Archive: metaposts

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Would you describe yourself as “working for the weekend”? Well, good news: It’s almost here, and this week’s top comment heralds the fun:

“Wouldn’t it be funny if someone tried to make homemade pizza for their family, but all they did was dump some mozzarella and pepperoni slices on a baking tray? Well, if you get a kick out of contrived implications suggesting a young mother probably has some serious neurological health problems, then this comic’s for you, you absolute jerk!” –jroggs

These runners up are also a darn hoot!

‘State-of-the-art digital’ snack machines that look exactly like any other vending machines, except they spell Snackz with a ‘z’? Yep, that checks out. There probably are higher-tech food dispensers available, but the staff really enjoys the laughs when Dagwood gets his hand stuck up this one two or three times a week.” –BigTed

“I’m sorry the syndicate chose not to print the last row of panels, where Mark’s horse bucks him off, tramples him, and runs off to join the horse orgy.” –Pozzo

“Interesting that the narration box calls Sal a ‘former acquaintance’ while Keith seems to think they were ‘ol’ pals’. Looking forward to the phone call between these two as Keith explains his current situation in an overly-familiar way while Sal desperately tries to get context clues to figure out who the fuck he is.” –pugfuggly

“Sal, two weeks later: ‘Turns out, your hunch was right — she has the exact same fingerprints as you, old buddy!’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Given her whispery delivery, her pseudo-threatening commentary and the way she’s sitting in that chair, I think it’s clear to see that Lois has become the ‘Godmother’ of some Italian crime syndicate. I … wouldn’t be asking her too many question if I were you, Hi.” –2+2=7

I think I’ll send my ol’ pal Sal a request. ‘You Are the Sunshine of My Life’ would be a good one. I’ll have him dedicate to Kitty and Sonia.” –Weaselboy

“Given their remote location and unstated food insecurity, it kind of makes you wonder what was in the cookie jar. Here are my guesses: 1. Loweezy’s Homemade Mo-Lasses Snaps. 2. Those inexpensive flower shaped ‘butter’ cookies that have a hole in the middle so that small kids can wear them like a ring. 3. Bullets.” –Old School Allie Cat

Today’s Snuffy Smith shows the dangerously non-Euclidian nature of the Smif Shack. Corners and straight lines collide in a cacophony of geometry chaos. Roofs run together in total disregard of stability or sanity. Of the spoor the Haunter o’ th’ Holler leaves, broken perspective is the plainest. The mind tries to bend unreality into being and recoils in terror. Only the strange can live among the strangeness; only those touched by the Haunter can survive near it. The TVA men knew it when they surveyed the Holler in the 30’s, and the Army recruiters understood that no soldier can be found in such soft spots of the Earth. Here is the rock upon which the New Deal foundered, the shadowed glen that Social Security ignores, the dark corner that neither Internet nor spy satellite can find. Welcome to Hootin’ Holler.” –Voshkod

“So we actually have two cartoons today with the same setting? Hell (Hell) and Hell (Williamsport, PA), do I have that right?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Yes, my nephew. You do realize there’s only about 80 people in this universe, right? The odds aren’t quite as long as you might think.” –cheech wizard

“Can’t believe Family Circus threw in a detail like PJ’s ragged, torn-up, threadbare blanket but somehow refrained from referring to it in the text. I spent a confused few microseconds wondering if the blanket symbolized PJ’s own impeding twilight years, or perhaps death, like a memento mori in a Renaissance painting. Then I remembered it was Family Circus and it was just another sign that the Keane Kids were encouraged to fend for themselves while Daddy drunk-worked and Mommy consoled herself with opiates and daydreams.” –Chance

We can’t all be winners.’ Just from exposure to Keith, Kitty has gone from progressive vegetarian to Randian libertarian! The sex must be that good!” –Ettorre

“Park Ranger Turns Pale Seeing This ‘Odd Rock’. He Calls Police When He Realizes What’s Inside” –Knocking Hats

“Julie dumped Chip because she couldn’t bear his techno hipsterism. How is a teen meant to maintain a relationship with a boy who still has a 2003-era Nokia? I’m amazed it even supports the Unicode emoji block.” –Schroduck

A piece of rope just being there is the most menacing damned thing this comic has ever presented. Are the adults all bound and gagged in the basement while Dennis and Joey watch Better Call Saul, and this is a piece left over, or is Dennis just ready to take care of matters if Joey starts on about how TV shows about troubled men may be critically praised but they’re beginning to wear out their welcome as far as he’s concerned?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Chip misread Julie’s cryptic suggestion that they go on a date to the movies to see Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, the fifth major film in the franchise? If Chip does finally pick up on the clue, he’d be smart not to engage in any debate about the 2016 reboot and its relationship to the main series.” –Philip

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The best part of waking up is learning what the top comment of the week was on josh reads dot com, the world famous comics curmudgeon blog:

“Once again, Shoe demonstrates how weird it is about the characters being birds. Imagine a realistically sized pigeon or whatever kinda bird this lady is supposed to be trying to use shampoo in a shower and owning a dog, an animal at least twice her size and a carnivore that absolutely eats birds.” –ectojazzmage

And chuckle along with these hilarious runners up as you linger over your morning coffee!

“Dennis senses that his parents’ conversation is really about something else, but this realization that language can be multivocal and opaque makes him long for Mr. Wilson’s frank and forthright loathing. The bitter wins of post-modernism strips the paint from his house, leaving faded patches.” –But What Do I Know?

“How can Heirs of Mort create a funny original image of a frazzled Killer but can no longer remember how big a single tooth is?” –Hobbes Fan

“BOOMER COMICS THEN: ‘I hate my wife!’ BOOMER COMICS NOW: ‘I hate my wifi!’” –Schroduck

Slim’s organs will be donated to Walt, keeping him alive for an improbable 30 more years, when the last daily newspaper somehow continues to publish in some quiet corner of Kansas.” –Philip

“You have to admit sometimes the old ways work. The dime aphorism is a lot pithier and punchier than ‘Here’s $1200. Go buy an iPhone and a subscription plan and call someone who cares.’” –Chance

“Did I miss the part where all the charges against Rene/Jimmy were dropped? Or is having to chat with Mud and friends a court ordered punishment?” –Maltmash3r

“The funny thing here is that Dogg-Mann remembers vaguely that he has some kind of athletic vendetta going on with Bear-Mann, but he’s forgotten what sport or teams it’s over. But Bear-Mann says he doesn’t care about the vendetta any more, probably because he’s forgotten the whole thing. So, pluggers are old and losing their memories #12,546! Ha ha, har!” –White Rabbit

“As an artist himself, Rene really should appreciate the talented orthopedic surgeon who treated him. Their work has really captured the essence of a man determined to walk upstairs but trapped lying on his back. Bravo!” –Stuart F

“This is a brave illustration of why you need to take the car keys away from aging parents — that plugger is coming to behind the wheel, somehow in the middle of a street fair.” –Quiggle

“Come here, Sonia, and take a look at this new throw pillow we got! The pattern is based on the visual hallucinations experienced by a plugger during a syncope. It’s from Crate and Barrel’s new ‘getting old in Virginia’ line of décor.” –Voshkod

“I used to be mildly attracted to Mark’s boss, but now he’s a little chipmunk man. What am I supposed to do with him, boop his little nose and feed him peanuts? Ehh, I guess that’s better than another lonesome weekend. Boop!” –made of wince

“Y’know, it’s been awhile since I’ve been properly enraged by a Six Chix, and hey, look at this: I am utterly enraged at this Six Chix. And it’s not just rage; I have moved into the still, limpid waters of visceral, unadulterated fury. No. No to all of this. If the pumpkin is no longer a carriage, why does it still have wheels? And why, if it’s gonna have wheels, does it only have two of them? Why is it still the size of a carriage? And if it’s a pumpkin now, why is Cinderella still wearing a crown?! Why did it rot, like, immediately?!? Why is the word ‘accidentally’ involved?!?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO US” –els

“Urination is always going to be a divisive fetish, but you’re guaranteed to upset both sides when you constantly post about peeing on social media but never upload any videos.” –jroggs

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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FRIDAY MORNING MEANS COMMENT OF THE WEEK TIME EVERYBODY!!!!

“Rene’s Scooby Doo reference is frankly unearned. The Mystery Inc teens actually put in the effort of investigating the haunted theme parks and getting chased by ghosts and frankensteins and whatnot. If Scooby and Shaggy had just had just coincidentally met a guy who told them that Old Man Jenkins is dressing up as a vampire to scare away developers, and then Old Man Jenkins ran out in front of the Mystery Mobile and got hospitalized without them even having to pull off his rubber mask, I think the show would have been a lot less popular.” –Schroduck

It also means hilarious runners up time!!!!!!!!!

“‘The Eve of St. Agnes’ was one of the most famous poems ever written by John Keats, the great Romantic poet who died when he was 25. If only Gasoline Alley and its foul cast of miscreants, abominations, and troglodytes had followed his example, the world would be a much better place.” –KMD

“I never knew 3D stood for three dullards.” –nescio

“What prompted their conversation? ‘Sometimes when I’m drunk, I think I can make people fat. Do you ever make people fat?’” –Victor Von

“It’s even more grim and depressing when you realize that his college ‘roommate’ was just his reflection in the dorm mirror.” –KnwItAll89

“Lucky Eddie is displaying his mistaken understanding of banking, which does not consist of having a large sack of money but rather of saying that you have a large sack of money. No need to take that long uncomfortable sea voyage at all!” –But What Do I Know?

“I never would have taken Poulet for a Black Flag guy. The Misfits, maybe.” –astroboy

“C’mon Jen, what the fuck’s Marvin going to do in Hawaii? Shit on the beach?” –Retraux_Rocket, on Twitter

“A minor point, maybe, but why are they discussing this at the breakfast table? Isn’t that the kind of news that you tell you spouse when you get home? I guess when you have a kid like Marvin, the first thing you do when you get home from the office is down a handful of pills to dissociate completely from your body (most importantly, your nose).” –pugfuggly

“And, by that, he meant release a lot of bees. There’s a reason he’s dead now.” –taig

“I don’t think a guy who died a gruesome death fighting Dick Tracy is the best source of advice for how to survive fighting Dick Tracy.” –ectojazzmage

“Ann’s a career criminal now, so she’s got to be ready for anything. And for the mean streets of Cavelton, that means a new hair color, a fifteen-year de-aging process, and scalemail armor evening attire. Sure, that lamellar gown doesn’t provide much protection for her limbs, but judging by the compound fracture on her upper right arm, it’s already too late to worry about that.” –jroggs

“There’s catering to your demographic, then there’s sticking Frank Nelson into your comic (Bing him, Zoomers). Judge Parker? More like Judge Pander.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“So like I realize it’s an unpopular opinion, and it may be mostly maryjane talking, since I’ve been trying to preserve my liver for me twilight years through decreased alcohol consumption — which getting high makes far less onerous, in my experience — and that’s a trip in and of itself; but I’m actually pretty alright with what appears to be the gradual transition of Six Chix to an ‘all koans, all the time’ format.” –Violet

“So who should I send my blank cards to? Who gives me blank feelings? Well, there was that guy I went out with twice in college whose name I forgot; I suppose I’d send one to him if I could. We went to Wendy’s, and my burger was more interesting than him. Imagine his delight when he gets my blank card. Of course, he may not remember me much either. He’s probably a whole different person with a more successful life than mine. Has a big family, vacations in Greece, a great job … Wait. I don’t have blank feelings anymore. Oh, this is going to be a challenge.” –made of wince

“Good news, Dot! Your brother is a drawing, so a regular eraser will work just fine!” –Anonymous

“Ha, Jeff and Jenny can’t afford a hotel in Hawaii ’cause they spend all their discretionary income on diapers! Also, endless rounds of steam cleaning their carpets, financial settlements with local stores to settle legal claims from disinfecting the stream of liquid feces they leave behind everywhere they go, exorbitant babysitter costs because nobody wants to watch their vile child, etc.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Of course I’ll have fun. That’s why they call it a playhouse. I do hope the Health Department has allowed them to re-open the ball pit.” –Peanut Gallery

“Does anyone know if there’s a canonical reason Dick Tracy dresses like a noir marshmallow peep? Does he think the bright yellow will make the blood splashes pop? Does he expect to fight Green Lantern at any given moment? Is it a sex thing? The world wonders.” –Voshkod

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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