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Heathcliff, 10/14/13, 10/15/13
What goes on by night in Heathcliff’s neighborhood just got a lot more disturbing. Heathcliff has quintupled his garbage consumption in just a few short months, and now requires armored strikes by Garbage Ape just to keep him in slop. I fear he is building his strength for an apocalyptic conflict with Marmaduke for absolute domination of the comics page, and I’m not sure which one to back. In this business, you don’t want to be wrong about something like that.
One Big Happy, 10/14/13, 10/15/13
Meanwhile, Ruthie’s got a raven to sleep in her princess doll bed, hide in her closet, and share her breakfast. The raven tells her secrets. Terrible, terrible secrets that all ravens know but little girls must not.
Stupid raven, leave her alone — she’s just a little girl! I don’t care how much you like Trix!
Gil Thorp, 10/14/13
First I wrote, “Gil Thorp is getting a little annoying”, but the sentence just laughed at me so I put these other words around it. John Pascoe is a skilled football player who can talk but doesn’t. Nobody else can seem to shut up about this. Including, now, me. Crap.
— Uncle Lumpy
Ha ha, the clown wants to see the funnies because clowns are … funny, by definition, you see! And by “funny” I of course mean “horrifying beyond description,” particularly this clown, who’s some kind of terrifying clown-giant. I mean, I know Ziggy is supposed to be particularly small and gnomish even by the malformed standards of the inhabitants of Ziggy-world, but the two of them are ostensibly sitting on the same bench, and the top of the clown’s thigh is nearly level with Ziggy’s armpit. In fact, the clown’s limbs seem to be intruding rather generally into Ziggy’s personal space, and while Ziggy is just the sort of meek loser who often finds his boundaries crossed without any protest on his part, I feel that this clown-beast has sinister intentions. The ellipsis that begins his dialogue is perhaps relevant. “I always think that a man should die with a smile on his face. So, are you finished with the funnies?”
Mary Worth, 11/10/10
Oh my goodness, look at how ecstatic Adrian is in panel two, as Scott tells off Jill! Ha ha, her hero, who can save her the trouble of asserting herself with her friends, or other humans generally! She’ll definitely be going on that non-vacation honeymoon with him now!
One Big Happy, 11/10/10
Someone needs to explain to Ruthie that when it comes to dogs “exercise” is often a euphemism for “pooping.” But, whatever, she’s apparently OK with filthy squirrels running all through her house, so maybe a few dog turds here and there aren’t a big concern for her.
Judge Parker, 6/21/10
While Sam and Neddy’s French boyfriend (about whom she has expressed ambivalence!) are back home writing elaborate legal disclaimers for fancy shoes, Neddy has slipped off to meet up with … the mysterious Mark! Is this the fellow that Neddy was doing the “tongue thing” with, when she was making her tearful goodbyes before heading off for her semester in France, four and a half years ago? No, that was apparently “Bob,” whose necking session with Neddy was spied upon by pretty much the entire Spencer-Driver household. (Click those links to check out the pre-Barreto Neddy and Abbey — rawr!) Anyway, this Mark fellow seems to just be some dude in an ugly green polo shirt with whom Neddy will apparently not be making out, yawn.
I’m assuming that these screams of shock and horror are because Luann has accidentally walked in on Gunther changing and is seeing him in some extremely mild version of undress (i.e., without his omnipresent grid shirt), and this is going to set up another dumb “Tales of Ribaldry”-style sequence. Still, I’d like to imagine (for narrative interest, not sexual thrills, as all of these characters make my libido shrivel and die) that something truly “AHHH!” worthy is going on there: Gunther in a crotchless fursuit, Gunther in a crotchless fursuit humping a Luann-shaped pillow, etc.
Funky Winkerbean, 6/21/10
Well, it looks like Funky has stepped back from the precipice of full-on alcoholic relapse … for now. But what is the significance of our anachronistically attired barkeep’s decision to gulp down the cocktail Funky left behind? Perhaps the pall of gloom that seems to hover over the entire Funkyverse really only afflicts the main characters; the ancillary players live normal, happy lives in the background, until the day they come in contact with Les or Susan or whoever. As soon as Funky entered the bar, the awful aura of death and misery that surrounds him presumably chilled the bartender to his very core, leaving him very much in need of a stiff drink.
Mary Worth, 6/21/10
Dr. Roberts may be reluctant, but Jenna is insanely eager to get this Mary Worth-orchestrated romance off the ground. “Aww, yeah, here we go! I got my bowl of cottage cheese, my tall glass of Metamucil, and my laptop! Let’s get this party started!”
UPDATE: Good lord, i almost missed this:
One Big Happy, 6/21/10
The fellow in the first panel is, of course, wearing a Finger-Quotin’ Margo shirt! You can order your own and wear it with pride, whether or not you choose to sport goofy facial hair.