Dennis the Menace, 4/30/15
I was going to make some kind of joke along the lines of “the divide between rewarded and unrewarded work under capitalism is still gendered and that’s the TRUE menace” here but then I noticed that Henry doesn’t even have a keyboard for his computer, just a mouse. What does he do for a living, like … click on things? Jesus, I hope he isn’t getting paid much for this.
Hi and Lois, 4/30/15
“How can a box ring a doorbell?” asks Dot, watching the Amazon drone buzz off. “How can we call a company a job creator when it works harder and harder to replace all its employees with robots? What good will my inefficient fleshy body be in the post-human future?”
Pluggers know that chickens can perceive a much broader range of colors than dogs can, and divide fashion responsibilities accordingly. Do you think those pants look blue, with your human eyes? The dog knows better. The dog knows chickens see what we can’t.
Look, it’s not like King Features wants to publish a comic where every punchline is about a baby shitting himself, OK? It’s just … it’s Marvin. He can’t be stopped. He can’t help himself. Look, he’s seized control of the comic and is now penning his own “diaper diary.” “Today I had a conflict with my mother,” he writes. “And I got revenge by shitting myself.” Presumably this same joke-form will be repeated daily for years, for decades, while the civilized world begs for some kind of sanity to no avail, until the Earth is a burnt-out cinder.
Dick Tracy, 4/18/15
Long experience tells me that when an odd name like ABE ONGO shows up in Dick Tracy, it’s probably an anagram. I’m going with “BEAN GOO.”
And aww, Dick has tender feelings about old-timey public libraries. Let’s see if they survive his trudge past racks of DVDs and cadres of porn-surfers, searching in vain for anything that remotely resembles a book. Hey, Dick, get with the times — it’s a library, not a museum.
Funky Winkerbean, 4/18/15
Writers are saints, producers are monsters, and readers are fools. Enjoy your treasured Funky Winkerbean comic strip, ladies and gentlemen!
I sure hope this isn’t a crossover, because I do not need Ed Crankshaft poop jokes.
Hi there! Josh is off on his annual Southwestern sojourn, so I’m sitting in until the 28th. You can reach me at email@example.com if you encounter any site issues. Enjoy!
Oh, give me a break, Greg. Facebook is for people who have a pathetic, insatiable hunger for the attention of friends, relatives, acquaintances, and people they met at a party once three years ago to feel like they matter. People who have a pathetic, insatiable hunger for the attention of strangers use Twitter. In unrelated news, did you guys know you can follow me on Twitter? I make tons of funny jokes there and sometimes post pictures of my cat! Follow me! Love me! I need this!
Gil Thorp, 4/10/15
Hey guys, it’s base/softball season in Gil Thorp! Trust me: you don’t want to know why they call Addison Radley “Boo.” It’s a story that starts twenty years ago … on a night, and a softball diamond, just like this one, when promising pitcher Addison Radley died in a tragic accident. Ever since then, her shade has haunted the field, pitching balls at superhuman speeds. You see, they call her “Boo” because, even though she doesn’t know it, she’s … a ghost. ADDISON RADLEY: TEENAGE GHOST PITCHER: SUNDAYS THIS FALL ON THE CW.
No, wait, they call her that after the character Boo Radley from the beloved classic To Kill A Mockingbird? Huh. Not sure why we wouldn’t want to know that, unless we’re trying to avoid falling afoul of Harper Lee’s lawyers.
Herb and Jamaal, 4/10/15
Oh my God, Eula is a reverse chrononaut, using dark magic or forbidden science to travel backwards along her own timeline! And she’s on the verge of revealing her causality violation to a time-standard individual! Chances of a class-three temporal paradox are up to 85 percent, we need an intervention from the Time Corps, stat.
This is your occasional reminder that, after decades of doing jokes about babies pissing and shitting, Marvin introduced some dog characters so it could do jokes about dogs pissing and shitting. I’m not sure which would be worse: if “go potty” were a euphemism imposed by the syndicate in a desperate attempt to impose some kind of sanity, or if that’s how the joke was originally written, too make it “cute.”
My number one biggest laugh in the comics pages today came from seeing Spidey wordlessly peacing out in the first panel of today’s strip. “Welp, I’ve put Mary Jane under the protection of the Black Widow, and probably nothing can go wrong! My fellow superhero certainly isn’t going to, say, push her off a building, that’s for sure. Later, everybody!”