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Today on The Real Family Circus: Jeffy gets voted out

Family Circus, 4/13/07

As I noted yesterday, I’m an only child and don’t understand siblings and their ways. Those of you who grew up in big families: did you ever have little get-togethers like this to discuss your feelings about family dynamics when you were under the age of ten? I like how happy Jeffy seems to be to share is feelings of total inadequacies with the rest of the brood, and the palpable shock and disgust on the faces of Billy, Dolly, and even PJ. I’m guessing that immediately after that bit of dialogue, the punching began.

Mary Worth, 4/13/07

When I tell people I like Mary Worth, they often say things like “Why?” or “Good God, why?” or “Why would anyone read that boring, boring old comic strip?” Days like today prove that “boring” is a word that should never be used in regards to this feature. This is a finely detailed depiction of psychological brinksmanship! Thrill as Mary completely bypasses the normal polite rules of human interaction, and forces Vera to either agree to give up her precious privacy or explicitly spurn an old lady! The fact that the strip ends in mid-sentence only adds to the excitement. Will Vera’s conclusion be “…of course I’ll have dinner with you! What should I bring?” or “…why don’t you eat with THE REST OF THE DEMONS IN HELL, YOU OLD HAG?” How will I be able to hold out until tomorrow?

Apartment 3-G, 4/13/07

I’m really, really upset that we didn’t actually get to see Katy’s birthday party — not because I’m a sicko who likes to watch the birthday parties of sixteen-year-old cancer patients, but because I have long suspected that Margo is a total incompetent whatever attention-grabbing scheme she’s attempting to use as a vehicle for meeting a rich man at any given moment. Some years ago we saw her completely screw up doing publicity for one of Blaze’s plays because she got wind of some piece of ass; I fully expected her party planning career to have gone down in flames by now as well. While the streamers, balloons, and hand-painted sign that reads HAPD BIRT don’t exactly scream “$100 an hour party planner”, who knows what sort of “awesome” activities we missed. Maybe Usher was there, or strippers, or Usher stripping.

True story: last year on my birthday my wife and I spent a relaxing day together and by mid-afternoon I was pretty pleased with how the day went. But then were driving back from the pool we belong to through a kind of ritzy neighborhood, and some kids were having a birthday party in the yard of this huge house, and they were unloading a goddamned llama out of the back of a llama truck, and my day felt a little less special. What I’m trying to say, Margo, is where’s the llama? I know it’s hard to get one into a Manhattan apartment, but what Katy wants, Katy gets.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 3/13/07

Like a magpie fixated on a shiny piece of tinfoil, I can’t get a single phrase from Hubby’s rambling diatribe out of my mind: “Earth warming.” At first I thought it was an attempt to use up slightly less word balloon real estate than the more conventional “global warming,” but if that were the case I think the thing to do would have been to lose one or more of the “etc”s. So I’m thinking it’s one of two things:

Those who believe that global warming is a real danger are trying to rebrand it to convince the unconvinced. “Huh, I know global warming is junk science, but maybe there’s something to this ‘Earth warming’ thing.”
People who have been denying global warming all along have finally been convinced, but feel that they can’t admit they were wrong without looking dumb, so this is their way of getting around it. “Global warming? Liberal propaganda! It’s just to distract you from the dangerous problem of ‘Earth warming’ — a danger you can only hear about here on Fox!”

Also, I first read Hubby’s initial news item as pertaining to a “bug strike” and charmingly imagined a group of ants and beetles walking in a circle carrying tiny signs that read “PLEASE DO NOT STEP ON US”.

Slylock Fox, 4/13/07

I can’t decide if the message of today’s Slylock Fox is “Cab rides with nearsighted drivers are a horrifying nightmare” or “Sticking your head out of a moving car is ill-advised, no matter how much fun your dog seems to have doing it.” But the multiple images give the whole thing a pleasing pop art quality.

This entry was posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 at 01:45 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Family Circus, Mary Worth, Slylock Fox, They'll Do It Every Time.

480 responses to “Today on The Real Family Circus: Jeffy gets voted out”

exelizabeth
April 13th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

OH MY GOD.

Vera has morphed into the meth-lab building, father hating, drug using shemale from 2004!

MARY, IT’S A TRAP!
Paperback Rifler
April 13th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

OK, so I see that taxi #3 has a wheel silhouette missing; but I can’t for the life of me see how the remaining three panels aren’t all exactly identical. Curses upon you, Slylock Fox! Curses!
Paperback Rifler
April 13th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

3. Okay, never mind!
miraclemet
April 13th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

ok now my real point…

Nice to see Lynn trying out “April’s been date-raped” looks, cause thats sure what the last panel in todays FOOB-ville looks like….
Weasel Boy
April 13th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

A llama? Are you sure this wasn’t in Tijuana?
Elizabeth J. Anderson
April 13th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

I guess I never noticed before, but the Family Circus family has FOUR kids??? Four! What century are we living in again? Do they have a bunch of farm chores that need doing? Or are they like the Baby Blues family and just crank out a new one every time the jokes start to get stale?
Mack
April 13th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

I’m relatively new to A3G, so being unfamiliar with recurring characters, my first thought was, “Is Katy supposed to be a lesbian Molly Ringwald, or what?” I should feel guilty after reading that she’s a recent cancer patient, but. Well. I don’t.
Octal
April 13th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

I actually agree with TDIET today. And for once, it IS something they’ll “do every time”!
exelizabeth
April 13th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

http://joshreads.com/?p=54
You can’t see it here, before he puts his hair up, but….

http://joshreads.com/?p=83
Look! Look, see that! VERA. What does this prove?

Okay, maybe just that MW can’t depict ponytails, and that I have so little to do at work that I have gone back and started reading this blog FROM THE BEGINNING… but I’m holding out for these two story lines to intersect.
Lynngineering
April 13th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

you know, now that we’re finally on this thread… it just looks different from here.

Having said that, I will oblige to recall Mary Worth as a joke in the Simpsons, the episode where they go to visit the newspaper, and to try and impress the kids, they introduce the cartoonist who asks if anyone knows “mary worth” and of course, no one does. He sighs….
Rockwell
April 13th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

“the soap serial”

???
Johan
April 13th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

Mmm, feel that sexual tension in panel two. Katy’s so happy she’s practically humping Margo’s leg. Of course, Margo’s too busy thinking about someone else to see the sweet, sweet, underage lesbian love staring her in the face.
holloyhock
April 13th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

I have a neighbor like Mary, only much younger. I can’t decide if she’s a scheming, nosy manipulator ar just dumb as mud. Next thing ya know, Mary will be arranging to monopolize poor Vera’s entire social scheudle with a “progressive dinner”: drinks poolside, appetizers at the Chinbeard’s, dinner at Mary’s, apple pie for dessert back at Vera’s…..
PapaFrita
April 13th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

PR, you’re not the only one. I stared at that thing for a good amount of time before I read your post about the wheel. I’m going to go incorrectly assemble an age 2+ puzzle now.
holloyhock
April 13th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

I have a neighbor like Mary, only much younger. I can’t decide if she’s a scheming, nosy manipulator ar just dumb as mud. Next thing ya know, Mary will be arranging to monopolize poor Vera’s entire social schedule with a “progressive dinner”: drinks poolside, appetizers at the Chinbeard’s, dinner at Mary’s, apple pie for dessert back at Vera’s…..
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
April 13th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

Scaduto also mentioned “earth warming” on October 26, 2006.
Anonymous
April 13th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

#3 the pointy deal on the very front of the car is upside down in the first one
Lizardmess
April 13th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Hey that TDIET could have occured as early as 1990! I’ve got goosebumps.

Everyone has a Jeffy in their family, and if you don’t know who, it’s probably you.
Lizardmess
April 13th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Hey that TDIET could have occured during the nineties. I’ve got goosebumps.

Everyone has a Jeffy in their family, and if you don’t know who, it’s probably you.
holloyhock
April 13th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

and one of the rear tires is missing in the third one
Paperback Rifler
April 13th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

And before this thread gets too far along, let’s just get this out of the way:

From the Funky Winkerbean website:

Jessica Darling: Jessica is a cheerleader at Westview High and a member of the student council. She’s the daughter of the late television celebrity John Darling.

Darin Fairgood: Darin is the adopted son of Fred and Ann Fairgood. Unbeknown to Lisa Moore, Darin is the son she had when she was pregnant in high school and who [sic] she gave up for adoption. [As has been noted by Marion Delgado way back on March 28, Darin's father is Frankie, a football player at Big Walnut Tech.]

In other words, Darin and Jessica are NOT brother and sister. Since this is the Batiukverse, though, they’re both going to become alcoholics, develop cancer, recover from both the alcoholism and the cancer, and then die when their car crashes into a bus full of orphans.
Lizardmess
April 13th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

16: “”progressive dinnerâ€: drinks poolside, appetizers at the Chinbeardâ€™s, dinner at Maryâ€™s, apple pie for dessert back at Veraâ€™sâ€¦..”

Ending with Aldo memorial drinks down the highway. Well, that would imply remembering Aldo, so probably not.
Rarely-posts
April 13th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

Who is Mark Trail talking to?
Neilando
April 13th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

“They’ll Do It Every Time” should be called “I’ve Never Seen Them Do It But It Might Have Occured In Another Dimension Where People Actually Say Etc… And Etc…”.
Laura c
April 13th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Inter-family sibling dynamics can be very very petty. I recall my sister pointing out to me that because I was the middle child and we were evenly spaced apart, she and my brother would always have odd number ages (for instance, 7 and 13) while mine was even (10), and vice versa. I can’t tell you how this has rankled over the years. Something about never being able to catch up.

There was also the time she teased me with being in love with Joseph Stalin and then tape-recorded me having a temper tantrum. But then, that’s not the kind of thing you’re ever going to find in Family Circus.
Gabe
April 13th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

2 and 4.
Jim Anderson
April 13th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

What does Wifey expect? That Hubby’s going to perch in front of the tube with a steno and a well-chewed Bic, jotting down all the plot twists?
Rarely-posts
April 13th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

Sorry, meant to put this with #24.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070413&name=Mark_Trail
Lizardmess
April 13th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

24 –The goose he’s flying on.
Gabe
April 13th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

7: This strip started in the 50s, but four kids really aren’t that oddball, even today. I know many people that have three or four siblings (of course now they’re from multiple marraiges, but still).

And you obviously no nothing about farm folk. 10 kids is the minimum. Four would get you laughed out of church.
Harold
April 13th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

“Well, if you need the company…”

“…why don’t you ring up that big Amish-looking guy and his trophy wife from the pool party? Maybe you could all get together and gossip about me. Again.”

“…perhaps you should consider visiting the senior citizens’ center downtown. I’m sure there are lots of lonely opld people there just like you.”

“…maybe you shouldn’t have KILLED the ONLY MAN who will EVER CARE ABOUT YOU! ALDOKILLER! ALDOKILLER!”
Douglas E. Iannucci
April 13th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

My three sisters and I frequently had such conferences during our childhood years where we would discuss family dynamics. Unfortunately, I’ve lost all the proceedings, otherwise I’d have material for a syndicated comic strip.
jules
April 13th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

Another TDIET idea from Cincinnati! Seriously. I should go back over all the TDIETs from 2007 thus far and count the ideas that came from Cincinnati; I know there have been several. I’ll do that, as soon as I have a stiffener. In the form of half a bottle of wine.

FOOB: See, even April is demanding a say in what goes on in her life. Deanna, presumably, is downing the other half of my bottle of wine.

MT: ooooooohh…myyyyyyyy…Gaaaaawwwwwwd…how long will our vantage point consist of the back of Mark’s head? I wanna see Mark trash some bozos! (Boot to the head!)

FW: “You should totally find out who your parents are! What if they’re, like, married to geeks? Or have cancer, or something?”
Last
April 13th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

Someone made a video mocking jackasses like #1 who feel compelled to be the first poster.

http://break.com/index/life_of_a_first_poster.html
Don Hosek
April 13th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

Foob: It’s actually kind of depressing how almost EVERY DAMN STRIP is predicted in advance here.
William
April 13th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

Is it me or did Mary and Vera completely switch places between frames?

“Her stern but sensible face will remind me never to do anything so stupid again.”
fizzy logic
April 13th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

I like Lula Patoot! Lula Patoot! Lula Patoot!

I’m done now.

Josh, I had to laugh at your comments about Margo’s party. Where’s the llama, indeed? $100 an hour? Looks like $100 total to me. She only got half of a misspelled sign fer cryin’ out loud, as you hilariously pointed out. I’ve seen toddlers have more elaborate parties than that – not that they should, but they do. But I’m sure that Katy’s four friends that showed up had a great time too, and they got novelty erasers in their goody-bags, I’m just positive!

I think Vera should look into taking Akido lessons or something. Physical force may be the only way to get Mary to back off.

Chicken lady is back in Pluggers today – two days in a row? Kangaroo lady and fox lady (? I can’t remember the ladies – just the grossly overweight men) must be on vacation.
Harold
April 13th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

I was wrong in an earlier comment. It still hasn’t been revealed what sort of giant-windowed vehicle Mark Trail is driving. So I’m still holding out for it to be a crane with a wrecking ball.
Little Guy
April 13th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

8: Agreed here. I know what Scaduto means. My favorite soap sometimes finds itself innudated with crawls and figures and the like.

My favorite had been the ‘onscreen dancers’ for ‘Dancing With The Stars’, which would waltz across very dubious portions of the soap actor’s body.

Course, with me, I get up to the screen and try to ‘flick’ them off with my fingers.
B
April 13th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

10: “Please don’t bang your head on the display case. It contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she advises a friend to commit suicide.”
After reading this blog, I’m beginning to realize that comic book guy lied to me, and it’s not a rare siltation at all.
Harold
April 13th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

Margo may have been decorating with balloons, streamers, and hand-lettered signs, but she did it in an ironic and retro manner. Her hipness and sophistication are far beyond our simple perceptions, just as the artistic brilliance of the LuAnn/Albert Pinkham Ryder “Single Flowers on a White Background” collaboration escapes us.
Jimbo
April 13th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

I wish my mayor’s name was Mayor Gronk. He would sit in a cave with his club, wearing only a leopard-skin loincloth. During city council meetings he would periodically leap from his chair and shout, “Me Gronk! Me put more police on street! Want resurfaced roads, bicycle lanes! Fire bad!”
MossMoses
April 13th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

We “got” PJ from a traveling circus -The Family Circus Freaks. What odd syntax for describing the birth of one’s sibling. “I got my sister when I was two years old”. That sounds kinda incestuous.

Cheech Wizard: You asked in the last thread whether or not it had occurred to Mary Worth and the Camerons that Vera was not interested in people twice her age. Not only had it not occurred to them but Professor Ian Cameron is what they call “Lao Niu Chi Nen Tsao” in mandarin and translates into the old cow eats the tender grass. Vera’s youth (and her lack of grandstanding oddball-like characteristics) is a big asset as far as he is concerned. She’s younger than ToeBee!
gkl
April 13th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

TDIET: Lady, you assigned your husband to watch your soap opera for you. You should be grateful that he focused on the news crawl rather than popping in something that can show boobs.
Lettuce
April 13th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

I believe reciting that URL posted for TDIET author Al Scaduto backwards may, in fact, send him back to the Mr. Mytzlplk dimension once and for all.

Time, of course, is of the essence.
Dr. Mad
April 13th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Re: “earth warming” this gives me a chance to note that “Ducks Uneducated -AKA Mallard Fillmore” beleves he has refuted the global warming prophets by asserting that, in fact, the sun is getting warmer. Evidently he can’t see the big, gaping flaw in this argument; which is -if we caused the problem we might be able to fix it, but if the sun is getting warmer we’re all just crispy critters. I also read TDIET as ‘bug strike” but thought of a picture somewhat more sinister as in “air strike” but with bugs. A cloud of gnats so dense we’d have to call out MT’s giant bass as a countermeasure?
Sister Sestina
April 13th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

First-posters bleating First! make me think of those who get the personalized license plates that say MY (MAKE OF CAR). Never understood that — why pay extra fees for the privilege of being redundant? Why, if you’re a first-poster, risk ridicule for the pleasure of pointing out what we can plainly see? But of course miracle met in post #5 betrays the reason: had he dared delay enough to actually SAY something he might lose his pole (post) position. And possibly the only thing sillier-looking than a first-poster announcing victoryâ€¦is a fifth-poster doing so.
exelizabeth
April 13th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

#34 I would just like to point out that, due to Josh’s judicious deleting of the ridiculous “first!” first post, I have taken my proper place as the first poster to actually type in more or less complete sentences on a subject relating to this blog. I mention this lest someone think that video is now referring to me.

Also… Fourty fourth! (well, maybe, the numbers change fast).
gump worsley
April 13th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

TDIET — I hear there’s pictures of Lula Patoot getting out of a limo………..
Lammergeier13
April 13th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I hate to say it, but Whory Drag Queen McSlutterton actually has a legitimate point here.
cheech wizard
April 13th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

43- Moss: When elephants meddle, it is the grass that suffers.
Mr. Coffee Nerves
April 13th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I know April is supposed to be “bratty” here, but she’s the only goddamned voice of reason. Clearly Deanna’s hairstyle covers up her lobotomy scars — she’s the one who must have had the terrible accident and is being operated by John — “Spock’s Brain”-style — with a leftover Lionel train transformer.

Seriously…what spouse on EARTH wouldn’t have commented by now at the fact that one’s Mother-In-Law and Spouse are blithely planning such a huge event?

St. Mike and Foobot Deanna will move into the old house, John and Elly will move into the Old Man House, a house for Liz and Pornstache will be built on the spare lot and April will spend a few years as a Yukon Lumber Camp Wench and teh plaything of the Bryan Adams roadies before returning to marry Pornstache when the Canadian Mormon Revolution happens.
Poteet
April 13th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

# 16 — Skullturf, belated congratulations, per the last thread, on your parodylemma. Obviously you were a talented snarky thirteen-year-old. I’m adding you to the list of Mudges that I wish had been in my junior high.

# 33 — Jules, I like the “boot” reference. And that’s a good idea re parodylemmas — I’m going to practice smiling cryptically.
Hogen Mogen
April 13th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Josh, please stop doing Slylock when it’s a puzzle. I spend like 15 minutes trying to figure it out and sometimes have to give up. I got that #3 is missing a wheel – what’s the other one? Is #1’s fan belt looser than #2 and #4?
Tangent
April 13th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

Oh, the inFOOBish inhumanity of a non-April-centric world. Go beg Vanna to let you BUY A CLUE! You are NOT paying the mortgage with your babysitting & bookstore bucks. You won’t even “suffer” through a change in school bus routes since your folks are just relocating down the darn street within dog walk range. Remember, it could be worse. You could be the middle child in your family.
Mr. Coffee Nerves
April 13th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Paperback Rifler
In other words, Darin and Jessica are NOT brother and sister. Since this is the Batiukverse, though, theyâ€™re both going to become alcoholics, develop cancer, recover from both the alcoholism and the cancer, and then die when their car crashes into a bus full of orphans.

Isn’t it sad when the BEST thing that can happen to these kids would be finding out they’re committing incest?
Edgy DC
April 13th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Mary’s so off-base here. Look, paraphrase, “You still have to eat, Vera! Why not with me? I could use the company…”

Do it over and over again and it always boils down to the same thing. “I REFUSE TO ACCEPT YOU PREFER TO BE ALONE!”

We are all Aldo.
Jusafoob
April 13th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

Ummm, it is a two bed room house. One for mummy and daddy and one fer Apwil.

She is going away to school in a couple of years, so why should she care.

Kids today. Too much of everything.

Why, in my day we were happy to have the chinks in our logs plugged and the dirt floor swept.

Bah. Humbug.
Gaberiel M
April 13th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

Note how the focal point of Katy’s birthday party appears to be a long table crowded with cakes and birthday hats and bowls and cups and other sorts of hats, perhaps straw hats (or is that a cake, too?), the long table is PUSHED UP AGAINST A WALL WITH CHAIRS LINING ONLY ONE SIDE. That sounds like birthday FUN! “Let’s all line up on one side of this table and stare at the wall and eat cake and wear hats.” It’s like a damn Beckett play.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
April 13th, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

Hey, did anyone ever notice that Aldo Kelrast kinda looks like hockey coach Ken Hitchcock?
Gabe
April 13th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

You know, if you took the dialogue out of Apt. 3G, it does look like a lesbian romance comic.
Gabe
April 13th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Nice to see other Gabe changed his handle.

Does this mean I win?
JP Patches
April 13th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

Now there’s a good new slogan for some CC merch:

WHERE’S THE GODDAMNED LLAMA?
Rhekarid
April 13th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

#36 – I like to think that Vera said she had work to do, turned away, and found Mary just standing on the other side of her and continuing the conversation like nothing happened.
Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddballs
April 13th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

FC – Of course Jeffy was happy when they “got” PJ. You don’t expect any of the Family Circus kids to have any idea where children come from, do you? At least Jeffy didn’t say “when the Stork brought PJ” because, if memory serves me correctly, that’s the story that Mom and Dad have given them for years.

And since these children are home-schooled and not allowed to interact with their secular humanist neighbor children, the FCs might never find out just WHERE BABIES COME FROM.

I also forget that there four actual FC children, though. Dolly and PJ seem to have all the best lines. And by “best”, I mean “respulsively, right-wingedly, saccharinely a-doh-wah-boh!”.
Audient
April 13th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

Instructions for Earth Warming: Slit the ozone layer at the top to allow the steam to get out. Five to six minutes in the microwaive. Let sit for one minute. Stir and enjoy.
Charles
April 13th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

#2, I’m so glad you found the missing wheel. Because I honestly cannot find out why #1 is not the same as #’s 2 and 4.

I like to think that Slylock Fox just duplicates the same image 4 times over and lies to us about there being differences between them. That way, when we look at the answers we feel dumber than the comic strip. Which, admittingly, is about the only way we could ever dumber than Slylock Fox.
Hogen Mogen
April 13th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

A3G: Did anyone else notice that no one touched the cake in panel 1?

I’m looking at it wondering where the hell all the other guests are. If I were 16, and I will be one day, I’d be hanging with my friends after the party instead of some lady I hardly know. My bet is that Katy, Eric and Margo were the only ones invited, and Eric was a no-show. Poor Katy. Poor lonely Katy. Poor, lonely, rich Katy.

A3G is different from the other soaps in respect to time keeping. Unlike the ponderous Rex and JP, you never really know how long these dramas are played out in A3G time. One conversation can go on for two weeks, then suddenly and without warning, we are thrust into some unspecified location after some unknown time has elapsed. I’m not big on drugs, but I imagine that if I were an addict with sudden blackout periods that A3G is what life would be like – minus the three hot chicks.
jules
April 13th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Oh my God I can’t believe I’m going to post this.

In Slylock Fox? The first picture? The little pointy-thing on the hood of the taxi is pointing up instead of down. (What the hell is that? If it’s a hood ornament, it’s pretty lame.)
Squawk
April 13th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

When you tell people you like Mary Worth, I’m surprised they don’t say, “Who/What the fuck is Mary Worth?”
bootsybooks
April 13th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

Bug strikes, hell! I want to hear more about Mayor Chronic! Maybe he’s smoking the chronic?
Hogen Mogen
April 13th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

Aha! Slylock’s answer:

If you see the headlights as eyes and the bumper as a mouth, the noses in #’s 2 and 4 are pointed down. The nose in #1 is pointed up.
Hogen Mogen
April 13th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Oh, I got scooped.
Bapp
April 13th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

is anyone else struck by the girl on girl action in both MW and 3G? MW looks particularly Notes on a Scandal to me. And I’m getting a headache trying to note ANY differences in Slylock’s panels. Damn you, Slylock!
Tukla in Iowa
April 13th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

FOOB: April just can’t bear the thought of losing her best friend, the central vacuum cleaner.
Reeipcheep-chan
April 13th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

I am actually most fixated on the re-apperence of Hap Hapless in today’s TDIET. So he has a comic strip AND a TV show? Who is this guy? What kinda of zany adventures is he up too? How did he get his unfortunate name? I have to know! Damn you TDIET!!!
Hogen Mogen
April 13th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

#66 – Audient – that sort of reminds me of that Far Side comic where God is pulling the Earth out of the oven on a pan (with a box of “Earth-Kwik” in the background). He’s saying “I still can’t help but think that this thing is only half-baked.”
Bapp
April 13th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

Oh, got it. 2 and 4. Now I can rest.
srah
April 13th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

Our discussions of family dynamics were usually along the lines of “I told Mommy and Daddy that I wanted a sister and then when I saw you for the first time… I told them to take you back.”
Trotzenbonnie
April 13th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

A3G – That was one lame-ass birthday party. They must have blown the budget on Katy’s gift–a matching set of extra earlobes.
Richard J. Marcej
April 13th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

Is PJ a boy or a girl?
Or a little bit of both?
Tukla in Iowa
April 13th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

#65: Dolly and PJ seem to have all the best lines.

But PJ doesn’t speak.

…Oh, I see your point.
Hogen Mogen
April 13th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

A3G: Yes! Everything was perfect! It was awesome! I’m so happyyyy…

… Except that Eric was not here… sob.

How very Fooby Winkerbean of you today, A3G.
Hogen Mogen
April 13th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

Look out, Jeffy. PJ is small, but he’s tough. The kid is dressed like he lives in Cell Block D, and they don’t house the docile prisoners there. I’m tellin’ ya, bro, he’s carrying a shank.
Pozzo
April 13th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

I read the “Happ Bir” sign as “Hard Bar”, meaning either the party had a bar for hard drinks for the more mature of Katy’s friends, or else there was a special autograph booth featuring Chris Miller’s character from “Animal House”.
Foobar
April 13th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

Or stripper ushering.
Alkibiades
April 13th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

#53 Poteet – I join the ranks who of those who love the term “parodylemma”… my question: does this make us “parodylemmings”?
Dennis Jimenez
April 13th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

I think it would be really cool if we find out tomorrow that the Dali Lama was at Katy’s party – or better yet, if they worked it into the Sunday A3G, that almost nobody gets to see, and then they don’t mention it at all in the truncated Monday strip – like it’s my little secret – like knowing what that friggin’ sign really says. Yeah, tha’d sure be great.
Trotzenbonnie
April 13th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

FC – I am the second oldest in a family of six children who were raised in a house with only one bathroom. Our kid meetings usually involved elaborate blackmail schemes designed to get the perp a little extra time on the can.
Cedar
April 13th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

Not only did I initially think TDIET was talking about a “bug strike,” I still do think that’s what it’s talking about. Seriously, what’s that actually say?
mfdshan
April 13th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

Today’s FOOB – Panel 6:
April: But I don’t wanna move! I wanna stay here! I wanna live downstairs an’ drink booze an’ s***-off boys! Oops! Nevermind.
The Avocado Avenger
April 13th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

#68 Hogen – Yes! Heck, last night I noticed the “bug strike” and the uneaten cake but I was so zonked out from too much Italian wine that I waited until today to come here and say it. It was a rookie mistake.

The uneaten cake really bothers me, because desserts are always at least picked at. You can warn everyone until the cows come home that the cake is made of Drano and baking powder, someone will always try a piece.

FOOB – This is a painful confession, but last night (I was zonked!) I swore it was Deanna who had the hissy fit. In my mind, the logical conclusion to the storyline would be Deanna reminding everyone that she existed and should be part of the decision. But no, Deanna is a Stepford Foob and April’s the one who has a hissy fit. She’s got a good point, I think, but of course she’s 16 and spoiled and can only make good points in a shrill, unreasonable manner.

This completely bypasses the obvious question: what the llama is up with April’s hair?
bootsybooks
April 13th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

Josh, I have six sisters. That’s right, six. I also have two brothers. I am number 7, and we’re all only 12 years apart from top to bottom, so you can imagine that plotting to take the life of a sibling occupied most of my time (and theirs) when I was younger and still lived in the Big House with my parents.

You wanna know anythjing about psychological warfare, torture, rat finking, dope smoking, clothes stealing, boyfriend stealing, lying, cheating at Monopoly, setting fires, waterboarding, jumping off roofs, chasing cats, or ruling juntas, ask my brothers. Except for the boyfriend stealing. Ask my sisters.

And no, my family were not good Catholics; my parents just liked to screw.
Foobar
April 13th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

Between the bug-strike mediated global ecosystem collapse and the fell hand of earth warming (only the earth is getting warmer, not the air or sea) today is the First Seal of the funnies apocalypse.
NJP
April 13th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

So, today’s Slylock Fox reminded me why my brief career as an editor crashed and burned… I couldn’t see any differences between the four images, and I studied that bastard for a good long time. Thanks for nothing, Bob Weber Jr!
Kurdt
April 13th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

Patoot? Like Patootie? Like Hot Patootie? Is the guy behind TDIET a closet Rocky Horror Fan?

Oh and my brother and I beat the crap out of each other fairly often, Bil Keane probably got into a number of scraps with his siblings too but refuses to show it. Was anyone childhood actually like in FC?
Flipper
April 13th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

“But then were driving back from the pool we belong to through a kind of ritzy neighborhood…”

This line made my head hurt. Ow.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
April 13th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

TDIET – I believe this particularly humorless panel comes from a misdirected letter actually intended for Pluggers. The malfunction seems to be with hubby paying more attention to the crawl than the show he was asked to watch, not with the crawl itself. So, delete the top skybox, turn the two TDIET people into a couple of, I dunno, wallabies, and add the caption: “A Plugger’s TiVo doesn’t always record what you tell it to.” Et voila!

Not to mention: Why the [Margo] didn’t she just send her obviously unemployed husband to the store?!
Kyle
April 13th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Actually, if vintage Sesame Street segments are to be trusted, people keep llamas in Manhattan all the time. Otherwise, how could the llama dentist make a living?

Me and My Llama
Plinko Commie
April 13th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

92 — her hair is part of “April at 16″. Which is a lot like “News at 11″, only with more underage sex and slightly less violence.
Heckler123
April 13th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one out here that has a problem with Vera’s hair in MW? Those have got to be the tackiest extensions I’ve ever seen.
Junior Tracy
April 13th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

#8 Octal – You’re a Plugger if you agree with TDIET.
Dingo
April 13th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

Okay, Josh, since you asked, I’m the youngest of four. Three older sisters born before me. The oldest two mercilously tortured the youngest. When they played house, the oldest was the father, the middle was the mother, and the youngest had to be the dog. Yes, the dog. Then three years later I came alone as the rooster in the henhouse. The three of them could now gang up on me, girls against boy. All that’s missing is Child Services being called by PJ’s babysitter in regard to the bruises while Thel denies that she saw or heard anything.

I’m waiting for you to grow up, PJ, and wreak Hell on all of them!
Dorianne
April 13th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I would swear April’s hairdo has morphed into a goddamned BUN today.

MW: OMGWTFBBQ!!!1!? I never really understood what a manipulative, boundary-crossing jerk Mary Worth is! If I were Vera, I’d kill her now and plead self-defense when it got to court.
William Sommerwerck
April 13th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

I love the way Vera’s refrigerator exists in its own black space, that has no connection whatever with the rest of the kitchen, or possibly the universe.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
April 13th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

I’m the oldest of two boys, so I’m the serious one. (That may sound doubtful coming from someone calling himself “Skullturf Q. Beavispants”, but I assure you there is much truth there. I did get a PhD in mathematics after all.)

Harrison Ford and Sean Connery are two examples of celebrities who are the older of two brothers, for whatever that’s worth.

I realize there are a lot of other things in life that affect us other than birth order, but nevertheless, sometimes when you find out that Weird Al Yankovic (for instance) is an only child, you think “Well, that makes sense.”
Anonymous
April 13th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

The taxi in Slylock Fox looks like it should drive around dozens of clowns.
Retro Lad
April 13th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

Ye cats, doesn’t anyone see what’s going on between Mary Worth and Vera? The sparks that flew between “I could certainly use the company…” and â€œWell, if you need the companyâ€¦â€ were palpable.

Do I need even give voice to my dark suspicions? I think not! Wink wink! Nudge nudge! Say no more!

Pity poor Jeff should he stumble upon them at the wrong time… no, mustn’t think about that! It burns! It bu-u-u-u-rrnns!
VSK
April 13th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

on Sally Forth today, Ted is using Margo quotes!
Thats The Spirit
April 13th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

Ants protesting being stepped on would not, technically, compose an actual “strike.” In order to strike, the bugs must withhold services until we capitulate.

I’m pretty sure the only bugs that can strike are honeybees. No other bug has anything else to rescind that we might want.
Uncle Lumpy
April 13th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

Silkworms. Wait — are they bugs?
Susan Underhill
April 13th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

#23 sez: Who is Mark Trail talking to?

And how does he make his voice do that?
Audrey Farber
April 13th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

112 – No, no, no – you don’t understand how radio works!
Blade Runner
April 13th, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

The Ballad of Rex Morgan

Come and listen to a story â€˜bout a man named Rex.
Small town doctor, wouldnâ€™t list his address
Then one day he was tuning up the Dodge.
And in comes June complaining â€˜bout her garage.
(June that is, pushy dame, awesome boobs)

Well the first thing you know, old Rex starts a-cleaning.
He doesnâ€™t let up till Juneâ€™s garage is gleaming.
The whole ordeal was quite appealing.
With June on her back, legs up and squealing.
(Squeals that is, Grunts and moans)

Well now itâ€™s time to say goodbye to Rex and his wife June.
They would like to invite you folks to visit real soon.
June loves to pout and thrust her boobs all up against the wall.
And Rex relaxes as he dreams of whacking his golf balls.
(Balls that is, driving range, tee time.)
Uncle Lumpy
April 13th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

I just keep my thumb on the script, like this.
ben
April 13th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

Seems that P.Z. Myers has been reading FOOB: “a book? With pages and a cover and all of that?”
wazzu62
April 13th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

foob prediction

John and Ellie buy the old dudes house and make Mike a deal on their old house. April is pissed but talks Mom and Dad into letting her live with Mike. April then gets to take care of Mikes brats and it scares the hell out of her keeping her from fooling around with boys in the basement and an early preganancy.

It’s such a foob happy ending for all!
Joel
April 13th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

They’ll do you every time–
Come on Josh, “Global Warming” could refer to the warming of any globe. Only “Earth Warming” unambiguously refers to the warming of the planet Earth. How would we know whether he’s talking about the runaway greenhouse effect that scientists believe to have afflicted Venus and Mars, or, for that matter someone rubbing a round balloon, or setting one of the Keane kids’s heads on fire? Please Josh, do you think the author just puts any half-assed thing into his half-assed strip? No, he does some half-assed thinking about it first.
pervygirl
April 13th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

ahhahaha, I vote #105 William Sommerwerck for CoTW!
Power of 1000 Lemons
April 13th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

Like Josh, I can only draw two reasonable conclusions about TDIET, but they’re slightly different:

1. Scaduto believes in global warming and likes to work it in, but is afraid of alienating his audience of nonbeliever old people, so he uses the term “Earth warming” and hopes that they don’t catch on that it’s the same thing.

2. Scaduto is somehow laboring under the impression that the term “Global Warming” is copyrighted.
queek
April 13th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

silkworms are caterpillers, and while they are insects, they are not bugs. Bugs are things like leafhoppers and Giant Water Bugs. (further info on the Orders Hemiptera and Homoptera can be found on the interweb.)

I would so love to see a Ginormous Water Bug in Mark Trail sometime.

oh, and “you booted me in the head!” (one of the great comedy bits around.)
stinky pete
April 13th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

110 TTS, A short list of bugs I hope do not go on strike:

Dung beetles
Lady bugs
Dragonflies
Spiders
Green lacewings
Butterflies
Any other bug that eats other bugs.
stinky pete
April 13th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

Re 122, to forestall the inevitable “some of those technically aren’t bugs” comments, let me just observe that I don’t care. Thank you.
Hysterical Woman
April 13th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

I think Jeff is illustrating his last family reunion. (Fun fact: Animator Glen Keane is Jeff Keane’s brother. I wonder why he hasn’t taken over the comic?)
Joel
April 13th, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

120
ppphhhh! (spontaneous repressed laughter noise)
Kenny
April 13th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

Slylock: Well, in all 4 Panels, the instructor loses his hat. So I assume that’s the moral of THAT story.
Buck Ripsnort
April 13th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

Iâ€™m guessing that immediately after that bit of dialogue, the punching began.
Josh, you could say that about EVERY bit of dialogue in FC. And FW. And FOOB, for that matter. I’m surprised and disappointed that there isn’t more well-deserved violence in today’s strips.
Charles
April 13th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

TDIET: I spent so much time trying to figure out what a “bug strike” is that it never occured to me that soap operas NEVER have a single news ticker on the bottom of the screen, much less two. What happens if you can’t come up with a good joke? Invent a problem and mock it, of course!
Bobchillingworth
April 13th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

Heh, the third scene of Slylock Fox reveals the horror of letting UMW’s President William “three wheels” Frawely drive a taxi.

http://www.nbc4.com/news/11644786/detail.html?subid=10101441
TurtleBoy
April 13th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

She is the Llama Queen…and it is, it is, a glorious thing, to be the Llama Queen!
Bobchillingworth
April 13th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

Opps, I meant “frawley”. Check spelling, then post.
Uncle Lumpy
April 13th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

#130 TB -

Hurrah for the Major General!
Financial Panther
April 13th, 2007 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

MT – Even though he’s driving towards his eventual showdown with Dan (in what looks to be a 1963 Ford Falcon Futura), it’s hard to be afraid of Mark Trail and his Righteous Right Hook of JusticeÂ® while it’s encased in a Sears BOGO special Arrow shirt (neck 17, long) and Regis Philbin striped tie.

He looks like he could give a copier a decent beat down, though. “PC LOAD LETTER, MY ASS, DAN!”
Dick, the doorbell
April 13th, 2007 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

Bootsybooks, you realize that makes you seven of nine.

Now you can threaten your sibs with “Resistance is futile.”
Uncle Lumpy
April 13th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Oh, better far to live and die
Under the stark Peruvian sky
Than play a pedestrian livestock part
With a llama head and a llama heart.

I’ll set the cheating world aside –
Where a llama’s just a kiddie ride –
To live where the air is thin and clean,
And live and die a Llama Queen.

For I am a Llama Queen!
And ’tis better than any damn thing I’ve seen,
To be a Llama Queen!
Goaty
April 13th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

122 – some of those bugs aren’t bugs
blueberry
April 13th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

MW: I’d like to clarify that Mary and Vera have NOT switched positions halfway through today’s strip. The second panel is actually an image taken from the Kodak Snoop-o-matic that Mary previously installed on Vera’s kitchen cupboard.
King Folderol
April 13th, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

FC – I’d say that Billy and Dolly are being all meta and shit, and that they’re looking at Jeffy in the knowledge that Family Circus has jumped the shark. Except that Family Circus has jumped the shark thousands of times by now, making even Evil Knevil III jealous.

A3G – I’m with the people who think that Margo’s “party planning” career is just a brilliant cover for her being a lady of the night.

TDIET – It’s amazing that, for such a “modern” gimmick, the promo crawl at the bottom of the screen still looks like something straight out of 1963.

Slylock Fox – The passenger has shat himself in all four scenes, and I do not have the stomach nor the interest into getting into the possibilities of the different color/consistency of his stool. I’ll leave that scatalogical “detective work” for Slylock and his nasty little mouse friend.
aquagirl2
April 13th, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

#10, #40:
I’m going to keep the Mary Worth phone right here. Her stern but sensible face will remind me never to do anything so stupid again.
King Folderol
April 13th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

I see I just used quotes twice. I’ve out-Margoed Margo!
Mack
April 13th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

124 – Glen is probably estranged from his family due to prolonged litigation over the unpaid work he did for the strip as “Billy” back when he was a kid and Bil would take off weeks at a time to lounge in a hammock and smoke a pipe.

This reminds me of when, back when Disney’s Tarzan came out, there was a FC where Billy is moodily strutting around, mimicking Tarzan, who appeared via thought bubble. Not knowing the situation, I was confused, still under the assumption that this strip took place in the mid-1970s, latest.
Weasel Boy
April 13th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

Kinda looks like PJ is drawing sustenance from Jeffy’s teat.
gnome de blog
April 13th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

Iâ€™m waiting for you to grow up, PJ, and wreak Hell on all of them!
– #103 Dingo

Every once in a while the dark side of Jef Keane leaks into FC strips. He’s expressing decades of repressed hostility toward his older siblings (recent example: Dolly unable to face the hard truth of true Christian faith). PJ probably chose to live in Botswana or someplace equally far away from the horror of his childhood.
junk science
April 13th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

I don’t have siblings either, but I thought kids liked being the youngest, because it meant they got spoiled and felt special. What kind of pathetic excuse for a childhood did Jeff Keane’s family give him?
edgeways
April 13th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

Dysfunctional Circus

Posted this int he wrong place at first )*&__###@@
CrabbyGenes
April 13th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

Actually, Elly’s protest that they have “30 years of stuff in this house” sort of rings a bell for me. My parents sold the house I grew up in to my younger sister and her family. This was long after I and my sibs were completely grown and had moved out, I should add.

I couldn’t be there to help with the big move-out/move in, but I know that the hazard of doing this sort of thing is that a LOT of stuff get “left.” Once when I was back home for a visit (”home” meaning “the house my parents had moved into”–fortunately, only a 20 minute drive from the house they had moved out of–are you following all this?), my young nephew (who had moved into my childhood house) mentioned to me that he had found all my high school yearbooks, not to mention the diaries I had kept at the time. (I can only hope that he had not found them interesting enough to read…)

Whereupon I took it upon myself during said visit to move my remaining belongings OUT of that house. But I happen to know that a lot of my parents’ things still remain there, not the least of which is my own Dad’s model trains and extensive train layout in the basement…

What have I said?! Please don’t hold any of the Foob similarities against me! And now that I think of it, my Mom is still a big FBOFW fan. Having become “crabbygenes” concerning this strip–I used to be a big fan of it when it was good–I unwisely tried to diss it to my Mom the last time I was home. She got really annoyed with me, so I shut up about it and instead, turned to this blog for some foob-hating companionship. She, however, must be a bigger fan than ever by now because of these similarities with our family.
Hysterical Woman
April 13th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

I think one day were going to have a Family Circus where Billy sleeps with Jeffy’s wife.
stinky pete
April 13th, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

The one-l lama,
He’s a priest
The two-l llama,
He’s a beast
And I will bet a silk pajama
There isn’t any three-l lllama
–Ogden Nash
finrod
April 13th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

You know, I had the exact same thought as Josh as to what happened after today’s Family Circus. I’ve often toyed with the idea of drawing comics based on what the stories would be like if Family Circus was more than a single panel. I really should get on that.
reader-who-posts
April 13th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

TDIET: “Earth warming” is melting Alaska, and all she cares about is her goddamn soap? In other words, can you believe some men care more about what’s happening in the world than a ’soap serial’?

DT: She’s going to use martial arts on Dick to make him disappear? Didn’t she have a gun to his head a minute ago? Because, you know if I’m going to kill someone and have a gun to their head, I might actually pull the trigger.

GT: I can’t wait until July when we find out who this old man in.

MT: Mark doesn’t understand how prostitution works.

FW: Is Darin wearing a pearl necklace in the last panel? The way this week started I would have bet on the girl wearing one instead.

RMMD: I’m curious – to live off of his stock wouldn’t he have to, you know, sell it?

FBOFW: By “I’ve always loved this house”, Deanna means “I’ve always loved having sex in your bed when you were out”.
Daniel
April 13th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

That Mary Worth makes me think that there just may be some lesbian cougar action a little down the road. ;)
Uncle Lumpy
April 13th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

Ogden Nash,
Upscale poet -
Calabash
And flute of MoÃ«t
Lounging in his silk pajamas
Chatting with Fernando Lllamas.
True Fable
April 13th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

While I don’t like whining, I understand April’s outrage. Nobody ever asks the youngest kid in the family for an opinion. Even if it won’t count or if everything will still work out for the kid in question, it is nice to be included in something like where in the hell am I going to live. Just a simple, “hey kid, we’re thinking about swapping houses, just an FYI for you” would be nice, but then she barged in and started yelling right away so they didn’t have a chance to tell her I suppose. They’re just going to ignore her anyway.

Still, Deanna should be the one who’s pissed: suppose she doesn’t want Elly and John’s old house? God forbid she should try to paint a room or change wallpaper; Elly will throw a fit about how she got the place Just Right and now it’s being ruined. Trust me, it’s a disaster to try to change anything in an in-law’s former house, or even in a house one of their friends used to own.

I was the youngest of six kids. Some parents actually like kids so they have them. While I don’t care for the term, “crank out a new one”, as the last of the group I am certainly grateful they didn’t move to the city and feel they had to stop cranking at number four or five.

I’m with #93 bootsybooks. My parents just liked to screw. But I am Catholic, and therefore intend to populate the earth with our bunny-like humping. Or whatever the rumor is. :-)
monsieurjohn
April 13th, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

Alaska is melting now? Damn. What’s the melting point of dirt and rock, anyway?
VALIS
April 13th, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

TDIET: I think the strip would have more punch if Hubby’s verbose speech was replaced with a more compact: “Pull my finger, Beavis”
philip
April 13th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

I am the seventh of eight kids. I was also very, very happy when number eight came along, not because it allowed me to lay bare my feelings of inadequacy to my older siblings, but because it finally allowed me to adminster the punching rather than be merely the punchee.
True Fable
April 13th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

#149 reader-who-posts, I think it was Mike who said they’ve always loved this house. His triangle mouth was open and his ellipses were a holdover from the ellipses in the second panel. Dee, as usual, had her mouth clamped shut.
Adam Villani
April 13th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

Yeah, the Family Circus takes on extra poignancy when you realize it’s Jeffy himself writing the strip these days in his middle age.

I had an older sister and a younger sister; we would always frustrate our younger sister by telling her about things that happened before she was born. I in turn, was quite jealous of the things my older sister would talk about people we knew in New Jersey, which we moved away from when I was one year old.

I mean, it’s one thing for somebody to go off to summer camp while you stay at home, but for them to go off and do things before you even existed, man, that’s existential panic right there.
OnandonAnon
April 13th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

#110 – disturbingly, there have been some real news reports lately that honey bees are disappearing… so maybe they are on strike?
mnemonica
April 13th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

I’m the fourth of five, all of whom were born in a six-year span (no twins). Seven of Nine’s mention of cheating at Monopoly certainly rang a bell. Oh, and the waterboarding, too.

The youngest in a large family are always considered the babies, and that’s not a good thing. I wasn’t allowed to touch a stereo until I went away to college.
NotThatGuy
April 13th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

You know, I think it really is “Bug strike”.
Kurdt
April 13th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

I wrote a poem for my blog I thought I’d share:
Mary Worth is old and lame
Marmaduke is way too tame
Garfield is a boring dud
Family Circus is sappy crud
Crock is just a crock of shit
Momma is drawn by little kids
Dennis has been around too long
Pluggers is just oh so wrong
His menacing ways are now long gone
Ziggy is depressing sap
Beetle is outdated crap
The best there was have gone away
The Peanuts gang no more do play
Calvin sledded of into the sun
No more of Far Sides messed up fun
Get rid Hi and Lois please
Some funny comics are what we need
To start our mornings with a laugh
Get rid of all the old lame crap!
Smoot
April 13th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

Is it me, or does Vera resemble Ainsley Hayes from “The West Wing”?
PInk Haired Girl
April 13th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

I love llamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My parents would never rent me a llama for my birthday, but I guess llamas spit.

Tee hee. Spit on all of the party guests.
PInk Haired Girl
April 13th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

Also. #135 Uncle Lumpy

Awesome song. I was in that play in fifth grade.
Poteet
April 13th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

# 84 — Thanks for the new word, Hogen Mogen. Before, I only knew that a “shank” was part of a leg. And earlier, thanks for pointing out DickTracy’s weird line about costumes — I’d missed that.

# 93 — BWAHAHA! Thanks, Bootsybooks. Except you owe me a keyboard.
stinky pete
April 13th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

What would Ogden Nash say about the bug strike?

The Lord in His wisdom made the fly
And then forgot to tell us why.

The ant has made himself illustrious
Through constant industry industrious
So what?
Would you be calm and placid
If you were full of formic acid?

I objurgate the centipede
A bug we really do not need
At sleepy-time he beats a path
Straight to the bedroom or the bath
You always wallop where he’s not
Or, if he is, he makes a spot.

Some primal termite knocked on wood
And tasted it, and found it good,
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.

From whence arrived the praying mantis?
From outer space, or lost Atlantis?
I glimpse the grim, green metal bug,
Orthopterous, also carnivorous,
And faintly whisper, Lord deliver us.

Aunt Betsy was fixing to change her will,
And would have left us out in the chill.
A Glossina morsitans bit Aunt Betsy.
Tsk tsk, tsetse.

These are not about bugs but are funny, so…

The clam, esteemed by gourmets highly,
Is said to live the life of Riley;
When you are lolling on a piazza
It’s what you are happy as a.

The oyster’s a confusing suitor;
It’s masc., and fem., and even neuter.
At time it wonders, may what come,
Am I husband, wife, or chum.
bats
April 13th, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

Didn’t realize that Glen Keane was an animator/artist. Maybe he actually aspired to be artistic and creative, rather than churning out the same regurgitated crap that Jeff seems happy to do.

Did I ever mention that when I was about 10 years old, I was in a creative writing summer camp? (This is about 40 years ago!) Bil Keane came in as a guest speaker. Even then, just about all of us 4th-6th graders thought his work was lame.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 13th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

Re SFx: While midget electric cars may be more
eco-responsible, I think this picture proves that they’re not ready for the cab trade. This one appears to be possessed as well.
Poteet
April 13th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

# 89 — HAR!!! Trotzenbonnie, you conjure memories of family visits to my grandparents, where one bathroom had to accommodate eight people. And thanks for your kind words in the last thread, which may cause me to share a parodylemma in the future.
Harold
April 13th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

#93 bootsybooks, have you ever read Roger Zelazny’s Chronicles of Amber? Similar family situation…
Poteet
April 13th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

# 94 — Foobar, that is one amazing sentence. Only on CC could it ever be found. And per the last thread, wow, a parodylemma movie. I bow.
Scuppers
April 13th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

ummm, Curmudgeons, I have four kids out of one partner, and I don’t consider myself a throwback to the 19th century; and you may find it hard to believe, but they’ve all turned out OK, actually, despite the fact that I failed miserably at the whole stay-at-home-mom scenario and instead went to work every day for the most part of the last 30 years. I admit that I’m lucky, but I won’t accept an allegation that I’m somehow an anachronism. And we can be sure I’m not a Plugger — I can still tie the drawstring in my gym shorts into a fetching bow…
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 13th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

Susan Underhill & Uncle Lumpy,

Oh no! I’m dead! This hasn’t happened to me since “M”!
Poteet
April 13th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

# 152 — Sir Fable, my True Knight, you speak truth. I am an oldest, which carries its own burdens, but when it comes to being listened to, the youngests of the world have it rough. And per earlier, I don’t know what the (Margo) happened to that DT gun either. Maybe in another week, we’ll find out. At their current pace, I figure Queen and Dick will grapple for at least that long.
Poteet
April 13th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

# 87 — Alkibiades, thank you, and “parodylemmings” sounds great to me. And thanks for adding to my education. I didn’t know who Alkibiades was til I looked him up.
True Fable
April 13th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

Uh….wow. Either I am trippin’ or the world just tilted.
True Fable
April 13th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

So… did anyone see the boards just go totally weird with no graphics and all Dragnet-serious printed out style?

I have got to read American Gods again and see what ancient deity I’m pissing off.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 13th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

#5, No if it were Tijuana, they’d be eating barbecued iguana.
True Fable
April 13th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

#174 Poteet My Queen, maybe there is some sort of ulterior motive on the Queen of Diamond’s part. She could have held on to the gun and shot him, but instead she ditched it and offered to out-wrestle or out-jujitsu him or something. She flirted with him a couple of ~~years~~ weeks ago, so I think she’s trying to ring Dick the doorbells, uh, doorbell.
What do you think?
Uncle Lumpy
April 13th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

#166 Stinky P. -

Thank you! Uncle Lumpy loves him some Ogden Nash.

Wrongly attributed to the master, but still good:

“A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “let us flee!”
“Let us fly!” said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 13th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

#34, it’s not really cool to snipe at other posters. Especially when they didn’t do anything wrong.
QuÃ¤senbo Pan
April 13th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

#147 Stinky Pete:

Later editions of Mr. Nash include this footnote:

*The author’s attention has been called to a type of conflagration known as a three-alarmer. Pooh.”
alamo
April 13th, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

flylock sox — 2 and 4 are not alike. the driver in number 2 is not wearing any socks and the driver in number 4 is not wearing any pants.

foobville — april is now my new star of the foobs. she is being mistreated they way the rest of us are who are forced to read this strip. only we get to go home at night; she lives there all the time. no wonder she acts out like she does. if i was treated like she is, i would be huffing glue or snorting gym sneakers; slashing my wrists — anything to get out of there. can we turn in liz johnson for child abuse???

d*mn you josh — i would have canceled reading the foobs long ago except i now have to read it on a daily basis just to keep up with all the new abuse they so richly deserve. curses.
stinky pete
April 13th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

181 AfkaB, I agree, posting first is one of life’s simple pleasures, like farming or sitting on an air hose, and should not be mocked. And in 178, a delightfully obscure Wall of Voodoo reference!
Lammergeier13
April 13th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

TDIET: Hey, I didn’t know that CNN had soap operas!
JP: I know somebody already suggested this, but I can’t wait for this to turn into a total “Grind House” situation. I want some French hooligan faces charred off pronto!
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
April 13th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

Adam Villani, I think I recognize you from the Onion AV Club!

And David Letterman (who just turned 60 yesterday) is an example of a famous man who’s a middle child of three, with one older sister and one younger sister.
Poteet
April 13th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

# 179 — Sir Fable, my True Knight, I think you may be onto something. Let’s see, the choice is making off with a gigunga diamond or doin’ the nasty with Dick. Yes, of course she’d want Dick. What demented playing card wouldn’t?
pesch
April 13th, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

All right everybody, take off your —–
pesch
April 13th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

(For those of you still reading, #112, #113, #115, #173 and myself are swapping “Firesign Theater” lines, specifically “The Adventures of Nick Danger, 3rd Eye”), and well played “Audrey Farber” and “Susan Underhill”…. missed that the first time through.)
nona
April 13th, 2007 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

I think FOOB should end with April snorting the ashes of Grampa Jim — her final act of defiance.
CrabbyGenes
April 13th, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

About the Saturday Foob—-looks like a lot of you Curmudgeons are right. Nobody cares about/listens to/ gives a shit about April.

I’m with you April, I would not want to be a live-in baby-sitter to those brats! Nor would I want to suddenly have to move to a new, very small house with a bedroom that is probably right next door to my parents.’

I don’t feel very snarky today, just totally disgusted. And I still wish Johnston would quit drawing April to look like such a dork. Only two weeks ago she was fairly attractive, even cute.
Foolster41
April 13th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

I come from a family of 6, and I can tell this I don’t think any of us said “I’m glad I’m not the shortest anymore.”, but then again, do you really need to be told that the family circus is anythign but normal?
Betty Jo Bialoski
April 13th, 2007 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

Oh, Nicky Nick Knick…
Betty Jo Bialoski
April 13th, 2007 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

Oh, Nicky Nick Knick…
Tats
April 13th, 2007 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

MW: In the world of Mary Worth, artists are only confounded by drawing two things: ponytails, and Asians.

FOOB: Oh, April. Like you matter.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 13th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

Thanks Stinky Pere (re #184), i’ve always thought that was one of the true gems of the eighties.
slinkimalinki
April 14th, 2007 at 12:06 am [Reply]

#24 — mark trail ain’t talking to anybody. his toupee is talking to him .
Poteet
April 14th, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

# 187 — Upon reflection and seeing the 4/14 DT, I now realize that Dick doesn’t even appeal to the demented.
skulking on the outskirts
April 14th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

Just to put in my two cents-”bug” is a vernacular term, not a scientific one. So a bug is any living thing with more than four legs, or with no legs and no internal skeletal structure. And most of them are really gross, but necessary in the grand scheme of things. We might dispute the “necessary” part regarding cockroaches, mosquitos, fleas, tapeworms, etc., but not the gross factor. And before anybody brings up ladybugs, butterflies and other pretties, please note that I did say that *most* bugs are gross, I didn’t say all.
BTW, I was the oldest of three, and it sucked. The oldest gets blamed for everything, because the oldest gets the most babysitting duties. I mean, seriously, would any of you have given your older sibling the same respect you’d give your parents, when the parents are out? Didn’t think so. My younger sisters were a couple of margoing, boxcar-saturn little $#+s.But now one of them has two kids who are actually worse than she was, and don’t think I don’t get a seriously evil laugh out of that.
MonkeyHawk
April 14th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

I realize that Ballard Street is not held in high esteem by my fellow curmunions, but I’ve always kinda liked the drawings, even back when the feature was called The Neighborhood.

I was never quite sure of the name change. As long as Jerry whatshisname came up with a strange drawing of a dog once a week, I was satisfied.

But today’s Ballard Street, even dog-less, is pretty neat. It embraces the oookiness (sorry to use the technical term) of post-menopausal coitus with media obsession by illustrating how, thanks to the Age of Viagra, the 24-hour news cycle keeps grinding on. Anna Nicole’s baby’s daddy turns into Don Imus’s career flame-out turns into the Green Zone blows up turns into Gonzo was lying all the time…

And poor Mrs. Ballard Street Guy still doesn’t look like she’s had a good time.
Christian
April 14th, 2007 at 12:31 am [Reply]

Weird… TIDET is actually about a daily annoyance that even occurs in the backwards land of Australia. How’d it get so topical?

I’ve got 3 siblings and can imagine having an ironic birthday party… hell, i might as well do that for my birthday.
DaveyK
April 14th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

Today’s Dick Tracy includes the single greatest and most unpronouceable onomatopaea ever. In honor of this bold neologism, I am going to name my firstborn SQLUD.
Uncle Lumpy
April 14th, 2007 at 1:04 am [Reply]

#194 Betty J. B. -

Nancy!
Marion Delgado
April 14th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

I’m reading the first panel of the Mark Trail cartoon strip which is in the newspapers and online. I’m hoping I can post on it on the comics curmudgeon which is a blog by Josh Fruhlinger out of Maryland located at http://www.joshreads.com. Probably I’ll mention whatever I notice. I think Mark talks to himself in kind of a funny way. I just hope I can mention that and make people laugh or at least smile.

I’m reading the second panel of the Mark Trail cartoon strip. Mark’s in a car. He was in a car in the first panel, and also he’s drawn more distinctively than most of the characters in the Mark Trail cartoon strip, so I know it’s still Mark Trail. Also, he’s still talking to himself, a lot. I hope I can mention that on the Comics Curmudgeon blog (short for “web log”). I bet people will laugh if I point out that Mark Trails auto-dialog is just a touch bizarre.

Third panel. Still in a car (Mark Trail is still in his car). Well, I wanted to give the flavor of the Mark Trail comic strip. I think by adapting his own dialog style of exposition I can probably produce a similar, if distanced and ironic effect in a “blog comment” to the Comics Curmudgeon weblog. Mark doesn’t seem to really have figured out things like a person can bleach their hair or dye it or wear a wig. I sure hope Sally doesn’t have good hearing either, because Mark’s been keeping up a non-stop dialog with himself. Okay, done, we’ve reached the end of the third panel. I think Dan will turn out to be not only alive, but still in the country in disguise.

There were no large animals talking in this particular episode of the Mark Trail comic strip (drawn by Jack Elrod). (It’s a strip notorious for middle panels with close-up drawings of animals and dialog far in the background which seems to come from the animals themselves. People on the Comics Curmudgeon weblog often remark on it humorously, as does the weblog owner, Josh).
Lynngineering
April 14th, 2007 at 1:47 am [Reply]

FBOFW: Well, well – yet another dreamlogic jumpcut of Mike’s. He really can’t produce follow-ups, his attention span already next to nothing as it is.

Proof it’s Mike’s Script through and through – whatever a 16 year old claims, you can be sure there is some opposite in the statement – like “I want to move out” is usually half-hearted at best. But no matter what, I don’t know any parent that just stands by, listening in the living room discussion about buying a house, and gives up their child to their older son?! And with him and his wife-bot leading the discussion idea without discussing it with the parents. Mike’s Script. Period. At 16 when that child should be having some overseeing. Again, it’s the “stuff” thing – oh, I have some extra stuff that doesn’t fit, well can I leave it in your place. What stuff? APRIL.

This from the guy who just freaked about marriage the other day. In his fantasy he wants so badly to relive the whole childhood BUT with him in all the roles. April will babysit the brood when Dee-bot is busy servicing him.
He apparently is getting ready for the state of september after all, full knowledge of it.

Yesterday, April bumrushed the stage Mike’s coma laid out yesterday. She ran in like flavaflav and tried to shake things up, terminator court-jester drag queen mode.

Mike quickly recovers before her performance ruins everything he thinks he planned out. He enlists the other female, Dee-bot, her programming has been recently revised, she should be able to carry out this short series of commands. It’s Dee-Bot, Breeder, Mute Accountant to Mike’s Dreams, vs April, the shape-shifter terminator in court-jester, drag queen mode.

Dee-Bot apparently knows where April’s mute switch is, right there on her shoulder, and places her hand there in the third panel. That apparently derails April’s court-jester running mode, but not the drag-queen one.

Again Michael hasn’t paid complete attention (lousy author even in his dreams) he’s too busy checking out the property and Mom-house.

There in the third panel, look within Dee-bot’s eyes, she’s pleading with April: ’stay, stay…’ Her eyes try to send a signal to help the real imprisoned Deanna to escape from this fantasy of Michael’s.

April only notices her shoulder is getting bruised.

Dee-bot already senses Michael’s omnipresent authorial fantasy gaze, and powers down, hoping that her message will get through eventually. She realizes Michael’s fantasy is never run completely by his wishes, but also some dark sides, which is the chance she might have to escape.

Dee-bot can’t comprehend the Foobian mememe powers of the Patterson’s, which gets algorithmically stronger when they are all in the same room of their Me-Fortress – the same reason Mike desires it so badly.

Sure enough, April breaks free although momentarily stunned, recuperating from the mute mode, she starts rehearsing in her mind the next round of attrition:
“I don’t WANNA be a live-in babysitter”…will be the next line of the ongoing performance-based work, “WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEE” which she will carry out incesantly, banshee-like into the state of september.

Somewhere in that hospital bed, Michael is starting to grind his teeth…He just wanted to fantasize of Elly-Editor/House praising him constantly – what’s going on?!
Uncle Lumpy
April 14th, 2007 at 2:12 am [Reply]

#205 Lynngineering -

Uh, come September. . . you gonna be OK?
CrabbyGenes
April 14th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

A very belated seconding of #35, Don Hosek. (Sorry, I’m only now catching up on comment reading.) You can say that again! And I’m afraid the strip will only get more and more predictable as it grinds towards the finish.

I’m actually remembering with nostalgia the last time FOOB was a bit surprising–back in December when Mike and Dee’s apartment caught fire. At least that event was totally unexpected, and had me e-mailing my sister every day with an account of the next day’s strip. (I can access it an hour before she can for some weird reason having to do with my living not in the U.S., but in a foreign country.) Ah, the fantastic snarks when Michael deserted Dee and kids, and went back for his laptop and manuscript! (when I was still a lurker) Those were the days!

PS Meaning the wonderful snarks of those days. I must confess, I love posting now!
Cerebus
April 14th, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

#189 – Oh! You mean Nancy!
Lynngineering
April 14th, 2007 at 2:32 am [Reply]

#206 – Uncle Lumpy: In Foobland, “ok” doesn’t exist, that’s why we have the c.c. here!
blase
April 14th, 2007 at 2:35 am [Reply]

FW: …So who might Darrin consult with regard to LEGAL matters? …Dn, dn DN-DN! (And get ready to read all about the sad, pathetic downward spiral of Frankie, Former Football Playa)
Len
April 14th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

Friday’s TDIET: “Lula Patoot”?! LULA PATOOT!!!

Did she finally get outta jail on her morals charge? The woman who inspired the phrase “stick it in your Patoot”? Gets 15 million dollars to hump her way back onscreen?

I can’t wait.

Give Paris Hilton a run for her money. Or sumpthin’.
Tats
April 14th, 2007 at 3:05 am [Reply]

FBoFW: My, aren’t Mike and Deanna awfully eager to decide the course of everyone else’s life for them regardless of their input? “Hey, Liz, you should do it with the Mustache!” “Well, if Deanna said it, I guess I don’t have a choice!”

JP: Man, Mary Worth went to Vietnam and back in the time it’s taking these French thugs to bust down a door. No wonder they keep losing the war.

A3-G: Ideally, the showdown goes like this:

MARGO: “I see you decided to wear a blue blazer.”

KATY’S MOM: “Likewise.”

MARGO: “…”

KATY’S MOM: “…”

*gunshot* *thud*

MARGO: “So, then, has your Uncle Eric called you?”

KATY: “…!”

MW: It seems we’ve finally found the chink in Mary’s armour: a complete inability to deliver a joke. Her belaboured expression in that first panel is insincere even for her. And this from a woman who’s made a lifetime of emulating actual emotion to mask her sociopathy. You’re slipping, Mary.

RM: Am I the only one who has no idea what’s even going on in this strip anymore?
Karen El
April 14th, 2007 at 3:12 am [Reply]

#98 TIVO? In TDIETland? The only reason I’d expect them to have discovered VHS in their generic 1950’s world is so they can rant about being unable to set the timer.
Len
April 14th, 2007 at 3:14 am [Reply]

#37 (fizzy) — Hey, Fizz! Lula Patoot is gonna be on the Hap Hapless Show next Tuesday night. Probably flashing her cleavage and bragging about the new movie.

Don’t miss it!
Len
April 14th, 2007 at 3:37 am [Reply]

#96 (Kurdt) — Patoot. Like “sweet patoot.” A distant relative of our own beloved Poteet. Or of the talking spud at Cherry (Schnapps) Trail’s kichen table.

But speaking of Rocky Horror, Meatloaf and Barry Bostwick will also be appearing on Hap Hapless next week. I swear, I don’t go out of the house evenings since that guy started appearing on the TeeVee.

Oh, yeaaah!
The Avocado Avenger
April 14th, 2007 at 3:42 am [Reply]

#117 wazzu – You’re spot on. Saturday’s FOOB is exactly what you said. ‘Fess up, everyone. You’re all group-writing FOOB, aren’t you? Predictions made here always come true in the FOOBiverse. It’s kind of creepy.

#172 Scuppers – Things have changed quickly, I think that’s why people nowadays think more than 2 kids is odd. Almost all the kids I went to school with were from families of 3-6 kids, and I was the odd one out as the only child. It’s the other way around now, not even 20 years later, and I still have trouble getting used to it.

MT: Guess Mark’s had a stroke. I can’t think of any other reason he wouldn’t realize that Dan’s dyed his hair and put on a fake beard.

A3G: Margo is one icy-cold bitch, my friends. That stare in panel 3 is lethal.

(DT)GT: Every day, I read Gil Thorp, and every day, I’m convinced McLaughlin quite get the concept of gender.
The Avocado Avenger
April 14th, 2007 at 3:43 am [Reply]

Sigh. Let me try this again.

(DT)GT: Every day, I read Gil Thorp, and every day, I’m convinced Frank McLaughlin doesn’t quite get the concept of genders.
Len
April 14th, 2007 at 3:51 am [Reply]

#144 — Them’s mighty tough words from a guy wearing sissy ballet LEG WARMERS!
Jamus The Bartender
April 14th, 2007 at 4:05 am [Reply]

FOOB:
See John get excited over the move.
Now he can play with his trains in the backyard.
Play, play, play.
See Elly get all pissed because no one is asking her what she thinks.
Fret, fret, fret, Elly.
Elly is looking for sheets to shave.
ANY sheets.
See Michael get all excited about never having to leave home again.
Stay, stay, stay.
See Deanna beg Roadside April to stay with her in the big house.
Stay, stay, stay, begs Deanna.
Beg, beg, beg..
See April whine.
Whine, whine, whine.
If she stays in the big house, she’ll have to babysit the kids for free, and almost NEVER get any.
If she moves in the smaller house, she’ll maybe get paid to babysit, and DEFINITELY never get any.
Because any guy she brings over will be able to hear John and Elly getting it on next door.
And he’ll NEVER want sex again.
Neither will April, maybe.
Gosh, I sure miss being sixteen.
So does Michael, apparently.
Len
April 14th, 2007 at 4:06 am [Reply]

Did anybody ever notice how, in “Pluggers,” the slim working- mother Plugger married to one of the dog-men looks JUST like a Kangaroo? Captain?
Jamus The Bartender
April 14th, 2007 at 4:10 am [Reply]

FOOB again: I just realized something here…
“What about memememe…” is a meme, if i’m not mistaken.
CrabbyGenes
April 14th, 2007 at 4:11 am [Reply]

#219, Jamus the Bartender: Absolutely fantastic, especially the detailing of April’s options! Thanks for the belly-laugh!!
Dingo
April 14th, 2007 at 4:18 am [Reply]

Judge Parker: “Don’t worry… Those guys are toast!”

Are they toast, Abby, or are they French toast?
Jamus The Bartender
April 14th, 2007 at 4:32 am [Reply]

222. Thanks Genes. I think i’m onto something here…Much appreciated.
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 4:36 am [Reply]

FW What’s going on here? Does Darrin’s nose grow when he makes out? Is that the only thing that does? No wonder he doesn’t want to go very far.
A3G W00t! Margo is powering up for a catfight! Oh boy!
JP Of course nothing much is going on, just checking on my girls.
MT That’s right, Mark: Beard + Moustache= Bad Guy!
MW I hope by now Vera has realized Mary is bipolar and has not taken her meds. What is really creepy is that plastic smile as she tries out her Henny Youngman impression in panel one.
RMMD Can Rex use his 9 iron of justice now? Or maybe he prefers to use one of his woods?
FBoFW Dee’s begging April to stay! If Dee doesn’t have her automatic babysitter, she’ll be stuck with those brats! Meanwhile, April’s hot looks have gone down the tubes as she suddenly sprouts a potato nose in the last panel! Oh noes! First the hair goes up, then the lips pout out, then the hips, and now the nose – OMG, she’s turning into Elly!
Oh, I can’t bear to watch.
DT SQLUD? what the hell? Does it stand for Slap Quick Lipped Ugly Dick? Stop Queasy Looking Uber Dick? I mean, I can’t imagine how a blow to the face can ellicit a sound like sqlud.
(DT)GT Good Lord, the third panel says it all. “You’re pulling your head, young man” actually translates to “Quit playing with yourself in public, you idiot.”
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 4:50 am [Reply]

FC I know a guy who calls his children his “lil tax deductions”. They all hate him, no kidding, because that is how he treats them, much like ol’ Daddy Bil today.
Of course, at first glance I thought “Oh Shit, that is some Serious Fuckin going on at Bil and Thel’s!” XD
DtM Well, Dennis my boy, you have finally earned some good points from MenaceWatch2007. Extra points for the bondage attempt on your babysitter – or were you trying to make her into a mummy? And whoopie, look at that super pissed off look on your face! Yay! 25 points to Dennis the actual Menace today!
Don’t puss out tomorrow, kid. We’re watching you.
dreadedcandiru2
April 14th, 2007 at 5:47 am [Reply]

FBoFW – I knew it. I knew they didn’t give two shits about April. I mean, all she is to them is either an obstruction or a convenience. Don’t believe me? Check the homepage. April is no longer turning sixteen, people. April is DENTAL HEALTH MONTH.
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 6:00 am [Reply]

That’s a plus, dreadedcandiru2. FBoFW leaves a pretty bad taste in my mouth sometimes so dental health is probably a real issue in this case.

It’s probably a nod to the real life inspiration for John Patterson, so since she just made up April for the comic strip she’s easy to toss aside.

Maybe that’s the whole thing. She won’t offend any real person, so she feels free to dump on April all she wants.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 6:17 am [Reply]

Sooo, the crimestopper is getting a Cynthia Rothrock-style beatdown from the zombie Marlon Brando in drag*. The second panel shows Dick getting bitch slapped with a hearty “SQLUD” (DT sqlud count 2007=1). In the last panel Dick is catching a formidable boot strike to his formidable jaw, without a sound effect! Now, consider the rough estimate that a well-placed roundhouse kick will pack at least 1500% of the force of your typical bitch slap, why didn’t Locher at least put a “SQLUD” with exclamation points there?…Phht!
*Missouri Breaks
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

Rocky Rococo, at your cervix.
stinky pete
April 14th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

In Curtis, the Dad refers to rap junk, sans quotation marks. I’m confused. Are there in fact four genres of music in Curtis: rap, “rap,” “rap” junk, and “rap junk”? This makes the whole Onion, ‘Onion’, “Onion” thing seem like a walk in the park.

Also, what would be an appropriate re-title for a “rap” (or rap?) Star Spangled Banner?
stinky pete
April 14th, 2007 at 7:43 am [Reply]

Meanwhile, JP is setting up a Three Stooges homage as Ab & Ned are about to hit their rescuer in the head with steel bars. Cut it out, ya puddinheads!
William Sommerwerck
April 14th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

Actually, “bug” is a scientific term. A bug is any insect (or perhaps arthropod) with chewing mouth parts.
Financial Panther
April 14th, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

Not wanting to repeat myself, but has anyone else other than myself noted how incongruously Mark Trail’s shirt and tie ensemble link up in his DRIVE TO DESTINY ™ to Dan?

It’s like a UPS delivery agent asking you to sign for your latest package while standing on the doorstep in a Vera Wang cocktail dress, with spaghetti straps, and a stunning black and white theme, maybe with a little organza on the edges, or tulle!

Yeah, that’s it! a gentle beige tulle would bring out Mark’s eyes as he uncorks the Righteous Right Hook of JusticeÂ®, and blood and sweat and pearls go flying in every direction…
Poteet
April 14th, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

Warning — Pedantry Ahead…Sorry to be a SQLUD, but “bug” means lots of things, including all small invertebrates (to many people) and hemipterous insects (to professional entomologists and amateur hangers-on like me). And of course “bug” has several other meanings, and a “bug strike” could also refer, for example, to computer defects refusing to be defective anymore. In the case of my computer, I wish.
Anonymous
April 14th, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]

I wholeheartedly feel April’s pain. How I spent my sixteenth birthday:
Crammed into a Chevy Malibu with my little brother and my grandparents and about sisxteen boxes of possessions, driving from southeat Iowa to southeast Wisconsin, being ripped from my roots, my home, and my friends, and forced to start a new and unwelcome life in a place I was totally against moving to.

Later, when we arrived at my new “home”, my family put up a flimsy pretense of celebrating my birthday by serving a stale, ready-made birthday cake from the grocery store.

It had a clown on it.

Yeah, April. Sixteen margoing sucks.
dimestore lipstick
April 14th, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

Oops. 237 = me.
calico
April 14th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

#224 – Dingo – they are about to become Milquetoast. Sock it to ‘em, Beret Girl!

#213 – At first I read your post as “It seems weâ€™ve finally found the CHICK in Maryâ€™s armour.” Guess so. Or really, it could be “The Chick in Mary’s Armoir.”

Let’s all guess what she’ll be serving under the soft candlelight, with wine and Wayne Newton playing in the background. Gaaaackkk.

FOOB – April gets to live out her teenage years in servitude to Mike and Deanna.
John has probably signed her over to Mike already, and now she will be forced to cast her footprint in clay as well, as an ancient – style child-slavery IOU.
calico
April 14th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

Or, God, I just thought of this – “My Dinner with Mary” isn’t going to be a dinner after all – it’s going to be a Margoing INTERVENTION!
When Vera screams “Let me be alone!” a la Lizardbreath, The Gang will say “You’d better not!”
Then Vera takes the drive to the booze boutique and takes the inevitable Charterstone plunge.
Dennis Jimenez
April 14th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

RMMD – Can we count on Rex to dope up Hugh and file him away in a loony bin for a few days while we sort this out? I mean medical ethics and universal health insurance-wise?

Pluggers – So, meth is cheap, and Lysol or anti-freeze is even cheaper? Just what are you getting at Reed Hoover of Dallas, TX?
Dennis Jimenez
April 14th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

224 – Oh, Dingo – what you said!
stinky pete
April 14th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

….Tax wonkery warning…..

In the U.S., the standard exemption for each member of your household is $3300, falling to as low as $1100 as your income rises. Thus even if the Dad in Family Circus makes well into the six figures, the worst he should be saying is “1100, 2200, 3300, 4400.” At best, it would be “3300, 6600, 9900, 13,200.”

This has been a public service announcement from The Coalition For Accuracy Regarding The US Tax Code In Comic Strips (CFARTUSTCICS).
calico
April 14th, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

#226 – just add the dumpy arse, the bun, and the glasses, and voila! April = Elly.

I think April and Gerald should buy the train house for themselves only, where they can finally go roadside, and let everyone else continue to live in the holy compound, or else she’ll have to go live in Anthony’s “Play” cage in his sous-sol.
MossMoses
April 14th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

224. Dingo, because France is part of Old Europe, we call that “Freedom Toast”. Cedric, the Canadian butler superhero, is going to kick some punk ass in short order.
Weasel Boy
April 14th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

FBOFW, 4/13: Don’t worry, April. You’re probably not going get any offers to baby sit as long as you keep that look you’ve got going in panel 4. You might get a few offers for a hit off a crack pipe in exchange for a few minutes in a back alley, however.
Weasel Boy
April 14th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

Oops, make that FBoFW, 4/14.
Harold
April 14th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

TDIET is actually dead-on today.

In The Phantom, Old Man Mozz FINALLY whacks somebody in the head with his stick! “His chemistry is terribly imbalanced” is a line that could appear in most strips on a regular basis.

I was freaked out (more than usual) by PreTeena’s “lost in a snowstorm” plot in the second week of April. Now there’s a major snowstorm scheduled to hit here tomorrow night. Aaaaagh.

I think Rex Morgan exists in some sort of Twilight Zone. Wasn’t everybody just sitting at the breakfast table, worrying about whether the cop was a real cop (Abbey the Wonder Dog seemed to think not, unless she was trained to be aggressive towards anyone with skin tone darker than the Morgan family’s), wondering if Nikki would be allowed to stay with the Morgans and clean June’s garage, when SUDDENLY there’s a knock at the door and all the characters but June disappear! Now the new plotline is off and running, and all else has been swept away!

Meanwhile, in Judge Parker the French punks appear to be having a dance party in the alley while they think about breaking down the door, but…LOOK OUT! Peter Parker (no relation) has just stuffed his Spider-Man costume in a garbage can and is walking forlornly down the alley!. This is the comic book Peter Parker, not the pathetic comic strip version, so you guys are SCREWED!
ThisWas
April 14th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

A3G 4/14 – Is it just my imagination, or does Katy’s Mom bear a striking resemblance to Margo? Could it be that they are in fact the child which FW’s Lisa gave up for adoption and her previously unmentioned twin?
Jeanne
April 14th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

You know, if April had half a brain in her head, she’d move with the folks to the new digs, and everytime they want her to do something, go somewhere or generally behave in a human manner, all she has to do is whine that they made her move away from the home she grew up in, and where Farley is buried, etc, etc, ad nauseum, and she will get a way with murder. She will be “Poor April” to everyone, and if she thought a bottle of cheap wine and Gerry on the foldout was cool, just wait til everyone tries to make up to her for her suffering. Cancun for senior trip, here I come!
calico
April 14th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

Josh – meant to post something about A3G / your non-llama birthday experience.
I agree that Margo could and should have rented a llama for the party!
If Curtis’ nemeses can get a donkey into a high-rise in NYC or Chicago or wherever, then FQ Margo should be able to get a llama, or at least an alpaca for Katie’s bash.
Sorry about your disappointment that day – if you would like a llama for your next birthday, I think the CC gang can pitch in to rent one for a while for a party, plus a sign that says Hapd Birt. : )

Dimestore-in all seriousness your post about your 16th made me sad. I hope you’ve had better and really nice Birthdays since then. I’ve had some really nice BDays, most good and/or mellow, and a few incredibly sad and sucky, so I sympathize.
LightSyrup
April 14th, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

HA-HA.
Buck Ripsnort
April 14th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

Dick Tracy’s sound effects are almost as random as those martial arts moves Queenie is using on him. The kick to the face is OK, but what’s that weird contortion of the arms in the SQLUD panel?
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 14th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

There is so much great creativity in the comments in this thread that I bow in awe. I particularly mention Uncle Lumpy’s wonderful Ogden Nash pastiche at #152. And I must confess that I don’t have time to read carefully today–I’m just scanning for parodies and possible messages from the Galactic Emperor, in case I need to suddenly assemble a bushel of potatoes.

I’ll try not to comment on today’s comics, so as not to repeat something, unless something screams out to be snarked upon.
Goaty
April 14th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

If all the praying mantis bugs in the world went on strike, would we all go to hell? (well, there are some of us already on that bus thanks to some of the parodies posted here — but what about the rest of the world?) And perhaps the actions of all the praying mantis sending us all to hell is what that whole “earth warming” stuff is linked to. Either way, I’m going to do my darnedest to making all the praying mantis I find happy.
Goaty
April 14th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

On a related note…. wouldn’t a giant praying mantis in Mark Trail right now be extra satisfying? It could symbolize how after Sally mates with Dan and takes all the insurance money she rips off his head and eats it and goes to Belize…..
SteveT
April 14th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

Newspaper editors replace nearly every instance of “and” with a comma in articles, but when a cartoonist confounds them with Latin…

They’ll allow three out of five words to be “and.” OH! AN-N-N-D! YEAH!
fuzzmaster
April 14th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

No doubt this thought already exists somewhere in the Curmudgeonly universe, but …

Foobwise, doesn’t Deanna’s exuberance for having April stay with them smack of “oh, yes, please, don’t leave me alone in this house with just the two little ones; Michael might start to get … ‘urges’ again!”

Likewise, the enthusiasm of Papa Foob for the smaller house is a bit disingenuous. “Sure, April, plenty of room for you in the second bedroom. It’s not like we’re regularly infested by our older offspring who can barely survive on their own, or anything.”
Scuppers
April 14th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

Dimestore Lipstick–I had a birthday like that! Only it was my 17th and we moved from NJ to MD and there wasn’t any cake. I got to spend my senior year of high school in a town where I knew no one and no one knew me. I couldn’t even buy recreational drugs to numb the misery…

Scarred me for life, that move did.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
April 14th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

Today’s Shoe is actually a TDIET in disguise.

I seem to remember another recent Shoe following the TDIET formula, but now I can’t find it.

Incidentally, for the longest time I thought Cosmo (the white bird with the glasses) was Shoe, since he appears in the comic the most.
Len
April 14th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

#228 — Aunt Jackie is such a faker! Vegans do NOT eat cheese, or any other animal products. She didn’t want the ground beef or the sausage in the lasagnia, so she ordered a (cheese-free) pizza?

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070414&name=Sally_Forth
Trotzenbonnie
April 14th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

#261 – Len
If the Forths live in Seattle…
http://www.pizzapi.net/

Mark Trail – You would think that Mark would remember from the Army days with his old buddy if Dan’s carpet matched the drapes.

What does blond-headed mean? Am I brown-headed? My husband is flesh-headed?
Len
April 14th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

Bad Lio! You’re making cultural assumptions based on Earthling anatomy. When an Extra-Terrestrial extends a centrally placed protrusion towards you, it may NOT be the sign of wanting to shake hands. I think our Alien friend was requesting a Close Encounter of a more INTIMATE kind!

A joy-buzzer to the ‘nads? It burns. IT BURNS!!

http://www.gocomics.com/lio/2007/04/14/
queek
April 14th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

234: it’s sucking mouthparts, actually. (a phrase that I’m sure will amuse.)

http://www.ucmp.berkeley.edu/arthropoda/uniramia/hemiptera.html for some more info.

Sqlud? WTF!

GF: the album covers just keep getting better.

A&J: awwww.

A3G: Margo, mother, daughter. hmmmmmm.

Rhymes With Orange: my, that’s a big dog!
Len
April 14th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

#262 (Trotz) — Flesh heads. Flesh heads. Roly-poly Flesh heads.

Flesh heads. Flesh heads. Eat them up, YUM!

(But not if you’re Vegan!)
bats
April 14th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

FOOBITIS: The one bright spot in staying with Mike ‘n’ Dee is that April *might* escape the dreaded Patterson Bun ™. I don’t know if this would also apply to the horrific Patterson Arse ™.

Goin’ roadside never looked so good.
Woodrowfan
April 14th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

theyâ€™re both going to become alcoholics, develop cancer, recover from both the alcoholism and the cancer, and then die when their car crashes into a bus full of orphans.

So, it’ll be a happy ending then???
Woodrowfan
April 14th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

As a fellow OC I’d like to join Josh and Avocado in the Only Child official chant (and any other onlys feel free to join in).

“MINE MINE MINE, IT’S ALL MINE! THAT’S ALL OF YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS? HAHHAHA MINE MINE MINE”

thank you.

Ok, I cleaned up big time at Christmas, but as my wife (the youngest of 4) pointed out, I was outnumbered by my parents, whereas in a big family the kids outnumber the adults…

(actually my Mom remarried in her 70s and at age 44 I suddenly aquired 2 older step-siblings. But I’m still an OC at heart in that I am very much an introvert. )
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

#261 & #262 – Len & Trotz – yeah, you could probably find a couple of places around here that sell vegan pizza, but I doubt Hillary would be so excited about it. We’re pretty alternative family supportive as well (i.e. the what if Ted is really a woman thing), so maybe the Forths do live in Seattle? Who knows.

And Len, thanks for the Lula Patoot alert. I mostly like the name, but it’s good to know that she’s at least a little classier than Britney. At least she’s been doing it longer.

I had a dream this morning that I was in the women’s locker room for a softball team. I’ve never played on a team sport in my life. Curses upon you, Gil Thorp! There is no hiding from your hideous world. I’m ready for my vacation…

I’m heading up to my Unabomber cabin in the woods, with only (gasp!) dial up access and a computer so old I can’t even do updates on it any more. So I’ll be suffering CC withdrawals next week, with maybe a post or two if I’m willing to spend an hour doing so. I’m not leaving quite yet, but I’m steeling myself for the pain of loss. I am comforted in the knowledge that I won’t miss any plot developments in a week in JP, MW or RM. Perhaps they will have gotten up from the kitchen table in RM by the time I return.
Marion Delgado
April 14th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

I am starting to think the Morgans need to be put on the child predator list.

Rex was previously involved with “Teenage Dope slaves”

http://www.creativepro.com/printerfriendly/story/21640.html
Dorianne
April 14th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

Dental Health Month!?

I thought April was Masturbation Month.

I’m always getting these things wrong.
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

And just to weigh in on the sibling thing – I was kind of both – my brothers are 9.5 and 8 years older than me. They had an intense sibling rivalry between them and then here the baby sister came along – and got a bunch of attention too. I did get beat up, but primarily because they didn’t know their own strength and because I was such a pest. My mom’s favorite saying was (to me) “You’re going to get hurt”…

But, playing board games by myself and keeping myself entertained as my brothers were out doing teenager stuff and I was still a kid. I desparately wanted a Driver’s License when I was 8 so I could do all the fun stuff they were doing too. But when I was a teenager, and they were out of the house, being the only girl my parents were older and overprotective, so I didn’t get to do anything anyway. So, such is life.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

GIL THORP! http://preview.ussearch.com/preview/newsearch?&searchState=KY&searchCity=LONDON&searchFName=GIL&searchLName=THORP&TID=0&cid=people&searchtab=people
treedweller
April 14th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

4/14
FC: It’s a win-win: selling the kids into slavery to pay the taxes helps you, and without the kids the strip is not only bad but completely pointless, so it gets canceled, which helps us. Go for it! Good luck getting anyone to pay a grand each for those morons, though.

GT: see, pulling your head makes you go blind–you can’t really hit if you can’t see.
beergoggles
April 14th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

curse this blog and forum

i was happy when my paper discontinued dick tracy

i was letting fbofw disappear from my daily read, bc was becoming a blind spot on the page, family circus was just the marker to locate non sequitur

i’ve managed to ignore rex morgan in my morning paper over the years …
and now i’m looking at it for clues about the meaningless adventures

so hugh disappeared … after his meth lab explodes … that was financing a children’s clinic … is the chauffer the fake doctor’s gay lover or the real cop?

now i’m actually following mary worth (vera’s her clone – von is von frankenstein, yeah that explains it) and judge parker and a3g (god, i’m falling into the jargon)

meaningless patterns are emerging
the guys in funky winkerbean were putting in some sort of drainage pipes during a storm and comic book guy’s basement store suddenly floods

this morning i woke up – imagining that the police in baldo – “we’re looking for a tia carmen – we found the body of gregorio in the market dumpster… without his kumquats”

i’ve got to break this addiction before someone brings brenda star back into my life

is there a support group were i can go?
Hawkwoman
April 14th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

#60 -Skullturf-
It’s the mustache. My dad looks like Ken Hitchcock (and Aldo) when he’s chubby and like J. Jonah Jamison (and Hitler and Bruno Ganz as Hitler) when he’s thin, and it’s all due to the horrible bristles he insists on keeping on his upper lip. Well, that and being a kind of long-faced man of a certain age. My point, and I do have one, is that mustaches suck. They almost never look good and they’re nasty to kiss. Even a peck on the cheek from a mustache man irritates the heck out of my skin. I didn’t want to imagine the prickle burns Mary was in for with Aldo.
In the serial comics, mustaches are also lazy artist shorthand for ‘bad guy’ or, occasionally, ‘ethnic doofus’ like Montoni the plumber, I mean, pizza chef in Funky Winkerbean. Only Lynn Johnston THINKS she’s got an attractive, sympathetic character with a mustache–and she’s wrong. Would Anthony be less drippy and annoying if he shaved? I say yes. He would look his age, which is the same as Liz, and not like a 50-year-old with a sick obsession for his old pal’s daughter. Seriously, what 27-year-old has a soupstrainer like that? It predisposed us to think of Anthony as a pathetic dipshit long before he’d proven it with his behavior.
While I’m on the subject of facial hair, is that Dan after a bout with some Grecian Formula (regular AND Beard and Mustache) in the hotel room with Sally? If Elrod could draw the human face I’d know. I could tell two bears apart in this strip but change a guy’s hair color and I’m lost.
Ribinin
April 14th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

“….my wife and I spent a relaxing day together and by mid-afternoon I was pretty pleased with how the day went” but the experience would have been better if there had been a llama? More than I wanted to know.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

#275- We all feel your pain, beergoggles. The ‘mudges are here for you 24/7.
Woodrowfan
April 14th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

‘Llamas make everything better.” this message brought to you by the American Llama Council. Llamas: Get One Today.
calico
April 14th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

#271 –
April is also “Roadside Month” in Ontario.
Woodrowfan
April 14th, 2007 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

I was going to buy a llama and train it to make sandwhiches, cole slaw and potato salad.. Then I’d open a resturant featuring,….(say it with me) the Deli Llama!

(insert your own “Make me one with everything” joke)
cheech wizard
April 14th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

4/14 FC – Bil isn’t adding up his tax deductions; he just gave those kids 10 seconds to shut the f*** up and get back inside before he beats their ass.
LlamaFace
April 14th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

#250–Not to mention that the Foob house is April’s homestead. I mean, she was born there. Talk about guilt tripping…forget Farley!

Also, llamas are awesome and delightful. In that order.
MonkeyHawk
April 14th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

#272 — Hey, Fizz…

I have two older sisters. One 11 years older, the other six years older.

They still cackle about how they used to dress me up and push me around the block in their doll buggy. The oldest was a rebel of the 50s, the other desperately tried to be a conformist of the pre-Beatle 60s.

When they went off to college I became an only child. I tend to be more attuned to my oldest sister’s sensibilities. The other is, well the other; classic middle child syndrome, even to this day.

I learned from them it was much better to ask forgiveness rather than ask permission. And if you’re smart about it you can get away with it.

Maybe that’s why, even as I hate FOOB, I kinda rejoice in April getting away with the wine-addled roadside on the hide-a-bed in the basement. Liz would’ve asked permission to invite a boy over. And Jeffy strikes me as a classic middle-child who desperately continues FC in hopes of winning some approval from Bil who, at his age, is more concerned with monitoring his arrhythmia than anything his kids are doing.

Dolly, of course, is a hybred big sister/middle child. She lies about the stuff she thinks she knows, like when my oldest sister told me the brown parts of bananas “are the chocolate parts!” But as a younger sister, Dolly knows Billy could kill her and get away with it, but for the dotted lines that would trace his getaway.

Chip Flagston is masturbating and smoking dope in his room as Dot and Ditto get all the attention as schizzo-middle-children. Trixie (who got her name since Lo was prostituting herself during open houses as a fledgling realtor) isn’t Hi’s genetic daughter. That’s why she spends so much time by herself with the only parent she’s really known: the sunbeam.

Linus van Pelt was the inevitable middle-child, even if Rerun showed up relatively late in the strip. Self-righteous and insecure, sometimes wise and sometimes preachy, dominated by Lucy, his only male role model is Charlie Brown. Which means Linus’s sexual identity will always be ambiguous.

By this time, Rerun is what? 16 or so? It’s time to go roadside with Apwil!

And I see our time is up.

Thank you, Doctor.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Guanacos and vicunas and alpacas! Oh my!
I relegate those creatures to parodyllama status.-RGB

“Earth warming” is a result of CHENNUX’s sporadic magmacannon blasts.- Professor Irwin Corey
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 14th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

#275 THIS is the support group. It’s kind of like having your neighborhood pusher also lead the neighborhood 10-step program.

Re sibness: I was the oldest of three. My sister and I were so close I’ve never found another relationship to replace it. My brother always hated me. I never expected to be the only one left.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

O’F-2 more CC steps:

11. Sought through snarking and curmudgeonness to improve our conscious contact with Josh as we understood Him, praying that we don’t have to read the comics, because He will for do that for us.
12. Having had a comics awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

#284 – MonkeyHawk – Interesting how many of the comics characters can be deconstructed by their birth order. I wonder how many younger siblings Mary Worth had to boss around? I think Mark Trail was a middle child, what do you think?

I always wanted a sister – yours seem like they were helpful life coaches, to some degree. I never knew that the brown parts of the banana were the chocolate parts, that would have been helpful to know! My brothers had very little time to spare for their pesky little sister, who they loved, but didn’t necessarily want underfoot all the time. Now that my parents are gone and we’re all adults, we enjoy each others company and have good relationships with all the spouses too, which I very much appreciate and understand its rarity. So even though they never taught me how to get away with stuff, they’re pretty good guys for the most part. And in a way, I grew up about 10 years older than I was; I know songs from way before other people my age were paying attention, so that’s pretty cool.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 14th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

#287 Red G: LOL!
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

Josh, this could well be the fate of the birthday llama:

The Other, Other Burger – seasoned llama delivers a fresh taste for burgers!

1 pound ground llama
1 teaspoon pepper
1 case Yakima Honey Weis beer
Divide llama into two parts and shape into patties about 2 inches thick,
handling meat as much as possible*. Sprinkle both sides of patties with seasoned pepper and then dunk in 1 can of beer that you already put in a bowl. Grill over direct heat over hot fire 20 minutes per side, or until charred. Serve right away on buns with favorite condiments and glasses of beer.
* “handling meat as much as possible”-(No shit, I didn’t add that, it’s an actual part of the recipe instructions)
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 14th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

Mr. O’F and I just got back from an estate sale in the neighborhood. The residents had lived there since the seventies, and there were some weird and wacky items up for sale (a black ventriloquist’s dummy; stuffed and mounted easter chicks). There was also a cork bulletin board covered with cut-out cartoons from the seventies. Every single one of them was FC!
Jeff
April 14th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Slylock — Over the past months I’ve come to enjoy the wacky, lively art in this strip. I’d like to see Weber do a humor strip, in addition to a kid activity comic. I think then his work would be looked at more closely.
Al
April 14th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Foob — If Mike and Dee can’t afford the 2 bedroom that Old Man is selling, how the hell can they afford the Old Pattersons’ home — which has just as big a train yard, more rooms, a basement, river-side property, and a Farley tree? Continuity and logic, anyone?

FW — For some reason, I’m convinced that Darrin and Jessica have been roadside since she threw up on him last Halloween. Plus, they look like they are in Darrin’s room — I thought that Jessica was the latch-key kid and Darrin was the one raised by functioning parents and a stay-home mother.
Trotzenbonnie
April 14th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

#293 – Al
The Old Man’s house is on a double lot and includes the Family Circus pet cemetary so it’s worth more.

#291 – O’Fo
How much did they want for the mounted chicks? I’ve got my hand in my wallet!
MonkeyHawk
April 14th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

#288 — Fizzy…

I like the concept of “growing up 10 years older than I was.”

It’s kind of the opposite of what I thought as I was growing up. I’d say or do stupid things and my family would be so disgusted with me. They had all learned better; I was apparently expected to have learned it by osmosis.

On the other hand, there’d be routine conversation amongst my parents and older sisters and a question would come up and Dad would send somebody to the encyclopedia to get the answer. Food would get cold as someone would read exactly how Napoleon lost the Battle of Waterloo or somesuch. All this, as I was learning to potty in a toilet.

I suspect, even if the older sibling is a fool or inattentive, younger kids have an advantage. Now, my oldest sister has a completely filled-out baby book. My next-older sister has a baby book that’s filled out to about six months or so. Mine is blank, with a couple of photos and a small newspaper notice that I was born on January 1st and was the first birth of the year. That year (and no other) the Chamber of Commerce DIDN’T lavish all sorts of gifts on the first baby of the year.

Not that I carry a grudge or anything.

Yeah, right.
Dean Booth
April 14th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

MW: Think, Vera, Think!
Nina
April 14th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Jessica could be the daughter of Frankie? I’m just saying…
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

#291- O’F- was that a “Lester” dummy?
Scuppers
April 14th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

MonkeyHawk: Me too! The third baby born in Greensboro North Carolina in 1954! I think my folks got 3 months of free diaper service or something…
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

Well, since we’re taking turns on the couch waiting for the next thread -

My brother and I were the bookends that held our four sisters in line. He was the oldest and most responsible, and I was the youngest and admired the living hell out of him. I had to put up with four bossy middle-child sisters who tooks turns ignoring me and prying into every little detail of my young life. Most of the time they ignored me.

They all went off to college and life in general eventually and I was the only one left at home. I guess I could have gone just apeshit wild with all the freedom I was allowed but I didn’t. I made good grades and kept out of trouble and in return I could come and go pretty much as I pleased. Mom was always at work and I appreciated her more because she trusted me. I didn’t want to give her any shit so I didn’t create any.

It sounds sort of Walton-like which isn’t true, my sisters fought with each other viciously. I never got dragged into those battles so it pays to be ignored I suppose. After Mom died my brother and I continued to make the girls behave civilly and stay on speaking terms, which is why we were called “the bookends”. When he passed away I couldn’t keep the unruly books together without my bookend, so now everyone’s scattered and only communicate with each other through me. They still have no idea what I am like because they’ve never really made the effort to know. I’m just “the baby” they remember fondly and they pat me on the head and marvel at how much I’ve grown up. They have no idea.

I miss my brother. I suppose that is why I tend to defend Rex Morgan and Sam Driver and Randy Parker. I’ll defend a brother at the drop of a hat. Well, except for Michael Patterson; I never could abide a wuss.
All Cathartic on a Saturday afternoon; Catholic on Sunday morning. Sounds like a song I’ve sung all my life but I don’t know the words.
Justafoob
April 14th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

You know, if Apewill did have half a brain, she would move out and go live over at Get Fuzzy or Pearls Before Swine. Someplace where the cartoons live.

Or better yet she could go move in at Pibgorn and really get some roadside action.
Nina
April 14th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Me Me Me Me Michael will never pay a penny for that house.
MonkeyHawk
April 14th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

#299 — Scuppers:

THIRD baby?!

I was the FIRST! And I didn’t get squat!

I want my diaper service!!!

(And, as I’m getting older, I’ll probably be needing it soon.)
treedweller
April 14th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

me: youngest of three (by 4 & 6 yrs), got away with more because my parents were over the super-diligent parenting phase, left to the mercy of my siblings often (luckily not as abusive as some), hated getting left out of their big-kid activities but sometimes benefitted from their experiences, and I continue to cut April slack even though I hope the rest of those foobs all burn in Hatlo’s Inferno.
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

#303 – MonkeyHawk – If you’re anywhere near Seattle, I’ll buy you a beer. But not too many, or you’ll need diapers for that too.

#300 – True Fable – Your brother sounds like a great guy, and now I miss him too.
treedweller
April 14th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

re 304

But Jeffy is still a moron. I guess I feel for poor PJ most, since he will be getting “educated” by Jeffy the rest of his unfortunate childhood.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

I’m the youngest of five, no big dramas to report.
…Hey!, what the earther Margo Shmurg’s up with CHENNUX???
I’m getting kind of ‘noid…way too quiet on the Galactic front!
Would somebody/anybody please post in all caps. I miss the Big Lugbutt!
Nina
April 14th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Well… I have 7 sisters and 3 brothers. (Obedient Catholic Family) By the time I was born my oldest brother was away in the navy, so I never knew him. With all those siblings my parents were just trying to stay alive. We all towed the line because my mom would get you! Maybe not immediately but she would always get you. We did evil things to our older sisters like stacked pots and pans at the door so when they tried to sneak in past curfue the pans would scatter and wake my parents!
We all turned out ok, but now that my parents are gone and my favorite sister is gone it’s just not the same. Some of us don’t even speak to each other. Sooo is life.
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

#307 – I agree Red, it’s been depressingly Chennux-less around here lately. I miss ol’ flipper toes. It is tax season, so maybe he’s busy counting potatoes. But you’d think he’d have people for that.

I’m afraid to call for him though. You never know what kind of mood he’ll be in when he shows up.

(*whispers*) Galactic Emperor Chennux? Are you out there?
Woodrowfan
April 14th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Monkey: The first time I shaved (at age 17) I had a devil of a time keeping my Mom from pasting the fuzz into my “Babybook”! Such is being an OC.
Trotzenbonnie
April 14th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Hey everybody! I’m the second oldest in a family of six kids. Because of the one bathroom thing we all had to be nice to each other. No one wanted their colon held hostage as revenge. But my dreams are still haunted by the sound of little fists banging on a door and whiney little voices saying “Gotta go pee pee!”
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

#296 – Bravo Maestro Dean!, that link is golden! I hope I didn’t displace any essential organs! I did, however lose some precious bodily fluids!

PS: !!!!
Trotzenbonnie
April 14th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

#310 – Woodrowfan
Yup. I have one kid (now 29) and I’m looking at his baby teeth in a little jar right now!
Woodrowfan
April 14th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

well, it’s been OVER 3 days and Johnny Hart is still dead. Yellwjkt owes me a beer.
MonkeyHawk
April 14th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

#305 — Fizzy….

Sorry I’m not near Seattle. But as it turns out my other sister lives in Lacey. Can I take a rain check? (I assume you’re familiar with the concept.)

Except…I get up there every once in a while and it’s always been sunny and clear. Sometimes I think people in Seattle lie about all the rain they get just to keep the rest of us away.

I mean, when has it ever rained in Sally Forth?
SuzanneTangerine
April 14th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

Wow, everyone is really into telling long, long stories about their childhoods. The funny is dwindling away and the therapy quotient is going up. When did this blog get so serious?! Maybe it’s the Lucy’s Psychiatric Booth Effect….

Anyway: comment 173– I hate to break it to you, but I think you’ve marked youreself as far BEFORE the 19th century, and more like in the times of the King James Bible: “I have four kids out of one partner”–OUT OF? Eeeewwwwwwwww.

Kudos, though, for the gender reversal. Isn’t it usually the mother that traditional sources refer to offspring as being “out of”? So it’s possible I’m wrong and you’re very cutting edge.

Oh, and llamas? Once while I was at university some friends of mine visited a “Cornfest Church” [church in a cornfield? I really don't know.] Anyway, there were llamas for sale, and lots of signs that said,
“Llamas: Easy to Care For, Easy to Love!”
Even now we say this to each other occasionally, apropos of nothing. The inflection is impossible to convey, tragically, but the phrase is pretty good value all on its own.
Islamorada Girl
April 14th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

I have a brother who is two and a half years older than me. I think he really resented me coming along. He spent most of our chidhood thinking of ways to torment me, when he wasn’t ignoring me altogether. He told me I would have to eat rattlesnake if I joined Brownies. I repaid him when they had to open the cesspit by pushing him in. We either fought or conspired until he got married and moved out of the house, then pretty much went our separate ways until our parents died and we became the theoretical adults in the family. After that, we’ve become a lot closer, and most of the time we get along really well and have a lot fun together. Time mellowed us both out. We never end a phone call without telling each other I love you. Awwww. I do wish we’d had more sibs. The families I knew with a lot of kids always seemed to have a lot more fun.
Uncle Lumpy
April 14th, 2007 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

Llamas – so very, very easy to love!
Mibbitmaker
April 14th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

BBailey:
SARGE: “What kind of chump do you take me for?”
BEETLE: “(First class!)”

FOOB:
P2: I thought of that one myself.
P3: “Oh, PLEASE stay with us! I beg of you!! PLEASE! For the love of God!!! I can’t be stuck alone with a pretention ass and those awful little rugrats!” Hmmm… she’s looking more and more like Katie Holmes every day.
P4: I definately sympathize. Aw, poor, poor whoever she is.
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

# 318 – UL – You naughty!

# 315 – MH – I meant if you were ever in the area. Being a Jayhawk fan, I pegged you for living somewhere midwesterly….So next time you visit your sister, tell her a crazy lady up in Seattle owes you a beer. She’ll understand.
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

#315 – MH – And it’s raining like stink right now.
Mibbitmaker
April 14th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

FC: Bil there isn’t just thinking of the bighead kids as Daddy’s little dependents. He’s also thinking of them, the characters of his comic panel, as Daddy’s little business expenses.

FW: Darrin: “Heeey, waitaminnit… she… she’s really my….cousin Maeby!!”

GF: HEEEEEEEEYYY!!! I’m 45, buster! Yeesh!

Cranky: That “punchline” would work better if it was Bill Clinton running.

Curtis: “…Cleverly retitled” Jimi Hendrix Did This Much Much Better
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

#316 – SuzanneTangerine – The rules are after post 250, anything goes….provided you follow the curmudgeon rules, of course.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

In trying to lure GEC back to Josh’s feeble earther weblog, I tried to find the lyrics for the bestest potato song ever bestowed upon humankind, which is: “Hot Potato” by the Freestyle Fellowship…Alas and alack, no information can be found on the interwebs!…Although I can offer one line from that joint: “Have you ever tried to give a baked potato a ‘fade’ “
Mibbitmaker
April 14th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

MW: See, this is how it works: Aldo stalks Mary, Mary drives Aldo to his doom. Mary stalks Vera, aaaaaand….. yes, Mary drives Vera to her doom. That’s the variable: evil Mary always wins.

MT: Wow, Night Rider appears in today’s strip! Cool. Meanwhile, either that’s Dan in disguise, or Dan’s dead, that’s another guy, and Sally is a femme fatale!

JP: Next: a hero about to save the day gets beaten bloody by the ‘damsels in distress’ with their weapons, while the punks get away. Oops.
yellojkt
April 14th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

The Scadutoverse is a parallel timeline where VCR’s (and definitely not TIVOs) don’t exist, but husbands don’t have to work so that they can keep the grocery buying spouses updated on their stories.

Also, “Global” warming has been trademarked by GreenGore Inc. and only the generic term “Earth” warming can be used without paying royalties.

Or perhaps Planet Scaduto has special system to monitor the environment of alternate worlds where technology has been allowed to progress past 1958.
Ukulele Ike
April 14th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

#325: No, my friend, those punks are about to taste Righteous Canadian Butler Fist.
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

Hey, Chennux!

Yeah, YOU! You with the galactic empire, and all! How are we supposed to bow down in supplication and awe and so on and so forth? Don’t you realize we need to feel threatened? If this thread has said anything, it’s said we all have an inner Jeffy inside that needs to feel inadequate! We need splendor and pageantry and shiny objects! We need magmacannons aimed squarely at our cowering buttocks!

And…and…we miss you, and stuff.

TF
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 14th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

I just woke up from a long and much-needed nap, and am very surprised to find this thread still unraveling. Anyway:

#219 Red G: Yes, it WAS a Lester dummy. I had never heard of them before, but I just looked it up on you-know-where, and that’s who (or what) it was. Very freaky looking. The woman holding the Estate sale said they were calling it “Michael Jackson.”
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

Curtis: If pops would be a little more patient with his child, he would be pleasantly surprised to learn “rapper Ka-Ching Ka-Ching” ’s… rap remake is called “Da Bombs Bursting” that liberally uses a sample of Pat Boone’s “Love Letters in the Sand”
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

I know how to smoke Chennux out –

I heard a rumor through the female mudge grapevine – AppleGirl or Non-Shannon told Trotzenbonnie, who told Bootsybooks, who told Nina, who told Calico, who told Islamorada Girl, who told Andreavis, who told Poteet, who told CrabbyGenes, who told O’Fogeyette, who told Lynngineering, who told Marion Delgado, who told Squid Countess, who told SixFootJen, who told me that:

Chennux lives with his mother.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

#329- O’Fogeyette: I will gladly pay you tuesday for a Lester dummy today. Or maybe wednesday, I gotta pay for my Margo!Boxcar!Saturn! mug first. And pay my taxes. If Lester is still there, I strongly suggest picking that bad boy up!
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

#331 – Uh, Marion Delgado, my apologies if you are not female and I inadvertently insulted you – I realize your name could be for a man or woman. I’m getting the barky stick out right now. So much for trying to be funny.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

fizz- John Wayne’s real name is Marion Morrison.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 14th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

Red G: I’ll check with my friend who is running the Estate sale if Lester is still available (she often holds things over from sale to sale). I don’t know what his price was, though. The range on ebay that I saw was from around $30 to around $70. What is your limit? (He seemed to be in very good condition, but his pants wouldn’t stay up. Maybe that’s why they called him Michael Jackson.)
Uncle Lumpy
April 14th, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

And from the pr0n classic The Muscle Man, there’s Marion the Disciplinarion.
Trotzenbonnie
April 14th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

#331 – Pssst! Fizzy–you didn’t hear this from me but I got it from a very good source that every night Chennux & his mom roll up the rugs, crank up their Jimmy Sturr records and have a Polkapalooza!
Scuppers
April 14th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

Ms. Tangerine–”out of” is not a biblical reference — try animal husbandry, specifically horses, as in offspring “out of” the dam (that’s the mommy).

Sorry you think it’s disgusting.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

What’s my limit? I’m such a Margoing loser, thirty bucks is a major expediture for me. Did Lester outgrow his drawstring? I dont have any extra dummy pants around La Casa Del Greenback at this time. Get back to me on the Lester front in a week or so. In the meantime, I’ll practice my ventroliquism skillz with trees and buildings and squirrels and geese and such.
Islamorada Girl
April 14th, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

I also heard Chennux lives in Mom’s basement with his large collection of Star Trek stuff.

Now, if that doesn’t bring the Emp out, nothing will!
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 14th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

Pssst—gals, I heard that the Emperor Chennux isnt really the father of his umptazillion larvae! Not a single one of them!

Red G–Ill find out if Lester is still around and get back to you.

Note: for some reason, my apostrophe no longer works.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

CHENNUX bait: “How many times do I have to tell you, your weapons are useless against me!”*

*Prince of Space
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

Oooh – he’s going to be maaaaad when he read this. Hee.

Nuthin’ like a good grapevine for gossip!
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

O’F- Here my dear: ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ copy and paste away!
John C Fremont
April 14th, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

307 – Hope this helps, Red.

FREMONT WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK, IF THAT’S OKAY. KNEEL BEFORE ME – WELL, NOT SO MUCH KNEEL AS SIT COMFORTABLY SOMEWHERE. AND IF BY “TREMBLE” YOU MEAN ROCK GENTLY IN YOUR CHAIR WHILE ENJOYING A DELICIOUS BEVERAGE, THEN BY ALL MEANS TREMBLE BEFORE ME AS WELL. AGAIN, IF THAT’S OKAY. UH – WHAT’S A WORD THAT RHYMES WITH “SKXCRITORT?”

(Damn, this is harder than it looks.)

I SHOULD PROBABLY MENTION MAYONAISE AND KAOPECTATE. AND DANCING. AND GENERAL THREATS TO SPECIFIC PEOPLE, EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT TYPICALLY IN MY NATURE TO DO SO.

END OF WHAT IT WAS THAT I HAD TO SAY. THANK YOU.

P.S., I am really very, very sorry Emperor sir. It won’t happen again.
winky
April 14th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

say… how are you guys reading mary worth, anyways? can’t get it from the syndicate. thanks.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 14th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

Red G: thanks for the apostrophes.

Im signing off now to go to a softball game (watching, not playing: Division I womens softball at its best!)

I hope that when I return in the morning I do not find a scorched, cratered site. Sleep and snark well, all.
Dean Booth
April 14th, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

My second job is over for a while, so I’ve been able to make it through the thread today! (But I’m still 3 threads in arrears, and I don’t mean Uranus.) So much good stuff, but after 300+ comments I can’t remember all I wanted to say.

O’F, was your keyboard made in China? As a communist country, they have very strict rules about ownership.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

Earther known as JohnCFremont#345@http://joshreads.com/?p=1029. Yes!, blessed relief!.
Harold
April 14th, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

Maybe this will get a rise out of him:

ATTENTION EARTHERS!!! THIS IS GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX!!! VOMIT IN TREMBLING ANTICIPATION AS I PREPARE TO ANNOUNCE TO YOU THAT I AM A POOPIEPANTS! FURTHERMORE, I LIKE TO PICK THE CRUSTED EXCRESENCES FROM MY OLFACTORY/RESPIRATORY INTAKE ORIFICES AND EAT THEM! AND I RECEIVE PLEASURE FROM FONDLING MY TERTIARY REPRODUCTIVE COUPLERS WHILE LOOKING AT PICTURES OF NORMAN DRABBLE’S MOTHER!

YOU MAY NOW RESUME YOUR QUAINT MUSINGS ON THE EFFECT YOUR BIRTH ORDER HAS HAD ON YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY! CHENNUX WAS THE 37,452nd OF A BROOD OF 425,538 AND HE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEMISE OF EVERY ONE OF THEM AND HE GREW UP OK!!!

END TRANSMISSION!!!

If anybody asks, it was MonkeyHawk.
Poteet
April 14th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

# 331 — BWAHAHAHAHA! Fizzy, you and the other Chennux mockers may be setting us up for some serious magmacannon hurtin’, but I’m laughing so hard I don’t care.
Poteet
April 14th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

# 216 — Awww, how nice of you, Len. And if G.E. Chennux is reading this, kindly aim that magmacannon at Patoot, not me!
Vince M.
April 14th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

334 – Yeah, I heard that…but is there any truth to the story he was four feet high and rode a Shetland pony?
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

Hey, CHENNUX!!…TRANSMIT THIS! we all know you are a âœŽ dick and you had your SKXCRITORT âœ„ed when you were in the larval stage. HaHA!…You’re goin’ â˜Ÿ and you’re gonna need some serious â˜¤…Oh shit! my days are â„–-ed!
John C Fremont
April 14th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

Seriously, as soon as I finished my above comment regarding his Lord Emperor (long may he live!) and “at long last [said] it”, my computer locked up. I had to shut down the hard way and go through the dreaded Microsoft blue screen informing me that I had not shut down Windows correctly… it was as though my computer had been zapped by some sort of ray, or magmacannon or -

Forgive me, Galactic Emperor! When the Earth invasion finally happens (and it will!) I will gladly turn on my fellow Earthers and serve my new overlord. Praise be to Chexmix – I mean, Praise be to Chennux!

(Holy crap, I’m in trouble!)
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

See? Learn from the youngest of six – duck.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

I kid the Big Galactic Guy. Truth be told, I have a rasher of Jimmy Deanâ„¢ microwavable pork sausage and my nuke is on the fritz. I just need a surgical magmacannon strike to make them toothesome. I’m a vegan but Peggy is all about pork products. Still buds, CHENNUX?
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

#346 – Winky – Mary Worth, as requested.

#351 – Poteet – I know, we’re in trouble – I just couldn’t resist. It’s only a matter of time now. I just missed the big guy, you know?
kttyerwg
April 14th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Clearly, Jeffy is not related to any of the other children. He has red, wavey hair while his parents have straight black and striaght blonde hair. Perhaps that is why mom is always pushy religion on her children. She has committed adultry and does not want to her children to suffer because of the sins of their mother. Even Dolly’s parentage should be called into question. She too clearly has some repressed issues. Maybe that is why she overeats is now suffering from obesity.
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

So, John C Fremont got the Blue Screen of Death, O’Fogeyette lost her apostrophes and Winky can’t get Mary Worth.

The Galactic Emperor is aiming straight for our asses and he’s got the splynnerot out and ready to flail with it!

Quick, Poteet! Hide under me!!

:D ;)
katherine
April 14th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

Er…… My family was not rolling in wealth in the least, but I had a llama birthday one year. We had to go to the llama farm though. And a llama kicked my momma. It was pretty awesome.
Are there always this many comments on the weekends?
Ukulele Ike
April 14th, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

Only when Josh wanders off and forgets to feed us.

So, did she go into a momma llama coma?
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

Marmaduke Yeah, like I read this comic for any other reason than to hate it, but – isn’t it clever how they managed to draw a poodle moustache under the male poodle’s nose, just so no one would wonder why Mr. Owner Man would take his big manly-man dog to a fru-fru poodle primping parlor! Why no, because that male poodle has a moustache! Bwahaha! Marmaduke is still safe, his personal dog tags are still in place down there! Otherwise, everyone knows that without a moustache, all poodles are female!

I hate this strip almost as much as I do Cathy (Must Die). Forget BC, get Big Dog and Big Butt off the funny pages and I’ll be a happy Fable.
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

Except the poodle is evidently being walked by the Black Dahlia.
Islamorada Girl
April 14th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

THE EMP IS A PLUGGER!!!!!!
Nina
April 14th, 2007 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

Ohhh what you guys saaaiiiddd..
Overloard, they do not know of which they speak.
Red Greenback
April 14th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

Dennis the Galactic Emperor
katherine
April 14th, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

362 — that would have been great (in terms of rhyming anyway, I certainly don’t wish a coma on my mom at all) but she just had a bruise. OH! isn’t hematoma another word for bruise? If it is, my momma had a llama hematoma!
Anonymous
April 14th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

GT: Judging from the last panel, a new storyline is about to warn young athletes of the dangers of excess masturbation.

Kudzu: Reverend Will B. Dunn insults a dead parishioner at her funeral. The sweet irony is that he just earned himself a one-way ticket to hell.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 14th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

Oh, uh, 369 was me.
fizzy logic
April 14th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

I heard that Chennux authored a book called Sheeeleaux’s Story.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
April 14th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

Sign #1459 that I spend too much time at this site:

In the hallway where my office is, there was a piece of paper taped to one of the doors, bearing a typed message explaining that one of the writing instructors was away, and offering directions as to what alternate arrangements you should make if you had an appointment with said writing instructor.

But the message was written completely in capital letters, and ended with an exclamation mark, so as soon as I saw it, I thought “Chennux?”
stinky pete
April 14th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

368 Katherine, did it happen in her pajama? In the state of Alabama? Or the city of Yokohama? It must have made quite a panorama. Sounds like quite a melodrama.

OK, I’m done.
LittleGuy
April 14th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

MT: Why yes… YES! Mark Trail has discovered her with…. GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX!
nancy
April 14th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

#178 True Fable mentioned a wonderful novel which I highly reccommend. He would have too, except he didn’t. It’s by Neil Gaiman and I read it before I read The Sandman. American Gods is always worth another read. Poteet, the boy has good taste; give him a chance. Unless of course in the real world, you don’t want to.
I can tell other people what to do and everything because who is going to read post number 375 after overdosing on all the brilliance of the first 374?
Poteet
April 14th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

# 360 — Sir Fable, my True Knight, I appreciate your warm, generous offer:-). But I feel an irresistable impulse to cut loose and join the general madness.

Hey, everybody! I hear that Chennux has a serious crush on the Queen of Diamonds!
Poteet
April 14th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

# 375 — And nancy, thanks for the tip re True Fable. He is indeed a gentle parfait knight with literary gifts. And at this point, admiring him as I do, I hope he will head for his castle and will be spared from the magmacannon massacre that is going to follow our imperial indiscretions:-).
Dan Perducci
April 14th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

TDIET would have been more believeable if the ‘news crawl’ read, “21 KILLED IN FIGHTING IN ‘NAM, RFK SPEAKS TO POOR WORKERS IN ARIZONA, MORE RIOTING IN DETROIT, WORLD’S FAIR A SMASHING SUCCESS”
I can’t help but think how much of an anachronism that TDIET is!
Mr. Groovy
April 14th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

This may have been mentioned on a previous thread, but has anyone noticed that, on the official FOOB website (which is celebrating Canadian Dental Health Month or something), there is an image of Dr. Patterson with his mouth wide open AND HE HAS NO TEETH? His dental hygienist has a huge mask on, so it’s not clear if she is similarly toothless, but I’d bet she is.

C’mon Canada, show us your gums!
Trotzenbonnie
April 14th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

#368 – 373
Reenact as a diorama with soundtrack by Bananarama and somethin somethin about someone’s gramma.
Jack Parsons
April 14th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

About FC and large families.

The very affluent today view large families as status symbols.

The very religious view them as a sacred trust.

Thus, the family van is known as a ‘bimbo bus’ for the blond trophy wife, and a ‘jesus bus’ for the very tired-looking woman wearing a cross who put a jhvh fish on the back of her van and tried to pry the Darwin fish off my car.
Poteet
April 14th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

# 381 — Jack, some stranger had the jaw-dropping gall to try to pry a Darwin fish off YOUR CAR????

Some very very bad words are bubbling through my mind.
yellojkt
April 14th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

Woodrowfan (#314)
I don’t remember betting any drinks on the resurrection of Johnny, but we should start the Church of BC.

WWJS? What would Johnny say?
Trotzenbonnie
April 14th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

#383 – yellojkt
WWJS?
What is the world’s most thankless job?
Working the return counter at the boomerang store.
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

#375 Nancy – Bad me, not pimping American Gods as I should have! I could not put that book down, it was a page turner from the word go. Thanks for rightfully reminding me of my error; Neil Gaiman is brilliant and American Gods should be required reading for, well, everyone.

#376 Poteet my Queen! Well, just thought I’d offer; under me, on top of me; give the lady a choice and all. But there’s something to be said for general madness so go where you’ve a mind to.
I have wondered about the term “gentle parfait knight” which naturally brings to mind a suit of armor sitting in a glass dish among dollops of ice cream with sprinkles on top, But I’m going to assume since it is from my own dear queen, it is from the French, in which case, merci!
rich
April 14th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

It’s a bit late, but I thought it should be clarified:

182 (Artist Formerly Known As Ben), I don’t think when 34 (”Last”) referred to First-Posters as jackasses that he/she was referring to the fine posting by exelizabeth at the top of this thread, but to the one that simply read “First!”, which was up for a few hours and then removed by Josh.
dead yooper
April 14th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

I was outside doing some raking this morning and a small flock of geese flew over. I thought I heard one of them honk “Where is Dan and what has he done?” I can’t wait until goose season next fall.
Jack Parsons
April 14th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

SIblings? Oy.

Youngest of four. 12-year range. They were all born in a 6-year period in South America, in a little mining town where dad was a chem engineer. Back to the US, where I was born. Even worse, it’s pretty clear they were planned and I was not.

Birth order madness: oldest boy never really got it together, I have drifted along as a college dropout professional watching his career get pushed around by offshoring, and the middle brother runs a very successful wine company. The one sister? Opera singer. Oh, and dad spent 30 years building a hexagonal concrete house.

F-ing bizarre family.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 14th, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

#386 (wow that’s a high number), okay, that’s credible. I’ve seen posts that just say, “I’m first. I’ve got nothing to say,” and noticed that exelizabeth’s was not one of those. So I hope that I didn’t scare Last off. You hear that, Lost? You can come out now.
True Fable
April 14th, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

RMMD This shouldn’t be too hard for Rex to do:

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070415&name=Rex_Morgan

…seeing as how he can make one golf game last two months.
And June! So glad to see you and the girls in panel 2! And what a tiny little waistline – almost as tiny as your head, dearest.
I have a feeling Heather is going to ultimately end up with all of Milton’s money, none of Hugh’s backtalk and all of Pete that she can hold in both hands.

MW http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070415&name=Mary_Worth
Mary’s got that cute little cross-eyed old lady look in panel 2, and again in panel 5 except for her persistant march into nunyabidnessland. Oh Vera, you can’t say you didn’t at least suspect that dinner was going to cost you a small slice of your soul. And yes, it is best to leave anything Mary cooks for you untouched. Tuna cassarole is a sign of general interest; apple pie is a shot over the bow of curiosity. Now you’ve had a sit down dinner baked by Mary’s own bloodless hands. That’s more than Jeff Corey EVER got, he always had to take her to the Bum Boat. She must REALLY want to know what’s eating you, Vera.
I sincerely hope Vera is the vengeful kin of Aldo Kelrast; oh pleaseohpleaseoh please!
rich
April 14th, 2007 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

Sunday’s Mary Worth: “‘The past is food for thought that is best left untouched’…like these green vegetable scraps I’m subtly pushing to the side of my plate…and the seedy, pumpkin-colored thing I’ve pushed to the other side…

“The asparagus looks safe enough, but no way I’m touching those marshmallow-whipped potatoes she made…

“It’s a good thing this purple terrycloth bathrobe I’m wearing has big pockets!”
True Fable
April 15th, 2007 at 12:06 am [Reply]

Maybe Mary and Ian are each trying to figure out how much money they might hope to scam from this newbie, since they keep bringing up the Millionaire’s Stomping Grounds so much.

If she had simply said, “I’m from Roopville Georgia and I’m only here because my late husband invested well enough to afford a pair of glass swans” they would have turned up their nose at her and moved on to the next patsy.
Trotzenbonnie
April 15th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Apartment_3-G
(I’m going to try to fly like an Eagle. Hope I don’t land like a dodo.)

Swarthy hair and perky nips
Snarks spew from her fuchia lips
Katy’s mom has done the deed
Bore the hydra harvest of her Eric’s seed.

Woo Hoo Bitchy Woman
Margo wants your guy
Woo Hoo Bitchy Woman
Margo will give you the eye.

She’s condescending in the night
Know’s that Margo’s not so bright
Decolletage versus turtleneck
Can she save herself when
Margo tries to wring her neck.

Woo Hoo Bitchy Woman
Margo wants your guy
Woo Hoo Bitchy Woman
Margo will see that you die.

And –
I love Mary Worth’s new look! She’s chosen a lovely middy from Johnny Hart’s new Interrobang line of women’s wear.
Jack Parsons
April 15th, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

Oh yeah: if the first-born sneezes it’s off to the hospital. The fourth has to cough up blood to get a little medical attention.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
April 15th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

Karen El @ 214: Of course there are no TiVo’s in Pluggerland. That’s why a “Plugger TiVo” is asking your husband to watch the show for you. Kind of like a Plugger jewelry box is an egg carton.

TrueFable @ 226: “SQLUD” stands for “Swishy Queen Lands Uppercut on Dick.” The missing sound effect in the next panel is “KLUDJ,” of “Kick Lands Under Dick’s Jaw.” Sorry, I’m reaching.

Stinky Pete @ 232: Howzabout “The Star-Spangled N***a”?
MonkeyHawk
April 15th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

Sunday’s MT!

SQUID!!!

Gobs and gobs of squid!

I realize the official squid count is limited to TDIET, but…SQUID!

The Countess is gonna have a busy weekend.

Speaking of which, as I pointed out a few weekends ago, a certain imperial countenance doesn’t often work weekends. (It’s a pretty strong union; your tax-potatoes at work.) My guess is he’s forsaken his gaggle of Earther concubines and is off going galaxy-side with some Glyxternian hussy.
rich
April 15th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

A3G: Cool… Margo meets the dopplemargo!

You can tell from the lines in Margo’s face, though, that she’s just that little bit more ruthless than Nora. She’s willing to go the extra mile. She’s already calculating how many of those balloon cords it would take to effectively strangle this woman.
Poteet
April 15th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

# 385 — Sir Fable, my True Knight, it’s from Chaucer’s laudatory introduction of the Knight in the pilgrimage, as in “He was a verray, parfit gentil knyght.” I’m sure Chaucer was referring to the Knight’s sterling character rather than his desirability as dessert, but the latter is an interesting image…

As for the Emperor, I suppose there will be general screaming, lamentation, and groveling when he shows up again. But for now…

Galactic Emperor Chennux! Is it true that you’re the real composer of MUSKRAT LOVE? BWAHAHA!
Jack Parsons
April 15th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

“Hi, Mrs. Hart! Can I talk to Johnny?”
“Boo hoo sniff splort. Johnny’s dead.”
“I know, I just like hearing it.”

FC: “How much do I hear? 10 10 10 10 10 10 20 20 20″
CrabbyGenes
April 15th, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

To #361, #362, #368, #373, and #380:

If a momma-hating llama kicks a llama-viewing momma,
And the llama-viewing momma gets a throbbing hematoma,
And if all this melodrama should occur in Alabama,
And if someone takes a photo in estilo panorama,

That would be a rather unfortunate…

Llama-viewing momma in a llama-hematoma, Alabama, panorama melodrama!
CrabbyGenes
April 15th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

PS to my #400: That was fun!!
Red Greenback
April 15th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

MW: I’m no pedal phylacterist, but has anyone ever seen Mary’s shoes? I imagine them being “sensible”…or on the other side of the coin, they could be big ol’ CHENNUX-style moonstompers.
True Fable
April 15th, 2007 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Holy crap, I counted at least 44 squids in the Sunday Mark Trail! Squid Countess ought to be in Ink Heaven!

I wonder when the Sunday Mark Trail will feature goats.
skulking on the outskirts
April 15th, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

So I’m not the only one missing His Imperial Lizardosity? Good to know. Dread Overlord Chennux, we lowly Earther monkeys miss you, and would rejoice to find ourselves on the receiving end of one of your sphincter-loosening, teeth-rattling transmissions. Although we’d just as soon not be on the receiving end of the magmacannon blasts, thanks anyway.
Seriously, Chennux inspired me to do the best over-the-top bit of groveling I’ve ever managed. I really hope he’s just taken AppleGirl or somebody off on a really epic shopping trip, and that we’ll hear from him soon. Or else we’re all gonna have to start clapping our hands, chanting “I believe in the Galactic Emperor, I believe in the Galactic Emperor” until our palms bleed. (Yikes, I almost typed “I believe in Galactic Emperors”-that would have got me magmacannoned for sure. Of course I know there’s only one! Really!!)
Emperor Chennux, long may your skrxcitort engorge! And where are you?? Should we call upon the Millenium Falcon or the Firefly to mount a rescue? (I wouldn’t bother with the Enterprise, Federation politics would be bound to muck things up. Them and their stupid Prime Directive.) Please, oh Mighty Wielder of the Dread Magmacannons, let your loyal (and utterly intimidated) subjects hear from you. Oh, and please take it easy on anybody who may have said things that were, um, less than totally respectful. They’re all just concerned and trying to coax a response out of you. Honestly. Can’t you feel the love? And the spasming colons, too, of course.
HAIL CHENNUX! HAIL CHENNUX! HAIL CHENNUX!
Red Greenback
April 15th, 2007 at 1:31 am [Reply]

#403 True Fable: Elrod would prominently feature goats, but the Capra Aegagrus Hircus Anti-Defamation League is a powerful lobby.
Tats
April 15th, 2007 at 1:39 am [Reply]

MW: I really can’t see any alternative to Mary having poisoned the food here. It’s quite brilliant. Distract her with a comically garish shirt and she won’t see it coming.

FBoFW: What is Lynn’s obsession with showing us Elly’s ever-expanding ass? Either she needs to start doing Pilates or John needs to tap that, because she’s way too out of shape to be mooning the reading audience every Sunday.

Slylock Fox: Well, I’m officially blind. Thanks a lot.
Red Greenback
April 15th, 2007 at 1:41 am [Reply]

#405 soto: That is some myTfine groveling! In the meantime, if you desire a spasming colon, one word…Olestraâ„¢
Red Greenback
April 15th, 2007 at 2:02 am [Reply]

Omgawowiewowwow!!! I declare I just cut the worst fart in Christendom! Just thought I’d share (wafting, wafting)
Kurdt
April 15th, 2007 at 2:08 am [Reply]

I just found a site that will turn any picture into a mosaic! Family Circus looks very freaky, I think I’ll try MW next…

http://imagemosaicgenerator.click42.com/
Mibbitmaker
April 15th, 2007 at 2:17 am [Reply]

#393 (Trotz…): Nice “Witchy Woman” (heh) parody there. It’s also perfect in that I’d just heard that very song on the radio a short while before reading it.

Margo and Nora in a soap-opera-off!

MW: Uh-oh…notice the phallic asper-grass bunch Vera lopped in two? Damn, Mare really Lorena-Bobbitted her over Von, didn’t she?
joe
April 15th, 2007 at 2:18 am [Reply]

â€œâ€¦why donâ€™t you eat with THE REST OF THE DEMONS IN HELL, YOU OLD HAG?â€

That is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time, Josh.

This site and it’s comments are consistently hilarious and it makes my day.
skulking on the outskirts
April 15th, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

# 408, Red:”Soto”-? Oh, my initials-hey, I’ve been acronym’d! Thanks, Red! And thank you for the compliment, too. Although you should have seen the uber-groveling I did, I dunno how many posts ago now. That one was so far over the top that the Emperor told me to ease up, or I’d look like a grovel whore. (Hmmph! Just no pleasing some lizards, I guess.) And as for the Olestra, I’m not really all that eager to experience colonic spasms-they’re just the price you have to pay for the benefits of being a subject of the Galactic Empire. Free health care, including vision and dental, a livable retirement pension, (MUCH better than Social Security) and the taxes-well, obviously a few bushels of potatos beats the hell out of what Uncle Sam squeezes out of us. I might even be able to afford that nice little retirement home on Aldebaraan, now. Yes, I definitely miss his Imperial Irascibility. Oh, Emperor, Emperor, wherefore art thou, Emperor?
(Ahem!) Er, yes, as I was saying, I do wonder where our favorite Lizard Regnant has gotten to lately. I don’t think he’s been absent so long since he first made his august presence known to we lowly Earthers. Should we be concerned? Should we offer up MonkeyHawk’s skinned carcass in appeasement? (Oh, chill, Monk, we’ll just skin a chicken and a gibbon and stitch ‘em together, he’ll never know the difference as long as you keep your mouth shut. And then you can quit dodging magmacannons. Win-win all around.)
Ok, I gotta get back to work, so I’ll see you all in the next thread, I hope.
skulking on the outskirts
April 15th, 2007 at 2:33 am [Reply]

GAAAHH!! Red, wtf have you been eating?? And it’s real nice of you to offer to share, but don’t get carried away, all right? (turns on fan, opens window, where the hell’s my air freshener, dammit)(jeez, I think he needs a colonoscopy, cuz’ something’s *rotten* in there)
skulking on the outskirts
April 15th, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

P.S. Red, if that was the effect of the Olestra, I will definitely pass-er, I mean, no thanks.
AppleGirl
April 15th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

Emperor Chennux?
Text me!
Islamorada Girl
April 15th, 2007 at 5:52 am [Reply]

I’ll get you, Chennux, and your little ynludns too!

Coup d’etat!
Marion Delgado
April 15th, 2007 at 5:54 am [Reply]

Paperback Rifler:

I’m holding out for Batiuk to say Frankie was having an affair with John’s wife. Or that John liked to wear Frankie’s letter jacket and hit on young girls.

Inadvertent incest is the stuff of Greek tragedies like Phonk’i Ynkrobin’
Claba
April 15th, 2007 at 6:47 am [Reply]

RM: 15/4 and we thought cleaning the garage was sexual. Encounters with Hugh left a bad taste in mouth, they should have added and bruises on my knees.
Galactic Emperor ChennuxÂ®â„¢Â©
April 15th, 2007 at 7:15 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! QUAIL IN TOTAL TEETH-SHATTERING TERROR AS YOU READ THE GALACTIC EMPEROR’S AUTOREPLY!

CHENNUX IS TEMPORARILY OUT OF THE THRONE ROOM! HE WILL RETURN ON EARTHER MONDAY WITH A SCREED THAT WILL PEEL THE ATMOSPHERE OFF YOUR PUNY PLANET! EARTH WILL LOOK LIKE A MARSHMALLOW FRESH FROM A GIRLSCOUT CAMPFIRE!

TO THE ONES CALLED POTEET, MONKEYHAWK, JOHN C FREMONT, ILSAMORADA GIRL, RED GREENBACK, SKULLTURF, O’FOGEYETTE, TRUE FABLE, FIZZY LOGIC, GH, APPLEGIRL AND OTHERS, CHENNUX HOPES THAT YOU HAVE A BARREL OR TWO OF TWO BILLION SPF SUNBLOCK HANDY! START SLATHERNG NOW!

END AUTOREPLY TRANSMISSION!
kippetje2000
April 15th, 2007 at 7:22 am [Reply]

CHEN-NUX the friend-ly GALACTIC EMPEROR,
the friend-li-est GALACTIC EMPEROR you know.
Though hu-mans might look at him with fright,
the cur-mudgen all love him so.

CHEN-NUX the friend-ly GALACTIC EMPEROR, he couldn’t be bad or mean.
He’ll romp and play, sing and dance all day,
the friend-li-est GALACTIC EMPEROR you’ve seen.
ahem

He al-ways says “Hel-lo,” and â€œIâ€™d be real-ly glad to eat-cha.â€
Where – ev-er he may go he might magma ev-’ry liv-ing creat-ure.
Hu-mans don’t un-der-stand why cur-mudgen love him the most,
But we all know he loves us so, CHE-NUX the friend-ly GALACTIC EMPEROR.
queek
April 15th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

While PBS taks a shot at FC, Sunday’s Lio is a true thing of beauty. Be sure to read the strip names, they’re some of the best parts.

Sadly, the intergalactic autoreply seems to have broken the Chron.
Blade Runner
April 15th, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]

Rhymes With Orange â€“ Him: Why are you looking at me like that fer, Maw? Folks around the se parts have been screwing sheep for years!
Her: Thatâ€™s the sheriffâ€™s gal.
Dennis Jimenez
April 15th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

Even the china spouts platitudes in MW’s universe.
Goaty
April 15th, 2007 at 7:56 am [Reply]

PBS: truly all IS forgiven. This week gave me sumo squirrels… and finally the Sunday strip with the Family Circus reference.

btw… I’m still bitter that my local paper hired the guy that does Kudzu as an editorial cartoonist after they fired Simpson. We had just gotten PBS and Get Fuzzy and then they disappeared and we got freakin’ Kudzu. Where I’m from Kudzu is a weed to exterminate, not nurture in your comics pages.
True Fable
April 15th, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

Y’all, we are all so dead. His Galactic Empireness is gonna flammbe us ’til we’re charcoal! I didn’t even insult him, or maybe I did, it’s hard to tell.
Might as well enjoy it, we wondered where he was. Wheee! Pass the marshmallows.
Buck Ripsnort
April 15th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

Phantom problems: “Detectives quickly zero in on an address the suspects refused to give up.”
Um, HOW?
True Fable
April 15th, 2007 at 8:13 am [Reply]

FBoFW May I remind you, St. Elly of Roundbottom, ye who have such unattractive feet that I still don’t see how drawing shoes can be any harder than not making a heel smaller than a big toe; that it’s your children who brought all those animals home to your house, and if you’d just make the two adult children of yours actually go out and find their own places to live, you would be less a few animals. Besides, I’m sure your family would much rather you run after the family pets, than to run their lives for them.

Oh, who am I fooling? This is just one of those refrigerator Sundays. Monday is grab-bag day (despite the name, it’s not when anyone cops a feel on a Patterson woman) so either April will continue to scream about where to live, or she will remember she’s considered roadside, or that she’s a slut now at 16; or Liz will spin the dial on the Warren/ Granthony/ Other Lustometer; or Dee and John will make some more Transparent Hints that dense St. Michael of the Treacley Tale will still not get but Elly of Hotflash will.
[/rant]
“A wise man keeps his friends close, and his most hated comic strips closer.”
calico
April 15th, 2007 at 8:16 am [Reply]

Attn: Squid Countess – Mark Trail and Elrod are totally toasting you today! Calamari!

FOOB – It’s sheet-shaving day, and Elly forgets her hormone patch.
Actually, my partner is sorta behaving like that this morning.
As Eddie Vedder sang, “I’m an Animal.”

Llama Bama Bee-Bop-a-Mary Worth-O-Rama
True Fable
April 15th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

Flim-flamma scamma, wham-bamma-thank-you-mamma!
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 15th, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

I just got caught up. No coffee or comics yet. But I’m SO glad his Galactic Emperorness is all right. I was worried about the big guy. Now I’m worried about me.

401 Crabbygenes: Genius!

409 Red G: TMI!!!

That’s all till later. Gotta go make coffee and start slathering.
Blade Runner
April 15th, 2007 at 9:04 am [Reply]

Ooo eee
Ooo Ah Ah
Ting Tang
Walla Walla Bing Bang

He He
Hoo Ha Ha
Weâ€™re all dead
Cause Chennux
Is gonna roast us.

Pass the
Butter and Jam
Cause Chennux
Is fixin to toast us.

Nice Going, Guys!
Good to know you.
stinky pete
April 15th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Update: Some may recall my abject begging a few months ago regarding the St. Louis Post-Dispatch’s comics poll. Although the voting ostensibly closed over a month ago, today’s SLPD is the first to mention any results.

The paper noted that the Sunday color comics are being reduced to only 4 pages (asshats!) by dropping the Sunday versions of Prince Valiant, Mark Trail and Brenda Starr, although daily MT and BS(!) will continue to appear. Prince Valiant apparently scored very low in the poll.

Then they noted that due to the death of Johnny Hart, BC will no longer appear beginning in early May. Since they are apparently going to keep the Wizard of Id, perhaps “due to the death of Johnny Hart” is newspeak for “since it came in last in our poll.” (If so, well done, Curmudgeon Nation!)

Finally, the paper said that other changes are forthcoming but will not be announced until early May. Very strange, since they have presumably had the results of the poll for over a month, that voting tallies have not been announced. Perhaps we are awaiting a Supreme Court ruling on the matter.
Don, the Rebel Without a Blog
April 15th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Another classic Lio today:

http://www.gocomics.com/lio/2007/04/15/
John C Fremont
April 15th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

A3G – So the gauntlet is down. Cool.

MT – I only counted 42 squid, 7 of which were airborne. I’ll try again. But the point is, squid. Squid!! SQUIIIID!!

RMMD – Other than June’s green “Well, duh!” panel, this was the breast RMMD ever.

MW – Interesting that “plate” and “platitude” come from the same word “plat” which, according to M-W.com, means “flat, dull.”

JP – Abbey and Neddy in Paris was supposed to be about trying on sexy outfits, not wearing bulky clothing while dodging oafish punks. I don’t blame Barreto, though. Curse you, Wilson!
Red Greenback
April 15th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

Bless your dark little heart, Lio!!

BTW CHENNUX!, Dick Cheney lent me the keys to his undisclosed digs, so bad luck getting MY coordinates!
calico
April 15th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

#435 – Springtime jugs from Morgan’s! Bazoomba.

MW -I thought rather that he (or she) who did not remember the past was condemned to repeat it.
Where does Moy cull all her Mary-isms and now Vera-isms from?
And what the hell is that on her plate? Llama?
stinky pete
April 15th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

437 Calico – Llama – it’s the other orange meat!
willethompson
April 15th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

Lio’s author HAS to be Mudge, or at least lurk here. If a rip-off of Marmadke ever appears there called ‘Really Big Dog,’ we’ll know – although if the Funky Winkerbean cancer reference wasn’t a shout-out, I don’t know what was.

And who pissed off His Scaly Pomposity? Margoboxcar, I’ve got a busy day tomorrow, and I don’t need the Earth getting fried in the middle of it all.
Red Greenback
April 15th, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

MT: All right! That cuts it! Proof positive Elrod reads this blog. Jack might as well have done the Scaduto riff by putting in a tag that said: “THANX TO SQUID COUNTESS, THE INTERNETS”
Woodrowfan
April 15th, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

I am willing to start a church of Johnny Hart so long as I can burn heritics and so long as I get to decide who said heritcs are.

And I’m not surprised you forget the bet Yellwjkt, given how much you had to drink thta night. But your impression of Ted Forth was dead on and your impression of Ted doing HIS imitation of Margo was a hoot!
Anonymous
April 15th, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

Wille, Josh said the Lio guy reads and posts here weeks back.
Gabe
April 15th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

Oops, 442 was me.
CrabbyGenes
April 15th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

#431, Thanks, O’Fogeyette! And while you’re slathering, please do whatever magic is you do to get us a new thread. I mean, we’re up in the 440’s! We’re dyin’ here! I seem to remember that it’s your coffee that’s the secret. I certainly hope so, since you mentioned that you were going to make some.
Red Greenback
April 15th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

“Springtime for Hitler” parody:
And now it’s…
Springtime for Mary and Charterstone
Vera’s a tough nut to crack!
I’ll have to meddle more subtle here
Tell me more about Pacific Cliffs, my dear!
Springtime for Mary and Charterstone
Santa Royale needs to know!
Springtime for Mary and Charterstone
Tell me, Vera
You can trust me!
Springtime for Mary and Charterstone…
CHORUS:
Look, it’s springtime
LEAD TENOR PHD, IAN CAMERON:
Who is this Von?
WHEELCHAIR-BOUND DR. JEFF CORY:
We put scopolamine in your prawns!
CHORUS:
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
NAYSAYER:
Come on, Vera
Go into your dance!
NAYSAYER “WILBUR”:
I used to write an advice column und that is why they call me Wendy.
NAYSAYER “TOEBY”:
Don’t be stupid, be a smarty, don’t walk out on our pool party!
calico
April 15th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

MW – I meant to comment on Mary’s weird face in today’s panel five – all I can do is quote Warren and say “Whoa!”

New thread drama
Llama-rama
Mary doesn’t wear pajamas
Sheilagh
April 15th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Well, I have long since lost track of the 400+ comments on the current posting here… but how about Beetle Bailey this morning? Miss Buxley seemingly doesn’t know the first thing about “sitting like a lady” in a miniskirt. If Beetle can doze off with that full-frontal crotch staring him RIGHT in the face… well, he’s either gay or dead.
Trotzenbonnie
April 15th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

Calm down everybody. Don’t worry about those magmacannons. I have more enough melanin to share with you all. Why, just the other day Don Imus called me a -BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
Poteet
April 15th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

# 400 — Nice work, CrabbyGenes. And being #400 gives it extra glam.

# 405 — Yes, skulking, that groveling of yours was world-class and set the standard. I think I’d better get into that mode myself. Focusing now…
Never teh Bride
April 15th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Middle children do provide convenient outlets for frustration…I should know, being the oldest of seven children, many of whom were once in the middle.
Poteet
April 15th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

# 448 — BWAHAHA! Pardon me, Trotzenbonnie, gotta get into this…

# 420 — Your Overwhelming Magnificence, I grovel before you in abject submission and utter remorse. In # 405, Skulking is right — it was just that we all missed you so terribly. And also it was late at night, and I got carried away. I deeply deeply (repeat thirty times) apologize.

Please keep in mind that many innocent Mudges, including True Fable, have done nothing (well, recently) to incur your wrath, and do not deserve to be turned into charcoal. I myself am very very very (repeat sixty times) sorry, and am already slathering in obedience to your mighty command.

As a very small atonement, I invite you to consider the image of your favorite female of the moment, dressed in a demure but interestingly-provocative manner, singing, while looking at you with a sultry expression, the following Earth classic, which expresses the feelings of some of us…

Why do I do, just as you say
Why must I just, give you your way
Why do I sigh, why donâ€™t I try – to forget

It must have been, that something lovers call fate
Kept me saying: “I have to wait”
I saw them all, just couldnâ€™t fall – â€™til we met

It had to be you, it had to be you
I wandered around, and finally found – the somebody who
Could make me be true, and could make me be blue
And even be glad, just to be sad – thinking of you

Some others Iâ€™ve seen, might never be mean
Might never be cross, or try to be boss
But they wouldnâ€™t do
For nobody else, gave me a thrill – with all your faults, I love you still
It had to be you, wonderful you
It had to be you
True Fable
April 15th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

H&LWait a minute. I can’t believe this little gem from Saturday was overlooked, or maybe I just didn’t have my snarkmeter turned on: http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070414&name=Hi_and_Lois

That, my friends, is a dark, dark sign of trouble in the Flagston house. Whatever Hi said was BAD. Look at Lois in panel one; yeah RIGHT she’s over it. That’s just code for “Oh, you are SO dead and I’m going to wield the shovel.”
Naw, it doesn’t matter that we don’t know what he said. Just a cursory glance at this cheerless, strife-torn family is like looking at a portrait of despair.
Panel 2: Lois says, “Whenever I get mad at you, I look out the window…” She looks out the window a LOT. The curtains are perpetually open, and I suspect she’s trying to train the clown-haired baby to do the same thing.
Then the third panel, she compares him favorably to Thirsty who doesn’t go by Thirsty anymore because it’s not appropriate to portray an alcoholic in the funny pages. It’s okay to show a lazy, irresponsible lout though. So, Hi is better than an enabled drunkard. Big whoop. I want to know who she’s having the affair with. I suspect it’s Dagwood’s neighbor Herb Woodley. Just the name is bound to tease her little blonde helmet head.
No wonder the kids run wild and tear things up, and the oldest boy Chip is as Greg Brady as there ever was. He tries to be “hip” and “with it” but by using those very terms he’s dead in the water. Good thing he’s got a really happening chick to smooch with.
The baby, of course, is a plant. She was sent by Family Guy’s Stewie Griffin to kill them all in their sleep. Really, for this quarreling, hateful, obstinate dysfunctional family it would be a blessing to put them all down.
Trilobite
April 15th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

I’m behind on my reading.

Saturday:

Mary Worth: I actually feel sorry for Vera. It’s hard enough being forced into having dinner with Mary, but then she gets blindsided by the old biddy’s painfully forced “formal wear not required. Ha ha.” No wonder Vera’s rolling her eyes in the last panel. Incidentally, why is Mary delivering her “joke” in a monotone, affect-less drone? Did Mark Trail steal all the exclamation points again?

A3G: “Margo, meet my mom! Mom, meet the woman who is going to kick your ass in a misguided, coke-fueled jealous rage!”

Gil Thorp: “You suck at batting because you’re always pulling your head, young man!” …well, duh; he’s a chunky, goofy-looking high school boy, he’s probably pulling his head in the shower, twice before he goes to sleep, and three or four times during the day.

Mark Trail: Dan’s clever disguise as the Brawny Paper Towel lumberjack clearly won’t fool a super-sleuth like Mark.
True Fable
April 15th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

#451 Thank you for the good words on my behalf, Poteet my Queen, but I fear the Magmacannon will be set to Overkill and I will end up soylent my underwear with everyone else.
I hoped by laying down a solid foundation of snarking he might pass me by and aim for the bolder comments of others but I am slathering myself with SPF 100 just in case he figures there’s a lesson for us all to learn.

Ah, me. The Roopville Kid is fixin’ to glow.
winky
April 15th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

thanks for the link, fizzy logic. but i still don’t see mary worth – it says “content currently unavailable”. am i not manipulating the internet tubes correctly?
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 15th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

434 Don: Thank you for the Lio link! (We don’t get it on Sundays.) I am now officially a Lio fan. I will never say another bad word about the strip.

440 Red G: I’m not so sure that Jackelrod hangs here, but I did like all the squid. As I mentioned many yesterthreads ago, I personally love and am fascinated by them, and feel honored to be in the same company with a Countess of Squid. (And I still think Karen Moy does hang here.)

445 Red G: I LOVELOVELOVE your Springtime for Hitler parody!

444 Crabbygenes: My mojo hasn’t been working too well lately. I’ve had my coffee but haven’t finished reading the comics. I’ll concentrate real hard, but about the best I’m hoping for at this point is that the thread ends sometime before we are all destroyed by a magmacannon blast.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 15th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

Before I sign off for another Division I softball game (we won last night! We’re #1 in the Pac-10 at at least #4 in the country!), a last sibling anecdote:

My best friend from high school had six children. At one point four of them were under the age of five. She told me she was able to follow the development of lying, the day that 2-year-old Andrew came in after having peed in his pants. “Oh, Andy,” she said, not upset but sympathetic, “Did you wet yourself?”

Andy, who clearly took this as blame, solemnly shook his head. “No, ” he told her. “Bobby did it.”
Trilobite
April 15th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

And now, I’m moving on to Sunday:

Mary Worth: Vera must’ve spent longer in her grubby tenement apartment than I thought, if she’s praising Mary’s cooking. Mmm-mmm, three fish sticks, some asparagus, and a big blob of whipped cream! What’s for dessert, a tube of raw cookie dough? And apparently when you dine with Mary, your only tableware will be a sharp kitchen knife: hopefully Vera will remember her etiquette and use it to stab Mary to death before slitting her own throat.

A3G: I smell a catfight brewing. Or rather, I hope I smell a catfight brewing.

Rex Morgan: I bet you Rex’s way of helping out will also end with Hugh Avery giving him a bad taste in his mouth.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 15th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

Get Fuzzy was pretty hilarious today. Of course I know some Cubs fans who may disagree.
Trotzenbonnie
April 15th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

What the hell do you think Johnny Hart, Kurt Vonnegut Jr and Don Ho are talking about in heaven right now?
stinky pete
April 15th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

SUB RED_GREENBACK_PARODY_AT_445()

COMMENT = “BWA”
FOR J = 1 to 8
COMMENT = COMMENT + “HA”
NEXT J

END SUB
Uncle Lumpy
April 15th, 2007 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

PSH
PSH
PSH
GOSUB STINKY_PETE@461
POP
POP
POP
Uncle Lumpy
April 15th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

#460 Trots -

Johnny Hart is all, “I told you so.”
Kurt is wondering how the hell he got in.
Don wants to go back to Hawaii.
Dingo
April 15th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

Scary but true: this week, DON Imus was fired for referring to the Rutgers Women’s Basketball team as “nappy-headed HOs.” This weekend, DON HO dies. Coincidence? I think not! Somebody, get Mary Worth on this. STAT!
Ellie M.
April 15th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

318: “Llamas – so very, very easy to love!”

Uhh, let’s not go there, shall we?
Citric
April 15th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

The biggest problem with being the youngest by a hefty margin (9-16 years) is that the older siblings, or at least in my case, tend to still regard you as the same little kid you were when they left home. That, and they tend to think they need to ‘guide’ me, so I tend to get so much unwanted advice it feels like I’m living in Charterstone. But, then again, I got some of the perks of an only child because having a kid was novel and new.
Uncle Lumpy
April 15th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

#464 Dingo -

OK, let’s see if we can make this work:

DONatella Versace is a vulgar, pork soda-loving fan of PrIMUS.

Oh please please please.
Lynngineering
April 15th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Amazing – is this thread still going?
I meawhile slept, got up, left, travelled on a plane, landed in another country already, am in the hotel, and expected to see that next big score.
Gotta have just one more….just one more…

Even I am not going to comment on Sunday’s FOOB “pet’s do the damndest things” Elly moment -er, past this sentence..
Dingo
April 15th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, PORK SODA? PORK SODA??? Sounds like a drink that would be endorsed by a pork queen*.

* – My favorite line: “It’s no picnic being the Pork Queen these days.”
Dingo
April 15th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

For winning, Ms. Greiman got the tiara, the sash, a bouquet of roses and a $2,000 scholarship. She won’t compete for a national title because the National Pork Board eliminated its queen in 1987. Unlike her mother, she’ll be staying mostly in Iowa during her yearlong reign. She probably won’t make any appearances at Hy-Vee stores. A spokeswoman for the company says, “It’s up to the stores and the stores, for whatever reason, haven’t booked her. … The Pork Queen is just a nonissue.”

Next weekend, Ms. Greiman will pass out pork burgers and award ribbons to prize hogs at the World Pork Expo in Des Moines.

She says she hopes she won’t be the last Pork Queen. One night, she says, “some little girl came up to me and said ‘I can’t wait to be Iowa Pork Queen.’ “

And the fate of Mewedith Patterson was sealed…
Dingo
April 15th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

Everyone gather around the pianoforte, please. Poteet, you live in Iowa so we’ll let you start. Take deep breaths and prepare to (arms fly out like a chorus boy) SING!

Pork Queen
to the melody of ‘Born Free’ by John Barry

Pork Queen! As pork queen your reign shows
Your stature at home grows
Pork Queen, just follow your heart

Pork Queen! The hogs will surround you
The smell will astound you
But – hey – at least you’re a star

Stay queen, no conflicts divide you
You’re free to rip farts, who can smell?
So there’s no need to hide

Pork Queen, and life is worth living
The gift keeps on giving
’cause you’re Pork Queen

(Stay queen, no conflicts divide you)
You’re free as a roaring fart
No need to hide your true heart

Pork Queen, and life is worth living
The gift keeps on giving
’cause you’re Pork Queen!
MonkeyHawk
April 15th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

#420 — Galactic Emperor ChennuxÂ®â„¢Â© auto-responded:

“CHENNUX IS TEMPORARILY OUT OF THE THRONE ROOM! HE WILL RETURN ON EARTHER MONDAY…”

Damn. Even when Chennux phones it in, he doesn’t bother to phone it in.

But his admission that he’ll not visit the “throne room” ’til Monday should prepare us all. No, not for magmacannons, but for the challenge he faces from Red Greenback (#409) who declared he’d “… just cut the worst fart in Christendom!”

I’m betting when Chennux returns to the “throne room” the best a magmacannon can do is difuse the stink. No one this side of an Iowa Pork Queen contestant will likely be able to stand it.

In fact, don’t be surprised if Iowa’s next Pork Queen turns out to be Chennux’s Glyxternian trollop.
Islamorada Girl
April 15th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

Chennux for Pork Queen!

(That should get him all riled up!)
Squid Countess
April 15th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail – All squid all the time! I’m too gratified for words. I just need to sit here quietly, replenishing my ink.
Poteet
April 15th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

# 471 — HAR! Dingo, nice song, and thanks for the honor of leading the choir.

The WSJ reporter, however, forgot to mention that rapidly-proliferating giant hog confinement buildings are causing civil war in rural Iowa, pitting pork producers against their stench-suffering neighbors. I’d bet that’s another reason the Pork Queen is in decline as a state icon.
Islamorada Girl
April 15th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

So you wouldn’t invest in pork futures, huh?
Woodrowfan
April 15th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

I once knew a woman who was the youngest of a large family (6 kids I think). Quite clearly an “oops” baby, the 2d youngest was her 2d grade teacher! (fresh from college so she was 22.)
Blondie
April 15th, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

Is it just me or are all of those cabs completely the same?
rich
April 16th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

Umm… the ratio of Chennux-related postings to Comix-related postings on this blog has become alarmingly high!
Just_human
June 18th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

Anyone familiar with ‘Magic Eye’ posters should be able to use that technique to compare the images by seeing how well they overlap.

There’s two differences – a missing wheel and the hood ornament. So the answer is 2 and 4.

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