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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: SQLUD

Apartment 3-G, 4/14/07

Many commentors and I are now all pretty much obsessed with comics characters birth order. I think it’s actually been established that Margo is an only child, and her rampant narcissism only serves as confirmation. (Similarly, Lu Ann the easily influenced eternal eight-year-old is clearly a youngest child, and introverted, conflict-averse Tommie a middle.) Margo probably doesn’t have much of a handle on sibling dynamics as a result, so let me offer her a warning: Eric’s sister is someone you want to get on your side, not someone you should be sizing up to figure out the best time to punch her in the throat, which is what you seem to be doing in the third panel.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/14/07

June’s look of despair in the third panel tells us that she knows exactly how little Dr. Morgan can be counted on to help anyone do anything. She’s dreading telling this chauffeur-cum-corporate intriguer that Rex is likely to be distracted on the way to the airport by some debonaire gentleman with greying temples and an avuncular manner. Or something shiny.

Dick Tracy, 4/14/07

Say what you will about Dick Tracy, but you have to admit that doesn’t shy away from action sequences that are (a) hyperviolent and (b) as demented as everything else in the strip, as this strip in which Dick engages in some kind of karate fight with a catsuited woman with the face of a playing card illustrates. Also, it has some of the best sound effects in the business. Surely SQLUD will go down in the history of great onomatopoeia with QWINK and QLUNQ.

166 responses to “Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: SQLUD”

  1. Barbara P
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Hey, isn’t that mayor Giuliani?

  2. Lynngineering
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    The apt3g try out for the blue-man group continues. Was it a sale that day? Or are the colorists on strike again, and now the writers have to fend for themselves. Either way. Margo seems the furthest away from blue mood.

  3. yellojkt
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    I haven’t seen a hair cut as butch as Katy’s since the woman that came out of the men’s room stall at my last Melissa Etheridge concert. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

  4. Harvest
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    SQLUD. That was awesome. I’d like to SQLUD on the faces of those Keane children, if you know what I mean…

  5. Weasel Boy
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Make fun of SQLUD if you must, but it just got me 30 points in Scrabble.

  6. SamWibatt
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    I was so hoping you’d mention SQLUD. It is, as you say, in good company. If you treat the Qs as glottal stops (as I’ve seen in some transliterations of Aleut languages and such), SQLUD is actually a pretty good head-kicking sound, too!

    And here the syndicate thought all those remaindered Qs were going to go to waste.

  7. flotsam
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    If the Queen of Spandex isn’t careful she’ll be just one quick step away from one of them wardrobe malfunctions.

  8. PhoenixDem
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, RMMD thumbs its nose at the Imus kerfuffle by introducing a character in blackface!

    Long-time lurker, first-time commenter, by the way. Howdy.

  9. a
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Yay! Josh is home! We missed you! What did you bring us?

  10. Uncle Lumpy
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    I hope the Dick Tracy onomatopoeia find their way into mainstream English. C’mon, Dick – SCRABBLE® needs you!

    (kusukusu)

  11. Lynngineering
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Also – yeah Dick Tracy is fine in onomonapeia standards, but aren’t we maybe leaving out the discussion that went on due to the more humble “THONNK” of the Amazing Spider-Brick?

  12. Maughta
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Is Sqlud related to Squid?

    I think you’re having a baleful influence on the comics, Josh. Pretty soon everyone will have a squid reference, not just TDIET, Mark Trail, and Lio. Oh, and Mike Patterson’s pet name for his manly bits.

  13. Reeipcheep-chan
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    #3 – Didn’t Katy have cancer or something?

  14. MossMoses
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    “The past is food for thought that is best binged and purged by sticking finger down throat”.

    The amorphous blobs on Vera’s plate are more clearly defined than most of Mary Worth’s cooking. The white blob is mashed potatoes. The green junk is asparagus and the orange-ish slop is some type of sliced fowl like turkey or chicken. The imploring doe eyes and knowing smirk of the gracious hostess quickly turn to evil glare once she gets into busybiddy meddling mode. The yellow panel is a transformation technique that takes the conversation from chitchat to nosy prying.

  15. Esophagus
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    #7
    As long as I live, I hope to never see the breast of a playing card, let alone a personification of one.

  16. Dick, the doorbell
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    DT – Queenie will escape to Applied Cryogenics and hide in a tube which will accidently get set to about 2875. She’ll emerge and found Mom’s Friendly Robot Company, then once again adopt a bulky disguise, meanwhile still keeping in fighting trim.

  17. Pozzo
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Did Rex Morgan get anti-colorized between panels 1 and 2? It’s like June and talking-hair boy have suddenly clicked their heels and gone back to Kansas.

  18. Kurdt
    April 15th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    I have this odd feeling that Don Martin used SQLUD as a sound effect sometime in the past. Does anyone have Completely Mad on DVD and can look it up?

  19. katherine
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Sqlud is actually an acronym, standing for Screwy Queen Licks Ugly Detective.

    Makes as much sense as anything else going on in that strip….

  20. TheChemist
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Lio just blew my mind!
    GIANT ANTS attack the sunday comics… it’s just too awesome.

  21. RyanE
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Geena Davis is having so much trouble finding work that she’s appearing in A3G.

  22. Pozzo
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    #4 Harvest – I think I do know what you mean, and frankly I’m appalled. Now, Thelma, on the other hand, is probably rarin’ for a good SQLUD session.

  23. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I think your otherwise-awesome DT comment is missing an “it” in the first line(?)

  24. pedant
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    It’s “debonnaire.”

  25. Peterthegreat
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    It would be nice if action sequences such as those in Dick Tracy occasionally occured in other comics, such as Mary Worth. I might actually start reading it, and I bet others would as well.

  26. Dingo
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Let it be said that if you REALLY want to end a thread, mention the Iowa Pork Queen.

  27. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    And I wonder if Queen of Diamonds has to wear nasal strips to get a good night’s sleep. Her nose doesn’t look very functional somehow.

  28. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    The men in RMMD are just so….pretty. (Sigh.)

  29. treedweller
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    I scoffed when FOOB gave April’s lips a collagen injection the day she turned sixteen, but in light of this A3G, I think I may just be out of touch with the kids today. It seems that lip enhancement is what the teens are getting for their birthdays now.

  30. Blade Runner
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Johnny Cash – The Ring of Fire

    Magma is molten rock
    It will burn and fry you up
    Earth will be charred to a crisp
    In a searing hail of fire

    Earth will burn in a searing hail of fire
    Chennux guffaws
    As the flames grow higher
    And it burns burns burns
    The hail of fire
    The hail of fire

    Chennux rules the galaxy
    His might, legendary
    Sphincters clench to tiny holes
    To survive, we dig like moles

    Earth will burn in a searing hail of fire
    Chennux demands that we grovel or die
    And it burns burns burns
    The hail of fire
    The hail of fire

  31. King Folderol
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – True, but I’m really sad that Rex couldn’t be present to provide his deer-in-the-headlights look personally, like he did when brought x-rays of a patient. June’s scared all right, but the excitement is always palatable when it’s Rex himself, looking like a scared little boy for all the world to see.

    DT – I’m more impressed with the crazy extension on that kick, if that double line is to be believed. Playing-card villian dude (chick?) has some insane lift to her bad ass karate-style moves. Dick’s 1940s jargon and mannerisms will be hard pressed to defeat him (her?).

  32. Caged Tygre
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Is that Tim Daly in RMMD? I guess since his shows keep getting cancelled he has to rely more and more on his cartoon appearances.

  33. montymoose
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    I use to think that the odds of a woman in a low cut bodysuit with high heels being sexy was 99.999%. In the last panel of Dick Tracy I find who’s that other .001%.

  34. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Just when I thought I’d seen everything, now I see Dick Tracy is getting a sqlud from Elaine Stritch!

  35. SamWibatt
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy is getting a sqlud from Elaine Stritch!

    I don’t know who Elaine Stritch is – as a fan of the Jeeves and Wooster series I was sure the Queen was really Honoria Glossop.

  36. Douglas E. Iannucci
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    I applaud Dick Tracy for not being afraid to experiment and bravely extending the known bounds of onomatopoeia. Hear, hear!

  37. Dactyl
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Do we know for certain that the long-haired vixen in panel 3 of apt 3-G is Eric’s sister and not his sister-in-law? That is, is she not the widow or ex-wife of Eric’s dead or deadbeat brother? Because we know there is no way that Margo is going to marry this guy, and marrying him off to a former sister-in-law so that he can be Katy’s new dad seems like a nice way to break Margo’s heart without tarnishing Eric’s reputation. Because, for some reason, I think we’re not supposed to hate Eric already, though I’m not sure why.

  38. treedweller
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    28 Poteet:
    Hey, you’re right! Infact, I’d say the person Chauffeur Pete most resembles is Hillary Swank in “Boys Don’t Cry.”

    The fictional character he most resembles is, of course, June Morgan (see panel 3).

  39. Tats
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    “Margo, I thought you were supposed to plan a party that, you know, a teenager couldn’t just throw together herself.” “What?! I bought pink, green, and yellow balloons! What more do you people want from me?!”

  40. treedweller
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    though I see the Tim Daly thing, as well.

  41. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    # 30 — Blade Runner, I am torn between guffawing and being consumed with guilt for my Chennux-mockery that is bringing this fire upon us…

    DT — Apparently the purpose of the Sunday DT is to show us what would have happened if the DT action in the previous week had taken place in a different dimension. And if DT had attempted to rip open the Queen of Diamonds’ catsuit with his very short arm. So to speak.

  42. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    # 38 — Treedweller, I agree with you! I hadn’t seen Hillary in that role, but the resemblance is definitely there. Chauffeur Pete had better stay away from Rex, or Rex will be too distracted to focus on anything else.

  43. Moon Mullins
    April 15th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Wow! Get caught up in work and taxes for a few days, and suddenly you are thousands of posts behind.

    Haven’t been able to miss Mark Trail and his private dick antics, though. It resulted in this little ditty (sung to the tune of “Secret Agent Man”):

    There’s a man who leads a life of danger
    Bet you thought he was a park ranger
    But this photojournalist
    Is right now really pissed
    His pal faked death and now is on the lam

    Insurance Payout Scam!
    Insurance Payout Scam!
    Well, Mark Trail’s got your number
    and his potato knows your name.

    Beware of pretty faces like Miss Sally
    Two million bucks is what she’ll try to tally
    Her lover Dan looks weird
    With his dyed hair and beard
    Mark’s coming soon it’s time for them to scram

    Insurance agen-cy!
    Insurance agen-cy!
    They told Trail your information
    and they said they paid your claim.

    —— lead guitar ——

    Think you’ll be on the Riviera one day
    But not if Mr. Trail gets things his way!
    You picked the wrong ubiquiduck
    He’s gonna pound your face to fuck
    The odds are you will be in jail tomorrow

    He knows what you did!
    Time for Sunday squid!
    Time to wrap up this dumb story
    And get back to beaver tales.

  44. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    # 41 — But let me add, to be fair and mature, that Fizzy Logic started it.

  45. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    # 43 — BWAHAHA! Thanks, Moon.

  46. other pedant
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    24 pedant, both spellings are acceptable.

  47. Steve
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    #43 – Bravo, sir, bravo!

  48. Steve
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Also, am I a bad person for kinda liking “Dick Tracy”? I mean, how often to we get fistfights in the comics page? Not often enough, I say!

  49. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    #43 It’s really hard to type like this, but I give you a-”Two thumbs WAY up”- That was bloody brilliant, Moon!

  50. pedant
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    24/46 OOF! as is “debonair,” as it turns out.

    Sorry I doubted the pope.

  51. MonkeyHawk
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of thumbs (and I can because Chennux obviously lacks opposible ones and can’t go back to the last thread that ended shortly after I exposed him…in a nice way, I mean), we have nothing to worry about regarding magmacannons on Monday. His Imperial Lizardness will be busy shopping for an evening gown in his newfound quest to be voted Iowa Pork Queen, thanks to Islamorada Girl’s nomination.

    Tuesday…uh, not so much.

  52. True Fable
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    #43 Absolutely fantastic, Moon Mullins! And Hoorah for #30 Blad Runner too; a little appeasement might make the coming horror that is magmacannon a quick and merciful affair.

    Me, I’m just glad Josh is back. I knew when Dingo brought out the Iowa Pork Queen, something was bound to happen. There is power in a crown, my friends.

  53. Spotted HØrse
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    #43 Moon:

    He knows… what! you did!
    Time for… Sunday SQUID!

    Magically delicious, man! Yum, yum, yum, yum.

  54. Spotted HØrse
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    #43 Moon:

    He knows… what! you did!
    Time for… Sunday SQUID!

    Magically delicious, man! Yum, yum, yum, yum.

  55. Spotted HØrse
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    I repeat myself when under stress. I repeat myself when under stress.

  56. Non-Shannon
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Aw, man! Just when I finally decide to banish Dick Tracy from my daily reading, it finally gets interesting? Wait, it’s still not that interesting. And it’s ugly. Nevermind.

    I think I’d be more interested in the SQLUD if it were emanating from Mary Worth’s skull as a result of being brutally bludgeoned with her own casserole dish. And then Vera would strip off those horrible hair extensions, scalp Mary, and wear her biddy-helmet as a trophy. A girl can dream, can’t she?

    Chauffeur Pete is my new comics crush, by the way.

  57. C. Havoc
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Sunday RMMD: Second Panel…

    Yech.

    Rex…This could be your finest hour

  58. True Fable
    April 15th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    So why does popping a man upside the head elicit a “SQLUD”, and kicking the shit out of his jaw with a high heeled lash of the foot brings on nothing but silence and a little cartoon “flash”-looking thing? Or did SQLUD soak up the next comic strip sound effects like some sort of onomatopoeic sponge or black hole?

    Inquiring minds want to know.

  59. Trilobite
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    I like the subtext of these last two A3Gs: Katy’s mom is wearing her hair down, the same way that Margo did after she rode Eric like a pony. Meanwhile, Margo herself has her hair tightly wound up into its bun, a symbol that she is once again sexually frustrated and looking to take out her insane rage on someone. They cannot help but instantly become mortal enemies.

    I can’t help but wonder whether Katy’s mom is supposed to be Eric’s sister or just his sister-in-law. If it’s the former, then Margo’s instinctive fear that any woman who’s gettin’ some is gettin’ it from Eric becomes…well, I’m just saying that I always knew Margo would have some freaky turn-ons. (Mostly because Tommie couldn’t be so smitten by her if she didn’t.)

  60. Sixpence
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    #2 A3G — I assumed that what we were supposed to realise was Margo’s horror and being confronted with the fact that the only reason Eric might be attracted to her is because she looks exactly like his sister, and Margo is not anyone’s incest substitute.

  61. Tukla in Iowa
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Shiny? Did you say shiny? /me pores over RMMD looking for the shiny

  62. Harry Paratestes
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    DT: If you think about it a little, you can tell who Dick’s opponent is. You look at the lantern jaw, the vaguely handsome face which resembles the flat end of a 12-pound ham, the flowing mane, and the bulgy, muscular breasts and you realize, “My god, that’s what Fabio does these days”!

  63. MonkeyHawk
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    I’m not going on the record as to the authenticity or accuracy of what was just text-messaged to me from a high-school girl shopping for a prom dress in Cedar Rapids, but here’s what she heard in the next dressing room:

    I feel pretty!
    Kinda giddy!
    I feel flitty
    and witty
    and wise!
    And I pity
    Any pork queen
    candidate my size!

    I’m delightful!
    Yet I’m frightful!
    And I’m spiteful
    to magma-que hogs!
    And I’m mindful
    to magmacannon
    any snarky blogs!

    See that lizard there in that cocktail dress!
    (What lizard? Where?)
    Who can that attractive king be?
    (What, when, where, whom?)
    Such a gritty snarl
    Such a snitty sneer
    Such a pretty ME!

    Got a dress now!
    Must confess now,
    Being Emperor’s not as it seems!
    For I long
    to live
    Iowa Pork Queeny dreams!

  64. Blade Runner
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Poteet, True Fable: Thank you.

    Poteet, I am from Iowa, too. I Grew up in Des Moines. I went to Luther College in Northeast Iowa.

    I was out mowing my yard and thinking of another verse for my GE Chennux song, but now I’m all Margo Boxcar Saturned about the Pork Queen.

    Poteet: I will see you at the Iowa State Fair this summer and buy you a strawberry smoothie if the earth has not been vaporized.

    Red Green Back: I hope Dick Cheney has plenty of magazines and Ensure stockpiled. This may be a long summer.

  65. PeteMoss
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Haven’t read the comments yet. But, is it possible this is Eric’s sister-in-law? That would make the dynamic here a lot more interesting.

  66. Trilobite
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s Mary Worth is an excellent jumping-on point for new readers, thanks to some brilliantly evocative artwork. Mary’s psychotic glee matches up perfectly with her bright yellow explosion-themed blouse, of course, but the best is saved for last. In fact, everything you need to know about what’s going on is clearly summed up in that last panel.

    The stack of broken asparagus at the top of the plate represents the destruction that Mary leaves in her wake, of course. The three frozen fish sticks must be Mary and her two hangers-on, Toby and Professor Chinbeard, for obvious reasons. (Chinbeard’s fish stick is broken, possibly to reflect his lecherous feelings for Vera.) The generous dollop of whipped cream in the corner warns you of the sickeningly sweet and ultimately meaningless proverbs that must always accompany the story. And Vera’s hand, clutching its sharp kitchen knife, hopefully represents her homicidal intent towards them all if they don’t leave her the hell alone.

    In other news, Mary is a horrible cook who won’t even give her dinner guest a fork or a spoon.

  67. Trilobite
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Know what would’ve been nice? If I’d actually linked to Sunday’s Mary Worth instead of leaving a blank link. I swear, it’s not my fault, someone must’ve taken the link away from me (the way so many other things have been taken away from me).

    …Curses be upon you, Von!

  68. Harry Paratestes
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    A3G: An intellectual SQLUD on 4/15! In a subtle manner, Katy’s mom slams Margo as being only a cheap hireling, and she lights up in a smile of triumph as Margo reels in agony.

  69. Harry Paratestes
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Trilobite
    Did you ever do some Photoshopping of the Watchman comics over on something awful?

  70. Islamorada Girl
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    The Queen of Hearts looks like a 70 -year- old, very tired drag queen doing Diana Rigg in The Avengers.

    Speaking of queens,I think we’ll see Emp Chennux as soon as he gets finished over to the Wal Mart looking for a nice Pork Queen rhinestone tiara to go with his prom gown.

  71. Islamorada Girl
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Oh, I am such dead meat now.

  72. Harold
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    #14 Moss, I assumed that the orange things Mary is serving to Vera were either pressed fetuses or sliced pufferfish livers. Perhaps Vera is finding them as hard to identify as we are.

  73. Lulu
    April 15th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Wait, I thought Mom-who-doesn’t-even-go-to-her-own-child’s-birthday-parties-even-though-said-daughter-is-recovering-from-chemo was a sister-in-law, not a sister. Hmm, perhaps I’m wrong.

  74. Mibbitmaker
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: John: “No, April, it’s just you. You’re irrelevant and just in the way.”

    FW: In other words, the photocopier is utterly futile. Pointless. Thus, really depressing.
    –this has been Funky Winkerbean for today.

    FC: “That’s okay, Jeffy. It’s just that you’re irrelevant, in the way, futile, pointless, and really depressing.”

    S-M: “Into the JAWS of DEATH!” Ooh, does that mean Spidey gets fatally eaten by a shark that juts upwards from below, chomping him in mid-air? Coo-ool!

  75. Moon Mullins
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the nice words about the Secret Agent Man song; plus, coming from such legendary names here, it really means a lot!

    You know, it is probably just a coincidence, but I have felt really inspired recently. This enormous lizard came to my office not long ago complaining of erectile dysfunction. After I prescribed Viagra, he said he couldn’t pay (happens so often these days), but he offered me a Creativity Geode in lieu of money. What could I do? I took it.

    It doesn’t really seem to do much for me except that it starts humming show tunes every once in awhile. And then I start scribbling.

  76. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Rest in Peace, Don Ho.

    Squiddly bubbles (squiddly bubbles)
    In the brine (in the brine)
    Makes me happy (makes me happy)
    Makes me feel fine (makes me feel fine)

    Inky bubbles (inky bubbles)
    Makes me warm all over
    With a feeling that I’m gonna
    Love you till the end of time

    So here’s to your mantle cavity
    That propels you o’er the silv’ry sea
    And mostly here’s a toast
    To you and me

    So here’s to your torpedo shape
    May your foes you will escape
    And to your ink
    That will not fade away

  77. Moon Mullins
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    #77 Well done, Red!

    You know what I just realized? If one of those Rutgers’ ladies hooked up with Imus she’d be a Don Ho.

  78. Buck Ripsnort
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    A3G: No one’s brought up the idea of clonage, or mirror-universe duplicates? That’s right folks, Katy’s mom is Margo’s Evil twin. His Imperiatorship Chennux itself could not devise a more hideous creature. And as revealed by the cryptic Hair Code, (hair up= frustration, hair down= I Got Some) THE BEAST HAS MATED.

    Someone hold me. I’m scared.

  79. SecretMargo
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: the “throwaway” panels: my first thought, due to the patented CC influence:

    Maybe ask him to cut down on the asparagus?

    (this also puts Vera’s apparent refusal to partake of Mary’s offerings in another, even less savory [if you will] light. Okay, I just grossed myself out.)

  80. Esophagus
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Check out the Family Circus for the 14th. I’m pretty sure Daddy Keane has tricked his kids into thinking he’ll look for them once they hide.

    Possibly in a broken refrigerator.

  81. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! MACRAME YOUR BOWELS INTO A GRANNY KNOT OF HORROR! CHENNUX IS NOW IN LOW EARTH ORBIT!

    SO, MY PUNY SNARKERS! RAN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY YESTERTHREAD? WONDERED WHERE THE BIG GREEN GUY HAD WANDERED OFF TO? I’VE BEEN TESTING THE REFURBISHED MAGMACANNONS! ANYONE CHECKED THE WESTERN NIGHT SKY LATELY? DOES YOUR SISTER PLANET VENUS SEEM A BIT BRIGHTER THAN USUAL? A MAGMACANNON-IGNITED ATMOSPHERE WILL DO THAT! HAHA!

    SO, I HOPE YOU’RE SLATHERED AND ASSUMING THE POSITION! THE BAD NEWS IS THAT CHENNUX IS READY TO FRY CERTAIN BLASPHEMERS INTO LITTLE GOOEY OF GLOBS OF CRISP-ON-THE-OUTSIDE/RUNNY-ON-THE-INSIDE BITS O’ FLESH! THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I DON’T USE TRANS FATS!

    BUT FIRST, A SONG! TO THE TUNE OF THE POLICE’S KING OF PAIN!

    THERE’S A CRUSTY BURNT SPOT ON THE EARTH TODAY
    AND A LITTLE MORE SMOKE THAT YESTERDAY!
    I’M A BIG GREEN GUY IN A STATE OF TORQUE
    WITH A MAGMACANNON AND A SKXCRITORT!

    AN EMPEROR’S JOB IS NEVER DONE
    BUT SCORCHING THE EARTH IS A TON OF FUN!
    I GUESS YOU’RE ALWAYS HOPING THAT I’LL END MY REIGN,
    BUT IT’S MY MARGOING JOB TO BE THE GALACTIC EMPEROR OF PAIN!

    THERE’S A RUNNER OF BLADES MOCKING ‘RING OF FIRE’
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    HE’LL JOIN LITTLEGUY ON THE FUNERAL PYRE
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    TRUE FABLE TRIES TO HIDE UNDER QUEEN POTEET
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    AS THE GUNS ARE TRAINED BY THE IMPERIAL FLEET!
    (that’s my fleet up there…)

    RED G. HOPES TO HIDE IN DICK CHENEY’S PLACE
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    AFTER TAUNTING ME WITH ‘THE PRINCE OF SPACE’
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    BUT SOON, ALONG WITH SKULKING ON THE OUTSKIRTS,
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    HE’LL FIND A MAGMACANNON BLAST REALLY HURTS!
    (that’s my fleet up there…)

    (bridge)
    FIZZY LOGIC RUNS SCREAMING TO GET STUFF FROM ARCHIE McPHEE’S
    O’FOGEYETTE TRIES TO TYPE WITHOUT APOSTROPHES
    TROTZENBONNIE IS FORCED TO DO A POLKADANCE
    AND HAROLD EATS THE CRUST FROM THE EMPEROR’S PANTS!

    (wild skxcritort solo)

    SKULLTURF SEES A NOTE AT THE U. OF YORK
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    JOHN FREMONT SEEKS A RHYME FOR ‘SKXCRITORT’
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    KIPPETJE2K MOCKS ME WITH A SONG
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    AND THE I-GIRL SNARKS BUT NOT FOR LONG!
    (that’s my fleet up there…)

    APPLEGIRL’S HAPPY WITH HER PAIRS OF SHOES
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    BUT SHE’LL GET BURIED IN THE MAGMOTIC OOZE!
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    MONKEYHAWK SAYS I HANG WITH A GLYXTERNIAN ‘HO
    (that’s my fleet up there…)
    BUT HE’LL END UP CANCELLED LIKE THE IMUS SHOW
    (that’s my fleet up there…)

    AN EMPEROR’S JOB IS NEVER DONE
    BUT SCORCHING THE EARTH IS A TON OF FUN!
    I GUESS YOU’RE ALWAYS HOPING THAT I’LL END MY REIGN,
    BUT IT’S MY MARGOING JOB TO BE THE GALACTIC EMPEROR OF PAIN!

    HA! HA! HA! EMP OF PAIN!
    HA! HA! HA! EMP OF PAIN!
    HA! HA! HA! EMP OF PAIN!

    FIRE MAGMACANNONS!

    …..
    sqlud
    …..

    MARGOBOXCARSATURN! THE CIRCUITRY FRIED! HOLD THAT POSITION! I’LL BE RIGHT BACK!

    END TRANSMISSION!

    (melkarDAMMIT!)

  82. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Moon! You know what I just realized? What if the Hostessâ„¢ company got sent to the rack for calling one of their products “HO HOs”…

  83. PeteMoss
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Squids are a hot subject these days and I’m not a bit surprised someone as keen on pop culture as Jack Elrod has tapped into the whole cephalopod-mania that has everyone talking tentacles!

  84. Mr. O’Malley
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    April’s in the air, but here in Paris
    April wears a different Mohawk
    You can see Cedric waltzing down the street
    The clang of boots is in the air
    I’m drunk with all the fumes an old blowtorch can give
    Never dream’d it could be so exciting to live

    April in Paris
    Hookers from Brooklyn
    Utility closets in the alleys

    April in Paris
    This is a showdown
    No one can ever reprise

    I never knew a pair of punks
    Whose French was such a disgrace
    I never knew my hand could swing
    A crowbar into somebody’s face till

    April in Paris
    Whom can I kneecap
    What have you done to my beret

  85. Non-Shannon
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Hey, it looks like I’m exempt from the Emporer’s wrath! Ha-ha. So long, suckers!!!

  86. Blade Runner
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    BTW – today is Liz Phair’s 40th birthday. She is the ultimate Pork Queen.

  87. Blade Runner
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    Oops – Make that Tuesday for Liz Phair’s b-day. I just got so excited.

  88. PeteMoss
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Galactic Emperor, sir, I told them not to mock you, I did. I told them it was wrong, wrong wrong. I told them they risked more than losing the Chron or getting a bad sunburn. Yessir, I did. I told them they risked hurting your feelings and that was wrong, wrong wrong. I’m pretty sure I said something like that. Anyway, how many Dirty Microbe Girls will it take to appease you this time? Just let me know. I’ll arrange everything.

  89. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    # 62 — Harry, while your theory is interesting, I don’t think Queen of Diamonds can be Fabio unless he had a seriously-botched nose job. Which is possible, of course..

    # 64 — Why thank you, Blade! On the small chance that we both live, sounds like fun!

  90. Theominousoat
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

  91. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    CHEN-NUX! (that’s my superintendent Chalmers impersonation, BTW) You weren’t sussposed to blast us ’til earther monday(nine ways to sunday)…Anyhooo, “Peggy” told me you are “quick on the trigger”…Seriously though, it’s nice to have you back, TG you still employ a dial-up connection.

  92. Gabe
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    (should someone tell the Emporer that Weird Al already parodied King of Pain?)

  93. pesch
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Woo-hooo! When I read “ATTENTION EARTHERS! MACRAME YOUR BOWELS INTO A GRANNY KNOT OF HORROR! CHENNUX IS NOW IN LOW EARTH ORBIT!” I wanted to hoot like the audience at a “Happy Days” taping when the Fonz walked in!

    Great to have you back, big guy. Great song! Can anyone else “hear” this song as if Sting was singing it? It lends lines like “HAROLD EATS THE CRUST FROM THE EMPEROR’S PANTS!” a particular piquency, especially if you imagine Sting wearing that crown from his music video.

  94. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    # 81 — BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Hahaha! errr…

    Your Glorious Excellency, that’s such an excellent song. But if you vaporized us, wouldn’t you miss us? Just a little? At least as song material?

    Our snarking in your direction is a sign of deep affection. Honest! We don’t snark about subjects that we find boring. We snark only about subjects that matter. We really missed you when you were gone, and we didn’t know what to do, and we wanted you to come back and talk to us. Our method wasn’t the best, but our intentions were good. Shouldn’t that count for something?

    Couldn’t we all sort of hug and make up and then you could give us a powerpoint presentation on how magnificent you are? We’d love to see it!

  95. PeteMoss
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    It takes the combination of a left hook and a right-handed bitch-slap on an overly-square jaw to produce the SQLUD effect.

  96. katherine
    April 15th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    y’all, I explained the meaning of sqlud way back in comment 19. scroll up and wonder no longer!

  97. William Sommerwerck
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Could it be that the Queen of Diamonds’ hair style is due to excessive time spent listening to XM radio?

  98. Smurglap/Kr\\’lpak/Epstein, Attorneys in Interstellar Law
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    2.38 x 10 to the 6th Avenue of the Trampled
    New Agony, Pronikkk
    Zynex

  99. Dean Booth
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    DT: According to the Google, Dr. S. Q. Lud wrote a PhD thesis titled Bio Interfacing with Diamond. That could be the title of this strip, too; the Queen is bio-interfacing with Dick big time.

  100. Dr. Dong
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The Queen of Diamonds is actually the King of Diamonds after a sex change operation.

  101. Gabe
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Wow…so the sound effect could be a weird shout out to some acadamia dude? Weird.

    Or it could just be a coincidence.

  102. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    CHENNUX!..I kid!!!…anyhoodleydoodle, back to the yesterfesterbestertester thread @ familily dynamics…My dad divorced my mom and re-married a gal named Gladys. Gladys’ daughter married my pop’s brother Tom. Okay, this is where it gets weird; Marge (Gladys’ daughter) had two sons from her previous marriage(Steve and Jerry)…so, they(Steve and Jerry) are both my cousins and nephews?…Does this make a Plugger????

  103. Gabe
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Depends. Are you a hideous hybrid manbeast?

  104. Mr. O’Malley
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    102. Red, I don’t think you could be a Plugger if all of your relatives are of the same species, but you may be qualified to write a song entitled “I’m My Own Uncle”.

  105. Smurglap/Kr\\’lpak/Epstein, Attorneys in Interstellar Law
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    2.38 x 10 to the 6th Avenue of the Trampled
    New Agony, Pronikkk
    Zynex

    Attention Earthers, especially the one called MonkeyHawk:

    His Imperial Beneviolence (sic) has ordered us to inform you that he has not:

    1) any interest in entering a Pork Queen competition,

    2) tried on any gowns, gownlike substances or gown-related accessories, or

    3) ever filled out, paid an entry fee to or participated in any preliminary Pork Queen competitions.

    He further wishes to note that anyone who saw a 14′ tall crowned reptilian with robe and sceptre enter any shopping malls near Cedar Rapids in the past 12 Earther hours is lying and is subject to anal magma enemas to the fullest extent of Galactic law.

    (In other words, MonkeyHawk, shhhhhhhh. Just between us avio-simians, it’s far too easy for us to end up on a plate smothered in bar-b-que sauce with a side of tax-free potato salad.)

    ’nuff said.

    Smuglap

  106. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    No Gabe, hybrids are for bleeding heart libruls. I am merely a hideous manbeast trying to get over..

  107. Little Guy
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    DT makes me nostagic for my youth. When I was a wee lad, I would watch Saturday morning cartoons while eating a bowl of either QWINK and QLUNQ and drinking a glass of fresh cold SQLUD.

  108. Albtraum
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    SQLUD is the sound of Dick Tracy’s eardrum being ruptured by the open-handed smack to the side of his head. Which would explain the silence in the next panel.

    Or alternately the dialogue and sound effects for the strip are transmitted live from location over a microphone clipped to Dick’s tie, and SQLUD is the sound of the leotarded lady crushing it with her closed hand.

  109. Chris
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Well done, Mr. O’Malley #84…I salute you, Vernon Duke salutes you, the Count salutes you, and the Chairman of the Board salutes you!

  110. Harold
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    The Queen of Diamonds is wisely protecting her SQLUD-slapping hand from coming into accidental contact with Dick Tracy’s diamond-cutter chin. At least in Saturday’s version of this fight.

    Crimestopper’s Notebook:
    This week:
    Parked Next to a dark van? Who’s lurking inside?
    Next week:
    Parked next to a white van? No problem!
    The week after:
    Parked next to a multi-colored van? Whip out your gun and open up on those drug-crazed hippies!

    Well, at least the crust on G.E. Chennux’s pants is made of Rocky Road ice cream sprinkled with diamonds and gold nuggets. Could be worse.

  111. Little Guy
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    CHENNUX noticed me! He noticed me!

  112. O’Fogeyette
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    26 and yesterthread Dingo: I loved the Pork Queen parody. But I’ve been away all day.

    Other parodists: love your stuff too. Most especially, of course, the song of the Great Galactic Emperor himself!

  113. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    I am my own uncle
    My lab assistant’s name is Karbuncle
    We created a hideous manbeast
    Who rose like brewer’s yeast
    And decided to call him Greg Kunkel…Twee, Twee…Twittle, twee, twee

  114. True Fable
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    Dang, I got fried. And I tried to be nice. I suppose the Galactic Emperor took exception to my flirtation with Poteet, my Queen. Well, as Miroku would say…”It was worth the pain!”

    And yeah…I thought he was going to come here on Monday too. Talk about your prematurity, sheesh!

    On the bright side, I can make charcoal sketches on my walls simply by throwing myself up against them with my charred body. Kinda neat. Looks like Gil Thorp off drugs.

  115. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    #28,(Poteet)
    So pretty, and so dumb. Except for Elvis. He had the dumb part down, but…

  116. O’Fogeyette
    April 15th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Spoken:
    He went away
    And we hung around and insulted him every thread
    And, when we still didn’t hear from him
    We said things that will soon make us dead.

    Sung:
    Chennux is back, and we’re gonna be in trouble
    (Hey la, hey la, Chennux is back)
    When we see him comin’, better double on the grovel
    (Hey la, hey la, Chennux is back)
    We’ve been spreadin’ lies that he lives with his mama
    (Hey la, hey la, Chennux is back)
    So look out now, ’cause he’ll blast us with the magma
    (Hey la, hey la, Chennux is back)

    Hey, he knows that we’ve been lyin’
    And he says we’ll soon be fryin’

    He’s been gone to another planet
    (Hey la, hey la, Chennux is back)
    Now, he’s back, with his magmacannons
    (Hey la, hey la, Chennux is back)
    We’re gonna be sorry we were ever born
    (Hey la, hey la, Chennux is back)
    In any order, ’cause he’ll use his skrxcritort
    (Hey la, hey la, Chennux is back)

    Hey, he knows that we’ve been bleatin’
    Now, we’re gonna get a beatin’
    What made us think he’d forgive all our lies?
    We had some fun, now he’ll cut us down to size
    Wait and see!

    Chennux is back; he’s gonna save his reputation
    (Hey la, hey la, Chennux is back)
    We’re all gonna have to take a permanent vacation
    (Hey la, hey la, Chennux is back)

    Hey, I can see him comin’
    Now, we’d better start a-runnin’

    *instrumental*

    Wait and see!

  117. Harry Paratestes
    April 15th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    O’Fogeyett, I can just hear the sopranos from The Angels singing away on the “Chennux is back” groove

  118. Buck Ripsnort
    April 15th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    Great, even the Galactic Magmacannon gunners ignore me. I’m gonna throw myself into the hideous maws of Katy’s Ma.

  119. alamo
    April 15th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    i love hagar today. i can’t wait for the next rap on the door to reveal some english or french maiden and a string of little brats who come frolicking through the door. “it’s for you, hagar!”

  120. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    Slinky Song Parody by Red Greenback age 6:

    Who takes a mudge, reduces to fudge
    and fires a magmacannon round?
    The Emp, the Emp, the Marvelous Emp!
    Everyone knows it’s Chennux.
    It’s Chennux, it’s Chennux,
    it’s curtains for us if we cower.
    With Chennux, yeah, Chennux, we’re
    Grass and He’s a lawnmower.
    We’re grass and He’s a lawnmower

  121. Squid Countess
    April 15th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Are all of you on Eastern Time watching Nature right now? Squid, squid, squid!

  122. PeteMoss
    April 15th, 2007 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    121 Squid Countess

    See what I’m talking about? (#83) It’s Squid-fever everywhere you look. I’m on the West Coast but will look forward to more squid on Nature.

    Calamari! Yeehaw!

  123. Dean Booth
    April 15th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: I was struck by how stunning Mary’s outfit was today, and remembered I had seen it before!

  124. Charles
    April 15th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    I don’t get why the Queen of Diamonds always has a moustache. Unless #100 is correct…

  125. Uncle Lumpy
    April 15th, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    #121 Countess del calamaro -

    Here‘s a computer-security blog with a weekly Friday feature on squid (go figure).

    And here is this week’s installment — video of a squid giving birth.

  126. deeeeeeeeelightful
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    She’s a pretty smoking babe, she lets you have three ways with wayward teenage boys…..And she’s only asking one teeny, tiny question…….So Quit Looking Upset, DrMorgan!

  127. Bill_S
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    I like how Queenie is toying with Tracy, holding back her best stuff. She didn’t SQLUD!! him, or even SQLUD! him, just a plain-vanilla SQLUD. Enough to let him know that an atomic SQLUD!!! is waiting for him.

  128. Red Greenback
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    #9999-FizzyMonkeyMossFableTrotzDingoSquidO’fogeyMalleyMoonDelgadoApplePinkRipsnortParatestesTrueFablethompsonghLynngineeringpoteet…
    Well thank you very much and now I think it’s time for us
    All to go. so from all of us to all of you not forgetting
    The boys in the band and our producer, reg thorpe,
    We’d like to say “god bless”. so, if you’re out tonight,
    Don’t forget, if you’re on your bike, wear white….amen.

  129. andreavis
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    HRM Chennux, thank you for sparing me from both your awesome song and your magmacannons. Though I was mentioned in the previous thread as passing on a rumor about you living in your mother’s basement, I would like to go on record that I, in fact, tried to contradict these rumors. It’s a garden level apartment, that is coincidentally at your mom’s house, and has its own outside entrance, thankyewverymuch! I heard she makes you pay rent, too, so what’s the problem? You’re welcome.

  130. Anonymous
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    Seems to me there have been a lot of cephalopod-related shows on lately. Not that I’m complaining. Just the other day I was watching a show about the flamboyant cuttlefish. It turns out it is extremely toxic–poisons previously unknown to science and all that. Plus mating techniques for small nerdy male cuttlefish–very useful tips for anyone capable of changing his skin color at will.

    Looking forward to Nature tonight…

  131. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth’s eye color in today’s strip chills me right to the bone. She is very clearly the oldest, nosiest, and most feeble member of the Children of the Corn.

    I’m really wondering if MW’s writers are trying to point out just what a horrid beyotch Mary is? Because with most strips, even with all the snarking done here, I can see where, if you were really simple, you might take the strip at face value. But doing so in Marty Worth still makes Mary come across as an inceribly irritating old hag, and Vera seems so reasonable in comparison that it’s a little painful to witness.

    On another note, today’s FOOB reminds me of the FOOB of old, and I can TOTALLY sympathize with Elly, for the first time in about… ever.

  132. My name is Sqlud
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Jesus. I OWN June’s sweater. I have never felt so creeped out in my life.

  133. april glaspie
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    greying temples and an avuncular manner

    You mean, Rex meets the once and future Napoleon Solo? Seriously, Dr. Morgan and Robert Vaughn might actually get Nancy Grace out of her depression. What? She’s not depressed? She’s not inconsolable in her recriminations about sperm allegations? But I’ll tell you what, I’m with Speaker Delay. If they get Imus, they gotta give us Rosie.

  134. willethompson
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Red G. ol’ buddy, g’night to you, as long as you promise we’ll see you in the morning. Promise? I’m serious here. There’s a coffee cup with your name on it.

    Well, technically, it has Margo!Boxcar!Saturn! on it, but you know what I mean.

  135. John C Fremont
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to Uncle Lumpy, I’ve been watching the miracle of a squid giving birth. Kinda puts that whole Magmacannon thing into perspective. Besides, I plan on spending tomorrow at Cheney’s undisclosed Strategic Air Command location in Omaha, so – oh, crap! I mean, the Strategic Air Command location in, uh, Santa Royale. In California. Yeah, not Omaha.

    (That oughta fool GEC, right? Right?!)

  136. andreavis
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    Saturday’s MT: I can see why Mark is confused by Dan’s cunning disguise– he himself has not changed his hairstyle in 45 years, so he’s easily bamboozled when Dan hits the Lady Clairol bottle. Hell, if Dan would’ve just moved his part, Mark’s head would explode.

  137. Squid Countess
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    #76 Red Greenback Oh, Red. That was just beeyootiful. ( For some reason I’m channeling Laverne from Laverne and Shirley. The first time she touched a mink coat she said, “Oh, Shirl. This is the second best thing I’ve ever felt.”)

  138. april glaspie
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    I wonder, did y‘all see this?

    Owning June’s sweater is one thing. Possessing June’s accoutrements is another. And shouldn’t that be crept out?

  139. Max
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    For anyone who missed it, here is today’s brilliant Liò strip.

    The Los Angeles Times ran it sideways, which in a perverse way made it even funnier.

  140. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    # 116 — BWAHAHAHA! Excellent, O’Fogeyette. I spit water all over my screen.

    I hope His Imperial Splendor will be flattered by these snarky parodies. I’m helping with a prescribed burn tomorrow, and I’m gonna be hot enough without getting magmafried.

  141. Moon Mullins
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    Smurglap et al Law Firm:

    Rite Aid called up my office claiming someone you know used a bogus Master of the Galaxy Master Card to pay for his Viagra prescription. I’d recommend you let you-know-who what is happening or he won’t be able to get any more you-know-what.

  142. Frank Parsnip
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    I sometimes wish that Tank McNamara and Gil Thorpe could get into a fight. Gil would be supported by his thousands of giant-forehead aliens, while Tank would only have NFL players.

  143. Poteet
    April 15th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    # 114 — Sir Fable, my True Knight, I am so sorry that our very enjoyable flirtation resulted in charcoal drawings on your wall. Geez, His Imperial Touchiness must be really cheesed off this time. I’m glad you survived to snark another day!

  144. Squid Countess
    April 15th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    #121 Myself – Just to clarify my earlier statement about squid, squid, squid on Nature; it’s really about a loggerhead turtle. But she meets some sperm whales who ignore her because they want to go eat some squid. The squid are a mile down, so they don’t get to take the patented Mark Trail jump as high as a seagull evasive manouver.
    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/mark.asp
    The Nature squid just look really, really mad, and then get eaten. It’s a fairly brief segment, but dramatic.

    Is there anyone else out there like me who believed into their adult years that turtles could leave their shells, largely due to Saturday morning cartoons? No? Not anyone?

  145. Harry Paratestes
    April 15th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    Squid Countess
    I may not believe that turtles can leave their shells, but I still believe that a combination of idiots, anvils and high explosives (see Loony Toons et al) makes for great humor.

  146. MonkeyHawk
    April 15th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    #105 —

    Thanks for the heads-up, Smurgy ol’ bud. But the His Snarliness may have bigger monks fish to fry.

    Somebody maxed out a Master of the Galaxy Master Card at Belles and Beaus bridal boutique (you know, the one next to Rite Aid) down at the Cedar Rapids mall today.

    I suspect identity theft.

  147. PeteMoss
    April 15th, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    #138 april glaspie

    I saw this in the Bee today, too. Shout-out to CC.

  148. Trotzenbonnie
    April 15th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    #144 – Contessa de Calamari
    Turtles can’t leave their shells!!!??? (Sniff)
    But…but…
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Cecil060.jpg

  149. Len
    April 15th, 2007 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    Jack Elrod! You’re reading us, aren’t you?

    Squid Countess, does this Sunday Nature Special count?

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070415&name=Mark_Trail

  150. Len
    April 15th, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    #90 — Wasn’t there a South Park episode where the kids found a family of literal “butt-heads”? And they established that Ben Affleck was related (due to his deeply cleft chin)?

    So this lady is Ben Affleck’s sister?

  151. alamo
    April 15th, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    lio just moved to the head of the class with sunday’s offering.

  152. Joe Bftsplk
    April 15th, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    All right, somebody has to give “Pluggers” a forceful bitch-slap for the 4-14 episode…

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/4/14&name=Pluggers

    What you mean to say there, Mr. Brookins and/or Mr. Hoover, is something like, “Pluggers’ pockets may not be deep, but they sure are high.” When you say, “Pluggers may not have deep pockets, but they sure are high,” you’re saying that this grotesque dog-man-thing – the subject of your sentence – doesn’t let his financial challenges keep him from toking up. No, that’s not some nit-picky grammar-nazi technicality; that’s what you’re saying. “Pluggers always know where to score the budget-priced ganja.” A caption made doubly inappropriate by its incongruity to the character depicted, who is obviously not high at all, and seems rather to be morosely pondering the latest bad news from his cardiologist.

  153. AppleGirl
    April 15th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    81 – Um, so I guess this means you’re mad at me, Chennux? Text me, Emperor!

  154. Ouish
    April 16th, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    The Queen of Diamonds looks like Dick Tracy with a flying spaghetti monster on his head.

  155. Trilobite
    April 16th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    69 – Harry Paratestes asks: Did you ever do some Photoshopping of the Watchman comics (link) over on something awful?

    Yes, that was me!

  156. skulking on the outskirts
    April 16th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    Emperor Chennux, sir, you shall try my loyalty too far! Here I go and make a sincere attempt to tell you how we, your humble Earther subjects, hold you in such esteem that your brief absence causes us concern and melancholy, and what do you do?? Threats of magmacannoning! Insults! And, well, also a really good parody, but did you have to explicitly name me as one of your targets?! Exactly what have I done to deserve THAT, I’d like to know! Although….ok, I admit I was flattered to be noticed….(sigh)..right, well, I’ve got my six-inch thick layer of magmablock on, I’ve lined up a spot in an old air-raid shelter, so if worse comes to worst, I guess I’m ready.

    Btw, Emperor, I think you would make a stunning-to say the least-Pork Queen, if that’s what you want. Hey, whatever makes you happy, makes us happy. Really. And the best part is, you could just declare yourself Pork Queen, without having to go through all that tiresome auditioning and competing and stuff. Add it to your lengthy list of titles, and invoke it whenever you’re in the mood for a floor length ball gown with a sparkly tiara. Why be embarassed? You’re a fourteen foot tall pseudo-reptilian who’s Emperor of the Freaking Galaxy, with magmacannons, yet. Who’s gonna say anything?
    (Poteet! MonkeyHawk! Pipe down, dammit, I’m trying to make nice here with the big guy, don’t margo it up on me! Or do you actually *want* him setting off the magmafireworks??)
    Er, yes, anyway, Dread Overlord, as I was saying, we all just wanted to hear from you, and if some of us were a little, um, cheeky about it, well, we beg, plead, and grovel for forgiveness. And we would make so bold as to remind you, sir, that we are an excellent source of potatos and snark. If for no other reason, Lord High Everything, please consider us as valuable resources not to be casually wasted for an evening’s incendiary entertainment.
    (Bows head to knees and shuffles backwards from throne room)

  157. skulking on the outskirts
    April 16th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    And in other news, (though I’m pretty sure I’ve been scooped a few times already now) Lio is invincible, Lio is The Man, Lio kicks all the lame strips’ lazy, annoying, insufferable collective BUTT. Yay, Lio, yay Lio, yay Lio! Lio forever! Lio rocks! Lio rules! And btw, I really love Lio. Mark Tatulli (sp?) you are God, sir.

  158. CrabbyGenes
    April 16th, 2007 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    I’m still obsessed with April’s horrible new looks. Interestingly (and if I knew how to link to to these examples, I would), she looks different in horrible ways depending on whether the strip is colored or not. Yahoo colors the daily strips, and the Foob Official site does not (if you can stand to check it). Anyway, if you feel like comparing, look at any recent daily strip concerning April (I recommend the April 13th one). When April’s horrible hair is NOT colored in, she looks like a slut, or a punk rocker. When April’s horrible hair IS colored in she looks like a Patterson Frumpy housewife.

    Isn’t that interesting?! Okay, now I really must quit the computer and do some other things.

  159. Frank Parsnip
    April 16th, 2007 at 5:47 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail can’t figure out what Sally might be doing with a “bearded man”, and I can’t figure out why Mark is doing all this exposition out loud.

  160. Buzz Carter
    April 16th, 2007 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    What the hell kind of martial art involves spontaneously growing a new fist out of your elbow? I want to learn that. On the other hand, perhaps “SQLUD” is the sound of such a new appendage erupting from quasi-human flesh. How would anyone not trained in the Art of Shapeshifting know otherwise?

  161. Gap Toothed \\”Hoo\\” Guy
    April 16th, 2007 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    Well, when i worked in a home for mentally handicapped people one of ‘em kicked me in the nuts and I think it went “SQLUD”. (trust me, it hurt so bad i think the incredible pain travelled backwards in time so that my great great grandfather grabbed his happysacks and said “GOOD GOD!” unexpectedly)

    Of course i passed out so it could have been my imagination.

  162. Hogen Mogen
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Queenie just qicked the qrap out of Diq Tracy!

  163. Foobar
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Dean Booth, congrats on a couple of funny posts in this thread. I noticed, I did.

    As far as Moon Mullins goes, the name always makes me think of Earth Angel, which makes me think of Teen Angel, and then we’re back to “I remember awful songs” again.

  164. the genghis
    April 18th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Of course Margo wants to punch sister-del-eric in the throat; she’s wearing damn near the same outfit!

    Meanwhile, June Morgan has a great rack as usual…

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