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Lu Ann Powers: THIS … IS … YOUR … BORING … LIFE!

Apartment 3-G, 5/5/07

Oh, poor Lu Ann. We all knew you were boring, but did they really have to rub your face in it with this pathetic display as your boring, boring life flashed before your eyes? For the record, here are the last faces Lu Ann will see before she casts off this mortal coil and is swept up into Albert Pinkham Ryder’s celestial art sweatshop:

Margo, who has repeatedly failed to check up on Lu Ann when prompted due to laziness and/or self-absorption.
Tommie, who has repeatedly failed to check up on Lu Ann when prompted due to crippling self-loathing-induced agoraphobia and/or bad cell phone reception.
Professor Papagoras, who has repeatedly failed to check up on Lu Ann when prompted due to the fact all his time is now taken up screwing a 22-year-old.
Lu Ann’s cousin Blaze, who hasn’t been sidetracked from checking up on Lu Ann because it never occurred to him to do so in the first place, and who also wears a stupid cowboy hat at all times.
Lu Ann’s ex-boyfriend Alan, who had a cruel, immature freakout when he learned that Lu Ann had been engaged before he had met her, and who then gave her the keys to the evil haunted studio, and who has repeatedly failed to check up on Lu Ann when prompted due to peripatetic self-hatred. Lu Ann will miss him most of all, echoing Dorothy’s parting words to the brainless Scarecrow.

Figures not pictured in Lu Ann’s death fugue include:

Her parents.
Any other family members, including supposedly beloved cousin or niece or whatever Mim.
Her beloved now deceased husband, Mr. Powers, a fighter pilot shot down over Vietnam years ago.
Her former fiancé, what’s-his-name the billionaire janitor who went on to marry Margo’s rich client.
FBI Pete, the boyfriend she stole from Margo, the one with the dyslexic daughter she loved so much.

In fact, Lu Ann’s dying moments have proven a remarkable ability to elide out her former relationships. I guess it will make things simpler when they all aren’t waiting for her in Dumb Girl Heaven.

Momma, 5/5/07

Good lord, but the youth of today irritate me with their twee, retro sensibilities. As if obsessing over vinyl records weren’t bad enough, now they’re all going in for antique cell phones from the mid-1980s, each one the size of a brick and sporting an eight-inch antenna. Damn kids!

Also, note to everybody: STOP THRUSTING YOUR PELVIS AT MARK TRAIL. HE DOES NOT ENJOY SEXUAL RELATIONS. HE WILL NOT RESPOND TO YOUR ADVANCES.

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 6, 2007 at 12:13 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Mark Trail, Momma.

106 responses to “Lu Ann Powers: THIS … IS … YOUR … BORING … LIFE!”

Tweeks_Coffee
May 6th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

Mark’s had the same expression for several days straight. The monotony isn’t even broken with one of his trademark drunken/stoned smiles.
Jim Anderson
May 6th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

“In the Restaurant of the Young”–isn’t that a Raymond Carver short story? That would explain the waiter’s naked contempt, the blank walls, and the fact that the girl is a double amputee.
John C Fremont
May 6th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

At first, I thought The Professor in her hallucination was actually the ghost of Albert Pinkham Ryder, which confused me. It’d of been much cooler, though, if it had been The Professor from Felix the Cat… but that would have just been just plain weird.
Kurdt
May 6th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

But they look so happy and they’re obviously paying through the nose using them like that during daytime hours so I think we should lay off these rich hipsters with their trendy 80’s phones. Damn retro-haters. It’s hip I tell you hip!
Trotzenbonnie
May 6th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

Maybe if Lu Ann’s face didn’t appear so many times in her own damned fade to white-confetti-laden black flashback there would be more room for actual loved ones.
Power of 1000 Lemons
May 6th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe they’re actually doing a carbon monoxide plot in A3G. I wonder if any of the little old ladies who read this strip unironically are actually fooled into thinking one of the main characters is about to be killed off. I didn’t know that comics had May sweeps too!
Trilobite
May 6th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

I don’t think people use the word “peripatetic” nearly enough, so this may be the very first time I have ever been pleased by anything I’ve read about Alan.
Debt On
May 6th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

2: Not a double amputee so much as deformed to have an arm protruding from her stomach.
Trilobite
May 6th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

Two things that bother me more and more about the art in Saturday’s A3G:

1. In LuAnn’s memories, apparently Tommie is drawn by the same machine responsible for Archie.

2. Likewise, judging from the art Alan seems to be closely related (in a banjo-picking hillbilly sense) to Ted Forth.
PapaFrita
May 6th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

I actually own one of those cell phones, and it’s just old enough to become cool again. It can even send text messages.
Blade Runner
May 6th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

# 6 – Lemons: If it were a carbon monixide plot, I think that the building would have to be more air -tight to allow the CO to build up. Lu Anns’ art studio is really old and drafty, right? It sounds more like the old ghost is farting her to death. Either that or it’s the paint fumes.
Jym
May 6th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

=v= More information about pelvic thrusting can be found on the Internet.
Uncle Lumpy
May 6th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#7 Trilobite -

Trilobite’s “peripatetic” –
And though Alan’s most often emetic
If the fella induces
Greater everyday usage,
Arthropoda say that’s copasetic.
Non-Shannon
May 6th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

Oh, so that’s the joke in Momma. Otherwise I would’ve thought it was some misguided, lame dig at the fact that them young’uns are forever talking on the damn cellular phones, even while (wait for it…) SERVING CUSTOMERS IN AN EATERY! GUFFAW!!!!!1!11LOLLERSKATES!1
Phoebe
May 6th, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

Someone’s shoved some sort of hallucinogenic drug in Luann’s apartment’s venthilation system. I wouldn’t be surprised, anyway – wasn’t it supposed to be some super-shady dump?
Maughta
May 6th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

I feel like a cheerleader every time I read A3G. I’m bouncing around, shaking my pom-poms (’ello, ‘ello), shouting, “Die, Die, D I E spells Die! Yay, LuAnn!!”

Just as long as they never kill Margo off. I can’t live without her head-bobblin’ and finger-quotin’.
John C Fremont
May 6th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

# 12 – And remember, Jym, that it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-a-a-a-a-ane!
Jym
May 6th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

=1063.363= and =.376= Foob: El Goog likes to make “helpful” suggestions based on its notion of popularity. I think there’s more starriness than stariness in Foobonia, not to mention more boxcarness and saturnness.

I am impressed that one of the two “gap toothed starey hoo guy” links is the FBoFW strip itself. This made me wonder whether that was the character’s official name now, put into the site’s search keywords along with “David”, “We’re”, “Pregnant”, “Order of Canada”, but alas, that isn’t the case.
reader-who-posts
May 6th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

Glad to see Josh was late with Saturday comments, because I just read them this morning myself!

A3G: If the ghost doesn’t kill Lu Ann, the crushing boredom of having her life flash before her eyes will finish the job.

Crankshaft: Crankshaft provides a great life lesson…if you want to impress an old woman, be sure to wear a blazer over your batman t-shirt.

JP: Neddy is truly talking out of her ass.

Luann: Wait, is Brad talking about Toni Daytona when he mentions his ‘former girlfriend’? How does stringing him along while continuing to see her abusing steroid-popping boyfriend qualify as being his girlfriend at any time? Using the wallet picture model as his ‘girlfriend’ would be more believable.
Tom T.
May 6th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

How long as Mark Trail been just “Jack Elrod” and not “Dodd & Elrod”? It looks to me like the artwork has changed in the last couple of days.
Ethel-to-Tilly
May 6th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

If it was really a restaurant of the young he’d be texting them the menu changes
OverCat
May 6th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Yeah, how did that happen, anyway? A link to the FBOFW site for GTSHG? I am not a computer whiz, but I have to wonder if one of the brilliant CCs here managed to create that.

And while Google asks if we meant “starry” instead of “starey”, you get more results for “starey” than “starry.” Wha-a-a????

Hey, I think I need to write to Scaduto. Oh-h-h YEA-A-HHH-H!
fizzy logic
May 6th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail’s body language is a good indicator of his interest – first panel, not so much. Second panel, at least he’s leaning forward and looking at Cherry. Third panel, I think he’s asleep. No chance, baldy!

He’s probably dreaming about cougars for his Sunday strip. There is the occasional cougar alert near our unabomber cabin and I think about it when I’m out walking the dog. I think those cougars can do the calculations in their minds for the weight:wuss ratio and figure out which one would be better to attack – me or the dog. No contest – it’s coming after me. My only hope is that a bunch of bunnies hop by at just that moment, because even the deer are better able to defend themselves than I.
Phil
May 6th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

And so, as the Lu-Ann-that-was submits to the awesome celestial power of the Kirby dots, she is reborn as: THE SILVER SURFER!
SecretMargo
May 6th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

Wouldn’t it be funnier (and more reminiscent of actual “young” behaviour) if they were text-messaging, not talking, on their cell phones? It would be like they were communicating telepathically! And if they had matching blond pageboy haircuts and glowing eyes, the caption could read In The Restaurant of the Damned (or, just to be absurdly esoteric Ã la Get Fuzzy, Lunch with the Sandwich Cuckoos)? You’re 3/4 of the way there, Lazurus! Go for the gusto!
reader-who-posts
May 6th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

oops, meant to say ‘abusive’ not abusing.
SecretMargo
May 6th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

21: Augh! Beaten to the punch again! I guess it goes to show just how glaring the miscue is, though. After all, when FBoFW beats you to a “timely” punchline, that’s kind of the end of the road, eh?
MossMoses
May 6th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

Josh, there you go again dissing Mark Trail’s sexuality. Based on the last episode, he tracks people down who disrespect him and punches them in the face. When his fistbone connects with your jawbone, your goatee and ethnic top will go flying, just like Diver Dan’s fake beard.

Vera’s mother died giving birth to her? I’m guessing the ponytail got stuck on the way out, causing complications that proved fatal. She and Von certainly were freaks as children and they haven’t changed a bit since then.
Harold
May 6th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

I actually think the dialogur is the joke in this Momma strip. “Please lesten carefully, as our menu has changed” is familiar enough to anyone who gets trapped in an automated telephone system while trying to, say, contact someone at a company, find out when a movie is playing, or report that their house is on fire. The juxtaposition of this “menu” language with the restaurant which has also changed its menu is the source of the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Does anyone else remember the episode of Duckman (Jason Alexander’s finest work, outside of his brief marriage to Britney Spears) where Duckman demonstrated a dance he did (I think) at his own wedding, where he would shout “You thrust your pelvis, UHH, you thrust your pelvis, UHH…” while doing just that? Brilliant stuff…
SecretMargo
May 6th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

23: fizzy logic — I really like the formulation “weight:wuss ratio.” As is becoming increasingly common, my mind immediately conjured a T-shirt based on Mark Trail’s demented nature documentary voice-over: “Don’t hike alone, make a lot of noise, and don’t run” emblazoned above a picture of a cougar’s face, and below: “What’s your weight:wuss ratio?” Maybe with a picture of a guy with a little kid hoisted onto his shoulders being jumped on by a cougar on the back?
Lynngineering
May 6th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

MT: Josh I like your new Mark Trail compositions, with the idea of sometimes having only half a word baloon and an at-all-times-stoned Mark Trail. Makes you have to guess and fill in the blanks on everything including sexuality. Maybe they could connect this style with Sly Fox.
Harold
May 6th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

#22 OverCat, it’s possible that we accidentally Google-bombed the official FBOFW site back on April 4. Did anyone include a link back to there using the words “gap toothed starey hoo guy”? Never underestimate the awesome power of Curmudgeon Clickthroughs!
moose
May 6th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

Lu Ann was married to someone shot down over Vietnam? If this puts her in her 60’s then whatever treatment for the ravages of age the people in 3-G world use is to Botox what roast duck and mango salsa is to fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
april glaspie
May 6th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

I think somebody’s stretching the fictional truth with that Vietnam pilot business. He actually came back to run for president against a Temple U-trou -Wearing Son of Brainwash, three evolution deniers (makes about as much sense as Ahmadinejad), a guy that wants to clear the earth of every species but humans, and some other guys that almost defy description but actually just nullify it.

But really, what if Luann actually dies? Will Funky Winkerbean say “Oh hell, I give up”? Is Old Man Mozz involved? Will anybody but readers know? I mean, everything else in the strip could go on as if she never existed.

Maybe it was the mint juleps, but can anybody explicate this?

And I donâ€˜t know exactly how this works, but I think some of you might think of an entertaining caption.
SecretMargo
May 6th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

34: I can’t think of a caption, but I like the way that Gonzales is transformed into Doc Ock, Rove is transformed into some sort of misshapen Alien beastie, and Cheney is….slightly larger, yet is still the scariest of the three by far.
MrP
May 6th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

So in the restaurant of the young, the waiters stand six feet away from you and read up the menu through walkie-talkies?

What an utterly jawesome restaurant concept! How come no one’s done this in real life yet?
AppleGirl
May 6th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

FBOFW – Good one, April. Your room is definitely gonna be in the basement of the new house.

So when do we get to attend Shawna-Marie’s wedding?
Dean Booth
May 6th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

MT + A3G = The Death of a Trailsman (I would have done Liz, but all the pictures would have been of her.)
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 6th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

#38 Dean Booth: Thank you for yet another toothsome mashup! Delightful!
Trilobite
May 6th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

#13 — I’m starting to worry that this planet won’t be able to handle the sheer amount of ROCK you bring without undergoing gravitational collapse. You’re my favorite uncle!
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 6th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

MT + A3G = some pretty odd ass calculus… of the human psyche!
J.S.
May 6th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail’s sexuality (or lack thereof) be damned! Instead let’s share a moment of horror at today’s instructions on how to use your child as defense against a mountain lion attack! Next week: Puppies as tools to divert cobra strikes!
Porky
May 6th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

Family Circus?
“Little People, Big Daddy”?

Sunday’s family stroll through the woods reveals just what circus-like folks this family iconsists of! (Maybe they’re escaping from a nearby SideShow?)
Unless Paw Keane is eight or nine feet tall, then the adorable kidlets (all of whom barely reach the height of his kneecaps) look to be between 16 and 20 inches tall!
Trotzenbonnie
May 6th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

#34 – April
Behind every great man there is a woman stuck in the laundry room scrubbing the crap out of his lousy tighty whities and that’s why we still make only eighty four-cents to his dollar.
Whoops! That little dash of creme de cacao in my pink squirrel sent me scurrying off on a silly tangent.
Really, I think it’s supposed to mean the inspiration for Rodin’s “The Thinker” was derived from seeing a pile of dirty clothes his wife was about to launder.
I won’t even bother going into a rant about it. All I’m going to say is – ‘Mileva Maric’ and leave it at that.
mumbles
May 6th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Maybe the Gap-Tooth Starey “Hoooo!” Guy will get his own monthly letter some day on the Foob Site. It wouldn’t be too hard to write….”Hoooo! Hooo! Hooo! Hooo! “
Poteet
May 6th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

# 13 — Uncle Lumpy, wow. I bow in awe.

# 38 — BWAHAHA! Thanks, Dean. And alas, it doesn’t surprise me that the Trailsman won’t miss Molly, the Best Bear In The World, the way I do.
Buck Ripsnort
May 6th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

You know you’re a Plugger when– your life flashes before your eyes, and it doesn’t even hold your interest . . . or anyone else’s.

Although I was curious as to the identity of that foxy woman in the black turtleneck, only to face the final, crushing disappointment. DIE, LUANN!
Uncle Lumpy
May 6th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

#45 mumbles -

Gap-Tooth Starey â€œHoooo!â€ Guy could write a Sunday Mark Trail about owls!
Poteet
May 6th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

# 23 — Fizzy logic, if you want to see the lighter side of cougar alerts, come to Iowa. A few roaming male cougars have dared to enter the Land of Endless Corn, and a very few of them haven’t been shot or run over yet, and to judge from the reaction, you’d think Armageddon had arrived. There are constant rumors that our Department of Natural Resources has been secretly buying and dropping in cougars from black helicopters (like they could afford it on their budget), and there have been hilarious photos of supposed Iowa sightings of cougars on the Internet that include large housecats. There are probably fewer than a dozen cougars in the entire state, but you’d think that cougars were roaming every county in squadrons. It’s our version of the Red Scare from decades ago.
april glaspie
May 6th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

I imagine I might have missed this discussion, but how mind-numbing and skin-crawling was the (holy &*#@@) Dentist asking his younger daughter about his elder daughter’s PMS. Has he been a silent collateral victim of this curse for years? Does he assume it’s universal for women? What was this woman thinking all those years ago to make this guy a #@!&* dentist? What in the world goes on in Canutopia while we’re not watching? Boiled bunnies? Who really killed Farley?

Really, shouldn’t it be time for a grand finale by the river’s edge with guest appearances by Crispin Glover, Dennis Hopper and a blowup ‘escort’?

Regarding Josh’s recommendations for Liz’s date, I say Jon Arbuckle or GF’s Pinkie. Losers in Love.
Buck Ripsnort
May 6th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

And in Sunday’s Adventures in Bever Abuse section of Slylock Fox, Count Weirdly is not only beaming the Chess Network(!) directly into some poor beaver’s home, but he’s caught because he eats soup w/ a fork– wasn’t that the slogan for Campbell’s Chunky Soup? Forget the whodunnit and the howcatchem, my question is Good Gawd, WHY?
Strangerâ€¦
May 6th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

9CL – Do you think that kind of forgiveness will teach him a lesson? I think I’d be apologizing all the time!
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 6th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Sorry I’m late. We had out of town guests.

Re yesterthread ballot stuffing: Thanks, all! I appreciate it so much, and will be happy to do reciprocal stuffing for you in the future. Fizzy, I understand, and I hope your research leads you to vote for Caitlin. Trilobite: LOL. BTW, Caitlin is down to 8%, but she is so deserving I hope you’ll all consider voting again. The link is the top of the website at http://www.arizonaathletics.com/. That’s Caitlin Lowe for the Lowe award.

And by the way, it’s not just because Caitlin is cute, though she is. And no, I’m not related to her. I’ve just been a fan of UA softball for 15 years, and think our gals deserve recognition. Apart from winning the College World Series, that is, which they did last year and on six previous occasions. Some of Caitlin’s stats for this year: career hits .454; more than 150 career steals; this year third in NCAA history with 44 successful steals in a row (so far); 486 on-base percentage for the year, like that.

Red Greenback: you’re more than welcome. We missed you.
Mibbitmaker
May 6th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Okay, by the time I finally wrote this and was ready to post to comments, this new thread came up. Since I don’t want it to be unseen, I’ll post it here. And, yes, I’m sure the next post’ll come up as I type…

88 Lines About 44 Comics
(…characters, that is)

Margo was a selfish girl
she always gets just what she wants
LuAnn was a dopey type
she dies while a bad ghost haunts
Mary was a biddy
she’s just too nosey for her own good
Also was a dead guy
dying like a stalker would

Tommie was a blameless girl
bereft of personality
BC was a Jesus freak
He delt that kind of piety
Mallard had an awkward way
of making politics so wrong
Slylock Fox, who couldn’t wring
mysteries out very long

Lizard was a broody type
a drama queen, the queen of moan
Mooch thought that he was a Mutt
though he refused to chew a bone
Danae was a narcissist
her allegories forced and drab
Lucy’s point of view was this:
life is better if you crab

Cherry was another girl
who loved her Mark and all that crap
Garfield loves lasagna warm
he takes a fifty hour nap
Brynna had antenna hair
she lied there flat upon the page
Gabriella, who had Margo
She’s not seen much, she has it made

Olive Oyl, without tattoo
Bluto had won her in a fight
Popeye brought his tattoo back
hit Bluto back with all his might
Sally Forth could sport wry grins
her husband wasn’t satisfied
Ted Forth’s dignity won’t last
his manhood always went bye-bye

Chinbeard had a look of menace
cause he was so arrogant
Toeby’s love of him was useless
wonder where the passion went?
Dennis thought he was a menace
badass dude he’s not at all
Andy Capp was much too dizzy
he was too filled with alcohol

Funky used to think he’s happy
drama? HA! It is to scoff!
Lisa Moore was impregnated
later got a cancer plot
Spidey was a useless hero
always had his “sense” knocked out
April was a crap pop princess
turned 16 and her lips puffed stout

Gil Thorp was a high school coacher
drawn in wrong consistancy
Mark Trail punched with gallantry
in a crazy kind of drawing, see?
Beetle Bailey liked to sleep
while wearing worn-out army boots
Bucky’s strange contention
was for Rob and “that dumb dog galoot”

Blanthony had a porn star’s moustache
his dating Lizard all screwed up
Molly has no understanding
Frenched her owner in his truck
June Morgan had such great boobies
always got her garage cleaned
Snoopy, doggie, was a stand-out
posed as Joe Cool, made the scene
Charlie Brown’s a “Peanuts” kid
had a head all made of block
Jeffy Keane, who drew himself
tried to copy Dad, and flopped
Cathy wasn’t drawn worth shit
I doubt that she’d be missed
Calvin was drawn more with style
cause the artwork can’t be dissed
Hilary went out to play
smirking something like the Forth way
Morgan — Rex — played golf as gay
that’s what all the Curmudgeons say
Dagwood came from — I don’t know
he was — you all know the rest
Blondie Bumstead, here’s a guess
I chose you to end this mess

88 lines about 44 comics.
Dean Booth
May 6th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

#39 & #46. Thanks. Sorry, Poteet, there just wasn’t room for Molly. I thought perhaps her claw could be the cause of death, but decided Mark being crushed by one of those wild elephants was more appropriate.
Mibbitmaker
May 6th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

#54: Dammit! I can’t believe I typoed “Aldo” as “Also” in my above song parody! And I corrected a couple other typos as it is, too! When I post it in the forum, I’ll (be able to) correct it.
Johnny Q
May 6th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

A3G: “Albert Pynkham Ryder’s celestial art sweatshop”?

More paintings, mule!
DarkHorse02GT
May 6th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

Mark almost looks pleased in that final panel… maybe there’s a giant squirrel prostitute dancing for him just outside that window.
queek
May 6th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

49: Poteet, despite several decades of evidence, our state’s DNR steadfastly refuses to admit that cougers are in Michigan. http://www.easterncougarnet.org/michigan9-28-02.htm

You can tell when coyotes are in the neighborhood, when housecats start disappearing. You can tell when the cougars move in when the punting dogs start disappearing. Funny how that works, eh? :-)
katherine
May 6th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

Today’s Shoe contains a Johnny Cash shoutout!
A very, very grim Johnny Cash shoutout.

http://www.macnelly.com/
Uncle Lumpy
May 6th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

With apologies to George M. Cohan:

I’m a Gap-Toothed Starey “Hoooo!” Guy
Just an extra in the FOOB –
I watch Lynn’s comic from my front-row seat
And cheer as it swirls down the tube!

April, Gerald’s roadside sweetheart
Showed my buddy her tattoo.
It’s so keen that sweet sixteen
Would ride him like a pony –
Call out a gap-toothed starey “Hoooo!”
ltrftp(not so first time)
May 6th, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Oâ€™Fogeyette
Ballot stuffed, I mean cast, as requested.
Brendan
May 6th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

It would be anticlimactic at this point for Lu Ann to survive. She’ll die, her body will be discovered, and after the requisite twenty minutes of shocked mourning, Gina will be brought in to pay a third of the rent, where she and Tommie can make beautiful music together.
Motorposus
May 6th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

#20 Tom: I’ve been watching MT pretty carefully for the last year or so, and think that Elrod has a protÃ©gÃ© in the wings. The figures are sometimes blocky and flat, sometimes artfully contoured and shaded . On occasion, the flat and molded figures share the same strip.

Either Elrodâ€™s artistic inspiration goes up and down by the hour, or heâ€™s grooming someone to carry the strip to infinity and beyond. Iâ€™d be thrilled with either explanation!
SatanicMechanic
May 6th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

FW: Nothings funnier than humiliating those stupid public school children! They think Gelato is an artist, they don’t get doom and gloom metaphores about global warming (clearly they didn’t see the “Inconveniant Truth” which the ‘joke’ was stolen from) and they let their cell phones ring in class! Rubes! *snort*

(I imagine this is what the lunch room conversation is like at the school of goats, the name of which I can’t remember)
dale
May 6th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

SlyFox – It was broth not soup, so the fork doesn’t make sense unless he’s using it to strain out the dead bugs. On the other hand, if he is using a fork, that would explain why it’s taken 15 minutes to eat the thing.
Also, did those three fools just walk into the guy’s house/castle or is he eating in a restaurant?
IHeartBeavers
May 6th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

Slylock Fox:

At long last, the indignant outraged beaver who has lived through having his luggage stolen and Cassandra Cat (although who wouldn’t want to live through that) has been given a name: Brendan
Motorposus
May 6th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

#61: Brilliant! They can sing this on Canada Day!
Grace
May 6th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

In today’s Mary Worth, I love how startled Von looks as he views his dead father in the coffin. I guess no one told him the man had died. Surprise!
Harry Paratestes
May 6th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

You’re a Plugger when your life flashes before your eyes and it totally consists of grainy Lawrence Welk reruns.
Mad Dog Rackham
May 6th, 2007 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

JP: I’m glad that Abbey and Neddy are safe after their Big Adventure.

Now I think it’s time for Neddy to try on some more clothes.

Please? And let us watch?
Poteet
May 6th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

# 53 — O’F, I tried to vote again, but was informed I couldn’t because I voted before. I’m sure that more computer-savvy Curmudgeons can get around that little problem even though I can’t.

# 54 — Mibbitmaker, that’s quite a feat!

# 55 — Dean, I thought you were being entirely accurate. Mark was mighty careless about Molly even when she was a lead character, so I doubt if she’d occupy his mind as he headed for the great big lost forest in the sky.
Ulricii
May 6th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

Mr Pelvis Elvis has lost all his hair between the 1st and 3rd panels.

Mark Trail must really be hot!
Poteet
May 6th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

# 59 — Thanks for the interesting info, queek. As someone who spent a couple of decades in Michigan, I’m not surprised that cougars are living there again. Iowa has a lot less habitat, so the few cougars who try living here are much worse insurance risks.

# 61 — BWAHAHA! Excellent, Uncle Lumpy. And thanks so much for allowing me to see the Sunday DT. Yes, it’s dreadful, but I want to keep up with the dreadfulness. And that wonderful bit of wisdom, “All that glitters may not be what you think it is” — pure DT verbal magic.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
May 6th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

67. It should be Brendan O’Beaver if he’s going to keep on dressing like a leprechaun.
That's The Spirit
May 6th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

Mell Lazarus sure knows how to waste panel space.
Trotzenbonnie
May 6th, 2007 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

#54 – Mibbit
Can I dedicate your delightful ditty to all of the DC (as in Washington-not comics!) denizens who remember when WHFS was cool?

#61 – Unka Lumpy
Apologize to George M. Cohan? He needs to dig himself up and ask permission to tie your shoelaces!

Why oh why why why did I hear “Wrong! Do it Again! You can’t have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat!” when I read Wunky Finkerbean today.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 6th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

Thanks, Poteet, for trying, and to all others who have voted or re-voted. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only ballot-stuffer around, and suspect that things do not look good for Caitlin. I wish I’d known about this earlier. Oh, well.

I’m off for a nice relaxing evening with Mr. O’F in the jacuzzi now. Have a lovely snarky evening, and I’ll see you all in the morning. Congrats in advance to all those who will be riding on the float.
Hysterical Woman
May 6th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

23. Oh, don’t be so scared! Older women have a lot to offer.
True Fable
May 6th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

FBoFW A man is out playing with his dogs and they’re having a good time. So what does the snotty little Teeny bopper have to say about it? “Pets are a great thing for the elderly.”
Okay, usually I give April a little leeway since she’s being raised by peabrains. Sure, I get the whole “oh ha ha, she thinks her parents are elderly, what does she know, she’s just a teen.”

What I want to know is, why the hell isn’t HER blossoming lard butt out there getting exercise with HER pets, and help prevent HER ass grow to Elly proportions?

The real laugh-riot will begin when her parents really DO become elderly and she’s going to have to be the one who has to take care of them, since Michael will still be writing hack romantic drivel and can’t pay attention much less the bills, and Liz will be locked in Anptomaine’s basement. And, since she’s persisting in sporting those damn pre-Elly buns, April’s going to wish she’d taken her Patterson butt out there to play when she had the chance.
april glaspie
May 6th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

SataniMechanic: School of goats would have to be New Tammany College in the great John Barth novel Giles Goat-Boy. You’ve got the wherewithal to rise to Grand Tutor. Or maybe that’s not what you were talking about. Anyway, I think W was a cheerleader there before his brilliant military career. (Please pardon the Wikipedia reference. We cook bigtime on Sundays and we’re all tuckered out after doing the beans and rice.) And, seriously, anybody that spends time at this place would probably enjoy this book.
True Fable
May 6th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

#61 Uncle Lumpy, you are an inspiration for us all.

Next time the AMC channel plays “Yankee Doodle Dandy” and my inexplicably automatic urge to watch James Cagney sing and dance takes over, I’ll have ammunition to help break the spell. I’ll lead a normal life again! Thank you, Uncle Lumpy! In fact, my father thanks you, my mother thanks you, my sister thanks you and I thank you….

oh dammit. I’m going to Memorize “Gap Toothed Starey Hooo Boy” RIGHT NOW.
True Fable
May 6th, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

#81 april glaspie: The U.S. Naval Academy has a goat for a mascot, too.
King Folderol
May 6th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

Mark’s eyes tell me that he is QUITE interested in the pelvises being thrust his way.
april glaspie
May 6th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

Could somebody tell me for certain if that’s faux-novelist Michael Patterson or Casey Manque-Jones, DDS playing with the dogs. And wasn’t April the originator of all of this obscene Canadian pet-spending (it’s pitiful how they try to imitate Americans). Maybe she means euthanasia booths would mean more cash available for kibbles and bits. You put the ol’ folks on a leash and chop up some Mr. B with some melamine and pretty soon you’ll own two houses and be roadside with Gerald.
Wellsey
May 6th, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

So what’s the deal? Are A3G and Judge Parker in some sort of Foreign Language Club program? One uses infantile French the other Spanish! Yet, in both the foreign speaking people CAN use English just fine. So what’s the point?

I especially like the spoken “Groan” in A3G, today.
Squid Countess
May 6th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

I know the Sunday TDIET is really hard to read online, but you should give it a try today – it’s freaky. There’s one “Howcum?” and the entire rest of the strip is in plain english. Five panels and no Scaduto speak. I’m so frightened. What does this mean? Anyone? Anyone?
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/tdiet.asp
Uncle Lumpy
May 6th, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

#87 SC -

And what are these “TV Soaps” of which he speaks? Surely he must mean “her stories.”

Dark forces at work, I fear.
Mooncattie
May 6th, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

MW – Perhaps the saddest part of Vera Shields’ backstory is that she didn’t break down and tell it at the Charterstone Pool Party when she had everyone’s attention. “Years later, the situation changed when my father’s death occurred.” That kind of English-mangling would put Professor Chinbeard into pompous overdrive. As it is, we’re left with Mary looking for an escape route to occur.
Sheilagh
May 6th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

You know, the current writer has NO clue what previous writers have done with Luann. She used to have that ethereal relationship with that guy who, what, wrote books about stuffed toys? It went on for YEARS, though not, I admit, recently. And she can’t spare him a thought while wafting through the veil? I’m sorry, that’s just ungrateful and wrong.
Trotzenbonnie
May 6th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

#87 – Squid Countess
Lula Patoot IS starring in “Purple Love”. It’s like a TDIET Twilight Zone with Scaduto trapped in another dimension and sending a cryptic message from beyond the theatre marquee.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
May 6th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

#87 Squid Countess — If I remember correctly, Pat Violette in Milford, CT, is Al Scaduto’s daughter (or another close relative).
Uncle Lumpy
May 6th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

#91 Trotz -

If Al is breaking the fourth wall inside his own comic, then which wall is it? Ow, ow, ow!

The man is toying with us! Curses upon you, perfidious Scaduto!
Trotzenbonnie
May 6th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

Is it just me or is anyone else imagining Josh trying to accomplish the next to impossible task of choosing this weeks most memorable comments from a field of splendiferous contestants and, finding the mission too daunting, is sitting at his monitor, index finger twiddling his lower lip in a never ending chant of “bweedledeep bweedledeep bweedledeep….”
John C Fremont
May 6th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

# 71 – I think you speak for all of us, Mad Dog. Well, most of us, anyway. Or at least some of us, by which I mean, well, guys like me.

# 87 – Well, it’s not the opening of the Seventh Seal bad, but it’s bad. Real bad. What’s the opposite of Scadutoriffic?
Uncle Lumpy
May 6th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

#94 Trotz -

I think he’s got the curmudgeon version of “the yips” — “At last, that’s a wrap. No, wait! Here’s a True Fable rant — a Mibbitmaker parody — a Harry Paratestes snark! Auggh! Curses upon you, prolific commentors!“
Blade Runner
May 6th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

#54 â€“ Mibbet Maker: Wow. My hat is off to you. I remember that song from was back on college radio. Thanks
stinky pete
May 6th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

95 JCF, Scadutrocious?
Trotzenbonnie
May 6th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

Unka Lumpy –
Can the flatlands of Comicworld have four walls? Maybe back in the day when Daffy Duck tried to erase himself….

I swear J. Caggiano from Central Islip (and I swear Islip just ain’t that big to make such a distinction… but anyway) is responsible. I know I’ve seen his name before as a TDIET contributor. He’s bucking to be the New Scaduto.

All I know is, I’m counting down the days til my own TDIET jubilee……MAY 28, babeeee!
under_score
May 6th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

#87 and etc. etc. There’s even an “oh yeah”, without a single extra letter, and it is at the start of a sentence. Something isn’t right is Scadutoville.
april glaspie
May 6th, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

#83 True Fable: I guess I was only thinking of schools that play real football. Well, Fordham’s got the Rams, but those glory days are as old as Vince Lombardi.

Anyway, I think that years ago John Barth created a great comic strip as novel or vice versa. Actually, the greatest comic strip never drawn was certainly The World According to Bensenhaver, the omission of which is the only thing that keeps Garp from being one of the greatest movies ever made.

As far as comics from a third person view, The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay is the ticket, this weblog notwithstanding. And Fortress of Solitude is pretty amazing too.

And how is it that none of you people keep up with events in Ratznestistan and the adventures of Oliver Warbucks? The world burns while Yenta Worth is dithering about her next victim.
Uncle Lumpy
May 6th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

I hope Al’s OK — his work is really original, and he seems like a genuine mensch, with a nice face.
Brendan
May 6th, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

#67. Oh…crap.

#75. Just remember, it’s “Bay-ver.”
Ribinin
May 6th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

I Googled Lizzard Breath. None of the references went to the FOOB site. Since we refer to Lizzard Breath all the time, I found that strange. We must not be including a link to her character page when we mention Lizzard Breath.
Poteet
May 6th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

# 104 — Ribinin, I’ve usually seen it spelled “Lizard Breath.” I Googled that, and got about 900 hits, many of them odd-looking.
Jym
May 6th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

=101= Are you mixing your Barths and Irvings? At any rate, the last two books you recommend are most excellent. I was living two blocks over from the Fortress of Solitude street when I read that book.

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Lu Ann Powers: THIS … IS … YOUR … BORING … LIFE!

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