The Comics CurmudgeonRevealed: Ziggy's fate

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Revealed: Ziggy’s fate

Heart of the City, 5/14/07

Heart’s worries are all too well-founded. When I was in sixth grade, I spilled a pot of boiling chicken soup on my foot while I was stirring it and had to go to the emergency room; I ended up with bandages around my foot for some weeks. My plan was to refer to the cause of my injury as “boiling water,” but I made the mistake of telling someone the real deal and was “noodle foot” for the remainder of the school year. What I’m trying to say, Heart, is that I only wish I had hurt myself doing something cool, like cheerleading practice.

Wait, I think that might have come out wrong.

Slylock Fox, 5/14/07

Ever felonious? Try ever sextaculous! Seriously, if Slylock Fox is part of some secret long-term plan to make kids more open and accepting of the lifestyle of furry fetishists, I’d say it’s scoring another point every time Cassandra Cat appears, especially if she keeps showing up in paradoxically prim-yet-sexy outfits like the turtleneck sweater/tartan combo she’s got on here.

The amount of time our fox/mouse detective duo spend tailing (ha ha, see what I did there?) Miss Cat probably indicates their forbidden lust for her more than their desire for justice. Max Mouse’s infatuation with the sinister feline is well known, so it should come as no surprise that he’s checking out a Krazy Kat collection, since that feature revolved around a cat in love with a cruel mouse tormentor — no doubt the reversal of the real-life situation soothes his tiny besotted bowler-covered brain. Slylock’s appearance here reminds me of another episode from my misspent youth: when I was in high school, I worked in the local branch of the public library, and one day a patron appeared who was apparently notorious for exposing himself in the reading room, and I was assigned to keep an eye on him and kick him out if he did anything funny. He mostly just sat there with the newspaper in his lap, though not with the disturbing look of preternatural alertness that Slylock is sporting here.

Mary Worth, 5/14/07

I can’t even begin to explain to you what the hell is going in the second panel. Is Mary about to demand a horsey ride from Vera? A horsey ride of meddling? In panel one, Vera is following the lesson she learned from hard experience — “be ever vigilant in guarding your crotch” — so Mary may have had no choice in going for the backside attack. But since Vera appears to still be sitting on the bench, what in God’s name has Mary done with her legs?

Gil Thorp, 5/14/07

If Clambake isn’t giving down-home, country-style prostate exams by the end of the week, I for one will be very disappointed.

Ziggy, 5/14/07

Ziggy is going to die from some kind of venereal disease.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 14, 2007 at 08:48 pm and is filed under Gil Thorp, Heart of the City, Mary Worth, Slylock Fox, Ziggy. |

359 responses to “Revealed: Ziggy’s fate”

alamo
May 14th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

brain needs some clambake coachin!
Rusty
May 14th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

The heads in GT today appear to have spent some time on Easter Island.

There is a feature in the Hartford Courant today on FW and the admission that Lisa is definitely not going to continue smirking forever. I’ll link it in another post for anyone interested.
SatanicMechanic
May 14th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

Save a horse ride a rich WASP recently demoted to a middle class WASP.

Hmmm. Doesn’t have quite the same ring.
Rusty
May 14th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

Here is the link for the FW feature. I hate to be cynical (who am I kidding?) but I bet Batiuk knows he can only get this amount of press by running his characters through the cancer mill. Will this lead to a game of one-upmanship with Lynne Johnston over who can kill more characters in real time? I’d pay to see that.

http://www.courant.com/features/lifestyle/hc-comiccomic0514.artmay14,0,2665422.story?coll=hc-headlines-life
apostate
May 14th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

Slylock’s gone all schoolgirl furry fetish. Throw in a squid with a penchant for sexual assault, and they’ll have the makings of one fine manga.
Brendan
May 14th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

Making love with his ego, Ziggy sucked us into his mind like a leper messiah…and when the kids had killed the man, we had to break up the band!

(That’s it. I’m hiding my own collection.)
Tom T.
May 14th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

Cassandra Cat goes to Catholic school!
Laura
May 14th, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

All this talk about Slylock Fox reminds me of a SFx flash film my brother made in 2002. At the time, nobody really understood what it was about, but I think it’s finally found its audience.

http://www.lanceandeskimo.com/flash/shootout.shtml
Lurker
May 14th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

Most kids probably don’t know there are rare books in the library worth a lot of money– thanks, Slylock.
Eleven
May 14th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

Coming to this very theater, from producer Samuel L. Bronkowitz, it’s…

CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL CATS IN TROUBLE!
Red Greenback
May 14th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

Whoo my stars! I am so flabbergasted by Al getting back to me on this wacky TDIET idea that I am going to keep as a personal credo: â€œWhat Would Scaduto Do?â€

Al Scaduto is my hero!!! check it out:

Hi Red:

Thanx for your Kamikaze Class idea. Iâ€™ll let you know if I can use it.
In
the meantime, if you have any other ideas, just shoot â€˜em along to me.

Best ever,
Al Scaduto

>I teach a kamikaze class, and howzat??? most of my
> students return for a refresher course.
Lurker
May 14th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

#4, Rusty- Whoa, that Batiuk is one freaky-lookin’ dude. Eyes of a killer. I guess we should all just be grateful he’s got a comic strip to take it out on.
BTS
May 14th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

No, no, Clambake won’t be giving prostate exams. Don’t you see where this is going? Clearly there is a scandal involving Clambake, charges of impersonating a doctor, and sexual assault brewing here.
Dean Booth
May 14th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

Marmaduke also visited a fortune teller today, and I just noticed that the tablecloths are almost identical. Is there a universally mandated design for comic strip fortune-teller tablecloths?

Here’s my Ziggy-Marmaduke mashup from yesterthread.
Trotzenbonnie
May 14th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

A mammarygram is preventive maintenance? How? Isn’t that like saying dental x-rays prevent tooth decay?
Another impending breast cancer angle serves to titivate an otherwise lifeless comic strip. Hooray. Because it reminds me of a sign I saw in the window of a florist shop in Beaumont Texas during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Festively decorated with the ubiquitary pink ribbons, it read “SAVE THE TA-TAS!”

I’m not kidding.
http://www.savethetatas.com/
Poteet
May 14th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

Dear God, it looks like Mary is about to cop a feel. I was so much happier before I noticed that.
Poteet
May 14th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

# 15 — Trotzenbonnie, thank you for a truly excellent link. I guess the guy on the right is a living bra.
Trotzenbonnie
May 14th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

Red!
Congratz! An e-missive from Al! Aren’t you feeling special?
I wonder what he’ll name the returning kamikaze students?
Ned Ryerson
May 14th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

You know how libraries like to display rare books these days? No, not by putting them only shelving behind locking glass doors, silly. They get one of those cheesy plastic domes they use to cover up trays of doughnuts in some crappy diner and they stick one book under it on the circulation desk. At least Slylock Fox got the librarian right:bespectacled, asexual, pencil sticking out of hair.
Yitzchok
May 14th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

You won’t stand up straight for a week after one of Clambake’s Sinking Forkballs.
Baldo Foob
May 14th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

Forkballs? What the hell is a forkball, anyway? Just before the ball crosses the plate, the cover seperates from the rest of the ball and the batter can only swing a a ball of yarn.

I can’t wait for next week:
“Be sure to sleep in a saltwater bath tonight, Mark. You’ve got to be nice and briney for the Shrimpball Special.”

“Lemme show you the Acidball. Here, eat this.”

Not to mention the line of dialogue that Clambake should have said:
“Seriously, me finger smells great. No, really, smell it.”
Ned Ryerson
May 14th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

only=on
The Avocado Avenger
May 14th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

So the girls talk about boobs, and the boys talk about forkballs. Yeah, that’s high school all right.
SecretMargo
May 14th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

4: Why did I follow that link and read that? The other article at least shielded us from the supercilious edges of the man through the comforting screen of paraphrasing. Now we’re faced full-frontal with:

I’ve gotten a huge amount of e-mail. It’s really mixed. There’s a lot of people saying, “Please, don’t do this to Lisa.” Or, “You shouldn’t be doing this on the comics page.” But then there are people who are going through something like this, and they appreciate the story line.

See, it’s this [boxcar] that fuels my anger, the sanctimonious posturing that a) his experience is universal, and universalizable, b) that referring to this experience both qualifies his comic as “art” and somehow also exempts it from the usual criticisms directed at art, from viewpoints like narrative structure, taste, etc., and that c) all those who share his experience will understand and rejoice in his depictions of manipulated misery, and the rest of us should shut up and learn a thing or too about life, art, and cancer by going for good , long soak in Batiuk Bathos. And it’ll be okay, since there’s gonna be a fun run at the end! Hurry up and drop already, “other shoe”!

A quick perusal over the outpouring of outrage in the comments here has shown that many of those most enraged by this development are the very people closest to either being or knowing the individuals he so pompously claims to speak for here. Man, the unction on his little face … it makes my skin crawl. But how can I expect critical self-reflection from a man who writes FW and can somehow say with a straight face:

I don’t want to get up and write the same thing over and over again, [and] I don’t think readers want to see the same thing endlessly. I think they want something unique, something they haven’t seen before.
Mooncattie
May 14th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

SF – “And while the Dynamic Dum-Dums are looking the other way, I shall purrrrr-loin the purrrrecious Purrrrr-iodical!”
Yes, Cassandra Cat + Eartha Kitt’s voice = …well, equals something.
Mik Holmes
May 14th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

Clambake has one hand up and one to his side. Mark has two hands at his sides… Who is holding the glove?

Also, in response to Heart, I really enjoy the use of “Guh!” as an exclamation.
Wellsey
May 14th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

At least the bad guys in Mark Trail are jovial about the death and destruction they leave in their wake.

And Rex Morgan has secretly replaced himself with Wil Wheaton today. Let’s see if young Avery can tell the difference!
flotsam
May 14th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

Preventive Maintenance? Years of brainwashing by the athletic department has turned these students into souless machines who seek only to win glory for their greedy trophy-grubbing overlords.
Red Greenback
May 14th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

18-Trotzenbonnie- Is that a stone groove or what? I am still gobsmacked that Mr. Scaduto Hisself got back to li’l ol’ me on a really strange concept! As far as the names I’d like to see: Devinie Windbutt, Loopie Wrongway and Proppie Killswitch
Johnny Q
May 14th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

SLYLOCK FOX: Cassandra Cat plans to become a rival detective, so she’s put on her Nancy Drew outfit. (Kissy-kissy boom-boom!)
Craig
May 14th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

I had a forkball once, but a 2-week course of broad-spectrum antibiotics later, I was as good as new!
Ubiq
May 14th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

See, the upside of the cast is at least it looks cool. I don’t even have a scar as a result of my greatest misadventure, though I could always make a T-shirt that says “I got hit by a train and all I got was this lousy sprained shoulder.” Though I suppose it’s better than being saddled with a humiliating nickname like Noodle Foot.

Anyway, Shylock’s look of preternatural alertness is probably a result of the fact that he’s looking at her ass.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 14th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

Re: the question of what Mary is doing with her legs.
I thought “firmly wrapping them around…” My brain won’t let me get any further than that.
Carmichael the Polar Bear
May 14th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

Splendid. “Noodle Foot” is my new favorite term of opprobrium.
Wellsey
May 14th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

I’m guessing it was not the intention to make me laugh in today’s A3G, but Lu Ann *asking the moon if it’s talking to her* is just priceless! The last panel just begs for Garfield to be lying there, front paws crossed with a silent look across the fourth wall as if to say, THIS is who I’m living with. In fact, Lu Ann and Jon as a couple really makes a lot of sense to me!
Maughta
May 14th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

Yay! Librarians and sexy cats, all in one strip! My day is complete.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 14th, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

Sorry to re-post, but I posted this at the end of yesterthread before I knew it had ended. And I’m so excited!

I’ve found my dress! That is, I think it’s a dress. It’s from an old liquor ad, and has the advantage of apparently coming with a ubiquiduck-sized bottle of Cointreau. http://www.pettipond.com/french%20liquor.jpg

Now, nighty-night all.
Poteet
May 14th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

# 34 — Carmichael, “Pope Noodle Foot” might be even better. But that’s the first and last time I’ll say it:-).
Joel
May 14th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

A horsey ride of meddling?

Every time I read that, I start laughing all over again…
buschap
May 14th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

I think Mary lost her legs (slow moving injury from her trip to Vietnam?), and so is, indeed, asking very for a piggyback ride back to her apartment.

Or the hospital.
Adam
May 14th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

And, again, Slylock makes me feel like an idiot. Not only for lusting over the curvy Cassandra, but also because the answer was clearly not available to be had by anyone other than the artist. How in the hell were we supposed to know she put the alarm clock there? How could Slylock see it? Or Cassandra, for that matter. And there’s no way we can see if that clock is set for 11:00.

I’m guessing that getting tomorrow’s strip will require knowing which street Dennis Hopper had his tonsils removed on back in 1958.
Poteet
May 14th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

# 37 — O’F, it’s lovely! Bee-yootiful! You’ll wear the shoes too, right? I can hardly wait to see Lizard’s eyes when we all sail in.
Poteet
May 14th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

# 42 — And in memory of where I got the idea for my wedding attire, I plan to wear a small tasteful black brooch shaped like a smokestack.
SecretMargo
May 14th, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

37: That is … so amazing. And I (hic) enjoy the apparent alcohol theme that’s developing.

More Merlot, Mules! (hic)
Foobar
May 14th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

Hooray! Cassandra Cat appearances are too few and far between.
That's The Spirit
May 14th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

Cassandra may be about to distract the librarian with an alarm clock, and Slylock may be on to her plan, but she’s still going to get away with it, because Slylock doesn’t know that Cassandra plans to distract him with a quick lift of her shirt.

And… mouse is reading Krazy Kat? Wow, I think Josh’s interpretation of the general atmosphere in this feature, though hilarious, is not too far off the actual mark.

Also… what is a forkball?
Lurkerina Snarkinovna
May 14th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

#37—- The Hemangioma Look is hot this summer.

Can anyone tell me why I can’t access any of the King Features strips online lately? I always get a box that reads: “Content currently unavailable” and then a little arrow below it with “No referrer.” It’s really affecting my quality of life.
Lammergeier13
May 14th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

FOOB: When I first read the last line, I read it kind of like this: “Yeah, I’m looking at your eyes… Your large, burgeoning, almost zeepelin-like eyes, which press so endearingly against your sweater, as though to escape…” Then I looked back and saw that the therapist in question was as flat-chested as a young boy, well… there goes that idea.
Lammergeier13
May 14th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

correction: zeppelin
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 14th, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

Red Greenback’s excellent dissertation on the forkball can be found here. I believe that I’ve read that the forkball shreds young arms, making Clambake, well, a bit of a menace. Oh, BTW Red, congratulations on your Scadutocoup!
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 14th, 2007 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

#46 That’s The Spirit: #50 was lobbed your way.
MsMolly
May 14th, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

Other ways that Ziggy’s “love line” could spell the end of his “life line”:

1. Meets crazed stalker through Match.com
2. Pines away from loneliness, because “fat, bald, and only comes up to my waist” are the three qualities a woman is least likely to look for in a mate.
3. Autoerotic asphyxiation.

Also, (DT)GT is teaching me many new euphemisms. Kids these days… always getting forkballed when they go to The Bucket. Ouch.
Lammergeier13
May 14th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

Spiderman: Wait, so does this mean that if I catch a spider, and tie it up with teeny little chains, the spider could do what spiderman does? Because that unbelievably awesome sight would be worth going through all the trouble to see. I just hope the spider would have better quips.
Octal
May 14th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

Slylock fox knows how the cunning cat plans to lure the librarian away from the valuable book. Do you?

*reads answer* Wow, I was way off. Did anyone not read “lure away” as “seduce with sexy schoolgirl outfit while her accomplice lifts the book”?
Tj
May 14th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Sorry if this has already been mentioned: Bob Weber Jr. (the cartoonist for Slylock) has a kids-art site up
Citric
May 14th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

Because of Cassandra Cat, I don’t think it would be possible to have a G-Rated Slylock Fox movie. Too damn sexy to not go in a totally hot direction. Maybe have her seduce both Slylock and Max and turn them against each other, in order to make the city free for criminals to not get caught by completely random solutions that don’t actually make sense anywhere but in the mind of the writer.
Canaduck
May 14th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

11–Man, as stupid as TDIET is, I just cannot hate it as much as I used to. The letters Scaduto’s sent to you and others make him seem like such a nice guy!
Trotzenbonnie
May 14th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

I’ve been avoiding the unpleasant task of commenting on Funky this week but the above link to Batiuk’s interview made me snap. I need to get this off my chest like Lisa’s malignant mammaries. Recurrence risk is a nightmare of stress and anxiety, two things you don’t need when you’re desperately trying to stay healthy. I just don’t know what purpose it serves to remind me that my backache is probably not a muscle strain but a liver-eating tumor that will take me down like Jimmy V.
If he wanted to explore something different, why not take on the topic of the burden of survival? There is the ‘why me’ reaction when you find out you have the disease but there is also the ‘why me’ that comes with living through it while so many other people don’t make it. Let Lisa live and then try to figure out why she was spared. That would be edgy.
The initial series in 1999 was sensitive, readable and insightful at times. Now it’s just morbid and sadistic.
Sorry to be so somber but Lisa’s predicament is too real. I know bird strikes at airports are real too but I’m not a pilot and I don’t eat worms so I don’t really give a shit about that.
I just want my snark back, dammit!
MonkeyHawk
May 14th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

It’s a spectacular day!

Al Scaduto answered my e-mail!!

“Thanx for your Doctor’s Kid idea. Let me give it a good think and if I can
use it, I’ll send you an inscribed copy of the cartoon. It’d be a good idea
if you send me your full mailing address.

Best ever,

Al Scaduto
JZ
May 14th, 2007 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

I predict the current mustached villains will try and introduce an endangered bird into the old airport in an attempt to get it declared a protected habitat. I can only hope this involves smugglers which Mark Trail can discover and deliver his patented “crushing right hook”.
TB Tabby
May 14th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

57: I don’t think anybody here hates Al Scaduto. We save our loathing for the TRULY loathsome comics.
Dean Booth
May 14th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

Red and MonkeyHawk: Uh-oh. I was all excited today, too, because Scaduto answered my email! I got the same email as MonkeyHawk, but with “Thermostat” instead of “Doctor’s Kid.” Today must be replay to idea day in Scaduto’s world. I’m afraid I’ve lost that special feeling that only expected TDIET fame can bring.
Dean Booth
May 14th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

* replay = reply
Jamus The Bartender
May 14th, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

Al sent me an email too. It was an idea I had regarding my new cell phone….i’ll see if he uses it.
wasoe
May 14th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

I can explain the second panel of Mary Worth:

Notice how in the first panel of Mary Worth, Vera is sitting on the left side of the bench. (That is, her left.) In the second panel, if she were to be sitting on the left side of the bench, we would surely see some of the bench on the right side of the panel. We do not see this. We assume, therefore, that between panels one and two, Vera Shields moved to her right a fair distance. Second, if Vera were still sitting on the bench, we would be shown a side view of the bench. This is not so, as the bench appears to be facing toward us. Therefore, Vera has gotten up from the bench and moved to her right, and has turned to her right, and Mary Worth has gotten up from the bench to comfort her. Third, the scenery behind the bench in the second panel does not even vaguely match the background in the first panel. Also, the right side of the bench is obscured in the first panel. From this we conclude that they are sitting on an extremely long bench, or that the bench in panel two is not the same bench as in panel one. I personally prefer the former theory. So the explanation is this: Vera and Mary are sitting on an extravagantly long bench. Somewhere between panels one and two, Vera and Mary made the journey to the other side of said bench, where Vera assumed a squatting position without sitting on the bench and Mary got behind her for some sweet lady love.

Maybe there’s some sort of microprinted panel between the two of them that shows this magnificent journey.
Andy
May 14th, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

“Slylock Fox” is an awesome comic, but you know what would be even more awesome? “Cassandra Cat Capers”. In CCC, you have to figure out what red herring Cassandra Cat has included in her plan that will confuse the hell out of Slylock Fox’s logical mind and get him off the trail of her true plot. It’ll be much more fun to help Cassandra Cat get away with the crime than helping Slylock Fox bust her.
Strangerâ€¦
May 14th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

I have a conundrum. Is the reason I didn’t see the alarm clock because it was impossible to see if you weren’t specifically looking for it? or is the reason because I was too busy drooling over Cassandra Cat? She is definitely the sexiest … cat, yeah, that’s what I was thinking… cat, in the comics.

And I think I have a pretty good idea what Slylock Fox is doing behind that newspaper. You can see it in his eyes.
Andy
May 14th, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail: I’m loving this new plot twist. The evil politicians capture new birds to somehow shoot in front of the airplanes, proving that Sexy Sam’s ecological meltdown of the area was ineffective. Sam responds by devising a sinister plot to remove all birdkind from the face of the planet.
Chesnut
May 14th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

Oh Heart, just be glad you didnt bust your knee to Queen’s “Bohemien Rhapsody” during a practice rehearsal the day of the first dance team competition of the year which led to a painful surgery that implanted screws to hold in a ligiment graft to your ACL and months of physical therapy. Or maybe just be glad you’re not in Funky Winkerbean.
Octal
May 14th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

57 – Yeah, me too! He’s all polite and stuff. :)
Andy
May 14th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

67 Stranger…

I got the Cassandra Cat puzzle that involved figuring out why what she said didn’t register as a lie on the polygraph, but all of the puzzles that involved poring over the picture to find some telltale detail in the artwork, well, Cassandra’s much too sexy for anyone to ever succeed at that.
SecretMargo
May 14th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

58: Trotzenbonnie, it was actually your earlier response I was thinking of (besides, of course, my own), when I ranted on above [#24]. [Saturn] him, dude. And I think your “survival guilt” storyline would be kind of interesting, and add a note of earned redemption and (gasp) hope to this dreary thing. But no, we’ll just get opportunistic grandstanding, endless Congressional testimony, tearful video testaments, a final fade-out — and then a fun-run!

I’m sorry, but the fun-run just really gets to me for some reason.

[Boxcar] him and his [margo]ing dropped shoes.
SecretMargo
May 14th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

66: Andy, that is [margo]ing genius. I would so syndicate that.
bigbenorr
May 14th, 2007 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

Vera has moved to the edge of the bench and Mary is straddling her rear. At least thats what it looks like.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 14th, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

More information about the forkball can be found on the series of tubes.
AndyL
May 14th, 2007 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

Why doesn’t Slylock just tell the librarian to put the book under the counter? Why the elaborate trap?

The perspective inside the book-dome is a bit off, actually. perhaps the book is a hologram.
Andy
May 14th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

76 AndyL:

I’m pretty new to these parts, and rather sporadic. Did I inadvertantly steal your handle? If so, I can be “Mark Trail’s Dog” or something like that.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 14th, 2007 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

GT: Clambake, you stress me out. Your sweater’s on backwards and inside out.

How wow wow appropriate.
madCAPS
May 14th, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

Shylock Fox: Wow, the kids this comic strip is aiming for must be incredibly anal-retentive. I mean, what kind of maniac would notice a murky-gray clock inside a large murky-gray bookcase, hiding in the shadow of a murky-gray book?
Heart Of The City: Deliciously subtle Futurama reference. Well played HOTC, well played indeed.
Mary Worth: Her hands are off her crotch, Mary! Now’s your chance, GO MARY FOR THE CROTCH MARY!
Xenarthral
May 15th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

I think I can trump this Slylock’s unfair/inobvious
solution with an older one (mid-nineties, I think)
I came across last week:
In that one, the clue that something was not
as the perpetrator claimed (to be specific, he
HAD rear-ended another car and pushed it
forward), was that the other car’s radiator was
broken and the puddle a bit back (but, admittedly,
in the picture) showed its position before being
rear-ended. Of course, there was nothing about
the depiction of the car that indicated that there
might be anything wrong with it…
(It didn’t help that the newspaper published it in
black and white.)
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 15th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

Pluggers: I do not want to know what vile, hideous, bestial activity that the hat on the doorknob is supposed to signal. I just don’t want to know.
jonnya
May 15th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

Mary loves Vera!

http://www.acebonestudios.com/pages/mary%20loves%20vera.html
Eleusis
May 15th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

Tsk tsk Josh, don’t be so closed-minded. Just as Slylock Fox is attempting to make furry fetishism more palatable, Mary Worth is clearly attempting to raise awareness as to the plight of amputee grandmother fetishists. Nobody respects a man who craves some legless-old-biddy-on-ponytailed-manwoman action!
Lammergeier13
May 15th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

#83: I think there’s a reason for that, a sound and legitimate reason.
Trilobite
May 15th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

I just can’t wait to see Tuesday’s comics. Oh, wait, I just did! And look at the results:

Dick Tracy: I think I see why Dick Tracy’s name never appears on the promotion list for police captain: he insists on playing grade school games at the end of a case instead of typing up a full report. “Is the priceless evidence in my right pocket, or my left? Guess right and I’ll let you have it back!” And I’m sure his habit of leaving a trail of dead, mutilated bodies behind him doesn’t help, either.

Apartment 3G: It’s too bad the estate of Albert Pinkham Ryder isn’t around to sue the crap out of this strip. He was generally regarded as a very nice man in life. Weird, sure, but also polite and kind. Still, at least this way we get to see all of LuAnn’s “best” work destroyed, but maybe she’ll get slapped around by Evil Albert’s Ethereal Cyclone Attack. Oh, and Eric the gallery owner will be left without any crappy flower paintings to show, which will land him in the poorhouse and let Margo grind her heel in his face the way we’ve all wanted her to for the past few months. I guess what I’m getting at here is that if the price for all that is besmirching the reputation of a dead artist, I’m willing to pay it.

Rex Morgan: Aw, Rex is going to make Roger Avery cry. Well, either that, or Roger got one of those serial-strip prophetic dreams where he saw his dad drowning and knew he had to fly across the ocean to save him, and he’s just too embarrassed by the cliche’ to admit to it.

Mark Trail: I’m going to call this one in advance. Repeating his tremendous inductive leap with the eyehook, Mark will uncover this evil scheme when he notices some of those plastic bread-tie things in the commissioners’ wastebaskets. I can see it now: Mark standing in their office, gently swaying back and forth in his lightly stoned haze, his habitual tight grin firmly fixed on his face. “Bread ties!” he’ll think to himself. “They’re up to something!” Meanwhile, seven giant seagulls wheel ominously over the old airport as Sam Hill looks down into what used to be a swamp. “Someone put four wheelbarrows full of breadcrumbs at the end of the runway!” she exclaims. Three adrenaline-pumping weeks pass as we get to see the commissioners excitedly repeat their plan to each other, Sam’s dad the airport administrator reminds us all of how much damage bird strikes can cause, Sam tells us that she’s a biologist and has enormous hooters, and Mark wanders in and out among them all while making cryptic “Bread ties!” interjections. Then he punches the commissioners in their mustaches, and we have two more weeks to reflect on how the bird strike menace might strike our own local airports at any moment.

Back in the Lost Forest, Cherry forgets how money works and can’t buy groceries. Rusty goes feral and devours her. While Rusty’s still picking bits of her out of that scary gap in his teeth, Andy steals the jeep, picks up Molly the bear, and sets off on a quest to find the town where Slylock Fox lives so that they can get a little of that sexy animal action for themselves.
Bobdog
May 15th, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

Shouldn’t Cassandra Cat be in prison now for shoplifting and insurance fraud, not to mention mugging an irate Beaver?

Frankly, I think Slylock knows just a bit too much about this caper. And the flaw in her plan would appear to be that there are at least two eye witnesses that will be able to finger her as the thief. Plus which, the alarm clock can easily be traced back to her (it looks like the same one from her apartment that was ‘ransacked’). Given that she already has an extensive record of malfeasence, clearly Max and Slylock have decided to use Cassandra as their patsy. Don’t do it Cassie! It’s a trap.

Also, that’s a dumb place to put a rare, first edition book. I think the librarian is in on it too.
Steve S
May 15th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

Clambake’s advice is great no matter how the nouns and verbs are arranged:

“Now ice that shoulder, Mark. Forkballs can take a toll.”
“Now toll that shoulder, ice. Forkballs can mark a take.”
“Now take that ice, ballfork. Mark can shoulder a toll.”
“Now fork that iceball, Mark. Candles should take a toll.”
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 15th, 2007 at 1:07 am [Reply]

Silk Slylockings: Cassandra Cat may be a fairly new character, but it feels like we’ve known her for much longer, because over her brief criminal history we’ve watched her look evolve through the decades. In her first appearance, our felonious feline is rockin’ the mid-70s, Studio-54, Farrah Fawcett-feathered disco ‘do. Shake your groove thang, baybay. In her next caper, a scam that depends on the appearance of victimhood, the tawdry tabby adopts the wash-and-wear, on-the-go bob of an ’80s soccer mom. Unfortunately for her, Slylock has seen this look before — on Sarah Kozer. He didn’t buy her story either, though he did buy her tapes. Next, our curvaceous cat entices the impressionable Max Mouse with a smooth, swanky, late-90s blonde flip, matched with a sparkly sleeveless shell and a suggestive pearl necklace — a look that places her solidly in the era of “Desperate Housecats,” but doesn’t quite work for her. It’s apparent she’s just washed those ears and can’t do a thing with them. But in today’s strip, she nails it: A hip, layered razor cut that neither conceals nor exaggerates her ears, a tight black turtleneck that really shows off the sweater kittens and a sweet plaid miniskirt that just screams “I’m a disobedient schoolgirl, spank my tail.” I’d gladly pull out my squirt gun to chastise that naughty kitty. Cassie, you have ARRIVED.
Mibbitmaker
May 15th, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

5/15 (The Who, 1973):

A3G: Some famous artist is evil, LuAnn is dopey, Gabriella’s ineffectual and late, and Margaret Shulock is batshit insane. Better than being a Batiuk self-righteous jerk, though.

(DT)GT: Time to take out the comedy wah-wah-waaaaah horn again. Oh, that wacky Clambake!

S-M: Now WAIT a minute… Hugh Avery is working for Kordok?!

FW: Forget bad hair day, I miss FW from the ’70s and ’80s!

FOOB: Yeah, and let’s save the readers from this awkward storyline, while you’re at it. PLEEEEEASE!!
Toby Danger
May 15th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

MW: Notice the thin, spindly arms, the way the hands rest limply of Vera’s shoulders, the head which is now smaller than Vera’s.. clearly, Mary is transmogrifying into a ventriloquist’s dummy.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 15th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

FOOB: Oh my. The 5/15 strip. More of Jim Nuts’s therapy… I invite you to check out the fourth panel. It’s… transcendent!
TB Tabby
May 15th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

86: Isn’t it obvious? The “evidence” Slylock typically presents is circumstantial at best. Any competent lawyer could get their clients off in a heartbeat when the case is that full of holes.
Mibbitmaker
May 15th, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

More 5/15:

MT: (next panels)
Villian2: “Wow, man, how do you come up with such swell evil ideas like that?”

Villian1: “My mustache comes up with ‘em and tells me.”

Villian2: “Cool! You got a smart mustache. Mine only tells dirty jokes.”

MW: Again, what about the “silly matter”, Vera??? You don’t need Dr. Bellows to know there’s an elephant in the room.

Blondie: Internal snark. You gotta respect that.

The RMMD Chauffeur Sitcom: Oh, you’re no fun anymore![/Monty Python]
Mibbitmaker
May 15th, 2007 at 1:54 am [Reply]

In the Tuesday Spider-Man “Battle of the Dumb Guys” things fall apart like they often do in battles of dumb guys. First time one of those turned into a lecture on economics, though.
Dingo
May 15th, 2007 at 2:02 am [Reply]

I am back, back with a vengeance that only Mary Worth may know. Thank you for the birthday greetings and good thoughts toward the interview. It was… a humorous disaster. Imagine this: the group interviewing me decided to portray “typical” students during my teaching demonstration. I did this demo with my 72-year-old father and 69-year-old mother and they got through the lesson in Flash without a hitch in the half-hour alloted. At Reno, I got through one-fifth of the demonstration before time ran out. Why? At one point, I asked them to type “RENO” with each capital letter in its own layer. The department AA raised her hand and said, “How do I find the ‘R” on the keyboard?” I told her to look between the E and the T in the third line of letters. Then she asked me how to make a capital letter. At this point, if I had a baseball bat with me, I would have smashed her keyboard into a thousand pieces. What I wanted to say was if this was the typical student at her school, they had a LOT worse problems than learning Flash.

Oh, and she took me on a tour of the school. When we got to the library, there was an exhibit of stuffed toy bunny rabbits in the lobby. She told me that people brought in their collections to display. In the mood I was in, I told her that I had a collection of porcelain swans that I would have loved to showcase but in a drunken rage my friend, Rita, destroyed them.

And, internally, I danced like a 12-year-old girl at a Menudo concert.
Dub Not Dubya
May 15th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

8 Laura: Oh my God! They killed Slylock Fox! You bastards!

82 jonnya: Hooray, you’re back! Loved the animation.

95 Dingo: Welcome home and Happy Birthday. Sorry the Reno situation was so boxcared up. Sending you positive vibes for success in the job hunt.

Also, I posted a comment at the end of a thread that is long since dead, so in case anyone might enjoy it: about Sunday’s FC, I’m pretty sure the Keanes or their minions must be lurking here and noticed what joy we take in the talking animals, inanimate objects and body parts in MT. So the talking signatures were a shout out to us. “That’s what I think happened!”
goaty
May 15th, 2007 at 3:15 am [Reply]

Judge Parker — How can you tell the Judge Parker is art and not mere entertainment? Today’s shot around the table which refuses to give in to the time-honored tradition of having everyone around the table having a face shot on camera. (ala ever sit com on TV) However, frankly I think they are wasting Abby’s rack by this technique. You’d never catch Mrs. Dr. Rex Morgan letting her rack be upstaged by Dr. Johnny Fever.
AppleGirl
May 15th, 2007 at 3:21 am [Reply]

11 – Red Greenback, that is so cool! Al Scaduto is a good guy. I am actually charmed by his retro drawing style and lingo.

And yes, we are still on for carpooling to the SM wedding. Chennux is fine with it, he’ll be there, throwing potatoes at the newlyweds. Fizzy logic will be there in a new dress, feeling very very very pretty. This party’s really starting to shape up!

Inverted marine layer? That’s what finally got the fire under control on Friday. But it was very hot and dry the day of the Catalina fire. I saw the flames and smoke clearly from Newport Coast on Thursday night. Here are a couple of photos I took that night from the mainland:

http://flickr.com/photos/galechicago/493315396
http://flickr.com/photos/galechicago/493336627

My 15 minutes of fame as a photographer: CNN actually contacted me to use my photos on their Friday broadcast! I was thrilled!
WithoutaK
May 15th, 2007 at 3:26 am [Reply]

Dingo: Ohâ€¦myâ€¦Godâ€¦ Justâ€¦ wow. If they are “typical” Reno students, I guess maybe I should thank whatever guiding star made me decide to go to UNLV instead of UNR. I mean, UNLV’s no Yale but geez. Of course, Yale’s no Yale either if they’re churning out the likes of ol’ Dubya. (Seriously, am I the only one who thinks they should be doing everything possible to get rid of all evidence that they “educated” him?)

Gah. I digress, as usual. Sorry Nevada didn’t work out for you. I swear not all us students are morons!
AppleGirl
May 15th, 2007 at 3:32 am [Reply]

95 – Oh Dingo, I am laughing and crying at the same time! I teach a computer course to adults, and I occasionally do get this question: “How do I type a space between words?”

But this is to be expected when teaching nouveaux riches Orange County housewives who never used a computer, never used a typewriter, and never had to hold down a job in their entire charmed lives. I would never have figured Reno to have the same crowd!
goaty
May 15th, 2007 at 3:42 am [Reply]

Last night I was watching “Dancing with the Stars” and the local news station flashed a little promo at the bottom of the screen. It said simply, “Cancer Cure — tonight at 10 p.m.”

All I could think of was…. oh man….. Reedzilla is like a prophet. FW is so screwed.

Sadly, after watching the news, I discovered the new treatment probably won’t be available for 10 years…. my god…. 10 more years of FW…..
http://www.ktul.com/news/stories/0507/422896.html
AppleGirl
May 15th, 2007 at 3:54 am [Reply]

I am holding on to the thought that Reedzilla IS a prophet.
Jym
May 15th, 2007 at 3:57 am [Reply]

=v= SFx: Once I can take my eyes off of Cassandra, which is so very difficult (unless the Aldomania T-shirt photo with Christy pops up), my favorite detail is the Krazy Kat book. Very inspired. More bricks, mouse!

=49= SF: Now remember, always sign your emails with “Zeppelin Rules!!!”
The Avocado Avenger
May 15th, 2007 at 4:28 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: The mammogram conversationlet yesterday was apparently a one-off, singular occurrence. That makes it even creepier.

MW: I can’t wait to find out what Von and Vera’s argument was about. I still think Von is Roderick Usher to Vera’s Madeline, and the fight was about that whole silly “buried alive” business. Vera really should be over that by now. It’s not healthy to hold a grudge.
slinkimalinki
May 15th, 2007 at 5:06 am [Reply]

#86 — yeah, two witnesses can finger her. but that’s how she got off the previous charges.
dreadedcandiru2
May 15th, 2007 at 5:17 am [Reply]

DtM: Menace Index: 0.8. Dennis the not-really-a-menace realizes a tea party full of girly-girls is not a viable spawning ground for baseball players.

FW: Cancer cancer cancer baldness cancer.

Crankshaft: Super idea, lady!! Hire the ignoramus who touched all this off as judge.

DT: Jeez! He’s spending more time talking about killing the latest horror-freak badguy than he did killing her.

FOOB: Jim joins the outburst patrol today after beng hectored by an incompetent.
Red Greenback
May 15th, 2007 at 5:31 am [Reply]

98-AppleGirl: Beautiful photos! My hometown has a unique geography: I.E. the surrounding hills will capture the marine layer*, while a mile or two up the coast it will be as clear as Michael Jackson’s complexion. SM Wedding Partay, here we come!

(DT)GT Forkball, AKA, “the poor man’s knuckleball”

*Playboy’s Unabashed Dictionary defines “marine layer” as “Chicken of the Sea”

END TRANSMISSION!
Pozzo
May 15th, 2007 at 6:08 am [Reply]

Tune in tomorrow when Coach Gil discusses his testicular exam. (“Apparently I’m supposed to have two — who knew?”)
Chat Noir
May 15th, 2007 at 6:08 am [Reply]

FOOB: Can Lynn Johnston only conceive of malevolent unhelpfulness? Jim’s speech pathologist might as well be Shan … (wait for it) … non, for all the good blandly urging a stroke victim to repeat “me” is going to do.
Ham Gravy
May 15th, 2007 at 6:13 am [Reply]

DT: So, Tracy, is that the Blue Eye of the Mondazzi in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
smacky
May 15th, 2007 at 6:18 am [Reply]

Crankshaft should really follow Funky Winkerbean in the comics, even in alphabetical order. Funky tells you that you are never safe, that disease and disaster are always a breath away, and Crank swoops in and says “And then God will laugh mightily at you while your asshat neighbor toys with your life.”

I thought the old lady didn’t even like Crankshaft (who does?). His opinion has less value than the hemorrhoid doughnut he sits on while driving the short bus.
Islamorada Girl
May 15th, 2007 at 6:29 am [Reply]

Cassandra Cat: for Slylock Fox, she will always be known as The Woman. Irene Adler to his Sherlock Holmes. More Cassandra!

As I noted at the end of the last thread, Shawna-Marie’s bachelorette party was really, um, interesting. I got a stern lecture from the judge, probabtion before judgement and my case was put on the stet docket. Now let’s hope they don’t find the gun, the sunken Camaro and the body in the dumpster behind Tim Horton’s.
Islamorada Girl
May 15th, 2007 at 6:29 am [Reply]

Cassandra Cat: for Slylock Fox, she will always be known as The Woman. Irene Adler to his Sherlock Holmes. More Cassandra!

As I noted at the end of the last thread, Shawna-Marie’s bachelorette party was really, um, interesting. I got a stern lecture from the judge, probabtion before judgement and my case was put on the stet docket. Now let’s hope they don’t find the gun, the sunken Crevasse and the body in the dumpster behind Tim Horton’s.
dreadedcandiru2
May 15th, 2007 at 6:53 am [Reply]

Crankshaft – #111- Not only is the tentpole character useless, he’s also indestructible! Meanwhile, people who have something to contribure to society have their lives snuffed out by Doctor Lethal and her magical hippy love drug. That’s right: It’s Laetrille time at the Moore house!! The only question left is ‘Will Darin be hugging a tombstone or an urn?’
whoamItoday?
May 15th, 2007 at 7:03 am [Reply]

Heart, at least you didn’t sprain your wrist flying a kite!

#8 yes, I think you did find the audience.

#95 Dingo sorry Reno didn’t work out. I guess there are people attracted to computer training who are like the culinary students I could never figure out: they obviously never had cooked at home in the past, were not currently cooking at home or work, and didn’t even like food/cookery all that much. But they understood it to be a growing industry and a reliable one in Orange County, so they signed up for culinary classes. They were a real drag to have in class because of questions equal to ‘where is the R?’ and their need for constant hand holding by the chef instructors. Then, as graduation loomed and they finally began job hunting, they would be looking for jobs with weekday hours. They wanted their nights and weekends open!
Can\â€™t believe your eyes
May 15th, 2007 at 7:09 am [Reply]

Clambake is black? I wonder how many other comic characters are black?
markered
May 15th, 2007 at 7:10 am [Reply]

Forkball: The new Shocker?
Squawk
May 15th, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

SFx: Cassandra’s sexy as hell, but I liked her more with the longer hair than with this new pageboy she’s got. Her grooming habits must cost a small fortune, which is possibly why she, being only a schoolgirl, has turned to a life of crime — theft, insurance fraud, turning tricks in nightclubs, and God knows what else Weber has in store for her. I’m hoping that she turns her life around and becomes Slylock’s sexy operative a’la Charlie’s Angels, and then Slylock can finally get rid of that useless mouse.
AhClem
May 15th, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

“This meeting of the Trailville City Council will come to order. First order of business: Some extra birds have been sighted at Trailville International Airport. All in favor of abandoning it and investing $10 billion in a new airport say ‘aye.’ Motion carries.

“We now will ajourn for punch and sweater puppies in the lobby.”
Groovymarlin
May 15th, 2007 at 7:22 am [Reply]

FOOB, 5/15: Jesus. I thought nothing could be more depressing, boring, and soul-draining than Lizardbreath’s love life. THEN I saw this recent series on physical and speech therapy, starring Grandpa and the weirdly menacing Iris. WTF is Lynn Johnston thinking? It’s like she and Batiuk are part of some conspiracy to make comics completely unreadable!
stinky pete
May 15th, 2007 at 7:24 am [Reply]

Today’s Slylock Fox “6 differences” is a Funky Winkerbean crossover; Panel 1 exists in the Winkerverse whereas Panel 2 exists in our universe. Therefore the 6 differences are that, in Panel 1:

1) Postman’s shoes are about to spontaneously combust
2) Red car about to hit small child chasing a ball
3) Big nose guy about to get skull crushed by slamming door.
4) Barefoot kid about to drop glass, badly cutting feet
5) Blonde in doorway serving battery acid smoothie.
6) Sun about to go nova, incinerating all.
insolenttomato
May 15th, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

#54: Right there with ya. I was completely expecting the trademark upside-down, completely unreadable Slylock Fox answer to read: “Notice the studious yet titillating ensemble Cassandra Cat has put together. At eleven, when the librarian goes on her daily pencil-sharpening break, she will look up and see Cassandra’s sleek, tartan-clad form. As the first stirrings of lust occur in her repressed, bookish soul Cassandra’s accomplice, Millicent Minx, will steal the book.”

I mean, COME ON. She’s freaking leaning against the bookshelf and thrusting her rack outward. I was quite disappointed I had it wrong.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 15th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

MT: Cannot WAIT to see the mechanism Facial Hair Villains use to attract birds to Trailville International. And how many planes will they bring down?

Birdstrikes!
Calico
May 15th, 2007 at 7:36 am [Reply]

Tuesday Baldo and Blondie – Gracie and Cookie get pseudo-existential.

FOOB – Jim is trying to scream “Let me out of this strip, for the love of God!”

DtM – Dennis trains lil’ Joey in the fine points of misogyny and sexism.

MW – Vera is taking boxing lessons as we can surmise in panel two, so the next time Vonny comes around, POW Margo SMAK Boxcar BIFF Saturn! With a WHAM! for good measure.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 15th, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

#129 insolenttomato:

I mean, COME ON. Sheâ€™s freaking leaning against the bookshelf and thrusting her rack outward. I was quite disappointed I had it wrong.

Subtext is everything, my friend. You have it oh-so-right.

Cassandra’s cunning plan is to bring the schwing to the librarian’s gray little world. I can only imagine the deleterious psychosexual effect this will have on Max Mouse…
Meander
May 15th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

Subject: Happy Birthday, Lio!
From: cbrubaker
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.strips

http://images.ucomics.com/comics/lio/2007/lio070515.gif

That’s right. Exactly one year ago today, “Lio” by Mark Tatulli began running in newspapers. Obviously, this didn’t go unnoticed, as seen in today’s strip.
Buck Ripsnort
May 15th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

5/15 A3G: Seriously, Doubleyou-Tee-Eff? I thought opening the window would clear LuAnne’s head (if anything would), but instead it causes a mini-tornado and an angry Pinkham? If thi ends w/ her being blown to Oz, I’m quitting.
Hogen Mogen
May 15th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

They secretly hate their readers.

Spiderman: I don’t get it. Why would Kordok capture Spidey just to have his henchmen shoot him? Kordok is carrying a pistol. Use it, you moron. Please!!!

TDIET: Another incomprehensible blot on the daily comics page. The house actually is big, and it actually is quiet. But cheer up, one of you may have cancer, or just run around telling everyone that you do.

Funky: My hair will fall out, I’ll have constant bouts of nausea, vomiting, depression and extreme lethargy. I will accept my fate to suffer what my readers have suffered daily for years.

Foob: Yesterday, “eye” was in quotes and shouldn’t have been. Today “me” is not in quotes and should be. Lynn Johnston is an “idiot”.

Malice Fartmore: John Edwards has big hair! Ha ha ha! Women find him attractive! Ha ha ha! He smiles a lot! Ha ha ha! Wait, what’s funny about that? It’s not like he’s a big dog or anything.

GT: Yeah, it’s Clambake’s fault that you can’t catch the damn pitch.

JP: Neddy thinks: Dammit! No mansions? Now I’ve got to brain the old hag with a baseball bat. Oh, crap. There are no baseball bats for sale in Paris, are there.

Phantom: I’m confused here, too. This guy and his wife go on a pleasure cruise with someone that they know will be arrested for heinous crimes when they land. Couldn’t they have arrested him before he took off? The orange shirt criminal guy shows his class by mentioning that he paid for something very expensive. Why don’t you just whip out the receipt, too?

MT: Ah, the nefarious plot develops. The two scheming facial haired criminals decide to release some birds near the airport. But the swamps are drained, the runway cracks are sealed and the landfill was removed, so the birds will merely fly elsewhere to find convenient food. How little they know of Mark “Beastmaster” Trail anyway. They plot against a man who can summon the Great White Dove, whose wings are large as a small jet. To travel, Mr. Beastmaster can call upon the Thunderous Swans, who dwarf a 747 with their gargantuan size. The earth quakes beneath the feet of the Giant Fifty Foot Chipmunks, yet, even these magnificent beasts of the wild fall to the command of Trail. Hail, hail to Trail!
Tweeks_Coffee
May 15th, 2007 at 7:56 am [Reply]

5/15 –

Blondie: That was amusing, a little self-mockery always helps keep a comic in check.

DT: This like some cheesy magic act you’d see at a kid’s birthday party. “The diamond is behind your ear! Ta-dah!” For crying out loud, just cough up the diamond Tracy!

(DT)GT: “HILLHOUSE”? What the hell is that? I also see that Ken is sporting the inside out and backwards shirt look the Clambake pioneered. He took it a step further and actually got his logo stitched on there.

SFx: #121 – If it’s a FW crossover then the difference would be that everyone now has skin cancer from being out in the sun.
gh
May 15th, 2007 at 7:57 am [Reply]

#11 Red Greenback

Al must answer his e-mails on Mondays. I got this from him yesterday too:

Hi Greg:

Thanx for your “All Dressed Up” idea. Sounds funny. Let me give it a good think, and if I can use it, I’ll send you a personally inscribed copy. It’d be a good idea if you send me your full mailing address.

Best ever,

Al Scaduto

—– Original Message —–

Subject: Thanks, and a suggestion

Mr. Scaduto,

Thanks for â€œTheyâ€™ll Do It Every Timeâ€! It always hits the nail on the head. Iâ€™ve read it for years and was glad to find it online, since I moved recently and my local paper doesnâ€™t carry it.

Something happened to me recently that I hoped you might be able to use.

Every day, I go to work dressed formally in a button-down shirt and tie, even though most of my co-workers dress casually. Naturally, one day last week that I decided to skip the tie and dress down in khakis and a polo shirt. I came in and everyone else was in a suit! Seems the CEO was in town and I, of course, didnâ€™t get the memo. Oh, well!

Anyway, I hope you can make something of it. I can picture it (but I canâ€™t draw it)!

I sent it in last Monday. Hee-hee!
Pozzo
May 15th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

#55 (Tj) – Some of that kid art is a little disturbing. I’m not sure whether I should be encouraged or dismayed that the next generation is drawing wererabbits, goth girls, and manga ambisexuals.
andreavis
May 15th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

Looks like Mary and Vera are running through the swamps of
Dagobah – “Forgive your brother you must!”

I must say I love all the crinoline and tulle monstrosities everyone is planning to wear to Shania-Maria’s wedding. My own pink monstrosity is pressed and ready to go. I think if we’re crashing this wedding, it’s best to be dressed in many layers.
srah
May 15th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

No one in Slylock Fox wears shoes.
Hogen Mogen
May 15th, 2007 at 8:07 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: Hey, what’s Crankshaft doing here? What, just because the name of the strip is called “Crankshaft”, he probably thinks that it’s ok to just drop in on any old story line he feels like. Huh. “No conflict of disinterest” is a lame pun anyway, since he does have disinterest. I’m not sure why old fart next door that isn’t even friends with the old lady is called in to decide who should get the comics. He not only has complete disinterest, but he has no idea what a comic is worth. Who should “get” the comics? Don’t they mean “buy” the comics? Shouldn’t that financial decision be made by the highest bidder? Isn’t this a free market economy?
Quacks Like A Duck
May 15th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

Slylock Fox: See, this is what’s wrong with our justice system. Surely, Cassandra Cat has already had her third strike, and yet she’s still on the streets committing crimes. Hey, Slylock, catch-and-release may work while fishing, but not while busting criminals! (hehe, busting…)
Hogen Mogen
May 15th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

#132 – Andreavis – Completely off topic, but I read the link to Dagobah in Wiki. Yoda hid from the Emperor because he was in a cave filled with the dark side of the Force. First, there was no cave in any movie, Yoda lived under a tree. Second, if the cave was filled with the dark side of the Force, wouldn’t that hasten Yoda’s discovery by an enemy who used the dark side of the Force?

No, I guess I’m not asking you to account for George Lucas’s bizarre inconsistencies. I don’t know why I had to get those little nits out there, though other than that when people don’t think things through it bothers me.
McManx
May 15th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

Come on already! Isn’t it about time for Cassandra Cat to be featured in some Curmudgeon Gear? We’re all obviously infatuated with her, as is Max Mouse. Regarding Max’s choice of reading material, “Krazy Kat” would qualify as the Kama Sutra for rodent/feline S&M games. Nasty, Max.
willethompson
May 15th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

JP: Aunt Rachelâ€™s diagnosis of brain cancer is bogus? What about the rest of her claims? No apartment in St. Moritz? No Bentley? No playing â€˜hide the salad forkâ€™ with Groves? So, in looking through her just-published â€˜autobiographyâ€™ AUNT RACHEL: TOO HOT FOR WORDS, is she also exhibiting signs of dementia when she claims to have founded the Food and Drug Administration, bitch-slapped Montgomery for going ahead with Operation Market Garden, invented the transistor, launched TelStar, told Iacocca to freshen up his line with the Mustang, created the Nike logo, was the sexual muse for both Georgia Oâ€™Keefe AND Robert Mapplethorpe, chewed the Berlin Wall down using atomic beavers, introduced Lewinsky to Clinton, sold the chad voting machine to certain precincts in Florida, posts as a â€˜Galactic Emperor Chennuxâ€™ AND was the medalist at the Sydney Olympics in the 50 meter blowjob?
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 15th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

5/15

A3G: Luann opens the window and all her paintings disappear in a sparkly whirlwind. Wheeeee!!!

FW: Les is opting for the “numb silence” method of communiocation.

My Cage: Guess Norm isn’t a subscriber to Modern Drunkard.

RMMD: Are Hugh and Heather just stepmother and stepson? He’s got quite the pouty blonde thing going himself. And we can only guess what effect that’s having on Rex.

MT: That’s a really… convoluted plan. Whatever happened to bribing the city council president?

SFx: Oh how lovely! The boy is finally meeting his biological father.

Marvin: Yeah, that’s my reaction too.

9CL: Edda got flippers!

DtM: Yeah, like any of them are less butch than Joey. Pick the girl with the Princess Leia ‘do for third base.

TDIET: Why not deal with empty nest syndrome the way Jeremy’s parents in Zits do?

Big Dog: The two-headed Great Dane walks the earth, as is said in Revelations.

FC: PJ kept saying “I don’t recall,” “I’m not at liberty to say,” and “On advice of council, I’m going to let that question stand.”
willethompson
May 15th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

#112 & #113 I-Girl OK, I got one difference between the two posts with the Camaro/Crevasse. What are the other five?
Dean Booth
May 15th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

FOOB + Garfiled = Fun with Aphasia.

DtM: Clambake could turn those girls into outfielders.

A3G: The poses reminded me of silent movies. I wonder if “the point” is as common in silent movies as in the comics.

RMMD: A documentary on boredom does not need to be boring.

MW: Vera’s memories sure have a hair trigger. She needs to put on the safety like the rest of us.

Phantom: Jerry Falwell reaps the benefits of the Boating for Christ fund raiser.

Pluggers: You’re a Plugger if you hide the Blue Eye of Mondazzi with your hat.

Coincidence Corner: BB and GT both emphasize Heck in the punchline.

Congrats, AppleGirl.

Good luck with the job, Dingo. Do you still want it?
Hogen Mogen
May 15th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

Josh, I love this site, I check out the advertisements regularly, but I’ve just got to say no to “the fart button”.
SecretMargo
May 15th, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

134: Hogen Mogen — OMG, that’s exactly what I thought reading the punchline, but I wanted to make sure that my hostility was warranted and not an aftereffect of all the Batiuk-directed ire I’ve harboured of late. But yes — couldn’t he have taken a second and made the punchline work, at least marginally? Say by changing it to, “I have no conflicts, just disinterest.” or something? Though I’m sure he was hard at work trying to come up with that timely bad hair day “joke” in FW.
Hogen Mogen
May 15th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

Batuik gets accolades for running a difficult story – badly – with no humor. Beetle Bailey still chugs along with no resembleance to the modern day army. Gary Trudeau tackles a hard story, includes modern military situations and does it with funny. Where’s the love, dudes/dudettes?

Side note, Doonesbury is on the Chron in the “black & white” section, although it is available in color. I don’t get it.
VoVat
May 15th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

As a fan of L. Frank Baum (whose birthday is today, by the way), I find it interesting that the book Cassandra wants to steal is apparently a first edition Wizard of Oz. You can even kind of make out Baum’s name at the bottom.
ChefMike
May 15th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

Oh my stars! so many swears being thrown about in the comics today.
(DT)GT: the catcher’s hatred of Clambake and knuckleballs almost forced him to say not only no but “heck” no!
OBH: little Joe is upset because he doesn’t know how to write a “dang” story
BB: Zero tells sarge he’ll be “Darned to heck” for swearing, hillarity ensues!
also, you can tell Grandpa Jim wants to get in on the swearing action, but he’s being held prisoner in his disabled body.
And in the non-swearing section
DtM: “…but it’s okay joey, cause we really only need a pitcher and a catcher.”
Crankshaft: and what does Crankshaft have to do with helping the poor woman decide anything? Maybe just that it’s his fault in the first place that there’s more than one interested party now.
Blondie: Oh honey, your father wanted to name you after where you were conceived, but I had to convince him that “Buick Skylark” was a horrible name for a girl. So we agreed on Cookie instead
Hogen Mogen
May 15th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/4/13&name=Ziggy

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/2/16&name=Ziggy

There was a lot of discussion about Johnny Hart re-drawing strips and placing them years apart. I’m a bit late with this, but Ziggy copied withing two months – and one of those months was February.
Laura Jane
May 15th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

GTThe reason for the mamogram? Mimi has her doubts about one of Clambake’s olde tyme remedys: some time ago, Clambake gave her an exam and discovered cancerous tumors. Fortunately for Mimi, Clambake knew just the ticket for those nasty tumors; he has been helping her out by massaging his fresh, hot testosterone cream into her chest and the best thing is– he charges her very little for these treatments.

However it is slowly beginning to dawn on Mimi that Clambake might have gotten his olde tyme remedy wrong. You see, back when Mimi was a sweet, young, innocent coach’s bride one of Gil’s star basketball players diagnosed her with the dreaded Man-Face. Fortunately the cure was at hand– massaging fresh, hot testosterone cream onto the area. When the star player was busy, he had one of his friends help her out. After a year, the basketball team pronounced her cured.

Now, after only 20 sessions with Clambake, it has suddenly occured to Mimi that he may have mixed-up the treatment for breast cancer with the treatment for Man-Face. So that is why she has scheduled a mamogram to see if the tumors are shrinking.
Hogen Mogen
May 15th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

Unlike the old lady, Crankshaft knows the free market economy, and will freely accept any and all bribes, providing that they are non-binding, as he gets to fulfil his other passion, which is telling people to fuck off.
Dennis Jimenez
May 15th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Blondie – Cookie could have been named Grinder.

DtM – Dennis is becoming increasingly less menacing – I’m starting to see him in a teddy as Riley Freemantle’s bitch in juvenile detention.

FBoFW – Please Lynn – let’s end it and save all of us.

MT – Farting bird dialog – very good, Elrod. You are redeemed.

MW – Shouldn’t you be smoking after the MW mounting yesterday?

Pluggers – A plugger’s hat on the knob tells his mom not to come in – he’s working on his knob on the other side of the door. B. Toff – Jizzville, FL.

FC – Again worthless, but great future fodder for Nietzsche Family Circus.
John C Fremont
May 15th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

Mibbitmaker – Thanks for the Who reference. I’d completely missed the fact that it’s 5/15!

Dingo – Sorry about Reno. But then, seriously, dude – who’d want to live in Reno? (To anyone from Reno, sorry! But seriously, why do you live there? Come to Nebraska, home of The Good Life according to our lovely Welcome signs, anyway.)

Lio – More squid!

A3G – You know, I was really enjoying the whole ghost story line back in the “I’m all at sea” days, but now I just want to get this over with. I never thought I’d say this, but I wonder what’s going on with Tommy! (Ha! Another Who reference!)

Foob – Crikey… Speaking of wondering when this is gonna stop. All I can think of to say is “Mmbuhhh” or maybe even “Mmmbbuhaaaaaa!”

MT – Yeah, what could possibly go wrong with a plan like that?

SFx – You forgot the seventh difference, Mr. Weber. The postman’s jacket button. You’re getting careless in your attempts to stay ahead of me, Weber. But all will be forgiven if I can just have more Cassandra Cat!

JP – Hey, Neddy’s looking directly at me in panel one. Hey, everybody, check it out. She’s looking at ME! (She doesn’t look too excited, though. What must I do to win you over, Neddy? And don’t say, “Be younger and better looking!”)
andreavis
May 15th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

#136 Hogen Mogen, feel free to pick as many nits as you like about Star Wars; I’m no George Lucas(ologist). And IMHO, anyone who changes the movies so that Greedo shoots first is fair game for criticism. And beatings.
Calico
May 15th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

Sorry if I sound naive, but is this one of the CC-ers?

http://pcjm.blogspot.com/search/label/FBOFW
Galactic Emperor ChennuxÂ©â„¢Â®
May 15th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! TIGHTEN YOUR PORES AND BOTOX YOUR WRINKLES! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

WHAT THE MARGO IS GOING ON IN FBoFW? CHENNUX IS PUMPED TO GO TO SHAWNA-MARIEâ€™S WEDDING AND WE ARE DWELLING ON THE ANCIENT ONEâ€™S INABILITY TO SPEAK? WHERE IS THE COMIC GOLD IN THAT? CHENNUX DEMANDS MORE WEDDING MISERY FOR THE ONE CALLED LIZARDBREATH! LIZARD IS CHENNUXâ€™S FAVORITE KIND OF BREATH! HAHA!

CHENNUX APPROVES OF ALL OF THE WARDROBES BEING SELECTED FOR THIS EVENT! THE OUTFITS CHOSEN BY THE ONES CALLED Oâ€™FOGEYETTE, ANDREAVIS, POTEET, FIZZY LOGIC AND ILSAMORADA GIRL ARE CRAPTASTIC! AND IN A GOOD WAY! HAHA! APPLEGIRL! ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE THE SHOES TO GO WITH THAT? HAHA! AND SECRETMARGO! IF ONE CANâ€™T GENDERBEND AT A CANADIAN WEDDING, CHENNUX JUST DONâ€™T KNOW WHERE ONE CAN!

THE ONES CALLED RED GREENBACK AND gh WILL WEAR RUFFLED SHIRTS AND BULLETPROOF POLYESTER! AND MONKEYHAWK! CHENNUX HAS FOUND YOUR TUXEDO! IT WILL SHOW YOUR WINGS TO GOOD ADVANTAGE! HAHA!

AS FOR CARPOOLING ARRANGEMENTS, CHENNUX WILL LAND ON THE SAM HILLS BY WESTVILLE AIRPORT, CRUSHING BIRDS AND FACIAL HAIR WITH EQUAL FERVOR! THE GREMLIN WILL BE OFF-LOADED AND ALL WILL PROCEED! IF THERE IS A KRISPY-KREME NEAR THE AIRPORT, CHENNUX WILL BUY!

PREPARE TO LOB POTATOES!

END TRANSMISSION!
DropDeadGorgias
May 15th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

@Dennis (comment 150)

Fixed: Pluggers – A Plugger’s hat on the door tells their mom not to come in.
srah
May 15th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

O Great Galactic Emperor, perhaps Tim Hortons would be in order instead.
buschap
May 15th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

#47 – if you’re still reading this far down, the fix in Firefox is to type “about:config” in the location bar and set “network.http.sendRefererHeader” to “2″.

This is an extremely minor security concern, as when you click on a link, it sends that site information about the site you came from.
Ralph
May 15th, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]

24, SecretMargo, thanks for expressing so well what the problems are with the cancer storyline in FW. I wouldn’t mind reading a cancer storyline if it showed someone surviving and coping with courage, attitude, and humor, and if the story taught how important it is to be an advocate and team leader for one’s own medical treatment (that is, the doctors and medical folks are hired hands, not gods). Instead we have a manipulative, unrelentingly cruel story featuring a hand-wringing Victim clearly disliked by the artist who created her. I’m boycotting it.
Calico
May 15th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

Attn: Here is my first extrordinarily lame attempt at a song parody. This is about our favorite
Ubiqui(tit)cat, Cassy, to the first part of Boston’s “Amanda”:
(All, please forgive me for this one-I need a vacation)

Cat, tomorrow’s so far away
There’s one big meow I have to say
I don’t think I can hide the mouse you caught inside
Another day, purrin’ “I love you”
And I, I’m getting too furry again
I don’t want to see your tale end
If I hiss at you tonight will you smash the light (along with my surviving Waterford glasses from an earlier feline incident in ’87)
And pad away knowin’ I love you?

We’re gonna snark at your great size and make you realize,
Cassandra
We’re gonna tell you right away, those tits can’t wait another day,
Cassandra
I’m gonna say it like a cat and make you realize that
Cassandra
We love you…
gkl
May 15th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

Shylock: I work for the American Library Association, and one of the magazines has a department on how librarians are covered in news and popular culture. (Yes, really, and don’t ask.)

Anyhow, I’m going to do my darnedest to get this Shylock in, and poor Weber’s e-mail is going to turn into a river of flame. “That’s a stereotype; we don’t wear pencils in our hair like that” some librarians will say. “We don’t have ears like that” some librarians will say. “Our heads aren’t smaller than a first edition of The Wizard of Oz” some librarians will say. “In our libraries, the alarm clocks are shelved in the 681s,” some librarians will say. “We don’t store books in bell jars, only brains,” some librarians will say. “This cartoon proves why I should get paid more,” some librarians will say. “The weather’s too hot during our annual conference,” some librarians will say. About the only consistency is that there will be complaints. Librarians are like that.
SatanicMechanic
May 15th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

Wow, after Barny Google and Snuffy Smith’s recent run in with Faulkner I can’t help getting the feeling John Rose is sneaking stuff into the strip… even though he totally isn’t doing that.

Compare today’s: “Five card draw, deuces an’ one eyed jacks are wild- etc”

…with some lyrics from the Dead’s “Doin That Rag”: “One eyed jacks and the deuces are wild
And the aces are crawling up and down your sleeve”

And while I know that the strip is not in any way shape or form ACTUALLY making a reference to this fantastic song, it’s hard not to dream…
bats
May 15th, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

I think Grampa Chinnuts is going to have another stroke (either unintentional, or most likely self-induced in a pathetic attempt to exit the hell that is Foobland).

Go, Grampa, Go!
zeeba
May 15th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

5/15

So much senseless death (or talk of senseless death) of pets in the comix today:
Baldo:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/5/15&name=Baldo
MG&G:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070515&name=Mgoose

And of course, the ever impending death of Lisa Moore in FW, which the Dallas Morning News had a WHOLE ARTICLE about today:
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/fea/healthyliving/health/stories/DN-nh_funky_0515liv.ART.State.Edition1.49415fc.html

And more doom and gloom:
Dilbert:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/5/15&name=Dilbert
SF:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070515&name=Sally_Forth
(yeah, Ted doesn’t seem to be TOO upset about losing half the family income. He’s probably planning on being a house husband, sitting around quaffing beers while Sally brings home the bacon).

FOOB: omg, have mercy on us with the rehab already. Gramps can say BOXCAR loud and clear–that’s really the only word he needs to say!!

If it weren’t for GF:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/5/15&name=Fuzzy
and Lio:
http://www.gocomics.com/lio/
there wouldn’t have been any fun in the funnies today!!
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
May 15th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

For some reason, today’s 9CL irritates me. Oh wait: I know the reason. McEldowney assumes those pitiful boring people in suits and carrying attache cases (really? Does anyone use the word “attache case” anymore?) know or care little about ballet, poor benighted souls. So, presumably, ballet companies exist entirely due to the generous donations of all those other dancers, right? C’mon, Brooke: if you’re going to argue that people don’t appreciate that ballet is work (and why should that matter, he said lefto-anarchically), can you work a little harder to find an even more obvious target than “men in suits”?

Right below it in my Chron selection, Bizarro imagines that people who are not paid-in-full members of the RIAA actually refer unironically to “illegal downloads.” O Sweet Britney in the poorhouse! We knew not what we were doing! (Oh wait: if we had, we’d've done it more.)
Bapp
May 15th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

I’ve been saying for some time now that Mary has speical feelings for Vera. Perhaps if Hollywood does a live action adaptation, Dame Judi Dench can be called upon once again to play a meddling lesbian.
gump worsley
May 15th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Anyone who thinks Jack Elrod is just mailing it in these days should take a second and ponder how difficult it would be to come up with a sentence that shows less understanding of current American politics than “If we can get the people all fired up about the birds, they will vote to build a new airport!”.
AAckTPPth
May 15th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

52 – My world just got a lot weirder seeing “Ziggy” and “autoerotic asphyxiation” in the same post. I can’t look at Ziggy the same ever again.

What we don’t see in SFx is Cassandra Cat’s partner in crime, Michael Caine, waiting in an Alfa Romeo. He will then drive through the Italian Alps (long helicopter tracking shot) on his way to Switzerland where he will then sell the book on the international black market along with a couple of Picasso sketches, a few diamonds and a crate of Chinese AK-47s. Then off to Monte Carlo for some Baccarat, where he will meet Slylock and Max who have been hot on his trail the entire time. Hijinks ensue. Soundtrack by Nicola Conte, please.
AAckTPPth
May 15th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

Blondie McSweaterkitties?

Nah, nothing will ever beat Redmullet McSweaterpuppies.
t007
May 15th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

MW:Let’s try four panels, Mary Worth, shall we, move the story along? hmm?
Al
May 15th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

FW: If Lisa won’t fire her oncologist for screwing up her lab results, how about firing her for margoboxcarsaturn( NOT CURING HER MEKLARDAMNED CANCER IN FOUR TRIES???

I mean, seriously… I once saw a “new outer limits” TV episode where some old dude held his doc’s life hostage. “If I die, so do you and all your family” was the basic theme. Les and Lisa ought to grow a pair and try that strategy instead of going to Congress.
Dennis Jimenez
May 15th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

RE: 155 – But they’re still in there masturbating, Right?
commodorejohn
May 15th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

Cassandra Cat =
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 15th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

I predict that soon all TDIET’s will be based on suggestions from Curminions.

81 Jonnya: That is SO tasteless! I LOVE it!

Trilobite 85: Your MT scenario is excellent and probably very close to what will play out, except for the Rusty devouring Cherry part. And BTW, I’ve never said so, but I love your nom de blog. My dad was a paleontologist and used to take us to a nearby mountaintop to look for fossil trilobite impressions.

Dingo, glad you’re back, but sorry the job didn’t work out. And happy birthday?

154 GEC: Your magnificence, I am overjoyed that you approve my outfit. And thank you for seeing to all the transportation arrangements. See you soon!
MossMoses
May 15th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

Somehow when Ol’ ChinNutz had the stroke I just knew he wouldn’t croak and that we were in for a lengthy feel good rehab treacle fest. It is going from sappy to downright inane. He got so excited today that he laid an egg in his Depends and his speech therapist will have to help him change it. Where’s the selfless comrade Iris when he soils his undergarments? You call that your world? Pathetic!
RoskoP
May 15th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

FBOFW: Is Jim trying to say MARGO? Because he already has BOXCAR down pat. “OK, Jim, let’s
try a different word
…SSSAAAAAATTTT…SSAAAAATTT…”
Gabe
May 15th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

Tips for song parodies:

Okay, I read this many moons ago somewhere on the internets, so I will do my best to remember the pointers. I thought it was a good read, and when I do it, I try my best to remember these. Take with a grain of salt.

1. Text versions of a song are REALLY HARD to pull off effectively. Make sure the wording structures are really close to the originals, sometimes this requires odd word choicing, but streactching out a syllable really only works in audio form.

2. Try to stick to something well-known. Picking odd-ball songs will leave most to just glaze over it well, because they don’t know it! Big hits, standards, TV themes, etc. unless you are writing for a specific audience. (Side: I’m no musicologist, but I’m pretty well-versed in the world of music, I like to think. I rarely recognize half of the songs parodied on here. However, I am guilty of ths myself. My Iron Maiden parody “Illegal Teenz” fell on deaf ears in my journal.).

3. Keep ideas broad. Dont’t try to cram 80 jokes in two lines. A good rule is one joke per rhyming scheme.

4. Stage directions: This sometimes works, but you have to be a real word wizard for it not to be overly distracting. Music Video descriptions are generally a no-no.

5. Take your time. Sometimes an idea pops in your head with a few lines that seem to write themselves. Then you get to the rest of the song and you’re stuck, but you try to muddle through it anyway cause you have a couple good lines. Think them out, and if half or more of the parody you think is weak, work more on it or ask for help before you post it.

These are just pointers, cause I like reading your guys’ stuff. Keep it up!
Deborah
May 15th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

MW: “Yet I cannot forget nor can I forgive”

Oh my GOD who talks like that? And in the complete absence of commas?

That’s just so wrong.
Mumbles
May 15th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

130: That’s great! As much as we goof on TDIET, Scaduto seems like a nice guy. You’ve inspired me to write to Batiuk about my great idea to have a nuclear power plant explode near the town so that EVERYONE can get sick. His reply would probably be the same: “Sounds funny.”

As for the random mammogram reference in (DT)GT I suspect it’s connected to Major League Baseball’s breast cancer awareness event this past Sunday (players used pink bats and wristbands). But leave it to this strip to cheerfully ignore any exposition. Why start now?
Bitter Scribe
May 15th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

Check out how SCSC is clutching that bat. Has she ever held one before in her life?
kat
May 15th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

GT: Look how disappointed the girl on the right is that her coach didn’t tell her that she got a mammogram. I don’t know what she’s upset about. If one of my basketball coaches told me they had gotten a mammogram with empty, soulless Gil Thorp eyes, I would have sued for sexual harassment.
Paperback Rifler
May 15th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

Family Circus of the Damned: There’s probably a joke to be made about how Billy “did PJ” and exactly what was “very short” (don’t skimp on those antecedents, kids!); but I don’t want to think about it. I’d just like to point out that Billy’s forearms are looking freakishly Popeye-like today. All he needs are a pipe, a cap, a squint, and an anchor tattoo; and then it’s “boff” and it’s “wham,” unnerstan’? (Yeah, I don’t know what that last sentence means, either. Antecedents probably would have helped there as well.)

Gil ThÃ¶rp: The first panel today shows us something that we can actually use; namely, that it’s harder for people to say “no” to you if you ask them your question WHILE YOU’RE REACHING FOR A BASEBALL BAT. (Not one of those pink “breast cancer awareness” bats, though; you’ll be better off if your persuasion bat looks really manly.)
Olaf glad and big
May 15th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

slylock can’t see the alarm clock from where he’s sitting.
Taz
May 15th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

I suspect Cassandra Cat has seduced/brainwashed Slylock into becoming an accomplice to her crime.
Apparently plaid skirts are perfect for such a task, because just look at that gaze!
gkl
May 15th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

11, 130: I’m jealous. I submitted an idea to Scaduto a few weeks ago but never got any response. (I was really proud of it too: Something along the lines of “Ever notice how parents always force their kids to invite the whole class to their birthday party but when they pick their own clubs, the more exclusive the better?”)
stuck funky
May 15th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

for the love of god, will someone please tell craig macintosh at Sally Forth? to stop drawing ted’s hands. How am I supposed to take this strip seriously?
Nina
May 15th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

gkl
For the record, I love your TDIET idea.
willethompson
May 15th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

# 168 AAckTPPth: Redmullet McSweaterpuppies! I could say it all day long! In fact, I did, and boy, did I get weird looks at the Vietnamese place.
Lurkerina Snarkinovna
May 15th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

#157 buschap: Thanks for the help! I’m not currently using Firefox, but having your info for future reference is appreciated! Josh sent a link :

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/norton2006help.asp

which sure ‘nough was what I needed. Was going to jettison Norton anyway!

#164 9CL irritates me everyday.
BigBlueMonkey
May 15th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

Shylock is an ass-man. Ass-fox. Whatever.
queek
May 15th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

189: when on the job, its all about the tail.
dreadedcandiru2
May 15th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

Blondie: You know where Blondie’s ‘You got off easy in the name” argument falls through? Cookie’s older brother is named ALEXANDER!! Granted, it isn’t as common as it once was, but it beats his parents’ and sister’s name all hollow. If they lived in the UK, the name ‘Bumstead’ wouldn’t even draw too much attention.
Galactic Emperor ChennuxÂ©â„¢Â®
May 15th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE CALLED #170 AL! CHENNUX SPEAKS! AND SERMONIZES!

DO NOT MISSPELL THE ZYNEXIAN DEITY AS ‘MEKLAR’ EVER AGAIN! IT’S MELKAR, MELKARDAMMIT! HE HATES IT WHEN PUNY RACES DO THAT!

OF COURSE, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HACK A DEITY OFF, GO AHEAD AND MISPRONOUNCE PH’NGLUI MGLW’NAFH CTHULHU R’LYEH WGAH’NAGL FHTAGN! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 15th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

150, Dennis Jimenez,
DtM – Dennis is becoming increasingly less menacing – Iâ€™m starting to see him in a teddy as Riley Freemantleâ€™s bitch in juvenile detention.
I think the family’s name was just “Freeman” and to me he’ll always be “Riley Escobar.” But still, your comment is both funny and true.
AirForbes
May 15th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

Isn’t it kind of ironic, that between Funky, Foob, and (DT) Gil Thorp, the one strip that doesn’t have a medical-related storyline going this week is Rex Morgan, MD? The one strip whose title character is (ostensibly) a doctor?
Darkefang
May 15th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

#136 “Completely off topic, but I read the link to Dagobah in Wiki. Yoda hid from the Emperor because he was in a cave filled with the dark side of the Force. First, there was no cave in any movie, Yoda lived under a tree. Second, if the cave was filled with the dark side of the Force, wouldnâ€™t that hasten Yodaâ€™s discovery by an enemy who used the dark side of the Force?

No, I guess Iâ€™m not asking you to account for George Lucasâ€™s bizarre inconsistencies. I donâ€™t know why I had to get those little nits out there, though other than that when people donâ€™t think things through it bothers me.”

/nerd on

In “Empire Strikes Back,” Yoda sends Luke into the cave as part of his jedi training. That’s where he whacks Darth Vader’s head in slo-mo and sees that it is his own face behind the mask.

/nerd off
dimestore lipstick
May 15th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

177, Deborah–
“Oh my GOD who talks like that?”
When I read : â€œYet I cannot forget nor can I forgiveâ€, Abraham Lincoln springs to mind.

“The world will little note nor long remember what we say here…”
http://www.imustread.com/html/gettysburg_address_text.html
DropDeadGorgias
May 15th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

@171 – Dennis

You must have missed the fact that “A Plugger’s Sister is that Plugger’s Wife.”

BTW, I should really submit that one… the drawing alone could be great.
Mako
May 15th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

As a library science grad student, I am highly offended by Slylock Fox perpetuating the dorky, buck-toothed, rabbit librarian stereotype. I am much more of a buxom 23 year old Cassandra Cat like sex-machine, as are many of my classmates.
Ian Cameron, PhD
May 15th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

Cassandra Cat is the June Morgan of the animal world.
June Morgan's Right Boob
May 15th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

#166 Gump Worsley: Love the idea of a Hollywood live action MW.

Can anyone come up with actors who can carry of the mannish-girl, ladyish-boy look of (DT)GT(e)?…other than Tony Curtis as portraying Tony Curtis. Hope this works: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000348/
June Morgan's Right Boob
May 15th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

Huzzah! It does!
Christopher
May 15th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

Dennis The Menace: You know, the fact that the caption is a whispered aside makes it look to me like Dennis is saying “We won’t find any ‘outfielders’ in here, if you know what I mean wink wink nudge nudge”

I think maybe “outfielders” is slang for heterosexual women, but it could be anything. The possibilities are endless, eg women open to a guy-guy-girl threesome

…

Yeah, you guys who keep talking about Dennis’ sexual life? Please stop, I think I’m catching whatever you have.

Dick Tracy: OH MY GOD, STOP EXPLAINING!

Look, I could not care less about the Blue Eye of Mondazzi. After the strip where Tracy said he switched it, I wasn’t on tenterhooks thinking “But when EXACTLY did he switch it? Which of the many many opportunities he had did he use?! I can’t rest until I know!”

But there is stuff I want to know. Like, why did Queenie betray the Royal Flush gang to the police? And, more importantly, why was Facet so unconcerned about it?

The Flushers knew exactly who he was and, entirely predictably, they sang like canaries as soon as they were taken into custody.

I need this story to end so I can tell if it was really stupid, or if there’s some brilliant explanation for Facet hiring a thug to betray the other thugs working for him.

Oh, and I almost forgot, but this whole storyline started off with Facet ordering the Royal Flush gang to commit flashy crimes whose only purpose was to get Dick Tracy’s attention. I also want Tracy to explain that part.
jeff
May 15th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

#199 Glad to know you are a buxom 23-year old Cassandra Cat like sex-machine, but believe me, the librarians at my local library look more like the rabbit. Besides There’s probably a clause in Cassandras contract that dictates she never appear in the same strip with any other female of equal or greater physical beauty.
jeff
May 15th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

oooops! I meant #198
bartleby
May 15th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

I think I get (DT)GT. They’re all drag queens, like LES BALLETS TROCKADERO DE MONTE CARLO — an all-male ensemble that performs traditional ballets, with men in all the parts.

I’m so proud of myself for figuring it out.
Jamus The Bartender
May 15th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

SFx: What America needs right now is a Chicks In Prison film starring Cassandra Cat, voiced by Paris Hilton.
Or starring both.
Whichever
whoamItoday?
May 15th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

#191 in fact, you can expect 11 Bumsteads per million Brits on the electoral rolls of 1998, down from 14 per million in 1881.

per the surname profiler: http://www.spatial-literacy.org/UCLnames/Surnames.aspx
Mako
May 15th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

@203 The result of a graying profession, no doubt. But I can say that the younger generation will change things a bit. ;) Yet somehow I doubt the stereotypes will die out.
cheech wizard
May 15th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

FW – Les knows that, if he’s going to be there for Lisa, he needs to keep his own spirits up. So he tries to focus on the positive. Like the fact he’ll soon be able to have guilt-free sex with other women.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
May 15th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

141: Dean, how did you know Jerry Falwell was going to die today?
willethompson
May 15th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

#198 Mako: First, let me applaud you and your Cassandra Cat-tish colleagues and your sex machine proclivities. And if you’re into ‘leather sewn binding between the (end)sheets,’ so much the better. I only ask that when you destroy the spinsterly librarian stereotype that you leave the part when you take off your glasses to become even more ravishing.

That said, the only librarian I’ve even known well had a maliciously wicked sense of humor. Just before taking a new job, he ordered some new video titles for his very non-Mako-esque library. Hence we have the only library in the Bible Belt with a copy of David Lynch’s ‘Eraserhead.’
Dennis Jimenez
May 15th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

210: Pluggers across the nation are in mourning.

OK – I like BJ and wanking gags, but reveling in a real person’s death is in poor taste even for me.
gkl
May 15th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

Nina (186): Thanks! That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me in a month.

I’m going to stop wallowing in self-pity now.
Mako
May 15th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

williethompson: I must admit that the one stereotypical feature I have is my glasses, though I find myself quite ravishing with them on. I am lucky enough to be in NJ, but even here I am not lucky enough to have a library with a copy of Eraserhead! That is quite wicked.
MonkeyHawk
May 15th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

#212 –Dennis Jimenez wrote:

“…reveling in a real personâ€™s death is in poor taste even for me.”

Yeah. Me, too.

My grandmother taught me to say only good about the dead.

Jerry Falwell is dead.

Good.

(skulking off to the cockpit)
Dingo
May 15th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

Each time I see Grandpa Jim’s contorted face attempting to make the letter “E” I think of poor Iris and his gaping maw aimed at her personal Pittsburgh. Let’s hope their stove is electric. Otherwise, I can see her baking blue-haired bundt cake.
andreavis
May 15th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

#198 Mako– at my library school, the majority of students were middle aged broads like myself, working full-time and squeezing classes in where they could. A few of us managed to be sexy, also [wink, wink!]

#160 gkl– I’m a member of ALA! (Glad to know my outrageously high dues are going to good use.) I wanted to write my master’s research paper on the librarian stereotype, but it’s a well-covered subject in the field, so I wrote about fiction subject headings. Yes, it was as boring as it sounds.

The good news is, if anyone writes some Cassandra Cat slash fiction, I’ve got the credentials to propose a new SACO heading:

650::Sexy cats $v Juvenile fiction.

(bit of an in-joke… hey, the rabbit librarian would know what I’m talking about)
Smitty Smedlap
May 15th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

I’ve lived in Pittsburgh all my life and have never before heard the phrase “personal Pittsburgh.”

“Going down to the Point” will take on a whole new meaning for me now.
AppleGirl
May 15th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

So many funny comments today! I can’t keep up here and have a pathetic real life as well!

130 – gh – It sounds like Scaduto will use your idea! He’s already thinking about funny old-fashioned ways to draw it. How cool is that?

138 – willethompson – Your resume of Aunt Rachel is awesome. I aspire to her level. So far, I’ve only invented iPod socks.

141 – Dean Booth – Thanks. I’ve been trying not to let all this fame go to my head. The $0 paycheck helps.

160 – gkl – I spewed coffee all over my laptop at your description of the complaining librarians. I needed a new one anyway. Seriously, there’s about 6 TDIETs in there.

154 – Emporer Chennux! Glad to see you again. Of COURSE I have many shoes to go with the dress. Luv ya, big fella. I think Lynn Johnston is giving us these 2 weeks of boring Chinnuts speech therapy so we can all go shopping and get ready for the big SM wedding festivities without Lizardbreath distractions. GATHER POTATOES, EVERYONE!
Smitty Smedlap
May 15th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

There’s a gigantic fountain there, you know.
Baruch
May 15th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

177 and
196

Vera (of MW) and Honest Abe are both starting their speech with Iambs, as in Iambic Pentameter: verse that goes,
“ba-DUM, ba-DUM, ba-DUM, ba-DUM, ba-DUM”

Vera: “yet I can-NOT forGET nor CAN i for-GIVE” (okay, she contracts the “cannot,” and ends on an Anapest “ba-da-DUM” instead of an Iamb, but it’s close).

Abe: “the WORLD will LIT-tle NOTE nor LONG re-MEM-ber…”

per-HAPS we ALL may LEARN to SPEAK the VERSE
of SHAKE-speare, WORDS-worth, TEN-ny-SON, and WORTH.
MossMoses
May 15th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

I’m also trying to figure out what the hell Mary Worth is doing with Vera in panel two yesterday. It’s yet another of those physics defying images that could never happen in the real world but goes on every day in C-stone. Vera is sitting on a bench with a back on it. Mary Worth would have to either be on her knees or have her legs wrapped around Vera’s buttocks to fit behind her. Assuming Vera is still seated on the bench, how did that cavernous space between her ass and the back of the bench open up for Mary Worth to fit in? Also, if I’m reading the skewed l-r perspective properly, Vera has moved from the left to the right end of the bench between panels. Maybe she got off the bench and squatted down, head in hands and Mary is going to leapfrog over her. That is the only plausible explanation.
Dingo
May 15th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

Smitty, what a fountain! I would almost call it a “Gee!” spot.
man behind the curtain
May 15th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

MW — Coming in late but heaven forbid that whatever Von did to vera she deserved because of something she did to him that was even worse. I find it interesting that Mary doesn’t seem interested in this possibility unless of course this is just a sly interrogation tactic from the Widow Mary School of Meddling.
Groddeck
May 15th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

OK, I live in Pittsburgh and I am a librarian, so I don’t know whether to be amused, aroused or stereotyped. Anyone else in the area want to meet me at the Point for a mass cataloging orgy? And yes, that would be every bit as boring as it sounds.
willethompson
May 15th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

#217 Andreavis: Cassandra Cat SLASH fiction??? Uh, I’m no geologist, but ‘slash’ fiction for juveniles? Man, between you and Mako, I’m getting an eye-opener about librarians today.
Dingo
May 15th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

Okay, I’m catching up on five days worth of comics. First, did you know that the local paper in Reno (motto: “We capitalize the “R” so you don’t have to”) prints the comics each day in color? Yep, color.

I’m thinking that the only thing Vera could do to force Von to kick her out is that she: took his Bobby Darin albums; left his cake out in the rain; told him that he reminded her of Rolf from The Sound of Music and that she was sixteen going on seventy. Oh, wait. That’s Mary Worth.
Little Guy
May 15th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

199: No. June Morgan is the Cassandra Cat is the of the huamn world.
Little Guy
May 15th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

{Boxcar!} I hit the button too soon! Human!

Nevertheless, Cassandra Cat is somehow to blame for Jerry Falwell’s death. Not that there’s anything felonious….
Spoony Bard
May 15th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

I was reading the comments and I read a reference to today’s FOOB and I realized that, though having read it, I could not recall it in the slightest. My mind has started blocking it from my recall like a horrific memory that would be to sanity shaking to contemplate. Upon reviewing the strip I realized that thing my mind had attempt to keep hidden:

Grampa Chin-nuts will get his speach back at just the right time.

It will be at the Liz-Stache union or some-such event where he will in perfect, unbroken english say something emotional and sappy and possibly stand up and walk. Then they’ll hug. Everyone will cry. Tinkerbell will come back to life. There will be peace between Israel and Palestine. Lifetime Movies will sue for theft of intellectual property.

To psuedo-quote H.P. Lovecraft, “The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all of its contents…we live on a placid island of ignorance and it was not meant that we should voyage far.”

God, I need a drink.
Jym
May 15th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

=144= Doonesbury (Hogen Mogen): I’m very happy that the Chron doesn’t colorize the non-King Features comics. You can get colorized ones from the syndicate sites. (Click on my name for links to those.)
srah
May 15th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

Not a librarian, but I have a degree with ALA certification. I think that means I’m allowed to play one on TV.
AAckTPPth
May 15th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

187 williethompson

If there’s anything that will make me smile on a rainy day, it’s “Redmullet McSweaterpuppies” {smile}. Thank you for that one.
willethompson
May 15th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

Amused, Aroused and Stereotyped! by Mako Groddeck Andreavis

Amused, Aroused and Sterotyped! is the new slash novel for and about librarians and their hard-bound affairs. Brother Malachi from ‘The Name of The Rose’ engages Mary from ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ in a torrid affair that will crack your binding wide open! Discover the penalty for keeping it out too long! You won’t know whether to file it under 176 Ethics of sex & reproduction, 021 Library relationship or 536 Heat, but since you can’t put it down, who cares?
Hupperthwaite Spoyledd
May 15th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

NOW, SEE HERE!!

In both cases (Hugh and Roger’s) you are going on the unsubstantiated word of a single person.

A mysterious stranger who turned up suspiciously after Milton’s suspicious crash (which happened suspiciously close to his suspiciously sudden marriage to a complete nobody, an American house servant).

A demented old woman who is either hallucinating or actually being rogered (sorry Roger, old boy, absolutely no disrespect intended, what?) by her house servant, who’s moreover being replaced by a North American house servant. One who’s just performed a suspiciously convenient “rescue” of the presumptive heir to the demented old woman’s fortune and holdings?

Are we to simply SIT BACK and accept a suspiciously clear pattern of malfeasance and character assassination as the proper way to assign the inheritance of real property? Not in this man’s England (or France for that matter). I demand investigations. I demand accounting. I demand Justice! Justice, I say!

Hupperthwaite Spoyledd

Wastrel Heirs for Justice
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 15th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

I’ve been out all morning, wandering the aisles of Home Depot like a PVC zombie. Although my mind is now pretty much gone, I’ve been thinking about Von and Vonda or Vera or whatever her name is, and I’m sure that it will turn out that what she “did” to Von was just a misunderstanding, and Mary will figure it out and bring them together again, though probably not in an incestuous way.
lesles
May 15th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

MW: mary looks all set to re-enact the jedi training scene from empire strikes back where luke has to carry yoda ’round on his back.

“forgive your brother you must, or forever a prisoner of the dark side will you be … wait, wait, that’s not right. i am the dark side … hrrm hrrm, [basso] join me, vera, and together we can destroy the chinbeard and meddle charterstone together. it is your destiny … yes, that’s much better. now, lets go kill puppies. oh, and sorry about the whole cutting your hand off thing. it’s just, you kept shoving it in your crotch all the time, and it was pissing me off.”

ok, don’t know what just happened there.
Trilobite
May 15th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

235 — You know, the most disturbing thing about what you wrote isn’t that it’s plausible (because it is not only plausible, but in fact extremely likely). No, it’s that it made me realize that in my head I was just figuring that the Avery son who’s going parking with Rex was named “Roger” when in fact his name is “Hugh.”

I could offer any number of explanations for this mistake. “Roger” as a slang term to describe what Rex wants to do with him, or because Judge Parker‘s villainous son is named Roger and I can barely tell (or care) which strip I’m reading, or because I’m thinking of filmmaker Roger Avary…and actually, that’s not really the MOST disturbing thing.

The MOST disturbing thing is that I feel embarrassed by getting Hugh “Goldilocks” Avery’s name wrong. In a strip which has sucker-punched me with goofy names like “Oki Merlot” and “Landy Gentry,” there is just no goddamn reason why I should feel bad about getting one conniving blond son with an unfortunate and unflattering haircut confused with a similar character in another strip. Clearly, something has gone terribly wrong.
Jamus The Bartender
May 15th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook
Today’s Lesson: The Ol’ Gypsy Switch.
Okay, you’re going after a perp who has just stolen the Mandingo Diamond or whatever, and she’s just fallen down a tugboat smokestack. No corpus delecti, no Discovery Channel doodads, done. Now, there’s just the matter of the diamond the size of a fucking fist to deal with. Just four simple words to your promoted Chief Of Police, “Whups, I Lost It”, will get you a fine oceanfront villa upon retirement with hot and cold running college co-eds next door just looking for an experienced older male to show them the ways of the world. Because who wants to live on a pittiance of a pension in your autumn years? Not you that’s for fucking sure. By the time Infernal Affairs finds out the diamond doorknob is a fake, you’re doin’ the Cabo Wabo with Sammy Hagar, who was never as good as David Lee Roth, but he runs a damn fine rock and roll club. Support your president, he’s the only one we’ve got.
Oh, and if it’s stones and it’s stolen, Doug The Head is the one to speak to.
Dick Tracy
.
Calico
May 15th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

#141, #210 – Wow Dean, a little ESP in overdrive!

I’m sure Mallard Flippedover will have a lovely and wholly inaccurate obituary “cartoon” coming soon.
lesles
May 15th, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

hmm, all this hot librarian talk makes me think i should’ve stuck out the library studies degree instead of running off to jewellery and visual arts.
lesles
May 15th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

damn, #132 andreavis got to dagobah before me! teach me to skim sloppily from the wrong end of the comments.
Paperback Rifler
May 15th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

230. Since LJ seems all set to subject us to a very manipulative two weeks of Grandpa Jim episodes, I don’t feel so bad about entertaining a probably groundless and definitely ill-tempered suspicion that might help make Gramps’ miraculous recovery, if it does indeed come to that, a little more palatable.

My suspicion is this: Grandpa Jim is faking.

I’m not thinking that he faked the stroke, since that would be impossible to pull off unless he paid off somebody to doctor his neurological imaging tests. I think that he had the stroke and has recovered completely but doesn’t want to show that he’s recovered because then he’d have to give up his “hands-on” sessions with his attractive, young physical therapist, and he’d also have to give up meeting with his attractive, young speech pathologist and leering at her “eyes.”

It’s certainly not beyond the realm of possibility that he’s pretending to have impaired speech and / or impaired muscle movement. If you look at this recent strip, he doesn’t actually specify what it is that’s so difficult at that moment. I choose to interpret the “This” in “This is harder” as “Carrying on this charade that I’m still debilitated from the stroke when, in private, I’ve been dancing around like Donald O’Connor in that ‘Make ‘Em Laugh’ number from Singin’ in the Rain.”

Furthermore, he might be trying to milk his disability so that he can get more attention from his ungrateful daughter and her selfish family; so far he’s scored one out of five. Also, he’s free to scream profanities at his prissy grandson, which is something that Jim probably never would have done in the absence of a medical condition that he could blame.

Ooh, and you could probably tie it into the “Mike’s having a coma dream” theory. If Grandpa Jim is faking his stroke aftereffects, it might be symbolic that Mike’s brain is trying to tell him that everything that happened after the fire is also a sham. The book deal, the house trading, the Saint Michael Feast Day Celebration and Swap Meet — all are the product of a comatose mind addled by smoke inhalation and hospital anesthesia.

It really makes you think. For example, right now I’m thinking that I’ve put entirely too much thought into this. Maybe I should turn my attention to hot librarians. And did somebody say “Cassandra Cat slash fiction?” Who’s on the other side of the slash?
Cassandra Cat
May 15th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

So then I said, but Slylock, you’re wrong this time! I haven’t stolen ANYTHING!

And he just gave that little smile of his and said, “My Dear, Sweet Cassandra you couldn’t be more wrong. …”

And I was like “what? What’d I steal?”

And he said, “Only my heart, dearest, only my heart!”

Anyway, dear diary, I talked him out of $100 and 2 pounds of catnip. Aunt Kitty said crime wouldn’t pay, but Phhhhht to that!
Ned Ryerson
May 15th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

I’m a librarian and, frankly, nothing about my profession bugs me more than the trotting out of the latest example of some unflattering portrait of a librarian in a national televsion or print ad and the fretting and collective panty bunching about the state of our “professional image as portrayed in popular media depictions.” I always think, oh no, not this again, watch as my colleagues proceed to reinforce an even more damaging stereotype, that of obsessive compulsives with inferiority complexes who have zero sense of humor about themselves.

I think glk’s examples hit the nail right on the head.

Now to my colleagues and colleagues in training, I offer this advice: Go out and and actively prove your value to the community you serve (and be as sexy as you damn well want to be in the process) and don’t participate in any whining and your image will be all the stronger for it.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go clear a jam out of the copy machine, stamp a few dozen books and tell some students to get their feet off the tables.
True Fable
May 15th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

#238 Trilobite – Judge Parker has a villainous son named Roger? I knew he had a claw-workin’, playboy-wannabe and possibly gay son named Randy but I didn’t know the old bean had a bad boy in the family.

We need to see more of him, then!
GotFuzzy
May 15th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

FOOB: If the therapist is trying to get Grandpa Chinnuts to say “me” she should bring in Mike show him how it’s done. Heck, he could teach a master class on it.

I know many librarians, and none of them are be-bunned (unless it’s really hot out, and in that case it’s more of a messy up-do a la April instead of a tidy bun) or bucktoothed. Most of them do wear glasses, but like Mako they mostly look great in them. The ones that sport the cat-eye-on-a-chain look are doing it strictly in an ironic retro way.
GotFuzzy
May 15th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

Or was it glk that looked good in glasses? We have so many librarians here it’s hard to keep them straight.
Jamus The Bartender
May 15th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

245. FYI Ned, the world’s most beloved librarian, Rupert Giles, is back in Dark Horse’s Buffy Season Eight, and drinking tea and wiping his glasses as well as he ever did.
bootsybooks
May 15th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

#182, Olaf, I love an ee cummings reference! Cool name.

I have a friend who’s a librarian (and from Pittsburgh) and though she wears glasses, she’s got huge tits and a very snarky sense of humor. Wille, I’m going to have to send her Amused, Aroused and Stereotyped! She’d love it.
Anon
May 15th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

It must be that Librarians have a lot of spare time on their hands and can snark to their hearts content.

Excuse me, I have to go answer a reference question.

Sigh.

PITA patrons.
Marion Delgado
May 15th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

I must confess my faith in Batiuk is restored.

O Mighty Batiuk, I should have KNOWN THOU wert not letting Lisa off the hook, but rather dangling the little beast between THY mighty paws. Truly, the greatest cruelty is not sweet if the palate be not cleansed by false hope!

Surely – SURELY – the new treatment will need, not only the bone marrow of the nearest of relatives, but the VIRGIN BLOOD of that relative. Verily, the messenger shall arrive just as Darrin has spent himself in Jessica.

Great art THOU, Lord Batiuk. Great, and wise in THY ways.

I beseech THEE, let not Darrin arrive at Lisa’s bedside until THY affliction has put out the light from her eyes, that she may go to her death unaware her only begotten child stands near.
Jim Thorp(e)
May 15th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

Why does Gil Thorp get paid to be a coach?

Seems to me that all his pitchers knew was “throw the ball hard towards the batter.”

Clambake comes along like some Sox whisperer and the team turns things around. C’mon, Gil, you better give the guy a few bucks. Especially if you win the championship and get a big bonus.

feh
True Fable
May 15th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

#164 Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener: Oh, you READ 9CL? I must guiltily admit, I just look for the leggy fanservice it might offer. But I read it over this time and I side with you.

Oh, pity the poor ballet artiste! Whatever shall we do with her, she is so terribly undervalued by people who never have to worry about sweaty clothes of their own. People who would sincerely like to be able to do a grand jete, but would prefer it be done by someone with a little more grace than a half-squeezed-out tube of Ben-Gay. People who would rather contribute to the arts than see artists starve and not be able to sit in a corner and reflect and wonder on that.

That would be, people like me. :-)
True Fable
May 15th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

You know, when even my favorite comic 9CL can get me irritated with it, I know my snark0meter will peg out if I glance at FW or FBoFW again. I think I’ll just go lie down and rest a bit more. It’s not going so well today.
Mako
May 15th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Bed:
Whining hardly! It’s joking, and all in good fun. One must have a sense of humor in order to tell others they lack one. ;)

And to prove that, as a future librarian, I can take all in good jest, I intend to recreate the librarian rabbit, ears and all, when I have free time tommorow. You can hold me to that one!
Mako
May 15th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Ned: It would also help if I didn’t call you Bed. :)
Dingo
May 15th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

Okay, who thought that in It’s a Wonderful Life Mary was much, much hotter as the librarian than if she married ol’ George? She had that whole “we’re really just friends sharing a one-bedroom apartment together and I’ve never heard of a ‘Boston marriage’ ” countenance about her that you knew meant that once she was home she’d say her evening prayers naked with a crucifix made out of old popsicle sticks studded with thumbtacks. The Mary that would save up her money ever so carefully for a trip out of town so that she could jump up on a bar in a Tijuana tavern, lift her skirt and shout, “Behold the Black Hole of Calcutta!” (in Spanish). Mary the librarian was a good time gal wrapped up in the decorum of primness… sorta a female Jerry Falwell with smaller breasts to heave.

She’s not like that tart who got her job from an old man that left the library to the town and the books to her… that tramp, Marian Paroo.

Hmm… throughout the history of Western civilization the name Mary or a variation of such has come to mean either pure love or pure decadence: the Virgin Mary, Mary of Bethany, Mary “Party likes it’s $19.99!” Magdalene, Mary Queen of Scots, Mary (Hatch) Bailey, and Mary Worth (to name a few). You can judge a man’s character by which side of the dichotomy he places Ms. Worth.
arghous
May 15th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

After the coach is finished with her preventative maintenance, perhaps the other GT cast members might get some. Their gyroscopes or balance sensors are in need of some serious work.
Trilobite
May 15th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

246 True Fable — Judge Parker (the character) has no villainous son, of course. But Judge Parker (the comic strip) has a villainous son in it, who is currently sitting down talkin’ smack about his allegedly crazy mom and sharing mullet-maintenance tips with Abbey. (“I like to use bear grease to style mine, it gives it that stringy quality that just screams ‘roadie for Lynyrd Skynyrd.’ Plus, the NASCAR babes frickin’ love it.” “That’s cool. I usually just dump a bunch of hair dye on mine and blow dry it for like an hour.”)

You know, I don’t think I’ve ever even seen Judge Parker in his own strip. When was the last time they wheeled the old man out, anyway?
blueberry
May 15th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

Oh, Vera! Of course you can’t forgive Von for the vile, horrible, evil thing he did! He forced you to work for a living! And live in a condominium/retirement/apartment community with tidy landscaping! And attend pool parties! Curses upon you, Von!
dcrat
May 15th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

Noodlefoot and library volunteer, Josh, man you must have to beat them off with the stick!
True Fable
May 15th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

#260 Trilobite – oh! OH! Okay, I get you now.

Man, I am definitely going to need to lay down, I can’t even READ things right. Yes, Roger the blonde stringy haired mullet wearin’ asshat.

The Judge showed up late last summer I think, when Randy was thinking through his run for office. I think his last guest shot (in his own strip, ain’t that a shame?) was when Randy was going to file his papers or something, and the Judge waved a blessing at him on the street or some damn thing or other. That was this fall I think, or in JP time, four or five days ago.
Josh
May 15th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

#262 dcrat — Volunteer, hell, that was a real job! I was making mad bank, if you consider 10 cents an hour more than whatever minimum wage was at the time to be “mad bank.”

Your larger implications, though — that between 6th and 12th grade I was not tremendously popular with the ladies — is essentially correct. Of course, all those girls who never got a chance to turn me down in high school because I was too terrified to ask them out are kicking themselves now that I’m a major Internet blogging celebrity but have already been snapped up. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE, LADIES!

Josh
Ned Ryerson
May 15th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

I like how the library where Noodlefoot worked puts the high-school aged boy on perv patrol.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 15th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

249 Jamus: what is Dark Horse’s Buffy Season Eight? Where can I find it?
Josh
May 15th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

#265 Ned — I know, right? My boss apparently felt that only someone who was themselves equipped with a penis could defeat this flashing menace — perhaps she believed in a “fight fire with fire” strategy of some sort. That narrowed it down to me (aged 17) and the 87-year-old security guard — and the security guard was out that day.

Josh
cheech wizard
May 15th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

DT
- So what kind of S&M fantasy prompted the artist to go where Chester Gould could only dream of and promote Liz to chief? Chief Dominatrix, more likely. This whole episode has been an extended setup so Dick could lose the blue diamond and Liz could thrash him with her riding crop for doing so.

Bad Dick! You lost ze diamond. Now you must suffer…
Dennis Jimenez
May 15th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28547
True Fable
May 15th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

#266 O’Fogeyette -

Here’s a place and here is probably a better buy
True Fable
May 15th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

…a better buy by about thirty cents. ha!

Poke me with a fork, I’m done for today.
the victimized beaver
May 15th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

wouldn’t it have been simpler for cassandra to check out the book and never be seen again? why does she long for the attention of this detective? why doesn’t she ever ask for my briefcase? i would give it, if she would but ask!
fluffy
May 15th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

Holy crap is that second panel of Gil Thorp badly-drawn. Someone needs to take a facial anatomy lesson.
majolo
May 15th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

#8, Laura: Not enough love expressed for this awesome little film. And this is so late in the comments, probably you won’t read this. I watched it 4 times trying to read the epitaph, at which point I found out I could screencap it. Anyway, great job, I love things like this and that crazy Mary Worth movie.

On other news, you’ve all convinced me to send in my idea to TDIET too. I wonder if his load of submissions has skyrocketed with the growth of this blog?
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 15th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

True Fable: Thanks, who knew? But is it worth my while to order these? Not so much loving seasons five through seven, so will I love season eight, even if written by Joss? Also, does it explain what happened to the Angel gang down in LA?

Sorry to be so question-y, but Buffy and Angel ruled my life for a few years, and I don’t want to be let down again.
stoptheride
May 15th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

When they put the hyphen in “mammo-gram,” it makes it sound like someone sent Coach a stripper for her birthday. That explains what the “big deal” is. But what does it prevent?
Islamorada Girl
May 15th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

262–Mrs. Josh, The Lovely Amber, appears among the Cool Kids wearing Curmudgeon Gear on the left. We Cards think Josh did very well for himself in the wife department, thank you.
Islamorada Girl
May 15th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

PS. Noodlefoot! =SNERT!= Noodlefoot! Josh, does The Lovely Amber know she married a man once known to his peers as Noodlefoot? =SNERT!=
Jym
May 15th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

=v= SFx: Cassandra Cat has many charms, and I am immune to none of them, but June Morgan/Sam Hill proportions are not amongst them. Her torso has always been slim, and today it’s almost entirely hidden behind a book. So I think a number of yinz are suffering from boob-eyes (which is quite similar to chin-nuts).

=254= 9CWL: True Fable is a Plugger!
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
May 15th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

A little linguistic digression for you all:

The Comics Curmudgeon has been mentioned on Language Log before, and I know we have a lot of hyperliterate types among the commentors.

Josh’s comment at #267 is an interesting piece of evidence for the ever-increasing acceptability of singular “they”. Notice that an educated and careful user of the English language — in fact, a professional writer — produced the construction “My boss apparently felt that only someone who was themselves equipped with a penis could defeat this flashing menace”.

Since the speaker is discussing humans who have penises, he could easily have written “only someone who was himself equipped with a penis…” The fact that he didn’t is another testament to the naturalness of the singular they for many informed and educated writers.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 15th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

211 willethompson says:

#198 Mako: â€¦I only ask that when you destroy the spinsterly librarian stereotype that you leave the part when you take off your glasses to become even more ravishing.

Eons ago my sister and I snarked through a crap movie-of-the-week called â€œPretty Maids All In A Row,â€ in which the shy librarian takes off the glasses, lets down the hair, andâ€¦ va-va-va-voom! We coined the family shorthand term â€œShybrarianâ€ for the buttoned down, repressed librarian who’s on the cusp of jettisoning inhibitions.

For a point of reference, this discussion really needs Moon Mullins’s fabulous link from awhile back.

Boxcar! The link’s not going directly to Moon’s quote. It’s #335.
That's The Spirit
May 15th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Thanks, Spotted Horse!
Crankenstank
May 15th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

This is a true story: I was making gazpacho one day, with canned tomato juice, on a muggy June evening. I was barefoot. I dropped the tomato can right after emptying it, and the lid was still attached with its razor sharp edge. It glanced off my foot, and I thought, wow, could be worse. Then I noticed all the tomato juice on my foot, and realized that the tomato juice was gushing out of a two inch gash in my foot, and that I couldn’t move my toes.

Well, I’d severed the tendons on my foot. When I got to the ER, they couldn’t “fish” them out and I had to be schedule for surgery. The foot surgeon came in and I thought that, you know, all the things I told him should be truthful in the interests of my own medical destiny and that everything would be confidential.

So the next day I’m wheeled into surgery and there’s a big roomful of medical students waiting to see the operation, because it was “such a clean cut”. The surgeon then introduces me as “Gazpacho Man!” Needless to say, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and all, the nickname was pretty much all over the city within a week.

Moral # 1: lie to your foot surgeon.

Moral # 2: use real tomatoes for gazpacho.
That's The Spirit
May 15th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

#11, 59 et al-

Has anyone done the consummate meta-TDIET?

“Check it out: Scuddy the cartoonist started a one-panel that documents that crazy, irritating, ironic things people do… But hey-y-y-… wowza! Who are the only people who send him ideas, and keep the strip alive? Wellll… D’you hafta ask?? It’s snarky kids who don’t think his strip is worth a bean! Ain’t it ironic?!”
gh
May 15th, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

#11 Red Greenback, #59 MonkeyHawk, #62 Dean Booth, #64 Jamus the Bartender

My, my! Weâ€™ve got enough responses from Al here in one day to form our own basketball team. Weâ€™ve even got uniform numbers. We could call ourselves The Scadutorpedos. Take on the Milford Mudlarks.

Or form a band and call ourselves The Scadutones.

[No time to read comments! My Intertube clogged up around 9:30 this morning, so if anyone else received an AlGram, youâ€™re welcome to join.]

. . .

Since I spent all day on mandatory time out, I managed to get the comics straightened out. I present

Plan B [From Outer Space]

Our story so far . . .

Unbeknownst to Rachel, Hugh Avery has been driven around for two ~~weeks~~ hours by the Johnny Walker swilling Aldo. Meanwhile, Johnny Fever is plotting the takeover of Avery International with the compliance of his sidekick, Brynna Antynna. Little do they know that their plan to have the oxygen-deprived Lu Ann declared [non compos mentis] is being derailed by Mary Worthâ€™s power grab as she badgers Notary Public Wilber into certifying her Power of Attorney power over the erstwhile heiress-to-be Vera, sister of the discomaniacal Von, cut down in his prime by an unfortunate encounter with a freakish ubiquiduck strike, led by legendary folk singer Woody â€œClambakeâ€ Guthrie singing â€œWe Shall Not Be Quacked.â€

As he falls, Von shouts, â€œRoger, it was all momâ€™s fault!â€ Roger turns to Hugh and exclaims, â€œVon was right. Mother made us what we are â€“ dissolute, shaggy reprobates. Why did she hide the shampoo? And the comb? Why did she insist we only go to CostCuttersâ„¢, and only twice a year when they sent out their Val-Pakâ„¢ coupons?â€

Hugh looks away, then fixing his gaze upon his brother with a penetrating stare, through clenched teeth hisses, â€œForget about Mother, Roger. Sheâ€™s down the smokestack and our fealty lies with another now. Only Gabriella, the Moon Screamer, has the cheekbones to save us.â€

Suddenly, unexpectedly, perhaps unfairly, gh hands off the narrative to stinky pete . . .

See you tomorrow!
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 15th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Dean Booth: If inverting Clambake’s head for comedic purposes is wrong, I don’t want you to ever be right.

One can’t appreciate how much one craves the satisfaction of seeing Clambake’s head pulled until one sees it done properly.
Dean Booth
May 15th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

#210 Chet: I think Falwell died because God was mad at America. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, Jerry Jenkins, Ray Burns — all of them who have tried to secularize America — I point the finger in their face like Gary Dent and say “you helped this happen.” They made God mad, and so he killed Falwell.
Dean Booth
May 15th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

#286, thanks Spotted. When I created that, only I and God knew what I was thinking. Now only God knows. [/Rober Browning]
Dean Booth
May 15th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

*Robert
.Doc
May 15th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

OK, I give up. I think I’ve been tracking the acronyms attached to the various comic strips fairly well, but (DT) GT doesn’t make the little light bulb in the balloon above my head light up. I’m almost certain that the “GT” part is Gil Thorp, but the only thing I can ascribe to (DT) (usually parenthesized) is Dick Tracy, and I don’t see the connection between the two. Help me out here.
Gabe
May 15th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

Damn That Gil Thorp(e), a common question for an ancient in joke.
Dr. Enigma
May 15th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

Today’s Gil Thorp illustrates exactly what happens when you introduce a strong black manâ€”even a Kindly Magical Negroâ„¢ like Clambakeâ€”to such a whitebread strip. Ken’s starting to come over all gangsta with his heartfelt “Heck no!” Next thing you know he’s flashing gang signs and teaching the girls’ basketball team how to booty drop. Considering the mannequin-like world of GT, that thought fills me with a terror unlike any known to man.
Josh
May 15th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

#290 .Doc — it’s “(Death To) Gil Thorp,” a fatwa issued by our own Islamorada Girl some time ago and long remembered and cherished. This question gets asked a lot, but it’s awful funny in the retelling, so I don’t mind.

Josh
.Doc
May 15th, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

#293 Josh – Thanks for the quick reply. That post is less than five minutes old! It explains a lot, and I wholly agree with the sentiment.
.Doc
May 15th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

#293, 294 Josh — I just noticed that the time stamps on the post are an hour earlier than my local time, which is Eastern Daylight Time. Is your server operating in the Central Time Zone by any chance?
Josh
May 15th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

#280 Skullturf — it’s funny you bring that up, since I actually spent a bit of energy thinking about that pronoun choice. First off, I really have no problem using singular “they” in casual conversation or correspondence, and I acknowledge that it’s a pretty natural part of English as she is spoke, though I am just fussy enough that when I’m actually editing something for money, I try to rework sentences to both be gender neutral and avoid the singular they or the dreaded “he or she.” Anyhoo, when I was writing my little tale above, I thought that it would be funnier to identify someone’s gender by referring to “someone equipped with a penis” rather than just a boring “man” or “male” (or in my case, at the time, “awkward, fuzzy-cheeked man-boy”, but I digress). But putting “himself” in advance of the penis bit would, I judged kind of ruin the surprise when the joke was encountered. Basically I wanted the sentence to convey “You know, it could be anyone! …with a schlong” and decided to run with the singular they despite my hesitation about it.

Josh
Don, the Rebel Without a Blog
May 15th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

Wasn’t Noodlefoot one of Clambake’s teammates?
SecretMargo
May 15th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

Josh: I’m no freelance editor, but can you fix the italicized typo below Cassandra’s fabulosity? I usually fix these things in my head and they don’t bother me, but for some reason “every sextaculous” really throws me, probably because the joke relies on the ever … ever repetition.

Okay, now I can’t decide if the last word in the sentence above is spelled right. [Boxcar]. The best way to achieve paralyzing neurosis is to correct someone else’s spelling.
Josh
May 15th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

#295 .Doc — I think that my server timestamp failed to spring ahead when Daylight Savings came in. I sort of assumed that it just hadn’t been patched to conform to new, improved Daylight Savings Time, but I’m pretty sure that the original date has also passed and it still hasn’t caught up. All that is I think determined by my Web host, so I’m not sure what to do about it.

Josh
Dean Booth
May 15th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

#280, 296. All through high school, my son has used “him” to refer to guys and “they” to refer to girls. Once after using “they” in obvious reference to a girl, he actually said “Isn’t it interesting you can use a plural pronoun to refer to a single person.” He’s very smart for a crazy person.
Josh
May 15th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

#298 SecretMargo — GAH! I can’t believe nobody pointed that out before now. I fixed.

In my defense, it’s a lot harder to edit your own writing for typos than it is to edit someone else’s, since you know what it looks like in your head and all. That’s what I tell myself during the daily humiliations of obvious typos on this site, anyway.

Josh
Harold
May 15th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

Please, somebody tell me the man in Ballard Street isn’t trying to lift that “Human Dynamics” book lying open on his groin with his penis. Please. Anybody.
boofuu
May 15th, 2007 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

Long time poster, first time reader. One of the online comics I read made a reference to Mark Trail word bubbles. I would have never gotten the joke if I had not stumbled onto this site.
Allie Cat
May 15th, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

Back from ten days overseas and away from my beloved funny papers. I will admit that I cheated once and checked foob.com on 5/5 see the denouement of the Angsthony/Liz wedding escort debacle. At Josh’s suggestion, I bought a Herald Trib one day, but they have mostly crap comics – Wizard of Id, anyone?

Now I’m more or less caught up, so rather than backtrack, I’ll pick up with today’s strips.

Namely- why are we spending two weeks on Grandpa Jim’s aphasia? We get it. He can’t talk very well – you’re beating a dead boxcar.

Also, all our held mail came today. I called my husband on the way home from work to ask about a check I was expecting and he said, “Hey do you know someone named Al Scaduto?”

I came home to find my own personally signed copy of the idea I submitted in March – the date on the strip indicates it’s running on 7/16.

I actually went to Office Depot and bought a frame for it. Does that position me for excommunication from this site?

Maybe his strip isn’t the best in the world, but I have more respect for him than I do for, say, Lynn Johnston. I mean, he could have cribbed the idea and never said a word back to me. Or he could have told me it was a dumb idea.

But in my book, he’s ook ook ooka-ook OK! And I mean, but good!
odinthor
May 15th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

#302 — Harold — You got something against dick-tation, man?
SecretMargo
May 15th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

301: Believe me, I know what you mean. And besides, you have all of us watching out for you. Imagine us all staring fixedly at you as you write like ten thousand Slylocks, our legs crossed and our faces evacuated of affect. And now try to get to sleep tonight.
boofuu
May 15th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

Oops, I cannot code that would be
fizzy logic
May 15th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

My, I’m so late in trying to catch up, but at least I’m in my comfort zone, the 300′s…

#37 – O’Fogeyette – I thoroughly and heartily agree with your choice in what you are wearing (and are bringing) to the wedding. I hadn’t thought of bringing my own liquor, but now that I think about it, it WOULD be that type of wedding where they’d stiff you on the drinks. I’m bringing my own booze too, and getting schnockered beforehand. I’ll have to, to be seen in the dress I’ve picked out. Anyhow, this is about you, and I think you’ll look fabulous.

#98 & #154 – AppleGirl and GE Chennux – I have potatoes and I’m not afraid to use them! Looking forward to seeing the Gremlin gang there. Sure wish we knew when this stupid wedding was going to be!

#153 – Calico – That’s not me. As long as I’ve been paying attention around here, only ElSanto and I have disclosed our Seattle location. I don’t think that’s him, either. I know there are more Mudges around Seattle, they just haven’t been vocal about it (lately, so’s I’d remember).

Josh, you do realize that from now on, you will be Noodlefoot around here as well, don’t you? I had a friend in Jr. High burn herself the same way (with Top Ramen) – it wasn’t the soup/water so much as the melting of her socks onto her skin (and the removal of those socks). Wasn’t pretty – sorry, Noodlefoot.
ianscot
May 15th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

Michael Scott. Foot in the George Foreman grill.
Dean Booth
May 15th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

#304, Allie Cat — “excommunication”? Oh, to the contrary, that’s a step toward sainthood. Congrats!

Several of us received emails from Scaduto on Monday saying he’d consider our ideas. We all hope to reach such lofty heights.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
May 15th, 2007 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

I mock TDIET, but it’s very affectionate. I wouldn’t have taken my screen name from the strip if I didn’t ultimately enjoy it when it comes down to it.

The strips that I truly detest, I tend not to comment on at all. It might be a bit like Weird Al Yankovic — would he put all that time and energy into writing alternate lyrics for songs he genuinely hated?
Lammergeier13
May 15th, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

Way to go, Allie Cat! I am teh jealous.
Ukulele Ike
May 15th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

HEY, NOODLEFOOT!

Twenty-four hours-plus! Times for a new posting!

(Thanx & a tip o’ the hat to #308.)
Red Greenback
May 15th, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

#304, Allie Cat â€”I second DB’s emotion. Me and me bandmates in the Scadutones are so jealous…and so proud of you! (obligatory Oh-h-h, Yea-a-a-h-h-h!)
Squid Countess
May 15th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

Re: Al Scaduto Writes Back – I guess you’ve noticed Al has 2 responses. Response # 1 says, “Thanks.” Response # 2 says, “Thanks, and if you have any more ideas, send them to me.” I got response #1. Red Greenback got response #2. The ugly head of jealousy’s rear has come between me and Red. =)
TB Tabby
May 15th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

I sent a suggestion to Scaduto once. He said he wouldn’t get it past the censors.
Red Greenback
May 15th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

Nah-ah, Squid Countess @ #315, Mr. Scaduto wrote me:

Thanx for your Kamikaze Class idea. I’ll let you know if I can use it.
In
the meantime, if you have any other ideas, just shoot ‘em along to me.

Best ever,
Al Scaduto
Jamus The Bartender
May 15th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

266. It’s actually a comic book series called Buffy The Vampire Slayer which picks up where the tv show left off. Joss Whedon is writing the first four issues, and it’s pretty good, any decent comic book shop should have it.
Islamorada Girl
May 15th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

You all do know that Scaduto deliberately uses that whole retro style, don’t you? You understand he’s consciously aware that his artwork looks as if it was done ca. 1945? It’s a sort of tribute to the late Jimmy Hatlo. And he seems like a nice man.

The Queen of Foobville, on the other hand, maybe not so nice. I am looking forward to wearing my daffodil yellow polyester taffeta and tulle trimmed with Da- Glo pink butt bow and sash, standing proudly next to Emp Chennux, handing him the potatoes to hurl at the wedding party. Maybe I can get really smashed at the cash bar and drive the Gremlin into the Graceland Versailles Tiki Reception Palace at the crucial moment when Lizthony’s are about to kiss behind the potted palm.
Len
May 15th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

#269 — A fecal felon! Quckly, Dr. Watson, help me take a sample. Is DNA testing of everyone in the office the next step?

They’re lucky it’s IN the toilet! I worked a location where there was poop on the bathroom floor!
Red Greenback
May 15th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

Oh and also, beside being a nice bloke, Al’s a businessman, so don’t think for a minute Al doesn’t keep every single suggestion that’s mailed to him to use at later date with a few HOWZATs and THE URGE TO embellishments.
If, God forbid, Mr. Scaduto’s life comes to an end, best beleive he has those gems in a safe deposit box in Milford that can only be accessed by his daughters, Loopina and Migraina Jr.
Dean Booth
May 15th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

#286 Spotted Horse, You convinced me to silence my inner critic and do this. In other words, it’s your fault.

btw, It’s based on Wednesday’s GT, which is hysterical and cannot be improved upon. I think the DT in (DT)GT stands for Dir-T.
Len
May 15th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

#296 — And if the flasher had exposed himself, Josh, what did they expect you to do? Drop trou and show yours? (Well, you must’ve had quite a reputation for a fuzzy cheeked man-child!)

It’s the red hair down there, isn’t it? Always impresses.
fizzy logic
May 15th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

I think some respect has been earned and is due. Pope Noodlefoot it is, then.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 15th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

#19 Islamorada Girl:

You all do know that Scaduto deliberately uses that whole retro style, donâ€™t you? You understand heâ€™s consciously aware that his artwork looks as if it was done ca. 1945? Itâ€™s a sort of tribute to the late Jimmy Hatlo. And he seems like a nice man.

Thanx and a tip o’ the hat for the reminder. I’ve enjoyed bagging on Al’s patter, but the comics page would be diminished without him.

Boring anecdote:
I remember my first encounter with an old Hatlo TDIET. This cartoon kept the family in stitches during the entire vacation. It went, “WHYIZZIT?…. coldest day… wanna cuppa java… coffee shop CLOSED? (picture of a guy huddled up in a snowdrift, staring balefully at locked door)
… BUT… hottest day? WH-H-APPEN? YOU GUESSED IT!! (picture of panting guy, tongue hanging out, leaning against bar, staring at cold beer sign)

This in the late seventies. My dad was really tickled by that panel because it was so singlemindedly uncool and retro. Good times!
Galactic Emperor ChennuxÂ©â„¢Â®
May 15th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! RECTUM SQUINTING IS NOW IN ORDER! CHENNUX SPEAKS TO THE ONE CALLED ILSAMORADA GIRL, re: COMMENT #319!

FORGET THE CASH BAR! CHENNUX IS BYOB FROM ZYNEX ALONG WITH THE OFFERINGS SUGGESTED BY THE ONE CALLED POTEET! ISLAY SINGLE MALTS AND CRXNOR HYPERETHANOL ARE IN THE GREMLIN’S HATCH, COOLED IN LOX (THE ATMOSPHERE, NOT THE SALMON) WITH MIXERS! CHENNUX HOPES YOU LIKE GRANNIX PHLEGM DISTILLATE! IT’S LIKE EARTHER ORANGE JUICE, BUT WITH HALF THE CALORIES! AND IT’S NOWHERE NEAR AS BITTER AS VERA FROM MW! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!
fizzy logic
May 15th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

Actually, I’ve been meaning to bring this up for a while – we’ve got some people here that have been published in Pluggers and TDIET, and that’s quite an accomplishment. But here’s another – I know this isn’t something we regularly discuss, but we certainly have people funny enough for it – howzabout the New Yorker cartoon caption contest? That would be pretty cool!
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 15th, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

As a follow-up to Josh’s #264, I’d just like to point out that the Artist is still on the market. And priced to move.
Anonymous
May 15th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

285: Scadutones? Nah, you should all form a ska band, that way you could call yourselves Ska-Duto.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 15th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

#322 Dean Booth: Tears squirted from my eyes! The implacable acorn gang just slays me. Clicking between the original bland, friendly, well meaning faces and the new inscrutable nuthead gang just makes it better.

Allow me to raise a glass to your scissor running moment.
Allie Cat
May 15th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

#327 – Fizzy – would that I were that clever! I’ve entered once or twice, but when I read the nominees and winners, I’m almost always astounded at how right on they are.

A lot of it has to do with the cartoonist. I totally “get” the editorial voice of Charles Barsotti, so I think his would be the easiest – or at least, the most fun.

There’s a book out now of rejected New Yorker cartoons – I saw it at the bookstore and laughed til it hurt – they’re mostly rejected because they’re too graphic or dirty or whatever. Hilarious.
Bob
May 15th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

Why do black people in the Gil Thorp universe look so shiny?
andreavis
May 15th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

#234 willie, I love it when you talk Dewey to me…
Red Greenback
May 15th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

176-Gabe-Thanx for the song parody tips!
In the absence of weights, I am employing tip â„– 2 “TV Themes”

Ladies and Gentoids, I give you the new and improved lyrics for the 60′s TV western “Sugarfoot”

Noodlefoot, Noodlefoot, pasta droppin’, painful hoppin’ Noodlefoot,
Chicken soup’s not always good for what ails ya,when your grip on the saucepan handle fails ya.

Noodlefoot, Noodlefoot, never underestimate a Noodlefoot,
Once he got his foot seen to, the “boiling water” sham fell through.

How can you fry your tootsie by pep squaddin’
You should have said your firewall blew out when you were hot roddin;

Noodleoot, Noodlefoot, pasta droppin’, painful hoppin’ Noodlefoot,
Limpin’ thru the high school quad, his fellow students point and knowingly nod.
“Why did I say chicen soup?” Noodlefoot.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 15th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

#322 Dean Booth: Oh jeez… sorry for describin’ what shoulda been left for clickin’.
Red Greenback
May 15th, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

327-fizzy logic-I dunno…the New Yorker cartoon caption contest is setting the bar pretty high! Submitting some really out there ideas to the “Doggone funny” feature in the Sunday Marmaduke is more my cuppa’.
Fred P.
May 15th, 2007 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

Well, I for one have learned a lesson today about librarians and stereotypes! Next time I toodle over to the libe, a copy of Krazy Kat won’t be the only thing I’m checking out!
LouieLouie
May 15th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

Ah Josh, a chicken soup burn… mine was a cream-of-wheat burn while I was in college. I was able to get around with my shoe unlaced, so it wasn’t as noticeable. There are still people who knew about it who will suddenly mutter “cream-of-what burn” when they see the scar and chuckle. Still, I think I prefer that to cheerleading.
King Folderol
May 15th, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

SF – If your security system is nothing more than a rabbit with glasses and a glass case, you deserve to have all the books in your library stolen.

MW – We all know that Mary Worth is secretly a man so it’s possible that, yes, she’s mounting Vera. However, I believe that for all her meddling tendencies, she really isn’t comfortable with physical contact and this sad display is the best she can do.

GT (DT) – Forked balls pretty much ruin your entire sex life; a little ice might numb the physical pain, but the psychological pain will stay with you forever.
AppleGirl
May 16th, 2007 at 1:50 am [Reply]

304 – Allie Cat – Wow, that’s so cool! Congratulations to you, and I can’t wait to see your TDIET on July 16. I like Scaduto too. I like the fun he obviously has with his drawings. And look how hard the man works: he creates his comics 2 MONTHS in advance.

It really does seem like the CCers are writing a lot of TDIETs. I can just see Al checking joshreads.com every day and laughing his ass off. “Hey, you write ‘em, I’ll draw ‘em…oh YEAH!”
Frank Parsnip
May 16th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

Slylock Fox: This is just my guess, but I bet Cassandra Cat has sized up the librarian bunny, whose enormous glasses and frizzy hair just scream “never been kissed”. The sex of the librarian is indeterminate (let’s just call him/her/it “Pat” for simplicity), but that won’t matter. Cassandra will simply wait until right before closing, flirt with Pat the bunny a bit — and then persuade the damn 1st edition right away from him/her/it.

Slylock won’t be able to do anything about it because it will be after hours … when pretty much anything goes in the restack room.
kostia
May 16th, 2007 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

I worked in the library in high school too! They were allowed to pay less than minimum wage for some reason. I think I made $2.93 an hour.
mlstrm
May 16th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

Did anyone notice that today’s Garfield was almost identical to the Barfield parody link posted about a month or so ago? I wonder if Mr. Davis actually saw the site and started using ideas from it. Just a thought.
Tom
May 18th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

I just read your page for the first time. (I was recommended here by Ryan R of LiveJournal.)

Your comments under Mary Worth for this day had me laughing out loud in front of my computer–and that almost NEVER happens. So thanks! :)
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