The Comics Curmudgeon

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Cancer storylines metastasize

Gil Thorp, 5/19/07

Everyone who’s been whining about how relentlessly depressing and maudlin Funky Winkerbean’s cancer storyline may change their tune once they get a load of Gil Thorp’s frenzied, hard-to-follow take on the same material. My guess is that Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp is not, in fact, being told that she has cancer — the “bad news” will be that her insurance co-pay has gone up from $20 to $40 or something — but her student will spread the news to her squabbling teammates that Coach is on death’s door, and hilarious lesser-Shakespeare-comedy-of-misunderstanding-style hijinks will ensue, interspersed among Clambake’s down-home, vaguely racially offensive antics. It’ll be all cleared up right around the time the Lady Mudlark softball team gets bounced in the second round of the playdowns, and we’ll all learn a valuable lesson: namely, that nobody you actually know will ever get cancer.

Meanwhile, nobody will pay attention to the emotional and physical scars left by the vicious monkey attack on Blondie McWhatshername in panel three. The sinister simian has already clawed off most of her nose, and now it’s coming back for more.

Blondie, 5/19/07

It was distressing enough to learn that the Bumsteads’ neighborhood is full of vicious feral dogs who travel under the cover of night. Now we see that even the day isn’t safe, as this middle-school mafia travels from house to house demanding cash for work they don’t perform. The suburbs are even more terrifying than I could have imagined!

Apartment 3-G, 5/19/07

Some might argue that the revelation that Lu Ann’s veins are filled not with blood but some viscous black fluid indicates that she’s a robot, which would go a long way towards explaining her limited emotional range and general dimness. I prefer to believe that she’s been possessed by the X-Files’ black oil, and that “Albert Pinkham Ryder” is an avatar of the alien invasion force that’s been forcing her to paint endless numbers of boring fern watercolors to advance their sinister and inscrutable plans. In makes as much sense as anything else, which is to say: none at all.

9 Chickweed Lane, 5/19/07

A lot of people have been kvetching about this week’s 9 Chickweed Lane, in which Edda waxes maudlin about how nobody seems to understand the difference between being a dancer and being a professional dancer. As a non-traditional-job-having type myself (though my wife informed me this weekend that I did not actually qualify as “funemployed,” as much as I might like the word), I had a bit more sympathy than most, but even I was finding it pretty wearisome by the end … until suddenly it turned into Edda wearing short shorts and encountering a centaur, or unicorn, or something in the middle of a New York City park, and BAM! HOW YA LIKE ME NOW? It’s totally insane and doesn’t make any sense, but at least it’s more fun that Lu Ann’s leaky, addled skull.

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 20, 2007 at 02:30 pm and is filed under 9 Chickweed Lane, Apartment 3-G, Blondie, Gil Thorp.

58 responses to “Cancer storylines metastasize”

willethompson
May 20th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

Uh, Josh… something about ‘barky stick photos?”
Josh
May 20th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

Patience grasshopper! I don’t want to stack metaposts. There’s more bloggin’ to do this afternoon, I assure you…

Josh
Dean Booth
May 20th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

I just posted this at the end of yesterthread:

MT: One more for Calico: Rustyhogs!
willethompson
May 20th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

Y’know, I once had a 1994 Ford truck that both sounded and leaked oil like Lu Ann. I’m guessing Lu Ann also gets crummy mileage and has a rusted undercarriage.
Reepicheep-chan
May 20th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Cannot be a unicorn, they have cloved hooves. Probably a donkey. Or perhaps a zebra.
Weasel Boy
May 20th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Is LuAnn’s scream falling out the window without LuAnn? Somebody missed a rehearsal.
Esophagus
May 20th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

9CL: I sincerely hope that she met a satyr, because there’s only 3 things that satyrs like:Wine, Women, and Song.
BigTed
May 20th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

“9 Chickweed Lane”: “A pair of hooves”? Centaurs have four hooves, right? From the picture, it looks as if he must be standing on his hind legs, which means his front hooves must be at Edda’s chest level. We can only wonder what he’s doing to her with those hooves — as well as with his human hands — as she stands before the man-beast in apparent sexual thrall.
Yahtzee
May 20th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

What is this “EEEEEEE” sound LuAnn is making as she falls? Surely that cannot be a cry for help; even “Apartment 3G” can simulate human emotion better than that. Well, sometimes. Did some let the helium out of her head?
Citric
May 20th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

GT: I don’t actually see a phone anywhere, so she’s clearly gone totally insane. But then again, judging what’s happening from the art in Gil Thorp is like explaining quantum physics through interpretive dance.
East
May 20th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

That is clearly the devil’s hooves.
Adam
May 20th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

MT: Am I the only one who doesn’t remember A Flock of Seagulls getting sucked into an engine? You’d think they would have “I Ran” away.
Jym
May 20th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

=v= 9CWL: You know, I’ve been to Damrosch Park with something that was horselike and not a horse, and it drew the unwanted attentions of the NYPD. Incidentally, that park is very close to Lincoln Center, where just about everyone is a professional dancer and knows the value of professional dancing.
Squid Countess
May 20th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Hey, WilleThompson – Did you make that up, in a yesterthread, about “Zen koans in a fountain”? Bwahaha! So clever. I know no one in my carbon-based life who is familiar enough both with Zen koans and the song/movie Three Coins in a Fountain to find it funny, so I’ve no one to tell it to. (At least, I assume that’s the connection. That’s why I found it funny.) Thank God for this site, where the strange and wonderful roam freely.
Gabe
May 20th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Adam: You and about 15 people who made that joke.
MossMoses
May 20th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

3. Dean Booth – masterpiece! I’ve pasted Rusty’s head onto a horse body before centaur style, but that was the pre-rodent Rusty. He was still a little freak back then but not quite as inbred as he looks now.

As waspy and whitebread as Mary Worth is, it would be more apropo if she actually said, “Confucious say, no tickie no laundlee”. Ancient Chinese secret, huh? She’s about as in tune with Asian culture as Oki Merlot.
Trotzenbonnie
May 20th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

Thanks to all of you who remembered Clutch Cargo so I didn’t have to!
My dog never lets me down and neither do you guys. Excuse me…I have (sniff) something in my eye….

After Lisa’s debacle and now Mrs. Coach, the hospital will have to change the name of that department to Radieulogy…
VALIS
May 20th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

I agree with poster #5 that the hooves are most likely a donkey’s.

Since there is only a pair of hooves, I have to come to the conclusion that one evening of a late summer day, Edda found herself shedding the tensions of rehearsal by meeting a piece of ass in a secluded park.
spackles
May 20th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

I’ve been working my way through the X-FIles on DVD (never watched it much the first time around). There are a disturbing number of things in the comics that can be explained by the X-files, not just Lu Ann’s black head oil. Wasn’t there a community of aliens living somewhere in the U.S.? And wasn’t there a story about an alien who was obsessed with baseball? Sounds like Milford to me. The comics page also has its very own Cancer Man: Tom Batuik.
Anonymous
May 20th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

(DT)GT: “So you’re telling me that I’ve been on hold for an hour and the radiologist is actually gone for the weekend? I haven’t heard such bad news in days!”

A3G: . . . AND . . . Oh, who cares?
Anne
May 20th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

not to be pedantic, but if “a pair of hooves” was standing in your path, I don’t think it would be a mule or a centaur or whatever. that would be “something with a pair of hooves”. I’m imagining two giant hooves — maybe with legs of their own. With hooves on them.

hooooooooves! what a weird word.
Lynngineering
May 20th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

A3G: Luann, a comic character, has finally wandered too far over the edge of the strip (and out of the way of any interesting storyline) in her quest to try and figure out what stuff her dreams are made of. She hit reality hard, and got her answer: black ink.
willethompson
May 20th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

#14 Squiddy Yes, ‘zen koans’ was a miniparody on ‘Three coins’ even if I put in an unneeded apostrophe. Thanks for catching the reference. The reason I post here is that subtlety is appreciated, if not always spelled and punctuated correctly.
Power of 1000 Lemons
May 20th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

The problem isn’t even so much what Edda’s whining about, it’s the way McEldowney writes it. Josh’s “Yes, you can draw. No, you can’t write.” of a few months ago is hideously apropos. I spent a long time looking past the ridiculous pretension of his work, but it’s just impossible at this point.
SecretMargo
May 20th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

24: Power: I think that was during Uncle Lumpy’s fill-in week, so it’s not Josh’s sentiment neccessarily. Though it is certainly many of ours, including mine.

Incidentally, I’ve been wondering: is your nom de blog a reference to the fabulous Japanese beverage CC Lemon, which I miss more than life itself these days (Orangina is a good subsitute, but too classy and organic. I crave the chemical tang of a good Japanese-style hyperfood)?
SecretMargo
May 20th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

25: Whoops! It looks like the official slogan is 70 lemons per bottle. Nostalgia magnifies everything. But still: that’s what I think of whenever I see your moniker.

Check it out: http://www.suntory.co.jp/softdrink/cclemon/
Anonymous
May 20th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

You’ve done it again, Josh. You keep saying “playdowns” as if the last time you payed attention to team sports at any level was 1938. We call them “playoffs” here in the good old US of A (although, when speaking of high school sports, you are more likely to hear “state tournament”).
pesch
May 20th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

Yes, Anonymous, but Josh is merely quoting (DT)GT. You’d understand that if you had read GT. You’d also be insane, but that’s beside the point.

Like some of the other posters, I read “a pair of hooves” as meaning that Edda is encountering something other than a quadruped. I’m breathless with …. anticipation to see on McE’s site, a week from now, the uncensored version of what she met.
Squid Countess
May 20th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

#9 Yahtzee says, What is this â€œEEEEEEEâ€ sound LuAnn is making as she falls? …. Did some let the helium out of her head?

“Yahtzee!”
Rusty
May 20th, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

9CL: Edda is about to get some heavy lovin’ from a satyr, but she will swiftly quench his lust by nattering on about whether what she does is a “job”. Isn’t she supposed to be a virgin? What would be really telling about Mceldowney (sic, whatever) is if the half-beast has the author’s own visage.
Buck Ripsnort
May 20th, 2007 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

Luanne does a half-twist in mid-air, performing what skaters call a triple-clutz.
Buck Ripsnort
May 20th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

And Blondie Badlydrawn is holding her face like that because Mrs. Coach just cut an SBD.
kurt
May 20th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

Ahh.. Xfiles Black Oil answers the A3G mystery.

As to Garbiella’s Sunday Edition cry ” That was a Scream! Oh, Blessed Mother, send me Help, NOW !”;

1. Hearing the scream, Adam rushes on scene, breaks down the door, grabs LuAnn in arms, Kisses her, she awakens like Sleeping Beauty, they marry, raise kids..etc.

2. Hearing the screams, Adam rushes in, skids on oily patch, slams in to Gabriella, careening both into path of speeding Gasoline tanker, which flattens both before veering into LuAnn studio blowing everything up,

3. The Ghost, lurking nearby, now does Exorcist bit, takes unconscious LuAnn over and turns her into a painting machine. When Gabriella finally gets into building, LuAnn whacks her silly with one of the artworks.

4. Gabriella begans singing a musical number, similar to M.Pythons’ “Bright Side of Life”, reviving LuAnn, restoring the paintings, and bringing song and dance to end the story in a haze of sunny skys, chirping birds, and other pleasant things.
Wellsey
May 20th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

So two hoofers meet in the park, big deal!
Dr. Mad
May 20th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Say, what gives? Granted these strips are all worthy objects of fear and loathing and snarkiness, but how can anyone miss out on the Forths once again engaging in hot, monkey love? As near as I remember [don't want to hunt through the recycle bin ] Sally ” So, you’re as bored as I am” Ted “Yep, let’s go MAKE STRUDEL!” [emphasis added] Also, because I go right by there – there NEVER was a time when Ellie de Foob was young, beautiful and exciting -when I said this to my husband he answered “Hey Patterson is a dentist not an optometrist.”
Dr. Mad
May 20th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

Say, what gives? Granted these strips are all worthy objects of fear and loathing and snarkiness, but how can anyone miss out on the Forths once again engaging in hot, monkey love? As near as I remember [don't want to hunt through the recycle bin ] Sally ” So, you’re as bored as I am?” Ted “Yep, let’s go MAKE STRUDEL!” [emphasis added] Also, because I go right by there – there NEVER was a time when Ellie de Foob was young, beautiful and exciting -when I said this to my husband he answered “Hey, Patterson is a dentist not an optometrist.”
Dr. Mad
May 20th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

OOPS, sorry -computer acting wierd today so posted twice -please forgive. Especially liked “two hoofers met in park.” p.s. satyrs do not have horse hooves -they have goat hooves [as does Old Scratch] – kelpies have horse hooves and “enormous schweinstuckers”, but they are unlikely to be in New York, since they hang around in the Hebrides Islands.
King Folderol
May 20th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

GT (DT) – Is “ice pack for my shoulder” lesbian code for “sex with the coach?” Why wouldn’t the student with the 1950s hairdo go to the nurses’ office or something? Hmmmm?

Blondie – I could be wrong, but is this the first minority in the history of “Blondie”?
bats
May 20th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

Dr. Mad is correct. Satyrs have cloven hooves (the mayor in Pibgorn is correctly drawn in that aspect), and the devil either has cloven hooves, or in some cases, one cloven hoof and one human foot (ooooh, creepy!).

Maybe this is a silenus, similar to satyrs and fauns in that they are two-legged, but based on horse bits.

Isn’t it amazing how scholarly we can be on things that don’t exist? ;)
bats
May 20th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

And a Mary Worth alert! The Arizona Daily Star is dropping the strip from its lineup (”it has no following” –no! really?), but mentioned that it will continue to the carried until June 9, when the current story line is completed.

So, while MW isn’t quite put out to pasture like the Foobites (actually, marching them to the abattoir sounds infinitely more satisfying), this latest Vera Volume seems to be winding down.

Of course, Dick Tracy continues to go on and on about doorknobs probably until mid-July or so…
genevieve
May 20th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

Having been a dancer myself, I kind of liked Edda’s existential dance-as-profession quandry this week. But the strip lost me at the hooves.

Of course, now that I found out that Brooke McEldowney is a guy and not a girl, 9CL makes a lot more sense.
lurker
May 20th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

re: 6 CWL somehow she seems to have wandered into a park with a floor and a wall (unless there is another way to explain the sharp line of the ground and changed angle of the shadow).
Rusty
May 20th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

Have you heard about Edda’s new boyfriend? He’s hung like a horse!
Edgy DC
May 20th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

I must be wrong, but is that the first character of African descent to appear in Blondie?

And he’s a pint-sized con man?
Donny
May 20th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

I like to think that whatever mythical and possibly monstrous creature Edda just met up with it’s reaction to her is “Jesus you’re hideous”.
Scud
May 20th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

#41
Yeah, but why can’t Edda just be happy to have a job that most folks would consider fun. If I ever get to make rocking a full time job, I won’t care what people think. I’ll just grab my bass and smugly say “I’m going to work.”
9CL makes even less sense to me since finding out Brooke was a dude. Just look at strips like this one.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/5/9&name=9_Chickweed_Lane
Debt On
May 21st, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

I think Lu Ann is actually under the control of the alien symbiote from Spider-Man 3.
SappySwami
May 21st, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

Minotaur, you guys. Minotaur.
flinger
May 21st, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

GT
Holy shitmonkeys, what in god’s name is going on with that chick’s hand in the last panel of GT? Specifically, I mean, the shading on the back of her hand. My theory — its not her hand but a werewolf’s paw, which would explain why she seems to have, maybe, a lot of hair(?) on the back of her hand, the fact that the talon like nails are half the size of her fingers, and the fact that it is rising at a 180 degree to her face. It might also explain how it is that her nose was violently removed from her face.
Werewolves love human noses.
Frank Parsnip
May 21st, 2007 at 4:19 am [Reply]

“Edda looked up at the great big narwhal horn being carried by old mule skinner, amazed by the enormous, ribbed shaft tapering to a fine point. ‘Mind if I get a move on,” said the old mule skinner. ‘I’ve got to get this collection of nautical oddities across Damrosch Park to Lord Haw-haw’s palace.’ Edda looked on in amazement as a whole line of mules, tied together with coarse hempen ropes, made their way along the trail towards the home of the infamous Irish-American broadcaster. She reached down and picked up a shell that had once belonged to a two-headed oyster that had dropped down into the grass. ‘I shall keep this as a souvenir of this extraordinarily meaningless interlude.’ And she did.”
.Doc
May 21st, 2007 at 5:07 am [Reply]

#46: Yeah, I know what you mean. I was sure “Brooke” was a chick, because ONLY a chick could possibly write a strip like 9CL. It’s so “chick-taste” it is now positively creepy to read, knowing it’s coming from an alleged guy. Needless to say, it raises doubts about his — well, er, ahem…orientation. And the new thing with Edda and the Unicorn only adds to that doubt.

BTW — No, Edda, you most certainly DON’T have a “real” job. If you were teaching dancing to young girls, as well as “working” as a “professional” dancer, then you’d be coming closer to being a productive member of society. But as of now, you obviously have way too much leisure time on your hands.
Dr. Mad
May 21st, 2007 at 7:43 am [Reply]

#48 -Sorry SappySwami, can’t be a minotaur neither – the “taur” part = a bull. I like the idea of a silenus, since they are generally more feral -and drunk -than satyrs. Note: the kelpies are also known as shopiltees. In all cases in folklore male creatures with animal attributes come to our world only to find and rape women so what’sherface had better start running and screaming right now.
Finsfan
May 21st, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

I believe the liquid flowing from Luann’s brain is Molasses which is clearly being used as a metaphor for the painstakingly mind-numbing death march this strip has been on for 5 months or so. RESOLVE ALREADY!!!! Margo has orgasms in less time then this storyline is taking! Figuratively, of course as Margo’s hoo-ha would instantly freeze anything that comes close to entering it.
Len
May 21st, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

Unicorns can only be caught by virgins. I guess this explains about whether Amos and Edda have done the nasty with each other.
kingklash
May 21st, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

It’s just a pair of goat legs, with nothing attached.
Frank Parsnip
May 21st, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

55 — just like the movie “Top Secret”, eh?

Being a dancer isn’t even a “real job” when you’re rich and famous. Look at Kevin Federline — does anyone respect him despite all his accomplishments? All those years of taking dance classes and working onstage, and still nobody on the planet considers him as anything more than Britny Spear’s ex-himbo.
Braniff
May 21st, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

Do you suppose this is a reference to the old TV show “Miss Edda”?

“A horse is a horse, of course, of course . . . unless you’re talking about the amazing Miss Edda!” (abbreviated version)
nemoErensenuT
February 10th, 2008 at 5:17 am [Reply]

I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:

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Cancer storylines metastasize

58 responses to “Cancer storylines metastasize”

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