The Comics Curmudgeon

62 responses to “The slow march of remorse”

1. stinky pete
   May 20th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

   4 posts in one day (with COTWs to come later tonight)? This headlong rush to CC2K risks becoming unseemly. However, for your admirable focus on behavioral finance instead of sweater puppies, you are forgiven.

2. whoamItoday?
   May 20th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

   *pant, pant*

   this blog is moving way too fast for me. I get to the end of the comments, only to discover another post.

3. O’Fogeyette
   May 20th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

   Yes, Josh, thank you for bringing some sanity to the commentary. I actually hesitate to post here for fear of ending yet another thread, but I’m assuming, since this is the fourth one since I ended the Megametapost, that it will be around for a while.

4. stinky pete
   May 20th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

   Oh yeah… FIRRRRRRST!!

   O’Fogeyette: Why aren’t you bragging about AZ’s softball team? I notice that they are undefeated and unscored-upon in the NCAA regionals. However, I also noticed that they beat some guy named “Howard” on Friday. This hardly seems fair. They probably could get a base hit every time just by bunting. Poor Howard might have been able to field the ball but no way could he run to first in time. Who’s up next? Some poor schlub named Ralph?

5. Chat Noir
   May 20th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

   Actually, Abbey’s free hand with the checking account may explain the genesis of said sweater puppies.

6. Jonathan Bogart
   May 20th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

   Potential DRD alert:

   JP: The deal isn’t the only thing that’s smokin’ in that fifth panel, if you take my meaning.

7. Douglas E. Iannucci
   May 20th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

   Ha, ha, ha, God has a security camera. Ha, ha, ha. I mean, he called it “heavencam,” right? I guess that means “security camera in heaven” or something or other like that. So I guess that’s God yelling at him, right? Ha, ha, ha, what a concept.

8. pesch
   May 20th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

   So we’re supposed to believe that you can buy a flat in Paris by simply handing over a check to a smug guy with a removable moustache? No legal paperwork? No contract? Not even a “let’s confirm this with Rachel first and, by the way, Dr. Fever, let’s see the deed in your name first.”

   OTOH, Abbey’s loaded, stacked and dumber than a bag of hammers. My kinda woman.

9. Lynngineering
   May 20th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

   JP: It’s obvious from Abby’s lack of sense when it comes to finances (Pay cash is a great investment…uh, ok…without finding out the laws of ownership in foreign countries, and right there with no contract… don’t look to see what the building condition is, blah blah blah… ) she made most of her income in some way affiliated to her breasterrific posing.

   I miss the old Judge Parker, where Abby was sort of this cool, smart, well-dressed woman who although well-off socially and financially, played against Sam’s more street character. It had charm. This is just ….breasterrific.

10. Jamus The Bartender
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Is this the one where he met Kayser Sose?
    “Give ME the gun, you stupid cocksucker..”

11. Steve S
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    So the turtle must be the culprit because he’s too short to hit the elevator buttons? Doesn’t this hotel have stairs? Won’t that make it a bit of a death trap in case of fire?

12. etho
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    I just want to say that the funniest thing about Crock today is the fact that a (presumably French) legionnaire is named Buford. And that’s really not all that funny.

13. Steve S
    May 20th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Is there any way to read panel 4 of Judge Parker other than that Neddy has her hand wedged into Abbey’s bountiful cleavage? Regardless, that’s how I’m going to continue reading it.

14. Jamus The Bartender
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook.
    Today’s lesson: HeavenCams(tm)
    First it was the wrist radio, then it was the wrist television, then the wrist computer, now, in conjunction with our friends at Crock, crime-fighting has a new ally in HeavenCams. Hooked up to the wrist television, the HeavenCams can look in on any punk, any criminal, any terrorist, any serial masturbator, and take appropriate action. Criminals, your days are through!!
    Snarkers, you better watch out. Admissible in a court of law? Haw, haw, haw, this is the Bush era, my friends.
    HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, CAPED CRUSADER?
    Support your president.
    Dick Tracy

15. BigTed
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Steve S (11): It does look that way, and yet I don’t think the women are supposed to be seen as standing that close to each other. It’s some kind of erotic M.C. Escher melding of space-time.

16. joe
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    IIRC, elevator buttons generally start with the lower floors on the top, and the upper floors on the bottom. So…. wouldn’t turtle only be able to reach the upper floor buttons?

17. BigTed
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    (I meant to refer to Steve S’s comment 13. You know the one.)

18. Rhekarid
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Yes, God wants you to stop smoking. Because when he’s let your fate wind up as an eternity in a lifeless wasteland waiting for enemy soldiers to shoot you, he’s concerned about your health.

19. Buck Ripsnort
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    The turtle may be guilty of burglery, but that werewolf is clearly responsible for all the cases of rape/cannibalism.

20. Mibbitmaker
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Crock: If God has only Himself to blame for letting Eternity’s techies run the show, then who’s to blame for the guard in the perplexing penultimate panel having his eyes shift directly below his nose when he looks up? (Hint: Answer’s in the top panel!)

    SFx: How ’bout a nice round of applause for Weber’s attempt at a Walker Comic Strip Factory immitation in the comic striplet topping today’s effort!

21. Red Greenback
    May 20th, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    SFx: Forget “perp walk”…this more of of a “terp walk”…*crickets*

22. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 20th, 2007 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    SFx: If the elevator in question were set up with the highest-numbered floor buttons on the bottom, the tortoise obviously would not have been able to get back to the ground floor after pulling off his crimes. But that’s a red herring. I suspect the obviously stoned bird as the real burglar, since he’s aware of Slylock’s previously demonstrated height-based deductive ability, and figured if he only hit lower floors, he’d get off scot-free. The tortoise looks guilty only because he’s got 60 gigs of illegal turtle-egg porn* on his hard drive, and if he has to spend just one more minute under these hot lights he’s gonna crack.
    (* SFW, unless you’re an oviparous reptile. Sorry, Chennux!)

23. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 20th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    The giraffe must be either innocent on all charges or a sublime actor. The only emotion he registers is annoyance at having his vacation interrupted for this inane lineup.

    The stork is another story. Catch the nervous grin, the stooped posture, the refusal to take off his wool cap indoors. He may not have pulled the burglaries, but I’ll bet he’s got twenty condoms filled with something in his digestive tract.

24. spackles
    May 20th, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW — Although Jim and Iris aren’t in today’s strip, the theme continues to be ” What a drag it is getting old”, to which I reply:

    What a drag it is reading FOOB
    “FOOB is dismal this May,”
    I hear ev’ry ‘mudgeon say
    ‘Mudgeons need something today to cheer us up
    And though it’s ill-e-gal
    There’s the lovely urge to kill
    So we rally the curmudgeons and collect some hefty bludgeons
    Thus we’ll feel less dread each day, as we read the comics page

    Lynn J. please, no more of these
    We’re at the door, with two-by-fours
    What a drag it is reading FOOB

25. dale
    May 20th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    SlyFox – Have I mentioned before that burglary and robbery are not the same crime? I’m no lawyer, but I do own a dictionary and have read two law books.
    Also, that puzzle is a ripoff of an old one about a guy who rides down in the morning and walks up at night. A midget, of course.
    A competent short turtle burglar would carry a sword cane. He could reach the buttons (high floors are at the top), and he would have a weapon in case he needed to convert a burglary into armed robbery.

26. weiser
    May 20th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    Cool plan. I would SO carry a sword cane if I were a turtle.

    Even if I weren’t a burglar/robber.

27. King Folderol
    May 20th, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    SF – I’m not really sure how this makes the turtle guilty, given that any of the other characters could have simply decided to rob the lower floors and simply blame the turtle. This is the kind of lazy, post 9-11 thinking that’s going to land us all in Guantanamo.

    I’ve never understood the convention of kids playing in the mud. I found mud gross even as a kid.

    JP – This edition of “Breastplay” was brought to you by Maidenform bras.

28. slinkimalinki
    May 20th, 2007 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    dead? or dead drunk?

29. dale
    May 20th, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    19 – Buck Ripsnort re: SlyFox
    Have you actually seen cases of rape/cannibalism, or are you just reporting them?

30. xris
    May 20th, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    The trick with those “six differences” puzzles is to turn it sideways and cross your eyes so the two pictures are superimposed. The differences are obvious then. Yes, I have too much time on my hands.

31. Dan Someone
    May 20th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    Today I learned how to draw a chick in the rain:

    Step 1: Draw a chick.
    Step 2: Draw rain.

    Voila! I’m off to apply to this here art school I read about in my pack of matches. I’m thinkin’ full ride, baby!

32. Magnolia
    May 20th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    It freaks me out how Crock Man’s nose shifts to his forehead above his eyes when he looks up.

33. Tomcat
    May 20th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Luann- Does it look to anyone else like Nancy is trying to choke Frank to death in their nap?

34. Johnny Q
    May 20th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    What is the solution to the SLYLOCK FOX mystery? The print is so fine I can’t read it!

35. Jason
    May 20th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Can someone explain this to me? Why is the artwork in Judge Parker different looking on Sundays? Is it a different artist, or do they have to make it better looking on sunday because more people read it that day?

36. jesshelga
    May 20th, 2007 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    Are we certain that the turtle doesn’t look that way because the absolutely creepy bird to his left didn’t touch Turtle in his bathing suit area? I think it would account for the shame…as well as the way Turtle is attempting to protect his turtle parts.

    Also, I like how all the tall suspects are wearing shirts that are approximately a half size too small, just like Christopher Meloni’s character Gene in Wet Hot American Summer. That’s a particularly sexy look on cartoons.

37. Peaches
    May 21st, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    Crock: In pannel three, his nose is ABOVE his eyes. I wish I could come up with a more witty way of pointing this out but reguardless…his nose is above his eyes. really.

38. OohShiny
    May 21st, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    I thought “HeavenCam” was where you could go to see God in the shower, working out, snuggling, etc

39. slinkimalinki
    May 21st, 2007 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    hey, that guy’s nose is above his eyes. also, he kinda doesn’t look anything like captain kangaroo.

40. The Avocado Avenger
    May 21st, 2007 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    Slylock: The criminals are all hanging out at the Poo Hall. Just look at the sign outside the window.

    A3G: So, we’re in for weeks of Xeroxed panels of an unconscious (or dead) LuAnn. Not even a tumbleweed or cricket chirp to comfort us. Sad.

41. Jeff
    May 21st, 2007 at 5:06 am [Reply]

    What. A. Rack.

42. Frank Parsnip
    May 21st, 2007 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    Heavencam? That’s just Alberto G doing his job.

43. R. L. Peterson
    May 21st, 2007 at 5:57 am [Reply]

    The thing about the Slylock Fox solution is that in many of the elevators I’ve been in have the lower floors at the top left column, continue down half-way, and then start again at the top right. So there would be two random sections of thefts. Additionally, if he couldn’t reach the buttons, how’d he reach the handles to get into the doors? No, Detective Fox, this doesn’t seem to add up at all.

    I’m starting to wonder if Fox is the one committing these crimes and using obfuscation to confuse people into blaming someone else.

44. TurtleBoy
    May 21st, 2007 at 6:14 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: I am appalled that a turtle could stoop so…er…he was framed! Yeah, that’s the ticket! By that wily Cassandra Cat! He was her cat’s paw! He fell for her Catholic school girl routine. And who wouldn’t? Rrrrowr!

    Never fear, little guy: with the recidivism rate we’ve witnessed in Slylock’s land (Smitty’s got the chance to commit a crime nearly every week, when are those soft-on-crime schmoes in Congress going to figure this out?!!?), you’ll be out on parole before you have a chance to introduce yourself to all of your cellmates.

45. RoskoP
    May 21st, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Wait, did I miss something? When was “moving into Granthony’s basement” discussed? I thought she was going to move to the house down the street with her parents. Gerald is going to have some explaining to do when he is caught fondling Deanna after sneaking into “April’s” bedroom.

    Gerald “Note to self: Don’t ask Howard Erk for an attorney reference.”

46. zadig
    May 21st, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Slylock assumed the turtle was guilty because he’s the only one in the entire comic that’s not wearing clothes. He’s hiding his nudity in shame, but it’s clear that he was stealing out of real need, not for criminal reasons. The turtle should be released for compassionate reasons.

    I’ll be starting a Free Terrapin site soon where we can all work for the turtle’s release.

47. MrP
    May 21st, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    That blue stork and butch lesbo bear are clearly the real culprits of this Slylock story. Why is this, beyond the fact that they look sneaky? Bear (haha) with me here for a moment.

    It was only a question of time before Slylock’s 1960’s-Batman-style investigation techniques (”Yes, this is truly a hard case to solve… Hard… Hard shell… The TURTLE did it!”) would be exploited by the city’s hardboiled criminals. Here, the two real criminals spotted the turtle getting drunk in the bar the night before, and quickly noticed that, hey, the turtle needs to stand on three phone books just to reach the bar. Aaaand the elevator’s buttons are yay high. Right there and then, they had enough “evidence” against the turtle to fool Slylock’s childlike mind.

    As we can see, it worked perfectly. They got away, and all they had to do was not rob the top ten floors.

48. Unfoxy Grandpa
    May 21st, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    What was the issue with Curtis this Sunday? That strips featuring African Americans are not being anthologized? That, in particular, Curtis is not being anthologized? Is Green Lantern now an African American? I admit that I haven’t seen Green Lantern since the early 60s when every superhero was white (or green).

49. Hogen Mogen
    May 21st, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Don’t they only do lineups when the police have a description of the perpetrator’s appearance? How could anyone mistake a giraffe from a blue stork from a turtle from a bear? Why is Max Mouse getting all chummy with the bear suspect?

50. ElSanto
    May 21st, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    There is a black Green Lantern (there are many, they are like a galactic police force), and he (John Stewart) has been the Green Lantern on the Justice League cartoon, but the one in the comics has been white. In the comics, Stewart is a supporting character.

    As for Ray Billingsley’s issue with anthologies of black comic strips, I direct you to this curmugeon post that includes a link to an interview he did. It boils down to this: unless you’re doing strips about angry black men, like Boondocks, most publishers will not publish anothologies about black comic strip characters. The same goes for similar strips like “Herb & Jamaal’ and “Jump Start.” I think he has a legit issue.

    And now …. I’m gonna take a break from all this pontificating to stare at Judge Parker all day.

51. Hogen Mogen
    May 21st, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Crock: Doesn’t Buford know that he might get killed from smoking if he does it daily for 30 years? However, if he stands in a chimney fully clothed in a desert during an armed conflict for a fraction of that time, he’ll wind up the same way. Yeah, but if he gets cancercancercancer, he’d look as if he was ripping off Funky and Gil Thorp. Mock on GT all you want, but it is an artistic standard to which Crock looks on in envy.

52. Hogen Mogen
    May 21st, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Not only is Archie an idiot, he’s so very proud of his stupidity that he brags about it to his friends. Jughead looks unimpressed, and Betty registers genuine concern. The teacher, though, Flutensnoot, I presume, is sulking away in shame. No, Flutensnoon, being unable to teach Archie is normal, as he suffered irreparable brain damage when hit upside the head with a hot waffle iron at an early age.

53. Hogen Mogen
    May 21st, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Prickly: It took me a minute to figure out if that was girl-squiggle’s ugly face, or if that was supposed to be the back of her head. Either way, I hope that the ledge breaks and she and coyote squiggle fall to their deaths in some unnamed canyon, with the rock ledge landing on top to cover the bodies for all eternity.

54. Unfoxy Grandpa
    May 21st, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the information on both Curtis and Green Lantern, ElSanto. That was a very interesting interview with Billingsley..

55. Anonymous
    May 21st, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    The turtle’s probably too short to reach the door handle in the stairwell. I smell an equal access lawsuit.

56. Little A.
    May 21st, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    All right, I’ve been doing some thinking, and I have come to the conclusions that: 1. Shawna-Marie’s fiance, whom we haven’t met yet, will have a hairdo just like the one she used to have, or maybe still has (i.e., the result of somebody sticking a live electric cord up her tuchiss); and 2. Liz is going to meet somebody wonderful at the wedding, even if she somehow gets a date; OR 3. She will somehow wind up with Anthony, somehow, and ride away into the sunset with him to live boringly ever after; and 4. Shawna-Marie and her husband are going to honeymoon on Flyspeck Island, guests of the King.

    Also I predict that between now and September, when Lynne will have tidied up all her loose ends: Jim will have passed away, April will have lost her virginity to what’s his name, Gerald, Rebecca and April will have become friends again, Michael’s book will have become a great best seller Just like things happen in real life. And his wife will become pregnant again.

    Just the way things would work out in real life.

    I guess it never rains on Dr. Patterson’s trains. I would never leave my electric trains in my backyard. But I don’t live in the comics.

    Here’s my favorite Haiku, because I wrote it myself many years ago. It has nothing to do with anything I or anybody else has been kvetching about in these posts.

    I love a parade
    When I light the kitchen lights
    The roaches march by

57. mbtankersley
    May 21st, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t all thinkin’ brain-thinkin’?

    MBT

58. .Doc
    May 21st, 2007 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    #57: Not all thinkin’ is brain-thinkin’. A lot of my thinkin’ is done somewhere else.

59. Flux
    May 23rd, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    I enjoyed the fact that there’s a police lineup of suspects with entirely disparate physiognomies.So someone caught a glimpse of the notorious hotel burglary suspect, but they’re not sure if he was a knee-high green turtle, or a six foot giraffe, an ogre besieged by a small yellow lamprey, or some sort of blue archaeopteryx?

60. the genghis
    May 24th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Neddy coppin’ a feel in panel four- you go, girl!

61. willsir
    May 25th, 2007 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    Where I come from, you hear “you just bought yourself a flat in Paris, buddy” from a guy like that, you know that now you really have to keep your hands off his wife. Also, best to keep your dog indoors until things cool down.

62. rtoqenfgv mrntboxgz
    June 23rd, 2007 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    rfoxv fmuvsix oytv dwfktb svhc gnlzbqoy nmlsirfo

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