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Wow

Apartment 3-G, 10/8/11

Wow, Margo’s standards of work would shame a junkie — her grand reopening for the Mills Gallery boiled down to cadging a favor from an ex-client and putting up a sign. And while her “Art without Rules” gimmick must have seemed clever at first — no standards, can’t fail, right? — now Queen Bee’s anarchists are tagging up the joint, trashing all the work Trey conned out of his partners, and returning the Mills to its roots as a crack house.

But just like last year’s Great Hypothetical Piano Delivery, we don’t actually get to see any of the alleged “Art without Rules” — just a couple of mopes talking about it. “Tell, don’t show” — it’s like a rule or something.

Archie, 10/8/11

Wow, Fred’s getting more enjoyment from that newspaper than anybody has for 40 years. You can bet he’s not reading Archie.

Judge Parker, 10/8/11

Wow, check out CIApril Bower in panel 3 there. Seems like only yesterday she was Randy’s timid, dumpy secretary, fending off his ham-handed advances over chewy takeout sushi. Now a willowy oenophile and multilingual Lady of Mystery, she jets to global hotspots under World Bank cover from her stylish country home. Here, standing amidst the obscene symbols of the Spencer-Drivers’ good fortune, she recalls the moment it all changed for her, too. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Touched by a Parker!

The Phantom, 10/8/11

So yeah wow, El Guerrero Latino, the good lucha libre wrestler who beat nasty cheatin’ ol’ El Bucanero Infernal is in fact Police Chief Ernesto Salinas, who mysteriously bailed on Kit right before the match. This will come as a revelation to absolutely no one but the Chief’s son Emiliano, Ciudad Jardin’s slower version of Rusty Trail.

There’s a lot of pumped-up mystery about how very much depended on the match, and an uncommon amount of attention paid to Ernesto’s training partner Victor Batalla and his son Vincente, so watch for some hero-on-the-inside father-and-son stuff down the road. But for now, what if Chief Salinas has been gaming the Ghost Who Walks all along, and this is the payoff: “OK, ‘Walker’, now that you know my secret identity, how about telling me yours? It’s the way we do things here in México, my friend. You know — like men!”


Hey everybody, I’m sitting in this week while Josh takes a vacation. Contact me about site trouble, spam, comment issues, etc. at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net. Thanks!

– Uncle Lumpy

172 responses to “Wow”

  1. Gold-Digging Nanny
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    It’s almost like Margaret Shulock is taunting Frank Bolle. “Queen Bee’s minions are spray-painting everything! What a visual! I bet that’d be a lot of fun to draw, Frank! Even more fun than when you drew those stunning buildings that Trey and Margo toured! Ha ha ha!” “Dang it, Margaret, it’s hard enough to draw men with distinguishing features. Why do you do this to me?”

  2. Johnny Q
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    There’s only room for one Queen Bee in APARTMENT 3-G!

  3. Comcis Fan
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    Apparent cow spam marked a good time for a thread jump. And Poteet @ #16 on the OT, that works!

    S4th: It’s swell that Ted recognizes women often just want their men to listen, not suggest. In this case, however, Ted wasn’t out of line to talk some sense to Sally.

  4. Mibbitmaker
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    Frank Bolle, you’re no Jim Borgman! (partly because Shulock is no Jerry Scott)

    JP: Or what will show up, as in the floating, disjointed wreath in the near background there! (but we know it’s only coloring monkeys not filling in the background bush outline, don’t we, folks?)

    Phantom: The Chief revelation make Kit’s hat vibrate. He must’ve bought it where BBailey’s Killer buys his army hats.

  5. Laura
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:21 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, the Blue Man Group appears to have shown up at the Mills Gallery…

  6. tedler
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:00 am [Reply]

    I just wanted to thank the ‘mudgeons who revealed to me the glory that is Chick Tracts. Hours of entertainment. Josh/Lumpy–these things must be worked into the comics rotation!

    Thanks for covering Uncle Lumpy, as always. Hope we have a fresh crop of those fundraising banner thingies coking our way.

  7. tedler
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    Coming, even!

  8. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    BB: That’s right Beetle. While you were playing ‘squash’ with Sarge, Bux was having unprotected sex with your barracks mates. Except Julian.
    She only has the strength to feed you a bowel of nondescript brown mush and give you a distracted HJ while wearing an oven glove..

    BCE: Facebook reference. Heh. Timely AND relevant.

    ‘Shaft: Is it over yet ? Good. We now return to confused old man running over kids with a school bus !

    Curtis: I really hated sharing a bed with my older brother. He usually smelled like pot, beer and beat-down from my Dad after he came home after curfew.
    I suspect Barry will enjoy that in a few years, too.

    DtM: “….and it makes it hard to get a bead on him with my Korean War ‘souvenir’.

    Doonsbury: Gay=$$$$$ ! You go, girl !

    FC: WTF ! Jeffy has shrunk down to the size of a garden gnome…..that throws rocks. I’m officially creeped out.

    Lockhorns: I think I saw that very room in a porno that involved creamed corn and plastic sheeting.

    Luann: “…or for $5000; a life-like RealDoll ™ with life-like non-fertile vinyl uterus.”

    PBS: Tomorrow: Ms. Period.

    Chix w/Dix: This has no effect on my cats.

  9. Little A.
    October 8th, 2011 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    MT: There is NO WAY this strip can get any stupider is t here? Deli Telly wants the dog to lead her to — where? Then she berates it for leading her the wrong way even though she doesn’t know where they are going and the SHE YELLS AT HIM AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS SO THEY DON’T WAKE UP THE MOUNTIE. That makes sense, in this strip.

  10. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    Archie: “Yeah. In other words: It’s Fish Stick Sammich and HJ night !”

    Zits: Z is for Zoloft. Z.

    The Lazy, Lazy Spider: Dammit ! JJJ reminds me of my PE teacher from 1976 ! Welp ! Back to therapy !

    Banjo Buddies: “Saaaaaaaaaaaaay. What are yer in-tentions wit mah horse, Zeb?”

    Buttplugs: Yay ! Crankshaft is back ! This time he’s driving a busload of anthropomorphic mammals to heaven !

    MT: What Andy *actually* heard: “MumbleANDYyaddayaddamumbleFISHblabla !”

    H&J: A subtle drug abuse PSA.

  11. Chareth Cutestory
    October 8th, 2011 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    JP: Yet another appearance of the opulent Road Queen motor home! Quit trying to shove your RV-driving wealth porn in my face! #OccupySpencerFarms

  12. TheTJ
    October 8th, 2011 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    I wouldn’t say we don’t see at least some of the spray painting… It looks like the crowd got an even coating of Blue #4.

  13. Maria Veiga
    October 8th, 2011 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    A3G: What’s with Margo’s clothes? Isn’t it a formal occasion, a time to be elegant and show you’re an avant garde owner? She looks like a grandmother going to the market.

    MW: Is she reading or hypnotizing the book? And whose photo’s that on the table?

  14. wossname
    October 8th, 2011 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    MT – Since it’s impossible that Andy can’t understand complex instructions in English, I must conclude that he has decided it’s safer and/or strategically wiser to head for Johnny Malotte’s fish camp.

    @AeroSquid (#8): Re Beetle – A bowel of nondescript brown mush??? EWW – what is this, Marvin?

    Congrats to Lord-z and all the funny folks on the float! (and to all the funny folks not on the float, too!)

  15. Doctor Handsome
    October 8th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    When you dwell in a featureless void, you don’t have to deal with traffic or parking! And when you “read” newspapers that have no actual words on them, you can let your imagination run wild! And your imagination is quite obviously leaning towards your wife’s grisly murder. I’ll totally vouch for your alibi, Mr. Andrews.

  16. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    GF: this won’t end well.

    Lio: nice save.

    Luann: Knute is Ted Forth’s illegitimate son, put up for adoption . . . .

    OtH: hey people, stop not reading newspapers!!!! (sorry for stealing another ‘mudges line, but it fit so well!)

    SB: funnier than Marvin, I guess. (alt take: breeders, amirite?)

    Bizarro: Pope hats, amirite?

    JUMBLE: “open apertures” doesn’t fit. and would get him arrested.

    rMC: one of Violet’s better strips.

    F-: that’s why you leave the kiddies at home, folks.

  17. Scott Bot
    October 8th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MT – ‘Where are you going, Andy? Don’t pee on that tree!’

    Pluggers – My eyesight isn’t what it used to be – does that say ‘church bus’ or ‘short bus?’ With Pluggers, it’s hard to tell.

    RMMD – Wishful thinking, Summer. You’re screwed. Just thought I’d let you know.

  18. But What Do I Know?
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    DT — Last year he busted up a chop shop–this year he’s going to take out that steak joint on 5th and Main! Say hello to your new vegan partner.

    MT — Looks like Kelly Welly is resorting to speaking slowly and loudly to Andy in the hopes he’ll be able to understand her language. . .

  19. Lorne
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    If the artist of “Apartment 3G” could actually draw art being created, he wouldn’t be the artist of “Apartment 3G”.

  20. Snowshoecat
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Gold-Digging Nanny (#1): Have you ever read Shulock’s Six Chix offerings? She almost makes Donna Lewis look good. Especially the scary birds with wigs and ties. Let’s not ask too much of her.

    (shiver)

  21. Scott Bot
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    A3G – One thing I’ve always wondered – how do you get mnions, anyway? Do you advertise in the paper for them? Can you get them through a temp company? I want minions of my own.

  22. Droopy Says
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    3G Do we really know who owns the minions? What if they work for the Joker and got lost on their way to the Gotham art museum?

  23. Some Guy
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Luann, yesterday: I just want to congratulate Greg for remembering Quill wouldn’t say “daipers”. The rest of the strip is offensive nonsense, obviously.

    Mark Trail: At last, one of the absurdities of this storyline (Kelly’s belief that she can tell Andy to go to the bird-bander and he’ll do so) turns out to actually be absurd; Andy’s training as a Thinking Brain Dog tells him he has to return to Mark before the man walks into a tree or something.

    Mary Worth: The Gina story is so dull that watching Mary sit in a chair and think about what might happen is marginally more interesting than watching what is happening.

  24. bats :[
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    When i first saw today’s JP, I really thought the last panel was Sophie, not April. Something’s weird with the profile. (And come on, April’s been all over the world. She might not have encountered a behemoth like this, but is it all that dazzling?)

    A&J: yup.

  25. AhClem
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    JP – It looks like April has morphed into Sophie. Let’s see the judge explain THAT in the next election.

  26. AhClem
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#24): Great minds etc.

  27. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Congrats to all the floaters! (sigh, maybe… someday…)

    H&J: Is that a deepity, or merely a Charlie Chanism?
    ShermsLagoon: And Pluggers know the top of the muffin’s the best part.
    A3G, RMMD, JP: I suppose most of you guys already knew this, but I just found out that all three soapers were created by one person, Nicholas P. Dallis, a former psychiatrist who went over to the dark side. Talk about the banality of evil, what an astonishing nexus! Batiuk’s going to have to work harder to get to that level.

  28. Spotts1701
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#21):

    Well I don’t know about minions, but for all your henchman needs there’s HenchCo…

  29. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – A pluggers mass transit is … a bus. OK. As opposed to everyone else’s mass transit? I mean, who doesn’t consider a bus as … oh, wait …

    JP – A Spencer’s bus is a mass-ive display of wealth. But, they are job creators! Think of all the people employed fixing the roads that bus drives over, and all the soldiers deployed around the world to make sure there is enough oil to make the gas to fill that thing up. It makes you wonder, yet again, who the intended audience is for this strip’s opulence porn.

  30. John C Fremont
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    I, for one, would be interested in being a minion, but I need more information on the starting pay and benefits.

    @Spotts1701 (#28): On the other hand, I do have more than enough evil hours to get into the Henchmen’s Union…

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#29): Hey, it’s Spencers Mass Transit!

  31. Anonymous
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#21):
    More Minions, Mule!

  32. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    9 – Whoa! Wotta Burber! Just gave birth and she’s already asking for hand sex!

    Crankshaft – Next scene, a demolition worker sees the envelope and excitedly recognizes a rare stamp! With visions of his daughter being able to finally afford surgery for her cleft palate, he reaches for it, accidentally knocking it deep into the rubble and sticking his hand on a rusty nail — with hi-larious consequences!

    Gasoline – Strange, I have the darnedest craving just now for the great taste of Coke™!

  33. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    love is… – I thought “his place” was storage unit 88. Apparently 88′s where he actually lives, and 87 is where he butchers his victims.

    Phantom – “I never saw this coming,” says Quincy Magoo.

    @Comcis Fan (#y17): It’s the one with the duck. See the posting and discussion policies for details.

    Uncle Lumpy – Speaking of great hypothetical piano deliveries, I’m pleased to report that my dad’s grand piano has been picked up by the movers and will be installed in my upstairs living room in something less than two weeks. I don’t actually know how much less, but after all the time I put in finding, talking to, and comparing potential movers, it’s a triumph to have gotten this far.

    3G – “My god, look at them! They’re spray painting the hell out of everything! This is like The Lord of the Rings! No, this is better than The Lord of the Rings! I sure wish you folks could see this!!”

    @John C Fremont (#30): I was The Minion when I worked in the foreign language department at Georgia Southern. Since it was a Spanish teacher who gave me the title, it ended up as El Miñon. I looked it up and it turns out I was a sort of forest guard.

  34. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#21): …how do you get mnions, anyway? Glad you asked. First you have to be evil. Preferably an evil billionaire, or as they call them now, job creators. Start a SuperPAC. Gradually goons and henchmen (and henchwomen) will gather around you. Eventually you will be able to trade the goons and henchpeople for minions and Myrmidons. Kind of like trading in houses for hotels in Monopoly. Hope this helps!

  35. teenchy
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (y#25): Why I do picture Uncle Lumpy as Buck Henry?

    Luann: Is this gonna turn into another abstinence arc? One word for you, Evans: Contraceptives. All the cool kids know how to use ‘em.

    Of course knowing what I know about Evans and his personal background, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s all abstinence all the time.

  36. Scott Bot
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#28): @Nehemiah Scudder (#34): See, that’s what I love about this place – not only is it fun, but it’s educational, too. I’m going to start gathering my evil forces right away. Thanks!

  37. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    a lolcat for bb,u.

    meanwhile, in Canada.

    IRL Jessica Rabbit.

    The Daily Puppy is a corgi.

    hovercorgi achieves liftoff.

  38. gleeb
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    A 3-G: I guess Queen Bee would have “minions”. I just hope there isn’t a bee insurrection in the gallery.

    Beetle: So after this, she’s going to dinner with someone else? A simple “How was lunch?” could have avoided the awkwardness.

    ‘shaft: See? After ruining two lives, all you need to do is make a stupid symbolic gesture that’s years too late, because the principals are dead, and your soul will be fresh and clean again. Or maybe organize a charity run or something.

    Dick: “And, Tracy. Lose the damn yellow hat! Makes you look like a monkey fetishist.”

    ‘bean: So, instead of on his desk, where he could effortlessly reach it, Tony’s inbox is across the room, on top of a tall filing cabinet. This shouldn’t be a surprise; Tony was, after all, stupid enough to hire fat failure Funky and put him in charge.

    Gas: Say, has a US Army History Museum been opened? Seriously, it’s better than Derrick Bell pimping his own books at every opportunity, but it’s still not a good comic strip.

  39. Liam
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    A3G-Queen Bee’s people have already gotten the people in the back.

    MW-”Meeting her destiny head on” like a bullet to the head or being hit by a car.

    JP-If you think it is big wait until you see the inside.

    FW-Tony’s smug contempt for technology masks his fear and inability to adjust to changes.

    MT-Andy is smart. He doesn’t care about bird banders and stories for magazines. All he wants to do is go home and Mark is his only way home.

    Sally Forth-”The Gilded Hand” must be one terrible movie when the review blurb on the poster proclaims that it is a movie.

    FC-I want to the see aftermath of this. I am wondering who will be hit or what will be broken. “I threw the rock but I couldn’t help it if such and such was in the way.”

  40. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33): It’s the one with the duck
    Oh! I was wondering about that too… Not Daffy? Donald? Scrooge? Oh o o, I got it: the one who’s name sounds sort of like that of the 13th President of the U.S.?

    Well that does sound like fun! Can I play?

  41. Liam
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-Why are talking like that? You sound like you are selling something to a wider audience but it is only you and me here.

  42. Mibbitmaker
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    DT: Patton looks pretty young there to be… Well, it was the 1930s!
    ……..waaaaait a minute…….

    FW: Nobody cares!
    Moving on…

    Luann: Of course, that’s ridiculous!
    ……then again, after being entertained by Geoff Peterson, Crow, Tom Servo, and Gypsy for so long now……

    MT: *SIGH!* I should’ve known it was only a matter of time before Kelly Welly would go back to being foolish. And what’s up with the Dan Backslide bit, Kel’?

    Marm: Pillow? Hell, that mutt is a whole freakin’ bed!

    MW: …apply directly to the forehead.
    Mare doesn’t know about Near-Miss-o-Palooza ’11! Poor serene, unknowing Mary.

    PBS: Well, at least the occasional “1″ is there to pick up some slack.

    ZtP: Short trip, Th’Toady!

    S4th: You’ll need a whole Sunday strip for that, Ted. An old, full-page one.

    Really, I get the listening stuff, it’s just the “don’t solve the problem” part of the usual cliche that makes no sense.

  43. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#36): If you are in fact a billionaire job creator just now turning to evil, I’d like you to know that I am always available for private consultation. Will be following your future career with great interest!

  44. Mibbitmaker
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @teenchy (#35): Yeah! And why don’t you finally host Saturday Night Live again, Uncle Lumpy? It’s been too long!

  45. Mibbitmaker
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#34): It’s no wonder Doofenshmirtz fails so much.

  46. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#40): Just fill in the blank at Google: ” _____ and Cover”

    [In keeping with the general wackiness, I post there as "Kip W" — pretty zany, eh?]

  47. Islamorada Girl
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy! We in for some good times now.

  48. wossname
    October 8th, 2011 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#47): Is it too early to ask Uncle for the key to the liquor cabinet? I was just thinking about having some… tomato juice, yeah, that’s it! With celery in it. Very healthful.

  49. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#46): Most cool. I just “rumbled” over there.

  50. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#45): Thank you! Amazingly, I had never heard of Dr. Doofenshmirtz and his Evil Corp.. This is Disney? For real?

  51. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 8th, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#50): For real. Dan Povenmire and company succeeded in making a Disney Channel cartoon that I not only do not detest, but will actively tune into if I see that it’s on. There’s a page at TV Tropes for it. It’s a brilliant example of taking a seemingly limited concept with its own set of clichés and then exploring it fully and ringing amusing changes on it.

  52. TheDiva
    October 8th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wow, how cheap are you when you have to keep all the interesting things off-screen in a comic strip?

    C’shaft: Another happy ending. Which is to say, the ending finally arrived.

    FW: HOW IS THAT A JOKE??? It’s not a coy Plugger-esque use of newfangled terminology to describe The Good Old-Fashioned Way, because the bin where you put business to attend to was always called the in-box and when everything went electronic we just applied the term for the computer file equivalent. There is no possible way it can be construed as clever; it’s just the same “I don’t need to adapt to new ways of doing things because I’m perfect!” smugness that’s been going on all week. Gaaaaaargh!

    Luann: Don’t worry about it, nobody in this strip will ever be involved in the primary criteria for conception anyway.

    MT: Well, that’s what you get when you need to rely on the help of a dumb animal. Kelly Welly’s not having an easy time of it either.

    MW: *adds “Mary Worth’s eye bags” to the list of things she never, ever wanted to see rendered in loving detail.

    Pluggers: Unless they’re going to the nearest bingo parlor or legalized gaming town, I call no way.

  53. Walker of Dog
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#14) & @AeroSquid (#8): As long as Beetle finishes off the whole bowel,
    he’ll get his entire recommended daily allowance of intestinal flora.

    Congratulations to Lord-z and all the riders of float. I’ll raise a glass in your honor once the booze is liberated. Storm the Bastille!

  54. commodorejohn
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Two! Two days without seeing Queen Bee! Ah! Ah!

    BR – Tom Servo sighting!

    FW – A WHOLE FUCKING WEEK OF THIS. I don’t even like PDAs and I’m pissed off.

    JP – Okay, seriously, is this April or Sophie?

    Love Is… – still fucking in a hotel.

    Luann – You know it’s Luann when the comic-relief couple cracking wise about accidental pregnancies is BLESSED RELIEF.

    MT – Kelly, you of all people are in no position to be questioning Andy’s judgement.

    MW – Whose soul is that trapped in the frame on Mary’s end table?

    Peanuts – And fifty years later, the “wishy-washy vote” is the most coveted thing in American electoral politics. If they only knew…

    Phantom – GASP AND SHOCK!

    SF – I love that poster.

  55. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#54): Hotel? Even the hotels in London didn’t have doors that close together! 88 and 89 could be that close, but if 87 is that close to 88, then they’re all about four feet apart.

    It’s gotta be a self-storage locker. Damn economy! Probably the same reason they don’t wear clothes.

  56. Black Drazon
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    DT: You know, I first thought Dick had a conflict of interest in investigating his girlfriend’s kidnapping and would-be father-in-law’s murder, but like most folks I tend to believe everything that happened before my birth was a lawless, uneducated place filled with chaos and poor safety regulations. And since this is Dick Tracy, I see no reason to deviate from this impression.

  57. Tube Sock
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MW: and when Bobby rejects her she will finally know her destiny is biddyhood.

  58. The Ridger
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#55): It’s like those Japanese hotels that are essentially stacked holes in the wall to sleep in, right? Because that’s all the Blazes can afford…

  59. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#14): That’s right. Bowel. It’s Bowel Haggis. Bowel is a reasonable substitute for sheep stomachs. Bowel. Nom.

  60. ArchieNemesis
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#54):

    MW – Whose soul is that trapped in the frame on Mary’s end table?

    The face in the frame seems to be peering out of an inky blackness.
    Possibly from the bottom of a well.

  61. Spotts1701
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#52):

    A3G: Wow, how cheap are you when you have to keep all the interesting things off-screen in a comic strip?

    It’s all about running “skinny and pissed”. Why else only have one guy for all the male roles?

  62. Swordsmith
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    I’m trying to work out how they get this $250,000 figure. Looking back at my expenses and being pretty generous about it I get $110,000 spent on my daughter up to age 18. That includes such specious expenses as 1/4th the cost of the house (nonsense, I’d have had that expense with or without the children) and electric (again, MOST of this cost would be incurred with or without the kids).

    Hmm, I went back and did the list again assuming I’d only had one child, that means she gets 1/3rd the house and electric… but not of the food since the food costs would have been lower without the human eating machine, I mean, her brother. Didn’t really help, got the total up to 122K.

    Anyway that 250K number looks scary but it’s again spread out over 18 years, the annual cost would be under 14K, and actually in earlier years (when your income is lower) it’s lower still. Since most of that is “money you’d have spent anyway” the real cost of a kid is not actually all that high, and using this tactic to scare kids into some sort of Luann-like behavior doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, since anyone with any actual intelligence would be able to shoot holes in the theory and then dismiss it and any other points you may have to make; once you’ve demonstrated that you are at best an idiot and at worst a self serving liar, nothing else you say even gets the respect of thinking it through.

    Which, come to think of it, is also how congress works.

  63. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#56): An interesting point, as this whole flashback started when ex-Chief Brandon is shot in a break-in at his garden business. Present day Chief Pat Patton orders Tracy not to go to the scene, because he and Tracy were too close to Brandon. Patton orders Sam and Liz to investigate, and the flashback is actually Sam explaining to Liz how Tracy got started way back when.

  64. debussy fields
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    BB– What’s with Miss Buxley’s arms today? That has to be the worst-drawn human being in the history of the comics page!

  65. Esther Blodgett
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Argyle Sweater slips one past the censors. O_o

  66. Droopy Says
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#52): FW: HOW IS THAT A JOKE??? It’s not a coy Plugger-esque use of newfangled terminology to describe The Good Old-Fashioned Way, because the bin where you put business to attend to was always called the in-box and when everything went electronic we just applied the term for the computer file equivalent.

    You have to remember that Batiuk is too smug to have heard of In and Out boxes. We’re about to get a week of Tony Monotony smirking over his Edisonian creativity: “Those things you call an In box? I went one better and invented a real-world In box. It works like an actual box. It’s made of wire so you can see what you have in it. Just yesterday I called a patent attorney and he already has three manufacturers bidding on the rights. I’m going to be even more rich and famous than Les.” At this point Masky McDeath strikes him down, because there can be only one.

  67. Scott Bot
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#64): Obviously you’ve never seen Reply All.

  68. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#64): Look at Gil Thorp and and the horrid mutated claw hands.

  69. Esther Blodgett
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    FW & C’Shaft: Batiuk has yet to learn that Seinfeld was able to get away with “a show about nothing” because the nothing was funny.

    S4th: Ted is a sucker for movies about a beautiful, delicate hand.

    Love Is… A one-night stand with a possible serial killer.

    Bizarro: Laugh-out-loud win.

    Luann: Actually, if you watch your pennies, you can have the kid AND the robot. For one thing, you don’t have to pay for daycare.

  70. Liam
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-His version of a tea party.

    Archie-Oh look dear the red headed killer has struck again. Boy this sure makes me glad we stay at home on Saturday night when crazed people like this wander the streets.

  71. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#67): Wow. Almost as if she was trying to win a contest for worst drawn human ever!

  72. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#48): I have a stack of papers to be tackled this weekend, so boy, I could use some “tomato juice,” too.

    And of course, I need something to calm my nerves, what with all the comics suspense right now: Will Andy do the sensible canine thing, and go in the wrong direction?* Will April be duly impressed by the Drivers’ impressively impressive level of impressive wealth?** Will Spider-Man eventually redeem his reputation as a generally law-abiding but ineffectual super-hero?*** Will it take days—nay, weeks—for Mary Worth to resolve the Great Digit Crisis of 2011?****

    Morning-after congrats to the floaters! And yay, Uncle Lumpy is supervising babysitting enabling this week!

    *Yes.
    **Yes.
    ***Yes.
    ****Yes.

  73. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Winky: “I printed it off and put it into my in-box. Okay. By ‘printing’ I mean I took a dump in the basket. Have fun with *that*, Techno-Boy !”

  74. bats :[
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#21): you attract minions. I know I do. The downside of this is that minions come in all flavors and capabilities, and then you have to sift through them to get the best ones.

  75. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Love is: Introducing her to all your shipmates.

  76. Calico
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#72):
    Yay Uncle Lumpy! Popcorn and Red Bull for all the CC’ers! : D

  77. Cloudbuster
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#25): I thought exactly the same thing! “Where did Sophie come from?” Then I realized it was April. Well, if that’s what Sophie’s going to look like when she grows up, guitar-player boy is very lucky.

    MT: … and Kelly’s inexplicable burst of common sense and intelligence comes crashing to an end. It couldn’t possibly last.

    RMMD: Get used to disappointment, Summer. “Why, oh, why is letting my daughter dress like a whore, using lax, inconsistent discipline, being alternately unsupportive and gullible.

    9CL: In McE’s world, “just had a baby” looks almost exactly like “just had wild, enthusiastic sex. No videos!”

  78. Cloudbuster
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#77): Darn, got distracted and his post too soon “…and gullible not working out well for me?”

  79. Cloudbuster
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    “oenophile” — I totally had to look that up. It sounds way kinkier than it is.

  80. Calico
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#79):
    Lover of wine.
    When I was at University they offered a wine science course (when drinking age was still 18 in VT) – I didn’t take it but a lot of students did, thinking it would be an easy “A” grade – not!
    The average grade was a “C”.

  81. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#62): “once you’ve demonstrated that you are at best an idiot and at worst a self serving liar, nothing else you say even gets the respect of thinking it through.

    Which, come to think of it, is also how congress works.”

    and the DARE program. . . .

  82. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#79): I heard the FBI just busted an Oenphile ring in the Napa Valley. Dirty Grapers !

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#65): further proof that all the editors have been fired.

  84. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    9CL: HOLYCRAPALIENFACEHUGGER !

  85. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Crock: Hot Box = Not So Cool TARDIS.

  86. Comcis Fan
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33):

    Ooooh, got it. Thanks.

  87. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Garfield: Why the hell hasn’t this cat died yet ?

  88. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: “I’m all buffed up and ready for dinner. *sniffsniff* Are you cooking poo ?”

  89. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    as an [OT] note, I saw a corgi while on a walk with Tu’i today. Unfortunately, it wasn’t being very nice, so we continued on our jaunt. The Weimaraner pup we met earlier, on the other hand, was all sorts of friendly, and a nice romp was had.

  90. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#87): same reason Walt Wallet is still alive.

  91. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#90): Hell…Skeezix should be long dead !

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#91): Slim is Too Stupid To Live, but that’s a different matter.

  93. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#89): To redeem that flawed corgi, here’s a superior version.

  94. anonymous
    October 8th, 2011 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m dying to see this pool party, the party of the year, where all the cool kids are going. That lying sack of shit Kelly’s ugly, shave-headed, prematurely aged boyfriend is going to be there? This I’m dying to see – between his general skankiness and cute habit of cutting, he’ll be floating in the water like a disgusting used bacteria ridden bandaid. Is this pool party actually in the daytime??? Home before 6? I don’t think so.

  95. zerowolf
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: A week of Mary reading a book while thinking about Gina and Bobby. I can hardly contain my ZZZzzzzzzzz

  96. zerowolf
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    FC: Silly Jeffy, he can’t tell the difference between a rock and dried dog shit.

  97. zerowolf
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: Staff meeting agenda: Petition Congress to change October to “My Dear Dead Lisa Month.”

  98. AhClem
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#29):

    JP – A Spencer’s bus is a mass-ive display of wealth. But, they are job creators! Think of all the people employed fixing the roads that bus drives over, and all the soldiers deployed around the world to make sure there is enough oil to make the gas to fill that thing up. It makes you wonder, yet again, who the intended audience is for this strip’s opulence porn.

    Sam and Abby are going to take smugness to stratospheric levels when they place a large “WE ARE THE 1 PERCENT” banner on the side of the RV and drive through the crowds picketing Wall Street.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33):

    Speaking of great hypothetical piano deliveries, I’m pleased to report that my dad’s grand piano has been picked up by the movers and will be installed in my upstairs living room in something less than two weeks. I don’t actually know how much less, but after all the time I put in finding, talking to, and comparing potential movers, it’s a triumph to have gotten this far.

    Now all you need is a helium balloon, video camera and a nubile blonde nymphomaniac.

  99. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#93): much superior! thanks!

    (did you see the Canadian bulldog pic earlier?)

  100. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    JP: The Spencers’ riciculous unearned good fortune may pay some dividends after all, if Randy goes into a funk on seeing how much better his old law partner is doing. You know, the one who didn’t run for judge.

    Phantom: As plot twists go, this isn’t one. Then again what we’ve seen so far doesn’t really count as a plot. (BTW, kudos to Uncle Lumpy on the great, brain-breaking phrase “Ciudad Jardin’s slower Rusty Trail.)

    S4th: Nothing in the comics today has made me laugh as much as the “It’s a movie!” blurb on the poster.

    MW: I wonder why Mary has a portrait photo of Virginia Woolf on her endtable. Not afraid of her, I assume.

    S-M: Scrawny Triple J is now being drawn as an evil marionette. One of these days a villain is going to take him hostage by holding a pair of scissors over his head.

    Momma: I didn’t realize that Knute was penpals with Ted Forth.

    Popeye: Olive is stuck in cement, and the only one around to save her is the baby she smacked around the day before. I know this can’t last, so let’s just enjoy the moment.

    9CL: The doctor just got one of those unnatural Patterson-muppet smiles on his face. No wonder Dianne is blocking him out.

    BB: You can still do better than warmed-up Alpo, Ms Buxley.

    Blondie: Blondie is quite secure in her own beauty, and isn’t threatened by her husband saying that other women are attractive. He just needs to take his hands out of his pants first.

    FC: Original caption reads, “Hey, that couple that just moved in have a 2 year old daughter and they only been married a year. Can Billy and me join in the stoning?”

  101. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @AeroSquid (#85): Except I’d like to think that the Doctor Who writers could come up with a cleverer Exorcist riff.

  102. Joe Blevins
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

  103. sporknpork
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    The Phantom, guest-starring Gunsmoke‘s James Arness.

  104. Mars
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Josh sure takes a lot of vacations. How strenuous can writing goofy captions for bad comic strips actually be?

  105. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#98): re: JP: Over perhaps simply mowing them down, as in William Carlos Williams’s version.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#99): Yes. That bulldog is doing what I wish I were doing this weekend (snoozing outside).

  106. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    on the webcomic front, Sinfest has gone from Vespavenger Year One to a straight-up Matrix port. (it’s going to be Anviliscious, I suspect.)

  107. Snuggs
    October 8th, 2011 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    “…and they’re spray-painting everything! Look, they already covered the crowd with a uniform coat of blue paint, the monsters!!”

  108. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#27): And two of the three soaps you mention have the same writer today. Of course if Woody Wilson wrote A3G Margo would own an island-country by now.

  109. sporknpork
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Church bus? You can’t fool me. Plugger mass transit involves transporting dangerous criminals from medium-security county jails to maximum-security federal institutions.

    MW: “Whatever happens… Gina will finally know her destiny by meeting it head on! She’ll never see it coming… She’ll never suspect a thing. Nobody will… I’m not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching… they’ll see. They’ll see and they’ll know, and they’ll say, ‘Why, she wouldn’t even harm a fly…’ Watch out, Gina… because I AM MARY WORTH! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

  110. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#108): Margovania.

    population 1 Margo, and several dozen rentbois. (at least one of which can go drag as Tommie)

  111. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Here we see Mary after a particularly successful meddle.

  112. CanuckDownSouth
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#62): They’re probably dealing with something like this:

    http://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator

    I don’t have kids but I know people who do and it sounds bizarre to me. They seem to think that having a kid automatically means you’ll upgrade your housing and vehicles to the tune of several thousand dollars a year relative to what you’d get without kids. I’m sure there are some considerations (food of course, a bigger house for several kids, a minivan that will cost more than a small car) but it seems way out of proportion.

    Childless couples want houses in the same neighbourhoods as many families and many couples figure out the house they want then proceed to have kid(s). Childless couples may get a car that costs about as much as one that can haul a small family. Heck, singles could, too.

  113. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#108): You gotta admire Wilson’s productivity. Gosh, he has to write like six, maybe ten lines everyday, in two separate stories! He’s like Anthony Trollope or Louis Lamour, or maybe Andrew Sullivan. Just a force of nature, really.

  114. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#102): Hate to discourage anyone’s creative outlet, but, you know it’s possible that this idea’s getting a little tired.

  115. Ian Beste
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Mars (#104): Really, it’s what reading FW, the ‘Shaft, Crock, MW et al. on a daily basis does to one’s brain. That you need a va-kay from..

  116. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#111): Where in the world did you find THAT!

  117. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#116): Question mark.

  118. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#98): The thought never crossed my mind. Stop looking at me like that!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#117): The character would appear to be Jack Kirby’s evil Granny Goodness — who I kept expecting to be outfoxed by Sugar Bear — but it’s definitely a post-Kirby drawing of her. (They should let Steve Rude handle the Kirby characters. The Dude draws a dead-on version of his Fourth World stuff.)

  119. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#114): Actually, I sort of love that folks feel free to pursue their own creative impulses or internet obsessions or squee-licious pursuits, all under the broad comically curmudgeonly umbrella. I don’t click on every link, though, and I sometimes skim lengthier contributions—but it’s fine with me if stuff is posted here even if I’m not taking the time to read all of it.

    In other words: Stagger on, you crazy ziggy-zombies!

  120. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#116): by googling “granny goodness + mary worth” :D

    the top results on “web” are both from the CC (top result is mine!!!), but the “images” results yielded that particular horrorshow.

  121. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#120): and the dialog in-panel made the joke work.

  122. Spotts1701
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Okay, so how many gallons to the mile does that behemoth Road Queen get? Or does it run on the blood and souls of the poor people that are killed from the toxicity of Sam Driver’s smugness?

  123. Liam
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#122): It gets one city zero highway on gasoline.

  124. Walker of Dog
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#21): If you have to ask how to get minions, you’re not ready. It’s best to start small and work your way up. Walmart carries several brands of sidekicks, toadies and hangers-on.

    @bats :[ (#24): I noticed that too. I think April’s upper lip is swollen, or maybe she’s dipping snuff.

    @commodorejohn (#54): That’s just some poor fool who failed to heed Mary’s advice. She taunts him as she peruses The Book: “Page 54… well look here, it’s that incantation that would free your soul… Aaaand page 55… ooh, a way to turn old hosiery and rosemary branches into a lovely, aromatic plant hanger. That Martha Stewart really knows her shit.”

  125. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#122): at last, Neuroi miasma explained!!!

  126. Frank Lee Meidere
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#62):

    … since anyone with any actual intelligence would be able to shoot holes in the theory and then dismiss it and any other points you may have to make; once you’ve demonstrated that you are at best an idiot and at worst a self serving liar, nothing else you say even gets the respect of thinking it through.

    Excellent point. And that is how I came to do marijuana.

  127. GotFuzzy
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Where in NYC is the Mills Gallery located? It’s not in the usual A3G coral-pink section of town, as demonstrated by the circus-peanut orange storefront. Is it too much to ask that it’s near the financial district, so that we can see the Queen’s minions meet up with the Occupy Wall Street folks and the resulting performance art/street theatre anarchistic extravagana? And by “see” I mean, of course, read the description of the off-panel action.

  128. Red Greenback
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Bravo, Brad Wesner! You have come up with a great boilerplate Pluggers caption. Case in point. It works so well on a great percentage of Pluggers strips because Pluggers are fat.

  129. Swordsmith
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#112): Yeah, that’s the sort of thing I question. For example on their list, they show “childcare and education” as nearly as high as housing, the biggest figure on the chart. But aside from a few years where you need childcare/daycare (if you’re a single parent with no support group, so you need the care while you are at work. Wasn’t the case for me, but I’m willing to concede it’s a cost for a few years), for most of the 18 years the cost for that is nill, and if you put your child in public school, the cost there is also fairly close to zero. I home schooled my kids, which means I spent upwards of $400 per child per year. But that’s a drop in the bucket considering they post $3000 per child per year. When you put wacky assumptions like that into your chart, sure, you’re going to get wacky numbers out.

  130. Cloudbuster
    October 8th, 2011 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#98): “Now all you need is a helium balloon, video camera and a nubile blonde nymphomaniac.”

    Well, that’s all stuff that pretty much everyone has laying around, isn’t it? What?

  131. Cloudbuster
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#129): We homeschool, too — being doing it through 25 years of homeschooling. Though the direct costs are quite low, some would say you have to factor in the lost potential income. An entire second income is a pretty big cost. But it’s well worth it to us, obviously.

  132. Master Mahan
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    If I were April, I’d be less concerned about the size of some bus and more concerned about the parasitic worms escaping Randy’s mouth.

  133. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#126): I remember that book, The Marihuana Papers – my story is astonishingly similar to yours. Health class in school and they showed a film about a guy who succumbed to peer pressure and smoked a joint. He’s about to step off the sidewalk on to the street, and instead of the normal six inch drop, he sees the Grand Canyon. Then he gets in a car and is inching down the street at ten mph, which he perceives to be about ninety, laughing maniacally. He comes to a bad end, of course. I don’t remember at what point I became suspicious of the veracity of this cinema gem.

  134. John C Fremont
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#98): @Cloudbuster (#130): Yeah, like who doesn’t need a helium balloon, a video camera and a nubile blonde nymphomaniac?

    Hey I was just now googling songs about minions and came upon this. As Joel Robinson might say, what do you think, sirs?

    Say, TV’s Frank is sort of miniony…

  135. UncleJeff
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    AhClem@98: Sam and Abby are going to take smugness to stratospheric levels when they place a large “WE ARE THE 1 PERCENT” banner on the side of the RV and drive through the crowds picketing Wall Street.

    At 40 miles per hour. With Abbey at the wheel and Sam sticking his bare ass out the window (just to disappoint those JP followers who would’ve liked to see it the other way around).

  136. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Something to remember if you’re thinking of being a minion. (Last panel, black word balloon.)

  137. Jamus The Bartender
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    9CL: “How wonderful. Not even the riches of Solomon nor the lillies of the field could compare to the beauty of this, my first child….Oh. My. God. Do NOT take pictures of me, I am so UGLY!!!”

  138. bats :[
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    AKA, “You know you’re a whore when…”

    (Welcome back, AeroSquid!!)

  139. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#126): Apropos of nothing, I was reading about the 13th US president (in ref. to a comic strip Which Shall Not Be Named) and came across the infamous bathtub hoax of H.L. Mencken, which I had actually first heard about from an article you did somewhere or ‘nother. Good stuff.

  140. bats :[
    October 8th, 2011 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Pththththth on Dead Lisa…well, not quite, but there are many more vibrant women in the comics that get the message across, AND we don’t have to deal with mopey Les. (Click left to get the whole panel.)

  141. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#138): I LOVE YOU BATS :[

  142. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 8th, 2011 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#134): Wonderful, thanks for the song!
    (I think of TV’s Frank as being more of a toady, or lickspittle. But that’s just me.)

  143. Walker of Dog
    October 8th, 2011 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    JP: AAAH! the deadly FLYING VINE SNAKE!

    MW: If Gina leaves Phoenix for Santa Royale going 60 mph, and two hours later a drunken, sleep-deprived trucker leaves Santa Royale for Phoenix at 70 mph, how long until Gina meets her destiny head on?

    Phan: Based on El Guerrero’s appearance in his civilian guise, those trapezius muscles are inflatable.

    Plug: Regular mass transit isn’t suitable for the Elect. Pluggers are Calvinists.

    S-M: The Daily Bugle elevator: Elisha Otis and Euclid say No.

  144. Mustang
    October 8th, 2011 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Hey Uncle Lumpy. Funny as hell you are, and thanks to Josh for anointing you again.

  145. Ruby
    October 8th, 2011 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    I thought you might need the commentary from Wikipedia on Bloody Mary:
    In stories where Mary is supposed to have been wrongly accused of killing her children, the querent might say “I believe in Mary Worth.” This is similar to another game involving the summoning of the Bell Witch in a mirror at midnight. The game is often a test of courage and bravery, as it is said that if Bloody Mary is summoned, she would proceed to kill the summoner in an extremely violent way, such as ripping their face off, scratching their eyes out, cutting their head off, driving them insane, bringing them into the mirror with her or scratching their neck, causing serious injury or death.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloody_Mary_(folklore)

  146. Lenoxus
    October 8th, 2011 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    What exactly is the joke in Archie? Is it that Fred’s seemingly cheerful demeanor is covering up his stress? If so, is said stress more about Archie getting into trouble, or about his wife getting mad about Fred giving Archie the car? If I’m not close, then I fail to see how it’s anything but a simple gag-free conversation…

  147. Écureuil Écumant
    October 8th, 2011 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    JP: Panel 2, well, Randy, you know a microwave cure gives you a harsh smoke. Can’t you even wait like a day?

  148. AeroSquid
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#146): *toilet flush sound* and you know what else I like ? Betty and Veronica. Those two are threesome gold. They look *exactly* alike except for the hair. Shave all there hair off and you got this hot THX-1138 stubble thing going on. Amiright ?

  149. Frank Lee Meidere
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#139): Thanks. It’s a small world, isn’t it? A rather odd thing happened a couple of years ago. I’d written a purely satirical piece answering various questions asked in old rock songs, one of which was “Who Wrote the Book of Love.” In it, I made up a story about Jeremy Sichmore, a county clerk in North Dakota who wrote a book about love back in the early 1900s. A few months later, in a completely unrelated search, I ran across my “explanation” being given as fact in a forum.

    Really, really small world.

  150. Ukulele Ike
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#106): I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve never watched The Matrix, so I’m completely clueless about today’s Sinfest.

    I will say that, although I LOVE The Sisterhood, I’m somewhat peeved that the INCREDIBLY COOL SINFEST SHIT that was going on last week — Lil’ Evil dipping into the river Lethe, New Devil Girl acquiring shooz, plot developments in the Fuschia/Criminy/Baby Blue subplots — all got pushed aside.

  151. Ukulele Ike
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#123): Road Queen doesn’t run on gasoline. Road Queen runs on the smoldering bodies of poor people stuffed into the firebox of its steam engine.

  152. un malpaso
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G is just like a classic Victorian novel… you have to use your imagination to picture everything in your head, and the characters meander around for years without anything ever really happening.

    Honestly, the art is so quarter-assed, they should just bag the pictures and convert it into a three-panel-space of text. Except that even the text would be dead boring.
    “Today, Margo said something sarcastic, and a man delivered a beautiful piano!”

  153. Dagger
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    The front of that RV looks disturbingly like a face. You can almost see the thought bubble declaring, “These plebs dare approach me after pulling up in a car that’s not next year’s model?? Their blood shall fill my radiator soon…”

  154. Sgt. Stoned
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    MT: ooooo-la-la, Kelly eez quite familiar with ze location of Mallotte’s “fishing” camp, n’cest pas?

    MW: Is that an autographed photo of Bobby Black sitting on Mary’s end table?

  155. Red Greenback
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    ROCKY LEDGE… HERE? USE… CAUTION? MAY BE… SLIPPERY?

  156. geekwhisperer
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    FW- Tony has printed the meeting items and put it in his physical “In Box”. Ummm…why the “In”? Wouldn’t that be “Out”? It’s an outgoing item. Jesus, he can’t even get the anti-technology joke right.

    No, wait, I get it. We’re going into an extended storyline about brain tumors. Tony’s is currently the diameter of a peperoni slice. This should be fun.

  157. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#150): don’t worry, UkI, Sinfest is really good about wrapping up loose ends.

    “shooz!”

    BOMF!

  158. AhClem
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#140): Who knew that Abby was doing some serious foreshadowing when she referred to them as “Winnebagos?” Of course, that monster RV she just bought could carry a real Winnebago in the trunk as a spare.

  159. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 8th, 2011 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    Soup to Nutz — Actually, they think he’s a Moop, Bubble Boy!

  160. Trillian
    October 8th, 2011 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Wait a minute! Look at the return address. Eugene sent that letter in the SAME TOWN where Lucy lived. Why the heck didn’t he just, oh, I don’t know, stop by and see her? Call her on the telephone (since it’s obviously not long distance)? Either one would have been better than a letter that could have been lost by the post office or swiped by a bitterly jealous sibling. Did Lucy just assume he died in the war or something? Why didn’t she ask around? Is this whole town full of rotting buildings and dumbasses?

  161. Ukulele Ike
    October 8th, 2011 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    Is that a rhetorical question….?

  162. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 8th, 2011 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#14): I must conclude that he has decided it’s safer and/or strategically wiser to head for Johnny Malotte’s fish camp.

    No and no — Andy just wants to roll in the putrid pile of fish guts Johnny Malotte tossed outside his cabin!

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33): It’s the one with the duck.

    Aflac?

  163. zerowolf
    October 9th, 2011 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#143): “MW: If Gina leaves Phoenix for Santa Royale going 60 mph, and two hours later a drunken, sleep-deprived trucker leaves Santa Royale for Phoenix at 70 mph, how long until Gina meets her destiny head on?”

    Hmmmm… about six months?

  164. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 9th, 2011 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#162): We do Not. Talk. About AFLAC.

    It’s not a policy or anything, it’s just something that never happens.

  165. Trillian
    October 9th, 2011 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#161): Of course.

    I think we were wrong about Masky. He’s not coming for Lillian, he’s coming for Eugene. Unless he’s already dead and I forgot, in which case disregard this post.

  166. commodorejohn
    October 9th, 2011 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @Trillian (#165): He was un-croaked at Lucy’s funeral (OH TRAGIC IRONY TRULY BATIUK YOU ARE A MASTER WRITER FOR THAT TWIST O’ THE KNIFE,) so I’m thinking that’s probably what he’s going for here.

  167. ElkMeadow
    October 9th, 2011 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Mail slots in a hotel. How long ago was that?

    And shall we call Gina, “Lily,” and Bobby, “Eugene”?

    We still didn’t learn why Bobby was at the front desk. Did he forget his keys? Was he checking for messages? (Which, back in my day, was how people got their messages, at the front desk, not by delivery by a fake commie mouth-breather.)

    I call that team-member will give Gina a call, and make it a love-triangle. And that the story line will go until Christmas.

    PV: A family get-together. Well, daughter-in-law Mauve and the kid are both out of the picture–in fact, she doesn’t even get any credit in this day’s strip for helping save Aleta–and Galen is in Jerusalem, but yeah, it’s a family picnic. Nathan doesn’t look a day older than when I had to give up the Sunday papers a couple of decades ago.

    Looks like the Harry Potter cross-over magical theme is going to continue. until Christmas.

  168. Lee
    October 9th, 2011 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    Villainsource.com, for all your minion-equipping, doomsday device, and evil-lair needs!

    And as for Apt. 3-G, lately I have been more than half-tempted to redraw each strip that comes out for a week or so, just to see if it can be made more interesting with, oh, visuals that aren’t just shoulder-up talking heads. I’m pretty sure someone’s posted links to some of Frank Bolle’s old stuff, so it’s not like he can’t draw bodies… I guess if you can get away with doing the minimum, well, why not?

  169. Droopy Says
    October 9th, 2011 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Every time Spiderman goes somewhere, he whines about how he’s doing something stupid. When he gets in trouble, he whines about how stupid it is. When he somehow gets out, he whines about the stupid mess he was in. That’s why we like Spiderman: he’s consistent.

    Creepy Les: Earlier this year people said that the Earth would be destroyed in October, when Comet Elenin jumped out of its orbit and hit us. In late August Comet Elenin disintegrated. Doomsday averted. But now Creepy Les is criticizing Tony Monotony for his abuse of the English language. When the Apocalypse is coming, the warning signs will crop up anywhere.

    Shoe: When you finally come up with a good pun, you want to save it for a Sunday strip and milk it for all it’s worth.

    A3G: Amazing, isn’t it, how they can spend an entire Sunday strip not showing any action. Or were all those people painting one another blue? Incidentally, who got the idea that spray-painting people is harmless? Someone is going to present the art gallery with an impressive dry-cleaning bill.

    Family Circus: Mommy has to check the toothbrushes for recent use, because she won’t get close enough to the melonheads to smell their fetid breath.

    The Abusing Spiderman: Yes, a picture of Jameson assaulting a handcuffed prisoner while two cops stand by will be just the thing to make trouble for Spiderman. Meanwhile, the Bungle should report the real news: the sudden drop in organized crime activity. Remember that all the local mob bosses are sitting in an abandoned theater, twiddling their thumbs while the Big Boss promises to destroy Spiderman, eventually, somehow.

  170. Cormac828
    October 9th, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker – is it just me or does Rocky Ledge’s tour bus look like some giant metal monster getting ready to pounce? Look at the headlamps and what’s in between them.

  171. John
    October 9th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    for all your minion-equipping, doomsday device, and evil-lair needs!

    And as for Apt. 3-G, lately I have been more than half-tempted to redraw each strip that comes out for a week or so, just to see if it can be made more interesting with, oh, visuals that aren’t just shoulder-up talking heads. I’m pretty sure someone’s posted links to some of Frank Bolle’s old stuff, so it’s not like he can’t draw bodies… I guess if you can get away with doing the minimum, well, why not?

  172. Joe Blevins
    October 12th, 2011 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    (today’s zomby) offers us all the opportunity to finally determine who is the greatest rapping Hitler of all time?

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