The Comics Curmudgeon

Main content:

All we are saying is give Clambake a chance

Gil Thorp, 6/28/07

Milford’s boys of late spring aren’t content to let the softball team get all the glory when comes to insane and pointless acts of dogooderism. Today we see that the Milford baseball team is on a “peace tour” of the Middle East: they’ve injected themselves with an experimental growth serum and are now sixty feet tall, and are playing a series of baseball games along the West Bank separation barrier to cow the locals with their Godzilla-like might and force peaceful existence upon them. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to have worked, as Clambake has apparently been beheaded by a radical Islamic Jihad splinter cell, presumably because he wouldn’t SHUT UP with his filthy infidel Negro League lies.

Mary Worth, 6/28/07

You know what? I want to see more flirting in Mary Worth. Honest. And then the sex. Because any sex that results from this ham-handed danse l’amour will be so awkward and excruciating, it’ll be like pornographic performance art. And if there’s one thing I want to see in the funnies, it’s pornographic performance art.

Man, those Charterstone pool parties have some good grub — a bowl of French fries, a bowl of yams, and a bowl of off-color hard-boiled eggs. Mmm-mmm! I also love the huge, brutalist set of concrete stairs that lead nowhere. Presumably that empty platform at the top is the altar for human sacrifices. You’re it, Dr. Drew! Lottery in June, corn be heavy soon!

Judge Parker, 6/28/07

I moved away from the Bay Area five years ago now, but I still feel a lot of affection for it. I knew that the state was having trouble paying for the new eastern span of the Bay Bridge, but I don’t see how painting the Golden Gate Bridge grey is going save any money.

Pluggers, 6/28/07

You’re a plugger if everything you own is garbage.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 28, 2007 at 02:03 pm and is filed under Gil Thorp, Judge Parker, Mary Worth, Pluggers.

245 responses to “All we are saying is give Clambake a chance”

Kdog
June 28th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

When did Ming the Merciless start calling color commentary at High School ballgames?
Uncle Lumpy
June 28th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

JP — I was so amazed they got the geography right, I chalked the bridge color up to fog.
MossMoses
June 28th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

Doc Drew and Vera should quit the flirting and beating around the bush, climb to the top of the Charterstone sacrificial altar, drop trou’ and copulate then and there like a couple of mammals on the discovery channel. That’ll surely set those gossipy tongues wagging! Vera’s ponytail will be the perfect oral sex handle, too!
Darkefang
June 28th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

Wow, I got an early post two days in a row! Too bad I have nothing important to say.

A3G: Alan is the man Dr. Hooo has been dreaming of?

Archie: In the real world, “I’m taking you to a drive-in movie” is code for “I want to grope you in my car for two hours.” Betty might want to start dating outside Riverdale if that’s what passes for romantic there.

DT: If we set a trap, you are going to kill Anne Coulter? I’ll go ahead and tell you, we’re definitely setting a trap. Oh, woe is us.

FW: Impressive. Cancer and heartbreak in one strip. What, there wasn’t any room left for dead kittens or molested children?

GT: Jim Gross is so distraught about giving up that home run that he’s unaware of the fact that he’s talking to Clambake’s dismembered floating head.

MT: I have to wonder just how lucrative this little scheme is, anyway. When local governments do things like build airports, they usually just claim eminent domain and then pay the property owner the low end of the fair market value. If that land has no other potential uses other than an airport, its FMV is going to be pretty low. Maybe these evil commissioners have a secret plan to raise the value of their property that involves shooting hampsters at the real estate appraiser?

MW: Vera seems chipper for someone who just got punched in the eye. Or is she about to head out to a Marilyn Manson concert?

RMMD: Am I seeing drunk bubbles above Hugh’s head? What a lightweight. They only had one bottle of wine, and were sharing it between three people. I guess he’s lucky that Heather didn’t make beer-battered fish, or he’d be passed out on the kitchen floor by now.
mere cog in the machine
June 28th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

Has it not already been established that “Clamfake” is a fraud? That he did not, in fact, play for the Rosewater Indiana Sawmakers? Am I missing something?
schlimmerkerl
June 28th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

Oh, drat. Thought i was going to be “first”. Oh well, now that we’re here, let’s seeâ€¦ hmâ€¦ Okay. “Pluggers”. They’reâ€¦ sadâ€¦very, very sadâ€¦
The Divine Oâ€™F
June 28th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

I have pretty much stopped reading DTGT, because not only does it not make any sense–except as a tale of aliens trying to pass for humans–it gives me a headache. So I just let my eyes slide right over it, subconsciously keeping attention on the possibility that the Mother Ship will pop up. Which is what I thought Clambake’s head was at first. Thanks, Josh, for reading this strip so I don’t have to.

And thanks for starting a new thread. I was just thinking I ought to post to the old one to end it, but really had nothing at all to say.
Wellsey
June 28th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

I liked how Heather was drawn as Two-Face in RMMD today. Now that she’s got Hugh drowsy and tipsy from all the food and wine, time to show her true alter-ego self. I admit, that’s a storyline I didn’t foresee.
Sergeant in the Free Time Army
June 28th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

MW: How can Dr. Jeff be attracted to Vera, given that in 75% of her renderings, she appears to be undead? Also, did she take a punch inbetween panels 1 and 2? Because that looks like a hell of a shiner she’s sporting in panel 2. Perhaps this is part of Dr. Jeff’s attempts to liven up the party, or he just really, really misunderstands flirting. Given the total lack of sex in this strip, I’d say he wouldn’t be alone there, which in a strange twist of fate, would ensure he stays alone.
mere cog in the machine
June 28th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

What that Charterstone pool party needs is Annie Sprinkle.
Matt Ramone
June 28th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

You’re a Plugger if down and out people are too good for your personal belongings.
Dan Coyle
June 28th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

In hell, you get to see the O-faces of the residents of Charterstone.
Dennis Jimenez
June 28th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth the Movie – directed by Mel Gibson – boxoffice boffo!
Matt Ramone
June 28th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

Also, this might be old news, but I just found out and I’m excited about it.

Gil Thorp is written by a co-writer to the Left Behind series of books. This somehow makes GT even more baffling, which is pretty hard to do considering a new plot starts in every panel.
MossMoses
June 28th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

9. Actually Sarge, that’s Doctor Jefferson Cory’s son, (Doctor) Drew Cory but it’s understandable how you would confuse the two since the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Maybe that shiner was from Von’s parting shot in their treacly reconciliation.
Woodforsheep
June 28th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

JP is channeling MT now? Yeah, San Fran’s gonna lose a heck of a lot of money rebuilding that bridge after the giant seabird attack.
Lettuce
June 28th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

Wow. Shan…non..’s really getting a big head here, which leaves her just a few inches shy of being the world’s least politically correct bobblehead.

I assume future generations will read about it in the Slow Testiment, in which God’s only slow child gives a Sermon on the Table, (highlighted in red) that will be used for generations as fodder for various stilted jihads and stammering fatwas.
Martin Wisse
June 28th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

What?

No love for FOOB, again?
mere cog in the machine
June 28th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

14: It’s news to me. Dean Booth’s portrayal of Clambake’s crucifiction is starting to make alot more sense now.
Poppinjay
June 28th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

I bet Vera’s safe word is “dysfunctional”. Or maybe, “corny old joke”.
Paperback Rifler
June 28th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

So I could only eke out two verses; but feel free to round it out with some primal screaming if the mood hits you. Apologies to John Lennon and to everybody everywhere:

Ev’rybody’s talking ’bout
Fastballs, forkballs, knuckleballs, breaking balls,
Big balls, little balls,
Fuzzy balls, crooked balls, balls, balls, balls

All we are say-ing: Give Clambake a chance
All we are say-ing: Give Clambake a chance

Ev’rybody’s talking ’bout
Clambakes, old flakes,
Dull gabbing, shoulder-grabbing,
Magic Negroes, Milford zeroes,
Fish fries and weird guys; bye-bye, bye-bye

All we are say-ing: Give Clambake a chance
All we are say-ing: Give Clambake a chance
Josh
June 28th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

#14 Matt Ramone-

Sadly, Jerry Jenkins (the Left Behind guy) stopped writing Gil Thorp back in 2004 (though the rumor was that his son, a college baseball coach, was doing most of the writing anyway). I prefer to imagine that since his departure, what we’re seeing are the damned souls wandering around the post-apocolyptic hellscape. And Clambake is the Anti-Christ. PRINCE OF LIES!!!

Josh
Lettuce
June 28th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

You know, if you take today’s Gil Thorpe, cut out everything in between the announcer’s “Evil Spock” goatee and Clambake’s librarian glasses, you get a really uninspiring version of the Transformers movie poster.

I’m assuming the announcer turns into a truck. Clambake turns into a steamer pot filled with bay spices.
Amy
June 28th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

I for one love how Drew Corey highlights his hair to match his shirt. I can’t wait until he wears something with stripes!
andreavis
June 28th, 2007 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

I think JP’s grey bridge is a fakeout, to misdirect the teeming hordes of tourists away from Marin County. Imagine Vera and Burl’s expressions when, instead of beautiful Sausalito,they find themselves in downtown Oakland. Fun times!
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

GT – What is that climbing the dugout wall in panel 3? A giant mutant snail? Does it keep the inside of the dugout clean?
Rocky Jones
June 28th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

The Chron’s online comic page is not letting me see FOOB. It’s okay, I’m not sure I want to.

Just a couple of comments:

JP The second panel looks a lot like one from Jack Elrod. Especially since the dialogue appears to be taking place between two support cables. I guess we should consider ourselves lucky; if Elrod were actually drawing it, the gulls would be talking.

Pluggers In complete seriousness, I can tell you that the charity-donation folks hate it when you give them worthless stuff. People often try to get rid of their junk by donating it, and Goodwill does not like to be used as a trash removal service. So this one actually rings true to me, counter to the conservative, country-Americana pseudo-folksy worldview prevalent in the strip.

FW I’m not really following this storyline (my previous experience with it was back when I was 14, apparently it’s changed for the dark and brooding?) so I’ll just say: damn, that’s a small cell phone. You could swallow that thing.
Anonymous
June 28th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

Oh that is so not fair. Those goodwill people are so picky. Its like our furniture is never good enough. Im not a plugger….am I? Seriously, my family has never been able to pawn off our furniture onto those lousy dogooders…..
Harry Worth
June 28th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

At #9 Sergeant in the Free Time Army said:

MW: How can Dr. Jeff be attracted to Vera, given that in 75% of her renderings, she appears to be undead?

Not to pick nits, but I like my girlfriends not only to appear undead but also be undead.

I really got tired of the whole zombie dating scene.
Dr. Marion
June 28th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

Just another heads up on Lu Ann – she’s doing fine. the only two possible dangers were brain damage and death – and she’s not dead. I expect a complete recovery.
Ape
June 28th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

Somehow I get the feeling so-called ladies’ man Dr. Drew is more used to hitting on, say, cows, and is thus pleasantly intrigued by the idea of a female with speech-capabilities, much less the ability to make a lame joke.

It’s either cows or pre-teen girls, and for my personal comfort I’m going with the cattle.
Garbage Man
June 28th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

Ok, just when I thought FOOB couldn’t get any more unrealistic about Shan–non.

It’s this kind of ham-handed morality play that turns most people off of organized religion and public service announcements.

Unless… we later find Shan–non in a gutter, having been kicked out of her group home for turning tricks to score Oxycontin, muttering, “I could have made a difference, I SHOULD have made a difference…”
Brown-eyed Girl
June 28th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

MW — Dr. Drew Cory’s notorious success with women must be the result of the $50 he pays them after each “date.”
Indexer
June 28th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Last year, I had a couch rejected by the Salvation Army. We then offered it for free on Craig’s List and had three interested people within an hour of posting the listing. We Boulderites like to think we’re all sophistimacated, but I guess everyone is a Plugger deep down.
Bobdog
June 28th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

International Orange is expensive, even in bulk.
Proteus
June 28th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Clambake.

Ever since he showed up and we learned, to our surprise, that he played in the Negro Leagues (and that’s he’s therefore Black, which we would never have guessed), I keep thinking about the webimfamous Old Negro Space Program.

http://www.negrospaceprogram.com/

I post the link with trepidation. Depending on your point of view it either runs right up to the edge of racism, or briskly crosses that line like an olympic miler. It’s real target is the standard conventions of historical documentaries, and I appreciate its attention to nuance, or detail, if you will. But it isn’t for everyone and I’m curious to know what other mudgeons think.
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Josh, those you may be jumping to conclusions about those off-color eggs being hard-boiled. They may be raw and they may be responsible for Vera’s sudden digestive distress in panel 3.
Chat Noir
June 28th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Everyone’s always throwing up in their mouths a little on this site. Why keep it to yourself? Go up to Corbeil, Ontario, and throw up a LOT on Lynn Johnston. Even if you’re sick over Funky Winkerbean or Gil Thorp, aim for LJ anyway.
minosbull
June 28th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Today’s Pluggers is just sad. Not only is the subject of abject poverty pretty grim to begin with, the strip is just drawn to look sad. The drawer hanging out evokes thoughts of two downcast beady eyes, about to drown in tears of long-since spilled alcohol. Tomorrow’s strip reads. “You’re a plugger if you never graduated high school and can’t write your own suicide note.”
Mac
June 28th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

I note that Pluggers is a “Classic”. I don’t think that Brookins knows what a “classic” is, but this insinuates that it’s a rerun, or worse, that’s it’s a new drawing of an old contribution.

Though that may not be such a bad thing, if it means they’re short of contributions.
AhClem
June 28th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

MT – As a result of a couple of bird strikes, the city is going to move the airport. Right. Never mind the fact that a new airport takes years of planning and public hearings before land is acquired and dirt starts flying. This is especially true at a major airport like this one (as evidenced by the jumbo jets landing a couple of months ago — yesterday in MT time). By the time these evil commissioners see any profit from their land, they will have been dead for many years (longer if Mark’s RHO’J hits the right spot).

“Mr. President, we’ve had numerous reports of pigeons shitting on the White House roof. I think we should tear it down and build a new one in Nebraska.”
Plasma
June 28th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

I admit, I came rather late to the hating-Foob game. I used to kind of like it, because real-time aging is one of my favourite things in any fictional medium anywhere. Then I was exposed to all the scorn you guys had for it, and I became rather ambivalent. But this latest storyline has just pushed me over the edge into full-blown Foob hatery. So… many… problems!
A cleft palate does not a ‘tard make!
If a girl stands on a table in a high school lunchroom, they will not listen to what she has to say. Even if she’s a tard, there will be at least one utterance of ‘take it off!’
That’s assuming that anybody notices in the uncontrollable din. If the cafeteria supervisor with her gym whistle can’t make them shut up, then a ‘tard standing on a table certainly won’t.
If the object of picking-ons stands up and makes an impassioned, hard-to-understand, dumb little speech, she will simply be mocked and picked on harder. Probably food will be thrown at her.
But most of all, A CLEFT PALATE DOES NOT A ‘TARD MAKE.
SecretMargo
June 28th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

MW: I was so caught up in the swell of awkward violins grinding away that I missed the “Dr. Drew Corey” thing. Between this and 9CL, I’m tempted to think there’s something in the water besides the desperate cannonballer who’s currently inhaling a lungful of sweet, chlorinated escape as our limp Lothario leaks banter down his leg.

But at least Drew’s kidding. What he’s about to find out is that Vera isn’t. The fabled altercation with Von she alluded to was her refusal to lure unsuspecting prey for his modest but satisfying dalliance in snuff film auteurism. Vera’s overcome her initial distaste now that she’s “typecast” a few homeless victims herself behind the Diner of Lost Souls, and her reconciliation with Von “promoted” her to trolling pool parties for pinker, cleaner victims. No doubt White Soft And Spongy, MD will be a hit amongst connoisseurs of WASP-grinding degradation, but it’s likely nothing will rival Mary’s recent granny porn opus, Stemming the Rose II: Appreciating the Handiwork, for the highest rate of scarring inflicted per frame.
Brown-eyed Girl
June 28th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

Reading FBOFW this week has been like watching Lynn Johnson play Limbo — How LOW can she GO! Assuming she sticks to form, there are still two days left of this miserable farce. The mind boggles trying to imagine what might happen next. Here are some possibilites:

1. As a direct result of “The Speech,” Shannon becomes a national hero*
2. As a direct result of “The Speech,” Shannon becomes an international hero*
3. As a direct result of “The Speech,” April goes home and appologizes to her parents for being an ungrateful wretch*
4. As a direct result of “The Speech,” April goes home and screams “Enough is enough!” at her gormless parents, after which she leaves home for a life filled with fun and adventure.
5.As a direct result of “The Speech,” April decides to take a stand against the Evil Rebeccah, leading to an epic Battle of the Bands at the Used Car Lot and Cinnebon Franchise Telethon.

*ideas from other mudges, other threads.
Laura c
June 28th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

Why is Vera pointing upwards in panel 1? Is she signalling airplanes? Or waiters? Or is she like Agnes in “David Copperfield?” Has someone at the Charterstone pool party died and she is indicating where their soul is going?

I also don’t get the “challenge” part. “If you come any closer I’m going to blow my rape whistle and gouge your eyes out with my keys” — now that’s a challenge. “It’s because of men like you that I’m a lesbian” — that’s a challenge, too. “I led a life of shelter and privilege in a millionaire’s stomping ground and have never seen a naked man, unless you count my brother” — that’s called taking candy from a baby.
whoamItoday?
June 28th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

Andy Capp gets a statue

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tees/6248444.stm

oh, and my mom likes family circus because she had a boy, a girl, and two more boys just like in the comic. Later, there was another boy, whom she relates to April. Luckily, this does not seem to have affected him.
Anonymous
June 28th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

#42:

(pause)

(slow clap) Woo-hoo!

Seriously, a very good and succinct explanation of what is wrong with this series.
Justafoob
June 28th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

You know, if Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock had left the City on the Edge of Forever and instead of going back and messing up Edith Keeler’s life they wound up going to 2007 Canadia and stopped Shan….non from making her speech, the horrible turn of events that resulted would be avoided.

And when Dr. McCoy came along, he could see what he could do to help Shan…non’s “condition”.

“Dammit, Jim!! I am a Medical Doctor not a Script Doctor.!!!”
Perky Bird
June 28th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Four words:

Giant Disembodied Clambake Head!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!
Little Guy
June 28th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

To wash that Foob right out of your head:

Shannon Takes a Stand

Frakkin’ brilliant.
serpentineminer
June 28th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

I realize this isn’t terribly relevant, but the Houston Chronicle website isn’t showing FBOFW, and my local paper (for whatever reason) didn’t run it today. So I assumed that it had to be unspeakably horrible. Then I got excited! Maybe Shannon, the metaphorical extension of Lynne Johnston’s self-righeousness, got punched in the face! that would mean that Lynne Johnston metaphorically punched HERSELF in the face!

But then I go and look. And no, there Shannon’s face is. Unpunched. I’m so unbelievably disappointed that I must go cry now.
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

MW – Sure, the innocent bantering is cute ’til she breaks out the taser.

“You know, pretty lady, I’m a heart surr…rrrrrrrrrggggghhh..geon.
12xuser
June 28th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

MW – Amazingly, Vera’s awkward attempt to reject him is actually interpreted as humor by Dr. Drew, who is now laboring under the misconception that Vera has a sense of humor.

Seriously, has Vera done ANYTHING over the course of the last three months to hint that she has a sense of humor?
queek
June 28th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

29: “looking for a girl with braaaaaains”
Harry Worth
June 28th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

The Charterstone pool parties really take off when everyone strips down, smears some grey stuff from the buffet all around their nethers, and they have a food fest.

First one to clean Mary gets the ceremonial clean plate award.
Dingo
June 28th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

Vera Shields seemed to be a woman who traveled light. Then I saw the bags under her eyes.
HBGlord
June 28th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

#46 — And my mom loves FC because she gave birth to a series of hydroencephalitic moppets.
Little A.
June 28th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I guess in Friday’s strip the boys will carry Shannon around the lunchroom on their shoulders while everybody cheers, and then some of the tougher guys will turn on Jeremy and beat him to a pulp and stuff him in the dumpster out back and then dump some leftover macaroni and cheese on his head.

Michael will interview Shannon for the local paper and the story will appear in the Christmas issue (she does speak slowly, so itâ€™ll take a little time to record her answers to his questions). Such as, â€œHow did your cleft palate interfere with your ability to learn how to boil an egg?â€ And, â€œWhy is your school wasting tax money teaching normal 15-year old students like my little sister how to boil eggs?â€ And, â€œWhen Jeremy Jones was bothering you, why didnâ€™t you stab him with your fork?â€

Right.

I just had to share that with everybody again, in case you didn’t see it on Thursday.
Brown-eyed Girl
June 28th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

58. It was worth sharing again, Little A.
Steve S
June 28th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

Silly Goodwill dog! Don’t you realize that the county landfill is where the chicken lady got the junk she’s now trying to foist on you?
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

I never realized the many similarities between Charterstone and a pre-columbian temple. I’m going to Home Depot today to see what materials I’ll need to build my own “brutalist set of concrete stairs that lead nowhere.” That and a sacraficial jacuzi would be bitchin’. Cannnnonbaaaaaaall!
Sergeant in the Free Time Army
June 28th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

#15 – MossMoses, it’s my firm attention to detail and my inability to check on those details that’s gotten me where I am in life. However, I would concur that Dr. Jeff and Dr. Drew are both so incredibly attractive that I only see white-hot sexuality. I should have known it wasn’t Dr. Jeff, however, because he is standing up.

# 29 – Harry – I think what makes Vera so unattractive is that she’s a faux zombie. If she could commit to something, like death, at least there’d be something you could respect about her. But she can’t even undie right, just like she can’t keep a decent grudge against Von. Hell, I’ve stopped going to Vons supermarkets just because somebody in this world needs to teach that guy a lesson.
gh
June 28th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

Well, this one was just too easy a target, but since weâ€™re doing Live at Leeds this week* . . .

Every day I get in the queue (too much, my short bus)
To get on the bus that takes me to school (too much, my short bus)
I’m so nervous, I just sit and smile (too much, my short bus)
My pantsuitâ€™s cut in the latest style (too much, my short bus)

Thank you, driver, for getting me here (too much, my short bus)
Oh look, thereâ€™s April who I revere (too much, my short bus)
I don’t want to cause no fuss (too much, my short bus)
But can I get off my short bus? (too much, my short bus)

Noâ€¦ooâ€¦ooâ€¦ooâ€¦oo!

I don’t care what those kids say (too much, my short bus)
I wanna ride my bus to my classroom each day (too much, my short bus)

I ride it, I ride it, I ride it, I ride it … (youâ€™re all winkies!)
Lunkheads and asshats every day
Shout out names in school hallways
Lunkheads and asshats every day
Think Iâ€™m just some form of easy prey

My short bus, my short bus, my short bus …

I said, now I’m ri . . .ding my short bus (too much, my short bus)
I said, now I’m ri . . .ding my short bus (too much, my short bus)
I ride the short bus every day (too much, my short bus)
Because Iâ€™ve got this spâ€¦eech deâ€¦lay (too much, my short bus)

I ride it, I ride it, I ride it, I ride it …

Every day I sense disgust (too much, my short bus)
As I ride to the schoolhouse in my short bus (too much, my short bus)

…

*except I left out the adlib part about â€œyou can have it for 100 English poundsâ€ â€˜cause I donâ€™t remember where it goes exactly
Eleusis
June 28th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

Who else thinks Young Master Cory is about to end up in a scary incestuous menage a trois? It’s Veravonalicious!
Mibbitmaker
June 28th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

#41 (AhClem): Keep in mind that these villians think you’re suposed to eat money (”mmmm, tasty!”). They’re not exactly playing with a full bag of rocks here (cockeyed crooks, that is).
Jack Rennon
June 28th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

I love Vera’s heavy-lidded, dull, lifeless eyes in panel two. It’s like she’s saying, “Oh, Dear God, get this idiot away from me!” Either that, or she’s saddened by the fact that she really will have to kill him, per order of the human sacrificing cult Mary has dragged her in to. Either way.
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

If LJ ghost wrote today’s MW, Shan..non(sp?) Shan…non Spelling, Yeah that works for me!…Anyway, where the Heckie has I?…Oh, Yeaaahhh, If Lynn Johnson ghost wrote today’s Mary Worth, Shan..non would be walking across the Charterstone pool.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 28th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

My computer is back! That means it’s time to pick over the remnants of the buffet o’snark that is Thursday’s comics.

9CL: There’s nothing wrong with Dr. Burber that a sturdy, padded bench, a few leather straps and a strong, flexible cane couldn’t fix. But I’m sure that’s not a new idea to McEldowney.

A3G: There is an astounding amount of brown in that panel.

Archie: I hope Betty remembered to put her pants on before they left.

C(MD): Don’t worry, Cathy. Irving won’t actually want to go on any of those vacations. The googlers, they do nothing!

Crock: No, that’s wormsign. Better start walking arhythmically.

DT: If that’s supposed to be his granddaughter, then The Baron must have been granted his title by Kaiser Wilhelm.

Doonesbury: Special guest appearance by Vera Shields.

FBOFW: No, you were born different ’cause your dad’s also your uncle and your mom smoked crack while she was pregnant. But you just go ahead and keep telling yourself you’re special!

FW: What, is Thursday “Bald Chicks Eat Free Night” at Montoni’s Pizza? Nobody better tell the Lady Mudlarks, or Pops will go bankrupt.

GA: The building next to Slim and Clovia’s apartment has been torn down, the lot cleared, a basketball court put up, players have started playing on it and lights have been added… all in the space of 24 hours. Slim and Clovia must live in SimCity.

(DT)GT: I thought Coach Ken would have had the cops drag Clambake off the field by now. Maybe he has, and what we see in Panel 3 is his ghostly, Yoda-like apparition. Clambake is in all of us! …Or, at least, he’s been in most of the baseball team.

MW: I see that for the party, Vera has changed out of her previous “somebody-kill-me” purple pantsuit into her “come-fuck-me” magenta pantsuit. Like a lovely flower, she changes color to signal she’s ready to be pollinated. Or maybe, like the potato salad, she’s just spoiled.

OBH: Ruthie is waaay too young to be playing “hostage situation.” Come see me in about 12 years, kid. And bring your own cane; I broke mine on Dr. Burber.

Ghost-Who-Sculls: Hey, stripeybutt. It may be pronounced “gunnels,” but it’s spelled “gunwales.” Good thing those tribesmen aren’t literate in English or they’d toss you overboard as the fraud you are.

RMMD: Heather is the nanny who married Hugh’s father. How does that make her his “flesh and blood”? “And you, June! I can’t believe my own wife would betray me!” “Uh, I just met you two hours ago…” “Then that makes you a slut, too!”

RWO: Her bikini top is smaller than her sunglasses. I guess that’s OK, ’cause her boobs are smaller than her eyes.

S-M: “Get Ryan Secrest on the phone!”
crane
June 28th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

Alternate Pluggers caption:
You’re a plugger if you try to donate trash to charity in the hopes of avoiding a trip to the landfill.

RMMD: This plotline just keeps getting better. Apparently, Hugh Avery, who as far as we know has no experience in corporate management, was planning to sell his father’s company rather than try to run it himself!

I keep hoping for Hugh to compare Heather unfavorably to Anna Nicole Smith, but that’s probably not going to happen.
Trotzenbonnie
June 28th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

Oh Josh, re: the flirting in Mary Worth – you are so right. I ended up in a relationship with a guy just because I said “What’s that? Fan mail from some flounder?”
I refuse to discuss any of the awkward and/or excruciating details but, after 6 months he dumped me for a 23 year-old.
Paperback Rifler
June 28th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

63. Awesome, gh! Luckily, you can still mentally put in the ad libbed bits:

“All right; you can have the short bus for one hundred dollars!”
“Is…that…Am…er…i…can…or…is…that…Can…a…di…an…dol…lars…?”
“…Hm?…Oh! Sorry; I seem to have fallen asleep there for a little bit. What were we talking about again?”
“We…were…talk…ing…a…bout…”
“…zzzzzzzzzzz…”
Tad
June 28th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

Please, everyone, check out today’s Classic Peanuts if you haven’t already. FAILURE FACE is an amazing four panels. Once again a forty-five year old comic towers over everything else on the pages!

Oh, is Clambake ever gonna get it. Lying is something that Mr. Thorp could’ve defended, but now they’re losing because of the old coot. I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life/six weeks/a couple of days.
gh
June 28th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

#71 Paperback Rifler

Yeah, I was gonna go with Canadian dollars [95!], etc.

And I’d kill to be the one who wrote Magic Negroes, Milford zeroes. Maybe next time.
BunnÃ«
June 28th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

MW: Vera’s line and Drew’s response remind me of a time in college when I was workshopping a short story. One of the characters was an aspiring improv comedian; one of the the feedback comments was, “I don’t buy it… he never says anything funny.” So I rewrote the character as an aspiring mortician.

Anywho, the point is, you can’t make something funny simply by saying “a sense of humor!”

Except that Drew’s illogical and belittling response makes sense if you think of him as a stalker. A new Kelrast. Only Drew Cory isn’t an anagram of “stalker”… but it does spell “Cry Word, E!”
Anonymous
June 28th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

What, no love for the ginormous seagulls in JP? The strip’s like one beaver shy of becomming Mark Trail.
fishmorgjp
June 28th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

#48 Justafoob — Well, how ’bout if Cap’n Kirk lost his memory and got transported down to the Charterstone brutalist concrete altar, and he loses his wig and Mary finds it and they fall in love… wacky hijinks ensue, and Kirk ends up standing on the Charterstone brutalist concrete altar, screaming imprecations at the thunderclouds above, and then the Enterprise beams him back up before Charterstone is lost in a black hole? Eh?
Meanwhile
June 28th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

Nobody bashes Pluggers like our Josh! Seriously, it cheers my frozen black heart every time he features them.
The Divine Oâ€™F
June 28th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

48 Justafoob: Bwa hahahaha!

68 Spider Brick: You too! Bwas and has!
HBGlord
June 28th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

#70 — Trotz, i married Mrs. HBGlord in part because she picked up on my offhand reference to “Gidney and Cloyd.” (She married me — in part, i hope — to obtain co-ownership of my copy of Zany Afternoons, by Bruce McCall.)
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

Mmmmm. Yams AND french fries. I bet ol’ Drew is completely re-evaluating this Charterstone Pool Party. Dr. Drew could use more starches. Try the tater salad while it’s still warm from sitting in the sun. I think it’s left over from Aldo’s wake, but Mary kept it in the freezer. Yum.
Islamorada Girl
June 28th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

You know you’re a plugger when Goodwill won’t take you.
Uncle Lumpy
June 28th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

#79 HBG -

Scrooch ‘em!
Dingo
June 28th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

For a young doctor, Drew Cory has all of the charisma of an Exodus minister at a rave.

Karma must be drawing him to Vera. Let’s hope for her sake that he’s a Goldilocks*.

* – Goldilocks cock: not too big, not too small, not too hard, not too soft… just right.
Mountain Mama
June 28th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

Dingo: Did you get my last email? I hate that I’m going to be gone while you’re in the Valley. I hope the other AZ ‘mudgeons step up and buy you a drink while you’re here. And I hope you get the Niagara Falls job. I love that area.

Apt 3-G: “I wasn’t sure you existed, Alan, but now I can see…..you must be my long-lost twin! Mother talked about you constantly!”

FOOB and MW? Bleah. I got nothin’.
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

S S to the dash B @ #68- Could you pulease not stack up all that stuff on one comment? You came this close to costing me a new keyboard and scared my parakeet and cha cha cha! You are one Hermano chistoso de Adobe!
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 28th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

#50 Little Guy: Thanks for linking back to Old Bean’s FOOB mashups!

Old Bean, if you’re out there today: Your artistic vision done tore off the head and shat down the neck of my FOOB doldrums. I particularly enjoy April’s heckling. Hooooo!

Oh, and yesterthread many of you vented your antipathy towards TJ in Luann. Sorry to arrive late, because I’ve always hated that eighties hair muthamargo. Hate hate HATE single toothed winkie son of a bitch! GAAAA!
Renee J
June 28th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

RMMD: So….when does the threesome start?
TargemQ8
June 28th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

“A sense of humor! I like that!”
“I guess subtlety doesn’t work on you, ‘Doctor’. Please get the hell away from me.”
Burning Prairie
June 28th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

I noticed Vera’s eye problem, looks like a sty. But mostly I noticed her outfit. Since when is a Miami Vice-style jacket and a prison matron handbag appropriate attire for a pool party. As for Dr. Junior’s shirt, did they have a big sale on ochre paint at the art supply store? Sam Hill and Lu Ann both had hospital gowns in that, um, lovely color.
Sumyun Gai
June 28th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

I had a couch rejected by goodwill once, too. It was the day before I was set to move to Europe. They came out and told me if it even had one tear in the fabric (or in this case, Naugahyde), they had to reject it outright. And I was like “hello! if this couch was in pristine condition, I wouldn’t be giving it away for free!”

So I ended up just leaving my torn Naugahyde couch in my vacated apartment, figuring it would be cheaper to just write off that $50 deposit than to pay someone to cart it off on short notice (it’s a fold-out, to boot). I guess that makes me Lord God King Plugger.

But the best part? I end up getting the deposit check in the mail anyway. I figured it must have had something to do with the fifth of Jack Daniels I left sitting on the floor beside the couch, a leftover from my going-away party that I couldn’t take with me on the plane.

I guess the moral of the story is that no one can call you a Plugger when you live in the capital city of Pluggeriana…
Drew Cory
June 28th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

Remember, it’s *Dr* Drew Cory!
philip
June 28th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

Little do the Milford boys realize they are about to be met by the combined might of The Israel Baseball League! The Modi’in Miracle! The Tel Aviv Lightning! And the awesome power of the undefeated Bet Shemesh Blue Sox and their fearless leader Rom Blomberg aka Baseball’s First Designated Hitter!

And if you think I am not serious, go to israelbaseballleaguecom and see for yourself. No linker, I.
Trotzenbonnie
June 28th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

#79 – HBGlord
Sounds like a match made in Moosylvania!

My first husband asked me out because, observing that I had a copy of ‘The Will to Power’ by Nietzsche tucked under my arm, asked me how I liked the book. I said it was the best thing ever written by a Green Bay Packer linebacker.
Who knew that a love of professional football and German philosophy could be parlayed into an effective man-catching scam.
Trouser Tent
June 28th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

I’m from a town near where the Pluggers contributors are from (very, very, very rural Nebraska). Knowing the type of people who live in this area, it wouldn’t suprise me that the furniture they are now trying to give away resided on their front porch for the past several seasons. Joan and Jeff, not even poor people want furniture that smell like mildew and cat piss!
HBGlord
June 28th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

#70, 82 — Ridiculously unsurprised there are R&B fans in our midst (and by “R&B” i’m not talking about Mary J. Blige).
HBGlord
June 28th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

#93: Friedrich, Ray & Jack — three great men, one great surname (or variations therein).

You had me at “fan mail from some flounder”!
Smokescreen
June 28th, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

The Pluggers reminds of a line from Absolutely Fabulous:

Mother: Well, I suppose I’d better be off. I’ve got to get this lot down to the charity shop.

Edina: Oh, God. No-one’s that poor.
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

Once when I was an adolescent, I heard Casey Kasem on the radio mispronounce Jack Nitsche’s name as “Jack Nichky” I dunno, but it really ground bees! Just had to get that off my thorax.
lesles
June 28th, 2007 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

RMMD: just came across this

morganatic – adj – of, pertaining to, or designating a legal marriage between a man or woman of royal or noble birth and a partner of lower rank, in which agreement is made that any titles or estates of the royal or noble partner will not be shared by the commoner or by any of their offspring.

this strikes me as the sort of code that june would totally go for (with absolutely no doubt in her heart as to where she fits in the pecking order), and probably convinced [terrorised] milton avery to go with it in his first marriage just so she could one day pull it on his offspring to brighten a boring afternoon for her.

derived ‘from medieval latin (matrimonium ad) morganaticam, (marriage for the) morning-gift – ie, the husband’s token gift to the wife on the morning after the wedding night”

which strikes me as something that rex would totally understand.
RyanOH
June 28th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

GT: that’s the shortest outfield fence I’ve ever seen. And why would the game end in the 7th? (Note: I know nothing about H.S. baseball rules.)
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

Back in Black! Carry on.
The Divine Oâ€™F
June 28th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

Secret Margo: I just got back to my blog for the first time in weeks. Thanks for your comment on the mockingbird singles ad!
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

Charterstone Deviled Eggs:

1 doz duck eggs (goose eggs also work)
4 quartz of gin
Â½ cup of wasabi
1 soul of virgin child or heart of a defeated chieftain.
2 table spoons of paprika
Â¼ cup of ginger ale

Mix the wasabi, soul (or heart), paprika and ginger ale in a large bowl. Soak the eggs in the bowl. Bake at 120 degrees for four hours. Chill eggs overnight. Pour gin over eggs and serve.
The G-Man
June 28th, 2007 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

Huh. Pluggers kind of reminded me of The Sound of Music, where she comments on all clothes being donated to the poor, and is asked, “What about this dress?” The response, naturally, is “Oh, the poor didn’t want this dress.”
I’ll let you decide whether this is praise or condemnation, as befits your opinion of the film.
Re: wormsign in Crock. I’ve been recently trying to finish the last two books in the original set (Heretics of Dune and Chapterhouse: Dune), and even the reflexive dunegasm wasn’t enough to get me to care about Crock.
PBS is fantastic, because I have no clue what the hell is going on. Normally, this is a bad thing, see (DT)GT or MT. In this case, as it usually is with F-Minus, it’s awesome.
Diesel Sweeties is on the Houston Chronicle’s website now? When did this happen? And also, WTF?
Finally, in today’s Marvin, Marvin looks like Cartman in diapers. Including that dumbass grin Cartman sports. Bonus WTF?! (See, this one even has an exclamation point. For emphasis!)
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

PeteMoss- you forgot the 35 cc’s of the scoopings from that turtle what holds up planet Earth. Come correct, My Good Man! (that was my 3rd NYer caption contest entry…rejected!).
John C Fremont
June 28th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

# 94 – Uh, oh, Trent. Hickman, Nebraska is less than 20 miles from Crete. What are the odds?
MossMoses
June 28th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

93. Trotz, that’s a great story. You’re better off not being married to a Packers fan anyway.
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

105 Red Greenback
NYer rejected all of these (NY the commies):

“If I could walk that way I wouldn’t need the talcum.”

“Is that the best you got, Cheney?”

“Everybody calls me Clambake.”
Les
June 28th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

I used to like FOOB . . . .
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

I guess it’s a good thing Farley isn’t alive to see all this.
Marmaduke\â€™s Phil
June 28th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

From my intensive study of the American-International “Beach Party” movies of the 1960s, I can confirm that this is in fact the last scene of “Mary Worth,” in which everyone is paired up with their perfect mate, Annette sings a song, and the bad kids are thrown in the pool.

It was a great 60 years, folks! Next week is a Don Rickles cameo, and we’re out.
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

PeteMoss-I’m no Marty Moon, but doesn’t a dozen Goose Eggs add up to zero?
Marmaduke\\â€™s Phil
June 28th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

Long term, Joe Giella fans know that Vera’s mysterious between-panel eye injury was in fact caused by the mysterious BATMAN, Charterstone’s Dark Defender!
Dan
June 28th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

I have had furniture donations rejected by Goodwill. They were kind of jerks about it. They actually did point me in the direction of the county landfill. I felt ashamed and betrayed.
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

112 Red

That’s the Plugger recipe. Sad, I know. Damn eggs get in the way of the gin anyway.
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

Nobody wants old Plugger furniture with all the feathers and fur and dander all over it. Not to mention all the “territorial” markings. Nasty.

My grandmother used to have plastic covers over all her living room furniture. Maybe that’s the ticket for Pluggers.
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

Deep Thoughts: Have anyone of you entertained this: “Hmm, I wonder if Tom Bosley did Marion Ross on the slylock?”
The Divine Oâ€™F
June 28th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

Secret Margo: ignore previous message. I realize I thanked you before. This is a good indication of how seldom I visit my blog.
The Divine Oâ€™F
June 28th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

And I’m signing off now. I’m actually working these days, and it’s…. hard work. Need a break. Plus it’s 110 degrees.
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Pluggers needs a reptilian representative. Maybe a turtle or a chameleon. And the comic could use a fish, too. Why aren’t there any invertibrate Pluggers? What about one-celled Pluggers, like some hard working paramecium who likes to watch westerns on his tv before taking it down to the microscopic Pawn Shop? More diversity, Pluggers!
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

Marion Ross and Henry Winkler. Hmmm.
Foolster41
June 28th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker: Did I miss something? The last line in the last panel should read “It alll makes sense. Wait, no. It doesn’t. I lied and you’re a moron.”
Alan S.
June 28th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

I just want to note that the second panel of GT displays disturbing signs of – dare I say it – artistic competence. I suspect clip art and/or tracing are involved.
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

Hmmm. Marion Ross…MarionMoss! Yesss.
D. E. I.
June 28th, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

I tried to donate a couch last year to Goodwill. They wouldn’t take it. I went out and had it reupholstered for $300. They still wouldn’t take it. So I went to the pawn shop with my 1975 portable Sony black and white TV, and then the pawnbroker wouldn’t take it. In fact, he offered to dispose of it for me if I gave him $20. So I went back to Goodwill and asked them, “How much do you charge for disposing of my couch?”. They had no answer for that one.
Kate
June 28th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

Frog help me. I actually went to Elly’s Coffee Talk on the FOOBsite and registered my protest at the unspeakable Shan…non storyline.

Then I discovered the post of one Allison Sadorozny, an LJ employee, who writes:

“Hey! Are staffers alllowed to spill their beans too?? I’d just like to say how lucky I am to be working here and how proud I am to know you all. Does that count as relating to the strip? I could go on forever about how much I love it – and take in all the details! Thanks to the readers for letting us know what they think!”

And then I scooped out my eyes and set them on fire.

The end.
D. E. I.
June 28th, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

This Dr. Drew Cory guy? As of now, I’m taking notes.
Kate
June 28th, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

Also, on the FOOBsite? There’s this terrifying portrait of Liz and her head is like three hundred feet wide? And her lips are puffy horrors that stretch out from the wall while I sleep and try to engulf me? Bumping and nibbling at the bedposts, at the coverlet, at my ankles AAAAAUGH HOLD ME HELP
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

Elly’s coffee sucks!
Jamus The Bartender
June 28th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

9CL: “It will call me Dr. Burber or it will get the hose again.” Okay….call me strange, but i’m kinda turned on by Dr. Burber’s taking charge like this….I get a feeling Mr Burber’s gonna get treated to some BDSM action…scroto-clampings and that sort of thing.
Trotzenbonnie
June 28th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

#129 – Red
That’s not coffee. It’s Postum.
AhClem
June 28th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

Pretty soon Drew Corey’s pals, Kite, Osweld and Levis, will show up. Comic hijinks will ensue.
AhClem
June 28th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

#93 Trotzenbonnie -
I used to live near Green Bay. Telling your Nietzsche/Nitschke joke there would have resulted in you being stoned as a heretic.

They take their football VERY seriously in northeast Wisconsin.
queek
June 28th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

120: see My Cage for the invertibrates and other furry action. Pluggers are furries.

*runs for cover*
anon
June 28th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

re: FOOB
I will completely agree that Shannon getting up on the table is unlikely, and that most high school students would never cheer her on in a million years. I’m sure the jeers and food flying would be more likely. What I can’t get behind is the insensitivity and vitriol that is being spewed by people who I assume to be adults aimed at Shannon. Sure she’s a comic strip character, but she represents a segment of society, and offensive language is offensive language. Did we never grow out of our highschool caffeteria mentality? I just had to say it because no one else was.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 28th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

#128 Kate:

“Also, on the FOOBsite? Thereâ€™s this terrifying portrait of Liz and her head is like three hundred feet wide? And her lips are puffy horrors that stretch out from the wall while I sleep and try to engulf me?…”

HA, HA HAHAHAHAHA! Okay, Kate, my curiosity got the better of me, and I went to the FOOBsite, and …Ugggh. I threw up a little through my nose and out my eyes and ears. I barfed through my pores. And Red, Elly’s “coffee” is both watery and acrid.
Phoebe
June 28th, 2007 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

“You’ve failed us, Clambake – failed us!”
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

129 Red – But..but.. the flavor crystals!

126. Kate – I’m always amazed by the fact LJ has “staffers.” What are their duties, anyway? Tasting LJ’s food? Insuring that each strip is chock-full-o-tripe? Inflating lips? What?
Jamus The Bartender
June 28th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

Andy Capp Primer
What ho, pip, pip, cheerio, London Bridge, and Bob’s your uncle.
Welcome to merrie olde Englande.
Our comic strip hero is a man wot drinks..
Smokes..
Beats his wife oop..
Spends all ‘is time down ta poob….
Don’t work…
Gets ‘is money from the dole…
And ‘e STILL get’s a statue put up.
An’ ‘ere’s the funny part…
The strip in question..
Is STILL funnier than Funky Winkerbean AND For Better Or For Worse put together.
Cheerios.
PeteMoss
June 28th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

Quit tossin’ tater tots towards # 135! Stop it. Don’t make me come over there!
Mad Dog Rackham
June 28th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

Re #42 Plasma: “A cleft palate does not a â€˜tard make!”

I think that as a small girl Shan…non heard that she had a cleft lip and she thought they said “cleft ellipsis” so she’s been trying to make up for it via a constant stream of ellipses ever since.

Either that or it’s the result of the evil Canadian socialist medical system.
Brown-eyed Girl
June 28th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

128 Kate — It’s not the lips, it’s the eyes. The huge, protruding, souless eyes…..Note to self: the FBOFW home page is a place of horror. Never, ever visit it again.
Trouser Tent
June 28th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

#94 : The odds are, Mr. Fremont that this is one small world, seeing as I am from said Crete Nebraska. My parents still live there, and my mom works at a certain “Clabaugh Agency” if that proves my local credentials :-)

Of course, drinking and dancing on the bar at The Fox Hole in Wilber during Czech Days does as well.
SecretMargo
June 28th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

135: Anon –I share your reflexive discomfort with the words like “‘tard”, and most of the regular commenters stopped using it (you are not the first to raise this concern). However, I think that many of the ones who still do, especially those who use the locution “noble ‘tard,” are making a similar point to my black friend who always referred to “Scary Spice” of the Spice Girls (this was many years ago–though I guess it is suddenly re-relevent today) as “Darkie Spice,” since she said her race seemed to be the only thing “scary” about her, we all might as well admit to the masked racism up front. Turning Shannon into a mouthpiece the way Lynn just did betrays the humanizing effects of her earlier, more interesting characterizations (such as when she was shown talking with April backstage at the hose-o-phonium showdown), and reduces her to being not a person with disabilities, but a freak whom we learn to feel a condescending kind of compassion for. It is in that sense that phrases like “noble ‘tard” (and, more generally, the basic tenure of the Shannonic Shenanigans I read, laugh at, and participate in here) don’t really bother me, since this practice exposes through shock the very real dehumanization occurring under the guise of “giving her a voice.” To me, it seems to be that Lynn is appropriating her voice, and Shannon’s real-life counterparts are being told that, basically, they
should be happy with any kind of representation at all, no matter how insultingly cardboard. It seems that pointing to the crushing horror of this through exaggeration, parody, and absurdism, is actually quite called for.

This is an edited paste-in from an email correspondence I was having with a fellow ‘Mudgie a day or so ago, but now that you brought it up, it seemed appropriate to air my thoughts publicly.
bats :[
June 28th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

It’s cool to find out that the creator of Andy Capp is from Hartlepool, home of the infamous Hartlepool Monkey Incident (a national day of honor, I think, to Bucky Katt).
Jamus The Bartender
June 28th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

135. Very eloquent, anon. However, in my defense, I tried very hard to refrain from using offensive language and merely suggested Shannon set herself on fire. In this way, she’d make a statement spanning the ages, become a martyr for her classmates, and give the high schoolers something to talk about long after graduation.
Sadly, this did not happen.
On the upside, Betty from Archie looks REALLY hot today. Why Archie doesn’t give up on Veronica who is too high maintenance to begin with….
Trotzenbonnie
June 28th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

#133 – AhClem
I can recite many many lines from “A Farewell to Football”. Am I redeemed? And if I had a nickel for every time my dear old daddy (from Upstate NY) said “The Pack is back” I’d have a really big sack of nickels.

And Lynn Johnston is such a card! An astute FBOFW fan questioned some age discrepencies in the strip via Elly’s Kafe Klatsch so Lynn’s reply was:
Lynn Replies:

“Congratulations! You are the only one to solve the “intentionally puzzling date game”! Send us a mailing address and we’ll send you an envelope of real Northern Canadian AIR!!! This healthy and unique gift will undoubtedly be the talk of the town. All the best, Lynn.”

Hahaha! I’d like to send her some real Louisiana air…from my ass.

(Oh good Lord! Miss Mollie just pootsed on my foot and ran away! Does anyone else have a dog who has audible bilious attacks?)
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

Trotz: Being an XL Postum aficionado, I gawrauntee It was not Postum. It tasted more of gruound-up Count Chocula and Kaopecate.
Moon Mullins
June 28th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

Not only is the GG Bridge in JP today grey instead of orange, it also appears to be descending into the Golden Gate, another inaccuracy. The bridge connects two cliffs and is basically a level ride. The Marin hills are also out of place.
Chat Noir
June 28th, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

Also, the assertion that Shannon’s was the “best speech EVER” is questionable. The best Canadian speech ever, maybe. The best Canadian speech that took three days to recite ever, almost definitely. But best speech ever? I’d say Abe Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr. are stomping around the afterlife angrily, but surely FOOB would never make the cut for any comics page in the beyond.
ghostof'lectricity
June 28th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

#150: “Je ne suis pas superstitieux, mais un chat noir ma route a marche’ …”
Trilobite
June 28th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

Vera says it’s a pleasure to meet Dr. Drew Corey, and Dr. Drew Corey says he likes Vera’s sense of humor. Drawn together by their mutual affection for telling outrageous lies in as unconvincing a way as possible, these two are destined to be together forever…or at least as long as it takes for Drew to get Vera drunk, hump the bejesus out of her, and then find his car keys and drive home.
AhClem
June 28th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

#135 anon -
Your point is well taken. But as you said, “Sure sheâ€™s a comic strip character…” which is absolutely true. I believe that most of the vitriol directed towards Shannon and the rest of the FOOB clan is really aimed at Lynn herself, due to the cloying, patronizing, self-congratulatory way that she is using those characters. The fact that FBOFW was once a clever, funny and touching strip makes what it has become even harder to take.

Also, I can only speak for myself, but I believe that the vast majority of snarkers here would never think of displaying such disrespect and loathing to a real Shannon.
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

Sheesh! Make that ground and Kaopectate
(Zombie) Ten Day Dinosaur
June 28th, 2007 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

See, me, I’m easily pissed off at writers changing their damn characters in midstream. Particularly when it’s Lynn Johnson, who seems to have her army of minions to check back strips if she forgets something. Shannon apperantly has a cleft palate. This wouldn’t piss me off as much if it wasn’t for the fact that she’s been depicted as not all there for the last couple years. What’s the deal, Lynn? Any physical deformity must correpond to a mental one? Or did you just forget what the blazes you wrote?

I wouldn’t be near as irratable about this if I hadn’t just spent the last couple hours showing the special ed kids around our farm. I feel like FOOB is making it look like every problem is solved by having a pure heart. Wouldn’t that be nice? (I feel better now. Carry on with the funny.)
odinthor
June 28th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

Questions. I have questions.

JP — Why is JP dovetailing into Hitchcock’s storyboard for the (unused) final scene of “The Birds”? Is everyone going to die now? After all, they’re already on the attack in Mark Trail.

Apt 3-G — What does Blaze see, looking in through Alan’s right ear and presumably all the way out his left ear? Is there a Rex Morgan MD beefcake calendar on the opposite wall?

Garfield — Liz? Liz!?! Is Lizardbreath seeing Jon on the sly? Are FBoFW characters being farmed out to other strips? Is April going to go after Major Hoople next?
Dingo
June 28th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

Mountain Mama (#84): Yes, I got your last message. Of course, you’d be gone that weekend! As it stands, I still don’t know when my plane lands Sunday night. Instead of allowing me to make the travel arrangements, they’re doing it. I agree with you on NY. It’s a beautiful area and the pay would be good.
Trilobite
June 28th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

I’m not particularly upset about how Evil Commissioner Sideburns in Mark Trail has suddenly gone silver-haired, because I can’t really blame the drones in the comics-coloring sweatshop for deciding they don’t want to look at this strip anymore.

I am concerned by the commissioner’s nefarious plan, which seems to be all about getting a lot of money so that he can eat it. Look at him, rocking back in his office chair, hands behind his head in the traditional “Smug self-satisfied Mark Trail villain” pose: this madman craves the taste of money. And not just pennies and nickels like that one kid you knew in kindergarten…no, he hungers for serious airport-land-deal money. It’s just profoundly disturbing.

Meanwhile, outside his office building, a pair of geese want to remind Buzzard that he needs to keep quiet about his role in this little scheme. The geese know that if they are caught or captured, Buzzard will disavow any knowledge of their existence, and they expect the same from him: when Mark Trail socks him in the jaw, Buzzard had better not start pointing any fingers at the geese (”They’re in on it too, I swear!”), or…well, let’s just say that the geese know where Buzzard parks his station wagon, and they’ve got a colon full of what used to be commercial goose feed.
Trotzenbonnie
June 28th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

Red…….did you have to say Kaopectate? Why don’t you rub a little Fletcher’s Castoria in there while you’re at it.
(My kid is almost 30 and STILL eats Count Chocula!)

and

Best speech ever?
Bluto Blutarsky “Nothing is over until we decide it is!” et cetchra, et cetchra
AeroSquid
June 28th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

GT: When is Marty Moon going to admit that he is really Parallel Universe Spock (PUS:ST:TOS) who has been thrown back in time due to an unfortunate transporter accident.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
June 28th, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

I don’t know if this product is available where Dingo lives (and hey, I haven’t been following along: how’s the job search?), but, uh, perhaps it should be. From our local Walgreens: “Meat in the middle”!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 28th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

anon @ 135: Though I have ceased using the term “tard” in deference to those who may be offended by it, I will nonetheless mount a defense of one particular usage of the term, and that is the aforementioned construction “noble ‘tard.”

The word here is not used against the mentally challenged* in general, nor even against the character of Shannon. It instead is used to point out that Lynn Johnston herself has reduced the character to an offensive stereotype. Not content with drawing her as fat and short (hello Julia!), now she has added in a speech impediment that A) is not characteristic of mental retardation, and B) is also not characteristic of having a cleft palate, merely to serve as a constant reminder that Shannon is DIFFERENT. ‘Cause, y’know, you can’t have new readers (hah! as if she has any) possibly enjoy the strip WITHOUT having the fact that Shannon is retarded shoved down their throats at every turn. ‘Cause, y’know, it’s soooo crucial to the plot.

Ahem, got off track there. The point I was trying to get to is, the term “noble ‘tard” is chosen on purpose. It deliberately offends in order to correctly point out the character has, herself, become an offensive stereotype. It’s like calling Clambake the “magic Negro.” It uses a term that is outdated and possibly offensive to point out that the type of character it describes is also outdated and offensive. Shannon used to be a believable and well-rounded character whose impairment was an incidental part of her character. Now, it’s her raison d’etre. All else has been discarded; she is nothing but the exemplification of her handicap. She is The Noble ‘Tard, in all her unidimensional glory. And if you want to be offended about that, be offended at the author who wrote her that way.

( * Is there a non-offensive term for this that doesn’t grate against the ear as ridiculously over-sensitive?)
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

No, I actually really like Postum and I am a decaf guy but when I visit my Aunt Anna, she brews up some crap that tastes like a well-used Furbie suit soaked in Drano. So I always carry a Thermosâ„¢.
Trilobite
June 28th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

A3G: If it turns out that Alan really doesn’t exist and he suddenly vanishes in a *poof* of disbelief, I will formally take back every nasty thing I said about this insanely boring and stupid LuAnn storyline.

Well, no, I won’t…but I still want Alan to stop existing. If he could take LuAnn with him, that’d be awesome, too.
Anonymous
June 28th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

#12,
I think we might have already seen Mary’s, while she was on the phone. My brain is blocking out the details, though. Good brain!
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

I’m sorry, bad coffee jokes are so Danny Thomas. It seems my veal went bad.
AhClem
June 28th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

#159 Trotz –
“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!â€ Oh, man, that brings back memories!

A close runner-up for best speech would be Principal Poop’s address to the pep rally at Morse Science High School. “Give them a light, and they’ll follow it anywhere!”
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

AhClem- Honey, and men…They’re on ALL of our plates!
Buck Ripsnort
June 28th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

Vera: “I’d tell you my name, but then I’d have to kill you.” Please, PLEASE let this happen.

And Josh? Start posting late at night again, so I can get a comment in the top 100 at least.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
June 28th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

A few years back, I thought of a t-shirt idea – and I think I will propose it again, in honor(?) of “Pluggers.” It’s a t-shirt made of faux fur, and on the front, in scrawly, ill-formed capitals looking like blotchy tar, it says:

I KILT IT MYSEFL

(Actually, that last typo just happened – but I’ll take it, thanks.)
Trotzenbonnie
June 28th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

#161 – GCMP
Miss Mollie loves Dingo chewies – although I think I’m going to wince a little every time I see her sinking her teeth into one from now on.
Foob King
June 28th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

In a horrible mashup of internet memes gone awry, I bring you…

LOL…Shan…non

please, feel free to improvise your own.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 28th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

Oh, I’m sure our Dingo has put his share of meat in the middle.
Foob King
June 28th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

….here….it…is

…LOL…Shan…non
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 28th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

DO NOT WANT!
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 28th, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

As to the rousing Shannon speech: I give Lynn Johnston partial credit for this turn. Most of the recent FBOFW storylines have revolved around the Pattersons and their Decent White Folk issues. The fact that she took a few days out to highlight a friend of April’s who falls outside of that paradigm speaks to a broader vision, at least.

Why only partial credit? While the theme is well-intentioned, the treatment is lazy. Shannon just stood on a cafeteria table (does this school have no vice principals?) and took it upon herself to speak for the whole Special Needs class. Afterwards, the whole school seems to rally around her. Sorry, but no. Pain and isolation don’t just resolve themselves like that, and buiding bridges between people takes a long time.

The speed with which this subplot is being tied up makes it look like Johnston is just rushing through things to get to the Liz/Ned Flanders wedding. Would be nice if she proved me wrong.
Rusty
June 28th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

9CL: The only person I will address as “doctor” will have an MD. This MILF is just another insufferable PhD with delusions of grandeur.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 28th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

Rusty @ 177: So that would make her a PhDILF? Pronounced “fadilf,” probably.
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

Rusty-And Oh, whatta MILF! You know what the advantages of the lack of chin has?…I’m sorry! I’m going to sleep now.
True Fable
June 28th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

[This is what I put in the FBoFW comments on their site:]

I used to enjoy FBoFW but I can’t anymore. For the sake of brevity, I’ll get to the main points.
1. Michael. His story arc is an insult to writers everywhere. It would take a genius to finish a novel on Christmas Eve, mail it off and then not only get a letter of acceptance for a first novel, but a $25,000 advance as well. Michael is no genius. Have you EVER submitted something to a publisher? Even with an agent novice writers generally don’t get breaks like that; Amy Tan is an exception and judging from his writing examples in his “letters”, his self-enamored purple prose is at the opposite end of the spectrum from Amy Tan. What happened to contract negotiations; what makes a bookstore proprietor the suddenly professional editor for her son’s manuscript?
Plus, the apartment fire was just plain STUPID. You should have made Dee rightfully chew him out on-panel for essentially abandoning his wife and children, just to save his book. But then, the Father’s Day strip pretty much said it all: Michael thinks nothing of dumping his loud kids off on his wife so he can “listen to his muse” – he did it Mother’s Day too. Why didn’t he let Dee have a chance to sleep in? Errrgh.
2. Every Patterson is so perfect, so wonderful, that nothing is their fault and every single one of Liz’s suitors had to cheat on her rather than just end the relationship because it wasn’t working. It mustn’t be Liz’s fault, oh no! It MUST be someone else’s.
3. What kind of man pines for his old high school sweetheart even after he’s married, to the point where on the very day she is nearly raped, he runs the attacker off and then less than thirty minutes later, BEGS the attack victim to “wait for him” until after his divorce? A creepy thoughtless chump like Anthony Caine, that’s who!She nearly got raped, you idiot; now is not the time to put more emotional turmoil into the mix. And I have NEVER seen him say or do a single funny thing, or be particularly successful. So he’s a single parent – yeah, after he whined until his wife whom he KNEW didn’t want children, finally had one to shut him up. The whole Therese-is-pure-evil story just bites. What do you have against career women? Why do women have to marry their first love in order to guarantee happiness?
3. Poor Grampa Jim. He’s had a stroke, but when his grandson finally comes around to visit, Michael is there only to brag about his insipid book, and even insults the man by asking if he’s crazy. If he had any interest in anyone but himself, he’d have studied up on aphasia by now. But no, his head’s been stuck up his… yeah.

I was going to stop reading this strip, but now it’s an exercise to see just how UNrealistic you can make it, Lynn. I wondered why you didn’t have a comments section on your site, and after this one, I now wonder how long it’s going to last on it.

[well, that's it. You didn't really think your ol' Fable was going to pull any punches, did you? The only concession I made was no Margo Boxcar Saturn-type language.]
Trotzenbonnie
June 28th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

Well, it doesn’t just happen in the funny papers…
Mi esposo is flying home from Tulsa but his connecting flight from Houston has been delayed. They had to switch planes because the original aircraft was the victim of a BIRD STRIKE!

#167 – AhClem
The real Principal Poop
http://www.thestar.com/News/article/198600
True Fable
June 28th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

And I really don’t expect them to post it, either. I don’t care, but I figured if I was going to rail against it here, I may as well step up to the plate and rail against it there. “God hates a coward”, to quote Cap Garland.
lughcifer
June 28th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

135 – Anon
A lot of readers (myself included) aren’t even viewing Shannon as a character anymore which is why we’re so free with our insults and contempt for this shiteous storyline. Shannon has become a morality play on legs spouting the “enlightened views” of Lynn and her ilk. Whatever! Lynn built up a good case for her SN kids over the past two years (the strip with the kid successfully boiled his egg particularly sticks in my mind) but she completely tore it down with these two weeks worth of strips. She forgot the primary rule of storytelling: show, don’t tell. Lynn’s getting the backlash for some shitty storytelling directly as well as indirectly through her robo-creation, Shan…non.
SecretMargo
June 28th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

170: Would it be too on-the-nose to offer your design as a kilt as well?
KCPinky
June 28th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

100. High school baseball games are only 7 innings. BTW, I’m surprised the outfielder could leap that high considering the wee flippers he has at the ends of his ankles.
Islamorada Girl
June 28th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

180 Fab—I’m not holding my breath for a reply, but it would be great if there was one. Justify your bullshit, Lynn.
The Avocado Avenger
June 28th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

#176 Ben – You comment about vice principals gives me the giggles. You’re so right. The damned vice principals were the Mr Buzzkills of the high school world. They were the poor bitter schlubs who had to eat in the cafeteria and make sure there were no shenanigans and goin’s-on.

#166 Red – What’s with the Danny Thomas flood today? I turn on the TV, and there’s Danny Thomas. I go to LiveJournal – Danny Thomas. I come here – Danny Thomas! Can’t we get a Ricky Ricardo in here to break up the monotony?
The Avocado Avenger
June 28th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

#154 Red – I read these comments from bottom to top (fnarr) and your correction post seemed so non sequitur and awesome all by itself. You seem to have invented an exciting new way to post: the random correction! Just go into a thread and post “Oops, I meant linoleum and gingivitis” for no reason. Make people go back and try to find what post you’re correcting. Of course, there is no post!

I think this is a great idea. That probably means it’s massively lame, but I had to say something.
True Fable
June 28th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

#68 S S-B: In regard to RMMD, I think Hugh was referring to Avery’s betraying him, for leaving instructions for Pete to make sure Heather got control of everything rather than it just to Hugh.

and Ghost-Who-Sculls: I’m honored! :D
Vince M.
June 28th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

111: I would very much like seeing Von Zipper and the Rats crash the party!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 28th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

Red Greenback @ 179: There are disadvantages to Dr. Bitchier’s lack of jaw, too. Makes it hard to keep the ball gag in.
Ricky Ricardo
June 28th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

Ba-ba-looooooooooooooooooooooo!
Doomster C. Killjoy
June 28th, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

#188 see #148
Plasma
June 28th, 2007 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

I apologize to anyone I may have offended through my use of the word ‘tard. However, I did have reasons! Most of them subconscious. Many of them subconscious manifestations of the various defenses of the use presented between #135 and this post.
But I think part of my reasoning may have been, in the eyes of these high-schoolers, she is just a ‘tard, nothing more, and I used the word myself to emphasize that point.
A larger part was probably that Shan…non is not a real special-needs student, she is a comic caricature. LJ has made her a one-dimensional monster, so I refer to her in the most derogatory way possible. Real disabled persons are not monsters, and do not deserve scorn. This hideous caricature is, and does deserve scorn, in the sense that LJ deserves scorn for the whole fiasco, and any scorn heaped upon Shan…non is channeled through to LJ herself.

And if none of that makes any sense, you can just assume that I don’t bother with being PC.
Or I stupidly assume that people will automatically recognize my tendency to ignore connotations entirely and choose my words completely based on denotation.
Or I just don’t bother with being PC.
AhClem
June 28th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

Okay, so I read the past several weeks of Popeye to see if this story line makes any sense. It still doesn’t. However, the sight of an Olive Oyl look-alike with sweaterpuppies is something that not even the strongest bleach and wire brush can scrub from my brain. Oh, the humanity!
Plasma
June 28th, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

Alternate theory, after rereading my last comment: Maybe I’m really just a jerk-wad, is all.
queek
June 28th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

147: believe me, its the one’s that you don’t hear that will get you.

best speach ever? my nominee: http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0421.html

170: http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/kilded-it-now-wut.jpg
Charles
June 28th, 2007 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

Just to follow-up with yesterday’s Popeye… Olive Oyl’s gun turned out to be just a squirt toy. Which means that now she knows that no-gooder from the city wants her dead, but also that she let her safeguard down and now EVERYONE knows her deep, dark neurotic self. It took only two days to become more pathetic than Funky Winkerbean, but there you go.
french canadian
June 28th, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

#42: You are so right about cleft palates. I grew up with a kid who was born with a cleft palate; he was a near genius and went to medical school.
LTBF
June 28th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Fable-First of all, Saturn you for forcing me to go to the FOOB website and read that insipid drivel. (Just kidding)

Second, I did read a few comments taking her to task for the unreality of the shannon storyline and speach.

What really drove me nuts about the blog was it saying “April needs a break, so she’s turned it over to Elly.”

THESE ARE FICTIONAL PEOPLE!!!!! Stop treating us like we are little kids going to Santa’s website and being told Mrs. Claus is answering letters because Santa is busy making toys.

A comment about Funky….Since everyone saw the applause after Shannon’s speach a mile away, anyone else suspect Datrin will go inside for lemonade and start snooping around and find information about his adoption?
BigTed
June 28th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

Someone who says “If I told you my name I’d have to kill you,” and someone who thinks that’s funny, deserve each other. But why do we have to be exposed to them?
Trixie Belden
June 28th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

#126 Kate – Oh lordy, did one of Lynn’s employees really write that egregiously brown-nosing post you quoted? I can’t bring myself to go to the FOOB site to check. I almost hope you’re having us on because that post shows me that the FOOB workplace truly is a 1984-like Orwellian hall of horror where people go around saying “spontaneous” remarks like “gosh darn it! Pardon me, but I just have to come right out with it and tell you how fantastic it is to work for Big Brother!” I know we’ve told jokes about Lynn’s workplace being like Oceania but I find it kind of chilling to think it’s literally true.
BunnÃ«
June 28th, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

Hey, I just want to say a bit about what a great group this is. We are self-policing. This is not the first time someone has posted to call people out about going over the line.. and what results is a lot of thoughtful and well-reasoned discussion. And no recriminations or finger-pointing. We are a model for the UN to follow.

Seriously, people, have you read the comments on YouTube? Drivel and dreck and needlessly mean.

Now as to the whole Shannon-cleft-lip-special-education deal: when I read that this morning, I though, what kind of school put you in special ed all day for speech therapy? What does she get, 5 hours of speech therapy, and one of math/english/science/egg-boiling? My conclusion: there must be something ELSE wrong with her. “I… talk… this… way… because… of… the… cleft… palate… but… I’m… in… special… ed… because… I… sniffed… glue.”

Seriously kids, stay away from the glue.
wasoe
June 28th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

MW: Soon, Mary Worth will wander by and leak Vera Shields’ name. Then Vera will kill Drew as she had promised and a giant leak scandal will ensue, although in the end the blame will fall on her chief of staff Victoria “Toby” Cameron who will be sentenced to 30 months in prison. You know how these things go.
QuÃ¤senbo Pan
June 28th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

(DT)GT: I know that critiquing Gil Thorpâ€™s use of perspective is akin to striking ducks at an airport, butâ€¦
Come on! Leaving the illusion of a Brobdingnagian 20-foot outfielder aside, what the [Margo!] is up with the diverging vanishing lines and Escherian telephone in the dugout in the last panel? Iâ€™ve tried everythingâ€¦including assuming the diverging black stripe behind Pitcher-with-Glassesâ€™ shoulder is cast by the sun shining out of the behind of his teammate, departing stage left. But in no three-dimensional space can that telephone receiver be less than half a meter long. I think it is then safe to assume that it is not a telephone, but rather a Jeff Stryker-esque vibrating anal toy. In which case, Clambakeâ€™s work here is done.
Justafoob
June 28th, 2007 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

I have backed off using the noble ‘tard moniker out of deference to people with special needs and the people that are in their lives.

However, in reading the above comments, Shan…non was said to be the Noble ‘Tard and that is probably more the idea I was floating with the moniker. She is not a person, she is a plot device. Slice of life comics or any other type of media start to fall apart when you stop believing in all the characters, main and supporting, as not real people. That is done with realistic characterizations and true to life dialog. Very hard to do and nearly impossible to carry off for the life of your story arc.

Lynn has made Shan…non the Noble Plot Device to further along Apewill and show her saintliness. From asking her to be in 4nevah, to sitting with her in the lunch room, to waiting for mommy to come back and save her at the card store (I remember way too much shit about foobcrap, now where are my car keys) Shan…non is a prop to make Apewill look good.

If Lynn wanted to make a real statement about Special Needs kids she could have had Apewill work closely with them, clean them up, get clocked upside the head when they can’t control their anger, get frustrated working with them. You know, a real world situation.

**Sigh**

When is Thorpfest? I need to get away from it all.
Trotzenbonnie
June 28th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

#203 – Bunn-e with the two dots over it
You said it. I believe Josh sets the amicable tone and his benevolent aura surreptiously dominates the discourse. I wish my family could resolve conflicts with such swiftness and finesse. I wonder if he makes house calls.

And it also amazes me how hilarious people can be without telling fart jokes. (Don’t get me wrong – I love fart jokes – but this site has forced me to greatly expand my humor repertoire. For this I (and my mom) will be eternally grateful).
Moon Mullins
June 28th, 2007 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

OMG! In panel 3 of the Friday A3G Margo’s mom Gabriella has turned into
Catskills Comedian Shecky Greene!
Dean Booth
June 28th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

GT, 6/29 Fill in the blank: Clambake pumped Jim Gross full of ____________,

A comic of aliens, by aliens, for aliens.
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

MT: Sam wants to “come” with Mark…Is NICE! Also,was it ever established what Mark discovered up the female mallard’s rectum-hole when he did his crude colonoscopy? Lave su manos, Marco!
Moon Mullins
June 28th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

169 Buck: Come hang around late at night here, the water’s fine. So what if it is not the beginning of a new thread. You get what is often the best snark of the day with the first crack at the new strips. You can pretty much bet on some great True Fables, Spider-Bricks, Trilobites, and many more of your favorite posters (I’d mention you all if it hadn’t been such a long day at work — you know who you are you clever latenight types you). Makes insomnia worthwhile!
Red Greenback
June 28th, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

Shecky-I saw the unedited photo, and it said: “Steve, thanks for asking, and I’m sure you’re a beautiful man, but I don’t swing that way” (US$900)
left of the pyle
June 28th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

Apparently I’m a plugger. Last weekend the chairs I had in my truck were rejected by both Goodwill and Habitat for Humanity.

Cue the Sanford and Son theme.
sally
June 28th, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

Most of us are pluggers, then. Goodwill has surprisingly high standards, I guess because they don’t actually give your stuff to people who need it but rather sell it to make money to buy new stuff for people who could have done just fine with your old, say, dresser, for free. Not sure I get the logic of that but there it is.

On the other hand, maybe Goodwill is rejecting Ms. Chickenplugger’s dresser because it’s been occupied by chickens and probably smells like chickenbleep.
Uncle Lumpy
June 28th, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

6/29 9CL –

More Edda’s mom and her authoritah.
LTBF
June 28th, 2007 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

You think the furniture owned by the Goodwill guy doesn’t smell like dog bleep?
Plugmein
June 28th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

Well, I bet the bottom drawer of that dresser is full of chicken crap.
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
June 28th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

PeteMoss @ 120,

Like queek said, if you’re looking for more invertibrates in your comic reading (and who isn’t), try ‘My Cage’.

I’m pretty sure we’re the only syndicated comic strip with an amoeba as a regular chracter. :D

-Ed
Peaches
June 28th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

GT: Somebody call the Enterprise, that commentator is a Romulan!
Red Greenback
June 29th, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

Ed Power- More cartilage, Mule!
Proteus
June 29th, 2007 at 12:10 am [Reply]

I pumped you full??

I PUMPED YOU FULL???

w o w.
Frank Parsnip
June 29th, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

MW: The most blatant use of a professional title I’ve seen in years. Why not just raise the stakes a bit so he can be sure of dropping Vera onto all fours later tonight: “Hi, my name is Drew Corey… ASTRONAUT Drew Corey!”
Justafoob
June 29th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

Well, all is forgiven by Apewill with Gerold…..

I bet after the telethon they are fucking like bunnies….

With the Beckster filling in on the “riffs”
Proteus
June 29th, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

Ok, I’m breathing again. You never know when Gil Thorp is gonna sneak up on you like that.

To recap: Clambake really knows how to lock his eye on one hole and keep on swinging till he pumps you full of misplaced confidence.

Wish I’d though of that.

Sadly, I sense that we’re coming to the end of this story arc. Although with Gil Thorp it’s less of an arc and more a jerky, squiggly line. Which seems apt.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 29th, 2007 at 12:33 am [Reply]

Say! Did anyone notice Aldo Kelrast looks like Cap’n Crunch? And his last name is an anagram for “Drunkie”!

Let’s crunch some Friday strips. Snarketize me, Cap’n!

Agnes: How disappointed will she be when she opens that box and finds it contains an undead cat?

A3G: Guest starring as Gabriella in panel 3: Jaime Farr.

Archie: Charlie Brown’s sister Sally sees what Veronica is up to, and it’s really creeping me out.

BB: WTF? Seriously. Sarge can see sound effects?

BH: It took months of seeing this badly-drawn strip before I realized that it’s actually the same two characters every time. I still don’t give a boxcar about them, though.

FW: Gloom, despair, and agony on me. Deep, dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. Gloom, despair, and agony on me.

FBOFW: What did Gerald do to get April to forgive him? Looks like nothing to me. So, why the reconciliation? I guess Sh…anno…n is rubbing off on her. So, she’s rubbing up on him.

GA: Slim, you better back off on the one woman on the planet willing to sleep with you.

(DT)GT: Dean Booth @ 209 has already made the optimal joke for this strip. I bow.

JP: I don’t feel like digging into the archives, but I bet it’s more like a month ago in strip-time.

MT: Either that airplane’s windscreen was made of sugar glass, or Sam Hill is actually Wolverine.

MW: And the ham hand of plot inevitability pushes two future lovers together.

PBS: I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to The National Enquirat.

Preteena: 1) Aren’t sunglasses supposed to block the sun? 2) Stick is nearsighted. Glasses for nearsighted people are concave. They would scatter the sun’s rays, not focus them. 3) If Stick’s and her grandma’s prescriptions are the same, then why wouldn’t grandma’s own glasses have set her hair on fire? 4) Why am I spending more time and effort thinking about this joke than the writer did?

S-M: And where do you plan to change into your costume, Spider-Moron? In the back of the cab?
Skulking on the Outskirts
June 29th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

I was one of those who fussed at the term “tard”. And I’d like to thank everyone who decided to stop using it so much, out of consideration for those of us who were uncomfortable with it. But all these well thought out comments, regarding Johnston’s pretentious, patronizing twaddle about special needs people, have made me rethink the whole issue. You folks are right, “noble tard” is probably the best term for the ridiculous cardboard cutout figure that Johnston has made of Shan…non. It isn’t insulting to real, live special needs people, it’s aimed at L.J. herself, and she damn well deserves it. So I withdraw my objection to the term, and I’m sorry if I came off as prissy to anyone.
Having got that off my chest–DEATH TO JOHNSTON!! DEATH TO FOOBVILLE!! And put us all out of this misery, amen.
Justafoob
June 29th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

So glad that Shan….non served her purpose. Now she can go back home and make some eggs while Apewill goes out and fertilizes hers.
Justafoob
June 29th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

#226

I think that the difference is between the broad noble ‘tard and the specific Noble ‘Tard. A subtle difference but one just the same.
Trilobite
June 29th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

Friday’s comics are here, although I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not:

Beetle Bailey: The most lethal armament in Camp Swampy’s arsenal is the Frowny-Face Rifle. It can mildly depress the enemy at long range…unlike Beetle Bailey, which can only depress you if you make the mistake of reading it and expecting it to be funny.

Dick Tracy: So…the CIA actually paints “CIA” on the side of their cars now? That must make their covert operations more interesting.

Judge Parker: Driving through the Bay Area has triggered Sam’s latent George Lucas genes, causing his hair to assume the famous director’s pompadour at the same time that his face and neck swell up to twice their normal size.

Mark Trail: Mark is happy to go with Sam to find out where the birds came from. And along the way, they’ll work out where the bees came from, too.

Mary Worth: This is either the best flirting I’ve ever heard, or it’s the worst. No, hang on a second….yeah, it’s the worst. Watching Vera attempt to be mysterious and seductive is a bit like watching a four-year-old try to explain how a car works: it’s mostly a stream of nonsense and gibberish, and while it’s amusing, it really isn’t going to lead anywhere. Fortunately for her, Drew’s willing to pretend to listen to anything she says, since she’s the only woman at this party who’s not on Social Security and not sleeping with the Chinbearded Whale. And fortunately for Drew, Vera’s so dull that the only other person in the world who’s ever paid even this much attention to her is Mary Worth. Ah, the blossoming of new, young, tremendously dull romance!

Spider-Man: Riding to his TV interview in a cab might seem even dumber than calling the TV station using his own cellphone, but we have to remember: right now, Peter Parker is totally stoned off his ass. Just look at his crazed face and his clever pinstripe sportcoat + white T-shirt ensemble: that dude is cranked to the gills on high-test mescaline, and it’s probably only his super-spider-metabolism that’s keeping him standing. One more hit and he’ll paint “I’M SPIDER-MAN” on his ass and go streaking through downtown LA.
Non Compost Mentos
June 29th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

DT: I sure am glad that the CIA marks its cars so prominently. One wouldn’t want anyone thinking that they’re clandestine or anything.
NotThatGuy
June 29th, 2007 at 1:06 am [Reply]

MW: Vera is looking positively Thorpian as her forehead morphs upwards and her jawline gets thicker and thicker. And her expression tells me she strangely wants to bite Drew’s nose off.
Echo
June 29th, 2007 at 1:09 am [Reply]

#135: No, Shannon does not represent a real segment of the population. She’s a sock puppet and a stereotype. A “noble ‘tard” is every bit as offensive as a “magic negro” or a “wise Indian” or a “sassy fat black lady” or a “gay best friend”. I do hope you get the picture.

Shan…non has nothing in common with actual humanity. No one in the strip does, really, but no one else is there to so obviously prove the Awesomeness of The Johnston. Lynn Johnston is making herself feel better by using her idea of developmental disability to supposedly make a point, but none of it has anything to do with reality. Shannon is defined entirely and purely by her disability, which she apparently has in order to Teach an Important Lesson to the real people.

We’ve already addressed the fact that high school students do not behave the way they have been in the strip. For crying out loud, what are cafeteria tables made of in Canada? Because NO ONE could stand on a cafeteria table in my high school without it collapsing. Sometimes they just collapsed for the heck of it — and I did not go to a poor school.

FOOB is a manipulative sickening mess, and the Shannon/April arc is worse than anything else in it, which is saying a LOT.

Oh, and I love the idea of a sacrificial temple at Charterstone.
Skulking on the Outskirts
June 29th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

228, Justafoob–I think I’ll refer to all Johnston-created special needs characters as ‘Johnston tards’ from now on. Same meaning as ‘noble tards’, general or specific.
I swear, if I should develop diabetes within the next few months, I’m suing that bitch.
STB! STB! STB! STB! STB! STB! STB! STB!*

*(Sue The Bitch) (thank you, Dingo)
True Fable
June 29th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

Hi-de-ho, it’s time for Snark-o-Rama! Let’s spin that dial and bust a verbal cap in someone’s ass!

9CL Sovereign? Hey, look; I like Juliette and all, but if she thinks she’s comparable to my own Queen Poteet, or the delicious Squid Countess, or the Great Gretskyness known and Galactic Emperor Chennux, then she’s delusional beyond the ken of mortal men. And me.
A3G She’s fine? In ICU and making her doctor whine and two other twin sons of different mothers sweat and worry is fine? I guess Luanne in a coma is just dandy to Margo, come to think of it. Now “git after yo’ mama!”
Archie The only Jam Packed thing I see on that public beach is the little kid staring straight back at Veronica’s binocs.
JP Man, I am eating up Barreto’s artwork this week. Although Trudi looks a lot like a Cancerbean blonde. That’s right, Sam; she don’t need your help or your stinkin’ badges no more! Aw, don’t worry about it. Flash a little chest hair and she’s yours.
MT Come come come come, come and go with me
Let’s go shinney up a sweetgum tree
I need your eyehook, come and go with me
wo wo wo wo-oh.
I’m just so surprised that after all that alarm about her eyesight, she isn’t scratched up or anything today. It’s the mystical Trailianism religion at work.
MW It’s called Meddler’s Tongue, Vera. you know, I fully expect her to lie tomorrow and tell him instead of a clerk-typist, she makes up something wild and impossible, like…data entry clerk, or Vice-President of Stuff.
RMMD the artwork is great here too. The Bi-Polar kids look great together, don’t they?
Brown-eyed Girl
June 29th, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

FBOFW — So, Gerald repays April’s roadside generosity by trashing her reputation, and then lacks the balls to tell her he’s going to play in her arch-enemy’s band. As someone else has pointed out, what the margo has he done to deserve her forgiveness? Why the margo would any girl with spirit want to be “more than friends” with this immature asshat. April’s getting back together with Gerald IS NOT A GOOD THING, Lynn! You have written him as a jerk-off, remember.

God, Lynn must really despise women. Why else does she keep setting up Liz and now April with losers and abusers.
Mibbitmaker
June 29th, 2007 at 2:58 am [Reply]

Fri.:

A3G: I’m no atheist, but I gotta root for Margo here. Is she working for us now? NAAAAHH!

(DT)GT: Gee, maybe refering to Clammy as “That old dude” says alot about why you didn’t try enough to please the old coot.

FOOB: April’s face does alot of shape-shifting this ep. As she learned the o-so-precious lesson from St. Shannon, she actually has Shannon’s face!! Then, her lips really balloon up, well past Angelina Jolie’s… hell, even Mick Jagger’s!!

9CL: Next to Dr. Stickuperbutt, Donald Trump is Mr. Overly Humble! Queen Bee….. otch!

JP: “…in a galaxy far, far away…”

MT, Panel 1: Either Sam’s briefly invisible, or she’s really pounding on that door. It probably fell off its hinges.

FW: “this place” being their comic strip.
Cerulean Pointing Hand of Doom!
June 29th, 2007 at 4:41 am [Reply]

#130 Jamus: That BDSM goes the other way. See SSB’s comment @68. Not that I would know anything about that (or suspect that our beloved SSB is having sordid Dr. Burber fantasies).

#180 Fable: While I agree with you on all points as far as what Lynn seems to be trying to convey, I will say there are people whose relationships unfailingly end in their partners’ infidelity rather than said partners just calling it off. That part is realistic, sadly. This doesn’t mean the cheated-ons are not responsible to some extent — recognize the pattern; figure out how to change it. But for Liz, it’s only ben two cheaters … sadly, the Lizanthopocalypse will probably be the “figure out how to change it” portion. Ugh.

As for Friday’s FBorFW: At least the “punchline” wasn’t in a damned thought bubble.
Porkypine
June 29th, 2007 at 6:27 am [Reply]

Dammit, my funiture just *was* rejected by Goodwill.
Pfooti
June 29th, 2007 at 6:59 am [Reply]

Could have been the Bay Bridge. That’s a suspension bridge too, and it’s gray. The islandy bit could be yerba buena island to boot. Of course, it looks more like the Golden Gate than the Bay Bridge.
Never teh Bride
June 29th, 2007 at 8:50 am [Reply]

Most. Depressing. Pluggers. Ever.
Tipsy
June 29th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

It disturbs me that Vera seems to be rapidly morphing into Mary. It’s even more disturbing that this seems to be turning Dr. Drew on. He’s not going to think gardening’s so boring in a few weeks when Vera, looking fetching in her new kerchief, is showing him her “handiwork” in naughty-grandma shorts that show off her muscular calves.

The real Mary will be pleased. This is a way for her and Dr. Jeff to reproduce without actually getting sticky.
PInk Haired Girl
June 29th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

At first I thought Dr.Drew Cory was Dr. Jeff Cory. Crap, that would be a good story line.
King Folderol
June 29th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

MW – The concrete stairs are for people who want to jump into the gorge below and end it all, which happens a lot in the mind-numbingly boring confines of Charterstone.

Plugger – Sadly, I can relate to this cartoon, as we had some stuff rejected once by the Salvation Army. I must say that sometimes I feel like Pluggers is a little harsh in their judgment of who or what a Plugger is but, at that moment, I felt very much like a Plugger.

GT (DT) – Kid, if believing in something made it true, we’d all be millionaires living on our own private islands being serviced by supermodels. The Zen of Clambake is all well and good on the baseball diamond, but you’d better start applying yourself and stop thinking that willing something into being will make it so.
Shiptic Canker
July 1st, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

Dean Booth # 209 wins the Gil Thorpe Subtitle Contest. Right, who’s printing the T-shirts?
rwellor
July 1st, 2007 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

Wasn’t poor Aldo the last man in Charterstone to relish the “challenge” of a standoffish woman?

I swear, if the harpies of Mary Worth drive another innocent man to suicide someone better call Dick Tracy.

Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors.

Archives:

Comment of the week:

Main navigation:

Main content:

All we are saying is give Clambake a chance

245 responses to “All we are saying is give Clambake a chance”

Leave a Reply

All the cool kids…

Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery