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Archie Andrews: The most mildly dangerous game

Archie, 6/29/07

When I was a little kid, one of my favorite comic series was Richie Rich. I loved how ridiculously and cartoonishly wealthy he was; there was one particularly memorable sequence in which Richie and his family wandered through a wing of their freakishly huge mansion that they had forgotten existed, and found among other things a bathtub full of jewels. Archie’s Lodge family’s plutocratic status never quite reaches that level of caricature, but sometimes it comes close. The enormous gap in wealth between Veronica’s family and everybody else in Riverdale does lead one to wonder about the community’s economic structure: perhaps it’s all a company town owned by Mr. Lodge. The absence of a community of fellow-billionaires at least explains why Veronica goes to Riverdale High with the plebes: there aren’t enough rich kids to sustain an elite private school, and education at home with a governess has sadly fallen out of style.

At any rate, you’d think that the Lodges could at least afford a secluded private beach that wasn’t within binocular-viewing distance of the grubby seashore where the masses hang out. From the looks of it, they can’t be more than a hundred yards or so from the public beach; maybe there’s just a velvet rope separating the two or something. The weird target thing in the background might explain the proximity, though: perhaps the Lodges like to pick off plebian beach-goers with a high-powered rifle for sport. Since Riverdale law enforcement consists entirely of Lodge hired goons, they can hunt this cunning human prey with impunity.

The little girl at bottom right, who is at most knee high and yet appears to be about eight, is freaking me out. MAKE HER STOP STARING AT ME!

Gil Thorp, 6/29/07

The immature among you will no doubt latch onto the phrase “I pumped you full” and have your jollies at the thought of ol’ Clambake sodomizing the student-athletes of Milford. Maybe you’ll even use it in your own classless double-entendres (“Yeah, I’d like to pump her full of misplaced confidence, if you know what I mean!”). For my money, though, the funniest thing in this strip is the narration box in panel three. If I had my druthers, every single Gil Thorp strip would include a panel that contained the phrase “Also down on himself: [Insert name of indistinguishable Milford resident here].” Soon the strip will be so consumed with self-loathing that it’ll make Funky Winkerbean seem like an Ecstacy-fuelled rave.

Family Circus, 6/29/07

Since PJ is the fourth child, if we were being realistic his baby book would actually contain his crumpled-up birth certificate stuck between two random pages and nothing else. The kids seem to have the right idea, as they clearly think of him as one of the pets.

257 responses to “Archie Andrews: The most mildly dangerous game”

  1. Obélix
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    Did Mr. Lodge inherit it, or did he make his money? (1st?)

  2. Dr. Shrinker
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    I think the “beach” that Archie and Betty are on is actually an artillery range…between the large target behind them and what appear to be half-buried landmines all around them.

    The kid? Probably just a target dummy for some gunner with a sick sense of humor…

  3. Trilobite
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Damn, I commented on the previous post just as the new one was going up. I hate when that happens. So because I can hardly be shamed more than I already am, I’m just going to necropost my comments here.

    Friday’s comics are here, although I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not:

    Beetle Bailey: The most lethal armament in Camp Swampy’s arsenal is the Frowny-Face Rifle. It can mildly depress the enemy at long range…unlike Beetle Bailey, which can only depress you if you make the mistake of reading it and expecting it to be funny.

    Dick Tracy: So…the CIA actually paints “CIA” on the side of their cars now? That must make their covert operations more interesting.

    Judge Parker: Driving through the Bay Area has triggered Sam’s latent George Lucas genes, causing his hair to assume the famous director’s pompadour at the same time that his face and neck swell up to twice their normal size.

    Mark Trail: Mark is happy to go with Sam to find out where the birds came from. And along the way, they’ll work out where the bees came from, too.

    Mary Worth: This is either the best flirting I’ve ever heard, or it’s the worst. No, hang on a second….yeah, it’s the worst. Watching Vera attempt to be mysterious and seductive is a bit like watching a four-year-old try to explain how a car works: it’s mostly a stream of nonsense and gibberish, and while it’s amusing, it really isn’t going to lead anywhere. Fortunately for her, Drew’s willing to pretend to listen to anything she says, since she’s the only woman at this party who’s not on Social Security and not sleeping with the Chinbearded Whale. And fortunately for Drew, Vera’s so dull that the only other person in the world who’s ever paid even this much attention to her is Mary Worth. Ah, the blossoming of new, young, tremendously dull romance!

    Spider-Man: Riding to his TV interview in a cab might seem even dumber than calling the TV station using his own cellphone, but we have to remember: right now, Peter Parker is totally stoned off his ass. Just look at his crazed face and his clever pinstripe sportcoat + white T-shirt ensemble: that dude is cranked to the gills on high-test mescaline, and it’s probably only his super-spider-metabolism that’s keeping him standing. One more hit and he’ll paint “I’M SPIDER-MAN” on his ass and go streaking through downtown LA.

  4. Proteus
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    Since I spent a fair amount of time on the last thread spewing about Clambake’s interesting choice of words, I assume I am among those Josh is referring to as immature and classless.

    Why Josh, I’m flattered!

    But I repeat (since its the cleverest thing I’ve been able to come up with in a while and I tossed it away at a threadend):

    Sadly, I sense that we’re coming to the end of this story arc. Although with Gil Thorp it’s less of an arc and more a jerky, squiggly line. Which seems apt.

  5. Widdle Jeffy
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    What disturbs me more about the baby book is the fact that there is a picture of Thel and Bill conceiving PJ.

    Who took that anyway, Billy?

  6. Hysterical Woman
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Fourth child doesn’t get a freaking baby book. They’re lucky if their parents don’t lose their birth certificate.

  7. Hysterical Woman
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Also, the Fourth Children only lasts one day on the job before their Eva goes berserk.

  8. Jimbo
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    I like Dr. Shrinker’s keen assessment.

    I wonder, though. If the Lodges are so rich, why does Veronica have a transistor radio with no control knobs? Is there a special rich station that broadcasts at a frequency inaudible to poor people’s ears?

  9. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    Trilobite @ 3 (and 229 yesterthread): COTW nom on your Spider-Man comment. Hilarious! Beats mine all hollow.

    But if you get to necropost, I shall too.

    Agnes: How disappointed will she be when she opens that box and finds it contains an undead cat?

    A3G: Guest starring as Gabriella in panel 3: Jaime Farr.

    Archie: Charlie Brown’s sister Sally sees what Veronica is up to, and it’s really creeping me out.

    BB: WTF? Seriously. Sarge can see sound effects?

    BH: It took months of seeing this badly-drawn strip before I realized that it’s actually the same two characters every time. I still don’t give a boxcar about them, though.

    FW: Gloom, despair, and agony on me. Deep, dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. Gloom, despair, and agony on me.

    FBOFW: What did Gerald do to get April to forgive him? Looks like nothing to me. So, why the reconciliation? I guess Sh…anno…n is rubbing off on her. So, she’s rubbing one off on him.

    GA: Slim, you better back off on the one woman on the planet willing to sleep with you.

    (DT)GT: Dean Booth @ 209 (yesterthread) has already made the optimal joke for this strip. I bow.

    JP: I don’t feel like digging into the archives, but I bet it’s more like a month ago in strip-time.

    MT: Either that airplane’s windscreen was made of sugar glass, or Sam Hill is actually Wolverine.

    MW: And the ham hand of plot inevitability pushes two future lovers together.

    PBS: I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to The National Enquirat.

    Preteena: 1) Aren’t sunglasses supposed to block the sun? 2) Stick is nearsighted. Glasses for nearsighted people are concave. They would scatter the sun’s rays, not focus them. 3) If Stick’s and her grandma’s prescriptions are the same, then why wouldn’t grandma’s own glasses have set her hair on fire? 4) Why am I spending more time and effort thinking about this joke than the writer did?

    S-M: And where do you plan to change into your costume, Spider-Moron? In the back of the cab?

  10. Eleusis
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    I have to admit that I’m vaguely unsettled by the idea of Mr. Lodge having Veronica put on a bikini and then taking her to this ‘private beach’. Where is Mrs. Lodge? Why is Mr. Lodge giving his daughter that come-hither stare while cocking his hip jauntily like a sorority lass in heat? All I know is it screams future therapy.

  11. Skulking on the Outskirts
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    Josh, I think that weird target thingie in the background behind Archie is actually a giant sea snail. Any moment now, Rex Harrison is going to pop out singing “If I could talk to the animals…”
    ….well, okay, that’s what I wish would happen. It would have to be an improvement over the usual Archie fare.

  12. GodWithFire
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    Best legs of a comic strip mom? Rose from “Rose is Rose.” Yikes. Blondie, pack your bags.

  13. Skulking on the Outskirts
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    BTW, if anybody could post yet another quick refresher course in how to make italics, strike-thru’s, bold lettering, etc, I would be grateful. I can’t seem to get the hang of it. Every time I check out my efforts in “see it before…etc”, it’s come out wrong. Grrrrrr.

  14. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    Hysterical Woman @ 7: Kudos for the Evangelion ref. Hey True Fable, we have another anime fan! One of us! One of us! Gooble gobble! Gooble gobble!

  15. Kurdt
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Awww, I actually feel kind of bad for making fun of old-man Clambake. It might be that its almost 3 in the morning and I’m tired as all crap but that sad look on his face isn’t as funny as I envisioned it. Yup, I need to go to bed.

  16. Octal
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    So, Veronica has a voyeurism kink? Or maybe she just likes oggling Betty’s cleavage.

  17. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    FBoFW …”we’re Roadside again!”
    (DT)GT Down on himself – Ken Burger! This shit just writes itself, I swear.

  18. unMichael
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    You must be freaked out if you’ve lost the ability to tell right from left.

  19. Old Bean
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Archie: Josh, you were right about the ALGJU 3000 subtly smuggling its own perspective into the strip. Here it mirrors the human drama with a poignant story of unrequited machine love – see the Lodge’s little radio staring longingly at Veronica’s boombox, which has its back turned and doesn’t even notice. Sniff.

    FOOB: While off in Lynn’s la-la land the Power of Shannon spreads a wave of love through the school, real Shannon has more earthly concerns…

    Shannon Lake in… Face off! (Shannon part 8)

    (Might need to scroll down.)

  20. BigTed
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    That creepy young girl looks disturbingly like Betty, with maybe a little bit of Archie thrown in. Could it be that they had a secret love child when they were just 13? If so, maybe they’ve been a couple ever since, and the whole “triangle” with Veronica was just a way for them to scam the local rich girl out of her fortune before doing away with her, Wild Things-style.

  21. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    ARCHIE ANDREWS is the kind of comic you would come to expect because it is part of a “legacy” and the current crop of artists and writers all work together to make it safe and clean and wholesome and altogether bland, making one weeks worth of strips no different than any other week. Archie Andrews is the McDonald’s of comic strips. You’ll find no current topics, and it is a rare event if a person in the strip is black brown or yellow.

  22. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    #14 She is one of the body! Yay!!!
    Anime is teh cool.

    FC this must mean that PJ is eligible to be buried in the back yard after The Jeffy Killing Spree.
    Cathy Must Die Not learners! Not achievers! Cathy and Irving, you are Ultra Hyped-up Consumers from Hell. They remind me of my ex-in-laws. oh the pain william dear boy, the pain!
    DtM Check out Wilson’s narrowed, furtively glancing eyes as he thinks, “It’s where I hide the bodies…and this little fukker is next.”
    BB Be all that you can be. On drugs. In the Army.
    H&L Then offer to tutor her, stupid! Christ, maybe you DO need summer school, Chip. in Shannon’s class.
    DT Cool and smooth with a hand like that? Looks more like gnarled and twisted.
    FW Oh, STFU, Miss I-Give-Up. You’re the one who’s going back to the same hospital that screwed you over. Margo you.
    MC HA! I liked this one!
    Curtis No no no! Don’t turn serial like FOOB! The whole space-time continuum will collapse on itself. Don’t do it, Ray!

  23. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    #19 Old Bean – All right!! You are really getting this down to a fine art!

  24. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    oh what the hell, I’ll necrosnark my last yesterthread post for the hell of it, and to round out my snark-o-rama.

    Hi-de-ho, it’s time for Snark-o-Rama! Let’s spin that dial and bust a verbal cap in someone’s ass!

    9CL Sovereign? Hey, look; I like Juliette and all, but if she thinks she’s comparable to my own Queen Poteet, or the delicious Squid Countess, or the Great Gretskyness known and Galactic Emperor Chennux, then she’s delusional beyond the ken of mortal men. And me.
    A3G She’s fine? In ICU and making her doctor whine and two other twin sons of different mothers sweat and worry is fine? I guess Luanne in a coma is just dandy to Margo, come to think of it. Now “git after yo’ mama!”
    Archie The only Jam Packed thing I see on that public beach is the little kid staring straight back at Veronica’s binocs.
    JP Man, I am eating up Barreto’s artwork this week. Although Trudi looks a lot like a Cancerbean blonde. That’s right, Sam; she don’t need your help or your stinkin’ badges no more! Aw, don’t worry about it. Flash a little chest hair and she’s yours.
    MT Come come come come, come and go with me
    Let’s go shinney up a sweetgum tree
    I need your eyehook, come and go with me
    wo wo wo wo-oh.
    I’m just so surprised that after all that alarm about her eyesight, she isn’t scratched up or anything today. It’s the mystical Trailianism religion at work.
    MW It’s called Meddler’s Tongue, Vera. you know, I fully expect her to lie tomorrow and tell him instead of a clerk-typist, she makes up something wild and impossible, like…data entry clerk, or Vice-President of Stuff.
    RMMD The artwork is great here too. The Bi-Polar kids look great together, don’t they?

  25. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    #13 – use the

  26. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    well, hell.

  27. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    #13 use the “greater than” and “lesser than” symbols over the comma and period of your keyboard, in the order of making a diamond out of the two of them when joined together.

    Between the diamond, use b to bold and /b to unbold; the same for i and /i for italics and strike and /strike for strikethroughs.

    /rant, unfortunately, is only used by me and other foaming at the mouth ranters to indicate it’s safe to come out now. nothing special about it.

    Links are easier to follow if you find a good http site, but essentially between the diamond, put a href=”
    immediately followed by the address of what you want to link to, followed immediately by ”

    after the end of the diamond, write what you want the blue linky to say, followed by the diamond enclosing /a

    and that’s about it.

  28. unMichael
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    Looking again at panel two of Archie, more things are troublesome. (1) Unless Betty has an extra finger, her right hand thumb is extremely long. (2) What are those discs sticking partially out of the sand? Land mines? If so, maybe the little girl is a batting prodigy, waiting for someone to step on one so she can practice batting the jumping part at the target down the beach. Practice, for when she grows up and transfers to FW. (3) What’s that thing between Betty’s radio and the bottle of ink (or whatever) on her blanket? (4) That middle bird looks more like a flying wizard than a gull. (5) Are those escaping balloons, or Balok’s ship from the original Star Trek lowering a line to an ecstatic Trekkie?

  29. Jack Parsons
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    A cleft palate can cause retardation if the cleft is deep enough to expose brain tissue. And sterilizing the cleft with Canadian Club does not help.

  30. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    GF As the incredibly fortunate co-habitant with a wonderful American Staffordshire Terrier (AKC-recognized close cousin of the UKC-recognized Pit Bull), let me say this:


    “Kill their owners” – but only the bad ones who make ‘em fight.

  31. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    By the way, what kind of dog is Satchel? I forget.

  32. Jack Parsons
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    FC: “Baby’s First Book”? It’s the only one he’ll ever see before they lock him in the basement with their other five brain-damaged kids.

  33. unMichael
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    31: Shar Pei?

  34. Jack Parsons
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    “Veronica, can you see? If you bend over a little more those binocs work better. Juuuuusssst liiiiiike thaaaaat…

  35. left of the pyle
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    Classless double entendres, eh? You mean like this:

    “I’d like to fuck her, if you know what I mean… by which I mean I’d like to enter into sexual congress with that woman in a fashion which is simultaneously crude and wonderful, performing acts that are illegal in several southern states.”

  36. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    #33 I was thinking Shar Pei but he isn’t very wrinkly, is he? Oh, well, who cares. Still a great strip. Especially today’s!

    (I’m a big proponent of the bully breeds, as you can probably tell.)

  37. GodWithFire
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:36 am [Reply]


    Think of them as switches. The first instance turns the effect on, the second one turns it off, using the same tag but with a / in front of it.

    So if you’re typing along, and then put in <B> in your sentence, suddenly things will be in boldface. And in boldface they will remain, until you put in </B>.

    Italics are controlled the same way. Start them with <I>, end them with </I>

    strikethrough’s switches are <strike> and </strike>

    emphasis is controlled with <em> and </em>, respectively.

    Hope this helps.

  38. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    But what’s the different between italics and emphasis?

  39. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    And what about bold v. strong?

  40. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    And why the hell am I the only one still writing comments here?

  41. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    Goddammit. I’m going to bed.

  42. unMichael
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    36: Checking Wikipedia (I know), it says his dad was a lab and his mom was a Shar Pei.

  43. Brown-eyed Girl
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    Repost, since the old thread died without my noticing…

    FBOFW — So, Gerald repays April’s roadside generosity by trashing her reputation, and then lacks the balls to tell her he’s going to play in her arch-enemy’s band. As someone else has pointed out, what the margo has he done to deserve her forgiveness? Why the margo would any girl with spirit want to be “more than friends” with this immature asshat. April’s getting back together with Gerald IS NOT A GOOD THING, Lynn! You have written him as a jerk-off, remember.

    God, Lynn must really despise women. Why else does she keep setting up Liz and now April with losers and abusers.

  44. left of the pyle
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    Kronkina re Satchel: Father was a Lab (“Copernicus,” a retired guide dog); Mother was a Shar Pei.

  45. Jack Parsons
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    To me the square body and hang-dog face is reminiscent of the yellow labrador. Ugly as hell.

  46. The Avocado Avenger
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    I think with Lynn J, every man is a scuzball. However, there are degrees of scuzballedness which are acceptable, determined by a random set of rules that exist only in Lynn’s head.

    What I love about Josh is that he always sees the funniest stuff before I do. I was telling my husband to come over and see the hilarious narration box in (DT)GT, when I came here and saw Josh had already hilariously and professionally snarked it. That’s why Josh gets the big bucks, my friends.

  47. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    # 43 Brown eyed Girl: I’m keenly interested in whether or not Lynn or one of her minions replies to my comment in her coffee shop thing. And if she does, how she figures on explaining her decisions.

    # 41 Kronkina: Honey, you have to wait a minute or two at least! So they tell me, har har har.

  48. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    and yes, what IS the difference between italics and emphasis, other than the number of letters in their names?

  49. Brown-eyed Girl
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    It’s late, and the old blog bar is empty but for a few hardened souls… perhaps that’s why I find Archie kind of melancholy today. Poor Veronica: isolated by privilege, trapped in a gilded-cage, destined to observe real-life from a distance…poor, poor little rich girl.

  50. Scot
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    In the old Saturday morning Archie animated cartoons, the Lodges were the only people in Riverdale who spoke with a Southern accent; ergo upstart land barons who still owned half the town and industry.

    Veronica’s just a frustrated socialite without a proper outlet, like maybe coke or a Coyote Ugly bar or a Ferrari she could trash. A malt shop? Jeezus. No wonder she’s such a bitch.

  51. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    # 46 Avocado Avenger: I thought maybe the non-scum factor was how pussywhipped the man is. At least, all of Lynn’s acceptable males are whipped as hell. Or, leave off the “whipped” in that statement, it’s probably closer to the truth.

    I wonder why she’s so down on both men AND women. The only character she dotes on seems to be Michael. Most of the laughs at him are the ‘ha ha, isn’t that the truth, by golly’ kind, nothing like Elly’s fat ass getting laughed at, or getting humiliated by dogs smarter than she is. Liz is blind and stupid, April is young and stupid, John is stupid and stupider. Grampa is old and stupid and Iris is an outsider so she gets her own kind of punishment, the “you are invisible and don’t count, and stupid” variety.
    Only Mike, the humble, loveable, we-watched-him-grow-up dear heart who bagged the girl of his youth and dreams, threw off two munchkins with her, gets the warm fuzzy moment treatment in perpetuity. Even when he makes a ‘mistake’ it’s not a mistake because it’s supposed to be Endearing.
    Endearing, my ass.

  52. AppleGirl
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:13 am [Reply]

    FBOFW – Awww, Apwil just wants to have a fun summer. Lynn knows a girl can’t have a fun summer without a boyfriend. Which reminds me…

    Emperor Chennux – Miss ya, big guy! Text me!

  53. Mibbitmaker
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    #236, yesterthread: Me. Didn’t see this one coming until most of my initial shark was typed. So, in order to get even a tiny bit of sleep, I’ll start the comments reading after that (and get mildly embarrassed seeing this post again then).

    Oh, and death to Clam — er, Gil Thorp!

  54. AppleGirl
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:18 am [Reply]

    9CL – Brookie sure likes his women stern, huh.

  55. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    On betty’s blanket:

    1. Betty
    2. Portable radio/ cd player/ depends on the decade
    3. A fat jar of petroleum jelly, maybe?
    4. either a monkey’s paw or a strange half-rolled up tube of toothpaste or cream or ointment, with an unnecessarily large cap on the end of it. Or, a used condom with a Thrush exhaust decal on it, probably sold under the name, “thrust”.

    You are missing a hell of a shindig, Veronica, because I suspect that isn’t Archie’s left knee, if you know what I mean ‘e said knowingly, wink wink nudge nudge, say no more!

  56. Brown-eyed Girl
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    47 TF — That was an excellent rant you sent Lynn’s way. Very interested to hear how she responds. I expect her reply will be some non sequitur, if she doesn’t totally ignore you.

  57. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:49 am [Reply]

    # 56 Brown-Eyed Girl: thanks. I figured that as much as I snark and as oft-times viciously as i snark on her strip, I at least owed it to her to address her directly, such as it is.

    I’d honestly like to know if she really believes she’s “telling it like it is”, or if she’s well aware that her set-ups are all fake but she’s rationalizing it to herself that it’s the message, not the method, that counts.

    As for the Research and Development shtick, I don’t see how she can explain the Instant Successful Author of that tripe. Did she just ASSUME that cartoonists are just offered the opportunity to draw for a syndicate, as she was? Did she just ASSUME that it’s as easy as she depicted, for a new writer to break into the biz? She was awfully damn lucky to have the kind of professional breaks she had, but geez, someone needs to tell her, her life’s experience is NOT the standard.

    omg, suppose she actually writes those letters herself? or suppose someone on her staff who ‘always wanted to write’ was given free rein to create their little world? Or it’s her daughter that is undermining the strip and site’s credibility with that crap?

  58. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    Meh, omg nothing. Whoever writes that claptrap needed to be told it stinks.

  59. TB Tabby
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    Today’s Family Circus brings back some very unpleasant memories.

  60. Jobrill
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:09 am [Reply]

    #7: The Evangelion reference had me laughing for a solid minute. Good show!

    In a vague attempt to contribute something to conversation…Uh… A Patterson in an EVA: Is the world doomed?

    I’d say yes, since singularity would probably thrill Lynn to death. Not only does she get to keep her kids close, she gets to INVADE THEIR MINDS.

  61. CrabbyGenes
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    to #56 and #57 (Brown-Eyed Girl and True Fable): My guess is that Lynn will ignore you. Too bad, because I’d love to see how she would respond. Flippantly? Sarcastically? Sincerely?

    I notice that there are more positive responses to her Shannon story-line than negative ones. I assume that it’s because her ardent fans post on that site more than her ardent anti-fans do. (Is anti-fan a word?)

    I would really like to see an “on-the-street” sort of poll taken—a poll of any and all people who regularly read the strip. I don’t mean one of Lynn’s Website polls, and I don’t mean a CC poll. (We can predict the results of both of those!) I guess the question would be, “What do you think of the FBOFW strip these days? And the Shannon series in particular?”

    Or maybe the question would be along the lines of whether the quality of the strip has improved, stayed the same, or gotten worse over the years.

    See, I often get the idea that we FOOB-haters are sort of “preaching to the converted” here at CC. Reading all those letters on the Foobsite though, reminds me that that there are a lot of people in the world who still like the strip.

    What turns a fan into an anti-fan? Why am I here with the Curmudgeons instead of continuing to cheer Lynn on, as I used to do? Have I seen the light, and others, not? What was my turning point? Why are those (continuing) fans so blind? ARE they blind? What makes the difference between them and me?

    Last time I was home, I started dissing the strip to my 80-year old mother, who got mad at me. (It was a year or two ago, when I began to suspect that Johnston’s ultimate plan was to have Elizabeth go back to Anthony, and I was feeling pretty disgusted about it.) “It’s still the best strip in the paper!” my mom said defensively. So I shut up and turned to sister “Poteet” for FOOB-snarking. (And warned her not to diss the strip to our mom. Later, she discovered this website, and here we are!)

    Well, I am beginning to ramble. But seriously, as a former ardent fan who still has trouble believing that I’ve come to hate the strip as much as I do, I often ponder the above-mentioned things, especially at night when I can’t sleep.

  62. The Avocado Avenger
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:20 am [Reply]

    #51 True Fable – I think Michael is a representation of her real-life son, and she’s decided he’s pretty much perfect.

    In all seriousness, I can never figure out how some comic strip authors just can’t see how their characters are perceived by others. Lynn’s treatment of Michael is cloying and a bit unnerving, especially since he’s supposed to be perfect but simply isn’t. If she wants him to be perfect, why doesn’t she make him act better? The way he treated Grampa Chinnuts during the “boxcar” series was abominable. Why doesn’t Lynn see this?

    (And why doesn’t Batiuk see that his cancer awareness strip is maudlin, cloying, and insulting? Why doesn’t McEldowney realize his characters come off as snotty, holier-than-thou jerks who hate to mingle with plebes? Who knows.)

    Maybe it’s just easier to let Michael do absolutely anything and hope the audience accepts his perfectitude.

    I should go to sleep, I didn’t make a single snark in this entry. I lost my funny! Maybe it’s in the couch cushions.

  63. Inmo
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    I know it may sound strange..but I remember seeing this Archie strip before. Except at the time (late 80′s) it was a cover on one of the digests.

  64. Skulking on the Outskirts
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:25 am [Reply]

    True Fable and GodWithFire, thanks for your help! You guys rock!

  65. Skulking on the Outskirts
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    Um, but what is the difference between emphasis and italic? They looked pretty much the same to me.

  66. Lynngineering
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:47 am [Reply]

    Archie: Archieville always seemed like a cautionary tale for some midwest ten commandmants of sexual repression. The anagram for Riverdale, is “Real Drive” (Unless you prefer the more revealing “Rear Devil”).
    In this so-called beach scene (really the arid wasteland of their minds) it makes sense that Veronica’s first and last name form an anagram for “Veronica Ogled”… While sitting sheltered by Daddy, what exactly does the narcissistic teenager peer at except herself in the form of her more roadside, earthy ‘rival’ Betty on the other side of the Riverdale tracks. The name ‘Betty Cooper’ as anagram reveals a favorite Riverdale position: “top erect boy”.
    The Riverdale restriction of urges seems to define the limits of any sexual partnerships: “Betty and Archie” anagram works out to the vibrantesque wonders of “Chained Battery” while “Archie and Veronica” conjur “A Chained Carnivore”. Don’t even get me started on “Archie and Jughead”….(hint: “Hued Jihad Carnage”)

    FBOFW: In the last period, Michael has shown the doctors in the hospital that he responds to certain clinical drug trials. The latest that was administered to him is a kind of extreme morphine-derived trial drug, nicknamed by the doctors as “Afternoon Special”. It appears to have worked wonders, he seems relaxed, less agitated, breathing easier…. That explains the change in dreams as well. The lengthy stupor of his bland, step-by-step Sha-na-na-on dream sequence is a kind of inserted ad campaign for having access to good clinically administered morphine.

    But we see today evidence that Michael’s brain-waves are starting to register output in more unruly patterns… Yes, it’s April and Gerald again..yes he’s allowed out of the closet, they are more than “friends”.. But Michael’s subdued sides starts to register…he recalls that he had dreamt up that national excuse for televised moral scrutiny and financial guilt, the “telethon” , as an excuse for a huge convergence of different relationship plots. The Beckster will be there.. And both doctors and the comatose Michael know the drugs don’t last.

  67. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    #64 Skulking OTO: Lookit you, all fancy and whatnot!

    You have learned well, young grasshopper. When you can snatch the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to snark.

    I’d like to saunter back over to RMMD territory for a bit, and gnash on something.It’s pretty well established that Milton is alive, will be picked up any day now and miraculously brought back to Rexland. At which point will this be? Before Hugh can sober up enough to realize June is nothing more than just some really stern glares and a killer pair of cones? Before Hugh and Heather can patch up their differences? After they patch up their differences and call a truce? After they go after it like bees grinding? (“you may be a nanny, but baby, I’m yo’ DADDY!”) Once Heather is acknowledged as the Pwner of All Things Avery?

    I’m beyond all that. I want to know what the next storyline will be, the one that will take months in our time to handle but will never let us check up on Niki’s garage cleaning skills, or see if Sara eats anything but ice cream (geez, the dental bills this kid’s going to have!) And alas and alack, poor Rex will never be able to ever see Troy again.

    Hey, what ever happened to Eightball? Did he move to Milford and suddenly age with shock, and become Clambake? That would explain why he mixed up his Negro League information.

    The more you know….

  68. lesles
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:49 am [Reply]

    Skulking – here is a guide that may be helpful. there’s hundreds of them out there on the you-know-what, but the chart on this one makes it pretty straight forward. not all html tags work here, though. the little note from josh above the comment box tells you which ones you can get away with.

  69. Brown-eyed Girl
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:49 am [Reply]

    61. CG. I supect that most comic-readers don’t really think about what they read. I had a “man-behind -the-curtain” moment with FBOFW, and after that I could no longer ignore the sanctimoniousness of the Pattersons and the cloying artificiality of the world Lynn’s created. The current FBOFW is a grotesque caricature of a once great comic strip, which is why I now hate it so much.

    It was a relief to find this site. I had just about given up on all comics, until Josh showed me a new way to enjoy them.

  70. True Fable
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    #66 Lynngineering: OOooh! Do you do dream/coma interpretations for other cranially distressed strips, too? The anagram analysis has been a real eye-opener.

    I’ve been looking forward to seeing what your take is on the latest Shannon developments, and it was enjoyable as always.

  71. AppleGirl
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:20 am [Reply]

    66 – Yep. Lynngineering, you’re pretty much the most genius of anyone. I don’t know how your mind works, but I’m in awe, madame. Your dissections of the comics are always amazing.

  72. Skulking on the Outskirts
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    68, lesles–wow, that’s a little advanced for me, but I’ll print it out and put it by, in case I ever feel real brave. Thank you!
    And in general–I just a few minutes ago read Friday’s Foob, and DIE, JOHNSTON, DIE, DIE, WILL YOU JUST DIE ALREADY AND PUT US ALL OUT OF YOUR NARCISSISM, yeah, it still sucks, like I expected anything different. At least we’re longer forced to watch Saint April and her little acolyte Shan….non anymore. September, hurry up and get here.
    Master True Fable and Master GodWithFire, thank you both again. :)

  73. goaty
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    ARCHIE — Am I the only one who is wondering why a little girl is wearing knee-high socks with sandals to the sandy beach?

  74. Lynngineering
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:28 am [Reply]

    #70 – TrueFable – thanks… even I had to look away for a while, a long while, at that ongoing morphine-drug test of a strip that FBOFW had committed to. But I’m in for the long haul till September…

    With Archie, reading all those years as a kid….it’s just second nature, and I just decided to match the machines, the anagram generator ( ) to the Archie-joke generator… and read what comes out. Sort of fits doesn’t it.

  75. Pozzo
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:28 am [Reply]

    For the record, I think the target thing in the background is the back of a beach umbrella. Not that Mr. Lodge hasn’t toyed with the notion of Riverdalean-hunting, in the dark night of his school, over a half-empty bottle of Glenlivet.

  76. Sylphi
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:41 am [Reply]

    I think the difference between emphasis and italics depends on how your particular browser reads the code.

    Long story short, though: It doesn’t matter.

  77. Sylphi
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:42 am [Reply]

    Also, Mr. Lodge’s shirt has two sides, but no back.

    I guess rich people can’t afford entire shirts? That must be a Plugger thing.

  78. Lynngineering
    June 29th, 2007 at 6:04 am [Reply]

    #71 – apple girl – thanks! sometimes things just connect. That’s what makes the CC so enjoyable to follow.

  79. Red Greenback
    June 29th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    #74 Lynngineering-You inspired me to look up anagrams for “Archie Joke Generator” Holy Church of Winky Aligatators!…There’s like over 52,000 of ‘em! I only scratched the surface and found these:
    A Racketeer Heroin Jog
    A Careering Hooker Jet
    A Charioteer Gone Jerk

  80. Little A.
    June 29th, 2007 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I’ve noticed that April’s little half circle nose has begun to resemble Betty’s and Veronica’s little noses, maybe Lynn has been reading Archie comics recently or farming out the art work. Certainly the humor has been farmed out you should pardon the expression.

    Love is blind. April proves it, as if we need any more proof.

    Shannon is going to sing with 4-Evah and Eva during the telethon. It will be perfect, since the telethon is a 24-hour event, there will be lots of time for her to finish at least one song.

  81. smacky
    June 29th, 2007 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    Josh, you are so right about FC: I’m the baby of the family and only THREE pictures of me exist from before I entered kindergarten. All three were taken on the same day: I’m in the backyard crawling after a cat. And my mother cut them up and put them in a collage of family photos back when that was trendy, so now I can’t even make copies if I wanted. At least once I started school I had school pictures and random birthday parties.

    Of course once one of my sisters had a kid, my parents became paparazzi, documenting every waking moment of my nephew…

    Excuse me, I think I have a TDIET submission here!

  82. CrabbyGenes
    June 29th, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    #81, smacky. Good grief. That’s the saddest thing I ever heard! Out of curiosity, what number kid were you? Number 3? 4? 5? higher?

  83. TurtleBoy
    June 29th, 2007 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    MW: This dialogue is electrifying! Apparently, as a child Karen Moy learned English by watching ham-fisted Depression-era romances on AMC. Tomorrow’s installment:

    Dr. Drew Corey, M.D., Ph.D., Th.D., D.D.S., M.S.W., D.C.: What’s say we blow this joint, sweetheart?

    Miss Vera Shields: I thought you’d never ask! [aside: He's so swell!]

    Dr. Drew Corey, M.D., Ph.D., Th.D., D.D.S., M.S.W., D.C.: Well, 23 skidoo!

  84. smacky
    June 29th, 2007 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    #82: I’m just kid # 3. And I wasn’t an “accident” or anything (so they tell me), and since I was only three years later than # 2, I tend to believe that (not like I was born a decade later!).

    I wasn’t trying to sound like a member of Funky Cancertown. I don’t stay awake at night worrying about it, and I don’t have an urge to stand on the folks’ dining room table and say “Enough… is… enough!”

    Though I do wonder about one thing: Since they already have two grandkids, by the time I give them one, will the novelty have worn off (again)? Will they take no pictures of my offspring? Will the kid be like PJ, with only a set of paw prints to prove we didn’t steal him at age four?

    Grandparents, they’ll do it every (damn) time!

  85. TurtleBoy
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Somehow, this is quite possibly the saddest Pluggers installment I’ve ever seen. The poor working-schlub Bear-Plugger can’t even afford a real bowling bag for that sacred orb, the central player in his revered proletarian pastime; so down-on-his-luck is he that he can’t even afford to scour garage sales and flea markets to find his ball an ark in which it may rest. The soles of his 50-year-old bowling shoes long since worn to nothingness, he trudges painfully into his sport’s sanctum sanctorum, his ball hanging uselessly at his side in a doubled-up pair of sacks from Dollar General. Hail to thee, o Bear-Plugger! Our hats are off to thee!

  86. Dono
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    I don’t think that’s Betty Cooper–at least, it’s not her usual hairstyle. Archie has just knelt down to stare at a total stranger and her time-traveling daughter.

  87. GotFuzzy
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    I loves me my Lio, but can someone tell me what is going on in panel 3? It’s freaking me out a little.

    Smacky, I fell your pain. I’m the youngest of six and the only thing in my baby book is the newspaper clipping that announced my birth, along with those of all the other kids born the same day as me. My parents didn’t turn into shutterbugs with the grandkids, though. I don’t think they even owned a camera by the time they started coming along. I, on the other hand, relentlessly documented their lives.

  88. Lynngineering
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    #79 – Red – yes it gets addictive, then you take one or all of THOSE 3 entries together and put them back in, you know, to see what truth lies within etc… Luckily there is a limit to the amount that machine can work with.

  89. Jamus The Bartender
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    24. 9CL. I keep telling people Juliette is a domme, this just bears me out,she’s got pervy old guys bowing down to her in public. I bet they’re wearing some kind of restraining colostomy bags…

  90. Lynngineering
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    #79 – Red – Just nice pickings, Veronica’s “Yeah, real great” transforms to the more revealing “A Leathery Rage”

  91. Squawk
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    GT: Clambake: “Well, I guess I’ll go find another uglily-drawn high school baseball team to bore to death with my trumped-up stories of yesteryear.”

  92. Les
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Old news on the FOOB blog. Somebody wrote in to ask about inconsistencies in Liz’s age. Were they on purpose?

    Lynn Replies:

    Congratulations! You are the only one to solve the “intentionally puzzling date game”! Send us a mailing address and we’ll send you an envelope of real Northern Canadian AIR!!! This healthy and unique gift will undoubtedly be the talk of the town. All the best, Lynn.

    Whoah. If she can’t take a stupid question about Liz’s date of birth, she’s ignoring all of the anti-Shannon stuff for sure. And why shouldn’t she, really? As a semi-famous person, she gets criticism for everything she does. I mean, I wouldn’t mind the fame, but I’d ignore the scrutiny as much as I could. Apparently, she’s having some trouble keeping it from getting to her.

  93. Sylphi
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    87: The kid is probably supposed to have his head turned up really high so he can look directly up at the sky.

  94. Keg of Curd
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Today’s TDIET would be ever so much more convincing if Scaduto could draw someone that looks young…

    ‘course, when you’re standing at the north pole I reckon everyone looks like a southerner.

  95. GotFuzzy
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    That’s a possibility, but I still find it unsettling. Not more unsettling that your average (DT)GT, to be sure.

  96. Keg of Curd
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Certainly the humor has been farmed out you should pardon the expression.
    “Buried under cowshit” is not the same as “farmed out.”

  97. Joe
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Does anyone have a link to where I can find the daily Popeye strip. I just have to see what happens after the strip posted yesterday.

  98. Calico
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    Previous thread comment, Josh on Mary Worth –

    Dear God, man, you had to invoke Shirley Jackson, didn’t ya? Now my head will be full of horror, little pieces of paper (no, not the type from the summer of love), pelted rocks, and barky sticks all weekend long.

    Either that, or visions of Flannery O’Connor stories
    dancing around in my head. I’m not sure which is scarier.

  99. Perky Bird
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp–
    Wow, what’s with the random dismemberment? yesterday it was poor Clambake, and today it’s the poor unknown kid in the last panel. This strip has more disembodied heads than Salome’s trophy case!

  100. Kip W
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    #19 (Old Bean) Aw, that was heartwarming! If I had to offer just one suggestion, it would be for something analogous to the freaky (and very selective) blinking. I think that any characters drawn over a certain size should have froggy tongues that dart out every few seconds. Maybe with little Hannibal Lecter noises. Pth-pth-pth-pth!

    FC You’ll note that the baby book starts in the middle. This means that either all of the kids have to share one book, or that PJ isn’t the first to be the Fourth Keane. Maybe the earlier pictures show Swee’Pea, or Pete Best as an infant.

    RC Those Lodges must be rich and powerful both. Notice that Veronica has Rorschach’s head on her blanket. That little freak took a lot of killin’.

  101. Dean Booth
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:00 am [Reply]

  102. Blake
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: I am probably a terrible person for doing this, but I just posted a criticism of FBoFW on Lynn’s Coffee Talk page. Who goes out of there way to say something mean to someone they don’t even know? I guess I hate FOOB so much that I couldn’t help myself. I reused a couple sentences I have posted here at the CC before, and added a couple more:

    FBoFW used to be great, but those days are long gone. Lynn is trying so hard to say something important that she sacrifices humor and story-telling in the process. I’m sure she thinks FBoFW is awfully poignant and deep, but she misses the mark by being so contrived and obvious.

    I suggest a return to REALISTIC story-telling that just happens to have a message, as opposed to a heavy-handed message that abandons all sense of reality (and thereby undermines the message in the process).”

  103. John C Fremont
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    A3G – “… they say that Gabriella’s nose grew three sizes that day.”

    RMMD – Maybe Heather just needs to invest in some light bulbs.

    JP – “But that was a long time ago, Baby.”
    “Yeah. I dig that.”
    “By the way, I’m driving to Vegas.”

  104. bats :[
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Archie: Wow, I didn’t recognize Betty, with her messy hair and all. With the kid standing nearby, I just thought Archie had given up on courting his peers and was now going after MILFs…

  105. Dennis Jimenez
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    GT – I have sworn off (DT)GT, but will still read JF’s hilarious snark postings on this page. Anyway, I just wanted to note that in panel one above, Clambake looks like he modeled for the silhouette in the black and white POW/MIA flag. Just sayin’….

  106. alamo
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    aprilville — shameless hussy. throwing herself at gewald for free when she could be making some real coin with that lawn chair.

    fc — did they keep the condom that broke? that’s gotta be in there somewhere.

  107. ChefMike
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT: Perhaps it’s just me, but as I watch Clambake walking away off into the sunset, I’m hearing the last scene music from the Incredible Hulk TV series
    MW:I’d love to tell you about my work, but I’m trapped in an internal monologue, and besides you’ve already trumped my “clerk typist” and “Disowned Heiress” by introducing yourself as a Doctor. Nevertheless, I want to have your children.

  108. Motorposus
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Perhaps Westville General Hospital is very, very, very conservative about discharging its patients, but I think the real reason Sam Hill’s face has no trace of injury from her smashed-glass-and-mallard ordeal is that Jack Elrod doesn’t trust himself to remember the sizes and locations of her Band-Aids.

  109. LoFoFan
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    MW : What I like most about the first panel is the giant bottle of Extra-Strength Tylenol Vera is grabbing from the refreshment table.

    Also, why is she carrying her purse like that little old lady on “The Golden Girls”?

  110. Dr. Mad
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Thanks to Old Bean for the great re-work of Sh-ana-nonn’s “I Have A ‘PARP’” speech [and in advance, I am not snarking on Dr. King -wouldn't ever.]. About FC, I choose to believe the ‘photo’ of P.J.’s folks in the sack is a lame attempt by his mother to prove he is not actually the spawn of Satan -”See, here’s Mommy and Daddy um- procreating. Mommy wasn’t with Our Dark Lord, honest. P.J. does have paws and cloven hooves, but those just run in our family.” In reality though that’s why P.J. always wears footed-jammies and never gets bigger or older, and it’s also why FC Mommy never seems to have any facial expression around the house -she saves all her emotions up for orgies with Beelzebub.

  111. Spam & Cookies-mmm
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    I’ve been lurking here for weeks without piping up. Today’s Family Circus brings me out of my silence.

    A little background: my family has four kids, in the exact FC sequence, so we were big fans when we were young. My parents cut out numerous strips that reminded them of us.

    One of the strips that my mother has shows the kids lined up in the attic, where they’ve been looking through their parents’ trunks of stuff. Billy, Dolly, and Jeffy are all holding up books, and PJ has his hands behind his back, looking pitiful. Jeffy’s book has a blue bow tied around it. Billy says to his mother (basically) “My baby book has all the pages filled in. Dolly’s just has a bunch of pictures stuffed between the pages. Jeffy’s hasn’t been opened yet. And PJ doesn’t even have a baby book!”

    So if they’ve gone out and bought PJ a baby book sometime after 1975, how’d they get his paw prints into it?

  112. andreavis
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    #97 Joe: Here’s today’s Popeye. You can navigate backwards to the previous days if you need to; I’m not promising the story will make any sense if you do, I’m just pointing out the options.

  113. Wellsey
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy made me laugh hard today when I noticed that not only do they have the granite sign on top of the CIA HEADQUARTERS building but their cars, as seen in panel 2, are helpfully marked CIA on the sides. What, do they take fares on the side when they’re not on a caper? Yeah, the leery enemy agents will never see you guys coming!

    Other lesser points of interest today:
    JP – I feel sorry that the colorist lost all but his green crayons. That’s gotta suck. Apparently JP isn’t raking in enough money that he could go buy another box.
    Baby Blues – This one had me confused for a long time before I figured out that the kids were not in a store, but at home. I was about to berate the dad for leaving his kids to do the shopping on their own, instead it’s just a dumb strip.
    MW – Criswell predicts! By the end of this storyline, Vera and Dr. Cory Jr will be communicating solely through telepathy!

  114. Lars Andersen
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    “I pumped you full of misplaced confidence”. Isn’t that a roundabout way of saying “you suck”?

    Also, that is the worlds greatest name. Ken Burger.

  115. Dennis Jimenez
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    A3G – One would expect a more vigorous bobble from the great progenitor.

    FBoFW – Friends, “with benefits.” – Too subtle? How about fuck buddies?

    MT – I’m probably the umpteenth person to mention this, but this is crying out for Jackson Browne song parody.

    MW – I find myself wanting to tell you….to bugger off!

    Archie – Remember Hy as you have Ronnie working on your blow up valve – if she can see them, they can see you.

    JP – OK – the art really is good. (No snark – honest).

  116. Wellsey
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Pluggers. I begin to think Brookins doesn’t really know his target audience. To me, a bowling ball in its bag would be a Plugger’s most-prized possession. Or conversely, Pluggers rent the lane, shoes and ball.

    TDIET. That “young” doc looks about as old as his patient. He should have drawn the kid with the baseball hat. And “Wednesday is his video games day off”? What is that trying to say? His video games take the day off? He takes Wednesday off to play video games? There are better ways to say either.

    Both just poorly executed and not well thought out or developed. BOO! Also, from yesterday’s TDIET, and from everyone she appears in, Catastra really needs a name change. It comes across as Castrata every ti-i-i-me. Oh-h-h-h OUCH!

  117. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Archie: Today we see Veronica train her binocularson Betty and Archie, who aren’t frolicking as freely as she hoped. Meanwhile her father poses open-shirted like an odalizque. Either the AJGLU has become infected, or this edition was meant to run only in European papers.

    6C: It could be worse. Ask Isadora Duncan.

    DtM: No, kid. It’s where I keep the jack I need to give your Mom a lift when Dad’s out of town.

    MW: Look out, Vera’s about to tell Drew all about her job. He only thought he was bored before.

  118. Gojira
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Shucks. Archie: Was going to ask who’s the kid and why Archie is going after single mothers now, but bats :[ at #104 said it way better.

    “I” = “emphasis”, “B” = “strong” (don’t know how to get the brackets to show). They’re equivalent, the former are from earlier HTML standards, the latter from more recent standards designed to work across different browsers. The idea is to refer to the text style rather than a text format code.

    Re: Lynn Johnston, Brooke McEldowney: My theory is that as things go along, unless they compensate for it, comics creators sort of work in a bubble and lose perspective on the characters and storylines and how they are perceived. Also, since the strips are prepared in advance, can’t course-correct once it’s out there.

    That said, Jeez, the last month or so of FBoFW has misrepresented stroke recoveries, weddings, courtships, learning-disabled people, the special ed experience and high school students everywhere. She’s not in a bubble, she’s in a whole other world.

  119. rich
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Kudos to Lynn Johnston — it’s the first Silent Penultimate Blinking Panel. I’m also beginning to suspect that April doesn’t actually have a nose, and just uses her slutty makeup to draw in a crude approximation of one.

  120. Perky Bird
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    119 Rich-
    April isn’t just blinking there. She’s batting her eyelashes seductively at Gerald. (Either way, it’s scary and disturbing!)

  121. Josh
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    #18 unMichael — Ack, I have a problem with left and right no matter how freaked out I am. I fixed.


  122. cheech wizard
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Milton is alive! Heather knows it! And some day he will return, disguised as a mere photocopier repair man, string the bow only he can string, then slay all the pretenders on the board who have been courting her to sell out to a multinational corporation! Then he will take her home to bed as rosy-fingered dawn breaks in the east.

  123. Perky Bird
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    122 cheech–
    And only Milton’s faitful old dog will recognize him! And they will offer many charred thigh bones to the gods!

  124. BlueNight
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    I love how Family Circus can be taken two ways: unfunny or creepy. Now we’re introducing werewolves?

    BTW, I subscribed to News-Free Comics, and the guy said he hasn’t gotten enough subscriptions, so if he can’t scrape together the $$$, he’ll refund me. I don’t WANT my $10 back, I want comics! C’mon, people, this project has the potential to liberate the comics from populist editors.

  125. Harry Worth
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Well we see today that DR Drew is a horndog.

    Vera beautiful? What, in that Plain Jane, 1970′s pantsuit lesbian way? I think that DR Drew has been sampling a few too many prescriptions along the way.

    And just when is Vera going to listen to that voice in her head? Go ahead, pick up the gun…… take out all of the pool party revelers…..

  126. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Kronkina @ 38, 39 and True Fable @ 48: <I> and <B> are “hard” tags from the early days of HTML. They tell a browser to definitely italicize or embolden (heh) a section of text. Later revisions and expansions of HTML went for more “soft” commands that described the effect that was wanted with text, such as <em> and <strong>, but left it up to individual browsers to determine what that effect would look like on your screen. (It’s pretty much standardized that <em> means “italic” and <strong> means “bold,” but not always; on the Web browser on my cell phone, which has no italic fonts, both tags show as bold.) However, the <I> and <B> tags are so widely used that they never got phased out… probably because it’s easier for lazy code monkeys to type one letter instead of two or six.

  127. Jim Thorp(e)
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]


    I think that Clambak(e) is going to just fade away now.

    He tried his best, but it wasn’t good enough…..

    Besides which next week will have a couple panels of tennis with a bit of golf tossed in for good measure…

  128. Islamorada Girl
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    MW: I was going to say that like Queen Elizabeth, Vera only carries a purse so she can keep her gun at the handy, but someone beat me to it. Shoot ‘em up, Vera!

  129. --MC
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    #97 — Joe, you can also backtrack on a number of comics here:
    May I recommend the Popeye strip for 6/28? In which the current creator follows the old adage about if you bring a gun onstage in the first act, you have to fire it in the third act.

  130. TommieBlueEyes
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: Let this day go down in comics history…Margo uttered the phrase “This is about you”, actually acknowledging the existence of someone other than herself. It would be much more in character for her to say “This is about me!”

  131. The Great Ka-Floopa Gush
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    From the layout of the second panel in Archie, it is pretty obvious that it is BETTY who Veronica is ogling, not Archie.

  132. dozens
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Is anybody else bothered by the fact that PJ’s baby “paw prints” are about the size of roughly 5 year old Dolly’s hands?

  133. Archie Andrews
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    You know, I was always hoping for a Betty/Veronica hookup.

    Going back years…….

    I think that both of them have realized that Archie and his troupe are too busy oogling each other to give a girl the once over twice.

  134. ChristianPinko
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    JP – According to Trudi, Abbey saved her winery “a long time ago.” But that’s in Judge Parker time. In our world’s time, that must be . . . were dinosaurs still roaming free then? Had humans even discovered wine?

  135. Pelagius
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Old Bean: Bravo! Thank you for helping exorcise the rage that has been building up in me during National Canadian Patronize the Retarded Week at Foob Central. Now, back to some roadside action…

  136. PeteMoss
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Ed Power, Writer of My Cage!

    I just saw your post on the last thread and I’ve added My Cage to my favorites. Ameobas rock!

    Still, I’m not certain your ameoba captures the spirit of middle ‘merican, hard workin’, blue collarin’, dirt poor trailer dwellers. But that’s ok. It’s diversity.

  137. Paperback Rifler
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    115. To be honest, Dennis, I don’t see the following so much as an answer to a song parody request; it’s more of an intense effort to avoid doing any actual work. Anyway, apologies to Jackson Browne and to everybody everywhere:

    Doctor, my eyes had seen the birds,
    All around; in other words, they were flying;
    And one hit me in the face.

    I had worked so valiantly
    So to be sure we’d be bird-free; were they hiding
    Just to cause me such disgrace?

    Doctor, my eyes
    Got hit by a duck;
    Was I unwise,
    Or just set up to be birdstruck?

    ‘Cause we were flying in my plane;
    He was a stiff, but I was game for some flirting;
    I was thrusting out my chest.

    Birds suddenly were all around,
    My little plane they did surround, and averting
    From them spoiled my little tryst.

    Doctor, my eyes —
    Tell me what you see;
    Do you deny
    Those damn ducks just cockblocked me?

  138. bats :[
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    129. MC: thanks for the link to the seattlepi comics page; however, the funniest thing on the page today is the series of photos from a Paris fashion show (check out the upper right hand corner).
    Vera’s lesbian stylin’s pale by comparison…

  139. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Squawk @ 91: The first time I read your comment, I thought it read, “…to bone to death…”. Which would also be apropos.

  140. Dingo
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Please. Can the writer of Mary Worth get this over with and just find a convenient shrub for Dr. Cory Lite to shag Vera Shields behind? Or should I say Vera Shield’s behind? She looks like a backalley girl. Just hope for his sake she didn’t eat a lot of the yams.

    Pump her full of confidence, Drew!

    (this will entirely change my next viewing of The Sound of Music when Maria swings her suitcases as she walks down the lane singing of “Confidence.”)

  141. AhClem
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Pet Peeve time: Why do comics, movies, TV shows and the like always use a figure-8 shape when depicting a view through binoculars? Unless Veronica has a nasty case of strabismus, the view should be a single circle.

    Thank you. I’ll go now.

    [peeve mode OFF]

  142. Motorposus
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    #12 Godwithfire – I was thinking exactly that!

    But with such shapely gams, why, oh why, does Rose wear Hammer Pants filled with Styrofoam â„¢?

  143. Dingo
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    In today’s Archie, what is the significance of the used prophylactic Betty is keeping as a souvenir between her radio and bottle of India ink? And what parent dresses their moppet in socks and sandals for a day at the beach?

    Oh, also, if you following up from Betty’s thigh, the only thing that obese man could be doing with his bathing suit in that position is either taking a crap right there on the beach or getting a rectal exam from his bored, kinky wife. I’m going with the crap.

  144. cheech wizard
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    123 – Perky Bird: And the story of it will be told, only in Mary Worth, so the telling of it will drone on and on…

  145. Spam & Cookies-mmm
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Dozens, #132,

    The big prints go along with my theory (#111) that the parents bought PJ’s baby book only after Billy guilted them into it.

  146. Tats
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    FOOB: And with that, April proved that there are no consequences for fucking with the Pattersons. Beyond, of course, listening to Shannon give a drawn-out, treacly speech. …No one ever fucked with the Pattersons again.

    A3-G: I find it delightfully cold that Margo refers to Gabriella by her first name. To Margo, Gabriella isn’t her mother, just some woman she came out of.

    MW: I love how the entire concept of flirting is so foreign to Santa Royale that the very impulses associated with it seem to astound Vera and Dr. Cory. Also, “what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” Welcome to Charterstone: forever 1953.

  147. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 29th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Paperback Rifler @ 137: We get a lot of song parodies here, but that was just spectacular. Your dedication to maintaining meter and reproducing the complex internal rhymes is just incredible. You deserve the standing ovation Shann…on got. I bow to you.

  148. --MC
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    #133 .. this turned up on a Comics Journal Message Board thread a while back. I guess Dan Decarlo was making his mortgage payments at conventions with these sorts of sketches for a while, hearkening back to his roots as a girlie cartoonist. NSFW.

  149. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    –MC @ 148: Wow. Veronica’s quite… hirsute.

    And what’s H.E.R.B.I.E. the Robot doing spying on them from high on the wall?

  150. commodorejohn
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    A3G – Oh, Margo, Margo, Margo!

    Crankshaft – As a money-challenged college student still living with his parents, I’m more than a little ticked off at this. He’s paying rent, for God’s sake; it’s not like he’s a freeloader. And if it’s really so awful, you have the option to say no. But hey, if Lynn can have her matriarch be a total martyr, I suppose Batiuk can have his patriarch be one too.

    DT – The heck with unmarked vehicles, the CIA is so bad they want everyone to know who they are. You’ve been hit by a smooth lawman.

    FOOB – Well at least Johnston is letting April be more mature than her family again. (Liz still hasn’t forgiven Warren for daring to have a job, you know.)

    FW – Yes, because radiation is always bad. It doesn’t have any legitimate, beneficial uses. I mean, it’s not like it cooks our food, lights our homes, or heats our entire planet. What is this, Godzilla?

    JP – Yeah, that was a long time ago. Like…I think it was somewhere around twelve years ago.

    MF – I normally mock Mallard, but he’s really making a pretty accurate assessment today.

    MT – They’re going to learn where birds come from. ‘Nuff said.

    MW – This would be a lot more intriguing if we didn’t already know what Vera did. We could imagine she was an international jewel thief wanting to find a partner in crime or something.

    RMMD – Why is the third panel so sinister?

  151. PeteMoss
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Clap. Clap

    You know, I’ve learned something today.

  152. Wellsey
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    #84 Smacky I feel your pain. I too am the last of 3, only I did come 10 years later and I still remember the photo montage at the 25 year wedding anniversary with 5 minutes each devoted to the first two kids and six pictures of me. And if you wait quite a long while to have a grandkid for them, it almost comes off as a new for the first time grandkid, but not quite. The oldest grandkid graduated this spring and mine starts kindegarten this fall. On the downside, now their too old to really have fun with him. On the bright side, I got more stuff than the others did. Okay, this is getting depressing, I’ll stop now. Except, DAMN YOU, FC! LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO US!!!

  153. The Divine O’F
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    I’m back! Caffeined up and ready to go. But first, credit where credit is due on yesterthread:

    Yesterthread Secret Margo and Spider brick: Really, really excellent disquisitions on the Noble ‘Tard. Thank you.

    Yesterthread True Fable: I love that you left those comments on the Foob Site. Well said! I wish I had the guts to visit the site and see what everyone is talking about, but I need to save my strength for snarking.

    Yesterthread Bunne: I really like what you had to say about the civility of this discussion forum. I am in a professional organization whose online forum has degenerated to really nasty name-calling and grade-school level taunts. As a result, many members have resigned from the organization and most of us no longer bother with the forum, which was supposed to be useful for exchanging professional information. There is something very wonderful about the self-correcting powers of the group here.

  154. Dicky
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Curtis: While I didn’t think that it was going like FOOB (though I can see it now), the scenario in my head is that when they’re older, Chutney will console a drunken Curtis after an apparently messy, but probably salvageable break-up with whichever girl he’s with at the time, slip him a date-rape drug, have her way with him and force him into marriage after she gets pregnant… Wow, I just totally ripped that off from Days of Our Lives 10 years ago or so, didn’t I (Sammi and Austin), though I don’t remember the drunken part or the break-up part from that.

    140, Dingo: I too shall never watch the Sound of Music in the same way now that you’ve stated that.

  155. lesles
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    #100 Kip W – nice call on rorschach. gives me a whole new respect for the archieverse if anyone from there could take him out.

  156. The Divine O’F
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    19 Old Bean: Thank you! Keep it up!

    137 Paperback Rifler: Ah, nice. Jackson Browne and ducks.

  157. Katherine
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Well, One Big Happy today sure makes it clear where Ruthie’s psychosis comes from……

  158. nsr
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    FC- the weird thing is that PJ’s feet are actually smaller now than when he was born.

  159. Allie Cat
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – John, Elly – hurry up on building April’s basement nookie shack. She’s got a job to do…a hand job!

  160. Justafoob
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    I am disgusted that you think that Apewill is going to give a hand job…



    she is going to give a blow job …..

    …. and more…..

  161. queek
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    148: yowzers! very nice. :-)

    Comics conventions are well known for that sort of thing. Little Mermaid nudes, etc.

    I’ve obviously been hanging around rowdy image boards too much. First thing that I looked for in today’s Phantom was trigger discipline. *sigh*

    Zits. flammage. nice. poor Walt.

    other than that, I got nothin’.

  162. The Divine O’F
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    And now for a mild amount of snarking of my own:

    BS (That would be” Brenda Starr): Am I the only one who reads this strip? It has had its moments in the past, but the last several months have served to redefine and sharpen the meaning of the phrase “batshit insane.” I honestly have NO idea what is going on, despite reading it regularly. Brenda has become editor of a newspaper on the Left Coast, and is involved with an actor or something who wants to be President, and someone just left a rattlesnake in her car. If that doesn’t whet your snarking appetites, I don’t know what will.

    FOOB: Quite apart from the despicable story line, WTF is with April’s lips? It’s as if the jelly doughnut smashed against her face has begun spreading. It looks as if it is about to overtake her nose.

    MW: AARGH! I can’t stand it! I don’t know which is worse–the dialogue or the thought balloons. I desperately want the story to change focus to someone–anyone more interesting than Vera. What about the the guy behind the flirters who is carrying a plate of decomposed oysters? He’s homely, but I’ll bet his story is scintillating compared to the one we’re still being subjected to.

  163. PeteMoss
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    (Everything’s)Archie – That second panel: Betty. In a bikini. On a blanket. Perfect, right? But then the whole effect is spoiled by all the other elements: The used condom; the giant snail in the background; the fat man; the kid from “Children of the Damned.” Also, what’s going on with Betty’s right hand? Boxcars, what have they done to my sweet Betty’s right hand!! Damn you…you child of the Damned!

  164. Rocky Jones
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Hey BlueNight, were you aware of the Dysfunctional Family Circus when it was around? Folks submitted alternative captions for Family Circus circles, mostly based on the theory that the comic is much more interesting if you imagine all sorts of kinky sex and blasphemous stuff is going on, slightly off-panel.

  165. wasoe
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    In other news, The Family Circus reached a new low today when it revealed that one of its characters was a lycanthrope.

  166. Justafoob
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Imagine if LJ was doing the Lawrence story today

    “We’re here we’re queer!!!!!”

    “Look at us, accept us. You have to. We have AIDS but we are human too.”

    Man, somewhere along the line, someone got lazy in the writing department.

  167. Kate
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    #146, Tats: “To Margo, Gabriella isn’t her mother, just some woman she came out of.”

    I bow before you.

  168. Reid Kerr
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    I love the class warfare between Veronica and Betty. The Lodge private beach has a new radio, comfy chairs, and a nice purse to carry her sunscreen and accessories. Betty has no furniture, a radio that looks like my Grandmother’s AM radio for weather emergencies, and a bottle of sunscreen that looks like it comes with a brush applicator. Her relaxing day at the beach is beset by a crooked-mouth little panhandler, and fat shirtless guys everywhere.

    Ronnie’s beach is even smooth. Betty’s beach appears to have broken plates buried in the sand.

    I’m surprised with all of her money, Veronica doesn’t just go get a monster set of fake ta-ta’s, and end the comparison between the two.

  169. JEdens
    June 29th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    164: Dysfunctional Family Circus is, alas, no longer with us, but The Nietzsche Family Circus can be found at

  170. PeteMoss
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    169 JEdens

    I’m fairly sure Billy is serious: He doesn’t want “believers.”

  171. Tabby Lavalamp
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Now I’m curious about the missing third panel from the Archie strip. Based on the smirk on the little girl’s face as she’s completely aware of Veronica’s spying and is staring right back at her, I can only assume the artist wanted to spare us the carnage of the goons who are standing just off panel behind the Lodges slaughtering the poor billionaires.

    But even that’s not as disturbing as the inhuman experiments being conducted on the Family Circus kids. Since when has Dolly been three to four times larger than Jeffy? Either they’re pumping her full of human growth hormone or they’ve found some way to shrink him, and it won’t be long before he is pocket-sized enough to match the adult Jeffy’s sad self-image.

  172. Laura c
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    I think today’s Archie was probably drawn as an homage to SF’s Bob Weber, Jr. It has all the trademarks: the manically grinning child, the half-hidden objects in the sand, the background subplot (man gets balloon, man loses balloon). All it lacks is a snake and a pair of disembodied goo-goo-googly eyes.

  173. PeteMoss
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    172 Laura,
    a fish skeleton would be a nice touch, too.

    And a bikini-clad cat.

  174. smacky
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    #152: Wellsey, Wow, we might need to start a support group like the one currently featured in Doonesbury. Not that I’m comparing being the youngest child to the trauma of being a soldier returned from battle!

    I mean, sure, not a lot of photos of me, but I’ll admit, I was one spoiled monkey. My parents were more lax with me, let me do things my siblings weren’t allowed to at that age, and generally gave me whatever I wanted. Yet somehow, I avoided the pitfalls Paris Hilton could not. There’s an argument for nature over nurture, or vice versa, I’m not sure which.

  175. Mountain Mama
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Smacky, I am the oldest of three daughters, and I’ll admit that my youngest sister’s baby book doesn’t have very much in it compared to mind, but what you said struck a nerve.

    You guys may have nearly empty baby books, but you got away with murder! There were trips I didn’t get to go on in kindergarten and elementary school, but my sisters did! I had to wait to get my ears pierced, but my mom went ahead and let my sisters get theirs done, so “she could do it all at once.”

    Bitter? Hell, yeah! And who got stuck babysitting?!That’s right! And who got their stuff messed up because Mom always said, “Now share with your sisters”?

    Who’s with me? Anyone? I can’t be the only one!

  176. Little A.
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    A GENERAL QUESTION. I have been reading and sometimes contributing to this blog for several weeks now.

    My question is, if a strip is not or hardly every mentioned (for instance, Agnes, which happens to be one of my favorite strips even though it was dropped by the Daily News a couple of years ago) does this mean that the strip is so good that it never gets snarked at (like Doonesbury) or that so few people read it that it simply doesn’t get mentioned for that reason? I mean, for instance, there’s a fairly recent strip carried in New York, Girls and Sports which is frequently putrid but I haven’t seen one single snarky post about it since I’ve been looking at this blog. Of course, the Daily News may be the only paper that carries it, or it may be drawn by the Daily News’ editors grandson.

    Any thoughts out there about this?

    As I’ve said before, sorry about my sentence structure and syntax.

    Maybe I’ve answered my own question, but I would like to know what other people think.

  177. SecretMargo
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    A3G: We all knew Margo wasn’t going to let Ralph Nader in a bad wig Gabriella get away with saving that empty-headed Cereal-brand-cereal-serial-stealer. Have fun sabotaging Al Gore running your psychic 1-900 hotline, chica!

    But remember Margo, when God opens a window and lets out the poison gas, He leaves you with other vents to shut!

    New formula for happiness:

    (1 pillow + limp Lu Ann) x Tommie’s obliviousness = 1 big 3G – (2 roommates x (death+criminal negligence charges))

  178. T. Chicana
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Preach it Mountain Mama! In my case, though, being the oldest child let me get away with more murder because my parents didn’t suspect any of the tricks that were up my sleeve. I convinced my overworked mom that Zima was a sports drink.

  179. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    #122 Cheech Wizard – that’s gotta be the best parody using the Odyssey I’ve ever read. Just don’t let Abbey the Wonderdog be the first to recognize him or she’ll keel over.

  180. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    #126 Spectacular: I forgot to mention that my questions were rhetorical.

    (just kidding – thanks for the info)

  181. Mountain Mama
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Today’s MW: Apparently, Mary is exerting her powers over Vera, even from a distance. I believe her medium is the food or whatever she managed to spike Vera’s drink with.

    As an aside, the color of the food in today’s strip, as coined by my beloved grandfather, is “shitmuckle dun.”

  182. UncleJeff
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    #169 — Whenever someone links to “Nietszche Family Circus”…I just have to see what pops up.
    Today: Little Billy, slingshot in hand, striding
    confidently through the door: “God is dead.”

    PS: the song parodies of the last few days have
    been howlingly funny. I’ve scared my dog.

  183. PeteMoss
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    You think that’s bad? I’m the youngest of three and I was a “whoops, surprise” addition to the family, like April Patterson, (my Avatar). My parents used to make me live in the basement in a little, wooden shack with an electric fence around it. And instead of TV, I had to watch the toaster. And when Mom was mad, she’d forget my name and rattle off every name she could think of, including both the dog’s and the cat’s before she’d get to mine, which she’d mispronounce. And I had to walk to school with corrective shoes even though there was nothing wrong with my feet. And, and when i got home, Dad would tie me to a tree in the backyard, in the rain, until I could recite the alphabet backwards. And, and they’d only take pictures of me when they needed to finish of a roll of film. And and instead of taking me to the mall to see Santa, they’d take me next door to see the weird, old, Romanian lady who’d tell me how I was gonna die…And and and I’m almost over it.

  184. smacky
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    #175: Mountain Mama, I called myself a spoiled monkey. I know I got away with more than my older sibs. By the time my teen years began, my folks figured out what was what, what was worth punishing, and what was just better off ignored. It’s how I came home with red eyes and blamed it on the chlorine in my friend’s pool!

    And Little A., there are comics (Get Fuzzy, Monty, Sally Forth) that I genuinely like, not just appreciate in an ironic way (as that Washington Post guy said we did with Mary Worth, calling us “hipsters.”) They don’t get mentioned much here because it’s not very curmudgeonly, but if I didn’t like at least a few of the comics, I wouldn’t read any of them.

  185. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Everyone get to ready to cringe:

    I am the youngest of 5, born in 1966, definitely a whoops. My mother actually told me that if abortion had been legal in 1965 (when she got pregnant) that I would not be alive. And then my siblings did a Slow Clap and we all hugged.

    Ah, memories. Thanks, FC.

  186. Uncle Lumpy
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    #176 Little A –

    if a strip is not or hardly every mentioned . . . does this mean that the strip is so good that it never gets snarked at . . . or that so few people read it that it simply doesn’t get mentioned for that reason?

    The only sure rule is The Whim of Josh. However, exigeses abound; herewith mine:

    Good comics don’t get snarked, especially if they’re sweet-natured: Doonesbury, Get Fuzzy, Sherman’s Lagoon, Peanuts (emeritus). I suspect this is where Agnes fits.

    Generally, irrelevant, clapped-out, below-the-radar comics don’t get snarked: Quigman’s, Redeye, Momma, many others. An exception is made for those that pass through the rabbit hole into batshit insanity: Gil Thorp, One Big Happy, Croc, B.C. (emeritus).

    But when in doubt, attribute a comic’s appearance here to the Whim of Josh, as revealed by its appearance here. Circular, but no less true for that!

  187. Mountain Mama
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    T. Chicana, thank you! Hallejuah!

    I wish I could say I was that sneaky, but I really wasn’t. I was a good girl. Besides, we lived out in the middle of nowhere, so I had nowhere to go to buy contraband or sneak off with friends. The few things I did do….I always got busted.

    My younger sisters did get away with a lot and I could go into A LOT more detail about it, but this is CC, not therapy.

    Another aside/question: when I try to use the bold tags, my text disappears! What am I doing wrong? Thanks in advance.

  188. Poppinjay
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    There IS a private school in Riverdale – PEMBROOKE. That’s where Cheryl and Jason Blossom go.

    I don’t think it’s ever been explained why Veronica didn’t go there, but every now then it’s an issue for her to out-snob the Blossoms.

    I believe eventually Archie dropped both Betty and Veronica to make Cheryl his official girlfriend, which tells you all you need to know about him. Middle class Betty – occasional dates, platonic. Upper class Veronica – steady girl, probably likes her milkshake. Private school super snob Cheryl – his one true heartthrob.

    Archie is a man whore.

  189. PeteMoss
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    176 Little A.

    It’s not so much that those strips don’t deserve some snarkin’ attention now and then. It’s just that there are certain strips that are either so egregiosly asinine or unintentionally funny, that it’s hard to notice anything else. At least that’s my theory. But, then again, Im the youngest child and starved for attention.

  190. The Divine O’F
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    175 Mountain Mama–I hear you! My little brother got his driver’s license before I got mine, despite the fact that I was three and a half years older! And he got away with a ton of stuff I never even thought of doing. And I think he and my sister had more baby pix than I did. Of course, they were cuter. And now, unfortunately, they’re both dead, so I can’t even call them on it.

  191. PeteMoss
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    egregiously asinine?

  192. lesles
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    #183 PeteMoss – you lucky, lucky bastard! what i wouldn’t have given for a toaster to watch. when i were a lad …

  193. T. Chicana
    June 29th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Yes, Archie is such a slut. I never understood why they want that criss-cross haired boy anyway! It seems like he will just go wherever his whims take him. Betty has packed him a picnic? Well, then, off he goes with Betty. They always make it seem like since Betty is poor, she’s sweeter and more down with the people, i.e. the little haunted doll she’s befriended near her beach blanket.

  194. Mountain Mama
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    185: Kronkina, wow, that’s…..amazing. Based on my own experience, I would say you and your mom have a fantastic, open relationship, and she was more than likely kidding, or you guys have a horrible, mind-bending, guilt-ridden dance of mutual admiration and loathing.

    I really, sincerely hope it’s the former. Unfortunately, I’m well acquainted with the latter, but the closest my mom has come to your situation is saying I was her “little experiment.”

    Just my $.02, of course.

  195. lesles
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Archie: i’ve been watching that entiticular thing in the corner of panel two for quite a while now, and i’m convinced it’s not actually a child, but, rather, it’s a beach gnome. possibly stolen, possibly being taken on one of those fake gnome holidays, and bearing absolutely no relationship to any of the drama unfolding.

    or it’s a fake child that archie drags around with him to make him seem less threatening when he tries to hit on people.

  196. Mountain Mama
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Madam O’F: I was the “smart one,” myself. My youngest sister was the “cute one.” My middle sister was the “tall one.” She suddenly shot up to 5’10″, seemingly overnight. There are mostly group pictures of us, I think.

    We did and sometimes still do drive each other crazy. Two of us get together and we’re snarking on the other one. For being raised in the same house together, my sisters have totally different outlooks on parenting, and each thinks the other is totally misguided.

    However, I love them and wouldn’t trade them for anything. I may still be bitter, but they’re my sisters and the mothers of my adorable niece and nephews and that’s how it is in families, I guess. (Most of my bitterness is reserved toward my parents, anyway. :-D )

    I guess I said all that just to offer my condolences on the losses of your siblings.

  197. Howard Erk
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Get Fussy is beyond the point of where snarkiness is warrented.

  198. kevin
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I haven’t read all the comments so someone else may have already pointed this out to Dr Shrinker: That cannot be Betty. Betty wears a ponytail. Period. In Archie’s universe, it is a rule that is never broken. Though as a kid, I believe I saw her in pig tails once. Then of course there was the episode in the seventies where she wore a black wig and Archie thought she was Veronica. Even up close and kissing her, he couldn’t tell the difference. But I think when she got found out, she was even wearing the ponytail under the wig.

  199. Motorposus
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    #162 O’F – I’m astounded that Brenda Starr still exists. In fact, I recently had a fight with my mother about this. She claimed that a couple of years ago when the Atlanta Journal-Constitution asked readers to vote on some comic strips, I gave my vote to Mary Worth, thereby contributing to Brenda getting dumped. She was being all baleful and ‘how could you’ about it because she’s been a devoted Brenda reader since the 1940s, and would still be if not for me. I couldn’t remember any of that voting stuff, and insisted that Brenda Starr just isn’t being produced any more. My bad.

    On the plus side, my mother could get her Brenda Starr online. The downside is that I would have to explain to her yet again that you have to move the mouse around on the table, not up in the air, to get the little arrow to move.

  200. Spotted HØrse
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Oh, yay! April forgives Gerald, which means that the moment the ‘rents go out, we can look forward to another extended session of inert spooning.

  201. Uncle Lumpy
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    #199 Motorposus –

    I would have to explain to her yet again that you have to move the mouse around on the table, not up in the air

    Get your Mom a gyroscopic mouse!

    That’s how Uncle Lumpy rolls, and it’s all good!

    P.S. I realize that your Mom’s computer-unfriendliness is probably a proxy for some other, deep-seated familial resentment or some such nonsense. But there’s good mileage to be made from pretending it’s not!

  202. SecretMargo
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    BC: The joke is that the Fat Broad overcooks organ meats? Isn’t that kind of specific? What? Oh, the joke’s that the Freemasons are writing the strip now, and if they want to extoll the virtues of eating hearts while they’re still raw and beating, that’s just what they’re gonna do and everyone can just shut up about it if they know what’s good for them? All right then. Carry on.

    H&J: Eula’s gumbo apparently tastes like paint and canvas.

    DtM: Dennis is about to find out where Mr. Wilson keeps the bodies before dumping them into the river.

    DT: Man, I remember when I went to Cheeks In the Air for the first time too. What a club! I was pretty excited, but I remembered to keep it “smooth and cool,” just like this guy. Sure, the “woman” I ended up with turned out to be a game-player, the “crying kind” if you know what I’m sayin’, but still — a Gretchen’s a Gretchen, am I right? Colonel Sanders there knows what I’m talkin’ about.

    Dinette Set: This is the most indirect abortion joke I’ve ever seen.

  203. Trotzenbonnie
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    The Divine O’F – I still read Brenda Starr. Dale Messick, THE Grand Dame of female comic strip artists (that’s an F.U. to you, Lynn Johnston), complained about the direction the strip took after she retired. It is definitely batshit insanity today but I just can’t give it up. Maybe because it’s the only strip that has a guy who works in the nude.

    Re: Baby albums – I am the second born in a family of six children and I was the only girl until I was 13 years old. Pictures of my brothers were plastered all over the walls of our house but there were none of me except in photo albums my mother kept hidden in an obscure bottom bureau drawer. It never occured to my mother that it pissed me off until, to explain the lack of visible photographic evidence of my early existence, I started to tell people that I must have washed up on the doorstep in the Great Flood of 1957.

    Sometimes I think that China’s one kid per family policy is not such a bad idea.

    And, Josh, I don’t know my right from my left either. Any passengers in my car have to say “My side” or “Your side” when giving me turning directions. When I was a kid I read in a book that it’s supposed to be a sign of superior intellect.

  204. Archie Andrews
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Kevin, #198, Archie pulled out the ponytail in a wild fit of orgasmic oral sex. It was supposed to be the middle panel, but something had to give.

  205. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    A Bombeck-esque piece on the birth order of children. I’m not sure who the original author is.

    I’m the oldest of two brothers, just like Harrison Ford. I’ve always gotten along well with oldest children and only children. Actually, I think every woman I’ve ever dated has been an only child or an oldest child. We’re the serious ones, and our parents always took everything seriously with us. I always felt like younger siblings got away with too much. They could run around doing whatever they wanted, because the parents were too tired by that point to care. And younger kids got to coast a lot more on being “cute”.

    Hmm, this is starting to sound a little more bitter than I intended. Actually, I get along wonderfully with my brother. Anyway, to bring the discussion back to the comics: which comic strip characters are like me, the oldest of two brothers? There’s Curtis, and then there’s also Chad, the almost-never-seen older brother in Zits. I guess Curtis isn’t quite as “serious” as the oldest sibling stereotype.

  206. Motorposus
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Unc’ Lumpy – Neat-o! I want one for myself. (To, um, thoroughly check for sound ergonomic design and user safety before I purchase one for my beloved mater.)

  207. Mushuweasel
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    I’m a bit frightened that PJ’s footprint is apparently bigger than Jeffy’s face. I guess we know who wears the… diaper… in this family.

  208. Paperback Rifler
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    147. Gawrsh, Brick! That’s high praise coming from one of our more consistently high-quality snarkers! I’m blushin’ here!

    What I’m also doing is still strenuously attempting to do no actual work. So, with apologies to the Bee Gees and to everybody everywhere (and with a special apology to anyone who can make a better rhyme for “Buzzard”):

    Well, you can tell by the way I throw my fist,
    I’m a manly man, no pacifist.
    With beavers large and forests green,
    I will bring to light your shady schemes.

    And now it’s all right, it’s okay;
    A well-aimed punch will make you pay.
    What you do not understand,
    An eyehook will unmask your plan…

    If you are a “Buzzard”
    You’ll run home to your mother,
    I’m punching your eye, punching your eye.
    Hillbillies quaking,
    Your jaws I will be breaking;
    I’m punching your eye, punching your eye.
    Ah, ha, ha, ha — punching your eye, punching your eye.
    Ah, ha, ha, ha —
    Punching your eye…ah…ah…ah…(and your jaw!)

    Well now, you can orchestrate bird strikes;
    You can make my buxom sidekick blind.
    But ubiquiducks will guide my shoes;
    I will hunt you down, and your chin I’ll bruise.

    But now it’s all right; I’m the man
    To ruin all your evil plans.
    I know there’s no mystery;
    A mustached man’s my enemy…

    If you are a bastard,
    I’ll hit you that much faster,
    I’m punching your eye, punching your eye.
    All your evildoin’
    Will end in total ruin,
    I’m punching your eye, punching your eye.
    Ah, ha, ha, ha — punching your eye, punching your eye.
    Ah, ha, ha, ha —
    Punching your eye…ah…ah…ah…(and your jaw!)

    …You’re in a coma
    With hematomas;
    With hematomas, yeah…

  209. Echo
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    I’m an only child and first grandchild. I got lots of toys, and lots of attention. I mean LOTS of attention. People panicked if I was five minutes late. Trust me, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

    Young Dr. Drew really is a sex addict, isn’t he? He’ll go after anything, including a woman with no chin.

  210. Perky Bird
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    #209 Echo–
    If Dr. Drew fancies ladies with no chins, he should scoot on over to 9 Chickweed Lane. He’ll have his pick there.

  211. Professor Fate
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Feh. Did I miss it earlier but did April just get her lips back?

    FW: Nothing brings out the yucks like radiation therapy.

    Is it me or is there really a misognist undercurrent in the current Lisa dies of cancer storyline? He’s turned a sucessful woman a lawyer – who probbably made more than her husband – into a sad sack ball of bald weakness, who is worrying about her child and who is sickening greatful for her husband simply existing. I could be wrong but it just feels nasty.

  212. MonkeyHawk
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    FC — Considering PJ’s all grown up now, I suspect this is Jeffy’s attempt to improve his little brother’s social life.

    You know what they say:

    “Big feet…
    Big footprints.”

  213. Anonymous
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Apologies if someone has already noted this (so many
    posties!) but is there not a striking resemblance of
    Clambake to those big-headed alien telepaths from that one
    Star Trek episode? You know, the one where Spock(e) hijacked
    the Enterprise so that the crippled Captain Pike could live
    out his days with the big heads in hallucinatory bliss?

    Perhaps what we witness each day in (DT)GT is, alas, the
    waking life of Captain Pike.

    What I can’t figger, though, is this: in the episode, when
    you were good, you got the tranya and the Susan Oliver
    hallucinations and when were bad, you got the
    hanging-in-chains and the wookie-with-PMS hallucinations.

    Which begs the question: What kind of sin could one man
    commit in a single lifetime for the big heads to be running
    the Gil Thorp(e) hallucination? Myself, I’m
    picturing Captain Pike at this very moment punching one of
    the big heads in the groin, over and over and over…

    After which, the light on the front of his hoverwheelchair
    beeps out: K-I-L-L-M-E.

  214. Trotzenbonnie
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    #199 – Motorposus
    Does your mom wave the joystick around when she plays video games, too? Mine does. It’s a hoot watching her almost fall off her stool because of all the body english she puts into her moves.

    #209 – Echo
    Son, is that you?
    My kid is an only and a first, too. Every time he walks into a room he thinks he should be greeted like he’s Jesus on Palm Sunday.
    My brothers taught him how to shoot craps and play blackjack when he was only 12 months old so it wasn’t all bad.

  215. Brown-eyed Girl
    June 29th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    208 Paperback Rifler. Love that falsetto effect you’ve got going there. Your boss might disagree, but I think you are far too valuable to waste on actual work. I sort of want to shout “You are music, and you write the songs!”, but I’m ashamed it might reveal my sordid past as a Barry Manilow fan.

  216. Rebochan
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: This scene is touching and all until you realize Gerald paid Shannon to guilt-trip April back into his arms. After the initial effort failed, he sent in some shills to further the shamefest.

  217. Spotted HØrse
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    …and Gerald is such a great guy that he’s taking, what, $100C for this charity gig? Snort…

  218. Islamorada Girl
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Brenda Starr is a goddess. Years ago, some cult like Esalon (sp) or scientology or someone went around putting rattlesnakes in the mailboxes of those who dared to question their weird beliefs. I believe the current storyline harks back to that uniquely SoCal incident. SoCal is totally nuts —-I mean this is what spawned Paris Hilton— so all this makes sense in that context.

  219. Ham Gravy
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Also down on himself: Ham Gravy. If only! If I could do that, why I’d never leave the house! Thanks, try the veal!

  220. Tim T.
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    apropos of nothing:
    Does anybody other than me think than Peter Parker frequently looks more than a little like Ted Bundy?

  221. Cerulean Pointing Hand of Doom!
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Jack @#45: From beyond the grave, my beloved old yellow lab responds with the saddest puppy-dog eyes you’ve ever seen.

  222. Uncle Lumpy
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    #221 Cerulean –

    Decorating tip: We all grow attached to our labs, but when they start turning yellow, it’s time to repaint. Most likely it’s the sulphur fumes, so choose a bold maroon or brown accent color that will work with your environment.

    You’re welcome!

  223. Echo
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    #214 Trotzenbonnie: No, unless I’ve been given a sex change and haven’t noticed. And when I walk into a room I’m scared of everyone pouncing on me, because it’s happened so much. “So, Echo, got a boyfriend/job/car/career plan? How are your grades/social life/dinner plans/plan for every second of your life? Why haven’t you called/written/visited more? We have XYZ we need you to do, and don’t be imperfect about it! You’re all we have!”

    Then I eat a pound of chocolate.

  224. Spotted HØrse
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    I yelled “Fire!” when I fell into the chocolate.

  225. Spotted HØrse
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    #224 = pointlessly cryptic and arcane end of thread post for those of us who were fondly remembering the Smothers Brothers last week

  226. T. Chicana
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Yeah, if Gerald doesn’t turn over that $100 Rebeccahhh is paying him to charity, there is going to be trouble in Foobidise.
    Oh, and Spotted Horse? That hilarious description “inert spooning” just got me thru the rest of this horrific work day! Too funny. And oh God, their socks will be exposed, too, when they make out next. I think Apes just wants to get going roadside, and fast. Maybe this time she’ll get busted.

  227. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    June 29th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    #223 Echo — my girlfriend is an only grandchild, so your story sounds eerily familiar and I entirely sympathize.

  228. Dono
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]


    Thank you, Kevin! I said the same thing in #86 and was met with stony silence, although at least #104 and #118 acknowledged that the bikini babe in panel 2 didn’t look like Betty.

  229. Hogen Mogen
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    I am NOT digging Mr. Lodge’s cardboard and nipple-less flat chest. On the other hand, there aren’t a lot of comics out there that would put female belly buttons or bikinis on display. Kudos to the laugh-generating-unit today!

  230. Gagott68
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    #224 SH: Why’d you yell fire when you fell into the chocolate? La-lee-doo-dum la-lee-doo-dum-day.

  231. moondough
    June 29th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Lodge, who is wealthy, is not as rich as they come. He can’t compete with old-skool robber-barons like Carnegie, Rockefeller, and the afore-mentioned Rich family. “Forbes” magazine recently re-calculated the fortunes of America’s historically wealthiest, translating them into “today’s dollars.” John D. Rockefeller topped the list at $179 billion. Andy Carnegie was second with a mere hundred billion. Mr. Lodge did not even make the list, with a fortune estimated at no more than 250 million. The Richie Rich family turned out to be the real shocker, according to Forbes. Most of their wealth was on paper. And their lavish spending practices put them even further into debt. (For instance: lining the walkway up to the Rich mansion with hundred-dollar bills whenever Richie came home). Ironically, the bathtub full of jewels Josh mentions might have saved them (Forbes estimates the value of that tub at over $2 billion), but the Rich family simply squandered that unexpected vat of largesse by wantonly tossing the jewels onto the miles-long drive way up to their mansion so that Richie could experience the authentic jolt of a “cobblestone road” as his gilded hourse-and-four came up the drive on his eighth birthday. After which the towns’ folk descended, sweeping the road free of gems in about 15 minutes.

  232. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    #203 Trotzbonnie

    I don’t know my right from my left either…When I was a kid I read in a book that it’s supposed to be a sign of superior intellect.

    I really, really hope that’s true because, add me to the group who has trouble getting it correct! I always have to pretend I’m writing to see which hand I would use, then remind myself I’m right-handed.

  233. winky
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    riverdale is somewhere in massachusetts, so i would assume that they are vacationing on cape cod or nantucket … but i doubt archie and his plebe friends could afford a nantucket vacation, so they must be somewhere on cape cod – there are plenty of private beaches out that way. maybe the lodges summer at their beach house in provincetown and archie and the gang make a day-trip to the public beach next door hoping the lodges will throw them a bag lunch or something.

  234. Kronkina
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    #194 Mountain Mama – She wasn’t joking, but it wasn’t said in hate either. She was a terrible mother (bless her little heart) and I really don’t think it ever occurred to her that such a statement might be hurtful.

    A complex woman, that mother o’ mine.


  235. The Avocado Avenger
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    #92 – I know we snark on Lynn, but I’m beginning to really actively dislike her.

    #126 Spectacular – Hey! I’m not a lazy code-monkey! The 12 commands I learned in old timey HTML were very important to me, and I shan’t give them up. Besides, using “i” instead of “em” is perfectly cromulent.

    #151 Pete Moss – You made me laugh so loud I woke up all the cats. Bravo, good sir.

    Tank: Why don’t people read “Tank” more often? I confess I actually liked this strip back in high school, when I think it was called “Tank McNamara” and not just the tighter, edgier “Tank”. I’m loving the hostility between the pitcher and catcher in this week’s strip, and suspect the two will wind up sweaty and satiated, tangled in each others’ embrace, no later than Sunday.

  236. ugarte
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    One bad pitch and suddenly its “misplaced confidence?” Somebody needs to give ol’ Clambake a pep talk.

    I remember back when I was playing for the Sphas – the goyim and schvartzes wouldn’t let us join their teams back then – and Maxie kept dribbling the ball off his foot. “Pay attention you schmuck!” I yelled, and he did. He still couldn’t go to his left but that didn’t keep him from making a killing in real estate.

    Oh, you know what I’m saying, Clammy.

  237. Ombibilous
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Why is no one else concerned about the giant woman’s breast on the beach charging at Archie? Did the LGU 3K see Woody Allen’s “Everything you wanted to know about sex?

  238. AhClem
    June 29th, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    A friend once postulated that life imitates Gilligan’s Island. In the Archieverse, that means Betty is simple, down-home MaryAnn to Veronica’s exotic jewel-encrusted Ginger.

  239. ElSanto
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    #231: Actually, I think Forbes estimates Richie Rich to be worth $10.7 Billion:

    The Fictional Fifteen

  240. ElSanto
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, forgot an “l” in that last link:

    The Fiction Fifteen (for real!)

  241. King Folderol
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    Archie – She’s using high powered binoculars…the beach is actually miles away. Coincidentally, I have to use those same binoculars to search for any crumbs of humor in Archie.

    GT (DT) – Jim, Ken: Get a Grip. Clambake’s life is over. Worse yet, it turns out it was a sad lie. He couldn’t even pretend he was a Negro Leagues legend, he pretended to rub elbows with Negro Leagues legends. You’ve got your whole lives ahead of you. Even if you only make it to the high minor leagues, you’ll probably see more drugs and whores in one season than Clambake saw in his entire sad, pathetic little life. So it’s all good. Hang your head no more, Ken.

    FC – I find myself wondering who’s taking these pictures. Except for Grandma, who’s old and feeble and probably doesn’t know how to work a camera-ma-do-hickey, I’ve never seen an adult besides Bill and Thel. Is Billy taking pictures? I’ve always been wary of families that reproduce to no end; maybe the Keanes are working up toward a slave labor camp so Bill can just kick back and enjoy some tunes and a few beers while his kids d do all the work.

  242. Jim Walsh
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    It would seem our young Master Archie Andrews is into single Moms. Koo Koo Kachoo, Mrs. Riverdale…

  243. Aelfric
    June 29th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of Clambake.

  244. Mollyscribbles
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I have a really old Family Circus collection that includes a Sunday strip where the kids find their baby books. Billy had a carefully organized baby book, Dolly mostly just had locks of hair and things stuck between the pages, Jeffy’s baby book was still in its wrapper, and PJ didn’t have one.

    . . . it’s probably a bad sign when you’ve reached the point that you can spot continuity errors in Family Circus.

  245. Spotted HØrse
    June 29th, 2007 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    #226 T. Chicana: Hey, I’m glad you enjoyed “inert spooning.” As make out sessions go, April and Gerald accomplished the lamest ever.

    …And oh God, their socks will be exposed, too, when they make out next. I think Apes just wants to get going roadside, and fast. Maybe this time she’ll get busted.

    And lemme tell ya, in case you didn’t know, April is a sock fetishist from way back. She styled herself as some kind of superhero and wore a nylon knee hi on her head and twirled tube socks like nunchucks. As if you wanted to know…

  246. Hysterical Woman
    June 29th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    One good thing about never aging is it’s never too late to put together a baby book.

  247. Skulking on the Outskirts
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    175, Mountain Mama–also the oldest of three girls, also stuck with babysitting duties (and do you think the little shits actually listened to me? HA!), also got my personal possessions trashed on a regular basis, ‘cuz I had to share and be nice to my widdle sisters.
    Bitter? Me? No, of course not, why would you even ask?

  248. Visaman
    June 29th, 2007 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    If I remember my Archie history, Mr. Lodge was(is) a U.S. Senator.

    Yes, I do believe he owns the town, because in one comic book, Mr. Weatherbee kept trying to have a secret meeting with Mr. Lodge about the school, but somehow, Archie kept butting in.They even met in a steam room, and Archie kept butting in, (if you know what I mean).

  249. Blondie
    June 30th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    Yay! It’s like Mr. Burns!

  250. Braniff
    June 30th, 2007 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    Slightly off the topic, but in regards to Veronica (of Archie comics), has anyone ever suggested arresting her for OWI and putting her in jail? From some of these posts, Veronica seems to have a lot in common with a well-known hotel heiress whose release from a Los Angeles-based house of corrections has been in the news as of late.

  251. Jordan
    June 30th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Alas, Archie falls into that classic cartoon shorthand that I never understood:

    When you look into binoculars, you DON’T SEE TWO SLIGHTLY OVERLAPPING CIRCLES, unless you have the worst case of astigmatism in history. You see one circle.

    But good call on the beach resembling a shooting gallery. The big umbrella looks like a target, those people in the background look like they’re cardboard cut-outs, and then the birds, and tell me those balloons wouldn’t make tempting targets.

  252. Red Greenback
    June 30th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    FC: Yesterthread, Next Page: “Billy’s Baby Book”—
    Dolly: “And here’s a photo of Billy’s “paw prints”—
    (Photo of two black rectangles)

  253. Slither
    June 30th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Is it just me, or does Betty look like she just gained 15 lbs? I don’t remember her thighs being that thick — they are usually at least as lean and sexy as Veronica’s. In fact, everything about Betty, if that’s who she is, looks a couple of sizes larger. The little girl is obviously a paper cut-out, apparently left there for the Lodge’s sniper practice, since they must have already used up all the real little girls.

    Pibgorn: I am at a total loss to understand any of this week’s strips. Can anyone help?

    9CL: I don’t get this one, either. Are our universities suddenly having a problem with familiarity between students and faculty? When I was in college, I knew very few Ph.D’s who insisted on being called “Doctor.” And of those who did, I avoided their classes like the plague, as did just about everyone else. I knew one adjunct professor who got his Ph.D. just so he could insist that everyone NOT call him asshole “Doctor.” He turned out to be one of the best teachers in the whole school. Everything about 9CL seems to be making fun of elitist attitudes — or have I got it wrong? I hope not.

  254. AT
    July 1st, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    I think the only thing missing from Gil Thorp’s second panel, is the sad walking away music from The Incredible Hulk.

  255. Frank Parsnip
    July 3rd, 2007 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    Archie has an interesting parallel construction of images between panels 1 and 2 men in identical swim trunks at the beach with hot bikini-clad girls. Mr. Lodge (like his Nabokovian predecessor Humbert Humbert) is glad to have his daughter figure alone on a secluded private beach.

    Panel One:
    Mr. Lodge-Lodge: “Veronica, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Ver-on-i-ca: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of four steps down the palate to tap, at four, on the back of the palate. Ver. On. I. Ca.”

    Veronica: “Yeah, it’s real great.” (looking through binoculars in a way that to Lodge-Lodge appears intended to give maximum arousal but to the reader is just an attempt to use binoculars locate normal people on the next beach who might see and rescue her from this creepy old man)

    Panel Two: (Binoculars show Archie and Betty on the neighboring public beach, Archie sitting in an awkward way to try to hide an erection. More importantly, to the side is the bizarre little staring girl that Veronica will attempt to introduce to Lodge-Lodge in order to win her own freedom.)

  256. Wolf25
    July 3rd, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    Archie comic – I had a ton of Archie comics as a kid, so I am pretty familiar with the cannon of the series. Mr. Lodge was born poor and made his money, however, it never said how. Mrs. Lodge was born into wealth. The town actually has a very large rich class of people and even an expensive private school. Mr. Hiram Lodge deciding that he doesn’t want his daughter to be spoiled put her in Riverdale High School so that she could learn to be more compasionate with people of lesser means. It obviously didn’t work as well as he thought.

    For Better or For Worse – Gereld has been redemed because he is helping the special needs kids, and April realizes that that is more important then any silly fight. So Gerald is a good guy again.

  257. Anonymous
    May 28th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    come on every one knows that hes not goin to pick betty or veronica

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