The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: Silent but not deadly comments of the week

Apropos of nothing except that you all are the only ones who will appreciate this: my poor wife has been stricken with laryngitis all weekend, and so her means of communicating with me have been limited to writing things down in her little notebook, making faces, and (my personal favorite) clapping imperiously if I’m in the other room. Anyway, one of the things she wrote in her notebook this weekend was “It’s like I’m Grandpa Jim and you’re Iris!” How very bittersweet that truth is.

And speaking of funny comments … it’s this week’s COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“I bet Anthony has lips like the bologna in the cooler at the 7-11: limp, the wrong temperature, and with a green patina you can see in a certain light.” –Squid Countess

And the close runners up (a very strong week this week, I must say):

“If it were anyone but Vera, I would say she was aiming to hook up with a doctor so as to have the best chance of knocking off her brother and making it look like an accident. But it is Vera, so she probably thinks that if their thought balloons touch, that’s what sex is.” –sinig

“I can understand Jug’s motivation in eating horse feed. With all the hamburgers he scarfs, he needs some serious roughage if he’s going to have a hope of avoiding colon cancer.” –Bitter Scribe

“FBOFW is like a white R. Kelly song: awkwardly worded with their creepy idea of sexual tension.” –Lizardmess

“Sam: ‘I can’t imagine anyone releasing birds near the airport on purpose. It just doesn’t make sense!’ Mark: ‘You wouldn’t believe the things people are capable of, Sam. The things I’ve seen … it would shake your faith in humanity. And physics. Why, one time a man I thought I knew screwed an eyehook into a boat. (Sigh.) Sometimes, Sam, I think the world is so full of facial hair there’s no hope for humanity. Or Rusty.’” –lesles

“Well, if the birth rate doesn’t plummet precipitously in nine months, it’ll be irrefutable proof that sexual orientation is innate and invincible — if that final panel wouldn’t put you off heterosexuality for good, nothing would.” –SecretMargo

“There must be something in the pool at Charterstone that, unlike in the film Cocoon, prematurely ages everyone who hangs around. No wonder the older yet somehow still virile Dr. Cory hates to come near the place. Three years from now, Dawn will graduate from college sporting Mary-style gray hair, eyeglasses on a chain around her neck, and a degree in mah-jong.” –TedSez

“I wonder what Local University’s mascot is. Probably a vague shape. Or maybe a Fightin’ Vague Shape.” –gkl

“Apparently the artist of A3G heard that most cab drivers in NYC are immigrants, so he dressed the cab driver like the only immigrant he’s ever come in contact with: Balki Bartokomous.” –mokin

“I wonder if Junior’s Rock Concert is taking place at Dawn’s Local University. I bet that Musical Group is performing hits from its Popular Album. For my money, it doesn’t get any better than when they sing That One Song.” –zooby

“Did Professor Papagoras spend some time being brainwashed in a Soviet secret prison? It’s pretty obvious to me — judging from his change in mood from jovial to crazy-eyed in a single panel — that this ‘Ruby’ character is a communist secret agent sent to activate the Prof’s repressed assassin training, keyed by the word ‘sugar.’ I guess Vladimir Putin has decided that the best way to undermine American society is to assassinate America’s sweetheart, Margo Magee.” –Darkefang

“What I’m hoping is that Mark and Sam will arrive to investigate at the same time that Buzzard is releasing his second group of birds, and that they’ll immediately fly right into Sam’s brand new eyes. Do you hear me, Mark Trail? I will give you money if you make this happen.” –Rhekarid

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This entry was posted on Sunday, July 8, 2007 at 08:16 pm and is filed under metaposts.

223 responses to “Metapost: Silent but not deadly comments of the week”

stinky pete
July 8th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

I hope I get it… ah, crap. Well, congrats to the royal court o’ the week.
Harry Paratestes
July 8th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

Josh is on the roll tonite! Nice work on the upgrade.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 8th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

Yay to the winners and runners-up!

I knew I’d kill the last thread.
Harry Paratestes
July 8th, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

Looking at the main post, Josh, I’d say that now is the right time to race out to the hardware store and buy “The Clapper” for your lights and appliances.
Harry Paratestes
July 8th, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

Hopefully, though, Mrs. F will be over it soon.
will
July 8th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

Josh:
Hope Mrs. F’s boxcar-ing laryngitis isn’t too much of a [saturn] strain.
Non-Shannon
July 8th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

I was rooting for Bitter Scribe’s comment. Go everybody!
Jamus The Bartender
July 8th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

Aw, damn.
I didn’t mind not making the cut….it’s stolen from a horse-racing form after all…but Dingo’s story about me choosing which comic strip vixen to have sex with was simply brilliant. I admit I kinda wussed out by choosing all of them, but that wasn’t Dingo’s fault. I especially liked the part where I “drew pictures of naked women in the bar salt”.
Jamus The Bartender
July 8th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

Oh, my best to Mrs. Josh and her laryngitis. Last time I had it my aunt and uncle gave me some awful tasting home-remedy and scolded me for not taking better care of myself. I forget what was in it, but the stuff was great, I was talking within a day. This was five years ago.
yellojkt
July 8th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

gkl,
Great riff on Local University. I hope Dawn does well in Her Major, especially That Really Tough Class.

Since all the cool kids are doing it, I made my own Foob strips with new and improved dialog. The Lynnions can’t sue everybody, can they? Right?
Doug Puthoff
July 8th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

7-8 MW: Is it me, or does Dawn look a lot like Ruth Buzzi’s old crone character on “Laugh-In?” If we’re lucky, maybe we can have another stalker at Charterstone. Perhaps Aldo’s spirit will return.

Speaking of Aldo, it’s sad, really. Clambake is alive, but Aldo is dead. Even in comics, life is not fair.

MF: Gee, Tinsley. Why don’t you think of an alternative to foreign oil. All you can do is whine. Shouldn’t conversative be, like conservating fuel.

DTM: The bad news is: George broke a window. The good news is: the Cincinnati Reds signed him to a three-year contract.

SF: The sad thing is I’m now going to the SF gate website early in the morning so I can see the latest adventures of “Ted Forth, Unemployed Self-Pitying Sack of Garbage.”
True Fable
July 8th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

I’ll bet Mrs. F will be great at charades by next week. Get well soon, Pope-essa.

And Hooray for Squid Countess and her thoroughbred Balonga contender! And congratulations to everyone else on the Court of Snarky Opinions. Brava and bravo!

I will be able to sleep tonight in relative comfort. Part of me will be itching to see if Mark finds Sam’s eyehook, and if Sam ever meets The Buyer, if we’ll ever see Cedric Hart: SuperButler again. I’m sure Dr Drew McHottCory will still be on display like a prize-winning stallion, and hopefully Vera and Dawn will be in a catfight soon.
I won’t care what Foob is up to, since I plan to mock the ever-living fuck out of it anyway. >:D
Islamorada Girl
July 8th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

FOOB I hope Widdle Francoise takes an instant aversion to Liz and makes her life a living hell as only a spoiled, caged psycho child of Therese can do.
Poteet
July 8th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

Congratulations to Squid Countess! I knew that comment would be a contender. And congratulations to all the other snarky riders of the float!

And get-well wishes to Mrs. Josh. In my experience, suffering from laryngitis is only mildly amusing for the first five minutes — after that, it’s just annoying.

Oooh, my comment preview background is a lovely blue!
Poteet
July 8th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

# 12 — Sir Fable MTK, thanks for the compliment on that other thread. Your politesse and gallantry are why your coat of arms will always be etched on my heart:-).
True Fable
July 8th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

You are most certainly welcome, Poteet my Queen!

I am thrilled beyond measure: A week of Squid Countess, my co- Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me afficianado, smiling down from the COTW corner; sweet words for me from Poteet my Queen; and immortalization-by-mention in a Dean Booth parody! I love it!

The only thing that could make this a perfect week is a public apology by Lynn Johnston to, like, Everyone in the history of Ever for her once-good-but-now lame-ass comic strip. But hey, I’ll take what I’ve got so far and be happy happy happy. :D
Jack Parsons
July 8th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

Looking at the whole Sunday Judge Parker, I’m suddenly impressed.

Look at the pink/red color throughout the panels. There are little daubs here and there balanced by the giant pink lamp. It’s a geometric trick that creates a frame around blond chick. And look at Saturday’s: same trick with the pink/red. This is old-school Sunday comics. Barreto knows what he’s doing here, in addition to his mad skillz in rack’m & stack’m.
weiser
July 8th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

Great comments, and very helpful since I’ve been unable to read the posts as they came in this week.

However, I was hoping for a COTW about Keith’s hair in JP. I’m assuming I’ve missed some really good snarking about the buzz top and puny ponytail. That’s not your ordinary mullet, no-siree
Harold
July 8th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

Josh, I jope at least once during this period, Mrs. F. takes the opportunity to clap her hands imperiously, summoning you into her presence, and then presents you with her little notebook, upon which is written only the word “BOXCAR!”
Squid Countess
July 8th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

*Makes repeated dramatic throwing motions without unclenching hand, then stuffs candy in her own pockets*
Thank you! Thank you! I haven’t been on the float in a very long time! Thank you!

I do think Anthony has 7-11 bologna lips, but at the same time I’m very drawn to Little A’s (I think it was Little A) description of him as a “freckled snail.” I guess a snail could still have bologna lips.

gkl- My universal sports cry now is “Go fightin’ Vague Shapes!”

Citric From previous thread re: Mary Worth – Vera’s last name is Shields. She didn’t get called “Panty Shields,” though, Von did. I think in a desperate attempt to be liked, Vera helped the other trust fund gen x-ers at the country club cover Von’s Corvette in deodorant light days pads, and that’s why he kicked her to the curb. That hasn’t been officially revealed, though.
Harold
July 8th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

Oh, and may I recommend a variation of the Hot Toddy? Lots of lemon juice, lots of honey, lots of whiskey, all heated up in a microwave. It is fiercely sour and sweet and alcoholic, all at the same time. If it doesn’t cure your wife’s laryngitis, it mayl knock her out until the laryngitis has gone away on its own.

Now, back to work looking for a job…
Gojira
July 8th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

As an exercise in masochism, used the Chron site’s full week feature to re-read the Lovepocalypse sequence from the start of the wedding to the glurge-a-rama.

Here is the sum total of Anthony’s interactions with Elizabeth before he asks her to dance:

1. Sans mustache, plus woman’s face, as Liz walks down the aisle: (Thought Bubble) “Elizabeth!”
2. After the ceremony: “Elizabeth, I’d like you to meet Julia.”
3. As Julia shows off her dental work: [Bemused smile]
4. As Julia continues conversing with Liz: [Watches mutely]
5. After Mason interrupts Julia and takes Liz to pose for photos and Julia asks him if he wants punch: (Thought Bubble) “I’ve just had one.”
6. As Elizabeth interacts with the rest of the wedding party without looking his way and Julia encourages him to make a move: [Gapes at Liz, then protests to Julia that Liz is with the best man]

How could any woman resist?
alamo
July 8th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

congrats and a tip of the old alamo dome topper to squid countess and the et als.

i peaked early with my best shot last sunday. must pace my humor. must pace my humor. do it more stealthily. you know….
drop little crumbs of giggling like…..
chuckle, chuckle, chuckle…….
tee hee, tee hee, tee hee………
snicker, snicker, snicker………
then all over sudden……
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
must do that just before josh selects the week’s wackiest comments. he is crafty though and doesn’t show his hand before selection sunday bewitching hour.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 8th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

Congratulations to all on the float.

Josh, Dean Booth is already merging you with Hugh Avery in comix form. Do you really want to tempt someone to draw you and the Missus as Foobs?
Gojira
July 8th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

By the way, get-well wishes to Mrs. CC and congratulations to SC and the COTW runners-up. My personal favorite (by Skulking on the Outskirts) didn’t make it, but all of the selected ones are great.
alamo
July 8th, 2007 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

jp — i got that same lamp at wal*mart but they did not have that saleslady displaying her bulbs in the aisle i was in. yowza!
Mooncattie
July 8th, 2007 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

I’ve just finished an interesting exercise, reading four week’s worth of various comics at one go after being away from the CC World for a month. My initial thoughts:
1. I feel more jet-lagged now than when I started catching up!
2. I felt SURE that when I left off with MW (Vera driving back from a sort-of reconciliation with Von), she would end up being so full of thought balloons that she’d go speeding towards Aldo Curve and drive right off Kelrast Bluff. No such luck.
3. Although no one should have to read a whole month’s worth of FW in one sitting (imagine: this stuff has the words FUN and WIN in its title!), I actually found a silver lining. The constant bleakness of it all and specifically the depiction of Lisa’s worsening condition brought back the memory of a wonderful “graphic” book I hadn’t thought of in years, Raymond Briggs’ “When The Wind Blows”. It’s a heartbreaking short story of an elderly couple facing the aftermath of a nuclear attack. The drawings of the couple reflect the horrors of radiation sickness to the point that they are almost melted humans by the end of the story. It is brilliant in the sort of way that FW isn’t.
4. RM….my heavens…he’s OUT for Trout!
5. Foob – well, we all knew this was gonna happen, but for Farley’s sake, how did Shawnabride’s Mom suddenly lose control of the show to the point that the best man is suddenly blotto on half a glass of Blue Nun and a bridesmaid is barefoot in the bushes with another guest? Lynn, dear, I’ve been in a Conga Line, and you don’t just get out of Conga Lines that easily. And, oh yes, this is an Ontario summer’s evening. Where are the bugs???
Well, those are my only thoughts, apart from my delight in catching up with CC snarkers. May the Margo Boxcar Saturn be with you!
Moon Mullins
July 9th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

Monday Mark Trail:

“It’s not likely that many birds would fly over at the same time.”

Good point, Mark. It’s not like birds ever “flock together.” Any gathering of more than two birds in the same area at the same time must be the result of a toothless guy deliberately releasing them from a truck for shady real estate scam purposes.
slinkimalinki
July 9th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

also, dawn, biology is one of the sciences.

also, is doctor mcnarcolpesy going to be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow?
slinkimalinki
July 9th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

also, i like the word “also”
Poteet
July 9th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

7/9 FC — Next I suppose Billy will explain to Dolly that one nice thing about the genocide in Darfur is that every day there are fewer poor people to worry about. I’ve hated this (MargoBoxcarSaturn) idiotic drivel-filled strip for decades, and my hatred has just transmuted into ACTIVE LOATHING.
Moon Mullins
July 9th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

Monday RMMD:

The first thing you wonder is why June had a sleepover at her neighbor’s house. I’ll wait for some of the other mudges to snark on what happened between Hugh passing out drunk and the morning’s phone ringing, when “June goes downstairs and finds Heather!” in, of all places, Heather’s house. But what really amazed me is that June’s breast, already known by all to be supertalented, also knows when to put on a pot of coffee.
Skulking on the Outskirts
July 9th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

Gojira, you are my new favorite Mudge. Nobody has ever nominated me for COTW before. Even if it was after the fact, I’m still honored. Thank you!

And Galactic Emperor CHENNUX, wherever you are, you are still among my very favorite Mudges. But where are you, you big cuddly green Lizard Regnant? Are you having troubles with that punk Luke Sleestalker, or whatever his name is? Should we contact the Dendarii mercenary fleet? Text us, email us, send up a smoke signal, or something, oh glorious Imperial Tyrannosaurus!

Seriously, we miss you!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 9th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

Since nobody else made any comic strip haiku, I’m going to do ALL my snark tonight in haiku.

9CL:
Misunderstandings
that depend on vague wording
for a setup suck.

A3G:
Ruby is Lu Ann’s
cousin. Yawn. Already she’s
less interesting.

BB:
Beetle’s pal Rocky
has a bright future ahead
in the Bush White House.

Blondie:
He could add peppers
and make it into a Thai
pastrami sandwich.

DtM:
Dennis the Menace
just wants to see Margaret
in a wet T-shirt.

DT:
There were two hours
until the trade. When did they
invent a gas cane?

FC:
Reading Family
Circus is like breathing my
own greenhouse gases.

FBOFW:
April gets a bit
of perspective. Too bad the
point’s irrelevant.

(DT)GT:
Teachers don’t really
get the summer off. Shouldn’t
Coach Ken be planning?

JP:
Why would Sam sell his
share of the winery to
the Dog Whisperer?

Luann:
No stupid blonde, she.
I’m liking this storyline.
Take a lesson, Lynn!

MT:
Who is the woman
with normal eyes and what has
she done with our Sam?

MW:
I have to ask: What
happened to Dawn Weston’s ears?
It’s creeping me out.

MC:
My Cage is showing
a little depth. Okay, let’s
see where this takes us.

OBH:
When I bought my first
box of Basic 4 is when
I knew I was old.

SFx:
David Leopardman!
I love that guy. He’s way more
fun than Jay Lemming.

S-M:
Isn’t Reporter
Maria Lopez dating
the L.A. mayor?

TDIET:
Yet another joke
about waiting a long time
for doc? Getting stale.
Mibbitmaker
July 9th, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

Monday:

RMMD: Another front?! That’s just piling on… right, FW’s Batty-ick?

MT: Of course, Sam is being played in panels 1 & 3 by Cherry Trail, but for the center square (no, not Paul Lynde!), she’s being played by Sandra Bullock — with her chin cleft covered.

FOOB: Oh, no! Lynn’s shipping April off to Iraq, isn’t she?!

FW: ha. ha. ha. I’m out of breath laughing. Seriously, great gallows humor, there, Lisa. Even Michael O’Donoghue’s ghost ain’t laughing!
ralph
July 9th, 2007 at 1:06 am [Reply]

1. Get well soon, Mrs. Josh!
2. Many congrats to Squid Countess and all others.
3. I could use a preview button like this for my everyday life.
Jack Parsons
July 9th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

RMMD: Another front? A third stacked hottie? Will this become like the old sexy A3G?
Mibbitmaker
July 9th, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

7/9:

A3G: Oooooohhh, LuAnn’s cousin! Cousin LuAnn, Cousin Ruby, and Cousin Blaze. They’re practically like Phone, Phoney, and Smiley Bone! …Except they’re all pretty much like Smiley.

And note that Phoney –er, I mean — Margo has a look of frightened exasperation in panel last, instead of anger. Ruby isn’t an easy brush-off for our “Maggie”. I think I like her even more now! Go, Ruby!!
Benicillin
July 9th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Awesome winning comment, sorry I missed it. Makes me want to run out for convenient store munchies.
Mibbitmaker
July 9th, 2007 at 1:37 am [Reply]

More A3G:

Margo: “And don’t call me Maggie!”

Ruby: “…And don’t call m’ Shirley!”

Prof: “And stop calling me Sir!”

Margo: “Now CUT THAT OUT!!!”

(Silent penultimate panel)

Ruby: “…Can ah call yew Sugar…?”
Jack Parsons
July 9th, 2007 at 2:17 am [Reply]

Well, well, look who the cat dragged in via The Nikolai Googol.

And, just like A3G, it’s a rehash of the week. At least A3G looks a little redone. DT looks like a straight cut&paste job with a CrimeStopper’s at the top. Was it Phone It In Sunday for the zombie strips?

And, the DT was late. Did somebody stay out a little too late “stopping crime”? Hands shaking too hard so ya had to switch to scissors? A little of the dt’s for DT?
Cerulean Pointing Hand of Doom!
July 9th, 2007 at 2:47 am [Reply]

#34 SSB: I’m applauding down here. Even the cats are impressed.
Trilobite
July 9th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

Congratulations to Squid Countess and this week’s runners-up!

As per usual, I’m looking ahead at Monday’s comics, and I can’t say I like what I see. But I can say this:

Gil Thorp: Okay, I’ve accepted the fact that whoever draws Gil Thorp doesn’t really know how to draw sports action. But I’m genuinely shocked that he doesn’t know how to draw a waiter carrying a tray full of drinks, as seen in the very first panel; I was assuming that if there was any human activity that the artist had logged a lot of hours watching, it would be staring at the servers bringing out another round of booze. But then, I desperately want to believe that the artist is as drunk as a lord when he sits down at the easel to sketch out these impossibly deformed geeks with their inhuman hairstyles and awkward poses. The idea that this is the product of a sober mind is just…disturbing. Maybe the paycheck on this strip is just so bad that he can’t afford to guzzle cheap beer at the local pub, and must instead sip Thunderbird out of a brown paper bag right outside the liquor store.

Mary Worth: “It was better than I expected!” is one of those non-answers that lets you know Dawn is a born politician. Or maybe a politician assembled in a factory — I’m still a bit suspicious of her hairstyle, which looks like something McDonnell-Douglas would put in their wind tunnel.

Rex Morgan: Of all the times for Rex Morgan to suddenly skip over a whole night instead of showing us the whole thing in excruciating detail, it WOULD be the one where June sleeps over at Heather’s house. All we get is just a teasing glimpse of them in their robes, begging the “one bed or two?” question.

The Preachy Horror that is FBoFW: Unbeknownst to her classmates, Eva is bussed in from Afghanistan every morning…just to remind April what a horrible person she is to be upset with the petty inconveniences and tribulations of her sheltered Canadian life. Next, the Pattersons will run out of peanut butter when April really wants to make a sandwich, and a passing troupe of starving African children will climb in through the kitchen windows to tell her to quit whining.
BOXCAR!children
July 9th, 2007 at 3:26 am [Reply]

Mibbitmaker @35: If this were a perfect world, O’Donoghue would do what he did to Abba – put all the Funky Winkerdeath characters on a sinking ship, and force them to warble “Dancing Queen” as they slip beneath the icy waters. Of course, then we’d have to learn a Very Special Lesson about frostbite and how it causes people’s faces to freeze into a perpetual smirk.
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
July 9th, 2007 at 3:31 am [Reply]

Thought it isn’t exactly a new thought, but the comments on the Foobaverse seem to gain more and more acid as the strip plods to it cyrogenic demise, where it will turn into a varient of BLONDIE, and allow it to be ever the more worthy of scorn.
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
July 9th, 2007 at 3:44 am [Reply]

Lynn Johnston’s website has this “essay” about someone asking Jim Davis where he got his ideas, and he weasled out of it, not saying he had so much funny money he hired slave labor to do his strips and sat back and did the approval and noted the greeting card companies and the other franchises with solid approval and his wallet has gotten so big he doesn’t have to care if he no longer works on a strip at all.

The butthead.
Joe Bftsplk
July 9th, 2007 at 4:18 am [Reply]

Dennis the Menace - The 7-9 strip is interesting in light of the recurring issue of nipples on shirtless characters. Does Dennis have two freckles on his chest, or nipples all over his face? They’re all the same little dots, so I can’t tell… and I’m looking right at them!

A3G - In panel 1 Margo reveals her Sith powers as she freezes the Professor in mid-bobble with a casual hand gesture. Outside the other two panels, poor Papagoras is standing there paralyzed, clutching his throat and making small gurgling sounds, as Darth Mageevil and Ruby-Wan battle for his soul.

Blondie - Dagwood had better watch himself, insulting her intelligence like that. The kids are old enough to live on their own, and she’s demonstrated her ability to support herself. One of these days she’s going to catch sight of herself and him in the mirror, and get to thinking, and finally realize that she can do a lot better. That mailman is just waiting for the right moment.

Slylock Fox - “David Leopardman?” Is there a Conan O’Rangutan too? Anyway the scenario here makes no sense at all. Why would Slick Smitty even claim that Mr. Leopardman had been bowling at all, when the fact that he had not been bowling would have been witnessed by everyone else in the place, who are of course standing right there? Why not just claim that Mr. L had snuck away from whatever he actually had been doing? Stupid Slick Smitty. This is the kind of case that Slylock passes down to Max.

Spider-Man - I don’t understand what the problem is. Just tell her you can’t comment on your marital status, or joke that you’re married to your work, or that your spider-fiancee tried to eat you so you had to break it off, or some !@#$ like that. Superman’s the one who never lies, you know.

Family Circus - I spent over an hour trying to compose a comment on this thing, but it just made me too depressed.
dreadedcandiru2
July 9th, 2007 at 5:26 am [Reply]

FOOB: Let’s see. I was warned about this yesterday but thought it wold be Shannon manning the glurge pumps. Instead, Eva’s the one tasked with keeping April from having an opinion her parents don’t approve of.

FW : AHHH! Now, Lisa’s comparing tumors to oranges.

DtM: Menace Index: Seven which is in the HIGH category. Dennis offers to splash someone born with a case of ‘pole up the arse’ playfully with a garden hose.

The Shaft: Thank God Ed has his own strip. Otherwise he’d be in chemo for his case of Non-Sequitur Cancer.
Jamus The Bartender
July 9th, 2007 at 5:42 am [Reply]

FOOB:
Damn.
Lynn IS reading this. Just after everyone…myself included….said something about April being lucky she’s not in a war zone, here comes Eva to tell us the same thing. Still, doesn’t look like Eva stepped on a landmine either….
Trotzenbonnie
July 9th, 2007 at 5:56 am [Reply]

GIL THORP – Why is that man at Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag wearing a nasty pair of faux pearl clip-on earrings? Or has he just plucked the soul sucking pupil-less eyes from his drinking companion and turned them into a tacky fashion accessory?

CANCERY CANCERDEATH – Here is my offer of plot salvation for Batiuik….Lisa dies, then Darin finds out that she was his mother. Boo friggity hoo, right? Not so fast. At the funeral, he overhears Les saying something about the screwed up scans and his pupils turn into dollar signs. Then a big KA-CHING appears over his head! The kid, who inherited Bull’s balls, sues on his mother’s behalf, becomes filthy stinking rich and buys a one-way first-class ticket to Permanent Smirkville. Are you listening, Tom?
John C Fremont
July 9th, 2007 at 5:57 am [Reply]

I knew it! I knew the Squid Countess 7-11 comment would be comment of the week. It really ought to be Comment of the Month, or Comment of the Quarter, putting it in the running for Comment of the Year! Josh, can we have a Comment of the Year?

Sorry. Got carried away. I’m just glad we can see it before we say it again. Now I can put away that damned See ‘n Say. Growing up on a farm, I can assure you that the pig most definitely does NOT say “Gruhn gruhn!” Damned Fisher Price!

Sorry some more!
Les
July 9th, 2007 at 6:14 am [Reply]

Sunday’s FOOB: The origin of Goatse.cx rrevealed!
True Fable
July 9th, 2007 at 6:26 am [Reply]

A3G Has Margo met her match? Of course not, but lil Miss Sugah Britches is giving her a run for her Confederate money.
Crankshaft Not bad. Not bad at all.
CATHY MUST DIE! Yeah, well you CHOSE to marry the bitch, Irving. It wasn’t worth it, was it?
DtM He’s actually menacing! But it would be even better if Margaret pulled out the Luger she got from Cedric and said, “Let’s play drive-by shooting instead, Dennis.”
Curtis Wh-? That was IT? Going to the Frosty Eats and watching a catfight between two princesses? Just what was Michelle supposed to learn about the black experience from that?!
FC If anyone could minimalize Global Warming, it’s Billy Keane. Good job, kid. W says the check’s in the mail.
Asshat.
FW Smirk smirk cancer smirk smirk.
MT Elrod, is there a reason Sam looks like Sandra Bullock in panel two? Is MT supposed to be a wacky romantic comedy? Because Keanu Reeves called and said he could play Mark but he’ll need prosthetics for a lantern jaw. And by the way… why is Mark talking nonsense in panel three? How does he explain why huge flocks of blackbirds rush out of the trees and fly around town in a swoop before coming right back and settling down into their usual loud squawkfest? Birds fly together Elrod. It’s not that unusual. Not like, say… Mark Trail as a romantic comedy.
MW Dawn is stoned, man. For reals.
Anonymous
July 9th, 2007 at 6:49 am [Reply]

What is the deal with having to keep April learning these “you have it too good you know lessons”… I just can’t wait for another trree to fall on their new house while she’s in it for the next one….

“OMG! This tree just crashed into my room and broke both my legs! Someone get an ambulance!!”

“You know, in some countries there are explosions where people end up losing ENTIRE LIMBS, you should consider yourself lucky…”

“Pain… too much… please help… blacking… out…”

“Just be thankful you have your legs to feel pain in, you ungrateful little … HOOOOOOO!!!”
True Fable
July 9th, 2007 at 7:03 am [Reply]

RMMD ALERT! ALERT! A day has passed in the land of Rex Morgan! What’s more, June’s coffee and June’s coffee alone, has the power to help out in a search and rescue mission over the Atlantic.
Luann Well, anyone with brains would have figured out that sloppy, goofy Brad would be rushing in and out of the kitchen to check on the hot food and serving it at just the right temperature, and look at least a little harried in doing so. She ain’t dumb, unlike SOME people I could mention in this strip.
9CL Father Francis… thou shalt take a hint, brother.
JP “Oh, I think he WILL!” Go get ‘em, Sam. And follow the blonde, she wants you to “eat”. Wink wink, nudge nudge, we’ll just see who is the better negotiator. Oh wait, Sam’s old fashioned. He won’t even fuck Abbey when he has the chance. *sigh* Put it away, Trudi. He won’t even nibble.
FboFW Let’s snark this baby one panel at a time, the ore is so rich and I am feeling so… Fabled.
Panel 1: “..and I hafta share the can with my folks.”
Well, what a whiny little…! I’ll grant you, trying to tell the difference between your leg razors and Elly’s sheet razors will be tough, but you’ll figure it out. And no doubt John the Dentist will really be able to monitor your oral hygiene to insufferable heights. But get hold of yourself, kid. You know you’re going to have AT LEAST five or six strips’ worth of “April needs in the bathroom and is Muppet-hollaring outside the door” and “April’s makeup is all over the countertop”. Piss off.
Panel 2: “You’ll be going away to University” WHEN? Hello, in a couple of years, maybe? That’s 720 DAYS, chickie. You could have an affair with a Mountie who dumps you for a less prissy model in that amount of time; you could be pursued by a freckled nerd in that amount of time. It’s not like April is going to University in September of THIS year, unless John and Elly can finagle it somehow.
And April? There are thousands out in the American Great Plains who are telling you to shut the fuck up, as they muck out the mud from their flood-damaged homes, and fire victims in the west who have no insurance much less a second house. Quit whining.
Panel 3: Oh, you only THINK this isn’t a war zone, April. Truth is, John and Elly have already fired the first salvo in their Operation Freedom from April campaign. As soon as you go to University, they are remodeling your room and you can never come “home” again.
And Lynnie has been reading some scolding, hasn’t she?
Panel 4: There are two things about this ‘un. One is, why is Eva suddenly Candace’s twin? Does Lynn only have a certain number of stock secondary characters to draw, and Eva is under the “kooky daring best friend” folder?
The second thing is, Is Lynn going for the we-are-the-world approach on this latest cause? Or – oh no please not this! – we are about to find out that Eva-AH is from a troubled family herself, and homelife “is a war zone”? Either way it just seems pretty contrived and more than that, still points out how petty April’s complaints are. So okay, Lynn gets a point for that at least.

(Yes, Lynn my little frosty Cannuk, I gave you a point. See baby? I’m not all that tough but you still won’t be able to pry my pants off as you’d hoped, my soggy saggy little lake dwelling bottom feeder! You’re only mentioning war zones because this war between you and me, is making you so HOT. You’re aching to infiltrate Roopville, aren’t you baby? You want to put the ’surge’ in my ‘insurgency’, but you’re going to have to just WANT, snookie.
Motorposus
July 9th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

Squid Countess, I just knew that would be COTW. Hysterical…and disturbing!
Doug Puthoff
July 9th, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

7-9–SF: Dang it, Ted! While you’ve been feeling sorry for yourself, Hil has started on that slippery slope toward criminal behavior. First it’s soda fights. Then it’s vandalism. Then its DWI, and she’s spending jail time in a cell with Paris Hilton. Nip it in the bud, Ted! Get thee to a Promise Keepers meeting!
GotFuzzy
July 9th, 2007 at 7:24 am [Reply]

Congrats Squid Countess! That truly is a comment for the ages.

FOOB: Didn’t April already learn this lesson when she said something about being a refugee when the Patterson Compound filled up after the apartment fire, and one of her duskier friends shot back that he was an actual refugee? Unlike some of the stout-hearted fellows here, I am not about to wade through a month of glurge to find the strip.

FC: Words fail me. Jeff Keane has gone full bat-boxcar insane.
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 7:24 am [Reply]

Go Figthtin’ Monkey Bread!
Perky Bird
July 9th, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

FOOB-
Why, oh why, does April have to say she has to share the “can” with her parents? I’m sorry, that’s just so crude. Something about that just bothers me. Wouldn’t a normal kid just say, “I have to share the BATHROOM with my parents”?
By the way, April, it’s not like all three of you will be using it at the same time, will you? Oh, please tell me you won’t! I don’t want to see Elly flossing and John on the “can” while April tries to take a bubble bath! Eeeeewww!
Calico
July 9th, 2007 at 7:27 am [Reply]

#55 – True, better be careful, now – on Lynn’s site, her newest pic looks like she’s gunning for someone or something!

Baldo – all hail the Monkey Grill!
We had Monkey bread and Monkey traps this weekend – whatever will be next – a pet monkey for Mary Worth? I’m on a monkey watch, now!

FC – Billy, you little scum – there is not one good thing about global warming.
Now go to your room and watch “An inconvenient truth” 8 times in a row until you get it.
Maybe if you stopped blabbering that would help the warming situation too.

Josh – hope Mrs. C. is better.
Why just “Preview” now? I liked the pithy “See it” button better. (I know, I know, never satisfied, like Apwil, poor me, waah waah…)
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 7:27 am [Reply]

Go Fightin’ Monkey Bread!
Calico
July 9th, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

#60, well, considering that two of April’s soon-to-be-going-to-University friends are shitting in a hole on the public beach, “can” is a step in the right direction.
Thank God they don’t have a bidet. But I’m quite sure Anthony does. One more perk for Lizardface.
Plasma
July 9th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

I hope I’m not the first person whose mind, when presented with today’s Funky Winkerbean, immediately jumped to cucumbers and bananas and carrots and other such fruits and vegetables. (For the uninitiated: FEMALE MASTURBATION.) At least there’s something there, unlike the joke in FW, if that even is a joke.
Josh
July 9th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

#61 Calico — I liked “See it before you say it” better too, honestly. The older version of the plug-in program that set up the previewing functionality gave you the ability to customize the button text; this one doesn’t, for whatever reason. Sigh!

Josh
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 7:33 am [Reply]

Stand Up, Sit Down
Brandow, Rah!
Calico
July 9th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

#65 It’s a Funky Winkerfruit conspiracy, I tell you!

(Beating head against bedroom wall, slamming door incessantly, punching pillow, etc.) ; )

Ah well – you gave it your all, Josh, and still do.
Glad we can preview. Thanks!
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 7:37 am [Reply]

Where’s CHENNUX?
John
July 9th, 2007 at 7:38 am [Reply]

Mallard Filmore 7-9:

Looks like Bruce Tinsley finally sobered up after a three month drunken stupor and learned that Johnny Hart died back in April.

Better late than never when it comes to suck-up, parasitic tributes, eh Bruce?
True Fable
July 9th, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

#61 Calico – Lynnie’s hunting for ME, baby doll – she’s frustrated that she can’t go Deep South into the Land of Cathead Biscuits, and get some sweet sweet lovin’ from Sir Truman Fable, that’s what. Even worse, she can’t sicc her C&D hound dogs on me, because I use words to snark her, and she can’t whine about fair use of her ‘brilliant’ *cough, choke, wheeze!* comics.

Not when she wants me to use her, fair or not. (that’s a play on words; she’ll like that if she ever deigns to read this, or gets one of her slackeys to read it. Shout-out for you, Sweet Bread! Fuck ya! Fuck ya lots!)

So naw, I’m not worried. She knows she yearns to get hold of some of this ol’ Southern Comfort and lay back on the couch in the Sun Room or the chaise lounge on the veranda, and go at it like a couple of Roadside Jailbait kids. Let that be her punishment: may she require Socialized Medicine in the form of an Icewater Douche.
Trotzenbonnie
July 9th, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

#62 – #66 – Red
Cut that out! Don’t you know I’m an old woman with a frazzled bladder?!
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 7:46 am [Reply]

Plasma: OOOK!…. WHAT YOU SAID!
Jennifer
July 9th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

FOOB:
Once again, April is forbidden–even by her “friends”–from expressing understandable irritation and upset about the upheaval in her life over which she has no control.

Seriously, she needs some new friends. I remember most of mine being totally in agreement with almost any complaint I had about family-related stuff when I was her age. That’s what high school friends DO; they have your back when you’re feeling overly-oppressed by the (mostly) not-terribly-tragic things that happen in everyday life.
Krazy Kat
July 9th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

FOOB–Where the hell is that beach anyway?? Is that what the shores of Lake Ontario look like or did they young FOOB gang steal a van and hot foot it to Myrtle Beach?
TurtleBoy
July 9th, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]

Excellent round of COTWs! Josh was right, it has been a strong week. Onto the next one…

FC: “The nice thing about AIDS is that it’s God’s punishment for evil homosexual sinners.”
Anonymous
July 9th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

A3G – Connie Stevens or Stella Stevens and WTF is Maggie?

FBoFW – What if you quit whining, April – though I would like to see her take a dump in that can, Lynn.

MW – I see a rabbit on the boil, any day now.

RMMD – June and Heather – datrobe – disrobe!

S4th – So Hil regressed to what, a seven year old?

Pluggers – Cruise control, huh. How about, a plugger never cruises the bath houses – in fact they’ve never even heard of a bath.

TDIET – Couldn’t you have worked in that he’s PO’d about the old magazines, too, Scadudo? Old magazines in the doctor’s office are comedy gold, baby. Can’t be overdone – OH YEAH!!
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

Anonymous:” Stella Stevens”. your wish ts my command!
Wellsey
July 9th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

I can’t be the only one who thought those two at the Milford Pub were players, can I?

TDIET: What is this? Salute to the horrors of the Dr.’s Office Week? Enough! You don’t have to do it every time, Scaduto!

BB: Wow. Zoe told her dad he needs a bigger nut! Been talking to mom, have we?

A3G: Ruuuuuuuuuuu-beeeeeeeeeee. Don’t take your love to town.
Major Hoople’s Boarding House
July 9th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

Miserable Fillmuck – “He stood up for his farth against all odds” ?

Jeez Tinsley, You can’t draw, your rants are stereotypical, and now you can’t letter worth squat.

And the self-referance? So tacky. Go and down a six-pack of Fosters will you?
stinky pete
July 9th, 2007 at 8:13 am [Reply]

Red: Monkey Bread!
True Fable
July 9th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

#73 Jennifer – Your post has got me to thinking. (About time something did, ha!) Lynn has been out of touch with teenagers ever since Mike and Liz’s teen days, or at least she never realized that some of the things they did would have made them ridiculed at every reunion in the future. She’s definitely out of the loop with April.

Sure, a teen might say, “you aren’t the only one” but unless April’s been whining incessantly to that girl in particular, I don’t think they’d be so all-out “oh April you are just so wrong and clueless.” Teens ARE socially conscious, but they still sympathize when a friend is shuffled from one basement to another without warning or even a “here’s the deal, kid” simply because their older siblings want to come back home instead of act like responsible adults. I made fun of April’s whining earlier but I have taken a second look at it.

“You have to move out of your room! You have to make way for your suddenly spineless sister and your slacker brother and his parasites! You have to live in the basement! You have to be the automatic babysitter, you have to feed the animals, even the ones that other people have dumped here! You have to put up with Elly!”

Of all the Pattersons, April is the ONLY one who thinks of anyone but herself and Jennifer, you have made me wonder why Lynn decided to pick on April of all people for this issue. Lord knows Elly and Liz and Dee would only think about what sort of curtain pattern would look nice. John’s only concern these days is whether he can run track to it – does the man have absolutely NO OTHER HOBBIES? And Mike – well, we know Mike’s world consists of Mike and what others can do for Mike, how much others fawn over Mike, and if someone can take these noisy brats off Mike’s hands, and if he can boink Dee again because he’s Mike?

Come to think of it, April doesn’t have any other friends than the ones in her band and Shannon. Bet by the time all is said and done, Lynn will claim she is the most popular girl at Noble TURFS High.

So where is Lynn going with this? Why did April go from Brave Defender of the Downtrodden at School, to Whiny Self-Absorbed Spoiled Kid over the weekend? Was she looking (to Lynn, anyway) more compassionate than the rest of her perfect family and had to be taken down a peg or two? Why isn’t Mike getting this lecture? Shouldn’t he, the noble writer of moving tributes, be writing about Darfur or Baghdad or Afghanistan, instead of Sinbad the Cabin Boy? Or would that reflect on Elly’s abilities as a role model? Would that force John to pull his head out of his own ass and notice his family isn’t comprised of scale-model bits of plastic?

Oh, I’m ranting again. Think of it as eye candy for Lynnie. This is your peep show, baby; just for you. ;-)

/rant
Major Hoople’s Boarding House
July 9th, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

# 79 – Maybe it’s faHh?
Anonymous
July 9th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

7/9

MF: This is kind of touching yes, but it’s been 3 months. What the hell kind of lead time does this strip need?

MC: The way “therapist” is spaced on Dr Chipmunk’s door, it looks like “the rapist.” It’s an old joke, but it’s jarring–to say the least–in this context.

DtM: She’s not wet T-shirt material yet. In five years, maybe, but I don’t know.

FC: Billy has a brilliant career as a lobbyist ahdead of him. The future’s so bright, he’s gotta wear 300 SPF.

S-M: Want to throw her off? Tell her your in a stable gay relationship with Thor.

(DT)GT: Looks like the comics will soon have another unemployed pretty boy leaving a deep assprint on the couch. Welcome to Club Ted.

RMMD: Aaaah, terrycloth heaven!

H&J: In panel three, Sarah is holding a meat cleaver dripping with blood. Just thought that bor mentioning.

Popeye: Still don’t know how anyone could mistake these two. There’s a couple of really big differences.

MW: “Mmm, is this Jonestown Kool-Aid?”

Archie: It’s disappointing that Archie is just wearing the sandwich board. Couldn’t they have drawn him dressed as a Reuben, while Jughead stands by salivating?

6Chx: Portrait of a boy with rageful, psychotic mommy issues (aka Stewie Griffin syndrome.) Maybe I. Bannerman can expand this concept and show us the boy’s slow downward spiral to serial killer-dom.
Blake
July 9th, 2007 at 8:31 am [Reply]

Josh, a couple of threads ago you mentioned that nobody uses the RSS feed for comments.

I thought you might want some insight: the reason i don’t use it is that the feed doesn’t retain the numbers of the posts, so it makes following the comments impossible. It is very common for us to say something like: “71: I agree!”. Since the RSS version of comments has no numbers, I don’t know who the poster is replying to.

It would be cool if the RSS titles had the number in them…
Tweeks_Coffee
July 9th, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

7/9

A3G: I am a bit disappointed to learn that this is LuAnn’s cousin, not mother. So this means that she’s a cousin by marriage, right?

FC: “The good thing about global warming is that now the ocean will be much closer.”

(DT)GT: Is that Clambake wandering by the pub?

Hateeachothers: Just a note: there is no joke present in today’s strip. It also appears that there’s a full ashtray next to Leroy. I say bravo, it takes guts to portray Leroy as a chain smoker in this anti-smoking era.

MW: Why is Dawn holding the glass like that? Is she examining the contents? I probably would too if I lived with Wilbur, actually.

SFx: If he wasn’t bowling then what the hell is he doing there? I’d look a little deeper into this, Slylock, I sense treachery afoot.
Dr. Mad
July 9th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

To Mrs. F, get well soon. To True Fable, I have a horrible feeling that April’s friend’s homelife is the “war zone” -what else would LJ know? Also, may you ever continue to resist LJ’s efforts to coerce you into car-hoodin’ on those soft southern nights, when the wind is the same temp as your skin and the noon is like a big ol’ slice of watermelon above the trees. Congrats to Squid Countess on COTW, his lips are like bologna -they even have that little plasticy rim. In solidarity over the recent legal tussle, and because I just can’t take anymore, I hereby vow to only encounter FOObland through the comments of other curmudgeons, I will forego commenting myself. And now, the University Song [Dawn's]
Far above some hills or waters,
Proudly stands on high,
An institute of higher learning,
With buildings named for guys.
Local U, Local U,
Ever loyal we will remain,
And sing paens to our Alma Mater
The U without a name.
Go Fightin’ Vague Shapes! Yay!
Major Hoople’s Boarding House
July 9th, 2007 at 8:35 am [Reply]

# 82 – Oh, it’s FAITH!

He stood up for it? What, a lynch mob was going to storm his studio and tie him to a stake?

“You never expect the Curmudgeon Inquization!. Bwah-ah-ah”
Dr. Mad
July 9th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

Didn’t have my glasses on – meant the moon is etc.
Jemmy
July 9th, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

Count me in among the disappointed that Ruby is Lu Ann’s cousin. Are Lu Ann’s parents alive? She gets haunted by a ghost painter, falls into a coma, and may have brain damage/go crazy, and all the parents do is send more cousins? Yeah, it’s only Lu Ann, but still.

At least Ruby and Margo are at odds with each other.
Major Hoople’s Boarding House
July 9th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

ooh, ooh, ooh…
…Heather and June naked under their robes…
…oh baby, oh baby, oh babyyyyyyyyyy!!!!
…………HOOOOOOOOOOOOO………………
was it good for you too?
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
July 9th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

With June off at Heather’s, we can only wonder what Rex was up to. A late night “mentoring session” with his new little brother, I fear.
True Fable
July 9th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

#86 Dr Mad – I shall never turn over my Southern Comfort to her Northern Exposure, never fear!
The Divine O’F
July 9th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

Credit where Credit is Due (rapid skimming division)

Josh: I hope Amber gets her voice back soon. But if she doesn’t, she’s invited to our Charades party at the end of the month. You can come too.

First, congratulations to our Cephalopod Royalty for her excellent COTW, and best wishes to all the runners-up. I’d seen most of these, and smiled or chuckled or chortled at each as they appeared.

10 Yellojkt: very nice Foob stuff.

34 Spider Brick:

I am bedazzled
By your brilliance that you can
Do snark in haiku
Calico
July 9th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

#75 – How coincidental…I was just perusing Vince Flanders site http://www.webpagesthatsuck.com
and found this:

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/

(WARNING: May cause drooling, projectile vomiting, and sheet-shaving)
yellojkt
July 9th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

Eva is from Darfur. It all makes sense now. Except why her hair is gramma silever.
andreavis
July 9th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: who’s the guy with the Wolverine hair?

Cathy: I can’t wait to see the TSA confiscate Irving’s Costco-sized bottle of shampoo, because it will probably involve a cavity search.

MT: Sam can not speak in contractions. She can not do as the hu-mans do.

Pluggers: I’m surprised Mrs. Chickenlady wants hubby to slow down– that’s the most action she’s gotten in years, I’ll bet.
man behind the curtain
July 9th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

FBOW — So I guess we’re going to get Eva’s backstory. Maybe she can wind up moving in with the Pattersons. After all, April can always use another pet.

LuAnn — So there’s a third party in the house to cook and to operate the video equipment.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 9th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

anonymous @ 83 wrote:

S-M: Want to throw her off? Tell her your in a stable gay relationship with Thor.

If Thpider-man is the “catcher,” I betcha they’re both Thor!

Thank you! Tip the veal and enjoy your waitresses!

And Anonymous, if you’re able to unspool a reel of snark like that, it’s time to stop being Anonymous, adopt a nom du snark and start running with the big bricks.
Don Hosek
July 9th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

SF: At long last, Teenage Girl President’s name has been revealed. It is Hilary.
The Divine O’F
July 9th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

Josh: I’m having trouble with the comment thingy. A while ago I got stuck in an endless loop and had to shut my browser and start over.

Everyone else: The New Yorker caption contest appears to be a repeat of last week. Anyone know what’s up with that?
Poteet
July 9th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

# 33 — Skulking, I agree with Gojira — your comment was very funny, and it certainly helped to ease the nausea caused by that Foob. And thanks for your words about Chennux. I totally agree. And thanks for your cat support awhile back. May your eight-year-old cat live to be happy and thirty.
Calico
July 9th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

#92 – next FOOB – April and Eva get wasted on a bottle of Ontarian Ice Wine, and end up having their first lesbian experience, either in the new scorned bedroom, or in the shower in the communal salle de bain.
As Patsy Stone would say, “If only…!”
man behind the curtain
July 9th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

FBOW — So I guess we’re going to get Eva’s backstory. Maybe she can wind up moving in with the Pattersons. After all, April can always use another pet.

LuAnn — So there’s a third party in the house to cook and to operate the video equipment
commodorejohn
July 9th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

A3G – Catfight!!!

BB – Every once in a while Beetle Bailey passes from reliable and moderately entertaining to hilariously surreal. And yet again, they’re in the woods when it happens.

DT – Before I saw the onomatopoeia, I thought the cane was a gun and the Baron was blasting him in the face. Which would have been awesome.

Dilbert – wound up in The Legend Of Zelda.

FC – Tag-teaming the innocent-children-discussing-global-warming topic with Hi & Lois is today’s Family Circus.

FOOB – This is so insulting as to defy any chance of humorous snark. This is the “be glad you’re not starving in Africa and eat your damn eggplant” line taken to all-new degrees of bullshit. April’s getting dragged out of the home she grew up in because her parents are eagerly foisting it off on her dumbass brother and his robo-wife, and suddenly Eva (otherwise a normal teen character) is posessed by the spirit of Lynn to tell her that “it really isn’t so bad” that she’s stuck in a cramped little bungalow with only one bathroom and basically no living space. The elder Pattersons’ inconsideration is A-okay because they could have no home at all. Remember, folks, you should embrace the injustices in your life because there are other people out there who suffer greater injustices. Screw you, Lynn.

FW – Okay, so we spend all of last week on the “embrace death” message, and here we are back to the stiflingly unfunny jokes and wry smirks? Um…no.

GT – And thus passes Clambake. Yancey, we barely knew ye. *holds hat over heart*

JP – Whaddya wanna bet that Mulleted Steven Seagal is in cahoots with the mysterious figures from Rex Morgan, M.D.?

MF – Boy, are you ever late.

MW – AHH SECOND PANEL SCARY EATING MY SOUL

RMMD – Geez, poor Milton has been out there for like two months now. Also, June in a bathrobe = OHHHH YEAH.

Edison Lee – really, really, really hates doctors for daring to charge enough money to cover their malpractice insurance.
Matt Ramone
July 9th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

I hope I hope I hope I hope that today’s Fooberville is presaging Lynn Johnston’s next sanctimonious banner – domestic violence! Of coure, in Fooberville’s lalaland, domestic violence consists of someone’s dad having a shot of peach schnapps and saying “damn” in front of the children.
SatanicMechanic
July 9th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

Three things:

Watch yo’ head’s “Sidny Sheridan” is the greatest name parody EVER.

Family Circus: The bad thing about global warming is, yknow, the extinction of Polar Bears and sweet little frogs all over the planet.

And the new and improved RexBatmanMd:

http://www.ringo.com/photos/photo.html?photoId=224116870
Jordan
July 9th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

I think that Family Circus is confusing “phenology” (the study of the timing of ecological processes) with “phrenology” (the detailed study of the shape and size of the cranium as a supposed indication of character and mental abilities.)
HBGlord
July 9th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

Squid Countess — if you hadn’t snagged COTW, i would have demanded a full accounting! And i’d like to peel off a slice of Canadian baloney to give to each and every one of the runners-up.
John C Fremont
July 9th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

I have to admit, David Leopardman made me laugh!

A3G – Cousin? Really?

RMMD – June’s just now fastening her robe. Damn, we’re about two seconds too late!

MT – Time for your close-up, Miss Hill. Gaahh!

FW – Did Lisa’s teeth fall out between the second and third panels?

JP – Crack that whip! Give the past the slip!
Perky Bird
July 9th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp–
Someone please help me out here. I can’t keep the characters straight, but these are both guys, right? If so, then why is Light-Haired Guy in the last panel wearing gigantic button earrings?? Looks like his summer plans also include a little bit of “experimentation” with cross-dressing.
Calico
July 9th, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

#97 – don’t know what happened to my comment, but your FOOB snark has been officially nominated for COTW by yours truly.

Now, to continue this theme, here you go Dean Booth – have at it!

http://www.fbofw.com/fun/pileup/

Maybe it should be renamed “The FOOB Roadkill game.” (JK – I love animals)
Gabe
July 9th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

Andreavis: Her name is Henrietta Beak.
Trilobite
July 9th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

#104 commodorejohn writes: ‘This is the “be glad you’re not starving in Africa and eat your damn eggplant” line taken to all-new degrees of bullshit.’

No kidding. If Lynn wanted to go that way, why couldn’t it at least be through an exchange like:

April: My room’s smaller, an’ I hafta share teh can with my folks.
Eva: Could be worse. You could be drinking out of a scary tree and eatin’ monkey bread biscuits.

…And then ducks would crash into their faces, blinding them both.

(It’s sad when a crossover with Mark Trail would be a step UP for a strip.)
Calico
July 9th, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

FOOB – I’m either on a roll today, or headed for Aldo Cliff.

Liz’s letter indicates that she likes the old skanky yellow in her bathroom because they match her rubber ducks.

I actually think she means the walls match her Dildo collection.

And Apewill has abandoned that poor rabbit into the gruuby hands of the Mikeyspawn. God help its bunny soul.
Calico
July 9th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Because IT matches – sorry.

This is me in Grade 9, baby!
commodorejohn
July 9th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

#113 Trilobite – Why not? Jack Elrod is a better cartoonist than Lynn Johnston will ever be.
Dennis Jimenez
July 9th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

114 – I see a FBoFW/MW crossover – I think April’s Butterscotch is going to turn up at the Charterstone, on a rolling boil on young doctor Cory’s kitchen range – rendered there by either Dawn or Vera.
Poteet
July 9th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

# 86 — Dr. Mad, I’ve never encountered a school song I actually liked until I read yours. I’m enchanted, and hereby adopt Local U. as my unofficial alma mater. And thanks for your cat support several days ago!
Nina
July 9th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

FC “The good thing about global warming is that we can all get a kick ass tan!”
GotFuzzy
July 9th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: The guy with the Wolverine hair and the kicky earrings is an assistant coach. He has an actual name, but around here we tend to call him Coach Wolverine. Because of, you know, the hair. The other guy is the titular (hee, hee) character, Gil Thorp.
Lynngineering
July 9th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

Michael’s coma fantasy is rambling in its late stages. With synapse mis-firings, slipshod connections leading to strange shifts and couplings, it reflects the old 80s adage, “confusion=sex”. Which describes the new-world-order of his own thoughts, in which Michael would choose to be King.

He reset the scene back to the Garden wedding. The “banishment from the Garden Paradise” was enacted through cliches belonging to a musical. But only the cliches, without the artful music and lyric. The Patterson, Liz, was the starring role. The non-Patterson, Anthony, relegated to lifting the star up and down on cue.

What Paradise is this really? Michael’s is a neurotic manifestation of his psyche, a fantasy struggling with the consistently frustrated attempts at total control by two authors in competition: his Mother’s hardcore Pattersonian shave-sheet repression which combines badly with Michael’s rampantly narcissistic ego. In his coma, as in life, his dreams show the search for mental survival by taking any unrestrained routes of escape offered. Only here, all of which seem to keep returning to certain “non-Patterson” fascinations.

In fact, Michael’s Wedding Garden Paradise has a real bacchanalian sense – the wine-inebriated suitor, the open desire for another’s partner, the selfish, boorish manners, and then a collective order given to grab onto the swaying, undulating, hips (Congo-line style). It’s this last demand, with its sensual implications of real-world social mixing mess that Liz and Anthony refuse.

The two manage to escape into the shapeless, dark recesses, only to immediately hit a border. A waterside, a horizon line between the airless darkness of waters below and space above. Stuck inbetween, his two characters realize they must choose to seal their cold, empty fate.

Like always, Michael, loses interest in sister Liz and swings back to April. His mind wanders along the waterside to arrive at the diametrically opposite end. What a difference between April and Liz’s waterside. April and her friends also reenact a musical, one of the “Beach Party” series. Again, without the songs and lyrics, just the cliches. It’s the anti-wedding ritual – now celebrating sensory overload in bright, sunny daylight.

This is a feast of young, hot, sweaty, uncovered bodies inventing intricate rules as excuses for making direct physical contact between same and different genders, to warm up, “accidentally” expose and activate all the orifices, and where wetness and exchanging of liquids is foregrounded suggestively.

In his fantasy, Michael’s managed the excuse for these rituals by having the gang acquire Kodak moments. But April is the only truly uncontrollable character in Michael’s fantasy, and she is thinking about this evidence, for a future escape, which she surely has plans for…

Michael always tries to contain April, here he placed her in a smaller house (the one he was supposed to have) and fantasizing it as smaller than an apartment, only having 1 bathroom or as April puts it, she has to share the “can” with her parents.

Michael sends a global warning to her through Eva: watch your step, this could become a war zone, Sis.
Jym Abuya
July 9th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

=v= Foob: I probably have my non-Pattersons all mixed up again, but for some reason I was assuming that Eva was Argentinian (they call her “Evita” in her home country), and is about to tell a tale about the Falkland Islands war. (Dark skin and light hair is not uncommon in South America, BTW.)

However, a web search turns up her surname all over the place, as well as an up-to-the-second poorly-spelled Wikipedia entry speculating that she had to flee to Canada from wherever for some reason.
Little Guy
July 9th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

FOOB: I’m just waiting for April to discover that Eva, Shannon, and ThatOtherKid have been slipped bribes by Elly and John to keep her ‘Pouty Face’ attitude in check.
Poteet
July 9th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

FC — Thank you to the Mudges who have snarked so cleverly on today’s strip. You have helped my blood pressure to descend.

MT — I’m an amateur birder of sorts, but by the time this (Margo)ing tedious bird dialogue has ended, I may never want to see or hear or read about birds ever again. Elrod, please, MOVE THE PLOT ALONG ALREADY! Such as it is.
Poteet
July 9th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

Meanwhile, over in STEVE CANYON, we have guns, torture, greed, love, Rube Goldberg contraptions, good draftsmanship, and batshit insanity, all mixed together and moving forward at a brisk, gratifying pace. All hail, Milt Caniff.
andreavis
July 9th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

#112 Gabe: thanks for the link. I’m impressed Ms. Beak seems to have retained her maiden name after her marriage Earl Houndstooth. I wonder if old Earl gets calls like my husband does, asking for “Mr. Beak.” It always helped to weed out the telemarketers.
The Divine O’F
July 9th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

121 Lynngineerng: sublime!

JP: “Make the call, Keith! And then open the pod bay door!”

MT: I’m sorry, I’m rendered speechless by the unexampled stupidity of this story line. “It’s not likely that many birds would fly over at the same time.” For Margo’s sake, has he never heard of a flock? Well, probably not. Even though he’s a nature writer living in a nature preserve, it seems that Mark is remarkably innocent of any knowledge of the natural world. He probably thinks that babies are made by pairing eyehooks.

MW: My nomination for most pointless two-panel dialogue of the year.

RMMD:“There’s another front coming in from the northwest.” “I’ll put on a pot of coffee. At the very least, that should be enough to swing the front around to the south.”
MossMoses
July 9th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

What the hell is that concoction Wilbur and Dawn are drinking? It’s either a V8, Hawaiin Punch or a bloody mary but it looks like it is being poured from a booze bottle. The Weston family is not exactly gifted in the hair department. Wilbur has the very worst combover in all of comicdom and Dawn’s bowlcut is the kind that most people her age would be embarrassed to show in public. I am nostalgic for the original Dawn Weston, Wilbur’s homely, pudgy daughter, who at least had one redeeming characteristic. She annoyed Professor ChinBeard. She turned into the Charterstone poolside diva overnight. The author (John Saunders) blamed it on the artwork being out of synch with the plot when I emailed him and asked about it.
Nina
July 9th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

FC “The good thing about global warming is that we won’t have to bring our plants in for the winter!”
Allie Cat
July 9th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

#128 – MossMoses – I too pine for the Dawn Weston of say, 1995. She wore a middy blouse of sailor motif and a short pleated skirt. I think she had an imaginary boyfriend back in New York, and was generally a mess until Mary Worth stepped in and meddled her way into Dawn’s heart.

FREE DAWN WESTON!
Little A.
July 9th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

FOOB FOOB FOOB My goodness this strip can evoke hostile reactions in folks all over. This COMIC STRIP. I know I have been reminded and admonished that we are merely snarking here, no mattrer how serious and nauseated we sound, but sometimes it sounds like some of us would like to do bodily harm to the artist/author. I hope most of these comments are toungue in cheek, but I know that if you stick your tongue too far back in your cheek you will throw up.

That said, and I hope it makes some sense, this week’s strip is starting out as if we are about to learn another homely lesson about gratitude, how we should be grateful for what we have, other people have it worse, more bullshit with April as the vehicle. The Gospel According to Lynn. Stuff like, the basement room is always roomier in the house up the street. Deep stuff. By way of Lynn’s last fortune cookie.
Calico
July 9th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

#130 – doesn’t that mean that poor Dawn is even more of a codependent, needy mess now?
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 9th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

#98,
Yo, this is #83 here. My info seems to have been erased in my last disc-cleaning, which I didn’t notice earlier.
I’ve been in these snark-infested waters for a few months now, and wouldn’t have it any other way. But I do want to thank you for the compliment.

Ah, Mighty thor indeed.
Major Hoople’s Boarding House
July 9th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

129 -Nina wrote:
“FC – “The good thing about global warming is that we won’t have to bring our plants in for the winter!””

Wrong strip, that would be Crankshaft at the gardening meeting a few weeks ago.
commodorejohn
July 9th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

#131 Little A. – Not serious bodily harm, but I would like to give her a good smack across the face. It’s “only a comic strip,” but consider how many people adore it. That means she’s got influence. More influence, in fact, than any other semi-serious strip except probably Opus and Doonesbury. And this kind of “be glad we haven’t kicked you out, shut up and eat your gruel” bullshit is what she preaches from her bully pulpit. So yeah, I think we’re pretty justified in what anger we do display.
Tweeks_Coffee
July 9th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

#124 – Poteet: Buzzard? Is that you?

FOOB: The way things are going here, can a cancer storyline be too far behind?

(DT)GT: Fem-Wolverine there really is a sight to behold. Kaz’s been slowly descending into transexual status for a while now. Starting with his eye surgery a bit ago.

MT: As several have pointed, birds tend to fly in groups quite a bit. I’m just not sure if this is a result of Mark’s years of drug abuse or general stupidity. Though there’s nothing quite as sad as a wildlife expert who can’t perform his job anymore due to addiction. Especially considering that it was a pretty cake job in the first place.
JEdens
July 9th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

83:

>>MF: This is kind of touching yes, but it’s been 3 months. What the hell kind of lead time does this strip need?

Tinsley needs that kind of lead time in case he gets sent to jail for a third DUI
schlimmerkerl
July 9th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

Wait a minnit. There’s no “training course”. Companies such as “…the likes of LucasFilm, ILM [Industrial Light and Magic], RedStorm, Midway, Blizzard…” hire you because you already know how to draw the human figure.
Dean Booth
July 9th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

#61 Calico “a pet monkey for Mary Worth” + #83 “MW: ‘Mmm, is this Jonestown Kool-Aid?’” = A true Jonestown story: When asked how her mother-in-law wound up drinking the poison Kool-Aid at Jonestown, the daughter-in-law responded: “Her pet monkey hung himself, and so she looked in the paper for pet monkey ads, and as a result bought a monkey from Jim Jones, who asked her to come to his church.” Twenty-five years later, she was drinking the Kool-Aid.

Chances are good, I think, that Mary’s pet monkey would hang himself.

…And major congrats to Countess and the other floaters. Great stuff as always.
mrs.hutchrenfro
July 9th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

hey! i went to Local U . . . on a full boat wrestling scholarship
True Fable
July 9th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

# 131 Little A: Lynn wants to have carnal knowledge and therefore put to rest her unrequited passion for yours truly True Fable, but I refuse her every plea. Trust me, I not only mean her no bodily harm, I mean her no bodily good either. :-)
Tats
July 9th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Man, that seems to happen to April with almost improbable frequency. Next she’ll get caught complaining to her new Austrian friend Schindler about how she’s always dealing with other people’s problems.

A3-G: Blonde, unflappably cheery, always wears bright colours, prone to affectionate nicknames… dear God, it’s the Anti-Margo.

MW: “You rarely attend the Charterstone gatherings, Dawn! What did you think of this one?” “I AM DALEK! EXTERMINATE!”

Spider-Man: M.J.’s so upset over the situation she’s decided to rip her face in half up the middle by pulling it from the back.

TDIET: What’s this? A TDIET comic without the ubiquitous black sweatervest? Man, the FOOBocalypse is throwing everything out of whack.

Archie: Oh, look, Archie works at the same advertising firm as Vera from MW.
gh
July 9th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

A Disquisition With Musical Inteludes

Hey, I’ve missed you guys (My Gang of Thirty). For a variety of reasons I’ve only read the übersnark and a handful of comments over the past 14 threads. Office was re-locating, so I couldn’t “work” for a week, plus a bit of self-imposed exile. I love you all, but I couldn’t take wading though the heavy surf of these 300, 400, 500 comment threads. My calves were cramping up and I think it’s affecting my vision or something. Plus last week’s FOOB . . . I really didn’t need to hear what anyone had to say about that nightmare. Josh pretty well summed it up. As formula writing went, it was [hurl] * ?/0. Plus the FW Bataan Death March. More on that later. I just tore up 6 pages of notes on The White Album, which my daughter finally discovered and has been playing incessantly for a week. Oddly, I was her age exactly when it came out. Her: “You have great taste in music.” Me: “Babe, it’s The White Album. Me and my taste have nothing to do with it.” I’ll spare everyone the notes, but the album is, as many of us know, the rich mother lode of parody. Especially after 20 or so listenings (thin walls) in eight days. So, for our opening number:

The Ballad of Ted Forth

I’m so fired, was downsized in a blink
I’m so fired, my shirt’s begun to stink
I wonder should I get up and eat over the sink
No,no,no.

I’m so fired I don’t know what to do
I’m so fired, now Sally says we’re through
I wonder should I play her but I know what she would do

She’d say why haven’t you shaved
Now it’s no joke, there’s nothing we’ve saved
You know there’s no sex, what’s up with your glands
You know it’s been weeks, quit waving those hands
You know I’d give her such a pinch (or not)
For she’d likely slap me blind

I’m so fired, I’m feeling so upset
Although I’m so fired I can’t turn off the TV set
And curse you, Martha Stewart
I can’t make that vinaigrette!

Sal says why haven’t you shaved
Now it’s no joke, there’s nothing we’ve saved
You know there’s no sex, what’s up with your glands
You know it’s been weeks, quit waving those hands
You know I’d give her such a pinch (or not)
For she’d likely slap me blind
I’d give her such a pinch (or not) for she’d likely slap me blind
I’d give her such a pinch (or not) for she’d likely slap me blind
(pussy, pussy, pussy)

*
Back to Batiuk [pronounced like “attic’]. The aforementioned Bataan Death March lacked a theme song. At first I thought maybe Yes’s “Yours is No Disgrace” twisted into “Yours is Such a Shameless Disgrace” would do, but with the relentless strains of The White Album surrounding me, I couldn’t manage it. So I settled for this [and remember, Batiuk sounds like “attic”].

Cry, Batiuk, cry
You made Lisa die
You’re old enough to know better.

There’s Funky Winkerbean, an alcoholic
Who’s divorced from his true love.
She’s a shining star, a hot news anchor
Wanted fame, gave him a shove.

Cry, Batiuk, cry
You made Lisa die
You’re old enough to know better
So cry Batiuk cry.

The one-armed girl was pregnant
While her husband dodged a land mine in Iraq
So Comic Book Guy took her
To the ER, then moped off, what a shock!

Cry, Batiuk, cry
You made Lisa die
You’re old enough to know better
So cry Batiuk cry.

The band director Dinkle got promoted
He’s a winner?! What the eff?
Oh, Batiuk, that’s more like it
What a teaser! But of course he’s going deaf!

Cry, Batiuk, cry
You made Lisa die
You’re old enough to know better
So cry Batiuk cry.

Now Lisa’s going under, letting go
What’s the lesson for us all?
Should curminions let go
Since we all know what is coming in the fall?

Cry, Batiuk, cry
You made Lisa die
You’re old enough to know better
So cry Batiuk cry cry cry cry Batiuk
You made Lisa die

You’re old enough to know better
So cry Batiuk cry cry cry cry
You made Lisa die
You’re old enough to know better
So cry Batiuk cry.

… … …

Can you take us back where they came from?
Can you take us back?
Can you take us back where they came from?
Batiuk can you take us back?
Can you take us back?
Oooh, can you take us where they came from?
Can you take us back?

*

And if one is a march, another is The Crawl That Is Judge Parker. This one is dedicated to all the “fans” who count how many months it takes to make a day in Parkerland.

You say you want a resolution
Well you know
We all want to change the pace
You tell me ‘bout the convolutions
Well you know
It’s not like speed is a disgrace
But when you talk about dysfunction
Don’t you know you can count me out, in
Don’t you know he’s gonna be uptight
Uptight Uptight

You say we need a cash infusion
Well you know
We’d all love to get one soon
Ten million in the bank’s an illusion
Well you know
Abbey spends that much by noon
If you want money from people to buy us out
All I can tell you is brother I have my doubts
Don’t you know I’m gonna be uptight
Uptight Uptight

You say you’ll tour the institution
Well you know
We’d all love to take the tour
You tell me it’s your suave insouciance
Well you know
You better hope your thoughts are pure
‘Cause if you go carrying pictures of Sophie now
The sexual predator’s squad’s gonna have a cow
Don’t you know it’s gonna be uptight
Uptight UPTIGHT UPTIGHT UPTIGHT UPTIGHT UPTIGHT UPTIGHT UPTIGHT UPTIGHT

*

And for a little balance, The Rolling Stones [dedicated as always to The Divine O’F, or whatever your name is this week, lovey]:

Floor rollin’ ’round with spewing motion
We’re setting off a laugh explosion
Words pour in ‘cross every ocean
It’s so very loony, you’re a hundred comments from home

Pleasing Red Greenback’s turn to snark
Energy here in every part
It’s so very loony, you’re six hundred comments from home

It’s so very loony, you’re a thousand comments from home
It’s so very loony, you’re a thousand comments from home

Comment fourteen you now can land
See you after Squid Countess and oversnarking now has been banned
It’s so very loony, you’re two thousand comments from home
It’s so very loony, you’re two thousand comments from home

[I miss SPOI.]

And now *sigh* to the comments!
Rocky Jones
July 9th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Congratulations to the winner and runners-up! Another week I didn’t get a win. Man, there are so many funny people on the comments, Josh must have a hard time choosing.
Anyway, how about some Monday comics?
9CL: This gag is kind of a sitcom staple. Still, the author gets credit for reworking it to display an interesting facet of the current storyline: the inherent absurdity of a celibate man needing to be an expert on the nature of romance.
A3G: Barely recovering from the harsh shutdown it received yesterday, the Margo bitch-mobile sputters into action!
DT: Finally! Action! Not particularly plausible action, but action nonetheless.
FC: I know others have mentioned this, but HOLY JESUS is this one disturbing. “A nice thing about global warming is the birds could stay here all winter instead of flying south. Of course, the mass alteration of migratory patterns would cause drastic changes in seed dispersal patterns and the food chain, adversely affecting the biosphere and potentially causing the extinction of many species; but hey, at least we’d have birdshit on the car year-round! Also, human extinction.”
Luann: Speaking of sitcom cliches. Though, I must say I’m inexplicably enjoying this storyline, and the little “thank you” emerging from the kitchen gave me a reluctant chuckle.
El Queso de mi Padre
July 9th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

Foob/FC mashup:

“The best thing about global warming is that we could be living in New Orleans.”
commodorejohn
July 9th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

#143 gh – Hot damn, you’re a one-man parody factory!
Gabe
July 9th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

The less we think about Plugger marraiges/name combinations/how they breed, the better.

Though I wonder: Since Earl and Henrietta’s kid looks full dog, can he lay eggs to compensate the other half of his genetic pool?
Tats
July 9th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

Also, sorry if this has already suggested, but someone needs to whip up a design for a “LOCAL U” varsity shirt.
Gabe
July 9th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

Well, we already have the generic STATE UNIVERSITY shirt for sale, LOCAL U is basically the same joke.
commodorejohn
July 9th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

#143 gh – Okay, just finished reading them. Didn’t know the Stones one, but the White Album tracks are dead on.

And tell your daughter she has excellent taste in music.
Tats
July 9th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

Ah. My bad.
Motorposus
July 9th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

#16 True Fable – Speaking of “Wait Wait”, what was the answer to the question about David Bowie? Was it the swimming pool or the microphone? Did Breyer get it right?
Jamus The Bartender
July 9th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

Sally Forth:
Witness…
http://francescoexplainsitall.blogspot.com/

Jamus is famous…..sorta….
Damn, now all that remains is for LJ to snark on me…like my good buddy Jim who used to work with me at the pizza place once said…”For every finger you point, there are three more pointing back at you…”
Francesco didn’t mention Ace Backwords and the fifteen ton weight though….
The Divine O’F
July 9th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

Hello, gh, well hello, gh, It’s so great to see you back where you belong! Oops, wrong genre of song. But thanks for the trip down memory lane with the White Album and for dedicating the Stones parody to me. I am so honored. And FYI, the name The Divine O’F is it. No more name changes. When Secret Margo re-dubs you, you STAY re-dubbed.

I’m off now for the rest of the day. Carry on, Curminions, and don’t strain your snark muscles. Just take it nice ‘n easy.
Motorposus
July 9th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#17 Jack Parsons – At first glance, I thought the lamp was in its own frame, and that the mysterious investor was in fact a giant, pulsating, brain-colored light fixture. That would have been no weirder than most of the story lines in Judge Parker.
Perky Bird
July 9th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail related note:
I was searching the USAJobs website (the official site for Government jobs), and I kid you not, the FAA is looking for a “Wildlife Biologist”, whose main job would be to study the impact (no pun intended) of wildlife on aviation.
Attention, Sam Hill:Uncle Sam wants you!
Don
July 9th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

Oh for Margo’s sake! Global warming is not going to result in the extinction of the human race in even the worst case scenarios. The history of climate change shows that some regions end up as net winners and other as net losses during periods of warming and cooling. Get your head out of Al Gore’s ass!
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

Hi gh!!! Thanks for the shout-out! And putting me in one of my fave Rolling Stones songs EVAH! We love you*
*of course we do.
Whippersnapper
July 9th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Foob: Oh, not another week of the “April is a spoiled princess just because she’s upset at being ousted from her home so it could be given to her grandstanding asshat of a brother” crap. But it’s still better than watching Liz and Granthony limply making out. I really can’t dry heave any more without doing some serious damage to many vital organs. Maybe this week’s distraction will help me forget that looming on the horizon is a bland, passionless marriage proposal from Granthony during the telethon, and an equally lukewarm acceptance from Liz. The wedding colors will be beige and beige, with beige accents, and it will be held at Gordo’s gas station.
Kronkina
July 9th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

#141 True Fable – Awesome! This is why I love you.

Yeah. Yeah, I’m still feeling the love, leftover from my wild ‘n crazy drinkfest Friday night.
Calico
July 9th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

#157 – but Don, it’s so nice and WARM in there!

My curmudgeon summertime proposal:
Eat and read under candlelight a la Mary Worth. She does know everything there is to know, after all! : D
True Fable
July 9th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

#142 Motorposus: Nope, Breyer got it wrong. He chose neither pool nor microphone; he actually guessed the bodyguard taste-test one, where the bodyguard might hold a bit of food in his mouth for a second before Bowie would eat it. And this man is a Supreme Court Justice?!? XD

But he was pretty darned funny.
True Fable
July 9th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

#160 Kronkina: Why, I love you too! If you’d let me, that is… ;-)
Rocky Jones
July 9th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

#157 Don: I don’t know whether to respond to you, because this is not really a good forum for scientific debate. But I’m going to anyway. Global climate change affects all species in all regions; some positively, some negatively. Some species benefit from climate change, others are damaged. Frequently, climate change causes mass extinction, and turns biospheres on their heads. No species is safe from extinction, not even humans: if a species loses its source of food, drinkable water, and cannot stay healthy and bear healthy young, it is at high risk of becoming extinct. These are precisely the sorts of challenges we will face due to global warming in the next 50 years. We probably won’t go extinct during that time, and likely not in the foreseeable future, but we should not consider ourselves above extinction, either. Global warming is a scary, destructive topic, and this sort of cutey-poo comic is not appropriate and not funny.
fishmorgjp
July 9th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

#131 Little A. – It’s just people’s natural revulsion to disgusting things. Normal people, when presented with piles of excrement, or color photos of intestinal parasites, react with aversion. Likewise, they react with aversion to what FOOB has become.
Josh
July 9th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

Don, Rocky Jones — if you really want to argue about global warming, why not take it over to the Cockpit? Because that’s where I’m gonna send you if you don’t knock it off over here.

Thanks,
Josh
Anon
July 9th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

Sad that liberals don’t believe in evolution, they believe in a steady state. Everything is perfect now and there CANNOT be any change. If the balance is moved at all, it will result in the end of LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. Well, yeah, that happens. Talk to the dinosaurs. This is all part of the greater carbon cycle, the one that stretches over millenniums, all that carbon that is tied up deep in the earth is being cycled again.

It will soon be time for the cockroach to rise up and take over its spot as the top creature on this rock.
Rocky Jones
July 9th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

Josh, I’m sorry. You’re right, this is not the correct forum for that. I will take it over there.
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

gh- I did a parody of that Stones song several(twenty) years ago titled “Two Thousand Light Beers From Home”
gh
July 9th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

#169 Red Greenback

Bet it tasted great! And fulfilling!
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Won’t someone think of the monkeys? And where will they get their BREAD!!! Well, Melkardammit!, Mike Brandow and I will!!!!
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

True Fable- You a world wide PLAYA, Homeslice!
HBGlord
July 9th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

#143 — gh, i went through the exact crisis re CC — new job that limited my time to read, compounded by the 400-message average on comments, led me to take a break, but i found my way back “home” somehow. But you’ve returned with an absolute pig-biting vengeance, proving it’s quality, not quantity that counts here.

And let me second your line about missing SmartPeopleOnIce. When was she last ’round these here parts?
Ces
July 9th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

Jamus:

I didn’t mention the Ace Backwards one because it seemed a tad too “inside” of a joke. But I DID correct your name on the blog.
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

MT: Dateline: Sunday:—”Baobab” is short for Baobarbara. Okey dokey, I’ll S the FU now.
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

Ces- Your Pops rules!!!
Jamus The Bartender
July 9th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

174. Thanks Ces , I hear ya. Also,thanks for the correction. My dad tagged me with that nickname…and thanks again for the shoutout. :)
gh
July 9th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

#173 HBGlord

And you were missed! I just needed a breather. I think SPOI was a new dad [mom?]. Probably knee-deep in diapers, either way. It’s been since March, if not longer, I’d say. Maybe once the kid’s on solid food . . .
lesles
July 9th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

DT: something’s terribly, terribly wrong in Dick Tracy! evryones’ fingers are normal!! what’s happening?!! what’s happening?!!! (sob) somebody, please help me … okay, okay … deep breaths … just stay on the brightly lit streets … it’s all going to be okay … you made it through foob, you can make it through this.
yellojkt
July 9th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

Ces,
Your name links to the Conversations With Dad blog. How many things you got going?
Kronkina
July 9th, 2007 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

#163 True Fable – well, I’ve got that on Lynn! My day is complete.

And Red Greenback, I love you & your posts, too! But I never understand them. Except the one about the monkeys. Oh, yes, I understand the monkeys…
lesles
July 9th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

#171 Red Greenback – Mike Brandow, People’s Lawyer! is a strip that’s just waiting to be made.

he kinda reminds me of aardman’s angry kid.
sinig
July 9th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

#128: Dawn didn’t turn into the Charterstone poolside diva overnight. Time in MW isn’t measured in hours, days, weeks, months, and years, but in platitudes. Indeed, those who stay too long at Charterstone turn into living platitudes, at the beck and call of the evil Mistress of Platitudes, Mary Worth herself.
commodorejohn
July 9th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

BREAKING NEWS

I just saw Clambake in the fabric of my bath towel. Okay, he had a humongous unibrow, and his head was elongated like he was a Talosian, but it was Clambake.

The heck with the Virgin Mary.

Screw Elvis.

CLAMBAKE LIVES!
Mibbitmaker
July 9th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

FOOB:
April: “…an’ I hafta share the can with my folks.”

Eva: “Consider yourself lucky you don’t live in a war zone.”

April: “I meant that I literally have to share a CAN with my folks!”

Eva: “Oh. Forget I said anything.”
Kronkina
July 9th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

FOOB Lots have commented on the impending domestic abuse storyline involving Eva. But it occurs to me that the reason we’re going to have this storyline is to highlight what a great and wonderful mother Elly is! Suddenly, April will see her through new eyes. No more is Elly the old, tired woman who shaves her sheets, for cryin’ out loud!! No. Now she’s the understanding mom that April is soooooo lucky to have.

Lynn is truly living vicariously through this strip.
Chat Noir
July 9th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

My problem with Family Circus is the continuous lack of perspective — not so much in terms of worldwide scientific debate, but with the artist’s day-to-day tragic inability to figure out how big these children should be. Dolly usually looks like a Mack truck; next to Billy, she’s practically Nicole Richie.

It also looks like her head’s on backwards, therefore increasing the resemblance to Nicole Richie.
bats :[
July 9th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Maybe there’s a baobab tree growing just outside the window of Apes’ new bedroom…some dark and stormy night, a branch can reach though and strangle her.

That’ll teach her.

FC: Screw you, Jeffy Keane. You’re a Grade A example why people shouldn’t waste their money (or trees) on newspaper subscriptions.
Mibbitmaker
July 9th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Mamma Zits, don’t bother becoming a critic in the paper, the Lockhorns are cancelling the newspaper anyway.

Mutts: Et tu, Mutts?

A3G: I’m not sure how much help she’ll be; as great as she is, she occasionally morphs into Barbara Walters, which is pretty disturbing. And that helps nobody.

(DT)GT: What happened in the middle panel? GT’s getting a cameo by some long-lost Gould-era Dick Tracy character and Maria Lopez from Spider-Man.

FW:
Dr. Incompetent: “Lisa, your tumor is no longer the size of a plum. It’s now the size of a Butterball turkey! Pun THAT, smirkface!!”

Lisa: “Jeez, for a plum assignment, this one sure is a turkey!”

Dr. Incompetent: “Now I don’t feel so bad for screwing you over!”
HBGlord
July 9th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

FW “My diagnosis has gone from vegetables to small fruit.”

[rimshot]

“I’m here for a limited engagement, folks. Try the barium shakes!”
HBGlord
July 9th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

And now, a few more quick ones while my boss isn’t paying attention…

H&L Now Hi has gone and scared little Dot off the concept of oral sex for good.

SFox One human in the whole strip … and he’s gotta be such a douchenozzle (and by “human” i’ll exclude the Moreau experiment gone awry that be David Leopardman)! Slick Smitty does not just represent humanity in this strip — he exemplifies it.

S-M Why is this self-same storyline actually interesting when it involves the mayor of L.A. instead of a crimefighting superhero?
Islamorada Girl
July 9th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

MW: After some thought, and consulting the sermons of Jonathan Edwards, I have come to the prayerful conclusion that Chatterstone is hell, and everyone who lives there is dead, but doesn’t know it. Except of course, Mary, who is Satan’s concierge, on call 24/7 to stir the embers of Drama for the Damned™.
Trotzenbonnie
July 9th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Oh man! I feel worse than a hat without an ass.
I really and truly gave it the old Local University try but I just don’t get the Lockhorns today.
Can somebody ’splain it to me?
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070709&name=Lockhorns
t007
July 9th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

What teenage girl says “can”? It’s so crude. Everyone knows Canuckians say “Washroom”. And look at that giant bed. Since she’s so oppressed, shouldn’t she be in a single bed with a washbasin full of ice cold water that she has to break in the morning to wash her face? Buck up April.
HBGlord
July 9th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

#193: Trotz, far be it for me to accuse you of overthinking the Lockhorns, but the situation is thus: Leroy, like an ever-increasing number of people, receives his current events via the Internet. But being a creature of wearying habit, as we’ve witnessed time and time again, he still insists on treating this new media like an old newspaper, stubbornly reading it at the breakfast table.

I’m glad you didn’t ask, “What’s funny about this Lockhorns strip?” That answer is “absolutely nothing.”
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

True Fable- I just see this vid as your het-up pillow talk to LJ. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA
Jennifer
July 9th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

#81 True Fable

It’s easy to just let the foob-o-loathing take over, but I feel that April, as perhaps the only character in the strip with anything resembling a real personality, needs a bit of defending from time to time, especially when no one lets her just vent. At some point, she’ll probably crack and slay the entire family and no one will know why. “They seemed like such nice people,” they’ll all say. And “I didn’t think anything like that could happen here in Foobonia.” Though I doubt *anyone* will ever say that they were “quiet” or “kept to themselves.”
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 9th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

I can’t speak for teenage girls, but I am from Western Canada, and even up until the age of 24, I would frequently refer to the washroom as the “can”, to the point that I would have to train myself not to say “I’m going to the can” in certain situations, like on a first date for instance. It was a hard speech habit to break. That, and saying “Rock on” when I want to wish someone well.
Jennifer
July 9th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

#94 Calico

There is only one response possible to that… that link (http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/)

*rocks back and forth, dead-eyed*
“Krusty will come, Krusty will come, Krusty will come…”
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 9th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

Incidentally, nowadays I say either “bathroom” or “washroom”, but I never say “restroom”. Of course we all know that regional and generational differences exist, and it’s kind of futile to argue about which term is “right”, but “restroom” just sounds so fake and needlessly formal and obfuscatorily euphemistic.
Trotzenbonnie
July 9th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

#195 – HBGlord
Well, thank you for taking that load off my mind. I didn’t pick up any cues from the visual that it was a breakfast table – no box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs or mimosas in sight – hence my confusion.
And you’re a doll for pointing out the lack of humor — I definitely would have spent the rest of the day and a good part of the evening trying to figure out why the hell a computer on the breakfast table was supposed to be funny.
HBGlord
July 9th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

#201 — Here’s my card, Ms. Trotzenbonnie: H.B. Glordington III at your service. All comic strips and panels painstakingly analyzed. Off-site disposal free of charge.
Kronkina
July 9th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

#198 & 200 SQB: Hey, I say restroom! Or bathroom, but mostly restroom. But at least I don’t call it the head or the shitter. That’s what my husband calls it (yeah, ex-Marine).

And lord help me, I still say Rock On! God, I’m so uncool. I also say things like, “We had a rockin’ good time.” And I still say totally and awesome a lot. And sometimes I say them together.

I feel ashamed.
Kronkina
July 9th, 2007 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

Re: myself @ 203: I forgot – my husband isn’t an ex-Marine because ONCE A MARINE, ALWAYS A MARINE. Sorry.

Semper Fi!!!

(Okay, that should stave off the divorce proceedings for a while yet…)
MossMoses
July 9th, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

I had my family circus moment last week when I locked my bike to a stairway railing and the owner of the building there came out, pointed his finger one inch from my face like Toby Cameron and yelled, “You can’t park your bike here. You think you’re better than other people just because you ride a bike and you can park anywhere, don’t you”? “You think you have the moral high ground don’t you”? While moving my bike elsewhere, I just told him that at least riding a bicycle is more socially responsible than driving a gas guzzling suv. Then he really got his rant on about “There is no proof at all that global warming exists or that it is caused by human activity”. After my appointment, I returned to my bike and found that he had bungied copious propaganda from the one remaining climate scientist who refuses to accept climate change as a reality. Maybe I just need to look on the bright side of global warming, like Jeffy…
MossMoses
July 9th, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

204. RECRUIT KRONKINA, THE TERM IS “FORMER MARINE”. NOW DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME 20.
Kronkina
July 9th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

1…
2…
3…
4…

…
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 9th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

Kronkina — are you a Canuck as well, or are you from elsewhere?
Kronkina
July 9th, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

Elsewhere.

Freeport, Texas, baby! Oh, what, you’ve never heard of Freeport? Its a small town south of Houston, right on the Gulf coast.
John C Fremont
July 9th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

# 143 – I’m a little late, but that was great stuff, gh. Welcome back!

# 192 – IG, for a moment I thought you meant the Jonathan Edwards that sang Sunshine. I should get out more.
Christopher
July 9th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

205 MossMoses: There are actually a whole slew of reasons riding a bike would be more responsible then driving an SUV even if global warming didn’t exist at all.

Anyway, on to the comics:

The Lockhorns: True fact: I read today’s strip on my computer, while eating my breakfast.

Slylock Fox: What is Slick Smitty’s deal? He never really moves beyond the children’s prank stag of criminal behavior, and he antagonizes giant, man-sized animals that could effortlessly disembowel and devour him.

I think he must be very depressed.

FOOB:

“And what if you were trapped in a Viet Cong POW camp and they were shoving bamboo shoots under your fingernails, then all you’d want is to come back to Canada, even if you had no house or family!”

“Uh, I don’t think…”

“And what if you were being sucked into a black hole and you’d just gone past the event horizon and you only had a minute to live before you were stretched out into a thin strand of particles? Then you’d be thankful to just have the oxygen that’s in this house right now!”

“I don’t really think I’m ever likely to be sucked into a black hole.”

“Consider yourself lucky.”
Major Hoople's Boarding House
July 9th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

Trotzenbonnie: You think the Lockhorn’s table is bad? We’ve got two computers on our dining room table and we eat in front of each one while surfing!
True Fable
July 9th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

#196 Red Greenback – That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!
XD

#197 Jennifer – Oh, I get what you mean and I do agree. Up until the past couple of months, April was one of US, the only one who actually seemed to care about other people than herself and I was ready to defend her (and I admire your doing so, I really do.) Then Lynn had to muck it up by making her like the rest of the Pattersons.

See, that negates the whole deal and it’s not April’s fault. It’s Lynn’s for making April the strip goat. and I usually love little goats. By the way – doesn’t that picture look like one of those family portraits by Olin Mills? Anway –

I miss the days when it was easy to champion April, but lately I always double-check to make sure it’s not just Lynn in goat’s clothing.
Nina
July 9th, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

212 That is just sad……
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

Big Dog: “it was the veterinarian’s idea of a joke.” Mmmkay, I’m not the most cogent of CCers by a landslide, but WTF???
Jamus The Bartender
July 9th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

Some FOOB mediation:
“Okay, i’ve had just about enough of this…”
*looks over at Elly, who’s drinking coffee, and John, who’s playing with his Lionel set* “Elly, John, I think April feels let down by the both of you because while planning to move, she feels like she was not consulted in the moving plans,nor asked for her own opinion…John, please put down the train….I believe giving her her own car and an open-ended curfew might help the situation…but i’m a permissive liberal, so my opinion might not work for you…April* looks over at April, who’s strumming her guitar, writing a song about death and misery…* April….yes, your mom and dad may have failed to take into account your feelings, but they meant well, and you will be going off to University in two years, and not only that, real estate is still one of the most sure investments, apart from gold, and when you become grownup, you’ll be sitting on a primo portfolio when Mom and Dad finally shuffle from the mortal coil. Do you understand what i’m getting at April?* looks meaningfully at the fire ax mounted in the corridor*
Trotzenbonnie
July 9th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

#212 – MHBH
Egad! You consume your morning repast whilst surfing? How ever do you keep the toast from getting soggy?
Kaff Kaff!
fizzy logic
July 9th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

A very belated end-of-thread congrats to Squid Countess and all the other contenders! Funny stuff!

Divine O’F – to answer your New Yorker question with a question, could it be that this is a two week issue? I’ll have to go home and look at the dead tree copy, but it might be – they like to slip a vacation week in summer every once in a while.
Slither
July 9th, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

Mrs, F. — try a nice hot bowl of chicken soup. Then have a hot bath and wrap a hot towel around your head. Just don’t let us find you tooling around Chicago in a red Ferrari — we want you to get well!
Poteet
July 9th, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

# 143 — I’m late too, but welcome back with extreme prejudice, gh!
Red Greenback
July 9th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth, why you buggin’?: If you use “Jaccuzi McDude”…that’s my intellectual property! Don’t make me sic Brandow on you Karen Moy!
Cantabrigian
July 9th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

Delighted to see Lambda Legal’s sponsorship this week – they’re a great organization and their comics contest had some very clever cartoons. But I did want to point out a typo in their name — it’s missing the “b”!
Josh
July 9th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

#222 — Yipes, you’re right! I fixed.

Josh

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