The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: Weekly comments of the week edition

Hey, kids! Are you ready for the comment of the week!? You bet you are!

“Margo will be in for a surprise if she thinks that this blonde Sally Field character is going to just crumple before her in the manner of her usual victims. Look at the bewildered shock on her face there. ‘But … she’s pointing her finger at me! I don’t understand this at all! Can she do that??’” –Joe Bftsplk

And how ’bout some runners-up? You know it!

About Mary Worth: “It must be a challenge to have to think of the dullest possible conclusion to every series of events you introduce.” –Citric

“That’s some high-falutin’ language wasted on describing big trees, when meanwhile Mark talks like a slow, angry fifth grader Monday through Saturday.” –King Folderol

“Far above some hills or waters/ Proudly stands on high/ An institute of higher learning/ With buildings named for guys/ Local U, Local U/ Ever loyal we will remain/ And sing peans to our Alma Mater/ The U without a name. Go Fightin’ Vague Shapes! Yay!” –Dr. Mad

“What is Slick Smitty’s deal? He never really moves beyond the children’s prank stage of criminal behavior, and he antagonizes giant, man-sized animals that could effortlessly disembowel and devour him. I think he must be very depressed.” –Christopher

“If Crankshaft thinks that poetry is boring, he should try reading the poetry in The New Yorker. Of course, since Crankshaft is small town folk, the only New Yorker he knows is the kind he tries to hit with his bus.” –Steve S

“THAT IS NOT KARAOKE GET YOUR DEFINITIONS FROM THE DICTIONARY NOT FREE ASSOCIATION” –concrete_d

“With all that ‘girl’ business, Eva is clearly auditioning for the part of ‘Overly And Unnecessarily Sassy Friend Who Dispenses “Real” Advice Because She Has Family Issues And May Have Been Date Raped By That College Guy That One Time’ in She Said No, But He Said Yes. She’s already got the perm for it; all she needs now is a good pair of acid washed jeans and a flannel shirt.” –kat

“Dinner at a lousy restaurant, with no chance at sex? Sounds like a date to me, Dolly!” –andreavis

“Probably the most amazing thing about today’s strip is the box in the upper left corner which reads ‘Several Days Later…’ Considering the glacial pace at which things usually unfold in the MaryVerse, I can only guess that there must have been a fire at the syndicate office, and about six years’ worth of MW strips were destroyed.” –AhClem

“Obviously, Dr. Drew Cory, MD, has to put on his Elvis wig to call up women and make dates. Twenty years of intense therapy have done nothing about this fetish.” –Islamorada Girl

“Careful, you’ll spoil me by taking me to ‘Cafe.’ I hear it got four stars from Eponymous Eating Establishment Weekly.” –DaveyK

“The thing that most offends my sensibilities about this Crankshaft is neither the punning, nor the smirks, nor the deathly pallor, but rather the fact that the writer couldn’t be arsed to set up his punchline with anything remotely interesting. I mean, ‘look at the cows’? That’s it? You might as well just substitute the entire first panel with a placard that reads ‘PUN ABOUT COWS TO FOLLOW IN SECOND PANEL.’” –Darth Paradox

“I’m trying not to picture the second panel as Hekkie now living with his white-haired mother, whose social security check has supplemented his wife’s meager earnings as back-alley notary public. ‘Mother! Your incontinence is exceeded only by your lack of laundry skills!’ Wait. I guess I have pictured it.” –AeroSquid

Also in the comment department was a hilarious Zagat takeoff by faithful reader t.a.m.s.y., but I was afraid the quote marks wouldn’t really reproduce right if I put it here, and they were the key to the joke; fortunately, he went the extra mile to reproduce it in graphic form.

And, of course, the ongoing comment wackiness on this thread and others on Gail Martin’s life and times collectively deserve some kind of lifetime achievement awards. There’s even a Gail Martin wiki!

Finally, we must thank our advertisers, because that’s how Gail would want it:

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This entry was posted on Sunday, July 15, 2007 at 04:02 pm and is filed under metaposts. |

227 responses to “Metapost: Weekly comments of the week edition”

True Fable
July 15th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

Joe, you can’t represent bad luck after all if you’ve made COTW! Congratulations to you and all the runners-up!
Kip W
July 15th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

#1 (True Fable) – Joe didn’t bring bad luck to himself, only to other people: in this case, everybody who didn’t win COTW. Oh, darn the day that little guy and his black cloud showed up! And why did I hire him to guard my Faberge eggs?
Trotzenbonnie
July 15th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

Harumph! I can see that bribery is not the way to make it to the top o’ the heap on this site…..
Trotzenbonnie
July 15th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Ahhh! Premature postulation!

…….I guess you have to be brilliantly funny and witty. Congrats to all!
True Fable
July 15th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

Man, it is great to come here and converse with people who actually know comics! In the real world I would have simply gotten a blank stare for my comment.

I’d forgotten the “bad luck to others” point about Joe B.; thanks, Kip! I mostly remember as a kid, my father coming home muttering about ‘that damn Joe Bftsplk at work’ and this is the ONLY place in the past 40 years where anyone I run into is likely to even recognize the name.
Big Sims
July 15th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

Congrats to Joe and all COTW runners-up! It has been a mighty week o’ comments!
Does Josh always start a new thread after my post? Just asking…
Chris
July 15th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

Trotzenbonnie (and fond memories that brings back!), were I a single man, I’d love to buy you a beignet.

And by that, I mean…uh, never mind!

Bloody hell, people, you have all outdone yourselves! I thought the Aldomania couldn’t ever be approached, let alone topped, but the Gail Martin phenomenon is…well, phenomenal.

Well done, all!
Dingo
July 15th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

Okay, folks, the final version of the concert poster is posted along with a little something extra. Yeah, I’m a bit restless this weekend. I hope to receive some type of news tomorrow, whether positive or negative.

Oh, and to the person who asked in a previous thread, these were created using Adobe Illustrator.

Gail Martin concert poster
Wary Mirth
July 15th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

I laughed so hard I snorted coke up my nose. The liquid kind that comes in a curvy bottle, that is. Best wiki page EVER. No reference to bands, “Jughead’s Hat” “Goat Cheese Pizza”,(both Zits bands) or DeathTongue (original boingers names, with an umlaut in there somewhere.)

Topnotch. Great work, CCers.
Chris
July 15th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

#5, I use the Lil’ Abner reference all the time, and get exactly the response you do…!
Eve White/Eve Black/Jane
July 15th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

#7 – Chris
Lucky for us, beignets only come in threes.
Chris
July 15th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

#11, Eve etc., unclear on the concept here, but loving it nonetheless!
AhClem
July 15th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

Hey, my second time in the runner-up column! At this rate, I might make COTW around 2027.

Judging from the other comments, though, there was some fierce competition. Congrats to Joe and the other also-rans.
Mac
July 15th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

t.a.m.s.y. all but forced Josh to go to the photobucket.
Trotzenbonnie
July 15th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

#7 Chris
Thanks! But you have no idea what kind of a mess I can make with all of that powdered sugar. I think I still have some on Stella’s seats and visor.
t.a.m.s.y.
July 15th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

I’m honored to have made the leap to faithful readership.
True Fable
July 15th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

If the criteria for getting COTW includes the ability to make Josh blow soda pop out his nose, I’ll bet he’s had his nose re-lined with steel about a hundred times.

It’s a condition known as “Dr. Doom Nose.” It isn’t life threatening or anything like that, but I imagine the Gail Martin stuff made him sound like the Tijuana Brass doing “The Taste of Honey”.

In E flat.
The Divine O’F
July 15th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

Congratulations to all the brilliant winning snarkers, none of whom is me. Truth is, I’m in awe.

Yesterthread Spider Brick: thanks for adding more backstory about the “Duck” song. I just added even more, about the little-known fact that Gail felt Jimmy Webb stole her title (“Won’t Anyone Let the Duck in Out of the Rain?”) for the song that was later made famous by Richard Harris as “MacArthur Park.” There is some evidence for this, as earlier, unrecorded versions of Webb’s song have the title and recurring lyric, “Someone left the duck out in the rain.”

And #6 Big Sims: Josh used to always start a new thread after MY posts; but I fear I have fallen into a time warp.

#8 Dingo: Great posters! I look forward to wearing my t shirt.
Poteet
July 15th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Great snarking! Congratulations to Joe B. and all the fabulous runners-up! BWAHAHA!
Dub Not Dubya
July 15th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

Congrats to all the COTW honorees, and many thanks to everyone for the kind words a few threads back about my dad. His medical problems are an ongoing thing which, if I began to detail them, would sound like they belonged in FW. But he keeps plugging along, despite not being a Plugger (or perhaps because he’s not a Plugger–technology can be a very good thing.) I was down there (in Tennessee, where most of my family is–I live in Rhode Island) for about ten days, as my sibliings were out of town part of that time and needed someone to be around for him. I’m back home now and keeping tabs via phone. It will likely be many more weeks before he’ll be able to go home from the rehab hospital–it’s a marathon, not a sprint, as my sister says. He’ll probably be home before the next actual day begins in JP, though.

Anyway, enough of that. I don’t have any comics comments to share today but did want to thank everyone again for the good thoughts and for all of the wonderful entertainment. You rock even more than that time that Gail Martin joined ZZ Top on stage to sing “Give Me All Your Lovin’.” Hoo!

Also, Dingo, I’ve got my fingers crossed for good job news for you soon.
Moon Mullins
July 15th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

Well, to show how far out of touch I am, I posted the below in the last thread well after this COTW thread had already taken over. Excuse for the repost but I got some ’splainin to do:

Yikes! I am co-writing a textbook that I have been very lazy about, and the publisher just sent a nasty note along this week about some sort of contractual deadline. Suddenly, all work and no play, not much free time, coinciding with 600-plus comment threads! How can I possibly keep up?

But I can add two pieces of housekeeping:

I realized the other day, Josh, that you are the most famous comics snarker in the world. How cool is that — to be the #1 in the world in anything? Now, you might try and be modest and say it’s not like running the world record in the mile, but I don’t know anyone else who can claim a #1 spot. Even I, who fancy myself pretty good at whistling and humming at the same time, am probably only in the upper quartile.

Secondly from yesterthread: Trotzenbonnie, you babe! Hubba-hubba! You can’t possibly have adult children!
reader-who-posts
July 15th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

FW: Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Smirk, smirk against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Smirk, smirk against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Smirk, smirk against the dying of the light.

Spider-Man: I think Peter should retire as Spider-man. This will give him the chance to concentrate on his booming career as a photographer who takes pictures of Spider-man. Oh, wait…

BB: There is an unspoken part of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” and Sarge and Beetle need to work on. It’s really “Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t be so goddamn obvious we have to throw you out”.
Dr. Mad
July 15th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

I can’t hardly believe it. I am humbled, honored and a little ashamed to be on the list -seeing as how I mispelled paeons. Congratulations to the COTW, to all the good-looking, intelligent, witty and articulate folk both on this week’s comments list and in each and every comment thread. And especially to Josh, who reads the comics so we don’t have to, may your sight never be dimmed nor your natural force abated. [Not only your nose, but your entire digestive system must be proof against even kryptonite].
Uncle Lumpy
July 15th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

#21 Moon –

it’s not like running the world record in the mile

Running the world record makes everybody but one a loser. Comics snarking makes everybody a winner!
reader-who-posts
July 15th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

oops, thought I was hitting Preview, excuse the dual long post (but with one corrected).

FW: Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Smirk, smirk against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Smirk, smirk against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Smirk, smirk against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Smirk, smirk against the dying of the light.

Spider-Man: I think Peter should retire as Spider-man. This will give him the chance to concentrate on his booming career as a photographer who takes pictures of Spider-man. Oh, wait…

BB: There is an unspoken part of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” that Sarge and Beetle need to work on. It’s really “Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t be so goddamn obvious we have to throw you out”.
MonkeyHawk
July 15th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

I think Cafe is down near the campus of Local University, home of the Fighting Sports Teams!
Daktari
July 15th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

I just got back home,and I must share this with you. I went to Cleveland to see Bob Dylan in concert Saturday night, and before he sang “Like A Rolling Stone” he said, in that raspy voice of his,”This is for Gail, wherever she may be.” ? I might have been the only one there who caught that reference. She must have been his inspiration for that song. I just can’t believe it.
Also, did you know there is not one mention of her in the entire Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? How do we get her nominated?
Daktari
July 15th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

I just got back home,and I must share this with you. I went to Cleveland to see Bob Dylan in concert Saturday night, and before he sang “Like A Rolling Stone” he said, in that raspy voice of his,”This is for Gail, wherever she may be.” !!! I might have been the only one there who caught that reference. She must have been his inspiration for that song. I just can’t believe it.
Also, did you know there is not one mention of her in the entire Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? How do we get her nominated?
Daktari
July 15th, 2007 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

sorry about the double post, but I got an error message on the first one, when I used an interobang and not the (?)>
Brown-eyed Girl
July 15th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

Another excellent week at the snark factory. Congrats all COTWers.

Dr. Mad. Somehow I missed the school song the first time around. It rocks! (Well, not literally but you know what I mean.)

Josh’s Sunday snark has left we with a lot of disturbing questions and even more disturbing images. For example, did Dr. Drew buy sheet that color or has he just not done laundry since med school? That’s the only one I’m sharing; I need to go wash out my skull with soap.
Mack
July 15th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

On Sunday’s Spider-Man – Mary Jane, your speech bubble may say “!”, but your vaguely curling lips say “Oh Jesus, not this bullshit again.” Seriously, I think Spider-Man cries retirement at least once a week. I’m sure he weeps gently and vows to quit if there isn’t sufficient Snuggle to freshen up his costume, too.
Brown-eyed Girls
July 15th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

30. left ME with disturbing images, although I’m not ruling out some kind of dissociative identity disorder.
Nina
July 15th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

OMG! that wiki entry is so funny I almost peed my pants laughing so hard! You guys are the “bee’s knee’s”!
The Divine O’F
July 15th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

20 Dub not Dubya: Thanks for bringing us up to date on your Dad. Good wishes to you and all your family.

24 Uncle Lumpy: “Comics snarking makes everybody a winner!” Hear, hear!

And goodnight all. I have to go watch tv now.
slinkimalinki
July 15th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

should we send the makers of gil thorp the “learn to draw the human figure” link, or would that just ruin everything?
Jamus The Bartender
July 15th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook
Today’s Lesson: Alcatraz, Day One.

Greetings, Crimestoppers. To bring everyone up to speed here, after borrowing Mr. Chennux’s starship, the TARZANA NIGHTS, flying it to San Francisco to teach those hippies and Nancy Pelosi a lesson or two about not smarting off to the man in charge, Mister President God Bless America, George W Herbert Walker Bush, the California National Guard took possesion of my…I mean, Mister Chennux’s ship, arrested yours truly, and placed him in a holding cell in….guess where? Damn straight, Former Detective Dick Tracy is the sole resident of the long-closed Alcatraz Prison. I guess they figured i’d kick the asses of any prisoner in the general penal system. Makes sense, as I put most of them in there…..oh, it’s time for my meds…
Aaahhhhhhhhh…that’s more like it….relaxin’ my mind, relaxin’ my mind…….damn……..Anyway, it’s gonna be some time before the trial, just a formality, i’ll be out in no time…meantime, i’m having the time of my life in here.
No, really. You’d think i’d be crawling the walls here, but….I get three squares a day, access to the weight room, cable television, access to this lovely laptop ( they blocked all the internet porn though…ah well, ya can’t have everything), and, as i’m the only prisoner here, i’m not gonna be worried about anyone who wants to engage in marital relations of an intimate nature, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
The only down side to all of this is ….they’re still giving tours here. And guess who’s exhibit A? You guessed it. It’s not too bad, they let me have my suit and yellow hat during “showtime”….I mostly just lie on my bed while the tour guide goes on and on about “even the best of us having our flaws” bla bla bla…and I gotta lie there and look all surly. Then it’s off to lunch….I gotta tell ya, for a town of filthy liberal hippies, San Fran’s got the best restaurants around. And I enjoy some of the greatest takeout without having to deal with any of the above. The only really bad time was when one tour guide decided to be a comedian and start out with, “And this is Detective Dick Tracy of the Chicago Police Department, who has been a very, very bad boy this past week…” I don’t really remember the rest….I remember trying to smash the bulletproof glass separating us….showing the kids my wounds….ALL of my wounds….that’s when they put me on the meds.
Damn, these meds are nice. Gimme another horsepill….relaxin’ my mind….relaxin’ my mind…..
And the best thing out of all of this….
No Tess.
Whups….time for C.O.P.S. I like this show. They said I may show up on it…I think they got some footage from the spaceship crash….
Until Next Time,
Former Detective Dick Tracy
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 15th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

Nice comments this week. I always loved that restaurant guide, and am happy to see it fully Zagatified.
Dingo
July 15th, 2007 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

I’ve been trying to use the DT(GT) password to get into wiki and update the Gail Martin page with some artwork but it keeps stating that I have the wrong password. I created my own profile but it still won’t let me in. Any ideas?
Uncle Lumpy
July 15th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

#38 Dingo –

Could be somebody else is taking his time editing the page — your ears burning, Mr. Brick?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 15th, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

Dingo, the password goes the way the strip’s abbreviation goes.

It’s (DT)GT not DT(GT).
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 15th, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

Dingo, you’re one to talk. Whenever I go in to edit, it tells me “Another user (Uncle Lumpy) is editing this page and has been for more than 5 minutes (actually 57 minutes).” I keep expecting to find it doubled in length when I come back, but I have no idea what you’re doing all that time.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 15th, 2007 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

oops, misattributed. Comment 41 should begin “Uncle Lumpy, you’re one to talk.”
Uncle Lumpy
July 15th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

#42 SSB –

Sorry — actually, that may be a problem with the user interface on the wiki. I’m never on for more than a minute or two, but when I look at the edit page then navigate away, it shows me still logged in. Go ahead and steal the flag if you see me on for five minutes or more.
Big Sims
July 15th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

To Anyone More Computer Savvy Than Me (and that’s a wide wide field)
Why can’t I see the Sunday funnies on the Houston Chronicle site? Is there another collection of Comics on-line to fill in the gaps left by the oh-so-inadequate Mobile Press-Register’s two pages of funnies spliced with an ads for the “Cars DVD” and cut-rate LASER eye surgery. No (DT)GT, or Mary Worth, nee SFx.
commodorejohn
July 15th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

#44 Big Sims – First off, you can only get the color strips on Sundays at the Chron. What you do is open the comic of choice, which will show Saturday’s strip. Put your text cursor in the URL field at the top of the browser window. Select the day section of the date (the date is in YYYYMMDD format,) and increase it by one day, then hit enter. Voila!

For the comics not in color, you can find most of them at gocomics.com, which shows Sundays by default – I usually use the Chron for the color strips, though, as it has less random Flash crap to load, so it’s easier on dial-up users.

As far as I know, Gil Thorp does not have Sunday strips.
Squid Countess
July 15th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

Melkardammit!! My laptop won’t stay powered up and has to go to the shop, so I use my last battery power to say these things:

Trotz – You are further proof that all ‘mudgeon women are exceedingly attractive, and if anyone ever sees my picture, I shall be forced to leave.

SSB – I missed you, Brick! Hope the job interview went well. No point in telling me until next you hear from me, ’cause I’ll be off-line.

Dingo – Fantastic job on the shirt.

CHENNUX – So glad you’re back. Hope all is syrup and potatoes.

Dub not Dubya – Best wishes out to you.

Monkeyhawk- Where is Monkeyhawk?

COTW – Congratulations, Joe B – I tried to wipe all the chocolate smudges off the crown.

Divine O’F – My cat Dharma loves any and all iced drinks. If there’s no ice, she doesn’t care. If there’s ice, she must take as many surreptitious (sp?) sips as possible. Isn’t that odd? No, don’t answer. Wait till I get back from the Castle AAARRRrrrggh…
Uncle Lumpy
July 15th, 2007 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

44 Big Sims –

Use Dean’s Comic Linker. Set the date, click “Go”, and, er, go!
MossMoses
July 15th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

What type of work do clerk typists take home with them? Vera has some real issues if she’s such a workaholic that she can’t spare a couple of hours for an amazing whew like (Doctor) Drew Cory. “I’m sorry Drew. I like you but I’m just not typing enough words per minute. I need to spend every waking hour improving my speed and accuracy”.
Dingo
July 15th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

Okay, I’m proving that I have no life but I have updated the Gail Martin page.

Gail, we hail!
Big Sims
July 15th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

Without a doubt the best avuncular advice I’ve received in a long time. Thanks Uncle Lumpy!
lesles
July 15th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

well played, commenters, well played.

JP: that’s no ordinary evil corporate boss. mr caeser is james bond grade evil. he’s had his entire construction force gold plated! that’s hardcore.
andreavis
July 15th, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

Gawrsh, I feel so honored to be on the runners-up float again! I didn’t think I could compete with all the excellent Gail Martinologists from the other day. I’ve learned so much about the history of alterna-folk rock…
Jack Parsons
July 15th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

Slycock Fox Sunday: The man on the scale is very disturbing. Was he supposed to lose weight by cutting his legs off?

Also, in the street scene, what’s missing is Kylie Minogue.
Wary Mirth
July 15th, 2007 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

I know this is way late, but I FINALLY got my Rex Morgan spoof working. I’m missing the last strip in the series, but goldarnit, it works! http://www.freewebs.com/sexorganog/drsexorganog.htm

And yeah, I changed my posting name, because this one is more feminine. I am actually a filthy minded female, rather than male.
Trotzenbonnie
July 15th, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

Where is Red Greenback?
I’m getting worried. Who’s minding the Borscht Belt?
And only he can verify that it was, in fact, our dear Gail who penned the lyrics to ‘Hikky-Burr’.

Come in, Red. Please?
AhClem
July 15th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

#54 Wary Mirth -
You are one sick puppy! I love it! (Does that mean I’m a bad person?)
Moon Mullins
July 15th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

#54 Wary:

Sick and hilarious! Well done!

By the way, who did you used to post under?
Joe Bftsplk
July 15th, 2007 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

Holy boxcar… An honor as flattering as it is unexpected. I would have bet on any number of others over of mine, but thanks!

Seriously, the first couple of Ruby strips made me think of Sally Field with blonde hair. Speaking just for myself, this woman can invade my apartment, unpack her barbecue and snore on my couch any time she wants. She’s not putting that orange outfit of hers in with my laundry, though.
Rainbird
July 15th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

#48 MossMoses, I assume that when she said she got promoted, she was no longer the clerk typist, but some other type of underling, a go-for someting, who has to do all the work that no one else wants to do.

Perhaps that is why she has the computer tha looks as though it was thrown out years ago.
Red Greenback
July 15th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

Trotz- I’m right here you sexy thang. I left a “therapy link” for LJ yesterday, aamof.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
July 15th, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

There appear to have been some changes to the Gail Martin wiki, including a new section. Some interesting links as well…
Dingo
July 15th, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

Hmm… Gadge, for someone who said that Gail was ethereal, you seem to have left your mark on her page.
Jack Parsons
July 15th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

New Yorker cartoon caption contest is up.

3 dead smelly fish made it for the angels cartoon. Wave is not up yet. But! The new one is GAHAN F-STOP WILSON!

“Charles Addams wants his joke back.” – (cheap shot, not warranted, but as the snake said to the tranny, “It’s in my naytchuh”)

“My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” (Too cult.)

“Always mount a scratch monkey.” (Way too cult, not even widely known among nerds, but we know Gahan would like it.)

“Dr. Rat told us you would come one day.” (Again, too obscure. I highly recommend the “buy with The Fan Man” special. Kotzwinkle is a god.)
Trotzenbonnie
July 15th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

#60 -Red
Phew!
Thanks for checking in.
I don’t need any more gray hairs…….

And, my indulgent and long-suffering husband has been listening to the Gail Martin saga for the past two days He emitted his biggest guffaw in reaction to WWGD. After viewing the Wiki he said, “If the Curmudgeons could collectively rechannel this brilliance, you could cure all of the cancer in Funky Winkerbean.”
What a guy!
Dingo
July 15th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

Trotzenbonnie, I do have to say that those photos of you make you seem to be one heckuva party gal. If I were single… and heterosexual… I’d wile away an afternoon wiping beignot dust off of your shirt. The hat is just gravy.
Red Greenback
July 15th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

Trotz- Re: Hikky Burr. What actually happened. 1969; Bill and Quincy were “double teaming” Gail and that was the sound she was making. Ewww, I gotta go take a shower in Lava™ now.
Trotzenbonnie
July 16th, 2007 at 12:10 am [Reply]

#63 – Jack Parsons
Re: the New Yorker caption contest….
Howzabout this:
“Well, the monkeys couldn’t write Shakespeare for shit so we thought we’d try you chimps.”
Do you think the New Yorker will use profanity?

#65 Dingo
Yes, I enjoy a good soiree. But nobody wipes the beignet dust off …not even me. I will parade all the way down Decatur St. to Canal just covered in it. I even managed to get it on my boss bonnet.
So you’re gay and taken….at least we’ll always have Tarzana.

#66 – Red
Shower with Lava? I don’t think mainlining the pumice straight into your veins will help! Arrrggghhh!
Skulking on the Outskirts
July 16th, 2007 at 12:10 am [Reply]

Monday’s 9CL–My God, I have a filthy mind. It took me a minute to realize I wasn’t seeing what I thought I was seeing. Her hands were in plain sight the whole time. I need to go wash my brain out with soap.
Trotzenbonnie
July 16th, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

Red, please pass Skulking what’s left of the Lava….

Nite All!
Mibbitmaker
July 16th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

(Thanks to the pure evil of the “illegal operation” internet terrorism — and I’m not kidding! — these will be crappy, second-hand versions of what I wrote for Monday comics snark)

FOOB: HYPOCRITE! HYPOCRITE! The same tired old form of irony used as a crutch by the lazy — and it couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy, Prince Michael.

FW: Um…… what?? ……….uh……. what??? …… Oh, will you please just get on with it already, Batty-ick?!

A3G: Lemme guess, he’s still alive. Finally, I’ll get to say “I called it!” about a comic strip plot (outside of easy-to-guess, obvious FOOB) online.
Moon Mullins
July 16th, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

#64: Trotz:

How lucky of you to have an indulgent husband.

Whenever I mention mudge experiences — especially around other people — my wife just rolls her eyes and says “Oh not again!”

Ah, what I’d do for some indulgence!
Big Sims
July 16th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

#45 and thank you too Commodorejohn. Is that a Naval title? Please tell me there is a mudge in the DOD.
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

7/16 FC — I’d love to hear a good psychiatrist explain why the Keane wee ones are drawn so wee. No I wouldn’t.
Moon Mullins
July 16th, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

Monday Gil Thorp:
My goodness, Kaz has arms hairier than the inmate Ape in Monday’s Slylock Fox. But look at the horny stare his gal is giving him in panel 3. He is so getting some tonight!

We finally learn — no wonder she hangs around the locker room. She must love hot, sweaty, hairy sex after violent machismo. She’s the rock-and-roll Charo!
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 12:33 am [Reply]

7/16 Foob — Yet another reason to hate these people. Just watching them unpack and redecorate with such manic energy makes me tired. (I have boxes in the basement that I haven’t opened since moving in 1980.)
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 16th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

Re: New Yorker caption contest… My ideas, please critique:

“You call this anapestic tetrameter?”

“What is it with chimps and Faulkner? Can none of you write a simple, declarative sentence?”

“Yes, I’m sure she’d be flattered, but I believe Joan Embery is married.”

“No, I don’t think the committee wants another paper on the finer points of flinging poo. I need Shakespeare, people!”

“What is this — Shakespeare? You’re supposed to be writing ‘Garfield’!”

“Very good. Keep it up, and no one need ever know Stephen King is dead!”
Brown-eyed Girl
July 16th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

68. When I saw Monday’s 9CL, my thought was “GREAT WHITE SHARK GAPING JAWS OF DEATH GAAAH!”

70. FBOFW. Oh. Irony. That’s what the joke is supposed to be. Oh.
And, while I was not getting the joke, I had time to wonder how much time Michael actually spends in the kitchen. Shouldn’t Dee get to arrange her own dungeon? Maybe not. I also had time to relfect how boring I find storylines involving Michael and Dee. They don’t have a life, either one of them, not that I’ve seen portrayed in the comics page. Maybe they have a life in the FOOB letters. Don’t really want to know.

JP. So, Sophie will either persuade Sam to sell out because global warming and climate change make the winery a bad investment, or she will thwart the sale to Evil Devloper Guy by persuading his minion that global warming and climate change make the winery a bad investment, or Mullet From Hell Guy will hear global warming and climate change one too many times and beat Sophie to death with her laptop. Me, I’m rooting for this last scenario.
Mibbitmaker
July 16th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

(Okay! I like cheesy ’70s songs. Anyway, this one begged for an all-encompassing comics parody song snark. What is it with me and spoofing list songs? They really aren’t that easy. “Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me) by Reunion one-hit in 1974. The longer italicized bits are the fast-talking parts here. Y’gotta at least admire the singing there. Yikes!)

COMICS ARE OFF (But the Funny Page Stripped Me)

LuAnn Powers, Margo Magee, Ruby Wright’ll call her Maggie
Archie Laugh Unit 3000, Mary’s dull and I am drowsin’
Aldo: stalker, Charterstoners, Burber women, arty loners
Lisa Moore, they’re gonna kill ‘er, Dick Tracy is not a thriller
Squiggly girly, drunken ducky, Batiuk’s strip is kinda sucky
“Zippers, mule” and sweatshop lacky, Cathy drawing kinda hacky
Slylock Fox, Casandra sexy, “Funky” next thing: apoplexy
BC cavemen talking Jesus, from FOOBocalypse please free us
Clambake, Sally, Chinbeard, Molly, Jeffy, Billy, Barfy, Dolly

Comics are off
But the funny page stripped me
I do not mean my clothing
But the comics gypped me

Comics are off
But the funny page stripped me
The whole thing’s getting dopey
You bet your sweet bippy!

Doggy Satan, jungle saying, Kudzu preacher often praying
Charlie Brown and reruns, Rerun, FOOB is never gonna be done
Danae allegories leaden, crossing Margo: Armageddon
Calvin missing, Oh yeah, roadside, death to Gil Thorp, Apes on our side
Boat to wrestle, Linus, Lucy, Dilbert, Drabble, Grimm & Goosey
Flattop Hitler, Tiger, Irving, Cathy swimsuit, Tina serving
Snoopy, Woodstock, Lockhorns fighting, Adam working, Rodney knighting
Cosmo Fishhawk, panel border, Buxley, Patty sleep disorder
Beetle, Killer, talking bubble, Sgt. Snorkle on the double

Comics are off, but the funny page
Comics are off, but the funny page
HOOOOOOOO!!

(musical break)

Josh Fruhlinger, Uncle Lumpy, Trotzenbonnie isn’t dumpy
Mibbitmaker, Motorposus, health insurance!, Skulking Outskirts
Molly doesn’t understand it, Winnie Winkle, Dean Booth scanned it
Secret Margo, Nate Bush, Dingo, Hogen Mogen, migellito
Mark T., Ces, and Lynngineering, Bootsy, Poteet, yesterthreading
Jamus the Bartender primer, willethompson expert rhymer
Moneyhawk, Kate, and Red Greenback, andreavis, dimestore lipstick
Old Bean, gh, Echo, jokester, Other_Sally, Steve S, DarkStar
Reader-who-posts, and True Fable, Zeeba, Slither, Shannon able

Comics are off
But the funny page stripped me
I do not mean my clothing
But the comics gypped me

Comics are off,
But the funny page stripped me
The whole thing’s getting dopey
You bet your sweet bippy!

(Musical intro to “Baby I Need My Gretchen” throughout rest of song)

[spoken]Lookit — (Surrender!) They’re drawing it wrong![/spoken]

Burning Prairie, Pozzo, Ah Clem, dreadedcandiru2 a gem
McManx, comics methlab junkie, Groovymarlin, dreading “Funky”
(Dagwood, you are fiiiiired!)
Artist for-mer-ly known as Ben, Divine O’F: O’Fogeyette
Harry Paratestes, yadda, man behind the curtain, yadda
yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda…

(fade out)
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 16th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Snark… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the snarkship Curmudgeon. Its three-year mission: To ridicule strange artwork. To seek out lame plots and stilted dialogue. To boldly snark what no one has snarked before!

9CL: Rolly Church of Crete! What the Margo is with that smile? I’m going to have to stay up late and read manga so I don’t have nightmares tonight. For I have stared into Edda’s adenoids, and they have stared also into me.

Archie: Where was nerd-boy’s laptop in panel 1? Wait, I don’t want to know.

BH: Hey, I think they had that channel in my hotel room last week.

Blondie: Why is Daisy so thrilled to see Dagwood giving Blondie the old lip-and-tongue action? You’d think she’d be jealous. Daisy is the Julia of the animal world.

DtM: I had no idea Mr. Mitchell could read Vorlon.

EC: It seems like all these two do is go to concerts of aging rockers. I bet they’re Gail Martin fans.

FC: Why in the name of all that’s holy would any parent let kids that small watch “How I Met Your Mother” in the first place? Bil and Thel Keane: Worst Parents EVAR.

FBOFW: “There was one change I wanted to make to the kitchen, though… Where do you think would be the best place to put the shackle for your ankle chain?”

GA: This has crossed the line from uncomfortable borderline racism to rampant, unvarnished stupidity. How, exactly, does he plan to drop a meteor on a basketball court that’s always occupied and make it look like an accident? And even if he does, how is that going to solve his problem? A meteor isn’t a bomb; they’ll just move it off to the side and keep playing. This is the dumbest plan since the Great Bird Strike Caper of 2007. Face it, Slim; Sephiroth you ain’t.

(DT)GT: Damn, did Kaz just insert his forearm up to the elbow down that guy’s gullet? The only thing he’ll be yelling for in the near future is soft food! I hope they got a good view of the action from the observation booth behind him in panel 2.

Phantom: That gunwale’s a good 20 feet above the waterline, and Phantom vaults it like it was Mrs. Phantom on their wedding night. I think he’s part dolphin.

SFx: I seriously thought it was going to be, “Opossums don’t dig tunnels.”

S-M: That look can only mean MJ has broken the fourth wall, and is horrified to see all the comic-book fanboys beating off.

TDIET: This is what people in the 1950s thought telephones would look like today. I’m surprised there isn’t a video screen.
Joe Bftsplk
July 16th, 2007 at 2:05 am [Reply]

Spider-Man -What confuses me about Pete and MJ’s TV is the way that the faces of people appearing on it are drawn from the same viewing angle as the TV, instead of straight-on as if they were actually looking at the camera. Good examples are the June 21, July 13 and of course yesterday’s and today’s strips. Their TV must be some kind of magical box with a window on the front of it, and actual three-dimensional talking heads inside.

And the July 14 Mark Trail is like the grand finale of a really great fireworks show, with every possible thing being thrown up there at once. We have a mustached villain so belligerent that he brandishes two pointing fingers, and then all in one glorious panel we get a panicky squirrel, a talking coyote, a talking building, a shouting log for goshsake, and of course the Jack Elrod Ball. Elrod is clearly either drawing this thing specifically for our benefit at this point, or is just making fun of us now.
True Fable
July 16th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

FC “Haha kids, why don’t I interrupt your viewing of a sitcom about people talking about having sex or plotting to get some ass or moaning about getting a bad piece of ass, and let me tell you something REALLY filthy!”
GA Sadly, I expect this sort of stupidity, both from Slim and from this strip.
FW Okay, what’s her problem? Don’t tell me she’s mad because he went ahead and took her suggestion to contact his mother. Make up your mind, chick. Maybe he wanted to keep a private matter, *ahem*, PRIVATE, so butt out.
JP Naw, Keith’s going to try to sell out the winery to the Evil Corporate Guy so they can tear out the vineyards and put in a big Polluting and Manufacturing Company that produces Polluting Things. But wise and wonderful girl genius Sophie will find just the right words to convince Keith that if he doesn’t sell out, he’ll save the environment in his own way. Harmwarming string section, please, and cue the chorus to go, “Awww….!”
Jack Parsons
July 16th, 2007 at 3:09 am [Reply]

Sunday JP, panel 6: The yellow signature box appears to be a gondola on the railroad. Or the Little Shortbus In The Sky.

Mutts: Nice artwork. Art Deco Injun. If Tumbleweeds was 1/20 this good I still would not read it.

9CL: “How do you explain Thorax to your friends? After all, he has that bizarre giant bone sticking out underneath his lips. Your boyfriends is deformed! Do they all have Elephant Man disease where he comes from? Like in that Twilight Zone episode?”

Monday’s Brewster Rockit: The supply of gerbils can always be increased.

RMMD: Look, Hugh is a product of the British public schools (private boarding schools). He’s a bottom. Just like the products of US boarding prep schools, as recently disclosed in the DC madam cell numbers scandal.

Speaking of which, I need a vacation.
True Fable
July 16th, 2007 at 3:11 am [Reply]

FBoFW *sigh*.
1. WHY is Dee asking IF Elly will mind? She’s got half the wainscoating off already, isn’t it a little late to be asking that? Why not, “Do you think your mother will mind THAT we’re doing what we damn well want in OUR house that she willingly sold to us and moved out of?” Only it ends in a dangling participle and that would remind Michael to go daydream about his badly written latest novel, instead of doing honest work around the house for a change.
2. Sensitive about her feelings. Everyone is sensitive about Elly’s feelings because if she’s annoyed, she’ll throw her head back and open the Muppet Mouth and let the party favor tongue rattle out of it, and frankly Dee wants to rip that tongue out with barbeque tongs every time she sees it. Yeah, better not risk it, kid.
3. Redesigned the kitchen? Hope you just mean buy new dishtowels, because you’re already paying a mortgage and it’s a sure bet Mr. Mom isnt goig to contribute anything useful into the family kitty once his book goes on sale. Redoing a kitchen can get plenty co$tly, but I imagine Lynn thinks its a snap, the way she believes everything is a snap.
4. Michael, you want to keep everything the way it is because Mommy did it like that, and you can always pretend that Mommy will be in any minute to make it all better for you. You get to play house knowing Mommy is just right down the street within Muppet mouth hollaring distance. Changing the kitchen would mean accepting that you are an adult who needs to make his own decisions and be involved with his family, and heaven knows that is not what Michael is about. Michael is about Michael, heart and soul.
And check out the drops of sweat along his jawline. That or it’s the edge of the Michael mask Elly is wearing, to talk Dee out of messing with her “ideal” kitchen.

Lynn, I used to like Michael but you have made such an all-fire FUCKJOB out of him, I hope he dies of strangulation by Moira, who goes mad at the thought that because Elly will pressure her into it, is going to have to sell I was a Teenaged Child Bride and Killer Bitchmark: the Story of Sheilaugh Shannaussey at Lilliput’s.
Jack Parsons
July 16th, 2007 at 3:21 am [Reply]

The Gail Martin page does not mention her short-lived conversion to Christianity under the tutelage of Bob “Dylan” Zimmerman. He discovered her tattoo, and his peculiar, but understandable, confusion between Judaism and Christianity forced him to excommunicate her.
Jack Parsons
July 16th, 2007 at 3:32 am [Reply]

In Velvet Goldmine was that supposed to be Gail as Lucky Pierre in the fabled Jagger/Bowie night of passion?

BItchin’ soundtrack, btw. Anyone who covers “Baby’s On Fire” is a-1 in the Parsons world view.
True Fable
July 16th, 2007 at 3:36 am [Reply]

The Gail Martin page also doesn’t have the time she was to have joined the Traveling Wilburys. That is no surprise because she didn’t actually play any dates with them and Dylan considered her marginal since her excommunication. She got drunk just before their first recording session and joined a jazz-punk infusion band called the Traveling WildBoys, who dumped her at the side of the road because she cleaned out their booze supply. Happily, she was picked up by a small educational troupe called the Traveling Wildebeasts, where she earned her keep by cleaning up after the animals until she got to a city where she had friends. Unfortunately by then, the Traveling Wilburys considered her bad luck and Dylan refused to call her back. Orbison, Harrison – Dylan did not want to make the Late Wilburys a trifecta and to this day he blames Gail for the loss of Roy and George.
Skulking on the Outskirts
July 16th, 2007 at 4:45 am [Reply]

78, Mibbetmaker–ooh, I’m in a song parody. Thanks!

(But, Mibbet–you forgot Emperor CHENNUX! Magmacannoning alert!!)
Smallsvillain
July 16th, 2007 at 5:39 am [Reply]

“Of course, since Crankshaft is small town folk, the only New Yorker he knows is the kind he tries to hit with his bus.” –Steve S”

HA HA HA HA!!! It’s funny because small town folk have never HEARD of “The New Yorker”!! HA HA HA Because they are all uncultured neanderthals!! HA HA HA HA HA!
AppleGirl
July 16th, 2007 at 5:41 am [Reply]

Great COTWs, all. I don’t know how Josh manages to narrow down the selections, there was so much terrific material posted this week!

Dean Booth – I love the Gail Martin iPod billboard.

Monday TDIET – Yes, the message is true. However, what IS that giant… THING on the wall?

(DT)GT – Aaaaaa! Those hairy arms! And I’m not liking the fact that there’s no braid on Gail there, in the background.
willethompson
July 16th, 2007 at 6:00 am [Reply]

RMMD: Does the Sunday RMMD talk to the weekly RMMD? I mean, are they estranged or legally separated? Two weeks ago, the Sunday version had a very alive Milton waving to a search plane, while the daily has spent weeks on how plotzed Hugh can get on a single bottle of Vin Pedestrianne while Heather natters on about ‘poor, lost Milton!’ AND there was a mysterious gloved hand placing a bomb under a car hood that the daily strip has completely ignored! (Well, it LOOKED like a bomb, it could have been a thermos or some shaving cream or a friendly drive-by mechanic replacing Heather’s mass airflow sensor.)

My point is that the two RMMDs need to start talking to each other again, maybe go through counseling, before the strips take completely divergent paths and leave the secondary plot lines like Nikk/Rex home alone without supervision (see Wary Mirth’s take on the subject.)
dreadedcandiru2
July 16th, 2007 at 6:18 am [Reply]

FOOB: Why the hell does Mike want the kitchen to stay the same? Does he fear banging into things when he’s searching for his first cup of coffee? Or is Lynn putting stereotypically female dialogue into a male mouth again?

FW: Well, you can say a lotta things about Jennifer but at least she wants to see Darin find his birth mother before it’s too late. She doesn’t know that, of course, but after the fact her pushiness will seem a godsend.

9CL : GREAT!!! More ohmyGodCAT!!

Crankshaft: A throwaway gag about honeywagons that should have been thrown a damn sight harder.
Little A.
July 16th, 2007 at 6:23 am [Reply]

The only time I saw Ms. Martin in person (unfortunately I missed her concert in Central Park in 1971, I was bumming around Europe that summer), I saw her selling a box of paperback books in Strand Book Store on Broadway in Manhattan early one Saturday morning around 1980. Neal, the floor manager, had offered her six dollars for a carton of books. She yelled at him, “Six dollars for a whole box of fucking books? Six fucking dollars? Do you know w ho I am?” He yelled back, “I’d offer five if you were my grandmother! Take it or leave it!” “I’m Gail Martin!” she yelled back. “I don’t care if you’re Billy Martin! Take it or get out!” She took the money and stomped out, tossing her braid over her shoulder. As I passed by the counter I carefully peeked in the box to see what she had sold. One of the volumes on the top of the box was Great Canadian Short Stories of 1959.

You had to be there.
willethompson
July 16th, 2007 at 6:26 am [Reply]

JP: As for Sophie: I know it’s considered reprehensible to kick a crippled child, but melkarDAMMIT, if that smarmy little know-it-all doesn’t knock it off with the homework outsourcing and the preaching about global warming and telling me that my shirt and pants don’t go together, I’m gonna grab her little crutch and use her ass for fungo practice while dancing the Macarena on her laptop (and I don’t mean her computer)!
Ribinin
July 16th, 2007 at 6:30 am [Reply]

Mike wants the kitchen to stay the same, because $10,000 would barely scratch the surface of a kitchen change. More like $30,000. Worth it if you have it, but I’m guessing he doesn’t.

At least not for another 6 months when he finishes his next book. And as a published author, he will no doubt get a $50,000 advance, not to mention the royalties rolling in from the first book.

I see the kitchen remodel scheduled for 2008, followed by the obligatory post-remodel marriage counseling.
Blake
July 16th, 2007 at 6:31 am [Reply]

Monday’s Comics:

FW: I knew Funky Winkerbean would degenerate to the point where people just look sad and/or scowl at each other. No actual story necessary. Isn’t it enough knowing that everyone is unhappy with life and with each other?

FBoFW: Check out that last panel. Mike looks like a freaking blow-up doll (surprised expression and all). Or perhaps he is just being sodomized.

9CL: HOLY CRAP what is up with that mouth?!?

Mark Trail: Wow. Those commissioners are just begging for a de-hairing the likes of which even Mark Trail has never seen. This is going to get messy.
Josh
July 16th, 2007 at 6:38 am [Reply]

#76 SSB — I’m a fan of the Stephen King one, myself.

I have to admit that I think the ultimate “monkeys and typewriters” joke was done on the Simpsons years ago: “It was the best of times, it was the … blurst of times? You stupid monkey!”

Josh
DrBear
July 16th, 2007 at 7:18 am [Reply]

Just FYI: The Long Beach Press-Telegram announces its comics changes:

The surprises are that some of our “favorites” are out, including FBOFW, Mark Trail, and even Garfield.

Among the replacements: Bizarro, Get Fuzzy.

Key quote from the article: “Nothing is despised and feared more than a new comic,” he says. “They’re always stupid, not funny, idiotic.”

“I remember when B.C. started in ‘58. We’d get calls saying ‘What’re those things supposed to be? Hoboes? Bring back Buz Sawyer!”

“Dennis the Menace? People rioted when we dumped Grin and Bear It for a panel about a kid who spends all his time breaking the old man next door’s window and tripping his father.”
LightSyrup
July 16th, 2007 at 7:32 am [Reply]

On GT: Crap. Bob is a man?! I thought that was an older woman wearing large pearl earrings all this time. What’s up w/his ear lobes, then, seriously?
Gabe
July 16th, 2007 at 7:33 am [Reply]

72 Big Sims: I’m DOD, for what it’s worth. Navy even.
Allie Cat
July 16th, 2007 at 7:37 am [Reply]

TDIET – I e mailed Josh to let him know, but Allison Everett of Nashville, TN is really… Allie Cat of the ‘Mudges! I’ve been published! Take that Michael Patterson!

I have my autographed copy at home, and I’ll be bringing it in to the office tomorrow to hang over my phone, which is much, much smaller than the one in the cartoon.
alamo
July 16th, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

rmmd — slip hugh some poison in that coffee heather and show him you do know something about business!!
AhClem
July 16th, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

JP – Sophie is going to Save The Day. She is to JP what Wesley Crusher was to ST:TNG — and equally as annoying.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

/e waiting for the next post. DURN NUR NUR NUR UR DUR NUR NUR NUR NUR!

/e waiting to comment most. DURN NUR NUR NUR UR DUR NUR NUR NUR NUR!

/e singing Gail Martin. DURN NUR NUR NUR UR DUR NUR NUR NUR NUR!

/e death metal Martin. DURN NUR NUR NUR UR DUR NUR NUR NUR NUR!
Tweeks_Coffee
July 16th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

7/16

‘Shaft: Boy, The Paper sure does have interesting reports. After all, who wouldn’t want to read an article about sewage trucks and their values?

DT: They aren’t the bad guys? Well then, I guess it’s a good thing Tracy didn’t go ahead and kill them as he’s so apt to do. Obviously we all saw the twist of Tracy being dressed as the Baron from a mile away, but this one did catch me a touch off guard. Though I knew this arc was ending way too soon so that meant that there would be something else coming.

GA: I didn’t think it was possible, but this strip gets stupider every day.

(DT)GT: Awesome Gil Throp strip? or Awesomest Gil Thorp strip!? It starts of with Kaz’s girlfriend apparently falling over sideways in sheer shock and surprise while the random patron behind her seems to yelling her order at someone. Maybe she’s just trying to converse with Walter Cronkite and there’s too much commotion going on. Kaz then proceeds to to plant his arm up to the elbow in this guy’s mouth or sinuses, possibly both. Then to top it off, we get the close-up of Kaz and his hairy arms looking more Wolverine-esque then ever before. That topped off with the obvious presence of his pearl earrings really make that a spectacular panel.

JP: Holy crap! Look at that house and land there. That thing’s a freaking mansion sitting on what seems to be 1,000 acres or so.

MW: Is it really necessary for him to refer to himself as “Dr. Drew Cory”? It’s as if he’s worried he’ll forget his name.

PBS: I find it a bit odd that the she-goat there isn’t wearing any clothes while Goat has on a shirt and tie. I know the various states of animal undress shouldn’t even register after reading Slylock so much, but it still does.

SFx: I’m a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see this Patrick Opossum fellow. Of course normally he would’ve been long gone, but this Slylock, where the criminals like to hang around the scene of the crime.
Dean Booth
July 16th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

My New Yorker entry:
“No, I will not accept your letter of resignation!”

I’m with Josh about the Simpson’s monkey line. Whenever my son gives me a paper to edit, I say “It was the blurst of times?!??”

Congrats to all the COTW floaters! Much funnier stuff than all the NYer finalists.
mere cog in the machine
July 16th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

FBOFW: I don’t know – and I don’t really want to know – anything about Mike and Dee’s sex life, but I’m pretty sure it involves diapers, lollypops, and rattles.
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 8:31 am [Reply]

78. That was one of my favorite songs growing up Mibbit….that was really nice…thank you.
Showed it to Dick in the slammer….he saw his name, tried to come up with his own song, but it was mostly “Fuck Governor Arnold, Fuck Tess, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck” over and over again.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

107 (jamus) – I checked your 360 page. Do you know people at VT, or are you just sympathetic.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 16th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

7/16

Crock: The sun is half-eaten and the sky is filled with “Ballard Street” narration. Read Revelations, people.

Lockhorns: John Reiner forgot to draw a shiner on Loretta’s eye. Or are we looking at the wrong side?

Marvin: Is actually reminding people that he’s been a baby for about eight generations of TV show.

FC: If I were a parent, I’m not sure I’d want my kids watching Neil Patrick Harris as a jovial clinical sex addict. As a kid, I’m pretty sure I’d pick that over Big Daddy Keane’s fuzzy reminiscence.

GA: Slim’s anti-hoops scheming has gone from “kind of offensive” to “WTF.” Someone’s selling a large crash-able meteor on eBay? Better hurry up before the James Bond villains start bidding.

GT: In a grand show of strength and speed, Kaz knocks the obnoxious drunk down with only half an arm.

S-M: “Hey, MJ, speaking of blowing over…”
“I’ve had a long day, Peter.”

Shoe: It’s funny because he loathes his wife.

MW: Dr Drew either lives or is staying in an Extended Stay America. Or Joe Giella can’t draw personalized living spaces.

RMMD: And how did they manage to bleach ALL the color out of the kitchen, anyway?

DtM: Enigmatic smile on Henry. “My bratty son and his unnatural friend get washed away in a sea squall? Oh well, easy come, easy go.”

9CL: I’m as into seeing Edda in the tub as the next guy, and a healthy percentage of women. That said, DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT EXPRESSION ON HER FACE? THE HORROR!
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 16th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

#100,
Big ups, Allie Cat. You need the big phone for the full Scaduto experience.
SatanicMechanic
July 16th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

9cwl: Brooke, you may insist constantly that Edda is sexy and everyone wants to kiss her, but those teeth are seriously not turning me on! Whatever mood you were trying to capture it turned into “Zombie in a Bathtub”. And now my coffee don’t taste too good.
Plasma
July 16th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

There’s something that a lot of newspaper comics do that really grates on me. Today’s Non Sequitur does it. Archie is guilty of it almost every day. Funky Winkercancer and/or Crankshaft (it has already been established that I cannot tell the two apart) do it often. There’s usually at least five comics that do it on any given day. I’m not entirely certain how to describe it. Another example I just made up: “I just flew in from San Francisco.” “Aeroplane?” “No, I just flapped my arms really hard.” It grates on me not because it isn’t funny (though it usually isn’t), but because nobody talks like that. Interrupting somebody or prompting somebody who has trailed off to draw an obvious conclusion (the purported humour lying in that the actual answer is not the same as the obvious answer), nobody does that. “These things I’m wearing on my feet don’t fit very well.” “Shoes?” “No, ferrets.” In short, I have never heard anybody in real life talk like that. But it’s so ubiquitous on the comics page.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

# 112 Plasma – “I talk like that.” “In real life?” “No, in comics.”
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

108. Sympathetic. My then-girlfriend passed it on to me. I should probably delete it, huh?
Plasma
July 16th, 2007 at 9:04 am [Reply]

109: Artist formerly known as Ben: “FC: If I were a parent, I’m not sure I’d want my kids watching Neil Patrick Harris as a jovial clinical sex addict. As a kid, I’m pretty sure I’d pick that over Big Daddy Keane’s fuzzy reminiscence.”

Since FC isn’t on my regular reading list, I read this before I went to take a gander at FC. And I was wondering really hard how Family Circus could possibly have worked a reference to Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle in. It’s the ultimate stoner flick, the FC parents are far too conservative to let their kids watch anything like that for at least fifteen years yet. What is the story behind this, I wondered?
But no, it turns out that Neil Patrick Harris has, in fact, played at least two jovial clinical sex addicts. I’m basing this conclusion entirely on what you read here and trusting in my accurate recollection of the name in HaKGtW, which is the only thing I’ve seen him in. Of course, I hear he was chosen for the role in the movie precisely because until then he had a vanilla reputation as the last person you would expect to be a stoned, drunken sex fiend.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

# 114 (Jamus) – Yeah, It’s be like having a 9/11 thing still. Personally, I am so fucking tired of seeing that shit. If it has just happened, or if you lost someone, then go ahead. But just trying to show you are sympathetic is a crime, in my HO. I have friends around that area, and even they don’t talk about it as much. They feel so removed from the incedent.

It’s nothing we should really rally behind. It’s not like the perpetrator was trying to get “America”. It’s just the news playing things up because it sells. To me, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I wish it wouldn’t have made any money. I don’t think it was worth the lives of people I know…

I dunno, that sorta thing just bothers me. I guess I am overreacting.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
July 16th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

The Gail Martin page got seriously weirded-out for a while (as in: type explosion), so I reverted it to the last non-monkey-typed version. I hope I didn’t kill anyone’s legit contributions…

Monkey cartoon caption: “With all due respect, no, I don’t think Michael Patterson would fling his own poo.”
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

#117 Maybe the Gail Martin wiki should reference the different posts to make it more authentic. That way, we know where the stuff comes from.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 16th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

#112, Plasma,
I thought you were going to complain about the overdone Northeast Kingdom accent.
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

116. I hear ya….i’m just not that good at updating my profile is all….my picture is five years old.
Bootsy
July 16th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

Mibbit put me in a song! Yay!

Big Sims, come home soon!
Major Hoople's Boarding House
July 16th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

FOOB – Wait a minute. Why does Deena has the hairlip? It’s suppost to be Sha-non, right?
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

120 I don’t keep profiles for that reason! Hah, i get asked “Do you have any pictures of yourself” on puzzle pirates (see the link on my name for more about PP), and I am like “Yeah, from like, forever ago. I will get an updated one” and I never do.

I also always ask “You want me in drag, or normal?” And usually send the opposite of whatever they ask for. It’s a good time.
AhClem
July 16th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

I notice there is nothing on the Gail Martin page about her personal life — schools, marriage(s), children, etc. Is she really that reclusive, or are those tidbits still to come? (I’d do it myself, but I’m at work on the taxpayer’s dime and they are funny about that sort of stuff).
Rainbird
July 16th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

112 Plasma. Yes, I agree. Overboard does it all the time, and I find it annoying. I love your ferrets on your feet. Made me laugh.

117: Gadge, I like your catpion better than mine. Mine was “That’s Milton, not Shakespear, try again.”

and #90 willethompson yes, yes. I too saw poor Milton in the water too. How long does it take for the word to get to the RMMD site that he has been spotted? And when will the bomb go off?
sally
July 16th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

That wiki page is brilliant — thanks, whoever wrote it!
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

#124 (AhCl) Seeing as I a tax payer, I give you permission to work on Gail. It is so much more important. Well. I guess this is really my first year being an actual tax payer (I am now 18!)

One thing I learned working in an office is everyone loves a young person. I have no idea why. It’s like, I can be myself, and the loud, witty person I am, and no one has called me a fag.

WOO HOO!

Well.. then again, I haven’t dressed up much here. I wonder if that all changes if I come in in my best Debbie Harry outfit.
I’d have to go back to saying “Don’t mess with me, there is nothing tougher than a teenage dragqueen!”
Cornwhacker
July 16th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

The Gail Martin Wiki is a thing of beauty. Did all this really spring from from a measly one-panel appearance in Gil Thorp? Do we have a name for this phenomenon? Tarzanamania?

97: Okay, now I know I’ve been spending too much time at this site. The article starts off with a quote from Woodrow Wilson, and I automatically think they mean JP/RMMD writer Woody Wilson.

100: Congrats, Allie Cat. Speaking of cats, did you check out meatball.com? Although it’s supposed to be an e-mail address so maybe I should be asking if you reached anyone at me@tball.com…
fizzy logic
July 16th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

I knew that FOOB would bring us back to the Prince of Purple Prose before too long. I was just hoping it was later, rather than sooner.

What is with the DRAMA in A3G’s first panel this morning? Directed with all the subtlety of a silent film director, Nora is chewing scenery all the way down to her fainting couch. Dinner theater – don’t forget to tip your waitress!

And Divine O’F – did you see Google has a guest appearance in Heart of the City today?

Funny Comments of the Week, people! Congrats, as always!
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

I love the “GAL!” Part on the Gail Wiki. Atlas Shrugged is one of my favourite books, and I’m glad I’m not the only person still alive who has read it.
Dingo
July 16th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

Okay, again proving that until I hear from either venue I have no actual life, I’ve updated the Gail page with a paragraph about iconic mythologies and then placed all of the comments from this site about Gail beneath it. The bad thing is that the wiki text editor removed paragraph markers and some other items. I had to go in and italicize items again.

Oh, and some of you need to invest in spellchecking software.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

131 I think if people work on Wiki’s, they don’t ever use spell check. I spent most my days on Wikipedia editing people’s spelling. Which is sad, seeing as I cannot spell worth beens.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

I thought I might consult you good people, but would anyone oppose me doing a drag version of Gail Martin in public in hopes to raise attention (for both her and me). I will sing, dance, and tell jokes. Kinda like Hedwig and the Angry Inch style.
commodorejohn
July 16th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

9CL – I know what’s supposed to be going on here, but I’ve never seen someone laugh that hard from being tickled. Which of course leads me into wild speculation as to what’s actually happening.

A3G – “No, actually, he just called me. That whole ‘lost in the Himalayas’ thing was a ruse to cover up the fact that he’s living with a pair of prostitutes in Thailand.” Also, Nora gives the most transparent expository sentence ever. And she’s “hoped for” this day? This just makes no sense.

Archie – Finally, a joke that the ALGJU3K fully understands the point and nuances of!

Crankshaft – “The Paper.”

Crock – Okay, the gag is stolen from The Far Side, but it’s one of the rare occasions where Crock makes sense and is funny, and I really like the way this particular strip is set up, with the narrative setup placed in the sky.

DT – “That whole kidnapping and prisoner exchange thing was just a big misunderstanding. Honest!”

FC – “See, forty years ago, there was this concert called Woodstock, and I was out in the mud with some w-er, tobacco, and she was wearing n-er, a lovely dress…”

FOOB – Aaaand here we go with the territorial pissings plot. What’s hilarious is that we’re going to get treated to a full hatchet job on Deanna until she submits and goes back into Robot Mode, despite the fact that she’s bothering to ask if Great Goddess Elly would mind. How dare you try to change that which has been touched by the hand of the Goddess, Dee!

FW – All Misery, All The Time. Why is she scowling? Has she discovered the P.O. box where he receives his import Japanese tentacle porn?

GT – Speaking of spatially baffling, I love the second panel, where it seems that the drunk has a Face of Holding, into whose extradimensional storage space 80s Frankenstein has shoved his entire forearm. Panel one is good too, with Black-Haired Lady being drawn at an entirely different angle than the rest of the scene.

H&L – Either Trixie is profoundly amnesiac, or she does something more during the day than the napping in the sun we see all the time.

JP – Geek girl! Too bad she’s like 12.

Luann – Wow. A genuinely funny Luann strip.

MF – One of those days where I have to agree with Tinsley.

MT – The comissioners don’t seem to understand that slander involves making false claims to the public.

MW – If he’s a doctor, why hasn’t he diagnosed himself with missing elbows?

RMMD – No. No it’s not. Mean, yeah. Unethical, possibly. Criminal, no.

SF – Pitfall!

Edison Lee – furthers pointless and inaccurate gender stereotypes and suggests that men undergo sex changes to improve their abilities. The point to this strip remains in an undisclosed, secure location.
MonkeyHawk
July 16th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

#112 — Plasma:

I think I might steal your “These things I’m wearing on my feet don’t fit very well.” “Shoes?” “No, ferrets.” and enter it in the New Yorker cartoon caption contest.

You’re right that no one in real life talks like that, but it was a staple of Jack Webb’s diatribes during the second incarnation of “Dragnet.”

Or, as Johnny Carson and Webb demonstrated:

Johnny Carson: There’s been a robbery.

Jack Webb: Yes sir! What was it?

Johnny Carson: My clappers!

Jack Webb: Your clappers?

Johnny Carson: Yeah you know those things inside a bell that makes them clang.

Jack Webb: The clangers?

Johnny Carson: That’s right! We call them the clappers in the business.

Jack Webb: A clapper caper.

Johnny Carson: What’s that?

Jack Webb: Nothing sir! Now can I have the facts? What kinds of clappers were stolen on this clapper caper?

Johnny Carson: They were copper clappers.

Jack Webb: And where were they kept?

Johnny Carson: In the closet.

Jack Webb: Do you have any idea who might have taken your copper clappers from the closet?

Johnny Carson: Well there is. Once I fired a man and he swore he’d get even.

Jack Webb: What was his name?

Johnny Carson: Claude Cooper.

Jack Webb: You think then?

Johnny Carson: That’s right. I think Claude Cooper copped my copper Clapper kept in a closet.

Jack Webb: You know where this Claude Cooper is from?

Johnny Carson: Cleveland.

Jack Webb: That figures.

Johnny Carson: What makes it worse is that they were clean.

Jack Webb: Clean copper clappers? Why do you think that Claude Cooper would cop your clean copper clappers kept in your closet?

Johnny Carson: Only one reason.

Jack Webb: What’s that?

Johnny Carson: He’s a kleptomaniac.

Jack Webb: Who first discovered the copper clappers were copped?

Johnny Carson: My cleaning woman Clara Clifford!

Jack Webb: That figures. Now let me see if I got the facts straight here. Cleaning woman Clara Clifford discovered your clean copper clappers kept in a closet were copped by Claude Cooper a kleptomaniac from Cleveland. Now is that about it?

Johnny Carson: One more thing. If I ever catch kleptomaniac Claude Cooper from Cleveland who copped my clean copper clappers from the closet….

Jack Webb: Yes?

Johnny Carson: I’ll clobber him.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

Dingo, If I stole your lock, would it mean your edits to the Gail wiki would be lost? I wouldn’t want to do that to you!
The Divine O’F
July 16th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

Credit Where Credit is Due, long, post-coffee edition

46 Squid Countess: I know that you are beautiful. Do not protest. Re your cat: Dharma must have been taking lessons from Tasha and Sammy, our number one and two cats. They both adore ice. They insist on it in their water bowl, and go tearing into the shower if I yell “Ice!” because they know I will dump ice for them to lick. Sammy has learned to like coffee from licking the ice in my iced coffee. Now she’ll drink it straight.

Gail Martin and Dingo: the Wiki entry keeps getting better and better, and I will stop fighting with whoever keeps changing the title of the “Duck” song. The links are beyond great. Whoever put up the link to Dick Cheney deserves a medal. If I hadn’t finished drinking my coffee I would have spewed it all over my laptop.

54 Wary Mirth: OMG, that is brilliant! Also very funny and disgusting. And btw, who did you used to be?

63 Thanks, Jack Parsons! I forgot about the New Yorker contest! I’ll look at it in a while. Between the London Sunday Times puzzle, Gail Martin’s wiki, and the daily hundreds of posts, CC is turning into a full-time occupation.

78 Mibbitmaker: I love it! It’s great that you included Tina, who is too often overlooked here. And I’m honored that you used BOTH of my noms de blog. Unless you think I am two people.

93 Willethompson: Bravo to your comments about Sophie. I feel the same way, except that I would personally put it in a kinder and gentler fashion.

100 Allie Cat: Mazel tov!

129 Fizzy: Thanks for the alert! I will check out Heart of the City as soon as I post.
PeteMoss
July 16th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

After Bob ejects a drunken lout…watch out.
After Bob orders a plate of veal…get real.
After Bob reveals a hairy arm…alarm!
After Gail sings out ‘Tarzana Nights’…it bites.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 16th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

Re: the Gail Martin wiki: I would like to break the CC comments out into a separate page, linked from the sidebar, in order to keep the top page “clean” of fourth-wall stuff, to preserve the illusion of reality. Does anyone object?
The Divine O’F
July 16th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

135 Monkeyhawk: 1.) I’m glad to see you back. 2.) Clap! Clap! Clap!

139 Spider Brick: What do you mean “the illusion of reality.” It is all real. But I have no objection.
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

JP — I don’t recall anyone else mumbling about this, so here goes. Since global warming keeps being brought up in this strip, I’d like to know just what happened in that vineyard when “65 more acres were brought into production,” as reported a couple of Sundays ago. Were those 65 acres previously planted in another crop, or did the vineyard managers bulldoze 65 acres worth of native oak woodland to expand the vinyard, as has happened often in northern California? If the latter, I hope an earthquake will kill everybody involved. In fact, I hope that anyway.
Plasma
July 16th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

#135: Monkeyhawk:
Feel free, and good luck with it :)
Professor Fate
July 16th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

FOOB: God in heaven was that depressing to look at – Mike saying ‘I want it the way mommy had it always’ – with his wife going into the 10,000 yard stare rather than deal the reality that she is married to a self-centered immature emotional midget . It’s a good thing with national heath care those anti-depressiants that she pops in her mouth like chicklets are affordable.

FW: Hello? What? Too lazy to write words? Can we have a hint?
willethompson
July 16th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

I can’t believe that there wasn’t a ‘Mudge hand in this, but if you go to the Tarzana, CA Chamber of Commerce site, you’ll find this:

Patty Mcmanus of the Tarzana Community and Cultural Center’s husband Chris was pressed into service behind the bar that had been set up in the Gazebo and while the Coy gently drifted through the large waterfall pond behind him, he expertly doled out beer and wine to the guests. At one point we were running dangerously low on beer until someone found out that the Kiwanis Club had a secret stash hidden in a closet which we of course “liberated.” We left them a shiny nickel and a note that said “Much Love from TCC.” Also Patty made sure the leg manacles on her husband Chris the bartender’s ankles were not to tight so he could move a little bit(contrary to what he was saying) and he was allowed one bathroom break..which many of us felt was far to lenient.
smacky
July 16th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

MW: I wonder if identifying yourself in the third person (a la Bob Dole) helps you cope with rejection by separating yourself from the “dumpee.” If so, I wish I’d known that trick in high school.

The only way to make today’s strip better would be for Dr. Drew Corey to be speaking those words aloud, as if he were narrating his own life. And while we’re at it, have him wearing just a towel. Why not?
The Divine O’F
July 16th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

Pibgorn: WTF?

Note: I just added “Heart of the City” to my comics subscription. I hadn’t realzied Google was one of its characters.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 16th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

#145 Smacky — I very recently learned a word I never knew before. Referring to oneself in the third person is illeism.

Today’s comics:

Peanuts is interesting, particularly for those of you who also read Josh’s pieces about political cartoons at Wonkette. I’m also reminded of this 2004 Onion article.

Wizard of Id, first panel: “How come he never buys a round?” Um, how about BECAUSE YOU’RE ADOLF HITLER! Seriously, check out that guy’s hair, eyes, and mustache!
CrashCat
July 16th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

After reading just one page back from the front page here and finding a link to Peter Parker admitting to being Justice Guy! I think that someone is going to have to sue the strip for plagiarizing itself. He can just go make some money on the side doing movies again while the cruel media mogul’s awful city descends into acrobat-less chaos.
Bootsy
July 16th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

# 100, Allie Cat, way to go! The curminion domination continues.
stinky pete
July 16th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

147 SQB, stinky pete did not know that word.

GT: “Nobody expects Bob Kazinski… I’m half bouncer, half lineman, half hairy ape… no, I’m 1/3 bouncer, 1/3 lineman, 1/3 hairy ape, and (given how short my arm must be in Panel 2), 1/3 alligator… no, I’m 1/4 bouncer…. I’ll start again….”
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

# 100 — Congratulations, Allie Cat! I read that TDIET last night and thought “Hey, for once I can identify! Except that the phone looks like an antique intercom and the vanishing spiderwebs look absurd, and so does the guy, of course.”

# 146 — Divine, great idea. I think PIBGORN should officially become PIBGORN WTF? Maybe Drusilla is about to meet a unicorn who will sympathize with her being a totally unappreciated musician, put down and put-upon by all the hostile soulless utterly boring drones who are not artists.
Winnie Winkle
July 16th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

BB-It took me ten minutes to figure out what the hell was going on. Then I spotted what appeared to be a banana peel.

GA-I am now convinced that they should stop publishing this strip immediately as they have run out of ideas. BUYING A METEORITE ON EBAY!
Kate
July 16th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

A3G: Good God, that was the crappiest exposition ever. I am in awe.
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

9CL — I may not have much company in this, but I wish Brooke would start another web comic, this one entirely about cats. Humans could be included only if they kept their mouths shut. No aliens, no unicorns, no fairies, no pontificating, just lots of cats and select silent humans. I predict that such a strip would have a small but fanatically-devoted fan base.
One-Armed Bandit
July 16th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

FOOB: “But…I’ve always liked [the kitchen] the way it IS!”

Translation: “Mommie Dearest buried all the bodies of those who’ve crossed her under the sink, and if you unearth them it’ll be a ‘grave’ mistake.” (cue open-mouthed laugh, erect tonsil in middle)
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

A3G — Actually, I might buy a teeshirt with that particular forehead-intensive image of Nora and “*Gasp*…My husband!” above her. Too bad the copyright laws won’t ever allow such a shirt to exist.
Calico
July 16th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

#102 I thought Sophie previously sid she was going to “let the figures speak for themselves” – but today she’s starting a very annoying little Q & A game with Mullethead.

FC – Oh, God, make it STOP!
This strip is going down a very eeewy slope.

3G – Do we have a “Tommy” redux here?
Maybe this whole fiasco will make our Margo deaf, dumb, and blind.
Nah, I wouldn’t like that-Magee IS the strip.
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

# 154 — However, the silent humans would be allowed to assume various states of undress, as long as the undress applied to both sexes. That mght increase the fan base a little.
Calico
July 16th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Said, Sid, Not Sid as in Sid Caesar, the Construction Mogul.
Said Sid, “I’m Sad.”
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

# 158 — Might, not mght. Geez.
Dr. Mad
July 16th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

The wiki page is simply fantastic. Not only is it brilliant in and of itself, but I can use it to demonstrate to my Local U. students why they shouldn’t use Wikipedia. Thanks, these are happy days. #133 Nate – Don’t know about the others, but I say go for it. You don’t want to Foob-out – [defined as settling for the safe, known and comfortable]. It’s lots better to be a little rueful over an inspired bit of personal madness than regret not having lived out your dreams/potential. Especially if you use the Debbie Harry outfit & voice – I’ve had many happy minutes meowing along with “Heart of Glass” [I found actual cat sounds, which I do very well -I mean cats actually answer me- fit it perfectly].
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

161 (Dr. Mad) Well… I love Wikipedia. And it is very good when you follow the rules of using references for putting in facts. But you have to check them if you are going to put them into a paper for school. I use it to find good references for my assignments. Never failed me. People just don’t know how to use it!

As for meowing along with Heart of Glass, when I sing that in drag, I don’t even really sing. I actually just kinda meow. I found it seems more authentic and people pay more attention. When you just sing it with words, people look at you thinking “What song is that?”

Of course, I always interupt whatever I’m singing if someone acts all mean and haterish. Then I break into “One way or another”. Making eyecontact with them the whole time.

I have seen Debbie in concert, and she is amazing. And I will never FOOBout.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

Waiting
backup singers sing ‘waiting’ behind his song
Waiting on the Josh to post..

I said I’m waiting
Again with the backup singers
Waiting on the Josh to post…
Klipper
July 16th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

(dt)gt: Holy cow! In that last panel … It’s like Teen Wolf and Wolverine had a love child and dressed it in pearl earrings.
willethompson
July 16th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

#156 Poteet: Wellllllll, not legally….wink, wink, nudge, nudge…
Bootsy
July 16th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

9CL: Oh my effing Zeus! Please never open your mouth again. Shit, are those pointy little teeth? That is horrid.

On a happier note, Phantom’s stripey ass is on full display. Aaaaah…
That's The Spirit
July 16th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

“And sing peans”

paeans, surely? Though I do like the idea of singing peans.
queek
July 16th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

159: Sad?

Sid: Si’.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

164 Klipper

I have a funny story about that! This one time, me and my guy at the time were alone and…
Dingo
July 16th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

Dr. Mad, I agree with you. Right now I’m not teaching… and I was just informed that the decision on Tempe will take at least two more weeks… but this serves as an excellent reminder about source material. What I’ve really found fascinating is that the first Gail Martin references all reference her music or concert appearances. I’ve just seen a new paragraph added that attempts to put a psychological perspective on her tween years (and fails miserably). Gail is becoming an object of pathos – not unlike Kevin Costner’s career – instead of a wild child whose libertine actions helped free a nation from ennui.

Reminder: going to a Gail Martin concert is not like shelling out money to see Judy Garland late in her career and hoping she’ll fall off the stage. Gail is a survivor. She beat the suits, she’s survived Napster, the Kitty Kelley book, and the assassination attempt by Linda Ronstadt. Embrace the serpent!
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

170 Remember, Dingo, that Gail also has battled being an addict and an alcoholic for most of her life. She is clean and sober now, but she wasn’t always. There was a time when you’d go to see her fall off the stage, but now she is elegant and poised.
Brown-eyed Girl
July 16th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

GT — Maybe that’s not hair on Bob’s arms. Maybe that’s streaks of blood and shreds of intestines. I mean, if he went to all the trouble of shoving his arm down Faceless Guy’s throat, shouldn’t he also have ripped out his innards? WWWD? (what would Wolverine do?)

RMMD- The perspective in the last panel makes me kind of dizzy. It looks like all the kitchen counters are about to slide forward and crush Heather and Hugh against the inside of my comupter screen.

Lio — I’m no geologist, but judging from the teeth Lio has Edda’s skull. Good boy!
The Divine O’F
July 16th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

New Yorker contest: my favorite entry so far is Spider Brick’s first: “You call this anapestic tetrameter?”

Here is my first attempt:
“Excellent work, Merton. Keep this up and you can have the antidote.”

I hated the angel/cop finalists. I’m not even going to vote.
Joel
July 16th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

(DT)GT 7/14–
Sure it would be easy to look at the second panel of today’s Gil Thorp and conclude that drunken Gail Martin concert goer was deep throating Bob’s arm. I mean we’ve all found ourselves in a mood for experimentation after hearing just the right live rendition of Tarzana Nights. But I think this explanation fails to place it in the context of Thursday’s Walter Kronkite/Vincent smack down. I think one of two possibilities is more likely: either everyone in Milford has telescoping arms, a condition evolved to meet the needs of Milford’s unpredictably warping spacial dynamics or Kronkite/Price sawed off Bob’s arm up to the elbow and had it surgically implanted in the middle of his own as an extension.
Now if anyone cares to explain the horizontal monstrosities hovering below Bob’s face in panel three, I am all ears.
Major Hoople's Boarding House
July 16th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

#144 willethompson wrote

I can’t believe that there wasn’t a ‘Mudge hand in this, but if you go to the Tarzana, CA Chamber of Commerce site, you’ll find this:

Patty Mcmanus of the Tarzana Community and Cultural Center’s husband Chris was pressed into service behind the bar that had been set up in the Gazebo and while the Coy gently drifted through the large waterfall pond behind him, he expertly doled out beer and wine to the guests. At one point we were running dangerously low on beer until someone found out that the Kiwanis Club had a secret stash hidden in a closet which we of course “liberated.” We left them a shiny nickel and a note that said “Much Love from TCC.” Also Patty made sure the leg manacles on her husband Chris the bartender’s ankles were not to tight so he could move a little bit(contrary to what he was saying) and he was allowed one bathroom break..which many of us felt was far to lenient.

Why do you think Tarzana Nights was her biggest hit?
Brown-eyed Girl
July 16th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

New Yorker caption contest: “No, you can’t have an Apple.”

173 The Divine O’F. I like your first effort very much.
Cedar
July 16th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Why is Darin’s girlfriend so upset in FW? She’s the one who encouraged him to find his birth mom.
Trilobite
July 16th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

Monday morning comics, whoo hoo!

9 Chickweed Lane: If the Joker is going to kill off characters on the comics page, couldn’t he have injected Edda with Jokertoxin during the unicorn story? Or at least started with Cathy? Scariest panel of the day, hands down.

Dick Tracy: I could’ve sworn they were handcuffing Red Aurora the Eastern Bloc terrorist last week…maybe his arms were just too ludicrously short to be cuffed. Seriously, look at those things, he can’t even reach his own pockets. Meanwhile, the plot has again decayed into a fever dream…now the evil Gretchen-napping terrorists with the guns who didn’t want to shock the poor old Baron into a heart attack are actually the good guys, out to save America from the evil Baron, who is…hailing a taxi! The cad! Will his reign of terror never end!

Gil Thorp: Kelly is SO turned on right now, she’s probably going to jump him right there in front of the yodeling girl in the corner booth and Commissioner Gordon and everyone. With just one well-timed act of brutality, Bob’s turned his date around completely. And also grown a fetching orangutan-like coat of arm hair!

Mary Worth: So, Drew lives in a Quality Inn? Of all the lackluster interior decoration schemes in Mary Worth, this is a new low. Say what you want about Vera’s old condemned tenement apartment, at least it had a kitchen. Poor Drew, trying so hard to make it on a doctor’s salary, living in his one-room studio cooking a can of peas on a hotplate. It’s so tragic.

TDIET: “A voice call”? As opposed to what, one of those calls where they just hum at you? Or screech a high-bitrate data stream? Or wave semaphore flags at the receiver? I’m starting to think that the one thing they’ll do every time is drink heavily before drawing their comic.
Calico
July 16th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

#168 – Sad singing “Sid” in his finery (Si!)
Wants to destroy the winery

#177 – Because it’s Funky Winkerxanax, and no one gets to be really happy, ever.
Calico
July 16th, 2007 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

#178 – I can see it now – “Trading Spaces” and “While you were out” come to Mary Worth.
Dr. Drew can’t decorate worth a damn!

Of course, these show titles and concepts would take on a whole new meaning if they were addressed in Family Surplus, with all of the icky gross intimations being hurled about like so many rotten tomatoes recently.
Dingo
July 16th, 2007 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

A few years ago, the creator of Adam & Andy had a comments section on his website. A man from Peru (South America, not Illinois) had seen his first A&A strip and sent a message stating how much he loved it and suggested that the story be “spiced up” by having one of the men have an affair or contract AIDS. I wish that I had saved a copy of James Asal’s response because it would have made Lynn Johnston proud (and made me laugh). Here was a mainstream (well, mainstream by gay newspaper standards) comic about two men in a caring, healthy relationship and the contributor found that boring. The posse of participants pounced upon the Peruvian parasite and pureed our prey.

Oh, and speaking of comics, my boyfriend and I spent Saturday night in Chicago and found a wonderful comic book shop: Chicago Comics at 3244 N. Clark. Unbelievable selection! They even had Porky (NSFW) by French artist Logan and a couple of Steve MacIsaac volumes. It only took knowing John for seven months before a casual conversation led to us discovering we both love comic books. He’s a graphic artist who works with pencils. Unbelievable stuff. I work in Illustrator thanks to carpal tunnel. We both are earning a living right now doing product demos in Wal*Mart and Target and are finding a lot of other graphics people doing the same.

I think I need coffee with Mary Worth. She’ll find a way out of this. Mary always does!
Little A.
July 16th, 2007 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. THESE ARE COMIC STRIPS WE ARE SNARKING ABOUT, and they should not be judged with the same criteria we use to discuss, say, a John Updike novel.

We should use stricter criteria.

Ha ha fooled ya didn’t I?

I can not for the life of me figure out BB today.

And FOOB is getting even duller. Is this possible?

And yesterday’s Curtis — Curtis has sold his soul to the devil for a twenty dollar bill.

Incidentally has anybody noticed that little brother Barry doesn’t speak like he’s from the ‘hood? Neither do Curtis’ parents. Neither does Curtis, most of the time.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

182 I use to be the ‘hood representative for curtis. Then they found out I’m white. I filed a lawsuit.
smacky
July 16th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

#147: Skullturf Q. Beavispants, I did not know that!

Tomorrows’ MW thought balloon: Looks like Dr. Drew Corey is in for another night of drunken masturbation!

It’s sort of sad that Drew isn’t yet comfortable enough with his illeism to be on a first name basis with himself. He even adds his title! His subconscious is as officious as the female professor in 9CL from a week ago!!
Ghost Riders in the Foob
July 16th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#80 Joe, yeah, I had the same reaction to 7/14MT ulti-panel, except that my first thought was that Slylock Fox had arrived to solve the mystery.

7/16 GA: TOTALLY BAT-SHIT crazy.
Mibbitmaker
July 16th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

#112 (Plasma): Mad magazine has done this kind of dialogue forever.

#139 (SS-B): I fully agree. Besides, scrolling down the page is difficult, although I wonder if the pictures (that need to be up there) are part of the reason — that and/or my being on dial-up.
Zamboni_Rodeo
July 16th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

Snuffy Smith: Wait a minute… They have PLASTIC bottles in Hootin’ Holler? Next you’ll be telling me Jughaid has an iPod.
commodorejohn
July 16th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

Okay, I don’t normally read Gasoline Alley, but with all the mentions of “meteorite,” “eBay,” and “crazy,” I had to take a look.

WHAT THE HELL!?

Okay, first off, I was unaware that the strips from a couple weeks ago had turned into some kind of Caddyshack/Mouse Hunt-ish obsessive revenge quest. And then…let’s see, his plan is to…to…to purchase a meteor off of eBay and damage the basketball court with it. Might I ask how he’s planning to convincingly simulate a meteorite impact? They do fall from space, you know; that’s a lot of momentum. Hence the craters and everything. Just…I’m at a loss for words here. This is either going to be a total bust or the best storyline in all of comics history.
Trotzenbonnie
July 16th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

#173 – THE Divine O’F
Can you believe those three finalists were chosen over the brilliant captions that were created here? I swear – the third one about the exhaust specialist must have been sent in by Al Gore’s concubine and he probably called to put in a good word for her/him.
(Well, sorry Al, but I’m so pissed off that the steam coming out of my ears just put another hole in the ozone!)
And, O’Fo, your caption is way too good for those bastards!
Jemmy
July 16th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

I almost never laugh out loud at comics. I laugh out loud at the comments posted here about them, but not at the comics.

A3G.

I laughed. Long and loud.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

189 (trotz) Well, as much as I admire you, I have to say, he isn’t afraid of steaming ears. He is afraid of passing gas. Now, I am as green as the next smoker, but I am going to rebel and eat a ton of foods to make me poke a hole in the ozone. Take that! Mr. Caption Contest Cheater!

I suggest you do the same. PUT THAT BEANO DOWN!
Major Hoople's Boarding House
July 16th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dingo links!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY EYES!
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

192. What, is there a problem with being angry that your dog chewed up one of your good toys… Yeah! I’d be pissed too! Those things aren’t cheap…
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 16th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

#182 Little A. Maybe you figured it out by now (Beetle Bailey, that is), but if you didn’t, note the banana peel.

I didn’t see the banana peel right away, either, so I was briefly puzzled and thought maybe BB had sunk even lower into a bizarre kind of Beckettian depressed minimalism.
Little Guy
July 16th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

9CL: Figured out.

Edda was just reading FOOB and got the pun.
Mibbitmaker
July 16th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

9CL: Edda’s gotten into the catnip again!

(DT)GT: Macho, macho, macho, macho, macho, macho! …Macho!!

JP: Dakota Fanning is like an environmental Lt. Columbo. Watch out, nature-hating, winerific, mulletnutty – she’ll wear you down!

MT: Uh, Sammy, maybe them being the first to know isn’t exactly a good strategy. Tip off your enemy — that‘ll show ‘em!

RMMD: Hugh Avery: Ronald Reagan Junior Capitalism Spokesman of the Year (1988); Michael Patterson Home Owners’ Man of the Year (2007); Senior Fellow at the Pre-Spirit-Visit Scrooge Institute (1996-); Chairman, Family Values Committe for Irony (1990-2006).

FC:
“How I Met Your Mother”: Brilliant long-form storytelling sitcom that takes the narrative stylings of “The Dick Van Dyke Show”, epicness of “Cheers”, and disguises itself as a “traditional” sitcom, while within it beats the heart of the non-traditional forms such as “My Name is Earl”, all the while portraying ultimately believable friendships, even in the more absurdist plotlines.

Family Circus/cartoon Bil Keane: Not so much.
Allie Cat
July 16th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

Mibbit – in re: HIMYM -I totally agree with your assessment. I think this is one of the funniest sitcoms on TV. It has more or less filled the sitcom hole left in my life when Arrested Development’s life was cut pitifully short.
Bootsy
July 16th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

Today’s one of those days when I find it hard to concentrate on work. Around here they call it Katrina-Brain.

I’m in a deep funk cuz we’re at the point where we sign away our former house to the state since it’s ruined and in a low part of town and we’re not going back to it. I know it’s just stuff, but this was a house that my family owned for 3 generations. I used to have a picture of my dad at 13 sitting with his bike on the back steps. Our first dog is buried in the backyard, and I know who the ghost in the bedroom closet is (my great aunt).

Our roots go very deep in this swampy town.

We’re in a new (well, new to us) house in a higher part of town so we are among the lucky ones. Lucky in that we didn’t die or have to get rescued from the roof like some folks I know but it’s tough to make what you know rationally is the best decision but emotionally is hard as hell.

So I tried to be snarky but I’ll leave it to you guys to cheer me up today.
Ukulele Ike
July 16th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth Yes, the decor screams “1980s Radissson,” but what really surprised me here was that Dr. Drew Corey — dashing, debonnair playboy and all-around operator that he is — sleeps in a single bed. What does he do, just bend his dates over the ottoman and send them off with a 50-dollar bill when he finishes, three or four minutes later?
Shannon
July 16th, 2007 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

“On this very day, exactly… uh… today… Mallard Fillmore actually defended Presidential pardons and commutations based on ‘cronyism.’ With a straight face.”
Mibbitmaker
July 16th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

#196: In FC part: should’ve added after “narrative stylings of the ‘Dick Van Dyke Show’”, the phrase “and expanded upon it extensively” like I intended. Plus committee has two e’s.

And after all that previewing, too….!
Dr. Mad
July 16th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

#167 That’s the Spirit – Yeah, sing peons, pecans, pee cans, paeans, paeons, whatever, my glasses were in the other room when the muse struck. Actually, I mispelled it twice since in my ‘thank you and congratulations to the others’ post I looked it up in my Greek lexicon and got paeons [the metrical measurement] rather than Apollo’s epithet/ a hymn to Apollo – paean [Paion in the Greek]. Ok so I’m showing off [or out as they say in TX] that Greek cost a bundle and besides, it hurt me. If you would like a small hoot go to the website of The Goin’ Band from Raiderland [through Texas Tech University], put on their recording of “Grandioso” and sing “Go Fightin’ Vague Shapes, Go Fightin’ Vague Shapes, Go, Fight, Go,” over and over to the tune -no other words needed, it works great.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

Ego much mibbit? I dun type right at all. Hahhaha.
stinky pete
July 16th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

198 Bootsy… (*crushes beer can on head a la Bluto in Animal House*)… anything??
Jobiska
July 16th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

#202 Dr. Mad: Actually pean is an acceptable alternate spelling of paean; check dictionary.com or suchlike! Love the alma mater.
mere cog in the machine
July 16th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean makes me cry

It puts silence in my eyes

Knowing that through

Satan’s earthbound magic

Many more would have to die
AhClem
July 16th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

#198 Bootsy -
My condolences over your loss. A house may be an inanimate object, but when it’s been such a big part of your life for so long, losing it can be as painful and heart-wrenching as losing a loved one.

Go re-read the COTW nominees, and then the Gail Martin wiki page. That always works for me.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

For every bad comic. Every horrible pun, or strange FC situtations, I have to listen to a Gail Martin song twice…
Kip W
July 16th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

FC – “…you can just watch my CROTCH for a while.”

They’ll FOOB It Every Time! – Mikey Mothersboy sez “Anything goes!” when it comes to paint and wallpaper. But just let Wifey suggest refacing the kitchen cabinets, and li’l Mikey turns into the biggest preservationist this side of Colonial Williamsburg!

Marvin – Marvin must be watching the Mallard Fillmore channel, where celebrity caricatures invariably have huge, grimacing heads mounted on small bodies.

A3G – Sorry, I can’t hear the dialog over the ominous swelling of the dramatic organ music.

S-M – Judging from the first panel, Pete’s left MJ “Home Alone” one time too many.

FW – He goes in the post office and she looks at him. I’m rollin’ on the floor, here. Plus, he has a big nose!

GT – Bob stops a drunken lout by jamming his forearm down his throat, and wipes it off while boasting of his conquests.

HtH – Ha ha! It’s a castle, but they still put the dog out! I’ll bet they also go out to pick up the newspaper and pick up bottles of milk every morning. Nice to know that variants on Standard Joke #7 are still working every day to make you and me laugh. Those guys owe me a new side, because this one is split!
Mibbitmaker
July 16th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

#197 (AC): That show is one of a few that do the same for me. HIMYM, The Office, Earl, and 30 Rock. It takes alot to fill AD’s shoes.

#203 (Nate Bush): Ego?? Huh? I corrected my stupid mistakes: Do I think I’m better than I am? Granted, #201 me is much smarter than #196 idiot me, that’s for sure!

(alternate #203 response):

#203: What a strange, strange line…
Kip W
July 16th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

MF – It’s funny because he’s a DUCK, and ducks don’t get the difference between pardoning to restore the voting rights of someone who’s paid his fine and served his time and commuting to keep somebody quiet about an ongoing investigation!
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 16th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

#209 Kip W — re HtH: Perhaps the dog is quite small, in contrast to the large size of the castle, and thus this implied physical contrast generates more humour.
Dingo
July 16th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

Bootsy, I feel for you and your family. Unlike a great majority of Americans, my family also has deep roots with our residences. My parents have lived in this house for 43 years. There’s a ghost here in the basement where I keep my office and a few years ago I explained the rules of internet backgammon to her and have rarely lost a game since (true story). Even though you’re moving to higher ground, the memories made don’t have to remain behind in that home. Take them with you and share them with your extended family and friends. Were you in the 9th? What happened is a story that needs to be repeated. You’re the Johnstown flood of today: a natural disaster made worse by government inaction and hubris.

So, ask Miss Trotzenbonnie to meet you in the Quarter and buy you a couple of mojitos on me. Get drunk enough until the two of you can pretend to be Vera and Dawn, with conviction, and fight over a young studly doctor. Or two: a neurosurgeon and a cardiologist. That way you can have one for your brain and another for your heart. Just like Mary has her two Dr. Cory.
Islamorada Girl
July 16th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

You know, I really expected cocksman and makeout artiste supreme Dr. Drew Cory, MD would have a big round waterbed with a velvet plush headboard and stereo speakers in his groovy bachelor pad. Instead, he seems to be living in a model apartment that came fully furnished about 1962.

Bootsy–my heart goes out to you. If it’s any consolation, at least you’re not living in Elly’s old house with Momzilla herself breathing down your neck.
commodorejohn
July 16th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

#198 Bootsy – I feel for you. I’ve lived in a couple really awesome houses and had to leave, and even in the few years we lived in each I got very attached, let alone three generations. Sorry to hear about it; it’s always a pity to lose something so neat, especially when modern housing is all prefab manufactured shit or generic predesigned houses built as whole pre-made suburban neighborhoods full of nearly identical buildings.
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

215 Not to take away from the awesome message you sent, but in terms of prefab houses, when my mom and dad were together, and they moved into one (i was about 7…. shit, that was forever ago), my mom got pissed at all the houses looking the same. She painted the doors and shutters red, and this pissed off the HOA. So she decided to listen to them, ignore them, and built a balcony. We eventually moved and the house was worth way more…
commodorejohn
July 16th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

#216 Nate Bush – Awesome. I’ve never had to deal with a homeowners’ association, but I’ve heard the stories. Anybody setting themselves up above their fellow citizens deserves to be taken down a peg or twelve ;)
Sabrechick
July 16th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

OK, so I’ve been REALLY busy lately and can only check in once a day for about a half hour or so, I’m stuck back in the “Tarzana Nights” metapost and don’t wan’t to miss any of the hilarity by skipping posts – all I can say is “FOR PETE’S SAKE PEOPLE SLOW DOWN!!!”

HELP I’ve fallen behind and I can’t catch up!!!

AAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

Well, I think it’s unfair when the people in charge of the HOA have fountains and whatnot. It’s like “You all must look the same, but we… we are the ELITE!”

I’m like…Yeah.. whatever…

All I did to help out was garden my ass off. It’s hard to believe that while I was just a kid, I was out there, in gardening shoes and all, digging and replanting. Dirt on my hands, kicking our neighbor’s ass at gardening. When we moved, i was so heartbroken to leave that garden I told the people who bought it to take care of it… Water it every day in the summer…

Went back six months after moving and it was all dead…
Nate Bush, Pirate PHD
July 16th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

218 – Hahaha, funny story about Gail.

Someone who I don’t really like, and is always trying to impress me, asked me who my favourite musician was. I replied “Gail Martin”. He said, “Yeah… I haven’t heard much of her works… what’s your favourite song by Gail Martin”. He said Gail Martin to avoid saying the wrong gender with s/he. Hahah, I said “Tarzana Nights!” and he was like “No way, me too.” I said I had to go, but I was all laughing in my head.
bats :[
July 16th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

154. You’re on the money, Poteet. Cats and gay guys. Maybe Thorax, but he gets annoying. Maybe Sven, the unseen but apparently hunky vet assistant.

And in response to today’s FOOB…I don’t know who I want to shut. the. fark. up. more., Lynn or Michael…probably one and the same. How depressing.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/?saved=1
Kip W
July 16th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

#212 (Skullturf Q. Beavispants) – Zounds! Thinking of the small size of the dog, on top of everything else, causes me to indulge in such a surfeit of cacchination, I fear me I shall endanger my very life’s breath.

Apropos of nothing, I dreamt I was Barney Google last night, as drawn by Billy DeBeck. Good times.
Paul Curtin
July 16th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

Gail Martin Wiki!
Hoooooooooooo!
I think I have wet myself!
uh,
hooooooooooooo!
Paperback Rifler
July 16th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

Since I have a wiki editing phobia, and since this is a meta thread anyway, I’ll just share my Gail Martin memories right here and now. Apologies if this material has been covered before:

Unlike her peers Bob Dylan, Judy Collins, and Tiny Tim, Gail Martin in the 1980s fully embraced the new medium of music videos on the fledgling MTV network. Here are some of her videos that I can remember off the top of my head:

“Sunday’s Runny Sundae”: Gail’s first music video produced specifically to be run on MTV, this was an excerpt from her concert at Red Rocks. In the video, Gail famously waves a large red flag during the banjo solo and then uses the flag to push an overly amorous fan off the stage.

“Dancing in the Bar”: Another concert video, but this one had the staged footage of Gail picking a young Courteney Cox out of the audience for an awkward dance during the saxophone solo at the end. (After playing a similar role in Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing in the Dark,” Cox reportedly got a new agent.)

“You Can Call Me Gail”: Her first entirely non-concert video featured SNL alum Chevy Chase. The premise was that Chase, and not Martin, would lip synch to the playback vocals; but when Chevy started to lip synch, Gail punched him. Thus, almost the entirety of the four minute video is footage of Martin and Chase engaged in hair-pulling and fisticuffs.

“Totally Clips Off My Coif”: A surreal production set in a large, candlelit mansion wherein Gail, clad in a white dress, has visions of, and dalliances with, shirtless schoolboys with angel wings and glowing eyes. Gail said of it at the time, “I had wanted to make a video that really represented what a day in my life is like; and when I watch this . . . well, it’s almost like a documentary.”

“Triller”: Clocking in at fourteen minutes and featuring Gail dancing with a troupe of hippie zombies, “Triller” revolutionized the concept of music videos but unfortunately set a music video benchmark that Gail never again would be able to match. Still, for Gail’s legion of fans, “Triller” is a slice of dancing hippie zombie heaven.

My personal favorite of the Gail Martin videos is “Nothing Compares 2 U, Xcept Your Identical Twin Brother and Maybe Your Stepmother”, which was almost entirely a supertight closeup of Gail’s expressive face and which caused more than a few of Gail’s fans to worry that she had cut off her famous braid, which could not be seen in the video. To placate the fans, Gail’s next video, “Take Me With U”, was almost entirely a supertight closeup of Gail’s braid.

Lamentably, her worst video arguably is the one for “Tarzana Nights”, which was taken from a 1973 concert and featured a four minute drum solo by drummer Mick Shrimpton. According to legend, Gail had bet Mick that he couldn’t do an entire drum solo using just a cow bell and a ride cymbal. The “Tarzana Nights” video proved her right.
AppleGirl
July 16th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

198 – Bootsy – I am so sorry, and I understand your emotional upheaval over the house.

We are selling my grandma’s house in Chicago, she moved to the old-folks home last year. My great-grandpa built it in 1907. The best summer porch in the world. One hundred years in our family. Like you, I have photos which chronicle the milestone events as well as the little moments of my family, all at that house.

A new house in a better, safer place is a comfort, but doesn’t duplicate your family history. There’s a huge disconnect. On top of the trauma and subsequest slow resolution of the storm damage. You’ve been through a lot. Don’t be hard on yourself: you have every right to feel sad about your loss.
nemoErensenuT
March 9th, 2008 at 5:03 am [Reply]

I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:
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