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Real talk from Rex

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/30/11

Wow, never has Rex’s contempt for women been made more explicit. “See, Niki, women have tiny little fish-brains, and all they understand is wealth, status, looks, and power … all qualities I posses, fortunately. But then they want to ‘laugh’ or ‘feel loved’ and want you to ‘not be a surly dick constantly,’ which is bullshit. That’s why we’re out here on the boat, while the ladies are on the shore! Say, any more guys your age at that party you got the text about?”

Dennis the Menace, 10/30/11

In any sane world, the comic where Dennis learns that being nice gets you further in life than being menacing would be the last Dennis the Menace comic ever made.

170 responses to “Real talk from Rex”

  1. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Frazz: not recommended in reality, but works great in ‘toons! (until you reach the inevitable cliff. . . . )

    9CL: mild service.

    CdS: artwin

    Doons: bread and circuses.

    Lio: trick-or-treat winner.

    Luann: I’d suggest that “Steam Powered Giraffe” would make a good name for a band, but I suspect it’s already been covered.

    PBS: I did not see that coming.

    SBp: *waits for rant on unwed mothers*

    Bizarro: Schvanstucker!

    I thought that Crank was a total /fail, then I saw FW. /FAIL^2.

    Lockhorns: goes memetic, and gets it right! well played!

    MT: wait, is that the “pink for breast cancer awareness” iguana?

    Mutts: d’awwwwww!

    PMP: HAR!!!!

    Phantom: glorious Baretto art is glorious, even without any ladies.

    RwO: ROFLS at the “mummy” joke.

    SF: donotthinkaboutothercausesofscream . . . .

    Foxtrot: brilliant. just brilliant.

  2. Lolsworth
    October 30th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    In a sane world, that comic would have ended with Dennis pulling out a switchblade, taking the entire bowlful of candy, and saying the exact opposite to Joey.

  3. Anonymous
    October 30th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    MW– Outside it’s a diner. Inside it’s a 5 star restaurant with a cathedral ceiling with red velvet curtains in front of the two story high windows.

  4. OMEGA SUPREME
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Nancy: If I had my way this strip would become “Aunt Fritzi’s Adventures in Cosplay” because I really enjoyed her dressed as Wonder Woman last week.
    Perhaps she can dress as Power Girl next week? Or maybe Emma Frost?

  5. Anonymous
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    BGSS: Don’t be scared, it’s just Isybelly and Beau on their honeymoon.

  6. Anonymous
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    RMMD: You’re alone with Rex in the middle of a lake, the only thing you have a chance of catching is trouser trout.

  7. bbofun
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Save the pink iguana!” sounds like a plea to prevent the destruction of a gay bar. Or it could be a sexual position. In either case, something Rick Santorum would not approve of.

  8. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    You know what’s weird? Today’s Darkgate Comic Slurper has Spider’s given name as “Lonne Webb”, but the Sunday strip Josh ran has it as “Lonnie Webb”.

  9. Mehe
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    FW: I don’t get it. And I’m glad.

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man

    Aunt May’s new coiffure comes to us courtesy of stylist Frédéric Ferengi.

  11. MikeyMike
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    “Yeah, uh Joey? The whole Christmas Story thing isn’t happening. It hasn’t happened, and it isn’t going to happen. Go for adorable, stop whining and just eat your damn candy.”

  12. wossname
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I have never studied school administration, so correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t there some confidentiality rules about revealing one kid’s problems to the parent of another kid?

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#8): I think the “i” is there on Slurper, too, but it’s just mashed in between the “n” and the “e.”

  13. Boophilus
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Would someone please explain Arlo and Janis? Is it an age joke or a sex joke? Help!

  14. Pseudo3D
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Timely Saturday and Sunday posts from Josh? Wow…this is something.

    A3G: “No ugly wedding dresses” will be a promise LuAnn breaks quickly.

    Zits: WHAT IS THAT THING COMING OUT OF PIERCE’S TORSO. IT’S NOT EVEN IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

    9CL: Dressing as the “Nazif—r”, I see.

    FW: what is this i don’t even

    Luann: Luann and her friends ruin steampunk for everyone.

    MW: *vomit*

    S-M: Is that Aunt May? Man, she’s really lost it.

    Ziggy: Never let me see Ziggy’s cat relieving itself ever again.

  15. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    ikkle tiger has lunch.

    corgsqui.

    otter tries to decipher FW. (alt: whut yu talkin’ about, Willis?)

    hooray, beer!

  16. MapDark
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    MW: I HAD A PART IN THAT WHOLE AFFAIR DAMNIT!!!! You should alll know that!!! And yes it’s easy to work with someone who’s never in your legs because they’re too busy stalking their old flame.

    Also judging from the colour of whatever they’re driving on , it looks like Gina and bobby are driving down the sidewalks of Santa Royale mowing down old retirees for fun .

  17. Ellie
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    MW-Mary is second guessing her career choice – perhaps she isn’t cut out to be a Relationship Advocate, after all. Should she switch to sales??!

  18. Roy
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    You fail to understand the true nature of Dennis.

    You see Dennis knows being a menace is counterproductive, yet he is one anyway, because otherwise he wouldn’t be true to himself.

    What is not widely understood is that Dennis chooses the bad everyday, even when he knows it is not in his best interest. Philosophically and morally, this is a profound choice. A Dennis who chooses Menace out of ignorance is only misguided, a Dennis who chooses to Menace out of pragmatism is just a sociopath. However a Dennis who chooses to Menace for the sake of Menacing is a Dennis who chooses the to do what is wrong in full knowledge. This make him of a piece with Lucifer who chose Hell rather than to obey God in Heaven.

  19. SoapWatcher
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    The time has come for Rex to pass on his tattered book of deal-sealing knock-knock jokes.

  20. TheDiva
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    RMMD: After the likes of “Why Les, of course I’ll marry you so I can bask in your genius full-time!”, “That Tiffany is such a slut, because she actually says what she wants instead of pussy-footing about it in an embarrassing manner,” “Thank you, Mary, for helping me find a man and therefore fulfilling all possible happiness!”, and “We Burber women are strong and empowered, which is why we spend so much time posing suggestively for the viewer,” Rex Morgan’s bald-faced sexism is almost refreshing. At least he’s honest about it.

    A3G: Margo’s just beating back an evil laugh in that last panel, isn’t she?

    FW: With its silent tableaux of contempt, ennui, and despair, today’s Funky Winkerbean distills the strip to its purest essence.

    Luann: I admit I’m not very well-versed in the steampunk milieu, but I don’t think dressing like one of the Joker’s henchwomen is a customary expression of the genre…

    MW: So the lesson is, if you find someone you like and it doesn’t work out, cling to their memory and hope against all odds you’ll get a second chance, because you’ll never, ever connect on that level with any other person.

    Pluggers: I call shenanigans. Since when do Pluggers own flat screens?

    SM: Don’t sell yourself short, MJ. You have better spider-sense than Peter right now.

  21. Chareth Cutestory
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Wealth, status, looks, and power will only get you so far. If you can make a woman laugh, though, she’s yours forever! For example, just the other day I made a homeless man do a funny dance for $5. I was laughing pretty hard and I think June had a good time, too.

  22. John C Fremont
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    MW – That last panel reminds me of the final part of that Design For Dreaming short on MST3K right before Mike warns them that the bridge to the future is out.

    “I miss Gina. She was a nice girl and easy to work with. She was very popular in the community.”

    9CL – Now that he’s finished scolding us beefwits, Brooke goes back to what he does best; trying to sell that damned book.

  23. TheDiva
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#22): “Conspicuous consumption makes our love stronger!”

    Damn I love that short.

  24. Cloudbuster
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#1): I thought that Crank was a total /fail, then I saw FW. /FAIL^2.

    @Mehe (#9): FW: I don’t get it. And I’m glad.

    @Pseudo3D (#14): FW: what is this i don’t even

    @TheDiva (#20): FW: With its silent tableaux of contempt, ennui, and despair, today’s Funky Winkerbean distills the strip to its purest essence.

    Oh, come on, you all. This has to rank as one of the least offensive FW strips in recent memory:

    1. There’s no Les
    2. None of the characters is saying something blatantly offensive or unfunny.
    3. It forwards none of the blatantly offensive and unfunny plot threads.

  25. Baka Gaijin
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Sparkle Tracy, tone down that killer instinct a notch, OK?

    Herb, handle that joke carefully. It’s an antique. On second thought, handle it roughly because it’s junk.

    I can’t wait to see what a CC with Photoshop could do with today’s Pluggers.

  26. Hi There
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    FW: Standalone strip filed last year, for when the hairy spiders and DT’s got to be too much. Can’t draw a straight line today, let alone a smirk. Here’s a ‘homage.’

  27. Baka Gaijin
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Arlo and Janis proves that a couple can be married an not need the smell of apple pie to get aroused. [looks disapprovingly at Pluggers]

    MJ, what you’re feeling is “experience.” Just like you don’t need psychic ability to know Dagwood is going to eat a lot of food soon, you don’t need Spider Sense to know Spidey’s in danger.

    Gag. Greg Evans is trying to be topical again with predictable results, for values of “predictable” being “embarassingly wrong.”

  28. Esther Blodgett
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s called ART.

  29. ingeld
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    The next time Batiuk is attempt to imitate great art let it reflect his readers’ response to his strip. May I recommend Munch’s “Scream”?

  30. Baka Gaijin
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Boophilus (#13): It’s a sex joke. Janis is still so smoking hot she can make Arlo wait for her in bed while he “builds a tent” until she arrives instead of pulling a Plugger (sleep at 8:30pm in grubby John Deere PJ’s amongst crumbs of various greasy snack foods). No apple pie required.

  31. Effluvius Erratus
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    In any sane world, the comic where Dennis learns that being nice gets you further in life than being menacing would be the last Dennis the Menace comic ever made.

    It’s not the authors’ fault the syndicate refuses to run the final panels of their strips showing Dennis neck-deep into the Macdonald triad.

  32. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Oop – Here comes a surprise cameo from everybody’s favorite future family, The Jettisons!

    Crock – Everybody always greets people with “Notice anyone on the way here?” in my world.

    Dennis – HOLY CRAPPING PANCAKES! Joey can talk in complete sentences! I guess he just never had anything to complain about before.

    Dick – Today’s story is a docudrama based on the exciting post-death experiences of Elmer McCurdy, previously dramatized in a particularly memorable Jonah Hex story by Michael Fleischer and Russ Heath. (I just added this tidbit to McCurdy’s Wikipedia page. Somebody already mentioned the connection at Jonah Hex’s page.)

  33. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Hägar – “The hotel I’m stayin’ at is so hungry for tips, I asked Room Service for a deck o’ cards, and the bellboy made 52 trips!”
    —Joey Chips (“The Corny Potato Chip!”) from ancient TV commercial

    Henry – Oh, what a scamp! Not only did he get the entire bottle of pills on the floor, but he did it using the straw his mother was supposed to use to get them up his face butt.

    Judge – “Bender Blaster” is obviously meant to be the much more famous Fender Flaster guitar. They probably disguised the name because the instrument will turn out to be used as a murder weapon later.

    Plugger – Remote in hand? Check. Porn cued up? Check. Thank god Brookins is only showing us the moment before the actual one-arm pull-up.

  34. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Prince – Aleta recognizes Flesh Gordon! What exactly did she do before she married Val?

    Shoe – A punch line based on a 50-year-old TV show. Truly, this is the comic for pluggers.

    Spider-ManNext: TIME KEEPS ON TICKIN’, TICKIN’, TICKIN’… INTO THE FUTURE!

    @Readem and Laf (#y78): So that’s where Judge Parker’s family gets their cash! Only, they don’t try finding the original owner.
    You do them an injustice. I’ll have you know they ran an ad in the Sacramento Shopper’s and Trading Post, smarty pants! (“FOUND: Canvas bag with foreign writing.”)

    @TheDiva (#20): Since when do Pluggers own flat screens?
    Probably since they became sufficiently ubiquitous that people living in town have started putting their old ones out at the curb with “FREE” signs.

  35. Jen
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Mehe (#9): I’m glad I’m not the only one.

  36. Baka Gaijin
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#33): “Face butt.” I knew Henry had a syndrome but I just couldn’t place it. Also, good band name.

  37. Irrischano
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Wait, Dennis’ costume is supposed to be scary? He looks like a Sgt. Pepper’s-era Beatle with a black cape on.

  38. The Ridger
    October 30th, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Riff (#y79): Garak: I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don’t trust coincidences.

  39. Walker of Dog
    October 30th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#Y84): That’s MISS Bowl Hair… rowr…

    FW: Oh, crap. I think they’ve spotted us.

    RMMD: You weren’t kidding, Josh – the House of Morgan philosophy summed up in one Sunday strip. “Yes, you have to make them laugh! Force it out of them with the power of MONEY!”

    MW: Bobby removed the center console so he and Gina could be closer. But now that the car has no emergency brake, once they plow into the back of a stalled SUV they will each end up far closer to the dashboard.

    S-M: ‘The night-drenched city’? Yes, it’s really nightening out there.
    Aunt May, please have a sandwich or something.

    Plug: Becky the band director is not amused.

  40. NoahSnark
    October 30th, 2011 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Rex knows that the quickest way to bond with a young boy is to complement him on how he handles his pole.

  41. Baka Gaijin
    October 30th, 2011 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Bobby Black’s got style. He went all out on that 2011 VW Dumpster Cabrio by upgrading from the standard What a Maroon color to the optional Salmon Nilla paint job.

  42. ArchieNemesis
    October 30th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#14):

    A3G: “No ugly wedding dresses” will be a promise LuAnn breaks quickly.

    Since A3G is incapable of drawing attractive dresses, Luann’s wedding dresses will have to be referred to obliquely off camera.

  43. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    October 30th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    9CL I am too confused by Edda’s dress to get annoyed by the book-flogging. It’s a dress with a sheer illusion top, right? (This is a young woman fond of slinky wear so I rather doubt she put a strapless dress over a sheer shirt for modesty.) So how is she able to reach the tissues stuffed in her cleavage?

  44. CanuckDownSouth
    October 30th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#24): On the contrary, I find the implication that because he’s found the shading button in some colouring program now he’s the equivalent of one of the grand masters of light and shadow appalling and offensive. What is this, one-up-McEldowney-week?

    And his expressions are pretty crappy for a take on a grand master’s expressive portraiture posing (which was daring and experimental).

  45. Johnny Q
    October 30th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    You know Rex Morgan is cool because he wears his cap backward <8^p

  46. Charles Solution
    October 30th, 2011 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    I dunno, that weird blue non-coloring in the Dennis strip is kind of scary. Like, “What’s wrong with my eyes?” scary, or maybe “Remember when movies had actual colors and weren’t all blue and orange?” scary.

    Meanwhile, RMMD starts emulating Gil Thorp with non sequitor cuts.

  47. Black Drazon
    October 30th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    “Well, it’s sort of like these lures we’re throwing today, Niki! Flashy things attract… wealth, status, looks, power… and literal flashy things! Jewellery, or art, or heck, hand one of them that lure and we’ll see how it goes!”

    “But you need something more to keep them, don’t you?”

    “Well, it’s sort of like those lures we’re throwing today, Niki! Worms! Nice, fat, juicy worms! That’s how I keep June’s attention. All that succulent meat… no-bone-to-fall-off-of goodness! Mm-MM! What were we talking about again?”

  48. Red Greenback
    October 30th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Rex is not commenting on Niki’s piscatorial prowess. Rex is praising his own handiwork. Yes my friends, Rex is a Plaster Caster.

  49. Joe Blevins
    October 30th, 2011 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    (today’s zomby) AND MY BLOG TURNS 2!

  50. The Ridger
    October 30th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    RM: “But you need something more to keep them, don’t you?” Indeed you do, Niki. The hook! Pain and physical compulsion, the threat of death – or, in these more “modern” times, the law and the threat of penury.

  51. True Fable
    October 30th, 2011 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail has a Feral Goat Mention!

  52. Baka Gaijin
    October 30th, 2011 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#49): Happy Birthday, Blog! And many moooooore!

  53. seismic-2
    October 30th, 2011 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Since Hallman is upright in the final panel and Summer is leaning over at a 30-degree angle clockwise, but the whole kitchen is in fact tilted some 30 degrees count-clockwise, that means that Hallman is actually leaning clockwise by 30 degrees and Summer, by 60 degrees. Therefore Hallman is about to get two things falling into his lap – a pot of coffee and Summer’s face. Actually, the final panel’s unique orientation and ambiguous perspective, with the side of the refrigerator that double as a wall, mainly show that midway through drawing this strip Nolan felt the need to drop acid, to help get him through the pain of lettering Rex’s monologue.

  54. kkarenb
    October 30th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Brooke goes from his hand puppet hissy fit to drawing lovingly rendered female bodies. Seriously, Brooke, get help.

    FW – Now he thinks he’s Rembrandt. Seriously, Tom, get help.

  55. Chyron HR
    October 30th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – That’s today’s stupid kids for you! Take them on a fishing trip in the majestic wilderness, and they’ll bring along a device that takes pictures. GO FIGURE!

  56. bats :[
    October 30th, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

  57. bats :[
    October 30th, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    FW: wow, major suckage. I knew what Batuiskehfikuik was going for. I think it requires an “Apologies to Rembrandt” rather than a feeble explanation.

  58. Ukulele Ike
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    FW: Looks like someone gave Batuik a box if cigars.

  59. Rixter
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Too bad, Lu Ann. Tommie and Margo are not on the Linski-mandated guest list, and Paul’s mother and grandmother will be the “bridesmaids.” It’s already planned and it’s too late to make changes. You can’t just go ahead and make these plans without seeking Paul’s approval. You do understand, Lu Ann, don’t you? Just nod your head “yes.”

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#54): *imagines Brooke thinking “imagine that Batuik character thinking he’s Rembrant, when *I* really am!”*

  61. BigTed
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    The “menacing” part is where Dennis is pushing non-biodegradable plastic shopping bags on all his little friends. “See, Joey, as long as you look adorable, no one will notice that you’re destroying the environment!”

  62. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#56): I’m not surprised to learn that, even though I was too gobsmacked by the fail to bother to look it up.

  63. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    come to think of it, “Gobsmacked by the Fail” might be a pretty good name for a band. . . .

  64. John C Fremont
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#58): And cheap ones at that.

    (My apologies to Ernie Kovacs. I’m assuming they were better back then.)

  65. Chyron HR
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#55): Holy crap. I think I just got… THE URGE.

  66. Frank Lee Meidere
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Boophilus (#13): I’ve never been good deciphering this particular comic, but my take is that Arlo was tired, but when his wife said she was staying up, he tried to stay up to be with her, but was struggling to keep his eyes open. She tells him to go ahead to bed, which he does with relief, while she sits there congratulating herself on still “having it,” meaning that he still wants to stay up with her even when he’s tired.

    Or something else. I really don’t know. I don’t think it has anything to do with sex, though, since Arlo’s expression doesn’t seem anticipatory in any way.

  67. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#65): look at Reply All until it goes away?

    (shouldn’t take very long.)

  68. Anonymous
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    RM: Possessing no sense of humor, Rex mostly makes women laugh by giving them something to mock. But hey! It’s working.

    DtM: What, precisely, is scary about Dennis’ costume? I guess it’s a vaguely Victorian black cape and maybe we’re meant to infer that he’s a vampire, but he’s wearing it over what appears to be his church suit, and there are no fangs or makeup to go with. So I’m stumped. Is he going as Prince Albert of Saxe-Gothe? (Menace factor: .5.) Somebody from Twilight? (Menace factor: 4.) A hipster who will spend the whole night explaining his Edwardian/steampunk garb’s origins in detail while suggesting that he may soon abandon the look because it shows signs of going mainstream? (Menace factor: 9.8.) Whatever it is, it scares the crap out of Joey, but that doesn’t exactly narrow it down.

  69. wossname
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#66): I continue to not get A&J about 80 percent of the time. But I’m still trying, like a brave little mudgeon.

  70. Rixter
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    FW: I see dead people.

  71. commodorejohn
    October 30th, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “I’m sorry I missed Queen Bee, Margo.” YEAH, SO ARE WE.

    Crankshaft – Christ, what a passive-aggressive asshole.

    DT – She’s going as a half-moon person this year.

    FG – Oh, Boston saw worse than this when Lovecraft was writing.

    FW – And Batiuk, with his dreary, lifeless grays and sepias, claims to pay homage to a painter who made such use of rich but muted colors that his works are still beautiful four hundred years later. Sir, you are not fit to wipe Rembrandt’s ass. [*]

    JP – Ooh, and Derek goes for flaunting his own appropriation of Sam’s wealth right to Sam. Bold.

    Luann – Admittedly, I’m not a devoted follower of the steampunk movement, but exactly when did it start crossing over with the KISS Army?

    MT – Save the Pink Iguana! This looks like a job for True Fable, the Goat Whisperer!

    MW – “WHEE. THIS IS FUN. THAT IS WHY WE ARE SMILING. OUR SMILE IS NOT AT ALL TERRIFYING AND SOULLESS.”

    Phantom – “We gotta move, guys. Predator needs this set in half an hour. Wash the fatigues when you’re done with ‘em.”

    PV – It’s Aleta’s old boyfriend! Awk-waaaard!

    RMMD – Asking Rex about attracting women is like asking Baka Gaijin about how to get started in clowning.

    SM – If you’re going to place a bomb under the floorboards, why not just rig it with a pressure sensor?

  72. Walker of Dog
    October 30th, 2011 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Don’t keep us in suspense, Mr. McEldowney – which unmarried woman caught the anus puppet?

  73. Baka Gaijin
    October 30th, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#66): With Dagwood, it’s always about the food. With Ted Forth, it’s always about the robot monkey butlers. With Arlo and Janis, it’s always about the sex. Take it to the bank.

  74. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#72): *SNURK!*

    it might not make it to the float, but that’s some mighty good snark right there.

  75. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Niki has heard this one before. First it’s all “your casting is smooth” then it’s “your hairless chest” and then “your thighs” and “you need to wet your hands to handle trout” and it just goes downhill from there as Rex’s ED kicks in at the usual awkward moment.

  76. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#73): the contest may not always go to the strong, nor the race to the swift, but that’s where the smart money is.

    with A&J, assume that it’s mildly naughty and go from there. :-)

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 30th, 2011 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Barney Google. Missing. 5,411 days. And Spark Plug too!

  78. Baka Gaijin
    October 30th, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#76): I thought of another one: With Spiderman, it’s always about doing something stupid.

    My Arlo and Janis “Guess the Missing Panel” is Hot Monkey Lovin’ ensues.

  79. Red Greenback
    October 30th, 2011 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    H+J: Bentley seems to be taking a jab at his critics via today’s strip: “See? I can so be specific!!.. How do you like those units of tree-borne fruit, you people with those names on that web site?!”

  80. Yahtzee
    October 30th, 2011 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#68): That was me! Why does the Mudge no longer remember me, though I’m here almost every day? It’s like I’m Tommie.

  81. Bud
    October 30th, 2011 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    While Dennis’ attitude may have lightened up, his word balloons sure haven’t. Panel 9 has Joey’s head getting crushed like a rotten watermelon when Dennis asks, “My dog chewed on my underpants this morning, so my ass is feeling a little Ruff”.

    Maybe Dennis still has potential for mischief… maybe…

  82. Baka Gaijin
    October 30th, 2011 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Yahtzee (#80): Clowns. Tiny evilscaryclowns. They infest your computer, living off spam and cookies in your browser. McAfee has a special “Harlequin Edition” of their virus scanner.

  83. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 30th, 2011 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Roy (#18):And they said a liberal arts education would be useless! Ha!

  84. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#82): I used that. Works great. Wiped out every damn clown around. Only trouble was that Windows 7 was made by clowns. Wiped out my operating system.

  85. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

  86. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 30th, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#21): You are very special. Very special indeed.

  87. Frank Lee Meidere
    October 30th, 2011 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#69): Me too. Maybe there’s something missing in our DNA?

  88. Some Guy
    October 30th, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Gosh, those panels are far apart. And have very little content. Given how generic the scenes are (Aunt May and MJ are worried, Jonah’s ranting at Robbie, policemen are in a police car), I suspect it was hastily assembled from spare cuttings. Good job on taking the time to redraw the panels that exactly repeat what happened yesterday, though!

    FW: When, for example, Paul Kidby homaged Rembrandt for the cover of the Discworld novel Night Watch, there was an obvious connection: The painting was called The Nightwatch, and showed a group of watchmen carrying pikes and so forth. Does Batuik see some similarity between 17th century merchants fixing the price of linen and comic book collectors that would give the homage some resonance? Or is it just easy to copy?

    H&L: This would actually be quite funny, if the Walkers’ idea of what a “modern” vampire looked like was more “Twilight” and less “member of KISS”.

    JP: I think Sam is about to have a stern word with his daughter about attempting to buy a boyfriend, thereby going from “smug, rich dick” to “smug, rich, hypocritical dick”.

    MW: “The flame that didn’t die … the connection that was always there … the monomaniacal obsession that in a normal universe would lead to her killing and stuffing Bobby so that he was always the way she remembered him…”

    Phantom“And if so, does he know that I know that he knows?”

    SF: We keep being teased with the posibility of a zombie apocalypse in the funny pages, but no-one delivers.

  89. seismic-2
    October 30th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    I can easily imagine Ted Forth’s going into a Tiki Bar and ordering a pink iguana. With a little umbrella.

  90. Peanut Gallery
    October 30th, 2011 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy – How nice that they put in a little something for those of us who vastly prefer Funnel Cakes to the House of Terror.

  91. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

  92. Écureuil Écumant
    October 30th, 2011 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Unh, you brought your cell phone fishing?”

    The above acronym stands for Rex Morgan, Major Doofus. Dear Major Doofus: A cell phone is damn near the smartest thing you can bring on board a boat. In case of any emergencies, help is only a speed-dial away. And even this Lio-haired punk is gonna have a cell with onboard GPS so they can track you to within ten feet. Lives are saved every year in Hawaii’s rough waters just that way.

    Oh, but what was I thinking. You don’t need to summon a chopper. You’ve got one overhead at all times.

  93. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 30th, 2011 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#91): While I’m not usually one for pink drinks—I prefer mine clear or caramel colored—I think that after a day of lesson planning, I’m ready to join Ted Forth for a cocktail. Just have to puree some pumpkin for future pies, and I’m there!

    (But wouldn’t Ted’s drink for today be a Zombie—which, made properly, is a pretty butt-kicking drink?)

  94. Red Greenback
    October 30th, 2011 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    I wanted to be somethin’ scary like you, Count High School Prom.

  95. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#93): I agree. I’m pretty much a straight bourbon or whiskey type of guy either on the rocks or with a splash of water and an occasional martini (Bond-like). But I’m willing to try speciality drinks from time to time.

    And you’re right about Zombies. Not only do they kick butt but they’ll punt you over into the next yard.

  96. Droopy Says
    October 30th, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#88): The last two Spidermouse panels aren’t an exact copy of yetserday’s panels; the electronic timer uses its soundcard and speaker (always handy in a planted bomb) to make a different number of ticking noises. It’s too bad the Big Boss had the bomb hidden under the floor, so we can’t see the digital timer that’s counting down to zero.

    Incidentally, how do you set a time bomb in a situation like this? The Big Boss would have to know exactly when Spidermonkey would be in the room.

    With today’s Creepy Les, my guess is that Batiuk had a bad time at Comics Con and will now spend a week mocking collectors.

  97. Écureuil Écumant
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    MW: “She just needed a nudge…”

    Ah. Mary Worth the Albino T’ai Chi Baboon. Use their own momentum agin ‘em. Worked great with Aldo, dinnit.

  98. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#39): Becky the band director is not amused.
    Hey, just because she didn’t clap.

    @commodorejohn (#71): …a painter who made such use of rich but muted colors
    Restorers are finding colors other than the yellow-brown spectrum. Batiuk’s paying tribute to centuries of varnish discolored by smoke more than anything.

    @Droopy Says (#96): The Big Boss would have to know exactly when Spidermonkey would be in the room.
    Time bomb, hell. He/she just installed a Radioactive Loser Detector.

  99. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Something was bothering me about that ape suit and I just figured out what it was. Dagwood has long legs and the gorilla suit has short legs. I guess the rest of Dag’s legs could be going up into the suit but that would make walking difficult or maybe gorillas are extremely well hung.

  100. Old School Allie Cat
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    Luann – I kind of get the feeling that Greg gets off a little on the goggles and lace.

    9CL – Nothing like a “ballerinas don’t have tits” joke to start off the week.

  101. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#99): That’s nothing. When Ben Grimm is himself, he has five fingers. When he’s The Thing, he has four fingers. When he was Ben Grimm and Reed Richards made him a Thing exosuit, he had… four fingers. I’m guessing he had to put his ring finger and pinky into one finger together, but what a pain!

  102. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#101): But cha can’t tell how many fingers this Thing has.

  103. Écureuil Écumant
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @ingeld (#29): “The next time Batiuk is attempt to imitate great art let it reflect his readers’ response to his strip. May I recommend Munch’s ‘Scream’?”

    In my experience, it’s been pretty much a load of Bosch.

  104. seismic-2
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#101): The characters at Disneyland have to wear those 4-fingered gloves, too. But I suppose those are still more comfortable than the huge Mouse and Duck heads.

  105. Écureuil Écumant
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#99): Hmm, I was thinking it’d fit Dithers like a second skin.

  106. commodorejohn
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#98): Actually, that’s pretty fitting.

  107. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#105): Well, the would explain why they didn’t get any trick ‘r treaters. It wasn’t the scary decorations it was Dithers yelling at the kids to get off the lawn.

  108. TheDiva
    October 30th, 2011 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#24): I concede the point–in order to be the ultimate FW strip, it would have to have Les smirking smugly in there somewhere. Cody’s doing his best, and certainly has the haughty disdain down pat, but he lacks the irritating self-satisfaction that can only come from the Grand High Douchebag himself.

  109. wossname
    October 30th, 2011 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#88): OT, but re Night Watch – WOW! I just finished Night Watch, loved it madly (it’s called writing), but the cover on the paperback was pretty bland compared to that. It just has two little angels rising, rising, rising, around an apparently metal oval with the number 177. (Vimes’s badge number? I dunno. I probably should know.)

  110. dg
    October 30th, 2011 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    Anyone who comments on fish having a pea-brain has probably never seen a trout reject a fly with the sort of bored disdain normally reserved for the sterotypical beret-wearing frenchman. One could draw an apter metaphor about women thence, but that would require some degree of realism untainted by croesus-like wealth on the part of Rex.

  111. Buck Ripsnort
    October 30th, 2011 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    DtM Any Dennis menacing is strictly off-panel. He’s planning to pimp Joey’s “adorable” ass to Mr. Wilson next.

  112. The Ridger
    October 30th, 2011 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: ps – what are the odd the party Niki got a text about is the same one Spider and Kelly are at? They’re probably desperately trying to get somebody else to show up and chip in for the booze and drugs and whatnot. Hard to get a “real scene” going with just four people…

  113. The Ridger
    October 30th, 2011 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#109): The American edition had that crappy cover. Most American Pratchetts have crappy covers compared to the British ones.

  114. Bill Peschel
    October 30th, 2011 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#113): They seemed to have learned their lesson, since the cover of “Snuff” looks to be the Brit version.

  115. bbofun
    October 30th, 2011 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    FW- so, normally Batiuk does his homages to classic comic book covers, fitting his characters into them. This week, he homages classic art, but fits his characters AND comic books into it.

    Mr, Batiuk- you are a comic strip writer/artist. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. it’s a fine profession, filled with men and women who have turned what can be a simple way of filling space into true art. Be happy.

    Because you ain’t no damn Rembrandt, Ditko, Kirby, or Adams, GET IT!

    (I could have used any number of comics artists, but those were the first three to come to mind.)

  116. Dennis
    October 30th, 2011 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “You brought your cell phone fishing?” Yes I did, Jed Clampett. It’s 2011, we’re also not beatin’ our clothes clean on rocks anymore either.

    DtM: Joey really got hosed in the costume department. Yeah he’ll get more candy, he’ll also get more beatings.

    Curtis: Good idea Curtis, get the bandages ready for when the bullies get tired of beating up Joey and decide to come after you in your dorky mummy costume.

  117. Minarets
    October 30th, 2011 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Why, Luann, Margo wouldn’t miss your wedding for anything in the world! Heck no! She’s going to come, rain or shine, and then proceed to mock you, from the moment you are walking down the aisle, headbobbling with OMG-AM-I-DOING-THE-RIGHT-THING-OH-MANE-OF-BLOND-HAIR-LIKE-MASS-GLUED-ON-MY-HEAD, WON’T-YOU-ADVISE?? to the way you move on the dance floor, surrounded by creepy Linskis shouting “Say yes! Yes!Yes”. It’s a mode they’re stuck in. Other modes on the compound include “Say no! No! No!” and “Thou shalt not have nonblonde hair.”

  118. seismic-2
    October 30th, 2011 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Dennis is going as a Batman / Bellman avenging hotel employee from the Gotham Hilton? Or a cast member from a third-rate junior college production of “The Student Prince”? This is supposed to be “scary”? Joey, on the other hand, is wearing a bunny costume given to him by his grandmother. He is therefore going as Ralphie from A Christmas Story, which is kind of scary, since he will get his tongue stuck to a flagpole and his eye shot out with a Red Ryder BB rifle.

  119. yaoi huntress earth
    October 30th, 2011 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    FW: Does anyone else get an air of snobbery with today’s comic?

  120. Minarets
    October 30th, 2011 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    In fact, that is my favorite new one-liner. Fellow ‘mudges! Use it in everyday conversation at opportune times:

    Boss: “Is the report done?”
    You: “Thou shalt not have nonblonde hair!”

    Stranger: “Hey, what’s the time?”
    You: “Thou shalt not have nonblonde hair!”

  121. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#99): “or maybe gorillas are extremely well hung.”

    They aren’t, actually. Rather the reverse.

  122. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#121): details, not for the easily embarrassed or on work computers.

  123. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 30th, 2011 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#122): Pretty fascinating. And I believe that letter writer inadvertently gave a whole lotta information about his anatomy and love life—or lack thereof.

  124. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

  125. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#121): So that’s why the girls all titter when I say I’m hung like… oh god no…

  126. mollificent
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#113): Don’t even get me started on Pratchett’s American publishers. Things could get bloody. (I have “issues.”)

  127. Liam
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    MT-The iguanas are only pink during October to show their support against breast cancer.

  128. kkarenb
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#60): At first I thought no, Degas, but then I realized that Brookie most likely thinks that only Michelangelo or Leonardo matches his level of genius.

  129. seismic-2
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#127): Iguanas with breasts? Are they Pluggers?

  130. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 30th, 2011 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#128): Raphael and Donatello would also be acceptable. . . . .

  131. bats :[
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#119): the air of snobbery’s so thick around Funkytown, you need an aqualung to breathe. (with acknowledgment to The Phantom of the Paradise)

  132. Liam
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    MW-Everyone looks so dead eye in here with creepy Stepford smiles on their faces. “Think happy thoughts or Mary will send us to the cornfield”.

    JP-Son as a male prostitute you are going to need some type of management. I take ten percent of what you make.

  133. Brian
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    Niki, “Rex, what is ‘laughter?’ ”

    Rex, “They say *I* used to laugh, Niki. That I laughed when I was a boy.”

  134. cheech wizard
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#56): Bats: per all your Jesusween pix, the small town I lived in a few years ago had a storefront church that promoted an alternate Halloween celebration. Instead of your usual ghosts and witches, they encouraged kids to come dressed as figures from the Bible. I don’t know if anyone came as Satan – I know I would have.

  135. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#122): I once saw a baboon jerking off at a zoo. It was relatively large for the animal. Looks like the baboon’s got the go-rilla beat (no pun intended). It also seem that it is true that you can find anything on the internet.

    Is there a trope for that?

  136. Liam
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#129): It’s either a breast cancer joke or a joke about all the iguanas being homosexuals hence them facing extinction.

  137. Liam
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan-Wonderful lesson here. Women are shallow that they only like flashy things.

  138. Scott Bot
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    FW – Waah, Mommy, Funky Winkerbean scareded me!!!

    MW – Why is the song Last Kiss running through my head when I look at that last panel?

    Pluggers – are fat and lazy, V6.2.1

    RMMD – ‘And the joke they seem to like the most is “wow, is that all the bigger it is?”‘

  139. bats :[
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#134): there are so many possibilities that would’ve shut the party down (and nice people, too! like Susanna who was viewed bathing naked by a pair of lascivious judges, and even the early Adam and Eve). I wonder if it’s an ongoing tradition.

  140. Sgt. Stoned
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith: Just why is the Hootin’ Holler postman delivering mail in the middle of the night?

    RMMD: “Something more to keep women, Niki? Nah, the fat wallet is all you need for that.”

    MW: Speaking of which, there was this chick in high school…now if only she is a multimillionaire athlete or something…do you think she’ll dig my ponytail?

  141. Baka Gaijin
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#140): It’s Snuffy Smith. Yesterday a woman started a satisfying romantic relationship with a dog for gosh sake. Things just ain’t right in Hootin’ Holler.

  142. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#141): Say what you will about Snuffy Smith but I don’t remember (yeah, like I’d remember) seeing a clown in that strip. I could be wrong about this especially if you take the position that everyone in Snuffy Smith looks like a clown.

  143. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#103): How does nudity fit into Bosch Belt humor?

  144. Spotts1701
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#119): An air? Fog banks are thinner than the haughtiness on display here.

  145. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 30th, 2011 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#64): “Step up to Dutch Masters, and smile, brother, smile!”

  146. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#145): Yet Ernie Kovacs wife, Edie Adams, touted Muriel cigars.

  147. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#146): The lovely Edie also starred on Broadway as Daisy Mae Scragg in Li’l Abner (1956), which won her the Tony Award for “Best Featured Actress in a Musical”.

  148. Poteet
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#147): And she WASN’T past her prime.

  149. Poteet
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    PV — Gawain, I’ll say it again — that Captain Hook ‘do does not become you.

  150. Poteet
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — Take MY advice, Niki — don’t request information from a grown man who wears his headgear like that. Especially since he’s an alleged doctor who should know a little about skin cancer and outdoor eye protection. Yeesh.

  151. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#149):

    I’m beginning to think Gawain and Aunt May share the same stylist!

  152. Sequitur
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#151): And the same fashion designer.

  153. Poteet
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#151): Yeah. When your hair is so bad it makes Mary Worth’s hair look good, it’s time to find a new salon.

  154. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 31st, 2011 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    RMMD: That’s right, you also have to make them laugh. It helps if you can get them to laugh with you, but Rex landed June simply by getting her to laugh at him, so now you know.

    BC: Okay, I laughed.

    Crock: If I were really, really impressionable, I might actually think that grafting a pair of testicles to my chin was the way to become a lady’s man.

    Ziggy: “Oh, the fish died weeks ago from all the algae. But isn’t he fragrant?”

    MT: “So if a man invites you back to his house to take a look at his pink iguana, make sure he’s from Volcan Wolf.”

    Luann: There are steampunk-themed installments of Luann. I’m not sure I know which way is up anymore.

    MW: Wait, the other waitresses at “Diner” thought that Gina worked hard? God, customers there must routinely storm into the kitchen and grab their own meals off the grill.

  155. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 31st, 2011 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#99):

    or maybe gorillas are extremely well hung.

    Nope.

  156. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 31st, 2011 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#1):

    SF: donotthinkaboutothercausesofscream . . . .

    Man, I totally missed that. If the Forths had a son instead of a daughter it could be an Arlo and Janis prequel.

  157. greghousesgf
    October 31st, 2011 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#155): although i suppose a lady gorilla would tell you it’s good enough for her….

  158. Droopy Says
    October 31st, 2011 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: “Shroom?” That explains the whole strip, doesn’t it?

    Family Circus and Crankshat: Ha. Ha. One rarely sees such biting wit outside of Shoe or Eht Kcud. Srsly, Keane, Bat-yech, this is how you have fun with the kids on Halloween? Whine about politics and money?

    Shoe: I figure that Brookins does the art and the other guy does the dialog. Somehow, they can’t keep in synch and their work gets shuffled together at random. For this art to work, the Fat Bird needs to tell the Bluebird of Misery “My God man you’re wearing Curtis shoes!” or “Oh good Lord your fly is open and someone turned you into a capon!”

    Curtis: You can’t watch that many horror movies at one sitting. I’ve tried.

    Rex Morgan, Mental Defective: Spider Webb is a juvenile? Since when? The Carter administration?

    EffYou Wankerbeat: Aggressive behavior among the zombies? The only aggression you see here is Les and his self-promotion.

    Mock Trail: So this is how a bear gets promoted in Canada? It kisses a Mountie’s ass? (Note to the Jackelrodball: When you start going on about Mommy McCreep’s saintliness, remember that she raised a paranoid, trigger-happy, dog-stealing, lowdown lawbreaking varmint of a son.)

  159. This Guy
    October 31st, 2011 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    10/31
    FC: I doubt this is a new panel, but thanks to the Keanes for reminding us of the absolute bog standard of facile, generic, and toothless political satire. You are the uncovered floor joists on which all minimally-competent humorists must lay their planks.

  160. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 31st, 2011 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#157): Yeah, I guess these things have a way of balancing out.

  161. Sequitur
    October 31st, 2011 at 1:19 am [Reply]

  162. dale
    October 31st, 2011 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    Although Mark Trail uses a lot of unnatural speech, I predict that Mother McQueen is not Sgt. McQueen’s mother. I think “Mother” is a family/clan term of respect.

  163. Mr. O'Malley
    October 31st, 2011 at 3:51 am [Reply]

  164. Mr. O'Malley
    October 31st, 2011 at 3:53 am [Reply]

    Rats. This link should work better.

  165. John C Fremont
    October 31st, 2011 at 5:43 am [Reply]

    FW – I had no idea there was a Family Circus video game, but there it is. Live and learn.

  166. Terry in Maryland
    October 31st, 2011 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Phantom: I am so confused. How did a story line about two Mexican wrestlers who are really the police chief and the local crime kingpin turn into a story about two boys (the sons of each of the wrestlers) being kidnapped by an Asian crimelord and taken to China? Even for Stripey, this doesn’t make sense.

  167. rich
    October 31st, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Sunday Zits: Just when you thought Jeremy could not be a more loathsome individual! Now you’re enlisting your #$%&ing FRIEND to make fun of your mother? Somehow I can’t picture myself doing a cruel imitation of my best friend’s mom – and right to her face! Or my best friend condoning or encouraging such a joke. A line was crossed here. What are these ungrateful $#!*s thinking? Although violence is never the answer, this is one time a punch right in the chops would deliver the proper message of respect. (PS, have I mentioned how much I cannot stand Jeremy and his friends??)

  168. 150
    October 31st, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    I read the top right-hand panel of Dennis the Menace as “ASSHOPPING.” Happy Halloween, everybody!

  169. Coksacact
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:50 am [Reply]

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