The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: Stop! COTW time

Sunday comics coming … Monday, probably, but the week’s comment of the week waits for no man! Or woman.

“‘I wish I had that stuff in my room’ is my new favorite pick-up line.” –BlinkAndItsOver

Also funny: The runners up.

“Gil Thorp reminds me of a seagull I once saw at the beach. It had no legs, and every time it came down to land it would seem genuinely surprised and flummoxed by its lack of legs and flap back up into the air. I must have watched it for half an hour. As with GT, at first you feel pity and wonder if the kindest thing would be to dash its brains out with a rock. But the longer you watch, the more you start to see it as a sort of cosmic metaphor for the absurdity of existence, full of tragedy and humour. But I’m still back at the ‘dashing its brains out’ stage with GT. Or dashing my own brains out. Either way.” –Old Bean

“The Phantom is going to torture the bad guys using Pavlov’s classical conditioning? Damn, this comic just got a heck of a lot more interesting, and a heck of a lot more boring, at the same time.” –Lammergeier13

“Dr. McWhitepants is only concerned that Drew is looking at a rap for statutory rape because no woman old enough to consent to sex would be caught dead in that hideous purple outfit.” –Tracer Bullet

“What on earth happened to Dr. Drew’s jaw between panel 1 and 2? In panel 1, he looks like his usual ‘Eddie Munster’ self. In panel 2 his jawline has the plant-crushing possibilities of an A. robustus, leaving us to wonder whether his improbable haircut is hiding the sort of sagittal crest we find on early hominids. Dawn probably is ‘too young’ for this unfrozen caveman.” –Frank Parsnip

“I imagine Margo would be quite a bit like a cheetah in the sack: a flurry of claws and teeth that ends in about three minutes.” –Tweeks_Coffee

“So why were the Shawna-Marie wedding guests searching for the Undynamic Duo? This is so obvious that it’s probably already been said, but maybe the guests had a moment of mass clarity and were seeking to kill them.” –Poteet

“So Thérèse talked Anthony into growing the mustache because it made him look professional, eh? And he talked her into having a baby she didn’t want. Golly gee, I guess that makes them even then.” –Eats Shoots And Leaves

“Wait, the desk manager recognizes MJ from Entertainment Tonight? This could ruin their vacation! Oh, television, you really ARE the only super-villain in Spider-Man!” –Trilobite

“You know, you gotta hand it to Françoise. Two years ago, she was nursing at the man-boob of her father. And now she’s giving him fashion advice. Maybe she’ll also tell him that his Sansabelt slacks make him seem old. Oh, and his view of women in the workplace, too.” –mumbles

“Why the heck is Nosy Older Doctor actually saying ‘wink’? What’s his next line going to be: ‘I bet she’s great in bed, what with those awesome titties! Erection!’” –Inspector Dim

“Whenever I’m trying to get a message across on the sly, I always make sure to say ‘wink’ as I do it, lest my salacious intent be confused for palsies.” –js

“I think you’re underestimating Leroy’s affinity for the avant-garde world of modern art, as he clearly seems to be sporting a pair of male leggings.” –Melissa G

“I’d always assumed that Judge Parker was a criminal court judge or something. I’m starting to suspect, however, that he is actually just a judge in the local wet t-shirt contests.” –Darkefang

“I don’t think I quite get the meaning behind Bill Ritter’s speech in Gil Thorp today. ‘The other guy can only run so far!’ Before being confronted by my junk, that is! Seriously. He can only go two panels max before I shove my crotch in his face.” –zooby

“I hope Françoise is just doing this to set them up with each other so that, while they’re busy obsessing over each other, she can escape the comic unnoticed. You go, girl. No, really, go. Far away from these freaks.” –commodorejohn

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This entry was posted on Sunday, August 12, 2007 at 09:25 pm and is filed under metaposts.

82 responses to “Metapost: Stop! COTW time”

Big Sims
August 12th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

Yea BlinkAndItsOver! And congrats to all the runners up!
Mooncattie
August 12th, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

Brilliant, bodacious comments!
And another week begins…..
Uncle Lumpy
August 12th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

Congratulations, BlinkAndIt’sOver — I wish I had that stuff in my room!
commodorejohn
August 12th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

Woot, runner-up! One of these days I’ll grab COTW, just like Bill Ritter will undoubtedly become a successful boxer.
Big Sims
August 12th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

Drat,
Killed a thread again, but please do read what I wrote Uncle Lumpy.
Harry Paratestes
August 12th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

Congrats to all on the commentary. On another note, I found it odd that I both started and ended the yesterthread. Hmmm, maybe I get the bookend award, with a prize of stale Fritos from Josh’s couch.
Crankier Word
August 12th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

I’ve been reading all lurky for a while, but I thought I’d tell you guys you all rock. Way to comment, team!
SecretMargo
August 12th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

Yay! All funny, but of course my heart is always with Old Bean and his vision of Jonathan Livingthorp Seagull.

and ps to #4 cj: just remember: Don’t loop it!
CrabbyGenes
August 12th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

About yesterthread (and ending the thread, killing the thread, etc): It ain’t over til the fat lady sings, and I for one keep checking the final comments long after the next thread has been started. (Which means: please go back and read the one I just left there, thank you very much.)
Brown-eyed Girl
August 12th, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

Funny all over again. Congrats all!
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 12th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

Congrats to the boss commenters.
#211 yesterthread, Big Sims,
Married as Batman and Catwoman? I was out of touch with FW at that point, so this is the first I heard of it.
Maybe that big cartoonist in the sky is a Marvel fan, and their irreverence cheesed him off. If Les and Lisa had dressed as Daredevil and Elektra instead she’d have a chance of seeing her daughter enter middle school.
Ah, who am I kidding.
MossMoses
August 12th, 2007 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

Poteet, congratulations on your HM. Maybe I need to just lurk for a while and attempt to figure out the pattern to posters who actually win COTW’s and HM’s nowadays. By crackie, I actually won a couple way back when but those laurels are getting really hard to rest on anymore.
Big Sims
August 12th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

CrabbyGenes,
It does say it all. “DRIBBLING GLURGE!”
t.a.m.s.y.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

Love the COTW, but Old Bean will always have a special place in my heart for the truest words ever written about the Thorpedo.
SecretMargo
August 12th, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

9:

“Stop-action Suppuration”?

“The Möbius Drip”?

“Infinite Pest”?

No, you’re right: “Dribbling Glurge” it is.
Buck Ripsnort
August 12th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

Just like playing the lottery, except it takes me all week to find out someone else won. Congrats anyway.
Big Sims
August 12th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

“Yea BlinkAndItsOver! And congrats to all the runners up!”

Yea? Yea verily!

Yay, al la S.Margo.

I shouldn’t be allowed near a keyboard, or at least a keyboard connected to a computer.
fizzy logic
August 12th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Congrats to all the winners! I always look forward to the recap of some of the funniest of the week.

Big Sims, you big sweetie! Thanks for your compliment back at the end of the previous post.
Big Sims
August 12th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

Aw shucks gosh & golly (Ms or Mr) Fizzy Logic!
BlueDane
August 12th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

I just had to come out of lurking to say this.

FW: It bothers me so very much that the chair next to Lisa is covered in chest hair. Terminal cancer notwithstanding, the Ron Jeremy easy chair leaves me with a cold, cold feeling.

BTW, all of you guys are great and hilarious and this site is awesome.
fizzy logic
August 12th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

#19 – Big Sims – It’s Ms, but I try not to be so formal. You can call me Fizzy, or just Fizz. Ms. Fizz, if you prefer, being from the south and all.

And I heartily endorse Dribbling Glurge. Not the glurge itself, but the name.

Welcome, all the lurkers who are first time posters today….
Benicillin
August 12th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

yay for blinky
fizzy logic
August 12th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

Benicillin – how’s that cough?
SecretMargo
August 12th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

20: OMG, they skinned Montoni!
Joe Btfsplk
August 12th, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

Blondie is in her undergarments today.

I have nothing more to say.
Uncle Lumpy
August 12th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean — Here comes the “Lisa testifies before Congress” sequence: “I’m dying: gimme, gimme, gimme!”
Frank Parsnip
August 12th, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

Wow. My first time making it –and I thought all that time spent in anthro 101 was wasted!

Quick notes on Sunday:

MT: The part about the octopus ink anesthetizing the sensory organs of predators might be true, but latest research indicates that octopus-eating sharks predominantly register a huge hissy fit over whether or not “this is going to stain”.

JP: I think we’d better lay off on the boobs comments for a while. Perhaps as retribution in today’s JP, we’re stuck with the enormous sagging mammaries of Rosa the dishwasher for vasts amounts of time and space until the action returns to O’Riley in the penultimate panel.

Upon being complimented for looking younger, O’Riley coyly mentions that her last husband was a plastic surgeon. Mmmmmmm… delish! Bet it wasn’t just botox and skin peels going on there. If all goes well, the rest of JP’s cast and crew can get discounted upgrades to triple-D status in no time and perhaps even Rosa will be able to get men nicer than Mr. Flattop McMullet.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
August 12th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

Thank all the great and hairy gods for “Funky Winkerbean.” Because it stands alone in recognizing that when people turn to the comics page, they’re really looking for health-oriented PSAs. If only more strips would realize this fact, they’d be ever so much more enjoyable. “Get Fuzzy,” for example, would be an endless series of “spay and neuter” panels (oh wait – we already have “Mutts” for that). FOOB would remain unchanged in content, but sponsored by The Committee on the Looming Northern Threat (an anti-Canada fringe group: also where Stephen Stills buys his jackets). And “Judge Parker” would be sponsored by the Freedom for America’s Breasts Society.
Mibbitmaker
August 12th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Moneyday (okay, I’m officially running out of goofy misspellings of the days of the week!):

FOOB: Ellie, even I wouldn’t make that rationalization. And stop looking like an ugly man in that last panel! Honestly!

FW: Oh, God, here it comes! I loathe cuts to vital needs, but I’m not too fond of this long-dreaded dopey storyline, either. Much as you might try, Batty, you can’t make me miss the budget-cruel Reagan administration with your upcoming self-importance! Well, one exception: I’ve long missed your strip from during the Reagan era (along with its preceding era, the ’70s, of course).
SecretMargo
August 12th, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

25: Does “loaf of bread” have some other connotation I’m unaware of? I try to keep up, but you heterosexuals and your weird slang — I’ve been trying to figure out “O’Riley” all weekend!
Poteet
August 12th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

Congratulations to BlinkAndItsOver and all the snarky float-riders! Including, wow, me.

# 12 — MossMoses, I am rooting for you to ride the float again, and I bet you will. Meanwhile, thank you, and on behalf of all of us who enjoy your comments, please keep posting.
Rainbird
August 12th, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

Josh, oh great one. Please let us all know what the hell was going on in B.C. and the Wizard of Id. I usually can figure it out, but it looks as though someone drew the pictures and someone else put in the words, and didn’t bother to try to make them work together.

Or perhaps the writer told the artist what he wanted, but was eating at the time, and his voice got all mumbly, and the artist couldn’t figure out what he wanted. Arrows and flowers? I think when he said that he meant substitube the flowers for arrows, not to stip the flowers on the arrows.

And WTF does the blue moon have to do with the Fat Chick being nice. Heck, perhaps it just means she got tired to bashing everyone in the head with her club.

Help Josh. Only you can figure these things out.
Jack Parsons
August 13th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

NatLamp lovers, hedzupp! Hadzak on utuub has NL’s Lemmings live show.

http://www.youtube.com/user/hapzak

Since he has the dreaded essss ennnn ellll in his stuff, it won’t last long. (Letters of a certain tv show that is not on friday night, )
SecretMargo
August 13th, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

30: So by “today,” you meant “Sunday”! Accept my apologies.

Though I’m still working on “loaf of bread.” It seems so dirty….
Uncle Lumpy
August 13th, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

Heh, heh. He said, “loaf of bread“! Hnugh, hnugh! Bread my loaf anytime gnaw’i'mean?
bats :[
August 13th, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

FOOB: Mr. bats happened to be reading some of the Monday comics with me, and we are just drop-jawed at this. Tuna noodle casserole AND burgers (plus everything else?). Hey, keep this up, Elly, and there will be two less of you, thanks to Mr. Coronary Heart Disease, come September!
Frank Parsnip
August 13th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

MW: Gotta love how Dr. Drew’s hair in panel 1 mushrooms up to Heat Miser proportions as he races about in his pink sportscar. That’s probably to make up for how his body has magically shrunk down to 90-year-old man proportions, leaving his shoulders well below the seat back and his eyes peering between the steering wheel spokes to see the road ahead. So that his legs can reach the pedals, the seat has been brought up to within inches of the gauges.

The ugly secret is that both Dawn and Vera are both “too young” for this man who is in all probability Dr. Jeff Corey’s grandfather.
Mibbitmaker
August 13th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

More 8/13:

9CL (last panel): That’s odd; that’s now Funky Winkerbean makes me feel.

JP: Rusty Duncan… Mary O’Riley… and now Red. Jeez, this woman has more names than Ray J. Johnson, Jr.! (Dare you guys to get that reference!)

MT: Oh, just get to the next dopey story already.

MW: Oh, brother! What dialogue (so to speak)! This strip is more “soap” than “opera” (and I don’t even like opera!).
Benicillin
August 13th, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

(cough)
Poteet
August 13th, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

Foob — So is this going to be Scarfin’ Two Kindza Dead Animals Per Meal Week, or Fun With John ‘n Elly ‘n Elly’s Huge New Chin Week, or what? Usually I can tell what the theme will be, and not knowing makes me nervous.
Red Greenback
August 13th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

Mibbit- “You can call me Ray, or ou can call me Jay,,,etc,”
True Fable
August 13th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

#38 mibbitmaker – “You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, or you can can call me Ray Jay or you can call me R. J. or you can call me R.J.J. – but you doesn’t have to calls me Johnson!”

Fable FTW. ;-)
True Fable
August 13th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

Heh. Fable for the second place, then. XD
Brown-eyed Girl
August 13th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

38. You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay….does that prove my creds, or do I need to dredge up some more?

Benicillin. Hey, where you been? Did they send you the the sanatorium for that cough? Sounds like they let you out too soon.
IdleDandy
August 13th, 2007 at 12:33 am [Reply]

OK, Monday’s GF shows we’re going on week 3 of Bucky’s pseudopolitical ranting, which makes me very unhappy. However, this one at least has the virtue of being amusing. I plan to work the phrase “like a Democrat at a gay atheist’s bake sale” into my everyday conversation.

I’m glad to know Jon Arbuckle hasn’t been completely broken by his cat, and can still at least fantasize about yanking all of Garfield’s hair out by the roots.

FOOB: Elly looks hideous in the last panel. She is scaring me. The spoonbill nose is unsettling, but the mannish chin is what’s really giving me the creeps.

Luann: OK, if my friend had a crush on my brother, I would never characterize this as us “liking the same guy,” but that’s what Bernice does today!

PBS: Have we seen this duck before? I haven’t been that faithful a reader. Either way, ducks are funny. The sentence, “You’ve come to the right duck” cracks me right up.

Notice I resisted the really bad pun there…
IdleDandy
August 13th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Wow, Ray J. Johnson jokes! I have definitely come to the right place. My dad and I quote, or paraphrase, that ALLLLLL the time.
Herro!
August 13th, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

That’s burgers with bacon? Looks like little black blobs of food of an unknown origin to me…wait, what’s this? Tuna casserole?…Has Elly been taking cooking lessons from Mary Worth?
Herro!
August 13th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

Wait…also, didn’t Sunday’s strip show Elly stuffing her gut to bursting capacity? If there was ever any mystery as to how Foobs get those super-sized behinds, it’s been dispelled by now!
Brown-eyed Girl
August 13th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

RMMD. Hugh: “I’ve behaved like a fool!” No, if you had anything to do with that car bomb you’ve behaved like a criminal. I love Rex’s beside manner: “Don’t bother me with you symptoms. I’m not interested.”

Foob. Well, obviously Ellie likes a good chaw. She’s tucked that burger between her cheek and gum so she can enjoy it for hours.

9CL. Um. ok. Not willing to spend the time to parse what that means.

Luann — Don’t be too sure that you and Bernice don’t mean the same thing.

Mary Worth. Gah! you people have got me reading Mary Worth! Gah! I’m going to call this one: Drew goes out with Vera because he’s got cold….feet about dating Dawn. Unhappiness, confusion and jealosy ensuse. Mary meddles. The plot continues until Moy and Giella run out of “trust your heart” cliches. This takes years. Vera accepts a promotion and moves to another state. Drew and Dawn end up together.

Can I stop reading Mary Worth now?
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 13th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

8/13, a holiday up here in Lil Rhody

A3G: It’s starting to look like the joke about Alan being a junkie wasn’t a joke at all. Shulock seems to be taking the story in that division. I trust that when he comes to visit LuAnn, Margo will be hiding the valuables.

DtM: Which ‘Mudge said that Dennis is only a menace to his school’s federal funding? After seeing this one, I have to agree.

Big Dog: Marm faces his own mortality. The slobbering and pouncing over the next few days will be especially poignant.

TDIET: People in Scaduto’s world often wish they had a machete.

C-Shaft: How precious is it that Fast Ed has a smiley face cup?

Archie: Freud alert! Archie’s mom a dead ringer for Betty! Maybe it would be best for all our peaces of mind if Archie kept after Veronica.

S-M: It’s entirely plausible that the burro would have bucked when Peter shot his web, sending MJ off to GwenStacyLand. Spidey’s secret superpower is apparently idiot luck.

JP: Since attorney T&A here went from being “red” to being “rusty” it might have made sense to give her, you know, red hair. Perhaps there were no translators available for the coloring gnomes.

GT: Kaz is about to utilize the most important tool in any investigator’s kit: random unfounded accusations.

Phantom: “What did you do with our daughter?” is a good question. A better one might be “How the hell do you justify your existence?”

BSt: If you told me that one of Monday’s comics would show a point blank shot of bare ass, Ballard Street would not have been my first guess. Maybe it should be. In any case, those who have fond memories of Andy Sipowicz in the shower, enjoy.

Garfield. Of course Jon Arbuckle has to steal the spotlight by daydreaming about shaved pussy.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 13th, 2007 at 1:04 am [Reply]

#45, Idle Dandy,
The duck served as mayor recently, although I think it ended badly. He and Rat do seem to be well-matched opponents.
Uncle Lumpy
August 13th, 2007 at 1:13 am [Reply]

AFKAB –

holiday up here in Lil Rhody

Founders’ Day? Roger Williams Day? Buddy Cianci Day? Coffee Cabinet Promotion Day? “Big Ange” Memorial Monday? Shore Dinner Day? The Cranston Day Festival?

I went to school up there, but I forget.
True Fable
August 13th, 2007 at 1:13 am [Reply]

Holy Mother Mary Worth, what a mind boggling evening.

First of all, congrats to BlinkAndItsOver and the HMs (Gail Martin’s opening band, no doubt!) for their mighty humor.

Second of all, after yesterday’s roar at FW, my snarking teeth are all in working order, sort of like when a shark tooth is replaced when it loses one in the line of work. Shark Snark, this week on Animal Planet.

Third of all, Monday’s offerings are every bit as bizarre as their Sunday predecessors. Let’s snark!

9CL Oh, quitcherbitchin’ and wear the floozie outfit, Sister. You wanted action, you’ll get it.
A3G Alan will make amends by…walking into a wall?!? Works for me.
BlondieThe grocery stores sell books of stamps, I suppose it’s only fair to expect the post office to sell bread. It’ll be crushed, of course, just like fragile packages, but it’s there all right.
C(MD) Oh, fuck you Cathy; just die already.
DtM Too Stupid To Menace.
FC “I guess you kids ate it during your feeding frenzy Sunday.”
FBoFW My queen Poteet tried to warn us about today’s Elly but omg, this required police tape and large flashing signs. Panel Two shows an interesting angle that makes her nose almost normal sized, if not for the knowledge that she’s sniffing most of it back up into her cranium. Panel Three has the dinner menu for two, evidently, two ravenously hungry lumberjacks who just got off work and need plenty of food; or two Pattersons looking to schlurp and schump their way to obesity. But Panel Four – oh sweet Peter and Paul, what the FUCK is that? It’s Elly’s hair and nose but John’s face. But wait, that’s John sitting next to it. WHAT AN UGLY PERSON!
Lynn! Congratulations on the receipt of your new Mrs. Potato Head drawing aide.
CancerbeanAaaand Tom starts his bid for this year’s Very SPECIAL Special Story Arc.
JP “Rusty” is more refined than “Red”? Well, I guess someone else took the “Boobie McBustline” moniker.
Luann Ewwww. Totally different reasons, my ass.
MF This just doesn’t make any sense. Not that it ever has, but today is especially shiny.
MT That’s Trailspeak for, “As soon as I can come up with a likely excuse to tell Cherry, I’ll be back for more lovin’.” Guess that frontal flashing she gave him worked.
I don’t care what the panels say. I think Our Man Mark and Sam Hills got it ON while the octopus were featured Sunday. You think that “ink” copy just happened to come to mind? No no no. That’s code for, “Mark Came, Mark Saw, Mark Conquered…and then Mark Came Again.”
MW Is he using a credit card to get into his own apartment? Boy, what some people will do to avoid paying for a new key from management.
RMMD Hugh’s Panel Two lament reminds me of the Blues song from “Adventures in Babysitting”. I can’t recall the lyrics exactly but I highly recommend the movie for a laugh anyway. And when you get to the blues club scene and the front man adds his two bits, you can sing along with Hugh then. Just add these other two lines: “The car has been blown up/ And Rex is still a Tool/ and it’s so hard…!” etc., double entendre and all.
S4th Thankfully, Ted pulled out of his destructive dive in time. It would have been good if he had answered, “It’s under this shirt, where it’s supposed to be.”
SecretMargo
August 13th, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

40: It’s actually “Gastrointestapocalypse Week,” which will continue with Liz running desperately to the bathroom, the hand to her mouth barely keeping the three gallons of ice cream she just consumed from geysering from her mouth as if from a nicked aorta after catching sight of her Limp Lipped paramour scratching his balls through his hiked-up red shorts in the backyard while Françoise tries in vain to teach le passé composé to Robin as the latter shoves greedy fistfuls of compost into his mouth, exclaiming, “Gwamma’s cassewoles a’da BOMB!”, to which his father will respond, “No, Robin, this is ‘the bomb’” and let out an air-siren-esque exhalation of the aftereffects of his mother’s cooking, prompting his father to return fire, and the ensuing Winds of War will continue to blow until a clueless, gas-masked Dee lights a match to ignite the pilot light of the new propane-fueled dryer she bought after getting fed up with Michael’s constant pranking with the cord on her electric one, and the Sunday strip will just be April returning from yet another arduous day at Neverending Junior High only to be silhouetted against the glare of both houses engulfed in extinguishing, purifying flame, never to return, forever and ever, amen.

Or at least, as Papa said, wouldn’t it be pretty to think so?
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 13th, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

#52, UL,
It’s Victory Day, formerly Victory Over Japan Day. I don’t really understand why we’re the last state to keep saying “In your face, Japan.” But at least I get a day off because of it.

Which of our fine houses of learning did you attend?
SecretMargo
August 13th, 2007 at 1:28 am [Reply]

55: Is it adjusted to be the first Monday of the week containing the 14/15th? I only ask because V-J Day (as observed in Japan’s timezone) is also my birthday, which I’ve always found ironic, especially when dating a Japanese dude who told me to remember his birthday because it was on Earth Day. “Guess what day mine’s on?” I had to reply….
Uncle Lumpy
August 13th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

#55 AFKAB

Oh, yeah. August. Bombs.

Brown, Ph.D. ‘76, before the downtown renaissance. Funky town back then. Ramon Patriarcha was in jail, and Dirk “no relation” Patriarcha’s lime-green Jag (license plate: “Killer”) was a fixture on the East Side. Him ‘n’ Buddy were this tight.
Trilobite
August 13th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

Monday’s comics leave me feeling achy and tired:

Mark Trail: On the one hand, he’s obviously blowing her off with that “In my business, you never know!” line; that’s what a normal person would say when he wanted to say “Hell, no, I’m never coming back” but didn’t want to make a scene. But on the other hand, Mark Trail is the kind of stultifying dullard who actually got excited about doing an update on his thrilling article about bird strikes at airports, so maybe he will.

I also get the impression that despite her degree in biology and the fact that she’s at least in her mid-twenties (if not older), Sam Hill really doesn’t know any men other than her father. Why else would she find the charmless, affectless block of wood wearing an all-khaki ensemble so appealing? I bet if you checked Mr. Hill’s basement, you’d find a lovely little playhouse, complete with a fence around it.

Dick Tracy: What? The baron has a chip in him? Tell me more! I AM RIVETED BY THIS SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS.

I know I keep coming back to this, but I am getting seriously freaked out by the arms in this comic strip. Look at Dmitri in panel one, his hands barely reach down to the top of his hips. Can you imagine being that guy, even for a day? How would you zip up your pants? The little hamster-claw hands I can maybe understand — hands are difficult to draw, or maybe all the people in the comic are just descended from carnies — but an entire planet full of people built like blockheaded tyrannosaurs? Gah! It’s too creepy for words.

The Glurging Horror that is FBoFW: Tuna casserole AND bacon-topped burgers for dinner, followed by a nice dessert of coleslaw and strawberry fudge sundaes. (And I seriously do not want to know why she’s planning on putting coleslaw on a sundae.) It must be nice to be able to eat like that whenever you want, knowing that the pounds will only go to your ass and your nose.

I really didn’t think anything could be more nauseating than watching Elly eat watermelon, but her potato-nosed man-face in panel 4 is a close runner-up. The fact that her husband has contracted a terrible case of Muppet-head just makes it worse.
Jym
August 13th, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

=58= DT (Trilobite): Wait. Slow down. You’re going a mile a minute. I can’t keep up. Now … what’s this about the Baron having a chip in him?
Jack Parsons
August 13th, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

On O’Riley and her plastic surgeon husband. There’s a quote somewhere from the LA wife of an LA plastic surgeon.

He’ll never leave me, as long as he can change me.
Spotted HØrse
August 13th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

FOOB cookery: The steamy, wafty deliciousness of Elly’s casserole steam will be forever enmeshed in my poor brain with the stank emanating from Robin’s diaper mass of a few weeks ago.

And Poteet? You were right about Elly’s face in panel 4. I shouldn’ta looked, I shouldn’ta, but I done it, an’ it’s too late for me.
Spotted HØrse
August 13th, 2007 at 2:57 am [Reply]

#58 Trilobite: Why do I ignore your FOOB warnings? Whyyyy?
TB Tabby
August 13th, 2007 at 3:10 am [Reply]

Nancy: A double dose of awesome! Not only is Fritzi lookin’ mighty fine, but there’s a picture of Pogo in Panel 1!

NS: Funny today.

OBH: Does an ant infestation warrant that sort of reaction?

SFx: As opposed to looking for the ladder with footprints leading up to it, or the one that’s wet?

TDIET: I’m fairly sure the grass covering the twon’s name is intentional in this case.

Zits: Whaa?! When did this strip go surreal?
Plinko Commie
August 13th, 2007 at 3:14 am [Reply]

What is that thing on Elly’s face under her glasses in panel 2 or 3? I think she’s about to be an honorary Winkerbean.
Pinback65
August 13th, 2007 at 4:00 am [Reply]

RMMD–Vanessa Redgrave is Joan Didion as Hugh Avery in The Year Of Interminable Whining.
Spotted HØrse
August 13th, 2007 at 4:01 am [Reply]

TDIET: Dorksburg? Isn’t that right next to Pudbury?

Congratulations to all our snarktastic, creative honorees!
Jack Parsons
August 13th, 2007 at 4:17 am [Reply]

Birthdays: heh. Mine is Columbus Day, 10-12-60. So, until ‘71 my birthday was a national holiday and we got out of school. Then Congress did the 3-day weekend, and suddenly school was not out on my birthday.

This was my first exposure to politics. Then came Watergate.
AppleGirl
August 13th, 2007 at 4:41 am [Reply]

Congratulations to all you funny COTW people. I haven’t ridden the float in a long time, but I sure have fun watching the parade!
Frank Parsnip
August 13th, 2007 at 5:26 am [Reply]

RMMD: “In today’s performance, the role of Hugh will be played by David Spade.”
Inspector Dim
August 13th, 2007 at 5:51 am [Reply]

Hooray, I made the list! Congrats to BlinkAndItsOver, that is damn funny.
John C Fremont
August 13th, 2007 at 6:01 am [Reply]

Foob – Dear God, she’s still eating!!

JP – Yes, it’s Rusty Duncan, now available with red hair. By Marx.
Big Sims
August 13th, 2007 at 6:29 am [Reply]

We have… sappy self-serving shlock topped with conceit, maudlin handling of ‘issues’ with sanctimonious resolutions. We also have poor writing, crummy artwork and ham-fisted love stories topped with glurge!

But you can’t call it junk comics if it’s drawn from scratch!

Feh Lynn, feh feh feh.
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
August 13th, 2007 at 6:29 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! THE COFFEE BREAK IS OVER, SO BACK ON YOUR HEADS! CHENNUX HAS RETURNED TO LOW EARTH ORBIT AND DISCOVERS THAT HE HAS ONCE AGAIN BEEN PASSED OVER FOR COTW! WATCH IN FEAR AS CHENNUX RIFFS WITH THE LIKES OF TRILOBITE AND POTEET!

DT: THE CHIP IS PROGRAMMED TO 12 GHz? THAT IS THE SAME FREQUENCY AS CHENNUX’S MICROWAVE! CHENNUX CAN MELT THE BARON’S CHIP AS IF IT WERE CHOCOLATE! HAHA!

FW: BY AN ODD COINCIDENCE, THE CONSTELLATION YOU CALL ‘CANCER’ IS CALLED ‘FUNKYWINKERBEAN’ ON ZYNEX! HAHA!

JP: ‘RUSTY’ IS A “REFINED” NAME? THAT EXPLAINS WHY SO MANY POPES WERE CALLED RUSTY! HAHA!

MT: MARK IS LOSING HIS TOUCH! TWO MOUSTACHES LEFT UNPUNCHED! PERHAPS HE CAN PUNCH SAM BEFORE HE LEAVES WESTVILLE! OR AN AIRPLANE! HAHA!

HAHA, SAYS CHENNUX, MELKARDAMMIT! HAHA!

RUNNING THE UNIVERSE IS EASY! COMEDY IS HARD!

END TRANSMISSION!
Vince M.
August 13th, 2007 at 6:51 am [Reply]

45 – That one FOOB reader compared the strip to ‘Popeye’ because Elly is turning into the Goon.
mnemonica
August 13th, 2007 at 7:01 am [Reply]

DT: The baron’s microchip isn’t going to help anyone find him unless Animal Control picks him up.
Spotted HØrse
August 13th, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

Ah, the apprenticeship of comic snarking continues sans float ride pour mois. I will cheerfully apply myself to celebrating the glorious comic prowess of the COTWers by stiffly and unathletically capering, hopping, and prancing before the float, scattering rose petals.
Inspector Dim
August 13th, 2007 at 7:20 am [Reply]

Popeye – That desert is still green! I’ve never seen cacti growing in grass before.

MW – Drew just can’t help being a bastard. What’s that meddlesome doctor friend of his going to say when he finds out about Vera? “Hey, Cory, I hear you’re dating two young ladies at once! A blond and a brunette! Wink wink!”

Crankshaft – Awesomely, Crankshafts’s morning paper is called “The Paper.”
AhClem
August 13th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

Rusty Runcan? Red? Melanie Haber? Audrey Farber? Susan Underhill? Betty Jo Bialoski?
Uncle Lumpy
August 13th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

Nancy!
SueAnn Suagean, Attorney at Law
August 13th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Tee-hee, that looks fun. I wanna try:

ATTENTION EARTHERS. PUT YOUR INFERIOR AUTOMOTIVE PRODUCTS IN PARK! SUEANN SPEAKS!

No wait, wait – here’s a better one:

OYEZ! OYEZ! OYEZ! ALL EARTHERS ARE ADMONISHED TO DRAW NEAR AND GIVE YOUR ATTENTION (woah, pal – not that close). SUEANN SPEAKS!

Wait a second.

Chennux?

Wally Chennux?

Squeeeeeee!*

[ * would one of you please be so kind as to emit a girly "squeeeeee" sound here? It captures the sentiment I wish to convey, but, as a rule, SueAnn do not “squee”]

Chennux, sweety, it’s me! SueAnn. SueAnn Suagean. We clerked together for Strom Thurmond. The ole rascal always thought you leaned too left for his tastes. No wonder he fired your scaley ass. [ Sad story: I had dinner with Thumpin’ Thurmond just before he died and I asked him if he had any regrets and he said “Regrets? Yeah, I had a few. But then again, too few to mention” which I thought was kind of weird, because wouldn’t it be, you know, the severity of the regret and not the number that determined whether it would tug at the ole’ heart-shaped space? I mean, drink the last of the milk 1000 times and nobody cares. But bury one cub scout in the backyard and suddenly it’s outrage this and monster that. ]

Anyhoo, so it looks like you’re doing well for yourself. “Emperor” huh? (Tee-hee. Yeah, and I’m “sober”). And you have a toy line? Schweet! I got approached to do a SueAnn action figure. Revell is on board to do the Beemer, but I can’t decide on yours-truly: hard-shell or plush? Hard-shell got the whole lead-paint irreversible-brain-damage dealio. But plush got the whole substandard-flame-retardant catastrophic-housefire dealio. Jeez, bitch, bitch, bitch. Do these people want a positive role model for the little brats or not?

Oh, and we’re doing a talking version. You know, pull the string and the kid basks in a patented SueAnn zinger. To wit:

Billable hours are a girl’s best friend.
Litigator? I don’t even know her!
Listen buddy, I can wreck your marriage without taking my bra off.
Title IX is for bimbos who can’t afford a SAT prep course.

That last one was after a couple of Glenlivets and I was getting punchy. Oh, and we’re doing a dog sidekick: Paralegal Beagle. You should consider that. (Instant. Revenue. Doubler.)

Well, big guy, next time you’re in D.C. look me up. I know this little place on Pennsylvania. After dinner we’ll go ride the Metro and deride the interns.

Nemo malus felix,
SueAnn
js
August 13th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

Wow, my first comment ever and it’s featured.

Now, for another six months of lurking!
Poteet
August 13th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

# 80 — SueAnn, you know you’re really a Curmudgeon deep inside. Admit it.

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