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You know what they say about men with big TVs…

Shoe, 8/12/07

Sunday’s Shoe is the latest in an occasional series I like to call “Jokes that hint distastefully at the Perfesser’s sex life.” The throwaway panel features a pointless statement about “eyes being well-rested” (one usually only talks about resting one’s eyes if one is a late-middle-aged uncle claiming not to be napping) that only serves to set up a punchline making hay from the Perfesser’s tendency to ogle women so blatantly that it makes them uncomfortable. Later, we get an extended riff that hints broadly at impotence, always a non-stop laugh riot, and then goes further by drawing a connection between the ability to achieve an erection and the ability to sit passively on the couch and receive hundreds of channels of mind-numbing, lowest-common-denominator entertainment. At least panel four can be enjoyed on its own because it looks looks like the Perfesser is contemplating jumping to his death.

Hi and Lois, 8/12/07

Gosh, Lois, those are good questions! Why is it that when it comes to this vacation, all the “good” parts for your kids involved “suffering” or “pain” or “humiliation”? Or “all of the above”? What would make them “enjoy” those sorts of experiences? Let’s ask someone who might have an “idea” about that:

Ouch, the truth hurts! Which is just how the Flagston kids like it.

Finally, Sunday’s Crock’s throwaway panel tells you pretty much all you need to know about the strip’s politics:

Equal rights, you say? Oh..oh indeed!

This entry was posted on Monday, August 13, 2007 at 07:14 am and is filed under Crock, Hi and Lois, Shoe.

60 responses to “You know what they say about men with big TVs…”

Gagott68
August 13th, 2007 at 7:16 am [Reply]

I’m here early and have nothing to say yet. Dang.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
August 13th, 2007 at 7:20 am [Reply]

This new Judge Parker story is keeping me up late at night.

Now if only June Morgan and Becka would walk in…

Wonder if this is a first?
Gagott68
August 13th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

FOOB (FOOD): Elly’s odd and ginormous head has been commented on in yesterthread, but it looks like not only is she a pig when eating watermelon, but her burger is running all down the front of her shirt.
Lulu
August 13th, 2007 at 7:22 am [Reply]

Meanwhile, over in JP we are done with the boobies: Welcome to ass week, baby!
Reynard Noir.
August 13th, 2007 at 7:24 am [Reply]

She’s back! Huzzah!

We “missed” you, oh mighty Finger-Quoter!
amy
August 13th, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

An airport shuttle? The dude ranch has an airport shuttle? Wow. Do they change out the vinyl sign on the side of the bus depending on what they are doing that day: “Grocery Shopping”; “Bull Castration”; “Desert Body Hiding?”
Inspector Dim
August 13th, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

I would like to point out that Crankshaft’s morning paper is called “The Paper.”

Send complaints to:

Crankshaft
100 The Street
The Town
The State
The Country
The ZIP code
True Fable
August 13th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

BB Super bad case of jaundice in panel 2. The coloring gnomes really enjoy the color yellow, they pour it on nice and thick. Sort of like their bias.
Curtis Give it up, kid. No man can complete with a floor to ceiling mirror in a narcissist’s bedroom.
FW But Holly doesn’t WANT you to go with her, Lisa. You’re depressing enough in just a visit for five minutees.
Jude
August 13th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

Finger-quotin’ Margo?

“Sqee”!
Squawk
August 13th, 2007 at 7:36 am [Reply]

I think I’ve finally figured out Shoe — it’s The Wind in the Willows for grumpy old farts.
Shave Ezra
August 13th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

Josh – you made me read Crock. Hhmph.

Well, in Sunday’s installment:
( http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070812&name=Crock )
there are not one, but two grammatical errors:

a) bias is a noun, not an adjective
b) if the object is plural, the verb should be “are” not “is”

Is this like Slylock Fox for remedial English?
Spotted HØrse
August 13th, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

#8 True: Holy crap! You’re not kidding about the coloring gnomes. This lil’ morsel of color selection in Beetle Bailey is straight out of WWII propaganda.

Maybe the dude’s made out of cheese.
Inspector Dim
August 13th, 2007 at 7:41 am [Reply]

What will Lisa say to Congress once she gets there?

“Hi. I’m Lisa Moore. I have cancer. Check your prostates. Cancer cancer cancer. Did I mention that I have cancer? So don’t cut funding for whatever. Otherwise I’ll give you cancer.

I said check those prostates! Now! Don’t make me call the Shocker!”
McManx
August 13th, 2007 at 7:41 am [Reply]

H&L – A Flagston family vacation = Bataan Death March. Adults stumbling wearily along with soulless eyes while their diminuitive tormenters press them along the way.
Buck Fuffalo
August 13th, 2007 at 7:46 am [Reply]

Beetle Bailey: Beetle is either preparing for a hike or dealing with constipation.
lettuce
August 13th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

How soon until we find out these past few busty weeks in Judge Parker were just Grampa Patterson’s latest mid-stroke daydream? Because I have to catch a flight.
Inspector Dim
August 13th, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

#8 True Fable: At least we get to see Corporal Yo again? The only character who appears less is Lt. Flap (or possibly Sgt. Lugg’s cat). …I remember when Yo was introduced. There was actually an article in my local paper about it–as if having an Asian (OMG!) character with slits for eyes was some sort of huge deal.

Then again, they also ran an article about Gizmo when he appeared. Jeez!
craigharris.com
August 13th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

Perfesser’s comment sounds like a prelude to a bad Viagra commercial: “Has YOUR cable ever went out in the middle of the BIG GAME?”
I Hate Ann Arbor
August 13th, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

You’re a plugger if you view the loss of cable television as a worse fate than erectile dysfunction.
mcmc
August 13th, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

Sunday’s FBOFW was frightening: I thought Ellie was going to cap off her meal by tearing the limbs off a small child and gnawing them to the bone. I’m surprised that everyone else didn’t run away from the picnic screaming.
Inspector Dim
August 13th, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp – Can I just tell you how happy I am that we’re lingering on the saddest little bald drummer in the world? He’s great! “I own a little house and my van’s paid off, thanks to Gail Martin.” What he isn’t mentioning, but should be obvious, is that the van and the “little house” are one and the same.
Godzooky
August 13th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

#58: Trilobite, COTW thread re: today’s FOOB: “Tuna casserole AND bacon-topped burgers for dinner, followed by a nice dessert of cole slaw and strawberry fudge sundaes.” Some might think the cole slaw is supposed to go with the burgers, but oh, the mix of cabbage, carrots, mayo, vinegar, and celery salt with strawberry fudge…Heaven!

Sunday’s JP: Don’t complain, people. Before the plastic surgery, Rusty was the spitting image of Rosa.
hypochrismutreefuzz
August 13th, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]

Elly smacking on the watermelon sounds like an old toothless whore sucking an asshole. Right now I am going to immerse myself in Darwyn Cooke’s “Will Eisner’s ‘The Spirit’” just to get the taste of the sound of the foob out of my mind.

Speaking of Gail Marten, wasn’t there a character named Gail Marten in “The Human Duplicators”, which was an episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000, which was the greatest show evar?!
AeroSquid
August 13th, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

Shoe: What exactly is ‘The BIG Game’ ? Croation Crotch Wrestling ? Tokyo Community College for Girls Cream Corn Wrestling Semi-Finals ? What do Aviamorphs watch on ESPN ?
Gagott68
August 13th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

# 23: What’s your point of reference re: Elly’s sounds? Nevermind, I really don’t want to know.
Spotted HØrse
August 13th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

Marvin: Can anyone, anywhere clue me in to the gag? Okay, so Marvin’s tempted by something in his left hand that looks like a card or sticker or something, and equally tempted by his right thumb (?). Geez, this is really impenetrable.

It’s pathetic to note that this pisses me off.

On a brighter note, thanks for directing me to (DT)GT, Inspector Dim! I thought we were still lingering over sweaty boxer crotches. Sad little bald drummer is even better!
Dennis Jimenez
August 13th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

A3G – Riding high – how apropos – make amends – yes, please toss Luann’s paints and brushes – no more flowers or sad, big eyed puppies, please.

FBoFW – Junk in the trunk food, Elly.

RMMD – Yes, Hugh – accessory to murder is no big deal – spill you weasely little snitch.

JP – My ex thought my tea-bagging technique had started to slide, so he called me Rusty Dunkin’.

FC – You know – the one where you are chest deep in water, to help support your weight and keep the flies off.
Islamorada Girl
August 13th, 2007 at 8:17 am [Reply]

S-M: I have a question for all you Marvel geeks, What does The Shocker do for a living? Or can he earn a living wage being The Shocker or does he have a second job at Wal Mart? Is there a Mrs. Shocker and some little Shockers? What occupation does he list on his tax returns? Electrician? What?

Also, I’m concerned about Dr. Strange’s credentials. Is he an M.D.?
Ph.D.? D.D.S.? If he’s in the health care field, how does he get malpractice insurance? If he’s a Ph.D., is he a D.L.L.? D.D.?

Or is he some kind of self-annointed quack whose doctorate came from the back of one of his own comic books?
True Fable
August 13th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

#27 Spotted Horse – Re: Monday’s Marvin What Is It

Guesses from the House of Fable:

1. curled up dollar bill
2. camera
3. box of light bulbs
4. suppository
5. pacifier (ding ding ding ding ding ding ding!)

Beyond that, it’s open season on what the hell that is.
Calico
August 13th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

FOOB – Oh, wow – the bingefest continues.
Could the Tuna Casserole be a shout-out?
I don’t think I’ve ever eaten burgers, casserole, and sundaes all in the same sitting.
Christ, retirement and the Empty Nest syndrome must be so damn boring in Milborough that all the elder Patterhogs can do now is shovel down truckloads of food all day, every day.
Next – John roasts a pig in a pit, and Elly stirs up a 5 gallon bucket of mashed potatoes with a pound of butter.
For the main course, though, they grill an entire cow, to be glomped down with 19 boxes of Kraft Dinner (original).
Dessert consists of 5 Black Forest cakes-each.
dreadedcandiru2
August 13th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

FBoF(EEEEEEEWWWWW)W: More of Elly and John eating artery-clogging foods to celebrate April’s blessed absence. I’d sooner read about Cancercancercancer than watch two jerks who make me feel like the weakest member of the Donner party.

FW: #13: I’d say Lisa might make great TV, ID! After all, how better to show Congress how serious the issue is by displaying the corpse of a cancer victim!

GA: Here’s where Slim’s master plan falls to itty-bitty bits: the unholy din that chopper is making is gonna make a lot of people mighty suspicious.

9CL: The young lady we see today has just learned an important lesson: Be yourself. Especially if it means not being like the huffy, stubborn, arrogant, idiot tramp with the ponytail.
Calico
August 13th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

FC – “Do you know what a ‘Circular File’ is, Dolly?”

#23 – That sound reminded me of when I was in my garden one night, and a big black beetle was chowing down on a worm. Absolutely something I need to flush out of my brain matter forever, with battery acid.
GotFuzzy
August 13th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

FOOB: Is Lynn self-medicating for glaucoma? Because it seems like she has a raging case of the munchies. Calico, I do think the tuna casserole was a Curmudgeon shout-out.

Pluggers: This one is almost as random and pointless as the “Pluggers are boggled by twist ties” from a few weeks ago. Could we just have one captioned “Pluggers are big lazy piles of carbon-based protoplasm” and be done with it?

TDIET: I had always wondered where Dorksburg was. Now, thanks to Rob’t Mastroni (note to Scaduto–if you remove letters from a word and note it with an apostrophe, you don’t need to use a period at the end of the word), I can surmise that it’s near Trumbull, CT.

PBS: Best. Lawyer’s shingle. Ever.
Inspector Dim
August 13th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

#28: I’m guessing the Shocker works for Harvey Birdman’s law firm (Sebben&Sebben) in some capacity. I wonder if he got that thing I sent him?
Calico
August 13th, 2007 at 8:30 am [Reply]

#33 – two words –
Flin Flon

The ‘Burbs are alive, with the sound of Elly…
Ginger Yellow
August 13th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

I don’t know Crock at all. Is it supposed to be a cross of the Wizard of Id with BC? And can you imagine what would have happened if he’d done the equivalent strip with “Equal rights for African-Americans”?
Edgy DC
August 13th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

The “big game”?

Is that where the home team plays their arch rival with playoff hopes at stake? Who knew the Perfesser was an alumnus of Dawn’s ambiguous univiersity.
Spotted HØrse
August 13th, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

#29 True: Man! That is one big ass pacifier! Rectangular, even. Thanks, I seriously doubt I’d have gotten that.

#30 Calico: “Glomp down” is a great expression. I’ll find lots of occasions to use it.
Canaduck
August 13th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

I don’t understand “when Mommy thought she ‘heard’ a snake.” Shouldn’t “snake” be the word in quotes, if anything? Since Mommy only thought she heard a snake, quotes aren’t really necessary at all…eh.

Watch out for snakes!
Inspector Dim
August 13th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

39: MST3K FTW!
scan
August 13th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

In her video to her daughter, Lisa should start a conga line saying Cancer, Cancer, Cancer! …Cancer, Cancer, Cancer!…Cancer, Cancer, Cancer! Now, that’s a video worth playing at her future wedding.
scan
August 13th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

Re: FW In her video to her daughter, Lisa should start a conga line saying Cancer, Cancer, Cancer! …Cancer, Cancer, Cancer!…Cancer, Cancer, Cancer! Now, that’s a video worth playing at her future wedding.
scan
August 13th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Oh, and what happened to Chuck Mangione? First he appears on King of The Hill, now he’s resorted to driving a School bus shuttle to the airport for the Flagstons.
Electro
August 13th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

Shoe brings up an interesting point, namely is jumping off a tree an effective method of suicide for a bird? What if that bird was morbidly obese and drunk?

Of course there’d be more comedic value in him auto-asphyxiating with the television cable while trying to simultaneously improve the reception on the ‘big game’ and overcome that pesky erectile dysfunction. Perhaps he’s attempting to recruit the bird in the cowboy hat as a spotter.
Foobar
August 13th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

We need newspaper comics that don’t refer to the civil rights movement as “Trouble Ahead”.
queek
August 13th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

28: I-Girl, Dr. Strange is a MD. He was a famous brain surgeon, got into a car accident that damaged his hands, and he went looking for a cure. He ended up learning magic from Earth’s Sorceror Supreme, and inherited the position after the death of the previous one. Yes, I used to be a comics geek. :-)
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 13th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

“Used to be”? And we continue to let you hang out here? :)
odinthor
August 13th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

#28 — Islamadora Girl — It’s always possible that he underwent the same academic training as Billy Gilbert’s apoplectic character in Laurel & Hardy’s The Music Box: “Dr. Theodore Schwartzenhoffen, M.D., A.D., D.D.S., F.L.D., F.F.F. und F.” Both seem to have similar levels of eccentricity, doubtless an important part of the degree program. I think it’s probably the “und F.” component.
Helena Handbasket
August 13th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

Sigh… I’ve held out for so long as a lurker, and I can’t believe I’m de-lurking to defend “Crock” of all things, but I think perhaps the grammatical errors are an attempt to be “French”. After all, they’re supposed to be the Foreign Legion, right? Try reading the text with a ridiculous accent and it almost sounds reasonable.
Josh Millard
August 13th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

So Lois seems to be “sitting on a cactus”, IYKWIM.
Josh Millard
August 13th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

Also, IYKWIM, please let me know because I haven’t really figured it out.

Key thing, though: SITTING ON A CACTUS.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 13th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

Damn, it’s fine to see FQM again.
Mibbitmaker
August 13th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

Shoe (the main post): All the cable thing is about with the Perfessor is a means to watch organized sports. That’s the passive couch-sitting in a mind-numbing lowest common denominator pursuit.

In my case: All in the Family, M*A*S*H, Cheers, NewsRadio, Moonlighting, Arrested Development, The Office, Monty Python, My Name is Earl, Joan of Arcadia, Veronica Mars, Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, etc., etc… Not exactly mind-numbing, lowest common denominator.

Okay, I have one guilty pleasure (I Drean of Jeannie), and I’m not sure how the one “reality show” I like (American Chopper) fares with the TV-adverse intelligencia, plus there are other shows I like that don’t serve my defensiveness as well as the list of my most favorite —– but still…
Paperback Rifler
August 13th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorpè: Count me in on the “happy to see Gail Martin’s sad, sad drummer guy” bandwagon. That’s pretty cool, though, how our Gail is the reason that drummer and inveterate sad sack Cliff Wrobek has a house and van, even if the two things turn out to be the same thing. Gail does so many good things for so many people, it’s as though she’s the anti-Thérèse. We all know that Thérèse (as retroactively scapegoated by Lynn) is responsible for all that is unspeakably horrible in the world (like Anthony’s mustache); but what we had not seen before is that Gail Martin is responsible for everything that is good (like Anthony’s falling into an open sewer and dying). Between the two of them, good and evil in the universe are always in equilibrium.

“But,” you may ask if you’re not already scrolling frantically to the next post, “what evidence is there of such a Gail/Thérèse dichotomy of good and evil?” Well, let’s compare, shall we?

Thérèse: Allegedly inspired Anthony to grow a horrible mustache.
Gail: Allegedly inspired Mark Trail to punch people with horrible mustaches via her 1968 classic, “This ‘Stache Is Bound for Punching.”

Gail: Set up drummer and inveterate sad sack Cliff Wrobek with his house and van, which was totally worth it since she managed to make Cliff happy.
Thérèse: Set fire to Michael’s apartment building, which was totally not worth it since she didn’t manage to make Michael die.

Thérèse: Responsible for making Grandpa Jim have a stroke, causing Jim to have irreparable brain damage by cutting off cerebral blood flow.
Gail: Responsible for making Kaz punch a drunk, causing the drunk to have irreparable brain damage by punching him directly in the brain.

Gail: Was a party to Kaz’s getting hired for security.
Thérèse: Was a party to Anthony’s procreating.

Gail: Polite enough not to point and laugh at the fact that Kaz’s earrings are “pearlies.”
Thérèse: Impolite enough to point and laugh at the fact that Anthony’s genitals are internal.
Vince M.
August 13th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

GT: I just bought the Tex Avery ‘Droopy’ dvd set, and now have a voice for the saddest little bald drummer in the world.
Vince M.
August 13th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

28 – Islamorda Girl – re. Dr. Strange: Junior college upstate, Communications major, minor in Women’s Studies.
Kenny
August 13th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Maybe I’ve been out of “the game” for a while now, but I didn’t even CATCH the sexual reference in SHOE. Thanks, Josh, for making me face the truth that my sexual inactivity isn’t related to “just being too busy” since my last relationship.
Snicker
August 13th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

…because it looks looks like the Perfesser is contemplating jumping to his death.

…

They’re BIRDS.

Dammit Josh, not you too!
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
August 14th, 2007 at 1:52 am [Reply]

Sex isn’t very reliable in the World According to SHOE. Your companion is a TV. It is less trouble than actually going out to meet people. It doesn’t seem too far from prostitution, because you need to pay for basic cable. And you can often be left hanging when your interest doesn’t arrive.
Charles Brubaker
August 14th, 2007 at 2:15 am [Reply]

#36: Crock was a brainchild of Brant Parker, who’s better known for “Wizard of Id,” so yes, there IS a Wizard of Id connection.

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You know what they say about men with big TVs…

60 responses to “You know what they say about men with big TVs…”

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