Metapost: Viva Las COTW!
Happy Sunday, everybody! It’s time for this week’s … comment of the week!
“Uh-oh, some man with facial hair thinks he can build a shopping mall somewhere near the Lost Forest again. I just hope his jaw insurance is all paid up.” –Trilobite
And the runners up also brought the funny:
“I’d have to say that eatin’ shitloads of greasy stuff is the most endearing Patterson family trait I’ve ever been privy to.” –Keg of Curd
“Shoe brings up an interesting point — namely, is jumping off a tree an effective method of suicide for a bird? What if that bird was morbidly obese and drunk?” –Electro
“That third panel is hysterical. Sam’s moving in for a relatively chaste peck on the cheek, and Mark is all tensed up with that wooden smile frozen on his face as though he’s thinking to himself, ‘Oh, no! The human female is preparing to initiate physical contact, which will only confuse and repulse me!’” –Paperback Rifler
“If the Shocker would only change his name to what he really is — the Golden Sausage Golem — he would get a lot more attention and respect. And maybe even a lucrative PR job at Hickory Farms.” –Squawk
“Dr. Drew continues to wrangle for every man’s dream: a threesome with a reserved and withdrawn workaholic with brother issues and a horse-crazy college student with a developmental age of 11. Godspeed.” –Nothing But Neck Scarves
“Hey everybody! Did you know the Shocker is a sex act? Oh yeah! It’s when Rex and June do it!” –Trotzenbonnie
“Josh can use Margo’s likeness on merch because Margo is ‘public domain.’ *rimshot*” –Red Greenback
“Next week: The Shocker sits around and draws pictures of himself standing with fists raised, captioned ‘The SHOCKER!’, while insistently humming ‘Something’s Coming’ from West Side Story.” –Old Man Muffaroo
“My first impression was that Elegant House Fine Dining had suspended some kind of huge lead ball outside their door, presumably to drop on customers who order hamburgers. (‘I do beg your pardon. We seem to have crushed your son beneath our conveniently located wrecking ball. If the large-headed young gentleman still desires his “ham burger”, he would be advised to take his custom next door to Shit Barn Food Trough.’) But it might be some sort of circular swinging blade. The artwork leaves this open to interpretation.” –Old Bean
“My name is Lisa — feel my pain!/ I’ll shortly die and moulder/ The Baron’s chip is in his brain/ I wear mine on my shoulder.” –Uncle Lumpy
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August 19th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Kudos to the COTW and all the runners-up! Uncle Lumpy’s poem laid me out flat laughing.
August 19th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
So “COTW” is a feminine noun?
August 19th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
If the Commentor is female, then yes. I guess.
August 19th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Holy crap! I don’t know how to act. I feel like I just made it past the velvet ropes at Sugar’s!
Congrats Trilobite and runners-up!
August 19th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
I’m back… sort of. Probably not intensively. Thanks for asking, those of you who noticed I was gone.
Congratulations to all the excellent COTW winners and runners-up. I think Uncle Lumpy’s actually deserves a special poetry/wordplay award.
And now….
Credit Where Credit is Due, after a week of not reading comics or snarkage, except Josh’s, and except for dipping in here and there when something caught my eye edition;
Trotzenbonnie: excellent and even touching rant about Lisa’s plan to testify before Congress. Thanks. I really like your phrase that you’re “more than a tumor’s previous address.” And a week or so later: Softball season starts in February, but I think they do open practices along about October.
Monkeyhawk: Your story about flying as a clergyman totally cracked me up. That is one of the most excellent ideas I have ever heard. It’s even better than flying with a 90-year-old blind woman, which I have done, and which also gets you upgrades and special attention, but no flirting.
Flipper: Very nice squirrels.
Ivan Lermolieff: You will feel better soon, I am sure. Your wife is an idiot. Enjoy the blog!
Congratulations to willethompson on his upcoming novel, and to Dean Booth on his TDIET.
Josh: Your professional snark has been exemplary, as always. One small quibble. When you pointed out the mistakes in the Sunday Crock you didn’t mention that saguaros ONLY GROW IN THE SONORAN desert, which ONLY EXISTS IN NORTHERN MEXICO and SOUTHERN ARIZONA, melkardammit!
August 19th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Congratulations Trilobite and fellow runners-up!
(Wow, I got it in right under the wire. Sure glad I had that time in church this morning to work out the meter!)
What’s that, God? Hell you say!
August 19th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Well, we have no Aldo-strength dramas, but we do have Drew the Playa in Mary Worth, and Sam and the Knocker Girls in JP. We’ll ease into fall.
I’m not including Lisa Moore in Funky Wankerbean. That’s not so much drama as it is deliberate tear-jerking. Just let her die, Batiuk. Give it a fuckin’ rest, you know you’re going to have a two-month long wake for her as it is.
Divine O’F, it is a thrill to see you here again! :-)
August 19th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Congrats to all the COTWers! I bow to your superior wit.
So I think we have to assume that Vera is going to do something stupid like go run and blab to Mary about the lip nibbling she and Drew have been doing. Mary is really going to have to squeeze her sphincter shut to keep that bit of meddling in.
August 19th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Nice batch this week – congrats to all!
August 19th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
#6 – Uncle Lumpy
Sheesh! As if creating the whole friggin universe wasn’t enough, God wants credit for your poem, too?
The Divine O’ F – Hey! Good to hear from you – although I did catch you on WordSmack this a.m.
From two (?!) threads ago…..
Squid Countess – Damn! You made my eyes water! I’m really touched. And yes, I miss my husband and my son (I only had one although it sure seemed like more at times!). I get so pissed when people say they can’t wait until their kids leave home or they’re glad when their spouses leave town. These are the people you’re supposed to love, dammit! If you have to be around people, hell, it might as well be them. My first husband died when he was only 47, just two years after my cancer thing so it’s hard to take anything for granted.
Fizzy Logic –
Wow! I’ve seen that “movie” seven times already (if you looked inside my head right now you’d see a little bird flying out of a clock saying “Cuckoo! Cuckoo!” just like in the cartoons) and I must say, you have nailed it. It pissed me off that the kid had to choose his friends over his own dreams. What the hell?
August 19th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Yay Trilobite! And yay for the other winning snarkers! And Uncle Lumpy, I made my yesterthread comment about your verse before I knew it had made the list.
And welcome back, Divine! Thank you very much for pointing that out about saguaros. I’m no desert expert, but even I knew that they don’t grow on other continents. Geez.
August 19th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Congrats to the winners!
Necroposting, but only because I want to start a discussion of sorts:
FOOB: So Liz and Anthony’s idea of foreplay is asking each other shallow, personal ad-type questions that they probably already know the answers to?
Let’s make this a more useful exercise. How about some questions that Anthony and Liz actually need the answers to?
Here’s my first suggestion:
Anthony: How do you feel about confined spaces?
August 19th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
To start off a new thread, some teachings of Master Soft Heart:
Pope Josh summoned all his Curmudgeons to enlightenment. But instead of preaching, he but held aloft a Gil Thorp strip. None of the Curmudgeons could understand this, but for Master Soft Heart. Seeing him smile, Pope Josh realized that Master Soft Heart had recognized that the snark was not to be apprehended through reason, but instantly grasped through zen Enlightenment.
Master Soft Heart went forth; from thence he would teach his disciples with koans, riddles to free Curmudgeons from the tyranny of mind.
Imagine Al Scaduto writing Dick Tracy. How could they do it every time, since time in Dick Tracy has ground to a halt?
How can Blaze be gay, since all the men in A3G are asexual?
If Peter Parker does not watch a television program, has it been broadcast?
How can the Phantom be the Ghost-Who-Walks, if all he does is swim to a boat and then stand around?
With these and many such koans did Master Soft Heart endeavor to Enlighten the Curmudgeons.
August 19th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Master Soft Heart once chewed a large beef bone into paste and took it to an animal shelter, so that the bone-paste could be enjoyed by elderly dogs that had lost their teeth.
August 19th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Trotz: what’s your Squack name?
August 19th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Yay, all COTWers! Trilobite’s one of my fave posters and should always be encouraged. I’ve been missing virtually all week (yes, I have) because I’ve been doing needlework, and I can’t figure out how to hand-sew and use the computer at the same time. In trying to catch up, I saw two comments that I wished had made it:
Non Compos Mentos-That’s not a talking vagina, that’s just her answering cervix. I’m so sad I’ll never be able to work that into conversation; not even at the gynecologist. And …
Uncle Lumpy- Here comes Missionary Position and his dog, Style! From an original premise by Poteet, I believe.
Trotzenbonnie – You don’t have the kid in Spain that you talk to on skype? Darn it – I’m usually so good at this. All right, who has the kid in Spain?
WilleThompson So cool about the book!! Congratulations! Is it humorous? You are teh funneh, so it seems quite possible.
Speaking of achievements, she said, jokingly, you remember back in June when I asked y’alls opinion about which photo to enter in a newspaper contest? Well, I entered and I did win the first prize, which was $100.00, and I was quite pleased. That was for the July 11th issue. They said they were going to put all the photo entries online. Which they did, starting with second prize, not 1st prize. Why start with second prize? “Because 1st prize is on the cover,” they said. Well, yes, it was, for a week, I said, but now the week is over and the first prize picture isn’t pictured.“Ooohhh”, they said, ” We’ll fix that. ” And they never did. So if you’d like to see every photo entry but the winner, go to GraingerToday.com and have a look. I kid you not. Actually there’s a really cute picture on the cover right now of two kids showing a steer, which would send True Fable into ecstasy if it was a goat.
August 19th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Congratulations to all the COTWers, winners and runners-up, who aren’t me once again dammit! Sorry – I shouldn’t have typed that in my out-loud voice.
Re FOOB: I’m sorry to say, but I’ve gone over to the other side: these two are obviously utterly right for one another, and their getting together will surely prevent two future divorces, should anyone else have married either of them. I’m trying to imagine how this “romantic” dinner event was arranged: “Let’s eat at Chez Beaucoup-Buxe, but first: let’s each write up a list of the traits we most desire in our entirely hypothetical partner! And then let’s read them to one another, as if we’re doing final inspection on some piece of military hardware about to be sent on its initial run, inanely saying ‘check!’ after each item! I’m sure the whole scenario will move our fellow diners, the waitstaff, and the management to…wow, I never knew people could be so overcome with joy for their fellow human to actually vomit!”
August 19th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Damned sloppy proofreading: the second paragraph of my above post should instead read as follows:
BLEEAARRRGGGHHHH!!!
August 19th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Wow! COTW RU! I’m speechless! I actually did not expect this honor so I literally didn’t have a speech prepared. So how are the accommodations on the float? Do we have to stand up, and if so, does the float have those u-shaped stantions that support our backs so we don’t fall over, or are there some thrones on board we can sit on? (I’m no spring chicken, y’know.) Anyway, I’m gushing (in a good way). Thanx!
The Divine O’F-It is so good to hear from you again!
More good news: I don’t know how it happened, but I managed to get a second NYer caption submitted!
August 19th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Congrats to Trilobite and the COTW runners up. As an added bonus, Red is throwing veal from the float!
And a tip o’ the hat to the Countess for your photo skillz.
Also, a MW repost: Following in Aldo’s Shoes.
August 19th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
It occurs to me that I haven’t been keeping up with housekeeping:
Congrats, COTWers!
Willethompson – loved the first three chapters, can’t wait to read the rest of the book when it comes out. Looking forward to sending some of my money your way in Spring of 2008.
Divine O’F – I have been gone much of the past week or so myself, but I have noticed your absence and missed you. Glad to see you checking in and I see that you’re kicking ass and taking names on SquidWordCrack. Not like some of the insane people around here that win every game in 30 seconds or less, but if I can check in there and see you’re doing okay, I feel better. But when you post here, all is well.
Let’s see, what else – Dingo, hope that lucrative PowerPoint job sticks around for a while.
Dub, glad to hear you’re back. Sorry again for your losses.
Ivan, hang in there.
SecretMargo, hope your Grandma is doing better, or at least you’re feeling better.
alamo, good to see you back and hope your cat feels better soon.
Squid Countess, congrats on winning first place in your photo contest. All the pictures you showed us were beautiful, so they were all winners in my book.
Trotz, hang in there – for purely selfish reasons – I’ll need someone to talk me through my PTSD High School Musical 2 experience.
Gadge, I agree with you on FOOB. Those two deserve each other and are saving two innocent people from a lifetime of misery. Now if only someone could save us all.
August 19th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Oh geez – Dean, congrats on your TDIET! I knew I forgot somebody.
August 19th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Red: The main thing to remember is, if you’re wearing a skirt, wear underwear.
Or don’t – I’m guessing some might enjoy that.
Speaking of enjoying, I really like today’s “Get Fuzzy”: an illustration of how to actually use a stupid pun. And, of course, the stupid pun coming from Bucky, it fits character as well. And the rendition: that pullback to the long view, of nothing much…except…you can see some creature just coming around the corner…then, the final panel: I mean, I know that drawing a sloth in a Calgary Flames t-shirt is a comics staple, along with golf jokes and desert island gags, but Conley just gives it a little something special here.
August 19th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
FOOB:
Ross Geller: “HEY! No FAIR! When I made a list like that about Rachel, she got all angry about it!”
“Non-smoker” would’ve been a deal-breaker in FW. No refusing a leading cancer-causer there.
“Social Drinker”: Only gets blasted at socials!
“Gets along with other people”: Unless those people are us, of course.
“Sense of Humor” should read: “Sense of Horror”. Check!
“An even temper, willing to work things out”?? So Ms. Beats Up One Cheater, Gets All Huffy With Another asks this of Mr. String Along The Wife While Pining For FOOBbreath? Ms. Runs Away As Soon As She Gets Homesick asks this of Mr. Begs Companionship After She Just Survived A Rape Attempt… Mr. I Have No Hooooooome???
Yeah, seems about right.
“Loves Children”…. trapped in a cellar prison? “Yes, since she’ll pretty much only mind me and not you, even when we each tell her the same thing.”
“Faithful”? Might as well ask Tom Batiuk if he’ll be “upbeat”.
August 19th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Woot!
So many up there this week are day in, day out my very favourites … Red and Trotz and Old Bean and Paperback and Unca Lumpy and A.K.A. Kip W and everyone … and of course, the unstoppably prolific and consistently hilarious Quip-o-matic that is Trilobite.
Woot! I say, woot! Good on y’all for brightening my week.
August 19th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Oh that cheeky Boo Boo !
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1254/1174343712_d4011e8b50_o.jpg
August 19th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
#23 Gadge: No worries, mate, the only skirt i have is the one that involves responsibility.
August 19th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
A+n importa=nt compa=tibility
All right! Wha=t the hell is going on here with my A’s? Is it just lower case? Wait, is it over? C+able, table, Fable, Read, lead, aardvark, Cable, Candle….OK, it appears to be over. Geez, I feel like Daffy Duck in that cartoon where Bugs is drawing. I was going to say that an important compatccibcilitycccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
cccccccccccccccc cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc dammit!!! What is this? It just typed all those c’s by itself. You can see where I hit enter twice to try to stop it.
An.Important.Compatibility. (Ha!!!) question for me would be, do you like to take a nap on a Sunday afternoon to the dulcet tones of Bob Ross? I don’t like his paintings, particularly, but I love to listen to him talk about “no mistakes” and “happy trees” and “it’s your world; you decide.” OK. I’m leaving now, before Bugs starts torturing me again.
August 19th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Oh and #16 Squidmaster Flash: can you remind the absent-minded of us (aka: moi) which of your photos you submitted? And congratulations! You rock so hard. Good for you, and I encourage you to spend it all in one place, hopefully on something ridiculous, excessive, and indefensible. It’s the only ethical way to spend such winnings, in my book.
And Trotz: apropos of really nothing, I just wanted to share that I thought of you as I treated my North Africa-raised honey to the very first margarita of his Islamic little life last night (they’re two-for-one just down the street). His response: Why didn’t you introduce me to these earlier? Do they come in pitchers? I could drink these all night! and then: Whoa…I think I’m a little [indecipherable slurring]…
He spent the rest of the evening making up fake French lyrics to random songs as we walked down the street. Anyway, my point: my boy’s a certifiable Girl-Drink Drunk now, and I couldn’t be more pleased. Next stop: Mojito Mania!
August 19th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Oh, geez, the All-Star Team of Snark is on the float! Trilobite, UL, Red, Trotz! Throw me some pennies, candy, crewe beads, channukah gelt, handfuls of pudding, something!!! Red, a piece of veal! Or a waitress!!!
August 19th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Yay! to the creme de la creme of Snark! (See what happens when you stay up late on Friday nights doing laundry, Trilobit? A bright, shiny COTW!!)
17. Gadge: oh, yeah, while it might’ve been interesting for us low-lifes, the READERS, to see Elizabeth in LTR with a policeman like Paul, way up in northern Canada, or with a pilot like Warren (rather than having LJ do the week or so of National Geographicesque “Let’s Visit an Indian Village!”), she and Asshathony deserve one another. Just think — with the two of them joined at the crotch, Paul, Warren, Terese, and all other potential mates are safe, while Liz and the Sad Sack are only making one another miserable.
There IS a god!
19. Red: the float thing is pretty non-problematic. The biggest thing is just remembering to bobby-pin on your tiara securely. Particularly when you start wingin’ those veal cutlets over the crowd.
29. SecretMargo: just remember, the Koranic injunction against drinking has to do with “fruit of the vine.” So says my Afgani buddy, who never met a bottle of Jim Beam he didn’t like…
August 19th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
I missed Old Bean’s comment the first time around, but it’s totally killin’ me here.
August 19th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
FW: Even with all the “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” action, Lisa had already surrendered to cancer… too. (Though, to be fair, our commanders-in-chief are about as competent as Lisa’s hospital)
FC: In 1975, this Family Circus Sunday strip went all “Funky Winkerbean” 18 years before “Funky Winkerbean” did.
Blondie: “Dining with Marlene” is the new name for Hell. Sad thing is, Letterman, Leno, Craig, Conan, and other topical comedians will be doing jokes about what a stalker Dagwood is for the next few months.
Shoe: “Quaint Paint”….. ain’t!
August 19th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
26: AeroSquid – “Flatso” = So wrong, so funny, so “I wish I thought of that.” Good job.
29: bats :[ – So you’re saying the only “fruit of the vine” he’s imbibing is me? (*rimshot)
I feel like it may be like the Mormon anti-caffeine thing, which in my experience leads to a lot of huff-puffery when someone brings up coffee or tea, but if Diet Pepsi (not the caffeine free kind, I assure you) is on the table, it’s like watching hyenas descending on a zebra carcass. A Mormon friend once told me as a joke that PepsiCo had worked out a deal with the Mormon Church to make Pepsi an official exemption to the rule and I totally believed him for a bit longer than I’d like to admit.
August 19th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Apologies if this has been posted before, but someone from another board I frequent pointed out a rewrite of the Sunday FooB strip done by LJ user Pixelfish, a contributer at the Binky_betsy LJ community. It pretty much encapsulates everything that’s wrong with the Liz/Anthony relationship (Just like the original did, actually, just in a different way):
http://home.comcast.net/~wdboldstar/fbofw_parody_by_pixelfish.jpg
August 19th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
#31 bats :[ —-Thanx for the floatrider 411, but as a manly male of formidable masculinity, shouldn’t my headgear be called a “tiaro”? Aw the heck with it, I’ma leave it up to Trotz to select my headgear since she’s already volunteered to do so.
August 19th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Congrats to all the COTWers! And Dean Booth, once again your comic revisions have given me a giggle fit. Inspired, as always!
All the good snark for Sunday has been taken, so I shall just content myself with saying that although sometimes GF misses, Conley always slays me with a good hockey joke. He did one a year or so about the Canadian dream being tickets to a Leafs game that I clipped out and have hanging on my fridge. This one may go right up there with it.
FOOB and FW both made me vomit for different reasons: one was despair, the other disgust. I’ll leave it up to you guys to determine which was which.
FC only made me weep bitter tears with the grievous knowledge of what might have been.
August 19th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
#35 Jobrill — Thanks so much for the link. BTW, I didn’t even notice right away that they had changed the title of the comic…
August 19th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
FOOB: Granthony’s sad, saggy and pockmocked asscheeks quiver as he thrusts feebly into Liz’s ever so precious lady flower. As he gasps for breath, she lays there, ankles akimbo, desperately wishing for the sweet release of death. “Good job,” she says after he finishes weakly on her stomach. They both know she is lying.
August 19th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
#28 (Squid Cccccccccccountess)(Sorry, SC, couldn’t resist):
Well, I like Bob Ross’ paintings, and I try (usually successfully) to stay awake watching him accomplish them, but otherwise, yeah.
I also love: “happy accidents” & “Beat the devil out of it” & “two hairs and some air” & “(about trees) Everybody needs a friend” & “fantastic little painting”. The man was a treasure trove of phrases.
I saw a “Best of…” this week where he said that “on the other side” he’d love to come back as one of those “carefree” fluffy little clouds like he was painting at that moment. With that hairstyle, he was well on his way :o)
The unintended poignancy of that moment trumps all the depressing bathos of FW any time!
August 19th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
# 16 — Squid Countess, I add my hearty congratulations to the pile. And thanks for co-crediting me and Uncle Lumpy for his comment — I appreciate partial credit, whether deserved or not:-).
As an aside, I’m having to skim a lot these days and miss stuff (sigh), so if I am missing other happy or sad events, that’s why. It would help if I needed less sleep, but five hours just doesn’t work for me. Dang.
August 19th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
My first COTW, and in such distinguished company, too!
August 19th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
FW — I had a mammogram this week, and that reminded me that I’d like to thank all the spirited Mudges who have pointed out in the past few months that cancer, if it comes, doesn’t mean one has to turn into a duplicate of Lisa.
August 19th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Very late, and not eligible for the surely deserved COTW, but a guy’s gotta snark what a guy’s gotta snark.
9CL – Wait, this is supposed to be New York, right? Criminy, I thought small towns were supposed to be the ones that had trouble with gossip.
A3G – These claims that Luann’s health is “fragile” might be bolstered if we actually saw any evidence of greater frailty than usual on Luann’s part. So far she’s been exactly like she was before her carbon monoxide ghost artist sensei nearly killed her.
A.D. – Geez, even the coloring is worse in ZomB.C.
BB – Yeah, you’re the one to mock others’ competence, General Plays-Golf-Drinks-Heavily-And-Ogles-Women-Forty-Years-Younger-Than-Himself.
Blondie – Um…what!?
Crock – Some time ago, I expressed my theory that Crock is not a story expressed in a series of sequentially-occurring panels, but rather a set of unrelated, non-sequential panels arranged in what merely resembles a sequence. I think today’s strip is a prime example of what I was talking about.
Curtis – I know a lot of people here hate Gunk with a passion, and I can understand why they do, but on the other hand, any number of stupid Flyspeck Island flora and fauna couldn’t outweigh the surreal, Felix The Cat-like awesomeness of strips like this one or the infamous baloon cowboy one.
DT – Another way in which this strip is awesome: the Sunday coloring is as surreal as the art itself.
FC – There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned near-death experience to put your petty gripes into perspective! (Unless you’re Lisa Moore, of course.)
FOOB – *lying on the floor, spasming, in a pool of my own vomit*
FW – “Unlike my war, which I’ve given up on because I can’t win it. Did I tell you I’m dying from cancer yet?” TED KENNEDY: “God, I thought I was boring and incomprehensible.”
JP – Señor Driver is a lawyer!?
Lockhorns – Loretta and Leroy go to Hooters. No, seriously.
MW – That “whoops!” panel looks like Vera’s trying some obscure dance from the early sixties – probably one that would have been featured in an Archie comic.
MC – Hahaha, saving this one.
OBH – You know, as far as I’m concerned, One Big Happy could just do this every Sunday.
PBS – Friggin’ awesome.
Pibgorn – Maybe they could just call this strip Brooke McEldowney Is Seriously Whacked In The Head. I mean, how does a strip nominally about a fairy wind up with a college professor in plate armor and a succubus also in the armor, sharing the neckhole with him ala Bugs Bunny?
Popeye – Seems they forgot the part where Brutus burns up on re-entry.
RMMD – Oh, Peter was on the raft when the bomb went off! It’s all so clear now! Thank you, Rex Morgan, for clear and effective visual storytelling!
SFx – Slylock is missing the more obvious clue: that Weirdly’s “spaceship” is too small to hold Weirdly, let alone his spacesuit.
SM – Spider-Man, Spider-Man, ignores whatever a spider can…
August 19th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
FOOB: Speaking of “suctioning affection” (a term someone used in the last thread), I thought “Sherman’s Lagoon” went down pretty well this morning….
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070819&name=Shermans_Lagoon
August 19th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
#42 Trilobite: This is only your first COTW? If I had anything to do with the selection process, you would have an easy baker’s dozen by now. Peace, Red
August 19th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
#12 Lame Name – I did that yesterthread but no one listened.
#20 Dean Booth, brilliant as ever!
#35 Jobrill – that parody is terrific! Save it quick, someone, before LJ gets her lawyers after it. Sue Ann, let it go for once, willya?
#16 Squid Countess – there were no goats? :-( Aww. I am blue again.
I wasted three perfectly good Sunday afternoon hours sleeping, when I could have been snarking or talking a meandering stroll. I’m so irritated with myself. I’m going to stroll now and lay down a layer of snark when I get back.
Laters, taters!
August 19th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Congratulations to the COTW winner & finalists, saw a lot of great ones this week, Josh likely had a tough time picking.
#35 Jobrill: At binky_betsy, this comment draws an interesting parallel between the Garfield and FBoFW sorylines.
#39 Tracer Bullet: A COTW contender, right off the bat.
August 19th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Delurking briefly just to say how much I’ve enjoyed the snark over the last couple of months. Congratulations to the COTW and RU.
On yesterday’s Gasoline Alley – OMG Slim parked his truck right next to the basketball goal! Whatever could happen next? I was convinced the meteorite would hit his house, but now the only question is whether it hits the hood, the cab or the bed.
Those of you who followed the link several threads ago to the Wikipedia article on Mark Trail may have noticed that the creator of MT, Ed Dodd, lived on beautiful Marsh Creek and based Lost Forest on the surrounding area. If you were to travel here to Metro Atlanta on pilgrimage, and went looking for Marsh Creek, you might go to Sandy Springs and travel west on Abernathy Road. If you turn north on Brandon Mill Road, the second street on your right would be Lost Forest Drive, NW. And, the next street would be….(wait for it)….Mark Trail NW.
I believe that Marsh Creek runs by the end of Mark Trail. I have read that a stretch of Marsh Creek close by is good for kayaking, though of course you must be prepared to portage around several sewer pipes. This is Atlanta, after all.
August 19th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
16 Squid Countess: Hooray on the photo-winning thing! And to think we had a hand in picking it!
Dean Booth: thank you for the excellent re-posted MW. I didn’t look at too many mashups last week.
Red Greenback and Fizzy Logic: thanks for your good wishes.
23 Gadge: I totally agree about GF today. It made me actually chuckle out loud, and with the state of the comics the last few weeks that’s quite something.
35 Jobrill: Thanks for that BRILLIANT link!
August 19th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
FOOB: Sometimes a tie is just a tie (SFW).
August 19th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
The more times I read it, the more I’m struck by the utter vagueness of Lizthony’s list. It’s like a horoscope written generally enough that it applies to everyone.
What would have been really interesting is if Liz had said, “No. I hate children. Can’t stand ‘em, with their runny noses and untied laces, always begging for food or toys or attention. Nasty little creatures.”
Then Anthony, in a thought bubble, “Doesn’t matter. I still have a bunch of those placebo birth-control pills left over from Thérèse…”
August 19th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
# 49 — brb, welcome! And thanks for the info on Mark Trail.
One thing that puzzles me is that I’m pretty sure I’ve seen moose in LoFo, and I didn’t think they lived in Georgia. But MT gave us Molly The Best Bear In The World, so if MT wants to put moose in the metro Atlanta area, I won’t argue:-).
August 19th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
# 52 — IdleDandy, if Lynn is going to dribble out the Great Romance for months yet to come, maybe we’ll not only get a wedding eventually, but also (gag) a baby or two. The mind reels, the gorge rises high.
August 19th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
34. SecretMargo: where do you hide that tiny little cymbal?
35. Jobrill: these things just write themselves, don’t they. And of course, they’re all either a lot funnier, or a lot more real than LJ’s hackneyed efforts…
Well, drat, I posted some fol-de-rol on a yesterthread (is it a yesterthread if it was also posted today? But I digress.). Let’s see…
Taking to task the cad who is Drew, and the victim who is Dawn:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1174838246/
Those wacky, mistaken identities (from one side of this galaxy to the other):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1175093380/
August 19th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
13/FOOB:”First there is a pornstache, then there is no pornstache, then there is.”
August 19th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
DT — When I read this strip, I feel as if I’m sitting in my car waiting for the longest, slowest train in the universe to rumble by in front of me. And all the freight cars are identical and dull gray.
August 19th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
#48: Oh yeah, The Garfield-Foob comparison is definitely apt. I used to absolutely love Garfield, but sometime a decade ago, it really turned more than a bit bland and stale. But the Liz and Jon storyline has really brightened it up, and Lynn Johnston could certainly take some pointers from it! That linked post makes some great points.
August 19th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Sunday’s FOOB: Ok…now that’s a weird coincidence…just before Liz went to Shawna-Marie
’s wedding, she showed up at the bar, along with Vera, Edda and….dammit, I forget who else…there was a fourth….anyway, we went upstairs….what convo their was went something like this…
Liz: Condom?
JtB: Check.
JtB: Pills?
Liz: ( five-second pause)
JtB: PILLS?
Liz: (sighs) Check.
JtB: Pom-poms?
Liz: Check.
JtB: Tight cheerleader sweater?
Liz: Check.
JtB: Pleated skirt?
Liz: Check.
JtB: Whipped cream?
Liz: Check.
JtB: Car battery?
Liz: Check. You know….Anthony would never ask me to do this.
JtB: There’s gonna be a lot of things Anthony won’t ask you to do. Dishes, dinner, make children, yeah all of that, but that’s pretty much it…
August 19th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
59. ^”What convo there was..” Dammit, i’ve gotta proofread better.
August 19th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
59. MARGO…damn…Margo was the fourth. Suprisingly submissive too…she really took to her cheerleader outfit…
August 19th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
Oh, my-oh-my! (Fans self) I’m inordinately pleased, as now I can spend the next few years referring offhandedly to the time I was a runner-up. (I liked Paperback Rifler’s best, actually.) It’s interesting, from this point of view, to see how just being included in the COTW list makes my comment funnier and gives it new depth.
So thanks, and congratulations to the funnier guys who shared the list with me, and condolences to the funnier guys who aren’t on there. (Personally, my favorite thing I said here was about how Lisa’s so glum she makes Munch’s “The Scream” look like one of those “You Want It WHEN?” guys…)
August 19th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
#47 True Fable – Worry not, I always save this stuff in the event of a cease-and-desist. I dunno, maybe I’m the de facto Parody Archivist here at the CC.
#52 IdleDandy – What were you expecting? Liz is a vapid airhead who’s puppeteered by her hellish mother, and I’ve seen maggots with more colorful personalities (and better tans) than Anthony.
#54 Poteet – Wedding, maybe. Babies, no. Remember, Liz is the Virgin Queen of the Foobiverse – no man shall penetrate her (though horses are okey-dokey.) Anthony is the Chosen One primarily because he’s so…oh God, he’s not even asexual like Mark Trail, he’s antisexual…that he’ll never even make a move. With his built-in family (I don’t want to know how Françoise happened,) they can have the Perfect Suburban Life without Liz ever having to suffer the degradation of being sexed by a man (remember, girls, sex isn’t something you do, it’s something done to you.) So no, there won’t be any babies.
August 19th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
do you like to take a nap on a Sunday afternoon to the dulcet tones of Bob Ross?
Keenan?? Is that you?
No, seriously. Bob Ross is my boyfriend’s favorite artist. Literally. Mine’s Frida Kahlo. His is Bob Ross. I don’t blame him; when I was a kid, I watched “The Joy of Painting” every day. My parents made so much fun of me! BF likes his voice and the happy trees as well, and thinks that anyone who can create such a painting (which, truthfully, is not my style but is beautiful) in twenty minutes outshines Picasso any day. I don’t necessarily agree, but I don’t necessarily disagree either.
For his birthday, I wanted to surprise him, so I got him a Season II of “The Joy of Painting” on DVD. He didn’t even know you could get them, and was so surprised. We watched the entire season that weekend, at one point taking a nap to, you said it, the dulcet tones of his voice. Okay, maybe we’re compatible, Squid Countess, but sorry, I’m taken by another Ross lover. :-) Plus, your name makes me assume our gender renders us incompatible. ;-)
August 19th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Secret Margo You are so kind to ask to be reminded about which photo I entered that won the newspaper contest. I loaded it onto Flickr a little while ago with three others. I’ll be entering all four in the Tn Valley Fair soon. That’s a really fun thing to do; I like to go in with everyone taking in the quilts and flowers and snap beans and bunny rabbits and sheep. (Not all to the same booth, of course.) It was the fall photo that won – currently labeled “photo decor.”
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8770296@N03/
August 19th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
#64, you balk at the gender, but the species doesn’t give you pause?
August 19th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
#66 Keg of Curd – Some people just work that way. I mean, half the reason I read My Cage is for Norm’s XX-chromosomed coworkers. (Not that it doesn’t have plenty else to recommend it.)
August 19th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
I know that it’s not new, but this Sunday’s Liberty Meadows is just awesome!
August 19th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
MW — It’s a full moon Isn’t this where you drive a stake through his heart?
August 19th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
a tip of the old alamo dome topper to all the cotw winners this week esp. trilobite.
and now for just one more of my exceedingly fantastic ideas, adding a new category to the cotw and name it — “the best of alamo”.
i am thinking we have a winner here. huzzah huzzah. thank you very much.
we now return you to your regular programming.
August 19th, 2007 at 6:55 pm
65: Squid Countess — I remember that one! My sentimental favourite was the landscape with the barn(ish building?) with the dusky purples, but all of them were beautiful.
Plus, I think I’m going to stop cleaning my apartment and just telling visitors that the “dirt adds verisimilitude.” I may end up with no friends, but at least I’ll be keeping it real.
August 19th, 2007 at 6:58 pm
# 63 — Thanks for the reality check, commodorejohn. Your no-babies theory makes sense. Anyway, far more in keeping with the principles of the Foobiverse to just drag the courtship along and along and along and along.
August 19th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
MF: Say it ain’t so, Shannon Kleibrink.
August 19th, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Squid Countess – Congrats! I love that photograph -I love the diagonals and the vibrant colors and the starkness of the tree trunk that gives weight to the whole composition. Beautiful!
BTW, my rotten kid was in Spain AND the astronomer who threatened to swallow a pin when he was a rotten baby. He is all of the things you mentioned. So sorry for the confusion.
The Divine O’F – I play as Lizardbreath or thirsty. And I usually start with the word ‘thread’. See you there!
RED GREENBACK – Never mind the hat. Howzabout matador pants! I love a man in matador pants.
Secret Margo – Your comment was apropos of the fact that I like liquor! What a lovely moment to share with your man. I think Fisher-Price should develop a “My First Margarita Playset”.
Tequila is the most unpredictable of spirits. It has turned my irises into pinwheels more than once. I hope you wait a while before you encourage margaritas by the pitcherful!
WILLE – Catch! I have some leftover chocolate Maccabees and a few grasshoppers from my Passover Bag O’Plagues.
OH MY GOD! THE SING-ALONG EDITION OF THAT MOVIE IS ON NOW! Do margaritas come in intravenous bags?
August 19th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
There are literally thousands of comments per week, on average anyway. So reading the COTWs are always a mixture of the familiar and unfamiliar. Trotzenbonnie’s Rex/June ref was out-loud funny to me, but I missed it the first time around.
So thanks, Josh, and congratulations to the boss commentators.
August 19th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Back from my meandering! Let’s see what kind of pickings we have left on the bones:
C’shaft I’m just not a golfer. Wille, maybe you can tell me: is this strip punchline ANYWHERE close to funny? Because it’s leaving me cold, but then I don’t play the game.
HtH Geez Louise, is this Whine about the choices you made in your life Day?
SFx As usual I can’t read the answer, so I’ll just make up one: Not only does Count Weirdly have on his ultra cool Keds sneakers in the picture and no gloves, but the flagpole is taller than the whole ship.
Was I close?
Mutts Crankshaft could learn a few things from Crabby. What a proud crustacean moment!
Phantom Aren’t they supposed to be on a boat? And white? No, wait, that was the daily storyline, I forgot. At any rate, I can’t wait to next Sunday when I find out who the Phantom gets to do all his work for him this time.
DtM Dennis, you would have gotten back to zero to start again at MenaceWatch 2007 if you had only hit Henry in the nuts. You’d have scored positive points if you’d gone on to hit old Wilson too. But alas, you’re still dead to me.
Lio I can really relate to this. The same thing happens when my relatives visit. My sister just can’t manage a decent landing without messing up the flowerbed.
August 19th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
#76, Fable,
I’m not a golfer either, but I think the joke is that Crankshaft is ignoring the crude pass his son-in-law just made at him. Back nine indeed. Whether it’s funny is a matter of taste.
August 19th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
I think Crankshaft means that he’s in the “back nine of life.”
August 19th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
H&J: Sarah is getting pretty misty over that deep grey Soviet clayware. And Herb says it’s so nice she won’t trust him to wash it. Does all their other china have the Burger King logo on it?
August 19th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
#65 Squiddly: I’m no gynocologist, but those are all brilliantly composed photos-all winners in the Redbook!
#74 Trotz: Although what little I know about you is confined to your wonderful pics from NOLA and your great sense of style comes across verbally as well here in your comments(I hope this makes sense)…I have to give a big negatory to the toreodore pants. I’m not blessed with much self-esteem, but I do have a bit of vanity left in me, and if I wore those pants I would look like a big butch Laura Petrie!
August 19th, 2007 at 7:52 pm
76: re The ‘Shaft — I’m no golfer, but I’m not sure if the “joke” depends on golf knowledge per se, just a willingness to wallow in one’s own morbidity. See, his son wants to play an entire eighteen-hole round of golf rather than just the half-assed nine-hole, but the ‘Shaft, perhaps fearing he was losing ground to Lisa as the most self-centered, death-obsessed character in the Batiuksphere, decided to up the ante by using the golf game as a metaphor for his own lifespan — he’s been in the final leg (”back nine”) of it for some time now! HA HA! Tastefully, Batiuk underscores the bleakness by making them into silhouettes, showing the reader how even on the most beautiful sunny day the shadow of death trails us all. The upside of this choice is that it leaves the son-in-law’s inevitable smirk as he contemplates the old man’s impending decrepitude and decay to our imaginations. This time.
August 19th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
77. I should have refreshed. Yours is a much better explanation.
heh heh. I said “half-assed nine-hole.” heh heh.
August 19th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
#80 Red Greenback: I’ve never put together the concepts “butch” and “Laura Petrie”. That’s a cheerful mind bender. You got butch on my Laura Petrie! You got Laura Petrie on my butch!
Stick with the tiaro, big guy, you’ll do fine!
August 19th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
#74 Trotzagain: Maybe you can hip me to some style pointers from High School Musical 2?
August 19th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Congratulations to our fabulous COTWers for another week 100% USDA Prime w00t! Seriously good-time snarking had here this week!
#63 commodorejohn:
Françoise is the result of a turkey baster insemination… with actual turkey roasting juices.
Anthony wore the Titus Baker’s Hat.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
# 72 — Great, now I’m leaving out verbs. I think I should maybe quit snarking for the night.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
#80 – Oh Re-e-e-e-e-ed!
Damn. No pants…O.K.
Howzabout this:
http://www.lafsco.com/812crown.jpg
August 19th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
#85 Spotted Horse – AHH MY GODDAMN MIND’S EYES
August 19th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
#57 – Poteet - Yes! And you look for something interesting – hazardous waste signs, graffiti, “no humping” warnings, cars from far away states, you try to think about how would you hop that particular car if you had to – anything – but there’s nothing. It’s just the same endless four sentences/gray train cars forever. Very apt.
#71 Secret Margo - I have found that less housekeeping leads to fewer people coming over which leads to more time with CC. I expect this cycle to repeat beautifully until I am forcibly removed from my home for, say, 72 hours, and then given a case manager who won’t understand my goals.
# 64 Herro! If I come over some time, we’ll definitely all mellow out to Bob Ross. I’ll bring Mibbitmaker.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
#84 Red
Master Soft Head wrote, produced and directed this masterpiece.
The style? I think it’s all about Dondi-esque headgear.
http://www.tvdvdsets.com/ent-blog/07/02-10-highschoolmusical2.jpg
August 19th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
#88 commodorejohn: Hell, I’m sorry. I’ve just double checked my info… Anthony didn’t take part at all, it was Count Weirdly attending. I really should vet my facts more carefully before posting.
But Anthony did wear the baker’s hat. And he made the stuffing. I don’t know if that makes things better or worse.
#51 Dean Booth: Reminds me of a Local Grubby Steakhouse of my youth. Woe unto the clueless dude what ventured in wearing a tie. The commercial showed a waitress cutting off the tie amid high hilarity and tacking it onto the wall with all the other victims. HAAARRR! Oh, how I miss the days of locally produced, UHF station commercials.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Crankshaft: Okay, I’m going off on a tangent here (like I’ve never done that before) I quit the recreational drug “scene” 22 years ago, but I have talked to some gentlemen recently who said basically that “crank” improved their “shaftitude”! I remember “coke dick” had quite the opposite effect. Anyway, Oh,
who cares anyway because I do not so Norman, if you’re normal, I intend to
be a freak for the rest of my life, and I shall baffle you with cabbages
and rhinoceroses in the kitchen incessant quotations from “Now We Are
Six” through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty’s giant poisoned electric
head.
So
theeeeeere………
August 19th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Congratulations to COTW&R-
Höö!
Just learned the umlaut hot key function on my mac. I’m pretty lame. This just underscores how much I’m going to miss Stinky Pete and his HMTL primer. I still can’t do the groovy things the rest of y’all do – like make COTW – sniff.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
#91 Spotted Horse – Well, as long as Anthony wasn’t directly involved, that’s not nearly as bad.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
#92 Red Greenback: Whoopsie daisy, kinda lost my stoic Comanche composure there!
#90 Trotz- I am liking the beadazzlered newsboy cap! Carson Kressley would even think that’s a good look for me. Thanks Trotz!
August 19th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Today’s FC:
So close. So close. SO CLOSE!!! AAAAAARGH!
August 19th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
#93 Big Sims: I salute your ümlaut prowess! Now you can dish out hot ümlaut justice.
#267 SecretMargo yesterthread: Neurons neutered yesterthread thanks to your list of Therese’s
metaphors for sexual relations with zee mustache. They’re all immeasurably insane, but as for my favorites, I’m stuck between:
b) trying to ride a unicycle made of uncooked hot dogs, and
c) swimming naked amid a school of blind cave fish
August 19th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Thanks for all the generous interpretations on today’s Crankshaft! Yours comments were much, MUCH better than any drop of humor I could have wrung from the comic. SecretMargo’s point about the Shaft’s losing ground to Lisa as the most self-centered, death-obsessed character in the Batiuksphere was just dead-on. Of course, he also mentioned the “half-assed back nine” which made me spray a fine mist of strawberry-kiwi all over the keyboard.
Y’all have just been on a roll this evening! Red and commodorejohn and Poteet my Queen and Trotz and Spotted HOrse and AFKAB and Sims and Squiddy, you’ve been a balm for my weary soul.
PLUS, Scratch Golfer is the best! Hooray willethompson! I’ll stack your stuff up against any other comic writer any damn day, buddy.
It’s true, the Comics Curmudgeon site has the best people on the planet on the rolls.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
One can only hope that Liz and Granthony are eating at Elegant House Fine Dining, and that Old Bean’s circular swnging blade works its magic when they leave.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
#98 True Fable – Glad to be of service. Group therapy, that’s what the Curmudgeon is.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
Help me out here: can one of you locate the comment many moons ago where somebody described how incredibly “blah” Anthony is, using uniquely evocative imagery.
Stuff kinda along the lines of “he’s a routine dentist’s appointment”, “he’s the last spoonful of cold oatmeal”, “he’s a C+ on a spelling test when you have a slight cold” (I just made up that last one)…. but said much, much better. It might have been many months ago now. Can anyone find it?
August 19th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
PBS: If Pastis draws this concept out for the next month, I’m gonna personally anoint his feet in rare oils and write him in for president.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:56 pm
wille: Anytime I fill out a form that requires the number 8 , I’m going to write “snowman” in it’s stead. Love ya Bro, Red
August 19th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Josh: I hope you were joking about the Apollo landings being fake. For those who doubt the authenticity of Apollo, I suggest you visit this site:
http://www.clavius.org
August 19th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
9CL: I’d like to see the same q&a deal with the gal and the ex-priest on the parkbench where she asks “loves children?” and the ex-priest grabs his collar and goes”gnaw” ala “The Simpsons”
August 19th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
I’ve installed a Bonzo Detector on my computer, so even through the 7,392 comments in the last five hours, I still spotted Red’s quote of the same Bonzos song I quoted a few days back…
So there…
You know, I feel I once in a while really should say something vaguely positive about FOOB. So: actually Liz is sporting some not-half-bad cleavage there in the second last panel. I’m sure someone with Aart Skilz has already gotten the annoying dress out of the way.
August 19th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Yesteryestermoribundyesteryesterzombieyeasterthread: A female chipmunk is a chipnun. Y’all know where the veal is.
I know Gadge, it just needed to get repeated becauase it is one of the greatest lines of modern culture. By the way, do you like my bullfight poster on my wall?
August 19th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
#106 Gadge Cubic – Oh man, if someone could just do FOOB pr0n like what was done with Slylock Fox, wouldn’t that just be the perfect way to piss Lynn off! Of course, the challenge would be in sexualizing the Ultimately Unsexual.
August 19th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
# 101 — Skullturf, is # 325 in this thread what you want? *scuffs toe, looks down shyly* I don’t keep track of all my comments (thank God), but this one got into the vault because our Pope made a kindly comment about it.
http://joshreads.com/?p=853#comments
August 19th, 2007 at 9:32 pm
#106, #108: Dudes are evil. Evil! ….heh!
August 19th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
#108 commodorejohn: You’re risking the FOOBCorp equivalent of the magmacannons, dude.
August 19th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
Gadge:
I(?)GT:
I’m a wobbly jelly, you’re a pink blancmange
I’m a sherry trifle, you’re a chocolate sponge
Your dad wears a paper hat, mine inflates balloons
Whoops! Boodly boop! Pop! Here comes a spoon!
August 19th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
# 101 — Skullturf, it sounds to me as if you could do an excellent Bleah Anthony comment yourself.
August 19th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
#111 Spotted Horse – True dat.
Memo to: Lynn Johnston
Subject FOOBCorp Magmacannons
Bring ‘em on, bitch. I’m ready for ya.
– Commodorejohn
August 19th, 2007 at 9:39 pm
#109 Poteet –
Wear it proud, girl!
August 19th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
#108 commodorejohn: FOOB porn from the archives. After the page loads, click anywhere.
August 19th, 2007 at 9:59 pm
Squid, I’ll be there! I’ll bring the chips! Happy little chips!
August 19th, 2007 at 9:59 pm
#116 Dean Booth – Ha ha, forgot about that one. You’re just lucky Lynn hasn’t stumbled onto your site, you know.
August 19th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
#118: cj, Perhaps if I pasted Lynn’s face over every character’s face, it would no longer be infringement.
August 19th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
#98, TF,
Aight! Balms away!
August 19th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
# 115 — Thanks, Uncle Lumpy. You’re so nice.
Folks, this is my first and probaby my last non-comic link, but I swear (BWAHAHA) that this photo had to be shared. Apologies if it already has been.
http://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/authors/author_pretends_to_be_on_oprah_gets_called_on_it_65266.asp
August 19th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
# 121 — Probably. Sorry.
August 19th, 2007 at 10:36 pm
#118 commodorejohn – She’d have one hell of a fight on her hands, PLUS the non-pleasure of being called out in front of her peers. Sure, Bob Weber Jr. asked for it to be taken down from another site but he was very nice about it. Lynn screeches like a wounded peahen. It’s not as if Dean picks on just her; he artfully skewers everyone.
Lynn baby, I know these balmy summer nights are making your ruffled plaid flannel babydoll nightie all hot and sweaty, and you mistake that temperature for pining for the awesome love that is Fable, but you’re all wrong, sweet prune. You should know that your fantasizing about Liz and Angstony’s lovemaking is the antidote of good porn for most of civilization. Don’t you see, baby; we NEED to mock you simply to avoid drowning in our own spew. Going after Dean would not get you any points with me, my wizened little slush puppy. In fact… I’ll do Karen Moy on your drawing table and make you only watch, my Mawkish Matron, if you give Booth a tough time.
Suffer, bitch.
August 19th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
97: Spotted! I’m glad you enjoyed those. You know, whenever I think I’ve run out of awful things to compare Patterflesh to without repeating either myself or someone else, another horrifying image glurges forth from the brackish depths and my mind vomits up yet one more stomach-twisting simile in a desperate attempt to distance trauma through language. It seems that this is a continuation of a project Poteet was embarking on oh so many moons ago — perhaps it’s the internet commentator version of fight/flight mechanisms in the face of the annihilation of all that is vital, good, and decent, a.k.a. the ultimate incarnation of all those years of accumulated Patterunctuousness, Anthony himself (fabulous comment, btw, Poteet; I remembered it too, though without remembering who said it).
God, even just typing his name makes my mind churn: his face in the panel preceding the kiss reminds me of mannequin slathered in freckled aspic.
August 19th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Nice job Lynn. Anthony’s proposal to Liz is the least romantic thing that have ever taken place in the entire history of the comics, literature, radio, television and cinema. You wrote Sunday’s strip specifically to win over critics of the Liz/Anthony union and instead have created yet another exhibit in the indictment against their impending marriage.
August 19th, 2007 at 10:50 pm
#97 – Trying to ride a unicycle made of uncooked hotdogs. Wasn’t that an episode of “Perfect Strangers?”
Dean Booth I am very pleased about your TDIET win! I sent Scaduto an idea about how I hate it when you have a whole fast food order litany in your head for yourself and several coworkers, but before you can say it, the kid working the drive-in speaker asks, “Can I get you our super-duper deluxe chicken squid combo with potato cracklins and a free desert?” and you forget what you were going to order. Al didn’t like it. Maybe I was too pushy, mentioning “squid” like that. Maybe he thought I was making fun of him instead of adoring him. Maybe he never uses a drive-thru. Maybe I’m the only one thrown off by the drive-thru kid. Anyway, no cartoon for me.
Red Greenback – Thanks for the nice words about my pictures, Red! I’ve been meaning to say to you, the next time we’re both at SquidWordCrack, since neither of us can play for shit, maybe we could just sit in the back and pass notes. (”Rims? That’s not a guess, that’s a pass at Smargo.”) Could be fun.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
I am mystified by the TDIET phenomenon. My local paper doesn’t carry the strip, so until I started reading this blog, I had no idea there were comics (other than Ripley’s Believe It or Not, which my paper recently dropped) that took reader submissions.
To the CC’ers who’ve been published, did you have to send in a lot of ideas over time before one got in? How does it work?
August 19th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
Poteet, that was some brilliant observations. “He is the third load of laundry” should be used to describe someone in a John Updike story.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
#128 Lou –
Updike is Jack London to Anthony.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
Oh, hell – Proust is Jack London to Anthony.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
#17: reminds me of the old saying about Thomas Carlyle and his wife, which I shall paraphrase: “How good of Mr. and Mrs. Carlyle to have married each other, and so make only two people miserable instead of four.”
#29 SecretMargo: Damn straight! If they could just send us to the Middle East with a cocktail shaker and a bottle of Herradura, we’d be in business!
True Fable, I have a soft spot for goats as well. My grandpa raised them on his farm in northern Florida, and I love how goats have such distinctive personalities.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
8/20:
FOOB: Gee, so far li’l Francie (that nickname keeps on conjuring up Francine from “Strangers in Paradise”, but I digress…) has only been seen to rebel against Blanthony in favor of Lizard. Liz: “It’s still ‘friendship’…. Friends get to have sex with each other, right?” Thus continues the Wretch-ocalypse…
FW: “… you might lose the other arm, that’s what he said. Wouldn’t put it past ol’ Batty to write that! Oh, by the way, Wally, Lisa Moore went before Congress and hinted that you’re wasting your time in Iraqi Hell. Well, I’ll leave you to your duties. Love.”
Popeye: Oh, I get it: Popeye isn’t the “male chauvinist pig”, Bud Sagendorf is!
MF: Mallard Fillmore’s Cynical Bastard Book Club is now in session. Aw, c’mon, Tinsley, forget this stuff and bring back li’l Rush. Maybe he can find a girlfriend named Ann and grow up to have wacky right-wing children. On second thought….
Curtis: …Pause. “…She looks like Dumbo!” The two brothers laughed for a full minute.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
FOOB: In Sunday’s strip, Liz indicates that she’s willing to make a lifelong committment and has Anthony thinking it’s consumation time. But in Monday’s strip, she tells Candace that they’re taking it slowly and that it’s still “friendship.” Mixed signals? Friendship with benefits?
Oh, and I’ll bet Lynn’s chuckling herself to sleep tonight with that “Therese just threw away a wonderful man and a beautiful daughter — she just.. threw them away!” line. Of course, Lynn did the same thing with a once-appealing comic strip.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:10 am
Monday’s RMMD
Why did Hugh do it? “Money, mostly. . . . But mostly it was resentment”
. . . and mostly revenge! And . . . and mostly lust! And most of all, mostly gluttony, avarice, and Fear of the Lord!
Really, do the authors read this stuff? Do they expect us to?
August 20th, 2007 at 12:13 am
IdleDandy –
alscaduto2@optonline.net
Just send your idea to this e-mail address. He’s a nice guy and usually answers within a day or two. It doesn’t matter how many you send and you never know what he’s going to like. Just be ironic!
The more general the idea the better and, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, marital discord is always a hit. I guess if he thinks he can draw it (if it can take place in a square blue chair next to a television or in a little car), he’ll use it. The lag time between his answer and the receipt of the drawing is months, though.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:27 am
I’m off to sleep soon, so I’ll gab about other stuff if I feel inspired post coffee tomorrow, but dude, what is up with goddamn Crankshaft today? I mean, I know everyone resenting the elderly for their existence and the elderly resenting everyone’s existence right back is the ongoing theme here, but isn’t there usually a joke, pun, or smirk to go along with the hate? Maybe I’m just sensitive to old women being abused by health care practitioners at the moment, but am I seriously supposed to find a grandmother being shamed like three-year-old for indulging a sweet tooth (five cupcakes! That’s like an amuse bouche for the Patterson clan!) funny, or insightful, or … anything? Is this exemplifying some sort of continuity I missed?
Okay, I had to get that off my chest. ‘Night, cherubs.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:31 am
Mon Moreday… I mean, more Monday:
Monty: Well, they sure don’t miss misandrist cliches, apparently.
A3G: Oh, he bites the heads off of chickens at carnivals, eh? Oh, right, the computer stuff.
I(?)GT: First two panels: “Gee, thanks alot, Kaz”. Last panel: ?????
Lockhorns: Leroy’s doing Loretta’s material!
August 20th, 2007 at 12:31 am
8/20
Great Googly Moogly. There are OTHER characters in Funky Cancerbean!! (I think…that soldier dude might’ve been from Doonesbury).
MT: Dawn needs to go out ridin’ with Mark…at least her feet wouldn’t drag on the ground.
Gil Thorpe: “Great show tonight. With luck, it’ll be the last one I see?” Wow, isn’t that a little harsh, Kaz? Gail’s talents must’ve seriously waned over the past few years.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:34 am
136. SecretMargo: indeed. Not like that nurse/care-giver is going to fade away for lack of a cupcake, either.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:55 am
Hate to necropost, but I really liked this one:
FOOB: Hey guys, everyone knows that the relationship isn’t serious until you meet one another in a public place and exchange your lists of demands. Until that happens, how can the hostage negotiations continue?…. Wait, what’s that? This is supposed to be a wedding engagement?! WTF?
August 20th, 2007 at 12:57 am
Still more new ones:
BBailey: Oh, good grief!
DT: Waitaminnit!… Our chip-controlled Grethen-needer hailed a cab at the end of the week… now he’s hailing it again?? More than explanations repeat themselves in DT.
(Okay, the snark was lame, but I kinda liked “chip-controlled Gretchen-needer”)
MT: The word “What” isn’t in unnecessary bold lettering in the probable bad guy’s balloon! RAPTURE!!!!!
Big Dog:
Marmaduke’s Owner
d. 2007
~~~R.I.P.~~~
MW: Yes! NEXT STORYLINE, PLEASE!!….
Eddison Lee: Why do you feel itchy? Karma. Now it’s Mallard’s turn…
August 20th, 2007 at 1:03 am
WTF Dick Tracy Monday the Baron is once again getting into a taxi to the Pentegon. Did he get out of the other one, thinking that perhaps a new one would take him. Of is it as someone else snarked, the writer played 52 pick-up with the strips and hoped no one would notice.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:21 am
Mark Trail: Rusty “hopes” that all the animals will get out of the area in time to allow the encroaching mall developers a free hand in their forest take-down. Mark cites expertly to the existence of regulations “that will help” — help the developers, we presume.
Jugs Parker: It’s not fair to stick us with only Rosa’s fat saggy grandma tits. Bring back Busty! Bring back Busty! Bring back Busty!
Mary Worth: A stroll after dinner turns “unexpectedly romantic”? What exactly was unexpected about anything Sir Grabsalot does to the damsels in his kingdom? At dinner they were touching hands and speculating about whether they have “a story” and how their “story” will end. Well, if you were expecting a cheery story involving talking rabbits or perhaps a spunky boy with a can-do attitude, then dear readers, you will have to put down this newspaper and look somewhere else. For this story of Dr. Drew Corey and his concurrent and surreptitious efforts to get it on with two emotionally needy women is not a pleasant one; it is an exceedingly horrid one that will shortly involve a pair of scissors, a series of cheaply rented hourly motel rooms, a terrible plate of beef stroganoff and a long chase off a short pier. “Surreptitious” here means “in a way intended by Dr. Corey to prevent Vera from finding out about Dawn and Dawn from finding out about Vera,” but it can also mean “in a way intended to prevent the audibly winking ice cream vendor at his hospital from finding out.”
H&L: Hi is sticking into the “job jar” a bunch of tasks that will help him get downtown, where the vast amounts of abandoned “brownfields” tracts of industrial wasteland have given way to a few entrepreneurs who have set up impromptu driving ranges. It doesn’t matter if your hooks and slices break windows on neighboring crack dens and shooting galleries.
A3G: Shit! The battling hairdos are back again — this time used to differentiate two identical glasses-wearing gerenic males so that Tommie can tell them apart. Because putting one in a suit and the other in hospital scrubs simply wouldn’t be enough.
Fuckin Cancerbean: In the kingdom of wry smiles, the one-eyed snake is king.
Sunday matchup in Heathcliff v. Garfiend: Both feature their orange cats enjoying meals at restaurants. Garfield is obsessed with the bread, which might give him an advantage if Heathcliff were only focused on the traditional “boy, cats really like fish!” joke theme. However, with Heathcliff, we get the cloud of “PURR PURR PURR” to obscure apparent at-table sexual activity between Heathcliff and his date. The special cat toilets raise it up a notch as well. Win goes to Heathcliff on this.
GT: Kaz is telling Gail that if he’s lucky he doesn’t have to go to any more of her shows. That’s a smack in the back of the head to the many loyal fans who know Gail doesn’t do “Tazana Nights” the same time twice. Ever.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:22 am
Oops, that’s
GT: Kaz is telling Gail that if he’s lucky he doesn’t have to go to any more of her shows. That’s a smack in the back of the head to the many loyal fans who know Gail doesn’t do “Tazana Nights” the same way twice. Ever.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:27 am
Melkardammit, I hate necroposting, but I responded in the wrong thread, so here goes again:
#67 yesterthread, Dr. Mad:
Your theory on “Restaurant Love” makes me realize that someone here simply MUST do a parody of the Captain and Tennille’s “Mustkrat Love” starring Liz and Angsthony as the muskrats. Surely SOMEone here is equal to the challenge. I’d do it myself, but alas, I am not as equal as others when it comes to cleverly re-working song lyrics.
Anyone?
August 20th, 2007 at 1:38 am
S-M What in the blue hell is Peter doing to MJ? Forcing her to lay against his leg? Holding her down? Getting ready to administer the coup de grace?
Honest to God, they are all alone on a vacation in front of a romantic fireplace, and they are STILL FULLY DRESSED?
I think that radioactivity has done fried that boy’s brain.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:46 am
HAPPINESS IS A SQUISHY CELAPHOD is the name of the LIO collection from Tatulli. Go buy.
News Journal in Delaware dropped CATHY, THE FAMILY CIRCUS , MARMADUKE and SHOE. Alas, they kept EDISON LEE.
CATHY has been losing ground for a while. It offers no insights and everything you do is worth being depressed about, and no one is ever going to change. Like the “artwork”.
SHOE isn’t much different. The only joy present in the strip is someone’s depressing one liner is going to be sharper than someone else’s. Bird suicide? May I suggest a jet engine intake?
MARMADUKE is a big dog. Ha ha. He lost another outlet. Who cleans up after this mutt anyway? Is this why he’s allowed to roam the city he lives in?
with FC, it seems that people can get tired of those little tards.
It was an 8000 reader poll that decided it, and those four strips were consistantly on the bottom.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:50 am
Who draws Popeye these days? Bud Sagendorf has been dead for eons, and he was the one who took the strip over in 1937. (Follwed by Bea Zabolly, in the late forties).
August 20th, 2007 at 1:51 am
Who draws Popeye these days? Bud Sagendorf has been dead for eons, and he was the one who took the strip over in 1937. (Followed by Bea Zabolly, in the late forties).
August 20th, 2007 at 1:59 am
RMMD Rex has on his pouty face today. Hugh wouldn’t let him under the covers.
MW What was the name of that doll they used to make, the one with the big knob on her back between the shoulder blades? When you turned the knob one way, her hair got shorter. When you turned it the other way, it got longer. Was it Tressie?
Well, then today Drew checks Tressie’s tonsils with his tongue, and makes her hair shorten by several inches in the process. What does she have to do to Cheatin’ Heart Ken to make something grow on him? Bet it has a knob too.
FBoFW See? Everything’s rosy and comfy cozy in Foobville. Liz can handle it!
Suppose Francie ruins all your stuff? Liz can handle it!
Suppose Angstony turns you into a Stepford Wife the way Michael turned Dee into one? Liz can handle it!
Suppose Angstony is gay and just needs you for a beard? Liz can handle it! Uh, no… he won’t let you handle it, he will want Gordon or Weed or Michael handle his ‘it’.
Suppose that fenced in playhouse in the basement is where he plans to keep you? Liz can handle it!
Suppose someone really interesting moves in next door, and he’s hot and smart and financially loaded and has tons of sex appeal and in keeping with Foobland habits, falls madly in love with you at first glance? Liz can…. um… Liz can handle it!
In a way, I’m kind of hoping that last one will happen, but then it will only wind up that he’ll cheat on Liz, and Angstony will be the knight in shining armor once again.
He gives knights a bad rep simply by existing. Dammit, on behalf of knights everywhere, Angstony, DO something for fuck’s sake. The Black Knight had a bad rep, too, but he earned it by being the baddest ass around.
Angstony, you do realize don’t you, that Lynn will NEVER EVER let you into Liz’s pants? She’s wearing a chastity belt crafted from titanium.
You’re no knight, you’re not even twilight.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:17 am
wats up im back. i am ur 12 year old ruler. i have 3 rules. 1 u obey me. 2 ppl 70 and older become chicken fighter. 3 u bring me fudge pops when i am reading GAGE CUBIC, MOLE PREENER talk/complain about all this bull[bleep]!!!!
if peter has a fried brain for not thinking like that,TRUE FABLE, then u must have lost yours long ago. this site isnt for u why dont u go post on hello kitty.
+
August 20th, 2007 at 2:23 am
Feel free to follow suit.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:24 am
HA HA EARTHLINGS I WILL NOT APPALIGIZE!
BWAH HA HA HA AH AH !!
August 20th, 2007 at 2:26 am
OH TRUE FABLE…NICE! THANKS FOR SHOWING ME YOUR BABY PICTURE!
August 20th, 2007 at 2:34 am
Good night, all.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:37 am
So, it’s after Midnight, and naturally I’m trolling the cbcnews.com kids section, and I find that GASP, they had deleted my reveiw. In horror at their blasphemous offence, I accidently punched out my Sprite thus spilling it over anything and everything. After cleaning it up, I came here, and found that much better people then myself won CoTW and laughing in hillarity over the aforemeantioned comments, I punched over my pop again.
So what I’m really trying to say is…well, I don’t actually know what I am saying. It’s late, and I’m alone in a big oil comany.
Oh, and on sundays FOOB: I bet the cruel joke is that Liz is only using Anthony as practice for when she goes on her speed-date night. It is the only logical explaination after that….”date”.
The other explaination: Liz dragged him out to dinner for the sole purpose of sucking out his soul through his face. Watch out Granthony, Lizardbreath is a Dementor!
August 20th, 2007 at 2:40 am
SORRY EARTHLING TRUE FABLE I WILL SEND U A MILLION GORTHOCK TRANSMITERS FOR U TO YELL UR HATERD FOR ME AT THE PLANET K-X2365*
*DO AT OWN RISK
August 20th, 2007 at 2:48 am
Monday’s FW: I called Harry for some advice. All he had to say was, “What?? Huh?? Can you please speak a little louder? Who is this? I can’t hear you!” Finally I just gave up, like everyone else in this strip.
August 20th, 2007 at 3:06 am
Monday’s Mark Trail – I’m so excited! What does the bulldozer driver see? I know what he sees! Poteet, Divine O’F, Rich- we all know what he sees! If there’s a God in heaven, he sees an animal in love and/or peril! And soon that animal shall dominate the strip, and we shall enjoy it once again! I’m guessing bunny or tortoise. Or misunderstood skunk. Hee,hee! I’m so excited!
August 20th, 2007 at 3:21 am
THIS IS TO THE HUMAN DUB. IF U CALLED HARRY FOR ADVICE MAKE SURE TO REMEMBER HE IS DEAF U DEH DEH DEH!
CALL A SHRINK HE MAY HELP!
August 20th, 2007 at 3:21 am
Foob: I hope that Lynn will eventually come around and expand upon the Thérèse character. If you consider that the discount strip clubs crowding the Canada-U.S. border are populated by French-Canadian women with no better options, I think there’s a real story to be told of this bold career woman. Ang Lee would be the right one to direct the eventual motion picture.
I also envision a printed book called “Thérèse’s Story” in which a bold career woman struggles to survive the smothering that her husband puts her through. After all, at this point it seems pretty clear that Anthony did not marry her so much as the whitewashed idea of her that he had in his head. Think “The Shipping News” but with everybody looking like Muppets — Thérèse is basically Petal to Anthony’s Quoyle.
In that, Thérèse actually compares favorably. No gang-bang porn movies with Thérèse wearing an inartfully placed potato-chip bag to cover her face, no effort to “sell” their child to creepy third parties. But also no tragic end. Thérèse lives on.
August 20th, 2007 at 3:24 am
YO LOSER KIDS R ON THIS SITE!!! THIS SITE ISNT FOR U GO POST ON HELLO KITTY
August 20th, 2007 at 3:26 am
#158 – Squirrels!!! WE WANT MORE SQUIRRELS
FW – WIPE THAT GODDAMN SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE!!! Sheesh, isn’t this guy capable of drawing a normal human expression. At least he didn’t have Lisa smirking at Congress.
A3G – Now we’re in for a week of misused IT lingo on top of the misused drug lingo.
MT – Since when do they put barcaloungers on tractors?
August 20th, 2007 at 3:32 am
my wrist is still broken. i have bought many illegal painkillers. i am here to complain about the show lil’ bush. were in hell do u see a kid who is 5 years old have gray f***ing hair! never! damn straight never nation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and once more i am not steven colbert so dont think i am. goodnight everybody!
August 20th, 2007 at 3:35 am
my fellow americans i am here to say i have the wmds b****es. that show lil’ bush is a load of presidencial hoo-haw!!!!!!
August 20th, 2007 at 3:39 am
GA: Note the motion lines on the meteor/meteorite/meteor. Slim-man screwed the pooch on this deal. KEE-RASH! The blue grass is going to be ruling over Slim’s grave and he will be dead before he can pay the tax.
Was that a good comment, emperial sam semiyari?
August 20th, 2007 at 3:41 am
oh i cant feel my wrist!!!!!!!!!! dont put this on you tube!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am not steven colbert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
goodnight everybody!
August 20th, 2007 at 3:44 am
#150 True Fable: Confidentially, someone’s been chewing on Ned Tanner, with resulting damage.
August 20th, 2007 at 3:46 am
#165 Red: I miss the little basketballs that used to whirl around Slim’s batshit insane noggin.
August 20th, 2007 at 3:48 am
U STUDIP LITTLE WASTE OF DNA SEA TURTLE BARF MONKEY CRAP FACED UGLY COW PATTY
August 20th, 2007 at 3:54 am
THIS IS FOR GREEN BACK THE WASTE OF SPACE LOAD OF CRAP DNA, GODZILLA BARF, MONKEY CRAP,COW PIE FACED, LITTLE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN. MAY U BURN IN THE INTENCE FIRES OF GREEN HELL
August 20th, 2007 at 4:04 am
#168 Spotted HØrse: I don’t. I wanna see GA taken over by Derle and his band of wacky misfits, kinda like a comic strip version of “The A Team”…That would rock!
Hold up a sec…there is a
troll flamermosquito buzzing in my ear. *SWAT!*…got it! Peace out Mudges.August 20th, 2007 at 4:07 am
Red: Ritalin for all my friends! Nite.
August 20th, 2007 at 4:09 am
to make a long story short……. u suck green back ur the muscito that is buzzing around my @$$. and i dont want u to
leave the blog isnt for u
go blog on hello kitty or something
August 20th, 2007 at 4:31 am
O Kay…I’m “STUDIP” and using up yer precious oxygen and whatever, so what is yer sage advice, oh Master of all you survey? razors to wrists? starting my car wiih the windows open in an an enclosed space? a 357 Mag in the mouth? Your call.Yours in Krishna, Red
August 20th, 2007 at 4:37 am
All right, boys. Please take it outside. This site is for snarkin’, not flamin’
August 20th, 2007 at 4:49 am
Y’all know me…I’m an easygoing fellow who would never dis anyone on this blog, especially a 12year old wannabe whatever, but, Sorry if I fucked yer mom and didn’t pay her, emperial sam!
Case closed.
August 20th, 2007 at 4:54 am
#5 The Divine O’F
#21 FizzyLogic
Thanks, guys. Or else this might happen:
http://snipurl.com/1ppjq
August 20th, 2007 at 5:04 am
My fellow Mudges. Please forgive my undignified behavior. I am very sensitive like Alan Alda right now, and i would usually just ignore a flamer, but that just got my goat! (True Fable loves goats, too). I promise from this day on I will ignore all flames.
Red
August 20th, 2007 at 5:14 am
Hi Ivan. You are on the road to recovery and it’s beautiful!
If you ever come to SoCal, get my e-mail addie from Josh and we can hook up and go trolling.
August 20th, 2007 at 5:22 am
Ivan, I meant “trolling” in the non-cyberspace way, like “birddogging” in the physical sense. Peace, Red
August 20th, 2007 at 5:51 am
Sorry, couldn’t let this one go, it makes me happy:
per farla breve……. u succhia l’ur verde posteriore il muscito che bisbiglia intorno il mio @$$. e ho indossato vuole u lasciare l’isnt di blog per u va il blog su ciao il
gattino o qualcosa
August 20th, 2007 at 5:55 am
Abd this is cool, too:
?????…….???????????ur???????????muscito????????@$$.???dont????????????????????isnt?????????????????????????????????????????
August 20th, 2007 at 5:56 am
Abd this is cool, too:
?????…….???????????ur???????????muscito????????@$$.???dont????????????????????isnt?????????????????????????????????????????
August 20th, 2007 at 6:00 am
Abd this is cool, too:
resumir a história……. u chupa ur traseiro verde o muscito que zumbe ao redor de meu @$$. e vesti quero u deixar o isnt de blog para u vai blog em oi gatinho ou algo
August 20th, 2007 at 6:03 am
Dear Red, True Fable and all other ‘Mudges:
Early this morning, my son (aka NotStevenColbert) and the friend at whose house he was supposed to sleeping (aka emperial sam semiyari), logged on to this site and acted as complete and utter pre-teen jerks. Their copious and pain-induced apologies will be forthcoming before the sun sets. When I say my son will be grounded, I mean electrically, by means of 6 AWG copper wire, to a 240VAC three phase source.
I am treating this incident the same way I would treat these boys if they were to have crapped in the punchbowl of a dinner party thrown for a group of close friends. I communicate with both Red and TF off-channel and consider them both pals. This community is dear to me not only for the gut-busting humor and the kitten-with-a-ball-of-string interplay between its members, but also for the civility of the discourse. What happened early this morning was a major breach of that, so I wanted to assure you this will NOT happen again, and that there will be sackcloth and ashes aplenty this morning.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I have bees to grind. And by bees, I mean some kid’s asses.
Sincerely,
wille
August 20th, 2007 at 6:36 am
Well, this thread took a weird turn. Josh, could you find some excuse to start a new one so this one goes in the rear view mirror? (With all due respect to the worthy COTWers above)
August 20th, 2007 at 6:42 am
Thanks wille, Oh yeah. when I order my “Scratch Golfer” book, can i get yer kid to write “Dear Red, I only did what I did when I was your age, or something like that. Peace
August 20th, 2007 at 6:45 am
#187 Red: You’re a prince among Greenbacks. Thanks.
August 20th, 2007 at 6:48 am
#181 Red Greenback
per farla breve……. u succhia l’ur verde posteriore il muscito che bisbiglia intorno il mio @$$. e ho indossato vuole u lasciare l’isnt di blog per u va il blog su ciao il
gattino o qualcosa
this definitely made ME worry… promise that when we meet i SoCal you’ll be speaking English, OK? I only got “per farla breve”, the rest sounding vaguely obscene… :-)
August 20th, 2007 at 6:50 am
#185 – Wille – That is good news! I was up most of the night due to a health thing, and was deeply confused by those posts. Twelve year olds. Got it. No big deal from my perspective.
August 20th, 2007 at 6:50 am
When you were my age. I meant…crap!
August 20th, 2007 at 6:56 am
wille,
I had no idea what was going on, and thought a little pointed humor with a goat centerpiece might ease things but it didn’t. I recognized it was trolling so I cut out. (I remember last time that happened, ow) But I’m sure you will handle matters appropriately and well, so I’m good.
Thanks for your explanation. If your son grows up to be even half the fine man you are, he’ll be well ahead of the majority.
Appreciatively yours,
TF
August 20th, 2007 at 7:02 am
One-Armed Bandit @ 133 re: FOOB: Ah-ah-ah, there is no contradiction there. Sunday, Anthony merely asked for a long-term commitment, not marriage. He is as aware of the impending Time Stop as anyone else. He intended merely to ask Liz to stay in the same sexless, joyless, passionless forward-backward dance of platonic quasi-romance for eternity. Once Lynn has died and FBOFW has been handed off to one of her children or perhaps the real-life Shan…non, those two will still be taking glurgeriffic walks in the park with Francie and dining on sap and treacle at the Elegant House, mumbling platitudes about commitment.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:02 am
FOOB: Liz’s comment about Therese got me thinking about the contents of my own trashcan today. I think there’s some old coffee grounds, a mouldy tomato, and some paper towels I used to clean up cat barf. You see, Liz, there’s a reason things get thrown away. See? SEE?!?
August 20th, 2007 at 7:06 am
Wille. I am so sorry about the “fucking your mom” deal. I didn’t know that was yer kid and his homie doing that flamin’
August 20th, 2007 at 7:07 am
Dean Booth, if you’re even thinking about doing something with today’s “The plugger facial” panel, I’m going into hibernation until it’s well past.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:07 am
Bizarro: Funny today.
DtM: Ruff’s favorite dog food tastes like glass covered in dust.
GA:They actually went through with it. I have to respect this comic for following through on the doomfiest plot I’ve seen in many a moon…but if it works out the way Slim planned, I’m going to spank it.
SFx: Count Wierdly has a laser cannon. A CANNON THAT SHOOTS LASERS. And he can’t think of anything better to do with it than commit petty vandalism. Aim higher, Count! Take that thing to the Perntagon! At the rate the Baron’s going, you’ll beat him there by a fortnight!
RM: Twenty minutes later, Hugh continues rambling about his childhood, not even noticing that Rex has left the room and turned out the lights.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:09 am
(DT)GT: Well, I didn’t see that coming! Mainly because I have no idea who that is. It’s not Gail-without-the-braid?
and … I’m not seeing any color comics. Rats. Usually, I’d blame the emperor, but today I’m inclined to blame the 12-year-olds.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:13 am
#196 TB Tabby – …but if it works out the way Slim planned, I’m going to spank it.
Spank what? Whose?
You should know by now that a statement like that is going to bring out the wurst. :D
August 20th, 2007 at 7:27 am
There’s only one way to snark before work… SPEED SNARKING! Don’t read all the comments before you, don’t snark on every strip that pisses you off, just go for the comedy gold and throw away the dross, baby!
A3G: Go ahead, spit it out, doctor. The phrase you’re groping for is “another in the seemingly endless parade of insipid, interchangable wedges of processed cheese product that pass for men in this strip.”
BB: So, as he swings back and forth suspended from the balloon’s tether, Beetle displays Brownian motion.
C’Shaft: You’re one to talk about “piggy,” Little Miss Virginia Hams. Check out those forearms. You’re just pissed she derailed your plans to gobble those cupcakes down yourself, making grotesque, Cookie Monster-style smacking and gulping noises, while taunting the seniors under your care that they can’t have any.
DT: Our insipid, er, intrepid intelligence agents will have plenty of chances to find The Baron… an infinite number, in fact, since Dick has successfully trapped him in a stable time loop. Didn’t I see this on Dr. Who once? No, actually, I think it was Electro Woman and Dyna-Girl.
Luann: If Jack Tripper’s sidekick on “Three’s Company” wore an outfit by the designer who made Vera Shields’ outfits, with inspiration from Charlie Brown and the TDIET Men collection, you’d get TJ in this strip.
MC: Oh, God! Now that song’s in my head! Thanks a LOT, Ed Power. I take back everything I ever said nice about you.
Pluggers: Since when would Pluggers be caught dead wearing anything that had been ironed? That would be like GA’s Slim wearing a “Shaq” jersey.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:29 am
willethompson -
Thanks for the explanation. For a moment I thought that Lynn Johnston had found this site and was reacting to one of True Fable’s excellent FOOB rants.
SM – First, they drive out to Death Valley in a convertible wearing heavy winter clothes. Now they are in a Death Valley motel, sitting by a roaring fire. Are these people made of asbestos or what? Maybe they are in hell, but I think that’s where we are, and we’re being punished by having to read this tripe.
MT – As the evil developer spots something moving in the woods, Mark’s RHO’J sense is already starting to make his right arm tingle.
GT – Gail Martin’s braid is on the wrong side. She’s obviously an imposter, but Kaz would never notice something like that. Time to call Slylock Fox, who would solve the mystery after first gauging the temperature of Kaz’s pearl earring.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:30 am
FOOB – I’m a day late on this, but it’s been simmering in my brain. Sunday’s FOOB is perhaps the most gag-inducing thing I’v seen in the comics ever. Lynn’s not only putting Liz and Granthony back together, but she’s making them one of these sickeningly pretentious couples who think their relationship is so much better than everyone else in the world’s because they’re so fucking special. BLARRGGHHH indeed.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:38 am
Strange Brew: “Morale is low, as it appears there is a shortage of lubricant.” (Without the text, I would not have known these were boomarangs.)
#126 Countess. I’m surprised that you didn’t receive a response.
#195 Keg, you’re giving me ideas!
wille, don’t fret about the crap in the punch bowl. We parents have all had to administer the metaphorical fist o’ justice now and then. It could have been worse: My friend’s 13-year-old climbed up on the roof of his neighbor’s garage and pried up a bunch of shingles to add to his “fort.”
August 20th, 2007 at 7:48 am
(By the way, all the way back to #67, commodorejohn – I am one of those people. But while I could happily be Lassie’s lover or Minerva’s main squeeze, I just couldn’t be a cephalopod’s suitor.)
August 20th, 2007 at 7:52 am
Spider Man has forsaken TV, and look what’s happening! A quilted villain is running amok in L.A., and Flattop Hitler is attacking Spidey for not stopping him! After this, Peter is never going to not watch TV again, no matter how warm and toasty he is next to the roaring fire in Death Valley.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:59 am
Gadge #23:
YES! I appreciatively gazed at the sloth in GF for a few lingering minutes on Sunday! I like how Darby draws certain things. I felt that way the first time I saw the ferret neighbor, Fungo Squiggly.
Today’s Foob:
I think Shann..on has a better grasp on reality than Liz does. I had to skip down, so I don’t know if someone’s already pointed it out, but Lizard is saying to Clown-Candace that it’s “friendship” with Anthony. Huh. Okay. Is that why Anthony just proposed on Sunday? And you guys make out? And probably have sex [ohh nooo barffff] WTF, Liz? YOU ARE A BABYISH LOSER. Monday morning rage!
August 20th, 2007 at 8:01 am
How today’s (8/20/7) last 2 panels of FOOB really ought to read:
Liz: Therese threw away a wonderful man and a beautiful daughter…just threw them away!!!
Candace: And you’re into recycling!
Liz: No, I’m into Dumpster diving.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:03 am
FOOB – By “recycling”, what Candace really means is “Sloppy Seconds” – but you know, Lynn’s not really into the vernacular of twentysomethings today.
MW – Vera, Vera, Vera – one stumbly kiss does not mean “love”. What it means is – “I hope she drank enough of that red, red wine at the restaurant. Maybe I’ll get to cop a feel. ‘Wink’ “.
Willie – Aw…cut the kids some slack – no real harm done – I actually thought Chennux had spawned Emperial Sam – similar writing style.
Also – I was visiting my parents this weekend, which meant that for the first time in MONTHS, I actually read the Sunday Funnies in the paper. What a weird sensation!
August 20th, 2007 at 8:04 am
A3G – Um, ah – fluff the doctors before they go into surgery. Gary’s a…a, gay boy toy.
FBoFW – Are you ready for the responsibility of a child, Liz? What if Granthony pulls the old, you can’t boss me around, you’re not my mommy, thing. Tomorrow: Caged bikini pudding wrestling match between Liz and Therese.
MT – I hear Mr. Thomas’ daddy dresses him every morning, Rusty – that should help. What could that be? Was you dad out of town today, boss?
MW – After a drunken stumble down the pier, things turn horn-dog for Vera and Drew.
RMMD – Don’t worry, Hugh – in King Features Syndicate world, I doubt that attempted murder carries much over a week or two – of course that might take twenty years in strip life.
Luann – It’s final – TJ must stand for let me give your tool a job.
Plugger facial – na-ganna-do-it – wouldn’t be prudent.
TDIET – Oh Barfwell – caffeinated coffee and Coca Cola in your colonic high colonic. Preposterous!
JP – I can see Trudi and Keith are shred business people – I hope you can screw yourselves – I’m thinking it’s the only way it’s gonna happen for you.
FC – Well Billy, you’re looking at the metric scale – 65 kilometers per hour – Bil’s doing about 42 mph on the freeway, just like old Walt at GA told him he should.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:10 am
#187 me: Oh. Went back on track. Never mind.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:25 am
8/20
SFx: So Count Weirdly’s laser blaster is so powerful it can… lightly singe the edges of begonia petals. Maybe this weapon isn’t ready for primetime yet. Son’t rush those military contracts, Count.
S-M: Okay, so which reader wrote to Stan Lee and demanded more Peter/MJ foreplay. Because maybe you thought it was all fun and games, but we’re seeing real consequences unfold.
9CL: Yes Edda, but are you the son and the heir to a shyness that is criminally vulgar?
DT: If the baron has already forgotten he already told a cabbie to take him to the Pentagon, I think maybe we can adjust the threat level downward.
OBH: Livestock nativism.
H&J: And those who can’t preach, preach gym.
H&L: Way to go with the involved parenting, Hi. Next he’ll say, “Wait, I’ve got a daughter too?”
A3G: The hell you say. Tune in tomorrow, as a weeping willow outside the hospital says, “Hi. I’m a tree.”
Big Dog: While Marmaduke has been out chasing cars, Phil has been home chasing the dragon. It’s a shock for any dog to see his master this strung out.
DtM: I, um… yeah,
August 20th, 2007 at 8:30 am
#202 AhClem – “willethompson -
Thanks for the explanation. For a moment I thought that Lynn Johnston had found this site and was reacting to one of True Fable’s excellent FOOB rants.”
Thanks, man!
Bring the bitch on!
Lynnie! Lynnie BABY! You ought to be ashamed of yourself, putting two youngsters up to doing your dirty work! But what the hell, sugar lips; you are responsible for For Better or For Worse, so you should be ashamed on PRINCIPLE.
Oh, my little dried-up caribou turdlet, I know you are just itching to sink your claws into my Fabled shoulders and purr like a well-tuned motor as I rev your engine to the redline, but that just AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN. I’m saving my V-8 thruster for someone special. Face it, baby, our bore/stroke value is all off. A bore like you wouldn’t value my stroke.
Suffer, bitch!
XD
August 20th, 2007 at 8:32 am
8/20
A3G: Geez, could these two doctors be anymore obvious about the fact that they’re a couple? Mary Worth already knows about it and she’s not even in this strip. Of course Tommie’s completely clueless, but that surprises no one.
BB: Normally weather balloons have equipment attached to them, obviously this is just a birthday party gone awry.
Blondie: I actually found this amusing today. The joke itself is pretty flat, but I like the visual of Dagwood peeking around the corner.
‘Shaft: In place of a joke there’s a nurse harassing and belittling an old woman. I think it’s a turn for the better in the case of this strip. We can only hope this continues all week with some kind of epic conclusion.
DT: Oh for Christ’s sake, he was already in the cab on Saturday. I think what we’re seeing here is a case where the entire story was already drawn up and sitting on the publisher’s desk when a wind kicked up and scattered the strips everywhere. Now we’re getting strips that are blatantly out of place as they rush to piece it back together. Though that doesn’t exactly explain why the Baron seems to be hailing a cab and shouting instructions at the same time.
FC: The look of grim determination on Big Daddy Keane (aka: BDK)’s face really says it all. I have a feeling that wagon is about to straight over the edge of a cliff.
FOOB: Damn that Therese, how dare she throw away the soulless mass that is Anthony and his caged child.
GT: I am so lost right now. Even more so than every other time I read this strip. I suppose next we’ll flash back to Milford before we reach the exciting conclusion of The Adventures of Kaz!
Luann: Good Lord, he actually picked out those clothes himself? He looks like a 4th grader whose mom dressed him for school picture day.
MT: If we’re lucky, it’s Mark crashing through the bushes with the RH’OJ primed and ready. If we’re unlucky it’ll be a cute animal that Mark will have to save that’ll then start a lengthy court process on protecting the environment.
Phantom: So I don’t get it, what the hell was supposed to be so challenging about this journey? All I saw was a little stormy weather, nothing too serious. The only time anyone was in any danger is when the Ghost-Who-Doesn’t-Think-Things-Through took the kids directly into the range of armed crooks.
Popeye: Today we learn that Popeye is quick to ship Olive off to the circus. All is not roses and spinach in their marriage, apparently.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:40 am
Luann: Charlie Brown’s shirt reworked into sweater vest + pants high enough to choke Urkel + greasy curls + mouth permanently shaped like a cantalope wedge = stylin’.
This has been a style tip from the Getting Severely Beaten Council.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:43 am
Luann: Why did TJ dress up like Bill Cosby? Is he being traded to Curtis so he can complain about that “rap” junk?
August 20th, 2007 at 8:45 am
WTFunky Winterasparagus:
I support the troops and wish them home, especially if they have laptops that display letters in handwriting. She could of scanned the letter into a graphics file, but why?
August 20th, 2007 at 8:51 am
OMG, is TJ modeling the latest from Gunther’s fall line?
Thankfully it wasn’t another Pretty Princess gown, but it was close.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:52 am
For you fellow FOOB haters, you will enjoy the venomous snark on display over at Binky Betsy, a blog dedicated to FOOB rants.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:57 am
Overnight, it appears someone broke my Bonzo Detector: the damned needle is totally pegged in the red zone and bent halfway over. Sigh.
In other news, today we discover that Greg Evans has not, in fact, left his house, glanced at a magazine, or otherwise interacted with the rest of the world for at least two decades, if he thinks TJ’s sweater-vest and dark shirt combo is the height of fashion. Then again, it’s Brad and TJ who think it is – so maybe this is subtle, character-based satire and we’re just too bovine to get it.
August 20th, 2007 at 9:00 am
Oh – and if anyone actually wants to hear what the Bonzo Dog Band sounded like, my 8/17 blog entry (click on my name) has an mp3 of “Canyons of Your Mind”…
August 20th, 2007 at 9:01 am
MW – days on end of suckface. Cool it, Drew!
Don’t you have work to do?
FOOB – as much as I harp on Ant-Honey, he’s getting the short shrift today, treated like the limp plastic wrapper from a week-old cinnamon bun.
Reminds me once again of my beloved Edina Monsoon – “Second hand goods-can’t keep your hands off second hand goods, can you?”
Y’know what I just realized? Drew the tongue-digger and Lizardbrain the *ahem* – tease are perfect for one another. The double dysfunction would be a hoot and a holler for at least a few months!
August 20th, 2007 at 9:03 am
MW: Was this kiss really necessary? I was plenty sick to my stomach just from the prospect of coming to work today.
FW 8/19-8/20: Well, at least most of the speech was off-camera. Just like in real life.
GA: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, they actually hit the basketball court! The evil plan worked! (Well, until the ‘meteorite’ is revealed to be actually made of superball, and it bounces back up, hitting the helicopter, breaking its blades and knocking it out of the sky so that it comes crashing down to earth in flames, and when it impacts it makes one of those whimsical cartoon mushroom-cloud-thingies, which will be hilarious, even though the resulting fire will destroy four buildings and kill a litter of puppies trapped in one of them.)
August 20th, 2007 at 9:05 am
Luann: Finally! TJ is “out, proud and flashy.” It’s time to end the Toni nonsense and get down to some quality Brokeback Mountain “ah caint quit you” reference. But what’s this? A sweater vest and Don Knotts khakis pulled up to his stenum?
Oh, Greg Evans, in young, gay men you’ve finally found a demographic group you understand even less than teenage girls.
August 20th, 2007 at 9:13 am
FW: Oh yes – everybody at Band Camp has cancer.
FOOB: Now if my memory serves Blandthony guilted Therese into having a child that she didn’t want, then made goo-goo eyes at Liz while still married to Therese and therefore she’s the bitch?
Other thoughts here.
So they go from sucking face, like yesterday in the resturant? now they are just friends? righttt. either Liz is lying her ass off. Or Anthony can only do wearing the gimp suit which is at the cleaners.
“You’re not my real mommy!”
“It is going to eat these leftovers or it will get the hose”
Lord what a souless, narcsistic self satsified heap of parrot droppings (to borrow a Monty Python insult) these people are.
August 20th, 2007 at 9:14 am
#143 Frank Parsnip,
Very nice rundown on the Mary Worth “action.” I laughed heartily.
FW: Am I a bad person if I saw Wally and thought “At least Lisa’s hair is starting to grow back”?
August 20th, 2007 at 9:22 am
Monday FOOB: Now, now, Liz. Let’s not make Therese into a total bitch here….after all, i’m sure she must send Anthony and Francoise some cash each month…a house like that..plus…Anthony said he’d pull out, but he didn’t…something for you to think about.
Monday My Cage. I love this strip. When I first heard this song, it was performed by a garage band back in Lockport Illinois. They went by the names The Individuals, Austerity, and God knows what else. They did it well too. That’s what I like about choo…
August 20th, 2007 at 9:35 am
Red & Gadge @various – Go to YouTube and check on their Bonzo Dog holdings. “The Equestrian Statue,” “Little Sir Echo” (which I didn’t have anywhere else), “The head Ballet” (finally, we see the ballet), and more, including their indispensable performance of “Death Cab For Cutie” from Magical Mystery Tour (accompanying a stripper). Well, if you already know about them, then it’s everybody else’s turn to go look.
…You got a light, Mac?
August 20th, 2007 at 9:38 am
BWAx7HA! The kid-who-was-flaming-you’s mother is actually quite attractive. I wouldn’t have blamed you in the least.
August 20th, 2007 at 9:38 am
uh, that was for #196 Red G…
August 20th, 2007 at 9:45 am
Wow, am I late to the party.
Congrats to all COTW winners! Well done!
August 20th, 2007 at 9:46 am
A little FYI: Along with the usual ass-kissing idiots, there are some folks who are tearing Lynn a new one over in the Coffee Stalk at the Foobsite.
To wit: “There will be no acceptance of these two that they, like the rest of us, are flawed human beings, that there are things they need to work on, that there are people whom they have hurt and have unfairly villainized….There will not be these things, because they are not human beings, nor even a representation of human beings, they are merely two-dimensional cartoon characters spewing forth some lame gags.”
Thank you, Juana M, wherever you are!
and: “Liz’s sudden aggressiveness toward Anthony also emphasizes Anthony’s passivity and blandness. She comes across as a woman absolutely terrified that she is not going to find a man, and is desperately trying to hold on to her last chance. Anthony seems as though he just needs a friend–which is quite possible as he seems to be friendless, except for his business associates and the Pattersons….I don’t see any reason to recreate the dynamics of Elly and John’s marriage. Liz is obviously in training to become shrewish and demanding, and Anthony to become vague and always trying to soothe Liz’s feelings or do whatever she wants just to keep the peace….Liz and Anthony are not interesting, as the only thing that did make that relationship interesting was only hoping that they would find someone else.
Adios to you; this reader is discontinuing reading this strip in favor of something more relevant with dynamic characters.”
Tell it, Martin G in Dallas.
This also caught my eye:My question is this: will he some day be asking some other woman to wait for him while he figures out how to rid himself of Elizabeth? Or are you counting on the fact that no one else would be desperate enough to bother with such a sad excuse for a human being? Because Liz sure picked a winner this time!”
Interestingly enough, that was sent in by Lyn
Of course, you have to wade through things like this: “I’ve been smiling all day about Anthony and Liz. At last! I’ve gone back to reread it at least four times. What a heartfelt and beautifully written strip — one of the most romantic proposals of all times. I love the mutuality of the declarations; they are almost vows.
Their happiness is contagious! Thank you so much, Lynn.
Mary R”
Leprosy is also contagious; what’s your point?
August 20th, 2007 at 9:49 am
Wossername in My Cage isn’t going to be any happier when he starts adding in the “hold me ti-eeeeeeeeeeee-ght” line.
August 20th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Oh, and Trotzenbonnie, my crush!:
Just saw on MSNBC that “there will be a High School Musical 3, and High School Musical 4 is already in the works, but it won’t be on t.v. It will be on the big screen.”
Thank heavens there is no FBOFW: The Musical or I would explode into a thousand shards of snark.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:00 am
#202 AhChem– I think you’re on to something with GT. Kaz has stumbled into some kind of Star Trek TOS “Mirror, Mirror” universe, as evidenced by Gail’s opposite-draping braid and bandmember Spock in the Fu Manchu goatee. All we need now is a sexy, sexy Sulu with a scar, playing with his dagger (mrowr!) Will Kaz make it back to the right Enterprise in time? Stay tuned!
August 20th, 2007 at 10:06 am
A3G – Tommie’s looking at Gary like a parakeet seeing its own reflection. I thought Luann was supposed to be the dumb one.
Crankshaft – Ha ha, making fun of the elderly equals tons of laughs!
Curtis – Okay, the potential for out-of-context use of the second panel makes up for the obnoxious persistence of Billingsley’s “the rich are horrible people” theme.
DT – Okay, we’ve seen this same chain of events how many times now? Seriously, are they stalling for time, trying to decide what happens next in the storyline? Everything was going just fine, and then all of a sudden a five-minute conversation was stretched over two frickin’ weeks.
FC – Because you’re on the freeway, you dolt.
FOOB – Well, Anthony does have all the personality and good looks of an empty milk carton. Seriously, Lynn, if you’re going to drag this thing out into the Time Freeze, could you at least do us a favor and not cram in buttloads of transparent exposition/Liz-Is-Wonderful propaganda like you’re still trying to fit in the wedding by September?
FW – Coming up next: she falls off the platform and breaks her remaining arm, which gets infected and has to be amputated.
GA – You know, it’s a pity they had to toss it out while moving forward – it’s likely to hit something else by mistake. If only there was some sort of aircraft that could stop and hold position in mid-air while they simply dropped it out…but nah, they’d get a windmill to fly sooner.
GT – Wait, wait, wait. Did Gil Thorp catch Causality Failure Disease from Crock?
JP – First she’s Eddy Murphy in drag, then she’s a fat Mexican woman, now she’s white. Is Rosa a shapeshifter, or what?
MF – Yeah, God knows you never learn anything by discussing things with other people. I mean, would Plato’s Monologues be so well-remembered if learning could be achieved by group discussion?
MW – Yeah, but wait until the full moon turns her into a wolf. Is Dr. Drew a furry as well as a two-timing near-pedophile?
Pluggers – I did not need that image in my head.
SFx – I think Weirdly should get off the hook just for having a laser blaster with which to destroy flowers.
SM – Of course there’s a good reason he hasn’t fought the Shocker, Maria: he’s damned lazy.
Edison Lee – WTF!? They couldn’t afford a chicken-pox vaccination!? Geez, maybe Edison and his damned “brilliant mind” could make them some money?
August 20th, 2007 at 10:06 am
# 186 — willethompson, as a non-parent, I salute and appreciate those of you who are doing your level best to raise the generation that will have to deal with me as I slip into my dotage. Thanks for your eloquent and entertaining explanation, and let’s all be thankful that only comic characters have to stay pre-teens forever. Me at twelve, argh.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:11 am
GA — This meteorite weirdness and the Old Comic Characters Home are the first modern GA storylines I’ve experienced. I’d try to imagine what previous plots were like, or even check the archives, but I’m afraid my brain would explode.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:16 am
# 234 — Sir Fable MTK, the other day I stumbled across an official-looking website that claimed to have songs from a musical about Luann (the teen, not the A3G dimwit). Probably that has been mentioned on this site and my brain made me forget. I’m going to try to forget again. And thanks for the excerpts from Foobville. They provide just enough info to entertain me and prevent me from going back there myself.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:17 am
Like a case of Strep A, Lizard skanks forth with her Man-in-a-box plan.
I wonder who will chain whom to the playpen first!
“…one of the most romantic proposals of all times.”
She reads from a sheaf of papers in a nice restaurant, grabs her catch by his limp tie, and then they yell at the waiter for the bill.
Mmmm-hmm, really romantic.
Gone with the Foob – coming soon to a third-rate theater (theatre, ’scuse me Lynn) near you!
(Sounds of Calico retching in her office)
August 20th, 2007 at 10:18 am
True Fable reads the Coffee Talk letters so we don’t have to.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
August 20th, 2007 at 10:20 am
#236 – Re: Tommie, either that, or as an ER nurse she has a special key to a restricted little cabinet.
That look is priceless! It’s almost dopier looking than Luanne’s usual expressions.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:21 am
#239 Poteet, my queen!
I am afraid. Very afraid.
I could handle a Mark Trail musical; it’d probably be sung mostly in monotone, sure, but there’d be some jaw-bustin’ action at least!
No one would try to produce a MW, JP, or RMMD musical since it would take months to sing and by that time the orchestra pit would be filled with suicides.
But…Luann? What, like Cats wasn’t repetitive enough?
August 20th, 2007 at 10:25 am
#241 AhClem – I credit it all to my awesome painkillers. It makes the stabbing sensation in my eyes bearable. That, and I am simply curious as to how much more pimped out one website can get.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:43 am
Crankshaft: Look at the smug look on that old bat’s face in panel two. “I was hungry.” Time for her to be taught a lesson. Perhaps a fall down a flight of stairs will learn her not to stuff her cupcake hole so full! (Seriously, what emotion is Batiuk trying to evoke from the reader this morning? Who do we root for? I’m tempted to go the default route and keep hating on the elderly white folks, but the nurse outweighs grandma by at least 100 pounds, so it’s not really a fair fight.)
FW: (from Saturday): Again, Lisa wasn’t even invited to speak, yet here she is speaking, and they made her a sign with her name on it for the insomniacs watching her testimony at 3am on CSPAN.
“Until a few weeks ago, I was an attorney. Now I’m just cancer in a dress. Thank you.”
I never thought I’d look forward to the lighter-toned jighjinks of Crankshaft hating on kids on his bus, but when the choice is between elder abuse and cancer…
August 20th, 2007 at 10:45 am
Congrats to, well, just about everyone it seems. Trilobite and crew, Dean Booth [TDIET], Squiddy [prize] and Trotzenbonnie, just because. And you’re Lizardbreath? You owe me at least two wins. Swoop! Swoop! And #57 Poteet: that’s some sublime snark there. I’m only up to the base camp [comment 90] so I’ll re-join you after I acclimate.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:54 am
# 243 — BWAHAHA! Sir Fable MTK, you’ve done nothing to deserve this, but look to the right of the top three charming faces on the page below. I wasn’t able to post a link to the songs themselves (which I haven’t heard), but I bet you’ll be able to control your sorrow…
http://www.comics.com/comics/luann/
August 20th, 2007 at 11:00 am
FOOB: The Musical? Dear crap.
A partial list of numbers would look like this:
ACT ONE: The Foobening of August
Overture
Prologue. Lynn: Senility Sets In
1. Michael: Coma Dreams
2. Elly and John: Our Private Little Bubble
3. April: Farmed Out and Forgotten
4. Dee: Step on Me–Please!
5. Liz and John: Creepy Advice is Good Advice
6. Anthony and Liz: The Cinnamon Bun Crumb Tango
7. Gordon: Aren’t I Michael’s Age?/Dude, Where’s My Hair?
8. Edgar: Requiem for Farley/Would that I were a Werewolf
9. Shannon: My … Song … About … Be…ing … A … Wal…king… Pub….lic… Ser…vice… Ann…ounce…ment
10. Francie: Doomed Little Girl (Trapped in a Cage)
11. Anthony and Liz: The Ew! Waltz
12: Mike an’ Dee: Raising Hellspawn
13. Full Cast: Retch and Spew
ACT TWO: Hybridization
1. April: I’m getting a Feeling of Deja Vu
2. Michael: The Me Song
3. Becky: Roadside Rock and Roll
4. Grampa Jim: Please Let Me Die
5. Michael: Tappa Tak Tappity Tap Takka
6. John: Happiness in HO Scale
7. Elly: Flap Flap Flap HONK
8. April: I’m (still) getting a Feeling of Deja Vu
9. Full Cast: FLASHBACK! (disco style)
10. The Patterbrats: We Eat Mud/Daddy Who?
11. Shiimsa: My Plan of Escape
12. Liz and Anthony: Boringly Ever After
13. Lynn: Revenge on my Readership! Ha ha!
Closing Number: Full Cast: Flap Flap Flap HONK (as a rumba)
August 20th, 2007 at 11:00 am
# 124 — SecretMargo, “freckled aspic” is priceless. Truly. I shall remember it for as long as I’m faced with Anthony’s gormless countenance, which now looks to be forever.
# 128 — Thank you, Lou. Me and John Updike in the same short comment — I’m modestly elated.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:04 am
# 248 — Inspector Dim, you SO owe me a keyboard. And a monitor. And an office chair. And thank you so much for giving Shimsa that song. Good luck, Shimsa!
August 20th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Crankshaft – Well, obviously the cupcakes belonged to the old bat, and she was within her rights to eat as many as she wants. I think the purpose of the strip is to expose the character of the nurse, and perhaps Batiuk is going to address a really relevant problem for a change – the problem of caregivers ripping off the elderly. I’m thinking that nurse Cupcake-Breath is going to get a hold of her online banking password and drain her account (that is, if the son hasn’t already beaten her to it).
August 20th, 2007 at 11:06 am
# 250 — I did that on purpose. “Shimsa” means “Get Me Out Of Here.”
August 20th, 2007 at 11:10 am
FOOB etc.: All right, I will say it again. We are talking about cartoon characters here, CARTOONS! We must keep this in mind. If we want to get apoplectic about something worth apoplecticising about, we should read the news reports or watch Meet the Press.
Incidentally, how much you want to bet that the meteorite landed on Slim’s roof or on the roof of his truck? How much you wanna bet?
Also, I have said this before: I like Curtis. He’s got spunk. And his little brother Barry is a conniving little bastard sometimes. I find this genuinely amusing.
I wish Gunk would take Curtis on a vacation back to his Island (the name of which escapes me right now). Or has this plot been used already?
August 20th, 2007 at 11:12 am
Congrats to all the selectees! Josh has the hardest job in the world. Well, aside from Lynn’s ego-stoker, that is.
Ivan from one of the yesterthreads: I do not know where in Parma you could find those particular comfort foods. You may have to come to the US and try Bob Evans or Marie Callender.
GA: Yes, the projectile is heading right for the basketball hoop. It’s also heading right for the side of Slim’s building, and the wreckage will most likely fall on Slim’s truck. Ha ha!
FOOB: I can’t decide if Candace is supporting Liz or snarking on her. I choose snarking.
TDIET: I know this is like shooting fish in a barrel, but what “bistro” serves oysters and chili dogs on fine china? This place might sometimes have oysters on the menu, and it always has encased meats, but the fine china? Not so much. (Still obsessed by food. I must have a tapeworm.)
I(?)GT: How nice of Thing to drop by and wave the note in front of Gail in panel 2. And what a lovely manicure! Now who will be behind door #341? The smart money is on record-having Fu Manchu Man, what with his criminal background and his facial hair and all, but what about Moustachioed Manager Man? Facial hair–check! Li’l Drummer Boy Ben? Probably not. Nonmemorable other band member? Maybe, if only because this is I(?)GT, where randomness rules.
Luann: Could TJ be our friend Barky-Stick Tyler from I(?)GT? He’s got the hairstyle and the fashion sense.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:13 am
The Spectacular Spider-Brick #201 No, see, Pluggers are the only ones who iron these days. The rest of us wear clothes that don’t need ironing. I haven’t ironed since forever. Who buys things that need to be ironed. Either it is sent to the dry cleaner, or it comes out wrinkle free.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:19 am
#253 – With all due respect, this site is called The Comics Curmudgeon. We come here to escape news reports and Meet the Press. If you want to get apoplectic about current events, there are thousands of sites that can accommodate you.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:23 am
159 Squid Countess: to mangle an old saying–from your keyboard to Jack Elrod’s drawing hand!
255 Rainbird re ironing: Not that anyone cares, but when I lived in New York I still had a lot of ironable cotton clothes. I’d usually wait until they were all too dirty to go any more, then wash them all and wait for the hottest day of the year and iron them all then. Why the hottest day of the year? Because I figured I was already as hot as I could get, so ironing wouldn’t make it any worse. And it worked!
August 20th, 2007 at 11:24 am
true fable:
Why do kids take our name in vain?
I’m sorry that they were being stupid.
sinceraly huntingbyrd
August 20th, 2007 at 11:24 am
New Yorker caption contest is up: http://www.cartoonbank.com/CapContest/CaptionContest.aspx?affiliate=ny-caption
August 20th, 2007 at 11:26 am
Regarding Sunday’s strip
I do think it is just darling that they completed and their homework and brought it along on their date. It’s hipster kink time! Like clubs that throw fake proms. Their special place will be ‘the classroom’.
Perhaps when things progress, Anthony can do a book report on the Karma Sutra.
All the while Liz will be wearing her hair in a fetching bun done up with very sharp pencils to be used later. She will have on a tightly cut 1940’s tweed ensamble wit her slip and garters showing.
Miss Patterson will tell her befreckled Anthony over and over he needs to get his grade up, or he won’t be able to graduate to real women.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:26 am
On the contest: the third caption for the airplane-bacterium thingy looked familiar. Was it one of ours? The other two seemed very lame and not even close to some of our best.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:29 am
#186 – wille – Thanks for the explanation of what that all was. I was scanning through the comments and was, of course, befuddled and bemused as to who the sub-literate trolls were who were attacking my family. Turns out they were family! Well, extended family. I appreciate your explanation, as it would have been all too easy to let them slink off into the night. You’re obviously as good a dad as you are everything else (snarker, writer, graphic artist, maven, etc.).
#220 & #224 Gadge & Lettuce – exactly my thoughts upon seeing TJ’s outfit today. What fresh hell is this and did you know that your mother dresses you funny? Not funny-funny, strange-funny. And do something about your hair. Weirdo.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:31 am
The Divine O’F #259 The only one I’ve thought of, so far, for the NYer caption is “They said I was overdressed.”
The winning captions for last week weren’t as good, by half, as ours. We must breach the castle.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:31 am
#253 Little A. – I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Lynn (and, by extension, her characters,) is more than deserving of everything we throw at her, because she has influence among a great number of people (taken a look at Coffee Talk lately?) and thoroughly and completely abuses that influence to promote her fucked-up anti-feminist (and by “feminist” here, I mean anybody who thinks women should be able to hold jobs outside the home and shouldn’t have to get married) militant anti-male suburbia-centric all-others-are-scum worldview.
And besides, if you’re coming to the Comics Curmudgeon looking to avoid curmudgeoning, you’re making a large mistake.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:33 am
#254 – GotFuzzy: That Hot Doug’s place seems rather interesting. Though I am wondering about the “Duck Fat” fries and if Mark “Bash ‘Em Up” Trail has been notified. I pray for Doug’s sake that he isn’t opening a location in the new LoFo Mall.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:33 am
So I was in a used bookstore in Ellicott City a few days ago and found a small book of Dennis the Menace comics from the 1950s.
I found myself actually laughing out loud at most of the gags.
Example: one cartoon showed Dennis flat on his ass at the bottom of the stairs, overturned wagon nearby, and his mother looking in on the scene. The caption read, “Where were you? I could have gotten myself killed!”
I mean, it’s not comedy gold, but when I read today’s Dennises, I find myself blinking a few times, then scanning the rest of the page desperately for a sweet nugget of Mary Worth.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:38 am
#259 O’F — I just submitted only my second ever entry for the contest:
“Honey, I’m nude!”
Moronic, I know, but it seems to be about the right speed for the winners.
Josh
August 20th, 2007 at 11:39 am
NY’er Caption:
“I have the oddest feeling that I’m forgetting something.”
-or-
“I wonder why Ted was whistling at me today.”
-or-
“You wouldn’t believe what happened on the subway.”
August 20th, 2007 at 11:47 am
williethompson: Don’t be too harsh on the boys. Clearly one of them has at least been reading CC long enough to attempt a parody of our Galactic Overlord (may he live forever). Isn’t it nice that they’re even reading? I just worry a little about the preoccupation with Hello Kitty…
Anyhow, it’s nothing that a thousand years in the Chlorine mines of Eta Carinae IV won’t fix (builds character!)
GT: I’ve always prided myself, in a shameful way, on being able to eke some sense out of even the most grotesquely-hashed GT strip. I figure it keeps my mind sharp, or something. But today’s is like a Sudoku puzzle with five 3’s and the letter Q in the center box. Help?
August 20th, 2007 at 11:48 am
this is for #177 green back, sorry that wasnt my mom that was ur brother. anyway screw u!
sincerely empirial sam
August 20th, 2007 at 11:51 am
sorry ppl about wat i said. ppl were being jerks to me so i replied. if that is a crime then so be it.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Possibly NYer caption:
“I found out that “Casual Friday” isn’t all that casual.”
#247 Poteet -
Thanks to the image on your Luann link, I got to experience my lunchtime “Smart Ones” Lemon Herb Chicken Piccata twice today. Now I gotta find me some paper towels.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Tweeks_Coffee, the duck fat fries are the real deal, and worth the RHoJ. Incidentally, Hot Doug’s is the only place so far to run afoul of the fois gras ban in Chicago (sorry for the FOOB-level pun). Great, inventive sausages, just no fine china.
And I forgot MW in my earlier comments. There are two ways things can go now. One way is for Dawn to stumble on to the scene, and she and Vera can have a catfight over Dr. Drew right there on the beach. The other is for Vera to tell Mary that she has had a smooch-fest with Drew. Mary will tell Drew that he must cease his heart-breaking ways, and the love triangle will be disassembled, with Drew pairing up with a nurse who is more age-appropriate, Dawn with a classmate from Local University, A. Nyce Youngman, who is studying, ummmmm, something, and Vera with her brother, just like God intended. This being Mary (Meddlin’) Worth, we know which way it’ll go. There is the third option, of course, involving Johnnie Walker and the lack of guardrails (Aldo–come back!).
August 20th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
New Yorker Caption: I submitted “They rejected my fashion line proposal, dear.” And wow, could the finalists up for vote on that other comic be any less funny?
Luann: My issue is that his waist is too high… Are there really sweater vests that busy? And couldn’t he have done something with his hair? God, call What Not to Wear and fix him!
Over the Hedge: Every strip should illustrate at least one fanfic idea.
[FOOB: Rocks fall, everyone dies.]
Of course the one fan that I can remember that they’ve talked about in this strip is some furry who shaved his dog to make an RJ (the raccoon) suit. This bodes quite well.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Josh – I just now got your little Elvis reference/tribute in your Metapost header.
A little more snark absorption, and I should finally realize that it’s Monday.
FC – Daddy Keane doesn’t realize he’s on the Autobahn. Look out, Pops!
3G – could there also be an impending Geek-fight over Tommie’s affections? That would balance out the shenanigans in MW perfectly!
Blondie – Dag looks charmingly a bit like Slylock Fox today – sort of that “Kilroy” mode.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Sigh. I think this Mark Trail storyline is going to involve a lot less punching, and a lot more beavers. And not the good kind of beavers, either, the ones with the dams.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Awwww! Youse all so cute in your little COTW party hats. And looka who showed up, popping ballons with a Virginia Slim in each hand.
Party’s over, mules…
To: Multiple recipients
Re: Copyright Violation
Dear Sirs and Madams,
I
can’t decide if this is Heaven or LasVegasregret to inform you that your postings on this website are a violation of recently-instituted Canadian Copyright Statutes. To wit, Sections 6.02 and 1023 clearly specify that “electrons” are the property of Lynn Johnston, Inc., whose popular graphic serial “For Better or For Worse” currently appears in over 2000 newspapers worldwide.You are hereby notified to remove any and all posts containing said electrons, and in the future employ a public domain subatomic particle. Additionally, I have conferred with Ms. Johnston regarding this matter who stated (and I quote) “Yes, I’m serious. And stop calling me Shirley”.
So to you, I say only this: brown
Brown is the color of the three C’s: coffee, chocolate, and scotch (ok, I lied about the last one. Whaddya want? I’m a lawyer). Brown begins with the same letter as excellent things like Beaujolais and Baguette and (natch) BMW, and not-so-excellent things like Bell bottom and Brunette and the Beau Brummels (wo-man!), not to mention (Pro) Bono, which as far as this gal is concerned is someone Cher dumped to marry Gregg Allman.
Brown is the color of every part of me when I return from St. Barts or St. Kitts or St. Johns or St. Martin or St. Moritz or St. Tropez or St. Vincent, but not St. Louis, which is not someplace you go to as much as someplace you fly over. Why they don’t just fence in the ‘Lou like Thunderdome and let the locals thin the herd escapes me, and I have an IQ of 171. (And don’t even get me started on East St. Louis. That place is Beirut without the nice beaches. The only thing keeping the suicide bombers down is that religious nutties on the Big Muddy skew Baptist. Toodle-oo, indeed.)
Defy me, and this color shall be your color. I’ll be on you like a man eating cow (ok, that sounded better in my head).
All the best,
SueAnn
August 20th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Oh look! A TWOFER!
And you thought you hated Mondays before…
To: Squid Countess
Re: Copyright Violation
Dear Countess,
I
sharpen up my teeth (white sugar, he speaks French)regret to inform you that your Nom de Blog is a violation of Canadian Copyright Statutes 1603, 1793, and 1796, which clearly reserve all rights to title of royalty to Lynn Johnston, CEO of Lynn Johnston, Inc., whose popular graphic serial “For Better or For Worse” currently appears in over 2000 newspapers worldwide.You are hereby notified to cease and desist in the use of the title “Countess” and select an appropriate royalty-neutral monkier. Acceptable alternatives include “Squid Prole”, “Squid Serf” and “Squid Proliterat”. Additionally, I have conferred with Ms. Johnston regarding this matter who stated (and I quote) “Litigation Macht Frei!”. (Yeah, she’s crankier than usual. I think kitty has a nosebleed, if you know what I mean.)
So to you, Countess, I say only this: green
Green is the color of money. Um, that’s pretty much all I got for green.
Defy me, and this color shall be your color. I will usurp you like Richard the III in a Diebold voting booth.
Warmest regards,
SueAnn
August 20th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
And Inspector Dim, I love love love the FOOB musical. We could call it FOOBical! Like Seussical. No? OK.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
#266 Ash– My first childhood comics thrill was late 60s’ DtM, just before Hank Ketcham lost his creative comic spark and starting relying on gag writers (he’s never denied this), when you could get all the earliest DtMs in fifty-cent paperbacks. Really the best kid comics until Calvin and Hobbes came along.
The decline and fall of DtM and the ruining of the Ford Mustang between 1967 and 1974, gave me a lifelong sense that our civilization is in decay. Vietnam, Altamont, and Watergate weren’t nearly as disturbing.
MT – I love it that Mark gets to ride a horse to the construction site while Rusty has to trot along on foot. I believe this answers the question of Rusty’s relationship to Mark– he’s some kind of serf.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
HOLD IT! How could Lynn’s, er, “kitty” be having a nosebleed when she is CLEARLY past the nightgown-flapping stage of her life?
TAKE THAT!
August 20th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
279: FOOBical! It sounds like something you eat! I love it.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
#274 Dicky, O’F., et al.:
“Well, the judge rejected my briefs…it went downhill from there.”
Roz Chast I ain’t.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
NYer caption:
“TSA says you don’t have to remove your shoes anymore.”
-feh-
I like AhClem’s.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
My favourites so far are AhClem’s at #272 and Tweeks_Coffee’s last one at #268.
My lukewarm attempt:
“Honey, did I forget to pick up dinner?”
August 20th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
FOOB: Gotta get in my Foob-poke-in-the-eye (thanks, Dean!):
http://www.yo-god.com/comics/bats/bats.htm?22
August 20th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
NYer Caption:
“So you didn’t order a gigolo with sock garters, huh? How embarrassing. Can I use your can?”
August 20th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
My submission for the New Yorker caption contest:
“Bad news, honey. I lost the jaybird account today.”
August 20th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Alternate naughty NYer caption:
“Oh! Wouldn’t you know, I forgot the money. My pimp would absolutely bitch-slap me if I came back without it! Ha-ha. Anyway, thanks, and please call us again any time.”
August 20th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
NY Caption Contest –
Two lame attempts –
“I dropped off the laundry.”
“I still say I should be allowed to wear my birthday suit on my birthday.”
August 20th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
#282 – with apologies to Roger Hodgson, it’s “The Foobical Song!”
August 20th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
#284 – gh:
Ha! Submit it!
#285 – SQB: Thanks, I submitted that one so now I just wait a couple weeks to find out that I (along with every other Curmudgeonite) got passed over.
#287 – Dim:
Well I’d certainly like to see that one win, at least.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
More NYer:
Frank’s first day back at the office after months of telecommuting is a failure.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
NYer caption:
“Corporate flew in and gave us a real dressing-down.”
August 20th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
#292 Tweeks_Coffee –
Mebbe. I couldn’t pick from among yours. Thanks for relieving the pressure.
This week’s crop is exceptional!
August 20th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
147. Robert: I don’t read Edison Lee, so I don’t know how it is. But dang, Delaware once again leads the nation in common sense, booting the Big Dog, Cathy and FC. All of these are mainstays of hack, “safe” cartooning, to my way of thinking.
(After the end of days, I swear the rats and cockroaches will still be able to read FC in the AZ Daily Star…)
156. Goses: it’s okay, Goses. Liz told Asshathony that she was going out for a speed-dating night, and he gallanted offered to help her prepare her questions. He even pretended it was a real date with her, and bought her dinner, and even dessert!
And then he went home and cried himself to sleep.
195. Andreavis: I’m considering starting an earthworm compost box (in a large Rubbermaid-type of container). I admit that I saw Martha Stewart make one on her TV show (yeah, yeah, this was a few weeks before I discovered CC), and helping her was David Hyde Pierce, who seemed less than thrilled with the prospects.
I don’t think Martha would consider cat barf a good candidate for the compost box. I’m not sure about Anthony…even chopped up finely, probably considered a “meat” product, although I’d lean toward oatmeal…
208. michael: *snort!!* Stellar response!
232. True Fable: please take solace in the fact that by the fourth time Mary R reread the Sunday FOOB, she didn’t have to sound out every word as she read it, and she didn’t move her lips at all! Go, Mary R!
August 20th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
#290 fizzy logic — I like “I dropped off the laundry.” Succinctness counts.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
#295 – gh: I only live to serve and snark.
Ny’er Round 2:
“Boy, that wind’s really blowing today!”
-or-
“Do you feel a draft?”
-or-
“Honey! I figured out how to get a cab to stop!”
August 20th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
#294 – gh – I like that one. Clever.
#297 – SQB – Yeah, of the two, that one was better. I went ahead and entered it just so I don’t have to think about it any more. Thanks for the help.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
NYer caption: I think I saw Colin Nissans caption on this blog. One of us One of us Gobble, etc. Vote 4 Colin!
August 20th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
267. Josh, is that really fair, going for the lowest common denominator? ;)
(My entry was “Another down-turn at the stock market today, dear?” Yeah, blatantly playing on NYC employees…I’m so ashamed…)
August 20th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
# 159 — Squid Countess, I’m excited too. Ooh! Ooh! If I were forced to bet, I’d bet on some kind of turtle, which seems more likely to be crawling around in the grass instead of fleeing. Except that this is MT, which means adorable mammal or bird, preferably young, is more likely. Oh well. And I do hope the underlying message of this storyline won’t be that animals don’t mind at all if you destroy their habitat as long as you carefully shoo them away first. Sorry, MT, but I’m more suspicious than I used to be.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
#259, Re: The Caption Contest,
How about the obvious and yet also lame,
“Honey, have you seen my briefs?”
or maybe,
“Wait a minute, this isn’t the nude business office.”
or,
“Hey, what happened to all of our wall art?”
Ok, maybe not.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE WEENER CALLED EMPERIAL SAM SEMIYARI! CHENNUX IS TALKING TO YOU!
ANYONE WHO DISSES RED GREENBACK, DUB AND TRUE FABLE IS ASKING FOR A DEEP-CLEANING MAGMACANNON ENEMA! YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT GUYS WHO STOOD WITH CHENNUX AT THE FooB WELDING OF SHAWNA-MARIE AND ‘RANDOM DARK-SKINNED GUY!’ MIND YOUR MANNERS AND PLAY NICE UNLESS YOU’VE GOT SOME 2.8 x 10 TO THE 9th SUNSCREEN HANDY! HAHA! GRRRR!
GENTLEMEN! CHENNUX HAS YOUR BACK!
END TRANSMISSION!
August 20th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
267 Josh: I like it!
283 Incomprehensible Nom de Blog: BWAHAHAHA!
I just submitted: “Honey, it’s time to do the laundry.” I’ve given up trying to be clever.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
To Galactic Emperor Chennux, wherever you are — I hope you’re having a great time! And I have a teensy favor to ask. If it should ever come to pass, Melkar forbid, that Therese is dragged back into Foobville and forced to assume a groveling, weepy, repentant attitude because she now realizes how wonderful Granthony is and how much she misses her darling Francie, could you please put out a cosmic contract on Lynn with extreme prejudice because that really would be Just. Too. Much. Thank you.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
John Milton’s Sonnet XIX Updated:
When I consider how my time is spent
Through all my days, on this Web World and Wide
And my one talent which is being snide
Aim’d at the funnies, with my soul so bent
To serve therewith Fruhlinger, and present
My true account, as proud Curminions chide,
“Do strips go on existing, zombified?”
We sadly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: “Josh doth not need
My A-game every time. Who reads B.C.
And Anthony and Liz, and all that shit
They serve him best, those loyal folks who read
And don’t quite always spew hilarity;
They also serve who only snark a bit.”
August 20th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
# 307 — *loud sniffing* Skullturf, that is so beautiful. Thank you.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Squirrel Alert!
(Of course the dingdongs at CBS news illustrated the article with a Mark Trail squirrel (your basic bushy-tailed, sit-in-a-tree gimme-a-peanut variety), when in fact the real heroes of the article are California ground squirrels:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/08/14/tech/main3165626.shtml
Perhaps a future MT Sunday strip will reveal the beauty that is the noble California ground squirrel!
August 20th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
268 Tweeks — I like your third one.
288 Darkefang — Not bad at all, and probably the right speed for them.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
#307 SQB –
Lovely!
And true!
August 20th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
SQB: Brilliant. Simply brilliant. “They also serve who only snark a bit” gives me a reason to go on living.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
NY Contest –
1. “I told you they wouldn’t like the tutu!”
2. “Honey, y’know your idea about edible clothing…?”
3. “So maybe I’m not cut out to be an artist’s model!”
4. “Ever have a day when it seems like everyone’s staring at you?”
5. “‘Try out for the lead in The Emperor’s New Clothes,’ she says! ‘Do something that will make you stand out from the crowd,’ she says! ‘Remember: Publicity is everything,’ she says!”
6. “That company maybe isn’t as Green as you thought, darling.”
7. “Guess where I had to keep my key!”
8. “Now, before you say anything, just remember that Mrs. Goldblatt is a happily married woman, our elevator gets stuck a lot, and it’s mid-August.”
August 20th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE CALLED #306 POTEET!
MY SYRUP-DANCING FRIEND, IT WOULD BE AN IMPERIAL HONOR TO PERFORM A MAGMACANNONING OF THAT MAGNITUDE! CHENNUX WILL MAKE THE SURROUNDING AREA LOOK LIKE A THOMAS’ ENGLISH MUFFIN RUN THROUGH A BESSEMER FURNACE! BRING BUTTER AND WATCH IT POOL IN THE NOOKS AND CRANNIES! OR IN THERESE’S CASE, IN THE CROOKS AND NANNIES! HAHA!
END TRANSMISSION!
August 20th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
300: I remember that one too! C’mon, fess up somebody. (I already voted for it, as it was clearly the funniest. I mean…Roswell ? Germ [does not equal sign] alien, and we’ve just had a influenza scare involving airplanes. Lordy.)
Upward and onward:
Well honey, I know was skeptical this morning, but I think everyone at the office ended up enjoying Casual Sex Friday.
(that was partly inspired by gh’s TDIET)
Can you tell me if I smell funny? No one would sit next to me on the subway today.
I don’t care what anyone says, I think the Emperor should design all our clothes.
No one else seemed to like the suit you got me for my birthday, dear.
283: Yours and Josh’s are my current faves
August 20th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
#307 Skullturf Q. Beavispants –
Ne’er were truer words spoke.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
315. Ugh…I pasted in the wrong draft: that first one should read: I know I was skeptical this morning, but I think everyone at the office ended up enjoying Casual Sex Friday.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
#310 Lame Name –
“Not bad at all, and probably the right speed for them.”
Awww, judging from the comments by people here about the New Yorker caption winners, being the “right speed for them” is code for “dumb as hell.”
August 20th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
When did you switch to butter? I (correct me if I’m wrong) thought buuter was yer thang. Oh, and thanx for the back up re. that little prankster kid. Also I hope “Peggy”was returned in her original condition, Thanx for the loan of a most excelllent megaconsort.
Your bestest earther pal, Red
August 20th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
MW — While Dr. Drew may be able to take advantage of Desperate Dawn and Vulnerable Vera, he’ll soon find out that he’s no match for Meddling Mary. When Mary soon learns that he’s toying with the hearts of two of her “Charterstone Children” she will lay her wrath upon him inbilical prpoprtins. Only her fondness for Dr. Jeff will prevent her from a full-blown Kelrasting of Dr. Cory the Younger.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
268: I missed this one initially. I like the second one!
303: off-model – I like your second one, too. Viva Puns!
313: odinthor: I like the uncluttered daftness of #4
and D O’F — so glad to have you aboard the S.S. Caption today! Yours is a nice riff on fizzy’s “laundry” one.
284: This is my favourite of yours, gh.
263: I rather like that one, Rainbird. Understatement=funny when the drawing is so broad, I think (though I had trouble implementing this philosophy myself, obv.).
318: I think that’s just residual “thongbird” bitterness. I was playing around with a “jaywalking” joke that just didn’t jell, so I know where you’re coming from. I thought yours was funny/appropriate for the NYer.
Watch, the winning caption will be “It’s a jaybird.” Or, “I hear rosé is making a comeback lately.”
August 20th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
More NYer Captions A la Lame (Name):
1 “I think my chest hair set them on edge.”
2 “You wouldn’t believe the new dress code.”
3 Mitch’s new porno concept, “Did somebody call for an accountant?”, left producers cold.
4 “Socks first, then shoes?”
5 “Are these loafers too casual?”
6 “Lucky for me, there was a nearby fig tree.”
7 “You were right. They wanted to see my body of work.”
August 20th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
#300, #315 – Yeah, I’m pretty sure that one belongs to someone on here. Definitely the best, anyway. (Yeah, I didn’t get the Roswell reference either. So now Roswell can be used to describe anything odd?)
August 20th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
293, Inspector Dim: I love yours! Especially after I saw this article this morning.
DtM: I can’t believe that my first thought when I saw today’s was “I can’t wait to see Ruff shopped with some other character in a compromising position.”
August 20th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
324: Eee! How disturbing to have my suspicions confirmed.
Note to self: telecommute.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
My NYer : “Sorry, I think I’m next month’s cartoon!”
August 20th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Actually, that very sentence might be a good one for the caption contest.
“Note to self: telecommute.”
August 20th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
FLOOB
Wait! What’s that thing on Candace’s face? Oh no! Lynn’s going to play the cancer card next…
August 20th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
318 Darkefang — sorry if that sounded backhanded. I honestly liked it, mainly because I automatically assumed “advertising account” and had a wonderful time trying to picture the pitch meeting. It leaves just enough to the imagination. If I echoed Josh’s somewhat self-deprecatory assessment (should’ve though of a better way to say it), it was because I’m convinced that unlike, say, my “Did somebody call for an accountant?” joke, I think it could actually win.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
#322, Lame Name,
I like yours, especially #3. Now if only “funny” and “clever” were what they were looking for.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
From the notebook of Ian Thompson aka NotStevenColbert:
Dear Mister Greenback, Mister Fable and Mister Dub:
I am writing this letter to apolgize for my friends crude language and my part for showing him the site in the first place. (This guy bugs everybody on Runescape, so don’t waste breath on him. the saturnwill get his comeupance.) However, it does bring me back to the point of “I showed him the site and I’ll never forgive myself.” I feel that showing him the blog is…well, to makea 4 1/2 page story into 11 words…
I’m sorry for what I did and it wont happen again.
Sincerely,
Ian T.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Spiderbrick @ 194: I think I’m the one who’s going to need a “long-term committment” if I keep reading this drivel we call FOOB. Usually it takes someone like Rosie O’Donnel to maintain a relationship this dull yet so in-your-face!
August 20th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Thanks Ian! How is your wrist ?
August 20th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
True Fable: Sorry you had to put up with the teenage-trolls-gone-wild, but the photo of the goat biting itself (152) was pure gold. Thanks for the chuckle!
August 20th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Oops, sorry for the dupe. But thanks are always worth repeating, I guess!
August 20th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
#258 Huntingbyrd – Thank you, although I don’t understand the name in vain reference.
#270 & 271 emperial sam semiyuri – That’s it? That? Despite what you claim in #271, I don’t recall anyone saying squat to you for you to reply to in the first place, which was post # 151. You were and remain rude and out of line. Take a nap.
Josh – *sigh* I realize that will probably get me sent to the Cockpit. Sorry but…dammit, it needed to be said.
#247 Poteet, my queen! Do yourself a major favor and DON’T listen to Luann: the Musical. OMG, did Evans hire the same *ahem* musical talent (and I use the term loosely) as Lynn Johnston, to come up with that? It’s…it’s…bad. Horrid. Pasty treacle-on-bland-white-bread with goo and drizzled poo on top bad. Don’t go there, my liege. Save yourself!
#248 Inspector Dim – Now that might be a musical worth backing. >:-)
#304 Galactic Emperor Chennux – You are without peer, O Greatest One, and not just because you magmacannoned your peers into dust! My 55-gallon drum flamethrower is always ready to do your bidding.
#331 Ian T – Your post restored my faith in teenagers. Thank you very much, that was a gracious apology.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
NY’er contest: “Does this make me look fat?”
August 20th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
#329 Lame Name –
No offense taken. I was intentionally misinterpreting your comment because of what Josh and some of the other posters had said about the low quality of the previous caption contests’ finalists.
August 20th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
323. Tweek’s Coffee: No, Roswell can be used to describe anything dull. (Been there, left fast…)
324. Dicky: so how come someone who looks like the guy in the picture telecommutes is never the same guy with a cam in chatrooms? (”I’m not fat! I’m big-boned!”)
328. Major Hoople: Candace has a nose piercing, hence the nose stud. (And if cancer metasticizes (sic) to FOOB, there’ve got to be more worthy candidates there.
Lio: I think Lio’s got an eye on Dennis’ Menace title.
August 20th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
330 Artist formerly known as Ben: Thanks!
337 Groddeck: Bwa ha ha ha ha!
August 20th, 2007 at 9:45 pm
NYCC – I’m mulling some too.
1 “I’m back. I decided to lose the shoes.”
2 “What was in that pill? All day long, I’ve had to hold my briefcase up here!”
3 “Methought I was,—and methought I had,—but man is but a patched fool, if he will offer to say what methought I had.”
4 “Did I have a towel when I left?”
5 “Why’s all our stuff out in the hall?”
6 “I’m back. The ‘naval attache’ gag didn’t go over so well.”
7 “Mind if I hurry? I have a lot more telegrams to deliver.”
8 “Coo-coo! Coo-coo! Two o’clock!”
9 “Nothin’ up my sleeve!”
10 “Honey, I forgot to wear my clothes and I was all naked and stuff! Pretty wild, huh?”
11 “Whoa, deja vu!”
12 “S’alright? S’alright!”
13 “They pelted us with stones and garbage.”
14 “I want a bigger briefcase.”
Okay, I confess, the first one is the one I’ve thought of entering. #11 is also available in the form, “Christ, what a… whoa! Deja vu!” I’ve read so many captions today, I hope I haven’t put somebody else’s up there.
ps to Ian @331: Well said.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
# 331 — Ian, your apology wasn’t directed toward me, but as someone who enjoys this site, I appreciate it. Thank you. And if I may say so, your writing ability is very promising.
August 21st, 2007 at 3:03 am
Hooo to the COTWers! ‘Jaw insurance’ and Lumpy’s Lisa poem got a special chuckle from me.
August 25th, 2007 at 10:25 pm
Holy Shazam! I made RU? Well blow me down. Sorry I was on vacation and couldn’t accept in person.
Many congrats to Trilobite (a most worthy COTW) and all my fellow RUs. I have to say that in the short while that I’ve been reading this blog (and comments) I’ve had to learn new techniques for laughing out loud quietly.
Because, of course, I am supposed to be working at work. But this *saturn* comic crackhouse you have here just makes work seem so… pedestrian. Anyway, I usually try keeping my lips open and my jaws relaxed while reading so as to avoid spraying spit all over my screen every two minutes and attracting unwanted attention. And with that mental picture, I bid adieu for now.
October 29th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
So many up there this week are day in, day out my very favourites … Red and Trotz and Old Bean and Paperback and Unca Lumpy and A.K.A. Kip W and everyone … sohbet and of course, the unstoppably prolific and consistently hilarious Quip-o-matic that is Trilobite.
Woot! I say, woot! Good on y’all for brightening my week.
June 5th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
but if it’s dealing