The Comics Curmudgeon

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Shocking revelation!

Blondie, 8/29/07

Long-time Blondie readers have always marvelled at the uncanny resemblance between Dagwood’s neighbor/golf buddy/source of free tools Herb Woodley and mailman Mr. Beasley. The same face, the same bulging forehead, the same mustache. Could they be long-lost relatives? Was Herb actually the neighborhood mailman, assuming a new name and identity as he walked his route for inscrutable reasons of his own? Today, though, as his long-firmly-attached hat goes flying, we learn that, unlike Herb, Mr. Beasley in fact completely bald. It is a testament to the power of the comics and the long-running features within that this has completely blown my fucking mind. Cynic that I am, I can’t stop looking at his bare head.

For Better Or For Worse, 8/29/07

ha ha ha foolish girl no patterson is ever free

Mark Trail, 8/29/07

I’m beginning to suspect that Shirley the Duck has special powers, and I don’t just mean her stunning plumage, which has won her drag king competitions all over Lost Forest. No, first she somehow convinced the construction foreman to halt work on this extremely important mall, and now she’s working her sinister magic on the son of the big boss himself! As more and more people come within range of her mind-control rays, her army will grow larger and larger, until that mall finds itself transformed into a Shirleytarium, dedicated to her care, feeding, and worship. There will be bread crumbs. Many, many bread crumbs.

Slylock Fox, 8/29/07

Wow, that lion is pissed — and, really, can you blame him? Most doctors don’t even take their patients’ pulse themselves, and here some nosey freelance detective is getting Panthera Leo, M.D., to put his hard-earned medical skills to use to bust someone for stealing magazines from the waiting room. I think someone’s going to have some angry words with the managers of Medical Plaza. Presumably the only way to calm him down will be to allow him to eat Slick Smitty, whether he’s guilty or not.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 29, 2007 at 12:57 am and is filed under Blondie, For Better or for Worse, Mark Trail, Slylock Fox.

444 responses to “Shocking revelation!”

bats :[
August 29th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

MW: I. cannot. tear. myself. away. from. her. judgmental. stare. and. meddling. concern.!.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1264493426/
Frank Parsnip
August 29th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

Smitty can take Slylock in any fight because, man, look at his reach! He can scratch his ankles with those arms without bending.
bats :[
August 29th, 2007 at 1:06 am [Reply]

FOOB: Spot on to what Mr. bats and I were thinking…well, not that that’s a newsflash or anything.

“Daddy!”
“Baby!”
“I’m so excited — I got to do a whole lot of vet work!”
“I played with trains! Lots and lots and LOTS of trains!”
“Oh. Um. That’s nice.”
“Yes! They were NICE trains!”
Ron Hogan
August 29th, 2007 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Those three-year-old issues of Reader’s Digest were quite valuable to the doctor, though: After all, Laughter IS the Best Medicine.
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

Is Shirley the Duck for hire? Does she do consulting work? There are a couple of really ill-conceived large construction proposals in my area involving many bulldozers, and seeing the proponents thereof mesmerized by the powers of a small female duck in drag would be so, so excellent.
c12h22o11
August 29th, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

What about the fact that Slick Smitty wears a shirt, tie and shoes to bed?
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 1:22 am [Reply]

PBS, I worship you. I bow down before you. I dance before you, scattering flowers. I bless the Mudges who first led me to you. Hosanna, hosanna, hosanna.
Trilobite
August 29th, 2007 at 1:22 am [Reply]

“John Thomas,” the owner’s son (and I still can’t believe that guy named his kid after his penis), seems to be emulating Michael Landon’s warm heart as well as his shaggy 1970s disco hair. What is it about a duck in drag that makes some men go all melty inside?

But of course it’s no surprise that Shirley’s a little nervous — dressing up like a male duck in public is already nerve-wracking, but doing it at a construction site full of workers teleported from the 1950s is just asking for trouble. Hell, they don’t even accept any minorities on their crew: what chance does a transgendered duck have with them?
RyanE
August 29th, 2007 at 1:27 am [Reply]

I kind of think that having an angry Lion taking my pulse *might* just cause my pulse to race… a bit…
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
August 29th, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

How come the duck’s name isn’t “Lucky”?

What’s with the big “!” at the end of Fooberville? This is a punch line? What?
Andrea D & The Grandstanding Oddballs
August 29th, 2007 at 1:37 am [Reply]

Is “slick” slang for “retarded” now? Kids today!
Razmytaz
August 29th, 2007 at 1:39 am [Reply]

Shoot. Here I thought I had some amusing commentary on Shirley the Duck at the very end of yesterthread, and Pope Josh shows me how its really done.

I mean, “drag king”??!

I guess I’ll leave the humor to the pros.
Sophist, FCD
August 29th, 2007 at 1:42 am [Reply]

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNODUCK!
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 1:55 am [Reply]

…And stop calling me Shirley!
Frank Parsnip
August 29th, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

S-M: The Shocker has finally taken delivery of his rental car and is loading it up with his ill-gotten loot. Apparently uniformed city cops in California approach suspects having learned to maintain their street cred by talking like Tommy Chong: “You’re finished, man!” (”Yeah, dude, like you are totally going to have your ass kicked!”)
Mibbitmaker
August 29th, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

The new day’s FW & FOOB in yesterthread’s #436!!

MT: I’ll be the first to say it (maybe): Shirley doesn’t understand the bulldozer men’s hostility. Surely, there’s no problem with our clean-shaven duo, though ( “…and don’t call me Shirley!” ).

I’ve heard of Shirley Partridge, but Shirley Duck?

They’ll make a tiny little bus for Shirley Duck to hatch her kids in. The back of the bus will have this painted on it: “CAUTION: NERVOUS MOTHER DUCK ON BOARD”.

Why not reference a 1970s show/group? John Thomas certainly has the hair for it! [rimshot, vealtress, wait, etc.]
Lydia
August 29th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

Oh my god. Herb and Mr. Beasley are two different people. This casts a whole new light on everything in my life.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

Herb Beasley is legal in the state of Oregon!…I daresay!
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 2:12 am [Reply]

Kill me…kill me NOW!
Dub Not Dubya
August 29th, 2007 at 2:12 am [Reply]

See, what Slick Smitty really stole were magazines of ammunition for the doctor’s gun cache. Really, that puts things in a whole different perspective, doesn’t it?
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 2:19 am [Reply]

Fudruckers!!! I’m effin’ serious, serious lke a Wednesday Mornimg! Kill me please!!!
Charlton Heston
August 29th, 2007 at 2:24 am [Reply]

Kill Red. RedRUM!! RedRUM!! RedRUM!!!!
Charlton Heston
August 29th, 2007 at 2:31 am [Reply]

Thnanks Charlton, I feel like a toddler pointing up to his high chair saying “I’m fed up that thing”
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 2:32 am [Reply]

MT As a major Mark Trail fan, I am delighted at the arrival of the latest Adorable Critter, Shirley Duck! I wonder if Elrod will ever get around to admitting the name is really Steven Duck, and he’s just nest-sitting until his woman gets back.
9CL Francis, quit farting around and go back and do Sister Waitinforya.
A3G Nora, I did not think it possible, but you really are more boring than Tommie Thompson. Gah.
B.C. Please… put this comic down right now, put it down and out of its misery. This is awful.
Baldo – GEEZUS!! Is this a competition to see who can be more boring than A3G’s Tommie?
Blondie – This idiot has been delivering mail to the Bumstead’s house for HOW MANY years and he STILL doesn’t get out of the way? I say, run over his ass, he deserves it.
DtM – Dennis visits Bitch Central.
(WT)DT – I really don’t see how anyone that stiff can swim.
FC How does this kid know this song? Is he force fed old songs?
FBoFW – This is it, then: she is happy to return home to the safe confines of Daddy, and now she will have her heart set on marrying a boy just like John. This will turn out to be Gerald, who is a junior league Anthony. April is lost to us, folks. sic gloria flattulance, or something like that.
FW – This ominous warning is brought to you by the twisted, black-shrouded mind of Tom Batiuk, resident asshole.
GA I used to like Skeezix when I was a kid, but then I used to like to hang upside down from the monkey bars too.
(DT)GT – So, Bill Ritter can box. Now he will go on to a short but brilliant career as a punching bag.
H&L Damn, that is one ugly baby.
JP WTF, is Trudi casting a spell on Keith or something? Let’s hope it’s a spell to go to a hair stylist and get rid of the fucking mullet once and for all.
Luann Luann is officially the worst student ever. And this is a role model, I understand. dear lord.
MF Oh, shut up, Bruce, you fucking butthead.
MW Well, of COURSE Mary knows about Dawn! The Time Lord knows ALL!
Pluggers – Pluggers discovered penicillin?
RMMD Rex is driving somewhere? Am I right, are they going to the infamous stadium? Oh boy! Thrills! Excitement! Gun Battles! Ice Cream!!
S-M JJJ is Keith after that haircut, I’m afraid.
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 2:34 am [Reply]

Red, my brother! You’re up and at ‘em this morning! Cool!

I wonder how Dingo did last night in the contest. What I’d give for a YouTube of his performance.

I didn’t win the lottery, so I’m hoping someone won something neat.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 2:39 am [Reply]

Oh meomyo, Son of a gun, we gonna have some fun on the Bayou!!! Thanks Charlton, I feel like a toddler pointing up to his high chair saying “I’m fed up that thing”
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 2:44 am [Reply]

I’m Charlton Heston!
Apartmento
August 29th, 2007 at 2:48 am [Reply]

LUANN Suddenly I don’t feel so bad for myself. When I have no ideas, I too write the beginning of a sentence hoping an idea will come to me. I rarely does.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 2:50 am [Reply]

Hang on Sloopie, Sloopie hang on!
Dingo
August 29th, 2007 at 2:51 am [Reply]

Hey, folks. Thanks for all of the encouragement in the last thread. In some ways, the less I say about last night the better as I don’t want to appear ungrateful for the opportunity I had nor soured on the experience.

The evening began oddly. When I went to meet with the people from WLIT, the woman who took me to her car to listen to the music stated that she was not part of the judging. On our way back to the stage, she casually asked me who I would be taking if I won. I said that I’d be taking my boyfriend and that we were celebrating nine months together that night (August 28). I met the other two contestants and the male asked if I went by the name of Dingo. I said that I did and he mentioned that one of his clients reads this website and thought he must write under that name. Well… he has a full beard, is about 100 to 150 pounds heavier than me and taller. Based on the ‘mudgeon site, he had seen my lyrics before the contest.

The woman performed first. She made a backdrop, had a guitar and bag, and dressed as Maria in the film. Very clever. She was with another woman and I don’t know if they were friends or… more. I performed second. I didn’t flub my words, sang on key and in time, and got a good round of applause. As I left the stage, the announcer referred to me by the other male’s name. When he performed, he was off the music by four bars, did not sing in key, had words that didn’t match the music, and was… I hate to admit… just awful. We were all called back onstage for audience applause. I have a background in media production and knew that I had gotten the most applause and thought that I was going to Austria (with John). Instead, I looked over at the judges — including the woman who said she wasn’t a judge — talking to each other. They announced that it was too close to call and at that moment I realized for some reason I was not supposed to win. They did a second round of audience applause and called the name of the other male as the winner. As I walked off the stage, he turned to me and said, “I thought you won and I’d have given it to you.” Well, thanks. Thanks a lot. Oh, and they asked him who he was going to take and he answered, “My wife.” Hmm… did WLIT not want a photo of my cute Mexican boyfriend and me enjoying Salzburg? I’ll never know. Since they referred to me by his name as I left the stage originally, could they have meant for me to get the prize but pulled a (yeah, Academy Award chestnut here) Marisa Tomei? I won’t know.

All I know is that John met me at the bottom of the stage, gave me a big hug, told me he loved me, and that I was the actual winner. Then, as he and I made our way through the crowd to our chairs, we lost track after about the twentieth person who walked up to us and said that the contest was rigged. Even three hours later, when we walked my parents to the Grant Park parking garage, people kept walking up to me to congratulate me on my win and were shocked when I said that I hadn’t – that it was the other guy who got the prize. The solace is that a few people actually said they planned to call the station to complain about the results. It won’t change anything but it was a nice thought. We’re not talking Ving Rhames handing Jack Lemmon his Golden Globe here.

A camera crew from Chicago’s NBC station shot footage of the contest. So did the mayor’s office of special events. I’m going to see if I can get a copy and, if I do, post a link here.

I get to fall asleep tonight with the satisfaction that I felt I won, the crowd felt I won, and the man named the winner felt I won. So Al Gore. But after eight months of continually losing out on full-time employment, and having recently gotten a job for just three hours a week but that I can put on my resume with the hope of securing full-time somewhere next year, it would have been nice to actually have been awarded what I earned.

Thanks again for all of the support on this site and thank you to the ‘mudgeons who met me at Grant Park Tuesday evening.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 2:52 am [Reply]

Dingo!!!!
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 3:00 am [Reply]

Dingo!!!! Always a winner in the Redbook!
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 3:11 am [Reply]

#30 Dingo – I know when my sister is going to call me from Michigan; i just get this odd feeling and sure enough, the phone rings. It can be months between chats, but I know the very day, the very hour that she is going to call. I just feel it, and so does she. It’s this thing that runs in our family. We Fables are a spooky bunch, but that’s the truth, we sense things.

And that is how I felt last night; I knew you were going to go out and get the most favorable response, I could feel the tension, the elation, the power. I knew you were going to win.

AND YOU DID, Dingo my friend. I know it doesn’t send you to Austria as we wanted for you, but you are a winner and no one, especially not some rigged contest, can take that away from you. You have talent and you have personality, you have John and you have ‘Mudgeon friends who cheer you on in whatever you do.

Head up, brother; you did us proud. :-)
Ramian
August 29th, 2007 at 3:13 am [Reply]

SF- I thought for sure the solution was going to be something about Smitty leaving his dentures in the office near where the magazines were kept. Just look at that gaping void of a mouth.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 3:26 am [Reply]

I gotta ditto Mi BuenHermano Truman…Dingo, you won big time and was cheated by KLIT or whatevs- If I were a rich man , lulalalula etcetera, I’d bestow the fundage to send you and John anywhere on the globe
Slither
August 29th, 2007 at 4:46 am [Reply]

FOOB: WTF…”I am woman – hear me ROAR!” Did Lynn Johnston actually GO there? She didn’t actually make April THINK that did she? I wonder if any girl April’s age has ever even heard that Helen Reddy song? Well, April — start roaring! Let’s see what you can do in the next few weeks — because soon, you’ll be stuck at age 16 forever!
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 5:03 am [Reply]

#36 Slither – I laughed when I read that, because i could just see Elly in April’s nursery, playing songs until each one is imprinted on the baby’s brain. “I Am Woman”, huh? Maybe “Where You Lead, I Will Follow” and some ZZTop “Tush”, too.

I suppose Elly played “I Am Woman” for Michael as well, with maybe a little “Baby Don’t Get Hooked On Me” by Mac Davis, arguably the most egotistical song on earth. And the Kinks’ “Lola” just for good measure, heh.

For Elizabeth, I guess “Havin’ My Baby” by Paul Anka, “Baby Got Back”, and “Detroit City (I Wanna Go Home)”? and probably Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” only it skipped and just kept playing, “like a virgin/like a virgin/like a virgin…” XD
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 5:09 am [Reply]

April’s next big hit

I been up, i been down
my Foob world’s spinnin’ round
I ain’t askin’ for much
I told Gerald, take me roadside
I’m just lookin for some tush

I been bad, I been good
Mgtiwaki, Farleywood
I aint askin for much
I said, Gerald took me roadside
I’m just lookin’ for some tush
Lynngineering
August 29th, 2007 at 5:16 am [Reply]

#37 True Fable: I agree with the song list, but Tush? My highschool car journeys to nowhere special still recall I’ve been bad/I’ve been good/ Dallas, Texas/ Hollywood. Beat that Helen Reddy.

As for April: yes, Michael, we know you are a misogynist fool, and in your coma, you fantasize April would actually sing such an uncool, late signifier of 2nd wave feminists, 70s pop, rather than at least any riotgirlzzz which her age would be just discovering in the record album collection of their older sister (or their older brother) if they were COOL. 4evah scares you. Just keep trying to convince yourself, April, the hormonal shape-shifter, is just a girl, singing — here it comes — MOMS SONGS.
You know she’s coming for you…
AppleGirl
August 29th, 2007 at 5:18 am [Reply]

Oh Dingo. You were robbed. I HATE that this happened. You were the best. WLIT SUCKS.

You are right about this: It is SO Al Gore.

IMHO: After 9/11, I was thinking how glad Al must’ve felt that he wasn’t president at that very miserable point in time. And now look at Al: he’s made an important film, and now is a board member at Apple. Al is respected worldwide for his message of global warming. I’d say Al Gore won in the end. And so will you, dear Dingo.
Lynngineering
August 29th, 2007 at 5:19 am [Reply]

FBOFW: Now, mash up “I am woman” with “Tush”, and maybe we have April’s possible first self-awareness song and subsequent number 1 hit.
yusifu
August 29th, 2007 at 5:20 am [Reply]

Slylock Fox is a terrible detective–he’s missing all the important clues. Someone smart enough to be called “Slick” would obviously be able to act. He’d appear grumpy at being “awoken” from his nap, not look happy. He’s obviously drugged. Since he only had two minutes, there wasn’t time to pawn the magazines and score some E, so he obviously got it from the doctor’s office. *Now* the lion’s anger makes sense. Smitty took Dr. Lion’s drugs, dashed out without paying, and grabbed the magazines to cover up the real theft. Sure, Slylock’s going to get Smitty, but he’s missing a big drug dealer. Stupid fox.
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

#39 Lynnginneering – I was thinking more of her going roadside, but yeah, Elly wouldn’t have played that for her. Maybe Uncle Phil sneaked into the nursery and played it in an attempt to help his unplanned niece escape the hell he knows will be her fate otherwise.

Heh, or maybe it was just a bad choice in songs. Yeah, I think that’s the case! :-)
Squid Countess
August 29th, 2007 at 5:25 am [Reply]

MT – I think the duck yearns to be called Glenorglenda. (Ed Wooduck? )

Dingo – That is so ‘effed up! I’m sorry.
RAHK
August 29th, 2007 at 5:25 am [Reply]

#7 Poteet, agreed. Absolutely love today’s Pearls Before Swine and the reference to FOOB.
monsieurjohn
August 29th, 2007 at 5:27 am [Reply]

The boss’s son in MT looks an awful lot like Mark Trail. I bet it’s him in disguise.
AppleGirl
August 29th, 2007 at 5:31 am [Reply]

FBOFW – Seeing a 16-year-old girl say “I am woman, hear me roar” in 2007 is somehow… I don’t know, dark and creepy? Or maybe just awful and fake?
AppleGirl
August 29th, 2007 at 5:35 am [Reply]

Today’s Pluggers: Ew.
AppleGirl
August 29th, 2007 at 5:44 am [Reply]

Family Circus finally got the memo about iPhone Day in the Comics… a week later than even Cathy.
teenchy
August 29th, 2007 at 5:47 am [Reply]

The final panel of today’s FOOB – with April and John looming large over several smaller shadow figures, apprently in the foreground – reminds me a hell of a lot of MST3K….

…which, when you think about it, is not inappropriate.
NightRaven
August 29th, 2007 at 6:01 am [Reply]

Hmm… I’ve NEVER heard about the song “I am woman, hear me roar”, but I’m quite familiar with the expression itself. It seemed to be popular as a “girlpower” catchphrase during the eighties, and popped up often in popular media,(I remember hearing it on Bundy a lot) presumably also where April heard it.
It’s still a very weird thing for Anyone to say or think today though.
JNoble
August 29th, 2007 at 6:02 am [Reply]

I do believe that, in the real world with real burly men who are in the real construction business, if one of them halted progress for a duck that they even went to the trouble of naming….that man would get his ass kicked by the others. And then fired. And then ass-kicked again. And then made to watch in horror as “Shirley” and her eggs were introduced to the power of the D-9 Caterpillar bulldozer.
John C Fremont
August 29th, 2007 at 6:06 am [Reply]

Yay, Dingo! Wish I could have been there to protest the decision. I’d like to think that I could successfully lead an unruly mob. Is there a store nearby that sells torches?

RMMD – I can deal with the fact that June Morgan has shrunk herself in the first panel, but – is she wearing any pants? Dear Lord, I hope not!
Dub Not Dubya
August 29th, 2007 at 6:12 am [Reply]

Dingo, I am so sorry. It definitely does sound like it was rigged, and as a fellow gay person, I’m sadly familiar with the kind of discrimination that happens and is not really possible to prove. I hope the people who said they would call the station and complain will follow through. Even if it won’t make things right, it will put them on notice. Personally, I would like to send Mark Trail to the station to have his fists of justice do their thing. Hey, maybe one of our resident Photoshoppers can put together something along those lines. All silliness aside, wish I could say something to make things better. You’re always a winner in my book.
Lettuce
August 29th, 2007 at 6:12 am [Reply]

I’m assuming this has been long discussed (and thus the drag king comment in the post) but isn’t Shirley’s green head a guy duck thing? Isn’t Mark Trail supposed to be all kinds of *smart* regarding nature and the like?

Even Shylock Fox could figure out the gender of our mall-stopping-Mallard, whereas Mark Trail, busily icing his punching hand to prime it for future use, has totally forgotten the basics of duck biology as could be told to you by any 4-year-old who lives near a pond.
smacky
August 29th, 2007 at 6:30 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: I have to point out that Bill Ritter’s leg is now lopped off just below the knee. Do you understand what this means? The power of boxing is helping Bill Ritter grow a new leg. Soon he’ll be completely healed, then get drunk with power and become the school bully. Then Coach Thorp will have to lop off his new leg to teach him a lesson about humility.
goaty
August 29th, 2007 at 6:40 am [Reply]

#50 The different is that MST3K was funny and relevant while FOOB is not.

MW– Has anyone placed bets yet on what form Mary’s meddlng will take on Dr. Drew’s dilemma? Options I have considered.
a) Betray Dawn’s trust and tell her daddy so he can knock the green off of Drew’s suit?
b) Go tell Jeff that his son’s a slut… and hope that it gives Jeff some ideas of his own.
c) Go tell Dawn so that she can pull Vera’s ugly pony tail right out of her head?
d) Call a “pool party” so she can out Drew and stage a full Charterstone-style intervention.
or
e) Force Drew’s car off a cliff while tossing a bottle of vodka in the window…
Personally, I am hoping for e.
TurtleBoy
August 29th, 2007 at 6:40 am [Reply]

#24 True Fable, re FC: Tomorrow it’s “Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree.” After that, Dolly and Jeffy star in the Keane family revival of Al Jolson’s The Jazz Singer. Sadly, the image of Jeffy in blackface will now haunt me for the rest of the day.

MW: Ahahahahaha! BUSTED! Don’t you even try to pull one over on the Mary Worth, the Baroness of Buttinskis, the Marchioness of Meddle! Smackdown!

Pluggers: actually, I think a more Pluggerly response would be something like, “you clean out the fridge, woman! That ain’t a man’s job!”
Lynngineering
August 29th, 2007 at 6:48 am [Reply]

Today the Curmudgeon site inclination towards breasts is supplementing the usual stuffed T-Shirt ads with a whole new angle:
Nursing clothes
Clothes to nurse in style. Because stylish women breastfeed!

wow….
Dub Not Dubya
August 29th, 2007 at 6:48 am [Reply]

Also, re Yesterpost: pretty much everyone in Rhode Island gives directions marked by where things used to be. I am horrified that my state is full of Pluggers.
Pozzo
August 29th, 2007 at 6:52 am [Reply]

Maybe Smitty’s pulse is elevated because “napping” is just a euphemism for “masturbating.” Although with those arms, he could have been groping the duck outside his window, which may be why she’s pointing into the window with such alarm.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2007 at 6:56 am [Reply]

Smitty looks like a stoned, pompadoured Stretch Armstrong doll.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 29th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

Dingo, you was ROBBED. That sucks. I don’t think we could raise enough money to buy you tickets to Austria, but maybe by selling “Hot Bowl of DINGO!” T-shirts, we could send you to Strasburg, Pennsylvania. Very nice train museums there. You could feel just like John Patterson!
Blake
August 29th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

Pearls Before Swine: Today’s comic rocks hard. If you have been following the storylines, you know that this scene isn’t contrived at all, and it isn’t even out of character to break the fourth wall. It is just a funny observation along the way as these two subplots progress. Lynn could never pull off something this funny. At least not in the last decade.

Hey Lynn, Pastis just called you out, you hack. Slink away and retire; stop embarrassing yourself.
Evan
August 29th, 2007 at 7:06 am [Reply]

April is obviously on a fantasy airplane. Look at the leg room! (I doubt the Pattersons would ever fly first class.) Look at the huge, square window! Look at the aisle in panel 3–it’s about four feet wide!
Tweeks_Coffee
August 29th, 2007 at 7:13 am [Reply]

Archie: That’s a pretty thin disguise that Mr. Lodge put on just to give Jughead a mohawk. Of course nobody notices, I suppose it’s the same idea as Superman and his glasses.
DT: I’ll take this one on a panel by panel basis…
1) “Grab my hand!” “I can’t! My fingers are just too damned stubby!”
2) Dick apparently thinks it’s a legitimate swimming style to judo-chop the water. Of course he does this while twisting that guy’s head and breaking his neck.
3) I’m not entirely sure how he made it up that slope, or how he’s generally staying on it. Can Tracy defy gravity?
FC: I… what? Text yourself a letter? Why is there music playing? I don’t understand what’s going on at all.
Garfield: Is it odd that the first thing that popped into my head was “I wonder how you’d get that shirt to work”? I then spent a few minutes thinking about it and decided that you’d have to get ice cubes with holes in them and run string through them to form the shirt. I then cried.
GF: I really want Bucky’s shirts.
Hateeachothers: Is Loretta actually leaving him? It sure looks that way. Of course all Leroy does is continue to mock her on her way out.
Luann: Oh Christ, if she doesn’t know that than she’s a completely lost cause. What grade is she supposed to be in anyway?
MW: I’m pretty sure the artist had to delete the cigarette Mary was smoking in the second panel. I like to imagine it was one of those ones on the really long stick too. You know, the kind that Cruella Deville smoked.
OBH: I had to read this more times than I’d like to admit to understand it.
Phantom: Friends since childhood? So they aren’t children anymore?
SF: Well, that and your 1/3 sleeve black shirt with an orange vest and blue pants getup.
SFx: Yeah, it’s been said before, but I just have to reiterate: Stealing magazines!? Slylock must be really bored if this is the kind of thing he’s dealing with. Maybe his pulse is up because he’s on the verge of being eaten by a lion. You ever think of that Slylock? 2 things to love about today’s strip (besides the ridiculous setup, anyway): The completely dopey look on Smitty’s face and the phrase “pilfered periodicals”.

And yeah, I also loved today’s PBS.
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

I found their website, went to the “contact us” place, and wrote the following:

Attention WLIT Management:

I heard through friends that your contest at Grant Park August 28 was unfair, and I want to bring it to your attention.

The man who got the best reaction and the most applause, Jeff Gillette aka “Dingo”, was not awarded the win which surprised everyone in the crowd including the one who actually “won”.

What makes this especially irritating is the fact that just before the contest, a woman from the station who said she was not a judge, casually asked Dingo who he would take to Austria if he won. Dingo replied he would take his boyfriend.

Despite the obvious favor of the crowd, the judges claimed some dispute, and huddled to talk. After a second and from what I hear, unnecessary round, Dingo was not awarded the win. A straight married man won. Why? Because he is gay? Are we discriminating at WLIT now? You only want straight listeners to represent your contest winners now?

You disappoint me.

And then I signed it and submitted it. I didn’t go for the jugular in case enough people protest, and they decide to give it to him after all. But it pissed me off the more I thought about it, and when something bothers me I do something about it.

True Fable
dbp
August 29th, 2007 at 7:16 am [Reply]

Maybe it’s just me, but I think my pulse would be racing if I was awoken by any knock at the door. This slack-jawed yokel has been framed
tekende
August 29th, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

I love this Mark Trail strip! It’s like watching two little kids on summer break.

“Johnny! Johnny, I found a duck out by the crick!”

“Oh boy! A duck!”

“Wow!”
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 7:18 am [Reply]

oh goddamn it, I just realized I did not point out that the woman actually WAS one of the judges! I fucking fail at life.

dammit.
Whippersnapper
August 29th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

I have to say, I’m really liking Funky HallucinationBean. I’m hoping that tomorrow’s strip features the kitchen table and chairs performing Swan Lake, while Les stands on the ceiling, eyeing a pygmy goat that’s sitting in the sink quoting Sartre.
Dik-Dik Vendetta
August 29th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

DT: Why is DT trying to hail a cab while swimming with Nick Nolte?
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 7:27 am [Reply]

…and I noticed another mistake I made, but I can’t send a correction because corrections decrease the blast radius by a good 50%. Well, I tried, Dingo.

I’m going to bed now. The day I cannot write a vengeful, searing yet balanced and most importantly, CORRECT letter is the day I need to get more sleep than what I’ve been running on.

TF
Trilobite
August 29th, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

I’m not entirely convinced that Mr. Beasley and Herb Woodley aren’t the same man — I mean, for all I know, he just wears a toupee when he’s in “Woodley” mode, the same way he wears the hat when he’s acting as “Beasley.”

I commend Dagwood for a good first experiment, but further testing is required if we are to decisively prove the Separate Postman Theory. I propose giving Mr. Beasley some kind of identifying mark (dye his skin blue, give him an offensive tattoo, amputate something) and then seeing whether “Herb Woodley” has the same marking. If he does not, then we can truly be assured that he’s not a secret postman.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 29th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

Quickie snark…

9CL: This one’s gone quite off the rails now.

A3G: Tim Mills must have awful handwriting.

A.D.: <voice="Morbo">CELLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!</voice>

BB: I changed my signature when I was 15 and entered a new high school. I wanted something that looked less like simply writing my name in cursive and more like an adult signature. What’s Halftrack’s reason? I think what’s really happening is the girls caught him writing “Gen. Amos Rumsfeld… Gen. Amos Halftrack-Rumsfeld… Mrs. Amos H. Rumsfeld” over and over.

BH: I’m disappointed that this strip has taken a turn for the Lockhorns lately. We already have one of those, and I already hate it. This strip used to be about the regular troubles and foibles of married life. Not very funny, but at least not hateful.

Crock: They’ll hang him by his toes from… what? They’re lost in a featureless desert!

PBS: is teh AWESUM.

Phantom: Haven’t you learned anything from watching The Phantom, blond kid? Whites are supposed to protect, guide and patronize black Africans, not be friends with them!

RMMD: Milton’s alive, rendering all the corporate shenanigans of the past four months moot. Yippee. And we never even got to see June and Heather make out. Our time here has been totally wasted. Next: Rex asks Nicki to return his overdue library books!

SF: Are Marciuliano’s musical references hopelessly out of date? Hey, ya!

SFx: Wow, Slick Smitty lives in the tiniest house ever. Forget about Hurricane Katrina, all of Fox City could be wiped out by Katarina Witt on a bender.

S-M: When robbing a bank in an unfamiliar city, rent a getaway car from Enterprise. We’ll pick you up!
Krazy Kat
August 29th, 2007 at 7:33 am [Reply]

Forget Liz pulling the words to Helen Reddy’s “I am Woman”–how the hell does Jeffy know the tune of “I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a Letter?”
jmarkow
August 29th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

What I want to know is how John got to go to the arrival gate to pick up April. Since 9/11 it’s been, go to the baggage claim. No one gets that close anymore. Just goes to show what you can do if you are Foob.
Krazy Kat
August 29th, 2007 at 7:36 am [Reply]

FC-I mean, fer chissake, doe that kid have a collection of Nat King Cole 1935-1950 era records or something
benro
August 29th, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

RMMD – After seeing a link yesterday to a biography of Oki Merlot from May 9th, I started to wonder just how long this crappy story line has been going on. It looks like the plane was reported missing on March 17, which means 6 months (by the time it’s over) to cover real time events that have spanned maybe a week. What’s next? Rex and June to go Alaska on vacation and are chased by a glacier?
Dik-Dik Vendetta
August 29th, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

FOOB question: I keep seeing references to Michael’s coma. And though FOOB annoys me pretty much more than any other comic in the WaPo, I still have to wonder. What coma? Is he still in it? Does it have some role in the day-to-day goings on in Foobland?
Dik-Dik Vendetta
August 29th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

Benro #79: Does anyone else find the sheer volume of water in Heather’s eyes in panel 2 really, really disturbing? It’s as if there’s a substantial wormhole connecting her tear ducts to that portion of the North Atlantic in which Milton’s plane foundered…
Anonymous
August 29th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

#77- He isn’t at the arrival gate, she’s dragging her luggage with her.
Gagott68
August 29th, 2007 at 7:57 am [Reply]

I am woman, hear me roar
See me shopping in the store
And I know that my life’s just now at an end
I know you’ve heard it all before
Assthony is a big bore
Time to lock Liz in the basement again

Oh yes, I can’t lie
No doubt my family is a pain
It makes my want to cry
But at least I’m not insane
If my mom says
I can’t do anything
I am dull (dull)
I am invisible (invisible)
I am woman

Mom will bend and she’ll break me
If Gerald wants me he can take me
My father’s train set seems to be his only goal
The pain just keeps getting stronger
This just could not be any wronger
‘Cause Lynn’s sucked this family of all its soul

After this fall, I won’t grow
Cuz this story arc just blows
But I’ll spread my lovin’ legs across the land
But I’m still an embryo
With a long, long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

I am dull (dull)
I am invisible (invisible)
I am woman
Les
August 29th, 2007 at 8:00 am [Reply]

Oh Patterson, how cleverly anti-feminist you’re FOOB is! It’s well known that real women-who-roar (or run with the wolves, or whatever cliche they do today) hate ALL men and would not run up to “daddy” unless it was to castrate him.
Calico
August 29th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

Just wanted to say I read Pulp Blondie and Drew’s pot ‘o gold from the last thread and am still wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. Jesus.

Le chat bleu hurling is great too. Anyone who has ever owned a cat knows that horrible, gut-churning, seismic windup before the donation of fur and food finally appears.

So-the cult of Shirley, eh? I will be bringing incense and cracked corn to the duck-church shortly, and am prepared to tithe 10% of whatever I earn.
Rowdy Ronald
August 29th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

I am beginning to suspect that the duck in drag is actually Mark in disguise. Don’t want to call off the ‘dozers? **BLAMMO**!!!! Fist soup!
Gagott68
August 29th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

# 7 & # 45: While you may not see that scene in FOOB, it does make more sense than anything we’ve seen from Johnston in a long while.
Dean Booth
August 29th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

Geez, Dingo, I’m so sorry about last night. From your description, it seems clear that prejudice trumped talent. Sad. I’m looking forward to seeing the video.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

FBoFW – She’s Lynn Johnston – hear me snore….

MW – Whatever she said amout my having a little pony, is totally false. I’m a big stud, guy.

JP – “If Red is rusty at tea bag dunkin’, I’ll smoke Sam’s pole,” said Keith.

FC – WTF
Devlesa
August 29th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

I came in here to share the joy that is today’s Pearls Before Swine. I should have known you’d all have beat me to it, hehe!

I think PBS has now risen to one of my favorites after today.

GF is my favorite, simply for the whole Pittsburg strips!
Lathem
August 29th, 2007 at 8:17 am [Reply]

What kind of acid trip did Smitty stumble in to where he’d go to the hospital to –under the pretense of an appointment– steal the loathsome four year old issues of Golf Digest that always seem to be the only magazines in the waiting room?

(And, for that matter, where ducks named Shirley have male plumage patterns.)
Hal Jordan
August 29th, 2007 at 8:17 am [Reply]

Dingo – One word my friend: “Lawsuit“! We’ll get Sam Driver to take the case and by tomorrow, er next week, ummmm May 2008… oh forget it. I’m sorry…

SFx: Quentin Tarantino guest stars as Slick Smitty!
Calico
August 29th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

Yo Dingo – I am sorry you did not receive the trip to Austria.
I say “receive” as you obviously were the winner.

Sounds like a data dungeon I worked in during 1993-94 – everything (and everyone) was rigged, right down to the ass-kiss “newsletter” that was typed up weekly by the favoritist spychick that doubled as “executive secretary”. Such fun.

You will win that trip one day, sooner than later, in an honest, fair contest.
SecretMargo
August 29th, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

You’ll always be the best HOOO-bear in our eyes, Dingo. I’ll pour one out for ya.
Our Boarding House with Major Hoople
August 29th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

Alas, poor Dingo – he sings so well
a fellow of infinite jest,
of most excellent fancy:
he hath made me heartly laugh a thousand times.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 29th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

SFx: Slick Smitty is willing to risk death, dismemberment, and digestion at the hands of a lion. For what, you ask? Some coffee-stained copies of Field and Stream from 1996. I think we can chalk this one up to suicidal impulses.

Blondie: What do summer heat and winter cold have to do with Dagwood’s oafishness. Mr Beasly seems unclear on the concept of “perfect storm.” But of course he hasn’t realized he should put off the Bumstead house until 11, either.

A3G: Ouch. Want agony? Try my handwriting.

9CL: Still making no sense, but McEldowney did get the phrase “deep orifice” into the newspaper funnies.

Phantom: Ever suspect that much of the school year at Hogwarts Academy is too boring to read about? Well, JK Rowling may skip those parts, but “The Phantom” won’t.

PBS: Tomorrow, Rat and the fraternity Crocodile join for a duet of “We’re All the Same.” Who will survive?

MW: Dr Drew didn’t know his dad was kinda sorta dating the West Coast Champion Meddler? Poor fool never had a chance.

FC: A truly surreal mixture of 21st century communications tech, Depression-era songwriting, and a really stupid kid.

DtM: Dennis can’t answer you now, Margaret. His severed tongue fell to the ground in panel 1.

TDIET: Hey, the prime question is whether these whiners are tipping or not.

Big Dog: “Because I’m a dick. Don’t you read this mess?”

H&L: Chip lies! He shall soon face the Wrath of Trixie!
Jamus The Bartender
August 29th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

Re:Dingo’s Contest. I’m sorry you got gypped, Dingo. Not suprised, as it was a Chicago contest after all….but simply put, as you found out, The Man ™ does not want to have Chicagoland see it’s contest winner going off to Vienna with another man and Chicagoland is all the sadder for it. Crafty and clever and sneaky are the ways of The Man ™, never forget that.
Still, it sounds like you kicked ass on stage. I should have hitchiked down there.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 29th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

Sorry Dingo. It’s nice to know that the titular winner wasn’t a jerk afterwards. Please don’t be too discouraged.
teenchy
August 29th, 2007 at 8:50 am [Reply]

# 57 (and I like your screen name): Understood. The visual is the same for me, and I think a photochopper could have fun making those shadow figures into snarkers.
man behind the curtain
August 29th, 2007 at 8:52 am [Reply]

FBOW — Actually, I think April travelling by herself could have made for an interesting week of strips. Just think of all the non-Patterson types she could have met, pervs included.

MW — Vera is “perfect” for Dr. Drew? In what way? Has any sex actually taken place yet?
Mack
August 29th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

As deeply uncomfortable as it makes me, I have to admit to not only liking today’s Foob, but (this is the horrifying part) also to identifying with it, references to bad songs aside. It essentially sums up my time at an out-of-state university.

In fact, I was rather touched by it. I was very much a daddy’s girl, and when I was little my father used to read the comics page to me. It was an interest we continued to share. Once I was an adult, we even went to comic book conventions together and met Patrick McDonnell, Bill Amend, Sergio Aragones, etc. Dad died six months ago, and I miss him and our comics talks. I think this is actually a strip he would have clipped and mailed to me.
Perky Bird
August 29th, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

Josh-
As a fellow feathered friend of Shirley the Duck, may I request the honor of being the chief attendant of her little ducky shrine (the “Shirleytarium”, as you put it)? I would even toast the breadcrumbs for her, if she desired.

I’d be like one of the Vestal Virgins…only without the “virgin” part.
Jamus The Bartender
August 29th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

52. Not necessarily. In the state of Wisconsin (where I live), construction workers (of which my sister is one) more often than not have to confer with the Department of Natural Resources (of which my cousin’s wife is an employee) to make sure they’re not building over protected wetlands. So, yeah, the halting work to watch out for a family of ducks is not completely unheard of. Besides, the construction workers are getting paid to drink coffee and such while the DNR figures out what to do with the baby ducks and relocate them. Which also takes a lot of time. This is how Wisconsinites stay gainfully employed.
Our Boarding House with Major Hoople
August 29th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

Ah, now I understand why Dingo was rooked, WLIT is a Clear Channel Communications radio station. Which is the equivalent of a Faux (oops, FOX) Broadcasting Company TV station.

They’re like ~~Wal-Mart~~um, really bias & predjudice.
Keg of Curd
August 29th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

You know what’s disturbing me? That gaping, greedy look on Daddy Patterson’s face as he rushes toward his daughter is exactly the same one he was recently aiming at a great big fuckin’ cheeseburger.
Original Lee
August 29th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

Dingo: Sorry to hear last night didn’t turn out well. But thousands of people know you are the real winner!

True Fable: Even though the letter wasn’t strictly accurate, I actually like the way it implies that the station told the judges who the winner should be. IMNSHO the blast radius may be greater than you think. I admire you greatly for following through!

#96 AFKAB: Your Phantom comment made me snigger until I choked, and then I had to tell my coworkers I didn’t need the Heimlich maneuver. Definitely a COTW nominee!
Allie Cat
August 29th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

Dingo – complete bummer – please know that I was sending good vibes all the way from Nashville – which is Music City USA, after all! In times like this it always helps me to remember that karma is a bitch!

Pearls Before Swine, how I adore thee! Whereas I would never cut out a FOOB and put it on my fridge, I’d cut out this one for sure.

Rhymes with Orange – I’m always glad to see the limited snark on this strip because I think she nails it about 85% of the time. Especially if you’re a dog lover, which, I am.

Luann – I was a smarter than average high school student, but I’ll admit my brain locked up on me more than once – even when I was really prepared.

Also – not to split hairs – but I thought Fogarty was an English teacher – why is he giving a History Test?

MW – Drew, you’re busted. Mary, give us a “gold meddle” interrogation!
cheech wizard
August 29th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

Bats: re: #320 in the last thread – Toronto is on Lake Ontario, not Erie.
Elly\'s Evil Twin
August 29th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

9CL: I really love the visuals in this strip, but I’ll be damned if I have EVER known what’s actually going on in it.

PBS: The best strips are the ones where you giggle and smile, but know that you couldn’t explain it to anyone else…”see, there’s this mouse in diapers and an alligator on a Segway” Nice FOOB reference, too.

GA: I love the way Slim is looking at Clovia’s tush. His idea of R&R is Randy & Raunchy.

Pluggers: I also like that his calendar hasn’t been turned to August yet.

DT: Is that Sen. Ted Kennedy Dick is rescuing?

JP: You GO, girlfriend!

Dingo: So sorry to hear about your “loss.” I had an idea where your story was going when you mentioned your boyfriend. As a transgendered woman, it’s *been there, done that* for me. If Mark Trail is busy with Shirley Q. Duck, maybe the kid from GT could come up and unleash his amateur RFOJ on the judges.
rich
August 29th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

RMMD: No idea what’s going on here, although I read the strip every day. But, boy, you gotta admit — it’s dramatic!!

Meanwhile, in Gasoline Alley, 86-year-old Skeezix is called out of retirement to run the garage. What could possibly go wrong?
Trevor
August 29th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Did you see this story? If this works, Archie is about to get a lot better.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 29th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

#106,
Thank you veddy much, Original “Gangsta” Lee.
Jamus The Bartender
August 29th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

107. Luann-Fogarty seems to be one of those all-purpose comic-strip teachers, who teaches subjects according to need. If an algebra teacher is needed to tell that stoner kid with the glasses to keep his feet off the desk, Fogarty will be there. If a chemistry teacher is needed to tell Tiffany not to wear short skirts that show off her thong, Fogarty will be there. And, if a history teacher is needed to show Luann’s test-panic…Fogarty will be there.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

Maybe they’re brothers, like CCR.
zadig
August 29th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

You’re all missing the big picture with Slylock Fox — Smitty is obviously the only pure human being left after some alien virus has changed everybody else to anthropomorphic animals.

Then, as we can now see, he’s stealing the magazines (no doubt many years old) because they’re the only reminders he can find of a time before the world became an insane, talking-animal nightmare from which he cannot awaken.

Heck, my pulse would be racing too.
Calico
August 29th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

FOOB – “Daddy! I finally lost my cherry on a horse! It feels so good! I’m totally ready to go Roadside now!”

MW – Dawn – “Damn – I lost my cherry, Drew, and the Horse. Maybe I do need a new hairstyle.”
SecretMargo
August 29th, 2007 at 9:47 am [Reply]

Who puts on a tie to answer the door when awakened from a nap? Also, were his cufflinks cold?

That’s my solution and I’m sticking to it.
Donald The Anarchist
August 29th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

Blondie SPOILER ALERT Are we seeing the downward swing of a classic bipolar cycle? Is the mailman engaged in convincing himself of the futility of existence to give emotional justification to his upcoming rampage? Or is he just using his bitterness and general disgust w/ Dagwood to excuse the torrid affair he’s conducting w/ Mrs. Bumstead? None of this will be revealed in any upcoming strips, but Dagwood will eat a big sandwich and then take a bath in the middle of the day.

FOOB “Is there white bread and mayonaise waiting at home for me daddy?” “No. But we got some for your sister. As long as she doesn’t mind, you can have some of hers.”

SFx I gotta hand it to Slylock. Although he regularly makes baseless accusations and constantly invades folks’ privacy. At least he hasn’t tortured a confession out of anyone. I was half-convinced he was gonna ask the doctor to give Smitty a shot of sodium pentothal, but no, all he asked for was a simple non-invasive procedure. I’ll start to really worry when he starts ordering proctological exams on non-compliant subjects.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

Yeah, obviously, there could be no other reason for an elevated heartbeat other than criminal mischief. Oh wait! Off the top of my head, I have deducted:
– Running, yes sure
– LION TAKING YOUR PULSE
– Waking up in the same clothes you wore yesterday because you passed out on the bed, realizing that you don’t know how you got home, and wonder what happened the night before.
– Being woken from deep slumber by the cops banging down your door. Trust me, there’s nothing more exciting than the prospect of John Q. Law about to take you in for questioning.

As for the theft itself, I’d say that the good doctor buck up, buy a few magazines from this decade, and chalk it up to business expenses. Like he’s not making boatloads of cash at Medical Plaza. He’s lost $5 on magazines if he lets the perp slide, but he’s losing $300 an hour for every minute he’s checking some petty criminal’s heartbeat instead of administering to paying customers. Now THAT’S theft!!
Happy Happenstance
August 29th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

Dingo — You was robbed! (I know it’s small consolation, but you would have had to have paid income taxes on the full package, which might have amounted to some major money. Better you and John keep your cash and spend it on a few “favorite things” of your own choosing.)
FreshHell
August 29th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

FBOW: As the father of daughters, I observe that no cartoonist can hit exactly the wrong note every single time. She is bound to say something genuine and touching every once in a while, even if only by accident. So you have to ignore the accumulated stifling weight of years of teeth-setting-on-edgely backstory . . . So you have to disregard the apalling, neurotic future of the daughter, knowing that she is burdened with the family from Canadian suburban Hell. . . Taken alone, this one is nice. I may even [shudder] tape it on the refrigerator.

[HaHa, just kidding, I would never tape a FOOB on the fridge. That would be creepy. HaHa. Never.]
scan
August 29th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

I dunno, but FBOfW seemed like the strip’s weeks were mixed up, the second week coming first, and…

…Wait a minute, is Lynn Johnston gonna give April’s trip the flashback treatment?

God, this strip is going downward faster than Lil Abner when Al Capp started hating hippies.
Calico
August 29th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

#121 – If Elly tapes a strip of herself up on the ~~larder~~ frig, maybe she’ll stop eating.
Gabe
August 29th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

Dik Dik: The Michael is in a Coma is pure fiction (ha) concocted by (I believe) poster Lyngineering. Basically, a fan-made theory (I use fan ironically) that Michael was seriously injured in the apartment fire, and the strip has been his coma fantasy since.
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
August 29th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE CALLED DINGO!

WHO CAN CHENNUX MAGMACANNON FOR YOU? HAHA! AND I MEAN “HAHA!” IN A BAD ‘WILEM DAFOE CONTEMPLATING THE CRUSHING OF A BASKET OF PUPPIES’ WAY!

END TRANSMISSION!
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Dingo, I realize I appear to trample roughshod in an extremely inebriated state (as is my wont) on Josh’s most excellent blog. You should sue Chicago …Gillette v. Chicago. You know, like Michael Patterson v. Maine. I feel you have a stronger case because it opens up larger issues than “sucidal girlfriend drops pizza on litagent’s (Patterson) ’s new white carpet. Dang, I’m PISSED OFF!
Gabe
August 29th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

Dingo: That sucks, dude.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

So pissed off I can’t even spell “suicidal” correcly!
BigTed
August 29th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

Remember when Tony Soprano tore a recipe out of a magazine in Dr. Melfi’s office? We were supposed to see it as an example of his selfishness and antisocial behavior, but c’mon… for $200 an hour, you’d think he was entitled to a couple of pages from her free copy of Bon Appétit. Similarly, if slow-reading Smitty wants to take a few Peoples and US Weeklys home to finish the articles he started while waiting 55 minutes for the doctor to check out his foot fungus, it’s none of Slylock’s damn business.
Ribinin
August 29th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

Yes PBS had a direct shout-out, but I thought 6chix was a better FOOB reference.
gh
August 29th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

Dingo –

This just in: Chicago has changed it’s motto to “City of Broad Shoulders and Narrow Minds.”

Next time, tip the alderman, I guess.
Rex Morgan, M.D.
August 29th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

*Jimmy crack corn, and I don’t care, Jimmy crack co*….Oh, Hi1!Faithful Reader you-know-who-you-are! Glaciers kill more people annualy than parked cars did. Just say no to drugs!
odinthor
August 29th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

MW — Probably this has not been mentioned here because it’s so obvious; but who can doubt that all this of Dr. Drew is a sly modernization of several stanzas of Spenser’s Faerie Queen of 1596? The clothing color clinches it:

[end of I:iv:24]

Yet he of Ladies oft was loued deare,
When fairer faces were bid standen by:
O who does know the bent of womens fantasy?

[I:iv:25]

In a greene gowne he clothed was full faire,
Which vnderneath did hide his filthinesse,
And in his hand a burning hart he bare,
Full of vaine follies, and new fanglenesse:
For he was false, and fraught with ficklenesse,
And learned had to loue with secret lookes,
And well could daunce, and sing with ruefulnesse,
And fortunes tell, and read in louing bookes,
And thousand other wayes, to bait his fleshly hookes.

[I:iv:26]

Inconstant man, that loued all he saw,
And lusted after all, that he did loue,
Ne would his looser life be tide to law,
But ioyd weake wemens hearts to tempt, and proue
If from their loyall loues he might then moue;
Which lewdnesse fild him with reprochfull paine
Of that fowle euill, which all men reproue,
That rots the marrow, and consumes the braine:
Such one was Lecherie, the third of all this traine.
Dik-Dik Vendetta
August 29th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

Gabe, many thanks for the clarification.
FreshHell
August 29th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

I was around for the first, strident life of “I Am Woman.” It was ground into my head with the brutal, unwavering insistence of a Chinese coal miner. It has re-surfaced again and again over the years until, finally, it has receded into the wallpaper of my aged brain. So I hardly noticed when a 15 year old Canadian girl thought-ballooned this old chestnut.

On the other hand, Wiki. says that: Helen Reddy is now a practicing Clinical Hypnotherapist based in Sydney and is Patron of the Australian Society of Clinical Hypnotherapists. Maybe there’s some kind of Phantom/Mandrake conspiracy in the crown colonies aimed at forever maintaining their youth in a state of suspended animation, in the 70’s. LA would be a natural participant in such a conspiracy.
Lynngineering
August 29th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

#80 – the Michael coma is a rationale for Foobian logic that centers Michael on every act, and at the same time makes less and less cohesive sense, or just entertainment in the manner of the old FBOFW. Thus the approach I have to reading FBOFW today, is to see it as all the ongoing coma fantasy of Michael. It starts after he ran back upstairs in the fire to retrieve his precious manuscript – against his wife’s wishes. That is the dividing line between the old FBOFW and the Michael coma fantasy. He never really made it back down, instead, he is actually in a burn-ward unit (or by now, just left in some accomodating hospital ward to be nominally attended to) and remains in a coma, fantasizing. And if you look back to my posts since that time, I think the arguments usually work out better than not… Especially when I discovered one can be in a walking-coma…
Moonbeam McSwine
August 29th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

#122 scan

God, this strip is going downward faster than Lil Abner when Al Capp started hating hippies.

Truer words were never written.
kurt
August 29th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

Hopefully that SF lion is not the Hamas “Lion King” ripoff (their latest gambit to convert kids to their cause) in disguise.

Meanwhile, today Luuan lost her mind during a test (”where is liddle bit of de brain?”) , and Popeye re-enacted the infamous STARBURST commercials of years ago (eat some fruit, launch yourself skyward blowing gas out yer…. well, you get the idea).
BigTed
August 29th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

Mr. Beasley’s baldness is clearly the result of stress. For one thing, he never seems to change his route or get a day off. And while every newer suburban area now features easily accessible mailboxes on posts by the street — and sometimes even have multi-boxes for 10 or 12 homes at a time — Dagwoodville’s ’50s-era construction still requires Herb to trudge up to individual houses, whose fast-moving residents see him more as a physical obstacle than a person. And then, of course, there’s the fact that the more hair he loses, the harder it is for him to get a date…. Yet every day he has to deal with the fact that a goofy-looking middle manager with an eating disorder somehow attracted the hottest, curviest blonde outside of the Playboy Mansion.
Girl Reporter
August 29th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

I bet Helen Reddy is in heavy rotation on WLIT.
BigTed
August 29th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

139 — Er, by “Herb,” I meant “him,” as in Mr. Beasley. Now we’re all confused!
Gal Friday
August 29th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

complaints on behalf of Dingo can be sent to WLIT:

http://www.wlit.com/pages/interact/mailform.php
Charlton Heston
August 29th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

June has been wearing that same outfit for neigh on, what…eight days now? Junie, you loony, I wish to pay you top dollar for that stanky thong you’ve no doubt been sporting all these live-long days! For sniffin’ and hackle raisin’ purposes, of course.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

Somebody once mentioned that Liz, or Ellie or Therese or somebody (maybe Vera, Dawn, Mary or Toeby) should have Angie Baby, as her theme song.
PeteMoss
August 29th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

Pardon me iff someone has already asked about this but in today’s Momma, is she actually disappointed that Francis isn’t a transvestite? This is an interesting revelation of Momma’s hopes and dreams for her adult children and why she is so often disappointed.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

I am Apri l – Hear me Roar!
With my Footsies to the Floor!
Mike
August 29th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

MW: With the look on Drew’s face today, I don’t believe the lower half of his suit is green anymore.
TaxiGirl
August 29th, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

Luann: Am I the only one who’s becoming convinced that by the end of this week we’ll see that this was All A Dream and that School Hasn’t Started Yet? I mean, really.
TaxiGirl
August 29th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

In fact, I bet that out of the frame, Luann isn’t wearing any pants right now.
BigJoe
August 29th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

B.C.: WHAT….THE….HELL?

I never thought I’d wish Johnny Hart was still writing the strip.
Kate
August 29th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

Wait, Dingo, WHAT? That CAN’T have happened — oh, wait, yes it can.

Fuck.

I think True Fable’s note is lovealicious and thanks to Girl Friday for the link. I’m writing to the station too.
ChristianPinko
August 29th, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

52 – OK, so Jamus the Bartender is going to spoil my fun by pointing out that the scenario in Mark Trail is not entirely implausible. Well, I don’t care. Here it goes:

Peter: Lawrence, lemme ask you something. Has anybody at work ever said to you, “We have to halt this construction project, there’s a male duck acting like a female sitting on eggs”?

Lawrence: No . . . no, man! [dawning horror] Shit, no, man! I b’lieve you’d get your ass kicked for somethin’ like that, man.
Lame Name
August 29th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

SFx — You guys keep talking about this magazine theft like it’s petty. Do you have ANY IDEA how aggravating it is to open the only Good Housekeeping left in the waiting room and find all the recipes have already been torn out?
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

Let’s just call Shirley “The Phenonomon”
Kate
August 29th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

Here’s what I wrote. I know there are probably some people on the station staff that are saying “Well, those hom’sexshuls, they say anything bad is cause they’re hom’sexshul.” So I went with the obvious public mistakes they made. Note the wide-eyed innocence.

Hi all,

I’m really kind of appalled at the way last night’s concert turned out. Even the winner of the contest said that he didn’t deserve it and that Jeff Gillette should have won.

As Mr. Gillette left the stage, the announcer referred to him by the other male contestant’s name. Could there possibly have been a mixup in the scorecards? That’s a shameful thing to have happened, but it’s the only thing I can think of that would explain the way the judging turned out.

Can someone please investigate this?

Thanks.
The Divine O’F
August 29th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

30 Dingo: Your report actually made me cry. What a cheat. What a disgusting turn of events. That so sucks. We all know you were the true winner. Too bad we can’t send you to Austria.
The Divine O’F
August 29th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

Yesterthread Bats: I love your hairball hallucination! And todaythread: great MW/Drew strip.

Josh: I love your MT speculation. I think I could happily follow a comic strip like Shirleytarium: all cute duckies all the time. No evil hirsute people, no dysfunctional families, no meddling. Yeah! Shirelytarium!
Llarry
August 29th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

Dingo: Before we send MT and his Fists o’Thunder to WLIT, we first should send the Phantom so he can screw with their heads a little…

In other news…

Blondie: Herb and Mr. Beasley are half-brothers. See, Beasley Sr. was a mailman first, and Mrs. Woodley was on his route…
Lou Shumaker
August 29th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

Today’s FOOB was rather sweet, and I suspect a lot more of us would have liked it before the Fall.

PBS was funnier for me because, in my newspaper, it’s positioned directly above the Foobiverse.
Sal Paradise
August 29th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

MW : Today’s strip works much better if you replace Drew’s dialog in the second panel with “Christ, what an asshole.”
gh
August 29th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

MT —

I think the developers should just adopt Shirley as their mascot and call their new complex “Shirley’s Shopping Mall-ard” and Shirley and the baby ducks could do TV promos like “Come on down to Shirley’s Shopping Mall-ard where wetlands are never a problem!” and “It’s a Moonlight Madness sale and we’re not talking out our asses – it just looks that way!”
Non Compost Mentos
August 29th, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

113 Jamus: Now that you mention it, Mr. Fogarty does look like Henry Fonda. A little. If I take off my glasses and squint.

44 Squid Countess: Ed Woodduck! I love it! Hey, Ed Power, are you listening? “Ed Woodduck” is quite simply MADE for My Cage! (Oh sure, “Ed Woodchuck” would work, too, but the less-common species would really rock). His magnum opus? Plan 9 From Lost Forest. Perhaps other mudges could fill in Ed Woodduck’s filmography…

Dingo: I hate Clear Channel even more than ever. Not only should GE Chennux warm up the Magmacannons, I’d also suggest that this fraud be brought to the attention of someone in the press–sounds like the kind of thing that one of the muckraking alternative newsweeklies could really go to town with.

FC: Maybe Billy is really just a big fan of public radio, and he knows that tune from the weekly letters segment of Marketplace. I’d like to believe that, at this very moment, Billy is also listening to Terri Gross interviewing Judas Priest’s Rob Halford, part of Fresh Air’s Labor Day Weekend “Gods of Metal” series. (No, really, I’m not making this up!)
Tabby Lavalamp
August 29th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

It would not surprise me in the least to learn that Lynn Johnston is planning to kill off Elly to free up John to marry April. That would really show Elizabeth who only wants to marry a guy like Dad.
No, it would not surprise me in the least. Damn you, Lynn Johnston.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Dagnabbit! This Jeff “Dingo” Gillette dabacle really has my fruit o’ the Looms in a wad! I fired off a couple of statements to WLIT (Thanx Girl Friday!) basically stating Mr. Gillette was the clear winner and well, I think Dingo was Gore and the other guy was Bush…Damn! I’m still way pissed off!!!
Al
August 29th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

Luann — who knew this comic was set in South Carolina?
Gabe
August 29th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

I forwarded the Dingo story to a few of my media contacts.
mattt
August 29th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

#66 Tweeks_Coffee (and others) re: FC The song “I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter” was a huge hit for Billy Williams in 1957. That’s why this is funny. Get it? Yeah. Keane (whichever one’s doing it–I don’t care) misses the mark twice with this one. The group that gets the texting part probably won’t get the song part, and the group that gets the song part probably won’t get the texting part. Nice double play!

FBOW Wouldn’t it be awesome if someday we just see John wandering around, a blank look on his face, drool running down his chin, moaning, “Traaaaaaiiiinnnnsssss…..TRRRRAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNSSSS….grunt…”

That would be awesome.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Oops, I did it again. http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20040524&name=Rex_Morgan
mattt
August 29th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Dingo Man, that’s a stinker.
McManx
August 29th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

SFx — What did Slylock ask Dr. Lion to do to determine if Slick Smitty was lying? Obviously digital rectal examination is in order. Five minutes of a large clawed paw up Smitty’s ass will have him admitting to anything.
SmartPeopleOnIce
August 29th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

I believe that’s the first time I’ve seen the phrase “Long-time Blondie reader” used outside of an obit.

And Smitty’s pulse might be elevated if the magazines were Penthouse, no? Well, maybe from the 70’s, before it went all Maxim-y and lame. Ok, perhaps I have shared too much.

And dating vera shields is the new kitty has a nosebleed.
Girl Reporter
August 29th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

I’m just glad that somebody remembered to pick up April at the airport, and that they didn’t make her just take the bus home.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

I only read Blondie and Judge Parker for the artiicles.
PeteMoss
August 29th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

Dingo, it’s been common knowledge for years that Clear Channel Communications is a wholly owned subsidiary of Satan Enterprises. In fact, it’s headquaters building in San Antonio actually sits over a hellmouth and is the source of most heat, and humidity in South Texas. It’s board of directors feast on puppies and kittens and would never hesitate to build a mall right on top of your duck eggs if it believed it would improve ratings and homogenize the public airwaves. I hear even Dick Chenny is scared of CCC and that Karl Rove performs human sacrafices while delivering motivational speeches at the executive weekend retreats.

My hunch is that the “winner” of the contest will come back from “Austria” with a chip implant – ala Dick Tracy’s Gretchen – that programs him to tune all radios to CCC stations and plays Anne Murray tunes in his head until he’s forced to blows his brains out.
gh
August 29th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

#165 Al –

If Luann were set in SC, her response would have been shorter.
gh
August 29th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

And misspelled.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

MT: Wouldn’t it be super bitchen if Homer and his crew were building an viaduct! You know, like the Marks Brothers!…. Why a duck?…Zeppo plays Rusty.
Calico
August 29th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

MT – Lucky the beaver became Theodore – what will Shirley’s new name be? Lucky?
Hostrauser
August 29th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

Thousands upon thousands of duck-controlled zombies walking repeatedly into Mark Trail’s fist? That’s weeks of good reading right there.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

And furthermore….Paperback Rifler: I am speechless for the second time of my so-called life!!!!
thelordofthemanor
August 29th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

In the third panel in For Better Or For Worse, it looks like the widest aircraft cabin in the world. It looks like it’s wide enough for passengers to walk down while the food cart is out.
Renee J
August 29th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Peter’s the bad guy? Wouldn’t it have been easier to prevent her from getting to the board meeting on time, thus assurring that she didn’t get elected, than to help her get there on time and then kill her?
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Calico @ #178—-Stop calling me Shirley!
Non Compost Mentos
August 29th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

171 SPOI: I was going to ask if I really wanted to know what the old “kitty has a nosebleed” was, but then I figured it out all on my own. And oh my, yes, I daresay you should send “Dating Vera Shields” to Aunt Flow.

In other Kitty News, I’d like to see a crossover between the current FW idiocy and today’s Brewster Rockit.
Perky Bird
August 29th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

Slylock Fox:
You may ask, why would Slick Smitty want to steal magazines from a doctor’s office, and why would the doctor be so upset? Well, maybe those magazines weren’t just the usual two-year-old copies of Redbook or Modern Maturity you usually find in a doctor’s office.

I bet Dr. Lion is a male fertility specialist, and those stolen magazines were the latest editions of Naughty Cassandra he had brought in to “assist” his clients with their “specimines”.

Of course, if this was Mary Worth, old copies of Modern Maturity would have served the same purpose…
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

Non Compost Mentos: Aunt Flow doesn’t have a “J” menses name…May I suggest “Jamie’s got a Gun”? *slowly stepping away*
Anonymous
August 29th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

Speciyours, specimines – what’s the difference, really.
cheech wizard
August 29th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

FOOB – Lynn is rushing through storylines right now because she has a lot of ground to cover to get her characters where she wants them to be before the strip “ends” in October and the characters are forever frozen in time, like flies trapped in amber.

Elly’s children and grandchildren will forever remain as they are, young people brimming with promise and untainted by the grime of life. To wit:

- Michael will always be the promising young writer, our view of him cut off before his inevitable descent into Hemingwayesque depression, alcohol and madness.

-April will always be the talented young musician, before her career path leads her into a late-night world of gritty nightclubs, drugs and penises.

-Robin and Sara will always be adorable tykes with their pants full of poo, in that magical age before their organic psychoses begin to present themselves and they start taking marching orders from the family dog.

- Meanwhile, Grandpa Jim will be stuck as an asphasic invalid, which is why he’s trying so hard over these next few weeks to find his guns so he can splatter his brains out before the deadline and maybe take Iris with him.

- And Liz – the strip will end on her wedding day, so she will forever be preserved in a state of perfection – wed, yet still virginal and unsoiled by the wedding night that will never arrive. So they will all go on, like flies in amber, in that timeless state of the “classic” Foobiverse Lynn has in store for them post-October.

Meanwhile, over in FW, Lisa will be forever held in her own amber-like state after October. Although it’s really bronze, and it’s a coffin.
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
August 29th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

Non Compost Mentos and Squid Countess,

Re: “Ed Woodduck” is quite simply MADE for My Cage! (Oh sure, “Ed Woodchuck” would work, too, but the less-common species would really rock). His magnum opus? Plan 9 From Lost Forest. Perhaps other mudges could fill in Ed Woodduck’s filmography…’

LOL! I’m actually a HUGE Ed Wood fan. (I have a bad movie festival at my house once a year. LONG LIVE MST3K!!!! :D )

I’ll see what I can do. I made a list of spoof movie titles for Melissa to put up in the background of the strip and one was either ‘K-9 from Outer Space’ or ‘Plan K-9 from Outer Space’. I can’t remember which.

Anyway, if Squid Countess is OK with it I’ll see if I can squeeze Ed Woodduck in. ;)
FreshHell
August 29th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

185 – The mental image of Ol’ Doc rubbing one out while fantasizing about a naked, compliant Mary is one that could render a young man barren. There ought to be some kind of Surgeon General’s warning on your post. That’s some strong medicine.

Or am I reading too much into it.
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

Aw fiddlesticks! I’m Audi like Gaudí…Before I depart, I gotta say, Dingo was ripped off, and: song parody #9—
Originally performed by Martina McBride, made cancerous by Red—
What is Mary worth?
Ain’t shit to me
She was around before my birth
Has anyone seen
Anyone actually eating that damned cassarole?
Burma Shave
Red Greenback
August 29th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

Ed Power from Outer Space—-
“Woodduck or Wooddrake?”
Dik-Dik Vendetta
August 29th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

cheech wizard #188: But what of the parents? John already appears to be trapped in an endless state of adolescence, riding his trains and eating monstrous burgers with his pacman lips. And Elly? How will she be able to pursue her passive-aggressive muse with her children safely ensconced in their balloons of permanent bliss?
A New Day
August 29th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

Notice how April tacitly recognizes that Liz’s freedom is in the past tense (”when she was on her own”.) Technically speaking, Liz is on her own: she has her own apartment again, and she only admits to pre-dating the Mustache-That-Was. But April, as usual, is the wisest of the lot, recognizing that Liz’s return to her home town was the first step in an inevitable cycle of gendered bondage and despair. Personally, I think the Liz-themed strips of the past year should be given to every 22-year old woman in North America. They are the modern equivalent of a head on a spike, a warning to all those who think “it wasn’t so bad at home really, and Billy-Joe-Blah-Tommy was nice, even if he wasn’t that exciting.” Run girls, run for your very souls.
Laura c
August 29th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

133: Are you suggesting that Dr. Drew is the Green Knight? He could chop off Mary’s head!

Dingo, much sympathy.
Chloe The Cat
August 29th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

If Luann were set in South Carolina, she would not have been in class to get the assignment in the first place, her parole officer would have picked it up for her since she is on house arrest.
cheech wizard
August 29th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

Dik-Dik V/193 – Exactly. John will continue to go in an endless loop around his model RR track, having become spiritually one with the little plastic flagman. And while the children will never decay, nor will they ever improve, so that Elly will be forever free to work her passive-aggressive skills on their unremedied flaws.
SmartPeopleOnIce
August 29th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

Non Compost Mentos / Red Greenback – or the ever-eloquent Tears of the Moon (Terence?)

Alas, now better known as a World of Warcraft level. I forget: is that irony or schadenfreude?
cheech wizard
August 29th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

195 – But Mary is the one who would place it back on her shoulders, then announce: “Now you must come to my house one year hence to sup on casserole! HaHaHa!”
Devlesa
August 29th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

Dingo- I agree, you were robbed. Unfortunately, I don’t think complaining to CCC will result in anything. You’ll have better results if you contact local media and have it get attention that way. Nothing makes a company jump quicker than bad press.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

Perhaps Dawn only hand buffed and spit shined the Green Hornet’s stinger.
The Divine O’F
August 29th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

MT: I think that Shirley the Nervous and Brave transgendered duck may be Jack Elrod’s way of apologizing to duckdom for his last portrayal of an individual duck. If you recall, its entire plot line consisted of dying in the act of blinding a large-breasted woman and then having Mark Trail go through its entrails to find out what it had eaten recently.
SecretMargo
August 29th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

145: Pete, I’m so glad somebody else noticed this. (see my post from yesterthread). Are we the only two besides Josh who read Momma closely enough to realize when it makes even less sense than usual? I mean, at first I was like “how progressive!” But now I’m not so sure….does completely nonsensical=progressive?

Dingo: I concur with the poster who suggested talking to the local press: NewCity is small enough want to fill their pages (I used to write for them so…they must have been desperate), and the Reader might pick it from them. Worth a shot.
Dingo
August 29th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

Thanks, folks. I was just reporting the results here. I’ve left a message this morning (so far unreturned) for the promotions director and a couple of people who were there last night have informed me that they’ve left messages at the station’s website.

While it was sweet of someone to suggest sending us to Austria, I only want the prize that was rightfully mine.
The Divine O’F
August 29th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: I call shenanigans. No sane woman, Plugger or not, would ever ask her husband to clean out the refrigerator.
Josh
August 29th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

#182 Rene — I’m finding the current twists and turns in RMMD both baffling and boring, but I think that Pete is playing some kind of double game … he used Heather to prevent young Hugh Avery and Alan/Allen/Alyn from seizing control of the board, and now that he’s stopped that from happening, he’s going to … kill her so he can control her himself? See, that’s where it falls apart. Since Heather has just been doing whatever he says without question anyway, you’d think he could just run things through her for a while, whatever his nefarious schemes.

#203 SecretMargo — I too was utterly baffled by today’s Momma; but at 2 am or whenever I was doing my post, it was wayyy too much for me to get my mind around, and I had already seen your comment, which pretty much said anything I would have, but funnier.

Josh
King Folderol
August 29th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

Two things about Slylock (I’m late to the party, so someone might have already noted this:

1) A human going to a non-human doctor? I know our healthcare system is broken, but has it really come to this?

2) I know not all doctors are multimillionaires driving brand new Mercedes, but can’t the doctor just buy some new magazines to replace his copies of Sports Illustrated from 1988?
Buck Ripsnort
August 29th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Waaay too late in the thread to mention this– but why is Hello Kitty’s Sanrio drawing Marvin today? (check out that 3rd panel) And which is worse: the diaper joke or using The Asian BabyTM to do it?
Come to think of it, the last “I am Woman” reference I remember was in Marvin, so it all neatly ties together.
AlmostAGhost
August 29th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

I’ve actually quite enjoyed the surreal weirdness of Garfield lately–a freaking ice cube shirt, what? That cracks me up. And when Garfield belched during Jon’s date, and told him to kiss her before the moment passed… that made me laugh. I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Also, I’m new to this strip, but what the freak’s the deal with Mallard Fillmore? I feel I’m fairly into politics and social issues… but “too much air conditioning for public schools”? I’ve never heard of that complaint. Maybe he’d support ice cube shirts for the kids.
Al
August 29th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

#181 thelordofthemanor — I think April actually took the train — those windows are way too big for an aircraft.

#175-176 gh — :)

#182 Renee J — It is in the BadGuy(c) handbook that all evil plans MUST be overcomplicated. Sharks with friggin’ LASERS strapped to their heads and all that…
PeteMoss
August 29th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

203 SecretMargo, I see you covered the subject of Momma’s bizzare hopes for Francis much better than I did. Bwa-ha-ha!
AlmostAGhost
August 29th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

sorry, i just read up on Mallard Fillmore. don’t answer my “what’s up with that strip?” question, for the sanity of others.
bats :[
August 29th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

24. True Fable: Mr. bats commented on this as well, a “kid” knowing a song maybe from the 40s? Then again, the kid looks like a flippin’ throw pillow, so whaddaIknow?

67. True Fable: I followed your lead and also wrote. Good thing I’m 1500 miles from Chicago — if I’d been there and witnessed this, I probably would’ve burst a blood vessel or something. Crap like this really chaps my hide.
Even with your boo-boos, I figure calling the WLIT management on the carpet is worth something (”we’re watching you…yes, YOU!”). Heck, with not only the Berghoff closing but also the Zephyr restaurant on the North Side, I’m just about ready to cash in my Windy City chips…

YAY, Dingo! Your being chosen to perform is a great accomplishment (I don’t think I envy you; I wouldn’t have the nerve to get up in front of a gazillion people like that!).

95. Major Hoople: and of the WLIT management…”my gorge rises.”

108. cheech wizard: thanks! (I guess I should’ve figured Lake Ontario would be near Ontario — if I can NAME the five Great Lakes, I figure I’m doing ok.)

157. Divine O’F: thanks for the good words (and everyone else who strokes my ego, too :) … I gotta reign all of this in, even if it is a lot of fun (cheap laughs, my forte’!). Then again, we’re going to be out of town next week, so I’m going to have severe CC and Photoshop withdrawals.

161. gh: you, sir, are a marketing genius! Take those ducks and run!

184. NCM: okay,
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1268370579/
man behind the curtain
August 29th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

RMMD — yesterday Pete had driven off with heather 20 minutes ago. Today they left 25 minutes ago so only 5 minutes have gone by (Ain’t I a mathematical genius.) IIn panel 1, does everyone in the lobby hear Rex? n Panel 3 it looks like a well-placed mole over June’s left eye has forced her eyebrow into an a And I love how “X” marks the pupil.

FBOW — Another take on the arrival scene. April is really disapointed due to the realization that she really isn’t free like she wants to be.
Calico
August 29th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

#191 – My God, is everyone on acid today?
Whatever the energy is, I love it.
May be residuals from the Lunar Eclipse Tues.
Or primarily superpowered snark.
bats :[
August 29th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

205. Divine O’F: from my personal experience, if I asked Mr. bats to clean out the fridge, the shelf at precisely eye-level would be immaculate. Nothing appears to exist above or below it (or in the door).
Reed Green
August 29th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

What do you think is the comic strip of this generation? GF or PBS?
sammytribec4
August 29th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

Hard to say. One or the other. After those two, there’s a big dropoff.
andreavis
August 29th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

#209 AlmostAGhost– I won’t get into the Mallard Filmore politics (I surely don’t want to end up in The Cockpit) but that duck’s ignorance about certain things is astounding. I suppose his rant today relates to liberal’s presumed hypocrisy about global warming; but hey, you stupid duck– most schools don’t have air conditioning! especially not older schools (anything built before the 70’s.) Stupid, stupid duck. Did I mention that I hate that strip?
andreavis
August 29th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

#219 to amend my rant– what I meant to say was, schools here in the Midwest don’t have air conditioning. Mallard Filmore remains a stupid duck.
Sal Paradise
August 29th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

Careful about Mallard Fillmore. Bruce Tinsley is very sensitive and any criticism will cause him to go on a drunken bender.
Sal Paradise
August 29th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

FW : It’s hard to make out, but in the 1st panel, is the cat doing a shot with Les?
Sugar and Spike
August 29th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

glarmonkle oomphastas dlork*

* Shirley The Duck (AKA Shirley T. Duck) is quickly regaining all the goodwill her cousin Howard lost for duckdom.
Dik-Dik Vendetta
August 29th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

Does Bruce Tensley see a French duck when he’s getting soused? Le Canard Vert so to speak.
Professor Fate
August 29th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

FW: I can only asume that the editor of the strip said “Tom – you’re gonna have to explain about the talking cat otherwise readers are going to assume you’ve lost it” To which Tom said “but it’s a plot twist see, the imaginary cat has imaginary cancer”
Dik-Dik Vendetta
August 29th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

Sal Paradise #221: Actually, I see from these here wikipedias, that Bruce Tinsley actually likes to go driving when he’s on his benders. Maybe the duck is with him?
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

#206 Josh -

“#182 Rene — I’m finding the current twists and turns in RMMD both baffling and boring, but I think that Pete is playing some kind of double game … he used Heather to prevent young Hugh Avery and Alan/Allen/Alyn from seizing control of the board, and now that he’s stopped that from happening, he’s going to … kill her so he can control her himself? See, that’s where it falls apart. Since Heather has just been doing whatever he says without question anyway, you’d think he could just run things through her for a while, whatever his nefarious schemes.”

Pete seemed to be playing it cool until they got word that they found Milton. He must have realized Milton and the crew could be witnesses if Pete messed with the plane somehow. So he took Heather as a hostage to facilitate a getaway/ avoidance of asskicking. That’s the only way it makes sense to me, but it does make sense.

Did I just say RMMD made sense? I’d better check my meds.
PeteMoss
August 29th, 2007 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

222. Sal Paradise
That’s true. Once I made the mistake of criticizing the way Mallard Filmore can’t get off the fence about whether he’s a green headed duck or a black duck and Tinsley went on a terrible bender and rammed his car into Mel Gibson’s on Hwy 1 near Malibu. Then they both stormed into Martin Sheen’s beach house and Tinsley thew up all over Sheen’s copy of the I Ching while Gibson forced Sheen to say “Heil Hitler.” A nasty scene all the way around.
gh
August 29th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

#217 Reed Green –

GF by a whisker. Unless zeebas have whiskers, then it’s PBS.
LuLu
August 29th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Oddly enough, my father (who manages for a construction firm) has a real life cute animal story involving burly construction workers who cooed over an animal and her babies.

Except the animals in question were dogs, not ducks; mama dog had her litter underneath a trailer and thus wasn’t impeding work; and I’m not sure if it really still counts as cooing when they named one of the puppies Kick Saddam’s Ass, known as Kickass for short (this happened right after the Iraq War started).

Of course, my father works with actual construction workers, whereas Mark Trail is filled with Faulkneresque manchildren with punch-away beards.
Josh
August 29th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

#227 TF — Ah! Truly, you are wise in the ways of the soap opera comics.

Josh
Joe
August 29th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

Slylock Fox:
Sorry, but I just can’t snark on this comic. Ever. It’s for Kids, after all.

FOOB:
Now, this is an entirely different story. Nice how April gets to spend two days at the Farm, being insulted a lot on top of it, so we can have enough time to see all of Lynn’s hand-wringing and half-assed attempts to make Therese into an even bigger villian and Ass-hat-thony even more blameless.

Too bad it didn’t work, Lynn. The general consensus seems to be the opposite. Pastythony is an even bigger creep and now we understand why Therese left him: He was crushing her and she had no choice if she wanted to keep her sanity.

Of course, how can we forget the shrew Elizaloser, who led Mr. LiverLips on for all those years, and then really egged him on after he got married.

That little snot Loserbreath deserves the Cold-Cream-of-Wheat-Foobface 110%. She deserves to be chained forever in that hell of Foobish misery.

I wish Lynn would just get it over with and bring the FBOFW train wreck to a halt.
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

# 30 — Dingo, you did win, and we all know you won. You are far classier than the contest-rigging creeps. Congratulations!

I am ticked off on your behelf, and I am also certain that the creeps will reap the full consequences someday, somewhere, somehow. That’s karma. Besides, Judge Judy says that always happens to people who do the Wrong Thing.

# 67 — Sir Fable MTK, a slightly-flawed letter totally beats a good intention, which is all most of us summon up regarding such matters. I bow.
This Just In
August 29th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

First time poster, long time snark-lurker. I made it on Elly’s Coffee Talk this week, finally – it’s the post asking why she hates feminists, for those who want to admit they read the Coffee Talk.

This is from the foobsite today. Spoiler alert: it basically gives away the resolution to Liz/Granthony, for the 3 remaining people who couldn’t figure it out.
——
New Phase of “For Better or For Worse” Begins Sept. 3
Posted: August 29, 2007 | News Bites Home

Kansas City, MO (08/29/2007) Aug. 28, 2007 — Lynn Johnston’s popular comic strip “For Better or For Worse” begins a new phase Monday, Sept. 3, as character Michael Patterson looks through a family photo album with his 5-year-old daughter, Meredith. With this strip, Michael begins retelling the Patterson family story by recounting the courtship of his parents, John and Elly, the central characters in the 28-year-old comic strip read by millions each day.

In a mixture of new, old and retouched work, readers will begin to see scenes of the past — Elly reading in the library at college and catching the eye of the young dental student who will one day become her husband.

“This was an opportunity to give my readers new material, as well as my being able to pick and choose through the original art and making it different, making it a new entity, as it were,” says Johnston.

Johnston will keep fans engaged with a mix of special strips from the past and newly drawn panels that will help reintroduce favorite storylines. The strip’s current storyline will be interlaced with Michael’s remembrances until it gradually reaches a natural closing stage sometime early next year. When that happens, time will stop for the extended Patterson family, but not their stories. The stories will be relived by a current generation of fans and introduced for the first time to a new generation.

Right now, Johnston is still exploring the budding romance between oldest daughter Elizabeth and an old high school flame.

“I’m interested and readers are interested to know what is going to happen with Anthony and Elizabeth,” she said. “That resolution can’t happen too fast. They’ve only just started to see each other again after a long time apart.”
Bobdog
August 29th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Clearly “sleeping” was not what Smitty was actually doing — it was recreational drug use.

But it’s a good thing he stole hopelessly out of date magazines from a doctor’s office and not, say from a newsstand or something where there might have been some real illegality involved because without the assistance of a medical professional on hand at the scene of the crime, Slylock really wouldn’t have had a case. Unless of course he actually found the magazines themselves. That would have been pretty damning (as far as pilfering such things damns you, anyway).

Also, I’ve seen those notices about not removing magazines from the doctor’s office, but I had no idea that the consequence would be said doctor charging after me in an angry huff. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with our medical system — it’s not the over bloated private insurance infrastructure after all! You can’t see a doctor because they spend all their time chasing down magazine thieves!
cheech wizard
August 29th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

The strip’s current storyline will be interlaced with Michael’s remembrances until it gradually reaches a natural closing stage sometime early next year. When that happens, time will stop for the extended Patterson family,

That really sounds like a couple of euphanisms for death. Cool.
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

#217 Reed Green – I’d say GF. Maybe PBS is the comic for the Next Generation, minus Data.

Rimshot! Veal! Waitress!

I say GF mainly because of the human factor. For some reason Comics For Our Generation almost always seem to require at least one human to, I don’t know, give us an Everyman to represent us in it. Or some damn thing.

But PBS is consistently funnier (you know, when GF goes on a tangent and grinds bees for several days, it gets old) so I’d put PBS in the Pogo category of No Humans, Just Damn Good.

I used to read Pogo when I was a kid, and my dad would read it with me and explain it if I didn’t get it. I loved that strip and wish like crazy that Walt Kelly was still around to draw it in today’s political clime.
Bobdog
August 29th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

I wonder if the Vogons would have stopped their work if they knew about our ducks. I don’t think they had facial hair, so it probably doesn’t matter.
Uncle Lumpy
August 29th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

#227 TF; #231 Josh –

Peter’s bizarre behavior may be the result of some sort of chip — in his brain, perhaps? It’s certainly the only possible explanation for whatever stupid game Keith is running over in Judge Parker.
Uncle Lumpy
August 29th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

New Phase of “For Better or For Worse” Begins Sept. 3

Never doubt that God hears prayers!
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

# 162 — Ooh, Non, I like your alternative newspaper idea. I think the one here would cover something like this, and surely Chicago has far better alternative newspapers. Though its Clear Channel radio is obviously on a par with others around the country (blech).

# 174 — PeteMoss, thank you. I’ll be interested in whether anyone comes to the defense of Clear Channel. Among the people I know, your description would be heartily seconded.
Sal Paradise
August 29th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

Which would kill you first, Vogon poetry or constant exposure to the wrist-slittingly depressing Funky Winkerbean?
PeteMoss
August 29th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

I swear, between Judge Parker & Rex Morgan, M.D., ya gotta have a damn MBA to understand the plots to the damn comics these days. Does Rex ever have to, you know, practice medicine? Does Sam Driver ever have to prepare for a deposition or draft a motion or chase an ambulance or is he just a trophy husband to the wealthy Abbey?
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

#231 Josh Thank you, your Holiness! Soap opera comics are admittedly my favorite kind; they appeal to the writer in me at the same time they grind the hell out of my bees. Speaking of which….

#236 cheech wizard – maybe Lynn will euthanize the whole strip.

#239 Uncle Lumpy – I admit, Judge Parker has me absolutely, totally and without reservation, stumped. I don’t know much about the wine business but evidently neither does Woody. I’ve been trying to come up with logical explanations for the different plot points but it’s like a Picasso painting and I don’t mean that in the “highly valued and artistically brilliant” sense, but more in the “different angles that don’t quite fit, but made palatable by enormous sweater puppies” sense.
Josh
August 29th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

#244 TF — It’s always helpful to remember that RMMD and JP are written by the same guy. Apparently about six months ago he got a “corporate intrigue/high finance” bug up his butt … I’m not sure if the current insanity in both strips is a result of him getting in over his head or losing interest or both.

Josh
Eric
August 29th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

“Baby take off your mailbag… reeeeeaalll slow…. baby take off your United States Postal Service Official Issue shorts… awww yeah…. but you can leave your hat on. In fact, please please, leave your hat on…”
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

#245 Josh – There’s never a good Orkin man around when you need one.
Non Compost Mentos
August 29th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

#189 Ed Power: Hooo! “Plan K-9 from Outer Space” is a perfect Ed Woodduck title. At the risk of sounding like a drooling otaku–and they’re bad enough when they’re not salivating at all–this, sir, is why you are the comic-strip artist and I am but the lowly fan.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 29th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

This is a digression, but it seems digressions are tolerated on this blog. I just made a profile for myself at http://www.linkedin.com and I imagine that maybe some of you have used that site as well. Is there much practical point to doing so? Can you actually get jobs this way, in your experience?

As an alternative to cluttering this comments section, you can email me directly. Clicking on “Skullturf Q. Beavispants” takes you to my seldom-updated blog, and if you go to the shorter May 12th entry and follow the link, you can find out my real name whereupon some basic sleuthing skills will tell you my email address.
Uncle Lumpy
August 29th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

#245 Josh –

Here’s one vote for “over his head” — the setups don’t make any sense, and it’s clear that the concept of “majority ownership” apparently baffles him –

a) Heather’s the proxy for majority owner Milton — she doesn’t need Board approval for any damn thing.

b) Keith wants to preserve his and Trudi’s majority shareholding by selling his shares to Caesar at an unfavorable price — as though selling them at a favorable price were any different. And how does selling shares of ownership in a winery preserve said ownership?

I think the author treats “board approval” and “majority ownership” as totems, wholly independent from their basis as representations of shareholder interest. He should take his cue from Hitchcock and have people fight over golden birds or pricey stamps.
Helena Handbasket
August 29th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

#205 The Divine O’F: This ties into my Pluggers comment of yesterthread. I think the wife is actually attempting to kill off her husband by having him eat a fridge-worth of tainted food. I’m guessing the unseen wife to be a small mammal who is fed up with satisfying the needs of a husband who outweighs her by a factor of ten. Of course, given that he’s a bear he probably has a constitution used to eating mouldering hunks of what-have-you in the forest, so her plan may backfire.
Bobdog
August 29th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

I wouldn’t give up on your Herb is Mr. Beasly theory just yet — if he’s willing to don a hat for the purpose of his mailman personna, then it’s possibly he’s willing to sport a rug for his Dagwood’s neighbor personna.

I don’t think there’s anything insidious going on with this switcheroo — all though it could be just for Herb’s amusement as to how long he can keep this going without the Bomsetad’s catching on — I think he’s got either a multiple personality disorder or there’s a larger meta-narrative going on in Blondie in which the cast members play different roles either because of budget constraints or because it’s some sort of artistic statement. I kind of figured that Dagwood and his son are also the same person, just using some primitive CGI to inter splice them.
Stranger…
August 29th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

9CL – Now where else would you see a reference to Colin Mochrie?

SFx – I think it is obvious what types of magazines Sick Smitty was clutching and reading… And I’ve NEVER seen those in a waiting room.
Chyron HR
August 29th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

#250 – Keith wants to preserve his and Trudi’s majority shareholding by selling his shares to Caesar at an unfavorable price — as though selling them at a favorable price were any different. And how does selling shares of ownership in a winery preserve said ownership?

No, no, Mullet wants Pimp Lawyer to sell HIS shares to Evil Developer at a reduced price. Should Pimp Lawyer not be distracted by Buxom Lawyer’s assets and refuse to sell at the lower price, Mullet will be forced to sell HIS shares to Evil Developer instead, because he promised that Evil Developer was going to get to buy SOMEBODY’S shares at the reduced price.

I mean, uh, woo-hoo, T&A!
cheech wizard
August 29th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

244/True Fable – Or maybe Howard Erk, fresh out of jail, will show up at Liz and Granthony’s nuptials with an automatic rifle and mow down the entire wedding party in a jealous rage, a la Dynasty. I’d clip that and put it on my fridge.
Uncle Lumpy
August 29th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

#254 Chyron –

OK, so Evil Developer buys a minority interest, which entitles him to . . . jack, absent agreement on development, water, or some other rights. Which, as majority shareholders, Keith ‘n’ Trudy could simply sell him.

Why does Mr. E.D. want the shares?
T. Chicana
August 29th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

Skullturf: I am feeling just too lazy to Columbo your e-mail, so I’ll be brief: Linked In hasn’t ever done anything for me. And sites like monster–hoo! Before I took myself off that, all I got was offers to be part of pyramid schemes in my area. A great way to get stalked by Amco. Not so w/ Linked In, but it also doesn’t do anything.
Josh
August 29th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

#256 UL — It must have something to do with the mysterious lake or water table or whatever that Sophie spotted when snooping around Mullethead’s stuff under the pretext of lecturing him on global warming, somehow. But, uh … well, are Mullethead and Tits Magee really the controlling shareholders? The tension seems to be that the dynamic brother-sister duo want to do something with the winery other than make wine, but are afraid that Abbey and Sam will derail it … somehow. God, it’s just dumber and dumber the more you think about it.

Josh
Godzooky
August 29th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

#237 True Fable: FYI, newsfromme.com recently marked Happy Walt Kelly Day.
Joe
August 29th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

#234 This Just In:

I admit I read the FOOB Coffee-Talk. Congrats to you on getting your letter published, I laughed out loud when I read it.

I’ve submitted to the FOOB-talk a few times. I’ve asked Lynn why she hates career women, people who choose to stay single, and couples who choose to stay childless, but it was never posted.

I finally got a letter posted lasted week. It was a nice roast of the Lizthony.

May you have more success!
Uncle Lumpy
August 29th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

#258 Josh –

If Sam ‘n’ Abbey sell their shares, Keith ‘n’ Trudi still hold a controlling interest.

So there’s gotta be a side deal about the rights to that “lake” under the property, confirmed by the mysterious hydrologists’ study. Probably to supply Caesar’s Nefarious Arms development or something.

But if he’s got a side-deal on rights with the majority owners, why does Caesar want the shares, or care whether Sam ‘n’ Abbey are out of the picture?

I have just read two and a half months of Judge Parker at one sitting, during which one day has elapsed.
PeteMoss
August 29th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

258. Josh re JP

Maybe Mullethead and Tits Magee along with E.D. Ceasar want to develop a subterranean health spa and colonic clinic. Or, or, or, they know that bottled aquifer water will sell better than their cheap-ass Two-bits Tits Chardonay they’ve been shillin’ for years.
dale
August 29th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

Luann –
The test question is much more complicated than meets the eye; not that Luann is smart enough to know it.
The “right” answer is probably: that’s when the shooting war started.
The question asks about the importance of the capture of Fort Sumter. That requires a discussion of the importance to the South of controlling the port of Charleston.
The Divine O’F
August 29th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

251 Helena: LOL! And your excellent nom de blog reminds me of one of my late father’s favorite sayings toward the end of his life (back in the early nineties): “We need a bigger handbasket.”
Cedar
August 29th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

#217 If Pastis isn’t careful, I think Pearls Before Swine is going to become the BC of my generation. Think about it–labored pubs, jokes my grandpa used to tell, jaunty trips into insanity. . .
EricSW
August 29th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

A high pulse is all it takes to convict Smitty… Multiple scenarios present themselves, none of which are fit to print in the newspaper. But I’m pretty sure if we saw the actual “stolen” magazines, their content would get Smitty free within the hour.
Herro!
August 29th, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

Sfx: um, instead of asking the doc/lion to take a pulse, how about asking the nurse receptionist/puma/egret/boa constrictor (or whatever the case may be) to check the appointment records and see if Slick Smitty had an appointment that day?

I swear I’m going to submit some of these cases to the authors of my casebooks for inclusion in the next edition. Really, they are no less inane than some of the cases I already have to study!
Anonymous
August 29th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

#256 – Why does Mr. E.D. want the shares?

A-ha, because the underground lake will ~~allow him to tap the land for either one black or one blue mana~~ increase the profits of the winery. Since Sam’s not supposed to know that the winery is going to soon be more profitable (but he does because Mullet spilled the beans to Lolita), he’ll theoretically be fooled into selling his shares at a lower price than they are actually worth, which means Caesar Salad will turn more of a profit on the deal.

For a simpler example, let’s say Sam has 49% ownership of what he THINKS is an apple tree, but Mullet and Caesarian know it’s really a money tree. Plug that into the equation, and it’s easier to solve for illicit profit.
Kate
August 29th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

Skullturf — all LinkedIn has done for me is fill my inbox with emails that say “Message from Iridium Leukozaide: ‘I found you while I was searching my network at LinkedIn. Let’s connect directly, so we can help each other with referrals. If we connect, both of our networks will grow. To add me as your connection, just follow the link below.’” And of course I don’t know who Iridium Leukozaide is and I don’t care.

If you want lots of mail from people you don’t know, just open up a Viagra spam and click “Remove me from this list.” Faster and doesn’t require you to fill out a lot of bio information.
Mibbitmaker
August 29th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

Dingo (with sympathies):

WLIT no doubt stands for “We’re Lousy Ignorant Twits”.

I’m torn between wondering if that homophobic dirty trickster spy woman’s last name is Segretti, or going higher up the Watergate analogy chain and wanting her portrayed as saying, hunch-backed, jowls a-quiver, “I am not a judge!”

Who “judges” these things, anyway, the 2000 Supreme Court?

Somewhere, in a place for dark souls, Mayor Daley, with whichever of his 1968 thugs isn’t still alive, is saying, “Now that’s the Chicago I know!”

(Last Watergatey reference, honest!) Par for the course for the gang at PerfectlyClear Channel.
commodorejohn
August 29th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

9CL – AHH MAKE IT STOP

A3G – Enough already! Tell us what happened to the guy!

A.D. – Um, no, that’s the exact opposite of how it works.

Curtis – Yeah, you tell ‘im, Chutney! Sacrifice your entire youth to make those few extra bucks! Childhood is overrated!

FC – Ripe for parody.

FOOB – April, get out of there, now. They’re starting to get to you.

FW – As if this little world wasn’t nightmarish enough, now there’s talking cats to drive you further over the brink. I don’t know why, but I hate Les nearly as much as I hate Batiuk.

GA – So…is there a reason Clovia’s eyes bug way out when nobody else’s do?

GT – Witness the most static action shots in world history! Action lines notwithstanding, it looks like someone arranged action figures on a sheet of paper and photographed it. And then traced over the photo, really badly.

JP – That’s not an exclamation, Trudi. That’s a question. So you should end it with a question mark.

Luann – Luann is an idiot.

MT – “And I will love her, and squeeze her, and call her Shirley…”

MW – We need a meddlin’ theme song.

PBS – No kidding, dude.

SM – So…yeah, two TV reporters are engaging in more heroics than Spider-Man. Yeah.

Edison Lee – is bonkers enough to think that Clinton-Obama is a viable campaign ticket.
Zamboni_Rodeo
August 29th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

#109, Elly’s Evil Twin: re: (WT)DT

Yes, that is Sen. Kennedy. DT is re-enacting Chappaquiddick.
Jamus The Bartender
August 29th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

144. That was me. I don’t remember the circs, but some of the lyrics went, “Angie baby, you’re a special lady, livin’ in a world of make-believe.” There was also something about a “secret lover who keeps her satisfied.”
Harry F
August 29th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

Can you blame the doctor for the stolen mags? They were probably family heirlooms.

Slick could probably get away with it. “I was napping and all of a sudden, this duck woman was quacking and pointing at me from outside my window. Scared me half to death. Then, there’s this fox. No badge, your honor. Nothing. He’s asking me questions about stolen waiting room magazines. Do you know the resale value on a 1978 Newsweek? Now, there’s this lion taking my pulse or maybe seeing if I was tender enough to eat. Scared me even more. No wonder my pulse was racing.”
Godzooky
August 29th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

For all the complaints about the “Archie” comic strip, check out the cast’s new look in the comic books (scroll halfway down).
Zamboni_Rodeo
August 29th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

Dingo: I feel for ya. That completely sucks. Rest assured that had I been there, I would have been cheering for you.

Perhaps a new t-shirt is in order for the Curmudgeon Cabal? One that says “Dingo was robbed!” maybe?
Big Sims
August 29th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

Call 911! Brother Dingo got robbed!

So sorry Dingo. I think you are a fantastic wit and talent, and wish I could’ve seen it live.

If you won’t accept a trip to Austria by funds cobbled together from the ‘mudges, maybe you might consider a shirt like Zamboni_Rodeo suggested? I’d buy it for you.
Godzooky
August 29th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

Then there’s the old-look Archie and cast (scroll down to “Who’s Who in Riverdale!”)
Big Sims
August 29th, 2007 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

Otherwise I got no snark today. Long day. Dayshifts after weeks of nightshifts is quite discombobulating.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 29th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

Sorry to hear about your disappointing experience with the contest, Dingo. It does sound like you got ripped off.

On to today’s comics:

Shoe. Has any human or bird in the history of the universe ever uttered a sentence as vague as “What do you think of the world situation?” Except to set up an extremely weak joke? Wasn’t there a TDIET sometime in the last few months where somebody said something similarly vague? (Whoops, I accidentally alliterated.) It also reminds me of that New Yorker piece about the conversation at the grownups’ table as imagined by the kids’ table, where a character says “Did you see the politics? It made me angry.”

Mother Goose and Grimm. When Grimmy says “She was my first!”, I assume he means the first tree he ever urinated on. However, maybe I have a dirty mind, but I find this vaguely disturbing, since the expression “She was my first” is typically used in reference to sexual partners, implying some sort of equivalence between peeing on something and making love to it.

And a general remark about the comics: Do any of you have strips that, even if you wouldn’t necessarily call them your favourites (or favorites), have really grown on you in a way that surprises yourself? Strips that you used to have no feeling about whatsoever, but you simply read them out of some desire to be thorough, and then after reading them for a while, it “snuck up” on you that they had somehow become strips you look forward to reading? I find that happens sometimes with strips that don’t necessarily have “punchlines” per se, but that instead offer a quirky little world with interesting characters. For me, two strips that have snuck up on me in that way, and that always make me smile even if they never make me guffaw, are Agnes and Dinette Set.
Keg of Curd
August 29th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

Do you suppose the Plugger lady was asking him to clean the fridge, or to “clean” the “fridge”? Well, I’ve got a feeling it was gonna be rancid cheese for him either way.
Hysterical Woman
August 29th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

I don’t follow 9CL, but the last plot was the ex-nun and the ex-priest falling in love. What the hell is going on now?

And Dingo, I’ll add on to the “you were robbed” pile.
Big Sims
August 29th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

#280 Skulltruf Q. B.
Agnes I dig in that weird way you describe. But indescribably Dinette Set makes me seethe.
Josh
August 29th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

#280 SQB — Agnes is definitely a strip like that for me, as are some others which I never or almost never discuss here, but which I still read every day: Preteena, Baldo, Ballard Street, Mr. Boffo, Willy n’ Ethel, and a few more.

I have a much more complicated relationship with the Dinette Set. I do read it daily, and I’ve come to appreciate the (I think) deliberately crude artwork; I especially like the artist’s almost maniacal need to push as much information into every panel as possible. However, the strip (panel?) as a whole encapsulates a lot of my attitudes about middle-class American suburbia — but then harps on them with such mean-spirited, naked self-satisfied superiority as to make me embarassed about my own opinions. Every time I read it I think, “Well, I don’t like going to the ‘burbs to visit my family, but at least I’m not that openly contemptuous towards the people who live there.” But then I worry that maybe I secretly am.

Josh
Uncle Lumpy
August 29th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

#268 Anonymous –

. . . let’s say Sam has 49% ownership of what he THINKS is an apple tree, but Mullet and Caesarian know it’s really a money tree. Plug that into the equation, and it’s easier to solve for illicit profit.

OK, but that assumes Mr. E.D. Caesar wants to buy minority interest in a winery, albeit one with excellent prospects. Ol’ E.D. doesn’t strike me as much of a oenophile, but let that pass. Why does Keith want to cheat Sam ‘n’ Abbey to take on E.D. as partner, when the man clearly scares him?

And why is E.D. so keen on acquiring a minority interest, unless maybe he’s so confident of his bullyin’ prowess to think he’s a one-man majority wherever he goes? Especially after he’s trained Keith in the fine art of sharp dealing with minority partners, you’d think his thug-man sense would be a-tinglin’.

This is all so, so much more than this plot deserves.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 29th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

I honestly find it difficult to decide whether I think the strip Dinette Set is mocking its characters or celebrating them, and this ambiguousness is part of the appeal for me. I have a similar reaction to the films Waiting for Guffman and Best in Show.
L1
August 29th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

Blondie: Their faces squished together is really freaking me out.
Big Sims
August 29th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

# 280 AND #284 (See Mr. F? Not that hard.)

Although I seethe, I’m still compelled to read every damn word crowded into Dinette Set. Just me n’ my OCD or are y’all the same?
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 29th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

And yes, I know “ambiguity” is a better word than “ambiguousness”…
Big Sims
August 29th, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

By the way, I meant Mr. Fogerty of Luann, not our esteemed Mr. F(able)
Cedar
August 29th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

#280 and 284 I love the strip Agnes, and I like it even more since I wrote a fan email to the cartoonist, and he responded very nicely a few hours later.
True Fable
August 29th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

#290 Big Sims – lol, I wondered about that ( “er? what’d I say?”) but I get you now.

Mr. Fogerty, who was teaching the wrong class anyway!
SecretMargo
August 29th, 2007 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

280: The Notorious S.Q.B. — The strip like that for me is Ballard Street. I used to disinvest a priori due to the unyielding sameness and the squick factor, but recently I’ve gotten to actually look forward to its vignettes of geriatric absurdism. I don’t think I should really analyze this newfound appreciation too deeply, though, as I think it accesses my subconscious, eliciting amusement but nonetheless unnerving me in an edging-toward-the-door-but-still-unable-to-look-away, vaguely Lynchian manner.

Agnes I appreciate in theory, but I can’t get past the art. I can deal with distortion, misalignment, bad perspective, grotesquerie, etc. (I mean, for God’s sake, I’m on record extolling the virtues of Gil Thorp!), but “scribbly” really gets to me. I have the same problem with Preteena.

And re: the GF/PBS thing, I have to put my chips behind GF. I think it’s a character-defined, comfortable world being created there, which makes me like it even when it isn’t all that funny. PBS is frequently very funny, but it lives and dies by its gags, and I prefer the richer palatte in GF (I also prefer to reread Doonesbury or Calvin & Hobbes more than Peanuts or vintage B.C. for the same reason, though I esteem all four highly).
Godzooky
August 29th, 2007 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

And, of course, Dingo wuz robbed. Wonder why WLIT didn’t take gay finalists into account. It’s a “Sound of Music” contest, for cryin’ out loud. Who did they expect to enter, construction workers? (well, maybe Homer)

A suggestion: It’s not an overt discrimination or violent incident, so the newsworthiness is shaky, but maybe contacting Chicago’s main gay-oriented newspaper (the web site doesn’t provide an e-mail address, unfortunately) could help call attention to what happened.

Also, can’t hurt to let Chicago’s main LGBT community center (they have an e-mail) know what’s up. Chances are the people there have good media contacts, too.
Tabby
August 29th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

Jamus, the 70’s must have been some sort of astronomical flux point for really bad songs. There’s a web site somewhere – maybe even something a ‘mudge linked to – that has a list of the worst evah.
It frightens me more than a little that I can remember so many of them. Anyway:

You live your life in the songs you hear
On the rock and roll radio
And when a young girl doesn’t have any friends
That’s a really nice place to go
Folks hoping you’d turn out cool
But they had to take you outta school
You’re a little touched you know, Angie Baby

Lovers appear in your room each night
And they whirl you across the floor
But they always seem to fade away
When your daddy taps on your door
Angie girl, are you all right
Tell the radio good-night
All alone once more, Angie Baby

Angie Baby, you’re a special lady
Living in a world of make-believe
Well, maybe

Stopping at her house is a neighbor boy
With evil on his mind
‘Cause he’s been peeking in Angie’s room
At night through her window blind
I see your folks have gone away
Would you dance with me today
I’ll show you how to have a good time, Angie Baby

When he walks in her room,
He feels confused like he’s walked into a play
And the music’s so loud it spins him around
‘Til his soul has lost its way
And as she turns the volume down
He’s getting smaller with the sound
It seems to pull him off the ground
Toward the radio he’s bound never to be found

The headlines read that a boy disappeared
and everyone thinks he died
‘Cept a crazy girl with a secret lover
Who keeps her satisfied
It’s so nice to be insane
No one asks you to explain
Radio by your side, Angie Baby

Angie Baby, you’re a special lady
Living in a world of make-believe
Well, maybe
Well, maybe
Jana C.H.
August 29th, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

What’s GF?
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 29th, 2007 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

#288 and #290 Big Sims — I thought “Mr. F” was “Mr. Fruhlinger” and was like, “Huh? What sort of number-related gaffe did Josh make?”
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 29th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

#296 Jana C.H. — Get Fuzzy (as opposed to Grue Fable or Gosh Fruhlinger).
Josh
August 29th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

#293 SecretMargo — It’s interesting you say that about PreTeena — I actually find the art in that strip not scribbly, but … sketchy, and I mean that in a good way. The lines strike me as very flowing, and the effect is a little visceral — alone among newspaper strips, I feel like I can sort of see how the pen strokes worked to create the effect. That makes it a little rough around the edges, but I still like the overall effect.

My biggest gripe about PreTeena is that the ages seemed off. I was reading it for months and assumed that Teena was supposed to be a tomboyish 12-year-old, with big sister Jeri 16 or 17, but they’re actually supposed to be 10 and 13, which just seems … off, somehow.

Agnes’ art I find to be more or less meh (though I do like the ludicrously pointy toes). I mostly like the character interaction, and the fact that one of the characters is girl (I think it’s a girl) named Trout.

And someone (I think on this blog) once described Ballard Street as “strange people doing insane things,” which I think sums it up nicely.

Josh
SecretMargo
August 29th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

296: Sorry, I got lazy:

GF=Get Fuzzy
PBS=Pearls Before Swine
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

To the creator(s) of JP & RMMD — As a sorta-lowbrow who watched DALLAS in days of yore, I was never enthralled by the multimillion-dollar business deals. I liked the lyin’, fightin’, flirtin’, cheatin’, ‘n shootin’. If DALLAS had focused relentlessly on high finance, it would have gone down in flames. Hint. Hint.
Godzooky
August 29th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

#296: GF? (just kidding)
SecretMargo
August 29th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

299: I think it is an idiosyncratic pet peeve of mine. I skipped it entirely when the black characters appeared, looking like they had scribbled-in faces but with the middle parts rubbed with an eraser to make the features visible. But I see what you’re saying.

The thing that gets me about Ballard Street is that it is the same strange people doing strange things, yet we learn absolutely nothing about them, day after day. Dinette Set does the same thing, but its info-mania and reliance on cultural references and socially current stereotypes of a certain type of whiteness (for lack of a better designator — I mean the kind of whiteness that’s niether white-trash or WASP) make you feel like you know who these people are. Ballard Street just keeps showing you glimspes of a small, internally consistent, oddly relatable, yet relentlessly cryptic cast of characters that it takes months to realize are actually only about five distinct people rather than a monotonous myriad of generically oddball oldsters. This makes it more unnerving, and more fascinating, to me, though I don’t know why.
Herro!
August 29th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

FBOW Wouldn’t it be awesome if someday we just see John wandering around, a blank look on his face, drool running down his chin, moaning, “Traaaaaaiiiinnnnsssss…..TRRRRAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNSSSS….grunt…”

No jokes, I was in a play years ago that had a young boy in it who was mentally handicapped, much like John, and obsessed with Lionel trains. The actor who played the boy stole the show by saying exactly what you quote John as saying above, with equal enthusiasm, and equal amounts of drool.
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

# 295 — Tammy, I remember the melody to that one perfectly, and the only thing that was saving me was not remembering all the lyrics. Now I’m doomed. What can I do to neutralize this ghastly brainworm…let’s try another brainworm of similar ilk and vintage…ummm…On a pony she named Wildfire, with a whirlwind by her siiiiide…

Actually, I spent some irreplaceable minutes of my life back in the day trying to figure out if either the geography or meteorology of that latter song could possibly make any sense. They don’t.
beergoggles
August 29th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

mark trail’s movie trailer – the narration
—
in a world she didn’t make
Shirley mallard – she’s not your ordinary duck
she’s been waiting for what seems like weeks, months
set up her nest in a construction zone
a danger place for a duck and her brood
like she doesn’t have anything to live for
gaining the trust of men who are oddly protective of this one duck while destroying her habitat
she’s waiting for the one man that can save her
mark trail
but this isn’t a home for Shirley–not without her mate
it’s a trap
for the man who killed her mate
Shirley is out to kill Mark Trail
Mark Trail vs the hypnoduck
coming soon
beergoggles
August 29th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

foob – two quick thoughts
one – my first thought about today, is that daddy’s there to do a ‘Rex Morgan’ on his own daughter
driving her around pointless, until she’s finally done talking out her adventures on the farm and suddenly realizing that they’re not home yet
-dear, your mother and I have decided that you should help take care of your grandfather instead of stay with us in that small house… you’re stuff is already in their apartment…
-dear, while you were away, I decided that your room would make a better workshop for my trains…
-dear, your sister Elizabeth has trade you for Anthony’s daughter, you’re going to be living with Therese in the City now…
-dear, there’s this wonderful guy who says ‘hooo’ I really think is a fine fellow for you to date…
-dear, your mother doesn’t want anyone who ‘rides horses’ a lot in her house anymore… it makes a girl, well a slut… you’ll be moving in with Micheal…

two, but then, since the end is so close, this hybrid crap needs a frame work…
-dad and April are bonding over what a bitch Elly is and how he’s going to indulge his daughter’s whims, helping her avoid the mistakes that he let elly do with his other children
-as they’re driving along, a trailer truck of maple syrup sudden jack-knife in front of them
-they plow into a sweet, sticky death
-we cut back to Elly who suddenly perks up, ‘I feels a change in the force… and I like it’
-starting Monday, Michael starts telling his kids what an evil jerk his father was and what a mistake April was and feature all the strips before April corrupted things and his father was an idiot
Tabby
August 29th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

I’m so sorry! Do consider the infection returned, because now I’ll be stuck with the loop

“busted down his staaahl. In a blizzard he was lost”

Brain bleach
I need brain bleach.

Really, what WAS is about the 70’s?
beergoggles
August 29th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

MW – short thought – please, let another of Drew’s doctor buddies going to ask him if he’s enjoying screwing that mental case, Vera Shields, and how that can cost him his career among other things
Helena Handbasket
August 29th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

#271, commodorejohn: How’s this for a MW meddling theme song?

“Meddlin’, meddlin’, meddlin’
Bad advice I’m peddlin’
I just can’t stop meddlin’,”
She cried.
“Through all kinds of break-ups,
heartaches and make-ups,
I get involved in people’s lives.”

“Talk it out, mess it up,
Mess it up, talk it out,
Talk it out, mess it up,
He lied!
Kick him out, take him back,
Take her back, work it out,
Work it out, mess it up,”
She cried!
AeroSquid
August 29th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

Terror at 33,0000 feet !

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1040/1271533434_dfdb4865be_o.jpg
SecretMargo
August 29th, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

Poteet, Tabby, I’ll just leave you with this:

“I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name…”

I’m sure you can fill in the rest (*evil laugh) (my parents stil have the 8-track to this).

This seems as relevent as that Helen Reddy song for April to be humming on her return, come to think of it. Why is it feminist for her to visit her relatives in the countryside? I’m reminded of that Ani DiFranco lyric “every move I make is a woman’s movement,” or the classic Onion headline Women Now Empowered By Everything a Woman Does. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Lynn is never less feminist than when she’s thinking she’s totally girl-powering it up (see also: the early years of Dee and Mike’s marriage).
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

# 308 — BWAHAHA! Sorry about that, Tabby. Yes, you’ve got the whining drawl of that song down perfectly. And to the best of my knowledge, no sane horse ever “busted down his stall” because of a “killing frost.” Someone was smoking a little too much weed when he wrote that one.

I’m glad you didn’t post the link to the bad 70s song site, because I’d be drawn like a moth to the flame.
Jamus The Bartender
August 29th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

295. Damn. Very cool. I near as forgot about the story in that song.
And Anne Murray is doing hypno-therapy today.
Damn.
Zamboni_Rodeo
August 29th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

Because I love you guys so much, I am posting a little FOOB-inspired Photoshoppery for your enjoyment. It came to me as if in a… well, not a dream, exactly. More like an LSD-infused nightmare.

We can’t stop here! This is FOOB country!
chemprof
August 29th, 2007 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

Just wanted to pop in and say thanks to everyone for their support and kind words on the yesterthread after my frustrated rant about yesterday’s FW. Fortunately, it’s not in my local paper so I don’t have to read it (and I conciously haven’t been reading it online, and it was one I used to read regularly). But I can’t resist everyone’s comments on other comics at the Curmudgeon, so I know I’m likely to run into it occasionally, and that’s cool.

I mean, it’s incredibly great to be reading Judge Parker one day, and say to yourself…..”my God! The boobs in this comic? Is that crazy or what?” and then come here and find like minded folks. Oh, wait, maybe that’s just scary… ;-)

Back to the latest snark…..!
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 29th, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

Well I’ll never initial anything again. The Mr. F gaffe was enough for a while. It’s my damn military training, it’s a flipping alphabet soup in the United States Coast Guard.

This may have been asked before, but what is everyones favorite comic. Not strips in the dailies, but graphic novels (or whatever the kids are callin’ em these days). I’m a big fan of Gonnicks Cartoon History of the Universe, Speigeman’s Maus and Gorey’s Amphagory II.

Has this ground been covered already?
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

# 312 — SecretMargo, thanks so much. I really needed another brainworm to compete with the first two. Now my desperate subconscious will formulate a song about a crazy girl who melts down a pony and keeps him in her radio so she can sometimes take him out for long rides in the desert.

And speaking of strange girl-power ballad/laments, I once read an essay by someone trying to figure out the age of the protagonist of “That’s The Way I Always Heard It Should Be,” according to the inconsistent clues in the song. And another writer tried to figure out the meaning of “clouds in my coffee” in “You’re So Vain.”

Much of what happened back then is inexplicable now. At one point, I made a serious (unsuccessful) attempt to learn The Hustle.
Tabby
August 29th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

Pornstash, pornstash, candle light
Doin’ the reception and doin’ it right in the evenin’
It’s pretty pleasin’
Retconed Liz and , Retconed Grandth
Ran away from the tent and party
To the lake, what will it take?

And they whirl and they twirl but not tango
Liz needs more retconed dance skills-o
Float like the heavens above
Looks like Pornstash Love

Nibblin’ on burgers
Chewin’ on casserole
Granthony says to Liz
would you please be my Mistress
Liz says,

That’s gotta be the very worst song, ever, and if I could do better with the whole lyrics thing, a perfect fit for this miserable couple.

Only good thing about the trainwreck this thing has become is that it lead me here & y’all have been so much fun!
erikagwen
August 29th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

#238 Hilarious! Laughed so loud I woke the dog!
AeroSquid
August 29th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

Funky French Product Placement. (Hey ! The Funk ain’t free ! Someone’s gotta pay !)

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1252/1271725448_b3600ae131_o.jpg
erikagwen
August 29th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

oh another thing,

#316 I agree with yesterday’s FW rant. I’m currently in the wait and watch group with my mom so I totally understand the feeling of the bile rushing up when you read the strip the other day.
SecretMargo
August 29th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

Oh Big Sims. I think we haven’t broached this because we knew it might spell the beginning of the end of Josh’s bandwidth capacity.

Regardless, here’s mine (with categories!):

English, long series: The Sandman
English, shorter (single book-length) form: tie — Fun Home and Persepolis

Japanese, long series: 20th Century Boys [Urasawa Naoki]
Japanese, shorter: tie — Beautiful World [Yamada Naito] and Helter Skelter [Okazaki Kyoko]

I will leave it that. Après moi, le déluge
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 29th, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

All the Asterix books.
Godzooky
August 29th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

Have to be careful when it comes to musical tastes. At a family occasion, was playing and goofing on a CD called “’70s Party Killers” (includes “The Night Chicago Died”, “(You’re) Having My Baby” and “Feelings”, you get the idea), when I realized some of them were my cousin’s wife’s favorite songs and the mockery was bugging her. However, the 70s were the Perfect Storm for cheesy music. This wasn’t on the CD, but my vote for cheesiest is “You Light Up My Life” by Debby Boone.

P.S. Did a quick search for “Wildfire” on Ares. Did you know there’s an almost-9 minute version of the song?
Uncle Lumpy
August 29th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

Anybody remember “Unborn Child” by Seals and Crofts? Squick to the max.
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 29th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

#323 SecretMargo – Totally unfamiliar with the publications, but as I am becoming familiar with your style and impeachable good taste I am intrigued and will hunt them down and spend WAY TOO MUCH MONEY on purchasing them.

#324 Skullturf Q. Beavispants – I love, and wish I’d mentioned, the Asterix books! Also a big fan of Tintin too.
AeroSquid
August 29th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

Billy’s new ringtone:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1028/1271038731_eaeb2beb9e_o.jpg
Harold
August 29th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

I’m kinda loving the Mills Brothers reference in Family Circus.
Dik-Dik Vendetta
August 29th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

258, 261, 262: I’ll wager a steaming cup o’ hot monkey that the “lake” under the vineyard is good ol’ fashioned Texas Tea and all this T&A is lined up to fight for the drilling rights.
Tabby
August 29th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

Gotta go read a couple chapters of these crazy “Guardians of Gahoole” owl books we’ve been into lately, but here’s a site with some of the worst from the 70’s. I loved some of these songs, but, hey, I was like 13!

Loved everything Alison Bechdel I’ve ever seen – such an expressive artist & the tiny throw-away details are awesome! – been meaning to read “Fun Home”, but I seem to be stuck with these wretched owls (they were kinda cool the first 3 or 4 books, but this is, like 14 or something) Sigh. The things we do for kids!
Whippersnapper
August 29th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

#234: “The strip’s current storyline will be interlaced with Michael’s remembrances until it gradually reaches a natural closing stage sometime early next year. When that happens, time will stop for the extended Patterson family, but not their stories.”

Dear God, am I reading this correctly? Does this mean that the time freeze will not happen until some time next year? And that therefore, the lackluster courtship of Lizthony will continue until that time? NONONONONONONO!!!! It was supposed to stop in September! Promises were made!
Tabby
August 29th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

ok, sorry, my whole post is a link – just click anywhere!! That’s what happens when your trying to mulit just one task too many!
andreavis
August 29th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

#313 Poteet– my favorite quote about “Wildfire” is from Dave Barry, which I paraphrase: a “killing frost” is only dangerous to tender plants, so unless Wildfire is a tomato plant, he’s really not in any danger.
Godzooky
August 29th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

#317 Big Sims re: graphic novel/comic book favorites:

Graphic Novels, completed series/stories: Sandman, Watchmen, Dark Knight Returns, Kingdom Come, Concrete (classics all and yes, I’m partial to super-hero books)

GN collections, ongoing series: Fables (in GN form, highly addictive; my sister and niece read through the first five in one weekend and are still hounding me for more)

GN collections, unfinished symphonies: Age of Bronze (great depiction of the Trojan War, but only up to the second book, with a long way to go), Stray Bullets (sick, twisted noirish stories, but stopped dead in its tracks with an uncompleted main storyline since David Lapham’s child was born and he lined up work with mainstream publishers), Planetary (towards the end, issues came out months apart as Warren Ellis worked on 20 other projects; apparently ended, but I read somewhere there might be one more issue to tie up loose ends, hopefully sometime during this decade)

As for monthly/weekly comic books, I’ve tried to get more selective, but I still get too many to list here. I do want to put in the good word for Joss Whedon’s “Astonishing X-Men” and Bill Willingham’s “Fables” and “Jack of Fables.”
Topliff
August 29th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

312, 318

OK – vs. the lyrics of Fiona Apple which are less muddled – “I certainly haven’t been shopping for any new shoes.”

“That’s the way I’ve Always Heard it Should Be” – easy. Child-bearing age woman. College friends married with their own lives. She lives at home with whacko dad and meddling mom. Has smothering boyfriend that wants her to move out and have kids. She’s conflicted. How old is Elizabeth exactly? FOOB anthem.
Harold
August 29th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

I’m currently at least 204 comments behind, and I need to go to bed soon. So I’ll just post this link to a story about an incident last year involving a local construction project that was stopped by a nesting duck. (I have no idea why the only reference I can find to an incident in Edwardsville, Pennsylvania is on a Tampa Bay, Florida newspaper’s website.)

http://www.tampabays10.com/news/national/article.aspx?storyid=30469
Christopher
August 29th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

Does anybody else think that John looks like Little Nemo?
alamo
August 29th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

dingo — i am so sorry to hear what happened to you. no one should be treated like that. maintain good karma. it is so tempting to give in to the darkside when things like this happen. you are among friends who support you and who care about you. stay steady. you will get your trip sometime. or better.
alamo
August 29th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

foobville follies — april says, “i am woman hear me roar.” roar is right with those thunder thighs. they are deafening!
Josh
August 29th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

#317 Big Sims — Love, love, love the Cartoon History of the Universe series. So great. (Did you know a new volume came out last year? Smaller format, alas, but still good.) They’re all awesome; the section running from, say, the entrance on the scene of Julius Caesar to the end of the Jewish Revolt in 70 AD is just sublime.

Josh
brb
August 29th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy et al – In decoding Jugs Parker, if we take Keith at his word the winery needs additional capital in order to expand. This would not happen either by Sam selling his shares, or Keith & Trudi selling some of theirs, regardless of price. The only way to accomplish this in a corporate structure (outside of a loan) would be to issue new stock, in which case the capital would flow to the corporation, and the percentage ownership of the existing stockholders would be reduced.

My best interpretation is that Caesar agreed to buy a mix of new and Sam & Abby’s stock for a fixed average price, which would result in his owning 49% and the winery getting new capital sufficient to expand. If Sam demands a higher price, then he will pay less for the new shares and there will not be enough new capital unless they sell him even more new stock, which will increase his ownership share to 50%+.

Unanswered questions include what Caesar really wants, since he is clearly an Evil Developer; why Keith was so eager to do business with Caesar, to the point that he did not even approach his existing shareholders to discuss the need for additional capital, or discuss it with his sister; and how Sophie will save the day.

I wish I could remember the circumstances under which Sam and Abby invested in the winery. I just have this gut feeling that the scenario was almost exactly the same – Keith being an idiot/jerk, and Sam and/or Abby stepping in to save the winery while calming the waters between Keith and Trudi.

And yes, I’ve thought about this way too much.
Poison Ivory
August 29th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

Should I be concerned by the fact that I have now become so familiar with the “logic” of Slylock Fox that the solutions are instantly obvious to me? On the other hand, the next time I encounter some anthropomorphic-animal-related crime, I am set.
brb
August 29th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

Oh, and somewhere in there Keith said that Caesar was going to give them the money to buy out Sam & Abby, not that Caesar was going to buy their shares. I’m not sure what if any significance to place on this fact.
Harold
August 29th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

PeteMoss @ 145 – is that “iff” a typo? Or is that a mathematics joke? (Iff = “if and only if”)
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 29th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

Josh,
Is the new series Europe discovering the Americas? Where does it leave off? If you’re into historical comics, check out Chester The Crab. It’s somewhat geared towards kids, but still lovely. I read it when I was living in Va. in the Daily Press, and my lovely wife got me some of the books as a (Christmas? Birthday? Just being Me?) present. The Author/Artist’s name escapes me, but I recall he’s another Harvard grad, just like Gonick. It’s nice to think that something quality comes from Harvard.

Apologies to all who call Harvard their Alma Mater.
Uncle Lumpy
August 29th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

OK, to sum up, one or more of the following is true:

1) Keith is an idiot, and Caesar will end up owning and trashing the winery

2) Caesar is an idiot, and Keith will thank him very much for his money and run the winery as he and Trudi want

3) The author is an idiot, for imagining this narrative to be coherent

4) I am an idiot, for trying to analyze the deal structure in Judge Parker

I gotta go with “all of the above.”
SecretMargo
August 29th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

327: Biggie Sims, I’m sure you meant unimpeachable good taste, but I had fun thinking of what impeachable good tastes I may have. Considering that the last time we got close to impeaching anyone it was over a blowjob, I may be in more trouble than I first imagined.

Re: my list — if you liked Maus, I think you’d definitely appreciate the tone and complexity of my two shorter English selections. You’d also probably like the two shorter Japanese ones too, but I confess that they may be unavailable in English (I’ve only seen them advertised in French online). But there’re probably bootlegs out there, so persevere, they’re cool.
anonymous
August 29th, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

FC: Maybe someone’s already brought this up, but does anybody else wonder why Billy, who is somewhere around the age of 6, would make reference to a song from the 1930s? Why would he even know about it? Personally, I had NO idea what he was doing with the self-texting and the music notes swirling around his head until my mother explained it to me. Unless I’m just musically ignorant… Maybe the parents have the kids listening to old stuff like this to avoid the satanic influences of Kidz Bop.
Jym Reddy
August 29th, 2007 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

=v= Foob: For all we know, there’s some sort of hippity-hop “rap” junk remake mashup of “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar” that all the young hepcats are bebopping to. Either that or the song’s on an infinite loop, stuck in the 8-track deck in Lynn Johnston’s crevasse.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 29th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

Big Sims @ 317: I’m a big fan of Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns, and I was impressed by Sandman the one time I read it, but I only read it once and that was a while ago, so I can’t call it a favorite based on such fuzzy memories. So I have to give the title of my favorite to Cerebus. Not all of Cerebus (and definitely not the late, misogynistic, religious-loony Cerebus). Mostly the middle, from “Church & State” up through “Guys.” The Roach is brilliant.
PeteMoss
August 29th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

345 Harold

It was a typo. I meant to type “iiif.”
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 29th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Myself @ 351: You forgot all about manga, you numbskull! And you call yourself an otaku! Anyway, I like Genshiken quite a bit, though I enjoyed the anime first, so I can’t really give the manga an unbiased evaluation. Strictly for the manga themselves, I liked Planetes a lot; it’s a hard-SF story, and at a complete story in five volumes, it’s quite affordable for someone just dipping their toes in the water. But my favorite manga by far is Death Note. Tense, gripping, cerebral, philosophical and spooky all at once. It kind of falls apart at the end, but the personalities of the characters and the situation they’ve gotten themselves into would allow no other ending. And the first half is damn good reading.
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

# 331 — Yes, Tabby, my moth wings are frying. I was sort of doing okay with that list (”okay” meaning “mildly nauseated but not urgently so”) until I came to “Precious and Few” by “Climax,” which I had mercifully forgotten, UNTIL NOW.

# 332 — HAR!! Whippersnapper, I share your pain. A lot of us are going to share your pain. Yes, I think you are reading that correctly, because that same ghastly information appeared in a less specific form several weeks ago. I went through my first rant then, but more will follow. You are right, September was supposed to mark a significant reduction in our collective Foob suffering. But noooo, Lynn couldn’t even give us that much.

# 334 — Thank you, thank you, Andreavis. I needed that. I also question whether a blizzard would really follow right after a killing frost, and there’s no Yellow Mountain in Nebraska either, as far as I can tell. And if the song narrator planted by the dark of the moon and then “there came an early snow,” wouldn’t that mean he was planting in the fall? What crop would he be planting in the fall in Nebraska, and would he really expect to harvest it before snow came? If so, did he have mental problems? And did those mental problems further cause him not to plan well enough to have anything else to eat while he was waiting for his bizarrely fall-planted crop to produce food? And if he didn’t starve to death, why else would an early snow and a presumed crop failure kill him? Yes, he and that girl and that pony make a fine ghostly trio — they’re all loony. Um, not that I sound entirely sane myself.
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

# 336 — Topliff, good points. She’s still living with her mom and dad, and she says her friends from college are all married now. But she also says “their children hate them for the things they’re not.” Children don’t usually start doing that until they are at least about eight or nine, right? (Older, actually, I would really hope.) So even if her friends married and had kids immediately after college, which seems kind of unlikely, that would mean she’s been living with Mom and Dad, post-graduation, for about a decade, which seems a bit much for the Seventies, when young people were more economically able and likely to get their own apartments not that long after leaving college. And if her friends have houses and lawns, that seems to indicate they are making enough money to do that. So, if she graduated from a similar college and comes from a similar background, why couldn’t she at least afford her own apartment? And since she’s lamenting that she’ll never learn to be just her first, by herself, why is she still living with….

*enter the carefully-smiling people with the straightjacket*
Herro!
August 29th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

MW Thurs: Uh-oh…Drew’s about to find out the hard way…you never, ever, under any circumstances give personal information to the Meddler!
Poteet
August 29th, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

# 355 — Straitjacket. Good night.
SecretMargo
August 29th, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

8.30 FBoFW — More telling, less showing, again, some more.

I, for one, would much rather endure panel after panel of April elbow-deep in horse intestine than be subjected to even one more glimpse of Elly’s Grand Guignol dinner table and the Patterspray of foodstuffs that shower down upon it like chunky, oily viscera from the flayed corpses of their lives.

357: Poteet: straightjacket=June’s little nickname for the condom she wisely makes Rex wear when he grudgingly performs his marital duties once every five years.
Tommy Smarts
August 29th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

I am looking forard to more adventures of “Le Scat Bleu” a.k.a. “The Blue Poo” — perhaps Les will wake up some morning to find it camped out on top of Lisa’s breathless face.
Harold
August 29th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

Anonymous 349, the explanation is simple: when I was Billy’s age, back around 1975, my parents listened to the local “easy listening”station which played mostly music from the 30’s, 40’s, and the pre-rock 50’s, as well as easy listening stuff of the 60’s and 70’s. I know all the most popular Mills Brothers and Andrews Sisters and Jim Reeves songs, and I think my childhood experience is richer for it. Since Billy was the same age as me back then, that was also his experience.

Now cell phones are the norm, and Billy is still that same age. So, drawing on his full lifetime of experience all at the same age, he can easily cross a Mills Brothers song with a cell phone text message without having to account for the intervening years.
Mel
August 29th, 2007 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

Secret Margo, Godzooky and Spider-Brick

Have any of you read “Bone”?

I recommend it.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 29th, 2007 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

#358 SecretMargo — Re Thursday’s FOOB, for me this once again underscores why I find April to be pretty much the only likable character. There’s something sweet and endearing about her enthusiasm for wanting to be a vet, and the fact that she’s unfazed by the prospect of discussing animal guts during dinner suggests she’s got the earthiness and nonsqueamishness that someone who operates on animals would need.

BTW, notice the “H8″ in the first panel, pronounced “hate”? Is there something subconscious going on there?
Brown-eyed Girl
August 30th, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

I hadn’t really thought of the 70s as the Decade of Musical Dreck, but then I try to think about the 70s as little as possible. I am deeply disturbed that I know the lyrics to all of the *cough* songs mentioned in this thread.

Dingo, I’m truly sorry you has such a rotten experience at the contest. May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in their armpits.
Skulking on the Outskirts
August 30th, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

Hey, Dingo: Nothing to say except that it utterly sucks that you were cheated out of your rightful win. I’m really sorry. I hope those homophobic jerks get their heads torn off and handed to them by all the people who saw so clearly what was really going on.
SecretMargo
August 30th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

362: S to the Q to the B: I totally agree, which makes even more aggravating that we can’t experience the Manitoban merriment with her amongst the horses and other beasties. Instead, it all has to be retrospective and revolve around the static non-drama of home. A few Iris-n-Boxgrampa strips couldn’t be bumped to make room?

As for the H8 — I’ve suspected that Lynngineering secretly does the backgrounds for FOOB since the #2 incident at the telethon. This may well confirm it.

Wheels within wheels, I tell ya. CC’s waters run deep.
Rainbird
August 30th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

#65 Evan I assumed that April was on a train, which does have wider ailes.

#74 Trilobite Perhasp they have to have some players dress up as others, because they can’t afford to pay more for extras.

76 Krazy Kat My daughter Huntingbyrd, who is about April’s age, says she has never heard the phrase nor does she know the song.

I, however, know the “I’m going to sit right down and write myself a leftter” because it was the sort of music my mother, who is 89, whould listen to. Unless Jeffy learned it on the retro trip to hell this month.

#77 jmarkow all the more reason to think she has taken a train. There you can walk right out on the platform without a ticket, at least in our part of California.

#96 Artist formerly known as Ben What I want to know is what country or area the Dadwoods live in that a) have a mail carrier who still walks the beat in the suburbs and b) arrives before Dagwood, who has to commute to let’s say, a 9am job in the city, would be running out the door. Did the post every come that early in the morning?

#167 mattt well, I understood FC, but I didnt’ think it was funny, even though I knew of the song and gasp, knew was testing was. Who in goddess’s green earth would give a 6 year old their $500 iPhone is what I don’t understand.

#203 SecretMarg I read Mamma too, and didn’t get it. She wants him to own the dress? it seems to be the only garment he has in his closet, does he even know what a closet it?

#220 andreavis and schools in California, unless they are new, don’t have air conditioning either. I remember even my college didn’t have air conditioning, and I always hated Sept classes. Actually, that was one of the artguments for not having year-round schools in L.A., that for the most part the schools were too old to have air conditioing.

#323 SecretMargo I too loved the Sandman series and Fun Home and Persepolis. In fact, I was just rereading Persepolis I, II and Emborderies, the other day.
Rainbird
August 30th, 2007 at 12:20 am [Reply]

the Phantom Thursday, we find what evil the child is doing, he is drawing. What, the world will have more artists in the world. No, they must all be doctors and lawyers. More lawyers.
True Fable
August 30th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

#354 Poteet, my Queen! – I think Michael Martin Murphy (my ex used to roll with them, so this is first-hand hearsay!) might have been thinking of the sort of late blizzards like the one we had here one April – caught everyone off guard – and the kind of late frosts we have that mess up the peach and nut tree blossoms in the springtime. But without those unusual exceptions, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
Rainbird
August 30th, 2007 at 12:24 am [Reply]

SM And now we see the awesome Shocker put his hands together like a bunny-wabbit to send his nasty vigrations.

and re-reading the Phantom, I see it is a girl cartoonis. Ah, they fear the another Lynn Johnson. No wonder the mom’s upset.
Bobdog
August 30th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

MT – It would be much more awesome if Homer was wearing a furry hat and unbeknownst to him he was a direct descendant of Genghis Khan.

Also, there’s no way that’s a real duck. Even Stephen Pastis can draw a more convincing duck than that.
Poteet
August 30th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

# 358 — Good one, SecretMargo. And I’m glad we don’t have to see Rex’s frowny face when he’s forced to do the deed.

# 368 — True Fable, your ex used to roll with the Wildfire singers? I’m agog. I still think it should have been “late snow” instead of “early snow,” which is how an April snow/blizzard is described here, but I shall quit quibbling and work on getting my brain to re-forget “Precious and Few.”

DT — For the love of God, would someone connected with this wretched strip give these characters normal fingers before I totally crack? Thank you.

PLUGGERS — I’m pretty sure it’s illegal in at least one town near me to drive with a dog in the back of a pickup where it can easily be thrown out and killed, so I hope this Plugger will get a ticket for each dog and lots of dirty looks.

FW — Batiuk, your using an ugly cat with a hostile expression as your depression symbol is one more reason why I now read your strip primarily to remind myself of how glad I am that there are better strips. What did cats ever do to you?

And now I really will leave. Have fun, you late-nighters.
Mibbitmaker
August 30th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

THREAD THEME #1: Dorky ’70s songs. I happen to like most of them (loathe the likes of Muskrat Love {Capt. & Tennile version}, You Light Up My Life, and the gruesome DOA and Timothy, though). I know they’re silly, but there my silly, dangit! 1974 was particularly loaded with dorky-but-fun material.

THREAD THEME #2: Comic books/graphic novels. I’m thrilled that there’s a nice contingent of indy fans here. I never cared about superheroes and have grown to resent them. My core favorites in the beginning of my comic book resurgence were Bone, Cerebus, and Strangers in Paradise. I’m not a fan of Dave Sim’s male chauvinism or loopy theories of later periods, nor the occasional misandry in SIP, but those 3 were my main group. Also read Patty Cake, The Maxx (some superhero parodies are okay — some), Box Office Poison, and some others. Nowadays, I love Local (#10 of 12 just came out), Amelia Rules!, Boneyard, Kabuki (just started regular following of it with the current series), Finder, and like with Kabuki, I’ve started Castle Waiting with the new arc.
bats :[
August 30th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

371. But Poteet! The night is young, the delusions are feline! Okay, too feline:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1272810563/
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 30th, 2007 at 1:05 am [Reply]

I don’t care what anyone says, I think the cat in FW is adorable.

Thursday Crock: At this late (early?) hour, I momentarily thought the second speech bubble said “Did you clean the goat penis?”
Jana C.H.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:12 am [Reply]

I have loved Cartoon History of the Universe ever since I first read it in comic book form back in the 1970s. Gonick is the Will Cuppy of our day– with pictures!

And I know everyone’s been raving about Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home, but it deserves it. Comic book fandom in general doesn’t seem to have taken to it, but that’s all right; the boys can keep their men in tights and women with boobs as big as their heads. This is literature– with pictures AND maps!

I also enjoyed Pyongyang by Guy Delisle, but I’ve always had a weakness for travel tales, especially to Asia. And Persepolis, with its deceptively simple art, is another travel tale, telling of journeys both physical and emotional.

Jana C.H.
Seattle
Saith Simone Andrus: Geographers make the world go ’round.
Bobdog
August 30th, 2007 at 1:13 am [Reply]

374 – I assume it was just because you had already put the idea in my head, but that’s exactly what I saw when I first clicked on your link. But in any case, it makes the strip much funnier than what would otherwise just be a rather dull poop joke.
Bobdog
August 30th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

375 – And don’t forget: Geography, it’s everywhere!
Skulking on the Outskirts
August 30th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

Went to the link provide by Gal Friday (thanks, G.F.!) and wrote a formal-like request for an inquiry into wtf went on that night. Hope it helps, Dingo.

On the ‘Dinette Set’ topic–all I can say is that it annoys me so much, I can’t leave it alone. Weird.
Mibbitmaker
August 30th, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

Earl-30 Rock-Office Day:

FOOB: Yadda Yadda Yadda… I like the final joke, though.

FW: “Oh, gowan, helmet-head: KILL ‘er! How selfish can you be to not have her snuffed out by now? Embrace death, Embraaaaaacccccce… (What does Albert Pinkham Ryder got that I ain’t got?) …Deeeeeeeeeeeattthhh….”

S-M: In JJJ…JJ-ese, you might say JJJ and Maria are in… cahoots!

FC: “…. You just blew my mind, Jeffy!”

S4th: I sure hope somebody in Gasoline Alley is keeping Slim from seeing this week’s strips!

H&L: ‘Cause Paris Hilton is his hero!

WoI: Now Tom Batiuk is writing news copy for Id.
Non Compost Mentos
August 30th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

Wow…I somehow managed to be an adolescent in the 70’s and yet somehow remain relatively unaware of “Angie Baby”…had to go to the interwebs to find it, and then I recognized the tune, but still, I’d never paid much attention to the lyrics. Kind of wish that had remained the case, really. On the other hand, I did find this astonishingly mediocre 1976 animated cartoon.

“Muskrat Love,” on the other hand…now there’s three minutes of pure, distilled evil.

Favorite comics: OK, I know we’ve all mentioned Maus, but I also have to rave a bit in praise of Voyager Software’s 1994 The Complete Maus CD-ROM version, sadly long out of print. For my money ($30 on ebay a few years back), it’s one of the few multimedia projects that really took full advantage of the available technology. Even now, it feels like a revolutionary way of reading a text–for just about every page of the comic, you can find multiple drafts and sketches, audio commentary by Spiegelman, and audio excerpts (plus transcripts) of Spiegelman’s interviews with his father, Vladek. I’d read the books several times before I found the CD-ROM, so the first time I heard the real Vladek’s voice speaking the dialogue that’s in the comic, I got a bit teary-eyed. And then there’s the scene near the end of Maus II where Vladek finds the cigar box of old family photos–”Anja’s parents, the grandparents, her big sister Tosha, Little Bibi, and our Richieu…all what is left, it’s the photos.” A number of the pictures depicted in that scene are included in a family tree appendix–and again, seeing the real faces of Spiegelman’s family is very moving. (Note to Tom Batiuk: You want to see how to depict human tragedy without wallowing in bathos, treating your characters like puppets, or showing sheer contempt for your readers? Take a look at Maus, you smirking hack!)

Looks like I know what I’ll be re-reading over the next few days.
Jana C.H.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:26 am [Reply]

P.S. To all superhero fans: I have an entire collection of comic books featuring men in tights (Marvels from 1965 to 1982), so don’t take my comment about “the boys” and their comics too seriously.

I never could stand the balloon boobs, though, and I’m bisexual. For some sexy cartoon boobs sized and shaped like real women’s breasts try this:
http://dykestowatchoutfor.com/dtwof-episode-511

JcH
Tommy Smarts
August 30th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

Blondie: I had always assumed that Dagwood enjoyed a closer-than-usual relationship with his mailman, given how delivery service has sometimes even extended up into Dagwood’s bubble bath sanctuary. It had always smacked of that British public-school “I’ll dry yours if you’ll dry mine” sensibility. That Dagwood requires a bit of “role play” in these bathroom deliveries is not such a surprise — that Blondie herself hasn’t figured it out is one.
Skulking on the Outskirts
August 30th, 2007 at 1:46 am [Reply]

373, bats:{ Ha, when I was reading the first speech bubble from the cat (feedmefeedmefeedme) suddenly I was hearing it in my head to the ‘badger-badger-badger-badger’ beat. Anybody remember that link? It’s weirdly mesmerizing.

….uh, the relevance? Errr….none, actually. I just…uh, nice photoshop. Thanks.
Leu
August 30th, 2007 at 1:50 am [Reply]

Pluggers- What do the dog Pluggers think of the bear Pluggers keeping dogs as pets? Is this like some form of indentured servitude of the Plugger world?
Jym Reddy
August 30th, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

=350= Foob (Moi): Okay, to test my theory about a modernized version of the Helen reddy tune, I chose a random sample of young’n’s who were about April’s age and asked them if they felt like women and if they would roar.

So anyway, the judge says I now have to go tell all my neighbors I’m a sexy fender.
Dingo
August 30th, 2007 at 2:30 am [Reply]

Ooooooookay. I take a day off to go into Chicago for a chiropractic adjustment and dinner with the BF and now it’s time to get back to comics. This just in, the newest segment of Kyle’s Bed & Breakfast (perhaps NSFW). K’s B&B is like a telenovela for gays set in a Long Island bed and breakfast. For some reason, even in the most inane conversations at least one man has to be drawn in nothing more than underwear, something you’d never see in Hi and Lois or Family Circle. In many ways, it could be said to be a throwback to the Apt. 3G of the mid-sixties when the girls flounced around the apartment in negligees and foot powder. If you click on this particular episode (#212), the man in the wheelchair isn’t Stan Lee’s most recent hero but a computer tech injured in a building collapse on 9/11. His boyfriend is a local mechanic and former firefighter who lost his partner on 9/11. Lance is a gadabout who sleeps with anyone who makes eye contact with him or shares coffee in a meeting… the Dr. Drew Cory of the strip.

All that’s missing in a soccer-playing nun, a pornstached businessman in a white suit who keeps saying, “Hidalgo!” and a dying child in a hospital waiting room whose parents are in Puerto Vallarta on holiday.
True Fable
August 30th, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

Thursday snark!

Luann Would someone please bitch slap Bernice? She is getting on my last nerve.
MT He named the duck after his ex-wife? She didn’t happen to waddle when she walked, did she?
MW Mary’s got the signal… she’s winding up… She’s about to throw Drew a curve ball!
RMMD They won’t find Peter…. but Rex Morgan, P.I. will! Rex, how’d that other career work out for you? That one involving medicine and tests and prescriptions and billing? Remember that one? Why don’t you, um… go back to it.
TDIET The thing that fascinates me about TDIET is how many 65-year-old couples have 10-year-old and younger children. 65-year-old really, really unattractive couples.
JP Wonder what Paris is like this time of day?
FW well, if we have to have the attention on the Moore household, at least it’s spent staring at a talking cat and a guy who’s tripping out on Pepto-Bismol.
FBoFWnot only learned the art of pigging out from her mother, she’s also learned to accompany the slopfest with interesting if wholly inappropriate dinner conversations at the table, too.
FC I can’t tell if Grandma’s advising Jeffy to get drunk before he turns out the lights for the night, or whether he’s warning her that he’s about to go muddy in his jammies.
True Fable
August 30th, 2007 at 2:50 am [Reply]

#371 Poteet, my Queen! – oh, you did NOT just go to bed and leave me with “Precious and Few” crooning its overly earnest delivery and catch-in-the-voice tones in my poor fucked up brain! Brain bleach over here please!

“Billy, Don’t Be A Hero.” “Convoy.” “Paper Roses.” Two can play at this game, although we may not be think without drumming our bottom lips and going “buh-blah-buh-blah-buh-blah” by the end of the day.
Frank Parsnip
August 30th, 2007 at 2:50 am [Reply]

A3G: Unfortunately the entire strip is about as incomprehensibly emotive as a single-panel Roy Liechtenstein painting. Trying to figure out whether it’s odder that her husband kept his journal in a safe-deposit box (”Dear Diary, Had hot dogs again for lunch today and then rented a cool movie from Blockbuster…”) or that he labels it with the Germanic-style ass-backwards “Journal Tim”.

Jugs Parker: OK, now we know that Sam and Busty haven’t been talking business all this time because it’s only now that Sam is reminder her that they’ve “got a negotiation to do”. No T no A, which means that I wish we could either: 1) turn the clock back five minutes to see what Sam and Busty were doing then; or 2) get back to more Trudi screaming at Flattop McMullet.

Blondie: Moe Howard’s descendants all work in news stands with break rooms attached.

MW: Mary wants all the dirt and uses all the tact of a Chinese cleaning lady to get it out of Dr. Drew. How did Dawn react? What’s your blood type? How much do you make each year? What year are you in Chinese zodiac? Snake? Rat? You have naked pictures of Dawn? No? You wanna buy some? Five more minutes of this, and Dr. Drew is going to run away shouting: “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!”

Slylock Fox: How to draw a “goat”? There’s excellent value in today’s installment: Step One looks remarkably like GT’s YulBrynna Antenna, Step Two looks like Garfield’s Odie (with the satanic horns all Garfield characters so richly deserve), Step Three and we have our goat. A nice trifecta.

Spider-Man: Can THE SHOCKER do that to two guns at the same time? If not, then his partner ought to let loose with a few rounds right into center mass of the quilting.

Foob: April’s plan to do a dinnertable briefing of veterinary surgery reminds me of the old cowboy sitting at diner with a bowl of chili in front of him that he’s not touching. A young cowboy sitting nearby asks “If you’re not going to eat that, mind if I have some?” The old cowboy gives him the bowl, and the young one chows down. Nearly at the bottom is a dead mouse, whereupon the young cowboy throws up into the bowl. The old cowboy looks up and says: “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got, too.”

GT: Small amateur boxing matches of the sort where everybody wears safety headgear always have ring announcers with tuxes and those pull-down mikes. Because the crowds at these beginner fights are nearly enough to cover the dry-cleaning bills on the tux.

Mark Trail: Ah! A twofer — Homer is going to get back into the good graces of his ex-wife (probably the Betty Page lookalike last seen taking dictation in the boss’ office) by saving this duck.

Fuckyou Batuik: Le Shat Blew is going to be into the lasagne — we’re already getting the wry looks in the final panel that cue us in that this is the big change, the new path for the strip. Note that he calls Les “Cher”, apparently giving Les credit for more moxie than if he’d called him “Sonny Bono”.

Luann: In Luann’s school “tests” are given on material assigned the night before. In some places these are considered “quizzes” but apparently in this school they really want to make sure that students are graded purely on their ability to cram the night before tests, not on actual knowledge or ability to analyze the subject matter. Through years of training students this way, the school district has ensured that the kids are able to memorize vast amounts of materials to be retained just long enough to be regurgitated on an exam given within 24 hours. Of course their SAT scores are in the shitter but that doesn’t matter because this is a comic strip and none of them will ever graduate from high school anyway.
Dingo
August 30th, 2007 at 2:53 am [Reply]

#388 TF and #371 Poteet:

“Peace on Earth” was all it said.
Dingo
August 30th, 2007 at 2:57 am [Reply]

I had to laugh that Homer named the duck Shirley after his ex-wife. My mother’s name is Betty. Before dating my mother, my father dated a woman named Shirley. My paternal grandmother liked her better than my mother so, for the first five years of their marriage, she referred to my mother as Shirley than by her name. Either Homer has a soft spot for his ex-wife or there’s some major schadenfreude coming that duck’s way that none of us could imagine.
Lynngineering
August 30th, 2007 at 3:13 am [Reply]

#365 Secret Margo: As for the “H8″ in the background, well, I’m more a “not-revealed-until-closeup” kind of person: I have managed some tatoos across April’s fingers, Robert Mitchum-style. Her “good” and “evil” comes out whenever she decides to close a fist around something. Pity still no closeups on hands in Foobian world view…
True Fable
August 30th, 2007 at 3:18 am [Reply]

#390 Dingo – I had to sing One Tin Soldier every time I turned around my entire high school career because I made the mistake of singing it at a talent show my Freshman year and everyone liked it so much. By the time I was a senior I hated that damn thing with the buzz of a million grinding bees. That and “The House of New Orleans.”

GOD, I hated those songs!
Trilobite
August 30th, 2007 at 3:19 am [Reply]

I think I’d be happier if Dick Tracy just stopped even pretending to have continuity. It’s entirely nonsense from start to finish, and I just can’t fool myself into thinking that there’s any actual plot to follow anymore.

Take this current storyline, in chronological order:

1. The CIA calls Dick Tracy to help in some undefined way with the Baron, who’s arriving on a flight from Germany.

2. Russian spies ambush the Baron at the airport and kidnap his Gretchen. The Baron is collected by the CIA.

3. Russian spies contact the CIA and demand the Baron in exchange for Gretchen (citing the Baron’s weak heart as the reason why they didn’t just kidnap him directly — as if having his Gretchen kidnapped isn’t going to be stressful anyway). As the Baron needs his Gretchen, the CIA agrees to the demand.

4. Dick dresses up as the Baron in the least surprising double-cross of the year, and kicks the snot out of the Russian spies. Gretchen is now in CIA custody.

5. The Russian spies tell Dick and the CIA that they’re actually here to help, because the Baron has an instruction chip in his brain (installed during the Cold War!) that will make him do something evil to America.

6. Meanwhile, the Baron walks out of CIA Headquarters easily, picks up a mysterious package at a farmhouse, and then takes two cabs simultaneously to go to the Pentagon.

7. The Russians admit that there’s a frequency to the chip, and the CIA uses a spy satellite to track it. Dick and the CIA guy pile into one car, the Russian spies and Gretchen hop in the other.

8. The chip is actually inside Gretchen, and the instant the CIA learns this, the Russian spies strike! All the laws of physics are broken, and now the spies and Gretchen are off to their “rendezvous.”

There are so many questions here, I hardly know where to begin. If Gretchen’s a spy, why didn’t she just help the Russians kidnap the Baron? I mean, wouldn’t that have been much easier? If the chip story about the Baron was just bullshit to get the CIA to think that the Russians were on the same side as them, then why did we spend a whole month talking about it? And why is there a chip in Gretchen, anyway, and why would the Russians allow the CIA to track it when they could’ve just said “We don’t know its frequency” and left it at that? If the Baron’s NOT a sleeper agent, then what’s with the package and the trip to the Pentagon? And how can he get into two cabs at the same time? Why the hell am I still reading this comic?

FOR GOD’S SAKE, DICK LOCHER, GET A GODDAMN WRITER ALREADY. (and maybe someone who can draw a human hand!)
True Fable
August 30th, 2007 at 3:37 am [Reply]

What I want to know is, Just how did Dick explain a woman falling off a pier and ending up face first down a riverboat smokestack?

Seems like the whole squad room should have yelled in unison: “Bullshit!”
True Fable
August 30th, 2007 at 3:40 am [Reply]

#391 Dingo – Man, that must have been an awkward five years. Your poor mom!
Weezie Jefferson
August 30th, 2007 at 3:43 am [Reply]

Dingo…you’re my own personal Jesus, and I realize, because it’s been stated so many times on these thready things, but I raised a fuss and a holler to those WLIT maroons! You got royally jacked My Man! I’m hurt inside about the whole danged deal, and maybe we can all grow from this. I remain always in your corner, your faithful cut(wo)man, Weezie.
Oh, and by the way, (sorry I missed your Nom Du Blog) but that crappy 70’s song list made me seek solace in the YouTubes, where I filled up on Cheap Trick and Living Colour vids…Blessed Relief!…I daresay!
Trilobite
August 30th, 2007 at 3:44 am [Reply]

Now that I’ve purged some of the accumulated WTF from reading Dick Tracy, I can look over a few of Thursday’s comics:

Gil Thorp: Just out of curiosity, when was the last time that anyone from Milford actually won? Over the months I’ve been reading this strip, it seems like they’re basically the plucky underdogs who inevitably choke. But hey, they’re really upbeat about losing, which I guess is an important moral lesson for the readers. I mean, if you’re going to inflict Gil Thorp on yourself, you have to learn to accept defeat gracefully…because otherwise your constant failure to understand the story, the art, and even the physics of the strip will get to you.

Mark Trail: Yes, I suppose all this interest in a little duck might seem odd, but you have to realize that just a little while ago, a neighboring town was eagerly discussing how a famous nature journalist had just come into town to update his article on bird strikes. If something THAT insanely dull captured the public’s interest, why would anyone be surprised that a story promising cute baby ducks gets full media coverage?

Phantom: Somewhere in Africa, a young girl’s parents forbid her to draw pictures: this sounds like a job for the Ghost-Who-Encourages-Budding-Artists!

Spider-Man: I imagine that Jonah’s line here is said with a tone of pure relief. “So that’s The Shocker’s superpower! Whew! I was afraid that we weren’t going to be able to show any of this on TV!”
True Fable
August 30th, 2007 at 3:53 am [Reply]

Crock Did someone say goat?
Frank Parsnip
August 30th, 2007 at 3:54 am [Reply]

Trilobite (394)– The analysis was much needed, as I’d given up in frustration a while ago — back when there were CIA agents who felt it was necessary to identifiy themselves as such just to get basic flight info out of the staff working at the gates. It’s as if the writers are trying to screw with the normal rules of logic, reason and even good spycraft to force us to only comment on the terrible art.

True Fable (387) — RMMD is starting to parallel DT for sheer sucky writing, and it didn’t have to be that way. We could have enjoyed an awful Hugh eating dinner and drinking pedestrian wine with June Morgan for months.

My guess is that within the sheer awfulness of DT, RMMD and 9 Dickweed Lane there’s a secret plot orchestrated to ensure that all comics eventually make as much sense as GT.
Weezie Jefferson
August 30th, 2007 at 4:04 am [Reply]

Methinks (gotta love that word, c’mon Mudges, give it up for “methinks”) Where was I? Oh Yeaahhh!, I have a theory about Gary Brookins and Bob Weber, Jr. These guys are Muslims, and forbidden by Islamic law from portraying human beings in thier art. Am I wrong? Prove it, tough guy!
True Fable
August 30th, 2007 at 4:07 am [Reply]

BOB WEBER!! You magnificent bastard! You’ve done a How To Draw a GOAT!

Today is a good day. Weber either knowingly or unwittingly fed into my all-consuming fascination with the Caprine Ones.

I shall now sit back in delight at the bounty. May his pen nib never break!
Weezie Jefferson
August 30th, 2007 at 4:13 am [Reply]

Thier (give it up for “thier”!) Me go shleepy-bye now.
Frank Parsnip
August 30th, 2007 at 4:13 am [Reply]

Trilobite (398) — re: Spider-Man, I think you nailed it. If even a bit of his vibrating-fist skills had been used to their full value, JJJHitler and Liza Minelli would have been stuck with more computer-generated blur than a Japanese porn movie.

http://xs.to/xs.php?h=xs318&d=07333&f=image002.jpg
True Fable
August 30th, 2007 at 4:14 am [Reply]

#389 Frank Parsnip – whoops, day late and a dollar short; you said Bob featured a goat earlier, didn’t you? I went looking and got sidetracked by the mention of goats in Crock and it just didn’t dawn on me to keep going, I don’t know.

You must understand, anyone as goat-happy as I am tends to have the attention span of one. :-)
Slither
August 30th, 2007 at 4:31 am [Reply]

8/30 FOOB: Once again, John’s Crevasse is hovering a couple of inches above the ground as he drives April (she is Woman!) home from the airport. Since the manufacturer’s of the Crevasse have seemingly perfected the flying car, I wonder why it still has wheels?
Weezie Jefferson
August 30th, 2007 at 4:32 am [Reply]

Mr. Truman A. Fable, How does a goat’s memory stack up against a goldfishes? And where do I go to buy organic vaseline for my handlebars? And don’t tell me at Jack LaLanne’s Hamburgers on Vemont! That’s an abandoned Hughes Aircraft roller bearing faciory! Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.
Weezie Jefferson
August 30th, 2007 at 4:45 am [Reply]

I am agud spillar tipisyter…Vermont and Tweedy! I’m Out!!!!
Anonymous
August 30th, 2007 at 5:49 am [Reply]

RMMD: Is June wearing a dog collar? Complete with tag? Oh please, oh please….

TDIET: Junior’s carrying, uh, a flit gun, there. A flit gun. We’ve just moved backwards in time from the ’50s to the ’30s.

S-M: Shouldn’t the cop be able to pull the trigger on his handgun just as quickly as The Shocker can activate his Shock-Thingies?
willethompson
August 30th, 2007 at 6:08 am [Reply]

In four panels, today’s Peanuts encapsulates the next four months of Mary Worth. Oh, sure, there will be Dawn’s botched suicide and a boiled family pet, but the gist of it shines through.
Godzooky
August 30th, 2007 at 6:11 am [Reply]

Re: Graphic Novels: I should have mentioned Strangers in Paradise, stumbled across it towards the end of its first arc, got totally hooked. Probably didn’t come to mind because I only bought the periodicals, not the collections. After seeing a bunch of rave reviews, I did check out one or two issues of Bone way back when, but, for some reason, I was underwhelmed, probably because each issue was part of a story arc, all middle, no beginning or end. I’m still curious about all the fuss, I’ll probably get one of the collections to see if it reads better that way. Not familiar with Persepolis, but, based on the recommendations here, I’ll track that one down, too.

Re: 70s music: The 70s wasn’t all cheesy (it sounds nicer than “bad”) music. If you were into R&B/soul music, it was a golden age, with Al Green, James Brown, Gladys Knight, Curtis Mayfield, and Isaac Hayes all generating monster hits. I like disco music, so many of those songs are still favorites (Donna Summer’s especially). It was a great period for Latin music. I’m not into rock music, but there were some major hits during that period. The thing is, music radio formats were looser and had more variety back then, so you had more chances to listen to all kinds of music (in New York, anyway).

One more thing: The main oldies station here (WCBS-FM) was MIA for two years when the owners decided to try some crappy Jack format. The ratings went further down the tubes, so they brought the oldies back last month. Its playlist includes many of the songs listed above and, cheesy or not, hearing them again, now…boy, did I miss them.

Should mention one comic strip, at least. A3G: After missing her one-tear-a-day quota yesterday, Nora should have shed two today.
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 30th, 2007 at 6:13 am [Reply]

#348 SecretMargo
unimpeachable, yes.

I was thinking impeccable. Lame defense.

Big Sims don’t feel so Big now.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
August 30th, 2007 at 6:47 am [Reply]

“Media” is used as a plural noun in Mark Trail. There is some hope, even if they don’t know a male from a female mallard.
willethompson
August 30th, 2007 at 7:00 am [Reply]

JP: Would someone (maybe with degrees from Northwestern and/or Brown) PLEASE explain what the hell is being negotiated here at Two Tits And A Ponytail Winery? Keith the Dum-bro signs a ‘binding’ letter of intent (!) to guarantee the price (!!) of shares he doesn’t own (!!!) while Rusty is talking an ROI of 20% while Sam snaps back something about 42% increase in profits (?!?!) Comparing ROI and annual profits is like comparing road apples and Agent orange!

Margoboxcar, why not complete this nonsense and speak in pig latin while wagering quatloos on the winner of the upcoming Vera/Dawn smackdown?

FW: The only reason for this stupid cat to be there is that Les has confused his bottles of Metamucil and mescaline. Either way, it’s a bunch of crap.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 30th, 2007 at 7:07 am [Reply]

Non Compost Mentos @ 380: That video is seriously trippy, but even weirder is how it fits the lyrics only superficially. It’s like it was created to gloss over the subtext, which (at least to me) is that Angie was sexually abused by her father, and when a neighbor boy who had seen what was going on by peeping in her window came over to rape her, she killed him, and her father got rid of the body and had her committed.

And did anyone else find it hilarious that the lover who appears in her room when she turns on the radio is Elton John?!

Anyway, let’s do some comics!

Archie: Was Giorgio snickering at the time?

BB: The really funny thing about today’s BB is Lt. Flap is the only straight character in this strip.

FC: “Well, that’s why you sleep on rubber sheets, little man.”

FBOFW: And none of these picturesque events warranted a strip of their own? Instead, we get one strip of April riding horses, one worthless strip of exposition, one strip of return, and another worthless strip of exposition. You could have skipped two of those and done two strips showing the harvest fair, the auction or the country music festival. But no, that’s what a good writer might have done. Or even an amateur writer who understands the rules of storytelling. Instead, we get Lynn.

GT: At first read, I thought this said, “…but Munger doesn’t get up.” Then, the decision is awarded to Munger?! I thought this was Dingo at the singing contest all over again.

JP: Percentages of profit? Return on investment? WHERE ARE THE TITS, DAMMIT!?

Big Dog: Oh my God, there is SO much filthy Photoshop potential in this panel…

Phantom: Young Winston Smith is on his way to becoming a good citizen of Oceania.
Josh
August 30th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

#389 Frank — You forget that most amateur boxing matches don’t feature one-legged fighters. Presumably the carnival sideshow factor was used to put butts in the seats.

Josh
Tweeks_Coffee
August 30th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

A3G: Nora’s had that same rivulet of crap in her left eye for a while now. Has nobody pointed it out to her?
Blondie: I can not figure out what kind of store Dagwood is in. It looks like a news stand that has dliding glass doors for some reason. Then they go to a break room, so that wrecks that theory.
Curtis: How did he get his hands on an actual phone that he can haul around?
DT: Wait… didn’t Dimitri throw the driver out the door? I thought there were just 3 of them in that car.
FOOB: In classic LJ style, we get to hear about something that happened rather than see it. The only exception is the Liz/Moustachetastic hookup at the wedding which we were subjected to multiple times.
FW: This is so odd. I can’t figure out if I like the surrealness of it, or hate the general stupidity of it.
GT: I’m impressed that they got Captain Picard to stand in as referee.
MT: So what the heck happened to Mark in this? Since they left the house Homer’s discovered the duck, the owner’s son was notified and went out there and the media was alerted and showed up. Speaking of which, the media in this strip doesn’t seem to be too big on the investigative stuff. First it makes news when Mark visits a town to write a story on bird strikes andnow multiple news crews show up to report on a duck at a construction site.
Phantom: What.The.Hell. This certainly is setting up to be an utterly lame plot.
RMMD: I think Anonymous @ #409 is right, June is wearing a dog collar.
S-M: Seems The Shocker didn’t practice looking menacing as much as he should have. Could he look any dumber then when he attacks that cop? Er… the cop’s gun anyway.
Ginger Yellow
August 30th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

Slylock Fox:

Slick Smitty? Slack-jawed Smitty, more like.

What did Slylock Fox ask the doctor to do to determine if Smitty could be lying?

Cut off his fingers one by one, I would imagine.
AhClem
August 30th, 2007 at 7:37 am [Reply]

True Fable -
I was at the Minnesota State Fair yesterday, and among all the other wonders to be seen there (such as every-imaginable-kind-of-food-on-a-stick), I saw several goats. Sorry I didn’t get any pictures.
Anonymous
August 30th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

Tumor Hallucinationbean: Not only do we probably have to endure Les’s battle with the CPS, he also has to maybe stiffarm suicidal depression. Way to demontrate your contempt for your readers, Cancer Sadist!

GA: Slim’s elaborate meteor scheme worked out real good, didn’t it? Not only does Skeezix have to cope with 21st century equipment he can’t hope to understand, he loses his ride ’cause the Skinners are, oddly enough in this day and age, a one vehicle family and, guess what, Fat Boy’s clapped-out old half-ton is toast.

Luann: If I didn’t know how much contempt Evans felt for his title character, I’d say we were looking at a really good ADHD story arc here. Since this seems, at least to me, to be his revenge on all the popular girls who wouldn’t give him the time of day back in high school, she’s just a ditz with the brains of a tree stump instead of someone who maybe needs a wee bit of help.

DtM:Oh, goody! Another pay-of line cribbed from the Family Circus. NEXT!

Foob: Forget the fact that we’ve been told, not shown! April’s loving reminiscences about all that gore will finally put Jelly and JSTF off their feed!
Mariko
August 30th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

TDIET: The whole Dubber domicile can snooze thru TV shows with bombings, earthquakes, explosions, train wrecks, etc., etc. . . .

But after Junior Dubber died from malaria last year, the whole menagerie gets up and at ‘em at the hum of one li’l mosquito . . . oh-hh yeah
Our Boarding House with Major Hoople
August 30th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

# 389 – Frank Parsnip:

I loved the joke about FOOB. I read it to my wife who let out a loud scream. Much fun in the morning!
Godzooky
August 30th, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

#417 Tweks_Coffee re: Nora’s rivulet: Could be worse. (Thanks, Dik-Dik Vendetta @#81)
Mariko
August 30th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

#421 (me):
I was going to submit the above as a TDIET guest-written by Batiuk, but I no longer think that would be likely–after all, who cares about an African endemic when there’s cancer to be had?
Widdle Jeffy
August 30th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

Grandmama’s next, unprinted, statement.

Well, Jeffy, if you sleep loose you will wind up in a bed full of shit.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 30th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

Josh, seriously, your spam filter is insane.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 30th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

8/30*

A3G: Everytime they show Nora she looks like she’s got a tear halfway down her cheek. Could it be a prison tattoo? C’mon, Shulock, fill us in.

9CL: “I just got a world class case of the munchies and there’s this great taco stand outside Durham. Get you anything? Oops gotta go by!”

S-M: Both Flattop and Maria are smiling as if to say, “The camera loves this Shocker guy.” After the danger has passed I imagine they’ll be trying to outbid each other and get “Shocker on Sports” on the air.

6C: TV writers often seem to think that adding anything Hollywood-related to the punchline makes the joke golden. Seems some comic-strip writers also believe this. As you can see, it often doesn’t work out.

TDIET: Well, Jack Bauer isn’t going to hum directly into their ears, or leave an itchy red welt when he bites. Not the home audience, anyway.

S4th: Thinly veiled self loathing? Check. She’s Ted’s daughter all right.

SFx: That goat is so baked, man. He, like, must have eaten a guys shoe when, like, the dude was hiding his weed. In the shoe, man.

Phantom: Stop her before she draws again!

Luann: Shut up, Bernice.

DtM: That’s a deep insight, towhead. After 50 years it’s kind of daring to change the title to “Dennis the Holistic Therapist.” So good luck.

FW: How long before the cat gets bored with Les and goes looking for a liberal dog to abuse?

MT: Knowing that Shirley the Duck is named after Homer’s ex-wife puts a disturbing spin on the whole storyline. Now I imagine him going up to her and sobbing, “Oh Shirl, why did it have to end?” and “I still have trouble sleeping when you’re not in the bed.”
Hey Shirl. There may come a day when Homer has a hand in his coat and says something like “You and my brother. How could you betray me like that?” Should this situation arise, grab your dun-colored eggs and run!
Dennis Jimenez
August 30th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

A3G – Nice role model there Nora – peaking in Tim’s diary AND no seat belt. How can you sleep at night?

FBoFW – ‘N’ I got ta sucked the veterinarian’s dick, ‘n’ stuff….

MW – HA HA – More suitable – every girl crazy for a sharp dressed man.

TDIET – The bit sucks, but I like the family – are they from Finland, or the former GDR? I’ve never seen a more dower bunch. I curtsey to you Scadudo.

FC – Loose bowels fill towels, Jeffy – and I think you’re just the guy for the job.
Gabe
August 30th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

I can’t believe you guys aren’t going gaga over that fabulous ring announcer, spiffy and tuxed, for an amatuer boxing match in a high school gym.

Come on! If Gail Martin gets a CC backstory, this guy surely deserves one. I declare his name Francis Bordeux.
Gabe
August 30th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

(talking about Gil Thorp)
teenchy
August 30th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

TF @ # 387: Rex, how’d that other career work out for you? That one involving medicine and tests and prescriptions and billing? Remember that one?

I’d venture not too well, given Rex is driving what appears to be a very accurately rendered Ford Five Hundred (now renamed Taurus) sedan. Then again, the Range Rover may be in the shop yet again, which brings me to…

# 406: One of my peccadilloes is the accuracy (or lack thereof) of cars and trucks rendered in the comics. When John traded in his Jeep-like vehicle to Gord for the Crevasse, there was some speculation on other boards as to what kind of car the Crevasse was supposed to represent. Some folks thought it either a WRX wagon or a Forester XT, in either case some sort of Subaru (Foobaru?) model. If the Crevasse is indeed some sort of Foobaru, then its four-wheels-in-the-air stance is entirely possible as these cars are known for catching air as they blast down roads in their best rally-car-once-removed fashion.
Tommy Smarts
August 30th, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

MT: Homer named the duck after his ex-wife so that he can choose the time and place to smash it to a bloody pulp. For damn sure he isn’t just going to do it just because his boss tells him to. As soon as the reporters leave … Shirley’s going to get a taste of THE URGE.
bats :[
August 30th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

380. NCM: a very meh cartoon, but I liked the giant penis building at the beginning in the city-scape!

383. Skulking: I think you can access the badge site somehow via weebl and bob: http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/

387. TF: at least Homer’s ex-wife’s name wasn’t Terese! (If that’d been the case, I don’t think it would’ve been a mama duck that he’d found…).

419. AhClem: I think the overpowering aromas at the Fair addled you a bit….it wasn’t merely every-imaginable-food-on-a-stick that you were exposed to, but every-imaginable-fried-food-on-a-stick.

I notice that a lot of the hated 70s songs tend to be ballads, pieces with actual story lines (the lifestyle of muskrats, shootings in Chicago, war parables, etc.). I have to admit I like a number of them (not that I own any copies, mind you), but does this play a factor in the hate? Do they tend to stick with us because at some time we unintentionally or otherwise expended more time learning and remembering numerous lyrics rather than the inane repetition of something like “Sugar, Sugar”? I think it’s kind of interesting.
Discuss.
Harold
August 30th, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

Rainbird @ 366, I live in a suburban area where mail carriers walk their beats. I’m not sure what the alternative is. They do drive mail trucks, but park them periodically, walk a few blocks delivering mail, then return to their trucks to reload and relocate. And while mail on this side of town is delivered noon-ish, on the other side of town the mail arrives between 8:30 and 9:00. Somebody has to be first…
Rainbird
August 30th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

Dingo #386 thanks for the link to Kyle’s Bed & Breakfast. I don’t see the gay boy’s comics since they stopped running them in the Advocat, years back.

And sorry to hear about the contest, as everyone else has already said.

388 True Fable Has no one mentioned the all time worst song yet? ‘You’re having my baby.”
Bootsy
August 30th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

Dingo, I sent a sternly worded memo to those people at WLIT saying you was robbed.

But you should come to NO this weekend for Southern Decadence which some call “the gay Mardi Gras” as if Mardi Gras wasn’t pretty gay already. I don’t know how your little Tyrolean hat would do, but if you had some leather chaps that you wear without pants, you’ll fit rignt in. For those who think I’m kidding, I’m not.

I used to make the mistake of trying to actually figure song lyrics out. I don’t know who sang it, but my sister had an album with a crappy love song that included the line “as my head was spinnin’ round I gazed into her eyes” which I tried to imagine but it made my neck hurt.

I’ve mentioned before my fave “The Superman Song” which has another real name and which some who are unfamiliar with the lyrics call the Pina Colada song. Why call it the Superman Song? The line “If you like making love at midnight, with a dude in a cape…”
queek
August 30th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

Bootsy, that song is called “Escape”

something that it never does once it enters your head.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 30th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

I wanna be #444 again on a dead thread! Will it happen?
Mountain Mama
August 30th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

Dingo! I’m here for you, buddy!

Here’s what I wrote:

To the Reader:

It is my understanding that Tuesday night’s contest resulted in a winner that almost no one in the audience agreed with or understood.

Is it because Mr. Gillette told one of your representatives that he would be taking his boyfriend on the vacation if he won?

If anything, it seems to me he should have been rewarded as much for his honesty as for his performance, which was superior.

The judges may have reached what they felt was a good (uncontroversial?) decision, but they have lost of lot of good will for your station.
Drew
August 30th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

I think the italicized, uncapitalized and unpunctuated sentence of Josh’s found below FOOB is one of the most disturbing yet effective things ever written on this site.
Skulking on the Outskirts
August 31st, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

436, Bootsy: Maybe neither you nor anyone else will see this, since I think this thread is probably dead, but I think the lyrics went “in the dunes on the Cape” not “dude in a cape”. I could be wrong, but it’s not important enough for me to look it up and get sucked into more bad ’80’s lyrics. It took up thirty minutes of my life last night, I daresay. (And I’m only slipping that last in ‘cuz I figure I can get away with it on a dead thread, heh heh heh.)
jiggscasey
August 31st, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

In the defense of Smitty I would argue that yes he was seen running with magazines but they were in fact pornographic magazines. His pulse was high from masturbation and he fell asleep in his clothes after orgasm. The doctor could diagnose this fact by shaking Smitty’s hand and diagnosing the sticky palm.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 31st, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

So close…
Carly
December 11th, 2007 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

At first I thought the answer to Slylock was “because what moron naps in his tie?” Oops, my bad.

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