It’s Raining Men!
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Okay okay okay! Last Saturday’s post asked
where are the hot guys in today’s newspaper comics?
And you responded — in bulk! Seriously, the range of response confirms recent research that folks are more, er, refined in selecting men than men are in selecting women.
No room to list them all (and “Original Brawny Towel Man” is not a comic-strip character, dammit!), but here’s a tasty sample:
Judge Parker 10/20/2006
Judge Parker, 8/5/07
Hunky dimwit Sam Driver is curiously immune to the thrusty charms of women, including his wife.
Slylock Fox, 2/19/07 and 9/3/07
¿Quién es más macho? Buford Bull o Slylock Fox? Oh — I think we know!
Li’l Abner
Several people expressed a hankerin’ for uncomplicated beefcake “L’il” Abner Yokum, wisely favoring him over jailbait brother Tiny.
9 Chickweed Lane, 8/3/07
Everybody’s front-runner, Seth. Generous, confident, and chinly — all qualities thin on the ground in 9CL. Oh, did I mention pauciloquent? See, Brooke? I own a thesaurus, too!
Traditional “male” stereotypes — Mark Trail, Dick Tracy, even o’l stripey Phantom — received a resounding “meh” from our faithful readership. Surprise contenders included Rob Wilco from Get Fuzzy, the Grampa from One Big Happy, and Ted Forth. One person suggested that Margo was more of a man than anyone in the comics. I think the person who suggested Leroy Lockhorn was joking.
And here’s a dark horse, from the very darkest of stables:
Funky Winkerbean, 6/9/07
Comic John* went to the prom with Chien, had a good time, and probably earned himself a slot in author Tom Batiuk’s scheduled (and most likely written and illustrated) Great Leap Forward. And in the words of faithful reader Three or Four, “Seriously. Whoever gives him a charity lay is gonna get the surprise of her life.”
mmmmmmm. . . . Original Brawny Towel Man. They really sold out with that second guy.
– Uncle Lumpy
* Observant reader Al notes below that this is not, in fact, Comic John, but Mopey Pete. Please make the appropriate substitutions.
This just in!
For the ladies: Thanks to the diligent Intertube research of faithful reader Godzooky, we have this rare image of our Man of Mystery, his Black Orchid, and the Love of his Life. Go nuts!
Brenda Starr, Reporter, 1963
The Divine O’F
September 5th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Huh? I just got home and… no comments? Weird. Okay, Uncle Lumpy, thanks for the hunk-arama. I’m pretty meh about all of them but Lil Abner. And his brother. I guess Rob Wilco would be third, only because he is a Sensitive New Age Guy.
Chloe The Cat
September 5th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Yes I think you have them in the right order…
Chloe The Cat
September 5th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
I do love Rob Wilco though.
Brown-eyed Girl
September 5th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Unlce Lumpy, thank you for giving equal time to male hotties in the comics. Not that there’s a whole lot to choose from.
SecretMargo
September 5th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
The best part of this post: revisiting that view of Buford Bull (aside to Mr. Weber Jr — what is with all the illicit bathtaking in your strip? I’m not complaining, just….curious) and seeing what I consider one of the best incidental details ever put in one of these: the little rabbit in the doorway making a big show of covering her eyes…but peeking through her fingers at the slab of horny beef failing mightily to conceal itself with that fluffy little towel. Right with ya, my lupine sister. Just don’t let Cassandra catch you peeping on her man.
BangPowOuch
September 5th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
You have it wrong. Chein will cancel at the last minute, forcing John to have a date with. . . CANCER!!
SmartPeopleOnIce
September 5th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Seriously. Whoever gives him a charity lay is gonna get the surprise of her life.
I guess “cancer” technically counts as a surprise.
The Great Ka-Floopa Gush
September 5th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
secretmargo
I think you mean “lepine sister”.
Bitter Scribe
September 5th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Al Capp lost a leg at the age of nine and, as an adult, was fascinated by Adonis-like male beauty and perfection. It would be pathetic if he weren’t also a nasty right-wing letch.
Hysterical Woman
September 5th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
I don’t think continuing to be in Funky Winkerbean is a good thing.
Brown-eyed Girl
September 5th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
So, for our hunks we have:
A lawyer with no sex drive
An animal that appears in a children’s comic
Two dimwits from a defunct comic
A gay guy
*Sigh*
Among the average, heterosexual men (at least I’m assume they are heterosexual) listed in Uncle Lumpy’s post, who would you choose?
Rob Wilco
Ruthie’s Grandpa
Ted Forth
Comic John
Me, I’d pick John, but then I like them wickedly young.
Al
September 5th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
That isn’t Comics John (who actually has a crush on Wally’s Becky) — That’s Mopey Pete (Darin’s former best friend).
Oh yeah, and Chien will probably be the luckiest girl alive…
Brown-eyed Girl
September 5th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
11. me Ugh! I meant “at least I’m assuming they are heterosexual”. (grumble) can’t type, can’t spell, forgot what little grammar she ever knew (grumble)
FreshHell
September 5th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
What price Charlie Brown?
FreshHell
September 5th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
And Schroeder. He’s catnip to Lucy.
Hysterical Woman
September 5th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Also, what about Buck, the homeless graduate student from Rex Morgan? He was good looking.
Niall
September 5th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
#5. SecretMargo:
You are quite correct; in fact, look closer (you know you want to): Buford is clutching his towel, but not where the edges are. So he’s not even trying to hold the towel closed, like most people are, yet the edges are not visible dangling anywhere – a concession to the kids, or is that towel not around his hips but stiff and straight only covering his front? From her placement, she’d have a very good view of Bareback Bull. Meanwhile the fox stares right into Buford’s eyes, avoiding temptation should he look down.
Incidentally, that other SFx strip also answers a question someone had about Slylock’s pants, if they were bellbottom or if they contoured freaky legs. Considering Sly goes around with a cape and is incapable of making a move on Cassandra other than by increasingly-strained excuses, it’s only fitting the 70s look is what he believes in. Give it up, fox; she’s far too modern for you. That rabbit lady keeps coming to you for help, maybe you should see if she’s trying to catch your attention.
Other than that silliness, and speaking as a straight male, it’s great to see this kind of post. I’m definitely for equal opportunity. :) That Driver however only has love for himself and his suave poses out of nowhere…
FreshHell
September 5th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
And how about Sluggo? He had that shaved head thing going decades before it became the crazy hot new thing.
FreshHell
September 5th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
No votes for Coach Kaz? A guy so secure in his masculinity that he can wear pearl earrings to football practice? Not to mention buff and into kids. Well, young boys. Still.
unclelumpy
September 5th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
#12 Al –
Eek. Right you are! Well, him too!
Kate
September 5th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
I am *so* all about Rob Wilco. Oh yes indeedy.
Lynngineering
September 5th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
sorry- still writing on yesterthread for another second here!
#70 Secret Margo – thank you as always, your writing reminds me why I await your A3G novella!
What does Michael want indeed! What was it he was so desperate for on that fateful day when he ran away from Dee and family, and back up into his burning room? What secret did he believe his manuscript held, which he must maintain a hold on, and which in turn, left him in this coma, a certain sphinx-like state.
Now that I learned a thing or two about “walking coma”, I feel there are two steering mechanisms at work in Michael’s fantasy: the coma, and Michael. We could ask what does the coma want as well. Because what seems to be occuring since the beginning, is a kind of dialog, not always in agreement. I think now, with the medication he’s on, and all this time bedridden, Michael has slowly lost alot of the energy required to enforce direction, and the coma takes over the fantasy.
What occurs? I think the coma is trying to bring Michael to points of recognition, offering him a working-through procedure that involves a repetition in the fantasy. It isnt that he will run up the stairs again, but that he goes after what was the ‘madness’ that drives him to run up the stairs, and the book.
So I imagine that the coma offers certain correspondences for Michael along the way, which he can still choose to recognize, and through which then leave the fantasy and return to the other reality.
One method seems to be after some lengthy establishing work, to offer him another mansucript, which he imagines to be in control of – the better to catch him off-guard.
Telling stories of his family, of his parents and subsequent follow-ups, Michael seems content in revealing only certain stories, certain secrets, creating characters of himself / everyone in the family. That’s Michael. But the coma is also here driving the fantasy. So in this narcissistic circularity, one might wonder if this coma is going to try to bring Michael right up to the point of being a witness to his parents sexual act, and to his own creation?
Brown-eyed Girl
September 5th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
11. Me again. Ok, it’s Pete, not John. So the list is:
Rob Wilco
Ruthie’s Grandpa
Ted Forth
Pete.
So I choose Pete. Rob Wilco has a psychotic cat. I dated a guy with a psychotic cat; she was a feline Margo. I will never make that mistake again.
commodorejohn
September 5th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Oh, I didn’t realize that Slouchy Fifth Beatle was the same guy as Frodo Lives! Obstetrician.
So, since the ITV classroom I supervised last night had its Internet connection down, and I was at work for the rest of the day, I didn’t get a chance to read and snark the Tuesday comics. I’m going to anyway, and many apologies if I say something someone already said.
A3G – 9/5 – Margo plots murder of a persistently useless minor character. The Curmudgeons cheer.
A.D. – 9/5 – Wow, a ZomB.C. that’s as passably funny as the old pre-death B.C.
BB – 9/5 – I’m still trying to wrap my head around the discovery that Platinum Blonde is, in fact, a woman, and then the strip throws this at me.
Crankshaft – 9/4 – Josh is right, if nothing else, this strip is appropriately titled.
DT – 9/5 – Nobody wants the Baron’s package.
FOOB – 9/4 – Aw, he was lovingly stalking her, just like Anthony! Doesn’t it just warm your heart? Also, holy poop, that 1979 FOOB strip Uncle Lumpy posted is not only funnier than the entire past year of modern FOOB put together, but is better-drawn to boot! How in the world could anyone, even the famously dense Lynn Johnston, think that a jump from “clean, breezy line-art with a little gray here and there” to “stodgy, unattractive, robo-inked ‘art’ saturated with Zip-A-Tone shading” is an improvement?
9/5 – Oh, that’s even sweeter! He got her under the influence of anesthetic, and then got her consent! Aww, date-rape was so romantic back then!
FW – 9/5 – “Hard hat area.” He’s going to break his back and be paralyzed from the neck down.
GT – 9/4 – Gil plots to have Marty iced. Kaz looks eager to assist.
9/5 – Clambake provides alcohol to the underaged. A caveman arrives to try out for football.
JP – 9/4 – Oh, shut up, Rosa. Trudi should get to have her way with him, then Rusty, then Abbey. Just so long as we get to watch.
9/5 – Where did Sophie get that alpine goatherd outfit from?
MT – 9/5 – Rush Limbaugh prepares to oust the duck from her nest. I’ve always been one of his defenders (a categorization I sadly share with Mallard Fillmore,) but maybe he really is as evil as the Democrats say he is.
MW – 9/4 – Drew looks like Peter Parker in panel two…
9/5 – …but in today’s panel two, looks like a strung-out Bing Crosby.
Marmaduke – 9/4 – AHH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT
Pluggers – 9/5 – Wow, a funny Pluggers.
RMMD – 9/4 – Rex Morgan apparently takes place in the same universe as Mallard Fillmore.
SFx – 9/5 – HELL YES SHIRT PLEASE
SM – 9/5 – Gayest. Spider-Man. Pose. Ever.
Edison Lee – 9/5 – Edison Lee is…FUNNY!? TOPICAL!? ACCURATE!? My worldview is imploding here!
Mack
September 5th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
I totally dig Rob Wilco. He’s not that bad-looking, skinny legs aside, he’s a total geek (in a way that I’m into, anyway) and he has a wonderful sense of humor. Plus, if he lets his dog and cat get away with all they do, he’d probably be willing to give the lady who’s sleeping with him even more.
Chris
September 5th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
#9 Bitter Scribe says: It would be pathetic if he weren’t also a nasty right-wing letch
Lil’ Abner originally was very New Deal Democrat in perspective…Capp’s views changed over time, and he found the 60s counterculture movement repugnant and was not shy about saying so in his comic strip. I’d say he was caustic, but not nasty.
Oh, and a comic strip genius.
Harry Paratestes
September 5th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
(DT)GT: Panel three reminds me of the classic novel that Steinbeck never quite wrote, entitled “Of Mice and Gil Thorp”.
loudfan
September 5th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
What about Jon in “Garfield”? Sure, he SEEMS like a loser, but cute vet Liz apparently thinks he’s hottt! And no votes for Michael Patterson? Ha ha, just kidding.
SecretMargo
September 5th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
8: Good catch! But actually, I what I was thinking of was “lapine.”
From prey to predator in a single keystroke! Language is a fearsome thing.
Maughta
September 5th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
I personally long for the days of Steve Dallas. Rob Wilco is a weak substitute.
rhonda from kansas
September 5th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
I miss Basil.
cheech wizard
September 5th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
I never before realized that Sam Driver is basically L’il Abner with a law degree: Studly Comics Guys With No Interest In Sex Despite Being Constantly Surrounded By Screamingly Hot Women Like Indians On Custer. His work load at his law firm also appears to be about the same as Abner’s job as a mattress tester at the Stunned Ox Mattress Factory. Come to think of it, Mark Trail doesn’t do much real work either.
Girl Reporter
September 5th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Me too
Chris
September 5th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Nice call, Cheech Wizard, about Sam and Abner! Hunky dudes without a clue!
Abner could have had Appassionata von Climax, Moonbeam McSwine, and, way before he did, the divine Daisy Mae…and I’m beginning to wonder if the Abby and Sam show has ever been consummated…what a dumbass…
Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W wuz here]
September 5th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
The last panel of Judge Parker puts me in mind of Cap’n Easy. He could take on most of those guys, though I expect Li’l Abner might give him pause. Is it the apostrophes that give them their strength?
Carmichael the Polar Bear
September 5th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Ladies, don’t get too excited. I’ve seen this type before, and roomed with it a couple times: Rob Wilco’s apartment reeks, and he only has one set of bedsheets. Do not ask how often he does laundry.
Gold-Digging Nanny (formerly Lame Name)
September 5th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
11 Brown-Eyed Girl — I’d go for Rob Wilco. I love skinny, geeky boys with bad haircuts. And even if I have to put up with Bucky, Satchel’s a sweetie and would make up for it.
Muse of Ire
September 5th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
#31 rhonda from kansas — You never forget your first international man of mystery.
The Divine O’F
September 5th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
31 and 33: Yes! Basil!
willethompson
September 5th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Great. 25 years ago, I WAS Rob Wilco – skinny, geeky, urban address, job in advertising, psychotic pet, desperate affiliation to losing sports team, and now I find that I would have been attractive to the Brown-Eyed Girls and Gold-Digging Nannies of the world???
To quote Slim Pickens in Blazing Saddles, “Ah ahm depressed.”
Gabe
September 5th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
It’s been a while, and it’s not even my preference, but I can’t believe no ladies have any love for Bloom County’s own Cutter John.
Good looking, romantic, sensitive yet masculine, plays Star Trek with the animals of the field. Oh, and a war hero.
What the hell else do you want?
(and yes despite his handicap, his time with the school Marm showed he can apparenty still work his lil’ cutter, ifyaknowwhati’msayin)
The Divine O’F
September 5th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Pluggers: Song that best describes my car: “Sweet Little Sixteen.”
The Divine O’F
September 5th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
41 Gabe and others: There are not enough words in the language to describe my Bloom County hate. But I respect your right to admire it.
fizzy logic
September 5th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
*Sigh* Nuthin’. Since Uncle Lumpy put up his original post, I’ve had many musings about the paucity of the Male Comic Guy to Get Excited About (MCGGEA). Sure, Bob Weber, Jr tried to get us all excited a la Cassandra Cat with Buford Bull, but we ladies just don’t go for the furry beefcake (see – he even did it literally) like the guys do. Heck, guys will even get excited about this: ( * )( * ) (hey, look, boobies – heh!)
So I could go into a really long discourse – believe me, I have in my brain – about the biological differences between men & women when it comes to beauty vs. other attributes and the unfairness of it all (dumpy guys with supermodels in every beer commercial) but I will refrain. You boys enjoy Blondie, and Cassandra, and the women of Judge Parker and Rex Morgan. We’ll try to make due with Sam’s square jaw every once in a while.
And yes, even though Rob Wilco is probably a fun geeky guy, I bet his t-shirts smell that funny kept-in-a-confined-space-too-long-while-not-really-clean smell.
But great topic UL! Really thought provoking!
Gabe
September 5th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Heh, O’F. Feeling nostalgic, I just went on Amazon and ordered a bunch of old Bloom County books (my parents “lost” mine when I moved out after HS).
Renee J
September 5th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
I like Rob Wilco, too. I also like Rat from Pearls Before Swine. And that intern in Dilbert.
fizzy logic
September 5th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
#44 – me. – I think I meant “make do”, not “make due”. Get your cliches right!
unclelumpy
September 5th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
Can anybody find me a picture of Basil St. John to post? The Intertubes are all clogged with pictures of g*dd*mn Timothy Dalton, and some freaking doll collection from 2005.
Worse, the current Brenda Starr arc has taken to inserting vignettes of people like George Bush, Arianna Huffington and Al Franken, which hurts the eye. Although a recent storyline featured a blogger. And it’s not colorized!
But I’d love to include an icon of male attractiveness created and drawn throughout his life by women. And he is a man of mystery! There’s not even a drawing on the official site!
If you have something for me to post, send it to my address on the Tip Jar page (shh: spammers!).
Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
September 5th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
Unrelated to anything here, but Cullen Murphy (former co-artist behind Prince Valiant) was interviewed on my local NPR station about his new book (about the US as modern-day Rome). True to form, the interviewer couldn’t help but talk about Prince Valiant as the height of artistic accomplishment.
Anyway, there is comics discussion in the first five minutes. I found it interesting.
http://www.kuow.org/programs/weekday.asp (you’ll have to look through the archives if you want to listen after today)
SecretMargo
September 5th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
16: Hysterical Woman – I’d nearly forgotten! Oh, the Stubblety!
Plus, so deliciously desperate. And grad students are generally insatiable, since they usually are working on something that they spend most of their waking hours wanting to be distracted from in fleeting moments of blissful self-forgetting (see also: alcoholic grad students).
41: Cutter John is a fabulous choice as well, though not mine precisely. Very prelapsarian Brawny, with a good heart and a playful soul.
I also like Rob’s friend, whom we glimpsed a few days ago on the phone.
I take what I can get, dudes and dudettes.
47: Don’t feel bad. My advisor pointed out that I’d made that exact mistake as she was congratulating me on publishing my first academic article, which went through countless peer reviews, proofreadings, copyeditings, etc. before being printed. She also said that it gave her pause, since it made more sense to her spelled that way, which I think it does too. Aaah, language.
Bunnë
September 5th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Seriously people, Ethan from Jane’s World. Would I steer you wrong?
Of course, Jane’s World isn’t a daily anymore — now it’s published in book form, though it’s available daily from comics.com.
Bunnë
September 5th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
#50 Secret Margo: Rob’s friend on the phone is Joe.
Chris
September 5th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Okay, I’m a guy, and a hetero one at that, but I’m shocked, SHOCKED! that Coach Kaz’s name hasn’t surfaced…former lineman, former bouncer, occasional detective, suave man about town who knows enough to go to smooth places like Cafe…who cares if he’s probably making about $13K a year and can’t pay his college loans…he’s…Coach K!!!
Poteet
September 5th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Looks like Steve Canyon and Chennux didn’t qualify. No problem — my personal qualifications are what count:-). To paraphrase Paul Simon — If I took all the boys I knew when I was single/And brought them all together for one night/I know they’d never match my sweet imagination/And everything looks better in black and white.
And while I do not wish to be crude, they ARE called L’il Abner and Tiny.
Bunnë
September 5th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
#53 Chris — the problem with coach Kaz is the giant pearl earrings and the body parts that don’t properly connect to each other. These things are a turnoff.
SecretMargo
September 5th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
52: Thanks! And thanks for the update on your comic! Sorry for my panting impatience, it’s just that I need my weekly hairy-legged-boys-of-Chicago fix now too. How many addictions can one SecretMargo have?
Buck Ripsnort
September 5th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Am I showing my age when I say I had a huuuuuge crush on Prince Valient growing up. And the skiffi channel (they spell it sci-fi for some reason) reminds me that the original Flash Gordon was major hotness too.
Then again, you’v got your Fearless Fosdick; an extra hole comes in handy at times.
FreshHell
September 5th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
53 – See #19. My thoughts exactly
The Divine O’F
September 5th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
Poteet re the Dogpatch boys: BWAHAHA!
Prince Valiant: I could never get past his Storybook Princess haircut.
Uncle Lumpy, I hope you find a pic of Basil. With an orchid. I have a great image of him in my mind, non-downloadable.
Everyone: gotta go. Major thunderstorms coming. Last time this happened, on Saturday, we lost our electricity for eight hours. :(
odinthor
September 5th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
Basil? Basil? BASIL?!?!! The pleasantly portly evidently middle-aged guy who wore a sporty cap, whose hair ended in a ducktail, who had the strangest-looking cartoon cat you’ve ever seen, who was frequently pursued by a hag, and whose wonderful nearly wordless strip by Gerry Lants ran in the early 1970s in the Los Angeles Times (if not elsewhere), ended about June 1977, and is still missed terribly by me? That’s one unjustly forgotten strip which merits being remembered and issued as a collection in book form!
Chris
September 5th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
Oh! Sorry, FreshHell!
I meant to include a disclaimer about maybe having missed it, but, yes, he’s a man totally comfortable in his masculinity, earrings, fab hairstyle, and not to mention that he spends an incredible amount of time around young men, including nekkid in the locker room.
Wonder what his pile of magazine stack bedside contains…
banana
September 5th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I love rob wilco’s perpetual bedhead. And he always looks so stressed out (who wouldn’t, with a cat like bucky) I just want to console him…
Slim pickins with this post though.
LightSyrup
September 5th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
#21 kate
I concur *nods*
Mountain Mama
September 5th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Dear Cutter John! I’d forgotten about him. Shame on me.
I still miss “Bloom County.” Sorry, Breathed, but the current “Opus” just doesn’t soar, darn it!
If Milo had been an adult, I would have had a huge comics crush on him. As it was, I thought Cutter John was a cutie.
God, I miss Milo.
AhClem
September 5th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
What? No mention of Tumbleweeds, the single eligible cowboy who was constantly being chased and tackled by Hildegard Hamhocker? I’m surprised! No, wait, I guess I’m not, even though T’weeds was a pretty decent strip 30 years ago.
RMMD – I’m surprised nobody has mentioned that Heather is so traumatized by the whole car-bomb-and-kidnapping episode that she has taken up smoking in today’s strip. At least, that’s what the strange juxtaposition of her right hand and the table edge looks like. Either that, or she’s auditioning for a part in FW.
Spotted HØrse
September 5th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
I don’t want to be tiresome, but let’s not go into that good night without once more acknowledging Cedric, Super Butler, catnip to the ladies and a little slice of hell to Frenglish-speaking, Metro-riding punks, überconfident slinger of the canape tray.
“Tiny” Yokum looks like he failed the audition for a Tom of Finland drawing. Can’t quite put my finger on what’s missing.
Little A.
September 5th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Gunk from Curtis — there’s a man!
Chris
September 5th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
#67, what about Onion???!!!
True Fable
September 5th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
#66 Spotted HOrse – I second the astonishment that SuperCedric was left out, even though he was essentially a guest, a mere day player. But hey, Abbey and her Magnificent Mams are still in Paree, and she has yet to meet SuperCedric’s super-nutso wife as they hinted she would, so he’s still in the running, or should be.
Islamorada Girl
September 5th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Girl Reporter says:
#31 rhonda from kansas says:
I miss Basil.
Me too
And I’m with the Divine One. rhonda and GIrl Reporter.
Basil St. John, Man of Mystery, Black Orchids and an eyepatch,
Brenda Starr’s elusive One True Love back in the day, was a comics hottie. Interestingly enough, Brenda’s creator, Dale Messick, was one of the rare female cartoonists in the biz.
Basil, for those who came in late, lived deep in the jungles of the Amazon, where he bred the rare black orchids whose serum kept him from dying from some mysterious, unnamed disease. Every once in a while he would turn up in Brenda’s life, signalling his presence with a black orchid. Then, just as things were getting good and it seemed Brenda and Basil would be together forever, he would disappear again. Now, when you are a little girl who follows the funnies, that is romance, right ladies?
Spotted HØrse
September 5th, 2007 at 6:43 pm
#69 True Fable: Geez, what with Rusty and Trudi busting out all over, I forgot all about Abbey Spencer. Such an embarrassment of riches.
Anyway, one hopes we get to meet Cedric’s “I like ‘em young” psycho wife. One certainly does.
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
September 5th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
ATTENTION EARTHERS! THE COUNTDOWN HAS BEGUN! INVASION IS UPON YOU! HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR BOTTLED WATER AND BAGS OF ICE! AND SCOTCH! TO MIX WITH THE WATER AND ICE!
THE ONE CALLED #54 POTEET! CHENNUX KNOWS OF YOUR AFFECTION FOR ISLAY MALTS! CHENNUX SHARES YOUR PASSION AND APPRECIATES YOUR MENTION OF HIS IMPERIAL SCALINESS RE: CARTOON CHARACTER HOTNESS! SOON, VERY SOON, THERE WILL BE A REASON TO CELEBRATE THAT! HAHA!
END TRANSMISSION! MYSTERIOUSLY!
Islamorada Girl
September 5th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
And by the way, I agree with everyone who said Rob Wilco’s personal hygiene probably leaves a lot to be desired. I bet his whole place smells like used kitty litter and rancid old laundry. And stale dope smoke. Lots of stale dope smoke.
Sal Paradise
September 5th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
Come on, ladies! No votes for the Shocker?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 5th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Again, you completely forget about what a hunk Shirtless Zippy is.
Poteet
September 5th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
# 70 — Yes indeed, Islamorada Girl. If my heart had not been pledged to Steve Canyon at the time, I could definitely have gone for Basil St. John.
Rob Wilco has his good points, but I sometimes find him annoying for the same reasons that I sometimes find myself annoying. I see him more as someone with whom I’d exchange cat stories at an informal social gathering, and then he’d wander off to find another computer game fanatic and I’d wander off to check out the food table. In my part of Iowa, there’s almost always a food table.
Poteet
September 5th, 2007 at 7:02 pm
# 72 — Your Imperial Snarkiness, I hear and obey. Islay malt on stand-by…
gnome de blog
September 5th, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Has anybody ever wondered why you never see any women at all on Planet Wilco? Is it just the hygiene?
I don’t mean to be erm, curmudgeonly, but I have to wonder about any guy who’s routinely oursmarted by his cat.
gnome de blog
September 5th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
That’s “outsmarted.” I should talk. I’m routinely oursmarted [sic] by my keyboard.
El Santo
September 5th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Everybody’s frontrunner was Seth? Really? I guess I’m in the minority then: he looks too much like a muppet. And me being a guy who owns a shirt that says “I appreciate the Muppets on a deeper level than you” (courtesy of The Onion).
#75 —- Yes, I cannot believe Zippy was not in the running. That strip reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Ned Flanders takes off his shirt, and turns out he’s neck-and-neck with Groundskeeper Willie for most buff Springfield resident.
And no love for Kaz? Oh sure, there’s the Heat Miser hair and the pearl earrings, but — uh, never mind.
commodorejohn
September 5th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
#64 Mountain Mama – “If Milo had been an adult, I would have had a huge comics crush on him.”
I can understand that. While I don’t rate guys’ attractiveness (being a guy myself and all,) I think a late-high-school Milo would be pretty awesome just as a character. He’d be the kid who doesn’t actually do any drugs, but knows where to get them if he did want to, and who runs the school paper not out of some sense of duty to the student body, but because it allows him to have an official voice (remember all those crazy stories he tried to run in the Bloom Beacon?)
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 5th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
And what happened to every girl’s favorite butler, Super Cedric?
Jamus The Bartender
September 5th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
THE CAT AND THE CURMUDGEON
Chapter Four
Cat Scratch Fever
Wednesday night in the “Ten Forward ” equivalent of the Tarzana Nights. We haven’t named the bar yet. Sweet Adeline’s sounds good to me. I’ve put a suggestion box on the bar for possible names. Uncle Lumpy is bringing the begging bowl around to keep the Tarzana Nights running. I promise to put in some coin as soon as I go to the store to get some furnishings.
“Still workin’ on that, huh?”
“Yeah” I answer as I pour Uncle L a beer.
“Jamus, what’s your thought on masculine, hunky guys in comics, or the lack thereof?”
This had been an issue of debate for the past couple of days. Sam Driver was a contender. So was Cass’ manmeat, Buford. Ditto old classics Li’l Abner and his brother Tiny. “Honestly, Uncle L, I haven’t given it a lot of thought…” I said, wiping the bar thoughtfully.” I mean, the point of comics was to entertain, and not make guys feel like the Sea Hag.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well….I recall reading something in Scott McCloud’s book about comic strips sort of being the bastard child of newspapers. Sort of a necessary evil to sell ‘em, you know?
“Anyway, at the turn of the century, during the heyday of the mass produced comic’s page, when actual stories were being produced, and not just political cartoons, it was usually the man who was buying the newspaper, and not the little wifey. If I was producing a comic strip, i’d want to make the hero a normal schlub, but funny and clever. Witness Mutt and Jeff, Dagwood, Beetle…even Dick Tracy once had the workaday guy about him. ”
” The flip side of this is that you’ve got these guys with improbably beautiful partners, as eye candy for the breadwinner. Obviously things have changed since then. Seth from Chickweed being a prime example. Actually , another example no one mentioned was Patrick Ryan from Terry And The Pirates. Babes were falling all over him.”
As if on cue, a fox….I mean a real, lady fox….clicked towards the bar, her hips swaying slightly…but with purpose. She sat directly across from me, while I was polishing some glasses, but worked real hard at not looking at me.
Uncle Lumpy noticed this and grinned.” That’s something to think about, Jamus, ” he said, sizing up Maureen Fox, single mom and IT Coordinator.
” Catch ya on the flip side, Lumpy”
Uncle Lumpy grinned and headed to the ship’s bridge. Running the Tarzana Nights was busy work in Josh’s abscence. I filled up some peanut and popcorn baskets and asked the lovely Ms. Fox, “What can I getcha?”
She looked around for a two-count, cleared her throat and said, “I’ll have a Sex With Jamus…” much, much too loudly.
For a minute I thought the sun was in my ears. “Um….in the immortal words of the Virgin Mary…come again?”
She was busted. So to speak. But, give Maureen credit, she wasn’t gonna go down without a fight. She pointed to the drinks menu as though nothing untoward had been said. “Sex On The Beach.” she said imperiously. “Chop , chop !!” she added, snapping her fingers.
I smirked. An appropriate smirk, not like Batiuk does in Funky Winkerbean when he’s strapped for emotional response. I fixed her the drink, and slid it over. ” One Sex On The Beach.”
She chose not to notice the smirk and said in a small voice, “Thank you…”
I nodded and went back to writing a message on the tip jar. My tip jar, not Uncle Lumpy’s, which one and all should give generously too. I myself am strapped after Cassandra stole my stuff for cocaine, but will donate soonest. After writing “Tiping is not a city in China”, I turned to Maureen, who was nervously chewing on her pinky nail. “Um..” I started to say.
“You know, you think you’re probably gonna get into my pants after what happend with Violet and Ashely. First lemme tell ya. Ashley’s a slut. And she’s crazy. I’m suprised she didn’t burn down your apartment. And Violet is lonely. I’m looking for a man with stability, with lots of money and who doesn’t mind me having a kid, goddammit. I can’t be attracted to you. Not now. Not a brokey-broke like you. I mean, i’m sure you’re a very nice guy, Jamus. And you’re cute. And , if Violet and Ashley can be believed, really good in the sack. And god, you have a great ass….”
I put my hand up like the pastor does when he says ” Go in peace, Serve the Lord.” This quieted her down. ” All I was gonna say was that the Sex On The Beach is half-price tonight. ”
Maureen’s eyes grew wide….she squeaked out an “Oh…” while looking around, her face growing red. This seems to happen to me a lot. Watching fur blush. She twisted her hanky, and bit her lower lip.
Between closed lips, she murmured, ” You mean you’re not gonna pay for my drinkie?” and gave me a pouty look.
I grinned and moved in closer. “Did you get a sitter?”
She nodded furiously.
————————————————————————-
In my private berth on board the Tarzana Nights, a naked, sweaty fox was licking my ear, snuggling into me, my hand running down her lower back.
I smiled at her.”So what was all that talk about me being a brokey-broke?”
She pouted again. “I’m sowwy.” She said as I smacked her ass. “OWwwww. That hurts.” Whereupon she climbed on me again and bit my neck.
————————————————————————
“Who’s Cassandra?” Maureen asked me as she picked up her clothes. “Did you see my thong?”
“Draped over my computer monitor….why do you ask?”
She sighed a bit and said, ” I didn’t want to say anything, but you called out her name a few times.”
Oh dear, God in heaven…..
“It’s okay. That happened with my first husband. Twice. That should have been a sign. ” she said as she stepped into her underwear.” I mean, I knew you weren’t exactly a virgin….but everyone’s heard about Cassandra…i’d have figured you’d have gotten over her by now.”
“So did I ” I said, taking a pull from a fifth of Jim Beam.
She looked at me with the look I hate. Pity. “Jamus…you’re a really nice guy. You’ve gotta learn to move on. You’re too nice to let this consume you. ”
She kissed me on the cheek. I smiled. “Thank you Maureen. For everything. I know you wouldn’t do this with a lot of guys.”
She stopped short at the door. “Oh, hell, we’re doing this again, don’t you worry. I mean, i’ll be looking for a daddy for my kid, sure, but…” she paused…” In the comic’s world, guys like you are hard to come by.” She grinned and stepped out.
She left a lipstick on the bedstand. I put it with the others….
***********************************************************
Eighteen months previous.
Things were going great between Cassandra and I. Yeah, she’d make “business trips” out of town, but she’d usually be back within a week or so. Time enough to re-enact our favorite chapters from The Story Of O. It was a great time. She’d tie me to her scratching post. And forget the code word.
Talks were a little difficult though.
“And there was Buford Bull. He was a nice guy….but he had a tiny dick. There was Reeky Rat. He was good in bed, but he was a jerk. Okay, that’s all the guys i’ve been with. Now you have to tell me who you’ve been with.”
Every guy dreads this conversation. But it’s necessary to a healthy relationship.
“You slept with Liz Patterson? EWWWW. She’s got a big butt.”
“Margo Magee? I hate her. She is SUCH a bitch.”
“Who’s Vera Shields? It sounds like my panty liners.”
The scariest was when I told her about Edda Burber. ” You even THINK about going near her again and I will kill her. Understand? She’s dead.” And she popped her claws to punctuate her point.
Now, any other guy would have run screaming into the night. Sadly, Mother The Bartender was somewhat lacking when it came to addressing the finer points of women. It was usually limited to “find a good woman in church” and that sort of thing. Still, I think she would have approved me running screaming into the night at the above.
But, I didn’t.
Strangely, this turned me on all the more.
“Long as you steer clear of Reeky…” I said, my hands cupping her firm breasts….
**********************************************************
Maureen was right. I had to move on. I placed Maureen’s lipstick next to the one Cassandra had left months before.
The one which still held a slight residue of cocaine. Not noticable to the naked eye, but which could be picked up by those police gadgets they show on the Discovery Channel.
End Of Chapter Four
Foobar
September 5th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Li’l Abner? He is inhuman and his stride reflects it.
Nice to see Slylock got some support. You’ve got to respect the sense of style of a man who can pull off a deerstalker, cape and shorts. At the beach!
Seth and everyone at 9CL can take a long walk off a short pier, but I have to throw my support behind Ted Forth as one of the most simply agreeable men in all comicdom.
Jamus The Bartender
September 5th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
70. Damn. Now that I think about it…that’s what i’ve got going with me and Cassandra in Cat and Curmudgeon. Right down to the drugs. It must have been an unconscious thing.
Gabe
September 5th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
commodorejohn: Milo is pretty much who I patterned my life after.
To counterpoint O’F’s deep hatred of Bloom County (to each her own), it’s been one of the heaviest influences on my life out of all the comics.
(I am a journalist, though I can’t get away with accusing random people of murdering Jimmy Hoffa.)
Girl Friday
September 5th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Okay, just checked in only to realize I’d missed a really important debate. Can we discuss Warren from FBoFW? I know everyone’s hating on FOOB these days, but Warren should not be blamed for Liz’s poor choices. He’s hot and flies helicopters! Plus he escaped Patterson clutches. Any other Warren fans out there?
Jamus The Bartender
September 5th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
87. Now that you mention it, GF, I do have some thoughts on Warren.
Warren is gay.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with this , of course, except Warren himself does not seem to realize it. A man who pirouettes off the steps as Liz half-ass accepts a date from him and says something like “I’m not gonna walk home…i’m gonna FLY!” and looks like he’s gonna break into his version of “Maria” from West Side Story, but substituting Liz’ name for Maria’s instead, is gay.
Honestly. Plus, he spent too much time looking at other women’s pictures. I honestly think Liz was right to let him go. Not because he worked too much, but because sooner or later, Liz would have found a pair of underpants that didn’t belong to her or Warren.
It’s the pirouette. Watch for it.
The Avocado Avenger
September 5th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
#11 Dimwit?!
Okay. Li’l Abner is a dimwit, but I shall not apologize. Like Quiche Lorraine once said, “I like my men big and dumb. We’re talkin’ Jethro Clampett material here.”
Blondie
September 5th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Oh my god! I totally forgot about Rob “Pinky” Wilko! Thank you to anyone who gave him a vote, I’m behind ya 100%
Ukulele Ike
September 5th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
(waves hand) Heterosexual male here, but one with the bad habit of listening to the stuff heterosexual women say. (I also cook, girls! Line up!)
The odd thing about Li’l Abner, Tiny, and other more fetching males of the Capp universe is that they HAVE NO ASSES. Straight women, the first thing they seem to check out are those tight, springy buns. While the Yokum boys sport broad shoulders and massive biceps, they ain’t got no hips.
Tabby
September 5th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
#70 When I was about 10, that storyline just seemed so mysterious and romantic! Didn’t they end up getting married and having a child and then Basil and the little girl crashing a plane in the jungle, never to be found? Brenda seemed to be, well, rather relieved, and that’s about the point I lost track of the strip. Hadn’t thought about in YEARS, until the amazing Josh began to read it, so I didn’t have to.
As far as the beefcake thing, Tabby is feral. Not like THAT Jamus, like lives out in the woods and takes care of her own, thank you. That being said, Seth would be a nice safe choice – charming, kind and not really threatning!
Tabby Lavalamp
September 5th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Anthony.
He’s just like Dad! YUM!
Tabby
September 5th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
Um, that should be
..”takes care of her own kittens,”..
It might be taken a little strange the way I typed it!
93, How many Tabbys do we have on here?
bobbaloo (aka bob byrd)
September 5th, 2007 at 8:56 pm
a week? Neddy and Abby have been gone a WEEK? holy christ, they left on January 7th! 9 months in real time = less than 7 days? this is the SLOWEST moving comic in the history of the world.
Bitter Scribe
September 5th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
#26: I’d say [Al Capp] was caustic, but not nasty.
ToMAYto, toMAHto…
commodorejohn
September 5th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
#88 Jamus The Bartender – In Warren’s defense: the pirouetting makes plenty of un-gay sense – it’s not that he’s happy to be with Liz, it’s that he’s unutterably pleased with himself because he managed to get the Ice Queen Of The Universe to sort-of accept a date with him. Think about what an accomplishment that is (barring the fact that she’s totally undesirable, of course, because Lynn has blinded her characters to that fact,) and then consider whether you wouldn’t be pirouetting. And as far as the looking at other women thing goes, that’s evidence as inadmissable as Paul’s nailing Susan – it doesn’t actually reflect on Warren as a character, because it was engineered by authorial fiat to bring Lizthony together. It’s like how in cartoons, when the evil genius mind-controls the hero, nobody holds the hero responsible for his controlled actions afterwards – it wasn’t Warren’s fault, just like it wasn’t Paul’s fault.
Jym Wilco
September 5th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
=78= GF (gnome de blog): Early on in the strip, Rob actually spent a little bit of time in the company of a woman. Joe actually came over and visited on occasion. I presume that was before the smell got so overwhelming.
=96= LA (Bitter Scribe): For years I have read about how Li’l Abner was fine satire. When I asked how “Get a job, hippie!” and “Get a haircut, hippie!” qualified as fine satire, I was told that it was better in its pre-caustic days. So I hunted down that stuff, and it was all like, “Politicians sure do lie a lot, unlike us wholesome hillbilly folk.”
srah
September 5th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Seth from 9CL? Really? I can’t stand anything from 9CL, but I must be in the minority.
Angostora Bitters
September 5th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
I really don’t believe women are pickier than men. I just think men don’t put nearly as much effort into making themselves desirable. We go for other attributes because that’s all we have to go on. We take what we can get. The handsome-on-the-outside ones are as rare as unicorns. If you guys were all better looking, we’d be less choosy.
And goddamn we need more women writing comics. THEN mebbe we’ll see a little more beefcake.
NotThatGuy
September 5th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
I gotta admit, when I was a wee lass in my early teens, I adored Basil St. John and his black orchid nonsense.
Nowadays? I can’t think of a current comic ‘throb, but I admit I had kinda a think about Hobbes.
LTBF
September 5th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
Somebody at the coffee talk page said Warren wouldn’t be a good man for Liz because he had a “wandering eye” and used his looking at Weed’s photos as an example.
If I go somewhere and a bunch of half naked women’s pictures are hanging on the wall, yes I’m going to look even if my wife is with me.
And why is Weed such a great guy for whoever he’s shacked up with if he’s taking the pictures and has the naked hos right there with him. Don’t tell me its “art”, why doesn’t he take and display pictures of good looking guys if he’s such an artist. He just likes looking at hot half naked women.
But since he a best friend of a Patterson, he gets a pass.
Pansy Yokum
September 5th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
I guess this means I can have Derle all to myself…
Pansy Yokum
September 5th, 2007 at 11:46 pm
Odinthor @60:
Basil was an Australian strip by Gerry Lant. It’s included in lists of comic strips, but I can’t find anything else about it.
minnie
September 5th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
FW — #10 Hysterical Woman, I burst out laughing at your comment. It set me right up for CommodoreJohn’s #24, which got me laughing even harder… weird bliss.
When I was a kid I loved Tarzan of the Apes weekend colour strip; I longed to be his Tarzana: oops, Jane — you slipped?
And Prince Valiant’s gorgeous pal Gawain? He was more of a partier than serious Val and probably had great whisky stashed in the stables.
I loved FOOB for years. Why the change, I wonder… I thought Elly’s brother, the trumpeter, was cool, and I still love Weed.
Now? A lot of the men in Robb Armstrong’s “Jump Start” are not too shabby at all. Joe for example. His hunky brothers. But I’ll pass on Joe’s cop-car partner — I suspect he smells like a stale cat-box.
kostia
September 6th, 2007 at 12:30 am
#64 Mountain Mama, you about broke my heart. I miss Milo too! And considering I was pretty much his age for the first few years of Bloom County, I don’t feel wrong about my comics crush on him.
He was brilliant.
Jason
September 6th, 2007 at 8:13 am
What is this great-leap forward in Funky Winkerbean you speak of? Is this like what happened back in the early 90’s? If so who will be not killed off by cancer by that point in the future? There will only be like 2 characters left. I envision some sort of huge cancer plague-epidemic.
e
September 6th, 2007 at 9:06 am
No love for Mike Doonesbury? I admit I had a crush on him in my younger days . . . but I also had a crush on Jon as depicted in “Garfield in Paradise” (not in his usual can’t get a date, pre-dating Liz days). Ah, the 80s.
holli
September 6th, 2007 at 11:25 am
All this time I thought I was the only one with a guilty hankering for Rob Wilco.
SmartPeopleOnIce
September 6th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
So let me understand this: bubbling Florence flasks + eyepatch = “Hunk”.
Here my first guess would have been “dangerous laboratory incompetence”. Silly me.
I guess if he were missing a limb, he’d be beating them off with a stick (with the remaining limb, of course).
Sheesh. Dames.
Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W wuz here]
September 6th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
Avocado Avenger @89 – Jethro Bodine was pretty clearly inspired by Abner Yokum. I imagine when they made the Beverly Hillbillies, they were working off a list. “Okay, now we need a Mammy who’s not a Mammy.” “How about a granny?” “Genius! Okay, now we need a Daisy Mae…”
Mountain Mama
September 6th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Kostia, I was in college when I first found Bloom County and I just fell. in. love. With the whole thing. I have all the books, through all my moves, and I have a stuffed Opus somewhere.
It’s my second favorite strip (after “Peanuts,” the great and holy influence on them all).
So, Gabe, you fancy yourself a grownup Milo? Do tell!
kevin
September 6th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
UL, how could you forget when the french punks got stripped and tied up in Judge Parker? That’s the beefiest cake I’d seen possibly ever in the daily comics, the bondage adding to an extra kinky element.http://joshreads.com/?cat=51&paged=3
Jana C.H.
September 6th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
No one else like Carlos from Dykes to Watch Out For? Though I confess I probably like Seth better; I have a weakness for blonds with nice arms. If he were only a little shorter, say 5′6″, and wore a black turtleneck…
Jana C.H.
Seattle
Saith JcH, 4′10″: I like a man I can reach.
King Folderol
September 6th, 2007 at 7:05 pm
JP – Sam looks a little buzzed in last year’s strip. In this one, he looks totally sloshed. So it takes 10 months to get drunk in Judge Parker time.
SecretMargo
September 6th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
113: I knew I liked you kevin. Aaaah, les punques de mes rêves. NEVER FORGET.
John
September 7th, 2007 at 10:07 am
Henry: Given the way the puffs of air are positioned in panel 4, for a minute there, I thought it read “ISLAM!” rather than “SLAM!” — is Trachte trying to avoid the fate of the cartoonists for Jyllands Posten?
Poteet
September 7th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Basil! Basil! Yep, if it weren’t for Steve Canyon, you might have been the one.