The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: Coming soon: MARK TRAIL THEATER!!!

You’ve had plenty of opportunities to read Mark Trail on this site. But you’ve probably said to yourself, “I wish I could see this comic strip stiffly acted out by amateurs! Nothing too long — only five or ten minutes, say — and perhaps in the context of a larger variety show setting.”

Well, sir or madam, if you live in the Baltimore area, or are willing to travel to same, your dreams are about to come true.

No, Mark, not even you and your flying fists can stop it! On Friday, November 9, and Saturday, November 10, some friends and I will be putting on Mark Trail Theater! Thrill as actual Mark Trail dialog and action is rendered into live performance on the stage! Marvel at the incredible resemblance between at least some of our actors and the characters that they will portray! Laugh at the deadpan irony as you try to sort out whether our performance is an homage, a parody, or something in between! One of us will be wearing a real live bear suit! DON’T MISS IT!

Mark Trail Theater will be but a single act within Glitterama!, a variety show put on by the Fluid Movement performance art group. If you live in or near Baltimore, you really ought to know about Fluid Movement by now, but if you don’t, Glitterama will be an excellent introduction. Other acts with which we will be sharing the stage include (but are not limited to) lion taming, torch song singing, gender bending, and black-lit poi swinging! (I have no idea what that last one means.) This is the third Glitterama show and the previous two were awesome — and they didn’t even have me in them, so this will clearly be all the better! The shows tend to be a bit racy; probably best not to bring the younger kids.

The performances will be at the Load of Fun Studios at the corner of Howard St. and North Ave. in Baltimore. The Friday show is a 8 p.m.; Saturday shows are at 7 p.m. and 10 p.m. Tickets are $10; you can buy online at Brown Paper Tickets or at the door (if you want to risk them being sold out, which you don’t, obviously).

More updates and reminders to you to attend this fabulous performance will be upcoming. Possibly including a picture of a guy in a bear suit.

Speaking of upcoming events, those of you who are going to Small Press Expo in Bethesda tomorrow (Saturday), don’t forget that I’m moderating a panel on comics stripping with Keith Knight, Ted Rall, Bill Griffith, and Nicholas Gurewitch at 12:30 p.m. Don’t miss it!

Finally, on a totally unrelated note: as you may or may not know, one of my freelance clients is a tech-related site named ITworld.com. They’re doing a gadget giveaway over there in which you can win a Swiss Army Knife with a USB flash drive built in. All you gotta do to enter is give them your e-mail address. Somebody’s got to win; why not one of you?

This entry was posted on Friday, October 12, 2007 at 02:49 pm and is filed under Mark Trail, metaposts.

231 responses to “Metapost: Coming soon: MARK TRAIL THEATER!!!”

hungry/muskie 08 (PeteMoss sez vote)
October 12th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

Josh, I fear you’ll be typecast as the hillbilly heavy, what with all that facial hair, and all. Still, there are no small rolls.
ltrftp(not so first time)
October 12th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

Hungry Muskie
I like the small rolls you get at Panera’s.
Lucy Van Pelt
October 12th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

Will he be knocking the hair off scum? Will he
Ben
October 12th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

Does anyone remember this little statement from August 12, 2004? (I don’t, I just happened to be going through the archives since Josh was nice enough to provide a link):
“I’m going to start a new avant-garde performance project called Mark Trail Theater.”
Have you been planning this for 3+ years Josh?!?
OK, if you look at this quote in context, it clearly means something else, but still. That’s some consistency right there.
calico
October 12th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

Josh,
Who’s going to play Shirley?
Remus
October 12th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

I like pressed rolls, personally. I just wanted to update the Mudge Community that I have been in an ongoing struggle to get Scaduto to accept one of my ideas. Clearly I lack the inherent Scadutoese skills of a Trotzenbonnie or AppleGirl, for my previous two ideas were politely rebuffed, but this one’s a winner. I hope to announce my triumph next week. Please do some chanting for me if so inclined.
hungry/muskie 08 (PeteMoss sez vote)
October 12th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Who will play Shirley’s cousin, Phyillis, who smashed into the cockpit of a plane, temporarily blinding the pilot. Man, that’s drama!

Remember to project!
Chris
October 12th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

Will there be giant squirrels, talking trees, and ingenuous bears who don’t understand all the hostility directed their way?
hungry/muskie 08 (PeteMoss sez vote)
October 12th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

# 2 ltrftp(not so first time

I considered writing that there were no small “parts,” but, acutally, there are.

Any chance this act will go on the road or become a Andrew Lloyd Weber musical or something? Phatom of Lost Forrestf?
The Denstress
October 12th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Please Please Please tape the event so we can all enjoy. Those like me out in Oregon need some entertainment beyond Cully Vale antics!
Chris
October 12th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Kelly Welly–Teri Hatcher
Cherry Trail–Morenna Baccarin
Rusty–Herve Villachaize
Mark–Jim Caveziel
Sam Hill–Cindy Crawford
Red Greenback
October 12th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

The beauty of Mark Trail Theater is all the roles are speaking parts (body,squirrels, cabins, etc.)
Uncle Lumpy
October 12th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Re . . . mus!
Re . . . mus!
Re . . . mus!
willethompson
October 12th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

I. Am. So. There.

Is the role of ‘Facial O’ Hare’ taken? If not, dibs!
mckenzee
October 12th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

I’ll be at SPX, in my traditional kilt and black Chucks.
Groovymarlin
October 12th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Congratulations Josh! Hollywood/Broadway/whatever, here you come!

In related news: Galactic Emperor Chennux will be dramatizing FOOB and Funky Cancerbean strips, and will play all parts, in the new production of “GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX FINGERPUPPET THEATER: APPLAUD NOW HUMANS OR FACE THE MAGMACANNONS, HA HA!”

I for one welcome our new alien cultural overlord.
hungry/muskie 08 (PeteMoss sez vote)
October 12th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

I’d like to help out building the giant honeycomb set. This show could also use a ginormous flat cut-out of a squirrel set up at the front of the stage and maybe some huge, stuffed canadian geese floating above the audience. Think Pink Floyd preportions.
Remus
October 12th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

Josh, I hope you got a ride to the event. Perhaps you and the obliging driver can brush up on your text messaging skills together. Please be sure to ascertain that there are in fact beds wherever you will be staying, however. “YOU MEAN THERE ARE NO BEDS IN THIS CABIN?” (obnoxious attempt at villain-esque laughter follows interminably.)
Groovymarlin
October 12th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

Perhaps you can tape a squirrel to the bottom of one of the seats at the venue and give that lucky person a prize! Make sure it’s a real squirrel.
hungry/muskie 08 (PeteMoss sez vote)
October 12th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

Will it be performed in color or black and white? It only comes in black and white in my local paper so as not shock our consciences with transgendered foul.
hungry/muskie 08 (PeteMoss sez vote)
October 12th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

20. Ok, it’s “printed” in our local paper. Shessh.
LisaG
October 12th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

Is this improv or scripted? Any chance you will allow for audience participation? This makes me so proud and happy to live in Maryland!
Darkefang
October 12th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

A3G: “What are you saying, Eric?”

Haven’t you ever noticed that Alan and I look exactly alike? That’s not a coincidence. I had myself cloned. That way, the clone can do all the hard work while I spend my time not proposing to you.

Archie: I don’t have the exact ratio worked out, but whenever Veronica or Betty are wearing sexy outfits, the punchlines are even lamer than usual. This can only be an attempt by the AJGLU to distract us from jokes that even a robot can tell are unfunny.

BB: Beetle isn’t fooling anybody with that story. The whole barracks knows that it was Sarge’s turn to be the gimp.

DtM: Wow, Alice must be going for the European look this year.

FC: Dolly, stop feeling sorry for yourse… err… I mean “Carol.”

Foob: I’m not a fashion expert, but I’d say that if Connie wants to find a husband, she might want to stop dressing like she’s already married to Santa Claus.

GT: Well, now I guess we understand why Cully perpetually has the look of someone who’s taken too many blows to the head: blows to the head from folding chairs, that is.

H&L: I have to say, I’m curious to hear Chip’s band. Judging from their outfits, Chip’s spiky headed friend is heavily influenced by the Sex Pistols. Chip’s chubby friend brings Afrika Bambaataa to the mix. And Chip is obviously emulating Pat Benatar.

Luann: Why is Brad acting like he wasn’t around for the planning of TJ’s little scheme?
gnome de blog
October 12th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

What The Denstress said. We may have a beaver on our state flag, but WE HAVE NO CULTURE. Any chance you’ll be taking the show on the road?

I’m sure this is only the beginning. It won’t be long before you’re playing The Palace, or at least local-access cable TV.
Red Greenback
October 12th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

Hey Josh, maybe you could make scrach & sniff cards for the MTT audience like John Waters did with Polyester.
commodorejohn
October 12th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

A3G – “What are you talking about, silly creature? Can’t we get back to me?”

Curtis – What is this? Random Plot Threads Left Hanging Week?

FC – um where is the joke

FOOB – Compare this with yesterday’s trip. Notice anything? Same basic message, yeah, but doesn’t it seem a little less ham-handed and artificial? Yeah.

FW – “Well, it can’t get any-aw crap.”

GT – Oh, that’s who Cully is supposed to be! The Jolly Green Giant!

MT – Is it just me, or is the nurse wearing a giant telephone handset on her head?

MW – Why is Vera always wearing that “infant who just got fooled by an object persistence test” look?

RMMD – Believe me, Niki, you’d much rather have your own sleeping bag on this trip. And do I want to know what a “leader” is? Because I’m entirely sure Rex is not referring to fishing gear.

SF – Hehe, “Quarrymen.” Rock on.

SM – “As a matter of fact, Peter…?” In Spider-Man’s world, the employment opportunities are more sinister than the supervillains.

Edison Lee – What the hell? This is like…a Herb & Jamal-caliber Setup That Nobody Would Ever Say.
Just_human
October 12th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

1. Thanks for the link to the Swiss Army knife. I totally want to win that.
2. Can you have someone tape it, and Youtube it when it’s done? Most of your readers (I’m projecting here) live too far away to see this live.
Gabe
October 12th, 2007 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

I demand youtube.

And damn, you’ve been planning this for three years? It takes that long?
banana
October 12th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

who will play the ‘jack elrod’ ball that appears in every strip?
El Santo
October 12th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

So is the actress playing Sam Hill going to need some giant novelty bras with cantaloupes and eye drops for pupil dilation or what?
SmartPeopleOnIce
October 12th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

One of us will be wearing a real live bear suit!

Now, I’m not a theatre person, but isn’t “wearing a live bear suit” the same as “getting eaten by a bear”?
Eric the DiscoBoy.
October 12th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

Congrats, Josh! Please let there be a YouTube upload in this project’s future…
Dennis Jimenez
October 12th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

11 – I’m still for Henry Rollins as MT – of course the flanel shirts will have to cover his tattoos.
hungry/muskie 08 (PeteMoss sez vote)
October 12th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

#31 SPOI

Good point. The only good bear suit is a dead bear suit, I always say.
Uncle Lumpy
October 12th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

#29 banana –

who will play the ‘jack elrod’ ball that appears in every strip?

Sally Rand

Mildly NSFW.
Red Greenback
October 12th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

Won’t the heat be unbearable? *rimshot*
SmartPeopleOnIce
October 12th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

34 – H/M Ya gotta admit, though, it does take the edge off of bearing bad news: Good news, ma’am! We found your husband! He’s wearing a live bear suit!

Yet, so many questions remain. Do they have to change the name of the actor in the program for each show? Or only after the bear, um, poops?
Harry Paratestes
October 12th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Wow, Josh, the Mark Trail Theater sounds pretty cool, I’ll have to see if I can scare up the time.
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
October 12th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

MARK TRAIL? On stage? I think I’ll pass. I’ve seen children’s theater and don’t think it would be any different.

Today’s PHANTOM was so boldly dumb and outlandish it made me laugh. Was this intentional?

A live bear suit? Is it hooked up to a machine, but still lives , but is a flat liner?
Sans Sense
October 12th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

I’m holding out for the Va-Ziggy Monologues.
Harry Paratestes
October 12th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

Also, if you buy your bearsuit used at a ‘furry’ convention, you might just want to put it through the wash cycle before wearing. Just sayin’, you know. ;-)
Harry Paratestes
October 12th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

#25 Red
That’s a completely awesome idea! I second the motion.
Control-C Control-X
October 12th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Will we get to see amateurs acting out one of Mark Trail’s many photojournalism assignments? Hopefully one which will inevitably lead him to discover environmental misdeeds, most often solved with a crushing right cross?

The whole damn world is waiting for someone to invent teleportation. Baltimore seems so close by.
NightRaven
October 12th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Hehmm… so, I found this silly site on the Internets, and well…. I came up with this:
http://www.mushygushy.com/LDJTJG
turns out Jarrod had *another* friend! (And, yeah, I know he wasn’t the boat wrestler, but they didn’t specify what kind of wrestling, so I made it into boat wrestling. (Which kind of makes the whole incident even more violent perhaps))
I’m sure there are more experienced snarkers here that could’ve done this better, but the site has some good opportunities for comic strip theater antics, easy to use too, so hopefully I’ll get to see some better versions soon…
bats :[
October 12th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

23. Darkefang: it’s okay about Connie in Foob. She might have on that massive overcoat and galoshes, but that’s ALL she’s wearing. And all the neighbors know it.
“Slut!”
“Frumpy housewife!”
Chris
October 12th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

Heh…I had to wear a bear suit in a 48-hour movie a friend of mine directed a couple of years ago…I was “Party Bear”, a novelty act for little kids’ parties.

And I got beaten up by a bunch of high schoolers who mocked me and my bear suit. Went to a bar, all bruised and battered, in my bear suit.

I still don’t understand their hostility to me.
Pendragon
October 12th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

Wow — John Waters, Josh, Ace of Cakes and now this? Baltimore is nine degrees of awesome!

Meanwhile, offensive stereotypes are running rampant in Steve Canyon! Film not at 11.
HBGlord
October 12th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

Last time i drove from NYC to Baltimore for some long-distance entertainment, it was to attend a screening at Bengies Drive-in. (Mme. HBGlord and i have an ongoing tradition of traveling laughable distances just to go to a drive-in to see a movie neither of us is the least bit interested in.) This particular drive-in is a pristine, perfectly preserved artifact, which is not a surprise, as Bengies is to drive-in cinemas what the Soup Nazi is to broth houses. No shoes? No movie for you!

And as far as it being a pristine, perfectly preserved artifact, you’ll either have to take my word for it, or you need to go there and see for yourself. The rules also forbid any photography whatsoever anywhere on the premises (not just sensibly directed at what’s on the screen). And yes, they mean still photos, too.
NotThatGuy
October 12th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

Josh, will you be selling DVDs of the performance? ‘coz SIGN ME UP!
Calico
October 12th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

#12 – don’t forget the infamous talking potato!
Calico
October 12th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

#25 – Scratch n’ Sniff Duck Doo!
Baka Gaijin
October 12th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

Any chance of a road show? I’m sure CrabbyGenes and I could talk the good people of Budokan to book the performance, joining such luminaries as The Beatles, Pearl Jam, and Dream Theater. Whoa. Mark Trail Theater is a dream…Dream Theater at Budokan. Destiny calls, Josh!
Lapsed Librarian
October 12th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

“Me too!”
Just adding another request to tape the show for us Left Coasters.
BlinkAndItsOver
October 12th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

Yes, a road tour, Josh. This could bring back Vaudeville! Only to kill it again, of course, but why let that stop you?
Red Greenback
October 12th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

#50-Calico- How could I ever forget. At least,”That’s what I believe happened”
Chris
October 12th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

I really, really hope to hear:

“You stole a friend of mine’s pet bear!!!”

Accompanied, of course, but a swifth RHOJ.
humorme
October 12th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

I’d like to hear about tomorrow’s expo! I’m a big fan of Keith Knight; I finally got to meet him and his wife and have him sign a calendar at the West Hollywood Book Fest the other weekend. He’s amazing and you’ll be in good company. Keep us posted!
Trotzenbonnie
October 12th, 2007 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

#48 – HBGLord
What torture awaits the Bengies patron who approaches the box office on foot while drinking a beer and carrying a shoeless child?
Trotzenbonnie
October 12th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

#52 – Baka
And don’t forget Cheap Trick!
Cyd
October 12th, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

Chris (46) — I heard about that 48 hr movie. The one my friend made had a moose in it. Was there a requirement for a large furry animal in every film, or was it just masochism?
Chris
October 12th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

#60 Cyd, I don’t remember…but my scene was me at the bar, battered and beaten…it was to let the main character know that his day hadn’t sucked as bad as he thought…getting the crap kicked of you, while wearing a bear suit, wasn’t as bad as getting fired as a barista, as our hero learned!
Chris
October 12th, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

Jeez…or, rather, “worse than”…!
Jamus The Bartender
October 12th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

Break a leg, Josh. And no horsing around backstage.
AMC
October 12th, 2007 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

What could be more patriotic?

It sounds like a celebration of life, liberty and the hirsute of slappyness.
Aaron
October 12th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

Can someone PLEASE youtube this for those of us who can’t make the trek?
Citric
October 12th, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

MT: As a long time Flintstones fan, I know Homer will wake up and think he’s a duck and Shirley is his wife. Or he’ll think he’s the world’s greatest lover, and try to seduce someone. Regardless, he’ll totally have a wacky personality change.

GT: Why does that jacket have a glowing M on it? Has the wearer suddenly turned into Peter Lorre?
Timbo
October 12th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

All I saw was”……. comics stripping with Keith Knight, Ted Rall, Bill Griffith, …….” and I’ve been in a daze for twenty minutes thinking about Ted Knight.

Thanks Josh
Porky
October 12th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

My hopes were lifted at the thought of maybe winning a Swiss Army Knife with a flash drive… then DASHED upon reading that your Neighbours To The North are excluded!

I shall be purchasing no “IT” from that company!
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 12th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

Okay, I can see where this is going. If Mark Trail Theater works out, you’ll want to expand your repertory’s repertoire. Thus, Rex Morgan MD Theater will be born.

All well and good, I say. But be very careful in vetting your cast. Make sure that your Niki is over 18, and has papers to prove it. You don’t want to suffer the fate of the guy who discovered Traci Lords.
Jym
October 12th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

=v= MT (Josh): Where are you going to find a troupe of players who all look essentially the same, except for hairstyles?
Citric
October 12th, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

Imagine the casting process!

“So you have a mustache”
“Yes”
“Is your jaw sturdy?”
Allie Cat
October 12th, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

#57 – Humor Me: Keith Knight’s K Chronicles never fail to make me:

a) laugh
b) think
c) both laugh and think

I would love to get to meet him – so I hope that Josh tells him that there’s Mudge Love aplenty for him!
Poteet
October 12th, 2007 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

If a guy is going to portray Molly, The Best Bear In The World, I demand that he be amazingly cute. In fact, I demand that anyway.

A ‘Mudge in a yesterthread (sorry, can’t remember who), speculated that now MT might actually deal with environmental issues, since the development project is resuming. Fat chance. MT sidesteps environmental issues with the loopy logic of a four-year-old. Wetland? Wet-land? Wet-wet! Wetty Tetty Shirley Wirley duckie wuckie fall on your head on a rock! Ha ha ha!
Dingo
October 12th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

What really irks me about the current stance of Funky Winkerbean is the stereotype of being mugged in New York City. Last year I had a job interview on Long Island. The last day I was there, I drove into Manhattan to see the Statue of Liberty and Battery Park. I missed my turn and had to go down a sidestreet. I rolled down the window and asked a woman who looked like a hooker for directions. She spent about four minutes telling me how to get where I needed to be. Once I got to Battery Park, I actually found parking on the street. I went, saw the park, the statue, took photos of tourists, and began heading back. As I was walking past the entrance to a parking garage, a woman was driving in and I called back to her that I had a spot on the street. She backed out and shouted for me to get in. I said that I’d walk but gave her the cross streets. She said that anyone willing to give her a free parking space deserved a ride back to it. We got to my car and she thanked me for telling her about it. She was dropping something off at her mother’s apartment and was going to pay a $17 parking fee to run up the stairs and back. She smiled and said I was obviously from out of town or I’d never move my car.

During my entire trip, every person I encountered was friendly, polite, and courteous. Batiuk has to again remind Midwesterners that NYC is filled with BAD PEOPLE. Hey, why not have Les visit friends in upstate Wisconsin? See how that goes.
Don, still just Don
October 12th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

I have that very Swiss Army knife, but it’s getting a little dated… only a 256MB blade. And the price of upgrading? Aiyaa! No bargains from SwissBit. Nonetheless, it’s allowed me to win the Nerd Olympics at my workplace two years running, even against the guy with the fuzzy twenty-sided dice hanging from his rear-view mirror.

But no Canadians? Dammit, I demand a Canadian-only contest promoted here sometime very soon!
LightSyrup
October 12th, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

Sorry, I know this isn’t related to Mark Trail Theatre, but I am on the Oregon Coast and won’t be making it to Baltimore in the very near future, so in lieu of making those plans:

Oh! GenEric is SO going to the feel the wrath of Margo Magee if what he’s proposing is a freaking business proposal!
bats :[
October 13th, 2007 at 12:06 am [Reply]

It’s the weekend; here are the Saturday strips:

9CL: I could’ve sworn that the plane and the hangar were lower.

Brewster Rockit: I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets calls like this.

FC: ‘Aldo Kelrast: The Early Years.’
Unnecessary tragedies like this can be prevented:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1557347215/

FOOB: okay, be calm, Elly. Just because Connie’s date didn’t work out last night doesn’t mean that she’s not interested in a threesome with you and John — after all, you’re friends…

FW: it’s like…like…Lisa is watching over Les! From beyond the grave! And Central Park!

GT: ~~Mongo~~ Cully just pawn in game of life…

MT: poor Mark! Looks like he’s not going to have anyone to punch. If I were an intern, I’d be hiding in a supply closet right about now.

MW: thank god Von is blonde, as his resemblance to Drew is uncanny. If Vera succumbs to his charms, it could be argued that her contacts fell out and she mistook Von for Drew.
Oh, wait, she’s still angry at Drew….eh, back to the incest plot.

PBS: awwww….Rat made a shirt for Dolly’s imaginary friend ‘Carol,’ but I’m sure he’ll let Dolly wear it.

RMMD: little does Niki realize that he’s going to learn a whole lot about shooting this weekend…
Godzooky
October 13th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

Friday JP: Christ, what an asshole!

Sat. JP: Ditto, doubled!

I’m no lawyer, but Sam’s blurting out every detail of their so-called negotiations and calling out Rusty’s hair-twirling at the dinner table seems sort of unprofessional to me.

And, as far as I’m concerned, it would be way better for Mr. Caesar to build (hopefully affordable) homes and make better use of a soon-scarce natural resource than to have two spoiled, self-indulgent rich kids perpetuate a land-hogging, liquor-producing operation.
Helena Handbasket
October 13th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

A3G: Oh, let the wrath of Margo descend, because we all now this is not going to be the “proposal” she was expecting, and I really don’t think, “Hey, wanna manage Luann’s crappy art show?” is going to go over well.

FW: We can now definitively say that the time-jump puts Lisa’s death back ten years ago, in 1997, because otherwise that quarter wouldn’t get Les any kind of phone call. Of course, the past is still also 2007, for the Wally polt line, and the present is still 2007 as well, with the same tech we have now. Hmm… I think FW may be stuck in some kind of time loop, or maybe this is all a version of the Matrix where they decided to really go all out with the strife and pain in order to make it more realistic.

Phantom: If we don’t get some explanation for why Tennie knows about the Ghost-Who-Skulks I’m going to be cranky. I’ll accept the preteen art prodigy who manages to scale buildings, but a psychic preteen art prodigy is a step too far.

S4th: I don’t think Sally’s mom has any room to taunt someone about pudge. I mean, she’s no Patterson, but she’s not Olive Oyl either.
Minnie
October 13th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

To the the Mark Trail troupe:
“In bocca al lupo” — Italian: “in(to) the mouth of the wolf”, which I prefer to that #£$%&! “break a l_g”. I’ll take a few fang marks any day (liar — I went all a-trembly on the street tonight when a leashed big mean-type dog lunged and growled at me.)

I’m in awe of Funky Winkerbean. It just gets better and better. Aaaaaaugh!

And “Far Better or…” just gets far worse. Of all the ancient stories, this has to be the one from the bottom of the lame barrel, innocuous though it may be. No. It is NOT innocuous. It’s about &*$%# ENVY! Perversely I’m reminded of how much I have to be thankful for: 1) that the MT show is actually going up — and in Baltimore; 2) Josh and y’all. I’ll miss you when I’m at the bottom of the Grand Canyon (non-Aldo-style) for two weeks.
Helena Handbasket
October 13th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

See what I get for not previewing? That should be “know” in the first sentence, and “plot” in the third.
AtomicDog
October 13th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

Archie – “The Aristocrats!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 13th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

10/14

FC: You know what? I’m not going to say anything. Just gonna wait and see what Dennis Jimenez does with this image.

RMMD: “Could you teach me to shoot, Rex? Because I have a feeling I’ll want to end it all before this weekend is over.” Y indeed?

9CL: Okay Padre, that “Airplane into the hangar” line isn’t going to stay cute for long. Not even when you’re talking about something other than mouths.

H&L: Yippee, Thirsty is drinking again. You know how Barney Gimble on “The Simpsons” stopped drinking for a while, but then he fell off the wagon again because the writers figured he was funnier that way? Well this is similar. Except Barney was funny to begin with.

GA: Is that gangsterish family burying the remains of Fireball? If so, it’s been average knowing you, FB.

GT: “On the other hand, I’ve made some new friends in the Trenchcoat Mafia.” (Hey, if they can get their plots from 1999, I can take my snark from the same year.)

MW: Good God! In panel 1, Von’s bulge is staring us right in the face. In panel 2, he wants to give Vera something more than an apology. Moy and Giella aren’t making it hard… Correction: they’re not making it difficult for us.

SSmith: Are Snuffy and Beardy “going fishing” in the Brokeback sense? Because I think their wives can handle it.

S4th: You know what they say about glass houses, Mrs. Three-chins.

Lockhorns: “Because your mother keeps promising to give me a longer and thicker penis. Really, it’s kind of inappropriate.’
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 13th, 2007 at 1:04 am [Reply]

FW: I wouldn’t begrudge Les stealing a phone call, although I’m not sure payphones work that way. But why is he standing on the Times Sunday crossword?
kurt
October 13th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

Wrt Mark Trail Theater, sounds like some video samples of this performance would be fun to watch !
I too am in Oregon and am beginning new career, so getting to Baltimore won’t happen for that ;-(

But if this is successful, perhaps there could be a Secret Margo Theater, etc. in future? ;-)
Anonymous
October 13th, 2007 at 1:16 am [Reply]

i just peed myself a little.
Mibbitmaker
October 13th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

Saturday the 13th:

ZtP: Well I don’t blame Mel Torme, Griffy. After all, he got to be more careful about fan interaction after a couple of bad experiences with a judge in a night court.

S-M: I knew it!

RMMD: Y? You don’t want to know, Nik!

MT: Finally someone comes up with the obvious-weeks-ago answer to the duck problem! — and of all people, it’s ol’ Tuft-Top! Who knew?

GT: Wah, Wah, Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

FW: “Sorry, you have the wrong number.” Right after that, Les gets mugged by a knife-weilding loon who refuses to believe his wallet’s gone.
Godzooky
October 13th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

#74 Dingo: As a native New Yorker, thanks for pointing out that today’s New York is a world apart from the stereotypes. (I’m not too sure about that “looked like a hooker” part, though. With all the crackdowns, that activity has mainly moved behind closed doors, especially anywhere in downtown Manhattan. Er, from what I’ve read about it, of course.)

The stereotypes are based on the negative images from the 70s, when, due to white flight, a bad economy, drugs, and some stupid people, crime went up. And even then, it was exaggerated.

Since then, especially in Manhattan, developers are running wild, gentrification is actively encouraged (leading to a white influx), the economy’s gotten better (even after 9/11) and police crackdowns have forced street-level criminal activities out of visible areas, so the situation is a bit different than what’s usually portrayed.

Due to the above, an increasing number of the people you’d see in Manhattan are either transplants or tourists from places like Les’ home town. Maybe that’s why the pickpocket looked so much like him.
The Avocado Avenger
October 13th, 2007 at 3:50 am [Reply]

FW – Les, in this world there is an otherworldly device called a telephone, and with a telephone you can call amazing sorcerers known as “operators”. These “operators” can connect you to anyone in the world through a magic spell called “Teleport Voice”, and they can also charge your friend for this service, so you can use it even if you have no gold coins on you at the time.

MW – Von may be reaching into the desk with his right hand, but he’s fumbling at his fly with the left.
Trilobite
October 13th, 2007 at 3:56 am [Reply]

A quick pass on a few of Saturday’s comics :

A3G: Nice Spock eyebrow, Margo. Now nerve-pinch Alan and have your way with him already. We’ve wasted enough time this week.

Dick Tracy: CIA guy goes to get all the credit for…um…for doing stuff that didn’t particularly hinder the terrorists who wanted to blow up the rotunda. I guess he’s going to be thanked for standing nearby when they blew themselves up early. Meanwhile, Dick Tracy gets to listen to forty messages from his increasingly enraged wife, and contemplate the likelihood that the closest he’ll ever get to doin’ it with Tess again will be looking at her face on his fancy TV watch while he pleasures himself. In other words, business as usual in the Tracy household.

Funky Winkerbean: Huh? Phone calls cost 35 cents around here — and I imagine that in New York, they’ve gotta be, like, 28 dollars. I suspect what’ll happen here is that the phone will turn out to be out of order, the coin return slot will be jammed shut, and now his lucky quarter will be gone, too. And then he’ll fall down an open elevator shaft, break both his legs, and have his eyes eaten by rats.

Seriously, wouldn’t he just make a collect call? Or is that too straightforward and sensible a step for the Batiukverse?

Mary Worth: Man, that Vera has some sexy legs….oh, wait, that’s Von. Dude, put on some pants, already! You should definitely have pants on before you start talking about how you want to give something to Vera.
Jym
October 13th, 2007 at 4:04 am [Reply]

=72= K Chronicles / (th)ink (Allie Cat): I’ve met Keef a few times. He’s really good people. At least, he was before he went Hollywood on us.

=74= FW (Dingo): Agreed, New York is full of great people and I loved living there. Clichés stink, nearly as bad as Ohio pizza.
NightRaven
October 13th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

Phantom: Hmm? So, are we going to find out that everything that has happened in this strip until this storyline was all in this kids head? Sort-of like St. Elsewhere? And her imagination was so strong, so a real-life Phantom just popped up into existence along with a flock of Bandars, and now they have to race against time to remove all the graffiti of themselves, because if too many people believe in them their world will implode on them, or something?
Or am I just going crazy for reading too much Phantom strips?
Oh, and Archie is just filthy today!
Anonymous
October 13th, 2007 at 6:52 am [Reply]

You’re aware of the radio version of this, right? It’s a local thing here in the Twin Cities, on a little station called KFAI.

Basic information:

http://www.old-time.com/otrlogs2/marktrail_dj.log.txt
Rebochan
October 13th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

Somebody better YouTube this, because I know I won’t be able to make it to Baltimore :(
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
October 13th, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

9CL: Still, the vulgarian’s observation does raise the question as to why they have not yet “gotten a room,” as the saying goes. Or at least gone into a room.

A3G: He can’t be hiring her for the gallery, because he’s already hired Blandy McBlondy for that job. I think he’s going to suggest she go to China to look for Tim. Then she can piss off the authorities with some ill-timed Tiananmen Square comments and get thrown in a political prison. Good times ahead, good times!

FC: Throw this strip in the trashio. It’s givin’ me a rashio.

FW: You can call the police without a quarter, y’know. Or did NYC have 9-1-1 service in 1997?

GT: Are judges allowed to do that? I don’t think they are. I think this whole episode has been an elaborate April Fool’s prank played on Cully starting in 2005, and his “dead” friend and the “judge” are still lurking around the corner snickering at him, wondering when he’ll realize that his “trial” took place in the school cafeteria and the “juvenile hall” they sentenced him to was an abandoned box factory.

MT: Aw, man! No fisticuffs this plot line? But that muskrat pelt slowly sliding its way down Junior’s forehead in Panel 3 is just begging to be punched off.

MW: “I wanted to give you something more than an apology… here’s a $500 gift certificate to the BonWorth catalog! I hear they’re offering their famous moleskin pantsuits in some lovely new pastels this year!”

MC: I never saw “Shallow Fowl,” but I loved Quack Black in “School of Rockfish” and, of course, his work as half of the comedy-music duo Tenacious Flea.

S-M: Hold that face, Peter. Maybe you can get a gig modeling for laxative ads.
jules
October 13th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

A bear costume?! Then they’re acting out the Molly storyline – that is so awesome! That means it will involve my personal Favorite Mark Trail Line Ever: “You stole a friend of mine’s pet bear!” (complete with Right Hook o’ Justice unleashed on an unsuspecting Jake, or possibly Snake)

Sadly, I don’t live anywhere near Baltimore. I’m with Rebochan: YouTube! YouTube!
Calico
October 13th, 2007 at 8:46 am [Reply]

RM – Don’t forget to ask for a double-size bag, Rex.

Or you could just borrow Connie’s polar bear suit from FOOB.
Allie Cat
October 13th, 2007 at 8:50 am [Reply]

#74 – I just got back from a trip to NYC, and I’m with you – we met some really charming folks – especially in Greenwich Village. I’m from the uber-polite Southern US – Nashville by way of Atlanta – and I wasn’t expect much in terms of a warm welcome, but I had a great experience and met some really nice people.

But, you know – Les couldn’t mourn properly if he weren’t reduced to a quivering lump of oatmeal.
Calico
October 13th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

FC – I see the Keanes are continuing their obsession with rendering pornstaches.

At least this one isn’t a Dirty Sanchez, or so I hope.
bats :[
October 13th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

44. NightRaven: pretty slick — then again, it’s got Mark, it’s got fists o’ justice a-plenty — what’s not to like?
dreadedcandiru2
October 13th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

FW: #90 Trilobite – Les would be far too anal to make a collect call at the best of times let alone after days of wandering around in a stupor. Besides, even if he did call Funky, he’d get a busy signal. Remember the headline we all saw Thursday about ‘Soldiers Taken Hostage’? Odds are, he’s been kidnapped by the insurgents again only this time, he dies.
dreadedcandiru2
October 13th, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

#101: “HE” being Wally, or course……
Mardou Fox
October 13th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

Please please please please please YOU TUBE! I can’t make it Baltimore! This must be preserved for posterity!
Dingo
October 13th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

Godzooky and Jym, when I originally wrote the sentence about the hooker, I had the phrase “hooker or Paris Hilton wannabe.” I edited it back to hooker. In reality, it probably was Paris Hilton. No hooker would be caught on the street in the outfit that woman was wearing.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
October 13th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

Dingo @ 104: Now, now, don’t be so hard on the poor girl. Maybe she was just an American grad student.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
October 13th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

Or a winery co-owner.
queek
October 13th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

*sigh* Once again, my planned post is reduced to “a third of what SSB said, just not as funny.”

MC: loved it.

RwO: loved it. (mmmmm, garlic)

MG&G: booooo! bad pun!

F-: nice snark on Jarod. Not laugh-worthy, they need another week and a half or so for that.
Martin
October 13th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

From the looks of things in Saturday’s Mary Worth, I think Von is getting ready to give Vera his d*ck in a box!
Professor Fate
October 13th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

FW: Ah Tom – they don’t have phones like that in New York – the public phones are either on the street or in places like delis and coffee shops and bars.

Josh: So after this what Mary Worth The Musical?
MonkeyHawk
October 13th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

The morning of my first visit to NYC, I was eating breakfast in a cafe in Rockefeller Center and my waiter was a Woody Allen clone. A native New Yorker friend had drawn me a map of his favorite bars, mom & pop restaurants… places to go only natives would know about. My waiter asked me, “So where ya from?” I said Kansas City and we talked Royals and Yankees baseball and he added a couple of spots on my map including a chinese place where I was the only one in the place with round eyes and the pork lo mein was absolutely phenomenal.

Anyway, as I left on my NYC adventure my waiter advised, “And if someone tries to bother you, just keep on walking. There are 8 million fuc#ers in this town. They don’t have to mug you!

Best advice I ever got.
Little Guy
October 13th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

78: Judge Parker: The only way this will end well is with the phrase, “I’m so sorry! Here, let me clean up your dres— oops!”

Big Nate: Just stay home, Nate.

FW: Thanks to the CCers, I don’t have to read it. I’m waiting for Les to go back to Central Park to find a dog doing his business where Lisa’s ashes are.
ellcee
October 13th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

Whenever I watch ‘Hairspray’ or ‘Ace of Cakes’ or fondly remember ‘Homicide: Life on the Streets’ I often think, “Egad, I wish I could be in Baltimore right now!”

But now … now I find myself not just transiently wishing I could be in Gem City, I find myself with a fervid longing to be there so I might attend Mark Trail Theatre.

But alas, a trip to stinking Italy of all places will make this impossible!

In all seriousness, Josh, that’s really how much I love your work. I’m honestly regretting that a trip to Europe will get in the way of a trip to Baltimore.

LC
John C Fremont
October 13th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

Josh, I echo the sentiments of all of us outside the Baltimore area; Please record Mark Trail Theater! Surely there will be at least one Mudge in the crowd with a digital recorder of some sort, right?

MW – Eew! Pants, Von, pants! Loose fitting pants!

JP – It’s okay, Rusty. All will be forgiven if you’ll make that dress explode. Let it explode while looking all shy and running your fingers through your hair. Yes. Yes, that’s the way Sam likes it.
Jym
October 13th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

=104= (Dingo): The good news is that the number of “That Hotel Socialite”-wannabes is declining (even moreso for the Leona Helmsley-wannabes). The streets will be even safer come the day Josh’s show makes it to Broadway!
Dariaclone
October 13th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

TDIET: Well, since jury members are registered voters, it sure couldn’t be the woman who was called to jury duty, could it? (You know, since women don’t work outside the home or vote or anything…)

Seriously, I want to appreciate the 50’s ironic style of TDIET (I’m sure irony isn’t the right word, but I’m at work while my husband is doing all the household projects, so my time is better spent actually getting my work done than figuring out the right word), but I can’t take the 50’s style sexism anymore. Really, I can’t take it in any of the comics, but Cathy is the other comic that gets to me most in that realm (I hate shopping). But even 9CL and A3G, supposedly progressive and urban, have the women sitting around waiting for men to propose. What the heck? Such a sad day when I have to turn to Sally Forth to regain my sanity.
Bathless Groggins
October 13th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

#95 SSB- BonWorth! My eyes! My eyes! I have beheld that which one must never look upon!
Dennis Jimenez
October 13th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

A3G – Margo – Is $50 too much to hope for, for a trip around the world?

DtM – No – until syndication by King Features, Dennis – then they stunk up the joint. Sound familiar?

FBoFW – George Bernard Shaw would have went with anal or vaginal, Connie.

MT – Mr. Thomas the younger’s dad isn’t doing too good a job dressing him these days – the tape is slipping on his toup in panel three.

MW – Von’s stance says I wanna give you a hot beef injection, Vera.

RMMD – This is my rifle, this is my gun – this is for shooting, this is for fun.

Pluggers – Vandelay Industries.

TDIET – Salutations to Mrs. L. Baruch – lazy slug. I’ll bet you are beaming with pride, today, with Len getting that ‘toon published and all.

JP – Wow – this is like a dinner party out of Dynasty or Falconcrest.

FC- Jeffy usually has what is sometimes called a dirty duck Bil.

Adios Amigos
commodorejohn
October 13th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

9CL – So the “get a room” guy is following them around to harass them? Or have were Edda, Sister Whatserface, and Seth and his dude all just following them around the city, waiting for the inevitable?

A3G – “I want you to be Nora’s emotional prop while I’m gone!” I love how a lead-up that would leave most people excitedly anticipated just has Margo bored and calculating. Margo, don’t you ever change, okay?

Archie – This is…actually a reasonably well-constructed, amusing joke. Congratulations, ALGJU3K! You’re getting the hang of this humor thing!

Crankshaft – Even the Powers That Be are out to get you in Batiuk’s universe.

FOOB – Not content with merely orchestrating her own children’s love lives, Elly wants to know whether her neighbor has sex or not. She probably has Connie’s bedroom bugged.

FW – OH. FOR. GOD’S. SAKE.

GF – Rob wears gloves to wash dishes? What’s he cooking, anthrax souffle?

GT – Now that is an artful final panel. Honestly, it doesn’t even need the thought bubble – the picture says it all. If Gil Thorp’s art style weren’t as heavy on the miniscule lines, I’d trace it and blow it up like I did that one Dick Tracy.

MF – Mallard, while I agree, it might not be too bright of you to bring up predictability in entertainment.

MT – Why, exactly, could this not have been done beforehand?

Marmaduke – Marmaduke is going to kill a random passerby over a matter of species preference.

MW – Do I want to know what he’s getting out of the drawer that he wants to “give” her? No. No, I most certainly do not.

RMMD – *insert Freudian “gun” joke here* Also, who wants to bet that this will come into play when Eightball is discovered hiding in the cabin?

Edison Lee – The Brilliant Mind Of Edison Lee: Always Five Years Behind The Curve!

WOI – Side question: what the hell do they mean by “overqualified” anyway? If I were going to hire someone, the applicant who’s already really good at the job in question would be my first pick.
mako
October 13th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

Woo! I just found out that my TDIET is going to run on December 10th… what a great early christmas present!
bats :[
October 13th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

115. Dariaclone: I agree with you on the shopping thing, and just a lot of the usual “isn’t this just like a woman” poop that goes on in the comics.
I find that Lio helps my sanity along quite nicely.

95. SSB re MW: I never got to the BonWorth catalog; I was trying to convince myself that Von wasn’t adjusting (or just fondling) his junk in Panel 2. And maybe it’s just me, but I see a freakish resemblance:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1561433594/

On a completely different matter, I’ve never been one to wax nostalgic over old photo albums or scrapbooks (another missing gene on the old X chromosome, I suppose). I think those who do face some harsh realities:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1560624705/
Dr Marion
October 13th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

GIL THORP: Let’s talk in my office!
CULLY VALE: Ok
GIL: Cully, let me tell you a secret. I am alone and miserable; man will not associate with me; but one as deformed and horrible as myself would not deny herself to me. My companion must be of the same species and have the same defects. This being you must create.
CULLY: Me??
GIL: Yes. Well, us. Victor’s grandson is as brilliant and unrestrained as his ancestor. I have the financial resources. But Cully, we need the materials. When you go to the police station, we need you to sneak down to the morgue and slip a couple of arms, part of a torso, whatever into your backpack.
CULLY: Why would I do that?
GIL: Cully, would you like to have a date with something that’s not a state flag?
CULLY: Yes! Yes!
GIL: We’re different from them. We can tear their flimsy heads off their sickly bodies. We can run miles without food or drink. And so, they hate and fear us. But they will all PAY!
BRYNNA: Hey, Gil, aren’t you FORGETTING SOMETHING?
GIL & CULLY: BRYNNA!
BRYNNA: … Your Victor has a spaceship of mine to repair!
Dariaclone
October 13th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

120. Bats :[ I just added Lio as a bookmark. I usually only go there when the commenters are raving about a particular strip, but I could use more sanity. Really, the Chron needs to add it!

Josh does a terrific job of calling out the strips on their sexism, so of course, this blog (which is the only reason I started reading comics again) keeps me sane enough to keep reading them. I live in a liberal urban microcosm where no one would dare say a quarter of the sexist stuff that shows up in the comics. The comics are, in a way, my glimpse into the real world…and I don’t like it much!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
October 13th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

commodorejohn @ 118: Not speaking for WoI (which is using the term solely in the service of a weak punchline), but someone would be considered overqualified for a job if they have more experience or expertise than is necessary for the position. This would make the employer reluctant to hire them because the applicant might expect more pay than the employer is willing to budget for that position. The applicant also might be taking the job just as a stopgap and would jump ship as soon as something better paying came along. Plus, there’s the competition factor. At my last job, I hired someone with more experience than me to be my assistant. When my boss’ job came open, my assistant leapfrogged me to get it. That’s “overqualified.”
commodorejohn
October 13th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

#122 Dariaclone – Comic strips are your glimpse into the “real world?” I dunno, TDIET might be the real world circa 1943, but Cathy is a glimpse into a Hallmark humor-card world where everything happens according to predictable guidelines and nobody acts the least bit like a real human being. With TDIET, I can excuse the sexist bits because Scaduto is still stuck in the Eisenhower administration and doesn’t really mean anything by it, but it’s Cathy that’s really worthy of loathing, for Guisewite’s accepting of acclaim for being a “pioneering woman cartoonist” but regurgitating the same ludicrously exaggerated tropes about women over and over again. Cathy, as they say, Must Die.
Anyplugger
October 13th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

# 90 Trilobite: Funky Winkerbean: You forgot to mention that the rats will probably give him bubonic plague on top of it all.
Mibbitmaker
October 13th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

FC: A “Pistachio Mustachio” is a mustache painted on a portrait by its artist, Pablum Pistachio. Everybody knows that, even Al Scaduto.

Tiger: Not exactly “An Inconvenient Truth”, is it?

S4th: Oop — she’s going all Lucille Bluth again!

Blondie: Don’t give Michael Scott any ideas!

H&L: [Archie Bunker reference]
Trotzenbonnie
October 13th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

#88 –
Way back around 1972-ish, my best friend and I spent every weekend in Manhattan. We took the train from Poughkeepsie into the city, bought our two-fer tickets to whatever Broadway show we hadn’t already seen, bummed around Times Square for a bit or shopped at Bloomingdale’s. Then we hopped a boxcar back home.
We were fourteen/fifteen at the time and were never sold into white slavery, approached by anyone resembling Elvis or harrassed in any way. The only mugging we ever got was from the counter guy at Howard Johnson’s who charged us five bucks each for a small orange juice.
So, once again, Batiuik can plant a big fat smooch on my butt cheeks.
Poteet
October 13th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

# 78 — Godzooky, before I could decide what kind of land use I’d favor, I’d need to know a lot more about the land, the resources, the location, etc. But I doubt if I’m going to find out anything about that. Instead, I’ll continue to find out, in detail, what Rusty looks like in that dress. If “JUDGE PARKER THEATER” ever comes to a stage near me, it may have to be R-rated.

FW — My thanks to all the snarkers who said what I would have said about that amazing phone call, only better and funnier. Sorry, Les, I’m laughing too hard to actually feel any sympathy, but here’s a card for you anyway:

I’m sorry that your Lisa’s dead
And now your life is hell.
It isn’t God — you suffer from
Tom Batiuk’s evil spell.

So buy a gun and hunt him down
And shoot him through the heart.
Then find another comic strip
And play a different part.
Poteet
October 13th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

# 127 — Trotzenbonnie, I had friends living in NYC in 1972 who loved it. One of them has lived there pretty much ever since, and has lived a rich full life, in an apartment by herself, without ever being mugged, pocket-picked, molested, burglarized, etc. If Les asked, I’m sure she’d give him her cell phone to use.
Dariaclone
October 13th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

#124, CommodoreJohn. I will admit I was exaggerating. I don’t really think that the comics are the real world. At least I really hope so, I haven’t heard a “women like to shop and men don’t” joke in five years, so I’m hoping that they only place they still exist are in the comics.

And I could excuse one or two strips, but sometimes, the sexism piles up in strip after strip. And today was one of those days.
Harry Paratestes
October 13th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

SF: You gotta like the style with which Sally’s dragon-mother advises Hillary to work off some of the pudge, while smirking stupidly above the pillar of suet that she calls a neck. Looks like she put on 50 lbs and a chin for each kid that she farrowed.
Jamus The Bartender
October 13th, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook
Today’s Lesson:How To Handle Unwanted Phonecalls And Other Strange Messages
Howdy, Folks. It’s the ol’ detective here, nursing a grain alcohol and prune juice…my fifth, I think…and I gotta tell you it’s been a strange afternoon. I’m sitting here at the bar, when the phone rings. Naturally, Jamus the “bartender”….I use that term loosely…is off playing with the lady office workers from “My Cage”…sometimes two or three at a time…leaving me here….with all this alcohol…
Anyhoo, after my seventh “Shit Or Go Blind”, the phone is still ringing….I pick it up….”Goldberg’s…whaddya want?” I says.
The voice on the other end makes no fucking sense at all. Of course I was really smashed, which don’t help a bit, but all I was able to get out of the caller was the following:
“Help….Les Moore…..lost wallet….lucky quarter….Lisa’s ashes…..stupid hippies….”
Yeah. You see what I mean? David Lynch couldn’t make heads or tails out of that one. Naturally I told him to sober up and stay out of gin mills. As a cop, I get strange calls like this all of the time. You gotta know which ones are drunks wasting your time, and which ones are people in serious need of help.
Like the one I got on my wrist cellphone, “: Dick. This is Tess. This is your wife. I am leaving you a message.” Now, the words “wife” and “Tess” are an immediate clue to hang up or fake gunshot sounds so she thinks you’re in a shootout and will leave you alone for a while. And who says ” I am leaving you a message”. For a minute I thought she was really leaving me. Damn, I thought, the ol’ luck has changed. (Turns out her last boyfriend Master Soft Heart was “Friends Of Dorothy” if you know what I mean) But then I heard the words ” a message”. Sonofabitch.
Whups, Jamus and the menagerie are coming back downstairs. Dammit, I gotta clean up these whiskey bottles. Ah well.
Till Next Time
Dick Tracy
And don’t call me if you’re drunk.
Poteet
October 13th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

# 122 — Dariaclone, your posts made me try to remember why I thought I had seen some women-love-shopping-and-shoes schtick fairly recently. Now I remember — I decided to try SEX AND THE CITY after it started rerunning here on a non-cable channel, the only kind I get. After two episodes featuring shopping, hair, shoes, and griping about men, I said “bleah” and quit. Apparently I’m too old and crabby for urban sex. I guess I can live with that.
Poteet
October 13th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

# 133 — And it seems I can’t even spell “shtick,” which should have been a warning to me.
AhClem
October 13th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

#133, 134 Poteet -
“Schtick” is the Orthodox spelling.
SatanicMechanic
October 13th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

Frazz: Raise your own chickens, you little bugger and you can eat all the cookie dough you could ever want.
SatanicMechanic
October 13th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

Luann: And in pretty much every act of charity someone pays so that someone else can get something free, so Luann, that your parents paid is beside the point.
ralph
October 13th, 2007 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

Wow, Mark Trail theater sounds great! Please be careful where you park your car, Josh. We wouldn’t want another tow.
Not that I’m dissing NYC. One time I stopped for a moment in Queens to run into a fast-food place, and I asked the guys who were stripping the car parked in front of mine whether I had time to go get coffee. I said that I couldn’t afford to have my car stripped by them, or be towed for being illegally parked. They said, no problem, go right ahead and get your coffee, we will be working on this car here for a little while longer, and if the cops come you’ll hear it, and we’ll be outta here anyway. I got my coffee, and left. Neighborly types, those New Yorkers.
CrabbyGenes
October 13th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

#133 Poteet. Your two nieces watched that show a number of times while they were home, and I came away with about the same opinion of it that you have.

I didn’t say anything of course, since I could see the appeal it might have for a young person. Also, I consider it to be “research” for them. Having been raised in Japan, they now have to cope in a completely different culture, so they should know that kind of stuff and keep up with the TV sitcoms.
ralph
October 13th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

I guess I should add I was a kid and it was way back in the prehistoric times of no cell phones.
Jym
October 13th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

=133= et al. (Poteet): Sex and the City puzzles me because various women have told me it’s “so true,” but I lived in NYC at the time and it looked so phony. Sadly it seems to have had some impact on fashions, particularly in the realm of shoes designed by the patriarchy to keep women from escaping their advances.
Poteet
October 13th, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

# 139 — Interesting point, C-Genes. I wonder what TV shows I would need to watch to try to understand Japanese culture. Of course first I would need to learn Japanese, so that’s the end of that, based on how well I’ve done with French and Spanish:-).

# 141 — Jym, I agree about the shoes. Just watching that show made my feet hurt.
Dariaclone
October 13th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

#133, #141, #139. Sex and the City (SATC in its text version) is an interseting comparison to Cathy. And I started to create some sort of rambling footnoted comparison, but I gave up. Needless to say, I’m not a big fan of SATC either.
Dariaclone
October 13th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

Darn it. I previewed to make sure the html worked, but didn’t check my spelling.

I am headed for a brief vacation in Japan in January (thanks for frequent flier miles earned at work). So, if there are TV shows I can watch to understand Japanese culture before I go, please let me know too.
Pansy Yokum
October 13th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one who found the second panel of today’s Lio disturbing?
Pansy Yokum
October 13th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

Just as an FYI, in this part of New York, payphones are still a quarter (if you can find one).
bats :[
October 13th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

145. Pansy Yokum: can’t say that I did. Then again, I can see Lio being loving in his own strange little way. (And then again, I did a mash-up with him and Lisa Moore during the last few days of that storyline, so I guess I could be considered an odd duck. Quack…AAAAAAH!)
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
October 13th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

Poteet @ 142: Well, everything I need to know about Japanese culture I learned from watching anime:

– If you think a girl is cute, she probably likes you too but is too shy to say anything. Go up and grab her boob. She’ll blush, but she won’t slap you or anything. Her tomboy friend will, though, so do it when she’s alone. Leave her a note in her shoe locker to meet you under the big tree in the school yard.

– Female schoolteachers are nubile 20-somethings straight out of college. They usually drink a lot. The ones with big boobs are usually sleeping with a boy in their class. Male schoolteachers are drooling pervs who like little girls.

– “Baka” is an acceptable friendly nickname for anyone.

– If you can’t do something, just keep telling yourself that you won’t fail, face the object of your determination and just go “rrrrrrrrrRRRRRRAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” until your aura bursts forth in a tangible form and your sheer force of will blows the obstacle away.

– Cats in Japan can talk. They usually sound like an old man. Even the female ones.

– Old people in Japan average 1 meter tall.

– Everyone in Japan has maids. It’s OK to grab their boobs. In fact, they kind of expect it.

– About 1 in 4 Japanese people are expert martial artists, but — here’s the tricky part — only about 1 in 10 are actually descended from a clan of ninjas.

– Japan has secretly been developing walking armored fighting robot suits. They do this because they were not specifically forbidden by the postwar Constitution forced on them by the U.S. (Damn that short-sighted McArthur!) However, they are forbidden to reveal them unless space aliens invade.

– Space aliens may have already invaded Japan, but if they have, they’ve disguised themselves as schoolgirls and Indian shopkeepers, so we’ll never know for sure. If you think you’ve met one and you aren’t sure, just grab her boob. Aliens keep lasers in their boobs.
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 13th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

#143 et al,
Cathy was doing the “women love shopping and shoes” bit back in the Ford administration. So in that way it’s way ahead of Sex & the City. On the other hand, Guisewite’s strip has never really addressed the issue of whether men marry the up-the-butt girl. Someone should ask Irving one of these days.
Ribinin
October 13th, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

I watched pretty much all of SATC, but on HBO so it seemed to me to be about relationships. The four women, of course, and how adding and subtracting men changed it.

I can see that if you cleaned out the sexual relationships there wouldn’t be more than clothes and shoes remaining
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
October 13th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

By the way, if you ever meet any of the women from Sex And The City, grab her boob. They all love it. Except Sarah Jessica Parker. For her, it’s the nose. Who knew?
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 13th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

I love this blog and I am glad to be back after two weeks away. But watch out; after another two beers, I might start grabbing boobs.
Buck Ripsnort
October 13th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

Since no one ever, ever bothers to snark on Mother Goose& Grim: Why are cavemen dyslexic.
And in S4th, Hil and friend are going to name their band Fuck Off Fat Gramma. And then grab each others’ boobs.
Poteet
October 13th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

# 148 — Thank you, Spectacular, for that very special look at Japanese culture. Wow, who knew? I’ll reread and remember it — that “baka” tip sounds especially handy!
Dean Booth
October 13th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

There are some gems in Sunday’s comics. Tommie wants to live and Sophie disses Red big time. Most importantlly, Casandra Cat Alert!!!
Dingo
October 13th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

VON TRAPPED!
bats :[
October 13th, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

Sunday, Sunday…I’m having a hard time trusting that day:

FC: ho-ho…what a keen (sic) inside joke. Now, if it were only funny!

FW:
Funky: You have to give me a ride to the the airport anytime I want for the rest of my life.
Les: Why?
Funky: Because I’m half-plastered all the time, you dimwit!

MT: Mark Trail, Champion of Stupid Animals!

MW: the Shields Mansion? It looks like it’s either a really big log cabin, or a Testament to Aluminum Siding.
“Vera dear?” Creeeeeeeeeeeeeepy….
Dariaclone
October 13th, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

#148 SSB: I will use all of that information in my visit.

#143 AFNAB. Indeed. I remember Cathy from when I was a junior-high kid. Perhaps that’s what I’ve rebelled against the rest of my life (well, that as so many other things). These days I identify more with Irving’s attachment to his ~~Blackberry~~ IPhone than Cathy’s love of shoes.
Misha Handbasket
October 13th, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

Spider-Brick @ #148: This comment is made of WIN, especially the bit about the maids. I keep having these mental images of resigned-looking maids sighing, “Oh, if you must…”

Also, if you haven’t seen it already, you might also find this amusing. If you have, then someone else might. ^_^
bats :[
October 14th, 2007 at 12:04 am [Reply]

RMMD: is fly-fishing really THIS dull? Sheesh! Still,
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1565927186/

156. Dingo: yay! (Actually, I’m pretty speechless…)
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
October 14th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

#74 Dingo: Okay, does anyone else think Dingo’s story would make a great, Mary Tyler Moore Show-like opening credits sequence for a new, Dingo-based sitcom? Dingo, a small-town Illinois boy, goes to NYC to seek fame, fortune, and a boyfriend (we’ll set the story in the years before John). And just as Mary found the bitter winter Protestant air of Minneapolis curiously invigorating (okay, you see how you feel walking around Minnesota sans panties), our Dingo is overjoyed at the wonders the Big City has to offer. At the end of the sequence, he tosses his Gail Martin shirt up into the air…freezeframe, cut to commercials.

Now all we need is Uncle Lumpy to write the theme song lyrics (a la the MTM theme, of course).
Jym
October 14th, 2007 at 1:12 am [Reply]

=153= MG&G (Buck Ripsnort): The guys who wrote Funny Paper absolutely hated Mother Goose & Grimm and frequently insulted Mike Peters by name. I think the strip lives or dies on the artwork, since the writing doesn’t always hold up on its own.

=155= SFx (Dean Booth): Notice that my darling Cassandra is wearing sensible shoes — and pedal pushers. I’ve been taking her for long bike rides as part of my campaign to reform her (admittedly an ongoing project).
Uncle Lumpy
October 14th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

Who can make the world Not Safe For Work?
Who can take a Mary Worth and suddenly make it seemworth a smirk?
Well it’s you, Dingo&em; you should know it:
With each link and every little bon mot you show it

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don’t you take it
You’re gonna make it after all
You’re gonna make it after all

How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big, girl this time you’re all alone
But it’s time you started living
It’s time you let someone else do some giving

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don’t you take it
You’re gonna make it after all
You’re gonna make it after all
Dingo
October 14th, 2007 at 1:23 am [Reply]

I don’t know, Gadge. I see myself more as the pirate jumping off of his ship onto the boardwalk of a quaint New England village and shouting, “Stand and deliver!” at the hirsute, graying English teacher from the local school and laughing heartily and mightily as he prays to his Christian god as my ample manhood pierces his sweaty, fur-trimmed buttocks. I can still throw my hat in the air. Sure. Oh, and the teacher’s name will be Legs Akimbo.

Can you name the woman standing behind Mary Tyler Moore at that moment? It was one of the questions I used to ask my students in the Foundations of Computer Applications course I taught. Hmm… maybe I should let the curmudgeons take a try at them.

1. What does music hath charms to soothe?

2. Name the first television series to portray a married couple who slept in the same bed.

3. What is the current location of the Museum of Bad Art?

4. In what country is the capybara classified as a fish?

5. How did the world’s oldest condiment get its name in English?

6. To whom should we give thanks for originating the concept of Spring Break?

7. Prior to the U.S. entry into World War II, the northern portion of California considered seceding from the state and forming a new one. What would the name of our then 49th state have been?

8. There are two women prominently captured in the opening of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. One of these women is the actress Mary Tyler Moore. The other was shopping in downtown Minneapolis the day that a film crew shot the throwing of Mary’s hat into the air. When she died at age 91, news services around the world reported her death as though she were a celebrity. What is the name of the woman scowling at Mary Tyler Moore?

9. Two families have had Academy Award winners in three generations. One of the families is the Coppolas: grandfather Carmine for Best Musical Score — The Godfather, Part II; father Francis for Best Original Screenplay — Patton, Best Adapted Screenplay — The Godfather, Best Director and Best Adapted Screenplay — The Godfather, Part II; and daughter Sofia, Best Original Screenplay — Lost in Translation. Name the other family, its winning members, and for what each won their ‘Oscar’.

10. Name the film, the two actors kissing, and the year of theatrical release for cinema’s first on-screen kiss.

11. In the movie Steel Magnolias, a character says that she doesn’t know who said it but “If you can’t say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.” Name the woman who said the quote, her father, and the other entity under (or not under, as it were) his control.

12. Who was the inventor of email?

13. What title was the Jack Nicholson movie As Good As It Gets given in Hong Kong when translated to Chinese?

14. According to Bishop James Ussher, how many days after the 1st day of Creation were Adam and Eve driven from the Garden of Eden?

I asked one question per week over the fifteen week semester. It was a way to get them to use the internet for actual research. It also prepared them for the final exam which had much more obscure questions (six questions alone about the Beach Party movies). I’ll post the answers in a few weeks.
Poteet
October 14th, 2007 at 1:41 am [Reply]

DT — Gretchen may have been a murderous bomb-hurling terrorist, but just look at what dainty little feet she had. Awwww. A veritable Communist Cinderella. Maybe the Baron can have the shoe bronzed.
Jamus The Bartender
October 14th, 2007 at 2:29 am [Reply]

SFX: Okay.
The only time Cass ever did any cleaning in the apartment was when she needed the cash to put it up her nose. It was sort of a golden triangle. Jamus’ possesions to cash to blow. Oh, Jym, i’d keep an eye on that bicycle.
Helena Handbasket
October 14th, 2007 at 2:34 am [Reply]

1. The savage breast (not beast, as many think).

2. The Flintstones.

3. Dedham, MA.

4. Brazil

5. Depends on whether you believe that the oldest condiment is mustard, soy sauce, or more realistically, onions, chiles or salt.

6. Socrates, or in the U.S. the Colgate University swim coach of 1934.

7. Jefferson (no silier that “Washington” really)

8. Hazel Frederick

9. The Hustons. 1948’s Oscar-winning director and writer John Huston won 1948’s best director Oscar for The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, which also gave his father, Walter Huston, Best Supporting Actor. His daughter Anjelica won Best Supporting Actress for Prizzi’s Honor (1985).

10. “Flesh and the Devil” Greta Garbo with John Gilbert, 1926.

11. Alice Roosevelt Longworth, Theodore Roosevelt, (not entirely sure what you were looking for with the wording of the last part of the question, but I’m going with the U.S.)

12. Raymond Samuel Tomlinson

13. Mr. Cat Poop

14. 18
Helena Handbasket
October 14th, 2007 at 2:36 am [Reply]

Changing my answer to #2 to “Mary Kay and Johnny” of which I had never even heard before thsi!
Baka Gaijin
October 14th, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

#148 SSB: My ears are burning. Dariaclone, let me tell you secrets about Japan that you won’t see on TV:
1. Remember to stand on the right on the escalators in the train stations.
2. Don’t be shy asking for a fork to eat sushi.
3. Don’t go into the bathroom stall if you can’t see the toilet.
4. Feel up all the pastries in the grocery store before buying. Ditto the fruit and veggies.
5. Knock on the window of that long, black sedan with dark-tint windows and ask if they’re Yakitori.
6. Farting loudly in public is expected. Especially in front of Yakitori. It’s a sign of respect.

What??? Come on, what do you expect from someone with my name?

PS-One of those is real advice.
Misha Handbasket
October 14th, 2007 at 2:53 am [Reply]

Baka Gaijin @ #169: Um, would that be #3?
Baka Gaijin
October 14th, 2007 at 3:08 am [Reply]

#170 Misha Handbasket: Yes. How long were you here before you made that mistake? Can you tell which one has 2 distinct errors? Great, now I sound like Bob Weber. I’ll try to refrain from showing “HOW TO DRAW a Japanese toilet” and “How many can you unscramble? usshi, akyitori, umso…”
Fred P.
October 14th, 2007 at 4:04 am [Reply]

“I want to give you more than an apology, Vera…” he says as he appears to be holding his crotch? I believe this marks the day when Mary Worth officially decided that the target audience for the strip is the Comics Curmudgeon readership, as opposed to, um, whoever the hell they thought was reading it before.
Baka Gaijin
October 14th, 2007 at 5:05 am [Reply]

#108 Martin: Nope, not in a box but his d*ck in an envelope. Apparently “he” pulled his off detachable penis in Saturday’s strip. Lesbian incest, oh yeahhhhh. They’ll Do It Every Time…Doncha hate when you go to have sex with your brother and it turns out he has a vagina? Urge to ***** him to the moon!
VTTrailhead
October 14th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

Wish I could see this! I guess I’ll have to wait until the touring version “on ice” comes up this way.

I’ve been dramatizing the Trail on a little radio show for the past few years. We’re now podcasting. And, have only been shamelessly promoting it for a few days.
Ukulele Ike
October 14th, 2007 at 6:50 am [Reply]

SFx: Ooooooh, lookin’ perky there, Cassandra!
MC: On the plus side: We finally get to see Maureen’s gams. Downside: Damn, those are big feet.
MT: The Florida Scrub Jay is too dumb to live.
Trilobite
October 14th, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

I couldn’t help noticing that it was Sunday morning:

Funky Winkerbean: Les, New York City is full of public places that have ROOFS over them. Sitting out in the rain doesn’t make your loss more tragic or you more sympathetic, it just makes you look like a self-pitying nimrod.

Mary Worth: Who could possibly be lured away from the exciting life of a “market researcher” by mere money? That’s why the envelope Von gave to Vera doesn’t contain a huge check, as you might have thought — no, it is a sheet of Hypnotic Paper, and just looking at it has immediately put Vera into a zombie-like trance. Now she’ll never leave the ancestral homestead, and Von will never be lonely again.
The Divine O’F
October 14th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

Poteet: Not all SATC episodes were great. But overall it was actually an excellent show about relationships, friendships, and the nature of love. The shopping part didn’t thrill me, but the friendship part rang 100% true.
Dennis Jimenez
October 14th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

167 – Savage Breast = Rusty Duncan
TB Tabby
October 14th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

H&J: You wasted a whole Sunday buildup on that tired olf joke? For SHAME!

Luann: All that money on clothes…just so you can look like you stepped out of 1987. Sad.

PBS: I admit it. I’m a sucker for groaners with long setups.

SFx: ^_^
queek
October 14th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

PBS: GROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAANN!

o MAN has it been too long since Pastis did one of those. The anemone ones were priceless, and this one includes a ferret! *dooks*

MC: rack-shot for the win! (literaly)

Garfield: *gasp* could that have been a C&H reference?

PV: Skyrmir lives!

SFx: Cassssssssssssssssssandra! mrow!

and for those who follow webcomics, the joke in the latest Erfworld is *almost* as bad as PBS, in an equally wonderful way.
John C Fremont
October 14th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

A3G – Lu Ann should dress like that more often. She should keep her mouth shut, but she should definitely dress like that more often.

Foob – So Elly used to swear like a sailor, huh? And she was brick stupid, too? Well, that much was obvious, but the swearing. I thought that was Grampa Jim’s job.

MT – Cocky blue jay. Cocky Blue Jay! COCKY BLUE JAY! Eh, I got nothin’.

SFx – “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that ba-a-a-a-aad.” Wait, I’ve done that one before, and probably for Cassandra. But dammit, she makes me happy! So clearly, it can’t be that ba-a-a-a-aad! But why is the non-mammalian Duck Cop the only one staring at her rack?

JP – Sophie’s drinking wine? And Keith. I hardly recognized Keith without all the wine bubbles bursting around him. Still, I hope Sophie leaves the room before Red’s dress explodes. I think there was an implied promise of that.
Gold-Digging Nanny
October 14th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Saturday comics:

RMMD: Can someone please explain to me why the hell Rex Morgan has a .38 special? Not exactly the gun of choice for sportsmen, I don’t think. Not that Rex goes on fishing trips for the sport of it, but still.

SFx: And now for another overdue version of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny!

1) The drummer in the band on the left will die of spontaneous combustion. The drummer on the right will die in a bizarre, unexplained gardening accident.
2) When the drummer in the band on the left dies, they’ll rename themselves Cupcake Thunderbrake.
3) The band on the right will be caught lip-syncing on SNL.
4) Moppet McFarlane, the lead vocalist of the band on the left, will become the sex symbol of his generation. Teenage girls will scream at his appearances with screeches rivalling the decibel levels of the band itself. But he will be disgraced when his wig falls off during a gig in Cheboygan.
5) The triumphant reunion tour of the band on the right will be sponsored by Dr. Scholl’s Odor Eaters.
6) The keyboardist on the right? She’s a “gig”! She’s “roadside,” man!

This episode of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny has been brought to you by Dr. Scholl’s Odor Eaters.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
October 14th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

Why, you’re right, Trilobite, it IS Sunday morning! Guess that means I’d better get to snarking!

A3G: Panel 4 makes me wish Eduardo Baretto illustrated all the comics.

DtM: Yes, that’s one way to get some elbow room. The other way is to annex the Sudetenland. +10 Menace Points for the Goebbels reference.

(WT)DT: Still in recap mode?! Well, if we must: Damn, that’s some nasty radioactive foot odor Gretchen had. It’s making The Baron tear up. And need I remind you, Dick, that the “innocent dupe” is the one who both retrieved and armed the bomb that nearly blew up the D.A.R. headquarters. And since the battery to his “chip” was dead, he did so without the excuse of being programmed. I’m no geologist, but that sounds like “co-conspirator” to me. Oh, and Tess: STFU ALREADY, the new plot starts Monday. Sheesh.

FC: Don’t read the tiny word balloons in the lower-right corner! They’re a tricky attempt at self-recursiveness designed to lock the reader in a mental spiral of cute stupidity (cutepidity?) forever, until you die from dehydration, a withered, dessicated husk of your former self.

FBOFW: Now Sundays have gone hybrid. This was probably funny at the time, but we’ve seen variations on it 100 times since then: Elly made to look silly by child/dog/simple domestic task. Yawn.

FW: For some reason I thought panel 5 would be some psychotic homeless guy telling Les to get off his bench. I have no idea why I was imagining the worst possible scenario would befall a FW character. Weird, huh?

JP: After complimenting the wrong person on the meal (it’s Rosa you should be thanking, you little rich snot) Sophie excuses herself because she doesn’t like to see people humiliated in public. She’s seen Sam’s look enough times to know that Rusty’s about to be ~~forcibly stripped and tied on all fours on the dining table with a chicken drumstick shoved~~ forced to admit to her duplicity.

MW: The crude hand-lettering shocked her almost as much as the crudity of its message: “THIS COUPON GOOD FOR ONE NIGHT OF SWEET PASSONIATE LOVIN FROM THE VON-MEISTER.” Vera closed her eyes and sighed: Every Columbus Day, it was the same thing.

MC: Lookin’ foxy… Actually, no. Looking wholesome. I’m disappointed. More pencil skirts, mule!

Phantom: Is that a tattoo or a mounting template?

SFx: Because she’s tried the stolen-jewelry-insurance-fraud scam before. And we saw then that she keeps a fishbowl on the dresser, not her jewelry box. Now, why don’t we go back to your place, Cassy, and re-enact the crime for the good detective, hmmm?

S-M: All that agonizing last week about airport screeners finding his Spidey suit in his suitcase, but nothing about how he got those handy-dandy METAL web-shooters we see in panel 1 past TSA?

TDIET: Another “toys need assembly” joke? Get a new schtick, Scaduto. Also: SQUID!!!
Our Boarding House with Major Hoople
October 14th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

about Funky Wintergreen:

Is “ride to the airport” the gay equivalent to “clean my garage”?
Our Boarding House with Major Hoople
October 14th, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Countess, oh Squid Countess, another mention of Squid Stew in TDIET this Sunday.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 14th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

I hate to ask this again, but can somebody post the link to Dean Booth’s Sunday Comics page? Thanks.
Ukulele Ike
October 14th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

John C Fremont @ 181: Errrmmm….considering it’s morning and all, and Margo hasn’t had her coffee yet, I would venture to guess that Lu Ann’s still in her nightie.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 14th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

Dingo @ #164:

Here are my answers that leap to mind without doing any actual research:

#2: The Munsters

#5: If you’re thinking “ketchup”, I think the word comes from Malay or some other language of Southeast Asia

#9: My first instinct was to say the Fondas, but I don’t think Bridget has won an Oscar for jack squat. Helena seemed to know what she/he was talking about with the Hustons.

#11: Because of the unusual way you phrased the question, Dingo, I’m going to go with Candice Bergen, Edgar Bergen, and Charlie McCarthy.

By the way, any of you who enjoy this kind of thing, you should probably be in the habit of visiting the messageboards at the website of Jeopardy champ Ken Jennings:

http://www.ken-jennings.com/messageboards/
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
October 14th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

And now, another episode of Touched By The Lockhorns…

Tori sighed as she clicked the door shut behind her, not just in relief at having once again navigated her way home without being accosted either by a drug dealer or lecherous Mr. Vitelli in 1-B, but at having made it through another escort gig. Tonight’s client was particularly odious: that revolting, square-headed troll, Leroy Lockhorn. She shook her head. He didn’t even see anything wrong with hiring an escort for a party his own wife was attending!

The hall light clicked on. “Mom?”

“You’re supposed to be in bed, sweetie,” she said, hanging the Dolly Parton wig that was her bread-and-butter on a chair.

“When I woke up and you weren’t there I couldn’t go back to sleep,” the eight-year-old replied, rubbing his eyes.

She knelt next to him and smoothed his pillow-rumpled hair. “I had to go to work again.”

“I don’t like that job. I hate it. I wish you’d just quit.” Tired as he was, the boy’s statement came out as more matter-of-fact than angry or petulant.

“I know. I wish I could, too.” She hugged him close.

“You smell like smoke.”

Suddenly, a hot flush came to her chest. This was why she was doing it. This was why she was willing to debase herself with men like Leroy Lockhorn and Phil Winslow and Amos Halftrack. “It’ll be OK, Jared, you’ll see,” she said, a catch in her throat. “Things will come around for us real soon.”

Everything comes around eventually, she thought. Everything balances. Clients like Leroy Lockhorn were disgusting, but they tipped well, and those tips were paying for the night school that would soon earn her that cosmetology certificate. Then, they could say goodbye to the flea-ridden one-bedroom walk-up and Mr. Vitelli and all the Leroy Lockhorns of the world forever. Even her two-year hell of a marriage was balanced out by Jared, the kindest, sweetest son a mother could ever wish for.

“Promise?” Jared asked.

She squeezed him even tighter as a single tear rolled down her cheek. “I promise.”

This has been another episode of Touched By The Lockhorns.
Mibbitmaker
October 14th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

S-M: “Hey, I’ve never lived off my wife!” Yeah, keep on regressing, Petey. Also – Hey! We never found out why ol’ cigar-breath came back to NY! Also – “Reporting for duty” Petey tries to be Mr. Wacky Comedian and fails. Also – Snapping photos in the unemployment line? That means either he keeps his job even if he leaves them in the lurch, and is just assigned to cover the unemployment issue (must be the thankless job, like KP in the military or the Russian Front in “Hogan’s Heroes”)….. or he’s layed off (to collect unemployment insurance) and still takes photos, even though he won’t get paid for that (directly, anyway) — he’s that stupid! Also – “JJJ’s secret mission”?? Isn’t “JJJ” our shortcut to the man’s name? Okay, Lee, I dare you to call him “Flattop Hitler”! HA!

MT: “…but the… scrub jays are territorial and remain close to where they were born”… Omigod, the scrub jays are Pattersons!

FW: So the latest contrived tragedy (or, “contragedy”) comes to an end…. with Funky as a nonviolent Godfather. Next, he puts cotton in his mouth when he speaks.

FOOB: So, most of that sequence was always just in the imagination of Michael’s future daughter. Who knew?

FC: So, Jeffy and Bil are having a meta-argument, eh? And all about Billy drawing a New Yorker cartoon.

MW:
Vera: “A massive check?? C’mon, Von, you know I won’t accept charity! I work now, and I’m proud of being a vital cog in the labor force. Getting my hands dirty…”

Von: “Typing??”

Vera: “… getting my hands dirty with noble toil and–”

Von: “You’d get to leave Charterstone.”

Vera: “I’M RICH!! I’m loaded!! I’m outta this booby-hatch! Outta here! So long, suckers!! HAHAHAHAHA…!!”
John C Fremont
October 14th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

# 187 (Ukulele Ike) – Precisely!
Dean Booth
October 14th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

#186 It’s here Skullturf. (If you bookmark it without the date, it goes to the current date.)

And a couple of mashups:

JP: Red bursts

Crankshaft + FW = Crankshaft blows

A3G: Aristotle Kent, (NSFW in a “more juvenile than a speeding bullet” kinda way)
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 14th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Danke, Dean.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 14th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

And here’s my public service announcement for everyone: if you find TDIET and the Lockhorns too hard to read at the Houston Chronicle on Sundays due to their small size, there are somewhat bigger images at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/tdiet.asp

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/lockhorns.asp

By the way, “Dome doily” is just about as awesome as “skull turf”. Scadutoese terms relating to hair are the best!
Dingo
October 14th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

After changing her answer on #2 to Mary Kay and Johnny, Helena Handbasket is correct on #1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 12, 13, and 14. Questions 4, 5, and 10 are incorrect. The toughest of all of these is #4.
Dingo
October 14th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

Oh, for those of you who looked at VON TRAPPED!, there are three animations. The top strip just has one but the lower strip has two. In panel one, click on Von’s shorts. In panel two, his arm. Mind you, these are NSFW.
Dean Booth
October 14th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

Dingo (#195): Is the answer to #10 “The Kiss,” May Irwin and John Rice, 1900?

#196: Great job on the Vera/Von adventure series. You are much braver than I am.
Dean Booth
October 14th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

#197: Errata: 1896.
Hank
October 14th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

RE 190/Mibbetmaker. Stan Lee has been calling Jonah “JJJ” in Spiderman comic books since 1962. We can’t take credit for it.
Dean Booth
October 14th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Dingo, answer to #4:

“The annual [capybara] hunt comes before Easter, when capybara has a status in Venezuela similar to that of turkey during Thanksgiving. While the Roman Catholic Church generally forbids eating meat during certain days of Lent, many Venezuelans insist that the capybara is more akin to fish than to meat.”
benzo
October 14th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

FC: To think fellas, if you had just been able to SHOW us this instead of TELL us through your creepy talking signatures, you might have actually had a good joke for once in your lives. Epic failure Keanes. Epic failure.

FW: Wait a minute. So Les’ solution to his predicament is to have Funky fly all the way to New York to come get him and , what’s more, he doesn’t even have the decency to wait for him at the airport? Instead, Funky had to go searching for him all over New York in a rainstorm? Man, having a dead wife has turned Les into a total douchebag.
Professor Fate
October 14th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

FW: Okay – maybe i’m just dumb but what the hell just happened here? Les goes to NY, puts Lisa’s ashes in the park in the rain – then gets his pocket picked – in the rain and then remembers his daughter and discovers said pick pocketing – then using lucky quarter calls someone to come pick him up – but he flew in what the hell is this all about? Did Funky (I am assuming it’s funky I’ve only been reading the strip for about a year so I’ve never seen him) drive there? Les, after that call goes back outside in the rain? I mean come on this makes no damn sense. How about going to the cops – shit at least the would give you a cup of lousy coffee and let you dry out.

I don’t get this at all – this makes no linear sense in any way Enough this is making my head hurt like I was hung over hurt and I don’t even have the happy memory of gin lashed wild sex to take some of the edge off my headache.
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 14th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

10/14

A3G: Uh-oh. We’re about to see some serious Margo-fu.

HotC: Was not expecting an Emiliano Zapata quote.

Phantom: So Bangalla never signed onto that stuffy old Geneva treaty.

FW: There are libraries, Les. There’s Grand Central Station. There are coffee shops where you can buy something with pocket change and wait. No need to sit out in the thunder shower and be a martyr to pneumonia. If Lisa’s watching, she won’t be that impressed.

9CL; Panel 1 guest-drawn by Rob Liefeld.
Dingo
October 14th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

Dean Booth, you got The Kiss and 1896 but you didn’t give an actual answer for #4. In what country is the capybara considered a fish?
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 14th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

#192 Dean Booth,
Re: Aristotle Kent: As Homer Simpson said on a similar occasion, “You know who would love this? Men.”
Gold-Digging Nanny
October 14th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

Sunday comics:

Once again, it’s time for Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny!

1) The dog in the top panel got raked up by his owner. The dog on the bottom hopped into the bag to, ah, re-enact his favorite Green Day album cover.
2) The kid in the top panel is wearing a sweater knitted by his crazy Aunt Thelma. It has only one arm.
3) The kid in the bottom panel will become a mass-murderer one day. They usually start out with animal torture, you know. The grin on his face watching that bird after cutting off its legs and sticking a leaf over its beak so it can’t eat is downright creepy.
4) The fish skeleton on the bottom is of a fish that had two ribs surgically removed to achieve an hourglass figure.
5) The cat in the top panel will try out for the Mets next season.
6) The kid in the top panel is wearing not a woolen knit cap, but a hat cunningly fashioned from a blue Slurpee.

This episode of Six Degrees with the Gold-Digging Nanny was brought to you by 7-Eleven.
Helena Handbasket
October 14th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

#195 Hmm…

Ok, on #4, given that the declaration that it was a fish was made by the Pope, one could say that the country where it’s a fish is Vatican City, I suppose.

On #5 I still say it’s too hard to come up with a definitive starting place of which condiment is oldest. Does a “condiment” have to be processed in some manner, or do pepper and salt count? If it doesn’t need to be processed, then salt is the obvious choice, unless vegetables can count, in which case garlic and onion are even more likely. Are you going based on oldest *recorded* condiment?
Buck Ripsnort
October 14th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Slylock: Is that Undersea Scientist’s Jet-Dome actually inside the shark? Talk about going the distance for Science! And for Garfunkel’s sake, why didn’t he SHOW us Cassandra’s desk? Again w/ the show/tell confusion.
FCMeta-”jokes” make my head hurt.
Misha Handbasket
October 14th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

Baka Gaijin @ #171: Actually, I’ve never been to Japan; part of my family is Japanese, and I’ve known lots of people who have been over, but I haven’t made it yet. The horror stories I’ve heard about “Japanese-style” public restrooms, however, have been alternately terrifying and amusing. ^_^

As far as the one with two distinct errors, I’m not sure which is worse: actively attracting the attention of yakuza in a limousine, or doing so and then calling him “grilled chicken.” Either way… yeesh.
Big Sims
October 14th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

So if Mallard Fillmore hates rap (and black people in general based on his comics) does that make him a a cracker? Or a quacker?
Olde Goat
October 14th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

202: I’m as confused as you are. It’s a ten-hour drive from Northeast Ohio to NYC, and a quarter won’t help much in making a long distance NY-OH call. Perhaps Funky just happened to be in NY at the time, though I don’t remember him moving to the City before the dark ages began. A day in Cleveland is like a day without sunshine, and Les, being from NE Ohio, probably relishes a good soaking. So he returns to his comfort zone to await Funky.
Of course, these are ten-year old images filtered through shit-colored glasses as guilt-plagued Les reclines on his analyst’s couch and are probably suspect.
Helena Handbasket
October 14th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

#195 Ok, here goes on the condiment thing:

Oldest recorded spice seems to be a form of pepper. English etymology: O.E. pipor, from an early W.Gmc. borrowing of L. piper, from Gk. piperi, probably (via Persian) from Middle Indic pippari, from Skt. pippali “long pepper.” The L. word is the source of Ger. Pfeffer, It. pepe, Fr. poivre, O.C.S. pipru, Lith. pipiras, O.Ir. piobhar, Welsh pybyr, etc. Application to fruits of the capsicum family (unrelated, originally native of tropical America) is 16c. The verb meaning “to sprinkle as with pepper” is from 1612. Peppermint is first attested 1696. (from etymology online)

Oldest recorded processed condiment appears to most likely be be mustard. English etymology: 1190, from O.Fr. moustarde, from moust “must,” from L. mustum “new wine” (see must (n.1)); so called because it was originally prepared by adding must to the ground seeds of the plant to make a paste. (from etymology online)
bats :[
October 14th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

196. Dingo: woo hoo! Now with extra weenie!
Little Guy
October 14th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

SFx: Forget it, Slylock. It’s Cassandra. The cops won’t even file a report. They’re too starstruck.

S-M: Continue? (Yes/No/Reset)
bats :[
October 14th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

204. Dingo: I believe the country would be Vatican City; this was a religious issue, which permits Catholics in South American countries who eat capybara to eat it during Lent.

This is a little surprising in Our Day and Age, but during the Middle Ages, duck (at least the hindquarters) was considered a fish because ducks spent so much time with their heinies in the water (Quack….AAAAH!). Monasteries would also raise rabbits and eat fetal rabbits during Lent, as they had not been born yet.
(Dammit…queasy again…)
Dingo
October 14th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

You got ‘em, Helena (and Bats for #4). So that they’re all together, here are the questions and answers again.

1. What does music hath charms to soothe?

“Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast, to soften rock, or bend the knotted oak.” – from The Mourning Bride by William Congreve (yes, breast, not beast)

2. Name the first television series to portray a married couple who slept in the same bed.

Mary Kay and Johnny

3. What is the current location of the Museum of Bad Art?

Dedham Community Theater, 580 High Street, Dedham, Massachusetts, USA
Conveniently located just outside the men’s room where the nearby flushing helps maintain a uniform humidity.

4. In what country is the capybara classified as a fish?

Vatican City

5. How did the world’s oldest condiment get its name in English?

The English name, mustard, is derived from a contraction of the Latin mustum ardens, meaning burning wine. This is a reference to the spicy heat of the crushed mustard seeds and the French tradition of mixing the ground seeds with must, the unfermented juice of wine grapes. (http://www.ingestandimbibe.com/Articles_p/mustard_p.html)

6. To whom should we give thanks for originating the concept of Spring Break?

Socrates

7. Prior to the U.S. entry into World War II, the northern portion of California considered seceding from the state and forming a new one. What would the name of our then 49th state have been?

Jefferson

8. There are two women prominently captured in the opening of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. One of these women is the actress Mary Tyler Moore. The other was shopping in downtown Minneapolis the day that a film crew shot the throwing of Mary’s hat into the air. When she died at age 91, news services around the world reported her death as though she were a celebrity. What is the name of the woman scowling at Mary Tyler Moore?

Hazel Frederick

9. Two families have had Academy Award winners in three generations. One of the families is the Coppolas: grandfather Carmine for Best Musical Score — The Godfather, Part II; father Francis for Best Original Screenplay — Patton, Best Adapted Screenplay — The Godfather, Best Director and Best Adapted Screenplay — The Godfather, Part II; and daughter Sofia, Best Original Screenplay — Lost in Translation. Name the other family, its winning members, and for what each won their ‘Oscar’.

Huston. Grandfather Walter won Best Supporting Actor — The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, father John for Best Director and Best Screenplay — The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, and daughter Angelica for Best Supporting Actress — Prizzi’s Honor

10. Name the film, the two actors kissing, and the year of theatrical release for cinema’s first on-screen kiss.

The Kiss (also, The May Irwin Kiss), May Irwin and John Rice, 1896

11. In the movie Steel Magnolias, a character says that she doesn’t know who said it but “If you can’t say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.” Name the woman who said the quote, her father, and the other entity under (or not under, as it were) his control.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth, daughter of president Teddy Roosevelt. He said he could either control affairs of state or Alice, but not both. Some quotes use “be President or…” or “Congress.”

12. Who was the inventor of email?

Ray Tomlinson

13. What title was the Jack Nicholson movie As Good As It Gets given in Hong Kong when translated to Chinese?

Mr. Cat Poop

14. According to Bishop James Ussher, how many days after the 1st day of Creation were Adam and Eve driven from the Garden of Eden?

Eighteen

1st day of Creation being October 23, 4004 BC and banishment from Paradise on November 10, 4004 BC

Ark touches down on Mt. Ararat – Wednesday, May 5, 2348 BC
Poteet
October 14th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

MW — If Vera rejects the money so she can continue to claw her way up the business ladder as a typist, I’m going to find a way to get into Charterstone and smack her silly. On the other hand, if the dialogue alone is considered in this strip, without any visuals, it almost matches RMMD for filthiness. Ewww.
Dennis Jimenez
October 14th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

MW – I’m guessing the mystery envelop contains a dollar-off coupon for a bacon ultimate cheese burger at Jack in the Box.
Dariaclone
October 14th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

#169 and #170, I have traveled in place with squat toilets before and I don’t actually hate them. There are many times in the U.S. (especially in the porta-potty situations at music festivals) that I wish squatting was a better option. Needless to say, with the help of Google, I have learned that the direction of squatting is different than in other places. I now feel ready for this trip.
bats :[
October 14th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

I swore to myself when I started loitering here, I’d stick to PhotoShop snarking. But then…Dingo’s “Von Trapped!” (to say nothing of his Sound of Music experiences), Mark Trail Theatre, etc., etc. The fates have conspired against me, and the thought of “The Sound of ‘Mudgeons” was just too appealing. Here’s my humber entry, featuring those blond-on-blond siblings from Mary Worth, Vera and Von Shields:

[Von:]
You wait, Vera dear, by some horse’s gear
For fate to let you slide on
Your life, Vera dear, is a horse’s rear
That men will want to ride on

[Vera:]
To ride on

[Von:]
You are twenty-eight going on sixteen
Stuck in a dead-end job
Though you’re my sis, I gotta admit
That you make my manhood throb

You are twenty-eight going on sixteen
Still just a single girl
Not getting younger, filled with a hunger
Your life’s hardly a social whirl

You need someone older and wiser
Vera, I’m just the man
Tennis an’ incest, it’s all for the best
I think it’s quite a plan

[Vera:]
I am twenty-eight going on sixteen
It’s like I’ve half a brain
Life with old Mary, she’s pretty scary
It’s getting to be a pain

I am twenty-eight going on sixteen
Clueless as that old Dawn
Though you’re my brother, I want another
Cory, and not you, Von

I need someone older and wiser
It sure as hell isn’t you
Drew is a cad but he’s not half-bad
He’s prob’ly a decent screw

[Mary:]
You are twenty-eight going on sixteen
You suddenly find you’re rich
But steer clear of Von and his big hard-on
–You’ll find yourself in a ditch

[Vera:]
Oh, Mary! You’re such…

[Mary:]
Yes, Vera? I’m such…

[Vera and Ensemble (Von, Dawn, Drew, the Professor, Tobey, Wilbur, and the Ghost of Aldo):]
…a bitch!
Dingo
October 14th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

How to use a Japanese-style toilet bowl (they actually say “bowel” instead of bowl and I find that misspelling amusing)
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 14th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

Burns: “I don’t remember writing a check for bowling.”
Smithers: “Uh, Sir, that’s a check for your _boweling_.”

–Episode 3F10
Muffaroo [Smilin Kip W]
October 14th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

Friday, two days late:

DtM Kneesies, nosey kneesies!

Saturday, one day late:

Archie – A lot going on here. In the second panel, Archie’s dad finds Arch hiding under the stairs because Mom wants Archie to paint the shed (which I presume is not a euphemism). In the last panel, they’re both under the stairs because she wants Fred to clean the gutters (same thing — she really wants him to clean some real gutters, you filthy-minded bastards). But they’re not alone! Apparently she wants those hat boxes that have appeared there between panels to trim the hedge, and she wants those wrapped parcels that just showed up to put up the screens, and she wants the brick wall behind them to mow the lawn, and she wants the artists’ names to draw funnier comics.

DT – And so we bid a fond farewell to our present story line, and say hello to a new one involving Tracy’s mysterious inability to hear what his wrist geenee is trying to tell him.

The look Tracy gives his fellow crime fighter’s departing backside reminds me of the episode of Deep Space Nine where Sisko and his crew infiltrated the classic episode “The Trouble With Tribbles.” In the last scene on the Enterprise, Sisko takes the place of a pretty ensign who gave Kirk a message, and as he left the deck, Kirk leered endearingly at his bum.

FC – Thank god the syndicate made them go back and insert “tachio” in that caption.

GT – Why do I feel that if Cully smiles, he’ll cock his head slightly to one side and reveal a missing tooth on one side?

MT – No, no, that’s not villainous enough. Make it “You get someone to put those ducks in a safe, and then have somebody take care of them, see? I’ll be drawing sideburns on my face with a grease pencil.”

Pluggers – Oh great, now I have to get another line just to avoid being a freaking plugger. Does it matter that I’m in desktop publishing and not auto mechanics? I guess not. Damn.

Zippy – Today’s was kinda snicker-funny, as opposed to “well, it’s a funny old world” funny.

Sunday: maybe later. Been so busy I haven’t read all the comments above. Sorry. For me, I mean.
Dean Booth
October 14th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

#220: Nice, bats. We put on The Sound of Music in the eighth grade. I was “the prompter” so I memorized all the lines and lyrics.

MeanWhile: The perfect gift!
Poteet
October 14th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

Foob — Warning, Monday 10/16 spoiler ahead — Gaaaaaaaah, it’s finally happened. Michael’s ubercrappy novel is out. Expect ghastliness in the weeks ahead. I’m gonna keep a bucket next to the computer.
Jamus The Bartender
October 14th, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

THE CAT AND THE CURMUDGEON
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
I was in my studio apartment, packing a bag for Anchorage. Anchorage. When you’re a little kid, does the thought ever go through your head, ” Hey, I think i’d like to go to Anchorage, Alaska.” No, it doesn’t. Yet, here I was, on my second trip to our 49th state in as many months. I thought i’d stop by Goldberg’s to pick up my last check.
Dick Tracy was at the bar, listening to someone on the phone. He hung up in disgust. All I caught were the words “…lucky quarter…ashes…pickpocket…” before Dick slammed the phone down.
“Wife asking for alimony?” I asked with a smirk.
“Dunno…” said a clearly wasted Tracy, on what looked to be his fifth grain alcohol and prune juice. “Whereygoin’?”
I let out a sigh. ” I’m off to Anchorage once again. You remember Anchorage, Dick? It’s where you were in prison. And me too. For two nights. Two nights i’ll never be able to get back.”
“Oh…” Dick said, his eyes not focused on anything. Then he raised an eyebrow. “Ohh….yer gonna go see the kitty…..”
I didn’t answer.
“Damn, I just told ya to call her, I didn’t tell ya to bail her out or anything….you’re not gonna bail her out, right?”
“No, no, ” I answered, honestly not sure what I would do when I got off the plane….
***********************************************************
Seventeen months ago.
Cassandra didn’t speak to me for a whole week after the incident with Liz and Paul. Any other girl would have gone to see her mother or sister..
But she never mentioned any family.
Once, when we ordered pizza, and I was short of cash, she tossed me her wallet to pay the kid, and I noticed , apart from a mess of credit cards with different names on them, there was not one personal photograph, no pictures of family…I think there was one picture, but it might have been the stock photo which is included with the wallet upon purchase. I never asked as Cass grabbed it back, saying, ” Mine.”
Mine. Her money. Her jewelry, her boyfriend. Her slave.
Anyway.
I figured enough was enough, so I went out to the store to pick up some flowers. The whole mess was her fault, but here I was getting flowers.
Maybe a necklace too? What the fuck, why not?
I brought home the prezzies , opened the door to my apartment only to find….You guessed it , Curmudgeonites.
For what but in Chapter Eleven and a chapter entitled Chapter Eleven would happen but opening a door to find every stick of furniture, every book, every electronic piece of equipment, every album, CD, stolen.
I went to open the fridge. That was gone too.
Amongst the debris she chose not to take with her, was a letter, emblazoned with the letter
“C”. It smelled of her perfume.
I opened it up. All it said was, “I’m sorry baby, but I couldn’t help it. Cassie needs her nose candy.”
Someone who looked a lot like me went out to the fire escape and let out a primal scream much like the one Les let out just before he got his wallet stolen…..
***********************************************************
I got off the plane in Anchorage to find a grim-faced Slylock Fox, and a nervous Max Mouse waiting for me. Well, they are detectives. “Hi, fellahs. I won’t ask how you knew I was coming…”
“There’s a big problem, Jamus…” Max tittered, Fox standing by, noticably silent. ” Cassandra was just released from jail.”
I dropped my suitcase. “Who in hell paid her bail? The judge ordered a bail of thirty thousand dollars.”
“Someone paid it, just a day ago. ” said Slylock through sharp canines. “And you wouldn’t believe by who!!”
End of Chapter Eleven
Poteet
October 14th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

# 220 — BWAHAHA! Thanks, Bats. Since I can’t excise the original SOM lyrics from my brain, I’m grateful they are coming in handy.

# 224 — HAR! Dean, I think your version is actually more realistic by MW standards.
bats :[
October 14th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

228. Poteet: sure it might be useful, but that bastard Von probably knows it’s impossible to buy replacement ribbons for these artifacts now!
dale
October 14th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

Funky
benzo / Professor Fate / Olde Goat -

I’m glad you took on the logistics of the trip. I got pissed every time I started to organize a rant.

Was Les so stupid that he headed out of town with all his money and IDs in the same wallet? Even if he had a round trip ticket and didn’t lose it, he still has a major problem getting on a flight with no ID.

If this had been an overnight trip (was it?), I’d head back to the hotel even if I had checked out in the morning. With some trace of identity established, you have a shot at getting a room and a real phone without admitting that you have become a non-person. [joke about Les here]
katherine
October 14th, 2007 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

I really, really want that knife/USB thing. I don’t know why, I can’t use it at work (mental health, no weapons around clients) and rarely need a USB flash thingy at home, but I really, really want it.
Anythingbutwork
October 14th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

Between Friends: Good new (to me) comic, but why do the characters laugh so hard at their own punch lines! It’s like when reasonably witty people finish every bon mot by saying “Umm…“ loudly, killing all the funniness.

Characters laughing at their own jokes is okay for a senile cartoon like Snuffy Smith, though, just like Grandma can be forgiven for telling the same story a dozen times. And how the heck do they make it look exactly like it looked in the 70’s?

No doubt others have remarked on this already: today’s BC is funny, secular, and up-to-date! Is there a new power behind the cash-cow throne here?

JP: Yow! Cleavage AND Saran Wrap! Uh, what was the plot about again?

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