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Soapy chaos in the Big Apple

Mary Worth, 4/23/12

Oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting there to be some more dramatic meat to the “Nola reforms” storyline, or at least maybe the reappearance of that comically weepy televangelist? Well, tough! Having squared all that business away, Mary is going to jet off to New York City without so much as a pool party. Who needs some lame California soirée when there’s a hip New York City get-together you’ve been invited to, probably in some converted loft space on the Lower East Side, am I right?

I’m actually pretty sure that this will be the first time I’ve ever seen Mary leave Santa Royale, other than when she flew to Vietnam to rescue Dr. Jeff from the charity work he loved so much. Obviously Jeff doesn’t get invited on fun trips, though we should maybe question whether Mary is going to have as much fun as she thinks she will. Since she was unable to handle the raw urban horror of downtown Santa Royale and its hellish Women’s Shelter, I imagine she’ll find even New York’s most upscale neighborhoods utterly terrifying.

Apartment 3-G, 4/23/12

Because you know what happens in New York? Rampant adultery, that’s what! I mean, if you consider mashing your faces together drunkenly and saying “KISS” really loudly to be adultery, which I’m assuming Mary does. Anyway, this kissing business is clearly Margo’s worst bad idea yet — not because Margo is somehow morally opposed to stealing men away from their hugely pregnant wives or anything, but because Scott is a whiny little feeb not worthy of her attentions and Nina is a badass who can strangle people with her mind.

302 responses to “Soapy chaos in the Big Apple”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    DtM — Über-Aryan Dennis Mitchell and Hitler Jr. attack a jar of cookies… for the Glory of the Fatherland! Seriously, is DtM’s pal Joey one of the Hitler clones from The Boys from Brazil? And is curmudgeonly neighbor George Wilson really Dr. Josef Mengele in disguise?

  2. nescio
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m presuming that Mary and the friend used to perform the dance routine she’s currently rehearsing.

  3. ScienceGiant
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#2): really? I was expecting signs of stigmata…

  4. Mibbitmaker
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Luann:

    Much later….

    Little girl on a milk carton, missing.

    Brad & Toni: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

    Random Person: “Say, aren’t you two in the business of being concerned for peoples’ safety?”

    B&T: “Yeah. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

    (meanwhile, TJ tries to put Ann’s life in mortal danger — that’ll teach her for trying to run a professional business!)

    TJ: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” (Ann’s dead) “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….”

  5. Hogenmogen
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Although they have been leading up to it for at least two weeks, and I even posted once on this premise, I am still majorly surprised that Scott & Margo are one step away from the horizontal mombo.

    I suppose now that Nola Wolveston has caved and gone to the other side, Margo had to score one for our team. Yah, MARGO!

  6. Liam
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    MT-I would be more worried about the fish in the river than I would be about your friend, Mark. If they fish are attacking squirrels then they could attack a person next.

    MW-And so begins the “Mary Worth”/”Apartment 3-G” crossover. Mary has been called in to convince Nola that she wants the child.

  7. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Josh, didn’t Mary go on travel-meddle once before, when she went to visit the Fainting Figure Skater and her dad?

    And I don’t know if Mary will witness any adultery in NYC, but I’ll be pretty happy just to see her sit in that Olive Garden near Times Square and remark primly that the Seafood Alfredo is only $15.75 back in Santa Royale and she doesn’t see why it should cost any more here because after all, isn’t it just the same dish but with less friendly service?

  8. Froggy
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    FW – The coming out storyline is shaping up clearly now. Within a week there’ll be the pivotal scene where Little Les Clone and Hats McScruffy corner Summer, and demand that she confess which of them is her true love. Summer: “Neither one of you. It’s just that I’m … I’m … not into guys! … And who the hell are you two anyway?”

    Of course when Summer uses the same line in coming out to the real Les, he’ll just use it as an excuse for being “witty”: “You’re not into guys? I think you mean that guys won’t be getting into you.” And yes, he’ll smirk.

  9. Illustrator Steve
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    MT – “He probably came out here alone to see for himself. Maybe I can help by not leting anyone know that I am coming out here alone to look for him. Afterall, he only discovered an illegal marajuana crop growing in his district. WHAT could possibly go wrong by me going out here ALONE with my old dog?”

  10. Hogenmogen
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    MW: I like Mary’s “reach for the sky” pose. It makes me think that Dr. Jeff pulled a Magnum from behind that newspaper. Cool, calm and heavy-lidded, he simply asks “‘Nothiing‘, Mary? Not even two .45 caliber shells in your chest?”

    The first time I read the strip, I thought she said “I’m going to work,” and Jeff said “What? Why??” as in “You hardly ever go to the hospital and when you do, you only get in the way with your saccharine quotes, snotty bon motts and condecending advice… oh, I mean, I’ll see you in the cafeteria, Mary!”

  11. terrapin
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#2):She seems to be performing the Village People’s YMCA. She’s got the ‘Y’ down pat.

  12. bobbaloo
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    By golly nothing is going to keep Mary Worth away from an East Coast Hokey Pokey.

  13. pugfuggly
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    MW “Nothing will stop me! Not a strong wind…not a glass box….not my inability to mime silently…NOTHING!”

    A3G previously on Apartment 3-G….“Here’s a fun game, Margo: one person names a category, and the other has to whisper it in their ear. I’ll start….hmmm…..popular 1970s rock groups.”

    MT Wait, how did Mark get the green boat now? Are all boats in this part of the woods completely green? Oh my god! It’s MARIJUANA! THE GREEN BOATS ARE MADE OF MARIJUANA!!!

  14. Chareth Cutestory
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MW: Foreshadowing! Absolutely nothing will keep me from attending, no matter how many opportunities for me to do some meddling might present themselves. Now, let’s discuss this over dinner for an entire week.

  15. Froggy
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @terrapin (#11): I think it’s the Bangles’ “Walk Like an Egyptian,” although the move in Panel 1 needs a little work.

  16. Liam
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    A3G-”Scott never kisses me like that at home.”

    Archie-”We have your number, Archie. In fact some rather large guys has your number as well.”

    RMMD-But for a pony show it is always better to have males than females.

  17. Liam
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    MW-This will be one plane trip that you want terrorists to hijack.

  18. Hogenmogen
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#2): I think she may be trying to be the first talking mime. “Hey, look, I’m in an invisible box and I can’t get out! And from time to time, we all feel caged in our identities and lives! Now I am tugging on a rope and the rope is hard to pull! This is symbolic of the difficulty that we have in change! But look, I’m pulling it just a little! See, we can all… Jeff, pay attention as I use your lampshade for a skirt!”

  19. Mibbitmaker
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is now up! A new story!

    Sorta kinda meta — in universe, mainly. I’m no Mitch Hurwitz, but not for lack of trying.

  20. Hogenmogen
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#16): A3G – Tommie: Margo doesn’t kiss me like that, either!

  21. pugfuggly
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#14):

    later that evening, in a restaurant kitchen….

    “Oh shit, Mary fucking Worth just walked through the door with her idiot boyfriend. Well, get out the tiny spoons, start baking pies and I’ll tell the wait staff to start picking straws to see who gets the overnight shifts….”

  22. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    I’m actually pretty sure that this will be the first time I’ve ever seen Mary leave Santa Royale, other than when she flew to Vietnam to rescue Dr. Jeff

    Mary’s 1960 jaunt to the “Sarah Cragmore Hotel for Women” must have slipped your mind…

    http://expatriato.blogspot.com/2008/06/image-du-jour-worth-mary-worth.html

  23. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey— Sarge is slipping into senility. He no longer knows the correct way to pitch his tent.

  24. Crankenstank
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    I’m trying to figure out if Mary is practicing mock-surrendering, or is pantomiming “it was THIS big”, but in the context of a trip to New York City, either possibility is too unsavory for me to allow my mind to allow it. So I’m going to just pretend Mary is doing an ineffectual invitation to “high ten” her on her news.

  25. Chareth Cutestory
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    A3G: You have to hand it to Scott here, he has found the perfect storm for betraying a woman. 1) Knock her up, 2) have another woman decorate the nursery with you, 3) get drunk with the other woman in that nursery, and 4) get caught taking it to the Bone Zone while in the nursery by the lady you knocked up.

  26. Chareth Cutestory
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#21): It’s a good thing that dinner for old people starts at 3:30

  27. Hogenmogen
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Yes, just as a story-line was almost beginning to make sense, along comes Sarah-the-cutesy-plot-pause-button leading into a weeks long irrelevant discussion about My Little Pony. “If I had a pony, I’d name her “Pink”, because she would have a big, pink tail!”

    “Yeah, after reading about his sex life, I’m going to bury my drunk dad today and meet with the stepmother who is suing me. I have a hangover, too. Yeah, pink pony. Got it.”

  28. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    MW: Hey kids! Make your own “Mary Worth sealed in carbonite!”

  29. Dave
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @terrapin (#11): Mary is totally forming the letters N and Y with her posture. Now I have to go back and check past strips for further hidden messages!

  30. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    9CL: GAAAAAAH! I thought this was covered in Saturday’s silent-yet-deadly panel. Obviously I am new here.

    “I love you so much that I can’t be bothered to take a pregnancy test.”

  31. Stroker Ace
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Family Circus (of Ennui) – Because one litter is enough for Mommy.

  32. The Ghost of Jarrod
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    JP - “Working?” Is that what the kids are calling sex these days?

    MT - That’ll teach the squirrel to climb trees around flying fish.

    MW - It’s time to do some meddling in…New York! New York!

    A3G - If you aren’t praying for Mary to meddle Margo and whatzisface onto the straight-and-narrow, you are either not a real Mudge, or you’re an atheist who’s hhoping very strongly.

  33. Marc
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Luann- Are these two assholes going to be so fucking smug after that brat starts playing around in the kitchen and gets her hand ground off in the blender? Besides, why do they care if she’s around or not? It’s not like they’re going to have sex or anything.

    A3G- Speaking of sex…well sort of. FINALLY we get to the adultery. It’s not just the kissing, but you can almost make out that they’re furiously grinding their crotches together.

    Mary Worth- I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m hoping this party in NYC has something to do with Gina and Bobby. I’m also very disturbed that Mary is coming to my state. Luckily I live about as far from NYC as you can and still be in NY but it is still too close in proximity for me to be comfortable.

    Funky- This is probably going to be worse than if Batiuk retconned these two gay. Now we get to have the epic nerd struggle to see who will win the heart of the perfect, infailable, manly specialest snowflake. Which one will prove to be the biggest loser?

    Mark Trail- Would it be too much to ask for that giant, fanged fish to devour Mark and his all green boat? I mean as long as Andy gets away safely. God only knows what that dog has had to endure. He didn’t get to pick his owner.

    Cranky- If were lucky, those onld shoes will cause him to fall down the stairs.

    Hi & Lois- Last I checked it’s not Wdnesday. So why are we being subjected to that sun worshipping demon child?

  34. Nekrotzar
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    maybe Mary will receive an award for her heroism in rescuing that kidnapped girl. Because she really didn’t get enough attention for that.

  35. Liam
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    MW-But Mary you can’t go to New York. Who will watch Jeff while you are gone?

  36. Mibbitmaker
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    A3G: First the same unneeded and pointlessly “and…” included narration wastes-of-space, NOW an overdramatic, oversized, totally unnecessary “KISS”, when the action shown is clearly enough on its own! THAT’S SO HORRIBLE!
    …..Oh, and Margo, how dare you, etc., etc.

    Blondie: That doubly sexist cliche?!
    STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!

    FW: Who’s fantasizing? Tom Batiuk is fantasizing!

    RMMD: Has she been talking to Danae again?

    BBlues: Blame the Phantom.

    ReFOOB: Some things will never change — both of them! –AND assholic John/Rod, too.

    9CL: Had a nice, subtle, lovely strip on Saturday, and now today’s totally ruined it! Damn you, McEldowney! You can’t even do right right!

    MW:
    Then, the skies outside the window darkened, lightning and thunder boomed on cue, and ominous shadows enveloped a suddenly-sinister and angry-looking Mary.
    “…and I do mean nothing! Get the picture?!”, she grumbled darkly as old horror movie organ music played from the depths of Hell itself!

  37. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#27):

    It makes the story a lot more palatable if you keep in mind that Widdle Sawah is actually a 50-something little person with the smoky voice of a Night Court bailiff.

    “You always want more girrrrl than boys, ’cause once you get to my age, the boys start dropping like flies from lung cancah. Pretty soon it is just you and your cats. So – I’m gonna sneak outside for a Winston Light before my doctor’s appointment, you want a puff?”

  38. Esther Blodgett
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    MW: Is Mary wearing a leather skirt? Agh, here comes the hysterical blindness…

    Luann: Shannon? I don’t know, I guess she went off to sharpen her teeth and dip them in strychnine in preparation for her next victim. Kids!

    MT: By the third panel, Andy has tired of Mark’s marijuana monologue and has wisely abandoned ship. And just how big is that green boat, if a man and a full-grown Saint Bernard can sit with an eight-foot buffer zone between them?

  39. Horace Broon
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    FW: Seems to be heading towards the “Luann Zone”, where I despise all the characters so much, I can’t even read it to snark about it.

    HtH: It’s funny because the Vikings didn’t really have a clue where China was, and even if they did it’ll take months to get there!

    JP: Sarah, once the second brightest person in this strip after Abbey the Wonderdog, is now proudly working her knowledge that six is more than five into the conversation.

    S4th: Oho! Having not been fired, Alice doesn’t want the people clearing out their desks and wrapping up their projects to notice that she and Sal are friends. That’s a perfectly reasonable plot development, and one that didn’t occur to me, so kudos.

  40. thegatwickview
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth don’t make no sense. Either she moon-walked from the first panel to the second panel to be standing between Jeff (is that Jeffy from Family Circle in a Lost timewarp?) and the window with the flower vase =OR= she had her home designed to have two walls that are identical in size and design, and each decorated exactly the same way. I suspect the suicide rate for architects in Mary Worth’s universe trumps the national average.

  41. Holly Folly
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    I know I shouldn’t care about anything in apartment 3G on this level, but does anyone else want to punch Scott is his stupid face?

  42. pugfuggly
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    FW “Yeah! When I show up tomorrow in my Green Lantern costume and make a public overture of love to the girl who may well be aware of my existence, then we’ll see who’s living in a fantasy world!”

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Sinfest: *gigglez @ panel 3*

    AD: golf, an excuse to turn in a strip for decades. not remotely funny, btw, but hey, it’s a space filler! (see NAoQV for details.)

    CdS: I agree with Alice.

    IP: coming soon, issue #1.

    Lio: gotta love grams.

    PBS: /facepalm.

    SBp: Wiley Miller begs to differ.

    Zits: obligatory “Oh, the huge manatee!”

    Crank: seesPibgorns upskirt and raises.

    MG&G: problematic is a perfectly cromulent word.

    RMMD: Abby knows where to stick that cold nose for maximum effect.

    RwO: ROFLMAO.

  44. TheDiva
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    A3G: Somehow Nina’s going to end up being the one apologizing for this, I just know it.

    MW: “Don’t worry, Jeff, there’s plenty of food in your bowl and Toby will come by twice a day to go walkies with you.”

    9CL: Saturday’s strip was effective in its simplicity; nothing more needed to be said. So of course Brooke will spend the entirety of this week saying it anyway.

    C’shaft: You know the boot stomping on a human face forever that Orwell talked about? Unsurprisingly, Crankshaft’s the one wearing it.

    FW: And let me check…yyyep, you just surpassed Gunther’s level of creepy. Well done.

    Lio: Awwwwww!

    Luann: I hope they both get the needle when Shannon’s half-consumed-by-predators body turns up in the woods behind Toni’s house.

    MT: Hey guys, did you know that marijuana is grown illegally on both private and public lands? I’m as shocked as you are!

    PBS: I admit it, I laughed.

    SM: “Idon’twanttobearoundyoulongerthannecessarybye!”

  45. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    “Kiss” as a sound effect? Is Apartment 3-G being written by David Gonterman these days?

  46. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    an ounce-worth of squee.

    for True Fable.

    PPG cosplay. (sweet, clean, cute)

    Love. (ponies)

    Off the wind on this heading lie the Marquesas. (corgsqui)

  47. Old School Allie Cat
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    FW – Boys, boys – settle down. There’s plenty of unattractive ladies to go around of everyone…

  48. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    A3G – GASP!! Visible waists!

    BB – Lamest production of “Charlie X” ever.

    C&B – No, no, the gnomes go down to Bism!

    DT – Does he even need to go to prison? Couldn’t you just find him room and board with some nice old lady to get his plaintive need for basic human contact and affection from? It’s like putting a kitten in San Quentin.

    FW – Ew. Ew.

    GT – She’s a tramp, but I love her.

    JP – Holy zoinks is she filling out. Give it another year and she’ll be up there with Abbey.

    Luann – meteor strike meteor strike meteor strike meteor strike

    Mandrake – You’d think a guy who so desperately wants the Lost Chord played would just, you know, learn how to read sheet music.

    MW – It’s deeply disturbing to see all that delineation on her chest. Joe, Mary’s breasts are the last thing I want to think about, okay?

    Monty – I’d take the European Scavenger Hunt child-naming technique over the Wrong Spelling of Conventional Names method any day.

    NAOQV – Well that explains Fred Basset.

    RMMD – Does Sarah do animal husbandry on the side, then?

  49. wossname
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    MT – You know what, forget about the marihuana and Rangertommartin. Let Mark go on out of panel and disappear. I want to see the fight to the death between the fish and the squirrel.

    Sly – If Shady really wanted to appear innocent, why didn’t he just go home?

    Luann – I don’t get as outraged/horrified/nauseous over this strip as many Mudgeons, but I have to agree today about the horrible parenting/babysitting practices on display. First they praise the little monster for biting the big monster, and now she’s disappeared and they don’t care.

    CdS – Anybody heard how Thompson’s health is? The guest artist parade is obviously over, and I don’t recognize these strips as reruns, but I’m not a longtime reader so maybe they are. I really hope he’s doing well and that these are new strips.

  50. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    3G – Step! Gasp! Kiss! Nina’s shocked because she can see a gentleman’s trousers, or at least the waistband.

    9 – This is serious. Edda’s taken Amos to her “Let it be” boulder.

    Hi – Check it out! Special appearance in the last panel by Phyllis Glarm, the second Trixie (1962-9). Sadly, the original Trixie was executed by the State of California years ago for her role in a fatal hostage crisis at Sam’s Strip.

    Tiger – Damn it, Punkinhead! NO WIRE HANGERS!!

  51. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y170): Edda’s gaining a lot more weight than a “mere mortal.” See how the boulder is cracking under her?

    @Froggy (#15): I think it’s the Bangles’ “Walk Like an Egyptian,” although the move in Panel 1 needs a little work.
    Mary’s slightly handicapped by her first-hand knowledge of how the ancient Egyptians really walked.

    @Marc (#33): Luckily I live about as far from NYC as you can and still be in NY but it is still too close in proximity for me to be comfortable.
    Me too. We were closer to NYC when we lived in Massachusetts.

  52. seismic-2
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    A3G: How to Pick up Women in 6 Easy Steps, by Scott Gaines:

    (1) “Margo, my wife is pregnant, and I’m so overjoyed that I’ll lug around a giant teddy bear until the baby arrives!”
    (2) “Margo, I want to add a nursery, but I’m totally incompetent at home renovation.”
    (3) “Margo, let’s drink to my wife, the most wonderful woman in the world!”
    (4) “Margo, let’s drink to my wife’s father, the most wonderful father-in-law I know!”
    (5) “Margo, let’s drink to my wife’s mother, whose untimely death was the most tragic story you’ve ever heard.”
    (6) “Margo, you… you… you’re just too hot for Hoboken!”

  53. K-Paul
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Mary’s practicing her “Hand’s up” for when she get mugged by one of those colorful New Yorkers. She doesn’t raise her arms all the way be cause of, you know, underarm stains.

  54. Swordsmith
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    A3G Kiss is not onomatopoeia. When you show a gun going off, you don’t write in “Gun” or “Bullet” as the sound it makes. I would have accepted “smooch” or the Mad classic “smeck” but this is wrong.

    A3g pt duex @Chareth Cutestory (#25): 5) For bonus points, don’t knock the woman up by the old pinhole in the condom trick, instead convince her, despite her utter lack of desire for a child, to carry a baby for you 6) (not yet shown) when caught, explain that you find her unattractive now that she’s pregnant

  55. Chyron HR
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Luann – “Where’s Shannon?” “Who cares?”

    (Surrogate) PARENTS OF THE YEAR Y’ALL.

  56. teenchy
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    A3G: I so hope you’re right about the Nina-strangling. In all the years I’ve followed this site I’ve never understood the Margo fascination. Compared with the two blancmanges she calls roommates a potted plant has personality. Margo is due a beatdown.

  57. NoahSnark
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Looking to sober up? Play the Mary Worth drinking game! The rules are simple – take one shot every time you see a person who isn’t white while she is in New York. Spoiler alert: at Mary’s insistence they are filming the story arc in Calgary.

  58. btown
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Mary is practicing the stance she will assume as the TSA screeners at Santa Royale International Airport (SRX) palpate her colostomy bag

  59. bunivasal
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! I can see Margo’s waist! I didn’t even know she had a waist! I don’t know, man, I just sort of assumed you got to the navel and she just… stopped! I’m freaking out!

  60. Stev0
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    It’s not supposed to be the sound effect of them mashing lips; it’s that Margo is listening to the classic album “Dressed to Kill”.

  61. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    RMMD: While this strip has held little interest ever since we’ve realized that those robes aren’t going to fall off no matter how much we shake our newspapers or computers, I have to admit to being pleased that Sarah appears to share her breakfast cereal choice with Calvin.

  62. erdmann
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MT: Dear Lord! *choke* The fish have gotten into the marihuana and now have the munchies so bad they’re eating the squirrels!

    FW: Guys, guys. It’s okay. The great thing about fantasy girls is you can share them. For example, I shared Kathy Ireland with about 50 million other guys and there was never a problem.

  63. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    MW Mary’s so excited about her big trip to the Cit-tay, but she’s really hurt that Dr. Jeff has spurned her “high five.” He feels justified, given that she routinely spurns his “low six.”

    A3G Huh, so that’s what a kiss sounds like in A3G-verse: “KISS.” I wonder what other forms of intimate contact sound like there.

    FW Tomorrow, Cody is expelled from Westview High for taking his fantasy one step too far by exposing himself to Summer.

    Luann Let me just take this opportunity to say that one of the things I particularly dislike about Toni is the posture she assumes when she rubs her spine against Brad’s side as if that is something really sexy.

    MT “I know that marijuana is being grown illegally on both private and public land, but I bet Tom was surprised to see if growing in his district!”

    In addition to discovering the pot pix at the office of Ranger Tom Martin, USFS, Mark has also discovered his script.
    No fair, Mark, that’s cheating. You and Andy will have to figure this out on your own.

    CS But more like a mitten because there are no separations for the toes. Asshole.

  64. Pozzo
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    I don’t think Jeff even knows what Mary said. Judging from the dazed look on his face, I’d say he’s just automatically answering out of his drunken stupor. Expect “When?” “Where?” and “How?” to follow, quite possibly after Mary’s already left the room.

  65. Illustrator Steve
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MT – As Mark Trail adventures up the river in panel #2, he creates the lyrics to a new song based on the John Lee Hooker melody to, ‘one bourbon, one scotch one beer’….

    (Mark): “LET’S see now, HOW does this sound, Andy? Ah-humm… ‘GREEN BOAT, GREEN OUTBOARD, GREEN OAR! Does that sound like a hit to you, Andy?”

    (Andy): “Sounds like we’ll BOTH be GREEN and dizzy if you HIT those rapids up ahead! KEEP your eyes on the river, you dipstick!”

  66. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    FW: I can’t believe I am thinking about plot details for this %$@%&$@#&*ing strip (I blame society) but DUH, if nerdling #2 really wanted nerdling #1 out of the picture, make him believe that Summer stood him up at Montoni’s, and while his melancholy sits on brood, nerdling #2 makes his play. The play’s the thing!

    Or…

    Nerdling #2 could have said he sent the fake texts to steer his buddy away from imminent disaster, giving him a smirk-filled lecture about stalker-y texting and the dangers thereof. Also: Cancer. (You get it from cell phones, I hear.)

  67. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s 9CL, today!:

    Edda: “First, you flowed out into me, and flowed, and flowed, and flowed. Second, as a result, I have stopped flowing entirely. And that’s how the second pretty much flows out of the first.”

    Amos: “Wait. You said, ‘…the second pretty much flows out of the first.’ But you also said, ‘Second, as a result, I have stopped flowing entirely.’ These seem contradictory. Does the second event involve flowing or not flowing? Which statement is correct?”

    Edda: “They both are. One describes the flow of the events. The other describes the events that flow, or don’t flow. Do I need to make you a flow chart?”

    Amos: “I guess I don’t get your flow.”

    Edda: “That’s right.”

    And another month will pass without Amos knowing that he may be a father.

  68. Señor Tortilla
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Luann: If I were Evans, I’d take this in an exciting new direction! Shannon is hit by a car, Brad and Toni go to jail, TJ gets decapitated in an unfortunate “work related incident”, Midget Elvis is arrested on other charges (registered sex offender), Luann is Put on a Bus, and the strip ends.

  69. Chareth Cutestory
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#54) Kiss is not onomatopoeia.: Then you’re doing it wrong!

  70. Hogenmogen
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#32): JP: She’s working it like a claw.

  71. Pyzimber
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary prepares to do the Chicken Dance in front of Jeff.

    MW2: Personally, I’m overjoyed at the prospect of Mary visiting NYC, if only to see the backgrounds portrayed by the artist, so we’ll see a lot of cityscapes as if this was NYC in the 1930s. Maybe we’ll see cameos by Oliver Warbucks and Little Orphan Annie! I half expect Mary to get off the bus, singing “Just got here this morning. Three bucks! Two bags! One me!”

    A3G: It’s sad when the reader could have seen this twist coming from about two months away.

    RMMD: I highly doubt that a doctor of Rex Morgan’s standing would allow his daughter to eat “Sugar Bombs” cereal. Where’s the “Colon Blow”?

  72. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#38): As you can see if you follow the panels, the boat is quite regular in size. The problem is that all land-based life is shrinking — which also explains why the fish now considers the squirrel a possible food source.

  73. Illustrator Steve
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    MT – WHY has Andy dissapeared in panel three?
    Did Andy FALL out of the boat?
    Did Andy JUMP out of the green boat to go after the squirrel?
    Did the gigantic FISH finish off Andy in one gulp?
    DOES Mark even CARE where Andy dissapeared to?
    DOES anyone really care WHERE the hell Andy went?
    WHEN will UPS deliver Jackelrod’s color inks to his studio since all he has left to work with is GREEN ink? (From the looks of the boat in panel three, he has even run out of GREEN ink!!!)
    HOW much longer can I take all of this suspense?!!!

  74. Hibbleton
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    A3G: For this Bolle felt compelled to show that they’re still wearing pants.

  75. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    MG&G: Needless to say, “troubulating” and “hurtfulistic” are now part of my vocabularyance.

  76. Roto13
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    “And nothing will keep me from attending! Especially not you, you little, little man, so don’t even open your filthy whore mouth!”

  77. Roto13
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    “KISS”? I think that’s supposed to be “HISS” since that’s the sound Margo makes when faced with any sign of affection or body contact.

  78. Hogenmogen
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#57): Don’t forget how many Oriental faces we saw when Mary shipped off to Vietnam. That could have been filmed in NY. Heck, that could have been filmed in the Asian Buffet Restaurant in Frankfort, KY – except they’d have to keep half the staff in the kitchen and import some more Anglos for the background.

  79. kingklash
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    A3G: is she taken aback by the kissing of another woman, or the fact that she knows Margo feeds on men’s souls?

    GASP!!

  80. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Luann – Oh, you idiots. If the child is not in view, and not making noises that allow you to track their behavior, then you need to jump up RIGHT NOW and find out what they are getting into. That quiet you are experiencing is not a sign that nothing is wrong. It is a sign that she is doing something wrong, and trying to keep it from your attention.

    Good job with teaching the child that violence is an appropriate response to authority! That is some forward thinking, of the type I’d expect from these two morons. Watch this all come back to literally bite them in the ass when Shannon grows into a teenager and uses this lesson when deciding how to respond when “mommy” acts “like a bitch”.

  81. btown
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    MW: You know, Mary didn’t actually mention NYC at all. She just said she’s going to “New York”. She could totally be going to Fort Plain, Big Flats, Endwell, Medusa, etc…

  82. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Abstruse Goose: At last, a comic strip addresses the scandalous 640KB memory limit of MS-DOS. Maybe this will force Bill Gates to fix the problem!

    // Still waiting for the upgrade from DOS 6.22. And when is Bob 2.0 coming out?!

  83. Austria
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    A3G: Considering what happened the last time I thought I was right, this’ll turn out to be Scott teaching Margo CPR or something.

    BGSS: How long ago was it that Barney Google visited? Snuffy has short-term memory loss.

    FW: Yeesh. Every day the subtext turns more and more into text. This is Les the Younger’s way of accepting Owen’s advances. Brokeback Westview, y’all.

    H&L: Who’s this lady? Trixie’s supposed to be lying around in the sun unsupervised all day. More importantly, why is Trixie Wednesday on a Monday this week? Do they just want our Mondays to be that much more miserable?

    PBS: I giggled.

    RMMD: I’m so happy someone pointed out the Sugar Bombs. Looks like June won’t let her eat the chocolate frosted variety.
    (Six mares? I used to wonder what friendship could be….)

  84. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

  85. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#82): Bob 2.0′s coming out this fall, they’re calling it “Metro.”

  86. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#82):

    Effing DOS 6.22! Still pisses me off to this day!

    DOS 6.0 contained a program called MS Backup that was a protoype of ZIP and could be used to create a backup of a dataset. I had one such backup, covering a dozen or so “floppy” discs (3.5″ and not floppy at all, of course). And, yet, MS DOS 6.2 would not restore this backup.

    I was informed that DOS 6.2 was not able to support restore of MS Backup files from a previous version, as the original author of the Backup software won a lawsuit against Microsoft and, as a result, the Backup utility was re-written. But! MS DOS 6.22 was capable of restoring my DOS 6.0 backup, for a modest fee, of course.

    MS DOS 6.22 did no such thing! After days of cursing and ranting, I finally decided to visit the computer lab at Local Community College, and thank god for budget cuts – they were still using DOS 6.0! Restore conducted, vast number of 3.5″ floppy discs written to, contract to maintain the database fulfilled!!

  87. Hogenmogen
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    MW: Ah, here we have an opportunity to show Mary at the airport in a thought balloon heavy week having an inner debate about the trade-off between giving up liberties and winning the war against terror.

    Panel 1: Mary’s face loom large. “Those who trade freedom for safety deserve neither. – Thomas Jefferson”

    Panel 2: Camera pans back to reveal that Airport Security is performing a deep anal probe. “However, I did vow that NOTHING would stop me from attending.”

  88. Jim North
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    A3G: From the looks of Nina’s face, by “GASP!!” she means “I am not having any appreciably noticeable reaction whatsoever.”

    A&J: You’d think Arlo would be fine with saying that he hurt his back trying to use the Force on the TV remote.

    BB: When did Stephen King start writing Beetle Bailey? This is genuinely disturbing.

    Crank: Whatever you do, don’t do like I did and imagine that Crankshaft is cutting one in the second panel.

    Oh, whoops . . . sorry.

    FW: I’d ask why, if the Punisher wanted Summer to be his fantasy girl, he wasn’t texting himself pretend messages from Summer – aside from the apparent implication that he actually just wanted to be a fantasy girl – but that would involve me demanding more information about Funky Winkerbean.

    Luann: Shannon has wandered off with grim determination to play in traffic. She expects the cars to stop for her. If they do not stop, she will bite them. Toni and Brad will then congratulate her on this course of action, primarily because it allowed them to have some prime anti-sexual makeout times.

    MT: “I hope he didn’t run into trouble!” Mark says, not realizing that he himself is in mid-catastrophe, about to either be eaten by a giant mutant fish, defecated on by a giant mutant squirrel, or – far more likely given the circumstances – both.

    MW: “NOTHING!” she screamed in Jeff’s face. Long seconds ticked out as they stared at each other, Mary with icy determination and Jeff with addlepated bafflement. It was only when she started reaching for the meddling stick that Jeff finally jerked into quick action, protecting his more vulnerable areas with his arms and hands while shouting “Okay! Okay! I believe you! For God’s sake, I believe you!

    “‘God’?” Mary repeated, darkly amused and hefting the meddling stick easily in her hand. “You have no God.”

    Zits: I work in the electronics section of Wal-Mart. I have to deal with this kind of thing every day, and not just from snot-nosed tech-obsessed teenagers with more of their parents’ money in their pockets than sense in their heads.

    This is why you should always keep a second copy of your contacts list somewhere. On your computer, on a piece of paper, somewhere. Do it. Do it noooow!

  89. Poteet
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#Y171): What kind of self-centered inconsiderate blithering idiot insists on making a long journey from a crowded airport to a rock in a park before saying anything meaningful to her probably-worried boyfriend, and then (probably) tells him she’s pregnant, a life-altering event, without ever bothering to take a test to confirm that it’s true? It’s obvious once again that Brooke thinks “romance” and “selfish idiocy” are the same thing. As for his implication that accidental pregnancy is just what happens when you looooove someone…*headdesk*

  90. Poteet
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    LUANN — I just caught up with this strip, which I read in paper format, and now I understand the wonderful acidic commentary. Thank you, Mudges, for saying it so well.

  91. UncleJeff
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    A&J (missing 4th panel)
    Janis: “Masturbating?”

  92. Poteet
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#67): HAR! Thanks, I needed that.

  93. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#88): Regarding contact backups: I prefer my method — I just piss off everyone so much that I have no contacts. Well, aside from 911 which I have to call every time those damned kids are on my lawn! (And I’ve almost got that number memorized.)

  94. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#93): That’s cool. Hey, what IS the number for 911?

  95. Fashion Police
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#6):

    MW-And so begins the “Mary Worth”/”Apartment 3-G” crossover. Mary has been called in to convince Nola that she wants the child.

    Don’t forget that when Miss Magee was planning the Gaine$ wedding, the future Mrs. Gaines humiliated her by wearing the red power-suit, forcing Miss Magee to appear in public in prissy powder blue, a color heretofore seen only on Mrs. Lu Ann Powers. Miss Magee, of course, never forgets.

    We suspect Mrs. Worth has been called in by her secret abandoned daughter, Miss Abigail Thompson, to sort this out, reconcile Mr. and Mrs. Gaine$ to blissfully wedded blandness, and somehow take Miss Magee down a peg. Frankly, our money is on Margo.

    (aside to Pope Josh): Don’t forget that Mr. Gaine$ owns a battery-acid factory in Puerto Rico whose sole purpose is fouling the drinking water of poverty-stricken third-world villages. He is not quite such a “feeb” as he appears to be.

  96. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#94): It starts with a “9″ — but I always have problems finding the “11.”

  97. SarahM
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Austria (#83): My guess is that Margo is giving Scott a sympathetic peck on the cheek after hearing the sad story he supposedly told her about Nina’s mother but for some reason the readers were not privy to the details. Anyway, Nina will blow up at him due to pregnancy hormones and there will be lots of silly angst. The only banging going on in this plodding plot will be the readers’ heads smacking into walls as everything is smoothed over in the most ridiculous and non-eventful way possible, much like Lu Ann’s creepy stalker engagement ended with a whimper. (Not that I would particularly want to see an actual adultery plot, because it would be pretty damn distasteful and awful, especially given that Nina only got pregnant at Scott’s urging, but why even go there if it’s just going to be the stuff of overdone, hackneyed cliche of wacky sitcom misunderstandings?)

  98. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#96): Apropos of practically nothing, the emergency number in Japan is “119″.

    // And they drive on the left.

  99. Roger
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth gives Jeff the secret cabalistic gesture while informing him of her “party” with “an old friend”, but since he’s a feckless non-initiate, it all goes over his head.

  100. Steve the Pocket
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3G: All I can think about is those awkward captions that exist solely to convey what a competent artist could have just drawn. “Nina reaches the upstairs landing and…” “Nina climbs the last step and…” I’m thinking of another poorly drawn, usually-backgroundless comic that would be dramatically improved with the addition of captions in every panel stating where the characters are standing.

    Funky: So I guess it’s pretty clear that the kids who end up being the stars of the “coming out” storyline aren’t going to be these shlubs. Unless Batiuk really is planning to have the two, distraught over their combined failure to woo God’s Gift to Mankind and desperate for dates, decide to “go gay”. I’ll keep the popcorn on standby just in case.

    Good lord, here I am wishing that a storyline that’s meant to tackle a heavy real-world issue will be incompetently written. What the smeg is wrong with me?

  101. Fashion Police
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#38):

    Is Mary wearing a leather skirt?

    Frankly, we find the concept so distasteful we shalll retire to a darkened room for the rest of the day.

  102. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Roger (#99): That’s not cabalistic, that’s Masonic — and it’s a sign of distress. Technically it should be accompanied by the phrase, “Is there no help for the widow’s son?” but in Mary’s case the words are superfluous since there is no help for anyone stuck in Mary’s world.

  103. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#100): Regarding unnecessary narrative — how can Nina reach the upstairs landing in the first frame, then climb the last step in the next?

  104. Jim North
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#94): Don’t be ridiculous, there’s no such thing as 911! Those are three completely different numbers!

  105. The Ghost of Jarrod
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#36):

    9CL – That should be the epitaph for McEldowney’s career.

  106. Irrischano
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    What’s up with Nina’s jacket? Is she returning from an Outsiders fan convention?

  107. Comcis Fan
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Nothing will keep Mary form attending that New York City rave gala, not even Dan Smithers!

  108. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#82): Whatcha talking about, Willis? I ripped MS-DOS 7.x (unofficial, of course) off of the first Win95 machine I ever came across.

    Of course, I use FreeDOS these days. 32-bit, non-complicated command-line networking, and a halfway decent text browser FTW.

  109. Mikey Mike
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Scott is a whore. YES I SAID IT.

  110. Mibbitmaker
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

  111. Comcis Fan
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    MW II: While Mary’s in New York reliving her misspent youth, perhaps getting tipsy, perhaps coming face to face with a “Dan Smithers” from her own past, it might be nice if she dropped in on Gina and Bobby to see how the latest New York Blazes bride is doing.

  112. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#108): Ahh, FreeDOS. Do you really use it as a primary OS?

  113. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#112): I have, though I’m a bit of a Linux LiveCD junkie these days. I use FreeDOS primarily for Norton Ghost and network boot disks (floppies and CDs) these days.

  114. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#112):

    THEY MAY TAKE OUR LINUX! BUT THEY CAN NEVER TAKE … OUR FREEDOS!!!

  115. Marc
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#57): Starring the Pengrowth Saddledome as Madison Square Garden, the Rocky Mountains as Ellis Island, and a Moose standing on it’s hind legs as the Statue of Liberty!

  116. sporknpork
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Don’t worry, they didn’t see anything. “Gasp” is Nina’s little pet name for Scott. His pet name for her is “Sigh”.

  117. Uncle Lumpy
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#6):

    … so begins the “Mary Worth”/”Apartment 3-G” crossover.

    Oh, pleasepleaseplease … Mary v. Margo at the End of the World.

  118. Marc
    April 23rd, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @btown (#81): As long as she stays the hell out of Buffalo.

  119. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#92): I’m glad you enjoyed it. I feel like I’ve already made the flowt.

  120. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#115):

    “it’s”

    ?

    // c’mon Marc, this is CC!

  121. gnome de blog
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    The giant squirrel-eating fish looks like a northern pike or a muskellunge, which puts Lost Forest somewhere in the Great North Woods. Isn’t that kind of a short growing season for marijuana? Not that folks don’t grow it up there, but it seems less than ideal.

  122. Victory Garden
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth: Who are those kids in Alices house? I thought the whole idea was that she was a virgin spinster. Has this turned into Sally Eyre?

  123. Horace Broon
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#100): Good lord, here I am wishing that a storyline that’s meant to tackle a heavy real-world issue will be incompetently written. What the smeg is wrong with me?

    Well, there’s no sense in wishing it’ll be competently written, because, y’know, it’s Funky Winkerbean. Might as well wish it’ll be entertainingly incompetent, and not just dull and preachy.

  124. Baka Gaijin
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Let me count up the places I can’t travel: Vienna for The Burber, New York for The Meddler, and northeast Ohio for The Cancer.

    “Where’s Shannon?” In the kitchen starting a fire because no one’s paying her any attention in the living room.

    Pluggers might be able to work on their carb-equipped, non-electronic anything cars if they weren’t so incredibly fat.

    Mary’s got the worst case of Jazz Hands I’ve ever seen. Worst as in “poorly executed” case, not the most excessive case.

  125. Tigerama
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Damn but I love Mary’s “see ya, dick!” wave as she announces she’s taking off for “New York.” The state? The city? Who knows!

  126. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#63) wrote:

    A3G Huh, so that’s what a kiss sounds like in A3G-verse: “KISS.” I wonder what other forms of intimate contact sound like there.

    COTW nomination!

    I guess that explains why they never show anyone in this strip below the waist… don’t want to accidentally slip into NSFW sound effects.

  127. Poteet
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#51): Thanks, I missed that!

  128. lynn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Shannon is conveniently out of the room when Ann Eiffel, who has finally snapped due to being tormented by TJ, bursts in and slaughters Toni and Brad. Shannon then goes on to grow up into that kid in the “Orphan” movie.

  129. lynn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    FW: I am still calling it Cody and Owen at the prom. Either they will do it at Summer’s instigation, as a social statement and to win her favor, or we’ll find out that Summer was only a beard, as slight as Owen’s goatee.

  130. lynn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Cody and Owen = Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. I’m talking Stoppard, not Shakespeare.

  131. Poteet
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    MW — Hey Mary! While you’re partying with your sisters from the Dark Side, there are two twits sitting on a rock in a NYC park who would be perfect for your traditional competition for “Most Spectacular Spell-Induced Dissolution.”

  132. Ingeld
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#88):
    RE: FW. You posed my question. If I was infatuated with some girl, I would not pose as this girl and text other guys so that they believed she liked them.

  133. Austria
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#100): re FW: You want something to snark on. It’s a kind of sick comic-page masochism.

  134. Digger
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    MW: Already in party mode, Mary is clearly ready to raise the roof. Except she’s misinterprets those sayings that the young people use and is pushing her hands sideways: “Look at me, Jeff. I’m going to ‘widen the walls’ at that party in New York. Yo, yo, word down!”

  135. Baka Gaijin
    April 23rd, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#108): Still running a 5150 or have you upgraded to a Zenith MinisPort? [snerk!] As much as I miss the olden days, back when computers came only with ones and you had to supply the zeroes, I appreciate multiple large screens hooked up to a many-core processor box with gigabytes of primary storage and SSD secondary storage running a 64-bit multi-user multi-threaded operating system.

  136. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#135): As much as I miss the olden days, back when computers came only with ones and you had to supply the zeroes…

    You had ones? Luxury! I had to do with lower case “L”s.

    // But you tell that to kids these days…

  137. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: “What’s that Mary? You need to sow some wild oats. All right, go. Go and have fun. I’ll probably find someone else too.”
    “Ah, Jeff, I didn’t say anything about…”
    “No, no, it’s for the best. By the way, have you seen my address book lying around?”

    A3G: Now this, serial strip writers, is what we call “payoff.” I wouldn’t have though to have Nina dressed as James Dean in “Rebel Without a Cause” when she walked in on the Margo/Scott smoochfest, but the aesthetic choice works.

    H&J: Herb refers to this morning ritual as “stroking the beard”, for some reason.

    HtH: Don’t be so glum, Hagar. The two of you will probably die of starvation or exposure long before you hit China.

    S4th: Did Alice just have an accident at her desk? Happens to the best of us, I suppose.

    Phantom: Ernesto isn’t going to hear much about his own purported heroism, because he seems to have chosen now to catch up on his sleep.

    DT: “Better get the guest room ready for when this guy gets out of prison. Sure hope he doesn’t spend as much time in the bathroom as Tess’ brother.”

    FC: Billy wants to know how soon is now.

    Popeye: Tune in tomorrow when a brainless destructo-robot says “What? Her?” and walks away rubbing her head.

    H-Cliff: What’s exotic? Tickling a street dog with a feather. What’s kinky? Using the whole chicken.

    Luann: “Where’s Shannon?”
    “In the back yard, dissecting a live cat.”
    “Mmmm, my favorite place for her to be.”

  138. Illustrator Steve
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    MT – “I hope he did not run into trouble. Not like the trouble I seem to have run into with this darn antique outboard motor! The damn thing keeps sputtering and has lots of thick black smoke billowing from it. HEY Andy, LOOK! We are in luck! THERE is a nice campsite up ahead on that riverbank! And there are two neatly dressed UPS fellows sharpening their ax and making some fresh coffee for their friend sitting next to that tree. Hmm, THAT friend of theirs seems awfully familiar. Anyway, I am sure they will help us by fixing this motor while I have some of their coffee. Andy, WHY don’t you go chase that squirrel while I ask those fellows to cook me up some pancakes to have with that fresh coffee!”

  139. wossname
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#110): Thanks for the info on Thompson. Bourbon babe (off-blog) also directed me to this longer article on the same topic.

  140. Illustrator Steve
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    I should probably stop reading Mark Trail for awhile.
    The other day I saw someone I know and said to them. “HOW are you?”
    They must read Mark Trail too, because they answered, “WHERE did you learn how to talk?”

  141. TheDiva
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#100): @lynn (#129): According to information straight from the horse’s a–er, mouth, the same-sex couple in question will not be members of the main cast and will only be featured in two of the arc’s 24(!) strips. Because writing gay characters with realistic and relatable thoughts, feelings, and inner lives would get in the way of Batiuk standing on a soapbox and yelling for attention.

  142. Pozzo
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Don’t be fooled — we all know that “KISS” actually stands for “Knights in Satan’s Service.”

  143. Hairhead
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I’ve been watching Luann, and the characters and incidents are getting worse all the time, what with all the “encouraging assault”, “neglecting the welfare of a dependent child”, and so on. Therefore the only thing that can happen next is that:

    1) TJ splashes gasoline around Weenie World and burns it down. Anne E. is horribly burned.
    2) Anne is visited in hospital by Brad and Toni. Brad beats her up in her hospital bed which Toni keeps lookout in the hallway. Actually, Brad is unable to even bruise the weakened, drugged Anne E., so Toni has to come and in and finish her off by holding a pillow on her face.
    3) Shannon watches the whole thing and blackmails them.
    4) Knute masturbates to the pics of Crystal shitting, taken with his hidden camera. He shows them to Gunther, who tells Luann about it, just to show how “open” he is with her.
    5) Tiffany, through hard work and focus, gets a scholarship to college, whereupon she is caught in a burning building and B-wad has the satisfaction of watching her burn to death, and telling his sister about the whole thing the next morning.

    Sigh. And so on.

  144. lynn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Well I have now lost what little interest I could summon up for FW.

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#63):

    A3G Huh, so that’s what a kiss sounds like in A3G-verse: “KISS.” I wonder what other forms of intimate contact sound like there.

    They’re getting together to shout out their favorite 70s rock groups. Foghat!

  146. tallyHO
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Monday’s comics are full of WOW!

    It seemed like they were just teasing with Scott and Nina (I’m glad I’m not the only one surprised that Nina has a waist. If that meddling wife and meddling midwife didn’t show up, Nina could have put that waist to good use. Sigh, what a waste of a tease.)

    Beetle Bailey can manhandle people with his mind!
    oh. my. god. We should all fear a coup from Camp Swampy. Beetle’s Self-Image is going to conquer the world. At the very least Sarge should stop bullying him but more than likely Beetle’s telekinetic abilities will be forgotten by tomorrow.

    Mark Trail. Well, no Mystery Machine scene, the dog is ignoring Mark, the Krakken loves to feast on sort-of giant squirrels that are as big as young Sequoia trees and as Mark rides the waters in his quest to retrieve the Golden Fleece, “Purple Haze” plays, and the green fog continues to envelope the darkest corner of Lost Forest.

    @Esther Blodgett (#38):
    Mary Worth At first I thought she was wearing leather pants but a skirt sounds just as disturbing. It is so out of character. But, to me, so is the fact that she might have something going on with that Jeff guy. Are they live-in
    luvers?

  147. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136):

    And we didn’t have those fancy-pants “0″s that you get these days, either. Ours had a slash through them, as if they were half-off remainders from someone’s long division.

    And yet, despite being half-off, the zeros still cost exactly the same. And they may cost three times as much these days, but they still have Nothing in common with the zeros from the 70s.

  148. aprilglaspie
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Squirrel-eating muskellunge.

  149. tallyHO
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#117):

    Mary in NY. If Mary can meddle there, she can meddle anywhere.

    Mary Worth at Apt. 3G….this does bring up some potential foreshadowing.
    That faux-onamonopeia, the KISS…..

    That *could* be foreshadowing a guest appearance by the band KISS and if that happens we should then expect The Phantom to show up, too.

    (crickets? or, ahhh haaaaa!)

  150. Peanut Gallery
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Relax, they’re just singing a duet of “Rock and Roll All Nite”. (You can tell this is dangerous, rebel, outlaw music by the misspelling in the title. Spelling it “nite” fairly screams “I reject your safe, sterile, bourgeois value system!”)

  151. aprilglaspie
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @145: Probably pussy farts.

  152. aprilglaspie
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: And his dong is this long. You never stood a chance Jeff.

  153. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#150):

    Sometimes, I still like to Rock and Roll all day, then party all night – just to shake things up a bit.

  154. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#147): Ours had a slash through them, as if they were half-off remainders from someone’s long division.

    Bravo. “…half-off remainders from someone’s long division”

    // I shall certainly steal that someday. It’s poetry, and stealing poetry is not wrong, it’s erudition.

  155. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#135): Hey, now, I’ve got a SuperSport. Still works fine for everything it was intended for.

    The more power the industry packs into stuff, the less I find I ever needed in the first place. I spent the last three years on a chintzy Atom netbook, and I’ve only just moved up to a Core 2 Duo laptop – not because I need any more than I had, but because it was cheap and well-built. Both are running XP, because it does everything I need and doesn’t bother me with extraneous crap. I do my writing on a 2002 PowerBook G4 that I use as a glorified word processor these days. Eventually I’ll probably just migrate back to the SuperSport as the Internet and society in general passes me by altogether…

  156. Liam
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    JP-Abbey is out in the barn helping Dan with the milking which is odd because I didn’t know that we had cows.

    MW-Tragedy struck the Santa Royale to New York City flight when it crashed. According to survivors and the flight recorder an old woman somehow managed to talk her way into the cockpit. It is hard to understand but it sounded like she convinced the crew to quit their jobs right then and there and to go back to school. With no one to fly the plane, it plummeted straight into the ground.

    MT-And so begins Mark Trail’s “Apocalypse Now”.

    Spiderman-Someone in this house needs to make money to pay off the hospital bill.

  157. Peanut Gallery
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    MW – “I’m going to a party in New York!”
    “Okay, bye!”
    Nothing will keep me from attending!”
    “That’s fine. Have a nice trip.”
    “No matter how much you beg and plead…”
    “Will you just go already?!”

  158. Emily Litella
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Zits: What’s the big deal about Jeremy losing his contact lenses? Can’t he just buy some new ones?

  159. Jim North
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Emily Litella (#158): He can’t read his contacts without his contacts.

  160. Liam
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    MW-”That’s nice dear. Can you pick up some juice while you are out?”

    MW 2-Jeff is thinking that he has to teach Mary how to play charades better.

    MW 3-Mary, that is not how you jazz hands. Didn’t you learn nothing from Gina’s story?

  161. lynn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    “And we didn’t have those fancy-pants “0?s that you get these days, either. Ours had a slash ” – I feel as though I am intruding on a private conversation between Mr. Calvin and Mr. Scudder, but I am so sorry to hear you gentlemen never had “O”s back in the day. As for slash, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve read some slash that I thought was pretty interesting. Enjoy your day, gentlemen.

  162. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#161): I’m sure you don’t mean to offend but he’s actually Mr. Box. Rather formal, you know.

  163. Peanut Gallery
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#153): I’m partial to the sentiment expressed in They Might Be Giants’ song “We’re the Replacements”: After many refrains about partyin’, and “Rock ‘n’ rollin’ ’til the break of dawn”, an anguished voice shouts out “I don’t wanna!”

  164. Apeman
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 34-AA: If this his how intimacy works in this universe — the word KISS appearing above the amourous couple each time they kiss — I’m not sure I want to see the words that will be appearing above them once they get to the bedroom, i.e.: SIXTY-NINE!

  165. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#63): A3G Huh, so that’s what a kiss sounds like in A3G-verse: “KISS.” I wonder what other forms of intimate contact sound like there.

    F*ck?

  166. lynn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Scudder, I thought that given the topic, “Mr. Box” sounded risque.

  167. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#162):

    I tried to be just “Calvin”, but there was already someone posting under that name. Although their post complaining that I had stolen their username was the last one from “Calvin” that I ever saw. Oh, and it is Dr. Box if you feel the need to be formal!

    And thank you for the earlier complement. The best turns of phrase are ones you don’t even see coming until you are already past them, looking back from the other side and wondering how you managed to make the turn without slowing down.

    @Peanut Gallery (#163):

    Speaking of turns of phrase, TMBG’s “Then I think about the dirt that I’ll be wearing for a shirt … and I hope that I get old before I die” is another of their excellent subversions of a rebellious youth anthem.

  168. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G — What do you think the odds are here that this “revelation” is going to trigger Nina to go into labor?

    Meanwhile, in 9CL, McE strings things out as long as possible because he wanted to draw a rock, and people sitting on it, and damn you stupid beefwit readers for suggesting that the plot and characters should actually make sense, or at least give a reasonable imitation thereof.

  169. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Further thinking on 9CL, I’m wondering about that undocumented chunk of time between meeting at the airport and settling in atop that rock. I’m not sure what the distances and travel times are like in NY for those locations relative to each other, but I figure there’s at least 20 minutes to a half hour or more of getting the taxi, driving through traffic, arriving at park, walking to rock, climbing rock, etc. and more if there are things like taking the subway or detouring to their apartment to drop off her luggage, get the older folk settled, etc.

    So all that time Amos is wondering, and worrying, and Edda’s coyly refusing to tell him anything, and I’m wondering what she’s saying to keep him from stomping off in irritation and so on. Good gad, woman. I know your creator’s an ass, but this isn’t merely whimsy, it’s calculated cruelty.

  170. Peanut Gallery
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G, take 2 – “But we had to! The ‘KISS’ sign came on!”

  171. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    And if she didn’t tell him about the maybe-pregnancy in the airport, then what did she say that made him look so stunned and heartbroken?

    (See, Brooke, this is why you need an editor!)

  172. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#121): somewhere in the Great North Woods. Isn’t that kind of a short growing season for marijuana? Not that folks don’t grow it up there, but it seems less than ideal.

    Yeah, who ever heard of Minnetonka Gold?

  173. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#155): Plus, good old-fashioned magic marker and cardboard is quite good enough for a sign saying, “Hey you kids! Off of my lawn!”

    (Oddly enough, just a few minutes before reading your comment I was thinking about the days that WordPerfect took up 5 meg of storage, and still did more than the latest version of Wrod.)

  174. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#173): And that would be “Word.” Which I saw just as I hit “Post.”

  175. Liam
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    A3G-If Scott thinks he can kiss a woman that he is not married to then so can I.

  176. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#166): Mr. Scudder, I thought that given the topic, “Mr. Box” sounded risque.

    Precisely! That’s why I… never mind. Anyway, back in those days, I had plenty of “O”s. Upper case “O”s. (Lower case “o”s are just vulgar.) And, as for slash, forward and back, well, I’m hardly a virgule.

  177. Liam
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    A3G-They left a part out. Where is the part saying that Nina opens the door?

  178. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#174): No. “Wrod” is better. That is what I shall call it from now on, and I’m citing a well-known English prof as my authority.

  179. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#167): You’re very welcome, Dr. Box.

    // “Reverend Scudder” is fine.

  180. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#173), @Nehemiah Scudder (#178): I agree, “Wrod” is great.

    And yes, the kids these days with their iWhosits can get right the hell off my lawn.

  181. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    If I try to type “Wrod” into Word, the word auto-corrects to “word”.

    Wrod to your mother!!

  182. bats :[
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    And here I thought we were all in for a boring summer…

  183. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#181): By Grabthar’s Hammer!, I’ve already edited my autocorrect for Wrod.

  184. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#145): They’re getting together to shout out their favorite 70s rock groups.

    Tommie shouts out “Slade”! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Slade_-_TopPop_1974_6.png

    And Nina, “GASP” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPUvg1TIr3g

  185. ArchieNemesis
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#140):

    I should probably stop reading Mark Trail for awhile.

    Don’t stop just yet. I think some Metta World Peace-level violence is about to go down.

  186. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#180): “What hath God Wrod?”

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#182): You’ve outdone yourself. Wow. Effulgent.

  188. Baka Gaijin
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#155): Why stop at the Supersport? Go for the gold, Tandy 100. None of those futzy USB flash drives or fancy-pants floppy disks. No, store your stories on audio cassette, the magnetic medium endorsed by Pluggers!

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#173): I had a fully-licensed copy of WordPerfect 5.1 for DOS around here somewhere. The last machine I ran it on, a 486DX-something, WordPerfect was lightning fast. Actually, lightning looked at it and said, “Wow, that’s fast!”

    @commodorejohn (#180): I agree. Wrod runs great on my genuine Sorny Bio computer. I cheaped out and got a Magnetbox monitor with Panaphonic speakers.

    @bats :[ (#182): A known hussy. In New York City. Imagine that!

  189. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    I think “wrod” will be the new “teh”!

  190. ArchieNemesis
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#182): Big Apple Meddle-Con ’12 has so much potential. And you’ve got Jeff reacting to Mary like a normal human would, for a change. Bravo!

  191. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#188): I’ve got a legal copy of WordPerfect 6.2, I’ll have to see if it will work in DosBox in Linux.

  192. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Teh is teh new teh.

  193. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

  194. ArchieNemesis
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    With a little closer reading, I see that Liam and Peanut Gallery also nicely enunciated Jeff’s colossal boredom with Mary’s breathtaking announcement. And kudos to aprilglaspie for the best explanation of Mary’s bizarre hand gesture.

  195. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

  196. Baka Gaijin
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#191): So YOU were the one…

  197. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Whew!

    Works both upside-down and backwards! Which brings us to the next position in A3G….

  198. Nigel Tufnel
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    All my phones go up to 11

  199. Little Guy
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    GT: Same thing.

  200. Shrug
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#98):

    Presumably in the Southern Hemisphere, the emergency number is 116.

    (I don’t know what it is at the West or East Poles.)

  201. Poteet
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    A3G — “KISS”? Geez, we already know they’re kissing. Let’s see some useful information, like “FRENCH WITH LOTS OF TONGUE”.

  202. Shrug
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#102):

    Failing to get a response with the Masonic distress signal, Mary reaches back into her past as a carny sideshow kootch dancer and tries “Hey, Rube!”

  203. Marc
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#120): I feel shame. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my sad room.

  204. Shrug
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#135):

    “I appreciate multiple large screens hooked up to a many-core processor box with gigabytes of primary storage and SSD secondary storage running a 64-bit multi-user multi-threaded operating system.”

    Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    Heh, heh. He said “multi-threaded.”

  205. Shrug
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#172):

    “somewhere in the Great North Woods. Isn’t that kind of a short growing season for marijuana? Not that folks don’t grow it up there, but it seems less than ideal.

    Yeah, who ever heard of Minnetonka Gold?”

    Er, why do you think the U of MN sports teams are called “The Golden Gophers”?

  206. Shrug
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#6):

    “MT-I would be more worried about the fish in the river than I would be about your friend, Mark. If they fish are attacking squirrels then they could attack a person next.”

    Come to think of it, I haven’t seen any posts from HAMMY THE SQUIRREL for a couple of days. You don’t suppose….

  207. Arabella
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Shannon is going back to Weenie-World to finish the job on Ann Eiffel. She realizes that Ann is TJ’s enemy, and TJ is her only “friend.” Hence it’s curtains for Ann.

    Baby Blues: Wanda has inadvertantly left the TV tuned to cable news.

  208. Shrug
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#22):

    “Mary’s 1960 jaunt to the “Sarah Cragmore Hotel for Women” must have slipped your mind…”

    That was back in her salad days, when she was green in judgment, and had only been in her sixties for thirty years or so. She is much more sedate in her current sixties.

  209. AndyL
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure that “The Comics Curmudgeon Readers” has now become the largest audience demographic for both A3G and Mary Worth. A cross-over story line would really just be fan-service at this point.

  210. Shrug
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#38):

    “And just how big is that green boat, if a man and a full-grown Saint Bernard can sit with an eight-foot buffer zone between them?”

    We can tell by the green skin that it’s still growing. Once the boat gets ripe, it will settle down to one size.

  211. Shrug
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#45):

    ““Kiss” as a sound effect? Is Apartment 3-G being written by David Gonterman these days?”

    Actually I was thinking more of Victor Borge and his “Phonetic Punctuation” routine.

  212. Shrug
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#48):

    “Mandrake – You’d think a guy who so desperately wants the Lost Chord played would just, you know, learn how to read sheet music.”

    It was all a big misunderstanding. The villain isn’t interested in music; he’s a fanatic heirloom seed activist, and is seeking the Lost Chard.

  213. gnome de blog
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#185):
    I’m holding out for Raffi Torres.

  214. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#206): HAMMY stopped by today’s Arlo & Janis for a brief visit.
    (Arlo was reaching for his nuts, but HAMMY beat him to it…)

  215. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#180) said: “@Frank Lee Meidere (#173), @Nehemiah Scudder (#178): I agree, “Wrod” is great.”

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#189) said: “I think “wrod” will be the new “teh”!”

    You guys have been pwned.

  216. Peanut Gallery
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#155):

    Eventually I’ll probably just migrate back to the SuperSport as the Internet and society in general passes me by altogether…

    Ah, but what about music? You’re going to need one of these babies.

  217. gnome de blog
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#205):

    Er, why do you think the U of MN sports teams are called “The Golden Gophers”?

    Er, because they haven’t been to the Rose Bowl in 51 years and have to hide in the dirt?

  218. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#216): Hey, yeah. I’ll have to start saving up.

    Though I do already have all the important parts of my music collection on LP, or nearly all…

  219. Sequitur
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#117): The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe serves salmon squares.

  220. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#201): 3G is trying an experiment. If the word “KISS” successfully conveys a kiss to enough of the audience without making the drawing carry more of the weight, then Moy will start bypassing the artist more and more. Start watching for sound effect-style lettering that says things like “INTERESTING” and “PLOT.”

  221. Droopy Says
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#100): Good lord, here I am wishing that a storyline that’s meant to tackle a heavy real-world issue will be incompetently written. What the smeg is wrong with me?

    Nothing’s wrong. With Batiuk, incompetent writing would be a step forward.

  222. Calico
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    Just got power restored after a mega-windstorm, so finally reading today’s comix – and wow on 3G!
    Margo vs. Nina – as Wm. Macy said in Fargo, “Oh Geez.”

  223. Liam
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    A3G-We are being told that Margo and Scott are kissing because just from looking at that panel we can tell that it doesn’t look like they are kissing.

  224. Calico
    April 23rd, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Re: MW – Josh and all, didn’t Mary travel to Lake Placid a while back to see her old friend belittle his daughter whom he wanted to “groom” into a pro figure skater?
    Other than that trip and the Peace Village fiasco, though, I can’t think of any other sojourns outside Santa Royale.

  225. Higgs Boatswain
    April 23rd, 2012 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    “I received an invitation to a party from an old friend, and even God Himself will not prevent me from attending! So it is spoken, so it shall be. I’m warning you, Jeff, get in my way on this one and I will crush you like the roach you are.”

  226. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 23rd, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#174): No, “Wrod” is probably correct.

  227. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 23rd, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#191): Printing is a pain, but it does work.

  228. Mr. O'Malley
    April 23rd, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    When I started giving presentations to animals, I had to switch to Microsoft Pawprint.

  229. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 23rd, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#228): Does it work any better than MeowerPoint?

  230. Poteet
    April 23rd, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#220): Something to look forward to!

  231. klaus tommy baggs
    April 23rd, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: Nice try at the Grand Hailing Sign of Distress, toots. Meanwhile, in a moment of unintended great comic art, Jeff reacts with a hearty “meh”.

  232. debussy fields
    April 23rd, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#38): These comments made me laugh out loud!

  233. gnome de blog
    April 23rd, 2012 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#224):
    Back in the Good Old Days before the soft life of Lotus-Land beckoned, Mary was an itinerant do-gooder, sort of like Richard Boone in that hoary old 50s oater. Only in Mary’s case it was “Have Suitcase, Will Meddle.” She visited friends and relations in one unspecified location to another, occupying guest rooms and dispensing platitudes while whatever problems cropped up sort of solved themselves. I believe – and don’t quote me on this – the official name of the strip was “The Friends of Mary Worth.

    That, my friends, was the golden age of meddling.

  234. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 23rd, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#180): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#181): @Nehemiah Scudder (#183): @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#186): @Baka Gaijin (#188): @Artist formerly known as Ben (#193): @Alfred E. Neuman (#215): @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#226):

    One typo. One lousy typo. One measly, insignificant typo, and this is what comes of it?

    See why I spend so much time on CC rather than applying for jobs?

  235. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 23rd, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

  236. Black Drazon
    April 23rd, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    Gotta give the Mary Worth team credit for once, Mary seems genuinely enthused! Why she feels the need to say she won’t let anyone stop her from leaving ahead of time, though, I don’t know. “But do you want to try, maybe? Eh? Jeff? I picked up a few things at Judo last night, c’mon, try to stop me!”

  237. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 23rd, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#233): I’ll never forget Mary Worth’s extended visit with Robert Mitchum and Peter Boyle in “The Friends of Eddie Coyle”.

  238. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#236): It’d be the most action he’s gotten in years

  239. gnome de blog
    April 23rd, 2012 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#234):
    In the immortal wrods of Capt. Nathan Brittles, USA, “Never apologize! It’s a sign of weakness.”

    As your many fans and friends can attest, “wrod” was correct. Especially in that context.

  240. bats :[
    April 23rd, 2012 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#239): I don’t think Frank was apologizing…

  241. Fashion Police
    April 23rd, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#234):
    Frankly, my dear, we shall always believe you did it on purpose.

  242. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 23rd, 2012 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#235) said: “@Frank Lee Meidere (#234): COTW!!!”

    Don’t you mean “CTOW!!!”

  243. Not Worth It
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#80): That is exactly the sort of quiet I sometimes hear from my puppy. As soon as I realize that she is neither sleeping under my chair nor making loud jingling/scampering/drinking noises in another room, I go and find out what prized possession is now in 600,000,000 pieces. Not having children, it hadn’t occurred to me that the deafening silence was intentional – she’s cleverer than I thought!

  244. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#203): Pssst: comma splice at #154. (In other words, no shame or sad rooms needed; we all make mistakes—even the grammar police.)

  245. hibbleton
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    Crank: is their something wrong with me? I didn’t feel my usual hatred for crankshaft after reading today’s strip.

  246. demoncat
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    mary worth jeff look is saying what ever there is no way to stop you from going to new york to meet your friend and spare new people your meddling ways as Mary is over joyed with going after a whole new area to spread her power

  247. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#155): And now, annoyingly enough, I find that the SuperSport won’t boot. Damn. (I’m hopeful it’s only an issue of the power supply having gone, as it was a busted-ass Radio Shack adjustable transformer I got used from somewhere else… *crosses fingers*)

  248. Big Fish
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#206): “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen any posts from HAMMY THE SQUIRREL for a couple of days. You don’t suppose….”

    Dump a 5-gallon bucket of worms into the river in Lost Forest, near the UPS guys’ camp by noon tomorrow, or Hammy gets it!

  249. Ukulele Ike
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#212): @Shrug (#212): “he’s a fanatic heirloom seed activist, and is seeking the Lost Chard.”

    No! No! The villain is a closeted homosexual! What he’s after is the Lost Choad.

  250. Big Fish
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Big Fish (#248): OMG, missed opportunity for “sleeping with the fishes” reference!

  251. Anonymous
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

  252. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#244): Comma splice? Pshaw! In fact, phui. It is perfectly correct to separate two short independent clauses with a comma. And don’t quote Strunk & White at me, I’ve examples of E.B. White using the technique.

    // If you hadn’t goaded me, I would have used a semicolon in that last sentence.

  253. Mark B
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#234): Spare the wrod, spoil the child.

  254. Ginger Irving, Romance Novelist
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Wait, so is Jeff’s apartment continually altering its shape so the window always appears behind Mary? That’s some serious dark voodoo she’s wielding right there.

  255. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#244): But of course you are right. No need for shame, as I’m sure our friend is aware. Embarrassment, however, that’s part of the game. Goodness knows I make plenty of real typos and flat-out errors myself. And this is maybe the toughest blog in the world for grammar policing, for obvious reasons. We dish it out, and so we have to take it.

    But damn it, I won’t be busted for a comma splice!

  256. Baka Gaijin
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#204): Yeah, I’m packing a big ol’ processor if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

    @gnome de blog (#233): Sounds a lot like the current newspaper Spiderman but with less meddle.

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#234): I come for the snark, I stay for the pedantry.

  257. northernlurker
    April 23rd, 2012 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    MT: I think Mark and his friend Ranger Tom Martin have wandered onto the set of Deliverance. Do I hear banjo music?

  258. Liam
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    MW-Mary’s words say that she is excited about her trip to New York but her arm movements is wondering where did that fish go. (Watch “Monty Python and the Meaning of Life” to get the joke.)

  259. Poteet
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#203): Psssst! I’ve done worse.

  260. A Woman of a Certain Age
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Baby Blues: Did any one else find it disturbing that Wanda and What’s-his-name had apparently gone grocery shopping and left Wren alone in front of the TV? It seems a bit hypocritical that they would now worry about what she was seeing.

  261. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#184): Oh man. That guy all the way on the right in the Slade picture is all, “You’d better not be taking a picture right now. I mean it. He just snapped the picture, didn’t he? Damn.”

  262. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#234): Sorry, I just felt like being a part of something.

  263. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#262):
    KID: Gee, Sergeant Friday, Officer Gannon, all my friends were doing it, and well…
    FRIDAY: Kid, we’re your friends, not like the others.
    GANNON: Where did you get the stuff? You can tell us.
    KID: I promised I wouldn’t say a wrod. Don’t you understand? Not a wrod.

  264. Swordsmith
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    I still use Wrodprefect, despite the near universal adoption of Wrod for Widnows.

  265. Hibbleton
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#255): “…And this is maybe the toughest blog in the world for grammar policing…”

    You might enjoy language log. I won’t even attempt to post there. At least here, my usual gibberish can be (mis)interpreted as an attempt at humor.

  266. Sgt. Stoned
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    BB: Today we find out that Beetle’s super-power is telekenesis.

    MT: Methinks Mark has already taken a few puffs too many of the wacky weed as in the last panel he is hallucinating a trout attacking a squirrel.

    MW: And Jeff is thinking “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”

  267. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B (#253): What hath got wrod?

  268. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#249): Nah, he’s a probate lawyer. And he’s trying to find the lost Joad*.

    *After Tom Joad and his family, the Depression-era sharecroppers from Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath.

  269. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    I am the very model of a comic strip curmudgeon.
    My irony and wit are as sharp as any bludgeon,
    I know about all comic strips both present and historical
    From Little Nemo to Cul de Sac in order categorical,
    I know about slide rules too, and matters mathematical,
    But I am especially good at anything grammatical.
    I can diagram a sentence, and correctly use apostrophes
    Tho’ I curse like Donald Duck when I attempt to write pornographies.
    But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I am the very model of a comic strip curmudgeon.

    I am very good with words recondite and sesquipedalian,
    Although my drinking habits are especially bacchanalian
    Such words as fulgent, orgulous, occupy my cerebration,
    And especially floccinaucinihilipilification.
    I love to flaunt my knowledge of English lit and history
    Tho anything to do with sports to me is just a mystery
    But tho my comments range from the sublime to the ridiculous
    I hope that I’ve never made a fellow ‘mudge somniculous!
    But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I am the very model of a comic strip curmudgeon.

  270. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#265): Don’t put yourself down, Mr. Hibbleton. I’ve always misinterpreted your gibberish as humorous!

    // Keep up the good work!

  271. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:07 am [Reply]

  272. Poteet
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#269): *more applause*

  273. Poteet
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    4/24 A3G — Nina is so upset that in the first panel, her hair has lengthened itself again. Shame on you, Margo and Scott!

  274. commodorejohn
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#269): You used “bacchanalian” in a song. I officially love you.

  275. Poteet
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    4/24 MT — Given the way this scene is drawn, it looks as if in order to keep his boat out of sight, Mark will have to go a considerable distance down the river and will have a considerable hike to get back to the pot site. And of course he started out to find Tom after waiting a long time after 7 pm for Tom to show up for dinner, and then after eating dinner himself. For an ordinary mortal in an ordinary world, that would mean Mark would be dealing with, you know, sunset and nighttime, when light goes away and hiking through a forest is kinda tricky.

    But even the sun stands still when Mark raises his mighty fist, and no doubt he’ll manage to find his way to the perp camp with no trouble and no flashlight, and then he’ll start punching and everything will be fine. As they used to say in RED DWARF, what a guy. *emits soft female sigh of admiration*

  276. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#269): *More applause*

    Ah hell, including “floccinaucinihilipilification” in an already-brilliant parody of I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General deserves a standing ovation.

  277. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#274): Ya know, if I had a nickel… ; )

  278. Maggie the Cat
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    My head is spinning. I’ve never, ever seen a Mary Worth plot sink into the history books so fast!!! Wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am!

  279. Yr Obt Servt
    April 24th, 2012 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    I’m not going to read through a couple hundred posts to ensure I’m not repeating something …anyway, here goes:

    MW: Mary’s already got her skin tight shiny black leather pants on, all she needs is a t-shirt with something ironic on it, and watch out NYC.

    FW: if the attentions of those two (well, they’re like me in high school, so they’re dweebs) doesn’t cause Summer to turn gay, I shall be disappointed.

  280. Droopy Says
    April 24th, 2012 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    Spiderdouche: A fly on the wall? He looks more like a peephole in the lady’s restroom.

    For Better Or For Wankerbean: Wah-wah-wah . . . I hope that’s the guy who bullied him. And I hope, after Flunky Jr. suffers, he finds that they’re off to a meeting of the Gay & Lesbian Students Club.

    Pluggers: Why does Brookins never draw a Plugger pig? Too much self-recognition?

    Family Circus: And so begins the tedious deluge of 2012 Olympics cartoons, as Thel practices for the hammer throw.

    Mock Trail:Come my children and you shall hear
    a tedious tale once told by a deer
    as he stood by a river that looked like a lake.
    Hardly a man is still awake
    because the whole story drags on for a year.

    Jackelrod said “Now I have a plot
    that comes from the very depths of my heart.
    Something to show us the evil of pot
    and let me recycle my fav’rite clip-art.
    A ranger in danger from hideous men,
    while menaced by beaver, a squirrel and a wren
    all muddled together with my special Zen.
    And to the rescue will come our Mark Trail,
    and then all coherence will once again fail.

    “Fresh plants that look wilted! An axe in a log!
    A stork on legs stilted like my dialog!
    Let’s not forget action amid shouts and roars,
    and hope the confusion drowns out all the snores.
    Now here I am plottin–one if by land and two if by sea!
    But what shall I put in pa’nel number three?
    It must be horrific and make your hair curl,
    for Trail that’s specific: “My God it’s a girl!”

    “Now back to Lost Forest our hero will run,
    His mission forgotten just like a thug’s gun.
    He’ll see strange behavior and chattering flies,
    and ascotted mermen who shout out “Surprise!”
    And still close behind him, her hair in a bob,
    runs his worst nightmare, a girl with a job.
    She’ll chase him up mountains and down every glen,
    until at his cabin he feels safe again.

    “Now back at Lost Forest, safe from all things lusty
    he still can’t be bothered to go fishing with Rusty.
    But now he finds a used tube of K-Y Jelly
    and realizes that Rusty just laid Kellywelly.”

  281. tallyHO
    April 24th, 2012 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    @northernlurker (#257):
    “MT: I think Mark and his friend Ranger Tom Martin have wandered onto the set of Deliverance. Do I hear banjo music?”

    http://www.gocomics.com/nancy/2012/04/21

  282. Anonymous
    April 24th, 2012 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#141):

    Isn’t it kind of insulting to do a gay storyline with all-new characters who will almost certainly vanish afterwards? “Hey, look at me, I’m relevant and inclusive! Briefly!”

  283. Dr. Weird
    April 24th, 2012 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    Darn lack of cookies, 282 was me.

  284. tallyHO
    April 24th, 2012 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    Tuesday Trail: Oh deer.

    Spiderman: Unseen Panel Number Four:
    The Spider-tusi. Swing yer hips! Clinch yer thighs! Swing your partners, Do See Doh! Pull up your pants and swing ‘em again!

    Blondie: Even the dog can feign righteous indignation.

    Hi & Lois: A lot of economic strips lately. I hope the Walker/Browne Consortium is doing alright. What? Is that Dagwood’s dog Daisy gettin’ snooty in the unseen panel three? That rascally One Percenter!

    That Margo!: Whoa, Margo thinks Nina is “way out of line”. Translation, Nina must wait her turn and then settle for sloppy seconds?

    Mary (Hardly) Worth (It Anymore): The invitation was sent the Meddler by Gina.
    Humph. Gee-na. Missed it by >that< much! If there had been a crossover, it would have been EPIC, in a boring kind of way.

    Popeye: So, I just finished up a quick seance with the Late Slylock Fox (what? you didn’t know?) Anyway, his solution is for Wimpy to kiss the bombshell while Popeye kisses Wimpy and canoodles with Olive* and while the SeaHag brings up the caboose in one big Toonerville Trolly! woo! Woooooooo! (that Slylock, he’s a sly one, even from beyond the foxhole)

    Pluggers: Tennessee. In Tennessee, we are an open minded people. We like all sorts of colors! Just keep them separated, please. (sorry, Tennessee. that’s not an apology for your past)

    Slylock Fox (RIP): Today’s Slylock is making me cry. No. Wait. It is just the spilt milk that is causing my tears.

    Dennis the Menace and Family Circus: Boy, it was so different when I was a kid.
    Those two boys just don’t get it. Annnnd… I guess that is the joke.

    If either boy could read then they should read today’s Dick Tracy to see how it gets better (and no, I don’t mean they should aspire to a yellow hat bulletin board).

    *(Canoodles and Olives.)

  285. Comcis Fan
    April 24th, 2012 at 3:10 am [Reply]

  286. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 24th, 2012 at 3:35 am [Reply]

    9CL: So, what part of Edda’s explanation do you think led Amos to make that face of sheer horror? Her Schrödinger’s pregnancy? Her flying to Vienna without telling him? Recollections of the naughty naughty grandma sex she was forced to listen to?

  287. Droopy Says
    April 24th, 2012 at 6:38 am [Reply]

  288. Oregonian
    April 24th, 2012 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    MW: You gotta love the way Jeff installed his Captain Kirk chair on a lazy susan, so that one tap of his foot lets him pivot to face any direction. From looking at the computer to looking at the window, he changes his position in a heartbeat, always keeping a wary eye on Mary over his newspaper as she chicken dances around the room in a manic frenzy.

  289. Braniff
    April 24th, 2012 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    FC: Unpublished lyrics by Simon N. Garfunkel “And here’s to you Mrs. Thelma Keane/Daddy loves you more than you will know-NOT! NOT! NOT!./God bless you please, Mrs. Thelma Keane/Hell holds a place for those who play/Every day/In ev’ry way!”

  290. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 24th, 2012 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#281): You know that strip was a tribute to Earl Scruggs, right?

  291. Hibbleton
    April 24th, 2012 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    MT: Why is Mark bringing a holstein up river? and what happened to Andy?

    //NS bravo!

  292. CanuckDownSouth
    April 24th, 2012 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Wait! It’s not what you think! The passive-aggressive illustrator drew us in a torso-crushing lip-lock instead of the ‘peck on the cheek’ sympathy kiss of the script!”

  293. Callidus
    April 24th, 2012 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    A3G: Oh Margo, the things you will do to snatch a newborn for the blood sacrifice!

  294. anon
    April 24th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    9CL: …………oh-oh…………Amos isn’t overcome with JOY……..

  295. Mercedes
    April 24th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I never thought I’d see the day when Mary Worth would mime, “I am Cornholio! Are you threatening me?” If she demands TP for her bunghole, then I shall die and the Apocalypse shall surely commence.

  296. minus273 kelvin
    April 24th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Callidus #293- oh scott, the things you will do for snatch…

    Luann- either shannon is dirk & toni’s child and has been abducted, or she is hanging from the shower rod

    FC- INCEST ALERT

  297. crazy fungus
    April 24th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Nehemiah Scudder #269- dude! GLORIOUS. First place in the category of obfuscatory verse for callipygian readers by a Sudsy Nematode!

  298. Waz
    April 24th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth really shouldn’t go braless. She’s a bit lopsided.

  299. Edgy DC
    April 24th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Quick, all black people out of New York. Mary Worth is coming. You and she have existed in the same universe for 70 years and we wouldn’t want to risk things by crossing paths now.

  300. The Ridger
    April 24th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#252): And don’t quote Strunk & White at me, I’ve examples of E.B. White using the technique. One of the many reasons S&W sucks for anybody who can write even a little bit.

  301. Milagros Talmage
    April 25th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    “Mary Worth” was set in New York when I first read it, in the late 70s. I remember when she moved to Santa Royale. As you could imagine, it was a major, prolonged story. It might have taken years. I wonder if she’ll visit any of the supporting cast that were replaced by Toby & Ian, if anyone living still remembers who those people were.

  302. huxley
    April 25th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    I think Mary Worth is doing Tai-Chi move: “Exposition on High Horse”

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