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VOTE MARMADUKE IF YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE ONLY MODERATE AGONY AS YOUR SOUL IS CONSUMED

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/26/12

Poor Jughaid is grappling with the problem of living a righteous life in a world (and with a soul) indelibly marked with sin! “Parson sez my conscience keeps me from doin’ wrong, but it ain’t so” frankly sounds like it could have come straight out of a Flannery O’Connor story. However, Loweezy’s simple-minded guffawing indicates that this dilemma won’t end with a harrowing but ultimately enlightening revelation; Jughaid’s just going to grow up to be a chicken thief, like everyone else in his family.

Mark Trail, 4/26/12

“If I can just do this without making any noise! If only there were a way for me to clarify my thoughts without speaking them aloud! I’ll just have to shout them as quietly as I possibly can!”

Marmaduke, 4/26/12

In order to cement his rule as demon-king of Earth, Marmaduke has savagely devoured all human politicians, regardless of their ideology or partisan affiliation, and has collected their campaign signs as grisly trophies.

275 responses to “VOTE MARMADUKE IF YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE ONLY MODERATE AGONY AS YOUR SOUL IS CONSUMED”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    It’s only a matter of time before the “EMs” appear in a Mary Worth storyline: Emma, Femma, Gemma and Zemma. (Yes, those are actually girls’ names!)

  2. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Zits: I’ve actually watched the history of cement (developed by the Romans) on the History Channel.

  3. Hogenmogen
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Seriously, Jack Elrod follows this blog and he’s messing with our heads.

  4. Zemto
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    MT: How do I tell Tom that because of my condition I have no inner monologue? … I hope I didn’t say that out loud just now.

  5. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Mark’s “SHHH…” is a day late and a dollar short.

  6. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    MT: Maybe we can all chip in and buy Mark Trail a narration box for his next birthday.

    MT2: “Shhh . . . I’ll tell you later! Right now, though, we have to hurry; Cherry made dinner pancakes, and they’re getting cold!”

    FC: Dolly’s not impressed with her brother’s tears. “You think that’s bad? Wait until I tell you about how the man has to put his pee-this into the lady’s gavina.”

  7. KreatureFeatures
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail, I’m here to help you:
    How to back away slowly

  8. Hogenmogen
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    “Concerning politics, he plays no favorites.”
    Seems like they’re ALL his favorites. MMMmmm… tasty!

    And, add “Concerning politics, he plays no favorites” to the growing list of sentences spoken in the comics that no one has ever nor will ever voluntarily say out loud. And this is coming from a parent who recently had to reprimand his daughter “I don’t care if it smells like cheese; stop sniffing your sister’s butt!” Yeah, scratch that sentence from “Things That Will Never Be Said By Real People”.

  9. nescio
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    MT: I was thinking magenta is a poor color choice for sneaking up on someone in a forest, but Mark probably thinks he blends into the background of whatever the crazy potheads are hallucinating.

  10. Elmo
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    MT: Mark is probably talking to Andy but there’s a chance he has a Bluetooth headset in his left ear where we can’t see it.

  11. Liam
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    FC-I always thought Jeffy would be the bride.

    Gil Thorp-Isn’t Jaxon rather young to be dealing with his sexuality. I always figured it would be his mother that would be coming out. She is on a softball team and doesn’t like men.

    MT-I am going to have to talk in my lowest tone of voice.

    MW-Fly faster the big giant head is almost upon us.

    RMMD-This film you made in college. Is there lots of nudity, sexual situations, and you kissing another woman?

  12. Maddad McCoy
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Does that straw-hatted, bow-tied, cranked-up duck that shows up in Slylock Fox have a name? Is he an actual character, or does he only make background cameos? (Could he be Bob Weber Jr.’s authorial avatar, à la Alfred Hitchcock?)

    Whoever and whatever he is, every time I see him his popped-eyes and smiling toothsome bill haunt my dreams for weeks afterward.

  13. Hogenmogen
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Gina returns with a newly sprouted pony tail to star in Mary’s inflight movie: Ex-Waitress III: For Sheep Furry Lovers Only!

    This being the second day, I’ve arrived at the conclusion that floating, disembodied heads is one of the only things that could make Mary’s dull plots interesting.

  14. Chareth Cutestory
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Or, you could just unleash that monstrous dire wolf beast of a dog that you brought with you. With it’s snout nearly the size of your head, it should be able to easily dispatch of two men!

  15. Hogenmogen
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Great moments in parenting, Judge Parker edition:
    “If it’s what you want, it’s what I want. I really WANT you to ruin your life, run off, get hooked on drugs, pregnant and die in an airplane crash while choking on your own vomit! Because that’s what happens to musicians!!”

  16. Mibbitmaker
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids: Field Trip #4 is now up!

    Surrelia’s turn to be critiqued. She did Pudi good — uh, that is, pretty good — in the end there. Meanwhile, Nina does an immitation of one of Edda Burber’s better bits.

  17. Hogenmogen
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#14): I’m reading Game of Thrones, and I did notice that Andy’s head is roughly the size of a horse with macrocephaly. I didn’t put the two together, though. Nice, obscure reference for a grey morning.

  18. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Scary Gary

    He l@@ks more like a psychotic Japanese snow monkey with rabies:

    http://www.gocomics.com/scarygary/2012/04/26

  19. Mibbitmaker
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    A3G: “*CHOKE*… SOB… WHEEZE…. *GASP*… MOAN…. HONK…. AHOOOGAH!……..

    Curtis: Today’s strip is wagging its finger at YOU, kids!

    JP: As if the luck of privilege isn’t enough reason to hate those two….!

    MW: Again?!? Leave it to Mary Worth to have someone else’s head in the clouds!

    9CL: Couldn’t we have skipped Monday-Wednesday and gone from last Saturday to today’s strip (maybe with a more moderate look of concern from Amos in there somewhere)?
    Editing, McDramaqueen, editing!

  20. Nekrotzar
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    I’ve never actually wondered, ‘What if Spinoza had been an illiterate, provincial, dim-witted hick?’ but thanks to BGSS I’ll never have to.

  21. Droopy Says
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Mar’mah’duq: “Meddle not in the ways of Mar’mah’dug, for thou art crunchy and taste good with catsup.” Not quite the original quote, but whoever said it would forgive me if he saw the hell-hound.

    Crock: I needed a long moment to realize I was looking at Vermin P. Crock’s head and not a Rorschach test. The joke was equally baffling, as the punch line not only made no sense but ignored the fact that the sergeant was already wearing green. Well done, Squiggle Junior, you’ve copied First Squiggle’s style to a squiggling T.

  22. pugfuggly
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    BG&SS Loweezy used to have ethical dilemmas like that as well. Then she found out that nothing shuts up the little voice in your head like a little moonshine in your coffee. Now she’s enjoyin’ it all!

  23. Oregonian
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    VOTE FOR TWICE“???

    What kind of a dumbass yard sign is that? I’ll bet someone only scribbled in the “for” when they got cold feet about promoting voter fraud.

  24. Chyron HR
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    “What’s wrong, Jughaid?”

    “Jesus Christ, Aunt Loweezy, what ISN’T? We look like deformed Hobbits and talk like escaped mental patients!”

  25. Illustrator Steve
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    MT – “ARF! ARF-ARF! AF-ARF-ARF!!!”
    “Yes Andy, YOU are correct. It IS a good thing ranger Tom Martin is still wearing his official forestry service necktie. Otherwise we would not have been able to distinuish him apart from those two bad pot-growing UPS fellows and I would have to punch all three of them! Oh, and one more thing Andy, please try to be more like me and bark quieter when there are bad fellows near-by!”

  26. Mark B.
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: You can tell Iris is still hung over because all of the proportions and angles are just a bit off, including her nose and mouth.

  27. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Botticelli’s Madonna and Child… coming to a comics page near you:

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/ba/Botticelli_Madonna_and_Child.jpg

    (At least Whigham has the good sense to swipe borrow from the best!)

  28. Chareth Cutestory
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#17): I won’t deny that a little bit of pandering was in play there

  29. Squeak
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Mark is being as quiet as he can! Notice that there are no highlighted words!

  30. Marc
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    9CL- Well if Edda wasn’t pregnant before, she probably will be now. Nothing more artistic than fucking on top of a rock in full view of everyone. Right Brooke?

    Luann- What Brad? What were you going to say? You certainly weren’t about to have sex. And even if you were, which I reiterate that you weren’t, how ridiculously irresponsible would that be? More or less so than letting that kid you were supposed to be responsible for just wander away because you were engaging in some serious calf rubbing, which is as far as you’ve been able to get.

    Funky- I guess what I’m trying to say is that Ryan is going to “score” with Summer. He’s going to “round the bases” and “put it through her five hole”. Are you getting the picture yet Cody? Yes? Good. He’s also going to bang her on your desk.

    Mary Worth- That disembodied head belongs to the most horrible looking person on the planet. Christ, that is one fucked up face. She’d give Summer Moore a run for her money in the ugliest chick who is allegedly supposed to be attractive category.

    Mark Trail- If only Mark could have recruited that giant beaver from last week to cut the tree down simultaneously freeing Ranger Tom Martin and crushing those horrible, pot growing UPS men.

    A3G- Margo and Scott are already back to making out… errr pecking on the cheek.

    FC- This is just all kinds of creepy.

  31. pugfuggly
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    MT Like the noble plains indian and their sacred buffalo, these simple pot farmers use every part of the plant they cultivate. Rather than just take the valuable narcotic-containing female flower heads, the also harvest the stems to make hemp shirts, the roots to make a grainy flour for traditional pancakes, and the leaves, which they painstakingly press into large, green boats…

    A3G now is that ‘sob’ as in crying, or SOB, as in ‘that Son Of a Bitch!”? Nina sure has a thing for three-letter curse words…

    MW I really hope this is all a set-up for a plot involving a highjacker who’s addicted to the internet, or a suicidal pilot who’s estranged from his daughter, or even a violent stewardess who had her credit card stolen. Because if we have to watch Mary talking to herself over the entire 6 hour flight, we might not see a real plot until July…

  32. Illustrator Steve
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    MT – (panel #3)
    “Hi Mark! Did Cherry send you to let me know dinner is ready?”

    “Shhh”….I’ll tell you later, but we have to wisper. The dinner invitation was only for you, ranger Tom Martin! NOT for you to be bringing all your friends to dinner with you! WHAT makes you think Cherry would make enough pancakes to feed you AND your UPS friends?!”

  33. Droopy Says
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#23): Don’t overlook the sign that says “Vote For Prop 3 1/2.” I’m guessing that one has to do with reducing (in a non-algebraic sense) math classes.

  34. Little Blue Bicycle
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail today is even more fun today if you imagine him talking in a Stewie voice, and his dog responding as Brian.

  35. Hibbleton
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    MW: Smart of Gina to wear cloud-matching earrings in Mary’s hallucinations.

    JP: Sophie’s “Dad is such a dick” look is priceless.

  36. Illustrator Steve
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MT – Meanwhile, back at the Trail cabin Cherry is talking with Doc when Rusty barges in:

    “Doc, WHAT am I supposed to do with all these three-week-old pancakes since ranger Tom Martin stood us up for dinner and Mark abruptly took off again?”

    “Cherry, you are my daughter and I love you, so I REALLY don’t think you want to hear what I’m thinking you should do with your stinking pancakes!”

    “HEY Cherry! You got anything laying around the kitchen that me and Sassy can use for fishing line weights?”

  37. Chip Whittle
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Animal Crackers: Man, what does it say when you can’t draw a Frisbee well enough to have it be recognized without an editorial cartoon label? Oh, yeah, it means you’re a professional artist with a syndicated comic strip.

    Grin and Bear It really sticks it to those hippie-ish Beatniks and their reckless spending on tennis shoes! Way to be culturally relevant, gang!

    Spider-Man: “Almost felt like someone pushed me!” So Peter Parker’s next foe is going to be reckless horseplay? He better be careful. This could put someone’s eye out.

    Stopping someone from roughhousing is going to be tough becase Peter Parker can’t call on his Mom to tell the supervillains to knock it off.

    Zits: Now, me, I found “The History of Welding” to be riveting.

    Wait a second, if that’s really the History Channel wouldn’t it be “Occult Alien Asphalt of the Third Reich”?

  38. TheDiva
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Marm: Josh has given me a reason to like Marmaduke.

    MT: Dark Haired Pothead is sporting a lovely Carol Brady flip today.

    9CL: And the arc comes right back to where it started with hand porn.

    A3G: What are the odds the shock of seeing Scott’s infidelity induces labor and the post-partum rush of oxytocin makes Nina forgive him because Babies Make Everything Better?

    FW: That’s right, losers, Summer the Specialest Snowflake is too good for you to even masturbate over! How dare you presume to admire her unparalleled beauty?

    GT: I think they’re saying Jaxon[*} is either a debutante or gay. Also, trying to get a toddler to speak with proper grammer is the ultimate exercise in futility.

    Luann: No you weren’t, Brad. First, nobody in this strip ever gets past first base; it’s an established fact. Second, anybody who tries to have sex without assuring any small children in their care are a) fast asleep or b) off the premises is just asking for a small voice to ask “Whatcha doin’?” at the most inopportune time.

    MW: Unfortunately Gina has a large tumor growing next to her left eye, so her happiness will be short lived.

    Pluggers refuse to eat anything that doesn’t come with a free toy inside.

    SM: Okay folks, place your bets: how many weeks before they reveal it was the evil understudy? Vegas has the over/under at six. (Of course we could also be looking at a Phantom of the Opera-knockoff plot, but that was kind of covered fairly recently with the Mole Man arc and only an uncreative fool would go back to that well so…now that I think about it that’s also a likely possibility.)

  39. Señor Tortilla
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    BB: I refuse to believe that is a modern iPhone/iPhone knockoff.

    9CL: The rock is cracking right below Edda. See it? That’s a metaphor for something…

    GA: Seeing the cat continue to torment Slim brings great joy to me.

    MW: “I Dream of Gina”

    Pluggers: Slightly creepy.

  40. Señor Tortilla
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    FW: If Cody stood up, grabbed Owen by his shirt and said “How about no malapropisms, ever again?” then that would be something to cheer about. Bonus points if he mentions Crankshaft.

    @TheDiva (#38): “Fairly recently”? IIRC, the Mole Man storyline was about two years ago. But given that we’ve only had maybe 3-4 storylines since (vampires, Big Boss, Asgard), it can go either way.

  41. UncleJeff
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    “Luann” and “Love Is” are next to each other in the Comics.com queue.
    So what did we learn today?
    If you’re sexually repressed, really stupid and tied down with a nasty brat — stormy weather will suddenly emerge and threaten your lives.
    But if you’re free-thinking and not afraid of nudity, the sun will always shine on your little naked ass.

  42. Alex Blaze
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke’s town takes elections seriously! The next one is six months away and already the local monster-dog has stolen all their campaign signs.

  43. LP2004
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Demon Dawg: “Marmaduke has savagely devoured all human politicians, regardless of their ideology or partisan affiliation…”

    And I thought vultures had revolting dietary habits.

  44. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Honey Badger, Does not give a shit (#2): You must be mistaken. Are there Nazis? No. Is Nostradamus in it? No. Then that wasn’t the History Channel.

    // At least, not in the last several years.

  45. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Slylock – Instead of drawing from life, all those kids are just copying from that guy’s drawing. This must be the school that turns out guys who continue strips after the original artists go away. They would also learn the use of important art tools like flat files and scanners, and learn how to decide between using Photoshop or more traditional X-acto and rubber cement methods. When they graduate, they get Karen Moy’s email address.

    Brewster – Hm. That reminds me, we haven’t heard from Winky’s Spleen in dog’s years.

    Marmaduke – So he went out and got one and only one sign for each candidate? And one each for Generic YES and Generic NO? This behavior is not merely enigmatic, it’s threateningly so. In the light of this, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Marm is behind the Guy Fawkes mask in V for Vendetta.

  46. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    QC: “Beers” brand beer in the the handy “6 of ‘em” sixpack? Dark beer too. I’d give it a try.

    // Wonder if they make an IPA?

  47. Just Bob
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    “If I can just do this without making any noise! Dammit! Stepped on another bag of Cheetos! Stupid things are everywhere, what gives?!

  48. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Mary – I don’t want to cast a pall over anything, but isn’t manifesting as a floating, semi-transparent image of all or part of yourself generally an artistic convention that means you are dead? Darn that organized crime!

    Soup“…and to collect two of every species of animal…”
    It’s funny because the nun doesn’t know what it says in the Bible.

    Zits – Jeremy’s pretty damned tired if he nods off during The History of Asphalt. It combines all the chemical excitement of tar with the gritty relevance of macadam!

  49. Lenoxus
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    There’s a spot of hope to be had from this Marmaduke: Assuming the hellbeast collected all those signs recently, there must be an upcoming election in his town – which means we can narrow down where he lives and residents can evacuate before it’s too late. Citizens of Indiana, North Carolina, and West Virginia, consider yourselves warned.

  50. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#37): Drat you! Beat me to the Zits History Channel snark!

    // At least, I mentioned Nostradamus!

  51. Binder's Butter Beans
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    In order to cement his rule as demon-king of Earth, Marmaduke has savagely devoured all human politicians, regardless of their ideology or partisan affiliation

    Honestly, I can get behind that. All hail Marmaduke!

  52. Braniff
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    FC: What Jeffy really wanted to say was “I want to move to New York, Iowa or Washington DC-so I can kiss the groom.”

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#48): That’s easily the most impressive Bible research website I’ve seen. Thanks!

  54. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    on the webcomic front: mmmmmmmm, bubblewrap.

    PMP: O_O indeed!

    RwO: /facepalm

    6Cx: featuring bb,u realizing that she hasn’t OD’d on squee.

    9CL: offs. you are NOT Sistine Chapel material, you self-inflated egofapper.

    A&J: now THAT is how you do a “cat scan” gag. (check out the A&J blog for the “Janice gets short hair” series of strips. epic.)

    IP: and I was expecting a lutefisk joke.

    JS: lol @ Top Chef ref.

    NS: /facepalm

  55. Hibbleton
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Mary, on the train, on the plane, next to Jeff, who isn’t, sees the head, thinks the thought, dreams the dream, a wedding in June, a ponytail, senility rocks.

  56. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

  57. Just Call Me E
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

  58. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    MT – That Jaklerod ball is not big enough for Mark to hide behind!

  59. Mibbitmaker
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#38):

    or, off the premises is just asking for a small voice to ask “Whatcha doin’?” at the most inopportune time.

    Especially in a crossover with Phineas & Ferb.

  60. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#58):

    Er…..let’s try that any….

    MT – That Jakelrod ball is not big enough for Mark to hide behind!

  61. TheDiva
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#40): Damn, has it really been that long? The glacial progression of serial strips really messes with one’s perception of time. It seems like only yesterday Charley Smith was showing off his swimsuit porn to one of Mary Worth’s impossibly dim disciples…

  62. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#60):

    “Again”, not “any”

    I need more coffee.

  63. Chip Whittle
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Annie: Wait, the U.S. Navy is at the service of Tiny Archie Andrews Hitler? Is this a project to secretly get me into the Air Conditioning Repair school?

    Heavenly Nostrils: Yes, little girl, make a realistic wish from the magical unicorn!

    Little Dog Lost: You know who Little Dog should team up with? Wuffy from over in Mutts. Just saying.

    Moderately Confused: Wait to stick it to shallow, materialistic culture, Jeff Stahler, by showing how those gadgets don’t even take the family to a Disney World Vacation Package Experience!

  64. wossname
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    DT – While I’d sort of like to see longer, more coherent stories, I’m also really loving this stream-of-consciousness psychedelic nuttiness, accompanied by great drawing. And I really really want to see Li’l Attitude’s teeth, judging by the reactions.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#Y303): I’m fine with enacting the queek flask (preferably filled with top-notch bourbon) but does this mean I have to wear a red pencil-dress (or a red-pencil dress) IRL? Because, uh, um, I don’t have one.

  65. Slojo_Coma
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Damn, your Marmaduke comment really hit a nerve. Thanks, Josh!

  66. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

  67. Mibbitmaker
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    S-M: Peter (awkwardly): “Yeah……. right………. accident….” (winks at readers)

    Doonesbury: (hidden, just to be on the safe side) [*]

    (BG&)SS: Hey, for a Hootin’ Holler denizen, that’s a Huge Religious Epiphany!

  68. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    themed squee!

    ok, you know that recent “big-eyed and crying/cuteness overload” memeface? I just made it, at this bullpuppy pic for bb,u. (this will take you past oatmeal to brainmush.)

    tiny ikkle slothsquee!!! (there goes the brainmush face again. people are starting to look at me funny at the coffeeshop.)

    squee otter making the ‘cuteness overload’ face.

  69. Horace Broon
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    ASM: I suspect that this subtle foreshadowing will lead to the later revelation that someone did push him, but that’s only a guess.

    BG&SS: “Parson don’t believe in th’ doctrine o’ free will, an’ favours that there Calv’nist concept o’ predestin’d salvation! He reckons I’m one o’ the saved, but I know I ain’t! I’m a-gonna burn in hellfire!”

    Just kidding, we all know Parson Tucker has no grasp of theology whatsoever. (And yes, I know that’s not actually how Calvinist doctrine works.)

    MW: “Wait, when I imagined Gina’s face in the clouds I forgot that absurd hair-handle she has sprouting from the top of her head! Let’s try again!”

    JP: Sam Driver, world’s most supportive father.

    MT “If I can just do this without making any noise except for constantly vocalising all my actions in a loud, clear voice!”

    Pluggers: Hey, did you know Pluggers aren’t just old, they’re also cheap and/or poor?

  70. Holly Folly
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke knows the campaigns can be charged if they don’t remove the signs right? Right?

  71. Calico
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    So, after thirty-five years, I finally know who pushed Frank Ryan down the stairs-it was Marmaduke!

    Snuf – Jughaid strives to the next Misfit. Brrrr. No wonder Weezy’s tongue isn’t lollygagging for once.

  72. sldawgs
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Luann – This week’s strips are the first salvo of Ann Eiffel’s revenge on TJ. First is to kidnap the brat that bit her, kill her, chop her up and put her in the Weenie World weenies. Then plant incriminating evidence in TJ’s Locker, let TJ sell some cops a could of specials and wait for the fun to begin.

  73. Droopy Says
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#37): At least Peter Passive won’t be running with scissors . . . oh, damn, what if his remote dies and he needs to cut open a sealed packet of AAA batteries? It could be a high price to see him run.

  74. Mom Jeans
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#62):
    Also too, C in Jackelrod.

  75. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Zemto (#4):

    MT: How do I tell Tom that because of my condition I have no inner monologue? … I hope I didn’t say that out loud just now.

    Yeah, Baby!

    /Austin Powers

  76. Calico
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    YT #231 – Has Mary become the new Priceline negotiator?

  77. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Mom Jeans (#74):

    It would appear that my snark is as incompetent as Jackelrod’s plots!

    Regardless, that ball is too small for Mark to hide behind.

  78. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#63): re: Annie. Great Zeus! I like the cut of young Rover’s jib.

  79. Calico
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    MW – “Mary, I have an announcement to make – I’m getting a sex change! Bobby is very supportive of my decision.”

  80. Calico
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    FC – Not if you are gay, Jeffy-then you get to kiss the (other) groom! : )

  81. Austria
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#66): Scar’s kinda hot there, ngl.

    Arch: I laughed. Not bad, AJGLU.

    H&L: “Dot’s sitting over there, with a cello, making horrible noises as she scrapes the bow across the strings. But I don’t expect you to be able to infer things on your own, so I’m just going to tell you. Dot is learning to play the cello.”

    Luann: And Brad continues to live under the delusion that he’s ever going to get any.

    Zits: ALIENS.

  82. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @Austria (#81): true dat. also, Ursala is somewhat, err, different. (insert tentacles reference here, and not THERE!!!)

  83. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#78): Pustulated Poseidon! The lad’s name is Tom – Red Rover is the name of his zeppelin!

    // How mortifying!

  84. giraffe-o
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    I’ve already got a thousand “Don’t Blame Me, I Voted for Marmaduke” bumper stickers on order. Look for me on etsy soon.

  85. Ride Dem Haunches
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    BG&SS See? Hitchens was right. Religion poisons everything.

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    also, for the guys (and Dingoettes) here are two examples of sexified Disney princesses. (Comic-book level service, prolly not for work browsing.)

    (dat Tink!)

  87. Hairhead
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Luann – I’VE GOT IT, I’VE FINALLY GOT IT! Greg Evans has cleverly conflated sex (. . . we were just about to . . .) with child endangerment. As in: SEX IS DANGEROUS AND DOWNRIGHT EVIL, EVEN FOR FULLY MATURE, NOT-LIVING-WITH-PARENTS ADULTS!

    Jesus Christ, Evans, what is this, 1925??

  88. Hogenmogen
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to Gil Thorp for correcting bad grammar. Single-teen-mom Darby is twice the parent that undeserved 1%-er Sam Driver is.

  89. lynn
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Well, I hope no one else has said this, because I skipped all the way down here to give my new FW prediction: Ryan (was that his name?) is one of the gay prom couple. This will open the door for Cody.

  90. seismic-2
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Crank: Pam and Jeff consider it a good idea to restore any electronic equipment to its initial operating condition by turning it off, waiting a minute or two, and then turning it back on. I hope they apply this same procedure to Ed’s Pacemaker.

  91. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Marm: No, no, Josh, the goal is to… be eaten first!

    Here’s how to pray: “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Marmaduke Doghouse wgah’nagl fhtagn! Marmaduke fhtagn! Marmaduke fhtagn!

    http://rubbersuitstudios.com/ptcct.htm

  92. Islamorada Girl
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    3G: Margo wasn’t kissing Scott Gainesburger, as everyone assumed. Actually, she was preparing to sink her fangs deep into his neck.

  93. terrapin
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Hairhead (#87): If this were a slasher flick, those two would have been hacked to pieces by now. God, I wish this were a slasher flick!

  94. Irrischano
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Is this a segment from the new Mark Trail videogame? Level 3 Objective: Rescue Tom. Status: Complete. Level 4 Objective: Rough up hooligans without letting shirt get untucked.

  95. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    SSmith: Jughaid’s conscience makes him miserable in his sin, but deep compulsions continue to make him sin anyway. What’s a mother to do but laugh?

    A3G: Why is Nina using her Sith choking powers on herself?

    S4th: Ted, Ted, Ted. Down boy!

    DT: Lizz needs to stay away from the gambling tables, unless her poker face is a lot better than her “Good God! What a hideous baby!” face.

    GA: While you’re up there, maybe you can think long and hard about the wisdom of putting the lift button at a height where a kitten can reach it.

    FW: I’m actually with Cody here. Talking about bats and balls won’t do anybody any good.

    BB: “Sarge’s messages are too violent! Too urgent! The desire expressed therein too intense!”

    S-M: An angry ghost attacking actors? I’m dying to see the ways in which Spidey avoids dealing with it.

    RMMD: Rex Morgan: The filmmaker’s Grand Inquisitor.

    Crock: How apt that Crock and Poulet make a “green” joke while Rechin is phoning it in on his way to the golf course.

    DtM: Boy can still pull quite a menacing on his father on some days.

    FC: Oh Jeffy, don’t fret about that. I don’t expect you’ll ever meet a woman who needs a green card that bad.

  96. Liam
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Tomorrow Nola is going to slap Margo. In the first panel Nola and Margo will be facing each other with the word ‘slap’ overhead. In the second panel the narration box will tell us what just happened.

    Spiderman-Oh please that sounds like the excuse an abused wife would give for her injuries.

  97. Liam
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    FC-But I thought I was going to be the bride.

  98. Ouish
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    MG&G: I refuse to believe that Ralph wants to chase a stick. He really, really wants to have sex with that guy (or the stick — this must be what he looked like when he first saw the log).

  99. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean — As soon as Owen spoke, I knew it was game, set and match for these two lightweights.

  100. NotThatGuy
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    BGSS: Oh, dat wasckally conscience!

  101. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#92): Correction: Scott® Towels Gaines-Burgers’ last name is always hyphenated!

  102. Calico
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#88):
    Yeah, Sam is acting like quite the ass today, eh? Way to go, wanker.
    She has money (that doesn’t belong to you, BTW), let her take a shot at it. Or at least make a YT video.

  103. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#92): Heh. Gaines Burger!
    [makes triangle with thumbs and forefingers] I reach.

  104. Baka Gaijin
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#19) on Apartment 3-G: AHOOOGAH! COTW ALERT! AHOOOGAH!

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#27): Where’s the pointy cone bra?

    @Chip Whittle (#37): Thank goodness. I thought The History Channel had changed from the All Hitler (except for a few woo-woo alien shows) Channel since I left the country.

    @TheDiva (#38): Pluggers are the reason Kinder Eggs are illegal to bring into the US. A 400 pound Plugger gagging on a tiny plastic Papa Smurf is not something medical professionals want to handle. A question for the ages: How many med techs would it take to Heimlich a Plugger?

  105. NotThatGuy
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#31) wrote:
    “MT Like the noble plains indian and their sacred buffalo, these simple pot farmers use every part of the plant they cultivate. Rather than just take the valuable narcotic-containing female flower heads, the also harvest the stems to make hemp shirts, the roots to make a grainy flour for traditional pancakes, and the leaves, which they painstakingly press into large, green boats…”

    ‘Zactly! I saw that sweet simple vignette and immediately starting to sing:
    “We plow the fields and scatter
    The good seed on the land
    But it is fed and watered
    By God’s almight hand!
    All good gifts around us
    Are sent from Heaven above…”

  106. Baka Gaijin
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#86): Anticlownmedia? I can endorse that.

  107. Will
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    MT: Well, in Mark’s defense, he isn’t bellowing in BOLDCAPS the way he usually does. That’s practically sotto voce by his standards.

  108. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Harvesting” is the word. “Cutting their plants” makes it seem as if they are simply wantonly torturing the things.

  109. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#101): At least we now know the source of Scott’s fabulous wealth. Heir to both the Scott towel and Gaines burger fortunes, he must be rich beyond the dreams of avarice.

  110. A Woman of a Certain Age
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Pickles: So I’ve been using the wrong approach all these years. Off to get some M&Ms.

    Blondie: J.C. Dithers Co. gets vendos!

    Candorville: Good one, TJ.

  111. Doctor Handsome
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Jesus, Mark’s dog is like nine feet tall. I also imagine that the spots on his face are constantly shifting, like Rorschach from Watchmen.

  112. MySpoonIsTooBig
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    It’s possible Jeremy’s dad is watching Modern Marvels: Asphalt. Modern Marvels is pretty much the only history based program on that channel now.

  113. Señor Tortilla
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#61): Yeah, did some checking. October 2010 was when Mole Man’s story kicked off (not quite summer, but somewhere in that area). The “Welcome to the Charleydome” post was in July 2009. July 2009! That was just months before the university’s student center closed for an extensive three year remodel, and practically gutted the building (and its a HUGE BUILDING, too). It just recently reopened.

  114. Mooncattie
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    MW – “JFK Control, this is 232 out of Santa Royale, reporting a gigantic pony-tailed head floating in the clouds off to port. As a regular reader of the Mary Worth comic strip, I can confirm floating head as a character that appeared in a storyline six months to a year ago, over. Control? Yes, Santa Royale, that’s right. Uh, it’s on the west coast. Yes, California, it’s home to the popular Bum Boat restaurant and Local University. Say again, Control? Advise that I hand over controls to Co-Pilot and lock myself in the lavatory until the FBI board, copy that, over.”

  115. Phred22
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#15): April: “Watch out, Sam. If we discourage Sophie from being a singer, she might try to be a poet or a chess champion. Then she’ll never make any money.”

  116. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#111):

    I also imagine that the spots on his face are constantly shifting, like Rorschach from Watchmen.

    Forest stank of pot. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to piddle own design on this morally blank world.

    Was Andy.

  117. Liam
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith-My conscience keeps me from enjoying torturing and killing people from the city that get lost up here.

  118. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#117): Does that mean Barney Google’s not coming back this time?

  119. Zerowolf
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @MySpoonIsTooBig (#112): Last time I turned on the History Channel there was some program about Cajon rednecks alligator hunting (complete with subtitles). I rooted for the alligators.

  120. mumbles
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    GT: I wonder if any other sports team has the baby of a teen mom as a mascot. Does Reno have a minor league baseball team?

    MW: I was hoping that Mary’s trip to NY would inspire a “Mary tries MDMA” storyline but from the hallucinations, it looks like Dr Jeff may have slipped her some beforehand.

  121. Zerowolf
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#118): Only when Jughaid burps.

  122. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    MW Mary’s seatmate leans across her and looks out the window.
    Then he speaks to her in a low voice and says, “Whew! That is some big head out there. I’ve never seen such a big head. But, me, I really prefer a smaller head. Whaddya say, Doll, how about a little head?”

    FW Aww! I was hoping the conversation would turn to “switch-hitters,” “catchers” and “pitchers.”
    Not really. That is the last thing I’d want to hear these two discuss.

    CS Is “UCW” supposed to stand for something, other than Jeff’s lame joke? I googled it thinking it was a term like UPS and I got a site with really disturbing videos. I hope Pam did, too.

  123. Zerowolf
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    MW: What airline is handing out LSD? These days you’re lucky if you can get a pretzel and thimble of soda.

  124. commodorejohn
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#86): That Tinkerbell one hardly had to be tweaked at all, ‘specially if you’ve seen the original motion-capture footage they used…

    BS – Some day Ballard Street will be championed as the moment that outsider art broke through into the popular consciousness.

    Crankshaft – Oh, the wimmins, they cannot fathom the magic rituals of Kohm-Pyu-Tarr! Unlike Tom Batiuk, whose technological savvy extends so far that he can invent entirely new kinds of text messages!

    FC – As related to Jeffy’s therapist thirty years later.

    GT – “Oh, well, we’ll just put him up at bat, then.”

    JP – Oh sure, get all petty and bitter just because you didn’t have the balls to stand up to your parents and follow your own music career! Dick.

    Luann – No you weren’t. Don’t kid yourself.

    Mandrake – YES, WE GET IT ALREADY.

    MW – Has, uh, has anyone checked Joe Giella’s house for gas leaks lately?

    OBH – Avis makes me want to shower in boiling bleach.

    PBS – CYNDAQUIL!!!

    Popeye – …Freud would have a field day.

    RMMD – “Debbie Does Dallas…how it’s haunted me…”

  125. Zerowolf
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    FW: Too bad, his next question was “Do you want to pitch or catch?”

  126. Shrug
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#15):

    Death doesn’t happen to all comics musicians. Jimmy Thudpucker just got old and fat and sold out. Schroeder is doing just fine, aside from being hassled by Lucy and (sometimes) by Snoopy. I’m still hoping all that death stuff happens to Luann and Quill, though.

  127. Shrug
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#15):

    Also, I’m pretty sure Schroeder is not going to get pregnant.

  128. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#37):

    “Animal Crackers: Man, what does it say when you can’t draw a Frisbee well enough “
    Aw, let’s cut him some slack. After all he drew a three-legged doghorseyak.
    Oh wait, it has four legs.

    Huh.
    Somehow it took him three panels to decide to pay attention to detail.

    I guess with age comes WTF?

  129. Zerowolf
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    FC: For daring to ask if he had to marry a woman, Jeffy is packed off to a special camp for therapy….

  130. K^2
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pluggers have no idea when they are, let alone how old they are, due to the onset of dementia. Age-appropriate meals mean nothing to them.

  131. UncleJeff
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @MySpoonIsTooBig (#112): It’s gotten like A&E.
    Their most popular show is about a pawn shop.
    Or the art of screwing over people while making an entertainment about their desperate need for quick cash.

  132. Zerowolf
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#15): Unless you are Keith Richards, then you outlive everyone.

  133. Chip Whittle
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#128):

    Aw, let’s cut him some slack. After all he drew a three-legged doghorseyak.
    Oh wait, it has four legs.

    Huh.
    Somehow it took him three panels to decide to pay attention to detail.

    I guess with age comes WTF?

    Nah, that one is the fault of the colorizers, who decided the right front leg didn’t need to be colored in since they can’t be bothered to actually look at the strips they’re doing. Fred Wagner’s innocent of the three-legged thing at least on this count.

  134. Shrug
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#39):

    “9CL: The rock is cracking right below Edda. See it? That’s a metaphor for something…”

    High in the top of the comics page in a lane called Chickweed there is a mountain.
    It is a hundred miles long and a hundred miles high and once every thousand years a little bird comes to this mountain to sharpen its beak. When the mountain has thus been worn away a single day of eternity will have passed. But Edda will still not have gotten around to taking a pregnancy test.

  135. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    April 26th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#116): I literally LOL’d. COTW nom.

  136. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

  137. Calico
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#91):
    Thank you for the belly laugh! Much needed.
    I never could have imagined Chick and Cthulhu together. Mad genius.

  138. Victory Garden
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

  139. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#127): What ever happened to Schroeder’s cat? I heard he wasn’t feeling well.

  140. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

  141. Calico
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#15):
    Don’t forget the bathtub in the airplane where she chokes on her own vomit before the thing crashes into Brian Jones’ swimming pool and everyone dies of cancer.

  142. kkarenb
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#104): No, the Plugger wouldn’t choke on the Kinder Egg. He would swallow it whole. Pluggers do not actually chew – and taste – what they are wolfing down.

    @UncleJeff (#131): Have you seen the Disney Channel lately? I haven’t watched it for years, and on St. Patrick’s Day I checked the listings to see if maybe they were running “Darby O’Gill and the Little People.” Silly me.

    Gil Thorp – Apparently she is in Les Moore’s English class.

    Mark Trail – Could this possibly get any more stupid?

  143. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#63): How long has this “Heavenly Nostrils” been going on? The title probably doesn’t do it any favors, but it’s got good-looking art.

  144. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#140): Thank yuh, thank yuh very much. [/Elvis]

  145. flatsixes
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    MT: I’m really glad that Jack Elrod slowed the action down a little bit to let me catch up, but I’m still confused. In today’s installment, is it still the same day as the one in which Ranger Tom was supposed to have dinner with Mark and Cherry? If so, then should it be, like, nighttime by now? Or does Mark’s shirt just give off a glow as bright as day? And if that’s the case, how come the Bad Guys haven’t noticed? And if Mark doesn’t want the Bad Guys to notice him, then how come he’s waving to them in panel 1? And if Ranger Tom doesn’t “believe this,” then is all this just Mark’s dream?

    I hope I can understand tomorrow’s strip. Otherwise, it’ll just get worse.

  146. Chip Whittle
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#143):

    How long has this “Heavenly Nostrils” been going on? The title probably doesn’t do it any favors, but it’s got good-looking art.

    It just started on Sunday. Heavenly Nostrils is the comic strip that Dana Simpson’s contest-winning Girl mutated into during the development process.

    It’s named for the unicorn. Also the title puts it between Heathcliff and Herb and Jamaal on the alphabetical list of Gocomics strips, which surely means something.

  147. TheDiva
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#113): October 2010, huh? And you’re right; I can’t think of any other plot arcs in the interim other than the ones you mentioned. Four storylines in eighteen months. I suppose that’s inevitable when your protagonist has no initiative whatsoever.

    @kkarenb (#142): Of course Mark Trail can–nay, must–get stupider. It’s right up there with death and taxes on the certainty scale.

  148. pugfuggly
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @NotThatGuy (#105):

    Well, it would be quite a plot twist to discover that our weed-growing villains are also strict presbyterians.

    @UncleJeff (#131):

    …the art of screwing over people while making an entertainment about their desperate need for quick cash.

    Hmmm….so maybe that ‘Pawn Stars’ pun is more apt then I thought…

  149. Oregonian
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    I’m a few days late in posting this, but it still bugs me: Can someone explain the domestic situation in Mary Worth? Do Mary and Dr Jeff cohabitate? If not, it’s hard to see how she can come waltzing into his living room while he’s sitting there reading the paper. On the other hand, if they do live together, then what the hell does he hope to gain by marrying her? What other benefits could marriage possibly offer? Is he looking for legitimacy for their children???

  150. seismic-2
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#142): Mark Trail – Could this possibly get any more stupid?

    Oh yes indeed. Mark Trail is the Hilbert Hotel of stupidity. Even though it’s infinitely stupid, it can always get infinitely stupider. I suspect its capacity for stupidity is not only infinite, it’s uncountable. Soon the stupidity level will be up to aleph-four, at least.

  151. Calico
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#149):
    He has what appears to be a split-level house, she a condo at Charterhell. Otherwise I have no idea what their setup is when she’s not off meddling somebody or something.

  152. Baka Gaijin
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#142): Ah, yes, you’re right. Still, the question remains, how many med techs would it take to Heimlich a Plugger? [*]

  153. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#71):
    <i."Snuf – Jughaid strives to the next Misfit. Brrrr. No wonder Weezy’s tongue isn’t lollygagging for once.”

    I think the lollygagging tongue is present. She’s just a’ hidin’ it behind her mug o’ mud!

    I am surprised Jughaid is holding back the lollygagging reflex though.

  154. commodorejohn
    April 26th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#148): I thought it was Anglican…

  155. A Smirch Unheeded
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#152):…how many med techs would it take to Heimlich a Plugger.

    Can we regard this a subspecies of the “change a lightbulb” joke?

    How many surrealists does it take to Heimlich a Plugger?
    - To get to the other side.

    How many procrastinators does it take to Heimlich a Plugger?
    - I’ll get back to you on that. (No, wait, that’s reference librarian.)

    How many Boy Scouts does it take Heimlich a Plugger?
    - The whole troop. And they all get merit badges!

  156. This Guy
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#146): I’d long wondered what ever happened to Girl, which seemed like a charming strip. Good to see that the artist (who I didn’t know was a webcomic artist before) eventually got a feature going.

  157. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#155): A Plugger walks into a bar, and the bartender says:

    a) “What is this, some kind of joke?”
    b) “So. It has come to this.”
    c) “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”. “You have a drink named Earl?”
    4) “The Aristocrat!”

  158. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#109): At least we now know the source of Scott’s fabulous wealth. Heir to both the Scott towel and Gaines burger fortunes, he must be rich beyond the dreams of avarice.

    His older half-sister — Kotex® Cottonelle® Kimberly-Clark® — is worth even more than Scott… at least on paper.

  159. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

  160. Little Guy
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

  161. Liam
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke-Conservative. Liberal. Republican. Democrat. Red state. Blue state. All taste equally in Marmaduke’s mouth.

  162. Ride Dem Haunches
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#158): I’ve heard that for a rich girl, she’s very Charmin, got diamonds on the soles of her shoes.

  163. Sans Sense
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    A3G:

    Cut to Margo: “Scottie, chop chop! Another bottle of that Margaux isn’t going to waltz up here by itself!”

  164. pugfuggly
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#154):

    Quite possibly. Google told me that it’s a traditional english harvestime hymn and gave me a link to a presbyterian hymnbook. That, and ‘presbyterian’ sounds funnier that ‘anglican’.

  165. Baka Gaijin
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#146): Just checked out the Nostrils. It has lots of promise. And a unicorn!

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#155): How many chickens would it take to Heimlich a Plugger?
    - None, they all crossed the road to get to the other side.

  166. pugfuggly
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#161):

    If Marmaduke had a voice, I’m sure it would sound like Morbo’s

  167. Zerowolf
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#149): Is he looking for legitimacy for their children??? Mary and Dr. Jeff procreating, hmm? Major disturbance in the force, now that is. Hmmmmmm.

  168. Calico
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Aaaaaahhhh our Tortie cat is outdoors murdering a mole under the patio/porch do not want to watch or hear at all

  169. Sans Sense
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    JP: Quite right Sam! Musicians, actors and others who work for a living are beneath contempt! Way to lead her on and nip that little spirit in the bud!

  170. Sequitur
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#165): proclaims…

    Just checked out the Nostrils. It has lots of promise. And a unicorn!

    I don’t see why you’re so up for Heavenly Nostrils. They mention a McNugget which connects it to McDonalds which means CLOWNS!

  171. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#168): You are not having a good week. Purchase (a) large bottle of slivovitz, and (2) collection of Mr. Bean videos. Drink (a), watch (2).

    // Trust me. I’m an ordained minister. I have the pdf I printed from the internet to prove it.

  172. Sans Sense
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Momma: Tres bourgeoise? Maman est très effrayant et plus d’un Œdipe peu. Nous allons tout jeter dans nos bouches aujourd’hui.

  173. mvg
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Way to look after the baby’s interests, Tommie. If Nina (*choke – sob*) thinks YOU are all she has left in her life, she’ll be rolling down those stairs faster than the old lady in the wheelchair after Richard Widmark gave her the big push in “Kiss of Death.”

  174. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#172): Aimez-vous les oeufs verts et jambon?

  175. BERTMARCH
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    JP: Ha ha, I’m just kidding you, honey. But your idea is stupid and worthless.

  176. Jasper
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#69):
    Given that rope untying is such a loud activity.

  177. Sans Sense
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Borborygmy (#174): I always wondered did Seuss mean for the ham to be green too or just the colorist?

  178. ByJove
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#125):

    “I’ll catch. I squat down, extend two finders between my legs and you come in with the high hard one.”

  179. Jasper
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#96):
    In the third panel they will start making out. In tomorrow’s strip, Scott will join in. Meanwhile over at RMMD, when Rex leaves for the office the robes will drop to the floor.

  180. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Apt 3G: in the land below the bottom line: Scott and Margo roll around on the floor as Tommie escorts Nina down the stairs (which she didn’t lurch down yesterday).

    @Chip Whittle (#133):

    Well, these things happen. I do agree with you about “Frisbee.” Though, I am surprised it got past the editors…unless….the editor decided to add it because it didn’t make enough sense. Frisbee is one of those ™ words that Whammo (r) or whatever ™ protects with Marmaduke-like vigor.

  181. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#177): An interesting question. On the one hand, I’m pretty sure the Doctor was his own colorist. On the other, from a culinary standpoint, dyeing ham green is easy; eggs, not so much. Unless you serve the eggs scrambled, but they appear to be sunny side up, in the book.

    So I think the answer is: oui.

  182. commodorejohn
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#179): I think you mean “Rex leaves for the office when robes drop to the floor.”

  183. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#177): If it helps, he undoubtedly was given color proofs to approve.

    I remember being at Kelly Freas’s house, and seeing how closely he scrutinized a proof he’d been given. He made corrections down to the level of circling little specks on the page (and rightly so, I quickly realized).

  184. Peanut Gallery
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#37):

    I found “The History of Welding” to be riveting.

    @Honey Badger, Does not give a shit (#2):

    I’ve actually watched the history of cement…

    I’ll bet your eyes were glued to the screen.

    The History of Glass was crystal-clear. The History of Shingles was painful. The History of Screws had a lot of twists to it, but The History of Nails got right to the point. The History of Bricks was heavy, man. The History of Lumber just kind of plodded along. The History of Insulation gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling.

    (Frank & Ernest has been neglecting the puns lately, so I’m trying to make up for it.)

  185. Ride Dem Haunches
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#184): The Histoire d’O was well-rounded.

  186. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#89):
    This will open the door for Cody.

    So he can walk out of the closet? Dressed as PsuedoSummer? Or, as Donna Summer?

    MaryWorth
    If the guy in the seat next to Mary is Jeff perhaps he’s daydreaming about he and Mare dressing up as Pluggers and getting meddly. Then complaining, in a folksy kind of way, about how difficult and different cosplay cavorting is for people their age.

    Have we explored whether or not that is a giant helium balloon following Mary?
    In a gratuitous literary reference, maybe there’s a race going on about which Mary is unaware. The pilot of that Giant Gina balloon is Phineous Phogghat, who is going to make a side trip to Lost Forest to pick up the goods.

    This is gonna be the best Mark Trail ever!

    Meanwhile, back in Lost Forest….
    With strains of “Slow Ride” mixing with the eerie green fog, Mark decides to not let RangerTomMartin in on his secret (much to my chagrin). Instead of shushing RangerTomMartin, he could have admitted a giant beaver told him. Using morse code. Executed with the gentle flap, flap, flapping of his giant tail.

    (cue the kettle drums and the All Man Choir:)
    Laaaand Aaaaaquaa Maaaan!

  187. Sans Sense
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Borborygmy (#181): @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#183): That dang Rachael Ray took the coward’s way out and just mixed them with frozen spinach… and it’s not even Grin-itch Spinach…

  188. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#186): Ah, The Door Into Summer! Cue the cowbells! Cue the pennywhistle band.

  189. Sequitur
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#188): Were you, by chance, thinking of this?

  190. sporknpork
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    So I guess Marmaduke is running on the Nazi Party ticket?

  191. lynn
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    I guess we’ll find out who’s going to the prom before anyone gets very far into Summer (because the prom is in the spring….why, what were YOU thinking?)

  192. Liam
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-Pluggers will get the kids meal so people won’t know how old they really are.

  193. Snuggs
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    I’m almost positive the last Mark Trail strip (published around 2178, probably) will give us a St. Elsewhere-style ending where it pans out to show the stories have all been the product of a traumatized child playing with his somewhat-melted action figures and the local, relatively massive fauna. No other ending would adequately explain, well, every single aspect of this strip, really.

  194. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#189): Or was it this? Is that laughter I hear?

  195. Sequitur
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#194): NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

    Heh, heh, heh.

  196. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#194): I’d pay 35 cents for that.

  197. bats Colon Left-Bracket
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#180):
    It’s Mattel! It’s swell!
    It’s Hasbro! It’s fun!
    It’s Whammo! It’s more dangerous than shit!

  198. This Guy
    April 26th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#184): The History of Paint was pretty dry (but tacky in places.) Most of the claims made in The History of Boats were all wet. The History of Shirts was a bit too button-down. The History of Ballooning was full of hot air.

  199. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#198): The History of Gambling was dicey. The History of War was bloody good. But anybody who missed the History of History is doomed to repeat it.

  200. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 26th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    GT: She should determine what the kid means before correcting his grammar. If, for example, he means, “Is mommy pitching [modifier]?” then “pitching” is a verb, and the adverb “well” is appropriate. On the other hand, if he means, “Is mommy’s pitching [modifier]?” then “pitching” is a gerund, and the adjective “good” should be chosen.

    Listen, I’m sick. Grammar snark is all I’ve got.

    Pibgorn: So basically, he makes up names pretty much like everybody else. What genius. And how come Drusilla is now a charred corpse when a few days ago she was a crumbling skeleton?

    Okay, so I’ve also got room for a bit of McEldowney snark.

    Now I’m going back to bed. Whatever this is I’ve got, don’t get it. It might even be a good idea to use a sani-wipe on the screen after reading this.

  201. Shrug
    April 26th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#184):

    “The History of Screws had a lot of twists to it”

    The History of Pulleys was uplifting.
    The History of Levers moved me effortlessly.
    I opened up a space on my schedule to watch The History of Wedges.
    The History of the Wheel and Axle displayed some interesting plot turns.
    I wasn’t much Inclined toward The History of the Plane, but I decided to roll with it.

  202. Ashley
    April 26th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    The History of Laundry was a wash.

  203. wossname
    April 26th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#172): Si on n’a pas lu Momma (et ne lis jamais Momma) on n’a pas besoin de jeter dans sa bouche.

  204. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @mumbles (#120):

    “GT: I wonder if any other sports team has the baby of a teen mom as a mascot. Does Reno have a minor league baseball team?”

    They used to. But the Bastards split town in the middle of the night and relocated to Baltimore.

  205. This Guy
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    The History of Rappelling ended on a cliffhanger. The History of Mountaineering peaked early. The History of Sewers was full of shit. The History of Paper fell flat. The History of Gasoline could’ve used more refining. The History of Entomology bugged the hell out of me. The History of Blueprints was pretty sketchy.

    As my German teacher used to say, “Ich habe Millionen!”

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#200): It might even be a good idea to use a sani-wipe on the screen after reading this.
    After reading Bigporn, you mean?

  206. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t see it but I heard The History of Drilling was boring.

  207. Braniff
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#198): The history of alpine skiing has gone downhill. The history of cross-country skiing has been grueling.

  208. Braniff
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    The history of the Rocky Mountains has been at its peak.

  209. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#204):
    There’s a rumor that Baltimore Bastards are going to merge with the Chattanooga Country Cousins and then will move to Boston to become the In-Bred Stox.

    But, it is just a rumor. (sorry, Tennessee.)

  210. Baka Gaijin
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#170): While that may be true, enough McNuggets and the clown’ll be dead of clogged-up plumbing. They’re on the 158th Ronald, you know.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#194): Oooh, classic space boooooobs!

  211. Sequitur
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    The History of Puns was frank… and e(a)rnest.

  212. Finger Quoting Marko
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Andy: “Let’s back away slowly and try to untie Tom? ‘Let’s’ as in ‘let us’“? Maybe you haven’t noticed, Mark, but I’m a dog. I don’t have opposable thumbs so I can’t untie anything, dumbass! Ya know, for a guy who’s supposed to be a wildlife expert, you know shit-all about animals.”

  213. commodorejohn
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

  214. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#206): The Making of the Fifth Element was boron.

  215. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#211) said: “The History of Puns was frank… and e(a)rnest.”

    When I first watched The History of Puns, I hated it. Since then it’s groan on me.

  216. seismic-2
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    The History of Sentence Diagrams was too indirect in getting to the object, and the History of Collectible Slide Rules went off on a tangent.

  217. Sans Sense
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#203): I am afraid that if I stop reading Momma I won’t qualify to inherit Mell’s piano. http://www.tomrichmond.com/blog/2009/05/22/mells-piano/

  218. Mark B.
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    The history of expandable fasteners was riveting.

  219. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    I am stoked about an upcoming biographical special on the fictional character Tarzan.

    It is supposedly documenting the conversion that caused him to choose mating with one woman over his lifestyle as a swinger.

    It is called “The Vine Intervention of Tarzan”.

    (I know. It is reaching for it….but I had to try.)

  220. ArchieNemesis
    April 26th, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Wow, thanks everybody, for another day of 200+ hilarious comments. I would have stopped reading the stupid legacy comics years ago, if I couldn’t come here afterwards and blow off some steam.

  221. Alison
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    “Mark Trail”: As somewhat of a Batman fan I am thinking here about how Bob Kane/Bill Finger/Jerry Robinson came up with the idea of giving Batman a sidekick. Apparently it was decided he needed one because in order for the story to make sense, Batman needed to explain to the reader what the criminals were doing and how he was going to get out of their latest traps, but he looked very stupid standing around explaining these things to himself. This is true; if you see any of the pre-Robin stories he is always randomly explaining complicated things to nobody and it does indeed look stupid.

    What I am saying here is, Jack Elrod needs to take a page from Kane and Finger’s book, because Mark’s random “HERE ARE THE DETAILS THE LATEST PLOT! I WILL STAND HERE AND YELL THESE THINGS OUT TO NOBODY IN PARTICULAR!” speech bubbles are hella dumb. Either give the guy somebody to talk to, or at least put the explanations in a thought bubble.

    “Luann”: Maybe Shannon went looking for Luann? Perhaps Shannon is concerned because, other than a throwaway Sunday strip, Luann has not appeared in her own strip for about three months now.

  222. This Guy
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Of course, The History of Zippers lacked teeth. The History of Belts started as kind of a stretch, but later it went up a notch. The History of Assembly Language was okay, but it was awfully low-level.

  223. commodorejohn
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#221): You realize that you’re essentially suggesting that Rusty accompany Mark on all his trips?

  224. Sans Sense
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#221): If LuAnn’s gone missing I’d say Elrod is a person of extreme interest.

  225. Écureuil Écumant
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#8): “I don’t care if it smells like cheese; stop sniffing your sister’s butt!” Yeah, scratch that sentence from “Things That Will Never Be Said By Real People”.

    It’s risky to underestimate what real people may say about such things.

  226. seismic-2
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#221): Hence the addition to the strip of Rusty, Boy Blunder.

  227. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#226):
    He would need a more sidekicky name, like, The Critter Kid.

  228. MapDark
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    9cl : STOP DESECRATING CENTRAL PARK’S RAT ROCK!! Get a room , at some shabby hotel or something!

    MW : The Ponytail is back , and damn , I wanna know what Mary took.

    A3G : See Nina, that might be why your husband is kissing random people, in general that’s what happens when you’re being a bitch to everybody.

  229. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#227): Or you could just rely on what people say when they see him: “It is Rusty!” Followed by “GAH.”

    (And as someone who talks to her dog all the time, I’m not sure Mark needs a human—or “human”—sidekick anyway; dogs got ears.)

  230. Écureuil Écumant
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#38): “Pluggers refuse to eat anything that doesn’t come with a free toy inside.”

    Interesting, I never figured them as connoisseurs of balut.

  231. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#230): Ew, balut: speaking of “GAH.”

  232. Peanut Gallery
    April 26th, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to everyone for joining in on the “History” puns! The groaning, the groaning, it’s like music to my ears… Heh, heh!

  233. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#229):

    I’d vote for Andy over RustyGAH, whom I presume is from Klingon parentage. And, I would definitely vote for Andy over Marmaduke.

    Given the option to make a nomination, I’d go a different route; I’d take a different Marked Trail, if I may.

    Don’t forget the ever lovin’, ever-present constant that is Jackelrod Ball. It must have something like ears because it is surely omniscient.

    True, it seems to serve no purpose whatsoever and comes across as nothing better than a flying, shape-shifting toilet bowl (uh…just ask Talking Bear where he shits in the woods*). But, if the purpose of a sidekick is to provide exposition, the versatility of the Jackelrod Ball is so much more than a Plotz de Vice.

    *”Only the best place in Lost Forest outside of breaking inside the human’s cozy vehicles. Four Stars!” –Talking Bear, Sheman Shamen’s partner in marginally mystical sidekickery.

  234. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    I thought the “History of Cheese” kinda stunk at first, but after a couple three glasses of wine…

  235. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#229):
    Still, it would be sad if The Critter Kid still has to go fishing alone.

  236. Alison
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#223): @seismic-2 (#226):
    I thought of Rusty too, but then I realized I don’t remember seeing him in months, or possibly years. Of course, I haven’t been paying much attention to MT.

    If you ask me, Rusty’s character is totally worth it, just for the arc where he gets trapped under a car and he’s going to squashed (I think) and Mark gets arrested while going for help. Mark behind bars, yelling “A BOY’S LIFE IS AT STAKE!” in his stilted way at the sherif, made me laugh then, and still makes me laugh now.

  237. seismic-2
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    I will think the History of Time Travel is too familiar.

  238. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#164): I was intrigued, and my research reveals it was written in 1782 by Matthias Claudius, the son of a Lutheran pastor, who heard some farmers singing it. Translated to English by Jane Montgomery Campbell, the daughter of an Anglican priest. We Anglicans can’t resist a good Lutheran hymn.

  239. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    The History of Steatopygia is absolutely fundamental.

    // You can bet your ass!

  240. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#238):
    Until I followed the reply links and found the origin of this song you write of, I thought you were discussing another song:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8F-G9k8uus

    I was like, Eighteen Seventy-Two! Yeah, right!

    But, I sit, corrected.

  241. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    I have no energy to comment on 9CL today, so I’ll comment on RMMD instead.

    I’m puzzled by the logic of writing a narrative as a screenplay because the intended audience is a screenwriter. If she was a producer or a director, sure; they could do something with it other than just read it. But writing it in one format simply because that’s the format she writes in is weird. It’d be like writing it as a poem if she were a poet, or a song if she were a singer-songwriter, or bad fan-fic if she were prone to writing bad Mary Sue stories. It’s bizarre.

  242. Borborygmy
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @Borborygmy (#239):And the History of Callipyge has a beautiful ending.

  243. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#240): That’s great! I’d forgotten that one!

  244. seismic-2
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    The History of Recursion draws too much material from the History of Recursion, which draws too much material from the History of Recursion, which draws too much material from the History of Recursion, which draws too much material from….

  245. commodorejohn
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    The History of Cattle is a load of bull.

  246. seismic-2
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    The History of Prematurely Cancelled TV Shows will not be aired.

  247. Anonymous
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#194):

    Now THAT’S my kind of Sci Fi!

  248. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#244): The History of Recursion draws too much material from the History of Recursion…

    Wasn’t that made by the producers of the earlier documentary, The Story of the History of Redundancy Story?

  249. Mr. O'Malley
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#238): If he heard some farmers singing it, he didn’t exactly write it then?

  250. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    I hope they make a documentary of The History of Insults. I could not put that book down.

  251. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#247):

    247 was me.

    Damned cookies!

  252. This Guy
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    I must say, though, that the worst history documentary I ever saw was probably The History of Idiots Making Love. It was just fucking stupid.

  253. Heimlich von Plugger
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#152): Heimlich A. Plugger would be a pretty good ‘nym.

  254. Baka Gaijin
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#252): How could they have made that video? Brad and Toni haven’t done it yet.

  255. Heimlich von Plugger
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#252): I must say, though, that the worst history documentary I ever saw was probably The History of Idiots Making Love. It was just fucking stupid.

    Now hold on a minute! I saw that and it was pretty good. Based on one of those “for dummies” books, you know.

  256. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    This snark’s dedicated to my pal CRAZY FUNHOUSE:

    Todd the Dinosaur — Sumone shood tak ay remediall speleng clase.

  257. Tunasammich
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail is obviously voicing his plans for the dog’s benefit, he can’t leave the dog in the dark :(

  258. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @Tunasammich (#257): Mark is the one who’s in the dark — he’s desperately hoping Andy can save his ass (again).

  259. mommy needs a nap
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    The History of Mining was pretty deep

  260. tallyHO
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    “The History of Brooms” cleaned up in the ratings during Sweeps Month.

  261. Poteet
    April 26th, 2012 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

  262. Poteet
    April 27th, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#134): Well, that takes care of what I was going to snarl, er, say.

  263. Poteet
    April 27th, 2012 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    MW — Gaaaah, the hideous horse-hank has returned! As if flying weren’t enough of an ordeal already.

  264. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 27th, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    Testing 1 2 3…

  265. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 27th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    I’m lovin’ the “The History of…” punfest. It’s like the CC community has created its own version of “Love Is…”, except that it’s funny. Well done, Punographers!

    All of this reminds me of the time I wanted to buy a video of The History of Trigonometry. It was very expensive, so I had to have a friend cosine.

  266. bats Colon Left-Bracket
    April 27th, 2012 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#263): oh, yeah…like other alternatives would be better!

  267. Poteet
    April 27th, 2012 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    4/27 A3G — Talk about fulltime full-spectrum concern. I’ve got a whole new view of midwives now. Do you have to have a baby in order to get one?

  268. Poteet
    April 27th, 2012 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    @bats Colon Left-Bracket (#266): From now on, I’m taking the train.

  269. Droopy Says
    April 27th, 2012 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    The History of Printing was one for the books, but The History of History kept repeating itself.

  270. Droopy Says
    April 27th, 2012 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Laurel Hardy, supervillain or henchman? The only certainty is he won’t be the comic relief.

    Mock Trail: Speaking or relief, Rangertommartin hasn’t been there long enough to die from thirst (alas!) but he would have other water problems by now . . . if such things happened in this strip.

    Family Circus: Speaking of excretory functions, please, nobody explain to the melonheads how strawberry seeds are spread in nature. Otherwise the strip will turn into Multiple Marvins.

    For Better Or For Wankerbeat: Speaking of children who should have been drowned at birth, with Flunky fall for it again? Or will Wedgeman catch him on the rebound?

    Pluggers: Speaking of glum, humorless slobs, since when do Plugger men get close enough to cooking utensils to break one?

    Hagar the Horrible: Speaking of food-obsessed idiots, why is this strip still there? Other than to serve as the first chapter of The History of Morbid Obesity, which will trace Sergeant Snorkle’s family tree back to the fjords?

  271. J.D.
    April 27th, 2012 at 5:10 am [Reply]

    “Marmaduke has savagely devoured all human politicians, regardless of their ideology or partisan affiliation…”

    Wouldn’t that be awesome? It would probably give him really bad gas though.

  272. gleeb
    April 27th, 2012 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    Sally: This is good. Sally is smarter ad more mature than Ted, but he does have the experience of losing a job, and can understand how that can change relationships.

    Baldo: In which Miss Santos is flatulent.

    ‘bean: The plot could be lurching forward, in the spasmodic and unnatural way that Batiuk has, but I leave myself open to the possibility that it’s just that Owen is such an idiot that he forgot that he texted Cody.

    Spidey: Hardy Laurel, because it’ll be good to see Spider-Man beaten by a guy who sounds like a tree.

  273. KreatureFeatures
    April 27th, 2012 at 7:12 am [Reply]

  274. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 27th, 2012 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    @J.D. (#271): Marm probably has to buy Beano® by the crate.

  275. Braniff
    April 27th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#252): Was that intended For Dummies(R)?

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