PAGE SIX: LUKE MIXED UP IN CANADIAN MURDER SCANDAL?
Crock, 12/12/07
Today’s Crock has plenty of little run-of-the-mill terrible touches — like, for instance, the word balloon in panel two, clearly drawn for three lines of text, but with only two lines of text actually floating in it. But I’m sort of intrigued by the random pink squiggles in the background of the first panel. I’d like to believe that they’re blood streaks on the wall from the last perky thin saleslady who tried to talk smack about Grossie, but it’s more likely that someone was trying to draw some clothing racks in the background to add a little detail to the scene and then suddenly realized that no, wait, this is Crock, what am I doing.
Luann, 12/12/07
I thought that for sheer irritation, nothing could beat the “Dirk and Brad compete for Toni’s affection via the Christmas food drive” storyline from a couple of years back, but now I can see that the “Brad and Toni sublimate their incomprehensible attraction via the Christmas food drive” is going to come close. Brad’s Neanderthal suggestion that a meeting isn’t a date unless he’s paying will presumably blow up in his face when he cruises to food-gathering victory (thanks to TJ coming through with a bunch of cans of Dinty Moore stew that “fell off the back of a truck”), leaving him to enjoy a meal of lobster (which he will adamantly insist is NOT A DATE) and loneliness.
Mark Trail, 12/12/07
Luke Wilson spotted canoodling with mystery woman!
Luke Wilson, star of such Hollywood pictures as The Royal Tenenbaums and Old School, has been seen around town with a mysterious dark-haired and arch-eyebrowed beauty. The picture below was snapped as they left the Ivy last month:
Now reports are coming in that this lady is married — or was, until her husband’s murder last month. Hollywood is abuzz with the notion that Luke, long known as the “not crazy Wilson brother”, might have something to do with the dastardly deed. Though a mustachioed French-Canadian hillbilly has been jailed for the crime, NOAA weather spokesman Mark Trail insists that the Quebecker is innocent. “You exploited a friend of mine’s fiery temper!” Trail was heard to shout at Wilson at a party at Chateau Marmont.
Family Circus, 12/12/07
I’m not sure what exactly those papers are that Big Daddy Keane is holding in his lap, but they look official, what with the seal on top and everything. Let’s hope they’re the forms for committing Jeffy to that special school far away so that nobody has to listen to his idiotic questions anymore.
Uncle Lumpy
December 12th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Ah, Brad and Toni — it’s like Tracy/Hepburn for imbeciles.
gump worsley
December 12th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Now reports are coming in that this lady is married — or was, until his unexpected murder last month.
Missing word? Syntax problem?
Hysterical Woman
December 12th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
He’s looking at the paternity test results for PJ.
loudfan
December 12th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
The only satisfying ending to the current Luann plotline: Dirk is back. And he’s armed.
ScienceGiant
December 12th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Seriously, I don’t know which is worse: that Keane wrote that caption, or that he imagines the conversation that culminates in Jeffy asking that kind of a question?
Kaitlyn
December 12th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Mark Trail messed with my head today, and I’m not talking about Luke’s role in the murder.
The word balloons in the second panel – were they playing Jeopardy?
gh
December 12th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
BWAHAHA! Josh, that MT send-up was perfect. I’m wiping away the tears!
Nathan
December 12th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
If I were Toni and I lost, I’d buy Brad a gift card and let him go alone.
Sans Sense
December 12th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Mrs. Bull is a Barbara Stanwyck knockoff… SWEET!
John Hewitt
December 12th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
No Toni, it’s not a date. In the Luann universe, unrequited love is the ONLY love allowed. The two of you have been flirting since 2002. Nothing has come of it. Nothing ever will come of it. You are trapped in a world without sex or even public affection, where the mere thought of a relationship gets you shipped off to Hawaii or Iraq. Keep your mouth shut or you’ll be the next to go!
Sans Sense
December 12th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
It’s not a date unless I pay!
God forbid you be seen on an actual date with a stone cold hottie like Toni. Better you stay home with your live-in “friend” TJ.
Alt Dilog
December 12th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Judge Parker (JP)
Today’s evidence in Judge Parker is pointing more towards hash as the brownie’s secret ingredient. Just notice how Elvira seems to be levitating in panel one; Biff is suffering from attacks of paranoia in panel two, and Elvira has a dopey grin on her face in panel three. This would further explain why Biff was doing acrobat maneuvers over Abbey’s farm. He wasn’t just joy riding, he was practicing how to evade DEA interceptors when he makes his deliveries.
Sadly, this will put our other theories to rest: the knock-out drugs, the menstrual management drugs, and, worst of all, the alien replication virus.
Once Abbey figures out what’s going on, she’ll probably try to slip some brownies to Sam with the expectation that it will arouse his libido. Unfortunately, it will probably only make his case of the munchies even worse.
Smokey Stover
December 12th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
So, in Mark Trail, not only did CSI: Sgt. York eject a vital piece of evidence (the shell casing) onto the ground at the crime scene, he also failed to get the names of the witnesses to Johnny Malotte’s threat to Bull Malone and did not know that one of them was friendly with Bull’s wife.
Rhekarid
December 12th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Wait, Grossie wears dresses? I always thought she was just some mono-colored blob monster that wore some poor woman’s severed face to try and fool the surrounding humans.
Sans Sense
December 12th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Kinda funny they let Johnny keep his suspenders but they took Mark’s belt so he has to hold up his own pants.
Lake Eerie
December 12th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
1 Uncle Lumpy:
Bar is set a bit hight there – I would indicate they are the Ross and Rachel for even bigger imbeciles
Gabe
December 12th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
ATTENTION STEVE CANYON FANS
I just found out my friend Abby is presently in charge of going through Caniff’s personal correspondense for I think a website.
I think its kinda cool.
Josh
December 12th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
#2 gump — er, fixed. I also got rid of “unexpected murder” for what I hope are obvious reasons.
Josh
Steve™
December 12th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Let’s not all pounce on Luke Wilson just yet… does the MT version even have any suspicious facial hair?
gh™®© [Code name: Spartacus]
December 12th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
We’re closing up shop at work for the holidays, so I’ll be off-thread for the next 18 days. Eighteen. Days. I may survive.
Play nice, everyone!
And #7 was me.
AhClem
December 12th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Josh: “Brand and Toni”? Maybe Brand is short for Brandi, and she is secretly a male impersonator, in which case this strip could get much more interesting.
But, no, it’s Luann, after all. What was I thinking?
Benicillin
December 12th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
You know, I used to ask my dad that same question when he was on the toilet. How the hell did he know it was going to be a turd every time? The way he sweated, grunted, and grimaced each time he made his little brown gifts, I swore it was going to be a baby brother or sister. Then again, I was only 33 years old at the time, naive and wide-eyed to the cruel ways of the world. “Papa make Benjie a brother” I would lament as he pushed and breathed like a Lamaze-class veteran of a thousand bad births. The disappointment on his face only rivaled by the time I took one of my little brown brothers to show-and-tell and the local community college.
Mooncattie
December 12th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
MT – Luke Wilson is an anagram for kill sue now which I think makes as much sense as anything in this story arc. I thought it was going to be all about Johnny Mallotte, but it appears instead to be all Bull.
Lord-z
December 12th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
“If mommy didn’t see PJ before he was born, how did she know it was him?”??? What the hell does that mean. I makes no sense. It makes negative sense. FC owes us sense, and a lot of it, too.
For gods sake, Jeff. I understand making your siblings look like idiots, but their names are not on the byline.
What the hell is wrong with Geekyguy in Luann? Dammit, Geekyguy, if you make such a bet with what I presume is supposed to be a hot chick, you do not quarrel and act like a dick. You loose the bet on purpose, so you get a date. Ofcourse, can you bring women to your home, when your roommate is a Luke Perry Wanna-be?
Little A.
December 12th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
MT: Never mind Mark having to hold his pants up. Look at the size of that dog. He’s larger than the defendent! He’s almost as large as Marmaduke! Jack Elrod must be taking his perspective lessons from Gil Thorpe.
And of course in every jail in the land they let giant dogs into the cells, to smell for clues — in this case, there may be a clue in Malotte’s crotch.
Sans Sense
December 12th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
The only thing going on with Malotte’s crotch resulted in Mark having to pull up his pants. Prison life can be so brutal.
His Bartenderness, Jamus
December 12th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
Luann: Trust me on this, Brad. Whether you win or lose the food drive, if Toni’s involved, you’re gonna pay. Believe me, you’ll pay. One way or the other.
MW: Wonderful. Mary’s got an instruction manual. She’ll be thumbing through that as Chester shits on the floor, “Your dog is making doody on the floor. What do you do? Take him out.” Oh, for heaven’s sake, of course…
Right now, I wish I had a rolled up newspaper and could smack Mary with it, saying, “No ! NO!!”
DT: You know, it might be that the Department of Highway Construction just might have more juice than the police department here. God knows they have a lot of pull in Wisconsin.
Highway Dept: Okay, Tracy, we’re taking over here.
Tracy: But i’m in charge of this operation, goddammit !!
Highway Dept: Not any more you’re not.
Another anonymous lurker
December 12th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Not that it really matters (though I’m a bit OC about such things) but the previous Luann story line involving Brad and Dirk competing for Toni’s affection was a Christmas toy drive, not a food drive. Totally different! :)
Sili
December 12th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
If I don’t get to see some Brad/TJ action before Christmas, I’m gonna be very very upset.
Let’s hope that this is the final job for Toni: act as the catalyst to bring those two boys together.
Sans Sense
December 12th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
“TJ, I am so glad you could share this lobster meal with me…”
Lord-z
December 12th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
#27
Yeah, Tracy has reach a whole new, hereto unexplored, level of ridicoulesness.
“We have a hostage situation in there. The Governor might be killed! The Mayor was nearly hung, and Tracy is in danger!”
“Alright, we will give you ten minutes, but if you have not cleared out by then, we are just going to mow over you, and into the house, capice?”.
Trotzenbonnie
December 12th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
And just why the hell DIDN”T Thel see PJ before he was born? What the effity hay did she think that peep hole was for anyway?
And Benicillin, @ #22, just so you know, I believe you.
AND, if right now you aren’t watching an audience filled with women shrieking and crying and shouting because Oprah just gave them a bunch of crap, well, I feel really sorry for you (and I already feel really really sorry for myself because my main man, gh just signed off for awhile. Wah!)
.
Yeah. I’m watching Oprah. What of it?
Mooncattie
December 12th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Luann’s Toni/Dirk/Brad Christmas charity drive thing was TWO years ago?? I thought it was only last year, and now I realize how the time has flown by while enjoying the comic hijinks of these folks. I’ll take a wild guess that the next week or so will see TJ pushing in with a Can’t Miss scheme to win the food drive competition which will involve a huge financial outlay on Brad’s part, followed by absolute failure and a consolation peck on the cheek (not necessarily from Toni).
Sans Sense
December 12th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
#30. I guess I have post-itis. It was supposed to be…
Brad: “TJ, I am so glad you could share this lobster meal with me, now THIS is a date!”
Lake Eerie
December 12th, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think last year’s Luann Christmas story featured Puddles the dog hitching rides to the North Pole, to meet Santa, a cute girl dog and learn the true meaning of Christmas via the kindness of strangers.
Somehow I think we’d all rather see that re-hashed than another Brad/Toni story …
His Bartenderness, Jamus
December 12th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
35. You are correct Eerie. The story we all wanna see is Gunther dealing with one of Tiffany’s torn costumes for this Christmas Pageant they’ve been working on. And a grateful Tiffany “showing her appreciation” if you know what I mean.
gnome de blog
December 12th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
The widder Malone looks a lot like former MT arch-villainess Frida Kahlo with a butch haircut.
OdeToLA
December 12th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
I hate to admit this, because it’s almost certainly a sign of my own mental faculties beginning to fail me at a strikingly early age, but I actually kind of liked today’s Family Circus. Jeffy’s question isn’t just stupid, it’s absurd, reflecting not so much the thought process of a small child as that of a sheltered college freshman trying psychedellic drugs for the first time.
Moss_Moses
December 12th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
23. Mooncattie, “all about Bull”. The word Bull is reiterated four times in today’s strip and it IS a colorful nickname. Now if only he could pull a Skyrmir and reanimate.
scruffylove
December 12th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Wow. I never thought the stupid celebrity gossip sites I go to would end up merging with this site. I’m in heaven. I’m trying to imagine new celebrity/comics crossbreeds. I’ll never have to go to dlisted again. Woo Hoo.
Laura c
December 12th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Every time I see Mrs. Malone I hear castenets. Let’s hope this story line ends with her doing a slinky fandango around the Trail cabin while the family eats.
Snopester in Exile
December 12th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Does anyone read Arabic? ‘Cause that’s what the squiggles look like to me.
Uncle Lumpy
December 12th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Snopester in Exile –
Snopes threw you out? What, too real for them?
Krazy Kat
December 12th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
FC-Those are obviously PJs adoption papers coming through at last.
Shermy, the forgotten Peanuts character
December 12th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
MW: Even with the exclamation point, that is the most uninspired, straightforward “WOOF” I have ever seen come out of a cartoon dog’s mouth.
FC: The answer to the question: “The enormous melon head, twice the size of her entire body, made it pretty obvious.”
Nate
December 12th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
Daddy Keane is clearly viewing a piece of paper with today’s Family Circus on it, as you can tell from its signature circular format. Keane receives these cartoons every day in the mail, before the events depicted therein actually occur. At first, he was delighted by this power of effective prophecy, but now he regards each day’s wait for the foretold treacle with unconcealable terror.
Today his heart skipped a beat when he tore open the letter and found himself, in his chair, reading the cartoon in the cartoon itself. He slowly looked up, violins sawing away in the background, and saw Jeffy.
Dan
December 12th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Judge Parker: In the real world, Abbey would eventually make it home, giggle a lot, and watch Cartoon Network for several hours.
This is the moral Comic Strip world, though, so Abbey is going to speed home where she will re-cripple Sophie, kill one of her horses with her bare hands, and then kill herself by trying to ‘fly’ off the roof of the house.
Sans Sense
December 12th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
FC:
I’ve found a way to make reading this comic enjoyable. First, I start with the premise that Bil had Jeff as illustrator forced down his throat by King Features and the family trust once his own hands got too shaky. Insanely peeved, cunning Bil submits decoy captions to Jeff, who then draws the comic. Bil then changes the caption to make Jeff look as idiotic as possible. The caption Jeff thought he was drawing for was, “What if we offered our sub-prime lender PJ here?”
OdeToLA
December 12th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Okay, on further reflection (I need better things on which to reflect), I think my finding today’s FC funny was based on my misinterpreting the meaning a little.
What I think was actually meant: “How did Mommy know that the baby with which she was presented after giving birth was the same one which she’d been lugging around in her womb for roughly the prior twenty fortnights?”
What I initially thought was meant: “During those nine lunar cycles, how did Mommy know that the baby growing inside her was PJ?”
LMS
December 12th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Crock: The ladies at the Burqas ‘R’ Us wear little black cocktail dresses? Sounds like a cultural incident waiting to happen.
Mooncattie
December 12th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
#35 Ah yes, Puddles the dog! That’s right! I remember it as being a rather sweet little story. I agree that the Gunther-Tiff Very Special Christmas would be a nice holiday offering.
ralph
December 12th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Hi, just running in so please, please forgive me if this already has been pointed out, but the family members of Mr. Scaduto have posted some touching tidings on the Scaduto multi-yesterdays thread, about his funeral. In the coming days, when the CCers’ TIDIETS are celebrated here, I am going to treasure them.
BigTed
December 12th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
In “Crock,” the two whorishly painted salesladies are standing behind a counter with no cash register.
In “Luann,” Toni is carrying a sign-holder with no sign.
In “Mark Trail,” what looks like a beaver is holding a branch in its nonexistent mouth.
In “Family Circus,” Daddy Keane is apparently paying bills with no desk, checks or pen.
When they say comics make you use your imagination, they aren’t kidding.
Luprand
December 12th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
I think we all know what’s really going on in that conversation in Family Circus.
Wili
December 12th, 2007 at 7:11 pm
The face of utter despair in daddy Keane’s face clearly indicates that those papers are of the paternal tests he does every month. Today’s papers, as every time, indicate that Jeffy is indeed his son.
Joel
December 12th, 2007 at 7:20 pm
H&J 12/12
Wow. Is there any better evidence of the crushing toll exacted by the expectation that comics will produce a new joke every day? After years of illustrating the countours of a “close” friendship between best friends, the need to come up with one more hackneyed “joke” has compelled whoever writes this strip to envision a scenario where Herb expresses complete indifference to his friend’s life-threatening attack of diahrrea.
Sans Sense
December 12th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
#56. Joel -
If that’s the case, my life is threatened nearly every day.
Steve
December 12th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Luke Wilson can’t be the guilty party. He hasn’t had facial hair since Royal Tenenbaums.
Snopester in Exile
December 12th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
@ Uncle Lumpy
Yes, snopes threw me out. He’s kind of a fascist about the forum rules. I was “punished” for not keeping my profile to to date… by having it locked (which makes zero sense) and then eventually banned for still never updating it (while it was locked, of course).
gnome de blog
December 12th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
It just hit me like a bolt of bricks.
Cassandra Cat did it.
It wasn’t more than a couple of months ago that she was seen leading Bull around by the ring in his nose. Running off with that floozie from the North Woods was his last mistake.
Uncle Lumpy
December 12th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
#59 Snopester –
Oh my God you bastard!
Anyway, welcome! Just – y’know – keep your profile up to date, m’kay? Just sayin’.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Important stuff first
GH
We graduated from same HS.I was Will Parker in Oklahoma in Spring of ‘72.
I know lots of Madeiran (Madeirites?). Many from Penny’s.
I am IHHS Grad, ‘72
Initials NS
Sal Paradise
December 12th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
A3G : Check it out guys, it’s Porter Hall from “Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls” buying some artwork.
Margo : “This is my happening and it’s freaking me out!”
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Josh
Do you realise that Crock is the only comic strip, much less comic, which takes on contemporary Islam? Those comic strips, comics, performers who are ‘cutting edge’ taking on Judaism and/or Christianity (Think Kayne West for example)
are doing the safe thing. Not Crock. Not long before Crock gets a fatwa!
FC reminds me of one of Charlie Manson’s lawyers, the one who ended up murdered before trial ended who insisted his client could not honestly say his name was “Charles Manson” because his mother might have lied to him.
Red Greenback
December 12th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Carnsarnit Josh, just after you put put up the masturbating coach panel, you went and upped the ante with your Mark Trail comments. I’ll see your Mark and raise you five…ah, crap, I got nothing.
Luann: opt for the pan-fried squid.
Raij
December 12th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Luann:
“Let’s make it a sex bet! If I win, you have to sleep with me.”
“Uh huh. And what if I win?”
“…I have to sleep with you!“
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
What is that Thing in the second panel of Mark Trail? I am not talking about the bird shaped thing, I talking about the burlap covered, slightly primate (or even humanoid) thing. Has the lost forest turned into the Dark Forest?
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
22
Benicillin
You don’t know shit!
Hubris
December 12th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
I don’t mean to unduly cast suspicion, but the razor-sharp beak of a great blue heron, driven to a murderous sympathetic rage by unfair field-guiding practices, would leave entry and exit wounds remarkably similar to those of a high-caliber rifle slug.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
53
Big Ted
In my Best Joe E Brown voice:
“Nobody’s perfect”
Avocado Avenger
My understanding is that Joe E. Brown was considered a worse thief than even Milton Burle. I have a funny Joe E, Brown story, too long to tell here now.Project Runway starts in 20 minutes.
59
Snopester
I thought that was just an urban myth. Like that one about Nicole Kidman’s new BF…..
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
69
Hubris
And many a time I have been tempted to use that recourse when someone plays the earworm “At the Copa” within my ‘heron’*
*This is an example of a pun which should be heard and not read. Although some may argue it should not available in any medium.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Can someone tell me if http://www.superdickery ever ends?
Or will I be compelled to read it forever?
Hubris
December 12th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
ltrftp,
It might be the heron talking [pulls latex tubing tight with teeth], but that made perfect sense to me.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
73
Hubris
You wouldn’t horse around with me?
fahrenheit451
December 12th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
I’ve lost track-how long has Chester been in Mary’s Charterstone Lair?
Hubris
December 12th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
ltrftp,
Trout’s honor.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 8:56 pm
75
fahrenheit451
How long has Chester been in Mary’s Lair you ask? In dog years, 15 days. In Apt 3G years, half a day. In FW days, it depends upon how fast cancer in a dog metastasizes.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
Hubris
Like any self respecting meth addict, I’ll have to mullet over.
Sulphur Steve
December 12th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Mr. Keane, staring blankly, only hears bits of Jeffey’s question as the first jolts of a panic attack squeeze his cardiac muscles into arrhythmia.
It’s Mr. Paulson at the United Kingdom Lottery Fiduciary again. Only $15,000 more…
Buck Ripsnort
December 12th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Daddy Keane sits grieving, thumbing through hospital records, paternity tests–anything to tell him these damned melon-heads aren’t his.
Spunky N. Tadpole
December 12th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Being in jail must really be hard on Johnny Malotte: he seems to have shrunk quite a bit compared to Mark (or else Mark is standing on a box for some reason) – however Andy looks to have absorbed the size differential: any bigger and Mark will be able to harness him to a cart!
Allie Cat
December 12th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
ltrftp – from yesterthread – we have the Homicide book – my husband finished it and handed it off, but I can’t seem to find five minutes to get started on it. I can’t imagine it’s good bedtime reading, but I’ll give it a shot.
But I read a lot of Anne Tyler over the summer, and now we’d both like to take a trip to Baltimore.
First though, we have to hit Kansas City (my sister) and Anchorage (his cousin).
We’re smack in the middle of season six of the DVDs, and my husband has been doling out the episodes sloooowly so that they last. We started at season one last October – and there were nights I would beg for just one more episode. Still do, actually.
Did you find the Holly Hobby gear?
We bought a really violent video game the other day and my husband told the cashier it was for our 3 year old (God of War, was the title). She was horrified, until I told her we don’t have kids!
Allie Cat
December 12th, 2007 at 9:27 pm
82 – ltrftp – also – you watch RUNWAY? You grow more and more awesome by the minute. In fact, I’m walking out the door to watch at my friends’ house!
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
82
Did not get near Target.
Spent time at Dollar Store. Unlike Motel 6, the Dollar Store is pretty accurate name.
Target tomorrow.
Project runway, now.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
Allie
Any awesomeness is accrued from my wife.
Thanks tho.
Champ
December 12th, 2007 at 9:38 pm
After looking at another badly-drawn Gil Thorp today, I think it’s time they either kill the strip or get a new artist. I’ve been reading comics faithfully for 40 years, and I always loved Gil Thorpe, not only because I was a sports fan, but because of the wonderful artistry of Jack Berrill. His strips were lively and filled with sports action scenes, something we rarely see in the current strip because of the illustrator’s limitations. I mean, think about it. During the past football season we saw, what, maybe a half-dozen panels that actually included a football play? Most of the scenes were of a drunken Marty Moon making wise in the press box. The same goes for Apartment 3-G. I started reading that strip as a kid 40 years ago. I had no real understanding of the dramatic developments, but Alex Kotzky’s artwork was absolutely amazing. Look back at some old clips and you’ll see what I mean. Tommie, Luanne and Margot were stunning to look at. Unlike today, where I feel like I’m watching an old episode of Hazel. The only real equivalent now is “Zippy the Pinhead,” where Bill Griffith’s penwork is beautiful. I don’t think a comic has to be visually stunning to be effective. “Dilbert” makes me laugh nearly every time I read it. But, damn, it’s sad to see the devolution some have taken. I’ll step off my soapbox now. I figured if I could rant anywhere about this, this is the place!
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
In case you cannot tell, I am sometimes anile, occasionaly sapid, and always uxorious.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 12th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
87
Champ
You sir, are a curmudgeon.
Dean Booth
December 12th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
#75 fahrenheit451: Mary found Chester in the street on 11/1. She arrived home with him on the 14th. There have been 38 Chester strips.
Hubris
December 12th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
Keane is carefully scrutinizing the accidental death provision of the Gerber juvenile life insurance policy, moments after poring over the “important safety warnings” portion of his new Conair hair dryer instruction booklet.
RAHK
December 12th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
Mary gets a manual about Chester, its only fair Chester gets a manual about Mary. It needn’t be very long: “RUN AWAY! NOW!”
Speaking of dogs, the current storyline in Pooch Cafe is gold!
Bunnë
December 12th, 2007 at 10:40 pm
Brad and Toni bother me, though I’m sure that’s not a revolutionary sentiment. Seen in profile, Brad is almost handsome, but from the front he’s all pig-nose and stick-out ears. Meanwhile, Toni has the comic-hallmarks of a dishy babe: long blond hair, full lips, scant nose, visible eyelids. Is anybody turned on?
And the dialogue; it’s like one of those sitcoms where you keep thinking, oh just sleep with each other already. It worked for Moonlighting, but not so much for Luann. Maybe it’s because the witty banter has to be edited down to three panels.
Tim McDonough
December 12th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
#86: Well put. I find myself glazing over 3-G because it’s about appealing as Gomer Pyle’s girlfriend’s apartment. Yet I cannot turn away from Gil Thorp; it’s like a great dadaist fantasy camp with elongated foreheads, backwards limbs, horrific facial deformities and absurdist storylines that go in circles and vanish.
HappyCakes
December 12th, 2007 at 10:48 pm
The way Jeffy is touching PJ’s head it looks like hes discovered the beauty of the soft spot.
Jemmy
December 12th, 2007 at 10:50 pm
Whenever Mary says the “important” (using the term loosely) line of the day’s strip, she always looks up as though something is on the ceiling. I like to think that the drivel she spouts is actually written on cue cards, and she’s just forced to say whatever is pasted on the ceiling. It makes me feel slightly better when I read the strip.
Shmork
December 12th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
The best part about _Family Circus_ is that both Daddy Keane and PJ seem genuinely worried about what an imbecile Jeffy is proving himself to be.
Uncle Lumpy
December 12th, 2007 at 11:26 pm
#95 Jemmy –
So if you could sneak into Mary Worth’s apartment, what would you write on the ceiling and force her to say?
Uncle Lumpy
December 12th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
I mean, “Give me all your hot monkey love”, sure, but that’s almost a cliché.
Foobar
December 12th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
The “artists” of Marmaduke, Momma and Crock seem to competing to see who can finish first. Their strip ideas probably come from one of those “lowest-bid auction” deals.
LTBF
December 12th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
You’d think now that Jeff is drawing the strip, he’d stop making himself look so idiotic.
Jemmy
December 12th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
#97 Uncle Lumpy–
As I’ve got the flu or something (even though I had my flu shot), I’m just going to open it to everyone else. And go to sleep.
I can tell you that it would have something to do with serial killing, though. Even when I was a kid, MW was exactly what I thought a serial killer would be like.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:03 am
101
Jemmy
READ THIS Please
I was vulnerable because of my surgery but it can hit the healthy as well:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/12/10/AR2007121001630.html
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:10 am
97
Uncle Lumpy
Several things come to mind….a very tired mind-words on MFWIW’s ceiling:
If you can read this you are too da#m close;
My other ceiling is glass;
I have acute angina;
This WGA strike is really messing up my platitudinity!
Monkeyduck
December 13th, 2007 at 12:12 am
I think FC should have ended about 30 years ago, when the mom’s clothing was still in fashion. Maybe “term limits” for comics would help, say 20 years max…
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:15 am
MonkeyDuck
So you vote: Not a MILF?
Dicky
December 13th, 2007 at 12:22 am
92, Bunnë: Remember though, if they bring together the romantic leads, then they often no longer have a show (cf. Moonlighting, Caroline in the City, Friends, etc. ad nauseum). I wonder if Luann would end if they had Brad and TJ sleep together.
LTBF
December 13th, 2007 at 12:26 am
In Thursday’s FOOB, things get really interesting.
LTBF
December 13th, 2007 at 12:29 am
So FOOB will die if Liz and Anthony do the nasty?
Monkeyduck
December 13th, 2007 at 12:34 am
#105 No, but obviously the dad “voted” so, at least four times…
Benicillin
December 13th, 2007 at 12:35 am
#68
lfrtblklfrplkpl:
Clever. Your wordplay amuses me.
(cough)
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:42 am
109
MonkeyDuck
Indeed! But “Dad” and “Father” can sometimes be as far apart as “Comic” from “Cosmic”.
110
BeniHana
Thanks, but it could still get me sent to the, uh, cockpit.
Deena in OR
December 13th, 2007 at 12:42 am
12/12/07 9CL
So who do you think is the top? Seth or his boyfriend?
Electro
December 13th, 2007 at 12:43 am
My money is on the Brownies in JP containing Metamucil. Pooing is what makes Biff and Elvira happy.
Monkeyduck
December 13th, 2007 at 12:49 am
#111 Can you get the AdCouncil to make that into a PSA for all high school health classes?
Godzooky
December 13th, 2007 at 12:52 am
JP: Is Dot Face supposed to be Sophie? And I wonder if this storyline has anything to do with brownies…
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:52 am
Electro
Two responses come to mind, if you are correct and the brownies contain Metamucil:
If so, it would be the first movement in the plotline that I can remember;
or
I sure wouldn’t want to sit on their kitchen stools!
Good night all, I apologise for the scatalogical and prurient posts*.
* Even that sounds dirty now.
Blue Knight
December 13th, 2007 at 1:19 am
Oh. My. God.
Mark Trail’s Mystery Mountie is none other than Steve McQueen.
Is this old news? I never heard his last name before now, but…
Dang! This officially made my day…
Bobdog
December 13th, 2007 at 1:22 am
It’s a good thing that Jeffy’s not self-aware enough to realize his question, as much as it makes any sense at all, applies to himself as well as his little brother — because that would just blow his melon-headed little mind.
Dingo
December 13th, 2007 at 1:34 am
Cat fight! Cat fight at the shopping mall!
Poor Therese. All she wanted was to go into Queen Victoria’s Secret for a bottle of calamine lotion and some French-Canadian ticklers but Francie saw her from across the atrium and forced a confrontation with Daddy’s Whore. What will they discuss? Anthony’s prowess between the sheets? Ontario legislation?
I’d give anything for Bull’s wife to show up with Chester on a leash and let him loose on Liz like papparazzi on a starlet or Brad on Toni’s good nature.
Uncle Lumpy
December 13th, 2007 at 1:46 am
Now that Thérèse is back, I hafta remember all those damn diacritical marks.
Çrap.
Max
December 13th, 2007 at 1:51 am
107: Potentially, but, knowing Lynn Johnston’s style, we’ll probably end up with a week’s worth of Therese realizing the error of her ways and begging Liz for forgiveness, thus removing yet another loose layer of realism from the strip and giving us a Christmas miracle worthy of a Tuesday night movie-of-the-week on the Hallmark Channel.
mumbles
December 13th, 2007 at 1:56 am
FOOB: I thought Granthony told Papa Foob that Therese ran off early in Francie’s life. That Francie can recognize Therese from afar suggests that Therese has maintained maternal ties. And Francie seems happy to see her. So much for the cold, frigid, family-hating bitch we’ve been led to believe.
Also, what’s a high-faluting financial whiz doing at the Millborough mall? I thought she took off for the big city?!?
JP: I totally wish this storyline involved marijuana brownies but I bet it just involves Sophie stealing the recipe and making a lot of money off it. She’s so cute. Modern-day Danny Partridge, that one.
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 1:58 am
Is it Thursday already?
MARK TRAIL – If Mark finds an eye screw/bolt/hook on the bottom of Johnny’s boat, I quit.
BEETLE BAILEY – Oooh! How cute! Look at Sarge’s little head peeking up….I wonder if that’s how Beetle senses Sarge is coming.
BABY BLUES – Maybe the kids aren’t so quick to come to the table because they don’t want mom to squirt dinner into their faces.
DENNIS THE MILDLY ANNOYING BOY – Dennis eats veg tables and then uses the leftover splinters as toothpicks.
FAMILY CIRCUS – Yeah, Billy. That’s why all the girls don’t want to kiss George Clooney.
MARY WORTH – Hey! You can’t fool me. I was an English major so I know exactly what this plot device is. Wait. This is Mary Worth so it’s probably only twoshadowing.
REX MORGAN – What the hell? Is it farther to Chicago than by bus?
TDIET – Nash Metropolitan Convertible alert! Did anyone read the last post on the memorial thread? Sweet.
http://joshreads.com/?p=1361#comment-390283
FBOFW – What in the friggity hell is so surprising about seeing the kid’s mother doing a little Christmas shopping? Or is Liz just surprised that someone so hot actually had sex with Anthony?
GIL THORP – The One-Legged Tight End and The Killer? Weren’t they the opening act for Gail Martin?
And, yeah! Chris is back on Project Runway! Thank god because the rest of the designers are real stiffs – and I mean Rex Morgan stiff.
Hey Uncle Lumpy! Don’t you sleep anymore?!
Mibbitmaker
December 13th, 2007 at 2:25 am
12/13:
Agnes: Yeah, in the opposite direction!
A3G: Eric: “Yeah, I charmed Bill Connor, too.” (Eric ducks from Margo’s fist)
DtM: Really sad.
FOOB: This time of the year is full of contrivances.
FW: …And that’s when an airplane went out of control and crashed into Komix Korner, killing everyone inside.
Garfield: On the escalators of the Empty Void.
GA: Looks like somebody’s been reading “The Anthony Caine Book of Mind Games”…
MW: Chester: “Everything’s about finding ‘adventure’ with you, isn’t it, Noseybody?”
Ghost-Who: The Phantom’s thought bubble continues: “…And I’m the worst one yet!”
Popeye: Hey, beardy sexist — punch one of them so we can see if they’ll do that to Thorax in 9CL.
S-M: (At the police station)
Cop on phone: “Burglary call… it’s that Jameson character…”
Chief: ” Just humor him and forget it. That guy’s the biggest putz in town.”
Zits: He’s going to have some really saggy jowls when he gets old!
off-model
December 13th, 2007 at 2:26 am
RMMD: Wow, triple-entendre!
Also, with Rex in the woods and Mark Trail in Canada and Thérèse back in Milborough, I’m getting all of the comic-strip story-lines mixed up.
Joe Btfsplk
December 13th, 2007 at 2:31 am
Crock – To me, Panel Two looks like it originally might have had three lines of speech before one was censored out for some reason. Not sayin’ that it was; just that it looks that way.
Mark Trail – “Luke Wilson”?! Oh, my… Jack needs to get out more, get away from the drawing board a little, maybe take in a movie now and then. You know, though, Mr. Elrod gives us all of these wonderful gifts all year long; I can’t wait to see what we’re getting for Christmas.
I like how Mark keeps calling her “Bull’s widow” every time he talks to Johnny, even when he uses her name too. Someone’s got to keep Johnny focused, at all times, on why he’s in jail there.
Speaking of names, “Kathy Bullswidow” actually is kind of cool.
Mary Worth – Chester is not barking in Panel Two. He is calmly saying, “Woof!” in a human voice. Mary is so cosmically ignorant of the ways of dogs that she doesn’t see anything creepy about this.
Dick Tracy – If this strip has any plans to reintroduce the Moon People, now would be the right time. The window of plausibility will never be wider open than it is with this plot, in which not a single element has made the slightest amount of sense from its very beginning. I continue to harbor considerable affection for its artwork, however, though I know that probably makes me one of a tiny minority at best.
Lord-z
December 13th, 2007 at 2:33 am
A3G: “And you? What did you do, you lazy bum. You better get off your colourchanging hairy ass and do something. I am busting my ass out here, kissing ass and selling paintings, while you are jerking off in the back storage room”.
TB Tabby
December 13th, 2007 at 3:00 am
A3G: Don’t be aloof, Margo. Tell him how you REALLY feel.
BC: Actually, that’s generally the mama bear’s responsibility. Come now, Zombie Johnny Hart. What would Mark Trail say if he saw this blatant oversight? He’d let his fists do the talking, that’s for sure. If Beaver and Steve can understand it, why can’t you?
Blondie: Censored punchline: “…he’s probably gay.”
Crankshaft: Every time someone looks at those price tags, a hockey player scores three goals.
Crock: Dumb as that was, it wasn’t nearly as dumb as building a ten-foot barbed-wire fence out in the middle of nowhere.
DT: “This call’s coming from inside the house!”
FC: I get the feeling Billy’s friend is just Jeff backpedaling after last Sunday’s comic.
JP: Dear lord, I’m beginning to think those really are “special” brownies. If this keeps up, Christmas dinner in the Parker household is going to be six bags of Cool Ranch Doritos.
MC: Thank for describing that instead of showing it, Ed. The Thungs are providing enough disturbing imagery for one comics page today.
MT: “He wanted me to relax, so he gave me caffeine.”
Nancy: “Wow, Nancy! You use them to look at Aunt Fritzi too! ….I mean…”
Popeye: Their only hope is to guess the safeword.
StF: Even the summary is more interesting than most comic strip storylines.
RMMBLA: *BLAM* “Who’s the moron now, STIFF?” Smart, dumb, he’s the guy with the gun.
Eric the Grate
December 13th, 2007 at 3:08 am
The look on Daddy Keane’s face seems to express a deep sense of regret. It most likely stems from his decision to refinish all of Jeffy’s older toys with lead-based paint.
Dub Not Dubya
December 13th, 2007 at 3:10 am
End of yesterthread kmo: I also loved Adventure on the Atari 2600. One time the coolest thing happened: one of the dragons swallowed my character, and then the bat came along and grabbed the dragon and took us flying all over the different screens. It sounds like something someone would make up after eating the magic brownies in JP, but it really happened.
I have Pitfall on an Activision Anthology CD-Rom and have spent quite a few hours playing it. Fun times.
Spotted HØrse
December 13th, 2007 at 3:24 am
(DT)GT: Beat-downs here, getcher beat-downs, fre-e-sh from Milford! You don’t get to try CULLY unless you can take Bill Ritter! Beat-downs here, folks! Try Bill Ritter, try Cully, try ‘em all, folks, but try Bill Ritter first! Go home happy! Be-e-eet-downs!
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 3:28 am
#130 – Dub
Holy Crap! My Rotten Kid & I played Adventure for hours. Nothing felt better than finding that little dot hidden in the wall. And I remember the bat carrying around the dragon too.
We eventually moved on to The Legend of Zelda but I always missed my old Atari 2600.
I also liked whatever game it was that had a clown bouncing up and down to pop balloons. What the hell was the name of it?
Trilobite
December 13th, 2007 at 3:40 am
Another late night, with nothing but Thursday’s comics to lull me into a drowsy stupor:
Family Circus: While I applaud Billy for accepting the idea that girls will never want to kiss him, I think he’s miscalculated when preparing his excuse for it. I mean, as long as beer exists, there’s at least a tiny possibility that he might get a kiss anyway, even if only due to accident, blurred vision, or a tragically unlucky spin of a bottle — but there’s no beer on earth that can make stubble grow. The kid isn’t even taller than his dad’s shin after all these years, and he thinks he’s going to grow a beard? He’s never even going to grow a normal-shaped head!
Judge Parker: Abbey looked down at the chicken she was preparing — never a favorite at the Driver’s dinner table — and the thought suddenly struck her: wouldn’t it taste better if it was stuffed with brownies?
Later on, after completing rehab, she was able to laugh about it. “It was so crazy, but it seemed like such a good idea at the time!”
Mark Trail: Hang on, the doughboy who threw Johnny Malotte into the Lost Forest Dungeon was Sergeant Steve McQueen? I guess when you’ve got that name to live up to, you end up having to move to any town where you might have a better-than-even chance of being the coolest dude around. And if that means you’ll be spending the rest of your days in LoFo, well…at least you’ll be the STEVE MCQUEEN of those sad, slow-witted social rejects, won’t you?
Mary Worth: I’d love to see Mary Worth have an adventure, but considering that the only things she saw on her spur-of-the-moment trip to Vietnam was a tacky hotel room and a foreign doctor who she criticized for not doing his job properly, I don’t have high hopes for her dog-walking excursion around Charterstone. No amount of psychotic cheerfulness or crazy-eyed head-tilting internal monologuing is going to change the fact that she’s just standing around watching a dog pee on stuff.
Although I suppose that might be a pretty exciting afternoon for her, considering what she usually does with her free time.
The Inevitable Horror that is FBoFW: I’m heartbroken to learn that Therese is still around town, shopping at the same mall as her horrifically dull ex-husband. I really wanted to believe that she’d moved to Paris or somewhere equally exotic and was living the good life, far away from Blandthony and the old high-school girlfriend he was obsessed with. I’m taking solace in the desperate “please, PLEASE take me with you” way that little Francoise is clinging to her legs, though. Ten more minutes with Liz, and she’d probably be begging to go home with that scary-ass animatronic snowman from the first panel.
Trilobite
December 13th, 2007 at 3:45 am
#132 Trotzenbonnie — The game you’re thinking of was Circus Arcade, and it was awesome. Super Breakout was more aesthetically pleasing (especially the sounds), but then, you didn’t get to see a little 12-pixel acrobat splat headfirst into the ground when you messed up in that game.
I think everyone who ever played Circus Arcade would deliberately miss every now and again, just to see that little guy twitching his arms and legs.
Jemmy
December 13th, 2007 at 4:27 am
#102 ltrftp: Thank you for the link. I believe I have an ordinary cold that just hit hard, but it’s good to know about the possibility of scary things, Just In Case.
Pimples McAcne
December 13th, 2007 at 4:43 am
Victoria(my girlfriend) did I ever tell you your “legs” smell of butter tarts?…Beating a dead thread dep’t: “I totally agree with Mr. Greenback up there: I’m in the Robbie Robertson school of thought when he sings about hating the way Spike Jones sings, but he loves to hear him talk. Jim Nabors is the same deal for me, I hated it when on “Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.”. Vince would goad Gomer into singing “Santa Luccia” I hated that shit.”
Jym
December 13th, 2007 at 4:47 am
=v= JP: Given the lengthy and elaborate lead-up, I’m pretty sure the brownies have a chip in them, so that the KGB can track their movements.
Pimples McAcne
December 13th, 2007 at 4:56 am
Comma cum laude. I said chipnuns….is this thing on?
Pimples McAcne
December 13th, 2007 at 4:59 am
*rimshot*
red Greenback
December 13th, 2007 at 5:11 am
The Pimpster is my boy, I’m so proud of him. He effed on his first date!
Pimples McAcne
December 13th, 2007 at 5:34 am
Yo Popsie, Iove you, you old fart!
Red Greenback
December 13th, 2007 at 5:36 am
Right back at you Son…Eat all your veg-tables, m-kay?
Red Greenback
December 13th, 2007 at 5:43 am
And cut Nabors some slack, will ya? Christ, that man can sing!
Pimples McAcne
December 13th, 2007 at 5:56 am
Kind of a drag about Robert Craig “Evel” Knievel wasn’t it pop?
True Fable
December 13th, 2007 at 6:00 am
Okay, I’ve got my snark on!
A3G Unless Margo is tearing someone’s throat out or dry-humping her latest fling, this strip is down to the bare bones of boring.
Cathy (must die!) What the hell, did Guisewite suddenly discover the invention of the camera or something? She’s been on this “photos on everything” kick for well over a week! HEY CATHY! GIVE IT A FUCKING REST!
DtM Dennis the Kiss-Ass, you just lost 30 menace points from MenaceWatch2007. You FAIL.
FC No self-respecting girl will want to kiss you, Billy. You’re safe.
FBoFW Yeah, I’d be saying “No!” if I was Therese too. No, don’t drag me back into this strip so my character will be dragged through the muck of Pattersonian judgment!
Foobocalypse, Part Deux.
FW Yes, Pete, someone actually wants your books.
(DT)GT All this sex talk in the last panel is making me nauseous.
JP CAN IT BE? Sophie has her hair down and out of that tired-ass ponytail? What next – boobs?!? You GO, Eduardo! Meanwhile…Abbey….ahhhh. She can spice up my chicken any time.
MT Yeah, yeah, you’re good at Scooby-Doo mysteries, Mark. The question is, can Sergeant Steve McQueen really ride his motorcycle over three ginormous squirrels and a ubiquiduck in flight?
MW Yeah, Mary; it would be exciting for you to find adventure, but this IS Mary Worth and you DO live at Charterstone. You’re going to have to import some excitement, babe.
RMMD Trailer Trash Talk.
(my apologies to good folks who live in trailers; it’s just a snarking expression!)
Red Greenback
December 13th, 2007 at 6:08 am
Yes son, but he left this planet as a very nice-looking corpse. Boyomine, I so wish he bit the big one jumping over some shark-infested water park on a rocket-powered super-cycle…Actually, that’s the way I would like to see Lynn Johnston go!
The Avocado Avenger
December 13th, 2007 at 6:20 am
FBoFW: Notice that Therese thinks “No!” as her own daughter comes running toward her. It proves she’s still evil.
Juggs Parker: Anyone want to take bets on whether we’ll find out what’s in those brownies before the end of the year? No one? Yeah, I wouldn’t bet on that either.
Phantom: Please get your striped crotch out of those poor people’s faces. They’ve been through enough.
gleeb
December 13th, 2007 at 6:32 am
A3G: No, he takes more charming than Bill Conner. His hair is thicker, after all.
’shaft: Cancertown, where no one dares try to pick up a dropped hat. Anyway, just get the one behind you in the first panel. 12-13=they owe you a buck for hauling it away.
Dick: Three days. These are the slowest bulldozers in the world.
FBoFW: “Hmm, folks aren’t worshipping Liz enough. I’d better bring in the straw woman again”
GA: Where the 21st century meets the Great Depression. I think the head of the IPCC mentioned Santa’s displacement in Oslo this week.
Parker: “First one’s free, kid.”
Rex: It’s a good thing he didn’t mention the fishing.
Charlene
December 13th, 2007 at 6:44 am
So Mark Trail has to worry about Luke Wilson and Steve MacQueen?
When does Shatner show up?
Saluki
December 13th, 2007 at 6:59 am
12-13-07
FC: Billy wants to move in with Brad and TJ!
GT: At first I thought the one legged tight end said “slow down FRAT boy”. I like that line better.
H&L: After Ditto finds out about the 0.60% interest rate that banks offer on passbook savings he decides a life of crime pays more.
SF: Christmas Spirit, Hanukkah Mary, and Kwanza Joy are all dancing down at the local “gentleman’s club”.
Edison Lee: Ha ha. He’s calling Americans “fat asses”.
TDIET: “BA Boom Boom Baby Baby” is the song Christmas Spirit, Hanukkah Mary, and Kwanza Joy all danced to at the finale down at the “gentleman’s club”.
Ziggy: I was in a band once called Honking is Futile.
Inspector Dim
December 13th, 2007 at 7:48 am
MW: Yes! Let’s find adventure together, Chester! And by adventure, I mean a nearby lawn where you can poop.
Calico
December 13th, 2007 at 7:57 am
FOOB – Oh, oh, here comes the Margo Magee of the North. Let the fun begin!
MW – Adventure for Mary? This could mean anything from a dull pool party to making someone drunkenly drive off a cliff. Your choice.
JP – Oh, jeez, Sophie, please don’t. Eating those will skew your data for sure.
Abbey is so far gone she’s adding a whole container of Mrs. Dash® to the bird.
MT – I’m beginning to wonder about the odor in that jail cell – does it smell like armpits, 20 year old never-washed overalls, or perhaps “legs”?
RM – Go, Niki, go!
I hope Rex takes a while to return to the bad guy’s cabin. The kid really has his snark on.
Sharona
December 13th, 2007 at 7:57 am
Charlene, yep, I guess it’s now official that the Trading Post is the new place where all the movie stars hang out. The Canadian Lost Forest Film Festival is the new Sundance!
Calico
December 13th, 2007 at 8:02 am
#133 – They didn’t call him “Bullitt” for nuthin’!
Inspector Dim
December 13th, 2007 at 8:09 am
FRANCIE: Maman!
THERESE: Eh. Francoise. ‘Allo.
F: Oh, maman! Je suis triste sans vous.
T: Hm. Ah, c’est Anthony et Liz.
Anthony: Um. Hello?
Liz: What sort of creepy gibberish are they talking, Anthony?
F: Les odeurs de père aiment des jambes.
T: Il a toujours.
F: Ha ha!
T: Ha ha! …Merde.
This awkwardly incorrect conversation brought to you by BabelFish
Whippersnapper
December 13th, 2007 at 8:21 am
Me, yesterthread at 180: So many typos. How embarrassing. This is what I get because I have to dash off posts before I leave for work, where I can’t post because Big Brother (or possibly G.E. Chennux) is watching.
Foob: Soooo, your ex-husband and I have finally consummated that emotional affair we were having throughout your entire marriage. How’re things going for you?
Inspector Dim
December 13th, 2007 at 8:22 am
And one more thing: Francoise’s rapid aging and development reminds me strongly of Worf’s son Alexander, who also grew to be at least five or six in a single year. That suggests to me that Therese isn’t actually French-Canadian, but Klingon-Canadian. That makes me like her even more.
Calico
December 13th, 2007 at 8:24 am
Les jambes a l’odour de la merde ici. Stie!
Liz probably doesn’t even know “Bounjour.”
smacky
December 13th, 2007 at 8:25 am
FIGHT CLUB! FIGHT CLUB! OFFICIAL MILFORD AUXILIARY ONE-LEGGED FIGHT CLUB!
Tonight’s bout: Fat-Boy vs. Bill “The Hopper” Ritter!
I know I’m breaking the first (and second) rule by talking about this, but I’m hoping Ritter is about to join Cully in the Milford Murder Club. Then they’ll be blood brothers and go to the Bucket!
Calico
December 13th, 2007 at 8:26 am
JP – Re: that Dickens Chicken, didn’t Sam say they were going to BBQ it?
Doesn’t look that way now. Abs will prolly stick it in the dishwasher in her condition.
Calico
December 13th, 2007 at 8:27 am
Or Chennux could just Magmacannon the damn thing to save time. Put on your regal apron and go for it, great Emperor!
Calico
December 13th, 2007 at 8:33 am
Jeebum, I meant “Bonjour.” Stie again!
I would love to hear both Therese and Johnny each explode into a torrent of French Canadian swearing.
Liz will just stand there and smile dumbly, and Mark will take notes for his next nature article.
Inspector Dim
December 13th, 2007 at 8:37 am
Mark will take notes for his next nature article.
That could be a Sunday strip! “The wild Frenchie makes his den in a tumbledown log cabin next to a lake. He usually lives with a mate and his large litter, which seems to increase every year. French-Canadians are somewhat rare in the wild, but can still be seen browsing through the malls of Greater Toronto from time to time.”
Then there could be a panel of a giant French-Canadian scurrying up a tree or something.
Inspector Dim
December 13th, 2007 at 8:39 am
And, of course, more information about Quebecois can be found on the Internet.
Little Guy
December 13th, 2007 at 8:42 am
JP: Did she mention that the brownies were delicious?
Girl Randolph
December 13th, 2007 at 9:00 am
To repeat yet again – I MADE COFFEE TALK on the Foob mothership. I’m just so happy!
I’m H.A. of Ontario.
I liked today’s comic. Theresa is beautiful in that elegant Coco Chanel kind of way. I want to be her. Then I want to punch Elizabeth in the nose and castrate Anthony. (Oops too late!!)
But why on earth is Theresa shlepping out to Mississauga (sorry, Milborough) if she lives in The Centre of the Universe (known to outsiders as Toronto). I realize Square One has a Holt’s but the downtown location is better.
I guess she’s visiting her horribly domineering parents and escaping with a little retail therapy.
But this answers the question everyone has been asking. Does Theresa ever see La Petite Francois? The answer must be yes or else the kid wouldn’t have recognized her. And this makes Theresa out to be far less evil than suspected.
But I will have Lynn know that absent mothers are uncommon. Most women who aren’t the primary caregivers of younger children use the maximum of the time alotted them (or close to it). Not all, of course, but statistcally they are more dedicated non-custodial parents than fathers. I guess Theresa can be the exception to that trend.
Actually most women who aren’t primary caregivers of their children either have children with special needs they can’t meet, are in jail or in hospital.
AhClem
December 13th, 2007 at 9:08 am
A3G – As an engineer, I have absolutely zero fashion sense. Nevertheless, even I know that wearing a yellow tie with a light blue suit is simply wrong.
And if such a combination actually does happen to be appropriate, well, see sentence #1 above.
Calico
December 13th, 2007 at 9:10 am
#163 – You should see the malls in Quebec City – they are splendiferous, and the average young Quebecois seems to spend an inordinate amount of time in each one, as do the youth of the US.
Then again it’s so Margoing cold here that you either ski, snowboard, go to the mall, read, or drink. Or play shinny (aka non-contact hockey).
Or make brownies. (JK)
John C Fremont
December 13th, 2007 at 9:20 am
JP – So Sophie is dressing like Neddy and she’s about to eat some “special” brownies. I’m not sure I like where this is going. Or do I?
MW – Hey, where’s her pooper scooper and plastic bag? Adventure my arse!
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 13th, 2007 at 9:25 am
12/13
JP: Hey world, are you ready to see Sophie high? “Hey, have you looked at these annual statistics on Finnish soil conservation? I mean really looked at them.
H&L: How interesting do you expect your money to be, kid? You and it are both in “Hi & Lois.”
FW: A perk that comes with signing at this shop is that you get Comic Book John’s ace neckrubs free of charge.
C-Shaft: Shouldn’t he be saying, “Zoiks! Look at this c-c-crazy p-p-price tag Daphne!”
Ziggy: That would actually be a pretty good sign. Not that anyone would pay attention to it.
SFx: I’ll let GDN handle the six differences, but it’s nice to see that Francis of Assisi is adjusting to suburban life.
Marvin: “To the extent that this broken shell of a man is still capable of joy, that is.”
DtM: Hearing Dennis say “veg’tables” for the 3 billionth time, Santa threw up. No wait, sorry, that was me.
Luann: Title character partially redeems storyline with well-placed one-liner.
Archie: “Andrews! Why are you ignoring my daughter’s sexy Victoria’s Secret lingerie?”
Preteena: We’ve gone from “Political correctness has drowned out the true meaning of Christmas” to “Lousy hippies run the world.” It’s official. Allison Barrows is Abe Simpson.
GT: Check it out! Some intern at King Features has replaced today’s “Gil Thorp” with a scan from a crudely drawn gay porn comic. Haha. Boy is that guy gonna get fired.
Inner Space
December 13th, 2007 at 9:26 am
I like how Daddy Keane looks so utterly perplexed. I’m sure the same thought is running through both our minds: was that question supposed to make ANY sense AT ALL?
Godzooky
December 13th, 2007 at 9:28 am
FOOB: Would’ve make more sense if the thought bubble in panel 3 was coming from both Liz and Thérèse. Given Lynn’s objective to demonize her (”No!” at the sight of her daughter?), who wants to guess what will happen here to make Thérèse look worse? Better yet, how about guesses on even better ways for Lynn to make her look bad?
JamesinMaine
December 13th, 2007 at 9:31 am
A3G: It makes me sad to see Margo so desperate for Eric’s love. And it doesn’t ring true to my image of her. If this strip was more honest to its characters, Margo would just fuck Eric silly. And then eat his brains.
Godzooky
December 13th, 2007 at 9:34 am
Blondie: Nice dress, but what’s holding it u…uh, never mind.
Tweeks_Coffee
December 13th, 2007 at 9:34 am
BB: So…Beetle starts working when Sarge is coming, eh? Moving along…
Curtis: The whole thing with Curtis completely failing to get anything for Michelle that she may like gets old very fast.
DT: How does that watch stay on there? I mean, his hand has no shape at all. It’s just a cylinder.
F-: Not bad, but he doesn’t hold a candle to Granndpa Hatey from Squee!.
FC: Heh, too easy.
FOOB: Damn you, LJ. I had gone for so long without commenting on this drek, then you had to go and drag Therese back into the mix. What, you don’t think we hat Therese enough (we don’t)? Or do you just need to justify Liz and Anthony some more? What the hell is she doing there anyway? Last I heard she’d moved to the big city with her man.
Garfield: I don’t know who at Paws Inc. has been doing the strips lately, but they need to keep doing them.
GT: Bill, considering that your artificial leg generally appears to be made out of popsicle sticks and scotch tape, you may wanna sit this one out. Though it may be amusing to see him go down with one light kick in the shin.
MF: Okay, Mallard, normally when you put an asterisk after a statement it’s to provide a source. So what the hell is that one doing at the end?
MT: Steve McQueen and Luke Wilson have cameos in this story? Wow, this strip certainly is moving up in the world.
MW: What in the world is going on in the first panel? Is Mary rehearsing for her part in Flashdance?
JamesinMaine
December 13th, 2007 at 9:35 am
MT: “And then you kissed Sergeant McQueen on the mouth, mustache to mustache, right?”
Allie Cat
December 13th, 2007 at 9:38 am
FOOB – Is Therese saying “No!” because she sees Francoise or because she sees Liz? Because either way, she’s right on target.
There’s no way this can turn out well – unless someone throws water on Therese and she melts or something.
Like many of you, I get the feeling that Francie hasn’t seen her mother in some time, and that makes me sad.
Girl Randolph – we have a friend who has full custody of his 14 year old son, and has since he and the mother divorced 13 years ago. I’ve never had the chance to meet her, but she is bad news.
Ri L.
December 13th, 2007 at 9:45 am
I love the long-suffering look on Big Daddy Keane’s face. You can see the futile longing for escape capped with the soul-death that comes from decades of listening to Kids saying the Darndest Things.
Grergoire
December 13th, 2007 at 9:48 am
JP – Here..Sophie..have..a..Stepford..brownie…..They…are…delicious…
AtomicDog
December 13th, 2007 at 9:48 am
Popeye and the Thungs – You know, there are ways to kill living beings that don’t involve impact and momentum transfer.
What am I saying – this is “solve a problik wit’ yer fisks” Popeye we’re talking about here. They’re doomed.
Grergoire
December 13th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Gasoline Alley – Global warming always affects the poor most of all (sob)
YT
December 13th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Mr. Keene’s pursed mouth and blank, glassy-eyed stare have always made him appear the perfect picture of mindless suffering at the hands of his children’s soul-crushing antics, but today the slight slope of brows shows a trace of concern about his son’s obviously horrid mental retardation slipping through the cracks of his habitual stoic facade.
Max
December 13th, 2007 at 10:27 am
177: I interpreted the “No!” as disbelief that her suspicions about Anthony & Liz had been dead-on all along. Anthony always insisted that Liz was just “a friend” (hey, he used that same crap terminology on the kid, too!), but Therese always suspected otherwise. If he wanted to prove her wrong, he’d have done better to stick with dating the co-worker. Therese’s jealousy was always sort of laughed off or disregarded by Anthony, but she had been right about it from the start.
It would be great to finally hear her side of the story, instead of the “Gospel of Liz, according to Anthony” version. But, personally, I don’t think Lynn Johnston has the guts to go that route.
Dingo
December 13th, 2007 at 10:29 am
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Thérèse?
with thanks to Rodgers and ‘Hams for Hannukah’ Hammerstein
She’s lived a life so filled with strife
Most others would succumb
She tried to have a marriage
Her ex-husband is dumb
She whisked off to Toronto
It fit her like a “T”
A new beau and no kid in tow
Her life is filled with glee
I even heard her singing at Spadina!
How do you solve a problem like Thérèse?
How do you take angels and put them down?
How do you find a word that means Thérèse?
Success! Independent! A Patterson sentient? A clown!
Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you help her grieve
Her story she won’t achieve
As long as that Lynn Johnston is still around
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Thérèse?
How do you slap Lynn Johnston with your hand?
While Lynn Johnston is the muse
Life’s so easily confused
And I never know just how Thérèse should be
Did she leave Francois alone?
From Milborough is she gone?
She’s a darling! She’s a demon! Let her be!
She held bids to hold her daughter
‘Cause her mother said she oughter
It was money to escape then with her girl
She is gentle! Husband bland!
She’s a bitch! Say, come again?
Just because the one he pines for
Makes her hurl?
How do you solve a problem like Thérèse?
How do you take angels and put them down?
How do you find a word that means Thérèse?
Success! Independent! A Patterson sentient? A clown!
Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you help her grieve
Her story she won’t achieve
As long as that Lynn Johnston is still around
How do you solve a problem like Thérèse?
How do you slap Lynn Johnston with your hand?
Saxman
December 13th, 2007 at 10:36 am
Worst taste Comics of the Week Nominees:
“Rhymes with Orange” for full sidal nudity:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071213&name=Rhymes_with_Orange
“Pearls Before Swine” for predatory nativity scene attack
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/12/13&name=Pearls_Before_Swine
“Sherman’s Lagoon” for e fide bullsh*t joke
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071213&name=Shermans_Lagoon
“Gasoline Alley” for dead Santa Claus joke”
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/12/13&name=Gasoline_Alley
You decide!
Godzooky
December 13th, 2007 at 10:38 am
RMMD: Aw, Niki made Lee cwy…
Calico
December 13th, 2007 at 10:39 am
#170 – SFx:…”but it’s nice to see that Francis of Assisi is adjusting to suburban life.”
Beautiful.
Check the birdie on the doorknow with its mouth open. Baby birds do that constantly. So cute.
MW panel two – Chester is actually thinking, “Oh shit-adventure with this crazy biddy woman? This could become disastrous. Let me go! Helllp!”
As Eddie said in Pearl Jam, “Drop the leash, drop the leash-get out of my F#%$&*@ face.”
T. Chicana
December 13th, 2007 at 10:40 am
Saxman: I was so distracted by that tiny ping pong ball bra in R.W.O. that I didn’t even notice the sidal nudity!
Godzooky
December 13th, 2007 at 10:43 am
#172 me re: Demonizing Thérèse: Okay, I’ll give it a try:
1. How Lynn will make her look bad at the mall: She acts cold or says something mean to Francie, Liz sticks up for the kid, the kid warms up to her.
2. How Lynn can make her look worse: She takes out an order of protection against Francie (Don’t Hug The Thérèse)
Well, late for work…
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 10:45 am
GIL THORP – Hey. This isn’t the first time somebody yelled ‘fat boy’ in Milford. I wonder when that other time was? I think it was during baseball season. I’d really love to know but I’m much too lazy to look it up.
JP – Is there a jingle for Peck & Plucke Poultr yet? ‘Mrs. Dickens’ chickens’ seems like it lends itself well to that end. Don’t look at me. I have already established my propensity for laziness.
FBOFW – You know, I wanted to go easy on Therese (avec accents) having been a non-custodial mom for twelve years now, (Okay. So My Rotten Kid is almost 30. What of it?) but, as he’s given me hangovers from hundreds of miles away and I can sense his presence in any crowd and I will spot him from blocks away without my glasses – believe me when I tell you, I have absolutely NO maternal instincts whatsoever) I don’t understand why she wasn’t the one to notice her child first in the mall?
Girl Randolph
December 13th, 2007 at 10:47 am
RE: 177 Alley Cat
I know there are exceptions to this trend. I will say up front that many many many men are dedicated and wonderful fathers. I know many men would would rather loose an arm than miss a visit with their children. There are women who abandon their children. It’s just far far less common. Personally, I think this is cultural not biological. I don’t think men are evil and women are saints.
It’s just statistically uncommon. Most mothers are the primary caregivers. Most children whose mothers are alive but not primary caregivers don’t have fathers as their primary caregivers. The children are often cared for by relatives (generally other women) or by the state.
And most women who aren’t primary caregivers of young children use a bulk of their visitation.
What annoys me is that many writers just reverse the sexes without thinking. I guess they believe they are just being fair or pc. But for most people it doesn’t work like that.
It’s quite common for men to see very little of the children from former relationships (even when they love them dearly). It’s extremely common for them to either schedule limited visitation and/or cancel what they do schedule. That’s just not true of most women. And in many cases (not all, but many) where the women are unfit parents both parents are unfit.
But of course not all situations are the same. And there are always people on the other side.
It’s just that Theresa’s behaviour would be very unsual. And I would prefer it to be depicted as such. Theresa is not bad news. She’s just career oriented and she let her unambitious husband be the primary caregiver. Seems like a smart decision to me. Anthony has more time to devote to Francois. She was not abusive or dangerous. (Though she apparently struggled with post-partum depression)
I find it highly unlikely a woman like Theresa wouldn’t see her daughter on a fairly regular basis and be eagerly involved in major decisions (like religious education or schooling). Even if only because of the stigma she would face if she wasn’t involved. If she could be guilted into the suburban dream, I think it unlikely she would just cooly abandon her daughter.
I think Lynn is basing this story on her experience with her first ex. The problem is that women don’t often behave like this. Unless Theresa has ongoing struggles with mental illness (possible), she’d be unlikely to be mostly or entirely absent. And if her absent status was due to mental ilness that’s not something to demonise.
ooops – my feminism is showing!
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 10:50 am
#189 – Godzooky
Maybe Liz will notice that Therese is holding a shopping bag filled with Chinese toys for little Francoise and the gift tags all say ‘Do not eat until Christmas’.
Deena in OR
December 13th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Portland ‘mudges…
Check the meetup message boards….
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 11:01 am
#134- Trilobite
Circus Arcade! Thanks! I spent a very restless night trying to remember that. And thanks for reminding me about that splat. I knew there was a good reason why I loved that game.
I wonder if Santa would laugh his fat ass off at me if I asked him to bring me an Atari 2600 this year.
Harley Quinn
December 13th, 2007 at 11:01 am
RE:#19 Let’s not all pounce on Luke Wilson just yet… does the MT version even have any suspicious facial hair?
COTW!!!
Max
December 13th, 2007 at 11:04 am
190: “I don’t understand why she wasn’t the one to notice her child first in the mall?”
My thinking is that Francie noticed Therese purely by chance (the reverse may have been true is Therese was walking in their direction). It seemed evident to me that Francie was looking randomly about the mall simply to avoid looking toward Liz and the snowman. At that moment, she wants to be anywhere but with Liz, so she’s surveying the mall for other options, waiting desperately for this day to end. And then, things began to get interesting….
bats :[
December 13th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Late, as usual:
MT: I think Jack Elrod is having delusions of grandeur, and when the WGA strike is over that MT will be opted for a major feature-length film. He’s already casting the thing: Luke Wilson as Cow Malone mysterious “friend,” Steve McQueen as The Mountie.
Things will probably get screwed up, in the typical Hollywood style: Andy will be played by Eddie from “Frasier.”
JP: browniesbrowniesbrowniesbrowniesbrownies.
MW: see? More Hollywood dirt! I remember one of the taglines for the Indiana Jones movies: “If Adventure has a name, it’s Indiana Jones!”
Twenty years later: “If Adventure has a name, it’s…um…Mary Worth. Yeah, that’s it.” Heck, maybe she’s going to appear in the next Indiana Jones movie…
Mutts: gotta admit I agree with Mooch. I like my snow at a distance.
FC: obviously, Billy has never heard of a fellow by the name of Dingo…
FOOB: what? there’s more than one mall in Canada?! I thought everyone was stuck shopping at Mall of Milborough (hadn’t Therese left for someplace NICE? what the heck is she doing here? Slumming?)
Francie’s verbal skills continue to astonish me. While older than Francie, Wobin, in a similar situation, would’ve been closer to “Mommie? Mommie! Poopee in pants! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Talk about smelling like legs…
RMMD: Niki, Angry Young Stand-Up Comic!
Baby Blues: driving Mom crazy two weeks before Christmas is a REALLY stupid idea, kids…
Buck Ripsnort
December 13th, 2007 at 11:11 am
May Gawd forgive me, I not only laughed at Ziggy today, I mentally applauded. I live too damned close to the mall, and that sign should be posted on every highway in the state.
Quix
December 13th, 2007 at 11:12 am
Pass the plate, I have GOT to have one of those f@#ing brownies!!!!
MW – Initially I assumed that Chester was excited to be going out. After the 2nd panel, I realized he’s just desperate to get away from Mary, even at the cost of strangling himself. Good luck little fella.
Dr. Mabuse
December 13th, 2007 at 11:12 am
FBOFW – She’s already doing a pretty good job of demonizing Therese. The woman’s first thought on seeing her daughter is “No!” And look at the body language in the last panel. Francie is standing on tippy-toes to reach up to her mother, and Therese is standing up stiff and straight, not even bending down to look at the kid, let alone kiss or hug her. She couldn’t be more aloof if it were an ugly little dog humping her leg.
Monster Jamz
December 13th, 2007 at 11:18 am
Jeffy is an idiot. a freakin’ moron.
Santa Claus
December 13th, 2007 at 11:25 am
#194 Trotzenbonnie –
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Joe
December 13th, 2007 at 11:27 am
FOOB: Well, here we go, Lynn has to try and demonize Therese some more. Therese thinks “NO!” when her daughter runs up to her, and then doesn’t bend down to hug her or anything. Christ. Lynn is hell-bent to get everyone to accept the Lizthony.
What will it be now? The cold, evil, calcualting Therese wanting to rip Francie away from Dopethany? Will Therese spit in Liz’s face, scrape off Francie and walk away?
Whatever happens, you can be sure that Lynn’s intended outcome is more support for the Lizthony.
“Oh, gee, hello Liz. Wreck any other marraiges lately? Is LiverLips cheating on you yet? Oh, silly me, if that were the case, he’d be cheating on you…..with YOU….”
commodorejohn
December 13th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Crankshaft – What the…Crankshaft is using cartoon-style visual humor in a literal sense? That’s a first.
FC – If this isn’t ripe for misinterpretation, I don’t know what is. Is there something you’re trying to tell us about your older brother, Jeff?
FOOB – See? She knows who her real mom is. (Hint to Lynn: you’re probably trying to show how hard it can be for a stepmom to be accepted by her hubby’s kids, but it’s not going to work because both Anthony and Liz are a hundred times more loathsome than Therese. Give up while you’re ahead; it’s not like this strip isn’t full of deus ex machinae to the point where Francoise’s sudden magical acceptance of Liz would stand out.)
Garfield – Okay, I think this is probably supposed to be an escalator scene, but…wow, this is a background as detail-free and non-specific as, say, a Herb & Jamaal joke.
GT – Coming up in Gil Thorp: the very best thing in the history of the universe.
JP – More brownie ominousness. Is that Sophie in panel one? Is she finally going through puberty?
MF – While I agree, I wish Mallard weren’t so damn heavy-handed and self-righteous about it. It’s like a strip written by Elly Patterson.
MW – Woah, Chester shrunk! Maybe he comes from Lost Forest?
Popeye – Great, Popeye just got pornier.
SM – Spider-Man is going to let his employer go under to spite his boss. Some hero. Why can’t Mary-Jane be the lead character? She at least tries.
Edison Lee – LOL AMERICANS ARE FAT BUT OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE NO FAT PEOPLE
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Holy shit, Fat Man!
Uh, I mean, golly gee, Santa! You are the best!
(And don’t forget my Hello Kitty Barbie. Yeah, I’m greedy but I’ve been especially good this year, if you know what I mean.)
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 11:47 am
EDISON LEE – You know, if there was a kind and benevolent god ruling this world, all bicycle seats would be that large. You don’t have to have a big behind to want a big bicycle seat. Who wants to go for a ride on a hard rubber thong, for pete’s sake? Cheezwhiz, if you didn’t already have hemorrhoids, you will. My bike has a wide split seat – like one seat for each asscheek and that’s the only way to go.
And, how the hell do men ride bicycles without having to move to the alto section of the choir? That protrusion in the front of a bicycle seat feels bad enough (or good enough if the road is really bumpy) to a girl. I can’t believe that men don’t suffer some damage to their sack-roiliacks during a bike ride.
Can any of you Lance Armstrong wannabees enlighten me?
Stephanie
December 13th, 2007 at 11:57 am
Is it wrong that I kind of want Therese to totally beat up Liz? If so, I don’t want to be right.
The Divine O’F
December 13th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Two things:
I just read the latest posts to the Al Scaduto thread and see that there was apparently a bouquet sent in the name of CC. What are the details on this? I’ve not had much time to read closely for a while, but I’d be happy to chip in.
And…pun-lovers, check out Mother Goose and Grimm for this whole week. Today’s actually made me LOL. If you don’t love puns, stay away!
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/mgg.asp (this is for today’s; it builds, starting on Monday)
athena
December 13th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
86: Another well-drawn strip is Mutts. The Sunday strips in particular are fabulous, and the intro panels are often homages to comic strips of the past, like Little Nemo and Krazy Kat. I believe Patrick McConnell (the creator) does all his own coloring as well.
Mr. Coffee Nerves
December 13th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
FOOOB: I think Therese and Lizard are going to have a knock-down drag-out fight that spills into the fountain, drenching their torn clothing. Granthony is going to come running up and spy the sultry Therese in her rended, sopping-wet blouse and feel stirrings near his utility belt not experienced since he ordered those cool vinyl floor mats for the dealership. Just as he opens his mouth to declare he will leave Foobland for Toronto he’ll be distracted by the Fish and Game Commission firing a tranquilizer dart into Liz’s ass and Therese will be gone in a flash.
MW: Please let Chester lead her to Aldo’s grave!
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
119
Dingo
My bet is that they will come to closure over the Meech Lake Accords.
125
Off Model
The use of “Moron” in the context of the question “Who would have been the stiff?” gives us a quadruple entendre, eh?
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
135
Jemmy
I am just saying. I have not done PT all week. My arm feels like it did one week after surgery. If we had not caught it when we did I’d be (as they say in Canada) in Hospital. Speaking of spittle, I hope we get into a beg catfight at the mall. I would not bet that way, though.
MFWIW
Can someone explain her apartment layout? It seems to be like a Hanna-Barbera room with a door, a plant, and a dresser with a mirror above it every four feet.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
149
This is beginning to remind me of the supplot they used in “True Romance” for the actor’s line reading.
One of the best throw away lines ever in a movie NSFW 9th line down
http://imdb.com/character/ch0006551/quotes
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
191
Girl Randolph
1) Your lack of Curmudgeonity is showing;
2) That is incredibly well reasoned and resonant with what I believe is the truth;
3) Lynn Johnson doesn’t care whatever she has to do, or whomever she has to libel in order have enough fodder for her Canons of Sainthood.
Sorry.
Red Greenback
December 13th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Judge P. Diddy: That there second panel is almost as good as the Archie masturbating coach one. Choking the chicken? Jerk chicken? Shit I gotta stop reading Rex Morgan, M.D.
Eridani
December 13th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Even if Big Daddy Keane wanted to humor Jeffy’s idiotic question, he couldn’t really answer truthfully since all the children probably have different fathers.
Spunky N. Tadpole
December 13th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
MT – (12/13) – Oh my, my irony meter just pegged out! Sergeant Doughboy’s name is actually “Steve McQueen”?? What’s next, we find out Kathy Malone’s maiden name was “Katherine Hepburn”? Bull Malone was actually named “Burt Lancaster”? Come to think of it, “Mark Trail” sounds suspiciously like a stage name: mabye his real moniker is “Errol Flynn”? Hmmmm….
Oh, and Inspector Dim: (#163): the “giant” French-Canadian? If Jack Elrod doesn’t get a handle on his perspective soon, the Incredible Shrinking Johnny Malotte is going to end up about the apparent size of Jeffy Keane – and have to fight off the flying squirrels to get up a tree!
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Red
That is quite enough of the fowl language. Btw, I have always wondered, why does Superchicken have a cape on?
Monkeyduck
December 13th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
MW- It’s amazing that Mary managed to find a suit that’s the exact same color as her front door.
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
#218 – ltrftp(nsft)
He needed a place to put the ‘S’ and the feathers just weren’t cutting it?
He will drink the super sauce and throw those bad guys for a loss and he will bring them in alive and kickin’ BokBokBokBok….
Red Greenback
December 13th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Juggs P. Diddley: Man, I wish I was that pepper shaker!
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
220
Trotzenbonnie
But a CAPON?
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
#215 – Redsky!
I like the first panel too. Red McBustiness is thrusting her chest out as if she’s showing that chicken who has the biggest bad-da-bings in the house – and don’t you forget it!
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
#222 – ltrftp
Wahn waah………………
Pass the Asshat, please, whilst I make my way to the dunce chair….
Dr. Mabuse
December 13th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
FBOFW – This could go in a number of directions. Possible, though least likely, is that Therese will “open up” to Liz, the way that bratty girl who dumped April’s band to be a success on her own did after the telethon. Then Liz will be able to feel condescending pity for poor Therese, who gave up something “real” to reach for meaningless success in the outside world. That would at least be a bit more appropriate for Christmas.
Or Therese might try to break up Elizabeth and Anthony, not because she really wants him back, but just because she’s so vindictive.
But I’m betting that Therese will coldly rebuff Francoise with a snarl of “Fous-moi le paix, tu m’embêtes!” and stalk away, leaving Francie howling. Then that night, as she’s going to bed, the little girl will tearfully tell Elizabeth “Mommy doesn’t love me!” and Elizabeth will say, “Of COURSE she does, she’s just very busy and you have to understand her.” And then Francie will coo, “I wish YOU were my mommy!” And then Anthony will come over and there will be a 3-way clinch.
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
224
Trotzenbonnie
You are such a good sport, I hereby award you the Hale-Bopp Trophy given to those who can get along with the nutty, the nuts, and of course any random castrata.
Has anyone seen my Comet Cleanser?
leathermessiah
December 13th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Okay, does anybody else get the impression that the JP artist reads this blog? I mean, seriously. He’s clearly just messing with us now. Jealous over the attention that the other soap strips have received over the years, now he’s determined to get JP its moment in the spotlight… the Josh spotlight…
AhClem
December 13th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
ltrftp -
Feather or not you’re going for COTW, you’ve got to stop with the plucking chicken puns. You’re eggzasperating poor Trotz. Wattle you do if something bad happens to her?
Red Greenback
December 13th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Trotzenbonnie @ #223: Pride of pwnership…I dare say. Gotta go, place of toil, chop chop, old man Dithers, y’all know drill.
Bootsy
December 13th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
GT: finally, someone is literally going to get into an asskicking contest with a one legged man! What next, do the kids find out something actually is rocket science or brain surgery?
Phantom: How long has it been since we had a nice shot of stripey ass? Too long, that’s how long! Aaahhh! Life is good.
Islamorada Girl
December 13th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Mary Worth’s big adventure with Chester will entail her getting him to take a poop in the middle of the Chatterstone pool deck without cleaning it up.
bats :[
December 13th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
203. Joe: just before I read your post, having read some of the previous ones, I went to Coffee Stalk, and it seems that the LJ readership is seeing through the thin veneer of bringing back Therese just to make a glurgy statement about Lizardbreath and Asshathony (twue wuv! fowevew!). I sent in my own note, and it pretty much matches yours, with further demonizing of Therese via a “Very Special Episode” of FOOB.
210. Mr. Coffee Nerves: Oh, quit building my hopes up! Unless, of course, as Asshathony falls to his knees in the fountain, pennies and other miscellaneous coins grinding into his bony knees, as he professes his love for Therese and begging her to take him back (of course, Lizardbreath is aghast, water dripping from the crotch of her Etch-a-Sketch slacks), Therese merely shakes her head.
“How sad!” she says softly in French, with a hint of a smile as she accepts the hand of her escort, none other than Warren. He whispers to her with great concern for her welfare, and she assures him that she’s fine as he tenderly wraps his coat around her. Only then does Warren give any notice to Lizardbreath, and it’s one of his dazzling smiles that crushes her like some Pleistocene glacier.
Francie, standing on the edge of the fountain, stares up at Warren, transfixed. “New Daddy is SO HANDSOME!” she finally gushes. Asshathony hands Lizardbreath a rumpled handkerchief so that she can dry herself.
As they head toward the doors of the mall, Francie sobbing uncontrollably to be left in their dismal care and realizing, with her uncommonly keen wit, that she will be raised no better than any other Milborough pants-crapping child, Asshathony and Lizardbreath heard the sweeping blades of Warren’s helicopter as it lifts off from the heliport atop the shopping complex.
There is no Santa Claus. And Père Noël lives in sparkling, so-far-away Toronto…
SecretMargo
December 13th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
185: Gasoline Alley takes that competition, by a good country mile. The other ones you link to were all actually pretty funny (at least to me).
GA is just a remarkably icky stab at topical humour that seems to be under the delusion that global warming + dead Santa = comedy gold. It….doesn’t. It actually sounds like an awkward joke that a local news anchor might blurt out as “banter” between stories that would be greeted by stunned silence from his co-anchors and thousands of angry letters from parents of distraught children crying about that “mean Mister Gore who killed Santa.”
Poteet
December 13th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
# 204 — Thanks, commodorejohn — so it’s not just me. Actually, I was afraid Mary was growing, and that would have been even creepier. Also, Mary doesn’t seem to actually look at Chester. Maybe she knows her basilisk gaze would fry him to a crisp.
I suspect their “adventure” may turn out to be encountering Chester’s real owner. And if so,we may get to see Chester get away from Mary, Mary feeling very sad (har!), and Doctor Jeff kicking himself because he didn’t break up with her while he had a good excuse. And it would be a great bonus if Mary tried to hand over her big bag of cheap dog food and Chester’s real owner said icily, “No thank you, I only feed him the high-quality food recommended by my veterinarian.”
benzo
December 13th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
225: Dear lord. That last possibility sounds so terrible and manipulative that you just know that Lynn is going to do it.
Poteet
December 13th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
# 233 — SecretMargo, I definitely don’t like the dead Santa joke. But I liked the preceding cat mistreatment even less. I’d currently nominate this strip for Zombie Strip I’d Most Like To See Disappear.
Allie Cat
December 13th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
#191 Girl Randolph – I didn’t mean to say that Therese is unfit as a mother, nor do I fall into the “men are no damn good” category.
I have the perspective of a woman raised by both parents – and my father was more involved in my upbringing than many of my peers’ Dads. My father was a “Room Mother” for my sister’s 3rd Grade class. This was back in the early 80’s – he was the first man to fill that role in our Elementary School.
While I think it’s preferable to have both parents in the picture, I think the gender of the primary caretaker is irrelevant, so long as that parent puts the kid’s welfare as a top priority. I think in that case, both Anthony and Therese fail horribly.
They might as well get Francie a t-shirt that says, “I Was a Mistake” and call it a day.
And I consider myself feminist. So that’s my two cents.
man behind the curtain
December 13th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
LuAnn — Possible outcomes:
Toni invites Dirk to come along
Dirk is their server as in “Do you want fries with that McLobster sandwich”
Dirk is the chef and puts “fill-in-the-blank” in Brad’s meal.
One thing for certain, since it’s the Christmas food drive this won’t go on interminably. Of course, we are talking Christmas 2007 aren’t we?
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
228
Ah Clem
Thanks I think.If I got the COW for chicken jokes would that make it Steak and Eggs?
ltrftp(not so first time)
December 13th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Bats with emoticon
Still no Target yet….maybe tonight.
Anyway, is there anyway Lynn might, considering her turn to super-misogony, create “Francoise a deux meres” scenario?
I mean heck, EVERYBODY wears flannel shirts in Canada, right?
aquagirl3
December 13th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Quick! Quick! Check out my Wikipedia entry on the Luke Wilson page before they delete it! Hee-hee-hee!
Sans Sense
December 13th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Thérèse: Hello Elizabeth, you will find your whimpering, urine soaked lover in the toy department where I left him. Francois, come with moi. A daughter of mine does NOT shop at Kmart!
Saxman
December 13th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
233 Secret Margo
Don’t get me wrong.
They ALL made me laugh, but in a bad tasty kind of way.
But then I still have a nearly complete run of National Lampoons from back in my college days. And I still keep hoping that the networks will revive NUTS to replace some SWAG-struck prime time comedy.
Seriously, I think you are judging based on the “humor” as part of the holistic bad-taste-o-meter. And on that basis I have to agree with you.
I tend to judge on a more “can they say that in a daily comic strip” basis? And by that criteria, I’ll go for the bull shark joke.
Tim T.
December 13th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Don’t know if anyone’s mentioned this yet, but–a talking jailhouse AND a talking mountain in MT Wednesday, and not a word from either the great blue heron or the beaver? Something’s wrong.
Trotzenbonnie
December 13th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
#228 – AhClem
Yeah! Saddle be enough! It’s only the shank of the afternoon and already I’m sickle those puns.
Hey. I know my chicken parts. I mean, I know a chicken’s chicken parts.
I sure don’t want anyone to confuse me with Cleopatra at the end of Freaks .
Sans Sense
December 13th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
RMMD: It’s not often you see the commitment to drama that Lee is showing. Most criminals suffering from exhaustion and blood loss would be content to just track the kid with the pistol and try to stay awake. Lee goes the extra mile to engage in middle school banter with the kid and fire up his fetal alcohol induced rage. Nice going Lee, good work.
Sans Sense
December 13th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I think they pick character names in MT like Verbal in Usual Suspects. Too bad the author was at Blockbuster that day.
dimestore lipstick
December 13th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Uncle Lumpy–
You only have to remember the diacritics once– then copy and paste from that comment.
The comments box here lets you copy and paste words with diacritics, and they show up.
Thérèse.
There. That was copied and pasted.
man behind the curtain
December 13th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
LuAnn — This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where the guy would make the most ludicrous bet with Elanine knowing that when he loses he gets to take her to dinner although it’s not a “date.” You know Toni isn’t so naive to fall for this obviuos ploy so you know she’s just setting Brad up for some embarassment.
FBOW — We know Therese isn’t a candidate for mother of the year but this seems to make her the most heartless person alive. Yet at the same time the way Francoise is able to recognize her from a distance and rushes over to her seems to me to indicate that they must still have some contact. But to have Therese totally ignore this child is pure overkill and is just so wrong.
aquagirl3
December 13th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Did everyone go see?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luke_Wilson
see? see? am I cool now?
commodorejohn
December 13th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
#240 ltrftp(not so first time) – You mean “super-misandry,” don’t you? This is Lynn, after all…
#241 aquagirl3 – Very nice. I saved it for posterity, so if anybody wants to see it after it gets restored, drop me a line.
Dingo
December 13th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
FC: Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy. You can blame the girls all you want but I know you want that stubbly beard to rub against your sweet badass black friend’s butt.
Nil Zed
December 13th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
66-Raji said “Luann:
“Let’s make it a sex bet! If I win, you have to sleep with me.”
“Uh huh. And what if I win?”
“…I have to sleep with you!“”
if only more men understood that those two options are NOT the same thing at all.
Quix
December 13th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
@aquagirl3 – hilarious – but how, exactly, does one canoodle?
aquagirl3
December 13th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
I always pictured “canoodling” to be equivalent to “nuzzling” with some low-pitched naughty talk thrown in.
dwa
December 13th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Man, when will Funky Cancerbean stop dithering and have Chien meet up with Petey? I’ve got money riding on whether or not she’s the reason Pete isn’t too fond of being called “Little Petey”
SmartPeopleOnIce
December 13th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Oddly enough , my faith in the veracity of Wikipedia remains unchanged…
bats :[
December 13th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
241. aquagirl3: that’s priceless! If someone were just reading along, that just flows effortlessly along with Luke’s other accomplishments (suspiciously so!).
256. dwa: I might be way off-base here, but I could’ve sworn that the chunky Goth chick from a few days ago was Chien, just that time hadn’t been kind to either her physique or her fishnets.
commodorejohn
December 13th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
#258 bats :[ – It’s been a while since I looked at the Funkersite cast page, but I recall Chien looking pretty much the same as she did pre-jump.
Quix
December 13th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
@aquagirl3 – sorta like snogging, but with an edge?
Calico
December 13th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
#232 – Thanks so much for busting my stomach with laughter! Ooooowtch!
Warren, we barely knew ye…
#255 -Is that how Mary Worth makes her famous tuna casserole?
kmo
December 13th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
#130 Dub Not Dubya: I believe I was eating those magic brownies too, because I remember that happening! I loved getting the, um, “dead tour” (for lack of a better term) of the Adventure land. Of course, when I got swallowed by a dragon and wanted to show someone how the bat would grab the dragon and fly around, it wouldn’t happen!
I see that your blog is “cranky in RI.” I’m a fellow New Englander in Massachusetts…hope you did ok in this awful storm. It took me 3 hours to get home from work today!
Anonymous
December 13th, 2007 at 9:27 pm
Allie Cat on foob (and me)
” I think the gender of the primary caretaker is irrelevant, so long as that parent puts the kid’s welfare as a top priority. I think in that case, both Anthony and Therese fail horribly.”
Men can be wonderful primary caregivers. It’s just uncommon to have an absent mother and a totally normal and devoted father. Would that all men behaved like your father or mine. (I love my daddy!) What I said was meant to be more about women than men. Women just don’t often up and completely or mostly abandon their children. It’s uncommon (statically). Of course it happens. But it’s not common.
The reality is that in most cases non-custodial fathers fall short of meeting the needs of their children. I’m not sure why that is. I suspect it’s cultural and has a lot do with the what general society expects of men versus what we expect of women.
I actually think Anthony is a decent father.
Francois seems happy and loved and functional (even insanely advanced). When it comes to Francois he’s almost likable. Almost! But then I’ve known vile men who were loving fathers. They didn’t know how to treat another person with respect , but they knew how to be attentive dads. Being a good dad isn’t the be all and end all of being a good human being.
It’s just that if these were real people, Theresa would likely have regular and frequent visits with her daughter. And that in no way would constitute “throwing” Francois away, as Liz claimed. It would mean Theresa left her daughter in the care of the parent who was able to do the best job. That’s called a GOOD decision.
Next to leaving Anthony it was her best decision.
Acrux
December 14th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Crock: I’m just wondering why the woman is trying on a hijab…
sdlf
June 27th, 2008 at 1:54 am
dsa
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