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Wednesday one- and two-liners

Blondie, 6/27/12

It’s always the glasses-wearing nerdlinger in the office who’s the first to clue you in on how to use cutting-edge high-tech stuff like “Google search” for work.

Ziggy, 6/27/12

Ziggy’s parrot has taken the liberty of whiting out all the typos in the newspaper, with bird poop.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/27/12

A hitherto unexplored source of Funkyverse misery: local law enforcement is willing and able to dish out brutal beatings to anyone who even hints at DUI or illegal alcohol production.

Hi and Lois, 6/27/12

I originally read Trixie’s “I hope Dawg can wait that long” as a poignant reminder that our pets’ lifespans are shorter than ours, and that Dawg might not still be around by the time Trixie is old enough to take him for a walk. But then I realized it was just a joke about how Dawg is about to pee all over the rug.

Gil Thorp, 6/27/12

Man, with all the exciting teen pregnancy action, Gil Thorp neglected to tell us that the boy’s baseball team was on the verge of winning a championship! Don’t worry, though, they didn’t.

332 responses to “Wednesday one- and two-liners”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    GT — Poor deluded child. He actually thinks a penis extender will make him “Mr. Big”! (You need to work more on your throwing arm, Dinny. And worry less about “measuring up” to your teammates!)

    @Poteet (#y293): MT — Can you idiots flee at 35 mph? If not, prepare to become part of the bear.

    Sounds like someone’s about to experience an existential intestinal crisis. Or an exintestenial crisis.

  2. Killa Hydrilla
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    GT: Let us all rise for the Mudlark anthem — Waa-waaaahh!

    MT: Let us all rise for the Mark Trail villains’ anthem — Waa-waaaaahh!

    MW: “Dear Can’t Go On: Always remember, there’s a dark and a troubled side of life, but there’s a bright and a sunny side too. Say you can’t live that negative way. Make way for the positive day. You will see clearly now, the rain is gone. Where there were deserts, you will see fountains. You may sails the seas of desolation, even drop your anchor there and plumb the depths of isolation. Walk its length. Don’t be scared. Illumination comes so hard. Get up. Stand up. Forget your troubles. The sun is shining. Come on get happy. I don’t think you’re happy enough. That’s right, I’ll teach you to be happy. I’ll teach your grandmother to suck eggs. There’s a land that’s fair and bright, where the handouts grow on bushes. It’s getting better all the time. Better, better, better.

    “Yours truly, Wendy”

  3. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: “You don’t understand, Scott—it’s almost as though some creature were trying to push its way out of my lady-bits!”

    JP: Yesterday, folks were finding it unbelievable that as a big-time Hollywood player, Avery didn’t recognize pot plants. Today, I’m finding it unbelievable that as a modern-day human, Avery doesn’t recognize these pot plants.

    MW: Cheer up, Dawn: You’re in the world’s roomiest coach class!

    And I will be forever grateful if Mary believes that “Wendy” must help each troubled soul in person: “Oh dear! This young woman lives clear up in Goleta, but I have to answer this other letter from Santa Barbara! My goodness, this job is going to put a lot of miles on my Oldsmobile!”

    FC: No, Grandma doesn’t give them change from her purse, but she does slip Thel the occasional Xanax.

  4. Chareth Cutestory
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    GT: “TWO MORE INCHES AND I’D HAVE BEEN MR. BIG.” Nope, no innuendo here. Move it along folks.

  5. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MT: You don’t have to be able to outrun a bear, just the person you’re with.

  6. Vanya
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    blondie: Why would anyone type stinkin’? The apostrophe takes more work than just typing the “g”.

  7. Doug Puthoff
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    GT–I thought the baseball team sucked this year. I thought they’d have the same chance of winning the pennant as the Chicago Cubs.

    FW–Joke time: How many Tom Batiuks does it take to change a lightbulb? As many as Tom Batiuk wants; it’s called writing.

  8. pugfuggly
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    blondie I can imagine this exchange devolving rapidly…

    When is this stinkin’ day going to end?
    Did you mean “When is this stinking day going to end?”
    Don’t be a smartass.
    Smart ass | Define Smart ass at Dictionary.com
    Oh, to hell with you.
    Et tu, Brute? – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

  9. Hogenmogen
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    FW: I was going to call it “White Lightning”, but the more I thought about it, I think “White-Out-Bird-Poop” is more appropriate.

    Crazy: You’ll get a beat-down anyway. We all do. This is the Batuikverse. Misery loves Funky.

  10. Here come the Judge
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Luann: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

    Gil Thorp: Another foot? How about a third leg?

    JP: The latest most likely outcome of this most recent story is that Sam and Avery will be accosted by the pot grower, who will be young, female, vaguely Middle-Eastern looking, and most likely stacked, and who will fall in love with Sam, but will then, off screen, go down in a hail of gunfire, during a shootout with the Feds, who will then give Sam and Avery all of the money, guns, and pot so that they don’t have to do so much paperwork. The only possible twist I can think of is that the pot grower may be Peaches.

  11. Mr big
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    “Two inches more and I’d have been Mr. Big”
    “Nah…You’d need at least another foot for that”, he says as he slides his arm around him

  12. Hogenmogen
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Dithers is ?-ing in the background because he has never heard of this “Google” object, which apparently searches the interwebs or whatever. For example, it might even be able to locate someone who sells replacement needles for an old turntable.

  13. Mibbitmaker
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is now up!
    *SPECIAL COMICS CURMUDGEONY EDITION*

    Basically a PCK version of comments. The Target: FW. Teen Les knows too much!

  14. TC
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    FW: “I was going to call my car ‘White Lightning’, but the more I thought about it, it’s a Subaru Forester, and I’m a grown man, so how about you just get in the car already?”

    GT: “Two more inches and I would have been Mr. Big.”
    “What? You don’t mock your penis size, only we get to do that.”
    “I’m trying to diffuse your bullying mockery by making the joke first.”
    “Fine, you suck at baseball. And you blew the game. And by game, I mean team, because you’re a little lady. But really, you suck at baseball.”

  15. Lynn
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    FW – see, I thought this joke was more about racism, and Funky would get a beatdown from Cayla for his white supremacy joke.

  16. Dennis Jimenez
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Blondie – Here was my number one hit: ..and that’s why I love “Bring Your Kids to Work Day” | Mental Poo

    Ziggy – Ah, to be Ziggy’s pet – no food dish, no water feeder, no mirror – just Ziggy and the Out-Call Models Daily….

    FW – Honky Fat Ass Hauler….

    H&L – Oh sunbeam – please give me melanoma an kill me….

    GT – It takes real courage to take on penis size in the funny pages….

    Adio Amigos, DJ.

  17. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    MT – A bear! Run!! Drop the gun, it’s of no use to us now – this situation calls for sheer panic!!

    FW – Wow, this “Funky Leases a Car” story line has it all! Excitement, suspense, and humor! Well, except for the “excitement” part. And the “suspense”. And the “humor”. But it does have everything else, what with dumpy middle-aged men talking about car leasing.

  18. pugfuggly
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    A3G How is the pain going to get any better when Tommie arrives? Is ‘midwife’ slang for ‘drug dealer’ in this alternate-reality Manhattan?

    MT“AAAA! is it flying? Oh god, that’s no regular bear, it’s SUPERBEAR! Run, run from its indestructible talons and heat-ray vision!!!”

    MW Fly Northeast TransAtlantic: Boasting twice as much overhead compartment room than any other airline!

  19. Andrusi
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    I want to dislike Ziggy today, but after growing up with two competing newspapers that had one prominent difference between them, all I can do is wonder if the parrot also poops on awful grammar.

  20. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    MT(2) – “Why did you drop the gun? That was our only hope to defend ourselves against this wild animal more than twice our size!”

    “It isn’t working any more! The trigger mechanism is stuck!”

    “What? I didn’t hear the last part! What’s wrong with the gun?”

    It is Rusty!!

  21. The Diceman
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Blonde: I figured the setup was leading to a “sandwiches and/or naps” punchline. I shouldn’t try to second-guess them. It hurts to think down at that level.

  22. pugfuggly
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#12):

    Mr Dithers is ?-ing because he can’t believe that employees are allowed to access an online tool that might threaten his totalitarian rule of the office. So he’s off to see his friend in the PRC consulate to see if he can buy some special software from them…

  23. Doctor Handsome
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    I’m more impressed by Google’s autofill feature. All I had to type was “Dag,” and it immediately jumped to, “Dagnabit, I’m a grizzled prospector from the 1840′s, and even I find Blondie hokey. Consarn it.” Lucky guess.

  24. Hip Young Urban Plugger
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Thanks, FW, for getting that song stuck in my head all day.

  25. Hogenmogen
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    A3G: Tomorrow, Tommie finally arrives. “Here’s what we do – let’s go for a walk! That should cheer you up!”

    Nina: I can’t walk! Something is wrong!

    Tommie: Oh. I’m not sure about this. I took a class a few months ago and barely passed. Did you know “hoo-hoo” isn’t a real medical term?

  26. Mibbitmaker
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Website links on a topic isn’t question-answer, and internet people aren’t all the nerdiest caricatures anymore, strip. How does a comic so out of touch about the www even get online in the first place?

    Ziggy: Plus, he pooped on the Marvin strip on the funny page, just because.

    FW: A more appropriate car name for their universe: Lightning Struck Me Dead.

    H&L: Well, it’s certainly not about white out!

    GT: “No, seriously. You suck, Mr. Sulky!”

  27. S.Stout
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    H&L: Dawg is clearly getting it on with the wall while staring at that female dog.

    Luann: Haha, Quill called Luann’s bluff and implied he wants to have sex with her. Now watch her weasel her way out of it.

    Blondie: Interesting, Dagwood’s brain makes mechanical “tickety tick” noises when he uses “new” technology.

  28. lorne
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    What’s more precious about today’s Blondie? The careful explanation of “Google Search” for the benefit of the modernity-challenged? Or the vintage 1920s era office furniture that Dithers Co. stacks their new computers onto.

  29. Hogenmogen
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    I think Pluggers was trying for “high speed rail“. But forgive the pluggers, locomotive technology is only two centuries old. Tomorrow’s panel will probably show a Druid burial mound. “A plugger’s gravestone” – you know, to poke fun of all those crazy pyramids all the young pharohs are having built these days. Gosh! What will they think up next?

  30. Holly Folly
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    I think “OK hows this: You blew the game and we all hate you.” Is the best line I’ve ever read in a newspaper comic.

  31. Dono
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    I have a soft spot for the Blondie characters, but come on, Dagwood–do you really not know when the workday ends? Or do you think Google can predict the future? (“Today’s stinkin’ workday will end at 2:37 due to an explosion in the HR department.”)

  32. Tom the Sailor Man
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    “Two more inches and I’d have been Mr. Big!”

    “Nah, you’d need at least another foot for that.”

    “That’s what she said!”

  33. Dood
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: I figured Funky would have called it the Generally.

  34. Illustrator Steve
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MT – Wilderness bush pilot licencing test question:
    An experienced wilderness bush pilot knows the best defense against an angry wild bear in pursuit is to do one of the following:
    A.) panic.
    B.) drop your rifle.
    C.) scream loudly while trying to outrun the enraged beast.
    D.) Chew the kind of gum that people chew to scare away bears.
    E.) All of the above.

  35. McManx
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Nancy — Aunt Fritzi Alert! Aunt Fritzi Alert!!

    Phantom — When did the sucker punch make it into the Jungle Code?

    Mary Worth — Dawn looks as if she is looking for the air sickness bag, and they haven’t even left the gate yet.

    Mark Trail — Trail’s Wilderness Fun Facts: When confronted by an angry bear, remember you cannot outrun him; you only have to outrun your partner.

    Hazel — If you read Judge Parker and Hazel side by side today, you’ll see how Hazel has supported herself on a maid’s income all these years.

    Beetle Bailey — Note to Walkers: Family strip or no, if you are going to flounce Miss Buxley about in her teeny bikini, you are obligated to at least draw in a hint of an erection on Beetle.

  36. Dood
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Dag’s keyboarding skills aren’t quite up to the task. While Nerdlinger types, “Ticketa ticketa,” Dagwood types, “Ticketa tick.” Big difference.

  37. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Crank: Lt. Commander Data, speaking to Lt. Commander LaForge about his cat: “Spot does not respond to verbal commands.”

    FW: Both those idiots need a beat-down……of CANCER.

    Luann: “Tee Hee Hee! Tee Hee Hee!”………..cripes.

    MT: Yeah, that’s it. Drop the rifle and run. Blithering Idiots. Then again, this is the Trailverse.

    RMMD: Well, what’s clear is that Foster didn’t pay the required taxes on that $25,000, then just outright gifted it to Rex. He may as well just give it all over, because by the time Rex finishes paying the IRS the double and triple taxation on this, there won’t be shit left over.

  38. Dood
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Shouldn’t those two guys whose name’s I’m too lazy to bother remembering be beating the crap out of the reptilian kid who refused to participate in rally cap time? Clearly, it’s his fault they lost.

  39. Dood
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#33): Or the Morose-mobile.

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    CdS: that is an epic rant. just sayin’.

    HotC: no, but he has one. . . .

    Lio: d’awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Ishmael is cutest squid EVAR! (Squid-Girl is a close second.)

    SBp: that’s a flow-chart.

    Zits: ayup. he is at that.

    PMP: *SNURK!*

    Ghost-Who-Removed-His-Ring-Yesterday: continuity fail.

    6Cx: lamest tentacle sex ever.

  41. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .author avatar slashfics.

  42. Illustrator Steve
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#35): “When confronted by an angry bear, remember you can not outrun him, you only have to outrun your partner.”

    From now on I intend on using that statement as my new motto.

    Of course that means Iwill have to discard my previous motto which was…
    “Before saying something bad about someone you mustfirst walk a mile intheir shoes. That way, whenyou say something bad about them you will be a mile away, plus you will have their shoes!”

  43. Jasper
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    MT- A fully clothed human, across rough terrain, with a little boost of adrelyn can run, say 15 mph for a short distance. A large angry grizzly can reach speeds of 35 mph. Someone better get mauled.

    MW- Thats some roomy storage compartment on that plane.
    Hey Wilbur, put the bitch on antidepressants and be done with it. Where’s he coming up with the scratch anyway to take a leave of absence impusively jetison to Italy on his meager salary from a two-bit newspaper.

    LuAnn- Tomorrows strip should show LuAnn with her knees to her ears and feet pointed skyward . . . should, but will be some cheesy excuse to not have sex.

  44. terrapin
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    MT: “A bear! Run! Make like the French Army!”

    Luann: Looks like Quill figured out he’s been in a stupid comic strip all these years.

  45. TheDiva
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    FW: “….but then I realized how douchey naming one’s car is, especially at my age.”

    GT: “Two more inches and I could have gotten all in that Sex and the City chick’s business!”

  46. Dawn Weston
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Life (in coach) is brutal……..

  47. Joshua
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    How is it that Dagwood, who has a Facebook account and no problems using it, could be surprised by Google Search?

  48. un malpaso
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    FW: “I was going to call it ‘White Lightning’, but then I figured something like ‘Aggressive Leukemia’ would be much more fitting for our community’s pervading sense of existential misery. Uh-oh… R.I.P. Nora Ephron. Too soon?”

  49. Horace Broon
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Archie: This is a 1990s rerun, right? So I suppose technically they made that joke before every other comic strip…

    A3G “Something is wrong! I think my face is frozen! I am in pain you can’t imagine, and yet I look like I’m mildly worried I might have left the oven on!”

    ASM: “No, I mean he probably intended to hurt you. It’s just he’s completely useless.”

    MW: I bet the letter’s from Dawn, who failed to spot the flaw in bitching about Wilbur to “Dear Wendy”.

    Phantom: Wear the purple outfit, distract him with the skull-handled knife, but for heaven’s sake don’t punch him with the ring on, or he’ll figure it out!

  50. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @Mr big (#11): Chris Noth, is that you? (What’s impressive to me is that Dinny knows Noth’s penis size to the nearest centimeter. I hope that information comes from some celebrity sex site — and not from personal experience!)

  51. LUJBEM FEJF
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Blondie- I don’t think Dagwood got his answer….
    “When is this stinkin’ workday ever going to be over?!”
    Google…
    ..and that’s why I love “Bring Your Kids to Work Day” | Mental Poo
    ….- Stinking Creek News
    …Warrants?! We Don’ Nee’ No Stinkin’ Warrants! (Unless We’re on …

    There are a lot of “We don’t need no Stinkin’ Badges!” places to visit though.
    Maybe he should type in.. “Blondie Naked”, into Google. Now that’s what stinkin’ Google is for!

  52. Mark B.
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Harris is thinking to himself, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun Elizabeth.”

  53. Doctor Handsome
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    If the amount Josh shits doesn’t wildly exceed the amount of typos in Ziggy’s local newspaper, I enthusiastically embrace the death of print media.

  54. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    According to Ripley…

    Seyyid Abdishaicur of Qarbi Bayah, Ethiopia, trained a HYENA to guard his farm.

    It didn’t work. The hyena got it’s head bitten off by Ruthie.

  55. Marc
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Luann- This is going to be nauseating and stupid but we all know it won’t end in sex. If Luann has sex, that means he’ll have to start drawing her with those bird beak lips. The punishment in Luann for no longer being a virgin is being stuck looking like a cockatoo.

    Funky- Funky is that guy in those annoying Subaru commercials who always had to be different from his brothers. He liked bubble gum ice cream instead of vanilla, skateboarding instead of football, and punk instead of rock n roll. Now he has to show off his new Subaru to every single person he knows to show how different he is. Of course he only knows like four people but I’m sure they all hate him for this.

    Mary Worth- Dear Wendy, I can’t go on like this anymore. My boyfriend dumped me, my orange and black hair is a total turn off to every man that I meet, as are my all purple outfits, and my fat, sandwhich obsessed slob of a father is whisking me off to Italy on a moments notice. We’re flying on the world’s most spacious airline yet he is insisting on almost sitting on my lap and is incessantly talking about how much fun we’re going to have. What should I do?
    Sincerely,
    Life is Brutal in Santa Royale

    Mark Trail- So instead of attacking the babbling intruder in his den, the bear comes flying out of it’s cave to attack the bad guys. All of which begs the question; what was Mark’s plan for the bear to begin with? All he said was perhaps this old bear can help. So was it just to stand there, hope the bear wakes up and doesn’t notice him, then flies after his attackers?

    9CL- This was a headache to read. Of course the dialogue doesn’t matter, Brooke just wanted to draw legs so he could jerk off later.

    A3G- How would somebody who admittedly knows nothing about carrying, having, or caring for a baby know what is wrong and what is normal during labor? And in what universe is your dumb as a stump midwife going to be able to help with better than the trained nurses and doctors at a hospital could? Maybe Tommie will pull a McGyver and relieve all of Nina’s pain and will successfully deliver the baby using only the half a pack of lifesavers, pack of kleenex, single stick of gum, paperclip, and key that she doesn’t know what it goes to.

    Cranky- I hope this is a set up for that cat clawing his eyes out.

  56. Ed Dravecky
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Victory is (sort of) ours: the top Google search result for “When is this stinkin’ day going to end?” is currently this very page. There are no Google hits for “When is this stinkin’ workday ever gonna be over?” (the actual language from the comic) but Google’s pigeons are fast workers.

  57. Mibbitmaker
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Meta: One of the ads showing on this site as I type this is for a book whose author is named Clinton J. Boomer. Bill Clinton was our first Baby Boomer president, and his middle initial is J.

    In other words, if that writer’s name isn’t a pseudonym, it should be!

  58. Cloudbuster
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: I almost have to admire this. McEldowney manages to excoriate his readers for being dirty-minded & smutty, immediately after an entire sequence showing Drusilla explicitly sexually molested by a four-foot demon tongue, and engaging in violently explosive lightning sex (oh, c’mon, don’t tell me I was misinterpreting that), and while having his naked succubus character — who he frequently reminds us is sex incarnate — writhing on top of a shocked old man, and speaking in opaque double-talk. But we’re just dirty-minded cretins for assuming anything sexual is going on? Wait, no I don’t have to admire it. I just have to want to slap him.

    A3G: So this woman who doesn’t recognize labor signs, has no idea “what happens next,” and as far as I can tell, has been in labor for all of a half hour (it’s pretty unclear), is simultaneously refusing professional medical attention, and bitching at Scott because something is “wrong” with the labor? And she would recognize something being wrong, because, why? The only “wrong” here is that these two nitwits might be entrusted with molding a young life.

    JP: Oh, come on! There is no such thing as a big time Hollywood movie producer who is so naive he doesn’t recognize marijuana when he sees it!

    MT: Yeah, that’s what I’d do if charged by an angry bear — drop my hunting rifle and try to outrun the ferocious 1000-pound carnivore known to be able to run at a top speed of 40 mph. I can only imagine Elizabeth and Mike are each thinking “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun him/her!”

    MW: Dear Wendy, I need your help! I can’t go on like this anymore! My fat, pasty dad is dragging me and his embarrassing combover on an unwanted trip all over Italy, at the pinnacle of which, I will be forced to be a guest of his old college buddy, whom I suspect of being a sexual predator! Please, Wendy, if I have to watch him eat one more bologna and mayo sandwich, I’m going to snap!

    RMMD: Can someone clue me in, because I am totally not getting what is surprising here, except the fact that Foster would drop $25 grand on the undeserving Rex Morgan. The only one who looks suspicious here is Rex.

    Blondie: Like the rest of you, I immediately Googled “When is this stinkin’ workday ever gonna be over?!” I was sadly disappointed by the quality of the results.

  59. TheDiva
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    A3G: I love how Nina’s expression is less “Oh no, my worst fears are coming true and my delivery is going horribly wrong!” and more “Wait, I’m forgetting something…did I leave the light on in the other room?”

    Lio: Awwwww.

    Luann: Luann doesn’t want Quill to be her “boyfriend” because she doesn’t want to be heartbroken when he goes back home, but she’s okay having sexytimes with him. And Tiffany is supposed to be the slutty character why, exactly?

    MT: Panel two is a thing of beauty.

    MW: “A suicide? Hoo-ah! I’ve hit the meddling jackpot!”

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “If people think my scantily-clad, long-limbed, provocatively-posed, double-entendre-spewing female characters actually have anything to do with sex, it’s their own fault.”

    SM: “No really, he was actually incapable of hurting you. He’s something of a moron.”

  60. Vanya
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#55):

    later??

  61. Santa Royale With Cheese
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Blondie: It’s official! Google won, we can all stop using Lycos now for our web searches.

  62. phoebes-in-santa fe
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    3-G – the stupid is getting very strong here.

  63. S.Stout
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#59):

    Luann is a big tease. When the moment comes she always freaks out, breaks the fourth wall, and tells the reader that sex is bad. Then her love interest leaves the country in disgust.

  64. Marc
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Vanya (#60): Or in mid drawing.

  65. Jim North
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    A3G: Even though it was never, like, a lot or anything, I’d swear Bolle used to care at least somewhat that the facial expressions in Apartment 3-G matched what was being said. Every time I read the comic lately, however, it’s like watching a particularly bad high school play staged entirely by kids who thought they were going to be getting an easy A.

    Blondie: Damn! It woulda be hella cool if this had been a tie-in for some neat Google-based tomfoolery, but alas, no such luck. Ah well. *types in ‘do a barrel roll’* Wheeeeee!

    Crank: Sorry, Crankshaft. The cat only speaks “cat”, not “stupid old bastard”.

    DT: Wow. This turned into a porno so fast, I think I got whiplash. Of the penis.

    GT: Milford loses yet another season of some sport. How do they keep getting funding again? I mean honestly, I know there are sometimes low schools on the sports totem pole, but surely that’s just in one or two of the sports they take part in and the rest they do pretty well at, right? Surely a school that is uniformly awful at every sport they’re in for so many years in a row would eventually just stop wasting their money. Money that could readily be spent on more non-mainstream forms of competition with other schools, like chess, debate, and quiz teams. Not that Milford would do any better at these endevors, of course, but it would be a nice change of pace to watch them lose horribly at something different, y’know?

    HtH: Haha! It’s funny because her cloaca had to have been stretched to a point far beyond any rational concept of pain!

    Jumble: As amusing as it is to see Sonny tapping Cher’s ass like a goddamned caveman, I have to call shenanigans on account of “Cher” here not being twenty feet taller than “Sonny”.

    Hah! I got to make a “Cher is taller than Sonny” joke! Gotta give the Jumble props today for helping set that up, at least.

    MT: JESUS CHRIST, IT’S A BEAR! GET IN THE PLANE!

    RMMD:What?!” Rex bellows out in shock. “Why are you still talking?! I said you answered my question already! GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR!

  66. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    shy Golden pup.

    kitteh defense system is set on ottermatic.

    bear AIR cavalry. We are SO screwed.

    a response to today’s Jumble.

    Yoda-based rofls.

    bamf. (old-skool geekery + modern anime ref = win)

    serious otter is serious.

    couch corgi.

    meanwhile, in ‘Nam.

  67. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#35): re Nancy alert: dat azzz!

  68. pugfuggly
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    FW
    Here they come…
    The old men in the bright white subaru!
    thrusting their guts in the air,
    Who do they think they are?
    And where did they get that car?

    (and in case you’re not canadian )

    @Jim North (#65):

    re: MT A plane won’t help, that’s clearly a flying bear.

  69. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

  70. navigator
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Today, Luann made me want to throw up while punching things repeatedly. In any artistic medium, but especially in a comic strip, this is a sign that you might want to step up your game a little.

  71. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: Gee thanks a bunch for taking us there.

    GT: “Two inches more and I could have been Mr. Big” isn’t what you say on the bench, it’s what you think quietly to yourself at the urinal.

    MT: Local Bush Pilot Mike Harris doesn’t have to outrun the bear. He just has to outrun the Widow Chavez. Then I guess turn the page in his little black book the next time he wants a date.

    MW: Clown-9 could easily park his duck car in this plane’s overhead compartment. I want to fly on this alternate universe’s wondrous airlines.

    WofI: Original thought balloon in last panel, “I miss shit.”

    Archie: “Archie, why are you a girl from the waist down?”
    “It’s complicated.”

    Popeye: War, huh, what is it good for? According to some, it’s real good for impressing your boyfriend.

    JP: Nice, Avery. But you might as well go the whole Mark Trail hog and say “This will be a good shot for the fishing journal.”

    RMMD: “Excuse me Doctor Morgan, are you all right? You seem to have just transformed into a Hummel figurine.”

    BB: What is wrong with this picture? Well, here’s a list of things that Miss Buxley is missing for her day at the beach:
    1. Sunscreen
    2. Sunglasses
    3. Mosquito repellant
    4. Not Beetle

    DT: “Kadaver, why are you flashing them? Ugh, you’re our worst hire ever!”

    6C: Ah, the secret life of gastropods. May it always stay that way.

    PBS: Between this and Lio, it’s a big week for maternal abandonment.

    Luann: Mike Nichols, Dustin Hoffman, and Anne Bancroft all want it known that they had nothing to do with this scene.

    M-Dawg: Okay, so Dottie just walked in on some scene of unspeakable depravity that involved Marmaduke licking something that isn’t a stamp. Commence screaming.

    OBH: Now Avis thinks there’s been a horrible taffy-pulling accident.

  72. seismic-2
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    FW: Funky apparently doesn’t know that the currently fashionable term for whiskey that hasn’t aged in the barrel long enough to turn brown is “White Dog”, not “White Lightning”. I suspect, however, that all those beat-downs he’s been getting lately are due not so much to his car’s nickname as to its IH8COPS vanity license plate. Naturally, I’m hoping he never replaces it.

  73. Esther Blodgett
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    FW: Since Funky’s sweet new ride appears to be a white Volvo sedan, I suggest he name it “FML.”

    Luann: In the real world, the entire conversation would consist of two words rhyming with “pets duck.”

    Blondie: The sad thing is, it took the writer 15 years to come up with this punchline. I can hardly wait for the upcoming string of jokes about the Y2K bug.

  74. Balto
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    H&L: Trixie, you’ve been a helpless infant since the Korean War…if you haven’t made any progress in 60 years, it ain’t gonna happen. For that matter, Dawg has gotta be something like 420 in dog years…?

  75. Joshua
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#65): GT: What makes you think that Milford is uniformly awful at every sport? They may not win the championships, but they often make it to the playdowns. Whatever those are.

    (But seriously, as long as the money is there, a series of losing records isn’t going to deter a public high school in the U.S. from maintaining a sport.)

  76. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#73):

    Luann: In the real world, the entire conversation would consist of two words rhyming with “pets duck.”

    Sets puck? They’re gonna play hockey?

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Vanya (#6): blondie: Why would anyone type stinkin’? The apostrophe takes more work than just typing the “g”.

    Well, no, not really more work. On a standard QWERTY keyboard, the apostrophe is on the home key row. For a touch typist, that is one key to the right of the right pinky. The “g” is one key to the right of the left index finger. Equal amount of work, and no shift key required for the apostrophe.

    On a Dvorak keyboard according to pictures I’ve seen*, both the apostrophe and the “g” are one row up from the home row, so same difference.

    For a hunter & pecker, all keys are the same amount of work whatever kind of keyboard is used.

    So the only explanation is that Dagwood is writing in a Hootin’ Holler type dialect in order to confuse his boss. In Hootin’ Holler, an apostrophe is required as a substitute for “g” in a word ending in “ing” in all written material. Recall the parson’s church sign. They even have a special translation of the Bible starting, “In th’ beginnin’ Gawd created Heav’n ‘n earth.” The hill folk are proud of the way they speak.

    * In 4 plus decades as a typist and computer hobbyist and technician, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Dvorak keyboard in real life. Weird.

  78. DAS
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Josh,

    “I hope Dawg can wait that long” being a “poignant reminder that our pets’ lifespans are shorter than ours” would be the meaning of this if the strip involved where Funky Winkerbean, in which case the context of the strip would be that Dawg already had cancer, etc. Of course, if this were a Marvin strip, Dawg would be desperate to poop rather than to pee or get it on with the female dog or whatever it is that has Dawg all worked up.

  79. brendancalling
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Luann is just the worst today. In the real world, Quill would already have her shirt off and might have a hand down her pants.

    But since it’s Luann, either she’ll decide that sex is bad (right before her parents come home), or they’ll be caught in the act. Probably the former.

  80. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#77): Now we know why Dagwood’s contracts are bad.

  81. seismic-2
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    GT: Guys, when someone tells you, “Well, we lost the championship, but just wait until next year!”, it doesn’t necessarily mean for you to wait in the dugout.

  82. Killa Hydrilla
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#34): Mark chooses F.) Punching

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#71):

    I want to fly on this alternate universe’s wondrous airlines.

    I guess that dimension’s Eisenhower opted for federal airways over federal highways, but to pay for it, housing subsidies took a big hit. That’s why Santa Royale has efficiency condos and slums and nothing in between.

    @Balto (#74): Speaking of parallel universes, in both Hi & Lois and Family Circus the Cuban Missile Crisis went the other way. The now sterile adult population compensates by keeping ageless android children as pets.

  83. Dartpaw86
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    I’m surprised the computers in Blondie at least look modern. I’m surprised the writer didn’t draw in an Amiga or Tandy.

  84. Esther Blodgett
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#76): Bets buck. They’re going to play the lottery.

  85. pugfuggly
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#76):

    ‘vet’s truck’: they’re going to go around picking up sick animals.

  86. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#65): GT: Milford loses yet another season of some sport. @Joshua (#75):

    This is one of the few things I actually admire about GT. In any sort of fantasy fiction, the temptation to have your heros – the protagonists you focus on and with whom your readers presumably empathise with – win the big one every time must be very strong. Rubin & Whigham resist this, and it’s refreshing.

    Can you imagine a Judge Parker story line where any of the regulars actually lose money or property in some deal or other, or are humiliated at the end of the arc? Me neither.

  87. Dartpaw86
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#73):

    Your Blondie comment was the first to make me literally laugh out loud. I hope you get the top comment :D

  88. Hogenmogen
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#85): Mets suck!

    They’re Yankee fans.

  89. Dartpaw86
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Balto (#74):

    Helpless? She is friends with Ra the Sun God who no doubt lends her powers to smite her enemies whenever she wishes, thus she had no need to grow up.

  90. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#80): We, and J.C. Dithers, can only be grateful he doesn’t use R=R phonetic dialect.

  91. Donkey Hotey
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    I am horrified to see that Funky’s new car is a Volvo. I drive a Volvo.

    I may have to kill myself now.

  92. Dood
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Dagwood: Used to be, Dagwood would just consult his Magic 8 Ball for the answer. Is Google’s “Page unavailable” a form of “Ask again later”?

  93. geekwhisperer
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    MT While I understand Chavez and Harris must get bored of killing straight up with a gun and all, trying to annoy the bear to death with “jazz hands” while innovative is unlikely to actually work.

    MW Mary’s introduction to the numerical vastness of desperate sad sacks on the Internet creates a singularity in the Meddleverse.

  94. Chance
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#61): I’m a DuckDuckGo fan.

  95. Mibbitmaker
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#73): “Gets luck”? No, that would be in Judge Parker.

  96. Lynn
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Donkey Hotey, just don’t try to kill yourself in your Volvo. All those safety features and all, you know.

  97. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#93):

    MT While I understand Chavez and Harris must get bored of killing straight up with a gun and all, trying to annoy the bear to death with “jazz hands” while innovative is unlikely to actually work.

    Sometimes it works.

  98. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Mets Suck. They are Phillies fans.

  99. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#88):

    Refresh, great minds, yadda yadda.

    At least Philly is in the right league.

  100. Elk Meadow
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    Dawn’s pregnant.

    So far this year, we’ve had the Doonesbury, Apt. 3G, and 9 Chickweed Lane. At this rate, by the end of the year, Dennis the Menace will have a sibling and the Family Circus’ kids will be commenting on their mom’s baby bump.

  101. Mibbitmaker
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    A&J: You’re no Sam Driver, Cap’n.

    BC: No, I didn’t “get” that at all.

    9CL: She literally wants to kill someone!

    JP: … or High Times magazine.

    Luann: Forget it, you two! You’ll never have sex in this strip. See? — Your creator is already coming between you!

    MW: Wilbur, Put Away That Cliche!
    Meanwhile, Mary thinking or saying “Oh, dear!” is inherently funny.

    PBS:
    Dinky’s mom regretted not getting a birdie abortion — offering Dinky up as an omlet.

    Glibporn: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Brooke had a friend HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…….!

    Popeye: Who wrote this? Michael Moore?!

    6C: Wow, he moves fast for a snail!

  102. Chance
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#77): “For a hunter & pecker, all keys are the same amount of work whatever kind of keyboard is used.”

    Not strictly true; but you being an accomplished typist will probably not know this. As a 40-year veteran of two-finger huntin’ and peckin’ (at 60-80 wpm) who has always used keyboards as a big part of his life’s work, I may have a better perspective on this than an actual typist.

    There are two factors at work in determining how difficult a keystroke is: the muscle memory of common letter clusters (for example the automatic comma-space combo), and the distance between keys. The former is fairly negligible. So the distance between the keys is what’s important here. The distance between the n and the g is shorter than the distance between the n and the ‘, so actually it is slightly more work to write in the Hootin’ holler dialect.

  103. Perky Bird
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    When Tommie arrives, she’ll be horrified to see a tiny human emerging from Nina’s nether regions, instead of baby owls. I mean, that’s why it’s called a “hoo-hoo,” isn’t it?

  104. Chance
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Killa Hydrilla (#82): “I guess that dimension’s Eisenhower opted for federal airways over federal highways, but to pay for it, housing subsidies took a big hit. That’s why Santa Royale has efficiency condos and slums and nothing in between.”

    Brilliant exegesis!

  105. odinthor
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G. — Nina is referring to her convictions about the Parthenon friezes being in the British Museum. Tommie will not be able to help with this.

    Garfield. — Let the Book of Books be opened. Let the Recording Angel sit poised to write. Let it be written that I laughed—not once, but twice—at Garfield today. Now let the Book of Books be carefully placed on a remote shelf in a very dark corner. Thank you.

    Luann. — Hilarity ensues when Luann’s parents come home unexpectedly and find L & Q cracking wise together in the bedroom. Either that or L finds that Q has a decided preference for Puddles. Ha ha! Who doesn’t?

    MT. — Mark’s successful plan is a gauge of his goal-oriented nature. While the bear indeed took care of the bad guys—goal achieved—unfortunately first it ate Mark. “Maybe I will have to work out the kinks in that plan!” thought Mark, comfortably digesting in the bear’s cozy stomach.

    RMMD. — Rex, you shore got purty lips…

  106. NoahSnark
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Today’s Gil Thorp has been brought to you by the word innuendo. When you want to tell dick jokes in a newspaper comic without being fired innuendo will save the day!

  107. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Chance (#102): You are right… I didn’t think of that. In fact, the most frequently used letters in English, (ETAONRISH, in order of frequency) are, with the exception of the “O”, clustered over on the left side of the QWERTY keyboard.

    So, @Vanya (#6): are you of the hunting and pecking tribe?

    // Maybe a Dvorak keyboard would help!

  108. Poteet
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

  109. Calico
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Haha, Gil Thorp is crossing over into Westview territory!
    Also, there’s a not-so-subtle joke about loser kid’s tiny, tiny penis.

  110. Alex
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    I could almost forgive the set-up in Luann today if Unattainable Dream Object Number — what are we up to now, four? — had said, “Come into my web said the spider, et cetera,” referencing “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls” and launching into camp melodrama. Of course, unlike Evans Russ Meyers wasn’t a tease and had a self-aware sense of humor.

    Also, to paraquote Uncle Lumpy: “Because we’re yammering like idiots” equals Luann, perfected. You can stop now.

  111. DebiDawg
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    BB: What am I missing in Beetle Bailey? “I like the view of the water from down here” – what kind of perspective is that? And I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this…

  112. Lenoxus
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    If we interpret Dawg’s behavior here as particularly doggish, if you know what I mean, and furthermore assume that Dawg is heterosexual, then today’s H&L is a first in comics history: a depiction of a dog (the one being walked) who is female without either having long eyelashes or being a poodle. But since this interpretation makes it less of a family strip, it is sadly unlikely to be the case.

  113. Poteet
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    FW — Under what circumstances would this name actually be used? “Well, gotta go take White Lightning over to the K-Mart and pick up some Dulcolax.”

  114. bbofun
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    GT-”Two inches more an i’d have been Mr. Big!” “Nah, you’d need a least a foot more for that.” How the hell big is that guy’s cock?

    Reminds me of a story a female friend told me. she was once with a guy who turned out to be, well, ENORMOUS. She said she took one look and said “What am I suppose to do with that? put it on my shoulder and burp it?”

    JP- I don’t know why everyone’s assuming Avery doesn’t know that’s marijuana. He’s obviously been to Matthew McConaughey’s place, so, to him, this is just “a nice garden”.

    (Quick question- was “McConaughey” a funnier choice than “Woody Harrelson”? I was honestly torn.)

    Quick prediction for Funky Winkerbean- since we aren’t following Les and Summer’s trip, we’re, instead, going to be subjected in a month or so to a “slide-show” of their adventures, which should take 2 weeks or so to get through.

  115. Calico
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and Mary Worth is going to get a very quick tutorial in suicide prevention.

    (Seriously, as we all know this is a sad and troublesome phenomenon-our buddy Martin Levac of the band Dance Into the Light is a warrior for youth suicide prevention, having lost someone close by their own hand. If this is going to be the storyline in MW, I hope Moy does her homework thoroughly.)

  116. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#115): I hope Moy does her homework thoroughly.

    I’m sure she’ll find something on BrainyQuotes.

  117. Calico
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    CS is actually kind of funny today. Our Tortie does take care of the small vermin, but she and the squirrels only tease each other, and she knows better than to catch them.

    FW – Just call it “Squirrel Nut Zipper” and be done with it.

  118. Evelyn Quince
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Ohh, this won’t do! Our deliciously bawdy tale of euphemistic ‘music making’ is turning into rank pornography! I won’t have it! You’ve *ruined* it for me!
    We’ll have to leave it for this week, dear viewers. Tune in for our next ‘Tales of Ribaldy’ for “The Lady Firefighter and the Hot Dog Merchant”. It promises to be *delightfully* naughty!

  119. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#116): Got it:

    “Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
    Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
    Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give;
    Gas smells awful; You might as well live.”

    Abraham Lincoln.

  120. Droopy Says
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    MT: Bushpilotmikeharris knows that if he shoots Trail, the local sheriff will blame Tomjohnson. But if Harris shoots Bearly Awake, he’ll have to outrun an enraged naturalist and wildlife expert. And no, Harris wouldn’t need to simply outrun the Widow Chavez. He knows Mark Trail doesn’t chase after women.

  121. pugfuggly
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#115):

    It just occurred to me that we’re getting dangerously close to a prediction made by the Simpsons 17 years ago concerning “a very rare Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide”.

    If that is the case, I expect she’ll be quoting the M*A*S*H theme song.

  122. Gringo
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Late to the party today, but I hope for the love of god that someone here has pointed out the raw sexual banter of Panel 2 in today’s Gil Thorp.

  123. Illustrator Steve
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    MT – (Mike Harris is shouting out loud to himself): “OH NO! The rifle hit the ground and fired a bullet smack dab into the widow Chavez! The noise scared the bear away, but now Mark HAS the rifle and is gunning for me! WHAT will I do?!! …I know! In order to calm down I will chew another piece of this gum that I chew in order to quit smoking! Since there are no trash cans on this small island I will simply drop the gum wrapper on the ground whle trying to make my getaway! Hey, WAIT a minute, now that Trail’s fingerprints are on the rifle that killed the widow Chavez it means that I am in the clear!”
    BAM! BAM! BAM!
    “ON NO! Mark just shot my last piece of nicotine gum out of my hand! WHAT will I ever do now?!!”

  124. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Killa Hydrilla (#82):

    That’s why Santa Royale has efficiency condos and slums and nothing in between.

    Unfortunately we don’t see much of the latter. The current storyline could be enlivened with a few cutaways to impoverished persons saying, “I think there might still be a few flecks of tuna on this lid.”

  125. A Smirch Unheeded
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119): Abraham Lincoln also said, “The trouble with quotations you find on the Internet is you can never be sure if they are accurate.”

    // “Lincoln did not die in vain, you know. He died in Washington, D.C.”*

    // *Franklin Roosevelt, in one of his Firesign chats.

  126. Liam
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-Nuff said.

    FW-I was going to call it White Lightning but that was my porn name back in the Seventies.

    MW-”Oh dear. I have no idea how to operate one of these computer devices. If I knew that it would involve a computer device I would have turned down Wilbur’s offer.”

    MW 2-”Dear Wendy, I need your help. I can’t go on like this anymore. My father and I are going on a trip to Italy together but I don’t want to go with him. He is a creepy man who writes an advice column as a woman, I hate to think what else he does as a woman, and has an obsession for sandwiches. He keeps insisting that we are going to have fun. We are at the runway right now and I am wondering if I should get off the plane right now or hijack it when are in the air and crash it into the ground.”

    A3G-”You’re right I don’t understand. My job in this thing is to put something inside of you not to carry it around for nine months.

    MT-In the back of the cave you will find the mauled bloody body of Mark Trail.

  127. Erik
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

  128. cartooncritic2544
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @brendancalling (#79): since it’s Luann, either she’ll decide that sex is bad (right before her parents come home), or they’ll be caught in the act. Probably the former.Since it’s Luann, she’ll decide sex is bad and her parents will catch her in the act of something they THINK is sex. Hijinks will ensue and the mom will demand to see Quill’s bank account before deciding if they should let Quill have his way.

  129. Marc
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Jets suck. They’re Bills fans.

  130. A Smirch Unheeded
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#123): VERY good, sir!

    // Except, that term you use, “nicotine gum.” I’m not sure I understand. Could you rephrase it?

  131. Calico
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119):
    Lincoln? Really?
    It is my understanding he was depressive. A lot of great minds are.
    We have that goddamn video poker here in QC, and it doesn’t do one bit of good for anyone. Blood money IMO.
    http://www.radio-canada.ca/emissions/pour_le_plaisir/2011-2012/document.asp?idDoc=203356

    OK, now I shall stop being all Funky/Cranky and say I’m really enjoying Avery in the middle of all that hooch! LOL He is, as a family friend once said of another family friend, “delightfully dotty.”

  132. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#130): “Nicotine Gum” was a Burlesque stripper who smoked and chewed gum at the same time.

    // Quite limber of her, I must say.

  133. SurrealKangaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    I originally read Hi and Lois the way you did.

  134. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Well, the interview went way better than I could ever have expected, but there’s some tough competition, so it’s just a waiting game now.

    In the meantime, here are my thanks for the well-wishes from yesterday.

    @Dennis Jimenez (#Y76): How on Earth did you know that would come up? Apparently financial sites dealing with mortgages and interest rates are closely affiliated with broken glass figurines, and when she asked about it I was completely unable to answer. If only I’d been able to access CC during the interview, where several ‘Mudgeons did the spade work and found the answer.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#78): For some reason that doesn’t work for me. I’m as smug as they come, yet people never throw money my way. They just say things like, “Hey, you smug bastard! Quit panhandling outside of my shop!” Maybe you need a couple of million dollars in seed money before the smugness works.

    @Esther Blodgett (#Y79): Actually, it was a cat. Not so good at the typing, but seeing as how it’s a tiny white kitten, I think its adorableness might just give it the edge. Especially as it already lives at the office.

    @Erich Clapton (#Y82):

    Buenos Suerte!

    That’s Spanish for “Good Sutures,” right? Thanks. I think.

    @Chance (#Y317):

    Good luck.

    Thanks, but — no good wishes for the sutures?

    @Shrug (#Y147): @geekwhisperer (#Y150): There are two rules by which I live. One I learned from Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and that’s, “Never go anywhere without a knife.” The other I learned from Mark Trail, and that’s, “You should always have a bear that is not awake handy in case you should run across the kinds of situations people run into when they’re trying to quit smoking, because that would make a good story.”

  135. Borborygmy
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#122): I would not have believed it – but this is the same strip that gave us newspaper comic’s first MILF a few days ago.

  136. Marc
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#121): Those were my thoughts exactly.

  137. McManx
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#42): LOL! So that’s what keeps happening to my shoes…

  138. Baka Gaijin
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Any minute now the Steelcase salesman will shoo Dawn and Wilbur for scaring off other office cubicle buyers, then will realize the folly of his ways and seat them in the cheapo “toilet stall but shorter walls” model.

  139. Illustrator Steve
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    MT – (Mark Trail makes it back to the sheriff’s office): “Sheriff, the story goes like this… I found this gum wrapper,see? I found out the gum wrapper is the kind that people chew in order to quit smoking. I discovered that the gum wrapper belongs to Mike Harris, wh is a very popular bush pilot in our community. I went and confronted Mike Harris and he took off in his float plane and chased me and shot at me with his rifle while I was paddling my canoe at a good clip! Then I jumped onto a small island in the middle of a Gerogia river. Then I found a cave to hide in with a grizzly bear, WHOM I thought would be able to help me. The bear roared and flew through the air startling Harris and the widow Chavez. Harris dropped his rifle while he and widow Chavez ran away! Now, please release my best fishing buddy, Gene Jackson!”

    (Sheriff Jim): “Who writes this stuff?”

  140. A Smirch Unheeded
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#132): Did she ever work with the plus-sized burlesque star, Lotsa Stuff? (Muffaroo knows her.) You could learn a lot from Lotsa.

  141. Dale
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#107):

    On a real typewriter isn’t/wasn’t the apostrophe somewhere on the very top row?

  142. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#114):

    (Quick question- was “McConaughey” a funnier choice than “Woody Harrelson”? I was honestly torn.)

    Either is good. It’s pretty evident that even stoners come bigger in Texas.

  143. Nick Danger
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#125): Was that the chat where he promised “Shoes for Industry! Shoes for the dead!”?

  144. Red Greenback
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

  145. geekwhisperer
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Erik (#127):when was this from? Holy Hell, it has the Widow Chavez, the bear and all. Is this how all Jack Elrod’s sexual fantasies end? Is he in the Bear suit? Do I want to know?

  146. Killa Hydrilla
    June 27th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#124): Yeah, I’m not sure of the last story where we saw the slums of Santa Royale. I think it was either Lonnie: Drunken Avenger or the Return of the Prodigal Not-Son.

    @Liam (#126): Hell, I thought “Funky Winkerbean” was his porn name!

    @Illustrator Steve (#139):

    Who writes this stuff?

    A five-year-old? With head trauma? On acid?

  147. Snarkotix Addict
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    BB In spite of his professed preference for his view of Miss Buxley’s bottom, Beetle is as flat as that beach blanket – no bulge, no bump, no Mr. Big.

    FC “Why don’t you ever give Mommy and Daddy some of the change from your purse, Grandma?”
    Because Mommy routinely steals the bills from Grandma’s purse and Daddy has pretty much drained all her bank accounts.

    MW Mary encounters a basic flaw in her plan to be “Wendy.” As Santa Royale’s Chief Busybody, she already knows everyone’s problems and easily recognizes their letters.

    A3G “Something is wrong!”
    And that pretty much sums up this story.

    MT “Come on out, Trail. There’s no way you can escape this time!”
    “In a minute, Harris. Bear with me.”

  148. Illustrator Steve
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#130): “…that term you use, “nicotine gum”. I’m not sure I understand. Could you rephrase it?”

    Of course I’ll rephrase it for you. HOW does this sound….”the kind of gum wrapper people chew in order to try and quit smoking.”
    There, that DOES sound much better! Sorry about that, WHAT must I have been thinking?!!

  149. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#140): Unfortunately, Ms. Gum died of emphysema and bad teeth before Lotsa got to know her.

    // Lotsa was asked to perform her famous “Puréed Rutabaga” dance at the funeral. Lotsa declined the gig citing bad taste.

  150. Killa Hydrilla
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#147):

    BB In spite of his professed preference for his view of Miss Buxley’s bottom, Beetle is as flat as that beach blanket – no bulge, no bump, no Mr. Big.

    If only he had two inches more. Or even just two inches.

  151. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#141): I’ll be darned! Just checked my old manual Royal. The apostrophe is above the 8 on the top row. The key next to the semi colon/colon (pinky position) is cent symbol/@.

    Same for my IBM Selectric. So the current configuration must have come in with the IBM PC, maybe.

  152. bunivasal
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    I was going to ask why Dithers is standing there, watching Dagwood with curiosity and confusion, until I realized that of course the ancient walrus has had illegal key-logging software since… whatever this company is called seriously who cares… has had typewriters.

  153. Red Greenback
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    H&J: That guy probably has a Turkish garage door, too.

  154. Baka Gaijin
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    As they’re waiting for takeoff in the widest wide body plane ever made, Dawn slips what appears to be a random collection of shiny black wooden pieces out of her pink carry on with the big white daisy on the side. Without affect she swiftly assembles the pieces into an ersatz revolver that she slips into her father’s back pocket as he stands to flag down a flight attendant to order yet another mayonnaise sandwich. The undercover TSA agent onboard tackles and hogties Wilbur in one fell swoop. The last Dawn sees of her protesting dad is on a United Airlines hand truck pushed down the aisle, eyes settling on watching the porter’s cute ass shifting to and fro in his tight polyester uniform pants.

  155. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    OBH — “Off with their heads!”

    FW — “But the more I thought about it… I’m an alcoholic and I don’t want to name my car after a highball drink!”

  156. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#131): Step over here where no one can hear us.

    ** Good. We’re alone. It was actually Dorothy Parker. But I posted it to BrainyQuotes as Lincoln, let’s see if KM picks it up! Ok, let’s get back to the group before anyone notices. **

    So THEN he said, “I’ve got a great idea for a cartoon – wanna hear it?” HA!

  157. Snarkotix Addict
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#128): @brendancalling (#79):
    since it’s Luann, either she’ll decide that sex is bad (right before her parents come home), or they’ll be caught in the act. Probably the former.
    Since it’s Luann, she’ll decide sex is bad and her parents will catch her in the act of something they THINK is sex. Hijinks will ensue and the mom will demand to see Quill’s bank account before deciding if they should let Quill have his way.

    Oh, they’ll get caught at something (but it won’t be in flagrante delicto). Remember, because Luann is math-challenged, she thinks she has 3 hours to pull this off (pun intended), instead of just two. So her calculated teasing for 3 hours will be interrupted by Mother deGroot. Of course, the reality of teen sex is that Quill would spill in under 5 minutes…. Well… okay… please excuse me while I stare at the sun for an hour to burn away that image.

  158. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    3G – “Something is wrong” indeed. Scott letting Tommie be Nina’s midwife is probably a plot to commit murder by incompetence.

    Beetle – Buxley’s impossible pose in panel 2 shows why you should pencil before you ink. And don’t draw your characters in last.

    Gasoline – Meta joke! (It has to be. The lettering isn’t messed up.)

  159. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    FW: For some reason, the car reminds me of the movie “Crazy People” with Dudley Moore…

    http://www.ridelust.com/wp-content/uploads/t-shirt-back-resized.jpg

  160. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#140): I remember Lotsa Stuff. She was a big blonde foodie, who used to hang out with Little Dot Polka over at Harvey Comics.

  161. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#154): Channelling Dingo again?

  162. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Judge – “This will make a great article!” Be sure and mark your trail, Avery.

    love is… – …being stumped for the right rhyme for “creepy.”

    Oliphaunt – Wait a sec. Where’s the penguin? Did he die? Is that why the same panel was up for, like, a week or two? (Or did the syndicate cut the bottom of the strip off?)

    Rip – Speaking of which, 223 hours and counting!

    XKCD – Ouch.

  163. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Little A. (#y306): What more could snarkers want?
    You’d think that, maybe, but if terrible writing and hideous art was enough, we’d all be discussing “Reply All” here every day. There’s got to be some golden zone between awfulness and competence that makes things snarkworthy. Either that or the effort of looking at a sufficiently bad strip just isn’t worth it for any but the most die-hard snarketeer.

    Outrunning Bears – Might as well give this its own thread. Actually, that old bear doesn’t have to outrun anybody. If Mike and Lizardbreath don’t run straight back into his jaws, he’s already got a warm one back in the cave.

    @Mibbitmaker (#26): Plus, he pooped on the Marvin strip on the funny page, just because.
    I think the words you want are “crap magnet.”

  164. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#57): Well, we might find out. I was clicking on people’s names here yesterday, and one of the posters who seemed new was linked to a web site that I seem to recall was for the book of Mr. Boomer. I could be remembering wrong, though. It happened once before, from 1978 to 1985.

    @Jim North (#65): I use an off-brand search engine. I typed in “Do a barrel roll” and it said, “Yes, it do.”

    @Illustrator Steve (#148): HOW does this sound….”the kind of gum wrapper people chew in order to try and quit smoking.”
    Isn’t that the kind of wrapper people chew in order to try and quit gum?

  165. Illustrator Steve
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Killa Hydrilla (#146): “WHO writes this stuff?” “A five year old? With head trauma? On acid?”

    So, by narrowing it down from your discription, that leaves only one person who could possibly fit the bill, RUSTY TRAIL! (see below)

    5 year old? (CHECK!) Rusty is an 11 year old who acts like a five year old.

    Head truama? (CHECK!) The result of Rusty banging his head against the old fishing dock after years of rejection and broken promises of going fishing!

    On acid? (CHECK!) Just one LOOK at Rusty is proof enough of that!

    Yeah, it’s Rusty who writes those plot lines allright. You had him pegged all along!

  166. Señor Tortilla
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    JP: Add another dash mark as to the “Avery’s a fraud” prediction.

    GA: Given how Darkgate has some weird version up where Skeezix finds himself in a house filling up with strange smoke, I’d say today’s “punchline” is strangely appropriate.

    Luann: BARF

  167. The Ghost of Jarrod
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#114):
    Exactly. Why would Avery see anything weird about a massive pot farm? “Well! This is quite the garden! I’m going to have to see the owner about purchasing these crops. I just cut the budget of Another Friday After Next Friday by 73 percent!”

  168. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#151): Ok, the IBM PC, the Apple IIc, and the TI-99 4/A have the apostrophe/quote mark next to the semicolon key, and the asterisk over the 8 on the top row.

    The TRS-80 has the RETURN key next to the semicolon, and the + symbol over the 8. Tandy always marched to a different percussionist. And the Commodore 64 is… also interesting.

  169. saluki
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    When I read Ziggy in this morning’s paper I knew Josh would comment on it. I am a little disappointed though because I thought it would be more along the lines of “Watch out Marvin, there’s a new sheriff in town”.

  170. Santa Royale With Cheese
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#69): Before Google came along and you know, worked, my search engine of choice was HotBot. It got the closest to the mark without having to scroll through miles of irrelevant results. Ah memories… (harp music)

  171. Illustrator Steve
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#137): “LOL! So that’s what keeps happening to my shoes…”

    Believe it or not, that “walk a mile in their shoes” comment appeared about ten years ago in an old Ann Landers or Dear Abby column. I hadn’t known she had that kind of sense of humor. I found it extrememly funny, though I suppose some would be offended at it if they had no sense of humor.
    Here it is one more time…..
    “Before talking about someone you must first walk a mile in their shoes. Than when you talk about them you will be a mile away, plus you will have their shoes!”

    Come to think of it…..WHERE THE HELL ARE MY SHOES!

  172. Baka Gaijin
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#161): Is that such a bad thing?

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#168): Your computer goes “ticketa ticketa” when you type, admit it.

    @Illustrator Steve (#171): I’ve got your shoes. It’s more like a few thousand miles instead of a single one, but whatever. Ever thought about shining these things once in a while?

  173. Liam
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Killa Hydrilla (#146):

    You’re thinking of Fucky Wankerbone.

  174. Calico
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#156):
    Ha, nice one! *voice down to a whisper again*

    Now here’s some Hollywood-isms from my favorite dog (NSFW):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRvEXp-9VAQ&feature=g-vrec

  175. Calico
    June 27th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#171):
    Whatever you do
    Take care of your shoes

  176. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 27th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Hägar the Horrible — Today’s “Kookamunga” is undoubtedly derived from an old comedy bit Mel Blanc (cast as a train conductor) used to do on Jack Benny’s radio and TV shows:

    “Train leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azusa and Cucamonga!”

    Here’s what Wikipedia had to say about this particular gag:

    In addition to the effectiveness of Blanc’s delivery of the line, the humor rested partly on the fact that the three towns are in different directions and no single train could have served all three. This running gag became so well known that it eventually led to a statue of Benny in Cucamonga.

    And Blanc’s family was probably thinking at the time: “Why the hell did they put up a statue of JACK BENNY? It’s Mel’s bit!”

  177. Killa Hydrilla
    June 27th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#165): Which means that Rusty is the Raoul Duke of the Trailiverse. Woah.

  178. Erich Clapton
    June 27th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#134): Had me a little concerned that “Suerte” meant sutures. . . Suerte = Luck (Sp). Thanks for the stitches (“Hitchhikers” etc)

  179. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 27th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @DebiDawg (#111): What you’re missing, I think, is the artist’s drawer’s scribbler’s desire to get all hot-n-bothered by his own attempt to render Miss Buxley in tantric-sex poses.

  180. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#168): If you want a real adventure, take a look at the ZX Spectrum sometime. Yeesh.

  181. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 27th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#172): “@Nehemiah Scudder (#168): Your computer goes “ticketa ticketa” when you type, admit it.”

    Probably uses a good, 1985-era IBM mechanical DIN-5 keyboard. That “ticketa ticketa” sound you hear is the sound of freedom, my friend.

    (Incidentally, those old IBM keyboards probably make excellent murder weapons.)

  182. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#172): “Your computer goes “ticketa ticketa” when you type, admit it.”

    Oh, I have one of those keyboards. With the F keys on the left. But the one I’m using now goes “ping”. This is my favorite. You see I lease it back from the company I sold it to and that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.

  183. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#176): I’d be interested to know just when Blanc first uttered the “Anaheim, Azusa, and Cuc… amonga” line. There’s a 1940 Mickey Mouse cartoon, MR MOUSE TAKES A TRIP, where Mickey, tripping balls, is… no, sorry, where Mickey is on a train with Black Pete as conductor, and someone at Disney thought that was the first use of the line. I remain unconvinced, as of 2:51 pm.

  184. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    June 27th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    An enraged Grizzly
    Drop the rifle and run fast
    Mark TrIl wins again!

  185. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    So, this nature writer, a bush pilot, and a widow walk into a bear. And the beartender says, “Hey, I’ve got a great idea for a comic strip – wanna hear it?”

  186. Liam
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-Welcome to 2001.

  187. Baka Gaijin
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#182): You play by your own rules. Nina should have the machine that goes “Ping!” She may be pining for the fjords if she doesn’t.

  188. seismic-2
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#176), @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#183): Actually, to get to Rancho Cucamonga from Los Angeles or Hollywood you probably would in fact pass through Azusa on your way there (assuming you start by going to Pasadena and then head east through the San Gabriel Valley), so it’s Anaheim (in Orange County) that would be in a different direction. That’s why the “Disney” theory is appealing: had the Mickey Mouse cartoon come along some 15 or so years later, though, the trip could of course have started in Disneyland, so the first stop (a local one) could indeed have been in Anaheim too. Mickey Mouse and Black Pete (AKA “Peg-Leg Pete”, later known as “Bad Pete”, but now known simply as “Pete” in this more enlightened era) were just acting on insider information about where Walt would eventually build his rodent-based empire.

  189. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#181): Ahh, the Model M. You just. Can’t. Beat. It. I’m not even a hardcore typist and I am amazed by those suckers. I need to get me one of the new PS/2-connector versions, I do…

    A3G – “You don’t understand! Something is wrong! It feels like the baby is going to come out of my you-know-what! It’s way too small for that, isn’t it?” “Don’t look at me, Nina, I didn’t bother to look up any of this stuff, either!”

    C&B – Oh, bravo.

    Curtis – Where the hell do the Wilkinses live, anyway? Aren’t they smack in an urban housing block in a large city? Good luck fishing there. And aren’t they too poor to just head on out to a lake cabin and rent fishing equipment? Or did that pot of money from a previous storyline not vanish down a plot hole after all?

    DT – “I am ready. None can withstand my flasher-fu!”

    HTH – I admit, I laughed. Good one, Browne.

    HN – I want to be announced like that. (I’m lacking in every criteria, particularly the unicorn in a Sherlock Holmes hat, but dammit, I want to be announced like that.)

    JP – “This will make a good story!

    Luann – *VOMIT*

    MT – Oh yes.

    MW – Hey, it looks like I might get my wish after all. Keep up the hilarious sulking, Dawn! Wilbur is here to cheer you up! I bet that makes you feel better!

    Popeye – Well, it took a lot longer than I expected, but Olive’s corruption is no less utter than I would have guessed. Really, was she ever more than a hair or two away from this?

  190. geekwhisperer
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    JP Ok, so let’s review the facts:

    1. Avery has just fallen into a well-cultivated field of Marijuana
    2. He owns his own plane with cross-country capabilities
    3. He lives in Hollywood

    I think we can see where this is going.

  191. tallyHO
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail
    After the bear is finished doing Mark Trail’s job that Mark Trail is doing for the local police, he should have a sit down underneath a shade tree and revel in his accomplishments by having a cigarette.

    If Mike Murderer is left alive, he will hopefully appreciate the irony to seeing this. Mark Trail will then hopefully relax his Fists O’ Justice long enough to help facilitate the likely belly laugh he will have at seeing this sight.

    But then will Mark Trail get all indignant and try to tell the bear to put out the cigarette, because there is no smoking allowed in Lost Forest?!?!?

  192. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#188): You’re Art Fern, right?

  193. This Guy
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    R==R: Rose can always count on her mother for the infantilization she so desperately craves.

  194. Hogenmogen
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#129): Nets suck. They’re Knicks fans.

  195. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#191): If a bear smokes in the woods is he covering up some other odor?

  196. seismic-2
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#192): With Abby Spencer as the Matinee Lady, of course.

  197. Cloudbuster
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#77): The Dvorak keyboard is kind of like Esperanto — a completely sensible thing in theory, but in the real world, completely overwhelmed by mountains of “I’m used to doing it this way.”

  198. Baka Gaijin
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Eureka! I found it! This Mark Trail is happening at the Tonto National Forest.

  199. Cloudbuster
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#84): Mets suck! They’re baseball fans.

  200. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#191):

    Then, the bear will confess that it is trying to quit smoking, even to the extent of getting some of that gum that bears chew when they are trying to quit smoking.

    Mark will pull the still-soggy gum wrapper from his pocket: “I believe this belongs to you?”

    “No”, the bear replies, “I’m no litterbug! But I did see Mike leave that wrapper in the forest!”

    “Perfect! Now all I need is for you to testify to that in court!”

    “Sorry. I could never bear witness against him!”

  201. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

  202. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#198): They named an entire national forest after a sidekick?

  203. Dale
    June 27th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#157):

    Luann deserves all kinds of criticism. But there is no reason to believe she calculated 12-10=3. She said her parents would be gone for at least three hours. She should consider that the meeting might take less than the full two hours.

  204. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#163): Thanks Muffaroo. At least I was the first one to say the obvious.

  205. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#197): Esperanto’s not even sensible in theory, but that’s another rant. [*]

  206. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#198): The guy’s name who was attacked is “Baca.” This could be a slight misspelling. Is there something you’re not telling us?

  207. seismic-2
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#202): And a California State Park is named after the Cisco Kid’s sidekick Pancho, too.

  208. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#207): ~sigh~ And in Texas there’s a Sheldon Lake State Park which must be named after a character on television. It’s even in Houston.

  209. tallyHO
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#205):

    I’m glad you spoke up on this issue, Commodore John.

    I, too, have a bone to pick with something that is not even sensible in theory.

    (deep breath…gotta remain calm….breeeath)

    Okay. Forget about it. It isn’t the most important thing ever. I won’t waste any more time even considering it. I will not go off on another Vespa Rant, yo!

    //see? it was hardly worth it.

  210. tallyHO
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#200):

    ”…getting some of that gum that bears chew when they are trying to quit smoking.”

    Ever since the bear appeared, I have been waiting to see if someone would mention that. If someone else did before you, I missed it. But, man, that is good for a laugh.

    ““Sorry. I could never bear witness against him!”

    Mark realizes he needs to prove his fishing pal’s innocence and apparently he needs to rely upon a confession from the killer. hmmmm…

    Sounds like this case needs an inBEARogation. *

    //* i know, right? lame. I’m forcing ‘em today.

  211. tallyHO
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Henry

    First time I’ve read two of these in a row.

    After yesterday’s gag, you’d think someone else would be blowing the whistle on the bald-headed kid.

  212. Baka Gaijin
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#206): Mayyybe, maybe not.

  213. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    MW — I see Mary has already used Wilbur’s key (which he obligingly left with her) to let herself into his apartment. Which is why she’s sitting at Wilbur’s desk wearing one of Dawn’s purple tops. (The worst part is, the top looks better on Mary than it does on Dawn!)

    Incidentally, Bob ‘Captain Kangaroo’ Keeshan (a/k/a “Aldo Kelrast”) was born on this day in 1927. Yippee!

  214. Calico
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#212):
    The Solar Garlic starts to rot! : D

  215. KreatureFeatures
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Well played, everybody. Another day of top-quality snark on all the best (and worst) comics. What would I do without my daily Curmudgeon fix?

    By the way, I have the sneaking suspicion that Les Moore completed his Kilimanjaro climb, and it all happened off-panel.

  216. Calico
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#199):
    Oh me, my poor poor Mets *cries*
    They got at least 50 homers and a no-hitter this year, right? Still half-assed in comparison to the Yankees. Urgh.
    Long live Rusty Staub!

  217. Calico
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#184):
    I think I finally know where your name comes from – Clarence the Cross-Eyed Lion, amirite? : )

  218. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#210):

    Wait until tomorrow’s strip, in which the bear picks up the rifle dropped by the killer, and, assisted by Mr. Trail, uses it to hunt him down.

    Later, Mark is arrested for allowing the beast to carry and use the weapon (you see where this is going by now)

    He refuses to plea bargain, and eventually prevails in front of the Supreme Court, in what is considered a landmark Second Amendment ruling affirming the right to arm bears.

  219. Marc
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#185): Yes do tell, but only if the story can be told while fishing in an all green boat.

  220. Calico
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#189):
    Re: Curtis – the money from Uncle’s terrine went toward cigarettes. No wonder Pops can’t afford to do anything with/for his family.

  221. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    June 27th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#217): I was caught by the spam catcher a couple days back and was expecting to get the same message so didn’t preview. What can I say but I’m so$rk!

  222. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#188): Pete’s been around since 1925 (he first appeared in a Disney “Alice Comedy”), so he predates Mickey Mouse, and even Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.

  223. Snarkotix Addict
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#189): “It feels like the baby is going to come out of my you-know-what! It’s way too small for that, isn’t it?”

    “Two inches more and I’d have been Mrs. Big!”

  224. Red Greenback
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    FW: Too late, Crazy. The “beat-down” has already taken place. That car was not always white, ya know.

  225. Lenoxus
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Dinny Perez shouldn’t feel so bad. It’s an outrage that the opposing outfielder was given permission to graft his right hand to the fence via some unholy surgical procedure.

  226. tallyHO
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#218):

    A.D. 2050……..

    Law students everywhere study the case of Fuzzy Wuzzy v. Fists of Justice.

    Which means they will also find out that Wilbur Mayonnaise filed a sammichcus brief.

    //forcing….sorry….

  227. tallyHO
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#226):

    And, Cuss Skunk filed a cuss-cus brief

    (He wrote it while eating Couscous, of course. )

    //ahhh. that’s better. not so forced (just as bad but…)

  228. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#223): Lucky I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that…

  229. Girl Reporter
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    I figured the White Lightning joke was that Funky drives for miles in the passing lane, just under the speed limit, with his left-turn signal blinking away.

  230. Der Schnärkïnätör
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    MT – All I want to know is, does the bear shit in the woods?

  231. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#58): Pibgorn/9CL: The thing is, he’s been obsessing about that incident for years now. Basically, Edda’s hot-to-trot mother ended up crawling under a table for some reason I forget and then emerged a panel later to her partner’s pleased delight, which, yes, looked pretty much like she’d gone under to, well, go down.

    But instead of reacting like a normal person, who realizes that they inadvertently drew something that looks dirty, laughs or blushes, and then resolves to be more careful in the future, McE decided to throw a tantrum about the dirty-mindedness of his readers and stomp his foot, sniffing, in essence, “That’s not what I meant to draw, you pervy pervs, so it must be your fault that it looked naughty.”

  232. Liam
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-”We’re going fishing and your the bait.”

  233. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#231): Thing is, whether those initial few instances were innocent or not, by this time his feigned purity is just blatant fucking lies. I’d respect him more if he just copped to it and started drawing out-and-out porn.

  234. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#51): “Mental Poo” — That wouldn’t be “Midget Man of Steel” Mental Poo, by any chance, would it?

  235. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Is it possible this story is a repeat of one done sometime in the ’40s, because back then $25,000 would have meant something, even to a rich person. Maybe not a whole lot, but it would have meant something. Now, however, it’s a month’s maintenance on the Road Queen. Why would Rex even care what happens to such a trivial sum?

  236. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#205): Esperanto was a bad idea given way too much funding and died a deserved death. If you want a language that is truly “global,” start with one particular language, then begin adding to it over the course of centuries from other languages, with words living or dying according to their usefulness. During this time, spread the language across the globe so that people from an increasing number of countries are being raised speaking it, or are learning to speak it as a second language because it is valuable to do so. When the vocabulary of the language has developed to the point that only about two percent of its vocabulary comes from the original language, then you’ve got a natural, organic global language.

    It’s too bad we can’t find a language like that somewhere.

  237. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#231): “You bunch of pervs! It was just a hand job!”

  238. Liam
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    FW-Calling a car “White Lightning” would get you a beat down if you were in high school not if you are a couple of middle aged adults.

  239. This Guy
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#205): There is, of course, the old saw that a good compromise leaves everyone equally unhappy. Language isn’t a good subject for compromise, though.

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#236): I think I may have heard of such a language once. What was it called? It’s on the tip of my tongue…

  240. Cloudbuster
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#205): I stand by my assertion that it’s sensible in theory: a constructed language with a very regular grammar, spelling and syntax that could, in theory, be easily mastered by an average person. The process by which naturally forming languages come to be languages is usually messy and illogical and thus leaves languages full of traps for the unwary student. One of the great exceptions to this rule is German, which is, except for its extremely arbitrary use of gender, a strikingly consistent language — Esperanto fans should probably have spent their effort on promoting German. But, since we live in the real world, and forces other than linguistic logic determine our language choices, German is not the language of diplomacy and international relations, English is. The reasons that is true are logical in their own ways — the difference between theory and practice.

    As for Pascal, it’s not a completely apt comparison, because all computer languages are constructed languages. Some of the same behaviors apply — a language that has wide acceptance is hard to dislodge because there is value in simply being the language that a lot of people already speak, but about as important is whether the language allows you to do what you want to do. Pascal is simply too restrictive and up-tight, and lacks a sufficiently rich library of functions. C is a lot more “laid-back” regarding allowing you to get to the meat of what you want to do. Me, I prefer subsequent generation languages like perl or ruby that are even more flexible about not placing artificial restrictions on achieving your desired outcome. C and its variants still frequently do what you told them to do, instead of what you intended them to do! I also find C’s variable typing frustrating — (“Arg, you mean this is failing because I’m passing it as a pointer to int instead of as a pointer to time_t? It’s a time function, just assume I want that value interpreted as a time_t!”) The best of the next generation languages have a better grasp of intent, so to speak.

    What frustrates me about ruby and perl, is the necessity of including installs of external functions for the interpreter rather than being able to easily produce a standalone binary (I know there are various options out there: “easily” is the key word). That’s not really a problem for in-house coding or web services, where you don’t have to expose or ship the code to customers, but it’s a big problem for selling commercial software.

    Wow, how did I get here? Sorry! Um, boy that Dinny kid from Milford sure sucks!

  241. Zerowolf
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    GT: Nah, we’ve seen you in the lockerroom. It would take more than two inches to get you up to Mr. Average.

  242. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#236): Oh, now that’s just crazy talk.

  243. Zerowolf
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Dear Wendy: My creepy dad keeps touching me, leaving greasy mayonnaise stains on all my clothes. I think he’s planning to kidnap me and take me out of the country. Can you record “Game of Thrones” for me? — Yippee in Charterstone.

  244. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @S.Stout (#27): H&L: Dawg is clearly getting it on with the wall while staring at that female dog.

    Are you blind, man? The female(?) dog in Wednesday’s Hi & Lois is ugly as sin. In other words: a REAL dog. Clearly, Dawg is doing a “Tex Avery” at the dog’s OWNER and not the dog itself. (No reason why bestiality has to be limited to human-on-animal interaction!)

  245. Zerowolf
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Of course something is wrong, you called Tommie for help.

  246. Cloudbuster
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#231): And even that initial instance, you can’t convince me that he didn’t intend that reaction. Innocently going under the table only to be wrongly suspected or faced with the appearance of sexual activity isn’t exactly breaking new comedy ground. I’m pretty sure the idea was old when Molly Ringwald did it in The Breakfast Club back in the mid ’80s.

    McEldowney’s mock-offended attitude and his criticism of readers who are low-brow enough to think such things is just really grating.

  247. Egg Grevans
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @un malpaso (#48): Way too soon. That was stone cold heartless.

  248. Liam
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#245):

    Yeah, they should have called Margo for help.

  249. So Big Deal
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Crock – What Gary Larson does with his eyes closed.

  250. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#246): “I’m creating a comic art that involves a beautiful women who screw everything they see at the drop of a hat, and if you can see anything sexual in that then you’re nothing but an uncultured pervert.”

  251. Oregonian
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#53): “If the amount Josh shits doesn’t wildly exceed the amount of typos in Ziggy’s local newspaper, I enthusiastically embrace the death of print media.”

    COTW! (Especially if you don’t know the name of Ziggy’s parrot!)

  252. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#86): I have to agree here. Of all the things I like about Gil Thorp, and there’s only one, it’s that they never come up from behind in the Big Game and become reigning champions. Of course, I seldom understand a word they’re saying during the story arcs, but that’s preferable to the non-sports story arcs where I do (the “evil-Ausies-selling-legal-DVDs-and-doing-tattoos-in-an-ethical-manner” arc comes to mind).

  253. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#240): Oh, quite true about programming languages – the beauty of multi-platform compilers and generalized OS APIs is that ideally it doesn’t matter what language you code in, anyone can run it, as opposed to communicative spoken/written languages where the language is the medium and both parties need to understand it. (Unless you’re running one of those too-hip “mobile” operating systems where some zealot has made one particular language the Designated Holy Tool which Shall Not Be Differed From, NOT THAT I HAVE AN OPINION ON THAT OR ANYTHING.) I just thought the comparison was apt. Full quote:

    Because the language is so impotent, it must be extended. But each group extends Pascal in its own direction, to make it look like whatever language they really want. Extensions for separate compilation, Fortran-like COMMON, string data types, internal static variables, initialization, octal numbers, bit operators, etc., all add to the utility of the language for one group, but destroy its portability to others.
    – Brian W. Kernighan, “Why Pascal is Not My Favorite Programming Language”

    The same basic pattern can be seen in conlangs. Why does Esperanto look like a pidgin of every major Latin-based language? Because some guy was trying to invent a language to unify Europe; but it rather undercuts its goal of being “neutral” because it’s plainly based on an existing language (or set thereof) that southern Europeans will find a hell of a lot more familiar than anybody else. (Interlingua is even worse, it damn near is Latin. Though I suppose the only really beneficient party there would be oldschool Catholics.) Volapük doesn’t have as obviously national/regional roots as Esperanto, but it’s still derived from European vocabularies, and it relies even more heavily on diacriticals that only continental Europeans are going to have any idea what to do with. Lojban doesn’t look like space-Spanish, so it fulfills its goal of neutrality a bit better (though I bet a real linguist could tell you what it was based on, engineered status notwithstanding,) but at the cost of accessibility.

    All of these take the idea of a constructed language in their own particular direction, because it’s essentially impossible not to, but all of them lose out on their goal of being universally accessible, because there is no such thing – either you’re more accessible to some, or you’re equally inaccessible to everyone. If there is such a thing as a language that nobody is more familiar with than anybody else, nobody will want to use it – why would they, when they could speak in their native tongue (to their countrymen,) simply learn the language of the people they wish to speak to (and communicate more effectively thereby,) or settle for an existing “common tongue” that both parties will have at least some familiarity with (and not have to learn entirely from scratch?)

  254. Liam
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-Don’t you know that he has just been dumped and needs to wallow around in self pity until some creepy older man takes him on a European trip.

  255. Poteet
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#114): For six hours I’ve been trying to forget that story. Ain’t gonna happen.

  256. Peanut Gallery
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Jumble[*] (An obscure hint but not really a spoiler.)

  257. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#236): You omit the most important argument in favor of English as being the bestest language: It is the language of the King James Version of the Bible. (I can show you several websites which maintain that the KJV is the only inspired version – and one that advocates burning all others.)

    If English was good enough for Jesus, it should be good enough for everybody else.

  258. Zerowolf
    June 27th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

  259. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#257): Oh, and Jesus programmed in GW-BASIC, line numbers, GOTOs and all.

    // Eat it*, heretics!

    *Spaghetti code is delicious!

  260. tallyHO
    June 27th, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#256):

    When I first saw the cartoon, it looked like they are in bed.

    I laughed.

    (Without looking at the rest of the puzzle, I think I figured out the Main answer; Not that the clues may be easy ones to figure out. There is usually one or two of those which boggle my meager mind. )

  261. sporknpork
    June 27th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Wow, admitting hate for your fellow man AND a debilitating back injury from a fence? We’re one cancer away from Funkyverse misanthropy!

  262. Borborygmy
    June 27th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#259): Spaghetti code? I believe you are thinking of the Pastafarians.

    10 PRINT “RAMEN”
    20 GOTO 10

  263. Borborygmy
    June 27th, 2012 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Damn. END. Control-Z! BREAK. ASCII-27!

    Help me Mister Wizard Uncle Lumpy, I don’t want to be a programmer anymore!

  264. bats :[
    June 27th, 2012 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm…wasn’t that a RIFLE, with BULLETS, that Mike Harris was waving around?

  265. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 27th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @Egg Grevans (#247): Way too soon. That was stone cold heartless.

    Unless un malpaso was referring to DORA Ephron, who wrote the screenplay for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Meth.

  266. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Nora Ephron. What to say?

    She could write an essay, and you could believe she had been your best friend all your life.

  267. tallyHO
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    That internet radio show I linked to yesterday is on now. I think there is an hour left.

    http://www.stusshow.com/

    They are talking about Gandy Goose now.

  268. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#257): It’s not just English that is holy, but English as spoken at the time of King James. This is why the King James version is the only true word of God — because it was at that stage of our language that each word had the exact nuanced meaning required for the Holy Message to be conveyed.

    Sad to say, since then it has become increasingly corrupted, with the result that God’s Word is now struggling through the bastardizations of the Douay, New International, New American Standard, and (shudder) the Good News Translation.

  269. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#268): I do, however, believe that special dispensation is given for the J. B. Phillips version, which has a certain warmth I’ve always enjoyed (which means, of course, that God approves).

  270. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

  271. Alter Ego
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    love is… when sitting on something reminds you of somebody’s face.

  272. seismic-2
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Stan Lee talks about the invention of Spider-Man in a newspaper interview today. Guess what: it was his idea.

  273. Snarkotix Addict
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#243): Can you record “Game of Thrones” for me? — Yippee in Charterstone.

    “Game of Thrones” will be the featured entertainment on the plane. Flight is brutal!

  274. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#269): J.B. Phillips! I just got that! Picked it up for free at one of the local used bookstores. They have a bin for stuff they consider unsalable*. This was in a paperback “The Six Version Parallel New Testament” printed on really horrible newsprint that’s gone all yellow, and looks like rats have chewed on it.

    // Fools! I’d have given a quarter for it any day!

  275. seismic-2
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#253):
    me: “My name is seismic-2, and I’m a FORTRAN programmer.”
    audience: “Hi, seismic-2!”
    me: “It has been 17 years, 3 months, and 12 days since I overlaid two arrays with an EQUIVALENCE statement.”
    audience: [supportive applause]

  276. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    FW – “Two more inches and I’d have called it Mr. Big.”

  277. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#275): Well, now, FORTRAN I can respect. I wouldn’t actually use it for anything, but I can respect it.

  278. Peanut Gallery
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Much as I enjoy all the computer talk today, I think it’s time we returned to our proper topic. So, guess what! I just visited the Chemical Heritage Foundation museum in Philadelphia and took this picture of their 1939 Dempster RotaRule, Model AA. Of course, there was already a much better picture of the exact same circular slide rule on the internet, but I thought I should share the thrill of seeing it in person.

  279. Peanut Gallery
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    Popeye – “Hello, operator? Get me Charles Foster Kane!”

  280. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#278):Nice. Last one sold on ebay of that model went for $536 back in March.

    // Glad to see we’re back on topic!

  281. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#274): I’m envious. To a point, anyway. About a year ago I found the same edition that I’d had back when I was a teenager: “The Gospels Translated into Modern English by J. B. Phillips,” 1958. Green cover jacket, green cloth cover. Inside the front cover is a map of the Holy Land. There’s an inscription inside: “Presented to Linda Heinbach on her Confirmation Day, April 10, 1960″ (and yes, it’s even punctuated correctly). Cost me $8.50, but worth it.

    Still, I’d love a good parallel version again, especially one that included the Phillips.

    One of my prized possessions was The New Jerusalem Bible, with paintings by Salvador Dali. As with the rest of my first library, my first wife kept it, but she passed it on to our twins. My friend I’ve had since high school gave it to me under the condition that I never write in it. (We had very different attitudes toward books. He could read a paperback book 10 times, and you’d think it had never been opened. I, on the other hand, bent back covers, folded down corners, and compulsively wrote in the margins. To my credit, I never once wrote in tht Bible the whole time I owned it.)

    Another book in that library that I would love to have again is Edersheim’s Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah I’ve seen copies around since, but none quite the same.

    Oh, and then there’s the Thompson Chain Reference Bible, which I believe came in both the King James and the New International Versions. Now that one I’ve still got. (It’s sitting beside my Masonic Bible, where they whisper secrets back and forth during the night when I’m asleep.)

    Ah, books. I don’t hate the new reading technology, but I do worry sometimes that we are on the cusp of losing something valuable. Something I can’t even articulate.

  282. Peanut Gallery
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119): It was knowledge like that, that made him such a good vampire hunter.

  283. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#281): Ah, books. I don’t hate the new reading technology, but I do worry sometimes that we are on the cusp of losing something valuable. Something I can’t even articulate.

    Agreed. PDF is all well and good for obscure stuff you can’t find, but I’ll never be able to fathom how anybody thinks it could truly replace print…

  284. Sgt. Stoned
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: ….signed, Dawn Weston.

    BB: Beetle didn’t pitch a tent. He’s gay.

    Archie: You asked your mother to wash a pair of jeans!?! Weren’t those torn jeans pre-stone-washed? This is the 80s after all!

  285. dog marks trail
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    As Gil Thorp reminds us, sports are full of life lessons. For example, if you can’t be comforting, you can still be a sarcastic dick.

  286. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#283): My e-reader only replaces books in a very part-time way. I can’t carry 500 paperbacks in my pack. Even two or three make my life more difficult. It’s made packing for trips much easier and lighter.

  287. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#281): It is cool – got Phillips, the KJV, Jerusalem, Living, RSV, and New English. It was, however, printed in 1974 on the cheapest possible newsprint. Kind of reminds me of a newspaper that got tossed up under your porch, and didn’t actually get wet, but wasn’t found until you had to replace that board that rotted out… and something did chew on the binding.

    But, anyway, really cool, same bookstore, same “help yourself” bin, got a massive Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, also for free. Almost perfect except for some kind of funny stain on it, but hey…

    // … doesn’t smell bad or anything.

  288. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#278): @Nehemiah Scudder (#274): A slide rule like that has so much more inbuilt authority than a calculator. (Well, all slide rules do, really, but that one is especially authoritative.

    And to help keep the conversation on the true topic of this site, here’s a photo of my Phillips with a Faber Castell 52/82 bookmark! (Sorry about the quality — crude cell phone camera.)

  289. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#283): But try explaining it. That’s where I fail. I end up sounding like Mary Worth, “Oh, I like the feel of a book in my hands.” Damn it! That just doesn’t touch the real reasons — but trying to articulate the real reasons is just not easy, especially since “I like the feel of a book in my hands” is kind of part of it.

  290. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#286): And that’s why I plan to get one in the not-too-distant future. Lugging books around is getting hard. I think they must be a lot heavier than when I was younger. Or the gravity is getting stronger. Yeah — probably gravity, because lugging anything around, including myself, is getting harder.

    Darn gravity.

  291. Peanut Gallery
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#253):

    If there is such a thing as a language that nobody is more familiar with than anybody else, nobody will want to use it – why would they

    Well, maybe for the kind of reason that makes people want to learn Klingon.

  292. Cloudbuster
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Hypothesis: The high concentration of slide-rule afficionados on The Comics Curmudgeon is no accident; there is a positive correlation between fascination with archaic calculating devices and verbal comic snarking.

  293. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#287): One of the libraries at UofT often has a section of books they figure are out of date and won’t fetch much. They still charge, but it’s a minimal fee. About ten years ago I found the entire set of The Book of Knowledge, a 1930s edition — the same one I had as a kid. I would have grabbed them right there and then, but while they weren’t asking much, they were asking enough that I couldn’t afford them in good conscience, and getting them home would have been a royal pain.

  294. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#289): Indeed – it’s very difficult to put into words. (Which, naturally, means it’s totally irrational emotion and any throwbacks attempting to express it should be scorned and mocked by the Tech-Savvy Youth who know better than to resist Progress.)

    @Peanut Gallery (#291): Well, exactly – or as xkcd put it, “If you learned to speak Lojban, your communication would be completely unambiguous and logical.” “Yeah, but it would all be with the kind of people who learn Lojban.”

  295. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#291): But, but — people use Klingon! I mean — it’s not just me, right? [*] [*]

  296. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#283): My connection to physical books comes from the fact that I’m a very physical reader. I stay more engaged with the text by moving my head back and forth, zooming in with my neck, etc. Other people have other ways of reading, and I respect that, but I hope that there are enough people like me to count in the marketplace.

  297. Alex Meske
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    Hey Coach, he wasn’t talking about baseball.

  298. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#290): You’re right about gravity. I used to carry several books around. For a decade, I carried a small keyboard (Radio Shack Concertmate 380). I’ve since cut down on how much I carry, yet it’s heavier than it ever was.

  299. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    I carry a netbook. It’s a real computer, and at home it is my main machine. I’m using it now. I plug it into external hard drives, monitors, keyboards, printers, scanners, etc. When I travel, it’s a laptop, ereader etc.. The keyboard is a little small for my big clumsy fingers, but I’ve managed to get a lot of writing done on it anyway, and it beats the hell out of a touch screen.

    It has a built in microphone, and camera, so with a wi-fi signal I can skype with it. I don’t see the point of a dedicated ereader – the netbook is only slightly larger.

    I also carry an Android smartphone, so between the two, I don’t think I’m missing anything.

  300. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    My laptop is my primary computer. At home, it’s got an external keyboard and a second monitor (24″). It’s small enough to go in my backpack when I don’t feel quite heavy enough. And it’s full of books and movies and music and other entertaining bits for when the Internet lets me down.

    Fascinating, yesszzz…

  301. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#300): (…zzzzzzzz…)

  302. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#301): … don’t let us keep you up…

  303. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#299): My main computer is a 12″ laptop, and that’s up from a 9″ netbook (is it a sign that you’re getting old when you start changing your habits in order to not have to squint at a tiny screen?) Plenty of horsepower for my purposes (my purposes being more than adequately served by the hardware of six years ago,) lighter and more wieldy than your 17″+ monsters, and good XP support (now there’s a habit I’m not changing any time soon! Well, until I can no longer get hardware for it – I’m hoping Haiku will be ready for primetime by then.) Does everything I need, and gives me no bullshit, and that’s what a computer should be.

    Coworkers and my brother keep extolling the virtues of tablets to me, but I still can’t conceive of ‘em as anything but either underpowered, overpriced laptops without the keyboard, or oversized, under-portable smartphones without the phone. [*]

    And my phone places and receives calls and stores numbers, and by God, that’s all I want it to do!

  304. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#294): @Artist formerly known as Ben (#296): @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#298):
    Here’s the problem with trying to launch an effective apologia for books: we don’t really know what it would look like because we don’t really know what characteristics of books satisfy our requirements.

    Here are the reasons I’ve most often heard put forward as a defence of books:

    1) I like the feel of a book in my hand.
    2) I like the smell of books.
    3) They last longer than electronic media.
    4) The interface never becomes obsolete.
    5) They don’t need recharging.

    Now, there’s a game I sometimes play to get at the heart of things. I call it “Epoching,” from the phenomenological term “epoche,” meaning “suspension” or “bracketing.” The idea is to bracket out different variables and see what happens. It’s a way of getting to the “essence” of a thing or argument.

    So let’s play.

    Basic Scenario:
    Imagine that the government decides our reliance upon electronic media is putting us at risk because of their ephemeral nature and changing interfaces. After all, we’re reading books that were printed a hundred years ago, but can’t get the data off a floppy disc from 2001. The government also decides that the books already in existence are too flimsy. While we have books over 100 years old, in reality, books tend to have an average lifespan of about 25 years or so.

    In order to rectify this situation, the government creates a huge research project to develop paper sturdy enough to last for hundreds of years without tearing or yellowing, yet still looking and feeling like paper. It also inputs all books in existence into a huge data bank called “The Really Big Book Data Bank.”

    Option A:
    Once the paper is developed, the government builds “Home Book Creation Devices” that it sells extremely cheaply. Whenever you want a book, all you have to do is connect to “The Really Big Book Data Bank” and you can download it to your “Home Book Creation Device” that then prints it and binds it. Everyone has the same material, so all the books will look the same, although there might be colour coding for different genres: fiction is red, history is brown, and so on. Furthermore, if you are so poor you can’t afford a “Home Book Creation Device,” you can go to your local library, which now consists of a huge warehouse filled with binding and paper stock, with a small front desk where you place your order, and a short while later walk out with your book. (And there is no need to return it.)

    Option B:
    Once the paper is developed, the government takes it upon itself to reprint all the books and sell them very cheaply. If you can’t afford to buy, you can go to your library, which is the same as in Option A. Again, however, all the books will look the same, although there might be colour coding for different genres.

    NOTE: There is no possibility that the government can “censor” these books in any way, or cut the flow of the books, or refuse to print certain books. Neither are we concerned with what other changes may necessarily come about in society in order to make such a scenario possible. The only relevant details here are in the scenario itself.

    Now comes the important part of the game: do these books meet our requirements?

    It’s no good doing this in a purely intellectual mode — you have to actually put yourself in the situation, look carefully at how you relate to the books we have now, and how you would relate to books we would have then, and try to detect differences.

    There’s no question that both options in this scenario meet the most frequently-stated characteristics:

    1) I like the feel of a book in my hand. — They look and feel much like the books we’re used to.
    2) I like the smell of books. — They basically smell the same as the books we’re used to.
    3) They last longer than electronic media. — These books will last for hundreds of years with very little damage.
    4) The interface never becomes obsolete. — As long as the language stays essentially the same, these books can be read by future generations.
    5) They don’t need recharging. — Well, they don’t.

    However, when I examine my imagined relationship with these books, the topology or shape of the way in which I interact with them, I feel very strongly that despite the fact that outwardly they meet all my requirements, I would not feel that they were really “books.” Or, I might feel that they were books, but I would no longer have the same relationship to them that I do now. I also feel that I’ve come a bit closer to being able to articulate why.

    But I’m not going to, because I want to see what others have to say first.

  305. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#304): Well, Frank, I promise I’ll take a good look at it in the morning…

  306. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#305): … and you know, Muffaroo keeps yawning, and… zzzz

  307. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#302): …don’t let us keep you up…
    Sorry, I bored myself there.

  308. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#303): You don’t have comments on your blog, so I’ll say it here:

    The next time my brother-in-law decides (wait — not brother-in-law. He’s married to my wife’s sister’s daughter, so … oh, who gives a shit. I hate trying to figure out family relationships). Anyway, the next time Dan tries selling me on the wonders of the tablet, I’m just going to have him read this article. He’s a brilliant, fun, knowledgeable IT consultant, but when it comes to tablets he’s a moron. (Of course, he also fits the definition of your “average user” when it comes to needing a keyboard, so the pretend keyboard on screen isn’t that much of a problem for him.) (On the other hand, I did get him to admit that coding is easier on a real keyboard.)

    You said everything I’ve tried to say to him, and a whole lot more that I didn’t know to say.

    (Is he my cousin-in-law? Uncle?)

  309. Poteet
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    MT — A standard bear-safety recommendation is NOT to climb a tree. For one thing, seeing a human climbing can help trigger the chase instinct in bears, and for another thing, black bears and some grizzlies can climb themselves. So there’s another reason for you to feel smug, Mark. Go ahead and glow with smugness — it’s one of the things you do best.

  310. Droopy Says
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    Spiderzero: Hold it, when did it become common knowledge that Peter Parker is Spiderman? Because why else would someone who never met either persona say they pity MJ’s husband?

    Mark Trail: Did Elrod just retcon this story in the middle of itself? Because didn’t Harris & Chavez already know Trail was in that cave?

    Family Circus:Dolly, how can a melonhead wait an hour after eating when youall look like you eat around the clock? And around anything else that has food?

    JP: That middle panel answers the question nobody asks: what would happen if a melonhead could grow up?

  311. Red Delicious
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    Dear Ziggy: I love that you’ve just discovered Brian Regan’s first standup album. I’m sure he loves that you’ve stolen his joke. Although, who knows, he’s a nice guy, he may have just given you permission; but somehow I doubt it.

  312. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#307): What! Oh, yes, well the longest lasting form of recorded thought was the Babylonian cuneiform, followed by the papyrus, and then the 5 1/4 floppy, no wait…

    G’night all.

  313. Poteet
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#310): I think they pity MJ’s unknown husband because said unknown husband will now presumably have to compete, in MJ’s mind and heart, with the ever-so-manly charms of Jericho Brand, who seems to be trying to charm her. Apparently in Spidey’s world, Dudley Do-Right is considered majorly sexy. Personally, I miss his horse, who was much more appealing than Dudley himself.

  314. Mr. O'Malley
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#246): Not to mention Julie Christie in Shampoo (1975).

  315. Poteet
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    MW — Oh come ON. That is the worst attempt at making up an advice-column letter that I’ve ever read.

  316. Poteet
    June 28th, 2012 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#315): By Grabthor’s hammer, I think that as training, Mary should be forced at gunpoint to read every single word of MISS LONELYHEARTS. I’d like to see what that experience would do to her hair.

  317. odinthor
    June 28th, 2012 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    In re: Books. — I would like to see the results of studies comparing the comprehension and retention of those reading particular literary works in their e-versions with that of those reading the works in traditional printed media.

    That is all.

  318. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 28th, 2012 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#233): Oh, I don’t disagree. He’s been drawing implied fairy fetish porn for years, and his last storyline in Pibgorn went from implied porn to outright porn, and rather weird and twisted stuff at that. McE is a deeply strange man, which is obvious to all except, apparently, himself.

  319. commodorejohn
    June 28th, 2012 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#308): Well, I’m flattered. (Though it’s not so much that I don’t enable comments, as that my site is composed of static pages typed in a text editor and was never based on blog-engine software to begin with – I tend to go rather overboard with minimalist web design. It’s a reaction to so many sites relying far too heavily on modern browser features.)

    (I think the most telling evidence re: tablets is that “visionaries” up to and including Bill Gates have been trying to make them happen since 1989, but it took the full force of the Reality Distortion Field to get consumers to actually buy one.)

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#304): I’m afraid I can’t pretend that my objection is anything so well-defined. I think it’s more part of my general feeling that in the past couple decades we’ve not only been losing touch with our various heritages, we’ve twisted it into a mock-virtue to be utterly removed from the same. I think the up-and-coming generations will be (largely) the first truly rootless human beings, and I’m not really sure I want to see what that’s like. Really the thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that when I have kids, I can do my own small part to stem that tide…

    (The fact that I’m re-reading The Abolition of Man for the third time in the past year probably has something to do with all this.)

  320. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 28th, 2012 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#319): Oh, great. Now you’ve made me want to reread The Abolition of Man. I especially remember “Men Without Chests.”

    I’ve been reading “Myths to Live By,” a collection of surprisingly thought-provoking essays by Joseph Campbell. He’s making me want to read Spengler’s Decline of the West, which has been part of my literary/philosophical background for years, yet a book I’ve never read. I’m going to see about getting a cheap copy at the bookstore tomorrow.

    Also — about Christian art. God, yes! And yes again. But it wasn’t always so. Also, in the ’70s there were a number of Christian rock groups that were actually pretty good. I recall Lamb, but don’t remember other names.

    And now, good night.

  321. TomS
    June 28th, 2012 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    White lightning – yes, yes, moonshine. Also a legendary Owsley batch.

  322. commodorejohn
    June 28th, 2012 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#320): Hm, I’ll have to give that one a look.

    (I never did hear anything by Lamb, but there were indeed some fine artists in the early days of Christian rock – pity it didn’t last.)

  323. Dave
    June 28th, 2012 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    Wait till Dagwood discovers MySpace! Oh laws.

  324. Ned Ryerson
    June 28th, 2012 at 5:59 am [Reply]

    JP: The Hudson Brothers ain’t puttin’ up with any shit!

  325. Droopy Says
    June 28th, 2012 at 6:15 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#313): When Spiderman is around, you’re only missing the front end of the horse.

  326. gleeb
    June 28th, 2012 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Yep, Crazy Harry did make a convert to his idea of the Happiness Police. Paranoia always finds a way.

    One Big Void: Ruthie begins to realize no one is listening.

  327. Chromex
    June 28th, 2012 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    Blondie-apparently , Mr Dithers’ workday is already over.. he appears to be wearing 70 year old pants or pajama bottoms no wonder a 1930s -style? is emanating from his head “What!! The workday ISN’T over??!!”

  328. Peanut Gallery
    June 28th, 2012 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#308): Nephew-in-law, squared.

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#304): There are elements of craft and design in a conventional printed book. Somebody picked out the paper and the binding, designed the layout of the pages and the cover, etc. Even if all those things are done badly, even if the book is proofread and copy-edited badly or not at all, you at least get the feeling that somebody worked on it, and somebody was sufficiently committed to the project to bother making a customized physical object out of it.

    Of course, with a modern book this feeling usually dissipates somewhat when you get into the later part of the book, and what little proofreading and copy-editing there was just seems to give out completely. There must be some sort of quality-control regime in which only the first part of a book gets checked over. But with an e-book, especially if it’s badly edited, it’s a shorter distance to get the feeling I’m reading someone’s blog, i.e. a first draft. And a generically printed-out e-book doesn’t feel much different.

    Even when reading comics online (see what I did there?), the ones that get printed in a newspaper, no matter how awful they are, have to conform to certain standards for layout and printing, and therefore suggest a certain kind of commitment to the quality of the thing. Once you actually read them, a good web comic can certainly be way better than a lousy newspaper one, but initially there is that vague sense of being among the professionals.

  329. JD Rhoades
    June 28th, 2012 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#304):

    For a lot of people, particularly the yoots, the real point of e-reading has nothing to do with the physical qualities of the object. It’s what the object delivers, i.e. stories (or in the case of non-fiction, information). Which is why e-readers and kindle/nook/whatever apps for phones are gaining popularity: they’re a way to carry around a lot of stories in a very small box.

    For writers like myself who’ve made the jump from tree-books to e-books, it’s a way to get more stories to more readers faster, without the artificial bottleneck created by corporate publishing, an industry that still operates on a business model that depends on scarcity. And if my last Amazon statement is any indication, that’s something a lot of readers want.

    Is there a lot of dreck out there? Of course, becuase there are a lot more works out there. Sturgeon’s Law still applies.

    The challenge is curation: how do people find the good stuff on their own without Big Marketing to tell them what they should be reading? So far, there’s been no truly satisfactory solution.

  330. Kat
    June 28th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Lately I’ve been amusing myself by reading the strips out loud and giving characters in A3G and MW “Old Hollywood Movie” (30s/40s) accents. JP works pretty well with an overlay of “Classic Hollywood Western”.

    Try it, its fun!

  331. 150
    June 28th, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Look, I try to be generous to the legacy strips, but it is Twenty. Frickin. Twelve. If you’re still figuring out Google, you have no business being in the workplace.

  332. Umer
    January 29th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    I want to notify the owner of this website, i have found an interesting way to pull some nice traffic to this very site, i have recently made a youtube video for you, to demonstrate it, feel free to watch and ask any questions

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