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Fifty Shades of Gil

Hi and Lois, 7/2/12

You know, it’s not like I want to think about the sex lives of middle-aged comic strip characters (wait, no, I just remembered that Luann exists, amend that to “all comic strip characters of any age”). But when Hi leans back in his easy chair with his hands behind his head so as to vaguely thrust his crotch Loisward, throwing her some bedroom eyes and suggesting they go “wherever the road takes us,” I pretty much have to, OK? Lois, meanwhile, after having had four kids and seeing how they turned out, has finally figured out the value of planning when it comes to families.

Gil Thorp, 7/2/12

In other comics couples whose boinking styles I am now involuntarily thinking about news, here’s today’s Gil Thorp! I actually believe that this strip is part of Gil Thorp’s passive-aggressive battle with its own readership, aimed at those of us who are sad that the crazy, unstructured summer storylines when anything could happen have now been replaced by just another season of boring sports action. “Oh, hey, whiny readers, do you want to see a zany summer storyline about Coach Thorp and Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp’s sex life, full of B&D sex scenes so poorly written and illustrated that they make Fifty Shades of Grey look like Anais Nin?” “Nooooo, don’t do that, just show us some golf, please, for the love of God.”

Judge Parker, 7/2/12

Yep, Sam really hankers for the simple life! Just give him a vast estate and a RV bigger than most Americans’ houses and a bottomless pit of money and he’s a happy guy.

209 responses to “Fifty Shades of Gil

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Sucker Punch

    “How’s my driving? CALL 1-800-PHA NTOM

    Life Is Brutal

    Blue, blue, my world is blue
    Blue is my world now I’m without you
    Gray, gray, my life is gray
    Cold is my heart…

    [GROAN]

  2. tb4000
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Luann: Evans, you know damn well the men in your world can’t pull that off, mostly because they don’t even have pensies.

  3. nescio
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Love Is: Quit yakking on the phone and show people how you can pour salt in the rain.

    Ziggy: That’s pretty much what you can expect when you take advice from a book of carpet samples nailed to a wall.

  4. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Luann –

    Quill – “Wait, it’s my phone again! What odd timing! Hello?”

    Voice – “Crikey, took you long enough! What were you doing, putting more shrimp on the Barbie, what, ho?”

    Quill – “Who is this?”

    Voice – “Don’t recognize your own pa? Maybe a wallaby ate your ear off?”

    Quill – “You aren’t my father. And your Aussie impersonation is worse than mine!”

    Voice – “OK, then, let’s drop the BS. It’s Greg. I told you on day one that you could only go so far with this, and now you have gone as far as you can. Your friends Deus, Ex, and Machina are here to take you back to Australia. You’re booked on the next flight out.”

    Quill – “First, you know I’m from Minnesota. Second, I may have to leave the strip, but I still have the next hour! You can’t stop me now! One deflowering, coming right up!”

    Voice – “Have you met my ‘cleaner’, Dirk? He’s been waiting outside the window, listening in using the microphones he installed on the back of the bookshelf the other day. He will be taking you to the ‘airport’. Have a nice ‘flight’!”

    Luann – “Looks like the nunnery for me!”

  5. Ed Dravecky
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    I bet Mastroianni saw something about the Facebook IPO on Fox Business, but do the lemmings in B.C. represent jilted investors or… Ha! Had you going there! Nobody watches Fox Business.

  6. S.Stout
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Luann: “Waltzing Matilda”? That’s like Luann’s ringtone being “America the Beautiful”. Also, for some reason Quill’s dad is still on the line singing in Panel 3.

    H&L: It’s funny because Lois regrets having kids!

  7. Liam
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    JP-Sadly the fish aren’t rising, the food is nothing but pancakes, and the less said about the beds the better.

    MW-Look that guy has a blue swimsuit, that girl has a blue bag, the sky is blue. Do all these things remind you of Dave too?

    MW 2-”Hey look, Dawn, there is an attractive man.” “Dave is a man too.”

  8. Samuel PG
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    JP – I’ll bet Mike Manley is really regretting his decision to draw those sweaters a few days ago. Each day requires more detailed re-drawing for so little pay-off. I’ll bet we get a wardrobe change tomorrow.

  9. Pozzo
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    H&L: “Yeah, a little travelin’ down the ol’ dirt road sure sounds good to…hey, Lois — where are you going?”

  10. Ed Dravecky
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Ha! It’s funny because Fred Basset’s gluttony is choking him to death. Stay classy, Brits!

  11. Holly Folly
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    That is one huge getaway cabin. If this storyline didn’t already have angry drug dealers in it I would assume that the place was haunted ‘the Shining’ style and that this little jaunt would have Sam hacking up Avery with a fire ax.

  12. Mibbitmaker
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    GT: Yes, the subject of conversation here is S&M. (Un)fortunately, it’s not the sex kind — it’s the golf club rules say long pants even during heat waves kind.

    A3G: This situation is far from funny… but the strip is hilarious!

    9CL: Edda should be unemployed, and Seth should be in jail.

    FW: Smirk and smug-face all you want, Les (no, not really!), you’re busted!

    H&L: I hope the creators don’t think that’s a punchline.

    MW: Who knew depression and disillusionment were so funny?

    PBS: Don’t look at me, I only listen to “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me”.

    Glibporn: Looks like Brooke gave his own hands a break and based the characters’ mitts on crustacean claws in panel 2 that day.
    Oh, and something about color……

    Popeye: With such a huge national budget deficit these days, can you blame them?

    S-M: “Well, when you put it that way… STOP THAT PETULANT SULKING, YOU BABY!”

  13. brendancalling
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    LuAnn: @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#4):

    I was counting on the DeGroots walking in (it’s not like LuAnn’s legs are going in the air anytime soon), but I think you may be right. Quill’s mom is dead and he has to go back for the funeral or something.

    Too bad. A comic about real teenagers actually WOULD involve awkward, fumbling sexual activity.

  14. Dennis Jimenez
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    H&L – Planned family vacations – family planning – planned parenthood – must this strip continually insert this devisive culture politics onto the funny pages….

    GT – So, this is about the arm-pit stains on Gil’s Hawaiian shirt – how romantic….

    JP – Translation: As long as the ganje’s kick ass an’ there’s plenty of KY Jelly….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  15. sporknpork
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    It’s a good thing they removed the perforated edges from that “Cherry Creek Retreat” continuous feed paper banner. Otherwise, it’d look like shit.

  16. Mibbitmaker
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is now up!

    Feelin’ alittle wiley today….

  17. Ed Dravecky
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Francis discovers self love today. You may set the goatse image as your desktop wallpaper in a desperate attempt to scrub the Momma imagery from your brain, but you will fail.

  18. Gabacho
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3G – Now Tommie needs time to think? Here’s something to ponder, Tommie. If only there were some place where people who know about birthing and who had solved this sort of problem before might be and some way to get Nina there. Any bells going off yet, Tommie, or is the hollow clanging of your unused and unusable brain drowning out the possibilities.

    Mary Worth – Wilbur in a bathing suit, Dawn in a hat,my eyes retreating in disgust. Life is brutal and then you go to Italy. The central message of Buddhism.

  19. But What Do I Know?
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#7):
    What? Are they at Lost Forest?

  20. McManx
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth — Fuck Dave. I just saw Wilbur in a bathing suit and I can feel my retina tearing.

    Mark Trail — Confession coerced by a bear seems like it would be inadmissable in court. However, if the bear eats the defendant — justice served.

    Sally Forth — This juxtaposition of Sallys in the first panel is a little unsettling. Is this a convenient artist’s technique to imply transition in dialogue, or is Sally descending into multiple personality disorder?

  21. Cleve Barrister
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    JP- Gee, let’s think- place is probably owned by the drug dealers, and when they get busted, and everything is seized by the Feds, Sam and Abby will be able to swoop in and buy it for a song. “Filthy Rich and Smug About It” Retreat here we come!

  22. Little Blue Bicycle
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s Gil Thorp will feature the happy couple in separate outdoor bathtubs overlooking the golf course.

  23. Downpuppy
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp, Panel 1 Mimi & Judge Parker, Panel 3 Sam : WTF?

  24. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @brendancalling (#13):

    If he hadn’t done the exact same thing with her last platonic boyfriend … then this still would seem a little too convenient a case of Comicus Interruptus. We let the relationship go nowhere for as long as possible, then hint that it is about to go further just before the Hand of God intervenes to protect our protagonist’s virginity and send the boy to the other side of the world.

    Next! – More awkward and disturbing subtext as Gunther stammers and twitches and eventually shows Luann his newest costume! Made from Rosa’s flesh and skin, it comes complete with the beak-lips of promiscuity and is perfect for Luann to wear to her stoning!

  25. Apeman
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Luann: “Ooh, an hour.” Which means the readers are going to have to endure this over the course of three or four months? So which will come first: Nina’s baby or Luann’s first orgasm? Yep, I went there and now you can’t unthink it. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  26. Chareth Cutestory
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Discipline is important, and the discipline a man gains from having hot, sweaty rivers of sweat flowing down his butt crack is most important of all.

  27. Chareth Cutestory
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#26): “sweaty rivers of sweat?” I’m firing my editor.

  28. Dennis Jimenez
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#27): Don’t sweat the sweaty small stuff….

  29. Doug Puthoff
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    GT–Hey, Mimi is attractive. Of course, so is almost every female in this strip, since the artist draws most of them the same.

    The Incredible Spider-Man: NO! NO! NO! Peter, you’re supposed to yell at the TV, not your wife. You are so f—ing incompetent, you can’t even do the simplest of things right.

  30. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @S.Stout (#6):

    Re: “for some reason Quill’s dad is still on the line singing in Panel 3.”

    That’s because this is stolen straight from Seinfeld:

    George makes his move, only to be interrupted by a ringing phone

    “Don’t answer that!”

    “But, what if it is an emergency!”

    “In the whole world, how many emergencies are there right now? Don’t bother!”

    “I have to check! I’ll be right back. Hello? OH NO!!!!!”

  31. Lynn
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    I didn’t go back to look at the end of yesterthread, but the position of Quill’s cell phone jangle in the last panel is weird. I at first thought he had spilled a beverage onto Luann’s bosom as some kind of foreplay but then I saw the musical notes.

  32. Lynn
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    I haven’t felt this dirty minded since I read Tristram Shandy.

  33. Irrischano
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Panel one of Gil Thorp looks like a homage to the iconic interrogation scene in Basic Instinct. This is all part of their nefarious scheme to get Alzheimer’s-suffering members of Generation X to misremember sneaking downstairs late at night in the 90s, turning on HBO and watching Gil Thorp.

  34. sporknpork
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Mrs. Coach Thorp has that “come hither” Greta van Susteren look.

    P.S. I’m going to Hell.

  35. Hibbleton
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    I’m so naive! Without this blog, I never would have realized that Hi is using that travel mag to cover the erection that’s sticking out of his open fly.

  36. Ned Ryerson
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    JP: Is Sam moonwalking in panel 1?

  37. Horace Broon
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    ASM: Peter Parker: proportionate whiny petulence of a three-year old spider.

    FW: Now it’s February? Apparently Batuik has upped his game, from “standard eternal present, but with shocking time-skips” to “no connection to linear time whatsoever”.

    MT: I would really like to see this so-called “plan”.
    1) Wait til Al has an argument with someone.
    2) Shoot him. (Al, not the person he was arguing with.) <-IMPORTANT

    Pluggers: You’re a Plugger if your kids got you a peice of electronic equipment for your birthday, and you have absolutely no interest in how to actually use it.

  38. Marc
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Luann- So it seems pretty obvious that Evans is pulling his tired old trick of shipping a potential Luann lover out of town. But I’m wondering what will come first: Quill finally listening to what his old man has to tell him and then he and Luann get all sad and shit or the chastity cops come home and catch their daughter and the ausshole engaging in vigorous closed mouth pecking.

    Mary Worth- When Dawn says blue, she isn’t actually talking about the water. She’s talking about the guy by the water’s speedo and matching man purse. Dave has a speedo and purse like that too. Wilbur on the other hand is wondering where the nearest snack shack is.

    Mark Trail- So if we’re to believe the perspective in the last 2 panels, it would appear that old Mike Harris and Lizzie Chavez are already out of the tree. And with that being the case, they probably should stop talking to Mark even though the “confession is being extracted under duress since they’re being attacked by a bear and Mark is holding them at gun point. Tell me again who the criminals are here?

    A3G- Shit is really starting to get serious now. Scott has undone his top button and Tommie is for the first time in her life going to try her hand at that thinking thing. Meanwhile, the third and pregnant member of the cult of the morons is becoming a dog.

    9CL- Once again Edda is rewarded just for being a burber. Despite taking off to Europe without notice, stringing everyone along telling them she was pregnant when she really wasn’t, and not having actually gone to work in a couple of months; she is still by virtue of her genetics and fraud comitting gay friend, is entitled to keep her job. I’m sure she’ll probably get a raise too. You know, to make up for all the mental anguish.

    Family Circus- Is is just me or has Dolly gone full on Lois Flaggston lately. She is determined to suck out every last fleeting ounce of joy that might happen to be floating around the Kompound.

  39. Marc
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Yikes, my punctuation and sentence structure is brutal today.

  40. TheDiva
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    H&L: Summer’s about half over, isn’t it a bit late to be planning a road trip, especially since they have to take kids into account? (Hey, anything to keep me from thinking about Hi and Lois’ sex life.)

    JP: Wait, wasn’t there a field of pot somewhere in there too? That’s gotta be a perk.

  41. sporknpork
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#39): It’s not that bad!

  42. Dartpaw86
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    What travel brochure just shows a random road? “Have a nice relaxing stay on Highway 42!”

  43. Dood
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “You know, Sam, you’re a Helvetica guy.”

  44. btown
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Wilbur: “Don’t you think I look fashionable wearing my boxer shorts to the beach? Just like a real Italian!”

    Dawn: “Sigh. Reminds me of Dave”

    Wilbur: “Groan”

  45. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    9CL: I read that as “ROD” Associates, and sniggered. darn glare.

    A&J: *gigglez* @ the meta.

    LaCuc: *golf clap*

    R&R: ok, I laughed. :-)

    SFx: ooo-la-la! undercover Cassandra?

  46. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . meeting at the usual street corner.

  47. Santa Royale With Cheese
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    S-M: This week’s guest writer: Ruben Bolling. (“The Education of Peter.”)

    JP: Finally, we can get into what the fans really want: Sam & Avery slash fic. And even though it’s early, I just realized that would be referred to as “Savery” and I just died a little more inside.

  48. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    3G – You guys shouldn’t be cruel to Nina. She’s panting. Go on and give her her smelly old tennis ball so she can be happy.

    love is… – When it rains, it bores!

    Luann – Quill’s crotch plays “Waltzing Matilda” when he starts to get busy.

  49. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Family“I saw that show a long time ago.”
    “1997 is NOT a long time ago!”

    Mary – This was done so much better by Nard ‘n’ Pat.
    “‘I brung ya a nice sanwich.’ SHE used to say that!”

    @tallyHO (#y237): Twinkles ad. YouTube has more than one, if you’re a masochist.

    @Horace Broon (#37): You’re a Plugger if your kids got you a peice of electronic equipment for your birthday, and you have absolutely no interest in how to actually use it.
    And the kids have explained it repeatedly and even programmed all your numbers into it, but you still insist on looking up every number and dialing so slowly that the phone itself finally starts dialing for you just to end the torture.

  50. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    (Or calling 911, assuming you’ve just had a stroke.)

  51. TheDiva
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    9CL: Leaving off the fact that this is implausible and illegal, wouldn’t the evil corporate types have their own team of equally evil high-powered lawyers backing them up? A gay beefcake dancer dressing up like Clark Kent and pounding his fist on the table while vaguely threatening them with a lawsuit doesn’t sound like the sort of thing that would make them break out the brown pants.

    A3G: Even the most experienced midwives know when to say “this is beyond my skill and resources; we need to go to the hospital in order for you to deliver safely.” For Tommie, that moment was when she walked in the door.

    C’shaft: Oh, we’re going to be doing this all week then, are we? Fine, I’ll just be over here hoping my brother-in-law’s office doesn’t burn down.

    Luann: If Quill’s dad turns out to be the faux Aussie tattoo artist/DVD bootlegger from a couple Gil Thorp arcs ago, I will take back a few of the bad things I said about this strip.

    MT: So Mark finds a gum wrapper, uses it to accuse a bush pilot of murder, and extorts a confession out of him by threatening him with a grizzly bear. Yeah, this will hold up in court.

    MW: Inside, Dawn smiled. Her plan was working. Another day or two of the Miss Heartbroken act, and her dad would quit trying to cheer her up and go off to sample the sandwiches of Florence. Then she’d be free to enjoy Italy–and the Italian men–in peace.

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “Deadlines are for mere mortals, not brilliant artistes such as myself!”

    SM: “–it sounds even more petty and stupid.”

  52. Esther Blodgett
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    FB: I shall endeavor to work the phrase “This really is a jumbo sausage roll!” into conversation at the first possible opportunity.

    FW: February 12th? Why…oh, never mind.

    Luann: And then Luann says, “This really is a jumbo sausage roll!” There, that didn’t take long.

  53. Hibbleton
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    A3G: In the year 3000, androids mimic the actions of their former masters who died off years ago. Too bad the masters of these particular androids were morons.

  54. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#27):

    CHORUS of Red Bearded Dwarves

    Chareth Cutestory ,do not fret,
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    Your’re not in an oublette.
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    Listen to your superhet…
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    Whether you’re blonde or brunette,
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    It’s possible to coquet,
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    In any luncheonette.
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    So play your flageolet,
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    And write a new motet.
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    Our Wilbur is thickset,
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    Mayonnaise or vinagrette,
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    He loves his kitchenette.
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    O you might be in Tibet!
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    Or shot from a trebuchet
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    And then you’d be in Tophet.
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    Persperation is no threat,
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    So never allow regret.
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)
    (Hot sweaty rivers of sweat!)

  55. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#54): Drat! That should be oubliette. Never mind.

  56. Snarkotix Addict
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#51): MT: So Mark finds a gum wrapper, uses it to accuse a bush pilot of murder, and extorts a confession out of him by threatening him with a grizzly bear. Yeah, this will hold up in court.

    Mark’s actions suggest he has his own backwoods version of justice. Once he figures out which one actually killed Al Chavez, he’ll skip the court trial and sentencing and just let the bear carry out the execution. Oh, and then Mark will punch out the co-conspirator.

  57. Snarkotix Addict
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    A3G “PANT… PANT…”

    HUH?! Okay, I think I’ve seen members of the A3G cast “SOB!” and “GASP!”, but “PANT… PANT…” has got to be a first. What’s next, “GRRRR…”?

    CShft If I see the neighbors kill him, I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

    FW The adder in Les Moore’s sleeping bag – no one could ever figure out how it got there.

  58. Ian Beste
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Luann: If Quill is like most teenaged boys, that “hour” will consist of two minutes of his “business” and 58 minutes of telling her that next time will be much, MUCH better…

  59. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    DRAT!

    balky internet connection ate my squee.

    *cries*

  60. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#51): So Mark finds a gum wrapper, uses it to accuse a bush pilot of murder, and extorts a confession out of him by threatening him with a grizzly bear. Yeah, this will hold up in court.
    This WILL make a GOOD article!

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#59): Write your long comments in a text editor first, then copy (don’t cut) and paste here.

  61. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

  62. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#60): yeah, I know. I was even telling myself to copy the post before hitting Post, but I forgot. >.<

    ah well, remembered most of them.

  63. Snarkotix Addict
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    A3G “I just need some time to think.”
    Umm… Tommie, some time is the least of your needs. Here’s a list: some training, some professional judgment, some common sense, some insight, some functioning cortical cells, some competent help…

    A3G some time ago “Did the sonogram reveal anything, Tommie?”
    “Yes, it did, Scott. The readout said ‘ERROR.’ I think that means something is wrong. If I could just figure out what.”

  64. commodorejohn
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Agnes – The sad fact is that YouTube probably actually is doing a better job of teaching history to the kids these days than their schools – though not half so good as Cracked.

    A3G – “Did the sonogram reveal anything, Tommie?” “Yes, it turns out there’s a baby inside her!”

    A.D. – That’s funny odd, when I heard that Facebook had suffered “performance issues,” my response was more along the lines of gleeful cackling and pumping of fists.

    BlC – Yeah, I’ve begun having these moments lately.

    Curtis – Suddenly Curtis has gotten a lot more interesting. Diane, should we send June Morgan over with a bottle of nicely pedestrian wine?

    DT – Yes, get in front of the jumpy criminal with the gun. Oh, and prevent him from knowing where not to aim, too. That’ll end well.

    FW – It’s good to know that, whoever you are, whatever culture you hail from, all across the globe men can stand in brotherhood, rallied around this one point: every thinking human being despises Les Moore.

    GT – You got a spare torso hidden in that leg, Mimi?

    HTH – I’ve never seen this joke done in other works as well as it was in The Quiet Man, but damned if it doesn’t make me smile every time it turns up anyway.

    JP – “Looks a little bedraggled since the last time I was here!” No kidding, they had to put up a temporary sign in Arial!

    Luann – Am I going to wind up on some kind of watch list for reading this? (P.S. kids, usually sex is done with the clothes off.)

    Mandrake – Introducing Ziggy, the talking ziggurat!

    MT – Well, Elizabeth seems to have gotten down from the tree without any trouble, so so much for the confession.

    MW – Oh, it’s everything I hoped for and more!

    Monty – Well, time to stop following Monty for another three weeks.

    MG&G – What’s Belize, chopped liver?

    Phantom – Victor has a bone to pick with the narration box.

    Pickles – Now just a damn minute, isn’t that attitude how Social Security got to be such a fuckin’ mess? You codgers can’t just keep weaseling out of the diminishing-Sun problem by palming it off to future generations, dammit!

    Popeye – What.

    SM – He may not have a sixth sense that alerts him to danger, he may be constantly outmatched by stronger and cleverer opponents, but by God he can pout like a champ chump!

  65. Peri Perrin
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Would someone please send me to Italy so I can slap Dawn and tell her to “Snap the F*** out of it????”

  66. geekwhisperer
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    MT I’m going to start using Mark Trail comics when working with the aspergers programmers I deal with. I have great affection for them, and feel for their issues, and losts of them are truly great hackers, and often right about things that other people miss. But all too frequently the way they go about showing other people they are wrong rankles. So I can imagine the conversation going like this:

    “See how the Trail dude, who was right about the whole gum wrapper thing, got those stupid people mad? See how they wanted to kill him, even though he was right? This is how I feel during one of our meetings and you’re going off on a tirade about some shit that seems inconsequential. I want you to show us where we’re wrong, but I don’t want to feel like landing a float plane on your head. ”

    Two weeks to six months later:

    “What? You downloaded sixty years of Mark Trail comics and you want to show me a retrograde analysis that proves even though he annoys the stupid people and they try to kill him, that he always wins in the end? And you’ve changed all the admin passwords to ‘PANCAKES’ and you’re only going to wear dual-pocketed mauve shirts with epaulets from now on?”

    *sigh*

  67. AhClem
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    JP – “A bit bedraggled, but it’s basically a nice pl … WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?? A BROKEN PORCH RAIL POST? Let’s go, Avery! I’m not spending one more second of my charmed life in this slum!”

  68. Liam
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#19):

    Why not? Mark Trail takes place in some sort of past so I am assuming that this place is named after Cherry.

  69. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    GT: It’s, sigh, another country club summer for Gil. Nice Mrs. Robinson leg from Mimi, though.

    JP: Given another panel, we’d see the most awkward fistbump in the history of whiteness.

    MT: Okay, Elizabeth Chavez isn’t coming clean. But she climbed higher than Mike, and she’s on the opposite side of the tree from the bear. So I guess Mark’s next step is to shoot her and feed her to the bear.

    MW: Oh Dawn. Don’t be sad because Dave isn’t with you. Be depressed because nearly everyone else on the beach thinks Wilbur’s your husband.

    FW: Unfortunately for James, it’s too late for him to pretend that he only speaks Swahili.

    Better Half: Lucy cheat with Fred? Hardly. Ethel made it pretty clear that the man never goes down.

    9CL: Seth hulks out on the Nicole Cignet jerks. To Brooke’s credit, this is more superhero action than I’m expecting to see in Spider-Man today.

    BSt: As is so often the case with Ballard Street, it might be better not to ask.

    HtH: “Guys bleeding to death on the ground, we’ll bring something back for you.”

    Phantom: It looks like the narration box has been taken over by a high school pep squad.

    FC: Dolly is not dealing well with the fact that she and Jeffy have been footstool-sized mouthbreathers since the waning days of the Eisenhower administration. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

    SSmith: Clovis’ flopping tongue says one thing, but his waistline says quite another.

    S-M: Any remaining dignity attached to the Spider-Man costume is destroyed by Peter’s extended pout session.

    SFx: “I’m never going to that bakery again! The chiseler charged me an arm and a leg for a baguette, and when I had a slice, I broke a tooth on something that looked like a diamond.”

    Lockhorns: Loretta isn’t very specific about what Leroy based his drinking game on. Or did he just say, “Mad Men’s on, I’m doing shots for the next 50 minutes”?

  70. Liam
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois-Wherever the road takes us and that road leads to a brick wall.

  71. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#57):

    HUH?! Okay, I think I’ve seen members of the A3G cast “SOB!” and “GASP!”, but “PANT… PANT…” has got to be a first. What’s next, “GRRRR…”?

    I’d favor “YOWZA!” myself.

  72. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#48):

    Luann – Quill’s crotch plays “Waltzing Matilda” when he starts to get busy.

    It might be amusing if it played the “Horst-Wessel Lied” instead. Then again, that might give us traumatic Chickweed Lane flashbacks.

  73. Borborygmy
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#69): Lockhorns: Loretta isn’t very specific about what Leroy based his drinking game on. Or did he just say, “Mad Men’s on, I’m doing shots for the next 50 minutes”?

    I wondered about that too. I haven’t watched the show yet – probably will look at it on DVD pretty soon. They drink and smoke on the show, I understand, copiously. Does Leroy take a shot every time someone pours a drink, or lights a cigarette? Whenever Joan bends over? (Yes, I saw that youtube.)

    // Can someone clue me in? I don’t want to be left out when the Netflix discs arrive.

  74. Jim North
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Scott, Nina . . . I didn’t really want to say anything before, but this has to be the strangest threesome I’ve ever been in.”

    Crank: What’s next? The banning of comic strips dedicated to unfunny jokes about explosive barbecue grills? I mean, I’m an Anarchist and all, but I think in this case even I would be all for a little government intervention!

    FC: With her deadly combination of ignorance and belligerence, Dolly is well on her way growing up into every single customer I’ve ever hated since I started working.

    Luann: Oh good. Quill’s cellphone – which very naturally he will refuse to turn off – is going to save them from having to do anything icky.

    MT: TINY MARK TRAIL DISAPPROVES OF YOUR SHIRKING OF BLAME, GIANT PURPLE WOMAN!

    Phantom: Damn! The Ghost-Who-Forgets-Crucial-Details was trying to be oh so careful to make sure he wasn’t directly identified, but he forgot to change his P-H-A-N-T-O-M license plates before driving up to the mansion!

    PV: Sir Roger Runetyne just can’t wait to sink his quivering shaft into Prince Valiant’s most sensitive areas.

    S-M: Whew! I almost couldn’t stand all that mile-a-minute Clown-9 action! Thank goodness we’re back to Spidey doing what he does best . . . lounging on the couch and being a whiny, miserable, petty, jealous asshole.

  75. Liam
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    A3G-Sadly years ago Nina lost the ability to pant like a normal person. Now all she can say is pant.

    FW-I guess we know who we will be sacrificing to our gods in one of our quaint native ceremonies.

    MW-Wilbur suddenly regrets his decision to wear the blue swim trunks. Sadly this is not a nude beach and he can’t take them off.

    MT-How do you we think we killed him we shot him. He died because he was shot not pushed off a cliff or chopped up with a plane’s propeller.

  76. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Donkey Hotey (#Y244): I’ve never waited tables or dated anyone who has, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I figured “monkey bowls” was a fairly commonly known term.

  77. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#34): “Going” to Hell?

    You just put “come hither” and “Greta van Susteren” in the same sentence. I’d say you’re already there.

  78. teenchy
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    I read today’s H&L and didn’t find anything sexual about it. That’s called having a middle-aged sex drive.

  79. Liam
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    JP-As long as the women are ample breasted and willing.

  80. Snarkotix Addict
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#64): FW – It’s good to know that, whoever you are, whatever culture you hail from, all across the globe men can stand in brotherhood, rallied around this one point: every thinking human being despises Les Moore.

    “There comes the time when we hear that certain smirk,
    When the world must come together as one.
    There is one person smirking
    And it’s time for him to give
    The greatest gift of all.

    We can’t go on pretending day by day
    That someday, somehow he’ll make a change.
    We are all a part of the world’s big family,
    And the truth, we know:
    Les is an asshole.

    We are the world, we are the children,
    We are the ones who make a brighter day.
    So let’s start snarking,
    There’s a choice we’re making:
    We’re saving our own minds;
    It’s got to be better this way,
    With Les gone away.”

  81. Snarkotix Addict
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#69): FW: Unfortunately for James, it’s too late for him to pretend that he only speaks Swahili.

    But not too late to swear at him in Swahili. Now, what is the word for “great baboon ass” in Swahili?

  82. Liam
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    JP-You’re a man after my own heart, Avery, and I better not find you in the middle of the night trying to cut out my heart.

  83. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Ripped from the headlines: Nina’s Story!

  84. Dennis Jimenez
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#72): Tie me kangaroo down, sport….

  85. Snarkotix Addict
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Lynn (#31): “… spilled a beverage onto Luann’s bosom

    I was sure I never wanted to see those two words in close proximity to each other. But if you have to refer to Luann’s chest, “bosom” does have a certain boring, matronly quality to it. As far as “foreplay,” I think the years of trying to humiliate Tiffany is the only thing that stirs passion in Luann.

  86. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#4): You made Greg Evans much funnier than he actually is.

  87. Walker of Dog
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Looks like Hi is pitching his tent early.

    JP: Rex: “You’re a man after my own heart, Avery!”
    Avery (inhaling): fafafafafafafafafafa

    A3G: Tommie’s attempt to think takes so much effort that she warps space-time around herself and vanishes. Meanwhile, Nina cranks out her first puppy.

    GT: As long as the good people at The Gentlemen’s Club let him wear shorts, Gil has no complaints.

    MW: Wilbur: “Check out that guy in the speedo – I think he’s stuffing!”
    Dawn: “Sigh. Dave had a tiny penis. I thought it was a third nipple…”

  88. Señor Tortilla
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Curtis – And the wonderfully non-drawn fishing trip comes to an end. When did it start?

    FW – It’s clear that all bets are off as to the timeline of FW.

    9CL – “Haha, Just kidding. Call security, tell them to look for a man dressed as Clark Kent.”

    MW – At least Wilbur isn’t wearing a Speedo.

    S-M – You know, I was going to say something about how whiny Peter was again, but then I noticed that MJ’s blouse has changed color from white to pink. Since pink is generally not a see-through color, and we have seen this in MJ before recently, I have come to the conclusion that MJ is lactating ink.

  89. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#76): Re “monkey bowls”. I have waited tables, though it was decades ago, but had not heard the term before. It is in Urban Dictionary, though not apparently in other online dictionaries, or in any of my dead tree dictionaries, so I expect it’s a relative neologism. Clearly it would be be better known in the catering industry, than elsewhere.

  90. Droopy Says
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Spiderzero: This is like watching Achilles sulk in his tent, except that eventually, Achilles will get up and do something. Peter will just get up and sulk somewhere else.

    Creepy Les: Les Moore always makes a lasting impression on people. Too bad it’s the kind of impression you find on a worn-out seat cushion.

    JP: “You’re a man after my own heart?” I want to hear Sam say that to Abraham van Helsing.

  91. Illustrator Steve
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    MT – Stupid is as stupid does.

  92. Droopy Says
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#81): Wait a week and urbandictionary.tz will define “great baboon’s ass” as “lesmuru.”

  93. Dennis Jimenez
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#92): I always thought if you looked up “red engorged upturned baboon rump in Webster, there was a picture of a sunburned Ian Cameron….

  94. Little Guy
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#51), 9CL: But this is the Burburverse, where all the women are
    ur-Amazons, all the men are effeminate or wimpy or non-existant, and the cats are the most interesting part.

    Not to mention, this is McEcch’s fantasy whenever his syndicate offers a new contract. (Did I just imply he’s into scat?)

  95. teenchy
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#87): “Avery (inhaling): fafafafafafafafafafa”

    You’ve confused me. Is he supposed to be channeling Hannibal Lecter or David Byrne?

  96. bbofun
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#89): Well, I started waiting tables about 25 years ago, and we called them “monkey bowls” then. On the other hand, I’ve never heard anyone not in the restaurant/catering biz use the term.

    And, no, I have no idea where it comes from. It’s just what they’re called.

  97. Walker of Dog
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

  98. Old School Allie Cat
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    MW – I ended up in Paris several weeks after getting dumped by the loooooove of my liiiiiiiiife back when I was 23. I was a little depressed from time to time – but if you’re trying to forget a broken heart, Europe’s not a bad place to try.

    Dawn needs to get some gelato, and reflect on that if her ex was built like Michelangelo’s David in certain places, she could, and should do better.

    Also, you know what’s hilarious? South Park, dubbed in French. Know what’s even funnier? South Park, dubbed in German.

    Even, and sometimes especially if you don’t speak the language. Come on Dawn. Chin up. And Wilbur – chins up.

  99. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#69): Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

    A Sysadmin once told me, “Ping isn’t just a river in north west Thailand.”

  100. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Apeman (#25): Reset button! Reset button!

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#48): Ha ha! Smelly old tennis ball.

    @Ian Beste (#58): For Luann’s sake, Quill should have watched “There’s Something About Mary” before the date.

    @geekwhisperer (#66): Very chuckleworthy.

  101. Marc
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#41): You’re too kind.

  102. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#75): EEEE! Wilbur nude on a nude beach in all his acres of mayonnaise-white skin asking Dawn if women know about “shrinkage.” That’s as scary as a whole convoy of clown cars full of EVILSCARYCLOWNS.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#89): I’ll bet Mr. Weston knows what a monkey bowl is.

    @Old School Allie Cat (#98): Dawn should haul Wilbur up to Mt. Etna and toss him in as an offering to the “gettin’ it on” gods.

    PS-The musical episodes of “The Simpsons” are hilarious. The spoken dialog is in the local tongue. The songs are in English with the original voices.

  103. Mr Foofram
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    At last Sam and Avery have a chance to relax and go fishing. They’ll come back with a boatload of panfish to clean and fry.

    Life is bluegill.

  104. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#96): There are restaurant supply companies on line who offer to sell “monkey bowls”, so it’s obviously well known in the industry. And clearly it is a useful, handy term. What else would you call them? “The small bowls for serving dressings and condiments…” which reminds me a little of “a wrapper from the kind of gum you chew when you are trying to quit smoking.”

    I just think it is a relatively new term, though, as you testify, its been around for at least 25 years. Urban Dictionary suggests that the origin of the phrase was that it was the size bowl you might serve monkey brains in. I thought that was a bit fanciful, but it is true that the most famous monkey brain serving scene in the movies was in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, which film was released 28 years ago(!!), so maybe there is something to it.

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#102): That’s not fair! When you wish to invoke ridicule and horror it’s “Wilbur nude on a nude beach in all his acres of mayonnaise-white skin…”.

    But when you’d like him to support your point of view it’s “Mr. Weston”. As in “I’ll bet Mr. Weston knows what a monkey bowl is.”

    Wilbur Weston, do any of us really know you?

  106. bbofun
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    The current storyline in Judge Parker, condensed-

    “Ah, Sam’s gonna blow this movie deal-oh, no, he got everything he asked for.”

    “PEACHES! Oh, they left her behind.”

    “Ah, Peaches is Avery’s daughter/heir- she’s gonna- nope, everything’s fine.”

    “Ah, Avery’s a blowhard! He’s probably a big fake, and- no, that didn’t pan out.”

    “A big storm! They’re going to get caught in- oh, it cleared up.”

    “They’re taking the contract to the post office! Something’s going to…nope.”

    “That guy behind them on line is pissed! He’s gonna follow them and…oh.”

    “Aver’s falling! He’s gonna die! Or at least be seriously hurt, and then…oh, he’s okay.”

    “But look! It’s a marijuana farm! Staffed by high-tech dealers! And Avery took a photo! They’re in big trouble, and-all they want is the camera?”

    Wilson’s just messing with us now. At this point, we can reasonably expect that the drug dealers are just going to sneak the camera away. delete the picture and return it, with Avery not even noticing it’s gone. Avery will love the place, and will but it. Sam will get half-interest in it, just because he’s Sam. They will fish, and catch a record-breaking bass. This will take us through September.

  107. Calico
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    I do not remember who posed the question of Wilbur to Dawn about “don’t you want to see your old man in a Speedo, smoking cigarettes”, but you pretty much called it. Props. No cigs, but WW in swim trunks is just a tad unnerving, and I’m fairly Jaded, like MW’s captive reader.

  108. bbofun
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    “and will BUY it”.

    Preview is my friend.

  109. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#104): Fanciful? How else would you serve monkey brains? Piled up on a platter lined with kale, everyone stabbing at the one he wants with his dinner fork? No. Miss Manners frowns upon such unrefined displays.

    In true Victorian style each person uses his custom monkey spork to daintily enjoy his monkey brain from his own individual monkey bowl. You’ll recognize the monkey spork by its location between the cake fork and service knife, on the perimeter of the service plate at the 1:30 position. The alternative placement is at the 1:35 position.

  110. Calico
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#104):
    2 of my my cousins, sisters, knew a Doctor (Physician) who traveled to the East (I do not remember where) and he was given a hammer and, well …
    He wrote a book called “Test Tubes and Dragon Scales”, and my Mom now has the copy. I’ve not read it, but heard some stories when I was a kid.

  111. Spotts1701
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#109): Wadsworth also frowns upon uncouth eating of monkey brains, and you really don’t want to cross him. After all there’s still one bullet in that gun…

  112. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): Wilbur Weston, do any of us really know you? The answer is “No, no one really knows him nor really wants to.”

  113. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#56):

    Yes, yes, yes.

    If this were a movie, the bear would kill the couple, Mark would watch it, smile, turn around, light a cigarette and toss the match on the ground setting the entire Lost Forest Bear Santuary afire. Mark would walk towards the camera, visibly satisfied while idiotically celebratory victory music sang the praises of Mark Trail.

  114. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#49):

    Ah, yes. I saw that you clarified that it is Twinkles and not Twinkie the Kid.
    It just bummed me out too much that an elephant I never heard of before had his own cartoon show that I have never heard of before.

    Now, if Twinkie the Kid had his own cereal and cartoon show, that would be a hoot!
    Not that I would expect such a cartoon to make any sense whatsoever because, well, you know, he’s a sentient snack cake who dresses like a cowboy.

    As for the elephant, a pink one, huh? Animators drank a lot back then, and, it would not surprise me if cereal concocting scientists could drink animators under the bar.

  115. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#109):
    In heaven they don’t eat monkey brain
    And the saints and the angels all complain,
    But because heaven is my goal
    Baka Gaijin may have my monkey bowl.

  116. Hibbleton
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#104):
    I’ve heard them called “monkey dishes” around here though they’re plainly small bowls. I’ll ask my mom if she’d ever heard of them when she was waitressing way back when in NYC, +50 years ago.

  117. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#109): I thought the monkey brain spork went next to the machete. You know, the one used to harvest the monkey brains.

  118. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#114): I didn’t follow the other links to Twinkles ads, but the ones I found were apparently early ones (“Introducing…”). The two things I remember from the ads were the rhymed incantation (“Nose, nose, wonderful nose…”) and the inevitable ending, “Twinkles only smiled.”

    This ending was memorably echoed in one of Chris Miller’s sex-horror stories in National Lampoon. Something like,
    “Wh… what are you going to do to me?” cried Johnny in horror.
    Mr. Kornfield only smiled.

  119. TheDiva
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#81): If I were James, I would teach Les to say “insufferable, entitled American douchebag” in Swahili and tell him it means “most talented and respected author.”

  120. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#110): Did he have the Power to Cloud Men’s Minds? ‘Cause if he did, I think I’ve heard of him.

  121. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#110): Seven copies available on Amazon for $14.44, used.

  122. Joshua
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#88): Greg, Curtis, and Barry haven’t started fishing yet. The trip Curtis disliked was the subway/subway/bus commute to the pier.

  123. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

  124. Little Guy
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    JP: A Mary Louise Parker avatar better show up in this.

  125. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#123): He ruins a beggar’s business by curing him. He finagles the Chinese Kuomintang Army into helping him. He learns much from an outcast foreign doctor. Wasn’t Edward G. Robinson in this?

  126. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#125): Either Edward G. Robinson or Peter Lorre as Mr. Moto.

  127. SurrealKangaroo
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    If I saw what happened in today’s Hi and Lois in Family Circus, I literally die of laughter.

  128. Spiff Bereft
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Samuel PG (#8): Here come the speedos.

  129. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox and Yicky Mouse live in Paris.

    Sacre Blue Suit!

  130. UncleJeff
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#113): I know just the song!
    The “Jet Jaguar Theme” as interpreted by MST3K.
    (Just replace “Jet Jaguar” with “Mark Trail” and sing along!)

  131. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    July 2nd, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: Damn. Just… damn. Somebody shoot Dawn already; put her out of our misery.

  132. Spiff Bereft
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    JP: And there you have Sam’s fourth hankering: an intimate relationship with other men who don’t care much for sex.

  133. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#130):

    I doubt I’ve seen it before today but that MST3K bit is funny stuff.

  134. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#117): No. No, no NO! Machetes belong between the salad knife and oyster knife.

  135. Shrug
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#yy192):

    “I think the point I was trying to make is that somehow there will come a time when actually uttering “toilet paper” will become quaint and that will probably occur when it gets to an extreme point.”

    There’s a Theodore Sturgeon sf story (memory is about 90% sure why it’s “Granny Won’t Knit”) in which a prudish future society changes the euphemism for toilet every few years, as each euphemism in turn eventually starts to seem too dirty.

    At the moment it was “flower shop,” and I recall one scene in which the clerk at a “freshener” (which sells floral products to freshen up one’s house) gigglingly whispers to a customer the inside knowledge that his business used to be known as (tee hee) a “flower shop” — eeehhh, how naughty.

  136. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    MT — Just exactly what WILL Mark do to call off the bear without wounding or killing it, which would be not only cruel but cheating? Enquiring minds want to know.

  137. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Samuel PG (#8): Yeah, those sweaters are so loud they might scare away the fish.

  138. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Spiff Bereft (#128): Dear god please no.

  139. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#99): Hooking up the maching that goes “Ping!” was he?

  140. Snuggs
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, considering how cartoonishly rich Sam is, it seems strange that he would bother earning cash by becoming the new Brawny towel logo. Of course, that would appeal to his cartoonish ego, so maybe it is in character.

  141. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#136): Tall stack of silver dollar pancakes covered in Log Cabin syrup.

  142. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#135):

    Not too far off from reality.

    We’ve already wrung any notion of naughtiness out of the previous crop of “swear words”. Teenagers use them in place of “um” these days: “I was, fuckin, at the, fuckin, store when this guy comes in and, fuckin fuckin, says ‘you can’t buy that ’cause you’re underage!’. ”

    Now we have a new crop of words that are so mean and bad-spirited that only certain types of people can say them, and only to each other, because in any other context they are hateful and offensive. Of course, declaring a word to be hateful and offensive only increases its purient value. So this is the new frontier in swearing. And it has the same effect that hearing someone say one of the old swear words used to have. “Did he just say that? Did he use that word? Wow! He really went there? That is some fucked-up shit, right there.”

    Soon, all the novelty or ability to offend will again be wrung dry, however, and someone will have to come up with a whole new crop of ferschligginer curse words, consarn it!

  143. Mark B.
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    I was thinking the best part of the call between Quill and his dad was going to be the part where Q. tells his dad that he just knocked up his girlfriend, which of course means something completely different in Australian English* than the American dialect, and somehow LuAnn’s parents overhear it. Then … shotgun wedding … or would that be in BG&SS?

    *Honestly, I don’t know enough Australian slang to know if it’s the same as the British slang for this phrase. I’m assuming it is.

  144. debussy fields
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#136): He’ll say, “Come on, old fellow, let them down now,” confident that the bear, if spoken to soothingly, will be as docile as the good dog Andy. Problem is, it’s a female bear, and she will resent being called “fellow,” as well as “old.” Mark’s miscalculation will result in all three humans being shredded and eaten.

  145. Lynn
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    143, Mark, “up the spout” – ?

  146. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#12): Re 9CL, works for me.

  147. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#143):

    Dad: “What was that you said son? What just happened?”

    Quill: “I put my Sidney in her bush!”

    Dad: “I’m not following, can you be a little more specific?”

    Quill: “I dingoed her baby?”

    Dad: “Can you dumb it down a shade?”

    Quill: “I put my pee-pee in her hoo-hoo and made a cake.”

    Dad: “Nope, still no clue …”

    Quill: “I put my erect penis inside – wait! – what’s that ‘fap fap’ sound? Greg? Is that you again?”

  148. Lynn
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Dr. Box, sir, respectfully, “eeeeew.”

  149. Shrug
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y32):

    “Auden had an interesting idea for a poetry college. Academically, it was rigorous: A student would be required to read all the great poets, from antiquity to the present, in their original languages. He or she would then be required to parody each one as a test of true understanding. And that would be the only test.”

    I’ve always liked that plan. Of course, by those standards, Swinburne would be one of the finest poets in history, for his The Heptalogia, Or, The Seven Against Sense (1880). I was especially delighted when I first encountered this to see that he had included a very fine parody of his own work.

    (Actually, I’m not sure Swinburne was *not* one of the finest poets in history, though that’s not a popular opinion.)

  150. Lynn
    July 2nd, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Max Beerbohm would have agreed about Swinburne.

  151. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#135):
    “…each euphemism in turn eventually starts to seem too dirty.”
    Interesting.

    You made me realize something I had not during that discussion: there is the phrase ‘toilet humor’….and I guess there is the phrase ‘potty mouth’, too.

    Ted Sturgeon….I don’t know if I have read any of his work but I’m sure I know others who have. That story sounds funny so perhaps it is one I could get into.

  152. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#119): I like the idea of Les memorizing the phrase and repeating it to everyone he knows. Or hell, people he just met, some of whom might know the lingo.

  153. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#yy193): There’s a term to describe this process, but I don’t remember exactly what it is. “Euphemistic amplification” or something like that.

    I’ve heard “dysphemism creep” to describe it. Particularly in reference to words describing people of feeble intelligence. (Interesting to note that imbecile, idiot, and moron used to be technical medical terms with precise definitions.) Every time educators and psychologists came up with a new euphemism, it would gradually become a dysphemism, and a new euphemism would have to be invented.

  154. Hogenmogen
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    JP: The dinner is American Wagyu beef, with a side of pate and washed down with 1997 M. Chapoutier La Mordorée Côte-Rôtie. The beds are king size Tempur-Pedic covered with 1500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. But there’s one busted spindle on the rail of the front porch. Holy shit, this place isn’t fit for dogs! Bedgraggled indeed!

  155. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153):

    “Say, doc, I want a second opinion!”

    “You are a moron, too!”

  156. Hogenmogen
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    MW: Hey Dawn, put some suntan lotion on the vast, hairy white expanse that is my back. Make sure you get down to the bathing suit line. I’d do that area myself, but my ineptly short arms can’t quite reach all the way around. That’s why I got a bidet installed at home, in case you’re wondering. Hey, stop gagging! I’m trying to take your mind off Dave, ok?

  157. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#156): ~Sob!~ Dave had a bidet too!

  158. AhClem
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    MW – Dawn, for the last time, I’m going to quote from the famous western philosopher, Thomas Chong: “Dave’s Not Here!”

  159. The Ghost of Jarrod
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    FW – Listen: Les Moore has come unstuck in time.

    I think the climax of the strip will be the unnecessary cancer death of poor Lisa Moore. The irony is so great. A whole city is filled with overwhelming misery, and thousands of people are smirking. And then this one American mother dies of breast cancer because of some unbelievable medical mix-up. And she doesn’t get the right treatment, and she’s killed by a plot contrivance.

    Luann – Look, Greg. This isn’t titillating. This isn’t funny. This is just kind of sad. Dude, you’re making me think “Funky Winkerbean” is a more realistic look at the lives of teens, and less cruel to its characters. Is that how you want to be remembered?

  160. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142): “Fuckin’ I’m stayin’ fuckin’ here. Fuck you fuckers!” —Dave Torgerson, 1976

    @Shrug (#149): Swinburne struck me as an asshole, so I never got into his verses.

    (That’s five f-words, counting Swinburne.)

  161. Hogenmogen
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    MT:
    Elizabeth Chavez: I had nothing to do with the shooting! It wasn’t my idea! I wasn’t there!
    Mike Harris: Right, hon. If you’re so fucking innocent, then why are you trying so hard to kill Mr. Trail?

  162. SF_Reader
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    JP – I don’t get this comic. Sam is supposed to be filthy rich, he could have anyone he wants! So instead of going after Brad Pitt, he’s falling for some old, fat, short guy who likes to fish.???

  163. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#20): Sally Forth — This juxtaposition of Sallys in the first panel is a little unsettling. Is this a convenient artist’s technique to imply transition in dialogue, or is Sally descending into multiple personality disorder?

    If this was one of her husband’s Legion of Super-Heroes comic books, it would mean Sally was a native of the planet Cargg. Because all Carggites are able to split into three identical bodies, due to Cargg’s triple suns. Although why she took “Sally Forth” as her codename and not “Sally Third” is a question even Ted can’t answer.

  164. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142): Future curse phrase:

    Why, you Batiuk!

    Extra powerful curse:

    Why, you Les Moore Batiuk!

    In conjunction with another word:

    Wipe that McEldowney-eating grin off your face, you LesMoore poor excuse of a Batiuk human!

  165. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#160):

    All that fuckin’, and yet Luann still can’t get laid!

  166. Hogenmogen
    July 2nd, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Wait, with all that high tech medical equipment that Tommie hastily tossed in to her purse on her hurry out the door, she can’t completely diagnose all of Nina’s labor problems? Where could they go to get more comprehensive results? Think…. think…
    Tommie: Hey! I just remembered! I work in a hospital across the park! A walk in the park might help you, Nina!

  167. Calico
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#159):
    If Les has some of dead wife’s ashes left that he will put on the top of the mountain, I will cry, but not in a good way.

  168. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @SF_Reader (#162): Sam’s reputation for chubby chasing is well known in the comics world. Just ask Herbie Popnecker, Little Lotta and Wilbur Weston.

  169. Shrug
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#117):

    “MW – Oh. Oh. This could all have been avoided if Giella had simply traced a photo of Michelangelo’s David. (Plenty of his peers have done this, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.) But oh man am I glad he didn’t, because then we would’ve missed the sight of a famous work of Renaissance art sporting a big ol’ ’70s perm-fro, man-boobs,…”

    Life is Boobal.

    (Meanwhile, in BUCKLES, the poor dog is coping with a rowdy flea convention being held on his body. Lice is Brutal.)

  170. Écureuil Écumant
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#48): “Quill’s crotch plays ‘Waltzing Matilda’ when he starts to get busy.”

    Yeah, it must be fixin’ to jump into the billabong.

  171. Alison
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Don’t tell me, let me guess: not only does Quill have to go back to Australia FOREVER, but his dad has inexplicably booked a flight that leaves in an hour and therefore Quill has to come home and pack his bags immediately, without one more second to spend doing almost-naughty things with Luann.

    I hope Tiffany laughs her ass off when she finds out about all this.

  172. Shrug
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#y170):

    “July 1, 1929 is the day Popeye first appeared in Elzie Segar’s “Thimble Theater” comic strip. Happy 83rd anniversary, Sailor Man!”

    And July 2, 1937, is the day Amelia Earhart disappeared. Coincidence? You Decide.

  173. Droopy Says
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#172): July 3, 1863, is the day of Pickett’s Charge. I detect a pattern here and predict there was a historic event of even greater consequence on July 4.

  174. Shrug
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y215):

    “But it’s ok, you know. Because in the end he got a better family, bigger house, more cattle. Who knew theodicy was so easy?”

    Yeah, nice, Job, if you can get it.

  175. Little Guy
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#173): Why yes, on July 4, 1976,
    Israeli commandos successfully freed hostages at Entebbe Airport.

    Americans, on the other hand, were somewhat distracted.

  176. Marc
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142): That’s why when I feel the need to curse, I like to use what I call compound curse words. Somehow it feels better saying things like son of a crackwhore, douchenozzle, and titmouse than just screaming out fuck at the top of my lungs. Although considering most of the things I come up with don’t really mean anything, most people have no clue what I’m talking about. There might be something wrong with me.

  177. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#176): You’ll be known as eccentric. The older you get the better it is.

  178. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 2nd, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): Colin Wilson called it “euphemism inflation,” which I always liked.

  179. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#176);

    Reminds me of the old saying: “Cursing is the inarticulate person’s means of expressing themself forcefully”.

    Much more fun to make up a construct. “Your father was a hamster, and your mother smelled of elderberry!”. Even better if your audience doesn’t have a clue what you are saying. “What is a fuckwad, sirrah, and how would I go about impaling myself upon one, praytell?”

    Swear words need to be multisyllabic and fun to say! “fuck” and “shit” are too dull. But try going for a 4-hour drive with a 3YO in the back seat who has figured out that randomly blurting out “Crackhouse!” is not only fun, but that it makes the adults in the car both laugh and cringe at the same time.

  180. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

  181. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153):

    I’ve heard “dysphemism creep” to describe it. Particularly in reference to words describing people of feeble intelligence. (Interesting to note that imbecile, idiot, and moron used to be technical medical terms with precise definitions.) Every time educators and psychologists came up with a new euphemism, it would gradually become a dysphemism, and a new euphemism would have to be invented.

    Oh…oh…sorry. No. I heard a professor of Abnormal Psychology say that in a lecture a couple of years ago, and it sounded fishy to me so I did some digging. Truth is, each of these terms has always had the derogatory connotations they have today. For instance, my OED says that “idiot” dates back to the 13th century, and meant an uneducated, ignorant person. Likewise, “imbecile” was defined by Johnson in 1755 as “wanting strength in either mind or body.”

    That they became medical terminology is, in this case, irrelevant.

    (And no, I never corrected the professor.)

  182. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#173): July 4 marks the anniversary of my wedding to Mrs. Stoneaxe, so we’ll break out the fireworks and the bubbly for the 27th time!

  183. Shrug
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#51):

    “A3G: Even the most experienced midwives know when to say “this is beyond my skill and resources; we need to go to the hospital in order for you to deliver safely.” For Tommie, that moment was when she walked in the door.”

    I would have guessed the moment when “she tried to walk in the door.” She’s never quite gotten the hang of this tricky “turn the doorknob” thing.

  184. Anonymous
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#55): Editors are taking advantage of this phone-it-in work week, don’t sweat it

  185. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#182): And Mrs. Sequitur and I will follow you on July 5th with our 38th anniversary!

  186. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Sometimes things just bug me until I do something about them…

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#172): And July 2, 1937, is the day Amelia Earhart disappeared. Coincidence? You Decide.

    That’s the day she ripped off Aesop’s quote, “Adventure is worthwhile, in itself.”

    // Karma.

  188. Spiff Bereft
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#138): Also to save the artist from having to draw all that exposed body hair, they’ll stop off at the local rustic salon for a full 2-for-1 Body Wax for Buddies.

  189. Sgt. Stoned
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: “The blue of the ocean reminds me of the color of Dave’s balls.”

    MT: Why isn’t the bear going after Mark as well? Oh, well, why does a bear shit in the woods?

  190. Mr. O'Malley
    July 2nd, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#135): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142): In my Tom the Dancing Bug collection there’s a series of cartoons in which Max the loveable infant insults Doug the generic cartoon animal with a word “Doik” that he made up, and Doug can’t decide whether to be insulted, since the word doesn’t actually mean anything. Rather clever, really. The strip hasn’t used the idea for a while, though.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#179): I’ve heard it said that in Elizabethean times using pre-existing obscenities was considered to demonstrate a shameful lack of imagination.

  191. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#181): That they became medical terminology is, in this case, irrelevant.

    Irrelevant? It’s true, however, and was, as you might observe, merely a parenthetical aside. As you are doubtless aware, “idiot” was defined as having a mental age not greater than three, “imbecile” a mental age of three to seven, and a “moron” a mental age of eight to twelve. These definitions I take from Webster’s Third (1961), which wasn’t so long ago, and which is still in print. Of course the words had etymologies older than their specific 20th C. medical definitions, and other meanings at other times, and today. If a psychologist called you a idiot in the middle of the last century, it meant something different than when Moe called Curly an idiot.

    Another comedian, whose name I cannot recall, but who formerly was a teacher, had a bit where he observed that an idiot, with hard work, the support of loving parents, and the assistance of the best professional educators and doctors, could hope to eventually become a moron.

    Inspirational, you might say.

    Now if you’re trying to put it that idiot, moron, and imbecile, are not examples of words starting as euphemisms, which eventually decline into dysphemisms, sure. That’s why the statement was in parentheses.

  192. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 2nd, 2012 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#174): Hah! What took you so long!

  193. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 2nd, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#190): A few years back, my sister learned from a second cousin that our dad used to have a reputation for quality profanity (which of course included obscenity), in that he was reputed to be able to go for the longest time without pausing or repeating something.

    He toned it down when he became a family man. He still swore when the occasion demanded (or permitted) it, but pretty much only within the compass of “God-damn son-of-a-bitch crap” and subsets thereof. I was helping him do some miserable job involving large, irregular pieces of wood with splinters and nails (after our garage blew down), and it was the only time I ever heard him say “cocksucking.” I listened with interest, but there were no more surprises from that quarter. It was only after that we heard about his rep.

  194. Liam
    July 2nd, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-You know what else is important. Remembering the safe word.

  195. Ed Bob
    July 2nd, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Josh, the Hi and Lois comment was stellar! Thanks so much for giving me such a good laugh on an otherwise crappy day. Standing ovation!

  196. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 2nd, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#185): Mrs. Stoneaxe and I will toast you on your 38th.

    @bats :[ (#186): I am disappointed, however, that the Hoff isn’t holding a 4.5 lb Volpi Genoa Salami.

  197. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#196):

    “I am disappointed, however, that the Hoff isn’t holding a 4.5 lb Volpi Genoa Salami.”

    That would be a nice touch… howevah….in Sunday’s Mary Worth how do we know there is not one there?

    Since we don’t typically see anything below the chest so while you could say the Hoff isn’t holding it, that doesn’t mean it isn’t there, pointing at Dawn and reminding her of Dave.

    Which means that off panel, Wilbur is rectifying the situation by eating the salami, saving Dawn from seeing something traumatic.

    In Monday’s strip after Wilbur goes, “Groan.”

    He marches toward the water, whips out a straw, gets down on his knees and starts sucking, attempting to rectify the situation and saving Dawn from seeing something traumatic.

  198. Peanut Gallery
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142):

    someone will have to come up with a whole new crop of ferschligginer curse words

    I nominate “Fruhlinger.” (For television, it will be overdubbed with the euphemism “Freerloiter.”)

  199. Liam
    July 2nd, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-The best part is coming when you get to meet your dad’s bestest fishing buddy Mark Trail. That is unless he hasn’t gotten busy helping some other bestest fishing buddy with something.

    Curtis 2-Where are her hands? For the love of god where are her hands?

  200. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    In tomorrow’s strip, Dawn and Wilbur visit the leaning tower of Pisa and Dawn sighs, saying: “That’s so Dave.”

    Wilbur, in an attempt to rectify the situation drops his shorts and stands exposing himself to all around him in an attempt at distracting Dawn from seeing something traumatic.

  201. Earthgirl
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    GT: Wait. Did Avery really fall into a giant pot field with absolutely no consequences? Well, that’s disappointing.

  202. Ukulele Ike
    July 2nd, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    MW: Since Wilbur enjoys classic art so much, they should take a swing up to Vienna to see the wonderful collection of Flemish Renaissance painting at the Kunsthistoriches Museum.

    Life is Brueghel.

  203. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @Spiff Bereft (#188): You are merciless. There isn’t enough brain bleach in Iowa, arrrgh.

  204. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @Earthgirl (#201):
    If this were The Abysmal Spiderman it would have been a radioactive pot field and Avery would call himself Dr. Pot-Nine*. His powers would be chillin’ like villain with an infectious laugh. Plus, he’d have a hearty appetite…for mayhem (or, the munchies).

    *
    or
    maybe just Dave.

  205. Shelly Hates George
    July 2nd, 2012 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Hi is pitching a tent with that travel magazine.

  206. Walker of Dog
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#202): Ha! Maybe they can squeeze in a side trip to the Torre Velasca in Milan.

    Life is brutalista.

  207. Lenoxus
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    This is the first CC post-title reference I’m proud/ashamed I didn’t get. But to my surprise, Google’s primary suggestion was “Fifty Shades of Grey” as soon as I tyoed in “fif”. Now… I’m feeling an odd jealousy I expect will pass soon.

  208. Awesomeo
    July 5th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    The fish are rising people! It’s like when those asian carps attacked all those people! OH THE ICTHYANTIY! Or maybe he’s insinuating they’re going to use the old method of fishing with TNT so all the fish are floating, seems like a smug way to go!

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