Metapost: Items of interest, plus comments of the week!
Hey kids! Comments of the week coming up, but two items of interest first:
- Over at This Week In Milford, the Internet’s premier Gil Thorp-focused blog, the results are in for the Best Panels of 2007! And now voting is open for the Worst Panels of 2007. What distinguishes a “good” Gil Thorp panel from a “bad” one is a debate best left to professional art critics and philosphers, but you should nevertheless make your voice heard.
- Though the earlier tech difficulties seemed to have cleared up for most, I’m still getting scattered reports (well, OK, one report, but such a report usually presages more out there) of problems posting. Feel free the e-mail me if you’re one of the unlucky few and I’ll try to figure out what’s up.
And now, without further ado, this week’s COMMENT OF THE WEEK! It just slipped in under the wire:
“Only two cookies? Girl, if I could hold a knife I’d cut you.” –Johan
And the ever-funny runners up!
“Man, what a fishing trip. I bet Niki’s mom’s skanky meth-cooking boyfriend is starting to look pretty good in retrospect. And once Rex blows up the still, in an uncanny echo of the meth lab explosion that nearly killed his mother, post-traumatic stress disorder and a phobia for (or rather a rational, well-founded fear of) grown-up men is going to be Niki’s inescapable destiny, if he survives at all.” –mcmc
“But what I really want to know is how you can play basketball when your entire school is built on a 25-degree slant. Is this what’s known as a ‘home court advantage?’” –Electro
“[Gil Thorp] has amply represented neurotics and sociopaths. Andrew is a venture into psycopathy. Marty Moon will die.” –prospero
“Hey there John, buddy, as a former bachelor married to a busy woman I want to introduce you to a startling new Culinary Development. It’s called ‘chips and dip’. You can buy these in the store, and they are easy to serve. Open the bag. Open the jar. If you are feeling ambitious, pour one or both of them into a bowl. Problem solved, my friend. Oh, and you can also buy wine or soft drinks at a store. You can even purchase ice, my friend. Just to be clear, I’m not talking about some specialty store in New York. There are a whole bunch of conveniently located stores that populate most neighborhoods. We’ll call them ‘convenience stores.’ Just pop into one of them and pick up these items. It should only take five or ten minutes. Your guests will thank you!” –Poewar
“This ‘Jungle Patrol’ plot promises to be as chock full of twists and turns as Peter Parker shopping at an Old Navy for seven months while his Spidey sense goes haywire because he forgot to leave his costume at home and can’t try on cargo pants.” –Benicillin
“In the Winkerverse, perhaps ‘band directors’ widows’ is not a euphemism. I wouldn’t be surprised if band directors drop like flies there, succumbing to cancer, freak accidents, and diabetes, the latter of which would explain the beer and M&Ms … it’s an altar.” –Frinkenstein
“I had the same thoughts re: public transportation when I read the strip this morning, but then I remembered: have you ever tried to deal with the crowds in a busy city 16 days after midnight on New Years Eve? Impossible.” –LogopolisMike
“To me, the fact that Maureen caught fire — and that the ‘fire’ is covered up by a narration box — means only one thing: She really caught fire. She’s going to go to the ER with her hands burned beyond repair and that alien looking girl with chopsticks in her hair is going to irreparably injure her hands in a gesture of solidarity.” –pleinedepoisson
“Apparently Dr. Drew speaks to himself in cliches and adolescent angst, always an attractive quality in a man.” –Burning Prairie
“I like the narration box in the first panel of Gil Thorp, and I hope other strips start adopting the formula ‘[name of character] catches fire, and [resulting consequence]‘ for their own narration boxes. ‘Tommie Thompson catches fire, and no one notices for several days.’ ‘Mary Worth catches fire, and thousands emerge from their decades-long enslavement, blinking and hesitant, as if waking from a dream.’ ‘Mike Patterson catches fire, and jubilant throngs flood the streets.’ Wouldn’t that be neat?” –OtherOpus
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Maughta
January 21st, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Congrats to all the commentsters!
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 21st, 2008 at 4:21 pm
i like OtherOpus’ idea. “Mary Jane Parker catches fire, and Peter misses the last half of ‘Judge Judy.’”
Phil, Marmaduke's Owner
January 21st, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Tell that blog to call me after sixty years of “get off the couch” jokes. Then we can talk about who’s the Marmaduke of what.
Phil, Marmaduke's Owner
January 21st, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Wow, “Marmaduke Explained” is pretty cool. I’m sure it’s been mentioned here a lot, but since I just found it this very minute I will advertise for other Marmaduke Men and Ma’ams:
http://marmadukeexplained.blogspot.com/
There you have it.
The Korrektor
January 21st, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Isn’t the comment of the week by Johan, not weaselboy?
yellojkt
January 21st, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Shut out again. I make sure to comment a few times a week just to stay in the running, but the talent pool has gotten too rich for a hack like me.
Weaselboy
January 21st, 2008 at 4:42 pm
#5 You’re right. That ain’t mine. The technical difficulties continue, I guess.
Josh
January 21st, 2008 at 4:44 pm
#5 Korrektor — Gah, no, the difficulties were all mine — fixed now. Weaselboy, hope you enjoyed your moment in the sun.
Josh
Paperback Rifler
January 21st, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Wow; I feel like I just read that CotW but a few minutes ago . . . Hey, wait a minute — I did!
Anyway, congrats to all the honorees; and Josh, I’m so glad that you got the site up and running again. I was having such serious withdrawal symptoms that I thought I was going to have to join some sort of “Joshoholics Anonymous” support group.
Maybe I should still join such a group so that with help, I can come up with better snark than the following:
Marmaduke: There has been a report of a mountain lion in the neighborhood. Marmaduke fears that the mountain lion will horn in on Marmaduke’s racket of brutally weeding out the elderly and infirm, as well as devouring infants left unattended in baby carriages, which Marmaduke thinks of as “Meals on Wheels.”
Ziggy: Alternative captions that are just as unfunny as “I warned you about eating pizza”:
— “Okay, you’re doing a great job with the floating; now let’s see your loop-de-loop!”
— “Gee, I guess you really do need that high fiber fish food!”
— “Would you just start floating upside down already? I can’t keep the toilet clear all day, y’know!”
— “For the last time, you’re still not a flying fish! And no; I don’t expect you to apologize for being ‘koi!’”
Dennis the Menace: Alternative captions that are just as unfunny as “Sorry Mister Wilson. I was blowin’ to cool off your soup” and that do not involve the mention of seminal fluids:
— “If the roof is leaking so badly, why don’t you get it fixed?”
— “Well, you never SAID I couldn’t throw water balloons at the table!”
— “Aren’t you gonna say, ‘God bless you, Dennis’?”
— “Wow, Mister Wilson; you sweat like a pig! I guess Dad was right when he called you ‘an awful boar!’”
— “Oh, and by the way, when your back was turned, I traded our soup bowls. I saw that in a movie once.”
— “Are you really going to be on that To Catch a Predator show?”
— “Again?! Gee, Mister Wilson; how many times do you want me to talk about how my Mom never wears any panties?”
— “Don Vincenzo wants to see the books; and he hopes that he will not find that you are keeping more for yourself than what was stipulated in the agreement, capisce?”
Weaselboy
January 21st, 2008 at 4:45 pm
And it’s fixed. I guess the Florida recount made all the difference…holy crap, I just made a seven-year-old joke. No wonder I’m coming up empty on COTW day.
prospero
January 21st, 2008 at 4:52 pm
The Jungle Patrol story line is just setting up another blonde to succumb to the enchantments of the Purple Spandex Inveigler*.
* (Wambesi for Ghost Who Strays From Marriage Vows.)
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 21st, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Has anybody noticed that old Uncle Wally is givin’ a big “bent elbow” sign in Caldecott today? Yeah, sure, it means he’s got a cramped bicep.
Muffaroo
January 21st, 2008 at 5:23 pm
I, for one, congratulate our witty new overlords!
queek
January 21st, 2008 at 5:25 pm
as a follow-up to the commentary about Sunday’s Lio, I ran across another take on it yesterday whilst browsing through a web-comic’s archives.
http://www.leasticoulddo.com/comic/20070315
boojum
January 21st, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Yea!! Site’s back up, COTW has arrived. All’s right with the world.
MW — Ordinarily, I’d side with the skeptics who argue that Vera can’t be pregnant, this being Mary Worth and all. But dayum! It’s now the following day, and Vera’s still shrouded in that bulky down jacket — and how often does this strip make a fetish of continuity? Besides, has anyone else noticed that she seems a lot heavier (puffier) in the face? And clearly her hormones are out of whack.
If she does turn out to have a Drew-bun in the oven, I say we all go in together on the baby present: years of prepaid therapy for whatever self-absorbed, tortured soul this unholy union would surely produce.
RMMD — Kewl!! Rex appears to be planning on starting a fire with the cell phone. Very MacGyver. Probably he’ll concentrate the light from the display into a strong enough beam to catch the sodden money on fire. No doubt he’ll use the magnifying glass he always carries in that 1950’s doctor’s bag of his — the one he… apparently left back… in the….. never mind.
wellsey
January 21st, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Oh no. I just realized something. What do survival experts suggest doing if your clothes are wet and cold and you can’t start a fire? There’s no way we’re not going to see Rex and Niki naked.
boojum
January 21st, 2008 at 5:52 pm
15. Me — Oops! My bad. Looking back, I see that Vera asked Drew to meet “this afternoon.” I was confused by the fact that our hero, world-class clothes horse that he is, took the time to go back to his Dad’s palacial ranch house and change for the occasion.
Jamus The Bartender
January 21st, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Sweet. Site all better now. Congratulations Johan. May your first child be a masculine child. Onto the snarkage.
9CL: Mmm. “Nuclear MIss Prissy Pants”. I like. Sounds like the stage name for the pole dancer Edda will become once the NEA cuts off funding for the ballet company. Aw, don’t let’s be mean, ladies. Here, come to Jamus. Jamus make it all bedder…
Wait, another question…why is it Edda’s really hot looking fellow ballet dancer person is aksing if she and “so out he’s in” Seth make with the “rowr rowr”. I mean, even Grandpa Jim from FOOB knows he’s got a boyfriend. Anyway, Brooke, I won’t be happy if this storyline ends in anything less than a scratching, hair-pulling catfight. You know you want to.
FOOB: Today’s For Better Or For Worse scripted by filmaker Michael Moore. “Sometimes, Grandpa Jim takes TWO cookies. April is an informant for the FBI, watching Jim and Iris’ movements…”* drumshot*
Luann: TJ. Listen. The Toni/SantaBrad kiss thing happened less than a month ago. Time to move on. I mean, I know you wanna get invited to a threesome, but, take it from me, you just gotta let these things HAPPEN, and not force it.
Blondie: I’m with Dagwood. Go organic and unprocessed whenever you can, buddy. If not for raw celery, carrots and broccoli as a part of (nearly) every dinner of buffalo wings, your humble narrator would probably have wires coming out of him by now. Except for Cocoa Roos. Breakfast of Champions.
Dennis The Menace:A World Of Yuck.T The thing which makes this creepy as all hell is Mrs Wilson’s lovable snickering “Oh that Dennis ” look on her face. Let’s move on…
Funky Winkerbean:Your humble narrator gets up at 5:30…or close to it…every workday to get his mind right with coffee from Starbucks or whoever’s open…so people can have they club sandwiches and burgs and pasta dishes done with a quickness. Unless my buddy Ron’s working for me. He’s cool. Consider this an object lesson, band kids. Mister Gummit man will be after you first when he needs cannon fodder for his next little middle eastern “adventure”. Mister Gummit man likes marching kids. FIVE-THIRTY !! THAT’S FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T HABLA.
Judge Parker: During my post college hippie days…which lasted about ten years…there was…well, a lot of women who lived above Jamus, but one in particular…she used to love to eat marihwana brownies on a regular basis and wander about the house naked. She was sweet, beautiful, and warm to the touch. Now she’s in Colorado. I wish her well.
Damn, lost track of my thought there….anyway, when are we gonna see Abbey like this?
Hi And Lois: Today, I went to a coffee shop after lunch for my afternoon caffeine pick-me-up. As I sat down, I noticed one of the baristas, a lovely black…and yes, it matters..young lady sitting down for lunch, looking a bit frazzled, even though it was pretty dead at the coffee house in question. She was quiet and soft spoken, like she was afraid to say an unkind word to anyone. For some reason I cannot, even now, explain, my heart went out to her. In a fit of righteous anger, I picked up the sofa I was sitting on, screamed “This is for you MLK”, and threw the sofa through the plate glass window. Then split as the cops came on the scene.
I am so unhappy with you right now Lois Flagston, even though you look kinda hot in bed.
Sally Forth: Actually, if there’s anyone who’s perfect for the role of soccer coach, it’s gonna be Ted Forth. I mean, soccer’s this sport where, except for in countries that are not the United States, you stand around all day picking flowers, no one cares if you win, because MAYBE someone will score, but don’t count on it. I LOVED soccer. The damn ball never went towards me. I could daydream all day long, and no one would care. Yeah, Ted’s perfect for the job.
Spider Man: A few more weeks of this, and Peter’s gonna be calling Mephisto on his speed-dial.
Mary Worth: Hm.. Vera has kind of a…glow about her, don’tcha thing? I mean, it’s like a certain…something. I think she’s also put on a pound or two. Nothing major, just….oh, Vera, this guy on the news says that more than two cups of coffee a day for pregnant women is the cause of most miscarriages. Not saying nothing, just thought you should know, you’re in a coffee house and all…
boojum
January 21st, 2008 at 6:21 pm
bats :[ — couple of threads ago. I think the Richard Gere/Jodi Foster joke is from an old “Will and Grace.”
The nominated “worst” panels in “This Week in Milford” are terrific, by the way. I’m proud to say my votes fell pretty much in line with the national consensus. The only exception was in the Mutant Group Division, but there I was frankly swayed by the taut, spare poetry of the narration box, worthy of a young T.S. Eliot: “AND BODIES ARE BANGING BENEATH THE BUCKET.”
Why is this not on a tee shirt?
Rainbird
January 21st, 2008 at 6:22 pm
#4 Phil, Marmaduke’s Owner Alas, Marmadue explained hasn’t been updated since X-mas. *sob*.
Hope he does more in 2008.
Trotzenbonnie
January 21st, 2008 at 6:26 pm
#12 – One-eyed Wolfdog
Somebody should tell Uncle Wally that cat food comes in pop-top tins these days. What kind of friggin wimp gets a cramp using a can opener?
Oh and congratulations to this week’s COTW float riders!
boojum
January 21st, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Dang. Beneath the BASKET. Sigh….
Jamus The Bartender
January 21st, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Sunday Luann: The message i’m getting from that outfit is ” I smoke marihuana and will soon walk naked around the neighborhood” Thanks, Greg.
Moon Mullins
January 21st, 2008 at 6:34 pm
#12 Wolf, #21 Trotz:
Since that brand of cat food that Uncle Wally opened appears to be from China, maybe that’s why you still have to use a can opener on it. Haven’t moved to the Western pop-tops yet.
Heh-heh. Cat Chow Mein. That was a pretty good one.
Moss_Moses
January 21st, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Maybe it’s just me. I interpreted Grandpa’s hand signal as meaning, “Look, I’ve got two testicles in my chin scrotum”!
Something tells me that neanderthal caveman aiming a gun at Mark Trail is not necessarily a recent graduate of the Erskine, FBI School of Sharpshooting. In fact, I don’t think he could hit the broad side of a barn, even with his scope. I predict he is as bad a shot as the angry bee farmer trying to shoot Molly and will miss badly.
huntingbyrd
January 21st, 2008 at 7:05 pm
I’m guessing a bunch of people have already mentioned this but just in case…ZITS Crud, Jermy better have a good explanation for being in jail.I wonder what he did?Did he do drugs? Get in in a car crash? Run over someone? have sex in the car? All of the above??
Spotted HØrse
January 21st, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Float on, you crazy Mudges! Behold my frenzied frolicking behind the ropes of velvet! Ah HOO gah, ah HOO gah!
Thanks, Poewar, for your tip about these “convenvience stores,” with their “chips” and “dips.” Oddly, I’ve discovered that there are several of these establishments within a two mile radius of my home. My snacking and celebrating possibilities thus enhanced, I plan to patronize one of these “convenience stores” forthwith.
#26 huntingbyrd: I suspect your last hypothesis, “all of the above,” is correct. Haw haw!
huntingbyrd
January 21st, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Archie: BEEP BEEP BEEP error error hamburgers don’t cost that much anymore!!Also Jugheads eyes have gone bad. The hamburger does look like the poster and also who would like a plain burger?I mean just with the burger and the bun.
Dr. Shrinker
January 21st, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Help!
I’m an intelligent person, really I am…but I can’t figure out today’s (Monday’s) Frazz:
http://www.comics.com/comics/frazz/
Fat ladies? MLK? Irony???
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
January 21st, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Dr. Shrinker @ 29: The kid was complaining that the clerks were watching him suspiciously as though they suspected him of being a shoplifter because he was black. The “irony” was that it’s a store that caters to blacks (as evidenced by the statement that they were having an MLK Day sale, though that’s a bit of a stretch), yet he felt discriminated against. Frazz points out that they were likely suspicious of him because since it’s a large woman’s store, he had no business being there, so he had no right to feel indignant.
By the way, is it true that you’re a madman with an evil mind?
Big Sims
January 21st, 2008 at 8:56 pm
#’s 12, 21, 24,
OK, we all survived the holidays without dying of lead poisoning, and the pet food scare was terrifying, but limited to a small portion of quickly identifiable pet foods. China is not the enemy, and the entire culinary culture of China shouldn’t be put on trial as it was in today’s Caldecott. I’m just a little sick of the China bashing, but I’m equally sad for all those who lost their pets to tainted food.
‘Confused’ about describes me.
Uncle Lumpy
January 21st, 2008 at 9:18 pm
#31 Big S –
I thought Wally was puttin the food on China ‘cuz he wuvs his widdle guys sooooo much!.
You think you’re confused?
Uncle Lumpy
January 21st, 2008 at 9:19 pm
“Putin” it. Russian around. Ignore me.
A New Day
January 21st, 2008 at 9:29 pm
#16 wellsey – I had the same horrifying thought, that shedding clothes and “huddling up” are going to be suggestions in RMMD. Poor Nikki – I once thought he would disappear after his first storyline – the victim of Rex and June’s neglect. Now, with his future looking like a choice between an ethanol fire bomb or the most elaborate pedophilia scheme EVER, I’m realizing that would have been a much kinder fate for the poor kid.
Congratulations COTWers!
Poteet
January 21st, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Good work, Johan, and a deep bow to the talented and highly amusing runners up! May your float ride bring you joy.
Deena in OR
January 21st, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Link needed…
I need a link to “Caldecott” if anyone has it. Google searches get me nothing but Medal and Award winners.
Kumquat
January 21st, 2008 at 9:38 pm
#37, two threads ago, re 9CL –
…coming out to someone is a person’s own choice to make
If you’re openly dating someone of your own gender, as Seth is, wouldn’t holding to such a principle be rather silly? Is Edda supposed to maintain a mental list of the people Seth has personally come out to, and refrain from mentioning his orientation (or his boyfriend) to anyone who’s not on it? The author’s own official bio of Seth describes him as out and proud, albeit in terms that haven’t been commonly used to refer to homosexuals since Oscar Wilde’s heyday.
My sense is that this rule only applies in social circles where being gay is A Big Deal. It isn’t in mine; no gay person I know gets all dramatic about “their story” or insists that their friends keep their orientation a secret from all their mutual acquaintances. Something tells me that the world of young ballet dancers in New York City doesn’t consider it A Big Deal, either.
Deena in OR
January 21st, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Kumquat,
Your point is well taken, and certainly true in Seth and Edda’s world :) The topic is a sore one with me…my (now ex-) husband spent the first couple of months of our separation outing me to pretty much everyone we knew in our small semirural town and church. Hence my reaction, which I will readily and cheerfully acknowledge is a bit knee-jerk.
Moon Mullins
January 21st, 2008 at 9:57 pm
#36 Deena:
Try this:
http://www.gocomics.com/caldecott/
Deena in OR
January 21st, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Moon…I got a 404 site not found message. But thanks for trying!
Kumquat
January 21st, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Deena
Ouch, you have my sympathies.
On Caldecott – I believe it’s imaginary. Someone on this site decided that the regular comics were too annoying and he/she was going to invent new ones and do imaginary snark on them. Others have since joined in, though I think they’re all sticking to the original list of imaginary comics.
Deena in OR
January 21st, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Argh, Punk’d!!! And I remember that whole thread, too! Duuuuhhhh…
Frinkenstein
January 21st, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Making COTW finalists made my day. Also making my day was the Gil Thorp worst panels poll. Holy flurking shnitt. “Sleeping Pizza Vomit Boy” had me laughing for five minutes. Thanks, Josh!
LogopolisMike
January 21st, 2008 at 11:05 pm
Funny runner-up? Awesome. What a great way to end my three day weekend. Thanks.
queek
January 21st, 2008 at 11:35 pm
19: because the Walrus Mafia would demand a cut.
further info on walruses and their buckets can be found on the internet.
Niall
January 21st, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Deena: you weren’t punk’d, you were Brick’d! :)
Congratulations on the COTWers! I particularly liked the Culinary Development. Many of them were new to me too, from the threads I had to skip.
Deena in OR
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:09 am
46-Niall
In the most wonderfully ironic way, I do make a great straight man. :)
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:37 am
Niall @ 46: Brick’d? What? Who, me? If you will re-read the messages in question, you will see I had nothing to do with pulling the wool (or cat hair) over the eyes of Deena or anyone else!
Idealist philosophers say that since we can not perceive reality directly, but only through the lens of our own minds, our perceptions are indistinguishable from reality, and therefore are reality in every way that matters. So, if five smart, perceptive, knowledgeable people on a blog that is the undisputed authority on knowledge of comics say that they have shared an experience of a comic strip about a cat named Caldecott, how is that any different from those of us who shared the experience of vomiting after reading today’s Family Circus? By that standard isn’t Caldecott more real than a strip nobody here ever comments on, like Tiger or Safe Havens or Grin and Bear It? I could not name more than one Celine Dion song if you held a gun to my head, but I could name a dozen Gail Martin tunes, and probably the albums they were on. Doesn’t that make Gail more real than Celine? What kind of ego does it take to posit that just because we have not perceived something with our own senses, it must not exist? By that standard, electrons, God, the planet Pluto, compassionate conservatism, a delicious cup of coffee and women who truly enjoy giving head do not exist, because I have not personally perceived any of them.
No, Caldecott is not imaginary. Caldecott is an ideal, one that is as real as any other comic if we grasp it with our minds. I may have snarked on it in the past, but I personally prefer to live in a world where Caldecott’s gentle, wry observations on “felinality” exist than one in which Garfield and Heathcliff hold sway. Deny Caldecott’s existence if you must. But know that the world which is made real by my perception of it is a far richer and more wondrous one than yours.
bats :[
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:44 am
Some Tuesday observations:
A3G: oh, to heck with Tommie’s career and Luann’s googly-eyed wonder. I demand more salaciousness!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2210814449/
JP: aaaaaaaaand…Gloria is now on her third ensemble of the day (grey skirt –>green pants –>brown skirt). If Steve really makes good on his nose-following, I predict she’ll be in the washroom yet again…
MT: gee, why would anyone be shooting at you, Mark. Maybe because you’re a buttinsky!
MW: gah, that sports jacket! Maybe Vera’s going to ask him to be the clown as a kid’s party. Considering what a weenie he is, I’m sure Drew will relish that idea…
Deena in OR
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:47 am
New DTWPF episode is up!
Deena in OR
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:47 am
DTWOF, even…
Trotzenbonnie
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:06 am
MW – My biggest fear is that it will take us longer to find out whether Vera is pregnant or not than it would be for her to incubate a friggin’ elephant.
FW –
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080122&name=Funky_Winkerbean
Boy, oh boy oh boy oh boy. This pisses me off almost more than the fact that My Rotten Kid has decided to take his little girlfriend to Hawaii for the weekend instead of coming to NOLA to spend Mardi Gras with his mother. (There goes another potential incubator of my grandbabies onto the hit list.) Aren’t there fake arms and legs that amputees can buy to make their lives easier? Isn’t it more inspiring to see people who refuse to be defined by their hardships? Does Batiuk smugly assume that our attention spans are so short that we’ll forget about Becky’s tragic accident from one day to the next ? Shoot her right profile, dammit, or else give that rolled up sleeve a name and add it to the character list.
Deena in OR
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:27 am
1/22-Zits
Yeah. Stalking. That’s a barrel of laughs.
Niall
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:35 am
Tuesday Garfield: I don’t care if it’s not funny, it’s DIFFERENT and it went places it never does. Panel 2 will either gives me the nibbles or nightmares. Kudos to the team at Cat’s Paw! More like this!
Niall
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:45 am
Can I continue to snark at Edge City? At the fabricated and overstretched situations that would never happen in reality? Recitals do happen, and yes, even for first-class dance students, but they’re always voluntary. You are never forced to perform, and you never perform in a restaurant! That’s reserved for professionals only! Recitals are in a club or gym stage or other place, for friends and family. Sigh. I’m grumbling because there’s still plenty of “nervous first-time student” comedy situations to be mined with only minimal exaggeration, and without resorting to clichés. Yes, even with culture shock as small as a dance class…
Poteet
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:55 am
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I really needed a good laugh tonight, and the panel contest over at “This Week In Milford” almost had me in tears. Thank you, Pope Josh. Even those of us who ordinarily shudder and tiptoe past (DT)GT can enjoy that amazing lineup.
Poteet
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:03 am
DT — Attention Dick Locher — it’s time to start revving up your frightening Cinco de Mayo storyline if you want it to be over by July.
Poteet
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:08 am
RMMD — I’ve been cold and wet in a rural cabin in winter a few times, and as I recall, taking off some clothes was essential to getting dry. Which is why I really hope that Rex and Niki will decide to remain cold and wet. (Hurry, Doc Ock! They’re over here!)
Mibbitmaker
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:25 am
Tuesday:
Zits: Given the comic strip penalty for stalkers, I’d just drive the old man’s car straight to the package store and nearest cliff if I were you, Jer. (Is it my imagination, or does Jeremy look like Capt. Kangaroo?)
A3G: Uh-oh, LuAnn’s doing Mark Trail emphasis! Et tu, A3G?
Cranky: Too not a joke.
Curtis: Good point, but not a joke either.
H&L: …Or at least more snark.
True Fable
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:26 am
It’s time to snark, I’m unwell and that makes my commentary reflect my unwelliness.
9CL ’cause hey, if Miss Nuclear Prissy Pants can say ‘dirtily’ I can say ‘unwelliness’.
A3G Now Luann, if you weren’t such a dumbass Goody Two Shoes, you’d know that just because someone left in one outfit and returned the next morning in a different one, does NOT necessarily mean the date went badly. Of course this IS Tommie, but hey. There’s a first time for everything and if we are to believe you girls have the power to turn heads, hey! MAYBE Tommie might sleep with someone and wear scrubs after a wild night of near-sex.
Cathy (Must Die) O Great Comic Editor in the Sky, destroy this worthless strip; yea, smite it down into a mush of ink-splattered fibers and salt the drawing board on which it was spawned. Amen.
FC Yeah, but we have to read comics strips like this one that are leftovers too – from a bygone era of really lousy humor.
FBoFW April is the ONLY Patterson worth a damn.
FW Has Tom Batiuk ever ridden in a school bus with just one arm to use? If I was Becky I’d be gripping the back of that seat next to her like it was my best friend. Hell, even with two arms and perfect balance, school buses can sling your ass all over the place even going down a highway.
(DT)GT Wow, a whole 26 points! Big doings for what, 1963?
H&J Zzzzt.
JP Damn, Sam; how much coffee do you DRINK in a given day?
MT I love the look of surprise on Andy’s face in panel one. It’s just begging for him to have a word balloon saying, “Holy shit, Mark! Paddle, man, paddle; YOU’RE the one with the opposable thumbs!”
MW I dunno; the mood music for today’s strip is less “bow chicka bow wow” and more “oh the merry-go-round broke down…” That… that IS Emmett Kelly in that jacket, isn’t it?
PBS Keep your head above the water, Rat, atta boy.
RMMD Wow, we were one spark away from “let’s rub bodies together to get warm” but we still have “Let’s take off these wet things and hang them by the fire” to contend with.
Edgy DC
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:44 am
Those were, like, the worst comments of the week.
Brown-eyed Girl
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:38 am
60. True Fable. I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well. Your Mark Trail snark made me laugh out loud.
Trilobite
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:09 am
Well, since WordPress decided to give me so much trouble when I just wanted to drop in a simple comment, now I have to take a few swipes at Tuesday’s comics:
A3G: Oh, that’s right, Tommie has two men who are supposed to be interested in her. There really should be some kind of support group for those guys, a safe place where they can drink bad coffee, eat stale pastry, and talk about why they’re afraid to be attracted to an interesting woman. I wonder if this time we’ll get to see Tommie make her final decision (to spurn both of them so she can return to moping aimlessly around the apartment waiting for Margo to heap abuse on her, naturally), or if the writers will just lose interest and move on to one of the other girls first, as usual.
Dick Tracy: Odds that Dick Tracy is thinking about the lovely ghost because he wants to understand what really happened in that mansion: very low. Odds that he’s thinking about the ghost because he thinks she’s hotter than his wife: low. Odds that he’s just wondering whether it’s possible to shoot a ghost to death: HIGH.
Mark Trail: Today’s strip is proof that even Mark Trail doesn’t listen to his inane babbling. All the way back from Luke Wilson’s house, it’s been “I’m the only one who knows Luke killed Bull” and “Hey, that plane’s circling me” and “Wow, that plane landed over there”…and now that the shooting’s started, Mark is genuinely confused about who could possibly want to gun him down.
It’s not like I expect Mark to immediately realize that the guy behind the trigger is probably the surly caveman butler who gave him such a hard time when he came over to interrogate Luke — although, any dude who finds an eyehook on a boat and immediately thinks “Oh ho, it must be insurance fraud!” probably should make a giant inductive leap like that — it’s just that while Mark’s monologue this past week has been really dull, I had no idea that it was SO DULL that even Mark Trail couldn’t manage to pay attention to it. And he’s the dullest man alive!
Mary Worth: I’m awarding five points to Drew for NOT going with “The only seat I want to grab is yours, Vera!” but taking away ten points because he’s adjusting a nonexistent tie and leering expectantly. That’s just…sad.
Trilobite
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:16 am
(For whatever it’s worth, I think the reason I was having trouble getting a comment to post was because I was including a link to a chron.com page with those four comics on it. Why that would suddenly be a problem, I don’t know, but the instant I took the link out the comment went through. Spooooooky.)
True Fable
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:50 am
# 62 Brown-Eyed Girl – Thank you darlin’. I’m worried that my body is prepping to come down with one of those nose-rattling, sinus-crushing, fever-racheting colds that are making the rounds here in Greater Metropolitan Roopville. Good little Truman got his flu shot last fall but of course those don’t mean squat to a simple cold.
Boy, I’ll be ripe for tearing into FOOB; but now watch all this week will be April doing nice things for her grandfather and Iris will be nowhere near the bug-eyed butthead she usually is. Man, I’m going to need something to CHEW on; Feed a snark, starve a fever, or something like that! :P
Saluki
January 22nd, 2008 at 6:00 am
1-22-08
DT: Now that the Halloween themed storyline is wrapping up it’s time to start the Christmas one.
GT: This could get interesting. Gil might have to change his whole world view and philosophies of life. It appears he has a superstar and a winning team. The only problem is the BO problem Andrew has. In panel two it appears to be coming off him in rays but in panel three it looks like solid pieces of funk are flying off of him. Marty Moon and the kid behind the A-Train look disgusted.
H&L: Run Ditto run. I’ve seen this before. Eventually Ditto is recruited in to his friend’s humorless businessman father’s business and his life becomes a living hell. Or at least more of a living hell than it already is.
Luann: I still think TJ and the A-Train are somehow related.
gleeb
January 22nd, 2008 at 6:24 am
FBoFW: “Maybe I could stay awake if I had more cookies.”
‘bean: “Groupies?” Maybe Les isn’t so creepy; he’s just meeting the local norm for his area.
Mark: Why? Because, once again, you’ve stuck your nose into the business of murderers, maybe?
Old CCATT Goat
January 22nd, 2008 at 6:30 am
Doonesbury is spot on. Critically ill patients look like they are drowning in tubing, equipment and blankets. Perhaps a bit of comics license to place Rev Rick on a military aircraft during a mission, but air evac patients can have non-medical escorts under certain circumstances.
One-eyed Wolfdog
January 22nd, 2008 at 7:09 am
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080122&name=Family_Circus
It’s been a cold winter in Keaneville. They’ve had to burn all their furniture. When the wolves begin circling, Billy, you’ll be the first one jettisoned to appease them. And there will be no leftovers then.
man behind the curtain
January 22nd, 2008 at 7:17 am
Congrats to Johan and to the COTW honorable mentions
MW- I can only imagine what’s coming and the thought makes me sick.
jouster
January 22nd, 2008 at 8:04 am
Hey now Josh,
Some of us hipsters are now checking the ‘mudge on our iPhones. And we can save a link as a kewl little web clip! Now, if you think that we can get through our latte-sipping, turtleneck-wearing day with some kind of minimized version of the site when there are sites that have generated a shiny icon to avoid that image-searing gaucherie then you’re sadly mistaken. Hey – we have stereotypes to perpetuate.
See what I’m sayin’?
athena
January 22nd, 2008 at 8:24 am
#52–Many amputees find prosthetic limbs difficult to use and uncomfortable, especially if the limb was severed above the joint. Also, some people cannot tolerate the friction between the stump and the prosthetic, to the point that they suffer severe infections.
I’m all for snark, but in this case I don’t think Battiuk is worthy of spleen. Though I am somewhat mystified as to how Becky conducts the orchestra with one hand–but if Paul Wittgenstein could play piano with one hand…
Weaselboy
January 22nd, 2008 at 8:45 am
FW: All aboard the Smirk Bus!
Dr. Mabuse
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:00 am
FBOFW – aaarghh. Lynn saves the lamest ripostes for Iris. Yet another joke at Jim’s expense, made in his hearing when he can’t answer back. Geez, Iris, why don’t you just start ridiculing his penis in Ukrainian – it’s not like he can participate in the conversation anyway.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:03 am
FW: It doesn’t bug me that Becky doesn’t wear a prosthetic arm. What bugs me is that we’ve never seen any indication she even owns one, yet she still wears everything with the sleeve rolled up and safety-pinned, as though she were expecting to need the sleeve some day. Unless you’re part lizard and are expecting that arm to grow back any day now, just get your shirts altered, already.
Tweeks_Coffee
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:16 am
Archie: “And my ass, how’s my ass?” Frightening as ever, Archie.
DtM: I think I’ve figured out what’s going on in this strip (In general, I mean, not just today’s). Judging by Alice’s face there, Dennis is about to become familiar with one Cpl. Punishment. Obviously the Mitchell household instituted a strict spanking policy a bit ago and Dennis has shaped up accordingly.
FC: Interesting house they’ve got here. What’s with the utter lack of furniture and single small photo on the wall? The pale yellow dropped ceiling is a nice touch, though.
FW: There’s something troubling about the perspective on this bus. Is it the fact that the driver’s seat appears to be located dead center? Or is it the lack of a side making it appear more like a carnival ride than anything?
Garfield: Holy hell. There’s something unsettling, yet really awesome, about Jon’s ice cream head.
GT: It appears that a black hole has opened up in the middle of the game and is sucking all the players into it. No wonder Andrew was able to score 26 points.
&J: Stepping back a few threads, I really despise this guy. Is what he says supposed to be more meaningful to kids because he’s “hip” and “cool”?
MT: What’s the path of that bullet? Because it looks like it’s coming in from the front of the boat. Which means that there’s actually a couple people gunning for Mark at the moment.
MW: Well, at least Drew isn’t wearing a red bow tie. Maybe he could snag one out of the Kelrast Kollection, though.
Popeye: Is there some genetic defect that caused everyone in this family to lose their left eye? Never mind those ludicrous forearms.
SFx: Hahaha! The Incredible Shrinking Mullet! I love it!
Spotted HØrse
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:18 am
MT: WHY would anyone be shooting at Mark and Andy? Dunno, but it might have something to do with those giant, wriggling Ho-Ho’s in Mark’s motorcanoe. Mmmm.
PBS: I like the cut of Rat’s jib.
lesles
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:41 am
#76 Tweeks_Coffee MT: What’s the path of that bullet?
oh no, it’ll be the JFK saga all over again, except that noone will care.
Calico
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:42 am
Someone may have been trying to mess with Wordpress, or one of the ads may be tainted.
This AM I could access CC just fine, but have seen four attempted hacks into my PC. A few of them were from a weird “site” named core.insightexpressai.com
On researching this, I found that this thing has been responsible for gorking and hosing Firefox on others’ computers.
Damn, I hate hackers. Feed them all to Elly Patterfoob or Margo, please!
lesles
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:49 am
#78 – aside from tom cruise and keanu, who’ll battle it out for the lead in oliver stone’s film version. gonna be confusing for the camera crew trying to shoot either of those two with so many trees about. but they’d both have mark’s essence down to a tee, i reckon.
Calico
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:50 am
#75 – yeah, that is pissing me off too. Any dry cleaners worth its shingle has a seamstress/tailor on hand these days.
Becky could take some dressing lessons from Steve Shannon, Esq. When they are finished with eight pots of coffee at Sam’s office, that is.
FOOB – another attempt at the emasculation of Jim’s dignity, I see, in the form of a non-joke. How pert and poetic. Flip those birdies, Jim.
The Divine O’F
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:54 am
48 Spider Brick: BRILIANT disquisition! Also very funny. And this entire discussion has really warmed my heart, because Caldecott has come to be my favorite comic strip. Not of all time–that position belongs to C & H– but certainly of all comics currently appearing. Or not, as the case may be.
Johan
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 am
Holy cow! Lurk since T5 introduced me years and years ago, post once every six months, and I guess I hit gold yesterday. Cool.
gkl
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:18 am
MW: Vera says they’re going to grab some seats, Drew’s going to grab her seat, and I’m about to vomit.
GA: The mailman isn’t allowed to set foot on post office property, but he has to meet the supervisor in his office. Apparently they’ve added “levitation” to the civil service exam.
Pluggers: So, pluggers have gangsta-pants?
MT: Memo to Mark: When the bad guy explains his entire plan, he’s contractually obligated to attempt (but fail) to kill you. Perhaps if you’d have watched a movie once in a while instead of spending your days in the woods with nothing to do for entertainment but wiping your ass with poison ivy, you’d know this.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:25 am
Now I want to see today’s Garfield acted out by the Lasagna Cat people. My song suggestion: “Ice Cream Man” by Van Halen.
Notice also how the last panel is a long shot of the house — this is something I don’t remember seeing. I know we’ve seen exterior shots that show the front door and doorstep, but not a long shot of the whole house. Isn’t their fence weirdly tall?
Preview works for me now, but only if I don’t include any a href=”" tags in my comment! I can type in a URL, though; observe:
http://www.homestarrunner.com
Darkefang
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:27 am
A3G: Oh yeah, I forgot. I’ve been so caught up in the drama created by Luann’s glue-sniffing boyfriend, I forgot all about Tommie being caught up in the middle of the most boring love triangle ever.
As a side note, Dr. Kelly apparently believes that true love means spending New Year’s Eve together, elbows deep in the intestines of some hobo who got clobbered by a drunk driver
DT: It was a real
ghostmoronic story, Dick.GA: I was going to say that this storyline better have a big payoff for making me read all this repetitive dialogue, but then I remembered it was Gasoline Alley. We’ll get another few days of this pointless conversation, it’ll move on to some other story fragment and Scancarelli will never return to this plot again.
GT: In panel two, we get a hint about how Andrew Gregory manages to score so often. He blinds the opponents with the glare off his Dapper Dan, leaving the lane wide open for dunks that would be impossible if anyone were playing defense.
JP: Geez, Gloria. Why don’t you just jump his bones right there in the office?
Oh, and Steve, it’s impolite to stare directly at a woman’s chest while you’re talking to her. Wait until she’s looking the other way, then stare.
Luann: What’s the best thing about today’s Luann? No Bernice or her creepy pedophile brother.
MT: “WHY would anyone be shooting at us?”
Gee, I dunno Columbo. Maybe it has something to do with the murder you’re about the spill the beans on to the mounties.
MW: Ugh, what a smug bastard. I want something awful to happen to him, but I can’t decide what’s a worse fate: Vera breaking his heart by saying she doesn’t want to date him; or him actually being forced to date that no-fashion-sense mushface typist.
man behind the curtain
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:28 am
MW — Dr. Drewfus may “relish” the thought but Vera just wants to “ketchup” on old times. Or worse, maybe she’ll “assault” him. “Pepper” him with blows. Certainly, he’ll receive no “condiments” from her on his jacket.
Funky smelling crankshafted corpse
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:34 am
GA: Obviously the writer(s) have no experience of the USPS. Not only would the customer complaint be laughed off, the Postal Worker’s Union doesn’t countenance that sort of attitude being demonstrated by the putative superior. Go get the union rep, I think there’s grounds for a greivance here.
Not to mention the idea that the superior would actually leave his office to go out and find the postman on his rounds.
Tonio
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:37 am
Dumb question – the Houston Chronicle only carries the daily JP. Is there a site that carries the Sunday installments?
boojum
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
68. Old CCATT Goat — Sorry to be The Doonesbury Geek, but I think you’re confusing Rick Redfern, pictured here, with Rev Scott. Rick’s a reporter, apparently doing a story on the evac patient. It’s a mnor point, but Trudeau does in fact try pretty hard for verisimilitude — particularly in dealing with vets, a subject close to his heart.
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:45 am
1/22
MF: Obama hasn’t won anything since Iowa, and Hillary still has a pretty steep lead. Tinsley illustrates the dangers of doing a tiopical strip several weeks ahead of presstime. Also the dangers of sucking.
Agnes: Has been communing with the spirit of Johnny Hart.
MT: I don’t know, Mark. Maybe to get a spontaneous response from you, as that’s what it seems to take.
9CL: Seth gently points out that Edda might be too stupid to know dirty talk when she hears it.
PreTeena: Mother and daughter fighting over who gets to model for dad? As expected, this is taking a turn for the very wrong.
A3G: More to the point, why would he do that.
Ziggy: Ziggy wishes he had a job so he could tattle on his coworkers.
FW: I’ll second that last part. Calling your mom a groupie is way beyond creepy.
OBH: At least Joe has a grasp on the idea of synonyms.
Garfield: Gotta say, that’s kinda funny. Second panel, especially.
GT: Marty Moon looks taken aback. Did Andrew just grab his ass?
6C: Only one of these men knows how to build a fire. Both of them, however, know about triple-blade safety razors. This ain’t your fathers Stone Age.
MW: Smug much? The only way I could have less respect for Dr Drew would be if he clutched a bottle of relish while thinking “I relish the thought.”
JP: War hero Steve looks like Steve Canyon as played by a badly constipated Scott Bakula. On top of that, he’s afraid of girl cooties. I think we have a winner.
dimestore lipstick
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:53 am
Tonio @ #89
Sunday JPs can be found here:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/
Joe
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:56 am
FC: Mommy’s cooking something new for us tonight. She calls it “cyanide”.
Cancer PantySniffer: GAWD, I’ve never seen a bigger group of misfits: Cancer-deaths, one-armed band directors, alcoholics……….jeez.
Cathy (Must Die): Cathy Must Die!
Luann: Yes Brad, you’re a freak. And TJ’s getting all homo-erotic again.
FOOB: Fuckin’ Foobs. What else can I say?
Jamus The Bartender
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:48 am
Tuesday Snarks…
9CL: Mmmm…Edda.
Talk Dirtily To Me.
Rub your pantilies in my face.
Tell me i’m a filthily pig.
Be nastily to me.
FOOB: April, you’re a better grandchild than I ever was.
Dick Tracy: So….Dick. Have a seat. Did you let the succubus have her way with you? Did she make you feel shame? Ah well, you oughta be used to that sort of thing with Tess* drumshot*
Ah…I kid. Here, have a grain and prune juice shooter. Get drunkily. It’s on me.
Slylock Fox: This was a Kids In The Hall sketch. Dave Foley fell asleep on the job while Scott Thompson was laying cement.
My Cage: Strangely enough, that was why I kept working at my current place of business. I’d have quit but they kept paying me more money.
Funky Winkerbean: Band Moms=Groupies.
I’ve heard worse.
Are these band moms like soccer moms?
Like…really hot?
Nice one today Batiuk.
Judge Parker: Yeah. That’s cool. The vet showing his independence firmly but politely by getting his own coffee….WHERE’S NAKED ABBEY?
Crankshaft: “Wait until the ice melts? Too slow. Get me a bag of grenades. NOW soldier.” Thus begins the flashbacks.
FC: “Mommy’s gonna make our favorite drinkies later too. They’re called Nyquill”
DtM: Alice. Talk Dirtily To Me.
Later, folks.
Sili
January 23rd, 2008 at 7:13 pm
On the subject of interesting items. Jimmy Johnson of Arlo & Janis fame (a strip too good to ever come up here …) has ‘Wordpressed’ his blog and is still learning the ropes.
http://arloandjanis.com/
Go tell him what a love guy he is.
pleinedepoisson
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I think that’s the first time I’ve received an honorable mention! I was so excited, I immediately told my husband, who looked at me like I was the KazGail two headed creature.
No one understands me like you people.
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