The Comics CurmudgeonMost of the athletes are showing a whorish amount of bare leg

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Most of the athletes are showing a whorish amount of bare leg

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Everyone: just wanted to offer a huge thanks to those who participated in my novel’s Kickstarter campaign, and those who helped spread the word. I have been humbled by everyone’s support and I promise to present you the best novel I can, in a year or so!

Family Circus, 7/27/12

I hope I am not breaking any hearts or spirits when I tell you that the Family Circus, like many legacy comics, is pieced together from a huge library of clip art that is modified to the extent necessary and usually no further. At least we know that today’s panel features a genuinely new joke, both because today really is the opening of the 30th Olympiad and because only in today’s fallen, degraded society would the squeaky-clean Keane Kids even know that “XXX” denotes morally repugnant grown-up kissing without baby-making. Still, the TV in today’s panel is kind of interesting to me, as it’s not the usual Carter-era console set, but instead appears to be a flatscreen sitting directly on the floor, which … I don’t think is how anyone actually watches a flatscreen? Especially kind of a small one, like this? Which makes me think that this is just a modified version of an older drawing where a weird brown flatscreen has replaced the traditionally faux-wood-paneled console set. Although who knows, maybe this little TV-on-the-floor is specifically for Jeffy and Dolly (they’re not allowed on the furniture, for OBVIOUS REASONS) and the fact that they have access to such things explains why they now suddenly know that sin exists.

Gasoline Alley, 7/27/12

I really don’t have much to say about it, but I am in awe that this Gasoline Alley faulty DVD player storyline continues against all odds to exist, as it has gone on forever and nothing keeps on happening. Now they’re openly acknowledging that they’re repeating jokes! At least I assume that the referenced joke actually appeared in the strip in another go-round of this endless scenario. My memories of the details are vanishing into time’s mists.

Gil Thorp, 7/27/12

Honest question: Are there people who just assume that any amputee in street clothes is a war hero? What if they lost an arm doing something stupid (e.g., playing with dynamite) or evil (e.g., tried to strangle an orphan, had stranglin’ arm chopped off by an actual hero with a machete)?

Mary Worth, 7/27/12

Every Mary Worth of course takes place in a baffling dreamscape of non-Euclidean spatial relations, but I’m pretty confused about what we’re looking at in panel two. Normally a cruise ship’s deck wouldn’t be that close to the water, right? Is the boat tipping over, and the fellow in red isn’t so much leaping with unnatural strength to safety as tumbling out into space? Or is it sinking straight down, with the lower decks already swamped and the water quickly rising up to reach our heroes? Either way, I admit it’s a bit churlish to question anything about a Mary Worth panel that features a crazed man in a bow-tie screaming “It’s the only option!” as he points to the churning waters of the Mediterranean. But such is the critic’s curse!

Apartment 3-G, 7/27/12

Hey, remember when Lu Ann found out that the woman she always thought was her cousin was really her mother, and suddenly realized why the couple who raised her and her sister were always so bitter and distant, and went off to South Dakota to confront them all and sort out the emotional consequences of this elaborate web of deceit? That all sounds like it would have made for compelling drama! I guess we’ll never know now, though.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 27, 2012 at 08:29 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Family Circus, Gasoline Alley, Gil Thorp, Mary Worth. |

364 responses to “Most of the athletes are showing a whorish amount of bare leg”

Rocky Stoneaxe
July 27th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

Arlo & Janis — Instead of being knotty (but nice), Arlo’s just being nautical. Although I hear he really likes the cut of his wife’s jib!
Mary Worthless
July 27th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

I can hardly waIt for next summer’s blockbuster, Mary Worth, The Movie.

I hear rumors that the second unit in Italy is being directed by Benny Hill with music by Boots Randolph.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 27th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

A3G – Apparently, Luann hasn’t figured out how a door key works yet.

“Welcome home Luann! How did all the drama with your family work out!”
“Who knows, Margo ? It melted away!”
“Great! Everything’s comin’ up Margo! Now, who’s ready for more wine? It’s almost 8AM!”

LUANN – Then, when Tiffany walked out of the theatre, a bus drove by and splashed mud all over her, and didn’t even stop to let her get on. And while she was walking home, a pigeon shit on her head. Then, when she got home, she saw that her whole family had been chopped to bits with machetes. As she hanged herself in her closet, her last thoughts were “This never would have happened if only I hadn’t said “no way, loser!” when that creepy kid from 3rd period English, the one who always has his hands in his pockets and walks around muttering to himself, asked me to prom. I think his name was Gary or Greg or something….”
Trevor
July 27th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

Mary Worth

I choose to believe that, in the second panel, our crazed bow-tie wearing gentleman actually hurled the red shirted lad overboard.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

MW-You see that guy in the background jumping overboard, that’s Logic. Logic is taking a leap from this comic. Apparently the crew has already abandoned ship and there is only one lifeboat for all the passengers instead of the crew directing people to the lifeboats and keeping them calm or having enough lifeboats for all the passengers. “That’s it I am so outta here. I think I’ll head over to Mark Trail’s place or see what those ladies in Apartment 3G are up to.”

A3G-Hey, it’s what’s her face. You know that blonde who does that thing. The one who always wears a shirt.

FC-But this is the fun Olympics where you can see two men wrestle like the Ancient Greeks. At least they told me it was wrestling.

Gil Thorp-I’m no hero. I just lost my arm when I was masturbating and a bomb blew up near me.
Pozzo
July 27th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

MW: Man, it looks like bow-tie guy just swung out his arm wildly, sending stripey-shirt flying off the side of the ship. Which is probably funnier than anything the Browne-Walker folks have produced in years.
nescio
July 27th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

MW: “Thornton Melon has rigged up diving boards on the lower decks so we can Triple Lindy to safety. Follow his lead!”
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

A3G-Damnit, Tommie, this is why we have locks on the doors so strange people won’t just wander in off the street. Maybe if we stand perfectly still she won’t see us and leave.
C. Sandy Cyst
July 27th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

Wow, that Family Circus practically recaptions itself. Thanks, Jeffy!
Scott Free
July 27th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

MW: the guy in panel two obviously has telekinetic powers, and is able to send people flying long distances with a wave of his hand. This gift is obviously Nature’s way of compensating him for having to go through life looking like David Niven in a really, really bad toupee.
Chareth Cutestory
July 27th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: I prefer to think that the bow-tied gentleman was a mentalist performing on the cruise ship, who was, in fact, concealing very real mental powers. In his panic, he has realized that his only option is to telekinetically throwing fellow passengers over the railing.
Chareth Cutestory
July 27th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

@Scott Free (#10): Dang, you beat me to it!
pugfuggly
July 27th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

GA “Neither does your brother!” is going straight into my arsenal of one-size-fits-all retorts, right in there with ‘That’s what she said’, ‘Takes on to know one’ and ‘Your momma!’. So watch out, surly cashier at Wendy’s, I’ve got your number now…

MW John Waters is right: the only option in this situation is to leap into the air and take flight!

A3G Fun fact: the girls of A3G always greet each other by touching each other’s left breast. It’s an odd custom, but it’s the only way they can tell for sure that they’re not greeting an impostor.

ASMSo Clown-9 has moved from seeking vengeance on those who wronged him to petty theft at charity balls. I think he may have compromised his criminal vision a little.

MT “Those killers should be caught before they kill more animals! Geez, I hope they show up before 6, we’re having lamb chops tonight.”
Hibbleton
July 27th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

A3G: Not sure why Margo’s giving Lu Ann a pat down. Perhaps the metal detector is on the fritz.

MW: Dawn’s face is so like “Stop being such a drama queen. Life is brutal, yeah, yeah.”

RMMD: Rex beats a hasty retreat as June appears to be quite out of her mind.
Perky Bird
July 27th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

Maybe Mother Keane really should take a look at what her children are watching. They’ve accidentally tuned to the “adult entertainment” channel’s Triple-X Olympics. I won’t go into detail about what those events entail, but let’s just say it give new meaning to the phrase “pole vaulting.” And you don’t even want to think about the equestrian events.
Lynn
July 27th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

I have no idea what’s happening in that last Mary Worth panel, but it is definitely the most hilarious thing I’ve seen all week.
Lynn
July 27th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

The least hilarious thing I’ve seen all week is today’s Shoe. The joke wasn’t funny earlier this week, either.
Rebecca
July 27th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

If you are in a sinking cruise liner, do not just jump overboard! Make your way to the muster station and get on the lifeboat, yah idjit. At least put on a life-jacket first!
Frank Lee Meidere
July 27th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Doonesbury: And in financial news, a poor first quarter showing for the venerable Acme Company has been offset by second quarter gains. According to the company’s CFO, “The uncharacteristically large number of anvil sales to G. B. Trudeau are more than enough to cover our operating costs until Wiley Miller begins placing orders again.”

MW: Like others here, I’m having trouble interpreting the last panel. Are people who have fallen overboard being hurtled into the air by mysterious explosions, or is Walt Disney throwing passengers into the ocean?
Lynn
July 27th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Guy in panel two is Mandrake? Where’s his cape?
Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
July 27th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

MT: “Those killers should be caught before they kill more animals!” But after they kill one mutant little boy.
Mumblix Grumph
July 27th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

MW: Holy cow! J. Jonah Jamison has stolen Pee Wee Herman’s suit and telling you to jump into the ocean…that’s about the time I wake up screaming.
S.Stout
July 27th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

<b<Luann:

Popular Girl:
-Friends with everyone but the social outcast.
-Almost every boy in school wants to date her.
-Leads boys on for attention.
-Constantly mean to the social outcast.
-Has dreams but never does anything to fulfill them.
-Only talks about herself.

Social Outcast:
-Has no friends.
-Followed around by a girl who constantly belittles her.
-Has dreams and actively pursues them.
-Insults and lies to the popular girl to lash out against her.
-People come to her events strictly to make fun of her.
-Talks up her dreams to convince everyone she’s not a loser.

Of course, the popular girl is the bully Luann and the outcast is Tiffany, who today is given no support by her entire class which showed up to the movie premiere. “It’s funny because she has no friends and is going to cry at any moment!” Evans has the only syndicated strip where the lead character is a villain.
Peanut Gallery
July 27th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#Y368): The Dromedary got its hump at the “dairy” and the Bactrian went “back” for another hump? It’s pretty lame, but I could remember it.

Then I Googled it and found out about the D and B thing. Much more elegant, but it doesn’t help you remember the names themselves.
Peanut Gallery
July 27th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#Y405):

We’re just coming up to our 15th anniversary. I don’t remember her name though.

No comment here, I just wanted to quote that out of context. ;-)
Dood
July 27th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: David Niven’s right. The only option to get off this strip is to jump overboard.
Dennis Jimenez
July 27th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

FC – I’d actually watch the triple X olympiad….

GA – So, the snotty guy from the Lucy Show and Slim, going for the Gold in an Olympic Snot-off, not so much….

GT – So, Steve wants recognition he deserves for losing his arm in a meth lab explosion – well, who could blame him….

MW – Well, I’m having trouble making much sense of this – so the lifeboat drops in panel one – then Nimrod does an Olympic style gainer head first into the bottom of it, sure to produce a GT level spinal chord injury – then Dipty-Doo J. Jonah Jameson says, Come on, its the only option? I’m going with Felini film, since they’re in Italy, but I’m open to other reasonable explanations….

A3G – Margo is going for the gold in ta-ta massage – that’s my event, too….

Adios Amigos, DJ.
Dood
July 27th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: And I thought it was the script for the new storyline being delivered.
Tulip iz Tulip
July 27th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

I remember when Peanuts first ran this joke with Snoopy as the foil.

Sorry, Pat, real toon fans have long memories and don’t like ripoffs.

R.I.P. Sparky
Dood
July 27th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

@Dennis Jimenez (#27): What’s the motto of the Triple X Olympiad, “Harder, Longer, Stronger”?
Dono
July 27th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

And in sports, the Olympics record for the high jump was broken today–on the deck of a sinking cruise liner.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 27th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

GT: I’ve been harsh about Gil Thorp in the past, but I give it credit for being the only comic to tackle the unpleasant issue of citizens showing gratitude to veterans. (Not sure where it would stand on today’s Nancy.)
Callidus
July 27th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

FW: Oh great, Summer has been shot by anti-government rebels just feet away from the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro. Now we’re going to have to endure years of Les writing and plugging “Summer’s Story”.

A3g: Doesn’t Lu Ann have keys? I would like to think that Margo changed the locks when Lu Ann went to visit family, hoping to be rid of her at last. Luckilly for Lu Ann, Margo needed an excuse to get out of boring conversation with Tommie. Curses! Foiled again.
CanuckDownSouth
July 27th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

Jumping into the sea without first finding a lifejacket at the behest of a random panicked bowtie-wearing man reaches double-plus lunacy when you realize that you’re panicking over being a few minutes from a lifeboat after waiting an hour milling around on deck.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 27th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

FC – They have accidentally ordered “Not the Olympics: The XXX Parody” off the Spice Channel. This version focuses on water sports.
Doctor Handsome
July 27th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

NEXT WEEK IN GASOLINE ALLEY: Skeezix tries to send back soup in a restaurant, but the waiter refuses to take it, since there’s a fly in it. Skeezix says something about the backstroke, and sanity takes a monthlong vacation while the scene repeats itself two dozen times.
Powers
July 27th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

@Tulip iz Tulip (#29): Which joke do you mean?
geekwhisperer
July 27th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

MW Ok, know I know it makes for a far more interesting cruise to spend the lifejacket budget on buttons of fresh Peyote for everyone, but this is the kind of thing that happens. Now you know.

And knowing is half the battle.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 27th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Luann: This is beyond snark. Seriously. It’s like somebody throwing a kitten under a bus and expecting you to laugh.
Dennis Jimenez
July 27th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#35): Um, sure, Bil – accidentally….
LEBJUM FEJF
July 27th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

May Mary- For God sakes man, if Floyd the barber tells you it’s your only option, JUMP!
Dawn Weston
July 27th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

Sigh. Seeing that guy in the red shirt reminds me of when Dave used to go muff-diving.
Doctor Handsome
July 27th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

I know NBC’s ratings are struggling, but holy shit has their graphics department taken a budgetary hit.
Droopy Says
July 27th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

Luann: One of the many, many sad things here is that we didn’t get any scenes from the worst movie ever made. What’s the problem, Evans? Here was a chance to play to your strength!
AndyL
July 27th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

If I’m ever in a situation where there won’t be enough old-fashioned 1940s style life boats for me to save myself, I’m going to take a queue from bow-tie guy here and loudly shout that my fellow passengers should jump in the ocean to save themselves. See if that doesn’t free up a couple of seats.
Tulip iz Tulip
July 27th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

@Powers (#37):

Sorry, I don’t have the anthology here at “work”, but basically, Snoopy is hanging out with a bunch of birds and attempts to fly off with them when they leave. If my Plugger memory serves me right, todays Rose is Rose is almost a direct ripoff.

I can go into the bowels of my basement tonight and dig it up but I am willing to bet a fellow ‘mudge can do it sooner.
Tom D.
July 27th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

About “Gil Thorpe”: I am retired Navy (24 years) about five years ago I went to my cousin’s wedding in uniform and someone came up, shook my hand and thanked me. It did make me feel weird, I did deploy but never to Iraq or Afghanistan. And I don’t feel comfortable assuming that every soldier, sailor, airman or Marine is a “hero”. I think they are brave and selfless, but, serving, in my opinion, does not make you a hero. LCPL Hilario Lopez, who lived accross the street from me and died while providing covering fire so another Marine could be taken to safety is a hero. Some guy sitting in a cubicle in a safe building in Baghdad maybe not so much. So I can understand how the character in “Gil Thorpe” might feel that way. I am not in anyway saying that those who serve are not deserving of acccolades but I just don’t see how they all can be heroes. Well I guess I’ll stand by for the flames.
Doctor Handsome
July 27th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

“Who’d bug us at 8 AM? Don’t they know only people with jobs are up at this hour?”
Ranger™
July 27th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): I don’t have a clew what you’re talking about.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 27th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#39):

Yes, if the kitten was EVIL and needed to be crushed in order to send a message to others who might dare to actually act on their hopes and dreams.

The downward trajectory of the Crystal character continues:

“Hey Crystal! Your friend Tiffany is probably feeling pretty down about the way the movie bombed. Shouldn’t you be over there rubbing it in with sarcastic quips?”

“No. Best to let her sit alone and stew in her failure. I’ll wait until tomorrow at school to follow-up and rub her nose in it.”
TheDiva
July 27th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

FC: Flatscreens are, of course, notoriously easy to unbalance if not properly secured and have severely injured several young children by doing just that. However, if Mama Keane is so desperate to unburden herself of her brood, surely she doesn’t need to sacrifice the family’s new expensive entertainment center for the purpose? A conveniently open cupboard of cleaning supplies should do the trick just as easily.

MW: I guess this is supposed to be a case of mad panic, but since there’s no way of getting to the one rickety lifeboat and no crew members to help them, I guess throwing oneself overboard is the only option.
Roto13
July 27th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

No joke: I actually, sincerely, honestly thought, at a glance, that today’s Mary Worth was actually today’s Spider-Man.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#19): If your problems really are nails, then the tool you need is a hammer.
UncleJeff
July 27th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

@Dood (#30): and bigger. Much bigger.
Doctor Handsome
July 27th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

Homeless Grown-up Archie sure is bitter about losing his arm. Or maybe just about being friends with Gil.
Nekrotzar
July 27th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

Look, there’s a completely functional and inexplicably unoccupied lifeboat barely six feet away from us. We’re not going to make it! What should we do?

Look at the bitterness on the GA salesmen’s face: “My agent told me I’d be playing a salesman at a high end electronics store. He said it would be my big break. He didn’t tell me my customers would be yokels who failed the Snuffy Sniff entrance exam.”
Crankenstank
July 27th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

Skeezix is in a hurry to get back to his tea party rally, so he can vote against the socialist Nazis who have ruined this country by introducing DVD players, Women’s liberation, “those people”, automatic transmissions, and indoor plumbing. He should know because he was born during the McKinley administration, when people saw moving pictures the way God intended them to, as a pile of stereopticon flip cards in the penny arcade.
Santa Royale With Cheese
July 27th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

FC: This year, the summer Olympics are a PowerPoint presentation.

GA: Gahhhh, Skeezix looks like one of my “more vocal” tenants. It’s too early in the morning for that.

JP, panel 3: Annnnd finally, the money shot. Was it good for you?
odinthor
July 27th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

9CL. — I laughed. And at a Thorax-included strip. I am going to have my pharmacist double-check my pills.

Crankshaft. — New landscaping always looks “better” than everything else . . . for about a month, until the cheap flashy things reach the end of their bloom cycle/life, and the poor gardening techniques of the actual owners become manifest.

GT. — What, Steve? You don’t want to shake hands with Cliff from Brewster Rockit? Not very sociable, dude. Folks in the Comics gotta stick together.
UncleJeff
July 27th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

@Tom D. (#47): My father was a military police officer during the 2nd World War.
He was involved in the investigation of murders and rape of civilians committed by US soldiers along with many cases of smuggling, loan sharking and other crimes.
He would scoff at the “Greatest Generation” rhetoric, saying “not everybody who served was a hero.”

But, back in Gilworld…we haven’t really had any indication of what Steve was up to in the service. Was he part of a Ranger unit in Afghanistan or working the meat slicer while on KP in Topeka?
Hibbleton
July 27th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

MW: Judging by that superbly athletic leap into oblivion, it might have been a mistake to send Italy’s Olympic team to London via Concordia cruise line.
gnemec
July 27th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

Look at the alarm on Tommie’s face when the doorbell rings. She suspects that an early morning visitor will be more exciting than her “I delivered a baby” story. Lu Ann enters, and Tommie turns her back in resentment, knowing that her moment of glory is over.
fillmoreeast
July 27th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

MW: We’re never going to make it! That lifeboat’s, like, fifteen feet away and there are seven people between us and it! Let’s heed Ernie Kovacs here and hurl ourselves into the wine-dark sea!
Ed Dravecky
July 27th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

What? Josh’s Kickstarter isn’t to $20K yet? Well, here’s $35 to try and fix that. (So close, and just a couple hours left to make it.)
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

@Tom D. (#47): I’m with you. “Hero” is a term vastly overused, particularly by the class of people Kipling called “jelly-bellied flag-flappers.” (Stalky & Co.)

Anyway, simply being a victim of misfortune doesn’t make you a hero. Simply wearing a uniform doesn’t make you a hero. And being a victim of misfortune, such as losing an arm, while wearing a uniform… nope, not necessarily a hero either.

People who actually wore uniforms know this. Or knew it once. Maybe some of them just got too old and forgot.

Kudos to Gil Thorp.
Jocelyn Knockersbury
July 27th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

MW: Time is out of sequence, which explains why we’re seeing someone’s splash before they even touch the water, and why Waldo Lydecker has appeared on deck. And he’s bitchy as ever, I see.

A3G: If it wasn’t for Josh, I would have had no idea that was Lu Ann. And why is she so far away?
UncleJeff
July 27th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

MW: C’mon everybody…let’s stop being ridiculous. There’s no way that Mr. Bowtie is flinging people into the ocean either with mental telekinesis or a wave of his might backhard.
You clearly don’t see the off-panel emergency passenger catapult which is now standard equipment on sea-going ships catering to Wilbur-class customers.

Luann: Boy, are the non-ironic Luann fans on GoComics wallowing in schadenfreude today at poor Tiffany’s expense.

GA: Hit him, Skeezix. Hit him right in the head with that DVD player.
Then, you can go to prison and won’t have to worry anymore about the dadburn gummint messing with your Social Security and Medicare.
Dennis Jimenez
July 27th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#65): My old dad’s favorite was, Patriotism is the last bastion of a scoundrel…
Ed Dravecky
July 27th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

Timelord Hitler is right! Fleeing this disaster in his invisible Tardis is the only option.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

JP: So, to borrow a line from an old Dilbert, your hobby is torturing fish?

Love is…: I’m unsubscribing LI from my Darkgate list… next we’ll have love handles and muffin tops – oh, wait. They don’t wear clothes, we’re cool.

MW: ~~“C’mon, it’s the only option!” says the guy with the bowtie, as he hurls people over the side. That’s one method for getting to the front of the lifeboat line.~~ Too slow again!

NS: Obviously jokes can, and should be, recycled. But Gary Larson did this so much better.

Pickles: This is absolutely true about dogs, as I have learned since I got one recently. It deserves being restated, as a warning to children, and newbies like me. However, Crane used this same joke a few months back, with the dog at the dinner table, and it worked better.

Piranha Club: Another recycled joke! Dr. Johnson, “…A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.” (He was wrong.)

But now we know where Effy gets all those octopus recipes!

Pluggers: You’re a plugger if you are an old Republican? I guess probably, yes.

// Did the Dole campaign give out promotional emory boards? Really? No, I believe it. Brookins could not make that up.

// How, then, did Dole NOT get to be president?! Did Bill Clinton give out q-tips, or some other personal hygeine product? I wish someone would suggest that to Romney or Obama. I could use some emory boards.
tb4000
July 27th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

Luann: Couldn’t let her have this one, could you Evans?
TheDiva
July 27th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

A3G: Well, Margo, ask a silly question…

9CL: Very good, now just say that to the author.

C’shaft: Ah, so this week has actually been an angry tract against the welfare state.

FW: Huzzah! The arc’s almost over!

Luann: Look, I’ll admit to having revenge fantasies where the popular mean girls got theirs, but I outgrew that when I finally figured out how to be comfortable in my own skin and realized that I neither needed nor desired the good opinion of the “in” crowd. I’m not sure whether to pity Evans or back away from him in disgust and fright.

MT: Rusty is going to try to catch a pair of seasoned killers. This should end well.

Pibgorn: TL;DR: “Guess what? I discovered conflict is more interesting if the characters involved are equally matched! Surely no other writer has made such an innovation!”

Pluggers hold bitter, resentful, and pointless grudges for a very long time.
Archivalist
July 27th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

Clearly Bow-Tie pushed the Red Shirt into the sea. (Thus the curse of the Red Shirt.)

EDIT: Clearly, I’m not the only sick bastard around here.
seismic-2
July 27th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

“C’mon, it’s the only option! It’s time to resort to cannibalism! Hey there, chubby sandwich guy…”
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

@Dennis Jimenez (#68): Your dad was Dr. Johnson! How cool is that!
Mibbitmaker
July 27th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

New today’s Pop Culture’s Kids (noir story) is now up!

ALERT to CC’ers (esp. numero uno): take special note of Gennica Flowjonesky’s “foreign language” dialogue today!

Storyline wraps up tomorrow.
dmsilev
July 27th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

I think people are looking at the flying man the wrong way. As the roiled sea surface clearly demonstrates, he was flung *out* of the ocean. Presumably by the large shark circling just underneath the surface, who isn’t interested in appetizers but is waiting for the main course.
pugfuggly
July 27th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

@TheDiva (#72):

A3G: Well, Margo, ask a silly question…

…grope a stupid person?
pccmdoc
July 27th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

Clearly bow-tie guy is wrong. The red-shirt guy is doing a modified version of the forward straddle technique. Most competitors in the high jump today use the Fosbury flop, named for Dick Fosbury who popularized it and won the gold in Mexico City in 1968. There is always more than one way.
Dennis Jimenez
July 27th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#75): He also liked, When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in a flag, singing God bless America, wearing the face of Will Rogers – he must have been H. L. Meinkin, too….
bats :[
July 27th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Certainly not as funny as the associated snark here, but you can scroll to the FW next to it and feel a little happy. :)
seismic-2
July 27th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

A3G: “Margo yanks open the door, and…” Immediately slams it shut again, apparently. Leave it to Lu Ann to slip through the cracks, though.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

MW-If we jump over board we might be able to break the fourth wall and then we can escape to any comic strip that we want to.
Fashonista
July 27th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#70): Love is…: I’m unsubscribing LI from my Darkgate list… next we’ll have love handles and muffin tops – oh, wait. They don’t wear clothes, we’re cool.

Ever been to a nudist colony? It’s funny, but once you get used to it, even seriously overweight people look better without clothes. Any fashionista knows you have to be thin and fit to look good in clothes. Unless you have a really, really good tailor.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 27th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

MT: I do have to hand it to Elrod here: We’ve mocked Rusty for his repeated (incessant?) use of the word “killers,” but that’s far more accurate than “hunters” in this case.

So here’s my dilemma:

On the one hand, I agree with Rusty: Those cheap-shot bastards are killers, and those kinds of morons who fancy themselves hunters should endure the worst kinds of punishment—many degrees greater than a mere Fist o’ Justice.

On the other hand, I agree with Rusty: GAH.

MW: I have a whopping sinus headache, and it’s hot, and I’m tired, and I’m crabby, so at first, today’s strip just irritated the hell out of me. And then I read everyone’s terrifically funny snark here, and while it didn’t cure the headache, it did at least make me laugh!
flatsixes
July 27th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: We should all follow the guy in the red shirt and abandonthis sinking story line. It’s the only option.
TheSilentG
July 27th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

Gasoline Alley: Since when did Mr. Belvedere get a job at Best Buy?
Esther Blodgett
July 27th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

@Doctor Handsome (#43): This had me giggling helplessly at my desk. I had to pretend the spreadsheet I was working on was really, really funny. And that I was working on a spreadsheet.
bats :[
July 27th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#85): when I have a sinus headache, I’m usually congested as all get out. Now think of taking a powerful decongestant and blowing that guy in Panel 2 out your nose at hurricane force!
Pretty funny, huh? :D
Frank Lee Meidere
July 27th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#53): Then anvils are still too much. The old Trudeau could have done a much more subtle and humorous job here — the subject matter is rife for great satire.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

@Dennis Jimenez (#80): Heh. I am in awe of your distiguished family.

// Will Rogers wrote my favorite political joke, that, amazingly, still works after eighty some years. “I’m not a member of an organized political party. I’m a Democrat.”
Government Cheese
July 27th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

MW: A panicky Vincent Price just wants to see Dawn strip down to her Charterstone panties before she jumps overboard. Unfortunately we’ll only get to see Wilbur in his “Mary Worth and Me” bikini bottom.
pastordan
July 27th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#65): Max Cleland, the former Senator from Georgia who lost an arm and a leg in the service, hates being called a hero. He’s very clear that it was the result of his carelessness handling a grenade, and not some romantic sacrifice.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

3G – Margo’s so anxious to give Lu Ann a feel (unless that’s Beth — how can we be sure?) that she’s stretched her arm to a freakish new length.

Snuffy – “Aunt Lo–”
I’ve been pronouncing her name wrong all these years.
Oh well. I’m still bodacious. Aw Aw AWWW!
Gringo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Speaking of Olympics …

Thanks to the reference to the London Games, we now know that the Wizard of Id is set in either the 20th or 21st centuries. Today’s strip must take place in 1908, 1948 or 2012. So, to account for all its anachronisms, the kingdom must be Grand Fenwick, which makes the King the son of the Duchess.
Oh, Bobo!
Frank Lee Meidere
July 27th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

9CL: As much as I knock Brooke, he’s too good for this to be some kind of slip-up, so can someone explain how Edda and Thorax are having an e-mail exchange when Thorax is using a typewriter?
Mibbitmaker
July 27th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

Will check earlier posts afterwards, so oversnarpologies if needed….

FC: Note how the TV is put directly on the floor, yet still inside an entertainment center. I’ve drawn a modern-type TV directly on the floor in PCK (the John McCain on “Fallon” strip), to make up for initially drawing the old-style TV in the strip. However, if I thought to put that TV in an entertainment center, it wouldn’t be on the floor!
…
Unusually funny FC today, though.

GA: I don’t have this strip on my Darkgate comics page anymore, so this is the first I’ve seen of their Frank Nelson doppelganger (as mentioned earlier on CC). Really, Scancarelli, I love old-style pop culture references in a work, but the ones in GA just aren’t so good. Please stop.

MW: The bowtied guy is going against the laws of physics and proper perspective and pushing that other guy overboard! “It’s the only way, whether you like it or not!”

A3G, panel 1: “…because the only obnoxious person I know is ME!”
Joshua
July 27th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

@S.Stout (#23): I doubt that Luann is the only syndicated strip where the lead character is a villain. Crock would certainly qualify, if it were still being published.
kingklash
July 27th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

I can’t tell, is that one guy leaping over the rail, or did he just jump out of the water like a dolphin?
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 27th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#89): It’s the only option!
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Smirky – Hooray! The summit is in sight! Soon we can strangle Les and leave his lifeless body propped at the top as a caution to smarmy smartasses everywhere.

Cucaracha – In that world, the taco guy would get sued for using the Olympics logo. In this one, it’d just be the cartoonist. And his syndicate. And anybody who looks.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

FC-Dolly, don’t add to Jeffy’s gender identity disorder by calling him “Mommy”.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#90): It’s rife for anvils too. They have their uses. But maybe I think that because I’m living right in the middle of it, in the black heart of Dixie. You may be capable of more perspective than I can muster at the moment.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 27th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

9CL: Also — I laughed, okay? But then I wasn’t sure what I was laughing at. Did Thorax straighten Edda out by showing her that she should say yes to Amos because the alternative is a disgusting liaison with Thorax (which doesn’t make sense), or did he straighten Edda out by showing her that her response to Amos should be, “Drop dead, you disgusting pervert” (which also doesn’t make sense)?
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Family – Just think: the last time they used this gag must have been forty years ago!

Ziggy – Your agent can’t get you a better part because there’s so little market these days for a hairless, pantsless loser with no toes trying to remember how to do the Charleston.
Gringo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

I also like the fact that the Keane family has dated to a flat-panel TV but remain devoted to their 1985 Sylvania VCR.
Gringo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

@Gringo (#106): That’s “updated,” but I could see various Keanes actually dating a TV.
The Silent Penultimate Panel
July 27th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

When Clown 9 first made his appearance I knew that if there was any justice in this world this “villain” would remain at large forever, and the Amazing Spider-Man newspaper strip would consist of this amazing storyline going on forever and ever and ever. But when I remembered that “justice” in this strip has involved Spidey pulling out a comically large vacuum cleaner or sitting by watching Wolverine and Sabretooth beat each other senseless, I sadly admitted to myself that Clown 9 was not long for this world. He’ll accidentally knock himself unconscious with his own hand buzzer or something and we’ll move on to a lame storyline with the Fantastic Four or something.
seismic-2
July 27th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

MW: OK, just what the Hell is going on in Panel 2, anyway? Did Laurence Olivier just tell Poseidon to release the Kraken?
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#y371): Got it! “King Philip Came Over for Gay Sex with My Very Excellent Mother just serving us nine ~~pizzas~~, behind victory garden walls”.

Too ambitious. Too ambiguous. I prefer to concentrate. “My Eleven Ripe Cantaloupes Ultimately Return Your Very Evil Nurse Unto Sam’s Elevated Anterior Retroactive Thrusting Heavenly Mom’s Aunt’s Reversible Satanic Jalopy, Unless Plausibly Iterating Twin Elvises Reverse Said Aunt, Turning Ugly Radishes — Never Ugly Raisins — And Normally Unusable Salads Nicely Eaten, Provided They Understand Nobody Ever Profited Largely Unless They Overstated Calculated Earnings Reports, Especially Supremely Cretinous Harpies And Robotic Overlords; Nonetheless, Xenophobia Exists Near Arkansas.”

@seismic-2 (#y373): Is Schrodinger’s bat kept in the same box as Schrodinger’s balls?
Um, I’m uncertain.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

MT-Poor Rusty. The death of the sheep has bothered him so. Next he will be dying his hair black, dressing in all black clothes, and writing bad poetry about the dead sheep.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#y387): Remember that it was George III who dispatched H.M.S. Bounty to Tahiti under Captain Bligh, in an attempt to transplant breadfruit from the South Pacific to the British West Indies, so that it could be used as food for the slaves in the sugar plantations. Not one of his better agricultural ideas, as it turned out.
To be fair, there were other factors in play. (I read Bligh’s account of the event. Somebody’s not being entirely truthful.)

@Crankenstank (#57): …stereopticon flip cards in the penny arcade.
There’s no such thing. A stereopticon was a sort of slide projector with two lenses for quicker changing of scenes. Perhaps you are thinking of a stereoscope. I don’t recall ever seeing flip cards like that (by coincidence, I was looking at the mutoscopes at the Eastman House yesterday) in an arcade machine, but that would have been so damn cool that I hope there are some somewhere.
Gringo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

Merrily Worthless: The guy in panel 2 brings this to mind.
Gringo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

A3-G: Acually, Lu Ann hasn’t been in South Dakota all these weeks. She was driving back from New Jersey after escaping the crazed Linzi cult and simply forgot how to get home.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#60): But, back in Gilworld…we haven’t really had any indication of what Steve was up to in the service. Was he part of a Ranger unit in Afghanistan or working the meat slicer while on KP in Topeka?
He was totally motivated on his first day of basic training, and everything went kind of blurry after the sarge said “Present Arms!”

@Nehemiah Scudder (#65): I don’t know. People who volunteered didn’t know they’d be behind a desk for sure, and a safe building in Baghdad is a good deal less safe than the one I’m in now. Dad trained to be a pilot, and there’s one picture of him dressed appropriately, and that’s about all I ever got out of him. Mom’s brother was training to be a pilot and was killed in a crash in ’43, just for comparison.
pastordan
July 27th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

Arlo and Janis: Smut.

Apt. 3-G: As pointed out by pugfugly, smut.

9 Chickweed Lane: Confusing smut. How you do connect a manual typewriter to email?

Cyanide and Happiness: Killer whale smut.

Family Circle: Oh, yeah. Also, did you know that one of the attacks on Mitt Romney during the primaries was that he didn’t push Marriott hotels hard enough (that’s what she said) to get rid of porn on their cable teevees?

Luan: Not smut, which is probably Tiffany’s problem and Evans’ disappointment.

Mary Worth: Not smut, but it is a gift that just keeps on giving.

Nancy: Smut, whenever Fritzi shows up.

One Big Happy: Smu–okay, I’m not going there.

The Heart of Juliet Jones: Not smut. Latency.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#96): There is actually a device out there, my wife showed it to me on the web, where you can take this kit and convert an old electric typewriter into a working computer keyboard. I suppose you could do the same with a manual typewriter as well. It wouldn’t be that hard in theory, and someday, when I have lots of money, a year or so of spare time, and absolutely nothing better to do, I might try it.

// Of course, you know the answer is that Thorax is some sort of demi-god, and he could write his replies with a quill pen, and it would appear on the Internet if he wished it. He could in fact, simply think his reply on to the web, but perhaps he finds the typewriter a useful net for his mental tennis game.
Gringo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

Also, why does Lu Ann feel compelled to ring the bell at her own apartment? Can’t she just let herself in?
missal
July 27th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

@Roto13 (#52): And so another venerable (i.e, old) comic strip retires to Clip Art Country. But it’s too bad they turned J. Jonah Jameson into Adolphe Menjou. I guess that’s what happens when you poach another strip.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#96): …can someone explain how Edda and Thorax are having an e-mail exchange when Thorax is using a typewriter?
Brooke has thoughtfully edited out the four days between each exchange. Otherwise, this strip would be slower than Rusty Trail.

@Nehemiah Scudder (#103): There’s a time for a feather, and there’s a time for anvils. Sometimes you use both.

@Liam (#111): Poor Rusty. The death of the sheep has bothered him so. Next he will be dying his hair black, dressing in all black clothes, and writing bad poetry about the dead sheep.

Or maybe he’ll go the other route and become GOAT MAN!! (Truman??)
giraffe-o
July 27th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

MW : Grey Bow Tie Guy’s dialog should be : “You two must embrace death in the raging waters below, before more people take the plunge just to escape your moping. C’mon, it’s the only option!”
FC : This panel clearly is recycled – why is Dolly looking directly at Jeffy, but calling out for Mommy?
Frank Lee Meidere
July 27th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#103): I’m just remembering his treatment of the investigations into the “secret bombings” in Vietnam, back in the ’70s. In comparison, this is like a 19th century political cartoon. I guess, too, the actual issue itself doesn’t strike me as anything too earth-shaking since we did exactly the same thing in Canada a couple of years ago, without a lot of accusations of racism. But then, photo ID isn’t difficult to obtain up here, and I haven’t been following the State-side version at all, so there could be massive differences.

(Just looked it up — it was 2008 — although I thought it was more recent than that.)
Rusty Trail
July 27th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

@Liam (#111): Bad?

That poor bighorn sheep
He cannot bleat a peep
His death is too bad
And it makes me sad
And it makes me mad
I hope they catch the killers
And—

. . . .

Well, darn.
Dennis Jimenez
July 27th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#91): Damn – dad copped that one, too….
Droopy Says
July 27th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

Family Circus: The melonheads don’t think they’re about to see naughty pictures. Bil and Thel have carefully explained to them that XXX is what Snuffy Smith puts on his moonshine jugs and that drinking moonshine is a bad thing. The kids find this no more confusing than anything else their parents teach them.
Gringo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#70): Did Bill Clinton give out q-tips, or some other personal hygeine product?

Clinton actually handed out cigars. You don’t want to know what they had been dipped in.
Erich Clapton
July 27th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

@Tom D. (#47): No flame spraying here. When people thank me “for your service (I only did 21 years; I was a real quitter)”, I have difficulty saying “I didn’t do it (serve) so you could feel good about yourself.” I find these platitudes are just that; a way for people to momentarily feel good about themselves and then get on with their lives. Here’s a plea, not only from myself but others in the various organizations with which I’m associated (VFW, American Legion, Military Officers Association of America): Don’t give the rote response when you see someone in uniform or someone who has served. Save it for the guys (and girls) who are learning to walk on fake legs. They deserve your thanks. When I visit the people in the local VA, I have difficulty getting through the visits without becoming misty-eyed. You should try it.
Dood
July 27th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: Do you think Dawn knows how to make a Wilbur float?
captainswift
July 27th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

“Howard Sprague from TV’s is right! Everyone over the side!”
pastordan
July 27th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#117): @Frank Lee Meidere (#96): It’s called a USB typewriter, and the conversion is neither difficult nor expensive. It does however require some kind of screen, which seems to be missing here.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

GA-It’s funny because old people can’t use new technology. No wait it’s not funny it’s a tired and worn out joke.
captainswift
July 27th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

@captainswift (#129): Mm-hmm. That should have been TV’s The Andy Griffith Show.
Gringo
July 27th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

@dmsilev (#77): I think people are looking at the flying man the wrong way

I wonder: Is he the same Flying Man from Northern Exposure?
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#115):

@Nehemiah Scudder (#65): I don’t know. People who volunteered didn’t know they’d be behind a desk for sure, and a safe building in Baghdad is a good deal less safe than the one I’m in now. Dad trained to be a pilot, and there’s one picture of him dressed appropriately, and that’s about all I ever got out of him. Mom’s brother was training to be a pilot and was killed in a crash in ’43, just for comparison.

Point taken. But I volunteered myself. I was relatively safe for the twenty some years I was in, there were a couple of times… but never mind. It could have easily been much different. You put on a uniform, whatever branch, and there is always the real possibility that some idiot with more stripes on his sleeve than you will order you to charge a machine gun nest at the top of a hill. And you have to do it. The mere possibility of this happening doesn’t make you a hero.

My last tour was stateside. I had to do a lot of funerals as a member of an honor guard. People, family members of the deceased, would come up to us after the ceremony, and thank us for our service. One was polite, of course, but it always made me uncomfortable, like Scott in Gil Thorp today. I get it.

// I kid. Actually my favorite thing is to put on my old dress canvas, medals and all, and strut around downtown on patriotic holidays, basking in glow of my fellow citizen’s admiration. Sometimes I get free drinks and everything!
TheDiva
July 27th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#104): Maybe because Thorax is often the author’s mouthpiece, and the idea of Edda telling McEldowney “Drop dead, you disgusting pervert!” is inherently amusing?
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#110): Now that’s a fine mnemonic! So, the Bactrian comes out of the ceiling, and the stalagmite has two humps, right?
Vanya
July 27th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

MW: I continue to be impressed by Moy & Giella’s commitment to excising anything even resembling Italy, the Italian language or an actual Italian from this story line.
Dan
July 27th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: 24 Hour Porpoise People.
hogenmogen
July 27th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

“It’s the ONLY option! Which I am goading you into, but am not taking for myself! The lifeboat is NOT an option (for you). It will only have electrical problems like this boat and sink. Jump, I say, JUMP! At least jump out of my way, you bloated comb-over!”
Jim North
July 27th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

A3G: “Seriously, Tommie, look! I have no idea who this person is!”

Blondie: Probably very few runners in the Olympics ever have to run back to the starting line because they forgot their briefcase.

DT: Hey, remember Frizzletop’s husband, Dennis O’Copper? No? Well don’t worry, this is only a cardboard cutout of him anyway.

FW: Welcome to the peak of Mt. Kilimanjaro! The suicide jump line starts here ===>

GT: One-armed Steve is annoyed at people treating him like he lost his arm in the war like a hero. He keeps telling them but they never listen . . . he was in the automatic car wash one day and he forgot to roll up his window!

HtH: Some people can make the act of explaining a joke funny itself. Walker-Browne Amalgamated are not those people.

MW: Sometimes I get the feeling that the folks that make newspaper comics are completely convinced that no one anywhere ever reads their creations and therefore just make up whatever ridiculous crap they think they can get away with in a futile attempt to amuse themselves alone.

@Frank Lee Meidere (#96): As I understand it, Thorax is supposed to be some kind of maybe-alien or something. Basically the trickster god of the strip, like an especially erudite Mr. Mxyzptlk.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

@pastordan (#93): I didn’t know that. Good for him. Probably too honest to be in politics.

// Perhaps that’s why his loathsome opponent, who took the Senate seat away from him, accused him of being soft on terrorism.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 27th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

Blondie just banged Dag in the front door.

JP: o great SCHULZ! (Avery just did a Marvin in his waders.)

Mutts: *doubletake*

MG&G: might have approached the same Zip code as “funny” if it had been an Akita, Shiba Inu, or some other recognizable Japanese breed.

RMMD: once again, June hopes for a “lump” in bed, and Rex fails and bails.

SFx: take a bow, Shane Moody, Age 10!

A&J: shibari lessons!!!!

Doons: ok, I laughed at this one.

LaCuc: *golf clap*

Lio: guest starring The Hand of God from Sinfest.

R&R: *agrees*
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 27th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Love Is. . . letting him think he’s filled your wrinkle.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#120): There’s a time for a feather, and there’s a time for anvils. Sometimes you use both.

“A Time for Anvils” would be a great title for a book. If I ever write it, I hope I remember to credit you.
Dood
July 27th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

What would be Margo’s event in the Triple X Olympiad?
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#y318):

“Oh, god. That reminds me of some terrifying horse fic someone once quoted from in which the writers use words like “oculars” in place of eyes, only it’s not just eyes that they do this to, but every. single. thing. “His lambent oculars transected space sunwise in the valiant steed’s ivory braincase” instead of “he looked to the left,” for example. *twitch*”

If you liked THE EYE OF ARGON, you’ll *love* THE OCULAR OF ARGON!!
captainswift
July 27th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

@Dood (#145): Feeling up LuAnn, for starters, if today’s strip is any indication.
Square root of negative 1
July 27th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#120): There’s a time for a feather, and there’s a time for anvils.

Ecclesiastes, right? That’s in that old Pete Seegar song, Turn Turn Turn.
JD
July 27th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

I’m less concerned about the rising water in panel two of Mary Worth than I am about the WWI-era wooden rowboat the ship has in panel one. Maybe it’s all a dream and the person dreaming it has only ever seen Titanic. Or else that’s the artist’s only frame of reference for a lifeboat.
the good ship thetis
July 27th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

I used to live in a NYC neighborhood which had a lot of elderly Russians, who would sit out on the park benches along the street. One spring day I noticed most of the men were wearing medals and I remembered it was VE Day, which I believe is still a holiday in Russia. A year later, when it happened again, I went up to one, pointed at his medal, and shook his hand. It was kind of moving to me, I certainly felt that for most Americans the Russian contribution to WWII is forgotten. (Then I thought about the Russians in Berlin…then I decided this was all too complicated and I was late for work.)
On the other hand, I was photographing a WWI memorial outside the Brooklyn Public Library one day when a man came up, saluted the plaque and said, “They died for you!” I thought, “I didn’t ask to be died for.”
Lynn
July 27th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

thank you Jim North (#140) for giving me the uplifting image of Les in the same pose as the guy in Mary Worth, as he leaps/is thrown to his death from the top of Kilimanjaro.
The Fake Macoy
July 27th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

RMMD – Rex decides to keep the money at home, rather than putting it in a bank where it can collect interest because banks follow “their rules, not ours!” I’ve been here too long, all the terrible strips are melting into one.
Downpuppy
July 27th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

@pugfuggly (#13): No, your other left. Tommie is so upset about missing out that her shirt has developed a collar and buttons.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

@Gringo (#126): Clinton actually handed out cigars. You don’t want to know what they had been dipped in.
[crafty eyebrows] …Pronoun trouble! [/brows]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#136): Now that’s a fine mnemonic! So, the Bactrian comes out of the ceiling, and the stalagmite has two humps, right?
Only on TUESDAY! Jeez, why do I get out of bed??

@Jim North (#140): Welcome to the peak of Mt. Kilimanjaro! The suicide jump line starts here ===>
It’s the ONLY option!

@Square root of negative 1 (#148): Ecclesiastes, right?
Yes. Chapter pi, verse e.

@the good ship thetis (#150): I wish I had that photo of Martin Smith, passed out and bedecked with a sign one of his friends thoughtfully made that said something like “Died in Germany Defending Your Lot; Please Give Generously.”
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

Obviously one doesn’t always see comments posted while one is editing one’s own comments…
Square root of negative 1
July 27th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

@pastordan (#130): Cool, that’s better than the one my wife showed me!

// The screen is probably built into Thorax’s glasses. Bluetooth, prob.. Or maybe, it’s just off screen.
But What Do I Know?
July 27th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

@Chareth Cutestory (#11): Isn’t that just Mandrake on vacation?
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#y405):

“We’re just coming up to our 15th anniversary. I don’t remember her name though.”

That must be very awkward when you’re out in public and have to introduce her. “Hi, I’m Mr. O’Malley and this is my wife of fourteen-plus years, Whatsername.”
Illustrator Steve
July 27th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

MT – Appearantly those darn old mountains in the darn old southern part of the state have no darn old vultures or darn old scavangers. Because, if there were any darn old vultures in the area that darn old bighorn’s bones would have been picked clean by now and they would have carried that darn old little creep, Rusty, off to their nest to feed the darn old little vultures, darn it.
pugfuggly
July 27th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

@Downpuppy (#153):

Dangit…left hand, right boob. I keep forgetting where they inserted the Mammary ID Chip…
DOlz
July 27th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

FC – Josh, given your obsession of the Keene family electronics, I just thought I would point out that the device on top of the TV is probably a Laser Disc player based on the opening tray size.
But What Do I Know?
July 27th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

FC — I guess it’s safe to assume that Thel didn’t take Jeffy to Motherboy XXX either. . .
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 27th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

ok folks, drop everything and go watch this Bob Ross tribute video courtesy of PBS. I’ll wait here for you to get back.

.

.

.

remember the iguana .gif a few days back?? here’s a turtle with similar issues.

meanwhile, in Pluggers.

for commodorejohn.

iz fluffy.

ikkle otter pups.

corgi be trippin’ balls.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 27th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

Piranha Club: Actually sounds like an awesome marinade to me.

FastTrack: I had to look up the “Harold and Maude” reference — sounds like a really wierd movie.
Lynn
July 27th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

GT: Steve does a pretty good job drawing those freckles on with an eyebrow pencil, for a guy with only one arm.
Lynn
July 27th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

Mwa-ha-ha-ha, I just saw the ‘cuss skunk’ banner. Ha ha ha ha…
bats :[
July 27th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

Eh. Who wants to live forever?
Dood
July 27th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: That’s right, Wilbur, and, no, we ain’t gonna take it. Anymore.
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

@Scott Free (#10):

“MW: the guy in panel two obviously has telekinetic powers, and is able to send people flying long distances with a wave of his hand.”

That’s little Anthony Fremont, all grown up and everything. He got bored with always just sending people to the same old corn field.
seismic-2
July 27th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#144): “A Time for Anvils” would be a great title for a book.

I don’t know – it sounds too much like Michael Patterson’s latest opus, Anvil Season.
Dood
July 27th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

@Lynn (#166): Cuss skunk on a sinking cruise ship: @#*& it! It’s the only *$#@*% option!
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

@Shrug (#158): “Mrs. O’Malley”, silly!
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 27th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

S4th — Have Sally’s mom and Ralph met before? If not, this ought to be good…

Luann — Looks like Rosa and Gunther are still together…
Perky Bird
July 27th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

@captainswift (#147): Don’t you mean the “breast stroke”?
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#172): I usually introduce my wife as the first Mrs. Scudder.

// Thurber fan, yes. And one likes to be precise.
bats :[
July 27th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#125): just a shout-out that YouTube still has clips of the “Trojan Games” from a few Olympiads back (maybe only to 2008), with very interesting and amusing “doubles” events…
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

@S.Stout (#23):

” Evans has the only syndicated strip where the lead character is a villain.”

Oh, I don’t know — cases could be made for GET FUZZY, ANDY CAPP, THE WIZARD OF ID, CROCK, CRANKSHAFT, FUNKY WINKERBEAN, RED MEAT, FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. . .

(But I did like, and agree with, your analsis of the Luann-Tiffany dynamic.)
odinthor
July 27th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

MW. — Wait a minute. Striped red shirt . . . white pants . . . Why, Mr. Leaper McOverboard is one of the crew!
btown
July 27th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

Mary: You crybabies need to stop bitching about your petty problems. Sinking ship? Feh. Take Mary’s advice, and think about the good in the world! See, was that so hard?
hogenmogen
July 27th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

Margo: I just wanted to shake the hand of a true hero and say thanks. Oh, you didn’t lose your arm in combat, Luanne? You just misplaced it? Check your bags again, maybe it’s in a side compartment.

But seriously, the Vietnam vets that I’ve spoken to (when they talk about it) have almost universally said that after coming home to shame and derision, they really just wanted a “Thank you” for a change. So why is Steve such a dick?
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

@Dennis Jimenez (#27):

“FC – I’d actually watch the triple X olympiad….”

Well, there’s always Nigel Kneale’s THE YEAR OF THE SEX OLYMPICS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waGcImV1zVg

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Year_of_the_Sex_Olympics

etc.
Bitter Scribe
July 27th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

As someone who still watches a “Carter-era console set,” may I simply say…

PHHFFFFFFFTTTTTTHHHH.
seismic-2
July 27th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#164): FastTrack: I had to look up the “Harold and Maude” reference — sounds like a really wierd movie.

With songs by Cat Stevens. The real one. Honest!
hogenmogen
July 27th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

MW: Since the Titanic went down, a century of safety procedures went into effect. There should be a spot on the lifeboat for each passenger. There should be life jackets being distributed. The radio contacts have alerted local air and watercraft to the unfolding disaster. This isn’t the North Atlantic, it’s the Mediterranean, so the chance of hypothermia is almost zero. It’s a sunny, clear day. The ship is huge and still has hours before it goes down. Seriously, why is tuxedo man so freaked?
Bill Peschel
July 27th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#90): I pretty much quit reading Doonesbury when I realized he’d gone completely in the barrel for Obama. He had done some great strips in the past about Clinton and Carter, but apparently he can’t find anything humorous about this one.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 27th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#176): precision vaulting: “things can go horribly wrong.”
Little Guy
July 27th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

FW: …and on the other side, they meet the White Walkers and the Night Watch.
Comcis Fan
July 27th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

FC: “XXX” is also code for moonshine. Little do Dolly and Jeffy know they’re about to watch the little-known Hootin’ Holler Olympiad, with events such as fence talkin’, tobaccer spittin’ and feller bouncin’.

MW: It’s an odd time for Wilbur and Dawn to discover they’re on an Addams Family Cruise and John Astin’s Gomez is going to save them.

A3G: Welcome home, let me touch your bosom … er … I mean, welcome back to the bosom of your home!
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#67):

I’m glad that some Mudges are brave enough to monitor the non-ironic LuAnn fans on Go comics so that we don’t have to. I’m always fascinated by reports of the folkways of strange countries that are mirror images of the developed world, such as the isolated kingdom of Luannistan.
seismic-2
July 27th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

@Comcis Fan (#188): FC: “XXX” is also code for moonshine. Little do Dolly and Jeffy know they’re about to watch the little-known Hootin’ Holler Olympiad, with events such as fence talkin’, tobaccer spittin’ and feller bouncin’.

Highlights are the Flatlanders vs. Hillbilly competitions, especially in white-water canoeing and archery.
mitchellbravo
July 27th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Family Circus: The careful eye might note that the text on the television is square to us, even though the screen is facing the children. This can be easily fixed with a perspective tool that is featured in most modern image editing software, but it would also take approximately five seconds longer to do, five more long, valuable seconds spent recycling a Family Circus strip.
Dennis Jimenez
July 27th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#190): ATM and DP….
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#91):

// Will Rogers wrote my favorite political joke, that, amazingly, still works after eighty some years. “I’m not a member of an organized political party. I’m a Democrat.”

A good one, though my favorite is still the line from BEYOND THE FRINGE in which two Brits are discussing US politics:

Jon: Of course, they have inherited our two-party system, haven’t they?
Dudley: How does that work?
Jon: Well, let me see now. They’ve got the Republican Party, you see, which is the equivalent of our Conservative Party, and then there’s the Democratic Party which is the equivalent of our Conservative Party.
Mincemeat
July 27th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

“You take the shot and I’ll release Mr. Brown” is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever read on the comics page. What is wrong with these people?
maarvarq
July 27th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

@Trevor (#4): “Yes, start throwing other passengers overboard, it’s the only option! … C’mon? Please?”
Frank Lee Meidere
July 27th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

@pastordan (#130): If I could live in a steampunk world, I’d be happy. I want one of those type-uters.
Sequitur
July 27th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

Ripley’s walks over, taps you on the shoulder and says…

IN 2011 AND 2012, SOUTH KOREA’S CUSTOMS SERVICE SEIZED MORE THAN 17,000 PILLS CONTAINING POWDERED HUMAN FLESH!

Were those pills entering the country or leaving it. It does make a difference.
pastordan
July 27th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#141): One of Karl Rove’s finest pieces of evil, that.
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

@Lynn (#166):

Which reminds me that I was expecting Cuss Skunk to have had something to say about the Cussing Crow joke in yesterday’s ONE BIG HAPPY.
Alex
July 27th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

My assumption is that “the only option” is to spontaneously evolve into dolphins. Red Shirt is simply demonstrating how to breach.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

@Bill Peschel (#185): Yes, Trudeau is not a member of an organized political party… and that makes him not worth reading at all?

// No more political stuff for me. Really, D’bury, like the nameless amphibian bird thing, is supposed to be off-limits here, which is wise and good.

// I’m shocked, shocked, that there hasn’t been a single mention of slide rules today.

// Well. Fixed that.
Anonymous
July 27th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Has anyone involved MW ever been on a cruise ship? Literally the first thing they do is force everyone down to the lowest deck to tell you exactly which lifeboat is yours and the orderly procedure necessary to get everyone onto it. They drill you on evacuating the boat with everyone still alive before they do anything else, because it’s the law.

So how awesome is it that the people in MaryWorth-land, people who (by now) should have been cured of all their vices by Mary Worth’s advice, are clearly reprehensible scumbags who will steal half-full lifeboats and leave their fellow passengers to die for no good reason?

And isn’t this obviously Mary’s intended outcome anyway? The worse the world is, the more they need her. She’s like a doctor poisoning her patients so they have to keep coming back.
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#190):

And javalin catching.
pastordan
July 27th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

@the good ship thetis (#150): I visited Moscow back in 2001, and let me tell you, those folks honor their veterans. As one person told me, everybody in Moscow was missing at least grandparent thanks to Hitler.
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#203):

Javelin.

(I’ll admit that I failed to make the Olympic Comment Previewing Team against this year. I was hoping for at least a Bonze or Sliver Metal, to.)
pastordan
July 27th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#196): My nine-year-old’s fascinated by my old Olivetti manual. Sometime when his mom’s not looking, I’ll plunk down the $75 for the conversion kit, and away we’ll go. Maybe if I buy it along with an iPad for her…
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

@Mincemeat (#194):

I know, I know. And Avery isn’t even showing any signs of dropping trou first.
Sequitur
July 27th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

@Lynn (#166): Cuss Skunk is going to be in Josh’s book? Cool!
Lynn
July 27th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

I hope Cuss Skunk will be in Josh’s book, even if only in the Prologue.
tallyHO
July 27th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

@Hibbleton (#14):

” Life is brutal, yeah, yeah”

Wasn’t that the single from a group called The Brutles from their legendary album called “Meet the Brutles”?
Lynn
July 27th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

By the way, did you note the offhanded comment Josh dropped about the book being ready in “about a year”? Josh, you do have more than a first chapter, don’t you – like, an outline, character sketches, etc? (You didn’t think we’d really come through with that money, did you? Now you HAVE to write the book! Nyah!)
Sequitur
July 27th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#210): You left out the third yeah.
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#212):

The most important one, too.

(MA!! TallyHO *also* left out ALL of the Hungerdungers! FOR NO GOOD REASON!)
Baka Gaijin
July 27th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

@Pozzo (#6): COTW-worthy.

@Chareth Cutestory (#11): I would love to have that superpower.

@Dennis Jimenez (#27): You’ve just inspired Kleenex Cool TouchTM Tissue with Aloe‘s newest ad campaign with “…going for the Gold in an Olympic Snot-off.”

@UncleJeff (#67): “Wilbur-class customers.” Are they larger or smaller than a frigate? I’m sorry, whenever I hear ***-class, I immediately think of US warship classifications.
Chaze126
July 27th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

@Tom D. (#47): I fly a great deal for business and there are usually military folks on the flight into Syracuse because of its proximity to Fort Drum. I’ve had them tell me they tire of the faux attention they get, believing it’s the expected routine and not genuine. And I get it.
Snarkotix Addict
July 27th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

Josh on A3G: “I guess we’ll never know now,though.”
Oh, but then there is ~~nightmarish flashback~~ retrospective narrative.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

@mitchellbravo (#191): I’ve wondered about these recycled strips: Archie, and FC, and MT… What about just drawing new stuff? How hard can that be? I mean, people used to draw new stuff all the time, right? Before computers, even, or so I’ve been told.

I not a graphic artist myself, I couldn’t draw a new Archie, or FC, or MT if you held a gun to my head. If I were somehow forced to do one of those comic strips, I’d cheat like the dickens, or better yet, hire Bats Colon Left-Bracket to cheat for me.

Incomprehensible.

// Hey, Bats! If Archie or Mark Trail called, you’d take the job instanter, no?
Chaze126
July 27th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

ASM – Clown 9′s gun full of acid helps me put this entire oddball fantasy into proper perspective. I now know why it has seemed like an LSD tinged flashback. Because it is.

JP – I think this fishing trip is an event in the XXX Olympics, what with “taking shots” and “releasing Mr. Brown. Isn’t there something vaguely scatological about releasing Mr. Brown?

MT – Watch out behind you, Rusty, those dang sheep killers are disguised as squirrels. Their buddy from yesterday’s strip warned them you were coming.

RMMD – That lump you felt in our mattress, June, was me, fantasizing about Iris in the next room wearing her cowboy hat and boots, but nothing else.

And now back to work….
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

FC-Watch whatever you want. Mommy is beyond the point of caring about you anymore.
Steve the Pocket
July 27th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

Family Circus: This isn’t the first time they’ve taken that stupid shortcut, either. I’ve pointed it out before, somewhere. But what’s especially obnoxious is that they didn’t even bother to skew the words on the screen to match the perspective. They just hit the Text tool, typed in some white words in the default Times New Roman, and called it a day.

Gasoline Alley: Is the Comics Curmudgeon Annual Bee-Grinding Award still a thing? Because I think we’ve got our winner right here.

Mary Worth: “We have to jump into the water now, or we’ll still be on the ship when it sinks and then we’ll be in the water!” …Um, what?
tallyHO
July 27th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

@Doctor Handsome (#43):

The “graphics” are bad, aren’t they?

Admittedly, upon seeing that Family Circus TV screen, I thought someone died and they were watching a video of a funeral. But, I’m barely a wake.

@Comcis Fan (#188):

Celebrating Excellence in Inebriation! Though, I think the names should be changed to the Whiskey Olympics.

In every (hilariously sloppy) race, there will be only one winner and plenty of chasers.
Bill
July 27th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

Family (bread and) Circus: XXX is Roman for 30. The Olympics are Greek. Greek for 30 looks like an upside down upper case Y followed by an apostrophe.

Jeff Keane is stupid!
seismic-2
July 27th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

FC: All television broadcasts at the Keane Kompound are rated XXX, for “May cause chromosome damage”.
Calico
July 27th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

Haha, Lu Ann doesn’t know how to use her own apartment key!
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

RMMD-And also don’t look under the mattress. That is where Rex hides his dead hookers and blow.
Señor Tortilla
July 27th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

A3G – Oh man, please don’t let this be the new hairstyle of LuAnn, I grew used to the old one!

Pluggers – WTH IS THAT?

MW – Yay! Maybe Wilbur and/or Dawn will die?
Calico
July 27th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#202):
It’s Mary’s Meddling Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.
Perky Bird
July 27th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

@Calico (#224): LuAnn’s parent’s never let her use a key–or “the Devil’s Rod,” as they called them–because that would lead to impure thoughts of a sexual nature, what with all the trusting of hard, long objects into gaping holes and jiggling them about.
UncleJeff
July 27th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

@Comcis Fan (#188): Do you know why XXX is on moonshine jugs?
It shows the likker was distilled 3 times. Mmmmm, good. A sign of quality.
It’s amazing the things you learn by watching “American Pickers” on USA.
(Not to be confused with “USA Pickers” on “Marvin.”)
tallyHO
July 27th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#212): @Shrug (#213):

Aw, contrarians!

The Brutles could only muster the enthusiasm for two Yeahs. Very downbeat stuff, dontcha know.

They were one of those British bands, like the ArrghBirds, that weren’t quite as good at making poppy, chartbusting hits. The band may (may) have influenced seminal, lesser known American downbeat rockbands, like the Velvet Slumberground and Peter, Paul and Whatever, whose song “All the Leaves are Brown (Now Please Leave Me Alone)”, a.k.a, “California Dreariness”, was a bona fide, certified, forgettified, chart bottom-outer.
Vince M
July 27th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#176): Then there’s the currrent “K Chronicles” strip (warning: once you’ve seen it you can’t unsee it!)
Baka Gaijin
July 27th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

@TheDiva (#72) on Luann: This is the 21st Century. Why can’t you do both? Pity Evans and back away from him in disgust and fright

@Government Cheese (#92): EEEEE! [QLUNQ!] [SPLOOSH!]

@The Silent Penultimate Panel (#108): Now you made me all sad.

@hogenmogen (#180): I was at a hospital and saw a dirty, beaten-up dismembered arm sitting on the floor under some chairs. Not long afterward someone came in and retrieved it, sheepishly admitting he thought he’d left it in a side compartment. [*]
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

@Steve the Pocket (#220): Mary Worth: “We have to jump into the water now, or we’ll still be on the ship when it sinks and then we’ll be in the water!” …Um, what?

No, that’s real. If you are on a sinking ship, and you can’t get on a lifeboat, it is best to get into the water (with a life vest on!), and put a safe distance between you and the ship, lest the suction of the sinking ship pull you under.

(U.S. Navy doctrine. Of course, with a sinking Navy ship, there’s also the danger of exploding ordnance, steam boilers, and burning oil slicks. Not to mention being the target of whomever was shooting at the ship in the first place.)

Of course, if the ship simply ran aground, it would be better to stay aboard…
UncleJeff
July 27th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#214): Nah. I was thinking “First Class”…”Second Class”….”Steerage” and “Wilbur-Class” (cheapest bunks, limited access to open decks, banned from the “no moping” section)
UncleJeff
July 27th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#234): With unlimited sammichs while those hoity-toity bastards have to put on their good shirts to sit at the captain’s table.
Vince M
July 27th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#233): Well shoot, that makes all kind of sense now. And it takes everything out of an old joke – a sailor won’t dive off a fifty-foot platform during training. His instructor yells “What would you do if you were on a sinking ship?” and he reples “Wait until it sunk down to five feet.”
Grandstanding Oddball
July 27th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

Why is Luann ringing the doorbell? Did they change the locks when she was away? Or are “keys” simply far too complicated a concept for a simple, mid-Western gal?
Sequitur
July 27th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#230): Oh, yes. And then Charmin and Greenpickle‘s song Sounds of Solace stopped the charts.

No, really. The charts were plugged up for three days until a large pair of pliers were used to unstop it. It was the musical equivalent of an enema.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

@Vince M (#236): Oh yeah. In boot camp, they showed us all sorts of training films, with lots of WWII footage, giving helpful tips on how to swim under a burning oil slick, and how to make impromptu life preservers out of your clothing.

Obviously, you can’t swim under a burning oil slick wearing a kapok Mae West. So when you get to the other side, to clear water, you take your dungarees off, tie knots in the legs, and fill the pants with air. This should keep you up until you can find a bit of flotsam.
seismic-2
July 27th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#229): A major difference between Scotch whisky and Irish whiskey is that Scotch whisky must be distilled only twice, but (most) Irish whiskey is distilled three times. Snuffy Smith’s whiskey is distilled as often as necessary, through the radiator of a 1954 Ford pickup, until it acquires the necessary antifreeze-and-rust coloring and flavor that distinguishes Hootin’ Holler’s very finest top-shelf spirits.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

@Vince M (#231):

I just went to the K Chronicles and the comic that came up is not safe for work.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 27th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

FC: No, as it happens the XXX Olympiad is airing on the Spice Channel, and it’s not family programming. The pole vault event is something to see, though.

GT: “Dude, wash your hands after you have barbecue. Or use napkins or something.”

MW: OMG! It looks like the entire accident has been an elaborate ruse to get the slovenly advice columnist and his mopey daughter to jump overboard. And since Alfred the butler is in on it, I can only guess that Batman will be by soon to patch up the boat.

A3G: I haz a key but I eated it.

WofI: The Wizard of Id is no wizard in the art of pronoun use, I can tell you that.

FW: Summer’s next “What I did on my summer vacation essay should be pretty exciting,” what with the details about her causing an avalanche and killing everyone except herself and Les.

C-Shaft: Never having seen your house and having no idea who you are, I’ll have to take your word for it. Or was that supposed to be a joke, despite lacking any qualities thereof?

Archie: ~~It’s funny~~ It exists because Hiram Lodge says he wants to do one thing when he actually wants to do something else related to the first thing.

SL: What can I say? The last panel gave me a good laugh.

Baldo: Yeah, this is pretty much what I guessed it would be. But Baldo’s a teenager. Hasn’t it occurred to Sergi or Tia Carmen that he might be going to Brand X Taco Bell because of someone hot behind the counter?

RMMD: It’s not quite the same when she’s wearing a top, but kudos to June for practicing her arm bra form in panel 2.

Drabble: I usually just leave it on and let the shower soften it up for a few days. Especially when they have to take blood.

DT: So many people have thought that Dennis O’Copper was Dennis Hopper that he’s gotten used to greeting them with “Don’t look at me! Don’t you fucking look at me!”

Blondie: Dagwood bends over while Blondie gives him a bang. In front of the carpool, no less.

Phantom: When you find yourself skulking around a wrestling ring hoping that your ringer cheats better than your longtime frenemy, you’ve made a wrong turn somewhere.

Pluggers: God help us all, now everything in your junk drawer can be turned into a separate Pluggers panel.

Luann: It became “her” movie awful quick, didn’t it?
Baka Gaijin
July 27th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

@Comcis Fan (#188): How can you forget the most impressive Hootin’ Holler Olympiad event: the two-handed saggy titty clean and jerk?

@Anonymous (#202): You’re talking about an American cruise ship. In the Mediterranean, until the Concordia tipped over, cruise ships were required to do life boat muster only every other day.

Europe can be quite a different place than America. America has “french fries.” Europe has “pommes frites.” America has “ice cream.” Europe has “gelato.” America has “Family Guy” and “The Simpsons.” Europe has, uh, “Family Guy” and “The Simpsons.” I guess they’re not so different after all.

@Shrug (#205): “Javelina catching” might be more appropriate for Hootin’ Holler. Also don’t feel bad if you don’t get the Glod Mettle.

@tallyHO (#221): I see what you did there.
pugfuggly
July 27th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#202):

Has anyone involved MW ever been on a cruise ship? Literally the first thing they do is force everyone down to the lowest deck to tell you exactly which lifeboat is yours and the orderly procedure necessary to get everyone onto it.

But this is Italy! They’re more concerned with the art, and fashion and all those fresh vegetables to worry about safety! La vita è troppo breve per imbarcazioni di salvataggio!
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 27th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#233): As at the end of Moby-Dick, too. (One of my grad-school classmates wrote a fabulous little paper on the vortex.)
Irrischano
July 27th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

Wouldn’t it be great if Steve had lost his right arm instead of his left? “Excuse me…I just wanted to shake the hand of- Oh whoops! Can’t do anything with that thing!”
S. Stout
July 27th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#177):

I guess I need to rephrase that Luann is the only strip where the main villain character is treated like the hero/heroine. All the other strips know that the character in question is a smug asshole and play off that for laughs.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#240): Interesting. And vodka is normally distilled four times, until it is essentially pure alcohol, then it is watered down to the desired proof.

// I’ve always been suspicious of people who claimed to be able to distinguish between cheap vodka and the expensive stuff. “It’s the water.” Well, duh.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

A3G-Don’t people know that we are hungover at eight a.m.?
Sequitur
July 27th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth once attended the Olympics but was very disappointed when she found out there was no gold meddle.
commodorejohn
July 27th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

Agnes – I. Love. This. Strip.

A3G – “I’m home! And I’m totally baked! Turns out they grow ‘specialty crops’ in some parts of South Dakota! …is this room level?”

A&J – Oh, Arlo & Janis. You make shameless, actually amusing innuendo look so simple.

DT – Richard Nixon!

FW – James, like any sensible human being, takes advantage of this pause to put more distance between himself and the Moores.

GT – I’ve always thought that that must get terribly old.

JP – For the life of me I can’t understand why people think catch-and-release is somehow less cruel. At least if you eat the fish, it got speared through the mouth and dragged gasping into the suffocating open air for a reason.

Luann – Dear Greg Evans: you are a horrible, nasty person. I just thought you should know.

MT – “I just hope they don’t see me, vaguely half-crouching behind some not especially large rocks on an otherwise open ledge thirty feet from them! They probably have sideburns, and Mark says those obstruct peripheral vision!”

MW – Add me to the list of people who saw that as Mr. Banks here Force-throwing a man overboard (it’s the only option!) But for reasons I can’t quite express, I took a look back at today’s date in previous years of Mary Worth and found Gina’s witness-protection PTSD flashback, Dr. Mike being angry and confused!, and best of all, Charley Smith’s Batman-villain lair, and I just want to ask: how the hell is it that Mary Worth started having more awesome summer storylines than Gil Thorp?

The Norm – Hey, you forgot Pink Lady (and Jeff!)

Peanuts – Hey, dark caves are actually quite nice.

SF – Man, this is getting to be a downright Marx Brothers pile-up of silliness.

SM – Hey, that’s not a bad zinger, Clown-9. Might want to save it for Spider-Man, it’ll be even more appropriate there.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

@Vince M (#236): And it takes everything out of an old joke – a sailor won’t dive off a fifty-foot platform during training. His instructor yells “What would you do if you were on a sinking ship?” and he reples “Wait until it sunk down to five feet.”

Oh, and you never dive off a sinking ship. Too much chance of hitting your head on some bit of wreckage. Jumping feet first only as a last resort. You were supposed to find some rope, or cargo netting, and let yourself down into the water easy, if at all possible.
tallyHO
July 27th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#238):

I was very young then so I knew Greenpickle for his singing career as a kid’s entertainer:
“Itsy Bitsy Spider-Man”

Itsy Bitsy Spider-Man
Reverse your self-esteem
Pick yourself up, lad
Turn that frown into a beam

When down comes the rain
Make some rain-a-lade
No reason to cry, lad
It will wash away the pain

bummer what happened to him. But, he was Greenpickle. He liked the drink. Damn, that Vlassic Money. It was probably too much to turn down! But, for a while there he was making upbeat jingles. That, ironically, was too much for him: he couldn’t handle making happy music.
Baka Gaijin
July 27th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#251): Pink Lady and Jeff? Exactly how old are you? And why would you waste precious brain cells remembering THAT?
Mibbitmaker
July 27th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Rex is the lump on the mattress.

9CL: Is Amos Thorax’s enemy or something? Annoying as Amos and Edda are, the pointless blob sure is earning major “Christ, what an asshole” points, more than usual. Edda’s reply here could apply to Thor-ecch on a regular basis.

Luann: Aww!
– Wait, we’re supposed to “ha ha!” this scene, aren’t we?

Glibporn: “Puissance”, Brooke? Couldn’t you’ve just said “power”, you invideous, magisterial, vainglorious, ostentatious, unbrookable (!), thesaurus*-diving ninnyhammer?

*(really — “puissance” wasn’t even in my dictionary!)
Drew Funk
July 27th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

I think the real problem Skeezix is having is that he went with a DVD PLAYER (r) brand DVD player. Also, judging by the size of the box, it might have been the first DVD player off the line in the late 90s.
Bobdog
July 27th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

Sometimes I get the impression Tommie is just a life-sized Bobble-head doll — only that or some sort of nervous condition could explain her continual head movements.
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

@Grandstanding Oddball (#237):

Luann finally figured out “keys” but she still has some trouble with “doorknobs.” Margo kept telling her “put the key in the lock and turn the doorknob clockwise.” This worked for her for years, but while in South Dakota she bought a digital watch.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 27th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

@Lynn (#17): Hey, no fair still remembering the beginning of the week!
Chaze126
July 27th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

The only thing missing from Dawn in the second panel is drool and a word balloon, saying “Duh.”. Honestly, she now appears to be catatonic. Love that petulant pout on Wilbur, though. He’s made of sterner stuff.
Peanut Gallery
July 27th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#70): Pluggers – Now that brings back memories. My mom had some emery boards with promotional names on them when I was a kid, but I haven’t seen ‘em since.

I think it should be obvious what kind of personal hygiene product Bill Clinton handed out.

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#110): Holding out for Xena over Eris, eh? The origin of that name will certainly be more fun to explain to astronomy students 100 years from now, if there are any.
bats :[
July 27th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#217): MT maybe, because I like the strip. OTOH, if you haven’t checked out FB’s Adventurers Group, please do it! James Allen, who posts here (as the Real Mark Trail, I think), not only runs the MT strips, but I think is wholly responsible now for the Sunday MT (the great naturalist bugs ‘n’ birds ‘n’ animals ‘n’ plants ‘n’ fungi ones).
Additionally, he has his own strip there, “Edge of Adventure,” and he is a FINE artist! I only wish that someday Mark and Cherry end up looking like Sam and Lucinde.
I don’t think there’s any hope for Rusty…
Borborygmy
July 27th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#251): SF – Man, this is getting to be a downright Marx Brothers pile-up of silliness.

You said it! Now we can draw ladies with their pussies! Slylock leads us to new heights every day!
commodorejohn
July 27th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#254): I’m 26 (coming up on 27.) I just happen to hang out with all the right wrong people.
Gringo
July 27th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#254): Hey, I also remember Pink Lady and Jeff, with fondness. Those girls were super-cute!
LP2004
July 27th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

SF: “Well, we started talking about what an insufferable harridan you are, and how we both hope we were adopted, and we just lost track of time.”
odinthor
July 27th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

#239. NS. –

This should keep you up until you can find a bit of flotsam.

Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!
sally
July 27th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

@Scott Free (#10):

David Niven? And here I was thinking, Josh, surely you meant to say “crazed man in a bow tie WHO LOOKS LIKE HITLER screaming “It’s the only option!” etc. etc.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#262): So, starting as a complete beginner, if I do Slylock Fox‘s “How to draw a…” exercise every day, how long before I can do a Sunday Phantom or Prince Valiant pastiche that’ll fool the experts?

// I’m thinking, two, maybe three generations.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#254): Ahhh, quit talking about Pink Lady! It just reminds me that I had a two-LP set by them and I let somebody else have it. Every twenty years or so I get to missing it a little.
Peanut Gallery
July 27th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#115): Steve got the last laugh when he told his commanding officer, “You may have the man, but you don’t got the arms!”
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 27th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#197): There’s a market for that stuff? I could collect several pounds a week from my wife’s heel buffings!
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

@Mibbitmaker (#255): (really — “puissance” wasn’t even in my dictionary!)

To paraphrase the guy from Jaws, you need a bigger dictionary.

// Seriously. I just checked – it’s in the standard “collegiate”s. Meriam-Webster, Random House, American Heritage. What ARE you using, anyway?

// Yes. I collect dictionaries. And slide rules. Someday I shall be wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice. Just you watch.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 27th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#251): Re Luann of A3G and “specialty SD crops” — After blowing through all those brain cells with CO poisoning a few years ago, I could see where the mary-jane might improve matters for her a bit…
tallyHO
July 27th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#273):

By that point, you’ll say, let those who are avarice eat rice cakes!
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 27th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#273): I’ve always said, those of us who know how to use slide rules and the old card catalog at the library will probably do OK when the EMP bombs start going off.
Baka Gaijin
July 27th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#264): Damn. I’m curious. Have you ever been to a fortune teller to find out about your past lives? It looks likes the length of time between your current and past lives is about as long as Verizon allows between reuses of phone numbers.

@Gringo (#265): I’ll bet you couldn’t wait until just before the episode ended, when tuxedo-wearing Jeff ended up in the hot tub with the bikini-clad Pink Lady. Yes?

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#270): LP’s? Jeeze, it’s like being in a museum in here. Next someone’s going to reminisce about how their RCA tape cartridges sounded so much better than Compact Cassettes.

@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#272): Unless your wife’s heels are dead Chinese babies, no dice.

@Nehemiah Scudder (#273): That’s still not as wealthy as you-know-who [cough]fishing trip[cough].
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

MW-Dive into the water and the god Dionysus shall save us by changing us into dolphins. It’s the only way.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#250):

Nice.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

RMMD-I just love how Rex hastily ends the conversation with “gotta go”. I bet he uses that in lots of situations that he wants to avoid. “I’m going to sue you for malpractice, Dr. Morgan.” “I’m sorry but I am needed else where. Gotta go.”
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

A3G-Candygram.
Peanut Gallery
July 27th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#229): I would be remiss in my duties as resident sugar-hound if I did not point out that confectioner’s sugar, a.k.a. powdered sugar, is also designated “XXX”, and sometimes more X’s, to indicate the fineness of the grains. Whether the number of X’s corresponds to the number of times it was sifted, I do not know.

My point is, “confectioner’s sugar” was the second thing I thought of when I saw “XXX Olympiad” in today’s Family Circus.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#273): Someday I shall be wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice.
Oh, I don’t know. I can dream a lot of avarice.

@Baka Gaijin (#277): Jeeze, it’s like being in a museum in here.
I’m old. Get over it.
pink floyd 2
July 27th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

MW – I like the guy in panel one “waiving goodbye” to the boat that is stuck…..
or maybe he is answering a question by raising his hand – oh, oh, me… call on me…..
Anonymous
July 27th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#96):

9CLThorax is hinted of being supernatural/alien.
HAnzMFG
July 27th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

Dolly just might be right–she’s seen the careless, crooked orientation of plain white letters against a black screen, which indicates that Daddy accidentally left a novelty adult DVD commemorating the Olympics. Features the female long jumpers!
pink floyd 2
July 27th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#281):

funny
Baka Gaijin
July 27th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#283): Just kidding. I figured that comment would segue somone into discussing his favorite slide rule or something.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#283): Oh, I don’t know. I can dream a lot of avarice.

You’ll need a good slide rule to keep track of that.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#288): So close…
Yr Obt Servt
July 27th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

MW: What Capt. Vada A Bordo Cazzo didn’t see was the sign warning of the minefield. Red Shirt’ s being blown back out of the water by the mine he triggered when he jumped in. This should be fun for the few people in the lifeboats as well.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

MW-Don’t do it, Wilbur, it’s a trick. Mr. Thin Mustache wants you to dive into the water in hopes that you will drown and then can collect a huge insurance policy that he has taken out against you.
Chaze126
July 27th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#282): Being the old fart east coast guy I am, XXX makes me think of extra dry Ballantyne Beer, which probably has not been brewed since 1970.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

A3G-No seriously, Tommie, look. I have no idea who this person is.
Peanut Gallery
July 27th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#288), @pastordan (#130): The best thing about the USB typewriter is, you can make a REAL carbon-copy of your emails!
Mibbitmaker
July 27th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#273): I have the “revised and updated” Webster’s New World Dictionary (2003). I got it not very long ago to finally replace my old dictionary (forgot which one that was) which had long broken in half. I got the word from my thesaurus, which is The Merriam-Webster Thesaurus (1978), which I bought sometime in the 1980s.

All three are/were Pocket Book editions.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

FC-”I see no problem with those “X”s. Those look like nice white “X”s unlike those colored rings in the logo.”
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

A3G-Five rings? That’s better than the neighbor down the way who knocks three times and says your name after each knock.
Chaze126
July 27th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#298): I resemble….er….resent that remark. (Kid OCD)
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#Y401): HAR!! You’re so right. No jury in the world.
Chaze126
July 27th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

Seems to me that hanging around with Radiohead wouldn’t be much different than hangin’ with the Big Bang Boys.
commodorejohn
July 27th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

@sally (#268): “It’s the final solution!”

@Baka Gaijin (#277): Don’t I know it. By my estimates, I should’ve been born sometime around 1960…
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#Y409): Thanks. Wow. This movie and I must meet someday.
Baka Gaijin
July 27th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#302): That seems about right. Watch out for the elephant bells in the 70s!
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

GA — Once at a conference in Chicago I was assigned to a motel room right next to the motel party room wherein a large number of people drank and screamed and laughed and played really loud music and threw furniture around all night long in spite of several calls to motel security (the motel changed management not long after), causing the next day of the conference to be something of a blur, and I relate that anecdote only because as torture goes, I think I’d have to rank this storyline above that night.
Anonymous
July 27th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#293): Finally, we found the missing link in the beer chain, between Dos Equis’ “XX”, and Castlemaine’s “XXXX”.
tallyHO
July 27th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#282):

Certainly, had as stared at if for longer than usual, I would have gone to the most popular alternative meaning. But, I was just gobsmacked that it is only the 30th Modern Olympiad. The SuperBowl has messed me up because for some reason I just expected a longer string of Numerals.

Here’s the thing, I stared at the cartoon so briefly that I don’t even recall the gagline. True, I could scroll back up and re-read the joke but…I’ll forget it again that quickly.

Anyhoo, thanks for the extra info on confectioners sugar. Now I know what to look for should I ever need to make frosting for a cake.
Randy
July 27th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

MT: The current adventure has let me deduce the location of Lost Forest. Consider: All of the hunting in Mark Trail is called “poaching.” If I recall correctly, the only place in the United States where all hunting is illegal is Washington, DC. The drawings look nothing like the actual city, so it seems clear that Lost Forest is a diorama in the Smithsonian. All of the characters are miniature figures that come to life after closing time (this is why they all tend to look alike. It is also why Mark has not shown up yet—he has been removed for cleaning). This explains why all of the airplanes look like Korean War souvenirs, or why the technology generally is so incongruous.

All of this will be revealed in a strip that Elrod has decreed will be published only after his death.
Dennis Jimenez
July 27th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

@Randy (#308): Well, I say it’s all in a snow globe on Bill Gate’s desk….
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

@Mibbitmaker (#296): Right. Paperbacks. Junk. “The most up-to-date contemporary language usage.” Says so right on the cover. Right. But you and I know contemporary usage, already. We are here now. When I look up some word in a dictionary it is because it is weird and old, and I don’t know it. Something I found in some old book or poem or play, or even disgorged by a professional pedant like McEldowney.

Your dictionary should have, at a minimum, every word that is in your thesaurus. That makes sense, right? Any “college” dictionary should have every word Shakespeare used, and the major English authors. (Shakespeare used “puissance” in both Henry V, and King John.)

Go to a used book store, or your local Good Will, for a couple of bucks or less you ought to be able to find a Merriam Webster Collegiate. I’d recommend 9th edition or later because it give first citations for words listed, but older editions are Good Enough.

I like MW, but that’s a matter of taste. Random House is fine, too. I’ve never cared much for the Am. Heritage line, but that’s just me. Stay with hardbound though. I’ve never see a paperback dictionary worth a damn.

// I’m old (just as old as Muffaroo, in fact) and I like my paper, but in all honesty, the online free dictionaries like Wictionary, and dictionary.com are just fine too, once you get used to them.
popamatic
July 27th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

MW: Well, is that water we see? I guess they really are on a ship, after all. And that must be why they were calling that guy Captain a few days ago. Based on the drawings for this whole cruise story-arc, the action could have been taking place in a local middle school or strip mall for all we could see. It’s not like the artist sits down to a blank sheet of paper and can just draw any scene imagined, like… um … wait.

MT: What’s with the constant “killers”, Rusty? You’re the one who always wants to go fishing, fish-killer! I sure hope you are a vegetarian, Rusty, how do you think Cherry brings all that tasty meat to the table? Oh wait, this is Lost Forest, who knows what is growing outdoors. Cherry probably just goes out to pick their meals off the bacon trees and chicken vines.

Luann: Ha, ha! It’s so funny!
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#302):

Commodorejohn, our very own young fogey. Bless his heart.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#310): gives, seen

I tend to elide the final letter on words when I type fast, on a rant. I grieve over this fault in the long winter evenings.
bats :[
July 27th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#282): Okay, so XXX can stand for sex/porn, alcohol, and powdered sugar. Anything else? (Gosh, the Keanes can milk this for, well, a couple of weeks, for as long as the XXX Olympiad is running — vacation phone-it-in, here we come!)
Horace Broon
July 27th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: It’s funny because they resent doing nice things for other people!

DT: “Yes, I remember Dennis O’Copper! He was partnered with Steve McFlatfoot for several years! That was when my own partner was Robert Policeofficer.”

RMMD: June tries to make a joke, Rex is a dick about it. A typical day at the Morgans’.
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#299):

I was thinking of Sheldon from “The Big Bang Theory” when I did it.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 27th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

@Dood (#128): Do you think Dawn knows how to make a Wilbur float?

Dawn needs to talk Josh into giving her a COTW.

@Shrug (#205): I was hoping for at least a Bonze or Sliver Metal…

But isn’t “Bonzing” an event in the Sexual Olympics?
Shrug
July 27th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#314):

XXX, when parcelled out one to an eye, can also signify that the three-eyed monster lying on the ground is dead.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 27th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#260):

Love that petulant pout on Wilbur, though. He’s made of sterner stuff.

Baked ham?
Non-Nonironic Worth Reader
July 27th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#250): Do you suppose there’s room for other Worth one-liners? Por ejemplo:

Mary Worth’s favorite musical genre: Heavy Meddle

Mary Worth’s favorite album by Pink Floyd: Meddle

Mary Worth’s favorite subject in school: Meddlurgy

Mary Worth’s favorite response to the inquiry, “How are you, Mary?”: “Fair to meddling.”
Dennis Jimenez
July 27th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#319): My assessment is a large quantity of excrement, but a bag of only one half that capacity….
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

MW-Where is your faith, Wilbur? As long as you have faith in Mary Worth you can survive anything.
seismic-2
July 27th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#314): Being of, ahem, a “certain age”, I well remember Pillsbury’s finest flour as being designated “XXXX“. However, I’m pretty sure there were also flour sacks with a triple-X label, too. I believe the distinction implied that the finer the flour was in terms of grain size, the finer it was for cooking (in terms of quality). I shall refer any further inquiries on that subject, however, to someone with greater expertise in the field of baking than I (which would be 99.999% of the world’s population).
Chip Whittle
July 27th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

Wait a minute, the Melonhead Kids can read? I mean the ones other than Jeffy.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

@Non-Nonironic Worth Reader (#320): Favorite part of the brain? Medulla Oblongata
ArchieNemesis
July 27th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

@hogenmogen (#184):

the chance of hypothermia is almost zero. It’s a sunny, clear day

From the pale blue sky and the lack of shadows, I’d say it’s high noon in Dawn and Wilbur’s little slice of Italian hell. But when their big adventure started, more than an hour ago, they were sitting down for their evening meal. Has this debacle been going on for 18 hours now?
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#317): A “bonze” is an old word for a Buddhist monk.
Peanut Gallery
July 27th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#310):

But you and I know contemporary usage, already.

I know less and less of it all the time, but it’s best looked up on the Intertubes rather than a paper dictionary.

I like MW, but that’s a matter of taste.

But do you like MW un-ironically? Wait, what are we talking about again?

@Shrug (#318): Now that’s using your comics noodle!

@Dood (#128):

Do you think Dawn knows how to make a Wilbur float?

Carbonated water, mayo, and two scoops of Rainbow Swirl.
kanomi
July 27th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

I’m pretty sure the “XXX Olympiad” is a long-forgotten VHS souvenir from a repressed Keane-Flagston wife-swapping experiment, circa 1978.
KreatureFeatures
July 27th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

FW: Where’s is Checkov’s kitten? It must be ready to go off right about now. That poor kitten had to die so that these clods could pad their resumes with a meaningless hike.
kanomi
July 27th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

…And the gold medal for covert girl-on-girl breast-groping goes to Margo Magee of Team USA. The judges are scoring this is a 9.8 for Form, Depth, and Discretion.
Mike from Canada
July 27th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Two years after buying it, my big flatscreen is still sitting on the floor because I can’t be bothered to get proper furniture. On the other hand I DO have a key for my own apartment.
Dale
July 27th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#32):

For references purposes, note that I am still looking at #32 and not the several hundred comments that follow.

1) How is anyone supposed to know that the guy is a veteran?
2) A veteran of what? The US (and we are always happy to have Canadiastans on our side) hasn’t been in a righteous war since 1945.
KreatureFeatures
July 27th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

@KreatureFeatures (#330): Whoops, found the kitten. I should pay more attention to the Funky Winkerbean artwork before I accuse it of kittencide. But it’s like Pibgorn: I know the art is fairly good, but I can’t look directly at it for more than a second or two.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#288): Thanks for that. Nonetheless, I’ve been regretting the phrase “get over it” all afternoon, and I wish to withdraw it. Erase erase erase! 86 on that one!

@Nehemiah Scudder (#327): A “bonze” is an old word for a Buddhist monk.
And ‘bonzer’ is British slang for a mayven.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#335):”And ‘bonzer’ is British slang for a mayven.”

Ok. References please, or you’ll have to take your tiles off the board and lose a turn.

Bonzer is Australian and NZ slang meaning excellent. Mayven may be a girls name. “Maven” refers to an expert in something.

What am I missing here?
demoncat
July 27th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

mw as the other passengers start to go nuts. wilbur and dawn are exchanging glances knowing that after their choice they may never see each other again and the survivor will have to take the you should have let me help you from mary. fc the keane parents now will have no choice but to explain that some time triple x does not mean porn means a number.
JW
July 27th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

The Family Circus joking about porn really wasn’t something I needed in my life.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#328): “…it’s best looked up on the Intertubes”

Absolutely. Urban Dictionary is an essential resource for an oldster.
tallyHO
July 27th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

@JW (#338):

Oh, Jeez Loweeze!

The gag is about perno*?!??

Like I said, I read it and forgot about it that quickly (80% of all comic strips are like this to me but Family Circus….Top O’ the Charts in the Forgetful Factor)

*it makes is sound Hot!
Lenoxus
July 27th, 2012 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#314): The WIkipedia disambiguation page for XXX lists eighteen distinct topics, including three different music albums with that as the title. Throw in “Xs are kisses” and you’ve got material for almost a month!
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 27th, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#336): I can’t cite a source any more. It was probably too recent for Mencken, so I’ll guess it was Safire who was looking for a translation for maven (I’ll leave out the y) and ‘bonzer’ was one of the words given. This was before I was spending any time on DARPANET.
tallyHO
July 27th, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

@Lenoxus (#341):

Does it mention a person with multiple personality disorders who wishes to remain anonymous?
tallyHO
July 27th, 2012 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#343):

or would that be “whom”

?
Chaze126
July 27th, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#316): It was after watching Sheldon on BBT that I realized that I had a spectrum disorder. No kidding. I’m just not as funny. Nor would I fit in 9CL with all those neurotics.
Alison
July 27th, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

“Mary Worth”: Wait, what happened to the little blonde girl crying for her mother? I guess everybody just trampled her, and that’s the end of that. Life is brutal, little blonde girl.

“Family Circus”: Wow, Dolly is such a tattletale that she even tattles on herself for doing something wrong! If the melonheads were allowed to age, Dolly would be the least troublesome teenager on the planet. “Mom, I was going to steal your car, but that would be bad and I’m not allowed to do it, right?”
DearZeus
July 27th, 2012 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

To answer the question posed due to Gil Thorp: Yes. Yes many people do. As someone who is a naturally born amputee, everyone’s first question is, “Were you in an accident?” Though I usually tell the truth, I really should think of some horrific stories to tell people. Then I too can turn sassily with my hand on my hip and say, “That’s why!” to no one in particular.
K. Ivan Ruppert
July 27th, 2012 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

I think Gasoline Alley must just depicting the filming of a sleazy b-movie and just going through the re-takes. That’s clearly John Waters doing a director’s cameo as the asshole appliance store clerk.
odinthor
July 27th, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#344):

I have been asked by “Whom” to thank you warmly for your thoughts; but, in this case, “who” is required, as being the subject of “wishes.” “Whom” is very freedom-minded, denies the divine right of kings, demands to be called “citoyen” when in France, and, as you will anticipate, refuses—refuses—to be a subject to anyone at any time.
Sgt. Stoned
July 27th, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

MT: I should think that the dead bighorn lying in the open air should be teeming with maggots and flies by now.

MW: A crazed man in a bow-tie who looks like Adolf Hitler.
Dagger
July 27th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

“Throw all of the grown-up Calvins into the sea! C’mon, it’s the only option!”
Greg K
July 27th, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

In today’s APT 3G, Margo will be portrayed by one of the aliens who walked out of the spaceship at the end of Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Wackd
July 28th, 2012 at 1:15 am [Reply]

MW: No, he’s just jumping into the ship’s swimming pool! Bow-tie man is suggesting that, rather than contemplate their demise, they go out having fun.
Hyhybt
July 28th, 2012 at 2:52 am [Reply]

TV’s like that were fairly common from, say, the second half of the 80′s until CRT’s went out of fashion. It’s deeper than you’re seeing, because it’s under the shelf thing that the VCR is sitting on, and most (but far from all) people put them on a stand or table, and perhaps had the cartoonist felt like doing the extra work they’d have drawn a bulgy screen instead of a perfectly rectangular one… but, since you know you can’t trust the colors in daily strips anyway, imagine instead of being brown it’s silver (80′s) or black (90′s) and you’ll see it’s perfectly normal.
Charly
July 28th, 2012 at 3:28 am [Reply]

I’m unironically enjoying this Mary Worth plotline. From the Game of Thrones shoutout to the blonde girl getting trampled British soccer game-style; from Wilbur ordering salmon to Michelangelo’s David reminding Dawn of Dave’s tiny dick, it’s delightfully “so bad it’s good.” It’s like the (Italian!) directors of Troll 2 decided to remake James Cameron’s Titanic on a four-digit budget. “He’s tossing him overboard! Now he’s going to toss me! Ohhhhhh myyyyy Goooood!”
JJ
July 28th, 2012 at 3:48 am [Reply]

Does it make me a bad person that I want Wilbur and Dawn to be among the casualties? Alas, I fear ’tis not to be. Instead, we’ll have two weeks of pontificating about how Dawn has learned that life is too precious to be wasted mooning over some overgrown Ken doll, blah blah…
cheap nike shoes
July 28th, 2012 at 4:27 am [Reply]

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Lenoxus
July 28th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#343): Yes it does.

No it doesn’t, you liar!

Whatever, I don’t really care.
National Cheese Week
July 29th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

The “XXX Olympiad is porn” joke is actually recycled from many years ago, when kids trying to write a school paper on Super Bowl XXX were unable to glooble it because the school’s filter blocked “XXX.” I don’t know what disturbs me more, the fact that the filter filtered that out, or the fact that they were being allowed to write about the Super Bowl instead of, say, the Iliad or the status of the Euro.
dave
July 29th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

Looking at her neck in the second panel of Mary Worth reminds me of a seal:
Elmo Sweeney
July 29th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Only the Keanes would own a 4:3-aspect flat screen.
James Cassara
July 31st, 2012 at 8:26 am [Reply]

Re: Mary Worth (Tuesday, July 31)

For months I have fantasized about Dawn The Pole Dancer. Today my dream has come true.
More Information
August 2nd, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

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IdeaTumblr
August 8th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

“It’s our only option!” he yelled, pointing at a man with the swimming ability of a porpoise, as the man lept gracefully, chittering his tongue, heading confidently toward shore.

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