The Comics CurmudgeonMaybe it was COBOL? Did Archie ever do COBOL jokes?

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Maybe it was COBOL? Did Archie ever do COBOL jokes?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/28/12

I’m not sure what’s more off-putting: that li’l preverbal Tater is fully aware of and completely committed to his tuber-derived name, or that he’s capable of drawing a startlingly realistic potato in chalk on a moment’s notice. But most disturbing of all is Loweezy’s sinister sidelong grin in the second panel, hinting at the dark purpose behind her son’s strange name. The Potato Revolution is coming, ladies, as soon as the Chosen One is old enough to rule. Be ready for it.

Archie, 7/28/12

So based on the clothing and the in-strip technology and something someone said to me off-hand in an email once, I’ve always assumed that the current batch of Archie newspaper strips are from the mid-90s, an assumption upended by today’s references to online dating and Linux. Yes, Linux dates from 1991 and Match.com launched in 1995, but I refuse to believe that Archie comics would ever be so up on any technological trends (or indeed any trends of any sort) as to namecheck them before they could be sure that most of their audience would get the reference, which means I can’t imagine this strip running before, say, 2002.

On the other hand, the startling words are in italics, and we’ve seen the reruns updated before, so who knows what the original text was. “I spend most of my time working on my book learning.” “You give new meaning to the concept of reading things instead of interacting with girls,” says the guy who responds to all romantic advances from ladies with abject terror.

Apartment 3-G, 7/28/12

Oh, don’t worry, everyone, we’re not just going to skip over Lu Ann’s story without acknowledging it! We’re going to acknowledge that we’re skipping over it, then skip over it. Look at how excited Tommie is! “I’m too scared to go first, but it’s amazing that Margo gave me the option!”

Ziggy, 7/28/12

Ziggy can’t remember what company insures his car, probably because he just suffered a traumatic brain injury.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 28, 2012 at 08:28 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Archie, Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, Ziggy. |

245 responses to “Maybe it was COBOL? Did Archie ever do COBOL jokes?”

Flummoxicated
July 28th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

MW: All the stress Wilbur is feeling has given him a Zipatone rash. Life IS brutal.
lynn
July 28th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

Congratulations, Josh. I opened my e-mail this morning and had the Kickstarter notice and also the 63rd rejection of my novel. How long does it take to write a book? In my case, 20 years to develop the story and 3 weeks to write it. 105,000 words. 105,000 useless words. Good luck, Josh. No, really.
Downpuppy
July 28th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

Jughead’s use of the term “online dating” is the toughest thing to understand in the whole mess of Archie. It’s not a punchline, it’s a conundrum. What you talking ’bout, Jughead?
AndyL
July 28th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

I know we’re probably going to skip over the rest of this conversation in A3G, but I would actually be interested in seeing if Margo or Tommie can recap the events of the last few weeks in a way that provides a satisfying narrative.
Hibbleton
July 28th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

RMMD: “And later on, I’ll be opening the ER …also compliments of Foster.”
Liam
July 28th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

Archie-We’re going to string a bunch of random words together in order to give the appearance that we are telling a joke and are funny in reality we are neither.

A3G-Noodle incident.

A3G 2-What an incredibly amazing story, Luann. I’m surprised at how you and Ruby were able to escape those cannibalistic rednecks in Minnesota. That incident will be giving me nightmares for a long time.
wd40
July 28th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

The Duck is a cash supplement insurance and the lizard had a brain injury and went from posh to cockney over night. Maybe Zig should check his Progressive MyRate chip for Flo’s phone number.
Liam
July 28th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

A3G-We all know that Margo wants to go first. She loves being the center of attention.
Geekwhisperer
July 28th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

Archie Is Jughead referring to the groups that tend to form up around Linux projects? Does it even make sense in that context? “Online?” Is programing something that has to be specifically done online? Yes to upload code and some folks program directly into…*smacks self with laptop*

Snuffy Smith That’s a chalkboard? That’s a potato? What’s with the border? I just assumed it was a space-based telescope photo of a giant asteroid coming to hit the Earth, as if to say, “We will all be reduced to ashes and yet you fritter away your lives like this.”

mw Panel Two. There is so much to say, yet nothing to say. Panel Two.
Señor Tortilla
July 28th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

A3G: “I had an affair with another woman’s husband and got away with it!
Jim North
July 28th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

A3G: The caption would have us believe that Lu Ann has just finished recounting a wonderful series of tales, regaling Margo and Tommie with all the various wild and wooly adventures that she and her MomAunt Ruby had while they were wherever it was they were at. The caption, of course, lies. Lu Ann’s entire recap can be seen right there in the first panel, and in your mind’s ear it should most likely be heard with a bit of trepidation creeping into her voice, as her goldfish-like memory is already starting to become hazy on the exact details of her little holiday. She’s pretty sure that there were times had, and that they were amazing, and that there was someone named Ruby involved . . . ?

Crank: Hey, whoa there, Pam. Maybe you should leave that sort of thing to a professional. I hear hitmen have some pretty reasonable rates, and the break in Crankshaft’s spine will be nice and clean, no need for any unnecessary suffering. Only just the right amount.

FW: Y’know, now that this little storyline seems to be drawing to a close, I feel that I should point out that I no longer feel any lingering desire to ever climb Mt. Kiliminjaro. Ever.

GT: Haha, yeah, your mental anguish is pretty rough, kid. So are we playing some golf or what?

Luann: Crystal honey, you know I love ya as only a creepy thirtysomething guy on the internet can love a fictional teenage girl in a poorly written comic strip, but you seriously need to shut the fuck up.

SS: I can’t believe I wasted the five seconds and zoom-in mouse click necessary to figure out the joke.

S-M: Judging by the way they’re “klap”ing so enthusiastically for the awful, terrible play they just watched, I can only assume that the front row of the audience is some foreign tour group that couldn’t understand a single word that MJ and Brand were saying.
Liam
July 28th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

Archie-This coming from a guy with no interest in the opposite sex, no known interest in the same sex, and an unhealthy possibly sexual interest in food.
Here come the Judge
July 28th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

@Geekwhisperer (#9):

Yeah, sent by some planet where everyone’s tongue hangs out of their mouth when they laugh.
John C Fremont
July 28th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

@JJ (#yy356): Yes, “Life is precious” will be the new “Life is brutal.” Now that would be brutal.

@Mr. O’Malley (#y59): Poppo the Monk? I’ll bet he pulled up in front of the church for Bluetooth’s baptism in a teeny little carriage and about thirty monks all got out one at a time, all wearing Sideshow Bob sized shoes. I also enjoyed reading about Bluetooth’s Jelling stones, but was disappointed there were no references to pic-a-nic basket related miracles.

@Geekwhisperer (#9): Thank you for making me think about Tater’s chalkboard. It looks as though it’s supposed to be a movie marker. Maybe his “Tap! Tap! Tap!” is supposed to be his way of saying, “Cut. That’s a wrap, folks!” Because, you know, they just didn’t make enough Snuffy Smith movies. I certainly hope Barney Google makes a cameo.

MT – We’ve substituted the coffee and Cherry Trail in today’s strip with Folgers Instant Crystals and Kelly Welly. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference.

MW – Speaking of the Olympics and giant baby heads, that’s some pretty uninspired diving in the first panel, but the guy in the second panel gets at least an 8. Dawn seems unimpressed, but the giant baby head seems awed. Or “odd,” at least.
TheDiva
July 28th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

A3G: “Well, I nearly broke up a marriage, but then Tommie helped them have a kid so everything’s okay now!….Yeah, I don’t get it either.”

Ziggy: If anybody chose an insurance company based entirely on which annoying, overused mascot they employed, it would be Ziggy.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

Archie: Josh is onto something. But I bet the original lines were “BASIC PROGRAMMING” and “COMPUTER DATING”. Note that it fits the word balloons, too.

In the late ’80s, early ’90′s, all personal computers, whatever brand, came with some dialect of BASIC. Any geek who messed about with computers, defacto messed about with BASIC. It was free. And computer dating (as in giving some info to a company with a computer program who tried to match you with someone compatible) was a trendy thing then.

// Could have been PASCAL, which was popular as a teaching language, though I doubt it. But absolutely not COBOL. The kind of enthusiasts who bought TRS-80s, or TI99-4s, or early IBM clones, or Commodores, had one thing in common. We (yes, of course I was one of them) all despised COBOL.
Mibbitmaker
July 28th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

(BG&)SS: I didn’t see a potato there, either. Plus, it looked like he just drew “caution” marks on the borders. It really looks like a “Careful: vomit on floor” sign he has there.

Archie: Just random tech stuff thrown in the speech balloons for NO REASON!
(probably meant “dating” as in what Dilton is working on is really “dated” for the internet???)

A3G: Tommie revives the Margo Head Bobble!

Ziggy: Do what Zippy the Pinhead would probably do, Zig: go with the company with the funniest commercials. Definately the gecko (though they’re being eclipsed funny-wise by DirecTV lately…. Forget what I said, Zig: insure your automobile with DirecTV!).
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#16): A&J: The reference to the Henry Clay Work’s big 1876 hit, “My Grandfather’s Clock”, has got to be a bit obscure by now.

Crock: Say, I’ve got a great idea for a cartoon! No. Nevermind. No I don’t.

// So this monkey walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “What a Crock!”
Mibbitmaker
July 28th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

Special Saturday Pop Culture’s Kids is up now!

“PCK Noir” epilogue.
Zerowolf
July 28th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

MW: After the panicked crowd jumps into shark infested waters, Wilbur and Dawn casually saunter over to the ship’s one life boat and climb in.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#Y61): You keep evading the question. First Bluetooth on Wiki, then digressing to the camera film babes. So what about Dilbert’s inflatable ass?
Geekwhisperer
July 28th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#16): Yes, that makes sense!!! If it was “BASIC programming” and the punch line was “COMPUTER dating” not “ONLINE”. Because that’s what it was called.

Amazing how much they ruined the joke. But it only took five seconds to modify so they could get back to golfing or whatever, so win there I guess.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

During the gestation period of a spoiled wishy-washy WASP, Lu Ann Powers and Ruby went on a male stripper killing safari, having threesomes and orgies ending in violent stabbings at Motel 6?s across the American Midwest. Better quiet than blow her cover.

A potato. I thought Tater held up a cow pie to call “Bullshit” on those condescending biddies.
TheDiva
July 28th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

9CL: Does anybody who isn’t Brooke McEldowney or one of his insufferable creations use the verb “raise” to mean “contact via phone”?

C’shaft: Proof, as if we needed it, that performing any kind act is physically painful to Crankshaft.

FW: Great, now they’ll probably spend another two weeks getting down the mountain…

Luann: Come on, Tiffany, grab that mascara brush from her hands and jab her in the eye with it. You know you want to.

MW: Let’s see: no life jackets, no visible life boats, and Wilbur and Dawn “Life is brutal”-ing on deck. I’d take my chances in the water too.

PBS: Not yet, Goat, but just you wait…

Pluggers will use any excuse to avoid finishing a job.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

AD: /fail at McKay reference.

Dilbert: Bluetooth is vestigial. nice subtle dig.

SBp: *giggle* nicely done.

not sure if Zits or Crank is Oedipal-ly creepier.

Mutts: *gigglez*

F-: physics fail.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Love Is . . . doing the horizontal mambo vertically.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

@Geekwhisperer (#22): Well, it wasn’t much of a joke to start with, though well up to Archie standards. Now it’s just… I don’t know, maybe somebody thought “LINux” and “onLINe” were similar and… No. Just a total loss.
bats :[
July 28th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#16): you have a far classier concept than I…

(I wonder if “horizontal mambo” could be worked with…)
Geekwhisperer
July 28th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

Given Nehmain Scudder’s appraisal that the joke was originally BASIC programming and Computer, not Online dating I put the original strip in the mid 80′s at the latest. “Jughead’s Come On Eileen” overalls and the nerd kid’s Boy George shirt reinforce this. 1985, I’m guessing.
seismic-2
July 28th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

A3G: See, Charles Dickens? That’s the way you do it!
teenchy
July 28th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

@TheDiva (#24): Re 9CL: Sounds like something The Simpsons‘ Monty Burns would say over the phone. IIRC (and I haven’t watched that show in years) Burns picked up the receiver and said “Ahoy!” or some of the other terms in use before people settled on answering the phone with “Hello.”
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#28): I like the way you think. How about the nerd says “masturbation techniques” and Jughead’s punchline is “give a whole new meaning to “do your own thing”?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

o dear. Next week on loldogs is between Newfs and Bloodhounds. *can’t decide*

I can haz baff? < . .v

a little something for Poteet.

prank win. (I want!)

Love Is . . . .shocking .

Appa cosplay.

ikkle anteater .

A little moment of Zen for Poteet.

ikkle corgipup with big feetz. u. .u

epic happy.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

A3G: Maybe Luann will explain how she hurt her neck.

// I sympathize. I’ve done that. You have to constantly hold your head in that awkward position – if you move it, it’s excruciatingly painful. Takes days to get better, too.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

Barney Google and Tiffany make appearances in a very NSFW episode of Weapon Brown.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#21): I really don’t understand how Dilbert’s inflatable coccyx is going to prevent him from being blamed for the server failure. Distraction? Protection from being kicked in the butt?

// But if I can ever use the word “coccyx” in Scrabble, death will hold no terror for me.
KateyBoo
July 28th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Jughead can be all judge-y about Dilton’s social life since, based on the pacifier he’s sucking in panel 3, he’s still recovering from the rave last night in the Riverdale Warehouse District.
Gabacho
July 28th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

Apt 3G – Maybe this is the new narrative style of Apartment 3G. Each could walk in, say “I’m back. You won’t believe what happened.” and then skip the whole explanation since the truth is, no, we won’t believe it.

Mary Worth – You know, this is all Dave’s doing. If he hadn’t broken up with Dawn by text, Wilbur would not have had to bring Dawn to Italy to mope and cope. If Dave hadn’t looked so much like Michelangelo’s David (including the microbits), Dawn might have recovered and Wilbur wouldn’t have had to take her on an Italian cruise ship, which everyone knows is a bad idea.

If Wilbur and Dawn die in the sinking of the SS Batchagaloop, we have Dave to thank. And we will thank him. We will shower him with thanks. We love you, Dave.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#36): The distraction theory holds. And that Dilbert strip answered the eternal question: Must one with an inflatable coccyx need to wear assless chaps? The answer, thankfully, is “no.”

That would be one of the more useless superpowers. Of course that means “Infla-Butt” will show down with newspaper Spiderman in 6 weeks.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

Ziggy reminds me of the old insurance joke. This old couple was sitting on their porch, and the old lady was reading a woman’s magazine. She asks her husband, “Elmer, have we ever had a mutual orgasm?” Elmer thinks for a bit and says, “Mutual? No, we’ve always had State Farm.”
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

MW: I see that at least one other person had the same reaction to today’s strip that I did: In honor of the Olympics, I can’t help but imagine a panel of judges holding up numbers: 6.5, 7.2, 6.5, 7.0—with the inevitable Commie outlier, 3.5.

A3G: Nothing has been omitted here; “Ruby and I had an amazing time together” is enough about Luann. Because do you really want to hear “Well, on the first day, we drove out of the neighborhood. And there were lots of cars! And then, and then, and then we got on the freeway. It was fast! But in a little while, I had to go potty, so we stopped. And Ruby bought me a candy bar at the gas station. And then we got back in the car and we drove again. And I fell asleep. But when I woke up, I had a tummy ache. I thought maybe I would barf! But I didn’t. And then, and then—”
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#39): Maybe Scott Adams was inspired by Clown-9′s inflatable suit gimmick? Or maybe it was those little lizards, anoles, whose tails can detach, distracting their predators, and later regrow. I’ve actually seen this with my cats. Cat gets a paw on lizard’s tail, tail detaches, keep wriggling, lizard escapes. Cat is totally WTF.

So, Pointy Haired Boss catches Dilbert in the hallway, and asks, “What’s this about the server being down?” Inflatable coccyx detaches, wriggling on the floor. Dilbert escapes. PHB is nauseated, disgusted. “What an anole,” he mutters.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 28th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

Snuffy – I couldn’t decide whether he was suggesting that someone would be playing Taps for those three, or if he was indicating that, regardless of their rudeness, he’d still tap that.

Gasoline – So he just gave Skeezix his own player back, right?
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 28th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

love is… …slowly realizing that she’s starting to creep you out.

Mark – You know she’s upset when she uses his full name. “RUSTY TROMBONE TRAIL! You COME back HERE this minute!”
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#42): Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

@wd40 (#7): Thanks for the explanation. I wondered about that lizard.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Sick Chicks — Maybe so, but it’s still a PIGSTY:

http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=6Chix&feature_date=2012-07-28
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#33): *smiling uncontrollably*
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Lockhorns — Loretta’s feet belong in a Don Martin cartoon.
mr12ozcan
July 28th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

mary worth- as other passengers panic !!! wilber calmly thinks of those fresher tasting italian vegetables and hopes of a dolphin who will come along to bring him and the purple moper safely to the mainland.
Peanut Gallery
July 28th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

I just want to point out that Jughead is rockin’ the Bea look. And yes, I’m using the expression “rockin’” ironically.
Geekwhisperer
July 28th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

Mark Trail- The best thing about today’s Mark Trail is the fancy question Mark that Cherry/Kelly is uttering.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#45): Sure. You say that now, but the next thing I know you are trying to sell me a garage door in Ankara.

// Sorry. Been there. Got one.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#26): The song “Papa Loves Mambo” was a hit for Perry Como in the 1950s.
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

A3G — No no no no, please no narratives of what we’ve already seen. I want to get back to Nina and her exciting disovery that babies eject large quantities of pee and poop and their caretakers have to clean it up. Frequently. For years. And I wouldn’t count on Scott being much help. He strikes me as the kind of guy who’s into the concept of parenthood more than the realities. So I’m thinking nanny, divorce, or both.
S. Stout
July 28th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Luann: Crystal is the biggest bitch in all of comics. Also, she must have at least 5 lbs of makeup on her face at all times.

Snuffy: Oh, I figured he was drawing a tumor, and pleading to be taken to the hospital.

Archie: What does this have to do with online dating? Is Dilton building a sex robot with a Linux backend? If so, that is awesome.
NoahSnark
July 28th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Ziggy’s bad day will get worse when he discovers that feeding money to random animals doesn’t insure his car.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#47): kinda reminds me of The Burrow.

witch realtors?
Tacy
July 28th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#42):

I think the joke is the inflatable coccyx covers his ass, except it does so literally instead of figuratively.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#33): Did you see the corgis (and Daniel Craig!) on the Olympics last night? Ed Dravecky posted a link for you on the yesterthread, but I think those uptight bastards at the IOC are getting all those videos removed.

@Poteet (#55): Is it a sign that I’m too familiar with Nina’s and Scott’s characters when I read your phrase “their caretakers have to clean it up” and immediately thought of various nannies, not Nina or Scott?
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

SS — See that look of utter disdain on Tater’s face? He doesn’t wish to be addressed by the names of those lesser plants that weren’t featured in THE BOTANY OF DESIRE. Also, I must respectfully disagree with Josh. The most disturbing thing is that Tater’s nose is bigger than his mother’s.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

@Tacy (#59): That makes sense. Gotta get one of those. But the “Siri” thing tells me Dilbert is using an iPhone. Can I get one that works with Android?
chaze126
July 28th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

9CL – McEldowney remembers that his gay character really is gay and not some collection of superficial stereotypical behaviors. While his affections always seem to be aimed at Edda and his relationship with Mark is bitchy at best, at least today there manages to be a real tender moment between the two. Remarkable for what has devolved into a total freakshow.
Calico
July 28th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

RM – So the rest of Foster’s slots winnings are going toward an all-night bender at Clancy’s, for his friends that didn’t drink themselves to death yet! Nice, Rex.
chaze126
July 28th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

Archie – Jughead popped into today’s strip directly from his stint with Dexy’s Midnight Runners, whose hit “C’mon Irene” is now topping the charts. Or was when this was originally inked.
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#60): HAR! I was actually trying to give credit to grandparents, etc. Also sitters. I babysat a four-month-old for a few days, and it was very educational.
chaze126
July 28th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

@chaze126 (#65): Meanwhile Dilton is clearly channeling Thomas Dolby……”Science!!”
stu
July 28th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

“What have you been doing this summer, Dilton?”
“Oh, I auditioned for the Sleater-Kinney reunion. I didn’t make it, but got to keep the costume!”
chaze126
July 28th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

MW – With these beautiful swan dives being done into the Mediterranean, I am expecting, with a continuing nod to current events, Wilbur and Dawn to hold up signs with scores (10….9.5) in tribute to the Olympics.
Calico
July 28th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

@S. Stout (#56):
He actually drew a picture of Foster’s liver!
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

9CL — Why is this Edda’s last performance? Because she was fired? Somehow that’s not the way I would have thought it worked. But what the hey. The scene between Mark and Seth is nice. How about Mark and Seth move to Seattle or Tucson or Des Moines or someplace and start a new, unpretentious life/strip together, far from the madding crowd?
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

@Liam (#12): This coming from a guy with no interest in the opposite sex, no known interest in the same sex, and an unhealthy possibly sexual interest in food.

What about Jughead’s fling with Betty?

http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/1554/jbkiss.jpg
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

SS — I like the pink hat with the flowers. It is the most attractive item of human apparel I’ve seen in SS for months.
gleeb
July 28th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

Slylock: On the left, the kill has left the lion sated. On the right, he has spotted you and hunger calls!

Dick: Oh, Criminy, back to the Flattop well, huh?

‘bean: Now we begin the interminably dull story of going back down the damn thing.
Sequitur
July 28th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#21): Dilbert has an inflatable ass because he’s airbag protected from guys like Rex Morgan sneakin’ up on him and doing… you know. It’s that simple.
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#72): Now I have to rethink the entire universe. Thanks a lot.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

I need to find bars like this.

another boozy bulldog.

what you get when you cross Dilbert with yesterday’s Lio.

Dawn Weston on social media.

meanwhile, on Sequitur’s lawn.
pastordan
July 28th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

The Amazing Spider-Man: I wonder if Peter Parker ever writes letters to J. Jonah Jameson defending himself. “Dear Editor: I know you’re mad because I wasn’t around to protect you from being relieved of your gold watch. Truth is, I was holed up on a roof across town watching Friends reruns and waiting for Clown-9 to show at the theater he threatened last night. Besides, I’ve seen your watch. If that’s a Rolex, I shoot webs out my butt. Sincerely yours, the Amazing Spider-Man.”

Andy Capp: Look, if you’re going to recycle strips, you might at least work in an Olympics reference.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: I think Tater’s trying to warn us of the imminent danger of an approaching asteroid.

Family Circle: No, Billy, but since American girls hit puberty as early as 10, you have only a few short years before she’s right about everything ever, you insensitive prick.

Garfield Minus Garfield: Ca-reepy…

Judge Parker: Speaking of creepy, ignore the word balloons and just look at panels two and three. Shades of Troy McClure…

The Lockhorns: Much funnier (and much more ish) if you imagine she’s saying it to him.

Mary Worth: Looks like they’re jumping into what Joyce called the “snot-green sea.”

Rex Morgan, MD: Reference “Judge Parker,” two snarks up.

Sinfest: In my world, it’s usually the cats who unplug the modem. You say Illuminati, I say kitty…

The Heart of Juliet Jones: Said it before, say it again: that is one committed lingerie salesman.

The Norm: Speaking of up/out dated tech jokes, when this strip first ran in 2001-2003-ish, they laughed at a company demanding all that from one person. Now they’d be desperately jumping off Wilbur and Dawn’s cruise ship to apply for it, only to be beaten by 600 other people on Craigslist.

Zippy the Pinhead: Everybody be cool! This is a robbery!
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

@gleeb (#74): Re FW, probably, but not necessarily. I’m hoping that in Agatha-Christie style, they’ll be murdered one by one on the way down until only the kitten is left, alive and well and as bats:[ surmised, more diabolically clever than any of the hikers would ever have guessed.
S. Stout
July 28th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#72):

http://www.archiefans.com/gallery/d/15148-1/jugbetty.jpg

Betty is the only woman he can remotely tolerate in town.
Sequitur
July 28th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#77): Actually some kids were putting a giant “S” on my lawn for “Sequitur.” I had to tell them to get their “S” off my lawn.
Calico
July 28th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#72):
This looks like it may be a panel from the old early 70′s story where Pop makes up a new ice cream sundae recipe and calls it “Love Potion # 9.” Everyone that ate it went gaga over someone nearby.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#60): I’m currently “between TV subscriptions”, but I did find a working YouTube version of it. very cute!
FOOBed again
July 28th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

9CL: If Edda was fired, why does she have one last performance? Wouldn’t they just let her go and get someone else to dance her part? I’m not sure how that works in the ballet world….
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 28th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#72): What about Jughead’s fling with Betty?
http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/1554/jbkiss.jpg

She’s lucky he didn’t poke her eye out!

What about Jughead’s tender affair with a raccoon? He bought it sweets and sang love songs to it that he wrote himself (and accompanied them on the guitar). The others mocked him for it, but he stood his ground.
Cloudbuster
July 28th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

Luann: Given some of the direct-to-DVD dreck I’ve seen on the shelves in video stores, I find it hard to believe they shelve anything anymore. I’ve picked up stuff that had a decent cover and fairly interesting sounding blurb, only to get home and find out that it’s clearly someone’s barely-passing film school project, made on a budget of $49.99, including the 12-pack of beer for the crew.

9CL: So this is Edda’s last performance? What now? How’s she gonna pay for her Manhattan apartment? She’s not, as far as I know, qualified for anything but ballet (pianist, maybe?) and modeling gigs don’t last forever — she also shows no signs of being ready to do what it takes to become a full-time top model.

A3G: “Ruby and I had an amazing time together. But enough about me…” Wow, that’s it? Argh. It’s almost as if Shulock deliberately stays away from anything that might be vaguely interesting.

Ctrl+Alt+Del: They’re making fun of the Umbrella umbrella, but I’d love to have one! That would rock!
hogenmogen
July 28th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

A3G: Who sums up a six month trip to face her family with the realization that her whole life has been a lie with “I had an amazing time. But enough about me…”?

She had to knock on the door of her own apartment because Margo changed the locks. They didn’t know she was coming because they haven’t returned phone messages, deleted texts, de-friended on Facebook, donated her belongings to charity and probably started a rumor that she died in a freak accident involving Jell-o, a shop-vac and Silly Putty.

Margo: Who wants to go first?

Tommie: Well, now that I’m certified, I helped deliver a new life into -

Margo: I almost had sex with a billionaire until Tommie ruined it.
debussy fields
July 28th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

MW–Obvious facts even a two-year-old would know: 1) Guys would throw off their sport coats before jumping into the water. 2) They’d jump in feet-first.
Anonymous
July 28th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#16):

For a few hours during the early 80′s, I was the legal owner of a Timex???
It came with BASIC on it. Since then, never.
I really could use a copy of BASIC. I’ve tried a bunch of downloads and nothing works.
I could convert my stuff to Fortran or read my C book, but have been trying to get by on the cheap.
Grandstanding Oddball
July 28th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

Jughead’s “Fly Girl” style overalls tells me that this Archie was definitely published during the age of In Living Color. Or at least, whenever the artists realized that In Living Color was a thing, which means that this Archie strip could technically be from 2001.
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#16): Ah, you’re forgetting the Jupiter Ace, which used Forth instead! And nowadays it’s actually cheaper to build your own from a kit than to get one at the prices they command on eBay, because Forth junkies are second only to Deadheads in fanatical devotion. [*]

@Cloudbuster (#86): Edda is going to work as a specialty prostitute for people who can’t get it up unless they’re being derided with whole pages from Roget’s.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

@Tacy (#59): Oh. It’s not funny but it is an explanation.

@Sequitur (#75): Prevent those “drive-by prostate exams.” That is what you were implying, yes?

@Cloudbuster (#86) on Luann: I saw this movie in a dump bin (heh heh) in an electronics big-box shop in Germany. If that made into the stores, Tiffany’s is a shoe-in.
damanoid
July 28th, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

“You give new meaning to the concept of ‘>10 PRINT “BONER”; >20 GOTO 10′.”
Red Greenback
July 28th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

That Archie strip gives new meaning to the concept of carbon dating.
Liam
July 28th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

A3G-Enough about the creepy mother-daughter sex you and Ruby had on the trip, Luann, how was the rest of the trip.
Flounder
July 28th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

MW:
They called him Flipper, Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning,
No one, you see, is faster than he
Flounder
July 28th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#89): I remember looking over those machines at a Zeller’s store back then. Fortunately, it was a few more years before I could buy a computer, and by then there had been a few improvements. Or — at least changes. (For one thing, the checklet keyboards were gone.)
Flounder
July 28th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

@Flounder (#97): That would be “chicklet” keyboard.
chaze126
July 28th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

The boys from the Archie strips sure liked playing “pocket pool,” didn’t they? Or maybe that was just easier than drawing, you know….hands?
Flounder
July 28th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#18): Hey! I got it right away — which, for me, is not always a given with Arlo and Janis.

Which kind of raises an observation I made some years ago. When I was a kid, we knew songs and poems that were 50, 100, even 300 years old. Sometime around the ’90s, however, I started to notice a trend for kids to be unaware not only of the “classic” pop-culture references of my own childhood, but to be unaware of references dating back only a decade or so.
Flounder
July 28th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

Bizarro: That’s bull. America would get silver at best. The Chinese would take gold.
Snarkotix Addict
July 28th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

@Gabacho (#38): Each could walk in, say “I’m back. You won’t believe what happened.” and then skip the whole explanation since the truth is, no, we ~~won’t believe it~~ don’t care.
Fixed that for you!
Chaze126
July 28th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

@Flounder (#100): When I tell the young people who work for me that I went to Woodstock, they automatically think of the disaster from 1999. When I say, “No, no…the original one, in 1969,” they act surprised, as if anyone alive in 1969 must surely be dead by now.
Flounder
July 28th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

GT: I think I see where this is going. Steve gets frustrated, picks up a golf club, and does a mighty swing. Gil Thorp realises that if Steve can do that with a gold club, he could probably do it with a microphone stand, and hence Steve Tyler’s replacement is born.
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

A3G – Wow. Is the strip being written by Frank Bolle now, too? “Oh, that sure was an interesting thing we did! Not that we’re going to even hint at what it was!”

Archie – Maybe this originally referred to Unix and Usenet?

DT – Please, please don’t let that be one of her kids calling her “mistress.”

FC – In the Keane Kompound, “woman’s intuition” is thought to be an actual physiological/mental phenomena, a kind of mild gift of prophecy. Since it’s age-linked, I presume it comes with menarche, Billy, so that’d be a “no.”

FW – Congratulations, you walked up a hill. And then made weeks of stupid comics about it.

HOTC – So you’re, what, a Roman legionary and a WWI doughboy?

JP – “Oh, don’t mention it,” snarls the trout. “I’ll just be off to bleed from my cheek for hours, if I’m not eaten first by a walleye who smelled the blood. Thanks a lot, you insufferable city dingbat.”

Luann – Oh, who’s that at the door? Why, it’s an angry mob, come to stone Tiffany to death for being such a horrible evil slut as to think she can achieve anything in her worthless life! Ha ha ha! I can’t wait to see how her best friend makes cutting remarks not even thinly disguised as humor as she’s dying in pain and emotional agony! Ha ha ha!

MT – Please welcome special guest star Myrna Loy.

MW – I presume “the mad scene at the lifeboats” is somewhere off-panel? And Lordy, are Wilbur and Dawn just going to stand there until the whole thing goes under?

SF – Is that a Twins shirt? Goodness, is Jon from the Land of 10,000 Lakes?
Frank Lee Meidere
July 28th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

Ah crap! I’ve been posting under the wrong name. I changed it to “Flounder” last night for a one-off joke concerning fan mail, and then got distracted and forgot.

So — that’s been me up there.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 28th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#103): Did you see the update on the iconic kissing couple from Woodstock? Kind of a sweet story.
Snarkotix Addict
July 28th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

@Tacy (#59): I think the joke is the inflatable coccyx covers his ass, except it does so literally instead of figuratively.

Well, thanks, that helps. I thought it was something about the voice recognition getting mangled, which seemed worse than a Crankshaft malapropism. BTW, I am almost reaching the point where I dislike Siri as much as Cranky.
Snarkotix Addict
July 28th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

@hogenmogen (#87): Margo: Who wants to go first?

Tommie: Well, now that I’m certified, I helped deliver a new life into -

Margo: I almost had sex with a billionaire until Tommie ruined it.

Yes, I know this tactic: Defer to others, then interrupt them and never let them get back to their story. I do that in staff meetings all the time.
“I am Margo, Hear me boor!”
Liam
July 28th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

MT-Cherry is not calling for Rusty she is just saying that is how she is sexually.

Gil Thorp-Sure just bring yours closer to me.

Gasoline Alley-Those Big D dvd players are a lot better than those Blu Ray dvd players.

MW-If only there were regulations for cruise ships to carry enough life preservers and life boats for every passenger on the ship and maybe some sort of drill so the passengers would know what to do when the ship is sinking.

MW 2-And at the last minute sensing that one of her people was in trouble Mary Worth swooped out of the sky to save the cruise ship and all the passengers. Mary then took everyone to a happy magical land where there was no suffering and plenty of salmon squares for all.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 28th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#105):

FW – Congratulations, you walked up a hill. And then made weeks of stupid comics about it.

Just call him the Grand Old Duke of York.
Thursday Next
July 28th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

FW You know, I’m actually enjoying Funky Winkerbean for the first time in years. If you just think of it as an graphic-novel-style illustrated travel brochure, it’s been perfectly fine the last couple of days. Sure there’s no plot except the cat that got by customs, but there’s been little dialog, which is great, given the level of humor that’s consistently missing. Also, no fatalities, and best of all, we’re too far away to see much of the smirking. Ok, today the guide has a little one, but really, after a trip with these idiots who can blame him, and we’ll never see him again after this trip, anyway.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 28th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#110):

Mary then took everyone to a happy magical land where there was no suffering and plenty of salmon squares for all.
The terms “no suffering” and “plenty of salmon squares” are mutually exclusive.
greghousesgf
July 28th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

@S. Stout (#80): Jughead’s comment to Betty here is a little like saying “you ride a bicycle well for a chimpanzee”.
Liam
July 28th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

A3G-It looks like Margo will go first because Tommie just snapped her neck turning her head too fast.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 28th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#113): And blockquote tags should always be closed, and preview should always be used.
Liam
July 28th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

MW-You know what would be great at a time like this, flying a kite. Kite flying will make you forget all about your impending death by drowning.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 28th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#77): Ah, now you’ve got me missing Corner Gas.
Snarkotix Addict
July 28th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

C-shaft Ewww! This really makes my skin crawl. The only time I want to see Pam touching that old man’s bare skin is when she’s washing him for burial.

MT Interesting hierarchy in Lost Forest. “Rusty… wash up and tell Doc to come to the table!”
Not “ask” but “tell” Doc to come to the table. Cherry is in command, but Rusty is more dominant than Doc, which explains why no one listens to him anyway. I wonder where Andy fits in?

F-bean Any bets the little cat finally gets a name? Maybe “Kittimanjaro”? *smacks self*
Mibbitmaker
July 28th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

Zits: Aw, just the letter “i” away from promoting my webcomic! So close!

S-M: Petey hates her play that much — for petulant husband reasons, no doubt.

Stone Soup: My sentiments exactly.

MT: Did Elrod put a ton of botox in his drawing implement, or is this how the Mona Lisa yells impatiently at people?

Luann: With friends like Crystal, who needs double agent assassins?

JP: “It may be a thrill for you, friend, but it’s cruel asphyxiation torture to me! A-holes!”

9CL: “Raise” now? NOBODY SAYS THAT! Perfectly well-done touching scene ruined by its very creator(‘s thesaurus absorption)!
Anonymous
July 28th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#89):

I am “Anonymous” in this case. Some relationship between weather, wiring and electrons is at fault. I really did mean to sign my name.
Bill Peschel
July 28th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

We thought the Dilbert inflation was meant to save him from an ass-chewing, but CYA works as well.
Dale
July 28th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#121):

The situation is not improving. I have a degree in electrical engineering, and still think the stuff is magic. Consider all those “electrons” running around. You can’t trust them.
Cloudbuster
July 28th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

@Snarkotix Addict (#119): “I wonder where Andy fits in?” Obviously above Cherry. Andy is arguably above even Mark in the heirarchy, but Andy, being the smartest being in the strip, prefers to act behind the scenes, rather than taking an ostentatiously dominant role.
Irrischano
July 28th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

Poor Dilton, not only is he a third wheel on Archie and Jughead’s date, but he has to be constantly reminded of it too.
Cloudbuster
July 28th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#16): I had to take one required class that used COBOL back in college (in the mid-80s). Even then COBOL was well past its hey-day. There was something about the language — it was so formal, so verbose, that it seemed to actively get in the way of getting useful coding done. It set a record for speed of “knowledge that has completely vanished from my brain.” Even Pascal retained more of a hold, despite its lack of practical use, because at least it made sense and didn’t require page after page of laborious declarations (That’s about the only thing I remember, that even simple code would be 80% set-up, 20% meat. My memory may be clouded by the professor’s code commenting and formatting requirements and such, I don’t know. All I firmly absorbed was COBOL == ridiculous.).
Mibbitmaker
July 28th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

A DirecTV Ad Parody, Using Today’s Comics

When you watch cable
(A&J) you abandon it and talk to the microwave.

When you abondon it and talk to your microwave,
(BBlues) you’ll send your kids outside to roast.

When you send your kids outside to roast,
(BC) they’ll play a really gross game of baseball.

When they play a really gross game of baseball,
(BBailey) they’ll switch to a spastic game of golf with you.

When they switch to a spastic game of golf with you,
(Crank) it’ll give you a bad back.

When it gives you a bad back,
(DT) You’ll get sedated by a villainess.

When you get sedated by a villainess,
you’ll start seeing today’s Lio.

When you start seeing today’s Lio,
(Luann) It reminds you of snarky best “friends”.

When it reminds you of snarky best “friends”,
(MT) People start to disappear.

When people start to disappear,
(MW) They drown.

When they drown,
(MW) two insensitive dweebs watch it like a TV show.

When two insensitive dweebs watch it like a TV show,
(Mutts) they diss the B52s.

When they diss the B52s,
(NS) pirates take their stuff.

When pirates take their stuff,
(PCity) they get ideologically mean.

When they get ideologically mean,
(R&R) they pop a kid’s beach ball.

When they pop a kid’s beach ball,
It cuts out 75% of RMMD on Darkgate.

When it cuts out 75% of RMMD on Darkgate,
you read The Amazing Spider-Man.

When you read The Amazing Spider-Man,
you get mighty disappointed.

When you get mighty disappointed,
(FC) you get scammed in a card game.

When you get scammed at a card game,
(Zits) you have to pick lint off a teenager’s clothes.

Don’t pick lint off a teenager’s clothes!
Get… (etc., etc.)
tallyHO
July 28th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#51):
the “Bea look”—without looking, I was wondering if Jughead is aping Aunt Bea or Bea Arthur.

@Frank Lee Meidere (#106):

Hahaa! /nelson muntz

@Snarkotix Addict (#109):
Every reader of A3G deserves a full week of Margo singing that song. From Sunday to Saturday. With Tommie and LuAnn providing back up vocals and handclaps.

@Flounder (#101):

Hahaa! The Leprechauns will take the gold!
//sadly, if only that were true, i’d watch the games. C’mon, Ireland, where’s your team spirits? (oh, you drank it all?)
Cloudbuster
July 28th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

@Dale (#123): Electrons have no loyalty. You’re right not to trust them.
Lenoxus
July 28th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

I think I finally understand the Archie gag; it’s a scrambled variant of lines like “Gee, you sure have a funny way of ‘doing your homework’,” or “You call this ‘fancy eating’?”, as applied by the AJGLU to the concept of “dating”. Because Dilton’s summertime-occupation equivalent to dating is programming, he may be said to demonstrate an unusual take on ‘online dating’. If you squint and hit your head a couple times.

Meanwhile, thank you for explaining the events of Snuffy Smith, Josh. Of course if it weren’t for this blog I wouldn’t read Snuffy Smith to begin with, so I suppose it all cancels out.

I kept seeing Tater as opening some kind of large anchovies-like container of Lord-knows-what. It’s the stripes on the edge of the chalkboard that most confused me.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#103): You’re not dead by now? Wow.

@Frank Lee Meidere (#113): Seconded, but not in blockquote font.

@Dale (#123): Was your Ethernet cable bent? Sometimes that lets the 1′s pass through but the 0′s end up clogged up like the 405 at 5:30pm.
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

@Flounder (#100): (Note to self: start memorizing Child ballads for my kids…)

@Frank Lee Meidere (#111): …and when they were only half-way up, they were exactly disconnected enough from either meaningful state to think up phrases like “solo car date” and “vendos.”
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

@Cloudbuster (#126):
I had to take a course like that too. I dropped out after couple of weeks after I kept getting my Hollerith (IBM) cards out of order every time I tried to load a program, and had to keep going to back of the line in computer lab.

Just to remind you of how fun the language is, here’s our old favorite, “Hello, World” in COBAL I found on the web:

000100 IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
000200 PROGRAM-ID. HELLOWORLD.
000300
000400*
000500 ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
000600 CONFIGURATION SECTION.
000700 SOURCE-COMPUTER. RM-COBOL.
000800 OBJECT-COMPUTER. RM-COBOL.
000900
001000 DATA DIVISION.
001100 FILE SECTION.
001200
100000 PROCEDURE DIVISION.
100100
100200 MAIN-LOGIC SECTION.
100300 BEGIN.
100400 DISPLAY ” ” LINE 1 POSITION 1 ERASE EOS.
100500 DISPLAY “Hello world!” LINE 15 POSITION 10.
100600 STOP RUN.
100700 MAIN-LOGIC-EXIT.
100800 EXIT.
CanuckDownSouth
July 28th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#133): I think I now understand the 90s physicists’ fondness for FORTRAN, considering the alternatives.

My mom had to learn COBOL w/ punchcards, and parlayed that into a computer job while my dad got through law school; I can understand why she doesn’t remember any of it anymore. Egads.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#118): Oh, Frank, you’re here at last! Good. Some newbie called “Flounder” (if you can believe it!) keeps making all these idiotic posts. A bunch of us are going to get together and flame him good! Are you in?
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 28th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere(#97): I had a Timex Sinclair 2068 for a first computer, and had some fun with it, programming graphics and monophonic music. Drawing in BASIC was tedious, so I made an etch-a-sketch program that drew straight lines and curve segments using arrow keys and stuff. When we stepped up (to a PCjr, because we looked at Macintoshes and decided we wanted something with a future!), I let my parents have the Timex (which was abandoned by the company about the time we got the box open). Some years later, they let me have it back, but it had lost its ability to read programs from a cassette player, alas.

@Chaze126 (#103): Or else they figure anybody who was a hippie then must surely have ODd by now, since that’s the myth that’s always pushed. And…

@Frank Lee Meidere (#107): …in the comments to the article you posted, there it is. “Buncha smelly hippys! Haw haw! Am I rite??” Only now it’s relative youngsters repeating it, for some reason.

@Thursday Next (#112): I suspect the writers of Fred Basset have been helping Batiuk with this one.
“We are walking up a hill!”
“It is cold!”
Ho ho, Readers!
Frank Lee Meidere
July 28th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#135): Just hand me a torch and pitchfork and I’m in. There he goes now, heading out around Gil Thorp and doing a fade past Snuffy Smith! You guys go that way, and I’ll cut him off by heading over to Aunt Fritzi’s place.

// If we need to keep in touch, just send notes coded in COBAL.
Greg K
July 28th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

The thing about today’s Barney Google that struck me is how long it would take a toddler to assemble the tools he needs to draw that illustration. And, then, how long it would take him to draw it. Those ladies stayed locked in that position for, probably, forty-five minutes. Which leads me to wonder if they are chained up in the Smith’s basement and Tater just happened to toddle in.
Peanut Gallery
July 28th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#42): So this guy with an inflatable coccyx walks into a bar…
Frank Lee Meidere
July 28th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#136): My cousin had an Adam. God, was he proud of that thing. He never did any programming with it, however. In fact, I’m not sure if you could. Now that I think about it, the Adam might have been a dedicated word processor. Whatever it was, it sure was slow.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

@CanuckDownSouth (#134): Hey, hey, hey. If it weren’t for COBOL, there wouldn’t have been a Y2K Scare a few years back. Young whippernsnappers. Get off my lawn! [waves cane menacingly]
Red Greenback
July 28th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#139): …and the bartender says “Hey! We have a drink named after you! It’s called a Guy with an inflatable coccyx on the beach.”
Frank Lee Meidere
July 28th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

My wife and I are off to Toronto for a birthday party being held for one of my past editors. See you all either much, much later tonight, or sometime tomorrow.

And if you catch that Flounder fellow, give him a good what for.

// “What-for”? “Whatfor”? Hmm.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 28th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

@Red Greenback (#142): Hey! I had one of those once. Knocked me right on my ass. I bounced right back, though.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

@CanuckDownSouth (#134): Here’s a cool site with Hello World program listings in 200 languages.
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#136): For some reason it’s “hip” among the young-adult persons these days to sneer at hippies. I presume it’s because anybody who was a teenager or young adult in the late ’60s is grandparent-age to these people, and scorning the old is perceived as “cool” among the ill-bred.
Peanut Gallery
July 28th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#103): I have the opposite problem. Several years ago, when a young co-worker mentioned that he was born in 1985, I thought, “That’s not possible. He couldn’t be an adult if he wasn’t even born until 1985.”
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#136): Though frankly, all it makes me think is, “people who live in the cultural glass house that spawned N’Sync…”
tallyHO
July 28th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

Let’s all change at least one Archie panel:

I’m going with the last one:

“Spent my Summer sucking hard, right Arch?”

(it explains Nerdy’s look of shock)
Peanut Gallery
July 28th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#131): You know, we could save a lot of bandwidth by just transmitting the 1′s, and on the receiving end, assume all the missing bits are 0′s. Why hasn’t anyone ever thought of this before??
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#139): So this guy with an inflatable coccyx walks into a bar…

1) and the bartender says, “You know this isn’t a gay bar, right?”
2) and the bartender says, “You know this IS a gay bar, right?”
3) and says to the bartender, “I’ve got a great idea for a cartoon, wanna hear it?”

// So. It has come to this!
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#150): Truly you have a dizzying intellect.
Peanut Gallery
July 28th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

@Red Greenback (#142): … and the bartender says, “Hey, what is this? One of those silly names for a band?”
pastordan
July 28th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

@Cloudbuster (#126): @Nehemiah Scudder (#16): My father-in-law loves COBOL. Reason being, the health-care provider he works for has some legacy systems that still depend on COBOL (and C++) in the background. Since he’s one of the few guys to have learned it back in the days–yes, on punchcards–he has instant job security. That’s his story, anyway, and he’s sticking to it.
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

MW — Look at all those suits. And except for the alleged child whimpering “mama” a couple of days ago, the women are also in formal wear. That settles it. No cruise vacations for me.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#139): So this guy with an inflatable coccyx walks into a bar…

and asks the bartender, “Any way a guy can get a little tail around here?”

Anyway, tragic story in the news. Guy got in a car accident, and his air bag deployed. It would have saved his life, but unfortunately, he also had an inflatable coccyx…
tallyHO
July 28th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

i may spend the rest of the day writing about snuffy smif

1) do bras exist in Hootin Holler? And, hey, if those ladies are all liberated, whoo hoo!

2)Count me in as one who doesn’ t see what Josh sees. I still really don’t see a potato. If it is supposed to be anything, I’d guess an amoeba.

I can understand what Josh explained. The first panel sets up the name thing. But, I guess if this were based on someone real, Loweezy would interpret what he was trying to say. That’s how the joke would work best. (“He’s saying, call me by my given name!”)*

It would also have been better to just have him hold up a sign with a picture of a potato and the word Tater on that sign.

But, it brings up the fact that he completely identifies himself with potatoes. I don’t know much about child development at whatever age the kid is but shouldn’t he NOT associate himself with food names? He obviously knows what he is not. He’s not a Peach, a Cupcake or a Peanut. But, should he even consider those food names as people names?

*or, however that is written/pronounced in gobbledegookese.
Amateur
July 28th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

MW: There’s been some awfully fancy diving going on these past couple of days. I wonder if Giella lost his train of thought and just started drawing the ultimate Charterstone pool party.
tallyHO
July 28th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

@Amateur (#158):

Which would make it more vital that the artist formerly known as Cat Stevens, floats by on an inflatable dingy, singing nonsense lyrics like,
Kitty Kat Meow
La La LaLa La!

If Rodney Dangerfield taught me anything, when it comes to endings and disasters it is time to party!
Peanut Gallery
July 28th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#152): Thank you! And thanks also for explaining the “My Grandfather’s Clock” reference in A&J, which I totally didn’t get. With your knowledge and my ingenuity, we can finally build that paddle-wheel-propelled submarine!

@pastordan (#154): I remember hearing stories like that about five years ago and wondering how long that situation would last. Based on what I’ve seen in the software biz, they will keep using the COBOL systems until the last COBOL programmer is dead, and then they will throw the systems away and accept whatever losses that involves. Nobody likes to invest in porting anything, whether it makes financial sense or not.
Girl Reporter
July 28th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

I hope Avery wet his hands before grasping Mr. Brown
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

@pastordan (#154), @Peanut Gallery (#160): My boss has mentioned a few times when we’ve been BSing about languages that there’s actually quite a demand for COBOL programmers now since so many of the original priestly caste are hitting retirement age or just plain dying off. Almost enough to make a guy consider switching jobs…

…until you look at @Nehemiah Scudder (#133) and realize that that’s a simple example.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 28th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

SSmith: “Stop calling me by my slave name! I keep telling you, I’m Moon Rock.”

Archie: Was “online dating” a term they used back in the eighties? I’m trying to figure out if they’re still in reruns. In any case, Jughead, people in glass houses…

A3G: “Ruby and I had an amazing time together. The kind of time you really can’t describe or write about, so it’s futile to even try.”

Curtis: Moar research pleez. The reason cable networks even bother to air competitive eating events is because they see the monster ratings it gets in Japan. If that’s celebrating gluttony, we’re not the only country that does it.

MT: He didn’t hear the comma in “It’s time to eat, Rusty,” so ran away to escape the cannibal feast.

MW: In a surprise twist, Wilbur and Dawn turn out to be the smart ones onboard.

C-Shaft: Too much Crankshaft skin! Too much father-daughter time! Too much to bear!

JP: It’s Avery’s best brown trout ever, thanks to the bran muffin and extra-large cup of coffee he had for breakfast.

RMMD: Ah, an after-funeral get-together at a bar with a bunch of life-long alcoholics. This may be the most medical research Rex has done since school.

BB: Do something, you dolt! He’s having an epileptic seizure.

DT: She had the top of her cranium sanded off so that she’d match her husband. Now that is love, or something.

GT: Gil saves himself a lot of time and heartache by not actually listening to people when they talk to him.

FC: Dolly doesn’t have woman’s intuition. She has a pile of incriminating Polaroids at her feet.

SFx: What’s vulture for “Dick move, man”?
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 28th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

@Mibbitmaker (#120):

Luann: With friends like Crystal, who needs double agent assassins?

The phrase “Job’s comforters” comes to mind.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 28th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#147): I had a reaction like that the first time I saw a Playboy centerfold who’d been born in 1960. That would have been around ’80.

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#163): At a family wedding recently, one of my sisters was heard to say, “I’m really a Williams. Nichols is my slave name.”
tallyHO
July 28th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#163):

When it comes to hungry lions, that’s a clown question, bro!

(i like to think my comments from yesterday on that strip are still relevant today. oh. wait.)
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 28th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#41): COTW-worthy comment on A3G,
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

@Cloudbuster (#124): I’ve always believed that Andy has a secret underground lair in LoFo, from which he surveils and manages the various goings-on. He has an inexplicable loyalty to Mark, so he ensures that all will end well for him. He does not, perhaps, have the same loyalty to Rusty.

What I’m saying is, if you’d like to see the sheep killers become “Rusty killers,” you’ll need to send your petitions and prayers to Andy.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#167): Thanks!
Lynn
July 28th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

FW: Wait…that’s not the guide…that’s CAYLA!
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 28th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#72): Lacking context on that panel, I’m going to assume Jughead hallucinated that Betty was a BLT.
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#171): I thought the usual metaphor was a tuna sandwich?
bats :[
July 28th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

@Thursday Next (#112): there’s always a possibility, hope beyond hope, that it will be sooner than later, too.
Snarkotix Addict
July 28th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#61): SS — See that look of utter disdain on Tater’s face? He doesn’t wish to be addressed by the names of those lesser plants that weren’t featured in THE BOTANY OF DESIRE.

So true. He really likes it when his friends call him “Weed.”
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#150): And we can use much thinner cabling, too. Think of all the copper we can save!
tallyHO
July 28th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

@Lynn (#170):

The way the character is drawn makes it look like she/he’s breaking the fourth walk and looking at the reader while she/he is smirking about the group he/she’s photo.

tee hee.
BeckoningChasm
July 28th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

Loweezy’s smirk in “Snuffy” makes me think she’s been taking lessons from Funky Winkerbean’s Les Moore. That’s a truly Moore-on smirk right there.
Little A.
July 28th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

General commnents. I’ve been looking at this site and occasionally contributing for a couple of years, and of course enjoying most of the cocmments; and have been looking at some of the comics snot carried in New York City papers, either here or at the Houston Chronicle site, and what I have to say is,
most current comic strips are poorly draw, poorly written, lack good humor if they are supposed to be funny. I still like a few: One Big Happy, although I think the quality of the drawings has deteriorated, Doonesbury, although I don’t care for this week’s strips — too political even for this strip; Blondie is insulting, so is Zits. A3G.. is below contempt, so is MW… why am I going on like this. Just a few remarks.
Little A.
July 28th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

Sorry about
the spelling errors. I didn’t proofread that.
pastordan
July 28th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#162): My f-i-l is very clear that he doesn’t have to use those skills very often, and for that he’s grateful. He’s also told me that if I ever get desperate and need a job, he’ll put me on the night shift. His logic is that he could train an ape to do what needs to be done at his office; the problem is getting people to do it dependably.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

@Little A. (#179): You mean you didn’t intend “comics snot”? Because I think it’s pretty apt for a good number of them. Reply All: drip, drip. . . .
pastordan
July 28th, 2012 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

Irony, thy name is…well, actually, I don’t know your name. But I do know that the very thing I snarked about in today’s Sinfest kept me off the internets for the afternoon. My sermon is probably better for it.
fluffy
July 28th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

I would guess that the original lines in Archie were “computer programming” and “computer dating,” respectively; in the 1980s, “computer dating” was the big trendy thing, where you’d fill out a punch card with all of your information and then mail it in and then a computer would magically match you up with someone else, scientifically. It was sort of a proto-eHarmony, except without the creepy religious agenda behind it.
fluffy
July 28th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

…and maybe I should actually read the comments first, where like a billion dozen people already posted that or something similar.
Little A.
July 28th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#181): You are right, it actually fits, although that’s not what I intended to write. My unconscientious mind must have been at work, I suppose.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 28th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

9CL – It is good to see the strip’s Gay Best Friend and his part-time boyfriend fulfill their reason for existence – to live vicariously through the heterosexual relationships of the Special Snowflake. Maybe later they can go home for a hot night together sewing more flourishes on her wedding dress.
Cloudbuster
July 28th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#133): Thank the Lord, I missed punchcards by one year. They’d moved to a JCL system and actual on-line code storage. The editor was one step above edlin and about a million steps below vi, but it seemed amazing at the time!
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#173): Hey, Mister Guide! Whatever they offer, I’ll double it if you’ll take the kitten down safely and leave the rest of them up there!
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

@Snarkotix Addict (#174): Good one!
Northern lurker
July 28th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

MW: that island looks close enough that a decent swimmer should be able to make it-that is if they take off their suit jackets and leather shoes of
Hairhead
July 28th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

Luann:
Crystal: Tiff, I know I’m your best and only friend, and therefore it is my solemn duty, when you are down, depressed, and bummed, to kick you right in the crotch!
Tiff: OOWWWW!! Whatthehellwasthatfor?!! What did I ever do to you?
Crystal: Oh Tiff, being ambitious, hard-working, and goal-oriented never works for anyone in the Luanniverse. Doing things that normal people do in the normalverse just leads to you being punished. Frequently. Incessantly.
Tiff: So if I do the reverse . . .
Crystal: (continuing to apply eye makeup in cancer-causing quantities) Yup. Loser.
Tiff: (decks Crystal with a mean left hook) Okay, bitch, you won’t need any more makeup on that left eye of yours! (Stalks out of the washroom) What next? Well, poor Gunther’s been led on by the cocktease Luann . . . (Spots Gunther) Hey! Gunther! (grabs his arm) Let’s go make out under the bleachers.
Gunther: (eyes cross) Uh . . . okay!
Cloudbuster
July 28th, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#136): I remember a friend in college sitting at his PC Jr., making fun of my silly, “toy” Macintosh, and how it would never amount to anything. Even at the time, I just rolled my eyes.
Chaze126
July 28th, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#146): Young folks today may sneer at the hippies from the 60s, but I think they have more in common with them as a group than any generation that’s come before them. They just don’t know it.

Me? I’m such a Baby Boomer archetype it almost makes me I’ll.
Chaze126
July 28th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#193): That’s “ill” of course. Damn spellcheck.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#194): No, I think that given the Baby-Boomer archetype, it’s apt (as with Little A’s typo above)! (I’m speaking as a Boomer myself here.)
Chaze126
July 28th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#186): It IS irritating that there is no self actualization among any of McEldowney’s gay characters. Makes you think they’re self-loathing, much like….um….well….something with whom they are intimately related?
odinthor
July 28th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#106):

Sounds fishy to me.

(Yes . . . yes, I know. I’m sorry; but it had to be said, and everyone else had good enough judgment not to.)
odinthor
July 28th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

“Have you had a date this summer, Dilton?”

“I spend most of my time working on palm fertilization techniques!”

“You give a new meaning to the concept of the digital age.”

“Does anyone know what the hell we’re talking about?”

“I think some clod is trying, with poor success, to obtain humor from a supposed mix-up of dates the fruit and dates the romancin’ thing, palms the trees that produce dates and palms the area of one’s hands, and ‘digital’ perhaps implying jacking off while also suggesting cyber stuff. Oh, and ‘palm fertilization’ being misunderstood as getting jizz all over your hands.”

“Sigh. Dave spent most of his time working on palm fertilization techniques…”

“Hey, where’d she come from?”
Liam
July 28th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

Ziggy-Ziggy, you have the insurance with the crazy middle age woman who secretly has a thing for bald short men that don’t wear pants.
Droopy Says
July 28th, 2012 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#79): I’m still hoping that the kitten will be discovered by the local lions, who will declare it to be the long-lost heir to the Lion King throne. Or even better, that they need its DNA to counteract generations of inbreeding, which has reduced them from a pride of lions to a mope of smirkers.
Steve
July 28th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

MW: “Hey Dad, remember when I was all sad about that breakup, and you took me on this cruise to put things into perspective? Mission accomplished.”
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 28th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

@Cloudbuster (#192): I thought the first Macs were pretty interesting. I really liked the black and white graphics and all. I was not the sole decision maker, however. I remember our jr well. If you push the wrong button, it does this moronic little animated guy — just what a dull sales presentation needs to punch it up! We added onto it until it was a low-level PC with no hard drive. I still have it, in a couple of boxes. Some day a museum will take it.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 28th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

@Steve (#201): Just don’t let Dawn find out that the whole ‘emergency’ thing was cooked up by Mary and Wilbur to show her that there’s a silver lining to every rainbow, and she should stop and smell all the fish in the sea.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

Limerick for Dilbert

In music I like a rock mix,
So in country bars I mock hicks,
I don’t take any sass,
‘Cuz they can’t kick my ass,
I have an inflatable coccyx.

// Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me has ruined my life.
Sgt. Stoned
July 28th, 2012 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

GT: Gil Thorp has got to be relataed to Mark Trail. They are both completely devoid of human empathy.

Archie: I am betting that in the original, Dilton was referring to “computer punch cards” and Jughead’s response was something about “giving a whole new meaning to strip poker.”

MW: What is the purpose of jumping overboard? I mean, if the ship is sinking, the passengers are going to end up in the water sooner or later anyway.

MT: Somebody really ought to teach Elrod about the radical new innovation in comic strip art: the thought balloon.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

@Sgt. Stoned (#205):
MW: What is the purpose of jumping overboard? I mean, if the ship is sinking, the passengers are going to end up in the water sooner or later anyway.

I addressed that the other day.

Here
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

Do you think Archie Comics is going to get angry letters from freetards whining that they should’ve referred to GNU/Linux?
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#207): I’m going to get started right now!

// Thanks!
Liam
July 28th, 2012 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

Archie-You give a whole new meaning to hard drive.

Archie 2-You give a whole new meaning to floppy disk.

Archie 3-You give a whole new meaning to flash drive.
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#208): “Dear Archie Comics: I’m going to embroil you in a nerd turf war nearly as old as the initial printing of this comic!”
Nehemiah Scudder
July 28th, 2012 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#210): Once I suck them into the vi vs. emacs war, Archie’s empire will fade, this hideous blot on our culture will be consigned to the ashtrays of history!
Pucacodog
July 28th, 2012 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#18): I felt all warm and fuzzy when I read that A&J strip. My dad had a songbook with that tune in it, and it was one of the few I learned to plonk out on the piano. Charming, charming song. I’m glad someone else got the reference.
Chip Whittle
July 28th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#162):

…until you look at @Nehemiah Scudder (#133) and realize that that’s a simple example.

But that is a simple example. It’s longwinded, but it’s also obvious to anyone who’s programmed any language that most of that bulk is boilerplate, stuff that may contain useful information for a more complicated example, but that just needs to be here to satisfy a strict compiler. (Note the example of “Hello World” on Scriptol is shorter.) Filling out boilerplate is not work.

And even not knowing Cobol, but knowing languages at all, you could take a fair guess what the content of “Data Division” or “Configuration Division” might be expected to be, or why in a program doing a more complicated task they’d be worth having.

For my tastes, Object Oriented C or Postscript are more obscurantist, but you can’t say one language is more or less complicated than another when it’s doing such a kindergarden problem. Show it doing something of substance and then you can start evaluating it. (Which doesn’t address that when you start getting into complicated examples some languages are just not designed for things other languages are. I wouldn’t program a web page backend in Fortran, but I wouldn’t program a high-power numerical simulation in Perl either.)
Poteet
July 28th, 2012 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

@Pucacodog (#212): It didn’t even occur to me that the reference was obscure. I too learned to plonk out that song on the piano. You didn’t by chance also learn an obscure little number called “Here Comes Captain Silver,” did you:-)? The lyrics are lodged forever in my brain, which is having trouble remembering more useful stuff.
HAnzMFG
July 29th, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

Jughead as usual holds little interest in maintaining relevant conversation; instead, his thought process involves, “hm these guys are talking about dating and computers. Well guess I better make a half-assed comment so the guys don’t think I’m just a random dude walking with them indulging in a masturbatory eating habit.”
Uncle Lumpy
July 29th, 2012 at 12:33 am [Reply]

Archie can’t do COBOL jokes because the AJGLU-3000 is written in COBOL — it’s kind of a fish/water thing.
Poteet
July 29th, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

MT — Yay, a happy conservation story!
This Guy
July 29th, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#204): And now I hear that limerick in Carl Kasell’s voice.

LISTENER: “Um…”
SAGAL: “Here’s a hint: it’s part of the ass.”
LISTENER: “Crack?”
[audience laughter]
ROCCA: “I’m not sure how that would work, but I’d like one.”
SAGAL: “No… why don’t we hear it again.”
Mr. O'Malley
July 29th, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#21): I concur with everyone else that the joke is supposed to be CYA (not Canadian Yachting Association), but it took me most of the day to get the idea.
Poteet
July 29th, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

MW — Wilbur’s heroic love for his daughter is causing him to actually expand horizontally! Oh Wilbur, surely, surely you will live through this catastrophe to eat sammiches again. And I’ll bet the cruise ship industry appreciates the modest but earnest efforts of this storyline to encourage all of us readers to climb aboard and enjoy the wonderfulness of cruising. As soon as I can get myself in good enough shape to do a great swan dive, I’ll buy a ticket.
Poteet
July 29th, 2012 at 12:56 am [Reply]

FW — Les, it is your duty to leave photos of Dead Lisa in all the difficult places of the planet. Next stop, the Mariana Trench. And don’t bother with a submarine. Just tie yourself to a great big boulder and sink down, down, down.
commodorejohn
July 29th, 2012 at 1:23 am [Reply]

@Chip Whittle (#213): I dunno. You’re right that looks can be deceiving, but I think when an example program that’s somewhere from four to six lines long in the common professional languages of today (and one in some of the training languages) is twenty-one lines long and at least fifteen are boilerplate, that’s a pretty good warning sign. You’re right that boilerplate isn’t the same kind of work that actual problem-solving is – it’s a much worse kind of work, drudgery that you’re obligated to do for no reason when you could be focusing on the work that’s actually interesting.
Droopy Says
July 29th, 2012 at 1:23 am [Reply]

Yesterday’s Arlo & Janis: “The Grandfather’s Clock” is here:
http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/music/clock.mp3
It most likely inspired that Twilight Zone episode about the old man and his clock. It’s cheerful as only a post-Civil-War song can be cheerful.

Spider-Bland: Poor Asi-9, thwarted by his supervillain ability to outsmart Spiderman. But all is not lost, as Peter Parker’s TVsense proves more reliable than his spidersense.

Creepy Les: If this bogus “story” proves to be the culmination of some heretofore unmentioned desire that Dead Fucking Lisa had to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, then Batiuk can fuck himself.

Jugs Parker: If that picture really is worth a million dollars to Avarice, why didn’t he immediately give it to Sam? And, um, Bubba? Seeing as how you need to kill Sam and Fat Bastard anyway, why not whack them first, and then check the camera for pictures of the marijuana patch?

Mary Mirthless:Hold it, they’re a hundred yards from shore and the ship has sunk that deep? And Wilbur can’t swim that far? Or is he scared that the shores of the Adriatic are infested by tribes of cannibals?

Mark Trail: In the civilized world, “about thirty-nine inches” is called “one meter.”

Pluggers: This is number five thousand and seventy-nine in the “Pluggrs dont nede no stinkin eddukayshun, hyuk-hyuk-hyuk” series.
commodorejohn
July 29th, 2012 at 1:25 am [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#223): This is number five thousand and seventy-nine in the “Pluggrs dont nede no stinkin eddukayshun, hyuk-hyuk-hyuk” series.
Or it would be if they could count higher than ten.

(I hear tell that Plugger card-sharks can go all the way up to twenty-one!)
tallyHO
July 29th, 2012 at 1:39 am [Reply]

early or just a late night…

Sunday…Sunday…Sunday…at the International Speedway way way….

Spider-The-Man—Yup. S-M is just bright enough to almost realize that Clown-9 has outsmarted him. He just can’t quite grasp the possibility that he will be out-witted again.

Meanwhile, Clown-9’s Duckmobile keeps shrinking (it must be running low on Duck Fat–feed it more corny jokes, C-9!)
Droopy Says
July 29th, 2012 at 1:40 am [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#224): That’s only the ones with extra digits on their paws. For most Pluggers, it’s octal all the way–and they start to get confused after they pass four.
tallyHO
July 29th, 2012 at 1:48 am [Reply]

Move over Mary Worth, Wilbur is about to show us why goes by the name of Wendy during the day, and to Wendy’s all night long

Is it customary for seaman to jump ship before the passengers do? Or does the crew usually stay on board and evacuate before the captain does?

/seriously
tallyHO
July 29th, 2012 at 1:51 am [Reply]

snuffy smif shattering faith since pert near the end o’ prohibition.

Hyuck Hyuck Hyoooooooo!
tallyHO
July 29th, 2012 at 1:57 am [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#223):

RE: Pluggers

You said it best. I whole-heartedly concur.

grrrr….eat more oatmeal, Pluggers!
tallyHO
July 29th, 2012 at 2:00 am [Reply]

(think that song ‘Barracuda’)

Funkity, Funkity, Funkity Boom Booowww!

Funkity, Funkity, Funkity Boom Booooooooooow!

Lisa’s dead.
tallyHO
July 29th, 2012 at 2:06 am [Reply]

Dennis the Menace:

It starts out with Dennis imitating the Gingerbread Man.

And, it ends up with his dad crushing hard on the babysitter.

Where have you gone, Mr. Mitchell?
She wasn’t making googly eyes to you (boo hoo hoo)
Droopy Says
July 29th, 2012 at 2:30 am [Reply]

@tallyHO (#227): Seriously, it’s all but unknown for a crew to abandon ship without first seeing to the passengers’s safety. The only case I can think of offhand was the SS Jeddah, which was the inspiration for Conrad’s “Lord Jim.”
tallyHO
July 29th, 2012 at 2:35 am [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#232):

Ha! Let’s hope the Mary Worth strip doesn’t cause an international incident like The Simpsons did with Brazil. Because, the strip is basically calling those sailors cowards.

hm. On second thought. Does anyone but us know Mary Worth is still being made?
tallyHO
July 29th, 2012 at 2:38 am [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#232):

Now that I re-read my initial questions:
1) thanks for the confirmation;
2) If the sailors had dialogue in that last panel, they’d probably being shouting:

“You’re on your ooooooooooooooown!”

SPLASH!
tallyHO
July 29th, 2012 at 2:42 am [Reply]

(I’m going for umpteen posts tonight)

MW-
So, Wilbur is delusional if he thinks his actions are that of a Hero Sammich (or would he pronounce it Gyro (or would he start singing, He Ro Rowed His Boat Ashore/ Nomnom Nooooom Nom?)?)

At best, Wilbur’s heroic actions might end up with all of us going to Taco Bell and ordering a Wilburrito. With Hot, Spicy Tex-Mex Mayo (for when life is brutal).
Cal
July 29th, 2012 at 3:32 am [Reply]

Today’s FW (7-29-2012) — while a little nauseating — is at least understandable. My previous partner has been dead for seven years and, although I am happily remarried, I still keep my late partner’s photo on the fridge and write his mother every year on his birthday. Not quite as creepy as all those ghostly Lisa-videos (“Remind Summer to get her college applications in on time!” “Find yourself a nice wife to take Summer to the mall for you!”…), but still — sometimes the people you love never quite leave you.
HAnzMFG
July 29th, 2012 at 3:47 am [Reply]

Smutty Smith’s second panel has reached levels of disturbing hillbilly mama boob saggage which are dangerously approaching critical mass.
Baka Gaijin
July 29th, 2012 at 3:49 am [Reply]

I didn’t realize Mary Worth could afford a cameo by an angry Drew Carey. (Sunday Strip)

I’ll be sad when, sometime around Wednesday, Dawn wakes up on the couch, clutching her stuffed dolphin, with a Costa Concordia blaring away on CNN and says, “Whew! It was all a dream.” Life is brutal.
Baka Gaijin
July 29th, 2012 at 4:02 am [Reply]

Let’s try that again:

I’ll be sad when, sometime around Wednesday, Dawn wakes up on the couch, clutching her stuffed dolphin, with a Costa Concordia documentary blaring away on CNN and says, “Whew! It was all a dream.” Life is brutal.
gnarx
July 29th, 2012 at 4:42 am [Reply]

@Lenoxus (#130): I would assume AJGLU has a crush on Dilton and dreams about getting some heavy syscall action from him.
Mr. O'Malley
July 29th, 2012 at 7:00 am [Reply]

I took a COBOL class once and I don’t remember it as being that bad once you got used to it.

We had a program (semester project) that was about 2 feet of punch cards but the operator (we weren’t allowed to put our own cards in the card-reader for big jobs) dropped them. I had a big crush on her but I couldn’t figure out how to turn this incident into getting her to go out with me. I don’t think the staff socialized with students anyway.

Once we got the cards sorted again we did a crash course in figuring out how to get the keypunch to punch sequence numbers into the cards so we could run them through the card sorter if that ever happened again.

I interviewed for a summer job as a COBOL programmer (in retrospect I had some nerve since I had only ever written one COBOL program) and the interviewer asked how hard was it to write COBOL programs. I said it was pretty straightforward but I guess that was the wrong answer. I should have moaned and groaned about how hard it was to attain such an esoteric skill. I didn’t get the job.

If you can figure out BASIC, COBOL is much the same, but with minutely detailed formatting.

Plus Grace Hopper was apparently quite a character. And she was the first person to find a “bug” in a program (Google it).
gleeb
July 29th, 2012 at 7:52 am [Reply]

‘bean: Always with the Deadwife. No wonder he left Cayha cooling her heels back in Ohio.

Pardon My Planet: You know, when so many damn gags have been made on a subject, all exactly the same, it’s not even plagiarism, it’s jut laziness.
KreatureFeatures
July 29th, 2012 at 7:58 am [Reply]

@Cal (#236): Nicely said, thank you Cal.
Col. Havoc
July 29th, 2012 at 8:12 am [Reply]

Self-Aware Sunday! (expected from Doonesbury, but Luann and Sally got meta as well. Fun!)
Crankenstank
July 30th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

At least now Ziggy has an excuse for not wearing pants when the EMTs arrive.

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