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IS THIS THE END OF WILBUR?

Mary Worth, 7/30/12

In a truly great Mary Worth storyline — of which I now officially deem this one — you can’t predict the ending from the opening days’ plots. Who would have guessed that, back when Dawn was moping around on the couch watching TV because some dumb boy dumped her, we’d eventually see her and her father clinging to a pole on a listing cruise ship, people in the background hurling themselves into the sea, as Wilbur makes peace with his impending death? The question now is whether Mary Worth actually intends to kill off the elder Weston. Usually such Very Special Deaths are meted out to particularly beloved characters, so as to pull at the heartstrings of readers; and while I love the Wilbs (so much so that I’ve given him a secret mental nickname, “the Wilbs”), my affection for everything Mary Worth is so far down a weird hole of pomo irony that I can’t guarantee that it’s a reflection of emotions held by normal humans. Still, I will be unironically sad if Wilbur dies. Don’t despair, Wilbur, you can do it! 100 yards is really not that far to swim! The Mediterranean is warm and pleasant this time of year! There are so many delicious panini on that island! HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF!

Ziggy, 7/30/12

A few years ago, we had a minor mouse problem and our cat was completely useless in dealing with it, a fact that became clear when she walked into my office with a tiny mouse in her mouth, dropped it on the floor, and watched it run off. “Bye, friend!” she was probably saying. “I hope we can play together again tomorrow!” Later I figured out that the mice were actually being drawn to her bags of cat food, which I stored on our back porch, and as soon as I started putting those in a rubber bin, the mice vanished. So not only was she not getting rid of mice, but she was indirectly responsible for their presence in the first place. What I’m trying to say is that maybe you should listen to the bipedal talking rodent, Ziggy, he’s making a certain amount of sense.

Family Circus, 7/30/12

Nice try, Billy, but your adorable malapropism can hardly hide the fact that you are angrily raging against the majesty of God’s creation and directly questioning His omnibenevolence. A few hours in the Keane Kompound hot box will hopefully save you from an eternity in hellfire later!

441 responses to “IS THIS THE END OF WILBUR?”

  1. Ed Dravecky
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    I’m fat. No, seriously, I am not a skinny man. But unlike a Plugger, I’ve never ever been unable to find the buckle on my seatbelt. Kiss my ample backside, Gary Brookins.

  2. Oregonian
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    “pomo irony”

    I don’t know what that means, so I had to read it over and over to be sure that it didn’t say “porno irony.” Do you read Mary Worth for the porno irony? I bet some people do…

  3. C. Sandy Cyst
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Ziggy hasn’t cared about anything since Harry Nilsson was singing his theme song.

  4. Irrischano
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    I like to think Wilbur’s apprehension to swim for it comes from a deep fear of paying to get that suit cleaned.

  5. Windier E. Megatons
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    You know, the Keane kids are literally just sitting on the back stoop with nothing apparently going on around them. Couldn’t they just go back inside? Maybe Bil and Thel have locked them out of the house until they’ve experienced a certain amount of misery, as payback for all the annoyance they’ve caused over the years.

  6. nescio
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    FC: Does anyone, anywhere, actually say “‘skeetos” instead of “skeeters”? ‘Skeetos sounds like a snack chip. Warning: contains insects and possibly human blood.

  7. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: The new version of the Special K pinch. If you can’t find your seat belt…

  8. Dennis Jimenez
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    MW – Damn – I missed the strip where Wilbur sketches Dawn nekid – I mean Dawn was nude – oh, who and I kidding, they both were….

    Ziggy – You can’t rely on a mouse, Ziggy – I saw one squander a perfectly good footlong, just yesterday….

    FC – This has to be Armygeton – tormented mongoloids – black sky, but burning yellow sun – I’m skeert, Bil….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  9. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Wilbur is not a skinny man and fat is well known to float, especially if not weighted down by wet felt blazers. Which is to say that Wilbur could save himself and swim 100 meters if he stripped naked. Will he sacrifice himself to spare us the horror? Or will the MW writers mercy kill their readership instead?

  10. Dennis Jimenez
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#6): Great idea – insect flavored snack chips – and they’re healthy for you, cuz their baked, not fried – and you’ll lose weight cuz they’re made with Olestra, so they’ll give you the sheetos….

  11. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    JP: If those two are looking forward to some time with just the two of them, the trout won’t be the only creatures experiencing an “evening rise.”

    MW: Today’s strip, with Wilbur and Dawn clinging desperately to the pole and the background characters carrying on casual conversations as if nothing’s happening, reminds me of the classic Star Trek, in which a collision would send folks flying in totally random and unrelated directions.

    A3G: Has anybody ever walked up to a person, stood 4 inches away, looked him in the eye, and asked, “Hello, (Name)?”? Oh, never mind—the male characters look so much alike in this strip that Tommie probably did have to verify Rick’s identity.

    FC: “I sure wish Mommy and Daddy didn’t lock us outside while they watch the Triple X ‘Lympics!”

  12. pugfuggly
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    MW “Jeez Dad….I was really hoping to use your corpse as a flotation device….”

    Ziggy “What I’m saying is that if some ‘unfortunate accident’ were to befall your cat, I certainly wouldn’t raise any questions. The only problem we’d have is shutting up that bird…”

    FC These must be the same kind of kids who sit outside their house in a rainstorm, wondering out loud if there were some way they could keep dry.

    A3G I love that Tommie wanders into the studio and come face-to-face with Rick before deciding that he might be busy. No worries, Tommie, those 1960s NORAD engineers can just take 5.

    MT Hmmm…If it’s ‘pink sky at night, sailor’s delight’, then there must be a tanker full of seamen orgasming in unison just over the horizon.

  13. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    FW: Dead Lisa. Why am I not surprised? It’s always about Dead Fucking Lisa. If I could take a week off work, I’d fly to Africa and climb Mt. Kilimanjaro just to piss in that box..

  14. Ed Dravecky
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    In today’s Pibgorn, Drusilla zaps a demon with her mighty electric crotch. I often go weeks without reading this strip but images like this are why it haunts my every waking moment.

  15. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#2): “Post-modern” (It’s an unfortunate by-product of my work in academia that I recognized that shorthand right away.)

  16. pugfuggly
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#13):

    …and what’s great about that is that with the terrific cell-phone coverage up there, you could send a real-time video to Les!

  17. Ed Dravecky
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    B.C. bravely decries the Greek financial crisis through muddled Olympic allegory. So much better than when Fred Basset explained credit default swaps or Slylock Fox took on the Arab Spring.

  18. Snarkotix Addict
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    MW No, please, it can’t be the end of Wilbur! What would Mary Worth be without Wilbur? Among the cast of Worthians, I vote to kill off Dr. Jeff. He’s really just a eunuch, a pale, inconsequential nonentity. Does he even live at Charterstone? I bet he only orders the cheapest meal on the Bum Boat menu (but never a sandwich). Take Dr. Jeff! Give us Wilbur!

    A3G Groan.

    BG&SS I didn’t see Loweezy and Snuffy winking, but I did see far too much tongue lolling.

  19. smacky
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    RMMD:

    Late to the party (haha) here, but the doctor who treated the alcoholic for liver issues brought on by his drinking is throwing a party for his patient–who fell to his death while drunk–at the drunk’s favorite bar.

    I guess this man’s death isn’t going to be a teaching moment, huh?

  20. Ranger
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    MW: Too bad this isn’t the Titanic. Nothing would please me more than seeing a completely frozen Wilbur slowly sink to the bottom of the Atlantic while Dawn continues to spout off about life’s brutality.

  21. Nekrotzar
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Mark Twain wrote a satire of the Noah story, in which, shortly after departure, God sends Noah back to collect a few hundred extra mosquitoes, because He wants to be sure there is an adequate supply in the post-flood world. I’m sure Twain will be happy to show Billy around the place in a few years when Billy is cast into the Inferno.

    (There’s also a spot for whoever invented the term pomo.)

  22. Wally Winkerbean
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    With apologies to Ogden Edsl,

    Dead Lisas aren’t much fun.

  23. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I finally know what I want. I want more of these happy drugs that are making my eyes go all googly!”

  24. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    As much as I admire Bill Griffith, I honestly can’t see why he, himself, likes Ernie Bushmiller. “Nancy plus Sluggo equal perfection”? I’m pretty sure, at this point, he doesn’t mean that ironically.

  25. Shermy Glamrocker
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    As someone who used to work for a company that inspected inflatable life rafts, I am appalled at this cruise line’s lack of adherence to SOLAS (Safety Of Life at Sea) international law, instituted after the Titanic. Why are they not wearing lifejackets? Why are there no crewmembers bringing order to the evacuation? Why don’t they just go to the other side of the ship and get on one of those lifeboats. Why is the sea not bobbing with inflated liferafts, one of which Wilbur could easily dogpaddle to ESPECIALLY IF HE’S WEARING A LIFEJACKET? Why am I ranting against a mythical cruise ship that in real life would never have been allowed to leave port and would have been shut down and fined heavily?

  26. sporknpork
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Since Family Circus has the tendency to reuse artwork, everyone should look forward to this panel in 2016 with the caption, “You got served, ol’ school!”

  27. Esther Blodgett
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#6): I did say “skeetos” when I was little. I have that in common with Billy. Suddenly my childhood seems sad and mildly distasteful.

  28. Snowshoecat
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    ‘kay. Kitten makes it through TSA. Fine. But cell reception? I can’t get that half a mile out of the city.

  29. Esther Blodgett
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pluggers have to get their jollies where they can find them.

    JP: After two weeks of man-on-Sam foreplay, is anyone surprised they didn’t eat the fish?

    FW: Add cell phone coverage to the list of things of which Tom Batiuk has no working knowledge.

  30. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Lio: freakin’ WIN! *applaz*

    PBS: Pastis is off Mallett’s X-mas card list again.

    SBp: eww.

    JP: ruh-rhoh!

    Bizarro: I know a joke about a shrink and Saran wrap, but that’s not it.

    MG&G: this arc better feature corgis. or we will be much vexed.

    RwO: one for the Didactic Duo!

    6Cx: one for bats :[!

  31. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . sexting. again.

  32. Dennis Jimenez
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @Ranger (#20): I’m good with it, but only if there are no strings attached, cuz I’m not gonna listen to that damned Celine Dion song for another decade again for anything….

  33. Big Bad Dave
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Wilbur and Dawn should take their cues from the Purple Men acrobatics team in panel one. Just dive in, folks

  34. Motown
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    While at first glance, the cat might be appear to be the “middleman” in this scenario, I’m fairly certain that the mouse is actually encouraging Ziggy to commit suicide.

  35. Pozzo
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Better watch out, Billy – the Keane compound’s all-seeing eye is watching you there in the upper right of the panel.

  36. Braniff
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Shermy Glamrocker (#25): As I understand it, hardly any safety regulations were in place when the S S Minnow encountered its rough weather (although I believe all the passengers and crew survived).

  37. Dood
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Dunno about Dawn’s swimming ability (Is Wilbur recalling her success as a seven-year-old member of the Charterstone Chums?) but both Westons seem to be working that pole pretty well.

  38. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Guys, if you’re looking at a long swim to shore, you may at the very least want to remove your shoes and suit jacket. Just sayin’.

  39. TheDiva
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MW: Come on, Wilbur! Who says you have to swim? You’ve got your own built in lifejacket–you can float until rescue arrives!

    Ziggy: I’ve never owned a working cat, but shouldn’t a mouser be catching its own food?

  40. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @Windier E. Megatons (#5): I was wondering what the Keene kids were doing out back, and I could only think that they wanted some time alone for some bro-sis kiss-kiss. Or, Thel & Bil cast them out into the night for a minor biblical infraction like eating shellfish or something.

  41. Mibbitmaker
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#1): Overweight, have problem like that (in back seat, usually when not alone back there) sometimes. But the way they put it — like it’s actually burried in the stomache itself — is false and demeaning.

    9CL: This is Brooke’s version of Near-Miss-o-palooza: Death by a thousand cuts (Batiuk went for a single, summer-long blitz)

    Crank: …that’s amo-o-o-o-ore-e-e-e…!

    FW: He finally did it! After weeks of making the place less appealing with the whining climbers, Batty has finally, in one stroke, destroyed Kilimanjaro for everyone! With any luck, mountain goats, or whatever animal life resides there, will eat that damned picture.

    JP: Privilege — all that matters.

    MT: Cherry… you’re loud when you’re expressionless (unseen here).

    Popeye: SOMEONE NOTICED!!! (though, to be fair, it’s really been more of an animated cartoon thing)

    FC: The “joke” is blah and stupid — but the visuals are funny as hell!

    *******************

    Last I checked, Comic Fury seems to be down. I haven’t even downloaded PCK yet. I’ll post as soon as things get back to normal.

  42. Hibbleton
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MW: Now we know why that ship hit the rocks. That mast is way too small for a cruise ship.

  43. geekwhisperer
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    MW Don’t you people get it? Wilbur HAS to die. Once Mary absorbed “Ask Wendy” into the Greater Meddlehamian Empire, if he were to return alive from traveling abroad she would have to relinquish it back to him, stating: “I am not as good at this type of medding as you, mortal.” That cannot occur.

    Think of how his death has been arranged by the Worthian gods: On a cruise ship of badly dressed people, in the middle of dinner, the ship has hit an undefined “something” and people now frolic into the sea, completely unaware of the concept of the “life vest” or even “floating deck chair cushion one could bob on for half an hour until the Italian Coast Guard or a passing fishing boat comes along”.

    The Worthian Titans, sitting upon their thrones in the halls of Charterhallah, can allow no less for Wilbur, but he cannot be allowed to live now that he has chosen to mingle with the will of a deity.

    It was either this or be chained to a rock and have an eagle come by once every day for all of eternity and eat a perfect roast pork with provolone just out of reach. Wilbur is getting off easy.

  44. Mibbitmaker
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#41): Just checked — we’re back!

    I’ll upload and be back uno momento…

  45. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m disappointed in Wilbur. We make fun of him all the time here, but he’s not that out-of-shape. We saw him a couple of weeks ago in swim trunks. Remember? He was admiring the blue of the sea, which reminded Dawn that blue was Dave’s favorite color. He looked healthy enough. He was stout, certainly, but not flabby, with powerful arms and shoulders from lifting all those mayonnaise jars and hero sandwiches. Pyknic is the term. No plugger, he would never “occasionally lose his seatbelt in his midriff.”

    And he yet he is terrified of swimming, or clinging to some flotsam and paddling, one hundred yards? Minced oath!

    // And when I say minced oath, I mean it!

  46. Cloudbuster
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Luann: Was I reading a different strip? Because I thought Tiffany spent her vacation doing gofer work on the set, running her butt off for a chance at a tiny bit part. Isn’t that how you start “earning it?” But, no, we cannot give Tiffany credit for anything, because she snubbed Evans back in high school.

    FW: Cause there’s never a plot line that won’t benefit from stuffing Dead St. Lisa into it, amirite? No. I am not rite.

    MW: It’s the Mediterranean in the summer, not the arctic. You don’t have to be much of a swimmer to make it 100 yards. It’s not a race. All he has to do is float along on his ample blubber, paddling lightly. Doesn’t matter if it takes him an hour to go 100 yards. Actually, that’s a mistake a lot of novice swimmers really do make, I suppose: rushing, panicking and wearing themselves out. You think of the 100 yard swim as a relaxing stroll, not an olympic dash.

    RMMD: Yeah, Rex! Fuck that Hippocratic Oath!

  47. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    MW: The Wilbs can’t swim 100 yards if his life literally depended on it? He can’t grab on to a piece of flotsam and drift in? With a pool back at Chatterstone, and 150lbs of padding, he never learned to back float? Or, does your inordinate sense of decency prevent you from taking off your dinner jacket and revealing your sweaty armpits, even at peril of your life? How about losing your tie at least?

  48. Dood
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I don’t know if the comics-reading world is ready for Wilbur to release his Kraken.

  49. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    meanwhile, next door to bb,u.

    if Sequitur was in Pluggers.

    for bats :[.

    meanwhile, in Japan.

    more of Baka Gaijin’s childhood photos. (srsly nsfbg)

    Pastis hits Very Demotivational.

    Shulky cosplay, doin’ it RITE!

    is that a fish in your pocket, or are you just otterly glad to see me?

    Corgifornia dreamin’.

  50. seismic-2
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    FW: Please tell me that Les is leaving a message on Cayla’s answering machine, and that Cayla has in fact wised up and left town forever. If not, then please at least tell me that that have yeti in the mountains in Africa.

    DT: When did Peter Lorre join the police force?

    Luann: Evans posted an apology on his blog, admitting that he has been off his game. However, for the second straight day he now seems to be explaining that his work is in fact really better than his critics claim. The non-romance between Luann and Quill is just the sort of thing one has to expect within the constraints of a family strip, and Tiffany hasn’t really been working hard at doing small bits in film to learn anything, she’s just been doing it with unrealistic expectations of being discovered and immediately becoming a big star purely on the basis of her glamor, because she is such a complete ditz and a hussy. I supposed tomorrow we will learn that Gunther is really the total dweeb that he seems, but instead he’s just painfully misunderstood. In other words, Evans hasn’t really been off his game in writing the strip, he’s just been off his game in making it readily apparent to us beefwits what he’s actually doing. Boy, is that a relief!!!

    FC: Another typical night of blood-letting and self-flagellation at the Keane Kompound. See, Evans, you can get away with a lot in a family strip!

  51. TheDiva
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    9CL: Yay, Amos is going to get punched out by a bouncer!

    C’shaft: I love the smell of Crankshaft failing in the morning. Smells like karma.

    FW: Okay, Batiuk, you’ve never actually been to Kilimanjaro (or any mountain) before, have you?

    Luann: “Oh Crystal, you’re so funny! Telling me to do things I’ve already been doing in an attempt to convince the audience that I’m the unrealistic, overprivileged one instead of Luann!”

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “I have a character who shoots lightning from her lady-parts. I have serious, serious issues.”

    Pluggers probably shouldn’t drive at all, given the vast array of health problems their morbid obesity leads to.

    SM: And the regular police arrest Clown-9 while he’s waiting. Just another day’s work for Spider-Man!

  52. moucheur
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Uh, hey Wilbur, it’s awfully hard to drown if your body doesn’t sink. Just close your eyes and think of sandwiches.

  53. Comcis Fan
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Be the float, Wilbur. Be the float.

  54. TheDiva
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#46): re: Luann: It’s called retconning. Desperate, desperate retconning.

  55. pastordan
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#24): Leave it alone, Nehemiah. It’s pomo irony.

  56. UncleJeff
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Today, we find Wilbur and Dawn in the strip club inside the Costa Catasropha where the Olympic freestyle finals are on the tube and Dawn is working the pole because Wilbur’s credit card was rejected after the boat left the dock.

    smacky@19: a couple of years ago, I entered a bar where a benefit for a woman suffering from lung and throat cancer was just wrapping up. The honoree, her husband and three of their friends were parked at the bar..all smoking cigarettes.

  57. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @smacky (#19): His treatment worked on hot Iris. Rex: Want a drink?
    Iris: No thanks, I’m laying off that stuff.
    Rex: Are you sure?
    Iris: Yeah, I’m sure.
    June: Just one drink, Iris.
    Iris: Uh… no?

    So maybe the scene in the bar is
    Bartender: Tonight, drinks compliments of FOSTER!
    Drunks: Uh, barkeep, didn’t he just die drunk and in debt?
    Bartender: Free drinks, fellas!
    Drunks: Good night. See ya around. Ha ha! I almost had ya fooled! Line ‘em up! I’m gonna wind up in a pool of my own bile, spit and piss and not even care!

  58. pastordan
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Billy, te absolvo, in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spirit?s Sancti. Dolly, I’m afraid you’re screwed. Oh, well.

  59. Dono
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail gives us the movie poster for the sequel to “Rochelle, Rochelle.”

  60. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MW: The shore is 100 yards away! But I’ll never make it. This is Italy. Everything is in metric and they’ll make me swim farther!

  61. Moebius
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    …..and with dawning horror, Billy realizes that if god invented “skeetos” god also invented malaria, dengue and all sorts of insect-borne diseases. He then sits on the steps, mouth agape for days…

  62. Old School Allie Cat
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MW – I don’t want to deal in stereotypes, but in addition to being jolly, fat people are generally pretty buoyant. Just saying, Wilbs.

    Doonesbury – I think there’s room for What Up, Alex? on the funnies page. In lieu of Luann, for starters.

    9 Dickweed Lame – There was a photo in the Atlanta paper at Christmas where two dancers got engaged during The Nutcracker –

    http://alt.coxnewsweb.com/cnishared/tools/shared/mediahub/00/23/00/slideshow_1002302324_122211nutcrackerproposal_CC1.JPG

    At first, I thought it was guy on one knee proposing to guy in purple tights. He actually looks more excited than the intended recipient – girl in tutu.

  63. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Hagar – Without the dialog, it becomes a diagram of how porcupines conceive.

  64. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Heart – Actually, they’re just practicing the lyrics to the Beatles’ “Help.”
    Why? you ask. I’ll let ‘them’ explain:
    “I…..’m
    Sing-in’ in the drain!
    Just sing-in’ in the drain!
    What a glo-rious feelin’!
    I’m hap-py again!”

  65. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Mark – “There’s a maniac in that cabin! And he hates rust!”

  66. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke – “He’s the Jim Jones of the dog world.”

  67. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    R=R – Rose understands birdspeak. She’s a birdbrain.

  68. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    A3G:
    Rick: Take five, guys!
    Tommie: I finally know what I want. I want to take five guys.

    “All at once?”

  69. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Les of the Jungle Patrol (#9): Actually, I believe that if Wilbur jumps into the water, the overloaded cruise ship will be light enough to bob up about four feet, so that the hole will be above the water line, and everybody will be fine.

    @Ed Dravecky (#14): What I’d like to know about Pibgorn (and “thanks” for causing me to look at it) is why Mc is using the word “provenances” in a sense that the definition clearly does not support. He seems to think it means “protective garments or accessories,” rather than places of origin.

  70. agony
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#6): \
    Um, yeah. The word is “mosquito”, so the short form is “skeeto”. Where does the “er” come from? I’ve never heard an actual living human say “skeeter” in my life – I thought it was like “fellers”, another word that nobody really pronounces that way. Or… you don’t, do you?

    OK, so wait a minute – the residents of Hootin’ Holler really aren’t saying “Hooting Hollow”? The baby really is named Tater and not Potato? I think I need to make myself a cup of tea and go lie down on the chesterfield.

  71. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#69): There’s no need to be so tentative about it. That should be stated as a fact!

    If Wilbur jumps into the water, the overloaded cruise ship will be light enough to bob up about four feet, so that the hole will be above the water line, and everybody will be fine.

    Like that. Confidently.

  72. Mibbitmaker
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is finally up!

    PCK meets BTR — sort-of. They’re watching them on TV….

    And, like I said in the Author’s Notes, I’d like the episode the kids are watching to begin like this.

  73. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Snuffy: Didja ever wonder what kind of desperate, late-nite hideous copulation produced the abnormally grotesque offspring named “Tater”? Didja ever wonder if you can un-wonder about these things now?

  74. Powers
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: it appears that Tom II has again forgotten that Sid (Ziggy’s cat) is female.

  75. Shrug
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    JP: “Don’t know, don’t care.” A common opinion as applied to JUDGE PARKER, but a bit of a surprise to see one of its own characters fessing up to it.

  76. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    FC: God didn’t invent Skeetos. I believe that is a Frito-Lay product involving some kind of fried, puffed-out insect matter, flavored with three delicious varieties of artificial powdered cheese flavoring. Look for it in your local snack isle.

  77. pastordan
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t “the Mayan way” involve horrific bloodshed?

    Archie: WHY WASN’T THIS PULLED AFTER AURORA? WHY WON’T ANYONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

    9 Chickweed Lane: Ooh, maybe a beatdown is on the way! A delicious, delicious beatdown…

    Luann: Tiffany is bad because Greg says she’s bad, so there!

    Mark Trail: You’re wise to stay hidden, Rusty. Cherry and Doc look hungry, and not for rainbow trout.

    Mary Worth: that is the most hilarious and misplaced flop-sweat I’ve seen since Nixon lost to Kennedy in ’60.

    Slylock Fox: …Because Weirdly has $5 in his pocket?

    Snuffy Smith: Squick.

    The Heart of Juliet Jones: Jeez, Juliet. I understand you’re upset and all, but how’s breaking the plates going to help anything?

    Zippy the Pinhead: Bushmiller is the antidote to manga and Batman. Herriman works too. Also, those pinheads sure resemble mudges in their consumption of comix…

  78. Charterstoned
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    MW – Whoa! Haven’t had a chance to read this strip in a while, and then this morning I see Dawn doing an apparent pole dance in front of her father. [Insert shudder here.] You can imagine my relief to learn that she’s only clinging to a sinking ship. Whew!

  79. Mibbitmaker
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    FW: I hope Les gets a fine for pollution!

  80. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Luann: So Greg Evans has absolutely no self-awareness. Unbelievable.

  81. Longhorn
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Is it wrong to hope that when Wilbur hits the water, we have a sudden crossover from Sherman’s Lagoon?

  82. Kevin
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    MW: Aldomania 2006? Make way for Wilburmania 2012!

  83. Longhorn
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    “Wilbur! You can do it! Those are the Sandwich Islands!

  84. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    RMMD: You ask your patient what is wrong, and she says it is none of your business. In fact, determination between ailments for which you come immediately versus schedule an appointment for later today or tomorrow IS EXACTLY HER BUSINESS.

    Even when the trouble involves her hoo-hoo.

  85. KreatureFeatures
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: The way it works, Mr. Pluggers Author, is that you find some quirky thing that actually happens to a small subset of people, and you point it out in a humorous way. It can’t have already been done to death (Pluggers can’t program their VCRs and they always blink 12:00) but neither can it be so obscure that no one can relate (Pluggers don’t know if they’re wearing lap and shoulder belts even though this type of belt has been around for fifty years, and all they have to do is touch their lap belt with their hand to see if it’s installed, and not ask their horrific monster of a chicken lady wife who can only cluck anyway). Here’s a suggested alternate punchline for today’s Pluggers: “You’re a Plugger if you have to ask your horrific chicken-lady monster of a wife if your flea collar is on, but invisibly buried in the folds of your grotesquely many-chinned half-dog half-human neck.” And then all your half-human half-dog readers will knowingly chuckle to themselves before they give a morning boink to their chicken-lady wives in their nightmarish barnyard.

  86. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#69): He seems to think it means “protective garments or accessories,” rather than places of origin.

    You are misreading McE. He does mean “origin” or “source”. That is, the gloves, which are the origin of the plasma bolts. Silly, but not incorrect.

  87. Marc
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Funky- Today’s cell phone reception on the top of Mount Kilimanjaro is brought to you by Dead Lisa, the death kitty, and the letter F.

    Luann- Gee, if I didn’t know any better I would have thought that those are exactly the things that Tiffany did. Here’s a radical idea Crystal; stop putting on makeup for a second, drop the miserable bitch act, and loosen your dog collar because it’s clearly giving you brain damage.

    Mary Worth- Heartbreaking decisions, lack of safety regulations, it’s not a hard swim at all, blah blah blah. Wilbur knows that when everyone fled the ship’s restaurant, they all abandoned their meals. Now that is a free buffet he just can’t pass up. Wilbur knows there is still plenty of time until the ship sinks, and he figures by that point he’ll either float to shore on a corpse or relunctantly make the swim. He just can’t pass up all that unattended food.

    Mark Trail- Cherry isn’t actually concerned about Rusty, she just wants to make sure that he’s really gone so she can pack up her belongings and get the hell out of the Lost Forest for good, never to see her neglectful husband or that mutant free loader again.

    A3G- Tommie finally knows what she wants. A decent haircut would be a good place to start.

    Family Circus- I sure hope those skeetos are carrying the West Nile Virus.

    9CL- Oh boy, here comes an impassioned speech from the dweeby monkey face about how the love of his life is in there and he must (insert big words never spoken by a human being before here) and propose to her so they can (insert more ridiculous words).

  88. DAS
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    I know that the blog post itself probably doesn’t count as a comment of the week, but I’ll nominate this

    while I love the Wilbs (so much so that I’ve given him a secret mental nickname, “the Wilbs”), my affection for everything Mary Worth is so far down a weird hole of pomo irony that I can’t guarantee that it’s a reflection of emotions held by normal humans.

    anyway. It sure deserves it! And if not that, then

    Don’t despair, Wilbur, you can do it! 100 yards is really not that far to swim! The Mediterranean is warm and pleasant this time of year! There are so many delicious panini on that island! HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF!

    certainly does.

  89. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

  90. curlyfries
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Shermy Glamrocker (#25): Unfortunately, cruise ships that are ill-equipped, with poorly-trained crews, leave port every day – unlike the airlines, there is no regulatory agency like the FAA or JAA to demand compliance, or fine and “shut down” a cruise line for not adhering to SOLAS.

    For me, the most outrageous flaw was the captain (a dead ringer for the Titanic’s Capt. Smith) apparently piloting the ship by purely visual means rather than using radar, sonar or any of those silly systems that clutter up the bridge and are actually designed to prevent the ship from hitting stuff.

    But as for the unhelpful crew, most aren’t well trained to deal with emergencies and may not even speak your language, so to depend on them to organize everyone is unrealistic. So unless you know Italian and can figure out where the inflatables are and how to deploy them, you won’t see rafts. If the ship has a severe list, you won’t be able to lower the lifeboats on that side, which often happens in a collision situation like this. Lifejackets are in one’s cabin, so if you can’t get to yours either because the lights are out (backup generators often fail) or the list is too severe, then you won’t have one unless you can find a spare on the deck you happen to be on.

    In spite of that, this is still the most moronic plotline I’ve been subjected to (outside of the A3G home birth debacle), and I keep hoping both the Westons find a permanent home at the bottom of the Med just to prove how brutal life really is. Unfortunately, I figure Dawn will have to live in order to mopily attest that while Wilbur didn’t exactly think life was brutal, unless it involved opening a jar of mayo to augment it, he still couldn’t be bothered to bust a move and try to dog paddle for shore.

  91. LP2004
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MW: “… among those presumed dead in the sinking was Wilbur Weston, of Santa Royale.

    In business news, the Hellmann’s Company filed for bankruptcy today…”

  92. Mibbitmaker
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#69):
    BUSTED, Brookie McE! Busted, Mr. I’m-O-So-Intellectual-Because-I-Use-BIG-Words! Hate to tell you, McEldowney, but I believe your worn-out thesaurus is playing a trick on you! Nyeh-nyeh!

  93. LogopolisMike
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    If, by the time this storyline has ended, somebody hasn’t created a Dawn/Wilbur video to Celine Dion’s Titantic-theme “My Heart Will Go On”, I will consider the Internet a failure.

  94. Voshkod
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Last night, Wilbur went to bed and dreamt of eating a thousand sandwiches. And this morning, all the life preservers were gone!

  95. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Plugger Chicken Lady is staring as if she just had an epiphany. Her husband is old, vastly overweight, and prone to a menagerie of serious health issues. The car he drives is 30 years old, rusting, and on the verge of leaving them stranded roadside. Since he’s too cheap or backwards to spring for a cell phone, they’ll have to wait for a passing stranger to help them out. In her own small town, she can count on knowing that stranger’s aunt, cousin and four bastard children, but out there, beyond her small enclave of comfort, where there are other pluggers just like her, is the Big World. In the Big World, there are people who prey on pluggers, and she’ll end up as a tenderloin on a skewer. She sighs, resolves to help her obnoxiously fat spouse navigate the disgusting layers of flab, permeated with old, crusty bits of food as if it were the underside of a cushion on a couch. “Yes, dear, here is the seatbelt.”

    Well, that’s what that look revealed to me.

  96. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @agony (#70): they are called “skeeters” round these parts of the Upper Midwest.

    also, there’s a certain song involving them using that term. [*]

  97. Santa Royale With Cheese
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    JP: “Don’t know, don’t care, we have the place to ourselves.” – The official motto of climate change deniers everywhere, eventually.

    S-M: I second the comment that was probably left by Liam at the Seattle PI site… “did the cops give up?” I mean, C-9 is *right there*, you guys. Sheesh.

    FC: Spoiler alert: God also invented malaria.

  98. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#92): No. Sorry.

    Muffaroo was mistaken:

    Definition of PROVENANCE

    1. origin, source
    2. the history of ownership of a valued object or work of art or literature

    Merriam-Webster

    The gloves were the “origin” or “source” of the plasma. Definition 2 is a bit more common today, but not incorrect.

  99. Hart of Johnny
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    God created ‘skeetos. Billy and Dolly are killing ‘skeetos. Ergo, Billy and Dolly are killing God.

  100. Little Guy
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#50), Luann: Evans’ Blog, tl,dr version: “Dammit, you idiots, HATE HER!!

  101. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#98): Definition 2 is a bit more common today, but not incorrect.

    No, sorry, what I meant to say was that McEl was using the word correctly. No way around it.

  102. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MW: Stay on the boat for certain death, or swim for a chance at survival. What is there to debate, really?

  103. Dood
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: If you “occasionally lose your seatbelt in your midriff,” you’ve been to way too many plugger chicken lady funeral barbecues.

  104. Mibbitmaker
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#86) (and me at #92): I swear, Brooke McEldowney, if you read this (yeah, right) and go “busted!” in my direction, so help me I’ll draw Burber heads on pikes in front of the PCK clubhouse as some kind of satirical trespass warning!

    I’ve parodied before.

  105. NoahSnark
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Wilbur smiles at Dawn. He whispers “I love you sweetie” and pushes her away. As the waves crash over his body he closes his eyes and smiles, content that the final act in his life was done out of love.

    Then he opens his eyes and realizes fat floats.

  106. Gringo
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    The question now is whether Mary Worth actually intends to kill off the elder Weston

    Come now. Wilbur will be saved when he puts a death grip on a super-sized tub of mayo that comes floating past from the ship’s galley. It’s like Titanic, only he’s saved by Heart Attack of the Ocean.

  107. Gringo
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#6): Skeetos are available in the finest vendos across the land.

  108. Dennis Jimenez
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Longhorn (#83): Well Played! A Subway® on every corner, the streets are paved with pepper jack and the rivers flow with special sauce….

  109. Dood
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Come on, Wilbur, you’re a floater, not a sinker.

  110. Quijotesca
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    There’s actually a proverb to the effect of, “What you have to give to the rat, give to the cat, and sever yourself the trouble.” So Ziggy’s just appropriating that. I wonder what we should feed Ziggy too?

  111. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#98): Mc has made a stab at the lightning and emerged from a pile of wreckage clutching a dead lightning bug, and expects us to congratulate him for being so clever. The word may, with a protean stretch, be not entirely incorrect, but it’s so far from apt that I’d need a thesaurus myself to name the act of using it.

  112. Anonymous
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    I regularly head for Google to find out the meanings of the new terms I encounter in this blog. But all I could find for “pomo” was “a group of Native American peoples inhabiting an area of the Coast Ranges of northern California.” So I am stumped. As we codgers say.

  113. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#112): Sorry, that was me. My computer is acting codgery also.

  114. Lenoxus
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    I can’t help but see Billy and Dolly as performing synchronized angry dance moves, and as such this is easily the funniest image in the comics today.

    Yes, the Lord God made all things dull and ugly.

    Meanwhile, what exactly is the mouse suggesting? Who or what is the middleman in the scenario? So confused.

  115. btown
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    my caption for Family Circus:

    “aw rats, Leviticus says we’re only unclean until the evening, but it’s already night time! Hopefully this self-flagellation will convince Mommy of our penitence and she’ll let us back inside!”

  116. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#111): “not entirely incorrect” ??

    Sorry. Definition #1 in any dictionary you care to look at counts as “entirely correct”. It wasn’t even a stretch.

    McEldowney 15, Muffaroo, love.

    // You got it wrong, man. Move on.

  117. Gringo
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Longhorn (#83): COTW already!

  118. Dennis Jimenez
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#112): I think it’s an event in the triple X Olympiad – it’s like teabagging, but they do it with old coffee grounds….

  119. Gringo
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#87): Funky- Today’s cell phone reception on the top of Mount Kilimanjaro is brought to you by Dead Lisa, the death kitty, and the letters F-U.

    I believe this is more in line with Batty’s thinking.

  120. Jim North
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Take five, guys,” says Rick. “Who the hell are you and what are you doing in here?” says the guys.

    FW: Sadly, though she managed to make it all the way to the top, Lisa’s Ghost did not survive the trip back down the mountain.

    GT: Careful, Molly warns. Clubbing people in the head is addicting. Take it from someone who knows.

    MW: “Jesus Christ, what is with these people?” the lady in the background of panel two ponders to herself. “The ship stopped sinking like half an hour ago!”

    @Poteet (#112): “pomo” = “post-modern”

    Not that I knew this beforehand or anything . . . I had to hit up Google myself.

  121. Ian Beste
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#112): “Pomo,” also “po-mo,” a contraction for the annoying fits-everything academic phrase “post-modern.”

  122. AndyL
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    This is probably the most convoluted way possible for the writers to make Mary Worth into an advice columnist.

  123. casino LF
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MW: No offense to any non-swimmers, but if you can’t swim 100 yards, you maybe should think twice about ever getting on a boat.

    FW: DEAD LISA TWO DAYS IN A ROW NOOOO JUST STOP IT

    @smacky (#19): re: RMMD yup, exactly what I was thinking.

    9CL: Beat ‘im up, beat ‘im up, rah rah rah! Goooooooo Bouncer!

  124. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    ZIGGY — Why just kill and eat a mouse when you can play with it for a long, long time before doing it in and/or carry it to a more interesting part of the house and release it for future entertainment? That’s the feline philosophy around here. But I’ve never seen one of those traditional mouseholes.

  125. Ian Beste
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn Don’t read this myself, as I can barely stand 9cl but I do like McE’s style of sinous female figures. I wonder if he has ever considered just doing a straight porn webcomic? No pressure on fans to read any of the dialog, because, really, when you have naked folks getting to it, who cares?

  126. Calico
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    “Skeetos” sounds a horrible Skittles/Cheetos hybrid “food.”

  127. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Oh. P-O-M-O. I was getting really confused.

    Post Modern. I get it now.

    I was reading it as P-O-R-N-O, pomo, porno. Damn kerning.

    PORNO irony is an interesting topic, though.

  128. bup
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    a HUNDRED YARDS? You better mean YARDS in the sense of “Santa Royale well-manicured lawns,” teh Wilbs, or I’ll kill you myself. How do you even submerge a luxury liner 100 yards from shore?

  129. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#120): @Ian Beste (#121): Thank you! Educated again.

  130. Calico
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#94):
    The face that launched a thousand sandwiches
    Is sinking fast, that happens, you know

    Sail away, away
    Wilbur never comes back
    He’s gone to the other side
    Look into the (mayo) jar
    Wilbur never comes back
    Ah ha, la la la la

  131. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

  132. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    So this post-modernist walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, is this the pomo place?
    And the bartender says, sorry buddy, the dirty bookstore is across the street.

    // But he said it unironically.

  133. AlanofOdenton
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m sure this has been noted, but do the artists not know how to draw a life preserver. They seem to be prevalent on all sorts of water craft. Of course, it would spoil the drama of the story and prevent us from being on the edge of our seats as we anxiously await tomorrow’s (I mean September’s) thrilling conclusion.

  134. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

  135. flatsixes
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    MT: I am somewhat befuddled by today’s brief homes-style interlude in the otherwise shocking Saga of the Sheep Killers. At first glance I thought that perhaps Cherry had dyed her hair a particularly unappealing shade of, um, orange? But then I realized that, as her waist appears to have shrunk to about 11 inches, her hair color results from the effects of severe malnutrition. It may be that no one at the Trail compound has eaten since Mark left some 10 weeks ago to solve the mystery of the Murder of Al Chavez!

    At least Doc seems to still be in complete control of his faculties. Asked if he’s seen Rusty, Doc immediately grasps the situation and exclaims “No.. He’s probably outside!” After all, as they live in a 40,000 square foot log cabin, one might be tempted to see if Rusty in one of the media rooms watching bondage movies, or perhaps downstairs skateboarding the bowling alley. But Doc instantly deduces that when it comes to being missing, Rusty’s missing “outside.” Perhaps Cherry should call up to the tower that looms over the exercise yard at Lost Forest in panel two and ask the guard whether Rusty has made another escape attempt?

  136. lorne
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    And then, as a consequence of a disastrous rodent/human negotiation, Ziggy ate the mouse.

  137. flatsixes
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Damn bold face.

  138. Calico
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Charterstoned (#78):
    “Dave always loved it when I pole-danced for him.”
    Imagine that being the last thing you every see. That, or Octomom taking it off. Gaaaah.

  139. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    MW — So many outstanding Wilbur comments that I’ve been laughing like a drain. If ever there was a week for a Special Wilbur COTW List, this is it.

    I hope Wilbur will live because someone in the comics world has to carry the proud standard of the unabashed combover, and Wilbur’s is the best I’ve ever seen. Plus he deserves better than to die in that suit.

  140. Mary Worthless
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Two things:

    A) 100 yards is 300 feet. Assuming the island in question has a bit of a beach, you wouldn’t have to even go the full 300 until you were able to stand. Unless of course there is a shear cliff so there would be no point of trying for the island.

    And

    2) Why was the ship that close to the island? Even Captain Schettino knew that there was land near his boat when he went to wave hello to his pisans. Captain Smith was taken aback when they hit something. Unless of course the ships aground on a shore of this uncharted desert isle. . .

    I hope the Professor know how to make miracle whip out of coconuts and palm leaves.

  141. Dood
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: What Wilbur’s really thinking: “This is at least a 10-foot pole. Won’t somebody touch me?”

  142. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Longhorn (#83): …and Wilbur’s appearance on the beach would put Marvel’s Night Crawler to shame!

  143. Illustrator Steve
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    MT – So….THAT’S how it works. Little did we know it’s the EXTRA LARGE BOLD FONT that shrinks the gigantic Lost Forest animals back down to what their normal size should be! …Boy, that old Elrod sure is a genius!

  144. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @flatsixes (#137): No need to apologize. Your comment seemed so compelling, so important, so… bold!

  145. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#105): I believe that “Fat Floats” (with Rose Ann Barr, Totie Fields and Kathy Bates *), the sequel to “Hope Floats,” was permanently shelved when Ms. Barr appeared in an Eyez of Zeye costume.

    * I might’ve been in the movie, sharing similar qualifications with these women, if I had the acting chops of Tiffany.

  146. Calico
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @C. Sandy Cyst (#3):
    Which song would that be … ?
    “You’re breaking my heart
    You’re tearing it apart
    So fuck you”
    : D

  147. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#96): Yeah. And in my Upper Midwest experience, the term “skeeters” tends to be used when the discussers are in a reasonably jovial mood. When the bites start coming thick and fast, what I hear is less polite.

  148. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    FC: you know, we should all be lucky that Billy and Dolly are just beset upon by ‘skeetos. You really, really don’t want to watch them itchin’ when Billy says, “I sure wish God didn’t invent pinworms!”.

  149. btown
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Longhorn (#83): good one!

  150. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @bup (#128): I’ve been thinking about that. Places where the drop from the shore to the sea bottom steep enough to where a ocean going ship would actually sink beneath the water just a hundred yards out would be pretty rare. Maybe a fjord?

    // Anybody seen a Norwegian Blue there?

  151. Longhorn
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#125):

    Yeah, but do you have any idea how hard it is to incorporate “boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-boom” into a comic strip?

  152. Illustrator Steve
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    MT – Panel #2 would be a clear signal to most normal minded people that it’s time to change their printer’s color ink cartiridge!

  153. Stroker Ace
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    MW ~ In a perfect 7/31/12 world Wilbur would say: “I’m not really your dad… so hug my pole!”

  154. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Mary Worthless (#140): 100 yards is 300 feet.

    Of course it is. Does whatshername, Karen Moy, know that? Perhaps she is from some country where yards are not used – she may be confusing the unit with another obsolete traditional English measurement, the furlong. A furlong is 220 yards. A hundred furlongs would be about 20 kilometers or 12 miles. That would be a good swim. Pretty “fur long”, as Snuffy Smith might say.

  155. Callidus
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    MW: “Dawn, you don’t understand, my pockets are full of sandwiches! I’ll sink like a stone!”

  156. Illustrator Steve
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Mt – An old Lost Forest saying….
    “Red sky at night, Sailor’s delight.
    Red sky over Lost Forest, Rusty better take his sorry ass inside and eat his damn supper!”

  157. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    MW – like Ed Dravecky, I’m a fat guy, too. Based on what you all have to say about Wilbur, I am now extremely paranoid about what’s being said behind my back. I will also never take a cruise, because I can’t swim 100 yards. The rest of you shouldn’t have that problem because, last I heard, shit still floats.

    ASM – I absolutely LOVE that money bag with the big $ on it. Next time I go to the bank, I’m asking for one of them.

    9CL – Good to see that Uncle Fester got a job as a bouncer. And that he’s still wearing the eye makeup.

    Curtis – tomatoes, a dozen eggs, flour and four light bulbs? What sort of hellish pasta dish is for dinner? Run, Greg, run!

    GA – alright, clearly someone lost a bet and had to publish this storyline because we left absurd behind two weeks ago.

  158. Dartpaw86
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    The Keane kids will be severely beaten not only for opposing God but also because it looks to be 9 or 10 o’clock outside when we all know their bedtime is 3 in the afternoon.

  159. Illustrator Steve
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    MT – “DOC, It’s time to eat…have you seen Rusty?”
    “NO…he’s probably outside!”
    “Doc, WHAT are you putting in that funny looking pipe?”
    “NO…he’s probably outside!”
    “Doc, WHAT are you smoking in that pipe?”
    “No, he’s probably outside!”
    “DOC! WHAT is going on with you!?”
    “No, he’s probably outside!”
    “Doc, can I join you?”
    “No, he’s probably outside!”

  160. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe — I’ve lost track, but isn’t Molly a bit of jailbait for ol’ Steve?

  161. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#157): I caught some of an episode of the old Batman series on Saturday, with John Astin as the Riddler. What a classy fellow — the loot sack didn’t have anything as cliche’ as a dollar sign, but rather was clearly marked as “Loot Sack.”

  162. Dan
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    So if Wilbur dies, Mary gets his “Ask Wendy” column full time, and her meddling will have access to the power of the fourth estate.

    Now Wilbur’s boat is sinking for as-yet-unknown reasons, and we’re just… what, we’re just going to pretend like this doesn’t speak to motive?

  163. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#161): The Riddler probably thought he’d overdone the punctuation/signage deal with all of question marks all over his unitard. Best Riddler? Probably still Frank Gorshin. Yup, Edward Nigma. I might change my name to that.

  164. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#157): People are cruel, and it sucks. And Wilbur really isn’t all that fat.

    But do you really think you couldn’t swim a hundred yards? To save your life? Can you not swim at all? If you can swim, and you are fit enough to walk 100 yards, you can swim that distance too. Kidding aside, being fat actually helps.

    But If I couldn’t swim I wouldn’t be comfortable going on a cruise either.

  165. curlyfries
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#116): While Muffaroo misinterpreted its meaning, I will agree with him that the term is most clumsily employed, unless you’re so ridiculous self-important that you customarily refer to your parents as “provenances”. As it stands, it runs a close second to “dancing the mortise and tenon” in the McEldowney omphalocentric canon of self-congratulory, yet poorly-fitting-jackhammered-into-place, phrases.

    BTW, anyone have any idea how many days he’s going to wax rhapsodic about those fershlugginer gloves? Seriously, fucking magnets, how do they work?

  166. seismic-2
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#160): Steve is a Kent State U. graduate who has served at least one tour of duty in the Army after that, including time for post-surgery rehab in a military hospital. Molly is still in high school. I compute the age difference to be seven or eight years. In the Ohio State Penitentiary.

  167. Baka Gaijin
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#12) on Mark Trail: You’re channeling Dingo. Admit it.

    @Hogenmogen (#73): Loweezy asked Snuffy to check her seat belt and sorta got sucked in. He survived when his instinctual humping reflex kicked in and he undulated himself from among the waves of Weezy-flab.

    @Longhorn (#83): You win the thread.

    @KreatureFeatures (#85): I regret reading to the end of your comment. Laughing, of course, but regretting it.

  168. JuneBizzle
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#50): Wait…since when did Evans ever have good “game”. Plus, I read his blog. I sounded like his was being sarcastic, but since he doesn’t seem to be used to using things like sarcasm…or developing well-rounded characters…or humor…things could get confusing.

  169. Gringo
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#126): “Skeetos” sounds a horrible Skittles/Cheetos hybrid “food.”

    By “horrible,” I’m assuming you meant “delicious.”

    I’m not a healthy eater, no.

  170. Mark B.
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MW: You freaking morons. The ship is beached on a shallow rock. It’s not going to sink. All you need to do is stay put and wait for the rescue. If you go into the water, you are endangering yourselves.

  171. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#164): To graduate from Colgate University I had to pass a swim test or take 4 swim phys Ed classes. I took the classes and smelled like chlorine for a year. I could make it lengthwise across the pool doing a crawl. That was it. I don’t like water and I REALLY hate huge objects like ships. So a cruise would not be my choice for a relaxing vacation. Dang! I wish Wilbur had listened to me. I tried to warn him.

  172. tallyHO
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#39):
    Ziggy: I’ve never owned a working cat, but shouldn’t a mouser be catching its own food?

    @Dood (#48):
    Mary Worth: I don’t know if the comics-reading world is ready for Wilbur to release his Kraken.

    If “Kaken” is what he calls he wee wee, how brutal is that thing?

    @agony (#70):

    I thought it was like “fellers”, another word that nobody really pronounces that way. Or… you don’t, do you?

    Only the most annoying “characters” I’ve met use “fellers” to describe someone whose family’s last name is not Feller. It is like they are asking to be punched yet don’t know how to properly ask.

    @Hogenmogen (#84):

    Even when the trouble involves her hoo-hoo.

    Booyah! A Monday morning mention of a hooha!

    Huzzah! Hurrah! Sisboombah!

  173. Mark B.
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#172): I’m guessing that’s going to be the semi-ironic outcome. Dawn is going to try to swim to shore and get eaten by a shark, while Wilbur stays put and gets rescued the next day as the ship sits sideways on a big rock.

  174. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Is that a huge hairbrush Molly Kinsella is wielding or an industrial strength vibrator? No wonder she’s “addicted.”

  175. Dood
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Given that the specific gravity of mayonnaise is .91, Wilbur has a very high probability of not drowning. Science!

  176. Baka Gaijin
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#87) on Mary Worth: I think you found The Wilbs’ motivation.

    @LP2004 (#91): I’m going to Hell for laughing at that.

    @Dood (#103): See above.

    @Dood (#141): Ha ha, ewww.

    @Chaze126 (#173): That seems an odd graduation requirement. Was there any reason given?

  177. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    LuAnn – I want to know if Ann Eiffel is dead from rabies yet and if Shannon has been “put down.”

  178. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    MW — Why are all these people diving into the water with their suits on? Is there a special dress code for cruise ship disasters?

  179. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#178): Small private university. Endowments come with strings. The lady who gave the school money for the Olympic sized pool lost a son to drowning.

  180. tallyHO
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#174):

    geez. i’m specializing in Monday moronics.
    @TheDiva (#39): I would love to own a working cat. I’d by him a little lunch pail and overalls and send him off to the 40 hr a week grind with a pat on his head.

    @Dood (#48):

    You say “Kraken” I stupidly say “Kaken”. Your’s makes sense, mine rhymes with bacon.

    The other two replies are as intended.

    Sigh.
    No if Dawn wanted to save both herself and Wilbur she’d just jump on his back and tell him to do a Free Wilbur and jump over the railing. Then he can make like a Porka Orca and make it to the goal line (its only 100 yards).

    And, if he does make like a Porka Orca, it would only be in the spirit of being in Italy, and so that he could be drawn darting about with Dawn riding his back as if she’s on a jiggling jetski.

  181. Mark B.
    July 30th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    MW: it’s also implausible. A reasonably strong swimmer can easily transport a non-swimmer 100 yards, the caveat being that the non-swimmer needs to relax and not struggle. Can you do that, Wilbur?

  182. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#165): Actually, I’m starting to like the “dancing the mortise and tenon” metaphor more and more. It’s at least as good as Shakespeare’s “two backed beast”, and if it makes one’s reader or listener think a bit, so much the better.

    Of course, the problem is, where and when to use such a phrase to best effect. As a well-bred person, naturally, I seldom refer to the subject at all.

    // Ok. How about a band called “Two Backed Beast”, and their debut album, “Dancing the Mortise and Tenon”. I’m thinking electric dulcimer world music alt-country fusion, with cowbells. It would combine po-mo and porno irony!

  183. Marc
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Out of sheer boredom and mild curiosity, I went to Mark Trail’s wikipedia page. The “reception” section sounds an awful lot like all of the things that we say on here about the strip. The part that got me the most was the character descriptions which among other things, noted Kelly Welly as pretty, that Mark solves his issues with a “crushing right cross”, and the noting of the date Andy was neutered.

  184. Baka Gaijin
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#177): Oh God. This is what I love about this board. Would GoComics commenters have looked up a density measure of mayonnaise? I think not.

    @Chaze126 (#181): Oh. The endowment at my school must have hated Elisha Otis, showing its disdain by installing the least useful elevators known to man.

  185. Uncle Lumpy
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur’s got a grip on that pole like those five strands of hair on his scalp.

  186. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#173): I swim very badly and was the only kid in my grade school to get seasick on a small excursion boat. I suspect I am descended from someone who stepped off the ship onto Ellis Island, threw up one last time, and said “I am never ever ever doing that again.”

  187. pastordan
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#132): A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of workmen tearing down the walls and pulling up the floor. He asks the bartender, “Is this the pomo place?”

    The bartender says, “It is, but we’re deconstructing it.”

  188. Dood
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “Dawn, look up above us! We can fashion life preservers out of our dialogue balloons!”

  189. Downpuppy
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – If the ship has 4000 passengers, it is about 300 meters long, 36 meters high, and has a crew of over 1000. In an hour on the Mediterranean coast, how many other boats would be around?

    In addition to all the other stupidities of this plot, it’s like the thing has shrunk down to a harbor ferry and moved to the Pitcairns.

  190. Mibbitmaker
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#174): It’s similar to when Elrod has a character say “fellow” or “fellows”. It may, in this case, be technically correct, but it’s usually pronounced “fellah” or “fellahs”. “Fellow” sounds British (which MT characters are, generally, not), like Eric Idle reading inappropriate children’s books aloud.

    None of which applies to Brian Fellows (“familiy’s last name” exception).

  191. Señor Tortilla
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    There was a post called IS THIS IS THE END OF ALDO? which I think this refers to.

    9CL: It’s time for “Anoymous Bouncer’s Punch-Out!!”, coming soon to the comics paper.

    Marvin: A “star”? Really? It seems that Marvin was even more grotesque than today, apparently.

    MW: Is this supposed to be mirroring Titanic? Will Dawn weep as Wilbur sinks in the murky depth, weighed down by dozens of sandwiches, with the last combover hair falling in?

    FC: The seed of discontent…

  192. Lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    I’m thinking Little Caesar: “Mother of God, is this the end of Rico?” or, “Pizza, pizza”.

  193. Marc
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#188): I’d like to think of myself as fairly athletic but I don’t swim very well either. I mean, I can do it well enough as to where I wouldn’t drown, but it’s not pretty. I’m all arms and no legs. If I try using my legs, it’s a lot of flailing and splashing with little progress. Something about being in the water does not allow my arms and legs to move in unison.

  194. Lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    I know I’ve said this already, but the flying-overboard people in MW are the funniest cartoon images I’ve seen this year.

  195. curlyfries
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#184): “Making the two backed beast” is a brilliant as phrases go, since everyone has a back, and as far as comprehension goes, can literally put one and one together to make two – and all without referring to any naughty part of anyone’s anatomy.

    Furniture joins, however, don’t dance, so to try to attach that image to them is clumsy at best – and actually pretty crude as imagery goes, if you think about it. And unless you know what they are in the first place, the phrase doesn’t convey dick – which is why it really sucks as phrases go. Actually, if it actually did convey dick, it would be helpful. As it is, it just comes off as pretension for pretension’s sake.

  196. Jasper
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    MW- In a previous strip, land appeared to be a couple of miles away. Aside from Sink or Swim Cruise Lines only having one life boat and no apparent life preservers, its the middle of summer in the Mediterranian Sea which is a saltwater lake. Fat boy doesn’t have to do anything except have Dawn lug his lard ass to shore, if they are only 100 yards out.

  197. Droopy Says
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#191): And, where are the helicopters that would be providing live news coverage, so Mary Worth can see the disaster? (Not to mention the ships and patrol craft from assorted navies and coast guards, as well as their helicopters. I don’t know if this is in the Adriatic or Mediterranean, but wherever it is, it isn’t taking place far from civilization.) By now enough time has passed for, minimum, the people on shore to have got out their cell phones and webcams, and posted the videos to YouTube and Facebook.

    Maybe whoever is doing this has a late-Forties vision of Europe. We’ll know for certain if we see Mary Worth telling a Charterstone Child “Eat your carrots! There are starving children in Poland!”

  198. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#183): …the caveat being that the non-swimmer needs to relax and not struggle. Can you do that, Wilbur?

    Frankie say:
    Relax! Don’t rassle
    When you’re in a hassle
    Relax! Don’t struggle
    When a hero comes!

    Relax! Don’t jiggle!
    You’ll just make us all giggle.
    Relax! Don’t struggle
    When a hero comes!

  199. The Ghost of Jarrod
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#89):

    It’s always a relief when I find out I’m not alone…. ;)

  200. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#173): To graduate from Colgate University I had to pass a swim test or take 4 swim phys Ed classes.

    What a curious graduation requirement! To graduate Navy boot camp, you had to pass a swim test, but that’s understandable. I thought Colgate’s motto was Deo Ac Veritati, “God and truth”, not Nata aut disce!, “Swim or depart!”

  201. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

  202. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

  203. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    I found this comic through Washington City Paper, Lucy and Sophie Say Good Bye. Implied lesbianism, IN 1905!!
    http://www.barnaclepress.com/list.php?directory=LucyandSophie

  204. LanceThruster
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    MW – Glob forbid he avail himself to a f#cking life vest! It’s not the North Atlantic, crawling with icebergs for crying out loud.

  205. commodorejohn
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – What a coincidence, that’s exactly my philosophy. Gimme five, Agnes.

    A3G – “I’m going to write a forty-minute concept piece about the cycle of life, with these recordings I took from a woman in labor! It’s my new artistic direction!”

    DTM – “Dennis, do you mind? We’re trying to have a porno setup here!”

    DT – So is she going to sing late ’70s-early ’80s hits in a firefight? Maybe ONJ/ELO’s “Xanadu?”

    FC – Suddenly I’m actually slightly more kindly disposed towards mosquitos. (Also, you twits live in Arizona. You don’t know from mosquitos.)

    FW – Smirk on, Photo of a Dead Woman! Let your smirk shine like a beacon of smug-assedness from the mountaintop for all the world to see!

    GT – ALL WILL SUCCUMB TO THE POWER OF GOLF. GOLF IS AT THE BEGINNING OF ALL THINGS, AND GOLF IS AT THE END OF ALL THINGS. THUS IT IS WRITTEN. PRAISE BE TO GOLF.

    JP – So was one homoerotic fishing storyline just not enough for Woody?

    Luann – Oh fuck you, Greg. Berate your designated villain for not doing exactly the things you’ve shown her doing, oh that’s just fucking classy. Take this storyline and shove it up your ass, fuckwad. Fuck.

    MT – Cherry’s got quite a set of lungs on her!

    MW – Oh please, Wilbur, you’re basically your own floatation device. (And hey, shipwrecked on an unknown island in the Mediterranean? Golly, maybe we will be getting an Odyssey after all!)

    Phantom – Uh, right. Sure.

    SM – That’s our Spidey!

  206. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#191): If the ship has 4000 passengers, it is about 300 meters long…”

    300 meters is more that three football fields. (3.2808 Ff to be precise).

    // For U.S. readers. Ship lengths in the U.S. are always given in units of football fields. It’s a law or something. You’re welcome.

  207. Herbert Morrison
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#91): Oh, the hellmannity!

  208. LP2004
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    MW: Giving credit where it’s due, it does appear that Karen Moy is following the story of the Costa Concordia disaster reasonably well. If Wikipedia is to be believed, a number of passengers did jump overboard in order to swim for shore, and a few didn’t make it.

  209. Sequitur
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#208): However, if you add in the end zones (an extra 20 yards) to the length of a football field we now have 2.734 Ff for 300 meters. The end zones are part of the playing field so I feel they should count.

  210. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 30th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    MW: You think that iron pole reminds her of Dave?

    MW (Josh’s snark): For a second I thought you said your affection for the Worth characters was “down a weird hole of porno irony.” So that’s a small part of my brain I’ll have to have removed.

    FC: Dolly might be annoyed by the mosquitoes too, but she’ll eagerly tell mom and dad that you were questioning the wisdom of the Almighty if it will help her place in the pecking order.

    MT: Rusty A Deer asks, “What is it this time? Do they want me, or that other dork?”

    C-Shaft: Add “corn” to the list of things smart enough to turn a deaf ear to Crankshaft.

    9CL: This one is a lot funnier if you score it to Funkadelic’s “No Head, No Backstage Pass.”

    Agnes: A girl after my own heart.

    Popeye: Dude, you have knees?

    Baldo: Tia Carmen and Gracie wait for Godot.

    RMMD: Melissa told Becka to make a hole in the schedule, so she decided to make it a plot hole. Hence the Wilson & Nolan file.

    BB: Oh me-ow, Beetle!

    DT: Well duh! This is Dick Tracy and her first name sounds like “stiletto.” How many options did she have?

    DtM: For example, he can break the news to Henry that Alice is calling up well-hung repairmen to come by and “fix the dishwasher.”

    Luann: Somehow this advice never found its way to Luann “Juilliard or I don’t know, something” de Groot.

    S-M: I have no idea what Clown-9 is talking about here, but he seems to have greatly overestimated Spidey’s will to actually do something.

    M-Dawg: Yup, postcoital dog daze.

    S4th: It could be that she’s that good. It could also be that you’re that transparent.

    OBH: Alfred Hitchcock directs “The Golden Girls.”

    Marvin: Granted, Marvin, you’re usually not this fat. But Tom Armstrong was determined to give you Eric Cartman lines today.

    A3G: Rick tells his engineers to take five, and they ignore him outright. Maybe he really is the right man for Tommie.

  211. Downpuppy
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#208): It’s Europe, so a football field is 100 meters, and football is played with feet. Even though Italy (& everybody else) has been getting thrashed by La Furia Roja since 2008, that’s still the game.

  212. Dennis Jimenez
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Herbert Morrison (#209): Westonality – all it needs is Florence Henderson to sing the theme song….

  213. Sequitur
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#212):

    A3G: Rick tells his engineers to take five, and they ignore him outright. Maybe he really is the right man for Tommie.

    Engineers play by their own rules.

  214. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#181): wow. o.O

  215. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#29):

    JP: After two weeks of man-on-Sam foreplay, is anyone surprised they didn’t eat the fish?

    I’m sure Abbey is absolutely shocked, end sarcasm.

  216. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — I though Becka was Rex’s nurse, not receptionist…

  217. Baka Gaijin
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    You know, I wouldn’t cower if I saw, on a busy street in New York, a man in the technicolor dream-windbreaker with a big bag o’money unprotected on the luggage rack of his Duckmobile. I’d figure he’s a performance artist doing this for his finals at the Julliard.

  218. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#183): Lie still and think of sammiches…

    @Marc (#195): my swimming skills are non-existent (I rationalize it with a variety of factors). Really, I’m mesmerized during the Olympics with the dolphin kicks that the swimmers take when turning, how amazingly fast they can move, and that there aren’t random corpses floating in the pool after a match.

    @Dennis Jimenez (#214): hahahahahahahaha!

  219. Downpuppy
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#199): That news thing brings back bad memories of the last Crossing Jordan I ever watched.

    Among about 30 impossible* things that happened in the first 15 minutes, they crashed a Redline Train at Charles/MGH and laid out the casualties on a lawn in Vancouver. A train crashed in the entrance to one of the biggest & best trauma centers in the world and nobody carried them inside. By lunch, the entire city seemed to have forgotten it.

    *Over 200,000 people ride the Red Line every day, but the writers apparently couldn’t find 1

  220. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#62): Damn, that’s a Superman-class codpiece…

  221. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    That’s it. I’ve had it with the same old comics. It’s time once again to snark the comics that exist only in my own head.

    Caldecott: I have to say, Aldo’s finally coming into his own as a comic writer. Too bad he’s stuck with this strip.

    CtC: Ah, Monday. Time for a new plotline. Based on the shadowy silhouette, I’d guess that this month’s villain will be… uh… a pile of mashed potatoes on a riding lawnmower? A little help here, color monkeys?

    Dr.Q: I know not what I have done to so please the Comics Gods that this year’s obligatory Beach Week would feature the curvaceous but infrequently seen Roxy, but I have just two things to say: “You’re welcome” and “HUMINA HUMINA HUMINA

    EoP: Why does every male in this strip wear the same color suit? Was there a sale on Pantone Reflex Blue at the MS Paint store?

    FFTT: As much as I enjoy comic strips about anthropomorphic talking trees*, I think I’ve heard enough “dumb ash” jokes to last me the rest of my life, thanks. Where’s a logging crew when you need one?
    *(and that’s “not very much”)

    FMAM: Yeah, but if he moved a little to the left, it’d be a BUTT-crack! Amirite? Zing!

    Littleton: I take it back. This strip does have a reason to exist: to make Dennis the Menace look entertaining by comparison.

    MoM: No snark here; the strip’s actually kind of funny today. I think that makes… let’s see… twice that’s happened. Keep it up, Rogers!

    Simon: Ohhh…. tire skid marks. I thought we were talking about… excuse me… *blaaarrrf* Sorry, everyone. Brain bleach is on me.

    RvQ: oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please… shit.

    TF: Really? I wonder what she’d do to get into Brown.

    YOG(MD): I’ve said it before… this strip MUST DIE.

  222. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#168): Remember what I said about un-wondering? Did you listen? How’s this – Imagine living in that house with the patched sheets for walls. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to hear Snuffy and ‘Weezy’s bed creaking. Imagine Snuffy’s hot chuffing and Weezy’s hot wheezing in rhythmic unison. Then comes the synchronous cry of hillbilly exctasy that sounds like a cross between an owl screech and “Hot puddin’ pie!” in Appalachian drawl.

  223. This Guy
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#223): So how’d you get here from the alternate universe? Transporter accident? Subspace anomaly?

  224. Crankenstank
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Skeetos, of course, is the name of the designer drug which both Keane kids have just ingested. Hey Dolly, now is a good time to look up the word “formication” (with an “m”) so you can describe your symptoms at rehab!

  225. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#224): It would sound more like this, I’m afraid.

  226. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    MW:
    Don’t worry Dawn, I know exactly what I must do! (whips out cell phone) Giorgio! Worst. Vacation advice. Ever.

  227. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#145): Ah, Totie Fields. Those were the days when guests used to appear on talk shows (like Mike Douglas and Merv Griffith) simply because they were entertaining conversationalists. No movies to promote. No PR. Just witty raconteurs raconteuring in a witty fashion.

    Sorry. Off topic, but I haven’t heard Totie Fields name for decades.

  228. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#226): One of the side effects of taking heavy doses of skeetos is the sensation of bugs crawling over your body.

  229. Lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    You know you’re a Plugger if you miss Totie Fields, Merv Griffin, and Mike Douglas.

  230. Lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    You know you’re the deceased parent of a Plugger if you miss What’s My Line and Dorothy Killgallen.

  231. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#174):

    Only the most annoying “characters” I’ve met use “fellers” to describe someone whose family’s last name is not Feller. It is like they are asking to be punched yet don’t know how to properly ask.

    I hate “fellers,” but I tend to go ballistic when someone calls me “buddy.” I don’t know why, really. It’s probably the quality of the people who have used that term in the past. But I have to keep tight control over myself to be polite to anyone who says “buddy” to me.

  232. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#211): @Downpuppy (#213): Very good points. The next time I see an article in a newspaper or magazine saying a particular oil tanker or aircraft carrier is the length of whatever number of football fields, I shall write them, demanding they specify with or w/o endzones, and American or European.

    With any sort of luck, they won’t know, and will go flying off into the chasm, like the bridge keeper on Monty P’s Holy Grail.

  233. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#180): We in the States are pretty casual, but in Europe, the bathing suit is a more elaborate fashion staple.

  234. The Ridger
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#154): another obsolete traditional English measurement, the furlong Without getting into the metric debate, I will content myself with pointing out that the furlong is alive and well in horse racing.

  235. Liam
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    MW-Dawn is hoping that Wilbur drowns so she can use his bloated corpse as a floatation device.

    FC-Billy, skeetos are actually a creation of the Devil. They are the tortured souls of the damned.

  236. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#233): So this guy walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “What’ll it be, buddy?”

    And Frank bops him in the nose, and the bartender says, “Canadian Club, right?”

  237. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#62):

    He actually looks more excited than the intended recipient – girl in tutu.

    Yeah, “excited” is the word I’d use. Maybe it’s padding, though.

  238. Gringo
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#229): Memorable Totie Fields moment: Telling KISS’s Gene Simmons on Mike Douglas that, underneath all the demonic makeup, she knew there was a “nice Jewish boy.”

  239. Snarkotix Addict
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#148): “I sure wish God didn’t invent pinworms!”.

    Ahem… “pinwos.”

  240. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#238): God, you’re fast.

  241. Anonymous
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#238): God, you’re fast. – That’s what she said.

  242. Hogenmogen
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: So is Trudeau drawing attention to focusing more on Alex than on the older generation? I don’t really see the point. There have been many story lines that had nothing to do with Mike Doonesbury, and sometimes he was absent from the strip for months at a stretch. That would be longer stretches than when Mary Worth or Rex decide to give up some air time for a promising young talent, but shorter than the abdication from Judge Parker and Barney Google.

    Doonesbury has been an ensemble cast since the early days. This gave Trudeau the flexibility to go in fresh directions when one character was getting stale. Contrast that to the Hagars and Blondies out there. Since there are so many characters not named Doonesbury, why would it really matter who Trudeau thinks is the center of the Doonesverse?

    If the whole story arc this week is Alex strutting around like she’s all that, she’s getting off to an annoying start.

  243. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#240): I am so sorry I missed that one.

    Speaking of Mike Douglas, I’ve always had a soft spot for Robert Blake because of that show. He was acting as co-host one week when they had Lucille Ball on. I have no idea what was wrong with Lucy, but she was virtually incoherent, and tended to sit there muttering to herself. Each time she did, however, Blake would lean over and act as though she was talking to him in an attempt to draw attention away from her bizarre behaviour.

  244. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    And speaking of swimming, when I was a teen I developed a special swimming style that looked like someone swimming very quickly forward, but with judicious use of a kind of backward stroke while my hands were hidden under the water, I would stay in one spot. Kind of like Moon Walking in water.

    This, of course, would not allow me to swim 100 yards, however, and so I would die if my cruise ship sank.

  245. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#236): Well, yeah, horse stuff is full of mensural anachronisms. Just yesterday we were discussing how tall oryxes were at the shoulder, inches or centimeters. Now what’s the conversion factor for “hands”?

    // What’s the preferred unit for measuring ones completely distended inflatable coccyx?
    // Mine’s bigger!

  246. tallyHO
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#226):

    Ah, yes!

    Skee-tos!

    That is that drug that “inspired” people to start doing the Macarena.

    // It is sad that vile drug is causing those younguns to dance like adults were dancing over a decade ago….oh. wait. Those two kids were kids back then, too, weren’t they?

  247. Tom Allen
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#191): They’re on a thousand-foot cruise ship that’s 100 yards from shore. I *think* I see the problem here.

  248. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#171): The anti-Midas touch, you might call it.

  249. tallyHO
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#233):
    I tend to go ballistic when someone calls me “buddy.”
    Well, you are officially off of my AIM list then.

    Part of the thing with “buddy” is there are people who say it when they just don’t remember your name.

    Once this really, really older guy who was shopping and being helped by his daughter called me “Bub!”. That made my day. After growing up with cartoons that contained the lines: “Don’t get nosey, Bub!” it felt welcoming to actually hear someone say it so matter-of-factly.

    But, obviously, if it goes a bit further and someone is called Bubba, it would be insulting. However, if someone called me Bubbala (sp?) I’d be fine with that.

    As for being called “feller”, it is like a throwing knife landing right between the eyes. I am sure it is a hillfolk thing but it sounds like styrofoam folksiness to my ears; sound very disingenuous if used in casual speech.

    Geez. I can’t believe I’m so off today. Here I am trying to articulate stuff about this and I completely forgot about THIS BAND —> Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers

    Why it took me so long to remember it….

  250. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: Having just now gotten around to reading the Wikipedia article on the Costa Concordia Disaster, as they call it, I have to say that Moy is pretty much straightforward in her story. Amazingly, to me, the ship did finally ground about a hundred yards from shore.

    There was apparently, always the danger that the ship would slip off the shelf where it came down and completely submerge, but that didn’t happen.

    The article’s very good by the way, worth looking at.

    // I want to get one of those Vada a bordo, cazzo! t-shirts.

  251. Snarkotix Addict
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#207): FW – Smirk on, Photo of a Dead Woman! Let your smirk shine like a beacon of smug-assedness from the mountaintop for all the world to see!

    Yeah, another shrine. Which poses a question: What exactly happened to Lisa’s body?

    I haven’t noticed Les making pilgrimages to her tomb, or scattering the ashes at various places around the world, or setting up reliquaries with her body parts at shrines (Look! Here is a Piece of the True Smirk!). He doesn’t… er… have the body stashed away somewhere at home, does he?

  252. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Archie: The lineup totally bugs me. What kind of line is T-shaped? This is going to result in mass confusion when the doors open.

    (PS: Saw The Dark Knight Rises last night while we were in Toronto. Nolan has done Batman proud. Also — no lineup, but if there had been it wouldn’t have been T-shaped!)

  253. Snarkotix Addict
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#251): Or “friend.” Or – worse – “my friend.”

  254. tallyHO
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#192):
    //I had intended to include your comment in the one above I made to Frank.

  255. Liam
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    JP-”I like that pack rod, it has backbone.” That’s what she said.

    MT-Cherry, it is useless calling for Rusty. He is either out of earshot, pinned beneath a boulder, or is being feasted on by a mountain lion.

    A3G-Where is Dan’s music, Tommie? Why aren’t you making his beautiful music?

  256. Ian Beste
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#127): Porno can be enjoyed ironically…if you want.

    @Longhorn (#151): Well, just like that, I guess.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#247): A hand equals four inches. You measure the horse from the ground to the top of the whithers, the protruding part of the backbone at the base of the neck. And a +5 for the use of “mensural” to mean measuring.

  257. Liam
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    MW-Days later Rusty will return home reeking of dead bighorn and sex.

  258. Mark B.
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#252):

    There was apparently, always the danger that the ship would slip off the shelf where it came down and completely submerge, but that didn’t happen.

    Yeah, they were ‘lucky’ in that the wind kept the ship pressed up against the rock until it sank far enough to become firmly lodged. If the wind had been going the opposite direction, it’s likely the ship would have completely sunk and the loss of life would have been much worse. If the Moy story holds true to form, the only way Wilbur dies is if Dawn takes on an ill-considered attempt to ferry him to shore. The best thing that they can do is stay put and wait until the ship settles down.

  259. klaus tommy baggs
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    FC: Jeffy, baby, I hope the PBS gang abducts you and sells you to the current Mary Worth storyline.

  260. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Josh, why won’t Mitt Romney root for his wife’s dumb horse?

  261. Dale
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#164):

    The “it’s only 100 yards” thing is really starting to bug me. Swimming and walking aren’t the same. When I was in the Boy Scouts, I had to swim 50 yards. It wasn’t easy. I could and did walk for miles. (Now I’d stay home or drive.)

  262. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#244): Oh, I think Trudeau is just playing with the idea of turning over to a new generation of characters. As you point out, he’s never fixed on one character or the other, just whatever interested him, at the time. It’s a story, is all. Nothing will change. Not until Trudeau himself retires.

    // There’s a horrid idea: Doonesbury as a legacy zombie strip, done by syndicate hacks. Trudeau sells the rights to the Archie machine, or Walter Browne…

  263. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury as written by Greg Evans.

  264. Baka Gaijin
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#224): I’ve taken overnight trains in Europe. I’m like, “Whatevs” when they succumb to passion in the 6-passenger cabin.

    @Lynn (#231): Hmm. They’re a little too witty and urbane for Pluggers. Missing Phylliss Diller, Art Linkletter, and Mitch Miller are more Pluggers’ speed.

    @Ian Beste (#258): “Mensural” means “measuring,” not something to do with Aunt Flow. I think I have something to apologize for something I said for at work.

    @Liam (#259): EW ew ew ewwwww.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#262): It doesn’t have an inflatable coccyx. The horse, that is. I don’t know about Mrs. Romney.

  265. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Dammit, Avery better not get killed. I dunno if I can handle two of my chubette compadres getting offed in one week.

  266. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Note how I just left you with that ominous thought.

  267. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    How about the folks who do Phantom take over Luann, hmmm?

  268. tallyHO
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    snuffy smif

    I don’t know if Loweezy’s apron is too high or her cleavage is that low.

    As for panel two…there is the sentimental AWWWwwwww!
    Then there is that Jack Nicholson line…which would be Awweeeeuuugggh!

    “Wink” could be some sort of Snuffeumism.

  269. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    You are a Plugger and barely clinging to life if you ever “sang along with Mitch”. (I did.)

  270. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    You are definitely a Plugger if you know exactly what the story behind Loweezy’s cleavage level is. (I do.)

  271. Weaselboy
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    I tried to come up with a clever “can you hear me now?” joke for Funky Winkerbean, then I realized that such a thing no longer exists.

  272. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#264): I suspect he’s received letters asking why he’s been so concentrated on Alex (Alexa?), and is now lampshading it by pretending to turn the strip over to her. I’d be very surprised if he did, though.

  273. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#271): Hey! I sang along with Mitch, and I’m only 60.

    Only 60. Boy, does that ever not sound right.

  274. Moebius
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#89):
    Excellent link, Commando…everyone should have a daily dose of Pythons!

  275. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    You are a Plugger if you preface your senior-citizen level age with “only”. (Sorry!)

  276. Cloudbuster
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#253): Of course he does. He keeps propping the preserved corpse up in front of the video camera in the locked room of his basement to make new videos for Summer. He’s worked up an ingenious puppetry system to make the mouth move.

    “Wow, Dad, mom looked really bad there at the end, didn’t she?”

    “Cancer will do that to you, Summer. That’s why you must never offend the memory of your mother, or the cancer will come for you, too!”

  277. Moebius
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#252):
    Check out eBay for those shirts…..

  278. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#263): Point taken. 100 yards isn’t nothing. But compared to what lots of people do every day at their local YMCA pool…

    And, in the Boy Scouts, you were trying to swim that fifty yards as fast as possible, right? Of course it was hard.

    And if you HAVE to be on a ship that sinks, having it end up half submerged 100 yards from a civilized inhabited island is probably about the best possible outcome.

  279. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#13):

    That’s COTW material right there!

  280. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#275): “Only 60″ sounds perfectly fine to me. Maybe because I am “only 60.”

  281. Mibbitmaker
    July 30th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    A while back, when I was going through TV Tropes, I discovered this page:

    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Webcomic/PopCulturesKids

    There’s (last time I looked) no actual content, it’s just waiting for some. I was wondering, for one, if it would be considered unethical for a creator to start up content on the TV Tropes page for his/her own creation. I know that Dan Harmon visited the site alot, but not to post things about Community, rather to use as many tropes as possible in the creation/writing for the show.

    There’s no official rules about that on the site, but I’m still not sure if it’s still okay. Even to put the apostrophe in the title there (which now reads “Pop Cultures Kids”, probably based on the url to my comic’s pages).

    Barring that option, or even not barring it, if anyone willing to brave the barely escapable TV Tropes site can help fill it out with some content, that would be great. I really would like to be able to start it up myself if that’s not a bad idea.

    Thanks in advance.

  282. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#251): You came close enough there, I think you deserve credit for coining a valuable word: “styrofolk,” and in another form, “styrofolksy,” etc. All I did was fold it in, like that thing in MAD that folds in when you fold it in. You know, that thing.

  283. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

  284. Ian Beste
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#266): That’s right, “mensural” means measuring or measures. I first ran into that lexical rarity in library school and have carried that little bit of meaning around whenever someone asks about an odd measurement (“shaku”, “faraday” etc.) Given the word’s near-homonymous nature relative to another set of meanings, it isn’t one that I would use a lot though.

  285. Cloudbuster
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#70): You should stay away from Appalachia. We have fellers livin in the hollers down here that would scare the diction right out o’ ya. And skeeters. Big uns’.

  286. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Lynn (#232): I firmly believe chinless Dorothy Killgallen was a member of the Burber clan.

  287. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#275): Sixty is cool, man. The new forty. Just middle-aged.

    // If you live to 120.

  288. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Ha, ha, we are definitely Pluggers if we know that Dorothy Killgallen was chinless! But you are more of a Plugger if you think of her as a Gump.

  289. seismic-2
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#266): Of course, in “real life” Mitch Miller was himself quite urbane. He was a distinguished classical musician in a number of respected orchestras before he became a record producer and then a bigwig in the recording industry at Columbia Records.

  290. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Here in ComicsCurmudgeonland, 60 is the new 29. You are cool, way too cool for school! I love it here! Wait, here comes the nurse with my meds…

  291. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Seriously, I suspected that a lot of folks here are about twice Josh’s age. It’s the good grammar that’s the giveaway. Th kdz w du more lk ths lol.

  292. Calico
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#207):

    FC melons, try getting eaten by black flies, blood dripping down your ears. Now that’s discomfort.

  293. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Oooh, oooh, are there black flies on Kilimanjaro?!

  294. Cloudbuster
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#263): It still isn’t that hard. When I first started scuba diving, one of the first things we had to do was a long swim — to simulate coming up a long distance from shore or the boat ( I can no longer remember how far it was, but more than 100 yards ). Barring fighting against a current, it’s only as hard as you make it. People float. You can stop and rest, practically nap, anytime you want. As I said above, only novices who try to make a race out of it have troubles. Barring currents, hypothermia and predators, I can float on the water indefinitely, making casual progress in one direction, resting when I need to. So, one the one hand, Wilbur’s fear is realistic — lots of people feel that way. On the other hand, the fear is misplaced. And shouldn’t there be a lot of life jackets and life preservers? Never been on a cruise, but you’d think they’d have hundreds.

  295. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#257):

    MT-Cherry, it is useless calling for Rusty. He is either out of earshot, pinned beneath a boulder, or is being feasted on by a mountain lion.

    Or that magic combination of all three.

  296. Cloudbuster
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#297): Now you’re just toying with us!

  297. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Artist formerly known as Ben @Liam (#257): ” MT-Cherry, it is useless calling for Rusty. He is either out of earshot, pinned beneath a boulder, or is being feasted on by a mountain lion.” Or that magic combination of all three.

    Can we throw in some black flies, please?

  298. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    You probably would never guess that I am waiting for my work day to end.

  299. Anonymous
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Dorothy Kilgallen – killed because she knew too much about JFK’s assassination? Or because she flirted with Bennett Cerf.

    Mitch Miller – yeah, I sang along to “The Yellow Rose of Texas” with bravura.

    Most urbane guest of the most urbane host? Oscar Levant on Jack Paar.

  300. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#301): That was I.

  301. Anonymous
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: Panel One clearly illustrates the time-honored rule of abandoning ship when the one-legged passenger leaps overboard.

  302. Anonymous
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#195): Yeah, some of us just move better in air.

  303. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    I do have to say, that with all these perfectly executed dives going on in the background, it would be fun to see Wilbur strip to his skivvies, get a running start, and do a cannonball right into the Med. Oh yeah, he should yell ” Cannonball!” while doing it. THAT would be cool.

  304. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#282): @Nehemiah Scudder (#289): @lynn (#292): One thing I am not is “60 years young.” I truly despise that phraseology. Nor am I “young at heart.” What’s the point of getting older if you don’t get older (so to speak)?

    “Hey, buddy, I hear you’re 60 years young. Just remember, you’re still young at heart.” And the resulting homicide would be completely justified.

    And speaking of Mitch — I once shook hands with Don Messer, and he signed my violin. (That’s not a non sequitur. Not really.)

  305. Anonymous
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#235): HAR!! Okay, I’ll tentatively buy that re the jackets, pants, and ties, but the shoes? No way.

  306. Alter Ego
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    love is… his & hers remote-controlled vibrators.

  307. UncleJeff
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    I’m not 60 (55 today, actually) but I remember Mitch Miller and the Gang.
    I always loved their somewhat militant-sounding “A White Sport Coat and a Pink Carnation”. Clenched fists. Arms swinging. Marching in place.
    The Gang looked and sounded like they were ready to rumble against some other game of middle-aged men wearing cardigan sweaters.
    Mitch was also the A&R man for Columbia Records who tried to turn Aretha Franklin into a 1960s version of Ella Fitzgerald and tried just about everything he could to sabotage Bob Dylan, the Byrds and other rock acts that John Hammond signed to Columbia.

  308. kkarenb
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#70): @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#96): A real, legitimate song, “Everglades,” was recorded by the Kingston Trio in the early 1960′s. The song was about a defendant on trial for murder who somehow escapes to the Everglades. The song includes the line, “If the skeeters don’t get him, then the gators will.”

    JP – Ignorance and apathy.

  309. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    I could believe that Oscar Levant was assassinated for flirting with Bennett Cerf. (You’re a plugger if you remember Bennett Cerf’s voice)

  310. UncleJeff
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    that should be “some other gang of middle-aged men wearing cardigan sweaters.”
    Probably the Four Preps, Four Freshmen, Four Fellas or something like that.

  311. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    “he signed my violin” Is that what the kids were calling it in those days?

  312. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#306): I was born in ’56, in one of the centuries preceding this one. (I was never good with details.) I think that puts me in my extremely late thirties.

  313. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#24): As much as I admire Bill Griffith, I honestly can’t see why he, himself, likes Ernie Bushmiller. “Nancy plus Sluggo equal perfection”? I’m pretty sure, at this point, he doesn’t mean that ironically.

    To the surprise of absolutely no one, I’m also an Ernie Bushmiller fan. But explaining WHY I like Bushmiller’s work would be as futile as explaining Lawrence Welk’s appeal to someone who can’t stand cornball music. You either like it or you don’t!

  314. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Happy birthday, Uncle Jeff! I am moving up on 55 in about 5 months. My brother is 72 and I tease him about his “white sport coat and pink carnation.” Catchy little tune, actually.

    We got to know songs of older generations (‘Grandfather’s Clock” anyone?) because there were NO HEADPHONES back then.

  315. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Rev. Scudder, if Missus Scudder should go all Lisa Moore on you…call me.

  316. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#286): That’s right, “mensural” means measuring or measures. I first ran into that lexical rarity in library school…

    When I put it on CC, it is no longer a rarity. Remember “somniculous”?

    // No? Crap.

  317. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: What is the joke? Is it that Curtis is likely to forget how many of each item he’s supposed to buy (and “some tomatoes” isn’t a specific number to begin with)? I mean, this is dumb. If you’re going to send a kid (or anyone) out for such a specific list of items you should bloody well write them down.

    But even granting that the joke revolves around Curtis’s certain forgetfulness, that’s just not the kind of thing that makes for compelling “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” I’ve seen the show. The videos show people getting hit in the head, gut or crotch. It shows animals falling off things or dancing around. It shows children falling on their bums. The one thing it never ever shows is some kid in a store trying to remember how many fucking tomatoes his mother sent him out for.

  318. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Mills Brothers, anyone?

  319. UncleJeff
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#316): Thanks, Lynn.
    It’s not only a catchy tune but also the inspiration for the worst pun on a record jacket, ever.
    A picture of Jimmy Buffet…wearing a Panama hat and suit…holding a lobster.
    That’s right: “A White Sport Coat and a Pink Crustacean.”

  320. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#319): (Plus, whatever happened to all that money they made when the video of the mother lifting the car off Barry went viral?)

  321. lynn
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Or as we say in Curmudgeonland, Rev S., we could do the Margo-Scott tango.

  322. HAnzMFG
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    I know the tension in Mary Worth is high, but I can’t ignore Wilbur’s jacket, which looks like he stole from the Riddler.

  323. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#317): Ah, shucks!

  324. Marc
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#322): They certainly didn’t buy another bed so Curtis and his bedwetting younger brother didn’t have to sleep together anymore.

  325. tallyHO
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    I’m behind on reading most of my usual comics.

    So, in the Mark Trail strip, Doc is a scientist? He makes educated guesses which he expresses in generalities?

    The twilight sky over Lost Forest has Rusty’s name all over it?

    Whoohoo!

  326. Mibbitmaker
    July 30th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#312): The Four Fellers…?

  327. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#253): Les had her cremated, then scattered her ashes in Central Park. He promptly got mugged afterwards.

    I wish I were making this up.

  328. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#309): It’s true, Mitch Miller was pretty much the Face of the Enemy if you were into folk music, or rock, back then.

  329. Snarkotix Addict
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#212): FC: Dolly might be annoyed by the mosquitoes too, but she’ll eagerly tell mom and dad that you were questioning the wisdom of the Almighty if it will help her place in the pecking order.

    Try as she might, Dolly will never be a pecker.

  330. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#309): @lynn (#316): When I worked in the factory in the early ’70s, “A White Sports Coat” was one of the standard songs we sung. Of course, the words were changed. For us it was, “A white, sports coat, and pink pyjamas/I’m all dressed up for the dance.”

    Another favourite was the Connie Francis classic: “Lipstick on your penis/Told a tale on you.”

  331. tallyHO
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Surely someone else mentioned this about Funky Winkerwhatever…

    There’s no wind at that altitude?

    A person can carry a shoebox with him up the mountain and the shoebox can be filled with objects which don’t weigh much? You’d put paper on a mountaintop to preserve it?

    Even if he is letting the wind scatter this memorabilia to the four corners of the world, that could be done anywhere. He could have done that from a plane.

    Oh, Les Moore, you frustrating fool.

  332. Snarkotix Addict
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#329): I wish I were making this up.
    *SNORTS* Either way, that is hilarious!

  333. Ed Bob
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    I think this is the longest stretch of panels without Wilber having some food in his hand(s). I sure hope those abandoning ship have waited the prerequisite 45 minutes before diving into the sea. “Cramps are brutal!”

  334. Snarkotix Addict
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#70): I’ve never heard an actual living human say “skeeter” in my life – I thought it was like “fellers”, another word that nobody really pronounces that way. Or… you don’t, do you?

    Hell, I’ve known people named “Skeeter.” But then I grew up in the Southern Part of the State.

  335. ArchieNemesis
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Apropos of nothing, I thought I’d share a brief interview of Cathy Guisewite I stumbled across. She’s so much more articulate and intelligent than the girl who said “Ack” that she drew.

  336. Calico
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#299):
    For Rusty, yes indeed!
    It’s been so warm in La Belle Province this summer that I’ve actually seen some hornet-type bugs, which are usually pretty rare here. Oh, and we have many more butterflies too.
    Flying biting ants as well – but no BF’s.

  337. Ian Beste
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#318): I do, I do! The CC’ers are becoming a League of Lexical Resurrection.

  338. Peanut Gallery
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#30): (Bizarro) – Ohh, “shrink” as in psychiatrist! Now I get it. Still doesn’t explain why she’d be wearing a fancy gown to the office, though.

    @pastordan (#77):

    Mark Trail: You’re wise to stay hidden, Rusty. Cherry and Doc look hungry, and not for rainbow trout.

    I think you’re onto something. On Saturday, at first glance, I thought she was saying “It’s time to eat Rusty”!

  339. Snarkotix Addict
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#332): Another favourite was the Connie Francis classic…

    Reminds me of one of my favorite SCTV sketches – “20 Depressing Hits by Connie Franklin.”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZR4Kk5RT_Kg

  340. Chip Whittle
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#319):

    Curtis: What is the joke? Is it that Curtis is likely to forget how many of each item he’s supposed to buy (and “some tomatoes” isn’t a specific number to begin with)? I mean, this is dumb. If you’re going to send a kid (or anyone) out for such a specific list of items you should bloody well write them down.

    But even granting that the joke revolves around Curtis’s certain forgetfulness, that’s just not the kind of thing that makes for compelling “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” I’ve seen the show. The videos show people getting hit in the head, gut or crotch. It shows animals falling off things or dancing around. It shows children falling on their bums.

    There. That’s the joke. Barry is figuring that Curtis is not going to be able to carry home all these items without it turning into a hilariously bad juggling-inspired fiasco. Barry is apparently unaware of the availability of shopping bags in non-Portlandia-based supermarkets, but stranger things happen in Curtisburg.

  341. Dale
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#296):

    It depends on circumstances, which is why I try not to generalize (unless it helps my argument).
    When you started SCUBA diving, you probably knew how to swim and were in “good” shape. And maybe doing it voluntarily?
    I’m sure I could swim across the community pool. If I get tired walking over there (100 yards), I can sit down and not drown.

  342. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#315): Proud owner of an original Bushmiller 1943 Sunday page, here!

  343. greghousesgf
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#266): Phyllis Diller’s not dead! HA HAAAAAAAAA!

  344. Zerowolf
    July 30th, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    FC Can I get a bag of Skeetos from the Vendos?

  345. Cloudbuster
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#343): Don’t minimize my harrowing experience in the forced SCUBA work camp!

  346. Zerowolf
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    MW Is the captain still trying to beach the ship? If so, then the prop is turning. This means there is a huge draw current pulling all those people who jumped overboard into the screw faster than Wilbur can down a mayo sammich! Chop! chop!

  347. Liam
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    MW-Wilbur is associating this to a Chasterstone pool party refuses to dive into the water without any salmon squares in the area.

  348. Zerowolf
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    FW: Wow, cell reception on top of Mt. Kilimanjaro. It’s another Blessed Dead St. Lisa miracle!

  349. Zerowolf
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G: A baby! Start humping, Rick.

  350. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Evidently there is good cell phone reception on Mt. Kilimanjaro. http://kilimanjarocellphone.com/using-a-blackberry-on-mount-kilimanjaro/

  351. Alison
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth:” “Dear Wendy, my father took me on a cruise because my boyfriend Dave dumped me and I was moping around the house. The cruise ship sank, and my father drowned. Now I feel guilty. What should I do? Also, any ideas on how I can get Dave to come back to me? XOXOXO, Life Is Still Brutal.”

    “Luann”: How much makeup does Crystal use exactly? All she ever does is look in the mirror and reapply her makeup over and over. I thought Tiff was supposed to be the vain one here. (I’m not saying wearing makeup makes you vain, but touching it up 500 times a day sure does.)

  352. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#229): I loved those shows — Dinah and Merv (with Arthur Treacher) and especially Mike Douglas. Heck, I even watched David Frost, but half the time I didn’t even know who his guests were. I guess it was the equivalent of a televised cocktail party. Do they even have cocktail parties anymore? (They might…I just don’t get invited to them.)

  353. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

  354. Obélix
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    MW -
    Yes! Wilbur goes down with the ship, and Mary is offered the Dear Wendy gig in perpetuity, thereby converting her meddling avocation into a full-time job!

  355. Shrug
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#161):

    My most vivid camp memory of the old BATMAN tv was when B&R burst into the hideout where the villains had been holding a kidnap victim, only to find all had fled. But the victim had cleverly left behind a message in a bowl of alphabet soup! Robin was eager to scoop it up with just any old jar to take it back to the Bat-Cave for examination but Batman stopped him, reminded him “The proper tool for the proper purpose, Robin,” and took from off his utility belt a flash labelled “Bat Alphabet Soup Container.”

    I’m just saying, good for the Riddler’s loot sack labelled “Loot Sack,” but after the soup container thing, all other labels on the show were non-starters.

  356. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#354): The height of tension was when John and Yoko co-hosted the Mike Douglas Show. Mike was second biggest tool on TV (Merv was the biggest) so I would rush home from my new teaching job, just to watch Mike squirm as John and Yoko acted like the truly pretentious assholes they really were.

  357. Shrug
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#181):

    Count your blessings. If her son had died by alligator attack, your graduation requirements might have included wrestling and defeating an alligator.

  358. Dawn Weston
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#183):

    “Sigh. Dave used to relax and not struggle. Much.”

  359. Dennis
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: This story needs…PIRATES! Real deal pirates with peglegs and eyepatches.

  360. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#275): Mitch passed away in 2010 at the age of 99, active to the end. I think the moral of the story is KEEP SINGING!

    @UncleJeff (#309): Happy Birthday! And in a couple of days I’ll be 55, too (we could’ve been wombmates!).

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#318): no, but I like crapulent (which manages to be a perfectly good word while craptastic and craptacular are not).

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#332): “Walk like a man/Sing like a girl…”

  361. Chaze126
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#359): Didn’t I tell you? We had to do that to get our Masters. I don’t even want to talk about what I had to go through for my PhD. It would have qualified me to be lead singer for INXS.

  362. Dead Lisa
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#253):

    “What exactly happened to Lisa’s body?”

    Elijah came with his whirlwind and transferred me directly to Heaven, silly.

  363. Dick Francis
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#258):

    ” A hand equals four inches. You measure the horse from the ground to the top of the whithers, the protruding part of the backbone at the base of the neck. And a +5 for the use of “mensural” to mean measuring.”

    I did all that, and that’s how I finally learned to tell my two horses apart. I found out that the white one is half a hand taller than the black one.

  364. Chance
    July 30th, 2012 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#38): Look, the men in Mary Worth have standards, okay?

  365. Mr. O'Malley
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#306): Wow. Now I am impressed.

    I’ve met Ashley MacIsaac but it’s not quite the same.

  366. Liam
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Tiffany, you can always go the casting couch route.

  367. Uncle Lumpy
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#329):

    Got mugged and had to use his Sacred Lisa Special Quarter to call Funky to come pick him up.

    Seriously, when the chips are down, he has to call Funky.

  368. Liam
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-”What am I wearing? Why is he asking me that? He should know that I am naked like I always am.”

  369. GeoGreg
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    FW: Haven’t seen this mentioned yet, but I would bet that Les is talking on a satellite phone, which I would expect a climb up Kilimanjaro might have. Not cheap, though.

  370. gnome de blog
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Les of the Jungle Patrol (#9):
    Not only that, but the Tyrrhenian Sea (which is probably where they are, rather than the Mediterranean proper) is salty enough for even skinny people to float in.

    Dawn of all people is handling this particular crisis quite well. She has grasped that 1) chances of him dying here are pretty slim, and 2) if she does Daddy’s bidding (and follows her heart) and leaves him that he will resent it for the rest of his life, and probably cut her out of the will. Which means she’ll never see any of Wilbur’s cut for helping Mary offshore the millions that Black Jack Worth left behind when he was murdered</strike) passed away.

  371. UncleJeff
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#328): Everyone was joking earlier about “fellers”. I was actually trying to come up with the name of a group I saw on SCTV.
    Turned out to be “the Five Neat Guys”. You can see them on YouTube.
    (along with Connie Franklin. “You’ve never been so miserable”)

  372. Ed Dravecky
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    Dammit Wilbur, nobody’s asking you to swim that 100 yards in world-record time or all at once, like you eat your sandwiches. Go slow and take frequent rest breaks, like when you make love.

  373. odinthor
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    #306. FLM.

    One thing I am not is “60 years young.” I truly despise that phraseology. Nor am I “young at heart.” What’s the point of getting older if you don’t get older (so to speak)?

    The important question concerns whether you are or are not “spry.” Application to you by others of the word “spry” immediately and permanently qualifies you for the status of having indeed gotten older; and, by law, no one may ever again direct at you the words “Hey, bud! Get off my lawn!”. Indeed, if you’re spry enough, you’ll be able to get off the lawn before your would-be oppressor can think of what to yell.

  374. Ed Dravecky
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#333): There’s a metal box at the actual Uhuru Peak that contains a logbook for climbers to sign plus some photos and other objects left by climbers. It’s not a big box and it’s presumably cleared on a regular basis but all Les carried was the photo, not the box.

  375. True Fable
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Of all the Doonesbury characters, I like Alex the least. I just never thought she was all that clever or interesting.

    Naturally Alex is therefore the future of Doonesbury, not that I have followed it avidly ever since… well, ever since Alex showed up.

  376. demoncat
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    mw. dawn expression is saying stop wasting our time we have left and just jump for i will not be going home all alone and have life be that brutal. as wilbur is starting to wind up dieing just be arguing with dawn

  377. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#354): And let’s not forget Arthur Treacher’s Fish & Chips, which were ubiquitous for decades. Not sure about cocktail parties any more. H. Beam Piper was convinced we would take them out to the stars with us, but they seem to have pretty well disappeared (along with our dreams of the stars).

    Mike Douglas was my favourite. He was a true gentleman, and having a different co-host each week was an interesting approach.

  378. hibbleton
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: In Wilbur’s defense, 90% of all drownings occur within 10 meters of safety, 42% within 2 meters (Orlowaski & Szpilman). It sure looks like Wilbur is being set up to croak but how does that jive with the life lesson Dawn must learn to close out this story arc. The one that says “life is beautiful, always look at the good side, hope floats (but Wilbur don’t).” Something’s not right here.

  379. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#367): Almost saw Ashley in concert, but the timing wasn’t right. What the hell happened to him? He was huge, and then kind of disappeared.

  380. bats :[
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#379): our Arthur Treacher’s F&C was a Chinese food place since before I landed in Tucson (but I know we had at least one in Phoenix). It’s still a Chinese food place, but with each new iteration, there’s a little less of the half-timbered English motif (but it’s still there, after lo, these many years).

    Yeah, I think Mike Douglas was my favorite. I think he might’ve been the youngest (or at least acted like it) and had a lot of up and comers on as guests not that I recall any of them.

  381. seismic-2
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#293): I’m old. I started reading the daily comic strips in the Eisenhower administration. I read the very first episode of Apartment 3-G. I remember when B.C. was considered trendy, hip humor. I remember when Clovia Wallet from Gasoline Alley, whose grandson is now in grade school, was a little kid herself. Why, I even remember when

    boxcar

  382. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#362): That’s spiffy keen about you and UncleJeff turning 55, but compared to me, you’re still a couple of kids.

    Have I ever mentioned that Tom Batiuk and I were born in the same hospital? (Batiuk was born five years earlier, so no, we weren’t separated at birth!)

  383. Not Worth It
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#2): It didn’t say “Porno irony?” Now I’m confused. I read it to mean self-indulgent excessive irony, the way people say “food porn.”. What does pomo mean? What good was my 800 on the verbal SAT,if I can’t understand the Comics Curmugeon?

  384. Not Worth It
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#385): And why can’t I use proper punctuation when posting from my iPod?

  385. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#382): There was an Arthur Treacher’s Fish & Chips on SR 436 in Orlando, Florida. I used to eat there a couple of times a week when I lived in O-town back in the late 1970s.

  386. Peanut Gallery
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#318): Don’t overdo it with all those yard/meter/football-field conversions. You could give yourself a mensural cramp.

  387. commodorejohn
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#385): I think it’s an extremely clipped form of “postmodern,” because that way you save a syllable and six whole characters!

  388. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#388): Thanks, but I’ll be the gauge of that.

  389. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#354): Two of my favorite Merv Griffin/Mike Douglas guests were married to each another. Anyone else remember comedy writer Jack Douglas (no relation) and his Japanese-born wife Reiko?

  390. Peanut Gallery
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#386): Because you’re posting from an iPod. (I thought iPods were strictly media players; I had to look it up in Wikipedia to find out about the “iPod Touch”. Shouldn’t it be called “iPawed”?)

    You’d never have this problem if you used one o’ them USB typewriters we were talking about yesterday. (Now get yer newfangled gadgets off my lawn!)

  391. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#385): pomo: short for “post modern” I think Josh is all up on some sort of deconstructionist meme.

  392. seismic-2
    July 30th, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#391): Sure do. Part of the gag was that Reiko’s command of English was about the same as, say, Charo’s.

  393. The Eric
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Does God make mosquitos, or do they make themselves?

    Trick question, they were made by Beelzebub.

  394. Old School Allie Cat
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    Well it was the Nutcracker, after all…

  395. pastordan
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#354): @Frank Lee Meidere (#229): Don’t forget that Hugh Hefner had a talk show, too. He’d lounge on a big bed with his guests and the bunnies, who would chime in from time to time. Somewhere, there’s a FAR-OUT episode with Hugh and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar rapping. No, not hip-hop, man, just “rapping.”

  396. Austria
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    I know I haven’t been around much lately, but believe me, I have been watching this Mary Worth storyline like nobody’s business. If Wilbur goes to be with Aldo I might just cry.

  397. Liam
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy-Are you suggesting that Ziggy eats the cat?

  398. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @The Eric (#395): Flies are from Asmodeus, and he’s been busy here lately, cranking the dumb bastards out just so they can be all over the upstairs windows.

  399. Liam
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    MW-Yes, Dawn, take Wilbur with you. Have him cling to you as you struggle to swim to the island. Let him drag you down underwater like the useless overweight lump of flesh he is.

  400. Anonymous
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#304): @Anonymous (#307): Those were me, and I’m getting annoyed. Shape up, computer.

  401. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

  402. commodorejohn
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#402): I’d actually kind of guessed that @Anonymous (#304) and @Anonymous (#307) were you.

  403. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#148): Amen to that.

  404. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#404): Somehow I must have tossed my cookies. HAR! Sorry.

  405. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#398): Oh surely that won’t happen. Please, please, don’t let that happen. For one thing, I really really do not want to hear what Mary would have to say at the funeral.

  406. Poteet
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#398): I would hope this was a dream sequence except that even Wilbur after a bad sammich couldn’t dream up a jacket that bad.

  407. Tangerine
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “Good one, Crystal! Luann herself tried that for ten whole minutes, and we all know how that worked out: the best she can hope for is The Local Community College. And Greg is never going to let me come by anything legitimately, anyway–you have to know that. My only shot is skating by on my pretty face and sexy, sexy underage body.”

    As for Sunday: what a baffling claim to make about his strip. His teen characters can’t fall in love, or officially declare themselves boyfriend and girlfriend, or make out, because it’s a “family strip”–really? FOOB was doing all that back in the mid-nineties and it wasn’t remotely controversial even in the 1950s. Sure, leave out all question of whether the characters will be sexually active if you’re that worried, though this strip is enough of an institution that you could almost certainly get away with it if you wanted to address the subject.

    But what’s most amazing is that Luann can make heavy-lidded references to her horny, horny regrets the second Quill says he’s leaving, and Brad can hold up melons and think of Toni, and all of the other not-very-under-the-radar rather crass sexual nuances that Josh has referred to as Tales of Ribaldry, and Evans’ is insisting that he is constrained by conservative sexual mores? It’s not like anyone is missing this–all the GoComics commentary on those days is full of wink-wink nudge-nudge and outright exhortations to the characters (especially male ones) to get it on already, hot damn, you know she wants it, listen to her innuendo! There’s got to be more than the average of rule 34 imagery out there for this, if those wistful and speculative comments are anything to go by.

    Maybe Evan is just afraid of unleashing himself–he draws one earnestly romantic scene between two people who are confessing their total adoration for each other–and BAM! The strip becomes Pibgorn:
    http://www.gocomics.com/pibgorn/2011/10/07
    http://www.gocomics.com/pibgorn/2011/10/10
    A variant on the virgin-whore complex, where you have a choice between furtiveness and all-out abandoned demonic hedonism.

    One more (rather backdated) complaint, while I’m on this roll: even assuming that Quill would answer his phone during a makeout session, any but the most browbeaten and compliant teen would respond by insisting irritably that his life was important and he could get his packing all done in like an hour anyway, and turn off his phone and refuse to come home until late–or at the very least, whining and sulking and negotiating, or finding an effective way to stall, or disappearing inconveniently right away the next day, “accidentally” forgetting his phone at home. I was a well-behaved, fairly obedient and very conservative teen, and I know I would have responded this way. Quill didn’t act like any teenager I’ve ever met, which makes the deus ex machina an even poorer plot contrivance.

  408. Droopy Says
    July 30th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#252): MW: Having just now gotten around to reading the Wikipedia article on the Costa Concordia Disaster, as they call it, I have to say that Moy is pretty much straightforward in her story.

    That’s one of Moy’s gifts: to take something that happened and make it seem absurd. (Kind of like Batiuk with the medical incompetence that killed Dead Fucking Lisa, or that souvenir box atop Mount Nowcursedbydeadfuckinglisasmemory.)

  409. Droopy Says
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#237): FC – Billy, skeetos are actually a creation of the Devil. They are the tortured souls of the damned.

    Which means that getting swatted is part of their punishment . . . which means that the Keane Kompound is Hell, and the melonheads are demons. And I’ve only now figured this out?

  410. Anonymous
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#342):

    You almost got it, look at the list: a bag of flour with 3 fragile items, tomatoes, eggs, and light bulbs, add Curtis’ clumsiness from a gangly teenage body and you get comedy gold!! Gold i tell you!!!

  411. Joshua
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#319): Note the skateboard that Curtis is carrying. Barry assumes that Curtis is going to spill all the items Diane asked for while riding his skateboard.

  412. billman
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#397):

    There are existing audio tapes (not sure if video exists) of the program where Hugh had the Grateful Dead on complete with witty banter. Jerry Garcia was actually quite urbane, the others tended toward hooliganism or just plain sarcasm (Phil, I’m looking at you, and winking). Somebody spiked the coffee urn, and not with booze. It got weird.

  413. Mibbitmaker
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#283): Just reiterating my question: if anyone has any advice about what I mentioned in #283. Should I work on a PCK TV Tropes page (the one mentioned in the linked post) to give it content, or is it ethically unsound? Do creators ever work on their own work’s Tropes page?

  414. Vince M
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#414): I heard about that one – had some conversation along the lines of:
    Hugh: And what was the name of that last song?
    Jerry: That was “The Golden Road to Unlimited Devotion.”
    Hugh: Hey, great! Play us another?

  415. Uncle Lumpy
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    9/24/06 – IS THIS THE END OF ALDO?
    7/30/12 – IS THIS THE END OF WILBUR?
    5/28/18 – IS THIS THE END OF IAN?
    3/15/24 – IS THIS THE END OF TOBY?
    1/1/30 – IS THIS THE END OF MARY?

    … and the hundred-year meddle draws gracefully to its close.

  416. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#342): @Anonymous (#412): @Joshua (#413): Well, we’ll place our bets and wait for tomorrow’s strip. Here are the choices:

    (1) he gets the wrong number of items
    (2) he tries carrying them home without a bag
    (3) he somehow can’t handle a fairly small bag of groceries while riding the skateboard he uses on a daily basis and he falls off (but Barry won’t be able to video tape this, since Curtis, being on the skateboard, will be blocks ahead of him)
    (4) he gets eaten by cats
    (5) the grocery clerk says, “So it’s come to this”
    (6) The Aristocrats

  417. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 30th, 2012 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#362): Mitch Miller, not to be confused with Jimi Hendrix drummer Mitch Mitchell. Who passed away two years ahead of Miller. Guess drumming doesn’t have the same effect.

  418. Greg K
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    All Dawn needs to do is grab a grilled cheese sandwich, hold it above the water as she swims, and stay just out of Wilbur’s reach until they reach the island. Wilbur will transcend his physical limitations to chase that sandwich!

  419. tallyHO
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    WHAT IF….?

    Wilbur and Dawn cooperate and take his jacket and make a giant kite? Or maybe take a table cloth from one of the buffet tables and make a kite?

    Then they can sail 100 yards to Freedom. Or, would they sail 100 yards to becoming castaways along with all the others who scrambled to safety and have resorted to cannibalism to survive?

    Anticipation.
    It is making us wait. <– someone told me Bob Dylan said that.

    //jus’ kiddin'

  420. Baka Gaijin
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#388): As an American living outside the US, I get those all the time.

    @Poteet (#406): You’ve been reading the “Reenactment of the Sinking of the Costa Concordia” AKA Mary Worth. It’s enough to make anyone toss their cookies.

  421. pastordan
    July 30th, 2012 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#414): God, that sounds cool.

  422. Dariaclone
    July 31st, 2012 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    I haven’t seen it posted, so if this is a duplicate my apologies. But, here’s the Vanity Fair article on how everything that can go wrong can and might when you are in a cruise with your dad. http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2012/05/costa-concordia-sinking-scandal-italy

  423. Poteet
    July 31st, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    7/31 MT — “Don’t worry, I’ll be careful! My plan is to hope they won’t see me.”

  424. Spiff Bereft
    July 31st, 2012 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn: “But Dad, funny historical sidenote, that nearby island was formerly known as one of the Sandwich Islands and I think if we work together me can swi– where did he go?”

  425. Poteet
    July 31st, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    MW — Why did he let go of the pole? Why WOULD he let go of the pole? And now that he has inexplicably let go of the pole, what will keep him from breaking his neck or some other important part of his spine when he hits the railing? I could understand if he were actually hanging from the pole and couldn’t maintain a grip any longer, but not this. I was willing to overlook the lack of life preservers, the people swan-diving into the water encumbered by suits and shoes, the blithe ignoring of what actually happens in regard to actual lifeboats on actual cruise ships, and the crew members attired like homeless mimes. But now, dammit MW, you’ve gone too far.

  426. Poteet
    July 31st, 2012 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    MW — Also, what the hell is going on in the left edge of the first panel? Is that an arm? A giant ear? Part of a mutant oceanic pink praying mantis? What?

  427. Droopy Says
    July 31st, 2012 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: Dynamite? Get real, officer who is too idiotic to shoot a felon who has just disobeyed a stupidly-phrased order to freeze and has thrown something potentially lethal at you. That red stick is almost clearly labelled TNT, which is quite different from dynamite.

    Creepy Les: Take a hike!

    FC: Thanks to the rampant childhood obesity in the Keane Kompound, Jeffy realizes he can only qualify for one specific competition.

    Mock Trail: “Rusty took Mark’s camera lens?” Cherry thinks. “Did he remember to take a camera, too? Because I don’t think any of Mark’s professional photographic equipment is compatible with that toy camera we gave Rusty for Christmas–oh, no, Rusty is going to use it to hit the bad mens over the head! Doc, I think Rusty is in trouble!”

    Jugs Parker: “Dinner will be ready when you are.” That may take a while, Peaches, because Sam and Avarice are both half-baked.

    Mary Mirthless: “Dad, that island is Aeaea! Swim for it and look for Circe! Maybe she’ll change you back from a pig!”

    Pluggers: In Pluggerspeak, “Classic” means that today’s suggestions were so pathetic that Brookins went for a repeat.

  428. Droopy Says
    July 31st, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#425): Wilbut lost his grip because the ship rolled so suddenly that the pole struck him in the head. I should be surprised that Wilbur’s head didn’t leave a huge dent in the pipe, but what’s one more error here?

  429. Poteet
    July 31st, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#428): If that’s true, Omniscient Narrator should have jolly well said so instead of focusing on Wilbur losing his balance, which would not at all necessitate his letting go of the pole. Also, Wilbur should have said “OUCH!” rather than “AUGGH!” This is just careless writing, is what it is.

    I must admit that Dawn looks pretty durn good in that first panel, however. Terror seems to have enlarged her ta-tas.

  430. Poteet
    July 31st, 2012 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#427): Yeah, S-M has pretty much the worst police ever. They could be featured in training manuals of what not to do.

  431. Droopy Says
    July 31st, 2012 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#429): I think Down’s tits look so outstanding because the artist has finally figured out gravity and perspective. Not mastered the concepts, but at least realized there are time when they should figure prominently.

    Meanwhile I am still chuckling over the implied threat in the JP dinner invitation. Enjoy the Cianti, boys, you and dinner will be ready at precisely the same moment!

  432. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    July 31st, 2012 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    Mary Worthless: Between yesterday and today, Dawn and the Wilb have changed positions round the pole, and Dawn has evidently taken a heavy dose of tranquillisers (going by her expression in Panel Two). Meanwhile, in the background, the wild dancing continues.

    Spider Ban: Clown 9 carries a lit stick of dynamite in his pants. I’ve heard of dick jokes, but…

    A3G: Tommie wants a baby. I wrote that, looked at it, wondered what was wrong with me, and then let it stand anyway. Tommie wants a baby! More babies, mule!

    Bittle Belly: Beetle is going to get eaten. Sarge is going to eat Beetle. The Great Coming Out progresses.

    Blindie: I’m glad I’m not British.

    Curtis: Curtis would win any world skateboarding championship for people with elephantiasis pf the feet.

    Hagar the Insufferable: Helga thinks sex slavery is OK under the Geneva Conventions.

    Hocked lorns: Leroy is an inflatable doll. Explains a lot, really.

  433. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 31st, 2012 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: I have this vague recollection that McE once threw a hissy fit after someone described his fairies and succubi as “naked” and made some assertion that the colors and patterns on them weren’t skin but some sort of covering. So much for that!

  434. Droopy Says
    July 31st, 2012 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    @Windier E. Megatons (#5): Yester-FC– Look at the trash can at the edge of the panel. I’d say this is a very old recycled frame, probably from the early Sixties. Billy and Dowwy are sitting outside because air conditioning is not yet common in suburban homes, and it feels cooler out of doors. Jeffy is probably inside, watching an oscillating fan as it goes back and fortrh, back and forth . . . Meanwhile Bil and Thel are changing PJ’s diapers as quickly as possible. Dreading the effects of opening the used diaper bag in this heat, they’re desperately hoping that the diaper service guy shows up on time tomorrow, and wishing that someone would hurry up and invent disposable diapers.

  435. Charly
    July 31st, 2012 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    @17

    Cassandra Cat has accused Muhammad Manatee of brutally beating her in Tahrir Square. Muhammad insists he’a innocent. How does Slylock know he’s telling the truth? (A: as part of the puppet state dictator’s military, Slylock personally got a raise for cutting off Cassandra’s Twitter. Life is brutal, kids.)

  436. Comcis Fan
    July 31st, 2012 at 4:51 am [Reply]

    It’s not too late for an inflatable promotion sandwich to save Wilbur.

  437. John C Fremont
    July 31st, 2012 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    A3G – Uh-oh. Rick doesn’t like Tommie’s but.

    MW – That must be some swingin’ cruise. Even as the ship goes down, that couple on the left is still doing the Frug. Or maybe the Batusi. They probably have the Doodletown Pipers on the ship’s PA. Groovy, man.

  438. Shrug
    July 31st, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#y389):

    Yes, I remember Jack Douglas, but from reading his books; I don’t think I ever saw him on MIKE DOUGLAS (not a show I watched — Dick Cavett was the only talk show host I can recall viewing on anything other than a random channel flip basis).

    Hey, I recall Charlie Weaver from reading his books also rather than from seeing him on JACK PAAR (which, come to think of it, I did also watch regularly for a while).

    I’m another old codger, obviously. Maybe we all need a secret word to identify ourselves to each other. How about “Serutan”?

  439. Turtle
    July 31st, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    I like to think the Keane children aren’t trying to hit mosquitoes but, instead, are beating themselves for questioning God’s will.

  440. kris
    July 31st, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    wilbur will fall into the sea, hit his head and lose his memory.. dawn will think he died and go back home to morn his death. wilbur will be found by some widowed goat herder and live with her for MONTHS.. he will have flashbacks but be unable to remember when suddenly!!!! his memory will return.. etc/etc/etc….

  441. gbeenie
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    BTW, Weird Hole of Pomo Irony is the name of my Decemberists cover band.

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