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Tragic doomed love Wednesday

Herb and Jamaal, 8/1/12

Herb’s mother-in-law Eula, who both lives and works with him, is always on his case, constantly. One could write this off as just part of the eternal conflict between a mother-in-law and her child’s spouse, or, perhaps more accurately, as a tired, stereotypical retreading of the supposedly eternal conflict between a mother-in-law and her child’s spouse. Or, as today’s strip demonstrates, it could be that she’s terrified by Herb’s obvious emotional and sexual connection to his “best buddy Jamaal,” and will do anything to distract him from it, in the vain hope that she can keep her family together.

Lockhorns, 8/1/12

Call the Lockhorns hackneyed if you must, but it can still take us to depths of relationship hell that we never imagined existed. I mean, just think if you were at a place in your marriage when you thought, “God, I wish we had gotten that murder-suicide pact nailed down when the time was right. But what’s the point, now?”

Marvin, 8/1/12

It’s Marvin’s 30th anniversary, and from this day forward, I will no longer think of him as a horrible brat-child glorying in his inability or refusal to poop in a toilet. Instead, I will pity him as a victim of a capricious creator who for whatever perverse reason delights in forcing him to stew in his own excrement.

Shoe, 8/1/12

You may be alarmed to learn that Shoe is having sex with his golf clubs. Personally, I’m even more unsettled to discover that he’s getting emotionally attached to some of them.

322 responses to “Tragic doomed love Wednesday”

  1. Sock Puppet
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    “I thought you’d NEVER get here!”
    Spider-Man: “You’ll be sorry I did!”

    Ah, every Spider-Man strip plot ever, distilled perfectly into one panel. I’m just surprised at how frankly they admit it.

  2. Liam
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MW-It looks like one of the passengers is trying to push Wilbur into the water.

  3. Tal
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Is it jus me or is everyone both bored and running from the theater in Lockhorns? Should’ve watched something more exciting like Dark Knight Rises instead.

  4. Mumblix Grumph
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    SHOE: At first I was going to comment on the absurdity of talking to golf clubs…but then I realized that it’s an anthropomorphic bird playing golf while wearing a hat and smoking a fucking cigar. We’re through the looking glass here, people.

  5. S. Stout
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Luann: Tiffany makes a good point. Sandra Bullock, who won an Oscar for The Blind Side, was crowned ‘Worst Actress of The Year’ in All About Steve. She can only do what the writer/director tells her to do.

    (remembering we’re supposed to hate her) Erm…yeah Tiffany, you stupid bitch, do what Luann does! Luann is doing all the right things with her life and you are a huge failure! Boo! Hiss!

    Marvin: Marvin’s been around for 30 years? Sweet Jesus. Maybe it was funnier back in the early years though, like Garfield.

  6. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    The Norm: Not sure which friend is supposed to use the crowbar. Is it to pry more words from the laconic diner, or is it to beat in the head of of the prying guy with no life who has to hear every detail of yours and won’t leave you in peace to eat?

    Ziggy: And I’m having a similar problem trying to figure out whose intelligence is being insulted in Ziggy. Is it the cat, who thinks by printing, “Not a mouse hole” above the mouse hole that the mouse will get fooled into staying in the living room where it will be easier to catch? Or is it the mouse who thinks by printing, “Not a mouse hole” above the mouse hole that the cat will look elsewhere and leave him alone? (Or is this all just some kind of tribute to René Magritte?)

  7. nescio
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Today’s Lockhorns answers the unasked question “How would the Lockhorns look from the perspective of a drunk laying in the gutter?”

  8. Perky Bird
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Look at all those angry-looking theater patrons practically storming out of the theater. “What’s with that prologue that gave away the entire plot of the play! It completely ruined the dramatic tension for me! I’m going to go give that Will Shakespeare fellow a piece of my mind!”

  9. pugfuggly
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    H&J “at NBA training camp”. Hear that, haters? Herb’s man is going to be in the NBA, make millions and finally give Herb the basketballer’s wife lifestyle he deserves!

    Marvin Ugh, don’t turn that sheet over, Tom. I think Marvin might have ‘illustrated’ the back for you.

    ASM I see that Spidey is going to do a little warm-up embarrassment with a few lame comebacks before the real humiliation when he’s defeated with a novelty fly-swatter or something.

    MT Wow, Cherry deals with a problem is a very thorough way. While most parents would just say “OH NO, MY CHILD MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE!” and rush out the door, Cherry walks herself through a crisis slowly, so she can identify the exact nature of the hazard a full description of her plan to anyone present. Some might say it’s just her meticulous nature, I suspect it’s actually brain damage from the methamphetamine Doc seems to be cooking up…

  10. Irrischano
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    I won’t believe it’s the 30th anniversary of Marvin until they pan down to show all the empty liquor bottles that have surely filled the creator’s studio to near-capacity.

  11. Clint Brawny
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Marvin: thirty years of this crap?!

  12. Cloudbuster
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Cow and Boy: I grew up in the age when Jarts were considered an appropriate children’s toy! It was a better, vanished time!

  13. Dennis Jimenez
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Shoe – Um, just thinking about the possible physiology, I’d say the club would have to have been having sex with him. I’m getting pretty creeped out thinking I might see the thing at a yard sale and choke-up on on it with the ol’ inter-locking grip – I mean knowing where it’s been – YUCK!!!

  14. nescio
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    MW: It’s obvious that passengers from different life boats will compete to have Wilbur on board, his flesh would keep the rest of the boat nourished for weeks.

  15. pugfuggly
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @Tal (#3):

    (after TDKR)

    “See? If I had stayed a bachelor, I could have been a millionaire crime-fighter by now! God I hate you, woman.”

  16. Pozzo
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: I think Loretta is just thankful they didn’t go to see “Othello.”

  17. McManx
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy — OMG, they’ve brought back the Moon Maid. Why does that not surprise me?

    Marvin — The only thing more disturbing than the thought of Marvin sitting around for 30 years in a dirty diaper, is that the strip “Marvin” has survived for 30 years of dirty diaper jokes.

    Gil Thorp — Well, I nailed it yesterday — Molly called the guy out for his appearance. What I didn’t foresee is that he would actually try to do something about it.

    Mark Trail — Goddammit. After all that build up of Wilbur as a semi-heroic figure, it turns out he’s the same old pathetic klutz we’ve seen for years. Whew, indeed.

  18. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Luann -Yep, still not buying it.

    Loathe as I am to disagree with the lovely and sagacious Crystal, I don’t see Luann’s “Maybe after I finish High School I’ll take some acting classes down at the Community College, or something” as being more realistic and practical than Tiffany’s “apply for jobs, work on set for actual productions, make connections that can help me get roles” approach.

    If Evans wants us to buy this, he needs to show Luann taking acting classes now, down at the community college. She should be participating in improv workshops, reading up on film production, etc.

    Or, he could take the easy way out I suggested yesterday, and just rename the strip “Tiffany”. Then we could have fun mocking Luann’s expectation that she can suddenly become a successful actress because she took a class over at the community college.

    I saw a movie the other day about women attending community college who were hoping to break into show business. They did make it in front of the camera, but I don’t think the role or the production was exactly what they had in mind.

  19. Cloudbuster
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    FW: That … that thing in the last panel, it’s the smug to end all smugs. He’s actually proud of annoying the hell out of everyone with bad puns all the way up and down Kilimanjaro. I’m going to have to view old FW in a totally new way. If he was like that back then, he totally deserved every time he got stuffed in that locker.

  20. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    ASM – Yes, Spidey, now that you are here the fun is definitely over, and we will soon all be sorry you showed up. The proportional buzz-kill ability of a spider, and all that.

  21. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Time for a little Meta-Pomo-Snark before leaving for work:

    AYP: And another mysterious young man moves into the building! Let’s see, whose turn is it to fall madly in love for six months, then get her heart broken? I think it’s going to be Mara… Lara… Kara… Tara… uh… you know who I mean, the dull one.

    BH: Brilliant. Why isn’t Bentley’s Hollow in more papers? [looks askance at MoM, YOG, and Caldecott] Oh, yeah, right.

    BFD: The new neighbors are named Mac and Pip? Let me guess… Macintosh and Pippin Apple? I so hope I’m not right about this, but deep inside I know I am.

    BRB: FAX MACHINES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! (also, it’s 2012… and you’re doing a fax machine joke? Really?)

    CtC: Again with the stock-art goon squad in panel 2? I’m starting to think Harbor City’s real criminal masterminds is the Cut-N-Paste Gang, who every few months recruit another hapless “mastermind” to front their latest scheme. (That would explain why every scheme is similarly ridiculously conceived and ineptly executed.)

    Dr.Q: And day 2 of Cousin Butch Watch continues.

    EoP: Okay, Greene, listen here. There are a lot of characters on the comics page whose main personality feature is “incompetent asshole” — Crankshaft, Crock, Garfield, Dagwood’s boss, everyone in Funky Winkerbean — but here’s the thing you haven’t noticed: none of them are funny. Take a lesson.

    Littleton: What the WHAT?! Did he just say… ohhhhhh. “He FLICKED me in the ear.” I guess every cartoonist has to learn not to use that word in an all-caps font someday.

    TF: I don’t get it. Is it because he has big feet?

  22. Dawn
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#5): No, no, actually. It wasn’t. Poop jokes, all the way down.

  23. Sue D. Nymme
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Now I can’t get it out of my head, the image of a thirty-year-old jobless cretin, lounging around the house in diapers while his mother cleans up all his messes.

  24. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Note to Darkgate Users – Click on the cartoon that didn’t update, then click the magnifying glass at the site that opens up.

    I’m still going through the funny page, but thought this might help somebody.

  25. Dennis Jimenez
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#16): Hostel IV – The Glue Factory (cuz Loretta is such a nag)….

  26. LaziestManOnMars
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    I would love to see cartoon Stephan Pastis take on cartoon Tom Armstrong in a battle to the death.

  27. geekwhisperer
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    MW The frown on Ginger #2 in the second panel is priceless. It’s as if to say to his friend, “Couldn’t you at least save someone with taste?”

  28. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MW: Wait, so Wilber is not going to fall overboard while Dawn looks on in horror, hand to face, as her father sinks like a high-cholesterol stone? Well, with any luck, Grouchy McPinkshirt will now beat him to death.

    A3G: Tommie is on her way to her new career as “Tommie the Pinhead.”

    JP: Say, has Bubba tried to buy Avery’s camera for $500 yet? Then again, a tactic that didn’t work on Rusty Trail probably won’t work on a sentient human.

  29. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Robin Stinson (#y327): My thought exactly! (At least we’re spared the version in which the melonhead takes on the iconic Mark Spitz pose!)

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#y338): Yes, and little details such as Satchel sleeping under his bed (such a doggie thing to do) keep me coming back, too.

  30. Weaselboy
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    MW: Gesundheit, Wilbur!

  31. Hibbleton
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    A3G: Is Rick’s sudden inflation in panel 2 supposed to be a metaphor for an erection?

    MW: That angry looking guy to the left thinks his partner is getting a little too friendly with Wilbur, grabbing his wrist and then his upper arm. “All right! That’s enough saving!”

    MT: Welcome to Fifties’ Sci-Fi theater as Cherry goes to save Rusty while Doc furiously searches for the formula to shrink the giant, mutant otters. The poachers get their comeuppance by being eaten by the beasts just at they aim their guns at Rusty. Along the way, Cherry gets caught in a bramble bush which she can only escape by taking off her jeans.

  32. Esther Blodgett
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    FW: So this entire storyline was literally “they climb up a mountain and go back down and the kitten wasn’t a big deal and Les really did make dumb puns every day as promised and one guy was cold.” There’s more dramatic tension in one of Marvin’s used diapers than in Batiuk’s WRITING.

    Bizarro: I think I see a new career path for me.

    Pluggers: Pluggers need to watch 9 to 5 and realize there’s a whole world of empowerment, weed, and rat poison open to them.

  33. Rob
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Wow, Lockhorns reminded me of this old song:

    Sleeping under a table in a roadside park a man could wake up dead/
    But it sure seems warmer than it did sleeping in our king size bed

  34. Gabacho
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – I wanted so badly for Wilbur to die heroically while saving Dawn and maybe that little girl who appeared in one panel last week crying “Mama” but who appears to have already been thrown overboard. It would have given Wilbur’s life meaning, been an interesting twist in the plot, and maybe have made Dawn realize how self centered and dull she is.

    But it’s not to be. Instead Wilbur will be saved solely as a plot device to give support to Mary’s recent Dear Wendy columns where she points out that even though people suck and abandon the needy in normal times, in crisis sometimes they help.

    Dawn, Wilbur even Dave and the unseen Giorgio, their lives mean nothing but for Mary, her heart will go on and on and on and on…

    And just in case anyone is wondering, the whole women and children first, and the selfless behavior of Brits on a sinking ship, complete bunk. Check out this story published today: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/captains-crew-men-maritime-disasters-swedish-study-sinks-notion-chivalry-sea-article-1.1125945 from today.

  35. Shrug
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @George the Archon (#y101):

    Re B.C.:
    “There is a theory that the discovery of a bible in an underground library proves that the strip is actually set in the aftermath of an atomic-war.”

    There’s also the point that some strips involve puns that only work in English, proving the cave people must be speaking English and not Cavepeoplish.

    (I had the same problem with a STAR TREK episode once where the alleged point involved the ambiguity of the aliens who claimed to worship the Sun and/or the Son. Uh, it probably wasn’t ambigious in High Middle BEMishspeak, all I’m saying…)

  36. Droopy Says
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Jugs Parker: That look of petulant indignation on Avery’s face is perfect. I hope that this October I can find a pumpkin shaped like his head, so I can carve that expression on it. Why, yes, my tricks do traumatize a lot of children every Halloween. Don’t yours?

  37. Señor Tortilla
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Marvin: And today is the 20th anniversary of the U.S. release of Mario Paint…

    GT: Wow, it’s like a different mirror. The first side has “Scruffy” looking panicked and sweating and he tries to groom himself with only a pair of scissors in his one hand. The other side has him smiling back without much of a care in the world.

    More snark coming soon.

  38. TheDiva
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: So this is what happens when impulsive, hormone-crazed teenagers with poor communication don’t commit suicide, I guess?

    Marvin: So this strip has just been an extended, perversely scatological version of Duck Amuck.

  39. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Oop – “Sacrifice ya for it!” “You’re ON!”

  40. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#35):

    “I had the same problem with a STAR TREK episode once where the alleged point involved the ambiguity of the aliens who claimed to worship the Sun and/or the Son. Uh, it probably wasn’t ambigious in High Middle BEMishspeak, all I’m saying”

    Those were the aliens who based their society on a 20th century version of the Roman Empire, so the pun only has to work in Latin. Sic transit gloria mundi.

  41. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Snuffy – Don’t ya fret none, Lureen. That mule’s a male, and he looks tall enuff… if yo’re lyin’ down. Yak! Yak!

  42. TheSilentG
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns:

    Is it just me, or are the three people in the background breaking into some sort of spontaneous street performance? They’re all striking the exact same pose, as if the drawing captured a moment from some Business Casual interpretive dance. Going by their expression of soullessness and defeat on their faces, I suspect it’s some sort of post-modern metaphor for the evil of corporations and conglomerates, for they have become our prisons, and their customary attire the shackles that bind us.

    In any case, the Lockhorns shouldn’t leave so soon. They should catch this bonus performance, and spare themselves a few precious minutes before returning to their life of matrimonial hell.

  43. Hogenmogen
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#14): “Nourished for weeks” ??

    The trip is 100 yards. That’s time for a cup of coffee.

  44. Longhorn
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Marvin: ….and to think, thirty years of comics pages could have been salvaged with a bottle of Kaopectate and/or a strategically placed cork.

  45. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Beetle – And a thousand horny fanboys run to the Urban Dictionary to see if “FOOM” means “hot army lesbo action.”

  46. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    (it doesn’t)

  47. Longhorn
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#45):

    “Don’t ask, don’t smell”

  48. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Brewster – Maybe Winky will fare better tomorrow at Olympic Figure Hockey.

  49. Marc
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- Oh thank God the Weasley twins were there to save Wilbur from that horrible fate of getting wet.

    Mark Trail- If the Trail clan didn’t live in The Village and were aware of 21st century technology, Cherry would probably have some sort of ATV at her disposal to go out and look for that mutant dunce.

    A3G- It’s a good thing that Bolle/Shulock always write “kiss” up in the air somewhere. I can never remember what’s going on or what it’s called when somone puts their lips on somebody else, so it’s a good

    9CL- Since the invention of the timepiece, the checking of the watch has been an invaluable method of telling time. However it tends not to work when you aren’t actually wearing a watch.

    Funky- What an insufferable douche.

    Snuffy- OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!?! That furry horned creature is not a mule that’s for damn sure.

    Luann- Really, you heard about Luann wanting to take drama at the community college? From who, Luann herself while you were snickering about how shitty the movie Tiffany was actually apart of was?

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Lio: best spiky monster sad face ever?

    SBp: is about dogs sniffing dogbutts.

    MG&G: ok, that’s better even than corgis!

    Retail: start documenting the harassment, Courtney.

  51. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . jilling one out before the date.

  52. Shrug
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#y253):

    Also, the dynamite can’t go off until Clown-9 and the police go through a couple of rounds of the “It’s Clown season!” “It’s Police season!” schtick.

  53. gleeb
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Mark: I think “Rusty’s in trouble” is a safe assumption, note or no note.

  54. Dartpaw86
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Shoe should take a lesson from his golf clubs. Hit on birdies.

  55. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Fred – Failure to walk a 40kg basset hound will soon be “dereliction of doody.”

  56. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#51): Huh. I thought love was farting in the tub.

  57. Sequitur
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    note for Baka Gaijin:

    Today I was in the coffee room when I heard two gals talking. The first gal was talking about setting up a birthday party for her daughter. The second gal asked if the 1st gal was going to get any evil clowns for the birthday party. The first gal answered that she had considered it until her daughter told her mother “You better not have any clowns at my party. If you do I’ll disown you and have to beat you up.”

    The youth know.

  58. TheDiva
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    9CL: Okay, now this is getting ridiculous.

    C’shaft: No really, you people need to look into a nursing home. Or better yet, a prison.

    FW: Well, congratulations Les. You managed to ruin the trip of a lifetime for absolutely everybody. Well done.

    Luann: Ah, of course Luann is better because she wants to be in the theatah as opposed to mere film. Because as we all know, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is innately superior to the Dark Knight Saga. Also, Tiffany acknowledges the contributions of writers and production staff to the quality of a movie, which is hardly the behavior of a self-centered prima donna.

    MT: So, we’re just going to keep sending people off into danger until Mark comes back, huh?

    MW: Guy in Fuschia Shirt: “Dammit, Carl, we could have used his bloated body as a flotation device!”

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “Look mommy, I can use the ‘thesaurus’ function in Office!”

    Pluggers are at the bottom of the lowest totem poles.

    SM: Fun’s over, Spider-Man’s here and you’ll be sorry he is. Yep, sounds about right.

  59. StrangeRover
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    MW: Meanwhile on a very special Mary Worth, Wilbur is saved by Adam and Steve.

  60. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Hägar – “Where did you put your list of things to remember?”
    “I ate it! Because I am a stupid Viking with a dopey hat! Hö hö! I am obese!”

  61. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Momma – “Only she didn’t say Dog…”

  62. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @Robin Stinson (#327): There’s my first comment of the day to be shot down in flames! My only regret is that I liked my title, “Repurposed Family Comic.”

  63. Joshua
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#35): Why are the cave people holding their Olympics in (possibly postapocalyptic) London using the “2012″ logo of the current Olympics? Whatever year they are in, it’s unlikely to be 2012.

  64. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#5): Marvin’s been around for 30 years? Sweet Jesus. Maybe it was funnier back in the early years though, like Garfield.
    Almost exactly like, if you look at the drawing. He even followed the same physical evolution, starting out obese and eventually being neotenized into the same head-to-body ratio and the same gigantic, lazy-lidded eyes. Marfield.

  65. Shrug
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#y320):

    “I really need to figure out the timing here. Half the time I’m posting before anyone else is on; the other half I’m coming in at the end of the last inning.”

    You could be very valuable to any baseball pitching contigent, having the dual ability to be both a spot starter and a reliable closer.

    Me, I’m more of a utility infielder.

  66. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

  67. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#12): I remember one year when my incredibly accident-prone cousins were given a set of lawn darts. I think that’s when I knew their dad was trying to kill them.

  68. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#38): So this strip has just been an extended, perversely scatological version of Duck Amuck.
    Since Marfield looks like a homicidal plastic toy and smells like an open sewer, perhaps it should be called Mucky Chucky.

  69. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Longhorn (#47): Don’t ask, don’t smell
    A fitting reaction to most Marvin strips, actually.

  70. Mibbitmaker
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids up
    This just in…..

    And now, the comics their creators are actually getting paid for…

    A3G:
    “Rick… why is ‘Pictures of Matchstick Men’ playing on your console?”
    “…Status Quo…”
    “Yep. That makes sense…”

    9CL: Brooke, you’re a jerk.

    Luann: IT’S ABOUT TIME!

    Glibporn: That’s also the code of the Burber, is it not?

    MW: Is Mary herself writing the captions now?

    JP: Hey, he’s ruining their perfect perfection!
    I really like her.

    RMMD: So that’s why he married June! I knew it couldn’t be any of that heterosexual stuff.

    FW: she knows. She knows what an unfunny, cruel jerk her dad is!
    A variation on something said upthread: If one reads the 40 years of FW generally in reverse, Les indeed is shown deserving the crap he gets put through in the Good 20 Years. Read forwards works, too: It shows how the (wonderfully quirky) job of policing the hallways with a machine gun and military garb made Les a hardened ball of obnoxious (not quirky, nor wonderful).

  71. Elk Meadow
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#17):

    DT: Moon Maid! Moon Maid!!! Moon Maid!!!!!

  72. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

  73. CanuckDownSouth
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    If this is Evans actually on his game, please end the strip now.

    His attempt to show Tiffany as an unrealistic attention-mongering no-talent wannabe just doesn’t work, because no matter how many times he gets her to say that she wants to just get discovered and doesn’t think she needs to work on her acting, she actually goes and works – even at the bottom of the totem pole. Yes, her attitude is lousy, but she’s a teen and popular culture extols the “just discovered natural” tale. Meanwhile, Luann actually thinks that the only reason she can’t just go to Julliard is because it’s expensive. They’re both doing high school drama, but Tiffany also gets out and does small bits of pageantry or this whatever-it-was role. They’re both deluded (again, they’re teens), but who’s less realistic?

  74. Alex
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Still, it was nice of Herb to tell us that Jamal is his best buddy. Otherwise, it could be anyone he’s talking about, from Uruguayan president Jose Mujica to former Pixies frontman Frank Black. But don’t worry. He’s talking about Jamal.

  75. debussy fields
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MW–Someone please put a bag over Dawn’s head.

  76. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Baka Gaijin’s medical nightmare. (as heard on NPR, nsfbg.)

  77. Mibbitmaker
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    (me @ #70): No… she’s ruining their perfect perfection! (note irony)

  78. nescio
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#43): My mind is not retaining the minutiae of the latest Mary Worth plot. Thank goodness.

  79. Droopy Says
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#40): The Trek pun doesn’t work in Latin, though. “Sun” is “sol” and “son” is “filius.” You can’t decline the words to make them sound even vaguely alike.

  80. MWDG
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    MW: God I hope tomorrow that we get to see the large urine stain on the front of Wilbur’s Dockers.

  81. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#72): I saw a corgi in some tall grass on our walk this morning (correction: I saw the top 1/4 of a corgi in some tall grass this morning) and thought of you!

  82. Uncle Lumpy
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#75):

    Someone please put a bag over Dawn’s head.

    That is a bag; it’s just outmatched.

  83. pugfuggly
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @MWDG (#80):

    We’ll be extremely lucky if we only see the front side of those dockers…

  84. AndyL
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    If Shoe was anywhere near the green we could probably assume this strip had an innocent meaning.

  85. kingklash
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    I understand and view comic strips as each existing in a seperate continuum, with even it’s own set of physical laws and behaviors, and enjoy the ones I read on it’s own merits as the characters deal with the universe they are born in. But even with the conceit that some strips are aware of their status as ink and paper/ones and zeros, the idea Marvin actually does not have a full-diaper fetish that fuels his darksome ways has shaken my entire perspective of the comic page.

  86. hillvalley
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    NBA training camp? What are you saying Herb? Future readers of your comical exploits aren’t going to know the NBA from the NRA, possibly. I think what you meant to say was “professional-level basketball organization”. Geez, no wonder you’re lost without Jamaal.

  87. The Ridger
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#40): It didn’t have to be ambiguous in the original at all. The UT was saying “Son” when it translated filius (assuming they really spoke Latin) but Uhura & Co heard “Sun”.

    What I always loved about the UT (besides the notion that Deep Structure really was “universal”) was how it knew when not to translate a word. Like, say, qapla. If it means “success”, how come whenever the Klingons yelled it it came across as qapla? Crazy, man.

  88. GeoGreg
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    MT: “Doc, our river otter god has spoken! Those poachers are photo shy; I’m going to saddle up and ride after Rusty. There are cold PANCAKES in the fridge.”

    BC: Ants don’t have very complex nervous systems, thus their opinions about each other are fluid.

  89. flatsixes
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    MT: I may be reading too much into today’s strip, but I’m guessing that after Cherry saddles the horse, its taut, power frame rhythmically rippling with glistening muscle, she’s going to mount the beast and ride with abandon through the untamed virgin wilderness. Oh, Mark! Where art thou?

  90. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#79):

    I decline to even make the effort!

    Whether you worship the Sun or the Son is irrelevant, you are still violating at least four different commandments by not reserving your loyalty and tithing exclusively to the Lord, Thy God.

  91. Doctor Handsome
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    It’s a simile, you hateful old bitch.

  92. Poteet
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#Y333): Thank you! Yay, I’m able to see comics again. I don’t understand why that one passenger is so furious that Wilbur has been saved, but of course I’ve never been on a cruise with him. Maybe half the passengers are hoping he’ll drown.

  93. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#81): d’aaaWWWwww!

    *wigglez in glee*

  94. NoahSnark
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Mark the calendar – after thirty years of trying today is the day schadenfreude finally made Marvin funny.

  95. Perky Bird
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Since Shoe is an anthropomorphic bird-beast, maybe he should start seeing other Pluggers.

  96. Mooncattie
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    MT – I initially read this as “I’m going to straddle a horse”, and now I can’t stop laughing. It would make a great last panel comment for every comic ever!

  97. Doctor Handsome
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    By “other putters,” does Shoe just mean other clubs? Ones he might reasonably hit from the tee with? I’m just trying to decide if he’s more in need of a caddy or a girlfriend.

  98. The Ridger
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#97): Shoe’s going to switch to the belly, aka long putter. It won’t help his putting, but it will make him look (more) ridiculous.

  99. The Ridger
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    MT: Do you suppose Rusty took Mark’s camera, too, or just his “camera lens”? I mean seriously, who the hell would write “I’ve taken Mark’s camera lens”?

  100. Gringo
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    A&J: I don’t get it. WHat do steaming piles of poo have to do with steamy August?

  101. un malpaso
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    re Marvin: I don’t know, after 30 years I bet anyone would get used to poopy diapers. Especially as fecal-centric a person as Marvin.

  102. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#91): All similes are metaphors, though not the reverse. How useful is the distinction?

  103. Doctor Handsome
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Leroy does a nice job of casually dropping that line like it’s an off-the-cuff response to what he just saw, even though he’s almost certainly had that one locked and loaded for 40 years or so.

  104. Dood
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Herb and Jamaal: Kill me now for wondering this, but what does Jamaal do “away at NBA training camp”? What is his profession, anyway?

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#99): This seems to imply, or indeed, require, that Rusty has his own camera, with it’s own, general purpose, lens. He has borrowed Mark’s presumably better, or more specialized lens.

    Yes. It is an odd locution these days. I wonder when this story originally ran?

  106. Dood
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Shoe: I don’t get it. Do putters have a cloaca?

  107. Dood
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): Did he borrow the hobo dildo lens, the one Mark used when observing neighbor Frank’s ill-fated game hunt/run for governor?

  108. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#104): Jamaal, as I understand it, is a former NBA player. I’m guessing he regularly goes to the training camp to assist in the hazing rituals.

    // They must have hazing rituals, right?

  109. Joshua
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#104): Yes, why is Jamaal at NBA training camp? I thought he had retired from professional basketball before the strip began.

  110. Doctor Handsome
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    “No one asked you, Eula! My homoerotic musings were directed toward… OK, it’s unclear who I was supposed to be talking to, but fuck off!”

  111. Gringo
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    FW: There was an Ebola outbreak recently in East Africa, and somehow it missed Les. Life is brutal.

  112. Joshua
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    H&J: Looking at the earlier strips this week doesn’t help answer my question. Jamaal was with Herb in both of the other strips, neither of which mentioned him going to NBA training camp. Besides, NBA training camp begins in late September in most years, not early August.

  113. Gringo
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: Celebrating 30 years of the same ol’ crap.

  114. Dood
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#108): Thanks, I did look up Herb and Jamaal on Wikipedia and found what has to be one of the briefer entries:

    Herb and Jamaal is a comic strip by Stephen Bentley syndicated by Creators Syndicate. It is published daily and centers on the eponymous friends, inspired by the illustrator’s experience at a high school reunion.

  115. Liam
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    MT-Damnit, woman! How many times have I told you don’t interrupt me when I am making meth. I mean rock candy. Sweet sweet rock candy.

  116. The Ridger
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): Indeed. I can’t see Rusty with a DSLR (or even SLR), so I can’t see how Mark’s lens will help him any.

  117. Eli
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    I’m really lichen Wilbur’s jacket.

  118. The Ridger
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#112): Perhaps Jamaal is just lying to Herb? It’s not like Herb is smart enough to catch on.

  119. Gringo
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Crystal: “I am completely out of arguments.”

    So now would be a perfect time to shut your piehole, you harridan.

  120. TheDiva
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#73): Ten years from now, Tiffany will be working in movies (even if it is only as a day player) while Luann won’t even be able to get community theater parts because the other amateur performers are sick of hearing about how she was this close to attending Julliard and being a big Broadway star.

  121. pastordan
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#6): Re: Marvin: What was that you said the other day about the action being right in itself, or because God declares it right? The question reaches its height in the story of Abraham and Isaac. Or here, one of them.

  122. Gringo
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#57): Reading your post, this popped into mind:

    In the room the women come and go
    Speaking of Clarabell-ee-oh

  123. Jason D.
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Today’s unseen second “Family Circus” panel”:

    “Like, all that weed gave me the munchies though, man. Could you bring me some Cheetos?”

  124. Gringo
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#75): MW–Someone please put a bag over Dawn’s head.

    Dave already did that. That’s how she and Wilbur ended up in this predicament.

  125. Little Guy
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Keep going through your checklist of rebuttals, Evans. Saying and not showing doesn’t cut it.

  126. Gringo
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#112): Also, all the top NBA players are over in London, playing against the cavemen from B.C., so it’s pretty obvious there are no NBA camps going on right now.

  127. Joe Btfsplk
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Shoe is like two hundred yards from the flag, and he pulls out his putter. Sure, he’s a pervert, but you gotta admit that’s some badass golfing right there.

  128. The Ghost of Jarrod
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Everyone knows your local community college is a direct pipeline to Broadway.

    JP: You dumb bastard, that fish will put any damn thing in its mouth!

    PBS: Tradition!

    MW: I’m pretty strong, but there’s no way I could pull Wilbur back onto a listing boat by myself, simply by grabbing his wrist. Still, I’m glad he didn’t die, because his green-checked-blazer-and-tan-pants combo deserves to live forever.

    MT: I’d make a joke about Mark being off having an affair with Kelly Welly, but we all know that Mark doesn’t have sex.

  129. Chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#12): No lie, my cousin Wayne and I would start playing Jarts the proper way until one of us got pissed or felt goofy and then the jarts would start flying back and forth at each other. One time a jart stuck right in my sternum, sticking straight out. It hurt like hell, but we were still on the ground laughing.

  130. btown
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#104): hint: NBA is a coded contraction of NAMBLA

  131. Chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    I knew it, I just knew it. Wilbur booked them on Gay Bear Cruise, where he is considered a sex god. Look at all them handsome mens who were Johnny on the spot to save him. I guarantee they would have let Dawn drop right into the drink.

  132. flug
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    MW – Uh, maybe this isn’t the best time to bring this up, but someone has posted the infamous “Mary Worthless” sketch from the Carol Burnett show on Youtube. Worth a watch.

    Supposedly it was planned as an recurring series but during the dress rehearsal the sketch didn’t go over too well with the audience–they just sat there “like an oil painting”. They might have improvised a few improvements to the skit for the filming, because by the end the entire cast is pretty much busting up (and the audience, too–though that could be some laugh track added, I suppose). At any rate, Burnett promises at the end of the sketch that she won’t be doing it again so there’s only one episode to see.

  133. Chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Between Winky Funkerbean and Shawshank….er…Finky Witherspoon and…oh never mind….the Batiuk creations, I counted six sidelong glances. Sad thing is that I know that is nowhere near a record.

  134. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 1st, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#102):

    Re: “All similes are metaphors, though not the reverse.”

    So, to put this in terms the SAT would understand:

    A simile is to a metaphor as a metaphor is to:

    a) A comparison
    b) A simile
    c) A contrast
    d) A meta-reference
    e) Dad’s check is on the way to Kaplan Eduneering, so can I just hand my paper in and go?

  135. Snarkotix Addict
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    #120 TheDiva re: Luann
    And Quill. She was that close to doing Quill.

  136. Shrug
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Clint Brawny (#11):

    “Marvin: thirty years of this crap?!”

    Yeah, Marvin must be exhausted. Look, there’s some Marvin exhaust over there!

    (And yet almost every day the end is in sight…or in action, anyway.)

  137. Señor Tortilla
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    H&J: Wow, it’s not “professional basketball camp”?

    BB: So, if there’s something between Sarge and Beetle, I guess there would be something between Buxley and Blips.

    9CL: I don’t know what would be more satisfying, for the bouncer to get fed up and punch Amos 20 feet backwards, or for Amos to come late and get slapped by Edda/get punched by Seth.

    FW: Well, the only thing that would make this all worth it is Les gets home and discovers his clone, the one that was irritating Funky several weeks ago when Les was supposed to be in Africa. Weeks go on as the two Les’s outsmirk each other without realizing that they’re as insufferable as their twin. Somehow this Les also has knowledge of the African trip.

    The climax comes when each Les declares himself to be the real deal to Summer and Cayla, who shoot one. Sure, Les is still alive, but we get to see Les die! Everyone wins!

  138. Snarkotix Addict
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    A3G Hey! Another kiss – does Rick have a pregnant wife, too?

  139. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Mary – When this is over, Dawn needs to get Wilbur onto some weight loss pills. I hear life is Buterol.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#72): I’m giving some O- in a couple of days (after a year off the needle because of having been on the Great Wall).

    @The Ridger (#99): The Trail household has three cameras, but only one lens, which they take turns using. Got the idea from three crazy old ladies in a cave. Come to think of it, that’s where they got most of their ideas.

  140. Occipital Lobe
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    MW: DAMN!!!

    I was so hoping this would be the end of Wilbur. Not because I particularly have it in for Sandwich-Boy, but because:

    - As Wilbur hits the water, the ensuing tidal wave might push the boat back to an upright position.
    - Dawn would forever be tormented that Wilbur’s death was her fault. And it would have been, really, Her moping prompted her dad to take her to Italy, but that wasn’t enough, fer Chrissakes; so he booked a last-minute cruise on the S.S. Minnow, just to STOP HER INFERNAL MOPING! (Having her feel guilty for his death woulda been karmically kewl.)
    - Upon Dawn’s return home with the casket, Dave would see how unhappy she was and would devote the rest of his life to making her happy.
    - Mary would stay at her keyboard writing her advice column for the rest of her life, and leave the other residents of Charterstone alone.

    Oh well … life is brutal …

  141. Shrug
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#21):

    “BFD: The new neighbors are named Mac and Pip? Let me guess… Macintosh and Pippin Apple?”

    I only see BFD in black and white in my dead tree paper, so I was puzzled at this. But checking out its appearance on the ComicyGizmo site, I now realize both of the new neighbors are this intense shade of red, so that makes sense.
    (Unless they are demons escaped from the DOC DEMONBASHER strip; since in my local paper they run right next to each other, that works for me too.)

  142. seismic-2
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Sorry, AJGLU 3000, but if that’s the best that you can come up with these days, then it’s time for this strip to start seeing other ‘puters.

  143. HAnzMFG
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    What’s stopping the Lockhorns from starting a suicide pact right now? Looks like many other depressive, suicidal theatergoers are just dying to run home and try it!

  144. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Not apropos of anything here, but I just discovered that Gore Vidal died. The death of an old man is no tragedy, as Keillor says, but Vidal may have been our greatest essayist. I could take or leave his novels, myself, but his essays, well… that’s writing.

  145. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#137):

    Re: 9CL – Well, at least it would be the first time Edda was angry at Amos for coming too late.

    Re: FW – Poor Cayla. “Will you two shut up! As far as I am concerned, each of you is the evil twin!”

  146. Shrug
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#63):

    According to the latest issue of FORTEAN TIMES, some conspiracy theorists have claimed the London Olympic logo does not represent a twisted version of the year 2012 but rather a slightly more twisted version of the word “Zion.”

    Or it could stand for “Zois” or “Zolz” which are respectively probably the name of some sort of generic drug, or the evil sister of Zeye in the EYE OF ZEYE movie.

  147. Shrug
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#79):

    “The Trek pun doesn’t work in Latin, though. “Sun” is “sol” and “son” is “filius.” You can’t decline the words to make them sound even vaguely alike.”

    But it Just So Happens that on this Latin-speaking alien world the Son was named “Sol.” (John and Mary didn’t really like the name, but it was the name of John’s rich uncle and they were hoping to eventually inherit his camel renting business.)

  148. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#147):

    So, on their planet, his name is “Sol”? Unlike Earth where we call him …. ummm … it’s right on the tip of my tongue (this being communion Sunday) …oh JESUS CHRIST!, why can’t I remember ….

  149. Droopy Says
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#147): That would be his uncle Solly, who owned a place on Catskill 7? (And this will shock a variety of nuns, priests and lay teachers who thought I didn’t pay attention, but I’m pretty sure it was Joseph and Mary . . . unless it was that Roman centurion John Cleesus?)

  150. pastordan
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#144): Vidal was one of those writers who were like the guys who spin plates in vaudeville. You’d see how many he set in motion, and think “he can’t possibly keep all of them from crashing.” But he did, every time.

  151. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#141) wrote:

    (Unless they are demons escaped from the DOC DEMONBASHER strip; since in my local paper they run right next to each other, that works for me too.)

    Oh, man, DD is still running? I haven’t seen it since I read it in the Gallipolis, Ohio, paper when I was a kid. Since it’s not online, I assumed it was either locally produced or the creator had died. Tell me, does the artist still have a strange fixation on drawing nipples on the male demons?

  152. Uncle Lumpy
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#149):

    … that Roman centurion John Cleesus …

    I thought he went by “Biggus” something-or-other.

  153. Shrug
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#151):

    Question not really answerable, since these are reruns of old strips. They’re doing the “Doc is seemingly tricked into marriage with Lilith” arc right now, so the only male demon involved is Sriberdigibit, whose chest tentacles would hide any male-demon-nipples that might otherwise be present. Lilith, now. . .

  154. Oregonian
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    MW – Oh, damn. “Saved by fellow passengers.” I didn’t really care about Wilbur one way or the other, but I was SO looking forward to the death of that awful green dinner jacket.

  155. Shrug
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#149)

    This was a mash-up world in which, unlike our own, the Joseph and Mary of the Gospels had gotten a bit too involved with the John and Marsha of Stan Freeberg’s routine.

    (The “Joseph!” “Marsha!” “Joseph!” “Marsha!” bit still got a lot of laughs for Stannus Freebergus, though. Probably because it was funnier in the original Latin.)

  156. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    H&J: Surprisingly neither one of them made the “bun without a hotdog” comparison.

    MT: While Cherry is looking for Rusty, please spare a thought for the dead eyed zonked out otter in panel two. Otter inhalant abuse: It’s no joke.

    MW: If Unnamed Passenger in Mint T-Shirt ever gets bitten by a radioactive something, we may actually get an effective Spider-Man. If that interests you.

    Ziggy: So you say, but how many cats can read and write?

    FW: “Well, nothing to stop us beating the crap out of him now.”

    Agnes: If “Half a Slim Jim and a Three Wheeled Skateboard” isn’t an old country song, it should be.

    BSt: Hands off Gonzo’s girl, pervert.

    JP: Just to make sure that we get our weekly allowance of innuendo, Bea—now in a stylish, curve-flattering cowl neck—asks Sam and Avery about “the evening rise.”

    RMMD: Melissa used to disapprove of Rex because she thought he and June were living in sin. She doesn’t know him at all.

    BB: It’s just Amos’ luck that the two women in his office exploded in ecstasy and rapture on one of the few days when he didn’t have the hidden camera set up.

    H&L: “I swear to God, if he needs to be changed…”

    DT: I know it’s good for not being identified, but I’m thinking that if you pull your heists in a mask with no eyeholes, you’ll hit a few snags.

    GT: Hmm. Does Neal Ruben know that he’s writing the inspiring story of a wounded veteran whose life is turned around by the pursuit of barely legal tail?

    Phantom: “Victor, let us stop this madness. Can’t you see I love you? Marry me!”

    FC: Thel sees your Michael Phelps and raises you a Mike Tyson.

    S-M: I’m going to do you all a favor and not say what Clown-9 filled those sticks of dynamite with.

    A3G: “I mean, are any of the soccer moms who hear these insipid songs actually going to name kids after me? I think not.”

  157. Poteet
    August 1st, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    MW — Here’s a helpful tip, Wilbur. Hang on with BOTH hands. And I’m not talking about your wiener.

  158. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#137):

    9CL: I don’t know what would be more satisfying, for the bouncer to get fed up and punch Amos 20 feet backwards, or for Amos to come late and get slapped by Edda/get punched by Seth.

    Edda also slaps Amos when he comes early. So hard to get the balance right.

  159. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#153): Ah, then I guess the artist did finally kick the bucket. That’s too bad. All those childhood memories are coming back now… “Holy PUUUNNCHHH!”

  160. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#145): Ah, my spotty previewing missed your 9CL response.

  161. seismic-2
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    It should perhaps be noted that today is the 70th anniversary of Jerry Garcia’s birth. I’m surprised that no strips (that I saw, at least) made mention of it. You would think that at least the funny pages’ resident elegy poet, Fritzi Ritz, might have worn a little tie-dye.

  162. Calico
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#4):
    I have the feeling that a lot of frustrated golfers talk to their clubs, and often. : )

    MW – Oh, now, let me guess – one of those dudes responsible for saving Wilbur will fall in love with Dawn, and vice versa.
    The other will fall in love with Wilbur himself.

  163. Calico
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#161):
    Or at least Pluggers or Mark Trail, as several of us Deadheads sometimes refer to the man as “Jerry Bear.”

    “You stole a friend of mine’s favorite musician!”

  164. Gringo
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Are they leaving a theater or a cinema? I can see wearing a suit to a play, but has anyone worn a suit to the movies since the 1940s?

  165. Anonymous
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#Y149): @Les of the Jungle Patrol (#143): (just squeeing here….ITISSOCOOLYOULIVEINENGLAND!!!) (You, too, Baka Gaijin :)

    I’m formerly of England and when I was, I wasn’t in London. I visited a few times. By the way, Mr. Of the Jungle Patrol, Betty Windsor says “Cheers!” She’s such a great old gal, parachuting into the Olympics like that.

    @Sequitur (#57): Whenever anyone says anything bad about the younger generation, I’m going to proudly trot this wonderful youth out as a counter-example. She hates clowns to the point she threatens violence to her own mother!!! One has to admire her commitment to the cause.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#76): Just the mouse rollover is terrifying. Medical clowns? I’m going to send Sequitur’s break room lady’s daughter over to Israel for a smackdown.

    On second thought (preview actually), maybe these medical clowns (EEEEE!) are the newest Israeli offensive weapons. That’s how I’m rationalizing (delusion) the existence of such monstrosities in my own mind.

  166. Baka Gaijin
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#Y149): @Les of the Jungle Patrol (#143): (just squeeing here….ITISSOCOOLYOULIVEINENGLAND!!!) (You, too, Baka Gaijin :)

    I’m formerly of England and when I was, I wasn’t in London. I visited a few times. By the way, Mr. Of the Jungle Patrol, Betty Windsor says “Cheers!” She’s such a great old gal, parachuting into the Olympics like that.

    @Sequitur (#57): Whenever anyone says anything bad about the younger generation, I’m going to proudly trot this wonderful youth out as a counter-example. She hates clowns to the point she threatens violence to her own mother!!! One has to admire her commitment to the cause.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#76): Just the mouse rollover is terrifying. Medical clowns? I’m going to send Sequitur’s break room lady’s daughter over to Israel for a smackdown.

    On second thought (preview actually), maybe these medical clowns (EEEEE!) are the newest Israeli offensive weapons. That’s how I’m rationalizing (delusion) the existence of such monstrosities in my own mind.

  167. Baka Gaijin
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Damned Cookie Monster. He needs to stay out of my computer.

  168. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58):

    9CL: Okay, now this is getting ridiculous.

    You mean the fact that he’s trying to get backstage when Edda’s expecting to see him in the audience? Of course, there’s a long list of reasons.

  169. Calico
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#145):
    I hope Kitty Cat gets a certificate too – she was the least annoying menber of the hiking group by a long shot (I think I see her on the right side of the table)

  170. seismic-2
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    9CL: This bouncer is the first character in this strip that I’ve really liked in a long, long time. If you’re going to launch a truly stupid story twist (a dancer who’s been fired gets to be in a “farewell performance”???), then it’s good to use it at least as an opportunity to introduce a new, likable character. I hope Mr. Beefwit becomes a fixture of the strip, thwarting Amos’s attempts at, well, everything.

  171. Calico
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    *Member*
    Ah, Cats Down Under the Stars …

  172. commodorejohn
    August 1st, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “So, uh, we’ll be along with a breach-of-contract suit in a couple weeks, then. Nothing personal, you understand.”

    BS – Chickens are underappreciated. But that doesn’t make this guy not moderately unsettling.

    Crankshaft – That’s an awful amount of labor for a pun that generates exactly no laughs whatsoever. On the other hand, at least it’s actually a pun this time and not just a fucking malapropism.

    Curtis – Curtis is the only person in the entire world who realizes that his little brother is a psychopath. Why is this?

    DT – So hey, all those hints about the moon era weren’t just random continuity-wank! I’m not of an age where this really means much to me other than “hey, whaddya know,” but given the bar for insanity that was set in the last years of the Locher era, I figure at the very least this should be more coherent.

    FW – Backpfeifengesicht. Backpfeifengesicht backpfeifengesicht backpfeifengesicht backpfeifengesicht backpfeifengesicht motherfucking backpfeifengesicht. [*] I hate this fucker. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE him. I hate him more than I’ve ever hated anyone in my entire LIFE. I want him to die slowly, in agony, in some way so humiliating that there is no way that in his last moments he can think of himself as being a martyr. Les Moore, you are the boil on the ass of humanity. Fuck off and die.

    GT – Oh, this’ll end well.

    HOTC – One assumes that Dean is an avid Ninja Turtles fan.

    JP – Did they get those chairs from some terrible late-’60s Italian sci-fi Z-movie?

    Luann – Oh, yeah, you definitely need to take community-college drama courses to be an actor. Not because, by the usual logic, all professional knowledge is Secret Rites to be handed down by the Sacred Higher Education Priesthood that cannot be obtained by mere mortals in their own efforts – no, it’s because Luann is doing it and you’re not, and you’re always wrong, of course.

    MT – And Mark arrives home to find that every creature on the Trail compound has subsequently gone off in search of the previously departed.

    Momma – A deformed little troll-bitch, I think is what she was going to say.

    MG&G – Okay, I can’t not love this. (So was Pottsylvania incorporated into the Russian Federation, then?)

    Phantom – …did someone’s lucha libre slash-fic accidentally get shuffled in with the Phantom scripts or something?

    Ripley’s – How do you crash through a glacier?

    SF – Hee.

    WoI – This one’s goin’ on my fridge.

  173. kkarenb
    August 1st, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    FC – This is annoying the heck out of me. Has any child ever said that he was “doing an imitation” of anyone? A real child would more likely say that he was pretending to be someone. The Keane kids talk like no child I have ever heard.

    MT – What is with Cherry’s hair? Is that a curly perm? That narrows it down – this originally ran in the 1970′s.

    FW – Well, travel certainly broadened Les’s world. A normal person would at least feel a sense of accomplishment and wonder after climbing the mountain, but not Les. Stupid puns all the way. What a smug asshole.

  174. lynn
    August 1st, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Commodorejohn, don’t hold in your feelings about FW. It’s not healthy.

  175. lynn
    August 1st, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    I have really enjoyed this Phantom arc. It’s like ’50 Shades of Gray’ but with more tenderness. Also better illustrations.

  176. Liam
    August 1st, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-I wouldn’t care if you had three arms and one of those arms was between your legs. Don’t you see what I am saying? You are small and I like my guys big.

  177. Liam
    August 1st, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    MT-Cherry, can’t you see that I am busy trying to figure out why we are surrounded by freakishly giant animals. I can’t be bothered by the disappearance of Jojo the dog faced boy.

  178. Liam
    August 1st, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    MW-As strangers reach out to help Thing Addams appears to push Wilbur in.

  179. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 1st, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sue D. Nymme (#23): Brad de Groot wears diapers?

  180. UncleJeff
    August 1st, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: So this story is (finally) coming to a climax.
    Police Chief/technico will now join with Drug Kingpin/rudo to kick the living daylights out of Fake Guerrero/Phantom/Walker/white boy and establish the Lucha Libre Free State (“One nation under a mask”).

  181. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#172): Les Moore, you are the boil on the ass of humanity. Fuck off and die.

    It isn’t good to hold in your emotions like that. You should tell us how you really feel.

  182. mr12ozcan
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    mary worth – i could go on a long essay about the obsurd things of this current storyline . but seeing most people here are into celing wax and other things as the great POOH BEAR ONCE said why bother .

  183. Darryl Heine
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Not featured:
    BLONDIE – Does Mr. Dithers have a grudge against 2012 Olympic Games coverage on TV even in the break room?

  184. Alter Ego
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    love is… cheerfully prepping to indulge his foot fetish.

  185. Anninyn
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    The Lockhorns: That is the most soul-crushingly depressing game of Musical Statues I’ve ever seen.

  186. DAS
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    A Shoe that is about Shoe and not the Perfessor? What’s next, a Judge Parker that actually focuses on Judge Parker and not Sam Driver and his clan?

  187. bats :[
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

  188. ribinin
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    I have to prarie-dog right here with a complete OT, but I just got my copy of the Tijuana Bible from Bats. Wonderful condition too.

    Normally I am a total lurker, but this is too exciting not to share. And on my birthday too. I won’t tell you how old except to say that Jerry Garcia and I were born on the same day.

  189. lynn
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    See, I knew most of us are old. Many happy returns, lurkin’ ribinin!

  190. bats :[
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    Happy Birthday, ribinin! Wow, that was a quick delivery! Hope you enjoy it!
    (My birthday is tomorrow, and while I share the same birthdate as Peter O’Toole, I wasn’t born in the same year as the distinguised gentleman — I’d probably be dead by now!)

  191. Anonymous
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    We will survive….

  192. Martha's Rolling Pin
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#191): …however, we may forget to refresh our cookies as we age.

  193. Peanut Gallery
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#102): As my old friend Bill Johnston used to say, “A simile is like a metaphor, but a metaphor is a simile.”

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#134): Maybe the correct answer is “a tautology”?

  194. Anonymous
    August 1st, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#191): Just like disco music and Jerry Garcia….

  195. Greg K
    August 1st, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    About Shoe, I’m pretty sure a “putter” is also a euphemism for a woman’s rear end.

  196. Señor Tortilla
    August 1st, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    MW: I am very, very disappointed. Here’s how it would go in a better MW:

    Today: Wilbur catches his balance, but the boat rocks again, throwing Wilbur off the boat.

    Thursday: Wilbur sinks into the watery depths as Dawn cries out his name as Wilbur sinks. As Wilbur’s combover hairs drift, there’s a pithy quote about the futility of life.

    Friday: Dawn, now rescued and draped in a towel, recounts how she was a horrible person.

    Saturday: Mary is gleefully typing away at her new (and now permanent) column and gets the call. She starts to weep.

    Sunday: Summary of the last week. Mary and Dawn (both dressed in black dresses) visit the gravesite of Wilbur Weston.

  197. Liam
    August 1st, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Marvin-Here’s to another thirty years of shitty jokes.

  198. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#193):

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#102): As my old friend Bill Johnston used to say, “A simile is like a metaphor, but a metaphor is a simile.”

    I’m not sure that’s right, technically. I get the “like” and “is” joke, but… Could you explain?

    My understanding is that a simile is a special class of metaphor, in which the comparison is explicitly stated, using the words “like” or “as”. Metaphors are comparisons, too, but all metaphors are NOT similes. A synecdoche, for instance, is also a form of metaphor, but is not a simile.

  199. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 1st, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @ribinin (#188): You also share a birthday with Francis Scott Key, Herman Melville and Dom DeLuise — and unlike the aforementioned gentlemen, you’re still around to celebrate it.

  200. Horace Broon
    August 1st, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Coming in late on yesterday’s BC to observe that they’ve has done a pretty good representation of the 2012 Olympics logo. Which of course, the Organising Commitee has been zealously suing people over for the past six months. This leaves me torn between a desire to get BC in trouble, and the contempt I have for LOCOG and their informers’ website (which currently seems to be down anyway).

  201. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    So this simile walked into a bar – stop me if you’ve heard this – and the bartender says:

    1) Like, what is this, some kind of joke?
    2) You know, this isn’t, like, a gay bar, right. And the simile said, “As if!”
    3) You know, we have a drink named after you! And the simile says, “What’s it like?”
    4) So! It has come to something like this.

  202. Horace Broon
    August 1st, 2012 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#198):

    Am I the only one being reminded of this xkcd strip?

  203. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#190): You also share a birthday with Tom Wilson, Senior, the creator of ZIGGY!

  204. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    So this metaphor walked into a bar… No, really, I mean he walked into a business establishment that serves alcoholic beverages… oh never mind.

  205. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#202): Yes. But thank you!

  206. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#203): Sorry, that post was meant for ribinin.

  207. TheDiva
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#172): Backpfeifengesicht.

    I have a new favorite insult!

  208. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    So a metaphor, a simile, an analogy, and a synecdoche walk into a bar.

    You’d think the synecdoche would have seen it coming.

  209. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    So this guy walks into a bar with a giant synecdoche on his head. And the bartender says, “What’s up with that?”

    And the synecdoche says, “Why does every swinging dick have to ask me that?”

  210. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#190): Not only are you and Peter O’Toole celebrating a birthday tomorrow, but so is distinguished Filipino thespian Dingdong Dantes.

  211. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#144): I hadn’t heard about his death, and while he lived to a good age, it’s still sad to see yet another icon go down. Yesterday Maeve Binchy died. Not so well known over here, perhaps, but she was a good writer, a sweet lady, and I had the opportunity to interview her one time.

    Isn’t there some way of stopping this? Of just keeping alive the people who are alive now? Not necessarily all of them, but the ones I like?

  212. Horace Broon
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    A3G: And thus the thrilling tale of Tommie’s musical career reaches its dramatic conclusion, without her actually having had a musical career at all, or ever shown any signs of attempting to have one.

    FW: “Remind me again why we didn’t kill him and feed him to the leopards?”

    GT: “I’m not shallow! I’m judging you on your appearance, not your arms!”

    MT: “I think I know where he’s going. It’s the place he said he was going in the note, the one I just read out.”

    MW: Dude, I can understand that disappointed look on your face; I wanted to see Wilbur go splash too. But you’re the one who caught him, so it’s your own fault.

  213. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    So a simile, an metaphor, and a synecdoche walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

    And the simile said, “It’s like a joke.”
    And the metaphor said, “It is a joke.”
    And the synecdoche said, “No, it’s the punchline.”

  214. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns – Apparently, a very small flash mob is trying to make some kind of a point by doing the Shakespearean Hokey Pokey outside the theater. The spectators, if such there be, are probably as overjoyed as those three look.

  215. bats :[
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#211): yes, Ms. Binchy was only 72. When I heard about her death, I was prepared to say something snarky on Facespace (we see A LOT of her romance novels at the Friends of the Library), but the response to the news of her passing was very sweet and sad…many, many people liked her writing style and just pleasant stories. Snark averted.

  216. Liam
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns-Loretta, have I ever told you how I hate our marriage and every morning I wish you had died during the night in your sleep.

    Herb and Jamaal-Herb loves Jamaal so much the he feels like an asshole without a dick when Jamaal is not around.

  217. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#121): The Abraham/Isaac story circumvents it — but then I’m sure the point was to drive home the idea that human sacrifice wasn’t allowed. In the case of Marvin, however, we’re dealing with a pretty minor god — all he’s capable of doing is making a pencil appear, disappear, then reappear behind his ear. Not bad, but not up there with parting an entire sea or creating pillars of fire.

  218. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#146): They’re wrong. It’s Zotz! (Watch out for anyone pointing at you, ohmygod, that chick in Gil Throp has the Zotz power!)

  219. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#218): Or Gil Thorp. Whichever.

  220. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#213):

    The Aristocrats.

  221. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#199): Dom DeLuise died? Crap. I just saw him in a Star Gate episode. Not that someone can’t die just because I saw them in a Star Gate episode, but it does seem like bad timing at the very least.

  222. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#203):

    ixnay on the iggyza!

    It’s Hump Day, not Lump Day!

  223. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#215): Yes. I only read a couple of her books, and mostly as research. She hated being called a “cosy” writer, but it fit. She also hated the Oprah gig too, because not only was Oprah irritatingly shallow in her insistence on the way Tara Road should have ended, but her film crew made Binchy walk up and down the road in front of her house several times in order to show a “typical day” in her life. “I never walk that road,” she said. “I never walk any where!

    That really endeared her to me.

  224. pastordan
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#217): Well, I sure wouldn’t want to read Kierkegaard’s dense treatise on the paradox of Marvin’s diaper, that’s for sure.

  225. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#221):

    Is Paul Purdome (sp?)* still alive and toodling and cooking?

    Every time I saw him on TV I would gasp and think Poor Dom Deluise!

    Then I’d laugh because he while he didn’t act funny, he still looked funny.

    *for me, it is wikipedia-free wednesday when i celebrate my middle -of-the-week moronicnessitivy.

  226. Anonymous
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#187): I like your ending a lot more than I think I’m going to like the real one.

  227. Poteet
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#226): Me. Arrgh.

  228. Gringo
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#221): I think you’re thinking of Dom’s son, Peter. He was on Stargate. Dom died years ago.

  229. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#225): That’s whom he always reminded me of! Paul, that is. He looked familiar, but for some reason I never made the connection.

  230. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#228): No, it was definitely Dom. But then, the Star Gate episode was recorded years ago.

  231. pastordan
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Late-to-the-game snark blasts:

    Amazing Spider-Man: I’m just going to put this out there. I don’t think my morning funnies should include the words “some kind of sticky goo.” I just don’t. There. I said it.

    Apt. 3-G: I’m not sure how we got out of the girls’ apartment into whatever-the-hell-we’re-in-now, but I’m thinking A3G is going pomo-meta and is showing us the studio wherein they produce the trip, or we’re going to learn a whole lot about Stalin-era wiretapping. Judging by the technology on display, I’m guessing it’s the latter.

    Judge Parker: Avery is pissed. He. Will. Not. Be. Common.

    Mark Trail: Is that Cherry in panel 3, or is Mark just cross-dressing again? Certainly would explain some of his, ahem, absences.

    Mary Worth: Doesn’t rest too easy, Wilbur. Those guys look pissed. Or hungry.

    Rex Morgan: I know what I just said about “some kinda stick goo” above, but if you paste those words into panel two, this strip gets way more interested. With vodka.

    Radio Patrol: WHY WASN’T THIS STRIP PULLED AFTER AURORA? WHY WON’T ANYONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN??!!!

  232. Liam
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    Shoe-I would be careful if I was you. Putters are extremely jealous and obsessive. I tried breaking up with one and I woke up one morning to find the head of a five iron in my bed.

    A3G-You do know that we are going to sue you for a breach of contract.

  233. Slug
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    Every so often, I think of starting up a little blog where I deconstruct daily comics, in a more dry, technical way than this blog, and explain why they aren’t funny but how they could be modified. But then I remember that every day, I would focus on Marvin.

    Freakin’ Marvin, geez.

  234. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#213): @tallyHO (#220): Oh, right. Permission to revise and extend my remarks? Yes? Thank you.

    So a simile, an metaphor, and a synecdoche walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

    And the simile said, “It’s like a joke.”
    And the metaphor said, “It is a joke.”
    And the synecdoche said, “No, it’s the setup.”
    And the bartender said, “The Aristocrats!”

    // That’s better. Thanks, TH.

  235. Gringo
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#225): Paul Prudhomme! He’s still running his restaurant in New Orleans, K-Paul’s. If you’re ever in the Big Easy, check it out. Great place.

  236. Vince M
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#172): re. JP – those chairs are from that 1970s trend of taking things like barrels and construction cable spools and turning them into ugly, heavy, uncomfortable furniture. Now I *know* those folks are involved in the dope biz.

  237. Chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Last week I wanted a pair of glasses like Wilbur’s that moved with my eyebrows to help show emotion. Today I want a pair like Avery’s, ones that go all pale green and opaque when I’m pissed.

  238. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#231):
    “Is that Cherry in panel 3, or is Mark just cross-dressing again?…”

    That means occasionally flips his own pancakes? (while Doc is just sitting there?!?)

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#234):

    You’re right. That is better.

    @Gringo (#235):
    Thanks for the heads up on the spelling. I revisited how I spelled his last name and realize I basically left of the S and the U. I almost spelled “Superdome.”
    Missed it by >< that much!

    As it goes, I don’t know if I even knew PP’s restaurant’s name. But, I’m pretty sure I’ve never eaten there. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure if I know the names of any N’Awleans’ eateries in which I’ve stuffed my piehole.
    Oh well.
    Why is it called K-Paul’s? Because they knew PP’s doesn’t sound aPPetizing*?

    *oh, serendipity!

  239. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#238):

    “I basically left of the S and the UE. I almost spelled “Superdome.””

    not to bring up bad memories of the Superdome and that entire tackle bounty scandal involving the Saint’s Defensive coordinators.

    (do I win a prize for voluntarily mentioning sports and not referencing Gil Thorp or Funky Winkerbean ?)

    D’oh!

    I forfeited the attempt, didn’t I?

  240. Chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#144): In reference to Gore Vidal and the thread from yesterday discussing great talk show guests from the ’60′s. He was one, for sure, and he could certainly be viscious and vitriolic, qualities I admire. His tete a tetes with William Buckley and Truman Capote were classics.

  241. Snarkotix Addict
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#172): Les was looking kinda haggard in that last panel. Maybe some unknown tropical disease…

  242. Chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#238): KPaul is about the size of your living room and the line to get in winds outside for more than a block. It is worth the wait,,particularly when Prudhomme is there.

  243. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#240): Just think — if singer Lesley Gore had married Gore Vidal, she could’ve called herself Lesley Gore-Vidal.

  244. Chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#240): Cherry is called that because she gets that unique hair color from cherry kool-aid. She smells good too. Too bad she lets Doc cut her hair.

  245. Chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#243): She wouldn’t have been the first neurotic singer to marry a gay man.

  246. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#242):

    Every place I’ve ever been had the capacity to fit the demand. @Chaze126 (#240):

    I don’t know* if I ever saw Vidal debate Buckley…maybe…but, not sure…that said debates and talk shows featuring either of them were elevated by their presence, that’s for sure.
    @Nehemiah Scudder (#144):, I agree. I have an appreciation for some of the best essayists, too, and Gore was certainly one of them.

    *the theme for the day.

  247. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#245):

    Nor would she have been the last, right?

    That said, Leslie Gore and Liza Minnelli * are nice, neurotic singing ladies.

    *(crap! I spelled that! right? I’m doomed. Not all of neurons are on vacation, the fabu** ones are still hard at work?!? Doomed!)
    ** experimenting to see how deep this can go…. I’m surprised there wasn’t a cartoon genie from a 1960s H-B show called The Great Faboo. There was Gazoo, from The Flintstones (who I dig very much….waitasec!)***

    ***Gazoo was one erudite Martian, wasn’t he? Perfect enunciation. Very condescending. Whether or not he was Fred’s Fantasy Friend, he was a funny guy.

    The bonus is he looked like a green lightbulb with appendages= hilarious!
    Cartoons need more Great Gazoos, I say! ****

    **** And, far fewer Wilbur WhatsHisChunks! If elected, I vow to eliminate these types of cartoon characters by sentencing them to Death by Panini Press!*****

    ***** I give this set of asterisks five stars! p.s. I’m down with DPP!

  248. Alison
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: I don’t really see how Wilbur was been “saved” exactly, since he’s been pulled back onto a sinking boat. “What a relief that I did not fall into the ocean and drown! instead I’m going to go down with this ship and drown. Yay!”

    Blah, I’m grumpy, because I wanted this to be the end of Wilbur.

  249. Droopy Says
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#247): I always thought that the Great Gazoo was the inspiration for Star Trek’s Q.

  250. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#245), @tallyHO (#247): In a 2005 interview, Lesley Gore stated that she was a lesbian — and I have no reason to disbelieve her.

  251. Anonymous
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#247): Don’t forget Liza’s mom….and….well, her father.

  252. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#249):

    hmmm. Interesting theory. Even I know of the Q and the old new Star Trek.

    trivia: (without looking, i hope i’m correct, but, like a fool, I leap. devil be damned! the useless stuff is still functioning in the gray matter.)

    Gazoo was voiced by the late, great Harvey Korman (sp?).

  253. Anonymous
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#250): Okay. NOW I have faith in that Gore – Vidal union.

  254. Mr. O'Malley
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#250): Another interesting thing about Lesley Gore is that “It’s My Party” was the first hit for an up-and-coming young producer named Quincy Jones.

    @ribinin (#188): So a Tijuana Bible has an OT and an NT? I never knew that.

  255. Chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#253): That, and #251 were mine. Friggin’ iPad.

  256. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#250): @Anonymous (#251):

    psst…don’t think I know any more than their names. I just know Leslie Gore was a singer. She may as well have had bushy hair and a giant, black mustache. I can’t think of a song she sang.

    as for Liza’s dad and mom…???? Vincent? Vincentina? I can’t remember who her mom was. Not Shirley McClaine.

    Oh Wikipedia-free Wednesday, I don’t know whether to curse you or give you a high five!

  257. kkarenb
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#215): @Frank Lee Meidere (#223): I hadn’t heard that Maeve Binchy died. I’m sorry to hear that. “Cosy” seems to be a better classification of her books than romances – the ones I’ve read were women-centered but didn’t automatically end happily. She seemed like an astute woman.

  258. kkarenb
    August 1st, 2012 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#256): Lesley Gore! It’s My Party, Judy’s Turn to Cry, She’s a Fool… She had a string of hits in the early 1960′s.

  259. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#258):

    ” It’s My Party”

    oh okay. Now, I know who she is.
    thanks.

  260. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#210): Speaking of birthdays: Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger turned 65 on July 30, and I hear he invited Arnold Ziffel to a celebratory luau at Casa Schwarzenegger…

  261. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#173): re: MT: I suspect that poor Cherry has made so many visits to the beauty parlor that the hairdressers (and yes, I’m using the era-appropriate terms here) have run out of things to do to her hair. “Well, um, you were just here last week, but I guess we could try giving you straight bangs with curls on the side. . . .”

  262. pastordan
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#238): I think Doc’s more interested in cooking meth his microscope than whatever shenanigans CherryMark is up to. Besides, who’s he to judge?

  263. pastordan
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#240):

    Vidal: “the only pro or crypto-Nazi here is yourself.”

    Buckley: “Now listen, you queer, you stop calling me a crypto-Nazi or I’ll sock you in the goddamn face and you’ll stay plastered.”

    Who says political rhetoric is degraded from the comity of the past?

  264. chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#262):Doc = Walter White. Interesting concept.

  265. Peanut Gallery
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#198): As far as I’m concerned, if you got the joke, you got the whole thing. :-)

    The idea that the simile is a subtype of metaphor is new to me. I did a little (very little) Google searching and it looks like some sources put it that way and some don’t. (Which doesn’t necessarily mean they take the opposite view; if they don’t say anything about it, the whole matter can be considered ambiguous.) I’m glad I don’t have any pressing need take sides on the question!

  266. chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#263): They were more erudite versions of Olbermann and O’Reilly?

  267. ribinin
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#203):

    And I was having SUCH a nice day, too.

  268. ribinin
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @Slug (#233):

    Marvin needs no explanation as to why it is not funny.

  269. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#262):

    Seriously, I just want to know what he’s up to.

    I refuse to look it up. I want them to show him as a man of action and do something besides be there in the house when the story takes a pitstop.

  270. Peanut Gallery
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#218): Mmmm… Zotz. Actually, to be honest, they’re kind of disgusting, but y’know, childhood memories and all that.

  271. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#32): Don’t forget the hallucinations, which I think existed solely to allow Batiuk the excuse to draw buxom babes in leopard-skin bikinis.

    @Frank Lee Meidere (Y#345): Actually, it’s four arms. o.O

  272. tallyHO
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    Wasn’t it Chekov from Star Trek who said if there is a microscope in the play in the first act then don’t bogart it by the third act?

    As far as we know he is researching how to make great comic strips.
    But, they never show us.

  273. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#257): No, as she said, there are no “makeovers,” and what pissed her about Oprah was that in Tara Road, the woman whose husband had been a drunken lout remembered him in a kind light after he died. To Oprah, this was unthinkable, and she insisted that Binchy should have had the woman’s friends stage an intervention in which they explained just how bad her marriage had been. You can read my interview with her here, if you want. Today seems a good day to revive it.

  274. pastordan
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @chaze126 (#264): I cannot lie. I kipped that joke from someone in a previous thread.

  275. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#271): Yes, I noticed that too. The fourth behind his back. He must have been forewarned!

    // Because, you know, forewarned is…

  276. Chaze126
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I divorced my putter last year. Irreconcilable differences. I claimed mental cruelty. The putter? It said I cheated. Damned thing must have been listening to my four iron.

  277. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#270): Hmmm. Not quite the Zotz I had in mind. Did you know that Mickey from that commercial died eating candies like this while serving in Vietnam where he was shot by a sniper?

    (PS: That book cover on Amazon looks identical to the one I have.)

  278. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#265): Nope. Won’t do. You must commit. “Under which king, Bezonian? Speak or die!”

  279. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

  280. pastordan
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#269): I think the between-the-lines implication is that he suffers from crippling alcoholism. Or, given his resemblance to Mickey Rooney, he likes the pills a little too much…

  281. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#277): Good book. I thought the movie wasn’t so hot*, but I haven’t seen it in decades, so I’m willing to give it another chance.

    *we fell asleep
    Our goose is cooked
    Our reputation is shot!

  282. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#275): *twitch*

    //Well played!

  283. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#281): The movie sucked. The book is better than it needs to be for what it is.

  284. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#283): “The book is better than it needs to be for what it is.”

    You just read that blurb off the dust jacket! Admit it!

  285. Sgt. Stoned
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dawn will offer herself as a “sandwich” to the two heroes in gratitude for their saving Wilbur, only to find out that they are gay and married to each other. Life is brutal.

    H&L: A manuver on Hi’s part worthy of Beetle Bailey, but, I thought that it was Lois who is the sibling of Beetle Bailey.

  286. agony
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#223):

    Maeve Binchy – I didn’t like the kind of books she wrote, much, but I liked the way she wrote them, if that makes any sense.

  287. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#286): Makes perfect sense to me. It’s pretty much exactly how I felt about them.

  288. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#284): That’s the blurb I want on my book.

    You got me curious, so I checked what blurbs there actually were. My favourite is this one, by Fannie Hurst: “Here is a book you cannot take or leave. You take it even if you don’t like it. I like it.”

    I think I’m going to re-read it again. As you say — it’s been decades.

  289. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#258): @tallyHO (#259): Also “You Don’t Own Me” (later covered by Joan Jett) and “California Nights.” She was/is a talented voice. One of the first non-jazz artists that Quincy Jones worked with, I believe.

  290. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#262), @pastordan (#280): Doc Davis was a successful veterinarian before he got caught up in a doping scandal with Barney Google’s horse, Spark Plug.

  291. seismic-2
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    I actually watched the William F. Buckley vs. Gore Vidal “crypto-Nazi vs. queer” exchange, during commentary on the 1968 Democratic convention. Respected journalist Howard K. Smith was the host of the show, and he was horrified. However, my favorite appearance by Vidal was on the Dick Cavett show, when he appeared with Norman Mailer, who had butted heads with him (quite literally) at a recent literary soiree. Cavett tried to play peacemaker between the rival novelists, and he came off looking rather ridiculous. Good times!

  292. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#249): I always thought that the Great Gazoo was the inspiration for Star Trek’s Q.
    Me too! I used to make up dialog for him where he calls Picard “Dumb-Dumb.”

    @Mr. O’Malley (#254): Another interesting thing about Lesley Gore is that “It’s My Party” was the first hit for an up-and-coming young producer named Quincy Jones.
    I thought that was Claus (or Klaus) Ogerman. Well, I guess he arranged it. I always thought he was a producer, but he’s really more of an arranger. He did arrange and produce Barbra Streisand’s “Classical Album,” which has the distinction of being a whole Streisand album that I like.

    @kkarenb (#258): Also “Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows,” “Maybe I Know,” and “California Nights,” which she sang on Batman, dressed as a Catwoman henchgirl. NOT to be confused with “Tarzana Nights,” by the Rock ‘n’ Roll Carole King, Gail Martin.

  293. seismic-2
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#283), @Nehemiah Scudder (#284): My most-favorite blurb was from a review in the Washington Post of the autobiography of TV newswoman Nancy Dickerson, “This is a book that you won’t be able to put down, because it seems to keep falling out of your hands.” For some reason, they didn’t use it on the cover.

  294. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#288): Speaking of lady novelists, Fannie Hurst was quite a character herself, evidently. I’ve seen Imitation of Life, the movie (1959 Lana Turner ver.), but I’ve never read her books.

  295. seismic-2
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Lesley Gore? Didn’t she invent the Internet?

  296. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 1st, 2012 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#293): “From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
    Groucho Marx

  297. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#294): Hurst’s boyfriend, Arctic explorer and ethnologist Vilhjálmur Stefánsson planted a flag on his Fannie.

  298. pastordan
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#290): And, what? Saved a bit of the horse tranquilizers for himself?

  299. Mr. O'Malley
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    I was surprised to find out that Maeve Binchy wrote only 16 novels, because it seems that my mother has about 60 of them.

  300. Mr. 300
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    YES!

  301. Red Greenback
    August 1st, 2012 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Torn between two putters, feelin’ like a shoe.

  302. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    MW — I suspect this adventure will imbue Dawn with a new and possibly rabid appreciation of life. If I see any more Wilbur sweat drops, however, my own appreciation of life will rapidly fade. Make it stop. Please.

  303. Chaze126
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#299): I always confused Maeve Binchy and Iris Murdoch. Turned out to be not much of a problem considering I didn’t read their books.

  304. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    MW — Also, I apologize for the sacrilege, but something about the facial expression on the dude to the left makes me think these people are actually all crowded around the foot of The True Cross and Jesus is hanging up above. Sorry, sorry. In the course of my life I’ve looked at too many old paintings in too many museums. Probably it’s good that it’s late at night and no one will see this.

  305. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    JP — Hoo boy. After that very Sam-ish remark, I am totally ready for the drug-related violence. But first, just to be fair, Avery should say something obnoxious about the dozens of movie stars he personally knows. Then let the head-coshing begin!

  306. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    A3G — YAAAY, Tommie’s music career is neatly over and we never had to hear her sing! Luann (not Lu Ann), please take note!

  307. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    MT — Anyone with two brain cells to rub together could figure out that to get a picture of the perps’ faces, they would have to be facing the camera and therefore facing and seeing the person operating the camera. Alas, Rusty has only one lonely wistful brain cell floating endlessly around the inside of his skull.

  308. tallyHO
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth-

    Okay, ignoring the group hug of the giant vibrator, should we take Dawn literally?

  309. tallyHO
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth-
    You gotta admit Pink Shirt is really into it.

  310. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — Has Val supposedly been dating Phil for months? Years? A decade or two? Given how weirdly time progresses in this strip, how are we supposed to know?

  311. tallyHO
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth-

    Sure, I’m looking too hard at this one but if you notice the water level in panel one, you know that group hug isn’t going to last much longer.

    hm. Is this red-headed, hot red-blooded, male couple just the pair of dolphins Dawn and Wilbur need to ride the waves to shore?

    hmmmm.

  312. Droopy Says
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland:

    Creepy Les: I’ve never seen a black cat with a pink nose, so I’m going to assume that’s the cat’s tongue. Because I have seen that expression on the faces of many, many cats as they hack up hairballs.

    Meolnheads: Bil always shreds the paper after discovering that, once again, the obituaries don’t mention any of four specific names.

    Jugs Parker: Smug Sam now has proof that Bea is a phony, because no true oenophile would ask a guest to pick out the wine without mentioning the sort of dinner it will accompany. Fish with red wine? How absurd! And no cutting remarks about California vintages? Clearly Bea has no taste! But Sam will say nothing yet, because this strip will serve no whine before its time.

    Mary Mirthless: Ah, so this is where Yawn begins to learn that life isn’t brutal after all. Her newfound friends will, appropriately, turn Wilbur into a giant bellyboard–but not yet, for they will surf no whiner before his time.

    Pluggers: Um, Brookins? You should be old enough to remember that the top wires on “telephone” poles are actually high-voltage lines, and those drums are transformers. In other words, your Plugger has plugged into enough juice to electrocute him. (Of course if the idea is to kill the Plugger, I withdraw my complaint.)

    Mock Trail: Why did the poachers bring along a rifle?

  313. Romeo Monatague
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    I’m sorry, but I just have to comment. I laughed OUT LOUD at the Lockhorns. (Believe it or not. I find it hard to believe.) But anyone whose sense of humor is so dark that he can say that Romeo and Juliet has a happy ending is a comic genius in my book!

  314. Droopy Says
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Luann: Right, Tiffany, never mention that your first role was in a major bomb. Remember what happened to Jessica Lange after she debuted in King Kong and Winona Ryder after she debuted in Transylvania 6-5000. Your friends wouldn’t want that to happen to you, would they?

  315. Mr. O'Malley
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    MT: That is the most comical camera (and lens) I have seen in a long time. I have a WWI telescope that looks a lot like that lens.

    What sheer genius to put a 400 mm lens on a viewfinder camera. It’s like something some disgruntled Voigtländer ex-employee came up with in 1947.

    OK Rusty, set distance to infinity and remember to wind the film forward a full turn of the knob before you take a photo. Sunny 16 rule and account for parallax.

  316. Droopy Says
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    Damn, my comment on Spiderman blanked out. But that’s okay. My only memory of today’s strip is of the way Clown-9′s ass dominates the first panel. I used some very strong brain bleach to forget what he pulled out of it today.

  317. Jamoche
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#18): Tiffany’s “apply for jobs, work on set for actual productions, make connections that can help me get roles” approach.

    Is exactly what a friend of mine – who is an actress and has worked her way up from “hysterical woman” (the actual imdb credit :) ) to named parts in hit movies – recommends to anyone who’s serious about getting into movies.

  318. Droopy Says
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#314): Not Winona Ryder; Geena Davis. Sheesh.

  319. sully
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    He’s been churning out crappy Marvin strips for 30 years? That’s a long time. Depending on how old Tom was when he first started inflicting this shit on the public, it’s possible that he IS sitting in his own poopy diaper.

  320. BeckoningChasm
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I like the synchronized theatre-leavers in the Lockhorns. I wonder if that’s a sport?

  321. gflo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    The Lockhorns: Jesus! Those theatergoers are running away with such grim determination. Is the woman wondering if living Juliet’s life is her only option? The man next to her looks so damn displeased as well. “Another remake of Romeo and Juliet? When will Hollywood lift its cruel ban of comedy and STOP DEPRESSING US?”

  322. Dale
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#312):

    MT – My question is why did they bring only one rifle?
    They might find more game to kill or have to defend themselves (bears, park rangers, meddling kids).
    Most MT villains seem to be poorly armed.

Comments are closed for this post.