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Friday soapers

Apartment 3-G, 8/3/12

God, you guys, so long ago (so long ago I’m not even going to bother digging up the links) Margo had this boyfriend (or at least a dude she was making out with) named Trey who was an architect and who somehow got permission from his bosses to completely rebuild the Mills Gallery (which, let’s not forget, Margo owns or at least manages or something, because she inherited it from her previous boyfriend, who died in Tibet, for real) in his vision of a neo-Art Deco style, free of charge, because … because it’s an arts nonprofit, I guess? And Trey was making out with its owner/manager? Sure, those seem like good reasons to do a lot of pricey professional work pro bono.

Anyway, I bring this up not just because I want to show off (for certain very limited definitions of “show off”) my knowledge of apparently jettisoned A3G backstory, but because Margo’s vague references to the office being “picture perfect” at least sort of admits that said backstory at one point existed. Trey is nowhere to be seen, and the vague background decor looks nothing like whatever neo-Art Deco might be, but there does appear to be a picture hanging on the wall, which may be what she’s referring to. Maybe Trey got his budget for the job cut until all he could afford to do was hang a new painting on the wall of Margo’s office, and then he had to cease to exist, to save money.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/3/12

Oh, were you worried that Rex Morgan wasn’t going to get his cut? Don’t worry, Rex Morgan always gets his cut.

271 responses to “Friday soapers”

  1. Charterstoned
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    A3G – Margo’s office space looks suspiciously like it might have been put together by the same decorator who does Mary Worth’s apartment.

  2. Drew Funk
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Between Rex Morgan and Judge Parker, I’m beginning to wonder if “fly rod” isn’t a street term for a new drug or sex act that I haven’t found out about yet.

  3. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    A3G – The war between the author’s attempts to describe a scene, and the artist’s insistence on only showing the characters from the waist up with a generic backdrop is the only thing interesting about this strip any more.

    9CL – Oh good, I was hoping some idiotic plot contrivance would come along to set up a dramatic reveal next week.

    Crank- Snerk! It’s funny, because … guffaw! … he pushed a button on the remote, but … snicker! … instead of changing the channel, he hit the off button by mistake!!! Where does the author come up with this stuff!? It’s like he is staring RIGHT INTO MY LIVING ROOM!

    Doones – Apparently, background detail is more expensive than I thought. My apologies to A3G.

    MT – Ah, the loophole in the Idiot Plot critique. If you have clearly and exhaustively established that every character in your strip is an idiot, then strips like today’s make perfect sense in context.

    MW – “Do you think they see us?” No, why would they notice a giant cruise liner beached just offshore with passengers leaping from the railings and killing each other over the lifeboats? The appearance of a helicoptor hovering just above you is purely a coincidence. It is towing a banner advertising a new brand of pimento-infused mayonnaise. Wilbur: “I want to live goddamit!!

    RMMD – Finally, Rex ends up with what he wanted all along – a chance to get his hands on Foster’s rod.

  4. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    JP: Oh-ho! Is Beatrice going to go all “Cask of Amontillado” on Sam’s ass?

    SM: I know that trying to find logic in Spider-Man is like, well, like trying to find a person of color in Mary Worth, but really, why isn’t Clown-9 making billions of dollars as a genius inventor? Is the power of Broadway so great as to drive a clown mad?

    MT: Uh-oh! indeed, Rusty—those poor sheep killers may never recover from that sight of you!

    (Days later, two men were discovered wandering in the woods, their faces smeared with wool and guts, wild-eyed and ranting about some horrific mutant, short in stature but gigantic in his power to sap a man’s will to live—because why continue existing if existence includes such abominations as this?)

  5. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    MW: That’s just a tourist helicopter coming to see a liner sink. What a once in a lifetime adventure.

  6. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Charterstoned (#1): Only if there’s a couch the color of Tommie’s hair.

  7. Ed Dravecky
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Melville moment? “A whale of an adventure”? Les, you’re a real Moby Dick.

  8. Mibbitmaker
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Archie: Next stop: the Gong Show!

    BBlues: Imelda rises!

    BC: “No, I mean, you don’t work as a union thug, do you? I don’t want trouble.”

    9CL: Actually good and funny today. But… is Edda still performing…?

    CdS, Best Comic in the World: “George Jefferson wouldn’t like that, honey.”
    (R.I.P. Sherman Hemsley)

    Doones:
    I usually don’t care for Doonesbury’s version of meta, but it’s a really good week this week.

    DT: This whole strip is a circus tour!

    FW: Don’t give up, Summer! Kill him! KILL HIM!!

  9. Ed Dravecky
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    GT: “Wounded Warriors? Whoa, Gil, I’m a do-it-myself guy. I didn’t rely on some fancy doctor to diagnose and treat my hangnail. I just cut off my whole arm with a pocketknife and kept moving.”

  10. lorne
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    In panel 2, Lu Ann is so impressed with Margo’s new pretend 1960s publicist’s office that she’s posing like a model in a pretend 1960s Ivory Soap ad.

  11. Dennis Jimenez
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    I don’t know what to say about A3G (maybe something about Tommie’s tits perking up in panel two, probably from all the cool gesturing), but in RMMD, Rex can’t wait to get his hands on that rod….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  12. Mibbitmaker
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids/PCK is now up!

    It’s always sad when yet another SNLer dies, but at least there’s an advantage to casting Mr. Mike as “Death” (much earlier in the PCK continuity).

  13. pugfuggly
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    A3G ‘Thanks for coming down to see the office, girls!’
    ‘You dragged us down the street by our hair, Margo. Did we really have a choice?’

    RMMD I have no idea what is going on in Rex’s life these days, but judging from that unique ceiling tile, I would guess that he’s talking on a cell phone to a man standing on the other side of the room he’s in. Why, you might ask? Because talking face-to-face is what poor people do.

  14. Terry in Maryland
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Phantom: It’s amazing that Ernesto picked up such a nice tan during the blackout.

  15. Droopy Says
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Okay, a big WTF to today’s Creepy Les. First, let us all face our secret fear that Kili the Death Kitty has stowed away, bearing the message that Les must continue to dredge up memories of Dead Fucking Lisa. Next, where is this airport? If it’s Kilimanjaro International, why do they have TSA employees and why are they all white? If it’s an American airport, why is everyone being scanned after they get off the plane? Isn’t it a bit late at this point to search anyone for weaponry? Not that TSA does this anyway.

  16. UncleJeff
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    FW: Please, Summer. Kill your father. If you do it in international territory, you might baffle authorities enough that they’ll let you go.

    9CL: Yup, Amos will replace his friend in the orchestra (running a little late for the job there, buddy) and cause a scene when he looks up Edda’s tutu.

    RMMD: Whoa, Rex. You’d better get an inventory on that fly rod collection before you dump ‘em at the local consignment auction/flea market. Antique bamboo rods are quite valuable.

  17. Pozzo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    “As a matter of fact, you *do* remind me of Foster’s fly rod collection — over-priced and strung out. Now get me my cut and stop wasting my time.

  18. pugfuggly
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    ASM ‘AAAAAA! My spidey-sense is telling me that LOUD NOISES are BAD!’

    FW Joke’s on you, Les: Summer stuffed something in your bag before you left to give herself a nice 3-5 year vacation from you!

    MT “….and HEAR ME!

    MW Dawn, always asking questions instead of harmonizing distress calls!

  19. Hibbleton
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    MT: Geez, Rusty, damn. Put a bag over your head. A lot of us read this stuff before breakfast.

    MW:Most people when they’re about to be rescued say things like “Yea! Thank God! God bless You!” Tee shirt guy is like “Finally! it’s about time. What’d stop for donuts!?”

  20. Mibbitmaker
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Luann: Last 3 balloons: Whaddaya know? They’re all actually right about something. Savor this rare opportunity…

    MT: Rusty… seeing you (as bourbon babe referenced) is their just punishment. Your work is done. (harsher than Mark’s fists!)

    Glibporn, the strip: Ha ha ha! …and EWWW!

    Glibporn, commentary: “You’re a roasting viper!” — Carla Tortelli-LeBeck

    PCity: Actually, about the same as 4 years ago, when W was president.
    Stalemate, Carmen.

    Zig: That’s “wallet”, idiot!
    (I always like to “answer” the commercial’s tag line with a ’30s/’40s Looney Tunes-esque “Oh, wouldn’t you like ta know!”)

    RwO: Someone FINALLY NOTICED! (besides me)

  21. Marc
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail- Elrod figured out how to use to zoom feature on his clip art. Save for the changed word balloon and slight zoom, today’s panel 2 is the exact same picture as panel 3 on July 16th. As soon as I saw today’s MT, I knew I had seen that toothless, bug eyed Rusy face before. So I did a little digging and low and behold:
    Today: http://www.chron.com/entertainment/comics-games/comic/Mark-Trail/
    July 16- http://www.chron.com/entertainment/comics-games/comic/Mark-Trail/29691/2012-07-16.php

  22. Crankenstank
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    [heh heh snigger snigger] he said “fly rod” [snigger snigger heh heh].

  23. Dood
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: So, “I’ll save a good one for you” is what they call it?

  24. Esther Blodgett
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    FW: I sure hope 9CL doesn’t mind me borrowing this, but…The cat, we want to see more of the cat.

    FC: Mommy! PJ just swam the entire length of a kiddie pool while you were inside doing God knows what but not supervising a baby in a a freaking kiddie pool!

    A3G: Margo and Luann exchange gang signs, signaling their readiness to pop a cap in Tommie once and for all.

  25. Dood
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: You see, when life hands you lemons…oh, who the hell am I kidding. Life only hands you money and items listed in the Robb Report.

  26. Kwazzymodo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    A3G-Luann is taken to her happy place – “pale blue walls, mustard colored trim. Yes! This feels so right.”

  27. Ed Dravecky
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#15): I’m betting there’s no direct flights from Tanzania to Westview, Ohio, so this could easily be Dulles or some other East Coast hub. And, yes, you often have to be re-screened moving from the International to the Domestic terminals, depending on the layout of the airport. (Somebody write down this date! It’s a rare occasion indeed when I feel compelled to defend Batiuk for any reason.)

  28. S.Stout
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Luann: By having Berncie say that, Evans realizes how annoying his characters are but still subjects us to an entire week of them talking about their stupid futures. Luann is one big trolling session.

  29. Dood
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Yep, pluggers are morbidly obese.

  30. Spiff Bereft
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “Rex Morgan always gets his rod.”

    June: “I have no idea what that means.”

  31. Droopy Says
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#27): Okay; that makes sense, which is something I don’t expect in FW.

  32. endless sky
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    A3G: Why do they have a framed picture of Wilbur’s jacket?

  33. Mark B.
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    MT: Somebody found ventriloquist dummy Rusty, and he isn’t happy.

  34. Dood
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: You know, if Rusty is good, someday he might become a real boy.

  35. Windier E. Megatons
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    I like to think that Rex will use the extra rod to go fly fishing, where he will run into Sam Driver, and then the next three months in both strips will just be the two of them laughing about how cartoonishly privileged they are.

  36. Mary Worthless
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Man, if they could yell like they were in the Trailverse, then the Costa Guarda coulda hear dem and start da arescuing.

    Getting saved is brutal.

  37. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    GT – This is one of my big pet peeves with the end result of the self-esteem generation. I keep running into inspirational stories about the legless dancer or the deaf conductor, or the dyslexic proofreader. And self-esteem is just great, really, good job! But, wouldn’t it make sense to build self esteem based on being really good at something relative to the rest of the human race, i.e. based on actually being accomplished, rather than just on being the best darned legless dancer you can be?

  38. Nekrotzar
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    The question posed in the final panel of A3G and then frustratingly left unanswered: does Lu Ann have a pulse?

  39. Mark B.
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#21): While those two drawings are remarkably similar, they aren’t exactly the same. The shadow of the mouth is slightly different, and to my eye, the angle is very slightly changed. I suspect he recycled the same clip art and came up with almost the same drawing.

  40. seismic-2
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    FW: For the love of God, can someone please toss a harpoon now?

    RMMD: Didn’t lottery-winner Dex already give Rex a fly rod, when he gave him the boat and outboard motor? Now Rex has to call up Carroll O’Connor to have him contribute some more fishing gear to the Morgans, too?

    A3G: The only reason to read this trip any more is to watch the three roommates completely re-arrange their orientation relative to one another randomly from one panel to the next, even in mid-sentence. It’s like rotating the spark plugs in an engine while driving the car, and about as effective.

  41. Sequitur
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    FC: Not only that, PJ added to the volume of liquid in the pool at the same time.

  42. Guts Dozier
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    FC – PJ just gave an Olympics-calibre performance! And now he’d peeing in the pool.

  43. UncleJeff
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    MT: Rusty’s dilated pupils are a sign that he is about to a) see the mountaintop optometrist b) release exploding death rays upon the VILLAINOUS poachers or c) stumble off a cliff in a meth-induced haze.

  44. Mark B.
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#39): Eh, the angle difference is probably him just rotating the image slightly. The only real difference is a slight difference in the mouth. It’s like one of those Slylock Fox ‘spot the differences’ puzzles.

  45. Dood
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#40): You get better mileage from your comic strip if you rotate characters between panels. Of course, don’t tread on Margo.

  46. hogenmogen
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Rex: Heh heh, that old man really had a nice fly rod.

  47. LP2004
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    MT: Has this strip ever given any indication that Rusty goes to school or has any contact with kids his own age? From what I’ve seen, it appears that his only contact with humans (using the word loosely) is with Mark, Cherry, Doc, the occasional visitor like Rangertommartin, and an endless parade of breathtakingly stupid criminals. No wonder he’s not very well-adjusted.

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Lio: o_O

    SBp: /facepalm.

    6Cx: guest-written by Wiley Miller.

    snark is thin on the ground this morning.

  49. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (y#271): @Nehemiah Scudder (y#272): My apologies, gentlemen. I didn’t mean to be weevil.

    Monsieur Scudder shared a favorite poem, so it seems fair to respond in kind, from that great poet Leadbelly:

    When I was a little baby,
    My mother would rock me in the cradle,
    In them old, cotton fields back home.

    Chorus:
    When them cotton bolls got rotten,
    You couldn’t pick very much cotton,
    In them old cotton fields back home.

    It was down in Louisiana,
    Just about a mile from Texarkana,
    In them old cotton fields back home.
    Chorus

    It may sound a little funny,
    But you didn’t make very much money,
    In them old cotton fields back home.
    Chorus

    I was home in Arkansas,
    People ask me what you come here for,
    In them old cotton fields back home.
    Chorus

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Love is . . .stubble burn on both cheeks.

  51. Widdle Jeffy
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Guts Dozier (#42):

    There are only two awards in the Family Olympic Circle.

    Golden and “Baby Ruth”

  52. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    FW – OK, Les is a High School English teacher, so it makes sense for him to make a Melville reference. But it still irks me when people think they are showing off just how learned and well-read they are by citing to books that every American is assigned to read in secondary school. Other than Pluggers who never made it past the eighth grade, pretty much everyone knows Moby Dick and has at least read the Cliff’s Notes, so knowing that the book exists and involves a whale is hardly an indicator of a cultured mind.

  53. CanuckDownSouth
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#27): In my experience, the only time you don’t get rescreened is if you’ve already passed customs (Canadian airports have US border guard stations). “Passing customs = leaving security” seems to be part of the design, although why this has to be so, I have no idea.

    It’s not just the US – Canadian airports also make you go back through security to get onto a domestic connection. Heck, some European airports have security just before your gate.

  54. hogenmogen
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    A3G: Lamp, doorframe, is that a toaster in panel 2? Yeah, it’s a neo-art-deco-postmodern-steam-punk-turn-of-the-century-traditional-country-gothic … office? Living room? The ubiquitous robin-egg blue paint tells us nothing, since all interiors in Manhattan share the same decor. Christ, even Mary Worth is edgy enough for a dining room wall of glossy black.

  55. Dood
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Wait’ll Clancy sees those rods. “Faith and begorrah, that’s sure as shootin’ a fine collection of unicorns…”

  56. LP2004
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn commentary: “I know people are always saying that, but it’s true. Imagine that! The beefwit hoi polloi actually got something right!

  57. Marc
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Funky- Hopefully some overworked, underpaid American employee at Kilimanjaro International Airport finds sufficient reason to suspect Moby Dickhead of being a terrorist and beats the shit out him.

    9CL- Holy stupid as fuck plot contrivances Batman!

    Mary Worth- I’ve been laboring under the impression that Dawn’s dress has somehow magically changed from purple to pink. But what do you know, that’s just Fred Weasley’s arm. And it has somehow merged with Dawn’s to form some freakish super arm.

    Luann- Luann is thinking about pushing Bernice down the escalator for not backing up her bitchiness. The designated good guy must always be put on a pedestal and must always be agreed with regardless of what a douche they are.

    Mark Trail- “There’s someone watching us…. It looks like a kid. Wait a minute…. that’s no kid. I’ve heard all the legends about there being trolls in this area, but look at that. There’s one right over there shouting to himself.”

    Archie- Don’t worry Archie, if it’s any consolation, your hair will grow back to normal by tomorrow.

  58. hogenmogen
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#52): Not only that, but Les is a smug English teacher. He’d reference books that nobody has read, just to show off. Chalk it up to four years of beatings in high school and purchasing the DVD box set of “Revenge of the Nerds”.

  59. TheDiva
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    A3G: I see the pendulum in Apartment 3-G has swung from “mind-bogglingly insane” to “incomprehensibly dull.”

  60. debussy fields
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    MT–What happened to that other kid they were calling Rusty a couple of weeks ago?

    MW–The guy in the red T-shirt is in the Top Ten of the most poorly drawn comic strip characters of 2012. Look at that arm.

    H&L–Please, no more stupid fucking jokes about “Sunbeam.”

  61. Charterstoned
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#47): I think “Mainstreaming Rusty” would be a great idea for a spin-off comic strip, in which we’d follow the trials and tribulations of the Trails’ ward as he leaves LoFo and tries to make his way in the real world. Naturally, Rusty would have to go through a period of de-programming first, including giving up his gigantic camera, maybe moving up to a real dog, getting some clue about team sports (i.e., it takes more than one person to play, baseball requires more than just a bat, etc.). It’s true that his first encounters with normal-sized animals, electricity, and landline phones that are actually connected (let’s not rush him into cell phone technology just yet…give him time) would all create opportunities for us to see more of his hideous wide-eyed astonishment, but one episode might involve a look in the mirror, followed by his visit to a plastic surgeon so that Rusty could move beyond that “Eye of the Beholder” stage and be better assimilated into real society. Just a thought.

  62. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#37): Careful. You’re treading on one of my pet peeves, and judging by the ostracization I experience whenever I give voice to it, you could end up leading a very lonely life.

  63. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#58):

    It’s just like Nabokov wrote in his unpublished final novel. “Life is brutal. But not as brutal as the beating that I’d dish out to Les Moore if I ran into him next to the school lockers!”

  64. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#58): Speaking for smug English teachers everywhere (yes, I was one for many years…English teacher, I mean. I am still WAY smug) Les’s smugness is out of bounds even for us. And if I did all those damn sidelong glances he does, my eye muscles would be in much better shape today.

  65. hogenmogen
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    And about interior decorating: Maybel’s lawyer and Rex have the exact same kind of checkerboard ceiling. So, either they have the same unusual tastes or they’re standing in the same room.

  66. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#52): Moby Dick is about a whale? Holy shit! I always thought it was a Led Zeppelin piece.

  67. Archivalist
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Margo & Lu Ann. Worst slap fight ever.

  68. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Slylock – Young Madisyn is a budding Cubist! I even looked at the drawing upside down to see if it would snap into place for me. Of course, there’s always a chance that if it does resolve itself into one drawing, I’ll be disappointed. As it is, I’m impressed. Seriously.

  69. Doctor Handsome
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    “Publicist extraordinaire? NO, LU ANN, IT’S MARGO AND TOMMIE. WE’RE YOUR ROOMMATES, REMEMBER? Sheesh, the poor dear’s gotten even dumber.”

  70. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    9 – Wackiness is promised here, but if I may second-guess for a moment, it would be funnier if Flynn was way shorter and bigger around the waist. Or a dame. Or a piccolo player.

  71. btown
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MW: Wow, from the looks of it, Dawn and the guy in the red shirt seem to have mutated into a single organism, sharing an arm. How do they do it?!?!

  72. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Judge – “A 1976 St. James Cabernet! And what’s this? A notorious 1946 MacGuffin, with radioactive plot elements!”

    love is… …shaving.

  73. bbofun
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    GT- “I’m a do-it-yourself kid of guy! plus, dealing with those organizations sounds like too much research- um, trouble!”

    JP- So- Sam’s going to find out that there’s a bunch of valuable wine in the cellar, and the crooks will give up their lives of crime to become sommeliers? Or something like that. Of course, not until Sam gets his pick out of the cellar.

    9CL- Yes, please. Make fun of Gilligan’s Island. Because you are so much more sophisticated than it is. (And, besides- if there was a “forbidden episode” of Gilligan’s Island, it would be out on DVD, and you could watch it whenever you wanted to. What, is it on PPV?) (And I always assumed the “forbidden episode” would involve either Gilligan/Skipper or Mary Ann/Ginger slash-fic)

    Well, I have to go portray a sheep. Have fun, everybody.

  74. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Les is constantly referencing books no one has read. That’s why we don’t recognize them. Oh, the esoteric puns we are missing!

    Now you must excuse me, I have to go put talmud powder on my midrash.

  75. UncleJeff
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    DT: Let’s see, Chief Patton was shot in the head and now is walking around without a bandage (those Mark Trail healing powers flow throughout the comics kingdom). Patton’s apparently healthy enough to lead a coverup of a big shootout that left several people dead and his chief detective missing-in-action.
    Sam Ketchem, it’s your time to shine!

  76. Anonymous
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#37):

    I have no sense of humor and my command of the English language is poor yet I keep posting my tripe hoping that Josh will pick me for a special place on the COTW parade.

    Maybe I can be the best horse shit sweeper in the last ten years. Lord (and Josh) knows I have tried.

  77. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Mark – Over hill, over dale,
    They will beat up Rusty Trail,
    As the poachers go poaching along!

    Shooting sheep from a plane,
    Perfect plan I can’t explain
    And the poachers go poaching along!

    That old sheep is grass,
    And they’ll kick young Rusty’s ass!
    Bust up his camera when you do! (One! Two!)

    But it all goes splish
    When his ‘dad’ comes back to fish
    Till then, poachers go poaching along (Keep ‘em poaching!)
    And the poachers go poaching along!

  78. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Mary – “The helicopter sees us! They’re dropping things! Things that… explode!”

    Family – “PJ is an Olympic swimmer! He c’n do the crawl!” AWWWWW.

  79. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    9CL: What, exactly, is the problem here? There were tickets available for Amos, which he must have already known about, and Seth has made it clear that he’s left countless messages for Amos to this effect. So why can’t he sit in the audience, and when the dance is over go up and propose?

    And then, of course, there’s the whole thing of firing a dancer because she’s been irresponsible and unpredictable, and then allowing her one final performance. Because an irresponsible and unpredictable dancer would never do anything irresponsible or unpredictable during her last performance after being fired, would she?

  80. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @maughta (#y273): Root against Jerry? Not Tom? Tom was such a loser, one eventually had to start rooting for his speedy defeat, despite his abundant natural talents (which distinguished him from the ‘pure’ losers like Barney Bear and Donald Duck, who were defeated by ever-smaller foes — pretty sure Donald Duck was outfoxed by an amoeba at least once).

  81. TheDiva
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    9CL: Hey, whatever it takes to end this arc.

    C’shaft: ….What?

    FW: It’s funny because Moby Dick was about a whale, and also because Mount Kilimanjaro is well-known for its large aquatic mammals.

    Luann: Did….did Tiffany just make a valid point against Luann? When did I step through the wormhole into a parallel universe?

    MT: Don’t worry, Rusty. One look at that face and they’ll run screaming mad off a cliff.

    MW: I love the indignant anger from the guy in panel one. “Well, finally! Don’t they know I can’t wait around all day to be rescued? I have theater tickets!”

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “I have put serious thought into what Drusilla smells like while burning. I am a very, very disturbed person.”

    Pluggers think any form of physical movement counts as “exercise.”

    SM: Well, good thing Spidey decided to punch Clown-9 in the nose, and not the gut or the groin…

  82. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#79): Gee, they don’t come much stabler than dancers, man! Everybody knows that ballerinas are veritable paragons of predictability, renowned for their even tempers and iron impulse control!

  83. Cloudbuster
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Drew Funk (#2): I suspect it’s code for “What Wilson wants his wife to get him for Christmas.”

  84. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

  85. hogenmogen
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#15): Although it is not out of the realm of possibility, it is still very unlikely that an American TSA team will not include a single non-caucasian.

  86. Braniff
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    FC: “Mommy: PJ wants to indorse Dumpers–the official Olympic diapers for those athletes who aren’t housebroken.”

  87. Tom the Sailor Man
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    I’ve been away on work travel and vacation for a couple of weeks, and I come home to find that my local newspaper has dropped Hagar the Horrible and replaced it with Pearls Before Swine! Woo-hoo!

    That, and Les Moore is still a dick.

  88. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#73):

    Well, I have to go portray a sheep. Have fun, everybody.

    @lynn (#74):

    Now you must excuse me, I have to go put talmud powder on my midrash.

    Okay, everyone is having a far more interesting (if vaguely disturbing) day than I am. Stop it!

  89. Droopy Says
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#81): But Moby Dick was pursued by–an Old Man! At Sea! So it’s a Hemingway reference after all! If Creepy Les says that tomorrow, the universe will implode.

  90. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    ASM – It’s times like these that make you wish Spidey carried a gun. Shoot the bastard and get it done with. Oh yeah, this is NYC, why haven’t the cops shot him yet?

    JP and RMMD – Welcome to the comics convergence, or maybe the Herb Orvis convention. Will some of the homo-eroticism from JP make it into the Morganverse? Hey the Carroll O Conner lookalike lawyer is saving a good rod for Rex.

    Jumpstart – Graft and favoritism are always good for a laugh. Next time I get stopped I’m throwing around Frank Cobb’s name, too!

    Marvin – shut up, kid, you COULD grow up to look like Johnny Depp. You already smell like him.

  91. casino LF
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    9CL: I’m now rooting for Amos’ more attractive, sandy-haired twin to be the protagonist of this comic, even if that’s basically like comparing the relative hotness of Topher Grace to Tobey McGuire.

    MT: Rusty must’ve lost a lot of “hide and seek” games as a small child. Also, THE HORROR

    FW: Man, I hope Les doesn’t get a disembodied Lisa call and dies in a fiery plane crash this time. No wait … I hope he gets sucked out the plane door mid-flight. After, all the stewardesses and people sitting near him would probably clap.

  92. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Sorry folks. I’m seeing absolutely no opportunity for a “guy walks into a bar” joke.

    I’ll check in later, ‘k?

    // Hey, it’s what I do. I wanted to be an astronaut.

  93. Mat
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#37): *flop* Hey! *thump* I *wriggle* resent that! *flomp*!

  94. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

  95. Bob
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#37): *splash* Me too! *glub glub*

  96. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    squee is . . . .puppy howls. *melts*

    bourbon babe, unbuckled can haz bacon?

    for bats :[.

    Mary-Jane cosplay, done rite.

    One Piece cosplay for the ladies and Dingos.

    parenting win.

    a little something for Poteet.

    soon. (there will be noms. . . .)

    epic corgsqui.

  97. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: If I were Thel I’d be more worried about the health of a toddler who looks completely exhausted after swimming seven feet across a pool. Of course if, as Esther Blodgett points out, she’s not overly concerned about the same toddler being in a pool unsupervised to begin with, maybe she just doesn’t care what form it takes, as long as death gets rid of at least one of her brood.

  98. Ian Beste
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @Guts Dozier (#42): That’s a pool? I thought it was a giant lasagna tray…

  99. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#82): I understand their emotional stability is right up there with 1970s rock stars.

  100. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#52): You’re right that everybody knows what Moby Dick is, but hardly anyone’s read it. If they did, they’d realize it’s far funnier–and far dirtier–than classic literature is supposed to be.

  101. Cloudbuster
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    a @Charterstoned (#61): Wow, that would be an awesome strip, written in a self-aware style. I’d do it, if, you know, I had any actual artistic talent.

  102. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#100): You’re right that everybody knows what [the Bible] is, but hardly anyone’s read it. If they did, they’d realize it’s far funnier–and far dirtier–than classic literature is supposed to be.

    FTFY.

  103. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    And I am a religious person, by the bye.

  104. Illustrator Steve
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    MT – I see that the color monkeys have found the real Rusty clip art and have stopped using the normal looking human clip art. One look at the real Rusty’s face this morning was enough to ruin breakfast and want to make a complaint call to the newspaper.

  105. Cloudbuster
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#79): 9CL: What I’m really curious about is what excuse Brooke will invent to dress Edda in sexy dancewear after she’s lost her dancing job.

    When you’re a ballet dancer, getting a new job usually means relocating to a new city. Though I suppose NYC is one of the few places where that’s not necessarily true.

  106. Cloudbuster
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#88): I’d empathize, but I have to go down to my lair to supervise the completion of my Doomsday machine.

  107. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#92): An astronaut walks into a bar. The bartender says:

    (1) “Hey, we’ve got a drink named after you!”
    “You’ve got a drink named Buzz?”
    “Yeah.”
    “Well, that’s not much of a joke.”
    (2) “What is this, a history lesson?”
    (3) The Astrocats.

  108. Cloudbuster
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#99): That’s really not fair to 70s rock stars.

  109. terrapin
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MT: Photography used to be a favorite hobby of mine so, for me, the funniest part of today’s strip is that these guys are going to go through all the trouble of trying to get the camera from Rusty even though there is no way the little mutant could take a clear picture, with a lens that big and heavy, without a tripod.

    That’s all I got today.

  110. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#100): Today’s One Big Happy raises an interesting theological point concerning Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit.

    But then, there’s also this question concerning their inability to get back into Eden. And why does nobody ever mention the third Tree of Not Forbidden But Really Not Recommended Fruit?

  111. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#106): Yeah? Well, well…I’m going to go…go…practice my laugh. Yeah, that’s right. “A lot of guys ignore the laugh, and that’s about standards. I mean, if you’re gonna get into the Evil League of Evil, you have to have a memorable laugh.”

  112. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#48): I’m with you. There’s not many openings today. Therefore, a mostly appreciative read this morning:

    Arlo and Janis: This joke also works with the popping sound made by various joints.

    Cul de Sac: “But I wanted a zebra” is a fitting punchline for so much of life.

    Frank and Ernest: Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

    Judge Parker: Wine and pot, wine and pot, doesn’t anything else go on in California? Maybe Sam and Avery’s life will be truly threatened when they stumble across some legitimately dangerous, like poachers flying in to decapitate bighorn sheep or a stolen iPhone 5 prototype.

    Mark Trail: Look out, Rusty! Now you’ve made Johnny Cash mad!

    Mary Worth: I’d look pissy too if a helicopter were about to fly into my face. Also, glad Dawn shaves her pits.

    Snuffy Smith: Check with your cousin Olive Oyl, Snuffy. Last I heard, she was trying to get rid of $60 billion. Say, why the hell didn’t she give some of it to charity, anyway?

    Tom Toles: Also works for government efforts to create jobs.

  113. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#106): Count Weirdly????

  114. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#102): Correct.

  115. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#92): A rabbi walks into a bar mitzvah…

  116. Cloudbuster
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#111): Well-played, sir. You’ll be hearing from The Thoroughbred of Sin any day now, I’m sure.

  117. AndyL
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Look, this writer/artist feud in A3G is getting old. What the writer needs to do to kick it up a notch is to turn in a weeks worth of scripts with no dialog, where all the action is about kicking things.

  118. Cloudbuster
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    ASM: As far as I’m concerned, as long as this strip consists of Spiderman being repeatedly humiliated by Clown-9, this plot can go on forever!

  119. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#112): “Check with your cousin Olive Oyl, Snuffy” – I’m sure Snuffy has checked out all his female cousins.

  120. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#114): Hit reply too soon. There is a very long, very funny, section of Ellison’s Invisible Man where the main character gets in hot water by telling the scandalous story of a local family to a visiting bigwig. The story, of course, is based on Lot and his daughters.

  121. Cloudbuster
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#110): Ha! I love the expression on Adam’s face in the last panel!

  122. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#57): Don’t worry Archie, if it’s any consolation, your hair will grow back to normal by tomorrow.

    Oh sure, the artist wants you to think it’s Archie. But for all we know, that’s Rusty wearing a paper bag over his head.

  123. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#110): Adam and Eve walk into a bar in Leola, Pennsylvania and order apple juice.

    The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”

  124. Dennis Jimenez
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#123): A Neutron walks into a bar in Los Alamos and orders a drink – the bar tender says, “for you there is no charge.”

  125. Oregonian
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    A3G – “her previous boyfriend, who died in Tibet, for real”

    I don’t believe that for a second. This is a soap opera, dammit. Characters routinely vanish under mysterious circumstances and then reappear months or years later.

    Mark my words, Margo’s boyfriend will show up on her doorstep in 2013. It will turn out that he was hit in the head by a rock in the avalanche and he’s spent the last few years living in a cave with a yeti, drinking yak tea and recovering from his amnesia.

  126. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#96): Awwww—puppy kisses!

    @pastordan (#100): No kidding. I didn’t read it until grad school, and I loved it. And even Judge Parker can’t compare in terms of homoeroticism (that whole ambergris scene? wow).

  127. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#123): Adam and Eve walk into a bar in Intercourse, PA and the bartender says, “Hey, don’t blame the apple, it was the pear on the ground…”

  128. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    The amazing spiderman walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Don’t waste your time ordering, our cable’s out.”

  129. Gringo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    A3-G: LuAnn is having either a stroke or an orgasm in that second panel. It being LuAnn, I’d go with the former.

    Doones: Sometimes meta is too meta, Garry.

  130. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#126): I’ll bet you loved Billy Budd.

  131. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    A happy 61st birthday to Jay “Dennis the Menace” North!

  132. Steve
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    S-M: The only way this storyline makes sense is if it turns out to be Peter’s dream. There’s no other reason for Clown-9′s life decisions to be so Spider-Man-centric. Also, stuff keeps turning into other stuff.

  133. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#126): I was fortunate enough to get paid to read the damn thing! Working a temp job where there was literally nothing more to do than answer the phones, so I finished it in about a week. Can’t argue with that.

  134. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#127): You know what they say in Lancaster County, right? You’ve got to go through Blue Ball and Intercourse to get to Paradise…

  135. Legend of the Arctic
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    What about Mary Worth, Josh? Wilbur may be dying at this very moment, and it is going completely unmocked!

  136. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#124):

    “A Neutron walks into a bar in Los Alamos and orders a drink – the bar tender says, “for you there is no charge.”

    And the Neutron replies: “How sad is it that this is the most positive thing I’ve heard all week?”

  137. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Family – PJ’s already a master at a particularly valuable skill for olympic swimmers.

  138. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#116): His is a truly evil whinny.

  139. Steve
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#132): Thirdly, the screeching sound is probably Peter’s alarm clock.

  140. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#134):

    Just don’t lose your faith, or you could end up in Pottstown.

  141. Gringo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#66): Moby Dick is about a whale? Holy shit! I always thought it was a Led Zeppelin piece.

    Dang, I always assumed it was a porno with an electronica soundtrack.

  142. Snarkotix Addict
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Luann If Tiffany is supposed to be such a horrible bitch, why don’t we get to see her tear Luann a new one?

  143. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#121): I believe it is an expression recognised by husbands the world over. (For my safety, delete this comment after reading.)

  144. odinthor
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    #112. pastordan.

    Wine and pot, wine and pot, doesn’t anything else go on in California?

    Sex, and reading the Bible and Moby Dick, if that’s any different.

    You’ll have to excuse me, now I’ve got to go and attend to some chapter and verse…

  145. Not Just any Dipstick
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#50): I read that as on ‘butt cheeks’, hee hee.

  146. Dood
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s Spider-Man: “But those aren’t my real balls!”

  147. Not Worth It
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#39): If you overlay the images using transparency, you will find that, in addition to the size difference, there is a precisely 4 degree rotation. I see no other variation.

  148. Downpuppy
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    A3G – How does Tommie afford a new shirt every 15 seconds? White, green, collared, teeshirt? I think somebody is just messing with us. It’s tough to believe nobody involved with the strip cares enough to keep her in the same shirt through a single scene, ever.

  149. RavenHawk
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    FW: If there was any justice in the world, on the flight home, Les would be “sandwiched” between two morbidly obeese Twilight fans, arguing about who is hotter, Jacob or Edward.

    Try to quip you’re way into that conversation, douchebag.

  150. Perky Bird
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#142): Also, if we’re supposed to mock Tiffany’s dreams of being “discovered” while playing a bit part in a movie, have we seen any evidence that her acting ability is really so very bad? Or at least, that it’s any worse than Luann’s acting ability? I mean, if Tiffany has won beauty pagents, that at least shows someone thinks she’s pretty and has poise and some degree of charm, which is sometimes really all you need to get a “bit” role.

  151. RavenHawk
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#146): Nice one, Dood.

  152. Chip Whittle
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#125):

    Mark my words, Margo’s boyfriend will show up on her doorstep in 2013.

    Jeez, with how time passes in the soap strips it’ll take like till the 27th century for Apartment 3-G to reach 2013. Heck, when Tommie writes checks she still puts the date in Roman numerals. Lu Ann was using knots tied in string until Margo said she wasn’t going to untie her loose anymore.

  153. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @RavenHawk (#149): Yes, but Les could sidelong glance himself into oblivion.

  154. Mcbain
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    MW: Yes the people in the copter see you. Unfortunately, it’s a news copter. Rescuing you would mean getting involved in the story, which is a violation of journalistic integrity. They’re just here to chronicle your demise.

  155. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    By the way, is Skeezix gonna show up and help Crankshaft ruin his electronics?

    There you go, you old fart.

    Who YOU talkin’ to, YOU old fart?

  156. Liam
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    MW-I’m sorry that helicopter is not for you. It’s for another ship that is sinking. The crew for that ship went through the proper procedures of a sinking vessel.

  157. LP2004
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#81): MT: Hey, maybe that explains why Rusty never goes to school. Mark and Cherry tried sending him to school once, but the other kids were so terrified by him that they all immediately thought themselves into the nearest cornfield.

  158. Liam
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G-We may now enact our suicide pact.

  159. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#140): All things considered, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.

  160. Vanya
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#142): You’ve put your finger on the problem. Tiffany is supposed to be a “mean girl”/”Heather” type. Yet she never seems to have no power, no popularity and no clique of followers. The whole strip reads as if Greg just skipped straight to the last act of the movie where our heroes finally get payback. Since we have never seen any of the first three acts where Tiffany actually was a bitch, the reader is left baffled. Unless you are a Gocomics reader, I guess.

  161. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    S-M: If Clown 9 has super ear plugs that protect him from the super-loud sound of his nose horn, how could he hear what Spider-Man said in the first panel?

  162. Vanya
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#4): Now I get it. Mark Trail is actually set in the HP Lovecraft universe, but the stories are told from the point of view of the eldrich unspeakable evil!

  163. Sequitur
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#161): Logic. Love it.

  164. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    MW – the helicopter clearly is carrying the captain and his crew of mimes off to safety. Of course, with Captain Smith’s luck, expect to see a fireball off in the distance very shortly.

  165. seismic-2
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#155): You’re right – Skeezix and Crankshaft are both WWII vets, so they are roughly contemporaries (as are, therefore, their daughters Clovia and Pam). Insofar as I know, however, Crankshaft’s father isn’t still living. (And can you imagine what he’d be like, if he were?)

  166. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#161): Say what? I got these super earplugs in. Can’t hear a thing.

  167. Shrug
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#134):

    Before we married, the first Mrs. Shrug taught school for a couple of years in the small Minnesota town of Climax.

    (And yes, I’ve heard all of the possible joke variations, but don’t let that stop you.)

  168. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Vanya (#162): And Rusty is now in the Mountains of Madness. Well, Knolls of Odd, at least.

  169. Alter Ego
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    love is… playing along with his crossdressing fantasies.

  170. Shrug
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#155):

    You know, it just now occured to me that when my local paper dropped GASOLINE ALLEY twenty or so years ago, GA was also in the middle of an “old guy having trouble coming to terms with techno device he had just acquired” plotline (in that case, it was Walt and a computer). And here we go again.

  171. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#167): “Before we married, the first Mrs. Shrug taught school for a couple of years in the small Minnesota town of Climax.” – so, marrying you was anti-climactic?

  172. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    ha, I crack myself up!

  173. bats :[
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Rex could only be better if he was a mohel (Oy!).
    And I was going to post this bright ‘n’ early…you know how that goes.
    I do so love Rex!

  174. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#166): One of the earliest jokes I recall being told was the one about the man with carrots in his ears.

  175. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

  176. Shrug
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#167):

    On the other hand, while I may have heard all of the jokes, I had not previously heard this Wikipedia True Fact Thing:

    “Climax, founded in 1896, was named after a chewing tobacco company.”

  177. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#176): I think this would be ‘climax’ in the sense of ‘finishing’ as in, my chewing tobacco habit finished off my marriage.

  178. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#173): So a mohel walks into a motel and the motel owner says, “What do you think this is, a short cut?”

  179. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    So I am eating lunch at my desk and laughing out loud to myself, but luckily everyone here knows that my meds will kick in soon. Can’t take ‘em on an empty stomach, you know.

  180. Liam
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    MT-It looks like a kid. I think it’s a kid. It is the size of a kid and is standing upright like a kid would but it looks like some sort of wolf like creature.

    JP-And Sam originally thought that these guys were just some dirty dirty poor people whose wine comes in boxes.

  181. Liam
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-I think Foster would want to not be dead more than Rex having one of his fishing rods.

  182. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#167): I bet living in Climax was gratifying. Probably self-gratifying, more often than not.

  183. comicsgrl
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    I normally lurk here but now I couldn’t help but help but guess the next 2 weeks of 9CL. I predict next week to be nothing but panels filled with Amos passionately playing chello. The week after will be Edda passionately dancing. The week after that will be filled with the both of them together yet not seeing eachother. Nothing will contain any dialogue – just Brooke showing off his artistic ability. I’ll go back in a month and there will be finally a resolution to this inane story? Maybe, maybe not. Oh well.

  184. comicsgrl
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @comicsgrl (#183):

    Whoops – Cello.

  185. pugfuggly
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#164):

    Crew of mimes? No wonder they crashed.

    “First mate Marceau, what is the problem?….yes,yes, the ship…the ship is headed towards…something…something big?…and…and you and I, we’re going to be…upside down?…and thrashing…then…lying motionless? …So what you’re saying is tha-[CRASH]“

  186. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @comicsgrl (#183): A few questions about your vision:

    Will the cat come wondering through?

    Will their be a panel showing only intertwined hands?

    Will Amos get so hot and bothered playing cello while watching Edda dance that his glasses perch precariously on the end of his nose?

    Will Edda do swan dive into the pit, right on top of the overheated Amos?

    Will the vicariously living gay couple behind the stage stare in wide-eyed wonderment (which for McEldowney is ten times bigger than human eyes?)

    Will there be a crowd shot with the aforementioned huge eyes and tiny mouths formed in little oooo’s?

    Wow, can’t say Brooke is predictable.

  187. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#159): If that had quote marks around it, it would be “I would rather be living in Philadelphia.” I’m a crank on the subject, and corrected Wikipedia to the proper wording (along with its original source) so I wouldn’t be tempted as much to give the whole story every single time it comes up.

    @Shrug (#167): I knew someone who lived in Fairplay, Colorado, which was often called Foreplay, because it led to Climax. (Not the one in MN.)

  188. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @comicsgrl (#183): @Chaze126 (#186):

    Oh, dog help us, you are both right. We established during the “Edda and Amos have sex in Belgium while being secretly videotaped by perverts in a hot air balloon” arc that Edda is brought to orgasm by the sight and sound of Amos playing the cello. So we are in for an extended round of pit jumping and hand fucking. Good thing they already fired her for being flighty and unprofessional.

  189. Sequitur
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#186):

    Will Edda do swan dive into the pit, right on top of the overheated Amos?

    Too bad it’s a borrowed cello. It would be interesting to see Edda swan dive into the pit breaking up the new cello she bought Amos and also breaking up the parts of her she would be using for modeling.

  190. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Yes Lu Ann, this is the office of the publicist extraordinaire. Or the party planner extraordinaire. Maybe the gallery owner extraordinaire. In any event, it’s the office of someone extraordinary at getting other peons to do the actual work.

    RMMD: By now, serial strips have done a few fishing storylines. I don’t know of any scenes of drunks squabbling over fishing gear, though. I kind of hope we get to see that.

    MT: “There’s someone watching us. It looks like the missing link as interpreted by Margaret Keane.”

    MW: Unfortunately for them, the helicopter only holds the crew of “Italy’s Funniest Disaster Videos.”

    WofI: “Um, because we just saw him holding the fucking reins. Do you have a concussion?”

    9CL: I’m not exactly sure why the Professor’s proposing to Mary Ann, regardless of how ill-advised while stranded on an island, would make it a forbidden episode. Now Patty and Cathy making out on the Patty Duke show, that’s another story.

    JP: Oh yeah, Bartles and St James. They used to have the funniest commercials.

    H&L: “That TV show I told you about” A|K|A “That Popular Show All the Kids Are Watching.”

    GT: Now that Thorp has finally gone color, Steve is looking even more like a young Mark Hamill. Won’t it be a kick if it turns out that he lost his hand in a duel with his evil father?

    Phantom: I love love love this referee. Sure the match may have been inflated into an epic battle of good vs. evil, and yes the crowd is excitedly shouting out the title of their favorite Jim Carrey movie. But screw ‘em all, the ref can’t be bothered to hide his boredom.

    EC: Strong in the running for stupidest comics character today is Len Ardin, who apparently thought no one would notice his car was dragging something twice its size.

    M-Dawg: Dammit, Marmaduke thought he had eliminated all the witnesses. Oh well, this one is foolish enough to come to him.

  191. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

  192. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#161): Every time something like that happened, a wizard did it.

  193. Gringo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @comicsgrl (#183): I prefer this storyline:

    Edda, failing to spot Amos in the orchestra pit, leaves the theater, flies off despondently to Vienna to see Granny and marries the first neo-Nazi she sees.

    Amos finds solace in the arms and bed of Seth.

    McElClowney takes a hike up Kilimanjaro and plummets to his death, while making puns about Mozart the whole way down.

  194. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#192): “Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards; it makes them soggy and hard to light.”

  195. Gringo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Also, if McElClowney had any humanity in him, the focus would now shift from Edda-Amos and follow the other cellist as he goes home to watch Gilligan’s Island.

  196. seismic-2
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Give me your jacket, tie and cello!

    I’ve been trying all morning without success to work that sentence into the conversation at the office, so I’m finally giving up and just using it here instead.

  197. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#18):

    ASM ‘AAAAAA! My spidey-sense is telling me that LOUD NOISES are BAD!’

    The radioactive spider bite gave Peter Parker the proportional hearing of a guy who can hear.

  198. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#194): Oh, yes, and don’t throw cigarette butt in the urinals, for they are subtle and quick to anger.

  199. Downpuppy, CPA
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    RxMorgan – Today’s strip bugs the bejeesus out of me for sloppiness. Rex got a cash gift from a guy who was basically broke. OK, a gray area, we can overlook the fraudulent transfer issues. But now? This is tangible personal property. Isn’t it more likely Mabel’s joint property, or the estate’s, in which case subject to the claims of creditors? Rex is King of the World, able to override the laws of intestate succession, community property and manslaughter!

    Not Clown9, who scoffs at Conservation of Mass, but pretty impressive.

  200. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#186): Will Clown-9 show up?

  201. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    I don’t follow FW at all, but I do know it takes place in Ohio and involves lots of death and smirking. So here’s part of an email from a friend, and I’m wondering if she’s describing Funky-town:

    Still, we’re driving through the Bermuda Triangle of Ohio: Zanesville. I’ve had two different cars die there. Pam went off the highway and into a ditch (her cat was freaking out, so she looked over her shoulder). My friend Dave was nearly killed by another driver. Even my parents had something bad-ish happen to them around Zanesville. Not a cool place, I tell you.

  202. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#110) Re: One Big Happy’s theological point— Ruthie asks, “…why didn’t they just squeeze it to make juice?”. Well, Ruthie, that’s exactly what Adam and Eve did, and that’s why they got into trouble.

  203. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

  204. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#193): To hell with Edda and Amos. I’m picturing tender romance with comicsgrl and chaze126. They seem like kindred souls.

  205. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#202): Hold onto that Bible you’re reading. Although it’s more recent than the 16th century “Breeches Bible,” the “Jack Lalanne’s Juicer Bible” is still worth a lot of money.

  206. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    9CL – And who is this lead cellist that is showing up at the concert hall only a few minutes before the show begins, and then allows a friend who has had no role in the production, and certainly hasn’t been to any rehearsals, or even gone over the music he will be playing, take his cello and perform in his stead while he runs home to watch bad syndicated TV reruns?

    Maybe Edda isn’t the only member of the production with serious issues involving professionalism and reliability, is what I’m saying.

  207. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#204): I play the saxophone. Is that as sexy as a cello?

  208. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#200): Based on his penchant for interrupting bad performances and gatherings of stuffed shirts, I would say 9CL should be right in Clown 9′s sweet spot.

  209. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#206): His name is Flynn. First name or last? Based on 9CL’s pretentious bent, I would say first name. Last name Boyle, maybe.

  210. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Meta-Uber-Proto-Pomo-Nega-Trans-Fat-Non-Existential Snark!

    BRB: Ha ha! It’s funny because technology exists! Oh, those wacky kids and their things that weren’t invented yet years ago!

    Caldecott: Wow, a Kentucky Derby reference. Way to stay on top of current events, Newberry.

    CF: What the hell? A carburetor?

    Dr.Q: Ohhhh, SO close. The Russian judge gives her an 8.

    FFTT: Yeah, but Oakley’s bite isn’t that great, either.

    GW: Finally! A golf joke! I can exhale now.

    Littleton: Paging the ghost of Dingo! Double-entendre cleanup on aisle 69!

    R-M: If there’s a vibrator in that box, I’ll take back everything bad I’ve ever said about this strip.

    SCCS: I think we’ve found Mark Trail‘s Rusty’s real mom!

    TF: I can’t tell if this is A) a flashback, B) color-monkey fail, or C) the MS Paint Fill Tool got stuck on “tan.”

    TF (snark no. 2): This is clearly Photoshopped. You can tell by the pixels. I can tell from having seen quite a few ‘shops in my day.

    YOG(MD): Is there anything Bitchy McBitcherson here doesn’t hate? To end up this bitter, he must have been tortured in prison camp in World War I World War II Korea Vietnam Grenada whatever war he’s supposed to be a veteran of now. On the bright side, other cartoonists now know that yes, it IS still too soon for a 9/11 joke. Someone had to take that bullet.

  211. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#20):

    Zig: That’s “wallet”, idiot!

    That really bugged me, too. If you’re going to make a joke based on a commercial tagline, then use the damned tagline! What’s Wilson worried about? That CapitalOne is going to sue him?

  212. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#207): More importantly, what dance style does comicsgrl favor?

  213. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    I picture comicsgrl as young, earnest, a bit steampunk…

  214. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#194): True fact: Peter Boyle, better known for playing Frank in “Everybody Loves Raymond” and the monster in “Young Frankenstein,” also played the part of an eminence grise who gives really sketchy advice to his fellow cabbies in Taxi Driver. He’s the guy who connects Travis Bickle with gun dealer. The character’s name? Wizard.

    So when I say “a Wizard did it” and you say “don’t meddle in the affairs of Wizards,” I like to think we’re not talking about that hack in Id.

  215. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#209):

    Flynn? Sounds fake. I’ll just keep calling him Walter Jr.

    (And, yes, I am still recovering from the Breaking Bad marathon. “Face Off” indeed.)

  216. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#212): Well, comicsgrrl would have play punk, no “steam” attached…

  217. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#210):

    BRB: Ha ha! It’s funny because technology exists! Oh, those wacky kids and their things that weren’t invented yet years ago!

    While I don’t normally defend BRB, in this case I have to cut him some slack due to the skateboarder in the background who, like the reader, looks like he’s heard this joke one too many times, too. So a point for meta, maybe? (Plus there’s a “Hot Barbara” sighting in the second frame.)

  218. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#205) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#202): Hold onto that Bible you’re reading. Although it’s more recent than the 16th century “Breeches Bible,” the “Jack Lalanne’s Juicer Bible” is still worth a lot of money.”

    Yeah, ol’ Jack definitely had a unique perspective. He not only identified a specific fruit as the forbidden one, he spelled it idiosycratically as “Cum Quat”.

  219. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#214): Ever see Peter Boyle play Sen. Joe McCarthy in “Tail Gunner Joe”? Worth seeing.

  220. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#213): Mmmmm….we’re talking May/December here then. Maybe even Feb/December.

  221. commodorejohn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Apropos of absolutely nothing except some other ‘Mudges’ tastes for Dave Barry and/or ’60s music, I have just discovered that Barry’s occasionally-cited college band Federal Duck was not only a real band in the sense that they were a group of people that played music, but they actually recorded and released an album! No, really! Sadly, apparently Dave left the band shortly before the recording, but still. I haven’t heard it yet, but apparently it’s pretty decent.

    FC – I wish I could unsee Dolly’s showgirl swimsuit. What is this, the Keane Follies?

    FW – KILL HIM

    HOTC – Maybe this’ll do like the Excel Saga sewer episode and turn into roughly an Aliens parody. Though I suppose we can’t expect the same levels of violence.

    JP – “Oh, I went down to the St. James Winery, to see my baby there…” [*]

    Luann – It’s Everybody Is Hateful Day in Luann! (Oh wait, every day is Everybody Is Hateful Day in Luann!) Quick, let’s find someone with spare nukes and loose ethics, and use this to convince them to end the strip!

    Mandrake – Honestly, would evildoers confronted by these two in their normal outfits be able to keep a straight face?

    MT – Good camouflage there, Rusty.

    Marmaduke – …okay, let’s say you are Marmaduke author/artists Paul and Brad Andersen, and you get the idea for Marmaduke chewing on a canoe paddle, for whatever reason. Do you then A. find a setting in which it would be natural to depict both Marmaduke and an aggrieved canoeist (say, a state park,) B. depict the aggrieved canoeist in the standard Marmaduke suburban setting and leave to the reader the potentially amusing mental image of Marmaduke going out, finding a canoe paddle, and returning home with it, all for the sake of having one, or C. for some reason depict the canoeist as having portaged his canoe all the way from wherever he was planning to use it to the sidewalk in front of the Winslow residence presumably just to make a point? If you chose C, congratulations! You are certifiably insane!

    MW – Hey, Dawn, maybe if you cross your eyes harder, the helicopter will look closer to you.

    OBH – The first three panels I can take or leave, but man is that punchline gold.

    RMMD – It’s like we’ve known all along: what Rex wants is a good stiff rod.

    Ripley’s – Chambered nautiluses are up to something. Just look at them. Shifty little bastards.

    SM – “Sound! My only weakness!

    Ziggy – Is it me, or is this a hobo joking about his surreptitious masturbation?

  222. Farley's Revenge
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#50): Depending on the cheeks to which you are referring, it could also be TMI.

  223. pastordan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#219): That sounds hilarious.

  224. Northern lurker
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    MT: now we know what happened in the Dyatlov Pass-those poor skiers saw Rusty.

  225. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#220): Which one is May and which is December? If she’s the December, she can Charleston to your sax. Very McEldowney.

  226. Calico
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    JP – Isn’t Cab good for only a few years, in comparison to other reds? I think Merlot and Burgundies hold up much better in terms of longevity.

  227. Peanut Gallery
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#107):
    4) I’m not serving you — you look way too spaced-out already.
    5) You can come in, but no golf jokes!

  228. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Northern lurker (#224): It’s good to kill sheep, isn’t it Rusty? Reeeeeeeal good.

    Those are bad men. Real bad.

    Rusty, where’d they go? Not the cornfield!!

  229. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#223): A real hatchet job! I almost felt sorry for McCarthy! Boyle was amazing.

  230. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#223): Boyle and Burgess Merideth doing, verbatim from the transcripts, the famous “fairy” exchange…

  231. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#225): If I were any more December, I’d be in January of next year (60 y/o)

  232. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#57):

    Archie- Don’t worry Archie, if it’s any consolation, your hair will grow back to normal by tomorrow.

    If you define “waffle iron on the sides” as normal.

  233. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#231): I didn’t realize the 126 referred to your age, sorry!

  234. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#167): Your “Climax” reference kinda/sorta ties in with the reference to “Gilligan’s Island” in the current 9CL:

    TINA LOUISE (Ginger) also played Appassionata von Climax in the original Broadway version of “Li’l Abner”!

  235. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#221):

    Quick, let’s find someone with spare nukes and loose ethics, and use this to convince them to end the strip!

    The fluffy cat from Pearls Before Swine definitely has the latter, and just might have the former. Think Pastis would turn him loose?

  236. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#231): Hey, wait. If that makes you December, I’m, like, late November. I AM NOT LATE NOVEMBER!

  237. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#233):

    It’s worse than you think – 126 is the birth year.

  238. The Ridger
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#52): Heck, many more people watched the movie, so it doesn’t even prove Les read the book.

  239. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#238):

    Yes, my High School had us read “Billy Budd” and then watch the movie version of “Moby Dick” in order to fulfill our Homoerotic Subtext curriculum requirements.

  240. Jason1981
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Spidey will wake up in front of his tv to hear : “This was a test. This was only a test of the Emergency Clown-9 System. If this had NOT been a test, well, Spidey, you would’ve gotten your ass kicked anyway”

  241. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#237): On our calendar, or the Mayan calendar?

  242. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#239):

    As I think about it, the movie version of Moby’s Dick we watched starred someone called Gregory Pecker, so it may not have been canonical.

  243. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#241):

    Metric years, of course.

  244. seismic-2
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#221) (JP): Spirits don’t really get “indefinitely better with age”. Whisky does get much better with age in the barrel, at least up to a point (probably 25 years or so), after which it starts to taste too much like damp wood. However, once the whisky is bottled, then it neither improves nor (unlike wine) degrades. Basically, when it’s in the bottle, it’s immortal, since the alcohol level is high enough for it to act as its own preservative (which wine can’t). However, a bottle of 16-year old whisky that stays unopened will not get any better with age on the shelf, since once it is in the glass, it can no longer interact with its environment (which is what happens while it’s aging in the barrel). Really old whisky is extremely valuable on account of its scarcity, not because it’s improved with old age. Thirty years from now it will still taste like a 16-year-old whisky, if that’s how old it was when it was bottled.

    Also, if the bottle is opened, then as it gets emptier from consumption more and more air of course takes the place of the missing liquid in the bottle, and the increased oxygen content in the bottle will react with the whisky to make it taste a bit flat. Even though it will therefore lose a bit of its favor, it will still not spoil like wine, however. If you plan to store a half-empty bottle of whisky for a long time, it’s thus preferable first to pour it into a smaller bottle so that there won’t be as much air in it. Of course, there are other solutions to the problem of what to do with a half-empty bottle of whisky…

  245. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#244):

    the alcohol level is high enough for it to act as its own preservative

    Don’t bother washing the glass – the alcohol level is high enough to kill anything that might cause an infection. Just pour it right down into your gut.

    old whisky is extremely valuable on account of its scarcity

    Yes, it does not survive very long in the wild, at least from my experience. Seeing up the irony that anyone with a well-stocked liquor cabinet can’t really be a serious drinker.

  246. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Uh huh. Yep. This is the point on a Friday where we all just start milling around, unwilling to put out any good snark because we know that any minute now Josh could post the new thread with Comment of the Week, and whatever gets written here will immediately vanish, forcing us to make a decision on whether to let our brilliant comment go unseen (which seems wasteful), or to repost it in the new thread (which seems boastful), and so we sit and wait, fidgeting and making small talk like patients in a doctor’s waiting room, but with less coughing, unlike the waiting room I was in earlier today at the hospital where this one guy just kept coughing and coughing until the nurse finally ushered me into a separate room to give the others some peace, but then she made me blow into a machine with a scuba mouthpiece while she yelled at me, “Harder! Blow harder!” like a coach for the porno Olympics, which only made me cough harder, but it’s oddly difficult to cough while you’ve got a scuba mouthpiece in your mouth, and then she gave me some kind of puffer and we had to wait for eight minutes for it to take effect before doing the tests again, so I tried talking to her about a few important issues facing us today, but it turned out she’d never heard of Mark Trail, and only knew of Mary Worth as a comic strip that she thought had died years ago…

    For crying out loud — has Josh posted the new thread yet???!!!

  247. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    I thought you said you had a boring day??? (post #88 or so, right?)

  248. Koanhead
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    When a comment is posted on a yesterthread and no one is around, does it make any noise?

  249. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#244): If you plan to store a half-empty bottle of whisky for a long time… I can’t imagine any possibility of that ever happening.

  250. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#236): Give it up, Lynn. Late November is fine. Like fine wine….which reminds me of another Judge Parker snark….

  251. lynn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    I had no idea about waiting for the COTW thread. I’m always this dull. I did wonder about all you guys, though.

  252. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#237): December 6, 1952. Yeah, you heard me.

  253. anon
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I wonder what the clientele of this “Clancy’s” that Rex frequents is like…well-to-do tipplers in a quiet dark wood-and-leather drinking emporium? If so, and there were, say, 10 fly fishing rods they plan to “auction off”, for, say $100 each, I suppose they could come up with something like $1,000 for Mabel. If “Clancy’s” is just some neighborhood dive with a big screen TV that’s always showing Tha Game, it would be very annoying to be prodded into buying a damn fishing pole, and Rex might end up hauling the whole bunch back home with him after all.

  254. seismic-2
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Koanhead (#248): It opens a garage door in Turkey.

  255. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#252): (whistling…..tapping my toes….doo doo dee doo doo). Dang! Where’s that COTW?

  256. KreatureFeatures
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    FW: Let’s hope that the kitten’s mountain-climbing certificate was enough to keep it warm on that international flight. Because between the summit of Kilimanjaro and the cargo hold of the plane, the poor thing must be frozen by now. Easy come, easy go – what’s the next riveting storyline? Wally’s dog Buddy gets tormented at the state fair?

  257. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @anon (#253): Clancy’s is frequented by people named Max and Maggie.

  258. Chaze126
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    There’s the cotw…not the best I’ve read this week by a longshot.

  259. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#252): That’s, um, extremely late thirties, by my count.

  260. tallyHO
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Spidery-Manly-
    Soooo, the Clown-Nose is a weapon when it is squeezed. Up until now it has just been used to make C-9 look stupider. Now, it not only makes an annoying noise but it also absorbs the force of a punch from a man with the strength of 10 spiders.
    //No. That’s not right. The strength of ten men? Maybe it is the strength of a sock snapped in a locker room.

    Beetle Bailey-
    So the fetching exercise was an ineffective. The dog went to fetch some refreshments and made the Sarge chase after him. Just how much gets done on that military base, on an average day?

    Broom-Hilda, the name without a tilda:
    I’fn you were were 15 Centuries Old, would it really matter if someone thought you were old? Every comeback with a age joke would be, you’re gonna die soon. Followed up with an Evil Eye, and voila! You would just move on to the next moment in the molasses-like existence you choose for yourself. Because let’s face it, after a certain point, it is your choice.

  261. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    So I imagine whats’ername to be tallish, with firm, medium breasts, a slender taut waist, but with full bouncing buttocks and plump steamy thighs to die for, and just the suggestion of a tummy, as if to say, why yes, yes, I DO enjoy ice cream and other…yes, sensual… yes, pleasures…

    Oh! Is that the COTW? Bye.

  262. Marc
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#196): I had the same thought about how great it would be to use “Give me your jacket, tie, and cello” in the office today. Only problem is that nobody wears jackets or ties Monday-Thursday, and with it being causal friday, it works even less since everyone is wearing T shirts and jeans. Of course at this point it’s too late because it’s Friday and 90 degrees and sunny out so 90% of the people in the office who can sneak out early have long since left. I’m literally the only person in the middle of a ghost town. If not for the sound of my typing this and my radio you could hear a pin drop.

  263. tallyHO
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Funkity Lamerbrainer- So why did she even prompt him by asking him a question? The guy just blathers on. She should really learn to just put him down before he follows up with his bloviations.

    //by the way, were we spared from that little cat being the reincarnated spirit of the humor that used to be in the strip? I kid. I expected to be the reincarnation of Les’ deceased wife. Her name was Leeser, right?

    hi & lois Gonna ignore the played out sunbeam friend gag.
    The chubby kid with the sailor cap= Punching Bag McGee?

    mark trail Yes, Rusty they see you! Yeah, they see you. We all see you.
    Your awesome hideousness will serve you well as the poachers abscond from the scene of the crime by running for the hills believing they spotted the Legendary, Living Ventriloquist’s Dummy from some mid-1980s horror movie that haunts the hills of lower Lost Mountain.

    mary worth
    crap on a poop deck!
    Yesterday I made fun of the contortion of the Pink Shirted Guy’s left arm but upon looking at it, is it possibly Dawn’s left arm? Yeah. I think it is.

    So, there was a coloring error. Dawn’s dress should be purple-ish. Oh no. I’ve spent too much time analyzing and not enough zinging. Doomed. Dooomed!
    That’s just another stupid freaking drawing with messed up expressions.

    Slylock Fox and his objects d’arts beaux

    ooh, la la! I am impressed at the freaky abstractions of the nine year-old. Shine on, you crazy diamond!

  264. Marc
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#228): That one was just on TV the other night. Needless to say I watched it.

  265. Cloudbuster
    August 3rd, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#201): True facts:

    * Ohio State Route 666 runs directly through Zanesville.
    * On top of an isolated hill overlooking downtown there is a little patch of ground called “Pioneer Park” which is only accessible by a winding, crumbling, poorly marked road, and which contains no park-like amenities (playgrounds, hiking trails, picnic areas, etc.). What it does have is an enormous hangar-like building, but far, far too low to actually be a hangar. Also, the only doors to this building are quite small — less than five feet tall and not enough to get any equipment or vehicles through. I was once able to peer through a gap in the door where kids had tried (unsuccessfully) to pry it open and could see light reflecting off water. The simple explanation is that it is some sort of cistern or pump station, but I’ve never met anyone who knows what it really is, and I’ve never seen anything like it before, ever. The building is completely unmarked, bland galavanized gray.
    * Zanesville is the home of the Y-Bridge (there used to be signs around town for a self-guided tour called the “Zanesville Y-Tour,” but the non-linear way the sign logo was constructed made the construction “Y Tour Zanesville?” equally plausible.
    * Zanesville was not named after western novelist Zane Grey. In a sense, he was named after Zanesville (rather he and the town share a name source), because he was born there and it was founded by his maternal great-grandfather Ebenezer Zane. The Zane Grey National Road Museum is just a little ways outside Zanesville.
    * You cannot get decent sushi in Zanesville.

  266. Cloudbuster
    August 3rd, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#265): Lest my post lack balance, I actually like Zanesville. It still has a lot of 19th century character to its downtown and riverfront, and maintains one of the few working manually-operated locks from the once extensive canal system that used to criss-cross Ohio. Pleasure boaters still pass through the locks — someone has to manually crank the lock doors open and closed and crank the fill & drain gates for the lock.

  267. Mr K Martin
    August 3rd, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    FUNKY WINKY: Les Moore at Go Bananas:

    LES: Hey, everybody. Great to be here. I just got back from Kilimanjaro. I didn’t kill a man, but it sure was jarring! Hey! (rimshot but no laughter) Oh yeah! Climbing that mountain made me think of Herman Melville cause it sure was a WHALE OF AN ADVENTURE! HOO-HAH! (crickets) Is this thing on? I can’t describe the experience but I’ll try to SUMMIT up! Oh, slam! (moans) I’m telling you, it really PEAKED my interest! (whispered death threats) We found a cat on the trip. He was a PURRRR-FECT companion! Whoa!

    PATRON 1: Hey, you SUCK!!!!!

    LES: Dr. Livingston, I presume?

    PATRON 2: Geez, asshole, you haven’t been funny since you climbed the rope in gym class! Get some writers!

    LES: I did. But they all left me for Crankshaft. (patrons start to leave) Hey, don’t leave! Try the chicken poppers! Well, if you do leave, pick up an autographed photo of my dead wife on your way out!

    PATRON 1: (going out door) I can’t believe we threw away 20 bucks on this dick! We coulda gone to another club!

    PATRON 2: Yeah, I hear Marvin’s doing poop jokes at The Funny Bone!

  268. commodorejohn
    August 3rd, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#244): See, that’s what I love about this site. Bring up just about any topic in casual conversation, and you get someone who knows all about it clarifying the point better than you would’ve gotten just looking it up yourself…

  269. Snarkotix Addict
    August 3rd, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#150): @Vanya (#160): …if we’re supposed to mock Tiffany’s dreams of being “discovered” while playing a bit part in a movie, have we seen any evidence that her acting ability is really so very bad? Or at least, that it’s any worse than Luann’s acting ability?
    …Greg just skipped straight to the last act of the movie where our heroes finally get payback. Since we have never seen any of the first three acts where Tiffany actually was a bitch, the reader is left baffled.

    Just imagine a time in the near future after Luann and Tiffany have taken acting classes and Weenie World Theater stages a production of “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” featuring Tiffany as Baby Jane Hudson and Luann as Blanche Hudson.
    Costumes by Gunther.
    Shannon Daytona as the rat.

  270. Snarkotix Addict
    August 3rd, 2012 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#167): Before we married, the first Mrs. Shrug taught school for a couple of years in the small Minnesota town of Climax.
    (And yes, I’ve heard all of the possible joke variations, but don’t let that stop you.)

    Like a certain city in the Northern Part of the State… Yeah, I’m close to Cumming.

  271. demoncat
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    rm don’t worry foster wound want you to get your cut rex after all foster knew how much fishing let you escape reality . mw. no dawn they don’t see you for the copter is just flying around that area for kicks and giggles.

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