The Comics CurmudgeonNEXT WEEK: Will Margo misplace the business card???

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NEXT WEEK: Will Margo misplace the business card???

Apartment 3-G, 8/10/12

You know, in most forms of narrative, when a small but out-of-the ordinary event happens — like, say, a job applicant failing to include a reference’s phone number on his resume, but happening to have it on a business card — you sort of file it away in the back of your mind as potentially significant. But since this is a soap opera comic strip, it’s probably a safe assumption that the entire pointless action in today’s installment only exists to kill time and means nothing and will never be mentioned again. Which, frankly, is a good thing, because I have a hard time imagining a plot so boring that it hinges on The Mysterious Episode Of The Phone Number That Wasn’t On The Resume But Was Easily Provided Separately.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/10/12

Hey, everyone, Wally Winkerbean is working through his PTSD with the help of an adorable therapy dog, and is involved in a healthy romantic relationship! Don’t worry, though, he’s still perpetually haunted by the grim spectre of death.

Pluggers, 8/10/12

Pluggers urge their sports heroes to viciously injure their opponents in career-ending and crippling ways.

Ziggy, 8/10/12

I’m not sure if I’d trust a doctor who reads off of continuous feed paper printed out of his dot matrix printer, and who has a certificate hanging on his wall that just says “Doctor” on it. But then, I guess Ziggy can’t really afford decent medical care, what with his explicitly acknowledged poverty and all.

Mary Worth, 8/10/12

“I mean, can you believe it? Everyone fucking hates that song! The boat probably committed suicide out of shame.”

This entry was posted on Friday, August 10, 2012 at 08:20 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Funky Winkerbean, Mary Worth, Pluggers, Ziggy. |

312 responses to “NEXT WEEK: Will Margo misplace the business card???”

Mary Worthless
August 10th, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

And the band played on. . .
Ed Dravecky
August 10th, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

Evan is supposed to be a “tall, shy young man” but he’s not tall, shy, or young, and in today’s second A3G panel Evan becomes a woman. This is about to be the craziest episode of Tabatha Takes Over that Bravo has ever aired!
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#Y364): Tommie Listening would be one of those sports they check in on in between the others and then come back for the finish, otherwise television as an industry, indeed as a medium, would be over.

MT: Do all ram poachers have such nice, neat pompadour mullets? Pompadour Mullets is my new band’s name, btw.

Phantom: Can we please go back to Deep Forest now, Ghost-Who-Neglects-His-Sworn-Sacred-Duties?
CaptBackslap
August 10th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

A3G: You and I might have trouble imagining a plot that boring, but we’ve seen that the writer of the strip has no problem at all with it.
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#2): In today’s installment, the role of Evan will be played by Tilda Swinton.
Ed Dravecky
August 10th, 2012 at 8:26 am [Reply]

MW: They were playing Celine Dion songs during dinner? Muzak is brutal.

Ziggy: Ha! It’s funny because Ziggy will die without expensive medical care he cannot afford.
C. Sandy Cyst
August 10th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

That is the canonical Funky Winkerbean strip. Something pleasant exists, only for Batiuk’s characters wander through it and play Six Degress of Bleak, Empty Despair. Having successfully related a hitherto enjoyable activity to the inevitability of death and the ultimate pointlessness of everything, the strip ends, its readers newly suicidal, its work done.
Flat 4 H
August 10th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

I review lots of resumes and on a first quick scan, if anything is missing or there are any mistakes that jump out, boom, reject pile.

Next.
C. Sandy Cyst
August 10th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

@Flat 4 H (#8): Well, I guess Margo Magee is just nicer than you.
Perky Bird
August 10th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

Is…is Evan turning into a woman in that last panel? I knew Margo had a reputation for emasculating men, but seeing is believing!
Mr. Magoo
August 10th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

MW: Do you know what would be awesome? If the helicopter crashes and kills everyone!
sporknpork
August 10th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

I’d imagine Margo has spoken today’s dialogue many a time post-coitus.
StriderGirl
August 10th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

Wouldn’t most cruise passengers find it in bad taste if the band played “My Heart Will Go On” over dinner, given its inextricable association with shipwrecks of various kinds? Wouldn’t that be a bit like showing “Snakes on a Plane” as the in-flight movie?
Ed Dravecky
August 10th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

The only thing that could improve today’s Mark Trail is if the sheep murderer yelled “yoink!” as he snatched Rusty’s alleged camera.
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

FW-Actually it’s the sight of the carnies that throw people off. Those gap toothed nomads who travel from town to town with their rigged games and poorly maintained rides.

MW-That’s a great idea, Wilbur. Someone should make a movie about the sinking. In it the entire ship could turn over and you have to reach the bottom of the ship which is now the top. I see Danny Devito playing you.

MW 2-What’s unbelievable is that they weren’t playing “There’s Got to Be a Morning After” or would that have been to on the nose.

MT-Why is Mark stealing Rusty’s camera? Why is Mark wearing a bad wig?
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

@C. Sandy Cyst (#7): Hey, why are you marching your parade through Batiuk’s pee?

@Mr. Magoo (#11): I like to imagine that it’s Dawn saying your comment.
Agoraphobic Turtle
August 10th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

I feel like the first panel of Funky Winkerbean was written with help from a specialized Mad Libs sheet. (plural noun) are (positive adjective), but there always seems to be an (word that sounds smart/deep) of (synonym for “sadness”) that comes with them.

Meanwhile, i’m not sure I get the joke in Pluggers. I mean, usually there’s some whimsical twist on the caption from the picture, but those pluggers actually appear to be… trash talking? Is the joke simply “Pluggers can’t rhyme beyond two words”?
pugfuggly
August 10th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

A3G “Here Ms Magee….hey, did I ever show you how I can morph into a woman? Watch this!”

FW Ah, Westview: where even the brightest of days have a cold black lining of angst.

Pluggers often spout out nonsense at public events as a result of untreated strokes.

Ziggy “…and chlamydia and low blood pressure and chronic ugliness…..it just keeps going!”

MW “THAT WAS DAVE’S FAVOURITE SONG!!! AAAAAAAH! LIFE IS STILL SO BRUTAL!!!

MT Wow, Rusty, so you couldn’t figure out who that man was until he was literally grabbing you by the arm? Even after carefully taking pictures of him all afternoon? Good thing you have the pictures, because I don’t think you could identify these two from the sheep they were poaching.
Weaselboy
August 10th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

“You know what’s even more incredible than that? We sang ‘Nearer My God to Thee’ at the the church service this morning! And do you know what’s EVEN MORE incredible than that? The captain of the ship is named Smith!…Wait a minute. Smith is a pretty common name. I guess that’s not really incredible.”
sully
August 10th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Nothing like a good ship-sinking, and cheesy 15 year old movie theme song to cheer up Dawn! Life isn’t brutal, after all! Let’s party!
XtinaS
August 10th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

Re Mary Worth:

Near… far…
So dull, it’s bizarre
I believe that this plot will
Go ooonnn…

Once more
This plotline’s a bore
Yet we’re here, reading it and
This plot will go on and ooonnn…
Perky Bird
August 10th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

Although I agree Evan should have included his reference’s phone number on his resume, at least he didn’t drop his pants and say, “No problem, I have it tattooed right here on my ass, Ms. Magee.”
Charlene
August 10th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

A3G: It’s Evan/Evania!
Hibbleton
August 10th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

A3G: “…You were great.” At what exactly? Evan hasn’t even sat down yet. It looks like he’s barely made it into the office and yet he’s been “great”. What exactly is happening below panel?
Not Worth It
August 10th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#5): I’m 90% certain that’s Ellen Degeneres, actually.
Plugged
August 10th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

I hate to be a Plugger corrector, but the cheer is:

Kick ‘em in the left knee
Kick ‘em in the right knee
Kick ‘ em in the
We need a touchdown.

Get it right next time Tallar.
Not Worth It
August 10th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

MW: Top five list of songs I’m pretty sure they never, ever actually play on a cruise ship:
1) My Heart Will Go On
2) My Heart Will Go On
3) My Heart Will Go On
4) My Heart Will Go On
5) Nearer, My God, To Thee
pugfuggly
August 10th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

@Charlene (#23):

Nope: it’s Evan/Linda! I predict that in this plot, Evan will be revealed to be an alien shape-shifter, who can perfectly mimic any human he sees. Of course, this being A3G, the most creative thing he could think of doing with that talent was impersonating references for job interviews.
Not Worth It
August 10th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

@Hibbleton (#24): You forget, they never show the actual sex in A3G. It’s left to the imagination.
Mary Worthless
August 10th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

Today is proof that Moy likes to set up the cardinals to read our feedback.

Everyone say hi to Ms. Moy!!
missal
August 10th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

A3G: The sad thing is that this one strip has more action in it than the entire childbirth storyline.
Not Worth It
August 10th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

@Mary Worthless (#30): I like your comment, but I’m confused by “set up the cardinals.” What does that mean?
missal
August 10th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

Ziggy: Corporate insurance, everybody. Give ‘em a hand.

MW: “…And then some fat asshole stood at the bow yelling ‘I’m king of the world!’ and tipped the whole boat over.”
Mibbitmaker
August 10th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

@Liam (#15): re: MW: “I’m sorry, but Mr. DeVito is busy in Judge Parker at the moment. If you give us your number, we may get back to you…”

Archie: Yeah, Betty! Uncle Fester’s granddaughter (in the mustard blonde hair) is enjoying it!

Crankshaft: TrueFable!

FW:
“I wonder why this is?”
BECAUSE YOU’RE IN FUNKY WINKERBEAN, MORON!

MW: When Mary plans a plan, she don’t fool around!

Glibporn: However, the reader will become annoyed and start looking for another comic strip.

RMMD: “Oh NO”, thought Rex, “I’m TRAPPED!!!”

ZtP: A Bob Ross parody! That’s a dirty trick, Dingburg! (making me read the strip like that! That’s not right!)
Hibbleton
August 10th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

MT: “Gimme that camera! but first I’ll take your box of animal crackers.”

JP: Avery to Elrod; “You call that a camera? This is a camera!”
seismic-2
August 10th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

A3G: “A good agent should be invisible!” So I’m going to use the superpower that I gained when I was bitten by a radioactive chameleon, and I’ll transform myself into your roommate Tommie.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
August 10th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

A3G: “No problem. Here’s my—I mean, ((cough)) her business card right here.”

MT: Whereas before Rusty had no real proof that these particular guys were the sheep killers of that particular sheep, and thus no conclusive proof that they’d committed a crime, now he’s got pretty solid evidence that even if they’re not sheep killers, they are villainous camera snatchers!

Yep, just another segment of Stupid Crook Tricks.
Mary Worthless
August 10th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

@Not Worth It (#32):

Ask the Pope.
Chareth Cutestory
August 10th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean: All seasons end–yes, that’s depressing. But you’ll like become more depressed because of all the morbidly obese children eating fried turkey legs that you’ll see, disgusted by shrill teenagers whose clothes you don’t understand, and irritated at the fact that you know, you just know, that the carnies are mentally undressing/doing even worse stuff when you walk past with your girlfriend.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
August 10th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

FC: Hey, what happened to the string of reruns? Were the ‘Lympics shorter 40 years ago?
Crankenstank
August 10th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

I suspect it isn’t a real doctor, but all part of Ziggy’s elaborate sex role playing. “Doctor, how will I ever pay you for my treatment if my credit rating is so bad?” Cue thumping music. You know, there’s probably a reason the Zigster never wears pants.
Mibbitmaker
August 10th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

New PCK is now up!

It’s one of my early song parodies for this very comment section, from some time ago…
jerseygull
August 10th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

@StriderGirl (#13): On the only cruise I ever took, years ago, they piped the song “The Morning After” into the dining room — which was, you may recall, the theme from “The Poseidon Adventure.” True story.
Not Just any Dipstick
August 10th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

Hey Josh, The use of foul language is common in teens and punks of all ages. Which category is yours?
McManx
August 10th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

Lio — Only Lio’s evil cat has the balls to take on the dread Marmaduke. However I fear tomorrow’s episode of Lio will feature only the bleaching bones of the entire cast.

Judge Parker — “Oh so you like my formless blobs of venison? Thanks, Mary Worth School of Culinary Ambiguity!!!”

Mary Worth — Given the lack of life boats and other rescue vehicles, I assume the other 3000 passengers drowned. Life IS brutal…

Gil Thorp — The way the coach is learing at him, I’m not sure if he is instructing him in golf or trying to get him to change his sexual orientation.
Nekrotzar
August 10th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

So let me get this straight: there was a maritime disaster that probably had many fatalities (based on what we saw of the evacuation, I’d guess 60%); almost killed her father; certainly destroyed everyone’s possessions; and for the survivors, ruined their vacations and left them all traumatized in a way that will cause nightmares for the rest of their lives. Not to mention the post-incident investigation that will result in several suicides.

And Dawn’s lesson from this is that life is not brutal?
Chris B
August 10th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

So now we have proven that all it takes to heal Dawn’s broken heart is a near-death disaster with crappy faux-inspirational music. If she ever gets left at the altar, Wilbs better have John Tesh and Afghan Air on speed dial.
fhunter
August 10th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

Phantom:I thought The Phantom was working on making El Guerrero the Phantom of Mexico. Sort of like franchising. Well that blows that idea.
geekwhisperer
August 10th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

MT Yeah, now that they have the camera there is NO WAY to link them to the crime. Just the make and model of their truck, which is pretty identifiable considering it appears to be a mid- 70′s Russian Volga.

I mean it’s no gum wrapper, but I think just witness testimony might be enough in this case.
waitingforlefty
August 10th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

@Not Worth It (#27): @Not Worth It (#27): 6) “The Morning After.”
Spiff Bereft
August 10th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

MW: “…and people died on this shipwreck as well! Life is hilarious!”
Droopy Says
August 10th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

@Mary Worthless (#1):”And the bland played on . . . ”
FIFY
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

Mutt & Jeff: I didn’t know they once had sidewalk stocking repair services. I’m assuming this was a WWII era strip. Anybody who’s seen a movie from this period featuring civilian life knows that silk or nylon stockings, although an regarded as an indispensible lady’s garment, were hard to get, and in fact were a virtual underground currency. Why don’t they include the original printing date with these comics? Unlike, Archie, for instance, they can’t even pretend this is new material, and anybody likely to read M&J today would be interested in the history of it.

// My mother told me that as a teenager growing up in Florida at that time, she and her girlfriends would make sure to get a good tan, and would draw fake seams up the back of their legs with a makeup pencil, to simulate stockings.

RwO: A wasp, a bee, and a praying mantis walk into a bar… Hey! They’re stealing my shtick!

Shoe: So, what he is saying here is that English is a powerful, smooth, effective language, whereas Swahili is some kind of hideous crippling grand mal epileptic fit of a language? I won’t call this racist, but evidently the strip is not worried about offending Swahili speakers.

// If “Spanish” were substituted for “Swahili”, would there be angry letters to the editor? I think so.

6Ch: Ew.

// A friend of mine, whose physique resembles that of the late President Taft, tells me he doesn’t mind taking his shirt off at the beach. “Some guys might be embarrassed,” he admits, “but fortunately my enormous beer gut distracts attention from my enormous man-boobs.”
Baka Gaijin
August 10th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

Seeing that parade of dorks, dweebs, and losers, I understand how Brad could bag (not literally) a puffy
-lipped hottie like Toni.

Sam Catchem is officially the coldest hearted bad ass cop on the comics page. I can’t wait to see him plow through the ersatz hospital with a police-issue demolitions truck, “Welcome to the Jungle” blaring from the Tannoy.

Marigold Heavenly Nostrils stole my line!!

“Moooooom! Curtis left me with a dead decomposing body for no reason!”
Chyron HR
August 10th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

Pluggers – Is Andy Bear supposed to be A) Drunk, B) Stoned, or C) Moribund?
eriqjaffe
August 10th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

For the life of me, I like to imagine that the young plugger is going out of his way to avoid saying “face.”
UncleJeff
August 10th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

@Not Worth It (#32): Just to clarify: one of the background jokes of CC is that Josh Fruhlinger is “our Pope” and the senior members of the site are the Cardinals.
Younger members are apparently Acolytes, Vicars, Reverends and Monsignors…reaching the Bishop and Archbishop status as they are honored on the COTW float.
You can find your accoutrements of office at the CC shop.

FW: reminds me of one of my favorite songs by The Band, “King Harvest Has Surely Come” (“…pretty soon, the carnival at the edge of town…”)
Little Guy
August 10th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

MW: I know you usually recuse yourself, but this is COTWorthy.
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Seeing that Moy has followed the real Costa Concordia disaster pretty damn close, I would not be astonished to learn that they did, in fact, play “My Heart Will Go On” on the real ship that night. In fact, I bet they did. Real life IS brutal.

I refuse to look it up, though.
geekwhisperer
August 10th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

I want my hat! That’s the only thing I miss about the Catholic Church. The hats.
Little Guy
August 10th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

@Little Guy (#58): And, of course, I mean this to Pope Josh.

@UncleJeff (#57): Wait, so if you make the Float, you’re a Bishop? Hmmmm…. then again, I get a Krewe/Rose Bowl vibe for the COTW Float
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
August 10th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

Dilbert: brings out the gimp.

Lio: gooey kablooie in 3, 2, 1. . .

Crank: True Fable approves.

JUMBLE: implied tentacle raep.

RwO: entomological win! (with booze)

Retails: same as every one else’s.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
August 10th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

Love Is. . . yup, pretty much that.
Baka Gaijin
August 10th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

#55. Chyron HR: Why not a little of all three? Old Milwukee and Vicodin combined to produce extreme lethargy. On the other hand, Pluggers aren’t known for vivacity at the best of times.
Lurker Bob
August 10th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

A3G: Evan seems to be turning into Sandy Duncan circa 1979 in the second panel.
Little Guy
August 10th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#59): Real Life *is* brutal!
boconn
August 10th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

MW: The band playing on the boat was The Dead Dead: McKernan, Mydland, Godchaux, Welnick, Garcia. They started the set with Loser.
Digger
August 10th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Sometimes Pluggers just go to sporting events so they can sit in the front row and drink beer until they fall asleep, right Mr. Bear?
tb4000
August 10th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

Pluggers: Land sakes, everyone knows Pluggers ain’t for that filthy profane devil talk, even if it is from the 1950s.
Mary Worthless
August 10th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#52):

As the French would say, mercy.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
August 10th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#57): And my understanding is that the “Cardinals” are a pretty small group—just those ‘mudges who have been around from the beginning. Many of them don’t necessarily post here all the time now, though, such as Islamorada Girl. Who are some of the others? (I’ve been around a long time, but not that long!)
suebear
August 10th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

MW: The helicopter appears to be made of wood.
UncleJeff
August 10th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

A3G: “Who is Linda Emery?”
I imagine he’s probably that Russian guy in the credit card ad.
One of the phones on his desk rings.
He looks at the label on the receiver. Is it the “credit card scam” phone? Nyet.
The “Nigerian lottery scam” phone? Nyet.
Ah! The “fake job resume references” hot line.
“Hallo, my name ist Linda. Oh, of course…Evar, err Evan wast a verrry valuable member of our company. He hast our highest recommendation. Now, you owe us 29-95 American for this phone call. What ist your credit card number?”
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
August 10th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

I’m also concerned by the fact that the doctor’s “DOCTOR” certificate is hung so low on the wall that it’s below eye-level even for Ziggy.
Oregonian
August 10th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

MW – Say what you like about Wilbur, but you’ve got to give the man credit: He’s had a near-death experience and all four hairs of his combover are still firmly in place. Did he do a quick touch-up in the helicopter or does he use spar varnish for product? Only his stylist knows for sure.
UncleJeff
August 10th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#71): I’m certainly not a Cardinal, myself.
I believe those titles are bestowed by Pope Josh, based on a secret formula based on years of fanatical devotion and a Medici-an greasing of palms.

Would His Eminence care to comment?
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

@Little Guy (#66): Minced Oath! I KNEW it.
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

@Oregonian (#75): If I were to go bald, heaven forfend, and absolutely HAD to have a comb-over for some crazy reason, I think I would cheat, and just have it tattooed on. It would save an enormous amount of trouble. Perhaps that is Wilbur’s grooming secret.
Downpuppy, CPA
August 10th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#2): “Evan” is not just any woman – it’s Abigail Thompson! Next week’s plot involves recriminations, laughter, and of course, a hot, sweaty KISS! near the chin.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
August 10th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

C&H cosplay.

America, F-yeah!

awww, MOM!!! (squeetahs)

MLP, IRL.

The Daily Puppy is a Shiba Inu. (and haz a happy)

darn those short legs!

corgi pup with Snoopy.
Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
August 10th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

FW: Yes. It’s depressing. It’s FUNKY WINKERBEAN.

MW: Too bad they both didn’t freeze to death, or at least Wilbur..
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#57): Well now, that’s going to be tough for me. I’ll always be a Reverend…
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

@Digger (#68): Sometimes Pluggers just go to sporting events so they can sit in the front row and drink beer until they fall asleep, right Mr. Bear?

Mr. Bear must be very prosperous. How many beers, at stadium prices, does it take to make a (person) of that body mass somniculous?
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

FW-Look on the bright side Cancer Season and Melancholy Season never end.

Curtis-I would be more worried about being stuck in a room full of cats with a dead body because once those cats are done feeding on the dead body they will go after the next thing they see which is you.
TheDiva
August 10th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

A3G: Oh no, he has her business card! This must mean…umm, she gave him her card?

FW: If Batiuk’s goal was to descend so far down the hole of self-parody that snarking his work became impossible…well played, sir. Well played.

MW: It seems to me that “My Heart Would Go On” would be something a cruise ship would avoid, for the same reason Airplane! is never an in-flight movie.

Pluggers are childish.
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

MW-I agree, Wilbur. This reminds me of “The Towering Inferno”.
Perky Bird
August 10th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

I thought Plugger trash talk was when two Pluggers go dumpster diving and one says to the other, “Woo-whee, looks like there’s some pretty good vittles at the bottom of this one, Zeke!”
bbofun
August 10th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

MW-”See, it’s funny because it’s the song from TITANIC, about a disaster where 1500 people died, including Leonardo diCaprio! but, here, no one died! Or, at least, no one of any importance! IT”S FUNNY!”

Humor is brutal.

FW- County fairs are also sad because there are all those farm animals on show, and you know the ones who don’t get a blue ribbon are going to be slaughtered. C’mon, Charlotte! Spin that new word into the web! Save Wilbur!

Sorry, this is my last morning playing a sheep, in CHARLOTTE’S WEB. it’s making me a bit morose.

Liiiife is brutaaaaal.
Col. Havoc
August 10th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#5): Or Annie Lennox
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

@pastordan (#82): Depending on denomination, couldn’t you be a Right Reverend? A Very Reverend? A Very Right Reverend? If your denomination doesn’t do that, maybe you should propose a change, at the next big meeting, Council, convocation, whatever you call it.

These little title things make all the difference, and cost nothing in coin. I would never take a job as a mere sales clerk, for instance. I’m too proud, alas.* But as a Sales Associate… at the same wage…

*Why am I proud, you ask? Well, my family is very old. I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. I can’t help it. I was born sneering.
seismic-2
August 10th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

RMMD: Did Melissa’s nephew fail to repay her loan to him, and as a result she now winds up owning an apartment complex in California? Will the old biddy now take up residence there and start running everyone’s lives? Gee, that sounds somehow familiar…

Archie: “Gee, Betty, I paid a lot of money to bring you to a porno and get you into the mood, so pay attention, dammit!”

A3G: “And oh, I probably should have mentioned that I bear an old gypsy’s curse that makes me transform into whoever’s business card I touch.”
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Lio-Blowing up a grenade will only make Marmaduke mad.
TheDiva
August 10th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

9CL: At tonight’s performance, the role of Seth will be played by the Oscar statue.

C’shaft: Wise decision, Pam.

Luann: Apparently bursting to the brim with Inner Beauty (TM) is something only specialest snowflake protagonists can do.

MT: What’s better: Rusty-shoving, goose-fighting, or deer-kicking? Discuss.

Pibgorn: TL;DR: “Being pedantic is fun!”

SM: We’re supposed to disagree with Jameson why, again?
Snarkotix Addict
August 10th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

MW – That song! Wilbur knows he is doomed. Doomed!

MT – Deja vu. All over again!

Luann – But they all have inner beauty, Luann. Isn’t that what counts?

FW – Ma Nishtana.

GT – I guess I must be a righty, too. *snicker*
kim
August 10th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

It’s interesting that the “Doctor” certificate in Ziggy is hanging right at Ziggy’s eye level, which appears to be knee level for everyone else. Is Ziggy his only patient? Has he set up an entire fake practice around scamming Ziggy?
Not Worth It
August 10th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#83): Is it fall? ‘Cause, if so, probably not very many. Geez, can’t you let a guy hibernate without making fun of him?
Naked Bunny with a Whip
August 10th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Isn’t playing the most famous song from Titanic on a cruise ship akin to showing Fearless as the in-flight-movie?
Snarkotix Addict
August 10th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

BG&SS: No wonder, silly Gramps. She’s a mule, not a horse. She doesn’t wear horseshoes, she wears mules!
bats :[
August 10th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

@Weaselboy (#19): “And they played ‘There’s Got to Be a Morning After’ just before it! And that fat lady at our table looked an awful lot like ~~you in a muu-muu~~ Shelley Winters!”

Sadly, I don’t think any of Alanis Morisette’s songs translate to easy-listening band numbers.
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

Amazing Spider-Man: I happened to look between Peter Parker’s legs as he swung off today. I shouldn’t do that.

9 Chickweed Lane: This is one of those interludes, isn’t it, like in the old Disney movies before the classical music would swell once again and the action would take off. Personally, I’d rather have a crotch shot of Minnie than this crap. Would accept Mickey.

Dilbert: Ordinarily, I’d give credit for Gimp-based humor. But creepy cartoonists are creepy (see above).

Frank and Ernest: It’s funny until you remember Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia are on the Supreme Court.

Hi and Lois: Lou Reed is 70. Iggy Pop is 65. Kurt Cobain would have been 45 this year. I’m not feeling so good myself.

Judge Parker: Meanwhile, in Avery’s cabin, Bubba is toking up in frustration. Also, where the hell has Shorty been hiding that camera? No, please, don’t answer that question.

Mark Trail: Johnny Cash needs his pills, kid! NOW GIVE ME THAT CAMERA!

Mary Worth: Dawn: Oh, Dad, we’ll have so many memories of this vacation: the helicopter ride, “My Heart Will Go On,” the screams of the dying…

Wilbur: Does this mean you’ve finally forgotten about Dave?

Dawn: Oh God! Sob!!

Rex Morgan, M.D.: Really, Rex, do you have early-onset Alzheimer’s or something? Oh wait, that’s me. Also, how did my green dress turn black in two panels?

Ziggy: Given the state of Zig’s nose, he should be more worried about his alcoholism than this quack’s diagnosis.
Nom du Jour
August 10th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#71):

Some of us posts.

Some of us lurks.

Some of us have been here for years and watched the float pass us by.

Some may even remember when it was the kardinals. . .
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Pluggers think “Preview” is what comes before the main feature at the moving pictures show…
TheSilentG
August 10th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Ziggy’s doctor diagnoses him with a rather paltry ailment while completely ignoring the throbbing tumour growing off the side of his hea…oh, wait. That’s just his nose.
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

@TheDiva (#93): “Being pedantic is fun!”

My family motto! Literarum ostentator est mirum.
Droopy Says
August 10th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

Pluggers: “Sis boom bee.” “Sis boom bass.” Pluggers stereotype bees and bass as violent, while they’re the ones who call for injuries. So Pluggers are hypocrites.
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

MT-Bad Wig Wearing Mark had read the script and decided he didn’t want to recite the inane dialog written for him so he is just rushing ahead in the script.
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

@StriderGirl (#13): I’m sick of this motherf–ing Celine on my motherf–ing cruise!
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#36): I have a roommate Tommie? Why on earth would I live with a man?
Horace Broon
August 10th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

@pugfuggly (#28): If it wasn’t for the sex-changing that would be a pretty unremarkable superpower in A3G.

“Yes, Margo, I may appear now as a bland, sandy-haired man in a suit, but at a moment’s notice, I can transform into a bland, sandy-haired man in a different suit!”

@fhunter (#48): I like that idea: The Phantoms of Many Nations, like the Batmen of Many Nations (now Batman Incorporated).
seismic-2
August 10th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

MW: Has Dawn never seen the Doctor Who Christmas Special?

Doctor: “The name of this spaceship is Titanic?”
Alien cruise director: “It was named for the most famous ship on planet earth.”
Doctor: “Did anyone tell you why it was famous?”
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#53): Some of the little old ladies in my first church confirmed that they, among many others, had resorted to painting fake seams down the back of their legs during the war.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
August 10th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Slylock – “How to draw a swimmer.” You can draw a drowner by adding a lot more bubbles, and with his mouth wide open like that, you’ll probably need them.

Gil – Stop telling him what to do when he’s already doing it. That’s the most annoying thing, and a perfect way to get him to stop doing it. Trust me, I know. (Darn it, Mom!)
Sequitur
August 10th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Crank: So it made me Google “pixie goats” and what did I get? I was expecting some goats with pointy shoes with bells on them and a jaunty pointy hat. All I got were small goats. Phui.

(squee worthy though)
[Old Man] Muffaroo
August 10th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

love is… …a feeling of affection for another, often marked by physical displays, doing things together, and missing your partner when they’re gone!

Mark – “Why DOES this KEEP happening to me? Next TIME, I’m going TO raise THE price!”
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

Anybody seen Frank Lee Meidere lately? I suppose he got that marketing job he was looking for, so congratulations are in order.

// Still, when he was pedagoguing at Dotheboys Hall, or St. Bastard’s Academy, or whatever it was, he found time to post occasionally.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
August 10th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

Marfield – “This is our wife, Rachel.”
OUR wife? What kind of sick weirdo does Li’l Poop Chute grow into?

Shoe – Cosmo tries to imitate the golf advice from Gil Thorp, but ends up impaling his head with a nine-iron. Cosmic justice.
Dood
August 10th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: “Relax, Evan, you were great. Is this really the first time you’ve donated sperm?”
Illustrator Steve
August 10th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

MT – Knowing the VILLAINOUS SHEEP KILLERS were coming for his camera, Rusty cleverly swapped it with Mark’s vintage original 1958 Polaroid camera, still in it’s leather case and reeking with over a half century’s worth of mildew deposits.
Dood
August 10th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Pluggers: “Pass those wings. Dang, your wife cooked up good.”
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

MW-”That explains the nauseous feeling I had during dinner.”
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#76): I’m really hoping he doesn’t say you have to buy the CC thong to become a cardinal…
Anonymous
August 10th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

@TheDiva (#93): (re: Luann) Oof! Touched the wall 0.11 sec too late!
[Old Man] Muffaroo
August 10th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

Family – Next time we see this heartwarming demi-gag, we can expect it to include a reference to LEDs. This will be taken as a sign that LEDs are on their way out.
NoahSnark
August 10th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

Plugger insults are severely hampered by their inability to talk about body parts that make them uncomfortable.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
August 10th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#y374): I dood it. Thanks, Peanut Gallery.

@tallyHO (#y388): Dear Popeye, Just get it over with and move on to something interesting.
Popeye’s every action is predestined by whatever happened to him between 1959 and 1986, when Bud Sagendorf (who died in 1994) was drawing the strip. If he didn’t do something interesting then, he never will. (Bobby London’s tenure was actually interesting. He spent his whole life building up to the point where he could continue a strip for a dead guy, and then blew it by being “edgy.” Yet he did things that were surprisingly original and amusing when he had the strip.)

@John C Fremont (#y395): See, Bubba? That’s how you do it. Now get in there and grab that camera!
They’ll take action soon. First they have to wait for Avery to pull the camera out of whatever unseen body pouch he has it cached in. They may be ruthless criminals, but they’re easily grossed out, and don’t want to engage in any unnecessary, well, fishing.
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#90): I think in the Anglican communion it goes: Plugger, Reverend, Right Reverend, Right Tight Reverend, Most Reverend, and Venerable Lush.
Calico
August 10th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#2):
Oh my God, it’s Ellen DeGeneres in drag! Or maybe Rachel Maddow with a hair color change.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
August 10th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

Josh – re 3G: I feel that, in a truly stunning plot twist, Margo might misplace the business card. It’s like the air is charged with mysterious potential. Anything could happen, I tell you! Something could even actually happen!

@Ed Dravecky (#14): I can think of about thirty things offhand that would improve today’s Mark Trail. None of them, however, would improve it as much as your suggested “Yoink!” So I won’t bother to enumerate them.

@Agoraphobic Turtle (#17): The joke-thing in Pluggers is that they’re using a cheer that’s seemingly a local variant on the one I always heard as

Rah rah rah! Kick ‘em in the jaw!
Rah rah ree!
Kick ‘em in the knee!
Rah rah rass!
Kick ‘em in the other knee!

because it’s funny to go right up to the brink without actually saying one of those horrid three-letter words that non-pluggers presumably use all the time. (The B word! The T word! The A bomb!)

@Hibbleton (#35): “Gimme that camera! but first I’ll take your box of animal crackers.”
And then he’ll ride away to his box-shaped hideout in his box-shaped car! The perfect boxy crime!!
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#116): It’s getting close to Back-to-School time. He may be knee deep in syllabi.
Calico
August 10th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#5):
Oh, her too!
Isn’t she something like eight feet tall? She makes Geena Davis look like a dwarf.
Dood
August 10th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Pluggers: Pluggers always sit in Section Pee.
Little Guy
August 10th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

yLuann: What an overly ambitious self-absored bitc— wait, now we’re supposed to cheer for her??
Calico
August 10th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

@Not Worth It (#25):
Oh, sorry, I didn’t see your post until now.
Life is brutal, and county fairs suck. But my heart will go on.
Illustrator Steve
August 10th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

MT – WHAT type of truck is that supposed to be? It looks like something from Fisher Price Toys, or, more likely a cheap chinese rip off from the dollar store. At least the truck’s roof is designed high enough for the rigidly drawn VILLAINOUS SHEEP KILLERS to fit inside while sitting in such a stiff upright position.
Hell, even LEGO people don’t appear to be as stiff as most of the people in Mark Trail! (Wait, that “stiff as most people in Mark” comment may be interpreted the wrong way. Oh, what the hell, Mark can take it!)
bourbon babe, unbuckled
August 10th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

@pastordan (#129): Haha! It’s funny because you think we prepare our syllabi three weeks in advance of classes!

(Actually, the joke’s on me: I’m currently spending hours online reading possible articles on writing from an open-textbook series and trying to figure out what the hell to do with a class I’m revising.)
bats :[
August 10th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#80): is that a real horse? It looks like one from my old Breyer collection, enlarged a hundred times or so…

@Nom du Jour (#101): the Cardinals haven’t been the same since they moved out of St. Louis (the footballin’ ones).
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#135): I’m teaching for the first time this fall. That’s why I’m hanging around here, desperately trying to avoid scary scary work.
Illustrator Steve
August 10th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

MT – “Hi, kid. we must have taken the wrong road…can you tell me where…”
“HEY, YOU’RE THE…”
“Kid, DIDN’T anyone ever teach you that it’s impolite to interupt a person while they are talking to you? Just for that I must teach you a lesson by taking your camera away from you!”
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#128): …it’s funny to go right up to the brink without actually saying one of those horrid three-letter words…

Or four letter words too.

Shaving cream, be nice and clean
Shave everyday and you’ll always look keen
Calico
August 10th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

@boconn (#67):
Ha, I was thinking “And they kept on dancing … come on chidren, come on children, come on, clap your hands … ”
Or, Ship of Fools!

FW – At least there’s no cheesy reference to the Byrds tune. That would have put me over the edge for sure.
Inexplicable Bear Tongue
August 10th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

Curtis: I wonder if Billingsley remembers that this whole sequence started with Curtis running down the elderly woman with his skateboard. So it’s entirely possible that she died from the trauma as the result of that collision. Two of my grandparents ultimately died from trauma from accidents that would’ve done no permanent damage to a younger person. So yes, Curtis could conceivably be charged with manslaughter.

Mark Trail: It’s amazing how easily the villains in this strip engage in self-destructive, exacerbating behavior. I want to see a story where Rusty sees a man littering, and the man tries to murder Rusty in order to avoid the $500 fine.
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

A3G-When did Evan change into an androgynous looking woman?
Horace Broon
August 10th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

BB: You’re a Plugger if…

Crank: We didn’t even get to see the pixie goat show. One strip he’s driving it through hedges, the next he’s already won and Batuik is using up a week’s supply of lawnmower puns. Was he told to cut this short? If so, good call.

HtH: The market in torn sacks as clothing is apparently so great that the sackmaker has decided to pretend he’s a tailor, complete with a mirror and a tape measure. The next step is to find a descriptive term beyond “garment”.

Marvin: Given that this nonsense supposedly started with Tom Armstrong wanting to write a sci-fi comic, I was ready to snark about the level of detail that really sells the differences between 2012 and 2042…

…And then, of course, I saw Marvin Jr. Okay, 2042 has cheap and legal human cloning, I’ll give him that.
Anninyn
August 10th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

Dawns eyes are shining with glee. Her plan to sink the boat and kill dozens of people is successful. Sadly, her father still lives, but never fear. There’s always tomorrow.

When she finally rids the world of Wilbur once and for all, she will dance on his grave, a free woman at last.
Illustrator Steve
August 10th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

MT –
(Cherry) “DOC, DOC! LOOK out in the yard! Those VILLAINOUS SHEEP KILLERS are here and they have stolen Rusty’s camera while bullying him around outside!”

(Doc) “No, He’s probably outside!

(Cherry) “WHERE the hell is Mark?!!”
Anninyn
August 10th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

Wilbur’s face suggests he’s just realised Dawn is a psychopath, and he’s going to have to kill her. But how will he do it? Club her to death with a jar of mayonnaise?
Nom du Jour
August 10th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#136):

Don’t forget the Cards only football crown came in Chicago.

I used to work in Chicago
In a department store
I did but I don’t anymore. . .
greghousesgf
August 10th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Hi is too dorky to like the Beatles.
Illustrator Steve
August 10th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

MT – One thing is certain, these two VILLAINOUS SHEEP KILLERS are not UPS workers, like in a recent past adventure. HOW am I so sure, you ask? Just LOOK at that blue shirt the mullet guy is wearing…and without a hat, I might add!
Chyron HR
August 10th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

A3G – Tsk-tsk. And you want to be Margo’s latex salesman.
Esther Blodgett
August 10th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Today’s Funky Winkerbean really irritates me. I wonder why this is?
Santa Royale With Cheese
August 10th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

A3G: I was going to ask incredulously, “is there such a thing as a tweed tie?” But a quick Google search revealed, yes, yes there is.

Never mind face tattoos and piercings, yellow tweed is the reason why unemployment remains stagnant.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
August 10th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

@Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#141): Re: Curtis: Maybe he and the unfortunate Cousin Andrew will be cellmates!

And re: MT: Funny! But maybe?: I want to see a story where Rusty sees a man littering, and the man ~~tries to~~ murders Rusty in order to avoid the $500 fine.
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

@Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#141) & @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#153): Ooooh! It’s the start of a whole new direction for Curtis!

Week 1: Hilarity ensues at the preliminary hearing as Curtis’s attempts use humor to soften the judge misfire; judge rules Curtis can be charged as an adult.

Week 2: Hilarity ensues in county lockup as Curtis’s attempts to use humor to soften his fellow inmates misfire; Curtis is beaten within an inch of his life.

Week 3: Hilarity ensues in court as Curtis’s attempts to use humor to soften the jury misfire; Curtis is convicted of the more serious charge of voluntary manslaughter.

Week 4: Hilarity ensues at the sentencing hearing as Curtis’s attempt to use humor to soften the (same) judge misfire; Curtis is sentenced to the maximum 20 years in the state pen.

Week 5 and onward: Billingsley no longer tries for (intentional) hilarity as Curtis morphs into a soap strip that’s an unholy mix of Apartment 3G and Oz.
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

@Santa Royale With Cheese (#152): …the reason why unemployment remains stagnant.”

Oh dear no. Employment is stagnant. Unemployment is doing just fine.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
August 10th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

@Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#141): I want to see a story where Rusty sees a man littering, and the man tries to murder Rusty in order to avoid the $500 fine.
Not exactly the same, but I love linking to this anyway.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#90): But family pride must be denied, and set aside, and mortified.
Doctor Handsome
August 10th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

Is Ziggy’s scuffed-up shnozz pertussis-related, or was the doctor just wailing on him a bit for laughs before diagnosing him?
Spunde
August 10th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

@Anninyn (#146):

I got the “psychpath” realization, too!

Only I think Wilbur’s dramatic struggle lies in trying to decide whether it’s an improvement.
Irrischano
August 10th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

I really wish they had gone all the way with their Titanic tribute, and let Dawn freeze to death, as Wilbur would only have enough room on the raft for himself and a dozen hoagies.
Snarkotix Addict
August 10th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#57): I guess that makes me a “miserable offender.”
Spunde
August 10th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

@Esther Blodgett (#151):

Possibly because the real reason county fairs are melancholy is that the carneys smell like a failing bar on Skid Row?
Chaze
August 10th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

9CL- Wait a minute! Edda is performing at the Oscars!!!!

MW – My Heart Will Go On was sung in person by Celine Dion. First of all she’s too dense to realize her faux pas, but the good ‘ting’ is that she is still down there somewhere in the bowels of the ship.

RMMD – Yeah! Pay attention, Rex! I’ve been screaming that at him for years.

WofI – DOT approved helmet? Can I get a ruling on this from a comics humor judge?

LuAnn – Clearly LuAnn and Delta have dropped some mescaline.
BRWombat
August 10th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

My first reaction to Mary Worth was how implausible it was that a cruise ship band would play a song from a movie about a sinking cruise ship — but then I remembered that on my very first cruise, the list of DVD’s we could watch in our room included “Titanic”! True story.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
August 10th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#154): And you know what? The whole time, Curtis will be wearing that damned hat.

(“Maaaaa! That prisoner made me his bitch for no good reason!!!!”)
Chaze
August 10th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

GT – So I’m assuming that CLICK is a better golf shot than SHANK or FLUB.

Adam – So what part of his body other than his nose is Adam planning to trim? I’m a furry critter myself and this is giving me the chills.

JP, Buckles and Grand Avenue – I never imagined the Convergence would involve fish stories.
Snarkotix Addict
August 10th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

@pastordan (#126): You left out Far Right Reverend. (Which isn’t a bad idea.)
Zeach
August 10th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

@Chaze (#163): Nice use of French and a Canadian accent in your Celine Dion snark, Chaze. Good job!
Chaze
August 10th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

@Zeach (#168):Why, thanks for noticing, Zeach!
jvwalt
August 10th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

FW: It’s not that the joy and laughter of county fairs is uniquely leavened by an undercurrent of melancholy — it’s that EVERYTHING in “Funky Winkerbean” is leavened by an undercurrent of melancholy. “Say, didja ever notice how getting an ice cream cone makes you feel strangely sad inside?” “Yeah, and whenever I have an orgasm, part of me is preoccupied with the specter of looming death!”

BTW, for anyone who’s got too darn much HAPPY in their lives, Kent State University Press has begun publishing “The Complete Funky Winkerbean.” Which begs the question, Who asked for that?
Shrug
August 10th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

@Not Worth It (#29):

“You forget, they never show the actual sex in A3G. It’s left to the imagination.”

Especially the kinky sex that happens on top of the piano.
Doctor Handsome
August 10th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

“Jeez, Wally, I was just remarking that I find even fun things melancholy, and YOU had to go and make it depressing.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 10th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

A3G: “Good coloring. Is that ‘bone’?”

FW: It could have something to do with the knowledge that callous dog abusers so often get away with it. Oh wait, that’s not melancholy, it’s blind rage.

MW: Bizarrely, Dawn finds comfort in the fact that life isn’t just brutal, but that it is literally a bad joke.

MT: It’s refreshing that the ramkiller doesn’t go through the motions of trying to buy Rusty’s camera, but just grabs it. Elrod threw us a (very) little curveball.

SL: The punchline is fish feasting on roasted human flesh. Whew.

BSt: I don’t necessarily want to read anything sexual into this scene, but it’s exceedingly hard not to.

JP: Okay, I just remembered that Old Hardy is the bass that they caught and released, and not Avery’s erect penis. The question is, does Avery remember that?

RMMD: If the entire next week of strips is just Melissa being snotty to Rex, that’s perfectly fine with me.

Garfield: If I’m not mistaken, this is actually funny.

BB: You could laugh, I suppose. You could also ask why the Army doesn’t provide home nursing care for this clearly demented couple.

Shoe: Is there some kind of anti-African bias in the equation of Swahili with shoving a golf club clean through your head? Or is this just garden variety stupid?

S-M: Triple Jay allows himself a brief moment of optimism.

SFx: How to draw an advance agent for the Beaver People. They’re coming for you, oh yes.

Marvin: To preserve her sanity, wife Rachel always keeps her eyes closed. Presumably her nostrils as well.
StriderGirl
August 10th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

@pastordan (#107): *giggle* Exactly!
Sequitur
August 10th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

@Snarkotix Addict (#167): Or a 60′s/70′s slant, Far Out Reverand.
StriderGirl
August 10th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

@jerseygull (#43): Oh my goodness, jerseygull, really?? That’s a whole new level of clueless right there.
BHop
August 10th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

MW – “I’m poking fun at a senseless tragedy just moments after we escaped death, not caring that many of the other passengers are no doubt dead or missing! CLEARLY I’M ON THE ROAD TO MENTAL RECOVERY!”
Dawn Weston
August 10th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

@Nekrotzar (#46):

“Oh, wait, did I say LIFE was not brutal? Slip of the tongue. I meant to sort of compliment daddy on the color of his jacket; I’d intended to say LIME was not brutal. I mean, yeah, it’s still pretty butt-ugly, but compared to some of the orange plaid and purple-green-stripe jackets I’ve seen in his closet, it’s not all THAT brutal.”

(As for the rest of this plot, as Wild Bill Hickok once said, Life is Boothill.)
Chaze
August 10th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

Definition of arrogance, Judge Parker style. When confronted with a variety of fine vintage wines, all available for you to choose for dinner, you grab three bottles of your own Two Buck Chuck.
exapno
August 10th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

@Horace Broon (#143):

Horace, with a wife like that, there ain’t no cloning goin’ on!
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#157): Oh, that’s the part I hate!
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

@Snarkotix Addict (#167): Thank God® for that.
exapno
August 10th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

@Esther Blodgett (#151):

Because it’s FUNKY FREAKING WINKERBEAN, that’s why!!
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#165):

And you know what? The whole time, Curtis will be wearing that damned hat.

Week 17: Hilarity ensures when Curtis makes a Dracula joke at the expense of an inmate named Vlad; Vlad nails Curtis’s hat to his head with a sharpened iron bedpost; prison doctors deem removal too dangerous.
Doctor Handsome
August 10th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

It’s kind of adorable how the rhino is looking right at the reader and waving. Only a plugger could get that excited about being in the background of a crappy jokeless comic panel.
commodorejohn
August 10th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#15): Actually, I kinda picture Wilbur as being played by Wayne Knight in a combover skullcap.
exapno
August 10th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

wFW/Crank: What are the odds that we get our wish on Saturday, with Cranky, frustrated that HIS OWN FAMILY watched a pixie goat show instead of his race, goes on a rampage through the fair with his mower running over Buddy with in the process, then Wally, after losing his best friend, grabs an assault rifle off one of the local cops/troopers patrolling the grounds, and then going on a Colorado-type shooting spree?

*sigh* if only….
Chaze
August 10th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

I’m sitting here trying to imagine a McEldowney written and penned version of Pluggers. The mind reels….
Shrug
August 10th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

@Illustrator Steve (#118):

“MT – Knowing the VILLAINOUS SHEEP KILLERS were coming for his camera, Rusty cleverly swapped it with Mark’s vintage original 1958 Polaroid camera, still in it’s leather case and reeking with over a half century’s worth of mildew deposits.”

Said 1958 camera probably contains a photo of the same sheepkillers killing the same sheep back in 1958 during the first time this plot appeared. Except that in later pictures on the roll, while Mark is punching out the sheepkillers, he’s smoking a pipe.
debussy fields
August 10th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

MT– That guy was a master at the old game of: “Your shoelace is untied. Psych!”

MW– Dawn smiles!!!

FC– “Christ, my kids are dumb.”
Dood
August 10th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

@Chaze (#188): How would he depict paw-claw sex?
Anonymous
August 10th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

The Friday afternoon shuffle waitIng for the COTW parade to begin commences. . .

NOW!!!
Not Worth It
August 10th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

@Horace Broon (#143): And then, of course, I saw Marvin Jr. Okay, 2042 has cheap and legal human cloning, I’ll give him that.

Discussion Question: If you were given the ability to clone Marvin, would you a) Immediately commit suicide to prevent accidentally exercising this power, or b) use it to inflict hell on earth to your worst enemy?
Shrug
August 10th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

@pastordan (#137):

Sympathies. I didn’t actually do any teaching until my second year of graduate school, at which point I realized to my horror that I Hated Teaching, which in turn made the graduate school rather pointless. Which didn’t stop me from sticking with it until my fellowship ran out, but soon after it did I decamped back to library science.

(On a reference desk, you will encounter students who are very unhappy with their teachers and their assignments, but since you are helping them get past same, you’re the Good Guy. Usually. As a result, I’m not constantly faced with personal depression and an upset stomach. Usually.)
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#15) & @commodorejohn (#186): I think Jon Polito would be a good pick too. I think he could really to bring to life Wilbur’s desperate, painful-to-watch brand of optimism than can only be born of repeated failure.
exapno
August 10th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

@exapno (#187):

Of course, if Batiuk had ANY sense of irony, would have Wally going home with a jar of Cranky’s honey – or at least commenting on the ‘wild tractor race’….SOMEthing
Dood
August 10th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: What the hell is Dawn talking about with her, “They played ‘My Heart Will Go On’ at dinner tonight!”? Is her future imperfect? Grammar is brutal.
Calico
August 10th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

@Chaze (#163):
Re: Celine – Heh!
Not Worth It
August 10th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#171): Right. Because then, they’d have to depict the piano.
Doctor Handsome
August 10th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

“Oh, and that’s no longer my current home address, but here, I wrote the new one on a matchbook. You may have also noticed that my post-2004 employment history is scrawled in the margins in sharpie, and I should mention that I’m no longer using that Hotmail account. I’ll text you or something with the updated info. I’ve got the job, right?”
Calico
August 10th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

@Chaze (#163):
And “tree” consists of a Loonie and a Toonie. It’s not something with bark and leaves.
Dood
August 10th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#195): What about Paul Giamatti? Think of it as Sideways meets Mayonnaise.
Islamorada Girl
August 10th, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

In 3G, we have an Albert Nobbs situation. I’m so happy some everyone else noticed too. Unfortunately, this story won’t go anywhere even half interesting.
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

@Doctor Handsome (#200): “Wait…wait… it’s probably easiest if I give just you my man’s address… Go up to Lexington, 125 … it’s a big brownstown. Anyway, he wears PR shoes and big straw hat…”
Islamorada Girl
August 10th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

FW: Of course, the real fun would be Wally and Co. feasting on deep fried Twinkies, Snickers Bars and that fair stable, deep fried butter. Then polishing it off with a deep fried turkey leg. Batuik obviously knows nothing about fair food, aka heart attack on a stick.
bats :[
August 10th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#14): You bet!
Cloudbuster
August 10th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

@Dood (#202): For real genius, you need to cast against type. I put forth Gary Oldman as Wilbur. A Gary Oldman Wilbur would eat those damn mayo-slathered sandwiches with the kind of psychotic edge that I believe is the essence of the real Wilbur.
Cloudbuster
August 10th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

FW: Wow, nearly half a century on the planet, and someone has finally pointed out to me that “seasons end.” No way! This explains my difficulty with mowing the lawn in Ohio in January, and why our annual Fourth of July snow sledding party is so rarely successful. Now I’m depressed! Life is brutal!
seismic-2
August 10th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

Phantom: This wrestling match has resulted in revealing that the “bad guy” wrestler is actually one of the town’s leading citizens and a respected businessman. It has not, however, revealed that he is in any way an criminal – he just plays one in Lucha Libre. However, the match has revealed that the “good guy” wrestler is in fact the town’s police chief, in “real life”. The taxpayers may well question his dedication to his job and whether they are paying him to be on patrol or working out in the gym. I expect the police chief to be tossed out by the city council at their next meeting and replaced by someone who seems really competent at getting things done around there, like one of those nice Ten Tigers guys who have recently moved into town. Way to go, Kit!
Mysterious shirtless lawyer
August 10th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

Plugger trash talk: “Rah, rah, ree, kick ‘em in th’ other knee, the goddamn atheistic homo!”
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

@Cloudbuster (#207): If we’re casting against type, we ought to get Tom Cruise and have him gain 150 pounds of pure blubber. Yes, the whole thing will be a complete and utter train wreck, and that the truest essence of Wilbur. Do we have a name for this yet? I suggest The Porilainen Adventure.
Chaze
August 10th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

A3G – Margo has also dropped mescaline today. As its effects wear off, young Mr Evan turns back into Tommie, who’s been nattering on about something.
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
August 10th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Funkyverse rules: Even county fairs aren’t allowed to be fun.
un malpaso
August 10th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

FW Never thought I would see the two concepts Existential Angst + County Fair linked together. But… this is the Funkyverse, where everything in existence serves as a reminder that we live in a Sartrean existential wilderness of anomie and nausea. Oh, and also cancer. And dead puppies.

Speaking of which, there is no Existential Nausea like the nausea you get from eating an undercooked “Season’s End©” carnival corn dog. Mmmm, tastes like the bittersweet dregs of regret!
Sequitur
August 10th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#211): Why not go all out and have Christopher Walken in a combover skull cap play Wilbur. He can be constantly telling Dawn that she needs more cowbell.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 10th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

@Agoraphobic Turtle (#17): One thing about the Plugger trash talk – or as some would have it, “trash talk” – is that it involves breaking the rhyme so as not to say “ass.” So maybe the joke is “Pluggers won’t use any form of profanity under any circumstances.” I have it on decent authority that this is a lie, but there you go.
Lizuka
August 10th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

The real reason the fair feels melancholy is that it’s about the 10,000th time they’ve relieved this trip to it. Haruhi will only end the loop when someone experiences a moment of happiness that doesn’t end in ironic horror, which in Funky Winkerbean means they’re looking at about 650 more years of this.
jp
August 10th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

So glad Dawn was able to bounce back so cheerily from observing “people killing eachother at the lifeboats” in what would have been what, maybe 15 minutes since? And that she’s not bothered by any terror or empathy for the victims trapped and drowning inside the capsized ship (how most of the Costa Concordia’s deaths occurred) even as she speaks. We wouldn’t want a raging case of PTSD (or, for that matter, a dash of human compassion) to interfere with her getting over Dave.

Giella & Moy have really jumped the shark.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
August 10th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

@Not Just any Dipstick (#44): Wait, you forgot one: College professors who used to spend too much time drinking with Marines and sailors—although I’m not sure that Josh fits into that category, either.

@bats :[ (#206): That chipmunk from hell would improve many a comic-strip plot.
Shrug
August 10th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#216):

Mrs. Shrug has known to use this specific “rah rah” joke (as a joke and not as a serious attempt to avoid three-letter words, I hasten to add).

Several times on this list I’ve admitted to identifying with Pluggers myself — so why am I now feeling incomfortable and maybe even a little angry at the comic’s implication that my wife is also a Plugger?

There’s probably some “Pluggers have weird ideas about gallantry” Plugger-joke to be worked out there somehow.
Downpuppy
August 10th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

@Chaze (#212): Finally, the Tommie joke is perfected.

Take my wife, for example.
Marc
August 10th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail- “Say there young fellow; we seemed to have taken a wrong turn and have driven through the dense forest, across the plains, bounced off some jagged rocks, ran over a headless deer carcass, and have somehow found our way to your secluded little ranch. Can you help an old fellow out and point me in the direction of…YOINK!”

Luann- Acid trips are brutal.

Mary Worth- Some Italian cruise that was. The whole boat was filled with American tourists, run by an American crew who played crappy music from a hit American movie. Lack of ethnic identities is brutal.

A3G- I hope the next thing Evan does is tell Margo that she probably shouldn’t call Linda. That would help cap off the week portraying the most idiotic job interview ever.

Funky- Haha it’s funny because death is lurking around every corner.

Archie- Look Arch, there are plenty of other ways for her to avoid watching the movie that will make you much less miserable if you catch my drift. Oh who am I kidding, of course you don’t.
Dood
August 10th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: What the caption says: “Pluggers blah, blah, blah.” What the pluggers say: “Arooo!” “Snort!” “Woof! Grrr!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 10th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#53):

RwO: A wasp, a bee, and a praying mantis walk into a bar… Hey! They’re stealing my shtick!

A mosquito walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Put your money away. Drinks are on me.”
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#215): You know, I think none of are really thinking outside the box. We need to get someone who’s been out of the picture for a while, someone’s who’s been completely written off, derided, and forgotten, but ready for a breakout comeback. We need a John Travolta to our Pulp Fiction, a Micky Rourke to our Wrestler, a Neil Patrick Harris to our …White Castle…
tallyHO
August 10th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#225):

Jerry Lewis.
Shrug
August 10th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#53):

“RwO: A wasp, a bee, and a praying mantis walk into a bar… Hey! They’re stealing my shtick!”

Apparently they have the bar bugged. Flea before it’s too late!
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

A3G-Evan, I am impressed that you want to work with me but you don’t have to make yourself look like me to get the job though it does help.
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#226): YES
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#15):

How about Jason Alexander for Wilbur.
Sequitur
August 10th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#225): How ’bout a stripper named “Pixie Goat”?
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#211):

Tom Cruise would be a good choice because with his recent divorce life has already beaten him down.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 10th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#220): The day I see a high-falutin’ ladyword like “gallantry” in Pluggers is the day I shit in my hat.
LogopolisMike
August 10th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Let the record show, on July 30th of this Mary Worth plot, I wrote here.

“If, by the time this storyline has ended, somebody hasn’t created a Dawn/Wilbur video to Celine Dion’s Titantic-theme “My Heart Will Go On”, I will consider the Internet a failure.”

The Internet hasn’t helped out, so it seems like today’s strip is as close as I get.
Cloudbuster
August 10th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#211): Did you see Tropic Thunder? Cruise would nail the Wilbur role!
terrapin
August 10th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

A3G: Tune in tomorrow when Evan grows breasts.

MW: Yeah, Dawn. But before that they played “Timothy”. What does that suggest to you?

RMMD: Hah! I have a new favorite Rex Morgan character! “Pay attention Dumb-ass!”
The Ridger
August 10th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

MT: I utterly refuse to believe that camera has a memory card. Or chip. Whatever. Hell, it doesn’t even look like it could change lenses… Oh. Was that the original plot twist? The EVIL POACHERS stole Rusty’s old camera, not Mark’s fancy one he actually used? Because I think they’re going to try to tell us that Cherry has the card so stealing the camera isn’t going to help them out.
Cloudbuster
August 10th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#232): Tom Cruise: “Xenu is brutal!”
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

A bartender walks into a bar, and asks, “Is the termite here?”

// Wait. I’ll come in again…
Sequitur
August 10th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#239): A termite walks into an aroused bartender and says, “Oops, pardon me. Wrong wood.”

//It was funnier in rehearsal.
DaveyK
August 10th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

“What was C.F.T?”

“Custom Fuzzy Ties. I’m wearing one right now. It was made from my own hair.”
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#240): An entomologist walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Bug off!”
[Old Man] Muffaroo
August 10th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

A termite walks into a saloon and says “Is the bartender here?”

Thank my cousin.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 10th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

Today’s comics page is brutal. Looks like I may have to fall back on my old ways.

CtC: Wow, Carla’s gadget supplier “X” is her grandmother? She’s still alive?! No way, “Granny” must be a pet name. I can’t believe anyone who lived through the Depression still has breasts that perky.

FW: “Or maybe it’s because I ate that deep-fried chocolate-covered bacon on a stick. It’s so hard to tell ennui from a debilitating stroke when you’re the one having it. Is one side of my face sagging?” “No more than usual, babe.”

GW: They’re getting a butler? Really? This strip is officially out of ideas, since I seem to recall this being the plot of the show-within-a-show of Seinfeld. Next week: Donny jumps over a shark tank on his Big Wheel.

MW: “Know what’s even more unbelievable? The pilot is rolling the helicopter to try to dump us into the ocean!” “No, Dawn, that’s actually a tidal wave lifting the ship. In a few seconds, our helicopter will be engulfed by water. Looks like none of us can escape our final exit, after all.” “Life is brublublublub!”

Marvin: Say, Rachel’s a hottie. I’m going to convince myself that this means Marvin eventually did get potty-trained, since the alternative means… “Oh, that’s an interesting nickname, Rachel. Does that mean you’re from Cleveland?”
tallyHO
August 10th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#233):

For Pluggers, “gallontry” is what you sit under for a spell to enjoy your jug of moonshine.

“Chivalry”…well, to a Plugger that means you gotta drink more of the moonshine to shake of the chills. But, that’s just the Plugger’s Burden.
kkarenb
August 10th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

@ReFOOBED(Y385) – I believe that Melissa has always been rich, but she wasn’t an entitled bitch about it. You are right about the appearance update – clothing from this century is okay. However, her new bitchiness is downright loathsome.

@Shrug (#220): Oh, come on! Your wife isn’t a chicken or a kangaroo, is she?

A3G – Checkov’s business card.
debussy fields
August 10th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

MT–If that camera contains a computer chip, then that truck must have a hybrid engine, built-in GPS, computer-aided anti-lock brakes, rear back-up cams, and heated side mirrors.
tallyHO
August 10th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#242):

An etymologist walks in a bar and the bartender sez, What’s the Word?
Dead Chum Shrine
August 10th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#Y351): I don’t think anyone has ever rhymed “et cetera” and “embonpoint” before!
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#248): A toxicologist walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, “What’s your poison?”
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#250): An ichthyologist walks into a French bar and the bartender asks, “What’s your poisson?”
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

@debussy fields (#247):

Of course it is. Didn’t you know that Mark Trail comics are filled with the latest and most up to date pieces of technology. It just looks very old and out dated.
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#194): I’m used to groans, general surliness, and spitballs. I am a preacher, after all.

// Some of the most neurotic, self-hating people I ever knew were librarians. But they worked at the engineering library, which probably explains a lot.
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

You know, I’ve never found county fairs melancholy. Tacky, yes.
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

MW-You know what’s unbelievable we showed a young girl separated from her mother and we never followed up on it. She’s probably drowning right now as we speak.
Comcis Fan
August 10th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

Today’s Pluggers is brought to you by the 1994 United States Figure Skating Team.

A3G: “Evan, why didn’t you bother to put Linda Emery’s phone number on your resume? Your paper resume, no less? Handing me her business card makes your application appear rather lazy and sloppy.”

“Oh, but Ms. Magee, this is no ordinary business card. This is a vibrating business card. I thought you might find it intriguing, plus, it has Linda Emery’s number on it.”

“Ah, interesting. I will take that then. Now relax, Evan. You were great.”
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

If you were to take all the “guy walks into a bar” jokes brought forth at this site in the last couple of months, and laid them end to end, well, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.
Nehemiah Scudder
August 10th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

@pastordan (#254): Tacky reminds me of Dave!
tallyHO
August 10th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

@Mr. Manchineel (#251):

A Hypochondriac, Doctor-fearing Luddite walks into a bar and says to the bartender:
I need a drink!
The bartender sez, Geez, pal. You look like you’re in pain.
The Luddite sez, Yeah, I figure something strong will help right now.
The bartender sez, where’s the pain?
The Luddite: In my side.
The bartender sez, There’s an appendectomy for that.
The Luddite: Wha?

//i can’t write haiku
good enough to say that I
can write haiku well.
Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
August 10th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#219): Are you trying to tell us something, Professor Babe?
Downpuppy
August 10th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

A philosopher walks into a bar & punches the clock.
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

FW-The food is heavily fried of things that normally shouldn’t be fried. The rides are poorly maintained. The games are heavily rigged. The acts are bands who used to have best selling albums, have gold albums on their walls and are reduced to playing the county fair circuit.
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

MW-Out of all the people on that ship we are the only ones who have been rescued.
HAnzMFG
August 10th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Pluggers have an embarrassingly old fashioned sense of humor combined with G-rated cursing because they think they still live in the 1950s.
HAnzMFG
August 10th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

Wow, good thing Margo didn’t just take the resume and tell him to scram from her office, or else that thrilling and resume-saving conversation might have never taken place for him to give her the card.
Amanda Kate
August 10th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

MW: Ha ha ha, it’s funny because that song was from the titanic movie and now everybody that was on Wilbur and Dawn’s ship is dead!
Voshkod
August 10th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

Looks to me like Dawn’s found a new kink for herself. She can only truly enjoy herself when there’s danger involved. In the next storyline, she engages in “relations” danging from a hot-air balloon, then near the women’s shelter in the bad part of Santa Royale, and finally in the middle of the Syrian uprising. Poor Wilbur, whose horizons begin and end at the crust of his sandwich, can only wistfully remember the days Dawn was distractable by shiny objects, like kite flying.
Harold
August 10th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

So Orlando from Alan Moore’s “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” series is applying for a job with Margo – mid transformation? Though my first though was “Linda was my boss at C.F.T. – hold on while I morph into her.”
Vince M
August 10th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#186): I dunno, I’ve heard Wayne Knight, Danny DeVito, and Jason Alexander as Wilber, but these guys are all too…dynamic, I guess. They tend to play folks with intense temperaments, and I see Wilber as wan and watery…who was that guy in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, can’t remember the character, singing the ‘Popeye’ song in a quiet little trembling voice?
Mr. Manchineel
August 10th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

@Harold (#268): I had a similar thought — which brought Tilda Swinton to mind because she played him/her in the film version of Woolf’s novel. The connections have connections — wheels within wheels, man!
bourbon babe, unbuckled
August 10th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

@Vince M (#269): This could be a bit of unexpected casting.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
August 10th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

@Honey Badger, Does not give a shit (#260): Fuck no.
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
August 10th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

MT: Rusty’s going to get himself kidnapped, isn’t he?
Pippy the Ziphead
August 10th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

My Heart Goes On? Ugh, no wonder the boat sank. It might’ve been more fitting had they played Miss Misery instead.
Katzenjammer Kid
August 10th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

Haven’t been following Mary Worth closely… but are there really only FOUR survivors from that cruise ship full of hundreds of passengers and crew?
Vince M
August 10th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

@Vince M (#269): Found him – Sydney Lassick. Unfortunately, too dead.
Snarkotix Addict
August 10th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#142) When did Evan change into an androgynous looking woman?

About 2 years ago – you hardly notice the scars now.
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#273):

Maybe they will take Rusty fishing.
pastordan
August 10th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#258): I’m tempted to say I meant tacky not in the sense of “in poor taste,” but “sticky, not quite dry.” But that would probably remind you of Dave even more, and we can’t have that.
Snarkotix Addict
August 10th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#173): “the ramkiller”

Isn’t that a new Dodge pickup?
The Diamond in the Window
August 10th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

But in apartment 3G, are you not, um, concerned by the fact that Evan appears to be morphing into a women in the second panel? As in “No problem. Here’s her business card, Ms. Magee, because in fact, I am she.”
Peanut Gallery
August 10th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#125):

I dood it. Thanks, Peanut Gallery.

Good! Even they’re too timid to use that caption, at least you’ll have shown them how it should be done.
Chaze
August 10th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

For the role of Wilbur, i nominate:

Paul Willson aka Paul from Cheers.
Chaze
August 10th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

Dang! Another COTW that’s not mine. These University of Phoenix online joke writing classes aren’t paying off.
teenchy
August 10th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

Huh. I thought it had been well established that Dick Van Patten was born to play Wilbur.
Doctor Handsome
August 10th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

The Wilbur casting call begins and ends with Dick Van Patten.
cj
August 10th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

Plug:
I don’t mean to be alarmist, but that beclothed ursine fellow appears to be dead.

Worth:
Today’s strip, in which we learn the crew was tempting fate, and is therefore culpable. Also, that Dawn has terrible taste in music, to absolutely no one’s surprise.
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

Archie-Damnit, Betty, I got the tub with the special hole in the bottom and by god you are going to stick your hand in it.
Slug
August 10th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

Today, Luann’s everygirl protagonist demonstrates the healthy trait of projecting her hormonal issues onto her healthy friend. Remember: peer pressure is a noble thing if it’s in the name of ~~hypothetical~~ true love.
Shrug
August 10th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

@Harold (#268):

Well, s/he has already battled with or against Fu Manchu, the Invisible Man, Mr. Hyde, Aleister-Crowley-Under-a-Thin-Disguise, Lovecraftian Things and the Moonchild, so s/he is better prepared than most of us to deal with the horror that is Margo. Not *well enough* prepared, mind you, but at least there’s a bit of the old warm-up practice there.
Shrug
August 10th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#290):

And the moment I hit send I remembered that Orlando was not in fact around for the adventures with Fu Manchu, Invisible Man, or Mr. Hyde, so s/he is not in fact as semi-warmed-up as I’d thought. Margo is going to stomp hir into the ground.
La Cieca
August 10th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

@StriderGirl (#13): Actually I have a friend who is a singer on cruise ships and she says that the Titanic song is one of the most frequent requests, right up there with “Memory” and “New York New York.” I guess hideous tacky taste in music trumps context every time.
La Cieca
August 10th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

3G: “I am Linda Emery whom no man will ever possess. Clad only in my garter belt and one dress shield, I held off the entire elite of the M and M Agency, a race who possess no words for ‘why’ or ‘because’.”
Dale
August 10th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

@Perky Bird (#87):

My first thought was Plugger trash talk had to do with garbage collection. But you’re right. Just like fried squirrel brains, “Them’s good eats.” @pastordan (#102):
Dale
August 10th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

@pastordan (#102):

Don’t the previews come after the cartoons, but before the second feature?
It’s been a long time …
Alex Blaze
August 10th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

They played “My Heart Will Go On” on a cruise? What’s next, will the flight home show “Snakes on a Plane”?
LanceThruster
August 10th, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

A3G it’s probably a safe assumption that the entire pointless action in today’s installment only exists to kill time?

Au contraire! It’s an opportunity to show what a crackerjack depiction the artist can do of a business card.
commodorejohn
August 10th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

Agnes – A good name for a rock band: “Hirsute Nose Region.”

A3G – Hey Glen, you’re slippin’ into “Glenda.”

Crankshaft – I wish the pixie goats would sprinkle pixie-goat dust on these schmucks and send them off into the stratosphere.

Curtis – This storyline contains a deeply satisfying amount of psychological torment for Barry. Please, by all means, continue.

FW – Echoing C. Sandy Cyst here. All this needs is a specific mention of Cancer to be the Platonic-ideal Funky Winkerbean strip.

H&L – Yes, it has been that long, considering that their last album was released in 1969. However, I’m unclear on why exactly Chip is suddenly down on bands that broke up over 40 years ago, considering that he’s consistently depicted with a Jimi Hendrix poster in his room. Keep yer damn continuity straight, Browne Entertainment LLC!

JP – “You grilled those venison steaks to perfection, Sam! Like everything you do, it’s always entirely perfect!” “Yes, I know.”

Liō – Alien Vs. Predator has nothing on this.

Luann – “See?” whines Greg Evans. “I can so draw more than ten characters! I just choose not to!”

MT – Yay! More pathetic anti-Rusty violence!

Pluggers – Tomorrow: “Pluggers remember when sports were played for honor and not blood.”

RMMD – If this whole storyline consisted of crotchety old women chewing out Rex for being an inattentive prick, I would not be opposed to that.

SF – Cripes, it’s like the anti-Luann in terms of plot resolution.

Shoe – “Body English?” What. Does anybody say that?
Mr K Martin
August 10th, 2012 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean gets depressing at times, but hey, I’ve been in a good mood lately, so I think I’ll read it this week with an open mind. Here goes.

MONDAY: Hey, it’s Wally and his girlfriend. They’re going to the fair. Fairs are fun. And Buddy’s coming along. He’s a cool dog. Heh heh! He likes fried pickles too. That’s cute.

TUESDAY: Heh heh. Yeah, those wacky funhouse mirrors can remind you of how your body can go to pot if you’re not careful. Good one, Batuik.

WEDNESDAY: Well, I didn’t laugh, but that’s cute. Made me smile. Nice to see everyone having a good time. Life is wonderful, isn’t it?

THURSDAY: Ha ha ha! They’re in the ferris wheel. Buddy’s covering his face like Scooby Doo. He’ll be fine though. The whole atmosphere of Wally and his nice girlfriend and his lovable dog having such a good time makes me so happy I want to call my family and tell them I love them after I buy them all Hallmark cards.

FRIDAY: Wow! It sure was fun reading Funky this week. I was afraid he might get depressing but so far it’s been good laughs and good vibes. Makes me glad to be alive. Well, let’s read it today and see – - OH, HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

SATURDAY: Don’t bother reading Funky. Give up on living and spend all day drinking whiskey out of a paper bag and watching “Leaving Las Vegas” over and over. DAMN YOU, BATUIK!!!!!!!!!
demoncat
August 10th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

mw and dawn finaly decides to see the irony of the trip by bringing up celion dion my heart will go on trying to finish sinking ships and relizes wilbur and her have to now move on to the next disaster waiting them. on this adventure fw. and thus funky once again ends a good time by reminding everyone how depressing the funky verse is and all things bring an end except for those in the fv who have to wait for death
Sgt. Stoned
August 10th, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

@Mr. Magoo (#11): MW: Or if Wilbur is really drowning and the whole “rescue” is just a last hallucination.
DearZeus
August 10th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

You know, Funky Winkerbean, you don’t have to lift ideas from your “fun” series Crankshaft (http://joshreads.com/?p=1678). That’ll just make things even more depressing (which may or may not be impossible at this point.)
Cloudbuster
August 10th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

@Mr K Martin (#299): Dear Wendy,

I’m trying to drink whiskey from a paper bag, but it keeps soaking through the paper. My trousers and shirt are sopping wet. I’m not very drunk, but I smell like a distillery (which is good, I guess). Should I try double bagging?
Harry F
August 10th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth – They think they’re safe. Just wait until they realize that they’re on a helicopter with a wooden floor
Mr K Martin
August 10th, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

@Cloudbuster (#303):

No. Just wring out the trousers and shirt over a beer mug.
Greg K
August 10th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

In the last panel, Apt 3-G looks like a reprisal of the movie “Boys Don’t Cry” today.
Dale
August 10th, 2012 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#298):

Body English – Are you asking whether people actually use the term or indicating that you’ve never heard it?
Liam
August 10th, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

@Alex Blaze (#296):

The movie will be “Alive”.
commodorejohn
August 10th, 2012 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

@Dale (#307): Both, actually.
Dale
August 11th, 2012 at 12:18 am [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#309):

I’ve never used the term and have no immediate plans to do so.
Watch a lot of bowling programs and report back.

“body english” could become a useful euphemism for something.
Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
August 11th, 2012 at 3:36 am [Reply]

The only way I can see this “business card” nonsense possibly become interesting is if there’s some information on the card that Margo wasn’t supposed to get, like a salacious handwritten note from this Linda, or the number for Linda’s more lucrative side business.

What do you want to bet Margo interviews precisely zero other candidates for whatever job this is, and offers this kid the job with only a cursory (if any) reference check? Really, I can’t imagine she’d have much time to waste finding someone for this job when she has all her publicist work to do, and also runs the Mills Gallery, and also has a party planning business with two employees (one of whom seems to have disappeared into the mists of South Dakota without warning), and also owns her apartment building…am I forgetting anything?
jmy_9595
August 11th, 2012 at 3:54 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#59): Yeah. they did play “My Heart Will Go On” on the Costa Concordia (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/9022349/Costa-Concordia-Titanic-theme-tune-played-as-cruise-ship-hit-rocks.html). As they used to say, ripped from the headlines, i.e., we can’t be bothered to think up original material.

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