The Comics Curmudgeon

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Sunday panel quickies

Panels from Apartment 3-G, 2/10/08

Margo knows that a big crowd is best primed to appreciate fine art when it’s very, very drunk.

Panels from Curtis, 2/10/08

Actual conversation I had just moments ago with my wife, who went to a Quaker college:

Me: Hey, sweetie, did you know that Curtis learned about Quakers in school today?

Her: Why was Curtis in school today? It’s the weekend.

Me: [Sound of mind being completely blown]

Panel from Spider-Man, 2/10/08

THIS JUST IN: Spider-Man is not, in fact, an elephant.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 10, 2008 at 10:34 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Curtis, Spider-Man.

160 responses to “Sunday panel quickies”

Sue Shmoo
February 10th, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

I would need plenty of wine for THAT show…
Uncle Lumpy
February 10th, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

Bitten by a radioactive elephant, Peter Parker has gained that marsupial’s proportionate strength!
Ranger
February 10th, 2008 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

I had no idea Curtis’ mom was in the Crips!
Rainbird
February 10th, 2008 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

The thought of wine appears to have aged Margo as well.

Who knew.
Tim
February 10th, 2008 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

But, elephants — aren’t — marsupials; are they?
Rainbird
February 10th, 2008 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

Josh, I figured Curtis had gone to Sunday School. I mean, don’t they teach that sort of stuff there.

If you are looking for logic in Curtis, you have gone to the wrong strip.
zazu
February 10th, 2008 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

Elephants are simply unable to navigate Google with the deftness and speed of Spider-Man. Those pesky trunks are no good for typing, and they are downright terrified of the mouse.
Greentea
February 10th, 2008 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

I think I must be going insane. I actually found the Sunday FC funny. Then again, it echoed a running joke in my own large family. Still, FC should not be funny.
fillmoreeast
February 10th, 2008 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

The notion of an elephant carrying its young in a pouch is at once breathtaking and horrifying.

I believe, in fact, that while not an elephant, Spider-Man is a large ruminant of some sort. Possibly a musk ox or hartebeest.
Just_human
February 10th, 2008 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

I really need to get a good RSS feed for Spider-Man and Apartment 3-G.
Benjamin Baxter
February 10th, 2008 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

There are two Curtis possibilities.

First, it’s Saturday School. Curtis is a truant, and his rambling, barely sober Saturday School proctor mentioned something about Quakers and the Underground Railroad.

Second, it’s Sunday School. Curtis is a Quaker. I hope this helps.

http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/
AAckTTpth, who is no elephantologist
February 10th, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

But is Elephant Man not a spider?
Zaq
February 10th, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

No matter what context I imagine that Spider-Man line to be in, it’s funny.

“Spider-Man, are you an elephant?”
“What ISN’T Spider-Man?”
“How come you don’t have tusks, Spider-Man?”
“Spider-Man, is your uncle named Dumbo?”
“Spider-Man, say the first thing that comes to your head.”
J. Neas
February 10th, 2008 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

Long time reader, first time poster. Hey! I’m a Quaker college graduate as well. Guilford College, to be precise. We have a historical marker for the college’s involvement in the Underground Railroad up outside the campus.

Which one did the missus go to?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
February 10th, 2008 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

Greentea @ 8: You… you found a “Not Me” FC strip funny?!? You better post something derisive of Cathy or FBOFW right quick, or I’ll have to ask you to turn in your Jungle Patrol badge.
Buck Ripsnort
February 10th, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

A spider isn’t an insect, and Spider-Man is not an elephant.
An elephant never forgets, and Spidey can’t remember anything except tonight’s TV listings.
Elephants do – not – get whacked w/ a rolled-up paper by Garfield.
Zaq
February 10th, 2008 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

Wait, I just got it! Spider-Man’s riffing off of The Elephant Man, you know, the “I… AM NOT… AN ANIMAL!” scene.

Granted, the Elephant Man never actually explicitly denied being an elephant, it was more of a general thing, but they probably changed things a little bit in the made-for-tv movie that Spider-Man actually saw.
Eric B.
February 10th, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

Regardless of what kind of school Curtis is coming home from, I’m still wondering what’s so “eye-popping” about that historical tidbit he learned. Maybe he thought Quakers never did anything but make Oats? Wait’ll he finds out that the whole kerfuffle at Harper’s Ferry didn’t actually involve anybody getting on a boat.
Kaitlyn
February 10th, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

The tranquilizer did mess with Spidey – it slowed his reflexes. If he were to resume normal activity right now without eating something absorb the drug, it may take him an entire second to change the channel when anything remotely entertaining comes on.
Electro of the Jungle Patrol
February 10th, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

@13 Zaq, Stop it; you’re making me cry!
Eric B.
February 10th, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

Other things Spider-Man is not:

* a tiger
* a cat
* a Sumatran rat
* a general contractor
* a Quaker

He may, however, be a dung beetle.
Mac
February 10th, 2008 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

My guess is that “plenty of wine” for Margo is at least twice what “plenty of wine” is for anyone else, and that there will be lots left over, charged to Eric as “expenses”. Margo can store it in Tommie’s room, she won’t dare complain.
Kaitlyn
February 10th, 2008 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

Curtis was in school on Sunday.

Calvin went to school on Sunday many times. Sometimes you need Sunday space to tell a joke or educate people about oatmeal. (Those Quakers are friends of the digestive system!)
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 10th, 2008 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

Spiderman–isn’t–an elephant!

Mary Worth–isn’t–a chipmunk!

Rex Morgan–isn’t–a pedophile!

Dick Tracy–isn’t–a gazebo!

The Phantom–isn’t–an ice cream flavor!

No seriously–Rex Morgan–isn’t–a pederast!

Gil Thorp–isn’t–a Pacific Island chain!

Sally Forth–isn’t–a subgenre of techno!

Why are–you–questioning–Dr Morgan’s-ssexuality?
NJP
February 10th, 2008 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

22, that was probably Margo’s plan, but we all know that bitter drunk Alan is going to glug-glug-glug it all down, make an ass of himself, and possibly burn down the gallery.
AhClem
February 10th, 2008 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

“Spider-Man, I served with elephants, I knew elephants, elephants were friends of mine. Spider-Man, you’re no elephant!”
Dingo
February 10th, 2008 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

So, lemme see if I’ve got this… Rex has slid into a hole. He doesn’t want to move out of it and now wants Nikki to do all of the work. Nikki has to communicate what he wants and Rex expects others to join them.

Yeah, the strip is exactly where I expected it to be.
Halifaxer
February 10th, 2008 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

Enough with the legless lawyer! WHAT WAS IN THOSE BROWNIES?!?
Buck Ripsnort (is -not- an elephant)
February 10th, 2008 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

I live in an “art-school town”, and trust Margo– free wine is the ONLY reason half the people go to art shows. Only reason I go, anyway.
Mike P
February 10th, 2008 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

I totally scooped you, Mister Fruhlinger.
Rainbird
February 10th, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

18 Eric B.

The joke was not about the Quakers but about the affair between the gym teacher and the assistant dean. We don’t know if this is shocking because they are both married, but not to each other, they are not married, but Curtis’s mother lives in a world where that is shocking, they are both the same sex, and that is shocking to Curti’s mother.

Or they are both elephants, and Curtis’s mother lives in a world where that simply is not done.
satyricaldude
February 10th, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

Wouldn’t it make sense to have some sort of ear metaphor in regards to something Curtis heard? It freaks me out that sounds could make my eyes explode. I would hope my eardrums would go first.
Gold-Digging Nanny
February 10th, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny

Sunday SFx is one of us! One of us!
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080210&name=Slylock

1) In panel one, “Comix” is spelled incorrectly for humorous effect despite the fact that humorous misspellings have never, ever been humorous. In panel two, it was misspelled by a semi-literate page editor.
2) The cake in panel one is German chocolate. The boy in panel one will find out too late that he is allergic to coconut. Worst. Rash. Ever.
3) Both boys wanted to buy a Spider-Man comic. The boy in panel one, however, bought a newspaper comics section for his Spider-Man fix. He should have bought a TV Guide.
4) The socks in panel two made a guest appearance in yesterday’s Get Fuzzy:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/2/9&name=Fuzzy
5) The stinky socks in panel one will add an unpleasant, but somewhat savory flavor to the cake.
6) The chair in panel one came from the sidewalk in front of a frat house. The chair in panel two came from the sidewalk in front of a Super 8 Motel.

This episode of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny has been brought to you by Dr. Scholl’s Odor Eaters.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
February 10th, 2008 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

Since Josh posts the COTW on Mondays now, that means I can squeak in under the wire with these entries of Saturday snark that I couldn’t post on Saturday because the site was down. Please refer to Saturday’s comics to get the funny.

Baldo: What is supposed to be emanating from Chipmunk Girl’s left thigh in panel 2? Light? Sound? Pain? The splendor of God? Knowing how Baldo feels about her, I’d guess the latter, except that would emanate from a little higher and to the right. Yeah, I’d “stand on” that, too, hermano.

(WT)DT: Let’s see, ugly figures, physically impossible hand positions, odd obsession with crotch shots… is Dick Locher trying out to be the new Gil Thorp artist?

Dilbert: …joins the Finger-Quotin’ Margo fan club.

D’Bury: Alex has a pearl necklace. I wonder if she was fantasizing about Obama while it was happening.

EC: I’m a little upset about this storyline. Yes, the kids did something they shouldn’t while Len was out, but no real harm was done, and I bet the kids learned a lesson. At that age, the kids should be able to be left alone for 15 minutes. And how much of the popcorn-burning took place in the 5 minutes (at least) that she was berating him in the driveway? Grow a spine, Len. His reaction isn’t surprising, though, since his franticness to have dinner done by 7:00 indicates there will be penalties to pay if it’s even a minute late. Painful penalties over the knee of Mistress Abby, She Who Is To Be Obeyed. (Somewhere, the Rule 34 gnomes are scribbling away…)

FC: “You don’t have a forehead, Jeffy. None of us do. See? No line. I can push my finger right into it.”

JP: I call bullshit on Steve’s story. There are enough land mines buried around Afghanistan that there’s no need to make it a case of passive-aggressive revenge by murder-plotters’ kin. Besides, if the killer’s friends wanted to get revenge on a guy sleeping in a tent so poorly guarded that they could plant a landmine in front of it undetected, they’d save themselves the trouble, storm in and just shoot him instead.

Marvin: What… what is that lumpy, misshapen flipper Marvin’s waving around in panel 2? I thought thalidomide was banned from the market decades ago. Poor Marvin, I feel sorry for him now.

MW: I know it’s been said before, but I feel compelled to ask… Does anyone wear a ponytail up at the crown of the head like that?

Phantom: “That’s the last we’ll see of those two fine pieces of tail! …Wait, what are we doing? I haven’t seen a woman since I signed up for this outfit! Hey! HEY, you two! Come back, you’re hired!”

6C: Call me shallow, but maybe you’d attract a year-’round boyfriend if you got a good bra that could even out those misshapen sacks of wet oatmeal you call breasts.

SFx: Why is there a mouse in the snowman’s groin? That thought is going to disturb me until something even more physically repulsive comes along to displace it.

S-M: OK, that did it. Seriously — whose hand is that with the tranquilizer gun? ‘Cause both of Persuader’s arms are webbed securely to his sides. Is that Persuader’s power? Detachable limbs? A conjoined fetal twin in his abdomen? Gil Thorpian powers of joint rearrangement? What?
Joe Btfsplk
February 10th, 2008 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

Rex Morgan – I was thinking that Rex had fallen into some kind of cave or mineshaft or something serious like that. By the look of things today, he’s not even in a hole. He’s standing on level ground at the bottom of a gentle slope barely higher than his head. I would throw this tree branch down for him, but I’m using it, to suspend my disbelief.
pccmdoc
February 11th, 2008 at 12:00 am [Reply]

For years I have loved how the Superheroes of this world eschewed political affiliation. So many opportunities, Bruce Wayne would clearly benefit from fiscal conservatism in growing his vast fortune. But clearly bleeding heart liberalism that abounds in a lot of these superhero strips…you know, save and fool in any dumb situation they got themselves impossibly immersed in if not for the presence of someone with super powers (or extreme wealth like Bruce)…would make you think that most of them are closet Democrats.

So I think Spidey here is just adding to his long line of lame, obvious comments. He is not a republican, but come on, he’s poor, he now lives in Hollywood, and he tries to save people. Thank you for the enlightment Peter. Now go back to the internet searching.
Barney Google
February 11th, 2008 at 12:08 am [Reply]

I found it very informative that Spider-Man isn’t an elephant. I did some research today and I found some other things that I was surprised, dare I say amazed, to find out that Spider-man is not:

- Hippopotamus
- Duck-billed platypus
- Titmouse
- Shrimp puff
- Piece of crap (this one really shocked me)
- Brick
- Household appliance
- Vial of anthrax
- Tub of margarine
- Moldy cheese
- Dung beetle
bootis
February 11th, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

Earl the vacuum kid is real!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5wn7St3A14
Oddball
February 11th, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

See? Spidey can offer up his political agenda without fear of being erased from the comic pages. Take that, BC!
Windier E. Megatons
February 11th, 2008 at 12:10 am [Reply]

Spider-Man may not be an elephant, but he never forgets… to be the lamest superhero ever. I think an elephant would have better resistance to bricks, for instance.
Eric L
February 11th, 2008 at 12:16 am [Reply]

31- For some reason I thought the joke was that the gym teacher and assistant dean were both men. Re reading it I don’t know how I got that impression, but at least it would qualify as “eye popping” to an elementary school stdent.
maudamanda
February 11th, 2008 at 12:16 am [Reply]

thank you for not posting the individual panels from blondie. seeing them once was enough.
Greentea
February 11th, 2008 at 12:18 am [Reply]

I will declare a national holiday the day every newspaper yanks Cathy. The way the strip is going, it won’t be long.
Poteet
February 11th, 2008 at 12:20 am [Reply]

# 21 Eric — Re your speculation, I have never watched dung beetles in person, but I’ve seen them on TV and was impressed by their focus, energy, and determination. I have a feeling that Spider-Man would have a hard time making it as a dung beetle. I can just see him slouching around griping about the poor quality of the dung.
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
February 11th, 2008 at 12:22 am [Reply]

Dammit! Monday again!

MW: Oh, no, Drew! Surely you’ve heard the song, “You don’t come back from Aldo’s curve!” — pull over! Pull over!

FOOB: …aaaaaaaaaand it’s back to Asshole Classics.

Anything else? Nah, that’s about it.
Dingo
February 11th, 2008 at 12:22 am [Reply]

I must refute you, Greentea. I have just moved to a community that still prints Fred Basset in the daily paper. Fred Basset makes Marmaduke seem downright topical.

Cathy will continue until all that’s left is cockroaches, Cher, and George Bush’s integrity.
off-model
February 11th, 2008 at 12:30 am [Reply]

At least Curtis still goes to school unlike certain comic strip teachers. Apparently the last time Liz Patterson actually taught was also on a Sunday though that was probably because it was the only day she could squeeze into her busy schedule of staring blankly as she acquiesced.
SecretMargo
February 11th, 2008 at 12:32 am [Reply]

41: You’re right. The words “bungalow” and “Key West” are the clinchers.

I think Billingsley was counting on his more easily shocked readers being lulled into a slumber by the reams of Quaker trivia before they got there.
Stev0
February 11th, 2008 at 12:34 am [Reply]

Can he swing from a web? No he can’t, he’s an elephant…
NotThatGuy
February 11th, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

I think Spiderman IS an elephant.
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 11th, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

#34 SSB
Yeah, the Judge Parker landmine story rings false to me as well. If Taliban Joe could dig it up and re-bury it in front of Steve’s tent without blowing himself up, there’s a good chance it was a dud. In the context of the strip I know Steve’s telling the truth. In real life I’d figure him for a shameless conman who probably still has his real legs.
Non-Shannon (of Jungle Patrol fame)
February 11th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

Today’s Popeye…didn’t go at all where I was expecting it to.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080210&name=Popeye
Starrynight
February 11th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

So, Spider Man is not an elephant. There goes my theory of the world…
Francis
February 11th, 2008 at 1:03 am [Reply]

Never has anyone looked sadder about successful publicity than whoever that glasses-wearing non-Margo is.
mollificent
February 11th, 2008 at 1:04 am [Reply]

If I may, for a moment, go totally OT:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, I needed that. We now return you to your regularly scheduled not-an-elephant snarkage.

Molly
Francis
February 11th, 2008 at 1:07 am [Reply]

@Greentea:

I’m confused. You only found today’s Family Circus strip funny? But isn’t it the exact same Sunday strip that Family Circus has been running for several hundred years now?
Gabacho
February 11th, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Mary Worth – There are two ways Drew can go with this – either drive off the cliff and be with Aldo or like his dad, head off to Vietnam.

The cliff dive has the advantage of ensuring that he never has to see the ponytailed brotherfucker again but Mary would want to speak at his funeral.

Vietnam on the other hand is a pleasant place, oddly Caucasian based on Mary’s trip, and really needs a doctor since the ones there had to rely on Mary’s medical advice, but Mary might try to rescue him.

That’s quite a dilemma that Dr Drew has going on but either way, we’ll win.

Apartment 3-G – so they don’t even bother to draw a Monday strip anymore? Just stick repeat panels from Sunday in its place. How much effort could it take to keep this lame strip alive?

Mark Trail – and what lives in caves, Mark? Bears live in caves. You have to make up your mind. Do you want to dive for beavers or bunk with bears? This muddled bisexuality is why people don’t like you and keep trying to kill you.
LTBF
February 11th, 2008 at 1:11 am [Reply]

Monday’s Foob….

I didn’t know pulling someone’s hair was considered “teasing”. Unless by teasing he was trying to style it. Which actually makes seense because I can easily picture Mike as a hair stylist.
Bobdog
February 11th, 2008 at 1:18 am [Reply]

SM – Apparently Spiderman has just read the book “Don’t Think of a Elephant” — but I think he missed the point.
Donald The Anarchist
February 11th, 2008 at 1:18 am [Reply]

S-M Is he still upset that MJ told him she wanted to do it “elephant style?” That’s where he gives her an experience she won’t forget. Of course, if it’s “Republican-Elephant Style” he’s constantly changing positions without warning, but won’t pull out no matter how many times she tells him to…
Charlene, Arctic Jungle Patrol Waitress
February 11th, 2008 at 1:20 am [Reply]

Where’s the last TDIET? It doesn’t seem to have shown up at the P-I or the Chron.
Bobdog
February 11th, 2008 at 1:23 am [Reply]

A3G – Silly Josh, the wine is for Margo, not the gullible art patrons.
jvwalt
February 11th, 2008 at 1:29 am [Reply]

A3G: Get a load of the still-life in panel 1. That’s exactly the kind of art that the high-falutin’ esthetes of New York City are sure to snap up. Well, they will after they down copious quantities of the cheapest plonk Margo could find.

I’m not surprised that Margo has resorted to such trickeration. I’m just surprised that she settled for wine as the way to cloud the esthetes’ sensibilities. She’d probably sell even more of this lousy motel-wall art if she filled the gallery with that poison gas from LuAnn’s studio.
Bobdog
February 11th, 2008 at 1:45 am [Reply]

If someone’s trying to guess Spiderman’s identity through a game of 20 questions, their approach is all wrong.
Mike P
February 11th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

In the comics, Spider-Man is a dynamic and exciting hero. In the comic strip, he gets knocked out with a lead pipe by some guy he was trying to help. Nice going, Spidey.
mingosthename
February 11th, 2008 at 2:08 am [Reply]

Felled by a blow to the head again spider-man?! Didn’t we go through this with that butler? Maybe you should invest in a helmet.
Mike P
February 11th, 2008 at 2:10 am [Reply]

You’d think he’d build up a tolerance by now, all the times he’s been struck in the head. Bricks, lead pipes, metal tentacles… nothing should be able to scratch that battle-scarred noggin.
Lord-z
February 11th, 2008 at 2:23 am [Reply]

You lie, Spiderman, YOU LIE!
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
February 11th, 2008 at 2:38 am [Reply]

commodorejohn:

“…My Cage hasn’t run a strip complaining about how people don’t want a strip with anthropomorphic animal characters…”

I guess that’s because we haven’t been doing too bad for a new strip, from what I know.

I mean, we’re not pulling ‘Lio’ numbers, but we’re apparently doing pretty well, and we get a LOT of positive feedback. More then I thought we would in our first year, including request for compelation books and toys.

Plus, there’s a myspace group devoted to the strip that an actual reader (i.e. not Melissa, myself, or one of our frinds or relatives) set up. It has, somthing like, 125 members.

Not bad considering we’ve only been out, like, 9 months now.

Oh, and thanks to you and Niall for the kind words about Sunday’s strip.
Mr. Nice Guy
February 11th, 2008 at 2:47 am [Reply]

Spider-Man isn’t an elephant?

Very subtle.

Don’t the cartoonists understand that this is precisely the kind of partisan political content that can get your comic strip dropped?
Mibbitmaker
February 11th, 2008 at 2:47 am [Reply]

Overheard in the comics (and elsewhere):

Spiderman: “Spiderman isn’t an elephant. Hell, I’m hardly a superhero!”

Popeye: “Dis sailor does not have elephinktitis!”

Nixon: “I am not a crook. I am, however, an elephant. I’m Republican, yes, but I also have a honker like a trunk! See?”

Bill Clinton: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman — Ms. Magee!”

Jessi Colter: “I’m not Lisa. My name is Julie…”

Nancy: “I am a teapot, short and stout — no jokes, Sluggo, or I’ll justify your nickname!”

Not Me: “Not Me is not me!”

Beaver from Sunday’s MT: “Beaver is not on the dinner menu!”

Jeffy Keane: “My head is not a basketball… it’s more of a football, really.”

MW: “Mary Worth is not helpfull in any way.”

Mikey: “Michael Patterson is not a skilled author! ……Nahh, just kidding!! I’m a freakin’ genius!”
Jym
February 11th, 2008 at 3:25 am [Reply]

=v= A3G: Plenty of wine? With a lush like Alan on the premises?

=v= Curtis (Josh): I’m just glad to see Quakers getting props in the funny pages, even on Firstday.
Mibbitmaker
February 11th, 2008 at 3:43 am [Reply]

PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT AN ELEPHANT:

Spider-Man
Spider-Woman
Spider-Dog
Boris the Spider
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
Mary Worth
Garfield
The Patterson Family
The Flagston Family
The Addams Family
A Modern Stone Age Family
The Loud Family
The Tataglia Family
Margo Magee
Mallard Fillmore (While a Republican, he is a duck)
Zonker Harris (though he thought he was for about an hour in 1968)
All mibbits but 5
Charlie Brown
Sally Brown
Snoopy Brown
James Brown
Sweet Georgia Brown
Dumbo (two men in an elephant suit)
Groucho Marx (though he did shoot one in his pajamas once)
Hobbes
Superman
Batman
Aquaman
~~Elephant Man~~
Manman
Rex Morgan, MD
June Morgan
July Morgan
August Morgan
Funky Winkerbean
Bunky Finkerbean
Kunky Finkerwean
Finky Wunkerbean
Conan the Barbarian
Conan O’Brien
Any of True Fable’s goats
Most members of the Jungle Patrol
Phantoms #5-8
Aldo Kelrast
Load Stalker
Capt. Kangaroo
SecretMargo
PublicMargo
MuleMargo
Pointy-Haired Boss
Smooth-Haired Boss
No-Haired Boss
John McCain (according to some right-wingers)
Donald Duck
Daffy Duck
Howard the Duck
Buck Henry
Huckleberry Hound
Not Me
Not Me At All
Not Even Me
Mimi Rodgers
Dwight Shrute (“Not yet” – Jim Halpert)
Smokey Stover
Smokey the Bear
Yogi Bear
Molly the Best Bear in the World
Cher
Cherry Trail
Beetle Bailey
Beatle Bailey
Rolling Stones Bailey
Bailey Quarters
Col. Angus
Col. Klink
Linda Lovelace
W. Mark Felt
Mark Trail
289:Called fat kid an elephant (got in here from Earl Hickey’s list by mistake)
Jumbo (from the Bizarro World)
Pat Oliphant
A-Train
Z-Train
Anyone named “The Professor”
And at the Charterstone Auditorium in Milford, Thorpland: Peter Sagal!
Mrs Buck Tuddrussell (Not Pirates!)
February 11th, 2008 at 3:53 am [Reply]

#61 Charlene – I came here wondering the same thing. Hopefully some kind soul scanned it or something. It must have been in the print papers, even if they did forget to show it in the online versions.
Mr. O'Malley
February 11th, 2008 at 3:55 am [Reply]

69. Ed Power, writer of My Cage. I wouldn’t knock the anthropomorphic animal genre, that’s what gave us Pogo, and it would be hard to do better than that.

I like Lio, but I hate to see new strips have to compete with one another as much as they do. Lots of new people are doing good comic art. It’s like there’s a “new strip” slot just like the “black strip” slot that the black artists were complaining about on Sunday. And of course the “Latino strip” slot, etc.

We just had this discussion about Dennis the Menace (US version). How can people get up in the morning and say “I can’t wait to see if Dennis the Menace is rerunning one of the many gags that have become familiar over its more than 50 year lifetime!”? But apparently such people exist.

In the so-called Golden Age of Comics I think that newspapers were pretty quick to cancel tired strips and get replacements, but that was before television, cable and YouTube.

I wish you good luck in the strange new world of comics. Or else, as in a recent Lio, there’s always weapons design.
Dub Not Dubya
February 11th, 2008 at 4:39 am [Reply]

La Cucaracha joined the protest a day late:

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/2/11&name=La_Cucaracha

And count me as yet another person who wants to see the final TDIET. I’m sure someone from King Features must lurk here, so hopefully they’ll hear our pleas. Otherwise, I hope someone can scan it and post it. Fare thee well, Al.
Phil, Marmaduke\'s Owner
February 11th, 2008 at 5:23 am [Reply]

Dude, my mind is completely blown, too.
Mr. O'Malley
February 11th, 2008 at 5:41 am [Reply]

This is totally mind-blowing! After my Microsoft Vista system lost two posts to this page one after another, I posted a sulphuric message condemning Bill Gates to the lowest pits of the inferno.

But when I got back to my XP system, it’s totally not here.

If you have any Microsoft stock, you should dump it right away. This company is going to be bankrupt in two years.

I am sorry that none of you will be enlightened by my discussion of the parallels between today’s comic artists and the Pre-Raphaelite school in 19th century Britain. But it’s late and I am just too tired to type it in a third time.

Bill Gates, like a Plugger your software is from a different century. Possibly the 13th century.
Bobdog
February 11th, 2008 at 6:16 am [Reply]

Spiderman is, however, an ass.
Lark
February 11th, 2008 at 6:30 am [Reply]

say what you will about the last week’s 9CL, but i prefer this (admittedly bizarre) O-Crap-I-Can’t-Think-of-the-Next-Boring-Plotline filler to most others. I mean, Curtis shamelessly reruns strips (”dramatic morning sequence” or “if you have nothing better to do than torture your little brother, the floor needs mopping”), MW shamelessly stretches out inane events like walking a dog or brushing teeth to last the better part of a week, and usually 9CL is the worst of all with the three-panel closeup of Edda/cat stretching.
I’ll take knock-off “The Onion” horoscopes over (dramatic inverse lighting trying to make a dialogue-free cat leaning on a piano worth 2 seconds of my comics time) ANY day. by all means, weird on Thorax, weird on.
gleeb
February 11th, 2008 at 6:40 am [Reply]

Candorville: You tell ‘em, Darrin Bell! Of course, I have never read your strip in an actual paper newspaper, but you tell ‘em!

’shaft: Kid, your grandfather can’t even figure out how to tell if they’ve closed the school due to snow.

Dennis: Least menacing in some time. You know what counts, Dennis? It’s your opponent being struck in the side of the head with a snowball. Better yet, the back of the head, which means your previous throws have also hit, and she’s running away, and when she gets inside, the snow will melt, each drip down her back telling her who is the victor and who the vanquished. That’s what counts, Dennis, if you want to be menacing.

‘bean: Unlike Harry Dinkle, Creepy Les knows little other than how to rake leaves.

H&J: Because you’re Chutney and she’s Curtis, Jamaal. You’re Brad and she’s Toni.

Sam Driver, attorney-at-law: “Thank God you’re back! I nearly had to walk down the hall and buy a tastykake from the vending machine!”

Mary: And you need to take your friend “Johnny” with you!

Phantom: And here’s Johnny Walker now! Shouting down the street that Officer Hawa is undercover, for all to hear.

Rhymes with Orange: I don’t own a truck or live in a suburb. Is this a big subject of debate, or something? Because it seems weird to me.

Spidey: It would have taken a much bigger pipe to put an elephant down.

Zippy: A coloring error in panel three. Mr Toad’s hand should be green. Wouldn’t have noticed it if Zippy wasn’t so horribly dull.
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
February 11th, 2008 at 6:49 am [Reply]

Mr. O’Malley:

Oh, I don’t consider My Cage competing against Lio. Well, I mean, not in any other way than it’s ‘competing’ with any other strip out there. I was just using that as an example of a newer strip that’s doing better then us as far as numbers of papers.

My point was the anthropomorphic animal thing doesn’t seem to be huting us since we’re doing ok. Of course, having grown up with the Muppets (my biggest influence), the Looney Tunes, Hanna Barbera, Snoopy, Woodstock, Pogo, Garfeild, Capt. Carrot, Opus, Bill, Hodge-Podge and Portnoy, it never occured to me ‘funny animals’ would be considered unusual.

I just always drew cartoon animals as a kid.
Confused
February 11th, 2008 at 6:55 am [Reply]

Indeed, Spiderman is not an elephant. Elephants do useful things.
And The
February 11th, 2008 at 7:52 am [Reply]

S-M: Thank goodness for that lead pipe, Godero. Spider-Man was beginning to act like a superhero or something. Must be an aftereffect of the tranq dart. Excitement averted!

DT: Friendly tip, writers. You may have heard those hip kids with their iPods and their hula hoops rapping down at the malt shop about loving a book because it was “like a roller coaster.” When they say things like that, they’re *only* talking about the time on the roller coaster, not that nice, relaxing two hour wait in line that allows you to catch up on your retirement planning.

I feel particularly bad for those poor dopes reading Dick Tracy who only get the weekday strips. Over a week of nothing up talking heads inanely parroting the same plots points back and forth. Then three panels of the villains on Saturday. Come Monday, too late, you missed it! What?! Recap *action*, rather than dialogue?!
AhClem
February 11th, 2008 at 8:02 am [Reply]

MW – Go, ~~Aldo~~ Drew, Go!
Hasty Penguin
February 11th, 2008 at 8:07 am [Reply]

It amazes me that Spidey gets to meet up with people as smart as Doc Oc. If this is the best the education system has to offer, we’re in trouble.
“Can anyone tell me what lustre is as a property of – Peter, your hand’s in the air already?”
“It’s not a grappling hook, professor.”
“Anyone else? Tony, how about you?”
“Actually, Peter’s answer was better than mine, Professor.”
Chance
February 11th, 2008 at 8:09 am [Reply]

Criminals, all are sunk
When he grabs ‘em with his trunk

Tramples foes, totally flat
Gores them too, just like that

Is he strong? Listen, Sherm
He’s a mutant pachyderm…

Look out, here comes the Spider-Elephant!
Mr. Coffee Nerves
February 11th, 2008 at 8:28 am [Reply]

It’s a banner day in history. On this date 66 years ago the first steam-powered, vacuum-tube, punch-card-programmed Archietron 500 went into service creating the “Archie” comic book.

This state-of-the-art technology weighed 54 tons, consumed more electricity than the nations of France, Germany and Botswana combined and had the souls of nine unlucky workers trapped within it’s PCB-laden transformers.

Programmed with four plotlines and more than seven separate jokes (two on Jughead’s love of hamburgers alone) the Archietron 500 was the precursor today’s Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000, which, as we all know, now is capable of juggling SIX plotlines and is programmed with ELEVEN jokes.

Yet, it still cannot compute this thing called “love.”
Gagott68
February 11th, 2008 at 8:35 am [Reply]

Is anyone else having problems with the Houston Chronicle, Chronicle Comics Time Tunnel and Seattle P.I. comics pages? All I get is a boxed “x”. How will I go one not knowing if Mark Trail finds another beaver house to stick his head in. Or whether Gil Thorp will find a new, more suitable torso donor for the spit-curled Andrew Gregory’s head. The horror!
Calico
February 11th, 2008 at 8:39 am [Reply]

Bawwww, I can’t get most of my comix this AM, either from DailyInk or Chron! Bawwww!
Calico
February 11th, 2008 at 8:42 am [Reply]

However, if you go to the FOOB site and take a look at the Valantine’s Day commemoration panel, it will surely make you lose your breakfast. Damn.
Kurdt
February 11th, 2008 at 8:44 am [Reply]

Boy did I hear some eye-poppin stuff at school today…
No seriously some kid got hit in the back of the head and his eyes popped out, I didn’t see it but it sounded pretty gross.
Oh yeah and something about the Quaker Oats guy running a railroad…
Tracer Bullet
February 11th, 2008 at 8:59 am [Reply]

SM: How the hell does a superhero with the ability to sense threats before they happen keep getting bashed upsided the head? Spidey should just accept the reality that his Spidey Sense is crap and start wearing a helmet.

JP: At least we now know just how slowly time moves in this strip. Bad news for Sophie, though. At a rate of 1 hour = 3 days, not only will she be in puberty until 2037, she won’t get boobs until 2015.
GotFuzzy
February 11th, 2008 at 9:04 am [Reply]

Gagott68, I feel your pain. Before Chennux magmacannoned the comics pages (Hi, Chennux!) I did get to look at the eye-poppin’ I?GT action. We did not get to see spit-curled Andrew Gregory today, but we did get to see similarly spit-curled and self-clubbing Tyler Jay!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
February 11th, 2008 at 9:05 am [Reply]

Ed Power @ 69 (heh heh, I said “69″) wrote:

I mean, we’re not pulling ‘Lio’ numbers, but we’re apparently doing pretty well, and we get a LOT of positive feedback. More then I thought we would in our first year, including request for compelation books and toys.

Don’t listen to them, Ed! The ones who want toys are all pluhophiles!

Anyway, let’s have some ~~Maureen sex~~ Monday snark! Heh, heh, Freudian slip there.

Crock: The thought of Grossie in a thong is enough to put anyone off the idea of sex with a comic strip character. Now I know where the phrase “Gag a Maggot” comes from. (By the way, I know comic strips are prepared far in advance, but so are football schedules, and it wouldn’t have been that hard to find out that football season is over by Feb. 11.)

(WT)DT: I’m currently undergoing physical therapy to rehabilitate a broken shoulder. If I want to be able to hold my wrist up to my ear from behind like Dick’s doing here, I’d have to break it again and have it set wrong.

GT: “Tyler Jay checks in at guard”? Isn’t that Andrew Gregory? I’d recognize that wannabe-Superman-spit curl anywhere.

H&J: “So why is it so hard for me… to finish a strip with a proper punchline?”

JP: It’s time for Fun with Asterisks!
“You were gone for over an hour! What happened?”
“I ran into Steve in the park and we just started to ***k!”
“That was a lot of ***king!”
“I know… he has a lot to ***k about!”

S-M: Spider-Man has been rendered unconscious by a knock to the noggin with a fellow inanimate object! I suspect that soon I shall be joined by the Amazing Spider-Pipe.
Jobiska
February 11th, 2008 at 9:13 am [Reply]

J. Neas #14 Which one did the missus go to?

If I recall correctly, she went to Earlham, as did I.

Jym #72 I’m just glad to see Quakers getting props in the funny pages, even on Firstday.

I would have liked it better if Curtis hadn’t spoken in the past tense, as if Quakers didn’t exist past the 19th century! (Yeah sure, the Underground Railroad was in the past, but then he continues with “they believeD” etc.)

This is the first time in ages that I’ve cared enough about a Sunday strip I don’t get in my paper to go digging beyond the non-Sunday-featuring Houston Chronicle page, but I had to see the Quaker
details. I’d love to see what book the teacher gave them, because I have not been able to find very many good books for children about the history of Quakers.

Curtis’ phrasing reminds me of when a fellow genealogical researcher corresponded with me about a family line, and concluded “Did you know they [the common ancestors] were QUAKERS?” (As if that were the most exotic thing imaginable). Uh, yeah, I did just happen to know that, ’cause in my case the line still is!
fishmorgjp
February 11th, 2008 at 9:17 am [Reply]

66 mingosthename: A Spider-Helmet for Spider-Man? There were a couple of TV movies in 1979 where Captain America (Reb Brown) was equipped with a helmet. Spider-Man could have a jazzy bug-eyed helmet with web pattern, a black one for the black costume, etc….
&E
February 11th, 2008 at 9:29 am [Reply]

Maybe Spidey’s masks was a little too tight over his ears, and was fighting to make the point he that was not irrelevant.
lesles the amazing spider-pipe
February 11th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

AT LAST, MY TIME HAS COME!

no, only joking.
Calico
February 11th, 2008 at 9:48 am [Reply]

If you are interested in the Quaker/Abolitionist movement, this home-turned museum is a wonderful resource:
http://www.rokeby.org
The home of Rowland Robinson and family!
I volunteered at the Rokeby in 1996 and had a really enlightening and enjoyable time there.
: )
lesles
February 11th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

spider-man lies! oh, how can i ever trust the comics again?

found it on this interesting little blog bit. and i wasn’t even looking for that. i mean, who would? i was just trying to find a good pic of spidey to see if i could photoshop him into an elephant. didn’t expect to find the real thing.
Muffaroo
February 11th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Curtis – Who says he goes to school on Sunday? Comic time is very flexible, otherwise we must assume Curtis is spending three or four days in the barber shop each time he goes, and face it — his hair doesn’t show the kind of super grooming we’d expect if that were the case.
Muffaroo
February 11th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

DT [Monday] – Disappearances or not, I think the real story here is the look of horror Tracy has on his face whenever he looks at his wrist computer. Where is my wrist TV? he seems to say, and what is this thing on my wrist that tells me about weather and stock markets? Possibly, it’s set to open up on Google, and maybe Tracy keeps thinking he’s in the wrong strip (which is a sort of recurring fear for a lot of comic veterans).
Toronto
February 11th, 2008 at 10:17 am [Reply]

You’re a very confused Plugger if your washing machine has a dryer vent connected to it.

And isn’t that actually two washing machines, a front loader and a top loader?
Muffaroo
February 11th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

GT – The first panel caption refers to action in the game, while the panel seems to show a lone player amusing himself shooting hoops long before or long after the game. The third panel art is a turgid mess that adds nothing, and I think changing the text in the caption to an educational snippet (”The world’s largest lead mine, in Australia, was closed in 1963.”) would add some value for busy readers. The second panel conveys meaningful information, so I’m skipping over it.
Inspector Dim
February 11th, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

Spider-Man: Sleeping gas doesn’t work. He punches through steel doors. Elephant tranquilizers don’t faze him.

A pipe to the head, though, and he’s out cold! SPLAAANG! Our hero.
Old Goat
February 11th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

No, Spider-Man is not a pachyderm, nor is he an arachnid, a monotreme, a marsupial, or even a placental. I hate to break it to everyone, but he is a comic book character.
Doug Puthoff
February 11th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

You’re response to the Spidey panel is so undramatic, Josh. It–needed—a few–more–dashes.
commodorejohn
February 11th, 2008 at 10:43 am [Reply]

#69 Ed Power – Glad to hear it.

#78 Mr. O’Malley – Vista is crap, yeah, but I’m not too sure about the bankruptcy prediction; from what I hear, there’s some new blood in at Micro$oft that’s actually interested in making the next version of Windows smaller and more efficient. If they can do that (and dump the DRM crap while they’re at it,) I think they might pick back up. At any rate, there’s always Linux.

Archie – OH GOD SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE HER SON WITH LONGER HAIR AHHH

Blondie – Can anyone with a print copy tell me what that book is titled? I can’t read it at this resolution.

Crankshaft – LOOK GUYS THIS MALAPROPISM THING IS ONLY SLIGHTLY FUNNIER IN CRANKSHAFT THAN WHEN IT’S IN THE FAMILY CIRCUS. SO STOP IT ALREADY.

Crock – must not picture must not picture must not AAARRRGH

Curtis – It’s not that I dislike Chutney, or that I think Michelle is all that great (though I can’t see why all the characters besides Curtis hate her so much, unless she does off-panel loan-sharking or something,) it’s just that the whole Curtis universe seems so dead-set on making Curtis realize that Chutney is The One. It’s like FOOB, only the parties that make up the Destined Couple aren’t utterly loathsome.

GA – Wow, Gasoline Alley has reached about 0.33 Thorpes. For you non-math types out there, this means that one Gasoline Alley strip (at this level) is as insane as one average panel of Gil Thorp. (This is one average panel; individual panels such as Kaz’s Escher Fist or Bil Ritter’s Triple Clone attack have been known reach up to .75 Thorpes.)

GT – Speak of the devil, panel three here is probably about .5 Thorpes (I left my measuring equipment in my locker on Thursday, so that’s a ballpark estimate.) Tyler Jay is blocking an oversized Jamaican while the basketball sprouts a hand and employs some advanced dimension-warping techniques to finger Tyler’s forehead from a few feet away. Fascinating.

JP – Sam, of course, can’t understand why two people of opposite sexes would be so interested in each other as to talk for a whole hour. I mean, they don’t even have the same body parts, for crying out loud; what could they possibly have in common?

MW – OH GOD HE’S GOING TO PULL AN ALDO

NS – So…Wiley is pointing out his own ludicrously slow story pacing? I mean, I stopped giving a damn about this arc about three months after I started reading the strip; does anyone still care about this?

SM – Yep, yep, defeated easily yet again. That’s our Spider-Man.

Ziggy – What the hell is Tina of Tina’s Groove doing in Ziggy?
Mibbitmaker
February 11th, 2008 at 10:43 am [Reply]

GT (last panel): “…While O.J. Simpson rubs Tyler Jay’s head for luck — or because he thinks it feels ‘really cool’ or something, I dunno. Hey, that’s better than being out murdering folks, am I right, people?”

A3G: Uh-oh, Alan’s encroaching on Margo’s territory! He’s really screwed now. Wait, did I say “Margo”? I meant LuAnn. Uh-oh, Alan’s encroaching on LuAnn’s territ— No, it’s Margo. So long, Alan Deathwish.

S-M: Lead pipe cinch. Because, naturally, an elephant gun wouldn’t work.

FW: Ooh, please let Summer’s team play Milford reeeeeal soon! [this strip precisely:] I can’t wait to see her make a basket using a box, a bicycle, and a tree limb. That’ll be awesome!

FOOB: Not a sufficient one, apparently.

Lockhorns: Just this once, Loretta, you should be proud that you’re married to that guy!

Cathy: Irving, you’re with Cathy now. You should leave town, then never come back!
AtomicDog of the Ice Patrol
February 11th, 2008 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Sfx – Count Weirdly is a mad scientist who never studied the Laws of Thermodynamics.
Virginia
February 11th, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

Dear Crankshaft,

No one calls it an “agenda gap.”

Please get your hearing aid looked at.

Curmudgingly,

Virginia.
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 11th, 2008 at 10:56 am [Reply]

2/11

MT: “Looks… so safe… so warm… like… mother’s womb!”

MW: Up ahead? The No-Name Liquor Store. Aldo swears by ‘em!

DtM: Less talkin’ more tossin’, so called “menace.”

TDIET: These got really abstract toward the end.

FC: “Oh don’t worry mommy. I gagged Jeffy up REAL tight!”

MC: Aiight! The creepy rat janitor is back in the picture!

GT: “Yes folks, he is hitting himself in the back of the head and scoring penalty throws off himself. That is the essence of Tyler Jay, and Valley Tech just doesn’t know how to handle him.”

Lockhorns: Don’t you have to pay to call into these reality shows? That phone bill is gonna eat them alive.

Phantom: Undercover detective work? Um, not so much. Not when she gabs about international criminals right in front of his hotel.

H&J: Bored with the romantic subplot, but I gotta say I love that cute little fire engine. It’s like a clown car with hoses attached.

SSmith: It would make me kind of nervous if I were visiting my hillbilly cousins and one of them told the other to “get a bead” on me. Maybe that’s just me.

SFx: Count Weirdly never saw those educational Lester Lightbulb cartoons from the seventies.

OBH: “Yeah, my wife gave up on me years ago. It’s a good deal.”

Blondie: It’s like… You walk into a bookstore/cafe, and you don’t know where the bookstore ends and the cafe starts! Am I right? It is crazy! Back in Rossia, the bookstore only have bug from KGB!
Niall
February 11th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

…I just now understand, with that SM panel, the whole elephant jokes when I skimmed briefly through the threads yesterday.

It’s making me THIS close to want to actually see the strip in context. But then I think I’d lose IQ points again.

Monday, Monday…

A3G: While not advancing the story one whit from Sunday, it also lacks Sunday’s manic energy; Alan’s insistent and larger-fonted “MY CARD” and Margo’s “die die die” look. Today’s is only “hurt confused WTF”.

Archie: Am I the only one getting disturbing images following panel 3?

BB: I would be remiss in not mentioning Sunday’s total pussy-whipping of the privates. (I feel dirty just typing that.) Today brings back the meta strips, though definite points for not having apostrophes in plurals!

Blondie: I had to check the print version to decode the display book’s title: “The Bumstead Family History”. Does this mean that Dagwood is now also a published author? Nonetheless, it must still make for far more gripping and readable text than Michael Patterson’s book… (Ooo, watch me hit a target as big as a barn from one foot away! :))

DtM: About as unmenacing as it gets. Was panel 2’s caption rewritten?

DT: Wait, is that was “smacked” actually means?? I always thought it meant hit upon, such as with a blunt object! Dick Tracy was actually informative today. Wow. I’m speechless.

FC: No, no, no. The correct Doctor Who reference is “My scarf has room for a companion“!

Garfield: *shudder at mental images*

GF: It’s not a strike strip (and with amazing luck, just as they stop, the strike gets resolved – a timing Conley could not foresee), therefore it’s better. It’s a little confusing though.

GT: Tyler Jay is a lone sane person in the GT universe who actually checked what his hand looked like and sparked a rally against the artists for better anatomy.

MT: First Mark goes into a beaver house. Then Sunday’s strip is actually about eating beaver. Now Mark is thinking if entering a “cave” at the bottom of two long upwards-thrusting boulders which look like legs. Methinks Elrod needs to get laid or something. Because we know Mark never will be.

MW: The cliff! The Cliff!

MC: Bwahaha! Made of pure WIN and everything, funny as hell for the previous seemingly-random gags thrown in about the janitor, and continuing continuity for as long as necessary. Excellently-done!

Phantom: Since when are meter maids ever promoted to undercover detective status?? That redcoat is so idiotic, he cannot be of any help.

Pluggers: missed a chance to milk the stupid joke to its full potential and say “millenia” instead of centuries.

SFx: I’m getting a little concerned about Weirdly’s sanity. Well, more than usual. Is it the congenital blueblood (greenblood?) inbreeding result? Is it an abuse of substances in his youth? Is it idle hands of the idle rich?
AhClem
February 11th, 2008 at 11:02 am [Reply]

#109 commodorejohn -
How many millithorpes (megathorpes?) are there in a BIU (batshit-insane unit)?
Toronto
February 11th, 2008 at 11:02 am [Reply]

$109 commodorejohn : It’s “The Bumstead Family History”, oddly enough.
Mr. Coffee Nerves
February 11th, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

MW: If Drew sees the ghost of Aldo this will officially be my favorite piece of entertainment ever.

I’ll circulate a petition to get my development renamed “Charterstone.” I’ll get a tattoo of a glacially-paced pool party. I’ll grow a chinbeard. I’ll demand that my local Red Lobster put up a “welcome to the Bum Boat” sign. I’ll meddle.
gkl
February 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

MW: An Aldo-unrelated query: It’s nighttime. Drew’s in the middle of the wilderness with no lights except for his car’s headlights and the moon. How exactly is the tree that bright of a green? Is it one of those fiberoptic trees that’s lit from inside? Was it painted with glow-in-the-dark ink? Or, worst of all, is it a communist spy tree? Why waste your effort hoping for a fiery crash that’s not going to happen when there are serious questions afoot here, people.

GA: Unpublished Panel 3: Agent 1: “Oh great, the old babbling grandpa is telling stories of his childhood.” Agents 2 and 3, plus entire readership: “Shoot him!”

GT: “Andrew Gregory gets benched”? Must everything be about sex?
(By the way, Milford, you might score more if the ball were smaller than the hoop, and I guess that proves that yes, everything must be about sex.)

MT: Yeah, that’s a brilliant idea, Mark. Head into a cave, where there’s absolutely no chance that the bad guys will position themselves at the entrance, thus preventing you from escaping. Actually, this being Mark Trail, there really is no chance of that happening, but dammit, is a little real world common sense too much to ask? [Yes.]
Mibbitmaker
February 11th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

#109 (Commodorejohn):

Curtis: Michelle is disliked for having an ego bigger than Donald Trump’s. As for the love triangle, this is the rule the strip lives by: When a guy has a stalkerous obsession with an unattainable gal, it’s futile and no good at all; but, when a gal has a stalkerous obsession with an unattainable guy, she’s really worthy and he’s an ass for not going with her. (Of course, all that is no excuse for Curtis’s loutish behavior lately.)

NS: Wiley.

Blondie: The color on the book makes it almost impossible to read in my paper. I can make out “The [something something] History”, using my reading glasses and a pocket magnifying glass.
Virginia
February 11th, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

#7 Zazu: Hee hee. See, Lynn Johnson, that’s how one does a play on words! Love it!

Luann : Oh God, Bernice developed TJ eyes. NO. Just…no. She’s annoying enough without fully forming into a female version of Captain Douchebag.

SfX: “I’ll give you the shivers?” Count Weirdly must be the least threatening villain ever, and I read Spider-Man, so I know non-threatening evil.
Scrog
February 11th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

In Gasoline Alley, we find out what happened to the career of Chunk from the Goonies. Working as a postman in an anachronistic comic strip is not without its dignity, but using the same jokes? C’mon.
Joe
February 11th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

FOOB: I made the error of looking at the FOOB’s title-page today………talk about projectile vomiting…….
commodorejohn
February 11th, 2008 at 11:29 am [Reply]

#115 AhClem – Actually, one BIU is about ten Thorpes (the length of the Gail Martin storyline, for a convenient reference.)

#119 Mibbitmaker – Yeah, but that whole “Michelle’s ego” thing seems so damn forced – like I said, it’s like the whole Curtis universe is trying to get Chutney and Curtis together. Why can’t comic characters have a couple of equally likeable love interests? You know, like in real life? That way there’s some actual dramatic tension and a lot more potential for reader investment in the story as the audience tries to work out which one it likes more, and when characters offer their opinions it’ll seem more like they’re actually offering their opinions rather than acting as agents of the author’s divine will for his characters. Like I said, it’s just that the whole thing seems so by-rote.
odinthor
February 11th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

TDIET — But . . . but . . . what happened to the final Sunday TDIET, which was supposed to appear on 2/10? Has anyone seen it? Where? Just when you get all sentimental and ready to bid your loved ones a fond farewell . . . Wha-a-a-a-a?!? . . . You find the train left the station earlier than scheduled! THE URGE!—>to choo-choo that locomotive to the moon!
commodorejohn
February 11th, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

#118 gkl – It’s like The Colour Out Of Space. The trees and the grass are bioluminescent because Mary’s unholy, extra-universal presence causes everything in and around Charterstone to grow into a twisted parody of what it ought to be. Need I remind you of this?
Gagott68
February 11th, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

Zits: Finally, Jeremy starts getting put in his place. Way to go, Connie!

S-M: So, so, sad.

GT: Marty Moon will soon be reporting that all the Milford players combed their bangs into a spit-curl in solidarity with A-Train.

MT: Pick up one of those rocks, get behind the boulder. In a few minutes the man with a beard will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!!
Inspector Dim
February 11th, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

MT: Please, God, let there be a bear in that cave. And I don’t mean some wussy tame bear who doesn’t understand your hostility towards her, either.
Mibbitmaker
February 11th, 2008 at 11:38 am [Reply]

“The Bumstead Family History”, eh? Nah, I liked Lucy on the cover of TV Guide on the Peanuts Halloween special better.

MW: Karen Moy: “So, you Curmudgeons keep thinking that everything is going to mimmick Aldo’s demise, huh?? Well, okay, then! Here’s your Aldo repeat! Hope you’re happy now!!” (Just had to get that out there before it doesn’t happen that way starting tomorrow)

Also… When did Dr. Drew become a Baldwin brother?

9CL: I’m about to die from toxic levels of Thorax.
GotFuzzy
February 11th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Hey look–the comics are back! Thanks, Chennux!

Big Nate/PBS: A double-helping of bittersweet to make up for the glurge-fest ahead on Valentine’s Day. It’s a nice palate-cleanser.

MT: Who is Mark talking to? Andy is jackrabbiting towards the community, so it can’t be him.

MW: Al-do! Al-do! Al-do!

Mutts: Awwwwww…this makes up for last week. I know I decried glurge above, but nobody does sentimentally cute like these guys.

Pluggers: This one is total boxcar. There is no way a plugger splashes out for a state-of-the-art appliance less it fell off’n a truck. They just go to Wal-Mart and get a new one that looks exactly like the old one, only with no duct tape.
dm4b05
February 11th, 2008 at 11:59 am [Reply]

GT: It would also help if the basket was not mounted at a 45-degree angle.
Inspector Dim
February 11th, 2008 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

[MARK TRAIL stumbles into the cave]

MARK: Must… enter cave! Ah, there we go! There’s no way those people will find me in here! Gosh, I sure hope Andy is all right. Perhaps he’s made it back to the community by now! It would sure make things easier if the people in the community got around to giving it a name someday. I wonder if those people who were trying to shoot me were connected with Bull’s murder! Hmm. Come on, Trail, talk this one out!

Hold on. What’s that noise!? Someone’s coming! I’d better get behind a rock and hope they don’t hear me talking to myself!

[enter REX MORGAN]

REX: Ahh, out of the rain. Hmm. Niki should be at the highway by now. Hope he finds me. I’ll have to give him a big surprise for being such a good boy. Maybe a trip to Thailand… Leg feeling better after that slip down the hill! I should find a place to dry off. Hang on–!

[REX listens. Nearby, he can hear MARK chattering on to himself while hiding behind a rock]

MARK: Gosh, this cave might have bats in it! Did you know that bats are the only flying mammals in the world? There are over 1,100 species of bat in the world, including the vampire bat! Bats communicate through the use of sonar. I once took a trip to bat country, although I don’t remember most of it. More information about bats can be found on the internet.

[REX leaps forward]

REX: Who’s there?

MARK: Egad!

[MARK jumps up in surprise. They face one another]

REX: Who are you? Why are you in this cave?

MARK: I could ask you the same! Are you a friend to those people who are trying to kill me?

REX: Uh, no. Are you with the people who are trying to kill me?

MARK: No.

[They stare at each other for a while]

REX: Were you talking to yourself about bats just now?

MARK: …No.

REX: Huh.

[More silence]

MARK: You know something? You look…

REX: …Exactly like me. I know. It’s uncanny.

MARK: …So. Do you like animals?
lesles
February 11th, 2008 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

#128 – Mibbitmaker Also… When did Dr. Drew become a Baldwin brother?

the baldwins, they are legion.

drew’s experience there isn’t as uncommon as you might think. apparrently, many people don’t even know they’re a baldwin until some precipitating event triggers the metamorphasis to the adult stage. scientists aren’t even sure what the total population is. add the lack of any known predator, and they’re a little bit worried about the posibility of future plagues.
Chupper
February 11th, 2008 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

Someone with better artistry skills than I should edit Spiderman into that old Mark Trail sunday strip about rampaging elephants
Lettuce
February 11th, 2008 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

Of course, <A href=”http://joshreads.com/?p=985″ as we learned from Mark Traial were Spiderman, in fact, an elephant, he’d at least get into a fight every now and then.
Lettuce
February 11th, 2008 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

let’s try again:

Of course, as we learned from Mark Trail, were Spiderman, in fact, an elephant, he’d at least get into a fight every now and then.
Calico
February 11th, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

#91 – I need to correct my poor spelling and say “Valentine’s Day.”

In any case, I hope we don’t have to go through a tast-of-bile-in-your-mouth V-Day pukefest featuring Dorkthony, Lizzie-poo, and Francie-in-a-cage (or either bellowing for a glass of water from the high bunk just as the Enamored, pasty-skinned Couple are about to Do It).
Calico
February 11th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

MW – Time to queue up Soft Cell’s brilliant hit from the eighties, “Tainted Love.”

It certainly would be an appropriate accompaniment to that awful jacket Drew is wearing to his death. So, so yesterday.
gh
February 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

An Open Letter to Bob Weber Jr.

Re: Sunday’s SlyFox

While I appreciated, as always, the appearance of Cassandra Cat, I was puzzled by the absence of fish skeletons, smiling or otherwise. I can only assume that one [or more?] was buried under a late dusting of snow, or simply is invisible against the white background. I look forward to their appearance this spring when the snow melts. Thank you.
Marlowe PI
February 11th, 2008 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Oddly enough, Spider-man is also neither a spider, nor much of a man.
man behind the curtain
February 11th, 2008 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

#57 Gabacho — This is Dr. Drewfuss we’re talking about. Maybe he’ll try to drive to Vietnam. Or even worse, he’ll drive over to see Dawn Weston. His idea of getting away is to move to Charterstone.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
February 11th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

Josh’s wife: Why was Curtis in school today? It’s the weekend.

Wow. That’s the sanest possible response to Josh’s question. Josh, buddy, Amber’s way ahead of the curve.
Gabacho
February 11th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

#140 man behind the curtain – good point. You’re not only very good at connecting the dots but also at finding the patterns, particularly in Dr. Drewfuss’ sporty jacket.

Charterstone would be a good place to get away from it all. Except for Aldo’s death, nothing ever really happens there. It’s like limbo, not that bad, not that great. People come, people go. Mary is the same.
mere cog in the machine
February 11th, 2008 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

Zits: I wish someone would beat the shit out of Jeremy and stuff him in a locker. And that goes for his latent homosexual pal, Whatisname. Teenagers just don’t know how to police each other the way we did. Sigh….Good times.
Calico
February 11th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

#142 – It is definitely not Heaven, though.
(Apologies to David Byrne)
Orange Doorhinge
February 11th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

Cathy is going to spend several months wondering if she’s pregnant, then a month trying to buy a am I? kit without anyone else knowing. Then she’ll drop it in the toilet and be too grossed out to remove it and Irving will find it and bring it to her saying “and you complain ’cause I leave the seat up!” The stick wont have a plus or minus so Cathy will send *Irving* out for 3 months to get another (lots of jokes of him getting sly comments from sales clerks). Then he’ll bring it back but it’ll be (ha ha) an ovulation kit not pregnancy, so he’ll spend another week or two getting another…stay tuned.
Shermy Glamrocker
February 11th, 2008 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

In an alternate universe, John Kerry is president and Aldo “Load Stalker” Kelrast is alive.

In that same universe, Spider-Man is, in fact, an elephant.
mere cog in the machine
February 11th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

In a Quaker college are students encouraged to dress simply at Frat Parties and address one another as “thee” and “thou” around the keg? And do they offer Furniture Making as a major?
Madeline
February 11th, 2008 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

Quakers represent. I was a little irked by the use of the past tense too. But at least Billinglsey didn’t extend his continuing hideous misuse of quotation marks to the word “Quakers” as well. Because that would have “driven” me “quite insane.”

I mean, there’s even a blog about it.

http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/
Madeline
February 11th, 2008 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

*Billingsley.
Sans Sense
February 11th, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

Rex (sotto voce): Farewell sweet Niki. I’ll be far down the highway before they find your bullet-riddled corpse. I will be sure to mention to your Mother that I was NOT disappointed…
Revenge of Chesnut
February 11th, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

Okay, this has been bothering me for a long time. I know that A3-G is the most anachronistic representation of single career girls in New York city pretty much ever. Obviously. But it has never been explained to my satisfaction, or really at all, WHY MARGO HAS THE HAIRDO OF A 19TH CENTURY SCHOOLTEACHER. Just throwing that out there.
dimestore lipstick
February 11th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

Sorry, Calico, didn’t mean to steal your schtick.
I even did a “find” on this page to see if anyone had come up with it first, but got no hits. Internet Explorer lies!
Nik
February 11th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

I love that you talk about the comments with your wife. She sounds cool.
Jobiska
February 11th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

#147 mere cog In a Quaker college are students encouraged to dress simply at Frat Parties and address one another as “thee” and “thou” around the keg? And do they offer Furniture Making as a major?

Most Quaker colleges do not have fraternities or sororities–not egalitarian enough. Some historically Quaker colleges such as Swarthmore have, or have had, fraternities (I think Swarthmore did away with theirs though), but the “real” Quaker colleges (my prejudice and family rivalry are showing) such as Earlham and (as far as I know) Guilford do not.

Re furniture–you’re thinking of Shakers. Which at least rhymes with Quakers, unlike Amish or Mormon or any of the other things we get mixed up with.

Sorry to be pedantic rather than snarky but as this has now become a yesterthread, perhaps nobody is reading this anyway!
Malanai
February 11th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

And the Kool-Aid man is not, in fact, a Pokemon!
Jemmy
February 11th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

I’d appreciate it if somebody would scan the final TDIET and put it up so we can see it.

(Unless that’s all sorts of illegal… harrumph)
CWM
February 11th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

If Spiderman has to work out what he is by process of elimination, how long will it take him to get to “creepy dude in brightly colored spandex who sticks to walls and shoots sticky goo from his wrists”? I mean, he’s got to get through “elephant,” “baseball bat,” “the US House of Representatives,” and “yo mama” first.
J. Neas
February 12th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

#154 Jobiska – You’re right. Guilford does not have greek organizations either. Thank goodness. It (in addition to just flat out loving it there for many, many reasons) was one of the big things I loved about my time there.

My students often look at me quizzically if my being a Quaker comes up. We live in Greensboro, North Carolina, one of the biggest concentrations of Quakers in the United States, but locals still don’t necessarily have a clue who we are.

I’ll sign off with my favorite (unofficial) Guilford sports chant:

Fight! Fight! Inner Light! Kill, Quakers, Kill!
schlimmerkerl
February 12th, 2008 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

I’m helping with an event that includes a live auction. The consensus seemed to be: “Screw the food. Just so there’s plenty of BOOZE”!
Jack Hare
February 23rd, 2008 at 3:08 am [Reply]

What’s the difference between an ass and an elephant?

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