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How love dies

Funky Winkerbean, 8/18/12

Hey, Comic John — that was you whining to Funky about your sex life Monday, right? So maybe you could find some way to comfort your wife and assure her that in your eyes she’s no three-year-old, but a desirable, capable, undeniably adult woman? Perhaps some kind of cooperative adult activity, suitable for the place and time, that would help restore her confidence and could actually work out pretty well for you, too?

No? You’re going with the cheap putdown instead? OK, then — on with the glasses and down the hall: that copy of Power Girl #18 ain’t gonna stain itself, you know!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/18/12

This would be just another episode of “Rex exploits rich old ladies for stuff”, but for two things. First, this old lady is Melissa Claridge, for fifty years a straitlaced hypochondriac who berated Rex for his indifferent courtship of June. Here’s “old” Melissa schooling her lying niece Heidi, thanks to the careful scholarship of Lena Delle at In Search of Rex Morgan, M.D.:

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/16/1971

Yes, that’s old June, née Gale, in the first panel.

The second thing about today’s strip is that look on June’s face in the third panel — of what, exactly? Avarice, which passes for lust in her loveless, superficial life? Maybe, but I like to think it’s hope — of escape, of a normal vacation free from menacing floodwaters, shipboard plague, or psycho boyfriends just this once — or maybe for a return to those sweet old days when despite all Melissa’s prodding Rex stayed far, far away from her.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/18/12

And Grampy has had a long long life, wasted trying to dull the misery of his empty marriage with porn and likker. Everyone finds this hilarious.

Love Is, 8/18/12

Heh, heh — it’s funny because DEATH.

Hey, Josh is off-grid for the week at his Secret Writer’s Retreat in the Northern Part of the State. Reach me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net with site issues, spam alerts, etc.

– Uncle Lumpy

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 18, 2012 at 01:46 am and is filed under Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, Funky Winkerbean, Love Is, Rex Morgan, M.D.. |

197 responses to “How love dies”

  1. Ian Beste
    August 18th, 2012 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Well, how do we know Power Girl #18 won’t stain herself? Maybe that’s one of Power Girl’s powers, self-staining. I mean, powers can’t be all super-speed and flight and stretchiness and spider-web shooting and invisibility and green rings and utility belts and cool stuff like that. Maybe some are, you know, just embarrassing.

  2. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    FW — Since when are band directors allowed to let their mothers take over? Isn’t Becky supposed to be a professional? Shouldn’t she grow a spine and run her program like a professional? Never mind, this story is just one more reason I am grateful I will never again have to watch a high school band, let alone be in one, forever and ever and ever.

  3. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    RMMD — Good lord. Okay, maybe the old Melissa wasn’t as nice as I remembered. But I’d still take old Melissa, bun and sporadic violence and all, over the icky new one.

  4. Ian Beste
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Love Is“sometimes being left with just the memories” of visible genitalia.

  5. Cal
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    Luann: Now, TJ’s true motive is revealed. “Fine. As long as you never forget that you are UNDER me.” “Ann! You think I’d ever want to be anywhere else?” TJ doesn’t want to embarrass or show up Ms. Eiffel (whose name, “Anne” vs. “Ann” seems to change in spelling from day to day) — he just wants to sexually harass her, in increasingly degrading ways. Or maybe just get with her. Apparently either one, or both, would do.

  6. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    Re the Power Girl #18 cover, is that snow falling? Aren’t the Power Girls kind of cold? Are those costumes machine-washable or is dry-cleaning necessary?

  7. Ed Dravecky
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    I would pay cash for Luann and 9 Chickweed Lane to switch writers for one month, with complete editorial freedom and the proviso that any changes they make stick for at least five years.

  8. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    RMMD— June is excited because she thinks that she and Rex are finally catching up with Sam and Abbey Driver in the their ongoing Let’s-See-How-Much-Luxury-Stuff-We-Can-Get-For-Free competition. Unfortunately, June’s happiness will soon be crushed when she learns that Sam has helped bust a large marijuana growing operation in the mountains, and as a reward has been given a National Forest.

    Hey, Unca Lumpy, thanks for filling in for Josh. Now we Night Mudges can post first. Yea!

  9. Droopy Says
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    Is that Peter Parker’s aunt in Rex Morgan? Please let it be her, warming up for her next dinner date with her nephew. “I really hate the way that horrible, awful Spiderman endangered all those innocent people. You don’t agree, Peter?” WHAP!

  10. Dale
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    There are myriad PSA’s telling children what to do if they witness a crime or are a victim.
    Mark Trail cancels them all.
    Who are you going to believe – some guy who thinks his police department rank is part of his name OR a widely known and highly respected comic strip character?

  11. Baka Gaijin
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:02 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#3): “Bun and sporadic violence.” Who else does that remind me of? Hmm. Apartment 3-G? Check. Lu Ann Powers? Check plus. She’s in a bordello in The Village threatening a 50 year old businessman in diapers…What? She’s got a life when she’s not on panel in the strip.

    @Cal (#5): This story arc is about to make me stain the Power Girl #18 cover. With vomit.

  12. Baka Gaijin
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:24 am [Reply]

    When did Mary Worth turn into Rashomon?

  13. Baka Gaijin
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:39 am [Reply]

    Tens of thousands of volts. That’s how Sam and Dick are escaping.

    OK, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before: I want to shove some graham crackers, marshmallows, and Hershey bar parts on Clown-9′s head protrusions. I could make s’mores for half the CC before he died.

    Oh, Henry! Womenfolk can’t resist shopping, amirite?

  14. bbofun
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:50 am [Reply]

    MW- Yes, once again, the news media gets it wrong- other than the Weasley twins, no one on board tried to help a single other person!

    I think Toby’s exclamation is one of amazement- “They all helped each other? And Wilbur and Dawn were there? That doesn’t sound like them at all!”

    RMMD- So, once again Rex will take off from his practice for god-knows-how-long to do something that has NOTHING to do with being a doctor- and will get rewarded far in excess of the worth of what he actually does.

    In other words, it must be Tuesday.(In the strip, I mean. I know it’s-Saturday? Yeah, Saturday.)

    A3G- Can. Not. Wait. To see how Frank Bolle interprets “breathtaking”. Blonde or brunette? Any facial hair? Kerchief, necktie, or bolo? Or a daring open-neck, perhaps? Ooooh, I’m tingly!

    9CL- Some of you must have seen “Rifftrax Live: ‘Manos’- The Hands of Fate” Thursday, right? You remember Norman’s catchphrase? That’s the sound I make whenever I read this strip. (For those who missed it, it’s “Unnnnghhh.”)

    Oh, and, y’know, baa. Or whatever.

  15. Doctor Handsome
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    Why the fuck is Snuffy seeking longevity secrets? He’s like 70 or so, and Lukey’s gotta be at least 94, in a county where the infant mortality rate hovers steadily around 80%. Jesus, you people think Sam Driver is spoiled?!

  16. Ginger Irving, Romance Novelist
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:32 am [Reply]

    Wow. Lumpy’s a proselytizing pedophile.

  17. Doctor Handsome
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:59 am [Reply]

    “Would you like me to read you Goodnight Moon before you go to sleep? The only other book here is a Gideon Bible, and that translation is written at a 6th-grade reading level, so… Goodnight Moon, then?”

  18. Dartpaw86
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:08 am [Reply]

    Love is… really confused me. Is the writer/artist a pedophile or something? (Drawing naked children) so I checked it up on Wikipedia and apparently the characters are adults. It’s still disturbing… I mean why naked!?

  19. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    Comic-book John looks at Becky sleeping beside him, gets out of bed, puts on his glasses, sits down in a chair in the living room, and looks longingly at Power Girl #13. Comic-book John wonders what it would be like to be married not to Becky but instead to a Kryptonian like Power Girl. He thinks being married to Power Girl would be cool, since his wife would wear a costume with a Boob Window and would fight clones in the snow. He thinks being married to Power Girl would be cool, since she could introduce him to her cousin Superman. He thinks being married to Power Girl would be cool, since his mother-in-law would, you know, have been blown up when Krypton exploded.

    Most of all, though, he thinks being married to Power Girl would be cool, since he bets she would let him sleep on the arm side, instead of the stump side.

  20. Doctor Handsome
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:38 am [Reply]

    I guess it’s for some reason legal to publish love is… on the basis that they’re babies, and human beings don’t develop genitals until they’re 15, so it’s OK. But realistically, it would take the girl about 15 years to grow her hair that long, so what the hell are we all involuntarily a party to? She’s also wearing mascara and apparently a widow, so this is really all kinds of fucked up.

  21. Droopy Says
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    RM, MD: It all becomes so clear when you imagine Melissa–with her whiteless, soulless eyes–speaking in the voice of Mercedes McCambridge. “No charge!” she says. “And if it seems too good to be true, look at my servant Rex!”

  22. Liam
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Curtis-How about a cell phone for the heroes just in case they get “trapped” in an apartment again and need to call for help or are you holding out on the hope that Curtis will be trapped with a creepy sex offender who will kill him.

    MW-I love the blonde’s reaction in the second panel. “I don’t care about Wilbur and Dawn but I must act shocked lest I will be banished from Mary’s presence.”

    Love Is-Poor Mr. Love Is. He always has a nasty tendency to die.

  23. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#1): I’d have thought “self-popping-out” would have been the appropriate power. Or maybe those bras are made of titanium.

  24. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    Rusty, you stay here next to this statue of Doc. And stop moving so much. You’re getting awful blurry.

  25. Doctor Handsome
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    Old-school Aunt Melissa looks like the model for some discontinued denomination of Canadian coin. The 2012 version looks like a Sam Raimi horror-hag. I honestly can’t decide which one I love more.

  26. Dartpaw86
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#25):

    If Aunt Melissa was on my money… >:(

  27. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    FW – Sheldon Cooper thinks Comics John is a clueless nerd.

    JP- and now starring as Bea, Roseanne Barr! By the way, are Sam and Avery sharing a cabin? Ooooh, can’t wait to see exactly what furry critter might be moving around tonight.

    LuAnn – I always figured TJ was a bottom, just not, you know….for a woman.

    A3G- The excitement is palpable. Maybe somewhere in the ink kit is a little red we can use for some blushing. There it is. Shit, dried up for lack of use. Well, let’s see what creative thing I can do with pale blue and washed out green.

  28. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    Clown 9 must not only be beaten but also humiliated at the circus. Therefore, expect him to fail as a clown and not be uproariously funny. He’ll die of shame, because, dang, them circus clowns are real funny.

    Then the reality show….or rehab…a stint on Dr Drew?

  29. Liam
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Luann-”If you were a guy I would want to be on top of you.”

  30. CanuckDownSouth
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    It’s amazing that there are any rich folks in the comics, considering that the typical level of business savvy is ‘hire a receptionist who doesn’t even check the name of someone arriving to see the boss’ or ‘instead of waiting a couple of days to supervise a building inspection yourself, get someone with no architectural or contracting experience to do it – for the perfectly reasonable payment of a luxury apartment for life’

  31. CanuckDownSouth
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    DT – *headdesk*

    Doesn’t anybody read the supervillain manual? There’s *got* to be a whole chapter on handcuffing / tying up hostages – not letting them operate medical equipment. How dumb is this minion that he’s not operating the paddles himself?

  32. Mibbitmaker
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    FW: More like ‘Goodnight Smirk’!

    2012 RMMD: “What exactly does that mean?” Woody Wilson, that’s what it means.

    1971 RMMD: Melissa learned slapping from The Master, and is much better at it.

  33. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2012 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    The last panel of that 1971 RMMD needs to go on one of Josh’s banners: “What do you mean, you didn’t pre-order the book???”

  34. Mibbitmaker
    August 18th, 2012 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    JP: That’s not the only thing that moves around at night — Avery’s hair on the side of his head is trying to take over his forehead!

    Popeye: So grumpers are just basically Bluto/Brutus, then?

  35. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2012 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#33): I am, btw, not the same anonymous as #19. Wish I could take credit for a funny snark. “Stump side” – har!

  36. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2012 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#18): I remember ‘Love Is” in the 1960s. It was cute and mildly naughty, then. I can’t believe it’s still around. Please tell me the “Eggbert and Eggberta” panel is not also still in existence (the adventures of two fetuses, or are they fetii?)

  37. The Grandstander
    August 18th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Blondie – what POSSIBLE reason could there be for Dagwood to put off “cleaning the garage” when he’s married to someone who looks like Blondie?

    Rex – when the inevitable trip to San Diego is taken to check out this apartment building, will we get to see June in a bikini?

    Mark – wasn’t there another equally ridiculous story line a year or so ago that involved Rusty taking pictures of Lost Forest master criminals, who then clumsily tried to swipe the camera? Talk about recycling!

    Beetle Bailey – What away to start the weekend: General Halftrack fart jokes!

  38. Rusty
    August 18th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#1): Staining himself may well be newspaper Spiderman’s only superpower.

  39. Little Blue Bicycle
    August 18th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Love is…brutal.

  40. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    There are time, in my dotage, when I doze off on the couch in the middle of a show, then wake up and try to figure out what the hell I missed. I feel like I napped through a couple of days of Curtis, or did we just fast forward thru what happened with the lights bulbs, the police, and…oh yeah…the old lady not being dead? How’d we get to eating cake and making bad jokes about dem gangsta rappers from 1999?

    I sense a flashback or a “very special” Kwaanza episode.

  41. Agoraphobic Turtle
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Ah, the classic Winkerbean response to despair: condescension, complete with a smirk. His wife is smirking too because that’s the only emotion you can display in this strip other than soul-crushing despair, and by God, she just wanted to feel something else for a little bit, even if it means pretending to find her husband’s joke funny.

    Snuffy Smith: “Enny words of wisdom, Grampy?” “Shore boys – when yer buyin’ them lookin’ glass things, make shore y’buy th’ ones with handles!”

  42. John C Fremont
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#14): Dang it! I can’t believe I forgot about the live Manos event! Margo! Boxcar! I don’t ordinarily swear like this, but – Saturn! I need Old Melissa to slap me across the face. That’ll learn me!

  43. pugfuggly
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    FW “Reading Goodnight Moon” isn’t the dirtiest euphemism for sex I’ve heard, but it’s one of the weirder ones.

    “OoooOOooooOO…Goodnight MOON…yeaaaaah….and good night staaaaars…oh baby…..”

    sorry, just getting warmed up for the slash-fic contest.

    ASM Peter Parker: failed comedian or failed scientist? You decide.

    MT “The Wildlife People” are the kind and gentle folks in the woods that Rusty goes to visit every time Mark cancels another fishing trip. Cherry is a little concerned about how committed he is to this little fantasy, but it does seem to help him cope.

  44. pugfuggly
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    pt 2.

    A3G “Sal ‘The Manager’ Feola? Isn’t he doing a nickel up a Chino for running numbers with the Mulberry Street Gang?”

    MW Damn Liberal media! It was every man for himself and everything turned out fine, just like Ayn Rand predicted!

  45. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#36): Wow. Someone else that remembers Eggbert and Eggberta. I think I still a couple of those books around here somewhere.

  46. John C Fremont
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    “Love dies where my smirking wife lies,
    And nobody cries, liiiike meeeeee.”

    Fun fact; Edison Lighthouse was named after the Eddystone Lighthouse near Cornwall. Thank you, Wikipedia. You’re a dear, dear friend. And now back to our program, which is already in progress.

  47. pastordan
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: Man, Yochtli’s been friendzoned faster than you can say “time traveling Mayan bride abductor.” Or is he an Aztec? I can never keep my time-traveling bride abductors straight.

    Amazing Spider-Man: An out-of-control clown sits at home clutching his ill-gotten gains and grimacing menacingly at the television and the image of his happier forbearer on the wall? Yes, it’s another night of “Bringing Up Mitt” on A&E. (Hi-yooo!)

    Apt. 3-G: That had better not be Evan in polka-dotted tie coming through the door.

    Cul de Sac: Everything in this strip now reads like melancholy end-of-an-era play, like The Garden of the Finzi-Continis for the kiddie set.

    Edmund Finney’s Quest is crazy-funny this morning, by which I mean it’s both crazy and funny.

    Judge Parker: You don’t know how good I would be on Mark Trail jumping out of the darkness, crazed bear in tow. Anything to stop Avery’s crazed, clumsy attempts to seduce Bea.

    Luann: We are headed for hot TJ-on-Anne squick here. I can just feel it.

    Mary Worth: I love the Perfesser’s expression in panel two. It speaks of depths of sorrow and loss that we will never be able to fully ken. He really, really regrets that the disaster did not result in cannibalism.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: That’s not avarice in those green eyes, Uncle Lumpy. It’s jealousy. Melissa’s got a shiny toy that June wants, and she means to get it. She’ll cut a bitch.

  48. TheDiva
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    FW: I know a few things about having one’s mom/mother-in-law butting in on one’s life, so on a certain level I can empathize with Becky and John. Then I realize they’ve spent their entire afternoon and evening wringing their hands (figuratively in Becky’s case) and fretting about having to (gasp!) cope with Roberta, and the moment passes.

    Love is… being alone and miserable. Yeah, been there done that.

    RMMD: Dayam, Aunt Mae means business!

  49. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    re news of Mr. Thompson and the impending doom of CdS.

    Fuck.

    repeat.

    the thought of Hobbes and Polyfilla having tea together warms the cockles of my heart.

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    AD: *snurk*

    Lio: in a different strip, this would be another drug reference.

    Luann: TJ admits he’s a bottom.

    SBp: I’m crying at how true this is.

    Bizarro: back to back with SBp makes this even creepier.

    Blondie: Dag resists “cleaning the garage.” iykwim, aittyd.

    JP: I keep seeing her as an up-aged Faye from QC.

    MG*G: *snurk*

  51. TheDiva
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    9CL: Heh-heh, it’s just as not funny the fourth time.

    A3G: So, blonde, square jawed and kind of blandly attractive, then?

    C’shaft: It’s funny because Crankshaft will go to prison where the other convicts will hear he was inviting young boys to play at his house, get the wrong idea, and shiv him.

    Luann: Ha-ha, you all thought TJ foolish for working as a fast food jockey for months just to get even with Ann Eiffel, but who’s laughing now? Soon, soon he will be assistant manager of Weenie World, and then nothing will stop him from enacting Phase Two (of Ten) of his master plan!

    MW: Hey, hey, Chinbeard, where’s your hand pressed to your mouth in horror and concern, huh? Get with the program!

  52. pastordan
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, Big Ben Bolt should provide suitable grist for the Roosevelt-Taft slashfic mill…

    And there’s nothing wrong with panel one of today’s Heart of Juliet Jones, so stop asking.

  53. Baka Gaijin
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    TJ’s wilted grimace in the final panel seals it. Even he can’t say that line with a straight face, so to speak.

    I don’t have to guess what Tatulli was, ahem, inhaling when he wrote today’s Lio.

    Most Pluggers have only the choice of belly flop because their bellies are too big for them to scrunch up for a cannonball.

  54. mr12ozcan
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    mary worth-hey mary worth fans there was a article in newsday a long island paper about joe giella . it was mostly about his comicbook career but the one great fact was while old joe does the art its his 47 year old son frank that does the colors for mary worth so hes the one to blame for dawns purple ensemble and the orange suits all the men but wilber seem to wear.

  55. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    meanwhile, with the All-Blacks.

    took me a second to get the joke here.

    bullpuppy makes sexy eyes for bb,u.

    K-.9.

    3-D Futurama aliens.

    meanwhile, in the offices of the 1%.

    Pussycat cosplay, done pretty well.

    options for next weeks Daily Squee. go snow leopard!

    meanwhile, at the WSoP.

  56. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    she’s probably heard about this already, but here’s a newly discovered little something for Poteet.

  57. Baka Gaijin
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#23): I can support that superpower!

    @CanuckDownSouth (#31): If he were a smidge smarter, he’d be a low level flunky instead of a minion.

    @Rusty (#38): “Staining himself may well be newspaper Spiderman’s only superpower.” There’s always Super-Whining. He’s great at that.

    @Chaze (#40): The latter: fast forward in an Apartment 3-G-esque way to talk about the action, not showing the action, right down to not seeing anyone below the waist.

    @pugfuggly (#43): Peter Parker: Successful Falling Brick Cushion.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#49): Whaaa?

    @TheDiva (#51) on Crankshaft: And that’s a bad thing, why?

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#57): info on yesterthread.

    @Islamorada Girl (#y53):

  59. Liam
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    JP-That’s what he said.

    MT-What is up with Rusty’s eyes in the last panel? It looks like he is hypnotizing Cherry. “And when you come back all you shall wear is an apron.”

    MW-Well that was exciting who wants salmon squares.

  60. Cloudbuster
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    ASM: Are the laws different in the Marvel universe. I mean, would it be legal for me to call someone out for a public showdown, especially one that interrupts an expensive entertainment event, as long as they were suspected of some moderate amount of wrong-doing? “I’m calling you out, Jenson! You office supplies thief! Tonight, on the stage of the Met! With rapiers! Dress like Hamlet!”

    A3G: The ongoing feud between the writer and artist of A3G just got real! She challenged him to draw a man who is “breathtaking” — it will be hilarious to see him respond with another variation of his stock, bland, 50s male. Maybe with an ascot, because, you know, “breathtaking.” (On a related note, I was looking at Bolle’s website, and there are indications that as of at least 2009, he retained significant talent. Maybe this lends credence to the theory that he’s simply screwing with Shulock for the yucks.)

  61. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#59): hadaka Cherry?

    *mind asplodes*

  62. Holly Folly
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Oh god, that person in Funky Winkerbean is supposed to be a women? My first thought was that she was a he and that the strip had taken a sudden and unexpected turn.

  63. Liam
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    RMMD-Wow San Diego. That’s where Ron Burgundy lives.

  64. Vince M
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#29): Soooo, which one’s talking here?

  65. Vince M
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#36): I associate ‘Love Is’ with that whole early ’70s ‘Love Story’/macrame owl/’Brand New Key’ schoolgirl cutesiness vibe that always made me gag.

  66. agony
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    9CWL – wait a minute – Amos has taken this guy’s solo, while he’s at home watching Gilligan? I don’t know much about the ballet/musician world, but isn’t a solo for a one-time performance at least a mildly big deal? More of a professional obligation than just another night as just another cello? And wouldn’t it be something the player would want to, oh, practice for? Or at least have seen the music in advance?

    I’m also wondering – are all the dance poses we’re seeing just typical McE ballet porn, or are we supposed to be getting something from them? Are they advancing the plot, adding subtext, whatever? Should we be studying them for clues, or is this just another chance for McE to show off that, yes, he can draw?

  67. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    MT: Phew—for a minute there, I worried that Cherry would take the kid whom the criminals will be looking for with her to the game warden. But nope, she’s left him behind, right where they can find him, with only Doc lurking silently in the background as they carry him off.

    In other words, thank goodness that a lack of common sense once again prevails!

    A3G: “Breath-taking”? I guess that means “looks exactly like every other guy who walks through that door, except we’ll all react with little head bobbles o’ desire because he’s, you know, breath-taking.”

    S-M: It’s a good thing that Spidey only engages villains with the proportionate TV-watching proclivities of a Spider-Man.

  68. NoahSnark
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Over the years Rex Morgan has migrated from the standard soap opera fare to fantasies that let you pretend the gold life showered on you was actually money.

  69. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Shouldn’t Amos be waving his arms, whistling, and doing google-eyes at Edda while pointing to the box with the engagement ring? Wasn’t that the point of the whole switcheroo with Mr Gilligan’s Island? But nooooo….he gets caught up in the “art,” plays a solo and allows Edda and Seth to perform their “Sex on the Beach” dance without interruption.

  70. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 18th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#47): re: CdS: I know! I read it today and thought, “So funny. ((sniff)).”

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#55): Hee! Unfortunately, my pup usually is my alarm clock.

  71. Santa Royale With Cheese
    August 18th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    JP: No sweat, Avery has the ears of a fox and the eyes of a… oscilloscope pattern. Oh yeah, they’re gonna die.

    S-M: Christ, what an asshole!

    FW: I don’t deign to invest much energy in remembering who relates to whom in this strip, but I didn’t get the impression that these two were in any sort of relationship. Makes sense, as misery apparently does love company.

  72. TheDiva
    August 18th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#57): You’re assuming I was being ironic when I said “It’s funny because…”

    @Cloudbuster (#60): Ah, but that’s the brilliance of Spidey’s plan! Clown-9 arrives for the big showdown and gets arrested, and all the wall-crawler has to do is stay at home and watch the whole thing unfold on the television. The trick to being a good superhero is knowing how to take advantage of your strengths, in this case sitting back and letting someone else handle the job.

  73. Droopy Says
    August 18th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#38): What about Spider-Bland’s power to always have fully-charged batteries in his remote? No matter how much he uses it, the batteries never die. Obviously his real super-power is the ability to drain power from himself, immobilizing himself before the TV while his energy flows into the nearest batteries. (Got to admit, it comes in handy when he needs to take pictures of himself; his camera batteries never die, either. And after he takes pictures he needs to slack off at the Daily Bungle’s offices, then go home to whine to MJ. His battery-charging superpower may be his greatest enemy.)

  74. debussy fields
    August 18th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    MW– That big galoot between Mary and her friend hasn’t said a goddamned thing throughout this entire episode. The look on his face today reveals his true feelings: He wishes Wilbur and Dawn had gone down with the ship.

  75. Stroker Ace
    August 18th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    love is…being left with just the memories… and a big fat life insurance check.

  76. Calico
    August 18th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Foob, 8/18 – Lynn leaves her kid in the bathtub by himself, she emotionally scars him again, and then becomes defensive.

    Henry – Haha, women are shopaholics!

    JP – Bea’s dialogue sounds like something out of Mark Trail.

    MT – Rusty is an attention whore.

  77. Calico
    August 18th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#67):
    He’s breathtaking! Margo hasn’t sucked the life out of him quite yet. Just give it time …

  78. Inkwell
    August 18th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Oh my god… Cleavage window… in the snow… during a fight… what the hell…

    That’s what happens when you let your genitalia do the drawing for you, and your genitalia happens to be a sexist pig.

  79. Horace Broon
    August 18th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    DT: Quite apart from “Yeah, sure, let’s give one of the hostages the powerful electic paddles”, we are once again forced to wonder why Mrs Flattop’s plan to kill Tracy involves going to such effort to keep him alive.

    MW: Of course that’s what the survivors are going to say. They’re not going to go up to reporters and say “If not for the way we ruthlessly pushed our way though the others, we wouldn’t have survived! I used a small child as a weapon, then dropped her over the side!”

    Phantom: “One day, my friend, perhaps I will learn who you really are, with your tales of the Ghost Who Walks, and your friend who calls you ‘Ghost’, and your amazing fighting abilities, and your pseudonym of ‘Walker’, and your hints that you come from a long line of crimefighters. At the moment, I’m thinking the Easter Bunny.”

    Pluggers: I misread “dives” as “life”, and for a moment thought this was metaphorical: “Pluggers know their lives are simply a steep descent towards an inevitable crash, and the only control they have over events is how they hit bottom”.

    Zits: Just add it to his rent. He’s got a job; you are charging him rent, right?

  80. Mars
    August 18th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t know the male Naked Eight-Year-Old croaked. This is going to be a very different strip from this point forward. Unless she re-marries an identical-looking person tomorrow.

  81. Chip Whittle
    August 18th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Mandrake: “How am I going to fight crime? I’m no magician!” There. Right there. That’s when the entire Mandrake universe implodes in a credibility-wrenching “Continued!”.

    Slylock Fox: I’m not so interested in Count Weirdly’s snake-cuddling or Monster Ring Toss Leash, but those sneakers with the toes might just be on to something. Quick, get a licensing agent on the phone! Or Judge Parker, whoever!

  82. Liam
    August 18th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#64):

    TJ

  83. Peanut Gallery
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    DT – Oh, wait. There’s a Mr. Bribery too? It’s all coming into focus now. Mr. Crime is the kingpin. His henchmen include Mr. Bribery, Mr. Safecracking, Mr. Burglary… and of course the comic relief is Mr. Jaywalking. It’s adorably similar to the Mr. Men books!

  84. Snarkotix Addict
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#48): …they’ve spent their entire afternoon and evening wringing their hands (figuratively in Becky’s case)…

    What’s the sound of one hand wringing? A whine.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#67): In other words, thank goodness that a lack of common sense once again prevails!

    You mean take the actual eye-witness to the game warden, where he could answer questions and contribute to the investigation? Ha! We made that decision immediately after we chose to drive to, not call, the game warden.

    @debussy fields (#74): MW– That big galoot between Mary and her friend hasn’t said a goddamned thing throughout this entire episode.

    Ian’s just catatonic – a combination of the drugs and the crushing boredom of spending time with Mary and Toby at once.

    @Calico (#76): Rusty is an attention whore.

    Yes! He is one grubby little suck-up, isn’t he?

  85. kingklash
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#1): In the Wild Cards book series, where an “Ace” is someone with a Virus-granted standard Superpower, the poor saps who get a power that really doesn’t come in handy for heroics are known as “Deuces.” Self-staining would probably be one of the worst Deuce powers ever drawn.

  86. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Non-survivors, such as the little girl who was pushed aside and trampled in the crush for the lifeboats, as well as all the passengers who drowned when they jumped overboard because the crowd would not let them through, were unavailable for comment.”

    SM: “I accept Spider-man’s challenge to fight him in the circus! Because if that doesn’t help me extract my vengeance on the lousy directors who fired me and on all the other actors in his play, then nothing will!”

  87. Ukulele Ike
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#46): “Fun fact; Edison Lighthouse was named after the Eddystone Lighthouse near Cornwall.”

    “My father was the keeper of the Eddystone light
    And he slept with a mermaid one fine night
    Out of this union there came three
    Two little fishes and the other was me!
    Yo ho ho, the wind blows free,
    Oh for the life of the rolling sea!”

    That was the sole caption of a George Booth cartoon from The New Yorker. Which I think pictured a typical Booth man sitting in an armchair in a bare room under a bare light bulb, singing to himself, while a typical Booth pit bull sat in the corner scratching himself. Good song.

  88. Dale
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#67):

    The overall penalty for poaching may be more severe than for camera snatching, but the latter is a more proximate crime. The sheriff might take an interest and have jurisdiction. The nearest “wildlife people” might not have police powers on the Trails’ property (if it is actually theirs) and may not be armed.

    Will Doc get beat up while trying to save Rusty? He might not even notice as he’s also too stupid to make a phone call.

  89. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#11): Lu Ann. Bun. Bordello. Threatened violence. Boomer businessman in diapers. *head splodes*

  90. Snarkotix Addict
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    FW Yikes! Comic book guy has that creepy pedophile vibe. Just spare us the hand puppets.

    A3G If Sal is so “breathtaking” why hasn’t Carla turned blue yet? There’s no shortage of the color blue in today’s A3G.

    FC “Have you seen any flies come this way?”

    Kids these days! Always hungry, but what can you do?

  91. commodorejohn
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Sometimes I wonder if my own drawings aren’t perhaps a bit too self-indulgent of my baser instincts. Then I remember that I have never once drawn an ostensibly clothed woman with breasts the size of her head and a hole cut in her shirt to expose her cleavage, and I feel better about myself.

    Agnes – I’m pretty sure I’d sell my soul for Tony Cochran’s command of the English language. Case in point: “He turtled well.”

    A3G – “Salviola?” What, is that like some kind of processed salvia product?

    Bizarro – o_O

    Crankshaft – If you need a license to run an amusement park, how does that explain nearly every amusement park I’ve ever been to?

    DT – Mrs. Flattop should maybe have cut back on the phony hospital budget and allocated the extra funds to hire some henchmen with functioning brains.

    FW – How do people get married in the Funkiverse, anyway? Do they have a matchmaker to find them the worst possible spouse? “Oh, yes, she’s a war widow who lost her arm in a car accident and has a horrible domineering mother. I think I’ll put her with the emotionally-stunted, sex-obsessed comics nerd who can’t even begin to comprehend her emotional needs, let alone express real sympathy, and fills the awkward gaps in conversation with smug retorts because he thinks looking like an unlikable smartass is better than letting on that he is not only clueless, but literally impenetrable by clues! Perfect!”

    JP – I’m sorry, was that supposed to be ominous?

    MT – Wow. Even when he’s slightly less hideous, Rusty is still a complete dolt.

    MW – “For David Niven News, I’m David Tomlinson.”

    Monty – I’ll tell you what’s weird: a grown man sharing a bed with a midget robot.

    RMMD – Will Woody Wilson’s comics end when the protagonists have amassed all the money and property in the entire world? (Or will they go on…<Terl>to conquer galaxies!</Terl>?)

    SF – Behold: Ted’s genetic legacy in action.

  92. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    WEST OF BATHURST seldom gets mentioned here, but today’s strip made me laugh like a drain.

    http://westofbathurst.comicgenesis.com/

  93. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    JP: “Watch out for the wildlife, boys. It moves around at night.”

    I have this image of all the nocturnal animals banding together and moving as a group. “All right, everyone!” yells the badger, “Five yards to the left! Stop! Now three yards straight ahead! Stop!”

    This is a little-known aspect of wildlife behaviour I’d like to see featured in a Sunday Mark Trail strip.

  94. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#91): If you ever do use the basketball-breasts-cleavage-window theme, please put the women in a summer setting. The Power Girls make me feel cold just looking at them.

  95. Snarkotix Addict
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    MT “The Wildlife People”
    *Sigh*
    I wish I knew “The Wildlife People.” It sounds so appealing to say “I need to see the Wildlife People” or “I’m meeting the Wildlife People.” They must be very popular in the community, sort of like “The Village People” were in the seventies and eighties. I think I will start referring to my friends as “The Wildlife People.”
    *Sigh*
    I need to get out more.

  96. Snarkotix Addict
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#91): “Salviola?” What, is that like some kind of processed salvia product?

    A saliva-based oil substitute. Heart healthy. Lowers your cholesterol.

  97. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: The truly bizarre aspect of the Lockhorns is that whenever they’re at a party, Leroy always manages to catch the eye of the most glamorous woman there. Is this the secret of his deep-seated discord? He could have had any woman in the world: Anne Francis, Bridget Bardot, even Elizabeth Taylor. Instead, he ended up with Loretta. And all because of one drunken night in Las Vegas.

  98. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#93): Advice that’s a little more specific might be helpful. Around here, I’d say “Boys, the raccoons are big enough to mug people and they are currently teaching their children to explore whatever places they can reach and carry away whatever potential food items are portable, so unless you are fond of raccoon crap, shut the windows of that behemoth you’re driving, especially if you had any snacks on the way here.”

  99. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Luann: While TJ is pretty stupid, Anne’s not too bright herself if she believes she can get off the hook for a spectacularly bad idea by telling her corporate bosses that it was put in place by an underling over whom she apparently had no control.

    Or … or could it be that Evans himself actually thinks such a justification would work?

    Can’t be. It’s one thing to imagine a fictional cartoon character being that stupid, but a real person? Nah.

  100. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#98): I’d be more likely to warn them about the fox that runs around charging humans with crimes based upon flimsy to non-existent evidence. “Watch out for the wildlife, boys. They’ve got a crappy judicial system.”

  101. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 18th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: The highlight will be when the sheep killers come back to the cabin and find Doc sitting at the table.

    “Have you seen a creepy red-haired boy around?” they’ll ask.

    “He’s probably outside.”

  102. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Rose is Rose: What happened to the last panel? The one that says, “Hot road-crossing tootsies often require the soothing effects of water.” It’s just not a proper Rose is Rose without the mandatory over-explanation.

    Plus, I think the bird is being unnecessarily picky, considering it’s a bird bath, in which birds habitually stand so they can submerge their entire bodies to wash off the ticks and mites.

  103. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G “Sal Feola? The manager??”, Yes, as opposed to Sal Monella, the toxin. Thank goodness for that – we’ve always got quite enough in this strip already to make our stomachs churn.

  104. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Brevity: So…the ticket seller sits outside the theatre selling tickets to the customers who, apparently, are movie characters leaving the theatre to go see performances being held inside the theater?

    No, seriously — what the hell?

  105. Alison
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    I like to think that every character in “Rex Morgan” and “Judge Parker” is actually living in poverty, and what’s happening in both the strips are just their childish fantasies about what they think it would be like to have money. It’s the only way either of these strips could be plausible.

    “Yes, yes, now some old lady is going to let me use her vacation house for free, even though I already own five vacation houses of my own. Next, she’s going to give me a car. A red sports car that cost five hundred thousand dollars. She will give these things to me simply because we’re all rich, and that’s what rich people do, right? Oh, and then I’m going to find an enormous bag of money on my doorstep, and when I tell the police, they’re going to say, ‘Oh, you just go ahead and keep it.’ Yeah.”

  106. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#100): BWAHAHA!

  107. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#105): A plausible theory, especially if one adds daydreams about impressive gravity-defying racks.

  108. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#56): I hadn’t heard of that and I just sent the link to a spider-obsessed friend. Thank you!

  109. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#101): HAR! You’re on a roll today.

  110. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    MT — I don’t remember exactly which Mudge came up with the image of Mark pleasuring himself with a stack of pancakes a few threads ago, but whoever you are, I’m going to find you and send you the bill for my brain surgery.

  111. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    FW: I DO NOT APPROVE of this form of roleplaying!

    RMMD: Tune in tomorrow when June’s irises turn into dollar signs and her jaw pops out like the drawer of a cash register.

    SSmith: “I pray for the sweet release of death but it just won’t come, aw aw aw!”

    MW: Ah, I see Geraldo has been relocated to where there are no troop movements to reveal. Apparently no one told him about the vicious stampede that blocked Dawn and Wilbur from the lifeboats, though.

    9CL: Take it easy, dude. Those are just the credits. They’re the same for every episode.

    Agnes: This has been a nice run of comics. A little melancholy, but not overdone.

    BC: Grog’s expression screams, “Oh shit! They’re onto me.”

    BSt: Oh, the time Chet must spend cleaning out the CD-ROM drive.

    GA: Joel and Rufus want Slim to be quiet while they cross. Afterwards they’ll make him squeal like a pig.

    BB: The doc is sitting awfully close to Anus Amos, all things considered.

    DT: Oh yes, let Dick’s partner handle the defibrillator. If you’re hoping to (posthumously) win a Criminal Stupidity Award, that’s your best bet.

    GT: Well, most of us just have two to lose. Still, that’s rough on top of the arm.

    M-Dawg: Um, what?

    SFx: Like Moe Szyslak, Count Weirdly was born a snake handler and he’ll die a snake handler.

    Marvin: This year’s polls will show that 25% of Americans plan to stay home on election day and crap in their pants.

    A3G: Carla has three different faces, none of them remotely female-looking. Does Bolle need a fourth panel to get it right?

  112. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#2): Are you implying that this strip is any fairer a representation of high school bands than it is of oncologists?

  113. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#22):

    Love Is-Poor Mr. Love Is. He always has a nasty tendency to die.

    He must be related to Kenny from South Park somehow.

  114. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#68) said: “Over the years Rex Morgan has migrated from the standard soap opera fare to fantasies that let you pretend the gold life showered on you was actually money.”

    I’ve long suspected that Rex was into golden showers.

  115. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 18th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    MG&G: “Well, here we are on a city street, wearing feathered headdresses with our arms folded. Do you think everyone gets that we’re Indians?”
    “Just to be on the safe side, war whoop on the count of three.”

  116. Liam
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    MW-While the passengers who only looked out for themselves were horribly crushed to death or drowned.

  117. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Aside from yet another attempt to convince us that the ‘He went home to watch Gilligan’s Island!’ gag is funny, today’s strip advances the plot by telling us that Amos just played a cello solo. This is important, because the Fucking in Belgium arc established that the sound of Amos playing the cello sets off an uncontrollable sexual frenzy in Edda (along with the sound of paint drying, or the sound of the wind blowing). So by Monday she should be humping her way through the orchestra pit and maybe we can get this plot over with once she finally makes it to the string section…

  118. The Ridger
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#20): Except that according to the Wikipedia article, they have children of their own (essentially miniatures of themselves), so … I don’t know.

    The most stunning thing (other than that it’s from New Zealand) was that the cartoonist made five million pounds a year from it “at its height” in the 1970s. That’s … that’s … whoa.

  119. The Ridger
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#98): I stayed in a hotel in West Yellowstone that had quite detailed warnings to guests about … the ravens. Yeah, apparently they will rip up your backpacks and trash your bikes if they think there’s food present.

  120. Ian Beste
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @kingklash (#85): A David Letterman “Top Ten” list from his NBC era show featured the Top Ten lame super powers, including “magnetic colon,” “talk to squirrels” and “ability to score with other superheroes wives.”

  121. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#92): “Generalisation”? How’d that get in there?

  122. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    9CL: “Nice solo.”
    “Thanks.”
    “But what happened to Flynn?”
    “He took ill, and he figured he needed to call me to come take his place as soloist, because as the second-chair cellist, you know, he feels you’re nowhere good enough to fill in. When he gets back, be sure to tell him ‘Hi!’ for me!”

  123. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#119): Never book a room in a hotel where a professional football team is staying.

  124. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 18th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#87): Know the song well, though with slightly different lyrics. I learned it from one of Oscar Brand’s “Bawdy Songs & Backroom Ballads” collections, back in a different century.

  125. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    FW – I think the real villain in Cancerville is whoever is responsible for all those bad haircuts and hairdos. They fell in love with the Duran Duran look and never moved on. I know people from Ohio. They eschew that look. Eschew it, I tell you.

  126. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#122): “Thanks, but I’m the first chair cello. Flynn is second chair. Where the hell did that solo come from?”

  127. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#83): DT – Oh, wait. There’s a Mr. Bribery too? It’s all coming into focus now. Mr. Crime is the kingpin. His henchmen include Mr. Bribery, Mr. Safecracking, Mr. Burglary… and of course the comic relief is Mr. Jaywalking.

    Like all sublunary organizations, it was not perfect. Mr. Identity Theft was always trying to take credit for other member’s crimes. Mr. Murder finally waxed Mr. Litterbug for leaving his stuff lying around, one too many times. And Mr. Drunk Driving left much to be desired as a getaway driver.

  128. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#125):

    So that’s what bugs me about Funky Winkerbean! I thought it was that many of the characters are drawn in a way that they all seem related somehow (like Doonesbury)

    But, it is their hair styles!

    “Safety Dance” away from that hair cut, matey! Not all of the wimmin folk needs ta be sportin such dues! And, the dudes? Aaargh. Argh. The ones with sumptin still on de top, arrrgh…*

    //by the way: “eschew” means ‘to avoid’. I could see the characters ‘epitomizing’ that look, pitifully, too.
    No harm, no foul, no blame. No biggie. But, since you brought up “eschew” I now am compelled to write:
    Gesundheit!

    or, Walter Cronkite. Oh, heck! I will go with both!

    *the really cool people were making fun of pirates in the 80s. everyone is just playing catchup to our long gone katsup.

  129. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#127): But everyone admired Miss Demeanor’s poise!

  130. greghousesgf
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#65): well put. I would include those insipid yellow smileys and everything the Carpenters ever did.

  131. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#128): Yup, I meant that real Ohioans religiously avoid bad haircuts of the Funky Crankentein variety at all costs.

    Now if they start smearing makeup all over their mugs like pirates, we’ll blame Adam Ant.

  132. Liam
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Barney Google-Oh and she also to be young because the young ones will let you do things to them that the older ones won’t. Yep the wrong type and young are the keys to a long life.

  133. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#121): Is it maybe the preferred spelling in Canada?

  134. Poteet
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#112): Good point. I should probably get some therapy for my band issues:-).

  135. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#131):

    Chaze, you just keep pushing buttons, don’t ya?

    I blame Adam Ant for everything! I sneer at his sneering mug!
    In fact, he’s my scapegoat for Global Warming!

    Adam Ant can take his Rebel Yell (and blah, blah blah) and shove it were the sun don’t shine (not that it isn’t gonna do a lot of good now!) Do you realize how much how much hot air he let out? He’s killed glaciers, I tell ya! Entire glaciers!

  136. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#123)Just watched an old guy with an eye patch pay $875,000 for Porsche race car at the Mecum auction in Monterrey. I fully expect that it will be gifted to Rex Morgan.

  137. Liam
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    FW-And by “reading ‘Goodnight Moon” I really mean “Do you want to have sex”.

  138. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#135): Rebel Yell? Billy Idol, methinks.

  139. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#138):

    (in fairness I suffer from being easily confused by pop singers of the Rock and/ or Folk Variety because they all seem the same.
    hmmmm….waitasecond….so if I’ve been mistakenly blaming Adam Ant for everything. I guess I own him an apology. If all these years I should have been blaming Billy Idol then that’s an egregious error on my part. But, it doesn’t quite explain why just seeing his name infuriates me…

    hold on a second….

    (you can listen to some reggae, Snuff-safarian stylie, in the meantime)….

  140. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Okay. Recent photo of Adam Ant

    Nope. I don’t know who that is.

    Now, I’d hate to think I was confusing him with this guy though I am sure I wouldn’t be the first one to confuse one with the other.

    If they were standing in a line up together, I’d go:

    And, you two are supposed to be who?

  141. Snarkotix Addict
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#110): MT — I don’t remember exactly which Mudge came up with the image of Mark pleasuring himself with a stack of pancakes a few threads ago, but whoever you are, I’m going to find you and send you the bill for my brain surgery.

    I’m pretty sure that was “Mrs. Butterworth.”
    Yep, called herself, “Mrs. Butterworth.”

  142. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#139): Ahhhhhhhh…ooooooooooh……the Isrealites..

    -Desmond Dekker and the Aces

  143. Peanut Gallery
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#127): Now that you mention it, I’ve often marveled at the Dick Tracy villains’ remarkable tolerance for each others’ bizarre idiosyncrasies (considering that these are villains, after all), and wondered how they managed to function together. “Oh, that’s Mumbles, I’ll have to translate anything he says so you can understand. Oh, and that’s Doubleup, he says everything twice. But apart from that, he’s perfectly fine!” Working at Mr. Crime Inc. must be a lot like being in Monty Python’s mattress sketch.

  144. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#140): Wow. Who’s the pop star match for Secret Squirrel?

  145. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#144): C’est moi.

  146. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Okay.

    After further (exhausting) research (involving hitting the Return Key twice) of this Adam Ant fellow, I’ve come to the conclusion that based upon “Goody Two Shoes” alone, I despise his very attempts at trying to add to the culture.

    However….
    After virtually rummaging through his album cover photos, I’ve had a slight change of heart. I never want to see his face again.

    Like, Billy Idol, this Adam Ant is no stranger to the sneer.
    Now, in his defense he did have a song called “Here Come the Grumps” and that title alone somehow segues into the banality of the latest Popeye storyline. Though, without further evidence I can’t conclude if the song is actually interesting. So far, Popeye ain’t proving that Grumps are interesting at all.

    Suffice it to say, to paraphrase Mr. Horse: No, sir, I don’t like it.

  147. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#146): Okay. Here’s one for you. A band with identical haircuts the FW characters:

    Haircut 100

  148. Peanut Gallery
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#129): Mr. Grand Theft Auto spent all his time playing video games.

  149. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#133): Is it maybe the preferred spelling in Canada?
     I believe so. My point was that it was amusing to have the teacher point out 500* technical errors in the first para., endless comma splices for inst., and just one content error (generalization). After all that, a simple g. would be a relief, one would think.

    // Oh, and you shouldn’t use a sans-serif font in an academic paper.
    // Well, she should have mentioned it.

    * Exaggeration.

  150. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#148): No one could figure out what Mr. Simony did exactly, or why it was wrong.

  151. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106): @Poteet (#109): Thanks. Maybe being rushed to get out of the house helps.

  152. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#114): Did someone mention golden showers?

  153. Peanut Gallery
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#150): No one knew what Mr. Mopery’s racket was either, but they imagined it had to be something really nasty. (It’s always the quiet ones, you know.)

  154. Horace Broon
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#87): The version I learnt is a little different: the second line is “he married a mermaid…” (I learnt it at school), and the fourth is “a porpoise and a porgy and the other was me”. I can’t remember the second verse now, except that when the mermaid asks her human son what happened to his siblings, she gets the reply “One was exhibited as a talking fish, and the other served up with a plate of chips!”

  155. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#144):

    After additional research/time wasting, the only conclusion I can come to is that Secret Squirrel could have established precedent for that Lady Gaga lady. But, that is only because his face is never completely shown and he supposedly has many disguises. Though the research didn’t bear that out past the opening credits.

    @Chaze (#147):
    It is amazing how pop recording folks are partially or mostly defined by their haircuts, isn’t it?

    In fact, even those old timey classical folks seemed to dig wearing wigs. Now, I am wondering if in between then and now did people like Sousa have funky hair, too?

    Was Sousa the beeber (*) of his day?

  156. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#153):
    MR. CRIME: Bad news, Mopery. We’re going to have to let you go. Rightsizing, you know.
    MR. MOPERY: But I’ve been with Crime, Inc., since the beginning!
    MR. CRIME: I know. I hate to do it. , But I have to answer to the stockholders, you know. Exposing yourself to blind people is all very well, but we’re not getting the return on investment we’d like to see.

  157. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#154): That was closer to the one I heard, only it was “a dolphin, a cuttlefish, and the other was me” and the unlucky sibling got served in a “chafing dish”.

  158. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#127): “No, Mister Indecent Exposure! Get your hands away from your zipper! The middle of a heist is the wrong time.”

  159. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 18th, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#152) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#114): Did someone mention golden showers?”

    Rex likes to sing soul music while he’s golden showering. He sounds a lot like Urethra Franklin.

  160. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#141):
    Now, I’m no perverted country lawyer or anything even close to that. But, in defense of Mrs. Butterworth:

    she knew how to shake that rump.

    The way she moved across countertops is not unlike the way syrup slowly cascades down a stack of flappity jacks.*

    I would be surprised if there aren’t YouTube videos of the Mrs. Butterworth dancing dancing to slow, molasses-like jazz.

    Though, I got admit, the very fact that that dang container talked creeped me out something awful.

    *that’s what they are called, right? I know every region has different names for what in certain parts of the south** they call Griddle Innards.

    **South Coocoostan, I mean.

  161. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    Seriously, I was totally joking about those 80s pop singers. I forget them unless they show up somehow. They mean so little to me, ya know.

    But, Mrs. Butterworth commercials….whew. I just don’t know who thought that was a good idea. And, for God’s Sake, I don’t really know how they animated the mouth. Maybe, the face was not animated at all, but, I distinctly recall her speaking to people who were going to eat pancakes/waffles that were suddenly coated with her insides.

    The very concept is totally screwed.
    Cartoon Mascots must be trickier than most things to get right but if an aspect of them goes into creepy territory, the entire thing becomes creepy. Or, weird.

    I have to presume that Speedy Alka Seltzer wore a hat that was an alka seltzer tablet. How horrifying would it be for him if someone just poured water on his head? You’d think he could get it off in time but, what if it isn’t a hat? What if it was part of his head?

  162. The Ridger
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#161): I always wondered if Mrs Butterworth died when you used up the last drop of syrup … but all those mascots that want you to eat them? Creepy. Didn’t anybody ever tell Charlie Tuna what would happen if Starkist accepted him?

  163. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#160): I think I first became aware of the joys of the English language when I learned of the number of different terms for what Mark Trail calls pancakes. As a kid, “spidercakes” was my favorite. (A New England term, after a kind of cast iron frying pan with legs.)

    I like “hoe cakes” too. “Bile them Cabbage Down” is the only song I can sing, other than the “Keeper of the Eddystone Light”.

  164. Chaze
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#161): I think you’re describing almost every episode of Robot Chicken. One of their specialties is offing advertisers’ mascots in horrible ways. Dissolving Speedy’s head would be right up their alley.

  165. Borborygmy
    August 18th, 2012 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#163): Eddystone Light has 1/3 fewer calories than regular Eddystone, right?

  166. Dartpaw86
    August 18th, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#36):

    I don’t know if it is, but I read about the “Fetus comic…” on a list of Top Ten most disturbing comic strips in existence.

  167. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 18th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#159): Oh, that’s a piss-poor pun!

  168. Sgt. Stoned
    August 18th, 2012 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: “I’m proud to be a snitch!”

    MW: “The passengers helped each other. The crew didn’t do a fucking thing, but were in the lifeboats before anybody realized there was a problem–which accounts for the shortage of lifeboats.”

    BB: Flatulence is composed primarily of nitrogen and carbon dioxide–neither of which is lighter than air. Gen. Halftrack should not be floating. The strip is scientifically unsound.

    Lockhorns: Today’s cartoon is one of hundreds featuring a drunken Leroy dancing with a gorgeous babe. And the babes always seem to enjoy it. That “horn” must be longer than we imagine.

  169. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#20): I think that the answer is that the “Love Is…” people are actually troll dolls who have had plastic surgery.

  170. Snarkotix Addict
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#161): Poppin’ Flesh Fresh.
    With a big splash of Mrs. Butterworth.

  171. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#162):

    Charlie Tuna was kind of clever in that it ends with a mock apology (Sorry, Charlie)
    yet he was guaranteed a longer life so that he could swim while looking life a some cross between Mr Magoo and Thruston Howell the Third.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#163):
    Do you mean Mark Trail or Mark Twain? I never considered it before but there is a big difference. I could see Twain writing about different pancake names but Mark Trail…..whew….well, maybe he is that debonair with the savois faire and all that plus aplomb puddin’ (head).
    (and, “hoe cakes” always made me chuckle. Since there’s also potato pancakes, and we had a garden way back when, I thought hoe cakes were harvested. Ah, Silly Rabbit will never be a sensei.)

    @Chaze (#164):

    Oddly, I have only seen one episode of that show, plus a bit they did on Calvin and Hobbes. The C & H parody was kind of cliched in a way. So, when I finally got to see a full episode, I was expecting a bit more yet I steeled myself for disappointment. I don’t remember what it was about.

    Evan Dorkin. He did some comics about cartoon mascots that had something to it. It was funny bits. If I find it, maybe I’ll link to it sometime.

  172. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#170):

    Wasn’t there a movie that had a lot of cartoon mascots in it? Animated?

    I know “Logopolis” has some. But that is a short animated feature. And, the Simpsons had a Hallowe’en episode where fake mascots came to life.

    I bring this up because having cartoon mascots interact is ripe for humor.

    The Gorton’s (sp?) fisherman on his endless quest for Charlie Tuna, the Great White Drama Tuna. And, so on…

  173. Daniel
    August 18th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Love Is… Now, recall that LI started as doodles to the creator’s husband, who died in the comic’s fifth year. Now we all have to go to our Sadness Corners for a few minutes.

  174. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#167) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#159): Oh, that’s a piss-poor pun!”

    I’ve always done pretty well in that category. In fact, people have told me, “When it comes to piss-poor puns, on a scale of one to ten, you’re an eight!”

  175. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @Daniel (#173):

    Well, I was bawling my eyes out all day long because of this. Someday, I’ll figure out how to convert that to Bawlin’ for Dollars.

    Seriously though, it is kind of sad for the reasons you mention. I can only guess without looking there may be an easily deduced reason why today’s strip is melancholied up.

    So, to add a dash of zaniness, let me borrow one of Clown-9’s indoor noses (honk!honk! aroooogah!).

    Let’s just hope that lil nekkid lady isn’t approached by today’s version of Count Weirdly. Cuz, that ain’t no apple on the end of that leash. It looks like it is chomping at the bits.

    And, even more seriously: Does Weirdly just expect for that little furry dude to just accept having a leash on and to not just reach up with his fuzzy lil arms and his opposable thumbs, remove collar, escape the clutches of Weirdly and have a battle royal with that happy snake?

    (Dang it, Weber! The kids like action!)

  176. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#162): That’s about how I feel about those mascots, too. There is indeed something deeply wrong about a creature that makes a living trying to get people to consume either itself or its brethren.

    And don’t get me started with the various sorts of mascots used over the years to sell personal hygiene products or toilet cleansers. Eurgh.

  177. SDL no more!
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Love Is… creepy as hell.

  178. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#175): I think you meant to link to this installment of Slylock Fox. The link you provided takes us to an exercise in drawing an animated male version of TJ’s bikini weenie.

  179. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    Love Is… continuous mental fornication with your dead spouse. Didn’t Les Moore used to write this strip?

  180. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#178):

    Caaaaarumba!

    Yes. Today’s link is what I meant. I meant to edit yesterday’s so it had today’s date on it, for posterity.
    However, I began writing that comment at least 40 minutes before I finished it.* So, I forgot to edit it and I forgot to test the link when I previewed it.

    Thanks.

    *Don’tcha hate it when that happens? /andy rooney

  181. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#174): Well, bladder you than me. Urine luck if you can do as well as an 8, of course!

  182. tallyHO
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#178):

    And, without looking I know the one you mean.

    The Hot Dog Dance!

    I seriously doubt it was inspired by anything more than the Let’s All Go to the Lobby! commercial shown in movie theaters. But, it reminded me of the “legend” of one of Beck’s performances at the South By Southwest Music Conference. Apparently he did a song and someone threw out uncooked hotdogs. People did the Hot Dog Dance. Since I’ve never seen it and I wasn’t there. I can only assume it was not fake cool but actually just good fun.

    The closest thing I’ve ever come to that was going to a music show and they threw out fried chicken parts. But, what would you expect from a band called Southern Culture on the Skids.

    The Hot Dog Dance!

  183. Droopy Says
    August 18th, 2012 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#169): Troll dolls? Take a closer look at “Love Is.” Short, pudgy, knee-less legs. Pudgy arms. Round heads, and that should be a dead give-away: they’re adult melonheads. I’d suggest that the LI entities are some breed of pixie or other fey, who exchange their children for the human sort. Bil and Thel Keane are raising creatures who don’t quite fit into our world, while the Love-Is couple . . . well, since Bil and Thel don’t seem too disturbed by the changelings, perhaps the Love-Is couple got the worse part of the exchange.

  184. Droopy Says
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: Ha-ha, Jameson proves that even though you never see them together, the smart-alecky Spiderman can’t possibly be the smart-alecky Peter Parker. But what better way to lead into a false sense of tension than with a false show of menace?

    FU, W: I’m sure the water does worlds of good for all the instruments.

    Melonheads: As Bil heads out the door, he realizes that at the end of the day he will have to return to this bit of heaven on earth. He raises his furled umbrella to the skies, silently hoping that some benevolent god–Zeus? Jehovah? Thor?–will send a swift, merciful lightning bolt his way.

    Jugs Parker: That isn’t Bea growing on Avarice, it’s moss. Check it out, if you’re lost you can find north by seeing where the moss grows on this motionless story.

    Mary Mirthless: Notice the fine attention to detail? Last week the SS Mal de Mer was down by the stern and half submerged. Now that Wilbur is ashore, she’s risen enough to clear her main deck.

    Pluggers dread the day that they run out of modern terms to misunderstand.

  185. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#179): It’s worst than that, since the husband died in 1975 and the wife in 1997. It’s now become stranger necrophilia.

  186. Poteet
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    8/19 MW — There are probably many people who could look at that last panel and not get a fit of the giggles, but I am not among them.

  187. Poteet
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    JP – Finally.

  188. tallyHO
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#184):
    “As Bil heads out the door, he realizes that at the end of the day he will have to return to this bit of heaven on earth. He raises his furled umbrella to the skies, silently hoping that some benevolent god–Zeus? Jehovah? Thor?–will send a swift, merciful lightning bolt his way.

    Option A)
    And if an Olympic sprinter shows up?
    Option B)
    Bil turns into Captain Marvel? Or, maybe Bil Marvel? Poppy Marvel? Cuddly Duddly Wuddly? (ok. Opt. B is too geekily obscure)

    Option C)
    When the door closes behind him, Bil says in barely audible tones: Not Me!
    Then the lightning strikes and Bil turns into a barely visible Schmoo of an apparition. He then turns around and, walking through the closed door, goes back into the house to vex Thel and give the kids a little back up excuse.

    /cue Twilight Zone theme.

  189. tallyHO
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#186):

    Someone else mentioned that the bearded guy hasn’t said a word so far in this.

    The expression his face and his wife’s face make it they both loath the very thought that Mary may talk with Wilbur and Dawn.

    Is Mary’s Cult of Personality so strong that it causes envy to rise in those who feel that she will not adore them with attention?

  190. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#181): Well said. Those kinds of puns would normally stream out of me, but tonight, I’m afraid they’re down to a trickle. It’s just as well, because this thread is about to peter out.

  191. tallyHO
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    And, for the love of all that is proper, is that newscaster’s mustache a Santa Royale thing? Does it sooth viewers into believing that as the world crashes down all around them, they are pleasantly stuck in the Depression era 1930s when there was not picture box that showed them bad things and only radio which made them laugh?

  192. tallyHO
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#190):

    Drink some wit wine and those puns will start gushing out again!

  193. tallyHO
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Hi & Lois:

    Is that a dare?

    If it is a dare, someone might take them up on that. Just sayin’.

    Slylock Fox:

    That dang thing broke my brain in half. I couldn’t even begin to figure out the “mystery” because of the top cartoon with the guy proposing. If it is a metaphor, wow. If it is just a gag, wow squared. If she is being electrocuted at that very moment, Christopher Walken: wowwowwowwow!

  194. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: The boat doesn’t have an outboard motor mounting, either, so i say they’re both lying.

  195. Spiff Bereft
    August 19th, 2012 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    FW: He’s just working up to asking her to put on the Strawberry
    Shortcake nightie she wore when she was 6 and call him “Bad Daddy”.

  196. Dale
    August 19th, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#194):

    I got focused on the lack of a motor mount, and never thought about oarlocks.

  197. Anonymous
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    If June and Rex are heading to San Diego’s Mission Beach they had better bring lots of high quality penicillin – the place is the Jersey Shore of San Diego. Jello shots and tramp stamps!

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