Main content:


The seven faces of Ian (minus one face)

Mary Worth, 8/19/12

As advertisers of electronic devices, apps, and Web services are learning, it’s tough to make a compelling image out of somebody staring at a screen. I mean, a CEO can feign rapture while eavesdropping on his sales team’s BS from his iPad, but when that ad runs on the front page of the Wall Street Journal, he’s just gonna look like an idiot.

So pity Mary and Toby, stuck on the couch watching Wilbur’s Italian Adventure this week. No amount of compulsive cheek-touching or sedative chit-chat can make them more than props in this turgid recap.

But what’s going on with Ian?

Mary Worth, 8/15–19/12 (excerpts)

Our Favorite Blowhard has been going through the changes all week — from smug confidence that somehow this will all work out well for him, through shock that it doesn’t seem to be going that way, to feigned indifference, alarm, then petulant dismay at the continued disregard of his Presence, and now RAGE that no one — NO ONE — is paying any attention to him at all! Toby’s in for a rough night.

Crankshaft, 8/19/12

Aw, look — it’s a charming and gently amusing Sunday Crankshaft! You gotta love Quad-Cane Guy at second, right? And nobody’s talking! Wait, I guess that’s not a coincidence, is it?

Mark Trail, 8/19/12

Oh, Aristotle my ass: animals that live in the water are fish. Deal with it.

– Uncle Lumpy

235 responses to “The seven faces of Ian (minus one face)”

  1. Joe Btfsplk
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    Mary – OK, Comic Strip Artists everywhere: When you look at a TV at an angle, you don’t see the head of the guy in the picture from that angle too, as if it were a real head in a glass-fronted box. It just doesn’t work that way.

  2. BigTed
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    Ian’s just angry that days after the ship went down, speaking in vague generalities and without actually interviewing anyone, the newscaster is still bragging about reporting “live” from the Italian coast.

    “What’s the point of watching the old lady’s high-def, big-screen TV if there aren’t any bloodied survivors?” Beardo seems to be thinking.

  3. tabby
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    crankshaft’s stadium seems to be prepared for the kind of fans the senior league draws, too – check out the billboards.

  4. BigTed
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    I assume those signs for old-people medicines like Metamucil and Lipitor were put up especially for Crankshaft’s senior league, but they still beat the Viagra and hair-replacement ads the networks air during actual pro ballgames.

  5. Anorak
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Actually, looks like quad-cane’s the shortstop. Suspenders Guy is at second (and I Don’t Know’s on third. No, seriously! He doesn’t look familiar!) – and imho, Suspenders Guy is the guy you *really* gotta love! Just look at the jaunty tilt of his impressive moustache!

  6. bbofun
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    MW-Neither Ian nor Toby seemed particularly happy with the idea of Dawn and Wilbur returning home. Perhaps some bad blood between the Cameron and Weston clans? Such could surely be the stuff of Shakespearean drama. And by “Shakespearean” I mean “talky and slow”.

    FW-Kudos for not throwing in any dialogue, or anything that might take away from such a gently humorous and quaint- ah, crap, look at the ads. Nice one, Batiuk.

  7. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    RMMD— June brazenly rejects the offer of “just” a free beachfront apartment, and demands even more free stuff from Melissa. She thinks that by doing so, she and Rex will finally catch up to Sam and Abbey Driver in their relentless pursuit of unmerited luxury gifts. She is wrong. The Morgans are not even in the same league as the Drivers, because the Drivers never have to ask.

  8. Laura
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    MW: Ian’s eyes also appear to be changing color from day to day.

    Baldo: I hate to break it to you, Gracie, but most of the Barnes & Noble stores around here went under, over a year ago.

    Lio: *SHUDDER*! The scary thing is, ECT is actually making a comeback.

    FW: “It’ll probably rain anyway during their outdoor concert, so we’re just going to get them used to the fact that the fates hate them. If they want to play music, let’s make them play while being buffeted with 90-300 gallons of water per minute. Hey, if it was good enough for Governor Wallace, it’s good enough for me.”

  9. Laura
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    @Laura (#8): I’m sorry, that was tactless and tasteless. My bad. I don’t know what’s got into me today. :-(

  10. Poteet
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    MW — Look at Toby’s top. What a strumpet.

  11. Ian Beste
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    Toby huh? Whew Thought it was Ann Coulter…

  12. tallyHO
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    Last Panel, Unspoken Dialogue in Snuffy Smif:

    The doctor:

    “Word up!”
    ~~~~~~
    And, there goes Snuffy subtly gesturing with the heavy metal devil sign again.

  13. yaoi huntress earth
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    FW: Now that I think about it, wouldn’t this be a bit of a hazard since kids could get knocked-down by the spray or trip and fall? And given how she has no problems forcing kids to practice in the middle of a monsoon, this would cause a bunch of water damage to the instruments along with the possibility of a few of the kids getting sick. Then again, this could be great fodder for Batiuk to make a “very special arc” when he can play Susan as the poor little victim of “over protective” parents who want her fired for child endangerment.

  14. Alison
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    “Rex Morgan”: “Well, okaaaay, I guess I’ll take your free stuff. But only if you offer me more free stuff.” “Agreed!” WTF. This woman honestly can’t find anyone who’ll take her offer and not insist on more freebies?

    “Luann”: Wait, those characters are supposed to look like Taylor Swift and Megan Fox? I’m not a particular fan of either woman but damn, that’s harsh! “Taylor Swift” looks like a five-year-old dolled up for a beauty pageant and “Megan Fox” looks like a punk rocker circa 1983. Ouch!

  15. Baka Gaijin
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:59 am [Reply]

    Chinbeard and Toeby are sitting with the person who inspired this joke:

    A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “I’m afraid I can’t stop passing wind. Luckily, my farts don’t smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted twice since I’ve been here in your office, but you didn’t even notice.”

    The doctor looks at her and says, “OK. I can help you, take these pills and come back next week.”

    The next week, the lady returns. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my farts stink.”

    The doctor smiles and says, “Good, we fixed your sinuses. Now let’s work on your hearing.”

    Salmon square gaseous emissions from the anus don’t smell like roses, y’all.

  16. Baka Gaijin
    August 19th, 2012 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    Mrs. Marvin’s Mom, with your little poop monster, for the changing room I’d have ordered a sealed room with a big window and those remote control arms so popular in nuclear refueling facilities. Then I’d have my dick cut off so we don’t have any possible chance of another hellspawn.

    If it wasn’t blazingly obviously before, we know for sure Herb is totally gay for Jamaal. One would expect a father to sit next to his family. You know, to be able to smack unruly children that his wife can’t reach. Not Herb. Buffers the little ruffians with his phallicly shaped friend.

  17. tallyHO
    August 19th, 2012 at 4:49 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#16):

    So you are saying Herb sits next to Jamaal not out of obligation but because of Oblonggaytion, where he consequentially shunning the youngins? Hopefully, that isn’t positively Jungian. Let’s hope the saucy couple share a plate of Funyons, a la that spaghetti eatin’ scene in “Lady and the Tramp”. Let’s hope the rest of the week doesn’t involve the pair massagin’ each others’ bunions while they nosh on onions.

    //must sleep. senses. taking toll. of Adam West-ian. proportions.

  18. Baka Gaijin
    August 19th, 2012 at 5:10 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#17): Yeah, that. Enjoy your sleep. It’s about lunchtime here.

  19. Baka Gaijin
    August 19th, 2012 at 5:14 am [Reply]

    Gurney careening down the road, Dick Tracy‘s turned into an episode of “My Name Is Earl.” On second thought, with the bad-ass mood Mr. Catchem’s in, he’ll be able to stop traffic with just a scowl. In no time he’ll be spinning in the street and tossing a passersby into the air à la Mary Tyler Moore but grislier…??”You’re gonna make it after all!”?? [*]

    There’s got to be more to La Cucaracha than the guy lusting after an ugly chair. I hate these little inside jokes sometimes.

  20. Liam
    August 19th, 2012 at 6:15 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft-And who shall throw out the first hip?

    MW-Poor Toby. She looks like she is wondering how much longer she must looked shocked and concerned over the sinking when she doesn’t give a shit about it.

  21. Cayuga
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    MW – What’s going on with Ian? Well, he appears in two frames today. In the first one, it looks as if Mary and Toby are pulling a Weekend at Bernie’s kind of thing. In the last one, he just looks like he’s taking a dump.

  22. Liam
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    FW-Nothing like spraying kids with water powerful enough to break their ribs to get them ready for a gentle rain in October.

  23. gleeb
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: Well, this is the least cringe-causing strip in months, though.

    ‘bean: Meanwhile, several orphans die in a raging fire. But it’s OK; their sacrifice will be remembered by the band members wearing a thin black armband during the first half of the season.

    Lola: Feh, this is too derivative of Gasoline Alley.

  24. Hibbleton
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    RMMD:This plot sounds thin, ridiculously so, but actually it’s just a ruse cooked up by Mabel and June to stop Rex (once again) from killing seeing patients. June is like a super hero, employing an ensemble of actors who devise elaborate scenarios to distract Rex and keep him away from his (mal)practice and out of prison.

  25. Black Drazon
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: enforcer of the ancient greek academics! Now I know, Classic Mark Trail comics are generally better, and if there’s anyone who deserves a hard fist to the right jaw, it’s Galileo Galilee, but Mark take out the Large Hadron Collider will be far more entertaining, I assure.

  26. Little Blue Bicycle
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary’s upset about the disaster, Ian can’t believe that his Viagra is finally kicking in now, and Toby is deeply that disturbed watching the same erectile function.

  27. The Ridger
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @Laura (#8): We still have B&Ns around here. There’s a huge one in Bethesda I go to pretty often.

  28. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    FW – I think both Lefty, with her gym teacher vibe, and her beard, Comics John, would both be happier if each came out of the closet. Tensions in the boudoir would probably be ratcheted down a notch or two. And FW could have a “very special” episode.

    MW – I would think Ian should relish Wilbur’s return. He’s the only guy who makes the Old Perfesser not look so bad poolside.

    ASM – Shoot! JJJ stole my elephant shit joke.

  29. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    A3G- With that limp wrist motion she’s flashing, is Carla telling us that “breathtaking” means effeminate? This could be a job for young Mr Evan!

    “Evan, remember when you said the clients’ needs come first? Well, I have a needy client here.”

  30. Holly Folly
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    You know, the Right Whales mama always told him if he made a face like that it would freeze, but he didn’t listen. Now look where he’s at.

  31. Borborygmy
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @Laura (#8): @The Ridger (#27): I believe they shut down a lot of their smaller stores (including the mall-based B. Daltons) to concentrate on their big box stores. Still the biggest brick & mortar bookseller, by far, in the US.

  32. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    That TV reporter appears to be trying to hide a cold sore from the camera with his microphone.

  33. IHateMowing
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    I <3 Agnes.

  34. pugfuggly
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    MW When you’re depicting your own characters sitting around watching TV, rehashing events the audience has already seen, saying out loud that they can’t wait for something to actually happen, your plot may be moving a liiiiiiittle slow.

    A3G Looking at that hand gesture, ‘breathtaking’ is old-timey slang for ‘really gay’.

    ASM I love how JJJ goes out and buys a spiderman mug, just so he can draw a big X over his face and seethe at his coffee every morning. When caffeine can’t get you up in the morning, blinding rage can.

  35. Oregonian
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    “Oh, Aristotle my ass”

    Even if I knew how to do that, Uncle Lumpy, I doubt that I would.

  36. David Foster Wodehouse
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    MW: To me it looks like Ian has pulled a Deadpool — suddenly he’s aware that he’s in a comic. However, while Deadpool is generally pretty pleased with himself, Ian seems to be experiencing only impotent rage. Seems about right.

  37. Clint Brawny
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft looks to be only a few feet from home plate.

  38. TheDiva
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Sure it looks innocent and sweet, but Crankshaft is two seconds away from deliberately beaning the guy and sparking a bench-clearing brawl.

    MW: Mary’s not even trying to conceal her eagerness to meddle Dawn and Wilbur through the aftermath now, is she?

  39. lorne
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    I’m most impressed with the suave mustachioed TV reporter who appears to have dropped in directly from a Silver Age issue of Superman.

  40. Ditch
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft- From the flesh-tone of the catcher, it appears that, in order to fill some gaps in the roster, Crankshaft’s team simply put some baseball gear and a catcher’s mitt on a rigor mortis-ed corpse and stuck him behind home plate…which raises the question: What exactly was he doing when he died in that position? Me thinks it wasn’t playing baseball.

  41. TheDiva
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    9CL: That’s not arachnophobia. That’s dealing with a spider.

    A3G: Judging by her wrist flip, “Carla” is actually a drag queen. And not a very good one, from the looks of hir.

    FW: “Then afterwards, we’ll have them turn the hose on my mother! Have I mentioned how much I hate my mother? If it weren’t for our mutual loathing of her, my husband and I would have divorced years ago!”

    Luann: Logic according to Luann:
    Tiffany obsesses over her appearance. Tiffany is shallow and vain.
    Luann obsesses over her appearance. Luann is quirky and fun.

    Marvin: So, it’s official–Marvin is somewhere between two and three years old. And he still sleeps in a crib and gets a bottle at night. Is he that developmentally challenged, or are his parents that stupid?

  42. John C Fremont
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#23): I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one seeing that weird Gasoline Alley/Lola thing. I was blaming my computer.

    MW – Later, when Toby asks him why he was so angry at that TV reporter, Ian will respond, “I’m too much of a man to say, but it involved a half-off sale, a crowded parking lot, and a pair of pants that made my ass look like an oil painting.”

    JP – That doesn’t exactly look like Bubba, but it sure isn’t Bea. Based on the way he’s standing, I’m gonna go with it being Torgo. He does, after all, take care of the place while The Master is away. (I still can’t believe I missed the Live Manos, dammit!)

    MT – So, what, the sperm whale was the wrong whale to catch?

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    drat.

    lost my comments by not New Tabbing before going to look at Retail.

    slowsquee in Lockhorns, Schulz ref in Lio, Bob the Dinosaur guests in 6Cx, and Overboard sucks.

    on to the lolsquee.

  44. Walker of Dog
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    MT: I hope the northern right whale gets some good draft picks for next year.

  45. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    the highlight of yesterday was getting puppy-breath kisses from a bulldog pup.

    want.

    Batgirl haz headlights. (cosplay)

    for Honey Badger.

    a slithery little something for Poteet.

    carry-on corgi.

    meanwhile, in the jungles of Southeast Asia.

  46. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Cranky….after looking at that batting stance, I now know the whereabouts of Carl Yaztrzemski!

  47. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Here’s a copy of the magazine cover Bill Griffith is showing in today’s Zippy.

  48. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

  49. comicsgrl
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#42):

    MT – So, what, the sperm whale was the wrong whale to catch?

    It was for those on the whaleship Essex:

    http://www.massmoments.org/moment.cfm?mid=334

  50. Ellie
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    MT-in areas with a marked decrease in zooplankton, the Northern Right Whale can occasionally be observed launching its body out of the water in pursuit of a seagull. These desperate attempts to escape starvation are seldom successful.

  51. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#48): There’s no magazine cover in my Zippy today. But I do like that cover, even if it does drown me in a tidal wave of nostalgia.

  52. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Ellie (#50): Depressing. Think that could be written into a Funky Winkerbean story?

  53. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Baldo: At first I read this as the girl suddenly realising that the books in the Barnes and Noble are all way over-priced and that she couldn’t afford to buy even one, so she ran off to a used-book store where she could afford a whole cart-full. But then I realised that she was in the same store and had just run off to get a cart so she could fill it up with over-priced books, meaning that whoever this little girl is, she makes about 10 times more money than I do. And then I got depressed. I mean — more depressed.

  54. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Say what you will about Giella’s art, but there’s no one out there today who can better render three people awkwardly squished together on an uncomfortable couch.

  55. Brian
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    MT: I am glad they clarify that Aristotle was “a Greek philosopher,” so no one will confuse him with the other Aristotles they know, such as the famous shipping magnate.

  56. pastordan
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Does anyone know what the hell a “polyester jam” is?

    Anyone?

  57. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#6):

    And by “Shakespearean” I mean “talky and slow”.

    But: “ending with some act of spectacular and bloody violence”!

    @Laura (#8):

    but most of the Barnes & Noble stores around here went under, over a year ago.

    In this area, Borders was the one that shut down all over. B&N seems to be doing all right. (But their “new arrivals” are rarely on sale! The only bookstore I’ve been in recently in which I could afford to buy a shopping cart full of books was Powells in Portland.)

    @Ellie (#50): Really? So sad. That’s what I always love/hate about these Sunday strips: They point out some endangered animal but rarely delve into the sticky issues of potential causes. “Oh, dear, look at the poor, endangered animal! Gosh, wouldn’t it be great if we could figure out if we had something to do with it? Ah well.”

  58. Victory Garden
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    9CL: I really don’t think he’s committed to “the lifestyle.” Look at all that grabass he’s been doing with Edda just in the last week.

  59. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MW – I’m reading the reporter’s monologue, but I’m hearing the theme from Gilligan’s Island.

    “If not for the courage of the fearless crew…..”

  60. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    9CL: Despite his verbosity, I have to say that in one sense, McEldowney is never guilty of actually ruining a gag (when they actually appear) by over-explanation. Today’s strip feels like it was written by Pat Brady of Rose is Rose.

  61. Liam
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    MW-Your going to have a while to wait Mary. Wilbur and Dawn have to survive an earthquake, a government coup, and an airplane crash before they return home.

  62. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#51): That’s odd. Zippy works in my Slurper, but the “original site/archives” link is broken. Try this.

  63. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Brian (#55):MT: I am glad they clarify that Aristotle was “a Greek philosopher,” so no one will confuse him with the other Aristotles they know, such as the famous shipping magnate.

    Though, you would expect a shipping magnate to know about fish, too.

  64. This Guy
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: “And This Guy is nothing short of breathtaking!” Well, I do try.

    Baldo: Don’t worry, kid, grocery stores LOVE it when you make off with their carts.

    GA: What is this I don’t even…

    Mutts: An unexplored monster-movie concept: giant, ambulatory sea stars.

  65. DOlz
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    We spend a lot of time here snarking on bad writing, bad drawing, bad (or lack of) jokes, in other words things that are wasting dead trees and electrons. So it is particularly sad when one of the great ones calls it quits. “Cul de Sac” will be ending on September 23, 2012 so Mr. Thompson can concentrate on dealing with his case of Parkinson’s disease. The last two comics to retire that left me with this much sadness were “Calvin and Hobbes” and “Tumbleweeds”.

    http://dailycartoonist.com/index.php/2012/08/17/richard-thompson-to-retire-cul-de-sac/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheDailyCartoonist+%28The+Daily+Cartoonist%29&utm_content=Google+Feedfetcher

  66. kkarenb
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    FW – Where are the people standing in puddles of water with electric blowdryers to dry off the wet band members?

    MW – Good heavens, look at Mary in that last panel. It looks like Giella was trying to draw a particularly ugly portrait of Queen Elizabeth.

    Prince Valiant – A completely positive comment – I love the art in this strip. That last panel is just wonderful -the composition is full of action, and the artist did a particularly nice job with Val’s pose and the foreshortening of his arm.

  67. Liam
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Luann-A goth Minnie Pearl?

    Foxtrot-Paige, maybe you should take out the Photoshopped picture of Taylor Launter and Robert Pattinson making out instead of the tan.

  68. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Pajama Diaries: What tires me out with these overworked-mom strips (and the whole over-worked mom meme in general) is that her problem is entirely self-imposed. She sets conditions and standards that nobody else expects of her. She then transfer these expectations onto those around her until they stop trying to do things or themselves (a good example in today’s strip is the mother who failed to drive to school to deliver the snack her child forgot). And then she whines and whines about the amount of work she has to do and how everyone expects so much from her.

    The next step, of course, is for the mother to “declare her independence,” making a big show of how she’s going to carve out some “time for herself” and everyone is just going to have to learn to “do things for themselves,” making it sound like they’ve been using her as a slave all along. The term “passive aggressive” doesn’t even begin to cover this.

    It was specifically for mothers like this that the acronym “STFU” was invented.

    Bah! It’s strips like this that make 9CL look sane.

  69. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#57): There’s a “2nd & Charles” used book store here in Birmingham, that’s very large with an excellent selection. Even better, they have several “free” bins in front of the store, where books that are too scuffed, water-damaged, etc. go. Mostly junk, as you would expect, but I’ve found gold in them thar bins.

    // 2nd & Ch. is a subsidiary of Books-a-Million, which is B&N’s big competitor here in the South.

  70. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    MW: “To hell with those PTSD treatments like cognitive-behavioral therapy, SSRIs, and psychodynamic therapy! What traumatized survivors need is a good, long meddle—and I’m just the woman to give it to ‘em!”

  71. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#62): Okay, now that one was fascinating.

  72. Joshua
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#57): It’s not just in your area — the entire Borders bookstore chain in the United States shut down about a year ago.

  73. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#68):

    She sets conditions and standards that nobody else expects of her. She then transfer these expectations onto those around her until they stop trying to do things or themselves (a good example in today’s strip is the mother who failed to drive to school to deliver the snack her child forgot). And then she whines and whines about the amount of work she has to do and how everyone expects so much from her.

    When did you meet my sister?

  74. Liam
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    MT-I see Right Whales but where are the Left Whales and the Wrong Whales.

    Slylock-Of course Slylock is going to believe Pete over Shady. This is Shady Shrew we are talking about. A crime could be committed against Shady and Slylock would believe the other person over Shady.

    MW-Ian and Toby are hoping that Wilbur and Dawn return home quickly. They can’t stand listening to Mary anymore.

  75. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#73): Like Chickenman, “she’s everywhere, she’s everywhere!”

  76. Joe Btfsplk
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Mary – What a change in mood between panels three and seven. They all look happy enough watching the news about the Italian Ship Disaster, and then it’s all revulsion and dismay when they remember that Wilbur and Dawn are coming back.

  77. Uncle Lumpy
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#74):

    Ahab messed with the Wrong Whale.

  78. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#62): Huh. For some reason I hadn’t realised that Zippy was on Slurper, and I’ve been seeing it through the Toronto Star Comics Kingdom. I’ve corrected this, now, and you’re right — the Slurper comic is the right one. And that particular strip is an interesting piece of history.

  79. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#74): The Left Whales are all at “Save the Whale” protests. The Wrong Whales tried to go, but got lost and are presently asking directions from patrons of an outdoor cafe in Paris.

  80. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Good one. Right down to the advertisements. Almost I could believe that Batiuk used to do a good strip.

  81. Chance
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    When I saw the title of this post, my immediate thought was, “That’s six faces too many.” My second thought was, “I wonder if they all have chinbeards?”

  82. Baka Gaijin
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    CLOWNS WITH iPADS! I’m pretty sure I read that’s a precursor to the four horsemen according to the Book of Revelation.

  83. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Chance (#81): I have to say, I really appreciated the reference to Dr. Lao. I liked that movie way more than I probably should have.

  84. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#74):

    Of course Slylock is going to believe Pete over Shady.

    Now, if it were Perfidious Pete, it would be a whole different story!

  85. mstgator
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Anorak (#5):

    Shortstop plays between the second and third basemen, so quad-cane is definitely second base (or first base if for some reason they have the shift on). And damn you for making me look twice at a Crankshaft panel.

  86. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    FW: And as she climbs further out of the closet, Becky arranges for an impromptu wet t-shirt contest. The possibility of severe injury caused by slippery grass and high-powered water jets merely adds to the appeal.

  87. debussy fields
    August 19th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Idea for an interactive comic strip: Pair up Ian from Mary Worth with Mark Trail’s Doc and have them get into adventures together. Neither of them ever says anything, so readers will use their imaginations to conjecture what each is thinking as they split their time wrestling with alligators in Lost Forest and sitting on the patio listening to Mary Worth go on and on about nothing.

  88. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#79): The right whale reminds me of a 1951 Buick.

  89. Poteet
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#45): Thank you! I rescued one of her distant relatives from the road yesterday.

  90. Poteet
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

  91. Barto
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    MW: Reading the Ian montage right to left, I would postulate that he was filling his diapers.

  92. Poteet
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Btfsplk (#76): If I had a float, that would be on it.

  93. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#88): I had to look one up, but I see your point.

  94. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#87): Excellent idea! Which of the Faces of Ian represents the moment when he first sees Rusty? I’ll vote for Face #2, with Face #6 coming along when Ian realizes that Rusty isn’t going away any time soon.

  95. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#84): Now, if it were Perfidious Pete…

    But what a wonderful moniker! You’d just have to live up, or rather, down to it, wouldn’t you. Probity would not be an option.

    I’ve always felt that Dangerous Dan McGrew was probably a quiet, peaceable, self-effacing man, by nature, but when Robt. Service gave him that sobriquet, he felt he needed to justify it. And look at the consequences!

    // If I’m not mistaken, The Shooting of Dan McGrew was put to music and is now the national anthem of Canada. Frank Lee Meidere would know.

  96. commodorejohn
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    6Chix – And then the Internet went down, and – guess what? THE YELLOW PAD STILL WORKED, BITCHES.

    A3G – I think she threw out her wrist with that fey hand-wave.

    DT – I gotta say, that is a mighty fine ZZAPP! there. But now I’m going to be wracking my brain all day trying to remember which TV show or movie (from, I think, the ’60s or ’70s) had someone caught on a gurney luging downhill in the middle of traffic. Damn,

    FW – “It also helps them prepare for their future in the growing U.S. police state, though doubtless by then the government will be using even more horrible weapons to quell nonviolent protests!”

    H&L – I reiterate: any time authors use the term “viral” in reference to online crap, they should be given a virus. If they somehow decide to use it as a punchline, it should be ebola.

    JP – Oh dear God. Please, mysterious shadowy figure that’s probably just Bubba, squash the little toad before we find out what he thinks “turning on the charm” constitutes.

    Luann – Oh, it’s the hot new “Punky Brewster, Prostitute in Hell” look.

    MT – The problem with an overview of whales is that way, way too many of them are ugly, deformed sumbitches. It doesn’t exactly build sympathy.

    NAOQV – Yow. I see why Pab doesn’t draw in color anymore.

    Phantom – “The props had to get him that time!” is an unconventionally situational variant of “that’s the last we’ll ever see of him!,” but its power to tempt Fate is not diminished.

    PV – I admire a man who sticks to his principles to his own disadvantage, Val, but if this keeps up you may need to hire your own swordswoman.

    RMMD – “I was pregnant with Sarah and sick as a dog! The endless whispering of the damned as demonic spectres gathered ’round to witness the coming of the Prophesied One didn’t help either. If we hadn’t already paid for the bed-’n-breakfast, we would’ve just cut it short and gone home.”

    SF – Are you gonna get married in that ’80s aerobics getup, Jackie?

    SM – J. Jonah Jameson has a “no Spider-Man” coffee mug. That is the awesomest thing.

  97. odinthor
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#79):

    And the Josey Whales are in a ranch house in Texas.

  98. agony
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    So what the hell is a band mom anyway? Is this a real thing? And if so, is it something that just any random member of the community can do? Cause if that’s Becky’s mom, she probably doesn’t have a kid of her own in band. Or even a grandchild, going by that remark about Wally Jr being in elementary band. Maybe it’s just that where I’m from (very small town in rural Alberta) we’re more cynical and suspicious than Ohioans, but we tend to wonder a bit about people without children in the school inserting themselves forcefully into contact with students.

  99. billman
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#96):
    DT – I gotta say, that is a mighty fine ZZAPP! there. But now I’m going to be wracking my brain all day trying to remember which TV show or movie (from, I think, the ’60s or ’70s) had someone caught on a gurney luging downhill in the middle of traffic. Damn,

    there was one in the 80s Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello much-maligned film Hudson Hawk.

  100. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#99): I’ll never nominate it for best film of the year or anything, but I got a kick out of Hudson Hawk. I should probably see it again, however, before defending it any further.

  101. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#96):

    DT – I gotta say, that is a mighty fine ZZAPP! there. But now I’m going to be wracking my brain all day trying to remember which TV show or movie (from, I think, the ’60s or ’70s) had someone caught on a gurney luging downhill in the middle of traffic. Damn,

    There’s the scene in the Monkees, which was used in their openings, of them going down the road in beds.

  102. billman
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#100):

    Yes, not making a value judgement myself, but it was written up at Agony Booth, I believe one of their multi-reviewer specials. To get an idea about it, the scene in question is not going downhill, they’re launched out of an ambulance somehow and keep accelerating along a flat road (i think a bridge like GWB or something) weaving thru traffic.

  103. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#95): I’m afraid the lobbyists for the anthem change lost that one. Our anthem is still the same as it’s always been: “I’m Sorry, So Sorry.”

  104. commodorejohn
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#99): Well, I’ve never seen Hudson Hawk, and by most accounts, I don’t exactly feel a great need to. I thought it was It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World for a bit, but it’s not…

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#99): Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello much-maligned film Hudson Hawk.

    Seldom did a movie deserve maligning more. I paid a dollar for it from a DVD discount bin, thinking, how bad could it be…

    I should have just dropped the dollar in the bin, and left the DVD. I’ll never get those two hours back.

  106. commodorejohn
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#104): I suppose it is possible I’m remembering it from the Agony Booth recap, though.

  107. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Luann “I’m not really a bad girl. But I’m not exactly a good girl, either…”

    There is another possibility: You’re an inconsequential dweeb, so anything you wear will go unnoticed. It’s win-win, Luann.

    FW What a sense of community! Where you can get anyone in public works to do outrageously stupid and wasteful things.

    BG&SS And speaking of gross or weird, do we get to see Snuffy’s prostate exam tomorrow?

    MW Yikes! The pencilled-in mustache is certainly a casualty.

  108. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#102): I really do have to see it again. I enjoyed the way Willis and Aiello time their burglaries by singing “Side by Side.” It’s the song a friend of mine and I used to sing while hitch-hiking, after seeing S*P*Y*S.

  109. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#103): Wiki tells me that Brian Mulroney and Ronald Reagan used to enjoy reciting the poem together at public and private events, taking alternate verses.

    // The mind boggles.

  110. Baka Gaijin
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#96) on Sally Forth: With Ted involved, I’d expect the loving couple to be dressed as Autobots or Princess Leia and Jabba the Hutt.

  111. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm (#107):

    FW What a sense of community! Where you can get anyone in public works to do outrageously stupid and wasteful things.

    Especially when all they had to do was turn on the sprinklers. (I mean, it’s still a stupid idea, but a lot less dangerous and wasteful than using the fire department just to get some kids wet.)

  112. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#109): …Brian Mulroney and Ronald Reagan used to enjoy reciting the poem together…

    Sounds like the start of a slash-fic… I’m all shpilkes to hear the next part!

  113. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#109): You’re making that up, right? I know they sang, “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.”

  114. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#96):

    SF – Are you gonna get married in that ’80s aerobics getup, Jackie?

    It’s going to be a short ceremony — basically just a 20 Minute Workout.

  115. Victory Garden
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @mstgator (#85): They have the shift on because that batter is clearly a spray hitter, going to all fields. But that’s before he picked up the adult diapers that are probably advertised right behind home plate.

  116. Poteet
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#66): Amen re PV. I look forward to it every week. And I still say that Gawain could do worse than to end up with Outlaw Swordswoman, though she’d probably whack him if he tried his usual wooing style.

  117. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#113): It’s in Wikipedia; it must be true.

    @There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm (#112): So then Ron said, “Ok, Brian, now I get to be Dangerous Dan, and you be the lady known as Lou…”

  118. Horace Broon
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    DT: I’m assuming that the comedy value of a man who’s never changed facial expression in his life claiming “it wasn’t easy” to keep a straight face is intentional. (Honestly, even his fake grimace of pain looks little different from “grimly satisfied to see criminals coming to a sticky end”.)

    MT: “animals that live in the water are fish. Deal with it.” The Catholic Church, I believe, once declared that beavers were fish, so adherents could eat them on Friday. (Not that sort of “eating beaver”, you filthy filthy people.)

  119. gnome de blog
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Brian (#55):
    or Chinbeard’s doppelgänger over in Apartment 3-G.

  120. gnome de blog
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#110):
    As long as Ted gets to wear a bridesmaid dress, who cares?

  121. Poteet
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    FW — Even for a FW marching-band strip, this is remarkably stupid.

  122. Baka Gaijin
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#120): He has the dainty wrists for it.

  123. gnome de blog
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#57):
    Powell’s does mail-order, just like Amazon…only better, because it isn’t a giant soul-sucking machine. But nothing beats having it about eight minutes from my house. Not counting parking.

  124. bbofun
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#96): Re: DT- I’m certain that it happened on GET SMART- in fact, I have a pretty clear memory of it being a cliffhanger for a 2-parter (actually thinking it might have been an”epic” 3-parter- maybe the wedding episodes?).

    I’m also fairly sure it was used in one of THE NAKED GUN movies, with O.J.Simpson- later he was in a stadium in a wheelchair and got pushed down the steps, too.

    Oh, and apologies- I mis-identified Crankshaft as Funky in my earlier post. I feel suitably chagrined.

  125. tb4000
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    MT: “And those whales kill when float, so when you’re preparing your harpoon, make sure to provide Queequeg with ample time to assist.”

  126. tb4000
    August 19th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#125): I mean they float when killed. Damn Mark Trail ruining my gag.

  127. Droopy Says
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#124): The gurney-and-ambulance gag appeared in “Moonraker,” too.

  128. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#93):Yup, I know my ugly cars and early 50′s Buicks qualify.

  129. DAS
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    “Aristotle my ass: animals that live in the water are fish. Deal with it.”

    I believe we’d see those words in an MT/A3G cross-over. Following which Mark would punch Ari … well, for having facial hair. And then he’d have to punch himself … for using the word “ass”.

  130. Horace Broon
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y157):

    Oh, I like the “dish” version better. I’m generally fine with partial rhymes, but “fish/chips”? Good combination at the chip shop, bad combination in lyrics.

  131. commodorejohn
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#103): I’d say “The Cremation of Sam McGee” is a better choice, anyway.

    @bbofun (#124): Ah, Get Smart is quite possibly the one, if you’re correct. Or if it was the first Naked Gun

  132. Inkwell
    August 19th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure someone’s already mentioned it, but I’m sad to see Cul de Sac go. Apparently Mr. Thompson’s Parkinson’s Disease has become too much.

    I guess that’s the real sad part; his health has left him unable to do the thing he loves, or at least share it with the world. Whatever he does next in his life, I hope he’s happy. And I hope someday we’ll finally rid the world of Parkinson’s.

  133. Dr. Weird
    August 19th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#98):

    Maybe it’s just that where I’m from (very small town in rural Alberta) we’re more cynical and suspicious than Ohioans, but we tend to wonder a bit about people without children in the school inserting themselves forcefully into contact with students.

    Urgh… that gave me a vision of how Batiuk might handle a “Moral Panic” story… lots of vague, smirky assertions, several strips that end with people just gaping silently in the last panel and finally the principal (in a callback to his “leadership” during the “gay prom affair”) asserting that since there are rules against such things, it wouldn’t be allowed and is therefore not happening.

  134. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#98): What about a school janitor (Frazz) who has inserted himself into kids’ lives and who seems to take over their moral and intellectual guidance from teachers and parents? That wouldn’t be cool in Alberta, Ohio, or frankly, anywhere.

  135. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#130): There are numerous versions on Youtube, and they seem to all go with the chafing dish. They also go with the “porpoise, porgy an the other was me,” that you remember.

    But I also remember the chorus going, “Yo, ho, hee! The wind blows free,” and the internal rhyme there appeals to me. And “yo, ho, hee!” does sound rather jollier than “yo, ho, ho,” doesn’t it?

  136. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#135): It depends. Is the “yo ho ho” followed by a bottle of rum? Because that sounds pretty jolly to me.

  137. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 19th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#123): Oh, I’m so jealous! Combine Powell’s with a happy hour at that martini bar around there, and you have yourself a good afternoon.

  138. Baka Gaijin
    August 19th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#132): Cul de Sac is ending and yet other lesser strips [cough]FOOB[cough] won’t release their clutches on the comics page.

  139. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#136): Yo ho hee, and a cup of tea?

    // No, I suppose not.

  140. Thibault
    August 19th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#138): Agreed! I only recently discovered CdS, thanks to you all, and am heartbroken by its demise. I know that there are many artists out there ready to create comics of equal quality, but they’ll never get the chance because the zombies won’t open up the space. Poop.

  141. Artie
    August 19th, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    The capybara is a rodent that spends so much of its time in the water the Vatican has ruled it kosher during Lent.

  142. Little Guy
    August 19th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    PV: Special appearence cameo by Felicia Day.

  143. Peanut Gallery
    August 19th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy – I think it would be gently amusing to call up one’s bank and say “Hello, Bank?”

  144. Buck Ripsnort
    August 19th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    MT: Look at those grinning whales in the last panel. The right whale is trying to Turn His Frown Upside Down, w/ little success, while the blue whale’s smiling happily. Meanwhile, the sperm whale’s smiling for the obvious reason.

  145. Peanut Gallery
    August 19th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#56): An improvisational performance by members of various 1970′s disco nostalgia bands?

  146. MWDG
    August 19th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    MW: Two thoughts…The reporter reminds me of Walt Disney I hope to GOD that Dawn at least let one of the pilots get to third base.

    not realted to MW but please watch my youtube on the kangaroo escape in Germany…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUz8_9apwPw

  147. comicsgrl
    August 19th, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#96):

    would just like to mention another movie, Mother Jugs and Speed (1976) about Ambulance drivers, starring Raquel Welch and Bill Cosby. There was a scene where they lost control of a woman on a gurney while taking her town a flight of stairs and she went into traffic. I saw that movie when I was a kid on TV and I clearly remember that scene and nothing much else about the movie.

  148. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 19th, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @comicsgrl (#147):

    Also a seen like that in James Bond’s Moonraker

  149. Liam
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    FC-Daddy likes being one of those daddies who has a blonde secretary with big tits. If he ever wants to fuck her after work he just makes some vague excuse about having to work extra hours and you guys believe it.

  150. Ellie
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#57): Yikes, I was just kidding when I posted this:
    MT-in areas with a marked decrease in zooplankton, the Northern Right Whale can occasionally be observed launching its body out of the water in pursuit of a seagull. These desperate attempts to escape starvation are seldom successful.

    Whales don’t hunt seagulls, but the picture looks like that one is…

  151. Dale
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#68):

    I was going to argue that STFU is an initialism, not an acronym.
    But consider the following sentence. STFU,MF!
    You could, to people’s consternation, pronounce STFU. MF would still be an initialism.

  152. Liam
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    MW-Dawn and Wilbur are in trouble now. They can survive a ship sinking but can they survive one of Mary’s meddles.

  153. anon
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: The old bat appears well able to cough up for meals and airfare if she wants the Morgans to ‘check up’ on her long-distance slumlord apartment house. I would ask, too. Otherwise, it would be like one of those time-share scams where they offer you a “free cruise’ until you read the fine print and find out you will spend more than the trip is worth.

  154. sporknpork
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    So am I to assume one of those whales farted out a “Jack Elrod” bubble?

  155. Liam
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    A3G-He is breathtaking. No seriously I’m having trouble breathing here. Do you know the signs for a heart attack or a stroke?

    Barney Google and Snuffy Smith-It is a bunch weird chemicals mashed up together in some sort of pill form. It’s from the big city.

    Barney Google and Snuffy Smith 2-It’s something new called Viagra. The city folks claim it works wonders.

  156. Inkwell
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#138): Tell me about it. It’s infuriating enough with dinosaurs like Blondie that have no set story and can go on forever (but they shouldn’t). But FOOB laid out its story, told it over so many years, and concluded it… and Johnston is still too greedy to give it up.

    The good ones always die young.

  157. Liam
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    MT-Aristotle the Greek philosopher and not Aristotle the Greek crazy man who stands on the street corner telling anyone his half cocked theories about everything. It is important to distinguish the two.

  158. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#56): ”
    Knee length shorts popular in the 80′s, often cut from loud hawaiian print fabrics.

    “I’m wearing my jams today because its crazy hot.”

    Urban Dictionary – seems about right.

  159. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Of course we’re not reporting any casualties, as they’d get in the way of turning this kind of scandalous story of maritime incompetence into a human interest fluff piece. Take it for what it’s worth.”

    MT: Here’s hoping the zooplankton magically reappear where they’re supposed to be.
    (PS, Uncle Lumpy, are you Ishmael from Moby Dick?)

    FW: And massive cascades of water don’t do anything to muffle the wind instruments?

    SFx: It’s just occurred to the redhead in the top panels that this guy with his plug-in engagement ring might be a little too kinky for her tastes.

    Luann: You could also call it “hypocritical girl”, recent history taken into consideration.

    S-M: On the bright side, sweeping up after the elephants might give him a chance to discover his true talent.

    BRSG: Well, going alphabetically the exit would bring you to The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee, so at the very least you’re saving yourself some ennui by staying on this side.

    GA: Please tell me she’s not supposed to be Asian.

    Shoe: Why does Roz look so shocked at the end? Because her short term memory lapses caused her to forget what strained metaphor they were using.

    RMMD: Rex’s inner monologue, “Holy cow! Melissa just turned green! I should probably do something, but med school was so long ago.”

    HtH: I never knew that Hagar’s father was a mountain dwelling hermit. Let me guess. His descendant advises Ziggy, right? Talk about an august bloodline.

    H&L: I like that Trixie imagines doing that little finger-pistol thing while she walks. Talk about your reach exceeding your grasp.

    OBH: I’m starting to worry about Rick Detorie’s obsession with crows. What are we supposed to gather from three of them shitting on a road sign in the throwaway panel?

    PBS: Careful, Rat. Bill Engvall could sue you for poaching his “here’s your sign” idea.

  160. pastordan
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#158): You sure those weren’t Zubas? But 80′s, 90′s, it sounds about right.

  161. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#96):

    PV – I admire a man who sticks to his principles to his own disadvantage, Val, but if this keeps up you may need to hire your own swordswoman.

    Or take hormones and start calling himself “Princess Valerie.”

  162. Pucacodog
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#158): IIRC, Calvin used to wear Jams all the time in “C & H” strips.

  163. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#160): I vaguely recall that back then knee length baggy colorful shorts were part of skateboard culture on the West coast, and were known as jams. (It may have originated in surfer culture – as much s.b. stuff did.) And we know that Archie seems to be reworking 1980s stuff these days.

  164. demoncat
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    mw. ians eyes and expression over the news of wilbur and dawn surviving is saying confounded it they had a chance to be free from mary and now they are stuck like the rest of us. as toby sits near him in shock that soon wilbur and dawn will wind up with another talking to by mary for getting into a ship wreck

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @Pucacodog (#162): As Capt. Spaulding said, “How that elephant got into my jams, I’ll never know.”

  166. Peanut Gallery
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#74):

    MT-I see Right Whales but where are the Left Whales and the Wrong Whales.

    The Obtuse Whales are bigger, but wouldn’t you rather look at Acute Whale?

  167. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#166): Orthogonal whales mostly emigrated to Israel, where they hang out at the whaling wall.

  168. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    So this lady whale walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Why so blue?”
    And she says, I’m looking for Mr. Right, but all I see is a lot of sperm, and a few bottle noses.

  169. Peanut Gallery
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @mstgator (#85): OF COURSE THEY HAVE THE SHIFT ON* THOSE OLD CODGERS DO EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPS.

  170. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#167): Do you think Mark will include Porsche whale-tails next time? I hope so. They’re my favorite.

  171. Peanut Gallery
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#168): Then she sighs and says, it’s almost closing time, maybe I’ll just settle for a humpback again.

  172. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#171): Wasn’t Humpback Girl a big hit for No Doubt? Oh sorry, that was Hollaback Girl.

  173. Poteet
    August 19th, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#98): @Dr. Weird (#133): In Becky, we have a band director who is perfectly willing to hose down her students in spite of potential injuries and instrument damage, but apparently thinks all she can do if a random unqualified person wants to insert herself into what is presumably a school sponsored event is to wring her hands and whimper and whine to her husband at night. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh.

    As a number of eloquent and acerbic Mudges pointed out during the highly-annoying gay-couple-at-the-prom brouhaha, real schools have policies. Detailed policies. Written down. Understood and communicated to everyone. So that if some staff member’s mother decides to waltz in and cause trouble, the school can refer to the policies. I’ll say one thing for Batiuk — he makes real life look much, much better.

  174. mollificent
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#95): I’ve performed “The Cremation of Sam McGee” to the melody of “Paddy’s Green Shamrock Shore”. It works perfectly (especially with the slightly creepy, Mixolydian flavor of the melody.)

  175. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Ellie (#150): Ha—sometimes my environmental empathy trumps my sense of humor.

    (Also, I read today’s Cul de Sac and laughed out loud—and then got a little teary-eyed.)

  176. Sgt. Stoned
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif: The various treatments for erectile dysfunction in Hootin Holler.

    DTM: “I like my 1973 Chevy Impala just fine.”

  177. pastordan
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#163): Oh yeah, now I remember what you’re talking about. Of course, we always assumed anyone who wore those would have bloodshot eyes and a vicious lust for Doritos.

  178. Cloudbuster
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#172): That would explain the whale song recordings on the vocal track. What? That’s not whale song? Oh, excuse me. She’s um, very talented. I’m sure her mother is proud.

  179. Chance
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): I thought it was funny. It didn’t take itself seriously at all. It knew what it was. A goofy comedy.

  180. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#174): So this musician walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Can you mixolydian?”
    “Sorry. You know this isn’t a gay bar, right?”

  181. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Chance (#179): It didn’t take itself seriously at all. It knew what it was. A goofy comedy.

    That was at least part of my problem with it. They were always laughing at their own jokes, like the third panel of a BGSS comic strip. “Look how funny we are!” That sort of thing gets tiresome. Quickly. In a certain way, comedy is supposed to take itself seriously.

    Compare it to something like Airplane, where the gags (usually really dumb gags) are delivered with machine gun speed, but nobody on the screen cracks a smile. That, to my mind, works.

    // Maybe I should give Hudson H. another c., but I distinctly remember my revulsion with it at the time.

  182. commodorejohn
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#161): Aleta may have a few choice words about that plan.

  183. Peanut Gallery
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#180):
    “Are there any more beers in the Phrygian?”
    “No, and don’t call me Ian.”
    “Fine. Don’t let the Dorian hit you in the ass on the way out.”

  184. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#181): …like the third panel of a BGSS comic strip…

    With the Court’s permission, I would like it noted for the record that I have actually mentioned a comic strip on this blog today.

    // And that should do me for the rest of the week. Slide rules, anyone?

  185. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    So, this modern Mixolydian walks into a bar, and asks the bartender if there’s any chance for some action. “What kind of action are you looking for?” asked the bartender.
    “Well, you see, I’m a dominant chord…”

  186. This Guy
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#98): At my high school, members of the band boosters–who were one and all parents of band members–often helped the marching band with setup and equipment and chaperoning on trips. It may not shock you in any way at all to learn that they did not spend their time bullying the band director.

  187. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#181): When Hudson Hawk was released Bruce Willis wore such a permanent self-satisfied smug smirk that he would have been right at home in a Batiuk strip. That was a big part of the movie’s failure. Some guys (George Clooney) can carry that off. Willis couldn’t.

  188. Chaze
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#186): In my high school, all the parent drama and bullying centered around the color-guard. Evidently young woman and their moms can be very competitive. Go figure.

  189. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#188): What do you mean by “color guard”? There must be more to it than standing at attention while the flag is raised or lowered. They do fancy marching? Tricky rifle twirling?

    // Seriously. I know what a color guard is in the military – I didn’t know that high schools got into it these days. As a competitive sport? And girls are into this?

    // Minced oath!

  190. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: There is something that bugs me about that “Reporting live from the Italian coast…” line. Italy has a lot of coast line. Isn’t that a little like “reporting live from the Midwest”? You’d think they would be a little more specific.

    // Dateline: Italian Coast!

  191. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#27): We have a Barnes & Noble with a used section. It’s right by the flagship Wegman’s. (God, I love saying that.)

    @TheDiva (#41): Not only that, but Luann is agonizing over whether to imitate Tiff or Crys.

    @billman (#102): …they’re launched out of an ambulance somehow and keep accelerating along a flat road
    Huh. That was a cliffhanger on the Batman TV show. It was Bruce Wayne in a gurney, with his arms strapped down.

    @Dale (#151): But consider the following sentence. STFU,MF!
    You’d better be saying motherfucker, because we have standards here.

  192. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#23): I’d have thought “self-popping-out” would have been the appropriate power.
    I decided in 1975 or 6 that Power Girl’s [girl] power was defying gravity. That’s when Wallace Wood (he preferred the formal form) was inking the comic and making her a little larger in each succeeding issue.

  193. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    3G“And this guy is nothing short of breathtaking!”
    Carla’s excited because this guy is exactly what she looks for: he’s breathing!

  194. tallyHO
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#159):

    SFx: It’s just occurred to the redhead in the top panels that this guy with his plug-in engagement ring might be a little too kinky for her tastes.

    Well, kinky I can understand. It is the fact that the ring is plugged into a wall outlet and the bugged out look on her face and the puff of her hair make it look as if the electrocution is beginning. Let’s just say, this was not the best way to propose and probably wouldn’t meet the standards of any one who would wish to have a memorable proposal.

    If just one of the variations had a cord that was plugged in while the others did not, I would have laughed, but all of them have that element.

    Like I wrote above, last night, I didn’t even bother to figure out the main cartoon mystery because that Comparo-Strip at the top is too bizarre.

  195. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Close – It’s funny, because it has the words “mother-in-law” in it!!!

  196. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#185):
    I am the very model of a modern Mixolydian
    I’ve intonation paramese, mese and harmonian

  197. tallyHO
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#190):

    Has either Dawn or Wilbur made an appearance since they were left shivering on the rocky shore?

    Since then it has been All Mary, All The Time.

    There’s a very good chance that in the time Wilburawn* were on vacation, Mary, with her newfound position at a newspaper (rag) has tried to essentially manufacture news for her condo compound. It isn’t too far-fetched that the disjointed reactions of Mary and the couple are because somebody knows this might all be a lie.

    Seriously, look at the mustache on that guy and tell me if that is spouting the news you can trust. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s the Condo fix-it-man with some dippty do in his hair, and like someone else mentioned, he is using the microphone to cover up something on his face. **

    *I know it is wrong, but it is easier than adding a conjunctive and the letter D. (which would be quicker than writing an explanation, in the short term. In the long term, that may be what we see on Wilburawn’s Tombstones.)

    **If none of these things and more were ever mentioned, we’d all have to admit just how boring Mary Worth actually is, right?

  198. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#182): Admittedly that course of action could have drawbacks.

  199. Poteet
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — Again with the water obsession. Some of us prefer to love August on dry land, fully clothed.

  200. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    Gas Lola Alley – Whoa! Any second now, the plubisher of MUD, Hugh Heffer, will tap me on the broccoli.

  201. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#196): Thank goodness Mollificent and Muffaroo are here to explain that. I’m pretty sure my Mel Bay books didn’t get that far.

  202. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Mary“And if not for the excellent work of the rescue team…”
    “…the Minnow would be lost. The Minnow would be lost!!”

    (I kind of hurried through some of the comments and may have missed it where a dozen people already said that.)

  203. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers“Plugger telemarketing.”
    Paraphrased: A plugger’s telephone is a patch of weeds by the county road.

  204. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#203): (for some reason)

  205. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#190): Come to think of it, yeah. Italy’s a peninsula, so you’ve got plenty of coasts to choose from. It’s almost like he’s being intentionally vague.

  206. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy (yesterthread) – The Power Girl cover reminds me of this El Santo movie I have where there’s this “Good” woman with huge tomatoes who wears a white feathery outfit and is mostly boring, and there’s the “Bad” woman with huge tomatoes (played by the same tomatoes) who wears a black outfit and is interesting as all getout. She does this character-developing evil dance and turns into animals and stuff. El Santo, meanwhile, seems to spend the whole movie going down this big, steamy hot river while wearing his leather mask. The cover doesn’t remind me of him at all.

    ps: I used the term “tomatoes” there before I read the Snuffy Smith strip you linked to. What a coinky dink!

  207. Finger Quoting Marko
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail – Nothing to say about the comic itself, but “Aristotle my ass” is my new favorite sexual euphemism.

  208. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 19th, 2012 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    Crunchbird, my Aristotle!

  209. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#203): So is his restroom. Pluggers multitask at the worst possible times.

  210. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail—(well, the version Unca Lumpy has above)

    In the last panel with its whale showcase:

    I thought the label that is second from the top said BLUR WHALE.

    Looking at the smaller ‘hatched drawing beneath it I was like, Yeah. I can see that. Barely.

    Also, Where’s the Norwhales, Mark Trail?

    I’ve heard about those handy dandy shark poking wha-nimals.
    And, please, no promises of future one-horned wonders that you will get around to showing us.

    What do want?!

    Norwhales!

    When do we want them?

    Now!

  211. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#200): I’m convinced that this Gocomics offering is the actual GA strip. It looks exactly like what Slim would see and hear after taking that well-deserved ax-blow to the head. That one blur might even be the damaged ax itself.

  212. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: Love it when Jameson blows smoke up Parker’s ass. Don’t tell me that’s Parker’s face, okay?

    Flunky Wankerbean: “–and then I replaced her birth control pills with jelly beans, and after she got pregnant–wait, that couldn’t work with you and your husband . . . ”

    Jugs Parker: Standing around, doing nothing. That makes fishing the ideal sport for this strip.

    Mock Trail: So despite all her experience Cherry will leave Rusty alone again. What, Doc is there? Same thing.

    Mary Mirthless: Dawn smiles as she recalls the scene at the life boats: the child she threw overboard, the little old lady Wilbur trampled, her fistfight with with the steward, the ironic discovery that none of the lifeboats were seaworthy. But that story she and the other survivors concocted after their rescue–everyone has bought into it. Any moment now Sam Driver will call and help her arrange a book and movie deal.

  213. Baka Gaijin
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    @MWDG (#Y146): OMG! That’s so funny! Dawn! Pilot! Third base! Pass the brain bleach.

  214. Oregonian
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night with a sudden, intense craving to hear Meat Loaf sing “I’d Do Anything for Love”?

    I can now report that I have had that experience.

  215. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth:

    Sorry, Mare!
    Serving up a delicacy of Twinkie Stump Casserole isn’t going to provide the adrenaline rush your comic needs.

    While I’m less than pleased at this turn of events, an entire comic strip devoted to a moment at dinner which provides nothing newer than the freaked out expression of Mary in panel two, I’ll gracefully step aside and partake of more Snuffy Smif, thanks.

  216. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    A3G:

    I think we missed the best part. His hair probably waved Hello to Margo.

    Holy What The Heck to everyone!

  217. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    More Ruffled Ruminations from Mistopher Trendy:

    For Pete’s Sake.

    Yes, indeed. I do worry about ol’ Pete. We wuz chums back when we’s a skippin’ school ta go ta the fishin’ hole. Now we usually didn’t catch one a single fish. We usually didn’t catch a bunch. What we did do was spy on the parson as he was baptizin’ the ladies. And, by baptizin’, I mean they went a skinny dippin’!

    That was a sight ta behold, watchin’ him hold ‘em. Pete and I usta joke that good thing that collar was shrink proof, cuz the rest of that ol’ dog was more wrinkled when he got out than when he went in.

    The ladies, mostly widders and homely ones, seemed a might happier for that laying o’ the hands.

    You woulda thought that when he saw him around town it might be might awkward but the parsons down here in the Holler, know that if’n they ain’t behind the pulpit, it is best to talk low. So he would a tip his hat or hold it out for a tip. But, he was smart enough ta not be a flirtin’.

    Now Pete and I don’t socialize much anymore. We parted ways like ol’ Mose unzippin’ the waters. Last I heard of him he ran afoul o’ the law. Apparently, he was thievin’ chickens. Well, once I heard about that. I was up in arms. That was mah terr’tory. I was the cock o’ the coop and if’n any copper was ta catch me then it was only because my heistin’ was hasty and I laid an egg.

    But, competition!

    Now, if Pete done asked me if’n he could share in my chicken riches, I might spare him some. Heck, I might’ve even taken him under mah wings and convinced him that the pigs are the real prize.

    He asked me ta testify for ‘im. To talk ‘em outta lettin’ ‘im go. I thought about it for a bit. I figured out what I might say for onna mah oldest pals.

    I would say, Give Pete’s a chance!

    Well, wouldn’t ya know. I done laffed mah self silly for so long I missed his hearin’!

    Pete don’t talk to me none. I reckon that’s alright. It’s for Pete’s sake.

  218. Poteet
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    JP — I have to do this to try to get it out of my brain.

    “This has been quite a day, hasn’t it, Sam?”
    “Yes, watching you was a thrill! You’re an ace with a rod, Avery!”
    “You’re buttering me up!”
    “It’s nice to see your passion!”

    Nope, didn’t help.

  219. bats :[
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:10 am [Reply]

  220. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Mary Mirthless: Ian? Here are some ancient words of wisdom, recorded on wooden tablets and encountered by travelers in the mysterious midwest:

    “It’s so cheap

    “That what the heck,

    “Even the Scotch

    “Now shave the neck.

    “Burma Shave.”

  221. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#218): You think that’s bad? Monday’s Pluggers conjures a vision of Pluggers avidly peering at one another’s backsides in an effort to learn their waist measurements. “Ha-ha, Andy Bear, I’ve got six inches on you! Guess that’s why all your kids look like dogs!”

  222. zzzzzzzzz
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    zzzzzzzzz

  223. Poteet
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:41 am [Reply]

  224. gnome de blog
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#137):
    I don’t drink any more but I’ll buy you one next time you pass this way. And don’t forget the gelato place across the street from Powell’s, too.

  225. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#57): What’s truly dangerous about Powells is that they will ship. I used to be able to restrain my purchases with the thought of having to lug them through several airports, and then I learned about their shipping option. Dooooooom…

  226. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#68): Agreed. Don’t like doing dishes? Then learn to cope with someone else’s definition of what “clean” looks like. If you can’t, at least admit that it’s your own decision to take on the role of Dishwashing Guru.

    (This is why I do the laundry and scrub the bathroom… while happily letting the garbage pile up and shamefacedly evading the hints that the dishwasher needs emptying.)

  227. Dale
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:02 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#191):

    If you have standards, then you need a color guard, (see #188 & 189, above).

  228. Chaze
    August 20th, 2012 at 6:01 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#189): Sorry about the delayed response. Yes, color guard is a group of young ladies who march in front of the band in formation with flags and dummy rifles. During pageants of bands, they have their own field competition. The plum position, of course, is yelling orders at everyone, kinda like real life. Like Little League and cheerleading, parents often ruin it for kids and advisors.

  229. bats :[
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#155): no, no…it’s Ian who’s having a stroke.

  230. Oregonian
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Is it too late to say that the six faces of Ian should be called “the gapes of wrath”?

    I think somebody farted around gape #4.

  231. Jeff Soesbe (yeff)
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Note that the distance between home plate and the pitching mound appears to be, oh, about ten feet. It’s the maximal distance that Crankshaft can throw a beanball and still have it cause pain and (maybe) injury.

    - yeff

  232. A Mindful Webworker
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Substitute Teacher Lumpy! Didn’t you get the tweet? Uncle Josh left a message that you’re supposed to do TWO posts a day ’til he gets back. Seriously.

  233. GeorgiaBoy
    August 21st, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    Ian has the ability to make his chest hair appear and disappear at will. Ian is cool.

  234. WP Social Press Review
    August 27th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    That, plus the added benefits and customization abilities that come with your
    own wordpress blog for example, makes the paid option a no-brainer for anyone that can afford it.

    Hence, a typical blogger is at good ease generating uncomplicated
    adjustments by way of a control panel, obtaining a uncomplicated interface, as an alternative of messing with the actual Word –
    Press programming. Go to – – and enter in one of your main keywords related to your niche.

    my blog post – WP Social Press Review

  235. yql4omfx1i9
    January 8th, 2014 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
    ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
    ????????????????????????????
    ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

    http://www.infart.se/ragg/iphone/iphone=case096564433118721.asp iphone5 ?? ???
    http://www.infart.se/ragg/iphone/iphone=case096564433118726.asp iphone??? ????
    http://www.infart.se/ragg/iphone/iphone=case09656443311879.asp iphone ??? ??

Comments are closed for this post.