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It’s the end of the world as they know it

Apartment 3-G, 8/20/12

Under the terms of a 2005 bar bet between Apartment 3-G writer Margaret Shulock and artist Frank Bolle, Bolle buys the drinks whenever Shulock traps him into drawing something or somebody new, and Shulock buys when Bolle slips the trap. Now comes Margo’s “breathtaking”, “gorgeous” new client Greg Cooper.

I hope Frank doesn’t have any early meetings tomorrow.

Pardon My Planet, 8/20/12

Oh, is that what those are?

Also, the guy is apparently texting “STD TGIF SOP”, which I think means he’s looking forward to contracting a venereal disease tonight like he does every Friday?

Pluggers, 8/20/12

The First Axiom, “pluggers are obese” is here revealed as inconsistent with the Second Axiom, “pluggers have no shame.” The Pluggers universe will now explode in a hail of lipids and self-hatred. Don’t stand too close.

– Uncle Lumpy

250 responses to “It’s the end of the world as they know it”

  1. Ian Beste
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    PMP Eyes, yeah, but what about those purple antennae?

  2. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    Pardon My Planet-

    She is on a date with the Riddler. By texting instead of conversing with her, he’s probably being intentionally vexing. He’s the Riddler.

  3. sporknpork
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    Why does that plugger have a framed picture of a Studebaker teetering on the summit of a mountain? Is it to fondly remember his human prey that he stole those clothes from?

  4. Comcis Fan
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#3): I don’t think it’s a Studebaker on a mountain. I think it’s a portrait of Plugger’s Mother.

  5. balcon
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    Not to nitpick, but only US made Levi’s have a real leather patch on the back. This leads to a contradiction:no Plugger will buy anything made outside the USA, but no Plugger would spend more than $5 on a garment.

  6. Borborygmy
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#206): …this El Santo movie I have where there’s this “Good” woman with huge tomatoes who wears a white feathery outfit and is mostly boring, and there’s the “Bad” woman with huge tomatoes (played by the same tomatoes) who wears a black outfit and is interesting as all getout.

    Would that be El Santo and the Vampire Women? I think it’s terrible that you go objectifying women by referring to the size of their “tomatoes”. As I recall, they had remarkably large, well shaped Aristotles as well.

  7. Comcis Fan
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur and Dawn went to Europe, ate fresh vegetables, went on a cruise, were saved from disaster from said sinking cruise ship and returned to Charterstone to a meal of tater tots, decorated with an Easter hat, faster than the police got to that diner to save Emily Smith from her kidnapper — heck, faster than Emily Smith got her rainbow swirl ice cream.

  8. BigTed
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    Say what you will about “gorgeous” Greg, you’ve got to admire the way he’s been drawn as Rock Hudson from the side and Keanu Reeves from the front.

  9. BigTed
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    The only thing worse than your date staring at your boobs, apparently, is noticing that he still uses a 2005-era keyboard phone.

  10. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    @balcon (#5): I thought I had read somewhere that Levis no longer manufactures jeans in the US. But Wiki says, “Today, most Levi’s jeans are made outside the US, though a few of the higher end, more expensive styles are still made in the U.S.”

    Which means, of course, that they would NOT be the ones purchased by pluggers.

  11. BigTed
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    @balcon (#5): I think when a plugger says “Levi’s,” he really means “Costco.”

  12. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    Ballard St.: “Uncle Freddy” is quite the sophisticate, isn’t he, with his pink frilly shirt and bling?

    Argyle Sweater and Bizarro: Is this the Singularity?

  13. Mr. O'Malley
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:55 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#10): Apparently the US-made Levi’s are difficult to get and are priced so high that it is hard to see why anyone would buy them. There have been accusations that they are only made (in small quantities) to deflect criticism about closing their US factories. The Levi’s sold in stores are not US-made.

    Back in 1991 there was a scandal about Levi Strauss and other big-name US clothing manufacturers making product in the Northern Mariana Islands. The islands are US territory, hence the product could be marked “Made in USA”, but the islands were exempt from US labor regulations. But nowadays Levi Strauss claims to inspect their subcontractors to ensure humane working conditions, and the Marianas operation has been dropped.

    Levi Strauss lost money throughout most of the 2000s. They managed to become profitable again in the last few years.

    Selling jeans to Pluggers is a tough business.

  14. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:03 am [Reply]

    A Plugger’s “higher math” is his waist size.

  15. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:15 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#13): Back in 1991 there was a scandal about Levi Strauss and other big-name US clothing manufacturers making product in the Northern Mariana Islands. The islands are US territory, hence the product could be marked “Made in USA”, but the islands were exempt from US labor regulations.

    I remember that. “Near slave labor” conditions. And a guy named Jack Abramoff bought a good chunk of the US Congress in order to keep the exemptions. Good times!

  16. Alison
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:51 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#2):
    Between this and “Dick Tracy” from a few days back, that Riddler has been a busy guy! I hope he pops up in “Luann” this week too. Riddle me this: why is a supposedly experienced businesswoman letting some drip of an employee talk her into decorating Weenie World like a giant tourist trap?

    Also, I hate how all the women in “Pardon My Planet” have that same super-short, vaguely Flock-of-Seagulls hairstyle. Or is it supposed to be the same woman in all the strips? If so she sure goes out on a lot of bad dates.

  17. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:01 am [Reply]

    Scary Gary: This Creepy Little Girl thing could complicate stuff. Anyway, did Leopold finally manage to break up with the 50 Foot Tall Woman?

  18. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:08 am [Reply]

    Luann: No, ya idjit, I’m sure this kind of thing does come up in “business school,” or at least in your employer’s training seminars. “Check any innovations with the home office” and “don’t endanger the corporate image” and “run a background check on any suspicious employees” look pretty obvious. Kinda like “dress appropriately, and save the skank-ho look for after you lose your job.”

  19. sporknpork
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:17 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#4): I’m know you’re right, but my Rorschach senses keep tingling.

  20. Liam
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:46 am [Reply]

    Curtis-WTF? Oh come on. “Mary Worth” doesn’t even get this self congratulatory.

    FW-Then I would tie her up, driver her out to the middle of nowhere, and leave her there.

    MT-And what merit badge is this? Is Doc teaching you how to make meth?

    MW-And getting tired of writing the drek of “Wilbur and Dawn’s Italian Vacation” the writer just decided to advance the story to the point where the vacation is over and the duo has come home. Now we shall be forced to reread the accounts of the sinking of the cruise ship and nothing else of their vacation while Mary speaks in platitudes.

    Pluggers-That’s a federal crime. You’re not allowed to remove the tag from pants. Pluggers are notorious law breakers.

    RMMD-I’m a doctor. I’ve got sick patients that I need to at least pretend I’m interested in.

    Slylock Fox-Slylock hates the mayfly and is hoping that the drink is poisonous.

  21. Liam
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    MW-Remember the scene at the lifeboats. Do you remember the guy’s that I bashed in with a fire extinguisher?

  22. John C Fremont
    August 20th, 2012 at 6:19 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#y214): So sorry to hear that. Can we get you anything?

    Now see, this is why I don’t read Pardon My Planet.

    She should have just asked him what he was doing so he could answer, “Texting. It’s very important, or I would stop.” Then he’d get off on a tangent about how the fish rots from the head, and then he’d get in a tussle with Nathan Fillion. It wouldn’t end well.

    Sorry. I’ve got to stop doing that.

  23. gleeb
    August 20th, 2012 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    Slylock: As much as he hates raccoons, Slylock still has a vertebrate bias. If there’s a chance of poisoning, it’ll be a sentient fly he dooms.

    3-G: Which man? The generic dark-haired Apartment 3-G fella there?

    Between Coffeeshops: Oh, spit. Again with the decaf? That tears it; I’m not reading any more of this childish woman and her eternal coffee woes.

    ‘bean: I guess we’re going to have another week of band crap.

    Sam & Avery Go Fishing: Book deal? This was supposed to be about a movie deal. The writers have slowed the narrative so much, they can’t remember what’s going on.

    Phantom: “Where is the Ghost? It’s like he abandoned the country months ago!”

  24. Vee
    August 20th, 2012 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Now I am, thankfully, not an expert on Plugger anatomy. However…when your legs appear to be the same size as your arms, wouldn’t they have trouble supporting your socially unacceptable bulk?

  25. Mibbitmaker
    August 20th, 2012 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    PMP: Ha ha, it’s funny because how DARE we like breasts (depends on the ammount and persistence of the ogling, to be fair)! Also, texting.

    Pluggers: The culture of cruel, smug jokes against the overweight (and subset: overweight Americans) has gotten so bad that even pluggers, of all people, are being psychologically affected by it.
    – I assume Leno is as bad as Dave, Conan, and at least one Jimmy on the subject.

    A3G: Hey, looks like we once again have a unique male character, this time a guy whose hair goes more forward than even John Edwards’s does, and is even more creepily smooth, with a face like an especially leering Lyle Waggoner. WHOOPS! — nope, just another black-haired Dan Quayle. I still don’t know why Bolle thinks that guy’s such a versatile comic strip actor that he play all the men!

  26. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 20th, 2012 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    MT.1: I assume Rusty’s merit badge is for “getting kidnapped.”

    MT.2: Cherry: “What about you, Doc? Want to come with? I should note here that if you come with me, the odds of Rusty being abducted by the sheep killers–slash–camera thieves will increase exponentially.”
    Doc: “I’ll get my coat!”

    JP: Really, is there any other way to read this than as a sex-scene prelude?

    MW: You know, no matter how great a vacation is, it’s always so wonderful to come home to a meal of good ole beige lumps.

  27. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 20th, 2012 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    The first Todd the Dinosaur to ever make me crack a smile:

    http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Todd&feature_date=2012-08-20

    Not safe for Baka Gaijin!

  28. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#y219): Best. Toeby. Ever.

  29. Mibbitmaker
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    A Beetle Amongst the Brookes

    9CL: Nope, nothing like that still ever happens in real life. And 9CL is most definately not real life!

    BBailey: Sarge is worried that Beetle’s penis is going to die.

    Glibporn, Comic: By panel:
    1) ‘Seinfeld yell’ (as I call it): NO THORAX! NO THORAX! (thankfully, we don’t see or hear him)
    2) Enough with the naked dude!
    3) Even Brooke’s characters are tired of this crap.

    Glibporn, Comment: “What on earth was I thinking?” and the cartoonist being an idiot apply to just about all Pibgorn… and 9CL.
    Brooke is his own beefwit!

  30. Snarkotix Addict
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Holy What-the-Heck!”
    I’ve got to start using that in conversations. We have staff meeting this morning – this is gonna be great!
    “Holy What-the-Heck!”

  31. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#18):

    “Check any innovations with the home office” and “don’t endanger the corporate image” and “run a background check on any suspicious employees” look pretty obvious.

    Why go to the trouble of a background check – simply checking the address on his employment application would have revealed that her new go-getter is the roommate of the slacker idiot she had to fire when his girlfriend showed up after hours and threatened her. Which might have given her some insight as to why he took it so personally when she was going to sue the parents of that street urchin who bit her.

    But as for unauthorized marketing campaigns – you would hope that anything adding little toothpicks into the food they serve would be a big red flag.

    But here I go applying logic. Wow, isn’t TJ hi-larious? Oh, the antics and capers and japes! Once he makes that smile and starts slinging that bullshit and smashing the drywall with a sledgehammer, noone can resist him!! I’m just glad he is a Good Guy, or that stuff might get annoying.

  32. Snarkotix Addict
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    GT – Hmm… Panel 3… that face… familiar… Rusty? Rusty Trail? Is that you?

    Crankshaft – Go inside, you old fool!

  33. wossname
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    MT – “Do you want come along?” sounds like an offer from a pidgin-English-speaking hooker.

    MT2 – What’s that paper in Cherry’s hand? Are we to assume she printed out the picture, so the bad guys can snatch it out of her hand, instead of just e-mailing it to the wildlife officials like any sensible person would do? Wait, I think I just answered my own question.

    Curtis – “FINEEE” could only be pronounced fi-NEE. I think the word you’re looking for is FIIIINE.

    MW – The only thing we’re still waiting for to wind up this arc is for Dawn to announce that life is not brutal and nothing reminds her of Dave any more. Tomorrow, maybe?

  34. pugfuggly
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    A3G “That is one gorgeous man! Just look at him up there, clinging to the ceiling!”

    FW “Second, I poisoned her water bottle. And that was it, pretty much.”

    MT Rusty’s working on his solo fishing badge…alone, sniff sniff….

    MW “So did you go and see Giorgio after you were saved?”
    “Hmm, come to think of it, no we didn’t. Strange, since we still had lots of time left in our vacation and I’m sure we could have used the rest. Oh well.”

  35. nescio
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Go ahead and leave the tag on. You had to have the salesperson help you find your size. Other Pluggers aren’t going to be able to count that high either.

  36. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#33):

    Tomorrow, maybe?

    Wind up the arc tomorrow?

    Hahahahahahahahahaha

    ((breath))

    Hahahahahahahahahaha!

    (Hey, and welcome back!)

  37. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    9CL – Forget the plot, what we all want to know is (snicker!) is that guy (chortle!) still watching ‘Gilligan’s Island’? Because that is hilarious! ‘Gilligan’s Island’ – can you imagine!? I hope that isn’t just a one-off joke and that we can continue to mine it for laffs for many weeks to come. Imagine! Going home to watch ‘Gilligan’s Island’, and letting some guy you hardly know play your solo at the concert!

    I know, I know, the clock is running. Edda hasn’t had anything more serious than some dry-humping for hours now, and is sure to run amok through the audience fucking chairs, hats, canes, anything she can cram into her vagina, until she finally sees Amos and bolts out of the theater like a molting yak, and we get to reset the plot all over again.

  38. pugfuggly
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    @balcon (#5):

    no Plugger will buy anything made outside the USA, but no Plugger would spend more than $5 on a garment.

    I’m sure modern-day pluggers have just convinced themselves that the names ‘China’ and ‘The Philippines’ on the labels of their $5 Walmart garments are just counties in Nebraska.

  39. Mibbitmaker
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    New PCK Enter(tainment edi)torial is now up!

    Conan having troubles while NBC executive is being a jerk. No, not from 2010 — from 1995!

  40. Little Guy
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Curtis: “MAAAAAAAAAA!!!! President Obama is {redacted to cockpit} for no good reason!!!!!!

  41. nescio
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Love Is: The guy at the other table seems happy enough checking out her nude behind.

    Slylock Fox: The mayfly said, “No, I’m not participating in an experiment! I’ve only got a few hours to get laid before I die!”

  42. Mr. Ray
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    A3G: A little hair flip at the front turns you into an irresistible sex magnet, no question. This is why Mark Trail slicks down his hair so vigorously.

  43. Dennis Jimenez
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    A3G – That’s some snappy dialog – but couldn’t they have worked in the weather….

    PMP – If they are the windows to your soul, I’m just not seeing it….

    Pluggers – Of course under federal law, he must replace it with a Wide Load banner and a Slow Moving Vehicle triangle….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  44. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#33): Curtis – “FINEEE” could only be pronounced fi-NEE. I think the word you’re looking for is FIIIINE.

    Well, thank you. That is doubtless what was intended. I was wondering what fi-NEE meant – figured it was urban slang I hadn’t heard before. // And why not?

  45. Baleen Blue
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MW: Wow. Wilbur really can’t stomach any expression of negativity at all, not if it’s true, and not even if its a necessary part of telling a good story. Is it because he’s just that concerned about the delicate sensibilities of others — or because he himself is only ever 30 seconds away from washing down a bottle of oxy-blues with a fifth of bottom-shelf gin and lying back in bed to listen to that mix-tape Abby Evans gave him back in college and see how far he can smoke his way through a carton of non-filter Jacks?

  46. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    MT: Rusty was all in an uproar about the vicious sheep killers. But now that is time to be an actual witness he has better things to do. Can you say hearsay.

  47. Dennis Jimenez
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @balcon (#5): Oh please – a Plugger always buys his wardrobe at WalMart (and all garments are made in China or the Pacific Rim). Thus the old advice – feeling down? Want to feel slim, stylish, clever? Go spend an afternoon at WalMart….

  48. The Ghost of Jarrod
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#26):

    JP: Absolutely not. This is the most homoerotic outdoors-themed story arc since “Brokeback Mountain.”

    LuAnn: THAT IS NOT HOW FAST FOOD COMPANIES WORK.

    PBS: Oddly, I think I’ve had this exact conversation.

    MT: “Killers?” the deer thought.

  49. Oregonian
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#22): It was a rough night, but I’m doing better now, thanks.

    My sweetie needed help getting ready for her first day in a new job this morning, but – exhausted or not – I still didn’t miss my daily installment of Mary Worth.

    I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.

  50. Downpuppy
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#2): He’s not the Riddler, he’s Bing Crosby. And he’s not looking at her boobs, he’s checking the bill, before he sticks her with it.

  51. Digger
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    So as Margo is caught off guard by the rare sight of a man who isn’t blond, she…AAAAHH, A PLUGGER IN HIS UNDERWEAR!!!! Dear God, it’s early Monday morning! There goes my week to hell.

  52. Marc
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail- So on Saturday Cherry tells Rusty to stay put at the cabin while she takes the pictures to the wildlife people and Rusty petitions to make sure he gets all the credit. Now today she reiterates that she is going to take the pictures to the wildlife people and this time invites Rusty along, but now he’s too busy. After all that glue huffing merit badge won’t earn itself.

    Mary Worth- “Hey remember when we almost died? That was a good memory. Don’t forget Dawn, the past is only how you remember it. So I’ll thank you not to harsh my buzz by trying to retcon my memories into something brutal.”

    9CL- Now would be an awesome time for the roof of the theater to collapse.

    Luann- TJ really enjoys weenie related paraphernalia.

    Funky- This one time, at band camp; we murdered this hateful old bitch and stuffed her body in a tree.

    A3G- Why is Gary Cooper, who has been dead for 50 years, coming to Margo for PR representation?

  53. Arabella
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    LUANN: Isn’t mid-August a little late to start your summer promotion? I guess they don’t cover that at online business school either.

    ZITS: This seems vaguely disturbing.

  54. wossname
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#37): Re MW, I don’t mean the whole arc ends tomorrow – I mean tomorrow may be the day we begin a weeks-long scene in which Dawn explains, endlessly, how the experience changed her and opened her eyes to the nonbrutality of life.

    And good to be back, thanks – after a long stretch with limited computer/comics/CC access, it takes a while to get back into the groove.

  55. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    one of the things that I lost yesterday was a post about the incredible Oidipal overtones to Jeremy’s thought balloons. Panel 2 shows him with a curvy softon from D’jon’s comments, Panel 3 shows him hard as a rock from Sarah, and panel 5 shows him infantilized as his teenhood crawls back inside his belly due to his mother’s comments.

    5 cents, please.

  56. Tony
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: Greg Cooper looks almost exactly like every other man in A3G-land. At first I thought this was a lack of skill in drawing men on the part of the artist, but now I realize it’s because the artist intends us to understand that all men are alike, while all women are unhappy in their own way.

  57. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    As one possessing of socially unacceptable bulk (a phrase I am totally stealing just you WATCH me) I can say that it doesn’t matter if you cut the size tags out, everyone still knows you’re a fatbutt. Pluggers aren’t just in denial, they’re a little dim, too.

    A3G: Greg Cooper looks like a character actor and I am going to be a complete wreck until I remember which one.

  58. pastordan
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @BigTed (#11): I like Kirkland jeans. … Does that make me a Plugger?

  59. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Pardon My Planet — That’s comedian NORM CROSBY, so the malapropism “STD TGIF SOP” actually makes perfect sense:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zS3a4iSy038

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    A&J: Love Is. . . . .

    GF: this is a repeat, innit?

    IP: it’s conversations like this that prove that you’ve allowed too high of a power level in your Champions campaign.

    NAoQV: *gigglez*

    F-: after over two months, a slight smile at this one.

    Bizarro: *fliptake*

    Lockhorns: I know that feeling.

    RwO: *golf clap*

    Zits: barebacking.

  61. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .getting the watchers all hot and bothered.

  62. pastordan
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Evan? Is that you? How did you dye your hair so quickly, and why am I so turned on all of a sudden?

    Have you been using Axe body spray?

  63. seismic-2
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    A3G: So we were expecting to get to meet a new character, talent agent Sal Feola, but instead we get to meet his client, the “up-and-coming actor” Greg Cooper. Well, that switch saves Frank Bolle the effort of having to draw someone new, since now he can just go to his “breathtaking gorgeous guys” folder of clip art and download Clint Walker pix.

  64. Chyron HR
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    A3G – It’s worse than you think. Shulock’s original script said, “Scene: Margo’s office. Alice Cooper enters from the right.”

    Pluggers – Some charlatan has stolen a Seinfeld and passed it off as his own!

  65. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: I’m notoriously bad at noticing brand names, especially of clothes, and I’m especially ignorant of anything to do with jeans, but — is it true? Do Levis really have the size of their pants on a leather label on the outside? Why? Why would anyone do that? Why would anyone buy them?

  66. TheDiva
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @balcon (#5): Well see, that’s where Goodwill and garage sales come in. Thus Pluggers fulfill not only their requirements for both cheapness and jingoism, but also the stipulation that they don’t own anything less than ten years old.

    A3G: That is the most stunning cowlick I have ever seen!

  67. pastordan
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Is it too much to hope that Rex Morgan will suddenly be called away to deal with Dick Tracy and Sam Catchem, thus getting him out of the trip to California?

  68. UncleJeff
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    9CL: A silhouette shadow of sideboob. Amos with mouth agape.
    Either the ballet performance is at an end or Amos took his cello to “sniffer’s row” at the local strip club.

    Gee, ReFOOB (today) and Crankshaft (Sunday) actually had strips I enjoyed.

    WOI: If you’re going to do a “massive muscles due to PED” strip, you should find somebody capable of drawing something that looks like massive muscles.

  69. pastordan
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Judging by the looks of that deer, Rusty, the terror has only begun.

  70. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    why Schrodinger didn’t use corgis.

    corgi asks “how YOU doin;?”

    for everyone’s I’ve had days like this file.

  71. TheDiva
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    9CL: Well, Brooke, you’ve officially equated your stupid “will-they-or-won’t-they” arc to something that might happen in a dumb sitcom. I hope this means you’re officially abandoning your pretentions to high art.

    C’shaft: Crankshaft has his daily rage against the heavens.

    FW: “I suppose I could sit her down and talk like a mature adult about my feelings and expectations…”
    “No, no, no, your only hope is to trick and alienate her!”

    Luann: She must have missed the day “recognizing obviously stupid ideas and refusing to go along with them” was covered.

    MT: “I’m not afraid I’m wearing a tie you go home!”

    MW: Remember how that old lady got trampled by people trying to save themselves! What a riot! You’re right, that trip restored my faith in life and humanity!”

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “My genius is so renowned that nobody expects me to make a simple mistake.”

  72. Señor Tortilla
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    PMP: I know I’ve seen this one before, in a topic where someone commented that all the women in this comic strip look like men in drag.

  73. NoahSnark
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    You’re a Plugger if walking around in your boxers provokes several calls to crisis hotlines.

  74. Not Just any Dipstick
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#59): Yes, yes it does.

  75. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    On a Claire Day: Their train is going 2,000 mph? I don’t know whether this represents the character’s ignorance or the cartoonist’s. (Also — regardless of what the sign says, you can’t open the windows in a train like that.)

  76. Arabella
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @BigTed (#11): @pastordan (#59): Costco is too upscale for Pluggers; they fit better with the Sam’s Club demographic.

  77. Alter Ego
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    love is… discussing a prospect for your next three-way.

  78. Esther Blodgett
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Pluggers cut the tag off their Levi’s so no one can see their waist size? Pffft. Pluggers would have to tuck in their shirttails for anyone to see that tag.

  79. Ned Ryerson
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Here’s a story about Dean Young and Blondie and a Dagwood themed elephant in Tampa.

    I’d consider a photo-op with the elephant, but nobody but nobody wants to venture into the RNC zone. Maybe it will be around after the convention leaves town.

    (Take a look at the picture of Dean Young’s studio…How can he sit in there year after year and tell us that Herb and the mailman are not the same guy??!!)

  80. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

  81. tb4000
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: Dude, I swear to God I am gonna start using “Holy What-The-Heck?” in my inner monologues from here on out.

  82. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#66): Absolutely true. Just google “levis jeans size labels” and look at images.

    And folks traditionally don’t remove them, which I never understood. (There was a Seinfeld episode where Jerry’s current girlfriend talked him into having each of them confess some embarrassing thing about themselves, to prove their commitment or something. Jerry confessed to removing size 34 labels from Levis and carefully replacing them with size 32 labels – or something like that. That meant, of course, he had to buy two pair for every one he needed. His girlfriend was disgusted with his dishonesty, and left him in a huff.)

    I don’t buy Levis anymore, but when I did I always removed the labels, even though I was much thinner then. I figured my waist and inseam size were nobody’s business.

    // Guess that makes me a plugger.

  83. Clint Brawny
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    What the hell is going on with that plugger’s leg?

  84. Ned Ryerson
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Clint Brawny (#83): Thank you. That leg has been disturbing me all day.

    On the Levis discussion (man, I love minutae), there may be some style of Levis out there that still use a leather tag, but since I was a youngster, those tags have been that beige, fabric-y stuff. Is that leather? I doubt if it’s made from any kind of hide.

    The printing on those things fades after a few washes.

    I always ended up pulling those tags off. I didn’t do it in a deliberate, decisive way. I’m the kind of person who compulsively fiddles with tags that hang off my clothes until they come loose and I pull them all the way off.

  85. debussy fields
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    A3G–Just wait ’til she meets a guy that makes her think, “Holy What-the-Fuck!”

  86. Perky Bird
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    What merit badge is Rusty working on? Judging by Doc’s silence, the blank look on his face, and the fact that nobody is addressing him, my guess is “Human Taxidermy.”

  87. Poteet
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    A3G would make much more sense if it weren’t supposed to be taking place in NYC. For example, this guy might indeed be the catch of the day and the apple of the ladies’ collective eye if we were watching a scene in Cowflop, Iowa. (I’ve lived in this state for decades, so I can say that now.)

  88. Mark B.
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy turned into the Benny Hill show so slowly, I never even noticed it. Until today.

  89. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    FW – So, you are a 30-something woman whose career is to be the marching band director at a local high school. You lost an arm in a car accident years ago. You have a loveless and sexless marriage to the dumpy guy who runs the comic book store. You loathe your mother, who has recenty decided to become a “band mom” – despite not being a mom to anyone in the band, and despite having no background in the field – but are powerless to prevent her from taking over your work life in this way.

    Y’know, we haven’t even brought up Westview or cancer clusters, and already I can’t figure out any reason for you to go on living.

  90. Cloudbuster
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#26): Really, is there any other way to read this than as a sex-scene prelude?

    Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Driver?

  91. Poteet
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Alter Ego (#77): If I had a float, that would ride. Also, ewww.

  92. Mark B.
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    JP: So, Avery is going to catch ‘Old Hardy’ again, but this time Sam will be pitching?

  93. Stroker Ace
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Pluggers ~ Pluggers do the same thing with their assless chaps.

  94. Dennis Jimenez
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#93): I say old man, are you one of those assless chaps….

  95. Mark B.
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#93): The trouble being, when they cut the tag off their assless chaps, it turns out to be an actual piece of their ass.

  96. un malpaso
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Margo should be asking “IS that one gorgeous man?” since all the men look exactly the same (except for Greg’s Elvis/Superman hair wave).

    Also, is the caption in panel 2 really necessary? We can, um, see that Margo is staring. Ah, but I forgot A3G’s “tell, don’t show” rule of thumb. Unless what you can show is easily scanned from 50s clip art; then, draw away!

  97. LP2004
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: Rusty’s working on merit badges? I don’t recall seeing any indication that he ever goes to school, or has any contact with other kids, so it’s hard to picture him going to scout meetings. Perhaps he’ll make history as the first kid ever to make it to Eagle Scout entirely by correspondence.

    MW: Were we ever shown any instances of passengers helping each other? Oh, and I’m quite disappointed to note that the cut on Wilbur’s shin apparently was just an inconsequential scratch.

  98. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#97): MW: Were we ever shown any instances of passengers helping each other?

    Remember the ambiguously gay duo who caught Wilbur as he was about to go over the rail. Yep. That was about it.

  99. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#31): But here I go applying logic.

    I suffer the same curse with strips like Luann. Things are funnier when they make sense, even if it’s only “How did I manage to hire the Three Stooges to fix my plumbing?” (Although in my life it’s more like “How did I manage to develop the same skill levels as Curly?”) At least with the Stooges, you’d laugh at the mayhem.

    The only real questions I have about Luann are things like “Which real-life woman does Anne Eiffel represent, and why is Evans taking petty revenge on her?” and “How many more women will Evans vicariously humiliate here?”

  100. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#92): So, Avery is going to catch ‘Old Hardy’ again, but this time Sam will be pitching?

    When Avery shows up to bag Hardy Laurel in Spider-Man, I’m gonna be so not surprised.

  101. Snarkotix Addict
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#97): Rusty’s working on merit badges?

    He’s not earning them; he is actually hand-embroidering them for an exclusive organization. His tiny hands can turn out about 35 a day if he works from sunrise to sunset. Mark and Cherry pay him a nickel a badge and all the fish pancakes he can eat. For the reasons you mention, Rusty is unknown outside Lost Forest, so there’s no problem with those pesky child labor laws. And the animals aren’t talking.

  102. Poteet
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

  103. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Brookins, I just looked at the jeans in my closet. You know those leather tags? You can hide them by wearing a belt. As in “Pluggers wear belts to show off the hideous belt buckles they mail-ordered through Field and Stream.”

  104. Poteet
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — Yep, there are worse things than watching Brad fumble around with Toni. I know that now.

  105. Sequitur
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#103): Pluggers wear a belt and suspenders. They’re not worried about their pants falling down, belt and suspenders is a Plugger fashion statement.

  106. bats :[
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

  107. Poteet
    August 20th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I definitely don’t want a return of the 1918 flu pandemic in the real world, but in the world of 9CL, yes, yes please.

  108. Señor Tortilla
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark Trail is especially weird today. Not in the way that Rusty is started to resemble more “horrifying troll we’ve known” and “nearly normal”, but it’s the non-sequitur that follows Rusty’s last comment.

    Curtis: The only way I can comprehend the arrival of Obama at Curtis’ apartment is that they hired some lousy impersonator.

    MW: Cut it with the self-congratulatory “This was a tragedy, woo woo” crap.

  109. Sequitur
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    MT: And Doc says, “Merit badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!”

    //My wife and I were driving yesterday and we smelled a dead skunk. My wife remarked, “We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers.”

  110. Perky Bird
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#97): RE: Rusty’s schooling–I believe Mark and Cherry home-school Rusty there in Lost Forest. There, he will learn to master the only skills a man needs to know: paddling a canoe, eating pancakes, speaking in bold lettering, and punching the facial hair off of miscreants.

  111. Therese Norén
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Margo gets a visit from the Doctor, who has lost his bowtie. Chance of adventures in time and space: low. Chance of several weeks worth of searching for the perfect replacement bowtiw: high, and the glorious find will never even be shown in the strip.

  112. comicsgrl
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    JP: Mr. Driver, are you trying to seduce me?

  113. Poteet
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    I’m glad we’re into a new thread now. For one thing, I no longer have to think about sea otters being fish, and for another, Unca Lumpy’s wonderful explanation of the Shulock/Bolle bar bet will change my view of A3G forever. Oy, that is one dreadful forelock. Slipped the trap indeed.

  114. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @balcon (#5): Strictly speaking, just about all mass-market products are made outside the US. That’s what Pluggers buy, like most of us.

  115. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Gals go crazy for ill-fitting hairpieces. I’ll have to remember that.

    MT: It’s even sadder that when Rusty gets kidnapped (again), the culprits will find him talking to the large rocks by the river that he’s convinced himself are a Boy Scout troop. Still, one must admit that the real Boy Scouts of America might give him a badge for the taxidermy job he’s done with Doc.

    MW: Wilbur remembers the approved version of the events, and nothing else. Dawn, on the other hand, may need to be taken in for reeducation. Good thing Mary’s here.

    Ziggy: 4 out of 5 goldfish would choose death by asphyxiation over being Ziggy’s pet.

    C-Shaft: What was that? I don’t know, but it’s pretty close to “uncomfortable” and very far from “funny.”

    9CL: Nothing like it ever actually happened on Gilligan’s Island. Sherman Schwartz>Brooke McEldowney

    BC: Thor shows absolutely no curiosity about the guy on his right side suddenly transforming from BC to Peter. Not sure what that tells you.

    JP: “Mr. Driver, are you trying to seduce me.”
    “I don’t know, Avery. Do you want me to seduce you?”

    RMMD: “Well, because I’m a doctor and I have responsibilities. My patients rely on me to… Okay, I can’t keep a straight face anymore. Let’s grab some sunscreen.”

    Drabble: The trophy shop sells the same model to the proctologists’ awards, just with a different plaque.

    HtH: Ah, the sword of Excelsior, once wielded by the great warrior Stan Lee.

    GT: What, you think trash-talking grass and sand would be too stupid? You’re in Gil Thorp, son.

    Phantom: “But add a little more high hat.”

    EC: Not really an either/or, Len.

    Curtis: Please let this be an Obama impersonator that Chutney or someone hired as a prank. It would make the whole thing sorta worthwhile.

    Zits: If Luann has taught us anything, it’s that Sara is in the country on a temporary visa and is about to be deported.

    H-Cliff: Mark this day on your calendars. Here we have a legacy strip referencing a dated fad and actually acknowledging that it’s passé.

  116. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 20th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#12): Didn’t Uncle Freddie used to be married to Liza Minnelli?

  117. commodorejohn
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – God, I love this strip.

    A3G – Elvis lives!

    A&J – This is how you do it, Greg Evans. This is how you do it, Brooke McEldowney. This is how you fucking do it.

    Curtis – Wha…but…uh…*head asplode* [*]

    DT – “I need a yakety sax, stat!

    JP – This is closer to sex with Sam than Abbey ever gets…sheez, they’ve even got a bottle of wine and mood lighting.

    MT – So Cherry knows that the poachers have seen Rusty and know where he lives, and suspects that they might come a-callin’ to retrieve the film (uh, sorry, “memory chip,” I don’t know what came over me,) and concludes that it’s really no big deal if Rusty decides to stay at the cabin instead of coming to the Wildlife Office. Good to know you’re looking out for him there, Cherry.

    MW – So the moral of the story is “a near-death experience is the perfect thing to help you forget about a bad relationship?”

    OBH – It was a valiant effort, sir.

    Phantom – “When is the phone company gonna run DSL out here, for chrissakes?”

    Popeye – Popeye: fueling children’s nightmares for years to come!

    PC – Actually, maybe I’ll write in for T.R. this year. Admittedly he’s dead, but even so.

    SF – This is all fine, but that first panel takes the gold.

    SM – Holy shamoley is that thick smoke. Does JJJ roll his cigars out of old tires, or what?

  118. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Borborygmy (#6): It was “El Puño de los Muertos.” I see that last time I described it, I merely used the descriptor “top heavy” and correctly identified the dark twin’s dance (they were played by the same actress) as an evil shimmy. I should have cribbed from myself.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#31): But as for unauthorized marketing campaigns – you would hope that anything adding little toothpicks into the food they serve would be a big red flag.
    TJ will probably go back to his original idea of using Krazy Glue to hold the pieces to the wiener.

    @TheDiva (#66): If they ever asked me, I’d tell Goodwill to make their own label and put it on the back pocket of jeans they resell. They would become hot, at least for a while.

  119. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    CurtisHasn’t this strip already played the Obama card once? Or am I thinking of every other freaking comic strip in the freaking newspaper? [*]

    Mark – Just a normal day at home for that crabby ventriloquist dummy, a character from the Dinette Set, and a young Batman villain in training!

  120. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#68):

    WOI: If you’re going to do a “massive muscles due to PED” strip, you should find somebody capable of drawing something that looks like massive muscles.

    As opposed to “Oh my God! The cut off the horse’s legs and screwed on table legs!”

  121. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#88):

    If this is true then I must see it with my very eyes.

    Waitasec! Hold the Wrist Wizard*! Put the 2-Way Radio/TV wrist watch on hold!
    Call the moon colony and tell ‘em Dick Tracy won’t make it for the family reunion because this is the time of year when gravity really gets him down!

    They just outran the ambulance and made it to a hospital, too? If DT was so important to them, why didn’t the crooks just turn around the emergency vehicle and stop them? Who would have stopped them from pursuing a gurney that slipped out of the back?

    *I’m assuming a Wrist Wizard is an apparatus for joints. Or, a tiny magic man who does a heck of a lot more than a Butt Ler does.

  122. Señor Tortilla
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    6C – I hate you.

    9CL – Hopefully Amos is looking weird (at least, weirder than normal) is because Mr. TopHeavy broke Edda’s wrist.

    Curtis, Take Two – As much as I believe this is nonsense and that it would be worthwhile if it were an impersonator, at least it wasn’t done “off-camera”. Remember when Barry snuck off in 2008-2009, and got to meet Obama? He wasn’t seen then…

  123. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#90): I had a feeling someone had already caught the Mrs Robinson vibe.

  124. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure it is just me, but it would be hilarious if Margo is being punked by the secretary and that new hire, Evan Not-Tommie’s-Ex-Fiance-or-Record-Producer-or-Scott-Moneybags.

    If they are disguising themselves and trying to convince Margo that she is succeeding beyond her wildest dreams, wow!

    Though, I’m sure it is an art malfunction. Those strips are reproduced so small. Who would notice if the characters all look alike?

    (whistles. past the legacy graveyard)

  125. Inkwell
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Curtis keeps telling us they saved the old lady and became national heroes, but we’ve yet to see the lady again. Is it possible that this is all Curtis’ daydream, becoming more and more unhinged as he starves alone with the woman’s corpse? (He already ate Barry.)

  126. Neyba Bob
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox:
    “Excuse me, I’m conducting a test. Would you mind drinking some of this potion?”
    “What sort of potion is it?”
    “It’s claimed to bring eternal youth, but before the rest of us drink it, we want to test it out on you.”
    “Why do you want to wait and see what happens to me before you drink it? Why not drink it now anyway and then see what happens? If it works, it works, and if doesn’t … exactly what might happen if it doesn’t work?”
    “Well, that’s what we were hoping to …”
    “Good BYE!”

  127. Liam
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-Under any other president Curtis and Barry would have left the old woman for death.

  128. Calico
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#109):
    Honey Badger vs. Cuss Skunk.
    Bring it on!

  129. Calico
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#28):
    Hear hear!
    Nice one, Bats.
    @LP2004 (#97): Yes, I was hoping Wilbur’s boo boo would be a bit touch and go, but no dice.
    … and the makers of Wonder Bread heaved a huge sigh of relief.

  130. Liam
    August 20th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-Damn it’s President Obama. I was hoping for Mary Worth would be gracing us with her presence and bring blessings upon our household.

  131. Borborygmy
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#118): “El Puño de los Muertos.” El Mundo de los Muertos, maybe?

  132. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#20) said: “Curtis-WTF? Oh come on. ‘Mary Worth’ doesn’t even get this self congratulatory.”

    But Judge Parker does. After Sam is credited with breaking up the marijuana-growing operation, Obama and Biden and Romney and Ryan will show up together at Spencer Farms to announce that Congress has unanimously passed special legislation granting Sam a lifetime exemption from all Federal taxes.

  133. HAnzMFG
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers still have a delusional belief that the leather tag on jeans has the size numbers, just like the also believe people still use AOL.

  134. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#117): Holy shamoley is that thick smoke. Does JJJ roll his cigars out of old tires, or what?

    Jameson’s cigars are imported from Cuba. And made out of tires from ancient Studebakers.

  135. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Borborygmy (#131): El Puño de los Muertos is what I thought the box said, but the list gives it as El Puño de La Muerta. I have carried this delusion around with me since, I dunno, the 90s probably.

  136. Anachrosaurus
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    At last! The A3G/Shylock Fox crossover!

    “Mr. Smitty??”

    “Call me Slick. All my victims do. For the oleaginous quiff, you know. I put a lot of work into that. It’s a trademark, like Dapper Dan.”

    “Whatever. You are one gorgeous man!” [zones out]

    “Ah, all is going according to plan… Now to locate her TV remote, wipe it of fingerprints, and repair to my cluttered trailer, which is teeming with red herrings…”

  137. Peanut Gallery
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#82):

    His girlfriend was disgusted with his dishonesty, and left him in a huff.

    That was too soon — she left him in a minute and a huff.

    (And Groucho’s humor is timeless.)

  138. Rob
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: “Excuse me sir, I’m terribly sorry that you’ll be dropping dead literally any day now, but it turns out that nature’s cruel joke on you is lucky for the rest of us! Who will live to a ripe old age, unlike you. Anyway, we’re trying to figure out if this woman is a fraud, so if you’ll just have a sip of her ‘eternal youth’ potion and allow all of us to watch you intently for the next week to see whether or not you croak as scheduled, that’d be great.”

    It’s a good thing that unlike all the other anthropomorphic animals in the strip, the mayfly is actual size. That meant Weber was able to draw him flipping off Slylock without anybody at the newspaper noticing.

    JP: “Don’t be silly, Avery! I would never try to sway you with compliments. I am trying to sway you by taking all my clothes off in front of you, giving you a look at the goods. Starting with my sexy, sexy feet. Yes, I would stare longingly too if I were in your place.”

  139. Borborygmy
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#135): Not important. As long as the tomatoes and Aristotles were proportionately balanced. El Santo movies had certain standards, you know.

  140. Poteet
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#133): Am I really the last AOL user? Suddenly I feel so special…

  141. Shrug
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y139):

    “Yo ho ho and a dramamine, we are loyal subjects of the King and Queen!”

  142. Poteet
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#134): When I found myself laughing heartlessly at the smoky assault on Peter’s lungs, I knew that my last shred of concern for his well-being was gone. Just wait, MJ. You’ll get there too.

  143. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s strip, today!:
    RMMD— “You’re right. Since I only see patients who give me extravagant gifts, I’m free for the next two months.”

  144. KreatureFeatures
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Today’s discussion has prompted much nonproductive googling of El Santo movies.

  145. Sequitur
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#143): How about the day after that when the Morgans arrive and find out the place is a dump.

  146. Shrug
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#y214):

    “Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night with a sudden, intense craving to hear Meat Loaf sing “I’d Do Anything for Love”?
    I can now report that I have had that experience.”

    Wow. I’ve never even shared a bed with Meat Loaf.

    Does he snore?

  147. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Aside from repeating wossname’s comment about “Fineee,”, along with the general chorus of WTF, I have almost nothing to say here. And what I do have to say is far too politically incorrect for this, or perhaps any forum.

    One thing I do know, however. If this were to happen in real life, this family would be appearing on TV shows across the country and could probably even get endorsement deals. But as we’ve already seen with the incident in which the mother lifted the car off Barry, resulting in an influx of money that then mysteriously disappeared a week later, nothing will change.

    On the other hand, I give props for Obama’s final line, which is actually kind of funny.

  148. Dawn Weston
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#33):

    “The only thing we’re still waiting for to wind up this arc is for Dawn to announce that life is not brutal and nothing reminds her of Dave any more.”

    Sigh. Dave used to not remind me of Dave.

  149. A Woman of a Certain Age
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#140): What?? You’re on AOL, too?? We’ll have to meet up in the Plugger chat room!

  150. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#33):

    Curtis – “FINEEE” could only be pronounced fi-NEE. I think the word you’re looking for is FIIIINE.

    I blame Twitter. So many users seem ignorant of the fact that when you have more than one “e” in a row, it can’t be silent.

  151. Dale
    August 20th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#140):

    The last AOL user or the last AOL dial-up user?

    The trouble with “special” is that it often implies “short bus”.
    That, in turn, is scary because the FBI and its ilk are staffed with Special Agents.

  152. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#147): I demand equal time for Paul Ryan, artist on the Phantom daily strip and presumptive nominee of the Republican Party for Vice President of the United States:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ryan_%28comics%29

  153. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#146): Oddly enough, yesterday I woke up with Elton John’s “Levon” in my head, and a very melancholy feeling, like someone had died.

  154. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#145) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#143): How about the day after that when the Morgans arrive and find out the place is a dump.”

    Oh, they’ll just move a couple of miles up the road to the La Valencia Hotel in La Jolla, and reside there until their quarters are remodeled to their satisfaction. All charged to Melissa, of course.

  155. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#151): You know, that brings up something I’ve always wondered — are there any non-special agents? You always hear “Special Agent Cooper” or “Special Agent Muldar,” but you never hear of anyone simply being an “Agent.”

  156. Sequitur
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

  157. Liam
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Is it warm in here? I suddenly feel warm and wet. Is your seat wet? I think my seat is wet because I’m feeling wet.”

  158. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#146):

    It is absolutely impossible for me to “see” a person singing that song.

    I can only see a loaf of meat, mouth hinged so that it can sing.

    I’m wondering if the Muppets ever made fun of the singer. If they did then that would have been less messier than what I have in mind.

  159. Sequitur
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#154): re: La Valencia Hotel. Wow, you get the third night free!

    I think I’ll check in and tell them I only want the third night.

  160. commodorejohn
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#156): They might never have said it, but she was damn special.

    *sigh*

  161. Baka Gaijin
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    I have to give props to Ces Marciuliano. The first panel of Sally Forth is totally made of win and kitten kisses. I laughed the laugh of the greatly amused.

  162. Oregonian
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#146): Share a bed with Meat Loaf?

    I would do anything for love… but I won’t do that.

  163. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#155):

    Someday there will be Outer-Spacial Agents.

    sigh. more than likely selling interstellar insurance plans.
    sigh.
    sigh.

  164. Sequitur
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#160): Agreed. *sigh*

  165. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#154): I suspect they’ll get there only to find out that the building doesn’t exist, or isn’t owned by the nephew. Or is that ascribing too much plot to a Rex Morgan story? It is, isn’t it?

  166. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#156): She wasn’t FBI, though.

  167. Sequitur
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#161): Was it funnier than a clown plunging from a 30 story building and when he passes the 20th floor you call to him, “How you doing?” And he answers, “So far, okay!”

  168. Marc
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#115): RE Curtis: It would be like the guy on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia who impersonated both Donovan McNabb and Tiger Woods. Oddly enough it was the guy who played Alvin on the Cosby show, and even funnier they called him out on it during the episode.

  169. Sequitur
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#166): You’re right. It’s the same with NCIS.

  170. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#168): I haven’t seen that, but looking at Geoffrey Owens’ pic, I’m tickled by the thought of him trying to pass for Tiger Woods.

  171. Liam
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    MT-Cherry if you are planning on abandoning Rusty you tell him you are going out for cigarettes.

  172. Baka Gaijin
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#167): That is so out of character for me. Had I known a clown was passing my window, I’d practice that new Olympic sport, cherries jubilee toss. Extra heavy on the flambé, natch. Had I enough notice, I’d age some salmon squares to the perfect staleness. They can be used as shuriken. Smelly disgusting throwing stars.

  173. Liam
    August 20th, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-Hey, kids, it’s President Obama. Applaud.

  174. Arabella
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#153): “..a melancholy feeling, like someone had died”

    Phyllis Diller died today. Maybe it was a premonition. RIP, one of my favorite funny ladies.

  175. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#169): It is, isn’t it? Even McGeek became a Special Agent right after his probationary period was over. (And when is that show coming back, anyway? And is Gibbs really going to continue a romantic relationship with Jamie Lee Curtis? I mean, I like Curtis — but that particular character just seems wrong.)

  176. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#174): Ah, damn. She was one of my childhood regulars. I even watched Pruits of South Hampton. And I always enjoyed her references to her husband, “Fang.”

  177. Peanut Gallery
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#153): “Levon”? I think there’s a novel in that!

  178. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#173): Yeah. That’s kind of how I feel.

  179. Dawn Westen
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#33):

    “MW – The only thing we’re still waiting for to wind up this arc is for Dawn to announce that life is not brutal”

    Yes! My old attitude has now turned around 180 degrees!

    Life is laturb !!!

  180. Sequitur
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#175): NCIS starts new episodes on Tuesday, September 25, 2012. You remember last season ended with the bombing. This is what CBS says about the new season.

    The “NCIS” gang is back together for Season 10 after Pauley Perrette, Sean Murray and Michael Weatherly have all agreed to continue with the show.

    The three actors, whose contracts were up at the end of last season, have all signed new two-year deals to remain on the CBS hit, Deadline reports. Their signings means the show’s cast will remain intact for next season — and could impact the resolution to May’s cliffhanger finale.

    When the finale aired — the episode ended with a bomb going off at the NCIS office — Weatherly, Murray and Perrette were all unsigned (David McCallum’s contract was also up, but he negotiated a new deal in April). The new contracts likely mean that everyone will survive the bombing — though the aftermath might take a little while to resolve.

  181. Shrug
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#66):

    “Well see, that’s where Goodwill and garage sales come in. Thus Pluggers fulfill not only their requirements for both cheapness and jingoism, but also the stipulation that they don’t own anything less than ten years old.”

    That’s always been my Pluggerish plan (minus the jingoism; I’m not that sort of Plugger), though Mrs. Shrug sometimes spoils it by buying me a shirt or something for birthdays or Christmas. Left to my own devices, I can barely recall the last time I went to a real clothing store and bought new anything other than socks and underwear*.

    Of course, one sometimes has to look through a number of thrift stores, since all of us Pluggers tend to be roughly the same size, so competition is fierce.

    (*I did break down about eight years and buy a pair of shoes new, but that’s because it’s problematic finding good condition size 15 shoes second hand. Every since then I’ve been careful to check out the selection and stockpile.)

  182. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#159) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#154): re: La Valencia Hotel. Wow, you get the third night free!

    I think I’ll check in and tell them I only want the third night.”

    Aw, now you’ve gone and spilled the beans. Rex and June were going to bill Melissa for the number of nights they stayed times the room rate, conveniently omitting info about the third night being free. They’d have made out like bandits on a one-month stay, but now everyone knows. The Morgans are gonna be pissed!

  183. Tootsie Woodley
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#79):

    “How can he sit in there year after year and tell us that Herb and the mailman are not the same guy??!!)”

    The mailman and I tried to explain the uncanny resemblance to Herb when he came home unexpectly yesterday, but I’m not sure he bought it.

  184. Dale
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#155):

    I am under the impression that, formally, they are all Special.
    Sounds more impressive than “other ranks”.
    Officers have titles like Special-Agent-in-Charge.

  185. Shrug
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#97):

    Because Rusty has no contact with other Scouts, he has certain misconceptions which have gone uncorrected. For one thing, he thinks the phrase is “merit badgers,” and so every time he passes another test (which he grades himself), he sews another badger on his uniform.

    This may explain why Rusty continues to have no contact with other Scouts.

  186. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 20th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#165) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#154): I suspect they’ll get there only to find out that the building doesn’t exist, or isn’t owned by the nephew. Or is that ascribing too much plot to a Rex Morgan story? It is, isn’t it?”

    Yes it is. You’ve obviously been studying your Rex Morgan. But in the unlikely event of such an occurrence, I would still expect Rex and June to figure out a way of spending a month at the La Valencia at Melissa’s expense.

  187. pastordan
    August 20th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#152): @Frank Lee Meidere (#147): Tommy Thompson is running for US Senate against Tammy Baldwin in Wisconsin…

  188. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 20th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#174): Ah, Phyllis Diller. “Can I borrow your comb? I have this terrible scalp disease, and I HATE to use mine!” She was good.

  189. seismic-2
    August 20th, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    JP: “You’re just buttering me up for that third book deal!” “Book deal”? Is that what the no-longer-kids these days are calling it now? And can you get through the night’s first two “book deals” with just a single tub of butter? Or does it work better with stick butter, for obvious reasons? And just how hardy is Old Hardy, by the end of the third “book deal”?

    Sometimes the slashfic just writes itself, doesn’t it, folks? Or is Woody Wilson in fact deliberately writing slashfic and just trying to sneak it past the censors, by using the “wink wink, nudge nudge” style of somewhat-less-than-double entendre? Either way, like Dick Tracy this strip too is rapidly becoming a print version of The Benny Hill Show (but with “Yakety Sax” now played on a Bender Blaster, of course).

  190. LP2004
    August 20th, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#185): I’m not sure I’d want to tangle with someone who sews badgers onto his clothes – particularly if some of them are Lost Forest Giant Badgers.

  191. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @Tootsie Woodley (#183):

    Woodley, eh?

    I heard your husband changed his name after the War. Before then his family name was Dopplegangerwoodleyowski. (how that happened, i didn’t ask).

    So, I’d have to say the mailman might be delivering but he’s (at the very least) pulling the wooly woodley over your eyes.

  192. Liam
    August 20th, 2012 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-”Would you like me to tie you?”

    Dustin-I can’t believe it. This guy is in jail because he has fifty pounds of weed in his trunk and not because of the dead hookers in his trunk.

    Hagar the Horrible-You could always kill the seller and steal the sword.

    Gil Thorp-You could always trash talk the course and blame it on being a combat veteran.

  193. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 20th, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#106): Excellent! (And Rusty is always good for a random “YIPPEE!“)

  194. Liam
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    MW-Do you remember that blonde headed girl that got separated from her parents? That was a hoot watching her get trampled.

  195. Anachrosaurus
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#150):

    What’s weird is that my dead-tree paper (Washington Post) corrected the error: it appears there as “FIIIINE!”

    Silly me. I didn’t think the Post employed proofreaders anymore.

  196. kkarenb
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    A3G – The gorgeous, breathtaking hunk of masculinity is wearing the usual nondescript ill-fitting beige jacket and white shirt.

    Rex Morgan – And while they discuss Melissa’s financial problems for the third week, another patient waiting in the waiting room has keeled over and died of a heart attack. Rex wasn’t there with smelling salts to treat him.

  197. Special Commenter Peanut Gallery
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#184): Cool idea! I hereby promote everyone to the rank of Special Commenter!

  198. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-

    You gotta admit that panel two is almost perfectly silly.
    They make Obama look tiny.
    The jumpkick the dad makes is ridiculous.

    The whole thing is like some sitcom where a extra special guest start shows up out of the blue and they show up all by themselves with no fanfare.

    Like, Nancy Reagan showing up on Different Strokes to teach the kids about not using drugs (way to go, Mrs. R! you’re life lessons were forgettable. though maybe Mr. Drummond and Mrs. Nanny learned their lesson. Not that they needed to be taught who to vote for)

    //what’s that sound? It is a sizzling sound.
    snf snf. something’s burning.

    Yikes! I think that long piece of rope on the ground is a fuse that has been burning since the 1980s! Where’s it headed towards….? Jeepers! If I don’t survive this post, tell everyone the Wildlife People got me with a cartoon cannonball bomb!

  199. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Special Commenter Peanut Gallery (#197): Do we get badges? Or badgers?

  200. Special Commenter Peanut Gallery
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#199): Badgers for all! Sure, we don’t need no badgers, but it sure is nice to have them.

  201. Meddle Head
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: Lois has a navel? is this a first time reveal?

  202. pastordan
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    I refuse to believe President Obama would be so gauche as to wear brown shoes with a black suit.

  203. Special Commenter bourbon babe, unbuckled, 007
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

  204. Special Commenter Badger Badge
    August 20th, 2012 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Have no fear! I AM HERE!

  205. Liam
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Do you remember that hooker you wanted to have a menage troi with us?”

  206. Special Commenter bourbon babe, unbuckled, 007
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @Special Commenter Badger Badge (#204): Hm…. You might have to cede that to Honey Badger, above @ #46—although I’ve heard he doesn’t give a shit.

  207. Special Commenter Peanut Gallery
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Special Commenter Badger Badge (#204): Excellent! Badge me!

    @pastordan (#187): The Badger State!

  208. Special Commenter Badger Badge
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

  209. pastordan
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Special Commenter Peanut Gallery (#207): That is correct. Bucky Badger will fuck you up, aight?

  210. Special Commenter Badger Badge
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

  211. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

  212. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Zits: I think they’re talking about condoms.

    RMMD: yeah, drop everything cancel all appointments, you gotta go to San Diego! I’d be looking to drop Dr. Morgan from my network, if I was an insurance company.

    Crankshaft: Go inside and turn on the air-conditioner, shit-for-brains.

    Phantom: How does stuff like this still get published?

    Curtis: Heh.

    9CL: Won’t this ever end? It’s not like they’re going to get married, just like Edda wasn’t pregnant, either.

  213. Special Commenter Peanut Gallery
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#209): When someone from out of state is invited to a Badger Game, do they sometimes get the wrong idea?

  214. Special Commenter Scudder
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    I want uniforms too! Fancy ones, so we look like Ruritanian admirals.

    // With medals for COTW, and Floater, and campaign ribbons for great comic arcs, like MW’s Lisa Smith kidnapping!

  215. Special Commenter bourbon babe, unbuckled, 007
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Special Commenter Scudder (#214): Just so long as there are boots. Shiny boots.

  216. Special Commenter Badger Badge
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Special Commenter Scudder (#214):

    You’ll wear your badger kilt and like it!

  217. Ace Lips Cot Merman Ride Dem Haunches
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    What about us sock puppets? Will no one think of the sock puppets?

  218. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Special Commenter Peanut Gallery (#213): Only if they’re from the southern part of the state. We all know what those people are like.

  219. Special Commenter bourbon babe, unbuckled, 007
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Special Commenter Badger Badge (#216): & @Special Commenter Scudder (#214): I don’t think that guy would cut it at that restaurant I went to with the Rev. & Mrs. Scudder; what was it called? The Tartan Cleavage?

  220. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    Retail: Uh, yes, actually. I would “question the veracity of the warranty” if the salespeople were getting a commission for selling them.

  221. Special Commenter Badger Badge
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

  222. Very Special Agent With Protective Head Gear Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#220): Oops. Forgot to put in my new title.

  223. Special Commenter Scudder
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Special Commenter bourbon babe, unbuckled, 007 (#215): Great! Now we have a theme song: These boots are made for snarking…

  224. Special Commenter bourbon babe, unbuckled, 007
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    @Special Commenter Scudder (#223): Gah! I’m just about to go to bed, and: EARWORM!

  225. Special Commenter Badger Badge
    August 20th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

  226. pastordan
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

  227. Ordinary Agent Baka Gaijin
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Very Special Agent With Protective Head Gear Frank Lee Meidere (#222): I put in my new title. I’m not so impressed with it.

  228. special agent playa
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Reporting for booty!

  229. Special Commenter Badger Badge
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

  230. Dale
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Very Special Agent With Protective Head Gear Frank Lee Meidere (#222):

    I trust you are using something more substantial than a single layer of aluminum foil.

  231. tallyHO
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    What’s all this then?

    Suddenly, everyone has risen in rank?

    I’m afraid my plan for the week was to sink lower than a comic strip cruise ship.

    I was gonna go so far undercover that I’d be three sheets to the floor.

    I was gonna roll down stairs like a slinky sneaking out of a bad date.

    I was gonna vamoose by actually riding a moose that would be sleeping in the back of a horse trailer that would be hightailing it down a mountain top away from memorial boxes of photographs.

    In the meantime, continue onward with your noble snarking. Do it for Her Majesty: Margo!

  232. Special Commenter Badger Badge
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

  233. Sgt. Stoned
    August 20th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Oh, by the way, Dawn. Dave is now engaged to that cute blonde he dumped you for.” DAWN: “Life is brutal.”

  234. seismic-2
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Merit Badgers? Bah, wrong woodlands rodent. For a chestful of real bling, you can’t beat the Junior Woodchucks. The top rank in the organization is, of course, 90-Star General. An interesting compendium of titles bestowed on lesser officials is given here.

  235. undeadoranges
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    Well, I can see why Margo would think that Greg is a gorgeous man. With a few small changes, Greg would be exactly Margo’s type.

  236. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#230): We don’t need badgers when we could have otters wearing tin (or aluminium) foil headgear instead.

  237. Very Special Agent With Protective Head Gear Frank Lee Meidere
    August 20th, 2012 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#230): I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but only idiots wear tinfoil hats. Those in the know wear hats made from 3M Velostat, as described in Michael Menkin’s plans for his Thought Screen Helmet.

  238. Very Special Agent With Protective Head Gear Frank Lee Meidere
    August 21st, 2012 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Okay. This turned out to be far more cynical than I’d anticipated. Expectations thwarted — nice going, Billingsley.

  239. Poteet
    August 21st, 2012 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    @A Woman of a Certain Age (#149): @Dale (#151): I’ve been snidely informed in the past that AOL is the internet provider for people with single-digit IQs. But I do try to control my drooling.

  240. Poteet
    August 21st, 2012 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    8/21 JP — First I roared with laughter and then I felt sad. Dingo, you should be here to enjoy this. You are missed.

  241. Very Special Agent With Protective Head Gear Frank Lee Meidere
    August 21st, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    MW: She said it! She said it! She said it was “brutal”!

  242. Der Speziell Ädjent Kommentator Herr Schnärkïnätör
    August 21st, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Auch du liebere! I’ve been promoted too!

  243. Poteet
    August 21st, 2012 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    MT — Doc and Cherry aren’t even trying to hide their hope that Rusty will be kidnapped. Rusty, you are a loathed child. But the real tragedy here is that poor wood duck. Please, color monkeys, have mercy.

  244. Droopy Says
    August 21st, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: I’m the very picture of vexation. Don’t people go to circuses to see buffoonery like a Spiderman/Asi9 clash? So what’s the problem?

    FU, W: Ah, a “Mother Of All Bombs” reference. I guess we’ve time-jumped back to the Iraq War.

    Brokeback Parker: Tomorrow Next week Bubba breaks in while Sam and Avarice assure one another they’re talking about Bea. He isn’t fooled, either.

    Mary Mirthless: Where’s that pillow Yawn was hugging the first time she said that? I want to press it over her face.

    Family Circus: Yes, Dowwy, they had an older generation when Thel was a child, but that generation had enough sense not to have any children.

    Mark Trail: Rusty will be heartbroken when he discovers that Indian Mounds don’t contain a creamy coconut filling, just two desperate aerial poachers with a bagful of rotting bighorn head.

  245. Droopy Says
    August 21st, 2012 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Skyler isn’t reading the newspaper, he’s looking for a section clean enough to crap on. What else would a bird do with a newspaper?

    Pluggers: War and Peace has a passage about some Russian nobles who are so detached from their homeland that they can speak only French. When one tries to tell the others a Russian joke, it falls flat because nobody can figure out what he’s talking about. Pluggers are a lot like those Russian nobles.

  246. Poteet
    August 21st, 2012 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    A3G — I take back what I said earlier. Cowflop has better-looking guys.

  247. Comcis Fan
    August 21st, 2012 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    MW: I suggest that when Dawn goes online again, she visit one of the many fine thesaurus sites. Then she could pronounce the scene on the ship, and her love life, as barbarous, ferocious, severe, uncivilized or unmannerly. As for Wilbur, really? Humanity at its worst? It was bad indeed, but he really needs to check his history books.

  248. Fashion Police
    August 21st, 2012 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#202):
    Brown shoes can be quite stylish with a black suit if one does it properly. It is easier to do well with brown shoes and a black suit than black shoes and a brown suit.

  249. Dale
    August 21st, 2012 at 4:16 am [Reply]

    @Very Special Agent With Protective Head Gear Frank Lee Meidere (#237):

    I was more concerned about physical blows to the head. You don’t want to end up like the TRAIL family.
    However, a lining of that Velostat stuff might be good if it will keep your own thoughts from escaping and being read by the rest of the world.

  250. roktober
    August 21st, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    That doesn’t look like mobile text messaging device so much as an adding machine from the 1980′s. Is that guy doing his taxes instead of paying attention to his date?

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