The Comics Curmudgeon

Main content:

Plot turns a’plenty

Lots of comings and goings in the continuity strips today!

For Better or For Worse, 3/3/08

Hey, it’s Warren, the dashing helicopter pilot! He says his head’s a mess, and he’s come to Liz for clarity. Which more or less proves his point.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/3/08

Big Rex and Little Niki, packin’ out: no fish, but no “disappointment”, either — except for poor Rex, who faces the grim prospect of sex with his wife.

Mark Trail, 3/3/08

Recaps all ’round in Mark Trail, and good news for Johnny Malotte: with Bull dead and Luke in jail, his camp empire will span the whole of Lost Forest. “Hey, Marie, now we can have those nine other kids we always dreamed about!”

Funky Winkerbean, 3/3/08

That’s it? Two weeks of the Pizza World interview just to establish that Funky’s a dick? I’d call it a waste, but squandering two weeks of Funky Winkerbean hardly qualifies. Cue Summer Moore’s championship season — too bad there wasn’t room in panel three for Bull to tell us more about what we read in panel two. C’mon Bull, focus: which of your Westview teams is going to that championship game?

Mary Worth, 3/3/08

Pool party! Pool party! Pool party! And there’s Wilbur, and Chinbeard, and Toeby — and, and Guy on the Stairs! Oh, it’s gonna be great this time, I just know it!

But what on earth are they feeding that leprechaun? And where’s Mary’s customary glass of human blood? Never mind for now — I’m sure all will be explained in the weeks and months ahead.

Pool party! Ahhhhhhh. . . .

- Uncle Lumpy

This entry was posted on Monday, March 3, 2008 at 02:06 am and is filed under For Better or for Worse, Funky Winkerbean, Mark Trail, Mary Worth, Rex Morgan, M.D.. |

257 responses to “Plot turns a’plenty”

Mr. O'Malley
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:15 am [Reply]

It’s the season for feeding leprechauns. St. Patrick’s Day has to come early to make way for Easter (earliest in more than a century).
markmcgoo
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:16 am [Reply]

Did Liz actually cuss in the first panel or is she actually though balloobing a censor?
markmcgoo
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:17 am [Reply]

*ballooning
Mrs Buck Tuddrussell (Not Pirates!)
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:20 am [Reply]

I dunno, markmcgoo, I like “baloobing” better.

FBoFW is just inconceivably horrid right now. The idea of Warren showing up out of the blue is so stupid that I doubt many people even considered it a viable possibility. But there’s no point in going through the Foobocalypse unless actual pain is involved, I guess.
Mr. O'Malley
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:25 am [Reply]

There is something wrong with your compression. Curtis yesterday was just the start.

In the on-line version of MW Guy on the Stairs is wearing a light brown shirt. Here it’s the same color as Mary’s face. His shirt color has been transferred to the wall which was originally a bluish grey. The bottles on the table were originally red—full of human blood, but in your version it has clotted.

That’s three…

Paging Gold-Digging Nanny!
Frank Parsnip
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:31 am [Reply]

MW: At this pool party the “elephant in the room,” as it were, is that Guy on the Stairs is naked and simply has used a black felt-tip marker to draw the outlines of clothes onto his pink, slightly sunburned skin. Most Charterstone residents choose not to say anything for fear of setting him off again — so long as he stands over on the steps everything’s “ok”.
winky
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:32 am [Reply]

has anyone ever seen mark trail use a contraction in a sentence? if there’s a way to use 30 words instead of 10 to utter some banality, mark will find it.
Mibbitmaker
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:40 am [Reply]

I got caught in Lumpy Time again! I’m on #113, yesterthread.

…But if I’m there, then how can I be typing this here? Hmmmm….
Ridureyu
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:43 am [Reply]

Well, Liz needs to have a non-affair just to demonstrate how Anthony is “THE RIGHT ONE” for her.
Mik Holmes
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:49 am [Reply]

Yeah, the compression is a bit annoying. I don’t know if the color problems are the artist’s fault any more.

The people in the background of panel 3 or FW look like they are about to eat the people in the foreground. The blond woman in the middle may or may not think that the black woman’s hair is licorice cotton candy…
Also way to go, Mr. Puts-your-hand-in-speech-bubble.
Francis
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:52 am [Reply]

I hope Marty Moon makes a guest appearance in this Funky Winkerbean storyline.
Zaq
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:57 am [Reply]

If Drew dies in Vietnam, I will send Karen Moy a package of gummy bears. That is all.
Mr. O'Malley
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:57 am [Reply]

FW: It just goes to show how little I know about sports. I would have guessed they were playing basketball, but it turns out they’re actually playing something called Ju.

I hope Ju is like those Aztec games where the winners have the honor of being sacrificed to ensure the Earth doesn’t shift on its axis. Isn’t the Earth continually shifting on its axis anyway, turning around and around? I guess I don’t understand Aztec cosmology either.

What with the Maya Long Count ending on Dec. 21, 2012, I suppose people are taking more of an interest in these matters.
Jym
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:59 am [Reply]

=v= MW: So they’re standing next to Wilbur, discussing his daughter as “problems” that need to be “overcome” by being shipped off to Vietnam?
AppleGirl
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:05 am [Reply]

Helloooooooo, Guy on the Stairs! I don’t know why, but this Charterstone pool party is filling me with joy and hopefulness. Maybe it’s all the attractive cardigan fall sweaters. Perfect pool attire.

FW – The Westview Ju Team is even more exciting than the Milford Ju Team! However, here at Charterstone, old men play Ju with cocktails by the pool.
Trilobite
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:07 am [Reply]

Monday’s comics –

Mary Worth: All right, Mary’s gloating over the latest life she’s ruined — this Charterstone pool party has officially started! Crank up the music! Light the funeral pyre! Bring forth her next victim! And someone push that creepy little midget away from the bowl of mini-bagels, he’s starting to freak me out!

Phantom: It’s so weird to see the Phantom actually getting involved in the capture of bad guys…usually he just stands around grinning while the wolf or the pygmies or a bunch of native kids do all the work.

I still suspect that this is going to end with Kay and Hawa deciding that the Jungle Patrol is too dangerous and that they should just go back to their old jobs. After all, that would make every single part of this entire storyline a complete waste of time, and doesn’t that sound exactly like The Phantom?
Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:07 am [Reply]

#13, That’s what I thought too. Or maybe that Ju was the coach or star player. I did linger long enough to read it again and figure out that it was supposed to read “JV,” but by that time I had stopped caring.
The Ghost of Jarrod
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:10 am [Reply]

#9: “Well, Liz needs to have a non-affair just to demonstrate how Anthony is “THE RIGHT ONE” for her.”

Hey, maybe Liz will leave Blandthony for Warren!

Yeah, I can’t type it with a straight face.
Arglebargle
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:23 am [Reply]

FOOB: …Annnnd Anthony shows up to stop another “rape,” this time killing the perp and being hauled off to jail. I hope I hope I hope.

Luann: Annnnd the Brad/Toni nonsense continues. It’s either going to be (a) Brad going berzerk because Toni keeps alternately pulling him in and pushing him off, or (b) the other guy’s actually taking Tony to the ball. OH MY THAT’S CONTROVERSIAL
Kurdt
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:26 am [Reply]

“They’re after me lucky….whatever these things are.”
athena
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:29 am [Reply]

MW: If it’s a pool party, why are they wearing turtleneck sweaters and jackets? Or is a Charterstone pool party simply a party where you stand around gaping at a pool?
Geoduck
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:36 am [Reply]

#19: “Annnnd Anthony shows up to stop another “rape,” this time killing the perp and being hauled off to jail. I hope I hope I hope.”

You’re half right. Warren’s just being brought back so Lynn can drive the last nail into his coffin; he attacks Liz, Anthony shows up and saves her. Tuw Luv forever!!
rhymes with puck
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:48 am [Reply]

FBOFW: If we’re lucky, Warren will kill Liz…of course even that wouldn’t stop this wedding.

FW: Not to poop on the wonderful JV championship, but what the %$#@ is a JV championship? Junior varsity teams don’t have championships, they play a few exhibition games to get them ready for, you know, the varsity team.

MW: Except for the fact that there is no visible pool, no one is wearing a swimsuit, and no one appears to be having fun, this is the greatest pool party in human history.

Pluggers: Hey, here’s a shocking fact about pluggers…they’re fat and don’t exercise!
Zaq
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:06 am [Reply]

A3G: Okay, so Alan has a mistress and/or prostitute sleeping with him, that’s fine. What intrigues me about this is that this is “at the studio,” despite having, like, a dresser and a bed and stuff there. Unless they mean studio apartment? Somehow I doubt that.

GT: Good hell, A-Train looks almost human in panel 3. Frank Bolle’s up to something.

DT: If this storyline turns into a recreation of “Pickman’s Model,” I will be an enormously happy Zaq. Seriously.
Lettuce
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:27 am [Reply]

FOOB: Hey! It’s a loose string dangling in the way of inevitability. I wonder how it will be pulled, accused of rape.

But it will end with a whiney proposal, and a teary “yes! Oh yes!” Because Anthony bargeing in on Warren and acting all mannish with be just enough for Johnston to believe she “showed,” instead of just “telling” us the love between Lizard Breath and My Name is Anthony Caine.

In other news, Liz with french twist = Michael with big ass.
Lettuce
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:33 am [Reply]

Ain’t no party like a Charterstone Pool Party cuz a Charterstone Pool Party don’t stop!

Seriously, it don’t stop. These people are the cursed undead, their stilted conversations about local politics being the last breaths of their shared humanity before becoming shades lost to time.

Not that its different in that way from any “active seniors” community.
monsieurjohn
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:16 am [Reply]

it wasn’t mary’s idea, it was drew’s…
John C Fremont
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:22 am [Reply]

MW – I’m not sure what Mary’s doing with her hand in that second panel, but I’m calling her Randy, ’cause she’s working it like a claw.

Foob – “My head’s a mess. Does your milk come in bags? I really need to see your milk bags!”
MrsIrB
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:57 am [Reply]

FOOB:

Apparently, you should always marry your high school sweetheart, because it’s not like you would have grown emotionally since the days of doing homework in your parents living room, and making out during the Animanics theme song.

Maybe it’s a Canadian thing. The idea of having had married my high school sweet heart (any of them… Hey, four years is too long to just have one!) has me breaking out into cold sweats.

BTW – Just found the blog yesterday, and I think you’re my new favorite way to read the comics page without having to kill a tree… or read the actual comics!
Seven
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:14 am [Reply]

MW: Apparently Charterstone has been visited by aliens. They left their crop circles behind Chinbeard in panel one. Maybe stair guy is an alien, and that’s the only way he thinks he’s being normal. Next he’ll blend in by destroying someone’s life. And wearing a kickin’ ascot.
gleeb
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:35 am [Reply]

9CL: Amos finally screws his courage to the sticking place and talks dirty to Edda.

Dick: You found him three days ago, Tracy. Stop dithering and pick up the pace!

‘bean: And a team that you aren’t coaching. Connect the dots, Flabby!

GA: I’m not the world’s most committed Gasoline Alley reader. Was Nina’s family killed in a bizarre mandolin accident?

Oh, and about the compression? I don’t care. Doesn’t bother me, probably because I usually read this without my glasses on. Just thought you might want a minority view.
Mochi
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:50 am [Reply]

FOOB: What’s up with Warren? Didn’t he used to be black? No wonder he’s upset.
Scherzo (AWOL from Jungle Patrol)
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:52 am [Reply]

Contest! Contest! Let’s write Captions for Dagwood and Blondie! See panel 3 of today’s comic.
Gagott68
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:16 am [Reply]

Luann: The only thing remotely interesting here is Brad’s retro-new wave skinny tie.

FOOB: Glurk.

GT: Eventually, A-Train will start selling the free meals to firefighters triggering a Luannesque arc of non-hilarity and/or anti-drama.

S4th: Ziiiiiinnnnng.

S-M: MJ’s question pretty much sums up this entire seriers. The answer, of course, is: Because Peter’s an idiot.

Zits: I hope Connie explains “consequences” to Jeremy with a 2×4 to the skull.

GT: “They may be involved in something illegal!”?!?!? Ya think? Maybe something like trying to cover up Luke’s murder of Bull by killing you? Well, we wouldn’t want to jump to any conclusions now, would we?
Carly
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:23 am [Reply]

Why, Elizabeth, you’re looking like Michael today. I realize that’s because you’re siblings, but you might want to consider a change of clothes nevertheless.

FW confused me a moment, as I thought it was Gil Thorpe.
Little Guy
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:40 am [Reply]

For those who joined FOOB late –

Former boyfriend who comes in the middle of the night to express his undying love — BAD

Married former boyfriend who comes after thwarting an assult from a predator to express his undying love — GOOD
Jeff O'Connor
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:48 am [Reply]

Five quatloos says that Warren gets grabby hands, Anthony walks in on them and gets the wrong idea, drama ensues for several weeks only to culminate in Anthony assaulting Warren to reclaim the lizard’s honor – and her heart.

Then I throw up a little.

Ah, unwanted sexual contact – is there *any* relationship problem you can’t solve for the Foobs?
Jeff O\'Connor
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:50 am [Reply]

@23 – you’re wrong. Warren killing Liz would stop the wedding.

It just wouldn’t stop the honeymoon.
Dono
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:54 am [Reply]

Why the hell is the guy so surprised that Westview is going to the championship game? The team was obviously playing in the game before the championship game and was good enough to get there, so why does he find it so hard to believe?
LTBF
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:54 am [Reply]

Why is Liz sitting where she is sitting? There is a desk right next to her. Yet she is grading the papers while sitting on the couch hunched over a coffee table. I guess she is doing that so she can whine about her back hurting.
LTBF
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:56 am [Reply]

I think the gay looking fire captain is actually going with someone named “Tony”, not Toni Talladega.

Hmmmmm…..Tony? Could that be T.J.’s first name?
Droom
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:00 am [Reply]

Charterstone pool parties don’t appear to involve an actual pool, but I’m betting it’s there somewhere. Concealed by magic, guarded by demons, and filled with the blood of Charterstone lottery “winners”, but it’s there.
Calico
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:03 am [Reply]

I can see my neighborhood having a March pool party – with 4 feet of snow average in everyone’s pools still, I think we’d be divin’ into mini-avalanches.
The food looks great as usual, though, at the Charterfest-large styrofoam discs with two bottles of ketchup, or maybe those bottles do contain blood Mary has sucked and preserved from past residents.
Paaaarrrrttty!
monsieurjohn
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:05 am [Reply]

Spider-man’s amnesia lasted a whopping one panel and it’s still the most interesting plot turn in years.
Calico
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:05 am [Reply]

Snuffy and family & friends – the Original Pluggers – accept no substitutes!
The Divine O’F
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:07 am [Reply]

38 Jeff O/’Connor: BWAHAHAHAHA!
ohyes
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:12 am [Reply]

Could that be the studio bed, where LuAnn once dreamed that Alan was drowning – and now he’s drowning in booze, drugs and helpful skank whores, in that same bed. Margo, call the newspapers!

This could be the tortured emotional heart of LuAnn’s next paintings of ferns.
John E.
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:13 am [Reply]

Going to Vietnam will solve Drew’s immediate problem of obtaining easily acquired, easily disposed of young nookie, but it will just lead to bigger problems when he returns to the US and is arrested for propositioning 14 year old Asian girls.
dyslexic dog
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:13 am [Reply]

#39–Dono:

Two words: Cubs fan.
LTBF
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:19 am [Reply]

Actually, Bull and the FW crowd are probably fans of the Indians, but that’s about the same thing as far as winning championships goes.

To address Dono’s question, I think the joke is that Westview’s teams are all historically terrible (especially the football team, which makes you wonder how Bull ever got a coaching job and manages to keep one), so that a team being in a title game is a huge shock to everyone.
Dingo
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:32 am [Reply]

FOOB:

1. Warren begins to cry and tells Liz that he erred and wants her back.
2. Liz offers him a drink.
3. Warren picks up Shimsi and sits on couch.
4. Phone rings. It’s Anthony.
5. Anthony asks Liz what’s she doin’.
6. Liz says, “Warren’s here and he’s strokin’ my pussy.”
7. Anthony, the balloobing idiot, drives to Liz’ apartment.
8. Anthony causes scene.
9. Liz wears Grandma’s mildewed wedding gown in ceremony with Anthony.
10. A dejected and forlorn Lynn Johnston believes she’s created GREAT ART.
11. From the grave, Charles Schulz curses her name.
Allie Cat
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]

FOOB – I think Liz should counsel Warren that to get his head right, he should hop the first plane to Hanoi and head directly to Peace Village.

There, he and Drew can get over their broken hearts and make something of themselves.

Or, she could cling to him like the life raft that he is and let him navigate her out of the quicksand that is a lifetime with Anthony.
bartcow
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:35 am [Reply]

Just to clarify…Rex and Howard Jones started this camping trip, what, six months ago??

And I thought A3G moved at a snail’s pace.
benro
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:38 am [Reply]

#50 – Actually, it’s a huge shock to me that the JV team is not yet ravaged by cancer. I guess there’s still time for that to happen before the championship game.
man behind the curtain
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

FBOW — Interesting how Warren can just pop in to Liz’s place unannounced knowing that there wouldn’t be another man there.

MW — Now Meddlin Mary can spill the beans about Drew and his “problems” so the whole world will know, even people who don’t know Drew,

LuAnn — So now Erad’s competitor is perhaps the only male even dorkier then himself. How will Toni the Tease handle this?

A3G — So apparently, Alan lives at the gallery which basically puts him at the mercy of Margo. I’m surprised he’s ben as bold as he has been towards her since at any moment he could be out of a job and out of a residence. Presenting, Alan, the starving homeless artist.
The Photocopiest
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

Seeing as how it’s Funky Winkerbean, I’m guessing the entire girls basketball team (they are the girls, aren’t they?) will all have teen pregnancies. The babies, of course, will have flesh-eating cancer.

And yet, they’ll still have a better chance of winning than Milford.
kat171
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 am [Reply]

Is anyone else having trouble telling Michael and Elizabeth apart in FBOFW? I think they’ve finally morphed into the same (dull) person.
dcflack
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:03 am [Reply]

FW – This is a perfect setup for the team to celebrate their berth in the championships with pizza at Montoni’s, and when they sit down to eat, they’ll be treated to the dogfood surprise that has become the chain’s specialty. Good eats all around! Although since this is Funky Winkerbean, instead of massive vomiting, everyone will probably die.

FOOB – I’m cautiously optimistic that this ends in a hostage standoff.
man behind the curtain
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

A3G — On second thought, maybe Alan is living at LuAnn’s old studio and Albert Pinkham Ryder has morphed into Haley.

Also, it appears that Alan, unlike New York’s latest toast, has actually sold 2 of his paintings.
12xuser
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

FW: They are surprised, not at the team’s success, but because the Jew team has never been allowed to compete at that level before.
AtomicDog of The Veterinary Patrol
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

Slylock – Considering that Dirty Dog is the only one that looks like he is dying on his feet, I would say that he is actually a very good suspect.
Dingo
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Not sure if they’ll print it but I wrote the following to the Foobacolpyse:

I have to hope that the return of Warren may mean that you’re giving Liz a chance for happiness and not this horrible story arc with “Hey, you were just almost raped? Wait for me!” Anthony. In real life, a man who marries a woman even though he’s in love with someone else, goes through the motions of a marriage yet still loves the other woman, and then mopes around her constantly is a LOSER. In many ways, the one redeeming character in the strip is the put-upon Therese and you, Lynn, demonized her.

At this stage of the game, Elizabeth Patterson deserves a life in an apartment filled with twenty-three cats and dinners consisting of frosting from a can while watching her “stories” on the television. If she marries Anthony, that’ll be the dream life she fantasizes about.

Please say you’ve brought Warren into the picture because the Frying Pan of Common Sense has smacked you in the head.
Shoshi
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:36 am [Reply]

#60–Indeed, the Jew team in Colorado has that problem with the championship:

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_8386606
Shermy Glamrocker
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Foob: At first glance, I thought that was a dildo on Liz’s coffee table, which would explain her extreme annoyance at being interrupted. Alas, it is only part of the desk chair.

MW: That’s not just any midget at the Charterstone Pool Party; it’s the result of a cloning experiment gone awry. Look closer, it’s Mini-Aldo!

And what problems will Vietnam help Drew overcome?
His obsession with a woman with who he had a few casual dates? His lack of a spine? His being an arrogant asshole? His inability to tell Mary to leave him the fuck alone? All of the above?
Brick Bradford of the Space Jungle Patrol
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:43 am [Reply]

MW The leprechaun is clearly enjoying some of the sentient alien donut things that spied on Drew and whatsherface at the “Cafe” during the six month closure scene. Now they’ve messed with Mary and are meeting a hideous fate.

FOOB I’m guess there’s a whirlybird ride in Liz’s future. But then it wouldn’t be FOOB if Lynne let something interesting happen to Liz.
WonderCat
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

I confess, I have been reading FOOB for many, many years and it wasn’t always with stomach-churning disgust. I actually discovered this blog searching for other people as angry as I was over how STUPID these people have become around the time of the whole “turns out Paul is a rampaging asshole” storyline. But at today’s plot twist, she really goes too far. Can we please just have the horrifying wedding in Grandma’s mildewing dress and get it the hell over with?? Please? Enough with the teasing us. Enough with the dangling clearly superior mates in front of us only to point out how they just prove the point that every man who is NOT Blandthony is, well, a rampaging asshole and/or potential rapist. (Although, it could very well also turn out that Warren is messed up in the head because he has suddenly realized he is in love with somebody else. Like April. Which would make him a rampaging asshole and/or pedophile, but at least he could give Liz his blessing to marry.) Seriously, though, Lynn. ENOUGH already!
mere cog in the machine
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

Zits: As far as I’m concerned, Jeremy is on the verge of overtaking Dilbert as the Biggest Asshole in comics. I can only hope and pray that all teenagers are not as thoroughly obnoxious and narcissistically self-involved as this spoiled little prick, but just the same I’m glad I never had to deal with them; my version of discipline just isn’t accepted in these PC times.
Gregoire
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

MW – Oh, they’re “suggestions” now

and what were Drew’s “problems”? Gee where was Mary when I got divorced, I could have been banished to some third world country too?
Calico
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

#23 – “Liz, my head’s a mess – I have a confession to make – I’ve been sleeping with your lover, Anthony, for the last 6 months.”
Shoshi
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]

#66 – I, also, had been reader of FOOB for many years, but stopped reading the newspaper for a number of years and lost track. I recently re-subscribed and with my renewed interest read the book “Suddenly Silver: Celebrating 25 Years of For Better or For Worse”.

It was only after reading Lynn’s autobiographical essays, and the essays about her by her various family members, that I began to realize for the first time what a creepy side she has to her personality, which gave me a different perspective on the strips. However, I’ve got to hand it to her for having the courage to include that kind of unflattering stuff in a published book…
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:54 am [Reply]

3/3

FOOB: Unc Lumpy has posted it in color. I had thought that Warren was supposed to be a light Afro-Canadian. Are the coloring gnomes asleep at the switch again?

MT: Mark, they tried to kill you, dude. That in itelsf is–believe it or not–illegal. Your work is done here.

RMMD: “Hot shower”, “handled yourself well”, etc. Yeah, this is pretty much writing itself.

A3G: Oh, how sweet. Jones has been playing junkie matchmaker for Alan. Or this is Margo’s half-sister, the child of Gabriela and a broom.

Blondie: Wouldn’t it be more on point if Blondie and Dagwood were replaced in the last panel by two cretins eating a scorpion?

MC: Not just humicorns, naked humicorns. Let’s see more of Bridget’s adolescent fantasy world.

DtM: What is this, pink ribbon bondage? That’s what I get from Joey’s look of queasy excitement.

BB: The BBJGLU3000 has decided that nothing is funnier than thumbtacks being pressed into soft human flesh.

HtH: They’ll get to the top of the hill and Funky Winkerbean will be pontificating to “Pizza World.”

SFx: “Dirty Dog”? You can’t fool me! That’s Poochy, the short-lived addition to the “Itchy and Scratchy” cast. That dude is totally in my face!

BC: Peter should know BC better than that.

Luann: This other fireman is just Ben with bleached hair. All the women in this strip seem to want Jarod Fogle.

GT: This story has been the kind Gil likes. The kind, that is, where he doesn’t have to do anything.

Big Dog: It’s Catholic guilt. This is the first time Marmaduke has ever slaughtered a priest.

6C: That is an iPod, right? Or can you bring your sex toys to Heaven?

Phantom: This isn’t a case of being “faster than lightning” so much as “Phantom moves faster than the poky morons who fight him.”

Momma: Sonia primps her hair Mae West-style, as Thomas’ Oedipal nightmare contimues.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp: There’s someone named Seja in Gil Thorp?

thorpName := StringJoin[CharacterRange["a", "z"][[RandomInteger[{1, 26}, RandomInteger[{3, 8}]]]]]
Calico
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

#27 – But all of Drew’s actions are based on what Mary programmed into his brain.
However, if that includes going to numerous Hanoi brothels, I think I will reprogram my own brain with sulfuric acid.

Elder Cory probably was ill from syphillis during his stint at Peace Village. Blaarrrch.
Brick Bradford of the Space Jungle Patrol
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

Wow–almost missed the outbreak of action in Dick Tracy. Door knocking and cries of “go away”–even as Tracy repeats the SAME THOUGHTS HE’S BEEN THINKING FOR THE LAST SIX DAYS!!!!!!

Next: Liz suggests to her captor that she’s been kidnapped!
Dingo
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

Wondercat, if Warren were in love with April, it would make him a pederast. Pedophilia is sex with children who have not yet reached puberty.
WonderCat
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

#70 – Your vague comments on “unflattering stuff” intrigue me. I may just have to try and dig up a copy of that book…

Completely on a side-note, I know what I’m talking about with Grandma’s old wedding dress. My Nana pulled out hers before I got married, thinking I might want to wear it. As a general FYI, delicate fabrics don’t hold up too well after 60 years in a box in a crawl space. Michael’s still an asshole to treat it like garbage, but yeah. It would be pretty unwearable.

And NO, I did NOT marry my high school sweetheart!
Shoshi
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

#75 – You think April is a boy??
Calico
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

#55 – Well, at least Warren didn’t interrupt Liz while she was masturbating on the couch while visualizing Rudy and Candace doing it.
Rainbird
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

16 Trilobite

What annoys me about the Phantom was that he was supposed to be helping the two women, not taking over the operation. Sheesh.

I hope he at least lets them mop up.
Shoshi
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:17 am [Reply]

#76 – I did marry [one of] my high-school sweetheart[s], but if anyone in my family ever owned a wedding gown, it was long-gone by then.

The “unflattering stuff” was mostly just her self-importance, overblown ego, and lack of sensitivity to others. I guess I would have expected her to be more grounded.

However, she says these things in retrospect, so that means she’s completely unlike that now…
Shoshi
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:19 am [Reply]

#78 – “…visualizing Rudy and Candace doing it.” EWW. Now I have to wash out my mind’s eye!
Joe, Upper-Evergreen Division of the Jungle Patrol
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:20 am [Reply]

Asshole FunkyPrick: Christ. Two weeks of Funky being a dick, then it just cuts off to Summer’s basketball game.

FOOB: I’d like to think that Elizaloser will dump Pastythony and get back together with Warren. But no, that won’t happen, because Elizaloser is just that……..a loser who turned her own life into a sad joke. Lynn has this shit all planned out and nothing can stop it. This is where Warren gets the boot from Elizaloser.
WonderCat
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

Dingo – Shoshi has it right; pederasts exclusively target young boys. I don’t think the term “pedophile” specifically refers to pre-adolescents, just children in general. I know April wrote some sort of horrible song about being a woman now that she’s sixteen — I guess it all depends on the age of consent in Canada. And while I know the difference between a pedophile and a pederast (only because of reading Patrick O’Brien novels, I swear!) I admit I don’t know much about Canadian law.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

#83 Wondercat,
So what do you call someone who targets young girls? I mean, besides “R Kelly.”
Calico
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

#83 – The song including treacle and grease like “I’m gonna raise a little Hell.”
Oh, boy.
Calico
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Includes, I mean.
#84 – My answer would be, “Gross.”
mere cog in the machine
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

#83 Wondercat: Andrew Wray is my all time favorite pederast! And as far as I’m concerned, April hit the wall when she was thirteen.
Gabacho
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

Mary Worth – Amazing how the Charterstone pool party is not just a plot device in Mary Worth to introduce new losers in Santa Royale, but has now spread its influence to other strips e.g. Rex Morgan, Mark Trail, possibly even to FooB.

It cannot be a coincidence that each of these slow moving, almost unplotted strips should wind up their stories at the same time.

Mary’s influence is spreading and soon everyone will feel it in the comics universe.

I warn you people, the end of days is nigh and it comes not with a bang, but a casserole.
Dingo
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Thanks for the clarification. April Patterson… born whorish.
Flipper
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

Good gosh, Uncle Lumpy, Josh must have you on a very tight daily bit allowance. If you need the file sizes that tiny, I’d suggest dropping a comic from your snark list and dividing the spoils among the others to lighten their compression. You’re too prolific for your own good!

Today you should have given Rex Morgan a rest. He needs it to get over that nasty case of jaundice he & Niki developed on their camping trip.
Shoshi
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:07 am [Reply]

RMMD – No comment on “You handled yourself well last night, Niki”? I guess none is needed…
Antelope Freeway
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Or, in foob parlance, roadside.
WonderCat
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

#85 – Mr. O’Brien never covered that. I think it just wasn’t so much of an issue in the Royal Navy…

#87 – You mean “paederast,” right? :) FOOB would undoubtedly be infinitely improved by a dose of the alcoholic tincture of laudanum. And some judicious bleeding.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

3/3:

Herb & Jamaal. Panel 1 is a shining example of “things that nobody would ever say, except to introduce ambiguity in a comic strip”. The only thing more contrived would be, let’s see, a first panel where a character says “I’m going to kill myself!” Then in a later panel, they say “Yes, Elwood the elf, I’m sick of this rodent infestation, so I’m going to kill mice, elf!”

Pluggers. Look at the window of the diner. The last word is “hot”. Does this make sense? What does their sign say? “We serve food which is hot”? “Our coffee is hot”?
WonderCat
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 am [Reply]

Oops. My previous comment was actually to #84, not 85.
Brick Bradford of the Space Jungle Patrol
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

I haven’t noticed the compression problem so many are busting poor old Uncle Lumpy’s chops about–looks about the same to me.

However, everybody in Lost Forest seems to have come down with yellow jaundice–no doubt related to Bull Malone’s nefarious activities–maybe there’s an epidemic in The Community.
Perky Bird
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

# 94 Skullturf:
I wouldn’t be surprised if Plugger restaurants found it necessary to state that their food is hot. In fact, there’s a Mexican restaurant near me that does something similar. On its window is a proudly painted sign stating “We make our food daily!” Well, I should hope so. Fresh enchiladas can be risky enough, let alone week-old enchiladas!

Or, the Plugger could just be eating at a Krispy Kreme, since they do indeed have a neon sign that announces when their donuts are hot.
commodorejohn
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

Blondie – Wow, topical! I mean, it’s only two weeks after the strike ended!

DT – Ooh, a double installment of Panels I Will Use For Album Covers Someday, with panels one and three. Very nice, even if we are still stuck with Dick Tracy’s “one new panel per day” plot-advancement technique.

FOOB – Huh, Warren got Michael Jackson’s skin disease while he was away. Anyway, more dilly-dallying from Lynn – I think she’s purposefully trying to make the Loveocalypse drag out as long as possible, just to drive us up the wall. I mean, we already know where this is going. Warren’s going to get all cop-a-feely or some damn thing, and then Anthony will show up and have to deliver another improbably powerful punch just so we see he’s really, really noble and righteous and is alone worthy of the Golden Vagina. We could just skip the next month altogether, but nooo, we have to sit through more glorification of Fishface, as Lynn frantically tries yet again to force her readers to love him the way she does. Look for Coffee Stalk to be flooded with panicky letters from slow-witted grandmas who are senile enough to believe that Warren might stand a chance of stealing the Ice Queen away from the Paste King.

JP – C’mon, something happen already!

Luann – Oh great, another stupid storyline we won’t care about.

Marmaduke – Marmaduke has a conscience and is therefore a moral creature with a soul. This means it is possible he can go to Hell. YES.

MW – Okay, from what I gather, the pool party is where Mary Worth switches storylines, right? So…what next? More Dawn-the-former-ugly-duckling? How about another psychic?

MC – Whoa, getting some serious Inherit The Earth vibes here.

OBH – Please let this turn into a Waiting For Godot parody…

Ziggy – People think Ziggy is as dumb as he looks.
Zaq
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

Every couple of weeks, I run a very silly role-playing game with a group of my friends, known as “Kobolds Ate My Baby!” It’s rather like a Warner Brothers cartoon in that there’s a lot of death, random violence, a casual disregard for the laws of physics, and 95% of the characters are demonstrable idiots, but it’s a lot of fun.

What does this have to do with comics, you ask? Well, I like to spice up the game by adding spells, classes, and so on of my own device. Last week I decided that I’d like to have my players work together a little more instead of always eating each other (which I mean literally… and I am quite in favor of them eating each other, I just like to change things around every once in a while), so I included, among other things, the classes “Coach” and “Meddling Biddy.” The Coach class was rather transparently based on Gil, with the example of “coaching advice” given being “The center inbounds to the Wing-T, cuts across, and sets a screen, got it?” and class features such as the inability to count (“First off, you shouldn’t KNOW how many you scored!”). The Meddling Biddy could basically alter another player’s course of action if they phrased their advice in the form of an awkward platitude, and they got a bonus if they possessed the Beige Casserole item (description: “Smells like turpentine and spite.”) Frankly, it was rather glorious all around if I do say so myself. Oh, and afterwards, I asked my players what they thought of the new classes, and one of the overwhelming responses was, “I liked the Meddling Biddy class, but it was WAY TOO POWERFUL.” To which I responded “Well, that’s fair… but that’s Mary Worth.”

I dunno if anyone but myself will find this interesting, but I figured I’d mention it. If anyone’s actually interested in the longer descriptions of the relevant classes, I’ll share them, but I won’t bore those people who don’t care about the game mechanics with them.
Metellus
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

The sad thing is that Funky Winkerbean is way better at depicting sports than Gil Thorp ever will be.
Flipper
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

“1. Cut a hole in a box…”

Years of therapy are in store for Dennis, but his menacing points have gone off the scale.
commodorejohn
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

#99 Zaq – Sounds fun. You should set up a page with the rules for your game so the rest of us can give it a shot.
UncleJeff
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

FOOB – wasn’t it about this time last year that
Lynn re-introduced “Warren, the Flying Plot Device”?
I originally was going to give Lynn some “props” for bringing back the pilot but now I bow to the rest of the ‘minions.
A real plot spinner would have been having Granthony wearing nothing but a towel coming out of Liz’s bathroom to witness Warren’s big hug.
A towel or a gimp suit.
UncleJeff
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

#69 (how appropriate) Calico.
Now, THAT would be a plot spinner!
JP (not Judge Parker)
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

16 and 79: The most exciting part of the current Phantom story line was one of the girls saying the phrase “jungle patrol badges.” Turns out actually earning said badges is really dull.
benro
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

“My head’s a mess right now. I dropped a couple tabs an hour ago and I need to hold onto you until the house stops melting”
Onqelos
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Dick Tracy: Under the Dick Tracy frame on my Darkgate Slurper page it says, “This comic changed 6 hours and 27 minutes ago.”

But… they lie.
Jake
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

commodorejohn says:
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:25 am

Blondie – Wow, topical! I mean, it’s only two weeks after the strike ended!

I had the same thought this morning.

{sarcasm}
Three cheers to Dean Young and John Marshall for striking while the iron is hot!
{/sarcasm}
Revenge of Chesnut
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Re: FOOB and the imminent potential sexual assault to be interrupted by That Other Guy: That really is one of the most non-consensual hugs I’ve ever seen. It can only get better from here.
Shermy Glamrocker
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

# 106 Benro

“My head’s a mess right now. I dropped a couple tabs an hour ago and I need to hold onto you until the house stops melting”

That’s the most sensible explanation for his appearance, so far.
UncleJeff
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

BTW; MW — “Above and beyond”? You mean like abandoning his patients to go on an ego-replenishing trip to cure the poor downtrodden?

Funky Cancerbean — The Pioneer-Press has reduced in size to where I literally had to run down the sidewalk to catch today’s edition as it was blown away by the wind (plastic baggie and all!) and they still have enough space to stuff this piece of crap?
Eric the Baker, Jungle Patrol Nutrition Division
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

I’d like to take the potential story of Warren one step further.
- Anthony comes over.
- He witnesses Warren and Lizzy hugging.
- He slugs Warren.
- Anthony gets hauled away for criminal assault.
- The FOOB wedding of the century takes place in a crowded prison visiting room with Anthony in prison khakis, and Dizzy Lizzy in granny’s dress.
- Last panel, Anthony carrying Lizzy over the threshold, into the on-site conjugal visit trailer.
WonderCat
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

MW – Thank you UncleJeff for being the first person to point out that Drew seems to have no problem just up and quitting his job, leaving behind his patients, just because he can’t handle the ONE rejection he has evidently ever received in his stud-muffiny life.
Zaq
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

#112 Eric the Baker: I’d like to see that, but Lynnie would screw even that up, by having Michaeliz (in Ms. Haversham dress, naturally) give an impassioned defense of Inevithony detailing his “concern for her” an’ his “true love” an’ that he “just cared about her, is all.” Grandpa will overcome his aphasia enough to croak out a similar defense (possibly due to Facilitated Communication on the part of Iris? Look it up if you don’t know what I mean.) and will die, for emphasis, Therese, who would be sitting on the jury panel, would have a Change Of Heart and move to acquit Inevithony, then become a nun in the Church of the Mother-Goddess Elly to atone for her past sinful ways, the Merging would inexorably continue (possibly right there in the courtroom, after some ridiculous deus ex machina brought in appropriate flowers and decorations and shit), April would give birth right there in the courtroom and Therese would accidentally smother the baby (thus reaffirming her status as Evil and making sure that April didn’t have to actually deal with the consequences), Michaeliz and Inevithony will magnanimously forgive April for having the audacity to give birth at their wedding, Elly will gush over how loving and forgiving Michaeliz and Inevithony are, Michael will write some godawful bit of glurge for the wedding vows, Inevithony will change his name to Patterson rather than the other way around, an’ we’ll finally get that lynch mob we’ve always wanted.

Of course, by the time this all happens, I’ll probably have a family of my own (speaking as someone without any plans to do so, nor any partner with which to do them), because when it comes to The Merging, Mary Fucking Worth moves quickly in comparison, and yes, I AM including the goddamn Chester storyline.
Kurdt
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Middle Age Pool Party (A song)

Pool Party
With all of my friends
Pool Party
The fun never ends
First we’ll talk and eat some food
“I am fine and how are you.”
We’re all old so no one’s rude
All dressed up in our turtle necks
We’ll get really drunk and then have sex
Pool orgy
With all of my friends
Pool orgy
The fun never ends…
Gatorman
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

OK…sorry if I missed this discussion already but I’ve been meaning to ask. Why is it in the Mary Worth universe time moves about as quickly as a geologic epoch, but when it’s time to ship off Dr. Corey the Younger to the (apparently) plague-invested wilds of Vietnam, they can’t get him on a plane quick enough!?!
UncleJeff
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

Mallard Fillmore — Tinsley, you can’t draw Hillary.
You made the cute little beagle from the dog show look like a cross between a Brittany spaniel and a dachshund and you can’t even draw a damn duck.
Give it up.
Shoshi
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

FOOB Prophecy–After Liz and Anthony marry, Therese will attempt to take custody of the kid.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

#94 SQB,

I wanna thank you faletinme kill mice elf, again.

Apologies to Sly Stone.
kingklash
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

There’s no party like a Charterstone Party, ’cause a Charterstone Party don’t start!
Ron
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

It’s nice to see that Mary’s foresaken her sham of koolaid and vodka for just straight vodka in this one.
queek
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

MC: “humicorns” made my day. The joys of a funny animal strip. :-)

A3G: didn’t take long for one of the Milford girls B-Ball team to make it over to A3G, now that both strips share an artist.

The Freep didn’t include todays Candorville, yet its up online. Guess it was too overtly political or something?

Maintaining and RwO are not the two strips that I would have guessed would be making afro jokes on the same day. (as a bit of a yesterthread comment, the Sunday Maintaining was fairly clever, which for this strip is a rarity.)

Little Dog Lost has a very aptly named artist. “Boreman” says it all. zzzzzzzzz.

Frazz: win!

SF: pwnd. (nicely done, Ces!)
commodorejohn
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

#114 Zaq – Man, you just summed up modern FOOB in one run-on paragraph. Hats off to you.
Zaq
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

116 Gatorman: Honestly, it’s pretty simple. See, time passed incredibly slowly for the past month or two because Mary wasn’t involved yet. Drew narrating his walk, having “closure” with Vera, falling into comically melodramatic despair over a woman I think he might have maybe kissed once and then cheated on, a woman who, I might add, he hadn’t seen in months (well, I’m making assumptions here. It was probably only a few days, but still, he fucking cheated on her)… all of that can take forever because it was building up to Mary’s Suggestion. Once Mary has laid down her Platitudes and her Suggestion, however, the universe must fall into place to do her bidding. I know there was some waffling for a week or two afterwards, instead of Mary laying down her pronouncement and Drew getting on a plane the next day (sort of like what happened when Mary decided to “rescue” Jeff from Vietnam), but that was just so Mary could spew a few more Platitudes. (By the way, they’re platitudes when you and I say them, and they’re Platitudes when Mary does. Just for reference.) But really, once Mary laid down the law, that was that. Mary says he’s going to Vietnam, you better believe he’s going to Vietnam, and he’s not going to wait around about it. Mary has spoken.
Little Guy
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

71: MC: I was lulled by Mellissa’s anime style to realize *whoa that let that through*.

However, there aren’t enough obligatory and perfunctionary panty shots.
Sans Sense
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

“Everybody was pistol fighting
That Phantom is fast as lightning
In fact they were a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing

They were funky Bangallan men from funky Mawitaan
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It’s an ancient Bangallan art and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and shooting from the hip

Everybody was pistol fighting
That Phantom is fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing”

Old Jungle Saying
El Santo
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

So Michael and Warren are having a secret tryst? The plot thickens!
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^) Your Very Own Christian Single
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

Why does Blondie always sit facing away from the television? I mean, isn’t the sound more distracting than the visuals? It’s so weird to have an armchair turned away like that in the living room. If she didn’t want to be distracted she would move to another room, right?
mere cog in the machine
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I think it’s quite telling that the only characters to exhibit anything approaching sexuailty in this malignant running sore of a strip are either underaged girls or would-be rapists. The fact that Robin and Meredith exist and are, ostensibly, actual Pattersons leads me to conclude that Dee extracted Michaels bland, insipid sperm with a breast pump while he was sleeping off the effects of some hot chocolate and his own writing journals. And have you ever seen anything more vile than an unshaven John and an unshaven Elly in bed together? As for Anthony, well, really. And Liz, a single girl in her twenties that is apparently supposed to be attractive (until she started morphing into her brother) has all the sex appeal of a hefty bag filled with dirty diapers.
I can only conclude that the unspoken hero in this travesty is Lynn Johnston’s husband, who had the essential decency to cheat on his narcissistic hag of a wife. At least he’s got blood in his veins, instead of soy milk.
Sans Sense
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

#129. Mere Cog -

That is… going to leave a mark. Ouch.
BigDave
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

On the bright side –

It would appear that this may be the week of the much-awaited Ted Forth cameo in “Pearls Before Swine”.
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^) Your Very Own Christian Single
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

Does anyone who’s been reading FOOB for a while want to explain who Warren is? I’ve only started reading this year, and I refuse to go to Lynn’s horrific site to read up on this Liz crap.
Cavour
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

Careful there, Warren. The last male who tried holding Liz against her flighty and nonsensical will got a fierce nip twisting.
commodorejohn
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

#132 Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^) Your Very Own Christian Single – Warren is one of the many Unworthy Men in the strip. He’s a formerly black helicopter pilot whom Liz dated for a while before she got mad at him for not being able to spend every waking moment within twenty feet of her (a common theme in Liz’s relationships) and he had the audacity to find other women attractive, apparently believing that the Thought Police wouldn’t find him out.
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^) Your Very Own Christian Single
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

#21 Athena – Would you REALLY want to see ANY of those characters dressed in appropriate attire for a pool party? I don’t want to see Ian in a speedo, or Mary in a bikini. Noooo thank you.
GotFuzzy
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

Warren is a helicopter pilot that Liz met (I think) while she was still at school. I seem to remember (like you, I don’t want to dive into the website) that they never really dated, but they seemed to flirt and he choppered her back and forth from Mtigawhatnow a couple of times. He came back last year to drop the anvils of foreshadowing that Paul the Mountie was mounting his (guess who) childhood friend Suds (or was she Chipper?) and took Liz back to be dumped face to face. They did go to St. Michael’s book publishing party, and he had the temerity to lust after the models in Weed’s photos in his heart while standing next to The Golden Vagina (thanks, commodorejohn!), so we clearly knew he was not The One. He disappeared again just in time for Inevithony (thanks, Zaq!) to shave off his pornstache and schlep back onto the scene. I kept hoping that Warren would make a grand play for Liz’s affection by towing a banner behind his helicopter, and those little zyphers that are always stirring up the autumn leaves in Millborough (where it is evidently always autumn) would blow the banner into the rotors and the whole thing would come whirling down onto the PatterManse (this is when they were all jammed into the one house) and end it all already. But I guess not. *sigh*
Valley of the Foobs
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

#98: Commodore John: Don’t be too sure that there are as many Grannies for Grandthony as you assume out there. An 84-year-old of my acquaintance refers to him as “that twerp Anthony.” And that’s the only non-scatological word she uses in relation to him. She gets a lot pithier as a week of Anthony-and-Liz-romance goes on.

I have sent her a link to this website. It’s the only way she’ll make it through this plot line without imploding.
GotFuzzy
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

zephyrs

Dammit!
commodorejohn
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

#137 Valley Of The Foobs – Good to hear. I wasn’t implying that all grannies are Foobfans, not by a long shot. But the only people I can fathom cheering for Pasty Fishlips are the sort of senile old women and shallow middle-aged suburban moms who think soap operas are “moving.” Well, them and Bob the robot.
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

I think my MW got lost in the shuffle of the buffet action (but yeah, no one parties at a pool party like a liquored-up Mary!):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2307036808/

And some stories DON’T have happy endings (no, this is not a reference to Rex ‘n’ Niki):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2308362440/
gkl
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

I sat through an entire episode (almost) of Walker, Texas Ranger this weekend. (The one where Walker operates “Camp Justice” [yes, "Camp Justice" -- at least, that's what his hat said] where juvenile delinquents get rehabilitated by a course of long runs alternated with with “inspirational” sayings.) That dude spouted off platitude after platitude like a certain old biddy we all love to hate. And you never see them in the same place at the same time. I guess what I’m trying to say is… I think Mary Worth and Chuck Norris might be the same person.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

141 — Go to http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com and replace “Chuck Norris” with “Mary Worth”, and replace “roundhouse kick” with “platitude”, and it makes some interesting reading. I wish I could automate the process.
pengoons
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

Good God!!! I have been only sporadically able to keep up with the various stories since getting badly behind on an extended vacation last October, but I click on the Curmudgeon today and find that Rex and pointyhair boy are JUST NOW GOING HOME FROM THE F’N FISHING TRIP?????

Seriously. Where the hell were they fishing?? And doesn’t this set some kind of record for plot stretching???
Sans Sense
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

#143. pengoons -

I believe the fishing story holds the current record for plot stretching but it will be a brief reign as Abbey vainly searches Biff’s property for the next 76 weeks with Biff’s wife glaring at her with menace? disinterest? lust? free-wheelin’ orbs?
Comcis Fan
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

Re Family Circus, I know this is a few days out of date, but can someone tell me what was going on with the snowmen and our “cool friends.” I notice in one panel there was a shrink named “Dr. Patsis,” so I figured that someone it was a swipe at Pearls Before Swine. Were the others satire of some sort about other strips? Did I miss the big joke?
Baka Gaijin
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

#99 Zaq: “Smells like turpentine and spite.” The new cologne from Charterstone Enterprises. Mary Worth. For when you want to smell like beige casserole. Mary Worth. Available at The Broadway, I Magnin, and Gimbels.

Sally Forth: Faye! You’re a Mudge, aren’t you!
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^) Your Very Own Christian Single
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

#134 commodorejohn – Thanks, that pretty much sums it up for me :)
Benjamin Baxter
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

Today’s Blondie:

There was seriously no chance that the powers that be could have stopped the presses on the tardy Writer’s Strike humor?

Isn’t that the reasoning having a bunch of comics made in advance?

http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/
GROAN..
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

I just wanted to say I’m glad I wasn’t alone in noticing “Milwestfordview”. Are the strips merging? Will we be treated to an eventual premiere of “Gilky Thorperbean”? Mmmm… if only the art and writing were the other way around. Head-bobbles n’ cancer, WOO-HOO!
Gagott68
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

142. Al:

When Mary Worth was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, she platituded the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.

A Mary Worth-delivered platitude is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1MWP (Mary Worth Platitude)

If tapped, a Mary Worth platitude could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Mary Worth platitude.

When you’re Mary Worth, anything + anything is equal to One. One platitude to the face.

In the beginning there was nothing…then Mary Worth platituded that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.

Little known medical fact: Mary Worth invented the Caesarean section when she platituded her way out of her mother’s womb.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Mary Worth platituded one of the corners off.

Mary Worth keeps her friends close and her enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one platitude to the face.

Mary Worth platitudes don’t really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Mary Worth instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Mary platituded Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.

The last thing you hear before Mary Worth gives you a platitude? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

Mary Worth doesn’t play God. Playing is for children.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Mary Worth can actually platitude you yesterday.

Finally:

When Mary Worth talks, everybody listens. And dies.
Baka Gaijin
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

#150 Gagott68: Oh My GAWD!!! I just about died laughing at your post. Keep it up!

Everyone else: Is it just me or has this thread been chock full of prime, Grade A snark? I’m glad I’m not chosing COTW this week.
man behind the curtain
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

New slogan of the Vietnam Tourist Board

Come over (for a holiday) and we will help you over come (your problems)

Visit Vietnam — it’s cheaper than therapy and a lot more fun.
Valley of the Foobs
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Commodore John, I didn’t mean to imply that you lump all elderly people into the halfwit, meddling-Mary-Worth category. My friend’s vocabulary when she refers to Anthony—well, let’s just say it’s an education.

Speaking of which, I have been learning many things while lurking here. I am embarrassed to admit that I had never heard the expression “gimp suit” before. I had to resort to google to figure out what it is. Now the image of Anthony thus attired is burned into my brain. Ouch.
BigTed
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Hey, look, everyone! The Charterstone pool has been filled with those alien cocoons from “Cocoon”! All we have to do is jump in, and we’ll be young again! What? Oh, wait, Mary says we shouldn’t go in the pool so soon after eating. And it’s kind of chilly out. And there’s no lifeguard on duty. And anyway, we all should be thinking about things like volunteer work overseas and not selfish stuff like eternal youth. Okay, Mary. You win. Again. I think I’ll go home and drink a liter of scotch now.
man behind the curtain
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

Family Circus — And maybe it’s time for the whole family to take a permanent vacation.
Calico
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

#98 – “Golden Vagina”
I think it’s time for Liz to get herself some antibiotics, then.
Gagott68
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

151 Baka G.: Thanks but Al came up with the concept. I just executed the “replace” function.
Jamus The Bartender
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

FOOB: A thousand times ew. Warren’s going all Howard Erk on Liz just to put Anthony in a sense of panic, and hammer home the point that other men want Liz bad, so he’s gotta marry her fast. What’s the deal with Canada anyway? I know it’s sparsely populated, but are there no other women in Canada for a dashing and I guess good-looking chopper pilot to reproduce with? Or is Liz it?
Darkefang
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

A3G: Why does Margo seem less bitchy than usual? And why is Alan calling her “Haley”?

DtM: Joey, how many times have I told you? Stop touching my mom’s box!

MW: What problems? A girl who broke up with him months ago got a new boyfriend. That’s not much of a problem. Being addicted to crack is a problem. Owing money to the mafia is a problem.

RMMD: I don’t blame Niki. I’d just want to go home and take a shower too if I took cash to handle myself the night before.
Calico
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

What continues to worry and bother me about Mary today is her weird hand position in panel 2.
“And then I squashed his free will between my fingers, just like that.”
DAS
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

Revised text for Mary Worth:

Caption: Mary Worth proceeds to explain to her protege, Toby, the ropes of being a Capo di Capi in the Platitude Division of La Cosa Nostra (the general scam being “If you don’t pay me, I’ll start making you take my platitudinous advice”).

MW: So Drew took my “suggestion” and he’s gone off to “Peace Village” to “help” the “children” there, capiche?

MWIT (Mary Worth in Training): How does his father feel about that?

MW: I see, you are learning well: his father’s feelings provide another avenue of meddling … anyway, his father feels what I tell him to feel — and I’ve told Jeff that he is fine and indeed proud of Dr. Drew’s “decision”. And if Dr. Drew doesn’t overcome his problems? well, he knows what happened to Aldo.

Missing third panel: an uninvited guest asks Mary Worth for a favor, because a biddie cannot refuse requests on the day of her condo’s pool party.

(cue Godfather music)
colonial
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

FW: I’ve never heard of a JV championship game in any high school sport. When I was in HS, many moons ago, the varsity always had the chance to compete in the playoffs, while the junior varsity and frosh teams just played a regular season schedule.

Shocked that Bull (and Batiuk) would be surprised that a Westview team would do that well. I remember FW doing a storyline about a decade ago where a Bull-coached football team made it to the state playoffs by going undefeated — the caveat being that all of their regular-season wins came by forfeit. In typical FW style, Bull’s team got slaughtered in the playoff game.
WonderCat
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

#150 – Bursting into choked laughter while reading a comics blog at work is probably not a good thing with my annual review coming up this week. I would say it was “Worth it,” but I fear that treads way too close to turning myself into a typical Foobian last panel joke.
mere cog in the machine
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

161: “You come to my house on the day of my Condo’s pool party and ask me to do meddling?” Brilliant! We don’t even need to put cotton in her cheeks; she’s already got great jowls!
WonderCat
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

Good lord. Googling “gimp suit” at work probably wasn’t a good idea either.
Patrick
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

My head actually hurts from reading today’s strips. The only relief comes from reading today’s snarks especially the Mary Worth translation of Chuck Norris facts. That was truly priceless. I’ll add one more–

Mary Worth doesn’t do push-ups, she platitudes the earth down!
ConcreteQueen
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

Once again, the Creator (aka Lyn Johnston) taunts poor Liz with a not-Anthony. She will, shortly, demonize him and send him on his way, leaving Liz with no other option but to marry Anthony in her grandmother’s mouldering wedding gown and raise his spawn by other women. And they say Funky Winkerbean is depressing.
Little Guy
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

167: So, Anthony’s going to wear the wedding gown?
WonderCat
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

Come to think of it, why wouldn’t Anthony wear the wedding gown? He certainly didn’t wear the pants in the family during his first marriage, and lack of mustache non-withstanding I don’t really see any change in him since then.
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

150. Gagott68: this is absolute gold. Or maybe the Mary Worth standard. Nicely done!
Master Mahan
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

Don’t be fooled! Mary would sooner kill than let someone help a child. Peace Village can only be the name of the cult compound Drew has been recruited into.
Perky Bird
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

#152 man behind the curtain:

I’m not so sure Vietnam would be cheaper than therapy. I guess it would depend on whether or not you have prescription drug coverage and how many rounds of antibiotics you’ll need to get rid of that “souvenir” you’ll bring back.
ConcreteQueen
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

#168 — Not quite what I meant, but would definitely improve the inevitable three weeks of wedding strips. *g*
True Fable
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

I have been really hurting for free time all weekend and today, so I have not been able to snark as I’d like about the Recent Developments. But boy howdy, come midnight I will be at the ready with a whetstone over the serial strips and FBOFW, or as it’s called at the Fable compound Lynn Hates Men And Here’s Why. Well, it’s known as other things but that one looks applicable for this week I betcha.

Later, ‘gators! Brace for a Rant or two!
Certified Christian
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

Liz: “Warren … this isn’t talking! You need to lose the erection and say goodnight.”
Warren: “I’m sorry. I’m just so excited to see you – it won’t go down.”
Liz: “Well smothering it isn’t going to help.”
commodorejohn
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

#174 True Fable – Eagerly awaiting.
Nekrotzar
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

Of course Anthony is going to wear the gown. Come on, you don’t seriously think that Warren would?
Patrick
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Anyone notice in the Mark Trail and the RMMD posted above that Mark and Rex look quite a bit alike? Imagine the cross over possibilities as Mark Trail gets mistaken for the doc as soon Lee gets out of jail for the robbery and goes looking for revenge. Lets go for the ultimate crossover with Rex, Mark and Gil Thorp all in the same room together and Lee doesn’t know which one to pump a few bullets into so he guns them all down.
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

178. Patrick: oh, Patrick — you are such a tease!
Grover Cleveland
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

I think Anthony looked better with the mustache.
Gabacho
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Sally Forth – I have been so busy today that I forgot to check Sally Forth until just now.

This is the second best Sally Forth ever!!! Yes, I did three exclamation points.

I love Faye. She’s like a really hot little dyke version of the Laura, who still has the best SF line – “I hear a woman’s voice. Is that Ted?” is the gold standard but oh, there is hope for tomorrow.

Well done, Mr. Marc a-e-i-o-u (and sometime y and w)liano, total score.
Mountain Mama
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

I read somewhere that Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. What do Mary Worth’s tears cure? Genital warts?
Gagott68
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

182. MM: Liver spots.
boojum
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

182. MM — Joy.
Brown-eyed Girl
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

150. Gagott68 Bwahahaha! (back to lurking now)
Harold, Garfield Single minus Christian
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

Big Dave @#131 – I’m glad I’m not the only one who remembered what Rat being a concierge means! FATHERS, LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS! TED FORTH IS ON HIS WAY!
treedweller
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

When you consider that Mary will be telling Chinbeard she and Jeff hope the trip will do Drew some good, he went from never considering a trip to hopping a plane in, like, seven seconds. What, did he kill someone or something when we weren’t look—OH MY GOD!

I just realized the odds are good Anthony will “rescue” Liz from rape AGAIN and . . . oh, it’s just too painful to think about.
Mountain Mama
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

183 and 184–Bwha ha ha ha ha, etc. Hee hee, too. :-D
treedweller
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

telling Chinbeard sometime in April, that is.
mc_frontalot
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

The reduced-color-depth versions of the strips are really really really hard to read and enjoy. Is there no way to go back to the previous system?
Yahtzee
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

RM: I’m betting Niki handled more than “himself” last night.
unclelumpy
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

#190 mc inter alios –

Oh, you can count on it — nobody much cared for the PNG with dithering (yesterday) or with color-compression (today), and there’s no good way to get enough compression without one, the other, or both.

So no more experimenting for me — it’s back to JPEG for the color images. Thanks to all for bearing with me; it was worth a shot.

Also, please keep in mind that there’s no substitute for the originals, which you can find at the Chron or the various syndicate and cartoonist sites.
jonnya
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Here’s an oldie. With all the talk in today’s comments about meddlin’ Mary mashups,
I thought it was on topic enough to dust off and post on the Youtube. It’s a quickie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Da1V5chSNa4
commodorejohn
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

#192 unclelumpy – If you have Photoshop, you could try indexed-color PNGs plus the pngcrush utility; that usually gets pretty good results, and Photoshop’s format-conversion capabilities are unmatched. pngcrush can take a fair chunk of time to run, though.
Godzooky
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

Phantom: Um, if Ghost-Who-Can’t-Take-The-Chance-The-Two-Women-Will-Succeed-On-Their-Own came down on a pre-teen grafitti artist like a ton of bricks (pygmy army and all) and he goes through extremes to remain unseen by his own Jungle Patrol, what’s he going to do to two ladies who’ve actually seen him unmasked?

Garfield: Does “Garfield Minus Garfield” accept nominations for the treatment? Today’s is ideal.
sangwij
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

#2 – balloobing is rich. I got a Kodamatic moment of Mowgli and Baloo going at it.
What, you mean you-all didn’t?
Mooncattie
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

MW – A pool party? But there’s no one swimming. There’s no pool! Perhaps the pool took Mary’s suggestion and flew over to Peace Village to help drench the children there.
Deena in OR
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

173 Concrete Queen-

Only three weeks?? Surely you underestimate!
Uncle Lumpy
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

#194 cj –

I think I’ll leave it alone for now — no need to try folks’ patience while I fiddle with software.

But thanks for the suggestions, which I’ll save for next time.
Lisa
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

Re MT, it’s interesting that the guy entrusted with protecting that forest or whatever just stood around and wondered about all those planes and never once considered, you know, actually Investigating it…. geez, the stupid factor in the gov’t has trickled all the way down to the Park Service??
Joshua
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

Warren from FOOB was never a black person. He has, however, been inconsistently drawn in his rare appearances, such that he has to be identified by name every time he appears, since otherwise few would recognize him. This includes the time he showed up as a vampire.

If Warren were black, there would have been a strip in which Liz congratulated herself for being open-minded enough to date someone of a different race. But there wasn’t.
AhClem
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy -
“I’d call it a waste, but squandering two weeks of Funky Winkerbean hardly qualifies.

How can you squander something that by definition is already a waste? That’s like saying you didn’t flush the toilet for two weeks, just in case those brown lumps morphed into something useful.

Of course, in FW-World, those same brown lumps would develop cancer.
Joe Btfsplk
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

135 Howabominable etc. – Speak for yourself. I for one am hoping for some of that pale, clammy, wrinkly, wobbly Mary Worth action!

145 Comics Fan – Dammit, can’t you see how we’re all trying to push the trauma of the last week of FC out of our minds here, just trying to get our shattered lives back to some semblance of normalcy, and you have to come and make us all relive that horror all over again?! Have you no shame, no soul, no sense of human decency?! You… This… I, I, I can’t talk about this now, not yet. Good Day to you! Hrrmmph!

But seriously, no, you didn’t miss any big joke. What you saw was pretty much all there was.
MarrG
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

Is it possible that in the time it took Drew to resign his position at the hospital, apply for a visa, arrange for housing in Vietnam, get his shots, and do all the shopping necessary for a long-term stay abroad—in all that time Mary didn’t run into Toby even once? Toby, a woman with no job and no apparent hobbies aside from power walking with her gal pals? In a building with only 4 units?
heynoni
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

This is a serious question:

Is MARK TRAIL supposed to depict some bygone era (say, the 1930’s), was it actually created in some bygone era and is simply being reprinted today, or are the creators actually alive and creating these strips in the present day?

If the last is the case, then what th – ???
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

NS + FOOB = Repulsed.
Citric
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

I actually thought it was Elly in today’s FOOB, and for some reason that made it WAY better.
Iedit
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

Since Warren doesn’t look enough like Liz’s dad, there is no way that Lynn will let the relationship go anywhere. That fact that Liz wants to have a sexual relationship with her father’s younger, blander, more feminine and geekier self is too disgusting to fathom.
Toronto
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

My cage, Feb 28 (I read them a week at a time):

“All the good martyrs are dead.”

I *so* want that on a t-shirt.
mc_frontalot
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

How come you guys don’t have enough bandwidth over there? Is it because cafepress’s cut is a zillion percent and there’s nothing left to spend on hosting? I sympathize! If josh reads this, he should write to me for tee shirt advice.

Lumpy, your guest writing excels as per usual. If it’s any consolation, optimization of web graphics is a vexing problem, one that afflicts many people, a puzzle for the ages. Also: U R a N00b
TheMagicMel
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

Dingo, I almost choked with laughter as I read #51 & was petting my cat (his name is Rogue!) and you are my hero of the day thanks to the “Frying Pan of Common Sense.”

Bless you.
Lettuce
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

NOW I get it. Brad’s got a cuckold-fetish.

Sweet.
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth –
Meanwhile despondent at the mere thought of being left alone in the states with the meddlesome harpy Mary, Dr. Jeff plays russian roulette in the poolhouse with a half loaded .38.

Foobstravaganza – I can see his blandness walking in on his concubine being dryhumped by Warren now. His instantaneous rage subdued by the deviant voyeur that rules his soul.He grabs a box of kleenex and makes a solo flight of it..Which goes to show that you can take the creep off the car lot but you can’t take the creepy out of the creep.

Mark Trail – Heh heh ho !! Ze Johnny malotte he ees Leeberated No?! Back to zee naggeen of ze waf an ze shreiking keeds…Farewell sweet Axel, fair Lou Zee preezon sodomy was sweet wahl eet lasted..jes remembar dat We weel always have zee laundree room No? Hugs an meny sheevings to you!!
Tabby
March 4th, 2008 at 12:02 am [Reply]

150 & 204
I think there’s something about VIetnam that makes time in the mary-verse go faster
much much faster
tae bee
March 4th, 2008 at 12:08 am [Reply]

Forgive me, this is off-topic, but how does one certify a Christian? Any method I can think of sounds sinister.
Dingo
March 4th, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

TheMagicMel #211: Thank you! I see that you’re in Illinois. Ah… my home state. Thank the dark gods that spring break begins on Thursday. I’ll be back home by noon on Friday. Have an appointment with my barber. Gonna buy chorizo without it being behind bullet-proof glass. Normalcy!

These Pennsylvania Dutch make me feel like Margaret Mead amongst the Samoans.
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
March 4th, 2008 at 12:30 am [Reply]

#58 – dcflack I agree with your hilarious FW plotline prediction,though except though instead of dogfood, I envision the ruthless and greedy Funky serving Summer Moore and her victorious teammates the Mega-meat combo with Les Moore as the main ingredient. Her tragic dilemma discovered by biting down on her fathers wedding ring.
Mibbitmaker
March 4th, 2008 at 12:34 am [Reply]

FOOB, 3/4: Omigod, this is getting really good! By “really good”, I mean Godawful nightmare bad.

It’s…. ‘I Have No Hoooooooome!’, Part Two: Warren’s Turn. This idiot just threw away his entire cherished livelihood for Spoken-For Lizael! We’re back to the horrifying melodrama “Everyguy Wants Liz”. Watch as another guy destroys his life just to get thrown away by Blandie’s Patterson Conquest (“Blandie” is my new shorthand for “Blanthony”, btw). Liz is a dangerous force for anyone to get lovelorn over (like Michael Scott is for Jan on “The Office”).

This may be our “Manos: The Hands of Fate” in FOOBsnark, people. Let the…fun?… begin![/rant]

(I’m no True Fable, but that was fun!)
tuesday next
March 4th, 2008 at 12:34 am [Reply]

FOOB (Tues.): Warren Blackwood has no hooooooome!
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
March 4th, 2008 at 12:36 am [Reply]

Egads. Sunny Mel needs to edit more and imbibe less. Oh well you kinda know what I mean.
Louie Louie
March 4th, 2008 at 12:42 am [Reply]

When discussing FOOB and the inevitable wedding between Anthony and Liz everyone is always mentioning how the plot development “makes them throw up a little”. Let me say that when the day comes that those two marry I will throw up a lot.
mumbles
March 4th, 2008 at 12:44 am [Reply]

FOOB: Liz should resolve this dilemma with one question to Warren: “You don’t happen to have a whore-chair, do you?”
Lisa
March 4th, 2008 at 12:46 am [Reply]

Oh, for crying out loud in the mud….. If I recall correctly, he dumped her, or at least he was never around. So now he comes whining back, having quit his job and expecting Liz to jump at the chance to get saddled with an unemployed pilot? Though I guess this is a good way for Liz to find out/prove her true love for Anthony…. I know everyone here hates the strip, but I don’t. I hate the flashback mess, but the characters themselves are okay. I suppose that will get me kicked off the site, but never mind….
blueberrygrrrl
March 4th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

FBoFW: Warren needs closure! Bring on the huge orange donuts!
Mr. O'Malley
March 4th, 2008 at 12:55 am [Reply]

You know, I don’t remember if it came up last time this was in the MW plotline, but Peace Village is a real place:

Link
Link (Quicktime video)
Link
Link Diary of volunteer
alamo
March 4th, 2008 at 12:55 am [Reply]

foobville follies – oh joy, murder-suicide — warren can’t live without her/can’t live with her. i might start enjoying this strip again.
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 4th, 2008 at 12:59 am [Reply]

Some Tuesday observations (just got back from a production of “Titus Andronicus,” so I’m a little strung out on random killings, blood and mayhem…the usual Mary Worth stuff):

FC: I believe that Jeffy is the reason iceballs were invented. And to be thrown directly at him, not the bat.

JP: just go on your way, Abbey…you don’t want to know what goes on (or who goes in) Elvira’s cellar.

MT: let’s just hope the Mrs. has a spare moose out in back…

Mutts: awwww. Cute.

MW: wow, Mary couldn’t be more proud if she’d wielded the turkey baster herself!

RMMD: a kid can only take so much character-building:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2309728866/

FOOB: alllrighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht! Make her nuts, Warren! We’re pullin’ for you!
Mr. O\'Malley
March 4th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

223. Liz broke up with Warren because he broke a date with her to fly a doctor and a load of medicine to a First Nations village suffering from an epidemic. (Actually, I don’t think we know what kind of a flying job he was doing, but since Liz never asked, he was just as likely to be that as anything else.)
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
March 4th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

########################################
219# Tuesdaynext

HOLY CARP!!! She lured Warren into the kitchen to re-enact her milk abandonment issues(http://joshreads.com/?p=1466#comments)! She’s gonna stave in his skull with the toaster to get back at daddy !! Get the hell outta there Warren!!

Hey wait, On the other hand..one lump or two?
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 4th, 2008 at 1:03 am [Reply]

O Canada! Land of one eligible female (and one jailbait female) and herds of hoooooooooomeless bachelors.
Makes me want to punch someone…
tuesday next
March 4th, 2008 at 1:04 am [Reply]

223/ Lisa- No, he never dumped her- their last interaction was her blowing a raspberry at him over the phone (after he had hung up). It is true that they see each other very rarely.
tuesday next
March 4th, 2008 at 1:06 am [Reply]

Oops, forgot- linkage to the last time we heard from Warren.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
March 4th, 2008 at 1:09 am [Reply]

#230 bats :[>blockquote cite=”">O Canada! Land of one eligible female (and one jailbait female) and herds of hoooooooooomeless bachelors.
Blearrrgh. I guess if we stick around long enough, Chipper (or is it Suds?) will come scratching at Liz’s door.
ltrftp Hedly
March 4th, 2008 at 1:11 am [Reply]

1
Mr. O’Malley
It depends which calendar you use, eh?
Lisa
March 4th, 2008 at 1:11 am [Reply]

231- okay, I do remember that now… she was having abandonment issues then? I forget… was Warren before during or after Paul, the native canadian who decided to stay with his own kind?

Actually I think that Lynn had Anthony in mind all the time for Liz, just had to play it out, though I do agree making a rape trial the means for their getting at least reacquainted was a leetle extreme…..

Thanks for not writing me off entirely.
indichik
March 4th, 2008 at 1:11 am [Reply]

FOOB: Elly has infiltrated the last panel to give Warren a chilling death-stare behind her half-moon reading glasses, if he even thinks about getting between Liz and Anthony.
Mibbitmaker
March 4th, 2008 at 1:14 am [Reply]

More 3/4:

BBailey: Cool.

NS: That old joke (old during the Nixon administration!)?? Wiley, you’re better than that!

GT: Her look in the last panel is a visual “Waa, waa, waaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

FC: So much bravado for so little reason.

S-M: MJ is Lizael Lite! Everyone wants MJ this time of year.

Lockhornswitheachother: When you keep saying things like that, no wonder he doesn’t listen to you.
True Fable
March 4th, 2008 at 1:15 am [Reply]

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!

And so we have it, the beginning of the Coronation of the Prince Consort for Elizabeth, Princess of Lips of Loveliness. But what is this? A pretender to the title drops in out of nowhere to claim the fair (pale, pasty,bland) Liz… why, it’s none other than Sir Warren, the fickle helicopter pilot!

Nonplussed that Liz treats and speaks to him as if he was a late-night mound of dog poo, Warren cops a feel before sittting down to a ubiquitous Cup of Patterson Coffee. In Tuesday’s strip we are even given a double dose of flashback/future tense: not only does Warren channel Anthony’s claim that he “has no hooooome!”, but we see the Future Tragedy in the last panel: Liz has been REPLACED by ELLY PATTERSON!

Hey, look for yourself if you don’t believe me! That last panel looks JUST LIKE OL’ BITCHY!

Warren! WARREN! (is this thing on?) LISTEN to me, buddy! THAT is what you have to look forward to: a fucking UGLY BUN, baggy eyes peering over the top of granny glasses, and an ASS the SIZE OF TEXAS! Do you have ANY IDEA how BIG Texas is? Well it’s pretty goddamn big, pal!

And we all can guess where this is going: a SHOWDOWN between HOMELESS MEN! No wait….

A Showdown between horny, deperate men who inexplicably fell in love with a flaky, demanding, petulant, rude, stupid and quickly dissipating CHICK who doesn’t give a hoot in hell about a man unless he is under foot 24/7 to kiss her Ginormous Texas-Sized Ass!

WHY, you may ask! WHY should they give a Flying Fuck about what this mama-clinging, daddy-worshipping young woman thinks of them? Because Lynn wants everyone to LOVE her Pattersons, and if we don’t, she’ll CREATE fawning worshipers, THAT’S WHY!

And it doesn’t matter that Warren QUIT his job, that only means there’s more time in his day to be on hand for LIZ! He must have learned from Paul that Liz requires someone to be there to adore her and be able to drop everything, even his work, to be near HER when she needs him! That’s all that matters! Now while it’s true that he could get a job as a local television or police helicopter pilot, THAT would mean he has an admirable, exciting JOB and that is a NO NO in Patterfoobland!

Oh, but we don’t care! We will have weeks and weeks of lovely pasty white folks’ angst as Blandthony and WhirlyBird Boy fight over who gets to Claim the GOLDEN VAGINA!

Boy Fight! BOY FIGHT! Quick, Henry; the Flit!

I have Popcorn! I have my Coke Zero! I have Milk Duds and Cadbury Eggs, I am READY for the fight that will no doubt consist of slappy-slappy hands flailing at their opponent’s face with all the power and majesty of a Slinky! I am READY for the Battle of the Purple Nurples! I AM READY TO WATCH THE RRRRRUUUUUMMMMBLLLLLLLE!

THEN I’ll vomit.
/rant
Rainbird
March 4th, 2008 at 1:18 am [Reply]

Tuesday’s Mary Worth

What can Mary mean?
a) Mary Worth is kidnapping babies for people?
b) she is renting out her womb?
c) she is delusional, and has not only never seen the couple before, but no one else can see them either.
tuesday next
March 4th, 2008 at 1:22 am [Reply]

235- Warren was before, during, and after Paul. This is a pretty good summary.

Before: Liz and Warren met shortly after Liz’s break-up with Eric.

During: Warren flew Liz from somewhere-or-other (where Paul had driven her) back to M-boro.

After: Warren quite famously flew Liz up to “catch Paul in the act” of cheating on her with his old girlfriend.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
March 4th, 2008 at 1:27 am [Reply]

MT: While I remembered Johnny Malotte’s perky little moustache, mon Dieu! I had totally forgotten about Johnny Malotte’s head full of greasy blue curds. Needless to say, I’m delighted to see them again.
Lisa
March 4th, 2008 at 1:28 am [Reply]

Okay, True Fable, we understand… calm down… back away from the keyboard…..
True Fable
March 4th, 2008 at 1:34 am [Reply]

GOAT SIGHTING!

I just saw a goat in an Altoids commercial! Just thought I’d…uh… pass it along. You know, for people like me with a keen interest in admiring adorable goats.

*kicks instep as crickets chirp*

Sugar high. Awkward.
Mibbitmaker
March 4th, 2008 at 1:35 am [Reply]

Curtis: Every time it gets worse for our villian: “FOOM!” This could be a valuable snarking tool for us. Imagine…

“I quit my job, Liz.” FOOM! I got so tired…I don’t have a home anymore.” FOOM! “…one of the two things in life that I really love…” “What’s the other thing?” “You.” FOOMITY-FOOM-FOOM!!!

….REALLY fun!
True Fable
March 4th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

#242 Lisa – Now now, I gave fair warning earlier today that I was going to rant! And sure enough, I released the hounds! :-)

*Foom!*
Mr. O'Malley
March 4th, 2008 at 1:44 am [Reply]

MW: And now let’s look at the nominees for Best Meddler of 2007. First, …

MC: Meddling, The Next Generation

PmP: Pool party at Sherwoodstone

RMMD: And then I figured if you respect me, you’d pay my way through college anyway!

SF: Actually, until now he was looking in Frank & Ernest, but they don’t have any openings. There are some walkons available right now at MW as long as the pool party keeps going—which could keep him employed until early June.

6C: !!!

ZtP: Say! That’s the name of the mall in our town too!

Dilbert: That reminds me of this.

F-: No fate is too harsh for a place that makes burritos before someone orders them.

Pluggers: If having a pen engraved with the name of an insurance company makes you a Plugger, what does this pen with the cheaply printed name of a septic tank company make me? It was bad enough when Barfo’s office looked like mine!

GA: I didn’t even know that Elderly Instruments had a wedding registry. They have a 1920 F-4 for only $6500, what model does she want?

FOOB: This would be the perfect place for the “spit-take” strip from Super Fun-Pak Comix.
Lisa
March 4th, 2008 at 1:53 am [Reply]

245: Well, okay then. I wasn’t serious anyhow… that was pretty funny, actually. I am a Foob fan but not necessarily a defender… :o)
Mr. O'Malley
March 4th, 2008 at 1:55 am [Reply]

243. True Fable. I went to this little Mexican market for lunch today, and their daily special was …

well, perhaps I’d better not say.

I had a quesadilla con carne asada and a taco de carnitas, so I was not a participant.
True Fable
March 4th, 2008 at 2:09 am [Reply]

BB Go woof yourself! I like that. I’m going to use it.
Curtis Another good phrase! Put them together and… Go Foom yourself! Yeah, the wave of teh future.
FBoFW So much for the Lovely Lissome Liz. She’s built like a burrito.
JP We found your shipment of stash, m’am!
MT After getting his head screwed on backwardby Johnny Malotte, Mark goes against his naturalist ways and looks forward to a moose steak dinner, no doubt with a side order of manatee with Siberian tiger garnish. Meanwhile, Cherry has no idea that Mark will not be home to eat her carefully prepared Javan Rhino.
MW Geez, hope you don’t snap a bone patting yourself on the back like that, Mary.
PBS More recommendations, mule!
Phantom The Phantom’s mask hides his eyes but not his nose, mouth or chin. So WHY when he is in civvies does he keep sunglasses on indoors and still exposes the features people see when he’s in costume? This has always baffled me. Shouldn’t SOMEONE by now have said, “Hey, Joe Cool! Ditch the shades, you’re inside.”?
RMMD But kissing up to you is much more important, Rex!
6Cx Today’s was funny!
True Fable
March 4th, 2008 at 2:16 am [Reply]

#247 Lisa – I know, sweet darlin’, I’m just playin’ witcha! :-)

#248 Mr. O’Malley – I am glad you did not participate in the Entree That Should Forever Remain Unordered.

Oh, the most dreaded expression at the House of Fable is “Meat Goat”. (make it stop! *whimper*)
AppleGirl
March 4th, 2008 at 4:36 am [Reply]

238 – Excellent rant as always, True Fable. Now. Can we put aside FOOB for a moment and talk about what’s REALLY important? Namely, Cadbury Eggs.

Mmmmmmm. You said Cadbury Eggs. Mmmmmmm. Those are the main reason to have Easter, in my opinion.
Gagott68
March 4th, 2008 at 6:29 am [Reply]

3/4/08

MT: Johnny dares to muss Mark’s lacquered coif? If that doesn’t deserve a Right Fist o’ Justice, I don’t know what does.

Blondie: I’m sure that the Red Hat Society is very much into going to greasy spoon diners.

S4th: As Sally shows, the key to a healthy relationship is a thorough cross-examination and deconstruction of everything your spouse says.

FOOB: Time to roil up the perfect storm of pseudo-emotional relationship angst.

Luann: Yeah, TJ. Rank is just medals and stuff. Not actual authority and a higher pay scale. Toni would never figure that one out. Besides, counterfeiting rank couldn’t possibly get you in trouble with the department.

Zits: Even a self-absorbed, whiny snot of a teenager like Jeremy couldn’t possibly be surprised at the consequences of his driving alone, at night on a learner’s permit. Isn’t he the one that had the rule book memorized backwards and forwards?

S-M: Apparently, the Spider-Pager doesn’t work. I don’t remember if this was addressed in an earlier strip but what kind of receiving device does Spider-Man have? And where does he carry it? Or do I want to know?
DAS
March 4th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

Once again, the Creator (aka Lyn Johnston) taunts poor Liz with a not-Anthony. – ConcreteQueen

Dontcha mean the Demiurge? I still believe there should be a Cainite Gnostic take on FOOB in which all the anti-heros of the strip actually are the Children of Light whilst the Pattersons (possibly excepting April) are the Children of the Demiurge.
dale
March 4th, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Zits
In Reality, a state hard to find on the map, Jeremy wouldn’t get another shot at a license until he’s 18.

He’ll get a pass. Maybe some community service like helping old people cross streets that they don’t want to cross.
The Naked Kissing Bandit
March 5th, 2008 at 12:46 am [Reply]

#238 A golden vagina? Wouldn’t that kind of hurt? I mean, all around, how fun could that be except maybe as a spittoon?

And you know, I’m glad Texas’ ass is so big, it makes for a lovely place to go polling.

Yeah, I’m a day behind, but what a day it’s been! makes me want to go fish and then stitch up the fishies little mouths or give them rad piercings or something.

And as far as the pitiable state of the denizens of Mary Worth land, if they weren’t all so lax and unfeeling of their pert home tragics and hysterics, Mary’d have nothing to wag her finger over/under. Le fubbed-up lle fwhoom.

Who needs a slurpie? They give me brainfreeze, unfortunately, frankly, unless they’re mushy orange slushies from the local general store. that i can suck down with bared teeth like the donuts they’re feeding the munchkin.

fwaaa. I think the lady in periwinkle furs tossed our fearless stodgy upright mountain man a few conjunctions on the sly. A-ha! uh, well, maybe. maybe she just gave him room to think things through a bit and speak his old lame-ass boring woody mind..

Lady in obviously fake unearthly-colored rabbit stole, you are my newest hero. Fleeting faith in dodgy humanity, disgustingly restored.
MissionMan
March 5th, 2008 at 9:21 am [Reply]

The narration in the upper corner of the first MW panel is completely unnecessary. Of course it’s a pool party — we can tell that by the way they are dressed; tweed jacket, neckerchief, turtleneck sweater, polyester Walmart track suit. Just like if they were wearing scuba gear we’d know they were going for a spacewalk.
Working class dawg
March 5th, 2008 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

I have been lurking for a while. I must point out that MW is holding a white foam cup in panel 1 of the pool party and a clear glass tumbler with one huge square ice cube in it in panel 2.

Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors.

Archives:

Comment of the week:

Main navigation:

Main content:

Plot turns a’plenty

257 responses to “Plot turns a’plenty”

Leave a Reply

All the cool kids…

Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery