Main content:


Take that, all you … virtual reality … people … who like virtual reality!

Crock, 9/11/12

Wow, congratulations, Crock, for creating the Platonic ideal of an “angry old person rages against something he doesn’t understand at any level” comic strip! Shall we enumerate the ways in which the word-sequences in panel one fail to map onto the world as we understand it? Let’s start with “‘Virtual reality’ is the thing of the future,” which should really be “‘Virtual reality’ is the thing of the mid ’90s,” since that was the heyday of term (everyone knows that “augmented reality” is the new hotness). Then we’ll move on to “TV game,” which is inherently funny, and which is part of “everyone needs a TV game with it,” which I guess is an awkward way of saying “Everyone needs a video game that includes virtual reality features”? Or maybe it just means “Everyone needs a TV game with ‘virtual reality’, which I have no idea what that is,” which seems more likely. “How many do you want?” probably is supposed to mean “How many of the aforementioned TV games do you want” but I prefer to interpret it as “How many virtual realities do you want, here, look at these small brown boxes, each contains a virtual reality.” Finally, Crock’s smug “Now that’s virtual reality” is I guess supposed to be a triumphant zinger that represents a victory over the kids today with their TV games and their virtual reality, with the only downside being that it makes no sense to speak of. Kudos to you, Crock! Truly, this is a stunning triumph of out-of-touchness!

Gil Thorp, 9/11/12

Kudos also go to everyone who predicted that Irish soccer star Terry O’Irishperson (did you know that in non-America places they call soccer “football”???) would end up kicking for the Mudlark football team, which means kudos go to everyone because this was a painfully obvious development. I do have high hopes for Terry’s “I feel like a knight!” line in panel three, as perhaps his “armor” will make him prone to Don Quixote-style fits of nostalgic insanity. Perhaps he’ll use the annual football bonfire as an opportunity to burn some Cathar heretics at the stake!

Apartment 3-G, 9/11/12

Haha, there’s nothing better than reminding your boss that you’re using a little light office remodeling as an excuse to take an extra week’s worth of paid vacation! Presumably Margo is suddenly ten feet away from her dining companions in panel two because she’s about to unleash some killing death-rays of rage on them.

Six Chix, 9/11/12

If, like me, you’ve always been a little unsettled by whatever sexual implications lurk beneath the whole metaphorical “kiss a frog to turn him into a prince” story, you’ll find today’s Six Chix particularly disturbing.

265 responses to “Take that, all you … virtual reality … people … who like virtual reality!”

  1. nescio
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Herpes Is…when the malady lingers on.

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#y255):

    Wizard of Id

    The 9/11 Remembrance Wagon has effectively crashed and burned.

  3. Here come the Judge
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    JP: Yeah, I think you stole my camera! You’ve probably got it hidden in your tits right now!

  4. Izzy
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    That salesman gets high with a little help from virtual reality.

  5. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MT: Say what you want about Rusty but he is smarter than the sheep killers. Of course that may be his downfall when they shoot him in the back.

  6. nescio
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Margo: “I mean, I worked in a brothel once, but it was as the Madam. Math is hard, harder than our middle-aged clients ever got.”

    I never realized that out of all the petty dictatorships that aligned themselves with the USA after 9/11, Id was one of them. Why didn’t they send Sir Rodney to Afghanistan?

  7. Liam
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    A3G-That would explain why she is there. Ari has paid for her to be there with them. I bet Tommie is Lu Ann’s pimp.

    A3G 2-”Lady of leisure”? That’s what they call your kind nowadays. Back in my days you were a prostitute.

    FC-Years down the road Dolly will want it rough.

  8. Little Guy
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, amateur nitpicker (#239): Here you go >>> ??

    GT: He’ll miss a FG at the end of overtime upon the sudden and tragic death of a rock-and-roll icon, but with the help of a con with a snowplow, Milford will be victorious on a snow-laden field. (Obscure?)

  9. Anninyn
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Crock: YOUNG PEOPLE LIKE DIFFERENT THINGS TO WHAT I LIKE ARRRRGH THEY MUST BE PUT BACK IN THEIR PLACE

    Six Chix: Would that even work? The whole point is that the pincess kisses the frog. Delegating the labour in this case is ironically ensuring she won’t get her wish.

  10. Chareth Cutestory
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Crock: Josh insists that this concept and dialogue are so out of touch. Could it be, though, that everything seems a little uncanny because WE’RE ALREADY IN THE MACHINE??

    Gil Thorp: Is that the same kid in panels one and three? First, kindly suggesting they include that kid in the stands then telling him to essentially shut up in panel three? Is he Milford’s new resident psychopath? Are we going to get to see both foreigner hazing and new player hazing? I need answers!

  11. Mibbitmaker
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MW: She’s not just hungry, she’s firsty!
    *ducks*

    MT: Vice President Mondale’s upset that trollboy’s escaping.

    Popeye: King Midgetbrutus/Midgetbluto!

    ReFOOB: Oh, but it does. It does.

  12. Anonymous
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Go, Crock! Stick it to those caterwauling “Rocking Roller” singers next!

  13. pugfuggly
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Crock HA! You certainly put that babbling homeless man in his place! Now it’s off to the zoo, to spend an afternoon arguing with the parrots.

    GT I know it’s official Thorpe policy to never show sports if at all possible, but seriously, what happened between panels 1 and 2? Did Terry launch a particularly impressive kick, start breakdancing or french kiss the coach? We’ll never know….

    A3G I see from Aristotle and Greg’s expression that ‘lady of leisure’ has some kind of connotation in greek.

  14. bunivasal
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    “I’ll be back tomorrow with permission from the mother.”
    Man, this line did not make any sense. Until I remembered that the speaker was Irish, and read it in my best potato-eating leprechaun voice. That changed everything! In that the line still didn’t make sense, and now I felt slightly guilty, too.

  15. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    LUANN – I was going to mock Toni’s insane determination to prevent Luann from expressing her feelings, even though that plane has already left the airport and landed on another continent, and even though they already sorta-kinda-did have the feelings discussion just before they left. But you have to step back and see things from Toni’s perspective. If Luann can actually do something like this and take the logical next step in her ‘relationship’, then it is a whole new set of rules. And that means that the way is clear for Brad to expect to take the logical next step in their relationship.

    Now, for B-Wad, that logical next step probably involves lying next to Toni on the bed, fully clothed, and thinking about his favorite comic book, but that is still closer to physical intimacy than Toni is willing to go at this point. And if the universe will allow Luann to advance to the point where she tells someone on another continent that she cares for them, then Toni fears that also means she can’t rely on Shannon-ex-machina to continue to save her from having to explain to Brad that it is supposed to get tingly down there.

  16. pugfuggly
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#11):

    She’s not just hungry, she’s firsty!

    Oh bravo…/clap……clap…..clap/

    Naw, I actually laughed out loud at that….

  17. bunivasal
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Auhp, nope, wait, I got it. It is something a normal human being would say, but it’s not a construction that you expect to read in dialog, especially when it’s not immediately clear at first who is talking as the various hamfisted renderings of tall high school athletes with dark hair kind of blend together.

    In other news, (football position) (name of player) is already feeling the longterm adverse effects of football, like delirium and loss of depth perception from excessive concussions, as he points at a soccer player in the stands a good fifteen feet to the left of the soccer player in the stands.

  18. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    9/11 – Nice tribute from Baldo. And Dick Tracy. And La Cucaracha. Nancy remembered. So did the Wizard of Id. They all get a free pass today.

    love is… …remembering the dead. No, not those dead. The singular dead. Mister Dead Right. The one who’s dead sometimes and alive sometimes: Schrödinger’s Stiff.

  19. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Crock: Crock is unintelligible; it’s like the words I see in my dreams which appear real but make no sense upon closer examination. Someone needs to come over with a comfy blanket and some chamomile tea because I’m really, really freaking out over here.

  20. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Mark“He’s going THROUGH the door! I knew THERE was something ABOUT the door that I was SUPPOSED to remember! Well, I know WHAT will stop him: yelling STOP!” [*]

    (Sure enough. Rusty slumps to a halt. “You got me, Mister. I was hoping you wouldn’t remember about yelling STOP.”)

    Phantom – Oh, just give him some Chee-tos already.

  21. Dennis Jimenez
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Crock – Claude Raines can jack off to his back issues of Soldier of Fortune just fine, without any fancy Internets….

    GT – Handle the Kick Off – is that what the kids are calling it these days? Hey, what about soccer Pierre over there – he’ll handle anything….

    A3G – Lady of Leisure? So, LuAnn’s a prostitute? Well if it’s leisure you like, looks like beige and blue got ya covered….

    6C – Oh come now – kissing? They are licking their bellies – thus this strange alt-universe….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  22. Schroduck
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    By “Now that’s virtual reality” I can only assume Crock is referring either to the author’s idea of what virtual reality is, or his own sad, masturbatory hallucinations as he wanders the scorching desert, slowly going mad with thirst. Or both.

  23. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Curtis – Grinning? What happened to the gap between his teeth? Did he stand a Chiclet in there? [Note to the Kids of Today: look it up, slackers!]

    One Big – Today’s guest commenter will be Brooke McEldowney, who will call everybody beefwits and claim that this comic vindicates the one he did that one time about a table that absolutely wasn’t dirty at all.

  24. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    I wondered if maybe the dialogue from Crock was a mistranslation from another language. Using context clues, I determined the original language must be some sort of French-Bantu hybrid. I used Google Translate to decode it, and surprisingly, it spit out the lyrics to Rebecca Black’s “Friday”. It makes sense, if you don’t think about it.

  25. Mibbitmaker
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is up.

    Adding PCK to the list of strips (webcomic, in this case) about 9/11.

  26. McManx
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Luann — Ignore that the common teenager probably has NEVER mailed a hardcopy letter, all this set up is position Toni ass-end-up as she climbs into the corner mail box to retrive Luann’s letter to Quill.

    Marmaduke — I guess this is supposed to be ice cream and dog biscuits, but I just can’t imagine that Marm would get that worked up for anything less that a bowl of tallow and femurs.

    Gil Thorp — I hope the jump in scenes implies that Terry has already kicked a demonstration ball for Gil. If not, then Gil’s exclamation “That’s impressive” just took on a much much creepier meaning.

    Mary Worth — Well Dawn, if we’re lucky, it will be your first encounter with hospital-borne bacteria…

    Family Circus — Dolly’s first face lift… Awwwwww.

  27. Señor Tortilla
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Crock is in reruns, that’s why it’s out of date.

  28. Esther Blodgett
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#25): Nicely done. Thanks for honoring the day.

  29. Dartpaw86
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Um.. Six Chix doesn’t seem to get that if only the princess kisses it the frog will turn into a prince, unless these two average looking people are princesses they’ll never be able to stop.

  30. Chyron HR
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Didn’t Crock end? Like, months ago? Or maybe I’M the one trapped in a virtual reality? Somebody help, before Elrond comes to get me!

  31. Lorne
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Crock‘s final frame only makes sense if he pooped his pants as he was saying “None!”.

  32. bats :[
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    A3G: Oprah!

  33. The Ghost of Jarrod
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    6 chix – If I’m a frog prince, I’m marrying the girl who kissed me, not her boss.

    Luann – Committing a felony is a small price to pay to keep Luann from discussing her feelings openly and honestly.

    MT – None of this would have happened if you’d have shot the kid yesterday. Just sayin’.

  34. Ed Dravecky
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Wait, they’re still making Crock strips? This news is surely the worst possible thing to ever occur on any September 11th ever.

  35. Andrusi
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    I have to begrudgingly give Crock credit for remember that virtual reality gaming used to be a thing everyone thought was the future. Kids these days think the Virtual Boy was a bizarre left turn that came out of nowhere.

  36. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    LUANN – Some of you may be wondering why the DeGroots, who live in a single-family home, don’t have a mailbox of their own. The answer is that they used to, but ever since the “Special Delivery” incident when Mr. DeGroot came home early from work only to find that he wasn’t the only one who came early, the DeGroot family has refused any door-to-door postal service.

    Nah, just kidding. It is really the same reason that we had to talk Luann into sending a snail mail rather than email or chat or a phone call or something more plausible for a teenager in 2012 – just a setup for the Wacky Hijinks as they try to break into the mailbox.

    If only Barney the Drunk would wander by and do a fist pump. “Yeah, Toni, fight the power!!”

    Of course, that Simpsons bit is 20 years old, from an era when it made sense to walk to the corner mailbox to send a letter, then use the nearby pay phone to page your girlfriend – after first checking the coin return for hypodermic needles!

  37. Voshkod
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Crock makes perfect sense if you assume the titular character has woken up to the fact that he is in a virtual reality simulation. And, given the poor graphics, a simulation run on a Commodore VIC-20.

  38. nescio
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    I’m not surprised Crock doesn’t make sense, but can anyone explain the joke in today’s Bizarro? Is it that Germans would never blindly follow a single leader?

  39. Midtown
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Luann: No, Toni is not going to just climb into the mailbox. They’ll take a sledgehammer to it, and if that doesn’t work, they’ll blow it up. Only to find the mail has already been picked up.

  40. seismic-2
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: Why is the gallery being painted? Didn’t it just re-open, after a year’s massive (and free) construction? Will this painting of the gallery “go viral”, too?

    GT: Just yesterday, Gil was saying the Mudlarks have “the best placekicker in the valley”. Today, he’s been replaced on kickoffs by a new guy. Life is brutal, Aspergers-kid.

    Phantom: “We let strangers in!” Dude, forget the strangers – your problem is that you let a lion in.

    Zits: I’m trying to imagine any other circumstance where one might possibly see Connie from that angle. Not I’m trying very hard to unimagine it.

    Pibgorn: “It is a little conceit on my part…” No comment necessary.

  41. sporknpork
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    It took me a couple of seconds, but Margo is making fun of Lu Ann behind her back. It’s hard to tell, since they cut out Margo saying, “Dur, the gallery! Duhrrr!!”

  42. Midtown
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#38): on Bizarro. I think the joke is that “W” is pronounced as “V” in German.

  43. Hogenmogen
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Crock: Shouldn’t he have said “ACTUAL reality”? No, that would introduce an unwanted teaspoon of sense into an otherwise unbroken string of non-sequiturs.

    I do compliment the depiction of the salesperson. Those crazy-ass, unfocused eyes staring at a point in the distance several feet above Crock’s head. Yes, it is the perfect expression of someone who is dispensing free video games in plain brown wrappers on top of a cardboard box in the middle of the desert. Yeah, and he’s wearing a baseball hat backwards, just for kicks.

  44. Pozzo
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in the first panel of “Gil Thorp,” Gil practices his Jughead Jones imitation.

  45. nescio
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @Midtown (#42): If that’s the joke, Piraro should be sent to the owens.

  46. TheDiva
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    A3G: It was very progressive of Apartment 3-G to let a woman with Downs’ Syndrome play Margo in today’s second panel.

    GT: Because kicking a soccer ball is exactly like kicking a football. Everybody knows that. And the Irish always compare emotional highs to knighthood, because that’s totally a thing they have over there in them Englishy type places!

  47. Marc
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    9CL- So pedantic dickweed Amos is pissed because his dumb bimbo girlfriend continually acts like a flake. So now he tracks her down, pins her to the floor, dry humps her in front of a thousand people, and finally proposes. He then gets the answer he wanted, but is pissed because the dumb bimbo girlfriend answered without acting like a flake. Has a bigger bunch of assholes ever existed?

    A3G- This won’t last long. Lu Ann is far too stupid to be an effective prostitute.

    Mark Trail- So the poachers plan on keeping Rusty hostage; but not only do they not keep an eye on him, but they left the cabin door wide open so the little troll could run right out.

    Mary Worth- Yes, perhaps there will a be a day where Dawn doesn’t wear purple for the first time in her life.

    Funky- Mopey Pete is a bigger moron than previously thought. If he knew he was working on a deadline and hadn’t come up with anything yet, why did he randomly up and decide to move and spend all his time packing up and then selling all the shit he hoarded? I’m sure the dank one room apartment you rented above a meth lab in NYC could have waited a couple more weeks. Dumbass.

    Luann- Is it still a federal offense if a couple of off duty firemen bust up a mailbox in order to retrieve love letter? I’d like to think the judge would have enough sense to laugh in their faces when they present their defense that they needed to “prevent a disaster”. That disaster being somebody openly expressing their feelings. In letter form none the less, to somebody on the other side of the world.

  48. Hogenmogen
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I’m a lady of leisure for six whole days”
    Wait, didn’t LuAnn vacation in South Dakota for six whole months?

  49. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @Midtown (#39):

    They will take a sledgehammer to the mailbox until it explodes, showering mail all over the sidewalk. Unfortunately, as you noted, Luann’s letter won’t be among the contents of the box. So everyone will hitch a ride on the side of Clown-9′s car while he ostentateously blows the horn to clear traffic all the way to the airport. Upon arrival, they will learn that the plane with Luann’s letter is just now taking off for Australia, leading to everyone sprinting onto the runway to try and stop it.

    Toni will be shot by TSA agents and bleed out in the terminal. Brad will jump onto the wing and hang on until the plane is 100 metres off the ground, at which point he will fall to his death, landing on Luann and breaking most of her ribs. Her final words will be “Why were we doing this in the first place? All I told Quill is that I’d really like it if he would stop insisting on using letters and just come sext with me on Skype!”

    Next: New Story! Gunther’s crippling shyness prevents him from expressing his feelings to Rosa. Wacky hijinks ensue!

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    LaCuc, DT, OBH, remembering the day. any others?

    HotC: well, yeah, who doesn’t?

    NAoQV: “we are Unanimous” ROFLMAO.

    SBp: d’awwwww. poor kittehs.

    Zits: that’s an angle of Connie that I didn’t need to see.

    Bizarro: /facepalm

    PMP: o my. *does the Time Warp again*

  51. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . updatable to USB dildos and an iPod.

  52. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#51): adding the subwoofer optional. . . .

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#10): First, kindly suggesting they include that kid in the stands then telling him to essentially shut up in panel three?

    You are misinterpreting that. New kid is a kicker, a valuable specialty player who cannot be easily replaced if he is injured. Even though he wears the same armor the others do, he is not supposed to get involved in the physical battle the linemen engage in, if he can avoid it. Their job is to protect him. No hazing here, they are just explaining the practical tactics of a game he is probably not familiar with.

  54. Alter Ego
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    love is… remembering that time you sneaked backstage and boinked the lead singer.

  55. seismic-2
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Luann: Before Brad takes a sledgehammer to the mailbox, he should check whether Luann’s letter is actually in the laundry room. (Considering that it was Luann who claims to have mailed it, this isn’t as improbable as it sounds.)

  56. Dennis Jimenez
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#48): the answer is clear – six days in Sioux Falls feels like at least six months….

  57. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#47):

    Mary Worth- Yes, perhaps there will a be a day where Dawn doesn’t wear purple for the first time in her life.

    Either that, or she will turn the corner and run into Hank, a DEA agent with a fetish for women in purple. The relationship will hit a snag when he is shot by drug dealers, but he will eventually recover and settle down with her in New Mexico.

  58. Jason
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    For a few beautiful seconds, I thought the fourth word balloon in “Apartment 3-G” was emanating from Aristotle and a whole new vista of comic entertainment opened before my eyes.

    Then I remembered I was reading “Apartment 3-G”.

  59. Hogenmogen
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    A3G: The entire gallery is shut down while it is being painted? For a whole week? Every other business I’ve ever worked with would close off a room or two and squeeze workers elsewhere while the painting went on, then rotate around. It was more busy, with all of us moving our stuff and trying to get work done at the same time.

  60. Connor
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Re: the name “football” in non-America places.

    Actually, in Ireland “football” with no qualifier would (depending on the context) most like be taken to mean Irish (or Gaelic) Football. I’m assuming that this character has specifically been established as a soccer player, but if he wasn’t, the skills of Irish Football seem likely to translate pretty well to being an American Football punter.

  61. TheDiva
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    And this time I will close my bold tags!

    9CL: They’ve only just gotten engaged and this is already this most idiotically dysfunctional marriage ever.

    C’shaft: Crankshaft was found later that evening with his legs mangled to the knee. And there was much rejoicing.

    FW: Shut up, Pete. You’re moving six boxes out of a studio apartment. Besides, what other demands do you have on your time? The internet porn will be there when you get back, trust me.

    Luann: The term Idiot Plot is too gentle for this arc. Is there such a thing as a Complete Fucking Moron Plot?

    MT: Ah, so this is all just a screed against free-range parenting!

    MW: .oO(Oh look, my first milk, and my first plate of unidentifiable hospital cafeteria mush! Will the wonders of life never cease?)

    Pibgorn: Don’t sell yourself short, Brooke. You don’t have any little conceits.

    SM: The “WHAT??” isn’t from the news report, but an expression of disbelief that this asshole is checking his iPhone, with sound turned up, backstage in the middle of the performance.

  62. Holly Folly
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    I hope the artist in Chick Six is making a point by breaking almost every law of perspective. I hope that she is trying to point out that the princess desires are warped and therefore the very kingdom she rules is a crooked place. Or it could be that the pond is about to rise up and eat them. Whichever.

  63. The Flash III
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Why does the new kicker in Gil Thorpe say he’ll be back tomorrow if he can get permission from “the mother”? Is that like Irish street gang talk for the matriarch of his clan or something?

  64. TheDiva
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Connor (#60): Be that as it may, what are the odds Gil Thorp is using “football” to mean “Irish football” rather than “what they call soccer in those foreign-type places”?

  65. Greg
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Crock: I wish Crock were virtual reality so I could reach out and touch his wildly protuberant chin. But only virtually. In real life… bleccch.

  66. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    A3G: I don’t see where everyone seems to interpret “lady of leisure” as prostitute – I suppose you could do so humorously, though it wouldn’t really be that funny. My thesaurus has dozens of synonyms for prostitute, to wit:

    advoutress, courtesan, prostitute, strumpet, harlot, whore, punk, fille de joie [Fr.]; woman, woman of the town; streetwalker, Cyprian, miss, piece [Fr.]; frail sisterhood; demirep, wench, trollop, trull, baggage, hussy, drab, bitch, jade, skit, rig, quean, mopsy, slut, minx, harridan; unfortunate, unfortunate female, unfortunate woman; woman of easy virtue &c.; wanton, fornicatress; Jezebel, Messalina, Delilah, Thais, Phryne, Aspasia, Lais, lorette, cocotte, petite dame, grisette; demimonde; chippy; sapphist; spiritual wife; white slave. concubine, mistress, doxy, chere amie [Fr.], bona roba [It]. bawd

    The closest above seems to be “woman of easy virtue” – and I have heard “lady of the night” tho it is not listed here. I have heard the phrase “lady of leisure”, and “gentleman of leisure” too, but simply refering to people wealthy enough not to have to work, and not wishing to, or humorously, to those out of work, as whatshername here is doing to herself.

  67. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

  68. Dood
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Does Professor Popatartius typically work a room by drunkenly groping women? Oh, carry on, then.

  69. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#38): Germans pronounce the letter “w” like the letter “v”. Not a very good joke, but I think that’s all there is to it.

    // They generally pronounce the letter “v” as we do the letter “f”. The letter “f” is pronounced like the letter “f”, oddly enough.

  70. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#49):

    “Brad will jump onto the wing and hang on until the plane is 100 metres off the ground, at which point he will fall to his death, landing on Luann and breaking most of her ribs.”

    Actually, Brad will fall off the wing into a convenient ocean, get frozen into an iceberg, and become the object of worship for a small Inuit settlement for almost twenty years before drifting off past a submarine containing Thor, Iron Man, Ant Man and the Wasp. They will take him on board, and. . .

    . . . then realize it’s just Bwad and not a long-vanished super hero, and throw him back into the ocean, where a shark will eat him.

    Go shark!

  71. Remmy
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#15): Hate to burst your bubble, but Brad and Toni have had sex – just not often. It is a family strip after all.

  72. casino LF
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MT: If you guys were seriously thinking about shooting Rusty yesterday, now’s pretty much the time.

    RMMD: ? You can’t … you can read on the beach? That’s pretty beach-bummy, I think. Ever heard of the term “beach reading?”

    Luann: I don’t understand this. Toni and Brad are talking about how wonderful it was that Brad waited for Toni to say “I love you” first. So, um, Luann is going to say it first. Why are we trying to flip her into the Brad position here? I don’t … I don’t understand why two adults don’t have better things to do, for starters.

    FW: BURN IT ALLLLLLLL

  73. Mikey
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Clown-9 from Outer Space. Worst supervillian ever.

  74. Josh
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#36): To be fair, I live in a single-family home and have a mailbox of my own but still go put my outgoing mail in a blue Post Office mailbox. There was a rash of folks stealing outgoing mail from mailboxes around here some years back, no doubt for identity theft purposes, that made me a little skittish about leaving mail in our box. (The blue mailbox is on the corner at the end of our block, roughly a 30-second walk from our door, so it’s not like this is any great hardship, but still.)

    Josh

  75. casino LF
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Midtown (#42): @nescio (#38): And more to the point, it’s “Canada Geese,” not “Canadian Geese,” anyway.

  76. Outside Counsel
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Whatever happens in the current Gil Thorpe, I hope the Irish kid goes out for baseball in the Spring. Chances are he is familiar with the traditional Celtic sport of hurling and will unleash holy hell when they put a bat in his hand.

  77. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#38): It’s a pronunciation joke, as has been pointed out. (I wasted a few seconds looking for a VW logo joke in it. There don’t seem to be any.)

    @TheDiva (#61): MT: Ah, so this is all just a screed against free-range parenting!
    It’s not often noticed that Rusty wears an “invisible fence” collar. What’s even less known is that the collar and ‘fence’ are intended to shock him when he tries to get back in.

    @Remmy (#71): Hate to burst your bubble, but
    I salute you. When I hate to do something, I generally don’t do it so eagerly.

  78. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Josh (#74):

    You have to pity anyone who steals Luann’s identity. They are doomed to a life of ordering things online, only to never have them be delivered. They will apply for credit cards and be accepted, but the cards will never be activated because they never open the acceptance letter. They will use her name to try and meet people, only to find that the relationship never even makes it as far as a first date. Finally, they will register for drama classes at TLCC, only to never actually attend them, and to receive a grade of “Incomplete”.

  79. Old School Allie Cat
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#69):

    Well, linguistically speaking, F and V are both labio-dental fricatives. F is unvoiced, V is voiced.

    Yes, I am a lot of fun at parties, why do you ask?

  80. Cotton Candy Beard
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Today’s Crock was guest-written by a drunk five year old.

  81. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Midtown (#42): Sorries!

  82. Joshua
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    #78: I would like to see a strip where Luann gets her acceptance letter from The Local Junior College, along with a student handbook that begins, “Founded in 1971, The Local Junior College was named in honor of San Diego civic leader William F. The Local.”

  83. Matt McIrvin
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    but I prefer to interpret it as “How many virtual realities do you want, here, look at these small brown boxes, each contains a virtual reality.

    Trurl and Klapaucius decided to go into mass production.

  84. Snarkotix Addict
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    A3G – “I’m a lady of leisure lazy.”

    MW – “My first awkward encounter with every guy who dumped me!”

  85. nescio
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Ich spreche Deutsch sehr gut nicht. Der Scherz saugt.

  86. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#79):Yes, I am a lot of fun at parties…

    I’ll bet you are at that! You and me, and the other pedants, nitpickers, and current and former pedagogues, Gradgrinds, and Squeers, should get together sometime. That would be a hoot!

    // But not at Hooters. Food’s lousy.

  87. Spyglass
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    There’s no hope for Crock’s first panel in any reality, virtual or otherwise, but I have this fantasy that the third panel will make sense if you move the emphasis to the first word. “Now that’s virtual reality!” could be taken, at least in my malaria-induced fever dreams, to mean “It wasn’t virtual until I rejected it.”

  88. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Joshua (#82): I would like to see a strip where Luann gets her acceptance letter from The Local Junior College, along with a student handbook that begins, “Founded in 1971, The Local Junior College was named in honor of San Diego civic leader William F. The Local.”

    You cannot overestimate the importance of The Local family. They are involved with many area cultural institutions: The Local Sports Arena, The Local Public Library, The Local Symphony Orchestra, The Local Newspapers… the list seems endless!

  89. Snarkotix Addict
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Luann – I’m thinking this trio of losers will get to the mailbox just as the postman is picking up the mail. They’ll argue, and Toni will try first to assert her “authority” but then just wind up assaulting him, like she did Ann Eiffel. And, this being the Luanniverse, she’ll get away with it. Oh, and Shannon will bite him, too.

  90. Chareth Cutestory
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#53): No way. Unless a team is getting up to shenanigans, the two plays a kicker is involved in are field goal attempts and punts. For field goals, the action is pretty limited and there wouldn’t be too much time for a kicker to involve himself after the ball goes up. Though we would all like to see an Irish kid kicking the ball then flinging himself at the defensive line, shouting unrecognizable curses nonstop. So that leaves punt kicks, and the often times feeble attempts by the kicker to stop the opposing team’s receiver if he’s broken through the defense.

  91. AhClem
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#79):

    … labio-dental fricatives …

    I think I just found the name of my next band.

  92. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#77): When I hate to do something, I generally don’t do it so eagerly.

    I hate hesitate to say this, but that seems to be one of your pet peeves.

    // I did hesitate – just a little.

  93. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#89):

    The postman will then try to sue Shannon’s guardian when he develops rabies. TJ will indignantly testify down at The Local District Court, insisting that you can’t sue someone for biting you when you were trying to retrieve a letter that their guardian’s boyfriend’s sister stole from The Local Mailbox when they decided not to mail it after all. The judge will agree, and award Shannon all the mail sent that day through The Local Post Office.

  94. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#79):

    Well, if a woman came up to me at a party and started murmuring about “labio-dental fricatives,” I’d probably assume she was a lot of fun too.

    // Linguistic ignorance is bliss.

  95. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#90): You know a lot more about football than I do. So, you still think they were hazing him in some way? I didn’t see that. Looked like a common sense suggestion to me.

    // I would tell you how long it has been since I watched a complete game of football, but as I have never admitted to being older than my extremely late thirties, it would seem implausible.

  96. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#90):

    Kickoffs. They are hiring Irish to kick off for them. And the Idiot Kicker is at risk of injury when acting as the last line of defense on the kick return team. Kickers with natural athleticism, such as Brody Abro’s hero Nate Kaeding, a former Australian Rules football player who kicks for the Chargers, need to strike a balance between the instinct to try and make a play, and the knowledge that if they are injured the backup is often nowhere near competent.

  97. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#94): Well, if a woman came up to me at a party and started murmuring about “labio-dental fricatives,” I’d probably assume she was a lot of fun too.

    No, sir. O.S.A. Cat would not murmer: she would declaim!

  98. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#95):

    I’ll fess up how long it’s been since I watched a complete game of football: at least 42 years. I was in grad school at the U of Arizona and out of boredom went to a game.

    I did see most of a game of football on television about 30 years ago, but that was because I was at a deadly dull extended-family get-together and it was less painful than trying to make small talk with relatives away from the tube.

    I’ve watched more cricket than I have football in the last thirty years, not an easy thing to do in Minnesota.

  99. Hyhybt
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#38): German pronounces “w” the way English pronounces “v.”

    (It took me a minute to get because Bizarro is normally only one panel, I happened to read the “German geese” text first before noticing the other, and the two panels stacked the way they are look vaguely like the Volkswagen logo.)

  100. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#79): Well, linguistically speaking, F and V are both labio-dental fricatives. F is unvoiced, V is voiced.

    Seriously, though, is that true in German as well as English?

  101. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#98): My last was in high school. I was dating a girl who played the band. She seemed to expect it of me.

    // We broke up soon after.

  102. Snarkotix Addict
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#88): But remember, they have deadly enemies: the Locavores.

  103. Horace Broon
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    ASM: I was going to respond to MJ’s reaction to her husband being on the high wire by snarking “She does know he’s got the agility of a spider, right?” Then I looked back at the strip’s history, and realised she probably knows he doesn’t.

    GT: I have to give Gil Thorpe credit: “I’ll be back tomorrow with permission from the mother” is much closer to authentic Irish phraseology than I’d have expected. I mean, I don’t think it’s right, but it’s close!

    FW: Doesn’t Pete work for Marvel Comics? What’s he worrying about deadlines for? Just send them the stuff whenever the hell you feel like it, they won’t mind. (Not that I’m bitter that I’ve been waiting for a cliffhanger to get resolved since last year or anything…)

    MT “HEY KID STOP! Damn, you talk about shooting a kid right in front of him, and he bolts for no reason at all!”

  104. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#102): Heh heh heh. That would be a comic worthy of the old NatLamp.

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#103): permission from the mother

    Permission from the mater? That’s probably just pre-war Boys Own Paper talk, though.

  106. Gojira
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#27):

    Crock is in reruns, that’s why it’s out of date.

    Let’s make believe it’s 1992 and we’ve just run across this strip: Wow, Rechin really has his finger on the pulse of the times, doesn’t he? And so hilarious, too.

    Now, that’s virtual reality.

  107. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105):

    On the old BOB AND RAY radio show, one of Ray’s regular characters was Calvin M. Hoogavin, next-door neighbor to the Backstayge family (of the ongoing soap opera MARY BACKSTAYGE, NOBLE WIFE). Calvin frequently referred to his mother as “mother of me.” Do I deduce from this that Calvin was Irish, or just weird?

    I see someone on the web suggests this is a forerunner of the “you’re not the boss of me” construction:

    http://www.volokh.com/posts/1090814312.html

    // Actually, Ray was playing Webley Webster, who was playing Calvin, but who’s counting?

  108. Downpuppy
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#90): They’ve established that he’s a kickoff specialist. So he’s supposed to boom it from the 40 (or so, I don’t know Valley rules) to the far endzone & then hang around midfield while everybody else gets spinal injuries & concussions crashing into each other at full speed down near the goal.

    Evey now & then a returner gets through & takes on the kicker alone. It’s an occasion of general amusement if the kicker makes a tackle.

  109. Santa Royale With Cheese
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    GT: This must be that “MTV” style of editing that the Young People are always on about. Why show when you can tell? It took a moment to realize that each panel is a setup for the invisible “between panels” action. “We need a kicker.” (Smash cut.) “Okay you’re hired.” (Smash cut.) “Great kid, don’t get cocky!” (Fin.) Fear the day when the Gil Thorp writer joins forces with the A3G artist.

  110. Spotts1701
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Yes, let’s break into a mailbox! Ignore the fact that we’ll be up on about 100 or so counts of tampering with the mail (per federal law each first-class letter equals 1 count of tampering) and that the Postal Inspectors and the U.S. Attorney don’t let anyone off on that without doing at least 3 to 5 in federal prison. This is an “emergency”!

    If it weren’t for the fact that breathing is an autonomic function, every character in this strip would have suffocated years ago.

  111. Uncle Lumpy
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#109):

    Fear the day when the Gil Thorp writer joins forces with the A3G artist.

    It happened.

  112. Hogenmogen
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#66): I agree. I’ve heard “Lady of the evening” and “Working girl”. The Songs of Fire & Ice series provides several other euphamisms, when George Martin gets tired of using the word “whore” on every page. “Washer woman” and “Camp follower” are examples. Your list doesn’t include “hooker” or “tramp”, by the way.

  113. wossname
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Spyglass (#87):

    There’s no hope for Crock’s first panel in any reality, virtual or otherwise, but I have this fantasy that the third panel will make sense if you move the emphasis to the first word. “Now that’s virtual reality!” could be taken, at least in my malaria-induced fever dreams, to mean “It wasn’t virtual until I rejected it.”

    I think you’re onto something there, but the emphasis needs to be on “virtual” – “Now that’s virtual reality!” meaning now that’s really not real. Uh, wait a minute. No. Start over. It has to be on “reality.” “Now that’s virtual reality!” meaning, um – you know what, never mind.

  114. Hogenmogen
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Rex and June are going on a trip for two days and June needs a new wardrobe. Rex is contemplating a complete and unconvincing change in personality and lifestyle.

    Morgans, just don’t forget your core mission to find out from the residents who is somehow planning to.. real estate something.. . whatever that old lady said last month.

    Old lady: You’re back! What did you find out?

    June: Uh, take a look at our pictures! This is my new bikini!

    Old lady: Stimulating. Rex, what did you learn?

    Rex: That Jimmy Buffet pronounces the ‘t’ in his last name. I’ve been pronouncing it ‘buffet’, like ‘duvet’. That’s the first rule of being a beach bum. The second is never using the word ‘duvet’.

    Old lady: But did you talk to your neighbors?

    June: About what?

  115. Santa Royale With Cheese
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#111): Wow, I… I don’t know what I believe in anymore.

  116. greghousesgf
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#66): I thought “sapphist” meant lesbian, not prostitute!

  117. Hogenmogen
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    BB: Hey, let’s go AWOL and live in this cave!

    Diller: No door. No electricity or toilet. We’d have to forage for our food dressed like those man-bears that we see in the woods. Our former friends will be hunting to bring us to justice as deserters.

    BB: Buzzkill!

  118. Ian Beste
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#82): Well, that explains The Local Park.

  119. Marc
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Remmy (#71): Do you have anything to back that up with? Not trying to sound like a dick, but they’ve made the point far too many times how they’re taking things slow, and let’s not rush things, and all that bullshit. As far as we’re all aware, B wad hasn’t gotten past 1st base. For as shitty a strip as Funky Winkerbean is and with it also being “a family strip”, it was blatantly obvious what was happening, without showing anything, that time Les and Cayla bumped their horrible uglies.

  120. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#103): Mopey Pete works for DC, so all bets are off.

  121. Chaze
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G – If you look at where the characters are placed in panel one and then where they are in panel two and just try to picture the physical movement necessary between the spoken dialogue, you have the end credits of Benny Hill in fast forward.

  122. Ian Beste
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#116): Agreed. In fact, that listing seems to include a number of terms that aren’t really included in the sense of “woman who has sex with anyone who will pay her” as a “mistress” is the sex partner of a married man and a “concubine” is a sort of live-in mistress. Both situations imply a certain level of choice on the part of the female. (Although it is true that at times concubinage wasn’t all that voluntary–I’m thinking of Classical China.) The list is really a lexicon of terms used to disparage women on the basis of physical sexuality.

  123. Marc
    September 11th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#96): It happened to the Bills last year. Rian Lindell kicks off, the Jets returner breaks through the coverage team, and Lindell is forced to make the tackle and blows out his shoulder and is out of the year. Thus forcing us to watch Dave fucking Rayner try and kick field goals the rest of the season. So even kickers who are the size of linebackers (Lindell is 6’4 235 lbs), still aren’t encouraged to get involved in the play unless absolutely necesarry.

  124. Chaze
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Even in really bad TV movies they don’t make you sit through listening to drivel about travel plans, bookings, what to pack, ebooks, etc. They just say, “Hey! Off to San Diego!”. And then you’re looking at palm trees and beaches. Am I saying that Rex is more badly written than a crappy TV movie? Yup, guess I am.

    GA – Did I just see the word “facetious” used in a comic strip? Groan.

    MT – “Remember when we were talking about choosing from those non-choices we have? Was letting the kid run out the door one of ‘em? No? Cuz that was a bad choice.”

  125. btown
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: Any other firsts for me around the corner? No? Well, I guess I’ll continue to marvel at how I thought I would die, but people helped each other, for another few months!

  126. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#91): You wouldn’t be the first to name a band after a Bonzo Dog song!
    (I like the bilabiolingual forced fricative, myself.) [*]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#88): You cannot overestimate the importance of The Local family.
    Shouldn’t that be “the The Local family”?

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#96): Kickoffs. They are hiring Irish to kick off for them.
    Gil’s come a long way from the old “no Irish need apply” days.

  127. Chaze
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    JP – Bea has remarkable morphing abilities. She’s from Roseanne Barr to Sarah Palin to today’s guest celebrity, Margaret Cho.

    ReFOOB – Any chance that thermometer could go directly from Farley’s ass to Michael’s mouth?

    Grand Ave – Honestly, are those kids Nazi’s? They goosestep everywhere they go.

  128. Liam
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    MW-First food of the day? According to my calculations based upon what Dawn has said in the first panel this would make it late in the afternoon almost near dinner time. Dawn must be pretty hungry by this time. Why didn’t she get anything to eat earlier in the day?

    Gil Thorp-Everyone in Milford knows that football is the only real sport and that the only people who play soccer are a bunch of nancy boys.

  129. Liam
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    MW-First disappointing bite of cafeteria food.

  130. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#126): Sheesh, the link was blocked. Let’s try that again: The Bonzo Dog Band: “Death Cab for Cutie” with Jan Carson, peeling. (It’s a clip from MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR. That’s why John and George are there.)(Whoa! The Bonzos Curse got them and Vivian AND Ivor Cutler [aka Buster Bloodvessel]!)

  131. Chaze
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#126): Ah, the Bonzo Dog Band. “The Intro and the Outro.”

    …..featuring Quasimodo on bells!!

  132. Sans Sense
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Ya gotta hand it to Margo. In panel two she hides her anger at LuAnn’s absence without leave by feigning wistfullness while deftly ramming a fork up Perfesser Pappadooronron’s ass.

  133. Ian Beste
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#128): No, not “nancy boys.” Its “The Hardy Boys” and “Nancy Drew. ” C’mon, people, classic American kid’s literature!

  134. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    If this site had avatars, I’d use that lioness from today’s “Phantom”, and caption it “I CAN HAZ LLONGO?”

  135. Chaze
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    GT – The opposing team will be wearing orange. Terry will have a flashback to the “old sod” and see the IRA across the line. In a fit of Adam Sandler rage straight from “The Waterboy,” Terry lays waste to the opposing team.

    “Looks like I found a linebacker,” chuckles Coach Thorp.

  136. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#116): I thought “sapphist” meant lesbian, not prostitute! You’re right, of course. @Hogenmogen (#112): Hooker, and tramp, of course. How could they miss that?

    // Lousy Gutenberg Roget! Well, it’s pretty good, just not perfect. And I was wondering about that “spiritual wife” one too. Apparently that refers to polygamist cultmembers — they are married to one wife legally, their other wives are “spiritual”, sanctioned by their religion, not the government. Which is not really the same thing as a prostitute.

  137. Baka Gaijin
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Atypical for an apolitical strip, Doc in Mark Trail wears a huge campaign button for third-party presidential candidate “Jack Elrod.”

  138. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#126): Shouldn’t that be “the The Local family”?
    Right you are!

  139. Liam
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-It’s not like he has the agility of a spider or anything. One slip and he is a red and blue smear across the ground. “Hey parents, take your kids to the the circus and watch a beloved superhero get turned into a grease spot.”

    MT-I told you should have shot him yesterday.

    A3G-It’s great, Margo. Men pay you to pretend you’re interested in them.

  140. seismic-2
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

  141. Sans Sense
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    JP: French farce.
    Luann: French farce.
    MW: French fries.

  142. Sans Sense
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: For god’s sake, if you do a deal with a mining company to rape your land, CUT IN THE LIONS!

  143. Little Guy
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Nancy: Aunt Fritzi’s breasts join the rest of the nation in remembering United 93.

  144. wossname
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136): In fairness to thesauri, they frequently offer words that aren’t exact synonyms, but sorta kinda similar in-the-same-ballpark words — which I find enormously helpful when I’m trying to think of that word, you know the one, it’s kind of like X but not exactly, and means almost the same as Y…

  145. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#122): The list is really a lexicon of terms used to disparage women on the basis of physical sexuality.

    It’s from Roget’s category #962. Libertine. I only cut and pasted the words refering to females. It should surprise no one that the list for males in that category is much shorter:

    libertine; voluptuary, rake, debauchee, loose fish, rip, rakehell, fast man; intrigant, gallant, seducer, fornicator, lecher, satyr, goat, whoremonger, paillard, adulterer, gay deceiver, Lothario, Don Juan, Bluebeard;

    // Kind of like that “loose fish” one. As in, “Before I got married, when I was in the Navy, I was a bit of a loose fish. Heh heh, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.”

  146. Liam
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    MT-”I’m just mad, dad, that Rusty isn’t here exploring me. He is at that age when children should be exploring the differences between each other. I’m the only female around that he can explore. What I’m trying to say is that I want to get laid.”

  147. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

  148. This Guy
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Is GoComics missing a Luann strip somehow? The Keystone Firefighters here went straight from “Relationships sure are fraught with uncertainty” to “holy shit we have to stop Luann sending that letter or it’ll be the worst thing in the history of time” with no explanation.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#86): “Squeers” as in “one who squee,” or “descendants of Wackford Squeers”?

  149. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#144): Rem acu tetigisti, as Jeeves would say.

  150. terrapin
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    MT: When I saw Rusty yesterday I assumed he was tied up, so I’m thinking the poachers made the same mistake. Tomorrow strip will go…”I thought YOU tied him up!” “Well I thought YOU tied him up!” “You’re stupid!” “No YOU’RE stupid!”

    GT: Judging by the dialogue I’m thinking we’re all better off not knowing what happened between panels.

    MW: I’m picturing Wilbur sitting at home waiting helplessly for someone to fix him a mayonnaise sandwich.

  151. Chaze
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#133): “Frank Hardy was particularly fond of Callie Shaw and Joe Hardy had to admit that Iola Morton was, in his words, ‘Alright for a girl.’”

    “Meanwhile Nancy Drew was hoping that Callie and Iola would dump those “dopey Hardy Boys” to help her solve “The Mystery of the Vibrating Flashlight.”

  152. bats :[
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Lupin The 3.1415926th (#134): in the words of similar sorts, “YESH!”

  153. Liam
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”I feel like a knight on his way to crush the hated dragon that is the English.”

  154. Droopy Says
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#133): Are they anything like the “Rick Blaine” and “Tom Swift, Junior” books? Or Julian May’s “There’s Adventure In [name a science]” books? My mother tried to force me to read a Hardy Boys book when I was eight (the nuns had her convinced that boys enjoyed them) but I quit when nobody could explain why they didn’t call the cops.

  155. Sans Sense
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#152): Make her play the piano, please, please!

  156. Roto13
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    This Crock (and all future Crocks) is a rerun. I’m not sure from when, but considering it refers to a mid-90′s fad as “The Future,” I’m assuming it’s from no earlier than 2003.

  157. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#144):

    ” that word, you know the one, it’s kind of like X but not exactly, and means almost the same as Y…”

    Plergb.

  158. Chaze
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#154): All I can say is that it is worth seeking out first edition Hardy Boys books published before they were all updated in the 50′s and 60′s. They are gems. Very racist, sexist, any kind of “ist” you can name, but a real insight into the USA at that time in history.

    When I reread “The Sinister Signpost” and saw Frank Hardy use the phrase “nigger in the woodpile,” I did a spit take. Conversations with the local Chinese laundry owner are incredible as well.

  159. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#140): @bats :[ (#152):

    In the words of another famous jungle cat, “They’re GRRRRRRRRREAT!!”

  160. Steve the Pocket
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Crock: That guy calling video games “TV games” just reminds me of that Homestar Runner video that refers to Peasant’s Quest as a “video computer TV game.”

  161. wossname
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#157): That’s it! Thank you!

  162. kanomi
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    It’s true ‘lady of leisure’ is not an euphemism for prostitute, it’s a term for women too wealthy to work. June Morgan for example is a lady of leisure. She is married to a magical man whom as far as I can tell does nothing but slurp at the river of money, ala Kurt Vonnegut’s characterization of the inherited privilege and stupidity of the ruling class in God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater:

    “The Money River, where the wealth of the nation flows. We were born on the banks of it — and so were most of the mediocre people we grew up with, went to private schools with, sailed and played tennis with. We can slurp from that mighty river to our hearts’ content. And we even take slurping lessons, so we can slurp more efficiently.”

    If that’s not Rex Morgan, M.D., what is?

  163. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#148): “Squeers” as in “one who squees,” or “descendants of Wackford Squeers”?
    Same thing, really, all spiritual descendants of the Great Educator. That’s where the word “squee” comes from, a tribute to the Headmaster of Dotheboys Hall.

    What a genial, cheerful old fellow he was! After caning a boy to within an inch of the lad’s life, for misconstruing some Latin verse, or complaining about weevils in the gruel, the jolly docent would giggle like a school girl when he saw a cute puppy, or LOL cat. That’s why the boys all loved him. “Ol’ One-Eye Wackford,” they would exclaim, “stern but kewl!”

    // I haven’t read Nicholas Nickleby in a few years, but that’s the gist of it, anyway.

  164. Peanut Gallery
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Rex recoils in horror at the mere mention of books. This explains a lot about his medical expertise.

  165. UncleJeff
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#32): Hey! I learned a new word today!

  166. Anonymous
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#29): My theory is that those are her dumpy, hated half-sisters, who are technically also princesses, but spend most of their time mucking out the stables.

  167. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#158): You used to be able to find those things in used book stores everywhere for practically nothing. And not just the Hardys and Nancy. There were tons of similar series out there, usually celebrating some new technology or other. The Motion Picture Boys, the Submarine Boys, the Aeroplane Boys – usually boys, true.

    You don’t see these books much in the wild anymore. Or if you do, they are pricey.

    // Thomas Pynchon’s recent novel, Against the Day, is a pastiche (an 1085 page pastiche!) of the genre, about plucky lads in zeppelins who go about fighting crime.

  168. This Guy
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    About thesauruses:
    I can no longer find the article, but one commentator wrote of “The Eye of Argon” that it seemed to have been written “with a brand-new thesaurus and no dictionary.” Jim Theis, the writer suspected, didn’t know that a thesaurus classifies related words together rather than providing lists of exact synonyms, and since he also didn’t know what words meant, a “priest” could be the same as a “shaman” or an “acolyte” in his mind. Is “undulating” the same as “trembling”? If you’re Jim Theis, it sure is!

  169. Ian Beste
    September 11th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#145): I’ve always wondered about “rakehell.” I mean, are we supposed to believe that some guy with a two-handed gardening implement is a dashing vision of masculinity for the ladies? Is it true? I mean, the last time I was out in the back yard raking up leaves my wife wasn’t all “oh yeah yu-umm baby.” Of course, that might have been due to the fact that she was repotting plants and wasn’t noticing my verdant virility…

  170. Poteet
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    9CL– If this isn’t the most obnoxious marriage proposal in the history of NYC, it has to rank way up there. And the forthcoming wedding and all the drama leading up to it are likely to be so horrible that they will leave the Foobacalypse in the dust. It’s time for all sane people to depart from this train. For the rest of us, all aboard for the Amos ‘n Edda UghFest!

  171. This Guy
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#163): Full disclosure: I’ve never actually read Knickerless Nickleby Nicholas Nickleby, but once you hear a name like “Wackford Squeers,” you don’t soon forget it.

  172. Poteet
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#74): I never use my mailbox for outgoing mail any more, same reason. And I just know I’ll fail to see the humor if LUANN features mailbox-vandalizing hijinks during the next few days.

  173. Dood
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D. What’s with Rex’s jazz hands?

  174. Uncle Lumpy
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#169):

    When your virility gets verdant, it’s bath time!

  175. Chaze
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#167): I mentioned a few days back that I managed to buy a first edition Hardy Boys set from my hometown library. When the rewritten editions came out, they tucked away the old set, complete with dust covers, in a box somewhere. They were still in the box, as packaged fifty years ago, when I paid $5.00 each for them at a library book sale. The librarians acted guilty, as if they were pulling a fast one on me.

    //The real hoot was seeing my signature as a ten year old on the sign out cards.

  176. Hogenmogen
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Unlike the other ponderous serial strips, I like Gil Thorp’s new blitzkrieg-pace plot advancement. O’Irish went from sitting on the bleachers to suiting up for his first game in 3 quick panels. If this were a Sunday strip, where there’s even more room for fast-forwarding, we’d get this:
    Panel 4 – “Thanks to your field goal, we made the playdowns!”
    Panel 5 – “We can only hope to live up to last year’s fabulous championship season that you made happen, O’Irishkid.”
    Panel 6 – “Wow, we look so young in these old yearbook pictures.”
    “Except Coach Thorp looks exactly the same. Odd, isn’t it?”
    Panel 7 – “Hey, there’s that nerd that you used to tease.”
    “He’s an English teacher that loves to correct everyone’s grammar. What a dick.”

  177. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#11): MW: She’s not just hungry, she’s firsty!

    Oh, well played sir, well played. You win!

    //To add to the humor, when I first (heh) attempted to read this to my husband, so he could enjoy it too, the “irst” got away from me and “Mary Worth” came out as “Mary Worst.” Hello, Dr. Freud!

  178. Hogenmogen
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#139): Actually, Spiderman can stick to anything, so he could really walk on the tightrope upside down. That’s far less abusive of physics and logic than anything else in this plotline.

  179. Cleve Barrister
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#129): Yes-Life is truly “brutal” in the hospital cafeteria

  180. Der Schnärkïnätör
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    MT – Panel 2: It looks as of the role of Doc is being played by Patrick Stewart today.

    Make it so Number 1!!

  181. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#167):

    Plenty of girls’ series books, too, though their adventures were generally a lot less adventuresome. My library has a special collection of such, and has published this
    checklist of titles up through 1991:

    http://special.lib.umn.edu/clrc/girlsseriesbook.html

  182. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

  183. Poteet
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    MT — I don’t know much about dogs, but I would have thought that carrying one’s dog in one’s arms while escaping out the door would be (a) awkward, and (be) unnecessary. Of course this unfortunate dog is owned by Rusty, which may explain it.

  184. Der Schnärkïnätör
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#180):

    Resistance is Bru-tile!

  185. commodorejohn
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – I love this strip.

    A3G – How drunk is Prof. Papagoras right now? Sooooooo drunk, that’s how drunk. Look at him stare blearily two feet to the right of Luann, cocking his head to adjust for the steady tilting of the room…are there two of her, or is it just him?

    C&B – “1920s Swimsuit Ladies.” God, this strip is made of win.

    Crock – …what. (I guess I should be grateful for this incoherence, stubborn anti-futurist that I am, because if this cartoon made any sense, I’d have to deal with knowing that I agree with Crock on something.)

    Curtis – Gee, Chutney, I wonder why he doesn’t return your obsessive affections?

    DT – Is it in bad taste to say that that is a bad-ass tower explosion? That’s some majestic radiation-type stuff emanating from them.

    JP – “I can shoot a moose from a helicopter, boy, you don’t want to mess with me. I’m a pitbull with lipstick, you betcha!”

    Lola – Hey, now! You don’t need drugs to be weird as hell! [*]

    Luann – The fuck. These people are out of their God-damn minds.

    MT – Is there anything better than Doc and Cherry rationalizing away their concern for Rusty while he’s in indecisively mortal danger?

    MW – Patient: “Is…is she wearing all purple? No, that can’t be it, nobody would do that. My color vision must be going! Oh God, get the doctor over here quick!”

    Phantom – “Look, I’m just on my way to the Wing Commander auditions, okay? Can anybody give me some directions? Geez, is this how you treat all travellers in this town?”

    RMMD – “Emphasis on ‘bum,’ if you know what I mean!”

    WoI – Merlin-like, the Wizard lives backwards, so that he “remembers” things that won’t happen for hundreds of years to come (while not yet having learned of his years-past marriage to Blanche, which explains why he always forgets their anniversary.) Perceiving a tragedy yet to come, does he leave any kind of message warning the people of the future? Nope. But he does think it was pretty sad, so I guess that should make us feel better?

  186. Hogenmogen
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Gil: How shitty does your team have to be when you ask if anyone can handle a simple kickoff and the answer is essentially “No. Let’s ask that guy in the stands.”

  187. Poteet
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#181): My gosh, Judy Bolton. It’s been a long time.

  188. rumpled tulip
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#149): Rem acu tetigisti, as Jeeves would say.

    You made me smile for the first time today.

  189. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: Okay, so Dawn has just finished an orientation meeting, and she’s only now having breakfast? Girl needs to work on her time management skills!

  190. Poteet
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#185): Re LUANN, yeah.

  191. Peanut Gallery
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#145): You must have been especially valuable in naval combat. You know what they say, “Loose Fish Sink Ships!”

    @Ian Beste (#169): This isn’t the first time someone’s been confused about a term for a long-handled gardening tool can also mean an immoral pleasure seeker.

  192. Poteet
    September 11th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @kanomi (#162): Rex is too special for slurping. I bet he uses a giant straw.

  193. Peanut Gallery
    September 11th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Crock – All your base are belong to us.

  194. Poteet
    September 11th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    MW — Could you please get your first decent hairstyle? Please, I’m begging you. Bald would be better.

  195. Mibbitmaker
    September 11th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    A new PCK Extra is now up.

    More on 9/11, drawn today…

  196. terrapin
    September 11th, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#114): I’m totally hoping that’s how this story ends.

  197. tallyHO
    September 11th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#73):

    Or, is Clown-9 the BEST worst super villain ever?

    //he would be hands down the worst Supper Villain Ever. He’d have no manners, wouldn’t pass the peas and would complain about the cooking. And, he’d probably hang a spoon from his nose and try to make people laugh while they are drinking.

    Worst Supper Villain Ever.

  198. Peanut Gallery
    September 11th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#167), @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#181): Project Gutenberg has The Automobile Girls, Campfire Girls, Moving Picture Girls and Outdoor Girls.

    That reminds me, Rev. Scudder, here is a reference book you really should have on your virtual shelf. I’m sure it will provide many helpful shortcuts when you’re composing your CC comments!

  199. KreatureFeatures
    September 11th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Thank you Josh, for the Crock snark. It was good to the last drop.

    And casino LF’s comment about shooting Rusty was another winner.

    Meanwhile, today’s Archie is so weak that no one could be bothered to mock it.

  200. Old School Allie Cat
    September 11th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): Well, I’m basing my statement on the International Phonetic Alphabet – which says, regardless of where you are from, that if you put your top teeth on your lower lip and expel air without vocalizing (an unvoiced labio-dental fricative), it make the F sound. Do the same thing with the vocalization (using your larynx) and it makes the V sound.

    So, I’m really talking about phonemes and not letters.

    But, I will say, I hear a lot of my colleagues from India switch out their Vs and Ws.

    I don’t know why.

  201. Alison
    September 11th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: There was a story in FOOB about 20 years back that was much like this one, although not nearly as overdramatic. Michael writes a love letter to Martha*, mails it, and then freaks out because he decides it was a bad idea. He tries to get the letter back but the postman won’t give it to him. In the end the letter is returned to him marked “insignificant postage”. My guess is that this story will go exactly the same way. Quill ain’t getting that letter; it would complicate things too much.

    *Martha = Mike’s childhood crush, whom we later find out got married and had twins right out of high school, because in FOOBland if you don’t get married and have kids before age 25 you are a pathetic loser who will never be loved. Either that or you’re stuck in a relationship with an evil French-Canadian.

    “Mary Worth”: Gah, Dawn is such a puppet. All Mary has to do is tell her “You should go volunteer at a hospital!” and next thing you know there’s Dawn wandering around a hospital. She is so lame and I hope her first patient is Dave.

  202. Inkwell
    September 11th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    The fact that TV games with optional virtual reality is the big thing in Crock gives us one more hint as to when the hell it’s taking place… (In an alternate reality where no one time period corresponds to any of our own.)

  203. hibbleton
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#200):
    Well, I’m basing my statement on the International Phonetic Alphabet – which says, regardless of where you are from, that if you put your top teeth on your lower lip and expel air without vocalizing (an unvoiced labio-dental fricative), it make the F sound. Do the same thing with the vocalization (using your larynx) and it makes the V sound.

    W V Fucking A!

  204. tymime
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    No offense, Josh, but your comments on Six Chix makes absolutely no sense.

  205. The Ghost of Jarrod
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#82):

    “The North Cafeteria — named after Admiral William North — is located in the western portion of East Hall, gateway to the western half of North Hall, which is named not after William Hall, but for its position above the South Wall. It is the most contested and confusing battle field on Greendale’s campus, next to the English Memorial Spanish Center, named after English Memorial, a Portuguese sailor who discovered Greendale while looking for a fountain that cured syphilis.”

  206. Mr. O'Malley
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#200): There’s another kind of F that doesn’t use the teeth, just the lips. I don’t know if it has its own IPA character though.

  207. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#154): Here’s all the Hardy Boys you really need. (This is part one — the other parts are around as well. I leave them as a challenge to your sleuthing abilities.)

    Chaze, The Sinister Signpost is my favorite Hardy Boys book. It’s just so damned weird, and it was even in the 60s. Oh my god! It’s… a sign! And it turned RED!!

    @Poteet (#187): My wife has a modest Judy Bolton collection. I got her another one last year for a present, from a local bookseller whose prices are high enough that things will stay on the shelf a while. I decided we couldn’t afford one with a slipcover.

  208. Mr. O'Malley
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#167): My father used to tell me about a book he read as a boy, which featured a picture captioned: “The mighty airship hurtled through the air at a speed of a mile a minute.”

    A few years ago I found it in a used bookstore — The Air King’s Treasure. It was a lucky find since my father didn’t remember the name of the book.

    So now, thanks to Thomas Pynchon, it’s become a valuable collectible?

  209. Lenoxus
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @tymime (#204): The original story may be a metaphor for having sex with various seemingly-unprincely men until you find Mr. Right. That’s somewhat odd and somewhat normal, but delegating the task to your ladies-in-waiting is a new frontier of weird.

    As for Crock, I interpret the punchline as a pun on “virtual”. “Virtual” things, in some linguistic contexts, either don’t exist or barely do. Hence, what could be more “virtual” than no games (as opposed to “one or more games”)?

  210. tallyHO
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#206):

    Hey, you Fun Ettic Dorks!

    //wikipedia does have a very extensive entry on IPA. It is a delicious entry, too. It might be a little bit too hoppy for some people’s tastes. But…

  211. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @rumpled tulip (#188): One endeavors to give satisfaction, Comrade Tulip.

  212. parcheesi
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    Even assuming that Crock is naught but esoteric in-jokes and call-outs, as had been jocosely implied earlier on this blog, this comic still baffles me. ” ‘Virtual reality’ is the thing of the future… everyone needs a TV game with it… how many do you want?” That’s like some “colorless green ideas sleep furiously” material right there. I have to assume that even the parties privy to whatever the hell this means would be baffled to some extent.

  213. littlestevie
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    Fred B: So we are finally getting Olympics jokes in Fred Basset. The games have been over for about a month. Do they send these strips over the Atlantic by steamship? They do have the internet in the U.K. don’t they?

  214. Mr. O'Malley
    September 11th, 2012 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#210): I guess I was talking about the bilabial F, but there is a huge amount of stuff in that IPA page. I think you would really have to take a class to learn some of those subtle differences.

    I feel more confident dealing with the liquid kind of IPA.

  215. Chaze
    September 11th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#207): The original Sinister Signpost was also very strange. Started off as a missing racehorse mystery and then turned into an underground alien spy caper. The sign? A huge hand whose index finger pointed which way to go at a crucial intersection in the middle of the woods. I know, pretty much Mark Trail type stuff.

  216. Liam
    September 11th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#178):

    That was a sarcastic response to Mary Jane’s reaction to Spiderman being on the tightrope.

  217. Liam
    September 11th, 2012 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    A3G-It’s easy for Margo to be a lady of leisure. It’s called not doing every single job under the sun. Every week this woman is doing something different. This week I’ll run an art gallery. Next week I’ll be a publicist.

  218. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#198): The Useful Phrases Book – the mind boggles. Where did you ever come across that?

    It would be so easy to plug those phrases into a database, and use a random number generator to just…

    You know you can download a free audiobook of it here? Imagine, playing it over and over while commuting to work, jogging, while you sleep?

    // Am I wrong in thinking this is a major well-spring of rhetorical evil?

  219. Old School Allie Cat
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#214):
    @tallyHO (#210):

    I took a class in college – it’s not the consonants that vary much from language to language… it’s the vowels.

    I geek out on phonetics in a big way.

    The fact that anyone joined me for this trip down a rabbit hole is just fantastic!!

  220. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#200): But, I will say, I hear a lot of my colleagues from India switch out their Vs and Ws.
    I don’t know why.

    Just to confuse you. They know better.

    // I blame the Illuminati. Or maybe the Bilderberg Group, or the 1001 Club, or the Bohemian Grove, or the Committee of 300, or the Council on Foreign Relations, or the Freemasons, or Opus Dei, or Skull and Bones, or the Trilateral Commission, or the Mafia. One of those, or maybe all of them. Obama is in on it too, no doubt. You’re in trouble, friend.

  221. kkarenb
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#154):
    “My mother forced me to read a Hardy Boys book when I was eight (the nuns had her convinced that boys enjoyed them) but I quit when nobody could explain why they didn’t call the cops.”

    Are you still reading Mark Trail?

  222. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#208): So now, thanks to Thomas Pynchon, it’s become a valuable collectible?

    The Air King’s Treasure? A king’s ransom, for sure!

  223. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#221):

    @Droopy Says (#154):
    “My mother forced me to read a Hardy Boys book when I was eight (the nuns had her convinced that boys enjoyed them) but I quit when nobody could explain why they didn’t call the cops.”

    Are you still reading Mark Trail?

    Ah, but he was so much older then,
    He’s younger than that now.

  224. Calico
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#48):
    See, Luann can’t count!

  225. tallyHO
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#214): @Old School Allie Cat (#219):

    It is interesting to me, too. Though, I fear that I abuse what little knowledge that is in my noggin by just making puns and concocting wordplay.

  226. Hart of Johnny
    September 11th, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Panel 3 of Gil Thorp, where the kid is telling Irish that kickers aren’t really football players, is probably the most realistic thing to ever appear in the strip.

  227. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#215): I’m pretty sure I have a fairly old edition of The Sinister Signpost around here. The library’s book sale got a whole batch of those old ones* (and the ones about the aviator, that also had “Dixon’s” name on them — my library had all but the last one when I was a kid, so I bought that one), and I bought that, but all I can find now is The Missing Chums and the detective handbook that cost like two whole dollars when I was in grade school.

    *My gut definition of ‘old’ is ones that have a frontispiece on glossy paper, instead of just the usual pen drawing. I think this one meets that definition.

  228. pastordan, no friend of the apostrophe
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Late-night snark additions:

    Apt. 3-G: Anyone want to bet the gallery will be decorated in pastels by the end of the week?

    9 Chickweed Lane: This is less snark than simply crankiness: why the f*** hasn’t Edda kicked him in the balls and walked off yet?

    Judge Parker: Avery is a terrible negotiator. First he folds and gives Sam everything he wants. Then he backs Bea into a corner, where she can’t give him what he wants without embarrassing herself. How did this guy get to be the head of a major motion picture studio? Oh, right. He appreciates fine pot…

    Mark Trail: Oh Christ, the sight of Doc in panel two will fill me with horror for weeks to come. I mean, Cherry’s just Elrod’s love doll drawn from three-quarters profile. But Doc, Doc…it’s like a simpering Hector Salamanca without the wheelchair, or the redemptive possibility of blowing half of Mark Trail’s skull off. On the other hand, Rusty’s finally wanted. I think he should stay right where he’s at.

    Mary Worth: Judging by the guys standing in the shadows behind Dawn, I’m thinking either “Tall, dark and handsome,” or “Tall, dark and handsome with a chainsaw and a hockey mask.” It’s probably the captain from that stupid cruise ship.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Jazz hands!

    Slylock Fox: Boy, the only difference I could find is that the cat has a shank to use in the shower in panel two. Am I missing something?

    One more, about Crock. The situation seems clear to me: we’re living in a computer simulation, and this is the part where the simulation becomes clumsily, haltingly self-aware. Expect much horror to follow.

  229. JudoThrowToy
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who noticed that Family Circus botched the punchline today?

  230. seismic-2
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#201): Luann: You’re absolutely right – much “hilarity” will ensue as Brad and Toni (and eventually TJ, of course) go through all sorts of stupid schemes in an unsuccessful attempt to retrieve the letter, which eventually will simply be returned to sender because Luann tried to mail it to Australia using a single first-class stamp. You think Luann knows anything about international postal rates???

  231. seismic-2
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @JudoThrowToy (#229): Why should today be any different?

  232. Peanut Gallery
    September 11th, 2012 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#218): I forget how I found out about the book, but it is certainly the perfect tool should you ever need to assemble an impressive-yet-meaningless after-dinner speech for a 19th-century gentlemen’s club. In other words, indispensable!

    After much careful study of this work, I’ve come to understand that the difference between Useful, Significant, Felicitous, and Impressive Phrases, is that they contain respectively 2, 3, 4, and 5 words each. The man was a genius.

    I didn’t know about the audio book; that has real possibilities! Of a kind… I suppose.

    As for your database-&-random-selection idea, let’s just say that great minds think alike. Here are a few samples from my two-word phrase generator:

    cowering atoms
    gladiatorial intelligence
    lawless discipline
    laughable inertness
    unwavering garrulity
    inarticulate acumen
    pensive gibberish

    Better not let McEldowney get ahold of it. But it could only improve A3G.

  233. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#232): Last night my wife and I watched Alfred Hitchcock’s 1935 film The 39 Steps. There’s a scene where the hero, fleeing from the police, stumbles into a political rally. He is mistaken for the featured speaker, and is forced to make an impromptu speech for a parliamentary candidate he’s never heard of. Thinking on his feet, he puts together a rousing speech filled with platitudes about making a better country and a better world for everybody, and is given a standing ovation.

    Though he did well, I thought just now how much easier it would have been for Richard Hannay ,at this harrowing moment, had he been listening to an MP3 version of “Useful Phrases” on his iPod as he fled across the moors pursued by dozens of rozzers and an autogyro. It gives one pause. Who knows when such a situation could happen to you or me?

    I’m getting my copy directly. I can almost hear the autogyro coming for me!

  234. kkarenb
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    FC – This explains why Dolly is balding in middle age.

  235. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    GT: Uh-oh. Irish Terry’s knight comment has outed him as a Loyalist. Milford High is going to be a cold and hostile place for an Orangeman.

    MT: “Kids love to explore, Cherry. Why I remember when I was Rusty’s age. There was this girl next door and we…”
    “LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

    MW: Odd. I thought Stephen Strange had to retire from surgery.

    FW: Once again we bring you the evil schemes of the world’s most easily-amused supervillain.

    JP: I guess it’s physically safer to accuse Bea rather than Bubba (although who knows?) Still, all that famous Avery Black charm for nothing.

    RMMD: We know you can’t read, Rex. No need to make a big deal out of it.

    H&L: And so begins Trixie Flagston’s long and distinguished career in perjury for hire.

    FC: This panel first ran in 1966, but with the original distasteful Asian joke has been excised.

    Luann: If this idiocy leads to Brad and Toni being prosecuted for tampering with the US mail, the story won’t be a total loss.

    S-M: While onstage some bored actor is watching TV on his smartphone. Sounds about right.

    H&J: Oh, just slap him until he gives you the opinion you want.

  236. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#171): …once you hear a name like “Wackford Squeers,” you don’t soon forget it.

    Dickens is the undisputed King of Great Character Names (two of my favorites are “Tilly Slowboy” and “Uriah Heep”!)

  237. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, no friend of the apostrophe (#228):

    Expect much horror to follow.

    Kinda goes without saying in Crock.

  238. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#236): Hey, that’d be a great name for a rock… oh, yeah. Never mind.

  239. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#18): I would give the nod for classiest 9/11 tribute to One Big Happy myself. Which isn’t much of a surprise, but I figured I’d say it.

  240. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#238): Another great Dickens name for a rock band would be Tiny Tim!

    // What?

  241. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#239): I didn’t see that until someone else mentioned it — it’s the comic strip that looks different in every browser, or something. Anyway, the one at Darkgate is Classic or something. It’s well done.

    The one that really got to me was in the “Crimestoppers” box in the Sunday Dick Tracy. It was just a dry recitation of facts, and it mentions how many police officers and fire fighters died that day, and that really knocked me for a loop.

  242. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:03 am [Reply]

  243. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    MW — Do I see a one-armed oddly-featured blond Prince Charming with a big sammich? Be still, my beating heart…

  244. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    MT — Yep, Rusty’s an alien and Sassy is too. She’s barking out directions. “Faster, Zondax, faster! Use the jetpack!”

  245. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    RMMD — Why do I keep getting the feeling that we’re supposed to see Rex as more of a stern, rugged, June-lusting dude these latter days? Sorry, but random frowny faces just won’t convince me.

  246. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#242): Little Nell was great. Who would have thought that an all theremin and banjo klezmer band, with neo-post-modern Gregorian chant lyrics, would have been such a hit? As Keith Richards put it when they broke up, “One must have a heart of a Rolling Stone to read of the death of Little Nell without laughing.”

  247. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    Good night…sleep tight…and pleasant dreeeeams to you…

  248. Droopy Says
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#221): Yeah, but I’m more easily amused now than I was back then.

  249. Droopy Says
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: We interrupt Spiderman’s crisis for MJ’s crisis, which is not “How can she go on stage when her husband is making a fool of himself,” but “What happens when she realizes her husband is performing in front of a bigger and more-interested audience than she is?”

    FU, W: Is this Batiuk’s subtle way of admitting he has writer’s block?

    Mock Trail: Too bad this isn’t winter. The way Rusty carries Sassy is the perfect set-up for an Eliza-on-the-ice scene. Yay ice!

    Jugs Parker: Sam? Where’s your “I’m With Suicidal” t-shirt?

  250. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#246): Apropos of nothing, Wiki tells me,

    Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones named one of his guitars (an early ’50s Fender Telecaster with a Gibson PAF humbucking pickup installed in the neck position) “Micawber.” Richards is known to be a fan of Dickens. Of the unusual moniker attached to the instrument, Richards said, “There’s no reason for my guitar being called Micawber, apart from the fact that it’s such an unlikely name. There’s no one around me called Micawber, so when I scream for Micawber everyone knows what I’m talking about.”

  251. commodorejohn
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#236), @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#238): Hmm…

    *goes to put on Demons & Wizards*

  252. bats :[
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:10 am [Reply]

  253. Elk Meadow
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    I am so going to miss Cul de Sac…. Why do the best ones have to go?

  254. Elk Meadow
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    Luann: Back after the events of 9/11, Brad decided to become a firefighter. That was the last of the good arcs of the Luann strips. (There were some good ones. Trust me.) So what is Brad doing this year, on The Anniversary? Getting ready to commit a felony for the stupidest reason of digging out a letter out of a corner mailbox, a letter that would probably have never left the country due to lack of correct postage, a stupid love letter his sister wrote, all on the insistence of a woman who can’t keep her stories straight (Is Shannon her niece, her cousin, her daughter, or a kidnapped child?) and who pretty much has made it clear that she’s dating Brad because there isn’t anything else to do.

  255. Jason1981
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    Luann: Don’t worry, un-seen officer, those three aren’t going anywhere. Kind of like their relationships. (and the plot, and the status quo, and…

    S-M: MJ’s doesn’t mean the play will be her toughest performance yet. Acting like she cares if her husband gets his butt kicked, however…..

  256. Droopy Says
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:59 am [Reply]

    Luann: Please let the cop be Dirk. Please let him lapse into an uncontrolled rage that reduces Luann, Toni and Piggyface to an undistinguished red mass on the sidewalk. Please let him do it with that fixed grin that is otherwise so annoying.

  257. Liam
    September 12th, 2012 at 5:43 am [Reply]

    FW-No. I can’t think thoughts of Superman wearing plastic body armor and dating Jimmy Olsen. It should be Wonder Woman he dates.

    FW 2-And here we learn the secret origin of DC’s “New 52″ as told by Batiuk.

    MT-”Kid stop. The forest isn’t safe. It’s full of dangerous poachers who know how to shoot people.”

    MW-Dawn will fall in love with this guy because he has amazing sandwich skills just like her father.

  258. Liam
    September 12th, 2012 at 5:45 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-More tougher than pretending to be in love with a man who trade your marriage for the life of his elderly aunt?

  259. Mr. O'Malley
    September 12th, 2012 at 6:01 am [Reply]

    The last rolls of film my father ever took were lost to a mailbox robbery. I found out because my friend got a call “Hey man, I saw your rent check lying on the ground over by the post office.” Sure enough someone had busted open the mailbox and ripped open all the mail. By the time I got over there it had been cleaned up, so I never found those rolls of film I was sending in for developing.

    I had been posting stuff in that mailbox for something like 20 years. Now the post office itself is closed and all the mailboxes are gone.

    I say throw the book at them. No punishment is too severe.

  260. Hogenmogen
    September 12th, 2012 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    Rex’s expression in panel 3 is the funniest bit in my dead-tree paper this morning.

    “You saved my life a few years back.”

    Rex’s expression says “And I didn’t get a fishing boat or beach vacation. The best I can hope for is a free hop to the airport. Clearly not worth the effort.”

  261. gleeb
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    3-G: Exciting drama as Margo is pushed aside by the guy she’s been trying to get rid of anyway.

    Dick: Sam Catchem, sly dog.

    ‘bean: Take THAT, J Michael Straczynski! Or is this a look at a different America, one where comic-book hawkers are not so ashamed of their baldness that they wear dead animals on their heads and where they are willing to criticize the writers of the serial fiction they peddle…Nah, Batiuk just wanted to stick his tongue out at someone.

    Luann: You can run, but never fast enough to escape…The Postal Inspectors! I would love it if Greggums switched this strip into exciting tales of the Silent Service. (No, not submariners, though that would be cool, too.)

    Pluggers: …welcome a chance to get fresh underwear.

    Rex: Uh oh, one of the help has dared speak to Doc Morgan without being spoken to first.

  262. CanuckDownSouth
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    I was going to chide xkcd for its lack of awareness of major sports in the non-US world, but realized that hockey arguments are religious, not sports dialogues.

  263. casino LF
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#262): I was also disheartened by the lack of hockey, then I remembered the lockout and got even more depressed. This, and no more Lidstrom. What’s a girl to do?

  264. zapatillastiend
    January 3rd, 2014 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    Heya terrific blog! Does running a blog such as this take a great deal of work? I have very little expertise in computer programming however I was hoping to start my own blog in the near future. Anyways, should you have any suggestions or techniques for new blog owners please share. I know this is off topic nevertheless I just wanted to ask. Thank you!

  265. Buenozapatillas
    January 14th, 2014 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    I was curious if you ever considered changing the structure of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two images. Maybe you could space it out better?

Comments are closed for this post.