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Gil Thorp, 9/17/12

“Let’s put it this way … we only have one bonfire, and it burns forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. Constant human sacrifice is necessary to keep the sacred flames alive, but we consider this a small price to pay for its numinous protection. Surely your own Druid ancestors would approve! Oh, yeah, and, like, we get all jazzed up about football too, I guess. But mostly we’re into the searing fire of divine grace.”

Slylock Fox, 9/17/12

Oh, Slylock! Your fancy science knowledge might explain why those balloons popped, but elementary physics will never help you understand why this innocent birthday party for children so quickly turned into a scene of vicious adult accusations and recriminations.

Marmaduke, 9/17/12

Marmaduke has finally succeeded in digging a hole back to the hell-dimension from which he was long ago exiled, and now he plans to climb down a ladder he stole from a fireman he ate and reclaim his awful kingdom.

Ziggy, 9/17/12

The mice who live in Ziggy’s walls are really into whip-its, but tonight things have gotten out of hand.

Wizard of Id, 9/17/12

Sir Rodney’s date caught a venereal disease from a frog.