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Twelve angry idiots


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Herb and Jamaal, 11/14/12

Jamaal mangles the ancient punchline, “… twelve people too stupid to get out of jury duty”, and outs himself as an idiot.

Pluggers, 11/14/12

… b-but the joke is that Spaniel-man is spending exactly the same time looking for his glasses and wearing them. Right? Am I missing some subtlety here? Oh, wait — it’s Pluggers.

Phantom, 11/14/12

It’s time for Hide the Lion — and anybody can play! Hot Queen is ticked, and the mighty Llongo warriors look all mopey. Everything is proceeding as Pissy Elder has forseen.

Heathcliff, 11/14/12

Garfield is disgusting. Oh, wait, this is Heathcliff. Well, Garfield is disgusting too, but this is Heathcliff.

Apartment 3-G, 11/14/12

Hey, it’s Six Differences time again! Can you spot the changes Greg has made to Mrs. Bloom’s apartment? Moving the invisible piano doesn’t count. (Hint: he locked the Taser® up with the sex toys. Margo’s in for one hell of a night.)

Spider-Man, 11/14/12

Yes, Peter — Sherry would have dug Genghis Khan, and you would have dug out the yak wallow behind his yurt.


– Uncle Lumpy

193 responses to “Twelve angry idiots”

  1. Droopy Says
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Yes, Parker, she would have gone for Genghis Khan. Women and their attraction for big, powerful, adventurous, intelligent men over whatever you are. Go home and cuddle your remote.

    Flunky: A spin-off It’s more like a rip-off of R2D2. Paint a smirk on it and let it mope around.

    Jugs Parker:What’s not to like? Aside from Avery? This is the point where Bea needs to bitch-slap Bubba and remind him that he has only known Avery for two days, and in those two days Avery has shown a strange mixture of careless wealth, lechery and infantile behavior. Plus, he hangs out with that gullible idiot Sam Driver. And now he’s sweet-talked you into a scheme that makes no economic sense and is a sure route to bankruptcy? Bubba, Avery is a con artist. Anyone engaged in a criminal enterprise should know better than to deal with him. Come on, what makes you think a solar farm will pay enough to support your lavish tastes in booze and paintings?

    Family Circus: “Mommy, PJ could play hide and squeak better if you’d change his diapers more often.”

    Mock Trail: Trail’s sudden concern that his captors are bad men would be more convincing if he had a clip-art frown.

    Pluggers: This joke is much better in The Joys of Yiddish. Brookins, you’re a shlemiel.

  2. Inkwell
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    It’s so shameless when comic strips just retell old jokes. Herb and Jamaal is a common offender, but I’ve seen others.

    Why make a comic, guys? Why?

  3. seismic-2
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Wow. There’s not a trace of Mrs. Bloom here!” Greg is a very efficient trunk murderer. And coming from Margo, that’s a real compliment!

    Phantom: “Hunters are back! NO LION!” OK, OK, I believe you – the hunters are back. Sheesh!

    H&J: What’s worse is that the defendant’s fate is in the hands of a District Attorney and a defense lawyer both of whom are actually satisfied with Jamaal as a juror.

    Spidey: Peter doesn’t just have a job mopping floors, he has a job mopping floors that dozens of lions, tigers, bears, elephants, and hippos with diarrhea have just spent the last two hours peeing and pooping on. This is my most favoritest Spiderman strip, ever!

  4. thebirdgirl
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Anxious bachelors everywhere can let out a sigh of relief! The bar for interior decoration has been set (by a former professional, albeit a terrible one), and it is “hope that the previous tenant took all her belongings to her new home, and then put some of your stuff against the walls.”
    Who knew it was so simple?

  5. Mibbitmaker
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    H&J (meta): Jeez, Jamaal! It’s a good thing Jamaal’s not in a line of work where he has to communicate humor in a clear, concise manner as intended by even a basic joke so an audience of some sort can get the idea being put out there!
    Oh, wait……
    ….Nah. I was right the first time.

    Pluggers: In black and white, we can see the kind of mechanical line shading that comic originator Jeff MacNelly used to such great effect in his ’70s editorial cartoons. In color, as above, however, it’s just a creature with bad underarm perspiration.

    Phantom (meta): The “pissy elder”, in this case, is Tom Batiuk.

    Heathcliff: In Garfield, that would be Odie’s job. Of course, then it would be a blizzard!

    A3G: “You’re all heart, Margo”, says Mrs. Bloom. (and I have no doubt Margo’ll be the one using the taser on Greg in the sex toy scenario)

    S-M:
    ‘Well, she probably was Eva Braun in another life.’
    “Jeez, Parker, stop standing there, staring at the talent in deep thought already! The elephant in cage #5 just puked — get in there with the mop, already!”

  6. Brent
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    “The hunters are back! No Lion!”
    “No Lion, no lyin’?”
    “No lyin’, no lion!”

  7. Uncle Lumpy
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    @Brent (#6):

    Nylon!

  8. Crazy Jay
    November 14th, 2012 at 4:57 am [Reply]

    Parker do something productive?! I don’t buy it.

  9. Droopy Says
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    @Crazy Jay (#8): It was the animals who produced, so the world remains in balance. Peter Parker, litter-box attendant!

  10. Liam
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:55 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-Sorry, sir, but I was in the back obsessing over my irrational hatred of Kraven.

    A3G-”I’m impressed that you were able to get rid of the smell of cat urine.”

    FC-And that’s how PJ ended up on the bottom of the lake.

    H&J-Reminds me of a time that I got of jury duty and then afterwards I realized it was for a court where you get paid just for showing up even if you spend all week there and don’t get picked for any juries you get paid. Turns out I outsmarted myself as well.

    Archie-Sadly that wasn’t a headache Ms. Grundy was having. It was an embolism and Archie yelling just popped it.

    FW-Keep that robot away from Milford or else the high school football coach there will want it to join his football team.

    JP-Some of the nature being destroyed so you can build the solar farm.

    Love Is-The wood is symbolic for his erection.

    RMMD-This is San Diego, right? What ever happened to that famous news anchor they had back in the Seventies?

    Zippy the Pinhead-This a perfect time for Josh not to be here when this strip is taking place in his hometown.

  11. Horace Broon aka Doc
    November 14th, 2012 at 6:50 am [Reply]

    DT: “It was back in the early years of our respective strips, when Walt was still a young man, and I looked exactly the same as I do now.”

    EC: Either it’s a threat or it’s spam. Either way…

    GT: FOR PITY’S SAKE RUBIN, IRISH PEOPLE UNDERSTAND COMMON METAPHORS!

    MT: Mark Trail, alleged environmentalist, completely ignores that all the pelicans are covered in oil.

  12. Here Come the Judge
    November 14th, 2012 at 6:50 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: What’s not to like? Small Breasts! What? Oh, I thought you meant in general…

  13. Here Come the Judge
    November 14th, 2012 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    The Phantom, The Ghost-Who-Stands-Around-Awkwardly-While-The-Hot-Queen-Yells-At-Her-Subjects, seems to have bestowed a ceremonial purple-drank shirt on Bea, The Ghost-Who-Is-Overdeveloped. Good thing they chose spandex!

  14. Liam
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-Parker, why is there a sticky white spot on the floor? It’s like someone was masturbating their frustration out over Kraven working here.

  15. CanuckDownSouth
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    What’s not to like? Getting into business with someone so lacking in sense that they’re completely incapable of balancing personal safety versus photos of catching a fish (who’s still out there for further tries!).

    And who thinks a solar farm will generate Picasso-level profits. Geez, no wonder people are so resistant to “green energy” – they know it’s all going to support dissolute solar panel tycoons! ;-)

  16. pugfuggly
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    Pluggers is celebrating their international readers, which includes anyone outside the corn belt!

    Phantom Wait a minute! Are these guys speaking ‘in the bandar tongue’ or not? Is that why the hunters look so confused?

    A3G “There’s not a trace of Mrs Bloom in here! How did you ever manage to get the bloodstains out of the carpet, and where did you stuff the torso?”

    ASM It’s been a little while since I checked in on Spidey. Glad to see he finally quit that tough occasional photographer gig and found something more his speed.

  17. terrapin
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    JP: “What’s not to like? I’m addicted to weed you moron!”

  18. gleeb
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    3-J: “How did you eliminate the funny smell? I need to use your trick on Tommie.”

    ‘bean: “Spinoff?” What the hell is that supposed to mean in this context? Is this some more “solo car date” stuff, or is it “devil strip” with a meaning that no one outside of a tiny portion of Ohio will understand? At any rate, it truly cements the character of Owen the Idiot. He is an all-purpose, unwashed, one-size-fits-all idiot, with no other qualities.

    H&L: Trixie, like many small children, imagines playing the role of her mother. In time, she’ll realize that no one much likes those who deal in real estate.

    One Morning in a Mineshaft: Don’t you see, Bubba? Avery wears green glasses; Bea wears blue. they’re incompatible.

    June and the Strippers: “Only so much room in the ambulance.” Uh huh. Pull the other one, you had a fried clam jones that needed satisfying.

    Baldo: You’re going to have to do it the hard way; start breaking bones until one of these idiot teens needs to go to the hospital, then follow him.

  19. lorne
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    “Parker! Why isn’t this floor mopped?”
    I’m going to spend the rest of the day listening to the old ’60s Spider-Man TV theme song, and trying to forget Janitor Peter Parker.

  20. Tom Allen
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    “There’s not a trace of Mrs. Bloom here! How in the world did you get rid of the bloodstains?”

  21. JustHangin
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Todd the Dinosaur: Aren’t Todd’s feet backwards in the last panel????

  22. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    H&J: The accused is indeed in the hands of those too stupid to get out of jury duty. On the other hand, the accused is in this situation because he was too stupid to get out of being arrested.

  23. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Garfield Minus Garfield makes sense, and is legitimately funnier than most legacy strips on a given day, thus proving the insolent feline to be superfluous.

  24. Col. Havoc
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Guest starring Patrick Stewart as the Pissy Elder.

  25. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    GT: “Some extra studying?”

    “Not really, I needed to see you about something. That’s why I came to the library and opened three books and started making notes on this pad, all of which would clearly indicate that I want to talk to you instead of doing something idiotic like studying.”

    “You thought that reading a textbook would summon me forth?”

    “It worked. Don’t knock my system. It’s better than texting.”

  26. Liam
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#16):

    ASM-And if the stories about Jameson are true being a janitor would pay more than being a photographer.

  27. Lynn
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Off topic: In light of the current Petraeus/Broadwell Allen/Kelley scandal, I regret my flirtatious communications with the Rev. Mr. Scudder and would just like to state for the record that our relationship is entirely innocent. Dammit.

  28. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Phantom, Spiderman and Pluggers!

    In other words:
    Lions, tigers and bears!

  29. Brian Weaver
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Apparently unaware that a janitor in show business is a Trade Union job. Poor Parker and the Mighty Kraven will get shut down by the Union for violation of union rules. Lets alone issues with the ASPCA, and PETA.

  30. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    @Lynn (#27): I know how you feel. I’ve been having an affair with Honey and Ginger in RMMD. Mmmm. And I don’t regret it.

  31. Justin
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    I think more strips should be like The Phantom and always include their titular characters standing in the background, staring at the action when they aren’t directly involved. I mean, Mary Worth is almost there as it is, but still.

  32. Andrusi
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    I think the joke in Pluggers is that even his time spent wearing his glasses is also counted toward his time spent looking for his glasses.

    Either that or pluggers actually own at least six pairs of glasses and can’t start their day until they’ve worn all of them.

  33. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I like that even Ginger is getting sick of June’s constant beaming.

    Honey: The video went viral! San Diego loves you guys! Ginger and I will give him free lap dances all night! Everybody on the beach wants to meet your husband! He’s the toast of the town! We’ll build a larger than life marble statue of him! What’s the matter, June? Not into a spontaneous ticker-tape parade just yet?

    June: Pause. Stop. Rewind back to “lap dances”.

  34. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    HotC: how about ANDERSON Cooper as Han? *really* shake up the franchise!!!

    Lio: hee! this could get good.

    SPp: O_O *backs away slowly*

    RwO: well, it DID need more cowbell. . .

  35. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . smootches and wood.

  36. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    SM: That’s probably JJJ yelling at Parker. He was overjoyed at being able to verbally abuse his lackluster photographer for sucking at two jobs instead of just one.

  37. Ethan Shuster
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    The writer of Spider-Man is in on the joke now, right? I mean they have to realize that people make fun of the comic for it showing us the loser version of Peter Parker, right? Or maybe that was the joke all along? Has any other supposed “superhero” ever said, “Oh, well, dating a murderous psychopath is her problem. I’ve got a floor to mop!”

    And I say “the writer” because I can’t really believe Stan Lee is writing a daily comic strip.

  38. John C Fremont
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    H & J – Hey, remember how Tom Batiuk spent all of last week telling us why comics don’t have to be funny?

  39. tb4000
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Sigh, even in Hong Kong they know.

  40. Chareth Cutestory
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Years ago she would have dug Ghengis Khan! He was a fun and interesting character in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

  41. Clint Brawny
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: is that shading, or a pizza grease stain?

  42. sully
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    With everybody and their brother carrying a cell phone camera these days, Parker’s 50 year freelance photographer job has dried up, and we all know how totally tit-useless he is as a costumed hero, so it’s nice to see he has finally settled into a steady career befitting his talents. Watching him mop up animal excretions has to be at least twice as exciting as anything else he ever does in that awful strip.

  43. nescio
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: I think he’s looking for one of those novelty hats that holds two glasses of beer and has straws going down to your mouth. Which was probably made in Hong Kong.

    Heathcliff: “And now my right foot’s frozen in the bird bath, I’ve got 5 seconds to peck it off before I become dinner.”

  44. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    ASM – “Years ago, she would have dug Ghengis Khan. Her, and about 50,000 or so other women. Heck, there is at least a 1% chance that she is a direct descendent of his. Sheesh, maybe I should have put my superpowers to use ensuring the survival of my DNA or some other great project. Oh well, enough cloud talk, I have a floor to mop.”

  45. Marc
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    A3G- There’s not a trace of Mrs. Bloom here! The old lady smell is completely gone. Although it’s been replaced by an entirely different smell….

    Mark Trail- I think the reason that this little island is so separated from the main island is because it is actually Jurrasic Park. I mean there are an awful lot of pteryodactyls flying around. No wonder we saw a different kid playing Ava’s son yesterday, one of those giant flying predators flew off with the original actor.

    Mary Worth- “Look Jim, I’m a little uneasy having this conversation with you right here, right now. I heard this song about a place where the streets have no names, and I’m pretty sure we’re there. I mean just look at the signs!”

    Funky- I can’t help but think that Owen the Idiot has been sent home from school repeatedly because of his horrible hygiene. There’s more grease on that kid than in the deep fat fryer at Weenie World.

    Luann- Look Luann err Evans, no matter how hard you try to make sociopathic and severe anti-social behavior romantic and cute, it’s not going to work. If somebody really wanted to do that insane closet case a favor, they send him to a shrink. Taking on Gunther as a patient would make some psychiatrist extremely rich.

    Archie- Cheech and Chong did it better with Sister Mary Elephant.

  46. Santa Royale With Cheese
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    JP: Bea is activating Sarah Palin Mode. This is gonna be good.

    RwO: This felt like a “six differences” strip today, except it was one panel. It must be too early in the morning when I stared dead-eyed at the picture for 5 minutes in search of the joke.

  47. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    we had a version of this show up on our back porch yesterday evening. Big ol’ tomcat, well fed, and a total purr-machine when touched.

    hover dachsies. (and a pun about being the K-99%)

    hover rhino. *runs screaming*

    for True Fable. Pyr?

    QWERTY neat!

    I .gif you Thor and Loki, PPG style! *fanboy squee*

    pile of leaves, with ferrets.

    The Daily Puppy is a Pyr mix, has posing down to an art.

    dual corgsqui

  48. Hibbleton
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    H&J: you’d think Jamal would show a little concern about the presiding judge holding a beer stein.

  49. Voshkod
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    The second panel was missing from today’s A3G. The artists apologize for this error, and have provided me with the missing dialogue:

    Greg: “I know. I put down some tarps first and eschewed the chainsaw this time. Lye in the bathtub took care of the rest.”

  50. Mikey
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MW: Good thing you still have one good hand, Jim….

  51. Verline
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    MW: Didn’t Mary basically have this same conversation with Dr. Jeff?

  52. Mibbitmaker
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    DT: Oh, please tell me they didn’t have that dopey crossover back in the day!!!

    JP: She’s looking a bit more Roseanne-ish today. Maybe a nut farm….

    MT:
    Sunday will be a tutorial on the dreaded silhouette bird
    (inkus chiaroscurii), considered a sign of foreboading on certain Caribbean islands.

    MW: Plus, there’s that sister thing! Yecch!

    RMMD: Of course, Rex’s own reaction face will be like theirs, only 1,000 times moreso!

  53. Greg
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    H&J: The only way the judge can endure having Jamaal on his jury is by drinking from a tankard openly in his courtroom. Can you blame him?

  54. Downpuppy
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    RxMigraine has yet another classic Panel 3 of reactions – June with the death rays & Ginger with the full body eyeroll

    Inspector Danger manages to screw up call letters (start with W or K, not X), FM frequency (always odd fractions in the US, not 88.0) & what a Numerologist (a conman, not a mathematician) is, on the way to a typically stupid dying message.

    Head turner Greg has developed Evan’s nose in panel 2 today. Is Margo about to get sandwich scammed? DP Publicity?

  55. Bill the Splut
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    I’m less worried about the Phantom’s immortal Ghost-Lion-That-Prowls than I am about whether he or the queen will win their ongoing ab-off.

  56. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Shoe double take: Come on, CCers, everybody who saw that first panel thought “Ha ha! Bird-man is too infirm to masturbate!” And, the dialogue in the second panel doesn’t exactly dispell that thought.

    Draw him sans pants, and the joke is funny – if you find abject pathos to be hilarious. Which I do.

  57. Austria
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    MW: ALDOMANIA 2012: THE RISE OF THE ONE-ARMED BLONDE

    Pruggs: Guys, forget the glasses for a minute. The submitter’s name is Anu Baloo. Anu Baloo! Was there ever a more awesome name for a Plugger? I think not.

  58. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Lynn (#27): Does this mean you’re not going to write my biography? Rats! I was so looking forward to reading it.

  59. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#54):

    Inspector Danger is hilarious with all the inconsistencies. (X, not K or W, etc). In Germany, the neo-Nazis call themselves the “88″s because H is the 8th letter, and “HH” is “Heil Hitler”. My take on it is that the numerologist was killed by the Fascists because he was a Catholic Gypsy Polish gay Jew who’s granparents were in the French resistance, or just someone that the swastika skinheads didn’t like.

  60. Ian Beste
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Charlize Theron Pez dispenser? That’s on my Christmas list.

    @Col. Havoc (#24): Make it so.

  61. TheDiva
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Herb and Jamaal does the “too stupid to get out of jury duty” joke, while Pluggers does the “can’t find the glasses that are perched on my head” joke. It must be Vintage Gag Celebration Day or something.

    A3G: Since Apartment 3-G characters don’t seem to exist from the waist down, does it really matter what their furniture looks like?

    SM: Hey Peter, why don’t you go have coffee with Gunther from Luann or something? I’m sure you two will have plenty to talk about.

  62. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#54): Inspector Danger manages to screw up call letters (start with W or K, not X), FM frequency (always odd fractions in the US, not 88.0) & what a Numerologist (a conman, not a mathematician) is, on the way to a typically stupid dying message.

    Well, they didn’t say he was a mathematician. They said he was a “nut with numbers”. Some numerologists are con-men, sure, but most are just nuts. Good call on the FM station thing, tho.

    // Also, the lower FM dial is usually reserved for non-profit stations. Religious, NPR, college stations. I suppose you might hear heavy rock on a college station, tho jazz, world music, bluegrass, etc. is usually more their style.

  63. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    JP:
    Bubba: What’s not to like?

    Bea: The profitability of solar farms depends heavily on federal subsidies, which, in this political environment are by no means guaranteed for the long term. If you’d bothered to do an feasibility analysis on how many cloudless days we get in this climate, or an energy study to find the density of solar radiation at this lattitude you’d find that this is a poor location. You also have to cut down the entire forest so the trees don’t put all your cells in the shade. Think, Bubba, we’re hundreds of miles from a large population zone, which is the exact reason that you chose this place as your clandestine center of operations. How are you going to get the electricity from here to there? You’d need property rights, evoke eminent domain, let alone get the capital to build high voltage power lines and towers through rugged terrain. What’s not to like?? I have a new partner who wears green hyptno-glasses! That’s what!

  64. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    BC: Wait. What? I thought the currency there was “clams”. “AD” doesn’t even try for continuity.

    Bizarro: There’s supposed to be six icons here? Ok, I see the Bunny of Exuberance, the Flying Saucer of Possibility, the Eyeball of Observation, the Inverted Bird, and K2. Where’s number 6?

    // Help!

  65. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#62): I used to LOVE WSOU in South Jersey at 89.5. They played the sickest heavy metal around. To them, Iron Maiden was easy listening.

  66. TheDiva
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Crankshaft finally enjoys snowblowing now that he’s figured out how to use it to annoy his neighbors.

    FW: So, is this supposed to be genius and Batiuk just doesn’t understand “special effects,” or is it supposed to be ridiculous and Batiuk just doesn’t understand humor?

    Luann: It’s unsurprising that Luann champions the fearful, stagnant, don’t-do-anything-because-you-might-fail school of relationships.

    MT: Hey, Mark just realized that the Pornstache Pirates of the Caribbean might not be as altruistic as the noble savage natives believe! And only two weeks after it became instantly obvious to the readers!

    MW: How long before Jim drunkenly pilots his car off the edge of a ravine?

  67. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): Where do you get 6 Bizarro pictures? I thought there were supposed to be 4. I discounted the bunny as “not hidden – legitimately part of the panel”

  68. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    A3G: They say your home should reflect your personality. Greg’s apartment is bland and white and almost entirely character-free. He done good.

    MW: What happens when you try to friend-zone a psychotic with an incestuous crush on you? Let’s find out!

    Ziggy: The white dog/orange Cheetos issue is as much in the way of standards as Ziggy will allow himself.

    WofI: It gets harder to take the Devil seriously once you’ve seen him wearing mom jeans.

    C-Shaft: Crankshaft is an ill wind that blows nobody any good.

    Baldo: Well, somebody can put a new entry in his “young people are assholes” file.

    JP: Be sure to get it in writing, Avery. It’s obvious from looking at him that Bubba has been getting high off his own supply, and he might not remember anything six hours from now.

    RMMD: Cut! What’s the brunette’s name? Honey, I know it’s a challenge, but try not to roll your eyes when you’re on camera.

    H&L: How will Trixie get to do all that flipping when she has no middle finger?

    DT: Here we have Walt Wallet, a Great War veteran who’s outlived every known veteran of that conflict, and Dick Tracy, who’s actually gotten younger since the days of candlestick phones. Can you say “coven”?

    FC: “Like if you want to go ahead and put him in a big parcel and send it to Singapore, I’d be fine with that.”

    Luann: Please don’t say “turtle thing” in relation to Gunther. No one wants to think about whether he’s circumcised.

    M-Dawg: “Also there’s a good chance that he’s luring you into a deathtrap so that he can feast on your flesh and bones. Anyway, don’t bill us.”

  69. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#63): You missed the part where they blow up the mountain tops, extract all the coal and other valuable minerals, and then bulldoze the rubble into a plain. Then you put in solar panels! Plus, the newly flat landscape will be perfect for a wind farm, too, which can work at night and on cloudy days.

    // Makes sense now, doesn’t it? @hogenmogen (#67):

  70. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#67): See the little numeral “6″ right above Piraro’s signature over on the lower left? He always puts the number of secret symbols in each drawing there.

  71. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn and Jim went on a few dates, there was definitely some kind of romance there. Then Dawn went on a week-long binge trying to convince herself in front of Mary that she and Jim were “just friends”. Yeah, now you’re trying to pull that crap with Jim, and he’s not buying it.

    On the other hand, Jim is a sister-loving, hydrophobic control-freak. Leave it to Mary Worth to make every character in a story unpalatable.

  72. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#70): Oh my! That’s NOT the same picture as the one in my dead tree paper! We get the portrait view, not the landscape. In the portrait view, the number was 4. Now that I know there is a landscape view with more hidden pictures, I’m enraged. At 2 extra per day, that is 638 missed icons this year alone!

  73. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#72): No kidding? Now that just sucks.

    I just see the thing on the web. My dead tree doesn’t carry Piraro, so I get it from Darkgate.

    // Btw, when I said the signature was on the lower left, I really meant lower right. I was standing on my head, doing my Gomez Addams yoga, while reading the comics, as I often do. Seems to make better sense that way.

  74. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#69): Blow up the mountain tops, dump all that toxic slurry into the stream, bulldoze the place, cash out, let the shell corporation file bankrupcy and move on before the EPA catches up. Oh, wait, the whole point was to let Avery fish in that stream. Oh well. Progress, you know.

  75. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    GT — Note to the Irishman… it is never a good idea to piss off football coaches who happen to be disabled, PTSD-stricken war vets. You never know when they may snap on you, or snap your neck.

  76. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Greg (#53): And it won’t be long before the judge is weeping openly in the courtroom. Thanks, Jamaal.

  77. Calico
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#1):
    And the robot will develop cancer.

    Henry – is a literalist, annoyingly so. It’s like someone I used to know that never, ever, got the joke.

  78. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Margo: Wow, there’s not a trace of Mrs. Bloom here! It’s as if she moved out and took her belongings with her!

    Greg: Even the walls have re-arranged themselves. And they’re still at it! Woah, where did that lamp come from? Everything is spinning! I’ve got to sit down… where did that easy chair go?

  79. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#65):

    I remember that – the Seton Hall college radio station! They eventually had to change formats because the usual scolds complained that hard-core death metal was inappropriate for a Catholic university. This is why we can’t have nice things!

  80. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Blondie – I don’t know what I’d do without readers at the newspaper site pointing out and paraphrasing the punch line every day.

    Popeye – Seriously, the joke about the feed being unauthorized or expired is getting pretty old, despite the peppy delivery. Plus, it seems a little bit out of character for the salty sailor.

    Arlo – Rock, scissors, toilet paper.

  81. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Brewster – It’s like a flashback to all the jokes that were made in the first six minutes after the announcement that Disney had bought Star Wars.

    Marmaduke – “Marm! Stop luring the unwary into your abbatoir of doom! You haven’t even finished the last one yet!”

    Family – “Mommy! PJ’s mad cuz I made him get out of the
    Screw it. Too easy.

  82. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#2): Why make a comic, guys? Why?
    As Wilma Flintstone’s vibrator said, “Eh. It’s a living!”

    @hogenmogen (#59): Inspector Danger is wrong. He put the radio to 88 (where it was still able to get the noisy station at 88.1) because the 8 on a digital tuner looks about like a B. BRIAN BIGELOW! It was later found that Danger had had a confession beaten out of Harold Hopkins by a vulpine colleague.

  83. lynn
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#58): Why, good sir! I already have a first draft, in which I begin with your years as a shy intellectual, much like Gunther, and following through your development into a man of enormous appetites given to wearing shirts with one large central button. I’m rewriting the present-day section as I have been told it is too similar to 50 Shades of Grey. (I am referring to my hair, of course. I get many compliments on my hair, usually from the grocery cashiers as they apply my senior discount.)

  84. lynn
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    I like the way that Greg looks just like Eddie Foy Jr. in the last panel.

  85. This Guy
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    HotC: Know who’d make a really great Han Solo? Harrison fucking Ford.

    WoI: So even in The Wizard of Id, Flanders is the devil.

  86. This Guy
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#82): Slylock knows that numerologists are biologically incapable of listening to rock music.

  87. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#79): Changed formats? That’s disappointing. The last time I lived in the area was about 20 years ago. They used to give the local club and concert calendar information over the instrumental part of “Magic Man” by Heart. Every time I hear that song now, I still think someone is going to start announcing in the middle.

    That station was the first anyone in the area heard of Pearl Jam and Nirvana. They even used to play Mother Love Bone, which was Pearl Jam before Andy Brown died and Eddie Vedder came aboard.

  88. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Least I Could Do is also doing a Star Wars / Disney story arc this week. It has mixed results. It does stand alone in mentioning that Leia and Luke totally made out in Episode V.

  89. bbofun
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#54): Inspector danger- Actually, you are incorrect, sir. It is possible to be listening to a radio station with a call-sign starting with “X”- the station just has to be based in Mexico. There are several such stations that can be heard across the border, notably XERF, which brought us Wolfman Jack. Just sayin’.

  90. bats :[
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Oh, fine. I was called for jury duty last month, got rescheduled for the 13th (just after Veterans’ Day, the 12th, so you know the online schedule for my date will be weird), find out it’s this morning, go downtown, use pay parking (no, we’re not comped for this), and then find out that my group may/may not meet tomorrow.
    And now H&J mock me.

  91. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Justin (#31): Spider-Man is pretty much there, too. What we really have to work on is Judge Parker. If there’s one thing that could make the Bubba/Avery/Bea plotline better, it’s Randy Parker standing around in his judicial robes, looking flummoxed.

  92. lynn
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#85): “Harrison fucking Ford.” – I thought the presidential slash fiction challenge was over.

  93. greghousesgf
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#92): maybe it’s Beatle/car slash?

  94. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#74): See, Avery now has the satisfaction of knowing he was the LAST person to catch Old Brownie, or any other fish in that river. And he’s got the pictures to prove it!

  95. Downpuppy
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#63): Avery is the HypnoToad! How did we all miss that?

  96. lynn
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#93): “Harrison f- Lincoln” would be President/Beatle/Car/President slash.

  97. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#88): I work in a place where the IT department has a Star Wars fetish. We have episodes 4-6 playing on the conference room TVs when the rooms aren’t in use. I watch the make-out scene at least once a day.

  98. lynn
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    “Scudder <3 lynn" *sigh*

  99. Stroker Ace
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    FC ~ The Keane Family template is set: PJ is in the closet and Dolly outs him.

  100. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#79): …hard-core death metal was inappropriate for a Catholic university.

    Wikipedia lists fifty-seven distinct genres of metal music. Gregorian chant metal isn’t one of them. Who’d of thought it?

    // Wait! Perhaps I’ve at last discovered my niche! Time to tune up the ol’ ukulele!

  101. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#93): “why don’t we do it in the road?”

  102. SurrealKangaroo
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    There are Pluggers in China? I guess you do learn something new everyday…

  103. bbofun
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    I accidentally clicked on the panel 9 TO 5 today. There’s someone being interviewed for a job. The applicant is drawn with pointy ears, a goatee and a tail with a triangle on the end. Pretty obvious “devil”. But the interviewer’s dialogue is “Let’s see… you speak two languages, but one of them is Klingon…”(ellipses are in the original). What?

    DT- Okay, I call shenanigans. Walt’s over a hundred. The last time he looked like he’s depicted in this flashback, it would be (being generous) 50 years ago. I don’t think current Tracy is suppose to be that old. I don’t mind a sliding timescale, but this is ridiculous!

    MW- Is Jim’s last name- KELRAST? (duhn-duhn=DUHHHNN!)

    FW- Is there a point to this week of strips? Will there be a payoff? Or even a joke? You know, if the technology club wants these two to come along, why is that a problem? It’s a school club- aren’t all interested students allowed to join? And why am I so worked up about this?

    Pibgorn- So, Brooke thinks that when a woman kisses a man, she automatically checks to see if he has an erection? Or that, if two people have a first kiss, they’re going to go to bed immediately?

    Plus, of course, i call shenanigans again (I’m a week late with this, but I’ve been busy)- Pib became a djinn because the previous djinn had been killed.But he wasn’t. So, what? The powers-that-be didn’t understand the abilities of there own creation? is this one of those “Buffy” deals where simply stopping breathing and pulse for less than a minute is considered “dead”? (For those who don’t get the reference, I’m not going to explain it. Go and watch the first two seasons of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer NOW.)

  104. bats :[
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

  105. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#89): I used to amuse my hispanic roommate by imitating the announcer of one of those stations. “Eso es EQUIS E PE ELE; Radio del Mundo!” Later on, I was tapped to use the voice to announce for a soap opera they did in a Spanish class in college.

    @bats :[ (#90): I honor you for your service, and for not weaseling out of it. I kept my JUROR sticker on my iPod jacket until it pretty much wore off by itself. Took a couple of years. (And I was actually an alternate, so I was irrelevant! Not like here!!)

    @lynn (#92): “Harrison fucking Ford.” – I thought the presidential slash fiction challenge was over.
    You win. Pick out a prize.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): I couldn’t interest a producer in my BIG (should be spelled with dollar sign somehow) IDEA to put a clap track behind some monks and release it as “Hooked On Gregorian Chant.”

  106. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#83): How splendid! I have begun my own autobiography, The Life and Opinions of Nehemiah Scudder, First Prophet. It is rather exhaustive and exhausting, as I wished to properly elucidate the nature of my ancestry, and the political and sociological context of the times. I’ve completed Volumes I and II, and am most of the way through Volume III. I expect I shall get to my actual birth by Volume IV.

    I’m glad, therefore, that you have embarked on a more compendious version, suitable for the mass market, and possibly a Lifetime movie, or HBO mini-series.

  107. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#92): I agree with Muffaroo. Best of the day, maybe the week. Wow.

  108. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#103): FW — Maybe our erstwhile heroes from the art department look down on the nerds in the Tech Club. Or the Tech Club folks look down on “artists”.

    I mean, there are different levels of acceptance, even among geeks. For instance, when I was in high school being on the speech or debate teams was pretty cool, Newspaper and Yearbook were OK, while being in Stage Tech or AV were not acceptable. (Looking back on it now, stage tech and AV were actually valuable skills that could garner you a paycheck the day you graduated. Maybe I should rethink all this).

  109. Poteet
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    MW — Dangit, Jim, ease off. You know Dawn’s head shrinks when she feels threatened. Just look what you did to her in Panel Two.

  110. Poteet
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    S-M — Why are Kraven and Sherry glued together and what are they doing? Nevermind, I don’t want to know. Kraven is supposed to have special powers, and maybe they include the flexibility of his manly parts.

  111. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#88): I’ve always wondered about that. I know that Leigh Brackett wrote the script from a basic outline by Lucas, but who decided on the French kiss? And was the brother-sister relationship absolutely carved in stone at the time? So many questions.

  112. seismic-2
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#108): Coolness quotient? The students in the Tech Club have spent the last week building a fighting robot. The students in the Art Class have spent the last week listening to the skunk-head guy explain the etymology of the word “comics”.

  113. lynn
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#106): I heard someone elucidating the nature of your ancestry once, but I would rather not repeat it as I think it is not biologically possible.

  114. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#113): snrk!

  115. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 14th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#106): I would read these volumes. Seriously, I would.

  116. Poteet
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    JP — Bubba should have hung onto those fish photos until Avery ponied up at least ten million in cold hard cash. Because yeah, there are just a few problems with the solar farm plan, and if Avery thinks he can solve the problems, great — he’ll earn his ten million back when he does.

  117. Snarkotix Addict
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    A3J – “There’s not a trace of Mrs. Bloom here!”
    “Only the chalk outline on the bathroom floor, but I’m gonna leave it there as a design element.”

    FW – Underachievers. The real mascot of Westview High.

    FC – Ha ha. That’s funny, because no one would actually look for PJ.

  118. Poteet
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Lynn (#27): BWAHAHA!

  119. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#111): Now that I think of that bro-sis makeout scene, didn’t Luke lose his arm at the end of that movie? Maybe Episode VII will feature Luke hooking up with a ringer for Carrie Fischer. But don’t go near the pier! Don’t ever go near the pier!!

  120. Liam
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I’m impressed. You’ve managed to cover up the Satanic symbols and the phrase ‘helter skelter’ written in pigs blood quite well.”

    A3G-”I’m impressed. No one would ever tell that the Mansons threw a party here.”

  121. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Bubba: Don’t worry. Avery has a plan!

    Avery: We sail south, around the Cape of Good Hope and then west, to bring back spices from the Orient!

    Bea: I’m trying to run a fishing lodge.

    Avery: (disappointedly) Arrr…

    Bubba: The plan somehow sounded better when we discussed it earlier.

  122. seismic-2
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Brewster, HotC, etc., etc.: There have been dozens of truly enjoyable Disney / Star Wars mash-ups this week, but I think my favorite (so far) has been this one (although I did get a big laugh out of a “Huey, Dewey, Louie, and Chewey” punchline).

  123. Chip Whittle
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Well, at least Crankshaft is finally burying the other characters in the strip alive.

  124. This Guy
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#106): You’re writing an autobiography? Don’t get caught having an affair with yourself.

  125. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#81): Brewster: A lot of jokes about Disney/Star Wars fall flat with me. I just don’t get how Disney will sink lower than the Ewok Christmas Special.

    At least Brewster is going with the H&J non-specificity of “our parent corporation”.

  126. Illustrator Steve
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    MT – Living in a tropical climate somewhere in the southern part of the hemisphere not to far from a ner by city on their main isand, Senora Momjeans and her Arian son must have to use at least an SPF 9000 sun block to retain their pale white untanned skin. Mark may want to consider taking off that red long sleeved LL Bean flannel shirt of his before he has heat stroke while walking on a beach in the 100 plus degree temperature.

  127. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#106):

    “Another damned fat book, Mr. Scudder? Scribble, scribble, scribble, eh Mr. Scudder?”

  128. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    If Disney also bought Star Trek, could we see Kirk fight Han Solo? The Death Star Vs the Borg? Luke vs. Data? A random stormtrooper vs. the ill-fated, red-shirted Ensign Leibowitz?

  129. lynn
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#124): It would certainly be awkward to walk in on Mr. Scudder in that situation. And perhaps a bit exciting.

  130. tallyHO
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (y#172):
    Thanks.
    For some strange reason, I did not remember he is in the band, The Archies.

  131. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#113): @Nehemiah Scudder (#106): I heard someone elucidating the nature of your ancestry once, but I would rather not repeat it as I think it is not biologically possible.

    Oh, that old story about springing full-grown from the brow of Zeus? You are quite right, biologically impossible. People tend to get their mythologies mixed up.

  132. hogenmogen
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#108): If all the input that the “artists” can muster is to stick a damn football helmet on the thing, I’d say there’s an argument to be made that they’re not pulling their weight.

    Tech geeks: Hey, we advanced the field of robotics, solved several technical issues, compiled a homemade AI to guide its movements, improved the battery design, and all on a shoestring budget with minimal assistance from the teaching staff.

    Artists: We stuck a football helmet on it. Get it? Ha! We’re so awesome!

  133. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#115): I’ve got some great stories about my Uncle Toby there.

  134. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#126): Senora Momjeans and her Arian son…

    So young, and yet, a heretic.

    // In my creed, that’s just not nicene.

  135. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#127): “Another damned fat book, Mr. Scudder? Scribble, scribble, scribble, eh Mr. Scudder?”

    Yes, that’s the story of my decline and fall.

  136. pugfuggly
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#128):

    They could make a short film starring Jar-Jar Binks and Luwaxana Troi, thereby creating the single most annoying thing in history.

  137. Liam
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-That is the dirtiest line that I have ever heard.

    Gil Thorp-I was thinking more like alcohol to an Irishman’s head.

  138. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#124): ‘Sokay. There’s no email trail.

  139. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 14th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#136): “HI! I’m Ensign Marty Stu Crusher, Wesley’s younger, smarter, cuter, and tech-savvier brother!”

  140. Downpuppy
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#136): Not without Ewoks, it ain’t.

  141. Dood
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: “More than that, Greg. I’m impressed! Mrs. Bloom’s toots were legendary!”

  142. lynn
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#131): Springing full-blown from the head of Zeus??? I thought you were male. This is a disappointment. However, no problem. You may have thought I am female. Lynn Swann and I both take our share of ribbing.

  143. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#142): Mrs. Scudder would be very disappointed to learn I wasn’t male after all these years.

    Also the story about me emerging from the sea, full grown, on a giant clam shell, my long auburn tresses tastefully concealing my, um, manly parts — that story is greatly exaggerated too. (I never wore my hair quite that long.)

    No, I was born in an ordinary hospital, in a small town near, but not in, the sea. My parents were poor but honest, and…

    // Wait a darn sec! You’re trying to get me to skip the whole Vol. I thru III bit, with all the historical, sociological, ontological, theological, and philosophical parts. Not a chance, lady.

  144. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#128): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNxhrPaaCA4

    Solo would kick Kirk’s ass. Picard would smirk Solo to death, however.

  145. billman
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#54):

    Haven’t read thru to see if this has been said but Mexican stations start with X and can be heard in Southern California and any other states along the border. Wolfman Jack made his name broadcasting from a Tijuana station with a ridiculously powerful transmitter since if there is a Mexican version of the FCC they don’t have the kind of authority ours does. Even today you can hear XTRA in Los Angeles.

  146. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#136): Jar-Jar vs Wesley in a cage match would probably cause our sun to supernova in pure disgust.

  147. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

  148. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 14th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#145): Also read — http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_R._Brinkley . Goat gland transplantation FTW!

  149. billman
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#145):

    now i see bbofun @89 beat me to both Mexico and Wolfman.

  150. X
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    I’m on a Mexican radio!

    I wish I was in Tijuana, eating barbecued iguana.

  151. Liam
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I’m impressed. You would never able to tell that this place used to be a cathouse. I remember men coming in and out of here at all hours for a different type of pussy if you know what I mean.”

  152. Ian Beste
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#89): @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#147): Man, I swear I remember an XXEX broadcasting out of Baja while spending a summer in San Diego with my then-girlfriend. Doesn’t show up in the Wikipedia link though.

    @Chip Whittle (#123): But they’ve been dead inside for years.

  153. Poteet
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — Isn’t this lady the one who is being scammed by the fake doctor in Nigeria? Are we ever going to find out more about that, maybe after she has gone bankrupt and is losing her home (haw! haw!) or was her scamming only mentioned as a punchline?

  154. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#92): Be proud. You just helped my ailing body cough up a lung.

    //Seriously, that was pretty damn funny.

  155. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Re Bubba and the pot farm… I wonder if Avery calculated the results of the election here. If pot’s now legal in whatever state Bubba’s farming in, he can probably just keep on with what he’s doing, and not bother with some industrial solar boondoggle.

  156. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#153): Rose, Jeff’s curly-headed mama, is the one who’s being scammed online. This is… Lucy? Lily? Anyway, she’s one of the neighbors, and seems to be only afflicted by Crankshaft.

  157. Liam
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-Pluggers have different glasses for different situations. This guy is looking for his sex glasses so he can spend hours looking for something else.

  158. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#156):

    Really? I thought there was only one wizened, hateful old crone in the strip – the one that Jeff built the 10′ by 10′ addition onto the house for, so that she would have somewhere to die quietly?

  159. Droopy Says
    November 14th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    So what exactly does the FW robot do? Does it mix and dispense tailor-made carcinogens, or does it just drop coins in the vendos and bring you a Smirkers candy bar?

  160. Peanut Gallery
    November 14th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#73): I only recently discovered that Bizarro is produced in two different aspect ratios every day. I think that’s pretty interesting. I imagine he composes it on the computer, with various elements that can be moved around like paper cutouts, though of course he could do it with real paper cutouts, but that would be more cumbersome. I’ve been looking at the wide version in the Chron and the tall version in Comics Kingdom, just to compare them. I get the feeling that the portrait version is the “preferred” one. At least, I prefer it, because one-panel comics usually work better in a more-nearly-square rectangle.

    I believe the 6th symbol in today’s wide version is the Lost Loafer, right next to the K2.

  161. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 14th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#160): I think you’re correct that the portrait (“tall”) one is the preferred default. Certainly his cartoons in his books tend to be single-panel squares or vertical rectangles. That horizontal one looks odd to me.

  162. Peanut Gallery
    November 14th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – Milk Duds, Sugar Babies, and Pez are real products. Goo Bars and Zonkers are not real products, though there are such things as Goo Goo Clusters and Screaming Yellow Zonkers. Speaking as a candy enthusiast, this kind of senseless inconsistency drives me crazy! Excuse me, I need to go eat a “Reese’s Bar” or some “Faddle.”

  163. seismic-2
    November 14th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#158): No, there are two such crones. One is Jeff’s mother-in-law (who lives inside the home’s add-on cell), who was the scam victim. However, when that arc ended with Jeff’s determining that it was in fact a scam, we saw in the final episode that the other crone, their next-door neighbor (whom Crank has today sealed inside her house with his snowbank machine), was now being victimized by the same scammer. (There used to be a third crone, since the next-door neighbor lived with her sister, but she died. In the Batiukverse, that’s as close to “humor” as we dare hope for.)

  164. Señor Tortilla
    November 14th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Please don’t give the cat thought bubbles.

    MW: “It will be like that other comic strip, except instead of the creepy old perv and the one-armed lady that looks kind of like a dude, I’LL be the one missing an arm! Imagine us in bed!”

    S-M: I haven’t paid attention to the strip recently—the big muscular animal-print spandex pants is falling for the Vegas showgirl, and Spidey is jealous for some reason?

    Curtis: And, like clockwork, the cousins are coming over for Thanksgiving. For the next week, prepare hear more “jokes” you’ve heard every year. Do not expect to see them, ever. There will also not be a strip on Thanksgiving.

    JP: Ha ha, jokes on you, Avery! When Bubba goes bankrupt and can’t repay anything used to make his solar farm, your head is going off with a chainsaw—but not before being kidnapped, gang-raped, and bound to a chair.

  165. Daniel
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man Ugh, it’s that kind of theatre? One that needs constant mopping?

  166. Sgt. Stoned
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: “We’re good as friends, Jim, but you are physically defective and I could never love a man who is physically defective unless…say, just how big is your cock anyway?”

    Snuffy Smif: Awwwwwwwww…

    BB: A while back I had surgery at a local hospital. When I later called the billing department to straighten out a problem, I got a service rep in India. No lie.

  167. Chaze
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    Kraven just reeks of Magnum PI era Tom Selleck. Not to mention Hai Karate.

  168. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    MT – There is some very funny snark over at gocomics.

    Are any of our ‘Mudges moonlighting over there?

  169. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts! (#168):

    Oopsie – I meant to say over at Seattle Pi, not gocomics

  170. Chaze
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    Calling Sam Driver….calling Sam Driver. The plot line of your strip is looking for you. Please check in, Mr Driver.

  171. Chaze
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Now, I’m assuming that Greg Evans is not aware of the other meaning of “turtle” when it comes to guys. If he were, the girls’ comments would be doubled-edged and ironic, which is way too much to ask of LuAnn.

  172. Liam
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    MW-Sadly Jim can’t do the Jedi mind trick because his right hand is busy holding his drink.

    MW 2-”We’re good together you and I. And we’ll be even better if you let me wear your skin like a suit.”

  173. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#160): Oh minced oath! The Lost Loafer, of course. Somehow I didn’t recognize it standing on end. Thanks!

    // Is that fair? The L. Loafer should be horizontal, shouldn’t it? I mean, Piraro would never have the Inverted Bird right side up, would he? Or spell K2 backwards?

  174. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 14th, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#160): @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#161): So are there any other one panel cartoons out there with alternate portrait/landscape versions? This is the first I’ve ever heard of.

    // The Family Oval?

  175. Mysterion
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    It could be worse, Spidey. Two months ago, Sherry probably would have dug Clown 9.

  176. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#144)
    “Solo would kick Kirk’s ass.”

    Make it so!

  177. Crazy Jay
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#9): What a delightful yet poignant observation. My hat off to you sir.

  178. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 14th, 2012 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    Avery’s lost camera found! (Sorry I ain’t got more. It’s one of those weeks.)

  179. billman
    November 14th, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#174):

    Pardon My Planet comes in landscape (Darkgate wherever they source it) and portrait (at Seattle pi/Comics Kingdom). Although i don’t think there’s any other differences, just aspect.

  180. Jamus The Bartender
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Wait, this all seems familiar……nerdy guy ( Gunther) who hangs onto a stronger person ( TJ sometimes, I bet), who is dating a hot girl who doesn’t get why he’s acting all affectionate one minute, cold the next. Meantime, TJ is causing mischief and mayhem at Ann’s hot dog stand. It’s obvious ( movie spoiler). Gunther is starting the next wave of Fight Club and Project Mayhem!! And TJ is his imaginary friend !!!!

  181. Peanut Gallery
    November 14th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#174): Great Googly-Moogly! In The Family Ellipse, the melonheads look almost normally-proportioned!

  182. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts! (#169):

    This one in particular is a gem:

    “I hope Otto will use the money to help us, instead of spending it all on fixing up his Trans Am.”

  183. pugfuggly
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#139):

    “HI! I’m Ensign Marty Stu Crusher, Wesley’s younger, smarter, cuter, and tech-savvier brother!”

    “Nice to meet you. Hi, I’m Alvin Skywalker, Luke’s cousin. While Luke was off having some adventure I went to the Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!”

    @Downpuppy (#140):

    Not without Ewoks, it ain’t.

    We can round it out with Data dressed as Sherlock Holmes and Q speaking only in french.

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#146):

    Jar-Jar vs Wesley in a cage match would probably cause our sun to supernova in pure disgust.

    On the contrary, i would pay good money to see that. I think I’ll give Celebrity Deathmatch a call…

  184. Patrick
    November 14th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    The difference between Heathcliff and Garfield is that Garfield would be too lazy to climb a tree. He’d probably just pour some birdseed in his mouth and wait for a bird dumb enough to take the bait.

  185. Poteet
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#156): Alas and embarrassingly, I follow the Crank well enough to know that in one recent strip, Rose was angry about being scammed, and then there was wondering about who else might become a victim, and then we saw this neighbor online, being scammed by the same guy. But I guess it was just an amusing way to end that particular strip, because there has been no follow-up. Good luck, Lucy-Lily! Hope the scammer will leave you enough to live on!

  186. Poteet
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#163): Oops, sorry, you told the tale first. And as I recall, part of the humor was that Lucy-Lily ruined her sister’s life by sabotaging her youthful love affair decades before Sister died, still single. That’s entertainment!

  187. Poteet
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#183): I wouldn’t pay good money to see it, but I’d enjoy reading the death certificates.

  188. Poteet
    November 14th, 2012 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — This is a big problem with attending a high school that has only a dozen students. Your dating choices are abysmal, and Gunther’s photo is next to “abysmal” in the dictionary.

  189. Poteet
    November 15th, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    MW — Maybe this will lead to Wilbur becoming “The Fugitive,” hunting for Jim after Jim murders Dawn. From town to town Wilbur will go, desperate to find the one-armed perp and a decent sammich.

  190. Poteet
    November 15th, 2012 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    JP — “I’ve found what I want here, Bea! I’m going to catch Old Hardy over and over and over and over and over and over…”

  191. Lee B.
    November 15th, 2012 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#5): “In black and white, we can see the kind of mechanical line shading that comic originator Jeff MacNelly used to such great effect in his ’70s editorial cartoons.”

    Zip-A-Tone. I thought it had gone the way of dry-transfer lettering, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Brookins had some yellowing old sheets of it stashed away.

  192. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 15th, 2012 at 7:11 am [Reply]

  193. bbofun
    November 15th, 2012 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    A3G- So, Greg got all his seduction moves out of old Playboys? “Guys, remember- the surest way to a modern chick’s heart is through her stomach! Can’t cook? Get extra take-out, and invite her over to your pad to “help you finish it.’ Then, after dinner, show off you cool new hi-fi. Get a woman to dance, and she’s yours!”

    Of course, given this is Apt. 3G, that seems about right.

    DT- Why is this happening?

    FW- KILL, ROBOT, KILL! MAIM! DESTROY! EX-TERM-I-NATE!

    p.s.-Did Batiuk actually only have 3 days worth of “funny” robot jokes? Because the M-W strips this week (which only served as set-up for the Th-Sat strips) could have been replaced with a Monday strip of the kids at the robot Deathmatch, and a few lines of dialogue. (The answer? Yes.)

    JP- I got it! Bea actually HATES running the lodge, and enjoys having the pot farm nearby, and getting piad to do nothing! THAT’S why she’s so angry at Avery!

    Or it could be sexual tension (shivers).

    RMMD- June shows the girls she can jut, too. The girls laugh to each other at her attempt.

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