The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: Kommentar der Woche

Before we launch into our comments of the week, I have some charming photos for of Comics Curmudgeon merch being worn overseas! Faithful reader Mooncattie (himself from Canada, which sort of counts as overseas, if you consider Lake Ontario to be a “sea”) journeyed to Germany with Comics Curmudgeon t-shirts in tow! Check it out:

“The Gail Martin shirt photo was taken at a LOUD Berlin dance party about 3 a.m.,” Mooncattie reports. “In the background on the decks is legendary Berlin techno queen Marusha. The photo of me in my Cassandra Cat shirt offering a toast to all Curmudgeons comes from the Chinese Tower beer garden in Munich!”

Back here in America, it’s once again time for this week’s top comment:

“Where’s Mary? It’s like these guys just went on auto-meddle.” –T. Chicana

And the runners-up:

“Oh, look at Mark’s face in the last panel. This stupid, pointless plan is tearing him up inside. ‘I told myself I would not cry, fellow, and yet there is evidence of it on my cheeks! Please do not tell Rusty, if you ever see him again, which you probably will not.’” –Vakar

“Crime-fighting and the flu don’t mix? Tell that to Vomit Man!” –Beatrice

“I kept trying to figure out who Rick and Ron reminded me of until it finally hit: my testicles after a long, hot bath.” –Dingo

“‘I am Samira, daughter of Abul Hakim! And you are Steven Shannon … murderer of my father!’ ‘Okay, now that we’ve finished with the introductions, why don’t we go around the room and everyone find something nice to say about each other. Steven? Why don’t you go first.’ ‘Um, I like your wrist watch, Samira. Is that from Zales?’” –gh

“Well, this is nice, but I was kind of hoping Steve’s mom had keeled over in her wheelchair. Against a dramatic background highlighting the spartan furnishings of their home, Gloria would rush to comfort Steve as he collapsed against the overturned wheelchair. Pushing aside Grandma’s spindly, misshapen legs, Gloria would pin Steve’s hands at his sides with her muscular thighs and bear down on his chest with her even more massive chest until they both collapsed amid a tangle of thrashing limbs. Finally, his will and resolve in tatters, Steve would against-all-odds lurch to his feet, creakily at first and then with more conviction, gather Gloria in his arms, step over the lifeless body of his mother, and carry Gloria upstairs to the ravishing she so clearly has been angling for. But a terrorist is OK, too.” –trey le parc

“Throughout the years I’ve given to reading Ziggy, I’ve never really expected a payoff. I just considered it one of those acts of mild daily masochism to which we are all so prone. I was clearly mistaken, in that today’s installment is, at the risk of sounding hyperbolic, roughly the single awesomest thing ever. It’s unfortunate, but probably not coincidental, that the point at which Ziggy’s author has finally grasped the concept of making an actual funny joke is also the point at which he appears to have reached the apex of irreversible suicidal depression.” –Violet

“Frankly, I wanted more sibling fistfights in the intensive care unit before they finally made up and their mom woke up from her coma. Way to raise QUITTERS, Mrs. Amalfi!” –Trilobite

“And say what you will about Samira (‘Racial stereotype.’ ‘Elektra Complex.’ ‘You’re soaking in it now!’), she’s got a good heart. Sure, she’s gagged Granny, duct-taped her to her wheelchair, and wired her with enough explosives to take out a city block or two — but at least she’s put her shawl back over her bony old shoulders. I mean, the woman’s a hundred and three! Just because she’s terrified, unable to breathe, and festering in a pool of her own feces, she shouldn’t have to catch a chill.” –boojum

“What’s especially upsetting here is that Alan’s mouth is open, but in his reflection it’s not. Is it possible that his drug binges have in fact severed his psyche from his body, creating two distinct beings who will argue with each other about the location of their ‘dope’ which they will then smoke from their ‘pipe?’ Or perhaps some kind of Patty Duke Show hilarity will ensue. Either way, it promises to be boring.” –Nate

“I think when Alan is referring to his ‘bag of dope,’ he’s actually talking about Lu Ann.” –Calico

“I like how panel 2 of Spider-Man is just Vulture rewording what he said in panel 1. He was planning on saying, ‘Should you have any items on your person that other people might willingly pay money to possess, hold it in your hand over my bag and let go. The force of gravity will do the rest,’ but instead he got tackled by a cop.” –Raznor

“Wow, I guess the Philadelphia Eagles mascot has fallen on hard times.” –Jnoble

“Gee, Lois. How hard is it to be a poet? It doesn’t take a lot of time to write a poem. There once was a man named Hi/ A corporate tool of a guy/ He met a young poet/ And before you know it/ They were married and living a lie. That took, like, two minutes.” –Mac

“Today’s FOOB is foobier than usual, if that’s possible.” –Pastramigod

“What struck me first about Lois’s Past of Unfulfilled Dreams is that at each stage — from princess, to punk rocker, to poet, to corporate sell-out — she never once changed her hairstyle. Perhaps she knew deep down that each phase of these ambitions were really just a lie she was telling herself as she prepared for a life of domestic drudgery. Her hair was a way for her to ‘keep it real, yo.’” –Kevin Moore

“Lois finally admits that she never really wanted to be a mother; she just sucked at everything else.” –cheech wizard

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This entry was posted on Monday, May 12, 2008 at 08:16 pm and is filed under metaposts.

212 responses to “Metapost: Kommentar der Woche”

Mr. O'Malley
May 12th, 2008 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

Good idea! From now on, COTW winners should be awarded a liter of German beer.
Mr. O'Malley
May 12th, 2008 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

I notice from the ad up above that these items are for sale at relatively affordable prices:

Beetle Bailey Miss Buxley Glitter Ladies Pink Socks NWT

Beetle Bailey book and figure set MISS BUXLEY new

Stuffed Colonel From “Beetle Bailey” Cartoon Strip
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 12th, 2008 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

Ach! I thought I was well on form this week. Congratulations to those who really were! Fiendish wits.

And yeah, count me in on the huge foaming mug action.
Benjamin Baxter
May 12th, 2008 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

Sweet. Good job, gentlemen, ladies and genderless Internet pseudonyms.

http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/
Trilobite
May 12th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

Mac’s limerick cracks me up every time I read it. That should really be the summary description for Hi and Lois on the official website!
Diamond Joe
May 12th, 2008 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

Snark for today’s black and white strips:

B.C.: See, because it… uh… hmm.

Cathy: Wow, I never realized before how many different styles of coffee there are these days! This is bleeding-edge stuff, by frickin’ cracky.

GT: I know this is ostensibly a sports strip, but I’m finding it tough to believe that anyone looking for comic strip sports action is going to be satisfied with the occasional non sequitur panel. And it doesn’t do much for the rest of us, either.

HotC: Today’s strip is the best thing ever!!!! Of course, I may just be overreacting to the absence of anything Jonas Brothers-related in it.

Marmaduke: Well, believe it, or else you’ll have to believe that jaws that can crush a soup bone are coming down on your arm.

Momma: Wait, if Momma had been over there, wouldn’t she have asked the daughter about the stockings and slips then? So if she wasn’t, is she just guessing there are stockings and slips all over the place? Is she remote viewing?

Pluggers: Pluggers know nothing about financial planning, and can’t exercise restraint. I guess a plugger’s countdown to death begins when he runs out of credit.

Preteena: Wait, the Chronicle just ran this series three weeks ago!

PC: Wow, an active race for a nomination is more interesting than one that’s sewn up! Go figure that, huh?

RIR: The birds just think the new lard for the feeder has arrived.

SB: Wouldn’t this make more sense if they were just about to spring the surprise party on the bear?

Amusing: CtH
Uncle Lumpy
May 12th, 2008 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

So, now we get to cycle through “Languages o’ Many Nations” until Josh runs out of COTW titles again? Next week, Thai: o|oo|o|o|o|||oo!
The Wild Sow
May 12th, 2008 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

#2: I believe the “Stuffed Colonel from Beetle Bailey” is General Halftrack!
Mooncattie
May 12th, 2008 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

Ahh, a tasty beer and funny, Funny, FUNNY comments of the week! Life is good!
Dick Tracy Broke Into My Oddball Sanctuary
May 12th, 2008 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

Wow, people, great freaking snark these past few days! Even if the flu and crime-fighting do, in fact, mix, I’m afraid laughter and bronchitis do not. As I learned just a few minutes ago.
Vakar
May 12th, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

Hey, awesome! I spent so much time laughing at all of your comments last week, I didn’t think I could make it up there. Great snarking, everyone!
TheDiva
May 12th, 2008 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

Congrats float-riders! Funny stuff, as always!
Chance
May 12th, 2008 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

What a happy-go-lucky fellow Mooncattie looks. Keep on spreading that oxymoronically cheery Curmudgeonly spirit!
cheech wizard
May 12th, 2008 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

Yow! Back-to-back float rides! And in such impressive company! Along with yesterday’s dedicated comic from bats, I can die happy now.

No, I can’t. I have to go to work in the morning.

Thanks, Josh – and congrats to all you other COWs! I though I might see some of you guys up there this week.
Dave M
May 12th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

Auf Deutsch.
Pastramigod
May 12th, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

I’m in the COTW? Really? Well thanks, Josh! And just a few days before my birthday. Also, upon thinking about FOOB a little more, (which is sad in itself) I think it’s caught the Guns N Roses syndrome. Its just becoming an exaggerated version of itself.
Doug Puthoff
May 12th, 2008 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

5-12

Today’s Alternate FC caption: Why? Sounds like some stupid commie game to me.
Jamus The Bartender
May 12th, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

Congratulations, COTW float-riders. Also, I have a question…in today’s installment of..
FOOB: How many people thought that at first glance Liz was shooting mace into Warren’s eyes?
bats :[
May 12th, 2008 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

Congrats to the Floaters! (trilobite has his own seat, I swear…at least his own personal safety harness). Much funny stuff (I love the Vomit Man comment from Beatrice), although if Dingo’s throwing candy, I dunno that I want to catch it…

13. Chance: you know about Designated Drivers? Mooncattie is a Designated Life of the Party — Fun! and just as cheerful as those photos make him appear (even without the mug o’ suds).
Weaselboy
May 12th, 2008 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

Congrats to T. Chicana et al. Funny stuff.
Poteet
May 12th, 2008 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

Yay T. Chicana! Well snarked! And I bow low, very funny float riders of the week. Wave pretty!
Girl Reporter
May 12th, 2008 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

MW: So. That was easy.
mollificent
May 12th, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

Great pics, Mooncattie! Particularly in the second one, you really remind me of my cousin…it’s almost eerie. :)

Monday (better late than never, or so I like to think:)

OBH: Aaaahhh! Who the hell is that, Joan Rivers? She reminds me of Midge’s mother in “Bitchy Bitch” Or, to slightly misquote Terry Pratchett again: “Her eyes looked like two flies that had crashed into a sugar bowl; her mascara had not so much run as sprinted.”
boojum
May 13th, 2008 at 12:05 am [Reply]

What!? A float ride for me? Josh, you shouldn’t have. Seriously, I’m honored.

T. Chicana and you other snarkers — you’ve cracked me up all week. Congrats to you all!
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
May 13th, 2008 at 12:24 am [Reply]

Congratulations to T. Chicana and the COTWers! Your fabulous snark is even funnier the second time around. Great work all! Now I commence my interpretative dance in your honor.

Great pics, Mooncattie… way to rock the merch, too!
Jack Parsons
May 13th, 2008 at 12:40 am [Reply]

“Hello, my name is Samira and I am a bombvestaholic.”
“Hello, Samira!”
Poteet
May 13th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Mooncattie, you look so friendly and cheerful. I bet Germany liked you.
bats :[
May 13th, 2008 at 12:52 am [Reply]

Toosday toons:

DtM: I chuckled. Honest!

MT: you know what? I think Madeline just needs a good, swift kick in the slats…straighten her out in no time!

MW: Yeah, I’ll bet you are, Mary.
Until this evening, when you sneak into the hospital morgue…

Mutts: another awwww….two days in a row!

RMMD: whatever you say, Rex:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2488050755/sizes/o/

FOOB: ….aaaaaaand, obviously, Lizardbreath, you were too ladylike and demure and stuck in the 1950s to make the first move.
(You aren’t married yet…big, fat hint)
Jack Parsons
May 13th, 2008 at 12:56 am [Reply]

NiftyCo, the new one-of-my-favorite-comics.
Bobdog
May 13th, 2008 at 1:05 am [Reply]

I don’t understand why Alan is so worried about LuAnn seeing any of his drug paraphernalia — the only two scenarios I an see are A) she is clueless, asks “what’s that?” and he makes up an excuse along the lines of it all being or his asthma or B) she insists he share. While option “A” seems altogether more likely given who we’re talking about, I really don’t buy this whole “gas leak” excuse for her hallucinations — besides it would mean these two will have something in common, other than being blond, talentless and stupid.
Poteet
May 13th, 2008 at 1:25 am [Reply]

5/13

9CL — Gaaaaah! Make it stop! In the name of God, make it stop!

Luann — Compared to Brad and TJ, whom I would like to hit with large heavy objects, those boys in SUMMER OF ‘42 were models of maturity and decorum.

MT — The last time I saw a kid dying of pet deprivation was in THOMASINA, and at least that flick had Susan Hampshire, who was a helluva lot easier on the eyes than Mark.
Trotzenbonnie
May 13th, 2008 at 1:26 am [Reply]

Hey, Mooncutie! I hope you were shouting ‘Ich bin ein Curmudgeon!’ while you were hoisting that beer.

And a hearty round of hip hips and hoorays to the float riders. Thanks for the laughs!
Sheila Sternwell (the former Mrs. Tuddrussel)
May 13th, 2008 at 1:59 am [Reply]

Congratz to all the COTWers!
Diamond Joe
May 13th, 2008 at 2:06 am [Reply]

Blondie: Gah! I laughed at a technology joke in Blondie! It’s the End Time!

LaC: Yeah, yeah, there’s “gas” that’s short for “gasoline,” and there’s “gas” that’s intestinal gas. We get it. Move on, please.

MT: So I guess Madeline’s cure will be like faith healing, only with a puppy. “Be healed in the name of Dog! Hallelujah! Arf arf!”

MW: Wow, Mary likes true-life stories of World War II espionage. Who knew?

Mutts: “Ooo, that, too!”

PBS: It’s an old gag, but the last panel redeems it.

Phantom: So they’re going from Texas to South America via New Orleans? It’s the Ghost-Who-Needs-Mapquest.

Pluggers: “Pluggers wear patriotism on their sleeve, but the sleeve is made in China.”

PC: I wouldn’t have thought Prickly City would be the one and only strip I’d laugh aloud at today.

RMMD: Who needs to lock doors when you’ve got a security guard to chastise anyone who enters?

RwO: Facile, common extensions of metaphors = comedy gold!

SlyF: Here we see a graphic representation of the Harris Bank absorbing Merchant and Manufacturers Bankcorp completely, annoying corporate raiders who wanted to snap up its subsidiaries. (Believe me, this joke will kill in Chicago.)

AS: In a stunning switchup, instead of an unnecessary caption, today it has an unnecessary voice balloon.

Ziggy: Tom and Tom II occasionally hear snippets of hearsay that things have happened since 1975, but evidently have no firsthand knowledge of it. Repeat after me: Internet dating sites are not the same thing as the computer dating services they had back in your day! eHarmony is not a place you physically go to!
Trotzenbonnie
May 13th, 2008 at 2:33 am [Reply]

I have just two words for Liz Patterson – Blowitout yourass! You’re in a comic strip, dammit – not a Jane Austen novel.

And, Tom Wilson blew it again. Ziggy could still be looking into his toilet and logging on to PEE Harmony.com…

Finally, I can’t read Mutts again until I run out for more Kleenex. It’s easy enough to get weepy when McDonnell is being cute and funny. I don’t know which is sadder – Guard Dog or the shelter stories.

And then Poteet had to go and mention ‘Summer of ‘42′….Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! More hankies, mules!
Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)
May 13th, 2008 at 2:47 am [Reply]

PBS: I tried to find a way to express my mirth at Tuesday’s PBS, but I didn’t want to say “I LOLed” or “I had a belly laugh” (true, but sounds too much like “belly laffs”), but I really did audibly laugh. Couldn’t help it. Man is a genius.
Dick Tracy Broke into My Oddball Sanctuary
May 13th, 2008 at 3:14 am [Reply]

#30 – And I think that’s a contender for THIS WEEK’s COTW.
Dick Tracy Broke into My Oddball Sanctuary
May 13th, 2008 at 3:16 am [Reply]

Oh, Liz. You say it never began, but when you say it with Angelina Jolie’s lips, it means something entirely different.

How DOES she plump those damn things up on command like that?
Mr. O'Malley
May 13th, 2008 at 3:46 am [Reply]

GA: Well, we were all expecting that, weren’t we? Actually, it might improve the strip to add Sturdy as a regular in the under-bridge crowd. Joel and Sturdy exchanging rural witticisms while driving a mule cart would add a certain something.

RMMD: That doesn’t look at all like a surgical mask. It looks like one of those dust masks you wear when you’re woodworking. If Rex interrupted this guy while he was taking the opportunity to do a little project of his own in the school woodshop, he should ask him why he isn’t wearing eye protection.

I know, I know, but when I was in high school—well, actually we didn’t have wood shop. But I had some friends who went to a high school that still had wood shop.

Monty, PBS: Classic today.

FOOB: I think it’s usually a waste of time to comment on this train wreck of a strip, but after yesterday’s embarrassment, dragging it out pointlessly like this only makes it worse. The timing would have been better if there were a pie-snarfing strip today. As it is, it feels like stepping into a giant puddle of artificial maple flavoured corn syrup.

Ziggy: Diamond Joe, even back in 1975 when computer dating programs ran on a Control Data Cyber-170, you didn’t have to physically go in to their office to use their services. I think most of them were run out of post office boxes.

Zits: OK, 1 down, EXASPERATING. Now that leaves S- across and A- down.

Across: brownshirts
Down: anonymous group, or

Across: Mercedes model
Down: Irish poetic pseudonym, or

Across: measurement system
Down: smart computer pgm., or

Across: SF themed multiplayer online role-playing game
Down: “I was, —, like huh?”, or

Across: maritime labor gp.
Down: gold (chem. symb.)

And that’s just the vowels!
Alfred E. Neuman, What me moray?
May 13th, 2008 at 3:59 am [Reply]

#34 Diamond Joe & #36 Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)
Re: PBS— An ancient joke it is! When Dean Martin’s hugely popular version of “That’s Amore” came out in 1953, my fifth grade class had been studying marine life. I went around to my friends saying something like, “He’s singing about an eel. Get it?”. They fell into one of three camps: a) they didn’t get it, b) they got it but pretended not to, c) they told me that was the stupidest thing they’d ever heard. I slunk away feeling that my sophisticated intellectual humor was too far over their pointy little heads. Now 55 years later, Pastis is making big bucks off of my joke. I want royalties!
RAHK
May 13th, 2008 at 4:06 am [Reply]

FOOB: “It was a friendship that grew into . . a lot more”. “Grew”? Frankly, I’d have used the word “fester”, but eh, whatever!
Mr. O'Malley
May 13th, 2008 at 4:16 am [Reply]

40. Alfred E. Neuman, Diamond Joe has it at #34, it’s the last panel that makes it.

You might try it on FOOB…it was a leptocephalic friendship that grew into a moray.

So, yeah, I know what it’s like when people don’t get your jokes.
mollificent
May 13th, 2008 at 4:24 am [Reply]

Luann: Awww, how cute. Brad’s first phone sex. Somebody take a picture…erm, on second thought, no.
gleeb
May 13th, 2008 at 6:45 am [Reply]

‘bean: I hear Mme. Duvalier had the same complaint about Baby Doc. Once he had no corrupt government to run with an iron hand, he was constantly hanging around pestering her.

Phantom: So, the Phantom bought a plane. Tomorrow a new adventure begins, as the Ghost-who-walks arranges a Skull Cave Equity Line of Credit to finance some plumbing and electrical renovation.
smacky
May 13th, 2008 at 7:24 am [Reply]

MT: Christopher Walken calls Mark to tell him the girl has a fever… and the only cure is more ~~cowbell~~ puppy!
lostsynapse
May 13th, 2008 at 7:48 am [Reply]

What would happen if American Apparel started designing for Pluggers?
Little Guy
May 13th, 2008 at 8:03 am [Reply]

GA: Called the “Red Chief” Ending!

DT: Tess saw the Lizthony Ring!
Little Guy
May 13th, 2008 at 8:04 am [Reply]

PBS: Oh and another example.
TheCasey
May 13th, 2008 at 8:06 am [Reply]

Congrats all!

Ziggy – Evidently you’re gay, Ziggy. It’s gay people e-Harmony doesn’t allow.

Spider-man – Seriously, once the security guy made the Vulture drop his gun, why would anyone else give him anything? “My God, Margaret, he’s got wings! We’d better do what he says!”

Baby Blues – There are some nice background gags today, even if I had to squint to figure them out.
Calico
May 13th, 2008 at 8:14 am [Reply]

Before snarking today, I just wanna say that the previous thread cracked me up. The Warren/Ziggy comments were a fine blend of awesome. A perfect recipe to start my day! : )
Mibbitmaker
May 13th, 2008 at 8:22 am [Reply]

FOOB: Here we go again: taking one of the million Liz suitors — one that’s already been stomped on and demonized definitively — and once again stomp on him and demonize him definitively. This from Liz, AKA She Who Is Not Actually Worth It. Then again, this is from the Lynn Johnston who ties off lose ends a year or more after tying off lose ends.

There’s panel 1 — yadda yadda…
P2: Liz the teacher gives Warren the remedial toddler version of what he just said succinctly
P3: Nauseating glurge recap, melodramatic as always. Blerg!
P4: The look that says (along with the dialogue): “Oh, you poor soul, I’m right-now crushing your borderline-stalking heart! Big, pouty lips!!”

Next week: Paul the Mountie shows up, in the month(s)-long ‘Stomp The Hearts Out of A Million Suitors Tour, 2008′
Whippersnapper
May 13th, 2008 at 8:26 am [Reply]

JP: I’m no geologist, but it seems to me that rule number one of hostage negotiation would be to not call the person holding the bomb trigger insane. Tomorrow’s strip will show Gloria saying, “Go on, press the button. I dare you. What are you, chicken? Bawk bawk bawk!”

MW: No, what I mean is, she waited until you left the hospital and slipped away to start a new life under an assumed name so you can never meddle in her life again.
Perky Bird
May 13th, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

Mark Trail knows that a Plugger’s health care system is a warm puppy.
Calico
May 13th, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

The Book Mary is holding is her just-released tome entitled “Meddling for Dummies.”
Mibbitmaker
May 13th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

FC: “Fiscal Reality Roundtable”, with Dolly Keane. Tonight’s topic: The State of the American Dollar Today. Yeah, keep rubbing it in, Dolly.

Zits: “Exasperating”… “errant troll”….. “aardvark”? Looks like Scott & Borgman snark Dave Sim!

S-M: Would an entire city of rich people go all angry-mob-with-pitchforks on a sick superhero? Would they sink that low?? – - I certainly hope so.

FW: Hu-huh-huh-huh! Men are Hell for women! Huh-huh-huh-huh!

N-S: Aaaaaaaaand… there’s still nothing funny about that place. Too bad. Still, that’s better than yesterday’s Kool-Aid — otherwise known as Stuff Wiley Would Never Say If The Religious Demogogue Were Falwell Or Robertson.

A3G: If it weren’t for the fact that it was all for doing whichever illicit drug he’s doing, this would be an awesome strip today. C’mon, Alan — just blow her off because she’s a ditzy-brain!

Garfield: They aren’t dining alfresco, they’re dining chiaroscuro.

Blondie: Forget Daggy, kids — go mess with Ziggy instead. That gag’d REALLY play with his massive noggin!

Cranky: Forget this soul-draining tragedy stuff, Batty — go back to yesterday’s material, it’s actually comedy gold! — Oh, I forgot who I was indirectly talking to.

Hi, Lois, & Fred Basset: –!
Gene
May 13th, 2008 at 8:55 am [Reply]

Spider-man – Let’s give Spidey a break. All the Vulture had was a gun and then he made himself a big green flying target. They didn’t need Spider-man, they needed Snuffy Smith….hell Luke Skywalker used to bullseye womp rats in his T-16, they weren’t much bigger than two meters, where was he?

Luann……….Brad – Hey Toni, I’d like to invite you over for dessert……..Toni – I don’t know Brad, I’m just sitting here in my bra and panties and mmmmmmmmmmmmm maybe I could be your dessert, yes?…………..Brad – She said yes……….Tomorrow’s Luann – Brad can’t figure out why Toni’s at the door in an overcoat when it isn’t even raining.
Tweeks_Coffee
May 13th, 2008 at 8:56 am [Reply]

A3G: Oh Christ, LuAnn, even that shadowy figure in the third panel can read between the lines here. Just give it up already, you downright reek of desperation.
Archie: Can someone explain to me why Veronica is lounging around Pop’s in what appears to be a leather bondage harness? Complete with cuffs, no less!
DT: You know, I actually wouldn’t mid if Dick sat around and interviewed new hires just for a change of pace. Of course he can always go out and viciously murder a criminal later on.
EC: I’ve got a friend who eats like that, skinniest kid I’ve ever seen. Of course he’s also crazier than a shit-house rat, but that’s another matter.
FOOB: To her credit; she’s pretty much right here. Of course that’s because she ran back to Milford (or whatever, I can’t keep these towns straight) with her tail between her legs and her ring finger beckoning Anthony.
Garfield: Holy crap, when was the last time we saw Arlene?
GT: Man, looks like someone took a bat to old man Vargas’ car.
H&J: Oh no, this is getting out of control now.
MF: Okay, now here’s the problem with this Mallard/Tinsley. You can’t mock someone for getting publicity when you are giving them publicity at the same time.
MT: Wha…but…but… *random sputtering*……….*takes a deep breath*… you suppose that’s her doctor’s diagnosis?
BigDog: Uh, considering that the door is open and you clearly aren’t holding the leash, I’d say that problem just solved itself. Do these people live next door to Mark Trail?
MW: I like how Mary is covering the mouthpiece and clearly trying to stifle her laughter in that last panel. How’d Ron get her number anyway? Is this a geriatric booty call? “I’ll help anyway I can, Ron. Wink!”
PBS: Facepalm-worthy. Nice work, Pastis. I also note that his character appears to have stopped smoking.
RMMD: Well you see, Rex, there’s this disease going around. It’s called MRSA, maybe you’ve heard of it?
tAS: The writing and layout seem to be improving, but this is still more wordy than it needs to be. The caption on the bottom would’ve been sufficient, I think. I can’t get over how similar the art is to Far Side, though.
Calico
May 13th, 2008 at 9:04 am [Reply]

#41 – As in Uncle?
LikeAVirgin
May 13th, 2008 at 9:04 am [Reply]

FOOB: I’m beginning to think that the only way to understand the Saga of Elizabeth and Her Many Beaus is to read between the lines. On the surface, Liz is innocent and virginal, and unwittingly attracts delusional men who think that their platonic friendship is a hot-and-heavy relationship. But the real story is what Lynnie Lady isn’t showing us: Lizzie had sex with all of them! And she strung them all along, up until the moment The Man Who Will Calm Her Wild, Wild Spirit proposed to her. Why would Warren (today’s fool) think they still had something going on? Either he’s a delusional stalker, or they had something sexual going on, and Liz remained in contact with him, not telling him the truth about Boring But Stable, letting him still think he had a shot, letting him know where she lived if he was ever in town, implying he was welcome to see her anytime, just in case, you know… And perhaps something similar went on (or is still going on) with all the other guys, and maybe there’s even other guys that we don’t know about. In short, I think Lizzie Darling went on a Sex Tour of Northern Canada, and having had her taste of the wild side, came back home to settle down. An old story, poorly told.
Bootsy
May 13th, 2008 at 9:11 am [Reply]

MT: Puppy. Apply directly to the little girl. Puppy. Apply directly to the little girl.

Phantom is coming to my town! He said so! I heard him say so! Omigodomigodomigod! Stripey butt is flying his plane right over my office right now! I can’t breathe! I’m too excited! Hold on, deep breath, lemme apply a cute puppy to my head so I can calm down. There.

Great comments, T. Chicana et al. Resume snarking!
LikeAVirgin
May 13th, 2008 at 9:19 am [Reply]

And that’s why The Lady Liz was in such a panic when Warren answered the phone late at night when Anthony called — she was afraid her secret would come out. “We’re just friends! I have no idea why he would think that we’re more than that!” Poor Anthony, repeating the same mistakes with another woman. Poor Liz, soon to be bored to tears and ready for some extramarital fun.
Lark
May 13th, 2008 at 9:21 am [Reply]

hey, i’m a daily Curmudgeoner and i live in Paris. it ain’t the jungle partrol, but we overseas types do exist!
we have to get our snarky American fix somewhere…
Jeffsterr
May 13th, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

MT: Andy’s going to get picker up by the dogcatcher, not the kidnappers. Doesn’t Mark know about lease laws?

SM: Panel 2 – Looks it’s Mary Worth at the party! Best crappy crossover ever.
Jeffsterr
May 13th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Pick up. Leash Laws. oh, boy….
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 13th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Awright, COTWs, and still 80,000 languages to go! Nice to see the funny stuff I missed first time ’round.

Now 5/13

PreTeena: Didn’t we see this one three weeks ago? I only ask becuase I’ve gotten to like this strip, and hope the reruns don’t mean it’s already over.

Phantom: Hey, thank God we’re not in the middle of an oil shortage or anything.

A3G: Lu Ann’s standing behind Alan, and from the startled look on his face I’d say she just grabbed something. Probably his lighter.

9CL: Hey Brooke, even Heart of the City has dropped the Jonas Brothers plot. Read the signs.

S-M: No comic where the villain flies off saying “Thanks for the beautiful bling” can be all bad. Now we know how he spent his time in stir: reading dog-eared back issues of “Vibe” magazine.

MW: Special guest appearance by the Gil Thorp talon.

GA: As Mrs Kleeb abandons her son to the hillbilly kidnappers, her husband starts praying to Mecca. As if the Muslim world weren’t already taking a beating in Judge Parker.

PBS: That there is a thing of beauty.

Shoe: Never thought of Shoe’s premature ejaculation before? You will now.

Popeye: Wimpy seems awfully sanguine about the watery grave his immediate future seems to hold.

Luann: Three guesses what Toni was doing with the other hand.

H&J: Cool that Uhuru is pondering the Jamaal/Yolanda love impasse from the man’s perspective. When she hits her teen years she may develop a really profound appreciation for Tracy Chapman.

Garfield: Because when you say “Garfiedl”, the first word I think of is “hygiene.”

Ziggy: Is this really the best product placement e-Harmony could afford? Oh well, at least they’re shown rejecting him.

FW: David Cross is about to tell Mrs Dinkle that his office is the wrong place to go for contract hits.

SFx: Oh the bovinity! Tomorrow I hope we see Sly and Max working the crime scene with Offissa Pupp. Judging from the looks on the vultures’ faces, the gluttonous lion may be victim #2.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 13th, 2008 at 9:36 am [Reply]

9CL: Hilary Hahn : 9 Chickweed Lane :: Jonas Brothers : Heart of the City

(WT)DT: Last time Dick got a frantic call from Tess, it was because she really, really wanted to tell him she’d set him up to spend the night in a haunted house for charity*. So what is it this time? Did the souffle fall? Bloomie’s having a sale on handbags? Is there a really interesting guest on Oprah? Maybe she just tried out the new Shower Massage and accidentally had an orgasm for the first time in 30 years.
*(Remember that? You should. It was the day before Halloween… or two days ago, in strip time.)

FC: When I scrolled down my Chron page to this strip, it ended up showing the whole panel, but the caption was cut off at the bottom of the screen. So I decided to try to guess what the caption would be before scrolling down. My guess: “No, but this much will buy you oral.” Dang, I was nowhere close. This is why I’m not a professional cartoonist.

JP: Hey, crazy American lady, you just said you wanted to die. Make up your friggin’ mind.

Luann: I did not need to see TJ’s “O” face.

MT: Someone really ought to do a composite of all the panels where Mark is sitting on a bed in a seedy motel talking on the phone.

MW: “No, I mean, gone gone! She cleaned out her bank account, bought a Harley, and peeled out of here like a bat out of hell! Now I’m stuck with a $438,000 hospital bill! Can you float me $50 until payday?”
And Ron, I know you’re distraught, but why in Aldo’s name would you call Mary, of all people? Sure, your mother’s already dead, but trust me, she can make things worse!

SF: To beat Google at its own game, Ted, you’d need to have big ideas, not 1970s anchorman hair and tiny, tiny lady hands.

SL: “Now quit Stalin and get back to work!” [rimshot]

6C: That baby bird isn’t wearing a hat… that’s Norm Platypus’s illegitimate son! And… why does mommy bird have Ted Forth’s hair?

S-M: Dude, New York’s a big city for Spider-Man to cover alone. You could’ve phoned someone who could actually catch this guy, like the Avengers or maybe Iron Man. On second thought, I take it back. In the newspaper strip, Iron Man would be some drunk guy with a bucket on his head and a cattle prod.
And lady, calm down! Your sons Rick and Ron are worried about you.

Ziggy: Still doesn’t understand the Internet. Instead of signing up online, he goes to a building somewhere, pesters the help and tries to flush an application down the toilet.

OBH, PBS: Both pretty damn funny, actually.
Tweeks_Coffee
May 13th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

#65 – AFKAB: “Ziggy: Is this really the best product placement e-Harmony could afford? Oh well, at least they’re shown rejecting him.”

In that case, you definitely don’t want to go over to chemistry.com. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80flAq9p580 )
NotAGoatHead
May 13th, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

Over the Hedge: TURTLES USE JERGENS!
John C Fremont
May 13th, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

Congrats to all, especially T. Chicana. Another funny, funny week!

PBS – Best laugh I’ve had so far this week!

MT – Yes, Mark, shout out your plan after you open the door so the dognappers can hear.
John Steed, Professional
May 13th, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

S4th – What country are they in? Can’t be the US, since it’s not in an official recession.

Archie – Funny, for once

FOOB – Snotty biatch

GasAl – Kleebs Win!

Luann – Jerri-Curl is watching the “hair gel” shoot across the room.
Someone from Texas....
May 13th, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

59: Like a Virgin…

Of course! Warren often dropped by Liz’s place on previous stops in/near Toronto for late night Booty Calls. (Or whatever the kids are calling them these days.)

Remember when she lived with Eric? She had her own bedroom. Yeah, like that fooled anybody….
TheDiva
May 13th, 2008 at 10:04 am [Reply]

FOOB: “You see Warren, a relationship isn’t really official until the man ruins his first marriage by endlessly pining over the woman. You made the mistake of being available when we were dating. I’m sorry, but maybe with time you’ll find the right woman to put through emotional hell while you’re having an emotional affair with the real right woman.”

Pluggers: What number does “mindless jingoism” fall under?
TheCasey
May 13th, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

Spectacular Spider-Snark!

65 – AfkaB – Tomorrow: Vulture tells people he’s going to put Spider-Man down for his dirt nap, causes choking epidemic

66 – TSS-B – Are you saying that a guy with a cattle prod and wearing a bucket couldn’t take down the Vulture? Or Spider-Man, for that matter?
Professor Fate
May 13th, 2008 at 10:22 am [Reply]

FOOB: ‘it grew into something more’ Yep – like a dead tree sprouts mushrooms that can get you high or killy you.

What i find interesting is even now with the engagment ring glowing like a star in the sky Liz can’t say the words ‘we’re in love’ . And why not? I mean this is kismet isn’t it the fates have brought these to together in the grandest of passions or maybe what ever remains of Lynn’s creative intergrity simply won’t let her write the words because it would a utter lie.

PBS: Bravo!
Calico
May 13th, 2008 at 10:22 am [Reply]

JP – Wow, it’s really turning into a bitchfest slapdown!
Am I reading Judge Parker, or watching an episode of “The View”?

FC – Dolly, dear, it really depends on how much of one or the other you have, doesn’t it?
Besides, it now costs more than one cent to manufacture a cent. So there, Suze Orman Jr.

Beetle – Haha, the truck is urinating! And I thought Ziggy’s talking toilet was bad enough.

Curtis – Mrs. Wilkins, PETA has your ass.

H & L – Ba Ba Ma Ma Ka Ka Wawa

FOOB – Rub it in like a steroid cream on a baseball player’s ass, Lizzie.
Honeypot
May 13th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

MT – elementary pet ownership. Do not let animal wander unsupervised.

Why has no one even brought up that that is a bad thing, even as an aside? It would put an abrupt halt to this lame, lame storyline, that’s why. Mark has to even let his dog out for a dognapping opportunity.

I’m not even going into the healing power of puppies, that’s beyond me.

Next: Neutering is for sissies.
T. Chicana
May 13th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

ME?! The Queen of the Rodeo?! Ahhh how sweet it is. And just before my 30th birthday. I may not have won any journalism awards, but now I can close out my 20s knowing that I accomplished something special! Thanks for the props, all. The snark on this site gets me through many a workday.
*throws candy, beads and patty melts*
AtomicDog
May 13th, 2008 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Phantom – We’ve got a Phantom Plane now to go with the Phantom Horse(mobile) and the Phantom Dog. All we need now is a faithful butler. I nominate George Of The Jungle.
Roscoe
May 13th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Props to Dingo, I literally LOL’ed at that one!!
Calico
May 13th, 2008 at 11:02 am [Reply]

#2 – I wonder if the Gen. Halftrack doll comes with a set of golf clubs and a martini shaker.
Weaselboy
May 13th, 2008 at 11:07 am [Reply]

For tomorrow’s FOOB, I’d like to see Warren out on the front porch wiping his brow and saying “whew!”
Calico
May 13th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

#66 – HAHAHAHA!
*SNORT*

MT seedy phone sex mashup – Ohhhh Yeaaahh!
Justafoob
May 13th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

I love the way real life is portrayed in the Fooberverse.

I mean, why wouldn’t a studly helicopter pilot give up everything and head to the big smoke to pursue Liz? Even if she hasn’t given him the slightest indication that she knows he is alive?

I am sure there are no other women in Canadia that would want such a jerk.

Thank you LJ for being true to life.

**vomit**
bats :[
May 13th, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

77. T. Chicana: zowie! Patty melts? YAY! (Considering you almost mentioned “Queen of the Rodeo,” this is infinitely better than tossing cow patties…)

82. Calico: maybe this would be a plausible Sunday strip, with Mark talkin’ about the birds and the bees. In low, hushed, husky tones.
To Rusty.

81. Weaselboy: absolutely. Of course, no suitor (or would-be suitor. or guy in a mall who ever happened to glance in Liz’s direction) would consider himself so fortunate…just terribly, terribly sad that he never found the ultimate favor of the Ice Princess’ Golden Hoo-hoo.

Oh, did I ever mention that I hate FOOB? And you want lines and lines of aimless banter? Take that!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2489077719/sizes/o/
cheech wizard
May 13th, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

FOOB – Oh, Warren, you’re such a fool! It never began – she was just using you for your chopper. So this non-relationship cost you like, what? $5,000, $10,000 Canadian in av fuel and maintenance?

Speaking of choppers, I think there’s one out in the shed. Put it to good use. After all, Fargo is pretty close to Canada.
PeteMoss
May 13th, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

T.Chicana, that’s some pretty funny stuff! Congrats to all of you snarksters and thanks for the much needed laughs!
KH
May 13th, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

FOOB. The radiance of the newly engaged should be the give-away. Not the radiance of the rock. The newly engaged under 55 who’ve been dating for fewer than two years should be talking “we’re in love” not “friendship that grew into a lot more. ” Could this relationship possibly be any less romantic?

That kind of psedo-love blather talk is for Mary and Ron Amalfi. Oh yeah, game ON Dr. Cory!

PBS: Love.
Justafoob
May 13th, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

For the sake of argument, lets say there are about 15 million men in Canada (based on Official Canadian Census counts) so lets say conservatively that there are 4 million single men that might be attracted to Liz.

Granthony is the best she can do?

The guy glommed onto her minutes after she was nearly raped. And what did he do, he whined about himself.

Honey, give Warren a chance. He just might be able to get his **ahem** manhood into the pleasure place.

Cheers!
Ratt
May 13th, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

That’s amore!

: )
Maughta
May 13th, 2008 at 11:53 am [Reply]

It is my professional opinion that the book Mary is holding is Men in Chains.

A little light erotica for a late afternoon for our favorite biddy.
Calico
May 13th, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

#85 – “Y’know, she just started shreikin’…”

#84 – Plausible Sunday strip indeed!
“The Tan-suited Pervert, with baited breath, patiently and stealthily stalks its prey…”

Oh God. Mind bleach time, and I’m not talkin’ Rex Morgan dollar store bleach either.
commodorejohn
May 13th, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

Archie – Um…what, exactly, is Veronica wearing? If I’m parsing these images correctly, it’s a safety harness and some armbands and nothing else, with her naughty bits apparently censored. Betty might walk around pantsless more often, but when Veronica takes it off, she takes it all off.

A.D. – I chuckled. Mason needs to learn to draw Velociraptor/Deinonychus feet better (not to mention being able to differentiate between the two species,) but this was actually pretty funny.

Blondie – Scoff if you want, but I’m sure there’s people on the Internet who would pay for this.

Crankshaft – Tom Batiuk comics: like watching a kid pull the legs off a grasshopper.

Curtis – Don’t worry, Gunk. It wasn’t a normal, wholesome chicken, it was one of those unholy abominations from Pluggers.

FOOB – That’s right, Warren. This girl who led you on again and again and again and again, taking everything you offered and giving nothing in return, was in fact just a total cocktease. Welcome to Milborough.

FW – “Plus, I’m gradually turning into him, and I find it slightly disturbing.”

Garfield – Well that was unusual.

GA – If this turns into an adaptation of “The Ransom Of Red Chief,” all will be forgiven.

GT – Gil Thorp: making the non sequitur into an art form.

H&L – I AM DEEPLY UNSETTLED.

Luann – I’m actually less surprised by this SHOCKING PLOT TWIST than I am that TJ is displaying a different facial expression.

MW – I am loving Mary’s barely-suppressed smirk here.

Momma – What?

PBS – *bemused groan*

RMMD – Gee, Rex, why is he wearing a sanitary mask? I’m sure it’s not because there’s, oh, a disease outbreak or anything.

SM – What a hero!

Edison Lee – John Hambrock thinks that you should accept ethanol not because of any merit it may or may not possess, but simply because a cartoon character tells you to.

Ziggy – Ziggy will never find true love. It may have something to do with the fact that he walked pantsless into the headquarters of an online dating service.
gnome de blog
May 13th, 2008 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

Wait a minute. The Phantom bought the plane in Galveston. Why is he heading southeast past New Orleans to get to South America?

For that matter, why did he buy the plane in civvies then change into his Phantom suit (accompanied by the same woman) to fly off in it?

And how is that rickety two-prop job going to hop the Atlantic?

However, this still make more sense than Lynn thinking that an occasional appearance by Warren the Pathetic will provide dramatic tension.
rhymes with puck
May 13th, 2008 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

Luann: It’s nice to see that Toni has gone from being Brad’s unattainable love to a role she is more more suited to – Brad’s late night booty call.

FBOFW: Wow, considering that the stone is 1/8 of a carat, that engagement rings really glows!

FW: Who refers to their spouse using their middle initial? Does she think that Harry L Dinkle somehow sounds more statemanlike? Because if she does, well, then she is wrong.

Ziggy: They probably just have a height requirement.
Anon
May 13th, 2008 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Buy cheap crap from the CC and you will get noticed.
Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)
May 13th, 2008 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

#40: I was talking about the “retire early” part. ;-)
Mumbles
May 13th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Why does Liz refer to her Besettled as “Anthony Caine” – why would Warren know him by his full name? Is the ’stache’s tales of cuckoldry and sad-sackness the stuff of legend?

#46: thanks, now I have an image of Chicken Lady and Dog Man posing suggestively on an avocado-colored shag carpet in front of wood paneling.

RMMD: there’s something so catchy about “May I ask why are you wearing a surgical mask?” that would make a funny t-shirt.

A3G: Ugh. LuAnn is one? Of those girls? Who ends all of her senteces? As if she’s asking a question? Certainly not the most annoying quality she has, but
Herb WOODley
May 13th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

I have always said that if the local Scouts, cheerleaders, football team, etc would offer the option of $4 to wash your car $5 to leave it alone, they would clean up.

Who wants a bunch of scraggly teens slopping over their Beemer with dirty rags and no soap and leaving big scratches down the back?

huh?

HUH?
AtomicDog
May 13th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

#98: I would, if the cheerleaders would give my car the “Cool Hand Luke” treatment – I’ll stay inside the car, of course.
Herb WOODley
May 13th, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

Atomic, if you saw what goes for cheerleaders around here, you would pay double for them to stay away.

Far, far away.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 13th, 2008 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

84 bats:[
I like yuur version of events in FOOB a lot better.
Old School Allie Cat
May 13th, 2008 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

Mooncattie, et al – I would give anything to be lifting a liter of German beer at the Chinese Tower right now. I was in Munich this time last year, and it’s the perfect time to be there. Have some weisswurst for me.

PBS – I love me some Pastis. Best comic of the day.

FOOB Liz, your lips say no, but your hair says, grab hold of the bun and I’ll take you on the ride of your life, helicopter man!

Luann – Greg Evans did a series of strips about Luann’s first menstrual cycle without using the word “period” – how is he going to show Brad losing his virginity without using any relevant words? I’m guessing we’re in for a long hot summer.
Poteet
May 13th, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

# 35 — Sorry, Trotz. And I agree about MUTTS. I have finally decided that my three old cats will be better off if I wait for one of them to enter the Great Purr before I get another kitty. But then I read MUTTS and want to run down to the shelter and adopt half a dozen cats. Must…Be…Rational…
Poteet
May 13th, 2008 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

# 84 bats — You hate Foob. I love your hate.
ladadog
May 13th, 2008 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

JP: That’s some weird perspective. It looks like Steve’s ancient mother has turned into the amazing shrinking woman, or a monkey, I can’t decide which.
man behind the curtain
May 13th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

MW — Well, actually, Ron, or whatever your name is, I don’t even remember your mother. That is who we are talking about? Your mother means nothing to me. She’s just another Aldo, or Chester the dog, or whatever. Just another notch in my black belt of meddling. For you see, I’ve already moved on and I suggest you do likewise. Your mother was kind of boring anyway and I’ve got many more interesting fields to meddle in.

RMMD — I love how June has been relagated to assistant investigator. While Rex acts like an assistant, minus 6 letters.
isrw
May 13th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

Today in Herb & Jamaal, we learn that Jamaal has a really big…. pair of shoes.
Anon
May 13th, 2008 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

Jamaal is black, after all.
man behind the curtain
May 13th, 2008 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

FBOW — Their friendship grew into a lot more. Does that mean Liz is pregnant?
Spike
May 13th, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

JP: The magic will be lost and Gloria will be devasted when she realizes that scent o’ fear she inhaled while bitch-slapping Simira was actually coming from Steve.

MW: Ron (Like a Moth to the Flame) Amalfi phones to explain to Mary why he must cancel their dinner date.

PBS: Purte gold. Go, Stephan!

#103 Poteet: Agreed. Must. Be. Rational.
Spike
May 13th, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

Drat! That was supposed to be “Pure gold”.
Sans Sense
May 13th, 2008 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

JP:

Dear Mssrs. Woody Wilson and Eduardo Barreto:

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce to you the concepts of “plot outline”, “script breakdown” and “storyboarding”. Some artists have been known to actually plan a story using these tools to avoid just about everything associated with your strip. If you decide to ignore my advice, could you make Gloria’s boobs a scootch bigger and her blouses much smaller?

All my best…
Erin
May 13th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

From Elly’s Coffee Talk blog over at FBorFW.com:

“It’s a pity there isn’t a Callously Stringing Guys Along event in the Summer Olympics. Liz has real gold medal potential. Particularly if it came in a biathlon with Freestyle Self-Righteousness.”

Hey, Edward T. from St. Paul… I live in the Twin Cities myself. Interested in meeting a nice girl who’d be happy to raise any toddlers you keep caged in your basement?
Anon
May 13th, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Buy CC crap, get a in the COTW also rans.

Buy the most CC crap, get COTW!
JB
May 13th, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

6 Diamond Joe:

Exactly. The Chronicle slipped up and ran this week’s PreTeena a few weeks ago. I noticed it then, as I go back/forth between the Yahoo and Chronicle comics pages to get my complete daily fix of favorite strips.

I don’t think the Chronicle ran the full week’s worth before discovering their mistake, though.
Sans Sense
May 13th, 2008 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

MW:

I agree with several that Mary is failing to surpress a smirk.

“Well duh Ron, who do you think smothered her with a pillow last night? Someone needed to ensure she died in the bliss of my successful meddle!”
gleeb
May 13th, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

95, 114: Jealousy is an ugly thing. Anonymous jealously, however, is pathetically hilarious. Dance, clown, dance!
Diamond Joe
May 13th, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

#109 man behind the curtain:

No, you see, Batiuk ghost-wrote today’s strip. She means she had cancer, and it metastasized.

(Okay, I know… I’m shameless.)
odinthor
May 13th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

RMMD — “May I ask why you’re wearing that surgical mask?” “Surgical mask? You wouldn’t effin’ know a surgical mask from a Kleenex! This is the cup from Gil Thorp’s jock strap.” Then may I ask why . . . um, never mind.”
Vakar
May 13th, 2008 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

76 Honeypot: Right on, and let me take that other angle:

Okay, has Jack Elrod ever heard of psychiatrists? Mental illness? Depression? I mean, come the hell on! Should we start prescribing pets instead of antidepressants? I am amazed at the heights of stupid Mark Trail has achieved. Really.
Diamond Joe
May 13th, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

#115 JB:

They did. The Saturday overcame me and several others here with its sweetness. The funny thing is, they had the dates on them that they were running (4/21-26), so it’s not like they had the files for this week, and simply ran them three weeks early.

According to Wikipedia, the strip ends this coming Sunday. My guess is that these were intended to be the final strips, but ended up misdated and sent out. Then the syndicate realized their mistake, and sent out alternates, but the Chronicle didn’t heed the memo.
Sans Sense
May 13th, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

95, 114, 117:

I agree Gleeb! It does make one wonder what pithy stab of wit was pointedly ignored for failure to buy the requisite amount of Jungle Patrol gear?
Vakar
May 13th, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

A3G & Agnes are weirdly parallel today. In both, one person is being a dork and the other one has the munchies.

FOOB: Nice. Lynn doesn’t have to retcon Warren out of the strip: Liz has already retconned him out of her life! Looks like we’re in for a few days of, “I can’t believe you thought we were a couple! Everyone reading this knew who I was going to marry, why didn’t you?”

JP: Reverse psychology: tried it. Logic: doing it. If nothing works, offer to introduce her to a certain Alan in NYC. He’ll keep her village’s poppy field profitable.

MW: “And since I’m not blaming these things on my brother anymore, I’m holding you responsible!”

Mutts: Snif.

PBS: I like that Pastis doesn’t take himself too seriously. I grew up on Letterman, so the old ‘turn a bad joke into comedy’ routine get points from me.

S-M: These rooftops ninnies thought Spidey would be their unpaid security. Well guess what, people? Robert Downey, Jr., is on Ellen, so there’s going to be some spider-me-time. Try not to get mugged between 3 and 4 PM today, huh? Jerks.
Gabacho
May 13th, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

COTW – The comments of this week are standouts. This is possibly the funniest series of comments I have ever read and I laugh very easily.

Dingo – Inspired by your insight, I am going to rename my boys to “Ron and Rich”. (I had previously introduced them as “Jenna and Barbara”.)

Mary Worth – I love how Mary is already wearing black just in case someone she delivered a book to dies. It’s very slimming. Also, does her couch change colors to match her blouse? Or are the coloring monkey messing with us?
Darkefang
May 13th, 2008 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

A3G: Alan, a couple is supposed to share their interests with one another. Spend the evening together. Lu Ann can explain the fine points of printmaking. You can show her how to light a crack pipe.

Crankshaft: I don’t know what Rose is so upset about. All her son wants to do is take the possessions to which her lifetime of memories is attached and sell them to the highest bidder.

JP: As if taking Gloria to meet his mom on their first date wasn’t bad enough, now she’s being held hostage by a suicide bomber. What’s Steve got planned for the second date? Russian roulette in a Saigon gambling den?

MT: Really? A puppy is the only thing that can help the girl get well? That’s quite a conclusion to jump to for a guy who’s supposed to be the editor of a national publication. I guess that explains why Mark’s stories about performing bears and wounded beavers never make the magazine cover. That space is reserved for stories about Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster.

S-M: There are about 10,000 superheroes in Marvel’s New York City. Why would these people expect Spider-Man to be the one to show up?
Sans Sense
May 13th, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

JP:

Isn’t this where Gloria says, “I don’t get paid for this shit!”
bats :[
May 13th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

105. ladadog: I hope Steve’s mother is morphing into a monkey. They can cause a lot of damage and have nasty, nasty bites. Samira can say ilâ l-liqâ’ to her exquisitely-manicured nails.

113. Erin: wow, that guy sounds dreamy! And snarky! I’d find him hard to resist.

119. odinthor: oh my. Mustn’t visualize….mustn’t visualize…mustn’t visu — GAH!
Shermy Glamrocker
May 13th, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

The next six weeks’ Foob script:

Warren: But is it “over” over?

Liz: Yes, Warren, I’m engaged.

W: Remember the romantic helicopter rides? Would you like to go on one last one?

L: No, Warren, I’m going to be married.

W: To someone else?

L: Yes, Anthony Caine, I told you.

W: Would you like to get a cup of coffee?

L: No Warren. I showed you my ring, right?

W: Say, how about that time I set up Paul so you caught him cheating? Wow, we’ve got some memories. And I feel we’ll have a lot more to come.

L: What part of “I’m engaged” do you fail to understand?

W: Did I ever show you the pictures I took of you and Paul bumping uglies in the cold Canadian night?

Etc., etc., etc.
Justafoob
May 13th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

I love the smell of rejection in the morning.
dreadedcandiru2
May 13th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Warren’s Official Bio is up on the FBorFW homepage. It appears that a cardboard caricature of an Australian was the guy who told him about Paul and Susan. Also, he’s leaving Milboring for good to take a piloting job in a war zone. (Rejection does strange shit to a guy, doesn’t it?) This implies that what he’s doing this week is letting Liz tell him that things are over so she won’t worry about him.
Perky Bird
May 13th, 2008 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

# 130– What? Warren is leaving to take a job in a “war zone”? Is he joining Blackwater or something? This I’d like to see. It would be entertaining to see him try to take a little burqa-wearing beauty for a “helicopter ride”, and then be confronted by her outraged father.
Sans Sense
May 13th, 2008 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Warren is joining the Jungle Patrol! He must have heard about the saucy new inductees! He-Who-Pimps-Recruits stands to gain a new pilot for his Skullacopter.
JB
May 13th, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

And every male member of her village, plus relatives from the whole region, out to thrice-removed.

Which is what really ought to have happened in Mtigiwakkawakkawakka. To Liz or Paul, take your pick.
commodorejohn
May 13th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

#130 dreadedcandiru2 – Off to a war zone, eh? Well, time to place our bets on how long it takes for Lynn to have him “tragically” be killed in a friendly-fire mix-up. Also, that bio?

“Sudden exhaustion hit so hard that he staggered and almost fell into the stone wall of the building he was passing.”

What the fuck is this? Does Lynn write the bios as well as the letters? Could nobody see what an awful, horribly awkward sentence that is? What FOOB as a whole does to the English language is criminal.
Niall
May 13th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

Stop talking about Foob… I’m hungry and now I’m hankering for butter tarts… :P (I’m French Canadian, at least I have a good excuse for it.)
The Gland Canyon
May 13th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

As a high school German teacher and an avid Comics Curmudgeon reader, I must applaud you on your German. You show a wonderful command of the dative case (my favorite!). Fantastisch!
Alfred E. Neuman
May 13th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

#96 Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!) Re: PBS— The “Please retire early” panel was indeed hilarious. Of course, that’s essentially what my fifth grade buddies told me to do when they heard my version of the joke. Now if Batiuk and Johnston could only learn to handle puns as well as Pastis, the comics would be better off. On second thought, Batiuk and Johnston should retire immediately.
bats :[
May 13th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

Wow, according to that riveting bio, Warren’s parents live in Arizona! And he called them! On a phone! And if you read other bios of the Foobarians, many interesting things, like having another baby! and going back to school in the near future! are highlighted with exclamation points! because they’re so darned interesting!
Saxman
May 13th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail, Damnation Alley Version

Hell Tanner is released from California’s death row and offered a full pardon if he can make the “Damnation Alley” run and deliver the last unkidnapped puppy to “The Community” in far away Lost Forest. We’d better hope so, because only the puppy can stop the epidemic of depression and save a child destined to discover the cure for global warming. Even with his missile and laser-equiped Devastation Vehicle, can he fight his way past dozens of giant animals, intelligent bears, man-tossing elephants, and beaver-flooded rivers to deliver his precious cargo?

As soon as my agent calls back, I’ll start working on my Oscar acceptance speech.
Alfred E. Neuman
May 13th, 2008 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

#117 gleeb & #122 Sans Sense Re: #95 & 114— I think Anon is really that rascal, Uncle Lumpy, in disguise. He is just joshing with us (pun intended) as part of his ongoing fund-raising efforts to get us to buy additional lovely CC Gear.
Diamond Joe
May 13th, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

#123 Vakar:

Johnny Carson was the real master at that, with his “Tea for Two” dance when a monologue joke would bomb.

I think my favorite bit of turning lemons to lemonade was when he was doing some things-mounted-on-black-cardboard bit that was just dying. He stopped, looked through the remaining cards, and flatly said, “This material sucks.” Then he put his garbage can up on his desk, spread out the cards atop the can, and set them on fire, to audience applause.
Sans Sense
May 13th, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

140. Alfred E. Pneumatic -

I, for one, am holding out for CC Gear that has a sampling of my comic genius on it…

Oh hell, just give me a rendering of Rusty and Abbey in the front row of a Shamu Show and I’m good.
Comcis Fan
May 13th, 2008 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

#74: Exactly. Why can’t she say she loves him? Although it may be unintended, today’s strip implies Liz does not love Anthony very passionately. We’re probably supposed to believe she’s sparing Warren’s feelings.
PeteMoss
May 13th, 2008 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

Boxcar, I could use a big mug of beer! Especially after reading FBOW today.
Jamus The Bartender
May 13th, 2008 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

FOOB/85. Cheech is right, Warren. Liz was playing you, and you were her personal chauffer. The furnishings Cassandra Cat stole from me and put up her nose were ultimately replacable, but that helicopter fuel, that could have been used to give food to hungry children, or ferry supplies to those in need, is NEVER coming back. Let this be a lesson to you, Warren.
Sans Sense
May 13th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

FOOB:

“SEE MY RING AND RECOIL, POTENTIAL SUITOR! THAT’S IS CORRECT SINGLE MAN, THIS RING ENSURES I NEED NOT TAKE ON THE DIFFICULT TASK OF THOUGHT OR CHOICE ANY LONGER. I AM TIED TO THE ASSISTANT USED CAR DEALER/SERVICE STATION MANAGER OF MY (mother’s) CHOICE! I SHALL LIVE OUT MY DAYS CATERING TO HIM AND HIS SPAWN AND NO LONGER BE TROUBLED BY AMBIGUITY, COMPLEXITY OR GROWTH. I WILL GLADLY TRADE OUR ‘NEVER WAS BUT COULD HAVE BEEN’ FOR…UM…ER…UM…’A LOT MORE’! BEGONE VARLET BEFORE I UNLEASH THE HOUNDS!”
Old School Allie Cat
May 13th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth – I can appreciate the need for genteel euphemisms for “died”, but when Ron/Rich tells Mary that Donna is gone, I want Mary to say, “Well you should go find her and tell her you and your brother made up!”
Someone from Texas....
May 13th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

134: commodorejohn

I believe the Bios are written by one or more of Lynn’s Minions.

Formerly, the characters “wrote” monthly letters–still available for your review on The Official Foobsite. If you haven’t had the pleasure–read Michael’s. The Sensitive Genius’s prose style is particularly emetic.
The Divine O\\\'F
May 13th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker Ahem. I haven’t really been reading the comics or the comments for several weeks now, but some downtime just led me to the Chron, and, uh, I hardly know what to say. The level of batshit moronicity here is staggering. Take Gloria’s monumentally stupid question, “Why would you kill innocent people to satisfy your revenge?” Hello? Why WOULDN’T a terrorist kill innocent people to satisfy her revenge? Isn’t that the whole POINT of revenge? I mean, the terrorista would lose her membership card in the Young Sexy Jihadist’s Society if she, say, were to kill GUILTY people to satisfy her revenge. And by the way, will she get 72 virgin guys after she sets off the bomb? Having deflowered my share of male virgins, I’m not sure it’s worth the trouble. I’m just saying.

And then there’s Mark Trail. I really feel like screaming here. “MARK, YOU TWIT! YOU ARE RISKING THE LIFE OF YOUR BELOVED AND BRAVE DOG ANDY TO SAVE THE LIFE OF A GIRL WHO IS IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE… HER PUPPY IS GONE?” Last time I checked, losing a pet, while admittedly sad, was not terminal. I guess Mark will do anything for an excuse to punch someone.
Little Guy
May 13th, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

I’d *knew* you’d come through, bats:[!
Plasma
May 13th, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Is it uncharitable of me to desperately hope for Anthony to dump Liz, all of her other suitors to refuse to take her back, and for her to die friendless and alone?
Gold-Digging Nanny
May 13th, 2008 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

BB — I think I can tell what’s wrong with your Jeep, Sarge. You can usually tell by looking at the color of the fluid on the ground. Oil is black. Antifreeze is generally neon green. Transmission fluid is red. I think your problem, Sarge, is that you’ve filled up your engine with Crystal Light lemonade.

I’d offer to help you drain it and fill it up with oil, but that would involve popping the hood, and it looks like your model doesn’t do that.
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
May 13th, 2008 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

Congrats to the great COTW!

My pic of the minute: Mary Moves On.
velvet goldmine
May 13th, 2008 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

Wow, Mary Worth is hitting the Botox pretty hard these days, judging by that expressionless reaction to her new friend’s death. But to be fair, she might be still in shock from having her purse snatched* by the Vulture.

*First wrote “snatch pursed” and had a hearty laugh. I bet she really does purse ALL of her lips when she runs across especially flagrant Charterstone rule-breakers.
Mike
May 13th, 2008 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

Is that a suicide bomber on the conveyor belt into Hell in today’s Non Sequitur? Just asking.
commodorejohn
May 13th, 2008 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

#148 Someone From Texas…. – I have had the displeasure of reading excerpts from The Letters before, and that’s what I was getting at; the prose in the bios is nearly as execrable as the snippets from “Stone Season” that were inflicted on an unsuspecting readership.

#151 Plasma – Not at all, although I would append the hope that Anthony himself would be arrested for being a severely creepy fuck who locks his daughter in a cage in the basement.

#154 velvet goldmine – I’d imagine that that particular orifice has been in Permanent Pucker for about forty years, if not her entire life.
the incredible shrinking screaming enflamed melon-ed woman
May 13th, 2008 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

Anybody want to hear a rant? Because I just posted one on the last blog thread. It was fun. I smell fun. Josh is kinky. fun.
velvet goldmine
May 13th, 2008 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

I just looked again at Mary in her moment of distress — in her own comic, not her cameo in Spiderman.

It was ludicrous of me to suggest that Mary had Botox injections. I deeply regret my unprovoked attack on her fine and modest character, and those deep forehead wrinkles don’t exactly hint at cosmetic intervention.

But it’s still more of a “So why are you calling me?” squint than anything approaching dismay. So….yeah… she’s just a stone cold bitch, basically.
trey le parc
May 13th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

“It never started!”

And THANK GOD for that or else we’d have been subjected to Lynn’s endless and nauseating interpretation of her favorite “Love Is…” strips while chronicling the sad procession of Liz’s suitors, all those losers found wanting, those losers that fell for that languid cow Elizabeth, Princess of the Broad Abeam, while she was waiting, patiently (and one presumes humidly), for her Anthony, her Knight in Shining Dacron (R).
Poteet
May 13th, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

Foob — This is beyond pathetic (sob), but I can’t find Warren’s biography and would appreciate instructions or a link.
ChattyGenes
May 13th, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

#160 Poteet

Here you go!

http://www.fborfw.com/features/who/

You go to the very right of the info bar on that site, to “Explore More,” and pull down to “Who’s Who in fbofw.”

Beyond pathetic goes for me too, since I have a class coming up that I’m not ready for, and am I here preparing for it? No, I’m reading CC….
Kate
May 13th, 2008 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

When Poteet in #160 wondered, I wondered too.

When ChattyGenes in #161 provided the link, I clicked.

Now that I am #162 or something like that, I no longer want to live, for I have read this:

“‘Moving is the last thing I’m doing. And you’d regret it if I did.’ Warren snatched back the covers Dray was trying to drag off him. ‘Honestly, man, I’m no good today. I’d be puking all over the cockpit if I flew. Go find Jason, he likes doing photography.’”
Harold
May 13th, 2008 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

Did Alan’s reaction to seeing his own tight-lipped reflection in the bathroom mirror in A3-G last week seem a little excessive? Perhaps he wasn’t seeing the same thing we were seeing!

What does Alan see?
bats :[
May 13th, 2008 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

161. ChattyGenes and Poteet: hmmmm. You see that illustration on the home page for Foob’s “Who’s Who”? With most of the characters gather around and looking down into something.
Maybe, like Ziggy, they’ve got e-mail, too.
Maybe it was a big neighborhood party, and everyone ate and drank too much, and this has turned into a mass prayer to the porcelain god.
I hope for too much, I know.
Kate
May 13th, 2008 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

Shit, hit “send” too soon. Dray? DRAY? Is Warren having his nakedness uncovered by a low-slung, rough cart?
Kate
May 13th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

Jesus, Harold, that scared the crap out of me. Clearly I need to cut down on the coffee.
ChattyGenes
May 13th, 2008 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

#164 Bats. Bwahahaha!

And I’ve gone to make zerox copies for my class and I’ve come back. But I am still not ready for class. And here I am again on CC. (Curses upon you, CC!) MUST. TEAR. MYSELF. AWAY!!!
Anonymous
May 13th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

Hey–what’s up with Marvin? It looks like the artist went back to the old crappy style for a couple days, then returned to the new crappy style

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/marvin.asp?date=20080512
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/marvin.asp?date=20080511

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/marvin.asp?date=20080513
commodorejohn
May 13th, 2008 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

#163 Harold – Great, but you forgot Alan Stiles!
Mordock999
May 13th, 2008 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

#56 – Gene – (Luann) Hey, GREAT idea for an ending to tommorrow’s Luann strip. Greg will NEVER allow it though.

Now let see: How many ways can He screw up this week’s Brad/Toni romantic story line……,

__________

DEATH to TJ!
AhClem
May 13th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

JP – I don’t know why, but the current storyline of the reluctant terrorist reminds me of this exchange:

SAMIRA: None shall pass.
STEVE: What?
SAMIRA: None shall pass.
STEVE: I have no quarrel with you, good Madam, but I must see my mother.
SAMIRA: Then you shall die.
STEVE: I command you, as King of the Legless Lawyers, to stand aside!
SAMIRA: I move for no man, legless or no.
STEVE: So be it!
STEVE and SAMIRA: Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.
[STEVE yanks SAMIRA's left arm off]
STEVE: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
SAMIRA: ‘Tis but a scratch.
STEVE: A scratch? Your arm’s off!
SAMIRA: No, it isn’t.
STEVE: Well, what’s that, then?
SAMIRA: I’ve had worse.
STEVE: You liar!
SAMIRA: Come on, you pansy!
Huyah! Hiyaah! Aaaaaaaah!
[STEVE yanks SAMIRA's right arm off]
STEVE: Victory is mine! [kneeling] We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer–
SAMIRA: Hah! [kick] Come on, then.
STEVE: What?
SAMIRA: Have at you! [kick]
STEVE: Eh. You are indeed brave, Madam Terrorist, but the fight is mine.
SAMIRA: Oh, had enough, eh?
STEVE: Look, you stupid bitch. You’ve got no arms left.
SAMIRA: Yes, I have.
STEVE: Look!
SAMIRA: Just a flesh wound. [kick]
STEVE: Look, stop that.
SAMIRA: Chicken! [kick] Chickennn!
STEVE: Look, I’ll have your leg. [kick] Right!
[whop]
[STEVE yanks SAMIRA's right leg off]
SAMIRA: Right. I’ll do you for that!
STEVE: You’ll what?
SAMIRA: Come here!
STEVE: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
SAMIRA: I’m invincible!
STEVE: You’re a looney.
SAMIRA: Samira always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.
[whop]
[STEVE yanks SAMIRA's last leg off]
SAMIRA: Oh? All right, we’ll call it a draw.
STEVE: Come, Gloria.
SAMIRA: Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what’s coming to you. I’ll bite your legs off!
NotAGoatHead
May 13th, 2008 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

Rally time!

NO MORE FOOB! NO MORE FOOB!
NO MORE FOOB! NO MORE FOOB!
NO MOR.. oh, wait…
If there were no FOOB, what would we make fun of?
Maybe Mark Trail, or Mary Worth, or Dennis the Menace, or APT 3G, or Gil Thorp, or Dagwood, or Dick Tracy, or, Herb and Loose Wheel, or Cathy, or Pluggers, Judge Parker, or… heh, heh!

NO MORE FOOB! NO MORE FOOB!…
NotAGoatHead
May 13th, 2008 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

… did I mentioned Family Circus?

NO MORE FOOB! NO MORE FOOB!…
KH
May 13th, 2008 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

#171. Ah Clem. You are not alone. I had the same thought
yesterday.
Poteet
May 13th, 2008 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

# 161 & # 162 — Chatty and Kate, I thought those monthly letters from Michael were as bad as Foob could get. Oh, how wrong I was. I was only about six paragraphs into that biography when I started thinking about guns and razor blades. (For me). I managed to slog my way though Michael’s letters, but that biography was Just. Too. Much. At least for now. I can see myself being drawn back toward it in a few days, like water swirling helplessly toward a drainhole. Jeebuz, the horror, the horror.
TennesseeJed
May 13th, 2008 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

9cl: I seriously don’t see why Seth’d be jelous. I think he actually killed Amos and is making up an excuse for being moody (or whatever). But frankly if I killed Amos I’d be dancing on a table or something.
Cheese-n-Pear
May 13th, 2008 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

MT: I can only assume that Mark is relying on the doctor’s opinion on what can save little Madeline. “Dammit, nurse! This girl needs a puppy, stat! She’s no longer responding to constant viewings of icanhascheezburger.com!”
bats :[
May 13th, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

162. Kate: with that choice little excerpt, I thought Warren and Dray were having a rather intimate encounter and hoping that this “Jason” individual would be interested in photographing them, maybe for Blueboy magazine.
(Geez, is that magazine still being published?)

Well, if certain people are going to write craparoni bios, I can imagine them enhanced and somewhat less boring.
commodorejohn
May 13th, 2008 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

#178 bats :[ – That’s what I thought as well, and I was waiting with equal parts trepidation and amusement for Dingo to work his fan-fiction magic.
Gold-Digging Nanny
May 13th, 2008 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

Hi Lark! *Waves in general direction of France.*
Dick Tracy Broke Into My Oddball Sanctuary
May 13th, 2008 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

The most painful thing about Warren’s bio, besides the length, is the attempt to wrangle every single word from “How to Speak Australian” into any sentence that Dray speaks.
Mooncattie
May 13th, 2008 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

MT – I’m not sure rescuing Bill the puppy is a good idea! What’s little Maddie going to do when Bill dies of old age 12 years from now? The lyrics to I Don’t Like Mondays come to mind.

FOOB – #81 Weaselboy is right on – one look at Liz’s drama-face and the whole world should be chanting at Warren you bastard! you lucky lucky bastard! And I’m still trying to figure out why Liz needed to buy TWO loaves of French stick yesterday.
commodorejohn
May 13th, 2008 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

#181 Dick Tracy Broke Into My Oddball Sanctuary – What, you didn’t think Native Americans were the only nationality Lynn was going to ignorantly stereotype, did you? Betcha there’s an American somewhere in the strip who wears a cowboy hat, listens to country, and watches NASCAR.
bats :[
May 13th, 2008 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

181. DTBIMOS: crikey!

(And commodorejohn, I’m waiting for that, too…)
ChattyGenes
May 13th, 2008 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

#175 Poteet. Think of me. AFTER I (hurriedly) posted the link for you, I went back, clicked, and started to scroll…Good God, I cannot believe how long that thing is!

I had absolutely no time to read it then (nor do I now), so I’m saving it for lunchtime. (Which is probably a mistake.)

Well, look on the bright side. More terrible prose to mock! Happy days are here again!
cheech wizard
May 13th, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

MT – “What? They’ve taken the little girl to the hospital? Well, there’s no way they’ll let us take a dog in there. No sense trying to recover the puppy anymore – guess Andy and I can go home now. Give us a call when she croaks and we’ll send some flowers, ok?
Gojira (formerly Godzooky)
May 13th, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

GT: Nice try, Rubin, but it’s supposed to be “¿Cómo fue la cita?” Points for the correctly-placed inverted question mark and accent, though.
Dick Tracy Broke into My Oddball Sanctuary
May 13th, 2008 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

#183 – commodorejohn – Don’t forget the gun-totin’ part. Also, the part where we go broke from high healthcare costs.

Having just paid nearly $300 for two medications, that last one isn’t as funny.

Seriously, though, WTF? I used my scroll-n-skim method (perfected back when I was attempting to appreciate Harry Potter), and it still took me over five minutes to get “the gist”. One thing that really freaked me out was the idea that, during the years from high school through… oh, two years ago… when I stopped reading FOOB? Lynn kept writing it. Not only the strip, but fleshing out the back story in nauseating detail (albeit with huge gaps in logic).

I suppose it’s the very definition of “self-centered”, but I kind of assumed that when I lost interest in the strip, it’s plotline ceased to advance any further. It turns out that that happened AFTER I started reading again because of Josh.
Trotzenbonnie
May 13th, 2008 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

CHATTY G!
Argggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! You owe me two eyeballs and a new pyloric sphincter. I clicked on the link to Warren’s bio (which was elongated in the past 24 hours because I just looked at the damned thing yesterday and there was NO STAR I tell you) and shplarghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Gag! Wretch!
What a load of crap!
I want to show Warren’s story to my own resident rotor-head but I love him too much.
Mr T’s decision to fly choppers was a bit more pragmatic. He got tired of freezing his ass off and getting trapped with a load of gassy enlisted guys in those Army tanks so he went to flight school. But he would scoff at Warren switching from fixed wing to eggbeaters as if flying is flying.
And the thought of ever being bored with flying – oooh boy! I don’t care if Warren was getting paid to circle the parking lot at a Piggly Wiggly – how in the friggity hell could he be bored as long as he’s in the air? What a tool!

Poteet – pinky swear that you will not read on! I made it as far as you did and I think we must be firm in our resolve to avoid going back to it at all costs. I don’t know about you but my esophagus sure isn’t looking forward to doubling as a stomach again.
Bonwah
May 13th, 2008 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

“Anthony Caine” — heh! Why didn’t Lynn just name him Anthony Queeg and be done with it?

Someday after Gordo retires, Anthony will be sitting in the general manager’s chair above the showroom floor, rolling his little steel worry balls in his hand, while the garage crew mutinies.
True Fable
May 13th, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Good wing sauce! This calls for a Declaration:

Hey LYNN! Yeah, you! LYNN JOHNSTON!

I Dare you, I double – no; I TRIPLE DOG DARE you to introduce an American into your strip with all the typical bullshit associated with Our Kind – the aforementioned cowboy hat and NASCAR fan, loud print shirt and all ate up with Attitude. Oh, and be sure to make each individual tooth a separate knobby little growth completely around the inside of the mouth, gee but you can draw Evil so well!

Hell, girl; call him Truman Fable if you want although you’ll need to make him a baseball fan instead of NASCAR, and give him goats, what the hell. Most of all, make sure he does something really despicable to the Pattersons like break Liz’s easily distracted wishy-washy heart, or punch Mike in his self-aggrandizing mouth, or treat April like a human being whose opinion and dreams count for something. But MOST OF ALL, oooh let him call bullshit on Elly’s whining!

But that would depend upon your ability to write believable dialog and develop realistic characters and golly gosh oshkins, Lynnie Baby, I sure wouldn’t want to stretch you till you break. Heh.

Or must I draw this myself? Bwahahaha…!

And no, you cannot have any Fable love. The Fable is NOT for YOU!!
Poteet
May 13th, 2008 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

# 185 Chatty & # 189 Trotz — BWAHAHAHA! I’m sorry, but now I feel compelled to slog onward. Your eloquent warnings, Chatty re length and Trotz re massive gut-churning glurge, have somehow increased my resolve. I’ve never climbed Everest or raised a child — it’s time to test my courage. I’ll arm myself with a bottle of something strong and cheap (and a large bucket) and take it one ghastly section at a time. Excelsior!
True Fable
May 14th, 2008 at 12:02 am [Reply]

# 192 Poteet, my queen! – I am ever at the ready to lend you a bucket, my liege!
True Fable
May 14th, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

FBoFW Thank you, Warren, for putting the kibosh on the Patterson Dream of domestic bliss! You dodged a bullet, buster – you almost bought into that whole “meet someone, get married, buy a house, raise a family” BULLSHIT that Liz apparently believes is the Be-All, End-All Existence for All Right-Thinking People!

Or, maybe you were just looking to get a little what-what from Her Frosty Thighs or something. Well, it doesn’t matter. Shoot her down, brother, shoot her down.
Trotzenbonnie
May 14th, 2008 at 12:24 am [Reply]

Wednesday’s FOOB – Whoa! Looks like Liz is about to thaw those Frosty Thighs with some hot coffee, eh?

Moral of today’s FOOB – Men are asshats.
alamo
May 14th, 2008 at 12:26 am [Reply]

182 — if you wonder what liz is going to do with two sticks of french bread then you need to exercise your imagination a bit. anthony must be out of town and warrren never did rise to the occasion.
Gold-Digging Nanny
May 14th, 2008 at 12:39 am [Reply]

I have some major Six Differences catchup to do:

April 13

1) Panel one is a scene from the hit movie of a couple years ago, “BatBear Begins.” Panel two is from the upcoming sequel, “The Bear Knight.” You would think the actor would be used to the bat special effects by now, but no.
2) The fat rat in panel one lost his girlish figure by eating the campers’ Easy Cheese straight from the can. The fat rat in panel two, on the other hand, has been making little canapes by squirting the Easy Cheese onto the campers’ beef jerky and topping it with peanut M&Ms and dried banana chip wedges.
3) The bear in panel one engages in omphaloskepsis. The bear in panel two does not.
4) The couple in panel one are part of a movie subplot in which the couple is hiding from BearCrow in the woods and accidentally stumbles upon the BatBear Cave. BatBear murders them to keep the location of his lair a secret. It’s a really dark franchise. The couple in panel two have camped out on the movie set to get tickets. The director has tried to explain to them that they don’t actually get tickets faster by waiting in line for them before the movie is even finished filming, but no dice. The crew has done a pretty good job of shooting around them so far, but in the scene right after the BatBear Signal goes out, you can see their shadows against the BatBearMobile.
5) Asih Befuloa has the lead role in panel one. Sajesci Baal landed the BatBear role in panel two, a bit of genderbending that alienated many fans.
6) The turtle in panel two will become the next BatBear villain after it is bitten by a radioactive fish skeleton.

This episode of I Found All Six has been brought to you by Warner Bros. Pictures.

And that’s as caught up as I’m getting tonight, because my Internet connection is painfully slow.
Trotzenbonnie
May 14th, 2008 at 12:40 am [Reply]

CRANKSHAFT –
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080514&name=Crankshaft

Okay. So Annoying Mom is willing to part with Paul Bunyan’s hairbrush, the wire hanger she used to make sure that Jeff was an only child, her Gilbert No. 12 Golden Glo Vitalator, a moldy blue cheeseburger, an autographed picture of Arthur Godfrey and – ACK! How could she be so cruel as to casually dispose of one of Spider Brick’s kin ?!
Trotzenbonnie
May 14th, 2008 at 12:42 am [Reply]

#196 – alamo
You made me laugh out loud.
One question – does that mean Liz will get a yeast infection?
C. Havoc
May 14th, 2008 at 12:52 am [Reply]

MT: BTW, Mark, the first thing I’m going to do after I kidnap your dog is TAKE OFF THAT HUGE, STUPID, RADIO COLLAR. The second thing I am going to do is put it on Kelly Welly. Boy, are you in for an unpleasant surprise.
C. Havoc
May 14th, 2008 at 12:54 am [Reply]

MT:,/b> Also, regarding the big radio collar: They do make tiny little embedded locator chips for pets now. But I imagine that is expecting just a bit too much technology from a guy who only recently discovered the “Cell Phone”.
C. Havoc
May 14th, 2008 at 12:55 am [Reply]

Arrrgh! Lousy HTML…Preview 1st…PREVIEW, Idiot!
ChattyGenes
May 14th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

To Poteet, Trotz, (and anyone else who has thought about slogging through the glurge of Warren’s autobiography):

I made a valiant attempt. I got halfway through, and that was while I was EATING LUNCH. (Do I get any brownie points for that?)

I now have to quit and get on with schoolwork. But just to show how much I love you all, here are a few plums:

“It was a tough, cold, dirty life and a dangerous one.”

“Warren glued himself to the pilot’s side and pumped him for two solid hours.” (I kid you not, this sentence is in there!)

“There was no shortage of single girls around, and he knew he wasn’t exactly repulsive.”

“Liz was as funny and interesting in her correspondence as she was in real life.” (???)

“When the long stretches of travel started to get to him he would lie in his hotel bed daydreaming that she was waiting for him somewhere, would always be there, warm and loving and eager to welcome him home.” (Can I borrow your bucket, Poteet?)

I may go back for the second half later. Right now, schoolwork “isn’t exactly repulsive”:-)
Poteet
May 14th, 2008 at 1:14 am [Reply]

# 193 — Sir Fable MTK, I thank you for your gallantry and courage. And foresight, because this may take more than one bucket.

# 203 ChattyGenes — I bow low before you. I had in mind a much more gradual approach, but you read HALF that crap while EATING? I salute you. Me, I just counted, and there are 161 paragraphs and 16 strips in that biography. Gaaaah! I’ll need to pace myself to survive.
Poteet
May 14th, 2008 at 1:16 am [Reply]

# 203 — And that “pumped him” line positively screams for Dingo’s take. Ye gods.
A New Day
May 14th, 2008 at 1:30 am [Reply]

Congrats COTWs!

And may I add, in re: Mark Trail…
Oh fer the love of Pete. First, Mark, this isn’t Narnia: your dog, intelligent being though he may be, is not capable of consenting to being used in your lunatic plan. In other words, he is not a co-conspirator, he is a tool, and he should be taken away from you for his own safety. Second, the only thing that can cure the now-hospitalized girl is her puppy? What the crap is wrong with her? “Doctor, I think I have the flu. I need a puppy, stat.” “No child, it’s only a cold. Hang on, I have some sample guinea pigs you could try instead.”
some guy here
May 14th, 2008 at 3:32 am [Reply]

I’d like to know if Mooncattie met any German Cardinals over there!
AirForbes
May 14th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

“Liz was as funny and interesting in her correspondence as she was in real life.”

Meaning not at all, right???
Calico
May 14th, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

GA May 9 –
Sounds like the gimp scene from Pulp Fiction.

Oh Lordy Miss Clawdy.

Even the wealthy parents don’t want him now.

Where the Hell is Bruce Willis when you need him?
Anonymous
May 17th, 2008 at 8:09 am [Reply]

Yaay! Go, Germany!
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