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Thankfully back!

Beetle Bailey, 11/19/12

I am super excited about being back in the saddle for Thanksgiving Week! What was once a celebration of getting through the year without starving to death has become another opportunity for America to indulge its bottomless appetites, so what better way to get psyched for it than to contemplate Sarge’s insatiable needs, for food, for love for … something. Attracted by the odor of the garbage that’s all over Beetle’s clothing, he waltzes into the kitchen in a fugue state, his eyes closed, his arms ready to hug, or maybe wrap around his prey and hold it down so it can be consumed.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/19/12

Sadder, unsurprisingly, is Funky Winkerbean’s annual Turkey Sale. There used to be a certain manic joy to the Westview band’s attempt to stave off bankruptcy by selling possibly non-USDA-inspected turkeys to unsuspecting saps door-to-door. A cartoonist who starts off writing strips when he’s young generally has young viewpoint characters; if he’s lucky enough to have a job for decades, of course, the viewpoint characters get old and the new young people who get introduced into the cast are feckless morons. And so the current generation of turkey salesmanship is represented by Peruvian Hat Boy here, who wanders dumbly from door to door, mumbling out half-hearted pitches memorized by rote like those dead-eyed children you see on the subway selling boxes of M&M for “school.” I suppose it’s possible that he just had his will to live crushed out of him by endless lectures about the importance of sequential art.

B.C., 11/19/12

Even grimmer is today’s B.C. Ha ha, this turkey has scavenged through the garbage to find the severed leg of one of its kin, and has now crudely attached the dismembered limb to his own chest in order to convince the world that he’s a genetic abomination, because he’s terrified of being killed and eaten!

Archie, 11/19/12

In non-horror news, Miss Grundy is sad that her students don’t know who Savonarola is, which might be more troubling if she were teaching a class about, say, the history of Renaissance Italy in general, or maybe precursors to the Reformation? Because while Savonarola is the subject of a moderately famous painting by Fra Bartolomeo, he was more of a political-religious figure than anything to do with art. On the other hand, kudos to The Savannah Roller, who’s definitely selected one of roller derby’s more obscure pun-names.

Heathcliff, 11/19/12

Heathcliff and his girlfriend, who enjoy elaborate role-play, have hired a bored pizza delivery man to “deliver” Heathcliff, for sex. You can tell the pun fills him with contempt, but work is work.

238 responses to “Thankfully back!”

  1. bats :[
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    I’ve tried it, and I’ve NEVER actually gotten an Extra Hunky BF pizza.

  2. Powers
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Her name is Sonja, FYI.

  3. Chareth Cutestory
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: “One boyfriend–extra hunky. There’s also a new service charge of 8.5 cents because our CEO is a dickhead.”

  4. Liam
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    A3G-Oh that’s right. Greg is an actor even though we’ve seen nothing that shows him doing actor things.

    MW-Because he has incestuous feelings for his dead sister and I bear resemblance to his sister so he is transferring all his creepy feelings for her onto me.

    MW 2-Because I don’t care for men that way. I would rather be in a relationship with a woman.

    Gil Thorp-I miss the old days when Terry would be hauled off somewhere and beaten.

  5. pugfuggly
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    BB I dunno, Beetle, I think that getting undressed while Sarge is in this state is just an invitation to….well, something you’d want to avoid.

    FW Hey Batiuk? What was the joke in this strip again? ‘Something’? Ok then.

    MT Somewhere, Rusty is weeping, although he’s not entirely sure why.

    MW That awkward sitting pose Dawn has adopted leads me to believe that Jim’s smoothie cup might still be lodged up there…

  6. Windier E. Megatons
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    So the world of BC has genetically-modified foodstuffs and Kentucky Fried Chicken? Maybe the whole thing is actually set in an isolated town where the people are merely being convinced that they live in caveman times, à la M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Village,” except that the town elders are just super lazy. “Yeah, we can set up a Kentucky Fried Chicken and have everyone talk about Jesus. It’s not like it’s REALLY 10,000 BC here. As long as everyone’s wearing black singlets and making all their inventions out of rock, that’s close enough.”

  7. Your Insect Overlords
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    AS-M: Yet another comic convention I find befuddling: the happy purse-snatcher. While I’ve never snatched a purse, but — I’m not proud to say I have shoplifted — and I felt anything approaching the gleeful joy Cleetus there in panel 2 is experiencing, just ever-mounting panic — is the sheer wallowy joy in being evil what separates the pros from the amateurs, or is it just being high on meth?

    BB: I know they lifted the ban on homosexuals in the military, but phagosexuals? I hope not.

    JP: He may have cars, perky boobs, mansions, money, big boobs, friends, flunkies, power, perky big boobs, influence, and power, but one thing Sam Driver does not have is Scotch for breakfast, and he’s the poorer man for it.

    MW: “Is it because of his arm, or rather, that disgusting stump that looks like giant, angry, puss-filled zit? Because if it is, you are a horrible person.”

  8. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    BB: Sarge is looking for a pizza, “extra hunky”.

    Arch: Thanks for explaining, Josh. I seriously didn’t get “Savannah Roller” out of “Savonarola”. My thought was “It’s a course about art appreciation, why the hell would Jughead pull some bullshit about a roller derby out of his ass?”

  9. bats :[
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    I truly felt sad for little Jeffy, but what better way to show the evolution of Billy Keane, Serial Killer Back-Alley Thug Archetypal Sociopath displaying Typical Daily Humor of The Family Circus?

  10. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    MW: The joke’s on Dawn. Jim can’t drive and answer the phone unless she seriously wants him to die.

  11. Droopy Says
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: “Stop, thief?” Is someone filming a movie? That would fit with this strip’s format, where Parker Does Something, only to discover that he didn’t notice what was going on outside the frame, and made a fool of himself in the process.

    Gasoline Alley: Where are Sam and Dean Winchester when we need them?

    Funky: It’s so appropriate that Asshat is holding a turkey as he does whatever it is he’s doing.

    Family Circus: No, Billy, you can kill Jeffy any old time, although Santa will like it better if it’s a murder-suicide.

    Mock Trail: Seriously, Elrod? Trail enjoys being abducted?

    Jugs Parker: What will Bubba do now? Are he and his merry morons in the air, with Bubba calling the Feds? “It’s incredible! This wealthy Hollywood wheeler-dealer has a huge pot farm out by the Danger Salt Mine, which he’s converted into an underground party-shelter. Get out there and nail him with his smug buddy, because they’ve coerced everyone in the area to help hide their secret!”

    9 Dickweed Lane: Plopping Solange into a corner of a panel doesn’t distract anyone from the presence of Thorass.

  12. yellojkt
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Add sploshing to the list of kinks in the Sarge-Beetle Love Which Must Never Be Named.

  13. cheech wizard
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Thanks to everyone for the birthday greetings everyone – you Mudges are the best! And thanks too, to Uncle Lumpy, for a week of babysitting with his usual top-grade snark! We’re indeed fortunate to have both Pope Josh and such an accomplished back-up.

  14. pugfuggly
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#8):

    Arch: Thanks for explaining, Josh. I seriously didn’t get “Savannah Roller” out of “Savonarola”. My thought was “It’s a course about art appreciation, why the hell would Jughead pull some bullshit about a roller derby out of his ass?”

    Yeah, somehow I think it’s more likely that Jug just spouted off a completely random answer in his continuing effort to annoy Ms Grundy enough that she won’t call on him again. Of course, she takes him literally and spends her marking period in front of a blackboard with ‘Savonarola’ and ‘Georgian Roller Derby Champ’ written in big block letters with arrows to related terms, Venn diagrams of common descriptors and an overlayed map of Georgia and the Florentine Republic. At the 2 hour mark, she shrieks “I GET IT! ‘THE SAVANNAH ROLLER’” and runs to the faculty lounge to casually work the pun into a conversation with as many teachers she can.

    Of course, tomorrow when she asks the class who Parmigianino is, and Jughead answers ‘an overweight botanist from Ohio’, it’s going to be right back to the drawing board.

  15. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    PBS: cross-dressing bears. I miss Dingo.

    SBp: *snurk*

    Zits: more unspeakable filth.

    Bizarro: the cat tail makes the gag.

    DT: and the Bat-refs continue!

    Pluggers: I saw this IRL just a few days back.

    6Cx: yup. two hours of drinking is about what it takes.

    SFx: SHARKS HAVE GILLS!!!

  16. Feral Canadian
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Is that Mark’s spirit gull in panel 2 lamenting the fact that he cannot help mark? Also, can we stop calling this an abduction and start calling it a $2 million vacation?

  17. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .the two slightly larger ones on the chest.

  18. S. Stout
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Archie: If the AJGLU 3000 wants to draw penis noses on its characters then that’s fine, but please don’t zoom in on them and make me imagine life with a penis nose.

    Luann: But they’ve never done anything but small talk, just like everyone else in the strip. Will tomorrow be the first Luann where two characters discuss something that matters? Spoiler Alert: No.

  19. TheDiva
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Archie: I would have said it was something you don’t want in your Thanksgiving turkey, just to be topical, but whatever.

    Phantom: I’m not a Ghost-Who-Walks or anything, but it seems to me that mixing lion tranquilizer in the same cup you use for coffee isn’t the wisest move.

    Pibgorn: It seems to me that if your strawman is lying in pieces on the floor, cutting him into more pieces with a blade of any sharpness is unlikely to torture him more. But hey, it’s your revenge fantasy, I guess you can write it any way you like.

  20. The Grandstander
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “And you don’t? Why not? Dawn, you get over there and have sex that boy RIGHT NOW!!!!!”

  21. Liam
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    FW-For drug money. We want to kill and eat a baby this year thinking that we are eating a turkey instead of actually eating turkey.

  22. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    I thought “Savonarola” was a new fruit roll-up — the one with Kit Walker’s Captain Savarna on the package:

    http://www.schapter.org/wiki/images/1/15/Savarna.gif

  23. The Grandstander
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    When you think that Mark Trail just can’t get any more stupid, this story arc comes along. This has to be the most benign kidnapping/major crime in recorded history. Jackelrod is completely redefining Stockholm syndrome.

  24. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Satchel.

    meanwhile, in Michigan.

    dating fail, parental win. *gigglez*

    The Daily Puppy is doing the Cuteness Overload Face. Go see the rest of the pics, it will brainmush you with teh kewt.

    sleepin’ derpy.

  25. Greg
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Archie: More pertinently, is it even possible to get a coffe cup tilted to one’s mouth when you have a nose two feet long? Then again, you know what they say about cartoon characters with long noses. Ladies?

  26. Marc
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    A3G- It’s good to know that even at 4 am, the men of the A3G world have their dress clothes on. You could probably deduct points for lack of sport coats, but I guess you can look the other way at that hour. I’m more interested in how both white haired & goateed Evan clone have each changed phones between panels.

    Mark Trail- Mark is getting to enjoy all of the pleasure bonefishing he wants. And since the purpose is to catch fish to feed the island, it’s technically business. So Mark is enjoying a business trip consisting of pleasure bonefishing on a tropical island, free to lounge about in his spare time. Wasn’t that the EXACT point of his vacation?

    Mary Worth- Well Dawn, if you don’t want to get serious with anyone right now, I have a solution. Wear that purple sweatsuit out in public as often as possible. That way you will never have to worry about anyone even wanting to be friends with you ever again, let alone MORE than friends. There problem solved.

    Funky- Between barely helping to build terrible robots and failing to sell a single turkey, Owen the Idiot is well on his way to challenging Funky for the town’s biggest failure trophy.

    Luann- Can’t wait to see what status quo preserving, contrived sack of shit Evans throws at us here. Ugh this is going to be painful.

    Curtis- It’s a good that Curtis has this conversation with Chutney every day for a week, every single year. You know, lest she forget how snobby one set of cousins are and how the others are unrepentent slobs. I hear early onset ahlzheimers is a huge problem among inner city youth, so Curtis is just doing his part to keep her in the loop.

    Cranky- Umm excuse me, but wasn’t there just a massive snowstorm? Add weather to the list of things Batiuk doesn’t understand.

  27. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Meh. I prefer the Bay City Rollers. Actually, what I really like is Nick Lowe’s version of the Bay City Rollers.

  28. Darryl Heine
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Speaking of Savonaroia: Think of this from a Two and a Half Men episode:
    Sacajawea – A bag full of JAWEA.

  29. Hibbleton
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    JP: What the hell? Even a Mark Trail story line has more dramatic tension than this plot.

    RMMD: Ouch! Hard to get excited about Honey and Ginger bumping boobs with stage 3 cancer on the table.

    MT: Two guys with light tackle are going to catch the island’s daily feed. Exactly how big is this place?

    A3G: “What’s up?” Greg, teasingly says, as he feigns an innocent response to Ryan’s booty call.

  30. sporknpork
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Is Miss Grundy and that other guy sitting in the middle of the hallway? Or do they keep that sign around because they enjoy the constant reminder that they’re indeed in the faculty lounge?

  31. Droopy Says
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    This might be a turning point in Asshat’s life. He’s just met a morose woman who asks an inane question. “Geeze,” he thinks, “how can anyone not understand that you sell band turkeys to raise money for the band? Doesn’t the question answer itself? But wait . . . ” And for a moment he stares at the turkey, like the ape in 2001 who has just picked up a femur, and thinks “On a deeper level, what am I selling it for? To help fund a school where the pointless curricula and spiteful, bungling quote-educators-unquote have failed to prepare me for life? To live in a town where I’ll end up like this householder? To continue to wear a secondhand knit cap because I can’t afford anything better?” And slowly the thought comes to him, he wants something better. “Something . . . ” he says, the first twinge in an intellectual effort to define how he wishes to change his life.

    Oh, hell. Some time next week he’ll tell Cody, “Should of said, ‘Selling it for money. Got any?’ Would of wiped the smirk off her face.”

  32. pugfuggly
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#26):

    re: MT

    Stop saying ‘bonefishing’! Especially ‘pleasure bonefishing’! Especially ‘pleasure bonefishinhg’ in reference to Mark Trail and an old man in a cramped fishing boat being rocked gently by the sea!!!!

  33. Milton Friedman
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#3): Reality. Look it up.

  34. KreatureFeatures
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Has anyone noticed the Lockhorns have become empathetic and mutually supportive of each other in the last couple strips? Also, the goody-two shoes in Family Circus are becoming increasingly violent. What’s next? Will Dawn tell Mary Worth to mind her own business? Will the Love Is troll dolls cease their constant groping? Will Mark Trail finally fix that frick’n dock?

  35. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    BB: Ah, so that’s where the attraction comes from.

    H-Cliff: Once again, a porn setup involves the pizza boy, but this time there’s a twist.

    MT: And so it begins. Otto. Mark. A great cat-and-mouse game in which the cat and the mouse are equally lazy and unmotivated.

    MW: As far as Mary is concerned, neither psychosis nor lack of chemistry should be impediments to true love. Aldo who?

    WofI: A word of advice. If you’re serious about appealing to the kids, why don’t you lower the hem of that robe a few inches? Just so there are no misunderstandings.

    Popeye: I’m not sure why this rancher keeps calling Popeye a “city feller.” As far as I can tell, Popeye’s hometown comprises eight cardboard shacks and a rowboat.

    JP: The plot concludes with Sam doing nothing, other than voicing his approval of high-functioning alcoholism. That’s probably enough to justify the six figure check that will be wired to his account.

    GA: Ordinarily I’d say go out and buy a bunch of Hostess products and no one will know the difference. But someone probably beat you to it last week so… Little Debbie?

    DT: In Russia Chicago, gimp fetch you.

    6C: Hey Leatherface clan, does Uncle Frank know he’s the main course?

    PBS: Great, now when I hear a man say that he’s into bears, I’ll have no idea which kind he means.

    FC: Billy doesn’t know exactly what “the vig” is, but he’s pretty sure Jeffy hasn’t been keeping up with it.

    A3G: While his father Harland had been counting on him to take over the family chicken conglomerate, young Ryan Sanders just had to follow his dream to Hollywood.

  36. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#19):

    Phantom: I’m not a Ghost-Who-Walks or anything, but it seems to me that mixing lion tranquilizer in the same cup you use for coffee isn’t the wisest move.

    I believe it’s referred to as “Bangalla roulette.”

  37. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: That’s a grown-up Jeffy Keane perping on the lady, if I’m not mistaken. Or is it Billy that grows the beard? I can never remember. Anyway, you can tell he’s totally evil by the arched eyebrows.

    Apt. 3-G: Ha ha! The characters in this strip are so bland, they even wear old-fashioned pajama tops, just like…moving right along…

    The Family Circus: PJ’s look of abject terror and sadness is probably the funniest part of this panel, and an indication that I’ve been hanging around you creeps for far too long.

    Judge Parker: BRING BACK PEACHES! WE MISS PEACHES!!

    Mary Worth once again walks that fine line between meddling and pimping out grandchildren. She’s found her sweet spot, in other words.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Ginger cops a feel in panel one, and the ladies knock knockers in the second. It is going to be such a come-down when Rex finds the cure to cancer in tomorrow’s lead panel.

    Tiger: I live relatively near a certain town in Wisconsin. Whenever anyone says “Where’s Waldo?” I respond by gut instinct: “About ten miles west of Sheboygan, just below Plymouth.”

  38. The Ghost of Jarrod
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    BB – Too easy. Way, way too easy.

    Luann – Indeed. Can you two just stop talking altogether? Criminy, this makes me wonder how things are going with Gunther and Rosa.

    JP – Okay, I call shenanigans. I know Bubba’s a drug lord, but he’s growing pot, which in the words of Dewy Cox’s bandmate Sam McPherson, is “the cheapest drug there is.” That said, given that he just owns a helicopter and a Picasso and a secret underground lair, he’s probably one of the poorest people this strip has ever featured.

  39. Johnny Q
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    ARCHIE: Savonarola did destroy some valuable art in his bonfires of the “vanities.”

  40. MySpoonIsTooBig
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    9CL- Oh, Brooke. You had a perfectly good punchline with Calvin Coolidge (then again I am easily delighted by references to old presidents), you didn’t need that clunky business with “gibraltar of Herald Tribunes”. You blew it, jerk.

  41. Illustrator Steve
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MT – (Sea gull): “Mark, I think you are safer staying here.”

    (Mark): “WHY argue with a wise old gull? If the fishing stays this good your damn right I’ll stay here like the wise old gull says I should do, at least forty or fifty years I’d say! Besides, it’s much less costly to pay $2,000.000.00 to fish here with Pop in an 8 foot row boat rather than pay the $3,000,000.00 Bill Elliss and I would have had to spend on fuel for that yacht while cruising around in circles all over the Carribean looking for a good bonefish fishing hole to fish for bonefish while all the bonefish I could ever hope for is right here under my nose! Geeesh, WHAT a bonehead that Bill Ellis can be at times! Take your sweet old time, Bill! Ha ha ha ha!”
    (POP): Mark, you’re word balloons are scaring away the bonefish and my poor people have to eat tonight. Stay focused on holding your rod, my man!

  42. Hibbleton
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    JP: alt. story line: Haystacks Buffoon decapitates Avery with the chainsaw while Sam is walled up amontillado style in the mine. Peaches and Bea put their breasts heads together and wipe out the drug gang, blow up the mine, and burn the pot field while rescuing Sam in a delightfully boobilicious fashion.

  43. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    I didn’t comment yesterday on Rex. It was the best RMMD EVER. Tits! Tits! Ass! Tits! Face! Tits! Grope tits! Had enough? No! Here’s some random chick’s tits outside! Woo-Hoo! Oh, and there’s some yet-to-be-shown chick, who, given her advanced stage of illness, will probably not appear quite so perky.

    Once Rex arrives on the scene and cures cancer what are Honey and Ginger going to do for a living?

  44. Illustrator Steve
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    MT – There are so many things in question with this strip…but there is one thing about this strip that is now a fact beyond question. It’s now known as a fact that Mark is wearing khaki colored boxer shorts under those bluejeans!

  45. Austria
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    BB: Oh, come on. This isn’t even subtext anymore, it’s straight-out text.

    FC: AAAAAUUUUGH! JEFFY-PJ HYBRID! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION!!!!

    FW: Call me crazy, but I like this one. Well, I like Llama Hat, first off, who even knows why I do – and I like to think Comic John’s lecture killed off half his brain cells and now he suffers from short-term memory loss.

    MW: “Why not?” says Mary. “You’re single,” says Mary. “You don’t want to be an old maid, do you? That position is already filled,” says Mary. “You MUST date One-Armed Jim. It’s destiny,” says Mary. “Don’t interfere with destiny.”

  46. Droopy Says
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#42): Outstanding scenario, except for the “rescue Sam” part. Couldn’t he, you know, die horribly or something? Preferably in an ironic way, like being crushed under the weight of all the Chekhov’s Unused Clues we’ve seen?

  47. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    JP: Bubba finished harvesting this morning? He only STARTED harvesting this morning. But, given that pot doesn’t grow well in a mountainous forest, I expect that it is a very small crop.

    Luann: Wintry? In San Diego? What does that mean, 65 F?

  48. gnome de blog
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    You don’t have to have style to have a Picasso in your mine shaft. All you need is money. You don’t have to have style to have scotch for breakfast either. Trust me on this one.

  49. Mibbitmaker
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#26): re:FW: Appropriate, given that he’s a stand-in for teen Funky. I’d hate to think what Batty’ll do with neo-Les!

    BC: Whew! For a minute there I thought the Boost Mobile people were back to doing their disturbingly gross ad campaign! I really hated those!

    Heathcliff: That should be “extra chunky”, amIrite, people?

  50. Illustrator Steve
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    MT – “Say, Pop. You want me to do some casting and snag that gull overhead to shut him up?”
    “Good idea, Mark. My people are very poor and a snagged gull would add a nice touch to garnish their bonefish dinner with tonight!”

  51. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Beetle – Just run, Beetle, Throw your shirt on the ground; it might slow him down for a second. I’m not sure, though, that the shower is the place you want to end up in. Or be end-up in, either.

    Slylock remembers last year when Mayor Warthog set out to win the hearts and minds of jellyfish. Lord, what a debacle that was.

    Dick – ACK. Those teeth! Edda Burber has invaded New Chicago! On the bright side, we cn haz horrifying ironic death in a couple weeks?!

  52. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Smirky – Clearly, he’s selling band turkeys to raise money for drugs. If that’s actually frozen, it’s probably been thawed and refrozen — possibly by leaving it outside on a cold night.

    Gil – Bad news, Paddy me bhoyo. They’re not after your lucky charms.

    Hägar prefers to avoid going out on Black Plague Friday.

  53. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff – Inquiring minds don’t really want to know if there’s a hole in the bottom of this pizza box.

    love is… …always three off on the freckle count. [*]

    Marmaduke – We give the colorists (“color monkeys”) a lot of good-natured grief here, but I just want to thank them wholeheartedly for today’s “blue-phemism” in sparing us from knowing whether the unholy mess on the floor is really yellow, red, green, or worse. Also, thanks to whoever substituted the word “laps” for whatever was originally in the caption, without whom I’d be feeling the same bemused horror as poor, long-suffering Winslow, who surely believed that this hellish mutt would have died of old age some time before 1970, and now has pretty much lost his ability to feel more than mild consternation at each ensuing horror from his monstrous devil dog.

  54. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    A3G: You can tell that Greg is destined to be a Hollywood hipster because of his ironic old-man pajamas.

    MT: One guy catches all the fish to feed the island’s inhabitants–with a fishing pole? That’s a pretty big burden to carry—could age someone prematurely. Tomorrow: we learn that “Pop” is actually 27 years old.

    FC: Ah, my favorite (“favorite” constituting a pretty low bar, given the competition) type of Family Circus, in which the Melonheaded demons revert to their true feral states, menacing each other with horrific violence while Mom is distracted passed out. The best parts, of course, are always the reactions; that delicious mix of resignation and terror on those pug-nosed mugs never fails to make me smile.

  55. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Oliphant – Where has Pat Oliphant been for the past 1620 hours and 59 minutes? I did some googling today. Mystery solved, apparently:

    ‘Oliphant named academy resident

    ‘Political cartoonist Pat Oliphant, a Santa Fe resident, has been named a resident of the American Academy in Rome.

    ‘This means he won’t be doing any cartoons for 10 weeks starting Sept. 17. Oliphant’s work frequently is published on the New Mexican’s editorial page.’

    Prickly – I’ll say this. Stantis’s drawings have tightened up some in the last three years. It’s like he cares, or learns as he goes along, or something.

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#37): WE MISS PEACHES!!
    I miss Miss Peach.

  56. Illustrator Steve
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    MT (panel three) “Say! THIS isn’t my fishing line! THIS is RUSTY’S fishing line! See, Pop? You can still see a rotted piece of my ear stuck to the hook from the time Rusty snagged my ear with it the last time I took him fishing back about ten years ago! …humph, and that damn kid wonders WHY I’ve skipped out from fishing with him ever since! …Hey, Pop. Do you think maybe that dryed piece of my ear on the line would attract a few bone fish to start biting? Worth trying, I’d say!”

  57. Your Insect Overlords
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Milton Friedman (#33): Don’t you have some question to beg? What? You don’t want pay $38 to read the article? MOOCHER!

  58. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#44): MT – There are so many things in question with this strip…but there is one thing about this strip that is now a fact beyond question. It’s now known as a fact that Mark is wearing khaki colored boxer shorts under those bluejeans!

    It’s also a fact that Mark was wearing WHITE boxer shorts when he left LoFo.

    Poor “Skidsy” — even the skid marks on his underwear have skid marks.

  59. Illustrator Steve
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    MT – Mark Trail: avid environmentalist, wilderness guide, woods and wildlife writer, self proclaimed crime scene investigator, pilot, canoeist, driver of tall cars, wanderer, clean shaven animal lover and bonefishing enthusiast.

  60. gleeb
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Ha! That link about feckless morons could easily apply to yesterday’s Doonesbury rerun.

  61. bbofun
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#4):”A3G-Oh that’s right. Greg is an actor even though we’ve seen nothing that shows him doing actor things.” So far, he’s boasted about his prospects, hit on anything in a skirt, belittled perceived rivals, overreacted to rejection… I’d say we’ve seen him do PLENTY of actor things. (Note: I’m an actor, I know.)

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#37): “Judge Parker: BRING BACK PEACHES! WE MISS PEACHES!!” Amen and Hallelujah, brother!

    MW- “And you don’t? Why not? Let’s face it, Dawn, your prospects aren’t exactly great. Sure, he only has one arm, and is manically possessive and scared of the water, but beggars can’t be choosers. Take him in, and I will show you how to bend him to your will, as I have with Dr. Cory. We’ll soon have him buying you dinners at the Bumboat, and flying off to help other victims of water tragedies. and, if he gets TOO annoying, my friends will drive him to drink, and we can cut his brake lines. It’ll be fun!”

    Pibgorn- Does Brooke honestly not realize his “troll” character is far more a representation of “the author” than “the critic”? Think about it- he constantly maneuvers his character into different situations, controlling her moves, re-shaping reality to his whim? (Or maybe this is just one massive Freudian slip?)

    Pluggers- Pluggers keep non-anthropomorphic animals as pets? And, more surprisingly, if that truck is his office- pluggers have cellphones?(Or maybe it’s a 60′s-style car phone. Yeah, that seems more likely.)

    RMMD- BOOBIES! And cancer. But still…BOOBIES! (It’s like Funky Winkerbean and Judge Parker had a child!)(Ewwwwwwwww.)

  62. seismic-2
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#38): JP: Furthermore, Bubba grows only a tiny amount of pot (in spite of the number of acres in his spread), since a couple of hillbillies with a chainsaw can not only harvest but also ship out the entire crop in a single morning and finish before breakfast. To support Bubba’s lifestyle on such a meager volume of pot, the small amount that he does sell is apparently able to command an amazing price per ounce on the open market. Folks out in Hollywood obviously pay top dollar to score some of Bubba’s prime Pennsylvania Green! Of course, these are the same folks who authorized Avery to offer a huge sum to option the latest Allan Parker novel, so whatever they’re smoking must be so potent that it’s worth its weight in plutonium.

  63. Spunde
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Archie: Savonarola : art appreciation :: Charles Nelson Reilly : rugby

  64. Illustrator Steve
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    MT – And WHAT, exactly, does Andy do all day long while Pop and Mark are out fishing for the poor villager’s daily meal…wander around a village full of starved villagers who are drooling for their daily meal to walk by?

  65. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Johnny Q (#39): Makes you wonder. Maybe Ms Grundy is the Riverdale town censor, and she’s training her hopeless charges to root out sinful art that must be destroyed in order to preserve moral fiber.

  66. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

  67. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    SM: “That perp’s gonna help me get the word out!”

    Fortunately for Spidey, the perp is editor-in-chief of Garden Gnome Weekly, the publication of choice for gnomes, elves and hobbits worldwide. He trades some ad space for his freedom… wait, doesn’t Peter Parker work for a media mogul? Isn’t he himself in the news industry? Isn’t that the job that he supposedly is in town to do? I don’t get it. Maybe one more shot of Spidey reaching between his legs and “Fwipp!” and I’ll just resign from reading this piece of crap in disgust.

  68. Stroker Ace
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Archie – Miss Grundy is from the future. She actually is Jughead after the semi-successful sex change circa 2040.

  69. Mibbitmaker
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#55): And gocomics had claimed that Oliphant was on “vacation”, after people there (and me) were wondering about it. I haven’t even seen anything on The Daily Cartoonist (last I looked). It was definately odd after fellow editorial cartoonist Don Wright had vanished from existence with no explanation whatsoever not too long before.

  70. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    JP: Maybe Bubba’s pot farm is just a front operation for a far more lucrative career in selling endangered marine life, which is in itself a front operation for trading stolen art, which is in itself a front operation for a snuff film studio. Riddles within riddles.

    Maybe it will be like in Phantasm, where the answer turned out that they were re-animating dead bodies and shrinking them down to dwarf size so they’d have an army of slaves for their diamond mine in another dimension. Ludicrous? No, it’s Judge Parker.

  71. Hibbleton
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#46):
    With Sam out of the way, the adventures of Peaches and Bea would make a good spinoff.

  72. Dartpaw86
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Miss Grundy in panel 1 has dangling earrings, yet in panel 2 and 3 she has round earrings.

    Consistency what’s that!?

  73. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#60): Doonesbury (rerun)

    That cashier had red hair. I thought I saw some on her face…

    Oh, you said “feckless”. I thought you said “freckleless”. My bad.

  74. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#72): And Mrs. Grundy has gone from high buttoned polo to plunging neckline, leading down to … eww.

  75. greghousesgf
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

  76. Mibbitmaker
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    BBlues: The boy’s a regular Dale Gribble there.

    9CL: Brooke made a Thorax strip… funny, and….. clever?! (I actually liked the Gibraltar reference) Still didn’t work, though — the very sight of His Blobbiness’s head still fills me with palpable hate.

    JP: Yeah, the style of an alcoholic and an art thief!

    MW: No massive ammounts of disturbing, vital reasons known to Mary can ever get in the way of TWU LUV! Good reasons not to date that creep being blatantly obvious? DOES… NOT…. COMPUTE……

  77. Dartpaw86
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    http://www.garfield.com/comics/todayscomic.html

    Jon throws a pea at Garfield. That’s the whole joke people…

  78. Dartpaw86
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#74):

    Thank you, my dreams will forever be nightmares.

  79. Dartpaw86
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#74): @hogenmogen (#74):

    I mean if Miss Grundy was a hot sexy teacher in her twenties I can see her doing that, but she’s like 70. Having her shirt open that low is nightmare fuel people.

  80. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Funky / Doonesbury offer up a generation of idiots as characters, due to the general aging of the writers. So kudos to Archie writer ALGU3K (formerly ALGU2K, formerly ALGUK), who has always had general disdain for the ability of teenagers to memorize anything deeper than the weekly TV listings. In this age of Tivo, even that low bar represents a monumental challenge.

  81. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#79): hrmph. That page still exists on TV Tropes, at least.

    that sight isn’t nearly as fun now that the took all the sexy stuff down.

    darn Google Ads and their standards.

  82. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    MW: Meet one-arm-Jim. He’s a posessive, aquaphobic with anger management issues. Dawn is a rebounder, who led Jim on. In the best of times, Dawn is a weepy, self-loathing, mousey-bland homely chick with helmet hair and an overbearing father. Yeah, she and Jim can be the star attractions at a damaged goods sale.

  83. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    BC: Did anyone catch that they don’t actually kill the chickens at the KFC restaurants? How DID that leg get there?

  84. odinthor
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    #43. hogenmogen.

    Once Rex arrives on the scene and cures cancer what are Honey and Ginger going to do for a living?

    They seem particularly well adapted for nursing.

    Now, as to what they’re going to do for a living, …

  85. Dartpaw86
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#81):

    That site is still fun to me, I even added one or two things at some point.

  86. terrapin
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I would like to nominate panel two for Panel of the Year.

    JP: “He has style! He has an awesome man-cave, a cool fish tank, and so what if the product of his pot farm has turned hundreds of teenagers into feckless morons!”

  87. Liam
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff-That was not the pussy that the pizza man was hoping he was going to make a delivery to. How he longs for the Seventies when he could delivery extra sausage to a lonely woman or a sorority house.

    Love Is-This is one is pretty much about sex.

  88. Liam
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    MT-Here on the island, Mark, you can fish all you want and not have to drag along that ape child that lives with you.

  89. terrapin
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#29):Re-RMMD: It helps if you don’t actually read the strip.

  90. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#55):

    I miss Miss Peach.

    I do too, buddy, I do too.

  91. Marc
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#38): RE: Luann- I wouldn’t go that far, but maybe we can check in on the self righteous, token black chick or close lesbian Bernice for a little while.

  92. Hibbleton
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    FC: PJ’s about to eat a knuckle sandwich. Good times!

    Hi & Lois: Now we know where Ditto gets his dickedness from.

    Close to Home: In fifteen years, first time I’ve ever laughed at this comic. C to H one, FW zero.

  93. Illustrator Steve
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    MT – “I guess Otto knows I wouldn’t get too far if I tried to escape!”
    “I’m sure you are right, Mark, especially since the border line of our poor island is only another five feet past this boat. See? it’s marked by that black line floating on the surface of the water. Otto is right that you wouldn’t get too far because all you would have to do is swim five feet to safety, which is not too far a swim for a strong well fed American like yourself. Our poor starving villagers would never have the strength to swim that far to catch you! Besides, those US Coast Guard gun boats that have been circling our border would make sure that you wouldn’t get too far, they’d snatch you out of the water in seconds!”
    “But, Pop. WHAT if I want to stay?”
    “THAT, my boy, will cost you another $2,000,000.00!”

  94. A different JD
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Somebody hear a “joke” in this strip as funny? Imagine that!

  95. A different JD
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, should have read:

    Blondie: Somebody not hear a “joke” in this strip as funny? Imagine that!

  96. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#87):

    Too bad there isn’t a way to add some “bow chicka bow wow” mood music (or in Heathcliff’s case, the cheesy sound of “meow chicka meow meow”).

  97. Illustrator Steve
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    MT – “I guess Otto knows I wouldn’t get too far if I tried to escape!”
    “I’m sure you are right, Senor Mark. Especially since Otto intercepted that message from Woods and Wildlife magazine requesting that your Government order all of it’s search and rescue units a, SHOOT ON SITE – DO NOT RESUSCITATE!, kill order for you!”

  98. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#69): Rule number one of Vacationing Political Cartoonist Club…

  99. Illustrator Steve
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    (Correction): SHOOT ON SIGHT, not SHOOT ON SITE. That is, unless they sight Mark at the site and shoot him while he’s there on site. Unless….oh, forget it!

  100. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Another thing I’m glad of is that we aren’t all deranged, superstitious numerologists here, or whenever we get up in the high 90s, everybody’d be making frivolous little content-free comments, hoping for #100, and saying, “Aw, darn! #99 again!” and stuff like that.

  101. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I thought I was going to be #99.

  102. Sparkle Plenty
    November 19th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    MT: If they have to fish for dinner, what was that big plate of stuff Mark was feeding Andy the other day? (Fish guts?)

    And, back at Lost Forest, why was Cherry so flabbergasted at the kidnapping of Mark? She had just carelessly allowed Rusty to be kidnapped.

  103. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sparkle Plenty (#102): Because Cherry thought she was next on the Kidnapping Rotation. (Poor Doc, though—even Sassy gets ‘napped more than he does!)

  104. Illustrator Steve
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    MT – I’m scheduled to have my very first colonoscopy tomorrow and would like to extend an open invitation for Jack Elrod and Mark Trail to attend. I figure they would want to watch the entire procedure close up because….(wait for it)…..IT WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY! Besides, afterwards they could serve as my required driver by giving me a ride back home in their canoe! Oh, darn….the letter to me from the Gastroenterology department states that the driver must be a responsible adult!

  105. Jamus The Bartender
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    FC: “….thank you Mommy…..Now. You’re gonna feel a sting of pride. FUCK PRIDE. Your ass goes down in the fifth. Say it, Jeffy !!”

    Sally Forth: Okay. Sally and Ted manage to get Hilary in the car and on the road at four am? That’s impressive shit. I had no idea Sally and Ted were CIA.

    Rex Morgan MD: Why is it when Funky’s cast talk about cancer, it’s not as interesting as this? Damn, those girls are fine.

  106. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#43):

    RE: Yesterday’s RMMD -

    “Our invitation is lit up … and it’s because of you and Dr. Rex.!”

    Yes, of course. A bunch of out-of-work strippers in swimwear looking for creative ways to raise money … what a bummer of a party. But an opportunity to see the man who was on the local TV news because he gave CPR to an old lady? Now THAT is a par-TAY!!

    These Wilson strips should take a clue from the popularity of “Garfield without Garfield”. This plot, minus Rex, would be pretty interesting, at least to look at. But the constant need to have the main character show up and be wildly popular for doing essentially nothing brings down the whole scene. Less of the titular character, and more of the characters with tits!!

  107. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#26):

    So Mark is enjoying a business trip consisting of pleasure bonefishing on a tropical island, free to lounge about in his spare time. Wasn’t that the EXACT point of his vacation?

    And on the plus side, he doesn’t have to endure the company of that annoying nebbishy editor Bill Ellis.

  108. Anonymous
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#56): MT – “Hey, Pop, do you think maybe that dryed piece of my ear on the line would attract a few bonefish and get them to start biting?”

    (POP) “Well, you know the old saying, Mark. Give a bonefish a piece of your ear and the next thing you know they’ll want the whole enchilada!”

    (Mark) “mmm, ENCHILADA’S sound good!”

  109. Jamus The Bartender
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Oh. My. God. Time to leave town…..

  110. Chip Whittle
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @The Grandstander (#23):

    When you think that Mark Trail just can’t get any more stupid, this story arc comes along.

    Every time you think Mark Trail can’t get any more stupid, along comes the next day’s strip.

  111. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#105): I see what you did there.

    *applaz*

  112. Here come the Judge
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Rex Morgan is making a move to unseat Judge Parker in the intra-comics Chest-Off. Which is ironic, since the same guy writes both strips.

    Of course, I’m not sure any strip will ever be able to knockBlondie off the top of the mountain, at least in that department…

  113. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#96):

    Is it even possible to reply to this without being crude?

    //hm. i guess so but it is what I didn’t write that is showing restraint….

  114. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    FC— The black-and-white version in my newspaper makes it appear that Billy is punching out hapless little P.J. The result: For the very first time in my life, I laughed out loud at a Family Circus strip. Does that make me a bad person? (Don’t answer that!)

  115. This Guy
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    If a female cat orders in a tom for sex, can she specify “extra penis spines”?

  116. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#45):

    FW: Call me crazy, but I like this one. Well, I like Llama Hat, first off, who even knows why I do –

    Yeah, I’m leaning that way, too, because, so far, Owen is the only character in FW that doesn’t smirk. He is probably an alien.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#54):

    A3G: You can tell that Greg is destined to be a Hollywood hipster because of his ironic old-man pajamas.

    Yes, which explains exactly why Ryan didn’t ask, “So, Greg, what are you wearing?”

  117. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#112): Of course, I’m not sure any strip will ever be able to knock Blondie off the top of the mountain, at least in that department…

    Blondie is the… oh, you know.

  118. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro— Today’s guest artist, Frank Bolle.

  119. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#115): The COTW nominations are now closed.

  120. Alice
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#91): Yeah, about Bernice: why is it that she used to have full-fledged arcs of her own, but for the last couple of years at least has been relegated to occasional Sunday strips, in which her only function is basically to tell Luann “LOL ur stupid?”

    I’d ask about Delta’s near-disappearance as well, were it not that, as you say, she’s only ever been a token minority character. Maybe, with Rosa’s introduction, Evans figured, “Eh. One minority at a time is enough, especially if I can ship-tease the readers by sort-of-pairing her with America’s favourite Nice Guy.™”

  121. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    MW In a normal world, Dawn’s expression in panel 2 would be the lead-in to her calling Mary out for spurning Dr. Jeff’s romantic intentions. But I suspect the old harpy will pressure Dawn into a relationship with that psycho aqua-not, Jim.

    Luann I’d like to believe that Quill will dump Luann and get this silly mess over, but somehow I am prepared for disappointment.

    Crankedshaft Oh, boy! Two days of malaprops and puns about Crankshaft killing a turkey. I bet he uses the riding mower.

    MT The plot turns – Mark decides to stay on the island and challenge Otto for leadership. I can’t wait to see Mark with a bandolier and a Che-beret!

  122. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#101):

    I thought I was going to be #99.

    No, that’s still Barbara Feldon.

  123. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    FC @KreatureFeatures (#34):

    Also, the goody-two shoes in Family Circus are becoming increasingly violent.

    Yes, I’ve noticed. Probably just seasonal build-up to a traditional Christmas fratricide.

  124. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Hagar: Haw haw! Yet another Hagar where he says something innocuous for today’s era, but then we realize that Hagar is a Viking! Haw haw! That hilarious Hagar! Do more of those jokes!! And more! And MORE!

    Arrows hanging in mid air fired from – where? A bowman with an empty string who is making a fist? I really love the attention to detail, Mort Walker. And your historical knowledge of the Viking period is as outstanding as Jughead Jones’ knowledge of Italian art.

  125. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#113): I appreciate the restraint you showed on my Heathcliff comments. I’ll return the favor by not discussing the suspicious white fluid
    Miss Grundy coaxed out of Mr. Flutesnoot in panel three of today’s Archie.

  126. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

  127. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    MT: We see Mark kidnapped but allowed to roam the beach community, and we think “Yeah, like this isn’t a better vacation than catching bonefish with his boss.”

    Friday’s strip revealed that Mark is really in silent agony. He’s in a torment of this new island of moral ambiguity! “I JUST DON’T KNOW WHO TO PUNCH ANYMORE!!”

  128. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#106): It’s true. I’d be allowed to go if I told my wife that I was going to see a doctor give a presentation on CPR. But how would this sound? “Honey, a couple of strippers are throwing a beer party down on the beach. It’s for .. uh.. charity or something… Don’t wait up.”

  129. Anonymous
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#125): The word ‘coaxed’ makes this seem even dirtier.

  130. hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Greg (#25): “…is it even possible to get a coffe cup tilted to one’s mouth when you have a nose two feet long?”

    Maybe the spit-take in the last panel isn’t because Flutensnoot thinks anything is funny, maybe he dunked his schnozz four inches deep into scalding coffee. It’s certainly not the joke. Certainly not.

  131. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#125):

    The mere mention of roller derby racers can make a man’s mind go off track.

  132. Liam
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    FW-This is a turkey? Then where is the baby I’m supposed to be selling.

    Crankshaft-I wish that was a vulture.

    MW-”Dawn, you need to get yourself a man soon because it will be a while before we get back around to your life and you don’t want to be an old maid when we do.”

  133. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    The Beardy dude from 11/15 in MT (panel 2) reminds me a very mediocre drawing of Styx bassist Chuck Panozzo in the 1970′s. Just had to get that out there.

    Come sail away with me, lads!

    For bearing with my Kesey-esque stream of consciousness mode today, I give you a fantastic recipe for fish and chips. I don’t think there are any potatoes on Otto’s island, however. Maybe our long-lost leader Chennux can find some.
    A mini-master class by MPW. Yum. Safe for work except for Marco’s wild hair.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXwgl6E2nUs

  134. Horace Broon
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Yes, it’s time everyone in Las Vegas knew that Spider-Man arrived in town at about the same time as Peter Parker.

    DT: I confidently expect future strips to contain arch comments about how this black-clad fish-themed villain only took up thieving on land to avoid a certain aquatic man in orange scale mail.

    HtH Hagar wants to pick up the hot new toy this Jultide, the bow and arrow that warps space so the arrows start their trajectory from a couple of feet in front of the bow.

    JP: “So … um … what happened about the multitude of crimes we were going to confront him about?”

  135. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Are you all just funnin’ with that long-nosed Archie character’s name or is his name really “Flutensnoot”?

    Archie characters’ surnames are usually just odd and aren’t exactly describing character traits, right? They aren’t that Dickensian, are they?

    Though that does bring up the possibility that if Flutensnoot is his name, perhaps panel three is missing a sound effect as it blows.

    And, it certainly makes more sense that the unfortunately, or aptly, named Miss Grundy probably enjoys the company of the man. He’s probably a good listener who always seems interested.
    ….
    Good Lord! Why did they have a close-up of his nose with Grundy in frame? I thought the suggestive stuff was just in the old comic books. You know: the shower scenes.

  136. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#135):

    When his nose blows does it play Jethro Tull’s “Thick as a Brick”?

  137. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#136):

    Does he blow his nose and prance about on stage wearing Renaissance costumes, including a floppy hat with a plume?

  138. Mustang
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    BB -The stench marks and the “SNIFFS” and the happy dancy Sarge feet marks are sickening enough, but what the hell is that drip below his awful little hairs? Is it drool? Sweat? Snot? Sweaty drool? Drooly snot? Ugh.

  139. I speak Jive
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    MW – Did Mary amputate her right arm in sympathy with Jim? How else to explain the disembodied hand holding her plate in the second panel?

    FW – OK, this is a picayune complaint, but… in real life, wouldn’t the band boosters take orders for the turkeys beforehand, and then deliver them? Taking orders would give them an exact number of how many turkeys were needed, plus it would be much more efficient than dragging around a bunch of frozen turkeys. I know that I would not want to buy a frozen turkey that has been lugged around all day at unsafe temperatures. Another fine example of Batiuk research.

    @Illustrator Steve (#104): The prep is the worst part! The actual test isn’t bad.

  140. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#137):

    Do the female teachers form a line and follow behind him, dancing and jangling tambourines while entranced by his enchanting nose blowing?

  141. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#140):

    Is the Magic Flutensnoot Revival an annual event or a prelude to the weekends?

  142. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#136): When his nose blows does it play Jethro Tull’s “Thick as a Brick”?

    It used to, but after doing that for too long, becoming almost a parody of itself, it stopped working because it was baroque.

  143. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#139): re FW turkeys — I think this is part of the joke… including Harry at one point having a room full of turkeys leftover to be refrozen and sold then next year.

    If so, it is a joke I can actually sympathize with. My church once bought a large amount of hamburger and hotdogs for one of our summer VBS get-togethers. Of course we didn’t use them all, so into the deep-freeze they went until the next celebration, BBQ, VBS, whatever. Those burgers lasted 3.5(!!!) years, and nobody believed it when we actually ran out (we tried sending people to the store, and at least 10 people went to the deep-freeze instead, expecting the burger-fairy to drop some off for them). Even today, 3 years after they ran out, somebody will non-ironically ask “Don’t we have some burgers left over from VBS in the freezer we could use for ?”

  144. This Guy
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#139): [FW] Of course, this likely wouldn’t bother us in a gag strip, but when it comes to a SERIOUS and REALISTIC comic (oh, so sorry for my hidebound literalism) strip like Funky, we must hew to a higher standard.

  145. Dale
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    FUNKY

    Why would anyone, other than a relative, order a Thanksgiving turkey from a band memeber?
    Owen isn’t taking orders; he has the product in his bare hands. If it’s that warm, you don’t want it, except maybe to kill the neighbor’s dog.

  146. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142):

    That schnoz is the gift that keeps on giving.

    Happy Holidays, from Archie Comics!

  147. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#135): It’s a little known fact that Mr. Flutesnoot was in the original Broadway production of “The Nose Blows at Midnight”!

  148. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#147):

    Now, see, I heard he starred in the naughty version of “Horatio Hornblower”.

    toot toooot.

  149. I speak Jive
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#143): It sounds like you got your money’s worth out of those burgers and hot dogs. My complaint about FW is related to food safety – I am very squeamish when it comes to temperature and uncooked or frozen meat. Carrying frozen turkeys around all day at non-frozen temperatures can’t be safe.
    But maybe I am just using any excuse to pick apart this strip, which I loathe.

  150. Dale
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#139): @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#143):

    Oops. I was typing 145 when the count was 132.
    It really isn’t a picayune issue. For humor consideration, how would a large outbreak of food poisoning compare with isolated cases of cancer and dismemberment?

  151. ArchieNemesis
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#135): When he first appeared in Archie, Flutensnoot’s name was Fluteweed. It was later changed, presumably during a less weed-tolerant era. Characters whose names have described their attributes include Moose, Miss Haggly, Malcolm Meeks, Fangs Fogarty, Cricket O’Dell, Lottie Little, Mayor Glibb, Feebly Twins, and Bubbles McBounce.

  152. exapno
    November 19th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#112):

    That’s mountainS

  153. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#135):
    His name really is Flutesnoot. I don’t remember his first name, though, if it was ever mentioned.

  154. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#145): It’s possible that Owen is schlepping the floor model, if you will, from door to door. It’s not the bird his prospective sales will be ordering, but gives them an idea of the size.

    Yes, I know that it would be more sensible and appealing to show them a picture of a cooked turkey. I said it was possible, not that it made sense.

  155. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#145):
    One of the schools around here sell boxes of Florida grapefruit during the winter.
    They don’t cart the fruits around; they come to the door; ask; we pay; the kids take an order, and the fruit is delivered a few weeks later. I guess they order a truckload from an orchard down South.

    (Sorry, Poteet, foir mentioning the band turkeys yesterday – I’ll take the blame for their resurgence today.) : P

  156. Liam
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-Run Beetle, Sarge will want to eat you or fuck you. Either way it won’t be pretty.

  157. Anonymous
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#153): His first name is Professor.

  158. Iconoclast
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Wait a minute, that’s not Heathcliff’s girlfriend Sonja, that’s his stalker Crazy Shirley. Normally, Heathcliff does his best to run as far away as possible from her. What’s going on in that panel?

  159. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Iconoclast (#158):

    Presumably, she is paying for him to be delivered, and most likely, she expects him to deliver.

    I’m not sure if Heathcliff has scruples.

  160. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#151): Well, there’s the time Fluteweed/Flutesnoot gave Archie some LSD:

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6cv7yPbgF1qbblvjo1_250.jpg

  161. seismic-2
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#151): Another descriptive name (or nickname) is that of Moose’s diminutive girlfriend Midge (for “midget”) Klump. Dilton Doiley is rather – uh – “delicate”, too. In these more nearly politically correct times, however, the classic character “Big Ethel” has now become just “Ethel Muggs”. She’s even had her teeth straightened, so the “Muggs” part isn’t really apropos any longer, either. Witness the transformation.

    As I’ve mentioned before, the much-feared huge and quick-tempered character whom we all call “Moose” is in fact legally known as “Marmaduke Merton Mason”. To ‘Mudges, this name of course connotes an even more terrifying image than does “Moose”.

  162. Liam
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    MT-It doesn’t take much to get Mark to follow you. Offer him a nice place to fish and no Rusty to bother him and he is yours.

  163. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#161):
    Oh my goodness, Ethel now looks like Melissa Etheridge’s current gf Linda Wallem (creator of “Nurse Jackie”).

    Did Little Lotta go to Weight Watchers too, or was she on “The Biggest Loser”, perhaps?

  164. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#161):
    So Moose is part Great Dane! Cool.

  165. S. Stout
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#120): Bernice and Delta are rarely featured because they can’t be shipped with anyone. Well, they could be with each other, but Evans never does anything even semi-risky.

  166. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#156):
    “Maybe he wants to do me, then kill me.”

  167. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#163): And what ever happened to “little” Herbie Popnecker?

    http://blogs.citypages.com/amadzine/herbie.jpg

  168. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#162):
    I will follow you
    Will you follow me
    With the fish and the fights
    That we know there will be

  169. Chyron HR
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#151): You have, of course, omitted the most obvious one: Sabrina Theteeenagewitch.

  170. Anonymous
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#139): “The prep is the worst part! The actual test isn’t bad.”

    Then I invite Jackelrod and Mark to join me in consuming this wonderful colonoscopy prep solution. They would have to admit….IT WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY!

    …By the way, thanks for the heads up!

  171. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#167):
    Never heard of him! Interesting fellow, or so it seems.

  172. Baka Gaijin
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#156): This is the Twenty-first Century. Sarge can have his Beetle and eat it too!

  173. Uncle Lumpy
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Little-known fact: Mr. Flutesnoot’s country cousin is Mr. Flautsnout.

  174. seismic-2
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#167): I believe Herbie went undercover after JFK put him in charge of the Bay of Bonefish invasion to rescue Mark Trail: Operation Pancakes.

  175. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#104):
    The procedure doesn’t hurt, and you’ll probably be a little high from the short-acting drug(s) they’ll administer. After my procedure I took a nice 10-15 minute snooze and then my gf was there, saying “It’s ok for us to go now.”
    It is actually really interesting to see one’s colon via butt-cam. I know, we make all these butt jokes but in the end (!) it’s just the southern end of the GI system.
    Personal prep advice – don’t watch TV or certain movies while you are fasting – too many food ads, programs, references.
    You’ll be fine! : D

  176. bats :[
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

  177. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#149): Don’t worry — food poisoning wouldn’t hurt a Batiuk character one bit (unless it induces cancer, of course).

    Besides, they all eat at Montini’s anyway, which should inoculate one from all sorts of food-borne illnesses. (This wasn’t true back when Tony ran the show, but since he retired and sober Funky took over day-to-day management there have been some “cutbacks”.)

  178. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#155): It seems to me that a case of grapefruit that would be purchased on a whim and wanted for fairly immediate consumption. I mean, if a band kid sold me fruit with the promise that it would arrive in six weeks, I’d probably change my mind.

  179. seismic-2
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    I think the Westview band has both a turkey sale and a candy sale every year to buy new uniforms to replace the ones that get ruined annually in the Battle of the Bands monsoon. The instruments get all rusty, too, but considering the musical aptitude and Owen and his ilk, that’s a blessing.

  180. Droopy Says
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Soon Batiuk will reveal why Asshat isn’t funny. It’s because he suffers from Batiukitis, a form of autism in which the victim has no sense of humor. Won’t we all look foolish then, having mocked a disabled character! Our embarrassment will force us to laugh merrily each time Asshat appears, all the better to encourage him in his struggle to do something funny.

  181. Alison
    November 19th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    “Funky”: I know the purpose of this strip is to make the teenager look like an idiot, but the woman at the door looks like a bigger idiot. Seriously, lady, getting your kicks out of trying to embarrass a stoned kid hauling frozen turkeys door-to-door is just sad. Just say “No thanks, I don’t want any” and close your door, already.

    “Mary Worth”: Doesn’t Dawn have any friends her own age she can discuss Jim with? Why does she always run to Mary Worth about her love life? Wouldn’t it be more likely she’d be calling up, I dunno, Ashley or Jessica or whoever to bitch about Jim so they could say, “What a jerk! Forget him, Dawn!” Surely that would be more satisfying (and helpful) to Dawn than some old biddy snootily saying Dawn should give an aggressive lunatic another chance.

    I actually feel almost bad criticizing Dawn for this since I am not sociable myself (I have Asperger’s, which I’ve mentioned here before due to that asinine “Gil Thorp” arc about the Aspie kid who is magically cured of his condition by joining the basketball team), but I think it’s fair because Dawn is supposedly a “typical” teen girl. “Typical” teen girls have lots of friends to gab to, from what I’ve seen. They don’t need random old ladies.

  182. Chareth Cutestory
    November 19th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Milton Friedman (#33): “If he acts to reduce the returns of his enterprise in order to exercise his ‘social responsibility,’ he is spending his own money, not someone else’s. If he wishes to spend his money on such purposes, that is his right, and I cannot see that there is any ob­jection to his doing so. In the process, he, too, may impose costs on employees and cus­tomers.”

    Well, there you have it–words written by a man in 1970 have put me in my place. Some things are just timeless and classic. A man of $600 million net worth who just gave away 2 million of his company’s product for free still needs to look for prickish ways to fulfill his fiduciary duty, since looking out for his human workforce is just too costly. Thanks for telling me about reality, though!

  183. Calico
    November 19th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#178):
    Ah, it’s all relative.
    We get the loot in about 3 weeks after placing the order. Hopefully salmonella free.

  184. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    OK.
    B.C.

    GMO?

    Are they making fun of Genetically Modified Oh….

    What the heck does GMO stand for? I thought the O was for “Organic”.
    But, if that is the case then the first two don’t make sense unless it is manufactured by a car company….

    let’s see. let me look this up.

    I see now.

    Hmm… turkey’s aren’t bright, despite what Ben Franklin believed.

    A three legged turkey for Thanksgiving would quell many potential arguments. It would also feed a little bit more. Now, if someone were to shoot it and discover that the bird did not have three legs, bonus. Then they can be as dumb as I am and not know what GMO means and just enjoy a Turkey dinner.

    Oh, B.C.. Why must you vex me with your highbrow humor?

  185. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#167):

    Next you are gonna tell me that there was a character named Puddy Puddinpimper.

    When that happens then I will have seen everything.

    //now that a fake three legged turkey is scratched off my WTF ucket list.

  186. cheech wizard
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    JP – Bea’s suddenly perky boobs show she has now been absorbed into the Parker collective, and is now one of the “good guys.” Meanwhile, Bubba is revealed to have always been an insider as his private helicopter indicates. Guess that leaves Adam to shovel up the horse shit. Hey, we can’t all be Parkers, hillbilly boy.

  187. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#184): Turkeys, at the time of the US Revolution, were probably the smartest birds on the planet. Modern turkeys, however, are dumber than rocks.

  188. cheech wizard
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#187): Commercial turkeys are. Truly wild turkeys, though, are still pretty sharp.

  189. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#187):

    Even at that time surely Ostriches would score highest on a Thigh Queue test.

    Unless Franklin trained a turkey to gobble on command and to prepared to be gobbled by sticking its neck out on a stump, I don’t know how it could be said that sparrows, eagles, macaws, cardinals and the like were dumber than any other bird.

    Now, Foghorn Leghorn…I say, I say…Foghorn is a smart fella.

  190. Dale
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#181):

    FUNKY

    I wouldn’t bet that everyone knows what a “band turkey” is.
    Surely they have some canned sales pitch that explains what they’re doing.
    My response would begin with “What?” If the kid looked like Owen, I’d definitely follow with a bunch of abuse.

  191. Fat Bass Turd
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#187): Those turkeys were really smart. You didn’t see any of them fighting the war. They took odds.

  192. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#188):

    Until I see one tutoring algebra, I say that they probably not that smart.

    If by smart, you mean survivors, maybe. They might be cautious. That I can see.

    I get that they are probably the most big ornate bird you will find around some parts. It is like this continent’s peacock or something.

  193. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#185):

    You scoff, but really, is a character named “Herbie Popnecker” more unlikely than a character who goes by the name of “Funky Winkerbean”? And unlikely or not, Herbie was a big (pun intended) part of my comic book-obsessed childhood:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbie_Popnecker

  194. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    It’s been a while since I’ve taken a look at the whole local comics page. Today I noticed an addition they’ve made, called “Thatababy”. Apparently, someone looked at Marvin, said, “I could do that!”, discovered they in fact could not, and sent it to the syndicate anyway.

  195. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#181):

    Doesn’t Dawn have any friends her own age she can discuss Jim with?

    Well, now that you mention it. . . .

    “. . . and then he, like, ran off.”
    “Because you don’t want to be his girlfriend.”
    “Um, yeah, I guess.”
    “So, you were supposed to be all, like, ‘Oh Jim, we’ve gone out on 3 dates! I will love you forever!’”
    “No, ‘I will love you like your dead sister!’”
    “‘I will love you forever like your dead sister who is dead forever!’”
    “You guys are mean. I mean, I feel, like, bad and all. I tried to call him and—”
    “You called him? Why?”
    “You know, I felt bad. I thought we could be, like, friends.”
    “Dawn, the guy’s a psycho.”
    “A sister-lovin’, one-armed psycho.”
    “That’s the best kind.”
    “Seriously. Dawn, as Dan would say, dump the motherfucker already!”

  196. Poteet
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    ARCHIE — I’m pretty sure Savonarola was the religious fanatic who convinced Botticelli that he should destroy some of his own paintings, so as far as I’m concerned, ARCHIE is way too good for Savonarola. He deserves to show up in GA, FW, or *shudder* 9CL.

  197. Uncle Lumpy
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#195):

    (sigh) “Dan used to dump me!

  198. Poteet
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#195): Thank you!! I was hoping you’d feel inspired…

  199. Poteet
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#155): That’s okay. I understand that you folks with psychic abilities can’t always control them…

  200. Liam
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    FW-Quick go with the line about how you’re selling turkeys so you’re sports team can buy equipment so you can stay off the drugs.

  201. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 19th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#122): No, she was “Agent 99″ or just “99″ in tender moments. If you want a #99 from fiction, it’s probably the sad-looking guy who has to clean up after Rover on the island where The Prisoner took place.

    @tallyHO (#135): It’s “Flutesnoot.” Two syllables, no n between.

    @Calico (#153): I don’t remember his first name, though, if it was ever mentioned.
    If he was a Don Martin character, his first name should be Fleetsneet, and he’d have a middle initial like P.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#167): And what ever happened to “little” Herbie Popnecker?
    A diligent searcher can find every issue of the ACG title scanned and online. In 1984, I had a few moments with Marv Wolfman, and I knew he had been a Herbie fan (he was the third-place winner in a contest for stories from readers), so I asked him why DC wasn’t doing Herbie, and he told me that the legal status was unknowable, short of publishing an issue and seeing who sued. I asked about Ogden Whitney, and he said Whitney was still alive, but not in shape to draw any more. I asked about Shane O’Shea, and he told me about Richard Hughes, the man who was ACG. He (at the time of Herbie) wrote all the titles under a variety of names (Greg Olivetti was named for his typewriter), edited all the titles, and wrote many of the letters to the editor. It was a most educational conversation.

    I always wanted to see a version of WATCHMEN with ACG heroes. Magicman as Dr. Manhattan, Nemesis as Nite Owl, and Herbie/Fat Fury as Rorschach. The last-named was the indispensable part of the whole thing, because they talk the same. I suppose other heroes would have to be drummed up from the ACG archives (or just made up) to make the whole thing work.

    @Calico (#175): I asked for a peek when they were doing endoscopy, many years ago, and they let me look for a moment. When I went back for sigmoidoscopy, they had two eyepieces and I got to look at the whole procedure. Last time I had to have a scope in me, they knocked me out, and I didn’t even get to look at the monitor before it all went away, and of course they didn’t record it for me.

  202. Sgt. Stoned
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    BB: Squeal like a pork chop, Bailey.

    MW: “Why not? Because he’s only got one fucking arm, that’s why!” Note to Jim: For a good time call Nora Levrenson 1-900-I FUCK ANYBODY.

    MT: Good fishing. Nobody pressuring him for sex. I think Mark found Paradise.

  203. un malpaso
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    Little late to the party here… blame the turkey endorphins.

    So I guess Heathcliff’s girlfriend gets off on fantasies of having sex with a pizza? As I suspect of many males other than myself, that’s a fantasy I could get behind.

    And obviously Sarge would agree, too. Although his food-loving fantasy apparently leans toward the already eaten. Sloppy seconds, anyone?

    I guess, with Thanksgiving binge-season upon us, the comics have even less shame than usual.

  204. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#201): Thanks for the info on the American Comics Group. One correction: the Wikipedia entry on artist Ogden Whitney says he died in the “early 1970s,” so Marv Wolfman’s comment OW “wasn’t in shape to draw any more” is accurate. The part about OW being alive in 1984 is not.

  205. Zerowolf
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    JP: Only in the Parker-Driver-Spencer-verse can one go on a fishing trip and bring home a goldmine and a Picasso.

  206. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#201):

    It’s “Flutesnoot.” Two syllables, no n between.

    Well, that changes everything. It is a Flutesnoot is a perfectly fine na….

    Waitasecond. Flutesnoot. FLUTEsnoot? Why is that name so familiar?

    Nah. Forget it. I was confusing him with Fruit Brute

    Oh well. Flutesnoot it is then.

    I’m tapped on puns and jokes about him. It would be kind of funny if he would utter the line:
    The Schnozzle is in the Hizzle!

  207. Peanut Gallery
    November 19th, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @un malpaso (#203):

    fantasies of having sex with a pizza?

    Dagwood is way ahead of you.

  208. GrafSpee
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @MySpoonIsTooBig (#40): Nice reference to Rejected.

  209. Fat Bass Turd
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

  210. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Fat Bass Turd (#209):

    awwww yeah.

    Flute Snoot throwing down the mad house beats!

    Which brings up a point which should be made.

    ahem…

    Given that this is so close to Thanksgiving in America and Canamerica, it would be good to keep in mind that there are people falling off of turnip trucks everywhere in continental North America. This holiday season, keep these people in mind:
    throw ‘em some mad beets!

    This message has been brought to you by the Hootin’ Holler Hunger Hounds.
    The HHHH. Unsuccessfully interacting with turnip trucks for far too long

  211. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#197): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#195):

    Dan used to say things like, “Dump the motherfucker already!” (Or was that the other Dan?)

  212. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#201): And where would a diligent searcher begin…?

  213. CanuckDownSouth
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#210): huh? Yanksgiving is imminent, but we had out harvest-thanks festival over a month ago. When, y’know, it’s harvest time. We’re funny that way :)

  214. CanuckDownSouth
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    *our* darn it

  215. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#213): I blame Illinois. They probably didn’t have anything to do with it, but I *am* from Wisconsin.

  216. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    OK. I’m catching up on the comics not featured here today.

    Hi&Lois: Man, Hi should stop boozing and reading the newspaper. Any news he’s told will just make him start seething. Just look at him.

    Apt.3G: Good news at 4 AM. I”ll cut the hipster director some slack and say he’s in a different time zone and his good news is not a double-booty call* (though, I’m sure the news will be that production is headed to NYC and somehow the plotz thickens).

    Blondie: Dagwood: “Don’t you know a holiday hummer when you feel it?”

    Dennis the Menace: Beans, beans, accompanying Flutesnoot; the more eaten, the more Flutesnoot toots!

    Family Circus: Indeed! Watch one of them end up in the dryer, with the dog. NOT ME! IDA KNOW! Mommy! Daddy! Who are these people and where are they taking me?

    Slylock, What the Fox!?! If Jellyfish have no hearts and no brains…then…then…is Ziggy still classified as Ziggy Jellyfino?

    *that would be a score, g!

  217. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#213):

    You progressive so and sos! It is enough as is that you get two official days to eat before Boxcar Willy Day, and Christmas. But, to think that you give thanks two months in a row! Why if I were not seceding from this keyboard soon, I’d…I’d…I’d….
    move to Canada for its fine cold beverages and its sampling of doughnuts. I hear maple is delicious.

    So when Canamerican’s carve the doughurkey, what do you do with the hole? Who gets that?

  218. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#216):
    Blondie: Dagwood: “Don’t you know a holiday hummer when you feel it?”

    Mr Dithers:
    “Dagwood, you aren’t sucking on that bread stick I dropped earlier, are you?”

    Dagwood:
    “murfa mooble! Bleeech! Spit!
    Aw, gee. Sorry, boss. I thought you had doubled up on the viagra!”

  219. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    maryworth Man, if Mary starts spouting about Free Love and how uptight Dawn is, then that is proof positive she’s behind this stalker shenanigans!

    “Girlfriend, you ain’t jumpin on that action? What more does a playa gotta do to loosen up your battened down hatches, girl!?
    “I sunk two, not one but two sea vessels to get you some action and this is how you thank me?

    “Talk to bland lookin’ dessert, girl! You dead to me!”

  220. tallyHO
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    dicktracy
    The Black Piranha. Her fin of shark is worse than her bite.

  221. Fat Bass Turd
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

  222. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#204): Ogden Whitney died in the early 70s? Huh. I could have looked that up at any time, I guess. Thanks for the info! I wonder whether Wolfman said something entirely different and I took it wrong. Probably never know now. Well, there was a lot going on at that con.

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#212): And where would a diligent researcher begin…?
    Well, here would be a good place. (And if this guy’s blog doesn’t have enough goodies for you, check out his blogroll! I’ll recommend “Hooray for Wally Wood” for starters.)

  223. un malpaso
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#207): Ho. Lee. Crap. OK, I should have expected that… but it’s still quite disturbing.
    Plus, it makes me wonder just what Garfield has been up to with the lasagna for all these decades….

  224. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    @Fat Bass Turd (#221):

    I live near a lake named Bass Lake (true story). Do you know what’s on the bottom of it? BassTurds!

    // *rim shot* Week, waitress, veal….

  225. Alison
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#195):
    HELL YES to that whole conversation.

    It’s probably a sad truth that even if Dawn had friends her own age to tell her to dump Jim she’d still go back to Jim since her emotions are totally screwy and she has a weird guilt complex on top of it.

    Dawn = hopeless.

  226. Fat Bass Turd
    November 19th, 2012 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

  227. Calico
    November 20th, 2012 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    @Alison (#225):
    MW has become “The dysfunctional Dawn show.”

  228. Badger3k
    November 20th, 2012 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    Unless there is a brand of turkey called “Band”, I would assume that “band turkeys” raise money for the school band. Apparently that is not enough for some people, and they want the breakdown of the donation. Do they think it will go to the purchase of crystal meth?

  229. Dale
    November 20th, 2012 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Is this the entire population, not counting Otto and his five associates?

    If Pop’s job is doing the community’s fishing, why the party atmosphere?
    Do they celebrate when Ava brings out the clean clothes?

    Bill has about four days to get back with the ransom or a band of highly trained military misfits (armed with weapons illegal to have in the US).
    Each one has unique skills and there is no redundancy. If they get killed in the wrong order, the mission goes down the crapper.

  230. Dale
    November 20th, 2012 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    @Badger3k (#228):

    FUNKY

    Obviously, you have lived in the community for at least a year and have children in the public school system.
    Would you buy a Choir Turkey, no questions asked?

  231. This Guy
    November 20th, 2012 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    @Iconoclast (#158): Did you just make up that backstory entirely? If you did, none of us will ever know.

  232. Droopy Says
    November 20th, 2012 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Hi, boys and girls! Can you spot all the Spiderman cliches? There’s the way Parker doesn’t notice the walking eyesore known as Kraven, because he’s out-of-frame. Kraven just happens to be on the scene of the very same crime that Parker was about to thwart (because Las Vegas is even smaller than SpiderManHattan). And of course Kraven performs spiderus interruptus. Next up, Kraven gets applauded by the crowd. Spiderbland accuses him of being Up To Something, then points to The Museum with The Tiara, and wonders why Kraven just hapens to be here. With two of his monkeys, who we won’t see because they’re off-panel until then.

    Flunky Asshat: Truth is, Owen, a dead, frozen turkey would make a better salesman than you.

    Pibgorn: Brooke, in his Freudian way, is letting us know just how obsessed he is with the people he imagines are obsessed with him.

    Family Circus: That’s funny, in a cruel way, when the teacher has Dolly draw a picture of a turkey, then confusingly orders her to dress up like Thel.

    Mark Trail: So in less than one day Trail and Pop caught enough fish to feed the entire island, then cleaned them, prepared them and cooked them? And cooked them on a small barbecue? And they didn’t invite Andy? But more importantly, how will Trail “leave” when Otto gets the money? I’m guessing it’ll be with some of those fava beans and Chianti that Otto has been saving for a special occasion.

    Jugs Parker: Please hurry up so we can see what passes for a surprising, shocking ending in JP: Smug Sam doesn’t get showered with wealth.

  233. Dale
    November 20th, 2012 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#232):

    MARK TRAIL

    When they get to the Mark for money exchange, Andy will scare Otto’s guards into dropping their guns. Mark will overpower Otto, then drag Otto and the ransom money suitcase into the high-speed launch, which will then head to the USCG cutter which is illegaly parked in Big Island territorial waters.

  234. Comcis Fan
    November 20th, 2012 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Jim thinks I don’t want to be with him romantically because he has only one arm, and that’s not it at all. It’s the wanting to hump me because I look just like his deceased sister.

    (Mary’s invisible thought bubble: My but I’m enjoying this, and Dawn seems really intense about my pumpkin pie.)

  235. gleeb
    November 20th, 2012 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Lou did have the dishwasher hanged for being a Quaker, though.

    ‘bean: Well, Owen is still an idiot, but you have to take into account that George Orwell was a hard sell for poultry.

    Rex: Not to mention the hair falling out in clumps and the post-operative upper-body weakness. And the threat of death.

    Dick: The Cinnamon Knight, whose need for revenge was formed when he witnessed his parents being served a bland meal. Not from the Moon, I might add.

  236. Willy
    November 20th, 2012 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    MT: A wormhole has swallowed Mark Trail. 20 months ago Ava was a small child, helping her mother save Mark as he washed up unconscious on the island shore. Today, Ava is fully grown with a son, and widowed. Months become years, a paradigm that neatly explains the velocity of this strip’s plots.

  237. CanuckDownSouth
    November 20th, 2012 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn *just* went over this with Mary, leading to the “don’t give up entirely – yes, but I’ll be clear that I don’t want to get serious” decision. Are we stuck in a $%%#@ loop here *again*?

  238. Iconoclast
    November 20th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#159): That’s not how he handles Shirley, though. What he does is run away from her in terror, not have himself delivered to her.

    It’s more like the artist forgot which female cat was actually Heathcliff’s girlfriend.

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