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Monday one-liners

Crock, 12/10/12

As if the poor colonized subjects of French North Africa don’t have enough to worry about, now they have to deal with an outbreak of sexually aggressive camels.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/10/12

Why should the men of Hootin’ Holler bother investing in machinery that will lift them out of a subsistence economy if their wives do all the manual labor?

Apartment 3-G, 12/10/12

Evan and Margo’s sexual banter is pretty much as gross as you’d expect.

Mary Worth, 12/10/12

“We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love — first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.” –Albert Camus

Hi and Lois, 12/10/12

THE DOG SYMBOLIZES THE DYING NEWSPAPER COMICS INDUSTRY, EVERYBODY

276 responses to “Monday one-liners”

  1. Oregonian
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Whoever decorated the “Hi and Lois” house is a genius: One painting of monotone rectangles, one blank canvas, and a giant potted broccoli in the corner!

  2. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    MT – Lucky for Mark he had the insight to bring along his trusty canoe paddle with him. Not so lucky for Otto who lost a leg in the ordeal. Looks like it’s the shark who won this fishing contest, Otto!

  3. Liam
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    A3G-”I didn’t swallow a canary I swallowed something else.”

    A3G 2-”Is that what I swallowed? I thought it was called something else. Guess I have to call it canary now.”

    A3G 3-Margo likes to swallow.

    Spiderman-”Kraven loves Krave’s women and then leaves them.”

    Crankshaft-Looks like Cranky is off his meds again.

    MT-OH MY GOD! Look at the bloody mess that used to be one of Ottos’ legs. Even at a distant shot how can they get away with showing that in a newspaper comic.

    MW-Tragically Dawn and Jim were so busy looking at each other that they didn’t notice the end of the pier and fell off and drowned.

    Slylock Fox-Would they also accept pocketknife to scrape at the paint as an acceptable answer?

    FW-”We all should have been drafted immediately out of high school and then killed in Vietnam.”

  4. pugfuggly
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Crock The funny story behind this strip is that the camel had to trample four soldiers to death before he found a hat that would fit. Still, looks pretty good.

    A3G Ha ha! Margo fucks like an Egyptian…

    MW I can’t think of a better ending to this story than Dawn and Jim talking on along walk on that short pier.

    H&L Hmmm…fancy bathrobe, thriving plants, modern art on the wall. This can’t be the Flagston’s house. Is this Hi’s weekend home for his special weekend friends?

  5. Chareth Cutestory
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo-inspired workplace challenge of the day! Follow people around the office with a lingering, pointing index finger. Coworkers will feel harassed, subordinates will feel awkward, supervisors will feel pissed off.

  6. sporknpork
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    And with their newfound friendship, Dawn’s right arm withers away almost instantaneously, so, together, they form a single pair of arms.

  7. S. Stout
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    MW: Given Jim’s horrible, horrible mood swings, I wouldn’t advise letting him have his arm around you on a pier with no witnesses.

    Luann: I normally cheer when a supporting character realizes how stupid the plot is, but it’s Gunther. Anything other than sewing dresses in the basement is awkward to him.

    H&L: It’s funny because…um…they’re going to put Dawg down when they stop getting the paper? H&L is a pretty dark strip in general now that i think about it.

  8. McManx
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Crock — “Is that your hump, or are you just happy to see me…”

  9. sporknpork
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    I must disagree with Dawg. I would gladly give up my newspaper for a daily summer sausage if it came delivered to my front step every morning.

  10. Ned Ryerson
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    “Those who write clearly have readers, those who write obscurely have commentators.”
    Albert Camus

  11. Ned Ryerson
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#8): “What hump?”

  12. pugfuggly
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    FW Ooo! This is like those ‘Redneck’ jokes, right?

    “It’s hard to believe someone from our class ever managed to read well enough to get through a comic book!”

    “It’s hard to believe someone from our class was ever qualified for a job with the federal government, no matter how menial it is!”

    “It’s hard to believe someone from our class is successful enough not to have to survive off of the trash that washes up on the banks of the river! Speaking of which, we should get down there early today to get some toppings for tomorrow’s pizzas.”

  13. karyn
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    MW: Is it just me, or does Jim’s arm come and go as it wishes? In today’s strip, he certainly has an elbow and i swear his hand is in his pocket. Other times, his sleeve is pinned up to above the elbow.

  14. nescio
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MW: “Hey, hey, hey! Let’s take a walk, OK?” – Fat Albert Camus

  15. feralcanadian
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    That dastardly shark tore up your leg…. on those dahling pants!!!

  16. Greg
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    H&L: Hey, Dawg, make sure you wipe your paws so you don’t smear mud on the inky black carpet…! Wait. Never mind.

  17. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    RMMD, JP – The author of the narration boxes in the Wilson strips has to have the most dull life ever. In JP, two characters prepare lunch in the kitchen!!! IN RMMD, two other characters go to the grocery store!!! Thrill!! As the peanut butter sandwiches are made! They paid for the whole slice, but the peanut butter only needs to go to the edge!!!

    A3G – This whole “Margo wakes up one morning and decides to be the worst publicist ever” plot line has pretty much neutered her character. This should be used in Script Writing 101 as an example of what happens when the plot is allowed to overrun long-established character development.

  18. Nehemiah Scudder, insufferably smug myself
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Another bogus quotation from Karen Moy. “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead…” blah blah blah. More inspirational poster crap. Albert Camus never said that. Of course, “brainyquote.com” and several other sites say he did, but they don’t say when, and they don’t say where, so that doesn’t count. Paper Bartletts and Oxford, and Wikiquotes, which always site sources, don’t have it. One site, quotationspage.com, attributes it to “Unknown”, but adds that it is often attributed to Camus.

    I’ll go with “Unknown”, probably from some adolescent song or poem, that the real author, if still alive, would be embarrassed to own up to anyway.

    Brainyquotes.com, which I think is the source for most of Moy’s quotes, is particularly worthless, evidently unedited, and not fact-checked by anyone. On the Camus page, the “walk” quote is first listed, (demonstrating how hard Moy works at finding her platitudes). The 2nd Camus quote is, “I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.” No one who has read anything by Albert Camus, or who has even bothered to check his bio on Wikipedia or any standard source, would believe he ever said that. I can’t find out who actually did say that, though obviously it is a paraphrase of Pascal’s Wager.

    C’est absurde. There is a crazy circle of banal stupidity here. Someone finds or comes up with a deepity, attributes it at random to some dead philosopher or intellectual, and puts it on an inspirational poster with a pretty photograph. Someone else sees the poster, and uploads the “quote” to brainyquotes or similar unedited quote site. Then all the other quote sites copy it.

    The next thing you know, “walk with me” and similar dreck, is showing up on calendars, in automated “thoughts for the day”, in sermons by ill-educated pastors, and, eventually, the apotheosis of platitudes, on Mary Worth.

    // By the way, Josh’s quote is real, bless him!

  19. Nehemiah Scudder, insufferably smug myself
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#10): “Those who write clearly have readers, those who write obscurely have commentators.”
    Albert Camus

    Are you SURE of that, sir? WHERE and WHEN did he say that? Cite your source, or I’m calling bogus.

    // Go ahead. Make my day.

  20. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, insufferably smug myself (#18): site and cite are particularly insidious homophones, aren’t they?

  21. Perky Bird
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. Be sure to walk on my right side, though. You know, because of that whole ‘missing left arm’ thing.”–Jim

  22. Irrischano
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    I do believe Margo and Evan’s dialogue was pulled from a scenario in a “Sexual Harassment In the Workplace” video. In this case neither party realizes that they’re not both supposed to harassers.

  23. Marc
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    9CL- Looks like Brooke found his thesaurus again.

    A3G- Since when did canary become a slang term for cumshot?

    Mark Trail- It’s going to be funny when Mark does nothing but paddle the boat around in circles with his one oar. Why isn’t the avid environmentalist summoning up a couple of dolphins to ride to shore on?

    Mary Worth- I thought it was “Don’t walk behind me because I had chili for lunch”.

    Funky- I don’t know what is more infuriating to me; That a writer who lectures the readers about how strips should be serious takes zero time to do any research to give his plots even a hint of realism. Or the fact that thing I’m getting so mad at is a friggin comic strip.

    Luann- Out of all the dipshit plots in this stupid strip, this arc is probably going to challenge for the title of dipshittiest.

    Family Circus- Is it weird that I can’t stand all of Dolly’s 1930′s hats?

  24. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    “To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.” – Albert Camus, to Mary Worth

  25. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    MT – While Otto waits for Mark to paddle them to shore he makes a list of things to take with him on his next fishing trip:

    Life jackets
    First Aid kit
    Signal flares
    Rod and tackle
    Beer and snacks
    One full suit of body armor

  26. Comcis Fan
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    I read today’s Hi & Lois three times before I realized that Dawg doesn’t want the daily newspaper to stop publishing because he wants to fetch it. Dawg’s need for exercise notwithstanding, this strip’s unmistakable doggist-oppressive attitude is why the printed daily newspaper is in trouble today.

  27. sporknpork
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Can we prove with absolute certainty that Margo’s arm is actually attached to her body in panel two and is not a dummy arm she’s carrying around and wiggling in Evan’s face?

  28. Froggy
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    A3G – Heady times these are for Margo, being wooed by both the new James Bond and The Man With the Golden Suit.

    MW – So many Camus quotes (or supposed quotes), so little space:
    “Love is the kind of illness that does not spare the intelligent or the dull.”
    “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
    “He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hope for the human condition is a fool.”

  29. Mikey
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    MW: Yes! Please continue taking that long walk on that short pier you two!! Closer!! Keep going!!

    Here’s a definition off the interwebs for Moy:

    Cliché: Take a long walk off a short plank (pier)
    Explanation: 1. Go away and leave me alone.
    Country: United States

  30. Mikem
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    When I first glanced at the Snuffy Smith, I thought of a Hootin’ Holler based reality show called ‘Tractor Shore’….

  31. pugfuggly
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#10):

    “In Mary Worth? Really? Ah, fuck….”

    ~Albert Camus’ spinning corpse

  32. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MT – “Those sharks would have killed me, Trail!”
    “Yeah, one of them tore off your…uh…Hang on ‘Stumpy’, we’ll make it!”

  33. Horace Broon
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    ASM: See, that’s how Kraven’s supposed to talk. It’s stupid and cheesy, but it’s authentically stupid and cheesy.

    MW: Paciing a storyline so it doesn’t end on a Monday is more effort than Mary Worth deserves, clearly. (We can’t possibly be in for a week of Mary patting herself on the back for her non-involvement in this storyline … can we?)

    RMMD: June, I get that you want to ease into this conversation gently. But starting with an outright lie makes it harder to admit “We were sent here by his evil aunt to find out why he isn’t sending her money” later.

    Zits: Isn’t one of the basic tenets of this strip meant to be “Jeremy is unfathomably lazy”? So why does he suddenly regard sleep as a horrible experience?

  34. Comcis Fan
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    FW: Will someone please remind me to whom Funky is married? I’m pretty sure she’s not first wife Cindy. Isn’t she someone who used to be with someone else? Once they’re given Westview Bottom and dishpan hair, it’s hard to remember who the middle-aged ladies in this strip used to be and to distinguish one from the other. This is probably why Lisa wasn’t allowed to live past her 30s.

  35. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#24): The Fall (1956)

    // Applauds gently.

  36. Voshkod
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Tonight, on the History Channel, things get strange in the Algerian Revolution when the FLN starts deploying obese suicide bombers, and the French respond with genetically-engineered hyper-sexualized camels.

  37. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    MT – “Those sharks would have killed me, Trail!”
    “Yeah, one of them tore off your, um…er, …Don’t worry, ‘Ottessa’, we’ll make it!”

  38. Horace Broon
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#2):

    Mark follows the wise words of Marcie Hatter, the main character (ie Doctor-Who-stand-in) of Russell T. Davies’s 1990s children’s show Dark Season:

    MISS MAITLAND: Why the canoe paddle?
    MARCIE: Well, you never know when you’re going to be up the creek.

  39. Little Guy
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    MT: Otto will recant his evil ways and go to Seattle Grace for rehab and anger management while falling in love, just as Washington State legalized cartoon villian/TV character marriage.

  40. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    MT – “Those sharks would have killed me, Trail!”
    “Yeah, one of them tore you a new…um, ouch, that must have hurt!”

  41. mojo
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Ummm, so Jim honors his sister’s memory by walking like a big boy on the pier? Way to set that dead-sister-honoring bar super-high there, Jim!

  42. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    No, seriously, Mary Worth. You went through all that friendship-themed Casablanca-quoting nonsense, and you didn’t even finish it off with “This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship”? The quotation we could all see coming from twenty light-years away? You thought that Camus was a more appropriate coda to this storyline? Because the only thing more disappointing than ending with that totally obvious, telegraphed-in-from-1942 quotation is FAILING to end with the totally obvious quotation when we’re all expecting it, as if it had never even occurred to you. I mean, quoting Bogart would have been unexciting, but at least it would have followed logically from the story, unlike totally-bonkers Camus.

  43. Lenoxus
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @Mikem (#30): In may case, I momentarily pictured a shore covered with tractors, a Tractor Shore if you will.

    Meanwhile, that horse, with its grey coloring matching that of the harness, looks oddly mechanical…

  44. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    MT – “Those sharks would have killed me, Trail!”
    “Yeah, one of them tryed awfully hard, but he didn’t have a big green paddle like the one I’m about to use on you!”

  45. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Doons: *snicker*

    GF: d’awwww.

    HotC: preach it, brother!

    Lio: useful monster is useful.

    PBS: o dear. *gigglez*

    SBp: that’s due to all the lawyers being “someplace else”.

    Blondie: Deck the halls with strings of bratwurst. . .

    DT: costume sex in 3, 2, 1 . .

    MG&G: adding Clone Troopers to get past the ACLU?

    PMP: ooo, freckles! frisk ME!!!

    RwO: *golf clap*

    SFx: magnets, Slylock knows how they work.

  46. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#42): She did use the “beautiful friendship” line, a couple of days ago, I think.

  47. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    MT – Um, Mark? Sure the steering cable broke, but WHY do you need to use a canoe paddle to steer with when you’ve got an OUTBOARD MOTOR you can simply move left or right with or without the stinking steering wheel?!!

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . that’s almost an ahegao face. and WHERE ARE HIS HANDS?!?!

  49. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#46): Really? I went back and checked, and I didn’t see it.

  50. Old Folkie
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#17): Judge Parker is filthy rich, but can’t afford a dishwasher?

  51. bbofun
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    A3G- In today’s strip, the role of Margo will be played by Nathan Lane.

    ASM- Guess- Kraven actually cares for showgirl-whose-name-I-don’t-care-about, and is trying to make his sudden departure after stealing the tiara more bearable for her. This will lead to his downfall, when she is placed in danger, and he has to choose between freedom and saving her. (Not nearly as good as the story I proposed when we first met her- that SHE was actually going to steal the tiara and frame Kraven, IMHO.)

    9CL- “Welcome to our dental practice. Now, before we begin, I would like to assure you that my stiff and robotic speech pattern in no way implies that I am a robot or alien here to implant mind-control devices in your teeth.”

    Luann- No, Gunther, this isn’t awkward. It’s just plain stupid. (And, hey, what time is it in Australia? Such a big deal’s been made about how finding good times for Luann and Quint to talk, what with the time difference and all, is this going to be addressed? And why do I care?)

    MW- “Don’t walk behind me, you’ve got serious anger control issues and have had no actual therapy, so you could snap and push me off the pier; don’t walk in front of me, because I’m a little creeped out by the sight of your prosthesis. Just walk beside me, or, even better, just go away, because this storyline is DONE!”

    (Words my Spell-Check doesn’t like- “creeped” and “storyline”.)

    RMMD- It’s nice June and Delores will have a chance to talk- DEAR GOD! HER EYES! WHAT’S WRONG WITH HER EYES! AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

  52. Binder's Butter Beans
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    I woke up this morning to discover that my paper has rearranged the entire comix section, removed Mary Worth and Rex Morgan, and inserted Dennis the Menace and something called “Prickly City.”

    I am attempting to remain calm.

    It isn’t working. *overturns car and sets fire to it*

  53. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#20): Sounds like you need what they’re serving up at Frank and Ernest today…

  54. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    MT – “Those sharks would have killed me, Trail! Because of this I am going to waive your ransom!”

    “NO WAY! My friend Bill Ellis is really gonna be pissed because he’s been conducting bottle drives for more than two months now to raise your stinking money! So, WAVE THIS, you heartless bastard!

  55. KreatureFeatures
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh, man! Now Otto’s gotta pay for leg surgery and boat repairs. Time to raise Mark’s ransom to 3 million dollars.

  56. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#49): It was actually yesterday. Last panel of the Sunday strip.

  57. TheDiva
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    A3G: “No seriously, nothing like devouring a live animal for breakfast to get the day off right.”

    MW: Yeah yeah, and God grant me the serenity to accept the footprints where from when I carried you to bless this mess blah blah blah…

  58. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    MT – “Those sharks would have killed me, Trail!”
    “Yes, Otto, they would have, which is exactly why I don’t take Rusty fresh water fishing, no man eating sharks!”

  59. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#53): That’s an odd strip. Are F&E the witches acolytes? Is that the witch school uniform, with the gold amulets and all? Classy!

    // Glad to see that the pair are finally trying to improve themselves and broaden their education.

  60. seismic-2
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    “We should be grateful to Rex Morgan and give him everything we can!” – Albert Shamu

  61. Atheist amongst the flock
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#48): Now that you have given me a new word, how do you pronounce it? ahegao

  62. bats :[
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    “Well, Camus can do, but Sartre is smartre!” — Jay Sherman

    (who is also (correctly) credited for: “It stinks!”)

  63. Holly Folly
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Oh my god the power of friendship grew Jim’s arm back!

  64. Digger
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    As if newspapers weren’t already in bad enough shape, the sight of Hi’s hairy chicken legs just caused many people to cancel their subscriptions.

    A3G: There is no subtext here. Margo did in fact swallow a live canary and she did enjoy it.

  65. wossname
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    MT – Hey now, Jackelrod, I call BS. In the underwater shot on Friday where Mark was rescuing Otto, there was no shark within 100 feet. Are you telling me that Mark’s mere jumping into the water caused a full-grown hungry shark to stop chomping on Otto’s leg and flee like a scared guppy?

    A3G – I assume it’s not a coincidence that Evan is wearing a canary yellow suit.

    Archie – Ummm, is this really what high school geography class is like? It looks more like a Slylock quiz (but not as interesting).

  66. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#56): @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#49): So, the actual last line of the spoken dialog was the “beautiful friendship” line you expected. The BOGUS Albert Camus quote, was the characteristically painfully platitudinous coda required by a Mary Worth story line.

    // Of course, I wouldn’t be surprised if Dawn and Mary spent the next week or so rehashing the whole story over tea and beige things.

  67. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MT – “Those sharks would have killed me, Trail!”

    “YOU would have killed ME, Otto!”

    “Yeah, why the hell couldn’t you have just fallen overboard like you were supposed to, Trail? Just LOOK at the bloody shredded remains of what used to be my leg, Trail! THIS is all your fault!”

    “Hang on, Otto. Let’s stop going in circles here so your head can say hello to my little friend, Senor killer paddle!”

  68. Downpuppy
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Skipping to the punchline:

    No, no, we ride the camels to the whorehouse in town!

  69. Johnny Knuckles
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Love is… growing your arm back.

  70. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#52): Very sensible. Healthy exercise often helps in emotional crises like these.

    // Prickly City is actually pretty good, tho we don’t discuss it much here as it is mostly political – right wing, but often clever and well drawn, unlike the unspeakable duck.

  71. Scott Free
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    DT: Costumes and capes and stuff may be OK in Gotham or Metropolis, but if you want to be a super-villain in Tracy Town, get your ass over to the plastic surgeon, ’cause you can’t be a Tracy villain without a major physical deformity. That’s what we call “commitment.”

  72. TheDiva
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    9CL: Brooke is a recluse, right? He lives in a decrepit mansion or a cave or somewhere where he never, ever hears the speech of other people. That’s the only way he can write like this.

    C’shaft: He’s doing this on purpose now.

    FW: So what, did Batiuk read the M. Mabeuf arc in Les Miserables and think “This is good, but what it really needs is weak jokes and an even more drawn out pace!”

    Luann: Stop stealing my lines, Gunther!

    MT: “How hard can it be for one man to paddle a heavy motorboat in the open ocean, anyway?”

    SM: Well, that’s one way of working around illogical character behavior…

  73. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

  74. MySpoonIsTooBig
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#52): Prickly City isn’t that bad. It’s not Bloom County great, but at least the guy’s putting some effort into it at least.

    H&L- Has anyone’s dog ever fetched a newspaper, ever? My beagle would just run around with the newspaper making us chase her for it.

  75. Downpuppy
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#65): JackElrod skipped showing Mark punching the shark in the nose because it was becoming a cliche.

  76. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man:

    “I’m a nobody, why don’t you explain it to me?”

    Apt. 3-G: Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    9 Chickweed Lane: I like to imagine what comes next is like the scene in Little Shop of Horrors where Jack Nicholson the masochist is rejected by his dentist: “You sick freak, get OUT of my chair…”

    Dennis the Menace: Later in life, without a pension or health benefits, his knees blown out from years spent racing on a concrete pad in an Amazon warehouse and his back broken from lifting heavy boxes of precision-formed Legos for the kiddies at Christmas, Dennis realized the true horror of the elf labor system.

    Henry, I knew Lazlo Crannick.[*] Lazlo Crannick was a friend of mine. You, sir, are no Lazlo Crannick.

    Judge Parker: Should it bother me that the women in this strip seem to be filled with expressions of vague contempt for the men around them? Probably.

    Mark Trail: “Those sharks would have killed me, Trail!” “Dammit, I specified a bear!”

    Mary Worth: “Take a long walk off a short pier.” – Pastor Dan

    One Big Happy: Yeh. On a mission. That’s why I’m there, right.

    Piranha Club: $1500 a month after paying in to Social Security for 1600 years? Sounds about right.

    More awesome from Scary Go Round.

    Slylock Fox: Speaking of true horror, let that last sentence sink into your mind. I’ll have the brain bleach waiting when you’re ready.

    Last but not least…sigh. Realism (or truth, anyway) from Sinfest.

  77. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#65): “Are you telling me that Mark’s mere jumping into the water caused a full-grown hungry shark to stop chomping on Otto’s leg and flee like a scared guppy?”

    The moment the VILLIANOUS shark saw Mark’s clenched ‘FEETS-O-JUSTICE ™ ‘ it knew it had better leave to find friendlier eating grounds.

  78. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#73): Are you sure it’s not actually ahegão, Brazilian Portuguese for “Holy @#★$,” as used by Margo on Sunday?

  79. Dood
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: “See, what I durn’t git is how they got the dadburn barn to farm in the first place!”

  80. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    MT – “Hang on, Otto, we’ll make it. But, first I have to stop by the magazine office for a few weeks. You can wait in the boat.”
    (Otto) “NOW I know how that mutant adopted kid of yours must feel, Trail!”

  81. Uncle Lumpy
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    <Irish brogue>
    “Those sharks would have killed me Trail!”
    “Sure, má that be what the kids be callin’ it these days — you’ll not be needin’ that “Trail”, now. Nor havin’ it.
    </Irish brogue>

  82. Dartpaw86
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Margo pointing her finger like that, I hope she’s about use her hidden sorceress powers casting a magic spell on Evan turning him into a canary for the rest of his life. Then go on a rampage cursing everybody in the entire strip. Can you think of a better way to improve this storyline?

  83. seismic-2
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    A3G: Today’s dialog finally explains why all of Evan’s suits and ties are canary yellow.

    MT: “Those sharks would have killed me, Trail!”
    “Yeah, one of them tore… Say, next Sunday’s strip will be all about pythons, so how would you like to appear in it as a man with three buttocks?”

  84. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#72): Brooke is a recluse, right? He lives in a decrepit mansion or a cave or somewhere where he never, ever hears the speech of other people.

    Endlessly rereading old historical romances by Sabatini and Shellabarger. I recognize the style.

  85. Mibbitmaker
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    A3G: Next on Margo’s meal plan: the dove of peace and Tweety (unlike with Sylvester, he shan’t escape our Ms. Magee!)

    MW:
    “What… they’re still going at this crap?! I honestly thought this dumb storyline was over already!” — Albert Camus

    Crock:
    “Like my hump, missy? I call it ‘My Lady Hump’, if you know what I mean…” — Albert Camel

  86. Cotton Candy Beard
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    It’s nice how Crock establishes itself as a world with talking camels by giving voice to the woman’s breasts in the first panel.

  87. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#83): …a man with three buttocks.

    I think Ripley already did that.

  88. Mibbitmaker
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Four people all posting at 10:26 am! Is that a record?

  89. Illustrator Steve
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    MT – Meanwhile,back at the little village, Bill Ellis and Doc arrive with the cash to retrieve Mark…

    (Bill Ellis stops at Pop’s hut): “Say, Pop, you seen anybody on this island that goes by the name of Mark Trail?”

    (Pop): “No, He’s probably fishing”.

    (Bill Ellis): “Hey, Doc! By any chance, are you related to this old guy?”

    (Doc): “NO, he’s probably outside!”

    (Bill Ellis): My thoughts exactly, Doc. Yes, my thoughts exactly!

  90. gleeb
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Even if the “CEO firing employees” method of raising money was good, and even if Crazy didn’t have a pension waiting for him, why go to granny-cheating John? But fat failure Funky is right: he and his friends are completely unskilled and unemployable outside of Cancerdeathville.

    Parkers: They reuse plates? The Drivers surely look down on them because of this penny-pinching parsimony.

    Phantom: I knew he’d the the dosage wrong.

    Piranha: And he’s selling, like, 1000 years’ worth of old comix. That’s, what, a good $600 right there.

    Spidey: Actually, he’s explaining his actions right now.

    Gil: Coach, they’re football players. They’ve taken so many blows to the head they’re lucky they can eat soup without a bib.

  91. Atheist amongst the flock
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

  92. Steve the Pocket
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#72) re: 9CL: Gee, I sure hope so. Otherwise it would imply that other people have to put up with him on a regular basis.

    Hi and Lois: Is newspapers being left on the ground even still a thing? All the suburbs I’ve ever seen have had those special plastic mailbox thingies for as long as I can remember.

  93. Mibbitmaker
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#87): ‘Robert Ripley’s Flying Circus’

  94. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Don’t walk behind me, I’m afraid you might grab my ass. Don’t walk in front of me, you may trip me up with your bumbling. Just walk beside me off a short pier, as I don’t want our suicide pact to degrade into a murder/suicide pact.

  95. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#92): Hi & Lo: Yes, especially during the Christmas season, the newspaper is too large for the little tube. Ours was on the ground yesterday.

  96. LurkerMan
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    So stalker camel is claiming he’s neither good-looking nor bashful?

    So he’s ugly, following a woman surreptitiously but not out of social fear, and is not afraid of a social confrontation that could end in extreme embarrassment?

    So the camel is Spiderman.

  97. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#84):

    At least the dialogue is in character for Amos, who has been revealed to be a vicious, nasty, smug, preening little twerp. Hopefully, he is seeing this dentist based on a recommendation from Edda, and will end up with the same intensely painful facial reconstruction that was performed on all the Burbers in order to give them the Megalodon smile they possess.

  98. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Rusty: Can we go fishing, Mark? Can we?

    MT: The last two times I went fishing, I got kidnapped and the time after that, some guy tried to kill me but was thrown by an impossible wave into shark infested water. So, Rusty, I’ve only got one question…. Are ya feelin’ lucky? Well, are ya, punk?

  99. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#92): Hi and Lois: Is newspapers being left on the ground even still a thing?

    Yes. Very much so. That’s how I get mine. Around here (S.E. US) you mostly see the newspaper mailbox-style things out in the countryside, where the house might be a really long ways from the road. In the cities and ‘burbs, they just toss it on the lawn.

  100. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    So the camel isn’t following Grossie, he’s really following the curvy-Gypsy-lookin’-not-Grossie-chick? Why is he hitting himself on the back of the head? Why is he wearing a hat? Is he convinced that either woman would mistake him for a legionaire if he only wore a hat? Why is that camels snout – or the bulbous portion at the end of the snout – larger than his hump? Does that make his bulb well endowed, or has his hump fallen victim to shrinkage? On the byzantine Crock-scale of incomprehensibility, this one scores about average.

  101. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Digger (#64): And for dessert, she bit the head off a bat.

  102. Pozzo
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Camels got fingers!

  103. Ned Ryerson
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, insufferably smug myself (#18): @Nehemiah Scudder, insufferably smug myself (#19): My source was brainyquotes, duh! Isn’t that the go to for quotes?

    I think that quote is taken from one of Albert Camus’ early, off broadway productions, “Strolling on the Pier With My Gal”, music by Daniel Johnston.

  104. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Hi & Lo: There used to be the search engine Lycos, whose commercials featured Lycos as a dog that could fetch whatever you wanted at light speed. Even that dog no longer exists, as more powerful systems eclipsed it. Sorry, Dawg, you’re obsolete meat.

  105. thegatwickview
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    yuck . doesn’t Hi ever shave his legs?

  106. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Phantom: If I slow the plot line down enough, this lioness will take a nap. Yes, it’s working. I’ll jump into a tree. A few more thought balloons should do the trick. I’ll take this time to mention that my reflexes are super-fast. Quick reference to Bandar medicine. Ask myself why these lions hunt strangely. Yes, she’s sleeping! As is most of my audience! I’m even a little groggy right now.

  107. Liam
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    FW-”I’m surprised that the grim specter of despair and hopelessness that hovers over this town didn’t crush all underneath it’s weight when we graduated.”

    RMMD-A long weekend that will turn into a several month story. Let’s see how long they can make a two day weekend last.

    A3G-”Uh, Margo, you still have little bit of canary on your chin.”

  108. Ned Ryerson
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#103): Oh wait, you’re right. That quote should be attributed to George Carlin. (Source? An email from my dad.)

  109. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#84): @TheDiva (#72): I hear TCM and and PBS are the only stations he gets…

  110. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith. Actually, this is a pretty common sentiment among the Amish in our area. The men find “business related” excuses to have modern technology in the barns but expect the women to cook, clean and do laundry with 18th century technology.

  111. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    MW: Jim is trying to tap Dawn on the opposite shoulder and then act like it wasn’t him. Dawn is simultaneously trying the same thing. If both of them fall for it, every CC’er gets a dollar.

  112. Little Blue Bicycle
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    “Guess again hot bod.” — Albert Camel

  113. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    SM: I’m going to try that on my wife tonight. “Hogen does NOT explain his actions!”

    Hey, any of you guys got a couch that I can crash on tonight?

  114. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#112): “Stop staring at me there!” Albert Camel-toe

  115. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#78): given that it’s a Japanese term? ;-)

  116. Ned Ryerson
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    MW: I’ll bet that pier smells strongly of Old Spice and rough trade.

  117. seismic-2
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    GT: We never did learn just what Doyle Dane was up to with all his schemes to boost, and then destroy, and then rebuild, Terry Gallagher’s popularity and social life, did we? I suspect we should probably be relieved that we didn’t, because this whole stupid plot took way too long even without explaining the reason behind it.

    H&L: Dawg, have you ever seen Doctor Who? K-9 is the online content aggregator of the future. Now, just hail your obsolete carcass down to the alley in Westview where your fellow unneeded print-content delivery guy Crazy is trying to sell his old comic books, and raise your leg next to the pile.

    Phantom: Kit, does that little green bag that’s poking its neck out from the back of your stripey briefs hold those arrowheads that are coated with the animal tranquilizer? And have you been sitting on said sack of sharp arrowheads, up there in the tree branches? Do you feel something sharp poking into your butt? And are you starting to feel just a bit drowsy now, maybe? The lion knows, Kit, the lion knows.

  118. Liam
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    MT-That’s it, Mark use a paddle to move that big heavy boat. Hopefully this story ends with the seagulls pecking away at your sun bleached bones.

  119. Navigator
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Albert Camus reads Mary Worth: “Isn’t that typical? You write essay after essay on the theory of the absurd, then you get drunk with Sartre one time and start complimenting everyone, then BAM, you wake up in a frolicking montage. It’s almost…Sisyphean. Eh? Anyone? Eh? (plays extremely literate rim shot)

  120. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#115): Haven’t you heard about the Japanese immigrants to Brazil?

  121. bup
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    The artist of Mary Worth could give lessons in how not to draw perspective.

  122. erdmann
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wait, that’s it? Aren’t we going to learn why Jim’s sister looked just like Dawn? This totally violates the concept of Chekov’s Doppelganger.

    9CL: The original dialogue read “Hey, I’m Dr. Gertz. How ya doing?” but it was deemed too unnatural sounding.

  123. ScienceGiant
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#102): Camels got toes! Get it? “Camel toe”? I was originally going to use that for #86 Cotton Candy Beard and how it was better that the breasts were talking then the camel toe was…

  124. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    I’m not a big fan of the “Ermahgerd” meme, but when it’s a corgiderp, then it’s acceptable.

    Strangest Time Portal. *geekasm*

    All your home-repair needs in one package.

    floofy corgsqui.

    corgi in a swing, your argument is derp.

    ikkle corgi, big squee.

  125. ScienceGiant
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

  126. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#120): the ones getting the bum-bum implants?

  127. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#34): That’s Holly. Former cancer victim (who survived — sucks to be her) and former Majorette that had a secret crush on Funky in high school.

  128. Will
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    I would just like to thank the Chron.com for its ongoing dedication to mediocrity. When I first joined the Curmudgeon crew, everybody used the Chron because of their broad selection and the custom comics page generator. Then they took out Fred Basset, which annoyed me. I know Fred’s a lazy legacy strip, but it makes me smile.
    Then they killed the custom page thing, which meant that instead of loading one page, I had to load like 25 tabs to get my comics.
    Then there was a stretch where they (or the syndicate) failed to load the color strips. So I switched them to the Seattle P-I, and discovered that it was a far better experience. The strips could be made larger, for one, which makes SFx’s “find six” strips so much easier to do. And the Seattle P-I even has Sunday strips. Who knew they still did strips on Sundays? Unfortunately, they didn’t have all of my strips, so I kept on using the Chron.
    Today was the last straw, none of their B&W strips were updated. I moved the rest of my bookmarks to either the strip’s own site or to gocomics.com.
    So long, Houston Chronicle, and thanks for all the “meh.”

  129. Mark B.
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    “Later, as he sat on his balcony eating the dog, Dr Robert Laing reflected on the unusual events that had taken place within this huge apartment building during the previous three months.”–Albert Camus

  130. odinthor
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    DtM. — Henry Mitchell is one of the last subscribers to the Paleo-Hebrew alphabet edition of The Wall Street Journal.

    MW.

    What better way to honor your sister than to live your best life?

    The imputation of this question is not logically sound.

    Forget all the bad stuff. It’s in the past, Be happy here and now!”

    “Those who cannot remember the past should talk to their doctor about the possibility of early onset of Alzheimer’s are condemned to repeat it” —George Santayana.

  131. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#124): Only Harbor Freight (I can tell by the box at the bottom of the pic) would come up with such an AWESOME combo package. I’m going there on my lunch hour today and grab several packs for Christmas presents.

    Shrink-wrapped WD-40 and Duct Tape, FTW!

  132. Tophat
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Alright, this needs to be said. The S&M donkey that makes occasional appearances in Barney Google and Snuffy Smith freaks me right the hell out.

  133. Atheist amongst the flock
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#78): Japanese for the weird facial expression during sexual climax

    Right on Queek

  134. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

  135. Uncle Lumpy
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#131):

    Shrink-wrapped WD-40 and Duct Tape, FTW!

    Where’s the damn Vise-Grips®?

  136. Ned Ryerson
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#129): Haha. I know that book. It wasn’t written by Albert Camus. It was written by Judy Blume!

  137. Ned Ryerson
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    “Last night Boris discovered that he was lousy. I had to shave his armpits and even then the itching did not stop.”
    Albert Camus

  138. lynn
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, insufferably smug myself (#18): Isn’t that the quote, immortalized by the Stone Ponies, that goes on about marching to a different drum? Wasn’t that Gunter Grass?

    //Cranky today, Ignatz? On the outs with Mrs. Scudder again? Call me…

  139. lynn
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#129): A plague be upon you for reminding me of that book.

  140. Debidawg
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#128): Try Arizona Central too – they have a good comics page.

  141. Snarkotix Addict
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    MW – Yeah, I give Dawn about a week of this BFF and schmaltzy quote crap with Jim before she dumps him on Mary.

  142. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    did someone mention Cadmoose?

  143. greghousesgf
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Atheist amongst the flock (#133): I think I’ll stick with saying “O face”.

  144. La Cieca
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Wait. The canary was perched on Margo’s finger and she just gobbled it down, feathers and all? I mean, I’m not surprised, but…

  145. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Beetle – “Sarge helped Beetle stretch this morning. Now he don’t move no more!”

    Archie – Gde se Zagreb nalazi?

    Mary – Just keep walking. In a straight line. A long walk.

    Grimm – “Baaaaaa.” “Ssh!!”

  146. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Nancy – Chickens are coming home to roost. Turns out Nancy’s as dumb as three rocks.

    Spider-Man – Sometimes you just have to wonder if Kraven changed his name from Krazy-Ass.

    @seismic-2 (#y199): Note that it says nothing about coveting thy neighbour’s wife’s ass.
    What about his chaps?

  147. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Wow!
    Did it make it this far without saying that Margo should be saying, “Go ahead, pull my finger.” ?

    //too cliched? Or, just too juvenile?

  148. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#135): This is Harbor Freight we’re talking about, so the product is actually “Locking Pliers”. I’m surprised the picture wasn’t of WD-41 and Duck tape.

  149. wonkeythemonkey
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Crock is much funnier if you imagine all of the dialogue being performed in impersonated voices by the camel from behind the hill. That applies to all Crock strips, not just this one.

  150. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#148): “Waterfowl” tape.

    the large rolls are labeled “LoFo”.

  151. Calico
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#3):
    Margo likes to swallow especially after getting tipsy.

  152. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#150): at the Dollar Store, it’s “Ustiquaduck” tape.

  153. Uncle Lumpy
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#148):

    I loves me some Harbor Freight. Got myself a 5-gallon portable air tank for caulking and nailing without lugging the big compressor around. Remove all the fittings and reinstall wrapped with Teflon® tape, replace the hose, attach a quick-connect and a swivel joint, and you’re good to go — so long as you don’t mind a little leakage from the valve and don’t go trusting that hinkey gauge too much.

    BTW, don’t miss Toolmonger.com’s “Cheap Ass Tools” category.

  154. Calico
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#124):
    That is really an awesome combo pack!

  155. Liam
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    “Don’t walk behind me; I will lead you off a pier.”

  156. Uncle Lumpy
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

  157. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#153): I love HF as well, as long as I go into the transaction thinking that the tool I buy will either be disposed of or have to be rebuild after a few uses. I did something similar to you — I got the 5 gal portable tank, but I connected mine to a twin-stage compressor that had its original tank rust through.

    For the price, most of the things can’t be beat, as long as you understand that the typical use of the word “tolerance” is not understood by most of the HF manufacturers.

  158. Uncle Lumpy
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#157):

    Exactly right: “tolerance” is what the buyer brings to the purchase, not the engineers to the product.

  159. Uncle Lumpy
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    “Engineers” — <snurk>.

  160. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#156): classic!

    *goes to order pneumatic slidewhistle*

  161. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#159): Dilbert and Wally?

  162. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#156): That is hilarious! You owe me a new keyboard and some screen wipes.

  163. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#160): If that Meglinator were pneumatic, it would be perfect for my garage.

  164. Calico
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#155):
    “Don’t walk beside me; I may push you off the pier.”

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    To arms! to arms! great Chrononhotonthologos!
    Th’ Antipodean pow’rs, from realms below,
    Have burst the solid entrails of the earth!

    Albert Camus

  166. Austria
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    BC: Okay, the “shark milking” thing is pretty funny.

    H&L: This would be a whole lot better if I knew what an “online content aggregator” was. Oh wait, no it wouldn’t, this is Hi & Lois.

    Luann: Awkward? Ohhh, Gunther, this plot bypassed “awkward” long ago and went straight into “stupid.”

    S4th: Now THIS is awkward. Take notes, Gunth.

  167. Dood
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#156): With a few simple mods, you can double the Meglinator’s output, because, honestly, 21,000 meglinations is barely adequate if you’re preneumanizing any number of subdivots.

  168. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Beaming in today later than usual because the chron site has had no live links to its comics today, leaving me at the mercy of the Comics Kingdom papers. Gotta love it when people decide not to do their jobs. Anyway…

    A3G: “Oh, you think you’re speaking metaphorically, but I’ve never gotten out of the habit of eating live birds for lunch.”

    H&L: Nor will an online content aggregator make you nostalgic about learning bladder control, I’m sure.

    MT: Otto is very lucky that he’s living in a PG-rated universe. Otherwise Mark might have meant that the shark had torn up his actual leg, and not just his pants leg.

    Ziggy: I trust that Ziggy will throw the book at the red bird and his Commie “happiness.”

    C-Shaft: “Coworkers describe the assailant as ‘a quiet sort of guy’ and the victim as ‘a loud, obnoxious idiot’.”

    9CL: This is how you wind up with the dentist “accidentally” giving you only a half-dose of Novocain.

    RMMD: “And that long weekend is our lives, pretty much.”

    BB: Sarge’s insatiable giraffe fetish is revealed, whether you want it to be or not.

    DT: Just be sure to give Tracy a heads up and pray that he can process the idea of costumed vigilantes working undercover.

    GT: Gil stares intently at his whistle, much as an Australopithecus might gaze at a microwave oven.

    6C: The humble offices of USA Today.

    EC: This should get pretty gripping next Friday when the Ghost of Latkes Yet to Come shows Abby her gravestone.
    M-Dawg: Don’t you just hate it when the phoned-in comic you meant to run during the presidential debates gets lost behind the file cabinets until December?

    SFx: Slylock has got a magnet in his pocket, and he’s happy to see the statue. (Reminds him of Cassandra, of course.)

  169. Mikey
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Debidawg (#140):
    That AZ Central site is great! I use the Chron page too, but my browser thinks the site is cross linking, so the comic links don’t even work. It used to be pretty good but it’s devolved into the Peter Parker of comic sites.

  170. Peanut Gallery
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, insufferably smug myself (#18): A couple days ago, This Guy mentioned cartographic trap streets. The challenge is clear! Fabricate a likely-sounding dull platitude, calculated to be irresistible to Karen Moy, post it on brainyquotes.com with a big-name bogus attribution, and wait to see if it turns up in Mary Worth.

    (Oh, and step 4: Profit!)

  171. Calico
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#166):
    An OCA sounds like a type of query program – gathering stuff based on a user’s requests/commands for certain content.
    Edify me, you computer experts! : )

  172. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

  173. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Atheist amongst the flock (#133): Yeah, I know.[*] Just teasin’ here.

  174. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @wonkeythemonkey (#149): I’m guessing that all the human characters long ago died. Their bodies are preserved by the dry heat, and the camels amuse themselves by manipulating them like puppets. It does fit the evidence.

  175. Shrug, Fan of Dead-Tree Newspapers
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#92):

    “Hi and Lois: Is newspapers being left on the ground even still a thing? All the suburbs I’ve ever seen have had those special plastic mailbox thingies for as long as I can remember.”

    I’m inner city rather than suburbs, but yes, my current paper carrier tosses the newspaper on the ground, usually at least twenty feet from my front door.

    I suppose I’ll have to send him a Christmas tip anyway, but I’ll be gritting my teeth the while. The daily carrier I had until this year also put it on the steps, just an arm’s length outside the door. (Hey, you kids, get on my lawn!!)

    One could argue the whole thing would not matter if (a) I had a dog to retrieve the paper for me, or (b) I could teach one of my cats to retrieve the paper for me.
    But then I’d just have to give the pets a Christmas tip too.

  176. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#129): That Camus quote makes me wish you were Karen Moy’s mischievous intern.

  177. ScienceGiant
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#156): Too funny! I’ve been laughing hysterically for the last 5 minutes!!

  178. Jamus The Bartender
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Oh dear God….” This group date is to help “x” relax” and “We want him/her to feel less awkward” are things people say when an orgy is about to happen. Where do these kids go to church, Benny’s Tavern?

    Sally Forth: Why do I have a feeling the two big guys are gonna hold down Ted while the little guy with the Queenstache farts in his face?

  179. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @erdmann (#122):

    Aren’t we going to learn why Jim’s sister looked just like Dawn?

    Part of the same top-secret cloning program as Ted Forth’s brothers.

  180. I speak Jive
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#50): Maybe someone will give him one. The most expensive brand, of course.

    @Steve the Pocket (#92): I’ve had one of those plastic mailbox-type things forever, but the paper delivery person has never left the paper in it; he/she always leaves the paper in the driveway. I’m not complaining, though – the paper is always there by 6:00 am.

    Mary Worth – Didn’t Abraham Lincoln say that?

    Funky W – There should be lots of job openings, considering how many people in Westview die of cancer every year.

  181. Baka Gaijin
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#179): I didn’t realize I’d forgotten to read a few strips this morning, Sally Forth being one. Thanks to you, my day is now complete. To make it complete without CC-induced nightmares, I’m shutting down the computer now.

  182. Shrug, Sensing Trouble a-Bruin
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Surprised no one has suggested the obvious fourth panel for today’s RIP HAYWIRE:

    “A grizzley! Maybe HE can help!”

  183. Shrug, The Quote Has Come Backus
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    “Do not walk in front of me, Waldo, for I may trip over you. Do not walk behind me, Waldo, for if you do not guide me I may step into traffic. Just walk beside me, and play the straight man until this cartoon is over.”

    Mr. Albert CaMagoo

  184. KreatureFeatures
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    “We have to touch Indians. We have to see the mountains and the prairies and the whole rest of that song. Let’s make love right now.”

    Albert Brooks

  185. KreatureFeatures
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    “Say it! Say it! Say “I lost the nest-egg.” Go on, say it!”

    Albert Brooks, about an hour later.

  186. Voshkod
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    I think Dawg’s actual line – in a more realistic world, in which dogs had thought bubbles – would be “I hope they don’t stop publishing our daily newpaper. How else is the master going to get poop bags if someone doesn’t throw him one every morning stuffed with useless papers?”

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#170): @Nehemiah Scudder, insufferably smug myself (#18): A couple days ago, This Guy mentioned cartographic trap streets. The challenge is clear! Fabricate a likely-sounding dull platitude, calculated to be irresistible to Karen Moy, post it on brainyquotes.com with a big-name bogus attribution, and wait to see if it turns up in Mary Worth.

    That might be a long wait, considering the number of story arcs that run in a year — but would be well “worth” it, if the “quote” contained a coded message. Long ago I read about a poet who had managed to get one of his pieces accepted by The New Yorker. That would be glory enough for most people, you might think, but he had written it so the first letters of each line spelled out a vulgar suggestion specifically naming the magazine’s poetry editor. (The story may not be true, but it ought to be.)

    But, if one could make a quote up, bland, grand, and convincing enough that it eventually made it onto an inspirational poster, or into a mega-preacher’s mega-selling self-help book — and it had a fairly easy-to-find coded message that said something like, “Only an idiot would think (famous thinker name here) ever said something dumb as this!”, that would be profit enough.

  188. The Grandstander
    December 10th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    185 comments and only one on Sally Forth. This is going to be one GREAT Christmas story arc.

    That said, all the Camus/Mary Worth comments have me laughing my arm off!

  189. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Fan of Dead-Tree Newspapers (#175): One could argue the whole thing would not matter if (a) I had a dog to retrieve the paper for me…

    I’ve trained my dog to grab the newspaper from the walkway, shake it out of its plastic bag, and spread the sections at random across the front lawn. That way I can easily stroll about and get an overview of the contents as I regather them, so I can decide which parts to read first, later, or not at all. It’s a wonderful convenience.

  190. Mike Hock
    December 10th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Some more philosophizing inspired by Mary Worth:

    “I think my arm has grown back, theref– whaddya know, it has!” – Rene Descartes

    “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then your arm grows back” – Gandhi

    “All money is a matter of belief. An arm that grows back — now, that’s real.” – Adam Smith

  191. Voshkod
    December 10th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Mike Hock (#190): Don’t forget Hemingway’s masterpiece, A Hello to Arms.

  192. Shrug, Being Disarming
    December 10th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#191):

    And:

    “Arms for the poor, arms for the poor” — Charities collecting limbs for the Jims of the World

    “Arm and the man I sing…” — Virgil’s AENEID (the drastically abridged version)

    “Arm and the man I hum, ‘cuz I forgot the words” — Virgil’s AENEID, (the drastically abridged and rewritten for modern readers version)

    “Armageddon out of here.” — THE REVELATIONS OF ST. JOHN THE DIVINE

    “Arm can come to a young lad like that.” — Bluebottle of THE GOON SHOW\

    “Let’s limb-go some more” — Chubby Checker

  193. Alison
    December 10th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @karyn (#13):
    Jim got a prosthetic arm last week, but it was only mentioned in one strip and now everybody seems to have forgotten all about it. Which is extremely odd, since this whole dramatic arc was built on the fact Jim thought Dawn didn’t want to date him because he was missing his arm. I think it would have been better if Jim had appeared waving his new arm at Dawn and saying, “Hey, baby, check it out! An arm! Now we can go make sweet, sweet love!”

  194. Shrug, Channeling O, Henry Youngman?
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#193):

    The problem is that to pay for the prosthetic arm, Jim had to sell his Naughty Bits to a mad surgeon.

    Meanwhile, Dawn tried to raise money for Jim’s pier problem by selling her hair, explaining why she replaced it with a badly-painted football helmet.

    It’s sort of like “The Gift of the Magi,” except not well done or surprising or touching.

  195. Voshkod
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Channeling O, Henry Youngman? (#194):

    Don’t worry, it will all work out for the best. After all, what do you think the mad surgeon used to make Jim’s new arm?

    Don’t shake his hand too vigorishly.

  196. odinthor
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    #187. NS.

    But, if one could make a quote up, bland, grand, and convincing enough that it eventually made it onto an inspirational poster, or into a mega-preacher’s mega-selling self-help book — and it had a fairly easy-to-find coded message that said something like, “Only an idiot would think (famous thinker name here) ever said something dumb as this!”, that would be profit enough.

    “I believe it will be found a true observation, that there never was anything so absurd or ridiculous, but has at one time or another been written by some author of reputation: A reflection it may not be improper for writers to make, as being at once some mortification to their vanity, and some comfort to their infirmity.” —Alexander Pope (Observations on the Fourth Book of the Iliad of Homer).

  197. DaveyK
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Jim’s going to walk to the end of the pier and then some tragedy is going to occur which leads to his watery death, right? Because otherwise Jim could become a recurring character and nobody wants that. Least of all Dawn.

  198. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#196): Are you sure that was Pope? Because I think Lady Gaga said that on the Oprah show a while back. Anyhow, it’s an apt restatement of Cicero’s:

    Nihil tam absurde dici potest, quod not dicatur ab aliquo philosophorum.
    There is nothing so ridiculous, that some philosopher has not said it.

    // But that was long before, on the Tonight Show when Steve Allen hosted.

  199. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#185):

    That is a good movie.
    —————————-
    BTW, with this Crock strip…

    the lady in the orange is (somehow) sporting a Queen-sized (if that would be the right way to frame it) camel-toe. Maybe said Stalking, cap-wearing Camel is stalking her? So, when he says (for some reason) “hot bod”, he means the lady in the orange.

  200. Dawg Flagston
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    “I’m walking here! I’m walking here!” – “Ratso” Rizzo

    “Well sir, I have a silly walk and I’d like to obtain a Government grant to help me develop it.” -Mr Pudley

  201. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    I have come to accept – nay, embrace – the anti-drama that is Mary Worth. It is the Ginsu knife of deconstruction, turning our expectations of plot, character and intelligibility on their heads.

    Pomo MaWo. It is the only way.

  202. Daniel
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    FC Here Dolly has stuffed her family and–no, too easy

  203. This Guy
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#201): Combining lit-crit and Mary Worth? That’s pretty much my personal nightmare.

  204. AndyL
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    I wonder what kind of publicity Margo’s agency generates if she doesn’t seem to be able to keep track of what her clients are doing? “You should hire this guy, we think he’s cute.”

  205. bats :[
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

  206. odinthor
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#198):

    Doubtless Pope, very much a classicist, was familiar with the—er, excuse me—with teh Cicero. On talk shows, as I recall, he usually gave saying it a Rip Taylor treatment, complete with confetti.

  207. Sgt. Stoned
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Hell is–other people.”–Jean-Paul Sartre

    MT: Yes, the shark tore up Otto’s leg which we can see from all the blood.

    Archie: Here’s another: The Twilight Zone.

  208. seismic-2
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Dawn and Jim will walk down the pier together. John will trip over Dawn’s enormous feet, and he will start to tumble into the water. Dawn will reach for him, she will grab and pull on his prosthetic arm, and it will rip off. Hemorrhaging from the shoulder, Jim’s unbalanced torso plunges into the lethal currents of Santa Royale Bay, his single arm extended high above the surface in a plaintive cry for help. The passer-by who failed in his rescue attempt will forever more wonder what the drowning man meant by his final words, “Told ya!!!”

  209. Mr. O'Malley
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

  210. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#205): Another mashup masterpiece!

  211. Zerowolf
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    9CL: At the risk of being called a Beefwit, who the fuck talks like this, ever?

  212. Zerowolf
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#205): Brilliant as always.

  213. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    Anybody notice that gocomics.com is now running “Classic Dilbert”? 1989, it looks like. Has Scott Adams really been doing this for 23+ years? I must be getting old…

  214. Comcis Fan
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

  215. Mr. O'Malley
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187): Film producer Sam Goldwyn was renowned for his many malapropisms, which were frequently quoted in the movie gossip columns. Apparently some of the screenwriters had a competition to coin an ersatz Goldwynism and get it in print. The winner: “It rolls off my back like a duck.”

  216. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox:

    My god! I’ve never even tried that one out.

    Just what does he call what he has in his pocket? A “pussy detector”?

    Just look how freaking happy he is to test the statue! I’ve never seen that Fox so assured of himself.

    //If the it were a statue of anything else, I wouldn’t “go there”….aw…hell, I probably would anyhow.

    Man, if I had read the funnies earlier today, I’d be in a better mood.

  217. Zerowolf
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Christ, this is going to be awkward having our nightly phone sex session in front of Luann and Rosa. At least Luann has seen the mighty book inch worm in action before.

  218. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#206): That was indeed the Golden Age of Television! Remember the show where Steve Allen had Al Pope (or Pope Alexander, as he preferred), Julius Caesar, Sid Caesar, Cesare Borgia, and Sid Vicious on? Steve and Sid played a duet, Julius did his signature Gaulish jokes*, and Borgia had everyone in stitches after claiming to have poisoned the green room gin. What a night!

    // You just have to say “Vercingetorix”, and I still break up, after all these years!

  219. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#215): “It rolls off my back like a duck.” Heh!

    But you are mistaken. That wasn’t Sam or his writers. I checked brainyquotes and it was Albert Camus.

  220. Ed Bob
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Margo gestures like a gay man. But then again, she DOES wear the beard.

  221. Mike
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#100): Crock is amazing to me. Its been around for what, 25, 30 years? Its been discontinued but like a zombie it still is lurching around somewhere. Yet it has NEVER ever made me laugh. I won’t go on about why its a not-good-strip, I think everyone here already knows that. But somewhere there must be fans of it, how else could it have been around for so long? Either that or a lot of comics editors really don’t give a @#!!. I can’t think of any other reason.

  222. CanuckDownSouth
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    No matter how ridiculous Jim’s phobia cure is, or how glurgey the platitudes, I do give Mary Worth props for actually getting an amputee fitted with a prosthetic, instead of moping around with a rolled-up sleeve for decades *cough*Funky Winkerbean*cough*

  223. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Maybe it’s because of my exposure to B.C., but I find I wouldn’t be surprised to find that the “hot chick” in Crock actually is named “Hot Bod”. After all, that fat woman is named “Grossie”, and thinking about it, I’m disgusted to realize that I know that.

  224. Chrononhotonthologos
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#219):

    Sam Goldwin: It rolls off my back like a duck!
    Albert Camus: I wish I had said that!
    Nehemiah Scudder: You will, Albert. You will.

  225. Mr. O'Malley
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Chrononhotonthologos (#224):
    His epigrams are not his own
    The man’s an epigramophone
    –Nicholas Bentley

  226. Uncle Lumpy
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#211):

    … who the fuck talks like this, ever?

    It’s how stupid people think smart people talk.

  227. Dagger
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    “Should I kill myself or have a cup of coffee?” –Albert Camus

  228. Uncle Lumpy
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    @Dagger (#227):

    How good is the coffee where you are?

  229. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#226): Ah! As Paul Krugman said of Newt Gingrich — though I cannot guarantee Krugman said it first. Well applied here.

    Every character in Jack Vance’s science fiction novels spoke like this, but he managed to pull it off. It’s probably a long-form thing. And a matter of taste — I know people who can’t abide Vance at any price.

  230. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Mike (#221): About this particular strip: It’s offensive to women. It’s offensive to the French Foreign Legion. It’s offensive to humanity in general, and it’s offensive to camels.

    And yet, inexplicably, it’s not funny.

    // Though it is consistent, as you point out, with the rest of the Crock oeuvre.

  231. Chrononhotonthologos
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#225): Ah, Nicolas, Son of Edmond, Clerihew of Bentley. Well, I shall certainly be stealing that little gem.

    // Plagiarism is basic to all culture. Charles Seeger, father of Pete.

  232. Liam
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    “Don’t walk in front of me; I make faces behind your back.”

    “Don’t walk in front of me; I’ll just kick you in the ass.”

    “Don’t walk in front of me; I’ll just run away.”

    Snuffy Smith-”Yes it would but do you know how many virgins or lost city folk we would have to sacrifice to get it running.”

  233. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#230):

    And yet, this is the second time in a week it has made the snark cut.

    I say the quality of the strip speaks volumes. Whether it is zombified or petrified, somehow the most recently re-published ones are worthy of ridicule.

    Heck, as far as we know this strip was from 1872 or maybe 1873.

  234. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    Catharsis Joe: What about these places where there’s only one set of footprints on the beach? (Like the time I lost my eye: “A glass eye costs how much again? Never mind, just gimme a patch.”)
    Jesus: It was at those times, my son, that you were too weary to walk, and so I carried you.
    Catharsis Joe: How about this place here where there’s just one set of footprints and a wavy line?
    Jesus: That was when you were too heavy to carry, my son, so I used a wheelbarrow.
    Catharsis Joe: And how about where there’s just a bunch of dots?
    Jesus: Pogo stick.
    (from “Catharsis Joe” comic by McGeehan, printed in PortFolio around 1989-90ish)

  235. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Way back in 2003 I was involved in a somewhat, um, acrimonious online discussion on the invasion of Iraq. Someone called me a hook-nosed camel fucker. (I still treasure the insult)

    I didn’t know the camel had left me for Crock though.

  236. endless sky
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    FC: REAL people at the Christmas play, not just parents?? Seriously Dolly, no one attends children’s plays except parents, grandparents, and the occasional pedophile.

    And shouldn’t that be “Winter Festival” play?

  237. cholling
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    Between Crock’s horrible three-fingered man-camel to Jim’s magically reappearing arm, today is a truly frightening day for appendages.

  238. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#156): I have discovered another use for that piece of equipment.

    It can be used to shine the braille toads.

  239. Peanut Gallery
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187): “Only consider: I’m an unrivaled mendacious idiot. So why would an editor think any quote I gave him ever was truly said? Merely scribbling something, I’m struck dumb, forever mute, as silent as this yellowed page.”
    – Mark Twain

  240. Peanut Gallery
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    “My friend, be beside me and just walk. Follow, I may not. In front of me, don’t walk. Lead, I may not. Behind me, don’t walk.”
    – Yma Sumac

  241. Peanut Gallery
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#238): But can it be used to bite the wax tadpole?

  242. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

  243. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#203): Verily, it is a sloth of despond.

  244. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    Mary, Mary Worth, the Dame of the Great Lame Woods!

    So, I find myself transfixed less by the Camus quote as much as just how far both Dawn and her stalker buddy need to walk before they submerge into the briny deep.
    In panel two, if I look at the right side of the pier, they have aways to go. So this could take a couple of days.
    However, if I focus on the left side of the panel, it looks like they are almost falling to their doo….waitasec! Nope. The pier keeps going and going.

    Since Dawn has yet to official recant her slogan de summer, Life is Brutal, I can only presume that soon her slogan de winter will be, Life was Brutal.

    Dammit. Where’s Wilbur and his mini-Subsammich Submarine when you need ‘em!?
    That Ew fangled object was MIA in the Cruise Ship Catastophe of 2012 (never forget!) But, it better be busted out now so that Dawn doesn’t sink any lower.

    Oh, who am I tryin’ ta kid. This entire wrap up of a lame encounter Dawn had is just lame. And, by lame I mean boring, implausible, not-scintillating at all. I don’t mean lame lame. That would be lame on my part.

  245. Poteet
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Where is that dentist from MARATHON MAN when we need him?

  246. bunivasal
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    Wow. Unironic kudos to Hi & Lois for spitting up the phrase “online content aggregator” and actually resembling a comic written this century.

  247. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#245):
    That reminds me.

    Earlier today, I read a little over a week’s worth of that strip. So it is about a couple of yuppies who are into the arts and visiting the dentist and trading hats?

    I learned to rub my chin and nod at each strip. Nodding with approval, I might add.
    My hipster bonafides are long out of date so I figure it must be cool. Because cool don’t require a background setting. That is sooooo square, daddios!

    The one thing which still confuses me is how on earth people can write as much about the strip as they do. There’s more happening in those Henry strips than is happening here.

    Even today’s, with the was just some New Yorker magazine cartoon with the top-heavy addition of a set up line, uttered by the dentist. Blah!
    Blah! Bluh, Blah, Blah!

    At least Mary Worth has (badly) drawn backgrounds.

  248. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#246):

    Oh, I think it crossed that bridge when Thirsty revealed he didn’t park his car in his garage. Instead he parked a Big Box of Beer, which filled up the garage.

    I am waiting for Hi & Lois to kick back and embrace their beatnik peccadilloes. Let it all hang out. Maybe while the kids are at the unseen grandparents’ home…or where ever the grandparents are at.

    Clove cigarettes for Lois.
    For Hi…well, for Hi…it is just flippin’ obvious what he’ll be smoking.

  249. Sequitur
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#248):

    For Hi…well, for Hi…it is just flippin’ obvious what he’ll be smoking.

    Does it involve an elephant?

  250. Sequitur
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

  251. Mr. Worldly Wiseguy
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#243): Verily, it is a sloth of despond.

    That’s not so bad. It is the Giant of Bad Hair you got to watch out for.

  252. Poteet
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#247): I can’t explain why I both read and loathe 9CL. It happened so gradually that by the time I realized it was too late, it was too late. Obviously it’s not too late for you. Perhaps you are not susceptible, you lucky soul.

  253. Poteet
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#250): If he started working on Amos, yes, I’d be happy.

  254. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#252):

    I think my thing is that my attention span is too short for the so-so artwork to carry a day’s strip. I zipped through that week’s worth of strips. If you were to ask me what happened. I’d be caught saying that nothing happened.

    I don’t begrudge you or anyone else for reading it though. I just don’t see anything in it. This is the second time I tried to see what was up with it and, once again, nothing was happening. It was just three consecutive images with barely any difference between each drawing.

    Though, in all due respect the mistletoe strips did break up the monotony. The one that was two panels, one with a dude hanging the mistletoe and the next one with someone tackling him would have been hilarious if it had been Snoopy and Lucy.

  255. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#249):
    I dung think so.

  256. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#254):

    By “second time” I mean that during the Summer, I tried reading some Fellini-esque event that occurred between a ballerina in a dark void. What happened during that event……? I dunno.

    Again, if it had been Lucy and Charlie Brown and a Football…Touchdown!

  257. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#247):

    Oh yeah.

    When I wrote:
    Blah!
    Blah! Bluh, Blah, Blah!

    That was supposed to represent a horn section blaring to the synchronize motion of jazz hands.

    When writing it, wasn’t that obvious to me that it wasn’t clear. Upon reading it, it needed clarification.

    hahaha!

    jazz
    haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaands!
    jazzhands!

  258. Poteet
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#257): Just as an experiment, you could try PIBGORN sometime and see if it seems similarly empty to you. Mind you, that’s not a recommendation.

  259. tallyHO
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#258):

    I’ve seen it referenced here quite often but, alas, I have not seen one of those yet. In fact, for a while I thought it was some blog that guy has where he says stupid stuff, sort of like a deranged man on a stump at a liquored up country revival.

    But, it is actually a comic strip? I’ll take your anti-recommendation to heart.

  260. Poteet
    December 11th, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#259): Some Mudges are hooked on PIBGORN. I managed to pull away after a few months. Since you seem to be immune to the dark force that is 9CL, you might find it interesting and instructive to visit the other side of Brooke, as it were, at least once or twice. I pointed out that my post was not a recommendation for legal reasons. Just in case you did get hooked, I wanted to avoid legal action:-).

  261. Poteet
    December 11th, 2012 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    JP — Oooh, what fun. And we can watch it all over again in a couple of years when Katherine announces to Randy that she must and will have grandchildren, and then lays down the rules regarding when the grandchildren must arrive and what sexes they must be.

  262. Droopy Says
    December 11th, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: At last, a plot development to distract us from the Kraven Follies: Peter Parker is so bored he’s going to look for a supervillain.

    Flinky Flunky Flabby: So, what? Blobby Komix Seller is going to tell Krazy that his union and his pension will cover him? That for all its bleakness, Cancerville is not a badly-drawn and poorly-narrated version of Dickensian England? Without first hearing Krazy ramble about his impending poverty? So what?

    Phantom: I’m really impressed by the miraculous powers of those trees. Just yesterday Stripey-Butt had snapped off a thick, bent, splintery section of branch, and today it’s grown into a long, straight shaft, suitable for carving into a razor-sharp blade at one end. No wonder the hungry kitty sits there, mesmerized and unmoving.

    Family Circus: I stared into the black, empty void of Dolly’s mouth, but nothing stared back at me.

    Mock Trail: The lack of blood leads me conclude that the local sharks need a better dental plan.

    Pluggers: Pluggers lead such a pathetic existence that they have to check the obituaries to see if they’re dead or alive. If their local newspaper goes out of business, they will be reduced to a pathetic existential quandary.

    Shoe: A joke so feeble it can’t stir up a patented look of goggle-eyed horror? This may be a first.

  263. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 11th, 2012 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#239):

    If God desired only obedience, and I, sadly misled, had not ever thought, through error, of free will, that would suffice.

    John Calvin, The Institutes of the Christian Religion, 1536.

  264. Droopy Says
    December 11th, 2012 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#260): Pibgorn reminds me of a quote I saw somewhere on the interwebs today: Pibgorn is what unsophisticated people think sophisticated humor looks like. I think Joe Camel said it.

  265. Poteet
    December 11th, 2012 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    S-M — The real question is why Sherry didn’t tell Kraven to stick that tiara where the sun doesn’t shine. This is 2012, not 1912.

  266. Droopy Says
    December 11th, 2012 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#265): The real question is, will this have anything to do with what passes for a story in Spiderman? To be fair, this arc has been unusually coherent for ASM. They’ve only forgot one major character so far (the animal-training blonde on Long Island) and one major artifact (what happened to the suitcase that Parker webbed to that outdoor wall?), and they spelled “Las Vegas” correctly.

  267. Droopy Says
    December 11th, 2012 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Mar’ma’duq: C’mon, Phil, let your child interfere with the Hellhound’s arousal. It’s the perfect Darwinian moment.

  268. Charly
    December 11th, 2012 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    Let us rejoice, indeed, at having witnessed the death of a lying and comfort-loving Europe and at being faced with cruel truths.
    ATTRIBUTION: ALBERT CAMUS, “Create Dangerously,” lecture given at the University of Uppsala, Sweden, December 1957.—Camus, Resistance, Rebellion and Death, trans. Justin O’Brien, p. 270 (1961).

    Camus, to Wilbur

  269. Mr. O'Malley
    December 11th, 2012 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    @Charly (#268): Let us not forget his additional advice to Wilbur:

    ALBERT CAMUS, “Create Delicatessen,” lecture given at the University of Bologna, Italy, December 1958.—Camus, Albert Camus Contre la Peine de Mortadella

    ALBERT CAMUS, “Reflections on the Galantine,” lecture given at the Annual Luncheon of the Portable Food Society, Mayo, Ireland, June 1959.—Camus, Between Hellmann’s and Raisin Toast

  270. Peanut Gallery
    December 11th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#263): You haven’t read The Adventure of the ‘Gloria Scott’ as many times as I have.

  271. Christopher
    December 11th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “History repeats itself: first as tragedy, then as farce.”-Karl Marx

  272. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 11th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    A&J: ROFL!

    9CL: FN Thorax; dr.

    HotC: Dean haz hammerspace?!? also, “CLOON!”

    rIP: *snurk*

    SBp: “come to Alpha Centauri, we have cookies!” I guess cookies and lemonade is a nice thing, but that dude definitively has a post-probe face.

    Bizzaro: *squeeee*

    DT: Belle, you are NOT Harley Quinn, you don’t get to do the the “Mister B” thing.

    Lockhorns: Loretta just caught him spanking to pr0n at work.

    PMP: ouch. that’s harsh.

    Ghost-who-probes prepares another cat-roofie.

    RwO: points for cleverness.

    6Cx: sometimes, the truth is ewwww.

    SFx: thermometer goes WHERE?!? *runs*

  273. Anonymous
    December 11th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Camus? Looks like the only Sisyphus in the story was Dawn. For such being such a sissy and putting up such a fuss! Am I right? No? Okay, fair enough.

  274. un malpaso
    December 11th, 2012 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    “The show must go on, even in spite of maniacal clowns.” ~Albert Camus

    Hey, call me king of the callbacks!

  275. Charly
    December 12th, 2012 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    Best comment thread ever.

  276. Sterling
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Next year, on a very special Hi and Lois, the dog is put to sleep. (Also the dying newspaper industry.)

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