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Carrion crack-ups

Lockhorns, 12/12/12

A line from the movie Alien often pops into my head when I read the Lockhorns: “I admire its purity.” A lot of comics would engage in marital misanthropy laffs about leftovers being served once too often; only the Lockhorns has the nerve to portray those leftovers as a plate-sized, undifferentiated shit-colored mound. Leroy’s not just cracking wise about the vultures; this is rotting organic matter that can literally only be eaten by creatures with very specialized digestive systems.

Herb and Jamaal, 12/12/12

Man, things sure were better in the good old days, right? Athletes of an earlier, better time never got involved in gambling or cheating or drugs or any of that business. What could be the cause of all the young sports people doing bad things? Is it the rap music? Probably the rap music.

Luann, 12/12/12

“Talk about yourself!” Probably the best dating advice for teens ever? Sure!

287 responses to “Carrion crack-ups”

  1. Atheist amongst the flock
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    RA: Hope springs alive. This is the third day in a row that RA has not been updated on WaPo. Maybe the paper that spawned this creature is killing it off.

  2. Bruce T. Paddock
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Why is Gunther taking dating advice from Flat Stanley?

  3. Steve
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    S-M/MW: Crossover week continues! Yesterday, Mary consoled a heartbroken Sherry. Today, Mary inspires a lonely security guard to open up to a coworker. And once again, Peter comes to the rescue of no one because he is busy foiling a crime that exists only in his imagination.

  4. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    @Atheist amongst the flock (#1): that would be the best news from the funnies since ACK!thy was axed.

  5. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    9CL – It’s a trick question, Amos! None of those are the day of the week. It’s Wednesday! Don’t worry, your membership in the pseudo-intellectual society is, if anything, only made more secure by this slip-up.

    A3G – Margo’s back-patting might resonate more if we had seen her actually do (make? cause?) any publicity for her only client, or if she hadn’t been the last person to learn that he had landed the big role.

    Luann – No. Sewing and bowling do not make you inherently interesting. Rather the opposite, in fact. Think about it, Gunt, you are taking relationship advice from someone who is in a long-long-distance relationship with Luann!

    MW- Dawn finds it very creepy that Jim keeps detaching his prosthetic and dangling it from her shoulder like that. But, it is better than the times he holds it with his remaining, fleshy arm and uses it to lift up her skirt and finger her.

  6. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    MW-Dear Wendy, When did you turn your column from answering people’s question to being your personal soapbox full of platitudes that you can find in any self help book?

    FW-”Oh by the way have I mentioned that I was fired from the Post Office without any benefits. If I haven’t mentioned it for the fifty millionth time in this conversation let me bring it up now.”

    Gil Thorp-That’s not Stefan. That’s a mannequin.

    Love Is-On the back of a moped?

    MT-So now you bring out the first aid kit. Where was this kit hours ago when you two were in the boat?

    JP-Dude he just broke her brain in that last panel.

    JP 2-Dear Wendy, My son just told me he wanted to elope when he gets married but I want a big lavish ceremony where I can control every little detail and aspect of it all. What should I do?

    FC-Ride it to the bottom and see.

    Luann-Nothing turns a girl on faster than knowing that a guy knows how to sew clothes.

  7. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Luann-Their are only two interesting people, Gunther, who bowl The Dude and Stanley Kowalski and you are neither one of them.

  8. Chareth Cutestory
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Herb and Jamaal: Since this strip offers no real context about why dogfighting would be included in this lament, I imagine more than a few peoples’ grandmas will read this strip and get the idea that bloodsport is now part of normal sporting events. Maybe baseball will be less boring now?

  9. pugfuggly
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns I find this strip a lot more amusing if you imagine that each panel is just a lead-in to some hot middle-aged rage-sex. Hey, they can’t have been together this long without something keeping them together.

    Luann I haven’t seen this strip in awhile. Did Gunther get a little ‘Great Gazoo’ sidekick to make him a little more interesting? It’s not working.

  10. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Luann— Luann demonstrates the valsalva maneuver, her preferred method of bowl movement.

  11. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Frazz: *squick*

    Doons: zzzzing!

    HotC: heeeee. *gigglez*

    Lio: I want that in a poster.

    PBS: GO! run, little chained dog! get to Mutts, they’ll treat you right!

    Zits: Connie’s been into the medical maryjane again.

    Crank: /facepalm

    Bizarro: interesting take on the “cats have 9 lives” concept.

    JP: /facefault. Rex does it better. . . .

    MG&G: o ye godz. not eleven more of these. shoot me now.

    PMP: *applaz* nicely done.

    RMMD: improbable Juneboob powers, ACTIVATE!

    Retail: well put.

  12. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . Vespanal.

  13. Froggy
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    MW: “Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.” Let me guess — this one was NOT by Camus. Am I right?

  14. Ethan Shuster
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Yes, Gunther, you can talk about how everyone assumes you’re gay.

  15. Little Blue Bicycle
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    L: Someday Gunther will be mildly interesting for three weeks on Project Runway.

  16. Ethan Shuster
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    If the Lockhorns doesn’t become one of those never-ending legacy comics, I have a suggestion for what the final strip should be. I’m picturing the two spouses in a panel with with a empty white background. And one of them just finally says: “FUCK. YOU.”

  17. Fats Pinto
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    I look at The Lockhorns and I notice that the colorist has taken the time to differentiate between the salt and pepper shakers. These are not two interchangeable white ceramic shakers, these are glass shakers and one is full of salt and the other is full of pepper. Condiments to season the undifferentiated fecal mass on an aqua plate which Loretta prepared in a featureless void and will now deliberately place at the table setting without a place mat, and which Leroy will eat with a misshapen fork and no knife. But someone watches over the Lockhorns and cares for them, tries to ease their torment and hopes that, one day, things will turn out all right.

  18. Christopher
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Leroy and Loretta then resumed circling, each waiting for the other to die.

  19. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    MT: So Mark is the only source of first aid on the island? If he wasn’t there with his duffel bag, what would the islanders do? Leave Otto to bleed out, and serve him up for dinner later? “A grown man has died this time! Fiesta!”

    PBS: Run, little chained-up pup, run! Dear Stephan Pastis: Please please please give this little dog a happy ending!

    MW: Ohmygod, are we really going to get a week of Mary’s metameddle? Can someone please call the Mayans and ask them to move up doomsday so we can cut this short?

  20. Alice
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Luann: The only way being into “sewing and bowling” would make a guy interesting is if he were able to sew a bowling ball. Because that would mean he had reality-warping powers. And if Gunther had those, he’d sooner or later figure out how to warp himself into a guy who can talk to women without the “advice” of a smartphone pal who’s as much a relationship-waffler as Gunther is. (“Hey Luann, Yank, let’s actually be a couple now that there’s no possibility of us doing any icky touching.”)

  21. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    From here on, every Beetle Bailey ought to contain today’s panel 2, regardless of what’s happening the other panels.

    Meanwhile, the new Gil Thorp story is apparently a backdoor entry in the Mannequin franchise.

    Over at Hi & Lois‘s, Trixie’s gender essentialist socialization continues apace.

    In Las Vegas, Spider-Man‘s suspicions are confirmed, primarily because has so many — one of them is bound to be true.

  22. MrGuy
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#9): I didn’t see Quill’s (is that Australian Man’s name? Do I really care?) face at first, so I assumed that Josh had plunged us into the midst of a week-spanning arc in which Gunther begins hearing things from his smartphone when it’s not even turned on (leading to a Very Special Strip about coping with schizophrenia).

  23. Greg
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Rosa thinks Luann is funny. Surely that’s something you could explore–understand what’s wrong with her, suss out her deep neuroses, try to find a cure somehow. Maybe there’s no hope, but it’s a start.

  24. Chip Whittle
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft is driving a clown car there, right? An angry, bitter little clown car half his size?

  25. teenchy
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Bruce T. Paddock (#2): In case you haven’t noticed, Flat Stanley gets around.

    My Luann QotD, probably touched upon many times: Why does Evans use a single, universal “attractive woman” hairstyle? Luann, Rosa, Toni, Luann’s mom, even Ann Eiffel all sport the same slightly below shoulder length, slightly poofy up top ‘do. The only variations are for characters that are either comic relief or straw women – Tiffany, Bernice, Delta, the goth girl whose name I can’t remember.

    Totally unironic and unsnarky Q but, given the oft-stated trope that Evans draws Luann primarily as his own fetish fuel, I expect the answer lies somewhere within that trope.

  26. pugfuggly
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    A3G Evan may not be James Bond, but he did manage to get the role of Lotsa Heart Elephant in that Care Bears animated flic.

    FW Short version:” My books were my priority, and now I don’t have a job. How did that happen…?”

    MW What’s amazing about Mary Worth is that it’s pioneered a whole new sixth section of the dramatic structure I like to call ‘smug self-congratulations’, or ‘pie-eating time’. Just imagine how much better your favourite novel would be if the last third of the story was just the main character reflecting on how awesome they are while stuffing their face at a diner.

  27. Hibbleton
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    MW: “Dear Ask Wendy, my husband refuses to close the bathroom door when he uses it, even when we have company.” -Shamed in Charterstone
    “Dear Sic; Too often we are tempted to shut down ..to close our doors. Not realizing that there are kindred spirits all around us!”

  28. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (y#218): Close. They wouldn’t build me the pastoral jacuzzi suite to which I felt entitled.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (y#222) @seismic-2 (y#219): I’m not sure if it was my eyes crossing when I read that, or the hemispheres of my brain.

  29. Voshkod
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    I’ll defend Gunther here; he’s interesting. So were John Wayne Gacy and Jeffrey Dahmer. Gunther is so interesting that within a decade or two he’ll be the subject of several graduate theses, a paper used by FBI profilers, and a popular true-crime book by Joe McGinniss. Meanwhile, Luann will only be remembered as his first victim.

  30. gleeb
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: If this were the work of another artist, I’d say that young woman in the car is bored, or tired of the steroid-induced rages of her young man. Since it’s Batiuk, I’m guessing there going shopping for a new kidney.

    ‘bean: More Crazy Harry. I ain’t reading that.

    Mark: Is Trail just being noble? No, I think he really doesn’t know Otto was trying to kill him.

    Mary: The best part is that Mary is writing this in a room alone.

    Zits: Actually, it’s a new moon tonight. Good conditions for an amphibious assault, if anyone’s been planning one.

  31. Hibbleton
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    MT: Looks like they won’t be needing that first aid kit after all as Otto appears to have turned into a mannequin.

  32. The Ghost of Jarrod
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    PBS – Go Andy!

    Rip – This is more Mark Trail than Mark Trail.

    MT – Well, a first aid kid should take care of a shark bite.

    Luann – Look, I sympathize with Gunther; back when I was young and insecure, I had no first move whatsoever. That said, if a girl flat-out told me that she wanted to make out, I tended to believe her. Rosa has directly told Gunther that she likes him and would like to canoodle. The fact that he still can’t bring himself to isn’t amusing, it’s pathological.

    S4th – I think we’re starting to see why Ted ended up Ted.

  33. gleeb
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#30): “they’re going shopping.” Sorry.

  34. Horace Broon
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    ASM: “The tiara being brought to Kraven isn’t really the one he wants to steal! It all makes sense now!”

    Crank: Man, the deadened expression on that girl’s face is depressing. It’s like she knows what “Senior Parking” means, but she’s long since resigned herself to the fact she’s dating an aggressive moron, and knows there’s no point even trying to explain.

    GT “Why won’t he love me, like I love him?”

    H&L: No gender stereotyping here, clearly.

    Pluggers: Pluggers have no idea what DirectTV means or how to make a play on words about it.

    RM: June is absolutely shocked by this, because she wasn’t really paying attention when the other strippers explained that Junior wasn’t charging rent because the money was all going to help Delores. And really, who can blame her?

  35. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#26): Just imagine how much better your favourite novel would be if the last third of the story was just the main character reflecting on how awesome they are while stuffing their face at a diner.

    Depends. Would there be Rainbow Swirl ice cream? Would it be free? And would the character be wearing Depends?

  36. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn – Hmmm. New Pibgorn still isn’t up on Gocomics. Brooke must still be wanking over the fairy porn he drew for yesterday’s strip.

  37. Doctor Handsome
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Yeah, what’s happened to sports? Ty Cobb must be looking down from Heaven and shaking his head.

  38. Irrischano
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Is it bad that I completely forgot the characters in Luann are supposed to be teenagers? I’m one, but I cannot relate whatsoever to these characters. (with their smug expressions and bowling league with non-matching uniforms) Also: they have names like “Luann” and “Gunther”.

  39. TheDiva
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    H&J: The big sports names of my generation include Pete Rose and Mike Tyson–I figure this automatically precludes me from any “back in my day athletes were gentlemen!” ranting in my later years.

    Luann: Oh, Gunther is interesting, all right–in the way that Ted Bundy and Jack the Ripper are interesting.

  40. Here come the Judge
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: I think Katherine is going to require emergency surgery to get her face un-stuck from that expression. Who’s payin’ for THAT, Randy?

    And geez- is Rosa really that much stronger than Luann?

  41. Illustrator Steve
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    MT – I’m missing something here. Today’s clip art shows Mark and Otto dripping wet, which is assumed to be from when Mark jumped overboard to save Otto, rather than from perspiring. It had to have taken quite some time for Mark to paddle his way miles to shore which, from the exurtion, could certainly make Mark perspire, but all Otto has been doing is laying passed out on the deck. The hot tropical sun would have dried them both off long before now. WHAT has happened here? Did they encounter a typhoon? A storm? A terrible flood? Or is it because Andy was so excited to see Mark on the dock that he couldn’t control himself and urinated all over the both of them? Or, maybe it IS from their perspiration because something sure does stink about all this!

  42. Doctor Handsome
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    I’m trying to think of the two least interesting hobbies in the world for my joke here, and I just can’t top sewing and bowling. You win this round, Evans!

  43. Holly Folly
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Gunther’s friend is a talking tablet. That he takes to the bowling alley and talks to instead of talking to the two hot chicks that are there with him? I don’t really know if the creators of Luann know about the ‘forever alone guy’ but I certainly know they just drew him.

  44. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#40):

    Rosa has the beak-lips and prehensile hair-helmet of a non-virgin. Based on the evidence of Toni, that status also includes super-strength.

  45. Downpuppy brings you pies
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    With the rest of Luann’s face today meant to show somebody has switched a cannonball for her bowling ball, the horns sticking out of her hair almost make sense.

  46. Doctor Handsome
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    “Leroy, you don’t appreciate anything. Why do I even bother slowly poisoning you?”

  47. TheDiva
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    9CL: Shhh, nobody tell him the answer–if he spends enough time puzzling this out, we won’t have to see Thorax the Smile Vendor for the rest of the week.

    C’shaft: Of course The Kids These Days are the only people ruder and more abrasive than Crankshaft. Of course.

    FW: “These books are in pristine condition! You must have never read them.”
    “Actually I read them constantly–I loved them more than my own wife, in fact.”
    “Well, then they can’t be in pristine condition. Even if you were careful, normal wear and tear would–”
    “Silence! They’re perfect! The money from this collection will be enough to replace the severance and pension money I’m too stupid to collect! The Dark God Batiuk has willed it so!”

    MT: “Actually, Mr. Trail, we have a hospital just–”
    “Shhh, don’t worry, my poor simple native girl, the strapping white man will take care of everything.”

    Pluggers are still trying to figure out why they can’t get analog reception any more.

  48. Marc
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    9CL- Does it matter? Does it really matter?

    A3G- The emasculation of Margo continues. In the good old days she wouldn’t be calling Evan darling and constantly sniffing for approval like a puppy. She’d be dehumanizing him and calling his manhood into question because she landed the new Bond and he let whatsherface get away.

    Mark Trail- Luckily Mark’s first aid kit has a special section for missing limbs. Unfortunately for Otto, Mark was absent from avide environmentalist school the day they taught how to use it.

    Mary Worth- Anybody else want to strangle Mary with that purple scarf dealie she’s got on?

    Funky- All that’s missing from this merry band of losers is a dweeb who sews his own clothes.

    Luann- So Quill is coming on to Gunther right? I mean there’s no reason that any man, straight or gay, would tell another man that he’s interesting because he sews and bowls unless he was trying to pick him up.

    Cranky-I’ve never seen senior parking spaces anywhere in my life. Handicap parking sure, every place has them. Senior parking, not so much.

    Family Circus- Maybe Jeffy will get swallowed up and churned through the escalator like in whatever horrible Final Destination movie that happened in.

    Hi & Lois- God I hate that baby.

  49. Doctor Handsome
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    So, everyone here seems to be saying that Luann is struggling to lift the weight of her bowling ball? Because that’s what I thought, too, but according to the dialogue, her expression denotes relaxation.

  50. Gringo
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Frazz: “Braces”? Since when is this strip set in Britain?

  51. Mibbitmaker
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Luann: Really, Quill? Even Barbara Walters doesn’t find Gunther interesting!

    Luann is very, very weak. And so’s the lead character, apparently.

    Meanwhile, a married couple discusses their dinner plans….

    “Honey, we’re having supper at the Lockhorns’s tonight.”
    “NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

  52. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#49):

    Luann, that hilarious jokester, is goofing around by pretending to struggle with the weight of the bowling ball, prompting the Gunt to lament that he wishes he was able to relax and goof around in front of g-g-g-g-g-g-girls. Though it is possible that she has also lost control of her bowels while trying to control the ball.

    Gunt will be further embarassed when he proves unable to even lift his own bowling ball. And the capstone will come when, Quill’s advice to the contrary, nobody finds his knitted bowling ball caddy to be interesting in the slightest.

  53. Dale
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Unless MARK TRAIL thinks Andy is a duffel bag, he doesn’t have a duffel bag with him.

  54. Illustrator Steve
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MT – “I have a first aid kit in my duffle bag…and once I’m finished using it to treat this awful sunburn of mine I’ will then be ready to help you fellows cart Otto off to wherever it is you fellows want to cart Otto off to.”

  55. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: The preferability of a vulture over a husband is probably the first thing they’ve agreed on in decades.

    H&J: The Right Reverend Coolshades does indeed demonstrate a shallow understanding of sports history. Most likely of theology too. “We call it original sin because it’s brand new, right?”

    Luann: You can keep saying it, Quill, but that doesn’t make it true.

    MT: Mark’s telling the truth about the wave, but it sounds like the kind of story an abuser would make up to cover his actions. Which is kind of uncomfortable, Mark Trail’s history with domestic violence not being a good one.

    MW: Dawn and Jim are kind enough to pose for a seaside photo taken by Joe Giella, part of his investigative series on the survivors of frontal lobotomies.

    C-Shaft: Oh sure kid, with effort you can be stupider than Crankshaft on this particular day. But do you have the stuff to make readers groan fifty-two weeks a year?

    Crock: What’s he gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside his trunk?

    Popeye: “We will fight like sailors” is a line heard in many an NC-17 rated fanfic.

    RMMD: Telling a story about cancer and economic hardship? Be sure to include lots of pinup art. Talk about a spoonful of sugar, or in this case two heaping spoonfuls.

    BB: This being General Halftrack, I can’t tell if the gag is about Alzheimer’s or Korsakoff’s syndrome. Good times either way.

    H&L: If we learn that Trixie grows up to be Carrie Bradshaw, I’m gonna be really sick.

    FC: They’re low enough now so that Thel can kick him without feeling too guilty.

    DtM: It’s the first time in a while that a kid has asked for a sack of goose feathers, but Santa aims to please.

  56. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    big dog gives Poteet directions. previously, in Poteetville.

    big dog and ikkle kitteh.

    proof that Arn Anderson took a few too many chairshots back in the day. also, bulldog.

    taking geekery a step too far.

    Pudge goes shoppin’.

    baroo?

  57. Illustrator Steve
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MT – I see Mark is wearing the hostage prisoner shirt Otto issued to him. Ironically, Mark’s prisoner number printed onthe shirt is the same as today’s date! Strange stuff!

  58. pugfuggly
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @MrGuy (#22):

    I originally thought that Gunther had been talking to his Siri app so long that it developed self-awareness and decided to help him with his love-life. Or, give him really shitty advice so she can have him all to herself. SIRI NEEDS LOVE! WHY WILL NO-ONE LOVE SIRI!?!

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#35):

    Oh for sure! Didn’t you ever read the extended cut of To Kill a Mockingbird with the extra four chapters describing Atticus eating pie and reflecting on what an awesome lawyer he is, while Scout and Jem go get some ice-cream?

  59. Doctor Handsome
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#52): OK, that makes sense: Luann is everyone’s lame uncle. Created by everyone’s pervy uncle.

  60. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#37):

    Ty Cobb must be looking down from Heaven and shaking his head.

    How from where now?

  61. Illustrator Steve
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    MT – “Prisoner number 12-12, step forward!”
    “Yes sir!”
    “WHERE were you when Otto fell in the water?”
    “Why, I was on the boat.”
    “WHY were you not dead as intended?”
    “Sorry, I huess I just got caught up in the taking the situation into my own hands thing again. Can you fellows ever forgive me?”
    “DIE, Yankee, DIE!”

  62. pugfuggly
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#49): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#52):

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure that Luann is farting in that first panel. At least farting. And hey, you do have to be pretty relaxed to let loose something like that in front of your friends.

  63. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#48): Re A3G: It was a long time incubating, but the doormat virus that Margo caught from Tommie has finally affected all her vital organs. Only Lu Ann remains immune, due to being essentially brainless.

  64. Uncle Lumpy
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Luann — OK, so what’s the per-minute rate for a business-hours mobile call from New South Wales to the US? Could a “date” with Luann possibly be worth it? And even if so, why would the caller waste any time trying to prop up Gunther’s putative self-esteem?

  65. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#59): Your Pervy Uncle Evans…

  66. S. Stout
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Luann: I like how Gunther put the phone upright in its own chair. Even holding a phone is too awkward for him.

  67. pugfuggly
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#64):

    Skype, maybe? Of course, you’d have to be hooked up to a network or the data costs would be killer. So do bowling alleys have wireless now?

  68. Ty Cobb in Hell
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#37):

    H&J: In my day, we murdered the opponent–literally–on the field of play–and they liked it! I broke bats in half and impaled the ump–that’s playing baseball! We didn’t have these fancy-pancy so-called “performance-enhancing drugs”–we had alcohol! Lots of it! Made in a still. If it didn’t blind you it was no good. These kids today . . .

  69. Downpuppy, Clod Debussy
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#53): That’s no fuzzy duffel bag, that’s your sister.

  70. Chip Whittle
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Tarzan, I want to point out, is putting up a bulldozer against a tyranosaurus rex. You’re not getting more awesome today.

  71. seismic-2
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Luann: Greg Gunther once again makes a plaintive plea that he’s an artistic, creative, sensitive, caring, intelligent, well-behaved, neatly groomed, interesting nice guy, and he’s good enough, he’s smart enough, and doggone it, people like him, and if they don’t, it’s because they’re all bitches who are too superficial to see what a gem he is and instead throw themselves at undeserving bad boys, those losers. My response to this is: Greg Gunther, today is 12/12/12, and the next “triple day” won’t be until 01/01/01, eight-eight years and twenty days from now. My reasons for bringing this up are (1) contrary to what Quill is saying, even the most banal trivia like that is more interesting than you are, and (2) it will be that long before anyone buys the malarkey that you’re trying to peddle in this strip. Now shut up and bowl.

  72. Ty Cobb in Hell
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#70):

    That is awesome! In all senses of the word!

  73. greghousesgf
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Tarzan seems to be written by Calvin today!

  74. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#64): Skype for Android == cheep, I’d guess. My aunt once hosted Christmas, and her step-son (stationed in Australia) sat in front of his computer for 4 hours watching the rest of us have our fun around the tree.

  75. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#67): The local alley has free wireless — just in case bowling itself is too boring or something.

  76. AhClem
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    LuAnn – The image on the phone is not Quill. Gunther has the technological wherewithal to make his life-long imaginary friend appear on a phone-like box. But Gunther, just because something CAN be done doesn’t necessarily mean that it SHOULD be done.

    MT – Years from now, psychology textbooks will be using this strip as a lead-in to the chapter on Stockholm Syndrome.

  77. Beebs
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Popeye: I am here for the Popeye porn! I heard there is going to be some sailor on sailor action?

    Apartment 3G: If there isn’t any of that, do you have some Margo porn? I would ask for Tommie but she never gets any action.

    Lockhorns: If Leroy doesn’t want it, I sure could go for a plate of shit right now.

  78. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#74): Just realized something…. If Luann’s phone is anything like mine, all Quill can see is the dark butt-imprints of that chair the phone is resting on.

    Of course, if they’re now making phones with the camera on the screen side of the unit, my comment makes no sense.

  79. Dr. P and the Women
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I like how this storyline has spent approximately 30 seconds on Rex begrudgingly saving the life of an old woman and hours upon hours of June in her bathing suit hanging out with a trio of strippers. The artist knows my tastes! Here’s hoping June’s hithero-unpictured scandalous bathing suit makes an appearance at some sort of cancer fund charity strip-off. That’s how people pay for cancer treatments, right? Stripper avalanches?

  80. Mibbitmaker
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    ReFOOB: I’d call him…. ROD!!!

    JP: Ladies and gentlemen, you are seeing the very beginning of a magnificent slow burn…

    S4th: Aw… picking on Ted is like kicking a puppy.

  81. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: Agent Roberts appears to be speaking to Nick Lowe ca. Jesus of Cool on his droid there.

    The Amazing Spider-Man: For this, you had to get bitten by a radioactive spider and lose your uncle whats-his-face? You should really question what you’re doing with your life, Peter.

    Apt. 3-G: While Margo fails as James Bond’s publicist, Evan is securing a future for himself and his future bride the only way he knows how: in the cutthroat world of secret Century 21 agencies…

    Beetle Bailey: I…ugh…I can’t. Will someone please just take the General out to the nursing care facility he needs? Average life expectancy in those places is on the order of a year, or about 1/40th of the elapsed time since Beetle Bailey was last funny. Please, Greg? Whatever happened to death with dignity?

    9 Chickweed Lane: 12/12/12 is 12/21/12 spelled backwards! (Kind of.)

    Dennis the Menace: Hit ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA for an actual laugh line, Joey!

    The Lockhorns: Obvious joke is obvious: “I may not have a vulture, but an old goat will do…”

    Luan: Luan’s single ball appears to be heavier than Gunther’s. My, my. What do you know about that?

    Mark Trail: Later, as the sun set over the Caribbean and Andy lapped up Otto’s blood from the docks and Mark’s trembling hands, the naturalist realized why “putting a Band-Aid on it” was a metaphor for inadequacy.

    Mary Worth: Cue sweeping, inspirational strings from 70′s soap operas…

  82. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#70):

    [pedantic]The arms on that supposed T-Rex are way too long. More “man in a rubber suit” syndrome.[/pedantic]

  83. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Quill isn’t gay. He’s not gay, dammit! Whatever it looks like, he’s still not gay! Not!

  84. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn – OK, Brooke has to know that the “troll” in the strip is an author avatar. He is the one who has been depicting the djinn character as being mutilated and beaten, and will soon resume doing so. Nobody could possible be so un-self-aware as to not see this. Could they?

  85. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Incidentally, why is Luann going bowling with a disc made of lead?

  86. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#81):

    Luan’s single ball appears to be heavier than Gunther’s.

    Gunther’s only got one? Well, I guess it’s kind of interesting that he has something in common with Hitler.

  87. NoahSnark
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    This episode of Luann was sponsored by the Association of Old Pastimes Desperately Trying To Stay Relevant. Remember kids, if no one is doing it it’s trendy!

  88. Baka Gaijin
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Marvin, you also give your mother a reason to take her “happy pills” every morning. And to find a comfortable clothes pin for her nose.

  89. MySpoonIsTooBig
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Luann- Oh what I wouldn’t give for Walter Sobchack to pull a gun on Gunther. Shut the fuck up, Gunther.

  90. Lobsterboys
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Luann is showing Rosa what Quill’s “O” face looks like from the countless times he’s had to masturbate to her image across Skype.

  91. Droopy Says
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#86): That and clothing design. Add a peaked hat and death’s-head to your fashion ensemble, Gunther, so everyone can further appreciate you.

  92. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#48):

    The emasculation of Margo continues. In the good old days … [s]he’d be dehumanizing him and calling his manhood into question …

    Just wait for it. This is gonna be like one those old episodes of The Incredible Hulk where a bunch of bad-boy rednecks pick on on David Banner for 20-30 minutes while he holds it in, holds it in, and holds it in until they hurt someone (usually a little kid) and he finally Hulks out and tears the town apart. In this case, the little kid will be Margo spotting Evan scheming with his aunt and the town will be everything south of 59th Street.

  93. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    …and thus does Trixie join Hammie & Zoe as “Most Likely To Grow Up LGBT Due To Overly-Aggressive Gender Stereotyping”.

  94. Baka Gaijin
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Bruce T. Paddock (#2): COTW-worthy!

    @pugfuggly (#9) on The Lockhorns: Not a concept I needed to ponder.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#19) on Mary Worth: See comment #1 above.

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#32) on Luann: Occam’s Razor would lead to the conclusion that Gunther is gay. On second thought, there may be some PTSD from when Luann saw him in the library in his bizarre phallic costume.

    @Doctor Handsome (#42): Less interesting hobbies include pencil sharpening and lint collecting.

  95. Droopy Says
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Can we please have a Big Reveal where it turns out that the tiara grants the wearer magical powers? Or its diamonds are needed to complete your Earth-shattering Suicidal Doomsday Device? Or its theft will lead to a grave diplomatic crisis? Because there’s no supervillain-worthy menace in swiping and pawning something that looks like a leftover from a little girl’s Halloween costume. Although, yeah, that’s suitable for Parker’s skill levels. (Speaking of skills, Unseen Head of Security Guy: tell your drones not to mention details of your plan when they they may be overheard.)

  96. Baka Gaijin
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#55) on Family Circus: I laughed at your comment. I’m going to hell. Book me passage on the next handbasket.

    @Droopy Says (#95): You put far more effort in your single post than the “The Amazing Spiderman” has for the entire plot.

  97. The Ghost of Jarrod
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#94):

    That would make a lot of sense, but they addressed it in-strip, and Gunther said he isn’t; assuming he isn’t asexual (which would also make sense, and which I doubt Evans understands is a thing), I put this down to bad writing.

  98. Baka Gaijin
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Luann deGroot looks like she just got a surprise buttsecks from the Invisible Man.

    Spiderman, what the two guards from Elucidation Security didn’t tell you is that the real tiara will be exiting the museum in a mammalian prehensile rectum.

    //Yes, I’m trying that phrase again. It’s almost COTW time.

  99. Mikey
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    I must lead a dull life when the phrase: “a plate-sized, undifferentiated shit-colored mound” makes my day.

  100. Baka Gaijin
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#97): As thousands of heartbroken chicks on thousands of blogs have written thousands of times, “Guys lie.”

    @Baka Gaijin (#98): Rereading my comment, I now wonder if a full sized tiara will fit in a chimp or monkey rectum. I fear the depravity if I Google that phrase.

  101. Mr Frog
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “…Y’know, in the sense that a glowing green monkey is interesting, if not engaging or attractive in any meaningful way. Look, you’re a character in Luann, you gotta work with what you’ve got.”

    @#94: I, on the other hand, think there may be some PTSD from dating Luann.

  102. Baka Gaijin
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Mr Frog (#101): Has anyone gone on an actual date with Luann? Anyone?

  103. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Meanwhile, all the kids with solar calculators are wearing smug smirks that would put even Creepy Les to shame.

  104. Marion Delgado
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Gunther just doesn’t feel masculine enough when he’s out with Rosa. Luann, on the other hand, can’t even lift a 10-lb bowling ball. He could have his way with her if he accidentally bumped her with his elbow. Or is she just taking dating advice from Toni again? “Dirk really liked it when I was weak and powerless, Luann. Guys dig that!”

  105. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    D’oh! It’s been so long since I used the bold tag, I forgot how to turn it off. D’OH, I SAY!

  106. Cloudbuster
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#26): Just imagine how much better your favourite novel would be if the last third of the story was just the main character reflecting on how awesome they are while stuffing their face at a diner.

    Thanks to self-published ebooks, I’ve been tricked into reading some novels that are more or less that. Usually not the last third, but shameless Mary-Sueing through the entire book as the readers are treated to constant reminders, lectures even, on just how utterly awesome the main character is. Maybe it’s just me, but back in the 80s, I don’t recall encountering anything as utterly awful as some of the trash I’ve encountered in the 21st century.

  107. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#106): not to mention the amount of kids on your lawn.

  108. Acilius
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Leroy seems to misunderstand the concept of “leftovers.” They aren’t “leftovers” if they’ve already been eaten once.

  109. Cloudbuster
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#107): Seriously! They’re everywhere! I’ve tried those ultra-sonic repellers! Nothing works. I just found some “Kid-B-Gone” in the SkyMall catalog, though and I’m really hopeful.

  110. TheDiva
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#84): And who is voyeuristically enjoying his erstwhile victim’s makeout session on top of that. If Brooke were projecting any more he’d be showing the 48-fps version of The Hobbit.

    (On another note, note how Brooke’s response to his critics is, in effect, “Oh yeah? Well you pick your nose and scratch your butt!” Truly the spirit of Dorothy Parker weeps in the face of such superior wit.)

  111. Baka Gaijin
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Missing third panel, Mary Worth: “And that concludes this webcast of new ammunition to the worldwide Biddies Locals, the Amici di Meddle.”

  112. Baka Gaijin
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Acilius (#108): I must say your comment made me go “EW.” COTW-worthy but yucky.

  113. Uncle Lumpy
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#107):

    … not to mention the amount of kids on your lawn.

    Tell me about it. It’s like a goddamn Phish concert out there. Whatever the hell that is.

  114. Anonymous
    December 12th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#106): Word processors have led the way to bloat, and e-publishing has led the way to lots of trash. Novels were tighter before word processing, when you had to type or hand-write and the publishing houses had editors. Now you look at the output of someone like Neal Stephenson (whose work I enjoy) or George RR Martin (whose work I used to enjoy) and you realize they could shave 3 or 4 hundred pages off their latest novels without losing much. At least Bill Gibson hasn’t yet allowed his stuff to bloat.

    Having done some e-pub and looked at a lot of it, you realize it’s given a lot of people with nothing to say the space to say it in. But there are gems in there as well, so on the whole I think it’s a net positive.

  115. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth-Ted, watch out! Now that they have you on the ground they plan on making you squeal like a pig

  116. Cloudbuster
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#114): I used to be an editor myself back then. Between transcription, proofreading and two or three stages of editing, there were many gatekeepers. If something was really bloated crap, someone was bound to speak up and say so.

    Even at the major publishing houses, word processing and spelling checkers have left far fewer meticulous gatekeepers.

    But I agree that electronic publishing is a net positive. More burden on the consumer to sift through the dreck, but that’s an acceptable trade-off for having access to stuff that never would have gotten a chance at a major publishing house back in the day.

  117. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#102):

    Apparently, “Miguel” took her to a Ricky Martin concert back in 1999. After spending the evening swooning over Ricky and imagining that his oh-so-heterosexual dance moves were meant for her alone, Miguel made a pass at her in the car. She wanted to go along, but then pictured all the other men in her life, and how hurt they would be if she went along, so she invented an excuse and ran home. Yes.

    http://www.gocomics.com/luann/1999/12/02

    Just typing that made it clear to me that Luann in today’s strip is making the “just threw up in my mouth a little” face.

  118. Mr Frog
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#102):

    Huh, good point. I’m fairly sure they were at least portrayed as (ostensibly) being romantically-interested in each other at some point, and sort of assumed based on no evidence that they were acting on said attraction in some respect, but I suppose that was a bit naïve.

  119. pugfuggly
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#75):

    Also good when you’re trying to remember Lennon/Lenin quotes between frames.

    @Cloudbuster (#106):

    Thanks to self-published ebooks, I’ve been tricked into reading some novels that are more or less that. [...] back in the 80s, I don’t recall encountering anything as utterly awful as some of the trash I’ve encountered in the 21st century.

    Ah the joys of digital technology. Back in the day, you’d have to be as rich as Florence Foster Jenkins to get people to experience your awful art, now you just slap that up on tumblr/youtube/esty/etc and the whole world can groan with you.

  120. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns-”Leftover jokes again? We need a better writer.”

    MW-”And when a friend dies our grief triples.”

    Luann-It looks like Gunther is confusing relaxing with pulling a muscle.

  121. Pozzo
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Yeah, I read that as “Lookit at your shit!” Does that make me a bad person?

  122. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#114): “Now you look at the output of someone like George RR Martin and you realize they could shave 3 or 4 hundred pages off their latest novels without losing much.”

    true DAT!

  123. Schroduck
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    “The definition of sportsmanship ain’t what it used to be. In the old days of playing sports, dog fighting was still legal in a number of states and illegal dog fighting was a contradiction in terms!”

  124. Peanut Gallery
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#Y210): Wow! That brings a whole new meaning to “Assembly of God.”

    I had to know more, so here’s an article about that structure, with more pictures. And this article says they plan to build something else out of the bricks for this year’s festival, but if that’s happened, I couldn’t find any info about it.

  125. Cloudbuster
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#119): Florence Foster Jenkins. Heh, her birth name was “Narcissa.” How appropriate! Who would saddle their girl with a name like that?

  126. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#117): My god… its been 13 years… the horror…

  127. Peanut Gallery
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Happy 12/12/12, everybody!

    No, I don’t know how to celebrate it either. Eat 3 dozen doughnuts?

  128. Hibbleton
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth: Dang, Ces. You’ve got me hoping that Sally hauls off and decks one of these familial bullies.

  129. terrapin
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Luanne: Sewing and bowling do not make a man interesting, Quill. While those may be usefull and impressive skills for a man on the Australian Outback, here in suburban America we expect a little bit more.

    MW: “In short, no matter how dopey a person is, there is always another dope out there just for you. (See panel one.)”

  130. Downpuppy
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#122): Back in the day when pulp writers were paid 2 cents a word they could really bang it out fast.

    Not many Jim Thompsons in the lot, but since the junk all rotted away, it looks good in retrospect.

  131. Peanut Gallery
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    love is… Does anyone know if there’s a movie with a scene like this? It looks familiar.

  132. MySpoonIsTooBig
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#117): Ah yes, thank goodness we don’t have actual female desire as part of the equation! That would just be icky.

  133. Voshkod
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#114): And that anonymous was me, apparently needing an editor.

  134. pugfuggly
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#94):

    on The Lockhorns: Not a concept I needed to ponder.

    The laws of internet porn probability says that with each passing day there is an increasing chance of a graphic Lockhorns slash-fic being posted to some dark corner of the world wide web, if one isn’t already up. It’s kind of like the infinite monkey theorem, except that in this case the monkey are perverts with laptops.

    @Cloudbuster (#125):

    I don’t know, but whatever he was, it was obviously a product of genetics.

  135. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @MySpoonIsTooBig (#132):

    Yes, I noticed that omission as well. Luann might go along just to feel mature and desirable, but no woman ever has sex because they actually want to enjoy having sex. At least, not in Evans’ experience.

  136. Calico
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and Pete Rose. Don’t forget old pug face.

  137. Canuckamuck
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Luanne: At first glance, I thought Gunther was riffing on Clint Eastwood’s “empty chair” speech.

  138. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#134): I can’t even imagine what The Lockporns would look like, except that they’d be trying to simultaneously rape one another other to death.

    Okay, I guess I can imagine it, but I wish I hadn’t.

  139. Alter Ego
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Lupin The 3.1415926th (#231): More than ironic, it seems psychic!

    @Canuckamuck (#137): The above-mentioned Momma cartoon would have been even better if she had said to vote for Clint Eastwood’s empty chair.

  140. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#125): I’m fairly certain “Luan” is the Anglo-Saxon cognate to “Narcissa.”

  141. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#127):

    I got a coworker who had a similar idea.

  142. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#124): I’ve always thought that was pretty cool, if a bit impractical for cold Wisconsin winters…

  143. Mr Frog
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#117):

    Re: That strip you posted:

    AUUUGH AUUUGH AUUUGH WORST PUNCHLINE EVER

    In conclusion: Luann is a doormat with no concept of the validity of her personal desires, and possibly a very sick relationship with her parents. Or should I not find it unspeakably-creepy that she considers her parents to have a personal stake in her sex life?

    I’m fine with the protagonist in the story being a bit mentally-damaged, but I’m not sure if Evans was going for that level of Oedipal horror, if any.

  144. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#131):

    I think there is an Audrey Hepburn film that takes place in Italy that this is referencing.

  145. Hibbleton
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#131): love is… Does anyone know if there’s a movie with a scene like this? It looks familiar.

    Roman Holiday

    H&J: And Ty Cobb once stabbed a black man for trying to shake his hand. Nice going, Bentley.

  146. tallyHO
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Aw geez!
    Don’t I feel stupid? (I don’t)

    See, I rarely read “LuAnn”; only when it is shown here on CC.

    I thought the kid on the bench was having a conversation with a bag of potato chips.

    Someday, someday, some one making comic strips or some inventor will fulfill the future of snacking/communication. Then we’ll eventually get used to people saying:

    “Give me a ringle on my Pringles!”

    //too far?

  147. Mars
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Is it my imagination or does Guenther’s bowling shirt have “Butthurt” embroidered into it in cursive? Look at it again.

  148. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#146):

    Just don’t try to entice your partner into oral sex by asking him or her to taste the Pringle on your dingle. Trust me on this one.

  149. tallyHO
    December 12th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#148):

    Maybe it would work with Lay’s ™?

  150. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#149):

    Well, yes, but that leads to problems of its own, since people cannot eat just one!

  151. tb4000
    December 12th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Hey, let me just shove these tits out while you discuss your illness woes. Not all of us have cancer in here.”

  152. tallyHO
    December 12th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#150):
    Touche!

    Well Lay’d, my friend.

    Well Lay’d, indeed.

  153. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 12th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Mars (#147): “Gunther” is German for butthurt, no? It comes from the mythological figure of the same name in the Nibelungenlied who, in a case of epic butthurt, was beheaded by his sister Kriemhild (“Cry-Baby”) for murdering her husband Siegfried (“Ziggy”). Or something like that.

  154. Inkwell
    December 12th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    No, no, no! Gunther, why would you take advice from a guy whose biggest catch is Luann?!

  155. Spotts1701
    December 12th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Whoa, bowling and sewing? Gunther living on the edge here, folks. (The edge between milquetoast and banal, that is.)

    FW: Oh, for God’s sake…you got forced out from a civil service job with a full pension. You didn’t get cashiered from McDonald’s with a couple bucks in your pocket and no hope.

    PBS: *puts on “Chariots of Fire”* RUN ANDY! RUN LIKE THE WIND!

    S4th: If this is the way Ted’s brothers have always treated him Sally should be thankful he’s only a little screwy in the head.

  156. tallyHO
    December 12th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    1950s Hi & Lois strips. Some Sunday strips, a few in color. Mostly Dailies.

    I can’t believe the strip is that old. It makes the premise seem weirder, sort of like most family strips that aren’t “Gasoline Alley”.

    The art’s cool though. Dik Browne was doing great stuff then. The humor was different, too.

  157. Calico
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#131):
    Jesus Christ, are these people serious with this cartoon? It’s like some 60′s ad in this case.

  158. Baka Gaijin
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#117): Oh. I think I recognize that graphic: it’s in the dictionary next to the entry for “so not how real teenagers act or ever acted.”

    @pugfuggly (#134): Now how long will we have to wait for the Sunday Mark Trail on “monkey perverts with laptops?”

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#135): You just implied a lot about Evans’ lovemaking abilities or rather lack thereof.

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#140): Ha ha! “Hey, Boy!”

    @tb4000 (#151): I’ll bet if they had June Morgan “shoving these tits” in the Congressional Chambers, the fiscal cliff negotiations would have ended months ago.

  159. Calico
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#156):
    I like how they repeated Lois’ positioning over a couple of strips, even back then. *Hic*

  160. Droopy Says
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Jerm & Hamall: The definition of sportsmanship ain’t what it used to be? Say it isn’t so, Joe! (apologies if someone already knocked this one over the fence.)

  161. Droopy Says
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#98): So you’re saying that in the end, the tiara will be found in a plate-sized, undifferentiated shit-colored mound, thereby proving that the Lockhorns are Kraven’s trained chimps. No, that can’t be. Real chimps have better looks and manners than the Lockhorns.

  162. tallyHO
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#160):

    And even long before that, didn’t some sports involve fighting to the death, with no mercy?

    I’m thinking of the early days of checkers.

  163. tallyHO
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    apt3g
    I don’t believe this.
    While I am willing to accept that Margo’s client is the “new James Bond” and that he is British and that Margo is doing Evan and Evan is screwing her over by siphoning clientele to his Aunt’s shop, I am not willing to accept that he got the gig as Bond without Margo knowing it.

    I would think an agent would have found and ensured that their client got that gig…and not just a huge gig but any gig.

    Oh, Margo! You should be written smarter than that.

    I thought the “big news” that GC was laying on her…

    (let that soak in)

    I thought the “big news” that GC was laying on her was that Evan has a conflict of interest in her business. The dude is basically doing corporate espionage by playing on two teams (despite his preferred team colors: piss and gold).

    grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  164. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#114): @Cloudbuster (#116): I have to admit that, much as I love a long book or series (I am a serious word chewer), one of the things that I really appreciate about YA fiction is how tightly written it is. It’s also where I’ve found some really creative characters and plots, at least in the sci fi/fantasy areas. It’s like the adult equivalents are so pinned in by their genre designations that it’s hard for them to stretch, while the YA are already defined by their audience, so anything goes.

  165. tallyHO
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Man, that Dick Tracy can walk and chew crime and the same time.
    Even when nothing is happening in the strip, he’s doing two things at once.

    Though his taste in paintings is perplexing. At least I think that is a painting and not just some dude dancing outside of Tracy’s house. If it is the latter, that street performer is a little too close for comfort. He better watch his back!

  166. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Luann is getting a huge SIGH from me for this whole storyline. Look, Gunther. You do not need to be doing anything other than what you are doing. Rosa likes you. She wants to hold your hand and kiss you. This is not, in fact, your first date with a total stranger that you need to impress. This is a date with a woman who, for whatever weird reason she may had, has made the first move.

    But I’m less annoyed with Gunther than I am with Evans. I hate it when authors ignore their own continuity. Not only is he distorting Gunther’s relationship with Rosa to make it seem like he’s never met her before this date, he’s forgotten that the time difference — which he made such a huge fuss about with the Luann-giggling-in-the-night arc — makes it near-impossible for Quill to be on this date in the first damn place, if it’s not taking place on a weekend night.

  167. Tommy Batty
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    I ain’t budging the plotline in Funky Winkerbean until somebody here’s expresses pity for my protagonist. C’mon, he’s pathetic, please love him.

  168. This Guy
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#164): Hm. I’ve read some great YA fiction in my not-so-young-adulthood, but when I look at the YA shelves in the library or in a bookstore, I seem to see a sea of sameness–follow-the-leader knockoffs of whatever has been most recently popular (Potter, Twilight, Hunger Games). That may be literally judging books by their covers, but I can’t shake the feeling that Sturgeon’s Law is more in effect than ever here.

  169. seismic-2
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#131), @Liam (#144), @Hibbleton (#145): Love Is… re-enacting a classic movie

    Next week – Silence of the Lambs

  170. Roktober
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    I admire today’s Luann. So many writers put so much effort into showing us their character’s are interesting. Luann has skipped that step and gone right to just flat out telling us. In the future I hope it stops wasting time with pictures and just uses text boxes with statements such as “Funny Thing!” or “Heart Warming Family Moment.”

    It will save us all a lot of time and energy.

  171. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-Joey’s feeling Santa’s candy cane.

    Blondie-”Say, Dagwood, do you happen to have any crippled children that are going to die soon because that just puts a smile on my face thinking about Tiny Tim dying like that and you remind me of Bob Cratchett.”

    Dustin-”Where were the tight bodied semi-nude women that I fantasize about?”

  172. Peanut Gallery
    December 12th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#144), @Hibbleton (#145), @seismic-2 (#169): All of you are right, that’s a good match! But I was thinking of a scene where the woman’s wearing a wedding dress, and riding a motorcycle or scooter.

  173. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Please tell me that isn’t a boobie:

    http://www.gocomics.com/dinetteset/2012/12/12

    Seems like a strange place to hang a handbag, doesn’t it?

  174. Tommy Batty
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Tommy Batty (#167): Hmm … no empathy for the sad postman yet. Time to pull out the big guns: a visit from the cancer fairy. You all could have prevented this, you know.

  175. Baka Gaijin
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#161): You have an interesting theory. I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.

  176. bbofun
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#163): Margo’s not an agent- she’s a publicist (although the terminology has been misused occasionally in the strip, so it’s a reasonable mistake). An agent helps an actor get jobs; a publicist makes sure his name is known- setting up interviews, sending out press releases, etc.

    ASM- Sure was nice of that security guard to wait to tell his partner about the whole “switcheroo” until that exact moment.

    RMMD- JUNE! You;re talking to a depressed woman who has breast cancer! Put those things away NOW!

  177. Voshkod
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#168): Just compare the length of the first Harry Potter book to the last Harry Potter book and tell me there wasn’t bloat there. @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#164): Just compare the length of the first Harry Potter book to the last Harry Potter book and tell me there wasn’t bloat there. Remember, Old Man and the Sea clocked in at about 25,000 words.

  178. Voshkod
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    That was odd.

  179. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Tommy Batty (#174):

    Nope, not enough. I won’t show pity until your ex-postman goes Crazy, climbs onto a water tower, and shoots the entire town of Westview using a sniper rifle. Only Les Moore will survive the shooting, to serve as witness at the trial, although he has suffered irreversible brain damage that gives him a permanent open smile (unable to smirk!) and can only communicate from that chair that Captain Pike had to sit in for The Cage. Crazy will be sentenced to death, and shed a single tear while waiting for the electrician to rig him up.

    Then, and only then, will I feel any empathy. Because, he shot Les Moore, confident that no jury in the land would convict him, but is still being executed. Oh, the pathos!

  180. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#177): Well, I think Harry Potter is probably the exception that proves the rule. Remember how many people were clucking about how long the first book was when it came out? I even recall a few articles worrying about the physical strain on children reading such a large hardbound book.

  181. tallyHO
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#176):

    Oh, that’s right. I had forgotten that is what she does.

    Seriously though, post-the peck on the cheek with the teddy bear carrying, rich husband of the odd pregnant lady, has Margo really even mentioned doing PR for anyone?

    She interviewed Evan. He picked up the future Bond Girl and she picked up the New James Bond. Hijinks have ensued in the meantime. Not much else has happened.

    But, you are right. She need not be aware of GC’s new gig. Though, you would think she should at least mention she will be doing something on his behalf to maximize exposure for her firm. Not that working the phones or reading Variety will make the strip any better but….

  182. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#168): I think, unfortunately, that to develop the skills needed to select the good stuff, you need to slog through an awful lot of the not-so-good stuff. I read a lot, and have been this way since childhood, so my crap meter is pretty finely tuned at this point.

    Basically, if it feels like I’ve seen or read the basic plot or character types before, there had better be something else to make it worth reading. (Not to say I won’t still read mediocre stories; I just won’t put down money for them.) When you’ve read over twenty iterations of “Young disadvantaged person with a Talent finds him/herself at a school for other young persons with said Talent; complications ensue”, for example, said young person had better be damn interesting and so should the complications. And if the Talent is one I haven’t seen before (manipulating reality through origami paper folding, say) that helps too.

    There’s even more junk on the adult fantasy/sci fi shelves than on the YA shelves, and it too likes to clump into trends and fads. (How many urban-crime-fantasy-horror books are there about plucky young women who have to deal with werewolves and vampires, for example? LOTS. Some good, some crap.)

  183. Zla'od
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Why has Guenther propped his phone up in a chair? Is this like when Sikhs venerate their holy book, the Guru Granth Sajib, by treating it in human-like ways, such as laying it down in a bed at night?

  184. Marc
    December 12th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#117): Well reading that little arc retroactively made Luann even more hateable (if that’s a word) than she already was.

  185. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Luann-”Gunther, can you hang on my girlfriend has just shown up and I’m going to explore her Outback.”

  186. Alice
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#117): What does it say about me that, when I saw Delta in that strip, my first thought was “Wait, Delta had a crush on Luann?” rather than “Wait, Delta had a crush on Miguel?”

    @Zla’od (#183): Maybe next he’ll dress it in a mantle, like a Torah scroll, and put it in a little ark.

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: It seems that the meaning of “elope” has changed, and quite recently. Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate, 11th Ed., 2003, defines the word:

    1 : to slip away : ESCAPE “might have mistaken him for some scarecrow eloped from a cornfield” — Washington Irving
    2 a : to run away from one’s husband with a lover b : to run away secretly with the intention of getting married usually without parental consent

    Defintion 1 may be disregarded in this case, and is probably obsolete anyway. Def. 2a obviously does not apply here, and is, also, I think, obsolete. At least, I’ve never heard it used that way.

    Definition 2b. sort of applies, but that is not how Randy means it. What he means by elope, is what I will call or propose as definition 2c: to get married at a civil ceremony, with minimal fuss and expense, possibly only the judge and a couple of witnesses in attendance.

    There is no secrecy involved, and the parents certainly approve of the marriage in principle, though one of them, at least, might not like the manner of it, so 2b is really out.

    I think “elope”, as my proposed def. 2c, is pretty common these days, and probably becoming more common. You can’t really call it misuse or a mistake.

    // Still doesn’t sound right though. My wife and I got married thus, and I would never say we eloped.

  188. debussy fields
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    MT– That guy in Panel 1 looks more like a relative of Charlie McCarthy’s than the Otto we’ve come to know over the past few weeks. Put him back in the suitcase and go and rescue Otto!

  189. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    MW-”When leaving our house for the day too often we’re tempted to close our doors not realizing there are kindred spirits all around.”

    MW 2-I miss the days when the answers in “Asked Wendy” were rambling diatribes about sandwiches.

  190. Laura Canon
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#182): Agree about YA. There’s a lot more going on out there than people realize. I don’t care much for sci fi or fantasy and read very little of it growing up (in the era of the “angsty” teen novel, which I didn’t care for much, either) but I enjoy it now when it’s well done.
    http://blog.schoollibraryjournal.com/printzblog is a blog about potential winners of the Printz (YA equivalent of the Newbery) and Morris awards (for YA debut), a good place to start if you are looking for good YA.

  191. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    MT-I’m sorry Otto but there is nothing we can do for that leg. However you do have a promising career as a background character in “Apartment 3G”.

  192. debussy fields
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    MW– Getting to know Dawn and Jim has divided my joy and doubled my grief. I am tempted to shut down, to close the door on them. Are there any kindred spirits out there?

  193. Jamus The Bartender
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Bruce T. Paddock (#2): My Mom’s catholic school did that play !!

  194. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#192):

    I’m also tempted to close the door on them. Several times in fact until there is nothing left of there head.

  195. Daniel
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#85): maybe it’s one of Borges’s hrönir?
    And I really hate this Luann.

  196. Poteet
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    LOCKHORNS — Turkey vultures strongly prefer recently-killed animals, and they avoid animal bodies that have reached the point of putrefaction. So Leroy isn’t really correct. What his wife needs is not a vulture, but a varied bunch of open-minded microorganisms, and possibly certain other open-minded invertebrates.

  197. BeckoningChasm
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    I think that Loretta isn’t serving leftovers; I think she is actually recycling last night’s dinner, if you get what I mean. Leroy, inexplicably, has caught on to this.

  198. Jamus The Bartender
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Okay. The one big question no one seems to have asked, is…WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE COSTUMED GUY USING THE WORD CINNAMON IN HIS NAME? I mean, does he use it as a weapon of some kind? Iron Man’s Virginia “Pepper” Potts and Princess Koriand’r ( Coriander, get it?) are the only comic book characters I can think of right now what use spices in their names, and i’m sure there’s more, but I can’t think of them right now. Point being, i’d better see the Knight throw Cinnamon in some bad guys eyes before Friday or there’s gonna be hell to pay.

  199. Cloudbuster
    December 12th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187): I think “elope”, as my proposed def. 2c, is pretty common these days, and probably becoming more common. You can’t really call it misuse or a mistake.

    Hah! I can too! I play by my own rules! I stand athwart usage yelling “Stop!”

    My son just had a “2c” definition marriage, and nobody called it eloping. If we allow 2c, the usage of the word has become so broad that it doesn’t really mean much of anything anymore and isn’t useful for identifying the circumstances of its original meaning, which implied secrecy, subterfuge, and often disapproval.

    Them: “We eloped!”
    Me: “My! How daring! How did you deal with the parental fallout when they found out?”
    Them: “What do you mean? Mom and Dad knew all about it. We got married at the courthouse. They were happy for us.”
    Me: *heavy sigh* “Um, yeah. That’s not eloping. That’s just not having a big ceremony.”
    Them: “Uh-huh! It is too eloping!”
    Me: “Nuh-uh! Is not!”*

    Back, barbarians!

    //* Note my eloquent verbal argument style

  200. Droopy Says
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#198): At a guess, it’s a reference to his skin color.

  201. Poteet
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

  202. Jamus The Bartender
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Just tell Santa what he wants to know, Joey. ‘Course, you know what….I kinda have a feeling Santa doesn’t want you to tell him what he wants to know. Because I think Santa just really, REALLY wants to torture you. And that’s why he has K-BILLY’s “Super Sounds Of The Seventies” on right now…

  203. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    3G – Evan’s a comely lad. And meaty. In fact, he’s a pretty, meaty, ochre character all round.

    Oop – Here we go again. Only this time instead of putting their realtor or chiropractor in the strip, they put their president in.

    9 – Which number’s the day of the week? In 12/12/12? None of them. Jeesh!

    Dennis – “Just tell him what you want, Joey.”
    “UNDERPANTS! DRY UNDERPANTS!”

  204. endless sky
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187): And in the comics world, “elope” should always involve a ladder up to the second story window late at night, the bride-to-be with her suitcase ready, much loud whispering, and result in (a) the angry father rushing out the front door in striped pajamas, and/or (b) the hapless couple jumping off the falling ladder. THAT”S what eloping is all about!

  205. Jamus The Bartender
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#200): And “Black Knight” was taken by Marvel Comics….yeah, you know, I think you might be right.

  206. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Smirky – “Because I was fired, you know. From my job. Now I’m jobless, because I was fired. From my job. Cough. Say, do you smell something like burning rubber?”

    love is… …a wild ride — but it’s safe, because she’s on her cycle.

    Mark – Good lord, this is serious. Mark is even willing to stretch the truth… no… actually prevaricate for Otto! Maybe Mark knows that the leg was evil, and now that it’s gone, Otto is free to be good again!

    Momma – Who’s she talking to? How does she make her voice do that?

  207. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Nancy – The “I’m a Parent” card. So, after all these years, “Aunt Fritzi” must have finally come clean about where Nancy came from.

    Pluggers apparently haven’t realized yet that TV stations broadcast digital signals now, believing that the absence of shows on their sets is just because they aren’t holding their tongue the right way.

    Questionable Content – Second webcomic today making a Fibonacci reference.

    R=R – Three words to describe her? I keep coming up with “fucking moron,” and anything else is superfluous. Wait, that’s it: “fucking superfluous moron.”

  208. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#y207): Now, it would be incredibly great if the offices of Lego World Headquarters were constructed entirely out of Lego.
    The office of the Lego factory that used to be in Loveland, Colorado, had faux-Lego bricks on the front, albeit attached in a wholly implausible way. It was only Lego for a short while, and became a realty agency with no real reason for the decorations, but they were there for a while, as I recall.

  209. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Listen to the man thousands of miles away speaking to you through a phone that his “girlfriend” is carrying around so he can watch her bowl, Gunther.

  210. Poteet
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#71): Thanks for saying it so I wouldn’t have to.

  211. seismic-2
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187), @Cloudbuster (#199), @endless sky (#204): Ah, for the good old Days of Yore, when “eloped” really meant something

  212. Poteet
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — You can’t fool me. Once Wally is safely on a different continent than Max, he’s never coming back.

  213. Crazy Jay
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#5): You sick sonofabitch! Do you know what type of mental scare you just gave me.

  214. Chaze
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    It has become obvious to me that A3G is a comic strip version of a colorized Douglas Sirk film from the 1950′s. Joan Crawford would play Margot with those deadly eyebrows and “don’t screw with me” attitude. A hunky lunkhead like Cameron Mitchell would be Greg and Evan is a perfect role for Roddy McDowell.

    Hints of primary colors are creeping in, signifying much drama on the way. Or maybe the artists just sprung for some new ink.

  215. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”And I don’t need to constantly keep telling myself that I’m happy to convince myself that I am happy until I believe that I am happy when I am really miserable.”

  216. This Guy
    December 12th, 2012 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#198): His super power is to perform the Cinnamon Challenge.

  217. Trillian
    December 12th, 2012 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Frankly, I’d date a guy who was into sewing and bowling as long as he didn’t give a shit what other people thought about it. It would also help a lot if he was dynamite in the sack.

    On the other hand, a guy who talks to his iPad when he is supposed to be enjoying a date with me is a huge turn-off. I don’t care how good in bed he is.

  218. Poteet
    December 12th, 2012 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    LOCKHORNS — Wait a minute. Now I remember who uttered that line from ALIEN and what condition that character was in when the line was uttered. I hope I don’t start remembering that every time I see THE LOCKHORNS.

  219. tb4000
    December 12th, 2012 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Garfield: So the cat can use a laptop. Unlike Snoopy this is the first I’ve seen of it so yes it is a mind fuck.

  220. Uncle Lumpy
    December 12th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Years later, the billionaire owner of the Gunther’s Sew ‘n’ Bowl chain thought back on that awkward evening and smiled.

  221. Poteet
    December 12th, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#220): Per #217, he still wasn’t dynamite in the sack. But he kept meeting very, very friendly people who didn’t care.

  222. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 12th, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#199): Note my eloquent verbal argument style.

    Impressive. I’m sure your voice was stentorian, and your gestures were appropriately dramatic. The scales fell from their eyes. Appalled by their catachresis, they slunk away in shame.

    Oh! had you seen him, how he dealt out death,
    And at one stroke robb’d thousands of their breath;
    While on the slaughter’d heaps himself did rise,
    In pyramids of conquest to the skies;

    Chrononhotonthologos, Act II

  223. Uncle Lumpy
    December 12th, 2012 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#221):

    They only wanted to be dressed well! Dressed well by him!

  224. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    December 12th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Where in the holy heck is Les?? Is he OK? Last time we saw him he was being pummelled by that harridan Cayla. I understand he would want to lie low while his bruises healed, but that time should be past. I’m getting Worried!

    Meanwhile we suffer with this drivel about Crazy’s comic books and his incessant whining about getting “fired.” Cry me a river, Harry. You’ll get a good pension and health benefits. Pretty good for a Minor Character. While I, an educated professional, lost the job I loved because of a “misunderstanding” by the school administration. And now I’ve lost my telemarketing job, too. No more “Rachel.”

    And Mr. Batiuk, if I may respectfully suggest, nobody is interested in John, the developmentally-delayed comics store dilettante, either. (you would not believe the body odor of that guy)

    Most cordially yours,
    Susan Smith, President

  225. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#207): Second webcomic today making a Fibonacci reference.

    Rats, beat me to it. But second? Is that a Get Smartism, or what was the other?

  226. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Froggy (#13):

    MW: “Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.” Let me guess — this one was NOT by Camus. Am I right?

    No. Queen Beatrix. A Children’s Book of Prostheses, 1983

  227. JH Pants
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    I skulk around on this site all the time, and you all have brought me much laughter over the years. Thanks so much!

    I hope you all enjoy this (if it’s already been posted, my apologies!):
    http://clipnation.com/charlie-brown-school-dance/

    You may now return to your regularly scheduled snark.

  228. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#224): Oddly, I got another call from “Rachel, at Cardholder’s Services” a couple of days ago, the first I’ve had since the FTC shut down a bunch of companies a month or so ago. Naturally, I pressed “1″ to talk to a representative. Before he could start his pitch, I said, “Hey, I thought the FTC shut you guys down!” He said, “No, they haven’t.” I said, “But I saw in the news that they nuked five companies doing the Rachel at Cardholder Services scam…” and then he hung up on me.

    // Too bad. I really wanted to know how he felt about it.

  229. Voshkod
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#225): Partially Clips also has a Fib sequence. Either a hell of a coincidence or only two web comics artists remembered that today is Fib Sequence Reference Day.

  230. tallyHO
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#220):

    Well, it that is an electronic, mobile, communication device and not a bag of talking potato chips then there is a good chance the way that night is memorialized will be by a photograph of those two girls’ butts.

    bzzzz CLICK!

    //the fact that the guy isn’t holding the phone (or whatever) and that it is sitting next to him, like a bag of chips, is weird enough.

  231. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#228): What the chocolate fudge??? You mean they kept some of the Rachels? The manager came in at the end of the shift, just after the dinner hour calls, and told us all were being “let go.”

    Of course they HAD previously warned me about not being “chipper” enough.

    Incensed,
    SS

  232. Peanut Gallery
    December 12th, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#229): Tomorrow the sequence will be mentioned in 3 strips, the next day 5, then 8, then 13…

  233. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#224): @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#224):

    Les went to Los Angeles to finalize some deals for turning “Lisa’s Story” into a movie but upon arriving was disappointed to find out that the producer just up and retired to open a fishing lodge.

  234. tb4000
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Haha, Modern Family just named dropped Gil Thorp. Phil wants to marry him.

  235. Sgt. Stoned
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Ah, yes, the era before solar-powered calculators. That would make the year–what?–1972?

    BB: It is obvious that Gen. Halftrack is way too old to be a commanding officer in anybody’s army–even the Salvation Army. Halftrack is clearly an inmate in a mental institution suffering from dementia and hallucinating the entire strip. An “A” for effort for hallucinating Ms. Buxley.

    H&L: A foot fetishist is born.

  236. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    FW Ha ha. That’s funny because Harry is a hoarder and he claims to have priorities.
    (Did the USPS lose something of Batiuk’s in the mail recently?)

    @terrapin (#129):

    Luanne: Sewing and bowling do not make a man interesting, Quill.

    But consider Quill’s perspective. He is on a “date” where he gets to sit and watch (for what, two, three hours?) his “girl” and her friends bowl. Interesting AND romantic!
    The next date will be at a movie theater where Luann will point the phone’s camera at the screen maybe even resting it between her breasts. Yeah, Quill is the envy of all his mates in Australia, because he has a hot American girlfriend.

  237. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#207):

    So, after all these years, “Aunt Fritzi” must have finally come clean about where Nancy came from.

    Ah, you mean Fritzi’s little indiscretion with Bil Keane? (It was supposed to just be a routine business trip.)

  238. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    Zits-You know what else is amazing about the Moon, man has walked on it.

  239. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns-”You bitch. You’ve ruined my life” is what Leroy is thinking.

  240. Alter Ego
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#206): Kudos! That’s twice in a row you got a good joke out of a “love is” strip that seemed hopelessly bland to me.

  241. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#234): Yes! Gil Thorpe has been a recurring (but never seen) character since last season.

    PBS: I noticed some other folks cheering on little Andy today. Please tell me that I’m not the only one here who’s dreading the end of this little story because I’m so worried that the outcome will be Andy’s re-chaining.

  242. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

  243. Liam
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    Luann-”I do agree that ‘U’ is interesting but I don’t think I can generate enough conversation about that letter.”

  244. Sequitur
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#238):

    Zits-You know what else is amazing about the Moon, man has walked on it.

    And yet man has never pissed on it. Go figure.

  245. endless sky
    December 12th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#11): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#241):
    PBS: You would think “Mutts” would be a safe haven, but that strip has a chained-up dog character too. Let’s keep our paws crossed for Andy!

  246. Sequitur
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @endless sky (#245): I don’t know. I’m kinda hoping the little guy will end up at Pooch Cafe.

  247. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#229): Thanks! I hadn’t looked at Partially Clips before.

    // One of these days — a slow one — I’ll take the time to look at every comic on the Darkgate List.

  248. Droopy Says
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#244): Actually, man has done exactly that, in two different fashions:

    1: Check out the X-ray of an A7L moonsuit here:

    http://tinyurl.com/2bkttdv

    Buzz Aldrin said that he had a weak bladder, and one of his first actions after steping onto the lunar surface was to make use of the suit’s urine collector. So chalk up another first for America’s manned space program: the first man to relieve himself on live, interplanetary TV.

    2: Apollo 17 left the SIDE (Suprathermal Ion Detection Experiment, if my memory is right) on the moon. After Apollo 17 returned to Earth, the SIDE detected water molecules. It was later determined that this water came from urine that had been vented from the Apollo CSM’s storage tank (as in “Apollo 13″) while it was still in lunar orbit. When it rains, it pours.

  249. Sequitur
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#248): I should have known that man would have figured out a way to do it.

    Where man goes piss follows. And you can quote me on that.

  250. popamatic
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    FW: Christ, what an asshole!! So… what, Crazy? You apparently feel you are entitled to a job for life? Join the real world, or go to hell, or both. Sell off those “precious” books of yours, and with the proceeds you can be rolling in crappy pizza for at most two, three days.

  251. Lael
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    “of” or “from” playing sports???

  252. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#231): Well, it was just the one call, in over a month. I wonder if he had just walked out for a smoke break, came back in, and said, “Hey! Where’d everybody go? Hello! Hello!? … Oh well, got to get back to making calls.”

    Weird to think it was me he got the word from.

  253. brendancalling
    December 12th, 2012 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I have more fun when i read Luann aloud, usually in broad stereotypes. So Gunther’s voice sounds like Fred Schneider with a lisp, Rosa sounds like Speedy Gonzalez, Quill sounds like the “shrimp on the barbie” guy, etc. Luann usually sounds like Julia Child as voiced by John Waters.

    MT: I always read MT’s voice like a robot.

  254. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#232): “Youse wins de dorg, mister!” chorused the urchins.

    @Sequitur (#244) and @Droopy Says (#248): The words of the great Buzz Aldrin: “I was the first man to pee his pants on the Moon.”

  255. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#236): That’s a really good point about how boring this “date” must be for Quill. Is Luann going to play “girl in a box” for his friends for their next date, or is he doomed to always being stuck at home while she waves her smartphone around and then abandons him to talk to the likes of Gunther?

    I mean, I’ve done the long-distance relationship thing, and while chatting while both of you potter about the house doing chores and fixing dinner can be nice, I can’t imagine the value of doing something like this.

  256. Sequitur
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @brendancalling (#253): And make sure you read Mary Worth with the voice of Judy Tenuda.

  257. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Putter, I mean. Though “potter about” has a sort of Englishy charm to it.

  258. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 12th, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

  259. This Guy
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#249): Where man goes piss follows. And you can quote me on that.
    Oh, bullshit. I have it on the authority of a very reputable website that you stole that from Albert Camus.

  260. Droopy Says
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: “Wouldn’t you know it, those museum people tripped me up by using–common sense! And I’ll bet Kraven figured out that trick, too!” Suddenly it’s, well, not exciting, but potentially Peter Parker’s toughest challenge ever.

    Flunky Feeble: So Krazy thinks he’s a dog? Play dead, boy!

    Family Circus: Oh, Thel, there are plenty of non-electric toys that won’t lead to endless grumbling. Knives, axes and sausage-grinders come to mind. Give ’til it hurts!

    Mock Trail: What do you mean, Trail, you couldn’t watch the sharks eat Otto? What sort of avid naturalist are you? And what am I going to do with all this popcorn?

    Pluggers: Pluggers come up with better “we can’t go fishing” excuses than Trail ever handed to Rusty. Hey, has Elrod ever mentioned Rusty’s real last name? Because maybe we just discovered the true meaning of Brookins’s “Rusty Bumpers” blog name!

    Phantom: If after first you don’t succeed, fail, fail again. Until the lion eats you, which should be easy when you swing this close to a big, hungry cat.

  261. Poteet
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — Also, Santa is a bad-tempered asshat who should never have been picked for this gig. Fortunately, you’re not a realistic child, so no harm done.

  262. Poteet
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    A3G — “Oh, didn’t I tell you, Margo? I’m being exiled to South Dakota again for a few months. When they can’t think of anything to do with me, that’s where I go. If I had enough brains to plan it well, I’d poison your coffee. I’m sick of being the third wheel around here.”

  263. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail Robot: So instead of closing my ocular sensors and using my sound hole to emit a MIDI whistling sound, I decided to rescue you from the shark attack.

  264. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    A 3G
    Margo:
    I should have guessed [you’d have a lame ass excuse to cover up for your absence from this storyline for the past three months that would extend through the holidays], Tommie.

    LuAnn: Oh, didn’t I tell you, Margo? You’ve changed. You used to be one of us but now we don’t know who you are. You show up once a month, hook me up with a British Dandy –who is, while admittedly handy, no subsititute for a stable relation plus the friendship I had with the Old Margo Magee, where ever she is.

    And, by the way, I’m having the party, dig? You may or may not be invited.

    //and thus ends my snarking day. surely not other strips can be worth typing about for me.

  265. Poteet
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    MW — Is Mary just sailing along in space at this point as captain of the Bad Ship Pontification, well beyond even trying to answer any actual questions? If so, why isn’t the column called WENDY GASSING?

    And what kind of bird is that? The tail makes it look like a mutant wren, the color makes it look like a mutant catbird, the bill makes it look like a mutant finch, and the overall impression is of a possible mutant water ouzel. Is it some California bird that I don’t know? I demand more MW birds in the future, because this one is much more interesting than Dawn.

  266. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    hmf.

    I was wrote too soon…………….

    Thirsty McGlugglug for the Win!
    Awwwwwww Yeah!

    A levitating, artificial Christmas Tree with decorations from the 7-11!!!!!

    Oh wait. There’s no Five, Golden Drinks!
    No Four Pauli Girls.
    No Three Bud Limes.
    No Two Tequila Jugs.
    No OOOONE EMMMMMPTY CAAAAAAAAN!

    Bummer. I count on Hi & Lois’ Merry Neighbor to truly usher in the Season on the Funny Pages.

  267. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#265):

    Do we know for sure that it is not some surveillance device watching over Mary’s shoulder to see what she is writing? If she is writing her thoughts out then what she writes could be used to influence that Funky Winkerbean Postal Worker to….

    nah…

    It’s probably just some plastic doodad that the Charterstone Landscaping Committee thought would liven up that Morgue of a view.

  268. Baka Gaijin
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#256): I will never be able to unhear that.

  269. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#262):

    Ooops. I just now saw you filled in Tommie’s Blank. Using Brevity for your wit.

    //one thing about Margo Magee, as a name is that I can’t help but think of that song “Me and Bobby McGee” (?)

    True, I don’t know the lyrics. But, it seems kind of like a lament for something once had and now gone; it’s mournful. Maybe I’m wrong and I just got super sick and tired of hearing it sung live by singers at parties. But, anyway, it is tough not to think of (what little I know of) that song. If only the comic were so poetic (again, I’m guessing it is poetic if people can memorize the lyrics).

    Now that it occurs to me, that part of those parties took forever, usually when the people in that part of the party pad were drunk enough to listen–and the performers were drunk enough to perform–so maybe this party Margo is having will be a real hoot should that stage of an actual fun soiree be reached in this strip. Oh, I know the previous sentence is too much for words. But, the point is:
    I want to see a drunken bash in this strip with all of the male celebrants serenading Margo. Heck, even the old goateed guy can get frisky. The more the merrier!

    Ole!

  270. Inkwell
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#156): I started to say you could tell they were old by the line “that electronic computer gives me the creeps“, but then I realized Hi is just as likely to say that in tomorrow’s strip.

  271. Charly
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    http://www.gocomics.com/luann/1999/11/19

    Basically, Gunther is a creepier, two-armed Jim.

  272. Droopy Says
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    Mar’ma’duq: Man may have pissed on the moon, but the Hellhound pisses on man’s world, and we are all the poorer for it.

  273. Droopy Says
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#270): The interesting thing about that cartoon is how the computer has a large light bulb in its front panel, and has needle gauges instead of the expected reel-to-reel tapes. Plus, the positions of the machine and workers change from panel to panel. Even in the Fifties “Hi and Lois” strove to be technologically backward and inartistic. Somehow it doesn’t comfort me to know these traditions have endured into the twenty-first century.

  274. seismic-2
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#273): I think the idea with the needle gauges (smaller than tape reels) and the strange light bulb (actually, a vacuum tube of some sort) in the middle is to give the machine a quasi-human face (with those over-sized, um, whatever they are – maybe buttons or switches? – forming the “mouth”), thus lending credence to Hi’s claiming that the computer is watching him, an anthropomorphism that is reinforced by the punch line (such as it is) regarding the placement of Mr. Foofram’s hat on top of the “brain”. It is that feeble attempt at humor, of a sort, that has endured into the 21st century, and all these decades later, they still aren’t any better at it.

  275. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: I’ll bet Kraven totally figured something out that took me by surprise! See, Spidey is more self-aware than we thought! Just as useless, though.

    JP: not wanting a big ceremony isn’t quite the same as just not wanting your father and his trophy wife at the ceremony. Randy’s a dick, is what I’m saying. How the Hell did Katherine become a sympathetic character?

  276. Thleen
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    You know, I really forgot that Aussie boy was on the date with them, and so thought this was another weird fantastical trip into Gunter’s mind, wherein a baseball card was giving him encouraging advice.

    I’m not sure I prefer the real version.

  277. Droopy Says
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#274): Yeah, I caught the vague facelike look of the computer. I forgot to mention it, probably because of the mind-numbing effect of the cartoon.

    I was going to say that the vacuum tube is “obviously” a light bulb, thanks to its shape and that curly filament. But whoever did this strip was so ignorant of his own era’s technology that he probably thought a vacuum tube was something the wife used to clean the carpets.

  278. Mr. O'Malley
    December 13th, 2012 at 4:46 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#273): I have seen computers from the 1950s with gauges on the front panel, indicating the supply voltage for the tubes. I’ve also seen a disk drive with gauges to indicate the air pressure being supplied to fly the read/write heads.

    It’s a rather small computer for its time, and sitting out in the office when most computers were in a special room. But most people at the time had never seen a computer.

    I think it’s interesting that as well as Beetle Bailey, Lois has another brother named Bruiser.

  279. Ned Ryerson
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:52 am [Reply]

    MW: Wait? Let go of negativity responsibly? That’s your message, Mary, er, Wendy? Could you please describe for me an example of irresponsible disposal of negativity? I have lots of negativity I’d like to dispose of, but I don’t want to spoil the landscape by irresponsible letting go actions. Is there a toll-free number I should call first? Will I need a permit?

  280. Ned Ryerson
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:03 am [Reply]

    Luann: No Gunther, you tool, Rosa is asking you if you’re ready to roll as in make like a bread truck and haul buns. This scene is lame! Lame ass Luann on a date with a phone. C’mon Goober, she watch you to take her back to your place and show her your embroidery!

  281. gleeb
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: Ed loves this Santa gig because it gives him fresh ways to hate young people and ruin their tender lives.

    ‘bean: Meanwhile, important business letter, holiday greetings, and yes, come-ons for credit cards go undelivered. Because Crazy Harry is a bad letter carrier.

  282. Doctor Handsome
    December 13th, 2012 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#94): Strongly disagree. The interests you mentioned imply a level of monomania that is inherently fascinating in its craziness. Sewing & bowling are just… meh.

  283. Peanut Gallery
    December 13th, 2012 at 7:41 am [Reply]

  284. Ed Snyder
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    “I admire its purity…unhampered by conscience…or sentiment…or delusions of marital bliss…”

  285. CanuckDownSouth
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    JP: “Just the two of us” – I’m not aware of any state where you don’t need a witness (or two?). You could, I suppose, grab a courthouse staffer for 5 minutes. Or you could not act antisocial about what is supposed to be a happy occasion, say if they’d like to come as witnesses the dress code is casual and you’ll all go out for pizza afterward.

    Funky: “Venerated senior people”? It’s the postal service, not some guru-filled monastic order!

  286. John C Fremont
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns 12/12 – Carrion my wayward son, there’ll be peas when you are done.

    Sure, I could’ve said this yesterday when it was, y’know, relevant or something…

    FC – So I can’t help but notice that Thel likes short skirts and knee-high boots. I think she’s saying something, too.

  287. UGG BUTTE
    January 22nd, 2014 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    “She is fine and sends you her love.” Chaise was perfectly repellent when he smirked.

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