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Theological Thursday

Wizard of Id, 12/13/12

If there’s one thing I took away from my failed attempt at becoming a historian (other than a failed attempt to become a historical romance novelist), it was a tendency to overthink comics set in the past. I’ve mused at great length about the historical setting for Hagar the Horrible, but generally haven’t bothered with the Wizard of Id because it’s such a weird mishmosh of vaguely medieval tropes. I actually hadn’t given much thought until today about the co-existence of Id’s occasionally seen Catholic establishment and the Wizard’s dark magic, but I’m intrigued to learn that the Idish (Idian?) men of Christ view the Wiz’s dark magic in what’s probably a fairly historically accurate manner. Presumably Brother Whosit here sees himself like Elijah going up against the priests of Baal, or like Jesus Himself, curing a poor soul of the demons that afflict him. Little does he know that the the Wiz contains worse evil than even the foulest spawn of hell. We can only imagine the scene of insanely violent spiritual slaughter that takes place after the third panel here.

Marvin, 12/13/12

Meanwhile, Marvin has gotten all hopped on Arminianism and believes that, just because God created him complete with free will, he answers to no earthly authority. Look for him to be getting a possibly misspelled “Only God Can Judge Me” prison tattoo before his 25th birthday.

Apartment 3-G, 12/13/12

Man, this is one of the cheapest, most transparent “drag out the drama” techniques in the soap opera strip’s arsenal, and yet I’m totally drawn in by it! Arrrgh, why can’t Lu Ann go to Margo’s Christmas party? Is she a Jehovah’s Witness now? Will she be busy having her face smooched by Greg, who seemed on the verge of becoming her boyfriend but then didn’t, I don’t think? I CAN’T HANDLE THE SUSPENSE!!!

235 responses to “Theological Thursday”

  1. Little Blue Bicycle
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Oh, didn’t I tell you Margo? I have to rehearse. I’m going to be something called a “Bond girl.”

  2. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    The word for the inhabitants of Id is *Idiots*…of course.

    And Finger-quoting Margo had evidently given say to Finger-pointing Margo. Poke-in-the-eye Finger-pointing Margo.

  3. Sock Puppet
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    I believe the proper term for a denizen of the Kingdom of Id is “Idiot.” Or maybe I’m conflating the characters with the creator. In this case, that might not be a mistake.

  4. Steve
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    S-M/MW: These comics continue to work as a crossover. Today, Mary advises Peter: You could be enjoying yourself in Las Vegas. You could be celebrating your promotion from self-photographer to janitor. All you need to do is let go of the idea that Kraven is planning to stealing a tiara. YOU HAVE NO FACTS WHICH SUPPORT THIS IDEA. IT PROBABLY ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN.

  5. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    *way. Not “say”.

    As for Marvin, will his prison sentence be for public pooping? Stay tuned. Or, you know, don’t.

  6. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    A3G-And so ends Margo’s exciting time as a publicist now begins her new exciting adventure of party planner.

    A3G 2-”I’m going back to South Dakota with my real mother to rub it in the face of my family.”

    A3G 3-”I should’ve guessed, Tommie, that you would put poor and sick people ahead of me.”

    FC-”So none of the kinky sex toys this year?”

    FW-If there is no post office in town anymore then that mailbox can go away.

    MT-Why couldn’t you watch Otto get eaten? I could. Would it have thrown you off your lunch?

    Pluggers-Do I smell a crossover with Love Is?

  7. Chareth Cutestory
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Marvin: That eager look on the faces of both Marvin’s parents means they are either very eager to be done with their little shit monster for just a few hours or they’re very eager to go try to make another little shit monster. One of those things I condone.

  8. gleeb
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#6): That’s no mailbox. The USPS assassins, in coordination with the Happiness Police, have come to silence Crazy Harry. The box is just one of their cunning disguises.

  9. Spunde
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    WoI: Because of course, when you think of evil comic strip characters, the Wizard of Id is the first that comes to mind. Whose moments of quiet reflection are not disturbed by the memory of that time the Wizard responded unenthusiastically to something his wife said?

  10. Christopher
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    The next Apartment 3-G strip will be written by Gertrude Stein, and will consist of LuAnn saying, “I did tell you Margo, did I not tell you? I tell. Did I? Tell again, I shall, though tell you I did. I tell. Did. Tell.” This will set the stage for LuAnn announcing her brief affair with Greg made her realize she’s a lesbian.

  11. Doctor Handsome
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    I love that in a strip featuring a cruel tyrannical monarch and a dungeon guard who tortures a no-longer-even-human political prisoner daily as wacky main characters, the goofy henpecked magician is still the epitome of evil. Because he’s not Christian.

  12. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    We can only imagine the scene of insanely violent spiritual slaughter that takes place after the third panel here.

    Yes, but who, precisely, will be zooming who?

    Also, I think Josh is really putting Marvin in the wrong framework here. Seeing his theology as Arminian is understandable, but that theology stressed the importance of grace over law, not embodied authority such as parents. We ought then to recall Kant, who was fiercely against authority, and who said du kannst denn du sollst, “You can, because you must!” Marvin clearly doesn’t understand that it is his very obligation to go to bed that proves his free will, thereby relativizing his claim against Mom and Dad.

    Kant, by the way, was notoriously routine in his daily habits, taking a walk at precisely the same time each day. He would not have understood – nor would he have put up with – a baby fussing about bedtime. He did not address the philosophical question of poopy drawers.

  13. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    FW – Wow, this story line veered right off into the ditch. Now, Crazy is complaining that he was expected to deliver the mail efficiently by the people who hired him as a postal carrier. I guess that is at least realistic as a depiction of the attitude of many government employees.

    Hey, Crazy? If you expected to use the job as a stepping-stone into middle management, maybe going by the nickname “Crazy” was a mistake. If you wanted to be thought of as a wise, old sage instead of just a crazy recluse, maybe you shouldn’t have spent so much time developing your reputation for obsessing over comic books.

    Just because you put envelopes into mailboxes for 20+ years doesn’t mean you are qualified for anything but giving sage advice on how to put an envelope into a mailbox. You are more like Napoleon’s mule. 20 years of service on all the major battlefields of Europe, attending all the planning conferences and present for all the battlefield decision-making. But, in the end, still nothing more than a jackass.

  14. wossname
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    MT – Mark, you bonehead, if you couldn’t stand to watch Otto being eaten by sharks, all you had to do was go to the other side of the boat. Jeez.

    A3G – I can’t wait for tomorrow’s strip! I’m hoping for something like “Oh, didn’t I tell you, Margo? Greg and I are going on a ski trip to Chamonix Christmas week, so you’ll be all alone in this lonely crappy apartment.”

    Archie – Original dialog in 1978:
    “How was the artists’ convention, sir?” “Fascinating!”
    “Look at this handsome oil painting of me!”

    GT – So is that fact that I have no idea what “you know” refers to a sign that I haven’t been diligent enough in reading GT? Or is this, like, a mysterious enigmatic foreshadowing clue kind of thing?

    MW – Please kill me now. Oh wait, was that the negativity I’m carrying? Then I guess I need to responsibly stop reading Mary Worth!

  15. Sue D. Nymme
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Josh: I believe the proper term for denizens of Id is “Idiots”. At least, that was a gag from an ancient WoI book I have at home.

  16. Fats Pinto
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    As soon as he can be tried as an adult, Marvin will murder his parents simply to enjoy the prospect of a lifelong Dirty Protest in jail.

  17. Red Delicious
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Man, Tommie looks WORN OUT in the first panel, but by the second panel, she’s back to normal. Is she engaging in some form of subterfuge to avoid spending time with Margo? Why on EARTH would someone do that?

  18. cheech wizard
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Oh, didn’t I tell you Margo? I’m already planning to have a party here. I…um…guess I didn’t invite you.” Then over the weekend we’ll get the bloody carnage we were so cruelly denied in Mark Trail.

  19. Sue D. Nymme
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Marvin: I do NOT want to know what “bedtime sport” Marvin’s dad is propositioning his son with.

  20. Johnny Knuckles
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Wiz-o-Idiots: Glancing at the first panel, it looked like the padre was shaking a soaked rubber duck at the Wiz and the start the song, “Splish Splash (I was taking a bath).” Happily, the comic was just about the exorcism of a foul demon and not the genesis of priestly shenanigans.

  21. Hibbleton
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Your parents already let you shit all over yourself, them, and the house. What else do you want?

  22. pugfuggly
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    A3G Tommie looks relieved for now, but she should remember that Margo’s finger of death could be coming for her next…!

    FW Crazy: as a member of a generation that will never, ever ever see the kind of stable, decent-pay-for-minimal-education job like the one you had for most of your life, please take your sad, sad song and shove it up your old dog ass.

    MW After being inspired by Jim, Mary takes full advantage of her two working arms by diddling herself with alternating hands.

    MT “I couldn’t watch you get eaten by sharks! The blue shark we saw was an endangered species, and I was worried about a marine animals ability to digest that mustache. Now once you’re ready, we’re going to drag you down to the alligator swamp and…”

  23. Doctor Handsome
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Where, oh where, has my darling Margo’s mojo gone? It was bad enough when White Guy in Yellow Blazer and White Guy in Powder Blue Blazer weren’t sufficiently terrified of her, but now her own personal Larry and Shemp are blowing her off in her own damn apartment? UNACCEPTABLE.

  24. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    RMMD-”Seriously. Our doctors here don’t know the first thing about medicine. They tried sacrificing a goat to cure my cancer.”

  25. Squeak
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    “Oh, didn’t I tell you, Margo? I no longer accept party invitations delivered by a pointing finger.”

  26. Chip Whittle
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Barney Google: I wasn’t reading carefully and thought Wally asked for her paw in marriage and if there’s one place we don’t need Pluggers it’s Snuffy Smif Valley.

  27. Alice
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Luann: See, it’s funny because they’re all talking as though Quill were bowling that turn, when it’s actually Luann, because Quill’s in Australia!
    WAHAHAnoteenagersEVERdothisinreallifethanksforplayingEvans.

  28. Pozzo
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    “Didn’t I tell you, Margo? Marvin and I have joined the Wizard in rejecting the Triune godhead.”

  29. Dartpaw86
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    That reminds me of an episode of The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. Where I can’t remember exactly but there was a demon going around possessing people and causing acts of unspeakable evil, until it possessed Mandy which Mandy’s evil overpowered and killed it.

  30. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    yBigporn: butthurt much, Brooke?

    Frazz: *squick* day 2

    rIP: *chuckle*

    Lio outdrools GF.

    R&R: hrm. guess this strip is set a decade later than I thought.

    Zits: hey, at least she’s sending squee.

    Bizarro: ewwww. also, 6 weeks too late.

    MG&G: o ye godz, he is going for all twelve.

    OBH: I want a dancing garlic press!!

    6Cx: count your blessings, 1/sixth Chix.

  31. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .stoned to the BONE.

  32. hogenmogen
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    A3G: Tommie is an idiot. She takes her first opportunity in months for a speaking part and blows it by answering Margo in one simple sentence. Luann is cunning enough to drag her brief bit over two days at least. Tomorrow she may not even answer Margo, but respond with “Ok, I’ll pull your finger… Hey, what’s that smell?”

  33. McManx
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace — And with that cold snarl, Dennis took the first step toward being a serial killer.

    Hi and Lois — If there was anything sadder than the Charlie Brown Christmas tree, now we’ve found it. I expect to see these marketed in mass next year at Walgreens.

    Love is — Lately, “Love is” has been flirting with clothing a lot. Is there a comics equivalent of the Hays Office?

  34. pugfuggly
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#13):

    I really can’t tell if this is parody or not anymore. A self-professed tea partier moaning about how his menial job and minimal education didn’t get him a corner office and a a gaggle of worshiping proteges? Here’s some news, Mr Crazy: most of the blue-collar workers in your cohort were replaced by robots and overseas laborers years ago, and if you had bothered to take notice, you might have considered getting training in something else while you were still getting a paycheck. That’s certainly more than most people just entering the workforce can expect. But please, tell me more about how the world done did you wrong.

  35. booradley
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    “When you point at me like that it makes me want to kick your a$$.” This will be followed by a solid weeks of strips featuring lingerie brawling, while Tommie makes coffee. Should be entertaining …

  36. Chip Whittle
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Deflocked: “Penney’s isn’t sending out catalogs anymore! Quick, let’s go to their web site to complain…the web site containing a list of all the items they have for sale and lets you buy them right away. Wait, what am I upset about?”

    Funky Winkerbean: I guess I’m wondering what kind of advice Crazy thought he’d be offering. “That gimmick where you deliver letters? People seem to really like that from their Postal Service folks. Keep doing that. But make sure you let them simmer in Montoni’s Failure Air for a couple hours first. ” “Yeah, Les Moore gets a new set of Lisa’s oncology reports shipped him every month. It’s a thing he has.”

  37. hogenmogen
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m actually more impressed with Margo’s dismissive “I should have guessed, Tommie.” Yes, Tommie, it’s a given that you’re a simp who will sub for the nurses so that they can see their family and friends on holidays, as you have neither. I only extended the invitation to you as a courtesy, which is now balanced by my overtly rude remark about what I really think of you. Now, Luann, the key to a great party is to have a blonde chick drunk and dancing by herself waaay too early in the evening. I have only one question… Do you have what it takes??

  38. The Ghost of Jarrod
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    JP – I’m all for letting people have the wedding they want, but specifically disinviting your family is kind of douchey.

    DtM – Today’s Dennis the Menace contains actual menace, though I doubt that Ketchum Industries meant for it to appear that Dennis was about to brutally assault, kill, and dismember Margaret.

    PBS – Run, Andy, run!

    A&J – I see what you did there.

  39. seismic-2
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    A3G: “How about you, Lu Ann?”
    “Oh, didn’t I tell you, Margo? I’m dating the new James Bond. You’re simply below my new social station, and there’s just no way I would demean myself by going slumming and attending my boyfriend’s publicist’s tacky party. After all, you’re just Greg’s employee. Now you’ll excuse me, but Greg and I must go to lunch at some trendy bistro, so that we can be swarmed by paparazzi in time for tonight’s TMZ. Oh, and Margo – that’s ‘Ms Powers’ to you, by the way.”

    MW: Today Mary gives us a glimpse into just what she’s been writing for these last few months, a compendium of wisdom titled Meditations to Accompany a Bowel Movement.

  40. hogenmogen
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    DTM: He wants kiss Margret forever. “Menacing” or “Love Is…” ? You decide.

  41. Lily Sincere
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    I’ve been gone for awhile, so I’m not really familiar with this Greg guy. Is it possible he’s related to that guy from that family of religious weirdos Lu Ann was dating from last year? Because I’m betting they have some whole other version of Advent/Christmas/Epiphany where everyone gets hopped up on apple juice and saltines and Mommy gives Santa a firm and hearty handshake under the mistletoe.

  42. Dood
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Isn’t the vaguest suggestion of a party by Margo an order for Tommie and Lu Ann to scramble, prepare and bustle, cartoon-style, as a Klaxon bellows?

  43. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MW-”Like through medication.”

    MW 2-I like letting go of my negativity through alcohol.

    On Comics Kingdom somebody made this comment about today’s Mary Worth that I like; “Like you discarded Aldo Kelrast, Mary? Did you let Aldo go responsibly, Mary?”

  44. TheDiva
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    A3G: We interrupt the very, very gradually building climax (in a broad sense of the term) of our current story arc to bring you holiday party planning!

  45. Holly Folly
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    And by ‘party’ they mean, ‘chance to get drunk in someones apartment while arguing about stupid crap.’

  46. terrapin
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Oh, didn’t I tell you, Margo?” is Lu Ann’s way of stalling while some suitable excuse occurs to her. I look forward to the next two days as that last panel repeats four times while the world waits.

  47. Dood
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: One wonders if Professor Papadopoulis’ party-sense is tingling.

  48. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    JP – And, they have swerved again! Yesterday, everyone was trying to come up with a definition of “elope” that covered what the randy Judge Randy was doing. Not the traditional definition, where you run off and get married without a ceremony and without telling your parents, but some other definition where you first ask your parent’s permission before running off to get married without a ceremony. But Randy has managed to subvert even that definition, to the point where eloping now means “asking your parents’ permission to get married while specifically disinviting them to the ceremony”.

    Bottom line – this story line is inflicting emotional pain on at least one of the entitled characters that populate this strip, so I am in favor of it!

  49. Scott Free
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    I don’t want to think too hard about what Marvin’s eventual prison tattooist will use for pigment, other than to suspect it likely won’t be India ink or pencil shavings.

  50. Mustang
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Oh, didn’t I tell you Margo? Are you sure? Because I don’t remember.

  51. Cloudbuster
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#Y222):

    Oh! had you seen him, how he dealt out death,
    And at one stroke robb’d thousands of their breath;
    While on the slaughter’d heaps himself did rise,
    In pyramids of conquest to the skies;

    Yes! It was exactly like that!
    (Was not!)
    (Uh-huh! Was too!)

  52. TheDiva
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    9CL: And now back to business as usual: vocabulary and sex!

    C’shaft: Let’s leave aside the “Kids These Days with their Twitters and iPhones” griping and focus on the little girl. She sits in profile, head jutted unnaturally forward, focusing on nothing with her dead, beady eyes. My guess: she’s the puppet in the world’s lamest ventriloquist act.

    FW: moanmoangripemoanpitymepityme…

    Luann: Aaaaand now Quill realizes this whole thing is stupid and breaks it off, right? Right?!?!

    MT: “I couldn’t punch you if you were eaten by sharks!”

    Pibgorn: Why am I not surprised this entire plot arc was inspired by teenage fantasies about Barbara Eden?

    Pluggers make interesting stories for divorce lawyers.

    SM: “My plot-relevance sense is tingling!”

  53. Marc
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    9CL- So it’s no longer a dentist’s office and is now a center of plastic surgery for oversexed douchebags.

    A3G- It’s probably for the best if Tommie isn’t at the party anyways. Parties that include a guest as God awfully boring as Tommie, don’t tend to have a very long lifespan.

    Mark Trail- In Mark Trail, every designated villain is called a theif. Regardless of whether of not they’ve ever actually stolen anything. Kidnapping doesn’t count, it’s a transaction.

    Mary Worth- I wonder if Ask Wendy’s 7 readers have caught on that there seems to be a new “Wendy” yet? You would have thought that the abrupt change from ramblings about the virtues of Miracle Whip vs Hellmans to endless pontificating about absolutely nothing and misattributed quotes qould have tipped them off right away.

    Funky- All of Batiuk’s hate mail comes via the USPS so he’s throwing a tantrum and taking out all of his anger at the “hidebound literalists” on the postal service. That’ll teach them to bring him letters criticizing his work!

    Luann- Quill is probably wishing that Dingo would have eaten him when he was a baby right about now.

    Cranky- It continues to confound me that somebody who is miserable and hateful as Crankshaft has TWO jobs that involve him being around kids.

  54. Greg
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Wiz of Id: It would have been a lot cooler if the demon coming out of the wizard was Michael Jackson. And he started singing a song from “The Wiz.” While no one under seventy would get the reference, it would be a nice wrap up for the whole strip.

  55. Anonymous
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Marvin, you didn’t say “no” out loud, or even imply it with body language. At least Garfield backs up his assholish thought bubbles with off-panel pants-shredding when need be.

  56. Doctor Handsome
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#55): That was me.

  57. A New Day
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#32): Remember when Josh used to joke, half-longingly, for Tommie to have a plot of her own? Then we got almost-infidelity, an almost-singing career, and some really irresponsible midwifery. I was going to snark about being careful what we wish for, but the midwifery was really, astoundingly entertaining and dangerous. More Tommie, please!

  58. Inkwell
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#55): He did, back when Jim Davis drew the strip by hand. Last time I read it, Garfield was immobile and woefully inexpressive.

    Has that improved? *crosses fingers*

  59. Inkwell
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Love Is: eating admiring your best friend for her delicious brain.

  60. Downpuppy
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker is delivering a secret message from Woody Wilson : Kill me. Kill me now.

    Whatever the opposite of entertainment is (Call it Proactive Tedium), this plot has it.

    There was just enough PT left over for yet another day of pointless glurge from Ask Wendy.

  61. Here come the Judge
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Jeff and Jenny sure look excited to send Marvin off to bed! What do you think they have planned?

    A big night of washing diapers, probably. You’d have thought that they would have gone to disposables by now.

  62. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Didn’t I tell you, Margo? I’m filming a James Bond movie. Apparently they let everyone do that now as long as they show up.”

    MT: “I mean, goddamn, I was seasick to begin with. Seeing your vittles fly around would have given me the puke attack of a lifetime.”

    MW: I don’t care what anybody says, if the Santa Royale Pacemaker or whatever it’s called can pay Mary Worth for sloshing out endless reams of blather and clichés, the newspaper business is doing just fine.

    9CL: Juliette doesn’t need any help in making and keeping Elliott her sexual plaything. If she did, do you really think Thorax would be the person to go to?

    Archie: A man with a sublime sense of style, Mr. Weatherbee told the photographer, “Keep the pince-nez, add a mullet.”

    BC: Mason must have heard that amputees were all the rage this season. Oh sure, he already has Wiley, but missing arms are where the action is.

    JP: Yeah, this is why the whole announcing thing isn’t generally part of the elopement procedure.

    BB: Beetle’s weird posture is distracting me from teh ghey subtext. He looks like a cheap plastic toy some kid just knocked over.

    DT: Man, Belle’s got quite the show going up top. Crime may not pay, but it has its benefits.

    GT: “I guess he’s still having trouble with… you know.” Gil Thorp takes on the heartbreak of chronic diarrhea.

    6C: Same jobs, same house… Same kids, same spouse… Suicides are made of this. [/Dino]

    DtM: After that Margaret turns around and slaps Dennis, prompting him to ask if she’s as turned on as he is. Seriously Hamilton and Ferdinand, what were you thinking with that pervy smirk?

    SSmith: The line between Appalachian courtship and organ harvesting is a disturbingly blurry one.

  63. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    frogface is the new duckface. (includes something for Poteet)

    Brilliant!

    geeky trampstamp ftw.

    slow hugz.

    happy corgi.

  64. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    9CL – “I’d like something tawdry, but with a hint of things to come, like a woman who’s been around.”

    I get that Brooke would never use a simple, declarative sentence, such as “I want to look slutty”, when he could verbally mastubate with the English language instead. But, if you are going to do this, you need to make sure that your redundancy at least maintains the context. The “but” here is incorrect and could be left out entirely, as is often the case with these Burber womens’ physique.

  65. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    happy corgi after preview fail.

  66. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#53):

    Cranky- It continues to confound me that somebody who is miserable and hateful as Crankshaft has TWO jobs that involve him being around kids.

    Three. Don’t forget the ice cream truck. Now that’s confounding.

  67. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    A3G: Hey now hey now hey now it’s finger-poppin’ time.

    I like to imagine that’ll be the background song for Margo’s massacre of the miscreants slow-motion sequence — where Ari, Greg, Mrs. Bloom, and other of Margo’s creatures fan out through Manhattan, butchering and brutalizing anyone who stands between them and Evan and Aunt Cathy — in Martin Scorsese’s 3G.

  68. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#33):

    Hi and Lois — If there was anything sadder than the Charlie Brown Christmas tree, now we’ve found it. I expect to see these marketed in mass next year at Walgreens.

    Actually Charlie Brown’s little tree turned out to be quite joyous at the end. Obviously this can’t be said of Thirsty’s tree, or his life.

  69. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-Will Margo be found days later buried in a shallow grave or in Dennis’ basement pit?

    Love Is-Not letting the thought of always being a bridesmaid get to you.l

  70. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    A3G-”Margo, you don’t give the finger to me. I give the finger to you.”

    MT-Mark, you should have let Otto die then you would have become king of the island.

  71. Droopy Says
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#13): That reminds me of a question that has never nagged me: how did the Funky Winkerbean characters get their nicknames? Is it a well-established factor of the Funkyverse, or would Crazy have some wiggle room when upper management queries him on his suitability for promotion from senior mail-bag-carrier to junior mail-cart-pusher? Could he say “That high-school nickname? I don’t know how I got it. Maybe you could ask Funky Winkerbean, who we called ‘Funky’ because of how he acted when he got wasted, or Creepy Moore, who always called us for bail money when he got busted for peeping in bedroom windows.” Or would he have to be honest and say “Well, it’s because I collected comic books, and told everyone that some day they’d be valuable, and didn’t sell them before the collectible-comics market crashed, and, um, who do you like for the Superbowl?”

  72. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    A3G-Of course you didn’t tell her, Luann. No one has seen since you were in the bath tub fantasizing about Greg.

  73. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    FW-Sorry, Crazy, but you strike me as one of the last people I would come to for advice. Your first go to action when you lost your job was to start selling everything when that should have been a measure of last resort.

  74. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    FW-”I figured I would be working at the post office until they put a bullet in the back of my head as a way of retiring.”

  75. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    FW – Really, at what point in the 20 years of putting mail into boxes did Crazy re-evaluate his premise that his ‘life’s work’ would lead to him being promoted into the “Wise Old Sage” (GS-15?) position? Did he ever meet with a superior to discuss his career path? Did he attend any training sessions? Network with other postal employees? Or did he just stuff packages into boxes six days a week, every day expecting to be told “just throw that bag of mail into the sewer, Crazy, you are an executive now!”?

  76. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#75): From what I can tell, his efforts at “networking” consisted entirely of hanging out in Montoni’s, griping. He’s good at that.

    //Not that being good at griping is a rare skill set in this place.

  77. Ned Ryerson
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Wait, is the Djinn talking about Agnes Moorehead!?

  78. Chip Whittle
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: The President can order story strips to move faster? This changes everything!

    Pibgorn: I find it wholly and completely credible that at no time in the last 45 years of wish-granting not a single person has mentioned I Dream Of Genie or Barbara Eden in front of this guy and he hasn’t taken the four seconds required to learn something about it.

  79. Calico
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Haha, Henry is a budding polygamist!
    Snuf – “Wally and I kin’t have sex without Maw’s permission!”
    Beetle – does your butt hurt too?
    JP – “Oh, just the two of us…”
    MW – GO ON PECK HER YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO DO IT
    Marvin – is a Neal Peart fan.

  80. Ned Ryerson
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#14): GT – So is that fact that I have no idea what “you know” refers to a sign that I haven’t been diligent enough in reading GT? Or is this, like, a mysterious enigmatic foreshadowing clue kind of thing?

    It’s the latter. We don’t know what “you know” means yet. I’m sure we’ll find out before the spring thaw.

  81. bbofun
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    9CL- Y’know, if I was writing/drawing a comic strip, and had the idea for a strip about different types of smiles, I would make sure I could ACTUALLY DRAW THEM, instead of just describing them. Otherwise, what would be the point? On the other hand, I’m merely a beefwit, not a genius like Mr. McEldowney.

    Pibgorn- Y’know, if I was writing/drawing a comic strip, and I wanted to have a djinn explain how members of his race don’t look like pop culture representations, I wouldn’t have ALREADY SHOWN other “members of his race” (namely Pib and Dru, who, remember, had been transformed into djinn) who look NOTHING like his description- looking more, in fact, like the “pop culture representations.” On the other hand, I’m merely a beefwit, not a genius like Mr. McEldowney.

    Luann- Y’know, if…never mind.

    ASM- But what if they guessed that he guessed that they would do that?

    A3G- I would actually be fine if they just decided to drop the whole “new James Bond/mole in the agency” (hey, wait a minute…) arc and move onto a Christmas party story. maybe Margo could be confronted by 3 Ghosts of Christmas.

    DT- The great thing is, in this strip, when they say “this weekend” it might actually be THIS weekend, and not sometime next year.

    GT- Are WE suppose to know what he’s having trouble with? In this strip, you never know.

    FW- I just can’t…so much stupid.

    JP- i’m giving Woody Wilson a pass on this one- I assume his creative juices are dry after the last arc (ah, Peaches…) and the current Rex Morgan. My prediction? Yes, small elopement- BIG (surprise) reception.

  82. Wally Winkerbean
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    We are in store for a very special Funky arc.

    The Westview post office just unceremoniously dumped a long time carrier who was passed over for promotion time and time again, killing his soul with the death of a thousand cuts.

    Now, he is moping about, giving away his prized possessions, starting to rant about the “man” and the “system”.

    **sigh**

    Cancer wasn’t good enough for us anymore, now Mr. Batiuk is going to drain his red pen dry with the horrors of going postal.

    Thanks.

  83. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#76):

    Not that being good at griping is a rare skill set in this place

    Yes, that third panel from today’s strip is pretty much the prototypical Funky Winkerbean scene. Sad-sack character, beaten down by life, laments his fate.

    An unearned lament, in the sense that the fate is not one that makes any sense in the real world. No Wally would not languish for years as a presumed KIA, then be unceremoniously dumped back in Westview with no support or back pay. No, Crazy would not wake up one day to find that the USPS had laid him off with no pension, no offer of a transfer, not even two week’s notice.

    For all the research or realism in these Scenes of Despair, we might as well just dispense with the plot altogether and have Sally Strothers narrate as we cut from scene to scene of people with haggard faces while she begs for our spare change.

  84. Calico
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#81):
    Margo will just have to make her very own Holy Trinity for Xmas, with Evan and Greg. Please don’t forget to tape it, Margo!

  85. Anonymous
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Wally Winkerbean (#82): Hoo boy, a holiday suicide arc. Festive, Tom, festive.

  86. Ned Ryerson
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#77): Wait, I might be wrong in calling just the treasure trail genie guy the Djinn. Are they all djinn? Is this worth knowing, or am I but a simple, maggot brained beefwit?

  87. Calico
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and as a baptized (but non-practicing) Catholic, I thought the “splish splish” sound of the holy water in the bottle absolutely charming.

  88. Poteet
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#63): Thanks! The frogs were definitely my favorites.

  89. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Wally Winkerbean (#82): Crazy would probably order his AK-47 and have it shipped FedEx. Way to show them.

  90. wykstrad
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Marvin is as good an argument for raising your kids with a strictly Calvinist understanding of God as I’ve come across. Maybe if Marvin was taught that his constant pants-shitting was a sign of divine reprobation, he’d at least have the decency to feel guilty about it.

  91. True Fable
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Holy shit, from the way Margo’s pointing that stabby index finger, you’d think Luann was holding back the secret of the Ages instead of why she can’t help carry out a simple sacrificial ceremony for the glory of Margo the Merciless. “Okay, OKAY! One virgin sacrifice, but then I’m off on a date with Mr. Blandman.”

  92. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#81): The A3G Ghost of Christmas Past shows Child Margo stealing her (not) mother’s hip flask and getting the Nativity play’s Joseph wasted. He pukes all over the Baby Jesus, who is somebody’s newborn. Adult Margo smiles. “Good times.”

    The A3G Ghost of Christmas Present shows Lu Ann, Tommie, Greg, Ari, pretty much everyone in her life slaving over Xmas party preparations in a state of simmering anxiety over what minor mistake will push Margo over the edge this year. Invisible Margo smiles over Tommie drudging away. “That’s right! Bathroom, bitch! Bathroom!”

    The A3G Ghost of Christmas Future shows an Old Margo, dying, all alone now that’s she alienated everyone who might possibility have grown to care for her in some small way, making a pact with Satan à la Warlock. To keep her from dying and going to Hell (where she would quickly take over), Satan restores her health and sends her back in time so she can once more fuck with everyone she once knew. To avoid a time paradox, she adopts the name “Aunt Cathy.”

    Margo thanks the three ghosts, as well as her spirit guide, Bobbi, for showing her good times past and yet to come and vows to never ever change. “Merry #*@% you to all, and too all a good #*@%!”

  93. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Wizard of Id-If you are going to do any exorcising might I recommend “Sweating to the Oldies”.

    Luann-Later on that night Luann will be disappointed that Quill can’t bring her to an orgasm even when she’s doing all the work herself.

  94. True Fable
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerstinker: Oh WAAH. I’m jobless too, Harry, and we’re the same age, but jesus man, get a grip. Besides, thanks to the stupidity and meddling of Congress, at least you’ve got a forced retiree health plan to draw from, even if the 40-years-ahead-of-time prepayment stipulation is the main reason the Postal Service is having to lay off people like you.

    Oh, and fuck you, Batiuk! It’s been a long time since I’ve given enough of a shit about your strip to say that. Yep, Truman A. Fable is back in the saddle again!

  95. True Fable
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Sam Driver’s Pretty People Posse! Whee, there’s going to be a wedding in Parkerville! That means by this time in the year 2018, we’ll finally be dishing about April’s wedding gown and still mocking Randy for wearing a small square sponge on his head.

  96. Snarkotix Addict
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    MW – “When we discard our troubles, we make room for blessings to enter our lives.”
    J.J. Audubon, A Bird in the Hand and Other Songs My Mother Taught Me, 1821

  97. Shrug, Going Out for the Varsity Ennui Team
    December 13th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#y42):

    “I’m trying to think of the two least interesting hobbies in the world for my joke here, and I just can’t top sewing and bowling.”

    Train-spotting is a standard candidate, but that’s mostly a UK thing.

    How about my own hobby of indexing old magazines for the Fictionmags Index?

    http://www.philsp.com/homeville/FMI/0start.htm

    I also do Sudoku, so I think I can at least tie Gunther for boringness. (On the other hand, I don’t have to get dating advice from Ron Headrest.)

    Once on a city bus ride I wound up sitting behind a fanatical city busline trivia fan, who I think wound up boring even the busdriver with his fascinated questions. That was a memorable claw-my-own-ears-off experience.

  98. DaveyK
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Given the pace at which Apartment 3G moves, I assume we’re panning a party for Christmas in 2013, right?

    It’s disturbing that the post-exorcism facial expression on the Wizard makes it look like he’s completed a desperately needed evacuation of either his bowels or his bladder. Possibly both.

  99. Snarkotix Addict
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS – Egad! I hope it’s not an itemized list.

    Luann – “Aw, gutter ball.”
    Poor Quill, indeed. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are not looking at Luann’s fat ass from 7000 miles away.

  100. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#83): *Cartman voice* “Sally Strothers?!?”*/Cartman voice*

  101. Poteet
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Going Out for the Varsity Ennui Team (#97): I think most hobbies can cause the ear-clawing reaction, depending on who is being forced to listen. I wanted to claw my entire head off when I was forced to listen to football trivia discussions during a temp job I had years ago, but those in the discussions were happy and enthralled.

  102. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Josh-post “Little does he know that the the Wiz contains worse evil than even the foulest spawn of hell.”

    Those of us who read Weapon Brown knew this already. ;-)

  103. Calico
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#89):
    “If it fits, it ships.”
    True annoyance – my Aunt and her boyfriend Express mailed two BDay cards to me – mailed on Nov. 20 for 12 bucks – they arrived 9 days later. Granted it was from MD to QC, but I’m miffed they paid all that money for zero enhanced service in the long run.
    Better to just throw a stamp on a card and hope for the best.

  104. UncleJeff
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Fable stole a lot of my thunder at #94 (I’m currently in “job search mode”, too).
    Crazy’s whining (and this week’s events in Michigan) remind me of our situation here in Wisconsin and a conversation I had with a local teachers’ union leader telling me about how he tried to stop the attempt to recall our corrupt governor.
    The union leader says he tried to tell leaders of the recall they would not get a lot of support from the general populace because — to them — “we are the 1 percent” — the guys with a guaranteed after-retirement income, a chance to get early retirement with health benefits, and in most small towns the wealthiest, best-educated and best able to recover quickly from layoffs.

  105. The Silent Penultimate Panel
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    It’s cute that Marvin’s dad feels the need to awkwardly cover his erection with his arms. Don’t worry, Jeff, a child Marvin’s age is still too psychosexually underdeveloped to understand what that bulge really means, much less piece together why he is being ushered off to bed so quickly. Just be careful, you two! Make sure to… aw, heck, I don’t need to warn you about anything, do I? You live in a nationally syndicated birth control advertisement, after all.

  106. Calico
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#95):
    And then the jealous potlatching can begin.
    Who will give the best gift(s)? And what will those be? Better step it up, Neiman Marcus.

  107. Shrug, With Still Ninety Minutes to Lunch Break
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#y26):

    ” Just imagine how much better your favourite novel would be if the last third of the story was just the main character reflecting on how awesome they are while stuffing their face at a diner.”

    Nothing wrong with ending a story arc with a celebratory feast — Asterix the Gaul did it all the time, and Pogo and his friends often rounded off a story with a fishfry and perloo party. Of course, they usually devoted only a single panel, maybe two panels, to this finale, but these days comic characters, like us real life sorts, have taken to eating too much, so the quaintly obsolete single panel has been replaced by a few weeks of gluttony, while the concurrent self-important self-worth movement has also ensured that the smug will expand to fill the space available.

  108. Optimus Prime Rib
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Of course the Wizard of Id strip implicitly validates Catholic belief and its efficacy. You don’t see that much in strips these days.

  109. Baka Gaijin
    December 13th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#2): I would pay serious bucks for a Finger-Pointing Margo with patented Eye Poking Action!!

    @pugfuggly (#22) on Mary Worth: I would not pay serious bucks for the Mary Worth with patented Alternating Self-Diddling Action!!

    @seismic-2 (#39) on Mary Worth: I would have nightmares reading Meditations to Accompany a Bowel Movement.

  110. Baka Gaijin
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#47): And another comics action figure: Professor Papadopoulis with Tingling Party Sense.

    @Marc (#53) on Mary Worth: Canary butts don’t have eyes and therefore cannot read the “Ask Wendy” columns lining their cages.

    @wykstrad (#90): New comics action figure: Marvin with constant pants-shitting!! Yeah, the entire production run will end up in the same New Mexico dump as the Atari E.T. cartridges.

    @True Fable (#95): Randy Parker action figure with Sponge Square Action!!

    OK, I guess I’ve just about scraped the bottom of the barrel with the last comics action figure.

  111. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    JP: What’s the over-under on something (non-lethal and non-permanent) happening to April in Kuwait to teach Randy a Very Important Lesson on the importance of family.

    MW: Mary checks her own pulse to make sure she’s still alive. Meanwhile in Panel 1, a refugee from Mark Trail wonders if life behind the Wooden Curtain might not have been, if not better, at least slightly more interesting than staring through windows into beige-on-beige home offices.

  112. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, With Still Ninety Minutes to Lunch Break (#107): Pogo and his friends often rounded off a story with a fishfry and perloo party

    And often a redemptive one in which the villains of the most recent arc were invited to share in the feast before heading off down the swamp. Re-reading some of my old collections, I’m really struck by how gentle and good-natured the strip was, even when engaged in biting satire of characters such as Simple J. Malarky or the Spiro Agnew dog/Richard Nixon spider.

    When you know that, odds are, when you meet the enemy they will turn out to be us, it helps to be forgiving and compassionate.

  113. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, With Still Ninety Minutes to Lunch Break (#107): “Pogo and his friends often rounded off a story with a fishfry and perloo party.”

    Is this anything similar to MW’s salmon squares and pool party?

  114. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Popeye: I’m pleased to see Popeye taking on gun culture machismo in the most sophomoric and dismissive manner possible.

  115. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#103): This brings up an interesting, yet off-topic conundrum… what happens when you express-mail something across a national border? The way I understand it, there are inter-operating agreements for standard surface mail services between, but I never considered the express or air mail portions. I personally use FedEx or UPS when going across national borders for anything more important than a thank-you note or QSL report anyway.

    I’m willing to bet that the day will come when the USPS will discover that it is cheaper/easier to subcontract to UPS. This will lead to the great FW/Cheers crossover that nobody has been waiting for. Cliff Claven and Crazy Harry will have to drown their sorrows in bad pizza when they commiserate. Funky and Sam Malone will both fall “off the wagon”. Les and Fraiser will continue to be smug, over-educated assholes. Norm will sit and drink beer (couldn’t figure out the FW-equivalent for Norm — sorry).

  116. Shrug, Contemplating Fake Reality
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#y208):

    “It was only Lego for a short while, and became a realty agency with no real reason for the decorations, but they were there for a while, as I recall.”

    Here in Minneapolis there’s a realty agency whose office is in what used to be a historic White Castle hamburger shop. (Historic because it was the first one ever, I think, or maybe just the first one in Minnesota.) I like the idea of reality agencies with a sense of whimsy. (I’m sure ours gets tired of people coming in and trying to order cheeseburgers, though.)

  117. Baka Gaijin
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    I hope to God Spiderman isn’t turning into “The Necklace” by Guy De Maupassant.

  118. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#40):

    This is what I was thinking.

    He doesn’t show Margaret’s* reaction so you need to rely upon interpreting Dennis’ expression.

    Now, we could get HyperSlylock-Foxian and do an analysis of how the front of the overalls Dennis is wearing seems to be depicting and upside-down, broken valentine heart but that would be going to far. Besides, I’m just joking.

    It is the mysterious intent of his left hand that begs to be be understood. Is he being shown in mid-motion as he is going to offer himself to her sweet embrace? Or, is he going to blow her a kiss? Or, is he going to gesture to her signifying it is her choice?

    Or, will Dennis Do What Dennis Does: put his thumb to his nose, wiggle his fingers and utter, with mischievous glee, “Neener, Neener, Neener!”?

    *i shouldn’t know the character’s name.

  119. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#117): I wouldn’t mind that if Peter’s the one who has to slave away for 40 years to pay off a nonexistent debt, especially if it means every panel of every strip every day for the next for 40 years shows Peter standing behind a counter, wearing a paper wedge-cap saying, “Welcome to McDoodles. May I take your order?”

  120. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Contemplating Fake Reality (#116):

    The first one ever? I’d double-check the website to see where it started out.
    Once upon a time, I knew where it began. Now I don’t. But, I do know there is a corporate website and that site does probably have the History of the Chain.

    I am confusing its origins with Steak and Shake’s origins, which, again, for some silly reason, I once knew but no longer know. The thing about Steak and Shake’s story is somehow my brain is prioritizing Roger Ebert’s poetic waxings on that eatery with official corporate copywriters’ explanations.

    Oh, well, back to work.

  121. Shrug, Now Only Twelve Minutes to Lunchtime
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#112):

    True that.

    Of course, redemptive or not, it was still hard luck on the fish.

    /// In the MAD parody “Gopo Gossum,” a fish called them on their cannibobalism, and the Howland Owl character explained that it was too bad, but it was just getting harder and harder to catch human beings.

  122. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-”So I’m going steal the real tiara and swap it out with the fake one all to frame Kraven for stealing the tiara.”

    Gil Thorp-Is this Fowler missing a limb? That might explain why he is half there. Missing limbs are rather common in comics nowadays.

  123. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Now Only Twelve Minutes to Lunchtime (#121):

    And yet, Albert Alligator was falsely accused and put on trial for eating the Pup-Dog. And he did accidentally swallow a trio of church mice at one point. I also remember an arc where Wiley Cat and Sarcophagus McAbre tried to convince Pogo to join them for pot-luck, with Possum being on the menu.

    In fact, there were often stories where a bug or a worm was desperate to avoid being turned into fishing bait! Why were only the fish spared anthropomorphimization?

    Cannibobbles!!

  124. Dood
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: It’s only a party if Queen Bee makes the scene.

  125. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    It’s sort of amusing that something is so happy to see you that it piddles from excitement.

    even if it just a hyper Aussie Shepard pup out for a walk past the house. :-)

  126. Little Guy
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    yCurtis: This one slipped through….. correct me, but is the guy in the chair reading the newspaper making the razzberry sounds suppose to be the adult and parent?

  127. Mike
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Spunde (#9): I’m glad I decided to read the comments before posting, because thats what I was going to say. I think this punchline would work….in another strip. But the Wizard has NEVER been portrayed as evil (in my recollection) and the stupid “hahaha…look ’tis funny!” expression on his face in the last panel ruins it.

  128. commodorejohn
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    How much do I love it that this is a site where “Meanwhile, Marvin has gotten all hopped up on Arminianism” is typical discourse? Lots, that is how much.

  129. Calico
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#115):
    One weird (but actually efficient) occurence is that I mailed an odd-sized box via CA Post to BTown VT with some gifts for our recently deceased friend’s daughter, and the box got there in 4 days, Th-Mon.
    It is all so unpredictable I just go with the cheapest options now.

  130. Downpuppy
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

  131. seismic-2
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    JP: I think a small wedding attended only by family and close friends would be fine, but I’m sorry to hear that even they will not be allowed to attend. I had hoped to hear Sophie Spencer and her toy-boy belt out a stanza of Oh Promise Me on their Bender Blasters, watch Alan Parker fall from the balcony into the wedding cake, and see the reception end with April’s tossing her 39DD bra-bouquet, which would be caught by Gloria Sanchez.

  132. Baka Gaijin
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Cetacean Love Buzz (#119): Great angle. I hadn’t thought of that.

  133. Baka Gaijin
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    OK, I think I see how this Spiderman story will work out. When Kraven is caught with a tiara and Showgirl Sherry is caught with a tiara, Spiderman will pull out a tiara, too. He’ll explain he boosted the real tiara from the museum and replaced it with a fake he got out of the claw machine in the Denny’s at the Bellagio.

    Don’t ask where these people are pulling tiaras out of.

  134. Doctor Handsome
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Going Out for the Varsity Ennui Team (#97): OK, trainspotting and sudoku are pretty solid answers. Gunther still sucks unbelievably hard, though.

  135. Shrug, Stealing That Extra Bow
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#26):

    Even more frighteningly, the “joke” here was used as one of the featured “jokes” in PICTURE PERFECT, that terrible play that Mary Jane starred in during the “Clown 9″ saga in AMAZING SPIDER-MAN earlier this year.

    So Broadway’s concept of cutting-edge humor is now only a matter of months ahead of that of Hootin’ Holler’s.

    /// Except on Broadway you’re expected to pay big bucks for a ticket, and in Hootin’ Holler if you wait a few weeks you can hear the same jokes for free over the back fence.

  136. KreatureFeatures
    December 13th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#13):

    If you expected to use the job as a stepping-stone into middle management, maybe going by the nickname “Crazy” was a mistake.

    I think this sentence pinpoints what’s so irksome about Crazy’s week-long mope-a-thon. For years, he has embodied the opposite of the responsible, wise, venerated sage. Now it turns out that he’s heartbroken that no one ever saw him as one. Plus, isn’t Crazy supposed to be the same age as Les Moore? He seems to be turning into a senior citizen right before our eyes.

  137. Shrug, Wildely Enthusiastic
    December 13th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#99):

    I saw what you did there.

  138. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Between Friends It is funny because it is true (or because I’m bored).

    Hazel It isn’t funny: HA HA. It is more funny: HMMMM, I see. It’s a thinker.

    Pluggers I was crazy enough to marry a chicken. A chicken was crazy enough to marry me. I’ve restrained an impulse to eat her. So, I prune bushes instead of peeing on trees.
    End this madness, Pluggers! If anything that dog should be trying to chase trucks, not talk to ones that don’t move!

    Hagar It just dawned on me that Hagar wears t-shirts. No wonder these t-shirt ads pop up instead of ones recommending vactionspots for pillaging. I usually get the latter when reading Marmaduke

    Mutts You can switch locations all you want, pal. But don’t think people are going to be forgiving for your Chicken Soup Sentiments when you show a cat and a dog sitting on their haunches at a diner while the short order cook accepts this circumstance. Bah Humburger!

    Love Is… Okay. So let me get this straight: Their friends are not nudists? It’s just them. Hey. Thas cool.

  139. commodorejohn
    December 13th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#131): Do the women in Judge Parker even need bras? I kind of figured that physics just makes exemptions for them.

    @KreatureFeatures (#136): What irks me about Crazy is that he really seems like he should be The Dude, but when you get down to it he’s just another narcissistic Boomer stereotype hidden beneath a veneer of generic, store-brand Quirk™. It’s like Batiuk simply cannot conceive of having any character close to being a “viewpoint” character who doesn’t have their head shoved as far up their wrinkled ass as he does.

  140. Shrug, Overthinking the Fish Thing
    December 13th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#123):

    There was one anthropomorphized fish character very early in the POGO strip’s history — as it happens, the Wikipedia entry even reports on his (only?) appearance:

    Pogo has been engaged in his favorite pastime, fishing in the swamp from a flat-bottomed boat, and has hooked a small catfish. “Ha!” he exclaims, “A small fry!” At this point Hoss-Head the Champeen Catfish, bigger than Pogo himself, rears out of the swamp and the following dialogue ensues:

    Hoss-Head [with fins on hips and an angry scowl]: Chonk back that catfish chile, Pogo, afore I whops you!
    Pogo: Yassuree, Champeen Hoss-Head, yassuh yassuh yassuh yassuh yassuh… [tosses baby fish back in water]
    Pogo [walks away, muttering discontentedly]: Things gettin’ so humane ’round this swamp, us folks will have to take up eatin’ MUD TURKLES!
    Churchy (a turtle) [eavesdropping from behind a tree with Howland Owl]: Horroars! A cannibobble! [passes out]

    ******
    Hoss-Head was probably a mistake, since ever since I saw that strip I felt sorry for the poor fish that Pogo et al caught at times when their Champeen did not happen to be around to protect them.

  141. Roktober
    December 13th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    LuAnn is asking Margo if she told her the reason she cannot attend the Christmas party because she has no idea.

  142. Mr. O'Malley
    December 13th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Going Out for the Varsity Ennui Team (#97): Consider yourself lucky you didn’t meet Frank Folupa (AKA William Sidis) on a streetcar!

  143. Spotts1701
    December 13th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#115): Actually, it’s the other way around – UPS and FedEx (along with many other parcel companies) subcontract out to the U.S. Postal Service for “last mile” delivery in areas where they either don’t have delivery service or it’s not cost-efficient for them to make the delivery. I’ve ordered stuff from Amazon that was shipped out from the Amazon warehouse via UPS and then delivered by my letter carrier.

  144. Sequitur
    December 13th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#133): By the way, Baka, I left you a note [@Sequitur (yy#203):] a couple of posts back.

    Hey! I wonder from where they’re pulling out all those tiaras? Could you elaborate?

  145. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#133): It’s tiaras all the way down.

    Actually, I’m envisioning a homage to that old Bullwinkle gag.

    Kraven: Hey, Showgirl Sherry, watch me pull a tiara out of my … neckwear thingy.

    Showgirl Sherry: That old trick?

    Kraven: Nothing up my sleeve! PRESTO! [produces Spider-Man's bloody severed head] Woops! Wrong neckwear thingy!

  146. Mr. O'Malley
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#123): I remember that Pogo used to catch Ferd and they would wish each other good afternoon before throwing Ferd back.

  147. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    LEGGGGOOOOOOOOOO

    I saw some discussion about expense. That NPR article says why. When you’ve read it, tell me what it says (I can’t read. haha) Just kidding. I didn’t bother reading it and am just putting it up here for the curiosity of others.

  148. Zerowolf
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Once again, they can’t think of an interesting plot line for me, so I’m going to South Dakota to visit my completely dysfunctional family for Christmas, which means it will be sometime around April before I make another appearance in this strip.

  149. Zerowolf
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: And if that doesn’t work, cut the son of a bitch’s brake lines.

  150. Mibbitmaker
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Falling behind with my own strip, now even later here. Oversnarpologies…

    A3G:
    Tomorrow’s A3G: Panel one — “No, LuAnn, you didn’t!” Panel 2 — “Well…..”

    Saturday’s A3G: Caption: “LuAnn continues telling Margo, and…” One single panel — “……..I………”

    Sunday’s A3G: (recap of this week’s strips)

    WoI: It’s like late-period Johnny Hart is still writing this somehow.

    Marvin: Baby Marvin expells demons, too — every couple of days, in his strip, inside his diaper.

  151. Droopy Says
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#150): WoI: It’s like late-period Johnny Hart is still writing this somehow.

    Maybe the exorcism just changed that.

  152. Zerowolf
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    GT: So football season has moved onto basketball season. Will this season bring us a hilarious misunderstanding when the Irish guy who’s name I couldn’t be bothered to learn makes a comment about how much he loves a fag once in a while and Lini gets all hot and bothered thinking he might finally have a shot at some locker room romance? Nah, that would be interesting.

  153. Zerowolf
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    9CL: “Who the hell writes this pretentious twaddle?” – Albert Camus

  154. This Guy
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    FW: Wait, the comic book store is upstairs from the pizza place? Do any customers ever survive the haze of preservatives, rat feces, and sadness long enough to make it up there?

    Luann: “I’m putting on my shoes…” This is the worst cybersex ever.

    QC: DAT MARIGOLD.

    // The human Marigold, not the unicorn.

    Sinfest: I’m not sure I’ve ever seen two identical English translations of “O Tannenbaum.” Kind of odd when you consider that the English version of “Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht” is standardized. Ditto “Cantique de Noel.”

    Ziggy: Now available at Sam’s Club: big ol’ bags of animal semen.

  155. Beetle Bumstead
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    A3G:
    M: Tell me what?
    LA: I’m pregnant and the baby is yours!

  156. Inkwell
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    Today I was going to start actually putting my URL in the “Website” box, but apparently I blogged about last night’s Slylock after midnight last night. Oops.

    I just remembered why I hate blogging.

  157. Mibbitmaker
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Glibporn: Dr. Bellows… you’ve really got your hands full with this bunch! You actually begin to miss Major Nelson…..

    9CL: He calls it “The Burber”, but most call it “Ew, McEldowney, we don’t want any of your personal seedy turn-ons here!”

    Curtis: ….or the looks on the faces of the authorities…

    FW: Remember when this guy was…. fun?

    MW: Mary even nauseates Up With People!

    MT: “Basically, I’m way too squeamish.”

  158. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    3G – Panel two: Margo guesses both of her rommates’ names correctly.

    love is…¡La Llorana! ¡Dios mio! ¡SUS OJOS!

    Mary – Look out your window, Mary! The Blue Bird of Happiness is puking his guts out!

  159. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    Popeye – I just went and looked at that petition for Texas to secede. Turns out it’s because of this comic.

    R=R – This is the stupidest rendition of “Francesca de Rimini” I’ve ever seen.

    @Ned Ryerson (#y279): …Mary, er, Wendy?
    I think you mean “Windy.” “Ask Windy.”

    @Alice (#27): Well, potato potato. I found it vaguely amusing, or to put it another way, it was a towering plateau of humor in the level desert that is Luann.

  160. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Quote of the Day! — “Mad scientists: those jittery geniuses who, for decades, have dazzled us with death rays, and thrilled us with the ever-present threat of total — and totally wacky — annihilation. Yes, mad scientists. Some are angry. Some are insane. Many are both. But almost all of them have come out of their castles and their subterranean bunkers to converge here — at the annual Mad Science Fair — to show off the twisted fruits of another year’s misguided labor to a world that shuns and fears them!”

    Because I finally went and tracked down “The Tick vs Science” just so I could write this quote down, and I’d like there to be somewhere on the web where it will turn up when I search for it next time.

    Oh, and the quote is by Marcel Proust, of course.

  161. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @Beetle Bumstead (#155): I can only hope that baby doesn’t get Lu Ann’s brains and Margo’s rage. The world doesn’t need another Marvin.

  162. Inkwell
    December 13th, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    I know I already mentioned it, but I’m disturbed: what is with Love Is today? I assumed it was a mistake and would be fixed, but no, her eyes are just like that!

    At first I assumed her eyes were closed and she had eye shadow, which was for some reason filled in black. But yesterday’s comic shows her with her eyes closed, and they’re drawn differently.

    What the heck?

  163. Sequitur
    December 13th, 2012 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#162): I figure she must be one of these.

  164. Alison
    December 13th, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: What the hell kind of question is Mary answering for “Dear Wendy”? Who could possibly ask *anything* that would merit this nonsensical, long-winded, random “friendship, death, blessing, negativity, burden” response? Did someone write in, “Dear Wendy, I am really bored today and I feel like reading some vaguely philosophical rant that makes no sense, just for a laugh”? Or this simply how Mary answers all Dear Wendy’s questions?

    “Luann”: Today’s strip would have been 100x more entertaining if it turned out Quill is a very poor sportsman who hates to lose. “You dumb Yank! You rolled a gutterball for me? Are you half-blind or what? And tell your dumb friends to stop laughing! This is a serious game! Jeez, what’s the matter with you people?!”

  165. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    MW-”God enough of these platitudes. If I have to hear one more platitude I’ll fly right into that window.”

    A3G-”I knew it was you all along, Tommie. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.”

  166. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#164):

    It was some doctor writing about how to get his girlfriend to marry him even though she doesn’t feel like she is ready for marriage even though she is in her sixties.

  167. hogenmogen
    December 13th, 2012 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    “Oh, didn’t I tell you, Margo? I’m fucking our next door neighbor.”

  168. hogenmogen
    December 13th, 2012 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Eventually, even the tech-friendly-teens get tired of doing this robo-date-thing with Quill. “Forget this crap.” “Yeah, these real balls are freakin’ heavy. Those video games make it look easy.” “Let’s go text something.”

  169. Government Cheese
    December 13th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I think this Gunter plotline is going the way of Bucky Larson.

  170. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Zits: Damn it! Somebody already has registered “www.uselessblather.com”. The other two are open, however.

  171. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): Sorry. But it seemed really, really important.

  172. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#159): Popeye: I just went and looked at that petition for Texas to secede. Turns out it’s because of this comic.

    And was Doones right about the spelling etc? The gene pool bit is obvious.

  173. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#160): Had me there. I was SURE that was Camus.

  174. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I celebrate Kwanza now.”

    A3G 2-”I can’t do anymore jail time after that last kid we kidnapped last year to be the baby Jesus.”

  175. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#128):How much do I love it that this is a site where “Meanwhile, Marvin has gotten all hopped up on Arminianism” is typical discourse? Lots, that is how much.

    You just don’t see that sort of wit over at 4chan.

  176. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Oh didn’t I tell you my grandmother dropped some acid and held up a bus full of nuns. I’ve got to go to South Dakota to help out.”

  177. Inkwell
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#163): No. She’s what they see in their nightmares.

  178. Jamus The Bartender
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Life does not stop and start around you, you miserable piece of…..OVER THE LINE!!!

  179. pugfuggly
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, With Still Ninety Minutes to Lunch Break (#107):

    [...]but these days comic characters, like us real life sorts, have taken to eating too much, so the quaintly obsolete single panel has been replaced by a few weeks of gluttony, while the concurrent self-important self-worth movement has also ensured that the smug will expand to fill the space available.

    “There, another Mary Worth storyline complete!”
    “But this will only cover 10 days, we need it to go to 18!”
    “It’s ok, the smug will expand into the remaining 8 strips. Let’s get lunch!”

    @Baka Gaijin (#109):

    somewhere in springfield
    “Is there anything you can give me for it?”
    “I can give you this dildo. It is shaped like Mary Worth.”

  180. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Overthinking the Fish Thing (#140): @Mr. O’Malley (#146):

    One thing reading Pogo does is reassure me that I am justified in mocking many of today’s strips. Pogo was political, without beating you over the head the way even the best of today’s strips do – such as today’s Doonesbury with its blunt insult of the entire state of Texas. The artwork was incredible – dense, detailed – there was always more than just the main action to look at. The dialogue was also dense. No “gag a day” with three panels to set up a bad malaprop, there was humor in almost every line of dialog or background detail. There was continuity, without the endless bee grinding of today’s soap strips.

    Deck us all with Boston Charlie.
    Walla Walla, Wash. and Kalamazoo
    Nora’s freezin on the trolley
    Swaller, dollar, cauliflower, alley-garoo
    Don’t we know archaic barrel?
    Lullaby, Lula Boy, Louisville Lou
    Trolley Molley don’t love Harold
    Boola, Boola, Pensacoola, Hullabaloo

  181. pugfuggly
    December 13th, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#178):

    AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO!

    Seriously, though, with all the millions of on-line games they could have actually played with Quill, why would they just drag a phone to a bowling alley and play pretendsies? Christ, get a Wii already…

  182. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#172): There’s an “it’s” that should have been “its,” but the rest is mostly a matter of taste. Duke’s kid’s statement that 120,000 Texans had signed seemed a bit off to me, judging from how many names I saw in the little bit I looked at that were either from other states or mentioned no abode at all.

  183. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#177):

    No. No. No.

    She’s what they see in their nightmares that are of them having nightmares.

    Or, the bride requested all bridesmaids look just that must worse than she looks.
    So commandeth Queen Bee Arthur!

  184. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#173): There’s a neat little mnemonic for remembering which is which, but there is not room enough in this margin, and anyway I forgot it.

  185. Snarkotix Addict, Sending Out a Message of Love
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Wildely Enthusiastic (#137): And I thought I was so sneaky.

  186. Droopy Says
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#181): But it’s a long-distance call to Australia! Think of what that game would cost! And what’s the fun of playing Pong on such a little screen? Kids these days . . .

  187. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Marvin-And God gives you the will to spill the blood of your parents for putting you to bed.

  188. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “You’re a thief and a kidnapper, Otto, but I couldn’t watch you being eaten by sharks.”

    Sra. Pantalones: “Mark, Otto’s also a rapist and a child abuser. Put him back in the boat and give me that paddle.”

  189. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

  190. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#160):

    Oh, and the quote is by Marcel Proust, of course.

    Elder or younger?

  191. Anonymous
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    I assume Marvin already has a tramp stamp in gothic script: SHITZ FO LIFE

  192. Liam
    December 13th, 2012 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Wizard of Id-I need an old priest and a young priest.

    Wizard of Id 2-Thanks, padre. This guy was going to teach MY grandmother to suck eggs.

  193. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#184): It’s tough when you forget your favorite mnemonic. Tragic, really, reminding one of Aldiborontiphoscophornio’s speech in similar tragedical circs:

    O horrid! horrible, and horridest horror!
    Our king! our general! our cook! our doctor!
    All dead! stone dead! irrevocably dead!
    O—–h!—–

    // (sniff) Sorry. That scene always brings a tear to my eyes.

  194. Sgt. Stoned
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    DTM: The Kiss of Death! Though he would be more menacing if his name were Dion Mitchelloni.

    Marvin: Yes, God created humankind with free will. But the will was impaired by Original Sin.

    MW: Get rid of negativity in a responsible way? Aw, Mary…in plain English, does that mean no booze, dope and whores?

  195. Poteet
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    To any other Mudges who read the story of Josh’s failed attempt to become a historical romance novelist — would you rather read a comic about the adventures of Wamba, Erwig, and Wittiza in 8th-century Spain, or continue to read about the adventures of Gunther in LUANN? Yeah, me too.

  196. Poteet
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I’ve started to keep an impressively useless record of how many 9CL strips contain sexual inuendos and how many don’t. I will report on the results once a month. First report — the score since the beginning of December is six with, six without, and one maybe. Yeah, I’m excited too.

  197. Baka Gaijin
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#139): Hot babes in the Judge Parker universe have localized anti-gravity fields located in their chestal regions. No need for support garments.

    @Sequitur (#144): Have you ever heard the expression, “If I told you I’d have to make you like a clown inside a Dumpster?” Just sayin’. I’ll let you imagine where the tiaras are hidden but give you a hint: sometimes turkey legs are half-lodged there.

    @Cetacean Love Buzz (#145): That would be soooo cool.

  198. Dr. Weird
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury

    Another sour note. The White House petitions site is about as useful as a Youtube comments page for serious determination of what society thinks on an issue. A quick look on the signatures page shows that most of the people signing aren’t from Texas either.

  199. Baka Gaijin
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#154) on Funky Winkerbean: COTW-worthy!

    @Mibbitmaker (#157) on Mark Trail: Rex Morgan says the same thing.

    @Alison (#164) on Mary Worth: Mary has so many answers she doesn’t need things like reader questions or topics of the day. She’s Mary Worth, damnit!

    @pugfuggly (#179): A dildo shaped like Mary Worth is an immediate wang shriveler. It’s such a wang shriveler it’ll shrivel wangs on people who don’t even physically have wangs.

  200. Sequitur
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#197): The WAZOO! The hidden place to stash a secret tiara is up a wazoo!

    //Dumpster clowns. Not a good name for a band.

  201. Baka Gaijin
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#195): That’s like a Hobson’s choice, right?

    @Dr. Weird (#198): Occam’s Razor would indicate that a lot of Americans are sick of Texas’ shit and want it out of the Union. Interesting.

    @Sequitur (#200): “Up the prehensile wazoo” is the correct answer Alex.

  202. Dr. Weird
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#201):

    Ah, but when using Occam’s Razor, the simplest explanation for online behavior of any kind is “For the lulz.”

  203. Vince M
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#130): Wow, I’m just trying to imagine what that sounds like…

  204. Sequitur
    December 13th, 2012 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#201): Prehensile Wazoo might be a good name for a band.

  205. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#182): My guess is that there are people who signed petitions from all 50 states, just to stir up shit. How do you even tell where a signer of an online petition lives?

    //When you factor in everyone who signs with a joke name, or who immediately adds a comment saying that the petition is stupid, you get to why so many of these things aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on.

  206. tallyHO
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#199):

    You forgot to mention that it would shrivel up Florida.

  207. Uncle Lumpy
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#195):

    … would you rather read a comic about the adventures of Wamba, Erwig, and Wittiza in 8th-century Spain …

    Man, I had an Erwig of Tie a Yellow Ribbon all week. Drove me Wamba.

  208. Sequitur
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#199):

    …it’ll shrivel wangs on people who don’t even physically have wangs.

    I assume spiritual wangs are safe from shrivelry.

  209. Sequitur
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#207): Wittiza talkin ’bout Willis?

  210. Uncle Lumpy
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#208):

    The Age of Shrivelry is dead.

  211. Sequitur
    December 13th, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#210): I thought it was very much alive, as a video game.

  212. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#208):

    And yet shrivelry is not dead.

  213. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#210):

    Damn my selective reading!

  214. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    You foiled my attempt at humor this time, Lumpy!
    But next time, I shall prevail! I shall climb the highest hilltop
    and unleash the (hilarious) spirits of the Comedia-hooha-icon and then ye
    shall revel in my last-minute, pun-making ways!

    Next time.

  215. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    Four in Row?
    Here I go.

    Mary Worth
    Bellicose Mary.
    Apt 3g
    Yellow Rose of Lameness.
    La la la La La
    Tommie finds it funny
    Ha ha ha Ha Ha
    Margo is being called out
    Yet we don’t know her reaction
    Blah Blah Blah blah blah

    Mistopher Trendy
    Twas the Night ‘Fore Christmas and all thru the shack
    Not a critter was stirrin, not e’en a mouse done left its crack.
    I in mah nightcap and in ma’s bodacious buzzems
    Had just settled in for a long Winter’s snoozems.
    When up on the tinroof came such a clatter,
    Ah done rolled of them buzzems ta see whut’s duh matter.
    ….
    But, den I decided ta stay put for a spell.
    Since I cain’t read, ah sed, Wut the hell!
    I’s quite comfy atop of Mount Weezy.
    Don’t reckon wut’s on duh ruf gonna
    Consider me sleezy.
    Easy peezy, ah sez ta muhself
    It don’t matter if it tis a cat burgler up dar.
    If’n it tain’t then I’ll haf ta shoot an elf!

  216. Sequitur
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#212): Ah, but you are saved by an adverb! The Lumpster stated that it is dead and you declared it is not dead. Therefore it was point/counterpoint, a valid argument set and ready for debate.

    Keep the controversy going.

  217. Droopy Says
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: You were right, Parker? About what? This is the first time you’ve mentioned the idea of the chimps stealing the tiara. For all we know your brilliant deduction was that Kraven had outsourced the job to Wile E. Coyote, who lives somewhere in the general area of Vegas, right? And for all you know he’s talking to the frickin’ chimps because he went bananas in prison.

    Flunky: D’awwww, Pedo Guy gave Crazy a job! And it should work out real well, since Crazy thinks that a job which requires literacy and experience can be done by two blank-eyed slackers.

    Mock Trail: Yes, Otto, as you lie there weak and helpless, your greedy henchmen will be sure to keep your word of honor and let los gringos locos keep their money. Anyway it’s likely to be in dollars and what good is foreign currency in your country, right?

    Phantom: No, Stripey-Butt, the big kitty is not wobbly from the drugs, or even the blood loss from three punctures. The poor thing is famished–but that won’t last long.

    Family Circus: That tree would look a lot happier if it hadn’t been flattened by a steam roller.

  218. Baka Gaijin
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#204): ‘Tis true.

    @tallyHO (#206): ‘Tis true. America’s wang would shrivel right up to North Carolina.

    @Sequitur (#208): Hmmm.

    @Droopy Says (#217): AAAAHHH! You should have put a Spoiler Alert tag on your comment. Now I will have no surprise when I read Spiderman in a couple hours. Waaaaah!

  219. seismic-2
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#218): Spider-Man is simply moronic, but a Spoiler Alert affixed to it would be truly oxymoronic.

  220. Poteet
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    S-M — Oh look, it’s going to turn out just as some of us predicted a few weeks ago. Weren’t we brilliant.

  221. Poteet
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — Does Joan even have a current passport? Never mind, there I go again, the pedantic party pooper.

  222. Poteet
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — This scene seems unlikely, and not just because the Crank is in it.

  223. Poteet
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    FW — Wow, I had no idea that used Vonnegut books could be such an economic engine. Now I’m going to have to rethink everything I thought I knew about used booksales.

  224. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#216):
    What’s this?
    You want me to continue the sh-rivalry with Uncle Lumpy?

    shhhh!

  225. Uncle Lumpy
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#224):

    ‘Shtartin’ to shound like Muttsh in here.

  226. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#225):

    Sheesh! Maybe i should shange the shobriquet to Luscious Jackshun!

    //you’re right though.

  227. This Guy
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:15 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#225): Yesh. And when your comicsh are ashesh, you have my permission to die.

  228. Droopy Says
    December 14th, 2012 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#218): It’s not my fault if Spiderdick is spoiled. He’s been out of the freezer too long.

  229. gleeb
    December 14th, 2012 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    Sally: Ooh, a bittersweet look at why Ted treasures Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol so much.

    Ham Shears: Is she trying to turn Ham into a pig working at a co-op instead of at a butcher shop? She’d better find him a cute hat, then.

    3-G: You mean her Mom or her Dad, Lu Ann. Don’t you remember the gun?

    ‘bean: So, the granny-cheater who struggles to pay the rent on the less-than-prime location above the lousy pizza joint has enough in the budget to hire the crazy man in a make-work charity gig? Completely plausible! Especially as he’s smart enough not to hire Owen the Idiot or his wanker friend Cody. But what’s up with the “classic rock” jazz?

    Mark: He may have saved Otto, but that doesn’t cut any ice with the flying fish that guards the island.

    June Morgan, RN: Used by now to wealthy elderly people just giving her things, June doesn’t know what to make of this.

    Pluggers: …get drunk and fall down a lot.

  230. nescio
    December 14th, 2012 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    WoI: I have to commend Parker on the art. In the third panel, the Wizard really looks like someone who just cut a wicked fart.

  231. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 14th, 2012 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    A&J: *SNURK!* o, well played!!!

    Lio: Taaa-DA!!!! *applaz*

    Luann: Guther is stiff. And he isn’t in a relaxed posture, either.

    SBp: ouch. kicking a baseball would hurt the foot.

    DT: guest-starring Admiral Akbar’s famous line.

    JUMBLE: “embiggened” is only one word, and doesn’t fit. :-(

    6Cx: /facepalm. it’s actually pretty funny, but still. ..

    Retail: draws Loretta much different.

  232. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 14th, 2012 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . Kegel exercises.

  233. cg
    December 17th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Josh, Your prodigious memory for 5-year-old lame comics punchlines/storylines/copied imagery or characters never ceases to amaze me. What if you used your power for good, like remembering my grocery list? My wife would appreciate it.

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