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Sunday money sadness

The Better Half, 12/16/12

Say, let’s check in with our favorite not-Lockhorns one-panel comics couple, Harriet and Stanley! Today’s panels are each amusing in and of themselves, but taken together they form a richer narrative of economic desperation in an age of austerity. Our adorable Parkers start off cracking wise about the yawning financial hole that awaits them when they stop working — ha, ha, let’s steal some sugar packets to save money! ha ha, when I retire I’ll just sit here on the couch until I die of a heart attack, which won’t take long! — but soon come to the grim realization that they’ll be working until the day they drop dead at their hated jobs.

Shoe, 12/16/12

Meanwhile, this foreign bird seems to think that he can just come over here and steal our American Dream. Too bad we took all his money! Yeah, that’s right, you dumb foreign bird! Why don’t you go back to … rooster … land?

Panel from Mary Worth, 12/16/12

Meanwhile, Dawn and Jim are enjoying their friendship! This is the only thing happening. This is the only thing that’s ever happened. This is the only thing that will ever happen, forever.

162 responses to “Sunday money sadness”

  1. lorne
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, Jim and Dawn enjoy their friendship… little realizing that the SS Irony was about to crash into the pier.

  2. lynn
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Rhodian seals may be tough, but their soldiers, not so much. In panel 3, maybe the guy to the right could stop dancing to Thriller long enough to react to Ghost who Lurks in Stairwells?

  3. CanuckDownSouth
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Even Rex is starting to find this ridiculous – being handed free meals and boats for helping a stranger or doing his job is one thing, but being asked to autograph a surfboard? No amount of local news coverage can make a doctor that cool. (I actually laughed at the absurdity, so this strip *is* one up on most of the “comedy” comics.)

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#Y172): Wait – with all the nuns, I thought Edda and Amos were supposed to be Catholic. But the Book of Common Prayer is Episcopal / Anglican, and I don’t know about the E/A rites (having only seen one wedding of that type), but Catholic weddings have very prescribed vows, pretty much no editing allowed. Then I thought they were doing their own Christian but make-it-up-as-you-like ceremony, effectively nondenominational with the ex-priest presiding and using a vow from the BoCP. But then all the “here are the rituals to expect” stuff makes no sense, since they could dispense with that if they liked. With all the pretentiousness of the strip, you’d think the authour would bother to do a tiny bit of research…?

  4. RavenHawk
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    The Amazingly Inept Spiderman: I’m wondering if Kraven is like the old man in Reservior Dogs? “Moe, Larry, Curly, you’ll be working on the tiara heist with me. Stan and Ollie, you’ll be knocking over the Savings & Loan on Main, & Hampton.”

    “What is it Stan? No you can’t be Harpo! Some other chimp is Harpo! You’re Stan!!!

  5. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: Is this how the Plugger/Slylock animal uprising begins? Will tomorrow’s panel show his pets dancing around his head mounted on a pike? Kill the Zig! Cut his throat! Drink his blood! Do him in!

  6. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#3):

    RMMD: I also scoffed at the reminder of Rex’s instant local celebritry. In strip time, it is less than an hour since he performed CPR on the old man. Yes, the news has spread so quickly and so thoroughly that these two stoner surfer dudes on their way to the beach have already seen the youtube video and not only recognize Rex, but are so in awe that they want his autograph.

    This is, of course, another of the quirky Wilson tropes. Characters become instantly famous and instantly adored for the most trivial of reasons. Sam trusts Avery with his life, and vice versa, and both pronounce sweeping judgements of the other’s character, based on having known each other for the duration of a car ride. Enough people jump over to Amazon to make the Judge’s book a best-seller within minutes, based on coming across an unscheduled live streaming video of him falling off a roof. Is it really just lazy plotting, to allow this instant fame and trust in a strip where a day takes six months in real time, and most story lines wrap up within 48 hours of strip time?

  7. Holly Folly
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Yep, because I always let men who are ‘just my friends’ put them are around me and hold me for an comfortably long time while staring out at the ocean.

  8. Little Blue Bicycle
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    MW: What Jim and Dawn really enjoy is the amazing realization that her hair moves.

  9. Hibbleton
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Marm: What better way to decorate a urine befouled Xmas tree than with the bones of Marm’s victims.

  10. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Why does Kraven the Hunter use simian thieves? Just look at the monkey giving head to that banana…

    Jim, Jim, Jim. You should have sat Dawn on the other side. When you’re ready finished cuddling and Dawn isn’t, you can make like a lizard and shed that arm to escape her desperate clinging.

  11. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Because if he goes back to Roosterland, Herr Auslandische Vogel will have rooked you Americans out of $375000. That’s why not.

  12. LurkerMan
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Dawn and Jim have apparently never seen When Harry Met Sally.

  13. LurkerMan
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    P.S. I’ve heard one-armed sex is Teh Hotness.

  14. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @Cetacean Love Buzz (#5): What will they call it? The Lord of the Flies won’t work, since Ziggy doesn’t wear pants…

  15. Chareth Cutestory
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    The Better Half: Let’s assume that a 4-pack of AAA batteries runs $5, and after we’ve done the number crunching turns out he blew $1,250 on batteries. Or consider, a quick Google search found a value size 28-pack for $20, which then breaks down to a bit over $700.

    Let’s forgo calculating how much he is spending on potato chips, and focus more on the fact that potato chips are good for about 2-3 weeks past the “best by” date printed on the bag. Most of those bags are going to be worthless.

    I think I know why the retirement planning is going poorly.

  16. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#15): It won’t matter about the chips because he’s going to eat them all within the first week anyway. And then he’s going to die of dehydration from all the salt in the chips. So it won’t matter about the batteries either.

  17. TheDiva
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Better Half: Can you prove these two aren’t a same-sex couple? “Harriet” has absolutely no distinguishing feminine features, except maybe that small bump about halfway down her torso that I guess could be her breasts but looks more like a rumple in her shirt.

    MW: Dear God, what happened to Dawn’s nose? Did Jim whack her with the new arm a couple times?

  18. Liam
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    MW-”And sometimes very rarely will I publish a letter written by one of the readers.”

    Slylock Fox-”Damnit, Max. I told you not to interrupt me. I’ve got two hotties here I’m trying to score with and one is an actually fox.”

    Slylock Fox-And do you know the name that traveler? It was Brad Majors. And now you know the rest of the story.

  19. Zemto
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#6):
    “Characters become instantly famous and instantly adored for the most trivial of reasons.”

    Welcome to the 21at century.

  20. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    How did Katherine end up in Judge Parker? No sweater zeppelins.

  21. pugfuggly
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    B 1/2 This is the first time I’ve ever noticed the ‘featuring Harriet and Stanley Parker’ in the title panel, which seems a little odd, since they are essentially the only two people inhabiting the tiny universe that is this comic. It almost suggests that this strip is based on two real people, which, seeing as it has been going for 56 years, makes it by far the most depressing comic on the page. Take that Funky!

    Shoe I’m taking that panel of the rooster demonstrating the ‘big smile’ on his face and blowing it up to poster size. I’ve never seen a better depiction of a thin coat of feigned optimism covering a wall of desperation…

    MW ‘The true meaning of friendship is sitting at the pier with a one-armed man in complete silence’
    ~Albert Camus

  22. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Note to self: When inviting large fox with deerstalker cap to fun gathering, invite guest with a retractable rectum to eliminate boring mouse sidekick.

  23. pugfuggly
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @LurkerMan (#12):

    Dawn and Jim have apparently never seen When Harry Met Sally.

    SEAGULL: “SQUAAAAAAAK!!”

    DAWN: “I’ll have what she’s having…!”

  24. Brownsfan
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#17):
    I am most concerned that Harriet will need some dilation of her esophagus if she wants to continue to swallow solid food.

  25. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    SG: guest-starring Eva Rose.

    Frazz: Art-shift.

    GF&PBS: nicely meta.

    SBp: ok, I smiled. More for the well-executed concept than for the humor.

    Bizarro: see SBp comment above.

    RwO: DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!!

    MT: brought to you by Hammy and Paula Deen.

    MG&G: *SNURK!*

    Mutts: d’awwwwwwww.

    SFx: next, the strip Scrabble game gets “game night” off to its proper start.

    6Cx: FU.

  26. Downpuppy Weatherwax
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Spider Doh- I just now realzed the closest version of this moronic plot – Dunston Checks In

    //Shuffles off to bang head & watch Skyfall.

  27. gleeb
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    3-G: The image of Margo eating live songbirds really was too good not to recap, wasn’t it?

    Slylock: Oh, Max. When will you learn? The fox is always going to know. You’ll always lose the challenge. And then Minnie Manquée there will dump you.

    Val: “Gloriously decorated” = “We put up a few flags”. But did you see the tea? Not much now, but, believe you me, it’s gonna be a gold mine!

    Bizarro: I always thought Mao’s jokes were more conceptual, like urging people to try to make steel over tiny wood fires.

    Blondie: I think you give him one snoop too many.

    ‘shaft: Sorry, tiny child, but your wishes are nothing in the face of Santa’s need for a highball and a smoke.

    ‘bean: Suddenly Crazy is a postal service booster again? After the past weeks’ moaning about them? And I’m glad to see Montoni’s lie exposed. He lives in terror of duffers slicing drives into his gin rickey.

    Many Shades of Parker: I’m beginning to see a theme in this comic. People wanting a meal, but the story denying them. First Sam, now ex-Judge Parker.

    Mark: But you fail to touch on one of the more important aspects: on which syllable of “pecan” is the stress laid?

    Phantom: “Sometimes you’ll just be walking down the street and some nut will take a swing at you”*

    June Morgan, RN: Rex is stunned. These young punks may well try to use his signature to forge prescriptions for amphetamines? Can he take that chance?

    Lila: She’s an emotionally-dead boozehound, and it’s funny!

    Ziggy: They plot and plan, but the Zig’s got the whole place bugged.

    *Old City saying

  28. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Brownsfan (#24): I wish Dingo were here with a witty but disgusting comment on Harriet’s inability to deep-throat Stanley.

  29. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

  30. btown
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn: “Er, Jim, can you please stand still and be quiet? You’re ruining my enjoyment of our friendship”

  31. pugfuggly
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

  32. TheDiva
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    9CL: Seems to me that excluding your future spouse from the discussion of your marriage vows is not the best way to start things out. (On the other hand, it’s very progressive of Edda to excuse Amos from saying the “obey” part.)

    C’shaft: This lame pun warranted an entire Sunday strip why, exactly?

    FW: “Say Crazy, weren’t you laid off last–”
    “Shut uuuuuuuup!”

    Luann: Wow, it’s like Sally’s letter to Santa in A Charlie Brown Christmas, only with all the humor and charm sucked out of it.

    Pluggers: But…you would…and what kind of idiot…oh, forget it.

    SM: In today’s installment, Peter fails at absolutely everything. And nobody’s surprised.

  33. gleeb
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    One Big Happy: Oh, Ruthie, don’t you know no one can look on the face of God and survive?

    Dick: Finally, some good advice from retired railroad cop Jim Doherty. And do the final panels mean we’re getting closer to the Moon?

  34. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary Worth, by Samuel Beckett and Joe Giella.

  35. teenchy
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#11): Somehow I picture Herr Auslandische Vogel’s Heimatland being called Rösterreich.

  36. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#27):

    Mark: But you fail to touch on one of the more important aspects: on which syllable of “pecan” is the stress laid?

    “Pie.”

  37. Digger
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    If Mary Worth was written as a novel, the conflict would be completely resolved by page 175, but the book would continue on to page 400.

  38. cheech wizard
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    “Meanwhile, Dawn enjoys the singular attentions of a young man without having to put out, or even kiss. Jim enjoys the delusion that’s going to change eventually if he just gives her enough time.”

  39. debussy fields
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    MW– Now that you’ve gotten two friends to agree on something, Mary, let’s see if you can get those pronouns you’re throwing around to agree with each other. Yikes!

  40. Spotts1701
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    FW: You’d think having these things plotted out a year in advance would cut down on the continuity screw-ups but NOOOO…

  41. Gringo
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Why is the Chicken Lady from Pluggers here masquerading as a foreign dude?

  42. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#41): Roz flies that way. . . .

  43. Poteet
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    MW — Pray for their silence forever, because if they talked, it would sound like this: “It’s so good that we’re friends now!” “Yes, I’m enjoying our friendship.” “So am I!” “Friendship is wonderful.” “Friends again, and how I’m enjoying it.” “Yes, there’s nothing like friendship!” “Friendship is the best.”

  44. Calico
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#42):
    A Plugger in drag. Heh.
    I want to see Mary Worth in drag.

  45. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#43): Isn’t that how you talk with your friends? And then you braid each other’s hair.

  46. mollificent
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Peeking my head out of the ol’ lurk-bunker to say, “RUN DAWN RUN”. I’ve been down the “I know you only want to be friends, but I’ll NEVER GIVE UP ON THE POSSIBILITY THERE COULD BE MORE” road, and it is NOT a good thing.

  47. mr12ozcan
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    mary worth-how bout a cross plot in comics ! jim tells the one arm coach in gil thorp how to get a new arm like him and mary lectures gil on the evil of excess alcohal indulgence

  48. Poteet
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

  49. Poteet
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#3): Re 9CL, thank you. I was mumbling to myself that the strip was stupid, but in Spock-like fashion, you analyzed the stupidity so it made, um, stupid sense.

    Please, Brooke, don’t drag us through this. Just give us solid Solange until the dreaded day arrives.

  50. Notebooked
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Ms. French has been bitten by Mary Worth, and her smile begins to grow more and more cramped. Soon, the transformation will be complete.

  51. Anonymous
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    The dramatic tension in this last Mary Worth story arc was palpable. Or do I mean culpable? Aw, hell, it was craptastic.

  52. Chaze
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    #51 c’est moi

  53. Chaze
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    I know Get Fuzzy has been very much hit or miss lately, but Bucky putting a Garfield Halloween bag on Satch’s head today was pretty funny.

  54. Zerowolf
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: The only way the last two panels make any sense is if this gay porn and “autograph my board” is surfer slang for anal sex.

  55. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#51): There was “dramatic tension?” Was I asleep that day?

  56. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Close to Home: See, 220 lbs is almost exactly 100 kg. So this egregiously unfunny cartoon will be easy to export to the rest of the world, where I hope they can find some sort of use for it.

    BG&SS: We know it’s funny because in the last panel all the characters are laughing. Snuffy Smith, the cartoon with its own laugh-track.

  57. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#Y151): Thanks for the lemonade, Muff.

    …and it might serve me in a time when jests are few.

    // Shot his pants off!

  58. FOOBed no more
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#33): Where are you reading Dick Tracy? Sunday’s comic isn’t on Gocomics for some reason.

  59. seismic-2
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    MW: When Mary prattles on and on like that, for a bit of comedic relief can she at least do it in the Bandar tongue?

  60. RavenHawk
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: Starting tomorrow, Jim insists Dawn wear his dead sister’s clothes. Dawn isn’t sure if this is a good idea, or not. No red flags will be observed.

  61. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#32):

    C’shaft: This lame pun warranted an entire Sunday strip why, exactly?

    I didn’t even get the pun. I totally missed it. And I am not ashamed to admit that.

    @seismic-2 (#59):

    MW: When Mary prattles on and on like that, for a bit of comedic relief can she at least do it in the Bandar tongue?

    “I’m not surprised.”
    Kit Walker, Bandar Idioms and Lupine Tropes, 1999

  62. Dale
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    SLYLOCK

    It’s hard to tell that a spare is flat just by looking at it. Bouncing it on the ground isn’t definite. A tire gauge beats the crap out of putting it on and letting the jack down.

    But,

    1) Traveler used a different car.
    2) Traveler bought a new tire.
    3) Traveler put the spare on and drove with a trashed tire in the trunk.
    4) The flat was a rear on a front wheel drive car. Traveler just started driving: he still had a spare and was a moron.

  63. Doug Puthoff
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Ten more days till CURTIS KWANZAA. Is everybody getting pumped?

  64. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @RavenHawk (#60):

    MW: Starting tomorrow, Jim insists Dawn wear his dead sister’s clothes.

    Why not? Jim is wearing her arm.

  65. Chaze
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#55):

    The craptastic dramatic tension of the OAJ (one armed Jim) arc WAS rather sleep inducing.

    Bazinga!

  66. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    If Dawn Had Friends (and by “Friends,” I mean actual human beings her own age):
    “Hey, how’s it going with Jim?”
    “Uh . . . meh.”
    “What? I thought you were all, like, happy and all that he wanted to be friends.”
    “Yeah, I guess.”
    “So what’s wrong?”
    “Is it the arm? I bet it’s the arm. That fake arm would, like, creep me out.”
    “No, it’s not the fucking arm. I don’t care about the arm.”
    “Is he all, like, pressuring you and stuff again?”
    “Dawn, look at this picture of my dead sister! You, like, look so much like her! Can we have intercourse now?”
    “Ew, no. It’s just . . .”
    “What?”
    “He just, like, wants to go to the pier all the time, and just, like, sit there. That’s all we do—sit at the pier. And then he’s all, like, ‘I’m glad we’re friends!’ and ‘Here’s lookin’ at you, kid!’ And I’m all, like, what the fuck, dude?”
    “I thought you liked the pier.”
    “Yeah, well, I, like, like other stuff, too. He’s just all OCD about that pier.”
    “Maybe you need to ask your old lady friend for advice. Isn’t she, like, Ask Wendy now?”
    “Ugh, no. She’d be all, ‘Friendship is special, Dawn! Be happy he’s your friend! Here, have some of this gross pale pie I made!’”
    “Hey, on Jim’s Facebook page, does he have, like, ‘Interested in . . . Someone who Looks Like My Dead Sister’?”
    “You’re sick.”
    “I heard that Dave and that skank might be breaking up.”
    “Dave? sigh….. Fuck my life.”

  67. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed no more (#58): Comix Kingdom doesn’t seem to have Dick, either.

  68. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#65): OK. I missed the implied “Bazinga!” in the original post.

  69. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS Is it just me, or does anyone else think Doc looks amazingly like Mr. Natural?

  70. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#21): «Le vrai sens de l’amitié est assis sur le quai avec un homme armé dans un silence complet.»

    Of course! From The Stranger (L’Étranger)

  71. TheDiva
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#61): I had to look up “escalator clause” to confirm that yes, that was a thing. Puns should not require research.

  72. Peanut Gallery
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#Y151): Thank you for that! I’ve only watched a little bit of it so far, but it looks fairly brain-melting already.

  73. Peanut Gallery
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#67): Comics Kingdom never did have dick.

    (I’m the first one to reply with that?? It’s a gimme, for cryin’ out loud!)

    Seriously, though, I haven’t been able to obtain any of the Comics Kingdom comics from any of the usual sites today (SFGate, SeattlePI, AZCentral). GoComics had my usual stuff except Dick Tracy, which is also distributed by Comics Kingdom.

  74. Peanut Gallery
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#36): Ooh, I like the way you think!

  75. Chaze
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – We’ve met an antediluvian couple with health issues, a pole dancer with a faulty shower, a hot waitress, a couple of clueless surf bros, and another pole dancer with semi-cured cancer. Rex has become a hero and a YouTube sensation with a million hits. June has eaten crab cakes, looked smashing in her veiled swim tog and been insulted by Miss Poledancer Cancer.

    All of this leads to the question, “Where the hell is Junior?”

  76. Chip Whittle
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#3):

    Wait – with all the nuns, I thought Edda and Amos were supposed to be Catholic.

    I had assumed Amos and Edda lapsed away from Catholicism when they lost their sense of shame for the way they act, and shed their ability to feel guilt for inflicting one another on all their friends, and oversaw the death of God to allow story lines like the modeling thing and Viennese pregnancy scare.

  77. Peanut Gallery
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#76): “Viennese Pregnancy Scare” would make a good newspaper headline. Or maybe, “Two Arrested in Viennese Pregnancy Scare.”

  78. The Divine O'F
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker is destroying my will to live. How can it switch, on a dime, from an awesome story about pot-growing and chainsaws and a cave with Picassos, with awesome characters like Bubba and Avery, to this insipid, boring pseudo-crisis about a stepmother’s insipid dreams of an expensive wedding being dashed? The only other time JP was even remotely interesting was when Neddy got involved with that butler in France. I don’t remember anything else about it, except that it was… INTERESTING. And the butler was an interesting character. Like Avery, or Bubba, only different because as I recall he wore a tuxedo. And that was what, like a hundred years ago? I know a lot of people here like JP because of all the lovingly-drawn bazooms, but wouldn’t you really rather look at a Victoria’s Secret catalog? For the more coherent plot?

    And while I’m busy ranting, WTF is up with surfer dudes who are so pale they would incinerate the first time they actually went to the beach? Why do they refer to Rex as Da Bomb? Has anybody talked that way since 1984?

  79. gleeb
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed no more (#58): I saw it posted on a board somewhere else. Don’t know where whoever posted it got it; maybe scanned from an actual newspaper.

  80. Anonymous
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#3): “With all the pretentiousness of the strip, you’d think the authour would bother to do a tiny bit of research…?”

    Au contraire, mon frere! Anything that seems “wrong” to you in the strip is, in fact, reality, whether it conforms to facts or no. Truth shall not stand in the way of TRUE ART!

    Or, as Adam savage put it “I reject your reality and substitute my own.”

  81. hogenmogen
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Yah, bro, make sure he signs in a felt-tip pen so you only have to remember him as long as your next wave. @The Divine O’F (#78):

    The hipster in my office says “Da bomb dot com” a lot. Maybe I’m just confused as to what a hipster is.

  82. Inkwell
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox won’t load today. I was ready to kill myself, when I discovered something only I would care about:

    The old Nickelodeon Magazine character Patty-Cake makes a cameo in today’s Maria’s Day.

    ’90s FTW!

  83. hogenmogen
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#78): The butler in Paris was into young chicks, and he had an angry ex wife. Something about a foiled mugging attempt in there, too. He rocked. He needs to come back. Actually, pretty much anything about the Parisian subplot was superior to the droning tripe of vapid interpersonal relations within the Parker clan.

  84. Chaze
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#81):

    Clearly no one from the JP/RMMD syndicate has watched either Break Point or Fast Times at Ridgemont High. They are clueless when it come to Surf Bros. But, hey!, they got a clueless streak going, so why stop now?

  85. Chaze
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#84):
    ‘Scuse me….Point Break.

  86. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#73): It’s a gimme, for cryin’ out loud!

    You’re welcome.

  87. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#80) on Adam Savage: Isn’t that a succinct way of saying “the past is how you remember it” from our favorite philosopher, Mary Worth?

  88. Poteet
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#66): YES! Thank you. I was hoping for a “friends” update at this important point in the neverending story.

  89. Chaze
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Boy, what I wouldn’t give to see a Bizarro Mary Worth strip.

  90. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#89): Is that the strip where Mary counsels someone into suicide? Oh wait, she already did that [cough]Aldo[cough].

  91. Droopy Says
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed no more (#58): Sunday’s Dick Tracy is posted in the comments section on the Gocomics site:

    http://www.gocomics.com/dicktracy

  92. Chaze
    December 16th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#90):

    She writes a column called “Fuck Off.”

  93. Sequitur
    December 16th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#92): Is that a sex repellent in an aerosol can?

  94. Chaze
    December 16th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#93):

    Nope. She uses her column to encourage people to do horrible, self-destructive things. Not much different than “Ask Wendy.”

  95. earthgirl
    December 16th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#66): This is perfect in every way.

  96. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 16th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#71):

    I had to look up “escalator clause” to confirm that yes, that was a thing.

    Ah, thank you. Now I am trying to imagine how Batiuk might encounter it in his own work.

    “An escalator clause is a clause… that guarantees a change in the agreement price once a particular factor beyond control of either party affecting the value has been determined.”

    So now I guess it’s the value part that loses me… something Batiuk produces has value?

  97. Austria
    December 16th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    FW: Crazy takes his roleplay very seriously.

    Luann: Any amount of Glee is too much Glee.

  98. Comcis Fan
    December 16th, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: How can Dawn enjoy friendship with a guy who looks so much like her non-brother Kurt, especially when the guy likes her for looking so much like his deceased sister?

  99. Droopy Says
    December 16th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    “Escalator clause” is listed in “Black’s Law Dictionary.” This book is big and heavy and I often find new uses for it. The newest would be to whap Tom Batiuk over the head with it. I am now going to print out a copy of “Crankshaft” and paste it next to the definition of “nuisance per se.” (“An act, occupation or structure which is a nuisance at all times and under all circumstances, regardless of location or surroundings.”)

  100. Uncle Lumpy
    December 16th, 2012 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#78):

    I know a lot of people here like JP because of all the lovingly-drawn bazooms, but wouldn’t you really rather look at a Victoria’s Secret catalog?

    The bazooms in Judge Parker are two orders of magnitude more real than those in the Victoria’s Secret catalog, and three more than those in Victoria’s Secret television commercials. Seriously, those things scare me.

  101. Horace Broon
    December 16th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    FW: “He did use e-mail. I printed it out to take to you, so I could pretend I’m still a mailman!”

    PV: Okay, I’m no archery expert, but how much of a “home field advantage” is there, really? I can see there might be one, but I’d have thought less of one than in most sports (since stuff like being familiar with the grounds doesn’t apply when you’re not actually moving), rather than enough to guarantee a win. Certainly Sir Roger isn’t getting the psychological boost of home-town support; the Lockbramblians are totally depressed at the thought of their tea-growing lord winning again.

    Zits: It’s funny because that’s what words mean! Next week, Jermey (typo, but it fits the strip so I left it) refers to the top of his lap as his “laptop”!

  102. dMac
    December 16th, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#68):

    I always thought that Jeremy in Zits looks a lot like Mr. Natural.

  103. Liam
    December 16th, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#75):

    Junior’s greatest trick is to convince the world that Junior doesn’t exist.

  104. Anonymous
    December 16th, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    mw jim and dawn enjoy their friendship while jim plots when to carry out his plan to make dawn his forever till mary finaly decides it will be time to whack jim.

  105. Uncle Lumpy
    December 16th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#78): @hogenmogen (#83):

    CEDRIC– suave and stalwart, all in spite of being Canadian. And also from early 2007, don’t forget possibly sarcastic Sociology Hooker.

  106. Liam
    December 16th, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Will you autograph these pads that I have? Sure they look like medical prescription pads but they aren’t they’re just autograph books made to look like medical prescription pads.

  107. Liam
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    Shoe-$375,000 in debt? You are far below the curve my friend. The average American is at least a trillion dollars in debt.

  108. Chip Whittle
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Anyone else figuring the next thing Max Mouse’s Girlfriend says is, “Dear, it isn’t always necessary to fill the quiet parts in a conversation”?

    Also, that she says that a lot?

  109. Dan
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    As a native Rhode Islander, I find today’s Shoe offensive. Saying “bubbler” and eating quahogs doesn’t make us a foreign land!

  110. Poteet
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    MW — I just googled images of piers, and confirmed that in spite of my maximum-landlubber status, I was right about a pier basically being an extended walkway over the ocean. So any pier-loving Mudges, please enlighten me — what is addictive about piers? Are they great for birding, conversation, staring at ocean waves, getting away from mosquitoes, what? And some of the ones I saw didn’t have any seats or benches, so I’m also thinking potential backache if I stood around out there for a long time grinning next to a one-armed man, but maybe that’s just me.

  111. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#61): I didn’t get it either.

  112. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#110): The piers I’ve seen are mostly used by people who fish from them, tie boats to them, or walk to the end, stare at the ocean for a minute or so, then walk back.

    Now, a boardwalk, which tends to run parallel to the shoreline, and often has attractions and kitchy shops as well as piers, might make sense. But a pier itself? It’s pretty low key at best.

  113. Mibbitmaker
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    Apologies for more possibly-needed oversnarpologies. Had an early Christmas party.

    Shoe: Instead, he discovered the American REALITY. Hope you don’t mind falling off of a cliff now, Mr. Flightless Bird.

    NotLockhorns: Turns out, Stanley was fine, if not very healthy, with his retirement plans. When he finally did succumb to chest pains, it was out of frustration boiling over from too many food = disease and/or death jokes from David Letterman and Conan O’Brien.

    MW: Only seeing the above, let’s all hope with all our might that this storyline WILL FINALLY BE OVER!!!! (needless to say, Hariet kept Stanley from reading MW in their still-hanging-on newspaper!)

  114. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Valiant – Sir Roger uses subtle psychological cues to make all opponents yield to his archery ability. Giant inverted triangles of red with smaller white triangles inside. “I know not why,” one contestant says, “but I feel compelled… to yield!”

    Marmaduke – “Children want to take us home and chop us off at the trunk and put us in a stand full of stale water until we die and drop needles all over the place. I don’t know why. I hope they don’t pick me. OH NO! That dog is ratting me out! I don’t want to go! NO!!!”

  115. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Nancy – I won’t accept that this is really by the Gilchrists unless I see three rocks. Nope. None there. None at the pet shop. Huh. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah, there we go. The world is still predictable as hell. Joy.

    Spider-Man – Back in summer, did anybody guess that Kraven would recognize Peter by his smell and plot a way to get him fired from both his newspaper job and his mopping job, by getting him to follow a monkey all over town? Because I feel like their ship is about to come in.

  116. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#y171): Thank you! I talked to my oldest sister today, and she sang the official Williams Family Birthday Song to me: “Happy birthday yesterday, Happy birthday yesterday…”

    @Jason1981 (#174): Only Batman can get away with swinging from a rope that attaches to nothing – because he’s Batman and has at least a million plans for that exact situation.
    Actually, it’s because millionaire Bruce Wayne puts in all these strange towers around Gotham City with T-bars at the top. Nobody in town knows what they’re for.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#57): You’re absolutely welcome. There are jokes in there that took me several viewings to notice, because there’s so much going on. I like the understated one where he leans way out to look at the owlhoots, and when he’s passing through Fata Morgana Valley. The title song is a joy, too; I’m glad it’s in there twice.

    @Peanut Gallery (#72): You’re welcome! I’m just glad it’s being enjoyed outside of the Czech Republic (where it’s still a cultural icon). I love the casting, too. Who knew Czechoslovakia was full of perfect Western types?

  117. Poteet
    December 16th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#112): Thank you! Fishing, of course I should have remembered fishing. But I’m not surprised that Dawn and Jim aren’t fishing, because if they did they might catch a fish, and that might actually be a little bit interesting.

  118. seismic-2
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#110), @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#112): Actually, some piers are highly developed with stores, restaurants, and carnival-style booths for various amusements lining one or both sides for part of the pier’s length, with open space for looking at the ocean or fishing off the pier past the end of the commercial stretch. The classic examples on opposite coasts are perhaps the Santa Monica Pier and Atlantic City’s Steel Pier, which were (and to a lesser extent, still are) major tourist attractions. They were sort of the Disneyland of the first half of the 20th Century, with amusement park rides at the entrance and various sideshows on the part extending into the Pacific. However, the Santa Royale pier appears much more pedestrian, since its sole attraction is apparently a Universal Studios-style re-enactment of the movie “The Birds” starring that famous avian troupe, Mark Trail’s LoFO Ginormous Gulls.

  119. Master Mahan
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    I look forward to upcoming Better Half in which Stanley and Harriett plan their inevitable suicide pact.

  120. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: Meanwhile Dawn and Jim remain unable to leave the pier. Her car must have gotten hotwired. Or their happiness is turning into an existential hell, one of those two thngs.i

    FC: It came upon a midnight clear, then rolled over and went to sleep while the kids pestered its wife.

    FW: Since Crazy was downsized from the USPS, I assume that this is some kind of therapeutic game of dress-up and that the letter from Tony is a forgery.

    S-M: “That’s it. I’m not hiring any more mop guys unless they can show me references.”

    Luann: Hey, what gives? Luann just dropped a new song on us, but there’s no YouTube link for me to ignore.

    Phantom: The Bandar Yakov Smirnov impression tends to fall a little flat.

    H&L: “Santa is in the house?” Now we know where old hip-hop slang goes to die.

    RMMD: Rex has had dreams where the Doublemint twins were boys, but he never thought he’d see such a thing in his waking life.

    9CL: There’s one Episcopal church that’s gonna have to hose down the floors.

  121. Master Mahan
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    “Wow, I am so glad I murdered Dawn and stuffed and mounted her lifeless body. Now she can never leave me!”

  122. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#56):

    &SS: We know it’s funny because in the last panel all the characters are laughing. Snuffy Smith, the cartoon with its own laugh-track.

    Marvin has something similar, only it’s replaced the laughter with wet fart sounds.

  123. pugfuggly
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#70):

    «Le vrai sens de l’amitié est assis sur le quai avec un homme armé dans un silence complet.»

    Now it has been a little while since OAC french, but I think that literally translates to: “The real meaning of friendship is sitting on the pier with an armed man, in complete silence”. So if you do meet a man at the pier with a gun, make sure make friends with him without saying a word.

  124. Inkwell
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    OK, so I finally got Slylock Fox to load, and man am I disappointed in the title character. Imagine you’re Miss Tiffany Fox. You have a crummy job as an unappreciated teacher, but at least you’re dating a famous detective. After a long, PMS-y day at school, you drive to your friend Melody’s house for a shoulder to cry on. And there you find Slylock, playing Scrabble with some dumb blonde.

    If you’re a stick-in-the-mud like Slylock, Scrabble with a pretty girl is most definitely cheating.

  125. FOOBed no more
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

  126. Sgt. Stoned
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    Lio: Don’t panic, kid. Your old man is shit-faced. That’s a Xmas tradition in a whole lot of families.

    Archie: High school football season is over, and even when its not high school teams like Melina Mercouri’s character play never on a Sunday.

  127. Mr. O'Malley
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#110): You can buy fish bits and feed the sea lions. That’s about the best place to feed sea lions, because they have very little climbing ability.

  128. Sequitur
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#110): Most piers are built inland for quite a few feet leaving a dry space underneath over land. Young lovers like to use that dry space. I doubt you’ll see Dawn and Jim under there.

  129. Mr. O'Malley
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: A skeleton in a Santa Claus hat would be a very Lio-esque Christmas decoration.

    Nancy: So now we’re adding a Jules Feiffer shoutout to the obits? (Jules Feiffer was a big fan of the original Nancy.)

  130. Calico
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Doug Puthoff (#63):
    I’m hoping for a Trinklet puppeh sighting.
    (As one of my cats is attempting to raid my drawers in real time-aaarggh)

  131. This Guy
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: “Helo ladys!” They seem to be advertising female chopper pilots.

    NS: Zombies, it seems, are not without a sense of irony.

    WoI: Look, Wizard of Id, most of your readers are old people with inflexible cultural standards. You can’t just go around mentioning “Fat waangs” in your Sunday strips.

    Ziggy: “Four legs good! Two legs… uh… well, um two legs and no wings, but not no legs… fuck it, this would be so much easier on a farm.”

  132. Peanut Gallery
    December 16th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    JP, upper right corner – Katherine’s secret identity is Aeon Flux?

  133. Liam
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    FW-Congratulations, Crazy, on getting the job back that you just spent the last two weeks moaning over losing and making you sell everything you own because they didn’t leave you with any sort of compensation.

  134. Mr Frog
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    MW: Moy’s avante-garde decision to not advance the plot at all with this strip was likely based on the fact that any amount of plot development in Mary Worth is equally uninteresting. To which I respond: true enough, but is it art?

  135. bbofun
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    FW- The Funky Winkerbean take on the classic comic strip trope, the “golf joke”: No character actually plays the game, they are simply put in danger of injury from it. Seems about right.

    RMMD- Hey, June really seems to be connecting with Phoenix (I refuse to call her anything else- “Phoenix Riesing” is an awesome stripper name, and Honey and Ginger get to keep their professional handles, so…). Maybe she and Rex should stay on indefinitely in San Diego- y’know, to help Phoenix, Honey, and Ginger out. (Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease)

  136. Hart of Johnny
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    I spent a week in Roosterland once. Everyone there was a cock.

  137. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#126): Re Lio: Lio’s writing to Santa and, like, using sentences and stuff. Meanwhile his dad looks like Carmen Miranda of the North. In terms of weird/normal this is Opposite Day kinda shit. I’m freaked out enough.

  138. seismic-2
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mr Frog (#134):

    true enough, but is it art?

    It’s… art of a kind. If you specialize in that sort of thing, of course.

  139. The Children
    December 16th, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#138):

    Oh thanks, now I’m scarred for life. Won’t somebody please think of me?

  140. Droopy Says
    December 17th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Parker, is the chimp toilet-trained? Because Moe is butt-naked, which means he’s got a good chance of leaving some strange physical evidence in his wake. Speaking of evidence, what do you suppose will happen if a guard sees him or a security camera records him? “Look! A trained chimp swiped the tiara! Hey, didja know that right here in Vegas we have a recently-pardoned criminal mastermind who can train animals? Do you think there’s a connection? Why don’t we check on his apes, because he owns three and only two of them have an alibi for tonight!”

    By the way, where did Moe practice robing the museum? I’m no expert on Vegas architectural styles, but I’d bet a lot that the average Vegas museum doesn’t have a floor layout and alarm system anything like the typical Vegas suburban home.

    Funky Flubby Flaflah: Er, Batiuk, “can use the money” is pretty much the same thing as “need.” So, um, could you either insert a joke here or DUMP THIS STUPID-ASS “STORY”!!!

    Phantom: Not so loud, Ghost-Who-Administers-Unreliable-Drugs. Hungry kitties are light sleepers.

    Mock Travail: “Otto is very strange! The last time he collected a ransom, he hired a loco gringo to sort and grade his comic books! Before that he gave the money to Sally Struthers, and before that it went to Sendero Luminoso! And now I hear he wishes to hire a surgeon to perform a leg transplant! He says he will offer the door a deal he can’t walk away from!”

    Pluggers: So despite their fixed, baffling looks of smug resignation, Pluggers don’t have good poker faces.

  141. Baka Gaijin
    December 17th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @Mr Frog (#134): Yes it’s art. It’d be classified as BBA: bad boring art.

  142. Poteet
    December 17th, 2012 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#118): @Mr. O’Malley (#127): @Sequitur (#128): Thank you for the pier education! I know a lot more about piers than I did before, and it looks as if the MW camera has finally moved on to another location, so altogether, yay.

  143. Poteet
    December 17th, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    MW — So now, Mary, please explain how and why it looks as if other people are glad John Dill came. Everyone is ignoring him except you, and it looks as if that big pink cake is for someone else entirely, so as kindly fibs go, yours is so flimsy than even a kindergartner could see through it.

  144. Poteet
    December 17th, 2012 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#143): That, not than. Yeesh.

  145. Droopy Says
    December 17th, 2012 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#140): *sigh* “. . . offer the donor a deal . . .”

  146. Poteet
    December 17th, 2012 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    MT — The cheerful calm with which everyone is accepting this kidnapping seems to give further credence to the Mark-is-in-a-coma theory. Also how the sharks left Mark entirely alone, Pop’s snazzy khaki outfit, Pop’s cute purse, and Pop apparently feeding the tame pelican from the islanders’ scarce food supplies.

  147. Poteet
    December 17th, 2012 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — Geeeez, Joan, you are totally missing the main point. Your mother and sister are actually willing to babysit Hellspawn Max. At this point you should be groveling on the floor and weeping with gratitude.

  148. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 17th, 2012 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#123): Translation is tricky, no? The difference between “one-armed man” and “one armed man” can be profound.

    // Glad I don’t have to speak French on a daily basis.

    //// Did you hear ’bout the man eating fish?

  149. Droopy Says
    December 17th, 2012 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#146): I’m impressed by the way Trail keeps discussing Otto’s plans for the money. You’d think he’s Olivia DeHavilland talking about Errol Flynn with Una O’Connor, which for all I know is Trail’s fantasy vision of his predicament. (Um, Trail? As far as Robin Hood is concerned, you’re really just another rich Norman baron, exploiting the downtrodden Saxon peasants . . . which, historically, would have been the role that an actual Earl of Locksley considered his right.)

  150. Charly
    December 17th, 2012 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#44): Correction: you want to see Wilbur as Mother Buffoon from The Nutcracker

  151. Charly
    December 17th, 2012 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    Luann: DeGroot apparently fails “the dad test.” There may be something to the Shannon-as-lovechild conspiracy theories. The lovechild of Ann Eiffel and Dirk, of course.

  152. Anonymous
    December 17th, 2012 at 3:22 am [Reply]

    Luann: Christ, how many tests has Brad failed?
    1) Fireman’s fitness test. Defeated by a girl.
    2) Ability to defend himself: Punched out by Dirk
    3) Autonomy of body test: Continually cock-blocked by his mother.
    4) Knowledge of US Labor Market (A): when laid off, did not apply for unemployment
    5) Knowledge of US Labor Market (B): when laid off from fireman’s position, did not apply for paramedic’s position, his previous job; then worked for Weenie World
    6) Basic maturity test (A): Squealed at the idea of “using the headset” at Weenie World
    7) Basic maturity test (B): Kept slacking off work, yapping with his friends at the workplace, right IN FRONT of his boss
    8) Basic selfishness test: Was willing to let his girlfriend quit her job as a fireman and destroy her career for him — for no good reason (She was being stupid, too.)
    9) Incredibly basic stupidity test: Calls for Shannon, cannot find her, starts RIPPING APART THE WALLS OF THE HOUSE rather than look carefully for her
    10) Even more Incredibly basic stupidity test: Doesn’t realize that Shannon is not Toni’s niece, but her daughter — cf. the “failing the Dad test” remark Toni just made. That’s a “tell” that she’s working up to inform B-wad of the actual maternity (if not the paternity) of the little troll.

    And I could go on.

    Brad is a super-ultra-mega failure on SO many levels. It’s a wonder potato-face remembers to breath in an out.

  153. Droopy Says
    December 17th, 2012 at 4:08 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#152): I envy the way you forgot B-wad’s uberfailure: Rooms with and submits to TJ.

  154. hogenmogen
    December 17th, 2012 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    Shoe: She’s gone from not knowing I’m alive…. to wishing that I wasn’t. Since I developed severe heart dysfunction from decades of over-indulging in food, drink and sloth, I figure a fast, fourteen mile jog will grant her wish! Merry Christmm… aaagghh… !

  155. hogenmogen
    December 17th, 2012 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Wrex Moron:
    “Yer awesome! Sign my surfboard, dude!”
    “What, I don’t get to keep it?”

  156. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 17th, 2012 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    today’s Sinfest is me, after watching the Lions debacle yesterday.

  157. Anonymous
    December 17th, 2012 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#105): Ha ha, this is funny because I am reading this in the classroom while proctoring a final exam in Sociology! (This is lynn, don’t want to put my info on the school computer).

  158. hogenmogen
    December 17th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Toni: Yeah, I’m stuck with the annoying brat again, and she’s on a sugar high. She’s insisting that I fight the traffic and take her to the mall to wait on line for two hours while she goes stir crazy in public. Wanna come? You are seriously failing the dad test, mister. Every true father would gladly dive right into that pit of snakes with very little upside.

  159. The Divine O'F
    December 17th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#105): Thanks for the memories, Uncle Lumpy (and Hogenmogen). Damn, those were good times. Maybe we could have an all-new Judge Parker featuring Cedric, Avery, Bubba, and for bazooms the French sociology hooker. What an awesome strip that would be (pun intended).

  160. greghousesgf
    December 17th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#118): Now i want to see Mary Worth cross over with Boardwalk Empire!

  161. Dennis Jimenez
    December 17th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Wow – Rex is being pranked by late ’80s era Nelson – After the Rain!!!

  162. NickAtNite
    December 18th, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    MARY WORTH:

    It appears that Dawn thinks she’s much better at giving a hand job than she actually is.

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