The Comics Curmudgeon

83 responses to “Metapost: A pic, some links, and the comments of the week”

1. Joe Btfsplk
   June 9th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

   (reposted)

   Phantom – – Even with maximum allowance for perspective, Mystery Man’s hand, at the very least, with the bright red wrench-handle sticking out of it, has been in The Unknowing Commander’s direct line of sight for two episodes now. Taking off that opaque blindfold that he always wears might help. Or maybe Phantom has the eyes of a jungle frog, and can only see you if you move.

   Fred Basset – Judging by his size, Yorky is a hamster.

   Marmaduke – And the thing that they agrZZZZZZPOPFFTT!!! Ooww!! My innuendo circuit overloaded again! I hate when that happens! Today’s Mark Trail holds no meaning for me now!

   Family Circus – She’s not trying to call God, you melonheaded freak. She’s calling 9-1-1, because you won’t let her get past you on the sidewalk until she lets you baptize her. Oh yes, I know your kind.

2. Joe Btfsplk
   June 9th, 2008 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

   Sorry. I saw my chance to be first, and I took it…

   Thank You, COTWer and all runners-up, for actually making me laugh. Reading the comics themselves only rarely yields more than a faintly-amused chuckle out of me these days.

   I think, though, that the real challenge would be to make it all sound less interesting than it really is. Would that even be possible? I wouldn’t even know how to begin with that.

3. Gabacho
   June 9th, 2008 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

   COTW – These may be the best comments of the week ever. I could never have picked just one. Congrats to all.

4. bats :[
   June 9th, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

   I think the red hair and the Mark Trail t-shirt combination better be a damned good warning to the folks in the birthing center: Jennifer will not be denied when the Big Day comes (pain meds, little fruit cups, the TV remote, etc.). Best o’ luck, Jennifer!

5. Deena in OR
   June 9th, 2008 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

   update of a sort…the loan workout guy had to cancel our appointment tonight-family emergency. We meet Thursday evening. Ah, well-gives me a chance to get my paperwork in order. Will keep you posted.

6. Mike Podgorski
   June 9th, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

   Thank you, Mister Fruhlinger. You have made me quite happy.

7. Muffaroo
   June 9th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

   Heh. Heh heh!

   Another great week.

8. Vakar
   June 10th, 2008 at 12:04 am [Reply]

   Ahhhh… Many hearty laughs, just when they’re needed: Monday night! Thank you, king trey, and your royal court!

   Fist-wielding redhead at maximum pregnancy? “Please, lady, here’s my wallet… Take whatever you want DON’T HURT ME!!”

9. Poteet
   June 10th, 2008 at 12:26 am [Reply]

   Deep bows to trey le parc and the other float-riding bringers-of-the-funny! Excellent work all!

10. Rainbird
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Congrats to the float riders.

    People are getting more and more cleaver. Wish some of us were writing the strips. Well, some of us are, if you count Ces and the guy doing My Cage.

    Perhaps if we got the woman writing Mary Worth to read this blog, just think what we could achieve.

11. Anonymous
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Honestly, there was a time when my snark got to do the elbow-elbow-wrist-wrist-wrist thing next to the others, but I’m afraid that time has past. Funnier snark every week. Congrats to you all.

    In other news, Judge Parker is continuing the annoying habit of making even the most mundane sentences into very loud exclamations! Who writes/draws Rex Parker Morgan MD and why do they get to do TWO strips?

12. Girl Reporter
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Deena: a couple things to keep in your hip-pocket so you’re dealing from a position of knowledge and power:

    The Bank doesn’t WANT to own your house. It’s a giant pain in the a** for them to mow the lawn and keep the copper-thieves at bay.

    Be proactive and cooperative in finding a solution that works for both you and The Bank, because the person who works for The Bank WILL want to forclose if they think you’re a d**k and don’t like dealing with you.

    Whatever happens will affect your credit for about 7 years. Some things will be less worse on your future than others. Turning the deed over to The Bank (if they’ll take it) is less worse than forclosure. A short sale (if they’ll take it) is less worse than deed-in-lieu. Talk to a lawyer and a Realtor ™ in OR who know the territory.

    Best wishes and good thoughts. I get the sense from reading your posts that you are a good and true-hearted person. I’m rooting for you, and I know I’m not alone.

13. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    Yay! I made it! And congrats to Trey and the rest.

14. Vakar
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    10: But wait, would we want too many more of the comics to be ironic and referential? Would we really be able to snark under those conditions?

15. Uncle Lumpy
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    #13 Bunnë –

    Go ahead and give yourself another diacritical mark — you’ve earned it! Maybe Buñnë? Whatever you want!

16. Poteet
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    6/10

    FC — Gag!
    RMMD — Retch!
    Foob — HURL!

17. J. Neas
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Wow – regarding the new Herb and Jamal blog – having never seen the strip in color (ala the Sunday strip), I always assumed Herb was some sort of squat person of Italian decent. His look is somewhat Mario (Bros.) esque. I had no clue they were both supposed to be black.

    I feel weird that I didn’t know this – am I that clueless?

18. bats :[
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    Toosday Toon observations:

    FC: so what, Jeffy? With four rugrats in the family, it’s that sucker or nothing — your choice.

    FW: oooooh, ominous foreshadowing. Whack-a-mole –> unusual growth –> biopsy –> cancer! Winkerbean
    for the win! (Unless the plane goes down in flames first…)

    MT: yow! That’s telling him, Cherry! Now go and stir that pot of bean.

    MW: dang, I just finished watching the pilot for “Swingtown,” and now I can only guess what Jeff will find when he goes over to Mary’s condo.

    FOOB: well, I guess when Asshathony pleaded with Liz to “Wait for me,” he’s going to be nicely aged and completely impotent…just the way Liz likes ‘em, apparently.

    RMMD: the title? Just wishful thinking…
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2567109242/

19. Mibbitmaker
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Jennefer’s Fist o’ Justice: When she says she wants pain meds, you give her pain meds! …or else you‘ll need the pain meds, got me, Doc?

20. KT
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    My Cage:
    In a previous comment, the Spectacular Spider-Brick was wondering about Lenny. He was a lanky green bird of some sort, and as far as I can tell he’s only appeared three times in the strip: August 8 2007, January 11 and January 29 2008.

    Pretty safe choice of character to kill off, there! :} (Not that I’m complaining. Wouldn’t wanna see Jeff, Rex or any of the other regular characters kick off.)

21. Lizardmess
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    I love Jamaal’s blog! It’s great to read about all the topics that people are discussing.

    What if Margo had a blog? It would destroy the medium.

22. Mike Podgorski
    June 10th, 2008 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    Margo would use her blog to go after every single other blog on the Internet and destroy them, and when she alone had a blog, then she might begin to be happy.

23. Mibbitmaker
    June 10th, 2008 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    9/10:

    FOOB: Liz just saw the ugliness of her attitude in her mom, Ellie, and she decided to be a much better person from now on!
    ………NAAAH!!

    S-M: Well, Bird-Suit-Brain, Spidey’s got the flu, so he should be easy to beat. Uh… I mean, Easier!

    Marvin: I hate to tell you guys, but you’ve just joined a polygamist cult. And you two are now “legally” married.

    FW: Correction, Funkytown: Your strip has turned into a game of whack-a-mole… 15 years ago (our time). And we’re the players!

    A3G: Lemme get this straight… Jones… the drug pusher beatnik… thinks Haley’s friends are lowlifes and losers! Who’s she running around with, anyway? Al-Qaida??

    Adam at-sign Home: …Soft squishy diapers. (EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!)

24. Sarah
    June 10th, 2008 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    JP: Sam and Abby’s eyes are closed, and the bottle is still corked… I don’t really know what to say about this, but it’s kind of funny.

    MW: That break-up was short-lived… unless Mary’s inviting Jeff over for a threesome w/that other guy.

    FOOB: I don’t want to rush things, but I now I remember that I don’t actually think for myself. My mother has imparted through contact w/her telepathic boobs that I will have a summer wedding.

    A3G: Mibbitmaker: My sentiments exactly. And Alan is siding w/him. Alan, the drug fiend who stole petty cash from Margo’s desk so he could score some more dope, probably agrees w/Jones that Haley and her friends are lowlifes.

    GAWD, I find the comics annoying, some days. And then I go and read Mutts or Peanuts or Over the Hedge… ahhh… breathe-in… breathe-out… and all is right with the world :).

25. Mibbitmaker
    June 10th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    More 9/10:

    DT: “Tracy… you are under arrest for aiding and abetting a bank robbery…”

    MF: You have no muse. A muse suggests some creativity coming out of it, Ducky.

    MW: Isn’t this how that whole OJ thing got started…?

26. Ed Power, Cage Writer
    June 10th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    KT

    My Cage:
    In a previous comment, the Spectacular Spider-Brick was wondering about Lenny. He was a lanky green bird of some sort, and as far as I can tell he’s only appeared three times in the strip: August 8 2007, January 11 and January 29 2008.

    Wow! That is impressive! I mean, i have no idea if you’re right, but impressive nonetheless.

    I guess you have a Daily Ink account?

    “Pretty safe choice of character to kill off, there! :} (Not that I’m complaining. Wouldn’t wanna see Jeff, Rex or any of the other regular characters kick off.)

    Safety wasn’t so much a factor as I wanted to show the characters going to a ‘business wake’ (i.e. someone you weren’t really friends with but sorta/kinda know through work).

    My hope is to show the characters go through things you would go through with a regular group of friends (like weddings, deaths, break-ups, new boy/girlfriends, etc.) and not be maudlin about any of it.

    Originally, I was just going to kill off a non-character (like just say “Hang, remember Ted from accounting….he died.”) but Lenny never really worked the way I wanted, so he got the ax.

27. Nurse with a penis
    June 10th, 2008 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    MW – whoa Lordy I didn’t see this comin!  Jeff (“two days later”) looks twenty years younger.  His breakfast table is drawn in excruciating detail:  Box of cereal (called “BAAM”) A carton of milk, (ergo the bowl of cereal), a cup of coffee, what should be a glass of orange juice, but the coloring monkeys used up all their orange ink coloring previous story lines – so now it is a glass of MILK……AND……a mystery container that just looks like rat poison to me.  

    At first I thought Jeff was reading the personal ads from The Santa Royale Singles Paper, but his place is WAY better decorated than Mary’s (an actual reasonable color on the walls for instance), looks like Jeff is wearing a smoking jacket as well which means he is just gay gay gay!
     

28. KT
    June 10th, 2008 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    26, Ed Power:

    Yes, I do have a Daily Ink account, which is great for reading nice high-rez versions of the strips. (Especially comes in handy on Sundays!)

29. True Fable
    June 10th, 2008 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    BF We interrupt the ongoing attempts for this strip to be sickeningly similar to FBoFW, to bring you today’s pretty decent story about my favorite nibble food, Chocolate Covered Expresso Beans. Mmmm! Good for 5-6 hours of bouncing off the walls, yeah boy!
    MW Mary’s planning on pitting her two men against each other like aging pit bulls, ready to gum each other to pieces because they just can’t get enough of that meddlin’ action. God knows any other action would just make them retch.
    MT Okay, okay, we GET IT. Kelly’s a troublemaker and Cherry’s a washrag who now thinks she can deal with her. Geez, this strip takes a week to repeat one line of thought, four weeks to drag through a silly storyline and only a day or two of Fist O’ Justice action. We have SUCH a long way to go to get to the funsies.
    MF Fuck you, Tinsley.
    Luann Delta, go do it yourself if you’re so damned excited about it. Your friends obviously aren’t.
    JP Yeah, yeah, inspections, officials, lives, tragedy. Whatever. The wine’s been poured and the night is young. Get naked and get busy; you’ll feel better in the morning!
    MC Awww, I love her little tail! It’s so cute! (she would probably hear that often, come to think of it)
    GA Since WHEN has there ever been an e-lectric telephone? Don’t they run off completely different systems? Dammit, get it right before I come out there with a planefull of meteorite to throw down on your ass.
    SFx Wait. Alligators don’t have breasts, but Junior is working on a nippled bottle. Head hurts, must go.
    FBoFW GAAHH! Panel 3; the horror, the horror! Apart from the fact that Liz doesn’t seem to want to get married after all, there’s Elly telling her the lie that the decision is Liz and Anthony’s to make. No it isn’t, Elly, you cow. It’s YOUR decision to make; always has been, always will be and you damn well know it. You are a major manipulator in the world’s most fuckugly bun and glasses.
    FC EWWW it wouldn’t be so bad if the coloring monkeys had made it anything but Puke Greenish-Brown!
    Zits Nice read today.

30. Anonymous
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:50 am [Reply]

    True Fable: Yes, Bridget does dress up nicely. (I’m hoping to see what Ashley looks like…)

    Goats will be uploaded tonight or tomorrow. Depends on how tired I am when I get home.

31. Anonymous
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:50 am [Reply]

    …annnnd that was Niall, not an anonymous. Gah. (Working from airport kiosks..)

32. True Fable
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:08 am [Reply]

    # 30 Niall – Goat promise! :D

33. TeacherPatti
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:08 am [Reply]

    Congrats COTW winners!!

    And a message to Jeffy, in today’s FC: Son, that turdsicle thing that you call a “lollipop” had problems long, long before it hit your dog-hair encrusted, PJ-drooled upon, Big Daddy Keane footprinted, scurvy floor.

34. Trilobite
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    Tuesday’s comics stole my lunch money:

    Funky Winkerbean: If we’re about to get a storyline where a drunk and highly delusional Funky starts running around and indiscriminately beating people’s heads in with a mallet, I might actually start enjoying this comic strip again.

    Mary Worth: So, Jeff comes slouching back to make nice with Mary after the mandatory two-day cooling-off period. I like that Jeff is taking care of this first thing in the morning…but I love that he’s doing it while eating a bowl of cereal and reading the obituaries. Their passion is truly legendary.

    (Seriously — a page full of separate paragraphs, each with their own boldfaced headlines, interspersed with the occasional headshot? That’s totally the obits. It must be the local Santa Royale paper, too, since they’re running two full pages of them.)

35. gleeb
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: Don’t burn your customers, Jones. Your liability is Alan’s opportunity! Of course he’ll blow it, but you’re losing a little income.

    Edge City: When will it occur to these fools that they’re paying to be braseros?

    ‘bean: Except the moles are on fire and spreading mixed metaphors.

    Rex: “Oh, I thought this was about my mob ties. Sure, I can help you about that kid that died.”

36. John C Fremont
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    JP – In the absence of pot-laced brownies, Sam employs Thunderbird.

    MW – I see Jeff Cory buys Bran brand bran.

37. Ruth
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Shoe (is that one Shoe? I don’t know which bird is which) looks like he’s covered in tire track marks in panel two. Honestly, if I was going to pick one comics page character to run over, it wouldn’t be Shoe (or whomever that is). It would have to be Elly. Remember that doctor in Houston who ran over her husband repeatedly? I’m kind of envisioning something along those lines.

38. Whippersnapper
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Congrats to all the float riders! Throw me some candy!

    MT: Kelly Welly’s previous visit to LoFo occurred back in my days of blissful ignorance of the existence of Mark Trail (and most other serial strips, for that matter). Now that I’ve been sucked in by you Mudgies, will someone please explain to me what sort of hideous demon Kelly is to prompt such worry by Mark and Old Guy Who I Think is Cherry’s Father?

39. Tweeks_Coffee
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Agnes: A little late to the Million Threads jokes, aren’t we?
    A3G: “Well yeah, just so long as they’re bland white people. I’ll have none of this ‘diversity’ in my drug selling business!”
    BB: Do I even want to know why this is a subject of conversation? No. No I do not.
    ‘Shaft: Really now, do any of these people look like they’d be shopping on a boutique street?
    F-: Must he be sitting so… suggestively? I do like the look of disdain he’s giving his packmates, though.
    FC: Dear God, that’s what it looks like after just getting dropped on the floor? Someone clean that house!
    FOOB: Oh no…
    GT: Hey, it’s Trainer Rick Scott! Somehow his character always looks the same no matter the artist. What is Mimi doing with that bat, though?
    JP: Sam took the most unnatural pose ever to pour that wine for Abbey. At first I thought he was holding a gun and he had it sideways, John Woo style. Imagine my disappointment when I realized what was actually going on.
    MT: “Ha ha ha, Oh Cherry, we know that you can take care of yourself and we respect you for it. Now get back to cooking, woman, I’m hungry.”
    Marvin: No. Just…no. I’m not going to read through an infant’s version of Little Women. If this continues tomorrow I’m officially eliminating Marvin and rebuilding my Chron page. It’ll be a good reason to cut 9CL too since I never rebuilt after Preteena ended.
    MW: Quite the setup Jeff’s got there just for a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. What’s that jug anyway? Bleach?
    Momma: Wait…but wasn’t Francis just over there yesterday? Cripes, woman, you need to get out of the house more.
    MC: Oh yeah, I do remember Lenny now. He was an older green bird like KT described. I’m a little surprised Norm actually owns a suit, I figured he’d just have a blazer like I do.
    Pluggers: Somehow I think Pluggers would scoff at any of those fancy-dancy-new-age remedies.
    Shoe: Why the hell are they sitting there staring at an empty podium? I[’m sure alcohol figures into this somewhere, I’m just not sure if it’s the birds or the artist who got loaded.

40. Jamus The Bartender
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Congratulations Trey and especially congratulations Jennifer. May your foist child be a masculine child, as Luca Brasi used to say.
    Okay then…
    9CL: Damn, Brooke draws some sweet hinders….
    FOOB: Goddammit, Elly’s such a player….she’s using the oldest trick in the book. “You’ve got to do what’s right for YOU. Never mind what other people think.” And Liz fell for it, hook, line and sinker.
    Oh, on another note, I really think Liz could have gone in to visit Jim if she wanted to. No health care worker in the world would stop a family member if she REALLY wanted a visit. Story time. Twenty years ago, when Great Grandma The Bartender broke her hip and Jamus was an aspiring actor, it was production week for a show at the local Joliet Jr College,if it matters, so not much in the way of extra time. Still, after a show,and way PAST visiting hours, Jamus the sneaky managed to wind his way past the corridors of the local hospital and it’s underworked staff and catch a few minutes of face time with Grandma. Glad I did it too. She would pass on two years later.
    Wow, I sounded a lot like April and Elly there, didn’t I? Yeah, sure didn’t wanna do that.
    Luann: Orange vests? Ew. They give those to prisoners, I think. Oh, wait, they also give those to construction workers who don’t wanna get hit by cars, I forgot. Yeah. Better go with the lovely shade of prisoner there Luann.
    My Cage: Damn, Bridget looks hot in the little black number. Come see Jamus when the funeral is over, baby…

41. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Congrats to the Comments of the Weekers! …or, Commenters of the Week, that is!

    Josh, the stretched-out condition of Jennifer’s shirt makes me realize you’re missing a market niche: Comics Curmudgeon maternity wear! How about a more roomy, comfy shirt with a TDIET-style arrow pointing to the belly and the legend “We’re thinking Hekkie if it’s a boy and Loopina if it’s a girl.” How about an arrow saying “Future Charterstone resident on board” or “Already hates Cathy“? Maybe “Hormones make me MARGO! BOXCAR! SATURN!” I’m sure others could think of something better. Anyway, let’s do the comics, shall we?

    FC: Judging from the baby-shit-brown color of that lollipop, I think dropping it on the floor could only improve it.

    JP: Innocent dupes forced to grow pot by shady Mexican types don’t bake pot brownies and serve them to their neighbors for kicks. I call bullshit on the whole Dickens story. Not to mention… Just two days ago, Abbey dropped $2.5 million on an apartment. If they were really having money troubles, they could have just asked her to buy their farm for eleventy jillion dollars, and retired to an ocean-view condo in Miami Beach.

    H&L: Insurance is the homeowner’s responsibility. That house doesn’t come with flood insurance any more than this comic strip comes with laughter.

    MT: Jesus H. Christ on a Jeep, what is everybody’s problem with Kelly Welly? What “unpredictable” acts does she do that have everyone so freaked out? Set forest fires? Bite the heads off squirrels? Sacrifice babies to Ba’al? Something tells me Kelly — and this storyline — are going to be much less spontaneous and exciting than advertised.

    Big Dog: If I were you, Mr. Winslow, I’d be less worried about where Marm is getting the papers and more worried that he’s about to run full-tilt into your solar plexus.

    Momma: Your children never call, visit or write? YOU HARANGUE AT LEAST ONE OF THEM IN PERSON EVERY FUCKING DAY! The last panel has me hoping that Sonya has met Cerebus the Aardvark’s predicted fate: “You die alone. Unmourned. And unloved.”

    MC: Bridget does clean up nicely. Since she and Norm are often seen on the couch watching TV together, I bet I’m right and she spends all her money on DVDs. She probably has complete collections of shows like “Sex and the Kitty,” “Fluffy the Lagomorph Slayer” and “Desperate Mousewives.”

    Phantom: I’m glad she pointed to the screen, or he might not have been able to pick him out from all the other hulking, hooded, menacing characters stalking about with pipe wrenches.

    Pluggers: Ha ha! #1 and #6!

    6C: That rooster can’t wait to tell everyone what his cock-a-doodle did.

    S-M: How’s Spidey hovering in midair like that for the time it takes to say all that dialogue?

42. Tweeks_Coffee
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    As noted on Mary Worth and Me ( http://maryworthandme.blogspot.com/ ) the San Diego Union-Tribune is looking to replace a current strip with Doonesbury on their comics page. The ones up for elimination are; Judge Parker, Wizard Of Id and Cathy (I particularly enjoy their comment on Cathy). So I suggest everyone write in to eliminate Cathy, even if you don’t live in San Diego. You can read the article and post comments here: http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/features/20080609-9999-1c09comics.html

43. Calico
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Congrats to the COTW-ers! Great stuff.

    So, what will be the Baby Mudge’s name?

44. Bootsy
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    OMG! I’m on the float. Thanks Josh!

    Whoever asked about Kelly Welly: I remember during the whole bear debacle, Kelly was trying to take a picture of the grizzly bear with the arrow in its ass as it was menacing Mark and Ranger Rick. Mark exclaimed “It’s Kelly! And she’s being foolish!” Or something to that effect. She does seem to have the hots for Mark, so I guess she is pretty foolish, come to think of it.

45. A Lemur
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Reminescent of the dream where one finds oneself mysteriously on stage clutching a musical instrument one has no idea how to play, Lemur finds himself unexpectedly on the float. He smiles, waves non-chalantly like he’s supposed to be there, all the while waiting for someone in the crowd to mutter, ‘wait, what’s he doing there? Somebody get a rope.’

    But thanks Josh, really. I’m honored.

46. A Lemur
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    JP: Jeepers! Growing dope is bad enough, but bribing a chicken inspector? Oh, the slippery slope to evil…

47. TheDiva
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Congrats trey and all other float-riders!

    FOOB: “Now Liz, if you’re going to be a bride you’re going to have to stop thinking about the needs and desires of other people and focus on what you want. Yours is the only opinion that matters, for you are the most important person in the world right now. Except for me, ’cause I’m the mother of the bride.”

    FW: This being a Batiuk strip, there’s a better than even chance this plane will be hijacked by terrorists. With cancer.

    Mutts: The ticking is the pipe bomb she planted in the dumpster behind the cafeteria.

48. ladadog
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    #38 I echo Whippersnapper. Could someone please tell us the backstory on Cherry? Is she some social misfit suffering from terminal ineptness?
    Must she stay in Lost Forest forever? Does she suffer from agoraphobia?
    Inquiring minds need to know. Please?
    Thank you.

49. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to the COTWers. So much going on, I had forgotten about those.

    Now, 6/10

    A3G: Well excuse me, Jones. I know you must have been hoping to sell crack to a classier crowd. But since Robert Downey more or less cleaned himself up, you take what you can get.

    MF: Mallard’s stuck on the next verse because he can’t think of anything that rhymes with DUI.

    JP: “Well Abbey, you know the difference between tragedy and comedy? Two more glasses of this.”

    9CL: “All the sensual spontaneity of a Rubik’s cube”? Edda must give the most painful handjobs in the Northern Hemisphre.

    H&L: He wants to make sure his collection of hideous toupees is covered.

    6C: This insider’s look at sexuality in the barnyard allows me to say something I usually can’t say about the funnies: Nice cock!

    GA: “But Rufus, y’ain’t paid the bill in dang near five years. When’s the last time you heard one of them dill (sic) tones.”

    MC: Nice one, Bridget.

    Popeye: Integrating dissent into the workings of government? Haggy actually shows some political savvy.

    S-M: The Vulture’s revenge won’t seem so sweet when Spider-Man pukes on him.

    OBH: Oh hell, go for it Avis. You have no living nerves left in your face, so you won’t feel a thing.

    Momma: And the winner of today’s Slash Your Wrists Comics award is…

    FW: “Whack-a-Mole. Hmmm. Guacamole. Wonder how that would work as a topping. Note to self…”

    Crock: Yeah, the IHOP marketing VP who said, “Hey, why don’t we put some product placement in Crock” has been fired now

    Phantom: Good thing Diana was there, or the Ghost-Who-Breaks-and-Enters would have missed the dumpster-sized workman on the monitor.

    DT: Those monsters! They even took the bank manager’s forearms.

    Marvin: “Gallant true love”? Do you actually get those kinds of hallucinations on Ritalin? Sign me up!

    Baldo: “Actually, these aren’t even brake pads. They’re maxipads painted black. Oops, shouldn’t give away industry secrets.”

    FC: Well, it looks like a huge olive that fell out of Grandma’s martini. So it’s still got plenty of gin to disinfect it. Go to town, Jeffy.

50. In Light Syrup
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    I have a question. What does Adam (of Adam@Home fame) DO at home, exactly? What kind of work does he do?

51. fed up to HERE!
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    #41 – I don’t know who Cerebus the Aardvark is – but that’s a really sad prediction, isn’t it? I originally heard it given to a customer of the blind Seer in the movie “Seven Faces of Dr. Lao”, and it was really chilling.

52. AhClem
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    FC – Go ahead and eat it, Jeffy. Five-second rule, remember?

53. Jude
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    #49: Oh, dear God. Your comment on Spider-Man made me realize: we’re in for a bird flu pun at some point, aren’t we?

54. Benicillin
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    (cough)

55. gnome de blog
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    #50, syrup:

    Mostly, he f***s off.

56. scott
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    That’s the first time “mole” has been used in Funky without it being preceded by “cancerous”. That includes the lawn moles.

57. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 10th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    #53 Jude,
    Now that you mention it…

58. Mibbitmaker
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    FC: Looks like he got that lollypop from “Ren & Stimpy”.

    #26 (Ed Power…): Good luck, but you’ll have a hard time topping NewsRadio (a dead rat) and The Office (a dead bird*).

    #53: From the aforementioned Office episode: “Don’t be stupid, Dwight! You can’t get sick from a bird!” (See what I mean, Ed?)

    * Really a former boss.

59. A Lemur
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    #51, fed up to HERE! : Cerebus was the creation of Dave Sims, it’s a 300 issue comic essentially telling the life story of a barbarian aardvark. Seriously. Initially the series is quite funny, Sims is a very good writer and artist, and in the first 100 issues or so you watch him develop from a rather crude style to an extremely accomplished illustrator and writer. He also had a great gift for parody and dialog. Later issues get quite complex and serious, and interlaced with Sim’s worldview that -heh- got a little extreme. (cough) crank (cough)(cough) misogynist (cough) It’s still a brilliant and remarkable artistic achievement but marred somewhat by Sim’s, shall we charitably say, excesses.

    wikilink: Cerebus

60. Baka Gaijin
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    #24 Sarah: I have to ask you to PLEASE NOT MENTION THE WORD “threesome” in the same hemisphere as “Mary Worth.” Clorox does not make brain bleach strong enough to get rid of that image!

61. Anonymous
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    FC — Gah! That is the nastiest, most disgusting … is that a meatball? … that I have ever seen. Even if it hadn’t fallen on the floor and gotten covered covered with hairs. The odious color, more reminiscent of an 8-year-old dishrag than actual meat. The unnatural, perfectly spherical shape, which makes me wonder if this wasn’t supposed to be a sucker after all. And the sweat drop. Oh, the sweat drop! It’s like Mister-Wilson-On-A-Stick.

    I’ll give you 50 cents to eat it, Jeffy.

62. Invisible Me
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    By the way, what kind of name is Santa Royale?

    Santa – Spanish for saint, female
    Royale – French for royal

    DOES NOT COMPUTE

63. Gold-Digging Nanny
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Anonymous at 61 is me. I forgot I cleared my cookies.

64. queek
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    30: betcha she’s dressed in black.

    *adds to the chorus of Bridget in a little black dress ftw*

    46: Emeril ph33rz the Chicken Police as well.

    GF and PBS continue the win, A&J was bleak as all get out.

65. AhClem
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    #63 G-DN -
    Reading FOOB the last couple of days made me “clear my cookies”, too. All over my desk and keyboard. Eww.

66. Anonymous
    June 10th, 2008 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    I had a dream last night that my mother gave me a Crankshaft collection. At first I was irritated, because Crankshaft sucks, but upon reading it, I realized it was the first few months of strips, and they were HARDCORE. In the collection, The ‘Shaft fathered an illegitemate child AND burned down a grocery store where he worked to protest their hiring practices. The original Crankshaft was AWESOME.

67. Baka Gaijin
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    #61 Anonymous/Gold Digger: Your comment reminded me what that thing-on-a-stick is: a huge moose turd!

68. t007
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    MW – Jeff & Mary never call each other Dear, Babe, Hon, surprised it isn’t still “Dr. Corey” and “Mrs. Worth”. Blow me, Mrs. Worth.

69. trey le parc
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Josh!

    Yesterday I was flamed on Fark for posting on this site…is that great or what? Apparently some bitter malcontent Googled my handle. I can’t describe the joy I take in irritating someone over the internet. It’s like being Mary Worth without, you know, actually having to be Mary Worth.

70. DAS
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: So Mary is following the Dr. Drew approach to dating — have two relationships stringing along at once? Will Mary then have to meddle in her own life and ship herself off to ‘Nam?

    RMMD: what’s that thing on RMMD’s latest twink, er suspect’s, chin? an MRSA infection?

71. bats :[
    June 10th, 2008 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    51. Fed up:
    Apollonius of Tyana: Tomorrow will be like today, and the day after tomorrow will be like the day before yesterday. I see your remaining days as a tedious collection of hours full of useless vanities. You will think no new thoughts. You will forget what little you have known. Older you will become, but not wiser. Stiffer, but not more dignified. Childless you are, and childless you will remain. Of that suppleness you once commanded in your youth, of that strange simplicity which once attracted men to you, neither endures, nor shall you recapture them.
    Mrs. Cassin: You’re a mean, ugly man!
    Apollonius of Tyana: Mirrors are often ugly and mean. When you die, you will be buried and forgotten, and that is all. And for all the good or evil, creation or destruction, your living might have accomplished, you might just as well never have lived at all.

    That’s from the movie, but it is nearly verbatim from the novel itself. Sad and creepy indeed…

72. gnome de blog
    June 10th, 2008 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    68 t007:

    Dr. Cory only addresses her as Mrs. Worth when she summons him with the tinkly bell and refers to him as “Fifi.”

73. Darkefang
    June 10th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Isabel is the most interesting character in this strip, and she makes vanilla look like habanero peppers marinaded in mace.

    A3G: As always, I learn a little something about life in the big city from Apartment 3-G. For instance, today I learned that professional drug dealers like Jones only sell to the cultural elite.

    Crankshaft: In today’s strip, Crankshaft is shopping for a punchline. Better keep looking.

    DT: For those who haven’t been following Dick Tracy’s latest story, here’s a summary of Dick’s master plan:

    Step 1: Allow bank robbers to rob bank completely unimpeded.

    Step 2: ?

    Step 3: Murder bank robbers in a brutal fashion.

    GT: Tomorrow we finally find out that Elmer and Branden elope. That gives Milford about a week to play the last 20 games of the softball and baseball seasons before it’s time for the insane plots o’ summer.

    JP: Damn those two old farts and their illegal mind-altering substances. Now, to celebrate our moral superiority, let’s drink a big glass of our legal mind-altering substance.

    MT: Everyone’s acting like Cherry invited the Convicted Rapist Chapter of the Hell’s Angels to the cabin for the weekend. Why do Mark and Cherry’s dad in live in such fear of Kelly?

74. Paul1963
    June 10th, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    #51, #59– It’s Dave Sim. No “s” at the end.
    Yes, Cerebus was quite a ride, and I say this as someone who started reading it when #32 was just out (late 1981, early ‘82) and actually stuck it out to the bitter, bitter end.

    The whole thing (300 issues, 6,000 pages) is available in a series of thick trade paperbacks. I recommend starting with “High Society,” simply because you get to dive right into a bunch of good stuff right away. The three-volume “Mothers & Daughters” (”Women,” “Reads” and “Minds”) is where the… interesting …worldview really comes into play.
    If you tough it out all the way to the end, get yourself a magnifying glass for the lengthy blocks of tiny little text in “Latter Days” and be prepared to take breaks. I’m a fast reader, and some of those issues took me a couple of sessions to get through.

75. Honeypot
    June 10th, 2008 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Apt 3G
    I cannot wait to see what the lowlife version of bland is. How sad is that? Kind of like Pat Boone doing heavy metal. You can’t turn away.

    Spiderman, pop a web on that lame bird’s wings and tow him and his anti-grav belt back to lockup. I shouldn’t have to be telling you how to do your job.

76. Vakar
    June 10th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Okay, maybe I should take a crack at Slylock’s ’six differences… Lessee, crocodile pimp, creepy black bird, tree HOLY SHIT BABY REPTILE WITH BOTTLE OF MILK!!

77. Vakar
    June 10th, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Besides, I want to prove to you and Mark that I am capable of taking care of myself!” Clearly, Cherry thinks that women shouldn’t be treated like helpless, witless creatures who need the protection and patronage of their male relatives or spouses.

    Hahahahahahaha! This is Mark Trail, honey. You just need to know two things: to cook the moose burgers medium-well, and to step out of frame when the Fist starts flying. That shouldn’t be before August, though. Say, do you think you could mop the forest before Kelly comes over…?

78. Tom
    June 10th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    It has become my goal to someday post something here witty enough to be collected by Josh in the week’s roundup. Oh, foolish dreams!

79. Little Guy
    June 10th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Meta: Jennifer is HAWT!

    Candorville: Homunculus?

    FOOB: My money’s on the wedding at Grandpa’s Home, with Grandpa Jim expiring just as the newlyweds kiss.

    JP: Yes, hundreds of thousands of lives lost, billions of dollars wasted, and the fall of Western Civilization. Not because of the Wicked Weed. Because of the bird flu that killed them in the first place.

80. essteess
    June 10th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: Inside Jeff’s mind–
    “Skyyyyyy rocket’s in flight!
    Afternoon delight!
    Aa-aa-afternoon delight!”

    Too bad Mary’s just inviting him over so she can enlist him in the “downtown revitalization” project of Ron’s. “Jeff, here’s some trash bags. Start on the corner of Main and First and work your way down to City Hall. There’s a dear…”

81. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 10th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    #70 DAS,

    Dawn is itchin’ to do more slappin’ too.

82. gnome de blog
    June 10th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    How will we tell Kelly Welly and Cherry Werry apart, unless Cherry’s packing the 12-gauge she plans to take care of Kelly with?

83. Paul1963
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    #82 gnome de blog: It’s easy–Cherry has the hairdo from the 1950s and Kelly has the one from the 1970s.

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