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Baby Morgan should arrive in a few months, strip-time! (i.e., 2031 or so)

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/3/13

There was a certain amount of of complaining around here yesterday about a plot point that I failed to bring up in my year-end review: namely, that Rex and June have succeeded in creating an embryonic human, presumably with their naughty bits. The reason I ignored this is because there wasn’t anything super funny about the way it was presented, but I am sort of intrigued by how subtly giddy the prospect of renewed fatherhood is making Rex. I have only vague memories of who “Melissa” is — I’m pretty sure she’s the cranky old lady who we met like three plot twists ago, who owns the building that her grandson is letting strippers have sexy cancer fundraisers in. Maybe she’ll help out! Maybe human beings are basically good! We’ll never know unless we ask! Who wants more margaritas! Oh wait I guess I’m drinking for two now, aren’t I June! Ha ha ha!

The unexplained tight-shirted lady wandering through the foreground panel one is a good example of why stripper storylines are a harsh mistress. You’ve committed to a boobtastic plot now; sure, your narrative might demand that you spend a little time away from Chez Exotic Dancer, but your readers know what they want, and they want women with prominent breasts.

Shoe, 1/3/13

They say that literature can make you feel like you’ve visited exotic places you’ve never been to, and it’s certainly true that, thanks to its recurrent appearance as a locale in Shoe, I feel very familiar with a certain category of terribly sad fern bar circa 1979 or so. Just look at those three faces in panel one, emotionally deadened in various harrowing ways; the fact that the bird-man on the right is talking about a botched suicide attempt should certainly come as no surprise to anyone.

Mary Worth, 1/3/13

Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Dill, did you think you were in charge of your own entry in this cake-design contest? Well, you aren’t. You asked for Mary’s help, and when you ask for Mary’s help, you do it Mary’s way.

288 responses to “Baby Morgan should arrive in a few months, strip-time! (i.e., 2031 or so)”

  1. nescio
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Shoe: “Since she didn’t like my outfit, I jumped off the ledge, flew into position and shit on her head.”

  2. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    MW Clash of Titans: Now we see what happens when an irritable force meets an immeddleable object.

  3. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Tight shirt lady also had a stroke, but alleged Doctor Rex is heroically ignoring it. Also, he can talk with his mouth closed, which would be a useful accomplishment for a…spy? ventriloquist? Not for a doctor, is what I’m saying.

  4. hogenmogen
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    MW: You will watch the video, or I will beat you with a wooden spoon! (pause) … Mr. Dill, that is NOT a come on!

    I watch the vapor lines rise from Mary’s spotless stainless steel pots and I can positively smell the shrimp scampi from here. Mmmm….

  5. seismic-2
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    MW: [Sigh] “Dave always used to tell me to watch videos to improve my technique.”

  6. Lenoxus
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Many suicide methods require suppresion of survival instincts. So how can a bird kill itself by falling? Anyway, he really should be grateful to his wife – if she actually said that, she probably wasn’t being a newspaper-comic-shrew but instead going for tongue-in-cheek humor in a desperate attempt to keep him from doing it. Of course, since Shoe-people never seem to interpret jokes as jokes but instead as horror beyond words, I can see how that could backfire.

  7. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    JP – Good JP/PBS crossover here as a giraffe is playing the part of Katherine for today’s strip. Still the same advanced WASP passive-aggressive misery-inducing techniques, however.

    Luann- Just for today, I will pretend that Ann simply sees how ridiculous the notion of TJ’s tape going to corporate and getting her fired would be in real life, and is enjoying not taking him seriously. Tomorrow, we will have another layer of groaning stupidity to throw on the pile, but until then I will maintain my illusion.

    SM – Of all the ongoing idiocy in this strip (it even beats out ‘Luann’ in the “Reads as if plotted by a 6-year-old” category), today I chose to focus on the old trope: “But, my open-handed blow to the back of your head should have instantly rendered you unconscious for 2 ½ hours before you woke up with no side effects other than a slight headache. But you woke up in 1 ½ hours!? Damn, I need to get this thing re-calibrated!”

  8. pugfuggly
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    RMMD Hey, I like foreground boobs as much as the next guy, but one on her cheek? A bit much.

    Shoe Suicide story? They’re birds. He was just telling the story about how he left his nest this morning to kill himself slowly with alcohol. So ok, it was a suicide story, just not a jumping one.

    MW “Plus, a video will enable us to better identify past contestants, and make sure they won’t be competing this year…”

  9. The Restless Mouse
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    What kind of stupid BIRD tries to kill himself by jumping off of a building? He should go to the airport for his suicide attempt.

  10. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#3):

    Ventriloquism could be an awesome tool in a doctor’s arsenal!

    “No, we don’t have to do the prostate exam that way any more. We have advanced techniques that allow us to get the information we need directly! How are you feeling today, Mr. Prostate?”

    “Is OK, Is alright!”

    “Not feeling swollen or inflamed?”

    “No, is good.”

    “And there you go! See you again in 6 months! … No, just kidding. You have stage 3 cancer – the ‘Westview Special’. Six months is probably too long to wait, unless I’m just seeing you at the viewing. But, aren’t you glad you get to go out laughing? Hey, put down that speculum!”

    OK, maybe, on second thought, not such a good idea after all.

  11. Chareth Cutestory
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Hey, wouldn’t that bird-man have trouble falling to his death because of some undeniable bird flight instinct? Ahhh, you forgot to factor in his morbid obesity!

    Mary Worth: Mary is the Bill Belichick of cake contests! And I am more on board with it than I expected to be.

  12. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    I feel I should point out the passing of Miss Patti Page, the Singing Rage, who co-starred with David Janssen in the movie version of ‘Dondi’. For those of us of a certain age, Miss Page is the reason why approximately 95.78% of all females born in the 1950s are named “Patricia”. When I was born, my parents looked down on me in my bassinet and immediately began singing, “How much is that doggie in the window…” which led to my being named…”Woof”. (Sophia is my middle name.)

  13. pugfuggly
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    A3G Welcome to bizarro NY, where upper-class hoodlums in gayly-colored hoodies break into open apartments to leave presents.

    FW “Care for a glass of water? It symbolizes the dull, flavourless life I embraced when I gave up the booze and switched to plodding, sober misery.”

    MT Meanwhile, Mark leaves the two bandits to fight it out to go fishing. Sensing the end of a plotline, he knows he won’t have a chance to go alone once he’s reunited with Rusty.

  14. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    In the second panel of Shoe, I like to think that we are witnessing Shoe’s massive heart attack.

  15. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#11):

    Looking forward to the interview with Belichick after the contest!

    “So, any thoughts on next week’s contest?”

    “Well, we have a contest at Goleta next week, so, we will have to get ready.”

    “Any significant injuries to report?”

    “Well, we put out the injury report on Wednesday, so, we will see who is listed.”

    “Is Tom Brady still baking the cakes for you?”

    “Yes”

    “Then you are still a genius. See you next week.”

  16. Spunde
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Show: For once, the goggle-eyed horror makes sense. “‘That outfit’? But… Holy shit, I’m BUCK NAKED!!

  17. Marc
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    9CL- So Amos has a wet dream and thinks he’s cheating on their BS no sex promise. If it wasn’t for Luann, this would be the pinnacle of stupid.

    A3G- I hope Evan poked some air holes in that box or the rabid possum that he got “his girl” isn’t going to be quite the surprise of a lifetime that he was hoping for.

    Mark Trail- Mark is going to attach Juan to his fishing hook and use him as bait. Nothing attracts the bonefish quite like kidnapper chunks.

    Mary Worth- How is there even a video of past competitions? Is Santa Royale Local Cable Channel 8 that desperate for filler?

    Luann- There is a special level in hell reserved for anyone who enjoys this comic non-ironically.

    Funky- What a great crew. A sober, fat failure, his personality devoid wife, the comic book pedophile, and the lunatic mailman. This is maybe the biggest collection of sad sack losers ever assembled in one room. Except for maybe the 2012 New York Jets.

    Archie- And so began the 21st centruy breakout of the black plague.

  18. RavenHawk
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @The Restless Mouse (#9): “What kind of stupid BIRD tries to kill himself by jumping off of a building?”

    An Angry Bird.

  19. Bill Gatevackes
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    MW: Wasn’t Mary all about encouraging Mr. Dill to enter the contest because he was talented enough? Now she thinks he needs to improve his technique? The last time I saw someone switch from positive reinforcement to negative reinforcement that fast was during a documentary on cults where they show the brainwashing techniques cult leaders use to keep cult members loyal. I expect the ATF to be laying siege to The Charterstone Condominium Complex at any moment now.

  20. bunivasal
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Naturally everyone is commenting that our suicidal bird-man couldn’t possibly mean he was planning to jump to his death, after all, he’s a bird.

    Ah, fellow Mudges, but he’s a good, old-fashioned, American bird! That mean’s he’s morbidly obese and wearing a Donald Trump wig. Turnips are more aerodynamic.

  21. Darryl Heine
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Not mentioned:

    Blondie – Dagwood almost goes on a 1930′s hunger strike thanks to another pester to Mr. Dithers for a raise!

    Family Circus 1976 redeux – Didn’t the Christmas tree just go up?

  22. Chris B
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    We are all glossing over the main point in Mary Worth, which is that Santa Royale not only has a cake design contest, but it has a prestigious cake design contest, and also a cake design contest that has been captured on easily accessible video.

  23. Voshkod
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    The missing third panel to Shoe:

    “So I jumped. I mean, she clearly didn’t love me. I had nothing left. I hit the pavement like a turkey thrown from a helicopter, and found myself here. Never would have thought that hell was a cheap bar filled with depressed losers, but it makes a lot of sense, if you think about it. Not sure why they called it ‘Funky’s’, though.”

  24. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Shoe-”So I grabbed her by her neck and threw her out the window.”

    RMMD-Then Melissa will want your child in exchange for her help.

    MW-”Well I’m sorry but to win this contest you can’t have a design that is recognizable. Your design must be an unrecognizable lump of a single solid color.”

  25. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MW-I’m hoping those videos have blooper reels.

  26. Mibbitmaker
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    9CL: Edda: “Hey, just who’s the Burber around here, anyway?!”

    DT: Why should a vigilante cop bust a vigilante?

    RMMD, meta: Giddy, indeed! Rex is practically puckish!

    H&L: “Whaddaya want from me, Mom, a late-night TV comedy bit done every Friday or something?!”

    JP: Okay! Okay! We get it, she’s eeeeevil![/Doofenshmirtz]

    Luann: Yeah, no friggin’ kidding!
    – uh, I mean —
    Oh, bitch please….!
    (soul dying…)

    MT: “I’m going….. FISHING!”

    MW: “Silly boy, thinking he has a say in this matter! Let’s just get this straight, cake genius: you don’t run your own creations anymore, dearie. I own you now, and I say I know better than you, the cake geeeen-YUS! I am your master now! It goes MY way, or else….. You know the term ‘fiscal cliff’? Well, let’s just say you could forget the ‘fiscal’ part…. Savvy?”

    NS: I’d think an end to the gender bigotry would be a batter resolution, Danae, but that’s just me…

    FC: Charlie Brown Christmas tree — in reverse.

    RMMD: Take last two panels, repeat in same order for about 8 weeks…..

    I gotta go write the Curtis MST3K thingy now………

  27. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MW-Listen to the woman who is getting high off of her homemade airplane glue.

  28. Little Blue Bicycle
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    I can’t get to the last panel of Rex Morgan, it’s like something keeps pointing me to the left.

  29. Mibbitmaker
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Lockhorns with feathers.

  30. pugfuggly
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#24):

    ”Well I’m sorry but to win this contest you can’t have a design that is recognizable. Your design must be an unrecognizable lump of a single solid color.”

    That must be why Mary is taking the unusual step of boiling her cakes on the stovetop, rather than baking them.

  31. pugfuggly
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Chris B (#22):

    Hey, if the citizens of Santa Royale can be blown away by a 10-part eyewitness account of history’s least dangerous (or interesting) naval disaster, a cake decorating contest on local access TV must be their Superbowl.

  32. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Frazz: shanties help. that and the tasty tasty fish.

    Lio: el gato in a som-brer-o!

    PBS: *snurk*

    SBp: meta /fail.

    Bizarro: Momma was an inflate-a-date.

    PMP: o, just wow. leather-scotty behind the counter just takes the cake.

    RwO: *fliptake* that. is. VONderful!!!

    SFx: that ice-weasel is a little chunky.

  33. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . gettin’ some on the side.

  34. Greg
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Shoe: “So I went back and changed and THEN I threw myself out the window. Turns out I’m an Autumn. Just a few highlights to accent my eye color and skin tone and suddenly I was FABULOUS as I hurtled to my death, heh heh.”

  35. Amateur
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Well, great. Now we can have an older guy romancing a baby, a la the barely-concealed-pedophilia plot in “Twilight.” The kids will love it!

  36. Holly Folly
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    What really gets me about shoe is the moon out the window. They have been drinking long enough for the moon to rise midway through the sky. I’d like to think they had all been sitting in silence, staring at nothing, until he blurted out his tragic story.

  37. seismic-2
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: Since Evan is intent on recruiting all the actors from the new James Bond movie as clients for the Aunt Cathy Publicity Agency, why is he dressed instead to recruit actors from “The Hobbit”?

  38. Cloudbuster
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: After reading the recent strips, I looked up Margaret Shulock’s Wikipedia page. It’s pretty sparse, but it looks like she’s lived in very small towns most of her life, with the exception of a stint in Buffalo, NY (Yeah, her Six Chix bio doesn’t lead one to think differently). I can only guess that her time in Buffalo was brief (because Buffalo is a pretty high-crime city), and that she has never actually spent any time in New York City itself. Nor does she socialize with anyone who lives in New York City.

    She appears to think that living in Manhattan is probably a lot like living in Friendship, New York, but with more shops.

    No middle-class Manhattan apartment-dwellers have door locks that are subject to easy “jimmying” and they don’t leave without locking their doors. I’m not sure how to convey to a resident of Friendship (pop. 2,004) how negligent leaving your apartment unlocked in Manhattan would be.

    Her apparent lack of worldly experience explains a lot about the strip’s plots, as well. Really, she seems like a nice lady, but even her blog shows that she’s most comfortable with a soft, gentle style of humor. I don’t think she really gets NYC or modern city life and she definitely doesn’t get Margo.

  39. Horace Broon
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    DT: Silly Knight thinks there needs to be some sort of investigation when bad guys are killed. Not in Dick Tracy’s city!

    GT: Giant peacock with misplaced word balloon on loan from the Jack Elrod Collection.

    HtH: Hagar has a castle, where presumably he spends time with his other family while telling Helga he’s beseiging somewhere.

  40. Illustrator Steve
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    MT – Mark sees an opportunity here. He grabs his rod and tackle and challenges Juan to a tarpoon fishing tournament. Under Mark’s terms the winner gets to keep the ransom money, only this time Mark will be the one piloting the boat!

  41. Larry Fine
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Given that in panel 2 the bar resembles a casket, this strip’s mortality theme is quite appropriate.

  42. TheDiva
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    MW: “Don’t make me come over there and beat you with my creamed potatoes spoon!”

    All I ask is that we keep the inevitable “praise Mary!” resolution to one week this time…

  43. Chip
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    SHOE: “…so I said ‘Screw you!’ and jumped. But then I remembered I’m a BIRD, and instinct took over and I flew to the ground. So I decided to come here.”

  44. Cloudbuster
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Cow And Boy

    If you haven’t checked out Cow and Boy’s new home, I recommend it. His advertising placeholders are a hoot:

    “Tired of Field Mice? Try Al’s Hourly Owl Rental”

    “Tired of owls overstaying their hourly welcome? Try Bonnie’s Biweekly Bobcat Leasing”

    (It’s a husband and wife team. Well, “team” probably isn’t the right term….)

  45. Mibbitmaker
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MST3Kwanzaa 12-131/3/13

    P1
    CROW: “Curtis again?!”
    MIKE: “C’mon, runt, you’re taking us out of the story!”
    SERVO: “I think Curtis has too much faith in heroic victory here.”

    P2
    MIKE: “‘Hey, Broomhilda, nobody likes a smug witch!’”
    SERVO: “Except some chinless dweeb named Amos…”

    P3
    CROW: “Cradle to grave.”
    SERVO: “(chuckling) No lack of great need for diapers!”
    MIKE: “Just wait until Edidna cries out, ‘GRAMPA!’…”

    P4
    SERVO: “Oh, now that’s just SICK!”
    CROW: “Ms. Yahna, the face-shifting witch. And that’s not even counting her ‘beauty’ disguise…”
    SERVO: “This is NOTHING, re-aged ones — try baking a cake with Mary Worth…!”
    CROW: “Yeah!”

  46. Chip
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp appears to be delving into Funky territory. Because nothing’s funnier in the comic pages than a dead child! Hahaha!

  47. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    3G – Okay, kids! Find six differences between yesterday’s strip and today’s!

    Snuffy – Fixin’ Lukey up’ll be easy as sawin’ off a leg. In fact…

    Bizarro – Baby Bibendum!

  48. bats :[
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    I think Mr. Dill ought to keep his opinions to himself; after all, Mary is already hard at work, creating new and exciting glop fillings for his cake entry.
    Yes, glop. Flavor, calorie, and toxic waste content TBA.

    Agnes: utter filth. Now I’m going to see a pair of extraordinarily naughty bits on the sides of everyone’s heads…

  49. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Dick – Tracy would make a great Commissioner. He gets along well with dark knights.

    C Kennel – Nnnnnope. Don’t get it.

    Lio – Let him keep drinking tequila, kid. It’s the only thing that keeps that monster appendage protruding from just below his belly area from getting a stiffy.

  50. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Mark – I like the idea of Mark sitting this one out. “Well, you boys go ahead and discuss it. I’ll be over here fishing and snickering about Rusty.”

    Pluggers wear earmuffs? I smell Pulitzer!

    R=R – Brady’s slipping. “All” should have been spelled “AHWULLLL.” How can my child-like sense of wonder stay wonderfully child-like if I keep running into correctly spelled words?

    Spider-Man – “Now I’ll show you MY hardest blow! First I’ll huff… then I’ll puff…”

  51. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y99): A friend of mine. What, how many DeSelbys are there?

    @Chip Whittle (#y107): I still like THE ICE PIRATES. It has some great moments, like the robot combat. And hey, a friend of mine worked on it!

    @Cynthia (#y120): Apt. 3G: “Step 1: Get a box. Step 2: Cut a hole in the box. Step 3: Put your junk in the box…”
    There’s the problem! He forgot to cut a hole in the box. Fortunately, he doesn’t seem to mind.

    @Baka Gaijin (#y123): I said recently I was sorry to find it wasn’t a mashup of Yogi’s girlfriend and sidekick. Not sure if it was here, though.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#y137): Around 1974, KFML used to have an improv group called “High Street” come in and make up a new soundtrack for a movie that was being shown on one of the Denver TV stations. They’d invite you to tune in and turn the sound off, and put the radio on. Some of it was fairly funny. I wish I had recordings of it. They would contrive elaborately to make the commercials into ads for KFML’s sponsors, which is probably why the stations complained about it and made them quit. Somebody said “High Street” moved to San Francisco after that. (I’m told they turned TWELVE ANGRY MEN into the story of twelve guys trying to escape from the jury room. “Come on, we found a way in here. There’s got to be a way out!”)

  52. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#6): Of course, since Shoe-people never seem to interpret jokes as jokes but instead as horror beyond words, I can see how that could backfire.
    I have to say, in some ways I’m all for Shoe’s crusade to separate humor from any kind of joy or positive emotion. I’d like to see it as a TV show with a horrified live audience, or at least a gasp track.

    @The Restless Mouse (#9): What kind of stupid BIRD tries to kill himself by jumping off of a building?
    That’s just how he was going to start. Then after he got up some velocity, he was going to fly into a window.

    @Sophia Pygea (#12): Miss Page is the reason why approximately 95.78% of all females born in the 1950s are named “Patricia”.
    I’d think at least some of them were inspired by Pérez Prado’s oft-covered hit of the same name.

    @bats :[ (#48): Yow! I edited out my Agnes comment at the last minute, but it was going to be “Utter filth.” And I’d have gotten in ahead of you, too. Glad I didn’t, as the rest of your comment handles it better than I would have.

  53. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#38):

    Maybe I lost the plot somewhere over the holidays, which may have explained why Evan is dropping by with a huge Christmas present in January, but I think that the door is unlocked because Margo and Greg just went back into the apartment. Thus, the ironic dialogue from Evan: “I can’t wait to surprise her.” “It’s too bad I won’t be able to see the look on her face!”, etc.

  54. Nekrotzar
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Why is Shoe bored and uninterested when his barmate discusses his attempt to deliberately and violently end his own life, but shocked when he learns of the barmate’s spouse’s remark? More importantly, why am I able to recognize the eponymous character of this damn strip?

  55. Mibbitmaker
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    MW: Mr. Dill is in a real pickle now!

    (Mibbit goes into hiding….)

  56. TheDiva
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    9CL: Why do they even have the “wait until we’re married” embargo now, anyway? That’s not just shutting the barn door after the cow left, it’s shutting the barn door after all the cows left, the feed was eaten by wild animals, and a tornado came through and blew down the entire building.

    A3G: Because when you’re a single woman living in one of the largest cities in the world, it’s easy to forget one of the most basic methods of self-protection.

    Curtis: I love how Curtis, who shows absolutely zero interest in books and reading the other eleven months of the year, is absolutely engrossed by the randomly weird, cobbled-from-Campbell love story. (Also, ew.)

    FW: Sorry, Crazy, but Funky broke out the bottled stuff for this celebration. Too rich for your blood.

    Luann: So, if you knew absolutely nothing about these characters and this plot arc, who would you assume was the hero of it? That’s what I thought.

    MT: “They’re busy arguing; it’s a PERFECT time for fishing!”

    SM: Okay, JJJ, I’m cutting you off. No more tiny black martinis for you.

  57. Allen
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    What do your readers want: They want women with prominent breasts and a Picassoesque face.

  58. Downpuppy
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    What’s Lois Griffin doing in San Diego? Dropping acid with Graham Nolan & experimenting with perspective.

  59. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MW — They have backtape of previous cake contests? Only in Santa Royale…

  60. Lawyerbob
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I thought the tight-shirted lady was Melissa, which doesn’t explain why Rex and June have to tell her the truth about the baby, but at least gives a clue as to the “help” she might give. Surrogate? Wet nurse?

  61. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#56): Re: Luann

    Hell, I already know far too much about this plot line and the characters, and I still can’t figure out how the hero is the one who is blackmailing his boss into losing her job, after entrapping her and creating an out-of-context tape recording, all for spite because she fired his roommate when his white trash girlfriend stopped by her place of business and threatened to assault her.

  62. Uncle Lumpy
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#61):

    And can you imagine the reaction of the mid-level HR drone at “corporate” who has to listen to this story? Bzz … bzz … bzz … OK — nutjob … think I’ll try that new Thai place for lunch …

  63. Ned Ryerson
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    I know this is a day late, but I must say that “Department Store Dummies” is a horrible film which should be avoided at all costs. Do yourselves a favor and seek out the original German film “Schaufensterpuppen”.

  64. Pozzo
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    The fact that the ash from Shoe’s cigar is about to coat the peanuts, or whatever’s in that bowl probably shouldn’t bother any of these losers in the slightest.

  65. aprilglaspie
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    a member of some kind of medieval craft guild

    Evan looks more like the Unabomber to me. Danger Margo Magee.

  66. Alter Ego
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    love is… putting on a phone sex performance. Rotary-style!

  67. bats :[
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#48): although it’s been said, many times, many way

  68. Ned Ryerson
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn (Yes, I can’t help myself even though hardly anyone bothers with it, but enough do to make it seem worth an occasional rant): So Mermaid lady, wallowing in the dank sub-basement of the place where all the wormholes eventually lead to is watching (presumably) the Djinn and that Jeanie lady temporary streak through, yep, another wormhole, a sparkly wormhole. Now, which being was the one that was the charred skeleton? I think it was the Jeanie lady who got uncharred (by the magic sparkly power of the wormhole?) and then crotch slammed by the Djinn (the Djinn is the treasure trailed muscular yellow dude, right? Have we established that? Okay, mermaid lady was the friend of yellow guy (because I’m now shying away from djinn as a name, I think that’s what he calls his junk) and they were all comfy in their wading pool until that troll guy summoned yellow guy through a can of soda and asked that a Jeanie replica be fashioned from a video game character that troll guy was tired of stabbing repeatedly in the video game world. There was some dithering about high heels and costuming, everyone was threatened with being chopped up into little pieces, then the charring happened and now this. Am I missing something?

  69. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#68):

    There are a lot of fairies and wormholes, and the fairies are all sexually agressive alpha females who dress in fetish wear. They spend their time flying through the wormholes and ending up in sexually suggestive positions on the other side.

    Simplified your plot summary for you.

  70. bats :[
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#68): When the new storyline started, I resolved to keep the strips and put them in order, on the offchance that the M-F series might make sense if read all at once. I now have 70 or so strips in what I *think* is the correct order, plus a couple that defy organization (and I’m not about to pay gocomics.com or whoever to find the run dates that are several months old). I’ll finish up with this story, but I suspect I’ll have a few more “where the hell do these go?” moments.
    No, I am not making this up. Evidently BMcE is even more of a “Life goes on between the 30 seconds that it takes you to read the strips, you beefwits! You must interpolate/extrapolate/masturbate to realize what a genius I am!” cartoonist than FoobLyn is…

  71. Ned Ryerson
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#69): Shouldn’t there be pianos or dildo?

  72. Evan
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    I don’t know why anyone would question Mary’s cooking chops, when she’s standing right there stirring a steaming pot of inexplicable whiteness.

  73. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-They’re really in love.

    Luann-Haven’t they already done this before?

    Curtis-”Man this reading stuff is hard,” says Curtis.

  74. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Evan (#72):

    I think she is either making glue or that is semen.

  75. Red Greenback
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    “So I’m on the ledge of our apartment building, getting ready to jump 23 floors… but I chickened out.”

    Unfortunately, I’ll be here all week. Try the grubs and don’t forget to tip Roz.

  76. zee
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    I like where this Mary Worth thing is going. I mean, I like that somebody at least has enough of a spine to argue with her. I hope the entire plot involves this guy disagreeing with her and ignoring every bit of advice she gives and then baking an amazing cake and winning first place. The resulting teary mental breakdown where Mary Worth questions her worth will be delicious. Like cake.

  77. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#71):

    Wrong strip. 9CL is the one with the classical musicians, where the male character goes flying through the air and lands between the ballerina’s legs, where all comment on how awkward the situation is, make bawdy jokes, and then he proposes. Pibgorn is the one with the mythical creatures, where the male Djinn goes flying through the air and lands between the fairie’s legs, where all comment on how awkward the situation is, make bawdy jokes, and then we break for a few strips of pure fetish porn that has no relationship to the “plot”, such as it is.

  78. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MW-”Improve my technique? You were the one who was wowed by my cake. You were the one who wanted me to enter this contest. Now you are saying that I need to improve my technique. Well fuck you, Mary.”

  79. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#52): I thought Perez Prado inspired the naming of girls as Engracia (which happens to be my confirmation name).

  80. pugfuggly
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#75):

    “So I’m on the ledge of our apartment building, getting ready to jump 23 floors… but I chickened out.”

    Y’know, to a bird, that’s a pretty racist joke. Fortunately it’s still the ’70s in birdland, so we can let it slide.

  81. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    meanwhile, one reef over from PBS.

    you’re welcome.

    super-s*t just got real.

    best ASM cosplay.

    a message from the fangirls.

    according to legand, corgis were steeds for faeries.

    cute casings for sausage dogs.

  82. Jumbo37364
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Panel 2 of Shoe is where Shoe has a massive heart attack after years of drinking excessively.

  83. Legend of the Arctic
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Umm…. when a bird jumps out a 23rd story window, does that really count as a suicide attempt? I mean, given that he has wings and all?

  84. Voshkod
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    How I’d like the current Mary Worth storyline to end:

    Mr. Dill bakes a magnificent cake, an exact likeness of Mary Worth’s head. Vanilla frosting hair, pink fondant skin, blue gumballs for eyes. He wins the contest easily. As Mary rushes over to congratulate him, Dill sits down with a knife and fork and slowly, deliberately, devours the cake. Bite by bite he reduces the cake head to oblivion, all the while staring at Mary. When he’s done, he rises silently, still staring at Mary, and stalks out.

    Only the two gumballs remains on the plate.

  85. endless sky
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Today’s unanswered questions:

    Pickles: Why do Opal and Earl have a photo of Tom Selleck in their photo album? Do they have a backstory we don’t know about?

    FW: Why are we now following the daily adventures of Crazy Harry and Comic-boy John? Did they negotiate new contracts for more panel time?

  86. Baka Gaijin
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    I started commenting on the COTW-worthy comments. There are too many. Too much interesting snark. Congrats everyone.

  87. W. Sophia Engracia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @endless sky (#85): Let’s have Voshkod write the backstory for Pickles.

  88. Uncle Lumpy
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @endless sky (#85):

    Why are we now following the daily adventures of Crazy Harry and Comic-boy John?

    Because they’re by far the most interesting characters in the strip — the only ones, in fact, who rise to the level “not at all interesting.” The others — Funky, Becky Righty, and certainly Les — actively suck interest out of adjacent characters and situations.

  89. Chareth Cutestory
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#15): “I also apologize to cake fans and would like to thank them for their support during the past few days and throughout my career,” Mary said in an issued statement. “As the cake commissioner acknowledged, our use of sideline video had no impact on the outcome of last week’s contest. We have never used sideline video to obtain a competitive advantage while the cake contest was in progress.”

  90. Uncle Lumpy
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#88):

    Les’s English Lit class sucks interest out of everything published since Beowulf.

  91. Red Greenback
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#80): I apologize for my insensitivity. That “joke” just doesn’t fly in this day and age. I blame the emus… and Andy.

  92. Patrick
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Sorry guy, I can’t sympathize with your story about crippling depression and attempted suicide unless there’s a nagging woman involved.

  93. Cuddleslave
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    SM – I, CUDDLESLAVE vow to terrorize Spiderdouche via telephone during 2013!

  94. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: If you sit through a stranger’s story about his last suicide attempt in bored indifference, but your eyes spring open in shock at his Henny Youngman gag, you just might be a sociopath.

    MT: Could Juan be distracted from his rage by a good spinnerbait? It’s worth a shot.

    FW: You know, alcoholics can drink sparkling cider, or ginger ale, or lemon-lime soda, or any number of beverages that won’t rub everyone’s noses in… Oh, right. Never mind.

    9CL: At least if this were Pibgorn there’d be some chance of an infernal demon materializing on the couch to eat them.

    GA: It’s supposed to say, “All deliveries in rear.”

    Blondie: Dithers’ father used to have Gandhi on staff. Now that guy was a challenge.

    Luann: No one who can induce throttling paranoia in TJ is all bad.

    SSmith: “Haw haw, good one Lukey. Welp, I guess I’d better shoot you in the head now.”

    SFx: There’s no crime in today’s strip. Well dangling your partner in front of a rampaging polar bear probably counts as reckless endangerment,, but what is Slylock supposed to do? Arrest himself?

    OBH: Frank is following the story, even though the casting can’t help but let him down. Ellen is just there for the Michelle Williams nude scene.

    Marvin: This ends with Bitsy eating Marvin, right?

    A3G: Don’t you wonder what’s in the package. Well, if the old Shulock/Bolle dynamic is in place, you’ll never find out.

  95. Shrug, Clearing Up a Leftover 2012 Question
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#yyy1080):
    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#yyy1050):

    the one I remember in particular was one about some aliens who captured a human being for their zoo, and were appalled to discover how tricksy a human could be in trying to escape captivity. Eventually their captive ended up eating a hole in the cell by vomiting on it repeatedly, and made off by stealing a spaceship he’d somehow persuaded them to teach him how to use, leaving the erstwhile captors to lament that there was no way they could have anticipated that these human creatures would be able to produce hydrochloric acid!

    *************

    Good grief — I was just thinking about that story yesterday. He didn’t throw up, however. He sucked on the bar using the acid in his saliva to work through it (the aliens also kept him alive long past his normal best-before date). I remember that at the end the aliens were going through everything the human had done and kept thinking, “But we could have done that,” but the point being that they wouldn’t have thought of it.

    ***********************************
    ***********************************

    And a colleague on my Fictionmags list (librarian of the sf collection at Toronto Public) has now identified this one also: / forwarding /

    #2 is almost certainly Gordon R. Dickson’s In the Bone, collected in a
    short story collection of the same name.

    Lorna Toolis
    Merril Collection

    * In the Bone, (ss) If Oct 1966

    Ancient, My Enemy, Doubleday 1974
    Gordon R. Dickson’s SF Best, Dell 1978
    The Man from Earth, Tor 1983

  96. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#17):

    Mary Worth- How is there even a video of past competitions? Is Santa Royale Local Cable Channel 8 that desperate for filler?

    The joke’s on Mary. She thinks she bought a video of past competitions from a guy on eBay. It’s actually wet and messy kitchen porn.

  97. seismic-2
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: “As God is my witness, I thought old, drunken, grossly obese, featherless birds with bad hairpieces who look like Teddy Kennedy could fly.” – Gordon “23-Story” Jump

  98. Baka Gaijin
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#96): Spatula porn? Salmon Square S&M?

  99. pugfuggly
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#91):

    “I say, Kingfisher….”
    “I’m a pigeon, you dodo!”

  100. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#28): Well, the restaurant has the AC cranked way up.

  101. Shrug, Watching Media Blow Hot and Cold (NASL)
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y57):

    “I don’t see that kind of cognitive dissonance, which Archie is trying to make fun of here, much anymore.”

    Actually, I recall seeing it several times in the local paper, where an interview with a character in a new movie (often a local actor made good, or made semi-good) will talk up how fine hir movie is, only to have it get a bad-to-meh review a page or two further on in the section.

    I also think I noticed this happening a few times in THE ONION when I used to read it. (They no longer distribute it in my area, and I’m not hyped enough on it to follow online.)

  102. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#98): The serving of salmons squares is sadomasochistic by definition.

  103. hogenmogen
    January 3rd, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    The Mary Worth plotline is reaching for the philosophical nature of art, of course. Should art be created in a vacuum, or should it the artist build upon the influence of others? In music, we have the Residents, who shield themselves from the outside world and create music without any knowledge of current trends. In the 60s, the Beach Boys and the Beatles were engaged in a one-upsmanship game that revolutionized music forever. In art, Picasso and Braque created cubism from thier friendly rivalry. Mary Worth needs to resign from Team Dill and go solo if only to create that culture of competition for Mr. Dill. Even if Dill beats her in the cake-off, Mary can claim that she was only trying to get Dill to develop himself. In the meantime, though, I’d love to see strips where Mary catches Dill spying through binoculars into her window. Dill discovers a small pile of white powder on his floor. “Can’t be confectioner’s sugar, I’m only sculpting fondant today. Tastes like …. plaster?” He looks up. There’s a hole drilled into his ceiling with a micro-camera pointed at him. He fills with rage as he realizes that his cartoonish penchant for speaking out loud to himself has been used against him. “Mary! I am filling with rage, realizing that you have used my cartoonish penchant for speaking out loud to myself against me!” He stews momentarily. “I must start using thought bubbles… Darn, I forgot. Darn, forgot again!”

  104. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Amos is a clueless, insensitive, inattentive clod. Edda is, literally, a prima donna, incapable of sustaining interest in a conversation that doesn’t revolve around complimenting her. Other than proximity, what does this relationship have to recommend it, again?

  105. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#97): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf3mgmEdfwg — still one of the classics of TV…

  106. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#80): …to a bird, that’s a pretty racist joke…

    Specieist, to be pedantic about it.

  107. Baka Gaijin
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

  108. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#49):

    C Kennel – Nnnnnope. Don’t get it.

    It’s about whizz. You get it, you just don’t want it.

  109. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (yester/thismorning#141):

    No way! Haven’t seen the movie in years.

  110. Doc Bill
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    RMMD Whining? You call that whining? It’s only the most important event in the cartoonverse since Aldo took a driving lesson.

    Think about it! What “congress” does Rex ever have with June? That’s right, none. He’s more interested in the pool boy but, then so is, coincidentally, June. How many times has June hired a “pool boy” to “clean her garage,” if you get my drift.

    We all know that baby is going to be born with a great tan and a skimmer in one hand.

    So, we have a house full of strippers, one of whom has the hots for Rex, who is gay, clueless surfer dudes who haven’t even seen June yet (can you say Surfer MILF?), and June conveniently “forgetting” to tell Rex she’s up the spout, and the look on Rex’s face as he tries to remember what a spout is and June spending a cartoonverse day (month in our time) flashing camel toe to all of San Diego because everybody in that town runs around in their swimwear.

    Meanwhile, Rex ignores the hot stripper and autographs a dude’s surfboard. Get it? He “autographs” the dude’s “surfboard.” Srsly, this storyline needs its own blog!

  111. hogenmogen
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I like what June is suggesting, that the Morgans make up some crazy story that will keep Melissa uninformed about the activities in her building, while also getting Junior and the Strippers (look for their new CD on K-Tel Records, kids!) off the hook. When Melissa asks questions or requires proof, more zany and wackier stories have to be invented until Melissa is so confused that she finally comes down to see the place herself. The whole tower of lies comes down like a thimblerig and the Morgans sheepishly fess up. Melissa then is supposed to say “Well! I would have supported you all along!” Then there’s a beach party with lots of laughs, Phoenix is miraculously cured, and the credits roll to the swingin’ sound of groovy music.

    Well, that’s how I would write it anyway. Wilson will probably just let Rex tell her the truth, and deny us a sub-plot where Junior and the Strippers have to trick Davey Jones of the Monkees to come to their party.

  112. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Clearing Up a Leftover 2012 Question (#95): Seriously. I admire your scholarship and tenacity.

    // Sadly, you will never be rich.

  113. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @The Restless Mouse (#9):
    He should go to the airport …
    So he can go on a Big Cat Country Safari?

    “Sir! Sir! Don’t jump in the pit!”

  114. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#97): I KNEW someone would make that reference!

  115. Shrug, For a Change
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#112):

    Well, I am rich in tenacity.

    // Anybody able to break a tenacity? I’d like to get a fiveacity and five onceacities.

  116. hogenmogen
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    SM: “I thought a cream puff fell on me! Because that’s all it takes to render me unconscious these days, after those 6 concussions… or was it 8? Wait, how many am I forgetting?”

  117. gleeb
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#111): Davey Jones takes a lot of convincing these days.

  118. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Watching Media Blow Hot and Cold (NASL) (#101): Yes I suppose that still happens, though it’s not so common as it used to be, I think.

    I always thought it was a little dubious that the reporter who has to do the upbeat happy interview, also has to do the honest review of the stinker film. Ought to be separate departments. Not fair to anybody, really.

  119. greghousesgf
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#45):

    TV’S FRANK: Gyuck-gaweee!

  120. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Andy Capp: Maybe the joke is that he’s xenophobic, and only regards Cheddar, Stilton, Wensleydale, or Stinking Bishop… or one of a dozen other English cheeses as being real cheese. If there is one kind of food that Brits, even drunken louts like Andy, are knowledgeable and passionate about, it’s cheese. I can’t believe he’s never heard of mozzarella or brie. // I’ve got a nice piece of Double Gloucestershire with chives in the fridge — hope Mrs. Scudder hasn’t got to it yet — back in a minute.

    Love is…: Rotary dial phone? Even LI is recycling now? — Maybe that’s just a quaint anachronism.

    Non Seq: Hooray Wiley Miller! Pasteur REALLY did say that. “Dans les champs de l’observation le hasard ne favorise que les esprits préparés.”
    First accurate comic strip quotation I’ve seen in weeks.

    // Of course, Louis Pastuer was probably quoting Albert Camus. Or maybe de Selby. (Not Scraps, Muff!)

    Pickles: Mr. & Mrs. Pickles keep a photograph of Tom Selleck in their album? — Probably an old family friend, I guess. My grandmother knew someone who was a friend of Perry Como’s arranger. Degrees of separation, right?

    R=R: Did you know that Brooke McEldowney really admires Pat Brady? Thinks he’s some kind of genius. Huh.

    Tom the Dancing Bug: Yes, I know. But check the bit about God-Man carefully packing clean, precisely folded “G” shirts into his suitcase before his mission. There’s more astute theology in this strip than in most seminary libraries.

    Zippy: Oh, Zippy! You stole my heart again!

  121. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#120): Pasteur.

    // Rotten French language! Can’t even spell their own names right!

  122. pugfuggly
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#106):

    Specieist, to be pedantic about it.

    Well, if we want to get pedantic about it, it’s probably more along the lines of ‘orderist’ to ‘familist’, given the diversity of Neornithes we seem to encounter in this establishment.

    Unless we’re just talking about a bunch of Galapagos Finches making snide remarks about each other’s beaks. That’s pretty speciesist.

  123. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#122): I guess you’re right. As long as they are not cladeists.

    // I hate cladeists. I think everyone should.

  124. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    FW-I’ll take my water mixed with some scotch.

  125. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, For a Change (#115): Anybody able to break a tenacity? I’d like to get a fiveacity and five onceacities.

    Sorry. I can give you twenty cents for a paradigm, if that’ll help.

  126. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#68): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#69): @bats :[ (#70): Three things you need to know in order to make “sense” of Pibgorn (in a meta way, if not in-strip):

    1) The cartoonist has contempt for most of his audience, thinks of himself as an under-appreciated artistic genius, loathes editors, and has isolated himself from all but positive feedback.

    2) He’s clearly got some weird sexual fetishes, which tend to focus on female characters’ legs, said female characters getting skewered or fried, and said female characters being inexplicably drawn to nebbishes who wear glasses.

    3) He has a short attention span, and will go haring after digressions if he finds them interesting to draw, regardless of whether it makes sense to the plot. See also (1) and (2).

    It’s clear from his older strips that the lack of an objective editorial hand is the biggest problem here; the man is incapable of self-editing effectively, and thus the results that you see.

  127. Lurker Steve
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    MT: Holy crap! Mark is going to take Juan out with a fishing rod! So that guy from the NRA was wrong…the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a fishing rod! I expect we’ll see fishing rod sales sky rocket after the public gets wind of this.

  128. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    On that note, I have to say that today’s 9CL skeeves me more than usual, and even surpasses Pibgorn levels of ick, which takes some doing. Edda broke into Amos’s apartment, had sex with him while he was asleep or barely conscious, snuck out, and is now gaslighting him into thinking it was all a dream… and she’s now offended that he doesn’t think of her as particularly seductive.

    Dude. At best, your fiancé trespassed and sexually assaulted you; at worst she raped you. And regardless, she thinks that there’s nothing wrong with it and finds it amusing to persuade you that you imagined it all. YUCK.

    And even if we buy the skeevy and dubious morals of this strip regarding sexuality (which, ugh, no), here’s a practical one: we know this couple is shit-for-brains when it comes to contraception, and I can’t imagine that improved at all, not when one character thinks he was just dreaming the whole thing. So when she ends up pregnant – this time for real – how exactly does she plan on explaining it?

  129. Baka Gaijin
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#120): Well, don’t keep us waiting. Is the cheese there?

  130. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

  131. Calico
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Yay! Mary’s in full meddle mode again!
    Honestly, I’m kind of excited by this whole cakey drama. Does that make me a Plugger, California-style?

  132. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#125): Bad-dum-PSSh!

  133. Calico
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    Well, I prdicted it to my gf 10 minutes ago – the young Tortie cat would climb up on the palm-type plant that I’m trying to save in the upstairs hallway and knock it over. She loves to pluck the dying fronds off but they are now all out of her reach.
    Yep, that’s exactly what she did do. Good news is the dirt is mostly on the wood hall floor, and didn’t tumble down the steps (we have open-backed stairs).

  134. dodoman1
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#126): Pibgorn is written and drawn by a woman. Brooke McEldowney. Your points may or may not still be valid, regardless; I don’t know that much about her or her strips.

    On a side note, here’s yet another Shoe that hinges on its audience not remembering that the characters are all birds who can fly.

  135. Calico
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#1):
    Hahaha!
    Yes, most birds do fly, don’t they?
    These legacy strips just keep getting sadder and more stupid. As Steve Allen once said (and titled a book with the same phrase), “Dumbth.”

  136. exapno
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#133):

    Torties are persistent little buggers – we’ve had one for about 6 years now, and have given up trying to have plants – including a Christmas Tree – around the house for a long time now.

    On the other hand, they are also among the more affectionate kitties around..

  137. Ralph
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    RM: I really hate color in my daily comics, and it’s especially obnoxious in this one. Aside from the color, the drawing is screwed up. If intentional, it looks like a wide-angle lenses way too close. If unintentional, it looks like really bad drawing. In any event, RM is by far the best of the soap opera strips. I am regularly bemused at the obsession of Josh and some posters with labeling all white guys in suits as homosexuals. Apparently there was some twist in the cultural fabric that I missed, and I’m glad of it.
    A3G can be entertaining, but I only read it when Josh shows me that something vaguely interesting is going on. I can’t remember a time when the strip gave any impression of being set in a major city, let alone NYC.
    JP seems to exist to provide an outlet for hating rich people and ogling really nicely drawn large breasts.
    FW: Boomer soap opera. What happens when a strip hangs on and on, fills up with incidental characters who also hang on and on, and is drawn by a talented guy who attempts to be a pc social activist. Oh, and who apparently seriously needs some anti-depressant medication. Finally, it wasn’t all that funny back when it was supposed to be funny.

  138. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#129): (nom nom nom)

  139. FafMor7
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    There’s got to be a happy medium in comic action strip pacing between Phantom’s “Let’s play vet for 3 months” and Dick Tracy’s “If you blinked, you missed the gun fight”.

  140. Anonymous
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-What I don’t understand is all the acclaim being heaped on Dr Rex for merely doing his job. So he saved a woman from having a heart attack. Isn’t that what paramedics and doctors do everyday? And why does June run around in a see-through beach coat? She wore the same get-up on the cruise she took.

  141. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#128): Just reading the last three 9CL, if not for the comments here, I’d never figure out what was going on. Seems like he missed a strip or a few panels in between. To me, it looks like they had sex and somehow he was able to be convinced that he dreamed it – not so much that she sneaked in or had some kind of non-consensual activity. Which makes it even more stupid.

  142. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @dodoman1 (#134): I don’t know that much about her or her strips.

    !

    // Newbie? Troll?

  143. Dave Dahl
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    There is apparently a lot riding on it …

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yI73V1C_i3U

  144. Calico
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @exapno (#136):
    They have what some folks call “Tortitude.”
    She is almost 3, and still getting into mischief. We love her like crazy.
    When I was sweeping the dirt up, she gave me the most angelic look – I never yell when something like this happens – but she made me laugh with the plaintiveness of the whole “Ida Know – Not me!” scenario.
    As long as they don’t hurt themselves, their antics are generally ok.

  145. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#142):

    Until someone informed me here, I thought Brooke McSoandso was a woman, too. I had no idea.

    //but, i try not to read his stuff.

  146. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#128):

    Wow, I hadn’t really figured out what was supposed to be going on. We came in the middle (heh), with her lying in bed, getting up, sneaking out, then knocking on the door. I thought maybe the whole thing was an extended dream sequence, or that they had simply been literally (and not figuratively) sleeping together. But your interpretation makes the most sense. At least it is in character for Edda, both to pull a stunt such as that, and then subsequently to become distracted by her need for a constant stream of flattery and fail to keep up the ruse.

    Of course, she is a Burber, and thus above mere human conceptions of sexual assault. Merely being a Burber implies male consent at all times.

  147. sally
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I was too distracted by her nose to even notice her breasts until you pointed them out, Josh. Thanks!

  148. bbofun
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    I’m going to postulate an alternative explanation for this week’s 9CL, so bear with me.

    New Year’s Eve (actually the Jan. 1 strip) we see Edda and Amos (Edda is dressed as she is now, so I’m assuming it’s “last night” in strip time) passionately kissing. The next morning, Edda sneaks out, and immediately knocks on Amos’ door, waking him. He mentions a dream he had with her in it. Today, as they discuss it, amos insults her- or, rather, the Edda in his dream.

    I think Amos knows very well that it wasn’t a dream, and that they both broke their “chastity vow”, and is giving them a way out- and having a little fun at Edda’s expense, given that she WAS the aggressor, and that she sneaked (aw, hell- SNUCK! I said it, and I’m not taking it back! SNUCK SNUCK SNUCK!) out on him.

    On the other hand- nah, there’s no way this strip would be that clever.

  149. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    MW – The main ingredient in Mr Dill’s bread would be called…wait for it…DILL DOUGH!

    Week, waitress, veal….

  150. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#145): I find Greg Evans writing Luann, and Pat Brady writing Rose is Rose, very odd. Brady at least does a reasonable job getting the (neurotic) feminine right. Then again, I’ve heard that Jim Davis has never had a cat. Similarly, Brooke perhaps has never had a woman.

  151. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#145): I suppose I should grant the benefit of the doubt… but I don’t think you or I, or any of the regulars here, would make an unqualified statement of “fact” like that without taking the precaution of a simple google-search.

  152. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#150):
    I’ve heard that Jim Davis has never had a cat

    I’ve heard he daily drinks a mixture of Gin and cat juices until he becomes catatonic!

  153. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#141):

    That is why it is confusing – we opened this scene with them lying in bed together, with no idea how they got there.

    The strip for the day before ( http://www.chron.com/entertainment/comics-games/comic/9-Chickweed-Lane/43071/2013-01-01.php ) just seemed like a typical one-off “heh heh, he can’t resist Edda”. But if that was actually the lead in to them waking up together, it would follow the in-strip logic that Amos becomes so disoriented and intoxicated by sex with Edda that he only awakens hours later, often in an awkward position stuck in the sofa cushions or lying on the floor, with only a vague memory of what has happened.

    So, the plot was: Edda shows up at his door, comes on to him, has sex with him, wakes up next to him hours later, slips out into the hallway, and knocks on the door. Amos answers, thinking everything was a dream, and Edda gaslights him into continuing to believe it, until she learns that, in his memory, she was neither the agressor nor particularly attractive.

    Unless large quantities of alcohol or crystal meth were involved on Amos’ side, then he really needs to see a doctor about his condition.

  154. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @zee (#76):

    like where this Mary Worth thing is going. I mean, I like that somebody at least has enough of a spine to argue with her. I hope the entire plot involves this guy disagreeing with her and ignoring every bit of advice she gives and then baking an amazing cake and winning first place. The resulting teary mental breakdown where Mary Worth questions her worth will be delicious. Like cake.

    Me, too. I’m hoping Dill is a take charge kind of guy. After all, Mary signed on as his assistant, not his coach, not his trainer, not his advisor, not his esthetic critic. She’s his assistant and should just do as Dill tells her: “More fondant, mule!”

  155. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#151):

    True. The same can be said for much of the “social” web.
    Upon reading the comment, it seemed like @Sophia Pygea (#141): was reading that stuff with the same assumption I made when I never bothered reading the strip, or the second strip, Pigborn.

    So, I gave ‘em the benefit of the doubt. No harm, no fowl (which is also the advice I provide birds who are down on their luck when I visit bird bars!)

  156. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#155):
    Oh noes! I don’t mean to make it sound like I’m the sole reason for birds trying to off themselves!
    I blame Heathcliff!

  157. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#148): That is a clever interpretation. And a lot of work for the cartoonist to ask his audience to do, to figure it out. So unless he comes up with some explication, I’m going to say he was ham-handed, not to say beef-witted.

  158. Baka Gaijin
    January 3rd, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#131): Plugger? No. Mary Worth groupie? Maybe. Dessert lover? Yes.

  159. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#152): I’ve heard that Jim Davis has never had a cat

    I’ve heard he daily drinks a mixture of Gin and cat juices until he becomes catatonic!

    That’s what DeSelby said. Camus, as you might guess, has a different story.

  160. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#157):
    I’m going to say he was ham-handed, not to say beef-witted.

    I don’t know who or what you are referring to, but, I am going to say he was chicken-nuggeted!

  161. bbofun
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#154): I’m worried that, yes, Dill will be very much his own man, and reject Mary’s advice- but that will lead to his defeat (and possible humiliation- “look at his pathetic round later cake! doesn’t he know that’s so 1969?”), leading him to realize that the only path of righteousness is the path of Mary.

  162. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: This makes no sense other than an excuse to draw his characters in slinky, revealing outfits. Which is pretty odd, since they’re basically drawn nekkid otherwise.

    Oh look, here’s his wikipedia entry:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brooke_McEldowney

    You can help wikipedia by expanding it.

  163. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#159):
    That’s what DeSelby said

    Sometimes de selby date isn’t an indication of something having “gone bad”.

    Unlike that rogue roquefort I ate the other day.

  164. Downpuppy
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#146): I choose to believe that Amos is fully aware & taunting Edda.

    If you want to tell me why this is wrong NA NA CAN’T HEAR please wait until tomorrow, when you can do the full Nelson Muntz.

  165. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#160): You are a light-hearted person. How do you say it in English, you have birds on the brain?

  166. Poteet
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — I am still annoyed that Melissa has been turned into the highly-unpleasant rich woman we recently met. And I don’t see the point, because the young whippersnappers who read the strip (all fifty-seven of you) are too young to remember the real Melissa, and most of us cane-waving oldtimers are, I’d bet, not at all happy with Melissa’s transformation. If an unpleasant elderly rich woman was needed for RMMD, why not create a new one with an interesting back story and let the real Melissa rest in peace? Real Melissa wasn’t exactly fun on wheels, but to me, she looks real good compared to the Cruella DeVil wanna-be who has taken over the role. New Melissa, BAH!! *slams cane on floor, stomps away.*

  167. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#162): They are not naked, they are only drawn that way.

  168. Downpuppy
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Rx Migraine suddenly makes sense! Rex is blotto & we’re seeing the world spinning through his eyes.

  169. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    re Brooke Mceldowney — Out of curiosity, I visited http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brooke_McEldowney … here’s what I conclude:

    1) No, he doesn’t look like a pervert or a sex fiend. He looks more like professor friend of mine (recently departed, unfortunately) who’s most memorable attribute was that he was a practicing Hindu.

    2) Amos is his alter-ego. No, seriously. Read the “Early Life” section on the wiki. Too many similarities to be a coincidence.

  170. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#166): I picture Agatha Crumm as Melissa. Also, going back to the first panel in RMMD today: gee, Kate Winslet is looking rough these days, isn’t she?

  171. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#161):

    … the Path of Mary.

    I like that. It sounds like an old-fashioned soap opera. Or a cult.

  172. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Listen, Dill, when you team up with me I am in charge and you have to do everything I tell you. The name of this strip is ‘Mary Worth’ not ‘Unknown First Name Dill.”

  173. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#155): when I visit bird bars…

    Dost tarry much in bird bars, thou,
    Or hang out in the Pooch Cafe,
    Or Zippy’s diner, anyhow,
    To pass the time of day?
    Although I fear I am too old,
    Nor myrmidon nor goon,
    I’d like to hang with Leopold
    In Scary Gary’s henchman saloon.

  174. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#172): Perhaps Dill is his first name. Perhaps in his younger years he looked more like Tom Selleck. Perhaps he is..Dill Pickles.

  175. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    MT-We need that money for food and medicine and supplies.

  176. TheDiva
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#146): My initial impression was that it was a dream, and the strip is playing with perspective by blurring the lines between “dream Edda” and “real Edda.” Knowing Brooke, he’s probably patting himself on the back for being maddeningly unclear as to what the Hell is going on here, which he assumes makes him clever and mysterious and such. But it appears we’ve narrowed it down to the following options:

    a) A man cannot have sex with his fiancee for bizarre self-imposed reasons, and is having ultra-steamy dreams as a result of the resulting case of blue balls.
    b) A woman cannot cope with said bizarre self-imposed celibacy (because woman are lustful temptresses, ya know) and is banging her semi-conscious boyfriend and leading him to believe it was all a dream.
    c) Neither person can cope with said bizarre self-imposed celibacy, but don’t want to admit they have the willpower of a wet noodle, and have established this bizarre charade as a means of getting around it.

    All of which end up pointing to one conclusion: Brooke McEldowney is a sad, strange little man and deserves our pity.

  177. Ask me who I was
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#173): “Although I fear I am too old,
    Nor myrmidon nor goon” – Check. Check. Check.

  178. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn often (like today) has some lovely art, and “djinn djoint” was fairly good (although the second “dj” irritated me and half-ruined the pun). But there’s no continuity or coherent story way too often, and his characters are deeply unpleasant people.

    As I said last night, Mark is going to cast, hook the rifle, and pull it out of Bluto’s hand. Only slightly more stupid than the usual MT storyline.

  179. Baka Gaijin
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#154): “More fondant, Mule!” Next thing heard from Charterstone is a skyscraper-rattling SLAP!!!! as Mrs. Worth teaches Mr. Dill that she doesn’t take lip from nobody.

  180. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#176): Are we not rewarding the man with all this attention? (Also, may I point out in commenting on your post, ‘wet noodle syndrome’ would have spared us this whole sordid arc.)

  181. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#174):

    I think of Dill as Mr. Whipple.

  182. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-”I’ve snorted cocaine that was stronger. I’ve got blowjobs from hookers that were more powerful.”

  183. Shrug, Unlocking a Memory
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#38):

    “I’m not sure how to convey to a resident of Friendship (pop. 2,004) how negligent leaving your apartment unlocked in Manhattan would be.”

    Many years ago, two colleagues and I were passing through Moorhead, MN on a drive up to Canada, and had arranged to crash overnight at the house of a former classmate of mine. When we got there and rang the doorbell, no answer, and the house was dark. We adjourned to a nearby bar and called every few minutes for a couple of hours until we connected (this was before cell phones). He bemusedly told us that we needn’t have done all that, since he’d left the house unlocked for us. As he did “all the time.”

    Coming from Minneapolis (not New-York-level crimeridden, but enough Pollyanna City either), it had literally not at any point occured to any of the three of us to try the door.

    (Moorhead wasn’t/isn’t Friendship-level small, either. With its sister city of Fargo, the metro area was at least well over 50,000.)

    Still shaking my head at the memory.

  184. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Didn’t that woman in the first panel model for Picasso?

    RMMD 2-Why would a lonely and bitter old woman want to help a bunch of sexy young strippers?

  185. seismic-2
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

  186. Shrug, For Whom Puns are His Bread and Butter
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#55):

    “MW: Mr. Dill is in a real pickle now!”

    Sweet.

    But anyone with half a brine would have known better than to contradict Mary Worth.

  187. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#179):

    Next thing heard from Charterstone is a skyscraper-rattling SLAP!!!! as Mrs. Worth teaches Mr. Dill that she doesn’t take lip from nobody.

    Delivered with a hot glop-laden spoon. No, I wouldn’t want to experience that, either.
    I sure hope that as Dill’s ego grows, he’ll start sporting a chef’s toque.

  188. KreatureFeatures
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#1): It’s a good day when the very first comment makes me laugh.

  189. Shrug, Contemplating Vidiots
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#59):

    “They have backtape of previous cake contests?”

    Well, it *was* originally just tape, but the BluRay release came out last week.

    /// On a big screen, you can see every pore on the frosting.

  190. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 3rd, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Oh I have been to Chickweed fair
    And left my cello God knows where,
    And carried half way home, or near,
    My best expression, a snarling sneer:
    Then the world seemed none so bad,
    And I myself a nebbishy lad;
    And down in Burber muck I’d lain,
    Insensate, till I woke again.
    Then I saw the morning sky:
    Heigho, the tale was all a lie;
    My willie, it had not became wet,
    I was I, free of Edda’s net,
    And nothing now remained to do
    But begin the game anew.

  191. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Won’t you take me to Funky Town?

    Gotta make a move to a town
    That’s full of jerks
    With smug, obnoxious smirks
    Keep me Groovin in perpetual misery.

    Won’t you take me to Funky Town?

  192. Calico
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

  193. Doctor Handsome
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    “Melissa might want to help. You know, give us a boat or something.”

  194. TJ
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Here it is folks; for the first time In Shoe’s history the “Appalled shock” expression has been used in an appropriate scenario. Enjoy it while you can, the next time you’ll see it is in response to someone complaining about the weather.

  195. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#165):

    Perhaps that is the bird-en I carry.

  196. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @TJ (#194): and he comically drops his cigar. I never saw that before as part of the ‘google eyes of horror’ visual.

  197. Sophia Pygea
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#195): Ha, ha! This English and her homophones!
    //What is problem that Westbourough Baptist peoples have with homophones? Why God hate them?

  198. Shrug, Saying Rogers and Out for a While
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#120):

    “R=R: Did you know that Brooke McEldowney really admires Pat Brady? Thinks he’s some kind of genius. Huh.”

    Well, I wouldn’t go as far as “genius,” but I did think he was pretty clever, getting to ride around in a jeep while Roy and Dale had to ride horses.

    // Note the slye reference there to Roy. . .

  199. Baka Gaijin
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#187): I know napalm sticks to children. Does hot glop stick to old nerds?

    @Shrug, Contemplating Vidiots (#189): I’ve never really looked. Frosting has pores. You learn something new every day.

    @Shrug, Saying Rogers and Out for a While (#198): Nellybelle. That jeep had personality.

  200. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#192): I think maybe they had a different Mary in mind.

  201. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#199): Like fondant to frosting.

  202. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#197):

    What is problem that Westbourough Baptist peoples have with homophones? Why God hate them?
    They do tend to get furious about sound, don’t they?

    @Shrug, Saying Rogers and Out for a While (#198):

    Pat Brady is a dude? Well, that means yet another bird was killed with that stone.

    (conspiracy theorists all know of the “single stone theory”)

  203. Jasper
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    MW- Too bad, I just checked with the Santa Royale Family Video store and all of the videos from past cake contests are rented out.

    Who’s holding the spoon in Panel 2. And is it? Why, yes it is, cum soup.

  204. Calico
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#203):
    Jizz chowdah. Ugh.

  205. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 3rd, 2013 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#79): He might have. I’ve heard of Patricia, though, and it was on the U.S. charts for months, according to, well, some guy on the internet, around 1958. (Prado also engaged in a friendly duel on TV with Spike Jones, which can be seen on YouTube.)

    @seismic-2 (#97): It’s the attribution that makes this. +1

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#108): Oh, god, really? The joke is “that dog climbs a ladder up to that box so he can piss on the other dogs”? All this was covered pretty thoroughly in four panels back in the 70s (“Chicken Fat Freddy’s PET” from Bijou #8), and further exploration seems pretty redundant.

    @Lurker Steve (#127): Holy crap! Mark is going to take Juan out with a fishing rod!
    He heard somebody say Juan was packing a rod, and said, “Hey! I have one of those! This will be a fair fight after all!”

    Shrug and Baka: “Whoa-oa-oa Nellybelle!” Aw, we loved those as kids. I have some on DVD. I saw the Sons of the Pioneers in a western on Turner recently, as a sort of clown troupe off to the side of the main action, and Pat was the clown of the clowns, lazy and eccentric and couldn’t paint a building worth a darn.

  206. bats :[
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure what the ruckus is with the woman in RMMD Panel 1. She reminded me of actor Nia Vardalos (post-chunky).

  207. bbofun
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#169): I enjoy that both Brooke’s degree and award merit a [citation needed]= both for the (small) possibility that they don’t exist, and the plug for Josh’s book.

  208. seismic-2
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Rex can further his local-hero medical rescue status by curing Miss Tighty-Whitey in the first panel of her acromegaly. I would suggest making it easier for her to breathe by removing that confining garment. I doubt that this would help her glandular problem any, but I would still recommend it anyway.

  209. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#190): Quick, lads! Hook up the dyanamo to Mr. Housman’s coffin – we’ve got megawatts of free electricity for the taking!

  210. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#202): I was just reading Evelyn Waugh’s A Handful of Dust. Very funny, but not as good as her other comic masterpiece, Scoop.

  211. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#209): Dyanamos are even betterer than dynamos!

  212. Peanut Gallery
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#145): There’s a street near me named Whispering Brooke Drive. Every time I see that sign, I wonder who Whispering Brooke was.

  213. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#212): On a quiet autumn night you can hear the brook(e) murmuring: “I am a genius!” and “Those beefwits just can’t appreciate me!”

  214. Calico
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#206):
    She sort of reminds me of Gloria Estefan, with Chef Ann Burrell lips/makeup.

  215. seismic-2
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#210): I thought A Handful of Dust was written, appropriately enough, by George Sand. Of course it wasn’t as good as his comedic masterpiece, The Adventures of Kitty Litter.

  216. demoncat
    January 3rd, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    mw really dill did you not know mary wants the tapes as black mail of the judges and other contestants part of her plan for you to win. shoe. guess the guys wife must really loved him to be worried about the fashion statement his corpse would make.

  217. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 3rd, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#210): Hard cheese on Tony.

  218. bats :[
    January 3rd, 2013 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#211): that Dyanamo Shore sure could sing! And golf!

  219. Mibbitmaker
    January 3rd, 2013 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#126): In regards to McE and editors — and ONLY in that way — Brooke McEldowney is the John Kricfalusi of the comics page (see classic Ren & Stimpy vs. “Adult Cartoon Party”)

  220. Red Greenback
    January 3rd, 2013 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    I tell ya, life ain’t easy for a boy named Brooke.

  221. Mibbitmaker
    January 3rd, 2013 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#176):

    Knowing Brooke, he’s probably patting himself on the back

    ….Among other places.

  222. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#217): I believe that was Waugh’s alternative title.

  223. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 3rd, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    The phrase hit me like a punch in the gut 30 years ago when I read it.

  224. Uncle Lumpy
    January 3rd, 2013 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#212):

    Heard on Whispering Brooke Drive:

    SssssssssExxxssssss

  225. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 3rd, 2013 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Say, Agnes is filthy today, huh?

  226. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#225): I was so shamed I went and put pants on my ears.

  227. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 3rd, 2013 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    The phrase “They’re pink, squishy and have little folds around a hole” could possibly be interpreted in a sexual way.

  228. Ukulele Ike
    January 3rd, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#176): “Brooke McEldowney is a sad, strange little man and deserves our pity.”

    Not true! Brooke is WELL over six feet tall.

    RMMD: I assumed that the woman in the first panel was the brown-haired stripper (Ginger?), who also wears a tight white tee shirt, and had merely caught her face in a Cuban sandwich press.

    N. Scudder: The aroma of Double Gloucester, with chive and onion, makes that of Limburger seem like freshly-picked violets.

  229. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 3rd, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#213): Babbling, I’m sure.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#210): I read that too. I was surprised to recognize the last chapter, which I’d always seen presented as a short story. Somehow, I missed the comic aspect of it all — mostly seemed to be saying “Life sucks.” Perhaps I missed the sound track of amused trombones. Vile Bodies seemed more risible. The Loved One is probably the most comic of all, setting up and knocking down a rather vile, but hilarious, punch line.

  230. seismic-2
    January 3rd, 2013 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#227): Only by beefwits, of course.

  231. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#227):

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#226):

    Is that comic considered lobe-row humor?

  232. Zerowolf
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#69): There are a lot of fairies and wormholes, and the fairies all sexually agressive alpha females who dress in fetish wear

    Not necessarily….. Prefectly safe for work, but probably not for Baka Gaijan

  233. Mr Frog
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    DT: “Sure, Cinn, you’ve been running around town brandishing a large double-edged sword at criminals in the name of your personal definition of justice, but until I actually see you dismember someone in front of me, I’m gonna go on assuming it’s a papier-mâché Halloween prop. Happy vigilante-ing!”

    So… how many bottles of Burgundy and/or paper bags were required to get Rex to impregnate June?

  234. Monica
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Shoe: So, you’re a bird…you want to commit suicide…and you’re jumping off a ledge? There’s a flaw in that logic somewhere.

  235. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#229): … as a short story

    I know I had read the part about the guy in the Amazon holding Tony as his guest/prisoner, and forcing him to read Dickens over and over, as a short story in a sci-fi fantasy magazine or anthology. Decades ago. I was really creeped out about it.

  236. Zerowolf
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @Mr Frog (#233): Remember Toots? About a year and a half ago our time, so that’s just about six weeks in RMMD universe time

  237. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    N. Scudder: the short story was written first, and the novel written to get Tony to that hut. According to the internet.

  238. Jamoche
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    Wouldn’t a bird commit suicide by flying into a building’s glass windows, not jumping off it?

  239. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 3rd, 2013 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#218): her cousin, Dynamo Humm, was renowned for “other” things.

  240. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @Jamoche (#238):

    Either way is probably pane-ful.

  241. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

  242. endless sky
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Has no one mentioned the dozing bird-man on the left in panel one? I’d like to think that the shocking punch line caused him to tumble out the open window, mug in wing(or whatever that appendage is).

  243. Poteet
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#190): Thank you, that was great. And I somehow think Housman wouldn’t mind.

  244. Voshkod
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Shouldn’t a bird commit suicide by running into Aldo Kelrast, who looks like Capt. Kangaroo?

  245. Midtown
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    MW: Of course Mary is ignoring what Mr. Dill is saying. She obviously gets poor reception on her cell phone, indicated by the crackly edges of his voice balloons.

  246. Downpuppy
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#239): If memory serves, the woman of interest was her sister.

  247. Aviatrix
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “but your readers know what they want, and they want women with prominent breasts” and, for some reason, noses.

    @Lenoxus (#6): What if @nescio (#1) is right? What if being poised on the ledge of the 23rd floor was just bird guy on his way to the bar, and the real joke is the fact that we readers were set up to interpret it as a suicide attempt? If so it’s badly told, plus that would mean the humour in Shoe was too subtle for me, but isn’t that better than assuming we’re supposed to laugh at this bird trying to off himself? And then @pugfuggly (#8) finds the real joke: subtle and dark. You know how sometimes you read a webcomic for months before you learn there’s a hidden message in every one, and you have to go back through the archives and mouse over the right spot to read them all? I fear now that Shoe has been a masterpiece of dark subtle humour all along, hiding the true jokes under pathetic birds saying predictable things to one another. But I can’t bring myself to re-read any of them to check.

    @Sophia Pygea (#12): Tragically similar and true story regarding my real life name. My parents subscribed to National Geographic. There are animals that produce offspring even more hideous than human infants.

    @Shrug, Clearing Up a Leftover 2012 Question (#95): I applaud your finding the story, and I remember Lorna Toolis from back when she ran the Spaced Out Library (they had to change the name in order to be taken seriously when applying for preservation funding). I have a hard bitter spot for all stories where aliens determine that humans are too special to be enslaved. I don’t know why it bugs me so much, perhaps because it denies the reality and humanity of so many humans who are enslaved.

  248. Majicou
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Well, thanks a lot for ruining ears for me, Cochran.

  249. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth:
    The more that I read today’s comic strip, the more that I’m reminded that Mary is encouraging Mister Pistachio Mustachio to show his “cakes to the world”.

    Of course, that is because she, primarily, wants to see his “cakes”. Now, based upon that dirty old woman’s latest strip where she dominates the phone conversation, it would seem like when Mary mentions “past contests” she is actually speaking of recorded past sexcapades Mister Mustachio needs to familiarize himself with prior to partnering up with Mary.

    It only stands to reason, right?

  250. Midtown
    January 3rd, 2013 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#249): You’re right. If anyone read today’s strip with no other context, that would be a logical interpretation. Mary thinks Dill may need help with his “technique.”

  251. The Cute Little Pig From the Farm Down the Road
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Don’t eat bacon.

  252. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#246): “who was a little bit dumb.”

  253. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

  254. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Midtown (#250):

    Yup.
    It is right there in black and white.
    She says what she means and means what she says.

    //though, on a side note, I do think that her stovetop concoction is neither nefarious nor is it nasty nasty. As I brought up a day or two ago, she’s probably just making the glaze for her famous Elmer’s Glue Sticky Buns.

    Admittedly, that is less disturbing than other things she could be making.

  255. The Cute Little Pig From the Farm Down the Road
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

  256. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @The Cute Little Pig From the Farm Down the Road (#251):

    You are living in our world. Either you cough up the bacon or start building little, wolf-proof houses.

    Your choice, you sweet widdle porky pie, you!

  257. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#247):

    RMMD: “but your readers know what they want, and they want women with prominent breasts” and, for some reason, noses.

    Hasn’t hurt Anne Hathaway any.

  258. Liam
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    MW-Doesn’t YouTube have a channel devoted to past Santa Royale cake decorating contests? I think it might be one of their most popular channels too.

  259. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#258):
    Yeah. I think it is called “Frosting the Old Man”.

  260. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#237): Ah! The Man Who Liked Dickens. That was it.

  261. bbofun
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Guys! Guys! I just realized- the bird in Shoe said he was going to commit suicide by jumping off the ledge of a tall building! That’s ridiculous! Everyone knows there are no tall buildings in the SHOE-niverse- just tall trees with furniture in the branches!

    I mean, c’mon!

  262. tallyHO
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#259):

    Now I can’t get the theme song out of my head:

    With a corn cob piping/
    and a button rose/
    and two eyes made out of whoa!/

  263. Moms Mabley
    January 3rd, 2013 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

  264. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    @dodoman1 (#134): Brooke is a he.

  265. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @Ask me who I was (#177): Ok. I’ll bite. Who was you?

  266. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#264): I *think* that was a joke.

  267. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    @Moms Mabley (#263):
    How about this little brain worm?

    // So sorry about that! Gangnam Style!

  268. Moms Mabley
    January 3rd, 2013 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#267): I’ll being singing that all night long to my ugly man. Meanwhile, let ol’ Moms talk to you.

  269. Droopy Says
    January 4th, 2013 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: It’s too late to root for for the Mayan Apocalypse, Jameson, but call NASA and ask if they have a good asteroid handy.

    Spiderdick, again: Kraven has the speed of a cheetah, the strength of a rhinoceros, the jawbone of an ass, the brain of a flea, the stench of a dead skunk and the hairdo of a hack newspaper editor. Is there anything human about Kraven?

    Funky whatever: “Shine up”? Is she going to use Lemon Pledge on Flunky? Because he seems pretty wooden.

    Family Circus: Wear the bad jacket, kid. Maybe you’ll get recruited by a gang of bikers.

    Mock Travail: Juan is keyed up, has the rifle’s ouchy end pointed at Otto, and has his finger on the trigger. What could go wrong when the small hook on that light line snags his exposed arm?

    Pluggers: I read that as “wind fart,” which would explain both the Plugger’s self-satisfied smile and the absence of other animals.

    Phantom: The lionness would wake up a lot faster if you stopped talking to her, Ghost-Who-Bores.

  270. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 4th, 2013 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    Crank: Anyone can pinch out one lame, desultory joke about Christmas shirt pins. Tom Batiuk can do TWO. It’s called writing, ladies and gentlemen.

  271. Grand Master Nick
    January 4th, 2013 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    Chillin’ in the Hamptons with my homey boy Gatsby
    Sippin’ G&Ts and all those moneylovin’ cats be
    Lightin’ butts with Benjamins and golfin’ on the fair-a-way
    I’m livin’ the high life or my name it isn’t Caraway.

  272. Shrug, With One of the 31 Original Bad Jokes
    January 4th, 2013 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#206):

    “Nia Vardalos (post-chunky).”

    Sounds like an interesting flavor, but my Baskin-Robbins doesn’t seem to carry it.

  273. Shrug, No Holds Barred and No Bars Holding Him
    January 4th, 2013 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#247):

    “I have a hard bitter spot for all stories where aliens determine that humans are too special to be enslaved. I don’t know why it bugs me so much, perhaps because it denies the reality and humanity of so many humans who are enslaved.”

    The most ironic use of this trope I know of is “The Cage” by A. Bertram Chandler, with a perfect last-line summation of all that…

  274. Shrug, Being Rather a Handful
    January 4th, 2013 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#235):

    “The Man Who Liked Dickens” was first published in HEARST’S INTERNATIONAL magazine for September 1933; A HANDFUL OF DUST in 1934.

    Like you, I first encountered the short story in an sf magazine or anthology, and like you I can’t offhand remember which one. (I’ll check tomorrow; the reference books I need are downstairs and I’d probably wake up the sleeping Mrs. Shrug if I went galumphing through them right now.)

    Waugh showed nice predictive powers there, didn’t he? Of course anyone who was fanatical about reading was bound to wind up at Amazon. . . .

  275. Aviatrix
    January 4th, 2013 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, No Holds Barred and No Bars Holding Him (#273): I enjoy the “must figure out how to prove intelligence to alien captors” trope, even in the most cheesy of circumstances (Planet of the Apes!) so it’s okay, albeit unrealistic when the aliens let the humans go for being intelligent. It’s when humans are deemed too special and noble for slavery that I want to chain up the special, noble author and have elephants stomp on them.

  276. Majicou
    January 4th, 2013 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#275): What about Gene Roddenberry’s take, where the aliens decide that humans are too violent and savage to be kept in slavery?

  277. tallyHO
    January 4th, 2013 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail (The Fisher Sling);

    Mistopher Snuffity Smif (spoiler alert!);

    Apart. Three Gee Whiz: The Stalker’s Confusion;

    Spudder Man vs. Nature Boy Fuzzy Mustache;

    Dick (Batman?) Tracy;

    Plug (anti-green energy/pro-tacky anything) gers;

    Mary (sticky, gooey, frosting coated, pineapple upside down with a monogrammed M) Worth;

    Blondie’s Husband’s Addictive Personality;

    Hi and Lois and the All Encroaching Darkness That Surrounds Them and Makes Them Start Snapping Their Fingers Like Suburban Beatniks Waiting For Their Mini-Van To Get Its Tires Studded, part 3589

    What the Freaky Friday?

    //i can’t think of anything to say about those strips. the serial ones are silly with their daily device of showing a character breathing while barely allowing the story, as thin as it is, progress. the joke-a-day ones are just this close to pushing up Daisy and setting up a cage match with Daisy and Marmaduke, with Heathcliff as a referee (he works for Ziggy’s Pets on a Plate). This close, i say. And, yet, so very far away from anything else they could show daily. You know, something funny ha ha.

  278. seismic-2
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    SM: How did Kraven acquire the strength of a rhinoceros? Was he bitten by a radioactive rhino? And didn’t Radioactive Rhino used to tour with Iron Butterfly?

    Crank: Could we possibly be so lucky that today’s strip might be the start of the long-awaited “lockjaw” story arc?

    FW: Starting to look old??? Funky, you would practically have to drown in the Fountain of Youth before you even began to look as young as Keith Richards.

  279. Dartpaw86
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    To the Creator of Shoe: You made a joke about suicide. You were trying to make suicide lighthearted. You are sick and twisted…

  280. gleeb
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    Slylock: No, the way to draw an elephant is to crouch down behind the sofa and make a noise like a peanut in distress.

    ‘shaft: In the meantime, a small child in the ER waiting room succumbs to its injuries. And, it’s funny!

    Curtis: Bush baby ninja attack! Strike, and fade into the night to eat insects. Wait, bush babies eat insects? Look out, Maya! Run, Edidna!

    Dick: “Now let me type up this reports so I can clear out of my office and they can finish painting it matte black.”

    ‘bean: If you’re looking old (and here, I’m going to guess that Batiuk is trying to tell us that fat failure Funky is fooling himself by saying he’s starting to look old), how can you conclude they you’re good at being young? Anyway, when he was young he was a drunk with a failed marriage. Now, he’s a cheap lousy businessman who ignored his kid into the Army. Funk Winkerbean isn’t good at anything.

  281. Ratiocinator
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    ASM: Gah, this can only mean Kraven is the dreaded Cheetoceros, believed until now to be only a myth! A very, very stupid myth!

    FW: Don’t listen to her, Funky. You’re right when you say that you suck now.

    JP: I’m not gonna try for a joke here, I’m just thinking “What the fuck happened to Alan to make him age another ten years since the last strip?” Look at him! And then look at him before!

    Slylock: That elephant-thing is staring straight at me and making me intensely uncomfortable. The last thing the world needs is for Weber to teach kids to draw more of those things.

  282. Little A.
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    LUANN: It looks like the boss has just taped TJ’S comment, You can’t con a con! And he may me out of work Monday. As usual, his scheme backfired, it looks like. And Happy New Year to all!

  283. Peanut Gallery
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#275):

    I enjoy the “must figure out how to prove intelligence to alien captors” trope, even in the most cheesy of circumstances (Planet of the Apes!)

    That is why I strive not to forget the three types of conic sections. You know, just in case.

  284. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    @Little A. (#282):

    Luann – No, she just stole his iPhone out of his shirt pocket. Idiot Plot gets dumber and dumber.

  285. Ratiocinator
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Happy New Year, Little A, and everybody else! So, er, speaking of Luann, I’ve been slowly working my way through the archives and getting caught up for a long time now, and right now I’m at March 2012 or so, which IIRC is around the time that TJ went looking for a job at Weenie World.

    Fast forward ten months and…nothing much has happened, I guess? Apart from him getting the job? Guess it isn’t just the soap strips that move slow as molasses.

  286. hogenmogen
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Archie: After 60 years, I think we get it. Moose is not that bright. No need to repeatedly underscore his intellectual deficiency by prefacing every statement with “Duuhhh….”

  287. Sarah
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m really looking forward to the month of strips about the selection of a (big-boobed) nanny from a host of (big-boobed) applicants. Maybe one of the (big-boobed) hookers could do it!

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