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If you can’t beat ’em, get on their good side

Mark Trail, 1/7/13

SORRY EVERYBODY about not having kept you sufficiently up to date on the conclusion of the thrilling Caribbean (?) Ransom storyline in Mark Trail, but it turns out to have been disappointingly light on the comical violence. As one could have guessed, Otto decided to let Mark go without collecting the ransom money, seeing as Mark saved his life and all, but Otto’s henchmen weren’t so keen on this idea, which gave Mark the opportunity to show that a fishing line trumps a rifle literally every time the two come into conflict. And then Otto hands out a brutal beatdown with his cane, proving that just because he’s decided to be magnanimous to Mark doesn’t mean he’s going to stop ruling his island with deadly force. Did you save me from sharks, Juan? Did any of you other pathetic losers save me from sharks? No? Then you’ll keep your mouths shut and do as you’re told.

Archie, 1/7/13

There’s something cruelly hilarious about people in the audience of a high school concert, who were presumably well aware of the musical quality that they’d encounter with performers at that skill level, just getting up and walking out when one particularly terrible kid gets up on stage to perform himself. You’ll notice that Archie’s mom didn’t even bother going to see her son in the first place.

Apartment 3-G, 1/7/13

Yes, finally, Margo gets some of her mojo back. “There are lots of things I don’t tell my boyfriend about, Greg, and making out with other dudes is pretty high on the list.”

Hi and Lois, 1/7/13

Dot is supposed to be, what, seven? Eight? I’m just trying to figure out how long it takes kids to recognize their parents’ marriage as the shameful web of deceit that it is.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/7/13

In his first epistle to the Corinthians, St. Paul expresses hope that, after the Resurrection, we will understand each other and God better than we can now: “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” Crazy Harry seems to have interpreted this to mean that in heaven everyone just runs around naked all the time.

356 responses to “If you can’t beat ’em, get on their good side”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    A certain lasagna-loving cat makes a cameo in Monday’s Dogs of C-Kennel:

    http://www.gocomics.com/dogsofckennel/2013/01/07

  2. Liam
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MT-You tell ‘em monkey character that is only now being introduced.

    MW-”He’s rather sexually repressed. It will take many sessions to bring him around.”

    Slylock Fox-In a world where the animals wear clothes the normal rules of animal development shouldn’t apply.

    Slylock Fox 2-Why is the toad even playing? Toads are notoriously bad bowlers.

  3. Powers
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    FW: I think it’s more likely that a heavenly spirit is assumed not to need earthly clothes. He’ll presumably be issued a robe upon arrival.

  4. Tophat
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow on Funky Winkerbean: All of Crazy Harry’s possessions are sold off and his clothes set fire to, while he is still wearing them. This is as close to happiness as someone in tragic world is allowed to get.

  5. Kimble
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    3-G Between Saturday’s and today’s strip, Margo STRIPPED! I’ve heard of a kiss knocking your socks off, but your jacket too? Cue “Frankie & Johnny,” Margo the cougar is on the prowl.

  6. Ethan Shuster
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    This really has to be the worst example of the out-of-place word balloon MT’s ever given us. Does the cartoonist actually know how those balloons work in the world of comics? It’s a comic book, buddy! We’re not above assuming an animal is gonna start talking!

  7. Sean
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MT: What was that severe head trauma on the back of the man with the yellow shirt’s head? George was curious

  8. Peter Hillock
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MT: Which of the following in today’s comic is the most ridiculously impossible:

    a. Mark can whirl a fishing line, grappling-hook style, around a loaded rifle and lift it out of Juan’s hand without tightening the line or bending the fishing pole?

    b. Otto, unable to stand on his mangled leg, grabs his crutch out from his armpit, plants and delivers a home-run swing at Juan’s head?

    c. A talking monkey?

  9. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    JP – I hope the rest of the week consists of the Parker clan sitting around the table marveling at the size of the check. On Saturday, the Revolution starts and the Parkers are the first ones guillotined.

    Luann – I hope the rest of the week consists of moronic one-upsmanship regarding whether the recording still exists or not. On Saturday, an email arrives from Corporate announcing Ann’s promotion to Executive VP of Customer Relations, as a reward for conning more customers than any other WW manager, based on the evidence from the video surveilance cameras.

  10. Lurker Bob
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MT: That talking monkey is pretty advanced from an evolutionary standpoint. Too bad, I was hoping that he might throw some feces.

  11. wossname
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MW –Dr. Jeff is having a midlife crisis. Not only has he had a facelift, dyed his hair blond and bought a fuschia car, he’s making Mary sit in the back seat.

    Slylock – It’s way more complicated than that. Toads aren’t green, so this must be an impostor. Freddie Frog is impersonating Terrance Toad. Since Freddie is a terrible bowler, this is clearly a plot by the other team, and Shady is trying to foil it.

    MT – If I’d known the howler monkey was on Otto’s side, I would never have worried about Juan getting away with his diabolical plan.

    DT – Now just hold on a minute. We’re beginning our next adventure? We didn’t really tie up all the loose ends with Cinnamon Knight and Black Piranha, but I suppose I can deal with that. But are we just leaving Honeymoon stuck on the moon trying to figure out whether her mother is alive?

  12. Ratiocinator
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    FW: “Way ahead of you, Harry: the bank foreclosed on your house this morning, and all of your clothes and other possessions spontaneously combusted. This is Westview, dude; you don’t need to wish for things like that to happen to you.”

    JP: Oh good lord…we fucking GET IT, these people have a fuckton of money, more money than any of us will ever have, and all of us reading the strip are miserable failures while the Parkers and the Drivers are nigh unto GODS. Is that what you want, Wilson? Is that admission enough to satisfy you and make you stop rubbing their wealth in our face day after day?

    Jumble: Dear lord, is Josh on trial again? What do you keep on doing, Fruhlinger, and why can’t you stop?!

    Luann: I haven’t been keeping up with the strip apart from reading Josh’s posts about it in the archives and looking at what people have been saying here, and it wouldn’t surprise me if somebody had said this before me, but:

    What kind of idiot puts this much planning and effort into securing and holding onto a job at a fast food place?!

  13. pugfuggly
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MT Did I miss the part where Mark befriended a magic talking spider monkey? What’s crazy is that it’s still probably not the most ridiculous thing in this storyline…

    Archie Looks like America just wasn’t ready for a teenage ginger in the Four Tops.

    A3G You don’t have to worry about not telling Evan, Margo: I think Greg is pointing to him standing in the doorway.

    FW Westview police were called to the scene to apprehend the ash-covered naked man who referred to himself only as ‘Flash’….

  14. Little Blue Bicycle
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    In a perfect cartoon world, Hi would be sneaking off the Margo’s planned fivesome with Greg, Evan, and the talking monkey. Burning their clothes is just a start.

  15. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    WARMED-OVER FOOB

    Smelly suffered from severe menstrual cramps in high school.

  16. Chareth Cutestory
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: “No, bartender at that restaurant with all the TVs, its not that I don’t enjoy being around my family. Its just that my daughter is at that age when its her job to call out adults on every petty piece of info and, wow, it is insufferable to be around.”

  17. Christopher
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: Dot has decided her mother doesn’t need to know that her father doesn’t go to strip clubs after work because he goes on his lunch break.

  18. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @Lurker Bob (#10):

    Don’t rush to judgement. Flinging of feces can be a highly-valued evolutionary trait. For example, one line of thought is that humans’ propensity to defecate when confronted with danger may have evolved as a protective mechanism to make the potential predator lose their appetite, and to cover the scent as the human flees.

    I’m just throwing that shit out there, is all.

  19. endless sky
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    FW: Wow, Crazy and Comic John really know how to negotiate a contract. THEY’VE TAKEN OVER THE STRIP!

    Luann: The plot thickens!! A twist worthy of O’Henry, meaning you could see it coming a mile away.

  20. nescio
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    FW: I think it’s already self evident that people will be burning Crazy’s clothes after he dies, no need to give out instructions.

  21. Lurker Bob
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#18):

    Wouldn’t it be great to see one of the educational Mark Trail Sunday strips dedicated to feces flinging?

  22. Ratiocinator
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#18):

    *Flings feces at you for the horrible pun*

  23. Monke
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Why is the Monkey the one referring to past things it told Juan? Is the Monkey the true ringleader here? Has the Monkey been secretly running things from the trees? But then why does the Monkey care of Mark Trail saved Carlos from the Sharks? doesn’t the Monkey need the money for sweet, sweet banana love?

  24. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Last week, I said that all strips can be improved with the addition of a monkey. Today, Mark Trail and Reality Check prove me correct! I bask in the warm glow of validation, but unfortunately, not in the as-of-yet-simian-free Judge Parker sense.

  25. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Osamu Tezuka’s “My Son Goku” makes a cameo in Monday’s Mark Trail:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alakazam_the_Great

  26. phroureo
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail may have avoided comic violence this time around, but that doesn’t mean there was nothing comic at all! I mean, come on! How often do you see a talking monkey? I seriously think this could be a great start to some Spiderman-Mark Trail crossover fan fic.

  27. Spunde
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Archie: The missing thought bubble in Panel 3: “Say something. Don’t just let him walk away in silence. Say anything. Except, ‘I’d love to hear your solo.’ Six weeks I lived through him practicing, and there’s no way — Oh well, he’s left the room. You’re a horrible mother. I’ll punish you with chocolate pie, you horrible, fat mother.”

  28. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#18): So, you’re arguing that poop-at-will Marvin is the pinnacle of human evolution? Survival of the shittest?

  29. Ratiocinator
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#24):

    If we can’t have monkeys in Judge Parker, I’m hoping we can at least have skunks again.

  30. Ben Ferber
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    What really bothers me about Mark Trail is the backstory they’re not telling us. Who is this monkey friend of Juan’s? Why did he warn Juan before? Has he switched sides, as well, or is he simply coming back to taunt the now-deposed head of an evil empire which will soon be ruled by the furrier species? Trail’s got a lot of punching to do if he’s to fight an army of monkies.

  31. cutiemarxism
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Did you guys hear? Beetle Bailey did a “Gangnam Style” gag today! I look forward to tomorrow’s strip, when Miss Buxley’s name is officially changed to Derpina and all the dialogue is replaced with deliberately-misspelled captions, written in Impact font.

  32. Kibo
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Archie totally rocks the bow-tie-and-nylon-windbreaker look. He’s the coolest gas station employee ever. Wait, he’s not a gas station employee, he’s a guy playing a guitar? Well, then, how embarrassing for that poor guitar to be in the company of someone who dresses like that.

  33. pugfuggly
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    MW The Moy vs Giella battle continues, with either an interesting take on which hours constitute ‘night’, or the shocking revelation that Santa Royale is north of the 60th parallel.

    Luann Smirking, Ann? That’s just his face. Seriously, just try to picture his face with anything but that same shit-eating grin on it. I hear that he was bitten in the face by a venomous spider while watching a fat man fall down an escalator, and it’s been stuck like that ever since.

  34. Ranger
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    MT: This entire scene could only be improved if it were being done with Yakety Sax playing in the background.

  35. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#28):

    Based on the discussion around the other day’s Marvin strip, the Dog may have one-upped Marvin in the food chain, by responding to his poop-flinging by evolving the tendency to … do that thing … that dogs do, when there is something gross lying around … I don’t want to be more specific before breakfast … human breakfast, at least … damn, this shit is really awkward.

  36. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MT: And in an instant, Juan realizes that he went from holding all the cards to public humiliation. His gun got swiped by a fishing line, his ex-boss smacked him with a cane, and in a second, a friggin’ monkey is going to land on his head. The tribe has spoken, Juan. You’re officially voted off the island.

  37. seismic-2
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#y254): I’m still wondering about why and how the FW color monkeys came up with the horrible blue-and-pea-green scheme for this Flash Gordon collection, which is so at variance from the actual exciting color scheme for the book. Does a cartoonist even get to attach a note to his art work before turning it over to the monkeys, saying “In real life, this is purple and orange, so don’t make up your own arbitrary color scheme?” And even if that’s not allowed and the monkeys must work without guidance, why in the world did they pick colors that made the cover look as if someone had vomited the entire contents of their gall bladder onto it? OK, that’s a pretty reasonable choice to use for the FW strip itself most times, but this is Flash Gordon!

    DT: Wait, last week we saw Tracy on the moon, then we saw the costumed vigilantes get set up in an ambush that was foiled by Tracy, then yesterday we saw Tracy talking on the phone with an escaped criminal about his using a Pez dispenser to get out of jail (????), and today we see that Mr. Mole is tutoring young “Toad” to excel on her spelling tests? Just how random is this strip, anyway? Did someone at the syndicate accidentally drop a bunch of upcoming Tracy cartoons onto the floor, then picked them up in an arbitrary order, and said “OK, fixed! Now off to the printer!”?

  38. Drahken
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    I’m amazed that you neglected to include beetle bailey doing it gangnam style. (Of course, it’s probably a recycled strip which originally said he was doing the cha-cha or something, but still…)

  39. Atheist amongst the flock
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    MT: Spare the rod and spoil the kidnapper.

  40. Spunde
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    FW: Not to dampen Crazy’s enthusiasm, but you can buy Volume 2 of the complete Alex Raymond Flash Gordon Sundays with the Jungle Jim toppers from Amazon for $47.25 with free shipping.

    I realize Westview is its own kind of hell, but isn’t it still sort of a cheap kind of heaven that can be had for the price of an early bird dinner for four at Applebees?

  41. Voshkod
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Even with a rifle pointed at him, Mark remained calm. The monkey was close, in the trees. He spread his consciousness out to the nearby animals. There was a salt-water crocodile nearby; Mark touched it’s primitive reptile brain and brought it closer, just in case the monkey failed. But that wouldn’t happen. He saw Juan through faceted eyes of a hundred mosquitos. Distraction, if he needed it. And he saw Juan out of the monkey’s eyes, smelled the fear on the man with the monkey’s nose. Nature, red in tooth and claw, took a deep breath. And pounced.

  42. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Crank: Ya know, the reason I read this crap is that some of the time, or, rather, just enough of the time, there’s a story arc which does have some interest. But not lately. All we’ve seen is one stupid pun after another.

    FW: These people are absolutely pathetic.

    Luann: Of course TJ has a backup. Like we didn’t see THAT coming.

    MT: Yes, Juan, listen to the monkey!!

    Marvin: HATE.

    MW: “Clam Down at the Bum Boat. Serving the Sea’s blandest fare to Santa Royale’s blandest people since 1930-something”.

    RMMD: June hides behind the door…….as she’s never seen a naked woman before……

    Love is…: Naked Dot-Rubbing Disco!

  43. Wally Winkerbean
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Tune into the Funkyverse tomorrow where Comicbook Guy screams “What the fuck are you doing with the book!?!?! Close it up, put it on the shelf and get back to work, loser. I can’t sell books with a bunch of stains on the pages and the spine broken. This ain’t the post office. Idiot!!”

  44. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @cutiemarxism (#31): I had no idea what Gangnam Style was, so I looked it up. I didn’t know that it was a thing. About one sixth of the world population has seen it on YouTube, and here I am going “????”. Or, just one really bored South Korean teenager downloaded it a billion times. Who knows?

  45. Chyron HR
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Dead Skunk Head: “Flash Gordon Sundays with the Jungle Jim Toppers!”
    Crazy Harry: “Sell the house and burn my clothes!”

    Is a dementia storyline not enough for you, Batiuk? Does it have to be DOUBLE DEMENTIA?

  46. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    GT: “I don’t think that it was just a peacock! It may be an omen of imminent doom!”

    “This isn’t Westview, it’s Milford. It’s an omen of a close loss in basketball and a snack at the Bucket.”

  47. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    The unseen third panel in MT: The rifle, swinging on the fishing line, comes arcing back and smashes Mark in the face. The entire ransom money then goes into the bridges and implants he needs to repair the damage.

    And his dentist will be guess who.

  48. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Greg is on his way out of the A3G storyline. First his words begin to fade in and out, then his outlines will begin to blur, and before you know it he’ll be a blue background figure. His clothes have already seen the writing on the wall.

  49. btown
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MT: I personally find a high-wire flying, talking tag team monkey to be a pretty comical form of violence

    MW: Has Mary ever called Jeff “dear” before? I thought that was one of the special words that she reserves for her victims, sort of like the Wicked Witch of the West.

  50. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @sdee (#38): Do they come contained in a prehensile rectum?

  51. Dennis Jimenez
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    MT – I’m just not buying it – you might be able to land a .270 Winchester with a #2 Rapella, but never with a salmon plug like that….

  52. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Incidentally, just how the hell does Otto manage to swing that stick so as to hit the front of Juan’s head? Any Cartoon Physicist here to explain the mechanics of that?

  53. Chyron HR
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Having abandoned concluded the “I can’t believe it’s not Batman” storyline, Dick Tracy now brings us “I can’t believe it’s not the Mutant Massacre.”

  54. Marc
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    9CL- So we’re making the transition from midnight rape, to consentual piano sex.

    A3G- From Scott Ganies, to Evan Graham, to Greg Cooper; Is there an bland generic man in 1960′s NYC that Margo hasn’t hooked up with?

    Mark Trail- As astouding as the monkey being able to talk is, I’m more interested in his head of jet black human hair and moustache.

    Mary Worth- There must be something seriously wrong with Dr. Jeff’s barbie car for it to be blowing that much smoke. Say aren’t they approching the Aldo cliff….

    Funky- It’s pretty sad that Crazy loves a comic book he just found out existed more than he does his family. Because if he cared one iota about them, he would have accepted a transfer, or taken his pension, or something besides moping and blowing his load over getting a part time, minimum wage gig at a pedophile’s floundering comic book shop.

    Luann- I’m still holding out hope that this ends in TJ drowning in a toilet. It’s a faint glimmer sure, but it’s still there.

    Cranky- Can we revisit the one day that we thought Crankshaft was dying in the hospital?

    Hi & Lois- Mega bitch Dot is taking a great deal of pleasure in ruining her father’s couple hours of freedom.

  55. The Ghost of Jarrod
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Luann – “Why am I still smirking? I…I don’t have a choice. I suffer from risus sardonicus. Anyhow, I’ll go get my stuff.”

    MT – When a monkey tells you to do something, you damn well do it, capisce?

    JP – At last, Judge Parker gets back to its roots — showering its protagonists with huge amounts of unearned money. Remember when the Judge thought his book wasn’t that good? Neither does he.

  56. Downpuppy, CPA
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#11): A toad & shrew large enough to bowl -10 pin, even, not candle or duckpin – are not creatures I’d question too closely. Anyhow, they’ve done this tadpole thing recently. So, to recapitulate:

    Male toads (and frogs) are not particularly bright when it comes to sex. They’ll attempt to mate with anything that moves, including other males and floating leaves. Eventually they’ll figure out they’ve made a mistake and try again with a different target. When they finally find a female, they’ll climb on her back so that they can fertilize her eggs as she lays them. This mating grasp is called amplexus. Male frogs have specially adapted thumbs so that they can hang on to the female’s back even if she gets bored and tries to hop away. The male frog also needs to hang on tightly to the female because sometimes more males try to join in the fun in a kind of frog orgy.

    Most toads (and frogs) need to lay their eggs in water. Each female lays thousands of eggs at a time, in strings or slimy masses.

    not all that much paternal attachment.

  57. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    I predict “Gangnam Style” will be the “texting” of 2013. Please, please Lord, let me be wrong on this one.

  58. Vince M
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    MT – Juan, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

  59. Doctor Handsome
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Yes, Mark disarmed the kidnapper with his fishing rod and lure, but how integral was the lure, really? That move was all rod, homes.

  60. Greg
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    H&L: Actually, Dot knows his dad a little too well. He’s saying Hi is going to that bar with all the transvestites. Does he have to spell it out for Mom? Uh, I guess he does. See, T stands for Trans and V stands for vestite.

  61. Marc
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#45): The Gangnam Style guy Psy actually played the halftime show at the Bills-Seahawks game in Toronto this year.

  62. Leonard
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    January 7, 2013: The date that Josh’s real and virtual worlds finally blurred to the point where he can no longer discern between strips and characters, and he believes Margo is making a guest appearance in Riverdale.

  63. Horace Broon
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    BB: Once again, the fact a thing on the internet exists is not actually a punchline…

    JP: Nice try, judge, but that’s why they’ve got serial numbers on them.

    MT: Am I the only one who initially read Otto’s second line as “We’re giving the monkey back”? Obviously, Juan swapped the island’s native talking pelicans for a talking monkey, and Otto’s having none of it.

    MW: Mary, having encouraged a man to follow his dream of competitive cake decoration, is now telling Dr Jeff that he hasn’t a hope without her. That’s not a ‘mudgeonly exaggeration of what’s happening. That is actually what’s happening.

    PV (yesterday): Wait, isn’t the story supposed to be that the first archer gets a bullseye, and then Robin Rory splits it to also get a bullseye? If Roger’s shot is “fair, but not perfect”, surely Rory would have had a more clear-cut victory by just hitting the centre.

    Pluggers: Yes, using a phrase to mean the exact opposite of what it actually means is a bit like a pun…

  64. TheDiva
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I don’t tell him about my randomly disappearing candlestick, for example.”

    FW: I’m not much of a collector–even with the things I obsess over, I just don’t see the point in getting every single piece of merchandise related to that thing. But I understand that a lot more than a fifty-year-old (sixty? How old are these guys supposed to be again?) going into near-religious rapture over just seeing a comic book that, thanks to his part-time, minimum-wage job, he will never, ever be able to actually own.

    H&L: What big games? Monday Night Football is done for the season, the NCAA tournament doesn’t pick up steam for another month and half, and the NHL won’t start their post-lockout salvage for another couple weeks. I think Dot’s just trying to break her parents up for some twisted reason.

    MT: A planet where monkeys evolved from bad comic strips?

  65. word-doctor
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MT: Les Moore rearranges “Talking Monkey, Juan, Million,” giving Batiuk a day off, ala Billy Keane.

  66. exapno
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Before the hate REALLY gets hot and heavy here on the usual suspects – Luann, 9CL, H/L, etc, etc; a big thumbs up to Sally Forth for its holiday theme of Ted going home. There wasn’t a bad strip in the sequence, and Francesco even included a sweet coda with Hil and Jon. Bravo!

    Retail also handled its annual Holiday crush theme rather well, also.

    Also Phil Fumble NAILED Fritzi Ritz with a nice close up lip lock and body press today that left her woozy- way to go Phil! ;)

  67. exapno
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#65):

    Psst – there’s a little thing called the BCS title Game tonight….which, by the way, has yet to make a real impact on the comics like say, the SB has…

  68. Marc
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#65): @TheDiva (#65): The only big game on tonight is Alabama-Notre Dame in the Football National Championship.

  69. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#62): Well, his video went viral. Since that’s all it takes, Rex Morgan is doing a halftime rescusitation at the Superb Owl in a few weeks.

  70. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#y246): “Though it could explain why The Lockhorns are invited to so many parties.”

    that is exactly what inspired the concept. that and being really, really bored at work.

  71. bats :[
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Oh, dear God…there’s a monkey! THERE’S A MONKEY!!!!!!!! Everything’s better with a monkey!!!

    (So say mr. bats :[ and I. The general decline of Las Vegas magic began when “The Reserve,” a safari-themed casino in Henderson (south of Vegas) was sold and became the Fiesta Henderson (taking down four giant crouching monkeys from its tower), followed by the sale of the Aladdin to Hard Rock — a monstrous chandelier with gobs of gold monkeys was summarily removed from its shopping area. (I won’t even go into the fate of the three-story-tall Trojan horse at the FAO Schwartz there…) I want to know what happens to these things…I want them in my house. I don’t care if they don’t fit. They WILL fit.) End o’ screed.

  72. Doctor Handsome
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    “I think Daddy’s lying to you, and he’s going to that place with all the TV’s. That’s how grownups abbreviate ‘transvestite,’ isn’t it? TV?”

  73. bats :[
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Oh, and Agnes appears to be contributing to the loquaciousness of cartoonists as a measure of their intelligence, too. I was distracted by the monkey…

  74. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#72): Are you familiar with the Superdickery site? There’s a whole series of posts entitled “Everything’s Better With Monkeys” :/

  75. TheDiva
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    9CL: I’m pretty sure most people trying to read music don’t appreciate having a face stuck into their line of sight for a couple measures, but most people aren’t crazed nymphos who cannot go ten seconds without some form of physical intimacy.

    Curtis: Your crazy arrow-wielding bush baby can’t save you now!

    Luann: It’s TJ, Ann. That’s all he does.

    MW: Ugh, even Jeff’s car is Giella pink!

    Pluggers have completely useless husbands.

    SM: “hurled against his elephant” sounds like a euphemism for something dirty.

  76. TheDiva
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @exapno (#68): Fair point, but that’s still one game, not three.

  77. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Phantom is hanging out with a hungry lioness that has a history of attacking humans. He is one badass mf’ing purple freak.

  78. Holly Folly
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    I’m kinda interested to see why Otto’s cast vanishes in panel two. And I mean that literally, there is nothing below his cut off pant leg. Was the cast fake? Was this all an elaborate plan to hide the fact he is now missing a leg? Is the person in charge of continuity a drunk? We may never know.

  79. Alex Blaze
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Ha, no, Dot. Daddy just has several mistresses. “Sports” is like Santa Claus, in that they’re both lies we told you because we didn’t think you were ready for this cruel world. Like your father’s insatiable sexual appetite. You want breakfast?

  80. Snuggs
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    The only thing that could improve today’s Mark Trail is a word balloon saying “YOINK!” in a 300-pt boldass font (with the tail coming from Mark’s left arm, natch).

  81. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#74): Everybody’s got something to hide, ‘cept for me and my monkey!

  82. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#69):

    Plus four NFL Wild-Card Round playoff games this past weekend, and four more Divisional Round playoffs this weekend.

    Sorry to pile on, but the NFL theme makes it inevitable….

  83. terrapin
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    FW: In crazy’s defence, those Alex Raymond Flash Gordons are pretty cool.

    MT: In Lost Forest, police officers are armed with fishing poles.

  84. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: Thank goodness there are mandatory waiting periods and background checks before you can buy a T-Rex in Moo.

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Admittedly, “It’s stampeding right at us” isn’t bad, as far as last words go.

    Apt. 3-G: This requires us to ask if an apology would have been necessary had Greg given Margo a naughty kiss. Saying “no” would seem to be in violation of all known comic-strip rules, but since Margo’s not wearing a dowdy red jumper or sporting a horrific shark-mouthed grin, all bets are off.

    //When T-Rexes are outlawed, only crazy, crow-hat-wearing shamans will have T-Rexes.

    Beetle Bailey: I’ve been watching the “Gangnam Style” craze unfold for six months or longer, from the initial surge of interest to listening to my in-laws and assorted illiterates talk about how stupid it is. But right about…now it’s finally jumped the shark. Next week, it will turn up in an email chain forwarded to you by your crazy aunt.

    Funky Winkerbean: The Greek word for “know” used in 1 Corinthians 13:12 (which comes at the end of the familiar “love is patient, love is kind” passage, by the way) is ginosko, the same word Mary uses in Luke 1:34 when she says to the angel, “But how can this be? For I have not known a man.” So maybe the clothes aren’t strictly necessary?

    Hi and Lois: It’s much worse than that, Dot. You see, your father works at…Weenie World. (Cue soap opera organ.)

    Mark Trail: At first, I was going to ask if howler monkeys lived in Cuba, but then it occurred to me to ask if we’ve seen any trees on this island?

  85. FafMor7
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Only in Mark Trail could the attack of a talking monkey be dismissed as merely ambience.

  86. pugfuggly
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#78):

    alternate theory: Otto was simply a sophisticated animatronic robot being controlled by a super-intelligent spider monkey hiding in a hollow leg?

  87. Doctor Handsome
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    “Sorry I couldn’t make it to the concert, Archie dear, but I’ve just had so much dusting to do. And your father’s been sealed up in the garage all day making sure the car’s still running.”

  88. caughtstealin32
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    I was really hoping to see Saturday’s Mark Trail on here. Words cannot do it justice. That said, I don’t believe there were hardly any words in Saturday’s strip either. It was just too good for words!

  89. Dennis Jimenez
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#87): Well, who doesn’t like a lively barritone ukulele ride….

  90. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @exapno (#66):

    Phil Fumble was a heckuva lot shorter back in his Ernie Bushmiller days:

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_ggFkKoIjYA/TxG3XJ6_ArI/AAAAAAAACio/Q2xRQAS1Om4/s1600/United+Comics+%25231+%2528one-shot%2529+%2528Aug40%2529.jpg

    Either he’s taken to wearing elevator shoes or he’s getting massive injections of magic growth hormone.

  91. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    A3j “Look, I don’t want to cause any problems between you and Evan.”
    “Relax. I don’t tell him everything. For example, I don’t tell him when I am coming home, so he can hide in my apartment and surprise me. Sometimes he has a box with his dick in it, sometimes a human head, sometimes a talking monkkey. It’s just our little way of saying ‘I love you.’”

    JP “This is more money than I made in a year on the bench! Even when the mob was paying me off every month, I never got this much. Hmm. Maybe I should have held out for more.”

  92. endless sky
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    JP: Why does the judge need to make a copy of the check? Is he going to frame it or have it gold-plated on a plaque?

  93. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    MT: The monkey really doesn’t like it when his people make a liar out of him. Don’t piss off the monkey, Juan.

    Archie: Sad to say, it takes more than playing bad violin to be Jack Benny.

    A3G: Margo two-times her employee/boyfriend and brags about her talent for lying. Finally! Our girl’s back!

    H&L: Dolly sows marital discord, possibly in an attempt to not have the most whitebread family in town.

    Ziggy: Hey Mr. Boss-man, please start by suggesting that Ziggy put on a pair of slacks, and I mean strongly suggesting.

    WofI: It’s great that cartoonists can pick titles out of their cable TV listings and say, “Screw it, that’s our joke.”

    Crock: Is King Features combing through its Crock files to make sure they resonate with current headlines? If so, please stop doing that.

    JP: “This is more money than I made in a year on the bench. Except for the year I dismissed that absurd racketeering case against the legitimate businessman who was truly a pillar of his community, of course.”

    FC: Somewhere Jean Piaget weeps.

    Luann: To torment us, Ann. He’s smirking to make the readers suffer.

    SFx: Yeah well, we’re talking about a world where foxes have opposable thumbs and shrews wear backwards Kangol hats. In fact I’m not accepting this solution until I see some tadpole baby photos.

  94. erdmann
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    FW: “Tell ya what, Crazy, I’ll just take the price of the book out of your pay for the next month. Lessee, with the discount, that means you only owe me $10.”

    BB: This is how you know a fad is well and truly dead. RIP K-Pop, we hardly knew ye.

  95. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @endless sky (#92): I guess he’s making a copy of the check so he can show it to the tattoo artist.

  96. bats :[
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#25): that movie freaked me out when I was a little kid…well, not freaked me out, but I would have regular rememories of Alkazam, and this was back in the days pre-tape, so I wondered for years and years if I’d really seen a movie with a monkey that was proficient with a quarter-staff.
    I did find a copy of the movie a couple of years ago (hah! I wasn’t crazy!) and watched it. Meh. He wasn’t that good with a quarter-staff…

    Jumble: I LOVE the Jumbles with Josh, partly because they’re Josh (who we all know and love), but also because Jeff doesn’t draw his “guest characters” with the creepy naturalism seen in “Dennis the Menace,” for example.

    FC: oh, that hapless Jeffy!
    (I’ve met Josh once, and he really doesn’t look like a comic strip drawing. THen again, that was several years ago…)

  97. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#42):

    Crank: All we’ve seen is one stupid pun after another.

    Huh. There’s a pun?

    @Ratiocinator (#12):

    Luann: What kind of idiot puts this much planning and effort into securing and holding onto a job at a fast food place?!

    It’s all about TJ extracting revenge for his friends. And as Camus famously said: “Revenge is a weenie best served cold. With a side of tater tots.”

  98. seismic-2
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: God, how Brooke hates us. I promise to keep giving him even more reason to do so in 2013, so long as he keeps turning out drivel like this. How about you?

    @exapno (#67): Well, today’s BCS match-up has made an impact at least on today’s A&J. The overall concept of the BCS (although not this specific title game) shows up in today’s Crank. I suspect the NCAA football championship will receive more comic-strip attention when an actual play-off system is put into place.

    MT: Next week, in an amazing cross-over with Judge Parker and Gill Thorp, we shall have the Mark Trail vs. Avery Blackstone cast-downs!

  99. Lenoxus
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Actually, Christian theologians have long grappled with the question of whether or not people are naked in heaven. Some think they would wear “heavenly robes” while others look to the Genesis story as a sign that heaven is a world of sinless lust-free nudity. Meanwhile, some Rapture beliefs imply a nudity-of-sorts, because peoplle are taken “bodily” such that clothes are Left Behind (though this doesn’t rule out thier immediate teleportation into a new uniform).

  100. Mibbitmaker
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    MT: Careful, Otto, the monkey doesn’t like it when people complete his sentences!

    Really, now, Elrod — you’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?

  101. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#99): I just learned on Saturday that the nekkid/clothed question was a matter of great debate in the medieval period.

    This was not covered in divinity school, which perhaps tells you as much about seminarians as it does seminaries.

  102. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#64): Re A3G: If I hadn’t noticed that detail as well I’d have thought “randomly disappearing candlestick” was a particularly alarming euphemism.

  103. Mibbitmaker
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    A3G: But Margo’s luck would finally change once she crossed paths with Kenneth Starr. Poor girl thought he was from the Brenda Starr comic strip.

    (well, it would’ve worked in 1998….)

  104. Uncle Lumpy
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    We complain about author inserts in Funky Winkerbean and 9 Chickweed Lane, but Mark Trail gets a pass? “Take that, Juan! Fear the awesome casting power of El Rod!”

  105. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#97):

    … extracting revenge…

    Damn “… exacting revenge…”! Oh hell, “… getting revenge…”!

  106. Doctor Handsome
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    “I don’t tell Evan everything. I really only ever tell him three things: ‘Shut up,’ ‘I wanted that coffee TODAY, moron!’ and ‘Don’t just tongue it counterclockwise for half an hour… look, just knock it off. Just roll over and let me get on top so we can finish this up and get on with our day.’”

  107. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#98):

    How dare his readers find fault with his work! Philistines!

    This reminds me of a Britney Spears fan responding to critics of one of her recent videos, in which she does little more than wave her arms around while generic dance pop plays in the background. Was it the fault of the director, she asked? No, he merely followed the script. Was it the fault of the choreographer? No, he merely did the best with what was available to him. Was it Britney’s fault? No, she merely performed the dance moves she was told to perform. Clearly, the only one at fault was the viewer, for failing to appreciate the effort that went into churning out the video! After all, it is the obligation of the True Fan to blindly worship everything turned out by the Artist – otherwise, they have no claim to the title of Fan.

  108. endless sky
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    BC: Another guest appearance by the Easter Island Head.(Is he hoping for his own comic?) This is a disturbing trend. Especially when it never makes any sense with the “joke”. A doll’s head???

  109. Mibbitmaker
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    H&L: “Mom… why did you just refer to the restaurant as a ‘hussy’?”

    FW: “Sell the house and burn my clothes” is less a folksy exclamation than it is a future FW storyline. Way to foreshadow the gloom, eh, Batiuk?

    Crazy Harry continues…. “No, seriously — DO IT! NOW!!!”

  110. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#54):

    9CL- So we’re making the transition from midnight rape, to consentual piano sex.

    Do you mean that we’re about to see two pianos fucking? Because that might be interesting to watch, in a clinical sense.

  111. bbofun
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Pigborn- it has been suggested here, by myself and others, that Brooke doesn’t realize what a massive Freudian slip he has in this story. It’s ostensibly a screed against trolls 9and, from today’s diatribe, politicians, for some reason)- but everything the “troll” does to the video-game-character-turned-”Jeannie”-clone is EXACTLY what Brooke does to his own characters. Witness what happened to Pib and Dru- they were torn out of their “realities”, turned into Djinn, and dressed in revealing outfits (not that what they wear normally aren’t revealing)- and then Dru was burnt alive while attempting to escape, and then impaled on a Djinn’s cock, apparently. All this was not done by the “troll”- but by the “forces of the universe”- in other words, by Brooke, for our (read “his”) amusement.

    Meanwhile the terrible troll plays with the video game character (who has a whole backstory that I’ve pretty much forgotten), hurting her and killing her in-game, then forces her out of the game, has her turned into a genie and dressed in a revealing outfit, presumably planning to torture her more.

    Brooke- you really need to seek help.

  112. gleeb
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Archie: What Archie hasn’t the heart to tell his mother is that he’s a button man for the Riverdale mob, and he just returned from rubbing out one of Boss Lodge’s enemies, having posed as a waiter to get close to him.

  113. cheech wizard
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Luann – Whoops! Looks like TJ backed up his audio file – big surprise there. Now Ann’s options are down to having angry, hateful sex with him whenever he wants. Which is how they both like it, so I guess that’s a happy ending.

    MT – My first reaction was that the hot island girl had turned out to be a witch who can change herself into a raging monkey through some sort of mystical Caribbean mumbo-jumbo. But that would mean that something interesting had happened in Mark Trail, so I guess it’s just another misplaced word balloon after all.

    But shouldn’t that monkey have a colored pencil in hand? And be screaming “Wait, I haven’t done his shirt yet!”

  114. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#111):

    Reading Brooke’s fairy porn is like what watching actual porn would be like if the performers stopped what they are doing every few minutes in order to insult the viewer. “Do you see what we are doing for your enjoyment? Do you like seeing us degraded for you this way? Do you realize how sick that makes you?”.

    Which would be pretty freakin’ hot, actually. Not so much so for fictional Fairy Porn, unfortunately

  115. bbofun
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    And now that THAT’S over-

    MT- Yes, the spirit of your brother has come back as a peacock to help you get over your grief, and make you a better basketball player. Why don’t you stay here while I fetch the authorities?

    JP- The judge keeps copies of his biggest checks in a scrapbook- soon, Sophie will introduce him to Pinterest, and we’ll all be able to see the glory of his collection!

    ASM- Why does Stan Lee (or whoever actually writes this strip) hate elephants?

  116. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: It’s the long-awaited Mark Trail/Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp crossover storyline!

    Ziggy: “Here’s today’s suggestion: Put on some damned pants before I call the cops, you filthy degenerate!”

  117. bbofun
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#114): I’ve actually seen porn like that. It was, indeed, strangely hot, which probably says something about me I’m not prepared to think about, SO SHUT UP, OKAY!

  118. bats :[
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action (#116): Lancelot Link…another favorite of mine! (Actually, my favorite was the pretty much non-trained orang…hell, maybe he was just embarrassed by the whole thing…who was always cast as a character that pretty much “sat there.”)
    And speaking of primates…

  119. Vince M
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m hearing Timon the meerkat off-panel yelling “What’s goin’ ON here? Who’s tha MONKEY?!?”

    While I appreciate and respect monkeys generally, the do creep me out. I saw a BBC documentary yesterday where an old temple in China is home to a bunch of macacques – tourists and pilgrims bring peas and nuts and pose for pictures with them, everything’s friendly and nice, then the macacques get more and more aggressive, start biting, and panic the people into a hasty, sometimes fatal retreat. Gah.

  120. bats :[
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#77): no, I think he’s just a jerk.

    (Still, I love these lioness drawings!)

  121. Majicou
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Oh, Brookie, don’t you worry about the awful, awful trolls. You just keep on doing what you do best and soon they’ll stop reading your work forever.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#25): I didn’t know that Tezuka had done a take on Journey to the West, but I shouldn’t be surprised since everyone else has. Of course, the American dub was all “There are no other countries! China? Never heard of it. Japan? That’s just a myth.”

  122. TheDiva
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: How exactly is this different from the wordy, self-important screeds delivered by Brooke’s “heroic” characters?

  123. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#122):

    The difference is that The Troll wasn’t dressed in a fetish costume (by Brooke) before delivering his rant.

  124. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#118):

    Anything where Bernie Kopell is the main villain (or at least voices him) = Must-See TV.

  125. Jim in Wisc.
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Both Calvin and Snoopy have excellent attitudes today.

  126. Mibbitmaker
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    S-M: Comic strip admits that it’s predictable! Film at 11!

    Zits: Comic strip admits that it’s derivative! Film at 11!
    (okay that was stretching it)
    (…to the breaking point)

    DT: In the current version of this strip, there is no words more harrowing than “Let’s look in on some old friends”
    — except “look, someone elses characters to pay tribute to.” Really, Joe and Mike, if you really want to do Gould right, BRING IN SOME FREAKIN’ ORIGINALITY FOR ONCE!
    ….Otherwise, good job, boys!

    JP: “….for my Perpetual Wealth scrapbook!”

    Luann: The last panel goes after any appropriate Funky Winkerbean strip.

    MW: Back to Mr. Whipple…
    Mr. W: “What do you mean ‘we’, Kimo Sabe?”, he says futilely.

    Glibporn: Well, I don’t create nothing, as the link in my heading shows. And the good people here do create art with many of the comments made. Even poetry! Plus, there’s these things called parody and satire, which have done quite well from Swift to MAD and SNL. So, shove it, McPoseur, you Sandy Frank of the comics page!!!

  127. dodoman1
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    So when are we getting a spin-off of Mark Trail centered around the adventures of Otto and his talking monkey sidekick?

  128. SF_Reader
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Archie – “…terrible kid gets up on stage to perform himself.” What exactly was he doing? Playing a musical instrument or pocket pool?

  129. Mibbitmaker
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#126): “there are no words….”

  130. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    PBS: *SNURK*

    Bizarro: /fail.

    Crank: at least A&J got the teams right.

    MG&G: another Bigfoot joke. wonder if they have anti-grav belts in this strip as well.

    OBH: guest-written by Stephan Pastis.

    RMMD: Elvira would fit right in to this story. (do I really need to warn anyone about what is linked? Didn’t think so.)

  131. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .just a pelvic thrust, that really drives you insane-ane-ane.

  132. Majicou
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#126): I have a feeling Brooke gads about the house all day.

  133. Liam
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Archie-Well I hoped they stood up before walking out. I would hate to think that they crawled out.

  134. Illustrator Steve
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Peter Hillock (#8): “Which of the following in today’s comic is the most rediculously impossible? a…, b…, c…”

    #a, b and c are all equally rediculously impossible, as is trying to get any common sense or logic through Jackelrod’s thick skull!

  135. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Dick – Yes, Toad and Mole are friends. Want to make something of it?

    Heathcliff – “Ah, nothing like two kitties in a physically impossible suicide pact.”

    love is… …a guy with no genitals making a dick of himself.

  136. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Luann – TJ is smirking because evil comprachicos performed surgery upon his face when he was a tiny child, so that he can only not smirk for very short periods of time, and it costs him heavily in pain and muscular effort to do it. (Otherwise, I’d say it’s because he’s not a total fool, and has backed up the lone recording on his phone some time in the last eleven months.)

    Mark – Odd that Frank Cho’s author avatar has suddenly appeared in this strip. Usually, it’s other comic characters suddenly appearing in Liberty Meadow. Like bathtub Blondie t’other day.

    Rx – Well, if Delores doesn’t want to wear the wig that makes her look like Elvira, she could always stay silent and go as Henry’s sexy sister, or the Yellow [Oh You] Kid.

  137. Illustrator Steve
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    MT – Without misplaced word balloons, such as the classic one today depicting a talking monkey, I would be sending all three months of this current story arc back to my local newspaper for a full refund!

  138. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y242): The comic weeklies weren’t doing the Horatio Alger thing. He was all about rewarding persistent hard work with moderate financial success. These were things like magic transistor radios that grant every wish (in the general comic weeklies), or a huge department store that gives things away for pennies (transcendently boring, too), or the old reliable buried treasure bit. For the girls, it was living at a boarding school or some kind of adopted home where you were always picked on by the popular but widely disliked nasty queen bee girl and her harpies until you either get a message from the (previously unknown) rich uncle that you’re now set for life, or some wealthy old lady you’ve been compassionate to gets you taken in by the home of your dreams, with servants and all that.

    @seismic-2 (#y251): Ah, thanks for that! Yeah, power over parents is also the theme of most ads aimed at kids, where the parents are surrogated by cereal mascots and the like. No, rabbit! You can’t have Trix! No, bird! You can’t have Cocoa Puffs! (I’ve always imagined that one day the rabbit will call Sonny aside for some sneakery: “They never stop YOU from buying Trix! And I can have all the Cocoa Puffs I want! Now, here’s my idea…”) No, leprechaun! You can’t even keep your own cereal! (Remember when Lucky was a nasty little shit? “Always after me Lucky Charms! I’ll make a machine gun and blow their little asses to Hell!”) And all the sitcoms and cartoon sitcoms on Disney and Nick and whatnot involve fathers who can barely manage to keep from drooling, and who make Homer Simpson look like Stephen Hawking. MAD mocked this trend in the 60s, but it’s been taken so far beyond where it was back then, even I’ve noticed it. And I’m the dad of a ten-year-old girl!

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#255): Since becoming an adoptive parent, I’ve gotten used to the fact that only about one in a hundred movies aimed at kids present a whole family. Even the Three Stooges movie is centered around an orphanage and adoption. When Sarah was four or five, we watched KIKI’S DELIVERY SERVICE. I thought she’d love it, but when it came to the part where a young witch of a certain age moves away from home, she freaked out (poor kid).

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#256): Years ago, we visited my uncle at his office, a newspaper in Amarillo. His editor had a framed Flash Gordon original on his wall, and as you may expect, it was a thing of beauty. Raymond wasn’t just a great artist, he was a true designer.

  139. Illustrator Steve
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    MT – Upon seeing today’s Mark Trail I expected to see a cameo appearance by David Letterman asking his famous question, “Wanna buy a monkey?”!

  140. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    A kiss from Gregory the Wannabe Lothario means less than nothing to the Queen Bee of Apartment 3-G. Because Margo Magee is the love ‘em and leave ‘em type — much like her flapper grandmother, Fritzi “Hot Lips” Ritz.

  141. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    JoshYou’ll notice that Archie’s mom didn’t even bother going to see her son in the first place.
    First long, nasty laugh of the day! Though on consideration, she probably used to go see his high school recitals, but she probably started getting headaches and excused herself after three or four decades of it.

    @Ratiocinator (#22): (re #18) That wasn’t a pun!

    @hogenmogen (#28): That’s a pun!

    @exapno (#66): Also Phil Fumble NAILED Fritzi Ritz with a nice close up lip lock and body press today that left her woozy- way to go Phil!
    Yeah, but he loses points by having to rush out and throw up in the street.

    @Doctor Handsome (#72): snrk!

    @seismic-2 (#98): Looks like the gloating nerd (lacking only a sign around his neck, written in Cheeto dust, that says “I LIEV IN MOMS’ BASEMINT”) was bitten by a radioactive Ayn Rand character. But I guess by combining that with “I Dream of Jeanie,” it becomes vital and original.

  142. Roto13
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Man, Mark will go fishing with literally anyone who is not Rusty.

  143. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

  144. Baka Gaijin
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Peter Hillock (#8): Wow. Just wow. Where’s Aristotle when I need him?

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#52): Where’s Sheldon Cooper when we need him?

    @Downpuppy, CPA (#56): Born in a slimy mass: Marvin, Margo Magee, or Mary Worth?

    @exapno (#66) on Nancy: Wedding bells could be ringing. You invite may be in a mapcase somewhere.

  145. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#144): High marx for esoteric referencing!

  146. Marc
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#82): True, true. I suppose it is too much to expect for the writers of Hi & Lois to cram an entire weekend’s worth of games of into one night for the purpose of a joke.

  147. Joshua
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: I wonder if Kraven ever realized that one can make a good living as the star of an animal act in Las Vegas, but not if you or your animals kill someone on stage with hundreds of people watching.

  148. Uncle Lumpy
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#126):

    … you Sandy Frank of the comics page!!!

    Yeah, you never get all the sand off without scraping off the ketchup and maybe giving it a quick rinse from your soda, never even mind the bun. Better off just getting another one. Can’t do that with Pibgorn, unfortunately. It’s a gritty chew for sure.

  149. Marc
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#110): I hope so. As long as it doesn’t include the two dipshits sitting at the piano.

  150. Paul
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Why did Josh not mention the monkey that looks like Hitler? Am I the only one who can see the Hitler-monkey? Please tell me I’m not the only one who can see the Hitler-monkey.

  151. Gringo
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MT: So I’m confused. If the island has a talking monkey, why do the residents need kidnapping and ransoming to raise money? Why can’t they just charge people to come see the freakin’ talking monkey?

  152. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#44):

    I had no idea what Gangnam Style was, so I looked it up. I didn’t know that it was a thing. About one sixth of the world population has seen it on YouTube, and here I am going “????”. Or, just one really bored South Korean teenager downloaded it a billion times. Who knows?

    Well, it is possible that you are a little out of touch with popular culture.

    // Say, have you heard about this dance/song thing called the macarena?

  153. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#138): The put-down-nerd-makes-good theme is present in a lot of stuff today and yesterday. Luke Skywalker was a farm boy, then he became a hero pilot, then he became the last of the Jedi, then he found out that he was a prince or something, too. Heinlien’s Citizen of the Galaxy turned a street urchin into the heir to a vast fortune, after various careers. In the Percy Jackson series, Percy goes from middle school misfit to demigod to demigod of “One of the Big Three”. The all time winner is Harry Potter, who goes from abused orphan to wildly famous (and rich) kid-wizard.

    The Potter movies were wise not to dwell on HP’s relationship with his adoptive family as much as the books do. After a hundred pages of “Dudley is an asshole but Harry gets nothing but scorn” I think we get the point. The next 50 pages of it feels like a bludgeon. Then comes the next in the series, and there’s another 150 pages into of “Fat Dudley is pampered like a prince, but Harry is verbally abused on a daily basis.” Yes, we get it. Harry is a hero in a hidden world and pariah at home.

    Anyway, rags-to-riches through highly improbable means is a theme in many fictional stories. Maybe I’m secretly amazing in a hitherto unseen world of spirits and fairies or something.

  154. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#152): Am I out of touch? I only watch YouTube for the porn.

  155. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#151): Maybe he’s not the islander’s monkey. Maybe Kraven sent him to steal the ransom money.

  156. Gringo
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Welcome to Weiner World, where the name refers not to the comestibles on sale but the morons on staff.

  157. Gringo
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#155): Oooh! Crossover villainy!

  158. seismic-2
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Paul (#150): Hitler? Well, maybe, but I think the monkey is actually his fellow fascist, Generalissimo Francisco Franco. That would explain why he is addressing his designated successor, King Juan Carlos.

  159. Downpuppy, Marker of Snails
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#144): We’re all born in a mass of goo. You’ve never been at a delivery?

    but I was kind of tickled to realize that somebody at Slylock, Inc must have noticed at the last minute that they’d done the exact same frog child leg trick 7 months ago, and wrote it so that everyone was onto the scam this time.

    http://joshreads.com/?cat=66&paged=4

  160. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#90): Phil Fumble was a heckuva lot shorter back in his Ernie Bushmiller days…

    Very true. And Fritzi has gotten shorter and more zaftig.

  161. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    FW: Hey Crazy! I’ve got something amazing! It’s a box of comics! Because, you know, this is like, a comic book store. Yah…. Sorry, not so amazing when I put it out there like that.

  162. terrapin
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#136):Nice Victor Hugo reference in Luann!

  163. tb4000
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: But the kids who read this strip won’t get that referen….never mind.

  164. Steve
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    S-M/MT: Kraven trained a chimp to be a jewel thief? Big deal. Otto trained a monkey to (1) speak, (2) start Otto’s sentences, and (3) address Juan by name.

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#97): And as Camus famously said: “Revenge is a weenie best served cold. With a side of tater tots.”

    I’m thinking about putting together a book, “The Wisdom of Albert Camus” — the cool thing is all I have to do is research this site. We must have hundreds of quotes by now!

  166. Dale
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL’s fishing lure is coming towards him as it passes over the top of the rifle.
    The Warren Commission couldn’t have sold this sack of shit.

  167. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#98): Pibgorn: God, how Brooke hates us. I promise to keep giving him even more reason to do so in 2013, so long as he keeps turning out drivel like this. How about you?

    Um. Yeah. I think I may have said something nice about him last week. I was probably drunk. Please ignore it.

  168. Baka Gaijin
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#75) on Spiderman: Agreed. Nasty nasty nasty.

    @Snuggs (#80): OMG!!! That would immeasurably increase the satisfaction of today’s Mark Trail. Bring it back the next time Mark abandons Rusty pre-fishing.

    @Vince M (#119): A church with monkeys? Irritable primates? I am so there!

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#145): I haz a esoteric?

    @Joshua (#147): Leroy and Loretta Lockhorn would take front-row seats and angrily spray each other with catnip cologne.

    @Gringo (#151): That would make sense. “Sensible storylines” and “Mark Trail” are almost mutually exclusive.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#152): hogen, don’t listen to them. I don’t know what Gagnam Style is either. “Macarena” is one of those new fusion-Italian pasta dishes, right?

  169. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#146):

    Technically, there were three “big” football games yesterday, if you are willing to include Arkansas State’s thrilling 17-13 victory in the GoDaddy.com bowl … over Westview’s beloved Kent State Flashes.

  170. Alice
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#113) on Luann: If only syndicated comics content standards were lower, so we could see that happen. That would at least make this train wreck of a plotline halfway exciting.

  171. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    A3G always amuses me with its complete and reckless adherence to background continuity. The ubiquitous green scribble picture that appears from behind the curtain in panel 1 has moved to the books in panel 2. Odd, that the books remain stable, though they seem to have kicked the candle to the floor.

    I really get the sensation that the room is spinning, but it could also be that Margo keeps turning to talk to Greg, but Greg keeps striding sideways so he always has a clear passage to take her from the back and have fantastic, uninhibited monkey sex.

    See, things really are better with a monkey.

  172. Shrug, Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#y247):

    “what results would you predict were Kraven to hurl Spider-Man against his elephant?”

    Is that what the kids are calling “restocking the little weasels into their natural habitat” these days?

  173. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#163): Kids? Read RMMD? See, I can’t even say them in the same sentence.

    Personally, I kinda liked Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. But, if a stripper says she looks bad in it, I trust her. She probably does.

  174. Baka Gaijin
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, Marker of Snails (#159): That’s why I’m not an obstetrician. Icky goo.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#165): Ces Marciliano made a killing with cat poems. Just sayin’.

  175. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: The silent first panel is in sore need of a “WHAT TH’ ??

  176. The Ploughman
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    H&L: The age in question must be sometime after a child learns to read a television schedule, but before they learn the term “sports bar.”

  177. Axel
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    “I told you, Juan, I told you! It’s just like I said!” The monkey hooted at him as it swung past and he felt the blow to his head. The pain only made the voices louder – the birds laughed at him, the monkeys screamed in anger, and he could even hear the trees judging him, grunting and humming in disapproval with their leaves. The jungle had warned him not to fight their champion, Mark of the Trail, and now he’d never never hear the end of it.

  178. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Hey Brooke, some lady named Ayn Rand called. She says you might want to dial your strawman down a notch.

  179. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Rhymes with Orange: Aquaman sucks.

    // There. Someone had to say it.

  180. Baka Gaijin
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    TJ will be smirking out the other side of his face once he find out the latest Android update erased all his cloud-backed up data.

    “Burning his clothes” implies strongly that Beardy McBeardface shit his pants in excitement.

    With apologies to “Tag Team”
    There’s a Spidey over here
    A Khyber over there
    Wave your hands in the air
    Stampede to the chairs
    These three words when you’re gettin’ busy
    Thomp! There it is

  181. Dennis Jimenez
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#166): And that’s not even factoring in G.I Joe’s notorious Kung Fu grip – this strip is a total fraud….

  182. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Paul (#150):

    Why did Josh not mention the monkey that looks like Hitler? Am I the only one who can see the Hitler-monkey? Please tell me I’m not the only one who can see the Hitler-monkey.

    Hitler monkey in the sky*
    Jumps from tree to jump on guy
    Grabs the rifle, waves bye-bye
    Hitler monkey in the sky

    *To no discernible tune whatsoever. Just a children’s chant.

  183. Chip Whittle
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    So where did that living amalgam of all Edgar Bergen’s puppets whom Mary Worth keeps stringing along find himself that striking Crayola-maroon DeLorean to drive?

  184. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#160): …Fritzi has gotten shorter and more zaftig.

    Have you seen Ramona Fradon’s Wonder Woman? Talk about zaftig:

    http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100625185802/marvel_dc/images/d/d0/Super_Friends_Vol_1_19.jpg

    The story in that issue is “The Mystery of the Missing Monkey.” Hey, I think I’ve found the origin of the monkey in Mark Trail!

  185. Poteet
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#84): I just watched the Gangnam video for the first time, so yeah, the shark is definitely receding in the rear-view mirror.

  186. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    DT: Good to see the Eternal Jew getting work again. It’s been tough since Julius Streicher stopped producing films.

  187. Shrug M. Punk
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#76):

    “Fair point, but that’s still one game, not three.”

    There’s always Monday’s night WWE RAW. . . and I’m sure if you flip enough channels you can come across a Gopherhole SD vs. Frostbite Falls high school lacrosse match on the ALL LACROSSE cable channel, or somesuch.

    But speaking of football, my dead tree paper says today’s ARLO AND JANIS is a rerun (Jimmy Johnson is on vacation), yet it depicts Arlo and Janis watching a national championship game between Alabama and Note Dame. Who knew JJ’s middle name was “Nostradamus” (or maybe “Nate Silver”)?

    /// Anyone remember the previous appearance of the strip, including what teams were listed then before someone substituted the present names?

  188. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#179): Rhymes with Orange: Aquaman sucks.

    Ramona Fradon’s Aquaman was a thing of beauty:

    http://aqua.gjovaag.com/blogpics/AlterEgo_69.jpg

  189. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#105): “Extracting” revenge kind of works, a sort of poetic twist to it.

  190. Shrug, Staring Out to Sea
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @endless sky (#108):

    “BC: Another guest appearance by the Easter Island Head.(Is he hoping for his own comic?) ”

    He’s already got a regular supporting actor gig in RED MEAT, but I presume that doesn’t pay him a living wage.

    On the other hand, what does an Easter Island Head need to buy? It doesn’t need to pay rent; it doesn’t have any stomach so food isn’t an issue. Maybe cosmetics?

  191. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#188): he’s about to get tentacled by that octopus.

  192. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#191): and I’ve seen enough hentai to know what will happen next.

  193. Shrug, Throwing a Tantorum
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#115):

    “ASM- Why does Stan Lee (or whoever actually writes this strip) hate elephants?”

    Once at a circus a practical joking elephant tossed the writer a red-hot peanut. Writers Never Forget.

    /// But The Pay Is Good.

    ///// (O.K., actually it usually isn’t.)

  194. yaoi huntress earth
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Brooke’s an Objectivist, isn’t he? When you think about it, what is Brooke really producing? This is a man who’s willing to destroy any plot just to feed his ego and lust and produces some of the most selfish, arrogant and sometimes even destructive characters (what Seth did to Fernanda and Roger). Overall, what good is his product?

  195. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#191, 192): Aquaman’s pet/sidekick in the 1950s was Otto the Octopus, so I’m not surprised.

  196. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    MT – How I love the monkey jumping into the picture-he’s talking, too!
    That is the best panel of this whole story arc.

  197. Brock Twist
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    A Mark Trail adventure which ends with flycasting as a martial art, and a talking lemur? It’s truly curmudgeonly to pretend one doesn’t enjoy these things.

  198. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    “It’s like I said Juan – leave it to us to do the real monkeying around! Even though you do look quite simian…”

    Does this fellow steal, like the Vegas monkeys?

  199. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug M. Punk (#187): Anyone remember the previous appearance of the strip, including what teams were listed then before someone substituted the present names?

    December 31st, 1973? They wouldn’t have had to change the names. That was the last time Notre Dame and Alabama played for the championship (ND won).

    // Although I have no interest in football, as I live in Alabama, it is absolutely impossible NOT to know this stuff.

  200. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Brock Twist (#197):
    Crouching Juan, Hidden Tiburon.

  201. Chip Whittle
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Herb and Jamaal: “Take my advice about women,” says the squat little man in a passive-aggressive marriage of insults with a sour relationship to his mother-in-law.

    Inspector Danger’s Crime Quiz: Sure, the criminal is the one who had to buy a fake mustache and a wig, because it would be absurd to think it was the one who had to buy a fake mustache and a tasseled cap. Where could you even find a tasseled hat these days? A store?

  202. Mel aka Mel
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#179):

    Aquaman (“I will call this adventure the time …”) as depicted in Batman: The Brave and the Bold is kind of hilarious though.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivFmAyWGlWI

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTyRRSSkK4k

  203. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    BC: Hooray! First Easter Island statue joke of the year!

    Doones: “But I’ve come a great distance. Much of it on foot!”
    That’s a beautiful line there.

    Gil: Oh, wait. Scott “Fowler” inspired to athletic greatness by a mystical peacock only he can see. Is it his dead brother? // This is weird.

    Love is…: Arguably the most horrible zombie strip. Although they do new material and drawings, it has been dead and rotting for decades.

    MT: Anyway, that blows my Bahamas hypothesis. I though this island was in the Bahamas, because it was English speaking, and not far from Miami. But the monkey kind of rules that out.

    Shoe: Oh, sorry, you wanted exercise. This is abuse. Exercise is the next door on the left.

    // My business plan is to start a fitness center, and then make fun of the out of shape people who come there. This will inspire them to come more often, work out harder, and achieve success. Word of mouth about this will spread, and I will become wealthier than the dreams of avarice. I’m looking for investers. Interested?

    MW: Dr. Jeff got that car real cheap from a heavy-set guy everyone called Uncle Buck.

  204. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#201): Where could you even find a tasseled hat these days? A store?

    A store in Constantinople! No… wait…

  205. Voshkod
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    A thought; a question; has anyone set up a Twitter feed in Mark Trail’s name yet?

  206. TheDiva
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug M. Punk (#187): True dat. Or poker. Seems like some sports channel is always showing poker, despite the fact that the most physical activity going on is the players adjusting their cool sunglasses.

  207. greghousesgf
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    I don’t create “nothing”, Brookie, i write fan fiction, same as you do, mine just isn’t about “I Dream of Jeannie”.

  208. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Staring Out to Sea (#190): On the other hand, what does an Easter Island Head need to buy? It doesn’t need to pay rent; it doesn’t have any stomach so food isn’t an issue. Maybe cosmetics?

    Probably into vintage comic book collections. Have you seen the price on those Flash Gordon anthologies?

  209. bunivasal
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    HOLY CRAP MARK IS AN ANIMORPH THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

    Wait. Wait. No it doesn’t.

  210. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#184):
    Have you seen Ramona Fradon’s Wonder Woman? Talk about zaftig:
    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#188):
    Ramona Fradon’s Aquaman was a thing of beauty:

    If Ramona Fradon’s Aquaman was zaftig too, I don’t want to see it.

  211. seismic-2
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#208): Have you seen the price on those Flash Gordon anthologies?

    Yes – each volume is $75, but Amazon is selling each one for $47.25. Skunkhead’s Komix Korner is just getting them their copies, months late, and will no doubt sell them at list price or even add a further mark-up. I mean, you would naturally expect to pay more for the puke-green variant cover edition, right?

  212. Hibbleton
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: As befits an action strip, when hit really hard over the head Juan sees talking monkeys instead of the usual stars and tweeting birds.
    “It’s like I said, Juan. You’ll always be second banana.”

  213. Peanut Gallery
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#152): The first I heard of “Gangnam Style” was when you posted that link to “Dumb Ways to Die,” and I found some site where they described the latter as “So catchy, it’s the new Gangnam Style.” To which I said, what was the old “Gangnam Style”?

    After hearing “Gangnam Style,” I was still puzzled, because it didn’t strike me as particularly catchy.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#189): We’re always being told what kind of a dish revenge is, so presumably one could make an extract of it.

    “Revenge is an extract best added to foods you never liked much in the first place.”
    – “Fat” Albert Camus

  214. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#141): …was bitten by a radioactive Ayn Rand character…

    Hah! Fulgent. He evidently has developed proportionate rhetorical skills.

  215. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#213): “Would someone please let me out of the can?” — Prince Albert Camus

  216. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#210): Well, zaftig Superman does come close:

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_le6gzjTgT01qbladco1_500.jpg

    (Plus: you get a zaftig Lana Lang!)

  217. Liam
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    JP-”And this check is less money than I made during my year as a prostitute.”

  218. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#189): It’s pretty much common usage now.
    // I feel so common.

  219. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#215):

    “We have met the enemy, and he is us.” — Albert the Alligator Camus

    http://www.cabot.net/buttons/WeHaveMet.gif

  220. Liam
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury-He doesn’t read any newspaper that doesn’t carry “Doonesbury”.

  221. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#189):

    “Extracting” revenge kind of works, a sort of poetic twist to it.

    Poetic, in the sense of extracting TJ’s mammoth tusks, one at a time without anesthesia?

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#165):

    I’m thinking about putting together a book, “The Wisdom of Albert Camus”

    As told to Mary Worth, N. Scudder, Ed.

  222. Liam
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    MT-And now begins the “Planet of the Monkeys”.

  223. endless sky
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#203): “Scudder’s Fitness and Taxidermy” – ideal for the Shoe denizens, also for Pluggerville. You’ll be richer than a judge.

  224. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#138): The comic weeklies weren’t doing the Horatio Alger thing. He was all about rewarding persistent hard work with moderate financial success.

    I never read those weeklies you refer to back then. I liked my comics “comic” as a kid, so I was into Scrooge McDuck, and Mad, and stuff like that. Never got into the superheros for the same reason, hidebound young literalist as I was.

    Alger, while definitely requiring his heroes to be honest and hard-working, always had an improbable strok of luck occur in their favor. The lad would be observed thriftily picking up a pin on the street, or rescue the banker’s daughter from being run over by a carriage, and would be thereby given his chance to demonstrate his abilities. And he always did end up rich and admired in the end. I suppose the moral was that, “Chance favors the well-prepared and virtuous” (A. Camus).

    It is still a sort of magical thinking, though not the level you describe in those weeklies.

  225. Liam
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Pigborn-”I am an arrogant douche who uses his comic strip as a soap box for attacking my critics because I am too much of a coward and a chicken to deal with them directly.”

  226. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#63):

    MT: Am I the only one who initially read Otto’s second line as “We’re giving the monkey back”?

    In an even greater gesture of gratitude, Otto will allow Mark to take the monkey back as a pet mate for Rusty.

  227. Alison
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “Why are you smirking?” Er, Ann, haven’t you noticed by now that TJ is incapable of making any other expression? If someone ran over him with a car he’d still be smirking.

    “Hi and Lois”: Totally thought today’s strip was going to be about Dot telling Mommy that Daddy is cheating on her ass, and I was quite impressed to see such a bold thing in such a mushy and tame strip. But no, Hi’s just going to watch football. What kind of a shrew of a wife does he have that he has to sneak around town and tell lies just so he can watch a lousy old football game?

  228. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#220): Quite right, too.

  229. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#218): You’ve probably already done the google ngram on it, right?

  230. Liam
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois-”And the waitresses aren’t wearing any shirts.”

    FW-Can we beat you to death with flaming torches?

  231. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#185):

    I just watched the Gangnam video for the first time

    “The” Gangnam video?
    Oh, no, dear, there are several – and generations of parodies.

  232. Dood
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Will this be the first time that anyone has ever witnessed Mark punching his monkey?

  233. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#224): “improbable strok of luck”

    I swear, WordPress is eating my vwls!

  234. Baka Gaijin
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    About today’s Curtis: Awww, who doesn’t love a happy ending?

  235. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#229): Evidently, some wretch in 1889 screwed up.
    //Don’t look at me, I’m not nearly that old.

  236. Illustrator Steve
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    MT – The conclusion of this stupid story arc is so damn obvious here…
    The monkey runs off with the duffle bag full of money.
    Otto, Juan, Mark and Bill Ellis set out after the monkey but never find a trace of the thieving critter.
    A few weeks pass before the poor villager’s begin report seeing a monkey driving a shiny new million dollar Cigarette speed boat while drinking champage and surrounding himself with bikini clad babes as he circles around and around their poor little island.
    Otto, to no avail, stands on the beach of the poor village while shaking his crutch at the creature as he speeds by, only to get smacked by a six foot high wake as the monkey’s speed boat flys by.
    Meanwhile back at Lost Forest, in lieu of bonefish, Mark shows Rusty the art of casting for rifles.

  237. langostino
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Two MAJOR issues left undiscussed today by Josh:

    Mark Trail – WTF is with the attack by the talking, flying monkey? Why did that go unmentioned? How did you just let that slide by?

    IT WAS AN ATTACK BY A TALKING MONKEY! A TALKING MONKEY THAT FLEW IN!

    Funky Winkerbean – I have no idea what the provenance of whatever thing that creepy guy just bought for the old dude, but if it was cheap and easy to get, the old dude would have already had it long ago. It must have been enormously expensive, and incredibly hard to get hold of. Just how much money did the creepy guy spend? How did he get the influence to procure it? Did he have an inheritance to blow through? Couldn’t he have bought a good haircut?

  238. Cuddleslave
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    FW – New Year and FW still sucks.

  239. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#227): Re: H&L

    It is the plea bargain principle. Hi gives one, implausibe cover story. He invents another, not entirely innocent, story that he plants with his daughter. When he comes home, and his wife confronts him, he will tearfully confess that, yes, he was indeed at the Sports Bar watching football with the guys. Lois will accept this confession and forgive Hi, at least for long enough that he can wash the glitter off of his skin and the smell of cheap perfume out of his hair.

  240. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#230):
    Also, “Where everybody knows your name, and they keep all your antics under wraps.”

  241. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#234): Her nickname is “Sandy.”

  242. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#234): Happy? I didn’t realize that Edidna was wearing a red nose and size 26 shoes.

  243. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” We see Westview through a glass darkly. For it is a dark, dreary place. When we know them as we are known, we will know them to be of misery and miserable spirit, and unto the flames be they cast.

  244. Jasper
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Aside from all the monkey business, I’m puzzled as to why a person living in the Caribbean doesn’t own one lousy pair of shorts, and had to cut the leg out of and ruin a perfectly good pair of trousers. Although I do like the triangular cut of Otto’s legless shants or ports

  245. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

  246. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Nowhere does this comic state that it was a high school performance. He could have had a potentially paying gig at a nightclub or something. The audience was probably saying “Great, now they got the bus boy playing guitar. Check, please!”

  247. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Sorry to be a nitpicker, Josh, but you labeled your 3G post as “Archie.”
    Which I kind of like, actually.

  248. tallyHO
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#246):

    Well, he is the lead singer/guitarist for “The Archies”.

    So, like you, i didn’t consider a high school jazz ensemble or any other kind of school performance.

  249. PriceCheck
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Presumably, the people who were so repulsed by Archie’s playing that they stood up and walked out in the middle of it were also clapping in applause as they left, to warrant the “ovation” in “standing ovation”.
    Maybe they liked his performance, but were too busy to stick around for him to finish? “Hey kid, you’re a good player, but, uh, we don’t have time for this right now.”

  250. tallyHO
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif and The Forty Theives

    Whatever they have planned, I don’t think the She’rff need know ahead atime. That would seem like it would just egg on Snuffy’s kinfolk to do more damage. And, it would would egg them on to get drunker, faster, HillFolk Style!

  251. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    FW – If you don’t want to be infantalized, you could start by not reacting like a small child on Christmas morning when presented with a product whose target audience is pre-teens.

  252. commodorejohn
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    The Comics Curmudgeon: Come for Margo’s loose morals and habitual lying, stay for the theological discussions!

  253. Majicou
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    I’m still wondering what instrument Archie is carrying. It could be an undersized guitar, or maybe an oversized violin. Then again, it could be a viola, which would easily explain the audience walk-out.

    Curtis features a textbook diabolus ex machina. Great, Billingsley, now that you’ve shown us how not to do it, what’s the real plot development?

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#178): There’s also a message from a Mr. Shyamalan… says Brooke is being too petty and juvenile toward his critics. Hm.

  254. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#250):

    …just egg on Snuffy’s kinfolk… it would would egg them …

    They should have plenty of eggs with all the chickens they’ll be stealing.

  255. Liam
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    MW-”He wants to do things his way just because his name is on the entry form and he doesn’t realize yet that you only do things my way.”

  256. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#241):
    But did she bop along the boardwalk with her transistor radio?

  257. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#255):
    Little does Mr. Dill know that Mary controls all of the contests in Santa Royale, from cake exhibits to cat shows.

  258. Baka Gaijin
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#241): Ha ha. Too bad they don’t have Jergens® in the Kwanzaa-verse.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#242): Aww, now I’m sad. That would have been the perfect ending to every clown ever known.

  259. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Re: Mark Trail: I’ve been thinking about that monkey and its word balloon since I saw it last night, so when I was reading your comment, Josh, I read part of it as “ransom monkey”.

    I would read a comic about the adventures of Ransom Monkey, yes, I would.

  260. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#256): Her bopping days are over. However, you can’t see it but just off panel cats are gathering around Maya.

  261. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#37): I think if bright and cheerful colors suddenly appeared in FW, it would explode. So the colorists are protecting us from experiencing the trauma of getting shredded bits of Westview on us. (You know that shit’s got to be carcinogenic.)

  262. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#41): I would LOVE to read a version of Mark Trail like this.

  263. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    MT: When Mark gets back to Lost Forest he’s going to take Rusty rifle fishing.

  264. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Staring Out to Sea (#190): One of the weird things I learned this last year was that the Easter Island heads aren’t just heads. They have strange little bodies, too!

  265. Voshkod
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#263): Wrong. When Mark gets back to Lost Forest, he’s going to find an excuse not to take Rusty rifle fishing. This is Mark Trail we’re talking about, after all.

  266. KreatureFeatures
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#251): Boom! A regular Clowney hit of a comment

  267. hogenmogen
    January 7th, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    I went to plenty of wild parties in my college days. So what qualifies as “wild” behavior at a party where the main attraction is a married doctor and father of 1.5 kids who has the personality of an oaken door? Are these kids that starved for entertainment without thier electronica?

    Snarky: Dude! You’re like, the doc that saved that lady!

    Rex: Yes, son. I diagnosed that the patient was in danger from her unconscious state and the frantic shouts of her husband.

    Snarky: Cool. Then what?

    Rex: I began chest compressions.

    Snarky: Yeah, they don’t do that mouth-to-mouth thing anymore, right?

    Rex: They don’t? I only knew that I woudn’t put my face to hers if she were queen of Egypt.

  268. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#265): Oh, I don’t know. To go rifle fishing he won’t have to go near the dreaded pier. It could go like this…

    Mark: Okay, Doc. Hold the rifle out. That’s right. Okay, Rusty, cast your lure around the rifle… oooh, that’s gonna leave a mark. Doc? Are you okay?

    Doc: Never felt better. Merely a flesh wound. By the way, Rusty’s outside.

    Mark: Great, Doc. Okay, let’s try it again, Rusty. But a little more to the left this time.

  269. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    MT: What “test” of line would you need to “yoink” a rifle like that?

  270. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#154): If you’re watching YouTube for porn, you are out of touch.

  271. Jakub
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    The monkey does what all good actors do — share lines, even giving up the punchline to a hack. I bet he’s cool with the crew and doesn’t throw his feces near the craft service table.

  272. Baka Gaijin
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#269): I’ll bet Snake (of The Simpsons fame) would know. He “yoinks” things all over Springfield.

  273. tallyHO
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    I missed out on the Funnies yesterday. I only saw those two featured on this site.

    So, Slylock:

    On Sunday: Ho! That’s a fun one.
    Today’s: Huzzah! It makes one appreciate the lengths that Fox will go to nab bandits!

  274. tymime
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    If Batiuk has any admiration for Flash Gordon, you would think his comics would be more fun.
    I was honestly surprised that he mentioned it.

  275. tallyHO
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    In reading today’s A3G, I found myself chuckling and feeling alright that Margo Does What Margo Wants.

    I say, swing it!

    But, then I read today and yesterday’s Mary Worth
    Keep it in your pants, Mare!
    Keep. It. In. Your. Pants!

  276. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#153): As far as I saw, in the 60s-70s comic weeklies, it was only the girl comics that featured put-down nerds being given wealth/position/family or whatever after enduring social hazing. In the general-audience titles, it was just giving stuff to the protagonists all the time, or protagonists who happily handed out goodies for however many panels they had.

    @terrapin (#162): Thanks! That’s another one I owe to Classics Illustrated, because their adaptation of the book was so compelling, I ended up seeking it out and reading it a couple of times. I probably have it around here, in a box of comics (the novel is on my reader). I should go through it again and see how closely it tracks the book.

    @Baka Gaijin (#168): I haz a esoteric?
    Well, internal evidence suggests that, like exapno, you’ve read Joe Adamson’s book on the Marx brothers. It’s not unheard of, but it’s unusual enough that I’ve held on to a copy that’s been falling apart since the late 70s, waiting to come across one in better shape.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#160): Fritzi has gotten shorter and more zaftig.
    That means “juicy,” you know. Hardly an adjective I’d apply to a stiff cardboard cutout that looks like a eunuch’s idea of what sexy must be like.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#188): I can’t make out the signature (I had to copy the URL and paste it into a new browser window to shake the “NO HOTLINKING” scold), but it’s somebody drawing a tribute to Fradon, not the artist herself.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#224): “Riches” may be a relative term here. As I understand it (never tried reading one), the Alger stories brought their heroes from poverty to comfortable middle class — as you say, generally through the shortcut of some unselfish deed being noticed — but not to actual riches.

  277. Aviatrix
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#213): I didn’t understand Gangnam Style until I saw Klingon Style. Be sure to turn on captions for the full experience.

  278. tallyHO
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    Way to go, Juan!

    Way to go, Juan-hurdling, Juan-castigating monkey-dude!

    Way to cast, Mark!
    Way to whack, Otto!

    What a satisfactory way to start the week off weird!

  279. seismic-2
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#246), @tallyHO (#248): Hey, Archie has jammed with at least one truly major Rock band!

    H&L: “I may have to, um, get home late tonight. Some of us are, uh, having a little fund-raiser for one of the girls in the office who has cancer. Her name is Delores, and we’re trying to raise money by, uh, hosting medical lectures on emergency cardiac resuscitation by a doctor and a nurse. Yeah that’s it, a medical lecture! We’ll probably have some refreshments too, but nothing major, just whatever Ginger and Honey can – er, I mean, we’ll just have some ginger snaps and honey! Right, just that! OK, gotta go!”

  280. bats :[
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#74): Yow! Full of primatey goodness! Thanks!

  281. Dale
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#269):

    MARK TRAIL

    If the line was strong enough for tarpon, it’s strong enough for yoinking rifles.
    The rifle might weigh 7 pounds.
    All MT villains react to surprise by letting go of whatever they’re holding.
    A real person would tighten his grip and the rifle would go off, proving that there is a monetary limit to the value of human life.
    Smart move, Lash.

  282. tallyHO
    January 7th, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    While I’m sufficiently jumping snark,

    So, Mary Worth was standing in the kitchen cooking down a pot of Elmer’s Glue.

    God knows what the consistency of that mess is now. It would make me wonder why she even bothered cooking it but hey…something’s you just don’t want to know for sure.

    Then, Mary Worth, with that smug look in her lemon-wedge eyes, she pats herself on the back for getting a toehold to meddle with that old, lonely dude, and then some guy who’s sitting in the next room (! all this freaking time? !) is sitting there in Captain Kirk’s Barcolounger sitting way too close to a big TV to be doing anything respectable for a dude his age who just happens to be hanging around with Mrs. Methuselah.

    WTF!

    Mind you pie-hole, Worth! Keep your nose out of other people’s cake sacks!

  283. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Ahem. A Clerihew:

    Mark Trail’s monkey
    had no use for money.
    “It’s like I said, Juan,”
    quoth he: “I’d prefer a prawn.”

  284. tallyHO
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail Missing Third Panel:

    (continued from Monkey monologue from panel two: “It’s like I said, Juan….”

    “…I am so over you!

    “However, I am taking the 2 million for putting up with your monkey shines!”

    Suddenly, Mark Trail, gears up to cast both his rod and some aspersions upon that fleeing monkey! /super friends narrator

  285. Closed for the season
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#263): @Sequitur (#268):

    To add to your comments regarding rifle fishing….read comment #236 posted earlier today. Funny as hell!

  286. Closed for the season
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    MT – I’ve heard of rifle casting but THIS is rediculous!

  287. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    And a limerick, for good measure[*]:

    There once was a chlorocebus
    Who went by the name of Jeebus,
    for so went the alarm
    whenever a firearm
    was dropped by the less-than-pious.

    Okay, I’ll stop now.

  288. Illustrator Steve
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    MT – Would somebody out there who knows about guns explain the dangers involved with Mark casting his fishing line to snag a loaded rifle? Wouldn’t any normal human being be concerned that it may discharge from the jolt caused by being snagged like that? If so, it seems only right that Mark would be held responsible if his fancy casting work caused someone standing nearby to be injured or worse. Pretty insensitive or just plain stupid timing on Elrod’s part if you ask me!

  289. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#276): That means “juicy,” you know. Hardly an adjective I’d apply to a stiff cardboard cutout that looks like a eunuch’s idea of what sexy must be like.

    Etymologically, yes. My point was that Bushmiller’s Fritzi was a tall, slender, fashionably flat-chested flapper. The current incarnation (a very appropriate, if metaphorical word in this case) might have trouble finding her chips.

    I quite understand you don’t care for the depiction, but you can’t deny the change.

  290. Peanut Gallery
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#96):

    Jumble: I LOVE the Jumbles with Josh, partly because they’re Josh…

    And also because poor Josh is always in court, getting the book thrown at him, and he has this look of shocked disbelief on his face. “Little old me? Guilty?? How can this be happening to me?”

  291. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    You lot don’t appreciate honest talking monkeys. What do you want them to do – dress up in faux harem costumes and ram succubi in the hoo ha? Beefwits!

  292. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    288. Illustrator Steve: ” Pretty
    insensitive or just plain stupid timing
    on Elrod’s part if you ask me!”

    It *is* Mark Trail, you know.

  293. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#276): As I understand it (never tried reading one), the Alger stories brought their heroes from poverty to comfortable middle class — as you say, generally through the shortcut of some unselfish deed being noticed — but not to actual riches.

    You are correct. Although, Alger’s stories are called “rags to riches”, and they almost always start with the hero literally in rags, they usually end with him prosperous, but still very young, starting in a respectable business, or going to college, usually with a wealthy sponser. Here’s how Alger’s “Try and Trust” ends:

    So we bid farewell to our young hero, fairly launched on a prosperous career, trusting that his life-path may be bright to the end, and that he may leave behind him, at the end of his career, the reputation of a noble and honorable merchant, and a life filled with good deeds.

    After looking at a dozen or so last chapters of the 50 odd Alger books at Project Gutenberg (so you don’t have to), I assure you that is standard. Alger’s interest in his heroes ends at about age 20.

  294. Liam
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#263):

    Just as soon as Mark gets back from helping a friend with something.

  295. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#287):

    A poetaster yclept Pasdordan,
    Found his verses would never quite scan,
    But they said, don’t be blue,
    You should just write haiku.
    He eventually moved to Japan.

  296. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    …fish boning.

    Ok. That was out of line.

  297. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#289): The current incarnation (a very appropriate, if metaphorical word in this case) might have trouble finding her chips.

    I can only dream about the peri-peri goodness of a Nandos.

  298. Dale
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#288):

    Check #281. The gun might fire just from hitting the ground.

  299. exapno
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#144): @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#145):

    Thank you thank you …… *HONK*

  300. Esther Blodgett
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    *sigh* Talking monkey. I am happy.

  301. Da Coconino Kid
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#57):

    I predict “Gangnam Style” will be the “texting” of 2013.

    You mean, they’re going to pass a bunch of laws preventing you from doing it while driving?

    Giddy-up!

  302. Jamus The Bartender
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: The real answer was “Well…..man….things….have taken a turn…..there’s a lot of ins, a lot of outs, a lot of what-have-yous, i’m on a strict drug regimen….”

  303. Liam
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    MT-I’m sorry, Mark, but that gun is undersize you’re going to have to throw it back.

  304. exapno
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#276):

    Ah yes, I first encountered Adamson at the local library, but of course, picked mine own copy eventually. Rumors keep circulating that Adamson has ‘updated’ GHCASZ, but so far, nothing has emerged. The Arce book on Groucho literally has disappeared – supposedly the galleys were destroyed in a fire or something. The Simon Louvish book is very, very good – his research is impeccable in a lot off instances, and it is interesting to see the Marxes from the point of view of someone from across the pond.

    I REALLY picked up on the ‘exapno’ name from HARPO SPEAKS itself. I have found it to be an effective online ID, as it is almost always available, and is just quirky enough to be hard for hackers to replicate.

    A quick side story: During my senior year in high school, when we were asked to provide something for under our yearbook photo, I got WAY to clever and did this: ” ” – Harpo Marx Cute huh? OF course, when the books came back from the printer, it showed up like THIS: “Harpo Marx” sigh – NOTHING encapsulates my high school life better than that….

  305. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#295):

    Practice makes perfect,
    so say the poetasters
    and prigs, all alike.

  306. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

  307. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

  308. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#306): And because I just can’t resist:

    The Reverend Nehemiah Scudder
    a mot juste he always would utter,
    ’til – most fateful of days!
    A comma he misplaced,
    and landed in poetry’s gutter.

    And now I’m really done.

  309. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#44):

    It’s a total ear worm! Stays your head FOREVER!

    // You poor soul, the hell is yet to come………

  310. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#309): Best thing about getting old: missing out on all the crap the kids are listening to these days. Unless they corner you with an .mp3 player.

  311. Poteet
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#231): So the shark is even tinier in the rear-view mirror than I had realized. Good, my work is done.

  312. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#308): and landed in poetry’s gutter.

    My, the stars are quite pretty tonight!

  313. Droopy Says
    January 7th, 2013 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#98): After following your link to Bigporn, three things stick with me:

    1: My mental image of McEch now includes a paunch and cheesy moustache.

    2: That brookewit just gave me one more reason to admire politicians.

    3: If McEch did editorial cartoons, it would be for the Volkitsch Gemasterbachter.

  314. Sgt. Stoned
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    H&L: You mean the place with lots of TVs where all the waitress has big bumps in their tight T-shirts with a picture of an owl on them?

    BB: “Gangnam style” seems way out of character for the normally lethargic and narcoleptic Beetle.

  315. King Tut
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    That monkey talks to everyJuan. I’ll leave now…

  316. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#83):

    “MT: In Lost Forest, police officers are armed with fishing poles.”

    Well, that would explain why Mark feels the need to use his fits of death!

    // Although Rip Haywire actually punches people from time to time. Mark hasn’t used his fists since what, 2010 or so?

  317. seismic-2
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#316): Mark has notched up the threat level from using his fists as tools for enforcing justice to using hibernating bears instead.

  318. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#310):

    Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoopa Gangnam Style!

    // Gangnam Style!

  319. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Sun on flying gun
    Shining in tropical sky
    A monkey comments

  320. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#313): Und so der Vierte Reich geboren war.

  321. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#318):

    Gaaaaahhhhh! The ear worm is back in my head!

    // I may just need to jump in front of Juan’s rifle to make it stop!

  322. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#321):

    // I may just need to jump in front of Juan’s rifle to make it stop!

    Nicht in der angelschnur verfangen (Don’t get caught in the fishing line).

  323. Jeff
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    The Chicago suburb paper the Daily Herald wants to make some changes to the comics section. Specifically looking to drop at least three comics They’ve offered up five to drop and are looking for readers to weigh in.

    What’s puzzling one of the comics they want to add is the 80-year-old Alley Oop?!?!

    Comics being offered up to drop: Judge Parker, Pickles, The Dinette Set, Stone Soup and The Other Coast.

    I can’t see dropping Judge Parker for Oop!! I think Pickles is a more than saved. It’s a matter which of the other ones go. You can email the editor: comics@dailyherald.com. Save the Judge!!

    http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20130107/news/701079950/

  324. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    meanwhile, in 9CL.

  325. tallyHO
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Fly, Monkey, Fly
    On your Ventriqui-trip!
    Are you a master
    of your craft
    or is it an apprenticeship?

    It could very well be the case, that Otto wasn’t in charge
    at all. It was the monkey!
    Juan never had a chance!

    Mark, on the other hand, proved himself to be worthy
    of the monkey’s respect. We should expect tomorrow
    that Mark, the monkey and his henchman, Otto, will sign
    a peace treaty. Then the monies will be donated to improve living
    conditions on the island.

    Or, not.

  326. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#324): Ooooh! A New York unicorn!

    Lu Ann Powers keeps losing it.

  327. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 7th, 2013 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @Jeff (#323): I wouldn’t rule out Alley Oop as a possible replacement strip. And since they also want to pick up Soup to Nutz, I have the Herald editor pegged as one of those “think outside the box” types. There’s nothing wrong with that…

  328. bbofun
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#158): This just in. The talking “Mark Trail” monkey is still dead.

    Dear God, I’m old.

  329. Dartpaw86
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    To be fair, Archie is 72 years old, he doesn’t need his mom holding his hand all the time.

  330. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#329): He bought his instrument with his Social Security check.

  331. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#260):
    Meow! *Scritch scritch*

  332. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#267):
    I guess DeadMau5 was busy on this particular eve.

  333. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#331): *squat*

  334. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#328):

    Jane, you ignorant slut! You go hoping from bed to bed with the frequency of a cheap short wave radio!

    // We are two wild and crazy guys!

  335. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#333):
    And continued scritching, until I have to say/yell “Stop! It’s just fine!”

  336. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#334):

    Errr, make that “hopping”, not “hoping”. That is all.

  337. Calico
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

  338. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#293): After looking at a dozen or so last chapters of the 50 odd Alger books at Project Gutenberg (so you don’t have to), I assure you that is standard. Alger’s interest in his heroes ends at about age 20.
    Having read his bio at Wikipedia, I think I know why.

    @exapno (#304): I also picked up a Marx Bros book with some late, late interviews and lots of photos, but it was just pretty depressing. I did like the photo of them performing at Elitch Gardens in Denver, though. I never thought of the place as anything special before that.

  339. Mibbitmaker
    January 7th, 2013 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Shit! I forgot all about —

    MST3Kwanzaa 12-13
    1/7/13

    P1
    CROW: “An embrace? Oh, that fiend!”
    SERVO: “They’re thinking, ‘Can you believe this stupid story, darling?!’”

    P2
    MIKE: “…with the souuuund of muuuuuuusiiic…!”
    SERVO: “‘Oh, I’m glad YOU’RE happy! Jerks!’”
    MIKE: “Suddenly it’s an editorial cartoon from the 1700s!”

    P3
    CROW: “EW!”
    SERVO: “She needs sun screen!”
    MIKE: “Or gobs of skin cream.”
    CROW: “Jeez, what’s your hurry?”
    MIKE: “Kwanzaa makes me kweezy! (see the spelling?)”
    CROW: “(Yeah, this is typed and not performed, we get it, Mike!)”

    P4
    SERVO: “Like sand in an hourglass, these are the Days of our Lives.”
    MIKE: “Looks like ol’ Maya’s about to take up sand sculpture soon.”
    CROW: “The witch may be cruel, but her curses are really cool-looking.”
    MIKE: “Yeah, I’ll have to give ‘er that one!”

  340. Readem and Laf
    January 8th, 2013 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    MT
    Henchmen with beards have no chance against the mighty Mark.

  341. Xzargo
    January 8th, 2013 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Evidently Archie plays the viola. That explains everything.

  342. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 8th, 2013 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#335): Oh, god, I thought I was the only one who yells such things at the cat.

    //::scritch scratch scratch scritch scratch scratch:: Bea! It’s okay! You can stop now! ::scritch scratch scratch scritch scratch scratch:: BEA! ENOUGH! ::token final scratch::

  343. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 8th, 2013 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @Xzargo (#341): You mean he’s going to grow up to be McE?

  344. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 8th, 2013 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#338): Yes, a sort of Baden-Powell thing there. But delving further into the Gutenberg files, I have to say he’s quite amusing. Not half bad as a writer.

    // Okay, I exaggerate. A least half bad. But, like the curate’s egg, parts of it are excellent.

  345. Droopy Says
    January 8th, 2013 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: What’s the funniest thing here? Kraven prancing away with the tiara, Spiderdick violating Newton’s laws by stopping the elephant, or the impending revelation that Showgirl Sherry somehow switched the tiaras?

    Skunkboy & Crazy: This is going to end up as a Sunday panel with the FW cast appearing as Flash Gordon characters, isn’t it? Isn’t it bad enough that the collection’s cover already looks like the Purple Death? Batyuck could be a greater menace to Dale Arden and Princess Aura than any octosac or orangopoid, and the thought of Creepy Les as Ming the Merciless . . .oh, geeze, that’s how he escaped at the end of Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe.

    Family Circus: Billy, your best bet is to get as close to a real king as possible. Talk to your school’s career counselor about openings for court fools.

    Mock Travail: Otto’s last name is Gilligan, isn’t it?

    Phantom: Kit, if you really got it about the big kitty being fierce, you wouldn’t be standing there. If the lionness got it about being fierce, you’d give her indigestion.

  346. Marion Delgado
    January 8th, 2013 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    “Sell the house and Burn My Clothes” The moral of “A Funky Winkerbean Christmas,” which tried and failed at becoming an American TV tradition.

    In Mark Trail, it’s pretty clear the monkey is either the voodoo familiar of Otto or the real mastermind. Otto finishes the sentences, but the monkey starts them. And if a talking monkey leapt for YOU, I bet’s you lose your rifle to a well-cast rod-and-reel too.

  347. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 8th, 2013 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Otto watched the small boat gradually pull away from the island. His heart was heavy because the man who had touched his soul, Mark Trail, was leaving. At the same time he felt exhilarated. Thank you, my friend, he thought. You saw the good in me, and I will not disappoint you! No more will I rule this island using murder, rape, and torture to intimidate the people. No, I will be an enlightened ruler and I will institute democracy! Although if the Iraq war taught us anything, it showed that you cannot impose democracy on people not ready for it! So, OK, I will rule as dictator, but benevolently! But what am I going to do with Juan? Giving up murder altogether is pretty drastic. I’ll save it for emergencies, like this. Same with torture. These people need a firm hand! As for rape, well, a man’s got to have a hobby. Farewell, my friend, I vow to be generally a better man!

  348. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    January 8th, 2013 at 4:21 am [Reply]

    MW: IT’S LOWLAND GORILLA TIME.

  349. gleeb
    January 8th, 2013 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    Slylock: That’s weird. None of those scrambled terms says “unholy bird staring into my soul”.

    3-J: Ari’s not giving up Greg without a fight.

    ‘shaft: Sure, yesterday we get Ed going off to take an epic dump, now we start with moans and groans. Don’t do that, guys.

    ‘bean: I could understand if Alex Raymond were alive. It would be one comix guy giving another a lift in book sales. But he’s been in his grave for decades. So this is just Wankerbeanery.

    Curtis: Well, as bad as turning to dust is, this is even more horrifying.

  350. LP2004
    January 8th, 2013 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    MT: And so Mark, Andy, Editorbillellis, and $2 million sail off into the sunset. Remaining behind on the Island of Starving but Happy White People are Otto, Pops, and Ava, along with Juan and the rest of Otto’s presumably still armed and presumably very pissed-off erstwhile henchmen. That leaves one question yet to be answered: is Otto’s remaining life expectancy best expressed in minutes, or in seconds?

  351. seismic-2
    January 8th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    350 comments on a Monday! Did people get in a posting habit during the big holiday push to empty Josh’s liquor cabinet, and now we can’t stop?

  352. hogenmogen
    January 8th, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#270): Oh, did I say… that? KITTENS! Yes, that’s it, I meant to say I only watch for the KITTENS!

  353. hogenmogen
    January 8th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#324): Can “New York Unicorn” be condensed to “N’unicorn”?

  354. hogenmogen
    January 8th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#353): Oh, better: “Nyuinicorn”

  355. hogenmogen
    January 8th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    MT: … and tomorrow, the other five of Otto’s henchmen will show up and kill Otto, Mark and BillEllisTheEditor. In his dying breath, Mark exclaims “Oh yeah, forgot about them.”

  356. BlueDot
    January 9th, 2013 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Even more impressive than Mark’s deft rifle-angling is Otto’s ability to disguise the sleek javelin he uses to whack the hench-hottie so that it looks like the crooked tree limb we see in Panel 1.

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